C03 - Ep. 02 - Mission Through Middrus - Passing Out

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Previously, our adventurers were booted into the deep end of basic training and called to protect their privates.

After a deadly duel with some deceptive devils and an infernal imposter, the party managed to procure private parts.

Baptized by fire, B-Team became known as Brutalatim.

But can they live up to their name, or will it spell disaster?

Cobble a cup of tea, and let's continue this cicatorous chronicle.

Hello, everyone.

I'm Gustavus Rola, Dungeon Master of our Putrid Party.

I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.

We're doing it.

We're doing it.

Pew pew, pew pew.

That's all for you.

What is one lesson learned during basic training, aka boot camp, and how did it change you?

And of course, you know, we're starting a new campaign here.

Just a refresher for people who may not have heard our previous campaign.

This is a chance for the players to introduce themselves and their character and give us a little bit of insight into them.

I'll start.

Hello, everyone.

I am Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Doug Boone, the Bug Bear Artificer.

Hi, Doug.

Hello, Gustavo.

Nice to see you again, Fund.

Pleasure seeing you.

How have you been?

Oh, you know, pretty good.

Pretty good.

It's been a while.

Yeah.

You know, whole two weeks, I guess, since we've seen each other.

Yeah, I'm glad to see you again.

Me too.

And, you know, Gustavo, thank you for the question.

You know, I've learned a lot, I think, in basic training.

I think the main thing I learned is nothing could be done alone.

You really got to have a good team behind you.

And this definitely has changed Doug because Doug, you know, has spent a lot of his life alone and thought that maybe he could

handle himself for the most part.

But he's really learning a lot about the importance of a team.

That's good.

It's growing.

What about bathroom time?

Well, bathroom time.

You know, Doug typically was someone who wants the bathroom with the door open.

Oh, okay.

Even though no one else was around.

And now, you know, he's still used to having it open, so maybe he'll just quack it a little bit.

It might lead to some awkward encounters in the bunk.

Yeah.

Doug gets lonely.

Doug, you know, Doug is a loner, but he's not shy, surprisingly.

Very comfortable in his body.

Is Doug the kind of guy who reaches a hand under the stall for like some hand-holding through tough times?

No, Doug's hand's a little too big usually to fit under the stall, unfortunately.

Gosh.

Are bugbears covered in hair?

Yeah.

I got to reimagine what bug bears look like.

Well, very hairy.

Very hairy.

I'll go next.

Yeah.

Sorry, I'm still, I'm also, it's been three weeks, so I'm trying to summon the voice.

It's been.

Yes, Ben.

Yo-hoo!

It is me, Tolf.

Oh, God.

I do not know if I sound the same.

You think you sound the same?

Oh, I hope so.

I just haven't talked

so very long.

The big thing I learned from basic training is sleeping in the presence of other strangers.

It's very weird.

You know, I'm normally with my family on our boat and my crew am so familiar and comfortable.

And now I'm with a bunch of strangers.

So I've learned things like snoring and

fidgeting

and trying to sneak to the bathroom.

Who's the worst snorer, Tolf?

Like, who's the one who keeps you up at night with their snoring?

Oh, you know, it's Doug, but also

that Gunther.

Oh,

he does weird little rivets throughout the night.

It's quite cute.

Yes, I have a hard time sleeping.

Can you tell?

It's weird because Natty actually talked to Inho Sleep.

Does Natty as a drow, do they have like a trance or something?

Ooh, that'd be cool.

Oh, that's a good question.

I imagine they do do the same kind of uh sleeping trance.

I don't know.

Yeah, so, anyways, Nadi just kind of stares at me in the night

and I stare back, and we have staring contests so far.

Also, who are you, and what's the character you're playing?

Oh my god, my name is Toll.

I did say it is me, Tolv.

That's my catchphrase.

Who are you?

Your actual name.

I'm in I'm locked in character.

This is it now.

Blaine Gibson playing a yeah, Blaine Gibson playing Toll Male Orc Barbarian 3.

I'm just keeping up the tradition.

Level 2.

You sound like you're auditioning for a part in a TV show.

Blaine reading for male orc, barbarian 3.

Willing to shave.

I do want to confirm that Drow do also

trance similar to elves.

Yeah, they're pretty similar to elves.

Yeah.

That's cool.

Because they are a

lot of elves.

I'm Chris Damaris, and I play Gunther, the male croak folk, which is a custom species of frog humanoids.

What's your class?

Oh, fighter, oh, fighter,

fighter level three.

Um, what I learned in basic boot camp, it was glue, glue, glue, I'd never heard of glue before the concept of glue and glue, it was so fun.

I love glue, you can glue things with it, and and which is a word in and of itself.

And with the glue, you can stick things, but you have to be careful because you can stick yourself.

Mantle also

learned not to eat the glue.

Do not eat the glue.

A very hard lesson he learned.

Difficult lesson, hard day.

Yes.

It looks like it would be good, but it is not.

Glue.

It changed me.

This is

a story from a long time ago, but me and a a friend of ours bernie burns were on a show with good mythical morning called red versus glue where uh we had to unveil these two like basically um what's the thing with like the silver a cloche cloch that's the word oh the cloche

you guys are fooling me that's it's like that it's like that silver

dome that goes over a pattern yeah it's called a cloche and one team looks under and there's pastries and pastries on one side have glue on them and the other one doesn't And you have to try to convince the other team that yours doesn't have glue or does, and like if they want to trade with you or not.

And there were a few times I had to eat pastries with glue on it.

Was it obvious that it was glue or did it look like frosting?

It was supposed to look like frosting, but it's very obvious that it was glue.

Yeah.

Wow.

Sorry, side tangent, but I've eaten glue officially.

Hi, I'm John Reisinger, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow

warlock.

Spooky.

I think I should find that offensive.

Warlocks are like this kind of like the dark arts.

Like, yeah.

It's all about how you use them arts.

Okay.

They am art.

What was the question exactly again?

What is one lesson you learned during basic training, aka boot camp, and how did it change you?

Oh,

well, when I was in, when I was in boot camp, I did meet this one nice dwarven gal.

Her name was like Jennifer or Jonifer.

I couldn't understand her very well, but I do remember that she had a big smile on her face.

She looked happier than a dead pig in the sunshine.

And she told me,

if you're in a pinch, this is very important while we were out, you know, in our bunks or didn't have all of our supplies and materials.

And you use a matchstick, it can be used for eyeliner.

And then pokeweed berries can be used for lipstick, but you got to remember you're going to want to wet the matchstick or you're just going to scratch your eyes out.

This was so helpful because I'd rather have people say that I look overdone when I'm out and about rather than people say, Did you see Nanny?

She looked like she looked like hell.

So this was very helpful for me.

Barbara's learning a lot about makeup tips.

Doug, not so much.

Doug is sitting there going, I could probably make you something way better within that.

That won't accidentally squat your eyes out if you use it.

I'd love it if you came up with some makeup for me.

I just realized something.

Obviously, obviously, the main goal of campaign three is to get John in full Natty Wandere drag by like at some live event.

I want to see him.

I'll see you at a good time.

That'd be so cool.

Did Natty have any preconceived notions about what boot camp was?

And was she disappointed with what boot camp ended up being?

Yeah, was the name throwing her off?

Yeah, I thought it was a place to get some boots.

I still don't know why they call it boot camp because we did so much more than just like learn about boots at the camp.

But I've always gone into everything with a positive outlook.

And if you do that, you usually get a positive outcome.

So I've had a great time in boot camp.

Do you know what they say?

A positive and a positive make a positive, right, Natty?

Yeah, that's science.

Yeah, that's just science.

Well, actually, technically, it's math.

Math is like the basis for science, isn't it?

Like, isn't science just fancy math?

I guess one could say that, but they technically are two different subjects.

Okay, I got you.

I understand.

