#521: Cruisin’ With The Oldies

I'm fucking Johnny Hot Two Dicks over here.

How much scotch can you give a four-year-old

There's a guy down there talking about doing Coke to little kids.

He looks happy, though.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with my two Globetrotting friends, Walt Flanagan.

Yo.

And BQ.

Hello.

Globetrotters, the both of you.

That's why.

A little apology for no show last week.

You guys are traveling fools.

Q, every time I look at Instagram, I see you cavorting

with a new celeb.

This last time, Paul Rudd.

I was very impressed.

I like Paul Rudd.

He's awesome, dude.

He's everything you want him to be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's just the best.

Ming's a big fan of Paul Rudd, too.

I mean, I met him as a cop.

I was a big fan of Paul Rudd.

I used to not be.

It's just a matter of time.

I used to not be.

It was one movie that I was like, who is this guy?

And

that was midnight.

The clueless?

No,

it was actually Overnight Delivery, that Kevin Smith scripted movie.

I didn't see that one.

Yeah, when I watched it, I was like, I don't like this guy.

Who is this guy?

Yeah, and it lasted a little while.

And then I saw him in something else, which I cannot remember what it was.

He was in Halloween.

He was one of the Halloween movies.

Was that it?

He had the baby.

It was the one way of like.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I saw him in something that totally changed it around, and then my love grew as time went on.

And I guess

he's great.

I mean, you look at Wet Hot American Summer and shit like that.

He's so funny.

Even Anchorman, like, he's just funny.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm pals with him.

Like, I was just in his orbit.

Well, did you guys exchange phone numbers?

Yes.

All right, then you're his pals.

No, no, no.

I don't want to give that impression at all.

He's just a super nice dude.

He gave you his number.

You gave him your number.

He gave Murray his number, and Murray connected us all in a text change.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

So I didn't even get the number.

Yeah.

So Murray's the.

Murray's his real friend.

Yeah.

I was just lucky enough to be around them.

Yeah.

Crack some jokes around them.

Who else did you hobnob with?

A lot of hobbing and nobbing with this guy.

A lot.

Well, this was a charity called Big Slick.

I was up there saving children, I guess, is the only way to put it.

It's called the Big Slick, and it's this Kansas City

foundation that

they have a local children's hospital out there, and they'll get in all these

names to come in, and they'll do a big show, and they'll raise money.

And then we did the hospital visit.

We went to the hospital visit two days, one day to entertain the kids, and then the next day to go room to room and visit the kids and stuff like that.

So it's really like it was something special.

But at night, the partying happened, and it was just so much fucking fun.

And we did this giant, we did the T-Mobile Center, which is

an arena.

We filled an arena,

and all the money with the charity raised $3.5 million for this awesome show.

So when you say you entertain the kids, then you do T-Mobile, like you're putting on a show?

Yeah, for the kids, we did like this family feud type thing with their answers.

And we played

this family feud type thing, and the answers were all for the kids, funny for the kids.

And then

that was just to make children smile, Walt, and see the gleam in their eyes.

The show at the T-Mobile Center was, they had tables and they sold them for like $10,000 a piece.

You know, it was all donors and stuff like that.

And they just raised all this money putting on the show.

This is their 13th year doing it.

I just got the invite this year because Rob Riggle was on Jokers and I went out and it was like nothing.

It was so much fun.

But

yeah, I will say someone who I am friends with, and I'm happy to publicly declare this is Richard Kind.

That's impressive to me.

God, oh my God.

I spent most of the weekend with him

and, you know, a couple other guys.

I don't want to just start name-dropping here and there because nobody likes that.

But me and Richard Kind are, I don't want to say lovers because we didn't quite cross that threshold yet.

But we'll be going out to dinner there.

Yeah, yeah, I love the guy.

You had a funny anecdote about he accidentally butt dialed you one time.

Yeah, I told him about it because we met at the Beetlejuice, the Beetlejuice play.

Broadway.

Yeah, and he came up and he was like, oh, I'm a fan of the show.

But he doesn't that Richard Kind voice.

That's like just fucking awesome to listen to.

And so we exchanged numbers.

And then about a few months went by this is like a few years ago at this point and uh my phone rings and it says Richard Kine but I couldn't answer because we were in the middle of shooting a bit so it leaves a voicemail and he butt dialed me well and I was so excited that I had like I had met Richard Kind he likes my show he's like a genius like he's you know and uh so it's just he butt dialed me and it was a three-minute message and two minutes 40 seconds of it where just you hear like like this the pocket and every once in a while you hear his voice and then he realizes he butted out someone.

He picks up, he looks at his phone, and clear as fucking day, he looks at the phone and goes, Brian Quinn, who the heck is Brian Quinn?

You still got it?

Yeah, you still got it.

I still got it.

I'm playing it.

I'm playing it.

It's hysterical and deflating at the same time.

It's so funny, man.

It's like, it's the perfect story because he's just like dismissive.

Who the heck is?

Who the heck is Brian Quinn?

It's really funny.

So you saved kids.

Saved a bunch of kids, I feel, yeah.

That's not bad.

Why do you think the comic bookmen never got those kind of invites?

Well, we got the invites to save the animals, and it went.

I told that story recently.

We saved no animals, so they're like, if they can't save animals, there's no chance on the planet that they got enough cachet to bring them in to try to like, you know, get the big high rollers

to save kids.

To save kids, you know, like

that's that's the brutal honest truth that's probably what they do is they start you off with animals see how you do yeah well no i mean this is like the show's been on the air 11 years now it took 11 years for me to get an invite to the to this yeah so it's not like i'm fucking johnny hot two dicks over here like it's still most people are like who's this guy yeah i had a i i i um

I was telling my nephew's girlfriend recently about the,

because, you know, my nephew works with animals, and we got talking about animals, and I recounted that story and if you hadn't heard it it's like we were we were asked to do a benefit for it was like an aspca type thing or something right

to raise money

it was in the fucking middle of nowhere it was like it was out

like in like in a field yeah it was in this big field they had set up some tents it was brutally hot i remember and we were supposed to just go there and sign shit and say you know glad hands say hello to people and nobody wanted anything nobody wanted anything nobody wanted their hands glad

it.

I think one person recognized us.

If I remember correctly, one person was like, hey, here are the guys from Comic Pokemon.

All right, see you later.

Yeah.

It's all right.

We tried, though.

You were there.

Yeah, we gave it our all.

Well,

we could do the hospital charity thing.

Just be like, hey, man, do you have Amazon Prime?

Because you could watch our show on that.

Well, yeah, but if you really were

motivated by Q's

wonderful, generous time that he donated to the children's hospital.

I'm sure there's a children's hospital in Jersey.

You don't have to go all the way to Kansas City.

But will celebrities be there, is my question.

You are the celebrity.

Will I be able to hang out with Richard Kyd?

I would think not.

And Walt

hit the high seas.

Yeah.

Again.

I'm going to call up our

buddy Frank Five.

All right.

Now, I could not go on this trip.

Let me fix this for you.

I could not go on this trip because of a conflict in time with

Sage's graduation.

Now, what I could have done, can you hear it?

I can hear it.

It's a little hummy, but.

Well, that's going to have to be Declan's problem.

Okay.

It's not on me anymore.

Yeah.

I could not go on this cruise because it didn't get back until

the 23rd, I think, well, something like that.

And her

graduation was the 22nd

with a rain date of the 24th.

And I was like, what's going to happen

is it's going to rain on the 22nd.

They get back the 23rd, which means I could have went.

And then the graduation is going to be on the 24th.

Sure enough, fucking, it rained all day.

But, and this is where I was like, all right, maybe I don't have a total fucking black cloud.

Maybe it's just gray.

Yeah.

Maybe it's just gray over me.

They switched the venue.

All of a sudden they're like, okay, the rain date isn't going to be Friday.

We're still going to have a graduation, but it's just going to be indoors.

Okay.

Also, you get two less tickets.

So you're like, you take a merry bath.

I'll stay home.

It was about as much fun as you imagine an eighth grade graduation would be.

Torturous.

It's torturous.

It's a bunch of bullshit you don't care about until they're like, Sage, weedmeyer.

And She goes up and goes her diploma, then walks back and sits in the chair, then more bullshit you don't care about, and then fucking a half hour trying to get out of the parking lot.

