#531: Bodacious

All the shit that Staten Island takes in pop culture and on this show, and you can't fucking let us have this.

I can't do it unless somebody's watching.

Who would they put in?

Well, somebody who's not a piece of shit.

Good luck finding that in Hollywood.

Yeah, all right.

Tell them, Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt.

Hello.

Walt, I'm excited today.

How come?

BQ's back.

Oh, okay.

Yes, of course.

I love Frank Five.

I love Brian Nichelle, but I really, really love BQ.

Yeah.

Got to be the OG.

It's just not the same.

Yeah.

It's good to be back, boys.

Q's been busy.

Q, you are a busy guy.

This has been, the past two weeks have been like, it's one of those things where it's every day is like just a 12-hour day or a travel day or a travel day followed by a 12-hour day.

So it's like, it's been a little bit much.

I got today, I have one more thing.

Tomorrow, I have another thing.

And then Tuesday, glorious Tuesday.

I have nothing on the calendar.

That's it, man.

And then Wednesday, Thursday, Friday gets back into it.

But, man, I got that Tuesday.

Tuesday.

If nothing.

Oh, I can't wait.

It's all you.

you.

Yeah, can't wait for Tuesday.

That's all right.

But you know what?

Good things,

right?

All good things.

Remember the fucking pandemic when we thought the world was over, and then I, you know, I didn't know what was going to go on.

You know, was it so?

It's like I'm trying to carry a sense of gratitude around.

This is all.

These are good problems to have, right?

And when it stops,

I'll be like, oh man, I wish I was a little bit busier.

So I'm trying to walk that line a little bit.

But it's not getting easier.

As you get older, older.

It doesn't get easier.

Do you wish you had a hectic schedule like Q?

There is absolutely nothing less I would wish for than to have a packed calendar.

Yeah.

A packed calendar just makes me miserable, like knowing I have stuff to do

in front of me, like stuff that

requires a lot of me.

Yeah, I don't enjoy that.

That gives me a little bit of anxiety.

So

I like the way it is right now.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It does give me anxiety, Walt.

It gives me the same feeling you get.

Right.

I mean,

I would imagine it must.

Like, I think that

you could just become just

a slave to your schedule.

Yeah, that's it.

You got it.

That's right.

BQ.

2022

version of slavery.

I'm no less oppressed.

Well, I'm kidding aside now.

I guess slavery is too strong a word.

Yeah, I think so.

It's not the words I would have used.

I should never have used that.

Well, you use a term.

You said a slave to.

You were referring to

the classic

cross-Atlantic slavery trade.

You were just saying.

Yeah.

Somewhere black people in the audience are scratching their heads being like, really?

Like, he's going to a golf thing tomorrow.

Quincy?

You've got two things to do today?

Wow.

They're paying him for that, right?

They're paying him for all that.

Or at least he's going to get a free golf club.

Yeah, so

something positive is coming out of the situation.

But yeah, I can imagine that it could be stressful

just and daunting looking ahead at your calendar if you constantly see, okay, this, this, this, this, and this, and this, and this.

And then where's BQ time?

Tuesday.

Tuesday.

Yeah, Tuesday.

Yeah, it's, it is, it is.

It's, but you know what?

Like I said, it's, it's fun things.

I was in Vegas yesterday.

I'm going to a wedding today.

It's all like, it's fun things, guys.

It's all fun things.

All right.

I was really feeling sorry for you i was gonna nah no need no need okay

yesterday i was cleaning up my fucking septic tank of a pool the day before i was carrying shit in the hot sun well did you win money in vegas uh unfortunately i was i'm down i left vegas down 120

120

yeah 120 000.

no no no no no and i was there for a charity thing so that's the thing like you go there and you you know you do these things and you you watch this video with these sick kids and you start crying and you're like, all right, I guess this is why I'm going to get on a plane and go to Vegas type thing.

That's what I'm saying.

There's nothing to complain about, but the side effect is just like you do look at that calendar and you're like, it's fucking every day.

It's every day for three weeks.

You know what I mean?

And you're like, that's no matter what's on that calendar, you're like, it gets a little bit much.

But again, I can't stress, I'm not complaining.

I want Reddit to blow up.

No,

nothing to do with Reddit.

No, no, no, nothing to do with Reddit.

I'm just trying to maintain like a positive attitude through it through the through these times, these busy times.

That's all.

Somebody wants you to do some charity for some sick kids.

Could they get you to Vegas?

You're going to have to drive there, I guess.

I'll drive there.

I mean, if I felt it would make a difference.

And I would and then I would play them the episode where we did the charity work for the pets in the dog kennel, And I'd be like,

I'm not the man you want.

I know BQ was at another charity event, and that's all you're asking.

But

you need to make sure, like, just find a date when he's free because he's the guy that you're looking for, not me.

Yeah.

I'm not the guy, though.

Like, the Vegas thing, like, I get there, and it's just like Shaq's there.

Guy Fieti's there.

Yeah, like,

Wayne Newton's there.

And I'm like, well, what the fuck does Brian Quinn bring to this table of legends and giants?

So I do end up sitting there being like, you know, and

people who are there are excited to,

you know, see me.

They're like, oh, I love the show, all that stuff.

They bring their kids.

But I'm not, it's like Shaq is like.

Yeah, you know,

he's an icon.

Like, I'm surrounded by, like, it's Shaq, Wayne Newton,

these are icons.

And it's like, and then there's, there's one-fourth of the impractical jokers.

It's just like, well, all right.

But you know what?

You're the only one who's not

considered,

you know, you're still in the throes of your, of your, of, you know, you're currently working actively on television.

Shaq has retired from basketball for over a decade now.

Wayne Newton, I don't even know if, can he perform anymore?

He looked good to me, man.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

I have a picture with it.

Is Wayne Newton alive?

I'd have absolutely no idea.

How old is he?

He's got to be like 80s.

He's in his 80s, yeah.

But he's, I was talking to him a little bit.

He's, he's there, man.

He's not out of it at all.

I'm telling you,

your face, when you walk into the hospital, those kids are going to recognize your face way more quickly than Wayne Newton or Shaq, I think.

Shaq is now known for just being the Dollar General spokesperson.

He's still Shaq, man.

I would say he's.

Yes.

Yeah.

I don't want to admit it's Shaq in any way.

The guy was Steele, man.

You remember Steele?

Oh, I remember Steele.

I don't think anybody else does, but me and you.

But

those kids are going to, because they watch TV.

They're stuck in hospital.

What are they watching?

IJ.

Old YouTube videos of Wayne Newton.

I think you're going to excite those kids way more.

I'll tell you what.

There were a bunch of kids at the event, like ages,

you know, eight to like 16.

Not one of them gave a fuck that I was there.

Really?

What?

Yeah, not one of them.

How do you know this?

Dude, it's a good one.

Because I was sitting at a table, like one over from them, and they were, you know, and they didn't even look my way.

I was like, old product, bro.

Who'd they pay attention to?

Imagine Dragons, which, you know, they're the biggest band on the planet.

So I get, so I completely understand.

At this point, are you a member of Imagine Dragons?