But they do go hand in hand.

So I see the reference.

I defer to Doug.

Doug seems like he knows what he's talking about.

Yeah.

It's working.

And with that, there's a loud katunk you hear, and then a whoosh, and the sweltering heat and smoke subsides.

The craggy cavern melts away, and all the lava vanishes into thin air.

What's left is a barren warehouse made of iron.

Instead of Undarians, you see four young humans in blue military uniforms dusting themselves off, as well as the stout halfling private parts, who has sweat so much that his uniform is significantly significantly darker blue than everyone else's.

He's hugging us.

The bog gnome drill sergeant steps forward to address you all.

Well, I can honestly say in the 30 years I've been training recruits, I've never seen a team quite like yours.

Not saying that's a good thing.

You have a lot, and I mean a lot of rough spots to iron out, but I might see a minuscule possibility of slight potential in U4.

One of the young humans steps forward with a furrowed brow that quickly changes to a cheerful smile.

His green eyes furtively scan U4.

I don't know, Drill Sergeant Steele Eye.

They seemed all over the place to me.

Rookie moves all the way through, and talk about rusty and or non-existent armaments.

I don't think the Mortalian material.

Did I ask you for your opinion, Private Lasso?

Well, no, but.

I think you mean no, sir.

Or did you recently get promoted to lieutenant?

Private Lasic straightens up at attention.

No, sir.

Then get back in formation with A-team until I say otherwise.

Lassic salutes the sergeant and marches back to the other privates, but his eyes stare daggers at U4.

The other three humans chuckle to themselves and one says, Classic Lasic.

Am I right?

Shut it, mess.

What were we even doing out there?

What are you talking about?

It was brutal out there.

A-Team continues to bicker amongst themselves.

Sergeant Steeley rolls his eyes.

Brutal.

Anyway, as I was saying, I might be able to mold U4 into something actually useful on the battlefield, but first I'm gonna break you down into tiny pocket-sized pieces, and then I'll grind you into a pathetic powder and then I'll smash you to smithereens till there's no semblance of you left.

But

shut up you

if you survive all that, maybe, just maybe, you'll actually be soldiers.

Welcome to Mortalion Boot Cap B team, or should I say, brutality?

I don't understand why a sergeant would want to punish people who are fighting on their behalf.

Yeah.

You guys ever think about this?

It's tough love.

This It's just kink.

Why are they like making a small little powder smashdown parts?

That seems very

waste of energy.

I do not know.

It's like how you recycle things, you know?

Yeah, it's true.

It's also very trendy nowadays, like deconstructed dishes.

You take something like a fancy dish and you like, this is deconstructed pizza.

It's a dollop of ketchup and a slice of pepperoni.

Yeah, but you would think that, like, you know, if you want the strongest team representing your side of the army, they would be like the strongest and not hurt or sore or, you know, they want to be ready for battle and not, you know, in pain.

No pain, no gain, right?

I mean, that's the old saying that Sergeant Steele, I invented all those years ago when we first started

doing boot camp here at Fort Endridge.

So we fast forward a little bit here.

It has now been three months since you all started boot camp at Fort Endridge.

Whoa.

Yeah, it's a little time skip.

How did that go?

So we'll take, that's a long rest.

Yeah,

it's a long rest.

Gunther,

you're no longer dead.

Actually, you were no longer dead at the end of the last episode, anyway.

You all are resting in your barracks.

It's one of several cabin-like barracks with bunk beds.

You have two stacked beds on either side of the room.

Which side of the room do you all want to be on?

For no particular reason, the left.

You know, you just went.

So we'll call that the west side of the room?

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

We'll just say you all are on the west side of the room.

Oh, I didn't realize I was picking for the team.

I thought it was just my bunk.

Team, put it to a vote.

I'm so sorry.

No, it's it's canon font.

Okay.

Someone said the name of the movie.

Oh, that's the name.

Could Gunther sleep under the bed?

Yeah, sure, absolutely.

So you get Gunther calls bottom, bottom bunk.

Also known as the floor.

Just to be clear.

So you all are on the west side of the room in your two bunk beds, and on the east side of the room are another two bunk beds, which, of course, you all know is a team's bunks, having been here for a couple of of months now.

So is a private LASIC LASIC, sorry.

Yeah.

He's on A-Team, like he's a member of A-Team?

Correct.

Okay.

With Mess and parts?

The members of A-Team are A-O-K Okray, Classic Lassic, Draino Candranos, and Mess Mestra.

Candranos?

Yeah, K-A-N-D-R-A-N-O-S.

He's good for clearing out clogged drains.

So I think Doug would obviously take one of the bottom bunks because you don't want him on top.

That's just an accident waiting to happen.

Would it be the bottom bunk on top of Gunther or the other bottom bunk just to make sure you don't have the accident with the bottom bottom bunk?

Yeah, probably on top of Gunther.

Okay,

just three levels.

Same, same, same.

Yeah, it probably works out because Gunther's used to like warm climates and the heat of Doug.

I also feel like if Doug fell on Gunther, it probably wouldn't hurt him.

Like, like i don't i don't i said imagine gunther as being like almost like rubber like

you know i like to burrow

what bunks do uh toll and natty take i have no preference which would you like i take top bunk okay bottom bunk for me I like, it's like a little cave.

It reminds me of being on a ship underneath, you know, the

floor.

So we got Natty on top bunk, Doug on the bottom bunk, and Gunther on bottom, bottom bunk.

And then on the other side, we got Toll on bottom bunk by himself.

Is that the correct layout?

Yeah, I like that, actually.

I thought Naddy was over Tolv.

Okay.

No, this is great.

I like this.

Because not because I'm selfish with the bunk, but I get to watch over my team and make sure they're okay.

Everyone resting well?

Just for clarity, the reason I said it that way is in the arrow, Tolv said he was getting used to sleeping with strangers.

So I think based on this layout, he would kind of go to the side by himself.

Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So this is important.

We should spend a few more minutes on this.

Remember this moment.

I'm throwing himself in the deep end, having used to be alone, and now he's literally surrounded by people.

Yeah.

In this barracks, like I said, is your two stacked beds on one side, the other two stacked beds on the east side with a team, and there's personal trunks with equipment for each soldier that sits at the foot of each bunk bed.

Mounted on the wall over the door is a scorched iron claw hammer.

And there's a small plaque below the claw hammer.

You all are resting.

You can either be asleep or resting in your bunks.

It's up to you.

It's been the end of a long day of training.

Natty would be sitting on her bunk playing her harp.

Ooh, that's the ultimate relaxation.

Playing a little song like that.

Her auto harp.

Sure.

And she uses her nails as the picks for the auto harp.

Nice.

Tov would be, I guess, polishing his war hammer and then humming along to the song, but quietly to himself, not to make it about him.

He just likes the tune in.

I think Doug would be on his stomach with his feet kicked up,

and he has like one of those little headlamps, and he's tinkering on something.

But since we're in like a

fantasy kind of world, it's like one of those candle headlamps.

No, I think at this point, Doug would have invented something that's a little more electric.

I like that.

It's just a trapped fairy.

That's what it is.

Oh.

Sorry, Legend of Zelda.

What's Gunther up to?

Croaking.

Croaking.

You're dead.

Oh, no.

He's making those sounds you were talking about at the beginning of the episode.

Oh, deep sleep.

Not sleep.

Isn't quoking another word for dead?

Yeah.

Gunter, are you okay?

Yes.

Yeah, I just admit you can't see him.

He's just covered in blankets and shrouded in this under the bunk.

Okay, so yeah, you guys are doing this.

A-team is doing their best to try to sleep.

Ignore us.

A couple of them have pillows over their head trying to definitely.

I didn't know what time of day it was, so I'm just playing my auto harp.

Well, then I'm playing like a little lullaby.

How about that?

How about

Naddy's mindful of people's needs?

