C03 - Ep. 04 - Mission Through Middrus - Courtége is Now in Session

Compliments to all you Canopic golems.

Unwrap yourselves into the stinky dragon and lap up our latest libation, Soccer Soccer Mummy.

It's a mixture of orange spliced tea, melon-sized heads, deflect powerade, entrail sauce packets, and rice crystal treats.

One sip of this sacrilegious sauce and your mouth will be ajar for centuries.

Previously, our adventurers found themselves in a fiery Fort Endridge fighting day mongrels to the death.

But after vanquishing these varmints, they discovered the colonel was a counterfeit called the Magistrate who escaped underground.

They doused the fort's flames and cut loose a captive captive Colonel Boyi.

Now they're on a mission for the magistrate.

Nab some nectar and nestle in for a noxious narrative.

Hello everyone, welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

My name is Gustavus Sorola.

I'm your dungeon master for this putrid party.

I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow.

I do it.

I dare you.

Ouch.

Question for the party, little role-playing warm-up question.

Does your character have a phobia?

And this question was submitted by Spork.

Before we get into this, I have to point out, Micah's doing the intros this season, and he did the intro just now.

and flubbed a little bit here and there.

And I could see a tiny little smirk on Gus's face as like, now you know what I have to deal with.

The reason I was smirking is when I got the module, I was reading over it and I rehearsed the intro a few times and I was like, Kenopic, Kenopic.

I was like, oh, wait, I don't have to read this.

It'll obviously be beautiful and wonderful in the final product, but it was just funny to see.

I was like, Gus being like, you see my pain.

Who's going first?

I guess I'll start.

Oh, who wait, who's

never mind.

You hoard me, Doll.

Oh, so good to see you.

Hopefully, you you'll not be using this information to find out some sort of secret weakness of mine.

No, no, no, of course not.

You wouldn't do that, would you, arrow fighter, shooter man?

This is uh, where you have our trust.

We're in a circle of trust here.

No, uh, no judgment.

We will definitely not put you in a room full of spiders or anything like that.

Okay, interviewer, I trust you inherently.

Interviewer, as I said, my name is Tolv.

And, you know, I used to be a sailor.

And, you know, you encounter a a lot of things out on the open seas and the water.

And I find that I fear, my phobia is called submecanophobia.

Okay, so that's like, you know, the fear of like machines and things under the water.

She say that like eight times fast.

Yeah, submechanophobia.

Yeah, just like, you know, I don't want to see any like boats or anything down on the ocean floor.

That'd be scary, you know?

Anybody else?

Sunken or functioning?

That's a good question.

Both, you know, it's just real scary.

Nothing that I don't want to see those things under the water.

The water?

Because they shouldn't be there.

They should not be there.

They need to be above the water.

What about like submarines and stuff that are like meant to be underwater?

Oh, still scary.

Too scary.

Oh, no.

Pole doesn't like it.

Okay, dog, you go.

I have to say, though, really quick, Blaine, you have a missed opportunity that we can't fix anymore.

What?

Because you've started a really great tradition of assigning a specific kind of salutation to your characters, and Kyborg never had one.

You had, hey, there, Chip Chaney there, Chip Haney here.

And you got, you,

and Kyborg didn't have one.

I'm sorry.

I always thought it was just sup, I'm Kyborg.

Hey, I'm Kyborg.

Yeah, you would say your name.

Like, hey, I'm Kyborg.

Sup, I'm Kyborg.

Maybe that's what it is.

Maybe that's what it is.

Okay.

I think he's got no time for the introductions, no time for the formalities.

It's all kaiborg.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay, I did have a follow-up question.

Yar, uh, Blaine, I'm not sure if uh, Tolv gave us his class and race.

I don't remember what that was.

Goodness, I'm so sorry, Mr.

Interviewer.

Uh, I am a male orc barbarian in a level three.

Thank you, Tolv.

Welcome.

All right, what's up, podcast listeners?

It's me.

What's me?

It's It's me,

it's me on the ones and twos here on the radio show this morning.

Oh, man, bringing the energy here on this early morning recording.

Thank you for tuning in, and hello to all of uh potentially some new uh stinkers that we have listening as well.

Potentially, some critters in the chat.

What's up, critters?

Welcome, critters.

Um, I'm Barbara Dunkelman.

Hello, nice to meet you.

And I play Doug Boone, who is the uh Bug Bear Artificer, also level three.

And Doug, you know, Doug, Doug is very well read and knows a lot of feels are pretty, you know, they're not real.

And so he's able to kind of decipher between like what he really should be afraid of and what he really shouldn't based on reality.

But Doug does have one specific feel, and that is that he's claustrophobic.

Oh, dear.

Because

Doug is a pretty big guy.

He's a little bit kind of weary of small, tight spaces, because uh there's a possibility he won't come out to other end and that kind of that scares doug a great deal oh i see you even diagram with the with the submarines you know me and doug no thank you doug probably wouldn't see himself in a submarine anytime soon yeah oh now i want us to do a submarine adventure

no no we said we wouldn't use these for any nefarious purposes you know it just doesn't mean it can't have already been written into the future you know

Yeah, it's true.

I was tempted to say Doug had a fear of like, you know, money and nice cars and

oh no,

dice, health oceans.

Yeah,

terrified.

And that's Doug.

I'm Chris Damaris.

Hello, Chris and Koey.

Are you?

Well, are you?

And I play Gunther.

He's a croak folk, a frog.

In other words,

you got one in your throat.

Yeah, there it is.

Yes, yes.

Always getting ready for the voice.

I fear it is Bert.

Bert?

Bert.

Like Bert and Ernie.

Bird.

Bird.

Birdie R.

Bird.

Bird.

Bird.

Obviously.

Because as you see,

you can be just, you can just be there anywhere and then all of a sudden gone.

With bird.

Gone with bird.

Now, I have a question for Gone for.

Have you been attacked or picked up by a bird in your lifetime?

No.

I would like to introduce you to my friend Mate.

I think they all know you all.

Because, you know,

sometimes a way to combat these fears is exposure therapy.

And so, you know, maybe we just find a nice bird who's willing to, you know, give you a little experience, see if you're still afraid of it after.

Ah,

the birds I like is ones that do not fly.

So, like dodos, ostriches.

Chickens.

Chickens are good.

Yes.

Got that on the shirt.

Chickens are good.

I'm a fighter.

Okay, there you go.

I was out of the shirt.

And also level three, I believe.

Level three.

Fighter, three.

Am I the only one in this area where that the bird in Bug's life might have been one of the most frightening like creature events in a movie ever.

100%.

You remember that bird and the sound design they did to make it sound like a giant raptor?

It's kind of like the songbird from Bioshock Infinite a little bit.

Yeah, but they made a literally just a little sparrow, you know, tiny bird into just the most frightening thing ever that was going to eat somebody that sounds like Tove.

Yeah, exactly.

And they did the whole thing in Bugs Life where they like pretend they made a fake bird to try to scare the grasshopper.

Spoiler, if you have anything

spoiler how dare you spoil a bug's life what is that like a 25 year old 20 year old movie at this point probably at least 25 years that old yeah yeah that's funny yeah 26 years old hello everybody hello john uh i am john risinger and i am playing uh natty wonder

almost said mateed because you guys just said mate a second ago and that was stuck in my head natty wonder a drow warlock level three just like everybody else.

And yes, I do have a fear.

It's a very serious fear.

It actually is a very serious fear.

It's a specific part of attitudehobia.

Ooh.

I don't know what that is.

But attitudia is the fear of failure.

And I'm not scared of failing everything, but you know what I am?

I am.

scared of i'm scared of failing my son because he needs me to teach him all the things he needs to learn in order to reach his fullest potential.

And I don't, if I failed him, I don't know what I would do myself.

Oh, Naddy, you know, that's a really legit feel.

And I don't think you, as your mom, could ever fail your son.

Well, thank you.

Thank you, Doug.

I appreciate that.

My mom didn't fail me.

It's okay, Doug.

We're here for you.

Gunter goes and gives Naddy a pebble.

Oh, a pebble.

Now, now, what's this?

Should be not sad.

Oh, okay.

Well, I will take this in the heart that I think it's being given to me and not see it as just a normal rock.

This is special.

This is special.

I will always, I will never lose this.

Okay.

Natty turns around, just tosses it.

No, no, no, no.

Natty, I think you need to put that pebble on the fridge.

No, Natty puts it

where she will never lose it.

And she stuffs it in her wig.

Definitely had a different perspective of where you were going to put it.

So, I imagine it's like a very smooth pebble, like a very

worn and very smooth and rounded pebble, is what I'm thinking.

Okay, I'm gonna put that in my inventory, okay?

And it's auburn colors, it's just a cool color, it's a cool

pebble.

Does Gunther collect pebbles?

Not for me.

Wait, is this like when penguins give pebbles?

Are we, did you think that we're an item now?

Is that what this is?

Lightless bird.

I do not.

That's what he's not afraid of.

No.

Okay.

I'm just checking.

I want to make sure I understand your culture entirely.

Yeah, it's different cultures.

You got to make sure you understand.

I get that.

Explain whispering of flightless birds.

So funny to me.

So proud of that little, that little flash fact.

Do you not have gifts?

Huh?

Me?

You talking to me?

Yes.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Gifts are a thing of my family.

Yes.

