#513: Johnny’s Choice

Hey, it's Brian.

If you want to double-dose me this week, go to Who Are These Podcasts where you get your finer podcasts.

I'm on there with my buddy Carl, and we have a lot of fun.

That's all you need to know.

It's going to be fucking fun.

Come on.

On one hand, I mean, fuck, there's so many people I want to fucking smack across the face.

I have a gay cat.

Shitting on the window, shitting on the hood, shitting on the mirrors.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt

and I'm here with Q.

Hello.

Q, do you know the answer to this question?

What did the five fingers say to Chris Rock's face?

What'd they say?

They said slap.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

No, I didn't see it live.

Well, I don't think anybody saw it live in America, right?

Because it was.

Dude, it was the craziest thing.

I was watching

Tournament of Champions, the

cooking competition, and it ended.

And I was flipping through the channels, and I got on the Oscars just as Chris Rock was walking out.

And I was like, oh, I love Chris Rock.

I'll watch.

I'm sure he's going to do something funny.

And then I was like, what the fuck?

So they did show it.

They did air the actual Smash.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They just dropped the sound.

That was the only thing we lost.

Okay.

In case you're wondering what we're talking about, and I can't imagine you are, but it was no funny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Chris Rock's up on stage at the Academy Awards.

He makes a joke at Jada Pinkett Smith's expense.

Will Smith doesn't take kindly to it.

Walks up on stage and people are cheering.

Well, I think they thought it was a bit.

They thought it was a bit.

Yeah.

And all of a sudden,

he backhanded him, didn't he?

I think it was like a hand.

He kind of bit slapped him.

And Chris Rock's face is like, okay.

Chris Rock.

And then he just walked back and sat back down and said,

keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth.

He said it twice.

Yeah.

He goes, it's a G.

Hi Jane joke.

Yeah, Chris Rock, man, talk about a pro, huh?

Like, was able to just keep going after that?

He didn't look steady.

No, I think nobody expected that except for Will Smith.

No.

Maybe not even Jada Pinkett.

What's your initial what was your initial reaction when you heard it?

And how has it changed

like thinking about it a little bit?

Like, have you had a shifting

a little bit.

I think at first I was like,

all right,

is this the way the world just is now that like if you don't like something somebody says, you just go and you fucking smack them.

Isn't that the way it's always been?

We're just getting back to it.

But I mean, that's like, that's assault.

Like he assaulted Chris Rock.

Why was he not

taken out of that fucking venue?

It is crazy that he wasn't taken out.

Like that's fucking

above the law.

I mean, look.

Well, celebrities are above the law.

Are they?

Sure.

Throughout history, you've seen fucking people with money, power, fame get away with shit.

Yeah, but they both have money, power, and fame.

Like, how does that cancel each other out?

Like, I don't know.

I mean, who else but a celebrity could even get that close to the stage, though?

Yeah,

if that was a seat filler,

it's not happening.

I mean, don't get me wrong, like, I,

on some level, loved it.

I was like, oh, fuck yeah, man.

Let's see this shit go down every year.

We like the wrestling aspect.

That's WWE shit right there.

That's Vince McMahon, like, putting on the Oscars.

Yeah, I was like, WrestleMania next week.

Let's go.

Yeah, you know, the problem is, like, I love Chris Rock.

I love him.

So it's

hard for me to get past that.

I don't know, man.

It's such a weird thing.

You could see it from so many.

Like, what did you think?

At first, I thought it was a bit.

And then as I thought about it along, I'm like, okay, well, so he has to agree to get slapped in front of 10 million people on TV.

It can't be a bit then, because what's in it for him?

Like, what's in it?

If it was a bit, like, he certainly I don't think would agree to such a fucking weird bit.

So it had to be legit.

But, you know, on one hand, I mean, fuck, there's so many people I want to fucking smack across the face.

Do you feel this will be the

degree of celebrity?

Yeah, like, has Will Smith paved the road for you to, like, just

I mean, not for me, but

you,

I don't see how, like, but to me, it's the

hypocrisy of the Oscars.

Like, this is what the finest.

You know, these are the arts.

These are like, we got to talk down to everybody and tell everybody how in middle America how fucking wrong they are and how we're elite.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, all the posturing and fucking bullshit supporting the Ukraine.

It's like, oh, thank you for letting me know how much better you are than me.

You got a fucking Ukrainian Ukrainian flag pocket square.

You're a better person.

Yeah,

so all that fucking hypocrisy like being exposed is really nice, though, too, at the end of the day.

Well, what was the hypocrisy?

Like, why?

They just like us?

Yeah, I mean, it's just like, you know, they're ready to throw down, you know, and violence is the answer

for Will Smith.

Yeah, to some

problems, violence is the answer.

Yeah.

I don't think I could recover if I was Chris Rock.

I would feel so emasculated.

Well, I don't know, right?

Because he handled it.

Like, what are you going to do?

Like, what are you going to do?

I don't know.

I don't know.

What you do.

You're going to get into a fixed thing.

I'm going to make another joke at her expense.

That's the only thing I can.

I mean, that's the thing.

Like, to me, and my friend disagrees vehemently, my buddy, but like, I was telling him, like,

that is his wife.

And I'm not saying he should have done it.

He shouldn't have.

But I think that you open yourself up to things like that when you attack people's wives.

Like, I don't think he should have done it.

It wasn't the appropriate response.

But it's like, am I surprised?

Yeah, but like, if it happened in a bar, would I be surprised?

Not at all.

No.

You know?

Because

the whole thing is,

in case you don't know, Jada Pinkersmith has alopecia.

So her baldness is not by choice.

No.

Well, not wearing a wig is by choice, I guess.

But she has a disease, and I guess she's been open about it.

And it is a fucked up joke to make.

That's the thing.

It came out of nowhere, nowhere, and it wasn't really like a dated movie that I'm sure many people are like, what?

Yeah, do you think there was something personal behind it?

Like,

oh, no.

I don't know.

It's so fucking weird.

They have to strip him of his Oscar, right?

No.

No?

Okay, when they start stripping fucking some of the other fucking scumbags that got Oscars, like that fucking Roman Polanski.

They didn't strip Roman Polanski of his Oscar by now?

Nope.

That's crazy.

When they go and take that guy's Oscar,

then I'll be like, okay, but let's wait for Will Smith.

Wait, he's got a long line to wait before he gets his taken away.

Does Harvey have all his?

Yeah, he ordered all the lights down.

There's no fucking way.

There's no way they didn't take them back.

They didn't take them back?

Come on, man.

That's not accurate.

It's fucking 100% accurate.

They couldn't wait to do a press release about how they were going to come back on.

It's got to be.

First off, how do you get him back?

Is he going to give him back?

Oh, well, I don't think they care about the actual award.

Does he have room in his cell for the fucking?

They retconned it and they went back and they gave the Oscar knack to somebody else, or there's just no winner in that category from 1999 or whatever.

That's the way I would do it.

If you were on the Academy, you've got to pull it from Will Smith.

You have to.

Chris Rock was an employee.

No.

What are you talking about?

It was a tap.

I agree with that.

Yeah, but you're talking about fucking child molesters.

You're talking about fucking guys who are.

That's not what I'm talking about.

You're talking about that.

What I'm talking about is an employee of the Oscars, Chris Rock, a past host who is there to perform for the Oscars, is part of the Oscar community.

He's done more for them than Will Smith has.

He hosted the fucking show.

They allowed their employee, Chris Rock, to get slapped on fucking stage and then allowed the person to do it to fucking not only remain in it,

but to accept the highest award in the land.

What?

Like, Chris Rock's your boy.

Chris Rock is your guy.

Well, Chris Rock has a big big suit settlement just waiting on the Academy to, you know, they didn't provide security.

If they did, they didn't do anything.

Right, and they allowed him to stay in the venue.

So I'm sure

he wants to go after the Academy and the venue and whoever else there is.

He's not going to do that.

Probably not.

But the Academy should, look, and I don't necessarily, I'm not...

I'm not judging Will Smith.

You know what I mean?

Like, I think every man has that in them.

If you're going after my fucking wife, like, fuck you.

I get it.

It's not that I don't get it, but you've got to accept the consequences of those actions.

Ted Cruz.

Remember when Trump went after his wife?

Oh, yeah.

He didn't do anything.

What do you think about Ted Cruz?

Well, he didn't get the nominee.

I bet you if he went up and fucking decked Trump,

he'd be the president right now.

Maybe, maybe.

I don't know, man.

You don't think, though, like he

just based on the rules of the fact that Chris Rock, I don't know how do you let him,

how do you ever let him set foot in the academy?

He's Will Smith.

Yeah, but he fucking walked on stage and slapped someone.

It's beyond the pal.

It's insane.

But why they let him stay?

Because Will Smith.

You know why.

Because when you think about it, they're like, we can't remove the guy who's going to be getting best actor.

Then I don't ever want to hear anything about any sort of integrity.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like I don't want to hear it.

Yeah, they kept no more preaching about how Hollywood is

so much superior.

And let let me, let me, I know that, like, like, I know for a fact, if I assaulted someone on the set of Impractical Jokers, Warner Brothers would fire me.

They'd be like, we have a zero tolerance when it comes to

physical assault.

So, now, is Warner Brothers now going to hire

Will Smith to be in their movies?

But what about the policies?

They will hire him.

I'm sure it'll be great for his career as well.

And I want to be clear.

I'm only talking about the rules.

Like, I'm not judging Will Smith.

You're not talking about the man rules.

I'm not talking about the man.

Like, if a guy's fucking talking shit in your wife and you slap him, I have a hard time being anything besides like, hey, man, maybe that guy had it coming.

But the problem is, I love Chris Rock.

I fucking love Chris Rock.

I don't love Jada Pinkett Smith.