Yeah, I mean, it's a shared space, and you know, based on your previous three months of interaction, you know, they're not necessarily the most fond of you in the world.

You've had an ongoing small rivalry with a team over the last three months.

Hey, A team,

are you guys asleep?

Hold on.

How about

you get myself kicked?

What?

Gus is immersing himself in the story.

He's grabbing a pillow.

Wow.

I'm going to take that as a no, you ain't asleep.

No.

Why are you guys so mean to us

actually I think that were the ones kind of maybe being mean to a team if I'm being honest daddy

we were playing music and yeah you know quoking and I'm alive this is like psychological warfare yeah I just I can't sleep if there's like problems you know if you sleep on your problems then you just wake up with problems and so we should just hash this out finally so we can all be friends I feel like a and b should be, should be buddies.

I'm not a problem.

Why would you say you sleep on me?

No, no.

I'm not a problem.

No, we know that, Gunther.

Okay, then why do you say you sleep on me?

Oh.

Well, technically.

Gunther, I'm not on top of you, okay?

Yes, you are.

No, technically, Doug is.

Yeah, it's okay.

I'm the problem.

It's me.

It's okay.

Do you think maybe

we could just squash this beef gunther before you say anything?

That's an idiom.

That's an idiom.

You might have to explain what an idiom means to you.

I'm not an idiot.

I knew that was going to be the next response.

At that point, Private Lasic sits up in bed and says,

Listen, it's been a long three months, okay?

Let's just get through tonight and then we'll be done.

Is that your way of saying we can finally be friends?

Yeah, are we cool now?

Is this cool?

Oh, sure.

We're cool.

We'll get you through your graduation tomorrow, and that'll be it.

We'll be cool forever.

Wait, this is it?

There's no more boot camp?

Oh, we are all a bunch of super troopers, you know?

Shining like the sun, smiling, having fun, feeling like a number one.

It's an ABBA song.

They're from my homeland.

Thank you.

Thank you, Blaine.

Thank you.

I need you to explain that kind of stuff.

Blade and I have an agreement.

He explains musical pop references, and I tell him if I'm making a reference to Broadway.

Nadi, you should know ABBA.

This is very much in your wheelhouse.

I never got into ABBA.

I just didn't.

That's wild to me.

We just have to get through tonight.

You are all passing out tomorrow, and hopefully, we'll never have to see you again.

But just in case, can we like, can we exchange information so that if like, you know, if you wanted to send me a letter, I can I can get it and we can have a little like pen pal situation.

Lasic kind of throws his arms to the side and pounds them into the mattress a little bit and then stands up and says,

sure.

And he walks over to your bunk, Natty.

Oh, biscuits.

I'm so happy.

From his pocket, pulls out a piece of paper and a

writing instrument and begins scribbling on it and hands it to you and says,

here,

you can send a raven whenever you want, and you can find me using this information.

Oh, Aces.

And Natty writes on a little piece of paper and then puts a big old kiss on the corner

and hands it to Lasig.

Don't lose this, okay?

Romantic.

Without looking at it, he grabs it, sticks it in his pocket, and turns around to walk back to his bunk.

And as he does so, he stumbles and trips a little bit over your foot locker.

Oh, be careful, Lasig.

Then he continues back over to his bed and lays down.

I turn to Tov and I just give him a big old thumbs up like we did good.

Great job, Natty.

Best friends.

It would be I was going to propose while he was over here if we wanted to do a bunk swap where I go over to their side and then they trade someone over here.

You know, just mix it up.

Mix up the floor plan.

I go to the east side, they go to the west.

We should go to bed.

We should really go to bed.

The sleep crazies are taking over.

Doug has already fallen asleep and is snoring.

I play out the lullaby and then stop for the night.

Go there.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's yeah, yeah.

Sleepy.

I wasn't sure if your video had froze there, Chris.

Like a very still, blank, staring off in the space look on your face.

I was just thinking about, you know, like the lullaby and like it getting, you know, and I like the sounds of like frog croaking.

Have you ever been camping, like hearing frog croaking?

It's kind of like

the rainforest sounds or the

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You all are sound asleep, dreaming your little dreams.

And in the middle of the best parts of your dreams, you're startled awake by the sound of banging metal banging metal yeah you sit up in your bed pulf slams his head on the top bunk because he forgets it's there

you wake up with a start sit up in your bed and see sergeant steel eye banging two pieces of metal in the bunk screaming at you all wake up it's time for a contraband search

Three months since it's waiting, now you're looking for contrabands?

We've been here the whole time.

This is the final check before you pass out mr.

fur mr full dude that's not my that's not my last name

that was gus's attempt at a uh at a mean nickname you kind of like mr fool mr fur mr furry feet sounds like mr full

you're saying my name yes

we're getting we're we're getting some insight into how good gus would have been in school at like being a bully not mr

mr fur i was on the receiving end i know if one of you is a character like me then i can i can come up with a lot of good insults for you.

But none of you are too much like me.

Sergeant Steel Eye makes a B-line for your foot locker, Natty, and says, open her up.

I open it up.

I ain't got nothing to hide.

He begins very quickly pulling things out and looking for any contraband that he can find inside your foot locker and then pulls something out and puts it in front of your face and says, what's this?

And he's holding a

small cone that looks like it could fit over your head.

Like a dunce cone?

Kinda.

I don't know.

What is it?

Daddy, that's an interesting fashion choice that you have dealt with.

That's not my style.

I'll tell you what it is.

It's contraband.

If you say so, what is it?

We're gonna find out.

Wait.

Sir, do you know what it is?

I know what it isn't, and it isn't approved equipment.

Okay.

Well, let's find out what it is.

But the auto harp is

It's the cone of copia.

Whoa.

With that, he turns and walks over to Toll and says, open up your foot locker.

I open it and I present it with like a flourish, like Vanna White.

Blaine is fully.

He can't get out of the voice, so he's saying the meta stuff in Tolv's voice.

Behold my trunk of wonders!

He begins dumping out all of the equipment,

starting to do it, and you can hear him muttering under his breath.

Contraband, I know it's in here somewhere.

Contraband, contraband, contraband, yar!

He pulls out something.

It looks like it's a healing item of some kind, some kind of first aid wrap.

He says, I've been looking for these.

What are you doing with them?

These are my Bognomish leg wraps.

Oh my gosh, I must have put them in my trunk by mistake.

That is so embarrassing.

How many push-ups would you like?

Go ahead, give me a number.

Go ahead and give me 60 for starters.

Okey-dokie.

Start doing push-ups.

We're going to need you to really do it, Blaine, for us while we do the rest of the contraband.

Don't attempt him.

Don't attempt him.

I think I can bring my microphone down to the ground.

You gotta do it.

Why would you say that, John?

Blaine, no.

She's doing push-ups.

I can only...

Keep going.

Don't break your microphone down there.

No, I'm not going to.

Sorry.

I stepped over a toll who's doing push-ups and walks over to Doug.

Watch your step!

And what are you hiding?

For the listener, all we see is the backs of Blaine's ankles and his head popping into frame every like 10 seconds.

47!

48!

Sorry, go, Doug.

What are you hiding, Doug?

Mr.

Fur?

Mr.

Fochie, whatever you want to call me, Show.

You can't say that while I'm drinking something.

This is the stupidest.

It's the stupidest nickname ever.

Oh, it's not stupid.

It's a white nickname.

I love it.

Naddy, careful.

You won't be laughing when we're selling 5,000 Mr.

First shirts in store.com.

So, you know, part of me is suspecting that the A-team might have taken some of your stuff and put them in our dockers.

Because my team here was very innocent, very honest as well.

I mean, Tolvedale actually did all the push-ups that you wanted him to do.

He pushed up so dumb.

Great way of waking up.

And, you know, I feel like it's part of the hazing here in Twaining.

