#508: It’s Curtains For Ya

I can't believe Brian Johnson's blowing me right now

and giving me a sling box.

We don't care that you're the fucking richest man on the planet.

Taste my piss.

Married since 94.

I can't even imagine the incidence where I'm like, bitch, you can't start doing like more.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt.

Hello.

And in the flesh, BQ.

Hello.

You didn't have to do it from home this time.

Yeah, I really don't want to do it from home again.

You got to get out of that house.

Yeah, I missed you guys.

Likewise.

I missed the office.

When's the last time you were here?

November?

Yeah, I don't think.

No, no.

December?

Yeah, probably December.

Yeah, I think December 18th.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Was the last time I was here?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Time.

It's been a while.

He's back.

Got to apologize to some people because the timing's been weird with these episodes, mostly because of the snow and shit.

So, like, this one will actually take two weeks to come out as well.

Oh, really?

And now we're back up.

Well, I mean, it'll be, we're recording this Friday.

It'll go up Saturday.

Oh, so it's been two weeks since the last one.

So it's been two weeks as well.

Wow.

I thought you were going to hold on to this one for two weeks.

I was like, wow, that's.

Let him sweat it out.

No, I think it's more my fault than anything, right?

Like, my, my, because we're just all hands on deck with the show.

First week, yeah.

First week you were too busy.

Second week was the snow, so it was nothing we could do about that.

Yeah.

And then we recorded right away, so there was like that weird lapse.

But anyway, we're back on track now.

We're back on schedule.

I mean, I've heard some rumblings, though.

There's

people who were, you know, pretty upset.

You know, no new episodes for a while.

And even complaining that some of the recent episodes haven't been bangers.

Really?

Say that TSD has lost their fastball.

That's the rumor on the internet.

We're in that season now.

So this will go for a few months.

And then we'll be in a new golden age if people will be like,

let's just bring it this episode.

Let's just show all those doubters that we still got a fastball.

Let's throw out an episode 97 at them, something on that level for this episode.

Is that too much pressure?

What happened in the episode?

Probably wish I knew ahead of time.

Well,

it was just the episode we talked about the pizza dominoes.

Oh,

yeah.

Wow.

I mean, come on.

I'm in.

I'm ready to try.

Someone's got to be crying from laughing so hard by the end of this episode.

Is that too much pressure?

No.

No.

I think we got to get him in here.

Why won't get him up here on Mike anymore?

He's too busy doing stuff around the office.

He's taking his office coach.

He's not wearing his coach outfit, so I doubt that.

I only saw him in it once.

You gave him all those props, right?

And he never wore it again.

Yeah, I didn't want him just to wear it just for my benefit because that's really what it's.

That's cool.

There hasn't been enough traffic, foot traffic at the general store to warrant him wearing it day after day after day.

Sure.

And I want it when the next time he wears it for whatever event it is, you know, I want it to be for pivotal and significant reasons.

Okay.

Fair enough.

Not just the mundane day-to-day

me and him just staring at each other.

And maybe the dogs if they come in.

Wow, we got so much.

Tom Brady, did you talk about that on anything yet?

The retirement?

I thought we talked about it last week.

Did we?

I don't fucking remember.

We talked about that last time.

I don't know whether I'm going to go in and talk about the Super Bowl and Puck Nuts, which is coming up next Tuesday or this coming Tuesday, right?

Yeah, a couple days, the Super Bowl episode of Puck Nuts comes out.

Yeah, two weeks later, people are like, what do they think?

It was only one week.

Did you watch a Super Bowl queue?

I did watch most of the Super Bowl.

Where'd you watch it at?

This home.

Really?

Yeah.

I had a little Super Bowl get-together.

I didn't think that you would.

No, I saw the pictures online.

I don't know if I didn't.

You guys all looked like you're having a comment.

You didn't comment.

Didn't even like it.

I don't want to call it a party, though, because it's not a party.

It looks like a fun crew.

It's not a party.

There is no way, shape, or form that should be considered a party.

It's a gathering?

Well, who was there?

What was the roll call?

Walt, myself, and Gidham.

Yeah.

Sunday Jeff was invited, but had better things to do.

What we should have done, maybe,

is had a Super Bowl party here.

Gidham suggested that.

Yeah.

I just didn't think anybody would want to watch it here, though.

I don't even know if we get regular cable in here, though.

I mean, regular stations

could have watched Pluto

instead of the Super Bowl, but that may have been what we would have been faced with if we had gone through

the dog.

Yeah,

the app.

Oh,

yeah.

yeah, it was uh, you know, I don't really care about football, so it was,

you know, fine.

It was fine.

I didn't really care that much.

I didn't win it.

My whole thing is like, I only enjoy football because it just pisses the guys in the firehouse off when I win the football pool.

And I'm on like a five-year winning streak where I always get something, either the half or the coin, and I didn't get anything this year.

It was such a bummer.

Yeah.

It's a metaphor.

For what?

2022.

Your year is

It's starting good for the whole world.

I mean, like, we're almost at war with Russia.

Nah, no, we're not going to go to war with Russia.

We're not going to warrant it.

Oh, thank God.

Don't worry about it.

Hugh says.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry.

Joker weighs it in

international.

He'll back down.

Everybody will back down.

Okay.

There's no benefit in it anymore.

There's no fun war to be had in war anymore.

When was the last fun war?

I guess, I mean, World War II was pretty fun for everybody, wasn't it?

Yeah, it seemed to have a ball.

No.

Normandy, yeah, that would have been a fucking war.

I don't know.

The movies,

you know, they always seem to be a bad boy.

Don't discount Vietnam.

A fun war.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No.

But I mean, no, not a fun war, but like.

Who would get behind it?

I mean, there's no,

is there going to be, but we just got to stop with the wars, man we just got to get along

i'm with kudo yeah like what what can be gained from war at this point in this day and age

especially evidently russia thinks the ukraine with with russia and the usa like what would

What would be the gain from that?

And where would it happen?

Can you imagine a ground war in America, like if Russian troops came here?

Oh, they're not going to come here.

No, but would we go there, I guess?

We'll send that shit to Staten Island and they'll fucking send those ruskies packing them.

Damn right, man.

We could take that shit.

Shawl in, baby.

But it could be.

But it could be for one of those wars that you're hoping for, one of those old-fashioned wars where it's not like where you're fighting

uniform versus uniform.

You don't think it'll be that?

No, I think it would be that.

Or one of those first wars in a long time where you're not, the enemy is actually in uniform.

Yeah, but we're not getting it.

That's the war I think a lot of people miss, you know, because that's the one that's great for television.

That's got the most casualties.

That's the funny word.

That's the one where, like, you know, you know who the good guys are and the bad guys are.

That's it, right?

That's what makes it fun.

The war for the last couple decades has been, you know, like, is that peasant over there, you know, have a suicide vest on

their t-shirt?

And you don't really know who's the bad guy.

And yeah.

So this could be one of those like throwbacks.

That's what the Russians are always good for, aren't they?

Being the bad guys?

Like, nobody's sticking up for the Russians.

No.

Nor will they ever.

Did they even stick up for China?

That's a weird one.

It's strange, isn't it?

Yeah, that's true.

I think people don't know enough about China.

Maybe that's why they stick up for them.

I don't know.

But we wouldn't have a ground war anyway.

Wasn't it drones and remote control shit at this point?

Like, what is the point?

You can't take down Russia with drones.

You can't?

No.

What?

Why?

This is not going to be like fighting, you know, the Afghani army, where, like, you know, they see a drone and everybody throws throws their gun down and runs back to their

some sort of futuristic bird.

You know, I mean, yeah, the Ruskies would be a far.

I mean, what are they going to do?

Winning is, I don't even know how you define winning against Russia.

I don't know, man.

It's a fucking, what do they want?

They want the Ukraine to be part of them?

Yeah, I guess they want to absorb the Ukraine.

And Ukraine's like, no.

Right.

And in the year 2022, they're still like, but we want it, so we're going to take it.

Like, when the fuck is that going to just stop?

I don't know.

It's weird.

I pay less attention to shit like that than like the Kanye-Pete Davidson war.

Oh,

those are the wars that I pay attention to.

Yeah.

Is it overflowing?

Is there going to be a drone strike on Pete Davidson?

I wouldn't.

The way Kanye's been talking, I wouldn't rule it out.

Yeah.

And a lot of people are turning against him.

Poor Kanye.

Look, man,

I'd have to be team Pete in that one, man.

He's a Staten Island boy.

He's cleaned up his rhetoric about Staten Island lately.

What should he be

trying to sniff around another dude's woman?

Yes.

That's Kanye's property.

I think it's up to her.

But he's still married to her, right?

Well, they're separated.

But are they divorced?

I don't know anything.

But what difference does it make?

It's up to Kim.

That's true.

Sure.

Chosen Pete.

I mean, Kanye seems insane.

Yeah, I mean, the stuff he says and the things he does

are not those of a normal

too hard on him because I don't want a practical joker to end up at a diss track.

Like specifically aimed at you.

Yeah, I was like, I don't need this.

Like, whatever, man, you guys sort it out.

I don't want to be involved.

I was telling Geddem, he had.

A drill track.

Drill rap?

Have you heard about this?

It's a bad thing, right?

Oh, it's like drilling is like, it's like the goal of it appears to be to kill each other.

So they'll wrap.

diss tracks about it.

It's called drill because they're drilling bullets into each other.

Oh, okay.