I'm seeing Instagram photos of you on stage and shit.

Did that just make you the tambourine player?

Here, take this.

Oh, my God.

You know what?

I would do that now.

You know how much money I would have have if I was a tambourine player for the fucking Imagine Dragons?

It would be the best.

No, they're just really, really good.

They're like guys that, like, they're just such nice guys that it's hard to say no, you know, when they ask you to do things.

So that's why I've been around them a lot this week.

They're that big, huh?

I didn't know that they were a huge band.

I'm not current.

Their stats are unbelievable.

They're the most listened-to band of the entire decade of 2010.

They got the most downloads on Spotify.

They're like 14-time platinum albums.

It's insane.

Wow.

Yeah, I didn't know this.

No, I wasn't aware of it.

I don't know if I, you know, but I'm so far removed from current music, but I would not have ever guessed that, though.

I don't remember hearing anybody ever really talk about them, though.

Except Q.

Well, no, I mean, I'm just talking about like, I don't, but there again, I'm not traveling in circles where I would, though.

Yeah, me neither.

Yeah,

I'm watching Vivo 70s, and so that's all I I watched.

It haven't popped up yet, surprisingly.

Yeah, I'm the wrong person to take the pulse of what's popular today.

Yeah, well, those guys, their career started, well, not started, but their career took off the same time kind of as Jokers.

And so we, so, and they came on Jokers very early on and helped us out, kind of what we're doing now with the celebrities.

Those Imagine Dragon guys were the first ones to do it.

Like, they came in and like played around with us and let us use their image and name and stuff like that.

And so, over the years, like now, IJ has, you know, gotten successful.

But, I mean, Imagine Dragons, like you can't even compare them to almost anybody around today.

That's how popular they are.

So, you know, it's nice that they always stayed in touch and remembered us as they, you know what I mean?

So, it's like you meet good people who kind of stick with you.

It's, you want to

get that personal connection.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, really early on.

So, so, you know, I feel like a desire and an obligation to help them out.

Plus, they're nice guys.

I mean, if they're just fucking good guys.

Yeah.

So that's my name drop of the week.

But I feel like.

I think that's a plural.

Yeah.

All right.

Very good.

Another guy in music, one of your boys, got in trouble this week.

Who?

Adam Levine.

Do you believe we live in a world where a fucking rock star has to apologize for getting, like, trying to get some pool.

You're just like, what is going on?

That's what he did.

Yeah, it came out that he was sending flirty texts to

a woman that he shouldn't have been.

And then I guess it came out that he was sending them to multiple women, like models and shit.

Like, nothing like too hardcore, but just like.

But no pictures, like, no, none of the

groin pictures.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, or anything.

I don't believe so.

It didn't seem like it.

None that have surfaced yet.

But there is a meme going around where where I guess it's like

his response to a picture that a woman sent him was, Holy fuck, holy fucking fuck, your body is absurd.

And instead of the picture of the woman, they're putting like pictures of like the elephant man

and uh who's the guy from Lord of the Rings,

the gollom and shit.

Smeagel Schmeagel, yeah.

His name is Gollum, isn't it?

I think so, yeah.

His real name's Smeagel, right?

Oh, Oh, okay.

Yeah, his real name Smeagel is.

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, I haven't really done a deep dive on it yet, but I did hear it, and I'm just like, look,

you can't look at a guy who's cheating on his wife and be like, oh, that guy's all right.

You know what I mean?

You got to have a little side eye for that.

But at the same time, he's fucking, isn't he a rock star?

And like, didn't this behave?

Like, this is where we're at.

Rock stars are apologizing for

reaping the main benefit of being a rock star.

Yeah, the reason you go into into music.

I know, yeah.

But these days, man, it's just like you can't trust anyone.

The people you're sending these pictures to and these flirty texts and shit, it's like, just assume at some point this stranger that you don't know will get pissy about something and expose you.

You can't leave

a digital footprint, right?

You can't.

If you're going to partake in

behavior that could come back to hurt you

personally,

then you cannot leave a digital footprint, right?

That's lesson number one.

Well, I think lesson number one would be like: if you're gonna do it, maybe they'll do it from your verified Instagram account.

You know, I mean, that's putting in no effort whatsoever.

The guy didn't even try and dust his tracks over.

I really like if somebody out there can take that meme and put a picture of me at my fattest

so I could be up there with the likes of the Elephant Man and Shmikol.

Do you think that's more hurtful to him and his family?

Now it's become, what do they call it, like a fad, an internet fad, to put somebody else's picture?

Yeah.

Do you think that makes it even more impossible for his wife to

do?

Definitely doesn't help.

Because now it's just like everybody's doing it.

Everywhere you look, you're like, oh.

Do you think he could come out and ask, you know, like, hey, could you guys stop doing that, please?

And do you think people would listen?

Yes.

Like, why are people such jerks?

The internet will take city.

Why are people such jerks that they would be like, oh, okay, yeah.

You know what?

He's going through a tough time right now.

Let's stop doing this.

Because

it's a millionaire rock star.

People are like, fuck him.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

The same reason of, like, oh, this poor fucker had to go to Vegas for a charity thing.

The same reason people don't give a fuck about my schedule.

Because you're like, oh, fuck you, man.

Like, I'm sorry, you're Victoria's Secrets' wife.

Fucking, you were cheating on her with another hottie?

Fuck you.

I get it.

Yeah.

But at the end of the day,

they're all, him and his wife are just human beings.

And they, in this time of,

you know, really trying moment, can he like reach out and be like, hey, humanity, please give me a break here for at least for a while with the jokes?

No, he's like, no.

I don't know if there's a person out there that exists that can be like, that could ask the internet, please take pity on me and don't post any more stuff because it's really hurtful.

I don't think there's a person out there that Jesus himself could tweet that.

People would still be like, fuck you.

You should never turn that shit to wine.

Now look at you.

That is a truth.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I mean, he's,

it's like,

I wouldn't even do it.

Do what?

Like,

send like that kind of shit over Instagram or Twitter or something.

And I'm like about as low level as you can get now.

Like this is a high-profile guy.

Why did you think it wasn't going to happen?

I think you just get trusted.

Maybe you think this person is

genuine and is your soulmate or whatever.

You get caught up in the

affections.

I'm assuming it was somebody he was in a relationship, right?

Or just was it just some person he

found online?

Yeah, I think it was like probably somebody he met at some point, I imagine.

Yeah, I don't know.

All I've heard is people just making fun of it.

I didn't get, never got the facts, facts.

I mean, you just, I think, just get caught up like, she would never do that to me.

It's me.

Yeah, this Instagram influencer.

Come on, it's me.

She ain't going to do that to me.

And neither are the other five people who fucking have turned him in now.

Because that's all it takes is one person.

And then, like, they just, like, it's a cascade of

girls that are like, whoa, he, now they're pissed because they thought they were the only one that they were

straight in pictures.

Well, that's where it gets into it when it's a pattern of things, right?

That's always when the

problems come.

Yeah, that's when people are like,

there's no redemption.

You better just shut up and go away and wait until it dies down.

Yeah.

Deal with your wife's anger.

