#626: Can’t Lyft This

I walk in, he's like, Hey, what's up?

Got a frog.

Like, how big's your dick?

Guys, make this Valentine's Day one you'll never forget.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with all the stars, Walt Flanagan.

I'm here.

Yeah, he is.

And BQ.

Hello.

And, you know, he's without a mic and he's silent, but get him Steve Davis.

Davis here, nice.

The producer.

That's what he is now.

Yeah.

I mean, he needs a title, right?

I thought he was office coach.

Office coach?

I don't, I would not

giving him the title producer

is an absolute affront to all producers.

All producers throughout history.

It really would be.

I mean, if you're thinking that a guy.

He doesn't produce much, you're right.

He's

lined nothing up.

He does pull up stuff on the screen, though, sometimes.

Yeah.

To me, I feel that's a distraction, though.

It is.

Yeah, we start talking about it.

I think it's a detriment.

And then people aren't like, people are like, I can't see it.

Exactly.

So things are better.

Good work.

Get him.

Things are getting better around here, huh?

You're less frustrated with them?

They haven't gotten better.

They haven't been improving yet?

I don't think so.

Even after the performance review?

Did you?

Well,

have you seen any improvements?

Like, are you

sent that box for me?

I mean, I'm still riding high on that.

I mean, if that's all, I mean, if that's all it takes, then yeah, then, and if you're happy, then we all got to be happy.

No, I mean, you know, I didn't realize that.

Were me and you were happy that he sent the box too?

I mean, if it's a trickle-down effect, yeah, if he was happy, then

yeah, I wouldn't put me at the pinnacle of happiness here.

Like,

you know,

he did what I asked him to do.

I mean, that room looks clean back there.

He went back there.

He really cleaned it up, right?

Well,

there's shit back there that I'm like, why the fuck do we have like a wedding photo of Brian Rupert and his wife?

Is there a reason?

I got to fix that frame.

Oh, okay.

You got to fix a frame.

I'm just like, there's so much to fix.

So you can hang it in here?

Where are you going to hang it?

Oh,

I guess he's going to give it back to Rupert.

Yeah, he's going to give it back to Rupert.

Or Rub, as you call it.

Rubb is giving you tasks to do?

Fixing, yeah.

If you're going to talk to him, you better put a mic on.

And then on company time.

I don't want to at this voice.

Yeah, what happened?

I woke up with a frog in my throat.

You're not sick, are you?

Not that I know of.

Oh, God.

You just started back yesterday.

I'm fucking back to work.

I'm working nine-hour days.

What?

A frog can.

What if he's got a cold or something like that?

And I get it, and it manifests differently in me.

And I'm bedridden for usually worst case scenario with you with me

yeah I'm like a fuck a baby deer everything gets me sick

bambi

uh yeah no I don't know yeah I mean we don't have a window so all the germs probably are just festering you just festering you just surrounding you right now all right well new company policy if you if you got a frog in your throat stay home

he did yeah

what's he doing here now he's

home

you got to stay home if he's got a frog Yeah, you're right, but you got to let me know.

You got to tell me.

So I can't drive all the way out of here.

I walk in.

He's like, hey, what's up?

Got a frog.

What is a frog in the throat?

It's not a medical term.

What is it?

Like, what is it?

What do you have?

Going should set up a fucking mic just in case.

Just in case.

Well, I knew I sent it horrible, so I thought it was even worse to set up a mic.

But no, I just woke up and my throat was a little dry, and then it just started sounding like this.

So, yeah, no biggie.

I kind of sound like Froggy from no biggie.

It's just a raspy voice.

Until tomorrow when Q is like, hey, everybody.

You've been impractically joked.

God, it's probably fucking throat AIDS.

Could be.

It's going around throat AIDS.

All right.

Well, there's nothing I can do.

I'm here already.

Now you're here.

I can't see anything online.

Take some vitamin C.

Yeah.

And drink a lot of orange juice, and I'm sure you'll be fine.

And gargle with

some salt water.

Some salt water.

Okay.

Let me see.

And you'll be fine.

Are viral allergies or reflux?

Are the three main reasons?

Through a frog in the throat.

Yeah.

So, all right.

Maybe I got a two out of three chances that this isn't going to nail me.

That's good.

Odds are on your side.

I guess.

Sure, I'll take what I can get at this point.

Yeah.

All right.

What's going on?

I don't know.

I did want to ask you, speaking of Rubb, how was his Super Bowl party?

Was everyone in it?

Who was in attendance?

There was way more people in attendance than last year's.

There was about

10,

10 people there.

And last, the previous year, there was only like three.

So that...

was intimidating in itself that there was and all people I don't know all his Staten Island friends right Like, how big's your dick?

Was that mentioned on this episode or was that mentioned on Patreon?

Network, no, that was on the I think that was on this episode.

I don't know if that guy was there.

Was that guy the dick guider?

Oh, he was there.

Oh, yeah, he was prowling around.

He was real quiet.

He wasn't real animated, but the game was terrible.

So

that had a factor, I think, in the intensity of the gathering, too.

It was kind of, you know, just kind of laid back.

Nobody was real

into it because the game was so lackluster.

But there was a friend, Anthony, who

with the final score of the game won $5,000.

Get out of here.

Yeah, one of those boxes.

So that was the whole room was just hoping that he was that they scored.

No,

I didn't have, I wasn't under any illusions.

Just because I was in the room, this guy that I met a few times is going to give me.

yeah but it was it was funny not fun but it was fun to see him you know like kind of on the edge of a seat like if they score here and they had to get the two-point conversion two-point conversion makes it 5,000 missed the two-point conversion no money zero yeah so it was it was on the edge of your seat kind of moment in a game that had none of that

right so just like for your little gathering, that was the excitement for the night.

Yeah, and that was at the very end of the game.

I texted Tom trying to get him to some bad mojo because when the team was so off, his team was so far up ahead that half-imero, congratulations.

That's the kiss of death.

That's the kiss of death.

If he accepted it and been like, thank you, I was hoping I was just like he would respond to it.

He even told me like after the game, he's like, I wasn't touching my phone because I saw it come through.

I wasn't touching it.

But he didn't come down.

I thought there'd be more

presence from TSD town.

You said you were coming and you didn't show up.

No, I said I might come.

I might come.

But and then, like, when it came time, I was like, I don't know, I just don't feel like it.

It was too cold out.

I just didn't feel like doing it.

Yeah.

How was your Super Bowl weekend at the Keys?

It was good.

That looked like something.

Did you see it on Instagram?

I don't.

I'm not online.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, it was good.

I was down in Key West setting up stuff for the comedy festival.

Did you bartend?

I bartended at

this bar called the Bolly Bar for halftime.

It was fun, you know.

They asked me to do it.

They're friends.

I was like, yeah, you got it.

How busy was the bar?

It was,

it wasn't like, it wasn't like overwhelmingly, but it was busy.

Yeah, there was like

two or three people.

Any Tom Cruise cocktail shit?

No, I barely, I just popped.

Like, if they ordered a beer, I opened that and handed it off.

Like, when I got to make sure that you weren't flipping any fucking bottles and stuff, no, but I also wasn't charging people.

So, what do you think is more important?

You know,

to who?

The owner or the patron?

The people, yeah, to the patrons.

Why are the owners, though?

The owners are just like, we should not bring back Q next year.

That's fine.

That's their decision.

My first work Super Bowl ever.

Why are you charging people?

Like, I'm not working.

You put me behind the bar and tell people to ask me for drinks.

I'm just going to give them drinks.

If you can catch them and be like, all right, it's $5 for that beer, then that's what they were doing.

But it's like, I'm not going to sit there and be like,

give me $5 for this beer.

But why not?

Because

I'm not handling people's money.

I'm not taking people's money.

I'm there

as a promotional guy.

As a promotional guy, yeah, maybe the other people should have been.

Well, they were, yeah, like they were like martinis, you know, yeah, as they could, you know, but I was I was giving them away.

Right.

Were you saying it's on the house?

I wasn't saying anything.

Okay.

You're like, drinks are on queue?

No, I didn't say anything like that.

Okay.

I didn't say anything like that.

Yeah.

No, no, it was good.

I was, you know, very well-behaved.

It was good.

I did.

I did a good job handing out Pas.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I took a few pictures and then I got out of there for the second half.

Went to go watch it somewhere else.

Nice weather down there?

What do you think?

I

It was like 84 degrees.

And it was like nuts.

Like, I got to move there, dude.

It's like we're going like to all these businesses that we like were talking to about partnering on to.

We're going to have such a fucking blast.

There's only four tickets left, so that's it.

Oh, wow.

And we're going to have such a fucking blast.

And like, I would go to a bar at like 11 a.m.

and the manager would sit down to talk about like, you know, what event we were going to do there, whatnot.

And they'd just be like, want a beer?

Have a crazy lady.

They brew it down the block.

And like, we would just like, just start drinking.

And every meeting we went to, it was like one or two beers because you're meeting with these managers.

And then I was concerned that I was getting buzzes as day go on, but then I noticed like the managers were also getting buzzes the day goes on.

So it's just like fucking like 80-something degree weather.

Like, you just got like, you know, you're just having fun, setting up fun shit, talking to people, having a few drinks.

It's like impossible not to have a good time down there.

Yeah.

You really got to go out of your way.

You have to be a dick to go down there and not have fun, I think.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was great.

But so it was fun.

It was fun.

It's rough coming back.

Rough flying out of 80-something degree weather into Newark.

That's like 20.

With 30, yeah, 32 degrees, and then go all over the ground.

