#528: Koi-tastrophe

I thought I knew it all.

I thought I knew at least some.

I am a pussy.

Yeah.

So I was wearing jeans the other day for a special occasion.

We're going to have to cut that.

Really?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

It's me, Bri, and I'm here with Walt.

Hello.

And we're not here with Q.

But

don't tune out.

We're not here with Giddem either.

I was going to ask how you're stanking.

Would you like to ask how you're stanking?

That's a...

Ask Walt?

Yeah.

How you stanking, Walt?

Pretty damn good now that you're here.

Yeah.

Brian Michelle.

Brian Michelle of From Tells Behind the Fake Counter, a very popular Patreon show.

Yeah.

Maybe the most popular, right?

It is absolutely the one show that everybody is like, I am subscribed solely

for Hunky Brian Nichelle.

They are there and they ain't going nowhere.

Not Chunky Brian Johnson.

Oh, I love it.

Thank you, Walter and Brian.

And in honor of September being Tales from Behind the Fake Counter month on the Patreon, where every week is an episode of Tales from Behind the Fake Counter.

Incredible.

We brought you in today just to like a little promo, a little like,

that's

how the bigwigs do it.

Comedia blitz.

That's how we do it.

Your timing's perfect, you know.

Planned like seasoned network executives, you know, right before the big event.

You don't want to start too far out.

This is the fall, you know.

And remember in the fall, how the cartoons would be on, the premiere of the cartoons right before school started.

Yeah.

You were growing up?

This is our version of that, where you're coming in, getting everybody excited, amped up.

And if they aren't on the Patreon now, they can go there and join up.

Patreon.com slash tellemsteve Dave.

It's literally

a fucking Netflix of TSD content.

There's so much content on there now.

Because it's years worth.

It's built up now where it's a fucking gigantic library.

It's costing us a fortune to host.

It really is.

But the hosting thing of all these videos and content, yeah, it's fucking crazy.

We don't give a fuck.

No.

Fans first.

We're here for the people.

That's right.

Well, you know, I mean, what can I say?

I was honored and humbled to be invited to do Tales from Behind the Fate Counter in the first place.

And now we're getting, you know, a month of it, four episodes.

It's a dream come true.

And

now to be sitting with you fellows on the original Tesdi show, it's just, I mean, I'm pinching myself.

Where do you go from here?

Nowhere.

I go to a bridge and I jump off it.

Done.

Driscoll on the way home.

Fuck it.

Thank you.

And we're kicking off this month of September, which is also Tales Behind the Fake Counter month, with probably the most highly anticipated episode ever on the Patreon.

You know, the TSD town is abuzz with what's going to happen with

the cast.

And

I'm just going to say you got to tune in.

Mostly the cast.

How much do people know at this point?

They know nothing.

They know nothing,

but there's a lot of speculation.

A lot of rumors flying around out there about big shake-up at the table.

But you can neither confirm nor deny.

You got to pay your five bucks.

I will do that.

That's that $5, huh?

That's it.

That's so sweet.

That's all it costs to get all the mysteries of the universe answered.

A measly five simoleas.

All right.

Well, it's good.

Listen, I had a little preview of

the first

episode.

The one that's dropping Tuesday.

Yep.

And I was belly laughing.

Yeah.

Good stuff.

Yeah.

Because I forgot what we talked about.

So I'm watching it again.

It's like, you know,

if I'm sitting there smiling while I'm watching it and I already lived through it once,

it's pretty good then.

Yeah.

Yeah, there is,

when we do the shows,

we have to review the episodes and shit.

Same thing.

I'm like,

certain shit I'm like, I have absolutely zero recollection of this happening.

And then other stuff, it's like you remember it so favorably and you're like, oh my God, that was like, that was what a fun time.

And then when you get to go over it again with other people who are like, who remind you about shit that you even forgot about within that,

it's pretty fun.

And one of the great things about the show is, of course, that you're involved.

And I think it's, for me, one of the fun things is now you get to weigh in

on.

the banters and all the conversations.

You get to give your opinion of what you would have said, like if you if you were behind the fake counter and instead of behind the camera, which I think is a very, very neat aspect.

And I thought today, before this episode ends, we would do like a little peek for those who don't have the Patreon of what the episode is like.

I found

five banters that I never turned in on my old iPad.

Really?

Yeah, some of them

I would have been embarrassed

to bring and to throw out there.

Like, how about this?

Because they're kind of like, you know, some are crude, some are just stupid.

He's been sitting on gold this whole time.

Well, you guys got to turn it into gold.

Okay.

So in case you're wondering who Brian Nischell is,

you know, they say

every episode is somebody's first episode.

Brian Nischell is, he was the showrunner and director of Comic Book Men back in the day.

And what we're talking about is a show called Tales Behind the Fake Counter that we do on Patreon.

And Nischell.

is one of the few guys that I stay in contact with from the show.

And like I like people.

I liked everybody on that crew.

But you know, it's after years you naturally sort of just like drift apart and ship.

But Nichelle is the one guy that I've I've stayed in contact with pretty

consistently.

Yeah, I still talk to Tom a lot.

Yeah, mom too.

But yeah, the other guys are all great.

I mean, all the guys are great.

But yeah, the one the one constant and the one where, you know, we stay in close contact would be B.N.

Yeah,

Nichelle's my guy when I'm like, I read something in the in the post that I'm like, I can't believe this shit.

I gotta text him the link.

I'm like, do you believe this, man?

Yeah, we do rant to each other.

That's nice.

It's funny, when you do TV shows,

you become sort of like family.

The longer it goes on, the more seasons you get, the closer everybody gets.

But after a while, you learn that once it's over, everybody disperses.

Like, when you're in it, everyone's like, oh my God, we're best friends.

And everyone's going out and drinking and hanging out.

And they're pouring their hearts out to each other.

There's just hugs at the end of, you know, a tough shoot or something.

And then you see that it disperses, you know?

And a lot of the younger people are often heartbroken.

Oh, yeah.

You see them later.

It's like, hey, no one from the show ever calls me anymore.

I'm like, yeah, that's the way it goes.

How is that?

Because I guess you just you get caught up in your your next gig and well, it's like school.

You're you're in you're entered you enter into this microcosm for a determined amount of time and then you go off your separate ways.

It's like, how many people, aside from me from high school, do you still talk to?

Yeah, not many.

I don't know.

I can't name one, I don't think.

Yeah.

Yeah, so when you have a common,

almost, it's almost like when you have a common enemy, right?

And the enemy, and I don't mean it in a bad way, but the enemy in that case is, you know, the show, because there's a lot of challenges when you're doing a show.

So you're almost like, you know, in a foxhole together.

There's, you know, Comic Bookman was a little different because it was like 99% of the time was a joy to produce.

But most shows are a pain in the ass.

The network's on your ass all the time.

The talent's assholes.

You know, it's tribal.

It is.

So you get together and you all are, you know, holding tight to each other to get through the production.

So you come away a lot of the times feeling close.

But then when that goes away, you don't have that common enemy anymore.

And everybody just goes on to the next challenge to attack with another team.

You have to make an effort to stay in touch.

And one, look, I enjoyed my time on Comic Book Men so much that that I was so crushed when I got the news that we weren't coming back.

And it wasn't even like consciously I said, oh, I better keep up my relationship with these guys.

It was just you guys got so

into my head and into my DNA that I would wake up on a Saturday and be like, what's everyone doing?

And I would drive down to visit you.

I got paid extra for that.

Oh, the DNA.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was a metaphor.

Yeah, so much so that I asked Ming to stop by today.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, but he was at a con.

He couldn't make it.

But I thought it would be nice to try to recreate

an episode of Tales Behind the Fake Counter for a TSD episode.

I hope I didn't give away too much right there.

People can speculate.

They can continue.

Well, this will come out Monday.

Today's Saturday.

We're doing this Saturday.

This will come out Monday.

It's coming out Monday.

Yeah.

Okay.

And then Tuesday is the

big drop.

The most anticipated episode ever in the history of the Tell Home Steve Dave Patreon.

It's going to break the internet.

I am predicting it right now that Bill Gates is going to have to repair the internet.

He's going to have to get his tool belt.

And he's going to be like, what the fuck broke it?

And they're going to be like, you won't believe this, sir.

Yeah.

There's people who wanted to know about some guy who was.

It was about a show that was covering

an AMC show that was canceled over a decade ago.

It was Well, you put it that way.

Sounds kind of pathetic.

People are hanging on so desperately.

They won't let go.

I mean, we're living in the past, man.

Oh, yeah.

That's all we do, man.

Live in the past, right?

Oh, it's so much better than a threatening show.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Shit.

Yeah, those were some of those,

I mean,

there was a certain person who ruined a lot of it for me, like some of the time that we spent.

But like when she wasn't around and it was just us, it was fucking great.

Yeah, it was really fun.

It's like

some of the nicest people and some of the best times that I've had personally, like going down to Ocean Grove and hanging out.

Oh, yeah.

Being a Jewish guy, did you read the

Ocean Grove news that they made a dock in the shape of a cross?

We talked about it last week.

No.

Yeah.

I thought you might boycott Ocean Grove after this.

I guess they had plans to build the dock after Sandy, and it went on years and years and years.

And they finally got a plan for it like three years ago.

And they just recently built it, like in this past June or July.

And there are certain people who are freaking out because it's in the shape, like it goes out.

And then there's like, you know, two arms that reach out.

It's in the shape of a cross.

Yeah.

And some

Jewish people don't like it.

Some LGBTQ people don't like it.

Some non-religious people don't like it.

Keep doc secular is what they're saying.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Listen, if I had to weigh in on this right now, I'm all for it.

Yeah, I'm all for the dock.

It's a dock.

The shape of like, you know, one horizontal line and then, you know, a vertical line intersecting,

you know, not in the middle.

Shockingly, really doesn't play a factor into your life that you would ever feel the need to ever comment on it, right?

No, no, never.

First of all, I wouldn't even have seen a cross in it.

I'd be like, oh, it's a dock, and then it's got a little cross.

Well, let's say you were in a helicopter flying above it.

Then you'd be like, holy shit.

Yeah.

Is that a.

Tell me that's not a.

You know, I mean, listen, I mean, I understand there were events like the Spanish Inquisition and stuff.

I understand that.

