#560: The Porcelain Unabomber

And I thought a little house on the prairie/slash nelly themed guitar.

You're not giving echo stuff, huh?

I'm never.

Never.

I will never give it up.

I don't care how many people say they didn't like it.

I wish I was home smoking pot.

I'll smoke a pot, Mary Beth.

I can't take out the dog.

Smoke a pot!

I watch TV.

If not, then fucking you take a pot.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Guess what, everyone?

Walt's here.

I am.

Even bigger deal.

Sorry, Walt.

Me and you are kind of like not that special.

But you being here, that makes all the difference.

Here I am.

Look, he looks battle-worn from these bachelorette parties he's been attending for a month.

Is it everything?

The decadence and the debauchery that everyone is praying praying

that we're going to hear some crazy ass stories?

Carver belts.

How many bachelorettes did you bang?

Drinking off of half of Savannah.

Off of body parts.

No, the problem is

it's fun for everybody else.

I had a blast because there were two nights.

Savannah's a great town.

Well, that's Georgia.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fun town.

You don't want to ask about their politics too much, but

fun town.

And

they have a mixture of dive bars, which I love.

I'll take a dive bar any day of the week.

And then, because everybody on every other person at this bachelor party was,

on average, 15 years younger than me.

Well, that's the way to roll, right?

And there were a bunch of girls out there.

They're more energetic.

They're more crazy.

Let's wait for them to roll.

I had a good time.

I got drunk.

The thing is, well, like, unless we're in those dive bars, we go to the clubs, you know, where the girls want to go and stuff like that.

It's just a meet and greet for me.

And I can't have fun.

It's like all night I'm just taking pictures and stuff.

Do you ever think of going MJ, Michael Jackson, and adopting some sort of disguise?

Ah, someone will see through.

Remember we went to

the Wren Fest?

We went to the Wren Fest, and I was covered.

When I say head to toe, I mean head to toe.

Like, I couldn't tell it was him.

The only thing that I, that you saw was, like, my nose and like a domino mask, and people were coming up to me.

I think you've got to go a little bit more involved in that and also adopt maybe a British accent.

And you should get like

cartel boss plastic surgery and the British accent.

You can go to a bachelorette party.

Cheerio.

Oh.

Jeeves.

Wear the Royal.

Make it a double.

Oh.

Jeeves.

i just call every bartender gee

and other people in the round bar i i think that's cute from a practical joker

you must be on tv

why could be acting like such an asshole otherwise

yeah so you can't do anything there's nothing to be done because they're you know there's always people watching or taking pictures or whatever now i don't know if you've noticed but get him is in the room i did notice he has been giving a new

responsibility as office manager yeah slash coach and it is now he will have to be here for every audio recording and monitor the recording.

Okay.

And already, why aren't you wearing the fucking

last time?

You have the best ears.

Put it on, though, because I'm, because just so we have two sets of ears to make sure.

You have two sets of ears.

I don't trust his ears.

What's wrong with my ears?

Because every fucking for two out of the last four recordings hasn't fucking recorded.

That has nothing to do with my ears.

I got perfect hearing.

It's my technological abilities that suck.

At least put it on intermittently.

Have you ever heard an employee fucking complain so much about their job?

He's shit back.

He gives you shit back.

You're already doing it.

Why do I got to do it?

Your fears are better than mine.

You're telling me about his.

This is why he doesn't get a raise when he gives these new jobs, right?

You know, yeah, he almost got demoted last week back to office coach.

Yeah, he almost got his manager time stripped.

What do you do?

I don't know.

What did he do again?

What did you do that you almost got your office?

Well, you can't ask me something on Mike.

Oh, yeah.

I don't remember that, though.

I don't remember.

Yeah, it was something small he did.

Yeah, but this is the new

added responsibility to his probably, I think he only has two other ones.

Just be here

and don't fucking destroy the toilet.

Don't destroy the toilet.

Was that an issue?

Well,

that comes from the landlord.

That's like the watch roll.

Took one look at him when we were moving in.

Like, we're going to have a don't blow up the toilet clause into

your contract.

We got a toilet toilet destroyer on the floor, too.

The Unabomber of fucking

the porcelain Una bomber.

He struck again.

I think there's nails in that one.

Is that a hay?

Is that a condom?

It's like

when they cut open a shark with the license plate in there from LAM

rents 50 bucks a month highest

to cover plumbing damage.

Yeah, but if you're,

I don't know if you feel awkward with him in the room.

No, I don't know.

Not just silently sitting there.

No.

No,

I kind of just, it's easily ignored.

Yeah, well, he didn't even do his job last week.

He was looking at his phone so much.

I don't think he.

They recorded, though.

Last week was pretty sweet.

I did actually record.

You're kind of damn subprompt.

They recorded at least.

I think people.

You should hear Declan fucking like the fucking

manifestos he sends me about how we have to address the recording issues.

And I'm like, motherfucker, how much more can I address?

I can't be responsible for the audio, too.

Stop sending me.

Let's put our best man on it.

Let's do it.

He's just saying that so it makes his job look harder.

So he's like, oh, I'm worth file.

They need me.

The fucking sound guru.

Yeah.

Oh, it's like how Scotty on the Enterprise is always like, it's impossible.

Meanwhile, he already did it.

He already did it.

It's been done.

He's fucking kicking back, smoking weed over there

just for the right moment to be like, I did it, Captain.

Well, guess what, Captain Flanagan?

I was going to save the recording again.

He's the hardest whale we ever hunted.

I gorgeous one Moby Dick.

I like Getta being in here.

Well, with no mic, he's just a target.

Yes.

He's just a bullseye shit.

I feel like the guy in

Tracy.

I feel like the guy tracing the phone calls in every FBI movie.

Yeah.

With the cans.

That's why he doesn't have a movie.

Yeah, all right.

I told him to set the.

What about this mic right here?

Why didn't you set this one up so you could?

I told you last night.

I said, put that mic up for you.

Because I want to ask you a question, though.

Intermittently.

I would like to ask you from time to time a question.

Okay.

I'll just send the mic over to him then.

Well, I want to tell you, do you feel more responsibility?

Is this a little bit more like pressure?

Because

it should.

It should.

You should feel the pressure because if it doesn't record now, we have somebody that we can fucking go after.

Yeah.

It's your ass.

it's your ass

but thankfully due to my security training i'm full under pressure

the david jewel of audio robert jeweller was his name

that harkens back to the early 90s the uh atlanta olympic bombing right a lot of bombing references so far in this episode well

toilet bomb

and unibomber just died unabomber just died yeah that's i was i was going to bring that up and uh have you ever read his manifesto uh I remember scouring through it,

just looking for the insanity, which

is pretty easy to find.

It's easy to find, but there's also some shit in there that you're like, he was right.

About what?

About all how the Industrial Revolution and technology in general is contributing to the downfall of mankind.

Well, in his opinion,

mankind has downfall.

I mean,

look at all the accomplishments, too, by that.

A lot of accomplishments, but I think he was talking specifically about online.

talking about that.