And I just felt so bad for Chris Rock because, like, what do you, like, how, like.

He has to even, like, and there's no shame.

There is no shame.

Like, because Will Smith is, what, he's got about 50 pounds on him and at least six inches.

He tried to do that.

As long as Chris Rock just throws his clothes.

He's like catches clay.

It doesn't matter if he gets, if he gets, if he gets a bloody lip or he gets beat up, at least he fucking went down, though, without doing it.

I mean, he really should have just did something.

Well, you think, like, because he took the, he took it.

He did.

But didn't he, he,

if he no-sold that shit.

He didn't act like it hurt him.

No, that's why at first I thought it was fake.

He was like, I just got the shit slapped out of me by Chris.

He didn't even stumble back.

That's why I thought possibly it was fake because there's no, like, there's no stagger back, there's no stepping back.

He just stayed there and didn't react to what

was coming.

So that's why I thought possibly it was staged, but I don't see what would be in it for him.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Or Will Smith, aside from

looking like he's standing up for his wife.

Well, you also, you have to think that's an unstable man.

That is an unstable man.

That's been proven, right?

Yeah, but hold on.

Let me defend the words.

Unable to control his emotions, unable to fucking have any self-discipline.

You could have done it at any point.

You could have did it backstage.

Yeah, but

he wanted the world to see it.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I think he lost his mind in anything.

He fake laugh it.

I think he was like, let me just get through this.

He probably turned to his wife.

She was upset and uncomfortable as, you know, I feel bad for her, too.

And he was like, God knows.

She's the hottest bald chick, though, ever, right?

She's pretty good looking.

Like, it doesn't even matter.

Yeah, Yeah, no, it doesn't matter.

You can laugh that all so easy because you just look at her.

She's a 10 with no hair.

Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that she

probably went through, I think, as bad it is for men to lose their hair, I think it's harder for women.

Oh, that's a good thing.

Right?

So he was there with his wife going through all that, and he knows how upset she was.

And you know, it probably decimated her self-confidence.

It probably made her feel horrible about stuff.

And he held her hand through all that.

And then this fucking guy gets on stage and in front of the world, like starts ripping on your wife.

Like, I get it.

And in that auditorium, you could hear audible laughter.

Yeah.

And it's just like, look, man, do I, what I've recommended, like, even if he had gone up and been and grabbed the mic and been like, yo, fuck, asshole, don't talk about my wife.

Perfectly acceptable, right?

Yeah.

It was the, it was a slap.

And it's just like, even again, I understand the slap, but you got to deal with the consequences.

And the consequences should be, you're fucking out of the academy.

You're out.

And you're waiting for.

What does that mean?

You're out of the academy.

He can't act no more?

No, you could still act, but he can't vote on it.

He can't.

Is there a way that they can ban him from he's out of SAG?

Oh, that would be up to SAG, but

I think that would be overreaching

for what happened.

Yeah.

Like, now you're talking about canceling.

Now he's got to do only Z-list movies now.

Screw the video if anyone.

He's in Bruce Willis territory right now.

If you have a million dollars, I'll do it.

Right?

He has to, like, no more A-list features for him.

Well, I'll tell you what, if you're going to fucking do it, if you're going to get up there and slap that man and fucking stand up for your wife, maybe don't cry for 20 minutes afterwards.

Did he?

Oh, his speech was all.

He just cried his way through it.

Is he crying?

Do you think he would have cried anyway, or do you think he's crying

because he knows that, like, I'm emotionally fucking out of my mind?

I don't think I'll ever be in a world where Denzel Washington pulls me aside to be like, yo, calm the fuck down.

He lives in that world.

I don't know.

He started crying.

Denzel Bradley Cooper.

He wasn't tears of happiness by finally winning the award.

It looked like a breakdown.

I felt, yeah.

He probably was emotionally fucking on the edge anyway before the joke.

Do you think?

I think

there's a lot leading up to that.

Like that was like the final fucking straw.

That was like, and he just took it out on this, you know, this guy.

Poor Chris Rock.

Which is fine if you want to say Chris Rock Rock deserved it.

If you want to say he was standing up for his wife, which is, I think, is a valid point of view, even though I think it's trickier than that.

You must deal with the consequences.

And there is no way the Academy can be like, yes, we will have our employees and performers assaulted on stage and do nothing about it.

That would be the craziest fucking thing in the world.

Well, I'm sure they'll change policy now next year.

Policy, what policy?

Don't slap people that wasn't on the books somewhere?

Well, now there'll probably be security around the stage, so nobody can get up there.

Like, you're saying, I'm a security guard.

I'm standing by the stage.

I'm like, Will Smith is going to go on the stage?

Who the fuck is that?

No way.

Yeah, like, really.

Like, why not, though?

Because he's who?

Because he's Will Smith.

Exactly.

I would be like, he must have a reason to be up there.

He wants to be there.

But Joe Schmo just starts wandering up.

How far did he be?

How close does he get to the stage?

Not even, he can't even smell the stage.

You've got a Billy Club in the neck.

He's like a thousand yards out from the stage.

He's across the street in the fucking Alberger and this.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I get it.

I get it from all sides.

People are oddly mad at Jada Pinkett, and I'm like, why are people upset at her?

I don't know.

People are like, she checked him on.

And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

How would they even know that?

Yeah, I don't know.

It was crazy.

It was.

You know, I don't know anything about those two as celebrities, but after reading about all this,

it's kind of a weird marriage.

Oh, yeah, swinging and shit.

Well,

I've heard that.

I don't want to say that, but just an unorthodox marriage to

believe what I've been reading this morning.

And sometimes when they swing, it doesn't matter who they end up with.

I've read.

What do you mean?

What does that mean?

That Will Smith maybe goes both ways.

Oh, I mean, I assume most people in Hollywood go both ways.

Breaking no news.

I got an exclusive for you right now.

I just fell off the turnip truck.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

I don't know what they're going to do, but

he should have been removed.

And

I don't know who the fuck was in charge of making that call.

That's like, so do we, is he out of here or what?

And somebody, somebody said no.

Keep him.

Let him fight.

To me, that is crazy.

Is it the greatest moment in Oscar history?

No, as far as I'm concerned,

is it the most memorable moment?

Name another moment.

moment.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So that's why the conspiracy theorists think the Oscars were sagging so badly in the ratings that they were like, they came up with this.

Yeah, but you think this is going to boost the ratings?

Like next year, I don't think people are going to be like, I wonder who got smacked this year.

Well, everybody's talking about it.

Sure.

It lit the world on fire, or at least America.

So

if it was staged, and I don't think it was,

brilliant.

Yeah.

You know, you couldn't ask for better, or not better, but you could ask for better publicity, but you can't ask for more people talking about your Oscars ceremony than the one last night.

Maybe people like you and I who had no interest in the Oscars

get interested in the Oscars.

I've never watched the Oscars.

Yeah, so I still won't.

I don't care if they're slapping people next year, if they're like, you know what,

it's a slap fest.

You ever see that squirt where people slap each other?

Sit across from each other.

It's usually some burly Russian guy.

But I understand it.

Yeah, you know, I agree with you.

I totally see your point of view.

It's like, if he says that in any other,

other than the Oscars, he says that at a bar.

He says that.

He says that shit on Staten Island?

Yes.

Yeah.

They'll slap him.

There's fists flying.

You know?

God, but Chris Rock, why did it have to be Chris Rock?

Well, they were saying it's like, you know, how did Gervaise escape not getting slapped of all the shit that he said?

And poor Chris Rock had to be the first guy to get slapped for a joke, a tasteless joke.

Like, have you watched Gervaise's stuff on YouTube?

I've only seen it this morning because people were like, he's the guy that should have got slapped.

And I watched a clip, like a thread about all the things he said.

It was like in one video of all the insults.

Pretty good.

Well written.

Great.

You know, scathing and like biting and just like brutal takedown of the elites and all the pompous Hollywood fucking arrogant douchebags.

Yeah.

Getting it right for you.

me.

What the fuck?

Why do you guys seem to hate Hollywood so much?

What's going on?

What's Hollywood ever done for me?

What's Hollywood ever done for me?

Every show you like.

Stop paying me three times.

One time, even going so far as to say I was dead.

That's how bad they tread they wanted to get out of it.

That's how bad they want to get my money.

Well, did you guys keep up with the dues?

No.

Well, then, what's going on?

Yeah.

We act once every 20 years.

Why do we hate dues?

Oh, speaking of dues,

listen, this Saturday, April 2nd.

Is that it, April 2nd?

April 2nd is the new episode of Impractical Jokers.

Nice.

It is airing across all three Turner networks, TBS, TNT, and True TV, of course, immediately after the NCAA Final Four.

I'm flying down to New Orleans.

I'll be there for the game.

Apparently, it's a big one.

Dukes.

Yeah.

I'll be there for the game.

We're going to be doing a little promo.

And the second the game ends, that goes right into an extra long episode of Impractical Jokers.

Eric Andre's nothing to sneeze at, though.

He's a funny guy.

He's great.

He's a huge fan.

He's a legit one of the biggest fans of the show.

Like,

he was, everybody that we've had on, that we've had on up until now

has been like

huge fans of the show.

Fucking Eric Andre.

I love him.

I do happen to love him.

It was the first time I met him.

Well, I met him at upfronts and stuff.

It's the first time I spent time with him, and I was like, fuck, man, this guy is so nice.

He, I can't remember the name of it, but he did a Joker-esque-type movie.

Did you see it?

Bad Trip.

It's so funny.

I couldn't believe how much I liked it.

Yeah, it's actually the same plot.

We were laughing about that.

It's a road trip.

That's what I said to Mary Beth.

I was like, you must have seen the Jokers movie.

We went.

Well, I think they filmed theirs before.

