#532: A Sexy Canoe Trip

Both people wouldn't look at me and be like, There goes a winner.

I had to start working on my beloved status.

You think there's more to it?

There better be because she comes across as a real

you-know-what.

I hear you.

You know what.

Oh, I know what you're saying.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt.

Hello.

And with BQ.

Hello.

We're going to have to do a mellow episode, Q.

Oh, yeah.

Walt has a migraine, splitting headache.

So

we got to keep it cool.

I don't know if I've ever had a migraine.

I just have one of those pressure headaches.

I thought it would go away.

What do you have?

A cold?

Maybe a little.

I don't think so.

No, I'm not.

I mean, it sounds like I'm congested, but I don't feel congested.

I just got like a pressure headache.

Maybe it's allergies.

Yeah, it could be allergies.

Yeah, those fall allergies.

I thought it would go away, but it hasn't gone away yet.

But that's all right.

Laughter is the best medicine, they say.

So

make me laugh.

When you have a headache and you're fucking laughing your balls off.

It feels better.

A lot of people, if they were to look at me, they wouldn't describe me in one word, and that one word being winner.

Who are these people?

I don't know.

They're assholes.

What word?

Winner.

Winner.

Oh, most people wouldn't look at me and be like, there goes a winner.

But this week, they're fucking wrong.

What happened?

I won a sweepsticks.

Get out of here.

Publishing house.

I wish.

Somebody show up with a giant check?

Nope.

Ed McMahon?

More like Ronald McDonald's.

It was

like a month or so ago, maybe even longer.

McDonald's is having the sweepstakes, and you could win a car and shit.

And I never fill out that stuff.

And Mary Beth was like, hey, I'll fill out one for me and one for you.

I was like, all right, go ahead.

And we got a call the other day that

I'm the winner of $1,000 worth of canoeing services.

I thought I was going to say $1,000 for life.

Yeah.

$1,000 worth of McNuggets.

That would have been great.

Yeah, I would take $1,000 worth of McNuggets.

I'm like, because I was like, in my mind, when I went canoeing as a kid, it was always up in the Poconos on the Delaware River.

Sure.

So that's where, I don't know why, but that's where I assumed it would be.

But it's the services are out of the company or whatever is out of Keyport.

It's that local.

Yeah, it's that local, which means I'm going to be canoeing around out in this bay out here.

Oh, dude, I'll tell you what you do.

You slingbox that shit.

You immediately go down here, pick up your $1,000 worth of canoeing equipment, and flip it for like $250.

Yeah.

That's what you do.

I'll go down to Congswood.

You do it right on the corner from the canoeing place.

Oh, like take money out of their pockets.

You just set up

canoeing equipment cheap.

Prize canoeing.

Was there equipment involved?

It's $1,000, so I think I can get equipment if I want.

Wow, you get a canoe, man.

Well, how am I going to carry it?

I got a car.

She has a car that's even smaller than mine.

Just get the canoeing ensemble, like all the clothing.

Like you dress the part.

So I look like I'm a canoeer.

Yeah.

That's a canoeing motherfucker.

How does a canoeer dress?

Oh, like those pants that you used to have, like where you could unzip them?

Oh, I still have them.

Wear them all the time.

Updoorsy pants.

Yeah, yeah.

You can take the bottom light, you know, the guy.

You get the knees.

You can you climb rocks with those pants too, right?

Me?

Well, people can.

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'm sure.

Come on onto the couch.

Maybe jerk off.

I don't know.

Too hot.

Let me unzip these legs.

Even though you won.

Yeah, I won.

Nice.

I was really hoping it was going to be the car.

I have.

Because then

I would turn around and sell in a fucking heartbreak.

Oh, you want to drive it?

What type of car was it?

It was like this

hybrid station wagon.

You know how they all look like.

Yeah.

Station wagons.

What a bummer, man.

Yeah.

Can you imagine it's a bummer that I want to fucking sweep sticks?

It's more trouble than it's worth.

That's what I'm like.

I mean, I like, I liked, I remember canoeing when I was young and I liked it, but I feel like this is a different, totally different situation.

What if you

carried away in the current?

No, let's spin this in another direction.

What if you, you know, Edgar's been over a lot.

He's been working on the house with you and stuff.

What if you use this opportunity to like bond with Edgar?

The two of you go

in a canoe together.

Guys, you're going to just chain to a tree.

I would be Burt Reynolds.

I don't want to be the other guys.

I don't want to be Ned Beatty.

No.

No way.

If the two of you are canoeing, then you get Shang Haid.

Yeah.

And then one of you is getting Ned Beatty.

Do you point to your daddy?

Are you like, throw your daddy right into the bus?

It's not my daddy.

No, I feel like it has to be him.

Hear me out.

Like, he has less time to live with the shame.

Yeah.

Whereas, like, and he doesn't really have any friends.

Okay.

So, like, if I told you guys I got Ned Beatty,

yeah.

And I would have to say it, I'd have to tell it on the show.

I didn't know this was a sexy canoe trip.

Did anybody know what we're talking about?

You think?

Some people do.

Some people, yeah.

Deliverance.

It's just a 1972 movie.

Are they ever going to remake?

remake deliverance?

No way.

No way.

No way.

You can't offend hillbillies.

Oh, really?

Well, yeah, I don't think so.

That's a bummer.

Redneck Pride.

You've got to be able to offend

somebody.

There's nobody to offend.

Well, white guys you can offend.

Yeah, but white guys don't get offended.

Well, that's not true.

You see a lot of soft

prissy boys.

A lot of prissy boys online getting upset.

You know, you can get some ropes.

I'm sure a lot of rope,

different lengths of ropes at the canoe place.

Yeah, I guess so.

What would I use it for?

Just whatever.

Just you store it.

Just in case, in case.

Yeah.

There has to be shit like what are those car beaters or carbiners, like those

hooks that they snatched.

Oh, carbiners?

Yeah, they snap onto shit.

Like, I could probably use a couple of them.

$1,000 worth of carbinas, yeah.

Fucking Rodney and Katy Shake.

I'm like, I'll take two of these, six of them.

Oh, that's some hat.

I was wondering about your speaking of the outdoor life, that what's going on with that golf cart?

Do you ever do anything with that that you got?

No, not yet.

You want a golf cart?

I don't.

I mean, yeah.

The answer is, yeah, I do want it, but I got no use.

I got nothing.

Unfortunately, I have no use for it.

Yeah.

I would love a golf cart.

The only use I have for it is to watch Sage driving around.

That's the only reason I would even take it out of there.

It's fun.

Yeah.

Goes right in the pool.

When I was

16, I was a great adventure.

Cheers.

Great adventures.

And

I filled out one of the forms to win a car, a Bronco at the time.

And I put it in.

And four weeks later, they called me.

I had won the Bronco.

And then it had gotten to a certain point.

And then

they asked how old I was.

And I was like, I'm 16.

They're like, oh, you need to be 18.

And that was it.

They just hung up.

Oh, God.

Oh, you didn't think to be like.

I didn't know.

I necessarily like, yeah, if you had just like.

My dad's name.

16 and proud of it.