But, you know, Ocean Grove, which I'm very fond of,

was nicknamed God's Square Mile.

I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah, that's what the locals called it for a long time.

I guess, you know, totaled about a square mile

around.

And it was called God's Square Mile, and it was settled by, you know, a religious group.

And there's a giant church at the center of it.

And Sundays, you can't go on the beach before noon.

And there's a little pavilion where there's often church choir singing, where there's often ministers preaching.

And I always thought it was nice.

Quaint, right?

Quaint and nice.

Throwback to a days gone by.

Again, enjoy the past.

You know what I mean?

Like, I would never look at it and say, oh, this is a Klan rally.

What are these people people doing?

I don't know if anybody said that.

Well, I mean, several times if that occurred.

I'm not trying to say it is true.

Why is everyone up in arms?

Why are you

surprised?

You know, people need something to be up in arms about.

I mean, it's just the way it is.

Some people, if they don't have something to be up in arms about, they just don't know what to do with themselves.

You know why?

Because their lives are empty.

Well, I think we're living in times where all of our basic needs are so taken for granted, everything we need to survive in the world and thrive in the world is at our fingertips.

So, when you could essentially have kind of a problem-free life, you start inventing problems like the docks in the shape of a cross.

That's fucking

very wise.

Quinn would have never said that.

I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to come out and say that, but

damn, he's got a fucking, he's got to bring his A-game next week.

Yeah, he's going to bring you some sort of like knowledge drop like that.

Yeah, that's all it takes.

I'm a genius.

You mentioned something earlier about a reality show.

I think I was thinking the same thing today.

I'm like, there has to be a reality show in somebody who buys a house who's as unhandy as that.

Ill-equipped to deal with that house.

That's a great show title.

Ill-equipped.

Yeah.

Got it.

Nobody steal that?

Yeah.

And it could be guys like me who are totally ill-equipped to go into a situation with a house.

Like he's got to rewire rewire all the

electricity in his house.

Guys, I shit you not.

I love this.

I swear to God, I get pitched shit all the time.

I love this.

What happens a lot of the times, oh, I go, I love this.

And then someone goes, yeah, it's in like season game on Amazon Prime.

I don't know what's going on.

We'll have to talk about this off camera.

We've given away too much already.

Really?

Yeah, I like this.

All right.

Well, it's documented here.

So if anybody steals it,

they're busted.

The other thing I was thinking of, I'm like, if I could go back in time, right?

I get in a time machine and I go back to like we graduate high school.

I think what I would do is whenever a major decision came up, I would go to Walton and be like, what should I do?

Because

he's always right.

Oh, my God.

Almost always right.

No, I was like,

and because I'm planking those lips and kissing all over them.

I'm wrestling with this pool

that I can't fucking deal with.

Do you have a pool?

No, I do not have a pool.

We move in.

The pool is great.

It's crystal clear.

It's what you want your pool to look like.

Within a week, there's something called mustard algae in it.

Well, that's not good.

Oh, no.

Reminds me of mustard gas.

Yeah, yeah.

Like poisonous.

It's pretty bad, right?

Part of the patch we don't like.

Well, it depends on who's dropping those mustard bombs.

True.

If it's the great old US of A,

fuck whoever's underneath the break.

The problem with it is, you know, wind.

Yeah.

So eventually it kind of comes around.

We should have thought that through.

The variables.

Yeah.

Wind.

Didn't think it through.

Okay.

Yeah.

So mustard algae.

Mustard algae.

So first I'm like, why is this pool so cloudy?

You have to bring your water sample down to the pool place.

And they're like, all right, you need this shit to shock the chlorine and you need this phosphate thing to reduce it.

So that's what I do.

I go back.

She's like, all right, you got the chemicals?

Perfect.

And I'm like, why is it still cloudy?

And she's like, well, just run the main pump and it should be okay for a while.

In the meantime, my niece and Mary Beth were like messing around with the heater and they smelled gas.

So I'm like, all right, well, now I got to call them to come and check it out.

It turned out that it was just like the initial, like, when you first turn it on, there's like, I guess, a little gas.

Okay, so you had somebody come out and take a look, right?

Yeah.

What did they say about the mustard algae?

He was the one who told me about it.

Because he was like,

the gas company came out and told you about it.

No, no, no.

This is the pool company that came out.

Oh, you didn't call the gas company?

No.

Okay.

No, because I think.

Did you call it gas leak?

You would call your

pool?

I didn't smell it, though.

Like, hey, you know, you want a pizza?

I'm going to call a plumber.

I guess so.

Oh, yeah.

Usually the gas guy will come out for free.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well,

he told me very little about it.

He was like, yeah, sometimes it's just like when you first turn it on, you know, you get that initial spell of gas, but your flames look good.

It might have been burning up a cobweb or something.

Now give me $185.

Yeah, it wasn't cheap.

But

he did hit me to this.

I said, Why is it still cloudy after all this time?

You know, I ran the main pump and everything.

He's like, Oh, you got mustard algae.

You need something called slime away.

So now I got to go get this slime away shit.

And nothing is like, oh, wow, it's only $3.

Oh, no.

No, everything's fucking super cool.

The whole industry only lasts for a few months.

Yeah.

They have to make sure that they get

all their money in that three months to sustain them through the long, cold winters where they're fucking, no one gives a fuck about pools.

Right.

They're all covered up.

Yeah, and then the pool guy is the most forgotten person on the face of the planet.

Fuck pool guys.

I can't get a pool guy to come to the house.

That's what I told this guy.

He's like, yeah, we all, you know, it's very late in the season, so we're not taking any more people on contracts.

Because, like, in order to get somebody to come and check your pool once a week, you have to do a contract.

You can't just

ask them once in a while.

I would close it up, even though it's a little bit early and you might have some 99

or below days still to come.

I would maybe close that pool up for the season and then work all winter long getting on someone's contract that they're your pool guy for the season, next season.

Yeah, that's what I need.

I need a guy that can do it.

But then, like, I said, because I'm the type of person, like, something happens.

And I'm so narcissistic that I'm like, why only me?

This would only fucking happen to me.

But this guy was like, hundreds.

He goes, we deal with this hundreds of times every summer.

It's like, this is a very common problem.

So you put the slime away in, and what's going to happen?

It's going to kill the algae.

But then it all sinks to the bottom of the pool.

So the pool is still not blue.

And he's like, and then you got to vacuum it up.

He's like, do you know how to vacuum it up?

No.

No.

Have you been doing what most people who are involved in home renovations that don't know what they're doing do?

Have you been hitting a YouTube?

I haven't hit YouTube yet because we've only been painting.

We got in like

a little bit over almost two weeks ago now.

And what happened was, you know, I said last last week, Mary Beth was like, oh, I just want to painting will be done in two days.

I just want to do these two rooms.

Now it's every fucking square inch of the house.

Oh, she's like, she fucking knew that she couldn't hit you with, like, we need two months of painting because that would overwhelm you.

Right.

So she told you two days on purpose.

So he'll believe it.

It's true.

I'm telling you.

I did believe it.

I'm telling you,

that was all calculated to not overwhelm you.

She says we got two months of painting ahead of us.

Right.

You're a miserable bastard.

Oh, by the way,

we're also going to have to empty the storage unit, empty the pod.

We're going to have to pack the house.

We've got to do all this shit.

Like, she was fucking convinced we were moving in by September 1st.

And I'm like, there's no fucking way.

There's no way.

Are you painting the entire house, every room?

Pretty much every room.

I had to draw the line at the laundry room.

I'm looking at this laundry room, and I'm like, this is maybe the lowest fucking priority possible.

I got mustard algae to deal with.

I'm not fucking patient of a laundry room that looks perfectly fine.

It's like this beige wall that's like neutral.

It's like, how much time are we going to spend in here?

None.

So, where did Brian Johnson go?

Because I would have like,

why aren't you just like, these rooms are good enough?

And that's not the end of it.

Once she came back with all the paint, what could I do?

She went to Lowe's.

She could.

She goes, I'm going to go get some paint.

It's all this like specialized colors and shit.

So So I'm going to go to Lowe's and pick up a few things.

She came back with, no lie, dude, 15 gallons of paint.

Yeah.

And it's never one coat.

Not one coat.

It's never one coat.

It's never one coat.

So I was like, oh, shit, look at all these places I missed.

I mean, this is, listen,

I don't want to come off the wrong way here, but this is how it goes.

I went.

I mean, this is what they do.

And by they, I mean, you know,

the wives.

Not for me.

Dude,

I laid the foundation.

I am useless.

I am useless in this aspect.

I laid that down almost from day one, like while at courting, you know, I was just like, you know, I mean, I don't want you to ever think that I can ever help you in any way.

Those four marriage vows?

I vow never to attempt to help you in any way.

You could, I will always attempt, but you will always be so disappointed with the outcome of that attempt that you would be like, it's better to not even let him try.

Oh, she's brilliant.

You know, and that has really gone a long way where I'm not expected to do any of this shit.

You're right.

He's always right.

Listen, this is unbelievable.

I told you.

But you know who you need?

Maybe you want to maybe coax her out of retirement is my wife.

She was an amazing pool

maintenance person.

She was amazing.

I remember you saying that, but I'm just like visualizing Deb fucking fixing my pool for me.

She would tell the pool people, you know, like their business when she walked in, like, you need this.

He goes, No, I don't.

I need this, this, and this.

Really?

Like, oh, you know what?

You're right.

Oh,

she was, she was like, she was a scientist when it came to the pool.

She would get the shock, all that bullshit.

Yeah.

You would talk about it endlessly, and I would be like,

is it a fucking November yet?

Because I don't care about the idiot.

Do you have a pool currently?

We got knocked down in storing sandy.

We never brought it back.

But when we had it, though,

you couldn't, you could eat off of it

with water in it.

Yeah, wow, because that's how clean it was.

It was perfect.

Yeah, I remember when you had the two parties there, and both were crystal clear, both.

Yeah, one of the

came in because we had something going on with a pump, and we got a professional in who she her.

She teached what somebody who did something in the pool industry or did at one point.

He came in and he just could not stop giving compliments.

Like, you know, he thought it was water from a sparkling creek.

It was so clean.

Wow.

Yeah.

So she knows what she's doing.

I mean, she hated it, though, so you would have to throw a couple bucks away, but she might come in for a consultation, though.