I've never received a gift before.

Oh, it's getting real sad.

Gunther digs through his pack, goes over, and hands another pebble.

We haven't even made it to the introductions, and we're already like

living.

Hold on, we got another 30 minutes of Gunther giving pebbles to everybody.

Pebbles all around.

This is kind of like a dark bluish one.

Is this for me, or you're

also giving this to Natty?

If you could please hold this for Natty.

Oh,

it is for you.

You now have a gift.

Will it for me?

Doug puts it in a very special pocket of his pouch and

a

single little tear sheds from his eye.

Oh, that's sweet.

Thank you, Gwento.

Told, you don't get anything.

Yeah.

I know.

That's why I think Gunther was looking at Tov, being like, uh,

and he's like digging, looking for.

Here's a stick of gum.

I'm fighting.

It's okay.

It's okay.

We can continue on with the adventure.

Sorry.

You all walk out with the leashed Gigi and walk over to the hole that Natty blasted into the ground.

What order do y'all want to hop down there in?

I'll take lead.

Oh, I was going to say I'm the barbarian.

I can do that if you want.

But yeah, go ahead.

It seems like Giggy's probably going to get their scent or something.

All right, who's after Natty?

I'll go next.

Gunther?

All right.

I'll be lost.

I'll go third.

I just don't want anybody, like, if I get stuck, stuck, I don't want anyone getting stuck behind me.

Because of your size.

Yeah.

I gotcha.

You all hop down, and it's, you know, Gunther, it's just like you saw before, where it's like kind of a small chasm here that then widens out into what appears to be a large room at the other end.

As you get closer, stifling steam wafts from a vent in the floor of this cavernous chamber.

But what stands out the most to you is the sound of water dripping down the metal bars of six iron cells.

As you all are taking in the room and wondering what it's all about and what's going on here, each of you has a vision.

It's almost like you're seeing something that's not really there.

Doug, you see in your vision that you have no mouth and you're only able to make mumbling sounds.

You're holding a rusty hammer and pliers.

A machine trembles before you, whistling and pain louder and louder until it finally explodes.

You see your brother piling to the ground like a ragdoll, his clothes stained scarlet.

He chokes on his own blood and says, You did this, Doug.

This is your fault, and I will never forgive.

Gunther, in your vision...

Well, your vision's not actually a vision.

You're blind.

You can't see anything.

No.

You feel the grip of your father's sword slip out from your amphibious fingers.

It clatters to the ground and you hear it shatter into countless pieces.

In the distance, you hear your parents, Gottfried and Greta, screaming in pain.

Gunther!

The sword, Gunther!

Only the sword can save us!

Maddie, you feel a chain throttling around your neck and searing flames close in on every side.

Tears and runny makeup stream down your face.

You look, and holding the chain is your son, Mr.

Gigglesworth.

He's fully grown, and his cold, piercing gaze smolders with resentment.

No, it's too late, mother.

You didn't prepare me enough.

You took my ending away from me, and now

I shall take yours.

He pulls the chain and stomps on it with a crack.

Ow.

Me next, me next.

Tov!

Why do you want one of these?

Toll, you see a submarine.

No, No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding, kidding.

Told,

your hands and feet are bound by an infinite coil of rope.

Your feet wobble on the edge of a quivering plank, with a tempestuous sea of breakers awaiting your plunge.

You feel the spikes of a mace prod the small of your back.

Wielding the shark-toothed weapon is a figure wearing a Minotaur-horned helmet with a faceplate covering his eyes.

It's your captain, Yarl Ironclad.

Oh,

Jarl Ironclad!

You've served your purpose tol,

but your time was up long ago.

You don't belong in this world.

You'll never be like

you only know three things: blood, rage, and the sea.

So that's where I'm sending you.

His mace bludgeons you into the briny depths with a splash.

Oh!

Ironclad!

The visions fade and you look around and before you is the same room you saw before.

It's a circular room about 30 feet in diameter with 20 feet high ceilings and stifling steam wafts from a vent in the center of the floor.

A stone pedestal stands aloft the far southern end of the room with a few steps leading up to the bench overlooking the room and six cells made of iron drip with condensation ironclad you see that there are two exits well besides the one you came in there's two additional exits one to the east and one to the west and both are similar looking large archways is this the map we should be drawing sorry yes this absolutely is thank you for asking

so we come in from the north yeah you came in from the north and then before you are the this is everything i described with the two exits one to the east and one to the west oh man i hate when we come in from the north it makes everything upside down i know.

Why does he do that?

I mean, you just draw

it.

I'm drawing on my hand, Gus.

Oh, no, Chris.

You're going to run out of real estate real quick there, pal.

I can find paper.

You said the exits were east and west?

West.

Correct.

And they're both similar-looking large archways.

The one to the east seems to descend a little bit.

The one to the west is on the same level.

It does not descend.

Okay, and the cells are...

Are they like along the walls or are they?

It's almost circular around the room.

Okay.

is there anybody in the cells?

Are they empty?

Let's do this the DD way.

Natty, why don't you make me an investigation check?

Sure, hon.

And you said this room is kind of circular?

Yes, it is a circular room.

It's an eight plus two, ten.

Wait, no, that's an uh investigation.

I did insight.

Minus one, seven.

Sorry.

There is, you know, like I said, there is a steam vent in the center of the room, which is kind of making it a little difficult to see.

It's obscuring your vision a bit.

You think that you do see some bodies in some of these cells.

Okay.

But it's hard to make out exactly which ones.

It's the steam is in and out.

Okay.

Can Toll go up to one of the people and see if they can get them out of the cell?

Uh, yeah.

My name's Tov.

I'm here to rescue you.

Uh, why don't you make me a perception check, Toll?

Okie-dokie.

That is a

11.

Okay.

You walk up and you greet the occupant of the cell and you see that it's just filled with two skeletons.

Skellingtons!

Guys, I think we were too late.

Probably like a year or two too late.

We should move like worms, be very quiet.

Is that like a dance move?

What do we do?

I thought that was like a breakdancing thing.

Yeah, cool with no speaking loud.

I was speaking loud like worms.

Okay,

I found skeletons.

Very worm-like could I imbue an item with magical tinkering

artificer stuff.

Yeah, what does that mean?

What does that do?

Could I take the blue pebble that Gunther gave me and infuse this item?

It's gonna make it explode

Infuse the item with the ability to have a five-foot radius light.

Oh

yeah, absolutely this little rock of mine.

I'm gonna let it shine.

Hey Gunther, thank you so much for this pebble.

I hope you don't mind.

I'm gonna gonna use it to help us see in here, okay?

And Doug slowly starts tinkering with this item and imbues it with a light.

What kind of light?

Like, how do you envision that being?

Like, what's the color of the light and what does that do exactly?

I imagine it being like a whitish-yellow, kind of like

a typical light bulb you would see in modern day.

Um, like 4,700 K?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so like a more temperature.

Maybe a fluorescent, not quite fluorescent.

Yeah, people that use those in their homes are psychopaths.

psychopaths.

And uh, it's like glowing out from the stone in a five-foot radius.

Oh, I did not know it was a magic pebble.

Oh, my goodness.

You know, Gunther, all gifts are magic.

Ah, pock.

Puddag.

You've only had the one, so yes, that is true.

Everyone's enjoying their cool pebbles from Gunther.

Well, Tov, this uh this pebble's designed to help all of us as a team.

Yeah, sure.

Must be nice.

Giggy walks up to Tov.

Oh, hello, little one.

It's your uncle, Tov.

And he puts his arms up, like, you know, like...

Oh,

Ratty, can I pick up your child, Giggy?

It seems that

he wants to do something with you.

Okay, last time this happened, he attacked me, but here we go.

Shame on you.

Gigi

reaches out like do you pick up a gigi?

No.

I absolutely love that I've already taught you to be trepiditious of this beautiful child.

And he like kind of like pulls one of your hands in front of him

and like puts it.

And then he opens up his mouth and he goes,

and like a glob of phlegm

drops into

your hand, and he like closes your hand on it so that you hold it, and he pushes it back towards your hand towards your chest.

And he like nods his head.

Gunther sees this and nods and smiles.

I also nod and smile.

Thank you, Giggy.

And then he does the thing that cats do when they want to be let down and just starts wriggling and like scratching at you and that kind of thing.

Gunther goes up and is like, Cherish it.

Pats the hand.

I also love that John managed to have another cat-like creature.

This one, he planned.

He's like, I'm going to have a pet no matter what.

I'm going to pick his class out.

Yeah.

Your son.

It's my son.

It's not a pet.

So, like, do I get like,

you know, advantage on attack rolls or something, Dalgos?

We'll deal with that when it comes up.

Okay.

And Natty pulls Gigi over and goes, that was so nice.

That was so nice of you.

That's good.

It's good to teach a child to share.

Yeah.

Could, while this is happening, Doug go over and investigate the other cells?

Yeah, there's eight around the room.

And I'm going to assume you start with the one closest when you walked in, like to the northeast, and you work your way around in a clockwise motion.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Are there like two kind of like before the west door and two after the west door?

Like basically like equidistant?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you imagine them like a circle, there's like two kind of by the west door, two kind of by the east door, two kind of by the north.

Exactly, Barbara.

Two by the north door and then two by the south.

That's what Barbara showed me her drawing.

Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like.