Yeah.

Why are we doing this?

I don't know.

Tradition.

Yeah.

And they're happy.

Those kids are happy.

They're like, there you go.

Yeah, and it's like, it seems like it's a, it's a, like, I don't remember, like, when we were in sixth grade, do you remember being at a huge deal that you graduated?

Like, I don't even remember high school being a big deal.

No, it's a big deal.

It's an accomplishment.

Yeah, it's an accomplishment.

You put in your dues and now

it's your day to

have your family

be like, you're going to be somebody.

You did it.

You remember those days?

Queen for a day, yeah.

I should graduate from something again so I got more accolades.

Yeah, so let's call it Frank Five.

We'll see what he thought.

We'll get his thoughts and Walt's thoughts.

Yeah, I wonder what we're going to get from him because he's not going to,

there's no way he's he's reporting to you and me behind Walt's back anything anything

Salacious.

I don't think there's anything salacious to report if there is he's more than willing to say it.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

Hey, Brian, how's it going?

How's it going?

I'm here with Walton Q.

Hey, bud.

Hey, guys, how are you?

What's up?

Not much.

I'm babysitting.

You know, Peg Frank 5 is a babysitter, right?

But you're very close to your niece, aren't you?

Yes, yes, very close.

I mean, she's a a little hyper today, but yeah, normally very close.

How old is she?

Four.

Oh, it's cool, man.

Yeah, it's a cool age.

We were just talking about Q doing a charity for a children's hospital, and he's getting all misty, and now he's saying that it's cool that you have a four-year-old.

Do you see, well, a kid on the horizon for BQ?

He's still a young man.

He could still father a child.

No.

No.

Meaning that we don't know that that's not happening.

Well, you know, what you got to do is whenever you have the feeling of wanting a kid, you just babysit somebody else's.

Yeah, I never have that feeling, so it's not a problem.

I've never once even had a feeling of like, I wonder if I'm missing out on anything.

I've just, those parts just aren't in me.

I'm just like, I don't want it there.

Yeah.

So we were talking about how it turned out that like had I gone on the cruise, I would have missed the graduation.

So I guess I made the right call.

Oh, so yeah, you would have missed it then, right?

That's too bad.

Yeah, I would have missed it.

But this is the second trip now

that I'm missing out with the Flanagans and the Fives.

And where did this ship go?

Bermuda.

Oh, lovely.

Tropical paradise.

Pink Sands.

Yeah.

Did you go to Horseshoe?

Is it Horseshoe Cove or Horseshoe Beach?

We went to a beach, the first beach I've been on in decades.

Yeah.

It was something out of like a postcard.

It was like, it was a paradise.

Like this backdrop of this amazing,

beautiful, clean beach with the sparkling blue water, beautiful sand, like grass huts.

And

we played ping pong on the beach for hours.

Nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was awesome.

Yeah.

It was a lot of fun.

Not too hot?

Lovely weather?

I wasn't that hot.

I don't know if Frank can say the same thing.

He looked like he was...

He was sweating balls.

He looked like he

jumped into a pool.

it was hot like mid midway through the ping pong game i was like taking my shirt off he was like completely completely fine and i i thought i was gonna go into like having a heart attack or something this is hot oh now do the wives look at you struggling to pay ping pong and and and instantly anoint walt as the alpha

i say thankfully this was

This was the second time that we played ping pong was on the beach.

So the very first time, I think they did watch us, didn't they?

And I made it.

No, no, no.

They were on the other side of the boat on lounge chairs while we were playing ping pong.

And then we walked around the corner and you walked around the corner.

I'm like, what happened to you?

And you're like, because you look, because I said, it looked like someone dumped

a barrel of water over him, you know, from playing a couple games of ping pong.

Yeah, well,

Walt's probably in a sweatshirt.

Yeah, I had a hoodie on.

Hoodie.

You know, I was so hot that as we were playing, I kept taking off an article of clothing.

And by the time we were close to the end of the game, I was like, I was almost naked.

I was so hot.

People are like, are those guys playing strip ping pong?

What's going on?

Yeah, I rekindled my love for ping pong Q and I, so much so that I...

I want to get a ping pong table in the general store.

Oh, nice.

Oh, is that where it came from?

I heard you talking about it yesterday.

Yeah, and I asked Giddam, I was just like, have you ever played ping pong before?

And he goes, yeah.

And he goes, are you good at it?

He goes, no, I'm terrible.

And I was like, Fuck, forget it then.

Because if I don't have anybody to play, he could get better.

No, he has no ambidextrous skills.

Okay.

None whatsoever.

Like, I'm surprised he can find

his hands

from the fork to the plate to his mouth without missing.

Oh, there's plenty of evidence that he makes that trip every time.

You know, we played many games while we were on the cruise.

And I got to tell you, I was very impressed at how great Walt is at pretty much everything.

Oh, like shuffleboard.

There we go.

Here it is.

This is what I was telling you about.

This is why I go on vacation with the guy.

You're not going to get real stories from him.

No, it's the truth.

I mean, it's the truth.

I tried as hard as I could to beat him at ping pong.

I didn't beat him once.

Shuffleboard, we played shuffleboard.

He was, but I will say, when we played shuffleboard, the problem with him was he just berated me from everyone.

That's where I lost my hand hook.

I was a ping-pong shuffleboard.

So much so that back at the cabin, our wife was going, like, what are you going to do tomorrow?

And I was like, I don't know.

Maybe we'll go to Johnny Rockets.

We'll go here.

And then maybe Frank wants to play ping-pong game.

My wife goes, you should let him win one game.

Oh, no.

Oh,

you are the alpha.

I was like, why?

Because it makes it, you know, that he has fun.

And I'm just like,

I don't think I would have fun if someone just let me beat them at a game.

I go, that's that's not fun.

It's more fun when you're well on the rest and not on stuff.

She's like, it's more for Mrs.

Fein.

Just do it.

Apparently, Frank couldn't get it up earlier.

If we went away together and you found out that I threw a game we were playing just because I thought you needed it.

I might take it.

I gotta be honest.

I think it's better than just losing all the time.

You're dehydrated from playing ping pong.

And

people are watching there.

But Frank, y'all go, I want to paint a picture.

Like, he was pretty good at ping pong.

Yeah, he is pretty good.

Okay.

I'm playing with you again.

You don't have to give me a compliment.

I'll be playing.

No, no, actually, you know, it was fun.

That's why it was fun playing.

Because it wasn't like playing a game or somebody who never played before.

He would score points on you.

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah.

So that's what made it fun and rekindled my love for the game.

Yeah, you got to get one.

Get one.

Okay.

You owe it to yourself.

But again, who am I going to play, though?

But fans will come in and they'll be like, I know how to play.

And then you could just lay out the table and play them.

It'll give them a great experience.

All right.

So you can play it.

And they fold up.

Yes.

So it won't even take too much room.

Green light to get a pen-pong table.

Yeah, and get a good one, too.

Don't just get the cheapest one that they have.

I'm getting the cheapest one.

No, no, no, no, no.

Go mid-tier.

You deserve mid-tier.

All right.

You know, don't get like a play with me.

Don't play that.

I'll play with you.

I'll learn how to play.

I'm not great, but I'll play.

All right.

Be prepared.

You're going to feel bad about yourself afterwards.

For a good day or two afterwards.

No way.

No way, man.

That's not going to get me down.

So you went on the beach.

Did you go out?

Wait, the ping-pong table was on the beach?

Yeah, it was absolutely like a shock to see it.

Just like on this

wonderful, beautiful, paradise-looking

segment of beach.

They had this little tiny

cement block on the ground, and they had a ping-pong table, and you could just play ping-pong.

And they had like a bar, like a nice grass-hut bar where you could go up and get some virgin drinks and your

alcoholic drinks.

Now, did Frank and Bibe?

What's that?

Did Frank imbibe?

Was he a drink?

I don't know.

Did you drink, Frank?

After the ping-pong game, back in the room

by myself?

No, no, i didn't i didn't drink no we had a soda were your cabins nearby each other or apart

well he got off to the wrong foot i mean yeah

the fives are are a little are a little picky they uh

the first room they got oh really

yeah yeah you want to know

by the propellers like what was

the problem

we walked

yeah i wish it was cold that we smelled we walked into the uh to the room and as soon as we walked in, the smell of shit just wafted through the entire canvas.