And

it's like the 90s all over again it's like these people are getting into the game just to diss other people just to kill each other and you're like what the

literally kill yeah like shoot like drive by shoot and kill we should do a little drill potting with ice cell comics oh drill potting

we'll shoot out their tires can't kill them that's a little extreme we're not that hardcore oh

I'm sorry to say you might have to go back to work at the store why

because you know how I buy all my comics digitally now?

Yeah.

They fucked up that Comicsology app so badly, it's unusable.

It's terrible.

And I'm like, I'm going to have to go back to physical comics.

And I was like, oh, wait, Walt doesn't

work there anymore.

How about this?

How about the general store has a little comic book section?

Just one rack.

I fucking like it.

We'll see if Diamond will sell us $45 worth of comics this month.

Somebody's got to be one.

It's $45 American dollars.

Do they have a minimum order?

Yeah, I think they do.

Yeah, I think that there's a minimum order per month that you have to meet to be a...

And I don't even think Diamond carries...

They don't carry DC.

I think

they're barely allowed to carry Marvel at this point.

I don't even know how Diamond's even managing to be on

anything but life support at this point.

Well, somebody's got to come through for me.

What about your Staten Island stores?

You know, I don't really want to go in and talk to people and see people.

I just want to talk to you, bud.

Okay.

So you have to take your old position.

I have a feeling that I would go over that.

Well, if I was like, yeah, I'm going to start working here again.

Well, don't even ask.

Just show up.

Like, that would go over worse than Pete Davidson and

with Kanye.

Yeah, I kind of feel it.

It would be amazing.

I mean.

I wouldn't want it to happen because I would be like, my friend has lost his mind.

But if you just went to the store like it was any other day, just go behind the counter and start working.

Don't listen to anybody when they're like, what are you ordering the mic around?

But you know, it's funny you should say that, though, because

I didn't tell either of you guys.

But yeah, like last week or two weeks ago, I put an application in for a comic book store.

I haven't heard back yet, though.

No.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

I missed it.

You got to be fucking with me.

You put in how many days a week do you want to work?

Whatever.

I would really prefer part-time.

Work like 70 hours a week.

week.

But why don't we just open our own comic book store?

Because I think it would fail miserably.

Oh, really?

I don't think we'd have any.

You don't miss it that much that you want to risk.

Yeah, like I think it would be an absolute catastrophic move to try to turn this into a comic book store.

I mean,

it's barely a general store, a TSD store at this point because we're having so little foot traffic.

To throw comics in there

isn't the

bang, the bam bam that you need to get people in here but yeah I was like I was telling my wife I was just like I'm I kind of miss working in a in the in the world of comics

and I miss more that employee discount that's what's really fucking yeah so I was up there the other day and I saw that you know there's like you like it here you want to work here so I asked the guy for an application I can't believe can you fucking believe that that I didn't get a fucking call back that's weeks later craziest thing can you believe that shit

What does that do for my psyche?

They got to be intimidated by you.

Boy, I miss this guy.

Oh, my God.

Look at the way he sees things.

That's amazing.

You're too good for them.

It's a new me, Walt.

It's the fourth new me on Telemc Davis.

I'm positive again.

Like, we're all going to look like shit while he's around.

I don't think so.

I mean, I wrote down, you know, my

employment history.

Yeah.

Wrote down that I was on a show about comic books for seven years or whatever it was.

How did you describe that?

I wrote down I appeared as a regular cast member for seven seasons on a show devoted to comics called Comic Book Men that aired on AMC.

Okay.

Wow.

Didn't really want to, I didn't want to go too much.

I didn't want to make it sound like I was

bragging.

Yeah.

So I really just kept it at a bare bones minimum of like what I could bring.

And I said, look, I can bring

promotions to

your establishment through my social media

participation

IE slash podcast where I can do promotions to help you move dead product.

Okay.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Do you think

maybe you're overqualified?

Again,

I think you guys are

he's gonna leave in two minutes.

He's gonna like he's gonna afford them.

Right.

He's gonna he's gonna want too much money.

Yeah.

TV guy.

I would if the guy had told me it was minimum wage and I said, well, do I get the employee discount?

Like cost.

I want this stuff at cost and I don't even care what you pay me then.

Or, or you could skip the working part and just tell Sunday Jeff what you want and have him order it through the store.

I feel that would put him in an uncomfortable position.

Oh, would it?

Yeah.

So

I haven't played that card.

Yeah.

So yeah, but can I believe that?

Like after the first week,

day 10, when I didn't get a response, I was just like, this is fucked up.

This is fucked up.

I don't think so.

I think they're intimidated.

I think they're like, what does this guy think we're going to pay him?

If you had written on there, like, happy with minimum wage, like, I'm sure.

I didn't see a spot for that.

On the sheet, you know, it was just basically a one-sheet thing.

How old was the guy you gave it to?

20.

Yeah.

Flat again.

It'd be anywhere.

It was actually a female, but she could have been actually anywhere between 20 and 40.

I can't tell.

I mean, that could be it, too.

Middle-aged, middle.

Yeah, that.

Plus, you're a white guy.

White male.

Nobody wants to.

I hadn't dyed my hair before Gump had taken the application.

Maybe I shouldn't have.

It was like snow white.

Fucking Santa Claus.

I mean,

they would probably stand for a couple of touch-ups, but

I'll bet bet you that's part of it.

Yeah, the demographics don't fit.

You check no boxes on the right side.

Should I sue them then?

I would.

Yeah.

Yeah, I just was kind of just like,

wow.

Not even an interview.

We want to call them right now?

No.

But yeah, it's kind of

deflating.

It puts your ego in check.

You can, you know.

Would you be willing to drive to Staten Island one day a week?

More than one day a week.

Oh, you want to work work?

Dude, how much the fucking bridge costs?

You're going to lose money working there.

It's like 16 bucks to get into Jersey and back.

Yeah, that might eat into my employee's.

I got to work two hours just to fucking make that up, just to get there.

I don't know.

You know, maybe it's just like one of those winter, like, you know, cold weather phases where I was like, I want to do this.

And

I only reached out to one place, so, you know, but it kind of like really was like a smack in the face, though, in terms of like,

you know, you're not the ideal

employee asshole.

I think you know, but you are for telling Steve Dave.

You're not even an employee, you're an employer.

Yeah, yeah.

That's it.

At our age, like, nobody fucking wants us, man.

And I'll tell you what, I don't want them either.

either.

Have you been watching any Olympics?

I watched some of the snowboarding.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And was impressed, but I just can't get into it with the China thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can't get over that.

I can't see past all that, huh?

Why would they do?

Would China do?

Yeah.

What, the pandemic?

Sure.

Not over.

The sniffles.

There's a concentration camp that they're not like two miles away from the thing.

I'm just confused as to why we're there.

Like, what do we do?

Like, why didn't the United States just bow out of it?

And all these corporations that are fucking just dove right in, they're like, fuck it.

Fuck their human rights abuses.

I guess it's the president of China.

Is that what they call him?

Or the premier, maybe?

I don't know.

He said, if there's any thought of America backing out of the Olympics, there will be hell to pay.

Basically threatening America.

Yeah.

And we went anyway.

That would have been fucking the sign for us to be like, all right, we're not coming.

Now what?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's been like, fuck you.

That's what, what happened to America?

Like in the 80s, they

would have been like, fuck you.

Everything is calculated to make sure that you're not criticized on social media.

Yeah.

Every, every move.

Because I do it all the time.

Well, you didn't do it too well over the Super Bowl.

Why?

Because the picture of the selfie of the three of us, your curtain in the background, it took took some hits.

Why?

I don't know.

They said that it looked like a doily.

They said that it was ugly.

Who said that?

Somebody younger.

Like, is it somebody who, is it somebody that we can ban from ever listening?

We're just talking about how people are like, you guys are starting to suck.

I don't think we want to ban people now.

No, it was only like one or two people.

Can I see the curtains?

Most of it, yeah.

And most of it was, did you guys have to stay quiet?

I felt you guys were respective of the noise,

keeping the volume at a respectable.

Yeah,

I don't think we cheered too loudly.

You know, I like the curtains.

I don't see what anybody's talking about.

I didn't see a problem with it either.

Yeah.

I think it was the lighting, too.

You didn't even give me a chance to get the...

brighten the lights up.

You just took a selfie haphazardly.

You didn't even have it like give us a chance to like arrange the curtains in a way that they would reflect the light properly.

Or maybe stand away from the curtains.

Yeah.

You know, get away.

It's a blank wall.

Like, it's a fucking, I think it's a mug shot or something.

Yeah, I was surprised to see.

What happened at the party?

Like,

would you guys order food?

Did you guys...

Walt,

he texted me, asked what I like to drink.

Oh.

And

went over there.

He got some pizza.

There was a warming tray with some pizza rolls and some chicken nuggets and

mozzarella sticks.

Very good mozzarella sticks, I might add.

They're real good.

I don't eat mozzarella sticks, so I'm not sure what a good mozzarella stick is.

I didn't even get to thank the hostess.

Yeah, she didn't, she didn't come out to say hello.

Yeah, did you see also in China there was this lady?

I think, I can't be sure, I can't say with 100% certainty, but I think she was part of the Olympics and she had accused somebody in the high up, higher up in the party, the political communist party or whatever,

that

she tweeted or something that he sexually assaulted her.

There was some kind of shenanigans and shit.

I think it was a tennis player, yeah.

