C02 - Ep. 33 - Passé in Perrish - All Your Hags in One Basket

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Good day, all you dark weavers.

Skitter your way into the stinky dragon.

Guzzle our latest gulp, Web and Flow.

It's a mixture of strongly brewed necro coffee, a bite of honey, murky almond milk, shaken with lots of eyes.

One taste of this tarantula tonic is enough to give you eight legs to stand on.

Previously, our adventurers were enlightened with the dualistic life of the alchemist.

Next, they plodded back into Parish and plotted their next move to handle the hags.

But can they overcome the coven, or will they become the coven's next victims?

Latch onto a libation, let's leap into our lore.

Is this a Mandela Effect moment, or do you normally say good evening at the top?

Good evening.

No, it's Mandela Effect for sure.

Yeah,

you've said either, or you've said good day all the time?

I feel like good day.

Okay, yeah, it is a Mandela.

You said that.

I was like, that's wrong.

It should be evening or night because this is a spooky day.

That's what I thought.

But you know what?

But the podcast is released at 10 a.m., so what are we doing?

6 a.m.

for 6 a.m.

We don't eat 2 a.m.

for audio.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Time.

It's constructive.

There's got to be people listening to it right at 2 a.m., right?

Who are doing the overnight shifts or something like that?

I have listened to podcasts the moment that I get the notification from Spotify.

Yeah.

Shoot an arrow.

Shoot an arrow.

Shoot me.

Shoot John.

Micah says the greeting is usually

alliterative based on the monster.

What does he know?

Based on the monster?

Yeah.

What's the monster for today?

Good day, all you dark weavers.

Okay, okay.

Dark weaver day.

I'm gonna hit our players with an arrow.

Thank you.

My name is Gustavus Herlon, the Dungeon Master, and this week's role-playing warm-up question is: what does your character do to relax/slash distress?

Well,

hello.

I'm Barbara Dunkelman.

What's up?

What's up, bros?

What's up?

And I play Elga von Brath, the half-elf vampire barbarian.

Level six.

And Elga, you know, she wants to really kick back and relax.

She does a number of things.

One of her favorite relaxing hobbies is hunting.

Going out into the forest or into the city, finding unsuspecting person and giving them a little

taste.

Hunting people?

No.

Yeah, for friends.

Yeah, definitely not.

Blood.

Definitely not.

I thought this was a room.

I was alone in here.

Say, space, safe space.

Confession booth.

You said an unsuspecting person.

Are these like, yeah, that's the question.

Are the arrow questions answered together as a group, or is it like a confessional?

In the theater of my mind, this is a cutaway.

They're in an interview setting akin to the office, and they're just answering to the kids.

Yeah, the interviewer, who is Gus, going, people?

Yeah.

And I'll go, no.

Yes, like reality show, like confessional style.

Yeah, I like that.

Yes.

So yeah, that's what they do to relax and unwind, you know, stretch my legs.

Just

some mild murder.

Yeah.

And that's in bubble baths.

In

hunting and bubble baths.

Not correlated whatsoever.

Coagulated.

Coagulated.

Is that the word?

Yeah, yeah, you got it.

Type A bubble bath.

Gross.

Hi, I'm Barney Farney, played by Chris Damaris.

He was like,

I'm a human cleric.

And you know, what I like to do to unwind what is i i go i go out to the market and i talk with people who pass by if they'll stop and i like to unwind yarn oh you take a ball of yarn and you just kind of unwind it and then you wind it back up around it's just and you talk to people That actually kind of does sound relaxing.

I don't get the connection between the two activities.

Unwinding.

I know, but why are you unwinding the yarn while you go and talk to people?

In my mind, Barney thought that that's what crocheting was.

He saw someone doing it, and he's like, I can do that.

And that it's like a mobile activity.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And I just like to people

have such interesting stories.

Chris delivers the majority of Barney's lines directly at me.

And I just go with it.

That's great, Chris.

I mean, Barney.

So, Barney, you like to listen to the stories as opposed to being the one who tells the stories, is what I'm gathering.

Or listen.

Both.

Sometimes talk and listen.

He's just wandering up to people.

He doesn't know unwinding yarn and listening.

Listening.

You know, sometimes.

Oh, he's doing something.

So

I'm suspecting.

It's just an old man just puttering up to y'all, not saying anything and pulling apart.

I do like the idea he's breathing really loud, though.

I like to think he also just starts mid-story.

Like, you have no idea what he's...

So, when I went to the store.

Is he talking to me?

A completely believable story.

I went to a craft fair and I got locked into a conversation with an old man for, I kid you not, minimum 15 to 20 minutes.

Said, old people lonely.

You know, you can talk to an old person if they're not problematic.

We're practicing with Barney.

Yeah.

Hey, I'll go next.

Hey, there, it's me.

It's Chip Haney.

It's your best pal from Wisconsin.

Wisconsin.

Where's that?

Wisconsin.

This is in my lore.

You've established.

It's all the way where the wizards are from.

Oh, gotcha.

I'm played by Delane Gibson.

Chipane is a tiefling rogue, level six.

And another, oh, you know, I have multiple activities for unwinding.

You know, I do a little bit of yoga when we were taking a long rest and I got the time.

If not, it's a short rest, I'll do, I'll practice my box breathing.

And then when we have like really long rests, you know, I'll go out into the city and follow some leads on my missing wife, Carol.

Might pick up a few people, interrogate them.

They don't give me the information I want, or I think that they're suspicious.

I'll also kill them.

It's weird, though, because I keep running into Elga.

I was going to say, Chip, we could combine our relaxation hobbies together.

I just didn't know that that's how you blew Austin.

That's how I blew Austin.

We got so much in common.

I'm so sorry that I'm listening in on your

staff list of these are by themselves and you immediately responded as Zelga.

That was great.

So I know you gave a lot there to unpack, Chip.

What's box breathing?

Oh, box breathing.

It's where you breathe in

for three seconds.

Practice it with me, podcast listener.

Three seconds, and then you hold on to it for three seconds.

Uh-huh.

And then you're released for three seconds.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, and you just keep doing it and you breathe and it's like making a box.

Breathe in.

Why is it a box?

It's two.

You breathe in, out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

The eco-leted box.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

You forget to hold.

Yeah.

That's somewhere in there, too.

It might be a triangle or pentagon breathing.

It's just all about the breathing.

Okay.

I was just curious why it was a box, but I guess that makes sense.

Yeah.

To be honest, my real world doctor actually told me this, and I still don't understand why it's called box breathing.

It's because of the holding.

She made the square.

Yeah.

I was like, okay, I'll just breathe.

It's more for a visual hold out.

Yeah.

Anyways, I hyperventilated and passed out.

I don't know what to do.

What the audio listeners can't see is Barbara tracing a square

in the sky.

Yeah.

A visual learner.

Anyways, murder.

That's my only long and short of it.

Okay.

I'm sensing a common theme in some of these answers here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We all have almost exactly

Elga and Chip murder and Barney murder someone's brain by John Murray.

Mati, who do you murder?

For fun, right?

I'm John Reisinger, and I play Matisse Confisi.

She's an Eric Cochrane ghost monk.

And

what do I do to unwind?

Oh, it's very simple what I do to unwind.

I actually talk to my therapist.

Yes.

That sounds healthy.

Yeah, I mean, I'm all about bettering oneself and taking responsibility for one's own actions and thoughts and everything.

And so, yeah, a therapist really helps with that.

And so, yeah, that's what I do.

You You know, there's a non-zero chance that your therapist would talk to you, then encounter Barney out in the wild, then.

Get out of my confessional booth.

Then get kicked,

beaten, and interrogated by me, and then murdered by Belga all in one day.

He'd hit the whole party.

God

group raid for family therapy.

I like to think that we can all join in in the confessional, but then like that gets erased once we're back in the campaign.

Ah, yes, yes, like no one, no one else.

No one remembers that.

The confessional is after the fact, after the allegations.

We are talking.

We are talking to the barkeep.

That's implying that we all survive this campaign, which is my goodness.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

Speaking of which, we're at a very pivotal moment in the campaign.

Yeah.

I'm in the graph.

Battle, but also pivotal moment because we get the end of stinkuary.

Oh, yeah.

Is this the end of January?

This is past stinky.

Yeah.

No, no.

The last episode of January?

This episode comes out on the 23rd?

The 23rd.

Of Jan.

Sanctuary.

Yeah.

So we have our big live stream.

No, I think it comes out the 30th.

Oh, never mind.

Forget this.

30th is after the live stream.

It comes out the 30th.

You're right.

Oh, Chris was actually so excited, and he fully deflated right there.

That was so sad.

Here's the thing about today's episode.

We got to be extra nice to Chris because it's his birthday today.

Is it?

The release?

No, today.

With real life.

Wait, really?

Today's Chris's birthday.

You feel like a terrible friend.

That's okay.

I don't care.

Haircut looks great.

Thank you.

Monani Vestia.

I got you an inspiration die for your birthday.

Oh, yeah.

I have one.

You got me that last year.

You got the same gift.

It happened again.

It happened again.

Chris is just a little creature.

He teaks in valleys.

It's called Triangle Living.

It could be a party favor.

Blaine just gave quite the look.

Let's fight.

Yeah.

That's a big fight!

As you are sneaking over Chip, the hag eye in your possession suddenly glows with a green light, and you hear a shriek of laughter bellow from the purple and blue hags.

The green hag cries out from the nearby cage,

Chirac and Skitch begin chanting, We can't see you!

You've got a beacon in your pocket!

Chirac and Skitch join hands and their feeble figures rise into the air.

Shivy's cage also rises into the air behind them.

On each of their foreheads, a third green eye appears.

Oh!

One claw!

Three challenge!

Our coven united!

Three hags!

One sisterhood!

Our powers ignited!

All three hags erupt with sickly green flames, and a shockwave booms throughout the cavern.

For the first time since you've seen them, all three hags no longer appear as decrepit old crones, but instead a trio of fearsome and formidable witches.

Everyone roll initiative.

Oh my god.

Wait, restart the math equation.

I got lost at three hags.

One claw, three talons.

Two

talents.

Divided by

him, Gus.

Why are you?

Because Barbara's actually joining us.

I'm actually ready.

Oh, you're not ignoring Blaine and talking to Barbara.

One claw, three talents.

