C03 - Ep. 05 - Mission Through Middrus - Mined like a Steal Trap

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Merry meetings to all you meet thrill dragons.

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Previously, our adventurers entered the underground caverns of Cortege.

They subverted steamy subterfuge, searched cells, dealt with demongrels, and encountered an earthquake.

Next, they assembled with a team, crossed by a crevice, and perused through some pits with a croak folks cryptex.

Latch on to our libation, and let's leap into our lore.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I'm Gustavo Sorola.

I'm the dungeon master of this stinky mess.

Told,

please let me finish my intro.

I'm so sorry.

I'll get to you in a second.

Told

I have to, I have to welcome our listeners first.

I know you're very excited.

Told and I have had a lot of coffee this morning.

It's gonna be one of those days.

It is.

Before we dive into everything, though, I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow.

Why would you do this?

I was saying hello.

What does your character like to do in their downtime?

And this arrow was submitted by HypeGator69.

I think we know who should go first.

Who?

New hooks.

Stop talking.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, sorry, I was.

My bad, my bad.

Oh, man.

You hoots me, Tove.

I am a male orc barbarian.

Level three.

What?

You're adding adjectives.

Yeah, that's what it says on the DD Beyond.

Gee whiz.

Oh, and what I do in my spare time.

Oh, you know, when I was out on the open seas, I'd love to look out onto the oceans and the water and just take in the glory of the nature and all of the, you know,

all of the water.

But when I got back on land, I realized the importance of skincare.

So

now it's a lot of moisturizing

and

taking care of my skin because you only get one, you know?

So I need to make sure that I'm not sunburned, you know?

You only get one skin?

Isn't that the

skin?

That's the same.

Yeah.

That's the saying.

Okay.

What was your favorite nature on the ocean?

I always think of the ocean as not having too much nature when you're looking out and about.

I mean, but obviously you know more than I do.

When you look out over the ocean, what's your favorite nature?

Well, sometimes when you look out of the ocean, you can see like

a little island and then you stare at it real hard and then you realize that's not an island.

My mind's playing tricks on me.

Oh no.

Hey, I have a question.

I have a question real quick for Tov.

I like this question.

Tov, what's your favorite fish?

My favorite fish?

Oh, um,

cat.

Is this another, it's just another arrow question being asked.

Yeah, I'm just, you know, he's talking about the nature out in the sea, and I figure Tov knows a lot of fish and probably has figured out his favorite after all that time of staring at the water.

Yeah, I mean, sharks are very scary, but I like the dolphins, they're fun, they don't work.

Sometimes

I like how Tov says sharks.

That's my that's my uh my thing.

Yeah, then

that's me, that's a dolphin.

Uh, who's next?

Uh, Hattie, y'all.

Uh, I'm John Reisinger, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a Drow Elf Warlock.

Dark elf, Drow, Dark Elf, parentheses, Drow.

Wow,

question for you.

Bimmy Devil.

Before you get into your answer of your arrow question, this is something our community has been wondering.

Why does Natty have a tail?

Oh.

Because typically Drows don't have tails, right?

I guess we'll have to find out the answer to that.

Mystery.

Oh,

the mystery of Natty will reveal itself as time progresses.

She is quite the mystery.

We'll unwrap this onion layer by layer.

But I will say, none of y'all know.

And that's me saying to the audience.

Oh.

What do I do in my spare time?

Well, I think

to no surprise of anybody, being a mother.

is a full-time job.

And so even in my spare time, I devote as much time as I can and attention as I can to my little giggy.

Because boy howdy, if I don't get that boy on his treadmill at least three times a day that boy has so much energy i swear he's just made of sugar and and hype that boy can just keep going and going he's like an energizer bunny he's like a hype gator what is the the dnd version of a treadmill

I just I put like an oil slick on the ground and I hold his leash and I just let him go and he'll just go.

He'll just go and go and go.

I think what you could also do as like a D ⁇ D style treadmill would be to have Gigi attached to like a mill.

Let him go around pushing the millstone, grinding up grain and corn.

That way it's like you're getting use out of that energy.

Yeah.

Conan the barbarian.

I want to say Gigi was absolutely adorable and Natty might not know this, but Gigi was absolutely adorable in the episode three thumbnail.

Looked great.

I love the way, yeah, the art for Gigi is fantastic.

Natty knows Gigi's adorable.

He is perfection incarnate.

Well, he's your son.

I guess.

Takes after his mom.

Popcorn Doug.

Oh, okay.

What?

I never heard that term before, but based on my assumptions, I assume that means like you're passing it to me.

Yeah, why not?

Pass the microphone.

Well, hello, everybody.

My name is Doug Boone.

I am an artificial bug bail.

And Gus, are we revealing subclasses yet, or is that kind of like to be revealed?

Oh, that's up to you guys.

It's whatever you want to share.

People know what I am.

Okay, perfect.

Well, I guess this will be the big reveal.

Drum roll, everybody.

Doug is a battle smith.

What does that mean?

What is that?

Oh, you'll find out.

Kind of like Natty's Tale.

Google it.

So I call you Doug Boone Smith now?

Only in battle.

Oh,

yeah, a Mr.

Smith in battle.

But in Doug's spell time, you know, this might not come as a shock to anybody, but Doug enjoys weeding, thinking, tinkling.

I'm picturing Doug in his garden pulling out weeds now.

Yep, weeding.

Weeding.

Oh, right, right, right.

Sorry, Doug.

Let me say it one more time.

Weeding.

Big gardener.

With my books.

Yeah, you know, Doug always is trying to improve his studies and learn more about the world.

So

what's the latest book you read?

The latest book I read was

how to be a good god parent to your friend's weird baby

for dummies.

It's good to know.

Very important.

I'm glad Duck's taking it seriously and is not, you know, does not just taking this lightly.

You got to really know.

Well, yeah, Doug, Doug never really had any kids of his own or any nephews or nieces.

And so this is kind of his first experience with the little ones.

Yeah.

It's a very specific target audience with that book.

They've sold five copies.

What's Doug's opinion on Sarah J.

Moss?

Oh, Doug.

Doug's heard of those books.

He hasn't been allowed to read those yet.

Oh, okay.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I don't know.

A court of thorns is the author of that.

Okay.

Popcorn to Gunshot.

There you go.

I'm Chris Tamaris, and I play Gunther the Croakfolk.

He's a male fighter, level three.

Kind of looks like a frog.

Cool.

And for passing time,

I like to

dance.

But I do not dance as much by myself now.

But I also enjoy spending time with animals.

Oh.

Any specific animals?

Bugs.

Oh.

I don't know if those are qualified as animals, but

more insects.

What kind of dancing do you do, Gunther?

Leapfrog.

Do you dance if you wanna?

I was gonna make that joke.

I beat you.

I beat you to it, guys.

He left his friends behind.

Can you demonstrate to dance, Gunther?

Not by myself.

Can I dance with you, Gunther?

Can you, leapfrog?

I certainly can try.

Let us go.

Okay.

Both of you make performance checks.

I'm imagining that Tolva can't jump.

Like, that to me is my.

Oh, man.

I rolled a one.

14.

I stomp on Gunther.

I think, Gunther, you probably start trying to dance, but it's been a while and you've got some performance anxiety dancing in front of your friends for the first time.

So you just leapfrog ride into troll's knees.

Yeah.

You do a kick and I just jump into it.

Gunther was flying off into the distance.

So that's how you're going to start the episode.

Have to go retrieve Gunther.

It's an iron cryptics, which is a type of puzzle.

I read Da Vinci's code.

It's got three dials on it.

Hmm.

What are the different, like, are there characters?

Is it words on the dials?

It's letters.

Letters.

What are the letters?

It's like every letter in the alphabet on all three dials.

So a three-letter word would unlock it.

Oh, yeah, like you have to

pick out the word to unlock it, yeah.

It's like a like a lock for your bike.

Yeah, exactly.

But it's got a, it's usually got something inside of it when you unlock it.

And then it tells you that Jesus actually had kids and there the secrets hidden in the bottom of the Louvre.

And you're Tom Hanks.