And

she took it all back, though.

Yeah, I guess it never happened.

Wait, what?

Right?

Because

why else would she say it never happened?

Yeah, I mean, she admitted she was lying.

You got to be careful with these.

She admitted that.

Well, I mean, she said that she was lying because

she's going to be killed otherwise.

Yeah, assume that she had to admit that she was lying.

Yeah, I mean, because it was kind of detailed, like everything that went on.

And they're like, then, like, the next day, she's like, oh, yeah, all that stuff I said, it was just a misunderstanding.

They literally said it was a misunderstanding.

But I think everybody sees through

that.

But that's the thing.

But go China, right?

You fucking assholes.

Well, who's saying that?

No, the fucking liberals, man.

Liberals are saying go China.

If you're like, oh, the China flu, they want to string you up all your balls or something as simple as that well i think they're big they're big uh backers of china for some reason well i think the china flu thing was about um oh wait what was the term they were using kung flu kung kung fluy yeah uh was about americans like wasn't about like china it was about like no but it got to a point where you couldn't even call it the chinese flu right because they were saying like that people are like then then walk down the street and see like americans of chinese descent and are like get them i think that's what they were saying.

I don't think any quote-unquote liberals will don't make fun of China.

Some people, I don't know.

When I see it, when I went online, you go on Twitter, man.

Yeah.

There's some ultra lefties.

That's your first problem.

Ultra lefties out there, man.

Well, they're the.

I mean, it does seem like the world's kind of starting to head sane where like the fringes are starting to get.

I think everybody.

Are you guys getting the sense that everybody's starting to come to the realization that we've been listening to the crazies on both sides?

Because I'm starting to get that feeling.

Yeah.

I think people are tired of of

the pandemic shit.

They're like, look, we can handle it.

Yeah.

Like with the trucker, the freedom convoys and shit.

We shouldn't need them.

I don't know.

Just do away with the masks

in certain situations.

I don't know.

I don't know how I feel about the

vaccination.

Because on one hand, I'm like, it makes sense.

I got it.

Yeah.

Triple vax, baby.

Yeah.

You know, I got it because I don't want to fucking get COVID.

But it is, I do find it weird

that a government can come in and say, you have to put this into your body.

Yeah.

I don't give a fuck what you say about it.

And if you don't put it in your body, you're in a lot of trouble.

You're unemployable.

Yeah.

When you lay it out like that, it sounds fucked up.

It sounds insane, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it does.

But I don't know.

I know people who still don't have the vaccine.

They just won't get it.

Yeah.

And they won't go in.

But I mean, the thing is, like,

I certainly think that

private places have the right to be like, look, if you're not vaccinated, I don't want you in my store.

Private places, like stores and shit, like they seem to be able to do anything

except stop shoplifters.

Like, that seems to be the only thing that private corporations can't do is get a security guard to fucking billy club somebody on the head as they try to walk out of a fucking

trader Joe's with 10 sticks.

But I mean, people are just like, they're shutting down stores and stuff because they're like, literally, the shelves are bare because people just come in, take the stuff, and walk right in.

Yeah, when Al Sharpton's complaining about that stuff, you're like, wow, this is going to be good.

No, it's bad.

I wondered how that would fly at like our local Rite Aid or Walgreens if I just filled up a bag full of shit and walked out.

Do I get stopped?

I bet you it flies the

same way everywhere.

The same as in the cities.

I bet you nobody does anything to stop you.

I think they've been told not to intervene.

Why would you?

You're going to fucking risk your life to save right aid some fucking toothbrushes.

It's like, I don't give a shit.

Take it.

It's like, I'm my job to stop you from doing it.

If they want to save money, though, just get rid of the fucking security guards because they're impotent.

It is weird how those.

But they can't, but they can't do anything.

Why would they do anything?

There's nothing to be done.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Unless, you know, you want to make it so there are consequences for doing it.

There used to be.

Yeah.

But there was.

Talk about people who, like, I was reading earlier today about some guy who's like, they're like career criminal.

He's been arrested 97 times, walks free with no bail after he fucking did something fucked up again.

And that's the kind of shit I think people will eventually.

That's the next thing that people will be tired about.

Tired.

Maybe.

Well, I'll tell you what.

I don't think that any of this conversation is going to lead to the fucking laughter that we're talking about.

How long have we been going?

26 minutes.

So I don't know.

Have we hit anywhere near episode 97 yet?

Any of the heights?

Does anybody want to to hear about how I've had diarrhea for two months?

Yes.

All right.

Yeah.

Now we're talking.

Two months.

I have to probably no less than that.

But have you checked into Y or you're just I have an appointment on Monday.

No, I can't let it fly anymore.

It's too fucked up.

Multiple times a day?

Is it every

time?

Every time.

And I know this is disgusting for most people, and you're probably not cracking up right now.

That's okay.

Yeah.

It's funnier than the Chinese shit.

It's not talking politics.

It's not as funny as shoplifting, but funnier than the Chinese shit.

Yeah, I have to go to a gastro guy because

my stomach, no matter what I eat, no matter what I eat or drink, it burns like indigestion and heartburn and stuff.

The fucking bathroom antics.

And then like while I'm lying there at night, it's like, you know when your stomach growls because you're hungry?

It does it all night long.

I'm not hungry.

It's not growling, though.

No, it's just making like growling.

Yes, like digestive noises and shit.

Sexy noise, like burrow.

Yeah, Mary Beth gets so wet.

She's like, where are you going?

You got diarrhea again?

Maybe.

Oh, it's so hot.

Really?

Two months?

That's a long time.

Yeah, I know.

And people who are listening and they're probably correct would be like, you're fucking stupid for waiting this long.

to go see a gastro.

I just hoped it would correct itself.

Do you think it's the cola?

No, because I dropped the cola for a while.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that wasn't it.

I don't know what it is.

I thought it was milk for a little bit.

It was a lactose intolerance?

That's what I thought, because it was a stretch where.

It could be, though.

It could be the milk because I had this like hiatal hernia, this tear in my esophagus or whatever it is.

And they sewed it up, they fixed it.

But maybe it's coming apart.

I don't know.

Maybe like you know.

So there's acid leaking?

Yeah, it could be.

I don't get acid reflux, though.

Yeah.

I don't get that, but it could be like, you know, leaking my stomach or whatever.

Does this curtail like activities or like plans you may have?

Like you want to go here, honey?

And you're like, well, no, I can't because what if I get the big D while we're out?

No,

that hasn't been an issue yet.

But

I have I have not done, like

it hasn't happened with her,

but I have stayed close to home on a purpose for that very reason.

Just because like, I mean, it's not like I'm I'm like.

It's closer to home than usual.

Right.

Yeah, which is like usually just home.

I never go anywhere.

So you don't go and get the mail in anymore.

Because that's as far as that's as far as far as I picture you.

You pass by my house.

You see the car there every single time.

I'll fucking go anywhere.

That drives me crazy, too.

It was so nice these last couple of days until today when it got windy and cold.

But I was like, oh my God, this is, that's right.

It's like, it does get nicer sometimes because it's been so shitty and blustery and cold and fucking nuts, isn't it?

It's depressing.

Oh, I hate it.

I hit that.

It happened to me about a week ago, two weeks ago, where it hit me and I was like, I can't do it anymore.

I need warm weather.

I was actually thinking of flying to L.A.

for a few days just to fucking be out where the warm weather is.

My buddy's out there.

He's like, it's 82 degrees.

I'm like, oh, fuck you.

Spring is coming.

It'll be here before you know it.

Before you know it.

Something to look forward to.

That's what you need in life is things to look forward to.

Yeah.

If you just have them, then you don't have anything to look forward to and you don't appreciate it then.

Dude, you're so right about that, but I'm having a hard time coming up with things to look forward to aside from my demise.

Well, what about solid bowel movements?

That's a big thing, you know?

At 454, yeah,

that'd be pretty sweet.

I'll have to ask the doctor.

So do you think this calls for a finger?

No, I don't think so.

I got the finger once every six months and I was just there recently.

So if the if the finger, the finger comes out,

you would be surprised.

I would be disappointed.

I think the doctor's like that fucking

Dutch boy with his finger in the dam.

Look, you better not take it out in that mode.

It's like the brown shining just comes out of your fucking

ass and takes it all down.

It's not a dam you want to uncork, son.

Oh, man.

Do you eat a lot of fast food or do you eat a lot of like

food prepared by restaurants?

Maybe the missus has to start

cooking more at home, more bland

rice.

Tilapi and rice.

Ugh.

Good.

Like big chicken.

I would say like chicken.

Half and half.

Half and half.

Yeah, probably.

But I did.

I told her, I was like, because it was a stretch, man, where she wasn't cooking at all.

I was like, bitch, you got to cook, man.

Like, you got to cook some stuff.

I don't want to eat this shit.

I think I figured out why she's not cooking.

I don't want to eat this fast food shit every night.

Bitch, you say.

She loves DoorDash.

Married since 94.

I can't even imagine the incidence where I'm like, bitch, you can't start doing blank more.

It's an insurance that whatever I'm asking more of will never happen.

She might be sprinkling shit in your food to give you diarrhea.

Maybe you got off.

She could be.

There was a stretch where I did suspect her of poisoning me with jasmine-scented half and half.

Oh.

The like.

And Annifreeze.

Oh, yeah.

I like it.

Nice, sugary, icy

greens.

It looks like Gatorade.