Our coven united, three hags, square root, one sisterhood, our powers ignited.

All right, fine.

Let's solve for pie.

That equals everyone roll initiative.

Yay!

I feel like in the audio design, David, just whatever Blaine says, just make it really quiet.

So it seems like Blaine's in the other room.

No, that's hilarious.

Did we roll initiative last time?

Because I think I had a good roll.

You all did.

Do you want to use that?

Does everyone want to use initiative for me?

I'd be okay with it, but it's up to the room.

I have no idea what it was.

I got him all there.

It was five for Mate, 21 for Barney, 21 for Elga, and 19 for Chip.

It's in the party-wide, it was pretty good.

Yeah, yeah, except for Matid.

Except for Matid.

And then, Barney, what's your dexterity?

Super fast.

Um, two, super fast.

He did it.

You're 15, plus two.

Okay, mine's 14, so you would go ahead of me.

You're super fast was before you looked at it because I saw you scroll to it.

That's just the confidence of Christopher Demaris.

I know it was like a plus.

Barney would be ahead of Elga then because his dex is better.

All right.

That's where Minecraft Villager comes out when you make noises like that.

Yeah.

All right.

And just to reset the stage, so you all remember, you all were in this.

We had all prepped to try to do an attack.

Correct.

You all had gotten into position.

You're in this like the Talon HQ slash lair.

And you had some Cavillary who had come with you to assist you.

You did so good.

He's been pretty good about it.

Ever since I gave him the tip, just pronounce like Capillary.

He does not mess this up.

Kepler Kepler

I go to sleep in infi is the last thing I say before I fall asleep and the first thing I say when I wake up that's good concerning his wife

she's very worried and I guess I'll re-describe the the the lair a little bit just so you have like a bit of a layout as to what's going on like a standing army there's a lot of people yeah there's like people going through the tunnel there's all the yeah yeah that's kind of why I wanted to like give a little bit of an overview more more so than normal just because there was a lot going on so in this big lair this is where you all had been before where you fought lewis in the ice dome there is a a body of water kind of like a a river going from east to west kind of in the northern portion of the room along with a large tree at the northern end on the western end of the northwestern corner of the room there's a a bunch of magical oddities surrounded by some darklings in the center of the room that's where Skitch, Shirok, and Shivy are along with the headless horsemen.

I thought Shivy was in a cage.

She was, she still is, but the cage has started floating in the air.

So, and she's in the center of the room as well.

Well, she's kind of off to the eastern side.

That's kind of where Mateed, I believe, had gone off to.

I was laughing because Mateed's in the ground trying to go into the cage.

Oh, yeah.

The cage is not floating.

And then in the southeastern corner of the room, there is a pile of corpses.

Now, is Shaivi floating or is Shaivi's cage floating?

Probably both.

Because I'd imagine that she's floating, but the cage is still heavy.

Like on her?

She's going.

the gravitational power is coming from her, not the cage.

She's weighing down.

So, just to clarify, the cage began floating and it has also moved to the center of the room.

Okay.

So it was in the eastern portion, but now that it's floating, it has kind of like joined with the other hags.

Cool.

Cool.

Oh, I saw the hag eye, so that's giving away my location, even if I go into hide.

That's why they said he can see you.

I stick it in my pants.

I tried something different this time.

That's funny.

I tried tried to draw what you were describing

as you said.

I'm sure it was great.

It is a beautiful drawing.

It is a blue line across the center of a pair.

It is a river.

It is a river.

And then a tree.

He didn't.

How accurate is that?

I think he said river.

I think you said body of water.

I said a body of water, but I did say it was flowing.

It is kind of a river.

This is the water you all used when you escaped.

This is unprecedented.

Gus has left his DM station.

I know.

He came to look at my.

it looks like a child's drawing well we know what it looks like we don't have to see it yeah yeah yeah

but all i got is the tree the river and then a a cage it looks more like a waffle iron it does look like a waffle iron send that um that image to ben we can do that on social oh that was the cage that was the cage

i didn't i i didn't know what i was looking at okay there's a new there are new episodes of bluey on disney plus and one of them the theme of it is not being able to understand what your kids are drawing when they draw it.

And that whole idea game.

And you just gave me those viruses.

That looks like the worst country's flag.

Like, pirates took over a small island, and that's the best they came up with.

There were no like graphic designer pirates.

Remember, be nice to Chris for his birthday.

Chris is a very good draw.

He just turned six.

Shock, he's made it this far.

Barb's version of Be Nice to Chris was pander Chris.

Yeah, very good drawing.

Good use of color.

Well, speaking of Chris, Barney, you are up first.

You have the highest initiative role.

What did Barney do to prep?

I cast that really cool spell that stops the phase.

What was it called?

Barbara just wiped him.

Still trying to spit off her face.

I was...

Yeah, he was.

He knew you were in the beginnings of casting that spell that would capture a bunch into one spot.

Yeah, but I was in.

I was going to do the separate the witches.

Right.

From their crew.

Oh, no.

Separate

the three witches.

Yeah, well, it sounds like they went over.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, so, so, which witch.

So,

I know.

Chris has a lot of intense energy, which is great.

I really appreciate he's present here.

But as he was like talking to Blaine, there, your eyes were really wide and your neck was clenching.

Should we put Blaine and Chris next to each other so Chris can't look directly at Blaine anymore?

He's just okay.

I think he finds comfort in Blaine's presence and the connection that they have as friends.

And I think that's there.

And I think that's actually meaningful.

Yeah, what about it?

I was casting Lima's tiny hut.

No, I wasn't really, not that one.

I can't find the one I was casting.

Gus, can I have the dungeon master screen?

Magic circle!

That's right, and it's like a binding thing, yeah.

And it separates it from all the other types, and it makes them weaker inside of it, and they can't leave it.

Why is he yelling?

Why is he yelling?

No, that doesn't fine.

He's fine.

He's ready for battle.

I appreciate that.

Chris is really here for this moment.

If I remember right, correct me if I'm wrong, Chris.

You had tried to cast it in such a way that you were separating the hags from each other, right?

If it wasn't the outside hag, I think he was making it.

It was the two outside hags, the two hags that aren't cage and cage, right?

Right.

You were trying to encircle both Skitch and Shirock in it.

Was that?

And then,

no?

Only one of them.

That's right.

That's that's what I thought is that you were doing it to separate the outside one from each other.

So you were separating Skitch and Shirock from each other.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

And if I could get any of the other hagslings thrown in there, he asked.

He asked if there's anybody close and you said nobody was.

was unless they probably haven't moved yet.

It took a minute to cast it, right?

Yeah, we'll say he was prepping it ahead of time.

It's 100% Chris's turn, so you can avoid my question until my turn.

But I do have a question that might help you.

Gus, may I have the floor?

The chair recognizes the honorable Chip Haney from Wisconsin.

Y'all know

if can we tell if Shivy, if she was given the opportunity,

would she be able to separate?

Is she showing signs?

Is it the cage that would

have to be some kind of insight check on your turn to try to ascertain that can can chip ascertain is the cage stopping her from going or is it her yeah you know like she might be like magnetically my guess is that they're all floating together because they all have to be together yeah and like it's just pulling like the cage essentially is like around so can i separate them your honor

so what you're asking is if your magic circle goes into effect yeah can i can i do that Yeah, we'll say sure.

Your circle pops up.

It's a 10-foot radius.

Circle gets the square.

10-foot radius, 20-foot-tall cylinder of magical energy centered on a point that would allow you to encapsulate Skitch, but not Shirock.

How high are they up in the air?

Well, I'll answer that in a second here.

I just want to finish going over this.

I was just asking because of the cylinder.

Because it has to be centered on a point on the ground that you can see within range.

Yeah, so if they're higher than 20, it has no effect on them.

But let's go over what effects you did choose first.

So you chose a fake creature and it would affect them.

They would not be able to willingly enter the cylinder.

The creature tries to use teleportation or interplanetary travel.

It must first succeed on a charisma saving throw.

Any creature inside of it has disadvantage on attack rolls against targets within the cylinder.

Okay.

Targets within the cylinder can't be charmed, frightened, or possessed by the creature.

When you cast this spell, you can elect to cause its magic to operate in the reverse direction, preventing a creature of the specified type from leaving the cylinder and protecting the targets outside of it.

And that's what you wanted, right?

Yeah, so that, well, what I want to do is make it so that like the one that's in it can't leave it.

Okay.

And then can the other Fae go into it?

So I'm going to say they could enter, because normally, the normal operation is a creature can't willingly enter the cylinder.

Then the reverse, if you cast the reverse, a creature cannot willingly leave.

Normally, they could not enter it, but they could leave it.

But now, since you're reversing it, they cannot leave it, but they can enter it.

And I'll say that they're floating about 15 feet in the air.

So the cylinder would be tall enough.

Okay.

But she does get a charisma save DC-17.

Did that answer all your questions?

I think she gets a charisma save to be caught in it.

Yeah.

There's a save at the top.

Charisma 17.

Oh.

I hope she misses it.

Okay, let's see here.

Did that answer all your questions?

Did that answer all your your questions chris yes yes yes sorry that was i know that's a spell we've never used before it's very complicated i want to make sure we we understand all the ins and outs it's always interesting to learn about okay so charisma

saving throw she has good charisma oh no she got a plus three on that so she needs a 14 or better to make it not too high yeah i mean it's still in your favor that is a five that's a failed save so

she's trapped for your birthday

only for your should chris have advantage on all his roles today?

Let's not go crazy.

We just need our birthdays to land on boss fights.

Right?

So they begin floating in the air about 15 feet.

Your magic circle finally solidifies and finally takes effect and encapsulates your.

Did that surprise you, Barney?

No, no, that was in like...

That's Barney trying to become a air cocker.

But cause!

Speaking of teaser language.

And then, can Barney run into that circle?

Run.

Or or hobble, whatever, you know, like make his way.

Imagine he gives a warrior cry that lasts like half an hour.

Yeah.

It's like that scene in Austin Powers when the

ice.

I was thinking more like

it was a

steamroller or something.

Steamroller, yeah.

What's that?

The politician in the

oh, yeah, the one that like fell out of the presidential racer because he went

you're about 80 feet away from where Shirock is.

Okay.

All right.

Well, because he's at like where we all came in.

Correct.

Because he didn't move.

