#500: It’s The Big One

Hello and send 13%

of every shape and size to the 5th hundredth episode of Tell'em Steve Dave

with a little before heard version of the intro we all know and love

the one

the only

Jay Sarge

well ladies and gentlemen

for your enjoyment.

I feel like you're not setting it up properly.

Never discount the sausage.

Oh, I'm very excited about this.

Weren't you raised in a home with Rudolph?

No.

Yes, you were.

Come on, fucking.

You fucking liar.

No, MingLazPoop.com, right?

No, that's not his fucking email, Mr.

Tweet Machine.

You're a little older, a little wiser, a little less fucking willing to have shit in my mouth.

I have a friend who is pretty lonely.

There's no crime in having long hair.

It's only one of those things I've ever had in my mouth, Ming.

And swallowed.

Any successful relationship is based on a healthy foundation of law.

I like how five people are like, nah, I don't think so.

Walt.

He's like, you're all fucking idiots.

I didn't even want you.

I fucked your mother.

She wouldn't get an abortion.

And now here we are.

Hey, let's go.

Not too good, bitch.

I'm in pain, don't you know?

How am I

fucked?

I'm gonna fucking throw up.

I'm gonna fucking throw up.

There's a connection there between me and Gedham that you guys that I don't think have or see.

Or Juan.

caveat emptor, bitch.

I hope his kidneys fail.

I hope he dies.

I think you're all one hypnotism away from one of the fucking

this is gonna be fucking awesome.

I can't believe that.

I can't believe that.

I don't remember that.

Walt Flanagan, what are you doing?

Jerking off to Cornelius in the bathroom?

Fucking no cameras while we're drinking baby blood.

You gonna come here and give me a hand job?

I gotta do that too.

Oh, this is an overkill episode.

Yeah.

I'll ride you.

I'll ride you?

I'll ride you, Overkill.

Yeah, I'll ride you.

Isolate that stuff.

Watch that.

Fucking if this isn't enough for you, then I don't know what the fuck to say.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to tell him steve dave you know episode 500 no biggie

what's the big deal q i mean if walt's not doing shots on it i'd say no no big deal at all that's true 4.99 he does a shot 500 i don't think we can look forward to that again we didn't even bring the booze i'm gonna do an eight ball

nice

i like that i like to see that i like the increasing stakes yeah

so we're here with bq

hello with walt

Hello.

With special guests

from Monster Magnet Dave Windorf.

I love Marvel.

Ah,

come on, man.

And from stage and screen, Sal Volcano.

Oh, yeah.

My favorite to be here.

He's my favorite always.

And you guys are fan favorites.

People love you guys.

Yeah, Dave's my favorite guest on the show.

I've said that many times.

Sorry, Salt.

How many podcasts have reached the 500 number?

Do we know that?

I think you're in a small class, really.

Got to be, right?

I don't think we know.

It's like us and Joe Rogan.

That's probably it.

Right?

Well, he does it every day.

Yeah, I think he's up to like 1500 or so.

Yeah, I think so.

But no, really, I'm like, how many other people are at 500?

Yeah, I mean, there's a graveyard podcast.

Just a small, small little handful, probably.

I mean, I'm completely speculating, but I have to imagine.

Yeah.

This is rare air.

I mean, because we really

rare it.

We don't miss that many episodes per year.

So if we've been doing it for 11 years now.

Yeah.

It seems like we miss a bunch a year then, no?

Maybe, maybe 10.

Yeah.

10 a year.

All right.

Something like that.

You and I did one.

We got to about 70.

Yeah, we did.

I was kind of annoyed.

I got to tell you that you guys only got to 70 because I don't listen to many podcasts.

That was one that I listened to regularly.

Yeah,

we're circling it, right?

Like we're circling it.

We're thinking about bringing it back, yeah.

Yeah.

It's just a matter of schedule and time right now, but we both want to.

Yeah.

So suck on that, everybody.

Yeah.

There's a little tidbit for you.

I have.

When is the Black Friday thing is next week, right?

No, it's still.

Yeah, it is.

I don't know when Thanksgiving is.

It's a day of the day.

I think you call it the Black Friday.

The Black Friday.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

That's what it's called now.

It's not called Black Friday.

Well, it sounds way better as the Black Friday.

It sounds very dangerous.

I like it.

But I had an idea.

I know we want to jump on the 500 episodes, but I don't know if we have another episode before it.

But I found the smoke machine in my house.

November 26th.

A fog machine.

A fog machine.

So I was thinking what I wanted to do is, like, because I'm going to come here one of the days, right?

Do it.

I think I want to smoke out one of the rooms and randomly invite people into a dark chamber of horrors.

I don't know what's going to happen in that.

It sounds like a lawsuit.

Yeah.

Dark chamber of litigation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, just like the door opens and like the smoke comes billowing out, and we're like, welcome.

And then they come in and then they get like a pin or something.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

But only like five people.

I don't know if we have,

you know, I don't know what that'll set off any of the smoke alarms in the building.

Oh, yeah.

Use fog machine because we have, we set it up.

You always shoot down my ideas.

No, no.

What can we do without the fog machine?

I could shoot it down too.

You know, we use a horrible, grimy film on stuff.

So we'll do the Waltz Prize stuff.

Cut that shit out.

I was so excited.

You know why I love this podcast?

Because, and why it's my favorite, is because every time you,

the thing that you guys have here is like this intangible where, at least when I come or when I listen, it always feels like as as pure as like when I used to hang out with my friends when I was younger I don't know you just know how to have fun you know I mean

we're fun guys there's always something going on it's always like I don't know you're always putting so much effort into it it really is like as opposed to just like you listen some people just talk you guys are always cooking up something it's like and it's it's like it's almost like playing for adults which I don't really play anymore and when I come here you guys are always playing around there's always something

this episode you know what I mean and I just like I don't I don't do that anymore It's so refreshing.

But it's like, I guess you see, from somebody looking from the outside, looking in, you know, it's that duck.

You know, everything is smooth on the, everything's fun up on top, but underneath, you see that duck?

His legs are moving so fast they're all about to break off from the

hell are you talking about?

It's not all fun and games.

When you see that duck is Walt.

Walt's got legs like Arnold.

Cues the beak, cries the neck, and Walt the feet.

To laugh,

but not to cry.

Because underneath it, it's all tears.

That's it.

Before we get too deep into it, I had a quick question.

Dave, you probably don't know this.

I got married about a year ago.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Still married.

Still married.

I thought he was going to be a lifelong bachelor.

I would have bet everything.

I would have went all in.

I would have pushed all in all my chips on lifelong bachelor.

When you start to reach an age where there's

less options,

you're like, who's going to take care of me?

That's one way to put it.

Yeah, but you know, you start, you know, you start to settle down.

Here's my question.

Slow down.

Slow down.

Slow down.

Yeah.

Here's my question.

If you have a wife who suddenly, slowly starts changing the brands that you grew up with and have loved and have used your whole life.

You used to use Tide.

Suddenly it's all.

You used to have Campbell's soup.

Suddenly it's Aldi brand.

What do you do about this?

We were just talking about Aldi, too.

We were just talking about Aldi.

I guess you got to pick your faves and stick to it because, I mean, it's a compromise.

Marriage is a compromise.

So it's like, can we please have Tide?

You can have your Aldi this, but I can't live without my Tide.

Well, the dish detergent is hard to do because I mean, she's got to do two loads of wash for him.

It's not the only load of dynamic drinks.

The soup is easy because you can just, you know, soup you can just put it can.

There you go.

But yeah, like you give her, you got to take the detergent on the chin,

and at least ask nicely for soup.

And, you know, brands are one thing.

Master of the house every year.

Honey, I was wondering if you think it's okay.

Maybe

we don't get soup from LD anymore.

But yeah, when you see the brands disappear, I mean, you definitely, I mean,

that's your whole life.

I went to get a small bowl of cereal last night.

I'm like, I'm a little peckish.

I'll get some cereal.

I'll get some life cereal because that's what I like.

I go in, and it's,

I'm going to show you a picture, Dave.

This is how she tries to trick me.

Why is she doing this to you?

I don't know.

I don't know.

She doesn't know, right?

She doesn't know that you're having culture shock.

Oh, no, she knows.

She knows what she's doing.

But this is

there's life and there's the brand.

What's that called again?

What is it called?

Original balance?

Original balance.

That is unacceptable.

Cereal is one you shouldn't.

You shouldn't have

told me that.

When it comes to taking detergent on the chin, which, by the way, has that sentence ever been said?

But you really wouldn't compromise it.

For the detergent, is it a sense thing or is it how good it works?

Detergent, she says it's because her skin's too sensitive.

Well,

is this a knockoff version of life?

It looks almost just like it, right?

Yeah.

Are her feelings too sensitive?

I mean, if not, fuck that.

I want to see if her pain receptors are too sensitive.

Oh, that's right.

That's right.

I feel for you because I don't know where that ends.

Right?

If I let it go too long, suddenly

I'm no car.

You're going to be riding a horse.

Yeah.

You know, I don't know.

I think it's better.

What would you do, Walt?

You would think she would never pull that on you.

Well, she did pull the detergent on me early on.

Been married since 1994, and she learned a hard way.

You can't switch detergents on me because we were in an emergency room with third-degree detergent burns

that I got.

And, you know, so

she literally learned sensitive skin.

You're a sensitive.

She's sensitive skin to me.

Although they're actually Irish.

So sensitive.

Yeah, I had like massive, like, weird detergent burns all over my body.

And I told you.

I have not heard of this before tonight.

I heard of it twice in one minute.

I don't know if people get burned by the detergent.

Well, yeah, I don't think I've done it.

Remember, you had to take me to an emergency room.

We were in Minnesota when, because the motel we were staying at,

I got detergent burns.

Whatever they used to do.

That's why I told my wife.

It wasn't bad burns from Brian.

Tossing around.

Yeah, so you're saying put my foot down before it gets too deep.

Well, it gets too deep.

Say I'm to make it a fight, but just I mean, just plead with her.

Say, look, you know, they're.

No, I'm begging her.

I think you should beg.

Walt is your wife in this instance.

And he had to go back because of his sensitive skin.

So if anyone can relate to Maribeth, it's right.

Yeah, I mean, like I said,

you got to concede on the detergent because of her skin.

It's all a compromise.

Do you want to look at third-degree burns on your woman?

Well, you know,

just so you can.

Tell them the third-degree burns.

Tell her that story.

Make up something like that.

I don't see tied.

I'll eat some of that balanced cereal, and then I'll guzzle some syrup of Ipeck and throw up all over the house.

I'll be like, see what you did now?

See what you fucking did?

Or

bring your laundry to your mom's and have your mom do your laundry.

Yeah.

Hey, 80-year-old woman.

Is there any way you can eat something and then temporarily stop your heart?

Because that'll scare the shit out of me.

You did this.

You killed me.

You can do your own laundry.

Come on.

We're looking for realistic solutions here.

Well, what do you think is more unacceptable, begging your wife for something or to just man up and do the laundry on your own?

Well, I'll tell you what, I don't really care about it.

Beg her.

Well, there you go.

That's the word.

You're not going to win.

If you put your foot down, you're not going to win.

Start begging now.

I had to lay into her about the superstar.

The detergent, I can see, but why would she just not get the box of cereal that you like?

Well, she goes, she gets for she goes to Instacart, so she like buys everything.

Well, what's available?

She's like, Well, I didn't go to shop right that day.

I just went to LD, so I got you this.

It's the same thing.

I'm like, It's not the fucking same thing.

And she even admits it's not the same thing because she tried some today.

She goes, Oh, that's that's that's too hardy.

She goes,

Give her their life, hey, give her the life's too short story.

What I do, life is too short.

Life is just too short.

She's mags if I'm going to go.

She goes

for like a diet ice cream and bad coffee.

The problem is bad food.

She's 26.

She has no concept of that.

She's going to live forever.

Remember that age?

She's looking well past my desk.

You're sunk.

She'll pour Aldis on your grave.

You'll rest in a bath of detergents that you don't like.

And sprinkle it over, like sprinkle it with your ashes.

Yeah, she'll put a big Aldi coffee can probably just like

you're destined to a life of like cheap brands and Aldi whatever's.

She's like, I grew up on Aldi.

I'm like, you had money.

Even my money.

Is she German?

No.

Yeah, she is, as a matter of fact.

Okay, yeah.

Is that a German corporation?

Oh, I should have known.

She's supporting the Reich.

So anyway, Walt.

Yes.

We have a lot of stuff planned today.

Yeah.

Wait, you know what we're going to do, though, real quick?

Yeah.

I got to thank everybody for listening.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

If it weren't for the people listening right now, and then, you know,

throughout the years,

we wouldn't get cereal.

Yeah, I'd be home eating fucking shitty cereal and I got getting detergent burns all over me.

Truly thank you everyone for listening and hanging in there over the years.

Like I really enjoy when I see somebody's like, I'm a day one listener.

And they're still here.

And they're still here this many years later.

It means we're doing something right, at least for them.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, who knows if we'll ever get to 600, so let's make 500, you know.

100?

I thought we'd say 1,000.

Oh, I mean, 600 is still two years away.

You don't ever know what's going to happen.

You know, who knows if you get to 501, if I'm being honest.

Yeah, you're right.

I mean, yeah, I guess you all got five.

We're going to hit my truck at the exact same time.

James confident we're going to get to 501.

But yeah, so I thought we would bring back some of the listeners' favorites called from over the last 500 episodes, some things we haven't done in years.

Bring it back for this episode.

But we play for two longtime listeners, you know, Team Brian Q

and Team Sal and Dave.

You're playing for representing a listener tonight.

And if you and Sal win at the end of the episode, that listener is going to get a whole bunch of prizes.

It's all about confrontation, isn't it?

Yeah.

That's Hollywood.

That's a motivated man.

People love it.

And

throughout the night, though, special guests are going to pop in.

Oh, yeah.

Stay at the table.

You see what I'm saying?

That's what I'm saying.

Listening favorites are going to pop in and out.

Once they pop in, they don't leave until the end of the episode.

So it's going to try to make it feel.

Even if we want them to leave?

Even if we want them to leave, Dave.

I told them they could stay.

All right.

So should we announce who Brian and Q are going to be playing for?

Sure.

Sherry Larkin.

All right, Sherry.

Sherry, we got you.

And

Sal and Dave are playing for the curator.

The curator.

Ooh, the curator.

Mysterious.

I don't know what his real name is.

He knows this shit inside and out.

He's a TSD

historian.

Yeah.

Like, okay, so then he's.

Oh, God.

So we have more to uphold for him then.

He represents

excellence in

education.

Does he mention what he curates?

He curates, tell him Steve Dave stuff.

He's like

Jones

He's got a monstromatic guy like that.

Yeah.

But I'm going to crush this guy.

Which guy?

The curator.

The curator.

We'll try and slow you down.

So, you're ready?

For the very first thing that we're going to do, we're going to bring back something that we haven't done in a long time and something very special because, Dave, you were on the very first

episode that we did this segment.

As I look back now, this is why I really, really was hoping you could come tonight.

I have fond memories.

The very first episode you were on, I believe we did something called One True Three.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Was this on Here Come the Fire Pigs?

I don't remember which episode it was, but on the episode, I revealed that I wanted to be a tap dancer when I was growing up.

Yeah, what come up?

Yeah,

that's the truth.

You never disappoint.

You never disappoint, mom.

There's no angle in which I can ever perceive it.

I can remember, like, if if there was a, if there was like a, like a piece of wood that fell off a house or

a shiny

I would run up to it and I would just like try to tap with my sneakers on.

Just a house dilapidated, burning.

He taps on it.

Anything that sounded like a clicking noise with my shoes, I would try to tap dance, even though I had no training.

Tap dance is coming back, so don't you know what?

Yeah, it is.

I mean,

throwing this shit out there.

At this point in my life, I think I'm past the age where I could ever become a professional.

Never say say never walt.

I'm going to get you a tap is life t-shirt.

Yeah, it was all about the sound, though, for me.

It wasn't about like dancing or anything.

It was that noise kind of

just kind of like resonated with me.

I can't tell you how many times we saw White Knights as a kid.

Over and over.

Sammy Davids Jr.

But for time's sake, we're going to do a what's on the menu slash one true three.

Okay.

Now, what's on the menu for Sal and Dave is where I reveal there's a only one food of the three foods I present I've actually eaten.

And you guys get one question each to figure out what the food is.

Okay.

I know it sounds completely like awesome.

I told you.

But for

no judgment.

Okay, so tell me one more time so I can understand.

Since Bry knows me since fifth grade, I can't do what's on the menu with Bry and Sal.

They're going to do the one, true, three with the stories.

You guys are going to get the what's on the menu, and we're going to do it right now.

Okay.

Okay, so I'm going to give you three foods, and you guys, as a team, can ask three questions, and then you have to give me an answer, which is the food that was on my menu.

Okay.

And the beauty of it is, because you'll figure it out as soon as I say what's on the menu is.

Number one, and it's for Thanksgiving, cranberry sauce.

Okay.

Number two, apple pie.

Or three, creamed corn.

You've eaten one one of those.

I've only eaten one of those.

Two of those you have.

I have never three questions.

You have never tried the other two.

I have never tried two of these.

You're too busy tap dancing, that's why.

But I figured, you know, I think, I thought it would fry your mind a little more to hear that possibly I've never had cranberry sauce or apple pie, you know.

It would fry my mind.

Or creamed corn.

I'm yeah,

all three are pretty, you know,

pretty unbelievable.

Yeah.

I think I got, I think this isn't to you.

This is us discussing.

I think the first question should be, have you tried cranberry sauce?

What do you think?

Yeah.

Then the next, have you tried cream corn?

And then we'll top it off with have you tried.

All right, Waltz.

Have you ever tried cranberry sauce?

Bill Belishak level of coaching right there.

I never anticipated something else.

We got your back, the curator.

That would take so much fun out of the game.

No, no, no, no.

I would assume that that's logical that we cannot ask.

Okay.

I won't do that to you.

All right.

But hey, it was fun while it wasn't in there.

Okay.

But can I just ask, then, what line of questioning

can we ask if it is not directly related to the food?

Yeah, I'm not sure.

Okay.

What the hell is?

What the hell is it?

This is a great game.

People love this game.

You guys are ruining it with like picking it apart.

And I just split it in truth.

Cranberry sauce, cream corn, and apple pie.

Apple pie.

So basically, we're trying to get down to the one that you left off the menu.

The one I actually have eaten.

Oh, just the one.

I've only eaten one of those three.

And I can't just guess.

Sure.

For time restraints.

I would like to move this thing around.

Yeah.

Well, I'm just, because

every question that comes up in my head is kind of pointed toward asking you, like, I could say, do you like pie?

Or have you ever tried, you know?

You could be like,

Have you eaten any other pies in your life?

That would be a good question.

Okay, yes, it would help us out the hair pie, and we'll all laugh.

Oh, it's a good one.

I'm trying to indirectly find something different.

Hair pie.

Come on.

Come on, everybody.

He's working on a new song and sound like there.

Yeah, pie pie.

Come on.

What if we ask him, like, do you enjoy?

I get a hair party today.

I send it back to the kitchen.

And I say, you shaved that apple.

You're just existential.

Get it back here.

What kind of man wouldn't eat apple pie?

What kind of man or human wouldn't even try a super smeller?

Are you aware of this?

Yeah, I don't know if you knew this.

I was diagnosed as a super smeller since the last time you were on the episode.

Explain.

Super smeller is somebody who's highly.

Like Daredevil with the hearing, but with the nose.

But it's not.

so you can smell the cigarettes on me and all that stuff as soon as you walk.

Oh, yeah.

You're in the parking lot.

Have I bathed today?

Have I bathed today?

Oh, Sal, it's self-diagnosed.

She has not been diagnosed.

Yes, he has been diagnosed.

He was the doctor.

Diagnosed by Dr.

Walt Flanagan.

I did think it could be some spectrum-level stuff going on with me.

Okay.

And this, but I knew it.

Yeah.

You're a fucking superhero, dude.

Oh, okay.

I knew it.

You're on the spectrum.

You're more autistic.

Yeah.

I feel like I am.

For real.

Super smeller?

No, on the spectrum.

Oh.

It's hard because I have all these things straight all of a sudden.

He's a super smeller.

It's like, what are you going?

But that would be a super smeller.

It's like, it's not a gift because

you could smell something and it will overpower you.

It'll make you feel nauseous.

And other people are like, I don't smell anything.

That's your problem.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been complaining about this for two days, including the car ride over here.

Couldn't enjoy, I couldn't enjoy Ghostbusters.

I couldn't enjoy Ghostbusters last night because a lady sitting next to me was wearing wearing too strong a perfume.

Yeah.

And now today I put dry shampoo on my hair and I can't stand the, and I was getting sick in the car.

Yeah.

Wait, what's dry shampoo?

It's like a powdery rubber.

Yeah.

Like a little spray.

Just gives you like a little body and bounce for the day.

Yeah.

Gotcha.

What are we saying?

What if we ask a roundabout question?

A roundabout question like, hey, well, what's your favorite?

What's your favorite part of a Thanksgiving meal?

Okay.

You know, mashed potatoes.

How'd that help?

Okay.

So like sides,

sides?

The main, the dessert?

The dessert.

I don't eat many desserts.

I guess my mother-in-law always gives me a little bag of chocolate turkeys.

That's like in the shape of a turkey.

Okay.

Not chocolate-covered turkey.

Okay, okay.

This is what she gives her son-in-law.

Can they smell them through the tin foil?

She puts them in a little net.

Oh, right.

Very nice touch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm her son-in-law.

I'm her favorite son-in-law.

That sounds delicious.

I'm having trouble because I don't know how to ask a question that wouldn't directly answer the fact that you wouldn't have one of them.

I think the trouble is that the question shouldn't even be asked.

We should be on.

We should just move on.

All right, yeah.

So, you guys take it to the baseball.

I think they should debate it based on our knowledge of you.

What do you think it is, Dave?

And then what about the final answer?

I was going to say cream corn, but now that you've mentioned a couple of things, my guess is you've never tried cranberry sauce.

No, it's the one I have tried.