I think I know the answer to this, but it's, I don't think it's something that's a word that Gunther would know.

Oh, what's your thought process?

Like, how did you get here?

Uh, three-letter word that would melt or that would create water.

That's a crystal.

Has Gunther

shared the information from the scroll and all this stuff?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hey, Gunther,

something I have a lot of experience with, but maybe you do not because you are from an arid desert.

There's this stuff called ice.

Spelled ice-c-event

ice.

Yeah.

You know what water is?

Yes.

So imagine like it's like really cold and then that water, okay, it hardens and then it turns into a crystal called ice.

With magic.

Well, you know, with weather and climate change, you know.

But like the good kind of climate change, maybe?

I don't know.

Something we're probably not experiencing.

I don't know.

Got their nods, but doesn't get it.

But just trust me.

Hands you to hand you the thing.

Okay, okay, thank you.

And then I scroll in ice.

Yeah, you rotate the device around so that the lock reads I C E.

Show me ice.

With a click, the cryptics opens.

As you do so, Gunther, a memory is triggered.

You recall something inside your mind.

You're a little croakling, about 13 years old, with warts peppering your cheeks.

What was Gunther like when he was a teenager?

Um, Um he had a tail.

No tail.

No.

Like a tab.

You lose your tail.

You lose your tail.

Wait, when did Gunther's voice change?

Yeah.

When did Gunther go through frog puberty?

Hey, here's the sound like this.

I love it.

So what was he like?

What was he like?

What was Gunther like?

I think he was very into

exploring.

Like one of those kids who likes to go play in the creek.

Sure.

But there was no creek.

It was a...

It was a desert.

It was a croak.

Yeah, you know, so an explorer, it seems like you wanted to see what else was out in the world.

It's what I'm gathering from what you said.

Well, at the time, you were helping your father, Gottfried Bootkes Windbreaker, on your farm, tending to a swarm of flies.

You remember your father, Gottfried, a sinewy croak folk with yellowish skin, a sinewy frame, and glossy eyes.

He may be a little spacey, but he's definitely very solemn within his beliefs.

Gunther, did you ever have a nickname for your father?

Or do you just call him Dad?

Papa.

Papa.

Why did it take you so long to do that?

Yeah, leave that time in.

Leave that blank air in.

You recall in this memory as you're helping your father on the farm that One fly in particular goes astray from the swarm and you needed to head out and rein it back in.

What did you do at that time to get that fly back in with the rest of the swarm?

First I go and I try to get the net.

The fly net.

But

I also try and talk to the fly.

Oh, do they respond to that?

Sometimes, if you're nice, then I talk and they say, it's okay,

little one.

But I sounded different.

Did you ever get like attached to any of them?

I know sometimes people on farms have like a favorite animal.

Yes, oh yeah.

Yes, yes, yes, because if you stick your tongue out, they get attached.

Is that good or bad for them?

Depends on if you eat them.

Okay,

I kind of figured that's where that was going.

Your father, Gottfried, taught you lessons, you know, throughout your life.

They really shaped you and formed you as you were growing up.

He was very particular about protecting the croak folk ways and traditions and your home.

And you remember a story that he told you at the time when you brought back this fly to the swarm?

Yes, I remember it like it was yesterday.

What?

What was it?

Why don't you read to me what the fire is?

I remember it like it was yesterday.

What was it?

Your father, when you returned with the fly, your father told you.

Can you imagine what this fly has heard, Gunther?

What secrets it could spill to the rest of the world?

We cannot let anyone or anything

wander astray from our home.

we must protect our secrets and what is our most sacred secret gunther

i won't tell

very

good

just between us croak folk we must know our sacred secret is our deity the one true god the wilder flower She gave us this land.

She blesses us with croaklings like you.

And she protects us from the forbidden folk beyond our border.

That's how it works.

We protect her.

She protects us.

Do you remember my favorite proverb?

The one I'm always telling you.

Tame your tongue or tie it taut.

Tame the tongue, tie it taut.

I like us doing a Gunther impression.

That's Gottfried.

That's Gottfried.

It's a totally different character.

Not Gunther at all.

Also known as

Papa.

I don't mean to undermine Papa's wisdom, but when he said, imagine what this fly has seen, flies live about 28 days.

You're talking about traditional flies.

Well, flies also have a different perspective on the world.

I will give that.

You know, we are terrestrial.

We operate in two dimensions, whereas a fly gets to operate in three dimensions.

Oh.

Also, you ever think about, you know, when the fly gets in your car and then you drive to like Dallas and then you let it out and then it's like, I'm across the universe.

You know,

maybe that happened to that fly.

Maybe you've seen things.

Okay.

Very true.

I think about that sometimes when I'm on a plane and there's like a fly or an insect.

Like, man, this, this insect is going further than like for millennia, insects lived in a tiny little radius around a specific place.

This one's going on an adventure.

This is the new Armstrong of flies, yeah.

It has no idea.

It's not going to know anyone when we get to LA.

It's going to

be home.

Oh, man.

Okay.

The memory fades, Gunther.

And then you refocus on what's in front of you.

The cryptics.

And it opens up.

And...

So we're back to present day now, right?

Present day, yeah.

Gunther, you just kind of zoned out for a while, dude.

I'm sorry.

He kind of looks the same to me.

His eyes just kind of like going off on either side or something like that.

You pop open the cryptics, and inside you find a sharp fragment of blue metal and it feels cool to the touch and it looks kind of like it could be the shard of a blade.

Blue metal?

Yeah.

It's a sharp fragment of blue metal.

Do you think, well, I guess I wouldn't know this, but just by being players in this D ⁇ D campaign, we obviously heard what Gunther's like flashback memory was and what his parents said to him potentially.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, that's a metagame thing, but...

That a metagame, yeah.

Yeah, maybe Gunther would have shared it at some point.

I don't know.

Gunther, is that something you would have shared because you all have known each other for a little while now by this point um can i roll to see if gigi tries to eat the shard

what roll would that be i would have you make a i guess a slight of hand check but i would give at disadvantage because it's going to be very targeted but i do want to hear chris's answer uh about that first go for it i think Gunther would have talked about his deity.

So he would have broken his dad's promise to his dad?

Well, like, not in specifics.

Oh, okay.

Like, just more about his faith.

Does that make sense?

Gotcha.

Yeah.

And maybe generally about his relationship with his dad and stuff like that.

I don't know if he talks about his dad as much.

Oh, okay.

Maybe yet.

Okay.

Not yet.

But I think he would have talked about his general beliefs.

Like, open about that he is religious.

Sure.

It's like your dad always said.

Tame your tongue or tie it top.

Say that ten times fast.

Anyway, back to your question, John.

Make me a sleight of hand check, but at disadvantage.

Okay, first I had to roll to see if Gigi was going to do it.

He is going to do it.

I don't know.

Sleight a hand on Gigi.

Because I assume he's just going to try to grab it, right?

Yeah.

Well, he's trying to eat it.

Yeah.

He's trying to eat it.

In order to put it in his mouth with his hand, he's going to try it.

Oh, he's going from mouth.

He's going mouth to mouth.

Yeah.

Sleight of mouth, I guess.

Which in this case, there's sleight of hand.

I got to see what his modifier is for, what is that, Dex?

Yeah.

Okay, it's plus three.

He was a dexterous little guy.

Do I make like an opposing one?

We'll see how this this goes and then we'll have you do that.

18 at disadvantage.

Wow.

Yeah, I rolled a 15 and a 16 plus three.

Dexterous little booger.

I might roll an opposing roll with Gunther too,

because this seems important.

In that case, I would have Gunther either make a strength or dexterity check his choice and then Toll make a dexterity check to assist.

Okay.

I rolled in four plus four for an eight.

I rolled a 20 on dexterity.

Ooh.

Gunther, you get lost in thought looking at this blue shard.

And Gigi comes up mouth first,

about to swallow the blade when at the last second, Tollv steps in and does that thing where like an adult picks up a little kid who's wandering around and like Toll just picks him up like under the armpits like go to Luncle Toll.

Ooh, distraction, distraction!