I know I believe Chip had started moving to the east and Mateed had gone underground in the eastern direction as well.

But I believe where we left it was Elga and Barney were both still near the entrance.

Yeah.

So since we had like pre-cast that, was that my action or was that like...

I'll say it doesn't take an action, that you had already started casting that previously.

Nito.

Okay.

Well then,

what I will do now is I'm going to cast.

Is the thing you just cast a concentration spell?

I just wanted to bring it up in case you accidentally cast another concentration spell.

Because I want it to hold.

No, it isn't.

It's not a concentration spell?

It is not.

So is it a time?

Yeah, it's...

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's timed.

So I don't have concentration.

And I cast.

I can cast it.

Spirit guardians.

This is as loud as Chris has ever been.

Chris is really bringing it today.

I call four spirits to protect me.

They fit around you within distance of 15 feet for the duration.

And they do.

Are you doing Radiant or Decrotic?

No, they do.

Of course I do Radiant.

On affected creatures, speed is half in the area.

I choose all my party members and the cavalry

unaffected by it.

And on a failed save, when they enter it, they take 3d8 Radiant damage.

So I do have to give

a quick point of clarity here.

Yeah.

So I wouldn't say that, you know, since your other spell, you started casting in a previous turn you know it inactivated here i said it didn't take an action there is still a line there you can you cannot cast two spells in one turn unless this one's like a cantrip or something because this is his birthday i just didn't so so you can cast a spell that's a non-action like a bonus or a reaction or you can use a cantrip or attack but really we're crossing a line if you cast two leveled spells in one in one turn

Let me step in as the lawyer now.

If he does the Radiant thing on the next turn, can we do that thing where he walks back and forth to proc the effects like I do in Baldur's Gate?

Yeah, that's what he did the last time we were in this room.

Did he really?

Yes.

Oh, that's great.

My memory resets on each episode.

Who am I playing?

Shoots and ladders.

Is that a spell?

I'm looking.

I don't think it really affects you that negatively because you weren't going to be able to get close enough for it to

affect this turn.

To queue it up in case they introduced your space.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a good spell.

Well, then, here's what I can do, Gus.

Haha!

Is I can use my, as my action, I will do

my, my rate, my, I'm a cleric, and I do

step

twilight sanctuary.

As an action, you present your holy symbol, and a twilight emanates from me.

30-foot radius filled dim light for one minute until I'm incarcerated or die.

And I grant 1d6 plus tick.

Being precipitated.

I grant 1d6 plus 6 temporary hit points.

Or I can end

the charming or frightening.

And I

think the 1d6 plus 6 to myself at the end of my turn.

I'm going to roll it now, just preemptively.

He's not even waiting for Gus's go ahead.

He's just saying, I'm going to roll it.

That is a four.

That is 10 temporary hit points for Barney.

Ha ha.

And anyone within 30 feet of me,

I think probably just me.

Yeah, I think it is just

moved.

So he says 10 temporary hit points?

Well,

at your turn.

At the end of your turn.

As long as you're nearby him.

So come to me.

And then as my bonus action.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

That's my bonus action.

He's really punching those consonants.

Oh, yeah.

Plosives.

Plosives.

If he just says it loud and then powers through the description, you're not going to stop him.

You can't.

You can physically.

This thing's happening.

He's using the power of headphones to overwhelm you.

I can't think because my ears are getting stabbed.

Until you incarcerate him.

I know he said that.

It's the greatest flub ever.

Quick, somebody arrest that old man.

He's punching my eardrums.

As my bonus action, I harness divine power.

Whisper it.

No, I don't do that.

As a harness, I steps of night as a bonus action.

When you're in dim light or darkness, you can magically give yourself a flying speed equal to your walking speed for one minute.

I can do this three times so i use that so i'm now i'm flying my phone just luring me there's loud noise nearby did it really now i'm flying

barnie now he goes

and mini

and and he he he goes now into diagonal upwards like soaring upwards towards towards the the the fight yeah that's cool if mate can do it i don't see why barny can't when i was a young kid and i was too energetic one of the things my parents would do in order to try to work that out.

I mean, they would literally ask me to do laps around the house just to get my DGS.

Yeah, do we need to do that with Chris?

Chris, do you want to go take a lap?

I'll take a lap around this battle.

Let's go.

Chris, like, knew there was a spite today, and he

was jazzed.

Hey, Chris, I approve.

This is great.

Good.

I like the synergy.

And we're, all right, who's next?

I'm done.

Do you want to treat C to Chris?

I think he does.

Well, so, Gus, you have the floor.

What happens?

You have the floor.

The chair recognizes itself again.

The honorable judge, Gustavo, Dungeon Mister.

Elga, you are up after Elga is chip.

Okay.

So all that's cool.

That's good.

We're all good.

Yeah, we're all good.

Great.

Okay, so Elga has read

the Fang Frost spell.

Oh, right.

You were

that procced?

I had it.

Yeah.

You were just ready for it once.

I'm sorry.

Chris just shot his hand up.

Once the darklings got close.

Yeah.

Did you want to say something?

I was just wondering,

are they now in their turn?

Since I moved 30 feet, are they within my proc?

We'll determine that at the end of their turn, but it would probably be correct.

Okay, okay.

Sorry, Barb.

Are you crying?

Your eyes are watering.

I might be from laughing.

Okay, so Elga has her fang frost ready.

And I believe you were preparing it to go off when the darklings got close to the choke point there in the passageway.

Yes.

Yeah, they are, at this point, I would say they're pretty close.

Metagame-wise, they're going to move past you and like continue their attack into Parish later in the initiative.

So they are as close as they're going to be to you right now.

Okay, it's like by the time it's your next turn, they'll have gone too far.

I'm going to use it now, though.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I would like to cast Cone of Cold.

Yeah.

I guess centered on the area that like a 60-foot cone that I wouldn't hit myself, obviously, but that would try to get the most of them as possible.

As far as the cone goes, you're the tip.

Man.

Right.

If I control water, I'd like to raise the river and then have her freeze it.

I'd raise the river.

Make a wall.

That'd be cool.

Good one, Barney.

That was Chris.

Good one, Christopher.

Happy birthday.

We're all really happy for you.

All right.

So a blast of cold air erupts from your hands, and each creature in a 60-foot cone must make a constitution saving throw.

They take cold damage.

8d8 cold damage.

Whoa!

A creature killed by the spell becomes a frozen statue until it thaws.

Metal.

Which is pretty cool.

It is pretty awesome.

Thank you, Chris.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Wow, he's hyping me up, too.

I think it's a good move.

Thank you.

All right, and the...

Have a taking on the graphs after the show.

Okay.

So it's a Constitution save.

Let's see here.

I don't think you have a save in here typically, do you?

Me?

Or who are you talking to?

Yeah, you.

i don't think i'd have to do anything oh i see i see it's in here dc 13 constitution i was just curious what the number yeah sorry yeah it's 13.

okay their constitution is not great plus one so they need 12 or better and how many are there there are

about 20.

oh so are you gonna have to roll 20 yes sorry that's good this might be this could be like one of the biggest attacks we've had so far in the in our in this campaign as far as damage could be yeah i don't know 88 is Yeah, but 8d8 across 20 players, though.

Sure.

You could just like, this could be

a fantasy nuclear bomb.

A little Boppenheimer.

So basically, anything that's like 12 or below.

Yeah.

Nine of them save.

And I think they still take damage, even if they save.

I believe it's half.

Yeah.

So go ahead and roll your 8d8 damage.

And I just do it once and they all take the same.

Yeah.

I assume you don't want to roll 160d8.

64, 64.

Get it, come on.

8d8.

35.

That's above half of what you could have potentially gotten.

Yeah.

Do they have more than 35 life?

If not, then you just killed 11.

Yeah.

I'm just doing some quick math here.

They'll erect a statue here to commemorate

their own statue.

Yeah, 11 die.

How long does the statue last?

I mean, I don't know.

That's a good question because

until it thaws.

Until it thaws.

I imagine it's pretty cold down here, right?

Yeah, it's going to be a little while.

Yeah.

And also, just perish.

I wonder that, again, we're talking about an impasse that's a bottleneck.

Am I slowing down?

Yeah, just a wall of people.

Wall of frozen little kids.

Plus, I mean, think of

the psychic damage, the damage to their,

you know,

the morale.

There's the morale.

Think about that.

Sorry.

Sorry.

10 hours later.

I had a lot of coffee today.

Or not at all.

I didn't.

I did.

I can feel the coffee energy in this room.

It smells like caffeine in here.

I can taste it.

Yeah, your cone of cold originates out and then radiates out from Fang Frost in a conical shape out in front of you, catching most of the darklings by surprise, freezing all 20 of them in place with looks of horror on their face.

Heck yeah.

Think about the morale.

So they're all frozen.

I'm sorry, did I say darklings?

I meant haglings.

Hagglings.

Yeah.

It was a horde of haglings.

So half that damage was enough to freeze the other nine?

Okay, cool.

What's the most embarrassing pose?

Which one of them was just 20?

What are they doing?

One of them was picking its nose.

So, wait, did the cone hit where it blocked it?

They're still, I think I'm still between them and the choke point, right?

Yeah,

it wasn't totally the perfect position.

It was pretty close, but not quite to where it blocks everything in.

That's pretty good, though.

Can we make this like a domino situation?

We push one and then it kills all the other ones.

And then, how close am I now to Barney?

Barney, did you fly your full?

You moved towards the witch.

Yeah, you flew like at a diagonal up, right?

So he flew 30 feet on the hypotenuse.

How many times are we going to do the Pythagorean theorem in this?

Oh, my God.

He's about...

He's up in the air, 30 feet diagonally from you.

30 feet up in the air.

Oh, he's 30 feet away.

Is that C?

You saw for C?

That is C.

C is 30 in this case.

So he's 30 feet away from me.

Correct.

So I'm within 30 feet of Barney, which means I would get the

10-page feet.

it.

Right below him, but don't look directly up.

You could also advance if you wanted.

I guess I'll go closer to the hags as well.

I just meant that you could advance and you still get the benefit.

Yeah.

Now, when Barney floats, does he have a flying motion?

Or is this just like you're dragging a PNG in Photoshop and he's just still holding onto his walker in the exact same way he was standing?

He's a walker.

Yeah.

But legs kick.

Oh.