The one you have tried yeah the one i have tried

what's on the menu that's why it's

free title right right right that's what's on the menu you love it i'll say you love this game i'll say i love it it's it makes sense you love the title you love it advances the world and it's 100 accurate i would never lie oh

no doubt what do you think it is cranberry sauce apple pie or cream corn which one i have i eaten

two of which i have never eaten i'm gonna say cream corn you ate okay sal would you agree with him okay i'll tell you what's going on in in my head.

Okay, uh, cranberry and apple are both based in the fruit world.

Cranberry's acidic, you know, I don't know.

Uh, so if maybe if you don't like one, you don't like the other, and maybe the only one you have tried is the cream corn.

That being said,

you just said you generally don't like desserts,

and that's what I was thinking, you know.

So, but as a kid, I don't know that cranberry sauce seems

like it could be appealing, it's a gelatinous red, you know, sweets thing.

And I figured as a kid, corn is the only vegetable in there.

And if you're a picky eater and you're growing up, maybe you never bothered with it.

And then you're past that now.

So it brings me back to square one.

I'm going to say either.

I was actually thinking apple or cream corn.

And I think I'm going to go with apple pie because I think that's...

the most insane of the three.

I think it packs a punch.

And I think that that's what you would include because that's really like, wow, you haven't an apple.

Wait a minute.

Okay, I think you're confusing.

What's on the menu means I've only eaten one of these.

Okay, so you, okay, so you've only

eaten apple pie in my mind.

Yes.

And I haven't eaten cranberry sauce or I haven't eaten cream corn.

But don't we have to agree?

Yeah, so you guys got to.

Okay, so you said cranberry sauce?

I say cream corn.

He says cream corn.

Cream corn is the thing that he ate.

Mm-hmm.

It's the thing you ate.

Yes.

But what's on the menu?

I'll agree.

The other two are fruit.

And.

Oh, man.

I don't know.

I think the only thing he ate is cranberry.

What are we going to do?

We don't know.

All right, well, it's all.

In the essence of time, as you say, I'll go with what Dave says.

You go with Dave?

Dave is very persuasive.

As my friend since 1980,

80?

80 or 30.

78.

He says cranberry pie.

What do you think it was, Brian?

This is why you're not allowed to play the game.

Right, what do I think of it?

You're the goat.

What's on the menu?

I think that you have tried

apple pie.

Oh, you were going to say apple pie was on the menu.

Yeah, I was going to say it was on the menu.

The curator's got one point because what's on the menu was cream corn.

He ate that shit.

No.

He's afraid.

That's really.

I mean,

nobody likes cream corn except for it.

Wait, you said you tried it.

You didn't say you liked it.

Yeah, I've eaten cream corn many times as a kid, but I haven't eaten it in decades.

Really, that seems to be like the kind of thing that you wouldn't eat.

It's the consistency.

You got to look at the API corn.

The other stuff is a lot of fun.

He's never had cranberry sauce or sweets and all that stuff.

It was just too much.

Cream corn was a neutral thing.

What did he have?

He tried it.

Are you confused, Sal?

Get used to it.

but i just thought like i never had apple pie before never tried it you still haven't would you consider him a commie what the fuck is wrong so you haven't had apple pie right right i was thinking of this delicious

they stumbled into the right answer i didn't think you would have had the apple pie never had apple pie stuff a cranberry and cream corn never had cranberry sauce okay just the smell of it alone just like i just didn't like i didn't like the look of apple pie either and uh sal mentioned the word gelatinous which is always yeah scary yeah it's not it doesn't have to be gelatinous all right so you guys get get a point.

I need a pen, Bry.

There you go.

So Sal and Dave get a point.

Wow.

Curator.

All right.

So Brian Q, you get the one, true, three.

I'm going to try to move this along a little bit quicker than what's on the menu.

That one went longer than I could.

Well, there you go.

You know, we're pros at this.

Yes.

These guys, it would have gone fast if you just let me ask you, have you had everyone?

Give me 15 minutes and I'll give you an answer.

And you guys, and you guys are more than welcome to

comment on this, even though you're not playing for any points.

Maybe you could steal it too if they get it wrong.

Maybe we'll decide later.

Depends how far ahead you guys get it.

You want to keep a close game going?

You can reach across the table or you can put your arms around your hands around somebody's throat.

So the first story, they all involve going to the post office because that's been my life lately is going to the post office and mailing things.

While dropping off mail at a post office I don't frequent all that often, I entered the building and two workers were behind the counter wearing street clothes.

They nervously looked at me when I approached them and looked at each other like, you know, what are we supposed to do here?

Which I noticed right off the bat was very strange behavior.

I approached the counter with a tote of packages with a scan sheet.

Now, a scan sheet allows them to just scan the sheet and like if you have 100 packages in that tote, all the packages are checked in.

Okay, convenient.

So it's nice and easy for the postal worker.

So I handed her the tote and I handed her the sheet and she didn't know what to do with the sheet.

She was like very like indecisive what to do and she's like, oh, I don't need this.

Something I've done a hundred times now.

I was like, well, no, you definitely need to scan this.

I said, or else I have no record of

me dropping off these packages.

There'll be no tracking record for the people who are awaiting them.

And she says, nope, I don't need it.

That's okay.

I don't need it.

And tried to just blow me off and grab the tote from my hand.

Which then I said, nope, actually, I'm sorry.

I go, this is the wrong tote for that scan sheet.

I said, I pulled it back because I didn't want to give it to her.

I was so alarmed by their behavior.

And when I took it back from her,

again, the two workers in street street clothes, not even in postal employees,

like just looked at each other like they didn't know what the hell was going on.

So I thought something was really

amiss in this postal installation.

So I went outside, I called the cops, and I said, I think you need to come down here and check what's going on because something is not right in this post office.

I think they're maybe robbing the place.

Like a die-hard situation or something.

Because it just feels like they had no idea what to do behind the counter.

They looked at each other.

Were you in a post office?

Was I in the post office?

Yeah, you were in like KFC.

No.

So I was thinking too.

So I called them and I said, look, I know I'm probably overreacting.

I said, but you might want to come down here and take a look, just see if everything's okay down here.

And I was waiting for the cops to come.

And

a postal truck pulled up, went inside, and came out with mail.

So when that happened, I was like, okay, this is probably not the situation I thought it was.

So I just left and didn't wait for the cops to come.

Okay.

And never went back to the post office.

Wow.

All right.

So I did call the cops on the

fishy behavior going on.

I wanted them to hurry, so I called in a bomb threat.

Story two.

Go ahead.

No, I'm just thinking about what your conversation was with the 911 operator.

I just said that.

Like I was trying to mail something, and the lady had no idea what a total.

You know, the scan,

she didn't know what that was.

I would get a unit down here, ASAP.

So, this other one, I'm trying to make

a personal connection with every postal employee I go in with.

You know, I try to talk to them and try to make them feel like they love you down there.

Because they don't, they hate me because I bring so much mail down there.

But I'm trying to make it so they like me a little bit more, so I will josh around with them or talk to them about how do you josh around with them.

I was just thinking the same thing.

That's the opposite of calling the cops.

Think of the same thing.

So, I said to the one the lady asked me this.

Maybe it's because if they're out of uniform, you call the authorities on them that they don't like you.

I mean, nothing a good josh in campfix next time.

So I went into this one

lady who I've been talking to, you know, kind of like

chit-chatting with.

Yeah.

And she said to me something that she said every day, is there anything perishable, liquid, fragile, or flammable in the package that I I was mailing.

And I said, all the above.

And when I said all the above, I was just fooling around.

Is this your second story?

This is the second story.

All right.

So you were Joshan?

Joshan, and she lost it.

She looked at me horrified and was like, and I looked at her and I was like, oh, I was just kidding around.

And she started going,

losing it, going like, I can't believe this.

She's like, what is wrong with people?

She's going like, I just can't, I have to fill out paperwork now.

because you said there's something flammable or dangerous in this package.

And I was like, no, no, no, I promise you, I said, I was just teasing because I said, who's ever going to answer yes to that?

I thought it would be funny.

And I said, all the above.

I'm just Josh.

Sean, it was.

She called the cops on you.

And she was like, I need that package.

And I was like, look, let's just open it.

I said, there's just a patch in here.

I said.

So I opened up the patch and I was like, look, it's just a patch.

And she just put her fingers on her nose like this.

I was just rubbing.

And I was just like, well, I'm going to go now.

All right.

Because I couldn't mail it anyway because I had opened it now.

So I need a new packaging.

And she didn't say anything.

So I just left.

And I haven't gone back to that post office either.

You're running out of post office.

And finally, the last story, again, at a post office.

Horrible stories.

I'm opening the big industrial-sized doors at the post office that you have to go in to get into the building.

They're super heavy.

And I'm waiting for the door to hit me because I have another giant tote full of boxes.

And I'm like going to catch it with my backside, the door.

And for some reason, I'm like, boy, that door should have hit me by now.

It should have, you know, but then all of a sudden I feel something super heavy hit me and almost knocked me down.

The door had fallen off the hinges.

So, and luckily though, like the door didn't have enough time because this is like a super door.

Like if it had fallen and I was a little bit further away from the door and had time to like catch up, it would have crushed me and probably would have like given me a concussion or, you know, worse.

So I had to sit there and try to like nav, like keep the door up without it falling and still hold my packages and I was able to put the packages down and kind of secure the door lift it and put it back so it wouldn't you fix the door didn't fix it so it could be usable but fix it so nobody would get hurt by it okay and that's when the postal employee ran out and started dressing me down actually I said this to me what the fuck did you just do what the hell is wrong with you what the fuck is going on right now

I was so taken aback by him cursing at me.

I was just like, I wasn't doing anything.

I just opened the door and it fell on me.

And he goes, well, I can't open the building.

I got to close now.

This is unfucking believable.

And I was so worried that he would take it out.

Like if I, if I went at him, it like blew up.

I was like, you took your packages and left.

I thought he would take it out on my incoming or outcoming, outgoing mail.

Okay.

So I just sheepishly apologized.

I was like, yeah, I don't know what happened.

I'm so sorry.

And I...

just left.

With the packages.

With the packages, because he had to close.

And he was just like sitting there muttering and just like so angry as I walked away because the door was off the hinges.

Those are the three stories.

Wow.

Initial, if you have to pick right now before we even ask the package.

So some of these are false stories?

Two of them are false.

They're fucking awesome stories.

I really appreciate it.

Altogether, it's a powerful indictment against the United Postal Department.

The horrible Twilight Zone episode of horror.

Well, that is his life.

Yeah, the postal employees are everything that they are, that the world thinks they are.

Believe, I know.

They are, man.

They're a crouchy bunch.

Yeah, they are.

They're not happy.

They're really not happy people.

Although I have met a few

that have tried to change my opinion.

But inevitably, if I go to them now, since they're nice to me one time, I'll keep going back to them.

They'll inevitably grow tired of me.

I feel like I feel about them.

I feel about the TSA.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do not like the TSA.

We always get treated.

Well, there are nice TSA people.

Yeah.

But like, also, I find a big section of the DSA is not nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think their MO is like,

you don't know what you're going to get that day.

That's how I feel.

So all the nice people, I'm talking about you.

And if you, if you're nice,

I'm not shitting on you if you're just DSA, but all the motherfuckers out there.

It's not in their job description to be a bad person.

I just don't want to be there.

Treat everyone like shit.

Shuana, I resent you all day long.

So what do you think?

So if you had to pick one just without even any questions, what are you thinking, bud?

I would pick number three.

Three.

The true one.

The true one, the door one.

Wow.

I was going to say the first one.

See, the first one sounds real to me up until the point where he's fucking calling in

the law.

Yeah.

Yeah, he kind of pushed it.

Well, the law never showed up now.

He just left.

That's the only thing.

Okay.

But I don't even want to think.

I don't want to think about walking in a post office and seeing

uncostumed people

robbing the post office in my hometown.

You thought postal employees may be tied up.

Oh, I also didn't.

I wanted to mention, I forgot to mention this.

The postal installation was in a rough neighborhood.

Yeah.

What neighborhood?

He brings his stuff down to Asbury for whatever reason.

It was a really tough neighborhood I don't usually go to.

I travel a little bit, but I man, my package is in Newark.

Wow.

One question, Bri.

You got one?

Okay.

The second one, why would she have to fill out all the paperwork just because of the...

Because I said there was something

flammable and dangerous

in the package.

Yeah, I would think that she would just be like, well, you can't mail it then.

Yeah.

Did the person with the door, did they curse at you?

They cursed.

He said they cursed.

They cursed.

But he's been cursed out before

at the post office.

Yeah, but it's so harsh.

And it's just like, honestly, like, if anybody sees a door fall on you, like, who would look at it?

They didn't see it.

They just seen me fixing the door.

Yeah, but what do they think he's doing?

I don't know.

I mean,

I would assume that he's fixing the door if he's got this huge door on him.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Like, I don't know if somebody would come out and do anything besides, like, oh, man, are you all right?

Like, is everything all right?

You know, by and large, these people are assholes, though, man.

I've gotten three.

We got two at that post office.

If it's the same one we're talking about, I don't know.

Is that your question?

Is it the same one?

No, no, no.

Wow.

So you think three is the true one?

I think three is the true one.

I think calling the cops, I don't think he would.

He doesn't want to get involved.

He doesn't want to get involved on that level.

The Joshing, I don't think he Joshes that much.

I don't know.

Sometimes I think Walt might try to Josh.

Yeah.

I will Josh at times.

Like I said, just to get favorable, or at least like being treated like a human being when I walk into the post office.

I'll do anything just to have them not just roll their eyes and gnash their teeth when I walk in, like, so annoyed that I'm there again.

It could be that he's incompetent, a casual josh.

I think you're right.

You struck number one off.

Walt's not getting involved in that situation.

Certainly not when they could track his number

to his phone.

So, so between two and three, I think two's the real one.

What do you think?

You think two's the real one, huh?

I do.

I think he would try to jot.

You know what?

No, because he just tried to supplement the story with more facts.

Yeah, don't you know?

Which is, which is a classic Walt Flanagan.

So I'm going to go.

I agree with you.

Three is the guy.

Number three.

Just let him talk.

Your eyes are prosecuting attorney.

He'll unwind.

So

I guess we'll go with three.

So no questions even.

Okay.

Going

right to

the guess.

Well, I mean, I thought we asked a couple of questions.

All right.

I'm good with that.

You certainly talk a lot.

Okay, number three.

Number three.

Where the door fell off and the employee ran out, cursing me out.

David, you're a bunch of shit.

It was number three.

Wow.

That's right, Sherry Lock.

You're good because I will tell you, I had reasons to believe and not believe all of them.

All of them.

When I went on a journey, I originally thought two was real.

But then when you said, yeah, they wouldn't have to fill out paper, I was like, yeah, you're right.

Then I thought one was real.

But then you're like, would he really call the guy?

I mean, I really, I was all over this.

I didn't think it was three, You got to play Walt.

That's the thing.

When he started throwing in extra details, forget about the game.

And he came out and just angrily dropped the F-bomb on me.

Like, what the fuck did you just do?

That's crazy.

And I was just like, that's not crazy.

That's totally New Jersey.

Yeah.

You would tell the third one.

It's been the last couple of years.

Yeah, I want to see the two of them.

Other ones you were not losing their shit over.

I wanted to make it look like I.

Shit.

This is poker stakes.

But all three are based in somewhat reality.

I thought I was going to say in the beginning, I figured that the lady didn't know what that was.

Exactly.

Right.

It's like, the people who dressed in street clothes, that really did happen.

I just didn't call the cops.

I really did take the tote back because I didn't trust them.

I did it.

And the one where I made the joke about like

she didn't say she had to do it.

Exactly.

I made the joke and she didn't think it was funny, but also didn't overreact and make me open the package.

And that's the key to one, true, three, elements of truth in all of them.

Absolutely.

All right.

so it's tied up tied up neck and neck i enjoyed all the stories

oh so the curator has a point and sherry larkin has a point and we're ready to introduce our very first

in all three you've in all three you fucking mailed nothing though uh it happened with a cappers but in all three scenarios that were true you left the post office without mailing what you needed to mail i uh thankfully i live scuttled out with a sack over his back what's the percentage of times you go to the post office where you actually end up mailing something?

It's better than 75%, but lower than 90%.

One out of four times it's a walnut.

That is such a leap.

Like, if you cumulatively add that up over your lifetime, there's hundreds of post office visits that amount to zilch.

Can't you hire somebody to go to the post office for you?

For Christ's sake?

I thought we did.

What are you doing?

Selling like t-shirts?

Yeah, yeah, that's

a kid.

I have my kid doing it, but she won't go to the postal because she's just

so afraid of the postal employees that I'm like, okay, I'll do it.

Yeah, I can't blame it.

Like the federal hearings or whatever

deciding what to do at this institution.

Well, before we introduce anybody else, though, I want to tell you the headphones that I use when I listen to Monster Radio.

Oh, yes, me too.

Raycon.

Raycon, Dave.

Have you heard of these?

I know all about them.

Yeah, I heard of them.

It's never too early to start gift shopping for the holidays, Dave, especially because today you can save big on a gift they'll use every day.

Raycon wireless earbuds.

I use them.

Oh, my God.

I'm Mary Beth Note.

My wife constantly puts little notes in here.

Like, I can't handle this.

They have gorgeous colors.

Cyber blue, rose gold, and digital purple are her favorites.

Aw.

She ain't getting any of them for Christmas.

I'm going to get her black.

You've got to change your brand next year, too.

You're going to have a trouble.

I know.

Next thing you know, you're absolutely.

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Sorry, let me back that up.

The new everyday earbuds come with three new sound profiles to make sure everything you're listening to sounds its best with just the right amount of bass.

Nobody wants too much bass, right, Dave?

No, but bass, too much bass is overrated.

It's only good for hip-hop.

Everything else, it just swamps it out.

So country music, no bass.

Well, I mean, it should be amount of bass, but not like the amount of bass you get hip hop on.

Raycon offers.

Do you think that's why country is not as popular as hip-hop?

Not enough bass.

That's a good question.

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So this holiday season, Q.

Yeah.

Get them something they can use for calls or music or for work and play at home or on the go and pick up a pair for yourself.

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Did we charge more for the 500th episode, Ad?

I don't think we did.

We should be like banging them over the head for 10 times the normal amount, no?

Or at least five times.

Yeah, we'll hold them hostage now.

Yeah.

I'll cut it out.

He's not crying fuck out, Raycon.

We don't care.

That 20% is also good across all Raycon products, not just the earbuds.

There you go.

It's like old-time radio.

It's great.

Are you ready to bring in

a new guest to the table?

Can't wait.

We're going to start something.

Now, I hopefully that the next person who came into the table explained to you what this next segment is all about.

And hopefully, Q explained to you, Sal,

the basics of this next segment.

It's called Purveyors, Posers, and Playlists.

And what it is is...

Remember how I explained this to you, right?

How did he point to you?

He said, Walt needs you to send him three songs.

That's it?

Yeah, well, he said they had to be novelty songs.

Okay, but he didn't tell you why.

It ended there.

Who was supposed to explain this to me?

Our next guest?

Our next guest.

Our next guest was explained to him.

You explained it to him.

Which I guess you did not, because he doesn't know.

Oh, he definitely knows.

Oh, he does.

Yeah.

Let's bring him in now.

Tim, the record store clerk.

There we go.

He's making a grand entrance.

Right in front of that mic.

There you go, bud.

You lying son of a bitch.

You don't know the rules of this?

I press and record.

Okay.

I can fake it.

Totally.

We're supposed to debate.

So, Dave, you don't know how the game is played?

No.

Okay, so let me give you like a quick crash course.

Sound knows.

I explained it.

Okay.

But listen up anyway, Sal.

Okay, so this is like a debating.

Yeah, tell him again, as I told him once already.

So

I came up with this game called Purveyors, Posers, and Playlist because

I always

remembered how...

In my youth, when I would go to a record store and buy music, when I used to have to go to, you know, buy an album or buy a CD,

that feeling of bringing it up to the counter and being judged by the clerk

by the clerk

that was a rite of passage for years and years and you did not want to bring something up that you know would make would elicit a comment other than like oh you know your shit right

that's what I was trying to bring to this game so we would pick a topic or a genre of music

and You would pick a playlist.

Like, let's say it was best stone songs.

You would pick three stone songs and your opponent would pick three stone songs.

You would tell Tim, who is the judge and who is the arbiter of like who you like these songs, yeah.

And Tim would would grade and award who was the purveyor and who was the poser.

Okay,

basically,

we pretend like we're 13 years old.

Which one of these songs has he not eaten

at the post office?

Tim has become beloved.

You know, if you Tim, I mean, our listeners love Tim because of his.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, that you got your own poster, right?

Yeah.

He's also over there, too.

There's another Tim one over there.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

Wow.

So, yeah, this is one of our newer segments that has really resonated with our listeners.

And for the

500th episode, one of my dream matchups was to have you on here.

You know,

one of my favorite all-time artists, not just saying that, is

definitely one of my all-time favorite artists to have you at the table to hear you

pwn somebody.

I have reasons.

I want to hear you pwn somebody tonight.

That's what I'm hoping for.

And I know our listeners do.

And Sal.

I mean, I thought novelty songs, you know, but I have to pwn like, but Brian

shows, yeah.

You're going to pone someone.

But aren't novelty songs by nature

ridiculous?

You got to get all over that shit.

You got to go back to when you're 13 years old.

Like, just go in.

I know exactly.

At least one of them I chose on based on being ridiculous because it's a novelty song.

Well, I think you make the argument, though.

Yeah.

You're going to be able to defend that.

Oh, I think.

No, one of the ones I chose.

I can actually win just by anatomy.

For example,

one of the ones I chose, I think it's absolutely

versus Led Zeppelin.

And that's why I think it's such a good choice.

I didn't realize that it was like more like passionate.

I didn't realize you're going to have to defend it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I know, like, I know that you can defend something without even believing it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So like.

You're proud of that?

All right.

And Tim's a harsh judge.

Well, you can't realize it was like

stand by your song type of thing.

Okay.

And you have to, and then you have to like.

Can I, can I, I gave alts.

Can I sub one for

since it's episode 500 and you weren't really told the rules properly?