That would be all right.

I mean, I paid a guy to fucking be like, yeah, it's a cobweb.

Fucking

$200 later, I'm like, oh, okay.

But now what do I do?

Fucking, it doesn't help me.

That was a glowing recommendation, Walt.

If you don't take him up on that, oh, I'm not saying she'll do it.

Yeah, she probably won't.

Now, your listeners aren't going to know this guy, and maybe it's for off-camera, but you have to talk to Matty V, who was our production manager on Comic Book Men.

The go-to man.

You need something, go to him.

No matter what it was.

Either it was illicit or above board.

Yeah, he dealt a lot of drugs on Scott, I remember.

I confirm and don't deny these allegations against Matty V.

Like a bazooka, a worker.

Anything bazooka?

Yes.

You would say, can you find me?

Well, dude,

you kid, but that's the kind of shit he would do on dual survival.

He would find those kinds of things.

Anything we needed, and he'd get it.

Like in Central America, Matty V worked for a pool company.

Matty V did not deal drugs, by the way.

That was a joke.

Now that I'm thinking that I said that, exactly.

No, nobody knows his last name.

Who the fuck is a shit?

That's true.

It could be a different Matty V, right?

I mean, there's no.

No, no, no, no, no, that's not true.

He was a pool boy.

He was.

He worked for a pool company.

He was the best.

And was he banging chicks?

I bet you he was, right?

Pool boy stories?

He doesn't have any pool boy stories, but when he was a delivery boy for

Linwood Pizza, he had some pizza boy stories, huh?

Fuck, I was a pizza boy for a while.

Other than me giving the wrong change one time and then realizing I gave too much back, like

shockingly too much back from like, they gave me a 50 and I gave him back 60.

And I realized that I had to go back like an hour later, knock on the door, like, hey, I need that money back.

I gave you the wrong amount.

He's like, really?

Playing stupid?

And be like, I don't think so.

And I was like, I know so.

I got it back because I was like, I'm going to get fired, you know, if I don't get this back.

And I guilted them enough to do what I was doing.

What did you have to do?

Just, you know, just look sad.

Okay.

Yeah, just look pathetic.

Okay.

Pretty much, you know.

Fair enough.

Easy to pull off.

Yeah, when it's genuine, you're like, shit.

I'm fucking 19 and about to lose 60 bucks.

I'm older than that.

Don't worry.

And the other part was the house has a koi pond.

Oh, that's sweet.

That's cool.

You would think so, right?

You would think so.

Would you want to have that on your

list of things to do?

No.

But it sounds beautiful.

You definitely don't because, Walt.

No, some of them die.

About 25 to 30% of them drop dead.

What?

Yeah.

Are you serious?

No, I'm serious.

Those big ones?

This is less than a week ago.

They were all alive.

Yep.

There was no cold snap.

There were like three days, right, three days ago.

We went in and we always sit at the table.

We eat the bagel in the morning and Mary Beth just shoots up.

She goes, the Koi are dead.

And I was like, what, what?

And so we get up, and there's like all these koi floating on top of the pond.

Oh my God, it's like a horror movie.

And I fucking, now,

this is partially because I hadn't been taking my medication and partially because I was truly fucking incensed.

I started yelling at her, which only upset the situation more because I kept telling her to call the realtor who was boasting about his koi pond.

And I was like, it just seems like, I'm like, it seems like the pump isn't working, or it seems like there's something going on with these fish.

like call Anthony and see like what we should do and she never called she never called she put it off and then the fucking fish died off it turned out it was the water levels the water level was too low so there wasn't enough oxygen and it was getting choked by like all this algae and shit

so was that your fault no i i feel like it was the guy before us okay because It's not like

the water level would drop that much in one week, and it's not like the algae would bloom that much inside of a week.

So it's like

the people before us should have filled it up more than they did.

This is not unexpected.

These are not cheap fish.

No, I've heard.

This is not unexpected, but it is fucking staggeringly quicker than I thought it would ever have happened.

At least over the winter, maybe they would have died.

Not within days after you visiting.

I am speechless.

I am fucking speechless because we called it.

We said that him,

these fish got a death sentence when he fucking moved in.

Yeah.

Bay of Blood, I think you called it.

I said,

there's no way these fish are going to make it.

I just never dreamed it would be

six days after making his proclamation.

He knows tradam.

Do you see why?

It's like all these things.

I'm like, Walt was right.

Yeah.

Walt was right.

I just got to listen to him.

Just got to listen to Walt.

There's nothing I could have done.

There's nothing I could have said, though, that changed this.

You could have said, fill up the water.

I wouldn't have known that it was too.

All I did know was when I saw how many fish were in there, and I was like, and he was like feeding them, and I was like,

there's way, way too many fish in here for some of these fish to feed because only the big ones are getting the food, and the other ones look like they may be starving because they're just not going to be able to get enough food.

It's not going to drop down to where they're, because they're like that hierarchy of fat fish versus little fish.

And the little fish didn't look like they were feeding.

And I was like,

maybe there's just an overpopulation of fish in here, which

now it's not a problem anymore since 25 years.

No, it's been cold.

Yeah, for sure.

It's a good thing.

Was it the smaller, weaker fish that died?

No, it was the hardy big fish because

the oxygen levels were so low that the smaller fish were able to power through.

They had littler gills.

I guess so.

Smaller gills.

Littler?

Is that a real word?

Yeah, littlers.

I heard a little biased.

Accepted.

But right?

Like a big fish would have much bigger gills,

drawing more oxygen, right?

They'll need more oxygen to stay alive.

Yeah.

Wow.

What'd you do with them?

Fish die off, just put them in a plastic bag and throw them in the garbage.

Like, how many fish?

25%.

Okay, if I had to guess,

30.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Holy shit.

This is like a fucking massacre.

Yeah.

Yeah, we were calling it a coitastrophe.

That's the name of this episode.

Amazing.

Coitastrophe.

But how upset was she?

She was really upset.

And me yelling at her.

She's got to do the animals and shit, right?

Oh, she's named them and all kinds of stuff.

There's Mr.

Magoo, there's Pablo, there's Bow and Arrow.

Mr.

Magoo made it.

Mr.

Magoo made it.

Oh, my God.

Brian, I feel like, you know, you're calling me in too late because this would have been an amazing episode of the reality show of you

lying a house.

Yeah, ill-equipped.

I mean, this would have been an unbelievable episode.

Well, we know that it's all bullshit.

Can't you just recreate all this with

an adequate act?

Absolutely.

And also, don't worry, I'm going to fuck up plenty in the future.

We should have been rolling this.

Whole time.

There's not one door in that house that just closes.

They're all kind of swollen and shit a little bit.

So I have to have my brother Darren, because my brother Darren's really handy.

He's as good as Edgar, if not better.

Wow, that's some lofty praise.

Yeah, he's really good at that.

So let me guess.

If I was, like, since I like talk about El Equip, that's my life story.

That should be my autobiography,

which I'll which I'll license to you for the show if it goes through.

But if I had to think how he's going to fix those doors, he gets them off the hinges and he gets one of those planers that scrape and you scrape the door down till it's the perfect size?

Or do you have to buy all new doors?

No, I think that you can adjust it because Ernie did it for me in the crooked house.

Like one of the doors, like when I tried to put it up, it was just like actually I ended up breaking the door on purpose because I got so pissed.

So then I had to go buy buy another door and then hire Ernie to come and just like he's like, oh, yeah.

And like they make it look so easy.

Like what Ernie's doing, he's like, yeah, you just got to do this.

Well, you know what?

That's because it's not your field, though.

Like, can you, okay, sit Ernie down and come up with, like, okay, all the fish died.

Give me a fucking catchy, like, fucking phrase for it.

Right.

Like, coitastrophe.

Right.

He'd be fucking sitting there all the day.

I'll fix your door for you.

See?

Everyone's got their little special skill.

Yeah.

Ernie's great at that kind of stuff.

I'm not, man.

And it's weird because, like, I did work with Edgar when I was young.

Like, in high school, like in summers.

But you weren't a sponge, though.

No.

You were not a sponge.

You would just not allow yourself to be a sponge.

You were like

bigger and better things for me, Edgar.

I'm just doing this for, um, like,

you know, I'm for a short time.

I'm on my way to bigger and better things.

Yeah.

That's you, Edgar.

That's why you just didn't take the sponge.

Yeah, because I didn't think it would be necessary.

Like, in retrospect, I would have paid more attention.

But you can't change your mentality.

You can't change your interest level.

You can't make yourself care about something if you don't care about it.

It just won't work.

Yeah.

Either you're interested in DYI or you're not, right?

Yeah.

But now you wish you had some of those skills.

You didn't know.

You couldn't see in the future and know that one day you'd be killing fish, none of your doors would fit.

You know, and you're like, I should have had some other interests instead of just making wise cracks all day.

Yeah.

just making jokes at Edgar being like, oh, Mr.

Personality.

I'll fucking fix you about it.

I would love to just go back in time and just witness you like apprenticing your father as he's fixing shit around the house.

Yeah,

he was not a patient guy.

I don't know if he'd be the best teacher for you either, though.

Oh, especially when I was young.

He was like the most impatient dude.

Yeah, he didn't have the patience that it would take to teach a young Brian Johnson, you know, something he didn't care about.

Yeah.

Now, it only took like

50 years or so, 45 years to get to a point where we're like,

not civil, but like we'd like talk to each other and it's like we don't argue or anything.

Like that went up until my 30s.

Like I remember being like...

in my early 30s and getting to a fist fight with him.

It's funny.

It reminds me of, you know, if you read Springsteen's autobiography.

The boss?

The boss.

I mean, he had a very tumultuous.

He tussled with his father?

I don't know if it got physical.

He didn't talk about getting physical with his father, but they had a rough relationship, which inspired many of his greatest songs.

And then later in life,

you know, after he's a full-grown man, successful, they come back together and he enjoys, you know, amazing times with his dad.

But only after, you know, he's older and his dad is elderly.

It's a common road that we walk down with ourselves.

He waited until he was in the power position, Bruce.

You know, they say say we are too soon old and too late smart, Walt.

Damn, man, he is just fucking

them.

Truth bombs.

Dropping them.

Yeah.

Well,

speak from experience.

One of the things we had to do,

Mary Beth was so hot to clean out this storage unit because when she first got it, it cost her $200 a month.