And then, you know, and

Mary, and at first I noticed it, but then I was like, well, if Mary's not going to say anything, I'm not going to say anything.

I don't buy that for a second.

Well, because I knew what a nightmare it would be to try and change and everything.

But then she walks in.

As soon as she walks in, because she's carrying some of the bags, she's like,

so,

you know i went down and i complained and i'm like you know there's got to be something wrong with the sewage or the bag or whatever so they send somebody down and literally the guy comes in he i'm waiting there like 10 minutes he comes in he sprays lysa on the toilet and on the floor and says all right and i clean the pipes on the outside that should take care of it that was it like i thought i was going to get to switch a room or something like that um So it smelled good for like 10 minutes.

And then after that, it just went back to smelling like sewer and septic again.

So, did you show these rooms?

Yeah, so I ended up having to go back down.

Now, mind you, this is we just got on the cruise, so like Wall and Debbie, they've already been doing whatever they've been doing for the last two hours or so.

And for the first two hours, you were upstairs like dancing with the wives while he was handling the shit.

So, like, for two hours, I'm just dealing with this room.

And

they kept making me reweight in line.

So, like, you know, I went down and I told them how the Lysol didn't take care of it, but I had to wait like in a 20-minute line to tell the person it didn't work.

And long story short, we ended up finally changing rooms, but we weren't, they didn't know if they were going to have a room for us until they started sailing.

So, Mrs.

Mary, Mary, and I just had to kind of sit in the room and not unpack or anything and just wait until 6:30 at night to find out if there was another room for us or not.

When did you guys set sail?

How long were you waiting?

Oh, God, here I'd be waiting four hours.

Yeah, you don't have to wait in the room.

I don't know why they chose to wait in the room.

Anywhere else that you could have waited.

Because I thought they were going to come and check it out again.

I don't know.

You're the customer.

They fucking are supposed to be busting their ass for you, not the other way around.

You tell them I'll be up on the fucking poop deck getting my ass kicked.

And let them come find you.

You don't work for them.

Oh, I wish you were.

I know.

Why didn't he have self-service?

We were sailing with the Grim Reaper.

He was a passenger on the boat.

Yeah, someone died on the first night.

Oh, no.

And it wasn't Frank at the ping-pong table.

This is his dignity.

Humiliation.

Yeah, someone perished on the first night.

What would they die of?

I don't know.

My wife said she saw it on there was a Facebook group about that cruise, and somebody was posting, like, you know, rest in peace to the gentleman who passed away.

They have morgues on the boat.

Yeah, I guess they got it, right?

Because you can't turn around.

No.

Well,

that last Joker's cruise.

Remember, somebody got sick and the...

This interview is over.

Remember, a boat pulled up and carted him away.

I guess

we weren't far enough out to see before the guy, like,

something happened to him.

Yeah.

Seasick?

Like a heart attack or something.

Yeah, something that was his fault and his fault alone.

He's like, I forgot my drama.

I mean, send a boat for me.

Yeah, but we did all the...

This is the first trip or first cruise that I partook in all the

almost all the boating activities, like all the shit.

Really?

Usually I look at him like corny.

But this, this cruise, I felt like I had crossed that threshold where I can do all those things at this age and

not be worried about like how I come across.

I fucking love this.

You don't love this, probably?

This is like

interesting to watch, like, yeah, like Walt let his guard down and be like, all right, maybe it's a little corny, but I'll try it.

But like, shuffleboard is like, that's traditionally an older person's game.

But like, I see, like, I imagine you even at the wreck playing players.

Well, you imagine any kind of sport, like activity.

You can, you can't.

I don't play shuffleboard like an old man.

I play it.

I play it like, like, you know, you don't play it like Frank.

Yeah,

you play it like a Spartan.

He, dude, he was literally yelling at, why can't you just, why can't you put the puck right here?

Right here.

What are you waiting for?

Right here.

And like people are walking by, you know, on the deck.

The homosexuals are arguing on their honeymoon again.

Just

we were playing the wives we were playing the wives oh you were losing to the wives yeah and that that really set the tone for the rest of the trip what is what is what is mary doing is she just like laughing she's like scoring every time she loses no no when you're yelling at her husband she's laughing her ass off you

he he even tried like midway through midway through the game he was like all right everybody switched sides and I'm like, well, wait a minute.

I says, is that part of the game?

We switched sides.

He's like, I'm changing the rules.

We're just switching sides.

And this shocked you.

But we did.

Me and Frank, we were a team.

We got together for all the trivia contests.

Yeah.

So like, and I didn't think that anybody would do these trivia contests on the boat.

I think people are like, they got their, they want to get their alcohol on.

I get their freak on if they're a younger couple.

Who's got time to go sit down and answer corny trivia trivia questions?

That's what they're there for, though.

But damn it, if the place wasn't packed.

And

I think Frank won

the movie score trivia, like Yo Us.

No, we won the TV theme trivia.

It was all of us.

It was a team.

But we won the TV theme trivia, and then we played the movie-themed trivia, but we didn't win on that one.

That guy and his mother did.

Yeah.

And what are the prizes for something like that?

Well,

I thought there was a possibility of cash prizes, but once I got there and I realized how laid back it was, I was like, there's no way they're giving out cash because if they're this laissez-faire with the rules, people are going to have a riot on their hands if somebody's winning $500 and you're not worried about people cheating or using their Google

to find out what the thing was.

So then it really made me go, okay, so I really don't have to

be on top of this.

I think they're just going to be giving away

a plastic whistle or something.

Yeah.

Like a captain's hat, something like that.

It's corny and corny.

And I was right, though.

I think we got extra bingo cards.

We actually played bingo.

Oh, yeah.

Twice.

Yeah.

Now that's a really

giving you cash on that.

Yeah, that was like, there was big payouts on the bingo.

Bingo's good.

Yeah, but it costs you a lot of money to play bingo.

It does.

We did that punishment for Sal on the TV show years ago where we made him play bingo and made him keep incorrectly calling bingo and stopping the name.

And

get pissed.

Oh, fucking blue hairs get

crazy about it.

In my opinion, it was one of the best punishments we ever did.

It was like fucking bananas, how upset those those women got.

When I was a kid,

I lived a block away from a Catholic church and they were big into bingo.

They would play once a week.

Huge hall.

And my friend and I, every once in a while, we would run in and we would walk into the vestibule and just go, bingo.

And everybody would like throw their cards up and shit, because it's back before they had the bar here.

And it got to the point where, like, we got chased.

Like, they chased us down.

This guy, Paul Shanley, I remember, grabbed me.

And he was like, knock it off.

Well, one of the things that I really enjoyed about bingo, because I hate bingo, but

Walt has such a rose-colored glasses look at bingo.

And here's what I mean.

Somebody won, and I obviously we lost.

We were close to winning, and we lost, and somebody else won.

And the normal reaction I think of anybody is when you lose, it's like, fuck that guy, you know.

But Walt's like, I'm so happy that guy won.

You know, he's probably on his last cruise.

He's with his grandkids.

He was an old man.

He's an old guy.

He came up with this whole backstory of the guy.

And then come to find out the guy didn't have bingo.

And then, you know, he made a mistake.

So, like, I started mocking him.

And Walt turns to me and goes, that's why you don't win at the casino because you don't have good karma.

so then afterwards, I went and congratulated everybody that wanted people with me lucky.

How'd that turn your luck around at the tables?

Uh, we won.

The last night we hit the slot machine, we did pretty good.

Yeah, we won a

180 bucks, yeah.

I think overall, I probably was down about a hundred bucks on the in the casino, yeah, before I finally was like, no more.

This is a scam.

You figured it out.

I lost $420 at poker

over the weekend.

How does that sit with you?

How long does that?

Who took it?

Somebody rich?

I don't want to say

Kevin Pollack took my fucking money.

But he took it.

Him and Sam Levinson.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah,

they don't play for fun, those guys.

Yeah, they play to win.

And when they do.

But I played poker for like, I mean, I probably paid four hours one night and three hours the next night.

So it's seven hours of entertainment.

That's not bad.

Yeah, I was listening to everybody joke and talk and stuff like that.

