#628: Keep it Unreal

President just sucked thirty-seven ticks in a row.

Authentic to myself.

Me and, you know, I just kept it real.

People respect when you keep it real, you know?

Hey, tell me he loves me.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

We got a full house here.

We got Walt.

Yo.

And we got BQ.

Hello.

BQ.

How you doing, buddy?

Good.

You got a thousand-yard stare.

I don't know, like you're tired?

Back to work.

Yeah, you know.

Yeah, it's like back to work on like four different things at once.

It's good.

Good things.

Good things?

Weather's getting warmer.

It's in the 50s today.

You know?

Let's talk a good 20 minutes about the weather to start off this episode.

Let's wrap it up.

Yes.

Did you hear anything about us talking about the weather?

I heard us.

Talking about other things that cause mucho problems since the last episode.

Weather wasn't one of them.

Weather wasn't wasn't it?

No, I have to, right off the bat, I have to issue an apology to our Canadian brothers and sisters.

We didn't badmouth Canada.

Yes, I did.

I was insensitive, you know, at a point where, you know, they're pussies these Canadians.

They're talking about it.

Stop, guys.

Stop.

Let me issue the apology.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

Get him doing that.

We went down.

It was bad.

It was bad.

Deservedly so.

I made jokes that were insensitive to the issues that are going on between America and Canada right now.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Stop.

Stop.

Can you brothers and sisters were upset?

And I got a lot of

upset people,

including people who are so sweet and nice.

Some of the longest-standing listeners

sent me an email that basically just broke my heart.

Oh, man.

Yeah, it broke my heart saying that she no longer can listen to us because she just finds herself,

I just don't like you guys

as people anymore.

Oh, and I don't know.

Because we made a couple jokes about annexing Canada?

I stood up for Canada.

Wait a second.

I certainly didn't say that.

Some people did acknowledge that.

Yeah, I didn't say a single bad thing about Canada.

I don't know if it was the final straw was Canada.

And also some misinformation at the end of the episode.

We definitely were wrong about something about

free speech in the UK.

It wasn't.

How the fuck are we going to be right about that?

We don't live in the UK.

Yeah, I guess what again,

I think we spoke in generalities where we were like, yeah, it's something about social media.

No, no,

it was blamed.

Again, it was just we didn't do enough homework to weigh in on it.

And

getting this.

I got to start doing homework after one weighing years.

No.

Oh, whoa.

No, no, no.

Oh, how much homework do I have?

You can follow my lead now, and my lead is just going to be, I'm just going to talk about Teddy,

my dog,

and I'm going to bitch about Giddam.

And I am not going to weigh in on anything that I am not completely

versed in because it just upsets people.

At the end of the day, that is not the goal.

I am not here to

make people upset and be like, I'm canceling all everything.

I'm no patriot.

No more merch.

It's it.

It's over.

I don't like you guys anymore.

How can people not understand that?

It's not a serious political show.

Well, I think that they.

You make a couple jokes of people like, I hate you now.

Come on.

They didn't say I hate you.

Or I don't like you guys anymore.

I found that I just, at the end of the day, I don't like you guys as people anymore.

That's

in the first place.

I'm not going to say her name, but she was such a supporter, so

nice.

Like, you couldn't have found a more nicer person for her to say that.

I do think you have to look and see: have we

strayed from the mission statement and do we need to course correct?

But straight into what?

I don't understand.

Just talking about things that up that, at the end of the day, don't allow people to enjoy the show as much as they would if we just.

How the hell are you supposed to know what those topics are?

You were about to say, don't talk about things that upset people.

Everything upsets somebody.

I have never gotten a complaint where, like, hey, man, you're fucking riding Giddam's balls too hard.

I have never gotten that email.

All my main emails until you stand forward.

I bet you never heard any shit about Teddy talk either.

No.

I got a good Teddy story this week.

That may be the only thing I can talk about.

But all kidding aside, though, yeah, like to hear that people are like, I'm done.

I will never support you guys in any way because you

joked around.

You know what?

It's too new.

I guess the wound was too raw and all the implications of Trump making that ridiculous proclamation that he wants to annex Canada.

At the end of the day,

we thought it was as ridiculous as anybody else.

Yeah, I don't remember saying anything besides that's

a bad idea.

Like, we shouldn't upset our neighbors.

This is the first time in a decade that it's my fault.

A rare

animal.

They've been racking it.

That's so rare lately, buddy.

I've been having a whole bunch of animals lately.

That's why I'm going strictly dog talk.

I'm strictly fucking pissing and shitting on Giddam.

Those are why

I know where my W's are.

That's your wheelhouse.

Can you afford me that email?

I'd like to read it.

From the long time.

Do you really want to hear that?

No, no, no.

I definitely do.

I don't want to tell her name.

I don't want you guys to get up.

I know how you guys are.

You guys don't like criticism.

I know you guys don't.

You get fucking very aggro and defensive, and you're ready to fucking burn.

Like, he's already separating himself from us.

You see that?

You guys.

He's drawing lines in the sand.

Look at him.

You're right, Fable Christian race.

Whenever something like this happens, we always get lumped together.

No, I know how you guys handle criticism.

It's not, you guys ever go like, we need some self-reflection.

Nope.

It's like, oh, fuck yourself.

Better turn this into a year-long bit.

All right, not this time.

Not this time.

Not this time.

She's too sweet of a person.

I got to know later on.

I got to know about this.

Yeah, I could, I mean, you want to give me something the right way at there, 148.

Do you write anything?

Yeah, do you got red?

You don't have red at the hand?

Okay.

Well, I mean, for my part, like, I mean,

I apologize.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know.

Let me see.

She's writing a name.

Get out of here.

Her?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, the sweetest of the name.

That is, that is.

We do need to look at our souls a little bit.

Now you're changing that tune.

I wasn't going to wear she was Canadian.

I don't even think she is Canadian.

I just, I think.

Come on, then.

It was a culmination of just too many

talking points that just made her

upset with the tone

of the podcast.

She likes light-hearted kind of personal stories, I think.

She doesn't, like a lot of listeners who bombard me with like, they don't want to hear us weigh in on the worldview.

Who am I?

How arrogant is it that I, a fucking failed comic book store manager, defrocked,

defrocked by Kevin Smith,

that I have enough knowledge that now I can weigh in on all the fucking problems that the world has across the fucking ocean.

Now I'm weighing in.

Well, Canada's not across the ocean, but don't talk about the UK.

But as I recall, like, it wasn't, wasn't, what am am I missing?

Because all I remember you saying is something about maple syrup.

That was the joke.

That's what got it.

What?

Oh, come on.

But he was too shit, man.

No, no, no.

I'm not kidding you.

Q, you can't.

This is what I don't want.

People say

this is not the appropriate response.

Oh, okay.

You got it.

You have to.

You have to go with a little bit more humility.

And your voice has to break a little bit

because.

But you didn't say anything.

I did.

I said the maple syrup joke.

And it was not the time to make the joke, they're saying.

On a podcast?

No, it was too new.

So we have to wait a year before we can make maple syrup jokes about taking over Canada.

Nobody in this fucking room thinks we're taking over Canada.

That's why we're joking around about it.

But no, but the things that Trump is talking about, though, doing, are going to truly hurt Canada and their economy with the tariffs and shit.

And it's not a joking matter.

Their way of life and their economy is at stake.

And you got us three yokels, you know, fucking sitting there.

Because I've never been made fun of.

Oh,

online.

Victimhood.

Online?

I hear shit about me all the time.

I never fucking cry about it.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I'm actually, I'm stunned at that.

That's why I say it appropriately.

I think I could win her back.

No.

Yeah, I think so.

Let me just let this one lie.

I don't know.

I'll tell you what, I'll tell you this.

She's never going to hear this.

I don't don't know.