It was mid-90s.

It was already

in the middle.

He could not have four businesses.

Yes, definitely.

Yeah.

He's a unit bomber.

In the 80s, he was doing this shit.

There was no fucking internet.

No, but he was doing it in the 90s, too.

Wait, when did he first send his first bomb?

Let's check it out.

Old and Googling shit.

That's what we do around here.

Oh, you're going to do it?

Get him?

All right.

Get him's looking it up.

Yeah, you're kind of like, how did they not catch him for so long?

Because he was living in a fucking

four by four hut.

Oh, the famous shack the shack yeah isn't that somewhere in a museum or something like that oh

in the eye garage yeah they definitely just assembled i mean the fbi

was on display at one point the fbi never would have found him if not for his brother his brother they published the manifesto his brother read it the wife of the brother of the brother who was like i think this might be my brother was like you got to go to to the police you got to go you got to turn your brother in yeah just by the writings what year 78 78 was the first bomb oh wow.

All right.

Yeah, so that, like, the FBI was nowhere near catching him if not for his

brother.

His brother.

Is his brother regarded as a hero?

I would think so.

I mean, it's a tough thing to do.

We know Ted Gaczinski.

We don't know his brother's name.

But I mean, I think he would have to be generally regarded as a hero for turning in his brother.

I mean, I'm sure there's some people.

who, you know, they begrudgingly don't want to fucking ever give anybody any hero status no matter what happens.

Well, do you think it's because he sold out his brother and people are like, yo, dude,

so that you did your brother dirty?

Well, thankfully, I think his parents were no longer alive, so they didn't have to see, you know, one brother turn in the other brother for, you know, being the Unabomber, which would have been

fucking really rough Christmases.

What do you do if you found out one of your family members is like doing shit like that?

Or you cue, like, you know, one of your brothers is

which brother?

No.

No, I mean, you got to turn him in, I guess.

But I would stick with him.

Yeah.

I would visit him in prison and stuff like that.

But you can't have your brother out there killing other people.

Just pulling people up indiscriminately.

Here's what I would suggest, though.

You have to have the FBI's assurances that...

You never come to, it never comes out that you turned him in.

So you at least don't have that.

And then don't go on date line doing all sorts of interviews and shit.

Who the hell's going to call me a hero if I do it anonymously?

Oh.

what?

That's what I would be like.

I don't want any credit.

Don't put my name in the paper.

Don't even, an unnamed source, you know, turn them in.

I do not want this kind of like

to, I mean, I got to live with it as it is.

I certainly don't want it out in the media.

You don't think a book deal will help?

Money?

Yeah.

I think he's also doing, he was a really successful, smart motherfucker too, the brother.

So what did he turn his brother in for?

He's not going to get a book deal out of it.

I don't see that.

It makes no sense.

Yeah.

You haven't been stopped touching that mic because it keeps sinking down.

I think there's something wrong with this.

I don't tighten it enough, maybe.

Get him.

Get on that.

I was just about to say that chair is going to collapse by that.

That's a second loud pop that I've heard from Giddam's chair.

Be careful.

That chair is screaming.

He's got back spasms.

You probably don't listen to

last week's episode.

No, I heard about his elbow.

Yeah, he definitely has a horny elbow,

poking out, and back spasms.

You're doing great, bud.

And we were told earlier that he had

a beefcake photo of himself.

Yeah.

And if he'll send it to me, I'll put it up.

No, no, he doesn't want it out there.

He doesn't want it out there.

I don't know why.

But yeah, he told me that he's very reluctant to have it go out online.

He doesn't want anybody to see it.

It's because then people draw comparisons.

Like, why were you in the beefcake shape?

And now you're.

Yeah, I imagine that's you don't want to hear that.

From hero to zero,

no one wants to hear about how you've degraded and how you've, you know, how you've, how poorly you've aged.

You have to best something or overcome something.

Yeah, you can't just be like, I've been in steady decline since I was 20.

Now I'm going to write a book about it.

I thought it was nice, though.

Q came in today, though, and he brought Giddam lunch for his birthday.

He did.

I didn't even know it was Giddam's birthday.

Yeah, I took him out for lunch, but like I told you guys, he didn't quite enjoy it as thoroughly as I hoped because he had the runs, he told me, while we were sitting in the booth.

Did he visit the bathroom several times?

He had to limit his choices to.

Why don't you just reschedule?

Because I would forget, and I'd be like,

it's a one-shot deal only.

You go now or show down this pancake now while you got the runs.

And they were like, sir, there's a maximum of four visits to the bathroom.

They're like, oh, God, Porcelain Unibomber's here.

They are on the phone.

Try to

play up behind you.

Try to keep us there longer.

Would you like another pancake, sir?

Okay.

It's my birthday book.

This is my friend.

He's taking me out.

Feeding them pancakes under the stall, under the door.

Trying to keep them there longer.

Would you like syrup with that?

They want to take him out the back of the restaurant.

There's no way they want people that are coming in to see that mess.

So why IHOP?

Why not Perkins?

Perfectly within walking distance.

I'm not a fan of Perkins.

I don't like Perkins.

I don't like the burgers there.

And

I wanted to.

It was about you, not about him.

At the end of the day, it's yeah.

I mean, I'm buying for it.

At least I want to join too.

And he's not a Perkins fan.

He doesn't care.

He's a fan of free.

Yeah.

A birthday, lunch, or dinner.

He doesn't care where it's at, Perkins or IHUP.

All right.

All right.

get him.

Did you ever find out his brother's name?

David.

David.

David Kaczynski.

And that Ted Kaczynski, the Unit Bomber, he was in the MKUltra program, too.

So they probably fucked up his brain on him.

And that's definitely, because it's been confirmed, that's not just a rumor.

No, that's confirmed that he was part of that.

Which one's that?

And which one's that?

That was like the government was doing the experiments with like acid and LSD.

all kinds of shit.

Oh, it's like mind control.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They broke his brain.

I think so.

Sent him out into the world.

Sent him out into the world.

I think.

Obviously not a fan of technology.

I can relate to that.

I'm about to write a manifesto against his fucking soundboard.

He had 170 IQ.

Now, put that in comparison with our resident genius who has 148.

Can you imagine him

30 points higher?

Wow.

Why is he living in a cabin in the woods?

He wants to get back to nature.

He wants to abandon all forms of technology and modern living.

Don't sound that smart to me.

Yeah, there's a four-part series on him on Netflix.

Yeah.

It's pretty interesting.

Did people like him, like in his day-to-day, where people are like, oh, that's Ted Zeusnal right guy?

I think he was quiet.

I think he was just a little bit more.

I thought he meant once the

early on.

Because John Wayne Gacy, people are like, oh my God, he was a pillar of society.

Yeah, he was a community leader.

Pictures with Rosalind Carter.

They said in college, he definitely started to go downhill.

Yeah.

Like his brother did an interview and said that.

I know a lot of people who went down to college.

Hey, nice work.

Nice work.

I applaud.

I'm back, everyone.

I'm here.

I'm at the table.

I don't even get that.