They filmed theirs first.

Oh, really?

I just got released first.

But yeah, there is a movie where they drive a Crown Vic

from Florida to New York.

And our movie is is a hidden camera movie where we drive a crown vic from New York to Florida.

How crazy is that?

Yeah.

Yeah, it just worked out.

I mean the movies are so wildly different and I'm sure a lot of people would say his movie is way better.

But

yeah, it was pretty crazy.

But it was weird like when Eric was on set like because he does a lot of hidden camera stuff but he doesn't do it like we do it.

And so when he was in,

he was looking at our hidden camera setup and our audio setup and he's like, how the fuck do you guys pull this stuff off?

So we, so our camera guys were were giving him a tour of, and he like FaceTimed his producer and was like showing him all the shit we did.

And I was like, Well, how do you do it?

And then he was telling us the stuff that he does on the Eric Andre show, and it was like weird.

Like, I was learning hidden camera techniques that I had never thought of before, so it was like, I was like, We should have this weird, like, hidden camera symposium where we get together with all the hidden camera shows and do it.

That was a really, it was a really, really strong episode, too.

Yeah, it's like fucking great.

And one bit, do you remember when it first happened?

I'm sorry if I'm babbling a lot today.

It's just been a lot.

It's this week's been like really stressful.

But

the bit, I remember I told you, I'm going to try and start getting weirder things in the show now.

And so there was this bit

that the guys, the guys didn't, they were like, how the fuck?

It's called Boot and Rally.

And it's like,

it's just called Boot and Rally.

I don't want to tell you what it is because I want to, but like, so Sal and Murray were like, but it's not going to work.

And I'm like, no, fucking trust me, it'll work.

And the network said, no, they're like, you guys are not going to shoot this.

We don't even see how it's funny.

And

to my boy's credit, they were like, well, we don't get it, but we'll do it because Brian likes it.

And that's exactly what I was talking about that day.

Like, I'm going to propose some weird shit.

And dude, it came out fucking.

The network is like, this is one of the funniest things you guys ever did.

They actually wanted to switch it to put it in the premiere.

And

so I'm feeling pretty good, man.

You know what I mean?

I don't know.

It's been going really well.

It must be nice When you tell the suits,

you show them.

You show them up.

Yeah, although I got to say, this new version of true that we're dealing with

is

infinitely supportive.

It's been crazy.

We don't lose fights.

Whatever's on air,

it's us.

There's not a lot of interference.

It's going to be pretty interesting.

Yeah, a little.

We'll see.

Well, the people have been nice.

People are nice to us.

Why wouldn't they be?

I don't know.

I'm sure they'll continue to be nice.

I hope so.

You have old guys.

I don't know.

I don't know anymore.

People are so mean.

You've been on Reddit?

I haven't gone on Reddit.

Why are they being like extra?

No, you just said people are so mean.

Oh, I did go on Reddit.

I did.

I saw it being my catwoman thing did not go over well.

I saw that.

A lot of people were like misunderstanding what I meant.

In what way?

Well, I mean, one or two people were like, well, he's talking about her being a femme fatale.

Not that Zoe Kravitz.

If I gave the impression that I think Zoe Kravitz isn't sexy, like, I don't know how I did.

I said she looks like a million bucks, but like, I'm not saying that Zoe Kravitz isn't incredibly sexy.

I mean, the take on Catwoman

wasn't a femme fatale, which is what one of the people on the board were like, if Quinn had just said femme fatale, he wouldn't have fucking elicited such an angry response from some people.

So that's, yeah, that is what I meant.

I just, I guess I just meant that.

But yeah, I dipped into Reddit.

I saw people were kind of being a little mean to me.

So you dipped on out.

Stop that, people.

There's no need to be in the middle.

It could be in the middle of the day.

I have feelings.

I have feelings.

I'm in a stressful time in my life.

I don't know.

I got a call the other day from the school.

Sage was sick.

They wanted me to come pick her up, and I'm talking to the school nurse.

And I'm like, well, what's wrong with her?

And she's like, well, she says, like, you know, after she ate lunch, she, she felt like, she feels like she has pizza near her heart.

And I'm like, what does that mean?

Heartburn.

And she's like, you know, sometimes like food gets caught in there.

And I gave her some tea to relax the smooth muscles and blah, blah, blah, and all this other shit.

And I said, she's trying to get out of something she doesn't want to do.

And she's like, no, no.

And then it turns like, I'm the asshole.

Like, I'm the uncaring asshole who fucking, I don't know what they expect of people.

Like,

I'm a different case but not everybody has a has a lifestyle where they can just go pick up their fucking kid when they're sick you know

but this this nurse has consistently acted this way like towards us like like I'm a jerk off I don't believe her blah blah blah whatever so we get to the school

and the she's just like you could tell she just has contempt for me the nurse and I said so what's wrong again and she's like oh yeah she's got this peace you know she's got food stuck there and blah blah blah maybe when she gets home.

And I said, is that true, Sage?

And she's like, yeah, like looking at me, but you know, she's playing it up.

I said, all right, if you say so.

So we leave.

And 15 minutes later, I was like, well, you know what?

Me and Rosie are going to Chili's.

Do you want to go to Chili's?

She's like, yeah.

I said, you can go to Chili's if you tell me the truth.

I said, were you sick or were you trying to get out of school?

She's like, trying to get out of school.

I said, so you feel fine?

She goes, yeah.

I had to to reward her for telling me the truth.

Yeah.

But I was like, why do it in front of the nurse?

No, that was the one thing I fucking wish I had done.

But why did she not want to get out of school?

I mean, why did she want to get out of school?

Oh, she hates it.

She hates it.

She hates school.

None of her friends are there anymore.

They all graduated and went on to high school.

So like, this is the year she graduates.

So she'll be in school with them next year.

But

she doesn't like any of the kids she's with.

There's like one girl that she's been going to school with the whole time.

She's like, she's okay.

But for the most part, she

doesn't care for the kids.

So, how do you change that then?

Well, you'll have, you know, wait till the end of school.

You only got a few more months till the end of school.

You think I liked everybody I went to school with?

Yeah.

I thought that was funny, though, that she admitted that she lied and that she fucking put one.

And that's the thing.

I wanted the nurse to know that she put one over on her.

Did you let her know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck it.

Fuck it, dude.

What do I got here?

I don't know.

Another school fucking tutorial.

Oh, Walt, man.

Would you abandon

either of your dogs if you found out they were gay?

Well, it's weird because Socks will take the will try to

will try to what's it called when you when you get on the back of another dog?

Mount mount, yeah.

Socks, who is a female, will try to mount Cooper as some sort of dominant

gesture.

Yeah.

So

they may be bisexual dogs, my dogs, and I'm totally confident.

I'm comfortable with that.

I promote that and

let everybody know I play.

I got a sign on my lawn.

Tell them.

Yeah.

Oh, you know what?

Not only do I have two guard dogs, they're bisexual.

Nice.

But better if one of them came out as trans, fucking then they could really capitalize.

Self-love.

But is there such a thing as gay dogs?

I didn't think so, except on South Park where they're like, gay dog, gay dog.

A North Carolina dog has been abandoned after his owner saw him humping another male pooch and feared he might be gay.

Fezco, which is the name of the dog, was dropped off at the shelter, and the shelter is seeking a foster home and a new family for the 50-pound dog.

The shelter claimed his owners were aghast when they saw Fezco mounting another male dog, a common canine behavior that is not necessarily sexual in nature.

Yeah, I was going to say, I don't think it's about sex.

You know,

these are primal instincts in dogs.

They're doing it for, they're not doing it for pleasure.

I happen to have some experience with this, if you want to hear about it.

I have a gay cat.

Do you do?

Chesse's gay.

And what happens is like he'll, I have a guy and a girl.

I have Benjamin, Brooklyn, and Chesse.

And Chesse will try to mount Benjamin all the time, right?

And I said it to my vet.

I was like, yeah, I know it's like a a dominance thing and and he was like no it's not always that like sometimes the cat's just attracted to I was like wait so I have a gay cat and he's like yeah you might you just have a gay cat and I was like whoa so I have a gay cat but it could it be like prison where it's just like just you know whatever is whatever but the girl cat's right there oh okay yeah all right so he has a choice on who to try him out and uh and it's Benjamin every time and it's like and you're like all right he's gay so I never did occur to me to be like I can't get to give him away yeah I'm I'm like, I just can't leave them alone in the same room because they'll go into like a gay, berserk rage and trying to adventure.

But it doesn't make me love him any less.

How does Benjamin feel about this, though?

Benjamin is so old now that he almost never sees the other cats anyway.

I just have to be careful when

you guys will.

Oh, I would take that dog.

Yeah, that's a friendly-looking dog.

Yeah.

I mean,

do you know the fucking level of ignorant ignorant you have to be to not only fear that your dog is gay, but tell the shelter.

Like, not even just going to be like, yeah, we can't take care of him anymore.

We're moving.

There's any number of reasons you could give.

I'm pretty sure my dog's, this dog is gay.

I don't want to trade him in.

How you guys doing at the gas pump?

Are you feeling it yet?

You know,

I barely go anywhere.

Yeah.

Today, something really weird happened happened at the gas pump.

Never happened before in my entire life.

You know, my entire adult life getting gas.

I go in, and my daughter took my car last night and fucking left it with virtually no gas in the fucking car.

So I'm just praying.

I get to the gas station, and it doesn't, I don't run out of gas.

So I'm sitting there and I tell that, and then I find out I only have $15 in my pocket.

So like, I'm going to get, I'll just fill it up.

Well, I can't fill it up.

I don't think I'll fill it up on 15, but I tell the guy, can you give me $15,

you know, cash?

