#533: Git Em’s Excellent Adventure

Yeah, it did a lot of the wacky shit, like like to party and drink, shit like that, you know.

Ben Franklin, he's like a rascal.

Ben Franklin made it so I could become enraged when the

electric goes out.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave, the podcast that rancor.com described as the funniest in the land.

I'm here with Walt.

Hello.

And I'm here with BQ.

That's nice.

I like being the funniest in the land.

The funniest in the land.

Number one, according to ranc.com.

And that is the only barometer I go by.

For everything.

For anything.

I need to know where something ranks.

I check ranc.com.

Oh, that's nice, man.

The ants really, they showed up for us, huh?

I guess so.

I don't know.

I'm not sure if it was a voting thing or a ranker.

Like somebody at Rancid it.

I don't know.

I'm not sure what the metrics were.

All I know, number one in the land as far as comedy.

I don't need to know their qualifications.

I don't need to know anything.

Nope.

I don't care if somebody hacked the site.

I don't give a fuck.

Do they rank other things, hence ranker?

Yeah, they rank lots of stuff.

Wow, okay.

So they rank like automobiles, maybe, and let's say.

Probably more like, no,

it's probably more like

consumers reports, I was thinking.

No,

probably more entertainment type shit.

No, I would think.

Hold on.

I'll check it out.

This is a new thing that people hate, old men Googling shit

while they're doing podcasts.

But fuck it, man.

We need to know what Ranker's up to.

How do people hate that?

You would think that.

You'd think they want you to be more prepped.

They're like, you shouldn't be looking this stuff up on air?

They think we shouldn't be doing that.

Right.

So that's what I'm saying.

They're like, you should have all this ready to go.

I should have a little prep.

And you would think after 12 years I would.

How would you anticipate?

Oh, no.

After 12 years, I would think you wouldn't.

I'm surprised.

I'm surprised they do.

You knew what you were getting when you fucking tuned in.

But how would you anticipate the question, though?

To know, I better have Rancor up?

Well, in my notes, I wrote Rancor.

Oh, yeah.

So, yeah.

It's kind of my fault.

Yeah.

Okay, Ranker, vote on everything.

So you're probably right, Walt.

Artists with the best 22 album releases, best American Founding Fathers.

Oh, my.

That's a touchy one, huh?

I thought that was.

Who's your favorite American founding father, Q?

Oof.

I mean, it's really tough.

I mean, if you're going to pick anyone, it's really kind of down to like Ben Franklin and George Washington, right?

I would think with you, it'd be Samuel Adams.

Yeah, I mean, those, those, those are the two, those are the two big ones.

Well, those are the two favorites.

Like, I guess they're the popular choice, but is there a dark horse for Q?

Not really.

I mean, Hamilton, you know, got the play, got the play made after him, the whole musical.

And I read his, that, that book that that play was based on.

It's like fucking this thick, and it's about his life.

And he was definitely a fascinating character.

But I think, in terms of like for people who purely did the best for the United States, you'd have, I mean, you know, George Washington kind of kind of let let us

freedom.

He's on the $1 bill for a reason, you know?

I didn't think you even cared about $1 bills anymore.

You have dollar bills?

I think you just feel like they can rain.

And Ben Franklin,

is he on any money?

Yeah, he's on the 100.

Oh, he's on the 100.

And is he on the president?

But he was the only guys who didn't make it to president that got on money?

Well, he wasn't a president.

Right.

He never got to a presidency.

Right, he never got to the presidency, but got on.

Well, you got Alexander Hamilton, yes.

Abraham Lincoln, yes.

Yeah, he wasn't president.

Who's on the 50, Jefferson?

I'm not sure, but I wonder what was it about Franklin that made him so vital?

Well, he was a great advisor.

You know what I mean?

He was like one of the guy behind a lot of the ideas of

the new country.

Grant.

And he wasn't power hungry.

And he was fun.

He was fun, huh?

Yeah, he did a lot of wacky shit, like liked to party and drink, shit like that.

Ben Franklin, he's like a rascal.

He was like the, was he the first American postmaster too?

Wow, this is fucking really interesting shit, man.

People are happy we're talking about this.

Can you go back to Ranker and rank Lizzo or some shit?

Yeah, so they got that.

Hold on, real quick.

Would a guy, let's say if we plucked him out of time, like a timeline and brought him to 2022, would he just be an average guy at this point, though, like an average intelligence?

And

would he be a standout, you think?

You think the population got smarter?

I just feel

that's your opinion of the world tonight.

I just wonder, like, if he was exceptional in an unexceptional era.

You think that era was unexceptional?

I mean, come on.

I mean, it's not like they were that enlightened.

Okay, all right.

Weren't they still worried about devils and witch trials?

They're still worried about that shit today.

What's changed?

I'm just not sure.

If we plucked him out, would he just be like any guy that you're like sitting at the bar,

you know, on a Saturday night in

Philadelphia.

Go Eagles.

So he doesn't do the kite and the key.

He doesn't do all that shit.

You know, it doesn't help craft the Constitution, the Bill, like none of that stuff.

He's just.

Yeah, maybe.

I mean, that's probably like today's just a lot of distractions, right?

Like, maybe he'd be too obsessed with Twitter or TikTok.

Who do you think is the great thinker today, Elon Musk?

I don't know about that.

Well, who is considered a good thinker?

Like a guy who like is like, that guy's a thinker.

Innovative.

Like if we traded Elon Musk and sent him back to 1776 and we took Ben Franklin, who's going to make a bigger impact?

I don't know that Elon Musk is the guy who

invents.

Doesn't he just see the pieces and put them together?

You know what we should do?

Have an electric car.

So let me buy, like, he didn't found Tesla.

He bought Tesla and turned it into what it is, right?

Okay.

So maybe I'm like, well, who's a great thinker then?

Like, who's a guy that's like, that dude's a genius?

Well, I mean, like, well, Carl Sagan's type-level people today.

That's alive.

What about Neil deGrest Tyson?

Okay.

We switched those two guys.

Right.

But all I ever see Neil deGrest Tyson ever do is just wag his finger at rappers and athletes for, you know, for saying the earth is flat.

Otherwise, I never hear this guy make any news about his thoughts and his papers.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, isn't he like the

stars and constellations and shit?

Yeah.

What's wrong with that?

I mean, you got to be aware of that.

I understand it.

I understand it's important, but really, at the end of the day, it's like, you know, those stars and

constellations are still up there.

And we still, nobody really knows what the fuck's going on up there.

How does it upload our daily life?

Yeah, Ben Franklin put some shit into place that is still important today, though.

Ben Franklin did it, so like I could become enraged when the electric, the electric goes out.

But I mean, the pool of discovery was so much larger back then.

You know what I mean?

Like now, like, so because of,

they're standing on the shoulders of people like your Ben Franklins and your, your Carl Sagans and stuff today.

I, but they're out there.

We just don't know their names because we, we don't fucking care.

No, we don't sell them.

We're part of the problem.

I'm looking up like great American thinkers right now.

There's not many.

Like current ones.

Name some of the ones that I'm going to give you.

I'm going to throw a curveball at you.

Okay.

Noam Chomsky,

Samuel Adams, Susan Sontag, William James, Ayn Rand.

Oh, these are, okay, these are dead thinkers.

Well, no, Noam Chomsky isn't dead, I don't think.

I think he's still alive.

Yeah.

But he writes books.

I tried to read a couple of his books, and they were just too dense.

It was like reading a textbook.

Okay, Kwame

Apia, Linda Elkhoff, Robert Adams, Louise Anthony, and Robert Arp.

These are all people who are American philosophers in the 21st century, not one of whom I've ever heard of, except for Noam Key.

What about Einstein?

Not in there.

Well, this is 21st century.

Okay.

So let me throw this curve while at you Q, the smartest person I know personally,

148.

We send him back to 1776.

We take Ben Franklin to 2022, make him our office coach.