And can Gunther follow?

You're gonna follow Doug?

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

You work your way over to the next one and inside you see again two skeletons.

Are they wearing anything or holding anything?

Make me an investigation check.

Can I do that as well since I'm there?

Yeah, sure.

A 12.

That 20 for a 19!

For a 19.

So you two look at this and you notice that there's actually a little plaque attached to this cell.

Oh.

And the plaque says wearing improper signatures of nobility.

And maybe that's why they were locked up.

Yeah, and the two skeletons are adorned with rings across their entire body instead of clothes.

One wears a ring made of pearl and the other is adorned with rings made of ebony.

So they're wearing improper items of nobility?

Wearing improper signatures of nobility.

These cells, are they like jail cells like up and down?

Like how wide are they?

And is there a door?

Yeah, there is a

door on on this as far as the description of the cells uh they're kind of like self-contained they're attached to the ground and with the bars coming up and then going over the top can toll see if there's any other plaques in the room yeah is he does each cell have a plaque you gotta find the cavities you can make uh an investigation check if you wish toll i do wish here we go

Yeah, you actually do notice, you missed it earlier, but the cell you were looking at as well also had a little plaque now that it's been pointed out to you.

And And you look around and you see that from where you are standing, again, it's difficult to see because of the steam rising from the vent in the middle.

It looks like most of these cells do have little plaques on them.

Okay, can I read the nearest one?

Yeah, and actually, the one you were looking at, that first one, now that you know, you look and there is a plaque on it.

It says perjury.

And now that you see that, you see that the two skeletons in there, their skulls are sealed.

There's like a something covering up their mouths.

And are these humans or do they look like Undarians?

Or humanoid or whatever.

Oh, like the skeletons.

Yeah, I would say they're like, it's difficult to say, but it's like bipedal, humanoid in general.

Bisexual humanoids.

Virg,

I mean, can I tell us what side they're on?

Are they part of the mortalium?

Mortality.

Is it mortalium?

Mortality?

Make a wisdom check for me.

Toll.

And just while he's doing that, out of curiosity, when we walked in from the north, is that going like to the right was the perjury one?

And then it was

going clockwise.

Clockwise.

Yeah.

Oh, so it would be to the left of when we walked in.

So to the east.

Correct, correct.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Sorry.

I'm looking at it from the other perspective.

Yeah.

At one o'clock and two o'clock,

those are the two cells we've looked at.

Perjury and

the wearing of the single person mobility.

I got a 10 on my wisdom.

You remember that it was mentioned that Fort Endridge was built over an old battleground, some old ruins.

So you think that this may predate some of that, and this may be attached to whatever was here in the past.

Can Gunther fit through the cell bars?

What size is Gunther small, right?

Yeah, he said he was like two feet.

Yeah, he's like two.

What did I say he was?

Like two something.

Something around two feet.

He's two foot seven, I think.

210, if I remember right.

Okay, yeah, that's something.

Oh, that's right, because I made a joke that he says he's three feet.

That's right.

We just had the watch party the other day on our Discord, and I remember it's.

the only reason I remember it.

Same, same.

Which, by the way, you could join our Discord by being a Patreon member, and we could do watch these

episodes.

Come join us.

It's fun.

Patreon.com slash stinky dragon or stinkydragonpod.com.

I like when Gus pulls out the micro machine's ad voice when he wants to do a plug for us.

If the shutdown of Rooster Teeth has taught me anything, it's that we should always be pushing stinky dragon pod.com.

We should be reminding people that this is our livelihood and this is how we pay for bread and health to enjoy.

I mean, more than anything, I feel like it's because it's the domain we can point it to whatever we want.

Yeah.

It just now goes to Gus's Amazon wish list.

Yeah.

You asked if you could fit through and you give it a try and you could almost fit through, but it's a little too tight.

Almost as if they intended to make sure that no small humanoid could get through.

Gunther, you're not going to prison.

Whatever you did, we'll find a way out.

I know a lawyer.

Could Doug keep checking on the different different cells?

And I don't know if Naddy wants to do that as well.

Yeah, I see that Gunther is going for that one cell, and I try for the door at the very least to see if the cell's open.

Yeah, and this is the same one.

The rings one.

Gotcha.

Signatures of nobility.

You know, guys, I'm just going to say now I see you trying to get into this cell.

I don't know if I would put those wings on,

just based on the fact that these guys are dead and trapped and wearing those things.

Especially since Gunther doesn't like birds.

What?

Wings.

Wings.

Okay.

I'll let it.

I got it, Blaine.

I got it.

It took me a while.

Doug just keeps walking.

So you give the door a tug, and it's kind of stuck, maybe just because it's been there for so long, but you find it's actually unlocked and you're able to open it.

Okay, I open it.

Gunther doesn't notice and he's still trying to fit through the door.

He's doing that thing where it's like your arm is through, but your head isn't fitting.

Or like just his eyeball is bulging through.

Giggy walks into the cell on the other side of the bars that Gunther is trying to squish through.

She's just looking at him confused.

Can I go in and can I?

Man.

Gus is going to make fun of me, but I'm going to complain right now that I have low investigation again.

That's what I problem I had with my teeth, was I had a negative modifier and investigation, so every time I wanted to investigate something, it was like I was handicapped.

But I'm going to investigate these rings.

I want to see if there's anything to be discerned from them are they do they have symbols on them or are they glowing or would they look good in my outfit yeah make that investigation check let's find out okay let's find out together nine it seems like they're to use D and D parlance it seems like they are mundane items and it's more like ringed clothes if that makes sense oh like chain mail kinda yeah yeah and that's I would say in that style sure oh so it's not just like finger rings Correct.

Oh.

So the perjury guys had their mouths sealed, which is what I think you were saying.

And so that has to do with perjury.

You're telling the lie.

Is there a way that by looking at this, I would assume that these adornments are a punishment?

Like, were they heavy?

They are heavy.

Make a, let's call it a wisdom check.

You guys need some help on some historical?

Hey, Doug, get your big brain over here.

We need some help.

Doug comes over.

Oh, wait, what do you need to know?

Are these heavy?

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Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse, and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Could Doug kind of like touch it and like lift it with his hands?

What were you trying to get me to discern with a wisdom check?

Make a wisdom check, Doug.

Okay, there you go.

Oh, my God.

23.

Yeah!

You pick it up, and they don't feel particularly heavy.

I know Doug's Doug's a big boy, but even if Doug was a regular boy, you don't think that these would be very heavy.

It's not like these were put on necessarily as

some kind of punishment.

It's more like adornment of some kind.

Okay.

The plaque said that they were wearing impropo signatures of nobility, so maybe they weren't supposed to be wearing these winged clothing.

Wing was an all awful thing.

Watching the wings.

And wing to woo them all.

So like maybe, I'm going to try to connect this.

Like maybe it's, this was like to mock their

crime.

Anyways, we should check out the other cells, right?

And I wanted to be, I wanted to ask, like, are there eight cells or eight?

Because there's two around each door and there's four doors, right?

There's eight cells total, right?

Eight cells total.

There's three doors.

So when you came in from the north, one to the west, one to the east, and there's a large bench overlooking the room at the southern end of the room.

Oh, a bench like a like a jury kind of or a judge's sort of thing.

Like, this is like a yeah, and there's steps leading up to it.

You could maybe you could see bench like a jury judge or bench like we're hanging out in the park.

Gotcha, like a like a jury judge, like a magistrate might stand at.

Are you why are you so smug by like do you think that thinking of magistrate was like a really like

a two-dollar word?

Hold on,

the magistrate, when he left, he says justice has been served.

Okay, okay.

Makes me believe that he might be the one who was serving justice over these guys.

So that's why you were saying magistrate, Christopher.

Yeah.

So a lot of courtroom things.

So then, are there eight plaques for each cell, or is it four plaques for every two cells?

You tried to look earlier, and it was hard to see because of the steam.

You couldn't see quite across to the other side of the room.

But from what you could tell, it seemed like most of the cells had plaques, but you could tell some of them did not and i don't want to rush through but i do want to just like if we if we all kind of divided and conquered and looked to see like what all the different plaques say i think the boy with the glowing stone should go check out all the plaques

yeah does the the glowing stone help us like with our

i think the guy with the glowing stone should worm his way over to all the plaques i like that chris essentially just said stealth

uh does my glowing stone help in investigation at all like does it give us any type of advantage or like maybe makes our rolls lower that we needed?

Not necessarily.

It might eventually, but not at this juncture.

The thing that's that is impeding you the most is the steam.

So, like, a light source doesn't necessarily help when it's misty or steamy like that.

Tolf has a big old cape on his back, you know.

It's made of the finest furs that he found while on his ship sailing.

Can I just put it over the grate to cover up, to stop the flow of fog, so we can kind of clean up the air?

That's not a bad idea.

Sure.

As you know, turn around to begin making your way over to the vent, why doesn't everyone make me a dexterity saving throw?

Oh, I was waiting for this to happen.

Oh, Nat, 20.

Nice.

And that is for a, it was a save?

Yeah, 22.

17.

13.

18, but I have advantage only while I can see them.

So I don't know if I can see them or not.

That's fine anyway.

18, you're good.

Okay.

Yeah, as you turn around, the ground starts shaking beneath all of you.

And you feel like...

Yeah, there's an earthquake, like a small earthquake that shakes the ground for about 10 seconds and then it stops.