Hello, Gigi.

Let's look over here.

Ooh.

Gigi is like...

doing the whole like a like a dog that's wriggling in your arms and he's trying to like like lick you and slobber you and try to get you and like maybe a few little like playful nips like

like like

so cute so precious

are at you do i recognize or know anything about this piece of metal make me a

either wisdom or history check i'll leave it to your discretion the wisdom dang i got bad rolls nine yeah what's going on normally chris you have really good roles it's uh it's unusual for you i don't think i mentioned in this episode i mentioned it in the previous episode this cryptyx was on or was being held by a Croakfolk, or a deceased Croakfolk.

And on that Croakfolk, you saw there was a tattoo on its arm.

It was two intersecting W's.

And you think that this particular shard of metal that you're holding has some relevance to your

deity or to Croakfolk.

As a reminder, there was a tattoo of a fiery flower, and Tolv wouldn't know this, but Blaine knows this, that the deity is the Wilder Flower.

So that must be the Wilderflower.

Could be.

Where was that tattoo?

The flower one?

On the Croakfolk body in the cage.

On its arm, yeah.

As well as the two intersecting W's?

Correct.

Two intersecting W's, like Weezer or what?

Yeah, like are they like overlapping?

Huge Weezer fan, yeah.

W and W side by side overlapping.

Not the Weezer one's like one on top of each other.

They're like right on top of each other.

Okay.

Right.

Yes.

So which band is this one?

The Wilderflower.

So you guys are still in this room with the 12 pits, 10 of which are charred, 2 of which have deceased prisoners in them.

And you all are in the northwest corner of this circular room.

And just to let you know in case you don't have your notes, this is a circular room about 35 feet wide with 30-foot-high ceilings.

The only exit visible is to the north, and that's where you all encountered a team in the crevice.

There you go.

Blaine's got his map.

You are correct, Blaine.

Mine washed away.

Barbara, that's good too.

You got it.

Wait, what?

Washed away?

He drew the map.

He had a wash hand.

Oh, right.

He tried.

For five days, he went without washing his hands.

I saw it.

That tracks.

I think I can see yours now, John.

Yeah, got it.

Looks good.

I want credit too.

You three for drawing a map that you can reference.

All three of you get inspiration dice.

Yay!

Who doesn't have inspiration dice?

I don't have one.

Okay, then I gift one to Gunther so.

So that's very kind of you.

It's mighty big of you, John.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As long as it's not against the intent of the assignment from me.

You cheated.

You're looking at his homework and you copied it, Chris.

That's what happened here.

Dude, I'm using like highlighters.

I'm doing everything.

Dang.

Chris walked up to the turn-in-homework thing, said, oops, I forgot to write my name.

Went back to his desk, took the scripture of the map, and then turned it in.

Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

I 100%

helped some popular people with their homework in order to get credit.

What are they doing now, John?

Are they a professional podcaster, a DVD player?

I don't think so.

I don't think so, but who knows?

How many followers do they have on Patreon and have not kept up with anybody from my past?

You're number one, John.

Thank you for being it.

I'm not going to make a ruling right now, but I might change the gifting inspiration die rule eventually to where if you gift it, the person has to use it immediately.

It must be in the moment where they can use it to avoid

rewarding lack of note-taking.

We are breaking the inspiration die economy with our actions, and we got to be careful.

All right.

Yeah, it's very delicate.

I can just give it to Gigi if you want instead of gunther no no no it's fine the fed is controlling the interest on uh inspiration die right now we're expecting some uh some rate cuts which would really uh hopefully uh spur some spending

okay so we haven't left the position we are in the room in the in the north area okay we haven't left that spot but we did check all the holes correct i believe that this one was like the last one you checked you all entered and then you went east and then went all the way through all of the different uh pits and this was this was either the last one or the next to the last one.

And there were only two, out of all 12, only two of them had bodies.

And this was the final one you checked.

Okay.

Hey, y'all.

Hi.

Point of order.

There doesn't seem to be any sort of exit out of this room.

So, in the event that we feel like we have properly investigated everything in here,

the only place that I recall we haven't been through was that first place with all the cages.

There was a doorway to the east that we didn't go through.

I think the dogs came through there.

The dogs.

Who let the dogs out?

Who did let the dogs out?

What happened to make the dogs come in again?

We did something, right?

Alarm.

Yeah, you all allowed the whistle to sound.

Initially, when Naddy stepped on the steps going up to the bench, a whistle positioned itself over the steam vent, which was covered at the time, but then you all uncovered it to allow it to make the sound.

And then immediately after that, it's when the dogs showed up.

The demongrels showed up.

Naddy, I have something as well to add to that.

The floor recognizes tall.

Okay, two things: one, there was the rubble exit to the north of the last room, so there's that.

And then, two,

Gigi has taken a number two and needs a diaper change.

I'll do it.

I read about this in my book.

Oh, that'd be great, Doug.

Normally, he just eats it, but if you want to change it, that'd be what that works well.

Good lord, he just gave it to me.

Oh,

guys,

I think he ate it.

I'm not seeing anything new.

It's very clean.

Yuck.

We did have the rubble.

Did you want to take a stab at that rubble and see if we could clear some of it?

I probably wouldn't stab rubble.

I think it would hurt my sword.

But we can try moving the rubble, sure.

You have a sword?

No, I have an axe.

I have an axe.

I thought you had a hammer.

Oh, good God.

I have a hammer.

I have a hammer.

Well, why don't you just check right now just to make sure we know what equipment you got?

Let me make sure my shield.

Can I take an inspiration to dive back

i have a shield and i have a war hammer is it a one-handed hammer or a two-handed hammer well if i have the shield out it's a two one-handed hammer two one handed it's a two one handed hammer gus 21 hands yeah

i have the opportunity to do two handed attacks

with with a 1d10 plus three or a one-handed attack one d8 plus three but i am choosing to keep it as a one-handed so that i can continue to use my shield Yeah.

Okay.

Well, you seem to have the tool needed with your hammer that you never forget you have.

So stop.

Hammer time.

So very rude.

Sorry to get you off.

You're stopping.

Stop.

Tove, you're going to kill me someday with these jokes.

I swear, you need to do stand-up, okay?

I think he might accidentally kill you by forgetting what weapon he has.

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Let's go, let's go do some mining.

How about that?

Ookie dokey?

Don't mind if I do.

Am I killing you with my jokes, Daddy?

Doug, I adore your wit.

Thank you.

Let's go.

I read that in my book of puns.

I

carry with me.

So you walk back to the north, and this room is also circular, but a little smaller than the room you were just in.

This one is probably about 25 feet across with 20 foot-high ceilings.

It smells of fresh earth and iron, and there's a handful of unfinished iron bars and cages that lay around the room, along with an anvil, an unlit furnace, and some Smith's tools.

And if I recall, I believe Gunther investigated those Smith's tools and may have picked some up the last time y'all were in here.

He didn't pick any up because he already had some, but he did look and investigate god and look in the hearth and we didn't give them to anyone else that didn't have them blacksmithing tools smithing tools anyone wants them do we have a smith yeah they're still here if somebody wants them is there we have a smith is there a smith in the room smith

i i mean i'm a battle smith but there it is i already have smithing tools i believe you should let me double check like my friend toll checked his weapons as well

What weapons?

I actually could use these smith tools if I could pick them up.

Yeah, sure.

Go for it.

Does Doug have like little baggies or does he just stuff stuff in his hair?

He's got a little satchel.

That's adorable.

But it's like way smaller than it should be for a big guy like that.

It's just like a little, just a little, a little, uh, little fanny pack that he holds over his shoulder.

He puts his stuff in it.

He has all the pins from all the conventions he's been to.

I love that.

In addition, there are two exits that you can see.

The one to the south that you all just came out of, the one to the east that you came out of previously, and you know there is one to the north covered by rubble.

And A-Team told you that it was due to the earthquake.

A team is also here in the room.

Three of them are, seem to be ill, suffering ill effects from the gas that they told you about before.

And there's also a large chasm in the middle of this room that Tolf had previously saved someone from falling into.