So it's like, it's kind of like a weird ET.

Do you know how I genuinely pictured it the first time you did it?

Was that, you guys remember in the old Disney Peter Pan when Tinker Bell drops pixie dust on Nana, the dog, but only gets her butt?

Yeah.

And so then she's just flying out of her butt.

That's how I would imagine as Barney's holding his walker.

It's just his arms or something.

So yeah, I want to move a little closer to the hags, but still within 30 feet of Barney.

So do you move your full movement or how far do you move?

How if I moved my full movement of 40 feet, how close would that get me to them you're still you were probably in the same position barney was initially so you know i said he was about 80 feet away from them okay i'll move the full full for 40 oh my god i will move the full 40 feet first try say that 10 times roll faster yes good uh and then i could i also rage absolutely okay i will also rage

I like the sequence of events.

It's that you did all that and then move 40 feet and then you just start screaming in anger.

It's good intimidation.

I think Elga's at the top of the KD ladder.

Yes.

For this campaign.

Anything else, Elga?

No, I will end my turn there.

All right.

So I get 10 temp agents.

No, you get 9 because I rolled a 3.

He rolls it every time.

You have to roll for everyone.

Yeah, so it's fine.

Thank you.

All right.

Chip, you're up, then a bunch of NPCs, and then Mateet.

If I were to cover the Hag Eye to prevent it from seeing, do I perceive if they can, like, know the location?

Because this is going to impact whether or not I can hide from them effectively.

make a narcana check please come on

you're like a plus on intelligence one plus four yeah that is a

12 what if you stab the hag eye

ow

it's their third eye yeah you're right

you think that the magics of the hag eye it's like a medieval air tag that uh they can they can still uh they know where it is

sensory just knowing if i stuffed stuffed it in my own underoos they're still gonna going to know.

They're going to see something, but they're also going to know.

Even if it's like in a sack or dark,

they would know more or less where it is.

They have a good idea of it.

So I'm assuming that if I do what Chris mentions and I stab it,

is that an action?

Give it a attack it?

Yeah, because it says it's a Hagye has AC-10, 1 HP.

What happens if Chip puts it in the...

the bum bag?

Oh.

It still tracks my location.

Yeah, it's an extra-dimensional space, but it's still held within Chip's person, like in

his area.

Can I perceive if there's airplane mode?

Do you have a lead box you can put it in?

Is there a way that I can get rid of this thing without blowing my turn?

Yeah, throw it.

Drop it.

Well,

is he going to count that as a bonus action or something?

No, I think that'd be like a...

Just to throw the hag guy?

Come on, Gus.

Come on, Gus.

Or stat it.

But that's a turn, though.

That's true.

You don't think it's worthy of an action?

That's how little you think of it?

Just drop it.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

I'm still going to see.

So maybe if I drop it like face down or something.

Drop it.

How far away am I from Shrivy's Cage?

Drop it and then move.

And as you move, you step on it.

That's a good call.

I like that.

I can't.

How can I do it?

Because then he can't say that that's an attack.

Yeah, I just happen to be there.

I'm not sure if I can get him to tripped over it.

Which is easy.

Yeah.

I'm just going to be stomping.

And if you happen to get in the way, that's your own fault.

Yeah, you haven't ever specified how do you step forward.

You know, are you tiptoeing?

Are you walking?

Are you a member of the Ministry of Funny Walks?

How far am I from Trivy's cage?

So let me take a look.

Kip's a stomper.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I'm actually a rogue, so I would be like tiptoeing and not anything.

You had moved a little bit.

You hadn't double moved, you had done a normal move, right?

Or a single move?

I think I did a move.

If I had double moved, then I wouldn't have been able to hide.

So I moved and hid.

Okay, so you're about there.

And my movement speeds, I think, third.

You're the worst person to have had that hagi, huh?

For stomping, yeah.

Because being secretive and

for hiding.

I'm like, come look at me.

I'm like, Come find me.

From where you are, the cage is probably, I'd say, between 40 to 50 feet away.

Okay.

So if I were to, like, unsheath my

arm of blurbling onto the eye, are we going to count that as an attack?

Could I just stab this thing, but like, not make it an attack?

Because Chris's birthday.

Unless it's something you need.

You could do it at disadvantage.

Because how did you get the eye?

You said you could do a disadvantage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll do that.

I'll do that.

No, you can do it normal.

I just wanted to see if you would accept that.

If you accepted it, yeah.

I'll take disadvantaging day because I got lucky.

How did we get that eye again?

Could you remind me how we got that eye?

I got it from.

Did Shivy give it to me?

It'll be your third eye blind if you blind it.

Chris got to get it.

Get out of here.

Leave the room.

He is on the ball.

Thanks for listening, everyone.

We're done.

I'm done.

Now, how do we get it?

I want to say it was when we had Lewis turn sides with us.

Shivy might have given it to us then.

Because I feel like Shivy is on our side.

So is it something we have?

keep

unless she's tricking us oh

because we we put they put they put her in the cage but they know we could see

yeah what

what it was to trick us yeah but what does her being in the cage have to do it

it makes us think that she was in trouble and that she was on our side we need to go ahead oh now we need to protect the ivy i still think i'm still opting for saving shy v you do you so okay i want to i want to i want to kill the the eye i want to stab it Okay.

You said you want to attack at disadvantage.

Yeah, and that's not going to be my main attack, is it?

It's just because I'm just, you know.

Yeah.

Wait, so Shidy gave us the eye.

So is she just shv?

You get out with Chris.

You pull it really good.

You're good, guys.

That was really good.

That's an 18.

Did you want me to do disadvantage?

No, no.

Okay, it's a good joke.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

Okay, so I stabbed the eye.

Oh, I guess I'll do damage even though it's like 1D.

It's a 1 HP.

That's a 7.

That was good.

Yeah, that was disgusting.

You're welcome.

You're squelched.

You have a bright career in Foley ahead of you.

Yeah, that and bra strap snapping.

You deploy your arm blade of blurbling onto the hag eye, and it shatters.

And as it does so, each member of the coven yells out in pain and

holds their eyes.

And also does two damage of poison because my arm blade of blurbling has been.

Do you think you can poison a stone?

I don't know.

Hey, I'm just giving you numbers.

You do with them what you want.

I'm pretty sure a rock is immune to poison.

Here's the thing.

So I was thinking maybe if maybe it's like a voodoo doll where it transfers the damage.

Anyway, so all of them just go, ow.

Yeah.

Is it their third eye that causes them pain?

They put their hands to their face in the eye region.

You're not exactly sure where.

Okay.

So this is a whole three stooges thing we got going here.

Don't.

Hey, they weren't expecting that.

All right, so that happens.

I discard the

stone because whatever and then uh shy be's in the middle with them no no right

yeah she's not in the middle but her cage has moved over she's on the edge she's with them but she's on the edge of the roof correct yeah yeah i guess i'm just trying to say like if she so she's already there i was gonna try to intercept her if she was still in transit i wonder how so is she like floating at the top of the cage because the cage that's what i was saying i don't know if the cage is floating or if shy be's floating in the cage just happens to be with it on the long why would she be on the top of the cage like

She's floating, she's carrying the cage.

I see.

I see.

I didn't understand your question earlier.

I understand.

More of a Magneto and the X-Men animated shot.

I think that's more like floating.

Maybe you could jump to the cage.

That's what I'm thinking.

Yeah.

Okay, it's 15 feet in the air and a certain distance away from you.

Correct.

I have a.

What's my jump?

Wait, what kind of jumps?

What kind of ups do I got, huh?

Is this a space jam situation?

Am I a dunker?

Half your movement?

Are you trying to jump straight up or what?

Because there's different rules depending on what what you're trying to do.

I think I want to make my way over to the cage, jump onto the cage, and then lockpick the cage.

Okay, so we would say that that's the high jump.

So you're trying to jump

up into the air.

Yeah.

The rules say you can jump into the air a number of feet equal to three plus your strength modifier.

Three plus my strength modifier.

My strength modifier being, is it 15?

No, your modifier.

That's your modifier.

Plus two.

So five.

Five feet.

You can do a five foot high jump if you move at least 10 feet on foot immediately before the the jump.

Higher than you can jump, Blaine.

Hold on.

Oh, that's not.

I have boots on.

I have boots on.

Five feet is really high.

Five feet would be like clearing my shoulder.

Right.

I could do that.

I don't think so.

Yeah, if I had the right shoes on, I could do that.

So, how high is the cage?

It's about 15 feet.

What's your carrying load right now?

Can you do it with your carrying load?

No, you're light because you're a rogue.

So I will say, it also says, in some circumstances, your DM might allow you to make an athletics check to jump higher than you normally can.

Well, about three times as higher?

But

so he jumps five feet, but that's what his feet clear.

You actually have your body and your arms extended above that.

So you can reach above you a distance equal to the height of the jump plus one and a half times your height.

So how tall is Chip?

He's tall.

He's like 5'10.

Okay, so I'm gonna be honest with you, but then you think about his arm rate.

So then, yeah, so let's say if that was six, he could reach nine plus five is 14.

You're only a foot short.

What about my tails?

My tail?

And then he's

got a spin.

Yeah, why don't you, if you describe it for me vividly, then you can make an athletics check to see if you can eke out that extra.

Okay, first of all, it's not from in place.

I'm getting a running jump.

And if there's any train, I try to look for any sort of raised ground to get some extra distance up.

How I imagine this is that this is you, Chip, approaching the whole thing.

And then off screen, a voice, the narrator, talks.

And so Chip like pulls like a, what's his face from saved by the bell?

Everything pauses and he turns and he's explaining this to the to the narrator.

Yeah.

So I'm looking for raised ground.

I'm out.

Yeah.

And I'm going to, because I also have my tail, I'm going to use that as like kind of an extra push, like a third leg to push me off the ground.

And yeah, I'm going to reach out with my arms

and, oh, I mean, I'll yell while I do it because that gives me extra distance.

Oh, for sure.

All right, yeah, go ahead and make an athletic check.

Let's see if you're able to get that extra foot you need.

I used to go bouldering with Blaine a lot and he would scream every time he approached.

It's a

12.

That's above average.

But I have a lucky.

But do I fail?

Actually, does Lucky Lucky let you know?

Does Lucky let you know?

You have three luck points per long rest.

Whenever you make an attack, roll, an ability check, or saving throw.

