#522: The Sin of Happiness

Why the fuck did I open my fucking mouth and say anything to the universe about being happy?

My religion takes sage very seriously, and I don't like that teach motherfucker.

If that joke could offend this one or that one, did you know the Indigenous people of Canada would be offended by that fucking joke?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with Waltz.

Yes.

I'm here with the BQ.

I fucked up.

You fucked up?

Yeah, I know.

I fucking took last week.

I said I was happy.

And motherfucker, why the fuck did I open my fucking mouth and say anything to the universe about being happy?

You jinxed yourself.

Oh, God, dude.

This has been fucking one thing after another.

And then, like, a crushing, like, chemical depression layered on top of it.

I'm like, I'm like a mockery of what I was not two weeks ago.

Really?

Yeah.

I couldn't fucking, the whole time, like, I'm sitting there thinking, like, I can't even, you know, when you get so fucking weary and tired and bummed that you can't even fucking think?

Yeah.

That's what I've been with almost since I fucking walked out of the studio.

Elaborate?

Or no?

It's just all work related or no?

It's not all work related.

It's like I said, it's just like this, this fucking

chemical depression came laying on me where it was like like you just wake up and you don't feel good for no reason.

And then work's been such a fucking bear lately.

It's been fucking nuts.

Thank God for the fourth barbecue.

That was like my one day of like.

You seemed pretty happy that day.

I was pretty happy because it was like, it's hard to be like that when you're surrounded by your friends and everybody's like drinking and smoking weed and shit like that.

You know, everybody's having a good time.

Giddam was there.

Yeah,

went swimming.

Really?

Yeah, he was in the

were in the pool.

Sal doesn't leave the pool.

He's there for hours.

But yeah, get him and Sal, like, held down the pool.

But man, have I been fucking waiting to get back here and just tell everybody that I'm miserable?

So the universe just fucking lets up for two fucking seconds, man.

And some of those people who feel like you have it too good, they go, Good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So now here's a little come up.

It's for BQ.

Getter little fucking pricks in the audience.

This is for you.

This one's for you.

I'm fucking unhappy.

I hope you're fucking happy, you fucking pricks.

Fuck you.

I was.

I fucked up.

You fucked it up.

Yeah,

you never

tempt the gods, right?

You just keep your head down, and if things are going good, you don't even

keep it down because inevitably it's going to end.

Wasn't pride?

Was this the sin of pride?

Not at all.

I thought I was celebrating.

I'm not boasting.

I would not call it a sin to it

to say that you're thinking, hey, you know what?

I'm not sad and miserable.

I don't know.

That's a sin.

Oh my God, that's horrible.

But like, so you're saying it, what, you just woke up one day

and you're not happy anymore.

It's a feeling that I used to get a lot, mainly in my 20s, where you wake up and like instantly,

you just know you're off.

And it's like you're angry

and upset and you're just looking for something

to justify the feeling you have.

So the littlest thing will be like, I fucking knew it.

You know what I mean?

Like you already feel like shit.

you just need something to take it out on and it just goes and and goes and goes and goes and goes yeah and goes you're right about that like what the second you wake up in the morning you're like today's gonna be a bad day like i just i can feel it yeah it might not even be necessarily anything that's gonna happen it's not like you're so you went to bed feeling okay and you just woke up

yeah that's weird yeah yeah

it's it's you like he's saying like you just you're familiar with it oh yeah you know it sometimes before you even open your eyes you're like, oh, fuck.

And it's had me in its grip.

And you look around to see who you can take it out on.

But you can't do that.

So it's like...

You don't do that?

I don't do it.

I did snap on set the other day.

Actually, Ming Chen.

On what kind of level?

We're talking about Christian Barry level.

No, no, no.

We're talking about Tom Cruise.

No, no, no, no.

I love Mike Cruz.

I would never.

No, nothing like that.

Nothing at all.

Give us a barometer.

Like, who are we talking about?

I'll tell you the exact situation.

No, no, not like, but I'm talking about, is there a celebrity blow-up?

blow-up that oh, no, no, no, nothing like that.

Like, I was just like, fucking like, I was just trying to write this email.

It's because it's just the work never ends.

So, even when you're shooting the TV show, you're getting fucking

you look at this edit for this, and then look at this edit.

And we're doing the shark week thing, and look at the edit for that.

And it's like, I'm trying to write an email, and they keep coming over, and they're like, All right, we're gonna be ready in three.

And I'm like, all right, I just need like five to write this email.

And I swear to God, like, the crew likes me, or at least they do a good job of making us be right.

No, they're not.

Our crew liked us too

i don't talk to any of them anymore

you saw how much of the crew was at my house yeah on like yeah it's like we're tight crew been together a long time and it's like and i so they're like so so there's really zero barrier between me and the crew like they say things to me all the time that like would get them fired on other shows because they can talk to me that way because i'm their friend and i i don't care like wow they say things to you that would get them fired though oh for sure yeah

like Just like if you mess up, they make fun of you.

You know what I mean?

Shit like that.

You know, it's like, it's just, we all have these in jokes.

It's 10 years of like a tight-knit crew.

So it's like, so I'm just like, all right, I just, guys, I just need five minutes to write this email, right?

And it's just like, and then like another 30 seconds go by.

It's like, all right, our camera's rolling.

And I'm like, guys,

I need five minutes.

I got to get this email out.

All right.

And then fucking, sure enough, a minute later, here they come.

Here comes one of the guys.

Come on,

they need your front camera.

And I'm like, God damn it.

I go, can I get fucking five five minutes to finish email but because i never do that it's like everything stops it means something yeah every pin drop a pin drop everybody's like then you're kind of like you know and trying to like smooth things oh like trying feeling bad that you did that or not yeah instantly but i go around yelling like that all the time then no but the problem was so i get up And I'm like, guys, I just need five fucking minutes.

And I go to walk and Ming Chen is on set.

Ming Chen is on IJ set?

Ming Chen was on the IJ set this week.

I thought he was coming here tonight.

I tried to book Ming Chen for our show, but I I couldn't get him.

So he stopped by set and

like he was.

Is he filming something?

No, well, we shot in that building that one of his studios in.

The Bellworks.

Oh, the Bellworks.

Oh, okay.

So, you know, and I tried to get Ming in a bit.

I tried to get Ming in the bit, but he couldn't do it because he was recording something.

I thought when you said I tried to get him in here tonight, I thought you meant until him Steve David.

I did try to get him here tonight.

Oh, he didn't want to come?

He said he's recording too many podcasts.

He can't get it.

So I guess business is good, which is great.

So I'm

out of the room, stop, stop, stop.

Right?

I'm walking by, and Ming comes up, hey, I gotta go.

He's like, I gotta go, and I'm like, Ming, it's good to see you.

I'll see you later.

Like, that type of thing.