Now it's like $400 and something a month.

So she's like, I want to clean that.

I don't want to put the shit in the garage.

I don't want to pay for that storage unit anymore.

Meanwhile, we're between the two houses,

and

the other, the rent on the other house is far more than the fucking $400 that it would cost the storage unit.

So I'm like, why don't we just pack the house?

But, you know, overruled, whatever.

How does Bronton Johnson get overruled?

Because I'm just like, I'm not going to pack the house.

So if this is what you fucking want to do, then I guess this is what we'll do.

It has to get done.

So fuck it.

I think I've reached the age where I'm like, I don't know anything.

I thought I knew it all.

I thought I knew at least some.

I'm like, I don't know shit.

Is it that or are you sick of fighting?

I don't really fight that much.

I think I've just gotten to a point where I've taken a step back and been like,

the things that I thought I should do or the things that I thought were right or the decisions that I made, I'm like, a lot of them were probably like not

They were probably not well thought out or as thought out as they should have been.

So I've like really started to take other people's opinions and other people's views into account a lot more

as opposed to being so arrogant and thinking I know it all.

I know it took 54 years to get to that point, but that's the point I've reached.

I think it's healthy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The healthiest guy you know.

Yeah.

Look at me.

I do.

I think it's I think it's healthy.

You're giving people the benefit of the doubt.

You're not shutting them down right away.

Is that true?

Yes.

Yes.

I think that's pretty accurate.

Okay.

But it's like people that I respect or people that I'm friends with or that I know.

It's not like I would just, like, if Walt was like, hey, I think this, I would just dismiss it.

You know, like, I would, but a stranger, I'd be much more likely to be like, whatever, dude.

Right.

But now you're open.

So, what strangers are giving you advice that you're nobody, but if they do, I'm ready for it.

He's ready.

But, well,

let me read this real fast and then we can go back because I have something with dads to talk about that I thought was kind of weird.

I know I got to bust it up with Care of.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Some sort of like.

No,

this is just a spot.

Care of is a subscription service that ships high-quality personalized vitamin supplements and powders conveniently to your door every month.

And Brian Nichelle, the fall is just around the corner.

Are you on a vitamin regimen?

Because you're a really healthy guy.

I am.

Fit and trim.

Yeah.

What's a Brian Nichelle take daily?

20 milligrams of

stuff.

Exactly.

This may sound excessive.

I take.

Wheat germ?

No, I take 20,000 IUs of vitamin D every day.

That's what Mary Beth takes.

What?

20,000?

No, some vitamin D.

Yeah, vitamin D.

Oh, hey, ho.

Yeah, yeah, I got that.

You want to know more?

Yeah, I do.

I take 500 milligrams of curcetin.

What's that for?

It helps my cells absorb the vitamin D,

and it also helps with inflammation for my arthritic knees.

I take magnesium, helps with bone and muscle repair.

I take a thousand milligrams of vitamin C, and sometimes another thousand later on.

You're just popping pills all day then if you're just taking all of this.

You're like me, circa comic book, man.

Yeah,

healthy shit.

Good stuff.

Yeah, so it's a handful in the morning, and then it's like two or three.

Can you do the horse pills, or do you need little pills?

Because I could never do the horse pills.

Yeah, the magnesium is pretty big.

I could take pretty big pills.

Oh, man.

I am so fucking like in awe of you.

Anybody that could take those horse pills, I was like, how do they do it?

Yeah, I'm a pretty good swallower.

That's what he was trying to get you to say.

That was my nickname in college.

Asked my mother the battles that we would have if I had to take like a normal-sized pill, let alone like an oversized pill.

it was torturous.

It was like

dreaded.

Like when if I got sick and I had to take a certain pill that was over

that I thought in my eyes was too big, which was like anything.

Right.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah.

Anybody, I could respect anybody who could take those horse pills.

Put them down.

Walt, I'll put five of the vitamins in my hand at one time, pop them in, I swallow all five together.

How's that for throat muscle control?

And you don't gag?

Don't gag.

No gag reflex.

Yeah.

That's why you're so healthy.

Sword swallower.

I mean, I wanted to knock on wood here, but I mean, I think that is what sustained me.

I've been in so many COVID-infested rooms over the past two and a half years or whatever.

And I've

also traveled to all corners of the globe.

You put yourself in where these

remote tribes and shit where you're like, they haven't seen an American ever.

And you're walking amongst them.

And you don't know what microbe can get in your, get in, you know, inside your body.

You get a pygmy germ on you, yeah.

No, forget me, right?

You're like, you're on the seas, yeah, like there's no doctors, and so it's like it's either you, if you get something, you either got to fight it off with your own body strength, yeah, or not.

That's true.

I mean, your, your, your immune system is your, you know, your natural defense.

Why wouldn't you boost it up as much as possible?

And that's what care of's for.

That's what care of is for.

See,

everything you take is bullshit.

See, what you need to do,

right?

Please do tell.

You go to careof.com and you take a short in-depth quiz about your lifestyle and health goals for a personalized recommendation, which takes the guesswork out of what supplements are best suited for you.

Staying consistent with the vitamin routine helps you stay on track and really see results, and Care of is here to make that easier than you thought possible.

Each shipment comes with a customized booklet showing you exactly what is in your individual daily packs and why it was recommended specifically for you and your health goals.

It's very easy.

They send you the box of vitamins, like with your predetermined vitamins and supplements and shit, and it has your name on it, which I like.

Gidum takes them.

I take them.

I do, too.

Walt does, of course.

Yeah.

Of course I do.

Only the biggest pills.

Only the biggest horse pills.

Let me ask you this with those big pills.

Are they coated with the, like, the, to make them go down smooth?

Or you do those dry horse pills, which are like really for like, those, the coated ones are for the fucking sissies, right?

Yeah.

You take those dry, fat ass horse That's right, chalky.

No water.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I'm like, I winced when you said it because I was just thinking about having to try to do that.

Let's see.

So, yeah.

Care of.

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How long have you been on that regimen?

About three years.

Three years?

Yeah.

How did you come up with it?

Like, did someone, like a doctor, is this is what you need?

Or did you look on, like, just Google it or something?

Yeah, I was reading a lot about it.

I think I heard Joe Rogan's podcast had a bunch of different people on talking about it.

So I would hear things from different people and then look them up and do a little further reading.

He's all into the muscles, right?

He's into the muscles.

He's very into health and vitamins.

He's an alpha girl.

So you would go, that's the podcast you'd go to.

Like, You wouldn't go to TSD, well, unless we're doing a care of commercial, but

we wouldn't be the podcast you would go to and be like, let me hear what these guys have to say about

it.

Not so much about

health and fitness, but yeah, that Joe Rogan gets some really

smart

scientists.

He looks like he's all buffed out to

the neck.

That guy is a ferocious fighter.

Joe Rogan.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he looks like he could.

Yeah, he's into all the MOA stuff, right?

Yeah, I mean, he was

a,

I get, I think, national champion

competitor in Taekwondo when he was younger, like best in the country.

He's got a vicious spinning back kick.

You should see.

Yes, he trains.

He trains, you know, mixed martial arts.

You should see, I don't know why I'm pumping up Rogan here.

He's got enough people watching him, but it's pretty impressive to watch him work the heavy bag with his spinning back kicks.

It's insane.

It's like the most power you've ever seen in a kick.

like definitely you would die if he kicks you in the stomach you're dead really yeah yeah it's impressive oh yeah

that's all that's all i have to say about that guys

yeah me

um i was talking about uh i was talking about the storage unit now cleaning out the storage unit let's me mary beth and uh edger did it

and um

it was the first time like the day before we had to go to monroe which is like 30 minutes from here or something like that 40 minutes and uh we had to pick up a dining room table.

Me and Edgar pick up a dining room table and what did she call it?

A buffet.

Somebody was selling it on Facebook.

And it was so fucking heavy.

So between that and then the next day when we were like

carrying shit,

just suddenly occurred to me, I don't know why, but it suddenly occurred to me.

I'm like, Edgar's 75.

And I suddenly felt really guilty about him helping me.

And then I'm like, later, like, he took off the next day.

He was too tired after doing the storage unit.

And I'm just like, he's mortal.

And that had never really occurred to me before because he's always the guy.

Like, if you needed something done, you need like, hey, how do I do this?

Can you help me with that?

It's like he was the guy to go to.

And obviously he still is.

He helped a lot with like the painting and like he's re-taping shit and all that kind of stuff.

But it like, it made me very like melancholy in a way because like everybody's dropping off.

You know, like so many deaths this summer Murray's mom just died.

Why aren't you planning like a weekend getaway?

I thought you were going to say his funeral.

No.

Like a weekend getaway.

Like you and your dad go up to Pennsylvania, get a cabin, no work.

Just, you know, you guys just go maybe go fishing.

I don't know.

Maybe you go, you know,

canoeing, go out to dinner, you know, like just the boys, like father and son.

I feel like I would have to ask Darren.

The one-on-one, I just like, I'm not there yet.

Maybe a couple more years.

A couple more years?

You got to better think about doing it now.

You can't

rely that there's always going to be a couple more years before you feel comfortable enough to talk

one-on-one with your dad for 48 hours straight.

Yeah.

But he's okay to talk to him because if I just steer it towards politics,

we're kind of on the same page about a lot of stuff.

Pretty amazing.

He's 75 and helping out like that.

75 and like

working his ass off.

I saw him.

Yeah, he looked really good.

He still looks really good.

He still looks the same to me.

That's amazing, bro.

I mean, really.

It's going to be cliche, but you have to cherish it.

He's on a regiment of Karev.

I don't know if we told you that.

Edgar is.

Edgar is.

I mean, nobody looks so good.

All my questions have been answered.

I was wondering how he stayed so fit and vibrant.

Of course, it's the Karev regiment.

I should have known.

Yeah, so

it did make me like,

it did make me think about wasted time.

Wow.

You know, like

ball games that you guys didn't go to.

But he doesn't have any interest in any of that shit.

Like it's not, we'd never had that relationship of like, hey, let's go to a ball game.

Like I remember like practicing for Little League and him like hitting like pop-ups

so I could catch him.

And I'm like, I'm complaining because the sun's in my eyes and I can't see.

The fucking ball literally bounced off my head one time because I couldn't see.