But I think that the appropriate response, and I'm kind of proud of her because I do like her.

That is surprising.

She's a sweet lady.

The appropriate response, I think, is what she's doing.

She didn't have to write the letter and announce it.

But I think, honestly, if like that bothers you.

The maple syrup joke is not bothering you that much.

No, no.

I think it is.

It's a culmination of like about almost over a year.

She's been having these thoughts of like, I'm not enjoying enjoying it the way i used to i don't like these men yeah the way i used to and there's nothing we you know

there are people who who who i know rail against us online but still listen to the show and to me that i'm just like well you're even if you don't play pay for patreon if you just giving us that listener's number

No, is helping us.

No, they're not.

What they're listening.

Look, I don't want to also, I don't want to get too into the...

What I'm saying is by just listening listening to Complain is supporting the show.

They're listening in the hopes that this is the week, and it almost was last week with that maple syrup shit, that they can dance on our graves.

Well, why do we.

They're waiting to dance, and they're waiting for that comment that's going to come.

That's going to be like,

that's the fucking start the music.

I'm going to do a jig because TSD is dead.

And they thought the maple syrup was possible.

Wow, I didn't realize we came so close.

I mean, do you guys ever think that maybe we should just stop doing this podcast?

Never.

Because how the fuck is this fun?

There's too many How is this fun?

It's depending on us now, though.

Yeah, but so what?

Like, how is it?

Okay, so are you.

Maybe this show is.

Including myself.

Yeah, I know, Kiel.

I know.

You got a television show still.

Me and Brian, we've been canceled for a while.

Maybe they can't just do it.

They can't do the concert that's in there.

They can't just do it for that reason.

Like, it's not fun.

Like, it's.

Do you have fun?

I don't have fun.

I don't know what it's going to look like going forward now.

What?

You don't like fucking stories about adorable dogs?

I do.

You know, that fucking picture that still isn't hung up.

That Chuck.

I'm with you.

I'm with you.

But what I'm saying is just like

not trying to take away how

affected they were by the maple syrup.

It's not just, you know, and it's glossing over

the UK comment, too.

Sure.

Okay.

But even the UK comment, like, I don't even remember.

Like, okay, fine.

But, like, you to treat this, to say that whatever we've talked about is so off-put, like, there are, like,

wait, like, I just don't believe that we'd ever say anything that was, like, so crazy.

But my, that, but my point is, like, if we, if a maple syrup joke is a straw that breaks a camel's back, and that is what we're podcasting under, and these people who don't like the show and don't like us still listen, like, how is it fun?

Like, it's just how is it funny?

There was a they should be supporting anybody who thinks that we're a bad podcast, just by giving us the listener number, you're supporting us.

I don't care about that.

So, you support what you hate.

Yeah, but

here's the support at the bottom line, though, is there was a threat about how many Canadians have canceled their Patreon.

Okay.

And there was people going, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did.

That has to make you reflect.

That's like a sponsor on IJ.

Absolutely.

It was like, hey, the guys, we're losing sponsors left and right.

You're right to put it that way.

But there's a certain point that it just

stops being fun.

But I have to do a show where you have to watch every single word that you say because a maple syrup joke might

be for that maple syrup tobacco?

No, I don't think I have been.

Well, yes, I let my guard down.

But for the better part of a decade, I've watched my P's and Q's.

Yeah, but if these people want the show to die,

there's some that do.

Right.

There's some that not all.

I think there's a small percentage, especially on the Reddit, that listen in hopes.

that something comes out or there's a comment made that that's it.

Now they're going to get there.

Now they're going to pay.

Now they're going to, and that payment is going to be

where

we lose

the ability to make this be our job.

Well, that can't really happen.

I mean, of course it can.

You get enough, you say it's the wrong thing.

I mean, we've seen there's people littered.

The history is littered with people who said the wrong thing and they never could work out.

Yeah, but you look at the most successful podcasts on the planet and it's like those people are saying fucking crazy shit that we wouldn't ever say.

Not an example of a comment, but like an example of the most successful podcast on the planet.

I don't know what JSD was.

I mean, you look at any of these podcasts that are excelling now, and it's like they don't,

like, the maple syrup joke is not even a pimple on what these people say and truly believe.

Like, you don't believe that Canada is...

is only good for maple syrup.

Of course not.

You made a joke.

It was a joke.

But on some of those podcasts, there are people right now being like, yeah, fuck Canada, blah, blah, blah.

And

they're making billions of dollars, these people.

Millions and millions of dollars.

So it's like.

But they're very divisive.

I don't want to be that.

Yeah.

Let's talk about my dog.

That's fine.

But my point is, but my point is like, if we're trying to keep it like a maple syrup joke is a thing that's over the line, I'm going to say at a certain point, you've got to ask yourself, like, what is the point of it?

I don't know.

I remember at BQ that would have been like, yeah, we got to talk about Teddy and fucking only Teddy jokes just a a few weeks ago.

I agree with that.

I still agree with that.

I don't want to say anything that upsets people, but like the line can't be a maple syrup joke.

Okay, but it's the misinformation at the end, too, about the UK.

There wasn't an immigrant involved that caused the, that murdered children.

And there were.

There were tweets or social media posts that incited a riot.

And there isn't a crackdown on free speech.

This is.

Oh, yeah.

So

that along with the incendiary comment about maple syrup,

it was the perfect storm of that caused people to be like question

their

love

of the podcast.

I understand.

I understand where you're coming from.

And I'm down.

Teddy and Genem.

Let's do it.

Yep.

I'm down.

Is it too...

Am I going over the line if I wish Pam a happy 79th birthday today?

Of course not.

You know that.

I don't know anymore.

Yes, you do.

that's that that that's what people don't like they like

i thought people like that facetious fucking sarcasm dripping can i say happy birthday to my mother i'm just wondering

you never know anymore but you know you know that's the thing you know that you can so even

starting off on that is starting off on the wrong foot look

that's true show us a name say your name.

Say your name.

We speak your name.

We speak your name.

Except without saying it.

I'm just going to write it up on the wall over there.

Oh, man.

But get him.

You're saying that people pointed out that I defended Canada.

Some people did, yes.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I don't think you were taking the task as much as I was.

Yeah, you said Canada deserved to boo the U.S.

Yeah, all right.

And I agree with that, too.

It was a joke.

Yeah.

But I won't make jokes like that again.

Not at the expense of our northern brothers and sisters.

So, speaking of Teddy, he's not here today.

No, we got to pay him in her 79th birthday.

Yeah, it's her 79th birthday.

In fact, it's today, and I came here instead of going over to hang out with him.

Oh, wow.

Oh.

It's the only time we could do the show.

Did you know we were walking into this today?

No.

You didn't know that there was a major backlash to the episode?

Not at all.

Well, I don't go on Reddit.

Well, how many.

Get him.

I'm not letting you.

Hang on Twitter.

I don't see anything on Twitter at all.

Back me up.

There was at least four major posts with about 100.

The episode has over 300 comments right now.

It's just the episode.

Oh, wow.

Taking it on the chin, we are.

So we'll have to make this episode extra nice.

Well, no, I don't think it has to be nice.

I don't think you'll want us to lose our

what's the word I'm looking for?

Our savvy faire.

That's not the word you're looking for.

You want to dull down, man.

When have we been edgy?

I think in the beginning.

Really?

I think in the beginning.

By today's standards, yeah.

Maybe not back then.

But like, if you look at it by today's standards, yeah, we were they want us to bust on each other's balls lovingly.

They want us to

talk about our lives and things that are going on.

They can get I don't think they want me to talk about my life.

I think that's too bad.

It's far boring.

It's far too boring.

I don't do anything.

I almost went out to dinner tonight.

That's my fault.

I might have to go to dinner because

I realized I couldn't.

So I had to cancel plans five minutes after I made them.