Yeah.

I'm going to live forever.

Yeah, so that'll.

yeah, that was a that was a rough one.

So you won a car.

I won it in no uncertain terms.

They were like, congratulations.

And then on the second phone call, they decided to ask

what my age was.

And that was that.

I won a bicycle once.

Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah,

I went to my father's company picnic

in

right around here at Holmedale Park.

What company?

Charles of the Ritz no longer exists anymore.

What did it do?

It It made makeup and fragrances and

what else would you call it?

Anything?

Flavors.

All types of

makeup compounds and stuff.

And

I turned the corner.

I'm just walking around

the company picnic.

I turned a corner and

there was this guy, and he was having these kids throw softballs into a peach basket.

You know, from like two feet away.

It's pretty easy.

Yeah, I'm like 12 years old.

So I'm like,

so he's like, you want to do it, son?

And so I just threw it.

And he goes, I got all three in.

You win.

And I was like, okay, well, I win.

And he rolls out this bicycle.

And then I found out

I was too old to win the bicycle, though.

It was like who was doing it with those kids were a little bit too young.

I shouldn't have been in that age group.

And my father, I remember my father being like, you don't say anything.

You don't say anything.

Don't say that.

Well, wasn't it too late at that point?

Well, they gave it to me.

Oh, but then

I think other parents were like,

there was a murmur amongst the picnic.

Slaps a beanie propeller on walls' heads.

Ripple throughout the crowd.

It was an ugly bike, too, though.

It was a brown fucking bicycle.

I remember that bike.

Yeah, it was a brown bicycle.

It was awful looking.

It was just like one of the worst-looking bikes.

You know, there was like, remember, remember red lines and huffies, and then I have them torn around on my fucking brown bicycle.

I guess I won.

That's the way I feel.

Like, I guess I won.

Yeah.

Shit.

Well,

you can't even use it till next year, so you got to sit on it for fucking.

Can't use it till next year.

I figured I would bring Sage.

Like, you know, probably Mary Beth and Sage.

She'll love it.

She likes going canoeing.

That one, that fucking poisonous fucking water out there when the raring.

Well, I wouldn't do it out here.

I don't think you're going to get the canoeing experience out here you've got to go pennsylvania yeah i agree fill a little water gap yeah yeah i tried to canoe in the um like down by uh

the bridge in highlands with that with that with that fucking um yeah i mean this is when i was a lifeguard there

uh

right under the bridge and shit with that current i've never been so fucking frustrated in my entire life it's just like literally paddling upstream

just

fuck it man can you get into a canoe?

That was my last canoeing experience.

Can you get into a canoe at this point?

Oh, with my knees and shit or fucking my bulk?

Well, no.

I'm just saying, like,

will it look low in the water in that canoe?

What kind of crazy canoe is this?

Do you want Mary Beth watching the five-minute

entrance into the canoe?

That, you know, the slow, like, the unsteadiness and the.

It's everybody getting into the fucking canoe, not just me.

That's not everybody.

There's something you think if she had a 26-year-old boyfriend, you'd be going, ah,

to that fucking canoe.

Well, she's not invited then.

Hold her steady.

Yeah, come on, Mary Meth.

What are you doing?

Fucking hold it.

Man, I could do it on dry land and you just push me in.

Yeah, let's practice for a couple hours

in the pool.

Fucking good for something.

Oh, you should see that pool.

I should have taken a picture.

Oh, really?

It's a disgrace.

No, I thought you were going to tell me it got better.

No.

Well, I got to close it now.

I have to find somebody to close it.

But there's like leaves in it and shit.

And I was,

we did,

for anybody who's interested, listening to this right now.

I don't know if it's going to be up yet, probably not.

The

special Sunday Jeff Show.

Oh,

no, we just recorded it last night.

I don't know how quickly you guys can get it out.

Oh, no, yeah.

I got to do a lot to do, jump through, but I figure we announce it on the next one, Thursday.

Yeah.

Just forget what you just heard.

We'll announce it on the next one.

No, no, I lost my point.

What was I saying?

You better pool and leaves.

Yeah, the pool of leaves.

Oh, yeah.

I was saying, yeah, there's been more deaths

on the property.

A chipmunk fell into the pool and unfortunately didn't make it out.

And Mary Beth was like the other day, she was like scooping all the leaves out and shit.

And she's like, oh, she's like, I see her.

She starts crying and shit.

And I'm like, what's wrong?

And she's like, a chipmunk.

And like, the chipmunk had died in the pool.

How long does it take for her to recover from that?

I would say she was okay with it, like, inside of two hours.

Two hours?

Yeah, she's real sensitive to animals and shit, you know?

Wow.

That kind of stuff anyway.

Like, animals, she has no attack.

Like, it would be one thing if it was the fucking cat, you know, in the pool.

It's like, holy shit, how the fuck did that happen?

But a little chipmugget's like, oh, that sucks because he's cute.

But what are you going to do?

And I saw Walt, she went out and she bought these.

Well, by going out, I mean, she went online to Amazon and bought these things that they float in the water.

It's like this little

platform.

Oh, the frog logs?

Oh, you know of them.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You got any?

I don't have any because my steps, like, I have a whole steps that will lead right out to the pool.

But

I've seen them.

My buddy in Florida has them in his pool.

Yeah, so that they can climb up and then get out.

So far, I'd saved one cricket that we know of.

Hey, man, that's worth $32.

Yeah, I was wondering how many.

I was like, wait, how many did you get?

She only got two, one for each side of the pool.

But Waltz had a good point.

He's like, what if it's in the deep end?

The chipmunk's going to be swimming for his life.

She's like, his eyes were closed.

Oh, man.

I'm getting super attached to my squirrels, man.

They're now all hand-fed.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, it's the best.

It's the best.

So you're able to find time every day to feed them?

Oh, somebody has to find time to feed them?

It's the focus of my entire day.

I get up in the morning, I feed you.

I have an outdoor cat named Yardley.

I go out there, I feed Yardley, and then right after that, I go to the other side of the house to keep the squirrels away from Yardley, and I'll feed them over there.

But now it's just they just come up, like put their hands on my pant leg and like look up and shit like that.

Yeah, yeah.

So I finally got them to a place where I'm

pretty tame.

Yeah.

And even the other day, like I was, you know, I got that back part of the house, the clubhouse area there, and I put a bunch right outside my door.

And Benjamin, who's 18, he now sleeps 22 hours a day.

He's just, he's a stuffed animal at this point.

He's amazing.

But he looked up and he saw the squirrel, and I never seen anything like it before.

He got with him.

He got into hunting mode and like crept up to the door with his tail.

And I was like, holy fuck, I never seen him do this before.

It was so cool.

Yeah.

So it's paying off dividends.

Did you let him go, hunt?

No, the squirrels, because it's through the screen door, they just fucking look right at him.

He's not going to catch any squirrels.

He's not catching anything.

Yeah,

they got him just fine.

But it's a big moment for me.

You know, I have tons of video I could show you guys if you're interested once we're done recording of

squirrels being hand-fed.

We got no squirrels where we live now.

Chipmunks and birds.

Chipmunks, nice.