And then he was just like, well, if you're going to be a baby and cry about it, then let's just go home.

That's how Brett Favre was taught by his father.

Oh, yeah, yeah, maybe I should have gotten hit in the head a couple more times.

I could have been a pro,

but there's like there's those guys from that era, from especially Edgar's era.

Tough love was the way to raise a man, yeah, you know.

Look what you know, I don't know, though.

I don't know if that was the way to go.

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

I can't do the tough love.

I can't do it with Sage.

Sage says,

with the kids,

yeah, I can't do it.

I mean, not like crazy.

I am a pussy.

Yeah.

My daughter does something that makes my wife mad.

And I always go like, stopped.

You know, I always like side with the kids.

Always, because I just, I can't be tough love.

A couple of daddy's girls.

Yeah, that's what Sage is a daddy's girl.

It's just.

Well, I mean, they're not, like, I wouldn't even say they're daddy's girls, but I just can't, I just terrified that they're going to be mad at me.

So I'm like, so I don't.

So I just keep my mouth shut and kind of like, don't back up my wife.

She's like, why'd you back me up on that?

And I'm like,

come on.

Like, I want them to talk to me.

I don't want them to be mad at me.

I want him to be popular.

You.

Yeah, no, no.

You can't win either way.

I mean, look,

the way Edgar was,

that's a type of dad.

My dad was the.

Very common in the 70s.

Very common.

That was not.

My father was just, he just ignored us.

All right.

Oh, I had that dad, too.

Right.

So he just ignored us.

We did whatever we wanted.

So I kind of became a lunatic to get his attention.

You think that's what was going on?

Yeah, I spent a lot of time in therapy.

This is what we came up with.

But I never, but I never did.

Like I almost tried to get him to be tough love with me and come down and shake me and be like, you know, you're 12 years old.

You're drinking like an 80-year-old alcoholic.

What the fuck are you doing?

You know, get your shit together, kid.

And it never happened.

But you wanted it to happen, you think?

Yeah, I did.

That's what you think now?

You wanted him to show that he cared?

Probably, yeah.

Wow.

This is deep, too.

You can't win, you know.

And then, if he was the other way, I'd be rebelling against that.

The guy's all over me.

He won't let me be myself.

He's telling me not to drink.

He's telling me not to do this and that.

And he's, you know, he won't leave me alone.

So you try to do the middle ground in between that?

Trying to run the middle ground.

Does it work?

You know,

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure yet.

Your kids are younger.

My two girls are adults,

19 and 25, almost 25.

So it's harder to,

you know, it's just har they're adults.

It's harder to be like that kind of like, if something my wife is not pleased about something.

It's a different dynamic, though.

They're adults, though.

Yeah, I don't, I mean, look, my daughter's going to be 18 in a month, right?

She's just started her senior year.

And I, and I, and she's a really good kid.

So I rarely have to like put her in check about anything.

But, you know, she's, she's feeling herself.

She's like started.

dressing like she's from the 60s now.

So she's wearing this go, she's wearing this outfit the other day that makes her look like a 60s go-go dancer.

The white boots, the halter top, the whole thing.

So she's wearing it around all morning.

I'm like, interesting.

Okay.

She's going to the day before the first day of school.

She was helping the freshmen with orientation.

But then a little later in the morning, she added a little garter to the outfit, a little garter around her thigh.

So I see it and I go, what is that?

She's like, it's just a little piece of fabric.

I go, well, that's off.

You're not wearing that to school because now you look like a prostitute.

Right.

And she did not like that because normally I keep my mouth shut.

Can't shame her.

100%.

That was the softest word that came to mind.

So then I quickly realized I needed backup.

Okay.

So I'm like, Faith, call up my wife.

Hey, Faith, this isn't good, right?

She can't wear that.

Faith goes, absolutely not.

You're going to get dress coded.

You can't wear a garter to school.

She didn't like any of this.

So again, I tell her, that's it.

It's got to go off.

And she yelled at me.

You worry about what you're wearing and I'll worry about what I'm wearing.

And I was like, wow.

See, so see, my girls don't, they won't yell at me, but boy, they don't have a problem yelling at my wife, though.

Right.

When they're mad about something.

But they don't do it to me, but not even because they're like, I don't know why.

I don't know why they don't, because there's like, I'm just, I guess because I don't know why.

There's just something that they're just like, well.

Well, you're not the one giving them shit, right?

Maybe that's why.

Yeah, that could be it.

You're a nice guy.

You're a good cop.

Not even a good cop.

I'm just kind of like.

Neutral cop.

I'm just kind of like,

I walk the dogs.

I'm not even around to even hear it.

Because I just don't want to, I don't know why.

I know that's like avoiding the issue, but.

Fucking problem is, the problem is fucking Mike Brady, all right?

We all grew up with this idea that Mike Brady actually exists, that there's some fucking father out there that has all the answers and is going to guide you.

And, you know, it's just not true.

You can't win.

You're trying to raise these little people and you're trying to like not make them do the same things that you did.

And I don't want the same stuff for you.

I want you to have an easier life and a better life.

And don't make the same mistakes I made.

And at the end of the day, it kind of doesn't matter.

They have so many other influences.

Hopefully, a little

smidge of your voice gets in.

That at the moment of decision, when someone's passing a needle over to them, they're like, Well, my dad said drugs are no good.

And a couple of his friends died from doing heroin.

Maybe I shouldn't shoot up.

It's the best you could hope for.

Wow.

That seems a lot more severe than a garter.

The garter's the gateway drug.

Like the garter, though, like the garter you probably could have let go because once you got to school, they'll be like, you can't wear that.

Exactly.

I don't know the rules.

And then you don't look like a bad guy.

Right.

Yeah, I don't know.

I can't figure out the rules of school either, like the dress codes.

Like,

they sent home a letter last year when Sage

was in eighth grade that if you're going to wear like a dress that shows your shoulders, you have to wear a sweater over it.

And then I'm passing the school yesterday, where, you know, all the teachers are there getting their classrooms ready.

Everybody's wearing dresses with fucking

shoulders all over the place as far as the eye can see.

So I'm like, well, what is it then?

Like, are you supposed to shame people for like, why can't a girl show their shoulders?

I thought it was like,

I thought the whole thing was like,

a girl shouldn't be

responsible for the reaction of a boy seeing her shoulders.

Yeah.

She should be, I mean, whatever, you know,

I don't recall in school.

Like, we went to school in the fucking 70s, mostly in the 80s, though,

high school and shit.

And it was the worst clothing.

It was like fucking popped collars and fucking big sweaters.

There was no like, hey, you're disobeying the dress code.

There was only

half naked.

Yeah.

It was people who were adopting the Madonna look.

Yeah.

was the as bad as it got.

You know what I mean?

Kind of where you're wearing underwear on the outside and lace stuff.

That was maybe as risque as it got.

Yeah, I found our school was like a lot of preppy shit, right?

Like, like most of the girls were like preppies.

Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't recall any like scandalous underwear on the outside or anything like that.

I don't know if we were that fashionable yet.

No.

Madonna had hit, though, by that point, though, so we should have seen that if that was a, if that was a fan.

I guess we didn't have any girls that were, like, wanted to really, like, go outside the box.

Yeah.

We had some cool, like, goth chicks, right?

Like, like, girls who were really into the cure and stuff and the Smiths.

Yeah, that was a could have that.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was a cool look.

The Goth look is a good look.

Yeah.

But how long can you pull off the goth look before you're like, you got to stop?

How old is too old for the goth look?

Is there a cutoff?

I think I would say after 25, you're done.

Okay.

Yeah, you got to.

That's generous.

You got to retire the goth look.

I think so.

You put away the black lipstick.

That's the way I feel about Chuck Taylors.

Like, the Chucks,

I feel like at a certain age, you shouldn't wear them anymore.

I don't know why.

yeah but i think strange fucking gold to die

i know it is but but like once once i see when i see women wearing them in there is just like

who said what

somebody actually actually cares enough about our product that to comment on it to comment on it that there's a there's a cutoff

what is it about that look for you i i feel like it's it's older women trying to be young okay and uh forget it if you're a guy wearing them in your 50s yeah you might as well be wearing Crocs in my estimation.

Why?

I don't know.

I don't know what it is.

It just seems like a younger person's

stylish sneakers from the fucking 50s.

Yeah.

But like,

if you're wearing the same shoes as a 10-year-old, like, to me, that's weird.

Yeah.

What would you have them trade those Chuck Taylors in for?

Wingtips?

Some loafers.

A nice pair of loafers.

Some nice penny loafers.

I feel that way about, and I don't want to offend anybody, I feel that way about skinny jeans.

Like, I don't want to see.

We're going to have to cut that.

Really?

Oh, is that a big, is it, is it?

I would think 90% of our listener base is wearing skinny jeans right now.

They're so hip.

I love it.

Patreon just dropped off.

Let's move on.

No, I'm only kidding.

I don't think most of our audience can fit in skinny jeans.

And this is me saying

that.

Listen, in my industry, in the entertainment industry,

you have

all these dudes who are trying to maintain a youthful appearance.

I know a lot of guys my age that dye their beards, they dye their hair.

What's wrong with dyeing their hair?

No, nothing.

I'm just saying.

I was getting to the skinny jeans.

You know, when they're

wearing the skinny jeans, skinny pants.

I don't like that look.

But why do you think it gives off an aura of youthfulness, the skinny jeans?

It's an interesting question.

Is it like just because you can see the outline of their legs and makes them look more youthful?

That's an interesting question.

Why am I so offended by the skinny jean in it?

And it's just men.

Just men.

Right.

Because you're not worried about if the jeans are too tight on the women, right?

That doesn't bug you.

No, it's a good look.

I don't know.

I just feel like if you're 45

and you wear it, and your jeans are really tight and they're hugging your ankles.

I don't know.

It's kind of a Peter Pannish look.

I don't know.

I don't like that.

You know what?

It's skinny jeans and like those, like when a dude's wearing like Capri pants.

Oh, forget it.

Yeah.

yeah i could deal with the skinny jeans but yeah if you got capri pants on like i can't take you seriously no it's just it's just like all i'll see is your fucking your shins i can't even look up and see you what i'm talking to because i'm just like holy fuck how do you leave the house wearing capri pants as a dude yeah no i there are certain things i can't explain it why uh it would be so you know, such an egregious thing to put on, but I can't explain it.