And

who benefits more?

What timeline benefits more from having that switcheroo?

Ben Franklin brought here

suddenly exposed to modern advances.

His teeth get fixed.

You know what I mean?

All the sickness, the problems like they you know that he had to contend with a lot of them are not problems anymore so and then get him goes back

i i they might burn him at the stake i i don't know

like i don't know i i don't know that he would he'd probably work as a bar back in some like frontier town oh you don't think he'd make his way up to become like one of the great thinkers of his era

i mean with all due respect, I don't think he's done that in this era.

So, what makes you think he's going to go back and

you don't think he like in just in our little universe, which is only the only universe that you can

use as an example, you don't think he's the greatest thinker of the TSD town?

There's times I'm intimidated by him.

Really?

Yeah, he says something and

staring at your lunch or something.

And he looks at me and he like I should know this.

And like, and it intimidates me because he knows too much

and it's scary at times.

Here's the thing about Giddam.

Is he intelligent

or is he knowledgeable?

He's both.

He's both, I think.

He's both?

I think he's both.

Like he

sometimes plays with people because like a cat plays with a mouse, but with intellect.

Okay, toys with them.

Yeah, and just for his own like brief,

you know, just for shits and giggles, he will play with their

insuperior intellect.

You do the fucking same thing.

You troll people constantly.

But he's not.

Inferior.

Did you mean inferior?

What I said?

Not unsuperior.

You said unsuperior.

And this is why I'm intimidated.

Kenneth would never use that word.

So it's like, it would be like Bill and Ted almost, right?

Like when those guys came back to

when they when Bill and Ted brought all those historical figures back, they all added something, right?

Except for Napoleon.

He just wanted to go on a water slide.

They just told stories of their lives.

I don't know that they really

like they just were brought forward to do a book report.

They didn't really do much.

Yeah, I guess so.

So there's no benefit to bringing them back.

I don't think

the kids are those guys.

I mean, if there's somebody I would want to talk to, it would probably be Billy the Kid over over the other guys.

Over Ben?

Like,

yeah, because I could read about fucking Ben's life and stuff like that.

Billy the Kid, they don't really have all the facts about it.

And I'm sure he's got some cool fucking shootout stories and stuff like that.

You know?

Yeah, I'd like to listen to that.

Ben Franklin's like flying kites and shit.

I got zapped.

He made me no offense.

Is that your only thing?

That and Postmaster?

Those are the two things you got?

Although, I think, I will say Ben Franklin didn't own slaves, right?

Like, Like, that was one of the things.

I don't believe so.

He didn't know what?

He didn't own slaves.

So I think

he's a safe choice to say for 2020.

In 2022, you want to say Ben Franklin.

Yeah, I think so.

Sorry, I'll go with that.

Billy the Kid was just an

outlaw and murderer, but with some great stories.

He's got to have great stories.

I think getting with Blendon, I think he would thrive back then because

they got beer.

I don't know if there I don't know if there's anything he doesn't know about those the way that they did things back then I just think he would he's just a man at a time

get him get him yeah

he knows how to forge things in fire he watches the show constantly

has he ever done it or he just watches it like has he ever forged anything he told me he used to he used to have a fire pit in his by his house so he must know how to forget me too.

I ain't forging shit.

You think he

would go back in time and become a blacksmith?

No, I just think he could do.

I just think you could send him to do any trade.

He could shoe horses.

He could.

I mean, there's nothing the man couldn't do back then.

I think he could be like a president within four or five years.

He would be running for president.

He'd be one of the founding fathers.

Against who?

Who is he knocking out?

President eating spoiled chicken.

Could you tell the president to wear shoes in the White House, please?

History loves an eccentric dude, though.

Especially a president.

Like, if he's eccentric in any way, they play that shit up, and that makes him more human to the rest of the population.

Yeah.

I guess I have no choice but to accept what you're saying, Walt, because,

you know, you're the one that's in the office with them all the time.

You get, you know, and I recognize that Giddam has a superior intellect.

So you telling me that being around them all the time is intimidating.

I got to go what you say.

I can't, you're around them more than I am.

So if you think that he would do best back in time

and would be a founding father, get him,

then I just have to believe it.

But I just don't see it, though.

All kidding aside, I think you throw him back in there.

It takes about a week to get his bearings, and then he is

a mover and a shaker.

But what does that mean?

All right, so he finds him.

So what year are we going to talk about here?

What year was Ben?

1770s?

Well, like 1770s was when like all the, you know.

All right, we'll send him back to 1774.

Oh, okay.

And guess what?

And he's signing that paper in 1776.

Get him Steve Dave, the top fucking signature.

Declaration.

Yeah.

Safety always.

Get him Steve Dave.

That's how he signs a Declaration of Independence.

Now, is he going back with all his knowledge of the future, or are you talking about like a pure get him?

No, I think that's also his big advantage, too.

He has the knowledge of living in 2022 and

everything before that, so at his fingertips to use to his advantage.

But what is he?

What is he?

How is he?

He doesn't know how to make a computer.

He doesn't know anything about it.

I think you're wrong.

I think you're wrong.

You think he knows how to make a fucking?

China can't make transistors.

You think Giddam is going to fucking pull it together?

I wish he was here.

1774?

I don't know if he even needs a computer, though, because like I said, you don't want to come be labeled a Satan.

worshiper.

Right.

So he's got to keep his head down and not be too crazy with the things he says or reveal too much about his time traveling knowledge.

And he's so smart, he would just give them just enough.

Does he know anything about the Revolutionary War?

Oh, yeah.

Like I could see if you sent someone back there who knew how battles went and how he could like,

you know, work that to his advantage, but the guy doesn't know anything about.

I've never once heard him discuss the Revolutionary War in any way.

Were all the founding fathers soldiers?

No, not all of them were soldiers, no.

Yeah, so I don't think he needs to go out into the fields and blow some red coat's head off to make his way into

government.

It would go a long way in showing his earnestness.

But then what does he bring if he's not bringing tactics

during wartime?

Well, that's what he has a knowledge of history, so he can steer things and kind of make people go like, holy shit, he was right about that.

And this came to be as well.

And holy shit, Giddam was right about this.

Let's make him king.

King of America.

I think he got caught up in telling one of his boring stories and we'd be invaded.

He would be able to tell you about that.

Paul Revere is useless.

Paul Revere doesn't even come to light anymore because Giddam already knew he was coming.

They were coming.

Oh,

huh?

What month?

Giddam those.

He does.

Why are you

dismissing Giddam's knowledge about world history?

Because I don't think he knows the exact night that Paul Revere rode, did his famous ride.

By the way, he wasn't the only person.

There were other people.

None of them just got the credit.

That's true.

Were there other people riding with him?

Yeah, I was not with him.

They went different directions.

One guy fucked up completely.

Another guy made it pretty far.

And they didn't see the headless horseman that night, right?

That's a different tale.

That was

a little later.

That was like Civil War stuff.

Yeah.

Paul Revere is the guy with no head.

Paul Revere.

Let's see.

Oh, no, not Paul Revere and the Raiders.

You a big fan of those guys, Walt?

No.

A little too poppy.

Yeah.

Let's see.

Born in 1734

and died in 1818.

Okay, can Giddam do all this shit?

Silversmith, engraver, industrialist, sons of liberty member, patriot and founding father.

He's best known for his midnight ride to alert the colonial

militia in April 1775 in the approach of the British forces before the Battle of Lexington and Concord.

This is all this shit.

Like, I don't know any of this shit.

Like, I've read it,

but I haven't learned it.

Well, that's the truth.

It's hard to retain it.

Giddam has read it and retained it, though.

Yeah, I'm not good at retention.

Yeah, he retains.

Like I'm there?

No, he's not here yet.

He'll be here.

I'd love to give him some.

We'll ask him before we end this episode.

He'll probably be here.

Great.

But sorry, rancor.