I know I'm probably not welcome, but can I offer a suggestion maybe?

And maybe put a feeler out to see if the listeners will.

Let me just say this.

I think, to get Amiticus, what are they looking for?

I think

they're not looking for us to weigh in on things that they can get those viewpoints in a million other places.

They can only get the TSD effect from us.

And if we're wasting our time weighing in on shit that

we're not really informed upon enough, we are wasting time.

Sure, I understand.

I've gone out of my way not to talk about politics.

Some would say that's not true.

Then I want to hear a clip of it.

I want to hear people.

You want a super clip?

I want a mega clip.

Yeah, I want a super cut of me talking about politics for the past two years.

Well, politics now can be even talking about the Canadian booing.

Canadians booing.

That was the same thing.

Now I got to run whatever I'm going to say by everybody.

Hey, is it all right if we talk about this this week?

The Canadians.

Why are we upset that the Canadians are booing us?

Some Americans were upset, though.

Some

felt it was justified.

I wasn't.

Let me go on record for that.

I was not upset that the Canadians booed the anthem.

All right.

I don't know.

Gatim has a suggestion.

Now, we would be.

It's fun to do.

It's just like just coming for the chastising and finger wagging of the week.

Like, the rest of the world is moving on from being fucking told what to do and say and getting their finger wagged just to like coming from here in a windowless room just to have fucking anonymous people tell me why I'm an asshole and why what's wrong with me and what I said was wrong.

And they think they're right.

It wasn't you, though.

Oh, that's right.

I forgot about that.

You're right.

But get him, we would be absolutely fools to not take advantage of having a genius on our mist.

Tell us what we need.

I should say we give him complete creative control of the show.

Just wondering, maybe if people have problems, like major news outlets do, you can offer a correction in an

acknowledge your mistake.

Right.

And, you know, I think that maybe help.

They may be help.

Yes, but I'm saying if any time in the future, if people, if

a comment is made that's incorrect, you address the next episode and apologize for being incorrect.

And maybe that will help mend bridges.

Well, some of the comments I saw were like, why can't your fat ass do that in the moment?

And they said, it wasn't me saying that.

That was them saying.

Like,

why aren't you doing something?

Like, why aren't you looking up what they're talking about?

And then you can correct us in the moment.

Because I've also had comments where I get yelled at for distracting you guys by putting stuff up on the screen.

Well, no, no, yeah.

Don't point it up on the screen.

Just be like, hey, guys, you know what?

And then to clarify.

Ruining the flow.

And

last episode was so great because the guys guys just ignored Giddam and just kept on going and didn't listen to his blather.

Oh, boy.

Wow, mixed opinions.

What are you going to do?

Listen to all of them.

And adjust to every single one.

Yes.

Of course, correct at every moment.

But I mean, look,

I just don't understand how people,

if they feel like we're saying the wrong things or spreading misinformation

and you continue to listen to the show, you're supporting the problem that you claim to hate.

So maybe just, you know, live by your convictions and don't listen to the show anymore.

It doesn't have to be a big thing.

Yeah, it's fine.

Like, why would you support something that you actively don't like?

You know, don't.

Because then everything that's done on this show, if you continue to listen to it,

everything that's done on the show, you're co-signing.

By supporting and listening.

So the only way to really show how you're morally superior to us

is to just go away.

Yeah, but then if they're on Patreon, though, then it's like.

That's all right, man.

Well, that's where

we.

We ain't getting new listeners, though.

We're only losing old ones.

Well, that's where it's on us to.

Well, this is where they're right.

It's like it's on us to create a show that's not shedding listeners.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

So

I don't hate this.

This is almost like episode one of the new Tele Steve Davidson.

Can this not be

reinventing?

Can next week's be the rebranding of the all-new Telesteve David?

I like that.

Don't we rebrand with Q at one time?

You will, Q to Lash.

Q to Lash.

All right, let's do another.

Look, comics go to issue number one all the time.

Yeah.

Let's start next week.

Comic book, right?

Comic books.

Let's build bridges, man.

Gonna start off.

You want to kill the old numbering?

Like this is the final.

Oh, you like the old numbering.

What is the benefit of having those numbers on?

That many numbers.

600 episodes.

What's the benefit of that?

I'm not saying I disagree with you, bro.

I'm just curious how you see it.

I think people have been like, okay, they've been around for a while, they're not new.

And just on a personal level, I like to know that we've banked this many episodes.

I mean, God knows.

It's not going to go away

if we just start over with a number one.

And maybe it's not so daunting of somebody to be like, oh my God, 600 episodes.

I cannot fucking get into a podcast that's 600 episodes.

We talked about this, and we tried to

go back and do a primer.

We got like five minutes in, and and we were like, fuck it, just go listen to the fucking show if you want to know.

That's what happened.

We're in a tight spot now.

A lack of effort, though.

We're not putting in the proper effort, though.

All right.

Tune in next week for 15 years' worth of history.

We'll catch you up.

Yeah, all right.

I like the challenge of it.

I think you're right, Walt.

I think, like, if you drop the defensiveness,

there's been some good points made.

I just don't, I think because I'm the type of person, if I see shit on TV that makes me mad or I see something in the news that makes me mad, it like I don't

like, say Bill Burr.

Bill Burr has become kind of woke in the past, you know.

Oh,

here he goes.

Two years.

This is his last episode.

He could do it.

Okay.

Not once did I think of writing into Bill Burr

or letting anybody know that I don't like Bill Burr.

You have made it known that you don't like people going woke, though.

You coach and rail about Stephen King.

You have a platform.

You don't need to go on social media.

You have that microphone to tell the world what you don't like.

And then

they don't want to hear it.

No.

No, they don't want to hear it anymore.

Yeah.

I'll just talk about things I like.

That'll be so fucking interesting to everyone.

Talk about Norm.

Talk about Norm.

Norm and Teddy.

Norm and Teddy News every week.

Norm, Teddy, Boris.

I mean, now we're shaping it to something I like.

I'm not saying it has to be exclusively about that, but I think people really like hearing our

accounts of our life and where we're at and what's going on.

What are you talking about?

I start talking about my life.

I get told I'm name-dropping and I'm fucking big time.

Can you stop talking about all the Stars he knows?

I know.

Like, what do you want me to do?

He's out of touch.

It's like,

what does that mean?

I have the solution.

But who out of touch?

With you?

I had the solution.

Who the fuck cares?

The solution is

insert a different name for that celebrity.

And if the story is still as interesting, if it's not a celebrity, then tell it.

Yeah, but like, how do you tell a story about like getting fucking because I never you're right, you're absolutely right, you're absolutely right, you're absolutely right.

I'm not right, though.

I mean, it's just a thought, just a suggestion.

Yeah, you're right.

I'll try.

I'll try to replace

celebrity names with like tell Joe.

Oh, can't even mean it's Joe.

Well, all right, there's plenty of names.

I'll find, I'll find the name, a name for that.

Yeah, okay,

okay, what's the matter, Gim?

Oh.

Oh.

You're hitting the microphone cable.

Right.

No, I'll tell you to stop doing that.

So I didn't interrupt the show.

All right.

So happy birthday to Pam.

Is she on the New York Times bestseller?

Because every motherfucker I know is emailing me and saying, I picked up the book.

Yes.

Is she up there?

I don't know if she's on there yet, but she has to be on some kind of bestseller list because same thing.

I couldn't be more appreciative to everyone who has supported her.

And there are people that are like, hey, man, I'm just buying the book.

I'm probably not going to read it.

Who cares?

That's fine.

Yeah, as far as she's concerned, it's a sale.

And she's very happy with the way people are turning out.

Yeah, very cool.

Listeners I've seen are promoting the book, saying they picked it up.

TSD Town Residence, Nichelle sent me a text being like, I picked up the book.