You had said the chasm was also not super deep, if I recall correctly.

Yeah, I said that it seemed to be fairly shallow.

I don't know if anyone went and necessarily like looked into it or tried to assess it, but it seemed since it was fairly fresh, I think you all assumed that that it was pretty shallow.

And they, like, the they were all like kind of shaky when we found them, right?

Like,

correct.

Was it from the gas, or was it because they ran into someone?

Gus has said the gas, yeah, they said it was because of the gas in the previous room that was spewing out of the geyser.

Cool, Tove, I'll tell you what, yeah, that's one, two, these rocks, and I'm gonna eldrich blast them to soften them up, and then you do what you do, base.

Ooh, teamwork.

Yeah, I'm done for that.

I think I would clear the area and probably move or assist a team in moving away from the blast radius.

I'm assuming what this Eldridge Blast will create.

Natty's going to Eldridge Blast to try to soften up the rocks and then let Tolv take over with his hammer.

Does Tolv want to double-hand it?

Sure, I'll put away my shield.

Two one-hand?

It's weird to me that it's 1d8 for one hand and 1d10 for two-hand.

It's like not that much better.

It should be like 1d8 for one hand or 2d6 for two-hand or something like that, where you have like more assured damage on the low end and it like the mean is going to be a little bit higher.

That makes sense.

It's weird to me.

You can change that if you're

God.

That might be different in 2024.

I haven't looked at the new rule set yet, but maybe we'll look at that at some point.

We're still playing 5th edition.

Okay, so where do you want to move them, Toll, in this circular room to get people out of the way?

Closer to the south near the exit or entrance to the other circular room, perhaps.

Sure.

If it's 25 feet away, then minimum 20 feet away from the boulders.

So Private Draino Candranos is still okay and can help you drag some people to the south because she's the medic for a team anyway.

So, she was helping to stabilize them and get them in a good place.

So, once you explain the plan to her, she begrudgingly agrees and begins helping you move people to the south part of the room.

Told, why begrudging?

We're trying to help you, dude.

I can help you.

I'm not feeling strong, but I'd be happy to help.

Ah, sure.

Doug pitches in as well.

Doug and Toll, both of you make perception checks for me while you're doing this.

Mysterious things are happening.

I rolled a seven.

Rolled a nine.

I'm gonna use my inspo.

I think it's worth it.

And I have faith that I'll get another back.

And I wish I had done what I wanted to do before you did that.

16.

Okay, as you all are moving a team to the south,

Tolv, you know, you get a quick glance down the chasm.

It looks to be about 20 feet deep, and you think you see some columns down there at the bottom.

Columns?

Like, as in, like,

they were broken and they're like laying there, or they're like standing up?

Like, standing upright.

Like, there may be a.

My god, he said a newspaper.

Um, like, uh, support columns that are still standing vertically.

Are these columns by any chance white?

It's very dark down there, and it's hard to see.

I don't know if 12 would be.

Natty cast dancing lights.

First of all, 12, I presume you tell your party what you see down there.

I keep it a secret.

No, no.

While I'm moving the dance, I'll be like, hey, Natty, if the boulder thing doesn't work, there's also some prospects down below.

I see columns, like in a newspaper.

Stop.

I was going to cast this anyways to help with any sort of like checks in here, but I'm glad that we have an extra reason to.

So I am casting dancing lights.

I create four torch-sized lights within range, and they cast a dim light that can shed light in a 10-foot radius.

Gunther, do you want to dance dance with them?

Uh, not by himself.

They're dancing lights.

You know what's funny?

In the description of it, you can also combine the four lights into one glowing, vaguely humanoid form of medium size.

Wow.

So I'm going to make a little dancer that's dancing around, well, dancing next to Gunther and see if it inspires a little bit of some booging.

Oh, shimmy, shimmy, y'all.

You can dance if you want to.

You can leave your friends behind.

How many times can we make that joke?

I put the lights.

Sorry, Barb, did you want to throw another bad joke in there?

I was just going to say that.

Yeah, I would love to contribute to this podcast as well.

Yeah, Doug dances because he doesn't want to be left behind.

Hey!

That's good.

It's good.

The mental image of Doug dancing brings me joy.

He just shimmies his belly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That butt's got a lot of shake to it.

Yeah.

Dancing lights to shed some light in the whole room, especially the chasm.

Sure.

Once the lights begin illuminating, you can see that at the bottom of the crevice there's a dark chamber with crumbling columns and walls seem to be sparkling with mosaics of some kind.

Chasm opened up view into a room below?

Correct.

Okay.

Can we see what color the columns are?

What's the range on dancing lights?

Well, the fun thing is that I can move them.

Oh, that's cool.

So I move them to the columns.

Yeah, but up to how far?

What's the range?

120 feet.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, plenty of space.

Once the lights start moving closer to the columns, you can see that the walls are sparkling with mosaics.

And in the center of the room, there's a plinth with something on it.

What's up?

A plinth.

A plinth.

It's like

a stand, a dais, kind of.

Like something you would put an object on.

Okay.

Never heard that word in my life.

Well, we're an educational podcast.

Yeah.

Plinth.

I learned plinth, I learned piton.

Yeah.

Micah says it's a heavy base supporting a statue or vase.

As the lights move around the room, you can see that the mosaics depict scenes of a story of some kind, but some of the walls seem to be marred and certain scenes are lost.

Oh.

Baby Dunks, why are you so curious about the white columns?

I'm not recalling what you're referencing.

What's up?

What is that?

Well, I don't want to spoil anything from previous campaigns, but I do remember there being things that we thought were giant columns that ended up being something else.

So I was like just wondering if there was any type of similarity.

Well, I feel like if people are listening to this campaign, we're allowed to talk about previous campaigns.

Uh, I don't know.

Just in case.

I'll hold it.

Just in case.

Couldn't hurt.

I'll bite my tongue.

It sounds to me like we should probably try to make our way down here to investigate this place.

I know Doug would be very curious to look at these

apes.

I'm down too.

And tactically speaking, I think it makes sense to go stealthy instead of blowing a big old hole and moving a bunch of boulders.

20 feet down?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then are the pillars somewhere?

Like, are they higher up?

So it's like you can jump onto a pillar and then jump down.

I imagine they're floor to ceiling.

Yeah, they're floor to ceiling, like they were supporting the ceiling.

I would say the ones directly under the crevice have broken because of the earthquake, but they are still higher than the 20 feet.

Like they're still higher than the floor.

So if you wanted to, you could try to jump down on like a one that's partially broken and then work your way down from there.

You know, being a former sailor and working with the, you know, sails and such, I have a lot of rope.

So I can just, you know, toss the rope down and have you guys climb.

That way, no one's jumping.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

Then I'm going to find...

I mentioned there's like a lot of bars and like it sounds like equipment and machinery and stuff like that in this room.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll tether the rope to one end of that and then I'll toss the rest of it down.

Let me do something here real fast.

For seeing myself.

Nothing.

I'm not.

You don't need to worry about it.

No, no, no.

Let me see.

Let me see.

No, no, don't look.

This one's just for me.

Okay, okay.

Let Duss have his game.

Yeah, you tie off a very sturdy knot using your vast sailing knowledge around the anvil and toss a rope down into the crypts below.

Who's gonna go down first?

I would love to investigate if that's okay with you guys.

Let Doug go.

All right.

How does it work?

If Doug is like over seven feet tall, it's not a huge amount of space for him to like kind of lower himself down and let go, right?

You could also do what Gunther was getting at, which is like...

lower yourself onto a column and then get down that way.

Yeah, since Doug is seven feet tall, it's not crazy.

Okay, I will try to do that.

Only problem is I'm heavy, so I don't want to break anything.

Yeah, you uh lower yourself gingerly down onto a column and then hop down to the floor below.

Okay, let's see, let's see.

What do I see in here?

You look around, and I assume Naddy, you know, has moved the lights in, like she said earlier.

And you see the mosaics on the wall, and now that you're down here, you get a better view of them.

The first one you look at shows shooting stars falling from the heavens.

Stars falling from the heavens.

The second mosaic you turn and look at shows translucent beings reaching up to the heavens.