I've never been asked why before.

I've always just been anti-skinny jeans on anyone over 30.

I mean, I may have to rethink the whole thing.

Maybe it's okay.

Yeah.

Here's the thing: it's all okay,

but you're still allowed to have your personal opinions about it.

Be like, I don't like it.

Yeah.

It's okay.

It's not for me.

Okay.

Yeah, it's better.

It's not for me.

Yeah.

And I'll tell you exactly why.

I have very skinny legs.

Oh, so you think your skinny legs aren't

look as good hugged in

denim as

other guys.

Yeah.

But then, like, if you had more muscular legs, would you want them hugged?

No, I would never want them hugged.

I don't want my denim hugging me.

I like a loose-fitting pant.

But that, you know, maybe it is personal.

I have to look a little more inward before I start.

You know what?

I've learned a lot here on this podcast.

I've learned a lot about myself and my judgments.

And I'm going to rethink it.

You know what?

That's the other thing.

I've tried to become less judgmental.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to apologize right now to the skinny jean community.

Anyone over 40 in skinny jeans,

i embrace you do you yeah you do you take your daughter's advice like you worry about what you're wearing i'll worry about what i'm wearing that's what she said she was so fucking joe peshy in my face

so my wife witness you you wear what you worry about what you're wearing and i'll worry about what i'm wearing and then she fucking storms off my wife looks at me she goes well she got your temper

clearly

i've crossed the line where I can't even wear jeans any longer.

Now I'm wearing the Adidas track pants.

That's all gangster.

well I mean that's all I wore for the last 20 years so I was wearing jeans the other day for a special occasion

and I came out of the bedroom wearing the jeans and everybody's laughing at me because I haven't been wearing jeans in 20 years so they're just like you don't look right in jeans

hey hey I put my dungarees on

tough skins

yeah they're like you just can't pull off jeans anymore it's you've gone too long without wearing them now you can't wear jeans and I'm like good, I'll take them off.

I don't want to wear them.

It feels like I'm wearing a denim fucking straitjacket.

Yeah,

man.

Like, what if I got to move like lightning quick for some reason?

I can't do it in jeans.

Weren't you just going out to dinner at a chain restaurant?

You know, we're going to bob and weave.

In the 80s, Chuck Norris came out with a line of stretch denim specifically made for high kicks.

Yeah, I remember that

print ad where he was like, his leg was up in the air and shit.

Yeah.

How come that didn't catch on?

I don't know.

It's

a little ridiculous.

But now they're called Jeggings.

Yeah.

So he was onto something.

He went to the wrong demographic.

Yeah.

It should have been women.

Yeah.

So growing up, like in high school,

did your jeans have to be a certain

baggy quota before you'd be like, okay, these are acceptable?

No, no, George Ash, right?

No, George Ash, but they were probably, they were probably tighter in high school than they are now.

Like now I like them looser.

But I always wore Levi's jeans.

Like, my kids laugh at me.

It's like, my style hasn't changed.

They'll see pictures of me when I'm 10, and I'm in either jeans and a t-shirt or jeans and a flannel shirt or a t-shirt with a flannel shirt over it or a sweatshirt.

It's the die of our age.

It's Levi Strauss or Die.

Yeah, it's Levi's.

That's it.

I've been wearing the same fucking Levi's

forever.

Any other pair of jeans or brand of jeans is like, those are funny jeans for

a funny man

i didn't want to say it yeah perfectly i think that was eloquently

right

like in our fucking fever diseased brain yeah like those are those are manly jeans those are not uh if i have to wear jeans it's i'll take those but everyone's still gonna laugh at me but at least you know we buy strauss yeah that's it that's it you go zipper or button flap

what do you think i think you go zipper absolutely There's fucking no way that I'm done.

My fucking

my little skinny fucking fingers should ever be seen fucking

buttoning or unbuttoning a fly.

It's so like time-consuming in the bedroom when you're like you're stripping down for debt.

You're like, hold on, let me pop off these eight buttons first.

Oh man, my arthritis is kicking in.

What do you think I go?

I would go all in.

I would go all in on zipper, but I'm probably going to be wrong.

I just feel like you're so, such a traditionalist that

buttons are almost like new coke.

I go buttons.

Oh!

But let me say, and maybe we have to look this up.

I feel like buttons may be the original.

When was the zipper invented?

Oh, buttons came into fad in the 90s.

I feel like cowboys might have had buttons.

They might have because the zipper wasn't invented yet.

Yeah.

But, wow, I'm shocked by that.

Yeah.

I'm all buttons.

But it's not as bad as you think.

After a while,

it's not as bad as you think.

I'm going to tell you.

He's going to try to sway you.

After a while, after a while, you just grab the top and you rip them open.

You don't have to unbutton them one by one.

So you can get it out there fast.

Right.

And do whatever you want to do with it.

With a bathroom, though, doesn't it take a little bit longer?

It takes a little longer to bolt it.

You don't want to be like in a public restroom.

You don't want to be in there any longer than you need to be, right?

That's true.

You got to hold your breath a little longer.

Yeah, that's why with the track pants, man, it's like,

no, no, you've solved it.

I mean, with the track pants.

I'm in and out, like before anybody even knows I'm there.

I'm a ghost in the fucking public office.

What was that?

I wanted to ask you guys, did you hear about this news story, you know?

This is so wild.

Did you hear about the monkeys

and suing to get their files that the FBI kept on them?

Oh, yes, I did read about that.

Yeah.

The monkeys, the band.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does that blow your mind?

That there was people being paid to monitor the monkeys and

compile files on them for what reason?

The FBI in the 50s was out of control.

They're not like today.

Oh,

exactly.

But like, can you imagine?

Like, you get the assignment and you're like, okay, you're going to be covering the monkeys.

I would love that assignment.

You got Hendrix, you got the Beatles, and you got Elsa.

Yeah, it's like, do you think that they're still doing this to this day?

Are there current artists that are being monitored and they're being,

you know, there's a dossier on?

Joe Rogan.

Think so?

Yeah.

Wow.

Why?

Because he talked enough about the Iver merch.

He's got a lot of power.

What about TSD?

Definitely.

Good answer.

What do they talk about this week?

Dossier's walk the ass.

Even Giddam's got his own file.

Oh, I believe that.

That's what the local police don't do.

But don't you just find that a complete and utter waste of time and resources?

Yes.

I do.

But it's not shocking.

Like, government wasting time and resources.

But what could you have garnered?

Like, what would justify the manpower and the hours?

And why is it still redacted?

Yeah, why is it still redacted?

I mean, I would imagine it was part of the Red Scare, right?

I would imagine they had the minds and hearts of

people, and they were afraid that last train to Clarksville could turn some kids into commies.

Well, they said it was about their anti-war stance, which every fucking person, I would think, back in the 60s,

every young person had.

Yeah.

Was there one band that was pro-war in the 60s that was like, you know, bomb had noise.

I mean, we pretty much all fucking get out of Vietnam, right?

That's why I'm like, what could,

like, what could they have gotten that would have made like, wow, I'm so glad that we kept the dossier on this band because we wouldn't have found out this.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's pretty simple.

They're traveling all over infecting young people with crazy ideas, and the FBI needs to stay on top of them.

To make sure the country doesn't turn red.

And you still think that this practice is being done?

There's artists like, I know you said Joe Rogan, but what about musical artists like

rappers?

Yeah.

They have the most influence, I would think, right now, right?

Well, there was, what was that, that movement that was going on to get to,

and here's where I'll be pretty ignorant about it, but there's something happening with a law

where you can use the lyrics of a rapper against him or her

in a court case.

So if a rapper puts out a song with lyrics that the authorities feel are inciting or have incited a crime or or like led the way for a crime to happen, they could use those lyrics against the artist.

Now, this is an idiot's version of what's actually happening,

but there is something happening.

Well,

there's been plenty of cases

of such a thing, you know, throughout musical history, you know, Ozzy with Suicide Solution.

Yeah.

Priest, you know, with some of their lyrics, and it never works out for the prosecution.

Right.

So it's like, yeah, so it's like your rappers who had beef and they talked about it.

Yeah, I can't imagine that you could hold a rapper

liable for what somebody else does because of their lyrics.

He sings a song and somebody does something.

That's so unamerican.

That would be the same as

writing a book and somebody takes an idea from it.

Yeah.

And again, it's going to have to be Googled to find out what the fuck I'm actually talking about, but there's something in there.

Wow.

Yeah.

I would not, I would, but what about Puff Daddy?

You think he's got a dossier?

Because He's one of those guys that's really outspoken, right?

Is he anymore?

I don't think so.

Not so much anymore.

More like Jay-Z

would probably be more politically

more influential.

Yeah.

Or socially more influential.

For sure.

If you were the last remaining member of the Monkeys, like

I think it's Mickey Dolans.

It is, yeah.

Why do you think you waited so long?

Why now?

To

sue the government to get those files.

This is his last act.

That's what we just found out.

Okay.

Yeah, I was just wondering,

what is it that now prompts him after all this time to try to get the files on Redacted so he could read what happened?

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I would definitely be curious.

Well, so that you'd probably, like, would you, if it's unredacted, would you see the moles that gave up information on you?

Oh, like roadies and shit?

Like, the guys that they put in there, like the undercover agents to infiltrate and get close to the band to get this information.

Would you be able, you would get all that information, right?

I don't know.

Why does the world think I have so much knowledge about how the government works?

They really put me on the spot here.

No, I don't know.

But I would say that

either he, Dolan's, it is Dolan's, right?

Yeah.

He's planning on putting out a book.

I think sometimes when there's questions about like, what's the motivation for this or what's the motivation for that?

The answer is like nine times out of ten, money.

Yeah, I I agree with that.

So it's like, does he want to get his name out in the news again?

Because now he's going to release like the authorized monkeys biography or he's going to put out a greatest hits record, you know?

And then you can get on the news circuit and get booked on all the news shows and do the tour and promote your book or your album because of this news story.

It's fresh in the news.

I think so.

Pretty good.

Let's go with that theory.

Yeah.

I'm all for it.

Yeah, I think the answer is always money.

It's funny because I worked at MTV a bunch in the 90s, and people invariably, to this day, and it's really fucking annoying, people are like, oh, what'd you do?

