#460: Fat Tit

The Brits are really getting, you know, a little,

you know,

wussy.

You're exquisite.

He has put his body through disfigurement

to provide his lovers with pleasure.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

Wee doggies.

We got a whole bunch of show for you today, don't we, Q?

We do.

Wee doggies.

Yeah, there you go.

I knew that would get you excited.

Nothing more exciting, though, than what Walt is about to say.

Christmas is right around the corner, Q.

Oh, yeah, it is.

And the most beloved Christmas tradition in Tell Hem Steve Dave Town has got to be the Christmas pod, the Tell Hem Steve Dave Christmas pod.

Is there another Christmas tradition?

No, that's

by default.

But this year's episode, Q, is called The Christmas Kiss.

Yeah.

Where we're all going to kiss at the end of the episode.

Finally.

Finally.

But now the Kiss and Christmas Kiss stands for Keep It Simple, Stupid.

And we're going back to basics.

Love this.

No video.

No green screen.

No costumes.

Vic and Chuck could tell this story walking.

Beat it, fellas.

But it's going to be all audio, and it's going to drop on Black Friday.

Wow, that is old school.

Going back to the tradition of Black Friday drop on Bandcamp

and on the Patreon.

So you can get it two ways.

Oh, people are still buying off Bandcamp?

There's some people who aren't on Patreon and that really wanted to have it released on Bandcamp.

So we've done that

for the last couple of years, but really trying to go and recapture that

enthusiasm and that starry-eyed innocence that we had in the very first Christmas episode because it's just us.

You mean when I was like, does anyone have more pain colors?

I remember those days.

The innocent days.

But from the original Christmas episode, it was just us and Ming and Sunday Jeff.

So we're bringing back Ming and Sunday Jeff and two more people to the table, Giddem, because you can't have Christmas without Gidem.

And

my new friend, Tom,

Tom's Woolly, is going to be there too.

Mary Beth feels that there's Mary Beth feels that there's a real daddy love me rivalry between Gidham and Tom.

Why?

Did she listen to the episode and hear Q say that?

No, she saw it.

When she was here, she saw it.

It's obvious, yeah, and I think Tom's winning.

Because sometimes, even when I cut the show, too, I'll just play it out loud and won't put the headphones on.

Because Tom doesn't irritate you ever, right?

Not at all.

Not once.

Yeah, but I don't spend a lot of time with Tom.

He just pops in for the Sunday Jeff episodes.

A little more, he'd annoy me.

I mean, it's more than likely he probably would would if we spent a lot of time.

Everybody does.

Sure, sure.

So it wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary.

It wouldn't mean I disliked him if I found him annoying.

Yeah.

I mean, everybody in my life, I find that

I find him annoying from time to time.

You just deal with that.

That's called being a friend.

So you would say that you find Giddam annoying from time to time?

From time to time.

Sometimes.

He's mainly, he's great.

Yeah.

It's good to hear.

I didn't know if you'd have that perspective about Giddam.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He seems so put upon all the time.

No, yeah.

I mean, I may just do that just for the sake of the podcast.

But, yeah,

more often than not, like, I really don't have any

feelings at all.

Join the club.

But, yeah, the Christmas kiss

on Black Friday.

Get kissed.

We're going to try to bring some of the

old school Christmas joy that

we probably need now more than ever in 2020.

All right.

I love it.

I'm excited.

Do you think people will be more excited about this Christmas than Christmases before just because 2020 has been so shitty?

I hope not.

I don't want them to put a lot of...

I mean, in general, just like the general.

Yeah, I think there may be some expectations, but I really don't expect too much because,

you know, it'll be just as, you know, just as.

It's going to be the same shit.

Yeah, it's going to be.

What more can they do after all this time?

I mean, how many episodes?

I mean, I don't know if anybody's done this many Christmas specials, any form of entertainment.

I mean, we're into double 10.

11th in a row now?

Yeah.

I mean, what can you do?

What

new

things can you strip my at this point?

There's nothing left.

I don't know.

If anybody has any.

Well, actually, by the time this goes out, they would have

to record it.

Yeah.

But

we got some new tricks in the bad queue.

Yeah.

We want to reveal them now.