I've watched too many episodes of Forensic Files to be tricked by

a bitch.

Annie Freeze.

Yeah, by this bitch who's trying to fucking poison me.

Would you say that you're sliding into a depression or would you say you're into the turn?

I would say

it's weird because

coming here today,

it lifted.

I felt good.

But

days before this,

it's pretty bad.

Really?

Yeah, it got pretty bad.

How long?

I would say since like before Christmas, it's been like sort of a downward

downward spiral, yeah.

The other day I was sitting there and was i was like someday i'm gonna die

and marybeth and sage will still be around

they'll still they'll go on living because that's the way the world works i was like so that's proof that they don't need me you know well it depends on what happens after you die so if i were to die today

you know i'm like the same thing applies

well they don't really need me weird because like

what an odd thing knowing you as long as i did and the reason that you were in a relationship for way longer than you should have been was the feeling of if you left that person, they would never be okay.

As I recall, you were like, they're going to end up chained in a basement.

Right.

And now,

the exact opposite, where for whatever reason, your wife, you're like, she doesn't need me.

If Mary Beth and Sage are chained in a basement, so be it.

But that's not even your concern.

You're like, they're going to thrive without you.

Yeah.

But why?

That's so, both are unlikely.

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know.

I just like, sometimes I just

have thoughts.

I think thoughts.

Yeah.

Dark thoughts.

I think that's everybody, though, right?

Oh, sure, yeah.

Everybody starts to think

a little bleaker at times.

That's a perfect word, bleak.

It's just like

my outlook on life.

I'm like, it just seems bleak.

But it's not.

Like, if I take a step back and I think about the things that I have and the job that I have, I'm like, it's not bleak at all.

So what?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

That's it.

What the fuck?

You know,

it's wrong with me.

It has to be, like you said,

you're coming out of it, though.

So

the worst is over, right?

Yeah, I think so.

Oh, you're on medication still?

Yeah, I stopped taking one of the medications because it was so expensive.

And that's when it really started getting bad.

So I was like, which one is that?

Abilify, it's called.

Well, how much is that?

It was like 400 bucks for three months.

I mean, dude.

Worth of stuff.

Yeah, that's a

lot.

I'm not sure if I can do it.

I'm not sure if that's to pay for to not feel bleak.

I didn't know what was going to happen, though.

Because I went to ShopRite, and it's like, I got three prescriptions.

This was one of them.

And she's like, oh, that's $479.

I was like, what?

I mean, what the fuck

am I paying insurance premiums for if this shit's going to be so expensive?

So I was like, well, how much is this?

And how much is that?

And the two were like $79 and this Abilify was $400.

I was like, and I know once you pay into it, then the deductible goes down and all that shit.

But it's like, I'm just so tired of fucking forking money over to people for everything.

You have a tired paying for shit.

Something that benefits you directly, bro.

This isn't the anti-anger shit, right?

Like that.

No, that I had to keep going with.

I could have told Mary Bethel.

Mary Brothers was like, you didn't cut out the anti-anger stuff, did you?

Yeah, right.

Backing towards the door.

Just the killing yourself stuff, right?

saying you can come out it's okay

oh wow you got to get back on it dude yeah i started taking it again oh all right great everything's gonna be fine then i started yeah yeah better living through chemistry i guess so i've been trying to uh i've been trying to like as i go to doctor on demand and i've been trying to get a uh a shrink through the health insurance another thing that i'm like how is this legal where like they have you know

The list of people that are within the network and shit, and nobody ever calls you back.

I feel like I'm applying for a job at a comic book store,

even online.

Like, most people I know doing therapy is just doing it online.

You can't get in there.

I can't get Adderall online.

Can't get Adderall online.

Right.

The guy, even though you can get it online, this asshole doctor that I have is like, oh, I'll look into it.

And then, of course, he never calls you back.

Right.

I know people like Adderall for different reasons, but for me,

you know, I've been taking it since 2008.

And it really worked.

It worked very well for me.

Yeah.

And it's

like quality of life has suffered since the doctor took it away, the one that I was getting it from, for the stupidest fucking reason, too, because they're like, oh, well, the doctor took it away.

It sounds like I did something wrong.

But

this doctor became part of like a group, and the group decided that, like, if you were prescribing something to somebody that you hadn't originally diagnosed them with, then you can't give it to them anymore.

And since this doctor wasn't the one who originally diagnosed me with ADD.

But can't he just diagnose you with ADD?

That's what I think.

But I think they're on him about narcotics.

They were big.

It seemed final

when

everybody I know has

the fuck is it possible that you don't have it?

I don't know.

Everybody I talk to has it.

It has what?

At all.

You know multiple people who have it?

Yeah.

So many people I know are on it.

And it stabilizes moods.

makes you feel

up.

It definitely brings your mood up, but it clears your head.

It stops all that external stimuli from crossing over.

And it helps me.

I can barely read.

Because my thoughts are just everywhere.

You can barely read what do you mean.

Like to sit there and pay attention.

I'll read a paragraph and then I'll reread it because I'm like

thinking of something else while you're reading it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just thinking of something else.

Or like, you know, like I'll get like literally sometimes a sentence I'll have to reread because I'm like, okay, wait, what happened?

TV shows same shit.

Really?

Yeah.

Used to be so good at TV.

You know, it's awesome TV watcher.

The one thing I had going for me, though.

Neighbors would come around to look at me through the window.

Look at them.

Damn.

Focused.

Laser.

Right there.

Take a look, son.

That's the best TV watcher you'll ever see in your life.

Click.

Wow.

Even TV, though.

So you find yourself being distracted from the TV show you're watching.

You'll start thinking of something else.

Is it quality of TV shows?

Sometimes that could be it, but usually something

I watch, the shit I watch is pretty good, unless my best friend in the whole world uh recommends something that i'm like is this motherfucker brain damaged like why would he tell me to watch this

why what was it letter kenny you don't like letter kenny i can't stand it i'm get out of it and i know a lot of people like it wow and mary but marybeth likes it although it's a canadian tv show

Sort of like along the lines of Trailer Park Boys a little bit.

Sure, yeah, I could see that.

But I don't know what it is, but I'm like, I can't, I don't like any of these characters except for like Glenn, the preacher.

I really like Glenn a lot.

The four main characters, I don't like any of them.

Wow.

I don't like the hockey players.

I like Stewart and Rold, the skids.

Sure, yeah, they're good.

I like them, but wow,

I told Mary Beth I was like, I'll hate watch it for the rest of the series with you because there's only like another season or two.

But I was surprised that you liked it so much.

Why?

Because it's like it's the same fucking show every single time.

And it's like,

it's really about nothing.

It's kind of like a Seinfeld almost.

Yeah, well, I mean, when you cram it together and just binge-watch it,

you do notice that they love going to certain wells.

Yeah.

But I like the characters.

I think it's funny.

I think it's like there's really nothing else like it on TV right now.

That I agree with.

Yeah, and I like it.

I don't know.

I find it funny.

I do.

That fucking fart book episode is so funny to me.

I thought it was hysterical.

I was dying laughing.

But all right.

Hey, man, what are you going to do?

Do you watch Peacemaker?

Did you watch Peacemaker?

I haven't watched it yet.

I watched the first four episodes.

Yeah, I fucking like Peacemaker, man.

I'm way into that shit.

I am anticipating watching it.

I look forward to it.

Like, is it all done now?

It's all done last episode.

That's what I'm going to do.

And it's got the second season.

He already got picked up for seven seconds.

He already got picked up for season two.

Yeah.

That's good.

He's great.

Seen him?

Yeah, I'm fucking up.

I'm surprised at how great he is.

Yeah.

But it makes sense, right?

I mean, like, being a wrestler, he's a performer.

He's an actor, basically.

He's considered one of the greatest wrestlers of all time.

Who is considered the greatest of all time?

Is it Andre still?

No, I don't think Andre was ever considered the greatest wrestler of all time because he didn't really move that much.

He was just huge and a character, but he wasn't like, like, he wasn't really like.

He wasn't beloved?

No, he was beloved, but you're talking about like wrestling.

I mean, he's still beloved, but like he mainly, especially later in his career, just like held onto the rope and some jokes like people.

But he was, you know, I grew up, he was the biggest thing ever.

Hulk Hogan considered the greatest wrestler?

He might have been.

He do railroads.

Is I'm talking like now like Babe Ruth era stuff.

Like, is like, are these guys considered like silent movie era wrestlers?

No, I think if Hulk hadn't had that, that

the sex tape, he'd still be in the conversation.

I think a lot of people still think him that way.

But like, you know, there's guys today that are like...

Austin?

Is he?

Stone Call Steve Austin.

He'd be a lot of people's.

He wouldn't be mine, but

he'd be a lot of people's.

I think

Silent Eric would be like that guy with Bruno San Martino.

San Martino would be like that guy.

I don't even know if anybody knows who we're talking about.

Bruno San Martino?

I know you do, but I'm sure

even somebody who's like, I'm hardcore wrestling, they may not even know who Bruno Sloan.

No, he just died a few years back.

We're talking about a guy from the 50s, right?

Yeah.

He was my dad's favorite wrestler.

So I mean, maybe I do have a lot of wrestling.

Did you watch wrestling with your father?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I've been watching since I was like a kid, kid.

I didn't know you'd be, but I didn't realize that you

would take some activity.

Yeah, yeah.

We would watch it.

We would go to like when they came to the Meadowlands at the time, they would he would bring me to that from time to time.

