#559: Q’s Madhouse

Can you fucking go somewhere else and smoke that?

Like, why are you right up my ass smoking these joints?

He's a cyst with legs.

legs.

He may be like

inbred or something.

We don't know.

It's likely.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

So he has to look over his back.

He's got back spasms.

Huh?

Oh, he has spasms?

What did you say?

You said he has spasms?

Yeah.

It's always a new malady.

Yeah.

I feel bad for you.

He's like a cockroach.

But it's really just like, it's every day a new health issue.

It's getting older, man.

Is it age or is it lifestyle?

They're convolutional.

Is it genes, though?

We don't know.

He may have.

He may be like

inbred or something.

We don't know.

It's likely.

Are we recording?

Yeah.

We don't know.

Like, we don't know his real health.

Do you know your we can't even talk to him?

He's not on mic.

He's

monitoring our

tech so we don't have any more tech issues.

That's all had some tech.

Part of the new office coach's duties is now team, even if he's on the episode, he must monitor all

sound.

Is that too much?

We're going to find out.

He already look at his eye.

He's already unsure.

He knows.

A shiny object comes by, and he's listening right away.

He's done, man.

It's just like, what happened?

He's been recording for 15 minutes.

He hears a helicopter.

Hold on, my scanner's going on.

You know, there's no car down there.

Don't make him laugh.

I know.

Max fashions when laughing is not good.

Oh, no.

So So, listeners,

in an effort to make sure Gidham doesn't hurt his back, we're going to try to make this as humorless as possible.

If you have any hate, please direct it towards Giddam.

He's our new sound energy here.

I used to go see a doctor for the first time in years, and now you mock me.

If you're going to talk,

all right.

All right.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Em Steve Dave.

We've started already.

Oh, God.

Just get him hobbling out of the room.

He's got gauzed up elbows.

It looks like there's a horn growing out of his elbow.

Oh, my God.

I didn't see it from the side.

Have you ever seen those dinosaurs from Jurassic Park that had those skulls?

Yeah.

Growing on his elbow.

Or that Ripley's Believe It or Not guy or lady with the horn?

Holy shit.

He's had that before.

But I mean, he's prone to lumps if he's getting busy.

Yeah.

Well, he's

is he's in a he's in a bit of a dry spell i don't know if he's been getting busy unless he's getting busy with with lefty and then yeah then and then cheating on him with right yeah

i never heard that before that's good

yeah share

but yeah he actually went to the doctor recently i was very

i want to say proud but At the end of the day, though,

it's because of his dad.

You know, his dad made him go, probably.

Oh, he he saw that i would make him go too yeah it looked like um you know he has like one of those

i guess those gang like a like a cyst all his joints are inflamed that's that's beyond it literally looks like somebody put a cube on one big cyst

a walking plus

he's a cyst with he's a cyst with legs

it was actually an aunt who was a doctor who i sent a picture to her we actually went to the uh she said she's a great doctor she actually we actually know her and we went to an auto show with her.

If you're going to talk, sit down and talk then.

Okay.

And she.

I just want to tell that part, and then I'm going to go back to my.

My spasm.

Did they give you any medicine?

Any

muscle relaxants?

No, no.

When I told him to go to CVS and buy some back muscle relaxants, immediately scoffed at as if like I'm an idiot.

Like I'm the fool for suggesting this.

If a fucking product that is fucking produced to help your symptoms, and you're like,

that shit don't work.

I don't want to do that.

Why would I do that?

No prescription.

No stomach.

I'm going to have a report shit on my back.

That's how it works.

I have a prescription for antibiotics, but I have not gone for like a muscle relaxants or anything.

So?

Gotcha.

So the over-the-counter stuff is worth a try, at least.

I'm taking ibuprofen and such already.

So, yeah.

But maybe maybe this would be the

key to unlocking fucking a pain-free couple hours, though.

It's not worth it, though.

No.

I want to walk around hobbled and fucking grimacing.

He should be demoted to coaching.

This motherfucker needs a cross.

Like, he just needs a cross.

It's the only thing missing from the fucking ensembles, but I see daily is a fucking big fucking

150-pound crucifix that he fucking carries around from fucking his the office coach's desk to the table over here.

You hired him.

He seems to be in genuine pain, which makes funnier.

Like your relentlessness.

It's frustrating.

He reminds me of the guy on the cover of Ed Zeppelin 4 that's got the fucking

stairway to heaven for you.

Oh, Sunday, Jeff, you're here today.

Yes.

We'll be talking to Q in a little bit.

He's busy.

He's a busy guy.

A B, he is.

You all better?

I think he's feeling better from the COVID.

Yeah, he's got other stuff going on.

I was texting him.

He was very busy with two cats and four kittens that he's running back and forth to the vet.

Now, you know,

I

see Q, and I think of all of TSD town residents.

In my eyes, Q is the one who is leading, without a doubt, the most interesting, full

life.

Oh, yeah.

But then you're telling me shit like that, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

Like, like, I mean, like,

I mean, that sounds like something like, like, you know,

that weird aunt that, you know, you don't want to visit her house when you're a kid is up to with all the cat stuff.

Right.

Yeah.

It's going to smell weird and shit.

Let me, uh, let me, let me see.

Let me see if this guy's ready.

We can, we can get it from him.

He's got more cats?

You bought more cats?

I think their cats adopted him.

Yeah, they're stray cats and

come to his house now.

Yeah.

Sleepwalkers?

But I wondered, like, do they keep the squirrels away?

Oh, well, I mean, he's got to get

Dr.

Doolittle.

Dr.

Q Little.

Or more violent Dr.

Moreau over here.

Yeah.

All right.

So I sent out a text to Q.

Hopefully we'll hear from him in a couple minutes.

He can defend himself.

I know it's not good for the environment,

but there's something about this Canadian wildfire smoke that it makes it makes it look so cool outside.

It gives it this like auburn,

like this auburn hue.

It almost looks like a horror movie.

Like when you step out of your house.

It looks like the end of days.

It does.

It looks like the apocalypse.

It's just not.

Yeah.

I don't like it.

I don't dig it at all.

Yeah.

And I've heard that it's unhealthy for you, you, too.

I would have agreed with it.

I don't want to agree in this too much.

Well, how come, though?

Isn't it just burning the natural things that are on the carcinogens?

I mean, you still breathe in and burn anything that's burnt like that's not really good for you.

Is there anything that can be burned that's healthy for you to breathe in?

I don't think any kind of nothing.

There's nothing in the car.

Anything should really be burns about Giddam's injuries.

Keeps people laughing.

That's crazy out there.

What about incense?

Sometimes that's too strong.

I don't like the incense.

You ever go to what's that place?

East versus West versus West.

You'd walk in there.

I look like you with

my shirt over my nose.

It's so powerful.

I believe that Mattress Firm and East Meets West are money laundering businesses.

You've mentioned this before about it.

Because there's no fucking way on the planet you need

the mattress firm.

You don't need one every five miles.

And when is the last time someone purchased something in East Meets West?

They have been in the mall.

They have now the most tenured store in a lot of malls.

Been there since the 70s.

And they sell nothing but shit no one wants.

And rent's not cheap in a mall.

And it's always by entrance.

You know, you got those weird hoodies that look like they're made out of burlap.

Yeah, a lot of drink rugs.

Yeah.

And a lot of like Far East, Chinese, Asian-inspired

statues.

Yeah.

Not real gold, though.

A lot of faux gold.

Faux gold.

Yeah, I don't get it.

And I'm like you.

I don't like incense either.

Yeah,

It's too much.

No, how come?

What's it?

I don't know.

Even like Go to Lee's

Bath and Body Works or whatever, it sits just like Bath and Body Works.

I like some of the scents.

I like the scents I like are like the

what do they call like the eucalyptus.

They're like aromatherapy, like you know, just ones that just like you're supposed to like lavender, just like normal scents, not like the stuff that's just like, you know, like Beach Haven.

You know where I went, speaking of bad odors, I went to AC a couple weeks ago and I walked the boardwalk and it is fucked up how you like you can't escape the aroma of marijuana.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's everywhere now.

And I'm like, how the fuck do people smoke this?

It smells like shit.

Let me tell you why.

It smells like shit, and it's overpowering on the boardwalk, and nobody is doing anything about it.

And this has got to be her.

Are you ozone and all the wildfires?

It's worse than the Canadian wildfires, all these weed smokers.

Right?

It has to be doing something detrimental to the ecosystem, all this pot introduced to our shoreline.

I don't know if I think the wildfires are worse than the pot.

The wildfires, all the plastics dumped in the ocean.

Yeah, I don't think now that pot's passed, nobody gives you a pot.

If you smoked it all the time,

it wouldn't bother you.

You were not like, we don't smoke at all like that.

So it was just, it just, it bothers you.

It's just weird.

It's got a very, you cannot mistake it.

You started harumping all the way down the fucking borderline.

You started looking like him?

I was like,

I was just like, you know,

chronic flash.