Grinding back to work the next day.

It was a rough re-entry.

But yeah, no, grateful for it all.

It's good.

Did you see the Chiefs after party?

Did you see any footage of that, Walt?

They had an after-party?

Yeah, I guess.

And they put footage on it.

How somber is that?

There were literally like three people at it.

Like, none of the Chiefs went.

Nobody went.

It was like this DJ guy who had been hired, I guess, at the last minute, like posted the footage.

And he's like, you know, when you get hired for the Super Bowl, but your team loses, and then it's, you know, the room is just empty.

And he's like DJing a little bit, but it's,

it was no glory for losing.

Not a good time, it seemed like.

Yeah.

Taylor Swift getting booed.

Swifty hates.

Yeah, what'd you think of that?

It's expected, right?

Why?

Why is it expected?

Because

she's been too much of a...

She inserted herself too much in the previous couple years, you think?

I think so, yeah.

I think the football fans are like enough of her.

But is that her fault or is it the fault of the fault?

And probably people who are against the Chiefs.

Yeah.

That's what I took it more of.

Right.

People who don't like the Chiefs would be like, well, fuck her.

But is it the network's fault for constantly showing her?

Like, she can't help it if she shows up to a game, the network keeps showing her over and over and over.

I'm not saying it's her fault.

I'm just saying that, you know, I'm not surprised.

But the network really,

I think, only showed her once.

Oh, really?

The entire game.

Yeah, I didn't watch the game, so I'm not too sure.

And, you know, she definitely didn't have

an upbeat face.

I saw a picture of her.

She had a pretty sour puss on.

Yeah.

Unhappy that her man was leaving.

There was speculation in the room

that...

in the room at the party that

that's it between her and Kelsey.

It's over now?

If he retires, because that's the rumor that Kelsey will retire, the room

speculated that

what's her Travis?

Taylor Swift?

Taylor Swift will not be able to date a former football player.

Really?

Why?

I don't know if I would think she would like the less attention.

That's kind of, I mean, I could see the rationale for that is that she needs somebody who's doing things and is in the spotlight still, kind of like that power couple.

Well, I'm doing things.

I'm in the spotlight.

She can call me if she wants.

She can come down to Q West if she wants.

Q West?

Yeah, get on that here.

I'm going to tell him he's not going to be shit.

But yeah, that was the thinking, though, in the room, that she will lose interest in a former football player.

But doesn't he have TV shows and podcasts and all that stuff?

I don't know if podcasts are the aphrodisiac.

I don't even say no.

Oh, come on.

What the hell, man?

You're the only one that fucking benefited from this shit.

That's true.

I guess you're right.

Yeah, that's what the room was thinking, though.

I don't know if I subscribe to that, though, but

if he just all of a sudden, though, just as like becomes,

gets a beer belly,

is not in tip-top shape any longer just wakes up at noon

you know doesn't shave or or or or shower for a couple days so he's describing him or me i forgot which one we're talking about at this point all of a sudden you know maybe he isn't as desirable why is he not showering for a few days like where's that coming from i lost when i lost my job yeah i went two weeks without showering really yeah i was just in a fucking funk how european of you

Yeah, you really,

you were that depressed, you couldn't even get in the shower for two weeks?

Yeah, there was no reason for me to get up early.

There was no well, there was no reason for me to get up at eleven.

Yeah.

But yeah, yeah, that's what happens when you, when you, that initial kind of,

you know, that time span where you where you lose that.

Not lo he's not going to lose it.

He has to walk away from it because of his age, though.

Yeah.

Travis Kelsey.

But yeah, there'll be a

transition.

There'll be a period where he has to adjust to the new lifestyle of not having to be Travis Kelsey professional football player.

Now he's Travis Kelsey Taylor School's boyfriend.

That's all he'll be known for.

I mean, this sounds pretty nice.

For him, it does.

Yeah.

But for her, perception is, oh, man, you're dating a has-been or a was-be.

You don't think Love.

But one of the greatest in the league, right?

One of the greatest of all time, but still.

Is he really?

He's considered one of the greatest teachers.

Greatest tight ends, yeah.

Him and Gronk are considered, you know, he's a legend.

So, you know, that goes a long way.

It does, but again, no, if you, if that legend is fucking sitting on a couch playing video games all day,

it's not the same cachet.

You're right.

You're right.

Well, let's see if he showers.

He's in his underwear.

You know, he's fucking got stains all over his.

This is how you were for two weeks.

Eating hors d'oeuvres off a plate on his belly.

Yeah, I just watched Mod Squad for fucking days on end.

That's all.

That was pretty awesome.

Just tried to make sense of everything in your head.

Yeah, and then I got over it, and I took a shower.

Did you?

I directed another matter, in other ways.

Oh, man.

We were watching, we were hate watching the new Secret Stash Pod today, me and Giddam.

Oh, really?

Which we do.

Were they started a new one?

No, it's the one they do.

It's

And I got to tell you, man, I will say, he can back me up on this.

I was, the energy levels that they bring, like right out of the gate, I was like, man, we don't have that kind of energy right out of the gate in our episodes.

Ours are like, we feel like we have to climb to get there.

They're right out.

They're out of fucking 60, right out of the fucking turn.

Right.

And they crash immediately.

It's like Pee-Wee Herman on a fucking motorcycle.

He goes right into the sign.

I think we get to 60.

Not every episode.

We don't get to 60.

But episodes where we do get to 60, it's probably like a half hour in, though.

We got to work on coming right out of the gate.

I told Gim this as a producer.

I was like, you got to work

and try to get us out of the gate at 60 miles an hour like fucking they were in this episode.

What were they all chatting about?

I don't know.

They opened up the show and everybody was giggling and fucking like a joke that was told off mic.

Right.

Everybody's talking really loud.

Are they saying anything?

Are they talking comic books?

They're talking old TV shows.

They're talking sitcoms.

All right.

I like that.

So we got to step up our game now.

But no, no, it's not our game.

I would not want,

I'm not looking to mirror their content.

Okay.

Just the energy level.

The energy level.

The smiles on the two co-hosts, Mike's two co-hosts, they literally look like their faces are going to fucking break.

They're smiling from year to year.

Yeah, okay.

And, you know, I noticed that we're not smiling from year to year and are kind of down.

But then we ramp it up, though, but it takes us a while.

We're a little bit older, though.

Than Mike?

Well, Mike's two co-hosts.

Oh, yeah, sure.

How old do you think that is?

I was going to say Mike's older for all of us.

They're in their 30s, so.

Yeah,

that's a big energy difference.

That is.

Do we, we, if we'd eat some Red Bulls, I know I told Giddam to stop putting bottles of water on the table, start putting shit on there that's going to bring the energy levels up.

Uh, wow, all right, I'll, I'll start, like, as I drive out here, starting up.

Yeah, I'll just play some loud music.

Just listen to the stash pod.

Yeah, the stash pod.

Oh, wow.

Oh, get him's becoming his producer.

He's putting something on the TV.

Here we go.

Here they are.

What's that guy's name again?

I forget his name.

Christian.

Christian.

Oh, that's He's a good guy.

He's a great guy.

Yeah.

I actually like him very much.

I like all three of them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, me too.

I never had a problem.

All right.

So, where are you going to direct this new energy, this really fucking bubbling over energy?

Oh, we're starting.

Okay, so we're watching these guys.

They are smiling.

Yeah, they're happy.

They're smiling, man, and they're just happy.

And Mike looks like he's the king of the world.

He's got a little swagger.

He does.

You can see it.

You can see it.

He's getting some swagger from

that side of the table, Brian.

I know.

I'm not giving enough swag.

I'm not giving any swagger.

Like any at all.

I got to hold the mic and cock my head.

Look to the side.

Well, you guys have to be ingratiating to me, too.

Like, it looks like he's got like

he's holding court there, you know.

You're right.

So, what I found is they laugh at anything and everything.

Okay.

So, whatever you say, we have to laugh like fucking

hyenas on ecstasy.

Okay.

I've seen that.

He looks good.

He got his hair.

He's looking sharp.

I think he looks better with facial hair, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they don't have ads, too, which, so that doesn't matter.

Oh, they are an ads, aren't they?

Like, so, do we have any ads this week?

We do have some ads this week.

If we do have ads, we got to fucking

with the energy of like a

36-year-old.

One of those hummingbirds, man.

Right.

You can't fucking roll into it.

You can't like

just

fucking roll into it like anything, like you just rolled out of a fucking coma.

Okay, I got to come.

My advertisers will appreciate it, too.

Like, you sound very psyched.

Very psyched.

Let's see what you got.

Let's see what you got first.

I'm excited.

I'm ready to laugh.

Oh, yeah.

No matter what he says.

Okay, well, you know what?

We're only 20 minutes in, but we'll knock these out.

No, don't say knock them out.

Oh, don't say that.

We get to do ads, right?

Not we have to do it.

This is an honor.

Yeah.

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Which is pretty sweet.

Pretty sweet.

That's not bad, man.

I think we nailed that one.

I think we got that one.

I think if I had a slide whistle at the ready, my energy.

Oh, we got one.

Really?

I think maybe a slide whistle would make me engage more.

Are you going to put your mouth on the whistle, though?

Well, I'll bring my own.

It's all right.

Don't go get him.

Yeah, I was going to say, you're going to use Giddam Slide Whistle?

What else?

With his frog?

With this frog and everything.

Yeah, really.

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Now you brought up Valentine's Day, which is tomorrow.

Tomorrow, yeah.

You got plans for

I got the same note for you.

Do you have any plans?