Do we see the sky tumbling down, tumbling down?

You do not, because you're underground.

I learned that song from the Muppets.

I didn't know who that was.

There seems to be a theme of earthquake-type tremors in a lot of what we're doing in DD campaigns.

I hope what happened at the end of our last campaign doesn't happen too soon.

No spoilers, no spoilers.

So, uh, yeah, so that happened.

You all are able to keep your footing.

No one falls down or anything.

Told, do you still want to go cover up that steam event?

Y'all.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, let's

expedite this investigation.

Sure, you walk over and the vent is just like releasing this dullish gray-brown colored gas.

And it kind of smells slightly of like licorice.

Been there.

You ain't ever going to get that smell out of that cape now.

That's okay.

You get closer, put your cape over it.

Why don't you make me a constitution saving throw?

Oh,

13.

Okay, the gas or whatever, the steam, whatever it is, this brownish gas gets in your lungs and makes you start coughing quite a bit.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, you know, you're able to cough it all out and expel it.

Oh, okay.

So it doesn't really do anything to you.

I smelled the fart smoke!

You cover it up with your cake, no problem.

So I close the vint.

So then does that, with the cape covering this steam, does it maybe dissipate a little bit?

So we can see what's going on?

I hope it does.

Yeah,

the gas starts dissipating a bit, and

you're able to see a little more clearly.

All right, Doug, do your jab.

All right, here we go.

And Doug quickly goes to look at all the plaques on the different cells.

And now that the steam is gone, Doug also puts on his glasses.

Yeah, you make your way around.

So how do you want to do this?

Do you just want me to like

the clock?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Because you said it was, we were looking clockwise and we didn't.

Clockwise.

Like, you told us one o'clock and two o'clock.

Tell us four o'clock and five o'clock.

I just mean, like, do you want to know what the cells say or like, or everything?

Or

all the cells and like what's in them, too.

Yeah, plaque and punishment.

And I would say Doug also has a notebook, so he could write these down.

It's just a copy of the book, the notebook

that he writes his notes over.

That's Ryan Garcia.

If you're a boy, I'm a boy.

That's good.

That's good, Barb.

The next one, also to the east, says bearing improper armaments.

Bearing improper armaments.

That's similar.

And inside, you see a fancifully clad skeleton dressed in a cowl made of some kind of animal hide.

And inside is also a sheep carcass.

Is the sheep carcass like de-furred?

What's the word?

Like, what has the fur removed?

Deskinned.

De-skinned.

It's very desiccated and old, but you do not believe so.

Okay.

So it's not like this person is wearing the skin from the sheep.

No, it does not appear so.

I wonder what armaments that sheep was wearing that got him in trouble.

Then you move down to the next one to the south, and this one's actually empty and has no plaque.

Okay.

That's for us.

Don't go into.

Yeah.

That's the most dangerous of cells.

Then you move to the next one, which is like in the seven o'clock position.

Yeah.

That one is also empty empty and has no plaque.

Cool.

Just like a Southwest Airlines flight.

Then the next one has a plaque that says piracy.

And there's a skeleton holding a handkerchief.

Weird.

They tried to download too many songs from their favorite album.

Then the next one says sedition and there's a skeleton with a piece of parchment in its hand.

These are getting weirder.

Could I manage to like reach in and grab the piece of parchment to see what it says?

Sure, yeah.

You grab in and you're able to barely reach it, and you pull the parchment out, and it has an unfinished speech about a rebellion.

Oh.

In there.

I leave it in there.

Last one.

Yeah, and you go to the final one, which would be like at the 11 o'clock position, kind of by that north door.

Where we came in, yeah.

And it says bankruptcy.

And it looks like the skeleton in here has pockets filled with something.

Sunshine?

Hard to see.

I opened the door of that one because you're being mysterious.

It's probably just gold or coins or something.

Probably scorpions.

What scorpions?

I don't know.

So specific.

You go to open the door and this one is locked.

Anybody got any tools?

I have a hammer.

I can like fish the skeleton over to the bars and we can check its pockets.

I mean, uh, I have some types of tools and stuff like that, but I don't know if we should be opening this.

Dog can fix it.

Well, I could figure it out.

I've messed up your catchphrase, that's right.

Very similar.

Similar spirit.

Could Giggy fit through the bars?

Oh, Giggy is smaller than Gunther?

Yeah.

Then I'll say

yes.

Okay, but I'm going to have to roll to see if Giggy does what I say.

I love that.

That's funny.

All right, sweetie, I need you to go in there in that little cell and you get that scaling tonight and I want you to see what's in his pockets, okay?

Bring it to mommy, okay?

Yeah, I was about to ask, is that what Giggy sounds like?

Like what Barbara Barbara did?

Like what is the what is the okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Donnie from the Wild Thornberries.

It's very Donnie from the Wild Thornberries.

All right.

I rolled a 14.

That's a yes.

Yay.

All right.

All right.

Giggy goes in and gets gets mommy what mommy wants.

And this was what was in the pockets of

one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Giggy goes in and sticks

his hands into the pockets and pulls out fists full of paper and brings them back to you.

I assume like very proudly holding them up.

Yeah.

I pull out in my pack a a little biscuit and I give Giggy a biscuit.

And I take the papers.

Are they like little papers or something?

Are they crumpled up?

What are they?

Yeah, they're small crumpled up.

There's about six small crumpled up pieces of paper.

I unfurl them and put them on the ground.

You unfurl them, put them on the ground in front of you, and you see that they are all IOUs to various lenders.

Oh

yes.

Awkward.

Can Toll go over to the piracy one and take the handkerchief?

Sure, yeah.

I get it, because you're a pirate.

You're going to try to open the door you're gonna try to reach in how are you gonna do that's the door open i'll try to open the door the door is unlocked yeah you open it up and go inside and you grab the handkerchief from the skeleton's hand and on it seems to be sewn a vague map seems to be from one point to another holy treasure does it look like our surroundings make a wisdom check okay and that was the piracy one right correct does it have does it have a a dotted line with an X at the end

15.

It does not seem to be the area you're in.

Okay, I'm going to pocket that handkerchief.

I mostly did it out of solidarity because you know Toll's a former pirate.

Yeah.

But also,

I mean, this sounds like it could lead us to some gold at some point, maybe.

Maybe.

Is there any other context clues on the map that could kind of like tell us any landmarks or anything that's recognizable?

So it's not the area you're in.

You know, it might take some studying.

The problem is that it's not a very like zoomed out map.

It's very small and regional.

Okay.

So you have to figure out like what specific area that is i'm sure if you studied it for a while and you know cross-referenced with some other maps you could probably figure it out but off the top of your head you don't know like maybe next time you have a long rest you could spend some time like trying to study it cool i'll do that could gunther realize that he can't fit through the bars and then walk around and grab the the ring he's been trying this whole time

the ringed armaments or what was that what they were called clothing yeah the ringed clothing yeah one or both i guess both okay yeah one's made of pearl and the other's made of ebony.

Doug doesn't like this.

Like colored pearl and ebony?

Like materials.

No, material.

Oh.

What are you going to do with them, Chris?

Oh, I mean, like, get them.

Like, like, take them.

Just going into his inventory.

I figured.

Just making him say it.

Alright, so what disadvantage is Chris going to have from now on now that he has these worst?

Cursed items.

Items.

I mean, Tolf too, he took that treasure map.

And you too,

Nanny, with the little

bits.

I guess you just looked at it and put it back.

Yeah.

Mama didn't raise no dummy.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's very small.

So not that we're ever like super strict about it, but typically in D ⁇ D, your carrying capacity is 15 times your strength score.

So for Gunther, that would be 9 times 15, which is 135 pounds.

And you're already carrying 117.

So just be mindful.

We're not going to go crazy with hoarding this campaign.

Because you smile.

I'm going to have to get rid of some stuff.

You small.

How much are these armaments or these clothing, the ringed ones?

Like, weight-wise?

Say they're like three pounds each.

Six pounds total.

There you go.

Could Natty go to the bench?

Sir, may I approach the bench?

You ask that, and you see a business card float by in front of your face.

Sawyer.

You briefly see Sawyer the lawyer and it disappears.

And a little scream goes with it.

Pain.

Kidding, kidding, kidding, kidding.

Okay, you do not hear a reply.

Okay, I'd like to go to the bench.

And is there like a seat or something?

Or is it a standing thing, like a pulpit?

Yeah, you begin walking up.

Like I said, there are steps leading up to the bench.

You step on the first one and you hear a click.

Oh, good.

And you see that that step is attached to a long piece of string that goes over to a pipe near the vent or near the steam vent that Toll had covered up.

And it moves the pipe over the steam vent.

As in to release stuff like vent it i don't know oh okay my cape no

i step on the next step yeah nothing seems to happen what happens if i take my foot off the first step uh nothing the pipe still stays where it is in this new position okay i do the little thing they do in musical theater movies where i do like a little like a step up two step down three step up one step down that kind of thing yeah the uh as you step on the first step it toggles that pipe okay off and then on yeah okay can Tolv take his cape off and see if now the smoke flow does anything with that new pipe?

Yeah, like, is there an airflow?

As you've taken off, why don't you make me another constitution saving throw?

Oh, darn it.

That's a 13.

Okay, yeah.