No, we need people to sign up.

Yeah.

Bandcamp and on Patreon.

I do like that tradition of going to Bandcamp and

seeing the cover, the artwork, and it's at number one.

Yeah, I like seeing that.

I also like seeing people sign up to Patreon.

Patreon.com slash tell emsteve dave.

God damn it, we have a lot of shit up there.

Oh my God.

I mean, there is so much content up there.

Now,

I'm not positive of this, but like, say you sign up today, you have access to every video.

You should, yeah.

Well, depending if you're in a video tier, yeah.

Right.

Like, if you join up to the $10 tier, you're going to have access to everything.

Join up to the $5 tier, you have access to a whole shitload of stuff, but not everything, though.

Right.

Almost everything.

God damn.

Best deal in podcasting.

It really is a good deal.

Because you also get all the merch you send out, too.

If you're in a gift here, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's awesome, man.

Fucking Netflix, they're raising their prices, and they don't send me anything.

I'm not getting any Netflix hats in the mail.

Really?

They're raising their prices?

I heard, yeah, they're doing another bump.

They probably have to after that cutie's tobacco.

They make billions of dollars a month.

Billions.

How do they need to raise the bandwidth?

Bandwidth.

But they make billions.

You should see how much we pay in bandwidth, Q.

It's obscene.

Oh, really?

Oh, my God.

And that's why when people on Patreon are like, why can't we have the video?

It's like, because it costs so much money.

The production of the video, the hosting of the video.

I make a request, anybody out there who works for Vimeo that listens to Tell him Steve Dave, you know, if you can work something out, you know, maybe you can get a Tell him Steve Dave lunchbox.

A hat, maybe.

Or a lamp.

or a koozie.

Koozies are sweet.

Anybody out there got in with Vimeo,

let us know because they're raping us.

Are they?

Yeah, it's insane.

They want us to pay 10 times more than what we've paid.

What?

Yeah, 10 times more than what we've paid in the last two years because of the amount of bandwidth we're using.

They say it's crazy what we're using in bandwidth.

Which is good in a way.

Yeah.

But also terrible in a way.

In a financial way.

10 times more than what we pay.

10 times.

That's why I'm like, hey, man, if anybody out there works for Vimeo, we'll keep it a secret if you hook us up.

And I'm sorry, but do you know how good the fucking shit has to be?

That we're able to keep doing this and it just becomes more and more

like we just need more and more bandwidth.

It speaks to the quality of it, I think, right?

People want to see more.

And that's not why we're not going with video for the Christmas kiss.

You know, that was

definitely not why we're not doing video.

It's just we already told Chuck to go fuck himself.

We're too proud to call him back.

It's definitely not because we're paying obscene amounts of money to Vimeo.

See, I had the same idea.

I was like, wow, it would be so nice if we didn't have to go through the whole rigmarole of the Christmas thing.

And then you almost immediately texted me and was like, hey, I didn't know this was your ulterior motive.

I was thinking the same thing.

It would be nice to just a couple of us sit there and just, you know, like it doesn't have to be a six-hour extravaganza.

And I just think it'll be nice to have it drop on Black Friday, like midnight on Thanksgiving night.

I mean, that's bringing back something that I think will make people's eyes water when they hear this right now.

I'm thinking, hopefully,

building it up.

It definitely will.

There's no doubt about it.

Did you guys see Borat?

I did.

What did you think?

You like it?

I thought there was a couple parts that made me smile.

I didn't really laugh out loud, though.

No.

In the whole thing.

No.

I thought the girl was so fucking good as to almost out Borat Borat.

I think she stole the movie from us.

She really did, right?

It was flawless.

Unbelievable

how she maintained.

Yeah, I liked the movie.

I liked it.

I don't think it hit the highs of the first one.

No.

But it did do that same thing that Bill and Ted did for me, which is like, it's kind of cool seeing this guy again after all this time.

You know, I'm that age now where

you get an older.

You used to be better.

But I really, I liked seeing Borat again.

I liked the storyline they did.

I think they pulled pulled off something spectacular.

I like that they changed the tactics of the movie.

It wasn't about making other people look stupid.

Like, even the two Trump guys that he lived with came off really likable and nice.