Translucent?

Yeah.

What kind of beings?

Like humanoid, amorphous?

The beings seem to be somewhat amorphous.

Okay.

Amorphous.

The next one you look at just seems to be destroyed.

It's like burned and marred and it's too destroyed to be able to really tell what was there before.

Like are there any pieces left?

Enough like do I see a humanoid or stars or like any familiar imagery from the first two that I'd be able to connect with?

It's just totally lost.

It's just totally destroyed.

Is there a beautiful blonde European prince, and there's like scratch marks that have like marked him out, so we can't see who he is.

Could Doug see if there's any like pieces of the mosaic kind of scattered on the floor anywhere that might have like

puzzles?

Listen, this is Doug's time to shine.

Oh, yeah, Doug.

Doug is a puzzle guy.

That is 100% what that bugbear does.

Make me an investigation check, Doug.

I just want to say, this is fun.

I'm glad that this is our job.

I like playing DVD.

This is is what thank you guys uh 14 on investigation

that's why we send doug we've got our top min

top men also i just want to point out doug did put on his glasses for this moment oh are they just like the kind like the two little lenses that sit on your nose or do they have like the legs that go back over the ears they had the legs but they're they're attached like from a little string around his neck so he could kind of just like pop them on and off oh like reading glasses yeah because if he puts them on top of his head he loses it in his hair and it gets tangled and he doesn't like

i know i'm old.

One, because I still watch TV.

Two, because the programs I watch, I started seeing commercials for like those reading glasses that have the magnetic nose that you like put them around.

You can like detach them, then put them up on your, on your, on your bridge or your nose, and then detach them in the middle and then put them around your neck.

Anyway,

three, because you call TV shows TV programs.

Oh, man.

I may be a little old.

Sorry, I went down a rabbit hole there.

We never do that on this show, Tales from Stinky Dragons.

The mind begins to wander.

You collect a few pieces and it doesn't make much sense, but you are able to gather a little bit of information.

And it seems like the amorphous beings are gathering things based on what little bit you can see.

So this is piece is definitely from the destroyed one, right?

Correct.

And they're gathering things?

Yeah, it's you can't tell what.

It's too destroyed to even figure that out.

Can you elaborate on what you mean by gathering?

That's such a vague action.

Like reaching down and pick up?

Yeah, like corralling with their bodies.

Okay.

Presumably picking up those falling stars.

Or the mosaic pieces that exploded off of this.

It's repeating itself.

They're trying to fix it.

I was just going to see if Doug is able to like piece them back onto the mosaic at all.

I would say that in order to get this information that you had, you pieced them together on the floor.

Now you want to try to transfer it onto the wall?

I guess I probably don't need to.

Does anybody have mending?

Nope.

I don't think I do.

No.

I have cure wounds.

I could cure the wounds of this whole thing.

Gigi, check your inventory.

Gigi, spells.

Spell slots.

Gigi.

Gigi starts

checking pockets that don't exist.

And he's just like...

He's just like his arms up.

He's like, I don't know.

Hello?

Hello?

The next mosaic that you see depicts a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.

Okay.

Both raw.

And this is like a classic butterfly and classic cocoon.

Like it's not some weird D ⁇ D version of butterfly.

No, seems very, very straightforward.

Okay.

The final mosaic is also destroyed.

Okay.

Could I look around there to see if there's any pieces around?

Yeah, make me an investigation check in that area.

Doug on to case, nat 20 for a 24.

Heck yeah.

Y'all picked the right person to send down here.

Yeah.

You investigate, maybe because you know what you're looking for now.

This is a this one goes a lot faster.

You're able to find pieces.

And you see those same amorphous amorphous beings from before begin to almost reshape and reform themselves and begin looking more humanoid.

Oh, is it like

the evolution diagram of like amorphous, sort of humanoid, more humanoid, really humanoid?

It's not quite that explicit, not quite that drawn out, but I guess.

Interesting.

In addition, since you're investigating, since you rolled so well, Doug, I'll give you this one.

As you're looking around, you notice that there appears to be a metallic shoe half embedded in the northern wall of this room.

A metallic shoe?

Yeah.

Hey guys, I think someone might have tried to kick the wall down and maybe the shoe got stuck.

I'm gonna take a look.

Is it a clog?

Could I go over and look at it?

A clog.

Yeah, that's really good.

You go over and, I mean, yeah, it appears to be like the toe portion of a shoe kind of half sticking out from the wall.

So it's coming out of the wall, not like it's someone kicked the wall and got their shoe stuck.

Correct.

The toe portion is out facing towards us.

It's peeking out of the wall.

Yeah, it's like you can only see half of it, like the front half of a shoe.

Someone might be stuck in that wall.

Should we come down?

Yeah, you guys want...

It feels pretty safe down here, and I could show you guys what I found out.

Also, there's a...

Maybe a person stuck in here.

I don't know.

Something metal.

Gunther, you want to hit your ride?

On the toe of the train?

Woot, woot.

Okay.

I put Gunther on my back and then deftly descends the rope.

Deftly?

Okay, make a dexterity check.

With pleasure.

It's what you always say, John.

He has too many qualifiers, and they're like, oh, now you gotta roll for it.

Yeah, you said definitely.

11.

Wait, wait, wait, can Gunther hold on with one hand and have a blade out, his sword out?

Like, it's like, don't stab me, please, go.

But like, like, facing the opposite direction, you know, like, yeah, you make me a dexterity check too, then.

Okay.

Listen, Gus, we're trying to make the thumbnail image, okay?

We want to be cool.

All right.

Giggy's doing hard work with their thumbnails, and Tot and Gunther want some of the limelight.

19.

Okay, if you rolled low, I was going to have you stab Toll, but you did okay.

Yeah, you go down in a very memorable, thumbnailable

pose riding on Toll's back down the rope into the

cavern ball.

So

they have safely descended?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I got a question for you guys, and so this is a chance for you to set precedent for the rest of the campaign.

Oh, no, I hate doing that.

This is a lot of pressure on you.

No, no, no.

I'm not trying to break anything, but

I don't want to do something that you say can't be done.

But I think this would be a fun way for Natty to descend.

Gigi has shapeshifting.

Gigi can turn into a bat and retain his stats of when he is in giggy form.

If Gigi were to turn into a bat and Natty were to hold on to his leash, a la Mary Poppins falling from the sky,

what's the descent rate you'll let me go where I know Gigi could not carry Natty, but could slow the velocity of Natty to a certain amount.

Would you at least acquiesce that it's a safe speed?

What's the unladen velocity of a European swallow?

Bat.

European bat.

It's not a giant bat, just a regular bat?

Just a bat.

But it's flapping its wings very, very hard.

Yeah, he's trying.

This is how I tire him out, too.

Okay, let's play it like this.

Ben has a good suggestion.

Okay.

This would be, I think, akin to like a vest of slow descent.

Okay, that's what I was imagining.

But

the rub is, I think you need to roll to see if Gigi obeys.

Oh, okay.

Fair enough.

All right.

I was actually going to ask while you're doing those rolls, do you have like a timer for Gigi Chaos?

Because it happens randomly and I never can see it coming.

Or is it just when John feels a little chaotic?

I think it's going to be, it's going to be two instances.

One, what Gus just procc'd, which is, I want to do something with Gigi, but I need to see if he'll do it for me.

Okay.

The other is, it's just John thinking of chaotic things when they happen, but I don't get to just do them.

I still see if Gigi will do them.

okay okay okay so like when we pulled out that shard the thought just popped in my head is like like a toddler would go to eat something and so that's why i did that but i didn't want to just do it i still let him be a creature of chaos decided by the dice very caesar at the coliseum let's throw in a lion yeah before you roll i just want to quick clarify since this is our first time doing this how would this work does he transform into a bat you hold onto him and jump and then we roll or do you roll to see if he even turns into the bat in the first place i was rolling to see if he turned into the bat because at the very least, Natty can steer Gigi a little bit, especially when maybe in bat form, towards where she wants to go, and then she can kind of just jump.

Okay.

That's what I'm thinking.