Oh, I started MTV.

And they always ask the same question.

Well, why did MTV stop playing music?

How annoying is it for me to get that question?

What's your pad answer?

My pad answer is money.

It's always money because they put on the real world and they saw that they could get a viewer to watch in, you know, for an hour and then watch something else for an hour, right?

So if you're just playing music videos, like you're going to watch the three-minute Billy Squire video, but then if the eurhythmics comes on and you don't want to watch that, you're changing the channel.

So now you're getting viewers for like three minutes at a clip, and as soon as something's on they don't like, they're changing the channel.

But if you hook them into an hour-long reality show, you've got that viewer for an hour.

Somewhere Billy Squire's like, someone mentioned me?

Oh, yeah.

What was his video?

No, but what was his video that killed his career?

Oh, where he was like, he was prancing around and laying on the floor.

Writhing on the floor.

Yeah, what was that video called?

I don't know.

Oh, man, I don't remember.

Rock Me Tonight?

Maybe.

Yeah.

Because it really did kill his career.

Yeah.

Like, he never recovered from that music video.

He's a guy, one of those guys that's forgotten the time.

Yeah, because he was a fucking rocker, man.

Like, he was good.

He had a Les Paul.

He was wearing denim shirts.

You know, he was great.

Levi's,

of course.

Here's a picture of him looking not very happy in his later years.

Oh, my God.

Is that him now?

Yeah.

Got another ad.

I do.

I do.

I saw you Jones and over there.

Yeah, I know.

I can't wait to talk about Raycon.

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all day long.

It's basically we get there at like 8, 8.30 in the morning, and we stay until like 7 or 8 at night.

She doesn't want to hear 12 hours of the same shit.

So I pop in my raycons and I'm left alone.

That's a courteous and thoughtful husband right there.

Yeah, I'm a good guy.

Yeah.

You sound amazing.

I mean, it is a problem with them falling out of your ears.

Yeah.

They really crack the code on this, these raycons.

They stay in.

Sometimes I wear them at night, like, because I have that.

I've heard it pronounced both ways, tinnitus and tinnitus.

Tinitis.

Anyway, tinnitus.

Yeah, that earring.

And if I put in earbuds, then I don't hear it.

I'll put on some like white noise.

Are they sending you guys free samples of these things?

Because they sound like something I should really have.

I might have a pair for you.

I'll take a look.

Well, I don't want to take the, you know, rip them out of your ears or anything.

You got them falling out of his ass.

Oh, really?

Can I get another one right?

Well, I mean, they will fall out of assholes, but not earlobes.

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And that is it for the spots.

Okay.

Is it Everybody Wants You?

Was that the one that no, I think it was Rock Meeter Night.

I think it was Rock Meet the Night where he just strutting around like kind of

a little bit too erotically for his mascot and

dominated audience.

He might as well have been in skinny jeans.

I think Ray would be in skinny jeans and like a flash dance shirt.

I think he had mascara on too.

And this is an era before, like, where people, you know,

were

like, you know.

It wasn't as much gender bending.

Yeah, yeah.

although bowie was before him though so i don't know why

i don't know why his audience would have like rejected that though no because he came out there like a real like you know

it was a startling change because he was like a hard rocker you said and then

this this was not as hard of a rocking this was a classic example of some you know uh

music video director coming in and convincing you know billy squire who'd carved himself out a little uh career before mtv was like like, oh, now it's video, and it's all about your image, and you got to put out an image.

And he never really hit big, though.

He was a kind of like, he was like the A-list.

He was in the middle between B and C, I think, just ready to hit B, but pretty far away, unless he had a major, major video hit on MTV, which he didn't get, unfortunately, because of this video.

Right, but he had a major album with The Stroke, right?

The Stroke, the song.

I forget what the name of the album was, but The Stroke was huge.

And

fuck Lonely is the Night.

That's a great, that's my favorite Billy Squire song.

Lonely is the Night.

Yeah, that's good.

Do you know that my first concert, as you well know, 77 Kiss at the Garden, a band called Piper opened for Kiss?

Lead singer, Billy Squire.

Were you a Piper fan?

No.

No.

But you became one that night, right?

No, I was just like, Kiss, Kiss, Kiss.

Who are these fucking guys on the stage with no makeup on?

Fuck Piper.

Gene!

Never heard of Piper.

So I found those

banter topics that

I never presented to you.

You want to hear it?

Oh my God, this is like Capone's vault with actual gold inside of it.

Like I said, I don't know.

You want to hear some of these?

Definitely.

Kind of maybe

try to take a guess of how they would have went if we had tried them.

Yeah, yeah.

These are the ones that got you.

You filling in as the role as

a comic book man.

Oh, okay.

All right.

I'm ready.

Okay.

Let's say you could turn into a being more powerful than Superman by uttering a magic word for 12 hours at a time.

So you say this magic word, you become a being more powerful than Superman.

Much like Shazam, Captain Marvel.

Right.

But, here's a big but.

Okay.

Every time you turned into this being, you lost vast amounts of testosterone.

So by the third transformation, you reverted back to, when you reverted back to your human body, you would be 100% female.

Would you continue to utter your magic word?

Yes.

Really?

What?

Get bullshit.

No way.

How come?

Because you're a man of, you've lived it so many years as a man.

Now you don't, like, you've already had that.

So now you're like, I want to, you know, and plus, you're going to be, you're going to have the ability to turn back into a man when you turn into this superman-like creature.

So you had the best of both worlds.

I mean, is being a man so great?

What's so great about that?

Yeah, really.

We're reviled.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, especially now.

I know, but think about that.

I mean, what about your family, though?

Like, you got to think, there's other people to consider, though.

Yeah,

this decision to

keep saying this magic word and then.

Suddenly your wife's a lesbian.

It's like, Daisy and Eli have two mommies.

Right?

Yeah, but I mean, I get, I get, I'm more powerful than Superman.

Yeah.

And like, think of all the good you can do, all the rights you could wrong,

all the, like, atrocities you could stop, but you're so selfish that you're like, no, I can't, I cannot be a man any longer.

No, I'm telling you, I'm not that selfish.

I'm selfless, and I'm going to become this more powerful than Superman, superhero, and give up my cock and balls.

Easy, easy decision.

For 36 hours of being more powerful than Superman, you're ready to fucking be a woman for the rest of your life.

Maybe I misunderstood the banter.

How long am I the superhero?

12 hours.

12 hours at a clip.

So you say the word, let's say the word is Nabisco.

Great, Nabisco.

And then you turn into this super

man-like God.

Better than Superman.

Better than Superman.

Yeah.

You have no,

you're invulnerable.

There is no kryptonite.

There's nothing that can stop you.

You can do whatever you want to help the world however you see fit.

Love this.

But in 12 hours, you revert back to Brian Nischell.

Right.

Second time, you revert back.

You accept a third of the man, right?

Because you lost your distinction.

Something's not feeling right.

You go back.

You're like, whoa, something's not right.

I like that.

I would need a pair of skinny jeans.

But anyway, so then the second time you do it, then you come back as Brian Nichelle, and

there's no doubt about it.

You need a bra.

Yeah, yeah.

A little training bra.

You need a training bra.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm like, does anybody want to watch the Joint Luck Club?

And then by the third time, yeah, it's like fried green tomatoes.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

I know, fuck.

But then, now I'm a woman.

Brian Nichelle is now a woman.

Yes.

But for the rest of my life,

every 12 hours, hours, I could be the superhero.

Yeah.

That's the deal I'm taking.

I like that deal.

Oh, it continues.

The ability to take it.

You say the magic word and revert back to that for 12 hours.

That's my life.

Definitely.

I'm taking that deal.

But now guys are going to be hopping on top of you because you still have your same brain, right?

Like you still have your same mindset.

Yeah.

And not at first, though, because he's still going to have the same haircut.

Right.

Okay.

So he's just going to have all the gear.

Yeah.

But he's not going to be able to grow out the locks or anything.

He's going to be a hideous-looking woman.

Yeah.

It would be fun.

I don't know.

What do you think?

See, to me, I thought, I know when I thought this up, I was like, this would be gold to like, you know, for a Ming.

A Ming would get destroyed, yeah.

A Ming button here.

All right.

Bri, what do you mean?

What's that?

What do you think?

What do you think that would be?

Also, would you accept that one, though?

Would you have green lit that banter?

Or is that back in 2015, 2016?

I may, I think we'd have to work on it and scale it down.

No, because it was a little, it was a little, even I didn't, I wasn't sure if I even got it.

But that's good.

We would get, well, yeah, we could do a little a bite-sized version of that.

Like, would you, you're right, would you trade, would you do this?

Would you become, would you become the world's most powerful superhero for half the day, but the other half of the day, you have to be a woman?

Yeah, you have to swap genders.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's nice and clean.

You have a butchy haircut.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm all for it.

So you would, so that one would have been on the to-do list.

I would have accepted it.

I like it because I I got it.

This is fun because I got another one here then.

Okay.

Would you rather have a copy of Action Comics number one in near-mint condition

or

have toe curling take you to the edge of the universe orgasms that leave you with the most intense o-face

ever

for the rest of your life?

And then I would go to Ming.

Let me see your O face now.

Oh, God.

Wouldn't it have been awesome?

This is what I mean.

I'll be sitting on gold.

Bars of gold.

How cringy would it have been for America?

Not America.

Well, for like 10% of America or less, 5% of America?

If I was to be like, hey, show us

through your own face.

It would have been great.

You know, his eyes are rolling up in his head.

I think it would be similar to his Chewbacca impression.

That's why I wanted him to go into that.

I would greenlight that thing.

You green light that one too?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What would you do?

Action Comics, number one, near mint?

Or toe curling, take you to the edge of the universe?

Yeah, what would I do personally?

Yeah.

I'd take those orgasms.

Over a million dollars.

Yeah.

Guaranteed, probably two million at this point.

So you're dissatisfied with your current state of...

No, but the way Walt described those orgasms.

Yeah, life-changing.

How do I pass that up?

I mean, because life is stressful.

And I have very few stress relievers in my life.

I don't drink anymore.

It's like, you know what I mean?

I'm living like a monk here.

But if I could squirrel away a good five five minutes, ten minutes, and get those life-changing orgasms, yeah, I'm telling you, no matter what, I'm a new man, no matter what, it's like it's like even the most like mundane is going to give you like, yeah, like you know, where you're going to have that, oh, face is going to be on for hours, like you can't wipe it off your face.

