#529: Oyster Boners

What am I gonna go to pole school?

What do I know?

Oh, Like I had enough boners.

Yeah,

my boner days are over.

Rich people go to heaven.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I have Walt here.

Yeah, Walt Flagger.

Let's just give Walt Flagg a round of applause.

And a teary-eyed BQ.

What?

Yeah,

I thought that you found out that the queen died.

And I know you're a big.

The queen did die, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Today.

Today.

Moment of the day.

Can we just make this an episode and tribute to the queen?

Put it on Bandcamp.

Yeah.

Raise money for the queen.

For the queen.

I'm reading in the paper about how titles are already changing.

They're on private planes all flying to England, like all the royals and shit.

So they're going to have a king, a king of England.

It's going to be that dude who wants to be Prince Charles, right?

Yeah.

No, it's not going to be him, is it?

Yeah.

He's next in line, unless he's just abducting.

I thought for some reason that he was not going to be the next in line.

It was one of those two sons.

No.

That motherfucker waited a long time.

He's not going to pass that up.

He should, maybe.

She's fucking 96.

Do you think at that age, like, it's your own own mom?

Yeah.

But she always came off as like a bit like

standoffish and prickly.

Like, she's very like she's British.

Right, right.

And royalty.

That's what I mean.

You're not going to get warm and fuzzy.

She lived through the world wars.

All of them.

Yeah.

You're right.

I think she fought a T-Rex in the heart of her fucking reign.

But like, if that's like, probably they didn't have a very close relationship, you know.

Well, I think that's,

I think that's making up like a narrative in your head, though.

You have no, we really don't.

I mean, it just comes to trust because they're brilliant.

Like

he was loved as a child.

Of course he wants to be a tampon.

He feels bad about himself.

How many tampon jokes

the day he gets ushered in as the king?

You know, in bars and pubs all across the UK, the tampon usages get.

Yeah.

In case you're wondering what we're talking about, it was early 90s, right?

80s, I thought it was.

Maybe late 80s.

Late 80s, early 90s.

Prince Charles was having

an affair, yeah, with Camilla Parker Bowles.

And one of the, this is long before texting, somehow.

A love letter.

Was it in a love letter?

Yeah.

That he said he wanted to be her tampa.

Have you wrote any love letters you'd be looking back on now that like you'd cringe?

Oh, I'm sure every letter I've ever written would be cringe.

Anything on that level of like, oh, fuck, what was I thinking?

You want to be your butt plug?

No, I would stand by that today.

I'm not thrown up on that.

There's a girl and I'm looking at her and I'm like, man, I'd love to be your tampon.

I'm not going to.

But it's the worst possible time, though.

Like, there's no like...

What's the worst?

There's nothing romantic about that.

There's not even looking up.

What's the upshot?

It's just kind of like some weird, like,

wow, it sounds to me like someone over here is cake shaming, my friend.

I don't like that.

This is a very sex positive show.

it's always been it is weird it's like uh for one like because if i want to be your tampon it's like that's only one week a month and it's the worst week according to females yeah she's kind of grouchy you really can't get away either like you gotta you gotta hear it you know

all the time you really likes that

oh i don't know i think that was like just just like caught in the moment like dirty talk man like oh man like i like you've like i know you haven't waltz but like you've never been like in a bar and be like oh oh, man, I'd fucking love to be a tampon.

Yeah, I don't think I said that.

I don't know.

But you know what I mean?

Yeah, like, like, along those lines.

Yeah, yeah.

Some, like, sometimes you purposely overstate things to get a point across.

I'm going to give it to a king.

I don't, uh, I don't want to go against him.

Could there be something brought up in a royal tribunal to like, if somebody were to be like, I object, you know, I'm going to, and I point to exhibit A the letters he wrote.

No king of mine shall ever speaketh

about being a tamponeth.

I mean, don't they have statues?

Are they reading this from a scroll?

They don't do what we do here, right?

They don't cancel ex-kings.

They don't tear down statues of some guy who cut his wife's head off and some shit like that, right?

They're like, hey, he was the fucking king.

What do you want?

Yeah.

So

maybe you'll get the same protection.

It wouldn't happen here.

Like if

we had a president who in the the past had written to somebody, like, while he was cheating,

you know, I want to be your tampon,

would we accept that?

I mean, we accepted Trump and literally everything he did.

I mean, I would say we accepted him, but he got the presidency.

Yeah, he had him far more egregious.

He was so much grabbing.

He had a list of offenses and offensive things he said and did.

Yeah.

So,

yeah, there's history for us looking the other way.

We're just as bad as the fucking English, the British, whatever.

I think I want to ease off my anti-converse stance.

I saw some people, including our own Jay Sarge.

What do you mean?

And now as Q walks in, I have to give him a pass because they're pretty cool.

What do you mean?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What anti-converse stance?

That was last week.

I wear converses like every day of my life.

My feeling is that like...

This is great.

My feeling is that converse are for certain age groups, and they're and they're only up to like 30 or so.

He comes in wearing high-top converts with no socks on.

I got socks on, just ankle socks.

So, no-show socks, yeah, no-show socks.

Uh, and some people didn't like that.

You've always been snobby about my foot.

I remember once I wore black socks with sneakers, and you and Suzanne were fucking laughing your asses off of me.

And I didn't, I'm like, what, you guys can't wear black socks and sneakers?

And you were like, No, you can't.

What is this?

But

when did you form this opinion?

A while ago.

I can't remember exactly when, but I felt that way for a while.

That, like, it's, it's one of those things where I feel like especially

like middle-aged women want to retain their youth.

So sometimes they'll dress a certain way, maintain certain fashions.

And I think converse is one of those

things that

a woman hangs on to because it reminds her when she was young.

And I don't know.

I've never had a pair of Converse ever.

So I don't know if they're comfortable or not.

I mean, I think they are, yeah.

Yeah, Sal can't wear them too much.

He says

they don't have enough arch support.

Right.

But I love them.

Yeah.

They're pretty, I mean, I wear them more, far more than any other sneaker at this point.

I went through a nice 10-year Adidas run, but maybe I just hit middle age and was like, I want to feel young again.

Was that it?

No, I actually didn't wear, I never started wearing converses until late 20s.

And it's a shining print for the

carpet.

That's why they're cool.

Thank you.

But wait, but it's just a shoe.

Like, what do you, I don't, they don't have Velcro, like.

But it's a hip shoe.

I think that's what Bucky is.

I don't even know if it's hip anymore.

Rocky wore them in the first Rocky movie.

He's true.

You don't think they're hip anymore?

I see a lot of people wearing them.

Those on Crocs.

People have fucking embraced Crocs.

Yeah, that happened a while ago.

You're talking five years ago at this point.

People.

Yeah, but I mean, everywhere I looked now,

at one point it was like everybody, it it seemed like everybody was like, Crocs, I'm not wearing Crocs.

Crocs are gay, I'm not wearing Crocs.

And then all of a sudden, people are like, oh, they're real comfortable.

They're nice, you know, and the words spread.

But, like, I still feel like if I showed up in a pair of Crocs, I don't know.

You talked about the plastic ones with the holes in them.

Yeah, they'd be all over for me.

Maybe.

But I mean,

has it like ever like,

but who did you see?

Where does the genesis of this?

It had to be somebody somewhere that just like it was too much it was the tipping point

like enough with these converts and everybody running around trying to look young and hip maybe it's because i was fucking not young and hip that it angered me i also maybe i'm doubling down i don't know but i also feel that like with disney disney shirts yeah you can wear them until you're 10.

you've always felt this way and then you can wear them again once you retire yeah but the age gap in between don't wear fucking disney characters on your shirt you look like a fucking cornball this is a stance you've had for 20 years This isn't a new stance.

This is a long one.

Yeah, because I remember being somewhere with you, and

somebody walked by in like a Minnie Mouse shirt or Mickey Mouse shirt, and it set you off in a way that I was like, wow, he really cares about this.

There was a girl I used to hook up with.

This would have been early 2000s, and she was big into like Disney sweatshirts and shit.

And I had to put a stop to it.

Oh, you shut it down.

I shut it down.

It's just like, how old are you?

But then again, there are some people who like, they just fucking love Disney so much.

Like my neighbor from my old house house went to Disney every single day, got married in Disney, and then went to Disney every single year since then.

It was like her kid was 14 at that point.

I know a few people like that.

Yeah, families.

London to get a time shift.

La Dondonda.

Big Disney guy, yeah.

I don't see LaDondo wearing any Disney shirts at all.

He's a Disney holic.

Yeah.

I wonder why he's not into the merch.

Maybe because he has to dress a certain way to go to school, you know, wear your Mickey Mouse t-shirt

just to college, you know, kind of dress like a professional.

What character best represents LaDond, do you think?

Eeyore.

Yeah, definitely.

Without hesitation, like, my God, what do you mean?

I was about to say, but I'm like, let me see what these guys think.

Yeah, yeah, I guess Eeyore would have been a good one.

Yeah.

Always losing his tail.

I would go to Disney.

There was a run where I was going to Disney twice a year because we'd be on tour and we'd be in Florida or we'd be in California and I'd be like, I'm fucking definitely going to Disney for a few hours.

I love it there.

I'm with those guys.

I went with Troy and his family a couple years back and

probably never again and not anything to do with Troy.

Delightful.

Loved going with them.

It's Sage.

She's such a pain in the ass about walking around.

Yeah, I would never go to these places with children.

No.

You can go, but you just can't go with kids.

Yeah.

That's how I feel.

Plus, it's like I was reading this article.

Which is is a weird stance because we're talking about Disneyland.

There's plenty of kids there already.

I was reading about Universal Studios, how it's a big rip-off.

They're like, somebody from some other country came and they're like, here's my Universal one day for like three people, I think.

It was like X amount of dollars to get in and then lunch and then ice cream

and all that other shit.

It came out to like $1,200

for one day.

Wow, that's a lot.

And they're like, that's not even the most expensive.

Like,

Disney has the most expensive tickets and the most expensive merchandise and shit and souvenirs and eateries and all that other shit.

I heard that Disney, what I had heard was Disney raised their prices to stop people from coming to the park because it was getting too crowded.

So they were like, let's raise prices and start

costing people out of it.

And you'll make up the money in the raised fee and you'll have less people in the park.

That's pretty good.

If you're an elitist, yeah.

Keep the poor people out.

That's the way they go.

Keep the people who fucking

probably save for years to let go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you're if you're able to go, your whole life is Disney World if you can afford to go.

You know, those people that can't go, you know, they need, they truly need the

escape to a magical fantasy land.

Troy told me he knows a lady.

A magical fantasy land.

That's what it is.

Troy told me that he knows a lady who won a sweepstakes

and she got to go to Disney, and she could take 50 people with her.

Whoa.