Like, he didn't try and roast them and stuff like that.

Those two guys that he shacked up with during the past year.

I mean, there was moments where, you know,

they definitely.

Yeah,

but when Borad needed him...

Not when Borad needed them, like, they were there for him.

And they went up to his daughter and pleaded with his daughter for him and said, like they were invested in him and wanted to help him and i was like to me that makes him kind of likable i thought i i felt that like i loved that ali g show that was on hbo i thought that was like unbelievable i'd never seen anything like it i just fell in love with it but and i know i'm a i'm a the minority here but i didn't really like borat the first movie and i felt like the same kind of feeling from the second one too it's just kind of like

it's interesting and it definitely kept my interest but i never really laughed like where I was like, oh my god, that is so fucking awesome, the Ollie G show

version.

Well, Ollie G was so funny.

He was just, he was awesome.

Yeah.

But, you know, I mean, it's

definitely, I mean, it had to do fucking amazing numbers, right?

Streaming?

I think so.

I think it did really well.

Yeah.

It was funny.

I thought it was funny.

I thought she was so good, man, that she justified the existence of that movie to me.

She's got to have a huge career after this, right?

She should.

I mean,

if it's in cringe humor i mean if you can do cringe humor

you you you are one of the most confident people on earth right i mean you look at that like nathan for you with juliani right where where he pulls her into the hallway and they have an argument and he's arguing with his daughter in the hallway and juliani's right there i'm like this girl's 24 years old this is how talented she is she is playing a character who's playing a character and she has the wherewithal to keep it together while duping Juliani and do whatever she's doing to Juliani and lying to him and then getting in there and she's still in character with her father in the hallway and then goes back into the scene with Giuliani and seduces him.

I'm like, I

well, do we know that wasn't filmed later?

It was right there.

He just pulled her into the thing there.

Yeah, but how do you know that?

I mean,

you could be right.

I just don't remember.

Are we certain that

all these scenes were filmed in sequential order?

I think so because it was still in the hotel room with Giuliani.

There was

one camera where they

follow her in?

I can't read.

I mean, they could just go into the hallway and shoot that scene at any point, though, after Juliani's gone.

Maybe, but it was in the room.

It looked to me like it was the same room.

I don't know.

Either way, everything she did was fucking great.

She maintained a character throughout really tough situations.

I mean, you don't, because I don't believe that they ran out of the hotel room and they stopped in the alley.

And

they had that real night.

No, no, no, no.

That had to be filmed at a different point in a day.

I agree.

But the Giuliani stuff, it just seemed like they were in this the room at the same time with how money did that but even if they weren't it was it was she was so good Giuliani and his camp are pretty annoyed about the whole like being like lying back on the bed and he was tucking in his shirt but it looks like he's jerking off I don't know what he was doing I don't know what he was doing it looks it appeared like he's because he had a shirt out it looks like he's tucking in a shirt but To me, that's not the point.

The point is everything that came before that, where he's touching her back, he touched her hip.

He's like, and it's like enough, like, how old do you think Juliani is?

She's 70s, right?

70s.

At what point are you allowed to just manhandle women?

And it's like, well, he's an old guy.

I don't think there is a point that you could do that.

So there's no hard, fast age.

It has to be, it's up to each guy.

Well, look, I think that no matter what.

Am I old enough to manhandle you?

I want to know.

I think it's more his position.

Look, it was a weird scene to watch.

I felt like, oh my God, they had to be just like beyond like disbelief that he that he did this, right?

When they're trying to get him and they get him, and he does all this fucked-up shit, they had to be like, like, this is like getting Moby Dick.

I don't know, but what did he like?

My thing is, like, if you take the fact that it's Julianne out of it, I'm like, what did he do?

That was that.

He wasn't touching his dick.

He looked literally.

Oh, he looked like he was touching his dick.

See, that's not even the part I think.

They show it from three different angles.

They restart the footage.

That's why it looks like his hands going and coming out.

Why is he lying on a bed?

He should should have done it.

Why is he lying on a bed?

That right there is like

I've done a couple interviews for some documentaries that Kev's.

Never one saw him.

No one took him to a bed.

Yeah,

it is weird.