No squirrels, though.

I've looked online to see if I could buy chipmunks and set them loose in the yard, and you can.

Really?

Yeah, they're like special exotic pet dealers that will sell you chipmunks.

How much does chipmunk run?

It wasn't that.

I don't remember at the moment I can look it up, but it was online.

Whatever number you think it is, it's pretty low.

75 bucks?

Oh,

I think it's like 30 bucks a chipmunk or something like that.

Yeah, so I was going to buy like a bunch of them,

let them loose in my yard.

That'd be cool.

But then my neighbor, who's a good guy, wasn't trying to talk me out of it.

He was like, he's like, yeah, he goes, but he's like, is that upsetting the balance of the up here?

And I said, well, there's chipmunks.

There have been chipmunks up here.

Get off my property.

I'm like, get off.

Get out of here.

Yeah.

So I don't know.

I got a lot going on, guys.

A lot going on.

Sounds like a wildlife.

Yeah, loving it.

Did you, have you heard the news about

the impending, the rumors that Tom Brady is getting a divorce?

I have heard about it.

I was curious to hear what

she told him not to play anymore.

And he was like, fuck off, I'm playing, right?

Well, I guess if you're to believe that's what the reason is, but

do you believe that a woman, a mother, a wife, could blow up a family unit because her husband went back to work?

I believe a woman could blow up a family unit.

if they've been having conversations about this

for years.

And he was like, Look, I promise this is it, this is it.

And he keeps breaking his promise.

Like,

she's already got so she divorces him, she gets half his money, so she's not walking out on the sweet lifestyle.

But what about the kids, though?

I don't know.

Look, Ben, I don't get it.

That is that you think there's more to it.

There better be, because she comes across as a real,

you know what.

I hear you.

You know what?

Oh, I know what you know.

Rhymes with

punt.

Oh, I thought you were going to say it rhymes with itch.

But yeah, yeah, punt, Punt is a problem.

But I can't imagine, though, that you would like

you would just destroy your family for this, though.

Unless you just were like, there has to be some other reason.

This is not a.

It's a brick in the wall.

This is going nuclear.

Yeah.

You know,

when I don't think it's necessary.

She must not love him then.

Well, what if he's like

during football season, he's a fucking monster.

She's like, I'm not married.

I'm a widow during the football season.

You promised me this would stop fucking three years ago.

Okay, if you want to marry a guy who worked,

you know, 30 hours a week,

then you should have.

Then, but you marry, you want to marry a guy who is

who also gets six months out of the year off, like, that's not enough for you, Giselle?

Like, that's not enough, huh?

That's too much for a lot of married couples.

It's too much.

But, like, I was saying, like, he is in a position that not a lot of men can say they are in where they have off half a year.

Oh.

But it's not enough.

It's not enough.

It is not enough for Giselle.

Supermodel.

Well, there's no way we know the real.

Said with such a rush and minor.

We don't know.

You know, there's no way.

It's got to be a bunch of other things, right?

He's probably just tough to deal with, don't you think?

No, I don't think so.

You don't think, like,

because.

Why?

What makes him tough?

Why do you think that, though?

Well,

I think guys that perform at that level are always at that level with everything they do.

And

that is exhausting to deal with, don't you think?

Well, that's what I'm saying.

If you wanted to, you should have married a guy who were, I'm not saying an innocent, like, you know, who worked at a supermarket then.

Stocking shelves.

If you wanted somebody who would leave their job at the job then, you know, leave work at work.

Sure.

But

you wanted to marry the goat, and now you don't want what comes with it?

It's fucking horrendous, though, that you would blow up your family.

But what if he promised her and the family that he was retiring?

He's like, this is it, I'm retiring.

Have you ever broken a promise to a loved one?

Never.

You know, I've broken promises to my wife.

I did not think that she was going to divorce me over it, though.

Like, you know, I'll promise I won't forget, you know, to change that light bulb.

I didn't expect when I forgot, you know, for two straight weeks, though, that I would find, you know, lawyers' papers drawn up on the counter when I got home one day.

He didn't forget.

He made, he, he, first of all, who knows if any of this is true, but let's just go with it.

He made a promise saying he was going to retire, spend more time with her, more time.

She was at Wits End.

He was like, I'm doing it.

This marriage is important to me.

I want to work on it.

And then, and then he went back on that and suddenly she's like, well, what am I supposed to take from this?

That your family's not as important to you.

How much more money do you need, Tom?

Like, you're missing your kid's childhood.

It can't be about money at this point, right?

How is he missing that?

I hate that too.

That's the internet.

He's missing his children's life.

Yeah, it's like, what are you talking about?

Most people fucking work.

Yeah.

You're telling me he is not playing football 24-7.

He has seen his kids grow up.

Without a doubt, he's been pretty involved with football 24-7 when he's when he when the season's going.

Sure.

But just like just like Bry or me or any or you, you have fine time to do to do other things, though, than your work, right?

Yeah, but but I, it's, I don't know, man.

The internet just is so prone to

it makes me sick, though, it's because it's like they're not taking in consideration.

It's like the man is off six months out of the year, basically.

Yeah, but is he off or is he still working out?

Is he still doing his routines?

Is he still doing all that stuff?

So what?

He should just be like just with his where's my honeydew listening?

That's what he promised.

He said he was going to retire.

That she put up with it for all those years.

And like now it's like he's going to be.

So she can do what?

So she can, what does he need to retire for so she can do what is it that she needs him to be at home for?

She needs him to retire so she could just stop dealing with the fucking endless promises.

And he's not a man of his word.

He said he was going to do it.

He didn't do it.

And like, why is she going to

spend her life sitting around waiting for Tom Brady to throw a ball with his friends?

Like, get out of here.

Like, it's bullshit.

She gave her youth.

She gave her fucking youth and her prime to the business.

Why couldn't she have been a model while she was doing this?

Because who's raising the kids while he's out fucking playing football?

I'm sure they got some nannies.

Come on, man.

You know that's not right.

Somebody's got to raise those kids.

Oh, come on.

You think that most people don't like it when they, when they're that successful, don't have a nanny or two in the house?

Yeah, but you don't just hand the kids off to the nannies and be like, that's it.

You still need to be a mother.

It's It's easy, though, that you're full.

What is she going to do?

Go to the fucking football stadium week after week?

Like, no,

but she doesn't have to be there, but she doesn't have to also destroy the family unit because he went and played football.

So she's supposed to put off her plans in her life another fucking X amount of years while this guy's around.

Do you think Brady ever once said, like, you can't be him, you can't do what you want?

For sure.

No way.

Of course he did.

He's like, you got to live where I live.

You got to go where I go.

You got to fucking do this stuff.

Sure.

That part's true.

Yeah.

No way.

I don't believe that for a second.

So then she stays home while he goes down to fucking Florida?

So what?

But that's not a matter of that.

But that's what guys who are super successful and do other forms of employment, you know, they got to travel, business travel.

They got to go here.

Oh, I got to put an 80 hours in this week.

You know,

I want to climb the ladder of success.

Sure.

When you're a younger person, that, I guess, is to be expected.

The guy is how old anymore?