Can you imagine trying to come up with 50 people?

50 guest list?

Yeah.

50 person guest list.

And I think it was with flights, too.

So

flights and hotel.

I'm pretty sure.

I'd be like, can I bring seven?

And you just give me the cash.

Yeah, that's what I was like, could you auction it off on eBay or something?

At this stage of my life, like if you asked me 10 years ago when TSD first started, I would be like, no.

No, I think I could fill that guest list.

I think there'd be people I'm like, you know, I'd be struggling, like, you know, like, oh my God, like, I only got two slots left.

Who's it going to be?

It would be that kind of like, that's how many people now that

I, you know,

how big my circle has enlarged.

Right.

Get an enlarged circle at this stage of my life.

You do.

You do.

You do have an enlarged circle.

You're not kidding.

It's nice.

I deal with a lot of people.

Yeah, sometimes it's nice.

But yeah, but if I had to fucking, if I have to whittle it down to a 50 guest list, and it's not so nice.

Wow.

Yeah, well, what if you're at 49 and then you're like, oh, shit, Alex and Victor?

Alex has the big puppy dog eyes.

He's never been to Disney.

Then I'd be like, you know what?

I'm not going.

Oh, you would give them your sales.

I'd give Victor and Alex money.

There's nobody in those 48 other people I know that I know.

I would sacrifice it and I would stay home.

Right.

So your family goes with Victor and Alex.

I get it.

All I know is one person I want for sure on that list is Chuck.

And I think he deserves it.

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, he's got to be in there.

What happened with this

on a platter?

We never did it.

So that comment I just made was it.

It has to suffice you.

Yeah, Chuck's going to have to feel a little warm inside of that.

No, we were supposed to do the bowling day.

Yeah,

we got to do it.

All right.

We'll do it.

There's too much, like setting up a bowling day is difficult.

There's too much gallivanting.

This guy over here to my left.

Oh, yeah.

There's a lot of gallivanting going on.

It's been on fire lately.

You're living your life to the fullest.

You're living out of a suitcase.

It's been crazy.

It's been a bit much lately, but that's all right.

That's okay.

You know.

Is it too much?

Because I know you like to stay home, but every time I

look, you're somewhere else.

It's not too much yet.

Popping up at Joey Rose's.

Yeah, it is.

I think I'm still at the end, like in that thing of like, man, I just sat on my ass for two years and I

didn't know if I was going to have the TV show anymore after the pandemic and stuff like that.

So I think I'm still in that grateful period where I'm like, everything's great.

I'm excited to be doing everything.

So, so far, pretty, pretty good.

Yeah, you're making Ming Chen look like a homebody.

No, I am not.

That is not true.

So far,

he's like fucking Howard Hughes compared to you.

Oh, not at all.

No, because

aside from

the couple trips I took, it's all been

Ming's everywhere.

He's in like do you know where he is right now?

Where?

This blew my mind what Gidam told me.

He is at a con,

but it is the craziest, most like

bizarre con you would ever like expect Ming Chen to be.

I could let you list a hundred different types of conventions, and you would never

see the nail where he is appearing at and signing and taking pictures of it.

I can't wait for this.

Is it like a miners association thing or like a porn adult con?

No, it's no.

Miners like kids?

No, miners and like coal miners together for like young trade show.

Look, is he doing trade shows?

It's a trade show.

It's a trade show.

Yeah.

Okay.

It is a fucking drone

trade show where you, you know, those things just end up in the sky.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is he into drones?

But I'm like, what is how do you make the connection that gets you to a drone convention?

Well, how do you also do you like get anybody at that convention to be like, hey, you need an 8x10 signed by me, Ming Chen for a conflict ben?

That's an aerial shot from a drone.

I mean, more power to him.

I guess he really wants to go to Vegas.

Oh, well, that's your answer, yeah.

But, like, yeah, but like, you have to know, like, how daunting is that to try to move Ming Chen merch at a drone convention?

I don't want to say

I don't want to say

scale of one to 10, one being impossible, 10 being easy-peasy, like walk in the park.

Three, three.

I think three's generous.

Yeah.

I think, yeah, you don't like me to come off as a jerk.

I would be like, if someone were like, hey, do you want to do this drone convention out in Vegas?

Same reason.

I would be like, well, it's Vegas.

Yeah.

So I'll go.

But

I would feel like...

Unless they're paying for everything, I would feel like I'm completely wasting.

I'd rather just go to Vegas.

Yeah, I'd rather just go to Vegas.

I would be embarrassed.

And I really hope that's accurate because I'm only going on what Giddam told me.

Well, I can go on his Instagram right now.

Yeah, I'm sure he's got like two drones in each hand.

Speaking of Mings,

I bought a bed the other day, like mattresses and shit.

Casper?

I did not get a Casper, no.

Yeah, they're not.

Are they not our advertisers?

No, fuck them.

No?

No, not anymore.

We did sell Casper's there, though.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

I got like some sealy Sirta sleeper or something like that.

But the guy who was the salesman, we were talking about different, like,

you know, firmness and softness and everything.

And he's like, he looks over, and there's like this Asian family that's shopping for a bed.

And he goes, real like, low, he's like, Asians like firm beds.

He goes, they all buy firm beds.

And I was like, I told him, I was like, that is a stereotype I have not heard before.

You know how

people often ask me

about the products that we push,

some of the ads we do.

And

a lot of the emails I would get would be about the Casper mattresses.

Like, are you just bullshitting?

You know, I'm thinking about buying one.

You know, are you just being fake Walt?

And even though Casper has not advertised with us, I still maintain, you know, even though they haven't given me a dime

plus a dime in God knows how long, I still stand by Casper.

Well, you went out and bought a bunch, a couple of them, right?

Yeah.

Please come back, Casper.

Come on, Casper.

I know I just said fuck Casper, but I was just kidding.

I was talking about the ghost.

Did you change your stance on cons?

Like, are you now seeing all the people in your lives?

I want to finish that.

Like, are you now like conversations are acceptable to you?

I feel like

as I get older, maybe I have to accept more and more.

It's still going to secretly bug me a little bit.

When I see some.

No, not you.

Not me.

Okay.

But like if I see some soccer mom running around in them, acting like she's 20 when really she's 35.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

That I don't care for.

I hate you.

He has to have something to gripe about.

If you take that game.

If we got him down to that, that's great.

That's it.

You're absolutely right.

If you take that away,

then he's got nothing to live for.

He'll be dead within a week.

Because

cons are way more common than Disney shirts.

Need something to bitch about.

Bitching about speaking of bitching about that fucking pool, dude.

Your pool?

Oh, did you?

Wait a minute.

Do you know?

No, what happened?

Do you know what happened to the Khoi?

Already?

Something happened to the Koi?

Yeah, like 30 of them died.

Oh,

it was less than six days.

What happened?

You should have seen Walt's face when I told him.

He's like,

I wasn't laughing.

I just told him I was the new Queen of England.

I was just stunned.

I thought he was fucking with me.

I was like, I can't believe.

I knew it was going to happen, but I just couldn't ever imagine it would happen this quick.

In the summer, too.

Well, that's what happened it was like we didn't know what the water level was supposed to be bigger fish or smaller fish bigger fish

yeah and it was um the oxygen levels and the water like because the water table wasn't high the water level wasn't high enough so they weren't getting enough oxygen and they were getting choked out by algae and shit oh man and I uh I let Mary Beth have it it was one of those days where I was like in a not great mood yeah and we come in and I had told her the like previous couple days I was like call Anthony he's a realtor he said he had a koi pond

just ask him.

Maybe he knows.

Because I was like, I don't think this pump is working.

Like, the pump's not like the waterfall.

Like, now it's like it looks like fucking Niagara Falls.

Oh, well, you added water and it fixed everything.

Yeah, added water and it fixed up everything.

Ah, man.

They could have told you that.

Like, that's not really your fault.

And not only could they have told us that, like, they should have told us that because they should have filled it up for you.

Yeah, it should have been filled the whole time.

And when Mary Beth eventually got the guy's number, who we bought the house from, called him and he's like, yeah, that happened to me twice.

It's like, well, fuck up.

Yeah.

so she's out there crying i'm yelling

koi

but but it's flowing now well you now it's flowing that's that second little river that went down's flowing and it's just oh it's great yeah everything is going right now i found uh a koi guy oh all right i thought we were going to be like because i guess uh tommy lincoln told me that his dad used to have koi and i guess in the winter they have like a little like oxygen aerator that keeps like if it ices over like they go down to the bottom they get frozen but they still need oxygen.

So there's like a, it ices over, but it keeps one spot open.

Sure, I got it because the moving water doesn't freeze.

Right, yeah.

So they'll still get oxygen even though it's cold out.

All right, not bad.

I mean, it really goes to show you about that, you know, that saying, you know, big fish in a little pond.

Yeah, it don't matter.

Didn't work out.

Didn't work out in this case.

It worked against them actively.

But I saw the way they were treating other little fish.

Oh, were they like bullying them for food and stuff?

The little fish weren't getting any food that day.

That's fucking cold.

Maybe we'll eat tomorrow.

Koi karma.

Yeah, there you go.

Koi karma.

Luckily, you still have 45 more koi left, so it's fine.

And then these pool guys came over because they were checking out the heater to make sure it wasn't leaking gas.

And one of the guys, like, yeah, you got to get all those goldfish out of there.

They'll get too big.

And I'm just like, oh, this fucking guy.

Like, I don't want to hear more news about koi and fucking goldfish and shit.

But then he starts busting all this stuff about like these reptiles that he breeds.

To the point where I'm like, this guy knows what he's talking about.

Maybe I need to get this goldfish out of there.

I don't know.

Right.

Where would you do it?

I didn't do anything yet.

I'm leaving it up to the koi guy.

I'll ask him.

Do you know the difference between a goldfish and a koi?

Do they look different?

Oh, yeah, they look way different.

Oh, okay.

I thought they were.

I thought they were the same color and everything.

They're just like,

I don't know, though, man, because

he did say that the goldfish will get big if you let them in a big enclosure or pond or whatever.

So I don't know.

Like, I know the little ones.

You saw a whole bunch of the little ones.

Yeah, I thought goldfish were koi.

Oh, really?

That's what I thought.

I thought goldfish are essentially, I mean, when we just look.

Yeah, sure.

How many goldfish did you have as a kid growing up?

It had to be maybe five or six.

Yeah.

It's one of those weird things.

It's just like bread to die within a week.

And then be flushed in a toilet.

Yeah, it's a strange

little part of America, Americana.

Like, you know, like you'd go to a fair.

Like when I'm at a fair, yeah, carry them around in a plastic bag.

And you'd be like, this is my new friend.

And I know within a week, you're going to see it floating at the top of the little bowl that you put it in it.

You're slowly killing it.

Yeah.

