#623: The Power of Three

Hey, just a few quick notes before we begin the show.

We have a couple of auctions up right now in eBay for some merch that 100% of the proceeds are going to help an ant.

And some of the items up there are signed, like the TSD memorabilia book, the TSD toolkit.

We have some rare hats, like the very first TSD in a flash, a baseball cap, trucker cap.

And there's one monopoly set up there as well, signed by TSD, including Sunday.

I also put a link in every auction to help the aunt with his GoFundMe, but I'm not sure if eBay allows that.

So if you don't see a link, it's because that's against eBay policy.

And if you just search on eBay, T-E-S-D charity Canadian auction, that's where you'll be able to see all nine items.

And finally, I just want to reach out to see if there are any listeners who might have a connection to a print shop.

I'm developing something I'm really excited about.

It's a comic book-themed game show for the Patreon, and I need oversized comic book covers amongst other comic book-related things.

And Staples just won't print what I need due to copyrights.

So I'm hoping I can find a listener to help me achieve my vision.

And if you have access to a print shop or that could help me out, hit me up at KMEWES2.

That's kmuse2 at gmail.com.

All right.

Also, if there are any listeners who who are in the fields of reviewing jobs for efficiency or, you know, evaluations, work performance reviews, if you'd like to be on the show, please email me at kmuse2.

That's kmewes2 at gmail.com.

And I can maybe explain a little better what I'm looking for.

But I'm looking for somebody who it's hard to put in words, but it just evaluates employees, evaluates jobs, and gives companies like feedback on how to make it more efficient.

So, thank you, and let's get started.

Time Steve Dave presents Everkeeper with encounters in the assistance of the Neither kind

with Brian Green,

Roger Francan, and Brian Jackson.

This week's episode

The

Power of Three

Hello and welcome to Tell'em Steve.

Dave presents Overkill.

We love these, don't we, Walt?

Yes.

Love the Overkills.

Yes, it's been a while since

the

Overkill Maestro has graced us with his presence.

T-O-M for short.

BQ's here.

Q loves it.

And yeah, we got Tom.

T.O.M.

Hello, boys.

Overkill Maestro.

Great to be here.

Beloved, Tom is.

You say that, but I don't think that's true.

By some.

A couple.

Were you?

I know that politically, I know which way you lean.

How did you feel about Trump getting TikTok back?

This is where we're going.

Actually, you know what?

With that, I'm actually pretty happy.

I was, well, you know what?

I can't say that because

Sunday without TikTok was the most productive day I had in like two years.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

They've been taking you for a TikTok guy.

You know what?

It's a lot of recipes, a lot of like different things.

And without them, like by 9:15, I had done two loads of laundry, emptied the dishwasher, food prep for the week.

Kids had breakfast.

I had breakfast.

Everything was done.

What man is being fucking preoccupied by fucking recipe TikTok videos?

This guy.

Oh, bullshit.

He's not watching TikTok

for recipes.

Oh, yeah.

It's a little twerk in action, I think.

Oh, look at him twerking on TikTok.

I mean, there is some, yeah, but I would say for dominant

Yeah.

I felt that must have been very hard for Democrats, liberals, you know, to reconcile with is like because it's a big

liberal sort of platform.

TikTok is.

A lot of people like to use it to, you know, express their political beliefs and shit.

Okay.

It's not just recipes.

It's not just recipes.

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

I don't know if I've ever seen a recipe on there.

I've been on there a couple times.

I don't know if I've ever seen a recipe.

Okay.

But I did feel bad for some.

Like, normally, this is the kind of thing where it would be like that Sean and Freud, where you'd be like, oh, good.

Everybody's upset.

You fucking bunch of babies.

What's wrong?

TikTok went down.

But then I started thinking of people I know that actually make money off of businesses.

Like Meryl, like Troy's wife,

has a big TikTok following and presence there, and she uses it for her business.

Couldn't she just go to a different platform, though?

She could, but it's like once you've amassed, especially some of these people who have millions of followers.

Yeah, but aren't we putting our national security at risk

when we can just go to a different fucking

platform?

Are we?

Because Timo is still around and they steal all your credit card information and give you

Timu?

Sheen, too, right?

I think Sheen does too.

Yeah.

Timu, 100%,

you will get your credit card information stolen.

And that's what I'm saying.

What does Timu do?

Timu makes low-quality, high amounts of crappy products.

Okay, yeah, anything you can imagine.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but that's not a content platform, though.

Like, there's still.

But it's your data, it's your credit card information, and it's going outwhere, and they know it.

Okay, I can, yeah, let's shut it down if it's a criminal website, but

we're bringing back, and I don't know anything about TikTok, I've never been on it, but if it's causing us to give away valuable secrets to China, very valuable.

I don't understand,

I agree.

Troy's wife needs a platform, but can't she go to YouTube or some other china

rather than put our security at risk?

If TikTok was gone, they would all have no choice.

Right.

But if it put everything at risk, why did it come back then?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

Why did it come back?

I don't know.

Trump somehow intervened and stepped in and got it back within a matter of hours.

I don't know.

And I was watching people melt the fuck down on YouTube, man, like crying and like, this is a stabbing our free speech.

This is constitutional undercover.

Oh, boy.

It is.

But yeah, I mean, there are other platforms.

Like, you have Snapchat, you have Instagram.

There are, but you have Facebook.

Yeah, I don't understand

the dire need to keep this one if it really was what they said it was.

Unless they're lying about it.

This is where we need the kids.

Unless they were lying.

The algorithm has a lot to do with it.

Like, YouTube doesn't give you that kind of algorithm that TikTok does, where you're thinking,

how many TikTok videos are you going through in a 10-minute span?

A ton.

So it kind of like

people.

EEQ have zero.

180 million people disagree with that.

Yeah.

Well, but they're productive, I'm sure.

I'm not here to shit on anybody's favorite platform platform.

But I mean, it seems like if China is like siphon, I don't even know what information they can get off of it.

Like, what is what information is China?

We're twerking.

Our best twerking fucking.

We got to share that with the world, man.

I'd like to see see some Chinese girls twerking.

There's a fuck ton of fake UFOs, fake drone being chased by fighter jets.

There's all that kind of stuff on TikTok, too.

Yeah.

Yeah, the only time I go to it is if Troy sends me something and it happens to be on TikTok.

Then I'll go.

But otherwise, yeah,

I'm too old.

Maybe an American platform would have filled that void.

Well, that's what they were saying.

They were going to sell it to an American company.

And then now it's like, I think half ownership has to be by an American company, which

I don't know if that's for oversight or like how that affects

them stealing the information.

Four of the five people on the board of directors are American.

So I don't know how much more American you can get when four out of five of them are already American.

Yeah.

Well, I guess it's owned wholly by that Bite Dancer or whatever, Bit Dance, you know.

Yeah, Bite Dance.

Well, who cares about TikTok?

Let's get into some scary stuff.

All right, jumping right in.

All right.

So I have first for you.

Has anyone ever heard of the Kappa?

Kappa, K-A-P-P-A?

I hope not.

Is it a sorority something?

Kappa Delta.

It is not.

It is a sometimes

maleficent creature from Japanese folklore, described as a small reptilian humanoid with web hands and feet and a turtle-like shell.

Its skin is typically slimy and greeny, green, and it has three anuses that allow to release an extraordinary amount of gas.

But

most of the time, it does simple things.

It looks up ladies' kimonos.

Oh, upskirts?

Yes.

That is a TikTok exactly TikTok.

We got to cancel Kappa Kapa, whoever his name is.

Yeah.

He also likes to sumo wrestle people.

He drags them into the water and sumo wrestles them.

How big would this creature be then?

Size of a sumo wrestle.

Like Jimmy-sized?

Like Jimmy, like four foot tall-ish.

But what it's mostly,

that's a big advantage when you're trying to get up skirts.

I bet you're being there for.

Oh, I bet.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm thinking a lot of times he does it from like under the water.

So he's just sort of, as they come close to the water, he's looking up for it.

But the big thing it does is it extracts the Shirika Domo, a mythical ball said to contain a person's soul, and how does he suck it out?

Through their anus.

Wow.

So he's got three anuses.

He has three anuses.

He goes after your anus.

Yes, and sucks your soul through your anus.

All right, we're kind of looking at a picture of him.

Yeah, so that is.

Is that red boots on?

No, that is a picture of kappas having sex under the water.

It's a strange little picture.

Oh, look at him, that's a kind of a frunk.

Wait a second.

So that is that two guys on one, two kappas on one lady?

That's what it appears to be, yeah.

More than one kappa.

They're a race.

Yeah, the grappling.

Those are like little gargoyles.

Don't they?

Well, they're pretty big gargoyles if you look at the size of some lady.

I imagine you did some research on this, right?

Yes.

All right.

But I guarantee you, whatever weird question you have, I probably don't have to.

It's a question that's on everyone's fucking tip of their tongue listening.