I loved it.

Yeah, it's nice.

Yeah, you know, it's a

nice bonding

activity, you know, when fathers and sons are able to watch sports or

watch Bobby Keenan get a pseudo speech get slapped out of his face.

Or dodge punches.

It's fucking great.

It's a good time to be a wrestling fan while I'm talking about it right now.

Is it the golden era?

Well, you know what?

WWE's been the only game in town for a long time.

And now AEW is here and they're fucking really shaking things up.

So everybody's trying to step up.

Everybody's looking for that episode 97 now.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Oh, I know.

I see.

Yeah, everybody wants another episode.

It ain't easy to come up with another episode 97.

No, no.

We're We're on our way with this one, no?

You think so?

Yeah, we had some, you know,

some diarrhea talk.

We had Brian's curtains.

Bri's depression.

Always

seems to connect with people, or he kind of like makes up for his

ramblings about

events in China.

He hammers home that he's a sick man.

He's just a demented old fool.

That's why he says these things.

Get off my lawn.

Yeah, it's like, it's weird, though.

Like, you don't know what to do.

Like, it's the middle of the day.

Yeah.

And you start just feeling so down.

I'm just like, I don't know.

Like, how do I stand?

And I used to tamp it down with drugs,

you know, with the painkillers and shit.

Okay, but technically, you still are a tampon.

Yeah, still, I still am.

Just not with something that would be totally

buying off the street

via sling boxes.

Yeah.

Oh, if all you had a sling box to sell.

I could afford that abilife.

That has to be like when you're like, okay, what was your rock bottom?

I think that might have been close to it.

Yeah, yeah, like

the FedEx guy delivered it, and you were fucking pushed him out of the way over Down Street down to Bay Area.

I'm like, I got to sell the make.

Just the guy fucking.

Someone's going to sign for this.

Sir, sir.

Did you see the look in his eyes?

Hey, hey, you want to buy this?

I just give it to you.

I just need you to sign for it.

I sign for it and then you give me the money.

That's the deal, right?

Unless you have Percocets where you like that, that we can go trade.

I second tech.

You want to blow jobs?

Fine.

Want to play hardball with me?

We got a heater.

It's the worst point in Brian's life.

Why are you people laughing?

They better be cracking up.

See, because the guy I sold the slingbox to knew who I was.

That's the joke.

I can't believe Brian Johnson's blowing me right now.

And giving me me a sling box.

What's a sling box do?

I don't know.

I don't know.

They're already out of business.

What did it do?

Anyway.

I think it's like it,

it would, if you put it on your TV, you could send a signal to a different TV or something like that.

It allowed you to watch multiple cable channels at once?

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah,

I don't think it's around anymore.

I think it's sling TV.

It's like an app.

No, it's sling TV.

I think, but I don't really know.

I just heard it.

Or you could like, like, if you brought it with you, maybe you could in a hotel if you had an account, something like that.

I'm not really.

Yeah, I never got into what it was for.

I sold it too fast.

I don't even know what I do with mine.

I can't remember now.

It was a gift from AMC.

No.

Yeah.

Because I had one.

Yeah, no.

Not from AMC.

You must have got yours.

From Charlotte.

Wasn't it Telem Steve Dave?

No.

I thought it was

Telemp Steve Dave.

Oh, was it a promo for it?

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

Because I had one and I put it on eBay.

I think I did too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I immediately.

I mean, how many decks did you guys have to cook?

I mean, we're not, I mean, we're not so far from you.

I mean, immediately I put it on eBay.

So, like, who am I to laugh at your?

Yeah.

I think, well, I think it was more the desperation with which I was like emailing back and forth with a guy on Craigslist being like, you got to come here today.

I think you were probably willing to wait the seven days for the the auction.

It says Slingbox is going to stop working in 2022.

Oof.

Wow, we made it out on that one, Walt.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hope that guy doesn't come back.

Caveat M Tor.

Yeah.

Hope that guy doesn't come back looking for his money.

Dude, that fucking.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think you like Peacemaker.

If you liked Suicide Squad,

I saw the first episode, actually.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's good.

Yeah, and he is is amazing, which is fantastic.

What are you guys both looking at?

You guys texting each other?

No, I had some.

I had some stories too.

And you have any ads?

No, no ads this week.

Oh, my ads.

Even the ads agency has dropped us.

They're like, these guys lost our facebook.

Yeah.

They're like, this is no 97.

Oh, fuck.

It was because of the snow.

She just had to rearrange them.

That's all.

Did you do anything for Valentine's Day?

What did I do for Valentine's Day?

I just went out to dinner.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Where'd you go?

Texas, Roadhouse.

Texas Roadhouse?

Yeah.

I like that place.

I went there the other day.

I enjoyed that place.

Busy?

Yeah, it's always busy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I did nothing.

Didn't do anything?

No.

Diarrhea?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We were going to go to Texas Roadhouse.

I was like, I'm sick, goddammit.

I didn't even know it was Valentine's Day until it was over because normally i send my mother uh flowers

and and uh later in the day like eight o'clock at night i i had gotten wise to the fact that it was valentine's day i was like oh fuck i didn't send my mother anything i felt really bad but uh yeah i dropped the ball this year on that and but you're this is one of those holidays that you don't subscribe to no personally you don't buy into this it's bullshit i find girls that are into it no offense to any any 13 percenters out there who love it i'm just telling you in in my

relationship history I just find girls that are into Valentine's Day to be so fucking corny.

Like high maintenance.

Yeah, I'm like, what do you care about this?

I don't understand it.

You're not interested in high maintenance.

No.

Oh, heavens, no.

No.

It was like, you're like, you're not interested in eating dog shit, are you?

I want to be the high-maintenance one in a relationship.

In a relationship, you prefer to be the high-maintenance person out of the two.

Well,

no, but if there has to be one, I want it to be me.

Yeah, that makes sense.

But I don't want to be high maintenance for anybody, and I don't want to deal with anybody's nonsense.

Okay.

Yeah.

You know, what am I going to do?

You're the one dealing out the nonsense.

I don't want to fucking deal in nonsense at all.

I mean, you know, what are you going to do?

But Valentine's Day, you would consider a high-maintenance expectation.

I just think that for somebody to really be into Valentine's Day is like,

what is wrong with you?

Like,

why does this fucking holiday?

It's like they're in the matrix.

Yeah, it's like, if your relationship

needs Valentine's Day to boost it,

maybe you shouldn't be in that relationship.

You know?

A lot of people thinking, thought, I'm thinking right now, like, hmm.

Well, we're getting older, right?

And with that comes a certain perspective.

And

if anybody here under the age of fucking 35 needs to hear it, like, do not deal with nonsense.

Get out of whatever relationship you're in with nonsense.

Well, Valentine's Day, if you're in your early 20s, you're still pulling out all the stops.

You want to make sure that you have every base covered.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But as you get older, you're like, I don't care about this basis.

No,

I wouldn't want to go back to my 20s for any circumstances.

It's just a miserable time of life for the most part.

Oh, I remember.

Yeah, yeah.

It wasn't a good time for me.

And Valentine's Day is part of that for me.

Yeah.

Did you have

a particular bad Valentine's Day?

It sounds like maybe there something happened on Valentine's Day.

No, but I've dated girls

who are into Valentine's Day and have done the reservation and have sat at a fucking table this far away from someone on this side.

This, everybody dressed up, doing the same fucking thing over and over again, overspending money, the price, the price fix menu, all the bullshit.

There was this, you know, on Staten Island, there wasn't a Texas Roadhouse back then.

It was like, you had to

book a reservation and go and like the flowers and all this shit.

And at the end of the day, you're like, the fuck?

Didn't you didn't, did you

maybe did you were expecting more for your

I don't remember getting anything more.

That's usually how it is.

I mean, yeah.

Usually how it goes.

Maybe I got let down.

Maybe I got let down.

Most likely.

Why?

Well, you guys had great Valentine's Days in your 20s?

Well, no, I'm just saying subconsciously, I think.

It sounds like, you know, that there was a particular Valentine's Day that you've buried.

No, it's more like...

And now it's, you know, it's like.

I think what you're hearing is

I probably indulged one too many Valentine's Days.

And that really fucking got to me about

resentful.

Yeah, it's like, it's like, yeah, I was like, why the fuck am I doing this?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Like, I hate this.

Why would I indulge this person in this nonsense?

And I hate myself because of it.

And I think that, like, that was probably the turning point.

Yeah, for me, it's like, okay, I got Christmas, Marybeth, then her birthday is on January 13th, and now a month later, now I'm fucking on the hook for Valentine's Day.

No, thanks.

Pass.

And then the anniversary.

The anniversary is, yeah, that's in August, so I got the.

So it's, you know, how many fucking days am I supposed to celebrate?

It never ends.

You didn't realize that, huh?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's one of the that's one of the

well think about it, though.

If you didn't have days to celebrate, then every day would feel the same.

That's true.

I'm looking for it to be different.

I should have fucking went all out for Valentine's Day.

That would have maybe raised my spirits a little.

I had a story that caught my eye.

I want to see.

It's the exact opposite that this man is of anybody that I know, including myself.

But there's a guy in Idaho.

He completed his goal of breaking 52 world records.

in a single year.

So every week he broke a world record.

I mean, on the surface, it sounds impressive.

It does, but it also makes me think like, what is this asshole got nothing else to do except break records?

Fucking jerk off.

And which records?