Yeah.

Yeah, you could switch.

I don't remember what I sent over.

Yeah, you sent these.

I don't know, it's read up on them.

I imagine that Yankee song is going, right?

Yeah.

So that was stupid as fucking.

I was choosing it based on I figured I fucking were going to do something and it would be comical and that's why I chose that one.

It was so absurd.

Okay, so while you're choosing,

why don't we get, and this is going to be a sanctioned match for Purveyor's Closers and playlist Ultimate Purveyor?

Okay.

Because you haven't gone in the tournament yet, Q.

In the tournament.

I've played this game before.

I've played it before, but not in a sanctioned bout.

It's going to be a sanctioned bout for episode 500.

I don't want to fight you.

Hey, can we get some of the dickhead in here?

Like, who are you both going to fight?

Oh, no, you got it.

And I don't want to play.

Are we playing the songs?

Underneath in post.

Okay.

Low, like underneath, very low.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to play this game without.

Well, no, actually, it isn't.

Who cares what it actually sounds like?

So, Q and Dave, you're going head-to-head.

You're going up against each other.

Yeah.

And the theme or the playlist theme was love songs.

Yes.

Which is hard.

Which is harder than I thought.

Shitty category.

Yeah, it was terrible.

It's like, how many, you know, you're like, I'm going to play my favorite love songs tonight.

Never happens.

Never happens.

But that's all right.

It's just

my thoughts.

Do you want to go first, Q, or do you want Dave to go first?

I leave it to our guests, his choice.

What would you like to do, Dave?

All right, so I'm picking the song.

I'll go first or second.

You go first.

I'll go first.

And Sal, you are, when Dave is announcing his three songs, you are his corner man, and you are allowed to weigh in and

help him.

I get behind Dave.

You get behind Dave and like

to help sell to Tim, who's the final show.

I'm not too close.

No worries.

I will not.

Now, are we going with the edit wrinkle of the timer, which we normally don't use?

Yeah, we're going to try to make this one a little like you can speed it up a little bit.

Okay.

Okay, we got 12 songs going.

Yeah, a lot of them.

Right.

All right.

So, Q, you're going to go first?

Yeah.

Okay.

This is your three all-time best love songs.

Yeah.

So you want me to break them down?

Oh my God.

Are you reaching for something?

Well, I just want to make sure that I have

because I was like, if this guy's going in with no notes, he's going to fucking kill him.

Oh, I don't have any notes.

I'm going to put my phone again.

I let Q pick the topic.

Okay.

Yeah, I didn't pick the playlist.

Did I pick that?

I didn't pick up the page.

Yeah, because I said I want to go cosmic written.

And you said, no, you know what would be funny?

I don't know if I said that.

You said if we do something that, you know, something direct opposite of what Dave's into, love songs.

Yeah, I said that.

Yeah.

Because I would think that Dave has such a large musical knowledge that he'd be good in all of it.

I'll say that too.

I was like, well, yeah, I can do that.

All right.

So, my, so, so, all right.

So, you want all three at once, or one by one in the one by one.

Okay, one by one.

And then you, and you tell Tim

why you chose him, and then Dave has Dave.

You can't really talk until it's your turn to like pick him apart.

All right, right.

So it's like a parameter.

In this corner.

Yeah.

So

you're good.

So

you know my selection is ready.

Yes.

And you have an opinion on it already.

Yes.

Okay.

All right.

So I guess I'll work.

My first one that I sent over was Elvis.

Sure.

The Wonder of You,

which to me.

Dave?

Dave?

Can't talk?

Okay.

You said the ticket.

Cost your points.

My thinking on it was on the the wonder of you was one it's elvis which is i think right away lends any credence to any love song because it's it's elvis singing it um two to me is it it really puts out there what someone can mean to someone else uh you know he speaks about her effect on him and and like how that makes him feel about it's a little bit of a selfish song like this is why i feel this way about you he lays it out it's very clear it's elvis's voice i'm sure it's been a million wedding songs for a reason

that's my eldest one okay

you don't think he had any but yeah okay you don't think he had any better love songs than that uh

if he did he would have chosen I think he's got a million love songs better than that but I think that's that's that's up there that's one of the most popular ones for me now Q do you do you hold Elvis as the king of rock and roll be all end all I well I don't know if he's a be and then though but he's definitely the king yeah but but like is he like the most influential artist in recording history oh I'd have to say one of them, yeah.

I don't know about the number one, but I mean, who else is bigger?

Sinatra, you know?

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you agree with that, Dick?

I mean, the Beatles said before there was Elvis, there's nothing.

Elvis was a spark for the mass media generation.

He defines all

mass media generation stars from the very beginning.

Before that, there was no mass media star.

Elvis was the first TV, radio, everything.

It hasn't really

gone much past his demonstration.

It's all variations of Elvis.

Have you ever been influenced by any Elvis songs in your recording?

Just by Elvis himself, yeah.

I mean, fucking Elvis, you know what I mean?

It's like

performance-wise or more music-wise?

I'd say performance-wise, you're just getting in the mood for something.

It's like, what would Elvis do?

He'd say, fuck it, you know.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's just like that kind of thing.

What would Elvis do?

That has to be a t-shirt.

Yeah.

What would Elvis do?

He'd say, fuck it, you know?

As a song like it, it sounds like a love song.

That's the other thing about it.

It does sound like a love song.

It sounds like a love song.

It's epic.

It builds

everything.

What's the word I'm used to where it's like very dense?

Dense.

I can't hold it in.

I can't hold it in.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

We'll give you one second or one minute to respond to that.

Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, go ahead.

Jane, you ignorant slut.

Yeah, great.

Yeah.

For one thing, Elvis had a lot better love songs.

Number two,

The Wonder of You, a love song.

It's a love song by a pill-popping narcissist to himself in a mirror.

Those people walk the earth.

He didn't say what it's a love song about.

Sounds like me, except without the musical talent.

Overblown Ballyhoo.

Okay.

No way.

Unte.

So are you saying that because it is so popular?

Because people, I mean,

a lot of people love that song

and think it's amazing.

You know, I'm speaking strictly in terms of love here, and I don't don't hear the love in that song.

I hear

Elvis

singing about love.

Yeah.

But

I hear him singing, but what I hear, the total purpose of the song is for him to hear himself sing.

And he's singing about himself.

Well, that's just what I wanted to say.

But no, he's singing a song that's

now that you mention it.

And I wanted to say, I wanted to say pill popping, that he was a pill-popping song.

I felt it was, it doesn't matter, like from the mouth of babes, like that feeling can come from anywhere.

He was a pill popper.

He was a bit crazy.

He is, but like, that song is about an epic love, whether it be for himself or for someone else.

One to love you.

Right.

Yeah.

That's how it's going to go.

Love me.

There's one line that boils it all down.

Love me tender.

It's tripe.

I guess I'll never know the reason why you love me as you do.

He's like, I don't know why, but I'm going to give myself over to it.

He's dealing with insecurity.

That should win it right there.

That line alone.

I mean, the guy is injecting basic insecurities into a massive epic love song.

I don't know, man.

I think it's there.

Oh,

Dave has notes.

On?

On his songs.

Yeah.

On your songs.

Wow, okay.

On my own song.

Oh, you have notes on his songs?

Oh, yeah.

No, no.

Oh, but you just read that lyric.

I just

usually keep that with him all the time.

Oh, you print it out to me.

Usually people come prepared.

Yeah, no, just the one lyric.

The rest of the stuff is for me and you.

Oh, okay.

Novelty stuff.

I'm under prepared, I I guess.

All right, so for the next song.

But Sal, do you have anything about that song, The Wonder of You?

Any thoughts on it as Dave's wingman?

Or corner man?

Not wingman.

You're talking love.

Yeah, I mean, love me tender.

You know, what if I

you mean for the for the contrarian's sake?

Yeah, you gotta stick by Dave for the curator's sake.

The curator's going, yes.

As Dave stated,

Elvis is a pill-popping.

I'm not going to sit here and listen to this.

I'm not going to sit here and listen to this.

Why?

Everybody's a pill-popping.

Except for you.

It was like Dave was reading my mind.

You liked the song.

Was that?

You like the song, obviously.

It sounds like the wonder of you.

I mean, being honest,

the wonder of you.

Let's go, Pavarati, go.

That's right.

Am I here for the Chancellor?

What's his name?

Curator

Am I thinking of the curator right now, or am I shooting straight?

Well, also, you got to think about the other listeners, not just the curator.

If you've got something good to say, I'd say that it's a pretty epic ballad.

It is epic.

I'm not an

epic ballad, but I'm an epic artist.

I just don't think it's love.

I don't think it's tender enough.

Well, look, man, it's not your list.

It's mine.

I would say it could be a little bloated you want, man.

I would say that it could be a little bloated.

Shock bloated.

Oh, did you hear that, Tim?

Great word.

What?

Say it again.

I said it possibly, potentially, it could be a little bloated, as Dave would say.

That's a good word.

It's not a bloated.

Listen, he's right, but love's a messy thing.

It's bloated sometimes.

All right.

Sometimes love possibly.

I'm a walking love.

All right.

The second one I saw.

Bloated.

The undeniable.

It's a banger of a song.

It's

Sam Cook.

Right?

Yep.

What a wonderful world.

What a wonderful world.

But not.

You know the song?

Don't know much about history.

That's not what a wonderful world is.

But not the Louis Armstrong.

There's two confusion.

It's two different songs.

I got confused too.

I was rating the other one.

It's an Animal House.

It was an Animal House.

Is it what a wonderful world it would be?

What a wonderful world this would be.

This would be.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

But I mean,

look at that.

You see that right there?

Well, Sam Cook's one of my favorite artists of all time.

To me, besides this being a fucking song that if I hear it once, I will be singing it

for days.

It's gorgeous.

It's short, two minutes, 30, 34 seconds.

That's great.

And to me, it's like it really, out of all these songs, really spoke to me the most.

Because this is a guy who is admitting nothing but his faults.

I don't know much about this.

I don't know much about this, but here's what I do know, baby.

Tim, look at my eyes.

To listen to this, can confirm they're looking at each other.

If you love, all I gotta know is that if you love me too, what a fucking wonderful world this would be.

And I think that really speaks to the human, besides being a fucking great song, I think it just speaks to the human condition of just like, you can have an illiterate serf in the Middle Ages.

You could have the president of the United States now.

And it's just like they all are together in one thing.

It doesn't matter what they know.

All that matters is there's the person I love.

And if they love me as well.

everything is fucking great.

And to me, it's just like to get that across in such plain language, in such a short song, in such a fucking great singing, like singable song.

I don't know how you beat that, man.

Like, drink.

Drink your merchandise, Sherry.

Like, I don't know how you beat that.

I can't see anybody saying anything bad about that song.

It's just a great song, Dave.

Actually, I like that song.

I like this song.

I love it.

It's a classic, so it's hard to talk about a classic.

I think you go for it.

It's quite good.

It's not as tender as a love song should be, but it gets very, very close.

I mean, its merits are exactly what Q just said.

That it's, he's just like, it's across the board, a good mood song.

Like,

the world may come at me with a bunch of different questions that I don't really know it about.

But when it comes to you, my love, I know what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

So you're agreeing with his choice?

I think his choice is great.

Oh, I thought.

I don't know how this is going to be.

This is unusual.

It's an unusual tactic right here.

Well, it's going to be easy to pick up on a novelty song.

He's picking songs out of the great American song book.

He's like, well,

that sucks.

He's like, oh, he loves it.

Everyone loves that.

You're thinking of it.

I'm going to go and be like, Yankees, how you doing?

You've got a good point there, Sal.

Their future is not bright for you.

As a selection, just as a selection,

even of Sam Cook's or everything, I could say possibly the only thing I didn't come up with, maybe a tinge of a plate.

So there's a little bit of, I don't know.

Okay.

And then as it, as it, as a kind of a jokey thing, it's like, all right, into the love song, but he's talking about algebra and things like that.

Just quirky things.

That's a good thing.

It kind of desensitizes it slightly.

But really, I'm just making sure that's the way he's singing about algebra that bridges over that for me.

Yeah.

Well, that's the gimmick.

That's a song.

It's a gimmicky song because it's got all those buzzwords and stuff.

It's a good, well-written pop song.

Yeah.

I love that song.

It is a

it is focused on like I think teens.

I don't know shit about algebra

school.

About the French I took.

Don't know much about history, biology.

Right, but what makes it puppy love rather than real love?

No, that's what has to be pondered.

It's universal.

He's saying all the things he's not good at.

He reflects what he claims to be an ace of the sky.

Or are you saying he's just a midget?

It does,

he's a functional idiot.

Yeah, like a tiger beat level of.

Are you guys stopping learning, or are you guys students of life?

Which one is it?

I don't know what it is.

Did you stop hard body blow by?

I know, he's there.

I know.

He's guiding this thing.

Not because I'm in fucking Switzerland.

Again,

I'm on behalf of the Chancellor.

I think this next song is going to unite this table.

I don't see it, unless it's a different song than I have.

Oh, no.

It is.

I know for sure that this guy's going to fucking line up behind me on this one.

He's losing this teammate.

Because nobody.

Nobody in their right mind goes against Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers singing Islands in the stream.

It is.

Not by Barry Gibb from the Bee Gees.

By Barry Gibb from the Bee.

It is, to me, not only one of the best love songs.

It is one of the best songs of all time.

These guys are fucking, I mean, listen to it.

I did the lyrics.

You don't like it?

No.

Oh, you're fucking crazy.

Tough crowd.

How do you not like Islands in the Extreme?

It's two musical masters.

It's coming together.

That's Schmaltzy.

It's too Schmaltzy.

What is love?

What's not.

I understand, but like Sam Cook wasn't Schmaltzy.

This is not Schmaltzy, man.

This is now the judge is arguing.

The judge argues.

Yeah, he's laughing.

Oh, he's a laugh.

I'm on your side.

I don't know if I'm going to argue on his behalf, but I think

transcends a different kind of thing.

Let him play a lot of people.

Argue away.

He's really good at playing it.

So, so let him.

I mean, I just, to me, a lot of this just rests on the pure fucking legendary talent behind it.

Part of that is that.

But, like, the joy in this song is what really hooks me every time.

Because a lot of love songs will be about broken hearts, about longing, about wanting.

These two people fucking found each other.

They're already likening each other to geographical fucking points on the map.

What two people?

Dolly and Kenny?

Oh, the people that they're singing.

Oh, the stupidest things I've ever heard.

We're islands in the stream.

What is the fuck does that mean?

No man is an island, man.

These two are islands in the stream.

It is the joy that these two find in having each other.

That to me,

look, if I was at a wedding and they came out to Islands in the stream.

And they were doing anything less than wearing giant feather headdress dress and sparkly outfits and doing synchronized dancing, they failed.

That's the type of song it is.

It is about the pure fucking joy of love.

It is.

To me, there's no way to deny it.

And it's just a fucking, to me, one of the greatest songs of all time.

A little schmaltzy, that's all right.

What is life without schmaltz?

I agree.

You know who didn't like schmaltz?

The Nazis.

That's right.

Did it ever.

How high did it chart?

It was number one.

Number one song.

It was huge.

What about the Elvis song?

Do we know how that chart was?

It was number one in the UK and number nine in the U.S.

And don't know much about his song.

He was number 12 in the U.S.

I mean, sail away with me

to another world.

Yeah, I know.

Sail away with me.

I heard it so much.

Is that the one?

And you can fuck me with a 10-foot pole.

I said, sing that.

Alan's in the song.

That is what we y'all.

If you could pick any female artist to cover this song with, who would you pick?

Oh, that's too hard a question.

There's so many great singers.

Tori Amos, Rihanna.

She's got a great voice.

Rihanna's got a really, like a real voice.

That would be awesome.

Earthy voice.

Make it happen, Walt.

Make it happen.

When you're down at the post office, you're connected.

Send a letter.

I love a song that has

like a current right underneath that keeps building and then releases building.

Which that doesn't.

It does.

And I also try to represent...

different stages of love also.

I felt like Sam Cook was about the longing and the wanting.

And, you know, and I felt that Islands on the stream was about the new love, that we're excited, we're together.

This is fucking, you know, how you and your love, you've been in love.

You know how that early song where you're like, everything's fucking, where everything's like, everything's fucking

perfect.

You're blind.

Yeah.

Like, you know that saying, like, how do you know if someone's in love

if they sound sane, then they're not in love?

You know what I mean?

And I just think this song really fucking represents that.

And then I thought that Elvis was a little bit more of a mature look at a relationship that's already a wonder that's not the guy singing it the guy singing it like his perspective i guess i could say it was a little bit more i tried to take you on a journey but

are you you doing this on the fly which i know you can do or did you really have these precise no these these i these i these i i preconceived okay yeah yeah a little bit yeah yeah uh but anyway those those are my three

and i understand that they're quite popular yeah but you know it's not a bad thing they're popular for a reason i guess yeah they spoke i mean they're love songs I mean, you know, it's like, it's a whole different category.

Love songs are really, really funny, you know, because

sometimes the most popular love songs are the best love songs after a while because

they were so simple

that

the people that wrote them didn't have to overcomplicate them.

So the simplicity.

I mean, my favorite music is pretty simple music.

And

like, what gets more simple than like, you know, boy meets girl or whatever, you know?

It's like, why clog it up?

So some of those songs really are the best songs ever, you know?

Yeah.

How many songs, how many songs would you say you have, like, you set out to write a love song, have you?

I wrote personal songs to people about love and about my relationship with them, but I never titled them,

you know, I never titled them like, Okay, this is my big, my love song.

Well, just because I never thought I could have the

gumption

to really, you know,

to really do that.

You know what I mean?

It's like, love songs in the business are

an easy go-to.

And most people laugh at them unless they make it big.

Unless they're in love.

What?

Unless they're in love.

Yeah, and unless it's 1965.

Can I throw out a song that I think writing a love song in the business means that

you want people to a quintessential love song?

I think it's effective but basic, and I think it hits on the notes that you're saying.

I want to see if people would disagree or agree with me.

This one hits me.

Wings, silly love songs.

Yeah, Yeah, great song.

Silence.

I love that song.

But I think it was, you know why it was written?

It's not really a song.

He was trolling Lennon.

He was trolling Lennon.

Most of his songs were written.

Yeah, but actually, it's a really beautiful song.

Yeah, but yeah, because Lennon was like, all you're doing is writing love songs, Paul.

And he was like, oh, what's the world needs love songs, he said.

And he wrote that just to like a middle finger to Lennon.

And look, he got a hit out.

But it's great.

And Lennon's dead.

Yeah, where's Lennon now?

All right, Dave.

So you.

I rest.

I rest.

I mean, you know, what am I going to do?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Okay.

All right.

So

maybe minds aren't heavy hitters and someone's really old.

So.

Well, just all the artists you chose, only one is still on this planet, right?

Dolly Pardon.

Okay.

Yeah.

That Elf is just coming back.

That's 2025.

I'm ready.

You hear it?

Oh, I'm ready.

You hear that?

He's coming back 2025.

I just read it on here.

I'll take it.

How old will he be?

like that?

They fucking did it.

They cry at you.

I'm not fucking kidding.

Seriously, how much was that?

I'm not fucking kidding.

I read it last night.

It's fucking on CNN.

And it's like, Elvis is coming back 2025.

In that world.

Yeah.

And he's

with the power of Satan.

If he was Elvis' album full of Elvis Satan songs,

don't tease me.

All right.

So I'm going to go.

Go.

Mr.

Judge.

All right.

My first one's going to be At Last by Eda James, which was a hit in the 60s, but it was not a mega hit.

I think it was a Stacks Records.

Stacks.

Yeah.

One of those.

Wow,

nobody has ever come to the table and said it was on a certain label.

I think it was...

That's the wrong label.

I think it was on Argo.

Okay, Argo.

Sorry.

For the first time where it's ever happened, that's a real big fucking muscle ball hanging out there.

I thought what she was hanging around.

I forget what label but

they move tumbled your sadly i thought that was some inside baseball shit right there bringing the label

you're the only person who could be here that could have done that

oh what a foil what a foil

we were all like wow so but this song kills me it's just

it's a young girl but not too young you know

it just strikes me as

maybe about you know

no maybe about 26 27 Not Cherry Lee Lewis.

Saying, basically, at last,

I waited a long time, and it sounds like to me, like, she's been through some shit, and that finally the right person has come along.

And

it's beautifully orchestrated.

It's got absolute gorgeous sound.

You know, it's kind of melancholy.

And just here a couple of lines from the songs.

It's like,

I found a dream that I could speak to,

a dream that I could call my own.

I found a thrill to press my cheek to,

a thrill that I have never known.

Finally, she found someone that she could talk about her dreams with, and they don't laugh at her.

You know, someone to really communicate.

Sounds a lot like the one there with you, actually.

Yes, but you know, it's downplayed.

It's not over baked.

This is like,

At last,

my love has come along.

You can sing these things.

That's not fair.

How is that bullshit?

Mine.

The guy's tripping honey all over the table.

That's just the fucking thing.

Mine and David Loneliness.

And a life is life.

Give me the Satchibo version of it.

Anyway, it's underplayed, which is why I like it.

And it's a little bit of a...

The song's overplayed, though.

What?

The song is overplayed.

I don't think the song is overplayed.

No, what do you mean?

Have you been to a wedding?

Have you been to a wedding in the past like a year?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, I mean, underplayed, like, her delivery is underplayed.

Oh, yeah.

No, no.

Of course, it's played.

It's played.

When I'd sing it, I was thinking tables number one and two to the thumbnail.

It seems like

a love song that

rather than

screaming,

the thing that is interesting is about what it brings to her.

She's not really celebrating who's doing it.

She's celebrating the fact that she got lucky enough to have it happen.

So that's what I like it.

And it's kind of a melancholy melody because I like that too.

So

did you like it from the get-go?

Yeah, I mean, for the first time you heard it.

I was like, what the hell is this?

You know?

And it would be unusual for, like, you know, because

I see you, you know, with your...

with your rock and roll going on back.

With your rock and roll, with your fucking swinging medallions and your Van Dyke beard.

So would you, like, would you let your friends know you like this song or would this be like a like a secret like affection for this song?