Dukappa's twerking.

Why do they have three anuses?

Oh, to release gas faster.

Like, they like to fart a lot, and the amount needed, they need it through

are they assholes right on top of each other are they located at different parts of the body they're right next to each other one two three kind of a waste then well I mean I didn't create the kappa

yeah right look there's a picture of uh get them brought up defense against the kappa you fart in their face yeah so you fart in their face and it repels them from sucking your soul through your anus but you're like you're opening it up to them like what if you what if you open it up and you don't have the guests to back it up then i guess your soul's going away there.

Oh, boy.

What country is this from?

Japanese.

Japan.

So

they're so into these weird fucking anime porn shit.

Technical porn and all that word.

They're a weird country, man.

Yeah, they have like

what are those machines, like vending machines with like pink girls' panties in them and stuff.

I have heard that.

I don't know.

I mean, I don't know how true it is, but.

Wonder what that costs you run you when you're walking.

Purple girls Yeah.

Like, less than 30 or more.

I don't know what the number in my head was 50.

50?

Seems fair.

That's how much you'd be willing to pay.

Well, it depends on the girl.

Like, the problem with that is, like, I don't wanna if I don't know the girl, then what am I doing?

What's the point, right?

What if you get a busted chick?

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't want her panties.

What if it comes with a little bio?

Okay.

Well, you know.

Little picture.

All right.

This is Kamiko.

Yeah, this is Kamiko.

She's wore this while bike riding.

I probably still, you know, I would be worried about Kamiko a little bit.

Oh, wow, look at that.

Yeah, I don't get that one.

She had a steady diet of roughage for three cases

the day before she wore these panties.

So

there's a lot of aroma

for you.

Be cute for that 50 you just dropped.

50 bucks?

I could put that in a cup of hot water, make a tea out of it.

That'd be nice.

Yeah, that's roughly 150 yen then if it was 50 bucks.

It's $3.22.

Right.

Wow.

So, Brian, I don't know.

Do you partake in the analingus that you need to concern yourself with?

That Mary Beth may be sucking?

She may fire in my face.

No, suck your soul out.

Oh, that happened a long time ago.

I'm not concerned with that.

I don't know who did it.

Somebody was back there.

Yeah, somebody

entered the soul.

Now, when's the last time one of these creatures has been seen

in recent time?

Or is this?

It's an ancient one.

It's a feudal Japan.

Correct.

Not anything recent that we really have to worry about.

I mean, that anyone's admitting.

I don't really know.

And it said they're an endangered or possibly extinct species.

One of Japan's treasures is good.

They could be.

Wow.

Yeah, they look like little gameras with the little shell and shit.

Yeah, they're little like frog turtle-like creatures.

Yes.

So they drag you underwater to do this?

Because it looks like they're underwater having sex with this leg.

It's sort of separate.

So they do drag people underwater.

Normally it's for like sumo wrestling.

They tend to do the

grabbing the

Shinkaduro ball through your ass on land, though.

Rapist in a half shell.

Nice.

I mean, they do look like little ninja turtles, don't they?

That last picture, those statues, yeah.

There's a lot of different takes on them that I don't.

Right?

It looks like Michelangelo and Leonardo in here.

Yeah.

You're like, What are they wearing on their ass?

They only ate into pizza,

pizza ass.

So, Q, what's your defense against that?

You were standing by a river, you know, you dropped your pants, one starts coming close to you, latches on.

What are you doing?

I would fart.

I mean, I guess I would just play fart on command.

I can, really, I can.

I have that ability.

I

remember growing up, there was a kid that could like swallow air and fart on demand.

Oh, yeah, wow, ran through a system that fast.

Yeah, wow, yeah.

No, I'm pretty, I feel pretty safe about it.

I could, could, I could blast one out.

How do you pull that off, being able to do that on demand?

This is

an interior muscle that I can squeeze and get one out if needed.

Has it ever been, has it gone south?

You're like, oh, fuck.

No, that muscle control of that muscle keeps them in as well, so I can lock them in.

So I'm also good to not

blast one out if necessary.

I'm great on planes.

You sit next to me, a plane.

You're not getting the stink.

Now I guess I can protect against Kappas as well.

I would just.

I don't have that.

I don't have that ability.

To what?

Keep it in?

Note.

Yeah.

It's coming.

It's coming.

No, to on-command.

No, I don't have that either.

No.

So you're just going to have to fight one off, I guess?

I would just fucking curb stomp that little fucker.

Yeah, they are pretty small.

And do they only go after women or do they go after guys, too?

It goes after both.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Protect your butthole.

I guess so.

Man, now I'm worried about one of those things like wearing a wig and makeup to try and fool me.

Oh, like gremlins, too?

Yeah, like I'd love to eat your butt, Brian, and then suddenly my soul's gone.

It was dangerous.

And your soul, it comes encased in a sphere-like ball, huh?

Yes, a little ball called a Shiricodoma.

Shiricodoma.

Yes, a mythical ball said to contain a person's soul.

Where does that ball?

Is it...

So why would that ball be in your butt, though?

That's what I was just wondering.

Like, of all the orifices you could take it out of, why?

why yeah it's it's warm it's something you'd protect right i mean you wouldn't you keep out of the way back then exactly you'd let people in your mouth

what what you're not let

t-o-o-man

get will roggers on the phone time's out

gross you're right around here boy

i mean you'd let like mouth-to-mouth contact very easily but you wouldn't necessarily let mouth-to-but contact as easily as that, correct?

Yeah, I'd say, that's probably

it's probably your safest orifice you got.

It's a prison pocket.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But hard to get at.

Yeah, that's how you protect your soul.

In Japan.

That guy literally got

in that drunk, they look like turtles for real.

Like they have turtle shells.

And Mo Howard, too.

They have like a Mo Howard haircut.

Yeah, they got like the monk thing going on.

It kind of looks like Tom.

Going this again.

The nose?

It'd be an interesting Halloween costume.

What are you?

I'm a cap.

I'm a cop, but you know we do.

You can't tell by the three assholes.

Or the fact that I'm sucking your butt, trying to get your soul.

Now, do you think this was an era when the butt wasn't as taboo as

it is in 2025?

Is it that taboo now?

Oh, yeah.

I think so.

Are you dropping this conversation?

No, not me.

No, no, no.

I'm saying that I would feel bothered then.

It's probably more taboo.

I think now people are pretty open to it.

To what?

To butt stuff.

I don't think it's this taboo now.

Do you do butt stuff?

I do not.

No.

I don't think so.

Yeah.

Think so.

You got to look about you.

You're not doing butt stuff.

I'm going to figure you for a butt stuff.

Oh, that's a bad one.

It looks like his ass is on fire.

Yeah, pulling out intestines through his ass.

Well, that's if you if you had to distract your soul, you can only pick one person

who you going and like, I need you to get my soul out.

Like, out of my ass?

Because there's it.

Well, that's where.

Apparently, you told us that's where it is.

It's like poison, like, suck out a snake's poison.

There's a demon.

All right.

There's a demon coming.

You know, you gotta go, Father Lance.

Father Lance.

That's a good choice.

That is a good choice.

Father Lance.

I know this is going to sound weird.

I'm probably going get him.

Really?

Yeah, I do.

For a man of the cloth.

Yeah.

But the lack of cheeks are just too much.

And the lack of suction he must have because of the lack of the front teeth.

Listen, I've seen Giddem clean a bowl in like five seconds.

If I need this done quickly, I don't know what Father Lance's skills are.

I'm sure if I need Giddem to do it, I've seen him go with

a pulled pork bowl.

He's getting it done real quick.

I mean, so in this instance, your asshole's the pink

pork bowl.

That's correct.

The pulled pork bowl.

Yes.

That would annoy me if that was going on in the office, Walt.

I'd be like,

this is disgusting.

I don't want anyone fumbling back there who doesn't know what they're doing.

I want an expert.

Wow.

I don't know.

I don't know if Uncidem's the guy I'm going to.

He does everything I've seen him do and everything I've asked him to do, he does half-asks.

Right, So like half your soul is gone.

Well, I got a quarter of the ball out.

That's good enough, isn't it?

I did send you that performance review.

You could do another episode.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

In another episode, we have sheets for performance reviews for Gedim.

Oh, he's very

good.

Okay.

Excellent.

Excellent.

See, you're wearing your copper sleeve.

And you didn't put a mic up after I even...

Did you?

Okay.

You got your sleeve on.

Is that because of the Dr.

D's recommendation?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dr.

D's a big hit.

A great episode.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, really?

Oh, good.

Yeah, very, very well received.

Oh, very good.

Well, she was, she's just excellent.

Yeah, yeah.

She was excellent.

Any other questions about Kappas before we move on?

I'm pretty covered on them.

Yeah, that was exhaustive.

All right.

They look fucked up, though.

This picture,

it looks threatening.

This is the way people underwater to look, right?

Yeah, they're like turtles.

Actually, I do have something.