Yeah.

Is it diarrhea?

Because he's got a new fucking...

If it's diarrhea or TV watching.

But this guy's definitely a go-getter, and he's got to be, he's got to be in his 40s.

So he's not that much younger than me and you, Brian.

What's he, what kind of records is he breaking?

Yeah, this is going to to tell you, you want to hear some of the records, and I thought maybe there was one, which one of these ones would you feel like you would like to take from him?

Okay.

Like one of the ones that you thought you guys like, I could take that one probably.

So realistic.

Oh, all right.

Yeah.

These are just a few of the world records he officially added to his resume.

Number one, the fastest time to wrap a person with wrapping paper.

You need two persons, though, to share in this world record.

So you and Q could wrap each other in wrapping paper, and if you were to do it quicker than him and whoever his partner was, you could get in the Guinness book.

I wonder what constitutes wrapping a person, though.

Like, is it like, are they mummified or are their legs together or apart?

You know,

like, where are the seals and everything?

I'd be curious to see.

All right, all right.

Yeah, use a certain amount of

it's too vague.

But here's the next one that definitely isn't vague.

Okay.

And again, two-person record breaker.

Most passes of a beach ball in one minute to each other.

It's just a number.

How many?

I don't know what the number is that this doesn't say.

I mean, you know that Guinness has to send people out.

Yeah.

So this motherfucker was wasting their time

all year long.

He broke 52 records.

He actually broke 56, he said, but in case there was any contention of some of the other ones, he wanted to make sure he did more to meet his goal of 52 records in one year.

So he has that record, too.

He might.

Wow.

Yeah.

But,

well, good for him.

Let's not take it.

You're about to swing to negative.

What am I going to do?

Good for the guy, man.

It's obviously important to him.

He set out to do it and he did it.

Bri,

you practice this, you know, and you don't have to break it in the first try.

Most thumbtacks insert it into a cork board in one minute.

I mean,

what else are you doing?

I'm doing nothing else.

I can't even pay attention to TV anymore.

Mary Beth, time me.

Yeah.

Ow!

Shit, goddammit.

God damn it.

I'm curious how many.

It doesn't say what, but he broke that record, though.

Could you imagine, though, that means you got to pay.

Now, Brian would have to pay for the book of World Records representative to come to the house.

You got to pay his hourly

rate

and his travel to get to his house.

Okay.

Now, if I break the record, am I reimbursed?

But that's just

the cost.

Whatever the cost is.

I just had a great idea for Walt.

Why don't you contact Guinness and be the guy in the tri-state area that goes to

verify these records?

You could be the Guinness representative, man.

That'll give you a job.

Won't give you the Comb book discount.

Yeah, I was going to say, I was like, what's your diamond discount, Guinness?

But you could be the guy that goes with the stopwatch stopwatch around and like clicks and

yeah, I'm not good with a stopwatch.

I fucked up.

It's two buttons.

It's two buttons.

Yeah, but

I told a story.

I don't think it's been released yet.

On an upcoming Get Wrecked with Timmy Hill, I tell a story about me and a stopwatch thing.

That's pretty funny.

A lot of kids in the New Jersey area did way better.

you know, had record-breaking times because of my

effective usage of a stopwatch.

They went on to like various state meets that they shouldn't have went to.

I have no business being there.

Because

I would hit the button and I would look down at it, but I didn't realize it didn't go.

So then when the kids ran the race, they're like, What is this time?

And I'm like, 4.32.

They're like, what?

I was like, yeah, 4.32.

Pull him out of school.

He's going to run now.

Okay, so that's out.

Oh, wait a minute.

Most toilet paper rolls balanced on

the head.

It says the head.

Most toilet paper rolls, huh?

How flat is your head?

It's kind of round.

Yeah, I don't think I have a gun.

I don't have like a Frankenstein head.

Some of these are absolutely ridiculous, and I don't know why that Deanis would even waste their time like registering them as records.

Most table tennis balls caught in shaving foam on the head in 30 seconds.

So Mary Beth would

cover your head in shaving cream, and then she would throw ping-pong balls at you, and they would have to stick into the foam.

Questioning why she married me the entire time.

She's like, this is how he wants to.

He was on TV.

He was already in the Guinness book.

Why does he give a fuck?

You can still consider yourself in the Guinness book because of that conflict episode.

I think we still are.

Right, but do you consider yourself in the book?

No.

Absolutely not.

In fact, I forgot about it until this very moment.

Most passes of a giant inflatable ball in three minutes.

Longest duration of balancing a chair on your chin.

That one, that last one sounds vaguely Guinness bookie.

Yeah.

That one is the only one I've heard so far that I've been like, all right.

Yeah, it sounds somewhat familiar.

Yeah, the other shit sounds like somebody just made it up, but it's like, I don't know, I'm going to put a bunch of shaving cream on my head.

I'm going to throw some ping pong balls.

And if you're the first person to do it, you already got the record.

Let's take it.

Most t-shirts put on in 30 seconds.

Oh, I saw that.

I actually saw that one recently.

It was something nuts, like 128 t-shirts or something.

We knew we could do it, and we could do all Telm Steve Dave t-shirts,

dual promotion.

Brian Johnson breaks world record,

stretching them all out and Can't resell them.

Well, no, they would be hot because they would be, you could buy one of the t-shirts that Brian Johnson broke the world record in.

It's true.

Yeah.

And they would be verified.

I want to see how many t-shirts.

Most bars of soap stacked in one minute.

These are all breakable records.

They're breakable, but

they strike me as the type of records that you're like,

who cares?

Like the chair balancing one, I would say.

I was wrong.

It was 260.

260 t-shirts?

In 30 seconds?

260 t-shirts.

Hold on a sec.

Probably a minute.

It was recently, too.

February 19th.

I mean, you got to see the picture of the guy.

260 was achieved.

Yeah, it looks exactly like that.

Can't we get in for being the first podcast ever to put an episode out on vinyl?

Why can't we get in?

Why can't we get in also for being the first podcast to have a brick and mortar store?

Yeah, you're right.

What is this?

Who are these sham people running over?

Look at this.

Oh, my God.

That looks like one of those suits of the dogs attacking.

Yeah, it does.

I think Guinness has a bias against TSD.

They don't want to recognize any of our achievements.

Wow, that seems wrong.

I mean, why is...

Why do you think they're so

like an orchestrated effort to suppress

our achievements?

Just haters.

Yeah.

Could be it.

Let me see this.

Maybe, I mean, maybe if we suggest the record, we'll be like, hey, what do you think about this?

Is it any fucking stupider than catching ping pong balls on it?

They're probably going to be like, well, if you pay us, of course we'll put you in the book.

That's what it is, right?

Like, that's all it is.

Like, wasn't that why we didn't do it?

I think you're right.

Like, we actually had an aunt look into it from us and starting it, but then it was like money.

Yeah.

It's like the Hollywood Walk of Fame, like, like those stars on it.

Like, you have to pay for that.

It's cool to have it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Cause they, they, um,

from the from the get-go, you had to pay for it.

It's, it is straight up.

You pay, it's like 40, between 40 and 50,000, and you have to pay it.

So Lucille Ball didn't get in on merit.

Somebody has to nominate you, but anybody can fucking, but that's the dirty secret too.

It's like anybody can nominate, and then it's it.

Then Lucille Ball just shells out the 40.

Or if they start a foundation to raise the money for Lucille Ball, but yeah, it's it's you cover all the costs.

It's uh, it's like everything else, man.

It's a money-making scam, it's a scam, everything is, right?

It feels that way.

I know.

Now I'm starting to get depressed, dude.

Let's see, Hollywood Walk of Fame cost.

Yeah, I thought it was.

Yeah, you're right.

$50,000 for the ceremony, an increase from $30,000 just a few years ago.

Wow.

Anyone can nominate a celebrity for the placement on the Walk of Fame, but the person nominated has to accept the nomination, then pay the $50,000 fee for the ceremony, and then they even actually have to show up for the ceremony.

If you're paying, I'm sure you're going to be there.

Yeah, why the fuck wouldn't you be?

Yeah, I'm going to take this ride.

I'm buying the ticket and I'm doing it.

What good does it do you?

Well, it's a status thing.

Get your name in the paper.

I'm sure it gets covered by entertainment tonight.

Ooh.

I mean, it's that thing of Hollywood.

It's just like, do you want to buy into it or not?

Like, you know how nobody gives a fuck about the Academy Awards anymore?

Like, it's just gone?

It's because people just,

I mean, it was always a choice to give a shit about that stuff.

And I guess society is like, we don't care anymore.

I think it's great.

I think it's so great that all these award shows are like just fizzling out.

And like the

Hollywood, the actors and actresses, they act like they're above, like, say, the Golden Globes.

Like, oh, it's not diverse enough, blah, blah, blah.

When in reality, it's like they know that people don't give a fuck anymore.

Yeah.

So

they're like, I'm not going to show up to a fucking

well that's like once that started the pylon on the Golden Globes, no celebrity was going to be like, I'm going to go accept that award.

This is no way.

It's like Walt Walt said, they'll get killed on Twitter.

So people just stop like, but I think it'll, people start caring again.

It's going to take one good Academy Award show years from now to get people back into

because like the whole thing about Hollywood is just like it was a fun myth, right?