And he's like, yeah, sure, sure and i'm sitting there waiting in the car and he goes all right you're all set i turn the car on and the fucking the gas didn't go up right like the the

reader the little thing on the and i'm like well either my daughter broke the car

you know or she did something or this guy didn't put any gas on my car and he's telling me that he did

so i was like so i got out of the car and i'm like hey buddy i go he's as he's as he's going into the uh gas station it's just like a really small gas station it shouldn't even be on this little residential road.

I don't know how a gas station is.

Oh, is that his station?

It's in between our house and the car.

Yeah, yeah,

and

he goes, what?

And I go, I don't think you put gas in my car.

And he fucking got so fucking aggressive and defensive that I was like, something weird's going on.

And I was like, well, he goes, I put gas in your car.

I put gas in your car.

And I'm like, well,

I don't see the meter on my car.

It hasn't been raised.

I said, so I don't, either it's broke or you don't put gas in my car.

And he goes, well, I put gas on your car.

And I said, well, give me a receipt then.

And he just storms over and he goes, I'll just put more gas in your car then.

Oh, is that what you'll do?

Oh, really?

I don't know.

He was old, though.

So I wasn't like, I wasn't even like, I wasn't mad.

I was just like, so I'm just looking at him and going,

like, I'm just staring at him because I'm like, what is going on?

And he just looks at me because I'm cold.

He goes, I'm just trying to get in there.

I'm just trying to get in there.

I'm so cold.

You think I'm going to be out here in the cold?

He goes,

I don't give a shit what your career issues are.

I don't know.

It was so weird, and I'm like, I don't know if this old man just fucked up.

So he put in another 15.

He put in more gas, and he goes, all right, you're all set.

And I turn the car on, and this time,

now it's one bar away from being full.

And it probably shouldn't have been full from $15, what the way gas prices are today.

Oh, which means he probably put in the first gas

and it didn't read it, and then he put in more gas and it filled the tank, which means you, my friend, are an asshole.

That poor old guy's so cold he just wants to go inside.

But unless he did, I mean, like, he should have slapped you.

He has to make up for that money at the end of the day.

His account at the end of the day.

So he's just going to fucking give you $15 worth of gas.

I don't know what was going on.

I don't think, yeah, like, I'll go to my grave going something, either he fucked up or he was intentionally being like, okay, this guy probably won't pay attention if I give him $5 worth of gas instead of $15.

I think that's what happened.

He only gave me $5 worth of gas.

And

he didn't maybe anticipate I would look at them at the gauge before driving away.

We should go on the cover.

We should figure this out.

We should put a hidden camera in the car and see if we like seven on your side.

Shame on you.

Yeah.

I mean, that could really go wrong too, though.

I mean, you know, and like, is it against the law, though, to

try to shame somebody like that?

That's all people do.

Shame each other.

I thought that was the currency of the land.

You know what I mean?

Like, set up that kind of elaborate, like, gotcha.

Yeah.

No, why?

You're allowed to have cameras in your car running in a public place.

Yeah, I'm not saying he did it on purpose, but

I thought the response was incredibly over the top for somebody who fucked up.

He could just be like, oh, shit, I fucked up.

Or, no, I'm not giving you more gas because I definitely put more gas in there.

If I'm the gas guy, there's no possible way I'm giving you more.

I'll be like, I don't know what's wrong with your car, but I put like, didn't it, like on the pump, didn't it say 15 bucks?

He said it said five.

And he said, I messed up.

I put five in.

I put five in.

I put five in.

So then he puts another 15 in, though, instead of just putting 10 in.

So I don't know what the fuck was going on.

But it wasn't like, I wasn't fucking Rand Raven.

I was just like, I was just staring at him and he goes, you think I want to be out here in the cold?

You think I want to be out here in the cold?

I'd be like, you think I want to be?

I don't even have a reason.

My starter left me with no gas.

Yeah.

We all got our problems.

I don't even say anything to him because I'm just like, I don't even know what to say to that, you know?

And Cooper's fucking going ballistic, barking at him.

And I'm just like, right in the back of my ear

because he's right behind me.

He's just going like ape shit as the guy is like talking to me through the window.

I don't know.

But when things are like this are weird with gas, yeah, I wonder if there's like some skimming going on, especially when you're paying with cash.

I don't know.

I don't want to make accusations, though.

But he definitely did it.

I brought a list.

Oh, is this

Johnson's?

Johnny's list doesn't really sound that great.

Johnny's choice.

Oh, this is great.

Yeah, so.

Wow.

Look at that.

It's not just one list, it's multiple lists.

Yeah.

Let's see.

How many do I have?

I think I have seven or eight.

Eight.

Nice.

All right.

I like this.

Some better than others, I think.

Now, Q, you feel you're at a disadvantage?

Why?

I've known him since fifth grade.

No, I don't feel him.

1978.

Yeah.

I think I, you know, I think that,

I mean, I've been around 20 years, and I don't know if, you know what I mean?

Yeah, you've probably spent more of that time with him where you probably, you guys also are like completely on the same wavelength.

You guys, if you guys were chicks, you'd have periods together.

I think you'd be a bitch.

Yeah,

I can't take this.

She got a pen I can borrow.

I got you.

Well, you would think so, but you're my best friend.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So it really doesn't matter how long you've known somebody.

No, it's not.

It's about how about

all about getting in their heads.

Yeah, their hearts.

They're like them.

Yeah.

All right.

So this first one is just, this is more something that's happened to me currently.

This isn't really like, I just put this on because of the money.

And you've marked down your answers to this, right?

I haven't marked them down.

Do you want me to mark them down real fast?

No, I mean, yeah, don't show us, of course, but I want to make sure

the answers are put in and there's no discrepancy where you're changing answers.

Okay.

After that guest session, he doesn't trust anybody.

Times are tough.

There's no telling what people will resort to.

Fucking the fuck, man.

Will Smith is out there smacking people.

Now,

how come the Rob Bruce smack didn't get as much play as the fucking

Will Smith fucking slap?

You know, like, how come?

Like, that

just didn't catch the internet's fancy.

I'll tell you what, though, what happened to Rob Bruce when he hit the back of his head?

He was escorted away, and he wasn't allowed back in.

Holy shit, yeah, you're right.

I'm telling you, man, whatever you think of what you, there have to be rules and consequences.

Have to be.

Yeah, he paid a horrible price.

What?

He won.

Not able to see.

Not able to step into the stash.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Okay.

Can you imagine that?

So a winged menace known as a Robin Redbreast.

You knew these birds, right, Q, I'm sure you do.

Sure, of course.

Has been targeting Bry's car, attacking its reflection in the side panel and scratching it up, shitting on the window, shitting on the hood, shitting on the mirrors.

Do I, A, let it go and hope the bird gives up?

B, call animal control and ask if they can catch and release this bird somewhere else.

C, park around the block out of the bird's view.

D, get a car cover.

E, buy rubber snakes to put on the car in an effort to scare the bird off.

Okay, can I ask a question?

Yeah.

Why did you call it Bry's car instead of my car?

I don't know.

I wondered that by the time I got done with this list, I'm like, why do I keep referring to myself in the third person?

It's very weird.

Yeah, there's a lot more Brie's coming your way.

Did you write these?

Hurry up, Mary Penny.

We're going to be there at 3:30.

So there are the options again?

I know.

You have five options as opposed to two.

I know.

Why so many options?

This is a lot.

Because some of them were making me laugh, so I just sort of kept them in there.

So this bird, and this is true, he scratched it.

I came out the other day and he's flying around by the side panel of my car, the rear quarter panel, just hitting it and scratching it.

And I was like, what the fuck?

I don't know.

I don't know if he likes it.

Any food in the car?

Nope, no food in the car.

I think he sees his reflection

because it's shiny and he gets all mad.

Oh, yeah.

But then on top of the bird in there, huh?

He thinks there's a bird inside the car.

There's another bird.

And then he starts, first he shit on the window, and then he shit on the mirrors, and then he shit on the hood today.

I'm pretty sure it's him.

I mean, I can't say for sure.

Well, you probably could get some specimens and get some samples and bring it to a circle.

Do some DNA.

Probably that's the same bird.

Imagine walking in and saying that to a doctor.

In my hand.

Can we determine if these droppings are from the same bird?

I thought this bird has a vendetta against me.

I'll spare no cost.

I need you to

let the whole thing go and hope the bird gives up.

Call animal control and ask if they can catch and release the bird somewhere else.

Park around the block out of the bird's view.

Get a car cover.

Or buy rubber snakes to put on the car in an effort to scare the bird off.

And that's the last option.

That's something my mom would do.

In fact, she has done something like that as we had birds in the backyard and she brought like seven plastic owls.

Oh, yeah.

And she fucking zip-tied them all over my back deck in an effort to scare the birds away by these owls and it did nothing.

It didn't work?

No.

And now we just have this gaudy.

Remember Hollywood from Highland?

Yeah, that's where my back deck looks like with all the bullshit.

With all the bullshit she zip-tied in an effort to scare the birds away.

I don't think you're putting rubber snakes.

I don't think you're going to go.

I mean, if you are, yeah, then you

definitely have too much free time in your hand if

that's your answer.

Now, I've had this happen to me where birds have just birds, you've seen it.

And remember, my car was just like fucking.

Oh, yeah.

And what did I do?

Nothing.

I didn't even watch it.

You didn't do anything at all.

At least I washed it off.

I was c'est la vie.

I was just like, hey, if I'm going to park it out in public, what do I expect?

I think you're going to get a car cover.

Now we were talking about your nice new car, right?

Yeah.

I think you're going to get a car cover.

We're just parking around the corner.

Park it somewhere.

I'm going to go park it somewhere else.

I think animal control, you know, is going to fucking laugh in your face.

I'm going to say you're going to go animal control.