I want to ask the guys,

what do you think fuels this,

this person, the very

person who came up with the Kappa, what do you think?

Did he get caught beating ass?

Did he...

Did he have an animal eating his ass?

And he, I mean, like, what happened that he came up with this outlandish story to cover

something.

Yes.

You don't think it just started as like a Japanese fart joke that just got out of hand?

Where they were like sitting around fishing and they're like, you know, it'd be funny if that fucking turtle came out and like you farted in its face and then it just went on from there?

I'd like to think, though, that not since man walked out of the fucking primordial ooze that farts have been comical.

Why would you assume that?

Of course they have been.

Because it's like it's so, it's so fucking

goofish and

sophomoric.

Lowbrow.

Like, there's nothing more unfunny than a fart, in my opinion.

That's insane.

I stand by it.

It's crazy.

You don't think farts are.

The two most unfunny things on the planet are fucking clowns and fucking farts.

How are farts unfunny?

Farts are funny.

It's just not funny.

I've got to play.

Time and place.

Yeah, yeah.

They got to be deployed correctly, but like, sure.

So do you think someone who can fart on command is not funny?

No.

No.

How you made it this far, we don't know.

I can't really fart on Command.

I just wish I could.

No, I guarantee.

To me, a fart joke transcends almost anything because you don't, one, it's universal.

Everybody experiences that.

I've never farted?

No, I've never heard a female fart in my entire life.

I've never been in a room where a female has let loose, let one rip.

Even from another room, if it's like a boom, a sonic type.

But they do.

What?

Like,

boom, sonic, man.

So, like, they're in the bathroom.

Sonic, boom.

They're blowing it up, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, echoes in the toilet.

You ever heard that?

No, never heard it.

Wow.

Yeah, I've never actually heard that either.

But I have heard girls fart, though, yeah.

Yeah, but they do.

They do.

A legitimate fart?

Yeah, like a full-on

because of too much

beans or whatever.

Well, whatever, yeah.

No, what I mean is like a serf in like

the dark ages farted in front of his friends and his friends were like, oh, what'd you eat last night?

You know,

I just think it's like it's it binds us all fart humor.

I think it across the ages, across.

There must have been kings who were entertained by it, like jesters and shit.

Oh, for sure.

What a stout guy consume.

Yeah, pull it my finger.

Yeah, like they all, Pharaohs, laughed at a good fart joke, the poorest human ever.

I hope to live

to an age where fart jokes aren't funny anymore.

I just find them so lame.

I really think.

Since the dawn of time, I don't know.

I think we're advancing.

Yeah.

And we're getting smarter and we're getting

TikTok's making everybody smarter.

Is it?

I just want to surround myself with people who don't laugh at fart jokes.

I just do.

Yeah, but depending on the fart joke, like what if it was a funny fart joke?

I've yet to hear one.

Well, everybody's afraid to say it funny.

Oh, no, I just revealed this now.

Don't say that.

Have you ever heard get him, Cracker Rat?

I don't think I have.

No.

Wow.

Jeez.

All right.

I certainly wouldn't laugh.

I'd be annoyed.

You'd be annoyed.

I'd be like, why don't you get the fuck out of here and do that?

Don't you have the decency to go into the bathroom, you fucking.

My wife is like that with burps.

Animal.

I don't know why.

But yeah, like if I have like I'm drinking some soda and I have a big burp, you know,

she doesn't like it.

So now I do it on purpose.

Of course.

She fucked up.

She should have never let me know.

But why isn't a burp just as funny as a fart?

Can be.

Burp can be as funny as a fart.

It's true.

We were sitting here one time and Giddam was in the middle of saying something and you just went

and dude, I fucking died laughing.

There was that time you burped in the yarn lady's face.

That's not true.

That's not true.

The yarn lady.

He came around the corner.

He didn't realize she was there.

He was going to run out and

She caught it.

And it wasn't funny.

I was mortified.

I have never burped in my life.

Shut up.

Shut up.

I feel it's like your sandwich thing, but never burp.

You would need to get checked out.

Yeah, I actually do.

It's like a paralyzed thing in your larynx that I don't burp.

Yeah.

Never reflect either.

Neither.

No burp.

I've never burped in my life.

Yeah.

No, I don't believe it.

Do you believe this cue?

It seems unlikely to me, but I don't remember why.

Why not even a one-true three, you fucking dope?

When are you doing that?

We're doing a tournament this year.

Okay.

I guarantee you'll fucking forget it, so it'll be fine.

I'm not going to forget that.

Nobody's going to forget that.

No, really?

Did you ask your mom, like, when you were little?

And every baby gets burped, right?

Yeah.

She said, no, I didn't burp.

No.

No.

Like, never burp.

Yeah.

So you had to go early on to the doctor to find out why gas doesn't affect you, right?

Why you have no gas?

No, I mean, I fart.

I just don't burp.

Yeah,

it's the weirdest thing.

Drink soda, nothing happens.

If I lay on my left side and like open my mouth, like this like weird, like creak

comes out.

No, cannot burp.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's weird.

And what the doctors say is a paralyzed.

It's something,

it's a paralyzation in your like larynx.

How did that happen?

It's like a muscle.

Some people just have it.

This is what he has.

No burp syndrome.

Yeah.

Retrograde Crisco Farry.

Okay, I can't even read that word.

It sounds so uncomfortable.

Some kind of dysfunction.

You get like a Botox shot, but there is no chance on this earth.

Like, what's the benefit?

I get to burp, you stick it in the bottom of the body.

And then you have more wrinkles in your fucking forehead.

Oh, no, they put it in your throat.

You don't want to be needling it.

Well, that's the natural next to one from that fucking forehead.

It's a needle one.

Like you're out of that second shin.

Yeah, I know.

This fucking guy don't talk for four bucks.

Watch when he puts on the camera.

So you're telling me then all the all your gas that you store up has to come out in one spot.

Yes.

And your wife still got married to that.

Yes.

She's still, did you tell her before you got married that you had this syndrome?

Well, I've been with my wife 20 years, so no, I don't.

Did you have to tell her, like, you know, why?

Like, I don't know.

You know why you never heard me burp, buddy?

I don't think I really thought about it for like the longest time.

Like the longest time I'd ever like thought about like, hey, I don't burp until like one day, like everyone was burping.

They're like, you burp.

I was like, I can't.

They're like, well, that's weird.

I was like, yeah, I guess it is weird.

Never really thought about the fact that I just couldn't do it.

Yeah.

And how long did you have glasses too as a kid?

No, I did not have glasses.

Now it says you're supposed to have difficulty vomiting or a fear of it, do you?

I don't have a fear of it.

I do have difficulty.

I don't vomit very often.

I have a fear of vomiting.

I could rip a fucking burp dome.

Ask the yard.

Gurgling noises.

Look at the fourth one.

Gurgling noises from the neck and chest.

Yeah, if I lay on my left-hand side, like open my mouth, it like.

Do you tend to not lay on your left side so your so your missus doesn't hear this weird?

Gurgling noise.

She knows, like, she'll be like, roll over.

Yeah.

You're gurgling again.

We're not a joke.

It's not a joke.

Roll over.

I want to know if that's the pipes or not.

We got to call Plumber.

Wow.

So for you, I can't imagine burping is a humorous.

It's not.

No.

No.

Othering.

It's the opposite.

Yeah.

It's like, again, feel jealous.

Yeah.

Do you enjoy a fart joke?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it's pretty universal.

I agree with that.

I considered you so fucking intelligent, too.

But that makes it low, bro.

That's all this is going to say.

Absolutely.

I had so much respect for you.

Listen, in the right context, a fart joke can be funny.

Yeah, I don't think every fart joke is fun.

Yeah, not every, like, if this guy lets one go, no, it's not going to be funny.

That's no joke.

No, we're leaving.

And especially if, like, you're not, like, I know some people will, like, you know, if they get into a car together, somebody will fart and it'll be like, like, Jim Norton is one of these guys where you purposely.

And Jim Florentine, another one, will purposely fart and like to almost like make your eyes tear.

Yeah, yeah, so you have to to roll down the window.

I don't find that fun.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't even smell that.

I don't either.

I don't find that funny.

Is it because you're like a super smeller?

Is that like you have such sensitive nose to it?

Like you feel I'm just a fucking human being, bro.

I just consider other people's feelings and

don't feel that

I want to subject them to the fucking odors that come out of my body.

It doesn't necessarily have to be about the odors.

Sometimes it's just the sound.

Yeah, like if you're in the supermarket and you see like an old woman bend down to pick up like a can of beans from the bottom shelf, you don't go

and make your make your fucking friends laugh.

You're smiling.

Look at that.

I'm smiling because I can't believe that a fucking guy who is fucking hailed as one of the fucking greatest comedians in the last 10 years.

Yeah, fucking IJ.

Come on, man.

The most successful comedy show

is now telling on mic

that you think it's funny if some, if an old lady is bending over and somebody goes,

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's hysterical.