They give you those little snowflakes.

I wonder if you put it in a real tank

with, you know, with the proper

whatever

oxygen and everything.

I wonder how long of a a lifespan of a goldfish has

i'll bet you it's pretty long i'll bet you it's longer well because like as a kid your mom's like here take charge of this fucking animal and you forget to feed it sometimes or you just fucking let the you let the bull go because he's shitting in it like it likes you know they swim around with that shit full of fucking following him that's so gross you want to take a guess at the at the lifespan of a goldfish at the longest lived goldfish on record i have that number you had that at the fucking at the quick

I was doing the research on whether.

Okay, first of all, a goldfish is a type of carp, and so is the koi, and they can breed together, but their children are always sterile.

So they are of a similar.

Okay, now, is this in captivity, the goldfish, or in the wild?

This was in captivity.

Seven years.

Okay.

You have a guess?

I'm going to go nine.

The longest-lived goldfish on record lived to age 43.

Whoa.

What the fuck?

Uh-huh.

I really didn't take good care of my goldfish.

They didn't come anywhere near 43 years.

Yeah.

I think Mosier had like a, like, one of those black googly-eyed goldfish that lived like 10 years to that call.

Yeah, I remember he had a pond out back, and his records kept eating.

The red currents kept eating.

They were so vexed by it.

I wonder what the, like, in the wild, like, do fish,

are there some fish that just make it and aren't eaten by other fish and like live like crazy long lives that like nobody really knows don't like river catfish and shit like that they grow to be like eight feet long

the ones that like swim upstream no you ever seen them pull those giant catfish out of the water yeah

like how long

longest living fish you want to ask yeah like how long what like what's the lifespan of the longest living lifespan of a fish what would it take well for you to go into like those one of those murky ponds like you know those guys like they they do that noodling where they like stick their fucking hand into the fucking fish's mouth and pull him out and shit

wait

they stick their hand in a fish and pull out another fish they no they they stick their hand into the fish and like pull him out of his hole it's like it's called noodling i think oh no i never what for what's the purpose for this to catch fish to eat it yeah i guess

okay so fishing pole is not gonna do it fishing pole's not gonna do it he's got a type gotta go underneath you gotta go underwater with a scuba tank and holy no i don't think i think you just walk around like it's like waist deep like you saw like that guy the fucking turtle hunter and shit all right

it's like one of those type guys what's the uh let's the well i was impressed that a sturgeon will live a hundred can live 125 years is the oldest one that they marked damn that's so fucked up there's a creature that could live 125 years that's probably most of them don't though because of yeah because of prey natural prey right man sickness and man and yeah man yeah okay wait hold on an eel Al, a European eel was put in Swedish well in 1859 to feed on insects polluting the fresh water.

People expected to live there a peaceful life for 50 years.

This eel has surpassed everybody.

He's been living there for 150 years.

And this fucking

story.

It says, is still there.

How is that not the fucking national tourist attraction, though?

That fucking thing.

Because I'm about to blow you away.

A river carp,

which is a koi.

Hanukkah Flower Girl was the oldest koi documented in the world, born in Japan 1751.

It died in 1977 at a respectable age of 226 years.

The Greenland shark, 400 years.

A clam

507 years.

Well, a clam's not even an animal.

No.

All right.

Well, there you go.

It's just a piece of snot.

I was going to say delicious treat, but yep.

Oh,

right?

I mean,

does a clam have eyes or a heart?

I don't know.

I just eat them.

Can it hear?

I mean, it's not even, I mean, it's not alive, is it?

Well, it's definitely alive, but I, you know, not

may not be sentient, is what you're thinking.

It's just not like aware of itself and stuff.

But I don't know.

They have fear response and everything.

Do they?

Oh, yeah, because they go

in, yeah.

Yeah.

They pop back in.

So, you know.

I saw a story down in Florida.

Some guy was, they were eating, you know, eat oysters raw and shit.

And there was like this one in a billion chick.

It's good for boners.

Oysters?

That's what I hear.

I think I'd rather not have a boner.

Yeah.

Because

if this is like, this is the only thing that's going to give you a boner, I'd be like, I had enough boners.

Yeah.

My boner days are over.

I'm good.

Yeah.

There's popping a fucking blue chew, and then there's eating, like you said, like mucus.

Yeah, it's fucking disgusting.

I like it.

I'm down.

I'm eating.

What do you put on it?

Butter?

I do a little horseradish and cocktail sauce.

Yeah.

Be careful.

Because down in Florida, this guy ate one and he died.

And they were like, it's this one in a billion chance.

It's some kind of fucking

invasive, like, what would you call it?

Oh, it's like a parasite?

A parasite.

Yeah.

A clam parasite.

I keep thinking of paramecium, but yeah, a parasite.

And

they killed this guy.

Then two days later, the same fucking thing happened.

This one in a billion chance happened to two guys down in Florida.

Well, maybe it's the fucking batch of clams they ate.

Could be.

Same part of the country, same Florida, right?

Yeah.

Obviously, they got a bad batch of clams then.

They got some bad clams.

And you don't want bad seafood, man.

No.

There's nothing more poisonous or more dangerous than seafood that's gone bad, right?

You get sick from bad seafood, man.

It's like a weasel's in your stomach just fucking punching its way down through your asshole.

It's happened.

Oh, yeah, the cramping.

Like your body's just trying to get it out.

I forget what I ate, but I ate, I remember eating

seafood and having a bad reaction to it.

It's not a bad enough reaction to just be like, no more seafood.

I'm not eating that shit anymore.

No, no.

It can't be that good that you're like, I can, like, I'll chance this again.

Well, I mean, as a kid, like, you know, Italians are very big on seafood for Christmas and stuff.

So we would have these giant seafood feats every year.

So it's like, kind of like

nothing ever went wrong.

But one time it does, it doesn't just like shit.

Sure, but that could happen with steak, that could happen with chicken, you can get salmonella poisoning.

Roy Rogers, I got it from Roy Rogers.

I will never eat stepping for Fixen's bar again.

Roy said to me, Boston Market, too.

Happened to you.

No, it happened to you.

Remember, you got sick at Boston Market and then you said you were never going back.

Did I?

Yeah.

You know, it's easier now.

There's no more Boston markets.

Yeah, no, they're nowhere.

No, there are.

I saw one yesterday.

Oh, really?

Yeah, there's one on Staten Island, and then I was in Jersey yesterday for

something, and I passed the Boston market.

I was like, oh, fuck, I can go for some Boston market right now.

This is so long.

All the Boston markets by us have closed down.

There's no more pizza huts either.

Yeah, all right.

I could live with that loss.

But they got Detroit-style pizza.

I don't know if you've had it.

Is this fucking

so fucking good?

Dude, there's this place called Lions, Tigers, and Squares in Manhattan.

And it's like, I will drive to Manhattan to get a pie to bring it home.

Like, it is fucking awesome.

Detroit-style pizza is so good.

Yeah, but the pizza one, I know it's like it's the commercialized.

I'm sure people are like,

you know, that's not Detroit-style pizza.

That's fucking like some bullshit, homogenized, commercialized.

You peasant.

Yeah, you're like,

you're, you know, you're.

I'm not hating on Pizza Hut.

I know, but I know, but people are going to be like, that is not,

that is traditionally would be looked at, frowned upon as like, you're not even eating real pizza.

What is Detroit-style pizza?

What is the thick

pizza?

Thick square with like more sauce than cheese.

It's hard to, it's like a Sicilian pie with way less cheese.

And pizza only brings it out

for two months out of the year, and it's back this month.

Oh, so it's like the McRib that gets a big deal.

Yeah, and I told my wife, I was like, this weekend we're finding a pizza, and we found one

in Maryland.

Let's go, kids.

Yeah, but I'm excited because the Detroit-style pizza is back at Pizza Hut.

Yeah, when I was a kid, I used to go to Pizza Hut a lot.

Yeah, we had one by us that was there for decades.

And for whatever reason, man, it just,

you know, just like a lot of things.

Well, there's a lot of competition.

Remember, they were the only game in town for a long time.

Then Domino's rose, then you got Papa John's, then you got Little Caesars.

So now there's a lot of competition, even in the shitty pizzas, you know.

Right.

But one thing that Pizza had offered that all those places you mentioned didn't offer was a place to sit down and eat.

Yeah.

Which I thought.

And an iconic building, too.

Yeah.

The red roof and

the salad bar and the bricks and everything.

It brings back great memories, right?

But Damn, man.

Those red cups.

Yeah.

Yeah, the red plastic cups.

Yep.

That's where we had your rehearsal dinner.

Yeah, I had a rehearsal dinner when we got married here.

I don't blame you.

That's good.

Now a pizza.

What was I saying earlier?

Oh, the pool.

There's like...

Okay, so.

It's still green.

Oh, it never clear up?

It never cleared up.

Well, what happened was I put the slime away in.

When we last checked in, I was putting slime away.

It killed all the algae.

It all sunk to the bottom, Mary Beth, vacuumed

the shallow end, and it looked great.

But then we had to leave, and then it rained the next day, so all the fucking shit came back.

Okay.

There's no...

I can't do it.

I need somebody, so I have a guy coming tomorrow.

But yesterday, Edgar was over at the house, and we were trying to figure out, like, the power went out.

I don't know if your power went out.

No.

Yeah.

Power went out.

Just you or the whole street?

The whole street.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Someone's like, maybe you shouldn't be rewiring the house if the power's not working.

Yeah, right.

I'm like, hmm, I wonder what this will do.

But

I'm like, the pool filter won't come on now after the fucking goddamn electric goes out.

I don't know.

We check the electric box.

Yeah.

Can't figure it out.

So I'm like, you know what?

What I'm going to do, instead of worrying about this, I'll let the guy guy worry about this.

I'm going to

take my leaf blower and I'm going to blow all the leaves away from the pool because they keep fucking going in it.

So I'll just, you know, take a minute.

And so

I walk over to the edge of the pool so that I can, you know, push them away from the pool.

And I had forgotten like the skimmer cover, you know, like that square thing.

Yeah.

I had forgotten to put the top back on that.

So I step in it.

Oh.

And

I

realize in that moment, I'm like, I'm going to fucking fall in the pool.

And I'm holding a fucking leaf blower connected to an electrical source in my head.

So I fucking, as I fucking fall backwards, I throw the leaf blower and it like bounces around on the fucking sidewalk.

And then like that sound like you hear in movies, like when somebody goes underwater, that like

yeah, like

I hear that and I'm just like, fuck.

And I'm like, I have my fucking phone in my pocket.

It didn't get fucked up.

Your phones are waterproof, yeah.

Are they?

I'm going to say hats off to Apple, man, because it didn't get fucked up like it normally.

No, if you don't have a crack in it,

you're fine.