Are we still fucking doing this shit?

Like, when do they get to chill out and retire?

Well, are we talking talking about tom brady or ming

yeah i don't know so you're telling me though that if

you have made a you you promised somebody you were going to retire i get married and i promise them i'm going to end jokers at season 12.

yeah and they come back to you with like hey we got so many great bits like it's going to be legendary they come to me with the bits in

um

yeah if they

just say like we got let's say they come all right look here's what we're going to do we're going to to turn True TV into the Impractical Jokers Network.

We'll let you guys know.

That's what happened.

I was going to say, that was like three years ago.

They'll let you guys program all the TV shows.

They'll let you create.

They'll let you do all this stuff.

We want you.

We need you, and you can have the keys to the kingdom.

Here it is.

Right.

And then I say to this hypothetical bride, I say, I know I promised that I was going to retire this year, but I'm about to throw.

five to ten more years of work on it.

I'm not changing the deal.

No, that is not true.

He is not throwing five to ten more years.

This is probably his last year.

Oh, he's been saying that.

Yeah, it's the thing.

He's been saying that.

And what if next year he still has?

What if he wins the Super Bowl this year?

You think he's retiring next year?

Yeah, yes, I do.

He's retiring this year.

He looks miserable because of her.

She's going to cost me a ring.

This bitch is going to cost me and Tom a ring because he's so out of sorts that he's not going to be able to win this year.

He's smashing iPads.

He is, but he's done that before, right?

But again, yeah, but again, though, like, why can't she let him do what he wants to do?

She is letting him do what she wants to do.

She's also, though, doing what she wants to do.

Which is divorce him.

Yeah.

Why is it on her?

Like, why is it on her?

She's the mom.

She's the wife.

But what does that have to do with anything?

Why is it on her to fucking maintain this?

For better or for worse.

Same to time.

Boom.

Drop the fucking football and let's get going.

Why?

What is so awful about earning another $100 million?

Because the money doesn't matter.

It's not that.

You just said it yourself.

It's like the guy made promises to her.

He's not keeping it.

Why is it on her to swallow shit from Tom Brady all the time?

Why isn't it on Tom to keep his fucking word and spend time with his family?

Probably because he retired for that month and he just got a taste of what he was in store for.

It's like, oh, we're going to go do this and then we're going to go do some fucking charity with this.

We're going on a canoe trip.

We're going to do this.

Yeah, but like all that means is that they're no longer on the same.

He's learned that he doesn't, he doesn't want to stay married no

i didn't think i don't think he thought she would do this i don't i think he was in a like i doubt she served in papers this was a this was a uh a at a left field he did not think she was gonna pull this pull this

yeah i didn't think she was gonna she didn't think he was gonna pull this which is like i'm going back to work even though i said i wasn't oh my god how old is he 45 45.

i i i don't know i just feel like for the good of the family unit sometimes sometimes you got to, like, you know,

she can't, she could do whatever she still wants to do, though.

That's the thing I don't understand.

It's like,

but he's not stopping her if she wants to continue her modeling career.

Yeah, but that's not what she wants to do.

What does she want to do?

What does she want to do then?

Who fucking knows?

We're going to find out, though, because she's free to fucking go and do it.

Now we're going to see her dating some high-profile guys and shit.

Oh, oh, I think Tom will be do all right.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't mean any offense.

I think she's age-appropriate for me.

Can I start dating her?

I'd say, yeah, I mean, 45.

Well, no.

Maybe shave 15 years off.

Oh, you've been in the other direction.

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

You don't want any fucking part of just.

You don't think I want any part of that.

She sounds like a real high-maintenance fraud.

That wouldn't work for me.

Yeah, right?

You don't think she's high-maintenance?

I'm sure she is.

Like to the...

The highest maintenance.

One of the most famous supermodels of all time.

Yeah, I'd say so.

She's not getting her way.

Oh,

she's 42.

That's what we talked about.

She's a hot chick.

She used to get in her way.

Now she can get her way, so she's all pissy.

It sounds like she's dealt with a lot.

She was a Victoria's Secret Angel when that meant something.

Yeah.

You know?

Not anymore.

Oh, no, no.

It doesn't mean anything.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know, man.

I can't.

I'm having a hard time.

You're really team Giselle.

Well, I'm not.

Only because we're talking about it.

I don't care in the slightest, but like, I do.

Your boy comes to you.

Yeah.

And he tells you, he's like, you know what?

I still want to do something.

And my wife is telling me I can't do it.

Well, it sounds like you want out of that marriage, too.

No,

I love my marriage.

I love my wife.

I love my family.

But I also still want to play football, too.

I want things to be the way they were.

And they always have been.

Well, I mean, if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass out of the junk.

All I'm saying is, like, it's like, you can't have both, Tom.

So you have to pick one.

Why?

Because you can't.

You're going to get a divorce if you leave her to go play football again.

And the resentment?

What about the resentment that's going to build when he knows and he's somebody else win that ring?

So this marriage is irreparable.

And they should get divorced.

And it's not on her at all.

I'm sure it's like everything in a marriage, right?

Isn't it like 50-50?

But like, I mean, I don't think we could paint her as a fucking monster.

Zebalt's doing a pretty good job.

He's trying.

I want to keep listening.

Why do you feel?

Because

if I was in this position and Debbie was like, you know, and she's like, well, you told me we were going to do this this year.

And I was like, okay, but let's do it next year because I really want to continue.

I think I can win this.

I think I can do another successful season.

And then the next morning.

I read in the paper, like, you know, she filed for divorce.

It would be such a betrayal.

Sure.

But what if you had that conversation and she said, no problem, Walt, go and do it.

You did it another year.

Yeah.

And then we're like, all right, I'm retiring.

You public retire.

Everybody's down.

He held his word up.

You stuck in that extra year.

And then he's like, I'm only fucking kidding.

I'm going back.

It's like,

what do you, like, why isn't that wrong?

Why isn't that wrong for him to say he's going to do something and then go back on it?

I think maybe the kids were looking forward to it.

All right, I can see your point that it's quote-unquote wrong to do what you want to do in your life.

But I also don't think that

it rises to the level of destroying a family.

You know, this man has never failed at anything.

Failed the marriage.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

And

that's why he looks so miserable right now.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure it sucks, but at the same time, you know.

What's he supposed to do now?

Okay, quit on the team right now.

How does he look then?

Gets divorced.

Crawling back to her.

Does he love her?

Does he want to be with her?

I'm sure he does.

It's the mother of his children.

And then crawl back.

And then so

you just bail on your teammates.

If my wife and my kids are more important to me than my teammates, yes.

Jesus Christ.

But it's this like impossible hurdle.

It's like, it's not that if you're not.

But if we mean anything to you, you'll quit what you love doing and just be a house husband.

And he said, give me one more year.

She says, you got it.

I'll give you one more year.

He did the one more year.

And then he tried to pull the same shit again.

How many times did she get it?

It's like Charlie Brown at the fucking football.

Oh, did he say this one other time?

He retired.

All those rumors.

But the retired.

But the retirement, there's speculation that he was retiring for a different reason.

Okay.