Again, that stuff gets in your lungs, but you're able to cough it out just fine.

Yeah, when you do that, when you take your cape off and that little pipe is there over the vent, it begins making a whistle sound.

The vent is?

That little pipe.

Because the gases that are going into it are being focused, and now it's making like a little bit of a whistle.

So it is flowing into the pipe.

Correct.

Not all of it, but some of it.

Toll's put his hand over like you do with the vacuum where it goes like...

It's not quite that strong.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

I go all the way to the top then.

Manny goes all the way to the top and goes to the...

to the actual bench itself.

As you approach the bench, two demongrel curs come running into the room.

What's a cur?

A cur like a, almost like a feral dog, a mean dog.

No such thing as mean dogs.

As for fighting dogs again?

That's what Gus likes to make us do.

They come running into the room snarling.

These are like smaller versions of the demongrels you fought earlier.

So they're small.

Yeah, they're looking at you four.

Do I have any rations or anything?

You tell us.

Look at your inventory.

Yeah, and Mike is clarifying.

Kerr is actually an aggressive dog or one that is in poor condition, especially a mongrel.

Okay.

I have a mess kit, so I'm going to assume there's some food in there.

Can I hold out some food and wave it in front of the, like, doki?

Why don't you make me an animal handling check, Gunther?

Okay.

Nat 20.

21.

Nat 20.

Can Tov offer Gigi's spitball as well?

They don't seem interested in that.

Me neither.

That just means that you still have it.

I've been holding on to it this whole time.

Gunther, you hold out some rations and some food, and they seem very intent on that.

They seem to begin ignoring the four of you, and instead focus on eating eating the food.

Oh, there you go.

That was my plan.

But like, I hold the food like

Dr.

Grant?

The flare from Jurassic Park.

Yeah.

Do you know it?

Like you're waving it back and forth, trying to get their attention.

Toss it into an empty cell with the door open.

Which one?

Southwatch.

South one.

Are you asking like which ones are empty or which cell five and seven are both empty?

There's two empties.

Yeah.

I will do cell five because that is closest to me.

Five o'clock.

Five o'clock.

You mean or the fifth cell?

Okay, which would be the fourth cell southeast.

Yeah, lucky for you, this was a cell that had not been opened, but luckily you tried the door and it is unlocked.

And you're able to open it and get their attention and toss it in there.

And the demongrel curs follow the food in, greedily eating it.

And then shut it.

Okay, and then you shut the door.

They don't seem to notice you shut the door.

They're too focused on the food.

It seems like they are placated for now.

Lock it.

Lock it.

Lock it.

Can I lock it?

Or shut it?

I think even if you shut it, I don't know if these dogs could necessarily turn a handle or whatever.

I don't think it's a handle.

I think it's a cell door that just pushes open.

Alright, then I take a piece of rope and tie it and do a knot.

Sure.

I know Gus.

I know Gus.

You do know me.

Just for fun, make me a slighter hand check.

This ain't my first rodeo with Sorola.

Oh, man.

I rolled a one.

That's good.

Okay.

It is tight.

Very tight.

Yeah, you make a great knot on it, Gunther.

No, no.

Dang it.

Hulv wants to go to the plaque and hammer in

for the crime of being cute puppies.

Is there like a latch that

Doug could maybe take his crowbar and like bend the latch so it's like harder to push open kind of thing?

Sure, just make me...

Let's just call it a strength check with advantage for that one.

Okay, 16?

Yeah, you're able to bend the bars a little bit to where they kind of overlap so that if you try to open the door, like the metal hits hits the metal it's not gonna really open it cool there we go don't tell sarah mclaughlin

mike and alyssa are always trying to outdo each other when alyssa got a small water bottle mike showed up with a four liter junk

when mike started gardening alyssa started beekeeping oh come on they called a truce for their holiday and used expedia trip planner to collaborate on all the details of their trip.

Once there, Mike still did more laps around the pool.

Whatever.

You were made to outdo your holidays.

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia made to travel.

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Okay, might I now get to the bench?

Yeah, you approach the bench, and it just seems like a almost like a judge's bench.

I'll rise for them, Honorable Natty Vonder.

Uh, you may be seated.

Is there

anything on it, or is there like a little drawer, or like anything underneath it?

Make an investigation check for me.

I knew you were gonna say that.

That's an 11.

Uh, yeah, you begin searching it.

There's no drawers per se, but there's nothing on top of it.

Uh, but you do look underneath it, like you said, and on the floor under it, you find a small key.

Oh.

Is there anything special about it or just a normal-looking key?

It's a mundane key.

Seems uh old.

Okay.

Nothing extraordinary about it.

Well, I pocket that.

I found a key.

Just letting you guys know.

Worm, worm, I found a key.

You never will find a key in a place like this without being somewhat important.

Wise proverbs there, Doug.

There were some locked cages, but I feel like we were able to solve some of those issues, but that key might go to one of those cages.

It's possible that it's just, yeah, for the ones that were locked, like the bankruptcy one.

Yeah.

Did the dogs come from both entrances or just one?

And Gus, who let the dogs out?

I would like for, John, you give yourself an inspiration, Doc.

That is a great question.

I was wondering if anyone would ask that.

Can I, hey, wait.

Question.

I already have inspiration.

Can I gift inspiration and then take the one you just gave?

Sure, why not?

Okay.

GG.

GG.

I give it to Toll, I guess.

These demongrel curves seem to come from the east.

The one that descended.

Correct.

Okay.

Okay.

Maybe we should try the west, just in case there's more demongrels to the east.

I would agree with that.

Are you not looking for them?

I'm not looking for more dogs that can kill me.

Okay.

Are you?

Yes.

You got a weird cake there, dude.

I have a question about what we know about the Demongrels.

Have we ever encountered them where they're like, I don't know, nice in any way?

Are they just evil, vicious?

Like, I'm just worried about locking things, these doggies up and then, like, leaving them to starve.

You've never had a positive experience with them, and you've never heard of anyone having a positive experience with them.

They are evil creatures.

They are evil creatures.

They have demon in their name.

They're on their home turf.

Someone might come along and let them out.

You never know.

Before we go.

Could Gunther take up his bow and arrow and shoot them, take them out of their misery?

Oh, good lord.

They're mice and men in this.

They got food in there, they'll last for a little while.

Can I oppose this?

This attack?

I don't like this.

Otherwise, they're gonna starve.

No, they have food in there, and someone's probably gonna be along.

Naddy actually watches as Gunther pulls his bow out and

actually kind of nods in approval.

Oh,

she would.

We could stand for this.

This or let them

So let me build the world here.

Let me expound and give you more information that may affect your decision.

I'm not saying don't do it.

I'm not saying do it.

I just want to make sure you fully understand what's going on.

So the Demongrels, their eyes glow like scarlet, and their skin ranges from coal black to blood red color and it radiates with like a smoldering fire and flames lick at the edges of their mouth.

You wouldn't consider these mortal.

They're like fiends.

I don't know if you need to worry about them.

Okay, actually, I have a way to solve this.

Let's say Gunther right now is deciding, right?

He's deciding whether or not to shoot the boat.

Natty casts Eldritch Blasts on them.

Yeah.

How do you do that?

Is it like a ranged attack?

It's a ranged attack.

Up to 120 feet.

Yeah, make your attack roll.

Might not want to burn everything in this womb.

Might need to come back.

It's not a fire-based magic.

It's like...

Let me see.

I can actually tell you.

It's a force.

It is...

Make a range, spell attack, but force damage.

It is correct.

It is force damage.

So it's not.

It's a war crime.

24.

Yeah, that hits.

Why don't you roll some damage for me?

13.

The Eldritch energy leaps forward from your hand, striking the demongrel cur,

and it falls to the ground, unmoving.

Okay, I do the other one.

Make the attack roll.

That one is a dirty 20.

Oh, yeah, that hits.

Roll your damage.

Just another 13.

Yeah, this one also falls to the ground, unmoving.

Cunther spins around and goes, oh.

Listen, y'all.

Death

isn't always a bad thing.

I disagree.

I think you judge them too soon.

You know, maybe they might be bad and we think they're evil, but that doesn't mean that they have the potential to be good.

Does Tolv have a soft spot for all animals?

Is that the

it sounds to me like Tolv has a soft spot for redemption based on what he's saying?

It sounds like it.

Who knows?

You know, I would agree with you, Tov.

I think redemption is really important.

And, you know, sometimes you can't be judged for things that happen that maybe sometimes are, like, out of your control.

You'd be surprised what kind of redemption you can find after death.

Okay, guys.

Well, I'm just saying I'd want to get on the same page, okay?

And I just want to call out, I'm not cool with killing things that we've imprisoned that haven't attacked us.

I understand we're in the middle of a war.

Okay.

Haven't attacked us yet.

Well, you know, they were in the cage.

They were just eating their biscuits.

No minding their own business.

I'm just saying, well, it's like, be cool.

No killing without cause.

I've said my peace.

I'm sorry.

You guys are still my best friends.

It was just, that was really weird.

Wait, what did you call us?

What?

I know, it's a good thing.

It's a good thing.

What?

What?

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, best friends.

Blaine had to look on his face like he said something inappropriate.

Yeah.

I just, I just, I just never had friends before.

Well, this is some character development in both directions, you know?

Some good, some bad.

We're learning.

Yahoo, episode four.