So I come out of the fucking pool like swamp thing, and Mary Beth's like, When was this?

This was yesterday.

Mary Beth's like, what happened?

Nobody took pictures?

No.

Mary Beth is like, what happened?

And I was like, how else could I get this fucking wet?

I was like, it's not raining out.

What do you think happened?

She's like, did you fall in the pool?

And she's trying not to laugh at me.

And I'm like, yeah, I fell in the pool.

Then later on, we told Sage, I was like, Dad, I fell in the pool today.

The first thing she asked, she goes, do you have video?

It is full.

That's all she cared about.

I was so fucking annoyed.

If you keep this up, and you should,

you are going to get, like, at a certain point, she's going to be like, Brian, you don't have to do anything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm just going to do it.

You're an incompetent

daughtering old fool.

Just get it out.

Yeah.

If you just keep what you're doing, just keep it up.

Just keep on this level, this futility.

This level of incompetence.

Yes.

it's going to be who you

are going to be the best thing you ever did.

As you're just going to be able to just sit there in a recliner, they'll put it right by the window, and then you could just sit there and look out the window, and they'll have nothing else to do.

And everything else will be taken care of.

She'll just have other people come in and do it.

And you could just sit back and relax.

That's it.

Go on your iPad.

Fucking genius.

Yeah.

Watch some lightboat.

What did you say?

Watch some love.

I mean, if it's too bad you didn't hit your head when you fell in the pool.

Because

if you had even like a one-night stay,

a one-night stay in the hospital, that would have been it.

Yeah,

what more do you expect of me?

I nearly died taking care of that pool.

Yes.

Just start throwing cement bags into the pool.

Fuck this thing.

Oh, after I got out of that pool, I was like, oh, I hate pools.

Thankfully, though, like all the algae had settled to the bottom, so it's not like I came up like really like with the ball.

You don't have one of those robots that

I do, but it doesn't seem to like take the algae off the pool.

Your beard does have a green tint, though.

I don't know.

It's only a little bit of swamping.

It's like it's fucking St.

Patrick's Day and shit.

Tom sent me a picture of his pool.

I'll show it to you.

Dude, it looks like...

It looks like fucking salamander walk crawling around in there, popping his head out every now and then.

My eyes just above the surface and shit.

This is Tom's pool.

Tom Mum.

Whoa.

Tom from Sunday Jeff's show.

How does that happen?

Tom M?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It It looks like green jello.

It looks like somebody filled a pool with Ecto Cooler.

That's what he wrote.

He's calling the Ecto Pooler.

He's calling it.

Ecto Pooler.

All right.

That's why he's the fucking writer on the Sunday Jeff Show.

Ecto Pooler?

That's pretty funny.

That's the kind of shit you're going to get to sign up to Patreon.

Wow.

How does it get to that level?

I don't know.

That's got to be like a toxic dump, right?

No, it's just allergic.

It looks like any freeze.

Yeah, it does.

You're telling me they couldn't get, like, he, like, if somebody were to see this, like, he couldn't have

come and shut this down and like put like a super fun site.

Like, it can't, like, it can't, like, eat away at the fucking pool walls.

I know, I wouldn't think so, but at the end of the day, what I know about pools.

Have you ever seen anything greener than that?

No, that's a pretty green pool.

Yeah, that's real.

Is he just like

he didn't say?

Yeah, he didn't say.

No, man, I never would have thought that pools were this difficult because, like I said, my wife took care of our pool.

Yeah.

But it was a full-time job for her, but we never had any kind of

problems like that.

And she never fell in either.

No?

Well, it's hard to fall into an above-ground pool.

No, come on, man.

She's a petite lady.

But she's up there on the edges and she's cleaning.

And

she was brushing off leaves, not even with a fucking mechanical windblower.

She's doing it by hand.

Mechanical windblower.

Someone call it a leaf blower, but

she never fell in once.

Not once, huh?

Not once.

God damn.

In less than two weeks, I've fallen in three times.

Whoa!

Mary Beth, do I still have to clean the pool?

You kill yourself out, you start walking towards the house, you'll fall into the koi pond.

You killed all the koi, fat ass.

flapping on the

I probably shouldn't be like doing this anymore, right?

Yeah, I should probably should just like not have to do anything anymore.

Like hire a guy who could what I'm gonna go to pool school.

What do I know?

I think that there's uh you know something to be said though.

Like what happens if he is able to pull it off though?

What come how will he you know I want to kind of like shot to his confidence that is that boost level of like, you know, like like next year, you know, he manages that pool, never, never has any problems.

You're right.

It would make me feel good about myself.

It really would.

Because I'd be like, because I'm like, why is this above me?

I see who's doing it.

I see the pool guys.

I'm like, they don't see it.

They also have experience, though.

You're hitting the ground running.

Yeah, they're doing 10 pools a day every day, you know?

They were trained by professionals, too.

It wasn't like they walked in knowing that.

I did text the pool guy, though, because he's hooking me up with sort of a a gray market freelance guy since nobody else will help me.

Really?

And he said it's his friend.

He's like, he does it, you know, normally, but on the side, he'll take some time.

But Michelle told you, Michelle told you what to do.

You need to go on YouTube and just fucking, from morning till night, watch pool videos.

Yeah.

That's what you need to do.

You know, until it becomes like you know everything about a pool.

You can do that.

Then I got that going for me.

Or you can just sign the contract,

lay out a little bit more money.

That's the treadmill, right?

Like, all right, now I'm paying for the pool guy.

Now I'm paying for the guy to do the lawn.

Now I have a koi guy.

And suddenly

you're fucking working your balls off to pay for the house.

Or close it up for the season and worry about it fucking next June.

I got to tell you, that's what I was thinking.

How many more fucking days do we have left anyway?

It's heated, right?

Yeah, it's heated.

If sage is real hot, you know what?

Get in the shower.

Take a shower.

You got a tub.

Go for a swim.

That is what I would do.

If I was running the joint, I would be like, let's close it up.

I'll worry about it in June.

Yeah.

June may as well be fucking 10 years from now in my mind.

In that time, I can watch so many YouTube videos.

Whole winter.

Whole winter's worth.

But you got to be committed.

You can't just watch one and then be like, okay, I got it.

You got to watch them all.

Watch them with Mary Beth.

So, like, if you miss anything, she picks it up.

Yeah.

And then maybe she takes it over.

She's more attentive than I am.

So maybe she takes it over.

Maybe you trick her into it.

Yeah.

Like, let's do this as a couple.

And then

I'm like,

am I skimming arm?

Does it hurt?

Or how about this?

You make the pool videos, you learn how to do it, and then like do pool videos.

I can teach people.

Yeah, you can teach everybody on how to change their own ignorant like you.

Right.

We could do like a recreation of you falling in the pool.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I would watch your videos.

It would be great to watch you do how-to videos.

Can Can I just ask, I wasn't getting the full picture here, but like, so

you fell in because you just lost your footing or you lost your your

bearings where you were.

He stepped into it, who am I?

And tripped.

Yeah, there's what?

There's like a hole in the, like, there's the skimmer, you know, like the thing where the water goes into, like, that collects all the, like, bugs and debris and shit.

Yeah.

Like, I had taken the cover off of that because me and Adrian were trying to figure out why the fuck the.

And you forgot it was off.

I forgot it was off, so, like, I backed up, stepped in it and then fell backwards into the pool

you must have been so pissed oh my god I was irate but then when I saw her and like she was having a hard time not laughing then I had like yeah I'm like how what good does fucking being pissed about I'm fucking soaking wet do I have other clothes here that's really all I care about man

was anybody around was Edgar around nobody would nobody saw it are you do you have any like I don't know if the previous owners of the pool because I'm sure you haven't done this yet but like remember there was a movie I saw, I think, where if someone pissed in the pool, like, it would turn the water a different color, including your clothes.

Oh, yeah, that was Caddyshack, right?

Was that Caddyshack?

No, Caddy Shack, they shined in the pool.

They shit in the pool.

What was it?

Was it Bad Boys or that movie where the kids next door, the boys next door?

Boys Next Door, yeah, they went uninvited to a high school graduation party, and he's like floating around and like doing and pissing in the pool and it's turning colors.

Did you do that when you fell in?

Yeah, I just immediately lost control of myself.

I thought it was a tiny shit.

Just because you were mad, you were just like, fuck it.

I might as well.

Unfortunately, it turns green when you piss, so I couldn't even tell.

Like, I'm not even getting anybody mad.

Take this, Poole.

In your face.

Now what?

Like, Gert and Mary Beth are watching me from the window.

They're like,

what's going on with them?

I showed that pole.

Let me talk real fast about something that's close to all our hearts.

Not Casper.

Casper fucking dissed us.

We're talking about Myundis.

We've all heard about gut instinct, but have you heard about butt instinct?

Whoa.

It's a good one.

It's my favorite type of instinct.

Yeah.

It's when your butt tells you you want new undies.

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When I was moving, man, I have so many fucking pairs of Miundis.

It took up a whole fucking box.

I was like, I cannot believe how many of these I have.

They do pay us in Miundis.

We don't actually get cash.

Yeah, most of us do.

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What are your favorite ways to describe our silky, soft undies?

That's an optional talking point that

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Everybody knows we love meundis.

You know what I like about mendis is like when it's hot and sweaty out, it avoids the chub rub, you know, the

rawness between your, between your, your legs because you've let yourself go.

Yeah, I'm very familiar with that.

Rather than lose weight, you're like, let me find a pair of underwear that will

be.

Now, what's it called?

Chub rub?

Chub rub, yeah.

I've never heard this.

This is like street slang?

I don't think so.

I don't think it's like

strictly urban or anything.

Oh, yeah, like urban dictionary?

Would you find chub rub?

Yeah, you probably would.

Yeah.

Yeah, I bet you if you look it up, you'd find it in there.

You know, it was so weird.

I'm sure that I know

I'm derailing a very important ad, but I was in a pizza parlor and I was sitting there by myself, and the lady behind the counter was talking about something.

And my eye, I just heard it, like it just like hit me what she was talking about.

She was talking to a customer about her, she was calling it her pro, she got a fupa, fupa,

fupa problem.

Yeah.

Fupa problem?

The Fupa problem.

Okay.

I don't remember.

And

everybody behind the counter was just like, it's just stop what they were doing.

Because it's really just not a common

discussion like that.

Yeah, you don't really talk about it.

You've heard of it.

It's a fat upper pussy area.

It's like right above.

This is what the lady said.

I swear out of my life.

A gun.

Fat upper pubic area.

You could change it.

But I always heard fat.

It's like right here gets fat.

Right.

I heard it like I was like, gunt.

Gunt.

Same thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Same thing.

Foopa.

Oh, wow.

I learned something new too.

Yeah, I was just stunned that

this was a topic of conversation.