And I don't think they like us very much.

And I think they wanted to get us in trouble.

Is that your story?

Blaming others for your shortcomings?

Oh, I don't think the shortcomings is the proper term for this, actually.

I think it's misdemeanor?

It's merely deduction.

But if you want to go take a look, you know, you'll probably find something just based off what's been going here.

What do you think I'm gonna find?

You tell me.

Okay.

What are you missing?

You missing anything?

He opens up your foot locker, Doug, and once again, he's muttering under his breath.

Oh, contraband, I can smell it.

It's in here somewhere.

I realize I started doing quartermaster from camp camp there for a second.

I need to not do that.

Yeah, I learned you were the voice of Quartermaster.

He opens up your foot locker, and right on top, there's a painting, and he pulls it up and shows it to you and says, what's this?

Some kind of vulgar painting?

Is it a nude of you?

What's the painting of you?

It's an artwork that looks like it's painted in blood depicting the origin of demonic mythos.

Oh, that's very concerning.

This is definitely contraband.

What are you into here, Doug?

Sergeant Steelite, if you just take a look at my hands, you think these are Pano's hands?

Surely they are not.

And it's right on top of my stuff.

I mean, if I was trying to hide something, you think I'd really put that right on top?

Hmm.

Well, see, I got my eye on you.

Which one?

The steel eye or

store.stinkydragonpod.com.

Shut up.

So stupid.

He looks at the other bunk, which is empty, then seemingly he remembers, and then

goes over to the other bunk where he was originally and opens up Gunther's foot locker.

What are you hiding in here?

Gunther's foot locker?

Is it smaller than the other ones?

It's a matchbox.

I think they'd all be standard sized.

I think they don't bother making different versions of the foot locker.

It's like a room.

And that should be his apartment.

Yeah, that's like a studio.

So what are you hiding in your apartment, Gunther?

I have nothing to hide.

So metagame-wise, just so I know, this was like a thing in our preview episode.

You know, Gunther said he didn't have any coins and he wasn't going to be robbed.

Just so I note, is Gunther like a minimalist and he doesn't own very many positions?

Oh, see, Gus, you're trying to trick me into not hoarding.

Locking it into the character.

Chris's red little alert light went off.

I think now more than ever, if you're playing a croak folk, you shouldn't hoard.

No, um, well, I'll say this: he collects certain things, but they're for a purpose.

Yeah, you know, totems from his victims that he murders.

Vulgar paintings.

Yeah.

Bundle is just yours.

No.

But yeah, he opens up the giant chest to him.

You open up the giant chest and a bee flies out.

Sergeant Steele Eye begins swatting at it.

Get that thing away from me.

Can he try and like rivet it?

Like with his tongue?

Sure.

Let me look at your character sheet.

Do you have like any abilities for that?

Tongue lashing.

Your tongue has a 10-foot range.

If you're trying to grab something, you'll need to make a deck scrapple check with it.

You can't handle or move anything more than 10 pounds with your tongue.

Well, this bee's definitely less than 10 pounds.

Yeah, go ahead and um make that grapple check i guess i think we all know what happens what happens when he fails what he's a b 18 i was really hoping he was gonna roll a one yeah i was really hoping stings him and then his tongue inflates uh i guess i'll make the beast check i'm just gonna roll a d20 and we'll figure it out from there man i i want a really muscular bee

All right, so you rolled an 18 on your dexterity check.

That's a 14 plus 4.

I'm going to roll for the B here.

Let's just roll a D20 and see where we end up.

Oh, 17.

Okay, now I got to look up

what a B modifier is in D and D.

I was hoping it would be extreme one way or another, not practically your same role.

If I know anything about bees, and I did watch the first episode of Man vs.

B on Netflix with Rowan Atkinson fighting a bee, they're pretty

dexterous creatures.

I'm going to say it's probably going to get away from you.

First use of your tongue and you miss.

Shout out to the B movie.

Yeah, it's not that it's stronger than you, it's just it manages to quickly dart out of the way and, you know, begins flying out of the bunk that you all are in.

Your tongue flies right by Sergeant Steele Eye, and this seems to enrage him.

You let it get away.

What are you doing?

We're not that friendly, Gunther.

Put that tongue back in your mouth.

Okay.

All right, you four.

You need to get yourselves in shape.

Look your best.

Because today you're passing out.

The four of you getting promoted.

But first, of course, there'll be be a demonstration where you show what you've learned at boot camp in front of some of the top brass of the Mortalian.

Oh, I'm nervous.

I have performance anxiety.

I feel like I'm being dumb for saying this, but are there repercussions for this contraband?

You'll find out.

Okay.

Sean asked, not natty, so I'm going to answer as Gus, not steel eye.

Okay, okay.

So if like you are steel eye and you say the top brass, are we going to be like other metal themed like dudes?

like what is that who are we dude performing in front of you're performing in front of colonel boy of course colonel boy what a silly question yeah boy

how do you spell coil boy

just like it sounds v o i i i

code up the four of you make me uh perception checks okay oh i love being high intelligent and i rolled a nat 20 25.

Wow.

Perception's wisdom.

16.

14.

I have a plus two this campaign.

Yeah, I did high wisdom, high intelligence for

both.

Got a brainiac.

Smarty pants.

Eight.

All of you, except for Natty, notice that on the A side of the room, a team seems to all be giggling to themselves and their blankets are shaking ever so slightly as they're watching and hearing all of this going on.

What did I tell you?

Cute sleepover.

Telling ghost stories.

So you four, get ready.

It's almost time to show what you got.

We just did that.

When you looked into our bunkers.

Yeah, I got this weird blood painting.

Sergeant Steel Eye stares at the four of you with all the contraband minus the B under his arms, turns around sharply and walks directly to the exit and leaves the room.

Enjoy your new painting!

I didn't do it.

I probably did.

I'll just say it.

Should we, I guess, like limbo up or have like a team huddle or something a propeller well i just had 60 push-ups i'm pretty limber that's very true

can you help me stretch out 12 oh yeah yeah i'll just like take the arm and i'll just kind of oh rocky you're gonna get him

doug has very bad posture like his he's a little hunched and so i imagine you're trying to like massage his shoulders and like they're not they're just like rocks these knots in here what have you been doing

uh nothing

that's probably the problem.

All right, so some time passes, and you all find yourselves outside, ready for your passing-out ceremony.

You're in the courtyard here at Fort Endridge.

The fort itself is fairly sizable.

It's not huge, but it's decently sized.

It's built on some grasslands a few miles inland from the coast of the sea.

The fort, it's an aged structure, but it's sturdy.

It's got a rampart built out of stone, and there's a few towers.

Inside the fort, there is a catapult that you see that is stationed for defense of the fort itself.

Here in the courtyard which is referred to as the Cortege is the clay in the center of the fort where the field exercises, physical training, and ceremonial parades are held and in your experience it's probably the hottest area in the fort.

Around there are a few buildings including the HQ, the mess, the armory, and the seesaw, which is the scrimmage indoor simulation area where you all have spent a lot of time training.

Specifically in the last episode, that's where your training took place cool so yeah the four of you are standing here waiting for the ceremony to take place i'm not sure if there's anything you want to do anything you want to say it's like the last day of summer camp you know taking it all in before we go and i assume pass out from you know i don't know lack of oxygen or something it's weird they keep saying pass out i don't understand that do we like put each other in chokeholds or like what is this yeah is it will they like maybe make us lose consciousness and like we, I don't know, like go into a different plane of existence and I don't know as a test in that way?

Yeah, like a cult or something.

Yeah.

As you all are making small talk amongst yourselves, a gathering of people wander into the courtyard and a few of them seem to be surrounding and talking to one person in specific who seems to be a higher rank than them.

You know, this is Colonel Boye, who has traveled many miles from another region to be the inspecting officer for the passing out parade.