Leslie Nielsen was.

Especially if she hears it.

You know what?

I will say this, too.

If I do fart at the house around people, I'll immediately blame Sage and act like she's the most disgusting person on earth.

Like, da-da!

Like, argue about it.

So to me, that's funny.

If you're watching a movie and a character bends over, you don't go and make everybody.

I never laughed.

Never laughed.

Now, I've had two Frenchies, and they tend to do that a lot.

They will pass gas.

Yeah.

Never once thought it was funny or made a joke about it.

I try to not

try to acknowledge it.

I just try to like, you know, just ignore it.

They need to work on their timing.

That's what the problem is.

I'm telling you, next time you're watching a movie or a TV show and a character bends over and you're watching it with your wife, just go,

it'll kill.

It'll kill.

I highly doubt it that she's going to find that funny.

She's going to think I'm the biggest fucking redneck.

God told me to do that.

What happened in your life that you're this anti-war?

I just don't think it's funny.

I've never thought it was funny.

I've never, I've never been, I just think it's rude.

I think it's, I think it's a lack of

consideration for people around you.

It's, it's, yeah.

What about in a movie or something, the movie or TV show?

What?

Will you be aware of it?

To utilize to make a, to make a quick joke?

Yeah, you don't have to see it.

Have you seen Blazing Saddles?

Never saw it.

That's good jokes.

Good fart jokes in there.

Yeah.

Whole scene about it.

Or if a spy was hiding behind a computer console in an enemy lair, hiding out in the Fate of the Worlds, and then he farts and they figure out that he's there.

That's Comedy Gold, man.

Yeah, that's some good stuff.

It's like Wuston Power shit.

Waste Power's very successful.

Very successful movies.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, that's the funniest line in the whole fucking movie.

Yeah, baby.

Could you work

a really good fart joke?

And a small person being called Mini Me.

Yep.

Height of comedy.

Wow, now you're angry at Austin Powers.

And a fat bastard.

And a fat bastard.

Yeah, you don't like that all the time.

I've never been more,

I don't want to say a shame, but like.

I've never been more, like, I didn't really want to know Sunday when he was fucking so into Austin Powers that he was collecting everything Austin Powers.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I just was so

embarrassed for him.

I got the rare variant where it says fat bastard instead of fat guy, which is going to be worth millions.

Yes,

that's true, man.

That's true, yeah.

He brought both versions.

Where are those tonight?

Is he still out?

He sold that shit at a loss on eBay when his life went to hell.

What's that go for on eBay right now when his life went to hell?

Oh.

All right.

A fat bastard is going on eBay right now for $35.

That's not too bad.

It's tumbled a lot.

Yeah.

At its height, it was way more than that.

It's been listed for four years.

Sorry, I farted.

That

actual log.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I know they were successful, but they were a mystery to me as why they were that successful.

Oh, they were fun.

I like the first one a lot.

Yeah, the first one's great.

When's the last one you watched?

You know what?

I re-watched it a couple years ago.

And it held up.

Didn't love it as much as I should.

I will say that.

Yeah.

I think the sequels probably got a little too into themselves, but the first one was really funny.

Okay.

All right.

Where's Fat Guy?

Fat Man.

Fat Man.

Is that him?

Yeah.

Fat Man.

Could you imagine that?

This is an era before.

all the shit went nuts that they had to change it to fat.

Shaming and shit.

Well, I don't think every fat, every fart joke is funny, but I do think that it's a potent comedy tool in the right hands.

Hey, it, and who

I'm not saying that it doesn't land because it certainly does, but it, you know, I just would like to surround myself with people who don't find it that funny.

It's way too late for you.

I don't know where you're going about it.

Yeah, there's a whole whooping cushion industry built around.

Yeah,

I understand that, yeah, a segment of the population will find that funny but

so years back you're going through the back of comics and like they're selling whoopee cushions yes you're just like cross cross side i'm not i'm not interested in

your teacher sitting on a whoopee cushion

no

no wow not for me

all right ready for number two hold on let me read something

no we've run into this whole

farting uh thing

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Since we're talking about sports, hold that thought, bro.

I want to thank you.

This weekend,

my Lions lost, and I had

been finding myself in a depressed state because of it.

Oh, boy.

I want to ask you, how did you handle it like this past baseball season when both your teams didn't win?

How did you come out of it?

How'd you get yourself out of this?

I'm still not out of it.

Really?

Yeah, look at me.

He's not even glowing about factors.

Really?

I was hoping that you could help me get me out of my funk.

There's absolutely nothing worse in this world than when your sports team loses.

There's only one way to get it.

This is not what I expected.

It's the fucking worst, dude.

There's no way to get past it, I don't think.

You just got to hold on until a victory comes your way.

Did you see in the Lions stands, they were stomping that guy's head?

Because I guess he was from the opposing team and he was giving the Lions fans shit.

They turned on him.

Yeah, I saw the video.

It's bad news.

I kind of went offline about it

after the game.

I just kind of

sat in a dark, empty room for two days.

That ain't going to work.

There's room over there

on the Eagles bandwagon you want to hop on.

The Eagles.

That's the worst thing to go watch live.

There's nothing worse than a fucking self-hating New Jersey and rooting for a fucking Philadelphia theme.

I'll tell you what, like, I mean, we're watching this guy got stomped at the Lions game.

Wow.

Why you would go to

another stadium with your...

Like, I know you like to represent stuff, but it seems like suicide almost.

Well, the NFL has a major problem with fan violence, and they are not addressing it.

Those guys,

was it an in the Eagles game just recently?

The guy screaming at the lady calling.

Now the Eagles are notoriously the worst, but like that is not fair because every single NFL city deals with this.

And the NFL is all about, oh, player safety, player safety.

Well, you better fucking worry about the safety of the fucking guys who are paying the money.

They're really the fucking bosses.

Without those fans, you ain't got shit.

And you're allowing them to get abused because you're not willing to fucking bring in more cops and security.

Yeah,

that stomping was pretty bad.

That should never happen.

No.

And now Tom is an Eagles fan, and that story broke about that New Jersey guy, another self-hating New Jersey guy from New Brunswick who got caught using the C-word.

Right.

Yeah.

He says he said, I read a statement by him.

He said that, like, it'll, the video only shows part of it.

Right.

And that a whole bunch of people.

I talked to Tom about it because he was vehemently fucking defending the guy.

No, no.

You fucking liar.

That guy is not lying.

No.

There's always another side to the story wall.

No, you're a sign of story's living.

It is a good guy.

No, he said nothing.

I said, he was 100% wrong.

I said, he deserved everything.

I said, I don't know if he deserved to get fired from his job for something that happened outside of it.

That's what I was saying.

I was there for a living, right?

What's that?

Do you see what he did for a living?

I think it was in

a PR thing, right?

He worked for a DEI company.

Yeah, yeah.

He didn't know not to color him.

He didn't know not to color

shocking.

Yes.

Didn't defend the man.

You are crying, crocodile.

You can't.

You can tell that through the text messaging

right here.

You're crying in that guy's defense.

Like, he's a crazy man.

He shouldn't have lost his job.

He shouldn't have lost his livelihood over a word.

That's not what I said.

I do tend to agree with it, though.

Like, just like, it's unbelievable that, like...

These war parties that go out, like,

he gets into a fight with this lady.

They're yelling back and forth.

And instead of just like letting it go it's like let's hunt him down and ruin his entire life because he called a lady some name that seems that does i have no sympathy really i have no sympathy then did you act like

a time call the uh call uh the yarn lady a concept right

the police officer

wasn't it wasn't she she was given uh she was given tickets or it was something to do with like you you feed in the meters

oh i remember this yeah i personally was being harassed, though, by a fucking.

Oh, you mean like that man was being harassed by the Green Bay Packer fan?

No, she wasn't being harassed.

He wasn't, she wasn't harassing him.

What?

Harassing him is wearing the other team's colors?

No, no, no.

Come on, bro.

There's more to that story, bro, man.

There's more to that story.

You've got to fuck.

He said it.

That's some bad karma right there.

No, I agree.

No.

That's some bad karma.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I 100% agree.

Yeah, he was totally in the wrong with it.

I just don't know if they're crossing back the line from.

How do you face your family after that?

Would you go home and go, honey?

I got bad news.

Did you see the video?

I was fired today.

Oh, God.

That's why.

Well,

there was a Green Bay Packer fan at the game.

Can you believe that?

She was ribbing me.

She was wearing the other team's jacket.

I had to call her a cunt.

What choice did I have?

It's a moral imperative.

But you can do that these days.

You can, like, cut half the video.

You don't know what led up to it.

It's true.

He could have been incited.

But I got a feeling he drops that word on more

casually.

If you're

a public and green man.

Agreed.

Yeah.

If that's in your vocabulary, it's in your vocabulary.

Agreed.

