#499: Castawayed!

Fuck, dude, I'm more manlier than I thought.

Yeah, Gedim's concerned.

Well, wait, hold on, forget.

Forget that.

This is the funny story?

This is the funny story.

Who's people now?

Well, me, because, you know, Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello, welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I am here.

It is me.

It is Brian and I am here with a BQ.

Hello.

And Walt Flanagan.

Hello.

Is this episode 599?

This is 499.

Oh, 499.

I'm sorry.

A little ahead of yourself.

$499.

Oh, the plans we have.

Do we?

I thought we did.

Do we not?

Well, let's treat this one like it is episode.

500.

Like every episode should be treated as if it's like a big, exciting, important episode.

499, 499, you don't want to overlook 499 because then you start a precedent for

looking ahead and not concentrating on the present.

And then that's the first stumbling block of any

13-year-old podcast.

You're right, though.

Without a 499, 500 couldn't exist.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So let's treat this with as much gravitas as 599.

Wow, I was going to dial this one in.

You're going to phone it in.

Yeah, who gives a phone?

499

most people have no expectations for 499 no no so we should have made 499 and 499 the huge one and then 500 the curveball that's what tsd is it's just curveballs i shouldn't i've been fucking swinging at curveballs ever since we moved to fucking hazlitt so i should know about curveballs are there more curveballs coming your way some curveballs oh my god yeah i don't know i mean i don't know i don't know

it's it's so frustrating well as soon as we as soon as we came in we see uh guys lying on the floor having seizures and shit.

Get him at a seizure when we walk them out.

Are you talking about getting them?

No, not at all.

No, just a lot of little things piling up.

I'm like,

what else can happen?

Like, what the fuck else can happen?

We got in some of the new merch for the grand opening Black Friday weekend.

We got hoodies made.

Yeah.

General store hoodies made.

And

I'm super excited to go down there and get them, you know, because I went with a local printer just to save a little money on shipping and I wanted to do a quick turnaround too yeah and I go and pick them up

and you know it has the the general store sign big on the back of the hoodie yeah so I open it up out of the box the guys all at the printers all excited to show it to me

and

I don't have any teeth

There's no teeth in my cartoon.

Okay, in the logo, right?

In the logo.

And I'm like, where the fuck's the teeth?

Yeah.

And

he goes, well, that's what you gave me.

That's the art you gave me.

And I'm like, oh, no, I know I gave you teeth.

I know that the teeth.

We don't even have artwork without teeth.

Right.

And

so he's scrambling and he's sweating bullets already because, you know,

he would have to do the whole order over again at his cost.

Yeah.

And he goes, no, no, he brings it up and he goes, look, what you sent me doesn't have teeth.

And I'm like, how the fuck did that happen?

And what happened was the printer asked me for, he needed the artwork in a vector file.

Who the fuck knows what a vector is?

I don't know what a vector is.

Like, I'm sending him, I could send him everything but a vector.

What he needs it in is the fucking only thing I can't do.

Of course.

So I asked somebody, somebody I know who's good with computers, not get him.

Because if it was Giddem, it would have fucking came out of his fucking salary.

Right.

Absolutely.

It would have.

So I go, could you send this guy a vector file?

And he sent it, and he CC'd me on the email back when the shirts are getting printed and I can't open a vector on my iPad or my phone but I'm like what the fuck do I need to open it for yeah surely it's got teeth you know I'm not gonna like why the fuck would it not have teeth that's the only question

so

the guy was in the clear the printer was like yeah I mean this I had no idea it didn't have teeth I'm sorry bro womp womp take your shit and get out of here no he and but to his defense man we tried so many different avenues to go down to add teeth later on oh really And just never looked right.

So I went home and I told my wife, I was like, can you do me fair?

I'm going to lay down.

Could you just run up and

kick me in the face over and over again until I don't have any teeth?

So on Black Friday, when people show up and go, oh, where's the teeth?

I'll just smile at them and go, no, it's accurate.

So they're like, we can make the sale on these hoodies.

I was so fucking frustrated because it's not the guy's fault.

Like, it's our fault.

So now we got these hoodies in, and I don't have teeth, but I'm, you know, but the challenge of turning uh lemons into lemonade sure

i got this

the lack of teeth all hoodies 50 off

no no

all hoodie the the lack of teeth in the hoodies represents black friday black mouth black friday it's a representation it symbolizes black friday and plus will never reprint these hoodies with with teeth yeah so anybody who's waiting on the fence be be like, well, I'll just wait for the teeth version.

Fuck off.

There'll be no teeth version.

This is the only version of this hoodie we will ever do.

I'm going to start telling Walt Country Time.

This dude makes more fucking lemonade.

What else can we do?

I mean, it feels like all we've been fucking, we're getting pelted with lemons in Hazlitt, it feels like.

We left Red Bank and Hazlitt don't want any part of us, it feels like they're throwing lemons at us every turn.

It is strange.

Yeah, I mean,

it's so typically tell him Steve Dave.

So now we go.

Hey, our new sign, our new sign is fucked up.

God damn it.

So Walt's going out and he's getting

one of the hoodies for us to see, a toothless hoodie.

Wow, man.

I mean, you know, I mean, I wonder if it's going to look so weird to us or are we going to be like, who gives a shit?

Yeah.

Like, what we're seeing.

Let's take a look at this.

Well,

it's a collector's item.

Yeah, it's a misprint.

It doesn't doesn't look bad.

Yeah, it's like a misprint that should have been destroyed, but you know what?

We saved it, and now it's more collectible than ever.

Look, if I had never seen it with teeth, I wouldn't miss the teeth.

Right, but every and who's going to buy that, though,

is going to know their teeth should be in there, though.

They will now.

They could have fun.

They could put their own teeth in.

Well, like I said, I tried that.

It does not work.

I brought fabric marker, a white fabric marker, didn't match up.

We got these vinyl iron-ons that we were going to iron in teeth, and the printer was going to do it.

It just looked like hell because you can never match it up perfectly

to lay it in so you could see the lips and everything.

It just looks like I got a fucking dong on

my mouth though.

It does.

Yeah, it does look like a hot dog, like a sideways hot dog.

Yeah.

Well, like you say, though, like Q, like you say, like, I don't think I would look at it and be like, holy shit, like, this.

Yeah, well, I mean, these are, like I said, these will, these were only made for Black Friday weekend anyway, though, so we don't have a ton of them, but there's not much I can do.

We got to go

got to make lemonade.

Yeah.

You got to.

You got no choice.

And for a lot of people have been asking me about

for people who can't come to Black Friday, will we be putting some of the merch up on the website?

And yes, on, I guess it's Cyber Monday.

Right.

Whatever doesn't sell

you know, whatever doesn't sell through here at the at the general store over at Black Friday weekend, we will put up the remaining stock on Cyber Monday, probably around 7.30 at night,

just to make sure everybody has a,

you know, everybody can get in at the same time.

Oh, right.

You know what I'm saying?

We know it's starting at 7.30.

So I don't know how many trucks will be left.

I'm pretty sure we'll have plenty of toothless

general store hoodies, though.

Toothless edition.

Yeah.

Yeah, but that's the latest fucking.

Well, dude, I mean, if that's the worst thing you're dealing with, pal, don't worry about it.

You're doing all right.

You want it to be perfect, though, you know?

And when it's not, it's fucking annoying because it's like, it feels like,

why the fuck would I think that, like, the vector file just eliminated the teeth for some reason?

Yeah.

Every single time you sent a new vector, it would just somehow, somehow, some way it was.

Maybe it was a layer.

It was a different layer or something like that.

Yeah, it's fucking Bill Gates bullshit.

Oh, conspiracy.

Software shit.

You know, it's just fucking nonsense.

So annoying, no, but yeah, but hopefully, you know,

this

us talking about it and saying how rare this is going to be will make people be like, oh, I want that.

And then other people will be like, let's bail the boys out one more time.

It seems like only two weeks ago we were buying three Baron shirts.

There was nothing wrong with those shirts, though.

Just ordered too many.

These actually are fucking slightly irregular.

There was nothing irregular about those Baron shirts.

No, no.

I think this looks fine.

I don't think anybody would have even noticed if you didn't say anything.

You're kidding me.

I don't.

Oh,

some of these fucking people, I mean,

they notice everything.

God bless you.

They notice everything.

They will notice anything and everything.

And fucking, sure enough, send me an email and be like, guess what?

I happen to notice.