So I kind of,

I don't feel like a, like, like a stung loser.

I don't feel they were making fun of me as I left although they probably were.

Yeah.

We got into Bermuda and we went,

unfortunately for us, bad timing.

It was a national holiday.

So almost everything was closed.

Oh, okay.

It was like Heroes' Day, they call it.

Yeah.

And we were lucky enough to find a place to eat.

but every everything else like all the shops were shut and there was a parade so we how long how far did we fucking walk to to get to watch that parade that never happened it was

which somehow's my fault we we um we walked probably about what 30 minutes in this in the heat it was probably 30 minutes away really long though yeah yeah there was a lot of hills and stuff and when we were at the restaurant we're like so what is there to do in this you know in bermuda and the woman was like well it's heroes day everything's closed, you know, but you could either go to the aquarium, which might be closed, or you can walk two blocks to the parade, which is going on all day.

So then I said, well, I guess our best bet is probably to check out that parade, right?

But it wasn't two blocks.

It was halfway across the island.

And when we got there, we waited and there was no parade.

It never came.

It never came.

But there's people just like set up with tents.

Like they're perfectly fine just sitting there like their whole entire day, just sitting in a beach chair underneath a tent, waiting for a parade to go by.

It was a highway, too.

It wasn't like a little road.

Really?

It was like a major two-lane highway that everybody's just sitting at, waiting for a parade that may or may not come back.

It's so sad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it was so far we actually had to take a taxi back.

Yeah, it was pretty hot, too.

Yeah.

Did you guys like, did you rent like little

golf cart or something?

Like when Q and I went to Key West last time, he rented a golf cart.

And it made all the difference in the world.

He should have.

Yeah.

He should have done that.

I didn't see any golf carts for rent, though.

Oh, yeah, we have

to do it.

Yeah, electric cars.

But the wives are like, no, we don't want to do that.

They're all like.

Oh, it's a game changer.

Yeah, we got to go on the tourist transit.

We got to take buses.

I'm like, fuck.

Why?

Why?

Why do we have, why must we go on a bus?

Why are you?

Because they're so afraid that we have, since we don't drive on that side of the road and we'll be on the left side in the car,

that we can't handle it neither frank or i are capable of having well they know frank can't

they saw me try and play sports

they were not having it they were just so reluctant to have us go in and rent a car and drive around the island they wanted to take the buses and you didn't you couldn't what what would what do you think would have happened if you

just made a firm decision like no i'm going to get it as a car

uh i would have got the eyes right but and i would have got i was like you know what do i got four four days left on this cruise?

Let's take the bus.

Let's get a local flavor.

I was just being honest.

I don't need what if you got it and it went great and like you loved it.

Yeah, that could happen.

But what's more likely to happen?

I forget I'm on the wrong side of the road.

Look at these idiots.

I don't know where I'm going.

I take us to the bad part of Bermuda.

We get rolled.

We don't make it back to the boat.

We have no IDs, no money.

I mean, I guess I never considered any of that the worst case scenario.

Oh, the worst case scenario is all I hear.

So

I heard it from my mother.

I hear it from my wife.

So it's like,

I've been, you know, I've been trained on the worst case scenario.

You know what?

That's interesting.

You should say that because you do, like, you're like, I don't want to

not look forward to something, but not count on something.

All right.

Like, you've always been like that.

That's interesting

to say that your mom was like that.

Like,

prepare for worst cases.

Oh, yeah.

She was like, if you go on the beach, you might drown.

Even though you're not in the water, you might be too close to the water.

You might fall in and drown.

You could fall in.

Yeah.

Wow.

But maybe that'll change, Walt.

I mean, like, look at all you've been doing lately.

Like,

I mean, think of the big life changes.

New job.

Yeah.

New office.

New office.

New best friend, Frank, and you running around the world together.

These are huge changes for you.

They are.

Yeah.

We had a good time.

Yeah.

Yeah, not much really happened, right, Frank?

I mean, other,

I mean, there was no real like

cluster fox or like amazing stories to tell.

It was just kind of real quiet and serene.

Sorry about that.

No, yeah, it was just a regular old

normal vacation.

We saw a magician.

The magician, I thought, was pretty good.

I thought it was really good, and then at the end of it, Walt was like, You've been on the ship too long.

He goes, You're getting loopy.

Magician sucked.

You're like, Yeah, I guess he was.

I mean,

because you can't figure out like how a trick was pulled off.

I could see immediately how he pulled it off.

Yeah, and I told Frank, and I guess it was like telling a kid there was no Santa Claus because there's a hole.

I thought he thought it was magic.

Madeline, go watch TV.

Go watch TV.

Go watch the YouTube.

Go watch the.

Yeah, go ahead.

The YouTube?

How much scotch can you give a four-year-old when they're falling?

So it was a lot of fun.

Oh, God.

I definitely think we got to do something again.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Plan next year's trip, Frank.

Let me know what it's going to be.

And it's funny because Walt's daughter came, obviously.

And all I could think of was this poor girl.

You know, here she is on a family trip with her family.

family, and then she looks across the table, and there I am again.

Oh, wait, Alicia went with you, yeah.

Oh, I didn't know, I didn't know you brought her.

Yeah, she was allowed to gamble too, so we let her gamble a little bit, like gave her some money to gamble.

She did the slots, she did the slots, yeah.

She didn't win, no, it was a, you know, her

youthful, naive enthusiasm was like, I'm gonna put this in, I can win hundreds of dollars.

I'm like, yeah, sure, you are

you're gonna blow my 20 bucks in two seconds.

Here's the worst case scenario.

I pass it to you.

Wow.

So did she have fun?

Did she have different trips anyway?

Yeah, she definitely.

She was just like,

I don't know.

A lot of people

were tired on a trip, it felt like.

I was tired one day, like really super tired, and Alicia was constantly being like, I'm going to go back to the room.

I'm tired.

She doesn't strike me as

into the sun.

No, she did go on the beach, but then that wiped her out for the whole day, like the whole night.

Then she's like, I'm tired from being on the beach.

I don't know.

Yeah, I'm just tired of listening to Berete Frank.

This poor guy.

All they do, and there's, I mean, all they really is do a lot of the time is eat.

I mean, that's the majority of it.

So all you're doing is eating and rusting.

And I personally was sick of the food by day three.

I was like, this food is so bland.

This is coming from an

extra day.

I thought you would go like a 24-hour happy fest.

No, it all tasted the same after a while.

Everything just tasted and had the same texture.

It was just like,

I couldn't wait to get back into

some good old, you know, franchise food.

Well, we went to Johnny Rockets twice.

Yeah, that was good.

That's on the boat.

Yeah, there's a Johnny Rockets on the boat.

You got to make reservations to get in, you could just pop in.

No, you just pop in.

Oh, man, that's free.

No, it's not free.

It's an extra $12 per person.

But you can eat all you want, though.

Okay.

Yeah, you can order, like, if I want 17 hamburgers, I got to give it to you if you paid your 12 bucks.

You're going to wimpy over here.

Did you have any ideas, Frank, for next year's trip or is it still too hot on the heels of this past one?

Well, you know what I'd like us all to do, and I keep bringing this up and I'm getting shot down by everybody, is to rent like an RV type deal.

and drive down to like Key West or drive down to someplace in Florida and stopping all along the way at different little attractions and stuff.

I think that would be a lot of fun.

Everybody shot you down.

Well, it seems like I'm getting shot down a lot.

I think he thinks getting shot down is if everyone is not just like doing fucking jumping jacks that that suggests sort of like, yeah, okay, maybe.

We'll think about it.

He takes that as getting shot down.

Because people have been like, people have now been exposed to what Frank finds interesting on the roadside.

So

they may not necessarily agree.

Yeah, I agree with it.

I like it.

I know you do.

I like his interests.

His interests are mine interests.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was it.

That was it, huh?

Sounds funny.

Yeah, sounds like a good time.

Sounds like a good time.

Yeah, it was a good time.

Yeah, I was really wishing Sage had stayed back, and that way I could have

put away.

Poor Sage.

Next year.

Next year, man.

You love QS.

You'd be in on the RV idea.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So there you go, Frank.

If you include Brian, you got a vote in.

Well, yeah, he's included.

Absolutely, he's included.

All right.

So there you go.