But Q, I was really coming here today that you were going to pick me up and tell me, give me some sort of sage-like advice like you always do.

Like, how do I get out of this funk?

Because

it's probably never going to happen in my lifetime.

You're dealing with winter, Q, bro.

I can barely fucking lift my head off the fucking pillow in the morning to start my day.

I can't take it anymore.

So, you're telling me I got to wait till fucking spring?

Yeah.

I got nothing, man.

I got fucking nothing.

I got nothing.

I can't take it anymore.

You got to wait till Q West comes back.

I'm fucking dying here, bro.

You can call from Q West.

Yeah, I'll give you an energy, George.

I'll help you out with the fucking sun, but dude, it's bleak, man.

It's bleak.

I can't take it anymore.

Have you tried one of those headphones?

There's no point in trying to get them.

There's no point in trying.

I need sun and warmth and

a plug.

I really was like, you know what will make me better?

A little B12.

No, I got nothing to be.

I would suggest maybe go watch Austin Powers and

laugh a little bit.

Should I just root for the winning team?

Just wait till there's a determined to win or the Superman and be like, that's my team.

I mean, yeah, why not?

I mean, there are no rules.

Will it make you feel better?

If it'll make you feel better, I'd say, do it.

But how hollow is that, though?

But none of it matters anyway.

Like, nothing matters.

We're all going to be dead, and that's the end of that.

I mean, enjoy life.

That's a cue I like to hear.

It's like, literally, none of it matters.

Nothing can matter less than sports outcomes, Walt.

So, you know, just,

you know,

It's just fucking what you expected, huh?

No, I was really hoping getting myself psyched up for a real pick-me-up.

I got nothing.

It's fucking 4:30 and it's pitch black out here.

Yeah, fucking take it, man.

It's really getting to me.

Okay.

I've lost the ability to make eye contact with people.

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All right,

nice.

We got one more, but we'll wait.

My strong

a few please.

All right.

Number two.

This is a more recent one.

We're not going to feudal Japan with this one.

Have you heard of the giant of Kandahar?

Yes, because I texted it to you.

Never even heard of it.

I like how you pull this shit when you're like, hey, could you use this for overkill?

And then you throw me into the blast, and I'm like, yeah, that's a good idea.

Let me use it.

Okay, I'm sorry.

You're right.

You're right.

I'm just pissy because of my lines.

So in 2002, a group of Army Rangers were supposed to clear out a cave when a 15-foot-tall, six-fingered, red-haired giant impaled one of their comrades.

It took 30 seconds of sustained shooting to take it down.

Nice.

And supposedly,

they thought it might be a nifilum.

Do you know what a nifilum is, though?

Yes, an angel.

Close.

Well,

it's got no sexual organs.

Nope.

No, it doesn't.

It doesn't have any sexual organs.

How do you know that's the case?

Have you investigated them?

Because I read a book about Nifrims.

Oh, I don't think that's the case.

You read a whole book about Nifams.

You read a whole book?

Yeah.

Then, how many chapters were devoted to the tale?

How many pages were illustrated?

It's like comic books and shit, bro.

The whole thing was illustrated.

I don't read real books.

I ain't got time for that shit.

Gotta worry about the locks.

They shot this thing?

Yes.

Where's its bones?

So supposedly they reported it to their person in charge, and they took the bones out, and we don't know what happened to them afterwards.

Okay.

So they think it might have been the last niphilum, which is

the offspring of an angel, a male angel

and a woman.

A regular old woman?

Yes.

Aren't you impressed I knew how something to do in angels?

Yes.

I am very impressed by that.

Thank you.

I don't know about the sexual.

But angels don't have any genitalia, you're saying.

No, angels do.

He claims that niphilims don't.

Niflims don't.

They don't have.

There's a difference between an angel and a niflim?

They're the offspring.

They're like demi-angels.

Sargel 18

might be an offspring.

Sargel 18.

So they're like racial.

No, no, no, he does.

Okay.

But his father may not have.

But then how was he born a few of them?

Or his mother may not have.

But where did his father say?

Where did he come out of it?

It's all done through cosmic

ways.

It's not done grunting like two fucking

funnels and shit.

A summer guy comes in on a surfboard.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

I can get behind this.

So there could be more created.

There may not be none now, but an angel may come down and bang some girl, and then we got another one of these.

Potentially, yes, because Afghanistan.

We got an American one?

I would like an American giant of Kandar.

It's hard to say because Afghanistan is one of the earliest civilizations ever, and that they assumed that at some point, if angels came down, they would be one of the groups of people that they would have had to be.

Yeah, but the angels could come down to Staten Island right now and bang some lucky Staten Island girl, and then we have a giant of Staten Island.

Yeah.

They could.

I don't know.

I think the Angels made the right choice staying out of Staten Island.

She's going to Afghanistan.

Yeah.

And nobody found out about it.

You know,

Staten Island ain't going to be able to keep that secret.

60% of Staten Island is park parkland.

You know, there's a lot of giants.

You can't hide any caves?

Yeah, there's caves, there's hills, there's now the giant was it dead when they found it?

No, no, no.

It attacked them.

They were supposed to clear out a cave and immediately...

They were looking for Al-Qaeda?

Yes.

And they were supposed to clear out a cave.

You're lying.

You don't even know.

I mean, I don't know the exact mission.

I assume that was what they were there, 2002.

Didn't I just fucking fight these things in the latest Indiana Jones game?

Maybe.

Look up, again, see, Indiana Jones and the Great Circle.

I think I just tussled with these motherfuckers.

With a Kandaharian giant?

Yeah, Tony Todd played him.

It was like the last thing he did before he died.

Maybe.

Now, why would that be kept a secret, you think, from

the public?

Are we ready for that?

Are we ready for the if you had definitive?

I was ready for Manu Bowl when he burst onto the scene in the 80s and played for the Washington Bullets.

And I didn't fucking lose my shit and fucking,

you know, think that the world was going to end because there was an eight-foot-tall man.

Yes.

But this is only seven feet.

How many fingers did he have, though?

Yes.

Five.

Correct.

You're looking at.

The sixth finger is going to be the difference.

It might be.

I think there's a lot of kids who are born with six fingers if you really.

Oh, they got them amputated, yeah.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Why would they get that amputated?

That sounds awesome.

Because it's a non-working finger.

Oh, it's like just vestigial, they call them whatever.

Yeah, when I was young, Pam used to work in

the nursery.

And she remembered one time she brought home a test tube with fluid in it, and there was a little finger in it.

That's got to be fucking not nothing.

Oh, that's the 100% problem.

So many laughs.

I don't think they can get her now.

It was pretty cool.

Was there a fight over it, you think, at the hospital?

I know.

Wow.

It was a little test tube with a little blue cap on it, and like you could just see the little tiny finger floating around.

How old do you think you were?

Oh, probably like eighth grade.

Pretty young.

Metal.

Yeah.

You were not that young.

And you were like,

mom,

you could lose your job over this.

What are you doing?

No.

I was like, that's awesome.

No.

It didn't occur.

Those things don't occur.

This is the 70s.

I don't know if you were.

Wait, 70s?

This would have been

early 80s.

I think it doesn't occur to you, though.

That she's going to lose her job?

Yeah.

I don't know.

As an adult, you think that when you were a kid, you thought exactly everything the same.

And

I don't think that's true.

I remember you as a kid, man.

I remember you.

I remember you actually.

That's right.

I'm here to say it.

If my mom brought home a severed finger

and was like parading it around, showing everybody, I'd be like, that is.

No, she only gave it to me.

She didn't parade it around and show everybody.

She gave it to me.

Only to you.

She didn't show the other kids.

No.

No, only to me.

Do you think she still remembers?

Like, if you called her up right now.

She might.

How do you forget that?

I mean, really?

Any other body parts?

Yeah, I was going to say, maybe.

Unfortunately, not just a little finger.

Did you guys keep it or what?

I don't remember what ever happened to it.

No,

it was in my room for a long time, and then I moved, and I probably just got lost in the shuffle somewhere.

Some little kid's finger.

She maybe found out she used it as

Edgar and her using it in the bedroom as a toy.

Would that really fuck your world up?

Probably.

I mean, I would be like, that's small.

Mom!

How tight are you?

No, she used it on Edgar.

Oh, yeah, there you go.

Lord Almighty.

She's like, I'm going to suck the soul right out of your ass.

Oh, my God.

Jesus.

So, do you think the world is ready for

angels are real?

No,

that they can have children.

That's a theory that it's a nephrim.

But why couldn't we just say, hey, we found a 15-foot-tall man?

Because we've never found one before.

Right, but we've come close.

How close?

Manupole?

That's half-time.

No, no, no.

The tallest man that ever lived

is not that far off from fucking 15.

Oh, I disagree with that.

Yeah, get him, pull it up.

Let's get that one.

Something like Robert Wadlow or something.

Yeah, that poor guy.

8'11 inches.

That's nowhere.

It's only half.

Okay.