Fire.

Yeah.

She'd be pissed.

Yeah.

Possible divorce, you'd all know.

But again, like you look at it and you're like, could you imagine anybody holding fucking like Mick Jagger's feet to this fire in the 60s?

Like, oh,

what'd he do?

He cheated on his wife with Bowie?

Cancel him.

And was he, was it?

I mean, I guess it's like it's emotional cheating, sure.

But it's like he was looking at pictures of models on Instagram.

Probably like very similar pictures to what they post already.

Yeah.

And her body was, what did he say her body was?

absurd.

Just give it a compliment.

That's all.

It's nice to see that.

I was complimenting her.

It was building up her self-esteem.

I like the idea that, like, even rock stars of his caliber

are still using the same cheesy lines that all of us use.

Like, when a girl sends a photo, you're like, oh, that shit's hot.

There's no evolved language on it.

It's just like, oh, yeah, nice tits.

Yeah.

We've got to go back to

bodacious and like words like that.

Oh, bodacious would be great.

You know, if I saw Adam looking at me, like, damn, girl, you're bodacious.

I'd have more respect for him.

I'd have so much more respect for him.

Damn, girl, you got that bodacious bot.

Yeah, bodacious booty.

Damn.

Yeah.

In other celebrity news, Brad Pitt, who I always thought was a super cool guy.

Yeah, why he's not lost me.

I saw that he's now hawking

shit like Gwyneth Paltrow.

He wants to start like a goop type

function.

So he's selling like face lotions and skin tightening lotions and that kind of thing.

And you look at Brad Pitt, and immediately you're like, well, wait a second.

He must know something.

Look at the guy.

But me, my bone structure being what it is, not quite as votacious.

Not bodacious.

He's selling these, like, and I'm talking like they almost look like trial size

things of

that you would get at like

heels or something or what?

Yeah, yeah, like a little, like, little tiny jar of it.

And you know, those jars, like, they're deceptive.

Like, it looks like, oh, okay, well, this is a pretty decent-sized jar, but like the inside has like more glass or plastic or whatever on it.

So it, like, it fills it in with plastic as opposed to the product.

So these little things, and it couldn't be more than, I mean, if it's two ounces, it's a gallon.

480 bucks

for like this one-face thing.

Like the lowest price one was $425.

And I'm like, Jesus.

Goddamn, Brad Pitt.

Don't you have to do it?

How do you need money this bad?

He owns chalets in France.

He's got some kind of company.

I can't remember what the company is with Angelina Jolie.

They're fighting over it currently.

Yeah, you've got to wonder why.

Why is he doing this?

Yeah, like why?

Like, why

basically rip people off?

Because you know it's not going to fucking do what you say it's going to do.

You know that.

Why not?

Why won't it do it?

Yeah, because, I mean, if he's using the product and it's working for him,

what makes you think it won't work

for John Q?

Dude, I don't care if that dude rubbed urine on his face.

it's gonna he's still gonna look like brad pitt he's gonna be looking good his face skin's gonna be looking tight i mean you don't think it has anything to do with the with the with the putty he's selling i don't think so putty no

i don't think so no i don't think so no because he's always looked like brad pitt and uh i mean maybe right now as he gets older i think he's like what 60 or so or i don't know yeah probably around that 50s you think it's more a surgical than putty?

No, I think it's genetic.

I think Brad Pitt was blessed with genetics that the rest of us could only dream of.

Well,

I think you bring up an interesting point, Walt.

Like, what if he really does use this on a daily basis?

What if he does?

But why now?

Why can't he do that?

He's going through a divorce.

Well, that's been going on for a while, though.

But why now reveal the secret?

It was pretty shitty of him to keep it to himself for this long, then.

Yeah, the rest of us could have benefited at some point.

So he's on your shit list no matter what.

If it works, he's on your shit list.

If it it doesn't work, he's on your shit list.

He's 58.

Yeah, that's the thing, though.

What if he actually is using these creams and he believes them to be the secret

to his good looks and his youthful looks?

And you're attacking him, but he actually is

revealing to the world, this is what I use.

Okay.

That I could get into.

That I would be like, all right, he uses it.

I still want to to believe it, even if he's like, I use it.

But he uses it.

He's like, it works.

I've seen lines decrease in my crow's feet.

I've seen like my black bags disappear.

I'd be like, why the fuck does it have to cost $500?

That's a good cue.

Can you answer that?

Can you.

Well, we don't know what.

I mean, probably his fee to

be.

No, I don't know.

I don't know what's in it.

Like, you know?

You got to make it somewhat exclusive.

But

this means that Brad Pitt at some point commissioned scientists to make him putty.

Because he's not using putty that already existed and slapping his name on it, right?

I don't know.

I don't know.

He's the first to hear it.

That would be.

That he just grabbed some

over-the-counter stuff that he was using, and now he's going to take that stuff and just...

repackage it as his own.

Give me your cheese.

We don't know.

Yeah, I don't know what to say to that, bud.

Like, maybe, I mean, maybe he did, like, maybe they're like, well, when they sell this shit on the open market, it usually has 5% of this stuff.

He goes, my stuff is 10%.

You know, maybe he played with the formula a little bit.

I mean, Brad Pitt's given us a lot.

I don't understand why we're turning on Brad Pitt.

For Fight Club alone, we should give him a pass on this sort of shit.

Fight Club got him a huge cushion, but when I saw the

sense of that shit, seven.

Once upon a time in Hollywood.

I mean, you know, what's the Inglorious Bastards?

I mean, what has Brad Pitt ever done to us that we can't let him sell a face cream?

We can't let him be a snake oil salesman.

Yeah, we got to call him out on it.

We don't know that he is.

We don't know that he is.

And we're not doing the research.

I know.

Absolutely.

You're right.

Yeah.

My research ended at the post article I read when I'm like, this is bullshit.

But my point is, like, if we're not doing the research on it, why not Brad Pitt, who's given us so much?

Why don't we give him the

benefit?

Benefit of the doubt.

Benefit of the doubt.

There's been enough on Gwyneth Paltrow's goop, and I've been in one of her goop stores.

I've seen the $75 water bottles and shit like that.

Like, you know,

I don't know.

There's some more evidence for goop being like that snake oil stuff than Brad Pitt.

Plus tax evasion.

Why, he did tax evasion.

No, no, no, Gwyneth Paltrow's goop.

Oh, yeah.

But again, you know, she gave us seven, you know?

Yeah, she wasn't the best part of that, though.

Her head was in the box, though, at the end.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Well, I'm not going to go to bat for Gwyneth Palcher like I will Brad Pitt, but I do think Brad Pitt's given us so much that let himself.

I'd love to overlook this.

Because you don't have to buy it if you don't want to.

You don't have to buy it if you don't want to.

And at those prices, the only people buying it are the people you don't care if they spend the money anyway.

Yeah.

Let them fleece the rich.

Chops.

Yeah, let them do it.

I can't imagine.

It's Tyler Durden, man.

Come on.

You are not your putty.

Yeah, I don't know.

That's how I feel.

But, you know.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe I'm turned around on this.

Yeah.