So we're done.

Yeah, I would be down for that.

What's the next one?

I mean, I wouldn't take the RV, but I would fly down to meet you guys.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love Key West.

You know that.

That's my magic place, right?

That's my magic place.

We're going again in August.

In August.

So I'd love to go down with you guys.

All right.

Look, Key West.

Get fucking hammered.

Yeah, we'll get all fucked up.

Yeah.

Start yelling at the wives.

Be like, we're renting a a golf cart, you bitches.

All right, buddy.

Well,

we'll talk to you soon.

Glad that

the trip is talking to you, Frank.

Yeah, nice talking to you guys, too.

Man, what are you doing?

See you later, Frank.

Thank you, guys.

See you later.

See you later, buddy.

Bye.

What a great friendship for you that's grown out of this show.

Yeah, right?

Yeah, it's really nice.

I mean, I got too many friends now.

What do you got?

How many?

Fuck, man.

I got so many.

It's just like, you know, it's like I got to juggle them all.

It's like, it's almost like

high school.

Some get jealous.

A lot of people.

Oh, really?

Who's getting jealous?

You saw you're going.

You know, Jeff was like, you went on another trip with Frank?

He really?

Oh, no.

He's a little,

his nose is out of place.

I was just like, why?

What's wrong?

I go, what do you go?

You're still my number one.

Just get him hear that and be like, what do you mean he's your number one?

That's what I say.

It's like it's political, it's almost like politics, office politics out there.

Having friends is hard.

It's like all those years I only had like one or two.

It's like, it was fucking easy.

I'm wondering what I'm going to face.

We're going up to Connecticut, and I assume I'm going to ride with Walt, and there's going to be, Frank's going to be involved.

I don't want him getting jealous.

I've spent a little time with Walt.

When are you going to Connecticut?

Next week.

Early July, yep.

Oh, for what?

Where are we going for?

We're going to see a Monster Museum for

a show we do on a Patreon called Bro Side Attractions.

Oh, how cool is that, man?

Yeah, and then we're going to hit a soda factory while we're out there.

Oh, and you make your own soda.

Yeah.

We're going to make a TSD blend.

Oh, I like it.

Yeah.

Didn't save my beer company, but it might help you out.

Yeah, what's going on with that?

Oh,

it's in permanent hibernation.

Well, not permanent, but it's in hibernation.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah,

it just couldn't survive the pandemic, man.

It was like

it couldn't survive the pandemic, and then also couldn't survive the uncertainty of the TV show around when Joe left because I was like, I don't even know if we're going to keep doing this, you know what I mean?

So I was like, I can't keep carrying this thing, and it broke my heart.

But does big beer control the beer industry?

Oh, blame big beer.

It's a fucking scam, dude.

It is, it is.

I mean, like, the bars try and fucking rape you.

The distributors try and rape you.

It's, it's, it is swimming with you.

I work in Hollywood, and the fucking beer business is more cutthroat and i've been fucked over i've been fucked over 20 times like if i ever wrote like these fucking people who complain like publicly about shit if i ever wrote the shit that has happened to me in my career like i would have a hashtag and shit like that i've gotten fucked over the 80 ways to sunday in in the entertainment industry and the fucking beer industry is worse why it's worse that's an indictment on the big beer

worse it it's not even big beer it's the distributors oh yeah they make you sign these abusive contracts, and then and then, like, once you sign the contract, they decide whether they even advertise you at all, or where you go, or if their people even push you.

You got to give away so much free beer to bars just to get them to use your shit.

You're just like, it's like the old days of radio, where like with a payola, yeah, like paying people to play records and shit.

It's not even hidden.

They'll be like, they'll say things like, we'll go, like, there was this bar in Manhattan that was like, no, we'll carry the beer.

But when we started carrying whatever company it was, they're like, they redid our whole tap system for us.

So, what are you going to do for us?

And it's like, whoa, and that was all that was

legal.

No, it's not legal.

And they said, they don't give you fucking

blow the whistle, bro.

Yeah,

that'll fucking do it for me.

That'll help the other places really want to get in debt with me.

And they were all doing it.

They're all doing it.

You just ram everybody out.

They're all Martha Ray, bro.

No, you're the male version of Martha Ray.

Norma Ray.

Norma Ray.

No.

Martha Ray.

Wheelchair.

Dead.

Yeah.

I remember Martha Ray now.

She fucked Mark Harris, right?

She was married to a gay guy a third of her age.

So you went in there all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and you just were fucking beaten down

by the industry.

Yeah, beaten down and taken.

That is fucking shameful.

They should be ashamed of themselves.

They're not at all.

You should take them down now.

No.

What do you got to lose now?

I mean, I still have the trademark and stuff like that.

I'm thinking of

maybe finding

a beer label already, like Ming's buddies or something like that, and just being like, let's just fucking partner and do a label beer where I give them the recipe and they do it under their company.

So, I mean, I haven't given up on it yet, but then everything happened with the TV show and fucking talk about all my attention getting snapped to one place.

And that was, you know, kind of the end of that.

That's a shame, me.

How about you?

We

were talking about it before you got here.

We thought that because we weren't sure why I shut it down, but I'll bet you you could still make

a decent nickel in merchandise.

People love that merchandise.

We do.

We're actually, the website's still active for that.

And

Helen does it now, but

she'll do like four or five orders a week for it, you know, because we still got the stock.

Yeah, it's all right.

I'm not.

at all sad about it because of one i don't think it's the end end of it and then two

you know it's just the new me bro I don't let shit bother me no more.

What am I going to do?

I got to let it go.

That's good.

I noticed that about you.

You're like, you got a duck back, huh?

Yeah, I've made

off water off a duck's back.

Yeah.

How you ever been pushed to that?

Oh, constantly.

Constantly, yeah.

But

I think it started when I had my stroke.

And I think the pandemic really just fundamentally changed so many things about me.

You know,

I feel like I've noticed that about you, that you're much more laid back.

And if knowing you for as long as I have, like, the happiest you've been.

Without it, it's not even close, man.

I'm so happy constantly.

Yeah, it's, it's, it is, it's really nice.

It's just, I think I just grew up

and changed as a person and stopped letting things bother me.

And like, it's what I wanted to do when I got sick and I thought I was in trouble there.

I was like, this is what I wanted.

So, yeah, I've actually been hearing, like, a lot of people tell me it these days, they're like, how the fuck are you the positive one now?

Yeah.

and I'm like, I don't know, because I used to be a, I used to be a dark, angry,

like, fucking kind of motherfucker.

Not a bad guy, but you know, that was kind of the way.

Your outlook was a little bit more cynical.

Yeah, I don't know, I never wanted to hurt anybody or do anything like that.

So it wasn't like I was a prick, but like, yeah, it was just a little more cynical.

And I'm, I'm not now on the opposite.

Damn.

I know.

But I try and hide it on Telum Steve Dave.

Why?

That'll happen with fabulous wealth and fame.

I guess.

Yeah, famous friends, hop novin with Paul Rod.

Brute Texton with Richard Kynes.

I'm so happy.

It just kind of came out of nowhere.

Just, you know, just personal growth.

No, not at all.

Didn't that $100 bill just fall out of my ass?

Just keep it.

Who cares?

I basically made fucking no money the first six years of this TV show.

I don't know where this fabulous wealth is coming from.

But it's interesting, though, that is a very interesting comment.

You're trying to suppress your happiness on Tell him Steve Dave.

Why?

You know, I don't think happiness is rewarded on Tellum Steve Dave from either us or the audience.

I think it's better to.

It's too begrudged.

Yeah, it looks like a sell-out move, I think, when you find some semblance of happiness.

Yeah, I don't know.

But there's also a certain

interesting, though.

Yeah, you think so?

Yeah, that is really just like

that's fascinating that you're like subconsciously you're like you don't want to tell the audience or maybe it's us to how happy you are.

I just,

is it as funny being a happy guy?

I don't get that.

Is that what it all boils down to?

You think that you're, or that people find more

humor in someone not being happy or successful?

I think so.

There's more to make fun of.

There's more to be fun about.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You could lose your edge, you'd think.

Oh, I lost my edge.

I don't think that's in doubt.

I think you've lost your edge, too.

I believe that I have lost.

I think what I think...

Well, look.