Maybe if I was 15, I wouldn't let them know, but yeah, after I was 21, I got over this.

I like what I like.

It's the first time Tim's hearing it.

It's a great song.

I think it's just beautiful.

Yeah, I agree.

A little over plate would be my thing.

Well, you go to a lot of weddings, I guess, huh?

You know, I love weddings.

I love love.

I love love.

You're fucking insane.

Weddings aren't about love.

Let me see.

Weddings are about delusion.

I love delusion, too.

If not for delusion.

All right.

Okay.

Next, really, really obvious.

Righteous Brothers Unchained Melody.

Also, probably, you know, overplayed or whatever.

I feel ghosts kind of ruined that movie to be taken seriously, but that's just me.

But, I mean, we're talking songs.

We're talking movies here.

Talking songs?

Yeah, so fuck you and the movie thing.

You can say that.

I don't know if the judges are still better than Islands in the Stream.

It is not better than Islands.

Islands, come on.

It's one of the fucking greatest songs of all time.

Correct me if I'm wrong, The Righteous Brothers sung that song about all the dead musicians.

Oh,

no, who did that, Tim?

You know, like Rock and Roll Heaven.

Yeah, did they sing Rock and Roll Heaven?

There's a Rock and Roll Heaven.

Yeah.

I know that song, but I don't know who sang it because nobody fucking picked it.

See, people that did Abraham, Martin, and John.

All right, so the Righteous Brothers, Unchained Metal.

Not Unchained Unchained Melody.

Okay.

As far as

it is a safe choice.

Not a lot of risk going on so far.

What, like, you were risking it?

Yeah.

I fucking dropped Islands in the Stream on these people.

Islands in the Stream was a mega-selling hit.

We got to get our story straight on the Island Stream.

Is it small sea bullshit or is it a great song?

He said bullshit.

Yeah.

Right.

So it wasn't a safe choice.

I think Unchained Melody is an absolutely fantastic song.

And there's a reason why it's it's been overplayed is because the same reason other people play

love stories which are love songs which is kind of hard in this category for us to argue over what's been overplayed because

you know i just gave the reason they're all kind of over right

but can you i mean i could have gone deep underground but then i thought you were going to go deep underground um yeah i still can yeah no you can't use

songs

yeah can you think of that song without thinking about the clay and the ghost and everything?

No.

No.

How many times did you see ghosts?

Only have to see it once and sear it into your brain.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

All right.

I concede.

No, yo, no, no.

What's up?

You can't concede yourself.

You guys can't get your perception.

I'm sorry, Chancellor.

Of music and video.

If you can't get that straightened yourselves, there's no reason for me to fight.

Yeah, but

are we talking about music?

First time.

First time it's never happened at this point.

This is Roberto Duran.

I know he's.

No Moss.

No Moss.

You

brought up drug abuse in mine.

I can't bring up a fucking movie?

Yeah.

This seems outrageous.

Yeah, that was.

The guy's besmirching Elvis' legendary career.

I was hoping you'd forget about it.

All right.

Still.

Taking,

if we can.

Take Unchelling Chain Melody out of the hands of fucking Patrick Swayze and Woobie Goldberg.

See, even I lost my,

you killed me.

No, come on.

That's the point.

It's undoubtedly one of the all-time greatest love songs.

Oh, look who showed up the fucking party.

It's almost, there's almost, I mean, yeah, you see the level of it.

He saw Dave going down.

He was just like, I got to do something.

He's got smelling salt under Dave's nose.

That resonates with people young and old.

Yeah.

There's no one on the

word.

Yeah, resonates with people young and old.

Resonates.

You know, it's, I mean, what can you do?

It comes on, you know it immediately.

And the words are like amazing.

I mean, like, they're, they're.

Both of these songs you can do

within the first few seconds.

He's singing from a point of pain and loneliness.

It's a popular song, but songs are popular for a reason.

They appeal to the boy.

There is nothing, no strike against.

Darling.

Especially with love songs.

He can tell you that.

Darling, I've hungered for your touch

for such a long, lonely time.

Schmaltz.

Time goes by so slowly.

No, no, not smalts.

Schmaltz.

Schmaltz compared to the wonder.

The wonder.

That's not smalts.

That sounds amazing to me.

That's epic.

We all describe that as epic.

Epic is schmaltz.

Dave, I will say the first time I heard that was before I saw Ghost.

And the way I felt about it.

The first time I heard it was I was taken aback.

Yeah, I mean, the words on Francis, like, he died.

And you thought that would be great in a movie.

A a long lonely time time goes by so slowly and time can do so much true.

It can erase everything.

Are you still mine?

Yeah.

I would argue that.

And then he's just like

He's just like orgasms in this giant, you know.

I don't know.

I would argue that nobody listens through this song when it comes on the radio.

Everybody 100% turns changes that song off.

Everybody?

I think so.

I'm making that opinion.

That's a bald statement.

That's a bald statement.

Everybody.

I think everybody.

Man, woman, or child.

See, the radio actor Swayze.

Nobody saved the actor Swayze in a sub animal and unchained melody sound.

Everybody likes it for like the 10 seconds they hear before they're like, all right, what's on another channel?

Because everybody's heard it too much.

What about this?

What about the damage it did when it was released, though?

It probably took over the world.

Sorry, sorry.

It did.

People turn it off now, but when it first came out, it's probably the only song that existed.

What year did it come out?

I Tim.

65.

65.

It was a B side, too.

Really?

Oh,

that's interesting.

Because look at the wheels on it when it wasn't even intended to be that.

That speaks to how good a thing is.

I mean, I'll do this for you all night long.

What are the chart on?

In the 60s?

60s, it was number four in the U.S.

That's pretty good.

UK.

UK-14.

That's pretty good.

Can't argue with that.

All right.

Okay.

What's your last song, Dave?

Well, I mean, I may have to change my game just because

I could say Black Sabbath, Sweet Leaf, because he loves weed.

You know,

he's in love with weed.

You very well could.

I'm sure you could argue that.

He's in love with weed.

It's a weed's love song to weed, you know.

But no, I'm going to go with, I'm going to go with my first choices because I really think they're great love songs.

This is by Grace Kelly and Bing Crosby, and it's called True Love.

Yeah.

And it's about the simplest love song I can possibly imagine.

It was in the movie

High Society.

And it's just an absolute

tiny little diamond of a song.

I think.

Innocent almost, and it's ridiculously innocent.

Let me play.

Were there charts back then to have with it that chart?

I was never pressed as a single.

Okay.

What's the name of it?

True Love by Ben Crosby and Grace Kelly.

I, for one, love accordion-driven love songs.

Yeah.

Biggest name with the accordion.

Ben Crosby.

How much older was he than this?

He looked plenty of

strange pairing.

You know, considering some of the movies from back then, it's like, you know, 30 years on a woman was not a big deal back then in the movies.

Or today.

The fact of the matter is that the world has been like this all along.

Only now are people giving shit about it.

Where did it come to you on your radar?

Like,

where did you first hear it?

I guess the only place I could hear it was by watching the movie.

I'm watching that movie.

It hit you, and it resonates with me.

It hit me as a song.

How old were you when you saw the movie?

Five or six.

Five or six.

You kept a lot of your musical tastes quiet when you were a kid, huh?

Well, when you're a teenager, you have to.

You get the shit beat.

Yeah.

You can't run around saying that.

Remember when you're a teenager, all that stuff matters.

I got beat up for not having my kiss shirt on.

Yeah, right.

All the time.

When punk rock happened, I had to put my Cat Stevens records in the back of the pile.

It was like, well, only anybody knows.

it's like hide to Jethro Tull

why flutes are cool

you know and like I said after I was 20 I was like fuck you don't like it and fuck all of you

so before you weigh in yeah on who won that match no but that was it there was no any color punch I think that's I couldn't even find the song so yeah it was hard for me to you have to go to YouTube oh you know it's only two minutes long yeah

I had uh I don't know if if the if you were looking for something a little bit more off the beaten path or maybe a little bit more like anti-establishment.

Sure.

I was hoping that one of these guys, especially, you know,

a little bit shaded, would bring up maybe an anti-love song.

Well, yeah, I mean, I took it for, you know, I took it at face value, a love song.

One of my alts, if somebody would have said it, like, what is your alt?

Was Fairy Tale of New York.

What is that?

By the Pogues.

By the Pogues.

Yeah, that was one of my alts.

Oh, that's a good song.

Yeah, that's a great song.

That's Salt, that's about a junkie NGL

singing about it.

That's a whole nother thing.

You were on the same page as I was.

Like, you said love songs.

Yeah, classic love songs, right?

Because it's not the greatest category.

And it's tough because it's got a lot of weird stuff with it.

Yeah,

I had my own little list of like what was like, you know, I'm not in love by 10 Cease Sales.

Right, sure.

I thought of that, too.

That would have been.

When you're talking golden 70s, yeah, Rock, that's my shit, right?

Right?

Because it's like the anti-love song.

Right.

And well, I mean, it's the anti-love, but it's a love song because he's just, he refuses to, he just keeps denying that he's

trying to convince himself he's not in love.

Oh, really?

I thought he was telling her is like, you know, like, you may have been in love with me, but I'm just

he was trying to convince himself he's not in love, but he actually is.

Like, you know what?

R.E.M., I Am Superman, that version of I Am Superman.

Yeah.

That's a great love song.

We heard one of my favorite love songs of all time we alive the other day.

We went to see the temptations thing.

Wish it would rain by the temptation.

I wish it would rain.

Yeah.

That fucking killed, too.

And I thought Love the One You're You're With would be interesting too, by Stevens.

Great song.

Because, you know, it was, you're professing.

Fuck who you can.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or love who you can.

Not so crazy.

You know.

Come on.

It's a family program.

I mean, it's like there's a difference between having affairs with a lot of people and just like banging people.

Yeah, but I thought it would have been interesting to have these guys bring something a little bit more anti-establishment, which I thought was going to happen.

We're fucking romantics, bro.

Why didn't you tell us this?

Bring love songs.

And And then they brought love songs.

Wow.

So, so you feel like you might have your work cut out for you here.

I don't think he does.

I think he's just bored out of his mind because

it was.

They were both pretty tight.

It was really close.

But, like, I fucking hate that Islands in the streams song.

Oh, no.

It's, and I'm not keen.

Like, the Elvis, like, I, you had a great argument for Elvis.

Yeah.

I can totally get it.

Don't love it as much as Dave's weakest song.

Sam Cook was great, but the Islands in the Streams look something.

You're not into Dolly?

I like Dolly Part.

She's great.

I just think this song is just

bullshit.

It ain't no Jolene.

It ain't no Jolene.

And that's like

the record circle.

It could be one song that derails you.

That's what I'm here for.

Yeah, it is.

But it was.

That's what I'm here for.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Hey, man.

So Dave gets, Dave, and Team Sal get the point?

Or Team Chancellor.

Yeah.

All right.

I find no joy in this victory.

Also, I'd like to say

that there was a song written in the last five years, which I think belongs at the top, and that's a song called Stay that was recorded by Rihanna.

Oh, I don't know.

Which is the most simply...

Have you ever heard that song?

Yeah.

It's the most simply beautiful.

Yeah.

I mean, so weird to be on the radio because there's a simple piano ballad and all over dance radio.

It was like ridiculous.

There's no drums in the song.

Daniel.

It's written by some Brit,

some British guy and some, you know, Nashville guy.

Yeah, I hope that's it.

Did you find it unusual, Tim, that they chose songs that were decades and decades old?

Not really, because love songs are kind of timeless.

One of Dave songs was almost a century old.

Yeah, yeah.

Because, I mean, it was Glenn Miller wrote that true love song.

in the 40s.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, but I think

I thought it was interesting, though, that the songs, like there was nothing other than that.

The most recent song was that Dolly Parton song.

Yeah.

That was still

a 40-year-old song, if not more.

All right.

So now we're into novelty songs, and it's Sal vs.

Pry.

I feel like I won't be taken as seriously as the little songs.

I think it's chance.

I didn't realize I was going to defend these, but I can defend them.

Sure.

I actually like them, but it's weird.

I had to be like, what are my favorite novels?

It didn't come to me right away.

I like had to really search.

And a lot of like, let me be honest, I picked three out of the eight novelty songs I could come up with.

But you're also, your hands are tied because Bri got to go first.

So you couldn't pick any of his songs.

And I feel he

stole the greatest novelty song

off the song.

Stole it.

I know he's a bad boy.

He tried to take it off the board by going first,

which I think the record store clerk should take into consideration that

don't give him credit for

that song.

Or that Walter's like, hey, what are your songs?

And I send them to him.

And he's like, and Sal sent them to him today.

It's tough, though, that, like, he's fighting with one hand tied behind his back when the best song has been taken already.

In your opinion.

In my opinion.

Yeah.

Please.

You can't say that.

You already set him up to have a lot of money.

I think it's the greatest novelty song.

Well, you are not the record song.

Let the record be shot.

I don't.

Everything is just falling off the rails.

It's just like this whole thing is crashing.

Wow.

All right, bro.

You want to go first?

Sure.

I'm not going to go in the order that I sent him to you.

No, now he's going to save that one for dead last.

He's got so many notes.

Jesus.

Yeah,

this is just like smart and shit to look over.

Oh, so my first one is Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

Yeah.

And you say, oof.

I don't even know if it's a novelty song.

What is it?

Oh, it definitely is.

Really?

Does that happen every day?

Grandmother's getting run over by a reindeer.

He said Christmas.

Yeah, I think I was.

I never said Christmas.

Well,

I saw that he did a Christmas song.

So you thought you had to do a Christmas song?

Well, no, I just, I was really racking my brain to think of what would be a novelty, and I didn't know I would have to defend it.

So I was trying to just think of funny selections because I thought we'd be all re-ripping them apart.

That's why I, at the last minute, they let me change that Yankee song because that's me, the steamy pilot.

What was the song that you wore against Bring Game Table?

What was it called?

How you doing, Yanks?

Yeah, yeah.

We couldn't even find it when he sent me over the

list.

Again, I just didn't know what the context of the choices were.

All right.

My notes on that were 4,000 views in six years.

That says something.

Well, you even got to...

I didn't even know...

No one, I didn't know I was supposed to look up his songs.

I could do it on fly.

Yeah, I know you.

This guy is a pro.

Don't though.

Somebody's got to.

He has a weekly podcast where he does exactly this.

He argues and debates over not novelty songs.

Sure.

He's good at it.

Well, I would be like, I would say, though, that right off the bat, though, I don't even consider Grandma got run over by.

But I'll tell you why it is.

Why not?

Why won't you?

Because I feel it's a Christmas song first.

But a Christmas novelty.

It can't be.

No, I think almost all Christmas songs are novelty songs, except if they're about to be aware of it.

Well, you know why it's fair?

I looked at his and I took a cue from what he did, and so I chose it.

So it's we have a one-to-one Christmas song ratio, at least.

Okay.

I was trying to.

Oh, you still kept the Christmas song?

They weren't one.

They actually won a couple of times.

Even if they win two, then you got the curator's on as well in his way to it.

Yeah, but people put it on the chair, isn't it?

And a controller.

We all think controllers

We're fighting video corrections, officer.

I mean, a great song.

We don't have a Tell him Steve Dave prison, do we?

No, no.

There's no crime in Telling Steve Dave Town Prison.

Novelty song,

comic takes on current events, cultural facts, or holidays.

Well known by most of the populace.

They endure year after year and are culturally relevant.

That's sort of.

He's came here with definition.

The definition of a novelty song.

He saw you coming from a mile away.

I'll note on the first session.

Let's get down to the record circle.

Christian.

Now you're talking to Louis.

I'm not looking at him.

He's talking to you.

That's who I'm talking down to.

I would argue in your favor that there are traditional Christmas songs, and this definitely bucks a trend.

It's campy, it's immediately supposed to not be taken seriously.

And so on the spectrum of Christmas songs, it's novelty.

There's a lot of Christmas songs that are novelties.

I mean, they just fall into that category because I think they just ran out of hymns after a while and just started banging it.

Right.

Rocking around.

thing you know i feel though that like

is not a true novelty song but again i'm not weighing in though no right

do you have an alt and we can remove the christmas songs from oh no that oh yeah he put it into play okay it's it's on the record okay it can't be removed

uh so Grandma got run over by a reindeer very quickly.

A grandmother is celebrating a Christmas Eve party with her family.

She's off her medication.

She's drunk on eggnogs.

She stumbles outside And

the family goes out there and finds her with hoof marks on her head, and she's deceased.

It's just not even funny in the least, though.

What are you talking about?

It's so funny.

It's funny.

It's

like a kid.

It was like the greatest song ever to come on the radio.

I mean, if you loved your grandma,

you could not enjoy this fucking song.

What?

Something that was invented in a trailer party.

It didn't look like hokey, but

it's novelty song.

So having hokey be a strike.

It is horrible.

Right, yeah.

Like, by definition, it should be hokey.

Yeah, I mean, right?

Yeah.

It's just frude.

It's not, it's just not, it's anti-talk.

I will say.

Grandma got fucked by a random.

Look what you're doing.

You're making the judge defend the song.

Is that what you're trying to do?

I will say the actual musical arrangement and the recording itself does sound cheap, almost like a karaoke version of a song.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah.

I would argue that's part of its strength.

Like that voice, that guitar.

I also agree with that.

Who's signed up?

Novelty.

Ray Stevens?

No, no.

It's this guy.

I believe it.

Ray Stevens was a lot more classic.

Elmo Shropshire and Patsy Trigg.

Wait a minute.

So you, wait a minute.

Dave said the guy who wrote the streak, Ray Stevens, has more class than the guy who wrote the streak.

He wrote Everything.

He wrote everything.

Ray Stevens is a real guy.

Yeah, Everything is Beautiful is a great song.

Really?

I thought it was a great

message, but it's a great song.

For an AM pop song, it's a pretty great song.

Sing it, children.

Okay.

Well, that part sucks.

Does he try to bully you like this often when you do it?

Yeah, all right.

It was popular enough to be featured in The Simpsons,

their fourth season when radio presenter Marty accidentally plays it for Valentine's Day.

What hasn't been played in The Simpsons?

Hold on a second.

My pages got messed up here.

What did it chart?

That couldn't have charted.

I don't see that it did chart.

Shit couldn't chart.

What?

That's not charted.

87.

I'm sorry.

87, man.

He's having a moral pattern.

That's higher than one of my other ones.

I hate that.

Somebody came and took a clip.

Yeah,

it's like his islands in the street.

I know there's other songs that were left off the list that are more deserving to be than Grandma Got Went Over by a Reindeer.

It's not personal.

We'll see if it kind of sounds perfect.

If the record clerk feels that way.

I'm sorry, it wasn't on The Simpsons, but it did have over 20 parodies, covers, television adaptions since the song was written.

The author of the song, or composer of the song, I guess you would say, claims it's a beloved holiday movie.

The video of the song was a holiday staple on MTV for many seasons, has been incorporated into Talking Toys, a musical greeting card, and he also says his royalties, Dave, I know I'm speaking your language, four to five times what they were 20 years ago.

A lot of younger people say it's not even Christmas until they hear it.

Would you ever consider doing an all-Christmas album, Dave?

I did a Christmas song once a long time ago for

Cool Beans.

What was the name of the song?

It was called

Galactus.

Yeah, we had Galactus, and it was about Galactus.

What was the title of the song?

I thought I had Christmas with Galactus.

Yeah, Christmas with Galileo.

Oh, I don't have that.

Was that on iTunes?

No.

No, no.

I had a cassette label.

way, way back, and we did a compilation, and that was one of the songs out there.

It was before Monster Magnet.

Oh, okay.

We would sell the cassettes

in stores, you know, well, like two stores.

Yeah, Jackson and the comic book store.

Yeah, yeah, and we just wrote this thing called Christmas with Galactus and actually has a guest star.

Galactus comes in.

It's like, you beauty human insect.

And he's screaming at

that for a song.

You know, it was

kind of cross between

what's the great Gantre Lawrence or Ruby Spears

Christmas special with the

animated effects?

Rudolph the Rednose Rankin and Bro, Rankin and Bass?

Yeah, it was Rankin and the Bass.

It's like a Rankin and Bass version of Galactus and Christmas.

Oh, you got a ball?

No, but

it was a concept.

You still have a copy?

That was the concept.

Somewhere.

Oh, I love to hear it.

Yeah, I want to go.

I saw Mommy Kissing Satan's Claws.

What?

I saw Mommy Kissing Satan's Claws on that.

You guys recorded that too?

That was.

Tim did that one.

Yeah, it was the band before Monster Magnet.

Whoa.

It was really noisy.

So you guys like novelty and Christmas songs.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, so I wasn't sure.

And went and over them basis.

Judge

of non-profitability.

Yeah.

Remember that?

Mom, Dad, Satan, and me.

I saw mommy kissing Satan.

I don't know if I'm comfortable losing with these two being this close.

I feel like there might have been like a little.

I don't want to say nepotism.

I mean, look, I'm surprised you hadn't called that earlier.

I'm, you know, you want to bring it to a vote.

I'm.

But he has, as a judge, do you...

We didn't talk about it.

It's not like we just throw him out of the waters.

That's all.

You know, I mean,

with everything Tim has to lose if it was found out he was throwing this,

the respect of the Patreon audience.

Yeah, he has too much to lose to have his judgments called into question.

Okay, all right.

That's a low blow.

Although you did muddy the water, so it is a low blow.

It didn't muddy the water so well.

That's all I'm trying to do, bro.

That's another little asterisk.

I'm okay.

That's it.

I'm good.

All right, let's continue.

Let's stop the song.

Number two, Bri.

Well, I'm going to say the only downer about this grandma got run over by a reindeer was when they did the video, Grandma Survives.

Yeah, she comes back down.

She pops out of it.

That's the only thing I liked about it.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Once I thought she was dead for good.

If she came back as a zombie, it would have been good.

It's too dark to be a Christmas song, in my opinion, because kids don't need that injection of darkness well you look at like when it came out it was like

you know i mean obviously you know we're talking about american culture you know american culture hit um

a point where it started to mock itself and it's been going doing that ever since that was probably around that time with stuff like that yeah yeah you know what i mean it's like we got to this point where there was nothing sacred anymore and everybody you started fucking with christmas and it's like and it's an indictment against the whole you know thing it's just like nothing is sacred not even Christmas.