Wow.

She walks straight over to you, four, and kind of takes you all in, looking at the floor of you.

Natty starts singing, here comes the boy.

Hello, boy.

Welcome.

Welcome.

I give him a real proper salute

and then I

to the rest of the crew so that they'll follow suit.

Doug is standing so straight and he's not making eye contact because he's so shy.

Your posture looks amazing, Doug.

You're doing so good.

We probably shouldn't talk to each other.

Natty salutes, but kicks up one leg to the side and gives a little sas in the other.

Cancer just salutes and holds it very still, like you think he might be frozen.

Like a frog statue.

I also like to imagine Doug is sweating, but because he's so furry, just like the fur on his forehead is just like stuck and like limp.

Is Doug panting?

A little bit.

Colonel Boy sees all of you and sees your leg kick Natty and says, oh, that's neat.

He kind of does it in return also.

He salutes and kicks his leg out too.

I like that one.

I might adopt that.

Wow.

Oh, I like this guy.

Yeah, the man, the myth, the legend, Colonel Boy.

How goes the battle?

How are the front lines, sir?

Oh, the front lines?

Yeah, you know,

they're in the front, obviously, and

battling.

Can I do a perception check?

Is this actually a colour?

Insight, insight.

Inside?

Vibe check.

Insight?

You can do an insight check.

Okay, what's this dude's deal?

12.

Yeah, and it seems he's got all the markings of a colonel, and he's, you know, surrounded by people who are attending to him.

Okay.

Can I motion Colonel Boy to come closer to Natty?

Yeah, he steps in a little closer.

Hey, do you know what we're going to be doing today?

Do you got any little tips or secrets about what's happening going on today?

Because they ain't told us nothing.

You're going to be doing the passing out parade and showing off some of your moves that you learned here during basic training.

Is it just a parade of four people?

It's a very sad parade.

Like, is there a float?

Are we going to be on a float?

You know, I'll give some commands.

You all will do the things I say.

And then there will be a parade.

And I think later we'll have some cake.

I love cake.

Well, this sounds not so bad.

I imagine it won't turn bad at all since we're playing D ⁇ D.

I feel like...

Do you think that maybe, like, us under Sergeant Celi, he was, like, way harsher than the normal people in this military are?

Like, maybe we just got like the bad apple.

Maybe Colonel Boy is like the doable kind of leader.

Maybe, I don't know.

I like apples.

With that, Colonel Boy says, anyway, it'll be fine.

We'll get through it here in just a bit.

You'll see.

And he turns around to talk to one of the people who was there with him.

It's a woman who's adorned and appears to be some kind of priestess.

And they begin speaking to each other kind of in a hushed tone.

You know how in like grade school, when you walk around the school and it's like your graduation because you're taking it all in and it's like you know all uh nostalgic and stuff do you guys want to like boogie around the Fort Endridge just say goodbye to everything even though it's all inanimate objects and buildings and stuff

do you think maybe we should come up with like a little routine real quick should we have prepped for this oh that's great I like that is this supposed to be like a like a performance because

they keep saying we're gonna show what we learned yeah well I I assume you know like some guy would come out out and, like, the one 1v1 kind of situation and stuff like that.

Or, or is it like us four doing like a choreographed, like a one and a two and a one, two, three, and then break out?

I think the best way to show that we are a team that knows how to coordinate with each other is with a stylish dance routine.

That's an idea.

Well, I don't know if that's necessarily everyone's song, so maybe you do a dance routine, daddy, you know,

I think a very talented dance wolf i say we take that big catapult and launch someone in it into the sea huh who's with me who do we have that would be small enough to go in a catapult i don't know

it couldn't be you told you're just way too big too big and and doug you're just you're also just a big old drink of water and and i gotta be honest i don't know how to swim so i don't think i'm the person to be shot out into into the ocean If only we had a solution.

So, ideally, an amphibious creature who can get launched into the water.

It can't be Tove, it can't be Doug, and it can't be me.

Who should we put in the catapult?

Goonther, any ideas?

A cat,

maybe Sauge's seal eye, or maybe that bee that we saw before.

You know, I like where you're going with the size there, Doug, but I think if we put our superior in the catapult, that'll be bad.

It's got to be somebody who is equal rank as us and around for us to put into the catapult i imagine all of our heads slowly turn towards gunther i don't think gunther quite understands what a catapult is so he's like okay

we cannot launch him in a catapult this sounds like bullying i don't like this

i would be honored to do this task what else is around here just out of curiosity the mess and the hq right yeah you're in the uh cortege which is the courtyard, and there's a few other buildings.

There's a HQ, there's a mess hall, there's the armory,

there's the seesaw, and of course the barracks, which you all were in just a little earlier.

And what was the seesaw?

That's the simulation area.

Correct.

You know, the seesaw is the scrimmage indoor simulation area.

It's a stone building where you did a lot of your training.

And, you know, over the past few months, you know, you've come to understand that it uses an ancient piece of thamatec called an eye caster to conjure lifelike illusionary environments, which is like the environment that you all were in in the previous episode where you were doing your training.

It's called a what?

Eye caster.

Eye caster.

Like I, E-Y-E?

No, just like I, like Steve Jobs.

It's an Apple product.

No, that one costs double the price.

While this talk of the catapult is going on, could I try to overhear what Colonel Boy is saying to the priestess looking person?

Yeah, it was actually the priestess who got his attention and who started talking to him.

a we'll say perception check to see if you can overhear what they're saying.

24.

Wow.

Oh man.

Barbara, you're killing her with the rolls today.

Yeah, you hear the priestess talking to Colonel Boy, and it seems like she's reminding him that she's looking for something and that she doesn't want him to forget that she needs to find the cone of copia and take it back to her convent that it's been missing for some time.

Hmm.

We know where that is.

Could I quickly shuffle over to my team and relay that information to them?

Yeah, of course.

Why don't you say it as Doug would?

Okay.

Look, guys, huddle in real quick.

I know we're talking about the catapult, but I need to take a pause.

Tell that priestess over there talking to Colonel Boye.

She mentioned that she's looking for that cone of copia, which I think is Naddy.

You found that that was found in your trunk, right?

Correct.

So apparently she's looking for it.

I don't know what it does.

Do you know anything about it?

I imagine it makes a nice little sound if you're blowing one in.

Would I guess Doug have any knowledge of what this cone of copia is?

Um, you've never seen it before.

I'll let you make a religion check to see if you've heard of it.

That's an intelligence check.

Doug, go to Sunday school, 24.

Dang, devout.

Wow.

So, you're not familiar with this specific relic, but you do know if this is a priestess from the Copia Convent, that the Copia Convent is not that far away, and this must be some kind of relic that provides mystical or magical magical effect on whoever wears it.

Okay.

I heard they use these things to decorate their tables, and they put little corn husks and little pumpkins around it for like a big meal they'd have once a year.

I see the confusion of the cornucopia, a common mistake here.

It's okay.

Don't feel bad, though, Naddy.

I never feel bad.

I'm happy.

So, like, I really want to help this priestess out, but, like, I also really like Colonel Bowie, and he is our superior officer so you know maybe we can ask if we can help her by asking if we can help him you know like get his approval first before making this decision i don't know i just don't want to get in trouble again steeli is so mean and he makes me do push-ups in the morning so you think we should tell colonel boy about it Yeah, I mean, I could go distract the priestess and then you could pull him to the side and be like, yo, I know where this is if you want.

Naddy perks up from our little huddle and goes, Colonel Boy, could you come out here for a second?

And then I boogie over to the priestess.

Hello, my name is Tov.

How are you today?

I'm imagining Tov's head like goes back and forth, side to side, so quickly while he talks.

Okay, yeah, I like that.

Colonel Boy's head snaps around and he begins walking over towards the group, passing Toll as Tov walks over to the priestess.