Now take the tallest man on earth, double him, give him an extra finger.

You know he's fine.

And have him coming out of a cave.

Robert Wadlow,

then he could barely walk and shit like that.

But an angel offspring has got to be strong and ready to go.

I was stabbed in an an army ranger though but this might just be a mutant dude who had a pituitary gland you know

2002 oh so it was 2002 so it's not like a really long time ago so this was probably some fucking

i don't know what's going on couple had this freakish throw in the cave and just like discarded it so you're saying you don't believe in this i believe it's possible that there's a 15 foot tall man i don't don't believe it's from an angel like having sex with a human.

Because you don't believe in angels.

No, absolutely.

And angels will watch over us.

So then why can't you?

So you don't

get like

they don't have lusts in their heart.

No angels?

The fallen ones.

Well, they're in hell.

Satan.

Yeah, they're in hell, though.

No.

That's not an angel.

There's no pussy in heaven.

It's an archangel.

No pussy in heaven, you're saying.

I believe her, but beyond that, just like there's no fart jokes in heaven, I don't believe anybody's getting busy.

I think that's that's a huge guess.

Okay, all right.

So, what the fuck is that?

It's a spiritual thing, listening to music and shit.

Well, what's the point of listening to music if it ain't gonna fucking have waterfalls?

I can't even turn on the radio without wanting to bang a chubby.

Yeah, like, so you're telling me, Tom,

it's confirmed that there's a 15-foot-tall man.

You're you're

what is shaking in your world that you're like, well, that, well, game game over, bro?

Well, we've never heard one.

If we see a man, double the largest man on earth, and he has six fingers, and he comes out of a cave.

But if he has that six finger may not work.

Just maybe hanging on.

If he grabbed a spear and stabbed an Army Ranger guy with it, I'm assuming all six work.

Stabbed him and then took 30 seconds of sustained shooting to kill him, I'm going to assume that's the offspring of an angel.

Were they good shots?

Yes.

They were good shots.

Well, I don't know.

Again,

we're in overkill territory, so

no bullshit.

Like, would you really be shaken to the core if you found out there was a 15-foot-tall person?

Yes.

Why would you not be?

It's just a freaking nature.

That's not a freaking nature.

I would, like, if I was a soldier and I stumbled across them in a cave in Candlehart, then I would freak out.

If I just heard it, I wouldn't be shaken.

Conversely, would you be shaken to the core if you found out there was a one-foot tall person?

No.

No.

Great point, point, baby.

Gray point.

Because I can take them.

That's correct.

Yeah, I'm not shaken to the core by it.

Yeah, look at this guy.

But if there's a six-inch man.

Can you zoom in a bit, get a bit of a shot?

That's shaking me to the core.

A six-inch man?

Why?

Well, because weren't you shaken to the core by one of those little

dolls that were like six inches big, the Zuli things?

The fetish.

Yeah, I was also seven.

He was seven years old now.

Oh, so it wouldn't freak you out now if you saw a Zuli come to life in your house.

I believe there are men who are shorter than a foot.

I don't even know what to answer.

There's a woman.

There's definitely a woman.

I've seen her.

Oh, that little girl who hangs out with a real tall lady?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think she's like two or three feet tall, not six inches tall.

Yeah, no, I think.

There she is.

How tall is that one?

Two foot.

Two foot.

Yeah, not six inches.

Oh, this poor kid.

Two foot.

Give or take a couple of feet.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, so double that.

That's not shaking.

Brian, is that shaking you to your core?

That she's two feet tall?

No, the 16-foot tall.

I would be surprised.

Yeah, sure.

Are you going to reassess things in your life, possibly?

Something that big that you have no idea ever existed?

No fucking way.

Reassessing shit.

It's pretty striking.

You know what it takes me to reassess?

I mean, it would.

I think that a lot of people would freak out.

I think you would get people who believe that.

That it was spawned from an angel.

Yeah, I think that there would be some.

I think that would start a lot of problems i do really i do if people were like well fucking angels are real which means my religion's right which means we're going to war i think that's generally how these things go

but would you be afraid if the let's say the let's say the 15 foot tall man yeah then it turned out they did an autopsy it's like oh fuck he's got one of those fucking tumors in his head that causes like jaws James Keel.

Sure.

And it was just a tumor that was not addressed.

Then you were like, oh, shit.

Maybe I shouldn't have went to war.

I wouldn't freak out.

I wouldn't want to fight that guy.

But I would assume with you.

Young Q would.

Young Q,

yeah.

Young Q would also kick his ass.

That's the difference.

That's the fucking difference.

Everybody, like, they're all standing around this giant, like, all smiling as if he's not a threat.

Is he tied up?

Is that what's in his hands?

It's an AI image.

Yeah.

That's not real.

Yeah, that was from 1923.

Who are the people?

Is it just people?

I don't know.

I hate AI.

It makes me believe in giants.

Were you the tallest guy in high school?

Or was it Mark London?

Mark London, yeah.

Mark London was like 6'6.

Yeah.

His brother was even taller.

He was 6'7.

Yeah, nobody was fucking losing their shit.

No, nobody was like...

No, no one's losing it for like, you know, 6'7 inches taller than everyone else.

Not almost triple that.

And six fingers.

And six fingers.

And coming out of a case.

And he's violent to Kaydah Giant?

Yes, he attacked immediately.

But I mean, that could be his home, so it could have been self-defense.

Like, how do you know they didn't throw a flashbang down there and piss him off?

Yeah.

Might have been justified.

If somebody came into my house and just started shooting through a flashbang at everybody above that piss.

How much credence do you actually give this story?

Oh, in all honesty.

Zero.

Zero.

Yeah.

Why?

Because you don't believe it's possible for a human being to reach those heights.

I don't think it's possible for a human being to reach those heights.

No.

And I don't believe that an angel banged a woman.

No, I don't believe that.

But I do believe that

these freakish

abnormalities happen on a regular basis.

I don't see why it's not impossible to believe a guy could get to that height.

I don't think he's coming out of that cave doing anything other than just crawling out because he probably can't even move properly.

Like all his joints would be compromised.

Not if he's half angel.

Well, if he's half angel, yeah, but if he's just a regular giant, like, just think about how his heart has to pump blood to everything.

Killing a giraffe.

Yeah.

So I'd go with half angel.

It's the only way it works.

Anything else on the Kandahar giant?

So, no credence to it?

I put this in the realm of probably not true.

Yeah.

Want it to be true.

I wish we lived in a world where.

But I mean, we have seen really tall big people, though.

Yeah, half that size.

Yeah.

That's a big difference.

And they're miserable.

Yeah, definitely.

They're always miserable.

Unless they're in the NBA or something.

Yeah,

they're under no fucking thoughts that they're fucking angel spawned.

No.

They're under no illusions that their existence is blessed.

You want to do your thing?

Yeah, you got three stories?

Yes, I got it.

Okay, so I'll just read this real fast.

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Who's back?

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Oh, yeah.

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At some point in our illustrious love lives, we've all asked our partner the same age-old question that guys have probably been asking for thousands of years.

Am I big?

Then the lady lies to them.

Is this really the copy?

Yep.

Well, Miundi's doesn't know the actual answer to that or if your partner gave you the actual truth.

Yeah, see, that's what I mean.

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But as soon as they come off, though.

Yeah, I know.

That's the well, you got to start to turn the lights out.

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Are there people who really are like swayed by that copy?

Like, oh man, I'm really self-conscious about my size, my girth.

I got to get on Miyundis.

I bet you there are.

Wow.

I'll bet you there's people that are like anything to help.

What is the code again?

Anything to help.

But who are you impressing?

Who are you impressing, though?

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When you got that vasectomy, did it have any unforeseen effects on

things you didn't like?

Oh, wow, well, I didn't expect that.

I shrunk.

No,

no.

Didn't shrink.

No.

No, no, no unforeseen.

I did have to wear special underwear for like a week.

Wow, wow.

Magic underwear like Mormons?

Because I had to copy it better.

Because there's like a specialty.

You could have used the ball caddy.

I could have used the ball catty.

I do wear meundies only, but I had to buy different.

So I wish meundis would have sent me the ball caddy.

Were they fashionable, at least?

Or would they look like medical under?

No, no, no.

They were like big regulars.

They were like boxer briefs.

So they were okay.

They weren't like the women, the ones that you were like.

If you're at the office and you bent over to pick up a box of files and someone saw you.

You see?

End the show.

End it.

I want to be my last one.

You see?

It was just because of all the work you put in before that, though.

But you're bending over and someone sees your medical underwear, would they know, like, oh my God, Tom, the boss is wearing fucking medical underwear.

I just like you saying it.

I was home the whole time, so I didn't have to worry about that.

Okay.

Oh, you didn't go into work?

No, I was home for a couple days after that.

Yeah, you can't really walk.

You like ice your balls, right?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

You couldn't sit at your on your ass like you normally do at work and just fucking

really

telling me you just don't sit at a fucking monitor all day?