I mean, I'm sorry, just park it in a different area.

Different area?

Yeah.

I disagree.

Okay.

Because

both the cover and the parking in a different area are a lot of extra work.

So to me,

it's either do nothing.

What I think happened is

Sage

probably had,

because she likes spooky dark things, probably had already the snakes

and a Google search.

And they were like, well, I don't have to go to the store for the snakes.

The snakes are right here.

Let me try that first.

You didn't say that, Teddy.

I have snakes.

I know.

But I know his daughter, so I know her, so I'm trying to make some connection.

I'm going to say snakes.

Rubber snakes.

Rubber snakes, just because Sage had them.

That's the most ineffective

option, though.

Well, the most useless and pointless and embarrassingly.

No argument there.

Let me write down the answers now

and try to get out of it.

What one was it?

Rubber snakes.

Yes.

Really?

What?

That wasn't my idea.

It was Mary Beth's.

Well, then, it's not your idea then.

That's not your answer, then.

What do you mean?

This is not your idea.

This is the one I decided on, though, because I was like, should I get a car cover?

Should I just park it around the corner?

But she was the one who said, get rubber snakes.

So Mary Beth told you to write that?

No, she didn't tell me to write it.

I wrote it.

But you agreed with it, though.

I agreed with it and got the rubber snakes.

Oh, you already have it already.

Well, they're on an order from Amazon.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

See, one point.

One point for Q.

Yeah.

And you think that'll work?

I'm hoping.

You fucking asshole.

You think that'll work?

Yeah, that's really what he's saying.

Surely the unspoken.

Dripping with fuck you.

This one has four answers, and then the rest just have two.

The rest just

Brian's taking his nightly stroll through the neighborhood when, through a window, he notices a comely lass changing, changing.

Comely, meaning.

Pretty.

Cute, yeah.

Like, you know, like Jada Pinkett or Zoe Kravitz.

Very sexy.

Do I respect her privacy by putting my head down and moving on?

Linger a bit until after the show is over and then continue my walk.

Bust out a phone and recorder so as to preserve the moment or go back to our house the next day to warn her that her window is visible to people walking by.

Wow.

I'm going to let you go first this time.

So it's either avert your eyes, enjoy the show, record the show, or move on and come back the next day to warn.

Right.

Well, I know you wouldn't take your camera out and record.

And I know you probably wouldn't

enjoy the show because

all she's got to do is glance out the window and see you there with a look on you, like just stopped in the middle of the street, staring at everybody.

There's no way he's going back the next day and be like,

Really?

I saw you naked.

Ma'am.

Oh, I'm glad you have clothes on.

Because yesterday you didn't, and I saw everything.

I mean, look, I'm not complaining.

I'm just saying.

I don't know.

I'm leaning towards that one.

No way.

Does somebody fucking walk up to them and let them know that they could see everything the night before?

But isn't that being a good neighbor?

It's so awkward, man.

It's so awkward.

What's her facial reaction to that?

What if he gets the wrong facial reaction?

Like, horror.

And just like,

get off my property.

I'm going to call the cops.

I just wanted to let you know.

Wait, listen.

Don't shut the door to her.

Or her husband fucking comes out.

Slap.

Oh, so you're the motherfucker that's

watching my wife?

Anything could go wrong here.

Yeah, you're right.

It's a big risk.

Yeah.

I'm still going to go with it, though.

Be the good neighbor?

I think he's going to be the good neighbor.

I think he averts his eyes.

Averts eyes?

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't think he's

like, you know, he's trying to tie his shoe.

Anything he can do to linger there a little bit longer.

I don't think he's doing that, though.

But I think he's just going to put his head down and keep on walking.

All right.

Okay, let's see.

Well, this is exciting.

I don't go back to her house the next day.

All right.

I don't bust out my phone and record it.

I also don't respect her privacy.

Whoa, you linger?

I linger a little bit.

Just a little bit.

Really?

Get you an eye full?

Yep.

And how do you linger?

I mean, I mean, it's peeping Tom.

Yeah, I know it is.

I know it is.

But I've happened into a situation where the peeping Tom is possible.

Like, if I were going out and, like, looking around in people's windows, that's how I think think it's fucked up.

But

the chances are so few.

It's only happened to me once in my life.

Yeah.

I was in the eighth grade, and I remember my friend lived, you know, Chris Hoxie.

You remember him?

He lived in this apartment complex, but it was like a condo rather.

And we were walking through like this common area.

Happened to look through the window, and there's a lady.

Do you remember too how excited they used to get on Comic Book Man?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

There was a

production crew.

Yeah, the production crew would get so excited because we were on the second floor and across the way on Broad Street, there was a lady who had an apartment there.

Now,

I can't really blame these guys because she changed in front of it every day.

Really?

She was naked in front of them every day.

She never put the shades down.

I never saw it.

Oh, yeah, I never saw it either.

But, goddamn, did they get excited about it, right?

Like

a little perk that you get from being up high on the fucking.

I guess.

I'm surprised she didn't.

I've seen the combo men crew.

Like, you would notice if they were staring at you through your window.

I'm surprised that she didn't notice that.

Maybe she did notice and she liked it.

So, what are you tying your shoe, maybe?

And then you're like, oh, oh, man, I got to maybe pull your socks off.

I think I'm answering a text mate.

Walking in place.

I mean, it all depends on how I'm seeing it.

Like, I'm not standing under a street light, so she's going to be like,

crep a night.

I told her,

though, if she sees you.

Oh, God.

I would immediately move.

I couldn't do it.

But I told Mary Beth because, like, she keeps the windows open.

If you ever want to see a show, you can probably stop by any given night.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

And she changes in front of the window and shit, or she, like, goes and gets something, no fucking top on.

Really?

Can I borrow that letter right there, Q, I'm going to keep score on it?

I'll give it back to you, though.

All right.

So, Q, you got one.

Yeah, you got it.

I have nothing.

Oh, right.

Yeah,

I'm 0 for two

and I'm getting nervous.

You thought too highly.

But you know what though?

You thought too highly of me.

No.

Well, yes, definitely, yeah.

But I'm also, it's like, it's like, it's hard to like, that's a mind that not many people can fucking like hone in on and get in sync with.

Yeah.

You know?

Unique.

Yeah, it's the job.

It's like

it's fragmented.

You get in there.

Things all over the place.

It's like a kaleidoscope.

Nothing makes sense.

Up is down.

Brain scan

all the wrong spots light up.

Yes, I'm not too hard on myself yet.

But I'm only down by one.

Yeah, it's not bad.

Okay.

I'm offered the gift of invisibility for an hour at a time.

Gonna take a walk.

I can linger as long as I want.

However, whenever I use it, it shaves a week off my life.

Do I go for it?

Or nope, not worth it.

This is like I can use it once, and then I never have to use it again.

There's no reason not to take it because you don't have to use it.

But if you're ever in a situation where you need to turn invisible for some reason, you have it.

So I think you take it.

Read that again.

I want to use it.

Maybe never use it.

Maybe there's something that, yeah, you're hearing it differently than I heard it.

Yeah, Yeah, okay.

I'm offered the gift of invisibility for an hour at a time.

However, whenever I use it, it shaves a week off my life.

Why did I refer to myself as Brian all these years?

It's really weird.

I'm not sure if I can do it.

Now that you've mentioned it, you didn't write these.

No, you did too.

I did too.

I would never do that.

You'll see as some of the questions coming up, there's no way she wrote them.

So you're saying that you just want the ability to turn invisible.

That's all we're putting into question here.

Not if you ever use it.

Right.

That's a weird question.

To think or maybe.

It's kind of like,

why not just like, will I ever turn myself invisible?

Will I ever take a week off my life?

Yeah, but what if you're in a situation where your life could be saved by turning invisible, in which case it would be worth it?

This is either yes or no.

Yes.

Yeah, I think yes.

You're both right.

I worded it like that because there's nothing to lose.

Nothing to lose if I decided never to use it again.

Yeah.

But would you,

how often would you use the invisible power, though?

I'd probably be dead by next week.

I don't know.

It depends on what for.

There's a time where I thought where, like, when you're young, you're like invisible.

Oh, I go into the girls' locker room, but it's like, I don't think I do that.

You know, where you go into a bank and take money or any number of things.

It's like being invisible

isn't really that handy unless you're going to use it for nefarious purposes.

Oh, and you could use it for good.

Yeah.

You become the best spy that the world has ever known.

Yeah.

You're James Bond, bro.

Fucking honey trap.

Yeah, I mean, I guess if you weren't giving up a week of your life for an hour, might.

Well, for the good of the country, you know, I mean, it's.

What fucking country?

You know,

it's what can I do for my country, you know, at this point, right?

I mean, he's.

Yeah.

I still don't think you should do it.

No.

Who are you saving?

I don't know, a bunch of fucking assholes who wouldn't appreciate it anyway.

Get in right now.

You can get right into that fucking red square.

Maybe take care of Sergeant.

Putin off.

Take care of Putin.

I don't say that.

I don't want to say that.

I don't want a nerve agent smeared on my fucking CSD Studios doorknob.

I don't want poor Giddam fucking melting in front of my eyes.

Yeah, that's a good point.

So these people, they say they're going to send an invisible man.

Let's see.

Two to one, Q.

Two to one.

What's up?

Two to one.

All right.

A brilliant scientist invents two pills.

One will give me the body of Brad Pitt and Fight Club for life,

and the other will lift depression and make me as happy as a person with Down syndrome.

I can only have one.

Which one do I choose?

Shit.

Because I know you wanted that Brad Pitt body for a fight club.

The answers are, is that Brad Pitt?

Or B, is that Corky from Life Was On?

Well, you don't turn.

You don't get.

No, no, no.

I'm as happy as.