It wasn't that good.

But yeah, they said he definitely turned

down the wrong path in college where he started to get paranoid, delusions, and

all those things that come with it.

All right.

Well, he's fucked now.

He's dead.

How'd he die?

He's just 81.

Hang himself.

Oh, whoa.

I didn't know that.

I didn't hear anything about it.

At 81?

At 81?

Yeah.

Can you imagine being in jail for that long and then being like, I guess he'll have it.

Yeah, fuck it on my terms.

Because considering how he lived, I would have thought the jail cell would have been an upgrade.

That's what somebody wrote.

I saw a comment where somebody said, yeah, we took him from a 5x7 cabin and put him in an 8x10 cell.

So why was it worse for him?

Probably because he wasn't allowed to write and shit.

No, I bet you was allowed to write, but he didn't have the freedom to send bombs and shit.

He had stopped doing that, though.

He had stopped with the bombs for quite some time.

Yeah.

He was a bomber because it was like university airline.

Like the first one was sent to an airline guy, I think.

And he did it.

I'm just shaking his head.

Northwestern University.

Northwestern University, then the airline.

One of them was suspicious of it.

If I got a box at my house and it's like, hey, Brian Johnson, even if there's no return address on it, I'm probably still going to open it.

Yeah, right.

I must have ordered something I forgot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the way I think.

Yeah.

I think that if you were guys are living in an age where there was the Unabomber still out there, you might reconsider opening that box, though.

If Helen opened it,

that's a better idea.

The office manager's new job.

Inspect all my personal packages.

Make sure they don't detonate.

I tried to at the

Bachelor Rat Party.

I tried to send you guys money to

drink.

Oh, did you?

I couldn't get it to work.

That might have been.

Yeah, I posted it up.

I was pretty drunk when I put it up.

And then like within like 10 minutes, like $300 had flowed in.

And I was like, oh, I don't want people to actually...

Like, I felt bad, so I pulled it down.

I was like, I don't want.

It was just going up and up.

And I thought that was really nice of people, but we already had more money than we were just needed.

Yeah.

And I was like, I don't want to just take, like, you know, I probably shouldn't have done it to begin with.

But it was nice.

It was very nice.

And actually, out at the bars, like, people came up to us and were like, hey, I saw your post and I wanted to buy you guys a drink.

So it was nice.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, the people were

super nice.

All right.

Yeah.

Something else you should watch, Walt.

The strange case of Natalie Grace.

Natalia Grace.

Is this the kid that might have been an adult?

Yeah.

Somebody told me to watch this.

Yeah, it's wild.

Pretty fucking weird.

Yeah.

Like just when you think like you know where it's going, it's in a different direction.

Yeah.

And you're like, holy shit, I didn't like her for no reason.

Yeah.

So this is the dwarf who pretended to be a child?

Pretended to be a child or thought she was a child or people were told she was a child

and

was adopted from the Ukraine, they said.

Well, actually from this place in Miami.

And then when they brought her home, they started thinking, like the whole big thing, and the spoiler alert, is they're like, when she went to take a bath, she had pubes.

And that's all they talk about for the rest of the episode.

Oh, right.

I would think that would be fucking impassing.

Maybe one comment about that.

One or two comments.

I looked over at Mary Beth and I was like, I cannot believe they're bringing up her bush again.

It's fucking nuts.

Well, how old was she supposedly have been?

Supposedly was eight.

I know, but how old was she in the eighth?

And then they're like, we think she was 22.

Wow.

But then they like, well, I'm not going to give too much away.

For people to be able to do that.

The Academy should recognize that.

If you can pull that off, I mean, that's better than fucking whoever they gave the Oscar to this year.

It's better than my British actor.

Right?

If you could convince somebody you're eight years old at the age of 22,

it's pretty fucking good acting.

Yeah, they had, because like they, she had like this rare form of dwarfism.

And there was another girl nearby who had it.

So the mom was like, hey, I'll bring my daughter over so she can, you know, mix up with somebody who has the same disorder.

And when you see their pictures together, you're like, that girl does not look like she's eight.

Like, that girl looks like she's eight.

That girl, like, her face is defined.

She has like an adult face, just a little body, and she like speaks real well.

Like, they were even saying that, but like, she doesn't speak like an eight-year-old, you know?

She speaks like an adult.

Is it a because I don't, am I going to watch it and then just feel bad?

No, didn't she try to murder the adopted parents or something like that?

That's what the mom said.

Yeah, the mom and the dad both claimed.

The dad is so over-the-top flamboyant that you're like, this guy had to have had something to do with it.

Like, he's so dramatic about everything.

And you're just like, you know, the marriage doesn't survive.

Another spoiler alert.

You know, they're always arguing with each other, especially over the girl,

the young daughter.

But the dad, at the very end, you're like,

I don't believe him.

I don't believe a fucking word he said for the past four hours.

Wow.

Like the last thing he says.

Do they talk to the girl on camera?

They show interviews of her with like psychiatrists.

So she's still around

walking around.

She never was charged or anything for lying to.

Was it confirmed that she was an adult?

I think

they officially re-aged her, which I guess is something that they do with foreign-born adoptions.

And that's not a crime.

That's not illegal to pose as a child to get out of Ukraine?

I guess not.

Like, what about the adoption agency?

Aren't they held accountable?

But they were like fly-by-night shit.

Like, these people should never have adopted this girl from

this place.

It was like not a legit adoption place.

And then when like again, like, you know, they said she came from the Ukraine.

She was there until she was five.

And then they had this party and some, the one, the mom was like, oh, I'll bring this lady or guy over who's from the Ukraine.

She can speak to her.

They can speak to her in her native tongue.

And the Natalia girls, I did not understand a word of Ukrainian.

So they're like, did she come from the Ukraine?

Like, what the fuck's going on?

There's like so much mystery to her backstory.

They eventually do go back to the Ukraine and find the original, like the mom, the birth mom.

Is she, is she also of no, she just looks like someone late.

She looks like a beaten-down Ukrainian.

Looks like so.

So, Q, you have to get out of the Ukraine to pose as an eight-year-old.

Yeah.

Yeah.

First thing you do before the Americans

is shade those cues, right?

Try to try to get rid of that pull.

Yeah.

What's that?

What's that client we used to have?

Manscape?

Oh, Manscape?

Yeah.

That should be going to do taglines.

You should be in fully Ukrainian adoption agency.

Right?

But that's like, as a 22-year-old, that would be the first thing I would do.

I'd be like, you know what?

I don't need you to bathe me.

I'm good.

Yeah.

Like, I'm all right.

I lived in an orphanage.

I did a lot of shit on my own.

Yeah, that's weird, man.

It had to be so disturbing.

The whole thing just sounds like.

Well, then once you're, yeah, you're like, okay, so we don't have a kid.

We have an adult living with us.

But then, like, you're like, oh my God, this little girl, she's a psychopath.

She's crazy.

She's doing this and that.