They did the same thing with Ron Paul, where he's sitting on a bed, and what's his name?

Was it Bruno coming onto Ron Paul?

Yeah, it was Bruno.

Did you see Bruno?

I did.

Oh, I hated that one.

Hated Bruno.

I hated that one.

Yeah, that one was even worse than the two Borat movies.

You didn't like Bruno.

What was it?

Oh, it was so just like,

I was so sick of the character.

I'm smarter than you.

Yeah.

That one is a little too much in your face.

Like, I mean, there's funny shit in it.

And your buddy Paul Abdul came off not looking great.

Oh, I thought she came awful just.

She's a Mexican as a fucking footstep.

Yeah, but she was clearly uncomfortable.

What, sitting on him?

Or just

the whole situation.

But how was it presented to her?

I'm sure it was presented to her like these, this is what these guys do.

These human furniture?

Would you sit on?

Who am I to tell someone?

Would you sit on?

Yeah.

Paul Abdul comes in for an interview in some very fancy mansion, like some big mansion, and Bruno's there, and they say that I guess it's Artsy or Art Deco or whatever, and it's like a Mexican guy that she sits on, right?

It's like he's a chair.

So he's like on all fours, and she just sits on his back.

She definitely looks like, what the fuck is going on?

I guess I'm supposed to do this, but it's like you're Paul Abdul.

Be like, I'm not doing that.

Yeah, I don't even remember.

That's how little I remember of the movie.

I just remember not digging in on it, though.

But what are you going to say?

Like, why would you not sit on it?

If that guy's making the choice to be that furniture.

I don't know.

I think there's a personal choice you can make.

You don't have to sit on another human being, especially a Mexican guy dressed as a gardener.

Now, if it's some fucking rich waspy motherfucker, you know, then okay.

Well, it's racist then.

Of course it's racist.

What are you kidding me?

All I know is, like, if there's somebody who's

all their life.

I have a feeling somebody has fucking human furniture at their house.

I will.

You know what?

I'm going to talk about this.

I have to do that.

If that's the case, I'm applying.

You got it at Burrow.

What is that?

You got it at Burrow.

Remember that couch company that fucking?

Oh, Burrow.

Yeah.

Didn't they drop us?

Oh, yeah.

We tried so hard to win them back, too, man.

Got them trended.

We trended them on Twitter, and they still were like, fuck off.

They ain't care.

Can't take a joke, Burrow.

Yeah.

Well, now look at you.

You're out of business.

Are they?

No.

I wish they were.

But yeah, that Juliana scene was hard to watch.

It was like, come on.

It was just cringy from beginning to end.

He's like,

and that's the thing.

It's wise to go into any situation with a female thinking like, they're not going to like me.

They're not going to, like, guys get won over very easily with a little bit of flirtation.

Like, I guess especially the older you get because you're like, somebody likes me, somebody who doesn't look like, you know,

me.

Me.

Yeah, basically me.

Yeah, the female version of me.

I can't tell how, like,

how desperate, though, people are for, you know,

like

they will fucking lose their mind if someone gives them attention, though.

They'll do things that, like,

you know, they'll just get caught up in it, you know,

especially.

He looks like the dude in Raiders at a Lost Ark when his face is melting.

Like, right before all the blood starts to seep out of that guy's face, that's what he looks like.

Yeah, it's like you're the president's attorney.

Like, don't go into a bedroom with a girl.

He's teacher.

Don't.

I don't know.

I don't know.

He married his cousin, right?

Because what are we saying?

If he is single, he's not fucking supposed to go into a room with a woman who's got interest in him.

If it's in that situation, just cover your ass.

Just cover your ass and be a little bit more.

Of course.

Of course.

Be fire.

Yeah.

Don't roll her out.

But take the cameras out of the situation.

Take the cameras out of the situation.

Like,

what is he supposed to do if some pretty girl is showing him interest?

And he's like, why don't you come have a drink in my room?

Once the cameras go dark and you're not being recorded, sure.

So then it's just about public perception, you think?

Yeah, definitely.

Got you.

Okay.

Yeah.

I got a story here I want to talk to you guys about, if you don't mind.

I don't.

There's this new

thing on the rise.