See, I know you wanted to be that when you were younger, but as you're older now, you might just value happiness over them abs.

Fuck.

Can't still be miserable, but with fucking sweet abs.

How miserable could you be with sweet abs?

I don't know.

I mean, it's not like Brad Pitt's life was going fucking perfect.

He got divorced.

Yeah, but a lot of people see that as a positive.

It's not due to his abs.

He can't see his kids, all right?

Or like he can, well, not as much as he used to.

A lot of people see that as a positive.

Jalen and Jolie selling French chateaus without telling him his shit.

I mean, I'm sure he's miserable even with those sweet abs.

Yeah, I don't think he has those abs anymore, right?

Probably not right now.

No, that was was like

working out and fucking three days of no water.

Hmm.

I'm going to let you go first.

I don't know.

Because you knew this, that he had

a musted absolute body.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, he wanted to.

I didn't know that.

See, this is good that you shouldn't have mentioned that out loud because that was information that I wasn't privy to.

I'm going to say you're going to take the happiness.

You're going to take the happy pillow.

Because

as much as you wanted those abs, you live with someone with Down syndrome and you see how happy she is all the time.

And man, don't look, that looks sweet.

It does.

Yeah.

So, I mean, I think he's taking the happiness.

But he really wanted those abs.

Yeah, I think

abs can only take you so far.

I mean, it's like

at this stage of his life, though, yeah, it's just like, how often does he even get his shirt off?

I can barely take it.

I can't reach around.

I've been wearing the same shirt for four months.

Did Homer Simpson Moomu?

Yeah.

Oh, dad.

I'm going with Quirky.

Yeah.

All right.

You both underestimate how vain I am.

Oh,

shit.

I feel like having the abs would make me, it wouldn't make me happy, but it would boost.

The happiness.

The happiness.

Yeah.

Oh,

that seems very short-sighted.

I was worried worried about this.

It is.

I was worried about this.

That's somebody that

may actually enjoy his dark moments then.

If he's not willing to fucking give them up,

it wasn't an easy choice.

Yeah.

It was an easy choice to make.

I should have won with abs, I think.

I have to run to the bathroom real quick.

I'm so sorry.

All right.

So the last one was I'm looking like Brad Pitt.

Yeah.

It's a shock.

And you're right.

You're exactly right.

It is short-sighted, but that's what I would do.

Yeah, yeah.

Hopefully,

you could call somebody before you make that decision.

Yeah.

I should powwow with you guys first.

Get a second opinion

on great abs because you might be so happy you might just get them on your own.

Yeah, Mary Beth, you want me to have abs or be the monster that I am?

She's like abs.

Abs are hot.

Shut a mouthful there, sister.

Okay, so next one, number five.

Still two to one, Q.

At some point, we got to differ if I'm going to get back in this.

I know.

Would I rather have nude photos of me put on the internet for all to see?

or eat for free at any restaurant for life.

However,

along along with eating for free, I have to take one punch from Mike Tyson in the head.

One punch every meal?

No, just one punch.

Mike Tyson now, Mike Tyson Young.

Mike Tyson now.

Who is still

fairly formidable?

Now, what era of Bry Johnson is the nude photo from?

I would say it's now.

Like, I would have to go with now.

I can't say, like, oh, when I'm looking my best.

That wouldn't be be right.

I don't think you give a fuck about the nude photo at all.

I don't.

You got that giant Johnson hog.

You get it out there, you show everybody.

You don't care about that.

Does he?

Does he show everybody?

Oh, I don't think he cares about showing it.

I think it's that impressive.

He can't wait.

Oh, I thought you meant he has a history of showing.

No, no, no, no.

No.

So I don't think so.

That's why I can't go near certain schools.

And I don't think.

Just certain schools?

Not all schools?

What school is okay with that?

We still have lower class schools in there.

However,

I've seen when you eat.

Char

is probably the highest.

Char is a legitimate, like, nice steakhouse in Red Bank, right?

But when was the last time you were at char?

Doof.

That probably would have been

my birthday.

So we're talking about really.

Oh, but if you can go for free, that motherfucker is going every night three times a day.

If you can eat a char for free?

You're right.

You're right about that.

You're right about that.

Bring me a bowl of steak for breakfast.

Yeah.

But he's back?

How come Tyson didn't kill that motherfucker?

Why couldn't he have killed him?

You know he can punch harder.

Just get him the bowl.

I don't think you want to get hit by Mike Tyson.

Not at this age.

Not with that beautiful Johnson Hogg.

Yeah,

I think the photos would be a great episode to tell him Steve Dave.

Yeah.

Just like, you know, maybe like an all-time 10-beler as he has to, like, you talk about, you know, the photos being on the internet.

I don't know if they're going to get that many downloads.

Really?

Yeah.

Because you're not on TV anymore.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, don't read too much into it.

I just don't know.

You're going to get the ants, I'm sure, are going to want to check it out.

Some 13%ers, maybe?

I think all that.

Oh, yeah.

I think even the dudes are going to be like,

I've heard so much about this hog.

I've got to check it out.

He doesn't have Brad Pitabs for sure.

He didn't take that pill, did he?

His stomach is covering half of it.

Yeah,

I think you're actually going to love it that

the photos are out there and

you can talk about it and you can crack jokes about it.

Because I don't think you want to get hit by Mike Tyson.

But I think when you look at it,

if you're doing your finances,

if it's like my finances, you realize that like you spend an inordinate amount of money eating out oh yeah and if you got that money back you would never have to well i was gonna say you never have to work again but that'd be silly but yeah that would be awesome to get like to eat out for free or to get all that money back you spend on a year eating out but i don't know mike tyson

It's too hard to take a punch for Mike Tyson.

It's just too hard.

It's just too easy.

Anything could go wrong.

Yeah.

And, you know,

yeah, I'm going to go with internet

internet porn.

Yeah, I think so.

I'd be striking a pose because there's no way I'm letting my tight hit.

I would be afraid it would kill me.

It's just too hard.

Okay, we got three left.

Whoa.

If I win by one.

Three to two.

Anybody's game.

Yeah.

Still anybody's game?

I'm in New York City hanging out with Q.

As we stop at a crosswalk, we notice an out-of-control truck barreling down the street, headed right towards a mother and her baby.

Oof.

Do I A shove Q into the mother and baby carriage, knocking them clear, but Q gets stuck in the undercarriage and is mangled beyond recognition?

Do I run into the street, push the baby and mother to safety, dying a hero's death in the process?

Or, hey, my name's Paul and this shit's between y'all.

Sacrificing me isn't an option.

Yeah.

So we know that.

So we know that's.

That was my joke a little bit.

Yeah,

that's not going to happen.

So it's, are you going to sacrifice yourself for the baby?

What do you think?

I think I'm down by one and I'm not saying a word.

Yeah, but chasing my answers hasn't done you much good.

No, but

I don't want to weigh in and give you any kind of help coming to a conclusion.

Well, I already know what my answer is.

Then lock it in, then.

I'll lock it in, but I don't want I don't I don't wanna I don't wanna

I don't think you

I don't know I think

would he kill himself for for a mother child's wrong context I think you're putting it in phrasing it as kill himself would he would he make the like a a hero's

sacrifice you know I mean fucking

think about all the fucking

good publicity he's going to get for this.

I mean, post-mortem, but like he's going to be remembered as a hero.

And when people Google me, they'll see my pictures, my nude pictures.

Yeah.

It won't be the first thing that comes up on the Google search.

It'll be you sacrifice yourself for that.

Then the nude pictures will be second.

Yeah, it'll be on the Fat Ben.

Exhibitionist saves woman and child.

I do,

I don't think, like, I know the easy joke is just like, fuck them.

You're not doing it, but I know you have it in you to to to do it yeah does he want to go on the record though as being like you know i'd let the baby and mother die this game's based on brutal truth man i know but do you want to say it out loud you can go with so many other different scenarios rather than call yourself out to be like this guy could have said anything yeah

but

I mean, I said I'd doom the human race to 10 years of less life because I don't want to suck an alien dick.

Yeah, you're still getting.

I think that's what really was about all that negative negative feedback.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I think it was.

Nobody commented on that at all.

Everybody has very strong opinions about Batman.

Oh, which, oh, we got to talk about that scene.

Okay.

Fuck, dude.

This is a tough one because I know you would

sacrifice yourself to save a mother and child.

But I don't know if you're going to do it when we're hanging out in Manhattan.

We've still got stuff to do for the rest of the day.

We still got a whole night ahead of us.

This is going to give us a lot to talk about.

He's Paul.

Huh?

He's Paul.

I believe

this is the hardest one so far because I think he would sacrifice himself to save

that baby.

I think he would.

But

not if we're hanging out in Manhattan.

There's too much to do.

I'm going to say Paul.

He's Paul.

He's Paul.

And it's between you all.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why is she in the streets?

She's crossing crossing against the signal.

Yeah.

Stupid bitch.

But it's a tough one, dude.

It's a really tough one.

How many have we got left?

There's this one, then two more.

Okay, so I think I have to wait for a better question for me to go out on a limb.

This is my strategy.

I'm going to go with

your Paul.

And it's between.

I am a walrus baby.

Oh, yeah, you're Paul.

I'm Paul.

I knew that.

I'm not sacrificing myself.

Because if I'm sacrificing myself for this kid,

what about your kid?

What about my kid?

Yeah.

You know?

And what has a baby done that it deserves to live more than me?

And where are we going that night?

Oh, we're going out to get a steak and then we're going to the strip club.

Get to eat for free.

Yeah.

I'm brain damaged, but I get to eat for free.

All right.

So

four to three.

Woof.

Okay.

Stephen King wants to hang out with Bry for the day, talking rioting, horror movies, etc.