God bless them.

Without them, I would never have noticed that something was not fucking right.

And it has to suck, too.

Like when you see no teeth, you're like, oh, fuck.

And then, but you go in so cocksure.

Like, you fucked up.

No, I didn't say it that way.

I wasn't that angry.

I was just like, holy shit.

Please, God, I'm saying, I'm praying

in my head.

Please let it be his fuck up.

Just once.

Can't it be somebody else's fuck up?

Just once.

Can't it be on him?

And he's got a fucking take it on the chin?

No, my fucking...

Let him suffer.

Why should it be me i have cauliflower ears since moving to hasler it feels like from getting fucking belted around

and it's like it's it's weird because there's not none of it is like huge except for like maybe the plates getting seized that's a pretty big deal but you know what though i mean i'm working with the credit card company it really feels like they're gonna side with us anyway what is the update where they like we can't get them now well we had an aunt who works in

customs you know he reached out to me and he said that he needs a certain type of information but I can't get the information though from the, it's called the forwarder.

It's a whole bunch of, you know, importing jargon that I don't know about, but

he was willing to help us and he sounds, he feels like it's inevitable that they probably will release the plates.

Right.

And it's just going to take time for them to do the testing.

And then once the test comes back, they'll release them.

And I, and I emailed the manufacturer of the plates, and I was like, I just wrote, were there lead in these plates?

Question mark, question mark, mark, question mark.

Yeah.

And she wrote back, she sent me this whole thing about all the regulations that they have to follow and that they meet the standards in America for as much lead as they're allowed to have in the paint.

They meet it.

But who the fuck knows?

Who the fuck knows?

But the credit card company is just like, they credited the money already.

So, and it's on like, it's under investigation.

Well, it's under investigation.

I would have to be like, hey, I got the goods.

Right.

And then they could charge back

the company that made the plates.

But at this point,

that's the fuck-up that has gone the best so far, though.

Oh, really?

The easiest.

I call the credit card company.

They're like, they credit it immediately and it's under investigation.

I wish everything was like that.

Shit, man.

Now I feel vaguely bad.

Boy.

I don't know.

I want you happy out here.

Because we breeze in.

Everything looks fucking awesome.

Yeah.

We have no idea what's going on under

behind the scenes yeah those are those little things though because they're like you want everything to be you know exactly perfect and when it's not it's just like and especially when you're like how the fuck yeah could i have known that though that that fucking vector file didn't have teeth how you couldn't have i could i mean yeah

you know

i don't think this is gonna i think people are gonna love it man Yeah, well, I've been thinking about, I'm gonna wear some, I'm gonna black out my teeth on Black Friday.

I have this wax I bought.

And so, like, when anybody says anything, I'll just smile and point to it.

It's fucking

screen accurate.

We just went to see the Eternals.

I mean, when's the last time we went to a movie altogether?

I can't remember.

It would have been...

It might have been the

suffering of...

Christ.

What was it?

Oh, yeah, the Last Temptation of Christ.

No,

the one where they just beat the shit out of Jim Cazaville for fucking 20 minutes.

Yeah, that was it, wasn't it?

Last Temptation?

No, that was

Mark Scorsozi.

Passion, the Passion of the Passion of Christ.

I think that was the last one we saw.

I thought we saw something in California.

Didn't we see something where the world was upside down and Martin DiCaprio was in it?

He was an agent and dreams and shit.

Inception?

Inception?

Oh, okay.

All right.

I don't remember that.

Actually, technically, it would have been the Joker's movie.

Oh, yeah, I guess technically it would have been that.

But, man, I liked Eternals.

I was pleasantly surprised.

After reading what I read about it, they're like, it's the worst Marvel Marvel movie ever.

It's the wokest Marvel movie ever, which I don't know.

I haven't seen a lot of Marvel movies, but it was pretty woke.

But like you said, if you took out the Lovey Dovey show.

The love shit was boring.

You could have cut out 40 minutes.

And it would have been a welcome 40 minutes.

Yes, and it would have been.

I liked it.

I thought it was pretty funny.

I liked the Indian guy.

Oh, Kamal nailed it, man.

He was my favorite part of the movie.

Him and his valet, I thought, were really good.

What did you think, Walt?

I thought it was surprisingly better than I expected it to be because of such bad reviews, bad PR.

I didn't think they would even

get even close to how cosmic I wanted it to be.

And it was pretty cosmic.

It was pretty cosmic, man.

They didn't do a lot of hand-holding on it.

They were like, here it is.

And I appreciated that.

I thought it was long, way too long, though.

And

may have made a better television show than a movie, maybe to flesh this out a little bit more.

Sure.

But on the other hand, the characters, for the most part, weren't characters that I would want to spend time with for 10 weeks in a row.

Who was your favorite Eternal?

The guy from Incarnate.

Yeah, I thought he was really...

I thought the Icarus guy was good because he reminded me of Superman.

I thought the cast was great.

Yeah.

But I think out of the characters, he was probably my favorite one.

I liked the way he

flew.

He flew like

with the way he didn't fly with his head first.

He flew like standing up.

Upright.

Chest forward almost.

Yeah, it looked very Jesus-like.

It was cool.

Yeah.

Did you notice they name-dropped both Batman and Superman in this movie?

I heard Superman.

I didn't hear Batman.

When he introduced Kamal's character Kingo,

Kingo?

The Indian one?

When he introduced his valet, the other guy goes, like Alfred, like Batman's guy?

Oh, yeah.

So that's that's an I thought that was an interesting tactic for them to do.

Do you think we'll ever see, since we've seen some big major studio crossovers, ever see a Marvel DC movie?

I wouldn't rule it out.

In our lifetime?

Yeah, I wouldn't rule it out.

Would that be maybe they dip the toe with the animated first, like an animated one?

But I bet you they pull it off at one point.

Well, what's going to happen is Disney is going to eventually buy Warner Brothers.

It's going to own all the characters, and then that's when you'll start seeing that sort of thing.

Do you think Disney could ever buy Warner Brothers, do you think?

I mean, AT ⁇ T is unloading it to Discovery right now.

They're forming a new platform.

Why wouldn't they go for it right now then?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Well, I think that would be the be-all end, although it's like you can't top that, though, if there's like a Justice League Avengers movie.

Oh, it would be a lot of fun.

Would it make you nervous, though?

Because

something's happening that you're like, like I just said, this will never happen in our lifetime.

So now it's happening.

The ultimate dream of the fanboy.

Does it make like is there an anxiety?

Are you talking about me or are you talking about fanboys in general?

I think fanboys in general, but I mean, I'm looking at what you're doing.

Since I was fanboy, you know, famously in Kevin Smith universe, I was fanboy, but would I be nervous that it would be bad, you know, and it would be like there's nothing to come back from?

Like it's like put a gun in my mouth because fucking Vengers JLA wasn't good.

Maybe not kill yourself.

But at the same time, you know, like, I don't, like, when movies come out like say that halloween kills like i don't have hope for it right you know

uh but what you said that like godzilla yep king kong yeah that was it for me uh so that was it

that was you know that should have been the movie that like i put the gun in the mouth and you know because i had to put so much

eggs in my basket like if that was the movie that was going to do it you know

it never would have happened you know a movie would never bring me to that but if there was one movie that should have did it it was that one because i had put so much boyish

love and exuberance and excitement for that movie that you know expectations for like since I was little when I saw the original that would be the movie Avengers versus JLA it will suck yeah you know and that's how you should go through life you know assuming it'll suck it's gonna suck and then and then like with the turtles that's what happened today we have a big smile on our face walking out I couldn't believe how much I liked the turtles yeah that's how you got to go through life expecting the worst yeah yeah and then when and then when something like you know exceeds expectations it's so much more impactful.

Yeah.

I think that movie would probably, if we had gone into hearing great reviews.

We would have been like, that's it?

Yeah.

Yeah, fuck it.

But no, man, the celestials look good.

Yeah.

What's it like to live in the Marvel universe now?

Because like five years ago, you know, half of the population disappeared.

Then they came back five years later.

And now you find out that the planet Earth is nothing but an egg for a giant fucking celestial creature.

They froze it.

I mean, they made a new mountain out of a celestial one.

That was cool.

how do you live in that universe I hope at some point they they go back to that setting and then like there's a another big battle or something happens at the site of that big mountain now

in the comic books the Avengers one of their newest headquarters was inside the corpse of a celestial really it was frozen celestial mountain it was frozen into a mountain he was Aaron no so maybe that's what they're setting up like they they the next Avengers headquarters are in there

if you lived in the Marvel universe yeah you were just a you know you're not a hero, you're just a normal dude.