Because I know I don't.

No plans.

No, I don't celebrate Valentine's Day.

I just, I don't know.

I never have either.

Yeah, it's one of those holidays that I'm like, I'm not buying fucking roses at 10 times the amount.

So then I'm not going to go fight with people to eat dinner at a place.

That's what did it for me.

Like when I was in my early, early 20s, I took my girlfriend out to dinner, and it was like crammed in like cattle.

And I was like, I'm never doing this again.

I'm like, this is...

They put out extra tables.

They cram you in.

You're just sitting there with like couples all around you.

Everybody thinks they're going to get laid that night.

It's creepy and weird.

I'm like, yeah, I don't need this.

With that mindset, then, do you guys then

understand then if

the evening doesn't end the way you hoped it would end, like with like fireworks and earthquakes?

Wait a second.

So, like, am I under the understanding that might happen?

That it probably won't happen if you're putting no effort in whatsoever and you're like, I'm not taking you to a fucking restaurant.

I'm not buying you any gifts.

Take your clothes off.

Then you guys had to come to the, you know,

realizing it might not end with fireworks and the earth moving.

It's a Friday night, Sage isn't home.

It's ending with fireworks.

Oh, it's happening.

So you believe they would be just as,

you know, impactful if you were doing absolutely the same thing you've done for 364 days a year

on Valentine's Day.

Probably not.

There's only 52 Fridays a week, though.

Yeah,

there's only 52 Fridays a year.

Maybe not, but I don't know.

What do you got planned?

I'm just going to mirror everything you do then.

You can't use my situation right now.

Usually, 99% of our meals in a car.

Really?

Now, where are you going to eat that?

You're not going to

be able to do it.

I'm going to go to the Texas Roadhouse or something to eat in the car.

No, no, but we'll go to Red Robin, eat in the car.

We'll go to Chick-fil-A.

We'll go to...

A whole bunch of places, but places like Texas Roadhouse, that's a little bit more difficult.

It's harder to cut your meat in the front seat of a car.

Steering wheel in the way.

Yeah, it's difficult.

But we'll probably just do something simple.

Did you get her anything?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got her gift.

Yeah, I went yesterday.

Got a gift.

Wow.

No gifts?

No.

Romance.

I don't even acknowledge that.

I wouldn't even acknowledge that I'm working until like 9 o'clock at night.

Wow.

It is not one point in the day that you can break away from work.

There's not any point in the day I want to break away from work.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's the key.

That's the key.

Yeah.

It's not that you can't.

So you can't use work as an excuse, though, then.

I'm not using anything as an excuse.

That's what you just said.

I'm working all day.

I can't.

Yeah, no, no.

I said before I don't celebrate it.

Like, I wouldn't take it.

Not even a little, like, here, just like, here's a little

heart with candies in it.

Here's four dildos from Adam and Eve.

Only cost me 20 bucks.

In 25 years, I have a chocolate.

You like that, right?

In 25 years, I have not ever bought a single Valentine's Day present.

Yeah.

Have you gotten any?

I get cards.

I bet you I won't get anything either.

Okay.

Not a really good one.

I mean, not from anyone I've been in a relationship with, but I'll get nice cards from fans with hearts on it.

Superman and Lois Lane flying around.

That's nice.

I look forward to that.

All right.

I mean,

you could

lucky to have such romantic fellows.

They really are.

Yeah, she got into it knowing that I'm not a romantic.

Right.

Never was.

Never will be.

And hang dong.

It's all the romance I need.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Welcome to Staten Island.

Oh, yeah, I forgot True TV made those Valentine's Day cards with us years ago.

Oh, Lord.

Yeah.

So, nope, no plans for tomorrow except sitting in.

I did go to AC over the weekend.

Oh, yeah.

How was it?

Your podcast thing.

Uneventful.

Really?

Yeah.

I didn't really do that much with people.

I wanted to play poker, but I didn't know what time they were playing, so I missed out on it.

But

the excitement of the entire weekend was

Mary Beth is playing that Frankenstein machine, you know, that slot machine, Frankenstein.

So she's playing it for a while, playing it for a while, and there's a guy sitting next to her playing at the machine to the left of her.

And he plays like maybe

three spins and then wins $7,500 for her.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

And I was thinking, I was like, goddammit, if only Mary Beth had sat over one,

you know,

maybe she would have won.

But she, believe me, she heard it.

She heard it out.

But she only plays like 60 cents at a time.

This guy was playing $6 at a time.

So I'm thinking that probably has a lot to do with it.

Yeah.

She would have never won the big money anyway.

So I chastise her for that as well.

But she did manage to lose $150, so that that was good.

Oh, there you go.

Only $150.

Well, first it was $250, then she won $150.

I mean, then she won $100 back.

Well, that $150 is her flowers and chocolates.

Yeah.

That's what she gets.

What did she get?

She got a trip to Atlantic City.

She got how much was that?

I don't know.

I mean, at least like, you know, $150 a night, almost $200 a night for the room.

Two nights you stayed.

Two.

Two.

Yeah.

Okay.

We got some.

I mean, food down there, I don't care what you eat.

I got a fucking,

uh what is it uh a cheese steak

20 bucks yeah dude it's it's crazy everywhere by the by the time i pay for both of us it was like fifty dollars a person every time we ate regardless of what it was yeah it's like that everywhere it's it's unbelievable how expensive things are it's fucking nuts yeah it makes me not want to go back there because it was really just like i don't know i'm just i think i'm done with ac for a while yeah yeah unless there's a reason to go like like in practical jokers show or something like that

other than that though, I'm just like, because I don't really like to gamble because I'm like, I'm not, I'm not a good gambler.

I'm not going to win any money.

And I don't find it fun to lose money.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've always found with gambling.

Like,

anytime I get near,

like, anytime I get over 500 bucks losing, I start sweating balls.

And then if it's 1,000, I'm like, my night's ruined.

So I don't have the guts for gambling.

Yeah, I wish I could find a little machine like you had, Walt, the blackjack game that you played for.

At Borgata, I didn't see any.

Oh, you had to leave one of the many casinos and go to a different one.

Yeah, I'm not doing that.

Borgato is not on the boardwalk, it's like up.

Yeah, it's in its own little area.

Yeah, it's in its own little place.

So I'm not going to get the car and then go down and all that other shit.

Fuck that, man.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuck it, man.

Why?

So she could lose more money in another casino?

Yeah.

It sounds like a blast.

It really does.

I watched

it.

Every day is Valentine's Day.

Yeah, it must be.

You can't just celebrate one day when every day.

She went and played slots, and I watched a documentary about the Aryan Brotherhood in Texas on HBO.

To me, that was fun.

I was like, this is all right.

But what is being out of your, like, why is like...

Wouldn't you rather watch that at home?

No, I got to get out of the house sometimes.

I'm home way too much to the point where I stir crazy.

I got to watch TV someplace else.

Yeah.

When you pick up that TV

and you're not at home,

totally different experience.

I got to get out of here.

I got to go watch TV in another fucking

town.

Same state.

Let me drive an hour and a half.

Oh, yeah, you got the Frankenstein game up.

This is what he does, and this is what he causes distraction.

This is not a good producer.

Yeah, yeah.

yeah.

Just kill the TV for him.

Let me very quickly thank everyone who bought Pam's book, too.

Very nice.

Oh, yeah, very good.

Very nice of you, Q.

Very nice of everyone who went out and bought it.

I know she was taking some hits for the cover.

People want a Walt Flanagan cover.

I actually really dug that cover.

Did you really?

I just found it so mesmerizing.

It's just like, this is so interesting.

Like, I want to know who.

It was her friend who's now deceased.

did she have a lot of input in that?

Oh, Pam, yeah.

I don't think she just let the artist do whatever she wanted.

I think she let the artist do whatever she wanted because she had a whole bunch.

Like, the original plan was to put a whole bunch of illustrations in the book until I was like, Look, I don't think it's that means it's more expensive,

and you don't want more expensive when you're self-publishing.

So, if I were you, I would leave all the illustrations out.

So, she just used the cover, and the but the lady died a couple years ago, it was a friend of hers.

Yeah, I thought the cover was

really

perfect for

that kind of small press kind of like to notice me.

It's hard not to notice it just because it's so unusual.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I look at that cover and I'm like, I see Jimmy the hair guy's next tattoo.

It's not a bad idea.

You know what I mean?

He is up for it.

If she does a second printing, then we can discuss

a Wolffeon again variant.

Okay.

There you go.

Nice.

You know you're out of it.

There's no chance for a second print?

I doubt it.

Is it print on demand or is there already a print?

Is there a print runner?

I think there's a printed run, but it's very small.

Like, I don't know, maybe like a hundred copies or something.

How many?

A hundred maybe?

So we could, we, if we do a bonus pod

for anybody who shows proof of that that fucking that first run of books, that 100 copies is

a blow out of them.

If we do a bonus pod, we could do that.

Have Pam on it?

Sure.

Oh, yeah.

Talk about her inspirations,

the literature that she grew up on.

What was she inspired by?

Yeah, all right.

What was her end game?

You know, like

when's the sea?

How's the sequel coming along?

I believe it's coming along well, yeah, from what I understand.

Good for her, man.

Yes, no small feature.

It's definitely an achievement, especially when you've worked on it for decades.

Yeah.

Yeah.

To finally say I'm done is one of the hardest things on the planet.

Because you constantly are second guessing.

Tinkering and you want to refine things.

George Lucas can never do it and he made Star Wars.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Q, I wanted to tell you, because you probably, well, well, you also, you watch animal videos on, well, you're not online now, you say.