So, but I got to see if he can turn into a bat first.

Yeah.

You love bats in this campaign.

He turns into a bat.

Store.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

We'll go for it.

Congrats.

I turned to Giggy and I go, okay, sweetie.

Do what we practice.

I need you to turn to that little flying thing you can do.

And Gigi turns to his mom and just goes, oh,

but but oh

oh very good

his first words

and he turns into a bat but he like i know this is probably not like canonically what happens in like dnd but i feel like giggy when he turns into his animals still looks a little bit like giggy he's like a weird looking little bat like it doesn't look like a regular one i like to think it's a bat with giggy's head Yeah, like a small giggy head.

Yeah.

A fat belly.

And I just like someone who's holding like a drone on a rope, pull him over to the chasm and drop down.

Ooh.

Chris, you've got competition for the thumbnail.

Giggy in every thumbnail.

That's what I vote.

Yeah.

All right.

You descend slowly down to the ground with the help of your son, Natty.

Yeah.

And Natty's just going

on

her harp as she goes down.

Love it.

Yeah.

Quick question for my note-taking because

I take notes now.

What's the shape and the size of this room that we're now in?

Because I'm going to use paper to actually indicate layers.

Oh, look at that.

Thank you.

I forgot to mention that.

Thank you so much.

That's a good student.

This room appears.

You're kind of shaping that.

I was waiting for you to say that.

This room is star-shaped.

What?

Oh.

Yeah, and if you were to expand it into like a square, it would be like 20 feet by 20 feet.

So the mosaics were in the points.

Correct.

Five points.

Five mosaics.

Okay, I get five points.

Thank you.

Stop.

How are they in the points?

If this is like a star, then they'd be like at a weird acute angle.

It's like a star, but it's like a little blocked off.

Instead of a point at the tip,

it's a little more flat.

Yeah.

And that's where the mosaics are.

Okay.

I'm trying to visualize this in my head, and for some reason, I'm not able to.

I gotta imagine, dude.

Yeah, like a five-pointed star, but instead of like having really sharp points at the tips, it's more dull and blunted.

Like curved.

Like what Blaine is showing you there.

It's like a flower.

It looks kind of like a flower.

Okay.

that makes sense.

Like a wildflower.

Oh, God, I cannot draw that.

And there's columns in those points supporting the ceiling as well.

Gotcha.

Is there anything else in the room?

Yeah, in addition, you know, there's the mosaics, there's the plinth in the center of the room, and there's a metallic shoe sticking out of the northern wall.

Is there anything on the plinth?

Yeah, you walk up to it, and you see that sitting on top of the plinth, seemingly displayed on it, is a spyglass.

Oh.

What's a spyglass?

Like a telescope?

Okay.

Tov knows.

Imagine like a sailor or a pirate pulling out like a device to look on the horizon.

Yeah, exactly.

Like you let it out.

Yeah.

Gotcha.

Can I...

Maybe Tov should pick this up.

Oh, okay.

I was going to check for traps.

That also might be a better idea.

Sometimes Dove doesn't think.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was queer.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Yeah.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time.

In the car,

gym,

even sleeping.

So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live.

She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them.

Sort of.

You were made to scream from the front row.

We were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia, made to travel.

Savings vary and subject to availability, flight inclusive packages are at all protected.

If you thought goldenly breaded McDonald's chicken couldn't get more golden, think golder because new sweet and smoky special edition gold sauce is here.

Made for your chicken favorites at Participate in McDonald's for limited time.

I'll check for traps as well.

Just kind of looking around.

Sure.

Let's see who checks for traps better.

Make an investigation check.

16.

8.

You both make a circle around the plinth looking for traps and you don't find anything.

Then I will pick up the spy glass.

I've experience with these.

Being the first mate of ironclad.

You do have experience with spyglasses, but you've never seen one like this.

To your sailor's eye, this seems impractical.

Guys, I have experience with this, but not like these.

To my sailor's eye.

What was the rest?

The barrel and the lens are crafted entirely of crystal.

The barrel and the lens are entirely crystal.

So they're like a faceted crystal instead of a smooth lens?

Right, but it's more like the barrel you would normally on a spyglass expect to be metal of some kind.

And this is crystal.

And the lens itself isn't necessarily a faceted crystal, but it's just like a crystal lens.

It's not like mundane glass.

So like a kaleidoscope then?

Can I look inside?

Do it.

Hold it up to the left.

Roll me a D20.

Yeah.

Oh, good God.

What have I done?

Do the thing.

Do the thing.

Oh,

cursed object.

object, here we go.

Wee!

Nine.

What do you want to look at?

Giggy.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Giggy erupts and flash.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

No, yeah, you are.

No, no, my, my gosh, John.

You turn and fix the spyglass on Giggy, and when you look through it, it looks like he's right in front of you, mouth agape and drooling, about to swallow you whole.

Is he actually?

Can I lower it down to see if he actually is right in front of you?

You lower it, and he's charging at you, mouth open,

the drooling.

Then he put you up full taut on the leash and falls on his butt.

Maybe you should look at the mosaic.

Oh, yeah.

One other detail real fast before you look at the mosaic, which I think is a great idea.

Sure.

You see that there's an inscription written on the barrel of the spyglass.

He says, Whatever you do, don't look through the spyglass.

Point at enemy.

Anyone who looks through the spyglass will die in seven days.

The inscription is written in celestial.

Oh, oh, I speak that.

I also speak Celestial.

Oh, wow.

Doug, take a look, Seed.

This looks like something that may interest you.

Could I read it?

Yeah, sorry.

I should have looked at your character sheets.

I didn't expect any of you to actually be able to read Celestial.

Text it to her.

Text it to her.

Okay.

We hear Doug's voice.

Then we'll also have to translate it from Doug's accent.

Hey.

Okay.

You guys ready for it?

We're ready.

I don't know if I'm going to pronounce this white, but this spyglass says Zodia.

Zodia.

Z-O-D-I-A?

Yes.

Do any of us know that term?

Or Zodia.

I don't know.

I'm guessing it's Zodia, kind of like maybe Zodiacs.

Yeah, I'm a Taurus.

You Tov?

Yeah.

And Torrent.

All of you have heard of a bygone civilization that used to exist in this world and was a civilization of Zodia.

Hmm.

So old, old civilization, historical.

Yeah.

So maybe the mosaics are depicting that civilization, I would guess.

Hey, Tov, point that there spyglass to them pictures on the wall.

Doug's got it in their hands.

He can take a walk.

Oh, Doug has now.

Go nuts.

Yeah, I think that's smart, too.

He's got good eyes.

He's got those beautiful, what are they called?

Fearballs?

No.

What?

Bugbear.

Bugbear.

Bugbear eyes.

Oh, I well, I mean, I don't want to steal your thunder, Tov.

Is that okay?

I look through.

I have ample amounts of thunder to spare.

It's okay.

Look at them thighs.

Okay, I'll take a look.

Doug points it at just any of the mosaics.

Pick one.

I'll do the first one.

Sure.

Oh.

Okay.

Yeah, I just like rolled something, but I didn't click anything.

It's so weird.

But I rolled an investigation check just now.

Your D and D beyond is haunted.

Magic.

I think maybe my notepad touched my space bar, so maybe it did go.

Roll me a D20.

Well, you just did.

14.

I'll use that.

There you go.

As you, you know, are looking through the

spyglass and turning it to the mosaic, you see that the walls in this room sparkle like stars.

Ooh.

Does anything show up that I hadn't seen before?

Specifically on like one of the broken mosaic walls?

Yeah, you take a look at these broken mosaic pieces and there's no additional information, just additional sparkling that you did not notice before.

Oh guys, this is really cool.

I'm looking through the spyglass and all the walls are kind of sparkling like stars.

Did anyone else want to take a look?

Sparkling like stars?

Yeah, look through.

And Doug holds the spyglass up to troll.

I'll take a look.

Yeah, you grab the spyglass and begin panning around the room looking.

And yeah, sure enough, what Doug said is right.

You see that there are what appear to be like stars on the walls that you don't see normally with your naked eye.