Sure.

Not even on TV.

Oh, normal,

TV hero.

Normal, normal.

A true normie.

And

the snap happens.

Yeah.

Would you, if you had your choice, would you want to be snapped out of existence and brought back five years later?

That's good.

Or would you want it to have remained alive and lived through it all?

I would rather come back five years later.

Really?

Yeah, I think so.

Because you get that extra five years of youth.

You get that extra five years of youth and you're.

What happens to all your loved ones?

They might have moved on, though.

Well, there's not that many of them.

You know, it's

like still, though.

But what if they snapped with me?

All right.

Yeah.

Well, let's say they didn't.

They didn't.

No, I still think it's all right because what's to move on from?

Like, I'm just back, baby.

Can you come back in and then Sunday, Jeff's in the chair?

You know, you were potting.

Oh, man.

There's a lot of ramifications.

Man, all right.

So I'm blip back

and I come here.

You guys are five years later.

First off, you go to Red Bank.

Mike's like, they moved.

He doesn't even say, hey,

five years later.

It's like, Q, you're back.

Chief.

I'm back, baby.

Yo.

Wasn't where you left.

But you moved with them.

I haven't seen you since.

I haven't seen any of them since they moved.

I thought I was their friend.

Like the stash has been closed for three years.

He's still there, though.

This is a nice like Disney plus series right here.

So I come to the table and

you guys are five years older.

Yeah.

You've replaced me with Sunday Jeff.

Well, I wouldn't say that Sunday Jeff should lose his spot.

Well, people love him.

Of course he shouldn't.

Yeah, but I would say that.

I would feel like out of loyalty, he's got to go.

I don't think he's got to go.

He's got to go.

You don't think we're just having a moment.

I've got to go if you're using this.

So we don't add a fourth mic.

We just tell Sunday Jeff, sorry, thank you for filling in for five years.

Wow.

Thank you for building all that goodwill.

Doing the impossible.

Follow it up, queue.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I just feel like, yeah, I don't know.

We'd have to talk about it, though.

Well, think of the downloads would go through the roof

if I came back after five years, right?

That would be huge.

It'd be probably bigger than episode 499 or 599.

Yeah, 499.

That would be pretty big.

Yeah, I just think it's like I'd rather come back into the world that you assholes have already put back together

than be the one that had to fucking fix the mess

five year siesta sounds good to me

yeah that that does say yeah that does sound like an easier task but the emotional roller coaster i got to imagine for the people who thought you were dead and never coming back and well there's a chance my parents might be gone right so i might lose them

but for the most part aside from them everybody is probably still and my mother would probably still be doing all right i don't know about my dad if he's who knows i hope so yeah well thank god this only existed in the marble universe yeah so you have no fear of your friends being like having moved on

yeah like i got a new i got a new friend that i hang out with now yeah but what like q i i would invite you along but i don't know

like where where are you going he's just new friends i don't know like where are you inviting me to it's sunday jeff

No,

I wouldn't think that at all.

You know?

Yeah.

Where does the responsibility lie, though?

Like, let's say it's like a castaway type situation.

You know, like, I got cast away for five years.

I come back, Mary Beth's fucking sucking on some new prick.

Yeah, that's probably going to happen in a lot of situations.

Five years is a long time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I guess for you, it really falls on you because, like, if you see an exit door could and you wanted to take it right you know what I mean that's not so bad cast away myself yeah

but um

wow what do you do

it's happened though right I mean has anything ever happened like that in real life cast away I have to imagine right somebody was gone for five years and everybody thought they were dead and they came back then they come back yeah but I mean was it even five years for uh I don't know I can't remember

it was two years two years yeah I think I don't know but like where where does the responsibility lie with?

Like,

let's say Marybeth disappears, right?

She castaways herself.

And then, like, two years later, she comes back, but I'm with somebody else.

Where does my responsibility lie?

I really feel like

it's just a lot to work through, but you're not looked upon as you're the bad guy.

Right.

No, it's one of those everybody's a victim.

Everybody feels like shit, but like, no one can be like, it's no one's fault.

Well, it's her fault.

I thought, Jeval, I thought her castaway was four years, four years, not two years

was that she legitimately was stranded on an island.

She didn't do it to herself.

She comes back, she's got a nice tan.

Oh, you're saying she faked it?

No, you got to say real island.

So real castaway island.

She can't cast away herself then.

She got castaway.

She gets castaway, right?

Right.

And you come back.

I don't know, man.

I got to move on, man.

I'm fucking 53.

No, that's what I'm saying.

You didn't do anything wrong, but but I can't.

But she's gone for two hours.

Sometimes I consider.

But think of the reception you're going to get if you remained true

for those years, though.

Think about the loving that you got in store because, like, wow, you didn't move on.

You stayed true to me and you didn't like, you know, just pick up with some other

declining years.

I mean, that's got to be, you would be hailed

as a hero, though, in her eyes, if you're not already.

Oh, I think, yeah, I think I got that covered, baby.

Don't worry about that.

Yeah, I don't.

I don't know, like, how, how long before you, like, I don't know, if somebody disappears?

I think everybody's

how long is acceptable is that's very fluid.

That depends on the person, you know.

Four years, pretty.

Yeah.

that's a pretty good run.

Right.

But like four weeks, then she may have an issue.

I was abducted.

I'm like, oh, how am I supposed to know?

I thought she got castaway.

Yeah.

I don't know.

What would you rather do?

Blipped

or live out the five years?

I'd rather be blipped and come back.

Only because it would just be so.

difficult to deal with like, you know, people in my life that were that were gone, I'm guessing, as well, if I was here.

I'm sure there's going to be people people that got blipped that i know and it's going to be it's not going to be a good existence in that five years

like the you know the the stress the anxiety the anguish the pain i would much rather be like be like i'm back and everybody like is this great i don't have to go through all that depression all that misery no way the trauma yeah and as far as you know you don't remember anything so it's not like there's any kind of like after effects no it's five years later, yeah.

I'm down on that shit sometimes.

Disappear for five years, yeah, yeah.

I remember when, um, when I got carjacked, and I asked you later on, I was like, what if I took it as an opportunity to just disappear and like go restart my life?

And you were like, I would be so fucking mad at you.

Well, yeah, because like, oh, you can't tell me,

I would send you a postcard like fucking red and Shawshank Redemption.

Yeah, like some only I would know.

Yeah, like, here, uh, let's meet here, right?

Like Tombstone, Arizona.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But

yeah, it was.

It was.

I see what you mean where you were saying it was a wocist

Marvel movie, but it didn't really, like,

the casting certainly made sense in this thing because they were

representing all the races.

Like, that's why the Celestials would make them that way.

That's why they were created that way.

That's what I assumed.

But they, I mean, they had a pretty,

I can't recall any movie that I've seen recently that had a kiss like that kiss, though.

Oh, the gay, the gay thing.

Yeah, and I know if I find it weird that Disney's like, you know,

you know, we're gonna, we're leaving this kiss intact, you know, and like, we don't want to hear from people who don't want to see the kiss, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But yet they remove it like they're like, like they kind of like say, like, you know, America, you know, sit down and shut the fuck up and deal with the kiss.

But yet, I don't think America needs to see the kiss as much as the countries where they're fucking taking the kiss out so they could show the movie.

Yeah.

Like those countries in the Middle East where they're removing the kiss.

Yeah.

They're the countries that, like, I think America definitely is okay with the kiss.

I think it's easy to stand up to the little guy.

Like, if you're Disney, you're like, fuck you, America.

You're going to fucking watch it.

It's like, but we don't care about watching it.

Yeah, I think everybody's fine watching the kiss.

I don't

definitely.

So why on earth are they fucking like removing the kiss from the countries that need to see the kiss and start to really be like, okay, it's not the same thing?

Because they don't really, because it's, it's not really, they're not doing it for any other reason besides

like social awareness and points and stuff like that.

I don't know.

But if that's the case,

who needs to see it more, America or Iran?

Yeah, but Iran is like, we're not going to show it if you do that.

Well, then you stick to your guns and be like, okay, then you're not going to fucking get a print of it, Iran.

But then they don't make any money.

Well, what's more important?

I think to do that.

No.

But they're just the, then they're fucking outright, like, it's so transparent then.