But then the more you get into the parents by by like say the end of the second beginning of the third episode you're like these guys are the pieces of oh wow really yeah you don't like you don't like anybody or it's twists and turns twists and turns all over the place

that you should you should get you should get on the poster with that brian johnson says twists and turns all over the place yeah

why can't they quote you

why

i'm fully behind this documentary i don't recommend everybody oh you got quoted oh yeah

Remember the quotes you want.

Why don't you stop dropping quotes for a minute?

I'm sticking to this was good, this was bad.

I'm only talking about.

Can you just stick to this is good?

This is bad is too risky these days.

I'm only going to weigh in on fucking dwarves who are posing as children.

That's the only subject I'm willing to

talk about in depth.

Otherwise, I get fucked.

I will make another recommendation for Pride Month, though.

I think it's Discovery.

There's this drag queen, Trixie Mattel, who buys this old motel in Palm Springs and renovates it.

Okay.

It's only one season, but it's fucking cool.

Like the most fun show.

It's really cool.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

Is the place still open?

Yeah.

I believe so.

Yeah, you can go there if you go to Palm Springs and stay there.

What do we got?

That's Brian Johnson's Pride Month.

That's my Pride Month announcement.

That's it.

Twists and turns?

Yeah.

Okay.

Twists and turns.

A little bit.

Yeah, yeah.

We said a little bit.

It was good.

Now, I got to get your guys' opinion on something after I read this.

It has to do with it, though.

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and they are going to custom make a four-colored demons guitar.

Whoa, what do you think of that?

For who?

I don't know.

I don't know if they play.

I think they plan on giving it away to somebody.

I think that's the plan.

But Mary Beth texted me and she said they want to do a custom four-colored demons guitar.

Wow.

I think it's pretty cool.

Can't you get one of your guitarist friends, like your many, you don't you have like multiple guitar friends?

Can't they just play that on stage?

Play the Fort Hall Demon?

Yeah.

I mean, if it's a good guitar.

Well, American fucking musicals making it.

Well, if they're listed in right now, yeah.

I have many guitarists for this.

Like, can't John Five, like, just take that and make it his new axe?

He could.

He could.

I could ask Rusty, Rusty Cooley.

I could ask him.

Well, he's in.

Well, John Five is a Molly Crew right now.

That's fucking.

And zombie.

So, yeah, that would be a double duty.

Let's just say that.

We'll just say that.

Is there any way you can do that?

Just play for one song.

Comic book slash motorcycle guy.

Just one song.

Just one song.

And

then we get it on video, video.

And that's great PR for us, too.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

We'll have something to put up on the YouTube channel.

I like it.

That's relying on you, though.

I mean, I know you got his number.

When's the last time you texted John 5?

Never.

I don't have John 5.

I have Piggy's number.

I don't have John 5's number.

Oh, which one's...

John 5's a guitarist did in Motley Crew, though.

Right.

But he's a guitarist actor.

I love Piggy then.

Piggy D is the bassist for zombie.

And John 5 used to be in zombie.

He used to be.

He may still be.

I don't know.

I'm not sure.

So, all right.

So

can you get Piggy to abandon the bass for one song and play the four-color demons guitar?

Probably.

I think so.

All right, we're in then.

All right.

It'll have to be a good guitar, though, American Musical.

Don't be giving Piggy no, like, $100 beginner piece of shit.

Man.

And he's also in a band called the Hacksons, so it could do double duty.

Who's that?

Piggy?

Yeah.

I'm in.

All right.

Does he want to make three of them?

Yeah.

I'll learn to play.

Yeah.

All right.

I'll learn to play like the opening licks to a song.

All right.

Well, you can play it with Brett Michaels

in the next year.

That's coming up.

Oh, you're going on again with him?

Yeah.

You might as well just go on tour with his band.

I'm not arguing that.

Yeah, I'm doing one of his shows.

I'm going on stage at one of his shows.

Oh, dude, then don't even bother.

Like, you take the four-color demon guitar.

Who is this?

Brett Michaels?

Yeah.

And you don't plug it in, though, and pretend you're playing it, just like all the bands do today.

None of the real bands are playing their own guitars.

I mean, I'm down to feedback.

You could do that, right?

All right, I'll text Brett.

I'll say it.

I can extend it solo.

My fingers aren't even touching the strings.

Yeah,

let's see.

I think that I am on stage with him in

July.

Damn.

Yeah, I think July 16th at PNC.

I'm going to be on stage with him.

Let's American Music.

If you can get that guitar out to cue by June, July 16th.

Yeah, I'll come up on stage with it.

Oh, God, I'm a fucking killer.

Man, come on, guys.

Come on, you guys.

Can you get

me and Chuck in, and we'll have Chuck

film it for a picture of it?

Yeah, I like concerts.

I'm bringing the guitar.

Why can't I go?

Yeah, I'll work on that.

I'll talk to Brett about that.

I'll see if I can get you guys some reasonably priced tickets and stuff like that.

Some launch seats.

Yeah, something like that.

That'll be good.

I had a meeting with Chuck the other day.

Oh, yeah.

How'd that go?

In my office in Manhattan.

Big, high-powered meeting.

Fucking.

He must have.

Is that a power move?

Like in your office in Manhattan,

you couldn't just go to

when I go out and chuck for a meeting Fridays or I hop.

It would have been easier because we're both on Staten Island, too.

But I thought if I made him go over a bridge through a tunnel, pay for parking, and then go up

to my floor at

find the south alpha.

He's going to know.

The only problem was I also had to drive over the bridge and go through the tunnel.

So I don't know, man.

Maybe I should have just done it.

No, it was good.

It was going to finally be doing some stuff with us.

Collaborating.

Yeah, I'm very excited.

Yeah.

So I would love to have Chuck there that day filming.

I'm sure Brett will too.

Maybe we can get Brett to do a little

two-second, two-minute little interview about his love of BQ.

I don't see why not.

The guy is,

he's a party guy.

He loves being involved.

Okay.

So, yeah, I'll talk to him.

Awesome.

That'd be a great video.

Like BQ's fucking

rock show.

Yeah.

I'll call it.

And he'll be all like, we'll pretend, like, we'll have Brett Michaels pretend that you're like this fucking rock god.

Yeah, we already did that joke with him, though, on

a dinner party with my theremin.

He recorded a video saying that I was a theremin god.

So

I already went to that well.

But we could have him up.

Chuck will come up with something.

Yeah, Chuck's.

He's crazy.

He's a funny guy.

There's also, I had a different idea.

I thought like Scrap the Four Color Demon, and I thought a little house on the prairie slash Nelly themed guitar.

You're not giving that ghost up, huh?

I'm never.

Never.

I will never give it up.

I don't care how many people say they didn't like it.

I didn't see anybody say they didn't like it.

Oh, I saw some people.

I saw a couple.

Yeah, I saw a couple.

In fact, I saw a Photoshop of me jumping over Nellie as a shark.

It happened, Q.

They said TSD jumped a shark.

This is only the fifth time we've heard that.

Well, this one.

At the minimum, yeah.

This one felt a little different.

I've never been in 13 years I do something that I'm like, wow, this is amazing.