And the other people that were working behind the counter also were just like, I could see everybody just stop what they were doing and start listening.

That's bizarre.

Yeah, yeah.

That usually doesn't happen.

Well, if even if you have fupa issues, we undies are for you.

Yeah.

Oh, that's what they should work on.

Like special, like with an extra panel up top for the fupa.

Yeah.

A lot of people have fupa, man.

You can't get embarrassed by it.

Like the whole, half the world, man.

Yeah.

I sometimes I get a little fupa going, you know?

Yeah.

I'm dealing with it right now.

Yeah.

Do you are?

Yeah.

Is that because you went and got a fancy cookie?

Genome told me you went to that fancy cookie place and got a cookie.

McDonald's?

Oh, no.

That place over in Home Delta Plaza.

Get him considers McDonald's fancy?

I have a McDonald's.

Yeah, I went to get a cookie at McDonald's.

Yeah, I was told.

Yeah, I was just like, fuck my fupa.

I need a cookie.

I'll tell you where my, I mean, I don't, I mean, I wish my problem area is down here because nobody would really see it.

It's like it's usually the gut or your face.

That's for me.

That's where it is.

You know, that's the areas where I tend to put on weight.

I mean, my God, I would love

if my problem area was my backside or my fupa.

I had like a nice jailer.

It's so easily hidden then.

Yeah, and you can't hide in it, like if it's your face or anything or your gut.

You can, you can grow a beard.

That's what I did.

What do you think is lurking under this?

I'm covering at least two gins.

I'm trying to get mine long enough to cover my fupa.

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I

had an incident yesterday.

Another incident?

It wasn't really my incident, but it turned into it.

I was

taking Sage to from the, she gets dropped off at the crooked house because we're not like fully moved in yet.

So she gets dropped off at the crooked house.

I pick her up.

I bring her to the other house.

And on the way there.

So you're living in the other house now?

Not yet.

We've just got the bed.

Okay.

The bed just came.

Oh, yeah.

I have a piece of furniture for you.

Oh, do you?

Yeah, I was talking to Mary about the bed.

Okay.

And

I see in my rear view these people like we like going back and forth from like the passing lane to the regular driving lane.

They're cutting each other off.

And I'm in the passing lane passing somebody at this point, but they're coming up fast.

So I pass this person and I get over into the right lane and the guy pulls up to the side of me, one of the guys, and he's fucking screaming and he's mad at me.

I don't know why.

Like I got over because I saw how fast they were coming.

And I roll down the window to

yell something back.

And Sage goes, Don't bully my dada

and stood up for me.

And then later on, like you know, we stopped to get pizza for her snack.

She's wearing sneakers, but she had a pair of shoes in the car.

She takes one of her shoes with her in case she sees the guy.

Oh, wow.

She tells me she's going to slap him in the face with her shoe.

And I was like, What a fucking great kid.

Yeah, that's cool.

What a nice kid to look out for me.

Yeah.

Wow.

High schooler now.

Don't bully.

You were getting bullied and her.

I got bullied, yeah.

And you took it.

Yeah.

Like a little bitch.

She's like, oh, if he's not going to do anything,

I better step up and do something.

Yeah, those guys drive around New York City like that.

Like those guys, they're on Highland Boulevard, Staten Island.

For many years, it went away, but it's back now where they'll just drive fucking like 90 miles per hour in a 25, just race each other and zip through cars and shit.

And you're like, fuck, man.

Yeah, this guy was mad, and he and some other guy were cutting each other.

I think it was a lady, actually, just cutting each other off, like doing that thing where they like, you like, act like you're going to bump them.

Yeah.

So they were fighting already?

They were already fighting.

They tried to draw me in.

But I mean, what am I going to do?

But I'm just like, it's not worth getting a fucking ticket to deal with this guy.

Although I was like, if he fucking cuts me off, I'm going to try to pit maneuver him.

I'm going to try to fucking knock this guy right out of the race.

Fucking cocksucker.

I get it.

I understand.

Yeah, right?

It gets you mad in the moment.

It does, yeah.

I get it.

But I think in New Jersey, like if you even get out of your car, like say you have a road rage moment and you like pull over and you get out, I think right there that's a crime in itself.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh,

that's you can get time.

Impressive.

Yeah.

I think people should be able to settle scores on their own a little bit more.

Like nobody wants the fucking cops involved.

Everybody wants to do fun the cops.

They don't want the cops involved.

So it's like if I get into a road rage argument with some guy,

let us fucking fight it out.

Yeah,

I hear you.

Get into a bar brawl with somebody, take it outside.

Just like in the old Deadwood style.

I agree.

I do like that philosophy, but I just do think you hit a certain age where you should be doing neither of those because you might get fucking hurt.

Oh, yeah.

I'm not saying that I would do it.

I got a bad shoulder, bad knees, and a bad fucking.

Now my lower back is constantly hurting.

I mean, I have to remind to walk like I'm like I'm not in.

You do this, you find yourself like shuffling a little bit, and you're like, I'm not that old.

I shouldn't be walking like this.

I do that when I cross the street.

It's like, I do this thing where like, it looks like I'm running, but I'm really just like, I'm hardly even walking fast, but I pump my arms.

Like, I'm hurrying across the street, but not really.

What is the arm movement helping you?

I don't know.

It just makes it.

Is it the illusion that you're going faster?

I think so.

Like, just for their sake, so they don't think I'm dragging my ass walking across the street.

I'm just pumping my arms.

But really walking at, like, shuffling at the same speed like you're talking about.

Yeah.

It's a bitch.

It is.

It's terrible.

It's a fucking bitch.

I saw

another thing I hate even worse than Converse.

I can't stand celebrity kids.

I'm so tired of celebrity kids.

Like, I have to act like they're something special just because they're the child of a celebrity.

Who did this to you?

Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Baldwin.

Yeah.

They put up pictures of their kids like first day of school.

Still, they're not laying low right now?

No.

Nope.

And the kid, you know, the kids are holding papers that are like, say, like, first day of sixth grade or whatever.

That's fine.

A lot of people do that.

But it was a big deal.

She's nine years old, and it's a big deal that she's wearing dark makeup, like dark lipstick and shit.

And these commenters come on, you know, and they're like, you're an icon and all this other shit.

And I'm like, fuck you.

Do you know what it takes to become an icon?

A lot more than your mom's fucking lipstick and nine years of fucking experience.

So there are icons.

Who do they call the icon?

The mother or the child?

The child.

But who are you angry at?

I'm mad at the fucking idiot comment.

Right, not the kid.

The kid didn't do anything except wear makeup,

which a lot of little girls do for school, which I didn't think, though, was allowed in elementary school.

But I guess

I'm sure they go to private schools.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

They can do anything they want.

But these fucking idiot fucking saps that are just like, you're awesome.

Like, why?

What did she do?

What did she do that was so fucking great?

Yeah.

It makes her iconic.

Tom Brady, icon.

Jerry Seinfeld, icon.

Sure.

But Brady's kids, you know, I mean,

I'm guilty of posting a few things calling his kids icons, though.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so I mean, I don't know if it's that agreement.

You wore a hat to school today.

You're iconic.

It's so greedy.

You kissed your father.

You're iconic.

It's just these fucking sick sucker commenters that I'm like, what?

What do you get out of psychophantic, low-life?

complimenting what?

But you brought up Tom Brady.

Did you hear

that his marriage may be over?

Oh, I heard it was on the rocks.

I heard it was on the rocks, yeah.

Because of what?

I mean, I guess just, you know,

the reasons that all marriages, you know, you get into trouble.

He was stepping out?

Oh, no, no.

I mean, like, I think it's just like, you know, like, you know, life,

you know, like

different agendas.

But I heard that the missus was not happy that he unretired.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I read, too.

I guess she thought that he was going to be spending more time with the family and the kids and shit.

Yeah.

And then he came out of retirement.

An eighth Super Bowl is way more important than his kids.

Well, it's also like, if I'm her, I'm like.

Are you stating that as a fact or being sarcastic in saying that?

He can win an eighth Super Bowl.

You're willing to sacrifice his kids for him?

I'm telling you.

I'm telling you.

He is not going to be

on his deathbed.

He is not going to be like, you know, I should have spent one.

I wish I had one more winter with my kids.

I think he's going to be more like, I wish I had won that eighth Super Bowl.

I think Edgar says that, and he doesn't have one ring.

Never does he say, if I had just spent that one winter with my kids.

Wow.

But she can't.

That doesn't make her look too good.

Could you imagine he backed out now?

How come?

If he backed out in a press conference, it was like, my wife didn't want me to do it.

Basically,

has been revealing more without revealing anything in his press conferences, saying that like they're like, well, how come you've been MIA in training camp?

And he's like, and he snapped at the reporters.

He's like, look, I'm 45 years old.

I got a lot of shit going on in my life.

Wow.

He actually used shit.

Whoa.

Yeah, I almost dropped him as my guy.

I didn't like that.

But, you know, he actually used the cuss word with the reporters.

And he looks a little stressed, too.

So, I don't know.

I mean,

yeah, I don't understand why.

Like, yeah, what

is there left?

Like, if it's causing this much strife at home,

why not just give it up then?

Because in all seriousness, not.

That's why he is who he is.

He's a robot.

He's just like, I got to do it.

Maybe there's a part of him, too.

And, like, look, she's gorgeous.

But you think there's a part of it that's like she was gorgeous.

Yeah.

She used to be a little more gorgeous.

Now she's staying at home taking care of the kids.

I could find the next Giselle for my second wife.

You think that might weigh into it?

Oh, I can't imagine.

No, who, what monster thinks like that?

Oh, I know a guy.

It was a guy in my firehouse.

I was like, I don't, I fucking, I never told me, like, I don't mind getting older.

The problem is my wife's getting older.

That's what he said.

You're like, all right, honest, I guess.

Yeah, maybe that's it.

Maybe it's like when you marry a supermodel like that, you foolishly think she's always going to be that supermodel.

But she's gorgeous.

Like, she's.

still pretty stunning.

She's stunning, yeah.

I think you don't marry if you're a married.

Tom Brady doesn't marry another human being, he's married to football.

I agree, I think that's probably that's really what it is.

And there's not many guys who are like that on the planet who are that committed, that driven, that that kind of like maniac regiment.

And

if you married him,

how on earth can you now be mad at him for doing what he was born to do?

There's no way to know the ins and outs of it, right?

Like, who, who, but, so, you know, but the thing is, like, I'm sure he's like, I know I can do it one more time.

And if she said, I want you to stay home and to kids, like, and not that she's at fault, like, I'm not, but internally on him, maybe he couldn't stop himself from thinking of, like, you would take this from me?

Like, this is suddenly it's not about him retiring.

It's about her telling him he can't do it.

And that's got to rankle.

You know, that's got to dig deep.