Anyway, shall we move on over to the west door?

Let's go to the west door.

Act like this didn't happen.

I'm very bothered.

While the three of them are moving towards the west door, can Natty really quickly go to the cell where the demongrels are?

And Natty's gonna say something a little like a whisper to the demongrels and then join the party to the west.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Are we allowed to know what you say, or is that a secret?

It's a secret.

Is that what you told them?

I'm sure.

It's a secret.

Yeah, just tell us what the whisper sounds like.

What

I don't think Natty was talking to you, Tol, don't worry.

Okay.

You all walk over to the western archway archway leaving the room and as you approach it you can start to smell like fresh earth and iron and as you walk into this room you see it's also a circular room.

It's about 25 feet in diameter with 20 foot tall ceilings.

You look around and you see a handful of unfinished iron bars and cages laying around the room along with an anvil and an unlit furnace and some smith's tools.

This is all like center of the room?

Just all scattered around.

Besides the one you're walking in, there's an additional exit to the south that seems to be blocked by golden vertical bars.

And additionally, there's a chasm, like a fracture in the ground that's about five foot wide through the center of the room.

And laying about the chasm, you see a team.

Whoa!

Chasm, horizontal or vertical to the orientation of the room?

Vertical, like north to south.

Okay.

And a team is there.

Three of them seem to be like jittery.

And are they on the other side of the chasm from us or on our side?

Are they down?

They're on the same side as you.

Yeah, they're not down.

They're on the same side as you.

Three of them seems to be jittering uncontrollably with Private Kandranos taking care of the other three.

Is all blackness?

Okay.

Yuhua team, what's got you guys all jittery?

What's going on?

Private Kandranos turns around with like, startled, didn't hear you coming, sees you, and then kind of lets out a sigh, relieves his.

Oh, it's just B team.

You mean B team to the rescue, more like some of our guys inhaled that gas in the other room, seems to be affecting them negatively.

Oh, um, are they okay?

Do they need medical attention?

Yeah,

that's why I'm attending to them medically.

Sounds like you've got everything under control.

We followed the magistrate in here, and he triggered a blast.

There's an exit to the north of this room that's now blocked by rubble.

It caused an earthquake, which opened up this chasm.

Oh, was that like, uh, you know, a few minutes ago, perhaps a little while ago?

Yeah,

that must have been the earthquake we fought as well.

I thought that was my stomach.

Did he perhaps oh, he went through the north and that crumbled down?

Yeah, yeah, and there's like rubble and rocks and dirt kind of all on the northern wall.

So, you let him get away.

Cantrinos looks at your sis.

Yeah, maybe if we would have taken a nap, we would have the energy to take him down.

Yeah, I know that I've got plenty of energy to spare.

You're three now napping.

Yeah, those guys are on the

job.

They're taking a nap.

They are incapacitated.

They took injuries in combat.

Oh, maybe if you hadn't bridged ahead, yeah.

While all of this

bluster and masculinity in the most toxic way is going on, Natty goes down to the south because the gold bars are kind of noticeable and wants to see what's going on down there.

Yeah, you walk to the south and you take a look at them and it's just golden vertical bars that seem to block the passage going to the next room.

Is there a keyhole?

There is.

Natty

slyly puts the key in the key while they're all like seeing who's bigger.

Excuse me, I'm not bigger.

Yeah, you put the key in the keyhole and it turns with a click.

And the gold bars disappear and instead turn into 15 gold pieces that fall to the ground at your feet.

Whoa.

Hey Day.

Guys, I'm trying to think Natty's actually magic.

As you do so, Toll, make me a perception check.

Okie-dokey.

That's a 12.

As you and Private Kangranos are talking to each other, you look past her shoulder and see a jittery private Lassok begin to slip and tumble over into the chasm.

Oh, can I reach and try to grab him before he falls in?

Yeah, could any of us react in time?

Tov is probably the only one close enough, so I'll say, Tov, make me me a dexterity check.

Okay.

Here we go.

That's a 19.

Ooh.

It's like an action hero kind of moment.

Private Lassic rolls over and starts falling into the chasm, and I picture Tollv dives out, like on the ground, like belly first, sliding across the ground with his hand outstretched, and grabs onto Private Lassic's arm.

And you grab him, and he's dangling over the side of the chasm.

Can Gantik run and help pull up?

Sure.

Normally, I'd make you guys make a strength check, but...

Just a little dog on his leg.

I just got my leg while I'm pulling him up.

I'll say with the two of you, you're able to do it just fine.

Yeah, you pull Private Lasic up from falling into the chasm.

Classic, classic.

You falling forward.

There it is.

He was about to take the longest nap.

How wide did you say the chasm was?

The chasm from where you are is only about five feet across.

And the exit's to the north, but that's covered by rubble from this chasm and the earthquake and stuff.

Correct.

And there's another exit to the south that was blocked by gold bars, but that has now disappeared because Naddy turned them into gold.

Man, Naddy has magic, maybe.

Wow.

Toll, make me a perception check.

Okay.

Ooh, that's a four.

Should I use my inspo die?

What do you guys think?

Do it.

Info's good.

Ooh, better.

A nine.

More than doubled.

How about that?

I hate when that happens.

It's real positivity there.

You know, you and Gunth are able to pull Private Lassok up.

No problem.

Okay.

I toss him over with the rest of the group, and then I just

block off the chasm.

Like, I kind of make myself a human shield or orc shield.

Could I go over to the three privates that are kind of freaking out and try to help like calm them down?

I don't know if that's like a medicine check or like a...

You read my mind.

Why don't you make me a medicine check, Doug?

10.

I have a plus five and I rolled a five.

It seems like based on your knowledge that this is something that will not kill them.

It's not and it's not permanent.

This is like a temporary effect that over time will dissipate from their bodies.

Like maybe they're frightened.

It's not that it's frightened.

They have some kind of toxin affecting their nervous system.

Gotcha.

From a medical perspective.

And they just need time for it to cleanse and clear out of their body.

Doug gives them all just a giant hug.

He tries to wrap his big, big bugbear arms around them.

A Doug hug.

It's okay, guys.

I get anxious and nervous sometimes, too.

It's okay.

Giggy sees what Doug is doing and tries to to do the same thing of a medicine check.

To that or to you?

To the soldiers.

Hug Lastic Gigi, go on.

He almost fell.

He needs a hug.

I don't think Giggy knows if a hug is necessary, but Giggy tries to help them through their problems.

That's a good Giggy.

Can I roll for medicine check with Gigi?

Sure, yeah.

I wasn't sure if you wanted to do that or not, but yeah, go for it.

That's a four.

Spits on him again.

Yeah, Giggy does his best, but he doesn't know it, but it really doesn't help much.

Giggy just starts like trying to like, instead of like patting them to feel better, just starts smacking them, not knowing how hard you're supposed to do in order to give aid to somebody.

Gentle Gigi.

Gunther nods.

And could he go look at the blacksmith stuff?

Yeah.

You go take a look at it, and it seems like it's very mundane Smith tools.

Are there any materials around that are interesting or unique?

That are under seven pounds.

Well, like the gold, the gold bars that turn to gold, you know, things like that that might be like a unique that I might not have seen before.

No, everything in here is pretty mundane.

Aside from those golden bars, you know, there are some unfinished iron bars that are still in a very rough state.

I'll say there's some iron ore as well.

This may be being processed for this.

The anvil, a dark furnace that's unlit, and these tools.

Maybe at one point this was an active smith, but it doesn't seem like it has been used in a while.

Yeah.

Can I look in the furnace to see if there's anything?

You looked in furnace?

Oh.

you give myself an inspiration die.

No,

yeah, they're gonna use it, and you're gonna hate it.

No,

uh,

yeah, you take a look and like, what's specifically, like, looking through the ashes or just in general?

Yeah, like, you know, looking through the ashes, seeing if there's any things that got smelted or left behind.

Gunther's a little detective.

The one who smelt it, dealt it, perhaps.

I saw someone say Gunther had a, it was like a frog with a Batman voice, so it makes sense that he's

a detective.

Well, Gunther was the one that also like discovered the caves and like looked into it and stuff.

So

I like this tracker part of Gunther.

Why don't you make me an investigation check, Gunther?

Three perfect.

Nothing seems to stand out.

It's all just dust and ash.

The exit that Natty just opened, does it lead to a hallway or another room?

It leads directly to another circular room.

I think Natty would wander into that room.

Okay.

Natty disappears into into the next room.

Colv is gonna follow once he knows that a team is secured.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'll follow too.

Hey, medic, make sure that your guys don't like fall into that giant chasm.

Keep up the great work.

Don't worry.

Once we take care of the magistrate, we'll explore the chasm and we'll take care of that as well.

Okay, looks like you got things under control.

Yeah, we have no reason not to trust you on those words.

We do, though.

They do a lot seem like capable.

Gondoja.

We, I know that.

We don't have to say that to them, okay?

Uh, Doug, are you still in the same room with the A-team, or are you gonna follow the rest of your party?

I'll follow them, but I'll give them one tight squeeze and be like, it's gonna be okay, all right?

You've gotten through everything hard so far, Dustin Life.

You'll get through this too.

It's wonderful, Doug.

You walk into the next room, and once again, it's another circular room about, let's say, 35 feet in diameter with 30 foot high ceilings.

Bigger.

Okay.