You can spend one to roll an additional T20 and choose which die to use.

You can choose to spend luck points after you roll the die, but before the outcome is.

He got to the bad part.

12.

It's worth it to me.

Yeah, I'm going to re-roll that, I guess.

Okay.

And then you get to choose, because that's one of the things that's better.

Sure.

So what was it?

Strength?

Athletics.

Six.

How was it?

So 12.

So 12.

12's not bad.

Do you want to use another lucky?

I think

he's.

Oh, he might be late.

He might be fading you.

Yeah, 12's fine.

I told you.

I told you.

In my head, since it's only a foot, I was like, if you get 11 or higher, I was going to give it to you.

I know.

That's not high.

I wish you just wasted all this levels.

And you're like, you're fine with a 12.

God.

Gus wishes that too.

Yeah, you extend

just a little extra,

something

gives you a little extra bounce in your step, and you're able to jump up into there and grab on firmly to the cage.

I feel like you do the thing where barely the fingers from one arm are able to latch on.

Yeah.

And then you're able to pull your other arm up and make yourself a little more solid on it.

That's exactly how I tore my bicep in real life.

And while this happened, Barney goes, wow.

And he's like amazed while flying through the air.

I'm below you.

Barney, you're watching from up there?

What?

Okay, so then I climb and then I want to use my thieves' tools to try to pick the lock to get Shidy out.

Okay, make a slight of hand, check.

Slight of hand, okay.

Oh, 19 plus 8, 27.

Oh, yeah.

That's like nothing.

Yeah, you're able to, you know, finagle the lock with your tools and get it open.

Okay, what do I have left?

Because I've done a lot.

So I'm just going to let you tell me what, if I have a bonus action, if I have any remaining movement speed, because there's so you...

You did that, you jumped.

I'll say you still have an action if you want it.

Generous God, he is.

He is, he is, he is.

You've been doing really well.

Okay.

I want something cool I could do.

I mean, if I'm already up there, I want to jump from the cage onto one of the other hags if they're in distance and just give them a stab.

What the heck?

I mean, let's make this a real cinematic moment.

I mean, what the heck?

What the heck?

Hey, hey, why not?

Duh.

Before you make your leap and do all of that, I want you to make me a perception check.

Here we go.

It's a

one.

T minus one.

Maybe now would be a good like.

You're facing backwards.

You think now's a good lucky?

I mean, you do you, but

it's totally up to you.

It's whatever you want.

I just can't believe.

I feel like you always roll a one for perception.

How does that always happen?

Because

I have negative modifiers.

Blaine wants to perceive everything.

So whenever he actually needs to roll for perception.

When you perceive everything, you perceive nothing.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm going to roll.

I'm going to roll another perception with Lucky.

Poop.

I hate.

It's a one.

It's a one.

You rolled a two again.

You have one more Lucky.

You have one more.

Yeah, dude.

Dude, I never get to use Luckies in combat.

It's always in stupid situations.

He's gonna tell me, your shoes aren't tied.

Last lucky.

This one's gonna be in

20.

I feel like a dude in Vegas losing everything on slots.

It's my last quarter.

Chip needs a new pair of shoes.

19, minus 1, 18.

Yes!

There you go.

Yes, sweaty.

Why did I wear overalls?

Gus is like, one was enough.

Look like a long joint silver.

One was all you needed, actually.

All you need is one.

You know, you're preparing to make your jump, jump, you know, over to the hags, but something catches your eye, and something tells you that maybe you shouldn't jump.

Something in the cage catches your eye.

Oh.

What is in the cage?

Shivy.

Right.

Okay.

Shivy, get out of here, you big dumb idiot.

We gotta go.

The door's open.

Go!

What are you standing around for?

Go.

Go!

So, um, uh,

maybe it's like the dimly lit light or the way that the fire reflects off of Shaivi's face, but she looks very familiar to you, and you think you see the face of your missing wife.

Are you kidding me?

And Shivi's facade and her face slowly dissolves and fades to the familiar face of Carol.

What?

Wait!

I'm gonna cry.

Wait, wait, is this an illusion?

What does this mean?

Uh, okay.

Oh, well, he's hanging on this cage.

She holds up a finger to her mouth like a shh motion.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Find out what that means in the next episode.

No.

No.

Oh, my God.

I know, based on our recording time, that is not true.

I was watching.

You couldn't even say that without laughing.

There's Micah's suggestion.

That's a good one.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I wish.

I...

Oh, this is heartbreaking.

I give her a knowing nod.

Very subtle.

I was like, oh, I want to reach out.

She's right there.

I nod her.

No, I can't.

Doesn't want to blow copper.

Chip knows how to keep this cool.

He's been in, but this might be a different situation.

Chip, are you crying out there?

No!

It's the hags.

They smell like onions.

So stinky by...

Don't worry.

Okay.

Flain just screamed like a banshee at rolling a one and then proceed to say Chip knows how to hold on to his

chest

okay i'm gonna i'm gonna give a knowing nod and then i'm gonna use cunning action to go into hide okay and you're gonna stay in the cage or what's your plan there actually no if i have an action remaining i'm just i'm gonna pull shy be out of the cage Actually, like, while I'm disengaging from the cage, I'm gonna pull her with my tail, and then I'm just to get her out of there, and then I'm gonna go into hiding.

And this is like a very difficult moment for Chip.

So you're pulling her out and then jumping back to the ground?

Yes.

Okay.

make a athletics check to see just if you get if you're able to land a few feet under you because i got nothing left that's a oh my god 12.

yeah that's fine okay you uh pull shy be slash carol out with you and jump to the ground below and then uh and then yeah she's not floating anymore no she is out of the cage okay and not floating and then i i i go into hiding okay then that's it for your turn i yeah i i feel like i've used enough but i don't know you tell me otherwise it's her her initiative is actually right after yours it's her turn so as you're getting ready to hide, she hands you a bottle with some liquid in it.

Here, take this.

Okay.

What is it?

Can't you perceive?

Yeah.

I don't know.

One.

It's a bottle of hidey and cure.

I suspect you're gonna need it.

Hiding and cure?

Heidi and cure.

Heidi and cure.

That sounds like a dragged queen.

What does that do?

Wait, a dragged queen?

Dragged queen.

Dragon queen, which is this universe's version.

It's a restorative elixir that one of your friends might later.

Oh, she's telling me this.

I'm trying to keep the act up, you know?

Like not, you know.

Yeah, she's like whispering it, but like keeping it real, real quiet.

Okay.

Well, I'm still going to just keep it kind of cold and calculated because obviously I don't want to blow her cover and I don't know what their powers are and how much information she shares unknowingly to them.

Yeah.

So I take it and then, yeah, I guess I'm just going to run and hide.

As you're hiding, I want you to make one more perception check for me.

13.

Okay.

As you, you know, step step away and you begin hiding, you feel like some shuffling around near your bag.

All right, I check my bag.

It seems like Carol stashed something in there.

God, she's quick.

She's good.

Oh, she's good.

What is it?

Maybe you find out later.

No.

You're in a hurry.

You're trying to play it cool.

All right.

All right.

All right.

Well, then, yeah, I've gone into hiding.

That way I can calculate my next attack.

This is also just like me just getting a layer of the battlefield.

I'm following her lead at this point.

So I feel like she'll communicate whatever she needs to us.

So I'm just like going into hiding and calculating our next steps, my next steps.

Okay.

See, what else is Shivi going to do on her turn?

But also tearing up, big gun.

Like, this is a big deal.

Now you can hide and cry.

I asked earlier if she was, if it was her, she's good.

She's good.

If that's really her.

Did she smell like her?

Shivy moves away from the other members of the coven, putting some distance between them.

Ask about the smell.

Does she smell like Carol?

Make a

sentence to isolate of just Chris saying

ask about the smell

Chris Demaris who still whispers while we're all connected

as though only Blaine was gonna hear that whisper It's a tin but I could do advantage because you know smell is the strongest sense connected to memory

It's hard to tell just because there are fires and there's a pile of corpses not too far away in the southeast corner of this cave I also might have farted a little bit whenever I was surprised to see that my wife was there, so that might have also blended.

I do do that sometimes.

Yeah, yeah.

Do do.

Yeah, Shaibi moves to the southeast a bit, trying to put distance between herself and the other hags.

Okay.

I feel like that should have been more of an emotional beat, but because she was like,

you're mid-battle, yeah, you did.

Yeah.

That's the life I came with.

That's the life we chose.

He went

Italian?

Yeah, it's the eternal monologue of chips.

He even brought his hand down and did that little hand motion.

Why is your lip quivering?

Why is the tip of your nose all red?

Why are your eyes so shiny?

Trying to hide.

And Elga's just pointing at a bush saying, chip!

And then Shivi also appears, you know, moves away a little bit of a distance and appears to disappear before your eyes.

Oh, and here she goes again.

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My boy.

The Alchemist's turn.

Oh.

Alchemist is there.

Wait.

But he's very tired.

He's very weak.

He can't do much.

Was Chip within 30 feet?

No, Chip would not have been within 30 feet of you.

He's still very exhausted.

He's going to do his best to try to help.

He's going to give a help action to Mateed.

Nice.

So, Mate, you'll have advantage on

a check or something during your turn.

Oh my God, we left on Mated underground.

Oh no.

Mate, he's just tired of ground.

Mate, Matid.

It's just like clipped through, and like, you know, when you play in a video game and you just get stuck in a wall,

I'm glitched.

Then it's the cavalry, they're positioning themselves to try to stop the advance of the invaders as they head to perish.

To any of them within 30 feet of me, a lot of them would be within 30 feet of you.

Probably all of them would be within 30 feet of you.

So roll at the end of their turn.

Yeah, that's where they'll end their turn.

Just roll once for them, and I'll apply it to all of them.

Shoot.

That's a

one plus six.

So seven to all of them and I guess the alchemist if they're close enough.

Yeah, I'll say they are.

Okay.

Or was I Cavalier?

All right, Skitch.

Skitch is in the trap.

Skitch looks at you, Barney.

Yes.

And points out like a finger at you and mutters some arcane words.

You hurt Sash!

Make me a wisdom saving throw.

Well, it was 22.

Never mind.

Maybe I shouldn't have targeted you.

Okay.