Well, yeah,

I do like, but our producer over here has been fucking sending me horrific animal videos.

I told him I liked elephant videos, and he starts sending me shit about elephants getting fucking beat and shit.

Oh my God.

What was the one you sent me?

Or some they killed something, like, killed a lady or something, they killed a tourist.

Yeah.

I was like, I only want cute fucking animal videos.

Fuck nut.

Yeah.

I've seen, or I, because, you know, you see all these, like, hey, this person saved a kitten.

This person saved a little fox.

This person saved.

And I read online that what people are doing is they're purposely putting these kittens and these puppies in peril so that they can go and save them

for likes.

And then when you get more likes, you get more money, I guess.

There's a special place in hell.

Fucking pieces of shit, right?

Because like it made me, I looked it up because I watch them all the time and I'm like, how do these people constantly just stumble across animals in peril, you know?

And so I was watching one and it's like this kitten in this mud.

It's like covered in mud and it's like in a mud hole and like barely like able to get out.

It's like, meow, meow.

So they save it.

They take the kitten out.

But I'm like, how is this person have like a little container and a blanket and they just happen upon this kitten in the mud?

But you know for definitively that they faked it.

No, I don't know that they faked it.

Well, this is just your older.

This is what made me think that the fake.

It just looks fake.

All right, but you don't know for a fact.

No, not that one.

No.

Okay.

But I did.

I was like, I Googled fake animal saving videos, and

sure enough, that's what people do.

God.

Poor cats, dogs, parrots, whatever the fuck they're doing.

Yeah, it's mostly like a lot of like wildlife, but like those are the those are the ones where you can tell like a coyote is trapped in a fucking in a snake like a fence or something

or something like that.

A deer is like I saw a raccoon that got caught up in a car cover and they had to cut the car cover away to save them.

And it always seems like after that, the animals are so thankful that they hang around forever.

I would love to have me a raccoon or a baby deer or something hanging around the house.

They come to my house every night, man.

Yeah, well, you feed them, right?

Yeah.

Well, whatever the cats don't finish during the day, the raccoons.

The

I mean, they're not scared of me.

Like, I could walk right up to'em and stuff now.

Yeah.

So, you know, dude, just keep doing it.

You'll get it.

Yeah, there's something about, like, when when I lived at the

Crooked House

over in

Fort Monmouth,

there's something to, like, getting those squirrels to take that peanut out of your hand.

Yeah.

You're just like, yeah, man, I'm fucking communing with nature, motherfucker.

It's great, dude.

Yeah.

I got one of those bird buddy

bird houses.

Have you seen this?

It's got a camera in it so you could see, you could watch the birds eat.

It's just great, man.

Yeah.

I just put it on the TV.

I let the birds come and they just eat.

But that just jogged my memory about the squirrels.

I don't know if it's around here, but I know when I was in Colorado, they said that squirrels carry bubonic plague.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, so you shouldn't be feeding them if they scratch you when they're with their claw or something.

taking that peanut they might be a carrier but i don't know if it's squirrels out on the east coast though i don't think statin Island squirrels.

Have people.

Yeah, they got water between them and all the other squirrels, you know.

Was it a specific kind of squirrel?

Or was it just gray squirrels?

I'm sure our producer.

No, he's not.

Okay, good.

Tony fucking gem quest.

He's looking up elephant stomping videos.

You really are, hey, you fucking end rope with this guy, huh?

You can't even contain it.

What?

What did i say

are you saying that that's not that's not true what no i'm not at my rope's end yeah all right what made you say that

i don't know just the way you look at it just the look in your eye and the terseness

he's played jump questions

brown squirrels and other rodents can carry bubonic plague a serious disease that can affect humans the park rangers warned anybody and there were signs do not feed the squirrels they have bubonic plague yeah they might be carry bubonic plague Black death, cue.

What do you get?

I mean, surely there's a cure for it by now, though.

Surely, but do you want to take the chance that there is, you know, just because you're able to fucking have a rascal take a peanut out of your fucking hand?

So you know you're foaming at the mouth.

Some days all I have is that fucking squirrel taking a peanut out of my hand.

I can't give it up.

I can't give it up.

I won't do it.

Yeah, although I've been following the bird flu stuff because they give like um

warnings on when you should stop feeding the outdoor birds so that they don't give each other the the bird flu.

So I sometimes I'll have to stop feeding them for two weeks until you get you you know, you get the okay from the what what happens if you feed'em?

Well,'cause they all congregate

and then they pass the bird flu to each other.

Congregate on your land, you mean on your lawn?

Yeah, because you're gathering all you're giving all these birds like a party, essentially, and they're they're getting sick.

So everybody's supposed to not feed them for however long they tell you not to to, like, you know,

flatten the curve.

So, what do they do for those two weeks?

What do they eat then?

Because aren't they relying on humans?

No, then they forage for like, you know, trees and nuts and stuff, but they're doing it separately.

Birds eat nuts?

Sure.

Yeah, fucking blue jays eating half the peanuts I put outside.

Oh, yeah.

Blue jays are notorious for them.

I just didn't think they can get a nut down their gullet.

Dude, you'd be insane what these guys can do.

And the blue jays sound fake,

they fake their voice, so they sound like hawks, and they scare away the other birds, and then they come in and they get the peanuts.

What about worms?

I thought birds in the sky.

Sure, they're sure they love them.

Are they just eating anything?

Are they just like scavengers' birds?

Yeah, I think they're just like seagulls, are right?

They'll eat just anything that's available.

Well, yeah, I guess.

Okay,

they're probably also eating worms, you know.

I'm not doing that, though.

No, you can go down to Walmart,

get some worms,

put them in my mouth, take them out,

baby bird it.

Yeah, yeah.

You're worried about the bird flu?

No, no, I'm not worried.

I just try and do what you're worried about a frog, and you're not worried about the bird flu.

Well, you know, a bird flu is like, how am I?

I don't know that I'm going to catch it.

It's a, I don't, all I'm saying is the difference between a bird that flies in to eat some seed and a dude who wakes up sick and fucking goes into a windowless

room that's baking.

Like, it's a little bit of a damn thing.

What's going on over there?

What's going on over there?

What's up, that's all.

So I've got to to play fucking bejeweled.

That would be sick.

High-path bird flu can enter your home and infect your cats.

That's not good.

Yeah, that's got to be careful.

I got a cat problem, man.

What do you got?

I got a cat that lost a lot of weight.

Salem?

A black cat?

Yeah, he lost a bunch of weight, and we brought him to the vet the other day, and they said it's something with his liver.

Oh, yeah, socks has that.

Does she?

It's just an advanced age.

You know, it's the...

Yeah, he's only 10, though.

It seems like young for a cat, doesn't it?

10?

Liver and kidneys is what fails on cats.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's hard to keep her

weight on socks because she's so not, she doesn't have much of an appetite.

So it's a constant battle to get her to eat.

And she, you know, she gets all bony and everything.

And it's like, he's bonnet, too.

I was petting him.

Like, I was petting him a week ago, and I was like, Jesus Christ, when did he feel his spine?

Because, yeah, I could feel his spine and his ribs and stuff.

The socks were only eating prepared chicken, like hot prepared chicken.

If that that chicken then sits overnight, like, you know, we put the extra for breakfast.

Yeah.

Turns your nose out.

It has to be freshly prepared chicken.

Fresh chicken.

Wow.

Yeah,

he's been stealing the kittens' food like he likes to eat the kitten's food.

And for a while,

like in the beginning, I was like, Sam, get out of there.

You know, get out of, leave the food alone.

But now I'm just like, go ahead.

Anything you want.

Anything you want to eat.

Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah.

I remember before in the last few years of Benjamin's life, his spine was like shark fins.

It just came through.

Yeah.

And it's all the liver, yeah.

That's what they said, too.

That was the liver issues.

Well, this is they're not talking about shit like this on the Secret Stash podcast, bud.

No, that's why they were able to keep the energy up and everything like that.

They're just talking about those fucking dumb looks on their faces, yeah.

Fun stuff, like we're over here talking about dead animals and fucking bird flu.

All right, all right, let's turn this bitch around.

Yeah, all right, all right, something fun to talk about.

Okay, let me see.

What else do I got here?

I mean, we do have uh Jimmy the Hair Guy's demands

from

the fifth.

Oh, this is ongoing, is it?

It is, yeah, because Jimmy the Hair Guy.

Let me see.

I haven't heard from him.

No?

Not directly.

Does he have your number?

No.

Okay, well, that's a reason why you didn't hear from him.

How would you have heard from him then?

It would be upsetting if I did hear from him.

But yeah, he has gotten to me through three memories of Tom Steve Dave Town, and

he seemed very concerned.

Rightfully so.

But I don't think he should be concerned.

How does it affect him at all?

Well, he doesn't want to upset, rock the boat,

if you will, you know, Q's boat.

Yeah.

He doesn't want you

writing him off for any future things.

If, you know,

if you are even slightly irked, you know, he worries that he won't get the invite for the next thing.

Well, you know, he won't.

He's right.

He's right about that.

You know, I brought him on the cruise and

now with this, I thought he would come.

And now that's it.

It's fine.

He doesn't have to come to things.

This is what he says.

I don't know why Q thinks I need a paycheck to be there.

Michelle didn't want to spend the money on the hotel and flight, so that's what's stopping me from going.

Which is fine.

There's a juggalo event that weekend I was going to go to instead, but I can bail on that for Q West in a heartbeat.

I'd do anything for Q.

I just can't afford the fucking trip.