And there are 12 pits encircling the room that all have cages on them.

And the only exit seems to be the one that you just came through.

And that's to the north of us?

To the north of the side of the room.

Yes.

Yeah.

12 pits.

Yeah.

And is it like around the circumference?

Like a big old clock.

Correct.

Very similar to how the cage layout in the first room, but now instead of cages, they're pits.

Need a better pen.

Chris, how's that map on your hand looking?

Take a picture of that.

We should post that on social.

You just have, you don't even have details.

You drew them tiny.

What's the point?

I didn't know how big of this place was going to be.

And I also made the mistake of setting up the map thinking we'd go north.

You also made the mistake of drawing it on your hand.

I can't draw.

I'm right-handed.

I can't.

Do you think this map looks bad with me drawing it with my right hand?

Draw it on your forehead then.

You've got the camera.

All right.

12 pits that have 12 cells in them.

Yeah, by the way, no one tell him he could have opened up like a notes app or something on his phone.

I don't know.

Anything.

Anything.

Paper.

Microsoft paint.

I could not find paper.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Your question was about the pits.

What was it?

I was too busy dunking on Chris.

Yeah, just that, like, so these are these are like holes in the ground, and in the holes in the ground are cells.

Well, it's not that there's cells in them, it's that there's almost like a cage cover on top of it to prevent

anyone from climbing out.

Right, exactly.

There you go.

Okay.

Is the room well lit or dark?

It seems to be lit.

That's lit for him.

Dab.

I high five, toll, and then

check the.

Is there anything in the center of the room, or are these things the only thing that's noticeable about the room?

This is all that seems to be in the room.

These pits.

What about the ceiling?

Make an investigation check.

I go, Doug, why don't we look at the ceiling together?

Doug comes over to where Natty is to look up.

Okay, thank you.

Do you say, what's up, Doug?

What's up, Doug?

No, I say I can figure it out.

There you go.

Both of you make investigation checks to see if you notice anything on the ceiling.

I roll an eight, like I figured I would.

I also rolled an eight.

No, Doug, you're supposed to be the better of us.

Joey,

I came down to your level, Naddy.

I kind of squatted and looked up.

I don't know why I did that.

It's okay.

I give Doug my inspiration dice.

No, you're not.

I give Doug my inspiration dice.

I want to know.

I'm worried that this ceiling, these rooms keep getting bigger and taller, and I want to make sure that the ceiling is not going to have like 15 demongrels hanging from.

Look up.

Tolls can look up.

I've got decent investigation.

Okay, go for it.

Go for it.

18.

There you go.

You don't have decent investigation.

You have a negative one.

Oh, you know, they don't have it.

People don't have it.

You liar.

You liar.

You totally fat liar.

Fake it till you make it.

Oh, man.

Oh, that's so funny.

I have decent investigation.

I passed, Jen.

I want you to go shoot some war warpers.

How about

all three of you look up, and there doesn't seem to be anything remarkable about the ceiling.

It's just like roughly hewn out of rock.

While they look up, could I look down for any things on the ground, like things you'd step on?

What do you call those?

Pedestals?

Like pressure plates?

Plate pressure plates.

Yeah, you step on pedestals.

So essentially, you're looking for traps.

Yeah.

Checking for traps in DM.

Make an investigation check.

Yeah.

Ha.

16.

Decent investigation.

No, you you don't detect any pressure plates or anything out of the ordinary other than, of course, the pits that are in the ground.

Can I check one of the pits?

I'm so curious what's into these pits.

Hold your breath.

Oh, okay.

Which one do you want to look at?

If you think of it in quadrants, there's three in the northeast quadrant, three in the southeast, three in the southwest, and three in the northwest.

Yeah, it's like a big old clock, I'm assuming.

Yeah, roughly, but there's no, like, there's no 12, 3, 6, and 9.

Like, it's not at the actual, like, lined up like a clock exactly.

Okay, well then I guess I'll just start at the ones nearest to the door So I'm gonna consider that like one through three o'clock-ish sure and you're gonna do the same like clockwise just like before in the previous one sure.

I think that was dug But yeah, I'm gonna follow suit and just go I think we go clockwise Yeah, you take a look into that pit and the inside is just charred and blackened all you see in there is like ashes and bone fragments and it's not reachable is it if I like put my hand in or anything like that?

If you had to guess, you would say the pit's roughly like a five-foot cube, five by five by five.

Okay, and this is ashes and bone fragments in each of the three in that upper quadrant.

Oh, you're doing all three?

I was just doing the first one.

Uh, yeah, let me, I'm gonna make a roll.

You don't worry about it.

Shut up.

Okay, all right.

You shut up.

I'm not gonna

do anything.

Oh my god, he rolled it in that 20.

Yeah, all three of these seem to be very similar.

They're just all charred and blackened with ash and bone in them.

Okay.

Guys, this I'm noticing a theme here with fire, brimstone, ashes, bone fragments.

This place could use some sprucing up, some throw pillows or something.

I don't know.

Does there seem to be any like contraptions that might be spewing fire into this room?

Like any pipes or anything like that on the ceiling?

Or why don't you make me an investigation check, Doug?

Okay, investigating one more time for 23.

It's a pretty good investigation.

Pretty good.

Gus is making more and more rolls, and it's making me more and more nervous.

I had to get something done.

I'm trying to get ahead of you guys.

I'm taking care of something in the future that I think you all are going to get to, so I'm just getting it knocked out now, so I don't have to worry about it then.

He's just looking at a map of like 15 enemies hiding in wait.

So I assume, Doug, you take a look at this first three, this first quadrant that Tov was looking in as well.

Yes.

Yeah, you take a look, and based on Doug's...

I don't know, what you would say, mechanical knowledge, like the way Doug's brain works, you can tell that these are fire pits, and there must be some kind of ignition source at the bottom that makes it fill with fire.

I also like how you're like, he could figure out based on the way Doug's brain works.

And I think the actual quote is, Doug's brain works.

Yes, that's

accurate.

You can figure it out.

I can figure it out.

Does that seem to be the case on pretty much every single pit in here?

You begin, you know, walking around through all of the different pits, and you notice when you get to the second quadrant in the southeast corner, that the fifth pit you take a look at is actually not as charred and blackened you can see that in one corner of the pit there is like some goods some items like piled up it must be blocking the ignition source oh oh and also in this pit you see a deceased prisoner do they look burnt or just dead like uh not burnt it just looks like maybe they've just passed away through some other way uh guys there's a there's a a dead fella in here and and based on my calculations i think what happened was he got probably thrown in and had stuff on him and he maybe shoved it into the the places where the fire comes out or whatever and kind of saved himself no he did not yeah well tried to save himself so is it like skellington or is it like a new like uh you know recent prisoner it's very old it seems like this body has been here for a very long time he probably maybe couldn't get back out of the pit so maybe died of starvation and sure

other causes.

Bummer.

This broom had gold bars blocking it.

That's so weird.

Is the grate?

Uh, can it be lifted?

Opened?

Uh, you give it a tug, and they appear to be stuck, but then after a second, it uh pops open.

Wow.

Great deadlift, Naddy.

Good form.

I did it with my back.

Never lift with your back.

Even I know that.

The trick is to twist your body 90 degrees and pull as hard as you can.

And hold your breath, okay?

Oh, God.

Natty turns to Gunther and goes, Gunther, you want to use your little hoppity hops to check this out?

okay Gunther we just watched Natty kill two innocent things I just want you to be careful

so it's five it's only like five feet down yeah I mean I yeah I can hop down there and look without disturbing the stuff piled up like the plugged pipe understood why don't you make me an investigation check that's a five pretty good investigation like you said you're avoiding the stuff

that's in the corner uh it's like a pile of shiny metal of some kind and the deceased body in here seems to be some kind of maybe human and there's a plaque around his neck what does the plaque say the plaque says caldaman the avaricious

caldaman c-a-l-d-e-m-a-n the avaricious avaricious like uh very

yeah no these are all words i don't know wait spelled like like everest or avarice like avarice avaricious okay i thought you said everest no no no like mount avaricious Avaricious.

It's like a hoarding.

Selfish.

Greedy.

Greedy.

That's the word.

Greedy.

Ah, okay.

And then there's all the gold piled up.

Chris's D ⁇ D characters.

Barney Farney?

Call the man.

Call demand.

And then there's all that gold and stuff piled up there, eh?

I just said it was shiny metal.

Shiny metal?

Can I look at the shiny metal without touching?

Yeah, it looks to be some kind of like shiny cup.

A shiny cup can i get out of the pit yeah absolutely can i get out of the pit do you bring the cup or leave it no i'm leaving the cup get out of the pit and then i want to uh use my tongue and grab the cup that's better and then jump back that's better yeah the range on that's more than five feet right for your tongue

what is it uh let me check he just goes uh-huh no

i want to i want to say it's like 15 feet but 10 feet okay yeah did you learn nothing from indiana jones in the last crusade let the cup go yeah you get back out and use your tongue on this cup and you bring it back up and everyone can see it's a silver chalice that's encrusted with rubies.

Does Doug recognize this at all?

Make a wisdom check, Doug.

18.

Wow.

It does not look like it's anything remarkable.

It doesn't strike you as something historic or noteworthy.

It's just a very fancy, finely made chalice.

Okay.

And with rubies like around it.

Correct.