I got in the fucking private little area, and I just fucking finished the email.

And then I called Ming and I said, Hey, buddy, I gotta apologize.

I'm sorry for the way that when you were leaving, I kind of was like in a bad mood.

He's like, No, he's like, I don't even know, I don't care, I didn't even notice.

Um, and then I go in and I go, you know, and then I got to pull my fucking crew aside and be like, God, so sorry about that guy.

But they're just, it's just, that's, it's just that

something, I mean, I.

The razor's edge.

I think the last time I snapped at the crew was in season five.

Like, that's how long it's been.

Like, I just don't do it.

It's not, it's not how I operate.

So it's been kind of like, it's just been a week like that.

I just, I haven't been able to work out for three weeks or three, four weeks.

So like my body is starting to get fat.

So now like I feel the fucking

is that the chemicals playing with your head, though, because you look fine.

No, my clothes fit different.

Thank you.

Thank you for that.

I need that.

Thank you.

Like, is it just your head playing with your head?

No, my clothes are like getting tight, and I'm feeling kind of gross and shit like that.

It's always the best way to measure weight gain or loss is how your clothes feel.

I feel anyway.

What is motorcycles?

Holy shit.

Some hogs.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, that

sounds like a plane going by.

It's like they're riding inside the fucking city.

Yeah, so.

Where were we?

I don't know.

My brain is.

You smoothed things over, though.

Oh, it wasn't.

I cared way more than they

probably, you know what I mean?

They're like, oh, shit, he's just in a bad mood today, which is rare for me on set.

But it's that thing, though, where it's like, isn't it weird, though, that

if one of those guys do that,

they can't like.

Oh, one of the crew?

They're done.

Oh, that's not true.

They can't have

a little.

No.

Give me five minutes cute.

Yeah.

There's been that over the years.

Yeah.

All all right.

I don't think it would happen.

I would never saw it.

I can't see anybody on the crew of complicated ever being like, shit, I need five, like, like, like, getting really upset.

I don't know.

I don't know.

No, I've had crew members, like,

you know, it's funny.

Like, this is a new thing that's happened recently.

Because, like, now the crew, you know, now at this point, we've been doing the show so long, like, the crew is like, we get like younger people in, you know, because other people leave, go to position.

And so, like, now you're getting like a mouthy millennial or two who gives you their thoughts on the jokes you made.

Yeah.

That's going to go over well.

Well, again, it's me.

So I pretend to listen

and say thank you.

I didn't think about that.

Thank you.

And then

that sort of thing.

So that's what I'm saying.

There have been times where I wish

there was more of a barrier.

You know what I mean?

You're more tolerant than I would be as far as that's concerned.

Like if I made a joke on the set and somebody came up to me and they're telling me their millennial fucking opinion on it yeah i don't think i'd react well yeah i my thing is like i probably shouldn't have reacted reacted she's done it a few times right i probably shouldn't have reacted as well as i am but my point is like i look at it as like

that's pretty it's not i don't know i know i should probably shut it down but it is a little bit like i don't i don't know like how i want i'm not gonna take I'm not gonna do what this I'm not gonna but I want to hear what the yeah I think I would lean towards it.

I'd want to hear it too.

Yeah, like

I would want to hear it because a different point of view,

especially from someone who has maybe their pulse a little bit, their finger on the pulse more than I do in terms of what is

not, you know, even funny, smart, whatever.

I mean, I'll take suggestions.

I would look at.

Yeah, I mean, taking suggestions is one thing, but like you can look at IJ over the years and I would say that they have their finger on the pulse.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

They don't need some fucking millennial coming up and being like, that joke could offend this one or that one.

Did you know the Indigenous people of Canada would be offended by that fucking joke?

There was one the other day where

we were doing this

seance and we were going to light some sage.

You got to build up the scene a little bit for the people.

And they were like, one of the concerns was like, I don't know, is sage appropriating anything?

Is that important in any cultures?

Holy shit.

And you're just like,

glad we got canceled when we did.

But like, that's not the stuff we have to listen.

Like, I, we could choose to, like, we didn't listen to that.

Wait a second, though.

Come on.

You're telling me that you wouldn't like not burn some sage to get some of that Comic Bookman money again?

Oh, no, I would burn it.

I'm saying, I don't want to hear this shit.

But I'm saying you're like, I'm glad we got canceled.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

I would be taking everybody.

If we could get back on TV, I would let Millennials tell me everything.

What do you guys think?

I'm talking tough now.

Exactly.

Because I'd rather hear it from some fucking dippy millennial on set than hear it from somebody at home like writing letters to True, being like, ah, my religion takes SAGE very seriously and I don't like to teach motherfuckers.

That's what I was going to say.

It must have been some kind of Wiccan concern.

I feel like you don't have to be concerned about Wiccan.

There's certain religions nobody gives a shit about.

I don't know.

And we do this bit.

Defending anyway.

Like, we do this bit where we're shooting it again

where we call the Jet.

We say the Japanese business people are coming.

And it's just a bit.

And like, we have these Japanese actors.

We use them every

Japanese actors the whole time.

And they come in and they don't speak.

It's just a bit.

Anyway, so this time we're setting it up to do it again.

And one of them is like,

oh, does it come across like you're making fun of the Japanese?

And you're like, well, no,

they're Japanese business people.

And then they're like, well, why is it funny that they're Japanese?

And you're like, that's not why it's funny.

Like, they flew from Japan.

Like, that's how important this meeting is, that they flew all the way from Japan.

We could be Australian businessmen, but who could, you know what I mean?

Like, Japanese businesses.

But so it's like you start hearing concerns like that that you haven't heard.

This is from

a second guess on your part, though.

Like, that doesn't like put the seed of like, oh, because it would do to me.

It would be

rethink everything.

There have been some that I've been like, that I've agreed with them that i'm like oh okay i didn't like we had um we had actually i think the episode aired last week where we had like a transgender person on the show and i was literally like i don't know how to how do we

what do i call them in the bid him her you know what i mean it's just like i don't know what state and you and you had somebody you could bounce off that's and there was there's a there's a uh a non-binary crew member that was that came up to me and it was like and again she's 21 and this is what i'm saying it takes a level of guts to like come up to the.

And she's like, listen, just telling you as a non-binary person, I've never minded when somebody has asked me what I choose to go by, so you can just ask her.

And that's what I did.

And that solved the problem.

You have to hire someone just to be that sensitivity.

Yeah, excuse me.

Sensitivity coach.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got it.

I love it.

Let's do it.

One lesson.

Don't say anything.

It'll offend somebody.

Just go all mime.

A season of all mime.

Yeah.

I don't know how we got on this.

Sorry.

Oh, the crew giving you notes.

Oh, well,

they've given me notes.

They've given me shit over the years.

Like, I've gotten snapped at by crew and stuff like that over the years because you're just, they're your friends.