The only caveat is that when he dies, he has to spend a week in purgatory listening to the Iceland Comics back catalog of a constant loop.

Or, instead of that, I can choose to pall around with Harvey Weinstein for a week after he gets out of jail.

Do I go to purgatory, hang with Harvey, or decline Stephen King's invite?

There's three options.

Three options for that one.

Wait, why are you hanging out with Harvey Weinstein?

Just

that's the caveat.

Like, Like when I

in order to hang out with Stephen King,

that's what I have to say.

One of two options.

One of two options.

The purgatory?

Purgatory.

Or hang out with Harvey.

Or hanging out with Harvey.

Oof.

I think you hang out with Harvey because

I believe that you would have lots of questions for him.

I don't think you'd be celebrating him, but I think that you could stomach his presence to get some meaty Tell him Steve Dave

tidbits.

Content.

Yeah, that's what I think.

So there's only two options here?

No, there's three.

There's a third one?

Decline his invitation.

So that way I don't do either.

And what you have to do when you die, you spend eternity in purgatory just listening to ISO comics over?

No, just a week.

Just a week.

Just a week.

Oh, fuck, man.

A week is nothing when you have it all of its, you know, the rest of your, there is no time, you know, once we cross over to the other side.

How much time do you have to spend with Harvey?

Hang out with him for a week.

Oh, a week?

Powder around with him for a week instead.

Oh, okay.

I misunderstood.

So you've got to run around.

People are going to see me with them.

Oh, that's no, that's not.

I think you're going to take up Stephen King.

And I sell comics isn't that bad.

Well,

is it that bad?

I haven't listened to it in some time.

And by that I mean ever.

Oh, I thought you were just hanging out with Harvey for a night an entire week.

I don't know.

That's a lot.

Because he doesn't seem like a nice guy.

And how great because this story is.

He doesn't seem like a nice guy.

But

I still think that's a double dip for you.

Because

you may detest Harvey Weinstein.

But the motherfucker's got to have some good stories.

So I still say Harvey.

I say he's going to go hang out with Stephen King.

And like I said,

I mean, a week you can do that, you know, and you just put your buds in, you know, and just walk around purgatory, listening to some fucking high-caliber entertainment from the ISO Comics Boys.

All right.

All right.

There you go.

That's hopeful.

Yeah.

I'm going to take Arby because I think that, like,

he's a monster, yes, but like,

he's probably got some crazy stories.

Well,

you're both wrong.

Whoa, I wouldn't want to hang out with Stephen King.

He's such a fucking liberal, lefty bullshitter that I just wouldn't even

do it.

I just wouldn't want to hang out with him.

I don't want to go to purgatory to listen to Iceland Comics.

I don't want to be seen with Harvey Wanche.

I don't care how many stories I get from him.

Wow.

Wool.

Wow.

So it's going to come down to this.

This is the last one then?

This is the last one.

Holy shit.

We're going to end a tie.

Or, you know, or obviously,

you will take this cue with the correct answer.

Yeah.

Okay.

Brian and Mary Beth have a huge fight, screaming, name-calling, threats.

After the blowout, Mary Beth retires to the bedroom to furiously write in her journal.

When she's finished, she storms out, gets in the car, and drives off.

When Brian goes into the bedroom, he spies Mary Beth's journal, and the lock isn't fastened.

Does he, A, respect her privacy?

No one has any business reading someone else's private thoughts.

Or B, fuck that bitch.

If she's talking shit about me, even to herself, I have every right to know.

I mean, B is the only thing

like a joke.

I mean, but you know what?

For the sake of trying to at least end this in a tie, I'm going to know that everyone deserves their privacy.

Okay.

Even Brian Johnson will respect, especially his wife.

Yeah.

If he doesn't respect his wife's privacy, then that marriage is doomed to fail.

then.

Some might argue that, you know, you got to keep a closer eye.

I know, but that's the biggest, like,

that's the biggest, like, invasion of privacy.

Like, you know,

if a wife can't trust her husband not to look at her journal,

then

there is no fucking foundation to build a healthy, strong marriage on.

I couldn't disagree more.

Really?

Yeah, I don't think that it's a good idea to go poking around and just get them together's journals and stuff.

You're going to see something you don't like.

Yeah.

However,

I don't think.

He's still pissed, probably.

Yeah, you know.

I mean, he hasn't not been pissed since the 80s.

Yeah.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to go with.

He's going to respect that privacy.

It's her fault.

She didn't lock it, is going to be his philosophy.

Yeah, maybe it was a test, though, and that motherfucker is about to fail.

It was like, you know what?

If this marriage is going to last, I'm going to leave it unlocked.

I'm going to leave the house.

And, you know, maybe it's a gotcha.

Like, you know, if you're reading this,

we're over.

You know, like some sort of like, you know, like, she's that poetic.

Like, you know, like, this was a test for you.

Yeah.

My love.

If you're reading this.

If you've opened up and read my journal, then

there is no future.

Yeah, I still think he reads it.

I think you read it.

I say no.

No.

He's not going to read it in an effort to tie it up at four.

But in what world doesn't he read it?

I mean, I'm reading it.

Yeah.

I'm reading it.

I'm

honest.

But, you know, but I mean,

just

to try to get this to a tie, I have to go with, you know, just basically go against what I know

is not the truth.

Johnny's choice.

Here we go.

The truth isn't always what it seems, Waltz.

I wrote that I would not, I would not read it.

And I wouldn't read it because this has happened.

This is based on something.

This really, this happened.

Where she was very upset about something, and I saw her scribbling down in her notebook and shit, and she puts it into her drawer, her bedside drawer.

And I could have went and read it, but I didn't.

What stopped you?

I don't know.

There's something about reading other people's private.

Like, I know that I wouldn't want it done to me.

Does she know you didn't read it?

No.

She doesn't know if I read it.

You didn't fucking throw it in her face?

You're like, I didn't even read your journal.

You didn't throw it in her face.

But how do you get fucking cred then?

Oh, you wouldn't make her listen to this episode.

Now, when she hears it, she's like,

Now you got it.

Wow.

You don't have another one.

We're tied.

Tied.

I don't have another one.

You don't have another one.

Wow.

Oh, no.

For next episode, I'll have to bring in a couple couple more.

A rubber match.

Oh, yeah.

Time breaker.

Yeah.

Wow, that was good.

Yeah, that was good, man.

That was a good one.

Yeah, I had a curveball at the end.

Yeah.

Here, you'd read it, huh?

No, I wouldn't read it.

You said you would.

No, I was just trying to make the episode.

You would read it.

No, I agree with him.

I don't think you should read it.

Oh, God.

I've never gone through a significant other's phone.

Never done it.

Never wanted to?

Oh, I've wanted to.

I've wanted to plenty of times, but I've never done it.

I find that to be a really destructive act.

I got to be honest, I would read it.

It wouldn't even take two seconds.

I would like, you know, I would jump on that bed and fucking read it from page one to the end.

I had so much mistrust in the last relationship, so much bullshit and so much lying.

And I know, like, I hated the way it felt.

And I wouldn't want that to carry over to this relationship relationship where I'm like, well, I better check up on her too.

I mean, you know what, man, you have just

won the hearts of all the listeners because, you know, because you admitted that you wouldn't save a baby.

Right.

Fuck them.

Which kind of made up for that with these fucking Lancelot-like efforts, you know, of, you know, not reading your wife's journal, especially knowing that she was writing some horrible shit, probably.

Right.

Probably about me.

About you.

Yeah.

like,

how many journals does she have?

Like, is she like multiple

volumes?

No, she's not like John Doe or anything.

But she keeps a journal and she writes.

I don't even know she keeps a journal.

No, she doesn't write in it regularly, but like there were times, like this is very early on, like kind of when she first moved in, that there was probably some growing pains.

And she had this little book that she wrote in that she got from Target, I think, just like a regular little notebook.

And I knew where she kept it, but I never looked at it.

It had a lock on it no it didn't have a lock on it oh okay

that was just that was just for effect

the unlocked journey painting the picture

with words and actions or inaction theater of the mind wow

today something came in the mail queue something very strange unusual oh all the way from the faraway land of sweden so whoever sent this to me spent a lot of money wow and i wanted you i I want you to read the scroll that was in there.

That's a legit scroll.

Yeah, it's a legit scroll.

I mean, it kind of hurts that it's on a toilet paper roll, that they kept it rolled around.

Yeah, that shatters the illusion.

But read that aloud.

That's fucking spooky.

Walter, which you don't like.

You know, my wife calls me Walter.

I've noticed it now, and I'm just like...

Really?

I've never noticed how often she calls me Walter, but it doesn't bug me when she does it.

And I don't know if it really bugs me when other people do it.

I just tend to notice it, and I always wonder why, you know, if we're having fun, why you add the ER.

When I called you Walter before you shut me down,

it was, for me, it was like most people call you Walt.

It was more like a respect, I'm close to you.

Like, I'll take the time to say your full name.

Oh, that's good.

But you shut me down.

That was

the way the hugs.

Okay, Walter.

All right, so what I got in my hand is a fucking real parchment.

Yeah, I'll post a picture of it.

Yeah.

It's handwritten.

There's burning.

Yeah.

Singed edges.

This is pretty impressive.

Did you know about this?

No, I'm just seeing it for the first time.

Okay.

We found thee in 1968.

Being me.

You.

Walter, we found thee in 1968 and have since kept thee safe, protected, many evils at bay.

Thee, a beacon of hope, our future savior.

I knew it.

For now, somebody was looking at it.

I'm telling people.

For now, we grant thee the ranketh of Minerval within the order.

Do you know what that means?

I don't know.

No, I never heard of it.

Okay.

With this scroll, follows a precious key.

It will guide thee, protect thee, and unlocketh the blue Mustang.

Your car?