I was trying to put, trying to give give a healthy hint that i was like can you go somewhere else and smoke that like why are you right up my ass smoking these joints to tell you the truth i i don't think that it's legal to just walk around and smoke a joint i'm not positive like that i don't know what the legality seems to be worried i've seen people driving with it and i you i don't think you're supposed to drive yeah i've seen people drive you can't drive with that i've seen people in the car drive yeah you're not supposed to drive with a cell phone to your ear either and people do it but you know it's like you know i don't know i mean i don't know what the, like, isn't that the problem, though?

There's been, like, no stipulations.

There's been no like things to actually show that if you're high or not, right?

Isn't there like a.

I think there's no regulated and standardized tests to check if you're

too high.

Yeah, like your BAC.

Oh, okay.

So there's no way to determine.

Yeah, that's one of the problems.

I mean, still, if you drive

high, you're still fucked up.

You still couldn't, you know.

Exactly.

Your reflexes aren't as sharp.

You're not as quick as you would be if you were not high.

I would have to assume.

I know there's people out there

who will say the difference.

I was just about to launch into that.

I'm fucking way better at what I do.

Well, I mean,

I'm a better driver when I'm drunk.

I'm more careful.

It affects people differently.

Like, you can be a mean drunk.

You could be a happy drunk.

You could be, you know, a mellow drunk.

I mean, the same thing.

I don't know if marijuana does the same thing to people.

And I know you now, I know

you've

had your,

you've dabbled in the alcohol when you have you've been drunk.

I've never been drunk.

No, you get out of here.

At Walt's pool party, we almost staged an intervention.

Having two Mike's hard lemonades is going to fucking throw me off the top.

It's like, get him down from there.

Oh, he's not drunk.

You've never been.

So you've drank alcohol.

So how come?

No, I drank.

There's never

been drinking.

No, just because you drink, that doesn't mean you have to get drunk.

If I go out to dinner or something, I have maybe a beer or something with a meal.

That's it.

Are you sitting here and telling me you've never actually been drunk?

I've never been drunk.

I've been in high school?

Never.

No.

I never liked the taste of beer in high school.

Is it possible that Sunday Jeff is a bigger square than you?

I did not think.

I have

done.

I think it's true, and it makes him the fucking sexiest man alive.

You should be on the People Magazine cover from now until Infinity.

Maybe because I had my thumb when I was born on New Year's Eve.

Maybe that's why I was loaded then.

Who knows?

Because I wanted to find out: are you a mean drunk?

Are you a happy drunk?

I would have to think you'd be a mean drunk.

Yeah.

Because it would just be the

like you get.

It just can't be.

Let me interrupt, guys.

Let me interrupt you.

You got to put your headphones on.

Oh, oh.

Yeah, I got to put your headphones on.

BQ, you there?

Hey, you hear me?

I hear you, baby.

Well, hold on.

I can hear him through the board.

You can hear him?

Yeah, I don't think he.

Yeah, I know again won't be able to hear him, but.

No.

Okay.

Yeah, we're good.

We're looking good.

All right.

Sorry if the audio is.

I'm driving up the west side of Manhattan now.

So if my audio is a little bad, I apologize.

It's not too bad.

Are you on kitten patrol?

That's what people are wondering.

Looking for kittens.

Well, it's interesting that you bring up the kittens because

you're talking about my yard kittens.

Your yard cats.

Yep.

Okay.

So there's

another two days ago, another mother with two new kittens, about three weeks old, emerged from the same area.

So now I have a total of four kittens that and

he went out.

Oh, shit.

Manhattan's covered in smoke.

You guys are dealing with what we're dealing with.

Yeah, definitely.

Like,

it is crazy.

I mean, I have been in brush fires and

forest fire type stuff.

And this is, I feel like I'm back in it.

This is nuts how fucking yellow and smoky it is here.

It's kind of crazy.

So I'm worried about

back on Staten Island, I'm worried about those kittens' lungs.

I'm like, shit, man.

Like, is this bad for young?

I'm a little worried.

That's what I'm a little worried about right now.

Well, Walt was just saying that

in addition to the Canadian wildfires, a big problem with pollution is people smoking weed now.

So do you think that these weed fumes could affect your kittens and how?

Well, look, I mean, you got to enjoy life.

Not everything could be a health thing.

So, you know, if the kittens get a little high, what are you going to do?

What are you going to do?

I've seen my cat high.

He doesn't seem to be upset.

He seems all right.

I'll tell you what happened to me today.

Something very nice just happened to me.

I was walking down

Canal Street in Manhattan, and they're shooting the new Ghostbusters, and I got to see the Ector One.

Whoa.

I'm so tuned.

I'm like, so fucking excited.

Like, it was right there.

It was like amazing.

It was like seeing an old friend.

It's interesting you should bring this up right now because Walt was just saying that out of any Tesde town resident, you lead likely

the most fulfilling

hold on your break

uh-oh

oh no

let me know when you're back hello yeah it's only new york city it shouldn't have great reception

i got you now okay

all right what's the question so wal was saying uh that out of every tesdie town resident you likely lead the most fulfilling uh exciting lifestyle of anyone in in the town

okay I could see the argument for it.

I think if you drill down, you know, you might find the boredom underneath, but I understand what you're saying.

So, so, yeah.

So, on the surface, yeah, you seem like one of these Instagram, Facebook people that, like, oh my God, look at this life they're leading.

He's in Rio.

Yeah.

Holy shit, now he's in fucking, you know,

he's in Mexico.

He's in France.

Most interesting man in America.

Like, it's only three hours apart.

How is he doing this?

All right.

Okay.

But then to contrast that with you chasing kittens around your yard all day, how is this possible that you have time for all this stuff?

Well, that's because the truth is, is it's 90% kitten chasing

and like 10% France.

But people, people only see the France stuff.

They don't, you know, and that's very rare.

Yeah.

You know,

it's all about the kittens for me.

And like the two, the two new ones are like...

They're totally gray.

They're both gray.

So they're what happens is there's a cat that lives in my yard named Fabio, and he is fucking everything

that moves.

All these kittens are his kittens.

Oh, really?

I think I'm going to have to catch Fabio and get him fixed because it's getting unsustainable, really.

He's the view of cats this fucking

Fabio.

He's not smart enough to wrap it up.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

It's all kittens now.

Yeah.

And Ecto One, man.

Like, I took a picture of it.

I'll send it to you.

It's awesome.

Does it look different than the original?

Does it look exactly the same?

Oh, it is the same.

It's the same.

Oh, cool.

It's the same exact car.

It's got a new paint.

I don't think this is going to

spoilers, you know, but at the end of Afterlife, Winston took the car, and in this one, it's restored, apparently, and it's got racing stripes.

Sweet, dude.

Wow.

I'm excited.

Could you have swung the, hey, do you think I could take it around the block?

Considering that a PA asked me to fucking move it along.

No.

You could have dropped us like, hey, I got a plane to catch to France in about 10 minutes.

You think I could catch a ride with Ecto One and drop me off?

He's got a kitten under each arm.

You know,

usually

you walk through and you hope nobody recognizes you, right?

This is the one time, like, I took the hat off, the sunglasses off.

I was like, does anybody fucking your old pal be cute?

Anybody want to fucking let me stand next to me?

I don't want to take a picture.

And, like, literally, like a 19-year-old girl was like, sir, could you keep moving, please?

I didn't get any of that.

I got none of that today.

But it's Ghostbusters.

I was like, it's Ghostbusters in me.

Q,

I'll tell you this much, Q.

If you are

your cats, do they jump on the bed with you and hang out?

Yeah, they are full rope.

I imagine so.

If you enjoy that, don't get a puppy.

I haven't seen my cats in three weeks, practically.

The braver one, Salem.

He'll come up on the bed still, and he has sort of like started to assert dominance over Norm, the puppy that we got.

But Princess Mitch is still afraid because the puppy wants to play with her, and she doesn't realize that.

She thinks it wants to attack her.

But yeah, puppies are good.

But then the fucking puppy won't leave the goddamn bed.

Yeah, well, you can't introduce

a dog into

a house where cats are not expected to rule the roost.

They were there first.

Yeah, that's true.

I don't know.

They were there first, but that's the chain of like that's the dogs chase cats.

That's the way it's always been.

That's the way it's always been.

It always will be.

I don't have cats changed some dogs.

They're inferior to dogs.

Oh, my God.

Are you here this channel?

I'm I'm so glad he's not here.

I meant, you know, like hunting-wise.

I thought, I just drove off the road.

And the hierarchy of the animal kingdom.

You know, I think that dogs are going to be...

If there's a fucking steel cage match between a dog and a cat, most times the dogs are coming out of that cat.

Now, are you talking domestic?

Yeah, or are you talking tiger and lion?

Yeah, because you ever see Diggstown where they call it a boxer from the next town and he's like fucking huge?

That boxing movie years ago or he brings in a ringer like the cats would cook call in like a puma

and a labritoodle up it and the cats would be like all right he is a fucking jaguar let's see how this goes all right i'm talking about a i'm talking about a

domesticated cat and a domesticated dog okay i believe generally speaking the dog the dog will come out on top but i think you're underestimating cats i think a lot of cats will take it i'm i'm afraid of cats more than i'm afraid of dogs like if like if a cat's running up to me or a dog's running up to me I'm probably going to be like, what the fuck is with this cat?