That's got to be like,

you're telling me that I can't take the last bite of the apple I'm ever going to take.

I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been because you want me to fucking change a diaper or whatever the shit.

These kids are even older, too.

I don't think there's any even nasty diapers.

I think

it's a hell of a psychological hurdle.

If she's like, look, I don't want you to do this.

And he's like, in my...

Fucking soul, I know I was born to do this.

And she's telling him, no, it's just like, forget man or woman.

Like, just as a human, maybe you're just like, I can't live my life restrained by what she wants which is fair right but maybe you shouldn't have got married but she uh you know she gave up her career gave up sacrificed things for her family in the marriage yeah for sure and now i guess she was hoping that uh but if she doesn't miss it and doesn't regret it she didn't really give anything up you know like if she was ready to be done with it you're not giving it up you're just leaving it he is not ready to leave so to be forced to give it up by her i could see that causing problems does she have do they have have a daughter that's like just as pretty as she is?

Because a lot of these Cindy Crawford.

Oh, her kids are young.

Oh, they're still too young.

Yeah, their kids are

young little babies practically.

Not babies where they need diapers, but they're young and still in grade school.

I constantly.

I don't know.

But this could be a major distraction, though.

How do you go out there and perform at the highest level if you got this kind of weight and baggage weighing you down mentally?

The way he's done it every time before, you just put that aside when you take the field.

That's why he is who he is.

But does it make you go like, wow, because like a lot of people on the outside looking at it would be like, it's got to be the most charmed, perfect life.

And you don't realize that, like, you know, like same shit that goes on in every household is going on.

I'll bet you he's fallen into a pool once or twice.

Without a doubt, he's had his version of it.

Sure, yeah.

Yeah.

He's just like, dude, like at the end of the day, it's the same shit we're all dealing with.

Yeah.

Does that make you any hope for, like, does that make you feel any like, you know, like everybody's just dealing with the same shit?

Does that make it like make you

a little bit a little bit not easier, but like, like, you know, there's,

we're all in this.

Everybody's dealing with something.

I mean, I think I figured that out years ago, no?

That's the way I felt about Tom and his pool.

Like, I don't want Tom's pool pool to be fucked up, but at the same time, I'm like, kind of a little glad it's fucked up so that I'm not alone in it.

Tom Milazowski, not Brady, right?

No, not Tom Brady.

Not Tom Brady.

His pool needs a green.

But it's like imported water from fucking sweet.

It's crystal clear.

Yeah.

Well, let me ask you guys something.

Like, how would you feel if your ladies came to you and were like, I want you to stop doing Telemsteve, Dave?

I want you home more.

She wants me to do more Telemsteve, Dave.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, I.

But the opposite.

What if she she's is the

not comfortable with you being on mic anymore?

You know, our daughters are getting older.

I don't want their friends listening to this.

Like, it could be anything.

She's like, I really want you to wrap up telling Steve Dave.

Okay.

And then I would go, or Ken, if what if I just go on 24-7 as the Baron?

Would that be the same thing?

She's like, this is what I'm talking about.

I'm not Walt.

I'll just be the Baron then.

That is it.

That's a nice little caveat.

No, no.

She's like, you got to wrap it up, Walt.

You've played long enough with your friends.

Time to wrap it up.

I'd be like, okay,

where is this coming from?

Why do you feel it's time that I need to stop?

She's like, I just want you home or I just want you,

you know, Tom Brady gave it up, and so can you.

Yeah.

She's just like, doesn't want you.

And I'd be like, she used a psychological warfare on me because I'd be like, hey, he did wear it.

You should do what Tom does.

I want to do what Tom did.

I want to be like, Tom,

I'm done with those assholes.

I like, that's how fast the conversation is with yourself.

You make a strong point, though.

Do I even have to ask you a response?

Oh, I would be like, then start packing your shit so we can move back to the crooked house.

No, there would be no, I would be like, you're crazy.

She would never, ever, I don't think she would ever ask that of me.

No, no, of course not.

But, like, what if she did?

Like, just

tough shit.

Tough shit.

Yeah.

Well, then you stop doing something that you love.

Yeah.

You know?

In your fucking face, wife.

Yeah.

What up?

What now?

Wow.

Shit.

So the queen dies, and Tom's marriage dies in the same.

And the Koi.

And the Koi are dying.

Rough week around here.

Around here.

Yeah, but there's no confirmation that those rumors are true, though, about Brady's marriage.

So that's just the

rumors, People Magazine, all those, you know, the star.

When they smoke, there's fire sometimes, eh?

Yeah, yeah.

Let's cross our fingers, though.

Does that change?

Are there people in Vegas setting the lines and the over-unders?

Are they weighing this into it?

Well, Tom's got a lot on his mind now.

We can't.

Like people who bet on

will the Bucs

go to the Super Bowl?

If I was an odds maker, I would have to think that that may come into play on

your whatever they will, the setting the odds and what you're going to pay out.

I would have to think that everything comes into play.

Yeah.

I agree.

Yeah, I would have to think they got their fingers on the pulse of his personal life as well as the roster that he's a part of.

Yeah.

What a miserable way to live.

I caught this

story today,

and you ask yourself, like, every time somebody does something

that's fucked up, and in 2022, you're like, I mean, this could be any year, but like, why would you do that?

Like, what makes you think?

What made you think that was a good idea?

And this was in

this was it, oh, fuck, god damn it.

Okay, there we go.

Uh, Manassas Virginia Country Club was forced to apologize Tuesday for its 9-11 themed food menu that included such tone-deaf items.

Oh, how I love this, the term tone-deaf.

People don't use it enough.

Um, as chocolate silk pentagon pie, 2977 chowder, which I guess was one of the flights, and first responder flatbread.

It was a special seafood menu promoted by the clubhouse at Ikea Harbor.

The number, oh wait, oh no, my God,

I didn't catch this.

The number 2977 marks the official tally of fatalities

on September 11th.

And you could get a taste of everything if you order the Never Forget Sampler.

It has been taken down, and the guy apologized for those who he offended with the 9-11 Seafood Post.

On Sunday, my intention was to bring bring attention to that horrific day 21 years ago to honor those who lost so much.

We will have a new theme tomorrow.

Now,

it's been well documented on this show that I don't always do the right thing or say the right thing.

Sure.

You're just a person.

But to think that out, to think out that menu.

I don't know.

Like, there's one thing where it's like, it's a cafeteria and it's like Black History Month, so they have foods that are traditionally enjoyed by black people.

Sure.

really like I don't know still a line I don't want to touch I don't still don't want to touch it I don't want to make the decision what goes on that menu still don't want to touch it but it's somehow to me it's somehow like a little like that's to me seems like an earnest attempt

to to get in on like hey it's black history month let's celebrate sure

the culture exactly whereas this is like

dude it's so far out of the realm of fucking reality you're just like how out of touch are you that you think this is a good idea yeah like at what point?

And

this guy was the manager, so maybe it's like he came up with it.

But we're always like, how do these things go through the different levels and reach the top where the top person is like, 29.77?

I don't know, that's a pretty good idea, I guess.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Should he lose his job?

No, I don't think he should lose his job.

I think so.

I think it shows a clear lack of judgment.

I don't want that guy managing anything that I'm a part of.

Well, does he own the place?

Like, I don't know.

I mean, it's so boneheaded that you're right.

You're like, you can't trust him.

You can't trust this guy's decision.

Giddam's leaving, right?

Let's say Giddam is taking a new position.

Okay.

And we open up the

classified ad in for office coach, a new office coach.

And this guy comes in on his resume.

He's the guy that orchestrated at the 9-11 bucket.

No, I probably wouldn't hire him.

No,

probably.

This guy.

I mean, what else does he bring to the table?

Does he have positives?

Well, I mean, that's his most significant contribution.

Right, but is it

is he great in everything yeah but that was the that's the only strike otherwise you're like wow this guy's really good i i like this guy well i want to hire him like well okay hold on a second i gotta tell you something here's the here's the one reason why i don't know if we should hire him and i tell you that everything else is great everything else is it might be worth a conversation with a guy just be like what the fuck we will what was can you walk us through this and like he might be like look i didn't live in new york city and i know it's a fucking national tragedy he's like i just i honestly thought i was doing the right thing.

He goes,

honestly, I just didn't think it out.

This is a fucking stupid move.

I don't know.

I might be like, all right.

He deserves a second chance.

I think everybody deserves a second chance.

He meant to honor them, but at the same time, like, really,

it really went south.

It was like it was probably the worst play he could have made.

It's dumb.

It's bad, but what are you going to do?

Like, make it like take away the guy's ability to feed his family because he fucking.

I'm not saying he shouldn't ever get another job.

I'm just not sure if I want him in the other room when I'm here every day.

I mean, if everything else is great about him and that's the one thing, I could see a path.

But if like, but if it's just in the mix with a bunch of other red flags, then no,

you can't do it.

And then he, okay, so we hire him.

And he's like, hey, I got some merchandising ideas for you guys.

And he's like, you know, it's all 9-11.

It's all 9-11

slash TSD merch.

Like, the letters have all planes flying into them.

It's like a big bumper bumper sticker.

At that point, yeah.

You got to let him go.

You got to let him go.

It's too much of a liability, dude.

There's a shirt with the falling man, but it's the Baron.

Oh, God.

Yeah,

he should not be working in marketing ever again, right?

No, the guy clearly doesn't have his fingers on the pulse of the popularity.

Of reality.

Yeah, that's a bad enough decision that it's like, dude, sorry, you got to do something else.

Maybe you could be a a host.

Just don't say anything about 9-11.

Like, why are you so into 9-11 to be leaking?

Yeah, that would be an odd one.

It's just weird that somebody takes something

so tragic and somber and is like, let's try to have some fun with it.

Like, it's weird.

I mean, there's still people dying of cancer.

It could be some sort of political statement that he thought he was making.

Maybe.

Yeah.

He made a statement all right.

To use the tally of the dead as the name of a souffle as a little odd, it just strikes me as a little odd there.

Did you watch She-Hulk?

I have not yet watched She-Hulk.

She-Hulk, you haven't

heard the news about the twerk?

I've heard about the twerk, she-Hulk twerks, yeah.

She-Hulk twerked

Megan the Stallion with Megan the Stallion, yeah.

Somebody sent me a screenshot of it and was like, Do you believe this is the shit they're doing?

Oh, they were upset with it, yeah.

Um, my answer was,

I completely understand what you mean i'm like this looks bad like i get it but if you read she-hulk i'm like it's not really that far out of the realm of i thought she was like a respectable lawyer yeah but the character is more of a comedy character who breaks a fourth wall and does stupid shit

it's not my version

you know what i mean did you see the actual twerking i saw it how was it um it was

pretty poorly done in terms of like the cgi everything it just looks off it looks like they just cheaped out totally on the CGI.