It's called platonic co-parenting.

Cool.

You know, especially with

the lockdown now, you know, people are not willing to wait for the one.

the quote-unquote one.

Yeah.

So now people are looking to find

people to have a baby with and then just share the child with,

but they're not in love.

Are you having the baby the old-fashioned way?

I think that you have two options, the old-fashioned way and the new scientific way.

Stacey,

let's talk about this.

Would you be willing to have a child with me?

How about me?

Not even me.

Not your ex-husband, not even me.

Jesus.

You know, you divorce a woman.

Next thing you know, she's onto the platonic parenting.

Now, this article that I saw paints it in a very like, you know, this is the new way of moving forward.

And if you don't agree, you're a Nazi.

But I'm like.

Hitler didn't like the platonic parenting either.

But I'm like, how can you raise a child with your buddy?

If the two parents aren't in love, though?

How can you?

I don't know.

That's Bob Edward.

I'm going to get you a list of references.

But I think it has two strikes going against

it being a healthy living environment or the child not being fucked up.

If right out of the bat,

you put it out on Main Street that, like, oh, no, your father and I are just platonic.

We are not even friends.

We just had you together so we could fulfill this need to be.

It's not about you.

Just calm down, kid.

It's not about you.

It's about me and your father or mother who had to have a fucking kid so desperately, we just had to fucking pass pass on our genetics because we're so fucking great.

We're so great that

we're not in love and we didn't even have sex.

We use a new scientific way and now here you are.

I'm like, I don't not sure that I think this is a good idea.

I think it's a horrible idea.

I agree with you.

You're raising children in an environment without seeing two loving parents.

And guess what?

We don't need more people.

Enough people have been manufactured.

Look around you.

There are way too many fucking people that you're like, i can't wait for the one because we've had coronavirus you found the one though right and you know what we're not gonna have a kid because we don't need one we don't i neither of us need we don't need another one with a black cloud over them

going to continue that shit i want the johnson bloodline to die with me was this discussed at length before before the proposal and was this something you got out of the way like i want to make sure that we're on the same page or is this how does this come about that you know this about her because Because she tells me there's no fucking way I want a kid, really, yeah.

She is really well, why is she so anti-child?

She just doesn't like them, she doesn't like children.

She doesn't like children in general.

She doesn't like children.

The other day, she was like children other than Q.

Yeah, fucking kids.

What is there to like about kids?

Yeah, she just is like, I don't want to, I don't want to have a kid.

I don't want to raise a kid.

She kind of wants to do her own thing.

She's not maternal in any respect.

She's good with Sage,

like playing video games and that kind of stuff.

She's good with her in schoolwork.

Like, she really, she likes Sage because she has to.

She's got no choice.

Oh, my God.

That sounds across as so like cold and clinical.

She likes Sage because she has to.

Yeah, she's got no choice in the matter.

Like, if she didn't like Sage,

we wouldn't be together.

So that they have a good relationship means a lot.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah, I don't mean that she has to treat her as her own kid or whatever, but

isn't it proven that kids raised because this whole platonic friendship, so now these friends are going to live together forever?

Or they're not going to live in the future.

No, no, they don't even live together.

They don't live together.

They share custody.

Yeah, they share custody.

It seems like it's going to work out really well.

What a fucking stupid, selfish idea.

I think it's like everything else.

I think that with the right people, it would probably be fine.

But I think that very few people would have the emotional maturity to pull that off.

I don't think it's going to affect the kid any worse than some shitty marriages I've ever seen.

Right, because that could, you know, there's,

like you said, there's a lot of marriages that, you know, aren't, you know, all that loving, and they have children, and they expose them to things that are probably could be way worse than that a platonic kid may see.

I think so.

So I think it just comes down to the people.

I've never understood the argument for having kids.

But, I mean, there is something to this, though.

Think about it.

If you're going to have a kid and you're not living with the child and you're splitting that kid, then you're kind of getting your cake and eating it too, because you have a child with someone who's not riding your fucking balls all the time, and also you don't have the child with you, presumably, 50% of the time.

But isn't that why do you have kids then?

But you want to spend time with them.

I'm with you.

Yeah, I don't know.