Dogs, you kind of expect it and you're like, I got to run.

But a cat, I'd be like, is this thing rabid?

What the fuck?

Why is it going after me?

I don't feel a threat from any cat.

I'll fucking

listen to this shit, Q.

I'll take down a cat, bro.

Get out of here, man.

There's no way cat's taking me down.

Let me ask you something.

Is Freddy Krueger not one of the best R villains of all time?

If you want to count these newfangled 80s slasher monsters, yes, I do.

I do.

Frankenstein.

So cats have basically

Freddy Krueger claws on all of their feet, and they use them.

I will get smashed.

You'll get like slashed to shit with a cat.

They could probably blind you.

He's got to get up to my facial area, though.

He's a lot quicker than you.

He'll scale you like a fish.

Cats are a lot snimbling.

You?

Come on now.

There's no way a cat's getting in my face.

He might take out my ankles and my knees with a chicken.

Do you ever see a cat jump?

You're not a cat person.

You don't have a cat.

So you don't know how fast those motherfuckers get jumped.

And then I'll fucking unleash hell and I'll take Cooper off.

Cooper's got the shade!

He's got my foot in his boots.

I cannot imagine watching Cooper go up against an angry cat.

I would feel so bad for him.

Cooper, we slice the ribbons.

Cooper starts looking at cat and starts purring at her friends.

Why don't we ask Chat GPT who win in a fight, a cat or a dog?

Yeah, okay.

Can you do that, Kenny?

Can you do that, Kennedy?

Ask Chat GPT who would win in a fight, a cat or a dog.

All right, he's on it, Q.

Yeah.

We'll finally get the answer to this.

So how's your health with all the COVID?

Good.

The COVID was pretty much cleared up last week.

I still got like a lingering cough, cough, which all the smoke isn't helping.

But

yeah, man, it was the fourth time I had COVID, and it was,

all right, so that first time I had, I was sick for six weeks, remember?

And that was bad because that just never ended.

But in terms of like pure, hellishly sick, this was it, man.

This, whatever strain this is,

like, you can't even, when I say you can't even move, I mean for 24 hours, like moving my arm was almost too much effort.

It was nuts, man.

How long did it last?

It was two intense days, and then it was just, it was tabored.

The problem was,

I wasn't testing negative.

I just tested positive a couple of days after I felt okay.

So I was just playing it safe here and there.

But it was brutal, man.

But I'm glad it's over.

I'm going to be in Savannah this weekend for a bachelorette party.

So I'm glad that I got COVID out of the way.

So

you'll be

willing will you curtail any of your activities down there?

You know, like no kissing, right?

Well, I'm testing negative, Walt.

So what's the point of that?

I'm going to go full fat, you know.

Walt's main concern.

Okay, Walt, you said he is the fullest life of any resident.

Now,

would you consider that to be a full life if you were doing all this shit that Q's doing?

You're off to France, you're saving kittens.

Now you're in Georgia at a bachelorette party.

I went to France once, five years ago.

Like, where is this coming from?

Because you're staying in the same beautiful

huts that Tom Brady and Giselle stayed in.

Yeah, again, that was 10 years ago.

But yes,

I mean, you're,

if that show, Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous, were still airing, they could devote one solely to you, an entire episode

on Robin Leach.

Here in Staten Island.

I moved out of the house I grew up in three years ago.

What are we talking about?

Oh, my God.

I think we should do a Patreon episode of Lifestyles in the Rich and Famous.

Someday you can do the voice, and we can just like talk to Q.

We can show different pictures of where he's been.

He'll never let us show his house.

So that's out.

Well, you could see the basement of my house.

I took it on dinner party.

Yeah, no problem there.

But yeah, I mean, we shot one thing in

my office once with the fireplace and everything.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's right.

Yeah, but you know, people are crazy.

So you don't really want to give it.

Because really, it's about the layout.

Because the day that somebody breaks in,

if I put too much out there, they're going to know the layout.

My house is very confusing.

You know that.

Yeah, it's like a labyrinth.

Yeah, it's like really a confusing house.

Huge madhouse.

MC Usher.

MC Usher?

Sunday, Jeff.

It's it's not because it's big.

It's because there's so many doors in this house.

Like doors that lead to nowhere.

Almost like the Winchester house.

It's like a Salvador Dolly painting.

He lives in it.

That's it.

I live in it.

Brick wall when you open up the door.

It is, but it's weird shit.

Like, I got a door that opens up to a three-foot hallway.

And at the end of that hallway, Sunday Jeff, is just another door that leads to a closet.

And there's tons of shit like that everywhere.

And so if anybody ever breaks in the house,

even finding me would be rough.

So I don't want to give away too much.

Do you have a safe room?

Not a true safe room with metal walls, but I do have a well-armed area to lock it down.

Like one of those hidden ones where no one could find you, like a hidden room.

Like Kevin's house had one, like a panic room.

A panic room, yeah.

Yeah, no, nothing like that.

I'm just relying on the confusion of the house, which is very confusing.

And I have doors.

Like, this is something.

Like, I have little doors in my doors for the cats.

That you put in.

Yeah.

Wow, you had these

installed.

Yep.

The house is like 100 years old, right?

So these doors are about 100 years old.

So I had

a carpenter come and put little doors at the bottom of the door.

So the cats can come and go in the rooms as they see fit, but I could also close the door and lock them out of the room if I don't want them in there for some reason.

It's a clever design.

But like now, I'm like, well, if there's somebody in my house, house, I just get low, poke that shotgun out.

You know what I mean?

And start taking out some ankles.

Like a cat.

Yeah, exactly.

I thought I was robbing a dog's house.

You're nothing but a cat here.

Yeah.

Oh, I miss you guys, man.

I can't wait to come in next week.

I'm fucking looking forward to this, man.

Yeah, it'll be fun.

Although, Bachelorette Party, it sounds kind of fun, too.

Would you go to it Sunday?

Sure.

Yeah.

Now, Q, what happened?

Is Is there going to be, like, is it going to be baudy this bachelor party, or is it going to be one like, you know, where...

Well, if he's not even allowed to kiss.

Could there be male strippers that you have to like pretend that

you're interested in watching and hooting and hollering?

Oh, that's a good point.

I hadn't thought of that.

Maybe he's the male stripper.

Well, I'm the only dude there.

It's me and like eight women.

And I would absolutely, I've gotten to, I've gotten to

like

a Chippendales type thing a few times before.

I have no problem with that if the girls want to do that.

Most girls just want to go to a fucking regular strip club anyway, but I'll do whatever, man.

I think it'll get a little rowdy.

Yeah.

Yeah, but you don't mind them, the guy like shaking it, shaking his money maker in front of your face and everything.

I don't care.

Bring it on, I say.

I'm COVID-free.

Bring it on.

Bring on the banana hammock, son.

I'm feeling fine.

Yeah.

Look, man, you don't get invites to bachelorete parties by being the guy that's like, I don't want to do that.

You're right, because I've never gotten one ever.

We just heard before you called in, Sunday Jeff just broke the news that he has never been drunk in his entire life.

Wow.

All right.

Why?

He doesn't want any invites to any bachelorette parties.

I can have virgin drinks.

That's an excuse.

Shirley Temples for me.

Yeah, I don't know.

I never like it.

He makes these statements, and then he doesn't really want to explain them.

He looks at you like his eyes dart back and forth every setting.

I've tried.

How am I going to back this up?

When I was young, I mean, I've tried like vodka.

I've tried like whiskey.

It is literally drinking jet fuel.

So it's like,

just right off the bat, it left just like I would never ever

keep keep going.

I would never want to drink it anymore.

It just like it's terrible.

I don't see like why people would just drink this straight.

You know, it's just like without mixing, like

sweet drinks, like the pussy drinks, pina coladas and stuff.

Pussy drinks, you know, daiquiri.

That's the only way I got drunk were on those wine coolers.

Because they're sweet.

That's what you used to drink.

You were a wine cooler guy.

What the wino?

Well, no, I needed a sweet drink in high school.

I couldn't do beer.

Slipping on a bench in Highlands there with the paper on your head?

If I get a drink, it's still the same way.

It's always like a girl.

It needs to be a fruity drink.

I mean, a rum and coke.

I mean, you can get away with that too.

But it's just like beer, I didn't start drinking beer until like just later on.

It's got to be a certain beer.

I only liked mols and ice at one time.

Now I just drink.

No.

The only way I drink now is Samuel Adams.

That's it?

Yeah, Samuel Adams.

I mean, I like the Oktoberfest.

I like their cherry wheat, and I like the traditional.

But I just drink it.

Like, if I'm having a nice dinner or whatever, it's nice to go with the dinner, you know, and that's it.

I don't keep it really in my house.

You know, it's just

like compliments.

Like, if you're drinking wine, I guess if you're.