I can't believe I'm talking to Nellie.

People are like, fuck you.

Talk Fuck the Q again.

There was such anger and

just pure out and out outrage that I was considering hiring like a security force, like to, you know, to get me out of my house to the office back and forth.

They were coming into you?

I mean, oh my god, yeah.

I'm shutting down the KMUS2 email.

I'm shutting it down right here.

I'm announcing KMUS2 at gmail.com.

Yeah, please don't email me that you're unhappy about shit or that you're quitting or that you that you're quitting the patreon because of something that

nelly said yeah

i i don't understand why you would do that but yeah uh it was it was rough q yeah yeah there was uh some some angry ants out there fire ants biting away

yeah i mean i it how is it because we set the bar so high though that we can't have one misstep i I think it's like a marriage in that we've been in each other's lives so long, I'm talking about us and the ants, that it's not, you know, over 13 years, it's not always going to be.

Right, but don't you want your don't you want your partner maybe to shake it up, you know, once a week, maybe?

If you're only going to get it once a week, when you want your partner maybe to change it up so radically different that you're like, oh, fuck.

Let me give this a shot.

This was the pegging of the ants.

Well, no, I don't know if every, because if you switch it up every week, then there's no baseline.

So let's say you switch up every week.

Let's say you switch it up once every 13 years.

Yeah.

Well, then, you know,

I'm sure not everybody was like, fuck this.

I thought some people liked this.

There were many people who liked it.

Look, it seemed to be a real, it was one of those things where people felt they had to be in a camp.

Like we either hated it or we loved it.

You know, I didn't see many middle-of-the-road

type responses.

Because those people, I guess, they're not going online to register anything.

They're like, it was fine.

I'm not going to go on and complain.

There was recently, there's a podcast I listened to,

and there was a recent episode where I got 10 minutes into it.

And I was like, this is just boring, man.

This is terrible.

I just don't want to listen to it.

I didn't write them.

No.

I didn't post on Reddit.

I didn't send an email.

I didn't complain.

I moved on.

I didn't think I was owed something.

I was like, this is what this person wants to do in this moment.

Not for me.

Not every.

It's like watching the same TV show for fucking 13 years and being like, every episode,

every episode is going to be tailored specifically to my tastes.

It doesn't happen.

It just doesn't happen in the real world.

No, it doesn't happen.

I took it as, you know, I look at it from a point of view,

I want to look at it as a glass half full in that I believe the bar, the TSD bar

is so high.

that if anything anything that even comes a little bit below it, it sends people into like turmoil.

Okay.

And they're like they're ready to like jump off the cliff and

just be so like absolutely

lost their minds.

That's bad, huh?

It was crazy.

It was nuts.

It was lunacy.

You thought we

audibly recorded us raping puppies.

Yeah.

And, you know.

Audibly.

It was just nuts.

Make sure the recorder's going.

Yeah.

And that was, what, two weeks ago?

Yeah.

And how was last week?

Did you guys?

Last week's people liked.

That was the one you were on that you called in.

Oh, okay.

Is that dog thrown up or something?

What's he doing over there?

He's having a blast.

Yeah, he's

investigating that PVC

that was just introduced to the room.

He just noticed it two days into it.

What the fuck?

Yeah, so.

The next guests, I think, probably, shockingly, won't be as divisive as Nellie.

It would be Pam and Edgar.

Oh, yeah.

People have been waiting on that one.

Yeah, so I figure in the next, like, Walt's going to be away next week.

We'll still have an episode.

But Walt's going away to South Carolina next week.

Okay.

And maybe the following week.

Going with the Franks.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

All right.

Our annual.

Where are you going?

You want to say?

Yeah.

Ocean City.

Ocean City, sure.

Or no, Myrtle Beach.

Myrtle Beach.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

I would have shown up at the wrong place.

Ocean City, I've been to.

I don't think I've been to Myrtle Beach.

Myrtle, have you been to Wildwood?

Is he okay?

Oh, he's eating the napkin from the trash.

Yeah, that is.

Oh, we got dog issues.

Naughty.

Naughty.

Dog, naughty boy.

Have I been to Wildwood?

No, I said it's like Wildwood.

It's basically like Wildwood.

Yeah, Wildwood's fun, right?

Yeah, sure.

But we're on the way down.

We're going to stop and hit some, like,

some roadside attractions, a Smithsonian.

Do you own a Smithsonian?

Yeah.

Oh, which one?

There's more than one.

Well, which building?

Yeah, it's.

I only want to go to the one that has cool shit, like Fonzie's jacket or Archie Monkey's chair.

I'm not interested in anything like.

Yeah, that's a specific building.

Okay.

So you got to look that up.

It's good to know.

Oh, fuck, man.

I would have been focused on that.

Yeah, you would have been looking at space capsules and moon rocks and being like, what is this shit?

Where's Edith's dress?

Yeah, it's

Edith's.

Oh, Edith's.

Yeah, it's an interesting one.

That museum.

It's good.

Okay.

Yeah, I wanted to go, but like, we got the puppy, so Marybeth doesn't want to leave the puppy, and then Sage wants to just stay home and go swimming.

So I'm like, I don't know.

You can't just go without it.

I'd feel like it'd be weird.

Yeah, it would be weird.

Yeah, why?

I don't know, just two couples, and then Brian Johnson grousing and grumbling in the back seat as he does.

I don't want to go see Iath Stress.

Can I sit in the front?

I'm getting emotion sickness.

I wish I was home smoke a pot.

Yeah, that'd be better.

So, you guys are driving down with the Franks, right?

So, I'm wedged in between something in the back.

This is a volcano on your left.

Oh, yeah, volcano in my lap.

I'm like, anybody want to hit off this bag?

You leave a gathering once to go smoke weed and hang out at your house.

It never lets you forget it.

Because you announce it as if, like,

you guys are lame.

I'm going home, watch TV, smoke a pot.

Because I'm cool.

And you guys are nerds.

Smell a burnt rubber.

No, they're like, like, we went to, we went to the, I think we talked about this.

We went to the, um, what was it again?

The last, not Bradley's, last Kmart.

Oh, yeah, it was Kmart, New Jersey.

And then from there, they're like, let's go to the just a buck store.

The fucking dollar store.

I'm like, I don't want to go to that.

And I was like, all right, I'll go to that.

And then after that, they're like, hey, there's another antique store an hour from here I'm like fuck that I was like I said to Mary I'm like I think I'm gonna go home and just smoke and watch TV and then she had to be like guess what everyone guess what everyone guess what Brian's doing

he's not looking at antiques

well if you

come here you'll never guess what

why do you announce it though and you know what why are you why are you like well I have to go run and tell everybody what I'm gonna do Mary like why why are you so upset if she told us It's true.

Because now I got to hear from you.

If I wanted you to know, I would have told you.

Just tell Walt I got a headache, all right?

Don't tell him I'm going home and I'm smoking weed.

Don't tell him so emphatically if we're not talking about smoking weed.

Yeah, so uh

I mean, if if i if I did go by myself, I would bring down edibles anyway.