Yeah, he sent me a picture of himself with it.

Yeah, she's very appreciative.

It's not his go-to genre.

I can see that.

Why do you think Michelle doesn't have

elves and fantasy in his toolbox too much of an alpha really got ladies too much pussy you think it goes down to that yeah I do guys who are who are like so wait a minute

would comics fall in the genre of fantasy and

not anymore you're the you're the outlier then you're you you you wouldn't have a need to like spend a Friday night at home reading your comics no I I made it a badge of like I made it cool in my personal circle how and how did you do that?

Because I couldn't pull that off.

It's authentic to myself.

Me and, you know, I just kept it real.

People respect when you keep it real, you know?

Really?

I had enthusiasm for it.

I was a fucking, I took shit for reading comics all through high school, college, my twenties, even in the start of Jokers.

Like, if you watch some of those early episodes, you see them ripping on me for fucking the Superman tattoo.

But then it's, you know, but that was 15 years ago.

Like, now those jokes, now who wants to be at the Deadpool premiere and who wants to fucking all that shit that I got made fun of for years is like, is cool now.

And now they're ruining it, of course.

But that comes the.

Did you see Captain America?

I did not.

I saw it.

What did you think?

Because I had a waiter yesterday who loved it.

And he was like, you have to go see it.

I didn't love it.

Okay.

I heard it was terrible.

I didn't think it was terrible.

I just am shocked that it's a sequel to a 17-year-old Incredible Hulk movie.

That's what it is.

That blows my mind.

Like a direct sequel, right?

Like it's more about that than anything else.

Like, you have to see that Hulk movie to fucking follow what's going on.

And I think that is

insane that that was the judgment and that was the, like, the writer's room or whoever's the bigwigs are like, yeah, you know what I think is a good idea?

Let's base it upon a 17-year-old Hulk movie that nobody remembers and nobody really liked.

Yeah, it's bold.

Ballsy, but it

didn't do the trick.

I feel a Captain America movie should be about Captain America.

Yeah.

And

he should warn his own foe, at least, his own villain.

Yeah.

And

it didn't have that in it.

There were moments that were really good, and there were moments that weren't that good.

And if I was Disney, I would just be like, stop wasting time showing out the heroes fighting just normal dudes in fatigues.

Well, you have to do that with this Captain America.

He doesn't have superpowers.

What the fuck are you going to do?

But

he's got the wings.

He could fly.

He's more than capable of beating up a couple soldiers.

That's why he was the great falcon.

He was a great falcon.

There's a new falcon in this, too.

Has he?

I don't mean to assume it's a he.

On this time, your assumption would be correct.

Let's not do that again next episode.

You're right.

You got lucky.

W for wall.

A rare W for you.

Now, people are going to think you're not taking it seriously, though, now, with that shot.

Which one?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

You're right.

You're right.

Yeah,

I like Anthony Mankey.

I like him as really good.

I like him as Falcon.

I wish they had gone with Bucky as Captain.

I can't get over how wrong I think the choice they made is, where

Bucky is

from the same era, has fucking superpowers, has a connect, is the opposite.

Like to take Ca if you're going to replace Captain America and you replace him with his mirror opposite, exact mirror opposite, that to me is fucking awesome.

You know what I mean?

Like that, and it worked in the comic, like when Fucky was Captain America, it's a great storyline.

Falcon is, is, he's,

he's a great Falcon.

Like, I don't, he didn't need to become Captain America.

Like, the story, like, the, like, I don't know, just that

he wasn't there.

But you know how Disney has been accused of forcing social issues?

I believe this is the one that was actually worthy of telling on a big stage of an African-American becoming Captain America and part of the country being like, oh, Captain America, that I recognize.

And another part of the country being like, you're worthy to be

got a lot of that in the movie?

No, but I'm surprised they didn't, though.

They kind of did that in the movie.

They said they did it in the TV show, which I barely remember.

But is it worth seeing?

I've seen worse Marvel movies.

Oh, I'm going to see it eventually.

Yeah, I'll probably see it.

You probably should see it.

There's a Red Hulk float.

But let me be clear, I'm not like, why is he Captain America?

I'm just looking as a Comic Book fan and having knowing both those storylines, The Winter Soldier becoming Captain America is a way richer vein.

Yes, but

the South Ken, Sam Wilson has become Captain America, though, too, in this game.

That's what I'm saying.

But even that storyline isn't as good as when Bucky became Captain America.

Yep.

But hey,

you know, I don't have any problems with him being Captain America.

He's my captain.

You sound like you're on defense of a man.

Yeah, he's my captain.

I'm not the sound you.

Dude, I will salute Anthony Mackey when I see him in the streets.

Yeah, okay.

I will.

Stop saying it, though, because then it just feels weird that you keep saying it.

Yeah, then you're overcompensating.

He's cool.

Why wouldn't he be cool?

There's no reason he wouldn't be cool.

Why wouldn't he be a great Captain America?

I don't understand.

He doesn't need superpowers.

I think they took Bucky, since they're making him in that Thunderbolts movie, that's a lot of Bucky then.

I don't think they should have done that because I don't think they should take Bucky and put him into suicide squads.

Like, Bucky's too good of a character to to be like the suicide squad.

I mean, doesn't that type of looks just look like, like, hey, it's our suicide squad, everybody?

Like, not saying it won't be good, but like,

I don't know.

I think a better place for him to go would have been as Captain America.

Plus, his Captain America outfit was fucking dope.

Remember, Alex Ross designed it, and it looked so fucking good.

It was good.

But hey, you know what, though?

That's just a personal choice.

It's got nothing to do with anything.

Or anybody.

Or anybody.

Or any history of anything.

We got an ad.

We don't have any ads.

No ads.

Ad-free.

Ad-free Friday.

On purpose, right?

On purpose.

As an apology.

Was it because everybody dropped us?

Yeah.

Yeah, all the sponsors are like, we're at 100 pills.

They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We heard about that maple syrup shit.

No, no ads today.

Juggled them around so it could be an ad-free episode.

Oh, okay.

So what do you got going on at

the Johnson household since we last saw you?

Well,

I'm staying my teddy story for last.

On a strong note.

How was Sage's birthday?

Aside from doing basically nothing, I did get a cortisone shot yesterday in my knee after a year and a half, and it really made me wonder.

Like, I was sitting there and I was thinking about it for a long time, like how much different my life would have been if instead of giving me opiates, the doctor had just given me a cortisone shot.

Because it works perfectly.

Like, I wasn't even aware that a cortisone shot would do something like that.

But, like, my knee, like, my knee was so locked up, I couldn't walk.

I was like, this is about a year and a half ago.

I was, you know, when I would come in here and I was like gimping around, I had my cane, all that shit.

That's right.

It was all just because of arthritis in the knee.

And the last time the guy gave me the cortisone shot in the knee, and it worked perfectly.

A year and a half later, got another one, and within a day, it's like feeling better.

Can you

sue?

Yeah.

I'm not sure.

Because he said, this is like, this really, like, this is going to make my mother look bad too.

But, hey, man, we keep it real here.

No, not anymore.

Well, I'll try to keep it as real as I can.

Please don't.

We can't afford it.

But Pam said to me that one time she was talking to the doctor because she went to the same doctor.

And I guess they were talking about the pills.

And the doctor was like, well, he'll probably get addicted, but then we'll just deal with that then.

Wow.

Now,

I was looking at my mother, like, well, what the fuck?

Why didn't you say something?

But, you know, she's

so I'm not really surprised I didn't hold it against her.

But yeah, it might, I might be able to get into some kind of class action suit.

Against the pharmaceutical company or the doctor?

The doctor.

Does she have him on?

Is that on your chart?

Does he wrote that down?

He's probably going to get addicted to this, but we'll deal with that.

That I doubt.

I mean, he would be really.

That's smoking gun.