I'm sweating fucking bullets.

Oh, man, he doesn't have to sweat.

He's sweating bullets, Jimmy.

You do not have to sweat any bullets, bud.

If it's said on the air, for God's sakes,

you shouldn't be sweating bullets.

You know, kind of goofing, buddy.

That's what I said through LaDon, though.

I was like, just tell him I'm goofing.

Yeah.

Just doing a goof.

Like, relax.

It's fine.

I didn't even think I was that hard on him.

I was just asking questions.

What was presented to me?

On Jimmy the Hair Guy?

Yeah, I just said what Chuck said.

I didn't come in here like angry and stuff.

I literally was like, this is what I heard.

Let me hear some opinions on it.

He has representation.

Yeah.

He's got representation.

He's got an agent.

This is from Johnny Law.

I hope this message finds you well.

This is to wall.

I am reaching out to formally introduce my client, the exceptionally talented entertainer, Jimmy the Hair Guy.

If your event is seeking that it factor, a dynamic presence to energize a crowd and set the tone with unbridled energy.

Sounds like a secret stash pod.

Then look no further.

Jimmy is the perfect addition to your lineup.

My industry insider contacts has informed me that Brian Q Quinn is curating the entertainment roster for Q West, aiming to feature only the most engaging and high-caliber performers.

Given Jimmy's reputation and the electrifying stage presence, he would be a valuable asset to this historic event.

And then there's a list of what he needs.

Oh, a rider.

It doesn't seem like it's that much.

Okay.

VIP access for the duration of the event.

Obviously, he'd have that, yeah.

Round-trip airfare.

Okay.

Hotel accommodations.

Okay.

Full access to the mansion.

Okay.

Potential appearance fee to be negotiated.

You can negotiate that down to zero, I bet.

He would also be the towboy for the duration of the event.

Well, there is.

We are having a party at this fucking

pool club.

That's awesome.

So he probably would be able to come.

I would love to have Jimmy the hair guy dry my nuts off.

Yeah.

All right.

Now, all right.

Now we're talking.

Now, now he's putting something actionable forward.

Okay.

We appreciate your time and consideration.

Look forward to the opportunity to collaborate.

Please let us know how we can move forward in making this happen.

Best regards, Johnny Law.

That's nice.

What a guy.

What a Johnny Law.

I told Johnny if he really wants to start representing Tell him Steve Dave Town residents,

the guy he's got to get, if he wants big bucks, I don't know how much he's getting, if he's getting 10%

from Jimmy, but

the key acquisition would be Sunday, Jeff.

I think

that would be you get.

If Johnny Law nailed him as a client?

Yeah, and then he was representing Sunday as because Sunday never goes anywhere.

So then if he goes to an event, ants will

lose their minds.

It's true.

I was looking at Twitter the other day, X, whatever, and it was like, who's your favorite SD town resident?

And Sunday Jeff popped up a lot.

Yeah.

People love Sunday.

And

you can't see him anywhere.

Unless you go to the staff on Sundays.

But like in Florida, you're not going to see him.

No.

But like, so if like, if he was at Q West, those four tickets, they'd be gone.

They'd be gone.

I agree.

Well, that's the other thing.

I don't want to open up negotiations with Jimmy until the tickets are gone because I don't want him to think that we need him to sell tickets.

Oh, that's a smart tactic.

Yeah.

Whereas Sunday Jeff, if he would sign on,

him, I would give flight, airfare.

And an appearance fee?

And an appearance fee.

Whoa.

Sunday Jeff,

I'll go in my pocket.

Sunday Jeff likes to travel and he's not afraid to fly.

I mean, if Sunday Jeff's willing to do it, I mean, sure.

I mean,

what am I, an asshole?

Obviously, I would want Sunday Jeff.

Yeah.

Then I got to come up with something to task Sunday Jeff with for space monkeys.

Yeah.

I was like, what, like, he's already been on stage.

Has he?

Has he been on stage?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, we did the

gravity, right?

Yeah.

All right.

Let me see what you guys think of this.

This is the first thing that comes to mind with Sunday Jeff.

Like, do a raffle.

Like, we've talked about how the golf carts, you could cruise around the streets at night, and it's like really sweet, beautiful, calming.

If like we raffle off a 15-minute ride

with Sunday Jeff just cruising around the streets of Key West, to talk to Sunday Justice.

Just talking about an intimate ride.

Intimate conversation.

You know, somebody will be a driver up front, a chaperone, you know what I mean, who won't say anything, just keep him mouth shut.

And we'll drive Sunday Jeff and this lucky winner, guy or girl, around for a 15-minute cruise around Duval.

And what do you charge for that raffle ticket?

That's a good question.

What do you think?

$10?

$10 is the number that popped in my head.

Yeah.

What's the money go to?

You?

Well, you took afraid to cost a Sunday Jeff.

Yeah, sorry.

It's got to go to pay for Sunday Jeff.

You know what?

We'll do

a split that's favorable to Sunday Jeff.

You know?

All right.

So, you know, Johnny Law, if you want to get another client on and get him down there,

that's worth the money.

Johnny will be there, too.

He's coming?

Yeah.

He'll be in Florida.

Oh, it's going to be great.

Wait, he's going to to the event, though?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

That's fucking phenomenal.

Yeah, I didn't know that.

Oh, you guys didn't know that?

No.

Oh, that's cool.

Oh, shit.

You mean he just went?

He just bought a ticket and went?

Yeah.

Oh, what a novel.

Novel fucking thing.

Oh, he's a lawyer.

Not a fucking

postal worker.

Yeah, a part-time postal worker.

The Tony Sarkanth is going.

The guy who built the robot.

Oh, really?

I got word he's going.

Yeah, there's some

novels going.

Oh, he is super talented, man.

MJ is going, you know, with the red hair and the.

Oh, get out of here.

They're going?

Yeah, they're going to go.

Oh, very cool.

MJ and Savon are going.

All right.

So

there's a nice contingent.

I'm sorry, Jimmy.

The hair guy doesn't.

You felt the need to hold out and play hardball.

It's okay.

No problem.

It's no problem, Jimmy.

Jimmy, don't worry about it, buddy.

There'll be no repercussions.

I'm only kidding.

I feel like I have to be clear with Jimmy because he sounded really upset.

Like, I'm kidding, bud.

You're fine.

Do you remember I got that, I had those track suits a couple years ago?

I bought a couple track suits.

Yeah, they were the Valor ones.

Yeah.

Now, one of them is a Puff Daddy, a Diddy.

Yeah.

Now,

is that still okay to wear?

What does it say on it?

I think it says, what does it say?

Might say Sean John on it or something.

It says, whatever it says on this upper left breast area, yeah, it identifies him.

If I'm you, I slap a four-gold and's patch on that yeah just celebrate it you're good to go you're good to go it's true it's all that identifies he had his own brand of track suits yeah oh wow

yeah but you was expensive huh uh that wasn't really that bad i think it was like 110 for both pieces so it's it wasn't really like that much

did you see that the they identified the identity of uh jack the ripper no what really yeah is that for real yeah dude i look at the news every day and i never see this shit where are you finding this saw it it online.

Really?

He was a 20-or-a 23-year-old barber who was under suspicion.

And eventually he was put into a mental institution for what they think now would be

deemed schizophrenia.

Right.

But he is, somehow they have DNA.

I don't know how they would have DNA for all these many years later.

But yeah, you could Google it.

It's

yeah, they said it's a 20-year-old, 20-something-year-old barber who was under the cloud of suspicion at the time.

Wow, but but I mean, you feel like this would be

bigger than everywhere.

I thought so too, and that made me think: like, is this just something that just it's been so long that nobody cares anywhere?

I don't know, it's Jack the Ripper, man.

He's literally like the most famous serial killer in history.

I think that would be big.

It wasn't that big, the maybe it's a theory.

Do you

just another theory?

No, no, it was it's true.

It was, I saw it, it was in the news.

Do you wish that it had never been solved?

I think we're so far removed from it.

It's been so many centuries later that the victims and the victims' families are all gone.

So there's no like

there's nothing for those people.

So you can say, like, I wish there's some mysteries that don't get solved.

There needs to be mystery.

I agree.

I think like if it turns out to be some fucking schizo barber that I wish wish we never found out.

But if it was, like, some rich Lord

whose reputation takes a hit,

then I'm, then I want to know.

Right.

This guy, Aaron Kaminsky, was found to be a 100% DNA match to Jack the Ripper.

But how did they have his DNA?

A descendant of Kaminsky made the revelation possible, so that familial DNA.

What are they comparing it to?

I don't know where the.

There must have been clothing maybe that was saved.

Let's see.

Is it a confirmed match?

According to the mail, a legal team was hired to gain an inquest after a 100% DNA match was found.

Descendants of both...

Okay, so this

looks like somebody who was related to one of the

victims.

Oh, okay, so here you go.

Historian Russell Edwards said that he has identified Jack the Ripper as Aaron Kaminsky through a DNA match of a shawl found at the scene of one of his murders.

So I guess there was some, maybe he got some blood on it or something.

Kaminsky, who was age 23 at the time of the murders, has long been considered a suspect.

He had schizophrenia and was in a mental asylum at the time of his death in 1919.

Thanks to Kaminsky's oldest brother's great-great-granddaughter, the revelation was made after they provided a DNA sample.

Okay, I mean,

all things being even, like if they found his DNA on the crime scene and he was a suspect anyway, that sounds pretty good.

It sounds like they solved it.

It sounds like they, I mean, you know, there might be more to this that I'm not seeing, obviously, but

in fact, there definitely is more to it.