Sell it, and if people want to buy it, that's the whole basis of the American system, right?

It's fucking the whole thing of the United States, bro.

And you know what?

Remember how much he meant to you when you were in super shape and you were like, I want to look like Brad Pitt Fight Club?

He was like your North Star.

Can't turn on him now.

Never reached it.

You look pretty good, though, in your pursuit of it.

In the pursuit of it, yeah, until somebody was like, I was like, 195 pounds.

I'm like, you got to lose 20 more pounds and not drink water for three days.

And this month's men's health has

something on it, something on Brad, like Brad Pitt's fight club workout, which

they never tell you in the article what the workout is,

but they do talk about that, like how he didn't drink water.

And it's like he's got Brad Pitt genetics.

It's just

some people do, some people don't.

You know, you look at guys like Van Dam back in the heyday,

and you're like, this is a guy with genetics.

Like, no matter how much I worked out, I'm not going to look like Van Damme.

No.

But

very inspiring.

Now, yeah.

I don't even know if Brad Pitt could pull it off again.

I would like to be that guy, wouldn't you?

Walt, like, so like for whatever reason, they're like, that level of

awesomeness is unattainable for the average human being.

Oh, you want to be

that high on a pedestal?

Yeah.

Oh, no, no, that's terrifying.

Yeah.

Because they just want to knock you off it.

Well, yeah, because it's like, you know,

it could fuck with your head, though.

If you're that, if you're put on that big, a tall of a pedestal above everybody else.

Yeah, no, that's not healthy either.

Then you start selling face creams and shit.

Yeah.

And you don't realize, you know, how shabbily, you know, you come off to, you know, or like a a huckster.

To a guy who at one time was working out for idolized him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was like, that's what I want.

Brad Pitt in Fight Club or Brad Pitt in Snatch.

Snatch is another.

Oh, Snatch.

Yeah, man.

I think you got to go home.

You got to watch a couple of Brad Pitt movies tonight, man.

And come correct next week.

I wish Brad Pitt.

I mean, the first Ocean's 11 was pretty fucking fun.

I think people forget.

Yeah.

I don't know if I've seen a Brad Pitt movie.

All the ones you're mentioning, I haven't seen.

I saw Cool World.

Okay.

Not his best.

But I vaguely remember it.

It was a cartoon.

Yeah, it was animated, right?

Kim Basinger is Hollywood.

Yeah, and there was a cat, I think.

Yeah,

it wasn't that good, but it was a good try.

The animation looked cool.

You never saw Seven?

I don't know if I've ever saw Seven.

You would like it.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah, you'd like a lot of greedy, Yeah.

Like noir.

I know the catchphrases, like what's in the box and everything.

Right.

So if I only know it from people doing it, I don't think I'm, I can't put it to any kind of visuals, though.

So I must not have seen it.

Oh, I think you'd love it, Walt.

Yeah, I think it'd love it.

Yeah, I've heard about it.

Yeah, I should check it out.

You know, Kevin Spacey's in it, so

your stomach may turn as you watch it, Walt.

Oh, okay.

Well, there's no

new version where he's been edited out.

Oh, that would be something

or digitally put a different actor in

over his.

Who would they put in?

Well, somebody who's not a piece of shit.

Good luck finding that in Hollywood.

Yeah, all right.

That includes you, Q.

Fuck you.

Walt, I want to to say you have a bodacious body.

Don't tell anyone.

Yeah,

you're cool.

You're not going to say anything, right?

Oh, sure.

I'll never say anything.

Walt, I have what's good news for Q, but bad news for you and me.

It's always good news for Q.

It has been a pretty sunny.

It's been quite a run, huh?

A couple years.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

This is like the worst year of my life this past year.

This is the most stressful year of my life.

What the fuck?

We contemplated suicide.

Well, you're going to be happy that you didn't.

Okay.

Thank you.

Cam Sota, the adult entertainment company behind a newly launched penis review website revealed you'll have to ride the Staten Island Ferry to find the hottest sausages in the Big Apple.

Whoa, here we go.

Yep.

Over the past two months, 1,617 New Yorkers dropped their trousers and asked models for their opinions on what they were packing downstairs, and the Forgotten Borough made a lasting impression with junk on the island, receiving an average of 8.89.

That's right, baby.

That's because all the fucking Italians.

Uh-huh.

Although, far behind were Brooklyn Knights at 7.21, the Bronx at 6.76, and Queens at 6.54.

And then Manhattan at 5.01.

So are we telling them that's the average length, or are they rating that, like, out of one, out of one out of 10?

I think that's 10.

Yeah, I think that's 10.

So 8?

8.89.

That's almost a 9.9.

Yeah.

I could have told you that.

Yeah.

I've seen a lot of them.

No,

because I know the population of Staten Island is, or at least when I was growing up, and certainly the penises in play today are largely Italian.

It's a very

thick borough.

Yo.

The eye ties.

You know, a lot of like, remember James Conn and the Godfather?

How at like his fucking sister's wedding, even then he couldn't stop like nailing bridesmaids and stuff like that?

That's that.

There's a lot of that on Staten Island.

There's a reason they shot that scene on Staten Island.

Did they shoot that scene on Staten Island?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

That does make sense.

I would like to know how this

review went down, though.

If the models

were able to see the faces and the bodies

and the political leanings,

no, not no, but if like they got to see, like, okay, some

nice-looking guy with no gut in his 20s, you know, pull it down and she's like, oh, that's, that's almost an eight-point something.

But if they just took a black box and just, you know, a total black screen and just cut out a box where you only see the pecker and you can't see what else is around the pecker, up or down.

Then I would put a little bit more credence to this unscientific

vote that was garnered for Staten Island.

Because I guarantee you, if some schlob,

you know,

with a big fat gut, pulled it up and then showed his pecker, and I was like, and they were like, well, you look at my window last night.

I thought he was talking to me.

i don't know if he's if they're going to get eights close to nines though because i think you have to you have to weigh in what the what it's attached to right that plays a major factor in the final number i would think

i got to imagine that's true yeah i mean because otherwise they all kind of look the same right yeah but they but if they I doubt that they favored one borough over the other.

I'm sure the control of it was across the board.

So however they saw it, everybody had their opportunity to present the flat stomachs and peckers.

But Staten Islands were the only ones that did.

So, you know what I'm saying?

If the playing field is level across all boroughs, then what difference does it make?

I'm just saying, I don't know if

the numbers are really accurate, though, because it's not really based upon the Pecker appearance.

It's based probably more about

what's around it.

All the shit that Staten Island takes from pop culture and on this show, and you can't fucking let us have this.

You got to tear this apart.

You can't just let Staten Island have the fucking greatest peckers in the city.

Well, according to Walt, you do.

Maybe Walt might disagree.

It says, when getting sized up, penises are graded on the basis of their length, girth, and overall shape.

Good lighting and manscaping below the belt also helped.

How you present your dick is how you present yourself, says Charlie Hart, a Miami-based cam model.

I'll even tell guys, well, it's a seven, but if you trimmed, it would take it to an eight.

I agree.