You feel like your joints kind of like become stiff and difficult to move, but maybe feel like a little touch of the rheumatoid arthritis.

But you're able to work it out.

Bing gay.

No, icy hot.

We're very clear about that.

We take the icy hot money here.

Yeah.

Well, please sponsor.

Please sponsor my hot.

That'd be a weird podcast sponsor, but I'm for it.

Yeah.

Hey, if they get Shaq, they can get us, you know?

All the big names in the industry.

Shaq, Barbara Dunkelman.

I was going to say Stinky Dragon.

Can I try to get out of your spell?

Can I like restaurant?

No.

I think you're trapped in it.

I hate you, Chris.

Yes.

We always know it's something good if Gus says he hates us.

Yeah, I'm really having to reread that.

Okay, all right, fine.

That's it for

sketch then.

I just wish you had one of those little party hats right now, just to add insulting.

A little kazoo.

Mateed, you're up, then some NPCs, and then we're gonna go back to the top with Barton.

And don't forget, you have advantage because of the help help action from the Alchemist.

Yeah.

I'm just curious.

I'm not upset or anything.

I'm actually just curious to number.

How long have we been recording?

A little over an hour.

Okay, hour 18 of recording.

One of our party members hasn't done anything yet.

That's not true.

You've been in the ground.

Let's say it.

I haven't taken damage.

I haven't.

No, I took damage last recording.

You're meditating.

You're preparing for battle.

Yeah, yeah.

You should be so ready.

I feel like that should be just noted as like a record of time where like literally I haven't talked to anybody as Mateet.

I haven't moved.

What will Matee do?

Find out when he next episode

of the sticky dragon.

But Mate is, like, the weapon, like, has the weapon that is, like, supposed to be the crux of this battle.

And Matit's just in the ground.

Yeah.

They're waiting to spring.

They just leave Chekhov's gun just in the ground for an hour and a half.

It's great.

I mean, you're going to have the coolest, scariest entrance.

You should be proud of that.

Okay, so I am in the ground, which also means did not see any of this.

You're gonna come out.

Whoa, whatever.

Mate's also like someone who's like very mindful and probably took a very vivid mental image, you know, as they were about to do like this like underground maneuver.

And I did like stop right underneath where Shaivi was.

And then that mental image is broken.

So let's just say, for starters, I pop my head out and just take a second.

Wait, wouldn't you come out doing an action?

No, what I thought was, is like Mate would still be coming out out cautiously because mateed was trying to be uh like sneaky correct i think mateed's goal was to try to get under the cage and like pop a head up correct yeah so peek out and what i want to see now that i realize shy's not above me is where i so shivy's gone because shivy seemingly disappeared you can make a perception check to see if you can figure that out i'd love to mud was like you i know 19.

Do I see the sneaky?

No, you can't quite seem to figure out out where Shivy is.

You can see that the cage has moved and the cage is open, but you cannot see where Shaivi is.

Okay.

Good.

First question.

How far is the closest hag?

This would be the one that's probably not in Barney's magic circle.

Correct.

Which is Shirock?

That is Shirock.

From where you are, not that far, because

you have a lot of movement.

Yeah.

So from where you are.

He's got his fingers against the screen.

He's measuring.

About 30 feet.

30 feet.

That's fantastic.

I know that always cracks John up.

That's the easiest, quickest way because sometimes it's like it's at a diagonal.

It's hard to see.

I measure like an unknown quantity, and then like,

what is that called?

Is that just called a compass?

A compass, yeah.

I'll show you the map, John.

You can see it.

It's not a waffle.

Just in case.

Yeah, you know.

Are you floating by?

Also, that's a cage, not a waffle.

That's the flower.

Or a sewer grate.

And a broccoli at the end of the river.

Is that going to be our like Twitter

header?

We should print that out as a flag that we can sell in the story.

Oh no, please don't spend your money on it.

Map of battlefield.jpg.

The two hags, when they my gosh, I didn't see any of this, so I don't, I want to still play this in character.

Is there any way for Mati to tell, I guess I've done this.

I want to know if like the hags need to be in proximity to each other in order to continue to be overpowered or doing what they're doing.

Yeah, based on what you heard from, I believe it it was the alchemist before, and also from Jacques, actually, when you were in Australia, was that they are most powerful when they are within close proximity to each other.

Great.

Then, since they don't know where I am, I'm being sneaky.

Would I be able to approach Shirock not in their line of sight?

Yeah, you'd have to make like a sneak roll or something to try to do that.

Could I do that?

Yeah.

Sure.

Is that stealth?

Stealth.

Stealth.

Yeah, I said sneak.

Stealth.

That's a nine.

You don't want to give me advantage for being in the ground for the last hour and 20 minutes.

You're so sneaky.

Sure, why not?

Oh, he's a...

You also could, don't forget, you also have an assist action from The Alchemist.

Oh.

Oh, I could.

But you just said yes.

Yeah, but I couldn't hear it.

So I'm going to keep all my little bonuses.

Make us chuckle and you'll get in his previous.

Yeah, I don't actually have one.

24.

24.

I'm going to roll a perception check for Shirock to see.

Me and John,

I can't hear you right now.

Sorry, I'm constraining my rolls bracelet.

We don't have inspiration dice.

If you want to give us a...

Shirock does not seem to be aware of you as you close the distance.

Oh, look at Matie.

He just got on Matisse's best side.

He just did.

He just did.

Great.

Then I would like to use the tuning fork of banishment and cast banishment on Shirock.

Oh, interesting.

That's smart.

Because then...

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, they just...

All three separated.

Yeah.

Hey.

We're doing great, guys.

Snapping?

What are you doing?

You know?

It's like slam poetry.

By the way, I just have to point this out.

When the tuning fork of banishment is in my inventory, it weighs 10 pounds.

It's a tank.

Is that one of those big, like...

I've made a joke when you suggested we add the crowbar to it, but I think it weighs as much as a crowbar.

Well, hey, go figure it.

Here we go.

It's a trident.

So

in order to utilize the tuning fork, you concentrate and visualize on the attuned plane.

Australia.

Yeah, and once the attunement has been complete, the tuning fork grants the ability to cast banishment on one creature to that plane.

Spell save DC is eight plus spellcasting ability modifier plus proficiency bonus.

That should be pretty beefy.

Your proficiency bonus is three, so that's eleven.

Your spell casting ability modifier is

so you're determining the role that they would have to be?

Correct.

Got it.

Hey, you're learning DD.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So monks don't necessarily have a spellcasting DC.

You use your key save DC in that case.

Which is, I seem to think, I remember it being a 20.

Plus 20.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that that's the number it goes.

14.

Ah, good luck.

Shirk or whatever her name was.

Shirock.

Shirock.

Like the dinosaur hunter.

Like someone, like a fancy Shrek.

It was almost a 19.

And then it

rolled over to a 3.

Ooh, so they gave me a fan.

It was a failure.

Yeah.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Say hello to Jacques.

Is that what you say?

Yeah.

And then you're like,

yeah.

Shirock disappears from existence.

I like to imagine the astral plane.

Jacques is there just

ready to unload.

Like a monk with all the astral arms extended and all of them.

Like

six arms just all.

Just a tense g'day, mate.

Wow, okay.

Let me make a note of that.

Today's not going to be a good day, mate.

How you going?

All right.

Anything else for you, Mateed?

Let's see.

The way that my turn works is that that's my attack, but I get two attacks per turn.

So you'd have another one.

Mateed does a little finger crack and just goes, all right, let's get this started.

And

I'd like to...

How close am I to Skitch now?

Oh, very close.

Within 10 feet.

Wonderful.

Then I would like to use a sling of sandstorms.

Thank you.

Blaine, you fell in.

We're off.

We're off our day.

I was even waiting for it.

I almost did before you said, let's get this started.

I almost go.

And I'd like to...

I want to use Ancient Sands on the Sling of Sandstorms, which is I can expend one to three charges before I make an attack roll on a successful attack.

The damage is increased by 1d4 force damage for each charge you expend.

I will use, let's just, let's drive it like we stole it.

I'm going to do a three.

Whoa.

Ooh.

So this then is an attack with a sling of sandstorms.

I'm going to roll for the attack right now.

That is 26.

Believe it or not, that hits.

Do I have to use my advantage at the first attack that the what's his face gave me, or can I hold on to it when I want to use it?

You can you can hold on to it, it will expire after this turn for you because every turn he designates someone you to help.

I still got more things to do.

I've been waiting, I've been just chilling underground.

Great.

So, then first, this is gonna proc a few things.

One, we're gonna proc damage, so I'm gonna do that plus

three d4.

I'm gonna roll my d4 14

damage.

Force damage.

Four damage.

No way.

What that is also going to proc, and let me know if I'm stacking too many things.

But the, since I use a sling of sandstorm, it uses the sling bullets of walloping.

This is the episode where John remembers all of his inventory.

If this was like, let's say, a firearm, it's like you're strapping on like a scope and then a laser pointer and then a new magazine filled with special bullets.

Onto a sling.

Yeah, yeah.

What's the gun in fifth element?

The one that that he's just showing off.

Yeah,

it does everything.

I don't know what it's called.

I just saw that scene the other day.

I can't remember, though.

It's a great scene.

This ammunition packs a wall up.

A creature hit by the bullet must succeed in a DC10 strength saving throw or be knocked prone.

Okay, that's not terrible.

No, it's not.

DC10.

I've only got a plus one, so I need a nine or better.

I roll a one.

That's wonderful.

I just saw Gus's eyes die.

Dead eyes.

I just saw

what was remaining of your soul from

this battle just left and it's gone.

So you are not prone.

Yep.

Skitch is prone.

Let me write that down.

Okay, I'm going to use...

What should I do?

Don't made up for not having a turn all episode and now is doing eight turns.

Yep.

There's a reason why I forget to use all these things.

I have a lot of items and every single one of them has multiple things they do.

And so I often just go, I'm not reading all these.

I'm just going to kick everything.

We've all played many RPGs where that happens.

Where you're carrying like seven swords and you're like, if I meet a fire creature, I'm going to use this one.

And you just forget.

Nope.

It's like the same one all the time.

Yeah.

What's the modifiers that prone does to them?

A prone creature's only movement option is to crawl, unless it stands up.

The creature has disadvantage on attack rolls, and an attack roll against the creature has advantage if the attacker is within five feet of the creature.