Yeah,

you're not gonna let me smoke in the car.

Yeah.

Those

magazines, the, the cut, are those extras?

I have extras.

Do you have extras?

Do you mind?

Because people

have been coming, because, you know, we've been touring, and at the end of the show, people come up to the stage and we'll sign stuff.

I've signed so many of those, and people are like, this is my favorite thing you guys have ever.

I've heard it twice.

It's my favorite thing.

It's awesome, man.

It's so good.

So I wanted to...

grab a couple because I only have two more tour weekends this year and then I'm I'm fucking done okay till sometime next year.

Well, when we're done, I'll run home real quick and grab

a box.

No, I meant I was gonna.

Those are all signed by everybody.

Well, that's what I want to do.

I want to get everybody to sign them.

It's two or three.

Oh, okay.

And I just want to give them away at the end to like any ants that come up the stage.

We're in Minneapolis and Des Moines and Kansas City this weekend.

And I think in July, I got another weekend.

So I'll bring one for each show.

And the first ant that comes up at the end, I'll give it to them.

Nice.

Nice.

Yeah, that was a Patreon gift for the Fire Ant here.

It was an old-fashioned

teen beat magazine.

If you haven't got one and you are in the $20 tier, you know, I'm going to have to reinstate that KMUS2 at Gmail address for maybe I'll keep it open for

a little bit.

I'm going to filter on it.

But

if you are a Fire Ant and you didn't get that gift, because that cycle's done, but hit me up and I'll look into it.

It's teen beat, but it's T-E-S-T-Be.

It's brilliantly designed.

It's just

makes a subject line.

This is good.

You don't don't want to hear any vets.

Why don't you just have the office manager filter your email?

Like, go through each one and vet them for positivity.

He can't even answer his own phone.

I can't trust him to answer my emails timely.

All right.

You know,

you text him, he doesn't answer.

But it's his job.

It's his duty.

You talk to him.

Maybe you can get through to him.

Maybe you can fucking reach.

He's at that petulant age

where everything's all his fucking joints are swelling.

And so is his fucking bravado as he talks back to me at all times.

What are you going to do?

Hurt me more?

What is with this dog?

Now he's going up on this.

Pizza box is up there.

Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

He's done.

Yeah.

Do you have issues like that at home?

I got a...

With Cooper?

Yeah.

No.

Raid in the garbage?

No, it's very unusual for him to be so brazen.

Maybe he's been

much.

I've got a page out of Giddam's book.

To like go up and try to get up on the couch.

Yeah, by watching him.

Eating napkins.

Like, fuck you.

Yeah, our puppy, who I was just telling Walt, like, I feel like I missed out on getting a puppy.

Like, we got one, and then a month later, I'm like, you're a dog.

How old is he when he got him?

Probably like five months.

You missed out on the puppy.

Missed out on the little puppy stuff.

And now he's just like.

You should see this video of him attacking Mary Beth.

Like, he jumps from the bed, leaps from the bed, and like on top top of her to like play.

It's like a cat, like a cat.

It's nuts how much this are you loving it?

Is it just oh, yeah, yeah, he's he's pretty great, although he's shit on the floor today because Mary Beth didn't take him out.

Oh, it's Mary Beth didn't take him out.

How come Brian Johnson didn't take him out?

She's like, I'm gonna take him out, and then she got downstairs and started doing something.

Smoke a pot, Mary Beth.

I can't take out the dog.

Smoke a pot.

I watch the dog.

If not, then fucking you take him.

I've got pot to smoke out there.

The TV took on Zoom!

The final episode of Trixie Motel is on.

What the fuck?

I smell dog shit.

Where's my Taylor Dodge?

Better not be any glass in a bitch.

She's already gone out for the day.

I'm just...

Yelling down the stairs.

There's a dog shits everywhere.

Really?

So he crapped on the floor, huh?

Crapped on the floor today.

Yeah.

Like, if you take him out, like, he'll let you know if he has to go out.

And then when you take him, he's usually good unless, like, what happened today, she forgot.

Or if you bring him out and there's any kind of strange or unusual noise, like a kid laughing, he'll get scared of that.

It's nuts.

This dog is scared of everything.

Which is weird because, like, we didn't get him until he was like, say, four months old.

Sure.

And

he was going to these adoption fairs.

So you feel like he would be pretty sociable.

A little acclimated.

Yeah.

You got a pussy dog.

I got a fucking manly dog.

Cooper's not afraid of nothing.

I'm afraid to introduce him.

Cooper.

No, he's a he, too.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Cooper will make him his she.

It's already happened, but I brought him over to Edgar's, and Edgar's dog hopped on top of him right away.

He must be your dog, Brian.

Edgar wouldn't ever have allowed that to go on with his dog.

I know.

Warren presented himself.

He was enticing Merlin.

Oh, sickening.

Jesus Christ.

I'm curious to see what you guys think about this, especially you, Walt, because I know you like Arnold.

Schwarzenegger?

Yeah.

I have been known to enjoy an Arnold

more so than the average person.

I think I have been also have found myself more forgiving of his missteps that he's made.

you know, or I'm like, well, what, cheating on his wife?

Yeah.

I was like, well, I love T2 so much.

I I can't fucking, I can't get too mad at him for fucking the maid.

Pork and an ugly maid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And even if he didn't have to do that.

That's the goodwill I thought, like, that's what I thought happened.

When artists give you shit you enjoy and a whole bunch of it,

if they fuck up once.

If they fuck up once, fucking the maid.

Okay, go ahead.

So you don't have to go nuclear.

That's what I thought happened when you built up so much goodwill over the course of time.

It doesn't matter.

It's gone.

Like that.

Like that.

Immediately.

How does that happen?

Why does that happen?

Like the Nelly interview was me fucking the ugly mate for some reason.

And I really got mad about it.

I enjoyed the show.

Like, this is my favorite character in the show.

I can't talk to her for an hour out of 13 years.

No.

Quickly, what's the math on 13 years?

How many hours?

Are in 13 years?

And I only asked for one hour of their time.

And you don't even, I didn't even ask for it.

You don't have to listen to it.

Well, there's, but let's not pretend that we put out 52 episodes a year.

Okay.

Because I know already somebody's ready to fucking bang that out on a fucking keyboard.

Don't pretend that you put out a weekly podcast.

Because you don't.

All caps, of course.

Exclamation points.

Are we still talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger?

But that's what I thought.

Like, those are the people that I adore.

Yes.

Where was the pass?

We got no pass.

Where the fuck were you?

We were neck deep.

We were floundering.

Where's our pass after all that goodwill, I thought?

No.

Why would you get a pass?

But why not?

What's he doing?

He's going crazy over there.

Because we're all yelling and shit.

He's loving it.

But yeah, like

I thought we had at least one banked, at least one good pass.

You don't think we've used our pass over the years?

Well, tell me where you thought we used it then.

Where I'm wrong, I'm like, oh, yeah, we used that pass.

If you can bring it up, an instance, I'll be like, yeah, yeah, you're right.