Everything looks strange and

below

average of what you expect from a Disney/slash Marvel Cinematic Universe product.

It just looks like it's done

on the super cheap.

And I guess their feeling is like, hey, we can make this look fucking balls out great.

But will it mean one extra subscriber?

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know.

Do you watch the show?

Yeah, I watched it.

How is it so far?

I'm not a fan of it.

I don't think it's good.

I mean, I wasn't as, you know,

apocalyptic about the future of the Marvel Universe because of this show as some are

on the internet.

But it is funny, though, that in the first episodes, you know, the character of She-Hulk, her civilian character, is like, you know,

what I have to deal with is

not being treated

as fairly as the other male lawyers.

And then two episodes later, she's twerking in the office.

Literally in the office,

everybody,

other lawyers, can see her twerking.

So it's kind of like the messages are kind of like mixed up.

On one hand, you are trying to make a statement about being treated like

on the same level as a male lawyer, but then you're twerking.

You're twerking in your office.

Yeah, it's a professional.

I don't know.

But like, I'm not like,

I thought the show sucked before that, so I'm not like where I'm like, this is it, it's over, but it's

but it did break the internet, I thought.

Like, I'm seeing so many, like, you know, some people love it, some people hate it.

Uh, I mean,

she,

if there's a character that I would say they're gonna do it, I would, it would not surprise me that it's She-Hulk.

It's not the way I would have gone.

I don't know.

The whole show, like, the second that they start going in, and like, she's like, I'm angry all the time because I deal with what women deal with every day.

I'm like, I'm not watching this show.

I'm like, this is just all the show is telling me is that they don't want me to watch it.

So, so it's fine.

But to get upset about it anymore, I think I'm just too old.

Oh, yeah, I'm not upset by it.

But yeah, I wasn't sure what your feelings would be because, you know, because as a guy who, you know, who likes, I imagine you like to see people twerk, right?

I love a good twerker.

Right.

I wouldn't think that you would be upset by one of the characters twerking.

No, it's your Puritans out there that are a little upset by it.

I think they're more upset about, like,

wow, remember when, like, the Marvel Universe was like Iron Man being cool and shit?

Like, fucking, like, and, like, now we're down to twerking with Megan Dee Stallion?

I think that's where people are like,

but, like, just don't watch it.

Just don't fucking watch it.

Just stay away from it, man.

Well, I think everybody's really jones in to see how they're going to interact with it.

Yeah.

In the yellow costume and everything like that.

I'll watch that.

I'll probably eventually.

I think my plan is to eventually watch She-Hulk, but I was just going to wait till it was all.

They're so bite-sized, though, so you could watch

once they're all released, all the episodes, you could probably watch them in one day.

Yeah, I think WandaVision kind of broke Marvel TV for me.

Because you liked it?

No, because I was so, my opinion of it was so...

exact opposite what everybody else's were that I was like,

was this a lesson where I'm just like, people love this?

You love it so much you cried.

Yeah, nothing like that.

More like, none of this makes sense, and why am I identifying with the bad guys?

Like, it was just like, it just didn't make sense to me, and I didn't think they did a good service to the creator.

I will say, though, I felt the production values were far superior to what they're putting out now in terms of special effects.

Yeah.

And it looked like it looked like a movie.

Yeah.

Like it looked like something you would have saw in a theater.

Looked great.

Right.

I can't say that about She-Hulk.

I mean, it is like startlingly.

How do you say that?

Yeah, you got it.

Like low-budget looking.

Like the CG, like her shoulders when she turns, it looks like unfinished

CGI.

How'd they let that out the door like that?

I have no idea.

It's just like they can't get it to look right.

It looks so unnatural.

Like nothing about her movements look natural.

Everything looks clunky and clumsy.

Like she's too tall, it seems like.

So do you think what Hulk?

Well, the Hulk that they're using in the show the actual hulk they're using the model they made for the movie right so it looks they're just doing that computer model of so he looks probably good right i mean i didn't notice that in the hulk footage yeah because they have all that done already from the movies but do you think there's anything to be said about like the hulk doesn't walk completely upright and graceful so when he walks he's kind of hunched over it's kind of these big these big behemoth looking

when they had smart hulk he would he walked normally and stuff like that yeah there's something not

I think it's all that money is already spent on him.

So they could just pull it and use it.

With her, they had to build it from the ground up.

I know they cut some scenes from it because they were like, it's just too expensive to keep doing this.

So maybe it was something to do with that.

Yeah, but

you cannot not notice the inability to have her walk, which is like the most simple of the world.

That's weird.

Yeah, if you, like I'm saying, if all you could see is like how odd it looks that she's walking, you can't even listen to what they're talking about at times.

Because all you're noticing is like, wow, that looks so shitty.

That is odd that they went.

That's the worst sign of everything.

Forget the writing, because I could just be a shitty writer, but like, that is like,

that's how much they care.

It has to be.

Like, it's just too costly.

And it's like, will we get more?

It's like, even like with

on the same level, kind of like what we do on the Patreon notes, like, you know, like Chuck or Victor or like suggest something about doing something big and bigger.

Can we twerk?

And I'll be like, well, you know what?

I mean, well, it's going to cost us like maybe $300 more to do this on what we're already doing.

I'm like, it's not going to mean an extra subscriber, though.

Sure.

So it just comes down to like, I think Disney is in that same boat on a much larger scale.

It's like, you know, to justify making that CGI perfect, will it put more subscriptions in our, you know, at the end of the day?

Why the fuck didn't they just go with green screen?

What green, green paint?

Like, why didn't they just go with that?

You're not serious, right?

I'm dead serious.

Get, like, a fucking, like, like an Amazonian fitness model and, like,

digitally turn her green.

You don't have to do the paint on her.

But, like, why not just make someone green?

Like, Lou Ferigno style.

Yeah.

But modern, so it looks good.

I don't think it's possible.

I don't think it's possible to put off somebody in green makeup.

Well, you could do it digitally.

You could do it with like

you this way, you got a purse, you get a woman who's 6'2, and you just color correct it so she's green.

She looks like like she's seven foot tall, though, in this show.

Who's the actress, do you know?

Yeah.

Tatiana Mason.

She was in Orphan Black.

Okay.

Do you remember the lady who was in Cobra with Stallone?

That wasn't Bridget Nielsen, right?

Yes.

Was it?

She was tabbed.

She was in Rocky.

She was in Cobra, Bridget Nielsen?

Cobra, I don't think that.

Wow.

There's promotional photos.

If you look on your phone, she was going to be in a She-Hulk movie.

Oh, I remember that.

And that's why they don't paint a woman green.

But that's old-fashioned.

I'm talking about like, do it.

Look, it doesn't work this way.

So

it's not like I'm any dumber than they are.

Wow.

I think if you, like, let's say you landed a producer role on Disney and you green lit quote unquote.

Yeah.

Well, they would have put me on She-Hulk.

And they were like, I think we should bring in a seven-foot tall, the tallest woman we could find, paint her green, and send her out as She-Hulk.

Yeah, I think the reaction would be fucking scathing to Brian Quinn's decision.

You'd be treated the same way as the 9-11.

Hold on,

before you say that,

let me look at She-Hulk cosplay and see if anybody's nailed it.

Maybe somebody will change our mind right now.

Well, right away.

But they do it with filters, though.

Don't they do it with filters?

Yeah, but that's what you're going to do on the TV show, too.

But it's a still photo.

You can't compare a still photo to somebody walking around

sure you can

i don't think so like all right this person if they figured out a way to like just color the skin instead of making her out of complete

that doesn't even look real it doesn't look that looks like somebody like they went in a photoshop and painted her green but that's what i'm saying they're going you're describing exactly what i'm saying like put the film through the photoshop and turn her green into the oh okay so she doesn't have green makeup on green makeup on she comes out of her her trailer, she's not green.

She's not green.

She's whatever color.

So they're not remaking a whole person.

They're just turning her skin green.

Like, this woman looks great as she-Hulk.

I don't know.

All right, maybe you are onto something.

Disney calling.

I mean, look at it.

Like, right, it's done by Photoshop, but like, there's a process for that.

Okay, so you're saying get a bodybuilder.

Get a bodybuilder.

You might be onto something.

Teach her how to act and let her do it.

Like, even this fucking.

Easier said than done.

Like, even this woman just painted her her skin green but she looks real and she looks 3d oh she looks terrible though well you're talking about her

no i mean i'm just saying i think if i think again it's going to look like

it's going to look like something like from the 80s though

at the end of the day i think everyone's going to like i mean i don't want to second guess that that bq's decision to trot out

yeah but look at how good this woman looks

Yeah, and it's still photo, but I think walking around

like it may look different, though.

Right.

No, the woman who plays her now, it's totally CGI, it's not a real person, right?

So, like, they use her face, I think.

Now we're fucking getting into it.

Look at that.

Yeah.

Is she real muscular?

In the show?

No.

No, she's just this little tiny little woman.

That's Ferrigno style right there.

Yeah.

But

just like Raffalio, is that his name?

Rafano?

The guy who's like, Mark Ruffalo.

They just put all those green like little dots they wear all those green dots and then they digitalize their body and their movements to become the digital hulk right

it's an interesting choice

you know they might you might i'm i'm sure there may be a porn parody of she-hulk coming out that'll use utilize your

your method of she-hulk

but are you sticking with it or you're done with she-hulk no no i want to see daredevil You're going to stay till Daredevil.

I want to see how they bring about Daredevil and how they're going to spin it.

Like, are we going to get

the continuity of Daredevil?

Are we keeping it from Netflix, which I hope they do, or are we going in a totally new direction with

well, the fact that he's in a yellow costume should tell you kind of what's going on.

You think the yellow costume is a big giveaway that they're going in a different direction?

I think in the hands of this creative team, yes, it's a huge sign that they're going in a different direction.

I wouldn't have thought that.

I just thought the the yellow costume was just like, you know, toys, like going to sell some toys.

I'm sure,

but like,

your description of the show and what I've picked up at the show makes me think that the people making this show are it's going to be a different Daredevil.

I hope not.

I think it'll be a Daredevil Devil.

I hope he fucking flips on screen and apologizes for the men everywhere.

I'll be pretty bummed.

I think a lot of people will be disappointed if that Daredevil cannon is discarded for.

Well, let me ask you this.

How did you feel about when they bring back Kingpin?

Did you feel that was the same Kingpin or do you feel it was a different Kingpin?

I watched that first.

I actually saw the Kingpin and Hawkeye before I saw the Daredevil.

And which one do you like better?

Without a doubt, it's the Daredevil Kingpin.

Yeah, so I think you better just get ready for all these.

I just thought they didn't want to, like, since there was a kid involved, they didn't want to have that Daredevil be that scary in the Hawkeye one.