We're still not going to be able to do that.

How genius of a guy can you be, though, to like

your job as office coach laboring under the heavy thumb of Walt Flanagan?

I just.

Like, why is it either a fucking rocket scientist or like starting Tesla Plus or something?

There is crossroads in everyone's lives and unfortunately there's been a few crossroads that he took the wrong path that has set him back.

And if one

correct choice at a crossroads and we never even meet him and he's

he's he's hobnobbing with fucking Elon Musk.

Elon Musk and

Bill Gates and

now he's making policy.

He's a visionary, you're saying.

He's smart.

I don't know if he's a visionary, but

he's smart as a whip.

And he's so smart, like I said, that at times he makes you feel like when he looks at you, like.

Like you're a different species or something.

Yeah, like you're inferior.

Fire his ass.

I don't need somebody like that around the office.

But the things that he solves, like the things that he solves, though, I'm like, I can't get rid of him.

I mean, he just, you know, he saved so much work and time by just by looking at something and breaking it down.

And

it's,

he's an asset.

You don't get rid of an asset like that just because you're intimidated.

That's what weak, simple men do.

Right.

I'm ready to get rid of him.

I'm done with this guy.

Yeah, he did come up with the French cleat.

Well, he didn't invent it, but.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

But I mean, like, if you were like, hey, can you make a French cleat for this fucking poker table?

I'd be like, no, I can't.

You're going to need to find somebody who can.

I don't even know what a fucking French cleat is.

Like, I'd never heard the term until he made it.

Well, too, that thing

is.

What is a French cleat?

It's like this, it's like these, it's like a tooth and groove kind of thing that you use to hang stuff up.

Like, you use the weight of the object.

Oh, I got one of those in my house.

Yes, I like it.

You like the weight of the object to keep it steady or whatever.

So

that's how that poker table's hanging up in the studio is he made a French cleat for it.

Got it.

Okay, Okay, maybe, you know, maybe I'm wrong.

But like, what were those crossroads?

No, go ahead, Keith.

Crossroads?

Yeah, I just want to see if Steve recognizes where he made the wrong choices.

Probably like, you know,

skipping out on college, not finishing.

I believe the really, I think women have been his downfall and have set him back tremendously in terms of like, you know, relationships that didn't go the way he thought they were going to go and they stunted him.

Which, I mean, wasn't Einstein like a real, like,

you know, wasn't he affected by his women and his relationships?

Yeah, I believe so.

I think there was one particularly.

You know, I saw like, you know, smart men, you know, can be taken down by, just like any man, you know, by a bad woman.

Look at Tom Brady.

Just saying.

I'm not saying anything about myself.

Oh, no.

I'm done.

I'm done.

There was a lot of backlash.

So I'm Team Giselle.

Tom Brady needs to hang it up.

Why are you playing football, Tom Brady?

Yeah.

When they start coming after you personally,

plus I haven't got any kind of recognition from Tom that he even heard any of my comments.

So

I can't put myself out there like that without any kind of recording.

You got some emails?

Huh?

You got some angry emails?

Yeah, yeah.

And once I were rightfully, like, I think

I would take back some of the things I said regarding, like,

I misspoke, and I definitely spoke in a time when I was kind of, my dander was up.

And it doesn't happen a lot lately when my dander gets up, but it kind of clouds my thinking process when the dander's up.

But I said that, like,

she destroyed a family.

And that is a horrible thing to say on my part because just because somebody, just because someone doesn't

comes from a divorced family, doesn't mean the family is destroyed.

I, of all, should know that.

Right.

My parents didn't stick it out.

So I don't know what, you know, I was thinking and I was getting all caught up in my ire and everything, and I definitely take that back.

And

that was a statement that was definitely, if I could, that was wrong.

Because it doesn't destroy a family.

But I guess it destroys the

living situation, but not the family, though.

It does many times.

Let's not kid ourselves.

Divorce fucks up a family lots of times.

Yeah, but it also is healthier, though, than the alternative.

Right.

There were many times where, like, I wish my parents would have gotten divorced because they fought so much and then it like spills over to us.

And I'm like, my God, I just don't, I don't want to hear this anymore.

I wish they, like, I wish they would get divorced.

That's tough.

Yeah, that is tough because I believe that a lot of people who grew up in homes like that realized the peace and tranquility that came once the parents finally decided

to call it quicks.

Right.

Probably did put a lot of peace and tranquility into the household.

Because a lot of people do that, they're like, oh, we got to stay together for the kids.

It's like, you're a lot of times you're not doing the kids any favors.

Yeah, I'm I

I mean, I didn't have any problems like that, but boy, I would have I would have went through anything now to not to not have uh and again, but it it doesn't mean it everybody's situation is different.

I shouldn't even talk about it.

I am the so the worst person in the wrong, you know, to talk on such weighty subjects as divorce and the ramifications it has on everybody involved in a family.

What are you going to do?

I think get him here.

You want to hear him?

Want to hear him?

I would love to hear him.

Bust something knowledgeable?

You want to do an ad real quick?

Yeah, sure.

Why not?

I would love to talk about Q.

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That is

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Yeah, balls out, as they say.

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What an end for Brian Johnson.

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Get him.

I will try to add you.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to, though.

So you might have to talk into that waltz mic.

Can he hear Q?

If he plugs out in, he can.

Yeah.

All right, everybody.

Sorry for this.

We're recording this on Sunday, so I'm not going to be cutting this out.

You're going to have to just bear with us for a moment.

Oh, we got to entertain while this is happening?

All right.

Yeah.

Here, plug that in, get him.

All right.

Sorry, and the recording on Sunday is my fault.

Well, we did the Halloween episode this week.

We recorded Tell him Steve Dave Halloween.

We have two episodes this week.

Yeah.

And the that's

in person.

Once, yeah, once, for some reason with this board, once you start going, you cannot add another channel.

I don't know why.

But we're about to hear from, we were talking about what if we sent you back to the 1770s and we took Ben Franklin in your stead.

Who makes out better?

The people of yesteryear or

the people of the future?

Oh, definitely the people of yesteryear.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think you have what it takes to be a founding father?

Not that but i have the knowledge of so many varieties of subjects that i think i could be very beneficial and you know helping create the wing the internal combustion engine things like that but they did it without you yeah but i think it's earlier earlier now yeah

so henry ford never becomes henry ford then uh he might well you're gonna you're gonna change a lot of shit well henry ford really i think it was his thing was making the in uh in you know not even making the assembly line but like perfecting it and making it it work and just being like like he took all the reach all everything that was cut off the model t was burned and then sold as uh kings ford charcoal so kings for charcoal is thanks to henry ford

i was not aware of that you're right waltz i'm intimidated

yeah all right but can you can you give me an example of

all right so you find yourself in 1776 right yes

the the revolutionary war is breaking out Yes.

What do you have?

Can you just give me some, and I'm not doubting you, my friend.

Can you just give me some examples of what information you could bring to bear that would be helpful to them?

Well, things like rifling for muskets for improved accuracy.

What do you mean?

Like what?

That you just said something?

How?

Well,

you need a, you know, certain metals are harder than other metals, so figuring out the rifling pattern and how to draw it out was a process.

What would metal stronger than other metal?

Things like a tungsten blend or

what's a tungsten blend?

It's a tungsten.

It's a mineral.

It's a tungsten.

It's like what you're doing.

Just got you on the ropes, Q.

It's like what?

Well, he hasn't answered a single fucking thing yet.

Where do you get tungsten?

What mineral?

Where are these minerals?

They're in the ground.

But I can.

people don't have that track of mind to go they're just like okay, I'm gonna make steel I'm gonna make iron

and I can say hey, you know, wait a minute, you know if you do this It'll be a little bit stronger you add these like you add chromium into the into the mix, you know Where do you get chromium?

Again, you dig it up Where?

It's right in your backyard.

Yes, Pennsylvania is known for its mines.