Well, I could see how that's up.

Yeah, that's what I say.

That's upsetting to me.

Especially, like I said, because like you said,

if you have any affection for your grandma, this song should be eternal.

It's a novelty song.

I know it's a terrible novelty.

It should be a terrible.

You don't want to enjoy your novelty.

Do you not agree, Barn?

And if you have any respect for my dead grandmother or grandparent whatsoever,

it's like when I first saw that movie, The Balls of St.

Mary, so that kind of bummed me out too.

So the second one, Walt, is

these kids won't remember it, Q and Sal, but anybody who grew up in the 70s remembers Disco Duck.

In my opinion, the greatest novelty song

ever recorded was the Disco Duck.

That was the one you thought was the greatest novelty song.

Absolutely.

I thought it was a phenomenal novel.

You know, this video was.

It was a look it up.

And that guy was, what was his name?

Ricky.

It was a DJ.

There's a cast of idiots.

I know who were.

But he was a Memphis DJ.

I wasn't born when this came out then.

I was born in 76.

It came out in 76.

Okay, oh so that's why you have no attachment to it.

No, it was everywhere.

Everybody in the schoolyard was singing this.

I remember the title of song that it was a thing.

I couldn't really call it.

It's really bad.

He missed it.

He stepped on a lot of money because they wanted to include it in a Saturday Night Fever sounds right.

And his manager said

it's going to hurt your own album.

They didn't realize that he was a novelty one-hit wonder?

Oh my god.

He was a DJ.

More like Rick D's nuts.

Yeah, like, how could they not know that, like, lightning isn't going to strike again for you?

I don't know.

Well, he had another song called Disgorilla,

which I was not aware of until today.

What do we need?

We need to follow it up.

The video is awful.

It's just like these people dancing in a jungle setting and these two big gorilla arms swinging back and forth.

And then he's just, you know, trying to disco dance.

I think when you look up novelty song in a dictionary, Disco Duck is the example that is in the dictionary see i don't think so i mean

how old have you ever heard of weird owl yeah the king of novelty songs yeah but like if he had just started weird owl like brought it to a whole other level yeah i mean he's when you think of novelty songs you think of weird owl here's my here's my question about that yes but

is he the king of novelty songs or the king of parody songs Is there that much of a difference?

I don't know if we're going to draw a fine line here.

Yeah, I would say, yeah, I mean, like, that's where, like, Weird Owl just wouldn't go away.

I know Sal is a Weird Al song, so I'm trying to dismantle it.

It was just like, you know, he did it once, and he was like, okay, now I'm just going to parody every popular song.

Oh, he's an American treasure, man.

I've never found one song humorous.

How many of you have been talking about it?

How can you talk to me like Weird Al?

Never, not even a single person.

You're the one person.

You're the one person.

Oh, I'm not.

I've never heard anyone talk ill of him.

Yeah, me neither.

Hardly considered an American treasure.

A genius?

Yeah.

Yeah.

For what?

Yeah.

Dude, he's the guy.

He did it so well.

He did it better than anybody else.

Any technology 10-year-old could do what he did.

Name number two of him.

He's one of a kind.

Because there's no room in anybody's.

Nobody wants it.

Yeah, iPod.

That's how this conversation went when I get my rich.

You're exactly right.

I agree with you.

There's no room in anybody's appetite for another.

I don't think it's like weird out.

Like,

unfunny comedy song, dude.

There's just no room for it.

We have one.

America's like, all right.

Richard Cheese in the music.

Yeah.

Weird Al, the carrot top of music.

Oh.

How could you, of all people, have no respect for Weird Al?

I have respect for him, but it's just like, it's not

going to sound like it.

Can't wait for that weird Al.

I think he found a niche.

Sure.

And he was just amazing at it.

And he was so good that there can't be another one.

Well, they counted on him.

You know, it was like

they really, you know, he made a lot of fans.

They're like, what's Weird Al got to say?

Who can base there?

He came back recently.

He did First World Problems, which was really...

He did his first number one album.

And that was...

who can be that relevant and have that long of a career over that span of time doing quote-unquote parody songs.

And I said, I maintain that is.

He's waiting for the world to change so he can comment on it.

That is the question that cannot be answered.

I don't know how on earth this guy, who should have been a one-hit wonder, built this career just taking other people's songs and changing the lyrics.

Unfunny lyrics.

You're fat.

I know it.

You know, that's

funny.

That's hysterical.

That's funny.

I mean, it's like I said, it's like a 10-year-old.

But think about his videos that accompanied them.

They were unbelievable.

Michael Jackson let him use the set for bed.

They were going to destroy it.

He stopped them from destroying it to let him use it.

I know, but I maintain it.

Like,

it's an anomaly.

It should have never happened.

It should have been, he should have been like, he should have been Rick D.

Should be like, remember we were now?

that's a weird rick d should

i i i don't i'm with him you're a little bit

taking over

get on a boat and float out somewhere

uh final word on disco duck

how many how many units did that sell how many units it was a number one single i don't know how many number one long in a minute no it wasn't that bucket piece of yeah oh my god like we had fever duck fever in 1976

it was duck fever it was like swine flu but different.

Ducks.

Do you remember that?

I mean, I would love to hear this right now so we all could fall escape it.

Right.

It was like, I remember here, like, in the backseat of driving around my mother's car, if that song came on, it was just like, yes, it's on again.

You actually got shit.

Put your shit on.

We'd out.

Right.

You're in the back seat going fucking buck wild to disco duck.

Yes.

But we'd out didn't resonate?

No, because it was at least original Rick D's.

Like, who would think to combine disco and a duck?

Who?

Only Rick Dees.

Only the

only

the super genius that is Rick D's.

He's got disco?

So weird Alex not a genius.

They're not joining each other, but now they do.

Walls all with D.

But I just feel...

My name's Rick D, so it's three.

It's the original music, too.

You know what I'm saying?

It's not like he's not, didn't take the music of an existing artist and put like unfunny lyrics to it.

Well, that is very silly.

I like you always say unfunny lyrics.

It's just sort of turning a couple of listening.

I would say like obvious, like so fucking obvious.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

But the thing is, you know, that's what's funny about that.

When you do the obvious stuff, if no one else did it first, you're like, you're a genius.

It's like O.

Henry stories or something, you know, or Twilight Zone.

Again, if it's so obvious.

It's so fucking obvious.

Like, well, why didn't you do it, asshole?

Therefore, he gets to walk away with the cross.

Disco duck couldn't really be written, though, until disco was hit, big though.

No, it had to.

You couldn't do it.

He You could get back on something else.

Right.

Maybe they weren't around and just waited for Disco to happen.

I mean, there are novelty songs from the 50s and 60s that are totally bizarre.

We cannot be debating this much about this.

No, you have to do it.

That's the last song, Rob.

I just got it in a rock up in the bag.

My last word on Disco Duck is: Paul McCartney's on record on solid gold, saying that he wished he wrote Disco Duck.

A beetle.

Paul McCartney.

A beetle.

You've got to respect that.

Sir Paul.

He loves Disco Duck and Brian Quinn.

Yeah.

I mean, when Paul talks, I mean, it means

way more than what anything that he printed out right now.

Paul's human.

Let me tell you how Paul puts his pants on.

What was your number one?

My number one, which I thought, I really thought this was going to be your number one.

Yeah, so did I.

I loved Disco Duck.

Monster Mash.

Yeah, really.

Monster Mesh, novelty song by Bobby Boris Pickett and the Crypt Kickers.

Yeah.

Dave, you must have been into this, right?

You know,

it.

I always thought it was.

Didn't like it.

Didn't like it?

No, I mean, I want you guys to know.

I wanted to.

I like it too.

How do you not like it?

Because I love Universal Monsters.

I love that, but it's not

a written song, though.

It's a novelty song.

You know, I know, but it's just not.

It's not the masterpiece that Discord.

When you think of Well-Ready songs, your mind goes to a few imagines.

This was done.

That's true.

There's real love in there, too.

Yeah, yeah, like, every Halloween, I would like, I would hear the song and I'd be like, oh, yeah, I should love this.

Yeah, let me give this another try.

I had a love song yesterday.

And I would just be like, I didn't like the bad Karloff imitation.

That's why I didn't like it.

Ooh, that's a good point.

I just didn't like it.

Have you seen the video?

Where the guy, like, I mean, obviously he's lip-syncing the whole time, but he just makes these weird faces.

Like, I guess he's trying to.

Is it Bobby Boris Pickett?

Yeah.

Like, actually back in the day doing it yeah yeah if you look go on YouTube you'll see it's very strange where he uh he's singing to an audience and just like his face is all contorting and shit like I guess he's a mad scientist right are you allowed to do that are you allowed to just steal someone's voice like that like you don't want to get the real Karloff you just get somebody who sounds like Karloff yeah you could do it you could do it and Karloff can't do anything about it nope

I think they said

exactly I think they said that he got uh Sarah Karlov's permission or somebody got Sarah Karlov's permission well was he alive at the time oh he would have been alive would Would he have been alive at that time?

When the song was that 1962 or something?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And he did a rap version of it in 1980.

He kept going back to that well.

He's got to knock it down.

Yeah, he kept going to that well.

Oh, he did.

Yeah.

But we're not talking about the well.

We're talking about the chart.

Well, here's the stats on it.

So it got to,

it was number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart the year it came out in 1962.

It has been a perennial Halloween favorite ever since.

It was re-released several times, appeared on the U.S.

Billboard charts on two occasions after the original release, August 1970, May 1973, nearly 50 years after its re-release.

Monster Mesh re-entered the Billboard Hot 100 chart at number 37.

It is the preeminent Halloween song.

I mean, so long as nobody Halloween's Eve.

It's amazing, though, that nobody can, like, you know, unseat it, though.

All these many years later, it's still the go-to song.

I know.

It's almost like people aren't trying to get it.

They're not trying to live through it.

And the

dynamics of radio and all that stuff has changed now.

It's like different world.

So this is the song that I felt

was The Simpsons one.

No, it was featured in the Monster Mesh was featured twice on The Simpsons.

And if you're on The Simpsons, that's culturally relevant, right?

Absolutely.

I mean, I was on The Simpsons.

Yeah.

You were, that's right.

Really?

Salval County?

Well, not The Simpsons, but a clip of Homer Simpson talking to Conan for Conan's last episode.

We were on.

Wow.

But

they mentioned my name, which is kind of cool.

Yeah, yours was the only name mentioned, right?

Yours was the only name mentioned, right?

Well, Impractical Jokes was mentioned, but then as a reference, he said, you thought he was right.

The voice came in.

Right.

And the

horror punk band, The Misfits, recorded a cover version of it in 1997.

I don't know.

I think this is one of those.

Yeah, I wouldn't mention that.

That was when the Misfits completely sucked.

I watched the video and I was like, people like this band?

They always sucked.

Did they?

Yeah.

Yeah, I was saying.

You're more of a punk guy, right?

You were into punk guy.

They were better in

than they are in actual early situations.

I saw them a couple of times, and I just thought they were bad.

He's so far away.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought they were.

I mean, I just thought they were, you know, they look cool.

They have a lot of, like, their merchandise is fucking phenomenal.

Well, that would, I mean, that's the big sensation.

Like, they really knocked it out of the park with that thing.

And he stole that design from what movie?

The Red Ghoul.

Or the

Skull Dynamic.

Oh, really?

It was a serial

30s.

30s, like Red Ghost or something.

Yeah,

Red Death.

Yeah.

And just, man, it's just like rock culture, just what's like the motorhead logo.

Just we love this forever.

You're not having a Halloween party without Monster Man.

No, you're not.

No, you're not.

No, you're really.

I mean, you got two.

Yeah, you got, you, you knocked them loopy with Disco up and then you went for a kill with uh monster man

all right so

okay uh i'll be afraid this man i'll be speaking off the top of my head i did not i have statistical backup but i'll be speaking from a pace place of emotion which i really think is what the music is rooted in anyway nice

you gotta hand it to this guy you know this is a tough this is tough okay

I'll start with

well, let me start with the Christmas song to volley back to your side.

I don't think all Christmas songs are novelty, but I think this one would fit the bill.

I think it's the quintessential, if there ever was a novelty, Christmas song.

I think that it is backed up by even more of a lore and a universe that make the song more impactful.

I think it resonates with people of all ages,

including now.

Everyone wouldn't deny it's still completely relevant to this day.

And it's Boris Karloff, you're a mean one, Mr.

Grinch.

I just think that, you know, it comes on, and I never not listen to to it.

I never don't sing a lot.

I'm not sure.

Is it forced, Carlos?

I think it is.

I don't know if that's a novelty song.

Well, I mean, how else would you describe it?

A Christmas song.

A Christmas novelty song.

TV Christmas song.

Yeah, I don't know.

It has a lot of hyphen.

I mean, it has narration.

Christmas TV novelty.

I don't know.

It just,

it's that his deep voice, and he speaks through it.

It's a great song.

I love it.

I think I said

as original as it may come, based on an original character.

You know what?

If you're going to put it up against A Holy Night

and then

A Holy Night

is a bit of a leap.

It's certainly just an automatic.

And if I had to put Mr.

Grinch up against Grandma Got Run Over by Radio, I would take Mr.

Grinch.

It's a better Christmas song.

Yeah.

I like that song better than I mean The Grinch is one of those things when, just like with the Monster Mash, when Christmas rolls around,

you got to watch Miracle on 34th Street.

You got to watch Rudolph that we just talked about.

I mean, you got to watch The Grinch.

And it's, for me, it's novelty, and I just think it's pretty undeniable.

But is every song in that show then a novelty song?

I mean, is every song in

a single shittier than others?

But yeah, I would say they're all

novelty songs.

Just ask them.

I think there's something to the slicing out of it and presenting it on its own that makes it a little bit of a novelty song.

And yeah, it stands off on its own.

The other songs really don't.

Let me ask you a question.

Is the Ghostbusters theme a novelty song?

In this day and age?

No.

No.

I don't think so.

No.

Oh, that's good because I almost chose Bat Dance by Prince, and that wouldn't have an algorithm.

That wouldn't have been a nice one.

No, that's just a song.

Okay.

All right.

Well,

my mind didn't go to Christmas until I did see your selections just so I can understand what songs meant novelty.

And so I took my cue from.

That's a good question.

It's a big philosophical song.

It is.

So you got, you know, I think they kind of negate each other.

The two Christmas songs.

It's a great song.

Are you the assistant manager?

I really feel they just.

I'm playing for the Chupacabra right now.

I feel they just kind of negate each other, and now you've knocked out one.

Now you got to go back.

Yeah, that's got to knock out.

Better than taking it out one.

It's a wash.

It's a push.

Yeah.

One L could fuck you, buddy.

Let me go par to par.

I'll give you my generation's disco duck.

Okay?

Because you said you had duck fever.

Tell it.

Well, I had Pac-Man fever by Buckner and Garcia.

That

ruled the 80s, ruled my life.

Pac-Man is still, Miss Pac-Man is still my favorite video game.

I still know it.

It still comes on.

I just, it's a definite, I think it's the quintessential novelty song.

And I think it, I mean, I think it took over when it was out, just like much like Disco Duck.

So taking nothing away from that because I didn't live through that.

But I would call this my generation, my generation.

My age cracking on this one is

all songs.

And it only came out like, what, a year or two after Disco Duck?

Right?

It was 80s.

Only a little 81 four years different four years yeah could have been possibly there maybe there could have been no pac-man fever without it

that's what's great about being older i got to enjoy disco duck and pac-man

you straddled right

did it chart like a cool was the first song that came to mind uh without having to then feel like what else is a novelty song it almost came right to the forefront of my mind and also it is like it's nostalgic and and pac-man is relevant right now and it's just i just think it spans again all ages all decades

oh my god it's on you can't even back it's on every system it's on every it's it's in front of your face all the time still still yeah yeah this they sell this they sell those those

arcade game table ones they sell yeah you know pokeman is doing really good now too you want to go on that side of the table

i'm making the argument that it is a good novelty song because i don't think it's going to win against disco dust that's why i wanted to stand up disco dust disco duck okay i will say though also if i could just put Pac-Man Thever up against Disco Duck on the merits of music as well, I do think

but where did it chart?

Number nine.

Oh, so it's only eight spots behind Disco Duck.

I didn't even thought it charted in the top ten, but it made a top ten.

I didn't want to strong Disco Duck, so I played it for like all I could stand

and I said, wow, obviously I'm going to be able to, you know.

And then that's why I was like, oh, we're picking horrible songs.

And that's why I originally chose the Yankees.

I get it.

You're that Yankee song.

What the fuck?

Fuck, that's it's why I just thought we were picking terrible songs.

Uh, so I also think it has a little bit of a bomb.

I think you know, it's got like it's got it's like a little bit of a dance.

It hits you, it hits you.

I think you've done as well as you possibly could with with Disco Duck in your way.

You're like, you're like a defense lawyer.

You're like a defense lawyer.

You got DNA on your client.

You know, you got DNA, but you still got to go through it.

Put on this glove.

Put on the glove.

In shock.

I have never.

I have never in my life.

I've never heard of Disco Duck, but I've also still can't imagine if I had heard of it, I would ever see someone as adamant,

as a disco duck stan, as the kids say, as yourself.

I mean, it's like you live and die by the duck.

Yeah, I didn't realize how passionate you are.

I love this song.

You had to be there.

You had to be there.

You had to live it.

Okay, I did live it.

Can you do your part in bringing Disco Duck back to the mainstream by one of you guys wearing a shirt on the show?

Sure.

just a disco duck

that would be awesome i would love

um i don't know and it's also attached to something that is even bigger than the song and culture irrelevance so i think it's like it just has a good pedigree as opposed to disco duck is a standalone thing it was very impressive yeah like i didn't think you could come

with anything even close to that and you did a good job right you did very good very good job but you got one more song though you know what it is babe don't you call me pudgy polio stout

I went to the Godfather of parody and novelty, and I chose

one of my...

I chose the song that I have the original record to.

You bought this?

Yes, I have it on 45.

And yeah, God.

If you had bought

the full album, would that mean more significance to you, Tim, in your judgment?

Or is it 45 enough?

No.

I probably have to say that.

I just figured

what's a really good sampling of one of the best novelty acts around.

How old are you in this?

Because this has got to be 1986.

88.

I was 12.

Oh, you're okay.

All right.

That makes a lot more sense.

Yeah.

I had written down.

I like Weird L as well.

I just, for the first time, saw White and Archie.

Yeah.

He's an accomplished rapper.

Like, his rapping is actually pretty good.

I was surprised.

He did that whole R.

Kelly one in the closet.

He did Amish Paradise,

which is another one.

I mean, it's endless.

His calculator.

I missed everything.

Amish Paradise.

We tried to get him on comic book, man.

He was at the Count Basie one night, and he was walking down the street, and the producers ran down, and they're like, please, please come on.

But he was like, fuck off.

But I wrote today.

Today, fat is not very politically correct.

A novelty song should be able to be enjoyed by all, even fat people.

There's a line in it that says he's got more chins than Chinatown.

So it's kind of a little xenophobic.

And it also makes people think of a child monster.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

He's not fat shaming.

He is fat.

He is fat.

He's fat, right?

So how would that be?

But you can't bring that body.

That would be right in line with today.

You can't bring it up.

He's owning his body.

It's body positivity.

He's bullied for not being fat.

And he's like, fuck you, I am fat.

Let the record show.

He does own it.

He's a fat positivity suit.

He was wearing a fat suit.

No, but the character in the song.

Right.

But I mean, just because you say you're the character.

I'm saying it didn't age well.

That's what I'm saying.

Once again, I think this song has a good pedigree as it is parodying, parodying one of the most recognizable pop icons and pop songs.

Something that Michael Jackson did well was he attached imagery, whether it be his outfits, to his songs.

And I think this is an extension of that.

So, again, I'm just picking stuff that really have a really good foundation behind them as well.

There's not one quack in the whole goddamn song.

Wow.

See, that's why I know this fucking guy didn't need any prep work.

He rolls in here.

Well done.

I told you he was going to do well.

You got a tough decision.

This is a lot tougher than I thought.

And you blew the last one, so let's see.

Let's see if you got this one right.

Jesus.

I'm playing for the Kripke.

I mean, this is an opportunity if you fix that hurt.

What was your favorite one?

What was your favorite song out of the six?

See, my favorite song of the six was Monster Mash.

Okay.

What was your second favorite song out of the six?

Your You're our main one, Mr.

Grinch.

What was your third?

My late end.

Disco Duck.

Oh.

The shame in your voice.

Yeah.

We know what it is, then we know what it is.

Well, unless the next two are mine, then it's like,

I gotta, it's a lot closer than I thought it was gonna be because your arguments were great.

But I gotta go with

Monster Mashes, so I gotta go with Brian on this.

But it was,

I'm sorry.

Thanks for carrying it.

Fair play.

Fair play.

I gotta say, I liked all of your songs.

Thanks, bud.

I thought they were.

This is a really good song.

That's why, yeah, the whole concept of the game is ridiculous.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

You're like,

but that's where the song comes in.

Yeah.

All right.

So we're tied up.

And the next two things we're doing are going to be way quicker than this.

I promise you.

But Tim, now you join Sal and Dave on their team for the next section.

Or you can stay over to Airbus.

All right.

Boys, if we're all intact, there's 16 balls at this table.

Right, Dave?

You're intact, I'm assuming.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm good.

No, I got three.

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Yeah.

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All right.

All right.

Back to the fray.

Back to it.

I thought Giddam was eating fucking earplugs.

Giddam's not supposed to be here yet.

Giddam's not introduced into the episode yet.

That's a great intro.

I don't think of it now, but I was like, Where the fuck is Ken eat me in plugs?

Least strangest thing I've eaten.

So, up next is probably the most requested, requested, requested?

I think requested

segment

of easily the last five years.

I get it a weekly people saying, When are you going to bring this segment back?

And it's, I'll explain what it is to Sal and Dave.

It's called Two Live Crew or One Middle Age Jew.

And what happens is Sunday Jeff, who we're welcoming to the table right now.