I mean, I can't.

Like, there's no doubt the novel

people would say is like, no, Mac and Clay came out well, though.

I mean, it was

chaotic.

It was chaotic.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Fuck him.

All right, let's hear what Arnold has to say.

Okay, so Arnold says he's talking to Danny DeVito,

and Danny DeVito says, what's in the future for us?

Why was he with Danny DeVito?

I think

he was doing like a podcast.

Oh, Interview Magazine.

He was doing a conversation with Arnold for Interview Magazine.

But what is, yeah, Danny, just because of the twins?

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, I guess.

He says it reminds me of Howard Stern's question.

Tell me, Governor, what happens to us when I die?

I said, nothing.

You're six feet under, and anyone that tells you something else is a fucking liar.

I said, we don't know what happens to the soul and all this spiritual stuff that I'm not an expert in, but I do know the body that as we see each other right now, we will never see each other like that again.

Who's saying this?

This is Arnold.

And he says that talking about that makes him uncomfortable.

Who said talking like that?

Daniel.

Arnold.

No, Arnold said it.

He's like, I don't like to talk about it, but this is the deal.

He's an atheist.

I guess so.

When people talk about I will see them in heaven, it sounds good, but reality is that we will never see each other after we're gone.

That's the sad part.

I know people feel comfortable with death, but I don't.

I'm sorry, but I don't know

what Arnold's opinion on the afterlife really matters.

Are you going to do T6?

That's all that matters, Arnold.

Just say yes.

Sign on the dotted line.

Do it real quick.

And that's all you should be talking about.

Get Cameron back on board.

And that's really what should be your agenda, not fucking telling us that there is no heaven

yeah and i don't think that people want to hear from him right well that's a guy who's just getting old and 75 can't think of anything but it but death at that point that could be it's a little bit of uh you know the realities hitting him in the face that you know like his better years are behind him he's trying to come to terms with things yeah yeah in the three-part netflix documentary arnold

he said that uh his wife maria shriver confronted him in 2011 through their marriage counselor.

She wants to know if you're the father of Joseph, the counselor said regarding Joseph, who was born in 1997.

Arnold said he thought his heart stopped, and then he told the truth.

Yes, Maria, Joseph is my son, noting that his then-wife was obviously crushed by that.

That's got to be a bad scene, man.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

What did you say?

Fuck.

Do you know about that?

But you know what?

Even though I don't like that Arnold is poo-pooing heaven,

I still love the guy.

Yeah, of course.

I still love the guy.

guy he's a fucking he gave me so much entertainment that i can never ever hold a grudge against him so one little comment isn't gonna send you spiraling no i don't care it's weird that seems to be the way things go like i said man

he's put so much goodwill in in the bank for me like he can fucking take he can borrow on it until fucking we're both dead you'd have to do something pretty serious yeah yeah personal almost right yeah yeah i think a lot of people feel that way

In real life.

In real life?

I think most people are like, I don't give a fuck whether he fucks the mate.

I don't think a lot of people are.

People got their own problems.

They're not too worried about what

the celebrities are.

What the governators up to.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What else do I got?

I got a couple interesting things, I thought.

Oh, congrats to Brian Rupert.

I finally had to write it down because he had a kid.

Like a shit.

Oh,

nice.

Alice.

Alice.

Alice.

Nice old-fashioned name.

Yeah.

Not too bad, right?

I like it.

Let's see.

What else do I got here?

I have.

What's going on here?

Oh, Walt, you'll like this.

Sad but nice.

I like sad but nice.

Uplifting.

An entire town turns out for a dying dog's last walk.

I knew that would get you.

That's tough.

That's rough.

Mello, the dog, had walked the streets of DuPont, Pennsylvania with his owner twice a day since September 2019, But then he was recently diagnosed with a fast-spreading lymphoma.

So before he reached Doggy Heaven,

the owner wanted to take him on one more final lap.

And he said there were at least 25 people on the first block, then there was another 20, then there was another 20, and that's the way it went

for the whole walk.

Everybody went out there to pet him and say goodbye to all kinds of shit.

It's sad, but

that's the kind of news that should be trending.

That's the kind of news that should kick off the nightly news.

Yeah.

Not all this horrendous negative shit.

People don't like heavy stuff, though, right?

Yeah, I think they do.

I just think that it's

algorithms, though, make you believe that the only way you can get seen or noticed is by being negative, though.

Outrage.

Outrage sells.

You even got free ice cream at ChooCho's, the local ice cream store.

Yeah, they got ice cream.

I mean, I think the, like, you know,

it's like

everybody would be a little happy, a little dog news.

A little dog news, yeah.

Uplifting news.

Yeah, I could get.

Uplifting dog news.

The kittens, I could start putting more kitten

pictures up.

If you do that, that'll help the world.

I got another set of kittens.

Wait.

How many kittens?

Four cats now.

Now there's four kittens out there.

Four kittens, okay.

Oh, why?

Did I already did it?

Yeah, I think last time you told us shit.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I thought I got more since then.

No, not yet.

Although it's going to come.

Fabio's out there fucking away.

Yeah, he's a little cute.

I was watching him through binoculars today.

Wolf, I'll take some pictures and I'll put them up.

Now, can the rest of your neighbors see you with the binoculars, or are you safely sitting in your house outside?

Yeah, yeah.

You'd be the talk of the neighborhood, though, if you let him talk.

The weirdo, yeah, let him talk.

Keeping Tom, yeah.

Those Hollywood perves.

Aren't they all

just staring at pussy through my binoculars?

I am.

Yeah.

So I'll get some of those photos up.

We'll make the world a better place.

So this goes on.

One fucking animal cliff at a time.

One at a time.

Yeah, exactly.

That's TSD's new mission statement.

Yeah.

Make the world a better place.

Yeah, I love it.

At a time.

One clip at a time.

Any way that we can.

Right.

I thought we were doing a Thenelian interview.

I thought people were doing it.

Yeah.

There was some good stuff that was like,

even Walt was like, damn, that's pretty cool.

Like, her mom was the voice of all these cartoon characters.

Don't get out of here, really.

Her dad was Liberace's manager.

Wow.

A lot of old 70s and 20s.

A lot of old Hollywood stuff.

So, what was people's complaints?

Who knows?

They said, well, actually, it was about her.

They said she talked too much.

But I'm like, why wouldn't you want

to?

Listen to me week after week after week.

I'm going to talk and let Nellie be quiet.

Yeah.

Was she happy?

Was she very happy?

I don't want to retread the whole thing, but where is she in the world?

Don't worry.

People won't mind.

No, no, no, no.

No, back to the kittens.

Back to the kittens.

What?

What?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Go ahead.

Keep talking.

Little secret fucking

actions between walls.

We have a secret.

Little hand signals that we've formulated over the course of working together.

We can go for hours without talking to each other.

We can just do little hand signals.

We know what.

We know what's going on.

It's usually a middle finger and a thumb pointing out the door.

Get the fuck out of here.

Oh,

man.

So

that's the dog love.

Let's see.

What else do we got?