It's very empty.

Yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

I don't think they're even putting it in.

Like, again, I don't care that they put in the guy.

It doesn't fucking matter to me at all.

Not at all.

But like, when I look at it, I don't, like, here's the thing.

I don't think they're putting it in to be socially aware and conscious.

I think they're doing it because they think that's what people want to see right now in America.

Okay.

So they're not, nothing sincere.

They're not putting it in sincerely and they're not taking it out sincerely.

But do you know what what I'm telling you now?

Like, to kind of get on their high horse and be like, we know there's going to be some backlash and blowback from the kiss

from

people in America, but too bad.

But then when it comes to

the countries that are fucking like,

we'll fucking kill somebody if they kiss like this.

Right.

That's the place where you got to show it.

That's where you got to break down the walls.

That's where you got to, but that's where you also can't because they won't allow it.

Yeah, they're just not going to do it.

You're right.

It's so fucking ridiculous that they're like, hey, man, maybe you're not ready for this America button.

It's fucking coming your way.

It's like,

no, we're ready.

We've been ready.

We don't care.

But the, yeah, but like.

Like,

why are you in our fucking faces about it?

Like, what the fuck?

But who's in your faces about it?

I don't stem.

Well, I saw it like, you know, when I saw some PR from the movie, they were talking about the kiss and like how it was going to upset some people.

Okay, it probably will.

And Disney was like, you know, we're not going to remove the kiss for anything.

Yeah.

Except

for money.

Except when we sell it to a market in the Middle East where

they won't even show it with the kiss in it.

Because if enough people in the United States, if that movie flopped and everybody was like, I didn't go see it because I heard that there was a dude kissing a dude and that happened in America, they would take it out of America too.

No way.

They can't.

Of course they would.

They cannot.

That would be, Disney, I know they might consider it.

Yeah.

But that would be the, then they can never, ever fucking,

they can't.

They could never come back from that if they removed the kiss in America.

What do you mean to come back from it?

Because I think the backlash would be

ginormous.

But if they lived in a world in the United States that was like, we don't want to see it, they would drop it.

Oh, you're saying if like, oh, yeah, they would drop it.

Like if they tried to do that in 1960s American.

They're a corporation made up of people that come and go, that fucking quit the job, that take the job.

It's not a person.

They have no moral obligations or moral stance.

It's a paperwork.

but don't why aren't people more upset at disney though for not not sticking true to their guns and not releasing it to uh the middle east with the kiss because i don't think disney would listen because i don't think disney would be like look we hear what you're saying and we we believe in what you're saying so much that we're going to give up hundreds of millions of dollars

don't you see like don't you feel like like they're getting off easy then by not being taken to task for like for compromising what they what they believe in

to to for money uh i mean the hypocrisy is unbelievable exactly and

you like you said earlier it's like it's easy to stand up to people who don't care

it's like what are you talking about like we don't care

and it is i mean then you're talking about like is disney a corporation trying to make money or is disney uh a corporation that's trying to

extend moral uh lessons to people to other countries which they're not in the business of proselytizing, unless it's to America.

Well, I think they're reflecting America.

Right.

They're reflecting America, but there's no need to come out and say, like, hey, we're not going to take it out no matter what.

It's like, nobody's asking you.

Nobody fucking even mentioned it.

But to say they're not going to take it out and then take it out

when all the Middle East is like, well, then we're not going to show it.

And they're like, okay, we'll take it out.

How the fuck do they not take more shit for that?

That to me is

so spineless.

Yeah.

That like, I don't know how Disney isn't getting more flack for that.

Well,

my point is it's not spineless because

they don't need to possess a spine.

They need to make money.

That's all they need to do.

They're a corporation.

They should have no spine.

Yeah, but they act like they're

Disney.

How do they act that way?

They act like they're the conscious, though, of

their PR people, through their spokespeople.

I mean, those PR people are probably reflecting the attitudes of producers that are making it the movie at the time.

That's my point.

The corporation of Disney has no point of view.

It's just the people that are.

But it doesn't feel like that's the case, though, when

you see the promotion for the movie before it's coming out, it's not about

celebrating Jack Kirby or celebrating these great characters.

It's about celebrating, like, not celebrating, but it's like making sure that like they

tell you all the things that are in there that are very social conscious.

Because that is what sells right now.

Right.

That's what I'm trying to say.

That's the only reason they're saying it because they know it's good publicity and it'll make people go see the movie.

That's it.

They don't care any more about being socially conscious in here than they do about it.

So you're saying that you don't hold them to any standard to be like when they say we're not going to remove the kiss and then they go and they remove the kiss in other countries?

I hold them to no standard.

Wow.

Okay.

Well, it's a it should be like, well, of course that's their stance.

Of course it is.

Of course they're hypocrites.

Of course.

That's what I mean.

It's a very cynical take, but that's how I feel.

I'm just like.

Right, that should be your expectation.

Yeah, that's what I think.

Okay.

I think that there are.

Plus, you know, you think about that kiss, too.

I actually

am going to defend it even thematically in the movie.

I think it makes sense, that gay kiss, but I'll tell you why.

Because

they turns out that they were, I don't know if this is spoiler alerts or whatever, but it turns out that the Eternals end up to basically be robots of a sort.

And their program is such that they shepherd the world to enough humans live on the planet, and that allows the energy to allow the celestial to break free.

That's what we were told, right?

And they start breaking their programming and start caring about the planet and shit like that.

So to me, it's just like that, that character who was gay shouldn't have been gay because his purpose on the planet was to make sure that there was enough life on the planet for the celestial to come, which is directly not going to happen if you're dealing with homosexuality.

You know what I mean?

Well, they had a kid.

Well, they adopted some kid, but my point point is.

You don't know.

You know what?

I didn't even think about it.

I thought that he was, since he was an eternal, that he created that kid

out of like cosmic dust or something.

Well, why did you sound real complicated as opposed to just adopting a child?

Because I thought the kid was showing signs that he was special.

Like he had when he was talking to the other eternals.

Oh, I thought he was just like a wait, special as in like

No, no, I thought he, I thought they were laying the groundwork that

he, like, so, remember, even they said, so our kid can grow up.

Remember they had the argument with his husband?

Yeah.

I thought that kid was

more than an adoption.

I didn't get anything.

I just thought it was just, they were just doing like a family.

Because remember Spirit or Sprite?

Yeah.

She was like, I'm cursed to never have to be able to love or have a family.

And I'm like, well, why not?

I mean, she could find somebody to fall in love with who is that looks like her age.

Like, she could fall in love with a 14-year-old.

But don't you think that's weird that she would fall in love with a 14-year-old?

Well, how old is she?

She's 7,000 years old.

That's pretty old.

I mean, I will grant you that on that sort of time scale, there's no difference to a 7,000-year person between a 50-year-old person and a 14-year-old.

So maybe you're right.

And I'm like, and she's probably old enough to have a child if she was going to go

the human way to have a child.

Sure.

If her body reproduces or does the same kind of things that it's not.

Yeah, we don't even know that they can.

They probably can't.

That's why I thought that since he created machines, I thought maybe he also created that boy, too.

I thought he just fell in love with a dude and got married,

which to me, my original point was like, that would be a change in his programming, too.

Oh, yeah.

Well, they all fucking fell in love, though.

No, no, no.

But for him to fall in love with a man who has no chance of procreating would be against what their mission on the planet was anyway.

But wouldn't you say, though, that it would be easier for

a robot to fall in love with

any male or female?

Because they're just purely attracted to personality.

Sure.

But like a human being, you know, like God.

Well, wait, hold on, forget.

Forget that.

We were implanted.

Some of us are implanted to be attracted to the opposite sex and some of us aren't.

But they would have no such preconditions, though, these celestials or the eternal.

It doesn't so much that everything that they were doing on the planet was supposed to lead to more humans.

That's what I'm just saying.

Like, not breeding doesn't make sense if your main reason on the planet is to get as many people.

So his programming, to me, it was like that was another part of the programming that changed, which I thought, like, that actually makes sense.

Well, why would they have genitalia?

And we know they did because we saw Circe and Icarus in Quitus.

That's a great question.

These fucking celestials didn't think this through.

They would.

Millions and millions of years of putting dongs on robots.

That's why, like, with that fucking...

How many millions was that movie cost to make?

Probably 200.

Yeah, around 200.

You can't, like,

throw somebody on the fucking, in the writing room that fucking read that book backwards and forward.