I mean Pennsylvania's steel country for a reason

Look I'm not saying I'm not saying I have all the answers but I can throw forth ideas and you farm that out to the people who are not who are completely knowledgeable in that subject and they can perfect it

but how do you get people to live what's what do you wow them with that makes the like the first thing that that blows their fucking balls off and they're like we got to listen to this guy I'll throw hold on wait before you answer though I also want to say the same thing to Ben

Let's knock our balls off Ben what do you got like fucking electricity

strength.

Now you sound like all the fucking maniacs out there today who love to judge the past because, like, you know, it's easy to judge the past.

They're not here to defend themselves.

You don't know what you would do in that situation.

And

let's be honest.

Ben Frank would get canceled probably nowadays with his views of

other people

and their value as human beings.

I thought we determined that he was not a slave owner.

Was he a slave owner?

I'm not sure he was.

I know he liked to dabble.

From what I understand, he liked to dabble in the

prostitutes.

Well, no, but in

slave women.

Did he like black ladies?

Oh, okay, and he took advantage of that.

Yeah.

Okay.

I see what you're saying.

Now, we've got to check that fact before we send it to you.

I know he's smirching poor Ben Franklin.

I maintain that you would be.

We send you back to 1774.

We take Ben, we send you back.

You're on the Declaration of Independence.

You sign it.

You're on there, and you are a mover, a shaker, and it's not long before you are

dead of smallpox.

You're on the ballot to become president.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'd think I'd be more low-key.

Yeah, I would be a hanger on and

sign the Constitution.

I'd put my get him Steve Dave on it.

I'd go safety always.

Get him Steve Dave in the Declaration of Independence.

But what's the worst?

You still haven't given me the plan.

Like, what's the wowing factor?

Like a Elon Musk.

How do you prove yourself?

Do you announce that you're from the future?

Oh, no.

No.

Okay, so then what do you do?

Like, somehow you get an audience with George Washington.

What I do is.

How do you prove your

situation?

I

land.

Boom.

Okay.

I set myself up.

I see what deficiencies there are out there that I can use my knowledge of the future to improve.

And then I start improving them.

And I build up a small fortune.

And then much like Elon Musk, which is exactly what he does,

you know, then he gets an audience with the president.

But what is the thing?

You haven't, all you told me is some broad plan.

What's the thing that gives you all that money?

Again, I didn't say it was one thing.

I say it'd be multiple things.

I would have to.

Okay,

give me one then.

If there's multiple, that's even easier to give me one of those.

What was that tongue?

He owns a tungsten mine.

He told you about the tungsten.

And you dismissed it out of hand, like it's like, it doesn't mean anything to you.

It's like

ear out the other ear for some reason.

And then, plus,

once you find tungsten, you can create the tungsten filament, which allows you to make a light bulb.

Ooh, that's fine.

Now you're Thomas Edison.

Rather than Thomas Edison

finding 2,000 things that didn't work, I find it on the first try.

Where?

Again,

that is up to miners.

That is up to diggers.

I point and they follow.

Okay.

Much like you do in 2022.

Yeah.

Like I said,

I don't know right now.

I would have to get on the scene and say, okay, I could fix that.

I could fix that.

I can make this a little easier.

You know, with my knowledge of documentaries and stuff.

And I mean, all you got to do, all you have back then is time.

Just to let you know, Walt, tungsten steel was identified as a new element in 1781 and first isolated as a metal in 1783.

So your big thing is

slicing four years off the fucking timeline.

Every little bit helps.

Yeah, but you still don't even know where it is or where to find it or what to do with it.

So like you're not just going to land there and do it.

You're probably going to need those four years to figure that out.

That's just one type of hardenable.

That's just one type of hardenable steel.

Or hard, you know, I'm sorry, a metal that's harder than steel.

And I'd like to point out that the guy who discovered tungsten, he was Spanish.

So, you know, so now you're appropriating science from other people and taking the credit for yourself.

You think that's fucking cool, bro?

The Toledo region of Spain is well known for its metallurgical

skills.

Makes a lot of, made a lot of fine swords, still do to this day.

Yeah, but you're stealing that from them.

I'm not stealing it from them.

It's called co-opting.

Before he does, doesn't mean it's stealing.

Two people invented the telephone.

Of course he does.

Two people invented the telephone at the same time.

Just Alexander Graham Bell got to the patent office first.

Yeah, but you didn't invent shit.

You read a textbook based on the work of this guy

and went back in time and used his own knowledge to fucking

steal his life away from him.

I stood on the shoulders of giants and became even more gianter.

No, but no, you kicked the legs out of the giants.

You fucking kneecap them.

You know you would do the same thing, though.

In the same situation, you would use all your knowledge at your disposal, regardless of who gets lost to history then or who becomes forgotten or whoever.

Who gets the credit?

Yeah, you know, you would do the same exact thing.

So now

you're trying to rob me.

I don't know what you're saying.

I'm fumbling and bumbling and trying to find a way to be like, okay,

you're taking this guy's credit as if.

You stole his tungsten.

And I'm not looking things up on an iPad right now.

I see the reflection off your forehead.

But what about

your horse knowledge?

That's more my father's.

Because they didn't have any of that back then.

Eli Smith, can you forge things?

I know you watched The Shot.

I watched Forge and Fire.

I think with enough practice, yes, I could figure out the bellows and the

like how to make a Damascus steel, which back then is unknown.

It was lost to history.

It still kind of technically is.

We still don't know how true Damascus is made, but we make a Damascus-esque

steel.

Let me look that up.

Is your ego in check enough that you could work as an apprentice for a couple years?

Oh, if it meant surviving?

Yeah.

I am not below subjugating myself to, you know, horrible conditions in order to survive.

And working for inferior intellectuals.

No, no, not necessarily inferior.

Just

different.

Just superior in one area and not superior in other areas.

You know, respect.

You have yet to lay out any sort of benefit to you being back in time.

Like you're saying, like, yeah, I could chew horses and I could fucking do, but people were already doing it.

I didn't say I could chew horses.

Walt said that.

Yeah.

Okay, but what are you doing that people aren't already doing?

Again, I would have to

boots on the ground, figure out where the deficiency are and what I can do in my little part to make a success out of that.

And yes, you should know it already.

This is all history.

You already know how it played out.

So why do you need to figure out what you can do?

You already know what happens.

But as soon as you change one thing, it's a cascade forward that the future starts to change.

It's called the butterfly effect, Q.

Yes.

Butterfly flaps its wings in Beijing and there's rain in Minnesota.

Q's getting a fucking education today.

His eyes are spitting.

I promise you they're not.

It's like chaos theory that was seen in the hit movie Jurassic Park.

Yeah, so you think a smart person would be like, let me go back in time and like not make a fucking impact, not bluster around town telling everybody how fucking great you are

or i could start rewriting the greatest historical books of all time you know it'd be get him steve daves frankenstein get him steve daves dracula

you think those were when do you think those were written um before 1777 no

oh they're 1800s right yeah i think like mirror and i'm gonna say mary shawli was like late 1800s yeah yeah she was victorious

middle women can you write all that shit from memory i I would start small and then get...

So again, he's stealing Frankenstein from a fucker, the woman who wrote it.

This is like the plot of one of the Austin Powers movies, right?

He was going around.

Get him Steve Day's diary, where I tell my tale of

Nazi Germany.

Yeah.

I could put warnings on.

So all you're going to do is your plan is to go back in time and just steal from other people.

Yes.

As if that wouldn't be your plan.

It wouldn't be my plan.

That would definitely be your plan.

So you would not improve firefighting techniques if you went back in time?

No.

Oh, you just let people die?

What are you going to do then to make your mark and not to just sit on the side of the road and die of scurvy?

Think of your

stuck tacking.

Victim of Indian violence.

Yeah, but you know, I know you.