Compared to who, though?

To me, like compared to me, say, five years ago.

You were edgier.

Oh, I think so, yeah.

And now

I don't think I have much edge.

And they say it has the rock star.

That's why they only have a finite number of years because they can't be angry,

struggling musicians.

once if they gain some level of success,

they can't sing about the same, they can't just have the same life experiences.

Yeah, but it's also, I think, a thing with this podcast too, is like we've been doing it, what, 11 years now?

I mean, that's a quarter of my life almost.

You know what I mean?

And like, think about, like, everybody at home, like, think about the growth that you do in 10 years.

It's just like, we, just because of our relationship with our audience, have been able to to chart that.

You know what I mean?

So it's like, I don't know, maybe, maybe they don't like this maybe they're like they don't like a happy cue maybe they like the me that was like just bringing up taxes just to piss them off

remember those years

i can bring it up if you want where it's just antagonizing the audience just for laughs but a lot of people like that a lot of people vote it was funny so i don't know but i don't want to do that anymore you know what it's funny i think about

I swear I'm not just saying this, like I think about the Telescope Dave audience a lot.

And I think about how, like,

this is shit I don't want to say on the mic.

Why?

Why?

This is very, this is absolutely fascinating.

I think the listeners are here to get this kind of like

thought process that I don't think anybody would think you're thinking on those kind of much deeper levels than

just rolling in.

Oh, it's definitely deeper than I think most people would have ever imagined that you're, you're suppressing

your happiness on the pod because you think that it's not as funny, it's not as enjoyable, it's not as engaging.

Wow.

I don't think.

See, because like, like you said, you pointed to me, like

starting Telm Steve Dave, and now what it's grown into has led to this a much more richer,

um, fulfilling relationships with other people that I've never had before.

You know, that like just so many different people now I'm interacting with and can honestly call friends now.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah, it's, I wouldn't suppress that, though.

I wouldn't think that that would be like,

I wouldn't be like, oh, I got to lose my edge as being a loner douchebag, like an unlikable cocksucker.

Here I am.

Pay no attention to these two happy boys.

If you need that fix in your life, at least we still got that on the other side of the table.

Think about everything he's been through in 10 years.

I know, exactly.

Like, oh, yeah, you know, married.

The addiction, the anger to marry,

you know, what a daughter she's graduating now.

It's crazy.

Like, you've changed a ton.

Yeah.

And

so much so that it looks like

the crooked house

is going to be a thing of the past.

Whoa.

Did you know this?

I don't know.

People will hate me for this.

I'm moving on.

Moving on up.

Are you buying?

Buying, yeah.

Put in an offer that they accepted.

Holy shit.

What town?

It's Leonardo.

Oh, wow.

That's Quickstop.

It's really close to Quickstop.

It's like

if you want to.

Nooch.

be there every inch of it,

smoke in beers, smoking beers, doing coke.

I'll be hanging outside the store, leaning against the wall.

It's my town again.

Like, who are you?

Call the cops.

There's a guy down there talking about doing Coke to little kids.

He looks happy, though.

Oh, God.

I got to send me that.

How come you didn't send this to me, man?

Well, I didn't want to jump the gun too much because they accepted the offer, but then you got to go.

You guys know you got to go through the appraisal and this and that and all the other bullshit.

So I figured when it was

finally hammered out and actually real.

Oh, this is cool.

Has it got a pool?

Has a pool.

How big is the pool?

It's just like it's probably about maybe a little bit smaller than Q's.

I never saw Q's.

Oh, you never been to Q's?

I've been to Q's house, but I never saw his pool.

Yeah, mine's not big.

It's like 14 by 28, which I know sounds big, but it's not that big.

How big?

Was it as big as my pool in the backyard?

My pool before Sandy?

Probably bigger than that.

It's in Gregory.

That's a huge pool.

Oh, my God.

You know what, though?

This will be plenty of content filler right here.

As I go fucking nuts.

As you go nuts trying to maintain a pool.

Brian Johnson will be a little bit more than that.

There's no one to blame but yourself.

Sage is fucking

chemical vibes.

Her hair is shocking white.

Motherfucker.

I just,

why did we get a fucking pool?

Why do we do this?

Yeah, pools are not easy.

Yeah.

What is it?

Saltwater or chlorine?

Chlorine.

Chlorine.

Okay.

I did think of that afterwards, though.

I was like, I know Q has saltwater, so I think that's probably better, but that's what it is.

That's what you can do.

It's already in there for you.

Yeah, there's like no.

I mean, it might be, I'm not suggesting you do this.

I don't know that salt water is so much better.

Like, I just got it because the pool guy suggested it.

Right.

There is no chemically feeling, which is fucking amazing.

I mean, that's the best part of it.

You feel like that sheen, that, that, like, almost like you could feel the chlorine on your side.

Yeah, yeah, and your hair and your eyes.

It's not like that, which is great.

Um,

but I think it's just a matter of swapping

salt for

maybe something with the filtration system, but I don't, I mean, I don't have expensive equipment.

Like, yeah, you don't have a pool boy?

Well, I I don't call him equipment.

I uh,

you don't have a pool guy?

I have a pool guy.

Oh, okay, then that's why you don't have special and expensive equipment.

But he's like, he does.

No, you pay

over.

I meant to filter.

Oh,

he doesn't have.

He comes fucking comes once a week.

I have a pool, like a retractable pool cover, so there's nothing for him to fucking clean.

He comes, he dips his thing, and he looks at it in the sun to see if the chemicals are right, and he leaves.

And then I got a bill for $75.

It's bullshit, but what are you going to do?

Wow.

That was

the two things that had to be taken into consideration was a pool for Sage,

and

it had to be in Middletown because she wants to go to school with her friends.

Nice.

You want to check both boxes.

Yep, took the two boxes, and then Mary Beth.

I'm just moving there.

I didn't really have a lot to say about.

No.

No.

That's the way it goes.

I mean, she has the floor plan.

She's like, I'm going to put this here and I'll put this there.

Nice deer.

Yep, go ahead.

Nice deer.

Go right ahead.

Nice deer.

Do you have a garage?

Two-car garage, yeah.

Fuck, dude, that's going to be great for the motorcycle.

Motorcycle and the car, yeah.

Yeah.

So

hopefully it'll pan out and work out.

I can't wait to get him a housewarming gift.

It's going to be fun.

Fucking another volcano for a fucking different room.

Yeah, it has

a koi pond, too.

There's koi in it.

Fuck, check that what guys you're gonna have to maintain fish not me that's the first thing i said i was like what is this why oh this is an outside fish thing and the realtor's like oh yeah it's a koi pond and like you go by and all the like the koi are coming up trying to get like the

koi to come with the koi yeah i was like how much can you sell them for because i know they're not cheap so i was like i'm gonna sell them but then marybeth said no to that too damn you're you might be yeah like pool koi

it's a lot of work that's a lot of new responsibilities Live through the winter.

How do you do that?

The guy said that they go down to the bottom and they just freeze.

They go into like hibernation or whatever.

Yeah.

I hope he's right.

You want to check that one out.

That sounds crazy.

That sounds like something like, you know, like, let's get him bullshit that he doesn't know what he's talking about.

Yeah.

And then later you got fucking a bunch of dead koi fish or whatever.

Yeah, you got $5,000 worth of dead koi that you can't get rid of.

So, yeah, we'll see how that goes.

Holy shit.

You know what?

This is amazing.

This is, I think the our audience loves bright really sunny

positive

things are looking on the upswing because i know

because it's all secular right well you think that they grew up with us as well right so the people that have been listening from the beginning and i know it's a lot of them because we have such a great fucking audience like so they've been going through their own changes as well

so maybe you're right maybe they see something reflected back in their own lives

I mean, don't worry.

I mean, it can't last forever.

It'll get shitty again as our health fails.

Yeah.

As we crawl into

our final stages before we leave this.

Yeah, before it's like, I wish I could still play shuffleboard.

I just can't stand that long anymore.

Yeah.

I see

the one guy, like, I mean,

there are old people who are vibrant.

You know, you see them all the time just going out and doing their own thing.

Then you see these old people who are like, you see them every once in a while.

They're like bent at the waist.

Yeah.

And I'm always like, I don't know what I would do if I was that guy.