Because he's a scary MFer in Daredevil.

Kingpin, you mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, they're hitting him with cars.

They're putting him through.

I mean, didn't he get hit by a car through a wall and just got up and started swinging?

So it's not the same character.

Oh, you mean you're making me get nervous that I'm going to be disappointed, though?

I'm not even watching this show.

How are you already not nervous?

I think the internet will fucking go ape shit, though.

I think it's going to be a bad decision if they don't keep that cannon, though.

Because that was a beloved show.

Why would you change it?

Don't fix when ain't broke.

Sounds like somebody's a fucking misogynist over here.

How?

Because I want Daredevil to be the same as he was.

Don't sound like they're like Chee Hawk.

That's all.

I wonder why.

One of the reasons could be behind you not liking Chee Hawk.

No, no, man.

Oh, wow.

Twerking empowered.

I'm now the biggest stranger thing.

Like, 11's my favorite hero of all time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah, so I want to hear about it.

Okay.

I want to hear that

I can't like female, powerful female characters because I'm in love with not literally in love with 11.

That'd be weird.

But I'm just saying I like her.

She's probably of age now, right?

17 or 18?

I mean, I still see her as that bald, fucking little weird kid.

You'd have to battle with John Bon Jovi's son for her affections.

I don't know if you could

test him.

She's dating John Bon Jovi's kid?

Yeah, the kid who fucking, I mean, he couldn't have bad luck if he tried.

He's like, he's a fucking major rock star's son.

Now he's dating this beautiful girl.

Fuck you, John Bon Jovi's son, whatever the fucking name is.

I can't disagree with you more.

I wanted to

gave up that, but yeah, like,

what has he done, though?

Yeah.

Other than being his, being John Bon Jovi's son.

That's all you got to do.

No, get out of here.

I know his daughter, and she's like one of the best people.

I'm not saying he's.

Do it what?

What does she do?

She fucking works on this.

She works really hard.

Oh, that's right.

She works on your show.

Oh, yeah.

She is one of the harder-working members.

Yeah, you've said that in the past.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm actually

really impressed by it.

Well, I believe that, but the son still has something to prove to me.

Shit.

I don't know.

All right.

Well, now we're ads.

I guess that's it for the next one.

Yeah, one ad this week.

Yeah, we got to like

maybe stop powding the pavement, huh?

Maybe go some locals.

Want me to go up and down the airport plaza, see if anybody needs one?

It's a Perkins, maybe

Perkins needs one.

Yeah,

I think your hours are 7 a.m.

till 9 a.m.

You're not an early bird.

You're not eating a Perkins.

I know the laundromat like in the airport plaza, it looks like it's hurting.

You know, I, you know, what's my pitch?

Then, if I walk in, I was like, kind of rough.

You're like, it can't be rougher to try to sell fucking another pair of meundis 10 years in.

Who the fuck needs a meundis at this point?

Everybody does.

Everybody does.

Don't listen to this crazy man.

You need Miyondi.

Gas leak in here.

But it's hard.

You got to admit, right?

Yeah.

It's hard to get a conversion at this point for Miondis.

They have to realize it's like,

that's fucking hard this many years in.

Yeah, I mean, we must still do it, though, because

we're still doing it.

That's the pitch.

We can sell underwear.

We can sell your pancakes.

We're not even sure how we do it.

Oh, there was.

Oh, fuck, there was a question.

I'm not even gonna remember now.

I can't remember.

I had something.

I'm a bummer.

I'm sorry.

Yep.

Sounds like that's it for this week.

Petering out here.

God save the queen.

Oh,

yeah.

Does the queen go to heaven?

Yeah.

I think so.

Based upon what?

Rich people go to heaven.

She wear a t-shirt.

You should wear it on the show.

Or a tattoo.

You know they don't.

You know that movie, All Dogs Go to Heaven?

Yeah.

We work on the sequel, All Rich People Go to Heaven.

Oh, what a bummer place heaven would be if it was just the rich people.

They buy their way even into heaven.

Oh, Jesus.

I'll take it a little on the palm.

Or if you want to be more controversial, you can just say, poor people go to hell.

that's the back of the shirt

that's got to be on the bq's website tonight

tweet that link out

tweet that link out

rich people go to heaven poor people go to hell

check out my new clothing lane

the bq collection

you're an icon

yeah icon icon with a picture of Alec Boldwin's daughter on it.

Oh, yeah, you just steal everybody's likeness too.

You don't care about IP rights.

You got Kardashians on.

You just throw a she-hulk on there for no reason.

Yeah, you just put like Kim K on the front of the shirt and you put that logo.

Rich people go to heaven.

Yeah.

So they got Kim K.

You got the most reviled rich people.

You bedazzle it too with gold, you know, like gold ink.

Hey, you know what, you know what's cool?

You know what?

In the history of the human race, it's always, the coolest things always counter-culture.

Yes.

Always.

That's always the definition of cool.

And the culture right now is very anti-wealth, very anti-success.

People, you know what I mean?

Like, people are like, eat the rich, and like, we got to take people's money.

That's been going on since you thought of talking.

No, not really now.

Now, more than ever.

So maybe like it's a counterculture thing where people, because remember, like in the 90s, like it was cool, like people looked up to rich people.

Lifestyles of the rich and famous.

And like, that's how the Kardashians came in.

They came in before it was not cool to be rich.

Right.

And they kind of lasted through.

So maybe, maybe that's the tech now.

I saw that.

I was reading a short article about billionaires that have eclipsed

the Jenners and

Kim Kardashian and all that.

And I saw that Kylie Jenner's wealth dropped from a billion to 975 million.

I was laughing my balls off at her.

What a stupid bitch.

It wasn't her fault, though.

No, I'm just

saying it's pointless to laugh at her.

She really lost 25 million,

which would be like 25 cents to me.

Yeah, but that don't matter to her at all.

She's even noticed that.

Oh, I think you're wrong.

I think anybody loses 25 million.

Not when you're in the middle of the million.

There's a meeting.

There's a meeting that fucking.

I would argue that all of you.

How did this happen?

She loses and gains.

Oh, yeah.

I want someone's head on a fucking pike.

Yeah.

If I'm, if I'm that Jenner or whatever, Sherman is.

Kylie Jenner, yeah.

That much money you're still like worrying about.

AMC Dave costs us

$25,000.

A year?

No, no.

Let's say he lost.

He waits that much?

Our net worth.

No, our net worth.

Yeah.

He, like, somehow he lost.

He fucks up something.

And to the bottom line of TSD, it was like that would be the equation, I would think, in there, if we were going to equate TSD to the Kim K.

You wouldn't want his head on a fucking stick?

No, I would never want his head on a stick, but I would.

Would out front, right in front of the fucking.

Yeah, like this will teach someone something.

No, i would i like we would feel it that's why i'm telling you she doesn't feel it and you think that it's just business as usual i lost 25 million in a i think i think daily with the stock market when you have that much money writ that large the tiniest fluxations are going to cost you 25 million dollars for sure that would be like you wouldn't be like in at defcon 4 if you're her if i had a billion dollars i would never be at defcon 4 i'd be in like chillax for my entire time.

I'd be like, you could lose half of it and never be able to spend it.

I think it's easy to say that now, but once you're in there and like you're getting your briefings in the morning and you're like, sir, I don't know how to tell you this.

Lost another million.

It's 25 million so far this year.

I'm like, well, what about the other 990 million?

Do I still have that?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, great.

What are we wasting my time?

You're fired.

What about you?

You would take this?

I don't think you would take it.

You wouldn't want to investigate where $25 million went and how it lost.

I would definitely be curious.

But I'm saying they're so used to it because the stock market, a slight twitch

changes that bottom line.

That's true, yeah, because it's her portfolio.

I don't think it's just her company that's worth that much.

Yeah, I mean, I look at my stock portfolio and there's nobody to fucking answer to.

I could ask Robin Hood all day, and they'd be like, what the fuck did you think, asshole?

Yeah.

It's not guaranteed.

Nothing is.

So, So yeah, I'm sure.

I'm not saying she's happy about it, but I don't think.

I'm sure they're just like.

She's not sweating it, though.

I wouldn't be happy about 25 million to answer your question now.

If I had 25,

just the 25 million, I don't know that I'd ever work again.

So it's like, talk about like that level of wealth.

Why would you even like

how did you manage that amount of money?

But let's say she lost it in a business, a bad business deal.

Yeah, let's say that she say, for instance, revived a beer company and

tossed a lot of money out of it and it fucking went down the tubes.

All right, let's talk about that.

Is it easy then to just

learn, like, you just chalk it up to a bad experience?

You got it.

You tried.

You tried it.

Look, you tried it.

You succeeded in some ways, but you didn't succeed.

What are you going to do?

You move on to the next thing.

She's got so many things going on that I can't imagine there's any one thing that really matters to her.

Why do you think, how do you think she's been able to amass this kind of fortune, though?

It also

knew her handlers.

It's the same as the Olson twins.

It's people around them.

It's not like fucking Kylie Jenner, some kind of genius.

It's like there are people who are like, we can market this.

I could exploit the brand.

Yes, I can exploit the brand.

Enough people are aware of this person.

I mean, you want to talk iconic?

Like, Kim Kardashian is an icon, like it or not.

Kim, I could pick out of a lineup.

Yeah.

For sure.

The other ones look almost just like her now.

Yeah, so I'd probably know, like, Kim's the one that, like, obviously I would know who she is.

Like, that is iconic.

There's no getting around that.

This is a magazine that just came out.

They were like, Kim Kardashian is the American dream.

And that's the picture that they painted.

That's her?

Yeah.

It doesn't even look like her, does it?

Yeah, what's with the blonde hair?

I don't know.

They bleached her.

She got her ass out, though, right?

She shot her eyebrows.

That big fat ass is out there.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm boiling.

I don't need no oysters.

Are those Miundis she's wearing?

I think it's a Miundi's jock strap.

That's a recent, that's a recent

cover.

Yeah, that just came out within the past week.

I mean, she just knows.

She's like, I'm famous for my ass, so here it is.

Good for her.

Again, I've said it for a decade on this.

That's why I was saying earlier, man,

I wish I could put on Pack on the Pounds on the backside.

Yes.

And I could, like, I could money, I could market that shit then

the way Kim K does.

The American Dream.

It would work for a dude, too, right?

I think so.

I think you'd be all right.

Especially a white guy.

Everybody loves us.

I'm going to the Oscars.

I'm going to.

Your red carpet everywhere, man.

Like, you're getting into clubs.

You walk past Q, he can't get in.

Walt, Walt, Walt.

I wish.

Oh, go ahead.

Oh,

go ahead.

I wish we lived in that reality.

Yeah, it'd be awesome.

That's all you had to do.

Yeah, go ahead, bud.

You could say that.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

All right.