Like, you got to lose that.

Or we've managed to lose that.

I mean, they don't.

They're respectful.

It's as I'm, you know, it's just a good two-way street.

And I guess looking back, too, it's like I did take notes from crew, like Safa.

Remember Safa from early on?

He would give me jokes sometimes.

Really?

Yeah, Tom Mom.

I would listen to.

Mom would give you jokes too.

No, no, mom wouldn't give me jokes, but mom would give me like pointers on certain things.

On audio?

Yeah.

He's like talking to the microphone.

Let's get some room tone.

That's all I'm going to say.

Yeah, that's true.

Kwai, please need room tone.

Thank you.

He still listens, too.

No, I was like, there were times I would say stuff especially for mom, just to like jokes for him.

It's just to look over to see if he was laughing.

Because I respect his sense of humor.

That's cool.

The party.

You guys had a 4th of July Shindig.

4th of July Shindig at my spot.

And it was a great success.

I was surprised at certain things.

Uh-oh.

They let a person with Down syndrome come.

Oh, Sage got to come?

No, Sage didn't get to come.

I wasn't aware it was this kind of party.

Ain't no party like a Down syndrome party.

You know, they don't stop.

But Q has a pool.

I thought that the Sage would love a pool.

Yeah, but usually

Q's parties are relegated to adults.

This is the first time.

That's right.

He did say

there was some weed burning, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

They got the little I thought there might be weed burning.

Yeah.

And I still was going to come with the missus.

And even though I knew that that, like, she would be like,

she might have the vapors might need to be fanned when she saw everybody need for every fat joint taking out of her mouth.

Like everybody.

Hey, man.

What you doing, Debbie?

You're going to chew the pool girl.

We should call it a sensitivity coach right now, though.

But I was there.

I was coming, and

something happened, I couldn't come.

But

I was a little stressed out and had a little bit of the anxiety about it because I was just like, I know there's going to be lots of weed use.

Yeah, but it wasn't.

It was very...

There was not that much weed use.

Yeah, it was very casual.

But the first two seconds he sprung up weed paint a picture in my head.

Hello.

No, it wasn't.

Most people, I would say, didn't, weren't.

My new neighbors that just moved in next door was there.

I would say 95% of people were not talking about it.

Yeah, it was fun.

It was fine.

And there were a couple of kids there here and there.

You could have brought anybody.

No, no.

It's 2020.

Two.

22.

That's like beer now, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

My wife and myself, we have to accept that.

Yeah.

We got to put ourselves into those kind of things.

I think that you would push for it.

I'm going to tell you why.

Because

there's no

drunken buffoonery.

There's no fighting.

Oh, you guys, no beers?

There's no.

No, no.

I mean,

weed is.

There's plenty of beer.

Like, weed as opposed to beer or alcohol.

They don't.

People don't get belligerent.

Belligerent isn't even on the menu, bro.

You're just chilling out, talking bullshit.

I've seen some people smoking weed who were belligerent and got pretty angry.

So I don't know if it was.

I know they were smoking some powerful shit.

How much more powerful can I get?

And I still see some fucking flashes of insane anger blowing up.

Reed for madness, I guess.

I don't know.

I was impressed by Q's pool towels.

You wouldn't think I would be.

Oh, you noticed that little detail.

I did.

I like that.

No, no.

The way they were wrapped and put in this basket, they were like, it was like you went to a resort.

Yeah.

And made it look like an animal?

No, not like what they get on their bed, just like in tight, you know, remember the bank things that used to put it in and put it in the chute and it goes up.

They look like that.

They're all like, plastic cylinder?

Yeah, but they're made of, but like the towel is in that shape, a tight roll in that shape.

Do you buy it like that?

No, Helen, my assistant does.

Helen will roll it like that for me.

For parties or just for every dinner?

No, just for the push.

She did it.

Just for the party.

Man, I got to get myself a towel roller.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it was impressive.

I looked it it.

It's the only thing I asked her to do that week, so that was enough ad on.

Yeah.

Tell me gets off easy some weeks.

There was one moment.

If she's ever overloaded with,

you know, send some of that shit down this way and Giddam can do it too.

You got it.

I've got to have her do it.

Who doesn't know why he's rolling towel roll?

There was a moment where...

We were going, Giddam and I, we were going to commandeer the audio system.

You know, you're playing the music.

Yeah.

And because Giddam had the idea to put on his version of Closer

in the middle of the party.

From an old episode of TSD where he sung like, I want to fuck you, like an owl.

Yes, yes.

Nobody would mind it.

See, there were kids there, though.

Like, nobody would know it was him, though.

Oh, no, I mean, I wasn't concerned about that.

That's the singer.

Yeah, there were a couple of little kids there, so I was concerned that, you know, the parents wouldn't want them to hear that shit.

But, like, if there weren't kids there, that would have been funny.

That would be pretty funny.

Yeah.

It was a good time.

A lot of cool people.

Great.

A lot of people.

Did you hang out with Joe DeRosa?

Anytime I hang out with Joe DeRosa?

Yeah, Joe DeRosa.

The beer pong.

It's funny because my new neighbor,

like, I got this first time I met these people, and I was like, oh, come on, we'll hang out.

And like, they had the unfortunate

happenstance of standing next to the beer pong table while me and DeRosa were playing.

Just so vicious with each other.

It's like beyond.

Oh,

it's like we'll go and we'll just be like, you're a fucking piece of shit.

Fuck you.

It gets like hard, hardcore.

But we're all laughing and dying.

And they're just standing there watching this go down.

Be like, this is my neighbor.

Yeah, like, this is my neighbor.

This is how he acts.

But they ended up having a really good time.

Speaking of pong, if you notice to your right there on the table queue.

On the table.

What's this?

That is a retractable ping-pong net.

And we are going to turn this table into a makeshift ping-pong table instead of getting a legit table.

So you didn't always get them, we'd call it inventured service.

We did the measurements, and it wasn't going to work out to have, you know,

to open it.

We would have to move this fucking beast every time.

So instead, we got a retractable net.

Okay.

And I got, think of this, though.

I got this great idea.

Yeah.

Customers come in, and if they could beat me at a game of ping-pong up to 21,

50% off their entire order.

All right.

But if they, but if I win,

there we go.

If I win,

just regular,

the normal price.

Okay, all right.

But how many times are you going to offer that in a day?

What if 13 people come in?

What, you don't think I can play 13 games of ping pong?

I think you could.

Do you want to play 13 games of ping pong?

Fuck yeah, I'm dying to play at least one.

I was playing get him today, but it's like, I want to play someone who's got some, who's viral.

You know, I want to play somebody who's got some,

who's got some fucking skills, man.

It's just

what they're playing with.

No, these are our makeshift paddles until we get our real ones.

We're getting paddles with four-color demon logo.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, we got that at the thrift store.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's a little cheap.