Yeah.

And be like, well, what about this?

Or what about this?

And what about this?

Explain this away.

So then we're not sitting here, you know,

fun doing this?

Yeah, but we get no real definitive answers, though.

That's life, too.

Yeah, now the eternals is did you think that uh they all represented

you know, Icarus represented Superman, yeah,

that was the idea that all our legends were came from the eternals.

Yeah, I was surprised by how much I liked it.

Aside from the romance shit, I was just like, this fucking sucks.

Please cut this out.

At one point, you just look over, you're like, who fucking cares?

I go, who gives a shit?

Yeah.

Do you, Bri, as somebody who knows Q very well, do you feel that

his hatred of the romance angle is just, is that just him?

Or did you agree with that?

Like, is that just him being like, you know, he's jaded?

He doesn't like really, he doesn't want the love story in a superhero movie.

No, I agreed with him.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I'm like, if you took out this romance shit, you could cut 40 minutes out of a two-hour, 40-minute movie.

And it wouldn't affect the plot at all.

It wouldn't affect the plot at all.

You wouldn't care.

You just like the whole like, Cersei, I love you.

And Cersei was just like,

what a boring character.

Yeah, she wasn't really like,

I didn't fall in love with her.

No, I mean, while I was watching it.

You know who else I didn't fall in love with?

I'm like Angelina Julie.

I'm like, all right, enough of you already.

Get out of here.

She looks pretty.

You're so pretty.

She's so mid-2000s, man.

Get out of here, Angelina Julie.

She looks great.

I'm not saying she didn't look great.

Yeah, I thought she looked good, too.

Yeah, she did look good, but I was enough.

I'm done with her.

Yeah, enough.

I think

if they had just cut out half the flashbacks,

all the flashbacks were was to tell you how much they loved each other.

Yeah.

You know, and I don't even get why he left for 500 years.

Because he didn't want to tell her something because he thought he loved her too much, he would reveal the secret of the eternals.

Yeah, I guess, or he knew that she would never go along with the plan, maybe.

Oh, he said that.

He said that.

He goes, I knew that you loved the humans so much.

I didn't want you ever to know that we were killing them.

Like, dude, but that's like saying, like, I mean,

human beings, how many fucking secrets do we keep from our loved ones?

So many.

How many?

And they're just like, I love you so much.

I would have to tell you the real reason why the Eternals are here.

Our mission is a sham.

If they were really turning into human beings, he'd have a lot more fucking secrets than that that he had to keep from her, probably.

Wow.

Yeah, I guess.

That part didn't really bother me so much because I guess because he was only gone for 500 years.

Well, it had to throw in that clunky thing that she was in love now with a human being, which went nowhere.

That's what I'm saying.

All the romance shit should have been taken right out of the movie.

But yeah, the rest of it really worked for me.

I like the flashbacks.

I like all the...

I thought that scene where the conquistadors were shooting the fucking Mayans was pretty fucking like that was pretty dark, man.

Oh, I thought you just didn't like the flashbacks with the love.

Like when they kept getting showing them getting married over and over.

Yeah, that shit.

It was like, there is no point to this.

Nobody cares.

It didn't even pay off.

Nope.

It never paid off.

Even the thing with, like, you know, introducing a new superhero didn't really pay off all that well either and didn't feel

like all that

pulled off well.

The Black Knight.

Oh, well, yeah, it was an after credits thing.

You're like, what is the point of this?

And it's like a very odd character to introduce in something so cosmic.

Yeah, maybe just because it was in Britain.

But was the Black Knight British?

He was, right?

Dane Whitman?

I don't think he was.

He may have been, yeah.

I don't really know all that much about the Black Knight.

He was before.

I know he used to fly

around on a winged white horse, though.

And he gave the horse to Valkyrie and the Defenders.

Like a Pegasus type?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, Grant Morrison did it too, right?

And the Seven Soldiers, he was in that as well.

That's DC.

That's DC, that's right.

Yeah.

It felt like a DC movie, actually, in a weird way, with all the Superman shit going on in it.

Yeah, it did.

Yeah, but yeah, thumbs up for me.

I still haven't seen Shang-Chi yet.

So much better in Shang-Chi.

Eternals was so much better in Shang-Chi.

I saw people complain about Shang-Chi.

Somebody was complaining that, like, oh, dress up a bunch of little Asian kids as Chang-Chi's.

Like, was there a part in the movie where there was a bunch of little Asian kids dressed up as Shang-Chi's?

Not at all.

No.

Just Shang-Chi just was so far removed from the original character's concept.

There's nothing,

almost nothing

that you can,

that is familiar to somebody who knew the original Shang-Chi.

There's just other than his name, there's really nothing there, which I understand why they felt they had to eradicate every single aspect of that character to make it

cleaner or more

acceptable to

a 2021 audience.

Yeah.

I get it.

But it wasn't done that well, though.

When I saw that gay kiss, I was like, oh my God, did somebody accidentally slip me some blue chew?

Because

I'm boy, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Yeah.

People are complaining in the theater.

They're like, hey, hey, keep it down.

You want me to get into this, Bry?

You forgot your glasses, so I'm going to be reading the copy here.

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Boy, look at all the, I'm not even going to mention it, but wow, look at all that underneath there.

A lot of, you know, see, this is one of your, you know, you haven't read copy in a while, but when I see it, it's usually like, here's what to say, here's what not to say, because you said it before, we don't want you to say it again.

Yeah.

But you got to be careful when you're dealing with medication, though.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you got to, you got to cover your

behind, especially when you're dealing with

Pluto.

Yeah, we got another spot coming up in a little while that's also a medication of a sort.

You said you had a story you wanted to tell.

Well, yeah, I didn't know how to,

but I had a, so Saturday, I wasn't sure if I was going to tell it or not, but you just made the decision for me, I think.

So Saturday night, I went to, it was a friend's birthday.

So I went out in Manhattan for the first time in a long time.

Got out around 4 o'clock.

Brought a female companion with me.

Brought a date

of sorts.

Had a night out.

Popped up the blue chew.

Popped a little blue chew.

Did you have blue chew just in case?

Oh,

as it turns out, it wouldn't have mattered.

So

got there, got to the bar in Manhattan.

We had gotten tickets.

None of this was planned.

It's my buddy's birthday.

Him and his date were going to go see the Temptation Show on Broadway.

And I happened to be off.

One thing came together.

We went out for drinks, dinner, and to go see this show, right?

I was excited.

I haven't been to a Broadway show in over two years so we get to the bar around four o'clock and i start drinking nothing crazy whiskey and beer go see the show whiskey and beer during the show uh

nothing during no whiskey and beer going into the show at the show i ordered the whiskey but mainly drank a water so i wasn't really drunk at all okay And then after the show went, we went to a place called the Hollywood Diner on the east side of Manhattan.

And we ordered some food, and there's four of us at this point.

And I'm sitting there eating the food, and suddenly the room starts to fucking spin a little bit and I'm like oh fuck man I go I guess I I hadn't drank in so long really that maybe maybe I'm just like getting a little hungover

so I get up and I'm like see I gotta go to the bathroom I go to the bathroom I get in the bathroom and the fucking world shuts out on me like like it gets dark like to the point where

I stumble into the sink like just like the next thing I'm blocking out lost my vision went black and I went down and I hit and I hit the sink right and I'm like holy fuck I'm like what's going on right now I'm like this this is crazy.

Room spinning, room spinning.

I'm like, do not pass out.

I'm just saying to myself, don't pass out.

Don't pass out.

You know, one, I don't want to land on the fucking bathroom floor.

You know what I mean?

And somebody comes in and sees you on the floor, like, all right, Jake.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wasn't even thinking that.

I was just like, just don't pass out.

So I open the sink and I can't still can't see it.

Like, I still don't have vision yet.

But your eyes are open, though.

Eyes are open.

And you're blind.

It's just all I see is darkness around the edges of vision.

That's all I i see is like a pinprick and it's fuzzy it's like i am i'm telling you like i i was going out um i and i'm trying to splash water on my face um

and then i just backs up a little bit like i like suddenly i was able to like stand up and see but the room was spinning my head was pounding pounding pounding room spinning it's and i'm like all right i'm like I can make it to the car because we parked right in front of the diner, the Hollywood diner.

I was like, so I'm going to do a swing by the table.

I'm going to tell my friend and, you know, the girl I had brought, I was like, I'm going to go lay down in the car for a second, whatever.