Oh, there's a mystic, and we've been talking about this a lot recently, the end of the world, and the nuclear holocaust coming for 2023 says blind mystic

Baba Vanga, a blind mystic who allegedly predicted 9-11, is said to have foreseen a nuclear disaster that will ravage Earth before the end of 2023.

Baba Vanga is a blind Bulgarian woman who is rumored to have predicted some of the biggest events in history.

She died more than a quarter century ago, but some of her predictions are said to have come true long after her death.

Yeah.

What'd you think of the wildfires?

I thought

that could have been a sign of the end times.

I was in Manhattan for that.

I heard it was even worse in Manhattan.

It was pretty 9-11-esque.

Because

my office is down by the Trade Center, and it was just like you see, you saw smoke coming down.

Did you make Chuck come in during the smoky days?

Yeah, I did.

I said, get in there, my friend.

Yeah, it was pretty nuts, man.

It was Manhattan.

I'd never seen anything like it before.

Like, it was just yellow, yellow everywhere.

So it was pretty good, though.

It was pretty cool to see.

I mean, I heard it was like if you stayed outside for an hour, it's the equivalent of smoking six cigarettes.

But how much pot, though?

I took a train right up to the city.

I was like, all right.

Save a couple bucks.

Yeah, no, it was dangerous.

And, you know, of course, people are getting hurt and all this stuff.

But I mean, like, being in Manhattan, we just found like a quiet bar and just watched the sky turn yellow and shit like that it was kind of cool yeah i but i but even that like okay so if i have six cigarettes yeah

i mean what's it really gonna do to me though almost nothing right you can inhale an entire canadian wildfire it's a can only six cigarettes that's not that bad no no if you stay out there for an hour it's

a whole pack a day

so three hours about a pack right if you have asthma it's an issue oh yeah yeah it was uh well it's clean burn It's wood, right?

Like, house fires are all plastic.

That's what I was wondering, too.

I was like, well, how dangerous can this be?

I mean, it's not like it's all plastics, and it's like it's all natural.

It's not like the towers where it was all that asbestos.

Right.

I mean,

it's still

combustion.

Like, it's still not good for your lungs, but it's not like burning mattresses or whatever.

It fucks in house fires.

But it was pretty crazy.

It was like I took some pictures of them in half.

It looked like Crisis on Infinite Earths, right?

Yeah, it looked like that.

It looked like Mad Max.

That red sun was kind of cool, like Krypton.

But you hope things like that won't happen.

And you know what would be nice to have a fucking, like a warm day this summer?

You've been going in that pool, huh?

In the fucking 60s?

I was until it turned green.

Now I have nitrate problems.

Well,

I don't know why I don't listen to you at every turn.

I don't know why.

Would you tell him?

I don't even remember.

They're like, don't fuck with a pool.

It's going to just piss you off.

No, that's great.

Well, no, he's got to hire a pool person, though.

Well, I do.

I do have a pool guy.

Oh, but he can't get it right?

He can't get it.

Well, he got it right.

Beautiful.

And then they did another test because it turned green within a couple of days.

And they said there's too many nitrates, which I guess is like fertilizer, organic material.

So now I got to fucking empty out half the pool, fill it back up, do the test again to see if the nitrates are in acceptable range.

Because I guess like the chlorine bonds with the nitrates and it doesn't take them out.

So it's like you can dump as much chlorine as you want and it's not going to happen.

Okay.

It's just going to be green.

So if that doesn't work, then I got to empty the pool halfway and do it again.

And then I'm just converting over to salt, though.

Why don't you just convert to salt?

How much is it?

He said a couple thousand, but I've been reading online.

It's not that much.

And you can actually do it yourself.

Oh, great.

It's just a special filter, right?

It's a special filter, yeah.

We have the filter that can convert and all that shit.

Hey, yeah.

But now I guess.

Why are you willing?

Why not...

for once in your life, fucking stick it through.

Like, don't give up.

Don't give in.

What did I give up for?

Don't give in and go to salt.

You know, this is your challenge.

This is your fucking

fucking Mount Everest.

Salt is better.

That's what it's going to cost him.

But he's given up, though, because it's like a couple green batches of water and he's ready to throw the towel.

But otherwise, I'm going to be shoveling chlorine and other chemicals in all summer.

So it's like it's going to weigh out.

Like, either way, it's going to like...

The salt water will eventually pay for itself because you don't have to do all that shit.

You don't have to put all the chemicals in.

And there's nothing you have to do to saltwater.

No upkeep to it.

I don't think so.

Very literally.

There's no upkeep.

I mean, the guy comes once a week, cleans it up and stuff.

Yeah, my brother's a sucker, man.

He said that he's paying $140 for that every week.

$140 a week?

Yeah, for what?

To get his pool clean.

Which brother?

Eric.

Oh, he's got a pool.

Dr.

Eric.

Dr.

Eric, yeah, and get the water tested and everything.

$140.

Yeah, when you show up and you see the quality ID, Eric Johnson, M.D., yeah, you bumped that shit.

Here's an asshole for me.

My name comes up and says podcaster.

They're like, I guess it'll be 40 a week.

Yeah.

I also thought, this is my last thought for the day.

Do you remember Percy Ross from the syndicated column, Thanks a Million, Walt?

No.

No?

No.

It was this guy.

He was a self-made millionaire, and his name was Percy Ross.

And you could write into him.

Okay.

And it was a syndicated column.

It was all over the country.

And it would be like, dear Percy,

I have a son who wants to go on a school trip, but the budget is so tight I can't afford it.

I need $25.

I think you've talked about this before.

And he'll mail them $25.

And then he'll mail them $25.

Or it could be like, hey, Percy, I got my front tooth knocked out and I can't afford to have a new implant put in.

So like, can you send me $250 or $500 or whatever?

And Percy just decides to do it.

And Percy decides.

And it doesn't have to be.

So Percy plays God.

Yes.

And that's what I want to do with us.

Really?

Yeah.

I thought people could write in like, dear TESD.

And it doesn't have to be like, in fact, it shouldn't be like, I'm dying of this fucking disease that's going to cost 60 grand because we're not giving you that much.

However, stupid shit.

We will give you 50 bucks or 100 bucks for your little dumb stuff.

Okay.

Well, where's the money coming from?

I am not fucking reading those emails.

No?

No.

Get them.

You got a new job.

I know it'd be a hate email.

Like, you fucking suck if you give me $20.

Fuck you, KBs, too.

But yeah, you get to play God a little bit, you know?

Like,

somebody wants to send their son on a school trip, they can't afford it.

Yeah.

Oh, you know you're going to get one better.

Gesture TSD reaches out.

It's $25.

$25 for the fucking Museum of Natural History visit.

I mean, I know I wouldn't get anything out of it.

But I wouldn't want to stop you from getting something from it.

Is it doing good?

Like,

you're inviting your door open.

Listen to the parts of the area.

Yeah, why did you take my...

You know what?

Fuck all you guys.

We're not doing the Percy Ross thing because you'll look complain.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Smoke's a pot.