I do.

That's exactly what I did, but I couldn't do that for three days.

Of course not, all right.

You needed that fucking, you needed that comp, right?

I had to limit my walk.

You needed that comp that I had to pay for.

I wasn't.

I took PTO.

I wasn't online.

This man has believed.

This man has been bragging.

Apparently, they got him a new mini fridge for his office.

Oh, my God.

And how he completely stocks it himself.

You're on my fucking time.

Why are all of your time?

Why What are my taxes?

What do your taxes do?

What do you think I was on disability for?

I had it on like a Thursday.

I took Thursday and Friday off of my own time.

But yes, I do wish Miyundi would have sent me a ball carry.

You got paid for that, huh?

Yes, I got paid for it.

You took my time.

It's like an anti-maternity leave.

I did take maternity leave when I had my second kid.

Of course you did.

Yeah.

Get all you can get.

Six or seven weeks.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Walt was back to work the same day his wife had his work.

Boom.

Yeah.

Yep.

Just gave birth that morning.

I was fucking back at the stash, fucking bagging up comics.

Fucking sick.

Yeah, I wouldn't have worked in my ass.

It doesn't suck up anybody's tax revenue.

Fucking cradle those precious fucking nuts while I'm fucking busting my ass.

The good news is that work ethic and dedication really paid off for you, Walt.

You know what, though?

I still can look myself in the mirror and be like, I didn't take no time off.

You know,

an honest day's work was put in, even with maternity leave.

No paternity leave back then.

No way.

Could you imagine?

No fucking way.

I'd fucking rip that fucking charity check up and

try to give it to me.

Carol,

can I have

paternity leave?

The fucking Kenar giant working in that office.

Go to that cave, you're going to get to stand, take 30 shots and take it down.

How many sick days you get?

How many sick days you get?

A lot.

How many?

I don't know, like 25.

Motherfucker.

Holy shit.

That's insane.

Really?

That was insane.

25 a year?

Yeah.

That's assuming somebody's going to be really sick.

Yeah.

That's like.

All right.

We're ready for the

reality.

I love them.

They're responsibly sourced.

They use sustainably source materials and work with partners that care for the workers.

Must be nice.

Problem-free philosophy.

I must be.

I was fucking sick.

I'm still fucking watching videos, clearing them to fucking for Patreon,

fucking designing fucking merchandise while I'm fucking coughing my lungs out.

Liking snow gloves.

Fuck yeah.

Moving shit in the garage.

Christmas episode with a catheter on.

Yeah, yeah, motherfucker.

Yeah.

You're just

out of full straightness argument.

Like, put two fucking catheters in.

It's an extra long episode.

Didn't you do a Christmas episode?

Didn't you do ping pod with the catheter?

Yeah, but I still beat all your asses.

Fuck it.

The inauguration is all worked on.

Up the lions, bro.

Oh, this is a good one.

Fucking angry, yeah.

You could come with some kind of advice.

It would have calmed them down.

I'm learning right now.

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diversion from beyundies there a little bit yeah a little bit

you don't feel any guilt you don't feel any guilt like you're fucking you're fucking taking fucking money for just sitting on your ass doing nothing What?

No.

The company's offering.

Why would he not take it?

And I took the time off.

If we're talking about the paternity, I took to take my child.

My wife, who had surgery, her like organs moved off the table to help

care for my newborn child.

You didn't work at home?

I know.

You just couldn't do your work at home.

Yeah, no, of course not.

Couldn't find the time, right?

I was too busy watching YouTube.

TikTok.

He was on TikTok, yeah.

Honey, you see this brand new recipe?

No one's working here.

I don't know what you're angry about.

What are you versus right now?

Eternity leader?

He was talking shit before the episode started.

Oh, okay.

Like an Eagles fan.

You're going to call me the C-word soon?

He got me all riled up defending that Eagles fan.

So I'm still kind of annoyed.

That is fucking crazy for you to defend that guy.

I did not defend those guy.

No,

no.

I did not defend him at all.

I said 100% wrong.

Okay.

Your third

overkill story.

Would you like to hear the connection between the owner of the Kansas City Chiefs,

Hunt?

Right?

Yes.

Not Cunt.

No, not.

You're a Hunt.

The Hunt family.

The Kansas City Chiefs.

A billion pounds of underground cheese, and the JFK assassination.

This has got to be better than that fucking Kansa Harr story.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Don't prep it up too much.

How big is this underground cheese?

Over a billion pounds.

Wow.

Why do they keep it underground?

So I'm going to get to that.

Okay.

All right.

So it turns out that the owner, well, he's dead now, but Lamar Hunt, Kansas City Chiefs, right?

Who are poised to win a three-peat.

Yes.

So interesting things about him, we're going to squirrel a little bit.

Did you know that he wasn't allowed to buy a team?

So, he created with a couple other owners the AFL.

Of course, I know that.

And he coined the term Super Bowl.

Yes, I know.

He actually came to it.

Why was he not allowed to buy a team?

They didn't want to sell

the NFL wasn't interested in expanding.

Yeah, and they were very standard.

Back in the early 60s.

So he decided he was going to make an alternate league.

A couple years later, they absorbed, became one, and he said, why don't we have these two leagues battle each other in a Super Bowl?

So he came up with that term.

What he's also known for in the 60s.

80s just kicked on.

Yes.

Oh, that's the heat.

76 degrees.

What the fuck?

Yeah, it's

a saga.

Giddle sends us daily reports of it getting like 80 in here.

All right.

All right.

So.

I told him he's got carte blanche to go do whatever needs to be done to get it done.

Get another office.

Yeah, go ahead.

There you go.

I'm working on this issue right now.

So far, it's going to involve smart thermostats and a back door.

You know, we don't have to leave Airport Plaza again.

We could find another office here with a window and stay in Airport Plaza.

I don't think there's any offices with windows.

I don't think so.

Really?

I've been all around here.

I don't think there are.

There might be, but I really don't think there are any.

Where's that computer guy that left?

The computer guy that left?

Fucking mad.

I mean, we all know.

Have they not put windows?

Q would be happier.

Look at the sun, maybe.

All right.

There is no sun.

So, what he's also known for is that years in the 1960s, he created in limestone caves in Missouri

what's called Subtropolis.

And Subtropolis is

all true at all.

This is all 100% true, confirmed.

It's called Subtropolis.

Parts of it are owned by

leased out for Pillsbury, Ford,

and the United States government.

So the United States government, yes, there's a picture on one of the entrants.

It's miles and miles.

It looks like Planet of the Apes.

I'm going to say Wargames.

It looks like a bunker, yeah,

that the president would go to if the nukes are about to fucking go.

No, interesting.

So we're going to tie up a couple of things with it.

One of the things is that the government leases several buildings in it.

One of them was used in the 60s to store cheese.

During the 60s and 70s and 80s,

the price of milk fluctuated up and down due to demand, and they needed to stabilize it.

So the government said, we will buy whatever you can't sell, which made the farmers greedy.

And then they started mass producing as much milk as they can, knowing if they couldn't sell it, the government would step in.

Like a guy who doesn't need time at work.

That's correct.

So, because of that, but takes it anyway.

So, because of that, I'm entitled.

He,

the government had all this milk, so they turned it into cheese.

But very quickly, they realized the cheese was going bad.

Hence, they started giving it away to people as government cheese.

So, at one point, they had billions and billions, millions and millions of pounds of cheese that they started giving away to people as government cheese.

And this kept going and stabilizing and everything else.

After a while, eventually, most of it did disappear, but for decades, there was just

what do you mean, disappear?

Like they was giving away or they had to throw it away because it went bad.

A lot of it stabilized.

So we still have some storage, like during COVID, they store a certain amount of food in these limestone caves because the temperature doesn't change.

It really stays between 60 and 70, low humidity.

So it's perfect for storing things.

She had an office there.

It sounds great for podcasts.

No windows.

You're underground.

So it's a perfect place to store things.

And the government has several buildings.

They claim that they store stamps there.

They store just paperwork.

Stamps.

Yes.

Why stamps?

What the fuck is that?

Because of the humidity.

They don't want the stamps.

If the humidity rises too high, the stamps are not.

Are the stamps valuable or are they just stamps you put on a letter?

Like stamps you put on a letter prior to that.

But they're fucking worthless.

Well, they haven't been used yet.

They're stamps that will go into production.

There's stamps that will go into production.

Okay.

And there's cars down there.

Can I ask a question about the cheese, though?

Yes.

The cheese that's still there.

Yes.

Is it almost a 100-year-old cheese?

Well, it's

no.

Some of it does get used for aging purposes.

So, yes, a lot of the cheese is there for the aging.

That could have been from the 60s it was sitting in there?

Some of it is, yes.

You're like 60-year-old cheese?

Yeah, a lot of it gets aged down there specifically because the aged cheese tends to age well.

Some of it does.