Trying to force a power move to get to a different team.

Well, that's the same.

We don't know any of the facts here.

Yeah, I pray for her sake that there's more to it than her just being like her nose out of whack because the supermodel didn't get what she wanted.

Yeah.

Super model.

So dismissive.

Yeah.

Supermodel.

i got another story here

oh my god it's not about brain though this one hits really close to home somebody sent this to me it's shocking

um

two men want it for brutally beating and robbing a beloved comic book store clerk what

yep pennsylvania i don't believe a comic book store is beloved that's what i wanted to ask the top headline is beloved comic store owner.

Yeah.

Let's say I'm back on the trenches.

I'm back into shit.

I think you were beloved.

Come on.

By whom?

What do you mean?

There's no way they write like that article with beloved in it.

Who doesn't love you?

I don't understand.

What do you mean?

Like around here, if it was like beloved podcaster, they would say me and you and get them.

Yeah.

But at the store, it was probably just, at that point, it was was probably just get him.

I don't think there's a lot of people walking into that store.

They're like, oh, he's so lovable.

No, lovable in like a fucking waltz-mouthed

emotional kind of way.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's how you see yourself?

You don't see yourself as lovable?

And I'm not saying it in, I think this is ridiculous, though.

I don't know who's Pomsy greased to get that fucking beloved in that headline.

No comic book store owners are beloved.

I just don't understand.

I know one that definitely isn't.

Oh yeah, I know.

I know.

Let's say it was any other store clerk.

Yeah.

It's weird to just put beloved in there.

What makes him beloved?

What did he do that was so beloved?

I don't know.

Maybe there is reasons.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

Like, maybe they...

Maybe it stands out as unusual to you because

he was so beloved that they had to put that in.

Like, they didn't just pick that word out of no.

So, what happened?

He got beaten?

Yeah, he got beaten.

Like, he has his security cams up.

You can watch the video.

These two guys come in, and he's putting some wall books up on a little ladder.

Yeah.

And they pull the ladder out from under him, and he falls down, and they just start punching him.

Wow.

They took

all his high-end products.

All his wall books.

Oh, no.

How old is the guy, do you know?

He's about probably our age.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like they were interviewed.

He told him he got knocked off a ladder.

He has a swollen eye.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And who are these kids?

Well, I don't think they were kids.

They have pictures of them.

I mean, they're probably going to get caught.

They really didn't hide their identities all that well.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

Yeah, but

I don't know.

I feel like

if I'm in that position and the

local press comes to the stash to do the story on me getting robbed and beaten, I just don't think they're using that adjective.

Was it editorial?

Like, how many people did they survey to be like, okay, he's beloved?

Well, if it's a community paper,

like, and then you have your thumb on the community, like, oh, that's Ted.

Everybody loves that guy.

He runs a comic book store.

I mean, not the two guys who robbed him, but everybody else.

Those guys are a little off.

We don't know about that.

What's something that he probably, what, like, I was even racking my brain, what was something that he could have done to become beloved in the community?

Well, let's say like...

He's a comic book store clerk.

Let's say, like, you know how you get, like, back issues and shit where you're like, like, these are never fucking going to sell.

What if he, like, gives stuff away?

Took them to hospitals and like dressed up like Superman and gave them away, you know, or, or, or if there were underprivileged kids in Bucks County, he had like a discount program for people who like can't afford comics.

Yeah, I would be okay with just you know, comic book store clerk gets beaten.

You know, you can work to get beloved.

Well, what is it?

What was the Stash's

charity and community outreach?

We gave a a lot of comics to the service.

It's a service.

Yeah.

That's pretty good.

And Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts.

Get this shit out of here.

And we did a lot of glory holes and booty times.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, which is, you know, a charity of its own, I guess.

But yeah, so it's like, so now,

since you've left, have you heard of any charity initiatives coming out of the Stash?

Oh, I don't know.

Yeah,

I have not kept up with anybody over there

since I've left.

So I'm not sure what their

what charitable

organizations they're.

But we could assume that they probably are.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

So Beloved.

What, over the stash?

Yeah.

I don't know.

So you think that you think that you think that

you think the re you think one of the somebody over there gets

beaten and robbed?

You think Beloved is going going to be thrown about the way this guy did?

Surly asshole.

I think this is probably.

I mean, how serious is it?

Like, he's giving an interview with like a.

I know there's going to be some laughs.

That's the thing.

You know, I wouldn't particularly find anything funny.

I mean, the guy was okay.

He just had a puffy eye.

Yeah, you know.

And he lost some Goal books.

Sure.

You know, I don't know.

Old joke on the side is anybody going to be happy about that?

Did you have a wife that took any lumps or no?

All right.

Come on.

Oh.

But yeah, that one really made me

sit up in my chair, though, and be like, maybe I got to start, you know, I don't have much time left.

I ought to start working on my beloved status.

Like, in case, you know,

somebody's writing about me.

And then, you know, if I want beloved in front of the whatever the story is to describing me,

I got some work to do.

So, what are you going to do?

What's the plan?

I was hoping that

I was hoping that you could come up with a couple of some good ideas.

Friend of beloved IJ Cast member.

Well, you got to, it's not going to come easy.

You got to do things.

You got to.

Yeah, got out of my comfort zone.

Maybe, maybe, because what do you want it to say?

Like, beloved,

are we talking about Airport Plaza people below you?

You know what?

The Airport Plaza, I have been making inroads.

Yeah.

I'm not a man about the Plaza, but.

He's a big hit down at the DMV.

Yeah, are you?

Isn't he in there?

Yeah.

That's pretty good.

But, you know, I have to.

I open a fucking dispensary downstairs.

I'm sure that's coming.

There's one of those smoke shops down here.

Yeah.

Yeah, one of those

smoking out.

Yeah, I don't think it's a dispensary.

I think it's just vape shit.

Oh, yeah.

But, yeah, wow.

So, so, yeah, so maybe you start locally.

Like,

how's it going, man of the people?

What do you do?

To the airport plaza, folks.

Oh, I just, you know, there's a top of the morning to you.

Yeah, that's what you do.

You check in, you get like a scene, you're out there, you're meeting the people, pressing the flesh.

You're like Dexter, bring those donuts in and shit like that.

Exactly.

Can't.

So that's what he's doing.

He's not even sincere.

He's not sincere.

He doesn't give a fuck.

I know he doesn't care.

He just wants that adjective.

He just wants it.

I just can't bring donuts the day after I get beat.

And like, the press maybe showing up today.

Can you just drop beloved a few times when they're talking to you?

Why keep looking in my eye?

Here's some Dunkin' Donuts.

We love it.

Oh, we love that guy.

We love him.

He's beloved.

Oh, man.

I know.

Well, if they interviewed me, I'd be like, fucking, the guy's beloved.

I don't think the, yeah, I don't think

they would think to go to Staten Island and

ask you.

No, I would, I would, as your longtime friend, yeah, I would have to make myself available here to make sure that that got in there.

Then you don't even have to work at it.

Then, if you're willing, okay, yeah, I'll make the 20-minute ride.

Yeah, local paper, they'd love to have me, I'm sure.