You would be, you'd be, no matter what it took to make sure that Q survives, you'd be taken from this person, that person, she, he, whoever, indigenous or not, it's like Nikki's got the plan.

Scorched earth.

Oh, fuck yeah.

He is every night he's going down to Yeo pub and he's schmoozing up the ladies with these stories and they're like, oh,

tell us more, yes.

We just know how to practically joke.

I think I go to Staten Island and I buy huge tracts of land.

Where are you getting the money from?

Yeah.

I got to work, man.

I

I got to work.

I got to work on a schooner or something like that.

It's not just as easy to write a Frankenstein novel and be like, here you go.

BQ's Frankenstein.

Well,

is Ginnem able to bring this shit back with him?

Like,

can you just bring a Frankenstein novel back with you and just transcribe it?

Oh, you're like Terminator?

Terminator.

So, yeah,

I know the broad swaths of the story.

I would think you and Ben look almost the same.

I don't think he had a nice

from the back side.

If his back view, I probably couldn't tell you guys apart.

Yeah,

I know that ass.

Wow, wow.

I mean, bifocals.

Ben Franklin invented bifocals, didn't he?

Boom, that's my idea now.

He comes into the general store and goes, Look at Walt, bifocals.

You're like, yeah, we've had those for 300 years now.

Get him.

You're on money, then you're on currency.

American currency.

Well, how, like, how it's all about the getems, baby.

does he does he

is he immortal going back

now he's gonna live out if he's got only 20 years left he's only got 20 years left back then

i think i would be uh i have the king's disease i have gout that would put me in high stature because oh you know he must be

i could claim i have amnesia and i i came over on a boat and was knocked out by a uh

somebody on a schooner who's trying to steal my ideas

And I remember who I was.

But look, I have gout, so I must be important.

And then, oh, okay, yeah, he must be.

Do you know how a single battle in the Revolutionary War went?

Like Gettysburg?

Was that Revolutionary?

Bunker Hill.

Gettysburg?

Gettysburg?

Okay.

No, no, Gettysburg is a simple one.

Cue's out.

Q's out.

What about Bunker Hill?

By the way, how did the Battle of Gettysburg go?

Fine, I'll take it.

Not well.

After the third day, it really did not go well.

What do you mean?

Could you expand and elaborate?

Well, it did not go well for the South.

You know, they thought they had it, but they didn't.

What more do you need?

Well, what more do you want?

Would you.

You're going to say it went well for the South?

It didn't.

What I do is

I go and find

Mel Gibson.

But you can't.

And I make him a gentleman.

World War II didn't go right for the Germans and have that cover the whole fucking history.

You can't just say that.

Again,

I'm not saying I'm an expert in all these fields.

I have some knowledge.

Okay.

Yeah.

And when it comes to warfare, I don't.

Have you ever read alternative histories?

He hasn't.

Sure, yeah.

Like where somebody else won the war and then all of a sudden, yeah.

I read a book.

It was called Guns of the South.

And basic plot is: from the future, they give the Confederate Army AK-47s, and they end up winning the war.

So, how's that going to serve you at all?

But what I'm saying is that one small change, they just gave them a different type of game.

Fucking massive change.

That is a small change.

Well,

they gave them a different type of gun, and it turned certain battles, and they won the war.

And so, like I said, a little change just affects it forward.

So, I might have to not know about World War II because it may never happen thanks to the peace that I set forth.

And you're probably going to be dead by the time World War II hits.

Well, then he could say that to me.

What?

You're not talking to me.

You're talking to him.

No, talking to you.

Yeah, you're asking about World War II, but he doesn't need to know anything about that.

He will never make it to 1942.

Well, he could warn people.

He could be like no streets.

He hasn't even fucking mentioned a single battle from the Revolutionary War, which is what we're talking about.

Let's throw out a battle.

Battle of Mammoth.

Yeah,

with Molly Pitcher.

I know who Molly Pitcher is.

Okay, that's a battle?

The Molly Pitcher battle?

No, it was a Battle of Mammoth.

What happened at the Battle of Monmouth?

We kicked English ass.

We kicked those damn English's ass.

USA, USA, USA.

Okay.

Used to be sold, it doesn't look like.

I'm not sure that the Battle of Monmouth went that well for us.

Oh, hold on a second.

Sorry.

I don't know.

I don't know.

But all right, okay.

You know what?

You sold me.

Get him.

You got me.

I'm done.

You did it.

You did it.

Thank you, Gidham.

And you can invite Ben Franklin to your next premiere, season premiere.

Well, nobody will know who he is.

He's removed from history, so he'll just be like Q's weird old uncle.

Who Ben Franklin?

Yeah.

Who Walkster with the turkey for some reason?

Why is he not the weird nephew?

I would think he he looks way older than Q, Ben Franklin.

Oh,

I thought you were talking about Giddam.

No, in every picture, he looked like a.

Oh, yeah.

You've never seen Ben Franklin as a young guy.

There's no portraits.

He's always old.

What the hell is that?

I don't know.

We got all kinds of fucking tech shit going on.

No, it's because I can't shut the volume off on my computer for some reason.

Oh, so you got like email or something.

So every time something bings or boops, it comes through because I can't.

Like the volume buttons just are disabled.

It's very odd.

I don't get it.

Bet your president Gidham could fix that for you.

Yeah.

Well, Bethany, I would love if he could.

Yeah, we know.

We did know that much.

Okay.

But thank you, Kim.

Thank you for setting the record straight and affirming what I knew to be true.

School and Q.

That you would make hay

in 1774, and so much so that I think you'd be sitting in the Oval Office at some point.

Yeah, like I said,

I don't know.

I think you're just too humble to say it.

Maybe like vice president, secretary of state, something, you know.

You don't want all that pressure.

Yeah.

Yeah, because they're out gunning for you, though.

You know, John Wilkes Booth.

Yeah.

You know any of that shit on your head.

Top target.

Six Siris Tyrannis.

Oh, Latin.

That's how a genius walks out of it.

That's how he drops the mic with a little Latin.

Yeah.

This might be

the worst episode of Telemuse.

We're going to lose listeners after this.

Why?

Why do you say that?

Because he rambled about nothing.

He said nothing.

The only amusing thing he said was all about the Gethem.

That was a fucking funny one.

But other than that, nothing came out of that.

Nothing.

You weren't impressed with his tungsten knowledge?

He doesn't fucking know what's going on.

He doesn't know whether he's coming or going this fucking guy.

So you're saying Walt should not be intimidated then?

I think Walt.

No, look, I love Getem.

Getham.

I just think that in this, this might not be his lane, is all I'm saying.

Replacing Ben Franklin may not be his lane.

Yeah, it might not be what he's supposed to be doing.

Like, if you told me he went back there and, like, you know, became like the town beer tester or even like the town fool, I'd be like, all right, that seems pretty good.

Like, he could do it.

He could stand in the middle of the fucking four crossroad dirt roads and just do his, like, dancing fucking horse routine acts.

You know what I mean?

mean like yeah they'd be like he's soft-headed so the village would take him in and love him

that's what he would do because he would he would be branded as as insane if he's like if he mentions at all that he's from the future he's like I got this fucking idea for some tungsten that's not gonna like it's not gonna materialize for the next couple years but I'm ahead of the game

yeah he didn't mention helping humanity really at all it was mostly I gotta be honest I think humanity would be the second thing on my list to help it would be myself oh fuck yeah.

I got to make sure that I can survive.

So, like, then I'll worry about humanity and improving things once I get myself situated where, you know, I'm in the driver's seat, you know, and I can,

you know, thrive with my, whatever knowledge I have to

utilize in 1774.

But how far would you want to take it, though?

You just want enough to just to survive, right?

Well,

if I can make the world a better place,

I mean,

wouldn't I be obligated to do that?

But why don't you feel that way about living in this time?

Because

I don't have enough knowledge of the future

to change anything.

I would only have my gut.

And I've been wrong a lot about things.