Yeah, it's chintzy, but that's what that's until the real deal gets here next week.

Frankfurt candy LLC.

All right, nice.

But I thought that would be a fun

aspect of visiting the general store.

Beat me.

Get 50% off your entire order.

That's pretty good.

Right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Giddam, I thought, was very well behaved at the party, right?

No, no.

He was.

There were moments where he was saying stuff that was a little like politically incorrect, and I was hoping that somebody would hear him.

He never did.

But other than that, yeah, I thought he there was one point also, he almost knocked Rocky into the pool.

He fell over.

He like, you know, you have that

main sitting area underneath the Yuramish Gazebo, and there's a step down.

Yeah.

And Giddam kind of missed that step a little bit.

Oh, he stumbled?

And stumbled.

Yeah.

Let's not cry.

That would have been pretty funny.

I was wondering, too,

which is worse?

I'm holding Benjamin Cat.

Yeah.

And I'm on your segue.

Right already.

I'm unhappy.

I accidentally go into the pool.

Yeah.

Now, is that more frowned upon?

Or the Downs baby, who was like, maybe not even a year old.

This kid was so fucking cute.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

He's awesome.

He was such a great little kid, man.

Listen, you're asking me?

A kid's got to learn to swim sooner or later.

Dude, Benjamin was holding court.

Oh, man.

It was awesome.

You wouldn't believe it.

Q brought him outside.

All the girls gathered around.

They're all sitting in a circle while he just goes around and gets pet.

He looked like a cult leader.

He had all these beautiful women around him, just cooing them, and he would just walk from one to one.

And one of the girls was like, I can't believe I'm meeting him because she's new on the show.

She's like, I can't believe I'm meeting him.

I feel like I'm meeting a celebrity.

She goes, it's the Benjamin cat.

And I go, well, I I go, it is like meeting a celebrity.

And he was great.

He just, and then the bet.

This is why he's the coolest cat.

Like, once he's done,

he's like, he got pet.

And he's like, I'm fucking done.

And he just walks into the house and he's because I'm all wanting more.

Yeah.

He wants him wanting more.

Yeah, he's a cool cat, man.

I would not be happy if you dropped him in the pool, though.

What about me?

I don't know why you're on the segue to begin with with your cat.

Yo, Q, watch.

Watch me.

Q watch.

Watch.

I'm looking even.

I'm going to triple Q, Q.

Q, would you look?

Stop playing beer pond for two seconds, Q.

Come on, you piece of shit.

Look at me.

Oh, shit.

I had a blow-up hot tub?

Really?

Yeah.

You could get yourself a hot tub.

Well,

you have the room.

If you're in the house.

No, I can't.

Oh, that's right.

You can't have a hot tub ever again.

That's true.

I totally forgot about that until right now

I cannot go into a hot tub

do I know this story I went to the hot last time I was in a hot tub was on the set of mall rats okay

and I went

30 years ago

trauma's real

and

about two hours after getting out of the hot tub I got the worst massive like stomach cramps ever in my life and I can only attribute it to being in a hot tub because it's the only time I've ever been in a hot tub before I never got cramps like this before agony

Agony.

I think it was cooking my intestines.

Okay.

That can happen, right?

Well, the water's probably around the same temperature as your body, I guess.

And it didn't happen to me.

Yeah, but I mean,

I'm more sensitive.

I also went to the emergency room three times on that trip.

I know.

It literally was like

we had a room on standby.

Remember what the sheets that

burned my skin because they were using too strong of a detergent?

Well, they were using a detergent that you weren't used to.

i'm not gonna say it was too strong and then the stomach cramps where i i asked you to take me to the emergency room i think it was one wasn't there one other thing i can't remember yeah i can't remember a third thing either i definitely remember those two very well

but how come

how does a blow-up hot tub work it's it's first of all i bought it as a i mainly bought it as a gag because my buddy uh joe umbergio is a like a he's a he's a quirky character i love that guy so i was like i'm i know he'll love the hot tub Like, I don't know why.

I just knew he would.

So I ordered it off Amazon, and it's only like $700 and change, right?

And

well, compared to a hot tub is like $10,000.

Like, how much is the hot tub?

This will be a great joke, $700 joke.

Oh, well, no, I'm going to.

My idea was to either raffle it off at the party or return it to Amazon, which it turns out I got to return it anyway because it didn't work right.

But,

but you just blow it.

It's awesome.

Like, it is like, I was so impressed.

It was a Coleman.

Now, in my mind, I'm picturing a blow-up hot tub.

Does it look like something you would get at like Target, like one of those kiddie pools?

It's a little bit better than that.

It's taller.

Yeah.

And it's square.

What would you say?

It was like five by five, six by six?

Yeah, it's the technology is unbelievable.

It's, it's, it's, you know, those air mattresses, you press a button, they blow it.

It's that.

And it's this really thick material, though, so it doesn't feel flimsy.

And then you hook up, then it has these ports on the side.

Did you have sex in it?

Could I?

Couldn't.

No, I didn't.

But I could.

You turned it, you scumbag.

I'm like, Helen,

pack that up.

You want to use gloves.

I want to return it in one of those cylinders that you put the towel in.

I'm eccentric that way.

I'm nutty.

I'm a nutty guy.

Such a goofball.

I'm a joker.

And practical.

Some would say.

Who's he talking to exactly?

Talking to himself while everyone else is looking at him concerned.

And then it has like, you know, like it has a little side unit that looks like a dehumidifier okay, with ports that connect to the hot tub, but then it heats the water and it filters the water and it bubbles the water.

It's it's unbelievable, like that's what I'm saying.

Like, for a hot tub, and that was a seven-person one, you can get the five-person one, seven people could fit it.

Yeah, that was a scam, though.

We had four people in there, and it was getting a little, I was already starting to rub knees with dudes, and I was like, all right, we're not doing this anymore.

I saw you, me and Gina, we're looking at like you, and uh, I think DeRosa was in there, like DeRosa and Verge.

There were five of us at one point there, and it was like, this is getting awfully doish here.

But the technology was,

I can't recommend it enough.

It didn't work.

Like, it only got it the first day it got it up to 100, and then the next day it wouldn't get it up past 90, so I ended up pretty much it.

So that's how high it can get to a triple digits.

104.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That is hot, right?

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty.

But that's a hot tub, baby.

That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that was fun.

And there's a big difference between like 101 and 104.

You think three degrees is not a big deal,

but it's a big deal.

Especially when it's like already 90 degrees out.

You know what I mean?

You're just sitting there, but it was fun.

It was a good time.

Yeah,

I think everybody walked away from that party thinking

it was pretty sweet.

I think so, yeah.

And Troy was like the last to leave.

He shut it down like 1.30.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it was fun.

Yeah, it was good to see Troy.