Majority of the models noted that Staten Island Johnson's, oh,

I hate that word,

tended to resemble cucumbers, while Manhattan Manhood was long but thin like a pencil.

Oh, my God.

I mean, that's horrible.

Do you think it comes down to like where you grow up?

What's wrong with you?

I would say no, I think whatever, I think Staten Island, because remember, there wasn't even a bridge here until the 60s.

It was a very closed community.

And I think that, you know, the genetic pool,

very, very Italian, some Irish.

And there's some Irish in there, too.

They're going to bring that number down.

Yeah, which might bring the number down.

You would have got a perfect tennis punt for the Irish.

I say that as though with the last name Quinn.

Yeah.

So I think it was just, I think it's like you're going to see a very similar pool of penises on Staten Island because of the relatively, until recently, relatively limited genetic stock.

So if you like what you see, you're going to see a lot of it.

Can you feel really any

pride in that?

I mean, in all seriousness,

can you really feel any kind of pride in such a

show here?

But in general, no, I don't.

I couldn't possibly care about this at all.

There are guys, though, that read that article and are like, fucking, I mean,

there's a part of me that is like, fuck yeah, but it's a small part.

Yeah.

We should put it on the sign when you come over the very sound of the Staten Island, isn't it?

Home of the big dick.

Yeah.

You'll like what you see, Staten Island.

It is a very kind of small pool to draw from, though, like 1600 people

in boroughs that are like number in the millions.

Yeah, but how many people do you need before you have a sampling?

You know, I don't know.

The data release follows the launch of CamSoda's BargainBin Dickratings.com, where for 99 cents, Cam models give dick pics a once over.

That's what I want to spend my dollar on.

Feeling bad about myself.

Yeah.

Give it up.

And who does it matter to?

Really, it matters matters to you and to usually one other person

yeah but i mean

it still would be nice right well they didn't do it they didn't do a sampling in jersey so who knows jersey might topple them topple staten island

but if you like like you live in staten island but if you happen to you were born in brooklyn right i was born in brooklyn yeah and lived there for a couple years uh like a year and a half now do you consider yourself from Brooklyn, or do you consider yourself from Staten Island?

I mean, I consider myself from Staten Island,

but there's no doubt that my obituary would not say

Staten Island native.

It would say lifelong Staten Islander.

And there is a difference there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But,

you know, look, man, I'm just keeping on the immigrant tradition.

You know, my mom was an immigrant, came over from Italy.

I came over the the boat to Staten Island, you know?

So just like my mother, I'm a bit of a, you know, I'm an immigrant.

And I, and I think on my dad's side, I'm only third generation.

And they also came, my dad was born on Staten Island.

So, you know, it's all,

I mean, I don't think Brooklyn's looking to claim me.

I think they're fine with me taking Staten Island.

Fucking, they would have, they would have to fight Staten Island.

I don't know.

I know Brooklyn does have like, who do they got?

Beastie Boys.

I mean, they got everybody.

Sure.

I mean, Brooklyn's, I mean, you would, you got to argue is definitely like the coolest borough.

I mean, pop culture-wise, like a lot of shit comes out of there, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, I know a girl who was born in Brooklyn, lived there for five years, but then moved to Jersey.

And to me, it's like when you're like, oh, where are you from?

It's like, it's where you grow up, or like where you mostly grow up.

Yeah.

You know?

I agree.

Yeah, I would never tell people I'm from Brooklyn.

What does that mean?

Yeah.

Now,

we all know that Q

has a plan when somebody dies.

There's

somebody who's going to die.

Yeah.

Q is going to relieve himself.

Yeah.

But can he outdo this guy?

Man with 48-year grudge caught peeing on his ex-wife's grave every day by her kids.

A man with an apparent 48-year grudge has been going each morning to urinate on the grave of his ex, much to the horror of her furious kids, who realized something was wrong when they discovered bags of poop left at their mom's final resting place.

I mean, that's some clue, right?

Yeah, I think that would tip anybody off.

The son said, I felt like getting out and killing him.

When asked what it was like to watch the man, he says, has been desecrating the burial site of his mom.

How old is this dude?

He's pretty old.

He's been married for 48 years?

No, he wasn't married.

He was I mean he was married, but hold on let me see.

I'll find it.

I think it was like he was the guy was briefly married to the woman in the 70s,

but I guess he just was like so

pissed at her and held such a grudge that oh, he's done it for 48 years.

I guess he's been.

No, this is 48 years later.

It doesn't say like when he started.

Oh, okay.

But it did say that they finally set up.

I guess it was only once he, they don't know how long he's been pissing, but the bags of shit that were found, I guess that tipped him off.

So they set up a camera.

They said that the

first, the first camera was too grainy to tell,

but then they said that the videos that the guy, the son and the sister got indicated that the man drove to the cemetery almost every morning between 6.14 and 6.18 with his current wife, got out of the car, walked to the woman's grave, and peed on it.

What happened in that marriage?

It had to be something so horrendous.

Look,

my last relationship was not all

flowers and sunshine,

but

I wouldn't be pissing and shitting on graves

if it were local.

Like, it just like, I don't know, like you let go of shit, you know.

But this guy certainly was incapable of that.

Like, she, I think of some of the horrible shit, and I'm like, yeah, that probably deserves like a tinkle or two.

But

to go every day for God knows how long, and you get your new wife to go with you.

I'm very about to get in the car.

Come on, we're taking our quick run.

Especially at that time of the morning, every day.

That's where I'm like, I can't sleep in.

You can't do this by yourself.

Why do I got to go?

I kind of want to know his side of the story, though.

Don't you want to know

what did she do that he would not give that up?

Because when the time comes for me to do

my final tribute,

how old might I be?

Do I want to climb a fence in the middle of the night?

I might just let it go.

You know what I'm saying?

Well, this is a revelation.

There's a chance you might be like, you know what?

I'm not going to do it.

I mean, you never know.

Like, I don't, you know, who knows?

You know, it's more of a bit on this show than anything else at this point.

So it's like, I'd want to do it.

But at the same point, you're like, you know, what is that going to entail?

What if I get caught?

What if I get caught?

Well, is it a crime, first off?

Well, according to this, the son claims he's gone to the cops at least three times and they refuse to let him speak to a a detective.

And a woman who answered the phone at an Orangetown police station Saturday referred a call from the post to the police captain who said she's not in on weekends.

And then

the guy goes, the son goes, I don't know if the man owns a dog or is shitting in a bag himself or is getting some dog shit.

All I know is that he's using my mother's grave as his toilet every morning.

Does that give you pause, though?

You know, that maybe

that's not the route to go.

Well, he didn't get caught, so I mean, he didn't get caught, but he didn't get in trouble.

Right, but look at the look at the fallout, though.

Well, there probably wouldn't be much fallout, but

I don't know.

Every day seems like a

like that just seems like a.

I would never begrudge anybody pissing on a grave like once, maybe twice.

But like, you go every day for all that time, and it's like it says more about you than it does about the person in the grave.

I think therapy needed.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, don't you think?