These things I wouldn't be wrong about, though.

No, it's Team Brady.

I was looking at me.

I was wrong.

The people turned on me.

So So I don't want to go in there and just like

do anything based on a gut assumption.

I would want to base everything on my knowledge of the future.

I see.

Okay.

All right, what would you do, Brian?

You find yourself in 1778.

Back then,

I'm looking towards enriching myself.

I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to do it, but I want to hobnob with the right people.

I don't know when the stock market started, probably not back back then.

I don't think it started till the 1800s.

Uh, but I want to do anything that I could set myself up and then future Johnsons

because the past Johnsons have fucked everything up to the point where there's no like, like we used to be landowners and shit, and they used to have money, and then they've just fucking squandered it.

So, but that may mean though that your father may be in a different social circle, though.

Sir Edgar, sir, and he never meets Pam.

Oh, so now I'm

out of the picture.

Yeah, these are things you've got to consider, though, if you're only going to be worried about the Johnson name.

I hadn't considered that.

Because your father now will be,

you know, be rich, and he won't be dating the town.

Oh, you think my mom's not good enough for a rich guy?

Is that what you're saying?

Oh, just like she, they both came from the same socio-economic background.

Right.

Now, all of a sudden, your father is.

He's Musk.

Yeah.

And is he going to be dating,

let alone marrying

a poor, not poor, but you know, a girl from a small town in Highlands who.

He better not.

I didn't do all that fucking work so he could go and marry a commoner.

Better fucking marry somebody hot and rich.

I don't need the Johnson fortune diluted.

There's a theory of time travel that states that everything that happened happened, and you could never actually change the past.

So

even if you went back in the past and and did all that stuff, that's already happened in our timeline.

We just don't know it yet.

So, whatever you tried to change in the past, you fucked up, and it led exactly to where you are now.

You know what I mean?

Like, there's no changing anything.

Everything that happened happened.

So, you did go back in time already.

You just don't know it yet.

And you did try and enrich the Johnson family line.

And it ended up at that same flower show with Edgar and Pam

getting to know each other.

So, it's like, so,

you know,

I could be kind of like you said, like, like, I'm sorry, go ahead.

I'll go back.

No, no, no.

I kind of subscribe to that theory.

I know it's less fun, but

maybe Edgar, again, is this affluent

bigwig in whatever world he, you know, roams in in 1966.

Yeah, probably around there.

But

he thinks, oh, I'll just have this,

you know, an evening with this, this poor,

you know, towns girl who.

Oh, hit it and quit it.

Never anticipating, you know, that, you know, that, you know, she would come.

Here I am.

Oh, great.

So no matter what you did,

your father and mother find their way to have you, no matter what, no matter how much effort you go to trying to change everyone's situation.

Damn.

Why'd I bother?

just one theory just one theory

maybe like could you rob a bank maybe

get some of quick cash i mean banks seemed easier to rob back then

you'd probably have to kill someone yeah you'd probably have to go and like like somebody would somebody would step up and be like oh no you don't outlaw and i'd have to blow them away Yeah, I don't want to kill anybody.

That doesn't seem worth it.

But I'll bet you they're way easier to break into as well back then.

They probably had one go

knock him out.

Just crack him on the back of the head and that's that.

Movie style.

Or think about it like.

Go ahead.

No, go ahead.

I was going to say, maybe you could dig into underneath like a cavernous

trail underground to get into the vault.

It's a lot of work.

Well, you got time.

I go back to the fucking 80s and stuff like that where I know I could just buy Apple stock and Google stock and

you're going to get pick your time that you're the year you're going to then.

Well, no, no, no, no.

If I'm stuck in the 1700s, I'm probably,

I don't know, I'd have to see.

I'd remember some things from New York history.

I believe I would remember enough from New York history to at least make a dime in a cent.

And from there, I could fucking buy tracts of land on Staten Island.

You know, maybe, maybe even just the tracks that I.

You would have to become like an industrialist.

What happened?

Hold on, one second.

I think I lost them.

Oh, boy, today is not a great time.

I'm fucking for technology.

I think we have a good difficulties today.

Hold on.

Apologies.

I don't hear you guys now.

I'm going to call Q back.

Hello?

Yeah, I just dropped out for some reason.

Hold on.

All right, I got you back.

Woo, fucking technical difficulties today.

Usually the Zoom tech problems and misinformation.

Misinformation.

Get him.

No way.

This is what you guys get intimidated by

his superior intellect.

And this is how you deal with it.

Dismiss him, make fun of them.

And

that's how you remain alpha dogs.

You don't ever want to show any kind of like...

I show my belly.

Yeah, you're just, that's how you guys are built, though.

And

that's how you guys roll.

And no matter what he says or does, you'll find

a way to tease him about it.

If I look up on Wikipedia one day and it's like tungsten was discovered by Get him Steve Cabe, then I'm going to give give him the credit

all right let me read about green chef real fast because

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She's got Green Chef, she's got Instacart, she's got all this other shit.

Does she have Alexa and all the other home devices where you're like, turn the lights on?

She went, no, we don't have that.

All right.

Then she's still, she's still one of the commoners.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Oh, my God.

What's the matter?

My text tone just went off.

So she still gets up off the couch and turns the TV on and off or no, do you have a remote?

We have a remote, yeah.

Oh, geez.

In 2022, we got a remote if you can believe it.

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It's so important, you got to say it twice.

Absolutely.

Say it three times.

Yeah.

Oh, I just fucking closed it.

Don't.

Yeah, fuck it.

I did have one little thing about, like, I remember, I don't know if people have noticed, but I don't really rag about

political correctness anymore or any of that shit.

I was catching, like you, I was catching flack.

People were tired of hearing about it.

I would like to believe that I was fucking right because look at us now in 2022, you can't see a goddamn thing without offending somebody.

But I read this

thing where these

law offices, these law firms, will not hire, two federal judges say they will not hire yale clerks over cancel culture so it's coming back to bite people in the ass

like they're judges that are like we will not

we will not hire you from yale because it's so rampant on in that at that university people trying to cancel you people trying to tell you what you can and can't say people trying to fucking just get in your fucking grill about shit walt and uh i was actually happy to see this uh one of the judges said they have legitimate concerns about the lack of free speech on law school campuses yale in particular.

And

they are declining students from Yale Law School for clerkships, with an exception for past and current students.

So in the future, don't even try it, Yale.

See, you're so fucking smart that now you can fucking talk yourself out of a job by trying to cancel everyone.

I'm glad I didn't go to Yale.

I know people,

I know some people who work out in California who like, before they hire someone, this is in the entertainment industry, so I don't know how important this is, but

they'll look at people's Twitter and Instagram, and they'll be like, if it's too preachy or stuff like that, or too, like, rage-filled, they're like, I won't, I just won't hire them.

So, you know, it is.

It is, look, I don't even know if it's like, it's the consequence of putting so much of yourself online more than anything, because, like, people just look you up and be like, I don't want to work with this person.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah,

that's a very good barometer to use.

You go to Twitter or Instagram and you see what their politics are, what their views are.

And like you said, even if they're too preachy and shit.

If you agree with their politics, but the way they express it is like fucking overbearing or like, you know what I mean?

Then they're like, look, I'm just not, this person's not worth hiring.

Yeah, but the world is really, or the country at least, is really turned into like, you are firmly in one camp or the other.

There's like not that much room for people who

online.

That's just

in the real world.

Yeah, in the real world.

That's the internets, man.

Real world, you know, you don't hear anything like that.

Never.

Yeah.

In fact,

when I do talk to people

about this kind of shit, you do find that they lean more towards

hating this cancel culture shit.

and hating the people that are like so fucking far gone, like so progressive that it's like

destroying, destroying institutions you know

well I mean look it's it's the extremes on both sides I wouldn't just say you know I certainly want to just say it's it's one side like the extremes of both side you're like I don't want to fucking deal with either of these people you know what I mean so even if even if you're into Trump they're so wild

these Trump people like you're just like there's nobody you got Joe Biden fucking giving dating advice to young girls you got Trump who's a fucking maniac

yeah like Biden's latest thing was he started giving he was like touching some girl, like some young girl he met.