Otherwise, the attack roll has disadvantage.

So this

skibby or whatever has double disadvantage now.

Skitch.

Skitch.

On attack roll.

They're in the circle.

Oh, yeah.

Disadvantage.

I forgot.

I'm just beating down a hag that's already at disadvantage.

Yeah.

The one that went to the Australian plane got it easy.

Okay, cool.

Then, yeah, I'm going to use patient defense because it worked out so well in that fight we had a couple episodes ago.

And I'm going to use one key point to take the dodge action as a bonus action.

Okay.

I think dodge is an underappreciated.

Oh,

listening to the episode, it's the only reason I was able to make it through that many rounds.

Well, I think it's tough because you have to proactively, on your turn, think about getting attacked on the other side.

That's what I've learned about playing a monk:

I was like, oh, yeah, I can use Flurry of Blows for bonus actions.

Like, you actually have a lot of things for bonus actions, so watch what you're going to do.

So, I'm going to do that and just say,

things are getting rough.

It's a sandstorm.

Mate's taking all sorts of forms.

Don't look now.

Here comes the swarm.

It's swarm.

Start to heat up.

It's getting warm.

It has a sandstorm.

It's a rhyming website up on this computer on the work center.

Not

or different.

It's not the norm.

You know, some might even say it's an art form.

Anyways.

That's very nice.

I want that.

Could we extend that silence in posts?

Don't shout.

I don't think you need to.

Mom, spaghetti.

Can we take a break?

I need to go to the bathroom, maybe go for a walk.

Let's just leave this in the attic.

We're going to take a break.

My entire life has led to this.

All right.

It is Shirock's turn, but you banished Shirock.

So Shirock's not here, man.

And I threw a rock at them.

Did you?

So that's the slings of Sandstorm.

It's just a...

Oh, no, you, you, this, Shirock, you banished

with the tuning fork.

Yeah, you threw a rock at Skitch.

Skitch, thank you.

It'd be cool if, like, while the portal was closing, though, just the rocks came in.

Ow!

I cast banishment, just kicked him into the banishment.

This is protest.

All right, it is the horseman's turn.

After the horseman will be Barney.

Oh, he's still around.

Yeah, the horseman is still around.

Wait, the headless horseman?

Yeah, he was there.

He's there.

And the curse or whatever hasn't been broken now that one of them is missing and one of them's not running.

It does not appear.

So is Mateed within 30 feet of Barney?

No, Mateed's far away.

Okay.

The horseman's gonna make a check to see if he can figure out where Chip is.

He doesn't need to bother that.

He's going to try.

He's not going to.

He doesn't see Chip.

So since Chip's not there, Mateed is the next closest person.

About 15 feet in the sky.

Oh, you're in the sky.

Well, he's on a horse.

Okay.

He looks at you with...

Very, very tall horse.

Yeah.

Long legs.

Giraffe.

He gazes at you with malice in his eyes, Mateed.

Not the gaze.

Make a wisdom-saving throw.

Is it malice or attraction?

I thought you were going to go, is it malice or malise?

I have a question about dodge.

Is this something I can dodge?

No.

Okay.

And so what was the saving throw you said?

Wisdom.

Oh, that's only a five.

Did you use the alchemist's assist?

You can still use it because he has not reassigned it.

Why not?

So re-roll one thing?

It was a nine.

Doesn't help me much.

The glare from the horseman strikes at your very core, frightening you.

That's impossible.

I can't be frightened.

You're fearless.

It gives you the frightened status, and you can make another saving throw at the end of your next turn.

Okay.

You have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while the source of fear is within sight, and you can't willingly move closer to the source of your fear.

Okay.

And a little bit of pee-pee came out.

Or as we call it in Paris, we we

all

die.

Is that because the French are European?

Give her one!

Give her one!

She's already got one.

The horseman continues looking at you with anger.

You know, you're just out of his reach, Mate.

And the horse stomps at the ground a little bit and takes to the air, flying up in your direction.

And as he gets closer, the horseman takes a swing at you with his flame blade.

This, I can dodge.

Yes, you can dodge.

Okay.

So I'm going to make an attack at you with disadvantage.

You should do that.

Oh, 10 both times.

That's a 19.

Okay, yeah, that hits.

Okay, the Flame Blade slashes out at you, doing...

Mm-hmm.

Not like the French fried potatoes.

It's a mustard.

It's an old one, man.

Doing...

10 points of slashing down.

Okay.

And 5 points of necrotic dash.

I'm resistance to necrotic damage.

I'll say take half.

Two.

I'll take the two.

I shall take your two.

I shall take your two.

Maybe you can.

And I shall remember it.

I shall remember it forever.

Or, as you say, in Japanese, me.

Alright, that's it for the horseman's turn.

At this point, all the darklings around the cavern begin gathering up together and exiting the cavern, marching off towards the city of Parish.

As they make their way out of the cavern, as they pass each of you, the party members, all of you need to make a dexterity saving throw, except for Matit.

You're in there.

I'm in the air.

Oh, so I guess only Elga makes makes it.

And I need to see if they see Chip.

Yeah, I'm in hiding.

Dex saving, you said?

Yeah.

How close is Elga to me?

Say about 20 feet.

Okay, Nima.

17 for Elga.

Nice.

Not bad.

Roll me a stealth check, Chip.

Okay.

I'm going to roll it at advantage because the sneakers that I have on.

Yep.

That is a 14 and

25.

Okay.

No noise.

They had a good roll on their perception, but you beat them with a 25.

Yeah.

As they are leaving the cavern, they take a few swipes at you Elka with their daggers as they go by.

Wait, who are the people swiping?

The darklings.

Darklings, okay.

I'm imagining it's like a kid, like the line of kids at a soccer game after

I think they're angry because I froze their friends.

Yeah, but you save, so you only take half, and you're raging, so you only take half of that.

Half of that.

Yeah, so they would have done 12 piercing damage, but you save, so you take half, which is six, but you're raging, so you take half of that.

So you take three piercing damage.

Three damage.

And on top of that, six necrotic damage.

I am resistant to necrotic.

Three necrotic damage.

You quartered my damage.

Which I still have 10 HP left because of.

Yeah.

All right.

You barely even scratched the surface.

Dry Arthur.

Barney, you're up.

Whatever happened to the Cavalry?

Oh, that's right.

Actually, because you brought the Cavalry, you do get some reduced damage on that Elga.

What?

So we'll say you actually only take one and one points of damage but the cavalry not gonna do a turn or so i would take two total yeah did they like mow them down like cavalry yeah you're right i actually skipped them um the cavalry acts now Oh, that was their, it was their turn and initiative all along.

Yes, I they weren't supposed to go after the alchemist.

They were supposed to go now.

Yeah.

The cavalry is going, you know, they're going, they're going to try to corral and dispatch the darklings as they make their advance out of the cave to try to keep them from leaving and going out to attack Parrish.

They're trying to stop the invasion here before and contain it.

Before it goes bad.

Yeah, that's cool.

Barney, we're back up to you.

Wait, did they do that?

Yes.

Yes.

Good job, Capillary.

Capillary.

So

how far am I from the cage?

But not the magic circle.

The magic circle that I made that is like a cage.

To catch you to catch you up though, Shivy's out of the cage and just disappear.

No, I know.

I'm thinking

of a circle

that is like a cage.

Oh, even though there's a cage in this room, he's calling something else the cage.

Yeah, got it.

That makes perfect sense.

There's a whole language with different words you can use.

Why use those?

Hold up one second.

Why make it easier for that room?

Let me find words that rhyme with cage.

Stop.

Stop over wrapping.

How far are you from that cage?

Well, you are about trouble gauging it.

Stop.

So you're about 30 feet away.

30 feet away?

Yeah.

All right.

Please.

Barney does.

I couldn't think of a third freaking word.

Wage.

Wage.

Barney catches.

Spirit guardians.

Sage.

Yeah, his wisdom is sage.

And you know what that does?

Yep, the spirit guardians pop out and circle you.

I assume they're doing radiant damage.

Yeah, yeah.

And I don't know.

No, no, no, no, there's no one else.

Who's around me?

Does anyone in around me that hits just off the fifth?

Because then I'm going to move towards the cage.

No, from where you are, where you start start from?

No.

Okay, and you're also in the air, right?

Yeah, okay.

I didn't know if like any of the little guys were below me.

Anyway, I go towards the cage.

Gus is gonna actually make you go towards the cage if you do not call it the property.

The magic circle.

Sorry, I go towards the magic circle.

That is like a cage.

There you go.

I was actually saying that to help you, Chris.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Gus is gonna get so confused.

He's like, fine, go to the empty cage.

What are you gonna do there?

Okay, so you go to Skitch, who is in the magic circle.

Can I do that and pass by the Headless Horseman?

Yeah,

I was going to point that out that you would go by the Headless Horseman.

They get hit with the Spirit Guardians.

And what's the save on that?

Wisdom

17.

Wisdom 17.

So we'll do the Headless Horseman first here, who has a Wisdom plus one.

So he needs a 16 or better.

It's not very wise.

He's got pumpkin for a head.

What do you expect?

He rolled a 10.

He failed.

Dumb.

And then I'll go into the cage.

No.

No.

Sorry, into this circle.

The mid mid-magic circle.

No, wait.

This is an audio podcast.

People can't see the severe confusion Chris had when both Gus and Blaine said no.

He was like, what?

It was so great.

In my head, it's always like, it's like a cage.

Stop saying it then.

I go into the magic circle.

And I presume, by the way, that your path, the way you get there.

Barb, give Chris a treat.

He positive reinforcement is how we get there.

I don't have any sweets for him.

You kind of like skirt the edge of the Spirit Guardian with the Headless Horseman, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's what I assumed.

I just realized I was assuming that, and I wanted to clarify.

Yeah.

And then I go in and I'm like, miss, and now it's a cage match.

I guess.

I'm losing it.

I'm losing over there.

I think we're all losing it.

So now she has to make a wisdom saving throw at double disadvantage.

Pro.

Double D.

I don't know if that affects it.

And the magic circle.

Okay, so a wisdom saving throw.

Yeah, 17.

As she has to be.

But she can't because she's not on her feet.

Hopefully, she's got enough food to eat.

She has a plus four on her wisdom, so she needs a 13 or better.

You're going to play soccer.

You need a cleat.