I can hear him.

Yeah.

He doesn't sound.

Well, he moves away from the mic a lot.

Okay.

He goes back.

I can hear myself fine.

Okay.

Stay close to that mic Sunday.

But yeah, Q, what do you don't you think, though?

I mean, at least once.

Even Walt Flanagan.

He's got to get shit faced just once before he leaves this earth, right?

I mean, it sounds like a Patreon episode's in favor.

I will sit there.

Do you want to sit there?

We'll watch a movie and we'll drink until you feel drunk.

I say, why don't we take him across the street to Fantasy's?

We'll get him some beers.

We'll get him a bunch of Bud Lights.

We'll toss them down.

And then we'll head back to

podcast.

That's not a bad idea.

You go for that Sunday?

I'd rather just drink here.

This way, there's

less of an issue.

I'll be Giddam's roommate for the night.

I've been known to be a sex pest after one drink.

I never know what happened.

I got you some idea.

I could see how tits would ruin the drinking experience.

Really?

I find that to be

a big conundrum.

That's why I have to wrap my head around that.

No strip clock, just booze.

But why don't we skip the booze and just go to the strip clock?

Boy, sir.

All right, Q.

We'll let you go.

You know, you're busy doing shit, and we look forward to seeing you next week.

Everybody misses you.

Oh, I can't wait to be back, dude.

I really miss it.

I did Sal and DeRose's podcast.

They did like a pay-per-view type thing.

Oh, yeah, the live stream Taste Buds.

Yeah, they made a ton of money on it.

They didn't reimburse me.

They didn't even reimburse me for parking, but they made a ton of money on it.

So that's good.

That is the way with all these podcasters.

I've gone and done other people's podcasts, radio shows, never reimbursed for parking or anything.

None of that shit.

Yeah, like they're going over the numbers of how many people watch, and I'm doing some math in my head, and I'm like, I still laid out 60 bucks for parking.

A little something for the effort.

I mean, anything, man.

Pitch you an Ector one.

Maybe when you come in next week, we'll start a campaign to shame those two.

Yeah, we'll shame those two.

But I had a, but uh, but I did their podcast, and I honestly, like, I felt like I was cheating.

I was like, I don't, I don't want to get back to my own.

Yeah, it's those, those guys are fun, though, and that's a fun pod.

Taste buds.

Love them.

All right, homie.

Yeah, all right, boys.

You know, I'll see you guys next week.

And hello to everybody, all the ants.

I miss you guys, too.

Listen, I've been touring a lot these past couple of weeks, and it has been so many ants, man.

And I can't tell you how much I love looking in the crowd and people giving the ants salute.

And like at the end, when I'm signing on the side of the stage and stuff, like ants are always getting the...

It was it always getting the most attention, man.

So thank you guys so much.

And I look forward to being back.

See you guys next week.

All right.

Bonjourno, Q, and don't have too much fun at that Bachelorette party.

You know what?

I'll do.

I'll record, I'll record something.

I'll record something from the Bachelorette party.

Oh, awesome.

Bring it in.

I'll do like an audio diary.

Oh, that'd be fun.

Yeah, then we can go over it.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Talk to you soon, buddy.

All right, boys.

Talk to you later.

See you later.

Thank you.

There's Q.

God, I miss Q.

We're going to keep talking ant-style stuff, we're going to talk Tiger Logistics Sunday, Jeff.

This is a new one.

T-Y-G-E-R Logistics is an independent ant-owned freight brokerage that offers freight forwarding and dispatching services across the United States and Canada.

So if you need any freight dispatching or brokering or forwarding or any of that shit, you're going to want to go to Tiger.

They know that freight happens.

So they always strive to be quick and efficient and keep freight fun.

And that's one thing I have noticed.

FedEx, UPS, DHL, they drop it off.

There's no fun.

There's no fun involved.

No, I mean, we've been sold a lie by King of Queens that all delivery guys are happy-go-lucky and fun-loving dudes.

And

I've yet to meet a Doug Heffernan in real life.

Absolutely.

Most of them just leave your shit in the rain.

You don't even have to sign for it.

But, you know, Sunday, speaking of this, I've said this before when we did this ad, though, I've always envisioned myself working at a a freight company i always felt like i could be an asset to any freight company i like the idea of like loading a truck and unloading a truck he's he's like capone in aliens i used to i did that at car yeah i did that at sears um when i was much younger like 21 22.

it's not that fucking death it sucks but it's like you know you you're you got your weight belt on and you're fucking you're you're mono a mano with another dude and you're just talking about like fucking gritty shit

unloading heavy heavy shit you got a lot of packages out there you just you know got somebody to yell at get going

doesn't get him unload a lot of shit here that's why he's got back spasms

elbows no giddam's back issues are not are not caused by me or or the things i have him do i mean again i think it's all genetics and and and bad just a bad lifestyle and and possibly you know

health issues that he's not even aware of that undiagnosed health issues hereditary issues that he may be having and and dealing with.

And he's definitely old enough now that he should see a doctor for a checkup.

Like you're in your 20s, even in your early 20s.

I'm just as guilty.

I'm just as guilty.

I would be a big.

You turned you around, though, the COVID thing?

I would be the biggest

hypocrite on the planet, though, if I tried to shame him for not going for a checkup.

I can't do that.

But you don't, you did, I mean, yes, you should have went and gotten a checkup, but you didn't have all these fucking health issues.

No, that was the first thing I had a ton of shit in the middle of the year.

Yeah,

that thing was, that came out of nowhere.

It's the first major medical issue I've ever had in my life.

And,

you know, but, you know, put me on the right path.

I have an appointment for, like,

I'm getting the

old

finger in the buttocks treatment, I think, soon.

I think in July, I think it happens.

Dude, when I go to my urologist, I back into the office.

That's how much I expect it to happen.

It happens every time.

It's just a hole in his door.

I'm chatting.

Don't put your mouth there.

I'm chatting.

I have never had it happen.

So like I'm fresh fish.

What?

It's hardly

a prostate exam?

I've never had it before, but I'm getting it in July, though.

A lot of stuff they test through your blood now, too.

I mean, a lot of stuff is done.

They test your PSAs through your blood test.

Let's pick up on that real fast after I finish this.

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I think what I'm longing for is the like, I want to be able to wear like one of those

uniforms that like that those guys wear.

Like it's the button-up gray shirt with my name embroidered on over the pocket, like the nice,

I guess they're like khaki pants.

You know, and I have to wear like work boots.

Steel-toed.

Steel-toed, yeah, steel-toed work boots.

I want to leave the house when you hear me leaving with those steel tips on rather than like daintily going to podcasts.

Tiptoeing outdoor podcasts.

At 12 o'clock in the afternoon, tiptoeing out the door.

comment.

Yabba-dabba-doo.

Like, you just describe what sounds like hell to me, Walt.

I just want to get that,

you know, that feeling of like the machismo.

That's what you should do.

Do something like that, undercover boss.

Like, him put his

rather go to work at 12 o'clock.

Or you just do undercover boss here, so Walt comes in in a disguise.

It's like, yeah, I'm the new guy to try to trick hit him.

Mustache fools off.

How about that boss?

He's a jerk, huh?

He's got so much to say.

Oh, and that laugh.

Why doesn't he try getting a real job like a new business guy?

Trying to go get him into saying something bad.

Do you work with that asshole?

He gets frustrated just because.

So today's episode is audio only, just so everyone knows.

Last week we did a video episode on YouTube.

It's at TESD Town.

If you want to check it out, we had nasty Nellie Olson from Little House on the Prairie on.

And

the only thing I have to apologize that Mary Beth really dominated the conversation.

She wouldn't shut the fuck up.

I have to ask is, she knew that she was going to sit in on it.

How come she didn't have like 10 questions at the ready?

That's a good question.

Of the 10 questions that she might have had, that is a better question.

Because on the the way home, I was like, what the fuck?

And she was like, I blanked.

I got nervous.

And I was like, well, why didn't you write stuff down?

She's like, I know I should have.

I thought I would remember.

I was like,

I mean, she was apologetic.

She's like, but she really froze up.

And then as you pointed out, you're like, she started getting like teary because she was so excited to meet Nelly.

And

she gets teary at a lot of shit.

But like, like last night we went to Sage's dance recital.

So Sage is out there fucking hoofing it.

And

she starts tearing up at that.

That's appropriate.

Understandable.

Appropriate, yeah.

But seeing Nelly, to me, I was like, holy shit, this is so cool.

I can't believe I'm talking to Nellie Olson.

I rarely, rarely have that feeling.

Not enough to fucking lock up and start crying and all that other shit.

Do you question then maybe emotionally?

Maybe.

Oh, I don't question it.

It's never been a question.

Do you mean, do I accept it?

Yes, obviously I do.

I was also thinking about,

I may, if by the time you hear this, you can check it out, go to Instagram.

I'm going to start a new account called Mary Beth's Shame.

And what it is, is my wife has a tendency, so cute, Sunday Jeff, to get something out of a package like food or Amazon thing.