I'm gonna actually want to deal with Toll's conversation first because I'm most curious about this.

We should.

Okay.

Her attention turns to you, and she regards you and says, Hello, Toll.

I'm Priestess Chess.

Pleasure to meet you.

Welcome to Fort Indridge.

Have you been here before?

Indeed.

Our Abbey sends people to visit the fort very regularly.

Oh, okay.

Are you like part of the Mortalion?

No, of course not.

But we help support the Mortalian wherever possible.

Well, thank you for the support.

Like and subscribe.

That's so great of you.

Tell me about your abbey, tell me about your people.

Well, where do I start?

Why don't you first tell me what you know about the Copia convent?

The Copia Convent?

Well, I know it's nearby, and you're an abbey that supports the

mortalion when we need it.

You're a fantastic listener, Toll.

Oh, thank you.

Wow, has anyone ever told you that?

No, never once.

They might have, but I wasn't listening.

Well, allow me to enlighten you.

The Copia convent worships the deity, the fruit bearer, and our symbol is an empty cornucopia.

We try to do what we can to better the lives of people here.

Okay, so like, do you guys like cooking and stuff?

You like the foods and foodies?

Absolutely.

We are foodies, as you say.

But our primary duty at the Abbey is that we are tanners.

Tanners?

Oh, like, like, you get a hide and then you tan it in the sun after a hunt?

Precisely.

Oh, that's neat.

Cool.

So, like, what's your take on this whole war thing?

I hate to bring up politics, but you know, I'm just asking.

Well, we, of course, believe strongly in it, and we believe we are on the right side and that we will emerge victorious over the Undarians and must do whatever we can to vanquish them.

Which is why the Abbey does what we can, providing leather armor for the forces such as yourself.

Oh, leather armor.

Very cool.

That's so neat.

Thank you for providing that.

You're probably saving so many lives out on the battlefield.

We do what we can.

Yeah, that's so great.

I look back at the team and see if I'm buying enough time.

I love tanning.

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While that conversation was going on, we'll say the conversation with Colonel Boy was happening at the same time.

So he walks up to the three of you and says, Yes, Doug.

I mean, you called him over.

I thought you wanted to tell him.

Oh,

we have.

Oh.

Well,

before we get to that,

I thought it was Doug's plan.

Yeah, but you called him over.

I thought you were cool.

I was assisting Doug.

Hunter's very confused as to what is going on.

Because we just met Colonel Boy.

We don't know whether or not we could trust him.

We did a roll to 12 on an inside check.

Could I do a I guess like

Doug's not very charismatic, so he would just straight up be like, Coinle Boy, you're a good guy, white?

I try to be, sure.

Can I do an inside check?

Yeah, why not make an inside check?

Been killing you with the rose.

Keep it up.

16?

Not bad.

It seems like he's a little fidgety.

You think he's trying to be earnest, but he's maybe a little uneasy at the moment.

How do you know that woman Oadel you were talking to?

She's with the Abbey.

She's part of the entourage here.

They're bringing hides and armor for the base.

It's part of the whole passing out ceremony.

Oh, are they typically like to be twisted?

Like, you like them?

Yeah, the abbey.

They're great.

Look at all they provide for the fort.

He points around and you see there's actually lots of leather hides all around the fort on top of the leather armor that many of the recruits wear.

Barbara, the player, is always hesitant to like give up information to people we don't know fully yet.

I'll do it and just see what happens.

A stranger's just a friend you haven't met yet.

Yeah.

Who's saying that?

Is that us?

So I couldn't help but overheal that woman over there you were talking to, you said she was a priestess.

Yes, that's right.

She was trying to find this cone of copia.

She's been talking about that non-stop.

She's looking for a few things.

Do you happen to know when that went missing?

She said it went missing like a week ago or so.

Whoa.

We might have found it earlier today.

Oh, really?

Oh, she would love that.

Doug elbows Natty.

It was Sergeant Steele who found it.

Oh, the sergeant found it?

Does he have it?

Well, technically, he found it in my foot locker.

Did you steal it?

Because that would be bad.

Now, you gotta hold on.

Let me finish.

Finish my team.

Okay.

Doug here, Mr.

Smarty Pants, or some call him Mr.

Fur.

I like that.

Yeah, you should put that on a t-shirt.

No, I don't think we should.

I think that should leave it.

We should leave that on the floor.

He figured out, or he deduced, that a team might have planted it in my foot locker in order to get me in trouble.

So I think if we put two and two together, a team equals four

equals four.

Man, we got too many literal folks here on this team.

Private Lasic might have planted it and been the source of its original missing.

You don't say.

You have any evidence for that?

Not a lick.

Well, the priestess won't care in the end as long as she has it back.

You said the drill sergeant Stila has it?

Yes.

Okay, I'll talk to him.

She's also looking for

a beat?

No, she's not looking for a base.

Okay, good, because it got away.

She only likes A-pluses.

Nice.

That's all my conjugate.

She's looking for a hammer of some kind.

Have you seen that by any chance?

You should mention that.

Yeah, yeah.

Actually, Doug points over to Tolv.

It was in his Foot Locko.

I know.

Tolve's a point he twice with the guy.

I don't think that was his.

I give those little finger waves, you know, where you're like,

you have no idea what we're talking about.

Just like you're pointing at me.

You're like, yes, I'm Tolv, y'all.

He's got the hammer.

Well, no, Sergeant Steel Eye took that as well when he found it in his full occupant.

Oh, okay.

So Sergeant Steel Eye has everything that the priestess is looking for.

It would seem so.

Interesting.

Okay, great.

I'll let Priestess Chess know.

Thank you.

You guys are doing great.

You're going to kill it today, I know.

You guys seem like you're on the up and up.

You're going to have no problem with the passing out ceremony.

Well, I think also you should, you know, consider all honesty when you're guading us.

Guading.

Absolutely.

It'll definitely go on your permanent record.

All right.

I feel good about this.

Ain't nothing bad going to happen from this action we just took all on our own.

I feel a little nervous about it, Naddy, if I'm being honest.

Tove, we're good.

Yeah, I guess your conversations would probably end at about the same time.

So Tove, you would see Colonel Boy heading back over towards the priestess.

Okay.

I shake the priestess's hand and then I do my little jaunt over to the team.

And then I I give a little cute little salute to Colonel Boy.

Toodle.

You said her name was Priestess what?

Chess.

Chess.

Chess?

Yeah, C-H-E-S-S.

What does Gunther think about all this?

I feel like Gunther would see a lot going on here.

I mean, I think Gunther wants to go tell...

We're searching Steel.

Steel.

Steel.

You don't see him.

You haven't seen him since he left the barracks this morning after he woke you all up.

Do we go out and find the thing?

I feel like we told Colonel Boy where to find it.

And so we've done our due diligence.

I feel like we can just let it lie.

Should we work on that dance?

Oh, the choreographed dance for the show, the big parade.

Dance.

Our opening night.

I heard dance, and I was like, I don't know.

Listen,

Doug doesn't like to dance.

Okay, I'm just going to show you a little thing called a kickball chain, okay?

And I just, I just show my feet and I do a little kickball chain like dance and kind of show Doug how to do a simple move.

Make a performance check, Natty.

Doug takes out a notebook and starts writing down notes of what he's saying.

Performance check.

That's an 18.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, Doug, you are getting a masterclass in how to do it.

Your notes are, I assume, pristine.

You have fully analyzed this dance and broken it down to its individual components.

Now, Doug, you show me.

You show me what you can do with those feet.

Okay, let me show you.

And Doug turns his notebook around, and it's just a bunch of like equations and scribbles and stuff like that.

That clearly is not anything helpful to Natty.

Does this look white?

I'm going to be honest, I don't know.

Okay, so I got the kick, the ball, and the chain.