I don't get to sit around and talk Schlake Shoot the shit with Troy.

You guys were inseparable, man.

Yeah, it was fun.

It was fun.

All right.

Before we have any more fun, there's too much fun.

Too much shenanigans.

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I got the great idea for Karev.

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It tastes like Flintstone vitamins?

Yeah.

I love Flint.

I second that.

I would eat the purple like it was going as well.

Grape ones, yeah.

I could have OD'd on purple.

I was going to say people are going to get addicted to Carav.

I don't know if that's what they want.

It tastes too good.

How good was the purple

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Or the Dino.

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So it matched up like my OCD in my head.

I was like, so I was like popping Dinos like crazy.

As a kid, my mother would be like, stop eating them.

She wouldn't.

They're not candy.

I'd hear that all the time.

I used to like the little Bayer aspirin, too.

The little pink Bayer aspirin.

Oh, yeah.

Children's shoeable tablets.

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That's what carav's got to get into, man.

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It wasn't from carrots, it was from Flintstones.

Man, it's a picture of health.

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Those

are the squeaky wheels.

Yeah, you try reading the same ad for fucking ten years.

I mean, literally, like, how much more

humor can I instill into meundies?

I mean, for fuck's sake.

Give us a small break here.

I remember when they used to be funny.

Yeah.

It was better when they were funny.

I listened to all the, now I just scrub right through them now because they're not funny.

It doesn't do us any good.

You knew it would be better if they were funny.

Pieces of shit.

Is it ever okay to be happy that someone was murdered?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Of course.

Some people

say

Osama bin Laden.

Oh, I was thinking more personally in life.

Like, there's no one that you've met that in your life

that you would be happy if they got murdered?

Because I got at least one.

I know you have the one.

You're going to get shit.

The grave situation.

We had never thought about that before.

Like, if that person got murdered,

the more vicious,

I can't believe I'm saying this, the happier I would be.

Isn't that crazy?

So, like, if you found out he was dismembered

and was still alive while it was happening.

Like, somebody took him apart at the joints like a mob guy.

I would fucking love it.

Oh, I would be so happy.

What did this monster do to you?

I can't get into it.

What did this monster do?

It's more of a decades-long ongoing issue.

Yeah, it's been a good 20 years now.

What is this person?

This person was partly responsible for Johnson getting carjacked.

That's how fucking long this has been going on.

Really?

Yeah, because I was on the phone with him ranting and raving about

this person.

And I still hate them to this day.

Do you ever say to yourself, like, maybe

if you can learn to forgive,

you'll feel better?

Never.

Never.

Not even a possibility.

Is it that egregious?

I'm going to ask you, Brian, because I know he's going to answer me.

Yes, it is.

But do you you think it's that egregious that

him saying out loud that he would find like he would be giddy if he found out that he was taken apart piece by piece?

I'll say this much.

Most people would be aghast at him being taken apart piece by piece.

Like they would be like, I think that the punishment doesn't fit the crime.

but he's my boy so i think

there's nothing bad that could happen to this person

nothing there's nothing too bad that can happen that i wouldn't celebrate

like you name it and if it happened to this person i'm trying to think i can't think of any person i can't i i can't even i i could tell you off air but no no i can't no i'm not trying to think who it is but i'm trying but i'm trying to think of anybody in my own coming into contact with anybody in my own life that i could be that way.

Like,

I don't think there is that I could be like,

wait, wait a second.

They cut his head off and his balls.

And he was still alive?

Yeah, yeah.

He has a dick.

It's a male.

Yeah.

Okay.

And I would be like,

I wouldn't, there would be maybe a little bit of a nausea no matter who it was.

Well, you don't have to see it.

You're just hearing it.

I know, but here, even though.

I look at pictures.

It's the word.

The word hatred hatred is often, I think, underused, like often overused.

This is, I can say in my life,

I know what true, true

hatred feels like.

I do.

And it's a crazy feeling.

If you told me, I wouldn't recognize the name.

No, not at all.

Oh, okay.

Not at all.

Not at all.

I'd have no frame of reference.

And I don't blame you.

I don't blame you.

I would feel the same way.

Yeah.

Didn't molest me or anything like that.

No.

No, did I.

No.

That's all the listeners what they could do.

Would you know that for a fact?

I will say that this person did diddle me.

It couldn't make me hate them anymore than I do.

That's how much I hate them.

It is a hatred.

Yeah.

Burning.

Wow.

As much as you've ever been.

It could fuel you, though.

Oh, it has.

It has.

It could motivate you.

Well, the good thing is, like, I've had multiple opportunities to really jam it in this motherfucker's face over the years.

I mean, I've had, right?

Like, I've been able to really fucking stymie their own life and career and fucking really jam it in them.

Oh,

yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Trust me, they deserve it.

Some might say it's a mean streak, but you're saying it's deserved, though.

There's no mean streak.

There's no mean streak.

Wow.

Yeah, I'm the victim here.

Oh, I can't.

Now I'm going to look for my next opportunity to fuck him.

It's been years.

Who are you talking about, though?

Yeah, the reason I ask is because there's this big game hunter

who the guy, you know, he's like, oh, he shot a lion.

He shot an elephant.

You know, there's.

Oh, okay.

This is not a person who is known as the big game hunter.

This is just a big game hunter.

This isn't the dentist.

This isn't the dentist guy that shot the lion.

This is another.

What says an avid hunter of endangered animals was shot dead in South Africa after his truck broke down.

He was found dead next to his vehicle.

Cops say they have no motive yet.

Two hunting rifles were found near the Kruger National Park Wildlife Reserve.

And they said he was shot by a man who pulled up alongside him when the hunter stopped his truck after it overheated.

He was shot execution style next to the vehicle in Limpopo.

said the Twitter account.

And it's like there's a bunch of pictures of him with like dead elephants and dead lions and shit.

It says the group said two men got out of a white Nissan truck and shot him, the outlet reported.

The man shot him in cold-blooded closing.

Two men did it if they have no suspects.

I don't know.

Well, I guess they have a witness.

They just don't suspect anybody.

There was two hunting rifles too.

Wait, they shot him because he killed animals?

That's the way it's looking.

Why the fuck would you want to shoot people?

Yeah, I mean, there's no sympathy for a guy who kills elephants and shit.

Elephants can think and reason and communicate.

Is there anything cuter than a baby elephant trying to play with somebody?

It's fucking unbelievable.

It's like God smiling when you see that elephant.

Yeah, like you can't be upset watching that shit.

I don't even know why.

Like, what is it inside someone that's like, I want to hunt and kill an elephant?

I want to shoot it.

It's the craziest thing.

Like, what is the matter with you?

They shot a giraffe.

Again, yeah, like, these are things that do not need

to be be killed?

There's no reason to kill these things.

I wonder,

do they not feel like I just took something beautiful out of the world?