And that was.

You don't need a Matlock to fucking win that game.

That's right.

You wrote that.

Speaking of which, I started watching.

Did you?

Yes, I'm into the first two episodes.

I like the direction it's going in.

You were right.

You're right.

Wow.

I don't think that could win you over.

I will say this.

It's an old person's show.

It feels like a CBS 1980 shows.

But

there will be times where it feels ageless.

Yeah.

And it's not an old person's show.

And those are the moments where you're like, oh, this is well done.

This is

there's something more here than meets the eye.

Yeah.

I mean, the problem is that, like, the only real likable character so far is Kathy Bates.

Otherwise, her husband is super likable.

He's too doting, though.

Wait till you get to the episode where I'm only on episode two, so there's a couple episodes here.

Get him, I'm on a fucking Matlock recap show.

That's what Telece Dave becomes.

Matlock recap show.

Well, it was Deadwood.

It was all fine and dandy when I had the glazed overlook.

Yeah, but you didn't walk into this room and get told that everything you do is wrong.

I think.

That's the thing.

Every day.

Every day.

Oh,

fuck if you don't deserve

every criticism

that is thrown at you.

You're out of your fucking mind that you don't think you're above even the most baseless criticism has fucking merit.

Oh,

the bona pills are back there.

Nice.

But they're like, there's a moment where, you know, know about the daughter, right?

Yes.

Okay.

There's a moment where

we see her for the first time and there's like flashback things and the husband with just facial expressions rips your heart out.

And you're like, that dude deserves a fucking Emmy.

Oh, yeah.

When you just fall in love with that guy because he is such a nutswitch.

I haven't gotten to that part yet, but I'll keep an eye out.

It's a good show.

I like the way they weave the old Matt Lock stuff into.

Yeah.

It's pretty cool.

But there's a lot of...

Why?

It's a sequel to the first series?

They acknowledged that the show existed in her world, but it was a TV show.

And that's her name is Maddie Matlock, so everyone's like, just like the old TV show.

Oh, wow.

Is that a choice that pays off, or it's just a fun thing they put in there?

I think it's a show that...

I think it's a choice that pays off because it would be ridiculous to be like, she's a relative of fucking...

She's the original Matlock's cousin.

It would be just too outlandish.

Or you could just not acknowledge the first series at all.

Yeah, yeah.

But I think this is a clever way,

a nice nod to the, you know, they play the music sometimes of the original theme.

Get out of here.

Yeah.

Oh, all right.

Well, that sounds good.

I never saw one episode of the original Matlock, though.

I was like, that was in my fucking teen years, I'm in early 20s.

It was not a chance.

I was watching TV.

A lot has changed since then.

Now it's like, what's on TV?

Now it's appointment watching, yeah.

Matlock's on.

Oh, oh, good.

My shows are on.

All my programs, all of them.

There was like a good solid decade of elderly, lawyer,

and detective shows.

It'll come back.

Diagnosis, murder, Atlantic.

So that's all that's been going on?

Nothing else?

Nothing else.

Do you not think that to yourself, like, I got to do at least something

out of the norm so that I can bring it back to the table?

I do.

Okay.

I absolutely do.

It never presents itself

because I don't have anywhere to go.

Like, maybe I'm just going to get up on the roof and see if the shingles are are good.

That's more likely.

Maybe go somewhere and people watch.

Yeah, Mary Beth's like, he's doing it.

He's doing it.

Go and people watch.

I could do that.

Yeah, I just don't get into enough.

I mean,

we went to family lunch at

Texas Roadhouse on Sunday.

Nothing happened.

We ate lunch.

You got to make something happen.

Yeah, when I used to make something happen, though, it wasn't bad like watching people shoot up.

You fake an episode or something.

Oh, yeah.

Like, you're like, oh, my God, call the doctor.

I'm dizzy.

No, no, I'm just kidding.

Yeah, at the very end of it, I was just fucking around.

I need content because

it has to be.

You got to understand, it can't be too offensive,

but it can be untrue.

I think that's how new taglines.

Tell them, C.

Deep, it can't be offensive, but it can be untrue.

I'm someone, yeah.

It's great.

I love it.

Now I'm in.

I got my vision now.

I love it.

What are these?

Peanuts?

I have a peanut allergy.

Yeah.

You very best.

No, you're not.

Shut up.

Pretend you're bloating.

Fuck up.

Pretend you're bloating.

I need this.

I'm choking.

Look at me.

Someone help me.

Does anyone here know the hybrid maneuver?

Maybe my EpiPen.

You don't have an EpiPen, Brian.

Shut up.

Why not?

Are you fucking dope?

I need fucking content.

Sir, this is the third time this week you need an EpiPen in Chilis.

Just pretend this is an EpiPen.

Oh, it's saved.

Oh.

Yeah, I got to start.

Well,

like after something like Q West, we'll have tons of shit to talk about.

That's a month away, though.

A lot of the stories, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You guys are going to bank the stories, right?

We'll bank them.

Okay.

I say at a minimum,

six between all both of you.

Okay.

Six combined, three each

good

stories to bring back.

Okay.

I can manage that.

Because then I'm in a situation where it's like those good stories are possible.

Stories happening in my house are few and far between.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Yeah, we're about a month away.

Yeah.

Last I heard, it was basically zero tickets.

There's one ticket left.

It's hard to sell one ticket, right?

Yeah, yeah.

That's all right.

Hey, they're loaned.

I'll just probably just pull it down and say it's sold out.

Yeah, you can say it.

It can be untrue now.

You're absolutely correct.

I like this new feelings over facts era.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like this.

We could have took advantage of it years ago.

I know.

We missed the boat.

Now we're jumping on.

People are like, it's too late, SS.

It's too late.

Well, feeling over facts is wrong because it's not like we're dealing.

I mean, the problem was we weren't dealing with facts.

That's how we got into hot water.

I think, no, I think we were, we just

people just don't want to hear our viewpoints on the world's issues.

Gotcha.

They just want to laugh and they want to feel good.

I agree with them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I come aboard with that.

I think now that my defensiveness is draining away.

And I saw it and I knew it was going to happen, and I was like, oh, fuck.

But now

I am on the other side.

So now I'm starting to absorb what you were saying a little bit more.

And I understand the perspective that you've brought to the table.

And I agree.

I think it's a good move for us.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like it.

I like it.

I don't want a fucking adversarial relationship with listeners.

What was that?

That was a note I was supposed to give him last week.

Oh, okay.

This is from Jimmy the Hair Guy.

Jimmy the Hair Guy.

Q with Jimmy the Hair Guy.

I love you.

This isn't real.

No, it's real.

I love you.

I do not want money.

I only want to hang.

See you soon.

Your pal, Jimmy the Hair Guy.

Did he that?

He told me he loves me.

It's not Ginnam's handwriting.

But hasn't he been listening?

He's got one seat left.

He doesn't need a ticket.

That's how all this started.

I wanted him to come down.

Well, whatever.

Jimmy, don't worry about it, buddy.

It was a bit.

Relax.

It's okay.

You don't have to come.

I was just about to ask you.

And I love you too, Jimmy.

Oh, Gene Hackman.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you read that search warrant?

No.

Woof.

Tell us what was on it.

Just don't go, woof.

We need facts.

So as far as they know, it happened at least two weeks ago.

Right, I read that.

Yeah, and they found like they were partially mummified.

I read that.

Yeah.

You get mummification in two weeks?

It looks like partially.

I thought mummification was something that man-made thing that they wrap you in gauze and shit.

Yeah, it's like to dry out the tissues.

But who wrapped them up in gauze?

They weren't wrapped up in gauze.

They're hands and I think they have to.

So it's just

like shrunken apples, kind of.

Okay, that's in the circle.

It's called mummifying.

That is not the proper term.

It's in the circle.

It's decomposing.