He will read to Team Dave, Sal, and Tim, since you now join their team, he will read two verses.

One is a real naughty verse, not from Two Life Crew, but on the level of Two Life Crew.

And one's a Lenny Bruce lyric?

No, the other one is

a rap, naughty verse that he wrote.

And you have to say,

you have to say which, you have to pick which one Sunday Jeff wrote.

Oh, this is amazing.

He's not going to be.

It's harder than you think.

Okay.

Yeah,

he's good at it.

All right, Sunday.

So

this first two raps are for Team

Sal, Dave, and Tim.

You thought of this game?

Yeah.

And named it?

Yes.

Team Chancellor.

Waiting for the chronologist.

Here we go.

Alright, first title one is Slob on My Knob.

I like the attitude.

From the hood, bro.

Here we go.

Sniff a little coke.

Take a little X.

Smoke a little weed.

Drink a little bit.

I need a girl that I can get freaky with.

And want to try my...

And when I try shit, I ain't scared of a big dick and love to get a pussy licked.

But by another bitch, because I ain't drunk enough to do that.

Do you want it on the floor?

Do you want it on the the chair?

Do you want it over here?

Do you want it over there?

Do you want it in your pussy?

Do you want it in your ass?

I'll give you anything you can handle.

Charming.

First one.

I mean, if I close my eyes,

it's like Snoop, right?

Oh, like you like her.

Wow.

You really, you really

have the essence.

Yeah.

So now do rap two, and then we have to decide which one is yours and which one was the real.

okay.

This is the second one.

It's called Tohos.

Didn't know I like to fuck casuals, did you?

Getting freaky with Godzilla's ugly ass son Minya.

Me, Kong, and Rodan all getting head from a space dragon called Ghidorah.

So perverted I gerbil stuffed that lava stage version of Mathara.

I can go all night, son, even longer than a robot mecha Godzilla.

Cause compared to me, that tin is just a pocket-sized vibrator.

Wow.

Jeez.

Yeah.

I mean,

what do you guys think?

I could guess.

Well, sort of we all weigh in, and then we get the final one.

Yeah, and then you get a final second one.

It's much nicer.

Yeah.

Well, because if I say something and I'll sway them, we should like right.

I just don't want to sway us.

Well, you were on the same team.

You're on the same team.

Oh, we were on the same team.

Yeah, James.

Gotcha, gotcha.

Yeah.

Okay, so I've officially understood zero games tonight.

Okay.

I think the second one was, although it was good, I think the second one, I think it was Sunday Jeff's.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

Because it was much nerdier than the first one.

Yeah, and it's funnier.

Yeah.

You know, it's just funnier.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Unanimous.

Yeah.

Unanimous for number two.

That would be correct.

That would be correct.

The curator gets another point.

He kind of gave it away by making one exclusively about Godzilla, about the show.

And the other one, I don't know.

He doesn't imagine himself as being a woman being eaten out.

That's possible.

Always possible.

All right.

But it's always a pleasure to see.

But he writes what he knows, though.

Not so much.

The rap's bad.

In fact, the rap is excellent.

I'm just saying, like, if I have to guess which one he wrote, it's going to be the one that

he's topics that he's talking about.

I didn't know that, though.

The next one's going to be about him running the register in a fucking complex.

But please, I hope it's that easy.

The next one's going to be like, Sunday Jeff's going to fuck you.

I'm anxiously awaiting the fusion.

Yeah, the fusion.

Yeah, yeah.

God still are going to fuck you.

All right, this is rap number three.

Sell Black 69.

Cell block or cell block 69.

Cell block.

So black.

So black.

What's the source of my throbbing erection?

Hot bitches going down on each other while incarceration.

My most prized possession, my sealed, unopened women in prison DVD collection.

Fuck the MCU and Star Wars, because the Oscar goes to any film with a jail and whores.

See of women showering captivity has always been my deprevity.

No need to order, no blue chew.

Not when I got classes like chained heat too.

He just dropped the mic.

Amazing.

Why were you making on tactic eye contact with stacy the entire time you were saying that song oh my god can you read it again we were like because the the last line is so good that's great the last line at least

i'll read it again yeah yeah give us one more time do it again

oh god cell block 69

What's the source of my throbbing erection?

Hot bitches going down on each other while incarceration.

My most prized possession, my sealed, unopened women in prison DVD collection.

Fuck the MCU and Star Wars, because the Oscar goes to any film with a jail and whores.

Scenes of women showering in captivity has always been my deprivity.

No need to order no Blue Chew.

No, when I got classics like Chained Heat 2.

What was the last line?

I got classics like Chained Heat.

No need to order Blue Chew.

Not while I got the classics, like Chained Heat 2.

All right.

All right.

You want to read?

Number two.

that was real.

I want to hear it.

Okay.

I gotta hear lessons.

Yeah, I want to hear it.

Number four is freaky leak.

Slap on my knob like corn on the cob.

Check it in with me and do your job.

Lay on the bed and give me a head.

Don't have to ask, don't beg.

Let me start over again.

Yeah, please.

Please.

Slide on my knob like corn on the cob.

Check in with me and do your job.

Lay on the bed and give me head.

Don't have to ask, don't have to beg.

Juicy is my name, sex is my game.

Let's call the boys, let's run a train, squeeze on my nuts, and lick on my butt.

Are you making eye contact with Giddam during this?

All right, well, let's see what's for them.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I've got significant ones,

considering it's Bluetooth.

Are you sure?

And the women in prison movies.

But I gotta say, still magnificent performance.

Absolutely.

DVDs, the MCU, and Trails.

DVDs got me first.

Then he also, the second one, said the rapper's name.

Juicy's my name.

He's one of the guys with Two Life Crews.

No, this isn't a Two Life Crew song.

Who wrote that song?

The second one.

Oh, Juicy J?

No, it's by Petey Pablo.

Oh, okay.

Freak a Leak is by Pete Pablo.

Hate to fact check you on that.

But the name comes from, because originally we just did it with Two Life Crew verses.

Okay.

But

they're so so limited, though.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

I would say don't say the name of the song because if no one, everyone recognizes it, it's a dead giveaway.

But that's just me.

Yeah, yeah.

I always think that nobody knows any rap songs because I don't.

You know something now.

But did everybody get the fucking title of the Toho one?

What was the name again?

Tohos.

To-O-E.

What was the LARV thing again?

Superverted,

I gerbil stuffed the larva stage version of a mothra.

So you put awesome offer up your ass.

It's an awesome, awesome race.

This should be a subset of the 13%ers who call themselves Tohos.

Right?

And like, maybe they dress up like sexy Godzilla.

Is that right?

The Tohos?

Yeah.

That's honestly.

You heard a 13%er.

Good luck.

You need to be in Sunday Jeff's stable.

So it is really coming down to the wire because you both teams got points in that one yeah so we're still tied and that brings us to introduce our last

celeb

of the of the night yeah get him steve dave for an episode of

i got i mean since what i know i i you know i know we're going a little long here but i just i i did want to take a second out to out of 500 episodes the impact that this man has had on our show oh yeah from the moment he arrived to to right now

we all owe you a debt of thanks because really, I don't think the show would be what it is today without Giddam.

And I mean that sincerely, dude.

Do you remember meeting Giddim on episode?

I don't know.

It was a very early on episode.

I remember meeting you early on.

I was like, who's the hell is this?

Yeah, he was the guy that put all the cams in his house.

Yeah.

He doesn't do that anymore.

Because his house burned down, bro.

And the cams did too.

Yeah.

But Gidham is here to play a game that we haven't played since episode 300 when Sal was here.

So I thought it was nice to bring it back.

It's called Get Him to Know You, Get Him to Know All About You.

So I'm going to ask Get Him three questions.

A question, he's going to give you three answers.

And you have guys.

Every game is a variation of the very first game, one, two, three.

Find out.

I mean, it's all the same.

One is right, two are wrong.

Okay.

So the first question is going to be for team Sal, Dave, and Tim.

What is your go-to subject to talk about when having phone sex?

So tell them.

Number one,

talking about my superior intelligence.

He is 148 IQ.

Wow, you're just blown away, weren't you?

Just

accept it.

Pick your job

off the table.

Can I have a number?

I don't actually have a phone number, but you can eye message me.

Number two, talking about how much I want her to dominate me.

Who's this question for?

This is for Team Tim, Sal, and Dave.

Okay, I just wanted to look at us.

And number three,

talking dirty while doing impressions of famous celebrities.

I could see any one of these being true.

Yeah, all the above.

The third one?

Yeah, yeah, I can see it being true with this guy.

The third one rung a little bit.

Nothing with supposedly me.

You don't think he could do one of your impressions for him then?

Do talk dirty under one of your best impressions.

I'm not going to go down on you.

I'm not going to eat you.

Like, hell, I'm not.

Was that John Wayne?

That was John Wayne discussing cumulingness.

I'm sorry.

Got your excitement and jerking yourself over?

No, no, it's doing like phone sex.

No, I know, but that.

I'm trying to get her dripping.

Oh, yeah.

There's a reason why he's single.

Yeah.

That's out.

We'll do the other one.

And wait, and wait, are the people who have

phone sex with 75 and over?

So they can get that reference?

Well, another one of mine is:

I've been looking at you through the window, Andy.

Are you talking about Barney?

Barney?

Yes, yes.

Yes, Barney Fife.

Barney Fife.

You know, American Treasure.

Nothing gets you going like Barney Fife in your ear.

I've always said that.

Don Notz.

Oh, Don Knotts just takes the panties drop.

I really thought that was Don Knott.

So you do have something there.

Do you say Andy regardless of who you're talking to?

I didn't want to say And B, but.

Oh, I'm rubbing my bush with Vixen

Vix Baba rub.

Okay.

Oof.

Okay.

I think the intellect.

I think he would

talk about how smart he is.

Honestly,

I think that's funny, but I think that that would be.

Yeah, but you're through the looking glass right now.

You got to remember that.

I understand.

Well, oh,

you think he zigs.

He doesn't even zag.

It's a whole nother word you never even heard.

I just can't understand what the talk would be if it was about the intelligence.

I'm smart.

I'm smart.

I'm smart.

But remember, the girl has to return.

Her intelligence is a road to something else.

She's getting paid.

So basically,

the beginning of the conversation would be her talking about its intelligence, and basically we get to number two, which is bing, the winner.

I think number two.

Yeah, I mean, run number two rings true with probably everybody.

There's a side of that in all of us, maybe.

Am I speaking out of turn?

Yeah, fair enough.

Okay.

If you two.

I would defer to you guys, though.

No, but you know, I'm just guessing.

I'm not sure two, so I'm fine with that.

Two is too normal for him.

I know.

Don't feel bad.

Nobody knows him.

But, like, I'll totally.

I don't have.

I could be swayed, guys.

So.

Well,

they all sound very realistic to me.

And I would say they all could be.

They couldn't be numbers.

Wait a minute.

They all could be up there.

Do you think him doing John Wayne to turn a girl on is realistic?

Yeah, because I think they would think it was funny and therefore it would lead to being number two again.

All those things revolve around the one thing where actually something really happens.

That's the only thing where something really happens.

Everything else is just prologue.

The John Wayne and Donnot's impression.

What the hell do I know?

I don't have an air in that dog.

Wow.

There's like a.

If you guys think too.

Charlie, there's only two words,

only two syllables that get me excited.

Pussy.

Hoah.

That alpuccino incentive of woman?

He's nailing them because you know.

Yeah, that's that's it.

Wow.

What do you think it is, Dave?

I think it's number two.

Domination.

What?

Yeah.

I think McGuire's the only one that actually has sex.

His whole life, though.

What?

He's dominated in every aspect of his life.

That's what he needs.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know the backstory.

I will say this, though.

I will say this.

If he knows what the game's about, right?

And

two of them are...

a little bit off and one's not.

So it almost seems obvious that it's two.

And if he knows what the game's about and he's playing the game the right way,

it seems to me that he would not inject something obvious with those other two like that.

So now I'm actually...

Because he has an IQ of 148.

Right.

Right.

Only a person with

147.

I talking like John Wayne on the phone.

Okay.

What are you guys going to go with?

I say one, but I really don't give a shit.

My gut said two, but because of what we deduced, I'm going to go with Tim and I would agree with Wayne.

What you want, but you think I'm going to stick with two.

Yeah,

well more fun doesn't mean it's true no but then again I don't I don't know this man so I have no idea whether you have one more thing if we do something if we do this if we win or lose it doesn't mean the Kardashians lose not going to this is not going to make the curator lose

what do you guys want to go with two or one

I say one but whatever all right well these guys are going with if they're both going with one so I'll have to go with them you're gonna you're gonna okay well I'm not gonna break with them all right yeah okay

two two two which one was it?

Get him.

I like to drop obscure movie lines in the voices.

Oh, my.

Oh, no.

I'm reeling.

I'm reeling.

You can't see it as a listener.

I did everything I can to help you guys.

I told you who you were dealing with.

You did.

You did.

I gave it to you.

You did.

None of us said three.

That's exactly why you should have known.

There was three.

Yeah.

Fucking fuck.

They say humor is an aphrodisiac, which I think you guys would know.

Yeah,

a show where you're funny.

Yeah, but it's got to be funny.

I don't go full in right away.

I

solely

bring them in.

Attempted humor is not an aphrodisiac.

Wait, so the girl on the other line is listening to this?

Yeah.

She's got no choice.

She clashes her.

It is.

Does she know?

Flattering herself.

Yeah, usually yes.

Wait, so she's flattering herself.

Take my my advice, like, they've been in the bathtub before, no, try Jack Philanthropy and Tammer, so no offense, but the girl is pleasuring herself to

uh

Barney Fife, yeah.

I mean, like,

she has spying on her,

that's his deal,

just

Z-rated impressions of antiquated celebrities.

Do you do anybody in the last century?

Well, but Senator William was a Kirk Douglas in there.

I want a Kirk Douglas

current Kirk Douglas.

I think, to be fair, what happens on the other end?

He's like, I could never tell a lie.

I think what happens on the other end is she doesn't know what he's doing, but she's just

funny.

Yeah, she just thinks he's doing funny voices.

But to him,

he's working an act.

Frank Gorshin's amazing.

Yeah, Frank Gorshin.

What's the coup de grace?

What gets her there?

Yo, I have to meet the, you know, I have to know the girl for a little bit before I finally figure out.

Oh, this isn't Phone Sex Operator?

No, no, no.

Oh, I thought it was phone sex operator.

Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.

I know we're running.

$299 a minute.

I tend to get into long-distance relationships.

Oh, so you just so I just, I'm not even, genuinely, you have done that.

You have done that for real with a real person

in your life.

And they listened and

eventually not.

And they stayed the night?

I was so wow, I thought that was somebody.

No, no, no.

Okay.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

That's a lot to unpack there.

Someday I'll tell you about the lion's head story.

But that'll be for the next episode, guys.

Would you implement that?

Would you put any of you guys take that into and maybe do it on you and make it part of your repertoire?

I have enough trouble getting erection as it is.

Yeah.

Whatever works.

Wow.

So we have a chance to win it right now.

No, but it's more.

There's another segment after this.

Yeah?

Yeah.

So you're going to be going to get it.

But wait, but if we win, if we get another point, the only thing the next segment can do is tie.

Let us tie.

No, there's more gimmick to know you questions.

Oh,

let's go.

What is the score?

There's 50 of them.

It's Ty game right now.

No,

there's only four.

Get him.

Here all night, boys.

Doors locked.

The 100 impressions of Get him.

All right, Gim.

What was the one that got him?

I mean, we...

Vincent Price.

That's the one.

What a closer.

John Williams.

What's the closer?

The dude depends on the girl and movies that we've seen.

And I kind of know what her

thing is.

Yeah, so I try to like steer it back to things that we've seen before.

And Ralph Roth.

Benji.

The night they watched Faces in Depth was not great.

Okay, for Team Bry,

Q, and now Sunday Jeff has joined the team.

I don't know if you guys remember, but in episode 300, we asked this question: name a household item that you once or still find erotic.

And the answer was a birdhouse.

So I asked him, name.

All butts are all, of course.

Anyone's game.

Anything can happen now.

So I asked him, name another household item, not a birdhouse, that you find

once or still do erotic.

And what

so what are the household items that you find erotic?

A sink/slash strain.

Get it?

B,

patio umbrella, or C, a coat rack.

Oh, good luck.

All right, the sink/slash drain,

that seems almost too obvious, right?

Yeah, and the patio umbrellas.

You guys have a better chance of guessing the Pythagorean theory.

So this game comes from, like, I spend more time with him than anybody else here at the table.

So it...

for now months and months going on a year every day almost together he has come out and told me this did you ever feel like that?

Unprovoked?

Yeah.

I just keep it in mind

for a moment like this.

Stuff pops up on the love boat or TV.

Yeah,

you might have a lawsuit on your hands.

What was the last one again?

What was the last one again?

A coat rack.

The love boat.

Because there's coat hangers on there.

Is there like a story about somebody fucking a birdhouse on a boat?

No, no, no.

This is

other stuff.

It's pretty obvious why he finds the birdhouse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The birds.

Although it's the hole.

the drain is

driving.

The sink is an obvious one.

This is what I do with my time.

I come out of the house for the first time.

I sit fucking locked down.

And I come and die of COVID because of that.

This is the best time I've had in five years.

The drain, I mean, it's an obvious one because it's wet and it's circulating.

It sucks down fluids.

Do you have an incinerator in your sink do you have a sink

right now no but i did

oh i got a garbage disposal across the order not have a garbage disposal

because that probably would do it's the second one yes the umbrella

patio patio umbrella yeah

it's gotta go with what do you think what are you thinking sundae i'm actually thinking coat rack because i saw him when it was like remember the coat rack he he wouldn't let that go man it's just like it was like a child.

He was trying to save a child that was on life support.

The thing broke a million times.

He kept, he would not give up on that thing.

I think he fucked it.

So that's what this is.

I mean, that's the only thing now with Nicky out of those three.

I got to go with something, Justin.

I mean, if he saw the look of lust in his eyes, he would not let it go.

And he told me every way.

Like, check out look at the song, man, man.

It's not going anywhere now.

That's what I'm saying.

I wonder how it got broken to to begin with.

Yeah, this coat rack's going to do what I tell you.

I think you fucked it.

Are you panosexual when you're attracted to inanimate objects?

Yeah, I think you're

everything, right?

I don't know.

I don't want to paint a picture that he's like

never turned on by.

No, no, I know.

He's fixing it.

He's not a friend of the question.

He just said it in passing.

Sure, sure, sure.

I'll go with Coat Rack.

What do you want, Bri?

I mean, there's no answer that I can point out and be like, what are you guys stupid?

It's obviously this.

You didn't pick the umbrella.

So, I mean, yeah, I mean, if you have experience watching him molest a coat rack, I forgot that you

remember that coat rack that he just would not throw away.

Came in, check out this dial I got.

It's perfect size.

The amount of

time and care he put into repairing that coat rack using that foster bit, yeah.

Definitely fucked it.

You can support my weight now, right?

He kept saying, Yeah,

stealth through it now.

He started doing a Barney Fife impression to it.

You ever heard that?

Howdy, partner.

Ready to get mounted?

All right.

Let's go coat rack.

Coat rack.

Reveal it.

Get him.

It is drain slash sinks.

Oh,

obvious.

That the spiral, the Coriolis effect.

Oh, fuck yeah.

The clearing of it, it's just, and that sound it makes that

sucks down

food waste.

You're not mixing this up with a toilet, are you?

Guys, I brought Sal Addy.

You know what's good when it gets kind of clogged and then you think it's going to be clogged and then all of a sudden it all rushes down.

I never had as much fun as I do on this podcast.

What do you think?

What are your thoughts on a backed up sync?

It's got to get cleared.

A plus B, we'll see, babe.

I'm the guy to do it.

What are you fucking stupid?

So no points.

And I think it's three to two.

Team Bry, Q, and Jeff.

So that's, you guys got a one-point lead right here.

Okay.

So this is a point.

I thought we were tied.

Because didn't we win the first two rounds?

It was 1-1 after Purveyors posers.

It was 1-1 after

What's on the Menu and 1-2-3.

And then you guys got the song.

Oh, it is tied.

It is tied.

All right.

So it's 3-3.

You had

a major, major.

I had plenty of jobs.

Believe me.

Oh, God.

I'm writing fucking raps about Toho characters.

Oh, my God.

Believe believe it.

He's a cat wrangler.

All right.

Ready, get him?

This is for Team Tim, Sal, and Dave.

Okay.

An unlikely lust object.

Are you sure about that?

You guys want to huddle?

Looking at question four?

Oh, yes, you're right.

Thank you, Giddam.

A time I masturbate it for reasons not sexually motivated.

At one point,

how's that even ready?

How's it even possible?

You masturbate

plumbing issue.

Some sort of mechanical.

We'll find out.

Okay.

Right.

A,

to stay awake on a long ride trip, a long road trip.

B, to sell sperm in college.

Or C, to measure if I produce the average amount of semen according to a Cosmo Teen article that I read.

Dave's mouth tripped over.

Yeah.

The jaw drop.

Well, they're all good.

You measured like in a little like.

You just measured the actual fluid ounces or the actual, like the actual

density.

Motility.

Yeah, I didn't mention the motility.

Not motility of fertility.

No, no, no.

I just measured the.

It doesn't have a lab.

Yeah.

Sucking it down, not thick enough.

In this article, it's just having a coat rack.

For God's sake.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so it's quantifiable amounts.

Yes.

And then there was one was to stay awake during a road trip, and the other one was to get money in college.

Yes.

Wow.

I would go with three.

Knowing him.

Yeah.

Actually, I don't know him that way.

Not knowing him.

But he's reading Teen Cosmo.

No, my ex did.

She was a teen when we started going out.

I can see how

that would be amusing.

And, you know, kind of like, I want to know if I'm normal.

Yep.

Well, not.

But he's not going to have that.

You should never even ask.

Well, I mean, selling sperm seeds are the obvious one.

Staying awake during a road trip, that's wild.

Who are you behind the wheel?

Sleep.