Right?

And I'll just be like, oh, you know, really play it up.

Like, give me two adjectives.

We call Walt the mayor of Airport Plaza.

Everybody loves everybody.

He was beloved, man.

I can't even stop crying

because he got popped in the eye.

Do you think there's any chance?

Stop crying.

Really oversell it.

I considered suicide.

I'm still.

I'm still.

I'm not right.

I'm not right now yet.

What if me and Giddam get rolled up at the general store?

Like, and someone comes in, you know, pops us and takes some Zippos and some t-shirts.

If Giddam gets a roll in perpetual motion, we'll keep them going.

I think it would be beloved,

you podcaster and sidekick.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm not going to worry about him getting the beloved title.

And sidekick.

That would be something, though, if they found out there was like a smash and grab at the general store.

Oh, my God.

What would they get?

I don't know.

I don't know what they would grab.

The most highest priced item is the Zippo, $30.

Well, if they're Filipinos, remember when I used to do Kev's merchandise for them?

Philippines, orders out of the Philippines were constantly, you remember this, probably.

They would constantly order like 30 Zippo lighters.

I don't remember that.

Yeah.

Did you ship them?

Fuck no.

Okay, all right.

I had a whole list of countries I would not ship to.

Why wouldn't you ship them?

Because they were like known for stealing shit.

Yeah, be like, oh, we never got them.

Or, yeah, stolen credit card.

Yeah.

And by the time you ship the stuff out, it's too late.

You find out this credit card's stolen and then you do a charge back and all that shit.

Crafting.

But yeah, like, I guess maybe lighters are in short supply in the Philippines.

It was always the Philippines when it was lighters.

What's going on?

Indonesia was another one.

Seems like everybody's trying to get out of these fucking countries, so I don't know what they're doing with the zoos.

Have you caught up with She-Hulk?

I have not.

Big left turn from the migrants to She-Hulk?

Yeah, great.

Yeah,

I haven't.

I'm going to wait till it ends.

What are you waiting for?

I'm going to wait till it ends and watch it in one shot.

Okay.

I heard the Daredevil episode went.

Yeah, I haven't seen it.

I'm almost up to date, but I haven't seen a Daredevil one yet.

Yeah, I just

don't.

Nobody's telling me I have to watch it.

And that's

the

stopping me from watching it.

But I will watch it.

And A Wear Off by Night dropped.

Did you watch that?

Not yet.

I think it dropped today.

Oh, man.

I watched that.

Yeah.

What service is on?

Disney Plus Disney.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's in black and white, I heard.

Like, it's all cool.

Yeah, that's one of my favorite characters, so I'm holding no hope whatsoever.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Don't get your hopes up.

I'm going in with no hopes whatsoever.

And if I'm pleasantly surprised, great.

If I'm disappointed, it won't even be that bad, though, because I know to expect it.

There's a woman on my crew.

She's been on the crew a long time, and she's into geek stuff.

Like, we always talk.

And I asked her about She-Hulk, and she is the one, and she's liked some dog shit.

And she was like, I don't know that you should watch She-Hulk.

She's like, I don't know if you're going to like it.

And I was like, oh, okay.

But I will watch it.

You know, I like the character.

I I want to see what they do.

Yeah, I think you should watch it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But because it's very digestible, small

portions.

I think if it's only 20 minutes each show or 25 minutes.

You can breeze through it.

I'll tell you what I have been watching.

Andor, the Star Wars version.

Holy shit is that good.

I thought it was good, too.

Every episode is like, fuck, man, who made this?

And can they make everything?

Like, there's no bullshit.

It's just like, here's the fucking show you want to see.

And here it is.

TIE Fighters are scary in it.

Like, when was the last time of TIE Fighter?

It was scary.

And you're like, holy fuck, they made them legitimate, like, terrifying.

It's great, man.

I really like Andor.

Yeah.

Is that like bingea?

They're hour-long episodes, and it's not

like a page turner, if you know what I mean.

Like, there's a lot going on and shit.

But I really like it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's good.

Mon Mantra is one of the characters in it, and they're doing her justice.

From the original movie.

Yeah, you know, this new woman that's been playing.

Oh, she's a new actress.

But they show her home life and like her husband just giving her shit all the time, and her kids like a bratty kid.

It's like, interesting.

They do some weird stuff.

That's a weird angle to inject into a space.

I didn't get it, and I didn't know that I would care as much as I do, but they really did in a way that I'm like, I hope she's all right.

You know, the

space opera, you know, more sounds like a soap opera than if you're doing it.

But it just goes to show you you could do anything.

You just fucking do it right, and it's good.

You know what I mean?

Suddenly I'm investing in a Bratty Teenager.

Yeah.

So you didn't even see what the new Daredevil costume looked like?

I saw that.

I saw a clip of it.

Yeah.

How do you feel about the old red and yellow?

It didn't look as bad as I thought it was going to look.

It didn't, right?

Right.

It was kind of

just kind of like, eh, it's not terrible looking, but.

I saw a clip of the fight between him and She-Hulk, and it was just...

I'm sure it's all for laughs, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

it's not that vicious hallway fight no no no you're not getting anything for that hallway

you're flirting the entire Disney was just like we don't want anything with that hallway yeah yeah

have them like argue cute while they fight yeah right

great

boys want to hear about Raycon oh fucking love Raycon oh my god I found

the very first pair of raycons that they ever sent us the other day charged them up and I was using them.

I'm like, they still work fucking great.

Yeah, they are.

Let's see.

So, Q, what do you listen to on them?

Are you listening to specific artists, specific genre, podcasts, and audiobook?

I was listening to Tom Petty, the

Southern Accents album, the other day through them.

Yeah, they sound great, I bet.

Oh, my God, yeah.

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So, you know, you're walking across a street.

You can still, you know, you don't get run over by a car.

Nope.

I listen to them.

I use them, listen to podcasts a lot.

I'll tell you a little something about a podcast after this Raycon ad.

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And

if you don't mind, if you're in the New York area this,

not this Saturday, Saturday the 15th, the evening of Saturday the 15th, go to waptnyc.com

for a live show I'm going to be a part of.

Whoa.

My buddy Carl's doing a live show in New York.

He asked me to join in.

So I said yes.

You're driving into New York.

I believe I'll be driving into New York.

Unless I can take the ferry.

Where's the

City Winery?

Oh, City Winery is great.

Is it the loft?

Yeah, it's really nice there.

Okay.

Yeah, he asked if I would join in, and I was happy to.

He roasts podcasts.

He roasts Stuttering John.

They talk about true crime shit.

It's

pretty fun show.

Oh, man.

I'll try and make it out to that.

All right, I'll send you the information.

I might even be able to get you a comp.

All right, thank you.

But I don't mind supporting the cause.

And that's, I was in Manhattan last night,

the West Village area, and

three

homeless people touched me.

Like, now they're just like coming up.

My heart or your push?

No, no, not my heart.

Just coming up.

One guy, like, I gave him some money, and he hugged me, and I'm like, whoa.

Another guy, like,

I can't believe how crazy it is in there now.