But I'm willing to right now, for the sake of this conversation, be satisfied that they caught Jackson.

Oh, they got him?

Yeah.

No picture of him or anything.

Yeah, like no painting or like one of those weird old-timey pictures.

Komitski's?

Is he Polish, this guy?

Kaminski.

Kaminski.

I don't know.

I believe so, yeah.

I can't imagine that.

Polish immigrant who came to Whitechapel in 1881.

How many photographs would have survived from your great-great-great-great-grandfather who was fucking institutionalized?

Probably not many.

Probably not many.

But even like bad guys in the old West, you know, at least there's always those old pictures of them.

Well, you see, this guy found a photo of Billy the Kid playing polo and sold it.

He bought it for like 10 bucks and he just sold it for $2 million.

Really?

It's like only a second confirmed photo of Billy the Kid.

It was him and and the regulators playing polo.

Wasn't Billy the Kid a bad guy?

Yeah, it depends on which way you want to look at it.

I thought the regulators were good guys, so why are they playing polo with him?

No, he was one of the regulars.

He was one of the Lincoln County regulators.

Oh, I thought the regulators were regulators.

Yeah, that was them.

They were fighting corruption

with an outlaw?

They were all outlaws, man.

Oh, okay.

I haven't seen that movie in a long time.

I don't know if the movie's that accurate.

I love those movies, though, dude.

Young Guns 1 and 2 is like, I legitimately love those movies.

They were like those part of those movies in my childhood that I was like, man, I fucking made me love Westerns, those movies.

I must have got my ass kicked over Young Guns 2.

Yeah?

Yeah.

There was a guy who used to come to the video store way back, you know, when I worked at Quick Check and RST.

And he,

the day before, he said, hey, hold on to Young Guns 2 for me tomorrow when it comes out.

And I I said, sure.

So I held on to it, held on to it.

He never came.

I closed the store, and somebody, like at the last minute, somebody was like, hey, do you got Young Guns 2?

So I was like, yeah, sure, I got it.

And

rented it to him.

And then I went over to the store, you know, to Quickstop.

And he came over there.

He's like, you got that movie?

And I was like, no, I didn't think you were coming.

So I rented it out.

I thought for sure he was going to kick my ass over there.

Really?

Well, it's Leonardo.

He's that kind of guy.

You know, he was one of those white trash types.

It's like, I'm living at clerks right now.

This is so exciting.

It wasn't exciting at the time.

He was pissed.

Yeah.

And he could have definitely beaten me up.

How'd you make amends?

I just said, I'll get it for you tomorrow.

Hey, man.

Come on, your uncle Mary.

Let me ask you.

No, I just was, that's all I could do.

It was like, I was like, sorry, man.

I was like, I'll save it for you tomorrow.

You guys only got one copy?

No, I'm sure I kept the last copy out and then

had to rent it.

I used to do that at Blockbuster.

I used to put copies of movies in the drawer, a popular one, when Jurassic Park came out.

And then I'd wait for a pretty girl to be like, Do you have Jurassic Park?

And I'd be like, All right.

I was taking this home to my mom tonight.

You could have that copy.

So I would, I, you know, that's always a good trick in the video game.

Did you translate into anything?

Once or twice.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, once or twice.

You know, you get into like going to a bar or something.

Where are you going to be tonight?

Type stuff.

Yeah.

Watching Young Guns douchebags.

Wait, what?

Yeah.

So now they just want to be able to tie the murder legally.

All right.

Let's fucking nail this guy.

I'm sorry.

Having him legally named in court.

Because I felt like there was

kind of a not disappointment, but

a feeling of like, huh, I

wish there are some things that don't get solved because

it's just cool to have some

of those, man, who was it?

Yeah.

Unsolved.

Yeah.

Well, no, I want that one to be solved because there's actually people

that are still alive that are affected by it.

I don't want to, yeah, those people deserve justice, but I'm saying they don't, these, these other, these people in the dead horse.

But there's nobody alive is affected by that at this point.

So that's why it's a little bit easier to say, like, man, I just wish that there were some mysteries that remain unsolved.

It's just kind of cool for the

for that kind of

because the world doesn't really have much

anymore.

It feels like everything's solvable.

Yeah, like you could Google islands in the middle of the ocean that people have never set foot on and shit.

Like, there's no more monsters off the edge of the map.

So it would be kind of, you're right.

I agree with you.

It's nice to have like

mysteries and because it wouldn't really, like you said, it's not going to affect anybody today.

It's not going to really matter that they're like, we got him, now let's bust him.

Look, even though the fucking relative is so eager to fucking give up his DNA.

I want to be related to fucking Jack the Ripper.

Please let it be me.

Does that change your life if you find out you're related to Jack the Ripper, or it's fine?

Do you do anything different?

Ooh, that's,

I don't think it changes my life for the negative.

Right.

I think they're, I'll make use of it on the podcast.

Yeah.

But I'm sure.

I mean, the Baron kind of does look like

he could be a Jack the Ripper-esque

That top hat and shit.

Yeah, coming up.

But there's, but absolutely, though, there would be

like

nauseous feeling, you know, if like I was tied to like more recent serial killers.

That would be fucked up.

But Jack the Ripper feels like it's not even real.

Yeah, like your cousins with Dennis Radar.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I mean, there were bars in Manhattan named Jack the Ripper Pub and shit.

It's like it's a brand at this point.

Yes.

Yeah, exactly.

Huh.

But, I mean, is it if in reading that article a little bit more, is it like

a strong theory?

Like, are you able to dismiss this?

Could you be like, hey, man, the guy could have just fucking dropped his shawl?

That doesn't really say anything.

But can we still believe in the mystery?

Just happens to be a barber, works with sharp objects, has schizophrenia, is committed, so bad he's committed in the 1800s.

Yeah, but I read a book about it.

This is a guy who's written two books about Jack the Ripper just for you.

What are they called?

Hold on, it's The internet's very slow.

I read one and this one guy was pretty adamant that it was a Mason and the whole thing was like a Mason coverage.

Freemason?

One of those

and made a great case for it, for like it being like, so this guy could just be the Patsy.

That shawl, you know, they didn't know DNA, but maybe they're like, somebody identify the shawl.

But you think the Masons are still actively trying to cover it up, though?

No, but what they set in motion, I mean, yes.

Really?

Sure.

You think the Masons of of today are like the Masons whack when shit was fucking all about witchcraft and shit?

I think it's.

Now today it's more about like, hey, we're going to have fucking wings and watch the Super Bowl and shit.

They ain't doing any of that fucking witchcraftery shit.

Either that or

you've fallen for it or they are running the world.

So here's the great-great-granddaughter, Karen Miller.

She said that

having the killer's name in official records would bring justice to victims who weren't able to get justice so long ago.

It has all been about him, this iconic name, but people have forgotten about the victims who did not have justice at the time.

What about the real name of the person who did this?

Having the real name, person legally named in court.

Having the real person legally named in court, which can consider all the evidence, would be a form of justice for the victims.

It would mean a lot to me, to my family, and to a lot of the people who have had this crime solved.

So that's what you had.

So if you find out you're related to Jack the Ripper, do you feel any personal satisfaction that it's found out who he is?

No, because

the victim's got justice.

Is Is that a picture of him, Ginem?

Of the

computer DNA.

What is it based on?

Probably DNA, right?

He looks like he works at Jersey Coin and Gold.

Does he?

Oh, he was Jewish, this guy.

That's not going to be good for them.

No.

No,

the Jews are in a tough spot right now.

They don't want any more attention.

Yeah, they got people protesting against them.

Yeah, it's a

tough spot right now for the tribe.

So, yeah, I'm sure they don't want this on their resume right now.

If you can pick the next mystery to be unsolved,

well, what is it going to be, boys?

Do we want to know who killed Kennedy or do we want to know if there are aliens?

I think the world can't handle aliens.

I truly don't.

I don't think we can handle much at this stage.

Okay.

I think JFK we could could handle.

I think most people.

Moon landing.

I don't think that's a good one to reveal either.

I think that one would be

fucking super disillusioning too.

Wouldn't Kennedy too?

Because

if the government was involved with Kennedy,

but a lot of people assume that already, right?

Yeah, I think people have come to expect the worst.

So

I think the Kennedy one is the one that we could digest the easiest as

a world.

That moon or aliens is going to really

start a spiral effect, I believe.

The moon you could look at is like, look, we were in a space race with Russia.

We didn't want to lose to them.

We didn't want to look like punks, so we fucking faked it.

Sorry,

blame Stanley Kubrick.

That's not going to hold water, though.

But the JFK thing is like, we murdered a sitting president.

Yeah, but like, that's crazy.

He was going to make things better, so we blew his brains out.

You open Pandora's box and you reveal that you faked one of mankind's greatest achievements.

Yeah.

You are not getting the benefit of the doubt on anything.

Never, ever again.

What if we just faked the first one and then the rest were real?

They're like, look, we juiced it a little bit, but we really got there.

Like, would that soften it?

No.

No.

Nobody would believe the next excursions were real either then.

But you could see the landing sites on the moon.

Like, you could get telescopes that are strong enough to do that.

So why'd you bring that up then?

Oh, it's without a doubt that we went to the moon?

I mean, yeah.

Yeah, so that's not a mystery then.

But that first one.

You think the first one's still up for up for debate?

I mean, we're just talking.

I think I believe everything, man.

I believe we landed on the moon.

I'm just saying, like, what sort of ones are we looking to open the cracked on the files if Jack the Ripper was gone?