It says the pissy man left Murphy's mother, that's the son, when she was pregnant and never had anything to do with his biological daughter, the son claims, except for one time earlier this year when he ran into the daughter and said he wished she were dead and cursed her and her mother.

He could have been out there peeing for five years and we wouldn't have known, Murphy said.

We only found out because of the feces.

See, that's where he gave himself away.

Maybe you need to adjust your plan a little bit, Q.

I still think he can get away with it once.

Yeah.

And I wouldn't leave it in a bag.

What's he fucking doing leaving it in a bag?

You dig a little hole.

That's a terrible idea.

Yeah, you fill the hole.

You cover it up so that person has to live or spend their eternity underneath his shit.

That's the idea.

He might be mentally ill, though.

The guy?

Yeah.

I would say that's probably a safe bet.

Yeah, I think so.

It's unlikely that he just started.

He's probably been doing it for a while.

I think, like, Q talks about doing it, and there's no hint of mental illness.

Really?

No.

It does like, well, to me, it seemed, I know the situation.

To me, it seems totally rational.

I'm not even privy to what happened or who it is or anything, but yeah, when you say it with such, like, there's no

sense of mental illness in the speech.

It feels like it's...

Yeah, yeah, I could see this, and it sounds almost normal when you talk about it.

All right, thank you.

He's normalized shit on a grave

for everyone.

Well, you know why, maybe?

Because it's a hypothetical right now.

It's like something we laugh about.

I haven't done it, so it's a little, but if I come in one day and I'm like, guys, I fucking did it.

I did a fucking pet cemetery.

I crawled into the grave at night.

You know what I mean?

It was three in the morning, and I dropped trowel and took a dump on the grave and ran out.

Like, it might be different in reality if I came in and walked it through the night.

I still think if you tell me, I'm still giving you a fist bump.

That's my boy.

Yeah, I still.

I gotta make sure he wipe while watching.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like, don't do it right after.

Like, there isn't much I wouldn't do for Q, but if he's like, look,

between 6:14 and 6:18 a.m.

every morning, I'm going to need you to come with me.

On this person's grave, I need a witness.

Yeah.

I can't do it unless somebody's watching.

Maintaining eye contact the entire time.

Good job, Q.

You're doing a good job.

Thanks, bud.

If I ever get put in a nursing home, I don't want any woke do-gooders ruining my good time.

Woke do-gooders.

Yeah.

What do you got?

Nursing home was forced to apologize for hiring a stripper to perform for senior citizens in wheelchairs.

Now, this is in in Taiwan.

This isn't in America.

But a state-run facility for retired Army personnel in Taiwan paid the adult entertainer for a steamy show to celebrate the mid-autumn festival, an important holiday in Chinese culture, whereby people gather to celebrate the white rice and wheat harvests of the season.

And then somebody took video of it.

Video has fucking destroyed any good times that you can have.

In this fucking

time somebody's having a good time, there's another person that'd be like, oh, no, you don't look at this video.

I don't know.

I see

none of the residents complained.

No, the residents like there's a picture of one guy squeezing her boob.

And this is all like, these guys are old, man.

These guys are like 80s, 90s.

But I maintain: if you found out one of your loved ones was in a nursing home and this happened, you would question

the

staff and their ability to care for your elderly elderly loved ones if they're if they think this is a proper thing to do though.

I don't think you guys would be like

Yeah, go Gramps.

Yeah, like oh, he got a squeeze.

He squeezed a tit.

I still think you guys would be like Did this stripper fucking like take money from my from my grandfather?

Right.

You know, did he take did she take advantage of him?

I think I would talk to my grandfather about it.

And if he's like, dude, that was the fucking best day I've had in 30 years, I'd be like, all right, well, I've been rotting away in this place.

Finally, like you don't trim comes in.

yeah nobody visits me i haven't seen you think just because you're that age you don't you don't want to see some fucking like hot body grinding of course you do you just can't do anything about it i think it's i'm not saying you just showed up because you read in the newspaper you read in the post that the stripper came to your grandfather's uh nursing home you've been there i'm assuming you've been there weekly visiting him and you said no one visits him so i think though that both you guys are full of shit you would be like no this place is not the place for my grandfather if they think this is the proper way to entertain my grandfather in his golden years, I'm their suspect.

They have to.

Go ahead.

No, I understand that.

I don't disagree with that.

I think that thought would be in there.

But again, I think it comes down to grandpa, how do you feel?

And if he's like, please keep me here.

But he's clouded.

He's clouded because he saw some nipples.

I mean, you know, good for him.

Yeah, but I.

Yeah, but isn't that a good thing?

Like, how much more time do you have left to be clouded?

Like, I would be like, if that's me, I'm like 90.

I'm in the fucking nursing home.

I'm like, what am I doing with these fucking with this money anyway?

Oh, so you just give it to a stripper.

Well, not all of it, but some of it.

Yeah, but if she's coming, she wants like dollars or fives or whatever, probably fives at the moment.

She's like, Papa Johnson, I need 20s.

20s, huh?

50s.

Well, hold on, let me go back to my room.

Well, you know what?

Let me just tell you where it is.

You go get it.

Oh, she's calling me Papa Johnson and looking like this.

Oh, goddamn.

I think you're ready to give up everything.

Oh, sure.

You sign over,

you make her the executor of your will because she's last you some titties.

Yeah.

And then you're done.

And then fucking.

You're going to be like, Sage who.

And then maybe you guys aren't so like, where are the woke fucking people to look out for me?

There he is.

I can't see him.

I don't wear my glasses.

Yeah, he's squeezing boobs and stuff.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know, man.

I'm going to be led by my grandfather in that one, Walt.

I still think, though, that the grandpa could be, again, just bamboozled by a pair of bodacious Tatas, man.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, nice.

He could just be so

out of his mind

and not really see the implications of what just happened and how he possibly could be taken advantage of.

I admit that's a concern, but if the alternative to it is he's just sitting there watching love boat reruns, I don't know.

Yeah, you heard what I said.

That's what me and Gibb are doing if we're not in a nursing home.

And you guys got fantasies right across the fucking street.

They'd rather watch Fantasy Island than go to fantasies.

All right, okay, what if it's your grandma?

Sweet old grandma.

And all of a sudden, then some dude with a fuck Staten Islander walks in.

Staten Island stripper, male stripper walks in, and his sausage is all over grandma's face.

She's loving it.

You got video of it.

You were watching grandpa when he was squeezing tits.

You're like, yeah, go, grandpa, go, grandpa, go.

And now,

and now, grandma,

she's got whipped cream and she's having an ice cream Sunday, basically.

Is it the same reaction, you sexist pig?

Answer me.

you got lawyers, you're shutting down that nursing home.

Grandma is fucking in a new nursing home within 12 hours.

Your heads are on pikes for what happened to Grandma Quinn.

That's a good point.

I don't want to answer the question.

That's my grandmother, man.

But she's like, no, no, Q.

It was a straight line.

Please, no, don't take me out.

I want to stay.

She wants me to stay.

No, I would leave her.

I would leave her.

Really?

Let Grandma have her fun, man.

She's got a taudry video, though.

I'm like, guys, maybe you could just not video it.