Like it was fun and like it's the curtain's been drawn back and now everybody's like everybody in Hollywood's a piece of shit and we can't now we know yeah now we know so there's no you know there's no glitz and glamour or any of that fake shit anymore everybody basically is a rapist or has well i don't know about that well i mean i mean i'm not everybody but literally but like you know when all this shit the me too came out and time's up it's like a lot of people are exposed yeah you know so it's like a lot of the uh a lot of the uh magic was tarnished that uh being, you know, having money fell out of fashion.

Remember the early aughts when people loved all that fucking shit?

All that money, rich people doing rich things.

Now that's out of vogue now, so they got no shot.

Bezos goes to space.

Everyone's like, I hope he dies.

I heard that

I forget what country it is, but they're threatening.

the citizens of whatever of this town where there's a bridge that they're going to take down because Bezos' yacht is coming through and they need to take the bridge down because it's too low.

So they said if they take that bridge down, it's a historic bridge, they're going to urinate

his boat as it passes over them.

I saw that.

They'll put up a higher bridge.

So wait, they're saying they're going to

go through with their plan to knock down this bridge so that Bezos can go underneath it.

I guess he has some sort of route he's taking.

Okay.

There's no other way to go.

He doesn't want to go.

It'll take him an extra couple days to go a different route.

Oh,

I'm reading it.

Okay, so Bezos' new yacht in Netherlands under fire.

Thousands RSVP to throw eggs at it.

Oh, I heard it was urinate, which is way more impactful.

Yeah, but harder to do.

Chucking in eggs a lot easier.

It's just symbolic, bro.

So you don't even have to hit the yacht.

You don't even have to hit the yacht?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You could just pull, you know, just urinating alone is just like, you could tell.

Bezos, of course, is going to say, nothing hit me.

I didn't get hit when I.

Oh, yeah.

You think he's going to be anywhere near that yacht?

Guess how much this fucking thing costs, this yacht?

If I had to guess, 500 million.

Wow, very close.

485 million.

Oh, my God.

Half a billion dollars for a fucking yacht.

Well, it's going to get pissed on.

That's going to get pissed on if you have your say.

If there's any.

If you have your say.

If there's any.

If I was Bezos, I'd be like, wait till it's raining and then let's go and i'd be like you guys so how how does bezos deal with that though when he knows that like uh there's a whole bridge with thousands of people on it yeah ready to whip out

rip it out and urinate on his do you think he cares at all yes he has to why

Because that is symbolic, man.

People are urinating on you.

They hate you that much.

But then they're going and buying shit from Amazon the next day.

Yeah.

Like, wait, I don't understand.

So he's going to take the bridge.

I think they need to disassemble.

Like, don't they need it as a throughway?

No.

No, Bezos has got to come through.

But is it like they could take the part of the bridge out for the day?

I think they're going to take that, that, see this cross piece.

Oh, so it's like a train bridge type thing.

Oh, they're not knocking down a bridge and building a new one for him.

No, I don't think so.

I thought they were just going to disassemble.

Yeah, yeah, that's metal structure.

You could have to get through.

So why are they getting so far?

Yeah, he said that

he's offering to pay to take apart and reassemble a historic bridge that needs to pass to get out of Rotterdam in the Netherlands.

I mean,

I don't see a problem with it.

He's paying for it?

I thought it was the taxpayers of the town had to pay for it.

Oh, that would be fucked up.

I'd be pissing on it too.

How far away the bridge is from where the ship was built?

Because if the ship, if a fucking half a billion dollar ship is built in an area, you've got to figure that's a lot of jobs and a lot of work and a lot of money going into the local economy.

So, if that was the deal and they're like, well, we just have to disassemble that bridge for a week and put it back together, as a mayor, I'd be like, fucking do it.

Build the ship here, get all that money.

But if they're like, look, like, they built a ship 200 miles downstream, all that money went in the economy down there, and you motherfuckers just want to take it apart.

I might be like, no, fuck you.

Because what do you get out of it?

He's like, hey, I'll pay you to take it apart and reassemble it.

It's like, all right, but that's

negative for us.

What does that give us nothing yeah like maybe he kicked some money to him i don't know i don't know the facts so i don't know

so you're telling me like bezos shouldn't even give this he shouldn't even give this the time of day non-story for him

given that i don't know many of the facts okay i will say based on what i know right now uh if i was bezos i would be like what are you gonna do so i don't think he's gonna be on it

he's on it because they got to do sea trials and stuff they don't just build a boat and then give it to you

you know him he'll break all the rules he does the rules

probably for his benefit to have someone run the ship for six months and make sure everything works before he gets on it right you know he thinks he's the captain of everything he just wants only because he is

is he the richest guy in the world yeah i think so but i'm sure he thought he was flying the spaceship too you know they had to pretend that he was

the navigator he was captain cook they gave him just a fake steering wheel

but let's say you're coming you're coming into uh jersey today yeah and you got word out that like,

you know, when you drive over the bridge or under the bridge or whatever, there's a whole bunch of people going to be urinate on your car.

You know,

you would say that's a non-story.

Well, I mean, why are they doing that?

I don't know.

They're upset at something you said on Telumza, and that's their answer.

I don't know.

No, I wouldn't like that.

I wouldn't be happy about that.

But I don't think Bezos is driving a Wrangler over the out-of-bridge crossing.

I just don't see that he's doing that.

I think just

the impact of the symbolic gesture of like,

we don't care that you're the fucking richest man on the planet.

Taste my piss.

I love it.

He's like, I'm glad I worked so hard.

I love the anger.

I love the mud in your eye, you know, attitude towards it, but I can't see Bezos kids.

He's got to feel like a superhuman.

He can't even, he's got to feel like a different species than us.

Mike is of the money

and the success, yeah,

yeah,

there's there's nothing

there's nothing that the guy can't have, right?

I mean, aside from like, oh, I want this woman, and she's like, Go fuck yourself, Jeffos, like that kind of shit.

But physical, material possessions, is there anything this guy?

Well, okay, once again, Dr.

Jones,

physical possessions, yes,

but as I've, I think we all know that true happiness comes from non-physical possessions Yeah, you can have all the shit in the world

Well, I don't know man.

You know what you got a fucking how many of you already got

seven zillion dollars, but people are still pissing on you.

I go to work every day.

No one's pissing on me.

Maybe one of the dogs.

Well, yeah, my dog.

So you you're telling me if you had a choice between having seven zillion dollars and and having people occasionally piss in your direction, you would you would take

you would be like, I can't do it.

I can't take that money.

I don't want these people peeing in my direction.

I think I think I know it is cliched, but mo money, mo problems.

I mean, I think you think $7 zillion dollars would make your life amazing and would be like, it'd be fantastic, but I think it would come with so much baggage, so much like weight on you that like you would be

you would wish that you didn't make that decision to take the money but you could always give the money away like you don't need to keep the money like let's say i had seven zillion dollars and i was and i was like all right i'm gonna keep a hundred million for myself and and literally give the rest to the world's problems like would people stop pissing on you and you're still sitting on a hundred million dollars yeah that that could be it that jeff bezos doesn't come off as like philanthropic no like i'm sure he is i'm sure he he gives away money all the time, if not for tax purposes, if nothing else.

But you don't really hear a lot about Jeff Bezos's humanitarian efforts.

You know, it's always like, oh, he's building himself a rocket to go to space.

Oh, he's building himself a yacht that people are going to piss on.

He's doing this.

He's doing that.

He's at the fucking Oscars.

You don't really hear a lot of good stuff about him.

Yeah, you don't.

That's what I'm saying.

So

think of all that.

Never hearing any good things about yourself.

When the fuck do I hear good things about myself?

Be talking about I don't have the money or the fucking good things.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And who do you give the money to, right?

You can't give it to the government because you can't trust the government with money.

You can't give it to the government.

You can't even give it to these charity groups.

You can't trust anybody.

Yeah, but you know, some of these groups have recently have raised millions and millions of dollars, and people are like, well, where did it go?

Yeah, so it's like you can't give it to, so what are you going to do?

You spend all your days just finding worthy people to give it to, which would be more rewarding, I think.

Or you could buy a half-billion-dollar yacht and not give a fuck.

And kind of go out there and take that bridge down and not worry about the being in the direction.

Yeah, hire somebody to hose the piss off.

Yeah, it's feeling like I don't care.

Harvey has like a team of

crew around him all with umbrellas, and he's just giving everybody the fingers.

Oh, that'd be awesome.

That's something Musk would do, right?

Like, I feel like that's an Elon Musk.

I wanted to give an update.

It's not really an update, but it's kind of an update on the Rob Bruce Memorial pod.

The family has the pod.

I just haven't heard what their plans are for an exact date when they want to release it.

I did talk to the son, and he said he wanted to wait a little bit until after

the

I guess everything

cooled down, I guess.

And he said, I'm thinking maybe

next month, hopefully,

as soon as we do find out the definitive release date, we'll let you guys know.

I have an announcement myself.

Whoa.

Weeks ago now, I was on

Mary Beth has this friend Zia

who does a show called Unqualified Experts, and it's on YouTube right now.

If you want to

I went on it with her.

Basically, what happens is

she calls

stories from Reddit, like

giving advice, and then you just joke around and have a good time.

Did you have fun?

Yeah, it was okay.

There are like

a couple's friends, like a new recently acquired couple's friends.

Oh, you have a couple's friend?

Yeah.

Oh, God.

You got to hang out with some dude that you only know through two other people?

Yeah.

How was that?

It's all right.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's cool.

He's a cool dude.

He listens.

Does he listen?

I don't know.