Some brands do.

Yes.

Some of it does.

Not every brand of cheese does, but

there are lots of areas where the government just owns it that we don't know what they do.

So let's back up a little to

Lamar Hunt's father, E.L.

Hunt, who was the inspiration for J.R.

Ewing's character in Dallas.

Yes, he was a multi-million dollar oil magnate.

who had very, very conservative and anti-Kennedy views.

And in fact, it's said that the day before Kennedy was assassinated, Lyndon B.

Johnson,

E.

L.

Hunt, and several other millionaires had a meeting.

And in that meeting, right after it, Lyndon B.

Johnson's supposed mistress,

on her deathbed, confessed that at that meeting, she was told that Lyndon B.

Johnson said, after tomorrow, that bastard Kennedy won't be a problem.

That's not a threat.

That's a promise.

The next day, dead.

Two days later, Jack Ruby.

What was Jack Ruby known for?

He was a nightclub owner who shot Oswald.

Yes.

Right before he did that, the day before, he was seen at E.L.

Hunt's business.

He was eating a Peansburger.

He claimed that he was dropping off someone for a job interview.

But then the next day, Jack Ruby kills Lee Harvey Oswald.

So, tie that all together, Kennedy gets assassinated.

Subtropolis opens.

There are lots of areas down there that the government owns and leases that nobody knows.

Could they have alien?

It opens.

It's open to the public.

You can go to certain areas of it.

It is not completely closed, but it is miles long.

Why have I never heard of it if it's like the tourism?

I don't think it's a tourism.

It's more of a like

Frank Five.

A Franks, yeah.

I don't get them.

I don't know if you can look to see if you could take a tour of parts of Subtropolis, but it is not like completely completely like

people can go there, but not to every area.

So perfect conditions, 67 degrees, no humidity.

You can keep things lasting a long time.

No spikes of electricity to keep things cool because everything's already cool.

What do we got?

Biochemicals down there?

Alien technology?

Nuclear waste.

Nuclear waste.

Anything could be down there.

I wouldn't put it.

No, maybe not nuclear waste.

Well, that might be a store down there.

Yeah,

well, I don't think those two things are connected, but

what do you guys think?

What could be down there?

Miles and miles of it.

Like I said, Ford owns part of it where they put cars down there.

There's a FedEx truck going to it.

Pillsbury owns it.

The government stores large quantities of food.

So when the meat packing plants couldn't do anything during COVID, they release parts of that food into the...

There's a meat reserve?

Yes.

There's several different reserves of food in case of shutdown, like during COVID.

I was going to say,

I'm glad there's just not cheese because I don't eat cheese.

Yeah, I know.

You're being moldy.

That's good cheese.

That's what it's supposed to do.

It is?

Yeah.

That's aged cheese.

Cheese be moldy.

Well, some cheese gets moldy and it's good, like blue cheese.

It's kind of

a monster.

So what do you think?

What else is down there?

I'm sure there's some very valuable shit down there, but I don't believe there's.

Oh, what's that?

National Archives and Records.

Yeah, they keep like films and stuff.

So what happens is the National Archives and Records are

the Office of Bureau and Management, I believe, they keep all their retiree files down there until they can process them into the computer.

And also most of the immigration paperwork for the United States is also down there, too.

Because of the cool temperature, they don't have to worry about the papers disintegrating or anything else.

So the government takes, yeah, look, Subtropolis is a comfortable 65 to 70 every day of the year without air conditioner, without anything.

So it's pretty awesome.

So it is a perfect area to do whatever you need for it.

But it's not secretive, which makes you...

No, no, no.

So parts of it are open, but the parts of the government have are not open.

And the government leases large areas of it.

It's not open, but it seems to me like, like when you get like an area 51 where like you step one foot onto their property and you get shot.

Yeah.

That seems like shit the government wants to really keep from people.

Whereas like if they're just sort of like neighbors with Pillsbury, exactly.

If they're leasing it, that means the owners of Subtropolis have the keys, just like here.

That fucking rent lady comes in here unannounced and get him sleeping.

Oh, really?

And fucking wakes him up, right?

Yeah.

Wow.

Fort Pleasant's a comfortable 70 to 85 degrees.

Oh, no.

It's a comfortable 91 to 94 degrees.

But you have to remember, the government, though, is in cahoots with Lamar Hunt's dad because right around that time subtropolis, Kennedy dud,

he could be involved with it.

What's your feeling on the JFK?

Have you settled on a conspiracy theory yet?

I don't really think I have.

What about you?

What do you think?

I thought the mafia might be involved.

I think there's a lot of plausible

possibilities to who could have been involved.

I think he had a lot of enemies.

He's a safe answer.

He doesn't want to go on the record.

I don't know enough to be able to do that.

I don't think the government's paying his paycheck half that fucking time he's supposed to be working.

Why would he go against it?

Trump said he's going to uh authorize all those full transparency.

Yeah, all the JFK stuff is going to be JFK, RFK.

I can't believe it when I see it.

You said that last time, too.

Did he say last time?

Yep.

Fucking bastard.

When did he say that?

I got to fucking open a newspaper.

No, you don't.

No, you don't.

No, don't worry about it.

All right, good enough.

So you think, would you like to at least go on a tour of this?

I would like to visit Subtropolis.

Okay.

Yeah.

I don't know, but does it smell like cheese?

I don't know.

I did not research enough if that, if the whole thing, I don't think it's going to smell like cheese.

I don't know.

I don't, because I can't.

I think it's going to smell more like limestone, probably.

They got coffee down there.

Yeah.

I mean, I would definitely, like, if I was in the area, and I think I drove through Missouri a couple times, I would have loved to have known about Subtropolis.

Yeah, this looks like pretty dope, man.

I'd go visit this.

If there's anybody out there related to Subtropolis,

I guarantee you there's somebody listening who knows a family member who works at Subtropolis.

There's got to be a lot of people to make that wrong.

Yeah, man.

Somebody's got to be connected out there.

What a weird thing, though, for your business.

Like Pillsbury.

It's like, hey, you want to rent out an underground cave?

It's like, yeah, sure, I guess.

It's miles and miles of like a labyrinth down there.

So it's not like it's like wide open where you can just like, no, you could definitely hide aliens' weapons.

You're not gonna do it, no,

but that's the best place to hide it and what in plain sight.

What's more boring than hiding immigration papers and stamps?

Are you really gonna go look in there?

No, you're gonna be like oh, but you have to

trust that your neighbors who are the public, Pillsbury and Ford, or whoever else is running it, aren't gonna like stumble upon something they shouldn't stumble upon.

Well, what if the be what if it's like a facade?

So I can tell you, we've we've gone into the other offices around here like

doing a holiday break, during holiday break.

How far do you go?

We checked out Ron's fucking records, man.

I don't know how much longer he's going to be in business or fucking hallways.

You go through the front, you look, and you're like, oh, stamps.

Okay, cool.

I'm not going to go any further.

You're not going to go past the stamps.

Normal people.

Not us.

We're like, oh, fuck, stamps.

I'd love to play laser tag there, man.

That looks like a blast.

Rollerblade.

I'd like to play

a big idea

yeah i agree with the guys i i think if if if you know that's what i always said about area 51 i was like

it's area 52 you got to worry about it's like that's where all the cool is if you know about it then it's then it's then you're falling for it that's how i feel

it's a shit you'll never know about so even with the fact that he may have some his dad may have had some connection to the assassination of the president subtropos opens this huge underground cave parts of its own by the government, nothing weird going on down there.

Well, it could just be as simple as just like, look, if you wipe out this rabbo-rousing Catholic, we'll sign a deal with you to store our stamps there, and you'll get all that money.

It could have been something, you know, it could be a financial transaction type thing.

Yeah, I mean, it's definitely stamps.

Just regular

stamps.

If they can't get over the whole, like, why are there stamps down there?

If it's too humid out, the stamps would, you know, talk about saying stamps that would just produce

before like brand new shit.

Yeah, not like stamps that they're just like wasting stamps that they found.

They may actually print the stamps there.

Sure.

Yeah.

And then store them.

Yeah, not used stamps that they're just collecting and throwing in a pile.

Yeah.

Fucking.

What's that fucker's name from Gold and Silver?

Oh, Mark.

Mark from Gold and Silver to talk about stamps.

Sorry.

She should have told me you were going to talk about stamps today.

I thought we'd be more interested in the cheese than the stamps, but

I missed my audience on that one.

Sorry, guys.

Yet again.

Oh, thank you, Tom.

The overkill maestro.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, well done.

That's good stuff.

I never heard of any of those before.

So that was like...

That is his job.

Yeah.

To

enlighten us on things we don't know.

Shine a light in corners that are dark.

Darkest corners of humanity.

Yeah.

We have a lot of corners in our life that aren't that are dark.

Yeah, you don't want a light shone on them.

Well, that's what makes good podcasting, no?

Tell us See Dick, what about oh what's what about