I don't know.

Feel superior?

Yeah, like I'm the alpha predator here.

There's a website that says we are your African dream.

The business charges $350 a day to hunt game, $2,500 for a crocodile, and $1,500 for a giraffe.

$1,500 for a giraffe.

A fucking sweet giraffe.

Just a little giraffe.

I remember there was a little zoo I went to, and

I never did this, but

people would put Cheerios, or not Cheerios, fruit loops,

on their cheeks.

And the giraffes would...

I'm choking up here.

Oh, my God.

But the giraffes would stretch their necks over the fence, and they would take

the fruit loop off people's faces so gently.

I love giraffes, but I wouldn't do that.

I would probably be in an emergency room with a fucking weird growth on my face.

I fed giraffes a lettuce from my mouth.

Like, I put a piece of lettuce in, and they just wrap their tongue around the lettuce and take it away.

Yeah, what made you do that?

Because the other people are doing that because I can't imagine why anybody would start putting fruit loops on their cheek.

Yeah, it was just at the zoo.

I was getting like a tour of the zoo.

Yeah, what a weird thing to be like, hey, I know what I'll try.

You went to that zoo, yeah.

Yeah, it was a beautiful, it was a not a beautiful zoo, but it was a very unique zoo.

I wish it was still around.

It's gone?

Yeah, burned down.

Oh, sure.

What zoo is it?

It was out by Columbus, New Jersey.

It's really far away, but it was like a very

strange thing.

The zoo burned down, aren't they?

There was all speculation, insurance, and shit.

Yeah, that'll do it.

There was like four fires there within two years.

Yes.

Not too soon.

They're burning one animal at a time.

They're keeping dragons there?

Like, what the fuck's going down?

Walt, I don't know how you feel about this.

Like, coming off the heels of them, the state legalizing weed,

they're saying magic mushrooms could be legalized for personal use in New Jersey.

Now, where does one get mushrooms now?

Is this a black market thing?

When you want to get a magic mushroom?

That is that I've done.

Or do you grow them yourself?

So few times in my life that I wouldn't even know where to start.

Like, let's say you got a hankering for a mushroom tonight.

Where's the first person you go?

Who do you call?

Somebody.

It can't be their name enough.

Report them.

I have some friends that live in

California, like work in the industry.

I know.

I know a dude that micro-doses that takes it every day.

I'd probably go to him.

Now, you couldn't just

try to grow mushrooms on your land, right?

Or is that illegal?

I wouldn't even know how.

I think that's illegal.

Just let shit just lie, right?

I'm not a mushroom.

I've only done it a couple of times.

How do I feel about that?

Well, it says it would legalize magic mushrooms for the treatment of mental disorders.

It would allow residents over the age of 21 to possess, store, use, ingest, inhale, process, transport, deliver without consideration, or distribute without consideration four grams or less of silosilin.

I know I know how to pronounce this word.

Psilocybin.

Maybe it's wrong.

People are going to tell me it's wrong.

I don't know.

I forget how to pronounce it.

I don't know.

It's going to be illegal.

Isn't it weird that it's illegal anyway?

It just grows.

Something that can just grow.

Yeah.

Yeah, but maybe people will be walking around like hallucinating and shit, you know?

I mean, do we have a mushroom problem?

I think there's a lot more

bigger problems

of substance abuse.

And I don't know if mushrooms are

like,

is it that big of an industry, the mushroom industry?

I don't know.

I tried this candy bar that had

the chemical in it, psilocybin, I believe.

And

it was like one of the

candy bar, probably about this big.

Not a small candy bar, but one of the bigger, bigger ones.

And I felt absolutely nothing.

You ate the whole bar?

I ate the whole candy bar.

Where are they selling this at?

This candy?

Some guy I know.

He was injecting, he was making his own candy?

The people he knows make their own edibles, gummies, you know, weed gummies and that kind of stuff.

Do you think he just sold you a chocolate bar?

I mean, there's probably a good chance of it.

This Hershey bar is going to get you fucked up, bro.

Yeah, stout on the bar.

All I have to do is pay $85 for it.

No, like

he had people who made their own edibles and then they would put them in like packages that resemble like sour patch kids or something like that.

And

there was this rice krispie treat that Mary Beth tried.

And the thing with when people like this, like these home cooks are making them is they have no ability to evenly distribute the THC.

It's just not a refined enough science, I think, to be making this shit at home.

So Mary Beth ate, you know, her normal amount of Krispie, and I was like, I'm going to have to take her to the fucking hospital.

She's like, I'm hallucinating.

Really?

Yeah, she was like, it was a bad trip, I guess, you would call it.

It was,

I had to, I had to walk her through it.

She was in bed and she's crying and shit.

Oh, isn't that annoying for you?

Yeah.

You're like, I'm wasting my night.

Well, that's the thing.

Plus, you wasted the fucking Krispy.

I paid for that, you know.

But that's the danger, though.

I could have bought another fucking mushroom bar and not gotten anything out of it.

I could have bought another $100 Hershey bar.

But this is

that, though, is the concern.

That's where you don't want this to become,

I think, easily accessible, though, because it looks like candy.

You're going to get,

somebody is going to have a child

consume this shit and die, though.

Right.

If it becomes that, like,

if they start putting shrooms into candy and chocolate bars and Flintstones vitamins.

Yeah,

the shrooms, I don't know.

I don't know if you can do it.

You said they put overdose of mushrooms into the chocolate bar, right?

Yeah.

The chemical.

Yeah, I mean.

Yeah, like if say Sage got a hold of it and she ate the whole thing.

Yeah, if it's going to become legal, it should look like a nasty fucking fungus.

So kids don't want to eat it.

And if you need it so bad, then you've got to eat this fucking

fungi.

And you call it a fungus, too.

Don't call it a mushroom.

Everybody's like, oh, it's cool, mushroom.

Call it a fungus.

So the actual product looks like a fungus, you're saying, not just like a picture on the wrapper.

Well, yeah, when you open it up, it looks all slimy and it's that weird, nasty, beige color.

From a marketing standpoint, I feel like they wouldn't want to go that way.

It smells like feces.

Because

then you know that you're really, the people who are buying it, they really need it or want it.

Right.

You know, it doesn't become

these weekend warriors, you know, just trying it.

And then the kids get a hold of it.

I got to tell you, like when I was deep into the pills, if they smelled like feces, I probably still would have have eaten them.

Yeah, damn.

I would have proven myself.

Oh, God.

What a yoke that was.

What?

The pills?

The pills, yeah.

I'm glad that's way in the rear view.

Yeah, it's pretty nice, man.

Yeah.

I was watching a show the other day.

I was watching somebody, same thing, like opioid thing.

And I'm like, I remember it.

I remember everything this person is saying.

I remember feeling that way and like the trying to get off it and the pain, like the

body aches and the mental shit and all that stuff.