Okay.

Fetch a decent price.

It might be cursed.

Probably.

Or maybe there's some magical ability.

So

we should probably consolidate all the cursed stuff with you, Gunther.

Okay.

Are you going to hold on to it, Gunther?

Should we keep it?

I mean, it might come in handy.

You do you, my little frog.

I don't know.

It depends if you want to end up like the guy who had it.

So.

Oh, Calderman?

That guy's great.

Yeah.

Alright, alright.

I think Gunther's a little, like, wary.

What do you call it when you're like religious?

What is it?

Superstitious?

Superstitious.

He's a little superstitious.

So can he take his rope, tie it to the end of the cup, and then have it dragged around behind him?

I'm going to call you out on this.

Why is he superstitious about the little cup, but not the ebony and pearl clothing that he pulled from the other dead people?

Also, that's not a very warm thing to do.

That makes noise.

Right.

It's quiet.

Clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang.

Well, to me, wearing the wrong clothes, I don't know, that seems like a societal thing versus this seems like greed is bad.

I don't know.

In his mind, it makes difference.

So he doesn't necessarily want the cup.

From my perspective, the Jedi are evil.

Yeah, from my perspective, the cup is bad.

Should we see if any of the other pits were not charred?

We got like seven other pits to check, yeah.

Sure.

Just for clarification, are you tying the cup and pulling it behind you, Gunther?

Yeah, unless

the gang doesn't want me to.

Yeah, you do, you.

You do you.

Just so you know, if you're going to write this down in your inventory, it's the silver chalice with rubies.

It's worth about 20 gold.

If you want to write that down, just so I don't forget in the future.

Also, write down disadvantage on stealth rolls.

All right, you all turn around to begin working your way around the rest of the pits.

And as you do so, you hear like a very brief hiss and then a roar.

And the pit that Gunther was just in fills with flame.

Wow.

Dude, you almost died.

Are you cool?

That's scary.

So was that chalice maybe protecting?

Well, it was blocking the thing.

Yeah, it was like constipating this flame system.

Yeah, it seemed like it was blocking some sort of gas or some sort of vent system.

Yeah.

So it seems like this chalice might be good luck for shoving into places that we need to shove it into.

Yeah.

You continue your search and most of the other pits seem just charred and filled with ash and, you know, remnants of bone.

However, in one other pit on the northwest quadrant the 10th pit you search uh you do find again another body of a deceased prisoner and with some items in the corner seemingly plugging up something all right gunther you know the drill i pull out the grate yeah you pull it up and again it resists but then after a couple of moments it snaps and then you're able to open it up all right gunther hops down takes a look make that investigation check yeah Five again.

The world's greatest detective.

He's trying.

Give him a break.

That's a compliment.

World's greatest.

I'll see.

I'll fix that.

Look at him.

He's like the world's greatest detective.

It's because his eyes are kind of poking out the side, so

he's looking straight ahead, but his pupils are pointing the tops of directions.

He has to really turn his head really fast to see what's the point of.

Maybe it's fortunate that it's you who came down here, Gunther, because you can tell that this prisoner was a crook folk of some kind.

Whoa.

And also has a plaque hanging around her neck.

Her?

In the corner, you see a metallic object kind of shoved in, almost similar to the way the chalice was in the other pit.

And what did the plaque say?

The plaque says, Pan DeFriar IV, the vainglorious.

Is that a name I recognize?

Make a wisdom check.

14.

You don't recognize it per se, but it's an old name amongst the Croak folk.

And the body, what's the level of decomposition and what's the attire that it might have?

It's pretty decomposed.

Seems like this body has been here a long time, which would make sense with, you know, the older name.

And the clothing seems to be very mundane, like you would expect from a prisoner, like shoddy, poorly made clothes.

It's been here so long, it's really starting to fall apart.

You know, in fact, as you're looking at the clothing, you can see that the remains of a tattoo seem to be peeking out from under the clothing, under one of the sleeves on this body's arm, near her shoulder.

And what's the tattoo?

She's pretty cool.

You have to get a little closer, and you can see that it's a tattoo of a fiery flower.

You know, and now that you're looking at that arm, you know, you see the tattoo on her shoulder, you know, you look down to examine the rest of her arm and you realize that she has a scroll in her hand.

Can I inspect that or pick it up and look?

Yeah, you pick it up and you can see that there's words on it.

You read it and it says, Were this crystal found on crowns, its flowing tears would fill one's ears.

Were this crystal found on crowns?

Yeah, its flowing tears would fill one's ears.

Creepy.

What you gonna do, Gunther?

Well, one, I'll pull out a book, and this time I whisper something.

Ooh, what does that sound like?

I'm so glad I asked.

And then, can I look at the pile of stuff?

Yeah, it's just one object.

It's like almost like a cylindrical metal object.

Seems to be made out of some kind of brass, maybe.

Like a dull, shiny piece of metal.

Not like a crystal.

Not a crystal.

Not.

But yeah, it's hard to see because it is, since it is plugging up a hole of some kind, it's also partially partially obstructed still some sort of brass pipe I said cylindrical, but it's not hollow It's solid like you can see on the end.

It's not like a pipe where you can see through it Okay, okay, can I hop out and then try the tongue grab again?

Sure.

Yeah, you hop out and use your tongue grab on it and pull it out and Now that you pull it out you can see that what you were seeing before was some kind of tarnish and now that you have it in your hands you see that it's actually made of iron and uh It's an iron cryptics, which is a type of puzzle.

I read Da Vinci's code.

It's got three dials on it.

Hmm.

What are the different, like, are there characters?

Is it words on the differential?

It's letters.

Letters.

What are the letters?

It's like every letter in the alphabet on all three dials.

So a three-letter word would unlock it.

Oh, yeah, like you have to pick out the word to unlock it, yeah.

It's like a

lock for your bike.

Yeah, exactly.

But it's got a, it's usually got something inside of it when you unlock it.

And then it tells you that Jesus actually had kids and

the secrets hidden in the bottom of the Louvre.

And you're Tom Hanks.

I think I know the answer to this, but it's I don't think it's something that's a word that Gunther would know.

Oh, what's your thought process?

Like, how did you get here?

Three-letter word that would melt or that would create water.

That's a crystal.

Has Gunther

shared the information from the scroll and all this stuff?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hey, Gunther,

something I have a lot of experience with, but maybe you do not because you're from the arid desert.

There's this stuff called ice.

Spelled ice-C-E.

You try that?

Ice.

Yeah.

You know what water is?

Yes.

So imagine like it's like really cold and then that water, okay, it hardens and then it turns into a crystal called ice.

With magic?

Well, you know, with weather and climate change, you know.

But like the good kind of climate change, maybe?

I don't know.

Something we're probably not experiencing.

I don't know.

Dunther nods, but doesn't get it.

But just trust me.

Hands you the hands you the thing.

Okay, okay, thank you.

And then I scroll in ice.

Yeah, you rotate the device around so that the lock reads I C E.

Show me ice.

With a clip, the cryptics open.

Okay, and then I give it back to Gunther.

There you go.

Is it the fastest we've ever solved a puzzle in the entire history of Tails of Stinky Dragon?

I thought we'd be here a while.

My guess was going to be wax.

Oh, that's good too.

That's good.

It's ears.

Yeah, yeah, it'd fill one's ears.

Wax crystals.

There's such a thing as wax crystals.

So it opens up and then, uh, what's inside?

If you want to find out what's inside, you need to listen to the next episode of Tales of the Sneaky Dragon.

Tell me,

You're punishing us for solving puzzles, good.

Yeah, you're doing what you asked.

I'm punishing you for taking over an hour in the first room.

If you want to find out what's in

the cryptics, tune in to the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Next week, we'll have an episode of Second Wind talking about this.

Maybe we'll delve in a little more into what was going on in here.

And next campaign episode, we'll pick it up.

And how can people watch Second Wind, guys?

What a great question.

You can watch Second Wind if you are a member of our Patreon, go to stinkydragonpod.com, or if you're a member over at beacon at beacon.tv.

Don't forget to head over to store.stinkydragonpod.com to fully outfit yourself in a world of stink with all of our stinky apparel and other stinky goodies available.

Again, that's store.stinkydragonpod.com.

And I have it on good record that every purchase directly supports Tales from the Stinky Dragon podcast.

Pass it on.

New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you're streaming podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel.

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Become a patron at stinkydragonpod.com or become a member of beacon at beacon.tv.

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Can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show.

Want to give a thanks to some friends of ours who did voices for characters in this episode, like Doug's Brother, voiced by Andrew Rosas at andrewrosis.ig from Midnight Snack TV, Gottfried, voiced by Tyler Coe, at um Tyler Coe, Greta, voiced by Michelle Everhart, at Michelle underscore Figali, Mr.

Gigglesworth, voiced by Jack Botillo, at Jack Botillo, Yarl Ironclad, voiced by Adam Ellis at adam.e.Ellis, Ellis, and Private Tanginos, voiced by Jillian Moroney at underscore Jillian from Redweb Podcast.

I know those people.

This week's error question was submitted by Spork.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Gunther goes and gives

daddy.

Gunther goes and

gives Mateed.

Nope.

Nope.

God damn it.

I just love that this is Chris trying to actually succeed in like a sentimental real moment, and he is failing in the way that Chris Demerys can fail in these moments.