We were all drinking.

That sounds natural.

Yeah.

But like, I had stopped drinking really like four hours before.

And you know what I mean?

So none of it made sense.

So I get to the table and I do a drive-by and I say what I think is,

I'm going to go to the car to lie down, but apparently it came out like, I'm going to, you know, like, I'm going to, you know, something like that.

So they look at me

and I walk to the door and I, and I, and like halfway to the door, it starts going black again, right?

Dark, dark, dark.

And I can't see anything.

And the room's spinning so much, I was like, I'm going down.

I know I'm going down.

I can't fight it this time, right?

And I feel my legs start to go like Bambi, like all like shaky, like feeling my legs like shake.

I just felt like I was going so fast like this.

I was like, this is it.

I'm going down.

I can't even stay up.

So I blacked out and I went down.

And next thing I know,

my friend and

the date are lifting me up, right?

And they're going, you know, they're panicked.

You know, like, you're right, you're right.

And

I'm trying to talk, but I can't talk.

I'm like, I can't even get words out, but I hear them.

But the room's spinning.

I still can't get my eyes to see.

I can't open my mouth to function.

And I had passed out just in the foyer, leaving the diner onto the sidewalk.

And

they had some seating set out outside for outdoor seating, you know, because of COVID and stuff like that.

So, I hear my buddy go, All right, get him in that chair over there.

And like, could you walk, could you walk?

And I try and get up, and my legs just won't, they just won't go, okay?

Um,

fuck

so in the diner before we started eating, right, was this couple.

This, this is actually pretty important to the story.

There was this older guy in the diner, and he looked,

he had,

it looks like somebody, like a pirate slashed his face.

Like he had this giant jagged cut on his face with gauze just taped to it.

And the blood was coming through the gauze and he had one eye.

Was it Halloween?

No, no.

It was this guy.

He was so fucked up looking.

He looked like a Scooby-Doo villain.

He looked like he could have been 70 years old.

Everybody else saw it, not just you.

Yeah, yeah.

He looked like he was 70 years old.

He was thin as a fucking rail.

He was bald up top and had long, scraggly white hair.

He had the open cut on his face with gauze just taped over, like amateur, like job on it.

What the fuck?

It was nuts, right?

So, like, because when I was eating, I kept looking at the guy and I was like, look at this fucking goddamn mess.

I'm like, where are we?

Like, it was midnight in Manhattan, but I was like, what the fuck's up with this guy?

He looked like if we were watching Mad Max and this guy was an extra on screen, I would have been like, it makes perfect sense that this guy is, right?

So that guy was in the diner.

So, all right, so my buddy and the date get me over to the chair and they send me down the chair and I still can't answer yet.

I can't even get the word out.

So my buddy's going, should I call the ambulance?

Should I call an ambulance?

And I'm trying to say no.

I don't know why I was saying no.

Like clearly I needed an ambulance, but

he's going, so I hear him start calling the ambulance and the girl I was with is like,

can you say my name?

Can you say your friend's name?

And I can't do any of it.

And then another wave of it hits me so fucking hard, the blackness and the passing out.

And I pitch forward out of the chair and i fall into my date's stomach right and i'm and i can't lift my head

she's panicking you know she's like i don't know what to do and then the thought hit me i was like i was like i was like this is it i was like i'm i'm gonna die i was like this this is what dying is i was like it's a heart attack or the fucking shit my brain finally exploded on me or whatever's going on i was like

like this is it You know what I mean?

It was fucking pretty heavy shit.

But a feeling that I am familiar with because I've had it twice in my life where I was like, I thought, I thought I was going to die.

But I was like, fuck, man.

It was so fucking, you know, scary is not even the word.

It was beyond scary.

It was like

moving towards, like, just being in the moment, being like, fuck, this is it.

Like, I'm, I'm going to die.

And, and like, I, you know, whatever, whatever.

And like, just, I remember trying to grab details.

the weather, the, like, just how the wind felt on my face, what the sidewalk felt like under my feet, what, like, her stomach felt like with my face in it.

Cause I was like, like, this is it.

Like I'm dying.

Like I want to experience everything that I can, you know, just before I go.

And then

she starts going, could you say the alphabet?

Say the alphabet.

And she starts

singing the fucking alphabet like on the, and she started going A, B, C, D, E, F, G.

And she's singing at the sidewalk.

And for whatever reason, it just made me laugh.

And I fucking laughed and it broke, it broke the thing.

Like, and like, I started coming back to it.

And I was able to start talking talking because what, you know, and I go, she goes, she goes, can you talk?

And I go, and I go, I could talk.

I just want you to keep going.

It sounds really funny.

And

big relief.

They get me up in the chair and they get my head back.

Right.

And

I start, like, the world starts coming into focus again.

And I go, pounding headache, pounding headache.

And I feel so nauseous.

I'm going to throw up.

And the fucking and the only reason that I mentioned the guy from the diner is because that point he walked out of the diner and he looks at me and I look at him, right?

and I lift my head up and I look at him and he walks behind me and I go how the fuck is that guy in better shape than I am

my friends are laughing in his face

so my buddy goes all right he's you're gonna be all right you're gonna be all right but they called the ambulance already and and uh I mean even I there everybody was like you look just get in the ambulance So they got in the ambulance and for whatever reason we couldn't we couldn't figure it out.

My blood pressure fucking plummeted, just went down and they did it they did it uh they tested it was super low they had me stand up and it was even fucking lower and when they had me stand up it started doing but they did an ekg on me my heart was fine and everything and uh

and that was it they were like do you want to go they were like how long did it take you to feel 100 better uh the next day i had a pounding headache but that could have been the alcohol because even though it wasn't excessive i i don't drink that much anymore and it was whiskey and beer and stuff like that but the next day I was really like half-energy, and my head hurt.

And now, of course, it's back to the fucking doctors that I dealt with with the brain and back to the, you know, it's back into all that fucking shit of like,

you know,

getting tests and everything to see what happens.

Tests, more tests.

It's all the things.

But

nobody thinks it's a brain thing, which is good because it was blood pressure related.

Right.

One doctor told me that

there's a nerve.

He's like, there's no way to ever test for this.

He's like, we'll never know if this is what it was.

He goes, unless you have monitoring devices on you when it's happening.

He's like, there's literally no way to know if this is what happened.

He goes, but apparently, there's a nerve of some sort, and I'm butchering this.

But it's in the spirit of this that runs from your stomach to your heart to your brain.

And sometimes when you

find the right combination of carbohydrates and you know, whatever shit I was eating and alcohol,

like a rogue message goes from

your stomach through your heart to your brain, and your brain interprets it as your heart sending the signal to your brain and

gets basically gets freaked out and shuts down your system and you faint.

And he goes, He goes, That might have been what it was.

He goes, But we'll never know if that was it.

So now I'm just in the middle of all testing and shit like that.

But holy fuck, dude, I'm telling you, I thought I was a goner.

Like, I, I, like, I, I, I know, you know what I mean?

It's like, it was weird.

It was like this weird acceptance of what was happening to me.

And, and this real, like, trying to just,

the fucking weird thing of just trying to sip in details of life before I die.

And like, since then, I've been walking around, you know, and this happened to me

after I had the stroke as well, but I've been

walking around a little bit being like, all right, this is like,

like, even when I went out to the car to get the bottle of whiskey, like there's red trees across the street i stopped in the parking lot and i was like just take a second look at the leaves that i was leafing

i was leaf peeping in this in a parking lot in jersey because i was like man like like i i remember how important to me like the fucking pavement was in that moment and just feeling it before

and and just celebrating it like if it was the last thing that i would ever feel in my life it was pretty crazy It's pretty out there.

Wow.

And you texted us both on Sunday.

Yeah.

And you're like, are we going to the movies?

And you said, I got a funny story I want to tell you.

This is the funny story.

This is a funny story.

I thought I was going to die.

Yeah, it's a funny story.

Yeah, I wanted to go see the movie because I was like in that thing of like, I want to go to the movie with my friends.

I was like, I want to go to the movie with my friends.

Like, I want to die.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, it's pretty fucking nuts, man.

And how long were you in the hospital for?

I never went to the hospital.

They didn't take you to the hospital?

No, they did the

EKG in the

ambulance.

And they were like, look, they were basically like, your heart's okay.

So it's not that.

So

they were doing that thing like, do you want to go to the hospital?

Or you just want to go home and get it?