Like so much so that you're like, it's not worth it to do it again on a personal level.

Yeah.

I'm just like, it's not worth it.

I wouldn't want to go through it again.

It just sucked.

Like getting a knee replacement, it's like, it really sucked.

And aside from the pills they gave me,

it's just something you don't want to go through again because it's awful.

It's terrible.

Yeah, and it's like how high are the highs on that stuff?

Isn't it just checking out?

Well,

when you first start, the highs are great.

It's after a little while, not too long, before the highs start to diminish, and then the highs aren't there at all.

Then you're like, I just got to take it so I feel normal.

You know, you hear people say that all the time.

I got to take it so I feel normal.

And what that means is not having the body aches, not having the

just that crazed, like, I got to get more, I got to get more type feeling.

Yeah.

Because that's like a lot of the time that

you're on it is spent thinking about when you're going to take the next one or, God forbid, you should run out.

So you're always checking your supply, you know,

making sure that you're not getting more caution.

You're not going to get a short sling box.

Yeah.

That was probably,

I guess that would be a low point.

Yeah.

Because I had so little money at at the time.

I mean, that's the equivalent of like searching the couch cushions for change and shit like that when you're selling off sling TVs, right?

Only if a stranger was watching you do it.

Oh, my God.

You're Brian Johnson.

You're on comic book, man.

No, I'm not.

Yeah, you can watch it on sling here.

Oof.

Let's see.

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Oh, yeah, Raycon.

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Yeah, I just got them, man.

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Sorry, I know that was a hysterical ad.

Oh, boy.

I have a listener sent in something to the mailbag, and I thought it was

something that you guys might have an interest in weighing in on.

He's looking for some advice.

Oh, all right.

This is a doozy, though.

Dear Bri, Q, Walt,

I've been a longtime listener and love hearing your advice for every situation.

I recently found out that my quote-unquote father isn't actually my father.

Whoa.

My mom had an affair with another man.

I find out

through ancestry DNA tests.

I find this out that way.

She let my quote-unquote father not only raise me, but let him pay child support for 18 years of my life.

Oh, your mother's a sociopath.

I need advice on how to proceed with learning a 32-year-old secret and what course of action I should take.

The man she slept with is an audio engineer that lives close to me.

It's hard for me to even look into the mirror because all I see is him now.

I feel like my whole life is a lie.

Please let me know if this is something you guys can help me with.

Even a discussion on a topic would be nice.

Take a DNA test.

It'll be fun, they say.

Never thought anything like this could ever happen.

Thank you guys.

Much love and respect.

I won't say his name.

Wow.

This is not.

That uncommon, it seems.

No, not with this new technology about like tracing your past and shit.

You're able to figure shit out now.

Yeah.

All those, like, that affair that you had 18 years ago or however old the guy is.

32?

32 years ago has now.

So, okay, so he's 32.

Let's say conservatively his mom was 20 when she had him.

I mean, now she's in her 50s.

How do you confront a 50-year-old woman with like, hey, slut?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's harsh.

I mean,

I don't think it's the fact that she was pregnant at that age.

I think it's the whole letting somebody else.

That's what I mean.

I'm just saying, say she got pregnant at 20.

Like, she's in her 50s now.

So it's like

it feels like it would be easier to call a younger person on it than an older person.

I don't know why.

You feel that with so much time has passed, that it's better to not even bring it up, to like, don't just keep this secret?

I'd tell the mom I knew, I wouldn't tell the dad I knew.

Why?

Because I would want the mom to be like, I know, I know what you're like, and I know who you are.

Oh, you want

to, what, gain some sort of edge?

You don't know when you might need that edge.

Come will time.

Pam might divide the spoils a little differently.

Wow.

Yeah, I don't know if I'm be shocked if that helps.

That's helpful to this guy.

I don't give a spend advice.

Cue you or anything.

If it's me, if I find myself in this situation,

the first thing I think he's got to do is

I could already tell from the tone of, I assume that was a longer email than what you read.

That was it.

That was it.

Because his tone is already kind of like, woe is me, type thing.

And I think the first thing you got to do is divorce yourself from that.

And like, you can't be sad sack about this.

Who's my real daddy?

Yeah, like, enough, like, right away, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Just be like, okay, this is a fucked up situation.

And then...

Well, okay.

Was he feeling feeling sorry for himself?

Don't lose your train of thought.

Why, though, do you think it's good to not have the woe is me?

Because it's not helpful.

It's not helpful to the situation at all.

And you're creating it.

Like, look, you can't control, right?

This is the number one thing about life, right?

Like, you can't control anything that happens to you.

You can only control really how you react to it.

And so he's in charge of how he reacts to this right now.

And, you know, part of it could be, you know, you could either be like, why did this happen to me?

What's wrong with me?

Boo-hoo-hoo.

Or you could be like, well, shit, this is kind of fucked up.

And if you don't let

that emotion or that feeling sorry for yourself take it over, then you can make some fucking real decisions here.

Me?

I want to meet the guy.

You would.

I would want to meet my real father.

I would want him to know that I'm his biological son.

My fucker got away with it for too long.

And you're.

Wait, what?

Who got away with it?

The sound engineer guy.

Yeah, the sound engineer.

I mean,

is he the innocent victim victim in this, though?

He may not even know.

You're right.

You're absolutely right.

Let me retract that.

I would.

There might be two saps in this.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess, like, I would.

The only one I would be worried about finding out is the guy who thinks he's my biological dad.

He put in all the money.

Well, that wouldn't be the part that I'd be worried about.

18 years he paid for somebody else's seat.

Yeah, but he's his son.

I wouldn't.

Like, that's what I'm saying.

Like, he's still his son.

Like, that's still his father.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, he's got to.

But if he tells him, he could be like, he could be so enraged, he'll take it out and be like, you're not my son.

I don't know.

I would assume not.

I'm assuming that that's not going to happen.

Well, what good does it do to tell

not the fake dad, but the dad who's not the biological father?

Like, what good does it bring to him to tell him?

Like, hey, mom cheated on you fucking 32 years ago.

And it seems like the marriage broke up anyway, because he's paying child support.

So there's not,

it's not as if there's a happy home to consider.

Yeah.

I mean, he's going to be real unhappy then.

He's like, so all that child support I paid.

Exactly.

That's what I said.

Like, he could be super angry and super like, oh, my God.

Is that his only son?

Does he have a brother?

Like, there's some missing information for me to look at there.

But in terms of the audio engineer, like, nothing would stop me.

from knocking on that door and being like, hey, we got to talk.

Like, I'm your son.

Would you.

You fuck my mom.

You fucked my mother.

Would you have expectations or desires for a relationship?

I would be kind of interested in, yeah, there would be a desire.

It would be like, I want to know the history of my blood.

Like, I'd want to know where it came from.