Well, for argument's sake, if the moon is, is a

is a mystery that would be revealed to have been faked,

I don't think it would be, it would go down well for America and its standing and its ability to

ever

weigh in or or

have the trust be ripped away that you can never trust anything.

Wow, I think you're putting too much weight on it.

I think people would be able to handle that.

Aliens, I agree with.

Aliens, I don't think.

But you're talking about mankind's greatest achievement.

Yeah, but if they, what I'm, what I susp look, I think we got there, but I think if there was a cover-up, it was the first one was fake to buy us more time to get there for real, which sucks because that means that the first person to walk on the moon isn't getting the credit they deserve.

You know, Buzz is taking up all that air.

But I think we got there, right?

Yeah, yeah, I don't know if I think the only one that could be digested is JFK because I believe 90% of people don't believe the

the story that's been circulated all these many years.

Ooh, isn't he releasing these?

Get him.

Isn't Trump releasing this stuff?

Supposedly, yeah.

Oh, man.

He said that last time, too, though.

New Congressional Task Force believes two shooters were involved in the assassination.

He also said he was going to release the

drone shit.

And he...

The drone shit.

Is there a less satisfying fucking end to that whole thing?

Where like the government, the government weighed in, they said it's for research.

Yeah, researching research is what?

Yeah, that's that is not releasing anything.

Yeah, that's not saying shit.

Yeah, that's another like cop-out, though, of Trump saying he's going to do something.

He didn't do it,

yeah, that's bullshit.

Uh, what other mysteries do we have?

We got Stonehenge, yeah, Bermuda Triangle, yeah, Loch Miss Monster,

uh, Lost Colleen of Roanoke, that's pretty interesting,

uh,

The Escape from El Catrez.

Do I have to take everybody, or can I just find out?

What do you mean?

Like, if Jack,

the conversation here is.

No, I mean, like, I think the world, it's revealed.

The world finds out that the next big mystery.

It would be fascinating if it turned out that aliens were real and the government's been talking to them.

Yeah.

Like, what happens?

Like, what do you think happens?

Like, what happens to somebody else?

I think it shakes

people to the very core.

It's just like.

They don't get up and go to work the next day?

I think a certain segment will.

I think you'll see the office coach and Sunday Jeff still at their posts.

I truly do.

That wasn't an anyway for humorous, those guys.

But what are you doing?

And this is what, aliens?

Aliens.

Like, we find out, Roswell, there was a crash.

They did have a corpse and parts of the wreckage that juiced our technology ahead of a few decades that got us to where we are today.

What do I do?

I mean, it would be

so much to take in.

It's almost like too much information.

I don't know how to process it.

I don't think most people know how to process it.

I think it's a slow process of that kind of mind-boggling information.

And the first

you want to know is.

Uh-oh, here comes that frog.

It's jumping all over the table.

Excuse my frog.

I'm definitely getting sick.

I can feel a little hot, too.

Tell him, Steve Daniel.

Would you?

There would have to be spawns of that, right?

You know

that's the first thing they try to do is create a hybrid, right?

I think

they're alien humans.

They're fucking around with alien DNA, sure.

Right.

Creating spawns.

Are they saying that or they're just acknowledging that it was an alien spawn?

An alien autopsy was real.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Remember that?

Yeah, I don't know.

Do you go to set the next day?

Or do you call out and be like, guys, we can't record an episode of Jokers?

I mean, the fucking world just found out aliens exist.

I think I go to set.

I think I'd just try to be like, look, they existed before.

Like, just now that I know about it, doesn't change much.

You can bring the.

You got a fucking get I got a comedy festival in two months.

You can bring the funny with that kind of weight hanging over you.

I don't know how much weight there would be.

I think part of me would be like, yeah, it makes sense that they were aliens.

Like, I don't know that I would

see it as this giant, almost religious, life-changing event.

It would be, but not, I think, to the point that I'd have to reassess my whole life.

Well, it's different than like

148 has an intelligent.

What if the government reaches out and says we need help communicating with them?

Yeah, and want you to explain, you and the jokers to explain.

We've done this exact bit before.

Yeah, we did this exact bit.

And he was going to play Led Zeppelin for him.

Yeah, I would still take the job.

But, but, yeah, even if they were just like, look, it was an alien crash.

There was a body.

We've never seen them again.

Like, that's all the evidence we have.

Everything else is bullshit.

All the fucking abductions.

That's all bullshit.

Lights in the sky is all bullshit.

This is the real deal.

This is what we found.

Why should I believe you?

Why should I believe you?

Everything else is bullshit.

Yeah.

Why should I believe you?

They're opening the books.

They're opening the books.

Why should I believe the books?

You shouldn't.

You lied to me

forever since the very first.

Trump got in there and exposed the truth.

He's the one that got in there.

He's the one that's the one that reveals.

Isn't that what he's doing here?

He's talking about aliens and JFK.

So he opens those files

and says,

I don't even think Trump knows the real answers.

Oh, I see.

You would be like, this is even fouled.

Trump here's a crumb.

It's the Freemasons.

It's the tip of the iceberg.

Yes.

The Freemasons are calling it.

And also, like, when Trump does produce this shit, is it all going to be fucking redacted?

Like, 95% of it has black lines through it.

So you're like, well, I can't still can't tell what happened.

Yeah.

I thought his whole point was he don't give a fuck.

He wants you to see.

Did you also hear about the, I think there's a now, I think it, the percentages go up every day, but there's a meteor that's like a

meteor that's going to hit the Earth.

That I did.

3% chance that it's going to hit

constantly changing.

The percentages keep growing.

Wow.

Where do you think?

Do they know where it'll hit?

Did they do that?

I don't know if they know where it'll hit yet, but.

If you ask Pam, it's going to be our house.

I mean, what sort of level of I haven't looked into enough to know what danger in.

What level of destruction are we talking about?

I saw an animated thing.

Did you see the animated, like it hits and then, like, the whole, they call it a city killer.

Okay.

If it hit New York, it would destroy the entire city.

But if it hits Staten Island, Joe?

Nah.

That shit bounced right off.

Fuck out of here.

Maybe a fucking shit.

Fuck out of here.

Asteroid's black.

Get the fuck out of here.

Asteroid's black.

Stennel's not like that anymore, man.

Welcoming?

Do you arms wide open?

Do you relocate if they find out that they pinpoint the coordinates where it's expected to hit?

New York?

Do you ride it out or you're like, or do you like, well, I'm going to have to relocate?

I'll be like, what date's of that?

I think it's 2034.

Good idea, Twitter.

Yeah, I'm thinking by 2034, I should be down there by then anyway.

So, yeah.

It would be pretty upsetting.

Did you see the footage of the plane?

Remember, there was like a second plane crash?

Here's the city killing.

Last week?

Holy shit.

The Motley Crew, Vince Neal's plane?

No, no.

There was like a plane.

There were like three plane crashes recently, right?

There was the one in D.C., then there was one in Philadelphia.

The one in Philly.

The ring cam footage of it?

Yes.

It's insane.

The notion that I will ever survive a plane crash was completely taken from me.

It lands so fast.

And the fireball is so fucking

huge.

You're like, this is not, I will never survive this.

Like, it really opened my eyes up because I was always like, all right, I'll duck my head in.

And, you know, maybe I'll be lucky enough to fucking survive.

It was brutal, man.

What do you think the rash of plane crashes is all about?

I mean, fuck it.

I don't know, dude.

I mean, there probably have always been this many plane crashes, right?

Yeah, Yeah, like smaller.

Smaller ones.

Yeah.

Well, far more than

chats, you know, like did you see the Motley Crew?

Vince Neal had his private plane crashed.

Yeah, like ran into another plane on the tarmac or something.

Oh, shit.

No, I didn't see that.

And people were making jokes about it, obviously, but that's the first thing that crossed my mind, too, was it's like, I can't believe Vince Neal has his own fucking plane.

He's a big plane, right?

In 2025.

That's insane.

Those guys made a lot of money.

They still tour.

Yeah, they're still doing it.

They still tour.

I mean, you think Bon Jovi still has a plane?

Yeah, probably.

Oh, yeah.

That guy's rich.

You're talking about guys with like, Bon Jovi probably has hundreds of millions of dollars.

Like, one of those planes is only a couple million.

And you don't even have to buy it.

Like, you buy one leaser share of it.

Yeah.

And

then

you're something like a timeshare.

I know Brett Michaels has one.

So, you know.

Damn.

I mean, he's still touring.

He's still doing fucking arenas and stuff like that or stadiums with that band.

So, you know, they're there.

They're out there doing it, man.

Those guys back in the day made so much fucking money.

I would have thought they would have blown it all by now on Coke and fucking mansions and failed fast cars.

Yeah.

Women.

It sounds fun.

Sounds awesome.

It sounds like a blast, actually.

It sounds like Vince put his money, you know, like he invested wisely that he still has a plane.

And I think somebody actually died in that crash.

Somebody survived it, though.

Shit.

Yeah, the girlfriend survived it or something.

Wait, he was in the plane?

He wasn't in the plane.

His His girlfriend was.

Yeah, it was like in Texas or something.

Do you have to marry her now?

That's a fucking

that flight cost at least 25 grand to get off the ground.

And he's just sending his girlfriend out to fucking fly in that thing?

Do you have to marry her now after he crashes?

You're like, I don't know.

Fuck no.

No.

No.

Way.

They killed his beloved pilot and injured his girlfriend.

Why is she not just being like, I'll fly commercial?

Like, I'm not going to make you fucking lay out 50 grand to get me there and back.

Vince?