Did they think that maybe did they assume it was?

They thought it was the alcohol.

Because I clearly wasn't drunk, but

they were like, you don't, you know.

They're like, alcohol, this is what alcohol does.

I mean, I've seen, like I said, I marveled that, and I told Brian, I've never seen anybody handle their alcohol the way you do like I would never be able to tell so like when you you know you so yeah you don't seem to be somebody that like

he's got the constitution of a chronic alcoholic

but like I

no I mean I would think you would like it it might not have been that you would not be like some lightweight that would be like no that's what I'm saying it wasn't blind

a drunk it wasn't a drunk I passed out there it was some my blood something with the alcohol might have affected my blood but depressed alcohol is depressing is what she said in your system.

So it might have just hit the switch too hard and just brought my blood pressure down.

Boy, this is a great segue into the

target

of my enemies he was drinking.

But, you know, then they said it was, you know what it was, is I later spoke to my doctor and he said it was shitty.

It was shitty bourbon whiskey that caused it.

So I was like, if only I had some good bourbon whiskey.

Yeah, you can't drink.

Speaking of good bourbon whiskey, you want to hear about our newest sponsor, Q?

I would love to.

It's called Blood of My Enemies, and it's a Victory Bourbon.

You just got a bottle right in front of you right now.

I'm looking at it right now.

It's a really snazzy label.

Yeah, it's kind of cool.

It's got a skull with two axes.

It says scars and stripes.

Yeah, this is a manly.

This seems like this is like a, you got to kind of be a man to do.

Well, bourbon is the, isn't that what Bond always drunk?

No.

Drank?

He drank

vodka, right?

Yeah.

What was bourbon?

Bourbon is definitely like a dude's drink, though, right?

Yeah, it's the type of whiskey.

That puts hair in your chest.

That's a man's drink.

Yeah.

This thing is steeped in what you might call today toxic masculinity, but which I call awesome.

So, you know, yeah, it's got the axes, it's got the skulls, it's mentioning scars.

I mean, the label says, The label in the back says, think about how far you have come.

Think about how many people said you'd fail.

The long hours, the grind, the sacrifice, Break records, smash goals, chase dreams, fight forever.

That's fucking, tell them Steve Dave.

That's fucking some scrappy, fucking man.

They told us we would fail.

We almost did.

Yeah, we broke records.

We put in long hours.

Which we did.

Make it hang one, two, and three.

Yeah.

The grind.

We're going to sacrifice.

Fight forever.

Or until my brain explodes and I'm going to go to the bottom.

Smash goals.

Chase dreams.

Yeah, really, man.

We live this philosophy.

And this bourbon is made by a listener, too, and an aunt.

And it's inspired from personal life experiences and the men and women who chase and accomplish their goals despite the hurdles.

And boy, life will throw many hurdles at you.

Fuck yeah.

I thought I was fucking, I thought I was going to black out when I saw my blacked out teeth.

But here you were in the bathroom, really, legitimately about to black out.

And I thought I was fucking, I was dealing with some major shit.

That's what life, this is what we're learning it puts the shit into uh perspective is that what happened to you like when you saw there were no teeth did you like your eyes went to pinpoints oh yeah

it's like the printer was like do you need a do you need a doctor do you want me to call an ambulance you need an ekg it's like no you just should have used a jpeg asshole

vector what the is it you used a jpeg

nobody's even heard of a vector i think the funny part of the story was i know we're in the middle of the ad but i know he wanted to tell him steve day experience

think the funny part of the story, because I got a little wrapped up in reliving it, was

it was the guy who strolled past me, but also the fact that I was on a date.

You know, did I get laid that night?

I was called feeble

by the date because we watched

the new Caribbean.

That's a really bad word, yeah.

Do you watch Caribbean news?

Oh, yeah, I did see the new one news.

So there's a new one where Larry David walks into a glass door and his girl breaks up with him because he's feeble.

And it's not just a girl, it's Lucy Lou.

And then he does something else and Leon's like, that's two feeble things in one day.

So now, so we had watched that episode.

So even though she was joking,

she's like, well, that's one feeble thing.

And like, now the joke in on this fucking plane I'm trying to land over here is that I'm feeble.

I'm sure you'll show her, though, feeble.

I've yet to.

I've yet to do a comeback around.

I am so confident.

I've yet to show, to mount any sort of comeback once over.

Once you get on there, you're going to break that Bronco.

There'll be no feeble words thrown around.

Who's feeble now?

Well, me, because, you know, the Bambi legs and then me like drooling and moaning into her stomach while I'm trying to get away.

You can't say the alphabet more, honey.

But

you can't let it get in your head, though, because as soon as you let it get in your head, as soon as you're ready, then it'll start to happen again.

If it happens then on mounting, there's no coming back from that.

That's the feeblest of feeble.

Yeah.

you can't outfeeble that.

Bring some blood of my enemies with you in case.

Yeah, all right.

Now, see, we're back into it.

Because the hurdles thrown at them from family and friends and enemies and life.

Any enemies, Brian?

Do I have any enemies?

Yeah.

I don't think so.

Not really.

No, it's a good way.

I think that's the way to check out of life, make sure you don't have any enemies.

Yeah, I think I'm just too indifferent.

You know,

there's notes of walnut, pecan, and caramel in the aroma, and a smooth finish with minimal, if any,

bite.

That's what the ad copy says.

Yeah, we had a we had a little bit of a swig earlier.

We took one to try it out, and uh, fucking strong stuff, man.

Put hair on your chest for sure.

Do you need hair in your chest?

I do not.

I have too much, and it's starting to go gray, so now it's embarrassing.

I'm people.

I'm people.

90-proof and distilled in charred oak barrels.

Great on the rocks.

In a shot, or with your favorite bourbon cocktail.

Order from

BloodofMyEnemiesBourbon.com.

That's www.bloodofmyenemiesbourbon.com.

They have social media as well.

On Facebook, it's BloodofMyEnemies Bourbon.

And on IG,

what's IG?

Instagram.

Instagram, Bloodofmyrmin.

Instagram.

Blood of My Enemies Bourbon.

Mary Beth has some notes here.

She's asking us to mention that it's very, very cool to support ants this holiday season.

We already know that, bitch.

We think you're talking to consulting that we have to be told that.

Of course, we're going to push the community aspect of it.

So order a bottle for you

and a friend or an enemy.

You got to correct that, man.

Oh, don't worry.

There'll be some correction tonight when I get home.

He's also a veteran, this guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Served from, what does it say here, 2002 to 2006.

Did 13 months in Iraq.

I mean, he's over there fucking fighting the good fights.

He's fighting our enemies.

Yeah.

At least you guys can do it.

If you're going to drink anyway,

if you're going to drink anyway, why not drink his fucking burger?

Yeah, you know what?

I'm going to take this home.

You know, I told you I'm going to make that apple cider with the whiskey in it.

I'm going to use this.

As soon as my doctors clear me.

Are you scared off now from having any more drinks?

No, because,

you know,

no, I don't drink that much.

I don't know what it was.

It's never happened before.

If it happens again, then I might.

Have you had a drink

since then?

No.

Nothing happened.

Nothing.

No, I've been good.

No problem.

Two days later, I went for

a four-mile walk, and I felt a little dizzy, but I was also going uphill.

So who knows?

But since then, I've been fine.

Just going to the doctor.

I just did a lot of blood work today and stuff like that.

It's fucked up as you get older, the more you think about checking out.

I think sometimes I'll be lying there there in bed and I'm like, all right, it's probably not going to happen tonight.

And it probably won't happen tomorrow night either.

But the night will come.

And it could.

By the way, it could be.

Absolutely.

It could, yeah.

You would be so lucky, though, to check out in your sleep.

They say that's the best way to go.

Really?

Not screaming in a fire or something.

Yeah, or, you know, or accident.

You know, or there's any number of horrible ways to do that.

Fucking piss-soaked New York sidewalk.

Yeah, but I'll tell you what, though, if I will, let's.

I've been thinking a lot about this.

Like, if I did die in that moment, even though it was a piss-filled New York, I don't think I want to be in my sleep.

Like, there was something to me in that moment of snatching whatever bits of existence I can on the way out the door that

I liked.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It made that sidewalk, that piss-soaked sidewalk was my entire

universe.

Yeah, but there's something to be said for, like, you know, you're dreaming, you're having a dream, and all of a sudden, no, you know, it just goes out and you don't even know.