I don't care what the fuck it is.

and leave the packaging on the counter or leave the packaging out.

She won't, like a Pop-Tart.

She won't throw the fucking wrapper away.

Ice cream, the lid, and the lid is sitting on on the counter.

She just won't fucking throw it out, and I don't understand why.

So I'm hoping to shame her into doing it so people see how she lives.

What do you think, Sunday?

A good idea?

I don't think you should try to shame your wife.

Yeah.

That's not a problem.

Especially social media using that.

That's usually the only good way to go, right?

I think you're on the road to fucking

ruin if you think that's the proper way to go.

It is a good question, though.

It's like, why?

Why don't you do this?

Dude, it's all the time.

If you did it 80% of the time, like threw the stuff out, and then like the 20% that you would forget, say stuff like that, but you at least have done it most of the times.

But every single time, it's just weird.

I wonder why.

It is a strange tick.

I'm the guy that does that, too.

My wife is on me the same way you guys are fucking.

That's why you don't want to be a shamer.

Wolf Lane again.

Why don't you think that?

You don't think about it.

You're just caught up in the moment and you're like, oh, you just don't think.

It's not like, oh, I'm leaving it there because ask somebody else to get it.

That's never my mindset.

It's just like, i just

we're dealing with

we're dealing with deep thinkers here sunday yeah i'm so lost in thought they're like let somebody else dude i have so much to think about during the course of my day so many so much

so many fires to put out or start so many hobbled employees to

nurse back to health they're like so if i leave a pop-tart wrapper on on the counter i mean i'm hoping that it could be overlooked sure if you left a pop-tart counter a wrapper on the counter, but it's that.

Then it's this.

Then it's this.

Now, you've known me since fifth grade.

I'm a half-assed motherfucker.

She's quarter-assed.

If I'm half-assed.

Yeah.

I think.

Okay, I'll say quarter and she's an ape.

That'll make it happier.

It would.

Okay.

Gone.

Gone.

But Sunday, you seem like you're the guy that you like to keep the house.

Like regimented.

Are you Felix felix under level um well you know what i've had to you know with my daughter living with me i mean

you can't expect everybody to be at your expectations so a lot of times you see what i mean he moves off the mic a lot that's why yeah um

so what i would do is not clean up after them but i would just like it's never going to be up to my like to my standard so rather than repeat yourself over and over again sometimes if you see the rapper there i just throw it away and and not confront anybody it's just because what you're doing is all you're doing is you're creating friction.

You're going to create friction by doing it.

It's just like, and eventually maybe they pick up on it.

And then, you know, I just like, I just threw that rapper out there.

I just want to let you know, you know, it just, it's just, this way, you, you calm down.

Like, you just like this pisses me off.

It drives me nuts over and over again.

I tell you not to do it, but this way, if you just take it, it's there, throwing the garbage, then you don't have to worry about it.

Because, look, there's plenty of shit that I let go by the wayside.

Plenty.

And so, like, yeah, so, like, I don't like sometimes I'm like, why couldn't you just let that little, like, little petty shit just go?

It's not worth it.

It's not worth it.

At the end of the day, it's not worth

any of the aggravation or the confrontation or the

sarcastic or

resentful, you know, feelings that are going to happen afterwards.

It's just not worth it, man.

I agree.

Happy-go-lucky.

So your advice, rather than starting up a campaign, is to just keep throwing throwing this shit away like I have been.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's like how many times you throw these.

How many times does she get packages during the day?

Oh, dude, you don't want to know.

Amazon.

Holy shift.

Jeff Bezos net worth increased thanks to us.

That's a lot of packages though.

I don't know.

Looks like you got stuff there, Willie.

I can put a new game.

Oh, okay.

I call it Jeffery,

although it has nothing to do with

the game Jeopardy.

But I think I'm going to call any game that I come up with that you're playing, Jeff.

I'm going to call it Jeff Jeffery.

Okay.

You like that?

That sounds good.

It's clever, right?

Jeffery?

Limits the number of names you've got to come up with.

Titles.

This is Jeffery.

So it's just a couple of scenarios I present to you, and then you choose one of the three answers, and then me and Bri will tell you why you're wrong.

So

this is basically like leaving rappers on the loop already.

You want to play?

I guess I have to.

Okay.

So you got to basing your decision.

This is question one of Jefferty.

Basing your decision on if the band would still have achieved the same or is close to the same level of success with you as a member, which of these bands would you rather have been a member of?

Option one, the Bee Gees.

Remember them?

Yes.

Maurice, Barry, Barry, and Sean?

Robin Holly.

Robin.

Robin.

Yes.

Andy is the Andy was a brother of the girl.

He was the solo guy.

Yeah, right.

The village people.

You can wear your hard hat.

Well,

they already have a construction worker.

So if you're going to choose the village people, you're going to have to choose some sort of like

costume.

You could be a mechanic, though.

You could have a big wrench

seductively in your front pocket.

A big wrench?

Yeah.

And he's got like the, what's it called, the coverall type song.

Oh, like rolling under with that crawler.

With no shirt on.

Yeah, he looks like you're looking at your bed.

You can get a button real far so you can see his chest hair.

because you do know i don't know if you i don't know if you realize but the village people were

they weren't a heterosexual band yes i do know that all right and abba so you those are your three choices you have to join one of those bands in the 70s

and still feel that your

inclusion would not have deterred this band from reaching the heights that they did reach.

Which of those three would give you the best shot of that band still reaching the heights

out of those three bands i would say the village people

i thought we were supposed to say he's wrong

i would be right i didn't think he would take the wrong

if you're talking about like there's so many people in the village people that you wouldn't really know i did right

it's like you would know it's just like who's this guy it's like

other than the main the main guy singing do you really know and the indian do you really remember anybody in the village people you could be like wasn't there a guy with with a wrench?

So, there, that's why I picked the wheel.

You can't say I'm wrong.

If I sang for the Bee Gees, it would be a different story.

Sang for ABBA would be the fifth story.

Abba, you'd be the fifth wheel.

Uh, yeah, but there's two very couple tampering.

I'm just the tambourine guy.

What's your deal?

Do you got any falsetto for the Bee Gees that you could give us?

No, you're doing great voices.

You got a great knack of doing the voices.

Can you get a Barry Gibb going?

Let me say, Barry Gibb.

Well, you can't tell from the way I use it.

That's not bad.

That's pretty good.

If he could rein that in, harness it a little, it's not that bad.

But that's Barry's part.

Is it the main, that's the main guy?

He sings most of the songs.

Yeah, I don't know.

I still think village people, I still think you would have fit it right in.

Nobody would have ever noticed, and they still would have achieved all of this.

Because they could have treated him like Linda McCartney, where they turned down his mic or whatever, but he's still in the band.

Linda McCartney, they did that to her?

Yeah.

What, in Wings?

In Wings, yeah.

She would sing and play keyboard, I believe, right?

I think Gidham told you that.

No, no, no.

I heard that a long time ago.

I heard that before I met Gidham.

That they would turn down

her audio because she was not a good singer.

Really?

I don't even think she was a good keyboardist.

I don't think so either.

I don't know why that

was.

I made the same mistake that Paul McCartney made.

I let Mary Beth come in.

She nearly fucked us up.

Well, you know what?

Better to be Linda McCartney.

They're going to call her anything.

Linda McCartney is better than Yoko, though.

Better than Yoko, and better than the next one.

What was the lady's name?

The one

with the lady?

The one foot who tried to, who like abused it, Paul?

Yeah, she went physically, right?

Didn't she beat him?

Yeah.

Imagine beating a Beatle.

Who the fuck does that?

Who do you think you are?

What was her name again?

Let me look this up while you're talking.

All right, you want to go to the next question?

You're off to a flying start.

Say that.

Because I had

my answer, the only answer was village people.

What's the daily double?

The next question on Jeffery.

If you had to pick one war to fight in and survive, which one would you think would be the most likely to achieve that?

WW1,

WW2,

or NOM?

Damn, Sunday.

Can you imagine Sunday in the jungle?

Joint in his mouth.

Now you got Nom.

Gears around his neck.

You got a way better soundtrack in Nom.

You're going over there, you're listening to fucking Stones, Hendrix,

the Dorsey,

World War II, you're listening to the Tommy Dorsey.

You're listening to those sisters.

What are those?

The McGuire sisters.

No, what are those sisters?

I was singing in Abdu Costello.

Hey, the Chattanooga.

And then your head gets fucking blown off by a fucking ratsy.

Do some Googling, get them.

Find out who's saying it.

Andrew Sisters.

Andrew Sisters.

I'm the fucking.

I'm better than Google, bitch.

You're better and get them.

Better than Google on 1940s fucking pop culture.

Get get him just a bugle boy get him to throw out his elbow trying to google that that was me kissing that lady after the right end the war all right but which which of those wars would you do you would you have you have to pick one to go serve in and you're trying to get home

which was the one you choose to fight in

well during world war ii oh but you're fighting for the fucking usa yeah

I don't remember much of the world.

I'm going to say.

You don't remember much?