Like, maybe it's just that area, but it was like, you walk down the street, and every 10 feet, somebody's like, yo, you got a dime?

you got money, you got money.

It's like fucking nuts.

All the stores are closed.

You're just like, What is going on?

Where is this?

What section?

The West Village, which is my favorite part of the city.

And it's like, I was like, This is if I was a

like a lone female walking around, I'd be like, This is weird.

You wouldn't be a lone female.

No, it was really disheartening, man, because I knew it was, I knew you know, it was, it was that, but I didn't realize it was as bad as it was.

Um, it's kind of

got me a little depressed last night, really, yeah, just because the the city that you love is now overrun.

It's hard to overstate it.

I'm not kidding.

Like every 10 feet, you're hit up for money.

And one guy was talking to this bouncer because I asked him for hand sanitizer after the guy fucking hugged me.

And he goes, dude, you got to watch out.

He goes, one of the guys around he has scabies.

He's like, don't let him touch you.

And I'm like, are you out of your fucking mind?

Another guy, like a fan came over to talk to me and asked for a photo.

And I'm like, yeah, whatever.

So this homeless guy wanted to get in.

Doesn't know who I am.

Just came up.

So the fan high-five me.

And then his girlfriend high-fived high-fived me.

And he came, then this homeless guy popped.

By the way, he's 26, 27, this homeless guy.

And he goes to high-five me, and his fingernails are so long that they scrape against my hand.

And then, so he high-fives, scraping, and he's like, anybody got a dollar?

And you're like,

what the fuck?

So I got to go back, get more hand sanitizer.

It's just like, I was like, this is nuts, man.

It was pretty surprising.

That's progressives, man.

That's

what it's going to do for you.

I was fucking hoping Adams would fix it.

But yeah, it's pretty crazy.

I saw this article, Walt.

Now, a couple weeks ago, we talked about how Staten Islanders have the sweetest sausages on the East Coast.

Yeah.

But it turns out they're fucking pussies.

Whoa.

What?

When it comes to partying.

Uh-uh-oh.

New Jersey's thumping sure style.

All the party parties.

The boom parties?

The boom parties?

Boom parties?

You don't like them.

I don't hear them, but I've heard a lot about them.

It's a boom party.

Obnoxious bass-heavy beats from warehouse bashes in the Garden State have been traveling across the water and keeping senior citizens in a Staten Island housing complex awake all hours.

It rouses you out of your sleep, I tell you.

It's very frustrating, said a woman who lives at the tides in Charleston.

I just want some peace and quiet.

Yeah.

And they are.

They're called boom parties.

Yeah, right.

And it's traveling across the river.

Yeah, I guess it's just like

there's nothing to stop the sound, so it just.

Well, it's very like that area where the tides are.

The distance over the river to Jersey is pretty narrow.

Okay, I was going to say, that seems shockingly.

Yeah.

I would not think that could happen.

So, and there's all warehouses there, so they're throwing these big parties there, and it's like, apparently, it's driving everybody over their nuts.

It's

very, very bass-heavy, the woman said.

I wouldn't call it music.

Now, that's an old person.

That's an old person talking.

That's an old person who can't sleep.

What would you do if

you were subjected to these boom parties?

That's one thing I like where I live: there's enough of a buffer on every side that I don't really have to worry about noise or hearing other people or that kind of shit, which really is hugely important.

Even more important than a fucking pool I can't use.

I love that.

So

the crooked house, which I'm officially out of, by the way.

Aye!

Fucking took

about a month.

But we finally dragged the washer and the dryer out just recently, me and Edgar, and

no more crooked house.

End of an era.

Killer piece of furniture for you.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

That's great, man.

Congrats.

So you're just sleeping in the house.

You loving it?

Now we're in the house.

Well, I like it.

There's just too many boxes around now.

Now we're like, I just finished up the painting in the kitchen, so now the painting's all done.

No more painting, except for like the basement downstairs, but that's going to wait.

So now it's just emptying boxes, being like, oh, here's where this is, and that kind of shit since nothing is marked properly.

You're lighting fires?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we had a fire in the fire pit the other day.

Got some of those alpine chairs so you can kick back.

They're surprisingly comfortable.

Yeah, they really are.

Like for a wooden chair, I was like, wow, this is pretty nice.

Yeah, they do a good job with those.

Yeah.

So no boom parties for no boom parties for me.

But what would you do if there was boom parties?

Like, are you of the age now or you call the cops?

Because because I know I am.

Is it every night?

It's most nights.

Probably calling cops.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll probably send my drone.

I would send my drone over.

I'd fly it over to get incriminating footage and then give it to the local police.

I'd like fucking narcotics.

I'll get the license plates and shit and get all that stuff.

And then I'd just send that footage to the local cops.

A drone in front of somebody doing a bump of coke.

Like, what the fuck?

Couldn't I just put my raycons in?

You could.

And they are.

Nobody's isolating.

I would just do do it.

Let the kids have their fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're young.

We had our fun when we were young.

We had our boom parties.

You know,

I don't want to squash their good time.

I'll just put my raycons in.

What about your wife?

Can she sleep through that kind of thing?

What her?

Do something about these boom parties.

Go over there and talk to them.

Watching.

Hey, guys.

I couldn't help but notice the booming.

It's my wife.

She's starting to wake up.

I got Raycon.

You don't got to worry about me.

I'm cool.

I'm probably listening to that music in my Raycon.

Yeah, right, guys, right?

Post Malone, right, guys?

Post Malone.

What else do I got here?

Very happy that somebody, you know that Adam Levine meme where it's like your body is absurd?

And I'm going to be very careful to say absurd because people fucking really get on my ass for saying absurd.

Absurd?

You've always said absurd.

I've always said absurd.

Where did it come from?

I don't know.

You just got it.

But I noticed early on you said it that way.

Yeah.

So for everyone fucking

people on Twitter and shit, I see it.

Oh, who cares?

They're also,

they all have such perfect fucking elocution.

But I don't understand.

I wasn't aware.

What are they complaining about?

They want you to say it the right way.

They want me to say it the right way.

How is that different in Special and Magical?

I don't know.

Right now they have a unicorn and they want to slaughter the unicorn.

It's fucking absurd.

There you go.

What was it going?

Oh, your body is absurd.

Somebody put me in there into one of those memes.

I was happy to see that.

That's pretty good.

Did he smooth things over with the missus, Adam Levine?

It doesn't appear so.

Oh, no, it does appear so.

I saw a picture of them out in public together, and they were both smiling.

And that doesn't mean that at home...

He's not on the fucking couch.

I wasn't going to for divorce.

And he did something, I think, that is far more egregious than

it wasn't even just one person.

It turned out it was like a whole bunch of ladies.

He's a habitual flirt.

Repeat offender recidivism.

You know, and she was able to find it within her heart to forgive him.

They're newlyweds, though.

Oh, are they?

I think they've only been married a few years.

Oh, okay.

That's even worse.

Like, you're only a year or two in and you're already.

You married a rock star.

Look at the way he.

I mean, a man's sitting here wearing a cape.

Oh, yeah.

Somebody, an aunt sent in a white cape, and I'm wearing it.