She's like 11 or something.

He's like touching her shoulder, and he's like, don't date anybody until you're 30, or don't get married until you're 30, or whatever the fuck he said.

It sounds like good advice to me.

It's great advice, but it's like, it's not his advice to give.

Like, why are you saying that to some young girl you don't even know?

I don't know the circumstances around it.

I think more girls that age should hear that should hear like, don't get married before you're 30.

So I'm actually with him on that one.

When you were 11, were you listening to some fucking old grandpa giving you advice about anything, unless it was your own grandpa?

No, not at all.

Not at all.

You're right about that.

I don't know.

So wait.

So wait, what was your point?

So you said that you would stop doing it, but now you're diving back in?

No, I'm not diving back in.

I'm just sitting back and watching what I said come to fruition.

And all the fucking assholes who are like, we fucking tired of hearing it.

Just fucking shut up.

It's like, you abided by it, and now you're fucking suffering the fucking consequences.

So, fuck you.

Nobody would have changed it.

Nobody can change it.

It has to go the route it's going to go, man.

Yeah, you're right about that.

Nobody.

Nobody that could have altered the path of

social media's

impact.

See, I genuinely believe that my complaining would have done something.

Yeah,

that's the saddest thing.

That's the saddest statement that you think that you would have made a difference.

We're the fucking number one comedy podcast.

Why are people not listening to me?

Yeah, it's an interesting time to be alive.

That's for sure.

But, you know,

it is what it is.

It's everything else.

We'll see this pass, too.

Sure.

It already is.

Everybody you know is sick of it all.

Sick of everything.

It'll pass.

Now, Q, you mentioned Halloween.

We recorded our Halloween episode.

It's going to drop next week, next weekend.

A lot of Halloween content has been released.

Some big things.

Did you watch Halloween ends?

I was going to watch Halloween Ends, but then a trusted source, several trusted source, were like,

you don't need to watch Halloween.

Really?

And you could be that disciplined to be like, even though you love Michael Myers?

I'll get to it, but Michael Myers

was never Jason to me.

You know what I mean?

They feel so similar to me.

They're cookie cutters to me.

They're one and the same.

One wears a white mask, the other one wears a white mask.

One carries a knife, the other one carries a knife.

Sure, I want to go to the next one.

One likes to camp, the other doesn't.

One likes to kill, the other one likes to kill.

One doesn't speak, the other one doesn't speak.

I could keep doing this all afternoon.

Well, I'll probably watch it at some point, but I think that thing, that need to watch it the first night kind of got spoiled a little bit I watched it yeah I got a text from that same trusted source but I did I was like what the fuck it's it comes out today it's on peacock I don't have to go to the theaters or anything to see it and I watched it and I was blown away by its shittiness no really so it is like I was telling Walt that like the first hour is so it's an hour and 50 minutes it's so slow and like I

timed it like Michael Myers doesn't show up, and he's living in a sewer, you know.

Spoiler alert, but he's living in a sewer for some reason.

And he doesn't show up until 40 minutes into the movie.

The next time you see him, and that's like barely, he's like in the shadows.

Next time you see him is over an hour into the movie, and then it's like

Laurie Strode stuff.

And like, it's it's forgettable, man.

That's why I watched it two days ago.

It's forgettable.

And I said to, I can't remember who I said it to, but I was like, I'm just tired of watching grandma fight evil incarnate.

incarnate.

Oh, Jamie Lee.

Yeah, it's like, all right, like, I get the fan service.

I get Jamie Lee is, you know, a fucking icon, and she's a major part, obviously, a major part, as big of a part of the series as Michael Myers,

but I'm just not buying a 70-year-old woman.

Like, continuing to fight a guy that has proven

to be inhuman.

But what, so what do you, I mean, just, but if they made that movie and made it good, you wouldn't feel that way.

I don't know if it's possible at this point.

What can they do different at this point that's going to make the movie quote-unquote good?

I mean, don't you just think it's like a music?

I liked the first one in the

trilogy.

The first one in the new trilogy I liked.

I enjoyed watching that.

Did they cover new ground in that one?

No, but I don't really need new ground covered.

Like, I'm content to, like, once a year trundle to the movie theater and watch the same fucking shit happen again and again.

Like, I'm okay with that.

Okay.

I don't, I

tell you what, I'm watching, I'm re-watching the Star Trek movies, um, the Kirk ones,

and it's killing me that he's still alive and they won't bring him back in Star Trek.

Like, that's how I feel about Laurie Strode.

Like, she's here, she's alive.

Like, let's use her while we can.

But shout out, there's 91.

You guys don't want to bring fucking Kirk back for one last fucking ride?

Just a scene.

Just a one scene.

I agree.

Yeah.

What's up?

Just one scene, even.

One scene.

Like, do the do an animated movie.

Let him come back and voice it that way.

I miss it.

Like,

I'm on to A Voyage Home.

I watched the first four so far, and I'm like, God, they're so fucking good.

Like, they're just the chemistry with those guys are great.

I would just love to see it.

You know, Shatner up there one more time doing his thing.

Are the movies?

I've never watched a Star Trek movie.

Is it anything like the show?

Because I hated the show.

You'll hate these movies.

I don't see what QC's in these.

It's just Shatner chewing up fucking every scene.

They are just so boring.

No one, I mean, God forbid someone pull out a laser and shoot a rubber monster or something.

Nothing like that.

Oh, my God.

It's just like,

the Federation.

It's just constant fucking old men just yelling and talking about rules.

And, oh, my God.

The Prime Directive, did you watch?

I watched all of them except five.

The original theater, I watched them.

Haven't watched them since.

So we're going going off decades-old memories.

Undiscovered Country is a pretty fucking good movie, dude.

Which one's that?

Four or five?

I think that's five.

I think that's the one you didn't.

I think I checked out.

That's the one you didn't watch.

No.

It was Voyage Home.

Then

Voyage Home was four.

Then

there was the one that nobody liked where they went after God.

And then the one after that is Undiscovered Country.

Yeah.

But I don't know.

It's good stuff.

I like him, man.

I always liked him.

I always like him.

I think he's great.

And

I think you're 100% in the nose.

If you got the guy still around, why not create one more vehicle for him?

Let him go out as the captain.

Why not, man?

So maybe that's what, like, Laurie Strode.

They're like, look, one day we're not going to have Jamie Lee Curtis around to fight this guy.

So maybe we should just have him fight as much as you can.

Wait a minute.

I think something happened.

I think Kirk came out and poo-pooed the new Star Trek shit.

And I think he got on the wrong side of the current people in control of Star Trek.

Oh, I'm sure that's what happened.

And And I think now they're just like, fuck James T.

Kirk.

This 35-year-old puss who's in control of Star Trek now is just like, he offended our Star Trek.

And now they ain't never getting offended.

Those people shouldn't be in charge now.

No, they should not.

It should be like 60-something-year-olds who love, you know, who know and appreciate and aren't, you know,

looking to drive home, you know, some

anti-Kirk agenda now.

I mean, nobody's saying you can't do all this.

It's like 20 Star Trek shows.

Like, do shows without Shatner, but like, give me one with Shatner.

You know what I mean?

Like, get him up there.

All right, so you didn't watch Halloween.

What about the Munsters?

I watched half of the Munsters, and

I

couldn't take Lily.

I just didn't know what that was.

Sing-songy voice.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't remember the original being that way.

She wasn't like that.

So I was like, I don't get this take on it.

I didn't understand it.

And it takes fucking forever for Herman to get another one where, like, when the fuck is Herman going to start going

and start knocking his head on a wall and shit.