Like, there's no fear, for sure, there's no like anxiety, there's no like the realization.

You're just you're in a dream that you just don't wake up from.

And that sounds pretty nice, too.

Yeah, I gotta hand it to you.

It does.

Like, I don't, I don't think I want to sit there like because you're like, oh, there's something like, I'm feeling the texture of the sidewalk.

I'm like, don't shit my pants.

Is that a real thought?

No, no, no, they didn't feel like I was in danger of that.

Oh, fuck, no, I lost my thought.

Dreaming,

sidewalk grasping at things.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But

I agree with you, Walt.

There is something to like just going because I wouldn't want to be like, I feel like I'd be on that sidewalk full of regret.

Oh, why didn't I do this?

Why did I do that?

You know, that kind of shit.

Yeah.

It wasn't like that.

It didn't, it wasn't, for me, in that moment, it wasn't,

there was no opportunity to reflect on things that you had gotten right or wrong.

It was, it was,

look, I wasn't dying.

So

you should have made something up.

Like, you were on the other side.

Yeah, yeah, right.

I talked to my grandmother.

But, like, so I'm not saying that I know what it likes to die to feel like you're dying.

I, you know, because I wasn't dying.

But in my head, I was.

Yeah.

So you may as well have been.

Yeah, maybe.

And does it like, I imagine it has to, again, it just

kind of resets and reorganizes shit in its proper way.

And, you know,

that's not a bad thing either, no?

No, and you know what?

It, it reset me back to how I felt after the stroke.

It did.

Which is good.

You know what I mean?

Because you forget.

Yep.

You know, you just forget what it's

like.

That, oh, fuck, that's right.

I'm lucky

type thing.

So,

I don't know.

All right.

Hopefully, Blood of My Enemies got what he wanted out of that.

I don't know if that was the,

but you know what?

That's how you celebrate, you know, being on this planet with a Blood of My Enemy shot.

Toss back one on the rocks.

Why not, man?

You're going to be dead one day, and what are you going to do?

Not have done it for you.

Well, I'm sure glad I didn't didn't drink any blood on my enemies like that's gonna be your fucking final thought of course it's not i just smelled it yeah and i felt some fucking hair sprout yeah

that is fucking smooth and it has a nice odor to it and even uh these this has come from somebody who hasn't smelled alcohol in in quite some time you think you could do a little capful could i do a capful yeah

this would be crazy

for the ad you're gonna do alcohol for the first time since you went

1988.

Holy shit, look at this.

Why, would that fuck me up?

No, not at all.

Yeah, hold on.

No, that little tiny cap.

Go about a sip.

Half a cap.

Half a cap.

Yeah, all right.

Can you hear that?

Yeah, you can hear it, too.

Shit, dude.

All right.

Wow,

this is historic.

Wow,

I thought I would be...

Wow.

I thought I would be knocked out.

I thought there'd be X's on my eyes.

Look Look at you, man.

Give me more.

Yeah, I mean, fuck, dude.

I'm more manlier than I thought.

Yeah, Gedam's concerned.

Wow.

So that was the first alcohol that's passed your lips in.

1988.

Holy shit.

You didn't hear any coughing?

No, no.

Well, again, I only wet at my whistle.

I didn't take any big swigs or anything.

No, but you could have been like, ew,

this is what Blood of My Enemies is all about.

So hopefully, Blood of My Enemies, you know,

for the money he paid for this ad,

you know, I broke my

dry spell.

My fucking 20, what, almost 30-year dry spell?

Holy shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, you know, it's not like you did it for Blue Chew.

Nope.

You know, you don't take any medicine still.

Nope.

I just hope I don't slur my words before this podcast.

All right, Debbie.

Flatter, get him.

He's disappointed.

Is he?

Oh, but I do have to wash it down with a Coca-Cola.

A little Coca-Cola over there.

Wow, man.

That's historic.

Episode 499, baby.

Yeah, right.

You would have thought that'd be on 500 that I did.

That's right.

I get blotted on 500 instead of 499.

Wow.

I'm going to fucking, I feel like fighting somebody right now.

Get him, get back in here.

Wrestle.

Take your shirt on.

Pop it off.

Yeah.

Before we get out of here, I wanted to ask you,

either one of you guys, I guess, how you would handle.

Like, do you remember you saw Bugsy, right?

Oh, I mean, I would have remembered.

Warren Beatty?

Yeah.

I would have remembered.

Should I see it again?

No, no, no.

Not good?

No, I mean, I don't know.

I haven't seen it in a while either, but I do remember there was one part where Warren Beatty, you know, Bugsy, he goes up to somebody's house and he's like, he knocks on the door.

The guy comes at the door and he's like, I'd like to buy your house.

which basically was like, I'm going to buy your house.

Yeah.

And I was like, how do you handle that?

If some like guy who's clearly connected is like, I'm here as a representative of a very important person, he's going to buy your house.

Well,

what does he offer them anything?

Is it fair?

It's a fair price, sure.

But now you got to move.

I'm in the market anyway.

Are you?

Yeah.

Oh, the water?

Too much?

Yeah.

Let them handle it.

They can afford it.

Oh, no.

You want to buy my house?

I mean, I know you wouldn't want to sell.

You just.

I wouldn't want to sell, but I would.

Look, if it was like, I mean, if it was like fucking, what's his name?

Who is the John

Gotti?

And he came up to my house and, like, he's such a famous, dangerous mobster that I know who he is.

Yeah.

I mean, I'd probably be like, John, I know the way the world works.

I know I got to do this, but you got to give me more than the house is worth.

You got to let me wet my beak a little bit for my troubles.

Oh, he respects that.

Yeah.

I'll be like, I'd be like,

if you go...

He might.

I'm like.

like, just using the term,

I'm like, if we, oh, if we can go 15% above market, I'm happy to sell.

Yeah.

What am I going to do?

What offer is this?

You might turn around and be like, I'm about 15% below market, bitch.

You want to keep talking?

And I'll be like, I'll go back my shit.

Yeah.

I don't know, man.

You can't fight back, right?

I feel like you can't.

What brings this up?

I don't know.

I was just, I was thinking of Bugsy, and I just, I thought of that moment, and I was like, I wonder what, like, well, actually, the question first started, but I never asked you, like, if when you used to work at the stash, if somebody came in and they're like, we want weekly payments, like, who do you go to?

Oh, I thought, yeah, I think you asked this on the Commonwealth Men during

what, like,

when one of those guys were there.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not getting my legs broken

for 5%.

I mean, like, I'll just give it to them.

You know, I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, because it's not even like he's going to break Kev's legs.

He's going to break your legs.

Yeah.

So what the fuck?

I mean, you know, if

it came to that, yeah.

I mean, you're not going to win that battle.

It's fucked up, right?

Like,

I got to move.

I wish a mob guy would come to me and be like, you got to move.

You don't own the house, though.

No, I mean, it's still any chance to get the fuck out of there.

So just other than having to fucking on the fly have to find a house immediately.

That's true, yeah.

I'm glad he doesn't come back.

Because his offer would be nothing.

Because what are you going to do?

You're going to go to the FBI?

You got to wear a wire.

Like, suddenly I'm involved in a mafia operation.

I don't want to do this.

I mean, look, I don't want to be chased off my property either.

I don't want to be that guy.

You know, I'm already feeble and fucking.

You got no chance.

But what are you going to do?

You can't fight the mafia.

Like, who the fuck am I?

Elliot Ness did.

Yeah, he had the backing of the U.S.

government.

I got the backing of Salvo Can.

What am I going to do?

You're my most Italian friend.

Yeah, no way.

It just wouldn't happen.

So I got to.

Yeah, I'd probably have to go.

That would suck.

That would break my heart.

I love my house.

after all that work you put in and he's like i like it it's mine now it's a fucking

disgusting broke down house that nobody even looked at twice until i got my hands on it that house was uh i gotta say it was like when you first got it it like the especially like the um landscaping out bad oh it was a nightmare and yeah like a lot

of huge difference it was an abandoned house yeah my mother recently was like i i thought she's like i thought you were insane for buying that house she's like i she goes i did not there were holes in the ceiling.

You know what I mean?

Like, yeah, but what you can do

now, Gotti comes along and he fucking knocks on my fucking door until you're hard work.

Oh, man, it would be so bad, dude.

What are you going to do?

There's other houses.

Sleep with the fishes or sell your house.

I'm going to sell the house.

I'm a fucking pussy.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.