How about all three of you try to do it together and I'll assess your dancing abilities, okay?

Sound good?

Yes.

I'll try it.

Y'all.

I'll give it a shot.

Okay, and a one, and a two, and a three.

Let's see performance checks from all three of you.

Oh my god, dirty 20.

Four.

Five.

Somehow that's in character.

Yeah, it seems like Toll really was paying attention and picked it up and does a really excellent rendition of the dance.

Meanwhile, Doug and Gunther, I think one of them got the instructions backwards, like mirror image, and they keep bumping into each other every time they turn.

They just can't seem to get out of each other's way.

It's like that thing in the hallway when you walk up to someone and you go left and you go right and like just back and forth.

That's what they're doing the entire time.

I step on Gunther's toes.

Can I do like a spin at the end and then like a boop, like a dead drop with the leg in the air?

I think if you did a little spin and then a bell kick, that would just be peaches.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that.

Yeah, I like peaches too.

Yeah, peaches are great.

Doug and Gunther, we'll get it on the day.

We'll get it on the day.

Don't worry about it, okay?

Oh, I know.

You're confident in that.

With that, Colonel Boy steps up onto the dais and begins loudly addressing all of you.

Welcome, welcome, everyone.

It is time for the passing out parade.

I will be leading the demonstrations and B Team here will be executing the commands, showing their mastery of everything they've learned here at Fort Enrich.

B team, at attention.

All right, here's our moment.

Now do the little dance I just showed you.

Oh, no, I'm not ready.

I'm not waiting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can we do the dance?

Anna one.

Anna two.

Before you can get it out, Colonel Boy yells the command.

B team, draw arms.

Oh, come on.

Why do you got to phrase it that way, guys?

You know what's going to happen.

Tov presents his Warhammer.

Doug takes out his hand axe.

Natty presents an auto harp.

Gunther will pull out a sword.

I think he's learned what draw arms means.

It's been three months.

You've learned something.

I like it.

Learning and growing.

He's a fighter.

Yeah.

I imagine he, you know, would notice it.

I'm so proud of you, Kunther.

You did it.

We have not done the dance yet.

B team.

demonstrate advanced steps.

Left three, right, four, back, two.

Is this the tense?

This is the tense.

We've been prepping for this.

Oh, I at least I practice once.

Tolf, why don't you repeat those steps to me?

Okay, left three,

back,

four,

right.

Three.

Nope.

Left three, back, four, back, right, two.

What?

I don't think he said two two at all.

Natty, why don't you you give it a shot?

Now they're gone.

It's gone.

It was there for maybe a second.

Maybe.

I'm not even confident it was there for a second.

It's gone, though.

Natty does back three, right four, left five.

Hmm.

Gunther, you want to give it a shot?

Yeah, Gunther wants to do that dance.

Okay, Gunther begins dancing.

Make a performance check, Gunther.

Natty just starts going.

Oh,

so it isn't that one.

Oh no!

Instead of doing the steps, Gunther just face plants onto the ground.

He falls face forward.

Just on foot and down.

Can we add sound effects to Gunther's movements that are sticky?

I brought shame to all of us.

Doug, do you have those moves?

As far as I remember, from many sentences ago, left three, back one, right four?

Everyone got kind of close, but not quite right.

Gunther face plants and the other three of you end up kind of like bumping into each other and kind of bustling around.

Turnalboy just kind of furrows his brow and shakes his head a little bit.

What was it?

I whisper, I'm sorry, with big elaborate lips.

Speak team!

Salute!

Okay, salute!

Easy!

Got that one.

Nailed it!

Just so you know, the traditional Mortalian salute would be three fingers over the heart.

Oh.

So all four of you know that one.

You salute.

Is it like, is it that one or is it like this three?

Is it Michael Fastbender three?

Or is it...

Yeah, like which fingers?

fingers i think it's uh pointer middle and ring ring cool yeah oh it's like infomortalium yo also what were the steps just out of barbara's curiosity how close it was left three right four back two i said that the second time no you didn't you said left three back four right two oh you were so close you were so close you were so close i'm taking crazy bills right now we have we have the recording we'll hear it in uh in playback play it back play it back!

Play back the tape!

The team back for my brain 2!

The team back for my

braid 2.

I'm still proud of you, Blaine.

And hence.

Colonel Boy clears his throat and looks at you, Gunther,

and says, Sound off, like a rabbit.

What an army is this?

You've broken Chris.

Gunther goes.

Not bad.

Not bad.

To be clear, that's the sound of a rabbit getting run over by a tracker.

So that sounds quite happening.

Does that work?

Yeah, he looks at you and then turns his attention to Doug and says, Doug.

Hello.

Give the most disappointing sigh.

It's pretty good.

Because I interpreted that direction as like a sigh that's disappointing, not a sigh that indicates I'm disappointed.

So it's like a sigh that's like a really bad thing.

A disappointing attempt at a side.

White, white, white, white.

All of that is being said to Colonel Boy right now, right?

So like you sigh with an asterisk and you got to explain all the asterisk stuff under it.

Exactly.

Netty.

What?

Summon your inner radish.

Done.

Good job.

He pulls out a piece of paper and begins writing down while looking at you.

Colonel Boy comes down from the dais and begins very closely examining each of you, your uniforms and the way your posture is and how you're standing.

He's like writing notes down on a piece of paper.

Doug's sweating.

Doug's sweating.

Panther stands up real straight.

He looks at Doug.

You hear him like, oh, sweaty.

As he's writing.

It's because I kill a lot.

You kill a lot?

I kill.

These are concerned sweats.

He's just again, each one of you, just looking at you and then riding down with a very concerned look on his face.

I lean lean over to Total, like, I think we're nailing it.

He didn't give me a prompt.

I cannot state how disappointed I am that I didn't get some weird prompt.

I think you're just the dancer.

No.

Everyone had that.

While he's inspecting you, Tot, he, you know, looks you over, writing, writing stuff down, and says, What sound do clouds make?

And then sometimes, shh, that's rain.

You're writing it down.

Huds do produce wains.

But I did, I said, I said all of this, and I like, I was up on his ear, like, like, literally, like, my mouth to his ear going, shh.

It's like a private ASMR session.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Private ASMR is on C-team.

Take an inspiration die.

That's a good one.

First one.

As you're giving him his private ASMR session, the other three members of your squad can see that Colonel Boy's eyes grow wide and he lifts his left arm and points off in the distance.

Fire drill!

Where is he pointing?

Oh, oh, oh.

Can we look?

Gutter runs to where he pointed to.

Same, it's probably the catapult, right?

Why would we be running to where he's pointing fire drill?

Yeah, you all turn around and look, and the mess hall is on fire.

Oh, is this part of the ceremony?

Go, go, go!

I think this is part of our test, guys.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Is there a well from our training and stuff?

Yes, there's actually a well near the mess hall.

Okay.

To the well.

Can we run to it and then look for like any sort of

bucket at the well?

Is there like a bucket thing?

Yeah, there's multiple buckets there.

It's a very large well since it needs to supply the entire form.

I'll run inside really quickly and see if there's anybody in there that needs to get out.

Okay.

And then yeah, get a bucket of water and pour on them.

And then I'm gonna kick down the door and see and go in and say, you hoo, is anyone in here?

Does anyone need rescuing?

You go in and make an investigation check.

Okay.

That is a

11.

You don't notice anybody inside the mess hall.

It appears to be empty.

Okay, then I run back out because I am not fire resistant.

Not this campaign.

No one's in there.

We probably still need to get the fire out.

That's probably, you know, kind of vital in this situation.

Doug, I can see why you're the smart one.

Well, no one's in there, I guess.

We're done.

How big of a fire is it, and where is it, like, located on the building?

It's about eight square feet in size, so it's not very big yet.

It's still growing.

Let's say it's, like, three feet by three feet, uh, and it's near one of the corners by the front door.