I'm just trying to think it's hazy.

It's hazy.

Maybe it was Vietnam.

I'm going to say World War II.

Really?

Wrong answer.

Definitely the wrong answer.

I figured World War I was the one that I think you could have just blended in.

You know, they're not using high-tech

weapons.

You said World War II?

Okay.

So about in World War I, about 8.5 million soldiers died.

In World War II,

let's see, World War II casualties.

That's not just U.S., that's overall, though.

How many U.S.

troops died?

Because I'd be fucking the U.S.

Yeah, I don't know.

The Allies.

The Allies.

Yeah, it's too much.

I mean, in World War II, you throw in 6 million Jews.

You could go to France, though,

and then you're like, maybe you're one up in Q.

Yeah, you can sit there and cry when they march in.

All right, but I think it's World War I, I think, was the answer that I think you're most likely going to survive.

You don't have to, you know,

it's not a lot of like, you know, big bombs.

It's a lot of cannons and swords.

Cannons?

There wasn't anything in me.

Yeah, cavalry and shit.

You could avoid a cannonball way easier than the fucking mustard gas.

Pirate ships among those regular bombs.

They didn't have fucking planes.

They had guns.

They had regular guns.

They weren't shooting cannonballs and muskets.

Oh, I still think, Brian, back me up here.

What would you rather fight in?

Nam, World War II, or one?

I mean, honestly, I would go for Vietnam.

Really?

Yeah, I know it seems really shitty.

Yeah, but just like any war.

But you come back, everybody's spitting on you.

Oh, that's true.

Unless you were for a cart.

I didn't think of that.

Yeah, because at least in the war, he came back as a hero, which was bullshit that the fucking Nam guys fucking got spit on.

Yeah, I agree with you.

Brewster spit on me in my hometown.

Yeah, but you go to Nom.

You know,

you're in the jungles, malaria.

That's true.

Everything's wet and sweaty and humid.

I was just,

honestly, all I was thinking about was the music and smoking a joint walking along.

Sounds like a good war to me.

I would let my team down.

Yeah, I think it's World War I.

Get him.

You concur?

You shake your head if you think so.

Yeah, he shook his head.

Yes.

He's out of commission.

So that wasn't a spasm?

But over World War II, yes, I would agree with you.

It had probably the best chance, but also the best chances of being

irreversibly disfigured or injured.

In World War I?

In World War I.

How come?

Well, because by the time you hit NAM, it's like they have better medications, they have better field prep, like all that stuff.

You're probably more likely to.

I still maintain, though,

the odds of getting hit with a fucking cannonball are fucking pretty slim.

Getting with that cannonball.

I agree.

It's like you're not fighting Jack Sparrow.

The cannonballs would be rough.

All right.

Question two of Jeffery.

This is question three.

Three.

There you go.

Would you rather have been a passenger on

A, the Titanic, B, the Hindenburg, or C, Apollo 13?

Here comes Jewish Sunday Jeff Inn off the fucking Hindenburg with a giant swastika on his head.

Oh, get out of there.

Piloting.

It's too late.

Do you manage it?

Well, you're trying to like take the trip

and survive.

So, wait, it's Titanic Hindenburg, and what was the last one?

Apollo 13.

Apollo 13.

Okay.

These are all three ill-fated

voyages.

So, there's a.

Well, but people survived all of them, though.

I don't know about the Hindenburg.

No, I don't think that's a good idea.

I think they're not somebody that fell out of the Hindenburg and survived.

I think they're burnt to death.

I think there's survivors of it.

He might have survived for a little bit until the rest of the came on top of him and he burnt to a city.

And if you happen to be a younger listener and have never seen the Hindenburg footage,

definitely YouTube.

It's insane.

It's shocking.

The way that fire just peeled up.

But you want to survive.

Yeah, but you want to survive one of these voyages.

And I'll tell you,

there's only one smart choice.

I would probably pick the Titanic.

The Titanic?

Yes.

How come?

You're not in space.

Right.

So, I mean, at least there's something you could, I mean, jumping in the water.

I mean, I know the water was cold, but at least there was, you had some kind of way of possibly surviving with a raft or whatever debris was left over from the decks or whatever.

Hindenberg,

there was no way.

Did anybody survive that?

Hindenberg, yeah, it said 63 people?

62.

62 people.

So, yeah, I was right.

But you had to be one of the 62.

Yes.

Looking at the Hindenburg or the way that the ship down and went in Titanic, which would you rather be on?

I would rather be on the Titanic.

I think there's more time for you to get off the ship than there was that split second.

And you saw how fast that Hindenburg goes up.

Yeah, but I think this footage is sped up.

It's not sped up.

Yeah, I think it is because it's like, it's like...

There is a guy like running towards the camera.

Everything looks very herky-jerky in that.

It catches fire pretty fast.

Dude, the wrong answer.

Again, it's easily Apollo 13.

Everybody fucking survived.

Oh, well.

But I would have survived, too.

Right?

Now, you would have survived the Apollo 13, and what a story you would have had to tell when you got back.

True, made it, buddy.

You would have met Ron Ron Howard?

He wasn't on Apollo 13.

He made the movie.

He made the movie, though.

But you know, he talked to all the asses.

Yeah.

So that was the big thing.

I'd meet Richie.

Yeah.

I escaped my Titanic, though.

Titanic's rough because you're a guy.

You're

women and children first.

Would you adhere to that?

And when the shit's going down, are you like women and children first?

Or you're like, fuck that, everything.

The guy really in Titanic?

The rich guy?

I never saw the movies.

Oh, yeah, that's what happens.

Winds up getting on the ship.

But again, nobody, I mean, I don't know.

If you're on the Titanic and it's like, you know, there's a couple lifeboats, there's one space left.

There's an old lady hobbling up the fucking deck.

She's a

old lady.

Yeah, she's old.

She's a ways away.

You can definitely jump in her spot and they'll lower it.

See you.

Yeah.

I respect that.

It's like Jerry with the bread.

The old bag.

All right.

So far, you've only gotten one question right, Jeff.

Well, it's more than you probably thought I was going to get right.

Which of these exclusive establishments would you have had

a better shot of getting into

and becoming a regular member of?

Studio 54,

the Playboy Mansion,

or Skull and Bones.

I don't know if you're familiar with Skull and Bones.

This is a, it's known as the Order, Order 322, or the Brotherhood of death it's an undergraduate senior town's place for me it's like a it's a like a

sorority thing that like they say the movers and shakers of the planet have all been a member of it's at a it's out of yale i believe right

yale skull and bones get them do some googling

now i think the bush the bushes have all been members of the skull and bones a secret it's like a secret society thing but it's like a masons type thing but it's it's a it's a real thing stonecutters So could you have gotten into the Skull and Bones?

Could you have made that frat?

Could you have gotten into the Playboy Mansion, you know, with whole blue eyes and Sammy and the rat pack?

And Sandy Law.

All those tatas.

Now, are we going by his current cool quotient?

Is there going to be alcohol servers?

And Studio 54, which they say had the

hardest velvet rope to get around because

you had to show the bouncers something pretty unique to get

to show Steve something, not the bouncers.

Who's Steve?

Steve Revell.

Steve Revell.

He was the one that basically picked a lot of people.

But you know, he had somebody, he wasn't out there for a control.

No, he was there for a good chunk, but he would allow people that you wouldn't expect to get in.

Like a guy who's never been drunk.

Hey, he's been known.

He turned down a lot of stores that you want to let people go in.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Jeffy Stardust.

My best chances of getting in any of those places, I would say, would be Studio 54.

And become a regular of it.

So, you think that you're a regular?

I gotta become a regular every night.

They're like, oh, I don't think you're gonna come in.

All right, then you know what?

I'm gonna say that

secret society because there's no way I might go into that Playboy match there.

They're not letting me in there all the time.

I just don't know.

Like, why would they let me in there all the time?

A regular member?

Like, I'm out there with the smoking jacket with you.

Like, what are you saying?

What do you think is going to win this month?

Look at all these tat-tags.

I actually think it would be the skull and bones.

That's what I said.

Yeah, low-profile.

Yeah.

Okay, so you got another correct answer.

Look at Sunday Jeff's arms, man.

Let's start calling them Gunday Jeff.

Yeah.

He's fucking massive.

You can resurrect one of these long dead products, the Arch Deluxe.

Do you remember the Arch Deluxe?

What was that?

It was a McDonald's hamburger.

Was that the one that kept the hot hot

cold?

DLT?

It was like a...

It was a high-end burger.

It was more expensive than any other normal burger.

I think McDLT was a high-end burger, wasn't it?

McDLT.

I don't know.

Was this the one where it's like they're like, we keep the hot, hot and the cold cold?

And it came in like a double package with the vegetables on one side and the burger on the other.

They say it was the biggest flop in fast food history.

Crystal Pepsi.

Remember that?

Crystal clear.

Or New Coke.

Which one of these products do you resurrect and have the best chance of now becoming a success in 2023?

I wouldn't say New Coke.

Newer Coke?

Yeah, newer Coke.