Like, just, you know,

have a no-phone rule.

Yeah, like Louis C.K.

does it.

I think Dave Chappelle does it, where it's like you go into

a comedy show, they take your phone, they put it in a bag, no phone.

Oh, a lot of guys do it.

Tons of comedians do it now.

Imagine Dragons do it?

No, they don't do it.

They want to be practical.

But I think that

Sebastian Maniscalo does it, I think.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's like a common thing now.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think they should do that.

The goddamn phone.

Oh,

ruined, ruined, ruined everything for everybody.

For everybody, like I said, when I went down to Key West last time, I'm like, nobody's flashing at all.

And I think it's because people don't want to end up on the internet.

Like, when you and I used to go down in the early 2000s, it was just like

people would be like, what are you talking about?

I'm on a website.

What website?

It just wouldn't occur to them that somebody's taking a printed picture, scanning it, and then uploading it to some website, website, you know?

Whereas today, like in seconds, you're fucking online.

I mean, if you're not being live streamed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not, it's, it's, people who, who didn't live in the world before it is what it is now, and not just for boob, boob reasons, um, will never understand.

I don't, I don't know when.

any generation will ever get to experience what we got to experience, which is like just freedom and autonomy.

And like,

I think it's done.

I think it's done.

I don't think you could get that back.

And I think a generation of kids who spent the last two years sitting at home texting each other,

you know what I mean?

And so like, that's how they learned to communicate with each other instead of being at school and stuff like that.

I think the problem just got accelerated and got worse.

But dude, more and more, I'm just like, and I know you guys have kids,

but I am like,

fucking so glad I I just never had kids and won't have kids.

I'd be like,

what is it going to be like 10 years from now?

It's crazy.

It's too much.

It's just too much.

I brought Sage to the park yesterday, and there was a guy coming from what they call Middletown Day.

It's like a

town-wide.

We were celebrating coming in 10th in the Pecker borough.

Still top 10, bud.

Still top 10.

Everybody was showing them.

Well, that's because I, because I, because the one Irish guy, the smart guy, me, decided not to go down and just put it on display.

That's okay, Flanagan.

We're going to bring the rating down.

I think you've eaten enough pizza in your time that you qualify as half Italian.

But there was a guy with a son who was

maybe seven and a daughter who's like nine.

They did not stop fucking bickering the entire time.

And the guy is is like

non-stop.

Like, if you don't stop, we're going to go home.

You know what?

Get off that train.

We're going home.

We're going to go home.

Until eventually it's like, it just, it drove him crazy enough that he's like, God, we're going.

God damn it.

And then they left.

But like, that's, like, that reminds me of my childhood, like, just bickering with my sister constantly.

Yeah.

And

I think the reason was because my parents fought all the time.

You know, Pam and Edgar were constantly going back and forth and bickering and shit.

And like, it was years later.

I remember like when I was on the the pills and living at Pam's house that she tried to convince me that she and Edgar never fought.

She's like, me and daddy never fought.

I was like,

my fucking head exploded.

What's that called when someone tries to dementia?

No, no.

So it's like a current trendy term when someone tries to tell you you're

gaslighting?

Is that what it's called?

Yeah, she's Pam is a master gaslighter.

She's going to fall out of it.

You didn't fight, did you?

It was fucking Wally and Beaver.

She would have you believe.

Yeah.

But yeah,

that made me glad that I didn't have two kids to argue.

Did you find your girls fought a lot?

They're enough, were they far enough apart from that?

They fought more as they got older.

Like shit that I guess is common, but still like, come on.

It's just like about clothes, like going into the other one's room and taking clothes

when they're, you know.

in their 20s now and they're doing that and it still just like drives the other one mad.

Really?

But then they have the like the ridiculous like like, but you just did it last week.

What are you mad about?

Right.

It's like, I don't understand that rationale.

It's like, you're pissed off that she took the sweater, but last week you took her pants and wore them and you didn't get permission.

So like, how can you, you don't have a leg to stand on?

Is this what you say, or do you just back away?

Oh,

I just turned the TV on louder.

Oh, Captain Stupid.

I can't hear what he's saying.

Let me turn it up.

But there's the next door neighbor.

They have kids.

And the other day,

I had the door open because it was nice out.

And I could have swore I heard the kid, like the boys, and he's only like seven.

I could have sworn he said motherfucker.

And I stopped what I was doing.

And I was just like, no,

there's no way he said motherfucker to his sister.

And so I just let it go.

And then I went upstairs and I'm talking to Dev.

And I was like, it's so funny, man.

I could have swore I heard that kid say MF her when he was out there.

And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah.

He says it all the time.

Really?

And I was like, what?

I go, yeah.

She goes, yeah, I hear him saying that.

He says that word constantly.

Huh.

Yeah.

So, I mean, it's a different day and age.

If that's like in front of the parents and everything?

I don't think, I mean, I don't know if the parents are out there, but yeah, he dropped MFR on his sister who's like five and he's like seven.

Wow.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, to wrap up this

show, yeah, the

nursing home conceded that

the

erotic dancer's actions were too enthusiastic and fiery, and they would be more cautious when planning of such events in the future.

And there was also a more sedate game of bingo and some karaoke in an adjoining nursing hall.

Who are those guys that are like, there's a stripper right there?

Right in the next room.

They're in the nursing home with their wives, probably.

Oh, yeah, you're probably right.

I don't need that, honey.

I don't want that.

That would be the worst.

Unless you have like a wife that's like, yeah, man, I'm down.

Let's go watch the stripper.

They're out there.

But

we're going to sing karaoke.

Yeah.

Speaking of nursing homes, and

do you remember a senior community we talked about years ago where a TSD listener worked in the library and he put out Tell'em Steve Dave episodes on CD?

Yeah, yeah.

Yes.

Got an update.

His name was Taylor.

And

another listener went to the the nursing community where I guess it's where senior citizens live in this community.

And he went to the community for some reason and he found the library and he asked if Taylor was still working in the library.

And he said, no, he doesn't work in the library any longer.

He runs the place.

Whoa.

Yeah, so

I wonder if Taylor listens.

So it goes to show you that that did not hurt his

professional career in the least, putting out those episodes of TSD on CD.

I'd make the argument that it boosted it before he wasn't in charge.

After putting out those episodes, now he's in charge.

right?

Yeah.

Pretty cool, though, right?

You know, I think so.

Can we get, can we encourage him to write in?

Well, I wrote back to the listener that let me know that he's now run the place.

I was like, that's pretty cool.

I wonder if the guy even still listens at this point, though.

He might not even be a listener anymore.

Yeah, well, if you are listening, Taylor.

Yeah, we'd like to hear.

Yeah, someone's beeping in, bro.

Yeah, I'm not going to answer that right now.

But yeah, I'd like to hear his rise.

You know, that would be interesting podcasting, right?

I mean, if we're involved in the rise, yes.

If not, then no, it's probably a lot of administrative work.

I'm a little worried.

I haven't heard an ad break.

Is this two weeks ago?

Last week of the month, yeah.

Last week of the month, there's never ads, but last week.

Well, last week we didn't have any ads in it.