No, they said the faces were bloated in the corner.

I was saying it as a joke.

I think he's serious.

What's that?

Because I started saying, well, who's the one?

Oh, wrapping them up in a mummified.

Yeah, there's no way you can get mummified.

I think mummification is just like

taking out.

Right, but if they start to liquefy, if the organs start to liquefy and all the juices are probably leaking out,

then you start to dry up.

Yeah.

And how many weeks?

At least, at most two.

That's the last time that.

Mummification starts at two weeks.

Well, I'm just saying is that's the last time anyone had spoken to them.

That was the reporting parties, which were the landscapers.

Not a way for a legend to go out.

But he's 95

years old.

He was 95.

Here's the thing, though.

I read an article about him.

And he spent, he retired from acting a little over 20 years ago.

And the past couple of decades he spent in Santa Fe

putting himself into the community, being on the arts board.

He took up painting.

He wrote novels with a local author.

He worked with a gallery there.

He's part of the arts unit.

And I'm like,

man, something's going to kill you at 95.

You know what I mean?

Something's going to kill you.

But what a fucking great end to his life, man.

Like, to find the place you love and to be able to become part of it and just be creative with your last few decades.

It just sounded kind of beautiful for me.

Like I said, like not the very last one.

Yeah, but if somebody said, like, look, here's the downside of it.

You get to spend your last two decades in that sort of environment.

But here's the problem.

Some podcasts are a little bit debating if you're a mummy or something.

No, no, no.

Like, you're going to fucking, something bad's going to happen at the very end when you're 95 and you're going to end up dead on your floor for two weeks.

I'd still be like,

that's a good.

I'll take it.

Yeah.

I'll take it.

I've had two.

I've actually like, yeah, that's the, I know I got 95 pretty good ones

under my belt.

Two decades of just loving life.

I mean, those two weeks that he had spent on the floor, he didn't know.

He didn't know.

He didn't give a shit.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It seemed like it was carbon monoxide because him, his wife, and the dog.

I heard it's not carbon monoxide.

Not carbon monoxide.

I heard that the theory that he died

and then she committed suicide and killed the dog too, right?

Really?

So there's a theory.

Well, they're saying that.

Oh, you know, I should.

Yeah, fuck that.

That is fucking...

I just heard it.

I read it.

It doesn't doesn't matter.

You're acknowledging it's a theory.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not even a theory.

It's just online fucking gossip.

Yeah, they found the dog in the closet.

It's broke.

Disgusting.

I don't want to hear it.

Since they found the dog in the closet, they suspect it may have gotten into the pills and then went into the closet and passed.

Oh, man.

But there were two other dogs that were still alive.

One outside, one inside.

I wonder what that house is going to sell for.

I got a good dog story.

Better than this one.

Oh, you're looking at the show?

No, no, no.

How much time have you got going on?

12.

48.

48 minutes.

Yeah, actually, I wanted to ask you about going to plays.

Because you go to quite a few plays.

I've been to a couple plays in my time.

Not as many as Q, though, I don't think.

Well, Q goes for freaks, so I can't ask him.

I go to a place for freaks.

They don't give free tickets on Broadway.

Don't, they don't?

Every single show I've gone to, I've paid for it.

You paid for it, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Because I really want to go to see him.

I'm going to see Fatone in two weeks.

Oh, you're going to see him?

Yeah, I may want to see him.

I'm going to see Stranger Things in a few weeks.

That's awesome.

Oh, wow.

That's a pleasure.

That came over from London, huh?

Yeah.

Whoa.

It looks so good.

Who's going?

My missus and my daughter, Alicia.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Not Rub.

Rub?

Yeah.

Why would you?

You only go to concerts and he doesn't go to places.

Oh, I don't know.

I didn't know if you were.

Oh, yeah, I go places with him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But usually not the theater, though.

Okay, got it.

Go ahead.

I'm sorry.

What was your question?

My question is, why are tickets so fucking expensive?

I wanted to get tickets to go see Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.

And they were like for like mid-orchestra.

They were like $275 a person.

Is that average?

Because I mentioned this.

I went into a show

for 20 years.

What do you think a lead should pull down?

A lead in one of those?

What do you think you should get?

I mean, more than the minimum, I think, because these guys are big names.

Okay.

So that's what it is about.

I don't know.

All these guys are big, though.

Like everybody in the castle.

What do you think?

The musicians and they're not doing it for money, though.

I mean, they're not paid, but that's not the money.

No, these are all guys who have money already.

I think they're doing it because they love it.

But

the musicians in the pit,

the stage hands, the

theater rental is what you're paying for.

Yeah, I mean, it's an expensive.

But how much?

Two in chains?

$275.

That sounds perfectly.

It's not that much.

No, that's right down the middle.

Okay.

Yeah.

Especially for an orchestra.

You could sit in the top for those seats sometimes.

Yeah, like $110 if you sit at the top.

But splurge, baby.

Yeah.

Well, you see, you need to get the fuck out of the house.

Well, that's why I was just saying.

It's a story, maybe.

It could be a story, yeah.

Like, I mean, we're going up to New York.

Maybe I'll get mugged.

Somebody will set me on fire.

Hey, even if you don't, just say you did.

Yeah, that's true.

Yes.

I'll have Mary Beth swear by it.

That's a good fucking idea.

Just say you were falled down alley by some tough looking thugs.

That happened.

That happened.

Exactly.

Oh, I like it.

I like this.

So, going forward, like,

in a good way, people don't know if the stories we're telling are true or not.

In a good way.

I mean, I think they'll be able to tell, though.

I think I can decipher.

Sure, but listeners

should expect that.

Keep them

some of the stories going forward are going to be completely made up.

That's what we should expect.

I don't know how you twisted me saying that we're just not going to talk about world politics.

We're going to be lying about everything, people.

Get ready.

Hold on to your hats.

If we can start making up stories, I think that's cool.

I think embellishing.

Like you caught a fish and it became a giant.

I always felt that way, though.

I never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

I don't know if we were just going through the looking glass into like complete fabrication.

Like now we're saving people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Also, there's been some speculation recently that JFK might have been gay

with his buddy.

JFK?

JFK and his friend Lem Billings.

Here's a picture of them together.

Now, this is not really the kind of, like, Q, you and I have been friends for a long time.

Walt's been friends with you for a long time.

We've never taken a picture like that.

Yeah, but they're fucking around.

Look at the looks on their faces.

Dude,

I went down the rabbit hole on this.

There's probably 500 pictures that look like this.

With them just

increasing and broing down.

Yeah.

I mean, look, man, the guy, fuck Mal Monroe.

You know, what are we going to do?

So do you think he's just like, I'm bored of women?

Because it seems like it was like when he was younger.

It would have really changed my opinion of him even if they were like...

He always seemed like a fucking poon hound.

He did.

So maybe the poon's on men, that's

It says, although Joe Kennedy, the family patriarch, was reportedly suspicious of Billings' close relationship with his son, the Kennedy family welcomed Billings into their exclusive family circle.

And Billings said, John made a big difference in my life.

He may have been the reason I never got married.

And one historian wrote after the 63 assassination that Billings was probably the saddest of the Kennedy widows.

Well, I mean, would he be technically a widow?

Not technically a widow, no.

No, but it did make me then look up other gay presidents.

Well, who was the one that dressed up in women's clothing?

Jay or Hoover?

Hoover?

That was Hoover, yeah.

Supposedly.

But these are presidents that were allegedly gay.

I didn't know there were any gay presidents.

Me neither until I heard about this Jeff Kay stuff, and then I looked it up.

This is good.

This is good.

James Buchanan has faced speculation about his sexuality.

Yep.

He lived with his future vice president for more than a decade.

They were rarely seen apart.

Many commentators at the time remarked on the parish closeness, with Andrew Jackson referring to them as Miss Nancy and Aunt Fancy.