But ultimately, it doesn't matter.

You know what I mean?

So that's what I'm saying.

Like, if you can keep on dispassionate.

It's hard, though.

It's not easy.

Yeah, it is hard.

That's

a tough conversation to have.

It's tough to

see it working out like where it works out great for everybody.

But you can't even get too mad at because let's assume the mom was 20.

Like, people are people.

Your parents don't know any more than you.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's like I'm 46.

I'm 16 years older than my dad was when he had me.

I don't know what the fuck's going on.

Like, it's like you just learn, you get older and be like, these people don't know anything.

If you don't give yourself as much credit, you have a very,

very well

head on that shoulders, though.

You know how things work, and you would be

more so than much.

Yeah, you know.

You're

a

very smart, intelligent person.

I think if you look at the human race and you look at the, like, there's a chart of where I fall on it, I bet you I'm just right in the middle.

I don't think I'm anything special

over anybody else.

I've had good people in my life who have helped me out.

Two of them are in this room.

You know what I mean?

Like, I've been able to, like, you're like, I'm a product of my environment, and it's just like I've been lucky in that regard.

But in terms of like intelligence, come on, man.

You think you carry yourself and you proceed to live your life in a way that shows that, like,

if you were the father,

that son would be coming onto a doorstep that would be

take away all the old.

He's trying to get the IJ fortune.

That's what he's trying to do.

That's a solid gate he has on his house.

But you would be.

A lot of snipers on the roof just in case this situation arrives.

Some cappers.

Every millennials show up at the front gate.

But you would be somebody that would enrich

your adult son's life, though.

Even if you were still

took away

all the success and everything, just as a man,

you would be

your the your new son would be lucky to to have

to get to be able to know you.

Are you talking about him and his son or you and get him?

Yeah, I mean, it's like

you would hope that this the audio engineer is like look, like again, the audio engineer, when he gets that knock on the door, has a like you can't bemoan all those years lost.

You can only be like, this is the situation that me and my offspring find ourselves in.

What is it going forward?

Like, to sit there and get, like, I'm not saying, look, we're not robots.

You can't fucking turn it off.

And I'm not saying, don't be upset, but you've got to really not let emotions guide you.

And you have to be like, I'm not responsible for this.

The only one who's really responsible for this is the mother because she's the one that fucked with somebody outside of a marriage and kept it secret from everybody involved.

We don't know that, though.

But even if that's the case, you have to forgive her because you

know

what was going on in her life.

And maybe she didn't even know.

Maybe she didn't even know.

You're right.

Maybe she didn't even know.

So it's just like to get

maybe she didn't know who the father was and assumed that it was the father.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Maybe she assumed it was the man that back then you couldn't check, so it wouldn't have mattered.

Well, we could do a blood test.

She was in her 32 years ago.

That would be still whatnot in the 90s.

Yeah.

You still could have found that.

Late 80s, early 90s.

Yeah, you're right.

She is.

I don't know.

I would just say, like, just get rid of the anger anger and the hurt immediately, and then just think about how you want to focus.

And if the answer is, I don't want to talk to the audio engineer, I don't want to know,

that's your decision.

Like, that's fine.

But, you know, whatever you do, you've got to put, you got to lead with emotion and you can't lead with anger.

You, you have to just say, like, this probably isn't even that uncommon of a situation, and it's fucked up, but this is where you are.

And what are you going to do?

What are you going to do about it now?

And you just got to remove the fucking crying and whining.

Yeah, the pussy ass bullshit.

You got to remove it from it.

You got to be a man.

The best case scenario is you

tell your biological father, and

you guys strike up a relationship of some kind that

enriches your life.

That would be great.

That's the best case scenario.

Yeah, but if you go knock on his door and like being like, fuck you, you fuck my voom, it's never going to happen.

Anytime I go to Pem and Andrews, that's how I am.

that's how I greet them.

I don't, yeah.

You fucking hurt, pussy.

It was in the fucking 60s.

I know it was Harry.

It was the 90s?

It wasn't Harry back then, I can tell you that.

But the worst case scenario is he slams a door in your face, right?

That's the worst case scenario.

Or the worst case scenario is then you upset your mother and you upset the man who raised you.

Or the audio engineer's family, too.

Like, suddenly, now they're awesome.

There's a domino.

Me personally, I know how I would go.

What would you do?

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing.

Nothing.

It's the easiest route.

That's fine, too, though.

It's the easiest, less work, less emotional toll on me.

And that's all that fucking matters.

I don't even think that that's a joke.

Like, I think that's a real valid way to pick it up.

I wouldn't change nothing.

It means, I mean, like, okay, I can have a relationship in my 30s.

If I'm in my 30s, I can have a relationship with a guy who's in his 50s.

Is it that great anyway?

Trust me, I got a bunch of new friends.

It's not that awesome.

It's just another person you have to now care about.

And

with that, you know, come some rewards, but also comes with other things too, you know, like emotional toll that like when you invest in somebody else.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, he's putting, he's putting himself out there because what if audio engineer is like,

go fuck yourself, I don't care, slams the door in his face, or becomes overly involved.

We gotta recapture lost time.

We gotta go to ball games.

Go to ball games, I gotta chide you, I'm gonna teach you how to drive again.

It's hard to know.

I I wouldn't knock on the door.

Maybe I'd write a letter, a handwritten letter, don't email that shit.

Like handwrite it, send it, just be like, this is my email.

If you want to get it, would you sign your name or would you like, if you want more information, come meet me here?

Yeah, I'm not playing

Saul.

I'm like

playing a game with them.

Well, then you know, though.

Like, well, I'm going to be at this diner.

No, I would be like, this is my email address.

I'd be like, this is my email address if you want to.

But, like, what's the point of like, why?

Like, then you're at the diner waiting to see if he shows up.

Like,

it's not a movie.

Yeah.

It's more cinematic.

No, that's the shit I'm saying.

Leave behind.

Like, just you've got to make it as easy as possible for the man to fucking connect with you or don't right

don't set a meeting point a year in the future and see if he shows up

i don't know i think we uh i think we hope this dude whatever you do dude like what you how about this how about i put it like this yeah i don't think you can make a wrong decision as long as you

get your emotions under control and and get your anger under control and think about it clearly then any decision you make is the right decision.

That's

I think that's sound.

I think

that's good.

Just don't be a pussy about it.

Stop being such a puss.

Yeah.

A lot of people have it way worse.

You got to see this guy had the fuck that I hate.

I had to deal with him in my life.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, that's all I had.

I think then is that all I had?

Yeah, I don't know.

I've been working since 9 a.m.

So if you guys want to get to that other episode, I'm not going to mind.

Do you want me to say anything, Brian?

I don't know.

You could say what you want to say.

You know what to say, Walt.

Yeah.

Steve Dave.

Nice.