I'll look up through the light coming from the crevice up above us.

Yeah, you look up and you see the ceiling of the room above, but there do not appear to be any stars or anything unseen on that.

surface.

While I'm looking through, just for the heck of it, I say, Zodia!

Uh, yeah, you're looking through the spyglass and you say, Zodia.

Very good, Tolf.

That is what the spyglass says.

Yes, good memory.

I thought it was like password protected or something.

I don't know.

I'm just trying.

Are there things in the stone that we can take from the wall?

Wait.

Oh, the shoe.

Yeah, the shoe.

But also, if we were to look closely, are the stars in any formations that we can connect?

Make a...

Make a wisdom check.

Should we do it if we're holding it up?

Or is Nanny doing that?

Is she looking through?

No, you can too if you want.

I will ask our wise bugbear to do it.

15.

Uh, you see the stars are gathered in some kind of constellation that appears to depict an arrow that's pointing up to the clouds and the moon.

Like each of the mosaics has a constellation?

The stars are everywhere on the walls, not just on the mosaics necessarily.

Right.

And altogether, it seems like there is a constellation that's depicting an arrow pointing up to the clouds and the moon.

Oh, like the stars are forming also a moon and clouds?

Or where is this moon and clouds at?

Yeah, that's correct.

They are also forming the clouds and the moon.

Okay, thank you.

Good question.

Sorry, it's like when your brain's working one way, you don't think of other possibilities.

Yeah, for sure.

So, thank you for clarifying.

And are the stars on the walls, like, physical?

Like, if we were to go up to the walls, or is there something that is like in the walls that's making them sparkle?

Make an investigation check.

Stick a hammer to this thing, you know.

Five.

So.

Yeah, that's a sturdy wall

good wall could hold lots of flies in this room well i think first of all we should probably take this spyglass with us yeah why don't you keep it okay i'm gonna pocket this in the museum okay uh is there uh any special inventory item i should add just put spyglass then in parentheses zodia okay go look at the boot the foot it's like a gold boot we should investigate the foot the metallic clog it's always feet with addie i lack feet

You go up to the northern wall and there's a metal shoe half sticking out.

The toes pointed out into the room.

Does it look like it was built into the wall or does it look like it was kicked through a wall?

Like the surrounding rock?

I don't know if we'll be able to tell.

Is it like a crack through or is it like very

uniform to it?

Yeah.

I would say it does not appear like it was intentionally built into the wall, if that answers your question.

Yeah.

Can toll knock on the wall.

That was going to do the same thing.

Go for it, toll.

Yeah.

Dude, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Yo, yo, show me.

Help me, help me, help.

Okay.

You hear no reply.

Giggy is also mimicking Tollv and has his ear to the wall.

Very good, Giggy.

And then he licks the wall.

Can I try to take the shoe off?

You try to take the shoe off.

It's just a toe.

Just the toe.

A toe of a shoe sticking through.

Like the toe box of a shoe, like the very front of a shoe sticking out.

The back half is in the wall, I should say.

My guess is there's probably some type of statue or some type of metal person.

If only we had a big old strong sailor with a hammer.

But unfortunately, ours has a sword.

If only.

If only.

I mean, if the crew's cool with it, I mean, I'll take a whack at this wall, you know?

Is there anybody, any opposition to me just slamming down this wall and seeing what's behind door number one?

Do it.

Let's open up this room.

Really get an open concept here.

Maybe just do it gently, like kind of like, you know, like tinkling around this potential body.

Yeah, yeah.

Like go chiseling it out.

Yeah.

I think Told, you need to give your catchphrase.

It's hammered time.

You hoots me told.

Oh, yeah.

That's what I say.

It's very like Kool-Aid Man.

You hoots me, Told.

Bam.

Through the wall.

I was thinking, stop hammer time.

Okay.

With what Doug said in mind, I'll hit kind of around it so that I'm not like, in theory, if I'm aiming for like the chest of whatever this person would be based on where the foot location is, I wouldn't be aiming at them.

I would be aiming at the spots around them.

Does that make sense?

Sure.

Like I want to carve out the space around so that I'm not disturbing what could be behind it.

And using that logic, I would assume you would start below the foot, like under the sole.

I was going to go on the sides.

Okay.

Unless you're telling me that that's the same thing.

No, no, no.

It's totally your call.

I was just trying to imagine how it would look.

Yeah.

I mean, what do I do?

Do you want to start rolling Warhammer strikes?

Yeah, roll me an attack roll.

That's a 16.

Yeah, then roll me some damage with it.

It's two-handed, so it'll be

five.

You hit the wall very sturdily, and the whole wall kind of shakes, and you begin knocking out chunks of the wall that fall out fairly easily to the side.

Okay.

I'm just going to keep going.

Do you want me to keep rolling?

No, we'll say you keep hitting at it, and eventually you get to a point where you realize it's not just a shoe that's embedded in the wall.

There's more to it.

There's a person.

Do you want to tug at it and try to pull it out?

How much am I seeing?

What are we seeing?

You're seeing at this point it goes back towards the the heel and then up like towards an ankle it's still all metallic but you see like what would be an ankle and maybe like the lower part of a shin just pull it out well it might be attached to something i'm gonna keep i'm gonna keep going but i'm gonna go upwards to see like if we can see like

rest of leg torso arms yeah we don't want to break a leg here

yeah you keep working your way up and eventually you unearth the entire object and it appears to be an entire metallic leg.

Just the leg?

Just the leg?

Just a leg.

You gotta be pulling mine.

That's it?

That's it.

That's pretty amazing.

That's pretty incredible.

What's the metal?

Does it look like it's something like made out of metal or that it was an actual like being that was turned to metal?

Like, I don't know if we'd be able to tell, but like something coated in metal versus actually made.

Both of you make wisdom checks.

Doug uses it with advantage.

18.

17.

It appears to to be a metallic leg that's been forged, if that answers your question.

And it appears to be from an unknown metal.

You've never seen anything like this, either, of you.

Even me?

Mm-mm.

Because I've seen a lot of metals.

Does it just have a little boy's name written on the bottom of the foot?

Andy.

No, no name on the bottom.

Does Tolv recognize this metal?

What did I have them roll?

A wisdom check?

Wisdom.

Yeah, you roll one too.

Can I look?

That's smart.

You have smithing tools.

Aren't you also a smith of some kind, Gunther?

Yeah.

Well, I guess I don't have smithing tools after all, because

you have a background in smithing, so you would get advantage.

Proficient, I guess.

I only roll a six.

Unless I have advantage.

14.

Go and roll with advantage toll.

Okay.

Oh, that's better.

That's a two.

Do you have any inspiration, Dyke?

Super advantage.

I don't know.

Do I?

Any friends?

Any friends?

Yeah, I'll give him mine.

Roll again.

Ooh, that's an 11.

What is your deal, dude?

What?

He's not a wise.

His modifier's gotta be negative.

It's zero.

Okay, it's zero.

Gunther, you've never seen a metal like this before.

You have no experience with this.

Toll, you've seen a metal like this in the past, but the name eludes you.

You're not sure.

You don't remember what it was called.

It's not a common metal at all.

It's very rare.

I see.

Well, in my years of travel, this does look familiar.

Hmm.

Should we pull it out?

Might as well.

Yeah.

Gonna give it a good tug.

Not a dug.

A tug.

I'll dug it.

What was Doug's catchphrase?

Was it, I can figure it out?

I can figure it out, Gush.

Inspiration die for Gus.

Thank you, Doug.

Yeah, you all managed to pull it out and hold on to it.

And yeah, it's an entire metallic leg.

Wow.

How big?

Does it look like it was cut off or made this way?

Like medium humanoid size, and it looks like it was forged.

Does that answer your question?

Yeah.

Question for you, Tolf.

Yeah.

So, I know a little bit about your background.

And, like, typically, stereotypically, people have like, you know, a little peg leg.

Does anybody have like metal legs from where you're from?

I've encountered them.

Yeah.

Yeah, I believe so.

Interesting.

Does it have a hinge to the knee?

Is it like a prosthetic?

So, like, is it a statue or

not?