Do you think you're sick?

Sick parish.

How far away are we, Q,

from

an openly gay president getting elected?

Do you think it's like do you think it's 2025 or do you think we still need it?

I think politics talk to me.

Well, if you just say, well, I hope it's this year or in the next four years, then we're covered.

Yeah, that's what I hope.

Yeah, okay.

Go ahead, Brian.

Oh, really?

Because I was hoping to be a lesbian.

You guys in your gay

patriarchy.

You're right.

Think of that.

Yeah.

Why would I assume a man?

Yeah, I don't know.

We got work to do, boys.

We got work to do.

If anything, we've learned.

Why would you assume a woman?

You're just as bad as us.

I know, I'm sorry.

It's the third sex.

You're right.

Or boys?

You're heading into the quarters.

Let's see.

Where are you on that one, fucking asshole?

Shaking my head.

Yeah, you're not supposed to be doing that.

You're supposed to be the fresh Telemceed Dave finger wagger.

And these two were going off in questionable waters.

Now, I didn't see any of your fingers raised.

I apologize.

All right.

He can't raise his fingers anymore.

Not without fucking almost blacking out.

All the blood rushes to me.

There he is.

Balt, everyone.

Barack Obama.

Oh, yeah, remember that lawsuit?

Conspiracy theorists claim that Obama used basketball pickup games to pick up men and had homosexual trysts with Representative Arthur Davis,

Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick, and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist.

Alex Jones of Infowars, not surprising, took the joke to heart.

And it's popular, it's a popular conspiracy theory amongst homophobes, is what they say here.

Lyndon B.

Johnson.

Wow.

37th president.

Snoopy!

Is that because he would apparently bring people into him with the bathroom to show off his penis because it was so large?

That's not what it's saying.

The president just sucked 37 dicks in a row.

I put the beer through.

I'm 38.

My Dante voice.

How about Dante on this game show?

What's going on?

He's on this show called The Floor.

Yeah, Rob Logan?

Yeah.

He's on it.

Not only was he on it, he won 20 grand.

Get out of here.

I'm not sure if he's still on it.

He's a contestant.

Yeah, he was a contestant on it.

Hey, good for him, man.

As I say, congratulations, Dante.

By the time that gets into his pocket, that's a cool $8,000.

Right, nice.

Tax talk.

You kick it.

All right.

Now I have to learn to love.

If I have to learn to love taxes, this is fucking going too.

Lyndon B.

Johnson, they're saying that he was such a like...

anti-gay guy that they're like, you're probably gay.

Like, he was so like

into the persecution of gay people.

Alexander Hamilton, who never got to be the president, but he did have a scandalous personal life.

Yeah, but that was because he was banging a woman.

As well as his affair with a woman, doubt has also been cast over his relationships with men.

During the American Revolution, his letters to close friends grew more affectionate and flowery, with many describing Hamilton as feminine.

In one letter, Hamilton described himself as a jealous lover over his friend's failure to reply.

He says, like a jealous lover, when I thought you slighted my caresses, my affection was alarmed and my vanity peaked.

Yup.

Boner time.

Abraham Lincoln?

No, honest Abe?

Yeah.

I'm just going to assume all presidents are half-gay.

In early adulthood, he shared a bed with Joshua Speed, who later became a congressman.

Wait, what did you say?

I said, I'm just going to assume all presidents are half-gay.

That would be a good assumption to make.

Yeah.

And then Bill and Hillary Clinton, of course.

But Bill's such a pooonhound.

I don't see him as a.

But not George Washington, though, huh?

Not George Washington.

Nope.

These are the seven presidents that, well, six presidents and Alexander Hamilton.

I thought with that wig and shit and all the rouge, I always say, since I was a little kid, I was like, I remember asking my mom if George Washington was a woman.

Oh, yeah?

Wouldn't make sense.

Wouldn't make sense with the majority.

I was just a little kid then when I said that.

Yeah.

He looked like an old auntie.

Yeah.

He looked like Martha Washington, basically.

But he was a badass, though.

I didn't know it.

But he was a fortune.

Yeah, motherfucker.

He's a general in the army.

Hey, save this country

from the Brits.

Hey, UK talk.

Come on now.

Come on.

I know it was only

200 years ago, but still kids.

It's still raw.

We can't back down.

He insisted on inoculating his army against smallpox.

Also, Michelle Trachtenberg died,

which I was shocked at.

She's only 39 years old.

Yeah, that's true.

Do we know what happened to her?

Well, she had a liver transplant like

a couple weeks ago, and I think they knew that

death was a possibility

after this.

Is that a common liver transplant?

I know kidney transplants are and everything, but liver?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think livers are for like drunks, right?

A lot of times, alcoholics.

Apparently,

I have a cousin who

successfully she passed.

Okay, so it's hard to,

yeah.

With all the drugs you got to take for the anti-rejection and stuff.

And you can never stop taking those, right?

Yeah, no.

Oh, that's right.

That's just me speculating, actually, because the family didn't want an autopsy.

I guess they're Jewish, so they're like, no autopsy.

We just want a barrier immediately.

So we won't know if it was liver drugs or anything.

I like that little caveat there.

You caught yourself

that.

That's good.

That's good podcasting.

That was just you speculating, you said.

Oh, okay.

That is good.

It's good, solid science.

I can learn.

Yeah.

I can learn.

You guys want to hear dog stories?

Yeah, hell yeah.

Poor cue.

Just shaking his head, looking downcast.

Go save him until next week?

No, no.

You guys don't ever think about ending this podcast?

Never.

How are we going to end it?

Again, I mean, we could just end it.

You could drive over, you drive back to Staten Island.

You got a TV show to do.

Yeah.

Yeah, but how much longer is that gonna go?

You know, it doesn't look like this will be your only source of income.

You better dig in, you ought to dig your heels in, boy.

Yeah, or dress in a restaurant,

yeah,

okay.

You're

so do you remember years ago I rescued my neighbor's dog that got out?

Yes,

okay, so

that was had to have been

almost 15 years, it was at the very beginning of stages of telling Steve Dave.

Well, that neighbor moved that with that dog, and a new neighbor moved in with a dog.

And the other day,

my daughter Alicia was going out to early in the morning to Dunkin' Donuts, and she saw the neighbor's dog in the middle of the street.

And she rescued the dog and brought it back to that same neighbor's house.

Oh, yeah.

Fulfilling her, almost like

destiny.

It's about me.

I saved the neighbor's dog.

Now she saved the neighbor's dog.

I thought that was like some weird kismet shit going on.

You know, I thought it was like, you know.

Out of the same house is interesting.

Same house.

You know, same situation.

Dog gets out, needs to be rescued and brought back to the house by a Flanagan.

Flanagan's, man.

Yeah.

After rescuing canines.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Okay, that was the feel-good story.

Now I got a lighthearted one to take us out on.

See, that's where you should have embellished, though, because Alicia's like, hey, there's a dog.

Let me bring him back to his house.

Should have been like, the car's buzzing back and forth.

She was on a major highway, four lanes.

Yes, yes.

People come up and down your block pretty quick.

They do.

Yeah.

Essentially at like 6 a.m.

Yeah.

Everybody's late for work.

So fuck it.

But my feel-good story is,

so I have Teddy now, my French bulldog, my long-haired French bulldog, and he likes to go everywhere me and or needs to have somebody at the at the house to watch him nobody was home uh this particular evening and I went over to the pizza parlour that I always go to the pizza parlour that I save from a mini volcano a little midget volcano

I don't know if I can say midget now in this new Telm Steve Dave era can't say volcano either

it's very dicey

although I did see an official announcement to tell people to keep mulch away from their houses because it's been starting fires yeah it's like officially announced TSD makes the world takes.