Okay.

So it's on the ground.

It's not, like, on the roof or anything.

Correct.

It appears to be starting from the ground and, of course, like a fire proceeding up and out.

We have that big catapult.

We could put a bunch of water in it and launch it at the fire.

Can we just grab a bucket, start throwing water?

Yeah.

Can we just not overthink this and just start throwing water?

That works too.

Get into line and bucket down.

Okay, I'll get in line with Gunther.

Sure.

Yeah, same.

Doug, you too?

Yeah.

Why don't you describe to me the order you all are in if you're making a bucket line?

Like, who's at the well?

Who are the two in the middle?

And then who's the person at the end actually tossing the water?

I think I should be filling the water.

I'm not very fast, I don't think.

So I'll fill the buckets and pass them to the next person.

How about this?

I'll I'll just make a call.

Doug, Toll, Natty, Gunther.

Yeah.

Gunther's throwing it on the building.

Gunther could also like put it in his mouth.

You know, he's got a big frog mouth and go,

I love your creativity, but we're adding steps to something we've already got.

Why don't the four of you make me a perception check?

Okay.

11.

8.

I also rolled an 11.

6.

Not good.

Sorry, I'm so distracted by the file.

I can't, I can't cause the toy cost.

Two elevens, a six, and an eighth.

Toll and Naddy, as you all are, you know, positioning yourself in the middle here of the bucket brigade, you think you hear some weird noise, like a yelping of some kind.

From where?

It's hard to say.

It's somewhere around you, not too far away.

Does it sound like a familiar voice we've heard before?

It sounds almost like an animal.

Oh.

Oh, no.

The stakes have gotten higher.

I guess Naddy would start looking around for what that was.

Oh, wait, wait, we'll keep doing the buckets while you look around, Naddy.

I heard something.

I heard something yelling.

You go look for that.

I'll take your positioning line.

I'll run with the bucket.

Okay, Naddy's on the hunt.

Okay, for the three of you on bucket duty,

make me dexterity checks to see if you're able to handle the bucket and pass it off between yourselves, okay?

Oh, man, a six.

Mine went from a 19 and rolled into a one, so the three total.

21.

Good thing Tolt is in the middle so yeah you you're just running empty buckets that were spilling on either side well i'm probably filling them up probably badly that's insane it's just yeah it's just uh there's a weak there's two weak links in this chain guys you're killing me doug is pulling up mostly empty buckets of water handing them to toll who then hands them to gunther who throws them and like it all falls short of the fire it doesn't actually get to the point where it's effective right maybe maybe just auto isn't working for us should we reorder and then uh try again Yes.

The fire grows another 14 square feet.

It continues to grow.

Okay.

Tov, how about you take bucket fill duty since you seem to be really good at getting the water?

Okay.

Guntho, why don't you take middle?

I'll take end.

Should we try again?

Yeah, before I get to natty, I'll have you guys try one more time.

18.

8.

12.

I think Doug's sweaty hands made the bucket really hard for Tov to handle.

What is full of water?

It's looking better, but it's still not great.

Some water is starting to make its way onto the fire and helping to slow it down, but it's still very much an out-of-control raging fire at this point.

While that's going on, Natty, something caught your attention.

You heard a yelping of some kind, and so you're starting to look around trying to figure out where it's coming from.

Why don't you make me an investigation check now?

You're trying to like focus down and find specifically what's going on.

Ooh, first Nat20 of the campaign.

Ooh, With my investigation, that's a 19.

Do you have a minus one on that?

Yes, I do.

So your intelligence is negative?

Yeah.

Classic.

Classic us.

Well, with a warlock, it's all charisma.

You feel like the yelping sound, it's difficult to pin down where it's coming from because you think it's coming from below ground.

You put your ear to the ground and you feel like you can hear it more clearly once you're, you know, you're lower to the ground.

You hear almost like yelping and growling and digging coming from under your feet.

I lay down on the ground and I put my, like, just face straight to the ground, and I just go, Hello?

Is anybody there?

Everyone, look, Naddy is channeling a radish.

Love it, that's great.

Do you feel like when you do that, it sounds like the noises stopped for a moment?

I start digging.

Okay.

Make me a, let's call it a strength check, just to see how much progress you're able to make.

That's a four.

The ground's pretty tough.

It's sunbaked and packed.

It's a big deal, isn't it, Gus?

Yeah, it's really tough to start making progress.

Okay.

You'll get there.

It'll just take a little while.

Natty stands up and like, yeah, it's like the nails aren't working quite well.

Maybe Natty doesn't even like want to dig very much because just like, don't want to mess with my manicure.

And Natty stands up,

cracks her knuckles, and puts like both palms towards the ground and

starts shooting eldritch blasts into the ground.

Oh, that's cool.

Nice.

Don't hurt the thing.

thing.

What does that look like when you start eldritch blasting the ground?

I think what Natty would do to like kind of contain what's happening is Natty would literally put like almost like a like a diamond formation with your hand and put them down like on the ground and just like brace with their face like turned away and just like shoot to like like make like a

hole in the dirt.

Yeah.

And then assess like all the dirt that left and maybe do it again if there's more to go downward.

Sure.

Yeah, you begin starting to eldritch blast the ground.

While you're doing that, why don't the four of you make me a perception check?

Mm-hmm.

Ooh, better this time.

21.

23.

8.

10.

So while this is going on, Naddy and Doug, the two of you notice Colonel Boy is no longer in the central courtyard area in the Cortege.

Seems like you see him walking into the barracks.

And how far are those from the

relation to the mess hall?

It's not too far away.

It's like two buildings down from where you are.

Okay.

They keep the barracks and the mess hall kind of close to each other for efficiency's sake.

And as you see him doing that, Natty, you finally manage to punch a hole in the ground.

And you see that there's a small cavern beneath.

And when you look down, you see...

This is a cat, so help me God.

Always find a way to find a cat for John.

You look down to see a pair of eyes glaring back at you with a vicious scarlet glow.

Flames ignite the cavern, and you're suddenly staring at three blazing red hounds that bound out from the hole onto the surface with a thud.

As they bare their fangs and growl, your training floods back into your mind with the name of these fiery fiends, De Mongrels.

But they were like yelling?

Yelping.

Probably

to try to get us to get them out, maybe to have them attack us.

I don't know.

They may have started the fire because they're fire creatures.

Can I use a bucket of water and throw it on one of them?

You can.

On the next episode, it tells from the Steve Dragon.

Mystery!

Our first cliffhanger.

I hate it already.

Yeah, this was fun.

I'm really getting into the groove with these new characters.

I'm really liking where this is all going.

I think we had a lot of fun meeting not only you guys, but some new NPCs and kind of mixing it up a bit.

Fun stuff.

I love it.

Turn out we're not good firefighters.

Yeah, not good firefighters.

Don't quit your day job.

We're not chip hainies.

We talk about the fire a lot, and then we throw no water on it.

Badly, yeah.

Find out what the fate of the fire and the demongrels and bee team is in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday, anywhere you stream podcasts and, of course, on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel.

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We can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show.

Listeners that interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Drill Sergeant SteelEye, named after Sergeant Steel82.

I was just talking with him on Discord the other day.

He was so surprised to see the NPC named after him.

Private A-O-K Oak Ray, named after Oak.

Private Classic Lastic, named after Dirk, voiced by Carrie Shawcross.

Private Draino Kandranos, named after Candranos.

Private Mesmestra, named after Creative and voiced by Ash Oulette, at F-A-F-N-Y-R-R.

Colonel Jonathan Boye, named after Jonathan Boye, voiced by Armando Torres.

Check out his show over at midnightsnack.tv.

Priestess Chess, named after Transient Day, voiced by Katie Ward, at Katie Ward.

This week's arrow question was submitted by Ghost Gamer5210.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.