You should know I'm wearing it right now while we podcast.

Looks good.

It's my podcasting cape.

I'm like, I'm going to leave it here.

It's a little Roman-ish.

Yeah?

Yeah.

In a good way?

Or colonizer?

No.

That looks

a little like, you know,

like the Roman Empire.

You know, if you had maybe

one of those grass

or or those like one of those holly hats.

Yeah.

The halo thing.

Look like Caesar.

So you don't like it.

No, I like it.

You should wear it, like you should throw a Caligula-style party at your house.

Oh, you can't do that?

Throw an orgy at my house?

Like a theme party.

Not an orgy, but like a Caligula-style party.

I could do whatever I want.

Do I want people in my house thinking that they're in a Caligula party?

Yeah, like I'm good.

No, young BQQ.

I don't want people.

But there was a time when young BQ would have been like,

fuck you.

Young BQ would have done it.

Yeah.

Yeah, but now you've crossed over that threshold now.

Well, I got, you know, Benjamin's got to get his sleep in.

Squirrel

needs his 22 hours.

Yeah, Benjamin needs 22 hours of sleep a day.

And, you know, I'd be more worried about, I'm more worried about him than I am about wanting to see a Caligula party.

Really?

Yeah.

I like this BQ.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks, Bob.

Mature.

Matured, refined, sophisticated.

Worn out.

Defeated.

See, all I want to do is clean up my house so I can host a Caligula style party.

That would get shut down real fast.

I'm like, hey, I was thinking, you know, Caligula?

No.

Oh, really?

She wouldn't be down there.

No way.

She might do like a toga party.

She would do a toga party.

That's what if there was like a Caligula corner in the toga party?

She would probably allow it.

Yeah.

And just be like, you're in charge of that.

Oh, all right.

You know,

like one room.

Like, we got we got a room.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She won't be cramping my style.

She'll be up there with the decent folk.

Yeah.

Well, we're fucking come down here to Caligula's corner.

Yeah.

Yeah, we could use that hole downstairs for it.

That's what I'm saying, man.

Got the hot tub right up top.

She ain't got to worry about Benjamin sleeping at your place.

No.

My cats will be scared.

They'll just run and hide.

Yeah.

Did you know, going back to Tom Brady, did you know that there's

a podcast, Let's Go with Tom Brady?

Yeah, it's a little too sanitized for my.

Is it?

Yeah, you know, it's brand.

You know, you got to be on brand.

You're not really going to say anything that's going to ruffle anybody's feathers.

Yeah, I think I know.

You don't say that he has to do that, does he?

But that's like you're not going to get the real person then.

You're getting like his

that homogenized side of him that's going to be like

all brands, like all PG or even G probably

talking about nutrition.

And,

you know, just you're not getting any insights of like some of the not not I don't even need dirt, but just something a little bit more

raw.

And I don't even need raw, just something a little bit more than what that podcast is, though.

Scratch the surface at least a little bit.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

How many episodes?

He's been doing it for a while now.

How long are the episodes?

This guy's got it.

It's got to be one of the most popular fucking podcasts.

He probably makes more money on that podcast than he doesn't even fucking need to play football.

I don't think he's motivated by money.

He's not.

He can't be.

Love or money, apparently.

Well, love of the game.

Yeah, but does that game love you back?

He's got seven rings to say it does.

Yeah, but he had to take those rings.

You think the game loves him?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I think, Erl, you're going to.

He's the babe Ruth

of our generation.

Michael Jordan, Tom Brady, yeah.

There's a lot of people.

Really?

Because Derek Jeter was fucking beloved.

I don't get that same thing about Tom Brady.

People love Tom Brady.

No, but he's going to go down as

in the annals of those like iconic names.

Yeah, that's for sure.

Derek Jeter.

I think it's regional, though, for Derek Jeter, unfortunately.

I don't know.

He was the only person ever to get like, oh, no, he didn't get a unanimous thing, right?

He had that one guy.

I mean, great ball player, great Hall of Fame, everything.

They want to take him, but I don't know.

Derek Jeter is he beloved

by people around here?

Because I got to be honest with you.

I don't know if you know this.

You can't stay in New York anywhere but New York.

They hate it.

Fair enough.

I appreciate it.

I understand what you're saying.

You're right.

And I think that him playing in New York kind of just like Brady, because he won too much.

There's people who always hate him.

Yeah.

And I get that too.

Like, if he was the cause of your team not getting a victory or a championship, I would understand not liking him.

But

I think he's got to be the, like I said, it's like Babe Ruth, Gretzky, Michael Jordan, LeBron,

Tom Brady.

Sure, that sounds right.

Right.

And

it's not a popularity contest because I'm just saying like just the names.

Like they're like, you can go to like

a far

deep in the jungle village.

Yeah.

And you could show them, you know, they show them Santa Claus, Michael Jackson, and Tom Brady, and they know who Tom Brady is.

They know who Tom Brady is.

Yeah.

You want to hear something?

You know who else is on the list?

You're going to laugh at me, but I've seen the market research.

You know, Saved by the Bell, Screech?

Yeah.

Apparently, he is one of the most popular characters in the world.

Like, they know him in.

He's dead, right?

Yeah, but like that TV show.

But the character, not the actor.

Like that nerdy kid.

Apparently, they play Saved by the Bell in like all these countries around the world.

And like they dub it, and Screech is always like, like, he is brand awareness is insane.

How did you find this out?

Because, you know, we get all these

marketing stuff.

You're Yeah, I'm like, who's more popular, me or Street Reach?

You got the you open up the results.

Okay, let's see what the results say.

Shock us.

In every country?

Even in America.

That is hard to believe, though.

Yeah, apparently everybody knows Screen.

At least when I got this information, it was in the last eight years, so maybe it's changed.

The poor dude probably never thought that was going to happen.

If he only had lived, he could have made some bank on that now.

Yeah.

What did he die from?

Cancer, right?

Like pretty aggressive cancer.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

I didn't realize that.

And then everybody came out of the woodwork that was trashing him for years.

I've been like, oh, Dusk was beloved.

And then he was beloved.

Yeah.

Really?

He was getting trashed before that?

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Well, he was kind of an asshole.

Yeah, he was kind of a prick.

I understand that.

What did he do?

Well, you know, he was like starting fights in bars and shit like that.

Yeah, it was like, oh, I'm screech.

But isn't that what all young guys do?

Didn't you've had your.

He's young.

He was in his 40s.

He was older than you.

I mean, you're telling us stories of a young BQ.

Young, young when you're a kid.

Like, I'm not talking about when he was a kid.

He's like, by the way, you probably shouldn't be doing that as a kid either.

But, uh, but yeah, like his adult life was, he did porn.

Didn't he do porn?

He did a porno.

But then it was.

He wrote a book and he trashed everybody.

Yeah, he trashed everybody on the cast, which is why I think he wasn't asked back for the reunion, right?

Yeah.

Or he was dead, one of the two.

Yeah, and then when he died, everybody changed their titles.

How long ago did he die?

Two, three years?

He didn't get much of a

not much of a send-off.

The fucking comic book store clerk got more ink.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.