That's a two, so she rolls a six.

So she fails to save.

Cool.

So I'll roll that now.

Okay.

Three, d8.

Gotta say your skills are elite.

There it is.

Where was this when I had to ride?

You did.

You actually had a spell on you.

You just need that curse energy next to you.

10 points of radiant damage.

Strike skitch.

You rolled 8d8.

3d.

3d.

Okay.

The cone of cold.

I thought she rolled rolled

a 10.

Yeah, that was a good one.

I was like, I mean, she rolled six or

all

ones and then a two?

Something like that.

Actually, not even mathematically possible, is it?

Three d8.

Yeah,

it's radiant damage.

Sorry, I had to do maths real quick.

Two twos.

Sometimes I wonder, like, we're just talking over each other, and it's like, how does Micah edit this?

So what's next, Barney?

How, how, how, how's

Lady

in those magic circle looking?

She's pretty beat up and she's still prone and kind of like reaching around at the ground.

The headless horseman.

Yeah.

Are they within 15 feet of me?

Can I position myself so that he'll be within 15 feet of me and I could be in the magic circle?

Yeah, we'll set it.

I saw you.

If you listen back, you're a little crap before me, James.

I would say no because your movement's only 30.

Okay.

And you use most of that already to get here.

How far away then is the headless horseman?

From where you are, probably

just over 15 feet.

It's like, I'm not doing this to be like me to you.

It's like 17 to 20 feet, something like that.

Just beyond 15.

That's okay.

For my bonus action.

You know, when you're like listening to the radio and it's not quite on the station and it just kind of like divs in and out and you kind of

dip and dip.

It's kind of like Chris today.

What you gonna do, Chris?

I can't do two spells.

Correct.

But you know what I can do?

I use my dust plate armor, Radiance of

Radius of Radiance.

But when Chris said, you know what I can do, Barbara immediately put her fingers in her easier drink.

She did.

And it was coming.

So that's my armor.

It does 1d8 radiant damage.

You strike your translucent armor and it flares with the bright light in 30-foot radius.

All enemy targets in the area must make a constitution saving throw equal to your spell casting DC.

On a failure, the target takes 1d8 radiant damage and is blinded until the start of your next turn.

Did you get all that, guys?

Yeah, I think so.

So the Horseman and Skitch are within range, and they need to make saving throws on that.

Constitution 17.

Constitution 17.

I'll do the Horseman first.

His Constitution modifier is plus four, so he needs a 13 or better.

He rolls an eight, so that is not sufficient.

He fails his save.

Try and try and

look at people now when you're blind.

can't do that why are you pointing at me

this horseman looked at you and made you afraid okay i spoke

it was just a it's just a man across the table screaming at me as he points

can't look at people i get it now thank you skitch's constitution is plus two so i need a 15 or better okay

roll bad Aw, I rolled a 13.

Ha ha!

Which is not quite good enough.

Yeah, that's good.

So both the horseman and Skitch are blinded by this.

And do they take damage?

Yes, they take three radiant damage.

Blinded by the cleric.

Oh, because they failed the thing.

This is an addition to the 3d8.

Yep.

Got it, got it, got it.

Or 1d8.

It's 1d8.

1d8?

Oh, 3.8.

3d8 is the spirit guard and 1d8 from his armor.

8d8 is the cold.

Yes.

Sorry, there's things stacking on top of stacking on top of stacking.

Welcome to my world.

Yeah.

All right, Barney.

What else?

What a simple rogue.

I shall complete my turn.

Excellent job.

Elka.

Okay.

I want to bite.

I want to bite one of the hags.

Whoa.

Who's closest to me?

Elka's

going to fight over there.

Oh, there's only, yeah, I guess there's only one left.

We don't know that Carol's.

We didn't perceive her.

But she disappeared.

Shrivy dipped.

Shrivy dabbed and dipped.

No, but the one that's Carol.

Yeah, that's Shrivy.

She'd left?

No, well, she disappeared.

She disappeared.

She disappeared.

Nobody's rolled a perception check check that's been able to notice her yet.

And so who's the one left?

So all you're left with at this point is Skitch.

Skitch and the handling of Rocks and the Australian point.

I want to go up to Skitch and bite her.

Can you get up to the where the...

I think so.

I have 40 feet speed.

Oh, she would have been floating in the air, but we'll say at this point she's actually probably prone.

Yeah, so she's on the ground.

And I want to use my bite of sucking, which could use your action to drain the life force of a creature.

Target takes 1d4 piercing damage and must make a constitution saving throw on on a failure.

You could do this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus.

This ability recharges after a long rest.

Target must have blood and exposed skin or flush to be eligible for this ability, which I assume they do.

That's a good question.

Skitch is the sibling that's getting all of the punishment from the parents while the others dipped.

I want to say this.

Skitch or whatever is blinded, prone, prone, and in the magic circle.

Right.

Thank you for not saying that.

So that is like so many, so many disadvantages.

Yeah, yeah.

They're like triple disadvantages.

Yeah,

Skitch does meet all of those qualifiers.

What's the spell save DC on that?

It is a Constitution saving

15.

15.

Hey, guys, good luck.

Good luck on this.

Constitution is plus two.

I need a 13 or better.

Okay.

Should I?

Well, I have an attack roll.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Make your attack roll.

I'll create your team and hit it.

14.

You also have advantage on a double advantage.

Oh, I do.

Yeah, because there you go.

Okay, so that would be 17.

Wait, wait, would it not stack?

Do you get no.

There's only advantage or disadvantage.

There's no, like, double or triple.

Really?

Yeah, so it's 17 to hit.

Yeah, that hits.

Okay.

So then, I failed to save.

And that would be nine points of piercing damage.

Okay.

And then I think I also...

I feel like I get something back from that, too.

On a failed constitution save, the creature takes 1d4 necrotic damage and you regain half of the damage dealt as HP.

Gotcha.

Okay.

So additionally, you do 1d4 necrotic damage and then half of that total damage you get back.

So I'd roll a 1d4.

Okay, so that's an additional one.

Hey, it's good.

So take it.

Yeah.

Necrotic.

What's it taste like?

What year?

Vintage?

Oh, very vintage.

A nice cab.

Notes of

cigarette smoke.

Bitterness.

Anger.

Oh, so it's a California wine.

Shots fired at California.

Hello.

And then I am going to

slash at her for my second attack

with my great axe of gaining.

Cool.

If that is all right.

I would say do it recklessly, but you don't need to.

I don't need to.

25.

And believe it or not, that's it.

Just a hitch, and then that does

nine points of damage.

All right.

You got greedy Chris over here.

Do you want me to roll again?

Yeah, do it.

I guess I could.

He sounds like

he sounds like when Voldemort was still on the path of that guy's mask.

Hurry!

Turn me around so I can see him.

Although I am raging as well.

So does that do

plus two?

So I guess it'd be 11 points of damage.

Both of them.

Would the suck?

Would the bite?

No, I think you have to have a weapon attack.

I think it's weapon attack, yeah.

Although some may argue my teeth are my weapon.

Don't let my axe know that.

Don't tell my axe.

Don't tell my axe.

Okay.

That's it for Elga.

Wait,

what?

I roll temporary points again.

Oh, it doesn't matter.

It does.

Nine is in a right move.

You're back up to nine.

You know what I realize is that Chris can't see you guys.

I can't.

It doesn't matter because that's pretty much it for Skitch.

Oh, Skitch is dagger.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

You've dealt with Skitch.

You've banished Shirock.

Shivy is invisible.

But at that point, Shivy reappears next to you, Chip.

There she is!

And uh...

Do I get the hint that it's okay to engage with her?

Yeah, she no longer looks like Shivy, but rather everyone else sees her as Carol.

I think, Chip, you're the only one who saw her transform from Shivi to Carol, but from everyone else's perception, Carol appears out of nowhere next to you, Chip.

Big long hug.

Big on thousands of years of yearning have led to this hug.

Yeah, she embraces you in a passionate, albeit warty kiss.

Oh, yeah.

everything, but my mission is not over yet.

I need to report back immediately to my handler at Sheath.

Sheath, wait, hold on.

How long do we have?

She's

at that point.

How long do we have, honey?

You hear her slurt.

Yeah.

And she collapses into your arms, unmoving.

Find out what happens

in the next episode.

What did she give me?

Tales from the stinky dragon.

Why?

Oh, yeah, she gave you something.

We'll have to find out what that is next time, too.

My wife.

Why did that hang kiss you?

What?

You are cheating on Carol.

Jesus.

All right.

Thanks for listening, everyone.

This was fun.

Let's do it again next week.

Blue gum gum shirt and dice box.

Dice tray.

Tray, get them.

And

you know you have to get it because Chris is yelling at you.

And all of us.

Check out Stinky Dragon Pod on social media.

We'll post Chris's beautiful map.

I'm looking at it again right now.

All right.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Did you know you can directly support the show by subscribing at stinkydragonpod.com slash first?

You can join amazing little stinkers like Spaghetti JPEG.

I would download that JPEG.

Krylic Cryax, Cryix, Cryix, Ghost Riddle with a bunch of numbers in there.

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Keep those bizarre usernames coming in.

Listen to me stumble through them.

All of those people I just said they're directly supporting the show and they get access to more great content like Second Wind.

Interact with us on the subscriber-only Discord channels and events and more.

Again, that's stinkydragonpod.com slash first.

Can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show.

Listeners that interact with us on social media and Discord have NPCs named after them in this episode, like Shy V, aka Carol the Green Hag, user Shy Vivy on Reddit, voiced by Laura Rothamel at Laura Rothamel, Skitch the Blue Hag, named after at Jessica Sketches on Instagram, voiced by Jessica Vasami at Jessica Vasami.

Shirock the Purple Hag, named after at just Shirakumo on Twitter, voiced by Murphy Geshwind at Sunny Shore City.

The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisner, with additional editing work by David Sonye.

Head over to stinkydragonpod.com/slash first for allthings stinky.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Can I take a moment to commend Chris for unwrapping his candy cane off the microphone this time?

He's learning.

That's amazing.

I cannot see Chris and I did not hear it.

Exactly.

Yeah.

It's super quiet.

It's a candy cane.

Yeah.

I'm sucking it, not just chewing it up.

That's good, Chris.

Very good.

He caught himself midway through talking about...

Never mind.

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