Just because I think a lot of people are fading away from

all that sugar.

I would think probably

Crystal Pepsi.

And the reason why, because

there's no coloring in it.

It's more of a, they're trying to make it healthier.

The other one I don't think is really...

What was the first one?

Oh, the McDuels.

No, the Arch deluxe.

Arch deluxe.

Yeah, I just think, I think a lot of people are fading away from a lot of the fast food stuff.

Like, they're trying to get away from that.

So, I would think, like, there's no caramel.

Basically, it's the same thing as Pepsi.

I just don't think it has any caramel coloring in it.

And the correct answer was the Arch Deluxe, because with all the advents of all the burger joints now, the higher-end burger joints, where you're paying way more than for a McDonald's burger,

the thinking is the Arch Deluxe could be reintroduced and succeed today because you have your Red Robin burgers, your Smash Burgers.

This would appeal to to

the burger connoisseur more than it did in the 80s.

I see.

You know what?

We still don't have the Arch Deluxe.

So it takes care of that.

This is it.

Despite having the largest advertising and promotional budget in fast food history at the time, which was 1996, it was soon discontinued after failing to become popular and is considered to be one of the most expensive flops of all time.

Wow.

But I believe the Arch Deluxe could come back with the right marketing campaign and be a success way more easily than Crystal Pepsi.

Nobody gives a fuck about that.

People weren't.

Although we are going through at least a recession at this point, it said customers were dissuaded by the high price, which ranged from $209 up to $2.49, which is equivalent to about $5 in 2022.

Although, I don't know, I bring Sage McDonald's, and it's about right.

It's always that much.

It's not for just one burger, though.

I don't know.

$250, I think.

How much is $50 for a cheeseburger?

If you buy a Big Mac, Big Mac's probably about $5.

I would say Big Mark's probably about $5.

$699.

All right, so didn't get that one right.

Let's see how you're doing this one.

Which of these cults do you feel you most likely would have joined and excelled in?

The Manson family.

Jim Jones's The People's Temple.

That's the Kool-Aid cult.

You know, the Flavorade.

You know, the...

You know, that cult where he made everybody drink Kool-Aid.

It was like, it was in Guyana, like 700, 800 people all got poisoned and died.

Did you ever hear that slogan or that phrase?

It's a pop culture phrase, don't drink the Kool-Aid.

That's because of this cult.

Am I the one persuading them?

Is that what you're saying?

No, no, no.

You're joining one of these cults, and which one are you excelling in the best?

Which one are you, like, are you like, you're getting the eye of the leader of the

Jim Jones?

Manson, Jim Jones, or Heaven's Gate.

That's the UFO cult where they all put their Nikes on and got bad haircuts.

And drank, I think they drank poison too, right?

I think they did.

You're right.

I don't know.

Something like that.

Any of these that

I'm going to get their attention?

Well, you're going to excel in.

You've got the Manson family.

How are you going to sell?

Everything you drink, you're going to die.

How are you going to excel?

How are you going to excel in there?

At least the Manson, at least you got a chance to live in the Manson one.

This is like the Apollo 13 question.

I'm going to pick the Manson one because at least you live.

Yeah, and the Manson one, like worst case scenario, is you trip on some acid.

Yeah, but you're going to live.

You're not drinking poison.

You bang some hippie chicks.

Yeah, Yeah, but now you've also got a fucking X carved into your fucking forehead now.

Oh, so he's one of the mencent girls?

Look, that's how I got Charlie's car.

I was like, that one guy.

So

maybe

I write a different letter backwards or something, so I get his attention.

But I'd still rather take my chances with that.

I got a chance to stay in alive.

X backwards is still X.

No, no, not X.

I'd write a D.

I'd write a D backwardness.

I'm making a plus sign.

This will trick him.

What do you think about this?

See, I would have thought the UFO cult, you would have been, you're into fucking UFOs.

You're into space.

Yeah, I'm not into psychosis.

But you're not into fucking hippies and psychedelic drugs and the beach boys.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm thinking about it.

You're a poser in that cult, dude.

You're not going to excel.

He'd be ousted with that.

I don't think I would excel in any of these cults.

And the UFO one.

I don't know if you ever heard of it.

There's a guy named Doe, and I forget what his wife's name was.

And they would make the members do really weird shit.

A lot of fucking, a lot of,

you know, a lot of people becoming eunuchs, cutting your balls off.

I'm glad I didn't.

That's the thing about cult leaders, man.

Like, the guy did the right thing.

Like, the male cult leader is always like, all you other guys, yeah, you're not welcome.

But your wives are.

You're big into that shit.

Like, emasculating.

Nah, Sunday, I think you would have been a fucking mover and shaker in the Heaven's Gate cult.

I think so.

I think so.

You may have, you may, like I said, I wouldn't want to see you, you know, 80 years old with a giant X in your head.

You know, that's just not what you want.

I made a mistake.

I think one of the ladies just ran out.

I think one of the Manson women just got paroled, if I'm not mistaken, after all these years.

I thought I heard that, too, or she was up for it.

Yeah.

Doe and T.

Doe and T, that were the leaders of the Heavens Gate.

We actually contacted them through email, and they answered some questions for us for an old episode of TSD.

So there's someone still monitoring that website, waiting for the UFO to come back.

Yeah.

They'll be waiting a long time.

Yeah, I kind of agree with you on that one.

I don't think that UFO is ever coming.

Hence to why I didn't join that cult.

Who just got paroled?

I can't tell if it's who got they didn't get parole, but they got denied.

If it was Leslie Van Houghton or Patricia Crenwinkle.

All right, so just a few.

Oh, wait, Manson follower Patricia Crenwinkle approved for parole, and this was 2022.

So

if it just happened recently, it's probably that's the one we're talking about.

That's a long time to be in jail, man.

Fucking like 50 years.

You got to do the fucking time, bro.

You did the crime.

You cut people open and take their baby.

This one's to do with love and the heart.

You must order a mail-order bride

of only these three choices.

A Papua New Guinea tribeswoman.

from a tribe that has had no exposure to the modern world.

And oh, by the way.

Almost like you.

And, oh, by the way, they've dabbled in cannibalistic

tendencies, this tribe.

No, no, no, no, no.

A woman from the most inbred family in Kentucky called the Whitakers.

The Whitakers?

Oh, have you ever seen her?

No.

Okay, hold on a second.

Let me see what she looks like first.

Yeah.

Oh, no, it's just a woman.

I'm not saying that it's like the most famous woman in Kentucky.

Well, I still got a good idea what's going on.

Yeah, I think that

the amount of inbreeding in this particular family has caused some defects, some harsh ones.

Yeah,

it's pretty bad.

Like, nobody, like, everybody can watch everybody else at the same time.

Looks like

that home episode in the X-Files.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or your third and final choice, an old-fashioned Christian science gal that won't allow her or your children any modern medicine.

Like it.

So you got the tribeswoman from New Guinea, Papua New Guinea, who's never seen an outsider,

never seen, you know, an American man,

an all-American man, I should say, as you are an all-American man.

She comes right off the boat.

She's like, this is what she sees.

You got the inbred Kentucky woman from the family of

the Whitakers.

The Whitakers.

And you have this woman who won't allow her or any potential children to receive any modern medicine or medical care.

Which one's going to be more apt to find true love in a long, loving marriage in this male-order bride?

Someone who doesn't understand you, the language, anything about the world.

Yeah, but then, you know, he said that's cannibalistic, though.

Well,

I come off the boat.

I start looking like that cartoon running around like a hot dog, the poor child.

Now,

I would say that's that's a good thing.

They only ate their enemies, though.

That's one of the things, too.

It's not like they were eating people of their own tribe.

This is what they would do to the enemies to garner strength and to become intimidating to some of the rival tribes.

But her husband, I imagine she's not going to ever consider you a fucking taco.

A snack.

Come by.

So you have a lot.

You take that one.

You have a lot to introduce her to.

TV.

Yeah, Star Wars.

take her right over there and bring her right to the multiplex as soon as she gets off the plane.

Um,

but I think it would be uh

it'd be interesting, though, to

like Brian would say, it's you would be able to show her everything and you'd be doing it together, so it's all new to her, yeah.

So, I would think but you don't even have the same language, though.

That's all right, but I'm saying it's you grow together.

I think that would be a lot better

that you know, you have like somebody fresh like that who's not really used to your culture or whatever.

And you're basically, as you, as you go on and the years go by, that, you know, you can grow fond of each other.

She's never seen indoor lighting or plumbing.

That's my kind of woman.

Yeah.

You are, you're talking about somebody who's so removed from your daily life.

Can I get back on the technique?

You're talking about like you have to introduce her to everything, how to even use a toilet, how to, you know, turn on the lights and not think that, like, you know, that a god is mad at her.

Yeah, I mean, there is a heavy

burden to

bridge the person.

Just doesn't have any kind of medicine.

He just doesn't, you know,

so, like, if, like, let's say you, you, you, eventually, you're going to have a child, um, and the kid gets sick, she's like, No, no medicine.