Is what you're getting at.

Or like a usable leg.

Yeah.

I would say it's not a statue.

Like, it's not ornamental.

You think that, I mean, there is some functionality to it.

Like, it could move, yeah.

It has joints that move.

Yeah.

Articulate.

Articulate.

Weird.

Good word.

So strange.

Weird for me.

Why is this here?

Is there anything else?

What's going on down there?

Shut up.

We're doing investigating.

Who said that?

Is that Lasic?

Is that you?

It's Kandranos.

It sounds like somebody wanting to move the plot along to me.

Where are we gonna go?

Oh, should we go through the...

Should we try to break through the

wall?

The one that's upstairs?

Yeah, let's go back up and break through that wall.

Be scary up the rope.

Yeah, you all climb back up the rope and emerge emerge back in the room above where a team is and Kangernos is just glowering at you all.

Hello.

What?

We found things.

Did you find the magistrate?

Maybe.

Did you?

Does it look like we've got the magistrate on us?

Oh, all right.

Okay.

Who spit in your grits?

I understand though, the, you know, concern.

You know, the magistrate is pretty bad.

And also, the teammates are kind of shaken, so they might be a little bit on edge.

Yeah.

See, that guy gets it.

Doc, you understand did you at least move the sick and wounded to the other side of the room so we could blast through this boulders yeah the a team is now at the southern end of the room away from the uh the boulders you did something wow great good for you

natty casts eldritch blasts and blasts at the boulders yeah

yeah after you know a good amount of elbow grease and hard work you're able to remove enough of the rocks that you're able to see a passageway to the north.

Alright.

We go forward.

Yeah, Gunther, you bravely lead the way in.

And when you go through the passageway to the north, you emerge in a rectangular room that's about 15 feet by 20 feet with only five foot high ceilings.

It's very small.

Gunther's eyes.

Yeah.

And it's a rough-hewn rock cavern with low ceilings, and there's a few pickaxes and shovels that lay on the ground, and footprints leading to the east.

15 by 20.

15 wide when you walk in, and then 20 deep.

And then to the east, there appears to be a dark, narrow tunnel that slopes upwards.

And that's the only way, the only exit out of the room is that tunnel?

Besides the one you came in, yes.

Yeah.

A different exit, I guess.

Yeah.

Anything noteworthy about anything on these pickaxes?

They seem to be pretty mundane, like digging equipment.

Shall we take any of these just in case?

You do you.

I'm good.

Can I take one of the pickaxes?

Yeah.

You never know when you might need to dig, Doug.

There it is.

Doug, dig.

Dig, Doug.

I don't think very many people are going to get that reference that's for the old that's that's for the old like me that is an old video game i used to love that game so just like a standard pickaxe i assume yeah there's pickaxes and shovels if you want to add them to your uh inventory's collecting axes again uh oh she can't help it she has an addiction annexion can we continue up the tunnel sure i'll follow gunther begins uh leading the way the tunnel heads up for a few yards and then forks off to the left and to the right.

And the footprints that you saw in the previous room appear to head to the right.

And do we see anything going to the left, like down the halls?

Can we see lights or anything?

Yeah, they're pretty long.

So it's hard to...

You really can't see.

It's like beyond the range of any kind of dark vision you would have.

But it's a very long tunnel to the left and a very long tunnel to the right.

To the right.

Just follow the footprints.

Yeah.

Continue to the right.

You follow the path and it winds and leads for a long way.

And eventually you get to a point where there's a small ladder that goes straight up.

Straight up, right.

Is it a diagonal ladder?

A proper ladder.

A proper ladder, not stairs.

A proper ladder.

Okay.

Could we continue up?

Yeah, it's only got a few rungs.

It's not very long at all.

You continue up and pop your head up out into the surface above and you see it's inside of a room, inside of a very large room.

A room that you're familiar with.

Oh.

You recognize this room from your training as being the armory in Fort Endridge.

Oh.

Tunnels below.

The enemy has infiltrated us.

Oh, that's a bummer.

That means he's probably gone.

So, how far is that from where we entered?

You know, like, we came down of the hole on the camp.

Yeah.

It's not super far.

To borrow an old phrase, as the crow flies, it's very close.

But it's not like y'all went directly.

You all turned west and south and north and kind of east and doubled back.

It has stone walls and floors with no windows and very high ceilings and a few lit lanterns around the room.

There's metal double doors to the north and workbenches on either side of that door.

Wooden racks line the room holding weapons, armor, and shields.

In this room, on the western side, you also see a rather large cannon, and on the southern portion of the room, you see like an elevated balcony with some chests.

Do we see the footprints go anywhere?

Make an investigation check.

Nine.

No, sorry, seven.

Even more.

Yeah, awesome.

No,

the footprints do not seem to proceed anymore.

It's like a stone floor now.

Before it was dirt, so it was a little easier to see.

You really can't track them anymore at this point.

How many chests did you say there were?

I don't think I said specifically, but there are four.

Thank you for asking, Doug.

Could Doug go over to the chests and see if any of them are open or unlocked?

Yeah, you walk over and they're not at floor level.

They're slightly elevated.

They are like on a bit of a balcony.

You make your way over and take a look at them.

There are four of them and they all appear to be locked.

Do these look like the chests from our bunk by any chance?

Like our foot locker.

No, these are more, these seem more secure.

Your foot lockers are just kind of whatever, right?

These are definitely, they must be holding something of value to be here.

This is armory that we've been in here several times before, right?

Yes.

Never unescored.

This is your first time being in here without an escort, but you have been here before.

Tailwind's all in home in here.

Let's fire the cannon.

Come on.

What are the chances, Nanny, that that key you found also opens any of these chests?

I mean, we could try.

Why not give it a shot?

Maybe it's one of those, like, master keys.

Shoot the cannon, give it a shot, what?

No, no, the, uh, 12.

Giggy crawls into the the opened end of the cannon.

Yes, Giggy.

Uh, uh, Natty tries the key on each of the chests.

Uh, yeah, you walk up and try the key, and it doesn't even fit.

It's not even, like, the same kind of key.

Oh, well, well, it's worth a shot, you know.

Maybe my key will fit.

I want to hit it with the war hammer.

Yeah, make an attack roll.

Okay.

16.

Yeah, your Warhammer comes down perfectly.

Do you care which one?

Like, if you're looking at them left to right, one, two, three, four, which one do you want to hit?

One.

It's like a Mario Party game.

Yeah.

Yeah, you hit the one on the far left.

Go ahead and roll some damage.

It explodes.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, this one's the bad one.

Yeah.

You hear the sound of Bowser going, oh, oh, oh.

Nitroglycerin.

Nine.

You bring your Warhammer down, splintering the wood on the top of the chest, and as you do so, some kind of sticky substance fires out, coating you, Cole.

Um...

A sticky substance shoots out?

Is it sticky?

It's probably like a booby trap, maybe.

Or like some type of defense of whatever's in this chest.

Yeah, as you're standing there, you feel like it's more and more difficult to move and you're becoming adhered to the floor, Cole.

Uh-oh.

Guys, I made a mistake.

Guys.

Oh,

no.

You did precisely what you needed to do.

Out from behind one of the racks steps the magistrate.

Exactly as planned.

Oh, how foolish of you.

You've delivered the scale of scales right into my hand.

Naddy shoots it while he's talking.

Well, okay, make your attack roll.

I like the idea of cutting off the monologue.

Yeah, this is what you don't do in front of like a warlock.

You don't monologue in front of somebody who has guns for hands.

Never monologue.

We'll deal with the lack of monologuing in the next episode, though.

Find out, will Tov even be able to participate in this battle?

Is he stuck for good?

What is the scale of scales and will the magistrate retrieve it?

Find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Scale of scales.

Oil can.

Is he slowly turning into a metal being?

I don't know.

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This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst.

Written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger, with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Yeah, you all continue heading to the right.

Sorry, and I'm now going to load a different thing.

Tip: Do not aggravate the DM.

He will make your roles worse.

Sorry, the loading screen, you know, the loading screen they get through the disco bars?

Expiration die.