Last week, no ads.

And trust me, I had a talking joke.

Why?

Why is it your fault?

Oh, it's not my fault.

No, I did the talking joke.

Oh, okay.

I was like, damn.

I did the talking, too.

And what was the talk about?

Well, why don't we have ads?

And what was the answer?

The answer is because I guess they're not, like, the company isn't, companies aren't doing as much advertising on podcasts anymore.

But she did secure, I think, Green Chef.

She secured, so she said October is pretty packed.

Nice.

So, yeah.

I was like,

fucking around.

I've been getting

that out of context.

I've been getting some updates on the Halloween episode

for our big Halloween celebration.

It's shaping up to be pretty fucking amazing.

It's something else.

Walt sent me the

Sunday Jeff one.

Oh, that's the Sunday Jeff one.

Then you've got to get on Patreon because this is fucking cool.

Really?

But yeah, but the one that I'll give you a little insight.

For listeners who aren't familiar with Abner Costello Me, Frankenstein,

should watch it, the movie, before listening to the episode because

it's basically an homage to that movie.

The greatest monster movie, I believe, in my opinion.

I know a man of your age is going to be like, you're going to be more in the 80s, which is good because you know what?

The 80s are represented in this too.

Great.

I want to be very clear.

I love that movie.

Okay, great.

So you will love this then.

And if you have any affection for Abner and Stell Me Frankenstein,

then this is

going to be your favorite Tell him Steve Dave Halloween special.

Nice.

Masses of people are like, I don't have any affection for them.

Now what do I do?

There's like 10 people

who are like pumping their fist right now.

I tell you what, like,

as we get new crew members on IJ who are young, these people are like 19, 20, 21.

This last season at work pushed, I was like, they didn't even heard of Abbott and Costello because I have those two raccoons that live in my yard that are named Abbott and Costello.

And so I was telling the story, and one of the kids is, I call them kids again, but they're like, what's Abbott and Costello?

And I'm like, you never heard of Abbott and Costello.

They never fucking even heard of them.

So I was, I wrote down, I took out a piece of paper, like, I wrote down a bunch of Abbott and Costello stuff.

I'm like, you guys got it.

Watch this.

Just watch this and let me know.

And every one of them was like, that was, they never heard of who's on first.

Like, one of them came back to.

We have failed.

We have failed the generation, though.

I put that shit off for my daughters

right out of the womb.

I was like, you know what?

That's going to be what they watch to fall asleep at night

in the crib.

Who's the first?

I agree.

And it's not like it's not funny.

Has it traumatized them?

That's the thing.

It's not like it's not funny anymore.

It's like when these kids watch it, they were like, holy shit, that's so funny.

Well, my oldest daughter, when she had to watch it for something that I asked her to do,

she goes,

pudgy guy is definitely special needs, right?

And I was like, no, not at all.

I go, well, he's constantly letting the other one slap him in the face.

She said,

she goes, that's comedy I said back then.

But you got the joke.

She goes, I don't know how anybody thought that was funny, though.

Like, why would someone, another man slapping another man in the face be funny?

And I was like, Did you watch the Oscars last year?

Didn't you?

The internet went crazy.

I said,

it's still a fucking go-to.

I said.

yeah, Abbott and Costello seemed a little bit more good-natured behind the scenes.

You're right, though.

I mean, a man slapping another man was like worldwide news.

Yeah.

You remember Stinky

on the Abbott and Costello show?

Still one of the greatest characters.

That's the guy who took the place of Curly, you know, in the Three Stooges.

Oh, really?

Yeah, like towards the end of the Three Stooges run, they had rotating curlies.

It was Shemp and then Curly Joe.

And then the guy who played Stinky was

one of the last people to play the third Stoog.

Okay, he was.

I mean, Stinky is amazing.

I mean, that's, I just referenced him when we did the Shark Week special when the flashbacks is me as a little kid.

I'm like, you got to dress me as Stinky.

I think they sent the costume department pictures of Stinky.

To like the costume.

So he's still impacting

entertainment today.

I would be shocked if he wasn't on the 10 most influential comedians

in 2022.

Stinky's got to be up there in the top, in the top, at least top 25.

There's no fucking way he's even in the top 100.

99 times out of 100, they're going to be like, oh,

he influenced one joke that Discovery wanted a cut out of the first edit.

How much are we paying for this stinky costume that's going to get fun?

Why do we have to fucking placate this fucking guy?

I shaved my beard for it.

They could have cut it out.

I'm like, I fucking shaved my beard for this joke.

You cannot cut it.

And they're like, all right, all right.

This fucking guy, he's cracking jokes from 1940s.

I was going to say, referencing a character that was popular like maybe 70 years ago.

If you you get it

if you put that character on today, you'd probably get letters.

You'd be like, you can't treat humans like this.

There's something wrong with the guy.

He's in his 50s.

Well, he dresses like a child, right?

Yeah, if anybody knows what Bunsen over told me about YouTube, Abina Costello, Stinky, I'm sure there's plenty of clips where it's a 50-year-old man who dresses as a schoolboy who torments Costello.

I thought Angus Young.

Hey, he does look a little bit like Angus Young.

And they refer to him as a boy the entire time.

It's the best.

It's the goddamn best, though.

It's the best.

Why are you harassing this boy?

And then he'd slap him.

And it'd be the funniest fucking thing in the world.

But if you love

1940s vaudevillion comedy,

you are going to love the 2022 Telem Steve Day Halloween Spectacular because it takes us back to the

better years,

the funny years, when everything wasn't so coarse.

Everyone didn't have to curse.

Well, there's some cursing, though.

Is there cursing in it?

Yeah, but that's okay.

We got it.

I mean, we can't just cut off 90% of the audience.

Oh, no, I meant there's going to be cursing in the Telem Steve Day.

Tell him Steve Day.

Yeah, not in Abona Costello.

No, not in Abona Costello.

No, no, no.

i mean we're not going to commit career suicide here by going completely abena costello

people expect a couple of four-letter words here or there

oh man do you remember the aben and costello like if anybody out there is going to be looking up abnon costello now for a little bit remember the susquehanna hat company sketch oh yeah fucking one of the funniest things i've ever seen and i mean that it it

first time i saw it like i couldn't even believe what i was watching and i was young but uh so i i don't don't even want to give away, but look up the Susquehanna hat company sketch from them, it's so fucking funny, and that's nothing but some but some dude just getting slapped around and shit like that, punching through the hat constantly, punching through the hat, falling into shit, yeah, man, just great stuff.

And the thing about

those were all vaudeville bits, they didn't make them up, they just took them from the stage

where they were going for a hundred years and put them on TV.

Um,

so if you wanted to steal from them, you're really really not stealing from them.

You're just honoring a vaudevillian tradition of just sharing material.

But I'm really excited because, like I said, Q, it's going to have pieces that are going to appeal to you with Ebony Costello, as well as 80s monsters,

1940s monsters.

It is an audio extravaganza.

Oh, I can't wait.

We have the date already, right?

We put it on the street.

You never told me me what date you just are free.

But

we're doing a Tuesday.

Tell him, Steve Dave.