Oh, so he's like in public?

Yeah, right

now,

I mean, because money can't buy happiness with those orgasms.

You know, now I'm walking around, I'm happy.

You only go around once.

You come into the office, and they're like, oh,

boss, I guess I know what you were doing before.

It got to work today.

His pockets are empty,

as are his balls.

His eyebrows are up, his hairline.

I'm sweating all the time.

Oh, yeah, okay.

That's a good one, too, right?

It's amazing.

Could you imagine, like, if I like, and I prompted those guys to be like, but let me see your old face now.

I can't believe you kept these from me.

I forgot about them.

I just, like I said, I plugged in my iPad, like, it was like the rich iPad.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

That's like 1.0, man.

And I plugged it in, and it actually got power.

And I looked through the notes, and I was like, holy shit.

All right.

Would you rather have the ability to control animals or control machines?

Ooh,

this requires a little thought.

Machines or animals.

Control animals or control machines.

Machines, you could sabotage a lot of people.

Like, you could become like an evil supervillain and be like, hey, let's go back to Nabisco.

Hey, Nabisco.

I'll fucking fuck your factory up.

Yeah, look, I think animals are doing okay without me.

I'm going to do machines because I could just walk up to an ATM, right?

And be like, spit out all the money, machine.

Yeah, you, yeah.

And I would think, though, that, like, once you control the animals, you have this rapport with them.

You know, how fucking gross is that that you're controlling them to do shit for you?

Yeah.

But machines, there's no guilt in that.

What am I going to do with these animals?

Hey, bear, come here.

I'm going to attack this guy for me.

Well, you could be the world's greatest entertainer as you have, you know, you and your bear doing amazing things.

That's true.

Yeah, you could get like a residency in Vegas.

Yeah, I'm going to go machines.

You and those two do to train tigers.

They said that you join their troop.

Roy, yeah.

Siegfried Roy and Michelle.

Yeah, yeah.

You're not painting a very good picture of this animal business.

Yeah, I'm taking machines all the way.

You borrow your daughter's white boots.

Yeah, no.

Okay, machines.

Yeah, machines.

I think so.

Yeah, I think so.

It's a good question, though, Walt, again.

Right?

Fucking gold.

Season nine or or season eight?

Eight.

Eight.

Man, we would have had a lot of banners here.

Okay.

This one's amazing, too.

This was all about just to get to one area.

I remember it now.

You find out through a series of innocent mistakes, like a maid walking in into your room

while you're

getting dressed or forgetting to lock the door of a bathroom stall,

that when someone comes in and finds you in a state of

undressed.

Okay.

The emotion of shock, when you're in the presence of it, you garner superpowers.

Okay.

But you have to be in the presence, you have to shock somebody

with your nudity.

Hanging outside preschools.

The local park.

I'm going to pass on this one, Walter.

This is the most bizarre banter ever proffered.

That's what I was saying.

That's the the one I was just like, I just can't find a way for this to not sound clumsy in the delivery.

But basically, I was just like trying to get Ming to say you'd be a flasher then.

To become your superhero, you have to walk around in a trench coat, open it, you know, and make someone gasp.

Right.

And then you could become, and you have superpowers.

Yeah.

That's really, I was just trying to get there.

Right.

I was trying to drive the car to like Ming.

So, yeah, I would fucking get in a trench coat and walk around nude.

It's very creative.

I'm having trouble even grasping that one.

Okay.

I like how they're all aimed just to get Bing to do something or say something.

Bread and butter.

You ever heard of the superhero Firestorm?

Yes.

He's got the flaming hair.

It almost looks like he's got a Cuban shirt on like Ricky Ricardo.

Yeah, different from the human torch.

Right.

Only his hair is on fire.

Right.

The other guy.

All right, I'm picturing that guy.

Firestorm is a unique superhero who's made up of two beings, a 19-year-old Ronnie Raymond and his 60-year-old college professor.

When they become Firestorm, they are both conscious in Firestorm's body.

So I would ask the guys, if you were to become Firestorm, a Firestorm-like hero, what older gentleman would you like to share a body with?

It's interesting.

Like older than us?

Yeah, at the time, we'd have been in our 40s, I think, when this would have been posed to them.

So what, like, 60 to an older man would you like to co-inhabit a body with?

Yeah, living is this man living?

Yeah, a living.

Basically, what I was trying to do is I was going to browbeat Ming to be like, Well, why wouldn't you choose me?

I'm older than you.

But like, that's what I was trying to get to, like, where, like, he didn't choose me, and I was be like, well, why not?

Why wouldn't you want me?

I'd be more helpful to you than some other fucking dude.

So, this is a really good glimpse into the mind of Walt Flanagan.

This is how Walt, or Walt/slash, fake Walt, was always you know, just killing it on comic book men because he would lay traps like this.

You know what I mean?

So it seems like a real question to Ming thinks he knows what Walt's intention is, but the whole time, Walt is planting a trap and Ming yelling at him.

And I figure, like, I'm putting a ball in a tee for Bry.

Yeah.

Like, just going to get, I'm going to lead that horse to water.

And Bry is then going to like, you know, pop out of that.

What's a water-filled, like, what's that thing that horses drink out of?

Trough.

The trough.

Yeah, there's no water in that trough.

Only Brian Johnson's there to hammer them.

Spring out.

Yeah, spring out and call them gay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I thought you'd say that thing.

There's no water in this trout.

You, sir, are a homosexual.

You know, I mean, this is, I mean, it's amazing that people are actually getting this glimpse inside of how it happened because people think it's so easy.

And, oh, it just, you know, it just happens.

But thought went into it.

Oh, yeah,

laying those little seeds and traps.

Is it too outlandish to think that you know, some shows have come back decades after they were canceled?

Full house, yeah, fuller house, fuller house.

Um, there's probably other ones.

Um,

could come bookman at one point, could you would you ever say never

to that?

Like, you know, some fledgling streaming or wherever is like, yeah, we'll order 10 episodes of a Comb Bookman Revisited or whatever.

I don't think it's that outlandish.

No.

No.

I got some banners for us.

So if you ask me, you're ready, man.

Part of your pitch.

Shield in that list.

Okay, so you're in a bathroom stall, right?

With wearing a trench coat,

but you're going to get a superpower if you surprise someone by flashing your cock and balls to them.

Like, wait, what?

Yeah.

That's pretty great.

Yeah, I don't know.

Like, I said it one time a while ago.

I was like, I feel like comic book men, like, there was this little

wedge, this little pocket of time in which we could exist.

And then, like, right now.

We kill, still could.

You just have to, like, scale it back a little bit, maybe a little less.

A little less Mike and Ming.

Smooth out those edges.

Yeah.

Smooth out those edges.

A little less who?

Mike and Ming?

Well, a little less joking around about Mike and Ming.

Like, I don't think we could call him a little bit of intimate.

If you want a little less of one of those two guys, then you should check out Tales Behind the Fate Counter.

A lot less, even.

Half, actually.

Did I give too much away there?

No, no.

Tune in, Patriots.

Check it out.

Yeah,

it's just like,

I think we're good enough where we could scale.

We don't need to rely solely on

calling those two guys

queens.

It's okay.

We'll find something else.

We'll find another way.

We'll just do comic book humor.

Yeah, no, I mean, I guess for the right kind of streaming service, and listen, it could even be some genius who comes up with, you know, all right, this is,

I've got a whole network aimed at people who are into, you know, comics and geek culture, and we want you guys to

anchor it, yeah.

We need some, we want to kick it off with some cred, you know, and you guys bring you guys back with a trial, just 10 episodes or 8 episodes, 6 episodes.

Yeah, it could totally happen.

Never seen that.

I feel like it could step right back into it, too.

Like, it would be like we didn't miss a beat.

I mean, we don't.

Do we have a stash anymore?

Yeah, it's a 65 Broad Street.

No, I mean, could we use that stash?

To make it

to revisit Combo Man?

I don't think it would take that much of

a

wrangling or like a big pitch meeting.

I think it would be like, absolutely, please.

Get the band back together, yeah.

I would be shocked if anybody

that 65 broad seat was like, you know what?

We're doing pretty good without complex.

Who needs that extra money?

Yeah, I have to think that, although I don't know,

but if I had to lay odds, you know, but I was wrong about the fucking buttonflies.

Yeah.

So who knows now?

I'm an enigma, Walter.

You are.

I mean, I think we have to look it up.

I wonder if the original dungarees were buttonflies or zippers.

Well, let's end it on that.

It's a question for the ages.

That's something to ponder for everybody.

I was going to look it up, but yeah, look it up yourselves.

I'm going to do all your work for you.

That's a word that really fell out of favor, huh?

Dungarees?

Dungarees.

Really did.

It turned into jeans.

I think it was the Jordash shit and the Sassoon shit.

Like, girls didn't want to wear dungarees.

Yeah.

But I mean, that's what your mothers would say, right?

Dungarees.

Right, you need a new pair of dungarees.

Yeah, I think it just was synonymous with, like, your daddy's pants.

Yeah, these ain't your daddy's pants.

Yeah.

Brooke's Shields.

11-year-old Brooke Shields and those ads.

However old she was.

Yeah.

Oof.

They do the same shit these days.

It was, I think, two years ago, what magazine was it?

Was it Vanity Fair or Esquire, one of these?

They voted that Millie Bobby Brown, who was like...

Stranger Things?

Yeah, who was like 14 or 15 at the time, voted her like sexiest woman of the year.

It was like, what the fuck?

So it's like, people are like, kids are still sexualized on TV.

Did you ever see it?

Media and stuff, yeah.

Yeah, I've seen it at my house because my wife and son are obsessed with my son's fucking obsessed with it.

I love it.

Yeah, I never

really watch it.

You grew up in the 80s, man.

This is right in your wheelhouse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've seen it.

I've seen what it looks like.

I've seen some scenes.

It's pretty impressive, the budget that they've given this show.

Yeah, it's really well done.

And the music?

Oh, my God, it's crazy.

Yeah, that's, I mean, that's a massive budget.

That's like the whole season of Comic Book Man in one episode.

That's our pitch, Mean, our elevator pitch.

We're cheaper than Stranger Things.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Yeah.