I just want to see the shit that I like.

Give it to me again.

Just repackage it and give it to me again.

Okay, I'm admitting it.

That's all I want at this point.

The same shit.

A lot of naysayers about the monsters.

I haven't seen it.

I've only talked to one person who was like, I loved it.

Jimmy the Hair Guy.

Does Jimmy the Hair Guy love everything?

I don't know, but he's such a loyal zombie guy, I think that he's unwilling to admit that he doesn't like something zombie produced.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like the concept.

I like the way he shot it.

I don't mind like the cartoony look that they gave it.

I don't mind the tone of it.

I just didn't understand what she was doing as Lily.

So I was like, I can't.

I can't get behind it.

But I want to finish.

I do want to finish watching it.

So maybe she wins me over by the end.

She won't.

What about Werewolf by Night?

Did you watch it?

I watched it.

Was it good?

Now, see, I saw in Rotten Tomatoes because

I remember that huff when you were talking about it the other day.

And I looked at Rotten Tomatoes.

It got like 91%.

Like, people seem to really like it.

I am the Jimmy the Hare guy of Rotten Tomatoes because I'm the only one saying I really didn't like it.

And I know that I'm out there on a shaky tree limb because everybody loved it.

But I'll I'll ask everybody who loved it, can you tell me who Jack Russell is?

Can you tell me his character?

Can you tell me his highest

moment as a what his highest character arc moment was?

Can you tell me his lowest character arc?

No, because you don't know shit about the character.

And they threw out a man thing and that made you go, oh, okay, I like this because man thing came on the screen for two minutes.

That was not Jack Russell, whatever they fucking showed us.

It looked cool because they went back to the old Universal Monsters style of

filming a special or filming something that looked in the vein of a 1940s movie.

But it's just, for me personally, it's just not enough.

And I am the old guy who's just like,

shut up, old man.

It was better in my day.

I mean, it wasn't better in my day, but the comic book was better in my day.

And then whatever you just trotted out.

But everybody loves it, though, so I'm wrong.

I have to be wrong.

Well, you've always specifically loved that character.

So you're seeing something that you love being twisted into something that isn't good.

Well, it isn't what he was.

So I can understand how that could bother you.

I get it.

You know what I mean?

Look what they did with Luke Skywalker in the new Star Wars movies.

You're like,

I don't know.

Like, I don't know that this is the character.

This is what I saw.

And look, by the way, I don't mind being taken on a journey that I didn't expect, but like, the journey's got to be good.

You know, you can't just take Luke Skywalker and turn him into a fucking bitch, a blue milk drinking bitch on a a whiny bitch on a planet and expect me to like it.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's just like,

what you do that for?

Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't watched it yet, though.

You know, the Marvel TV things have really led me to be like, although I did enjoy Moon Knight more than I thought I would, but the Marvel TV things, I'm like,

hasn't...

I haven't seen anything that reached out.

And I had a feeling that it wasn't going to be the Jack Russell that wolf.

Right, but I do think you'll appreciate it, though, for what it was.

I think you'll find it to be a fun 55 minute

little

monster movie yeah because you don't if you don't have any knowledge of the character then yeah i could see why this is enjoyable though but maybe i'll check it out and you know i mean swamp thing a man thing looks pretty good i'll give him that does he have the three the three

i mean he is exactly as he looks in the comic that's pretty cool yeah but At this point, though, is that enough, you know, that you just got that right?

Doesn't that be not an expectation that you made the character look the way he's supposed to look?

Should that really be something I have to acknowledge and give you kudos for?

Ask Namor.

You know what I mean?

Like, he doesn't really look anything like the one from the comics, and I think people will be accepting this.

And I have to say, I think She-Hulk

ended on a high note for me.

Really?

More twerking?

No, no, not more twerking, but they did this opening where

they did a riff on the opening of the old 1978 Incredible Hulk.

Oh, really?

The music, and they just riffed the entire opening and turned that into the opening of the last episode, where they have some girl

some big girl dra in green paint, her body paint, flipping over the corner.

Well, they did what we were talking about?

Yes.

Oh, that's fun.

They did the thing that the uh where uh Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno do a side-by-side where he's like where and it it freezes on them and and half the faces, Bill Bixby and half the faces.

Sure, of course.

They did that with Jennifer Walters and

the lady they have painted as the Hulk.

And

so damn good.

So damn good.

But again, that's only 30 seconds.

But it was enough to make me go like, you know what?

I don't care what they do after

with the rest of this episode.

I was that tickled with that homage to the original that I was like, yeah, that was enough for me.

You gave me exactly what I wanted to see.

And

I'm on a sugar high, so I don't care how shitty the rest of the show was, and it really wasn't that good.

Okay.

But it was worth watching just for that opening.

So well done.

Could I just watch the opening?

I wouldn't.

I would watch the whole thing.

I mean, Daredevil is still Daredevil.

He is so fucking damn good.

I don't know who the actor is of who plays Daredevil.

Charlie Cox.

Yeah.

I want to be friends with that guy, man.

He is that fucking likable.

Yeah.

Oh, wow, I just love that dude.

He is is just like, he's just like Jim from the office, Tom Brady now, Charlie Cox.

Charlie Cox.

Those are my three bros.

Those are my, like, my

soulmates.

I thought me and Q were two of your three bros at least.

Forget him.

We're fourth and fifth.

My fictional bros.

Yeah, I'll check it out.

I was waiting for the series to end before I watched it.

So now you're telling me it's over, I'll give it a shot.

And yeah, Daredevil's not the Daredevil you think he's going to be, but you still can't take the Charlie Cox out of that Daredevil enough to make it not seem like that Daredevil, though.

You know what I'm saying?

I don't know if that's a good explanation, but no matter how you're going to alter him or alter Daredevil,

it's hard to do when it's still Charlie Cox, though.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wait,

I like him.

It's a compliment to how good he is.

And I thought the woman who played She-Hulk was an adequate.

or not adequate.

She was okay, but just the writing just isn't there for me at this point.

She's a good actress.

I've seen her in stuff stuff that I've been like, holy shit, man, I really like her.

Yeah, all right.

The writing.

I would watch it, though.

I would not write this one off,

but I would watch it just so I can hear what your thoughts are on the series.

Off the air.

Okay.

I didn't realize it was a caveat.

Now I understand.

Okay.

I'm happy to talk about it not on the show.

Yes.

That's fine.

Okay.

This way I can really assess what I think about it and

get myself together.

But you know, I mean, I'm not being fair.

Like, I'm not, I don't want to be a troll or anything because there are moments that are good.

There are, you know, there are moments that are really good and really well done.

And there's just some moments that aren't, which I guess is almost in every show.

Oh,

it's perfect.

Yeah.

Except TSD and our Halloween show.

Fuck yeah.

So you guys got one week to watch Abina Costello meet Frankenstein?

Watch the movie.

Immerse yourself in it.

Pick up the music cues.

Yes.

Know it inside and out because it will make the listening experience of our Halloween episode that much more enjoyable.

Yeah, and if you've never seen it before, it's great.

You won't regret watching it.

Travel back to a day when grown men slapped each other in the face.

Yeah.

70-year-old movie.

Go watch it.

I think even if you picked that movie up today, it's still, it would be incredibly enjoyable.

Like if you've never seen seen it before,

I think it's a fun, fun movie

that people will like.

And you can get it for like, I think it's like 10 bucks on Amazon or something.

Oh, shit, that's not a movie that we'll just stream for free?

No.

In this day and age, 70 years later, they're still.

Still got to pay.

Wow.

Universal.

Jesus.

Damn.

Well, I think that's it.

We got to wrap up because this is a tight schedule.

We're trying to get this out on Sunday, which is.

Yeah, go upload this right now,

it'd be great.

All right, all right.

So, yeah, any kind of anything pithy or smart that I could I could tag up with?

Uh,

okay, tell them, Steve Dave.