You don't drive a Mustang.

You drive a charger.

Gaze into its eyes

to

wend forward.

And then it says says A, it's signed A Weishopt, and it's got a burned eyeball.

But then this is interesting: the coordinates.

Have you typed those in?

No, I didn't even know what that's what that was.

I was waiting for Giddam to tell me that's it.

Those are coordinates.

That's the numbers north.

That's a number by West.

So this by this.

Okay.

So maybe I'll type that in.

Would I type it into Google?

I guess so, yeah.

I don't have anything.

I'll type it in.

Well, you want to show what I also got some jewelry with it.

Whoa, you got the eyeball.

It's real gold, too.

that doesn't look like real gold to me

real gold

it looks like gold you know it smells like gold smells like gold wow so this just came from sweden nothing else in the box no there was twine like a weird twig like that that um

was tied together to keep the parchment rolled okay document

Whoa,

what's that mean?

This is a drawing of a fish.

There's a secret symbol on the box.

Let me see that.

That's a hand-drawn secret symbol.

Well, you know what?

The fish represents Jesus.

That's the Jesus fish?

I thought so.

All right.

Wow.

So, how do you feel?

Do you feel protected?

I knew something was up.

I knew something was, you know, it was unusual, you know, that

how I,

you know, how I went through whole life never really having any kind of like

pits,

you know, and it now makes all complete sense, you know, that I have been protected since 1968, which I would have been one years old, though.

So it took them a year to find me, so they're pretty good.

Dude,

how fucking odd.

How's those coordinates coming?

It looks like it's for an Avis car rental.

No, wait a second.

Really, the Blue Mustang?

Let's see.

Oh, I'm sure we can put that.

Oh, now it's fucking sending me to Google Maps.

Like, if you put this online, somebody'll somebody will.

Yeah, I'll put it online and we'll see what happens.

Yeah, there's somebody better at it than I am.

So you typed in the numbers and it put you to Google Maps.

So where is the map when you put the coordinates in?

I don't know.

It doesn't say.

It has like...

It looks like an airport.

Airport Plaza?

It's the Denver Airport.

Oh, you know, it's in fucking Denver.

All those weird shit at that Denver airport.

You know, it's like they say that was built by the Illuminati.

All those weird murals.

I wonder if I'm in one of the murals there.

That would be fucked up.

That would be fucking crazy.

I bet you I am.

Why not?

You know?

Why not, you?

Sorry.

So, yeah, so I don't know.

This may come with new responsibilities, guys.

I don't know if I'll be around as much

in the coming year.

I may,

if I

disappear from time to time, I may just be called upon by my new

friends

that may need me and

my talents, whatever those may be.

I don't even know what they need me for.

I'll let you know.

Illuminati, Minerval.

Okay.

Somebody's claiming this is the Illuminati, my friend.

Oh, yeah, I knew that.

Why?

I knew it was Illuminati.

Because the eye and

all the mystery and all the weird shit.

The real gold?

It's definitely real gold.

Minerva.

Why is he such a naysayer?

You didn't get one.

Like, he could tell gold from fucking that distance.

I mean, I could tell fucking fake assholes from that distance.

Oh, yeah.

The guy who's buying fucking elf carcasses can tell gold from fucking 20 feet away.

Just for anybody at home, I'm three feet from Waltz right now.

Yeah, it looks like it's,

I think you're getting taken, bro.

I think these people are going to be asking for money.

Why on earth would they spend so much money to send this box?

Don't forget the real gold either.

It's just a scam.

I think you're getting scammed.

No.

Well, it's all for me is who's.

Of course you think I'm getting scammed because you didn't get a package.

You got

if you got a scroll, you wouldn't call it a scam immediately.

What makes you think I don't have a scroll?

Well, I mean, no scrolls that came to the airport plaza with your name on it.

Yeah.

You got some fucking you got some hoodies and some guitar picks,

but no scrolls.

You know what?

I don't want to take this.

I don't want to take this from you.

I'm excited to.

Look, what this is, is a clever listener.

I like it.

I want to be called Minerva from now on.

Yeah?

I don't even want to be called Walter.

Now you want to be called Minerva.

Minerva.

Minerva.

Minerva?

Yeah, Minerva.

And you want to talk about Batman, though?

Two things I wanted to talk about.

One, super quick.

So

I brought that book over there.

Remember, I was telling you about that book, Pimp?

Yeah.

By Iceberg Slim?

I decided, all right, okay.

So

the oddities and curiosities in bringing people in.

So I figured what we'd do is start, you know how they have libraries where people could just come take a book, give a book?

I'm going to bring these books in.

And people could come and like, they can come and borrow pimp.

And it's my copy, right?

That's the actual one I read.

You'll never get it back.

They got to give it back, though.

I'm going to take it and read it.

And we could write, like, little messages to each other in the books.

Like, we could write, like, aunts could write little thoughts and messages and give them to each other.

And we'll build out like a little library over there.

Like a tiny one, you know, not a lot of it.

You know, promoting reading.

Yeah.

Something that isn't done a lot these days.

Community.

Yeah.

You know, people know they can come in and rent a book.

And like, even if somebody comes in from England, they could take the book, read it on the plane home, and they just got to mail it back.

All right, that's good.

So, this is how many books you brought with you.

Well, just the one today.

Just one, yeah.

As I read them,

I'll probably bring Hitchhiker's God to the galaxy in.

You know, you guys could bring in some books.

Bring in some books?

Yeah.

I know you hate Stephen King now, but you could bring some of these Stephen King's in.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, I thought so.

I thought Giddam would really like it, too.

Yeah.

Because now he's a librarian.

Well, yeah, I guess so.

By default.

So that'll start up, and it's up for rent.

And don't be a dick about it.

I'm sorry, but I'm interrupting, but he's called into question the validity of the Dewey Decimal System.

No.

Yes.

Bedrock of our society.

He said that it's a complete and utter bullshit.

How so?

And what works?

Yeah, it works.

What do you mean?

I don't know.

I'm just talking about

a Minerva.

Spreading Discord.

Yeah, okay, so that's going.

I thought that would be a nice addition to the office.

I'm not at all just trying to get rid of these old books I've lost around the house.

So,

all right, so they released the scene with the Joker.

From the Batman, yes.

And I promised I would go back and re-watch Batman and re-evaluate it.

Did you?

I did not.

Okay.

But

I watched that scene with The Joker, and I got to say, I wish that scene was in the movie.

I like that take on the Joker.

You didn't like it?

I didn't dislike it.

I just felt it would,

it felt so much like another movie.

It was so similar it was painfully similar to like you know Sans of the Lambs or Mindhunter yeah I like that

where do you guys see this scene it's online it's all over the place yeah it's official they didn't it's not like a leak they they put it out okay and but the joker's like he's got he it's like he's got scars like all his back of his head's all puckered and scarred and shit there's like clumps of hair missing yeah he looked like a really i didn't i didn't know i thought they were getting a little too cute with the out of focus the entire fucking time i was like all right come on just let me see what he looks like But I really liked that take on The Joker.

I did.

I liked it a lot.

Okay, yeah, the actor's take.

Yeah,

but I just felt the scene was so similar.

It was painfully, you know, just lifted right from

Sans of the Lambs or something like that.

That's all right, though.

I mean, in that movie, like 30 years old, like, I think we could, like,

we could stand with that and see the joke.

And I like, like, because, like, remember when what's his name?

Jared Leto's Joker came out and everybody was ripping on it.

Yeah, people hated it.

And I said, look, man, it was something different.

Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I didn't think it was a bad take on the Joker.

No.

Right.

So I felt like this was it, too.

Like, this is a cool take on the Joker.

I mean, look, it's not always going to work.

I don't like that take on the Riddler, you know, but for obvious, because I love the Riddler scene.

Why do you think they didn't use it?

Well, the movie was three.

I was fucking.

I mean, you know,

10 more minutes.

Maybe you're right.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

I was going to the bathroom then.

There's so much shit they could have cut out in favor of that scene.

Yeah.

But I liked it.

I liked it.

And I remember I reacted badly when I saw The Joker in the first cut.

I was like, fuck this.

I don't want to see this.

I don't want to see this version of The Joker.

But I ended up eating my words.

Do you think they'll release it at some point with this scene intact, with the whole movie complete?

I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think so, too.

But you didn't like that take on The Joker?

No, it's fine.

Yeah.

I just didn't like the

scene felt so similar to a movie that we had already seen already that it was like they didn't differentiate it enough for me.

Like, it felt so much like Songs of the Lambs that I was like,

I could have lived with it in there.

Obviously, I would have been fine.

I still would have loved the movie.

Yeah.

But it certainly I didn't mind it not being in there.

You know, either way, it would have been.

It worked for me.

The way his fingers were all bloody and shit like that.

I like too that it gives them kind of like this history that we don't know.

Yeah.

That was cool.

I did like that.

Yeah.

Like, did he give the Joker all those fucking scars and shit like that?

Because he's the type of Batman that would.

Yeah,

I thought it was a good interpretation of like much how I like the penguin.

I like that version of the Joker.

I agree.

I'm just missing me with the

Riddler and

Catwoman.

I'm loath to say that all tonight.

You know, I think that maybe I just got to re-watch it and re-evaluate the Catwoman.

You know, I'm beaten down.

Yeah, I was going to say.

I can't take it anymore.

That's all I got.

All right.

That's all I got.

So watch watch Saturday.

Oh, God.

Yeah, please.

Let me suck that dick a little more.

Please.

For the love of God, please.

No, seriously, I do think the show is going to stand on.

I mean, it's the same fucking show.

It's got some additions to it, but it's like, if you liked it before, you're going to like it now.

And that's about the end of that.

So please, please support your old pal BQ.

I never ask you for anything.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.