God will, God will heal her.

Jeffrey,

sounds like this could be goodness for us.

Never doing doctor medicine.

Uh, yeah, sure, I'll go with that one then.

Christian science, yeah.

I think that was the right answer.

I felt that was the one because you could always wait till she's asleep, then take the kid to the doctor.

That's what I was thinking.

Just go behind her back.

Yeah.

But there is an argument to be made for the Papua New Guinea truck.

Interesting.

We just look at her pictures.

They got no problems hanging their boobs out,

walking around.

They're actually pretty cute.

Start walking through them all like that.

You got a grass skirt that you teach in their face and stomach.

All right, Sonny, you want to get this last question out of the the way?

And maybe you could go 500, I think.

Yeah,

I'm surprising you, I think.

No, not really.

You still fell on the test.

Which of these proven to be harmful things would you eradicate from existence?

Tobacco,

alcohol,

social media.

Okay, now first, is it like it never existed or he's taking it away?

He's taking it away.

Okay.

You can eradicate it from existence.

It doesn't exist any longer.

Hmm.

And these are all three proven to be harmful.

Oh, well, without a doubt.

Which one do you feel would be serving mankind the best?

Tobacco would probably kill.

Well, alcohol kills a lot of people, too.

But social media, if you count suicides and stuff, that could be a lot, too.

But not just death, but like think of how it affects people's

mental states.

And especially young kids.

Even 55-year-old men, when they look online, they see somebody that's like, yeah, Yeah, but I'm saying, like, that people are writing.

It makes me go like,

my toes are all over the line.

I'm ready to fucking,

you know.

Like, would the world be better?

I would think the world would be better without social media.

You're picking social media.

I would pick social media.

No, I mean, obviously, none of them are really, I mean, tobacco is obviously not healthy at all.

It kills tons of people.

Alcohol, same thing.

You got issues with that.

Social media, but I'm saying, you know, how many kids read stuff and they commit suicide and they, and they, you know, that's, but it affects all ages, though.

It just doesn't affect, like, you know, tobacco and alcohol.

You're supposed to be 21 or whatever.

You know, so a lot of the younger folks ain't really, you know, dabbling in it.

But social media, everybody could do it.

You know, all different age groups.

But then there's a knock-on effect, though, that you remove social media from existence and now everybody fucking rushed to the bottle to fill that void of

what happened.

Or tobacco.

So this is a Kobayashi Maru fucking.

But, you know, look, we lived years, our lives when there was no social media, right?

When we actually had to talk on the phone, where we actually had to talk to people.

And unfortunately, we never lived in an era of prohibition,

one of the greatest fucking periods in American history.

I wouldn't have had a problem.

Me and you would be fucking smooth sailing, brother.

Not necessarily.

You guys are all Jones and on the side of the street here.

What's the matter with you guys?

I feel like, Walt, you might profiteer off it.

Off of

alcohol.

Like, I can see you being a silent partner in a speakeasy.

I'm not gabbling all illegal activities.

Moonshine and Flanagan over there.

I want Elliot Ness fucking or you know, visiting me and everything.

You'd be like this and you're like, oh man, I don't know how the fuck they could drink this.

Shirt over his nose.

The correct answer I felt while was alcohol.

I just feel when you look at the numbers, the sheer numbers are staggering to the

horrific

state of the world, world

due to alcohol and alcohol abuse and even people who aren't drinking alcohol who are affected by

people who in their lives who are drinking.

Well, you get a guy smoking a cigarette, right?

Unless you're right next to him, it's not going to affect you that much.

Right.

Alcohol.

You get a guy that's been drinking and driving down the street and just standing on the corner.

I mean, mean, if it's your father and he winds up dying at a young age and you have young kids or whatever,

that affects people.

Yeah, like three of them.

What are you talking about?

You're talking about social media.

No, no, no, I'm saying somebody, tobacco, like somebody, say their father has lung cancer at the age of 80.

These are all eight.

These are all.

They're all terrible.

This is a fucking shitty fucking

selection.

I'm sure there's a lot of people that wind up on social media, that wind up.

I mean, how many suicides are from social media just by being bullied?

I mean, just it's probably a lot.

It is, but I still think the numbers are

are dwarfed by alcohol's

monstrous shadow.

It feels like alcohol has a far greater reach, more tentacles to affect more people.

Well, yeah, I mean, because

your problem could become other people's problem when you get in a car.

Now you can take care of, you know, now you can wind up killing somebody else that has nothing to do with your problems.

Like, nobody killed somebody over like...

smoking three cigarettes in a row, you know, or smoking an entire carton of cigarettes.

You could, and you would just get sick.

You wouldn't want want to attack somebody you drink enough beer alcohol or something if you're one of those mean drinks we're gonna find out once we do our patreon episode someday jeff's first time he gets drunk start throwing shit against the wall

um i wanted to ask you guys very quickly because i watch a lot of crime shows a lot and um one thing i notice that a lot of these people say is it used to be the kind of town like you didn't have to lock your doors we all lock our doors now how important in your life has it ever been to you to not lock your doors like i don't get it.

It's like, do people love this feeling, this blanket of security that they feel by living in a place where they're like, well, there's no crime here.

I don't even have to lock my door.

Is it like that?

You can get lulled into a false sense of security that you live in a safe neighborhood.

I think it's easy.

And I also chalk it up to a lot of it is like you just forget.

You know, it's just like the Pop-Tart rapper.

You're not intentionally not locking your doors because you're like, eh.

I I think some people do, though.

Like these people that are on these shows, they're like, you know, yeah, she never locked her door.

She always felt safe.

And it is like, granted, it's sometimes it's in the fucking middle of nowhere.

And you're like, how did this happen?

Like, this is not

statistically, this is nearly impossible that this would happen.

But like, like last night, I woke up this morning.

Our front door was unlocked because me and Sage went outside and I forgot to lock it on the way back in.

And I wasn't like, oh my fucking God, we would have, you know,

we came so close.

Actually, they bark like maniacs.

I mean, unfortunately, though, a stranger with like, you know, become

all he has to do is just rub his belly and he'll roll over and, you know, Cooper is not attacking.

He starts attacking you.

And neither is I.

I get myself a cat.

You should.

The dog we have would.

And he hides behind me for everything.

And it's kind of strange, too, because I'm like, you know, when we first got him and like, you know, walking him around the yard and there's like kids in the next yard and he's like scared of them.

So he'll like, come and stand by my legs.

Or, you know, like guy's leaf blowing in the yard over.

He gets scared, come stand by my legs.

And then the other day, there's these two dogs, and they're like big fucking, you know, the kind of dogs that are perfectly gentle, but somehow always seem to be attacking people.

They're those kind of dogs.

And they're come running up to like the border of the property, barking and shit.

And he, like, goes behind me and, you know, hides behind my legs.

And I'm like, at that point, I'm like, dude, I've only known you three weeks.

Do you think that I'm going to take a full-on double pit bull attack for your account?

Like, no, we're going to both run or we're going to both die.

One of the two.

I think, yeah, I think, like,

I personally,

I've never purchased a dog

looking for

the intimidation factor.

You know, I purchased a dog for

the cute factor.

I wanted like a little teddy bear.

I wanted like a, I wanted something small that, you know, can jump up on the bed and not take up the whole bed.

you know.

So, but I get it, you know,

if you're looking for a guard dog, you know,

you need to look into a different kind of breed, though, than what we've picked out.

I'm like you, I don't like guard dog types.

Like, I don't mind types that bark and deter people,

but the kind that, like, you're like, can I pet this dog?

It looks pretty, like,

off Toberman.

Yeah.

So, yep, we got Norm the puppy, and he's doing okay.

That's good.

He's uh,

he's got to be trained right I think.

Aren't they known for the sniffers, right?

Yeah, he's constantly sniffing the air, constantly.

He doesn't really like the pool, though.

I've got him like a little inflatable shark outfit where he can like float around the pool.

He doesn't seem to like it too much.

Have you given him a bath?

Mary Beth has given him a couple.

Does he like that?

He doesn't mind it.

Really?

Still smells like a dog, though.

I haven't had a dog in so long that I was like, oh, yeah, that's right.

A dog smell will come along with a dog.

Especially when it's wet.

Regardless of.

Yeah, he goes swimming in the pool, then he fucking tears in the house and runs up and jumps in the bed.

And he starts starts like rolling around all over the bed, getting his wet dog ass all over the place.

Fucking dirty fucking dirty fucking towel that's been in the laundry for three weeks.

So that's about everything I had.

And apologies for these past few weeks.

Last week, I know the audio wasn't great.

That was my fault.

I know the previous week, the audio didn't even come out because I fucked it up.

So that was my fault.

But this week,

I'm projecting

three.

Audio guy.

This is supposed to be Q's job.

If you remember, he was originally the tech guy.

Right.

He grew out of it, right?

He grew out of his role, and we never hired anyone else.

Although, Ghido has been looking at his phone the entire fucking time.

So I'm not even sure if it's recorded.

I don't even like it.

Tell him, Steve Dave.