Like, I don't, I don't think I would leave the house.

Is there a way to avoid that?

I don't know because I don't know what's wrong with you.

I would start doing some yoga while you think you might be going to be that guy.

I think I could be that guy.

Is your spine curving?

I think I got scoliosis.

Oh, no.

You're not going to get into some yoga.

No, no, like, but like you said, like as you get older, you start looking at shit like that.

And you're like, all right, like,

I don't want to be that guy.

I don't want to be the

pre-diabetic guy.

Nobody does, but they allow it.

Like, a lot of people allow it.

And that's the thing.

It's like, it's kind of up to me to allow shit like that or not.

I can feel that.

Like, remember, I got that epidural because my shoulder was fucked up.

That was like two years ago.

I'm starting to feel that coming back a little bit.

Yeah, like if I raise my arm up a little bit, it hurts and shit.

I'm like, God damn it, man.

Fuck it.

Can't all be perfect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's For those of you who like the negativity, there you go.

Yeah.

Hey, you know what?

I'm in pain some of the time.

I'm thinking about these koi.

Like, maybe these koi could be like your squirrels for me.

Like, where I go out and I formed a bond with them and I love feeding them and I talk to them and shit like that.

Maybe.

Maybe these are your guys.

People do that with fish, you're right.

Fuck yeah, of course.

They know your voice.

They ignore me all winter as they're grossing at the bottom of the pond.

Yeah.

You know, we talked about going to Connecticut to see the Monster Museum and stuff, so I'm going to be riding up there with Walt.

And my only fear is that we may get into an argument whether Micro-Model is the softest fabric known to man.

I hope that isn't the case.

What are the dates of this trip just one more time?

Up to Connecticut?

I think 6-7th.

6-7th.

Okay, go ahead.

I'm just going to check my schedule.

I want to see if there's any chance.

Oh, that would be awesome.

There is no chance.

Looking at it right now.

See, here's the intro for the copy, too.

Are people still trying to make plans with you this summer?

As if you aren't booked and busy already?

You're just going to have to tell them to try again in the fall.

You got pool days, pride parades, bachelor parties, and beach vacations waiting for you.

Myundi's has their fucking finger on the pulse.

I didn't go to any pride parades, but the other three,

well,

they're right in there.

Pool day, bachelor party, and beach vacation.

It's a lot, but thankfully Miyundi's wants to help make this summer the most comfortable one.

You'll never forget because when you're living your best life, the last thing you want to worry about is butt sweat.

That's the worst sweat, right?

That's pretty gross.

But is that the worst sweat?

Like, if you had to get, like, if somebody like

that, yeah, like, you're rubber, like you're walking in a crowd of people.

Like, if you have to have some sweat on you, fall into somebody's ass.

Whoa.

No, like, just back up, and you notice on your pants, like, you notice that when

they backed up in this line, maybe you're getting into the movies or something, that you had, a little butt sweat on you.

All over my crotch and shit.

Yeah.

Oh, if they backed up into me.

Oh, it's on my arm?

It's on your hand.

You feel it.

That would be the least.

Yeah, I wouldn't appreciate that.

I wouldn't want that butt sweat on me.

I think you're right.

That's the least desirable.

Sir or ma'am, could you?

I want to tell you about this micro-modal.

Yeah, you have a really sweaty ass.

I'm not sure if you've noticed.

Oh, I wish you were not.

Does the micro-modal

soak up

everything?

Is that why your ass is so fresh?

I don't know.

I mean, it wicks it, I think.

It wicks it.

So the actual garment itself is probably

really,

really in need of being cleaned after you've worn it because it soaks up everything.

You can't get away wearing this two days in a row.

No, no, I think micro-modell has stated they don't need to be cleaned ever, and it's still just really,

really?

And Rosie has

unstated in the copy here, but we're just going to go ahead with that.

Yeah, I love Miyundis.

I wear them all the time, every day.

I don't see why anybody would wear anything else.

Or anything at all.

I'd rather wear nothing.

Nothing or Miyundis.

Or I assume.

I've still never gotten a pair of boxes from them that I can wear.

No?

I thought you meant Commander.

They're on their way.

I got that scarf, though, that they sent, or pajamas, or whatever the fuck.

Pajamas, they got bralets.

They got socks.

They might have a lot of stuff.

Yeah, I remember.

They sent me those bralets.

Yeah, you got a nice bralette

cleavage sweat.

No more.

Oh,

that's a shame though.

I like cleavage sweat.

You don't like cleavage sweat?

No, I don't like really any sweat.

It's kind of a turn off, no matter where it's from.

Oh,

no, you're like certain you like perspiration?

I mean, my own or what, or like

honey's.

I mean, even a honey, I mean, it's still kind of like

you're talking silly.

You're talking to a guy who didn't sweat on a whole cruise wearing a hoodie.

Wearing a hoodie.

You're right.

Yeah, you're a cool kid.

And it had to be at least in the 80s, right?

Oh, hell yeah, yeah.

I think there's something wrong with me because I really don't sweat.

Like, yeah, I mean, I really don't perspire.

That's highly unusual.

Very unusual.

It's always been that way, you know?

Yeah, as long as I'm hungry.

There were times, hey, when we were doing comic book men when, like, hey, what do you want to wear for the season?

And he's like, oh, wear these sweatpants and this heavy sweat, this heavy hoodie.

And I'm like, like can i just wear underwear

because it's so hot because my entire outfit my whole hoodie and my sweatpants are made on micro dowel oh i wasn't aware of that

goddamn special commissioned by uh byundi's

and you don't have to wash those at the end of the day no no i've never watched them since summer

well there's a great offer for any first-time purchasers you get 15 off and for a limited time if you sign up for their free to join meundi's membership you get 25 off your first membership item

uh satisfaction guarantee 100 there's no more than 100 that is it so to get 15 off your first order 25 off your first membership item and 100 satisfaction guarantee just go to meundis.com slash t e s d that's meundis.com slash t e s

d can i make a quick announcement sure uh i'm going to be at the garden state comic book convention july

what 9th and and 10th.

Believe this guy.

Look at him.

We could have got him to go on the Impractical Jogus cruise.

Now he goes on cruises every other week.

He doesn't want to appear in public with us, but he's showing up for fucking cons every other day.

Yeah.

He really has shit.

What does Tom Mum have on him?

That's what I want to know.

Yeah, July 9th and 10th in Morristown, New Jersey.

I think it's a waste of time, though, but I feel obligated to go do it.

Tom Mum's like, why?

I just feel like anybody who wants to come and buy the book or see me can do it for free here.

So I don't know who.

What if you happen to be up there?

If you happen to be there, I'll be there.

They want Giddem to come.

They specifically asked if Gidd could come with me.

Wow.

So Giddem is actually on the list of guests.

Get out.

And he is over the moon.

Of course.

This is like, this is life-changing shit for him.

Yeah.

He showed everybody yesterday that he was on the guest list.

Who?

We had a recording here yesterday.

Jeff was here.

Chris LaDondo is here.

Oh, he's rubbing it right in their face.

He's like, check this out.

And he's showing this monitor.

He's like, look who's on the guest list.

Good for him.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, he made quite the impression on Blue Juice that they wanted him to come back.

Wasn't you thinking?

Is he working for free again?

Well, they said he could sell whatever he wants.

So, like, he could put, like, he has these 8x10s of himself in safety gear, like, wearing all this safety gear.

He signs it safety first.

Get him, steve dave and he sells him for five dollars

safety first

he's a fucking genius

nobody looks to him for safety

they look for to him in shock and awe

yeah but like this is this is a big deal for him because he tells his father and his father is like you know obviously i mean you know his son is now a guest at a convention so you know, there's a little bit of pride going on,

too.

So it's nice, right?

He's like, that's at least two nights he won't be sleeping in a basement with fucking spiders crawling all over him, all over his whips while he's trying to sleep,

nesting in his molars.

What other guests can we expect to see here aside from you and Giddam?

Oh, my God.

I don't know if there's a big

celebrity, quote-unquote, celebrity

guest list on this as the one we were at last time.

I think Gidham was talking about

him.

What story is he telling about himself?

He's in a lake.

Yeah, we were filming something.

Oh, that's what we were filming.

And he was the pyrotechnic guy for a while.