Was it just you on the road

wouldn't have the opposite effect yeah i would pull i was uh traveling from uh pennsylvania to new jersey

and there was a um there was like a brewery that was on the side of the road and the like the big uh copper kettles and i would use that as my reference point to pull over and do it so that i could stay awake you know for the rest of the trip it was a bird house at the halfway market did you just say that one was true no he's trying to tell trying to he's trying to only one is only one is true and he's trying to like uh oh he's telling the web he's spinning the web is this true what he just told you or something he's doing what you actually has it backed up a little bit.

Okay.

Hear me out, guys.

Dave Temp.

I'm all here.

After you ejaculate, don't you get tired?

Yes.

That's why I think that's it.

Or more like a bologna sandwich.

I'd say one is out.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's it.

And two makes the most sense,

but not get him sense.

Three makes the most sense,

I think.

But I mean, I'm just, I don't know.

Sounds like the most.

He knows that we know that it's a whole head head game.

But then the last one, too, like the drain was what he picked.

And that was the obvious choice.

Right.

Fuck, I don't know.

What do you think, Dave?

What's your thoughts on this one?

Yeah, after you, I mean, the most fun.

I'm going to go with the most fun because sex things are weird because you could, you know what I mean?

It's just rearranged, but somebody's going to find something normal with someone.

So I have no gauge on this man, this incredibly smart man.

Talks to women over the phone in John Wayne voice.

It

seems to get laid.

When was the last time that actually worked, though?

When was the last time you dropped the John Wayne voice?

Not in 2010.

Before 2020.

Before everybody found out he was a racist.

John Wayne, John Wayne.

The Playboy article.

We need an answer.

Three, three, four.

The Cosmoteen article spurred him on to see if he could

fill the beaker or the test tube?

Test tube, yeah.

Okay.

Reveal what it was, Kenny.

It was actually number one.

Oh!

How did that keep you awake?

Because I guess the increased breathing for the process just infused me with oxygen.

Yeah, but

obviously, yeah, that, but I'm talking about the after effect.

Wouldn't it even roll down a window?

No, no, no.

After effect, maybe you're not going to be able to do it.

I tried that.

I would stop at the, I think it was Coffee.

That's how you infuse oxygen.

You just hit the fucking window down.

I would stop at the amico station in in Carlisle and get coffee, but it still wasn't enough.

Like, I would start getting like eye droppy

bologna on the side of the fucking hockey.

Now, Ava, you, I told now, we I knew, I remember that story, yeah, I knew that.

Yeah, that's why you guys didn't weren't able to have that story.

It was a good catch.

I mean, doing that right there, it's probably as risky as falling asleep behind the window.

You get clocked up, it was a long, like, straight, so I could see like cars behind me.

So, like, put that shit on cruise control.

No, no, you would pull over.

No, I would pull over.

Not while I was driving, I was pulling over.

Safety first.

It's responsible.

Safety first.

Nice to know that there's guys driving around doing that.

That's fucking great.

So you guys.

Yeah, it's impossible.

This game is amazing.

So you guys have the best game ever.

You guys now have had two questions.

No points, though, off any of you.

You know.

So this is good, though.

This is big for this side over here.

Yeah.

All right.

So the final question and get them to know you, get them to know all about you.

Unlikely lust objects.

Unlikely lust objects.

Okay, that's different from the sink and the houses.

These are real people, guys.

Come on.

These are people.

Oh, people.

People.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Number one, the Andrew Sisters.

I don't think that's unlikely.

They were pretty hot.

Totally hot.

Yeah.

And I'm sure he watches them every day while he's here.

Now that would be the Bugle Boy from Company C?

Yeah.

I cannot believe that a guy can throw out the Andrew Sisters, turns them on, and nobody, everybody's like, I can believe that.

They're hot.

Yeah, they're cute.

Yeah.

The Andrew Sisters, some Abbott Costello.

They were cute.

Yeah.

They had the shoulders out.

They were fucking.

Well, when they first came out, they were a lot younger than what the Andrew Sisters you saw.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

I thought that was going to get more of a.

No, well, I was a big Abbott Costello guy.

I watched a lot of the movies.

So I remember looking at them in those military dresses and stuff.

Yeah, I was like, classic uniforms.

I may need to take a break right now, guys.

Maybe on the way home.

I'm going to take a drive.

You know, it's just a tire.

All right, what's number two?

Number two, the Weather Girls.

Ooh.

Which was not their original name, but they adopted that name after their song.

It's raining.

It's raining men.

It's raining men.

I mean, I don't know what they look like, but based on the reaction.

Big girl friends over here.

Big girls.

Big girls.

I ain't going with that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Volumpsch.

Volupsh.

Yeah.

It was Zoft pick.

Nancy Walker.

I don't know if you guys know what it is.

What the hell is up?

I don't know if you guys know who Nancy Walker is.

She was the housemaid.

Housemaid?

Housekeeper.

Housekeeper on Macmillan and wife.

So I still know what Macmillan and Wife.

It was a show with Rock Hudson.

Nancy Walker.

Yeah.

She was.

Sal's gone.

We lost Sal.

Sal's gone.

Nancy.

Blame them.

She's also

the bounty lady in the song.

Who's a bounty or sharp?

Okay, that's

bounty, definitely.

Nancy Walker.

She also directed Can't Stop the Music.

Yeah, the World People.

Nancy Walker.

You're going to be pretty.

She's the only person who's going to be a little bit more.

Oh my God.

Now you're fine.

Joe, Joe.

You do?

That's Nancy Walker.

That's Nancy Walker.

Bounty Walker.

Bounty.

How old are you?

42.

But he spends all his days with me, though, so I just force him to watch all these old 70s shows.

Oh, my God.

Hot damn.

She was Rhoda's mother.

Yeah, right?

Current?

Is that her?

She might not be with us any longer.

Okay, it doesn't look like it.

Kind of like Giddam.

Wow, boys.

So we got the Andrew sisters.

Wow.

The Weather Girls are Nancy Walker.

Oh, my God.

It can't be Nancy Walker.

I feel like it can't be Nancy Walker, and he's never, I've never heard Giddem talk about a love of heavy-set women, but I know he's into Doris Day.

If he's into Doris Day, it's the Antio Sisters.

Yeah, I think Doris Day is so much hotter.

You like Doris Day?

We love Doris Day.

We watch it constantly.

Amazing.

She's amazing.

Amazing TV show.

And she was a superhuman.

You know what I mean?

She was just like...

I have an, yeah, she's before she died.

Apparently, she sent me the last autographed photo before she died.

Yeah.

My friend requested, I didn't know he was doing it for me.

He and he said, he requested an autographed photo from her.

And then, like, a week later, she died.

After signatures

on there's Santa Fe.

That's like that asshole did to George Harrison.

If you sign it, I'll make it quick.

I mean,

even get him.

Guys,

when

I mean

this woman there's attractive.

I'm actually going to be satisfactory for the first time in my life.

But Andrew says I don't think he's unlikely.

I think there would come.

I think it's more, I think it's more likely.

It has to be.

It has to be, right?

It's got to be.

I mean, I hope it is.

It's not going to be.

What do you guys think?

I don't know.

But earlier, we thought, like, oh, it would have to be the sync, but is it the same thing?

It's like a four-way element to the Andrew sisters that I think Giddam would enjoy.

You could probably do imitations of their friends.

We're like, I'm back,

check them out,

like stuff like that.

That boy!

Spanking time!

It's more curly.

It's more curly.

Let's think about this.

Which of those women is most likely to dominate him?

Since he says that's what he likes?

Military women.

Oh, no, that's something.

Is that what you said?

That's something.

Oh, that was the wrong answer.

Oh, okay.

Like a girl who can clean up.

Sunday, what do you think it is?

You haven't weighed in?

I ain't got a clue what his stool is.

Yeah, he's a good one.

He stayed away from it.

He's like, I don't want to know.

It's getting late.

That's the other thing.

I don't want to know.

For the love of God, let's just hope it's the Andrew Sister.

It's got to be the Andrew Sister.

It's got to be the Andrew Sisters.

Andrew Sisters is what they have chosen.

Oh, sorry to say it's Nancy Walker.

Everything for redheads.

I don't even want to be in the room with this guy anymore.

Yes!

That sassy attitude she always had towards Mr.

Commissioner McMillan?

She looks like somebody's grandma.

She looks like somebody's grandma.

We did say it was an unlikely lust object, though.

So it wasn't like

he realized it was unlikely.

And then they made her look good for TV.

So they were still young.

Yes, they did.

It's still a tie, which means we're going to our next segment.

Come on.

And this is a family feud segment.

Gidam, you're not able to play, so it's three on three.

And real quick, quick, we'll get right into it.

So it's just right down the line.

We're going to give the first

question to Team

Dave, Sal,

and Tim.

So if you get it wrong, you get an X, and then you guys can steal it.

This is worth five points.

Oh, wait, so we're only doing one.

You get one.

We're not going to do like who, you know, you guys just have control of the board.

And I'm going to read it to you, and then Dave has to answer.

If he gets it right, I check it off.

If you get three strikes, then they got it.

So we resume the final round of Family Feud.

Okay.

So this one's good.

First one up is Dave.

So you got to have an answer.

Top 10 answers are on the board.

This is the top six or seven.

Other than baby Hitler,

name another baby.

People would be okay traveling back in time and killing.

Wow.

Wow.

Wait, is this several?

Who's you surveying?

I went out at Airport Plaza

and I asked people.

Who does this plaza?

No, wait, wait, you're making a joke.

No, I went out at Airport Plaza and I picked young people and I'd be like, hey, I'm doing a survey.

Would you.

Nobody called the cops?

Nobody called the cops.

And I didn't get 100 people, though.

Okay.

And there's no way I could do 100.

But I got like 10 answers.

You put in the work.

Yeah.

So this is the top six answers of the top 10 answers.

So other than baby Hitler, what's another baby?

You could steal on that.

People could

be okay.

People would be okay.

Killing.

Well, like any American president.

Next name one.

But would it be Trump?

No, well.

Trump.

Trump?

Yeah.

Let's see.

Donald Trump.

Number one answer.

Oh, wow.

Nice, Dave.

He's a horrible beast.

It's not hard.

You ask a different cross-sectional people, or was it only young people?

I only asked people I thought that wouldn't like that would shoot you in the face.

Yeah, like, I wouldn't, I would size them up.

I'm not going to ask this old-timer.

He's

going to, he's going to not be happy or be quite like.

Kill a baby?

Why?

Why are you in bed?

I tried to kill Hitler in WW2.

Listen to Dominion Andrew's sisters.

Oh, Jesus.

All right, Sal.

So, Trump is off the board.

If they can go back and kill this person, a baby.

A baby of this person.

Go back and kill the baby of Pol Pop.

Yes, yes.

Okay, so

you would say that you guys mostly young people then?

In between 20 and 40.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Baby.

I guess it gotta go baby Stalin.

Baby Stalin.

Yeah.

Let's see.

Oh, he certainly deserves it.

Baby Stalin.

Strike one.

Oh,

Tim.

Fuck.

Oh, can we talk or not?

No, you can't.

Only on a steel can you talk.

I don't know.

Shit.

You need a, yeah, like, if you watch any feud, you're on your own on this.

All right.

Going back in time, the baby's in the crib.

Pole pot.

How are you going to do it?

You're going to just snuff them?

You're going to shoot it?

Are you going to kick it?

I'm going to give it to get him as an unlikely lust object.

Baby Nixon.

Baby Nixon.

Strike two.

Oh, I need to

big ideas.

Back to Dave.

Hopefully, Dave is.

Dave, you were thinking.

I I know you were because you were shouting it out.

Yeah, and now you're thinking of other

babies other than Trump.

It wouldn't be him.

It's so hard because the American memory is really, really short, you know.

So,

yeah, I'd like to say Pol Pot, but it's not going to be Polt.

They don't even know who fucking Pol Pot is.

20 to 40 fucking people.

What?

20 to 40.

You're dealing with a whole different demographic.

Pol Pot's not your most famous of

Pol Pot.

Was he and we did start the fire?

I think Paul Pott might be in, yeah, I mean, the Khmer Rouge.

Um, all right,

Trump.

Who else do they hate now?

I make it easy to say Joe Biden.

Well,

kill Joe Biden, too.

Uh,

I'm letting the timer go.

No, I am.

He's our guest.

He's a guest.

No, no, no.

We're in it.

I know you guys know it.

Yeah.

Okay.

I've heard about it.

Oh, yeah.

But they get one and they win?

Well, they steal it.

They don't don't win it, though, because there's another one.

Okay.

All right.

I don't know.

I'm missing some obvious thing.

It might be some show business person.

Oh,

well, Osama bin Laden's Osama bin Laden.

Osama bin Laden, yes, number two.

Oh,

yes.

Shit.

Sal,

there's still four inches on the board, though.

I have three guesses.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, we're still alive.

live.

We got an answer.

We're just worried that's not going to take you.

I have three guesses, and I don't know which way to go.

I'm going to go

to more obvious guest

guess.

Because I wanted to get to wait.

Maybe I should go.

No, I wanted to get to you.

All right.

I'll go

baby R.

Kelly.

Ooh.

I don't know about that one.

That's an odd choice.

And unfortunately, it's strike three.

So

you guys can steal it.

And if you don't steal it, you guys get the points.

All right, we think we got it.

I think we all agree.

Yes, you should have.

Yeah, it would have been nice.

Yeah, man.

I think you owe your instinct on this one, bud.

We're going to go with baby Ted Bundy.

Baby Ted Bundy?

Four big five points.

Baby Ted Bundy?

So it's over.

Damn it.

No, it's not over.

No, so we guess.

You guys get the points.

Okay, but this round is over.

No, No, they get the chance to go to control the board, too.

But with this question, you got the points.

But with this question, it's over.

Yes, I'm going to tell you who it was.

Casey was on there?

No.

Oh, because we were going to say baby John Wayne Gacy, too.

Baby de Blasio?

No.

Baby Mark Zuckerberg?

It's pretty obvious, but it's obvious because I haven't.

Baby Chris Christie?

Harvey Weinstein.

Harvey Weinstein.

I was right there with R.

Kelly.

He was right there.

Really, right there.

Kim

Kill or Jill.

All right.

Kim Jong-un.

And this one nobody was ever going to get.

Genghis Khan, somebody told me.

No, he said he said Genghis Khan?

He said Genghis Khan.

Half the population of the earth.

Oh, my God.

Really?

Oh, because he did a lot

of people.

Kim Khan, R.

Kelly, John Wayne, Gacy, and Bill DeBossi.

Really funny to put that to my band, my ass.

Damn.

Super group.

All right.

All right.

So you got five points on that.

So you guys got eight now.

And now you guys have control of a family feud question now.

Yeah.

And it is,

name a reason people hate Tom Brady.

Sunday, you're up first.

How many answers on the board, please?

How many answers?

Same amount as you guys, seven.

I'm going to say because he's a cheater.

Give me a break.

Is that old-fashioned?

Did you ask people about this?

No, no, no.

We're not going to put that one on.

Is he a cheater?

Is it up there?

Yeah, number three.

Yes, it's up there.

I'm surprised that wasn't.

Yeah, I wanted to

admit it.

He's not cheating.

Oh, you're a fan?

I'm a big fan.

Oh, God.

You could have seen the head out there?

It's got ampo up.

It's got lipstick marks all over the face.

Turn around and you'll see Tom Brady.

See that little head with the hat on?

3D printed head.

That's Tom Brady, yeah.

No, I'm a big Tom Brady fan.

I think he's a superhuman okay i don't think he's i don't think he's a human being actually okay uh i'm gonna say hot wife hot wife yes it's up there married to a supermark

number two answer there you go right

no strikes he uh wins too much

he wins all the time slash too many super bowls number one answer

that's where it gets back to jeff this

how many how many more we gotta go four two more

oh no no three more three more the last

seven i know well

no, one, two, three more.

Okay.

So we've got...

Top six answers on the board.

We've got too many Super Bowls.

Married two Super Bowls.

People think he's too damn good looking.

Not me.

Not me.

He's too handsome.

Number two answer.

Oh.

No strikes.

All right.

I'm starting to believe I'm a Brady fan.

That would be my first four guesses, so maybe let's see what happens now.

I'm going to say because he kisses his son on the lips.

That's good.

I would remember that.

Strike one.

Oh,

can you imagine that?

People hating on it because he's affectionate to his son.

I can't imagine.

It's how he's affectionate.

That's his son.

30.

13.

13.

Yeah.

It gets a little weird.

Yeah, it gets a little weird.

All right.

So it's only one strike, guys.

That should be on.

That should be on.

I'm going to go ahead and say he's because of his riches.

He makes too much money?

He makes too much money.

It's up there.

So now there is only one more answer with only one strike one yeah

yes

did you hear that no i didn't no i don't so

that's all the five you are on fire yeah you need this what's the last thing why people hate tom brady

i'll go over what we've said so far give you a little extra question he wins all the time slash too many super bowls he's too handsome He's married to a supermodel.

He cheats.

He makes too much money.

That's a little bit of an easier question.

One

answer on the board.

Then who would you go back?

Who would you go back in time and kill the baby of?

Or why do people hate?

Fans definitely

would go back and kill Tom Brady.

And Atlanta Falcons fans.

One of our answers was Genghis Khan.

One of your answers was he has a lot of money.

I guess Patriots fans probably weren't happy they went to another team.

He left New England.

He left left New England and got about two.

They're running the board.

Strike two.

Oh!

Wow.

So it's up to Q.

Oh, I'm not going to pull it.

Wow, that was.

Sorry, we got dyslexia.

I wouldn't totally.

Oh, no.

I got this stuff.

Fuck.

Well, we got the points if they don't get it, too.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, if they don't get the answer, you can get it.

And we're still tied, though.

We're still toughly confident, though.

Yeah, there's only one answer.

So you guys

now I have to dig deep because that was

what I was thinking.

Well, is to say

they're fans of other teams, is that

similar to an answer that we

wins too much?

Could that be considered the same thing?

He wins all the time, slash too many Super Bowls, was the number one answer.

So that's what I'm saying.

So to say that somebody, okay.

Fuck.

He

Stacey wants to help you.

Can't.

uh too sexy.

Yeah.

Is he right?

Yeah, he's front.

Yeah.

What, what?

Oh, I know.

His shh, fuck, dude.

I ain't got it.

His shitty subway ads.

Mm.

All right.

Lacey, you know what?

Sala.

You took the bat off your...

You went down swinging.

Yeah.

Still a strike.

All right.

Team Dave, Sal, and Tim.

What have you guys?

Did you feel anything particular?

Nothing.

I don't know.

I know.

I hate sports.

I know.

You don't know who Tom Brady is?

No, I have no idea.

What is your quarterback?

Yeah.

Okay.

He's superhuman.

Super NFL.

Right.

Superhuman.

He's the oldest player in the NFL.

He's a guy that cheated.

He didn't cheat.

A micro.

Somebody.

Deflate gate.

Deflate gate.

Okay.

Around the board.

No, I do not.

I do not cheat.

I know who he is.

I know he is.

But I don't, you know, I'm not like being a little bit.

Well, then we're going to go with his possibly conservative,

political, conservative views.

The religious, political, conservative.

His

political views.

His

political views.

Trump's with Trump.

Well,

I would say

conservative views.

Because

I think it's a religious/slash-political thing.

No, if he's correct, they win.

No.

No?

No.

If he's correct, yeah.

Well, you guys would tie.

Because you guys are correct.

There's so many reasons why people hate this guy.

It's a beat.

You can find another one.

He's not going to run.

We didn't get our body.

Strike three.

What was it?

It was, he's too squeaky clean.

There's no dirt on him.

That one was tough.

No controversies.

Actually, I said that.

Deflate gate is the biggest controversy in football.

He's not cheating.

No, somebody actually

squeaky clean.

I don't like him because he never gets in trouble.

Okay.

No controversies.

And he turns like he doesn't break any laws.

It cannot come down to dyslexia.

Yeah, because now it's a time.

What's dyslexia?

Dude, you're going to hate it.

It's the final segment.

It's about to ruin the whole fucking night.

So there are one, two, three.

You've got to look on it.

Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Dave, it's sleep disturbed.

There's ten dyslexia questions, so five each.

Come on, man.

We can't do that.

We'll be here all fucking night.

No, fucking question.

I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it.

I'm not paying 10 questions of dyslexia.

I'm not doing it.

I really hunt.

All right, you want to do sudden death?

The first person who the first person is.

Oh, for God's sakes, it'll still take us 10 hours.

Yes.

Okay.

Oh, God.

10 dyslexia.

So let me explain it.

10 dyslexia.

It's episode 500.

I know.

We want people people to listen to 501.

It is literally the worst fucking thing that's ever been on the business.

You shouldn't consider dances with wolves.

So what dyslexia is, is it's a game I created.

People love it.

Nobody loves it.

Nobody loves it.

Except for him and get him.

So what it is, is I give you guys two words.

Yeah.

And you have to come up with the exact opposite of those words are.

But the challenge is, is that sometimes these words don't have like you mean an antonym?

Obviously.

An antonym.

An obvious antonym maybe isn't always there

unless you use your unilateral mind and start thinking

outside boxes.

For instance, the opposite of a car is a horse.

So put that in your fucking mind.

Not a motorcycle.

No.

Or not a walk.

Not a lot of people.

Not speakers.

Nothing.

A horse.

Okay.

I love unilateral trivia games.

Brain twisters.

Brings me back.

So you guys can confer.

And so it's always two words and they make up, like, I'll give you a

stationary feather.

This is just an example.

I'm sorry.

This is just an example.

So I would give you guys stationary feather.

What is the opposite of stationary?

And what is the opposite of feather?

That'll be the same answer?

Now the answer.

In your mind, the opposite is the same answer for feather and stationary?

No, no.

It's two words.

Stationary, you need the opposite of stationary and feather to come up with what the what the moving what the answer is.

Wait, so feather is just a is another word in a feather is just a hint?

No.

What's the opposite of feather?

Arm.

Arm.

Yeah, well feather is

Dave sleeping.

Synthetic film.

So stationary feather.

So mover.

Feathers.

Feathers, fur?

Furs.

Is the opposite of stationary?

Wait, I'm so confused.

I don't know what.