But so, this same pizza parlour that I have gone in there and saved the plaza that they have a store in, I bring Teddy with me.

And when I get out of the car, we pull up and I get the spot right in front.

He jumps into the driver's seat and just puts his paws on the window and he watches me go in.

I'm just going to go pick up my order and come back out.

But we're so close to the window, you know, I could see him from

sure inside the store.

And that's when the car starts fucking going and he starts fucking driving.

Holy shit.

I'm like, fucking.

That's what you could do now.

I totally bought it, too.

I wanted to support it no matter what.

I was like, what kind of car is he driving?

I'm kicking into gear.

So I'm watching him from,

I sell what I'm picking up.

And I hear this voice.

And I am treated in there kind of like I'm invisible.

They really, they're not very personable in there in this pizza parlor, which is fine.

I don't need to be glad-handed.

Is it the one in the Walgreens Plaza?

No, it's the one in the Futane Plaza.

Okay, okay, yeah, I know.

So they're not very overly friendly, but that's fine.

I'm not there to, you know, I'd rather eat the pizza, but they're not really that friendly.

And

out of nowhere, I just hear someone say, How old's your dog?

And these guys never talk to me, so I don't assume they're even talking to me.

And I was like, Uh,

I realized when he's talking to me, I was like, Oh, well, he's about four now.

And he goes, Uh, he's a long-haired Frenchie.

I was like, Yeah, yes, he is.

And he was just like, What color is he?

And I was like, He's like white.

And before I could even finish that he gray, he goes, He's a blue long-haired Frenchie.

And I was like, Yeah,

he starts dancing.

And

this is real,

he starts dancing and going and gyrating, and he's going to his wife.

His wife works there too.

Babe, babe, they got a long-haired Frenchie.

And he's like, holy shit, bro.

He's like,

he's like, me and you, we're going to be fucking

rich.

I raise, I breed French bulldogs.

I have never come across a long-haired Frenchie.

He goes, he goes like, you are going to be, you're sitting on a gold mine.

Son.

And I'm like, I can't even get the words out.

And before I finally go, well,

I go, we're not really sitting on any money.

I said, I got him fixed.

And the dancing stops immediately.

He looks at me like,

what?

Why?

Why the fuck would you do that?

And I was like, well,

you know, the situation.

I start to tell him the history of the dog.

You're not a breeder.

I go, yeah, I go, you know, and I took the responsibility that I wanted to take the dog in and raise him and give him a good life, you know, because of the situation.

You know, it's sad.

His owner passed away.

I.e., the right reasons.

And I go, I would just feel terrible if I was like, you know, if all of a sudden I just started, you know, the guy that trusted me enough to take him in was like, hey, he found out I'm making money on the dog now.

It'd be for all the awful reasons.

I would feel like a heel.

I couldn't even get it.

Like, I want to say all this, but I can't even get it.

He's like, what the fuck?

What the fuck?

He's going to do it.

No, he's not angry.

He's fucking really upset.

And he's just like, I can't believe this shit.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe it.

He puts his hands in his head and just like fucking

he's going to get sick.

Oh, my God.

He's like, he's just shaking his head.

Why?

Why would somebody do that?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why would somebody do that?

And I'm like, I'm sorry.

I don't apologize.

Now I'm like, like defending my actions

to this guy.

And I'm like, you know, it just wasn't something we thought we would explore.

How presumptuous, though, that he's like, all right, we got a mate.

Like, like, without even asking you, like, if you, like, forget that Teddy's been fixed and everything.

Yeah.

What if you're like, look, I'm just, I'm not into breeding?

Like, that's one thing that people shouldn't be doing is like breeding their own dogs, you know?

Yeah.

You know, that's a good point.

I was just so taken aback that they were even speaking to me

that I was just like, wow, I can't believe it.

And now, after that, you know what they were talking about after I left that pizza parlor.

What an asshole you are.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, they probably are.

The biggest idiot customer they have.

Yeah, my ears must have been burning.

All that shit about saving the plaza.

Nope, nope.

They don't talk about that.

They just, I'm the guy now that fucking fixed the $10,000 dog.

Right.

Honey, make sure to spit his food next time.

Yeah, you almost can't go back there.

I didn't even consider that.

You really think that's a possibility?

Oh, no, no.

Oh, it's a possibility.

No, I'm not sure.

Probability, no.

No, the guy was going to be rich.

Yeah, like

he was rich in that moment, and then he's like, oh, fuck, he just ruined it.

Yeah, but it wasn't.

And the guy that killed his dream.

Even he has to realize it wasn't a personal thing that I did because

against him.

you should have just said you should have been like he was fixed when i got him yeah yeah you're right i should have that but going forward if this happens again yeah i will be like yeah fucking stupid fucking asshole yeah i could have

idiot

but can't he just get another one and use it as a breeding these are these are extremely hard

um long-haired fringes are extremely hard to come by they do retail for ten thousand dollars So

the previous owner, his son, brought the dog for her, and

they were pretty well off.

They'll afford a $10,000 dog.

And my vet even says when I came in the other day, she was like, I just can't get over this dog.

She goes, this is like the unicorn of dogs.

She said,

she goes, I heard they existed.

I've never seen one in real life.

He is a cool looking dog.

I do like that.

He's wild looking, but yeah, it's.

Yeah, but if all you have to do is buy one for $10,000 and mate it and have like a litter of puppies like aren't you gonna make your money back immediately?

I guess, but I don't know.

I mean, where are you gonna find someone that who would have thought that the guy who delivers pizza also fucking breeds French bulldogs?

French puppy.

No, it's a crazy one, but I don't think, you know, I don't think he was at right to curse at you in his place of business.

You were a customer.

You were there to do what you were doing, like what he opened his business for.

I just think his disappointment was on a fucking massive

ripped right out from underneath underneath him at the red carpet and all his dreams.

Because, what the fuck is really saying, how could you be so stupid?

Yeah, yeah.

He's not even hiding it.

No, it's basically like one word.

The guy has never spoken to me before that, and after that incident, he has not spoken to me once.

Even I helped door him for one day.

He didn't even say thank you.

Just bring out some bars.

Salts the ground you walk on.

When I lived in that area, I had a couple run-ins with their delivery drivers.

I stopped using them.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was just too much.

I like their pizza too much.

They can

call me stupid after I leave this restaurant.

It's okay,

I'm fine with it.

It's okay.

I get it.

You know, you had your hopes and dreams shattered by me trying to be a good person.

And, like, were these hopes and dreams prior, I guess?

Like, he was like imagining if he could.

He said that he's just like, he never dreamed that he would just walk up on one because they're that rare, he said.

And to have one just fall into his lap, he said, it was like he was dancing over it.

He literally was dancing.

Right.

Like his feet weren't even touching the ground.

He was that happy.

There's a lottery ticket that one of those fake lottery tickets.

Right.

And you flip it over and it's like sucker.

What a good run we've had, guys.

Come on, that's a story I would tell.

I'm looking forward to the start of a new podcast next week.

I mean, I'm looking forward to it.

Well, I mean, are we going to re-number it?

I mean, there's a lot of work that has to be done, right?

Who's going to be a little bit more comfortable?

Yeah, we'll talk about it during the time.

Maybe just keep it legacy numbered and then just put it in the title of a new number.

That's a good idea, too.

You know?

Yeah.

Asterisk asterisk.

Yeah, something like that.

It'd be great.

We got to spread it around that now you can get it on the ground floor.

Yeah.

We'll make 15-year-old references.

No one will get it.

Oh, I've got to stop doing that.

We've got to stop doing that too.

Yep.

Oh, boy.

That's the wheelhouse of an old guy like us, though, is making ancient references.

You know, we got to get get out of our comfort zone.

Oh, sorry.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Tell him, Steve, Dave, before you get it going again, before you get all riled up.

God forbid I should be comfortable.