And

I love that picture, though, because I think it says everything about him.

I'm seriously considering putting this on the wall in my house.

Like getting one of the signed photos.

I'll make sure you get one.

Can you?

Yeah, I will frame it.

In your office?

No, in my living room.

What do you want to say?

Safety first?

Oh, yeah.

I want the classic.

No,

2Q, 2Brian, whatever he wants to write.

Safety first.

Get him, Steve Dave.

Oh, yeah.

I'll pay him.

I'll give him an asking price for it.

Five bucks.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but that's my announcement, though.

And then I'm going to see Chicago the next night with my mother-in-law.

Going to see me.

So I got a busy school.

Almost not as busy as Q's, but my calendar is filling up.

That's nice.

I don't know.

I like no dates, nothing to do you just had years of that i know i know but i i i i i stress out when i have too much on my docket yeah yeah

no it's just you and and my wife and my mother-in-law going to see chicago i was going to say that would be odd if deb didn't go they got a massive amount of hits like every other song

yeah every other song is like a hit from the radio i love horn rock

horn-driven rock yeah i do i love horns yeah

i didn't know you were a big brass guy Oh, yeah.

Always been.

It's always like touched a certain point of like in my brain that that music.

Like horns.

Yeah.

Well, what kind of seats did you get?

Tell me to put her on the lawn.

There's no.

We paid quite a bit for these seats.

I can't remember what they were, but they're way more than I thought they would be for

a band of who I don't even know if there's any original members left in this band.

Isn't that weird with these bands now?

It's like they tour as, you know, Chicago, but then you're like, well, I think there's one porn player who's porn.

The original.

I don't even know if the original singers are.

I doubt it, though.

Yeah, like when I saw Dawkins, I'm like, it's Don Dawkin, which, you know, he's the voice, so that's pretty important.

But the other three guys are like, kids.

They look like they're in their early 20s, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't really dig that, but I guess it's all about the name.

And, you know, that's you know, a new band is not going to fucking sell tickets.

So

call yourselves Dawkins and

I could give a little to any Cincinnati Ants.

This is like a pre-sale, I guess, even though the tickets are sale, and it's not my show, but it looks like I'll be performing Nothing But a Good Time with Brett Michaels once again on the Poison tour, the Poison Motley Crew Tour in Cincinnati in mid-July.

Riverfront Stadium?

No, that meant, no.

Yeah, it's a baseball.

It's a baseball station.

Where the Reds play?

Yeah, it's crazy.

So, yeah, so I'll be

so.

Now,

you couldn't commit to more than just one date?

You couldn't go on the tour with them?

Well, I'm going to.

You know, we talked about it a little bit, but no, no, that was it.

I was going to go while I was in New York, but I had that charity thing.

And so I texted him.

I said, hey, I'll fly out to Cincinnati to come see the show because I tried to look at the flights times.

And he was like, you know, he's Brad Michael's the most positive.

Maybe, maybe not.

That's a new.

Oh, dude.

He is

fucking positive.

Positive of positives.

And he was like, oh, we'll go back on stage.

And he's like, we'll end the show with nothing but a good time.

We'll get up and sing.

And like, it's just fucking fucking singing.

Now,

could you swing it and be like, hey, Brett, could you talk to Vince and Tommy?

And maybe I can get to do a number with the crew as well.

What song would you want to do with that?

That would be a weird ask,

I think.

Really?

Yeah, almost like I'm going through him to get to them.

I want to do two.

I'm coming out to all the way Cincinnati.

I want to do two numbers.

Yeah.

Now he's annoyed.

Brett, come on.

Jerk about this.

Talk to Vince.

Tell him I'm going to do.

Tell him I'm going to do

Dr.

Feelgood.

Hey, that's the one I want to do.

All right.

I don't know if they're as positive as Brett, and I really want to associate with positive people.

I can't even believe the crew is out on the road because I saw some videos of Vince Neal.

Yeah.

I'm surprised that he's able to hit those notes at this point because he looked like his voice was shot lately.

I saw him at Barclays a couple of years ago, and it sounded pretty good.

Really?

Okay.

He never really had a great live voice.

He definitely was one of those guys that was

a studio singer because

it's more of the Motley Crew violence you're going for, right?

Yeah, the swagger's still there.

But they were great when I saw them a few years ago.

So I'm excited to see the show, and I'm excited to be a part of the show.

And I'm just letting the ants know that now.

Now, does that

mean that

is this a big party or do you just see Brett fat

a couple hours before the show?

You know, I got to be honest, I don't know what I'm in for.

Really?

Yeah, it's kind of like, it's kind of like,

I'm going to go and I'm going to go find out.

I'm going to go know, as they say, and see what they can do.

But, you know, I thought this.

Tommy Lee broke four ribs.

I thought I read recently that something had happened.

Oh, dude, you might have to step in and drum.

Oh, fuck, man.

I'm going to get limber.

You know what?

You have any drumming experience?

Zero.

Zero.

Zero drumming experience.

Do you think it's something I could pick up?

Between now and Cincinnati?

At all.

Is it too late for me to learn drums?

Never.

Now, do they turn on him?

Like, they're like, hey, Tommy Lee isn't here.

So, like, obviously they have a guest drummer.

Right.

They let Q sit in to drum.

Yeah.

Well, how about they have the guest drummers underneath the stadium playing?

And then Q just pretends he's mine.

I do that drum that goes upside down.

Yeah, Tommy Lee does.

Yeah.

So you get the crowd all pumped up.

Oh, yeah.

You got to wear that.

Who is this guy?

You got to wear that Tommy Lee, like that weird schlong

baseball cup.

Yeah, the cod piece that he wears.

I mean, if I got to do the show must go on, so I guess I got to slap him on.

And then Pamela's backstage, too.

Well, now the show must go on.

The show's definitely going on then.

Just ask Brett Michaels if he can set all that up.

Did you go see Elvis movie?

I am going tonight.

Going tonight?

Yeah, I can't wait.

I've heard a lot of great reviews about that.

I heard a lot of great reviews, reviews, and

one of my managers

never got Elvis his whole life.

And he never got why I was so into it.

He called me after he saw the movie, and he's like, I get it now.

He's like, that movie made me an Elvis fan.

So I'm hearing really good things about him.

To date, what is your favorite Elvis movie?

Well, his movies, I mean...

Not about him, like those biopics.

I know Kurt Russell was a fun one.

Yeah, Kurt Russell one's a fun one.

I mean, how many are there, really?

The Kurt Russell one.

I like when Bruce Campbell played him in Bubba Hotep.

That's probably my favorite.

It's not exactly a direct translation, but.

Didn't Nicholas Cage play him?

Yeah, Cage played him in something.

Yeah.

He was like a whole bunch of Elvis's.

Well, you're thinking of

that Vegas movie he did.

Yeah.

But I think he - yeah, maybe that's what I'm thinking of.

I thought he played Elvis in 2010.

And how much liberty

are you able to give the makers of this movie?

Because as being a huge fan, are you able to give them like

you're like, oh, that's not how it happened.

It's more of a mythology thing, I think.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it said it paints his manager, who was played by Tom Hanks, as like a real scumbag.

Oh, I think he was.

Was he?

I think he's wildly considered a real scumbag.

Yeah.

He took 50%.

Would you fucking imagine?

That's a bit.

All those

megastars got fucking ripped off.

The Beatles got ripped off by.

But Alvis knew.

And he didn't consider getting ripped off.

Really?

He felt that he was his name again?

Colonel Tom Parker.

Yeah, I was going to say he had a colorful name.

They didn't get along towards the end, but it was never because of how much money he took.

He was just like, hey, man, this is the guy that'll do this for me.

And he's a partner, and he did it.

He fucking did it.

So what are you going to do?

I read that

in

Vegas,

the Elvis estate is trying to shut down all the Elvis chapels.

Really?

Yeah,

they don't want them.

Well, there's an official Graceland one, so you think they're just trying to put the other ones out of business?

I don't know.

I mean, I I don't think they are.

If they're trying to run them out of business, yeah, they're saying that they're not going to allow the state, it's not going to allow these Elvis impersonators to make money

doing that.

I think that's probably

the biggest ruling that came down since we recorded, right?

Yeah.

I mean,

the only one I want to talk about.

Almost tomorrow.