No, the opposite of stationary would be rolling, and then the opposite of feathers would be stones.

Rolling stones.

See?

See, guys?

I got it.

So you got it, right?

The opposite of feathers.

Where is mine?

Two words will combine to make it a word.

You are saying

feathers.

Completely wrong.

How is feathers?

Would you rather get hit with a bag full of feathers or a bag full of stones?

Let's go through 10 of these now.

Oh, my God.

So it's just, it's just an age-old question.

It's just

Waltis never smoked smoked pot.

He's never smoked.

This is a total stoner game.

This is like you know.

Okay, I get it now.

So they combine to make the answer.

But only answers will be two words.

And only in your mind are they correct.

Well, yeah, nobody says that.

I don't, you know, outside of it.

But mind is more important.

Outside of the film, there's no criteria here.

Nobody would say the opposite of feathers is stones.

The worst part of it is then you are treated like a fucking asshole or idiot for not getting it.

That's the worst part of it.

Stationary could just be mobile.

Mobile.

Not always rolling.

Or stationary and stuff.

But since you know two-word answers.

You know it has to be two words that make sense together.

Mobile.

How long do we have doesn't make sense?

We'll be loose and goosey.

That's got cots with the...

Loose and goosey with the

time and loose and goosey with the answers.

We're going to let you guys go first.

Okay.

And

the first one is Adonis cork.

Go on.

All right.

Okay.

I can say Adonis is an ugly duckling or a pass.

Adonis is a.

Yeah, Adonis is the male

Max Rowlis and

the ring would be Venus.

Oh, okay.

Maybe.

I mean...

Venus could be one because Venus flies.

What's the second one?

Cork.

Cork.

Okay, and the opposite of cork

is a cap?

There is no opposite of cork.

This game sucks.

It's crazy.

What's the opposite of cork?

No cork?

Yeah, the opposite of cork is uncorked.

Uncorked.

So it makes sense when you hear the two words.

It makes sense.

And the opposites don't.

Yeah, but that's the whole game.

Tim, you're just not thinking unilaterally.

You got to try, you got to spit a lot of stuff.

Of the high intellect.

All right, Adonis.

Adonis.

Adonis.

It was a stud, right?

It was a stud.

Adonis is a stud.

I can't remember if Adonis was a real god.

I think he was maybe a Greek god.

Yeah, God, a Greek god.

But I know Adonis as being just a referential to the absolute fabulous male.

He's an Adonis.

I think that's how he would.

So, and the opposite of that would be possibly Venus.

She's beautiful too, Dave.

She's beautiful too, though.

Well, I mean, Venus is beautiful too.

Like, Steve Walker.

So, what's the word?

Well, what's a word that would be the opposite?

Oh, the opposite.

Okay, okay.

Let's take a look at ugly.

Right, let's talk.

Let's talk about an ugly guy.

Or Adonis, the opposite, would be an ugly guy.

Right.

Yeah.

Not just the word.

Awesome.

People are loving this.

They're all turning on the jarring up.

Let's go on the first one first.

Okay.

the vein of the sound.

Donnie's the best-looking guy.

What's the ugliest looking?

The ugliest guy.

Ugliest dude.

So I think it's just like Rocky Dennison.

I think the track you guys are on is the wrong track.

I played it.

I know.

I'm sure it is.

Oh, what's the guy who's like, look away, I'm hideous.

No Shadamis.

No Shadamis.

But is No Shadamis a common two-word thing you would hear?

No.

No.

No.

That's true.

No, no, no.

But what about Williams?

And the answer is is Lead Zeppelin.

Okay.

What's the opposite of a cork?

What?

What the fuck is the opposite of cork?

Things that are corked out.

A cork is a wine, is in wine.

It's a cap.

That's what it's cap.

It's a material.

It's cork.

It's like wood.

It's the opposite to that.

So it has to be the opposite of its functionality.

I don't believe it.

Okay, functionality, right?

This is how we go out on it.

It's a stoner.

You cork something.

It's owner of bullshit.

You seal it, right?

You seal it.

Wait, you guys hear it.

Wait till you guys hear it.

Then once you guys hear it, then I know the next question, you get it.

Right, Adonis.

So you cork something, you seal it.

So the opposite of cork is openings.

To cork something is to open it.

Uncork.

It's really the opposite.

Yeah.

Uncork.

On anything is pretty much the opposite.

But it has to be.

On Adonis.

It's the opposite of Adonis.

It's this guy's head.

You know what I mean?

It's all.

Bears no.

He sees corkboard like corkboard.

Chalkboard.

He can see it.

We can only find it.

Now we're getting to the point where Walt starts making annoying guys are not getting this.

I think?

You should play the game Cody.

There it is.

There it is.

You should play the game coaching.

Annoying right there.

All right.

So

ugly.

You need an answer.

Iron Man.

That's Zeppelin.

Two words.

Just start drawing out two word names.

Look, if you fail five and we fail five, it's going to be a tie.

Right.

I agree with him.

Let's get going.

Okay.

Adonis, a weakling?

A weakling.

Okay.

What about Adonis is strong?

Right, right.

Right.

So strong.

So weak.

That's what people are.

This is his first time

because he thinks he's going to get it.

He's not going to feel this way.

So if Adonis is stronnish is strong, maybe weak.

Weak, and then the opposite of Cork.

All right, guys.

A weak opening.

Yeah, that's a weak opening.

Not as sorry as I am.

I'll reveal it to you.

Here it comes.

Get ready.

Adonis Cork, Monster Magnet.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

That makes no sense.

What do you you mean?

In no way.

Can you make cork and magnet as opposites?

I'd like to see you try.

I'll make good money.

I'll match it.

There is no reality where that makes sense.

Adonis is the opposite of a monster.

You look it up right now.

I already did it.

Last night I went monster.

What's the opposite?

And no one of the antonyms was Adonis.

Okay, but cork and magnet.

And I looked up magnet.

There is no true antonym.

So there's no trance, sir.

But I was thinking, a cork doesn't attract anything.

Neither does anything else.

Of course.

Yeah, neither does anything that's not a magnet.

So we were limited to infinity on that.

But since Dave was at the table, it was so painfully obvious what it was.

No.

Just painful.

Yeah.

Hold on.

Your next album?

Yeah.

Adonis Cork.

There you go.

That's one of the songs.

Sounds like a pork.

The whole title of the album.

Oh, the whole title of the album.

Release it as the secret album by the new band Adonis Cork.

And everybody will know.

It's the guy that Rocky's going to fight next, Adonis Cork.

All right.

Q, you weren't wrong, man.

No.

Dude, you don't even know yet.

Wait till he starts fucking jumping in.

It's the fucking worst.

Old death.

What the fuck?

I mean, I was so tempted to say new life.

Young life, so old would be normal.

You tell him, Dave.

I mean, if new isn't the opposite of old, I don't know what is.

Yeah.

Sure.

what do you think it is guys

well

oh

well what is it

old death opposite of death is life obviously so we gotta have life as a second word so new life

please

well there's young

who knows who the fuck knows

new life new life boom we got one no that's not right that's not gonna be right it's too it's it's way too obvious

It's not even close.

It's newborn.

Because new life

is not a popular phrase that people will say, new life.

No, they say it's not.

It's on a new life.

But newborn is way worse.

The opposite of death is birth, not born.

No, but I could see that being unilateral.

That was a little bit more literal.

Yeah.

I mean, Monster Magnet.

We got fucking options.

I'm giving it to the guy.

I'm giving it to Monster Magnet, though.

So I figured it was like, hey, I'm shoes.

See, see what I tell you?

It's your fucking fault.

This is what happens every goddamn time.

You could also say it on fucking hat-track TV screen throughout this whole thing.

He didn't slow you down.

He's like, come on, come on, come on, come on,

all right.

All right, so no points, which is good for you for both teams.

It's not good for anybody.

Ankle ignore.

Ankle ignore.

Instead of an ankle.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Wristwatch.

Wristwatch.

Wristwatch.

Wristwatch.

Yeah, yeah.

You'll have to get one right now.

It doesn't matter.

He's going through the stages.

We've all been where you are, Sal.

There's an excitement when you get it.

It is a stage.

Yeah, it's going to go away.

You just end up a husk of yourself.

Don't forget Adonis Cork.

All right.

Big, big points for you guys.

Okay, you guys need this.

No, you don't.

Hard, disrobe.

So disrobe is dress.

Right.

That's not a saying.

So let's

slow down.

I'm not going to say anything.

Disrobe.

Soft.

Hard.

Soft.

Disrobe.

Wait, hard.

Is it

disrobe robe?

Hard robe.

I hate this game.

Yeah, it sucks.

It's tough that we play it always at the end of the game where you guys are frazzled.

Do we get the side?

We should do it in the in the beginning.

We should suck all the end of the room.

I'm going to say it, but I'm not going to give you the points for it, though.

It'll run the score up too high.

Too high.

Adonis Cork.

That's hard to disrobe.

Hard disrobe.

Anything, Sunday?

What's the opposite of disrobe?

Why don't you just start wrapping towhos?

Adonis cork.

He's sitting on my couch.

Which means nothing.

Soft sell?

Oh, no.

No.

Yeah, we're wrong.

We're on.

So we can't steal.

Yeah.

Anything, guys?

You're on the right track, I thought.

It's soft, something.

I got it.

What is it?

Software.

Boom!

Got it.

For the point.

No, as you know.

No.

No.

All right.

Software.

Now.

I got it.

You know, when you can think about it, this is one of the really fun.

No, I don't.

One of the really fun fun aspects of the game.

In hardware, it's like software.

It's not really spelled like disrobe where you would w-e-a-r.

Correct.

That's where you got to think even more

unilaterally.

What is that?

Homonym?

Not only that, it's grammarically incorrect.

No,

not giving, you know.

You have to 3D chess on Star Trek.

You got to think of homonyms.

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Hominid, homonym, homonym, homonyms.

Okay.

Now, this is two words.

I know people are going to, you guys are going to call into question, but it's weak, sure-footed, but there's a hyphen between short-footed.

So that makes it two words.

Weak, short-footed.

Strong?

Weak, strong, right?

I mean, I'm not sure.

Sure-footed.

Might be a good idea.

Not steady.

Donnis, most of the men.

Sure-footed means you're steady.

Right.

Able, agile.

So steady.

So what's opposite of that?

Unsteady.

Week has

Dave.

How are you doing over there, Dave?

Oh,

unless week is like day of the week.

Days.

What's the opposite of that?

Months.

Dave, this

is a layup for Dave, I thought.

Black Sabbath, just with the time it's cork.

What is it again?

Day of the week,

it's weak, short-footed.

Week, short-footed.

Sure-footed.

This should be like

go through your catalog of salt.

You are grounded, you're grounded.

Yeah, gosh.

Blue oyster cult.

So weak and strong.

If he tells us something different than weak, it has to be strong.

Or if it's day of the week, it could be month.

So we know that the first one, I think it's more likely to be strong.

So think of a saying, two-word saying that has strongholds.

Sure-footed opposite.

Weak or trip.

Strong trip, month, month trip.

Strong trip.

Dave, it's a layup.

Month trip.

You're making like you're on.

You got it.

You got it.

You're so close to it.

Four-footed is sturdy.

No, you said the word.

Yeah.

Strong trip.

Yeah.

So it's trip.

It's the first, is the second word.

Trip.

What's the opposite of weak?

Fuck.

Road trip.

I mean, I got it.

Acid trip.

Yeah.

You got it.

It's, yeah.

Road trip, acid trip.

Oh, okay.

Oh.

Dave, like, yeah, yeah.

I'm like thinking about like a bowl of cherry or something.

There's like a thought balloon in my head.

It's me eating a bowl of cherry.

We just got it.

We just got it.

You just got it.

Oh, you want more time?

You think you guys can crack this one?

Well, we're drawing the road.

Okay, all right.

We got one word.

It's a long road.

You don't have wrong words.

You don't even have the right word.

Something tripped.

Just think of just things with trip.

Road trips.

And connect it to this man.

Death trip.

I mean, we got a countdown.

Death trip.

I know that we got Oh, okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Is it that easy?

Yeah, it's that easy.

Wow, you're so nice.

I mean, you're throwing me with the power trip?

Boom.

I thought I would.

I thought that, yeah, I thought I'd go to the bottom.

Remember how you real excited?

Write down Monster Man.

Remember how you real excited about a moment ago?

I only live on Monster Man Lane when I'm doing Monster Man.

I'm like sitting here going like, you gotta go to the bathroom.

This is probably about me.

All right, they're up by one.

All right,

I helped them.

I

Okay.

It's just we're all in this together.

India.

Over cat.

It's just a matter of getting out of the lifeboat.

Over cat.

Underdog.

Underdog.

Boom.

Nice work, buddy.

Nice work.

Boom.

We broke South.

Take that, Adonis Corey.

Adonis Core.

Adonis Core.

Overcat.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, but everything you have is

based on your teammate.

No, that's not true.

Those were the only two monsters.

Yeah, no shit.

Welcome to the fucking bag.

This is what I was trying to warn you about.

Does a cork stick to a fridge?

It does with a magnet on it.

What did I tell you the next stage was?

He starts entering the fucking frame.

I'm telling you, I'm Dallas Rogue.

But shame on you, folks.

Uh-uh, for overcat.

Why?

Because you dispatched your own rules.

You gave them two literal, immediate, easy interpretations.

That's the way it should be.

No, the rules, I never stated that the rules would be, it would be constantly hard.

How would you rate the difficulty rating between everything you ask?

Would that be

a very easy question?

But dealing with these two, and I know how frustrated they get, I have to play.

Thumb it down.

Oh, I was awesome.

Oh, so at least you get more frustrated.

That's absurd reasoning.

That's awful.

We are at the end of a four-hour game, and you're just telling them you have to go easy on them now.

Jesus.

Unbelievable.

You guys still got it taught.

You're a monster.

You still got more?

Oh my, you still got more.

Be happy.

You guys ready?

The reason they got over is because they get upset.

You know how they are and they get annoyed with the game.

I'm playing for the Komudgin here.

Here's your guys' clue.

You definitely need this.

White bride.

Black husbands.

Black groom.

Black groom.

White, dark, Dark.

Dark, white.

Let's go two left, to the right.

White, black.

So black or dark?

Bride.

Bride.

Opposite of a bride.

It's a bridesmaid.

Groom.

A groom.

Husband.

Wife.

Black, dark, groom, dark groom.

No, but it's not.

Okay.

Like how Dave is just like.

There's no point to run the brain.

You know what I mean?

There's no challenge.

Why am I expending in a wife and stuff?

Just like those guys.

I'm having more fun watching those guys do it.

Black ex-wife?

Is it white?

White?

What is it?

White?

Say it again.

White bride.

White bride.

So white bride.

A bride could be a girl.

It's a famous two-word thing that you would.

Okay, okay.

Opposite of bride is a girlfriend.

Is ex-wife is bridesmaid?

Is husband or groom?

Husband, groom.

Dava, hook.

I'm not answering you.

White, light, dark, dark husband.

Dark groom, dark ex-wife, dark girlfriend.

Light, light, no, no, white,

black,

I'm gonna have a fucking seizure.

Black,

black, what's the opposite of a bride?

Underdog.

Groom.

Yeah.

Oh, is the white bride?

Is that like virginity?

Is that like pure?

Pure?

Yeah, but I mean, evil.

Are you proud of yourself?

Look at these fucking guys.

I mean, they're blind.

But honestly, according to their answer, R should be black husband.

Black groom.

Black groom.

It doesn't work that way.

Yeah, so they get the easy ones.

I thought this was an easy one.

Well, you're wrong.

What is the opposite of a bride?

A groom.

Groom.

Not necessarily.

It's not.

An ex-wife, a girlfriend, a bridesmaid.

An enemy.

No.

A dead bride.

A bride is a woman who got married.

A widow.

A widow.

A widow.

Black widow.

Look at the joy.

I've never seen Tim happier than he is right now.

Wow.

The exuberance on Tim's.

What is exuberance?

I have gone to game companies and pitched this.

And what happened?

No answers.

No responses.

Wow.

You want to call it dyslexia?

We also, I said we could call it backwards if the money's good enough.

Why is it called dyslexia?

Because it's the opposite.

You read it backwards.

I just thought it was clever.

Okay.

All right.

So, guys, you got one here.

Did you know Black Widow?

Or did you guess it?

I did not.

I thought that was really obvious, though.

Black Widow.

That was probably an example of a pretty decent one.

It was attainable and you could see the path to it, but it wasn't that obvious.

Do you know that Walt once gave me a wrong?

Just because you're a widow doesn't mean you're a bride.

You're not a bride.

You know what I mean?

That's why it doesn't make sense.

It's not the opposite.

How does it not make sense?

Because it's not the opposite of a bride.

You're still a bride if you're a widow.

You still got married.

But if the answer is black widow,

what is a better clue to

the answer?

I made this answer.

You can't figure it out.

Right, but

if you're playing the game and you have to give an opposite for black widow, what are you going to say?

A white alive wife.

A white alive husband.

You only give two words though.

All right, guys.

Tie game again.

Oh, God.

Patient ordinary.

Oh, I got it.

That's Doctor Strange.

Oh, yes.

You are, I think you're the best dyslexia player.

I know, and that's it.

He just curses me to keep playing it.

Well, and you know the way he's thinking.

You know what I mean?

It's impossible.

That's the scary thing.

Once I gave him the answer of mini golf, and he told me I was wrong because it's miniature golf.

Wow.

Do you understand?

This is what we're dealing with.

I didn't get the point.

Wow.

That's tough.

All right.

So get this.

If you don't get it, they win.

Oh, guys.

Good luck.

Can I answer just ahead of time?

Ungrateful taking.

Ungrateful taking.

Taking, giving.

Thanksgiving.

Yes!

And it comes down to the final clue.

Wow.

The final clue.

We don't get to see that.

We're looking for a tie game, but there's only one answer left.

All right.

So it could have been the tie all along.

Well, yeah, this will be a tie if you guys don't get it.

And then we'll just give

it a little bit of a turn.

You know what?

Before we get to it, Wall, I think a lot has to be said for the amount of time and work that you put into these games.

I know

you're not sensing that love right now because we're ending on dyslexia.

But

up until this point,

your control and mastery of episode 500 has been

beyond impressive.

It was worth it for the post office stories alone.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

Thank you.

The ship sank very close to me.

My ankles are wet.

So, for all the Marbles, or a tie game,

peace organic.

I got it.

You do?

I got it already.

It's got to be War Machine.

Is this more comic shit?

Congratulations, Sherry Larkin.

I want to go.

Organic and all.

How can you even dispute it, but he got it that fast, though?

But organic and machine?

No, no, no.

It was originally.

Yeah, it's War Machine.

No, organic.

But what was your peace organic?

Peace organic.

War is the opposite of peace.

organic organic sure the opposite organic is machine is machine look at you look at him

what are you talking about

that's starting to sound like get him yeah if it's not organic it's a machine

no it's close

no that's the opposite and it's also a very popular phrase it's not grammatically correct of course it is sal's looking for organic would be and then it would be what uh what would the yeah but you guys have to think about the full you guys have to think about the full the full the full thing well yeah the whole dyslexia thing, which is.

What I knew was war, I had to figure out what it was going to be.

He got war, so he has to go in his mind, the Rolodex, war blank, war.

Right, so he's picking that rhyming.

Organic, machine, boom, win.

There you go.

Victory.

Thank you all.

Got it.

I five me on that one.

All right.

Well done.

I love this game.

I love this game.

The curator.

The curate.

The curate involved.

Sorry, Curator.

I mean, you heard us try for four hours.

We tried hard.

We battled.

We battled right now.

You know what, though?

Since it's episode 500, both the curator and Sherry are going to get some.

So this was all pointless.

But no.

I'm going to load them up with some gifts because it is episode 500.

Nobody should walk away feeling sad.

I am.

Q, you carried the team over there during dyslexia.

Well, you went into comic book stuff.

You know what I mean?

That was my Wheelhouse Plus Underdog, of course.

Which is still kind of a comic book thing, I guess, if you counted.

This game was...

Sure.

You like it?

You like it?

This is the opposite of cow shit.

Gold.

I'm going to be bullshit.

I'm not even sure.

No, it was great.

It was absolutely great.

I don't play games like this.

It's a horrible game, but it always ends up being fun because

I'll just laugh.

My cheeks are hurting.

Yeah.

Wow, Walt.

Unbelievable, bud.

Well done.

Congratulations, Walt.

Congratulations, Brian.

Congratulations, Q, and congratulations, Walt.

500 episodes.

Unbelievable, man.

Thank you to all our guests.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me here.

Tim, Sal, Jeff,

Chuck for running the recorder over there.

Thank you.

Stacy for answering, whispering answers into their ear.

I don't think I see the fucking that shit going on.

I'm just fascinated with Chuck's new haircut.

Chuck looks pretty good.

It does.

I do miss the pompadour a little bit, but I like it.

It looks good.

Yeah, thank you, Chuck.

Any lady, especially Nancy Walker, would be happy to have him.

That's as well.

Tell him, Steve, there?

Damn straight.

Dave's on on the Nancy Walker line?

What better than Nancy Walker?

Yes, you're right.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Woof.

Wow.

Guys, thank you.

Thank you, Brief.

Thanks, Steve.

Thank you.

Tohos.

Didn't know I like to fuck Kai shoes, did you?

Getting freaky with Godzilla's ugly ass son, Mini.

Me, Kong, and Rodan all getting head from a space dragon called Ghidorah.

So perverted that gerbil stuffed that lava stage version of Motha Rub.

I can go all night, son, even longer than that robot mecha got zilled up.

Cause compared to me, that tin can is just a pocket-side vibrator.

I hereby sentence you to be incarcerated.

Cell block 69.

What kind of a place is this?

What's the source of my throbbing erection?

Hot bitches going down on each other while incarceration.

My most prized possession?

My sealed unopened women in prison DVD collection.

Some little girls are just born to be banned.

Fuck the MCU and Star Wars.

Cause Oscar goes to any film with a jail and whores.

Scenes of women showering in captivity has always been my deprivity.

No need to order no blue chew.

Not when I got the classics like Change Heat 2.

No one gets out of air alive.