I'm not sure.

Yeah, I'm not sure.

I like him, though.

But it's usually like

it's him and Zia.

Why don't you go fucking hang out with your new friend then?

Damn, I bet.

Fucking guy, that's Johnny Cumley.

He wasn't there during the sling box days.

This fucking guy.

He definitely wasn't.

Yeah, you'd like his wife, though.

She's a little blonde cutie who does OnlyFans, yeah.

What do you mean, what does she do on OnlyFans?

I think she shows her titties and stuff.

Titty showing?

Yeah, titty showing.

I've never seen him because I'm not a member of OnlyFans, but...

I'm not going to pay to see titties.

No.

Me neither.

Come on, man.

I can look at myself in the shower if I want to see a good set.

I saw this thing, this story.

This is fucking hardcore.

Comes from Mexico.

Mexican cartels, terror schools, train recruits in cannibalism.

They're being trained in cannibalism at barbaric terror schools.

The gruesome practice exposed in a viral video that surfaced last month is the latest tactic in a violent turf war between two of Mexico's most brutal cartels.

Long story short,

they show them how to, like the cartel people show them how to cut up their victim.

The recruits,

first they teach them how to cut people.

They start learning by,

wait a second, they start learning

how

they start by learning how to sever the extremities.

then the recruits are forced to eat their victims starting with severed fingers.

They're given a choice of one of those pieces to eat in front of the boss.

You have to do it without reaction or vomiting or you are beaten.

And if you didn't want to eat human flesh, that's not too good for you.

Is it raw?

Yeah, I believe so.

What the fuck is going on in the world?

No, what the fuck is going on in Mexico with the cartels?

That's how bad they're trying.

They said the only way out of there is feet first.

Those who survive the grotesque initiation ritual are indoctrinated into the cartel after a graduation party.

That includes drugs and prostitutes, but they are never the same.

I would think not.

The training is they have hunted down, killed, skinned, cooked, and then eaten their assigned victim.

Oh my God.

Can you imagine this?

Holy shit.

I got to remember this next time I'm complaining about whatever bullshit problems I have.

Because I don't want to be on either side of that equation.

I don't want to be the person getting hunted or the person hunting.

Right?

I mean,

I would like to go to Mexico, but it

sounds dicey.

I feel like I would stand out and they'd be like, hey, man, how about him?

How about that fat ass?

Wow, you don't think you would go to the place like...

Acapulco?

Yeah, like

an all-inclusive something?

I would, but even then, like, people get stopped on the roads and every fucking cop is bought off.

So

what is going on?

I don't know.

What was the semen terrorism?

Okay.

This is semen terrorism.

Because if I had to guess, what do you you think semen terrorism is consists of, Q?

Maybe throwing it in people's eyes?

Like unexpected, like Silence of the Lambs.

You take a guess, I'll take a guess.

Like you just have it in your hand, like Silence and the Lambs, and just fucking throw it in people's eyes on the street.

Oh, like multiple MIGs?

Yeah, shit like that.

Oh, I thought it would be more like

threatening to come

without rubber on.

Oh, shit.

Or taking it off and your partner not knowing.

Oh, that's pretty good.

That's been made illegal now, right?

I believe so.

I think it's been made illegal.

What do you mean, no?

You don't think that's a good one?

What bullshit is that?

How can anybody prove that, though, that it came off by, you know, by your hand, like intentionally?

I don't know.

But I better make sure that thing stays on.

I think they're saying, like, in deliberate practices where like guys are taking it off or saying they put it on and they didn't put it on.

What would be the benefit to the guy?

Because then he might get

something in nine nine months.

I don't think these people aren't taking it through.

I think it's just like it just feels better without the common.

So,

what is okay?

What is semen terrorism?

Anything close to that?

It is, well, actually,

I misread the

headline for this one because there's two semen stories.

And the semen terrorism one is

in

a second.

I've never

seen anyone

have so much trouble with an iPad.

It is incredible, yeah.

I mean, nothing has changed.

It seems like

it's not even new technology anymore.

I have like 50 fucking tabs open.

Well, the semen terrorism wasn't the story that I wanted to read.

Okay.

But it's

semen terrorism is a thing and it's worse than it sounds.

In South Korea, ejaculating onto a woman's belongings is not considered a sex crime, and there are calls to change that.

And

a cup of coffee laced with spit laxatives, aphrodisiacs, and semen.

That was the grisly concoction a male graduate student served up to his unsuspecting female classmate in South Korea as revenge for rejecting his advances.

And that's not illegal.

No.

No, the women are like, hey, can we make this illegal?

Is that like a kind of a country where the guys have all the say?

So that's why they're kind of like, we're not going to make this illegal because I might want to do this one day.

I think historically, yeah, like women have been more subservient in Asian culture.

That's so repulsive, man.

Over the course of 10 months in 2018, this student committed a total of 54 acts against the young woman.

He secretly smeared semen over her makeup.

Traces of his saliva and mucus were also found on her toothbrush.

And when the group went on a research trip, he broke into her hotel room and stole her underwear, which he masturbated into.

They were not meundis.

They're just so.

Well, Wes breaking and entering, though.

And then jerking off into her underwear.

But he took the underwear.

It's stealing.

That's theft.

They got to be able to prosecute on one of those.

It says stoler underwear, yeah.

I mean, if I had to choose one of them to happen to me, it would be like he takes my underwear and goes out of his clothes wherever.

Shoot a load on my mascara.

Two to brush.

Yeah, smearing feces all over the place.

Feces or semen?

Feces and semen.

He thought he had a shallow.

And that's not illegal either.

The semen and the feces?

The combo of the two doesn't make one a legal act?

Nope.

It says in the

fact that the case involved perverted and bizarre crimes at the level of provoking vomit, the judge said.

Prosecutors also noted how the events had traumatized the female victim, making it impossible for her to go about her daily life.

But what came next drew a public wave of shock and anger.

The court ruled that the male perpetrator's actions of mixing his semen into coffee did not count as sex crimes.

He was instead tried for various counts of theft, housebreaking, malicious wounding, and property damage, and sentenced to three years in prison.

So So they're crimes, so they're just not technically called sex crimes.

Well,

they got busted for the breaking in.

This is kind of misleading, as if

you were telling this story as if the guy got off to go home that night, charged with nothing.

Well, if he had only like

cumin or coffee, he would have been home that night.

But it was because he broke into the hotel room and that kind of shit.

It falls into a disturbing trend to refer to as semen terrorism in in South Korea, which describes the act of ejaculating and in some cases, urinating on women's possessions.

In some accounts,

suspects were accused of delivering their semen to women in containers.

Sometimes you see that, like,

there's a genre of porn where it's like, and it seems to always be in an Asian country where like a woman's sitting on a bus or something or like sitting on a park bench, like reading, and then some guy comes up and like jerks off onto her real fast and then like runs off.

I don't know.

I know what is going on.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What would you do if your wife comes home and she's like, I was just reading in the park and some guy just jerked off on me and ran away?

Go wash your hair, man.

Against the law.

Did he break in?

Shut up.

Bitch could be something.

Oh, God, what a miserable planet we live on.

The campaign is also happening at a time when South Korea is witnessing a strong backlash against feminism and gender equality.

I mean, you would not think that these days, you know.

Wait, this is what country?

South Korea?

Is it where Kim Jong-il is?

No, he's north.

He's north.

He's north.

So.

Believe me, up north, they're like, I'll take a little cum on me if you guys get me down there.

In a court case last year, a man was merely fined after he was found to have ejaculated six times into a coffee tumbler.

The court ruled that the man's actions ruined the tumbler.

This is bananas, man.

Like, you almost can't believe it.

I just, I just, I've gone through my life and I've done things in my life that I'm like, you know, I would label on there like, you know, a little say kinky, but like none of it involves.

You didn't ruin anybody's tumbler.

Certainly nobody's coffee.

You know?

Oh, that's a rough one.

But hey, you know what?

They caught him.

I'm sure he's paying a price right now, right?

He's locked up.

Three years.

I mean, I don't know what a South Korean jail is like.

Let's see how the shoe feels on the foot

when you're in jail.

Hopefully, yeah, he's getting some semen terrorism.

Yeah, somebody's fucking up his tumblers.

Prison tumblers.

So the other one, this is a quick one, the other sperm story.

Louisiana teacher admits giving kids cupcakes laced with her husband's sperm.

Oh, my God.

In the United States?

In America.

This is in the fucking U.S.

of A.

I expect it from the rest of the world.

Yeah.

Isn't it weird how you're like like in other countries, you're like, of course it's going on over there.

Sperm and cupcakes must be Canada.

I would have thought.

You know how they are.

Those Canucks.

So this couple admitted to a slew of disturbing sex crimes, including child pornography, second-degree rape, and mingling of harmful substances.

This woman and her husband

were arrested on more than 150 sex-related charges, including sexually abusing a child together.

She was also hit with a harmful substance charge after she put his sperm into cupcakes that she gave to students at the junior high where she worked.

And I'm supposed to trust anybody in this fucking world that I don't know.

You're supposed to send your kids to school?

Like, any person I don't know could be this person.

Anybody, literally anybody on the streets, online, anyone talking to me at any time could be this fucking person.

Have you ever eaten a cupcake from a a stranger?

No, and I'm not about to start.

Even in school?

Oh, maybe, maybe, yeah, brother-in-law

birthday.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, it might have had

some ejaculate in it.

You're good.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.