I want to go to Coachella!

Vince!

Well, then maybe he wants her on as many planes as possible.

I want to go to Coachella.

She looks like the type that would be saying that.

Oh my God, she's pretty hot, huh?

Yeah, all right.

Well, now I would send all the planes.

I'm getting the plane now.

You have to marry her.

I don't think so.

She's going to take everything.

Why?

She's going to take all Vince's money or she's insurance on those planes.

Let us sue the company.

She suffered five broken ribs.

I'm going after all that fucking crew money, maybe.

And a a good lawyer would, too.

Shout out

a way, man.

She broke ribs, though.

That's

that sweet thing.

Oh, man.

He's, you know, I just think like when you're flying on private planes, like, I don't know that juries are going to be like,

let's award it to her.

They're going to be like, fuck you, lady.

I don't think so.

You get a good lawyer?

You're going to look at how gorgeous she is.

Like, oh, did you break five ribs on your private plane?

Mr.

Mr.

Neil,

how exclusive or how diligent were you on the upkeep of your private jet?

He's not supposed to be out there changing the wheel.

That's a flex, man.

Sending the private plane to get a lady?

Oh, man.

That's pretty good.

I mean, you thought fucking holding Jurassic Park behind the counter was a fucking flex.

I was working with what I had, buddy.

That's all I could do.

All I had was that one fucking

copy copy of Jurassic Park.

Did they have those knockoff movies back then?

Yeah.

Like, you know, when a big movie came out, there was like

the asylum.

Like Jurassic Land.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't have Jurassic Park, but here's Jurassic Land with that workup.

They call them mockbusters.

Yeah.

Yeah, back in the day, yeah.

I would imagine those would work on Staten Island girls.

No, no.

No.

They're simple.

They're demanding.

They want the real thing.

I'm going going to give it to her.

They weren't chewing their gum looking at it, kind of like, I guess that looks like dinosaurs.

Yeah, all right.

Let's fuck.

I'll suck your cock.

Let's go.

Let's go in my cock.

Best job I ever had in my life.

I'll be right with you.

I got to go suck this fucking video jockey's cock.

We don't know what a cock.

She's got her ass at the time.

Can't be left alone, so he's going to be weird.

Oh, there we go.

I can't believe.

Has that gone the way to dodo bird, the mock blockbusters?

And Diane Ladd is not a small name.

I mean,

she was pretty big for a while.

Carnasaur.

I think they're Clint Howard's in that one.

Look at that.

Clint How would

you?

Do they still do that, though?

Do they still try to trot out the asylum though?

Yeah, they still do them.

It's not as like.

Not as much money in it, probably anymore.

Yeah, you know, it's

because it's like those videos are not next to the exact same video, like on the blockbuster shelf, so people don't accidentally pick it up anymore.

You think, how many instances of legitimate, like,

I thought I was fucking getting Jurassic Park and I got Jurassic Player.

How many times do you think it was legitimately like, fuck?

I'll bet you it happens.

Because they had like a War of the Worlds that looked exactly like the other cover.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like some of them they call it War of the Worlds, though, I think.

Yeah, but that doesn't make it War of the Worlds.

Right, but not the one that you're looking for.

Right, but there's a big difference between Jurassic Land and Jurassic Park and making that mistake.

I'll bet you with some people, no, not that much.

Dude, you're talking about Staten Island.

Come on, man.

How dare you guys?

Yeah, so it crashed when it was

the Motley Crew jet, I guess they crashed when they were landing.

Oof.

Wait, no.

Yeah, the landing gear failure had caused the aircraft to veer off the runway and ram into a parked Gulfstream 200.

Okay, he does have to marry her then, but how long does he have to wait before breaking up with her then?

She's got those ribs.

He's got to heal up.

But why does he want to break up with it?

She's hot.

He's fucking Vince Neal.

There's another girl that's going to wanted a plane ride as soon as that one gets fucking.

When you look at it that way, sure, yeah.

I mean, you know.

How long does he legitimately have to wait?

If you're looking at it from that handle, I don't think he's got to wait at all.

He's Vince Neal.

What does he care?

Oh, but he's still a human being, though.

Even he can't be that fucking cruel.

So just when they're

these rock guys, they are.

For a year?

I would think a year.

Six months.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, is that footage of it?

I don't know, man.

I think these rock guys, I mean, he's older now, though, man.

He's probably like, doesn't want the chaos

of breaking up and getting a new girl all the time and shit.

Because eventually you're going to get a fight.

Here it is.

Skidding in there.

Oh, oh, shit.

That is not good.

No.

Fucking bad.

I've been in some bad landings, but nothing like that.

So the guy, it says his clothes.

Vince Neal's close friend and horse trainer is the one who is giving all this information,

telling TMZ all this stuff, saying that Vince Neal wanted to enjoy the beach before his flight, and then goes on to say he posted a picture of himself and

the girlfriend, I guess, as we close in on Valentine's Day, a holiday reserved for love and human connection.

See, even Vince has got a fucking

acknowledge Valentine's Day.

Please hold those you love close to you, safe in the arms of love.

See?

Remember what your needs are for because this can all be gone in an instant.

They're fine.

They're not gone in an instant.

No.

You also use the word love three times in one sentence.

I mean, like, when you get that call, you hope the person who's making the call has the wherewithal to be like, everybody's fine.

You know what I mean?

Start like that.

Everybody's alive.

Everybody wasn't fine.

No, everybody's alive.

No, everybody wasn't alive.

No, everybody wasn't alive.

She's fine.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

That call.

You're like, your plane crashed, and somebody you know well enough to fly around on your private jet's dead.

Oof, that's bad.

Not as bad as being on the plane, but

bad shit.

Again, this is why we can't come out of the gate with energy, man.

We're talking about death.

Yeah, a lot of death.

A lot of bird flu, a lot of

fate conspiracies over here.

Got some fat news.

Boom, ba-ba-boom-ba-ba-ba-boom boom ba ba boom

fat news oh chicken

chomp chomp yeah we're uh

following up on the 500 pound rapper oh sewing lift uh she went to do a a uh interview at the breakfast club with uh you know charlemagne the god

and uh so she goes in i I saw that.

I actually saw it.

She goes into

the studio to do the radio show.

Charlemagne the God is a radio DJ.

Dank Damas, who's described herself as obese and a big, beautiful woman, walked into the studio, sat down in a wheeled office chair before the interview started, and immediately looked uncomfortable.

This is the only seat y'all got?

Damas asked.

And then they had to pull up a fucking couch for her.

And she goes, this is what I'm talking about.

Good.

This is accommodation.

She's going to sue them?

And she's going to sue.

No, she's going to sue Lyft.

Yeah.

Okay.

So then Charlemagne was like, well, why should people have to accommodate her?

And she retorted, why not?

I mean, give me a fucking break, man.

Like, come on.

Yeah, that's a big girl.

She's huge.

That's a big girl.

She needs bigger people should be accommodated just like we accommodate the LGBTQ community.

Oh, boy.

Fucking wow.

I mean, come on.

Whoa.

I don't care.

Whoa.

She's going to start with you.

I don't care, Dyke the Moss.

You're going to be in a fucking, you're going to be in a feud with her.

That would be great.

A rap feud?

They don't end well.

I have like a shot, you think?

Dyke Domos.

There'll be like a band rolling up that'll be like severely lopsided.

Shit, it's Dyke the Moss.

The window will go down and you'll be gone.

Yeah, like, I think you have balls if you're like, I'm going to sue them for discriminating against me.

I mean, then I can only fit on a couch.

She's just on,

she's milking this publicity.

Right.

That's all it's happening.

She's hoping that people become aware of her.

So I'm going to tell Steve Davies going to talk about this.

Yeah.

And we're falling right into right into her traps, man.

She hit Lyft with a lawsuit last month, and Lyft, the big pussies that they are, said Lyft unequivocally condemns all forms of discrimination.

We believe in a community where everyone is treated with.

But what the fuck else are they going to say?

The spokesperson said, why say anything?

We know what you're going to say.

And they should just settle then.

Yeah, just settle.

Just settle.

Just be done with it.

It's going to cost more and yeah but then if you settle though then you're opening dangerous precedent

yeah yeah let you know

don't i'm sorry but like look

i see accommodations being made for like people who are uh handicapped sure people who are you know like that kind of thing but you can't allow yourself to grow to 500 pounds and then be like everybody fucking cater to me no you cannot but what if she has what if she has a medical issue doesn't look that way doesn't look that way well again none of this matters she should have ordered a fucking Uber XL.

Right.

Like, that is the end of this.

Like, that's the end of it.

It should have been the end of the conversation where you ordered an Uber XL.

Well, the guy should have never said you're too fat for one.

Yeah.

But yeah, she should have ordered an Uber XL because she knows goddamn well she's not going to fit into a little fucking Tercel.

Yeah, yeah.

I barely fit in a Tercel.

Look at that.

Look at those smiling faces.

There they are.

Live from the Secret Stash.

Yeah, you know, they're not talking about fat news.

No, no, no, no, no, smiles over there.

What do they talk about?

Just comics?

Comics

he gave

the latest episode was

pretty good.

They he went into Superman's history.

Oh, and how you know, Superman didn't appear first in action comics.

He appeared in one of those, like a prose story.

Yeah.

I think at what point did I fall asleep?

Right?

What's up?

I legitimately, right?

I'm not fucking around.

I fell asleep here

at the table.

I'm not fucking with you, right?

On my children's heads, I fucking fell asleep.

I heard myself snoring and woke up.

And I was like, this shit is still on.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.