Like, I

cannot understand the mindset of somebody who purposely has kids, which would prevent them from doing what they want to do at any given time, which possibly is as selfish, if not more so, than somebody who is bringing a kid into the world and they're just

only affecting you.

It's affecting me, and I'm up front.

And it's not affecting anybody else.

It's not like I give in and have a kid, and then I'm like, oh, I wish I never had this kid.

Right.

Talk about, but how much legal work is there to have this kid, though, between the, like, I mean, it's got to be worse than buying a house, right?

And then if it falls apart.

How can it fall apart?

You're platonic.

Yeah, but then if one person's like, hey, I don't like this little bitch you're bringing around the kids, or I don't like this guy you're bringing around the kids, and then it's a whole thing.

That's the problem.

I just can't imagine, like, they can't just fucking wait.

You can't just wait until you find somebody that you actually want to have a kid with.

Yeah, to me, I feel it is being selfish, though, for the parents to be like, you know, I want this so badly that I'm willing to roll the dice that this will work out.

Yeah.

Because I want to be a parent.

And I would think odds are against it.

I would think so.

But from, you've read this article, though?

It was like the fucking, this was the solution to everyone's problems, though.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Where did you read it?

Like, fucking

slate or fucking BuzzFeed or some shit.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Fucking garbage websites.

Because for me, I was in a restaurant.

I was just going by the old HuffPost.

Ooh, what's going on here?

Oh, everything's awful.

Yeah, it was one of those ones.

It bummed me out, though, because I was just like, man, if that's the way it's going, though,

I don't know if it's going to make things better

to raise kids in that environment either.

But then again, like you said, though,

there's no real easy answer, though.

I think, as far as family kids go, I think Walt may have the most solid family unit out of anyone I know.

Yeah, but I mean, but that's a pain.

That's like you see a snippet here or a snippet there.

I hate to do it.

I don't like to get these emails from people, though.

They're like,

that just like,

I want your opinion.

I want your advice on all fatherly things.

Like, I'm fucking

the greatest dad that ever.

You talk of yourself as firebon Flanagan.

I know, but

that is a joke on a podcast, though.

You know, I talk like I'm the fucking alpha male comic book-selling dude.

That is fun.

There's no thing farther from the truth.

Like, I'll pump up like the fact that, like, oh, yeah, macho, because I saw comics.

It's a joke.

So, for people to be like, I need your advice, I'm having a child, and I don't know if I want to have this baby, but I hear you talk.

So, I think it'll be great now because of hearing you.

And I'm like,

you really can't take what I say and put

and make it, like frame it around that.

Like, now like you're going to have the same experiences, though, because I said something on a podcast.

My kids are awesome.

Your kids are probably going to be a shitpeg.

Yeah, yeah.

It's tough, though, because I guess people only see a snippet, though, and

they like, and they fill in all the holes

of what really goes on and what really, you know, what it's, you know, it's not just fucking shooting a video with my kids and thinking, like, oh, like, oh, I could do that too.

There's a lot more that goes into it, you know?

What's the biggest issue you've had, do you think?

Like, say, say, within the past year, like with either of them.

Because it just seems like they're still getting too old.

They're well behaved.

Just getting too old.

So that's the problem.

You're like, they're getting too old, and then you're like, I want to spend time with them.

Yeah, I was at a restaurant.

That's a problem.

Oh, yeah.

I was at a restaurant.

I saw a family with like three or four.

No, they had five kids, all the same age.

And I was just like,

I wish that we had five kids.

And I wish that we didn't stop.

But that they would.

I found a fucking platonic friend for a coffee.

Never again.

Yeah, but that, like, because they were all young, and they don't, and I don't think they realize

how quickly that goes away because they were like so haggard about it.

Like, like, there's the one that the mother was telling the father to bring the kid, the boy, into the bathroom, and he was fucking shooting her dirty looks.

And he was yelling at her.

You know, that, you know, because the other one wasn't sitting down and the other one was talking to another table.

And it's just like, they're so wrapped up in

making sure everything's perfect at the table.

It's like that doesn't fucking matter.

Yeah.

You know, you're at Friendly's.

Who gives a fuck?

You're not, yeah, you're not at fucking flamingerie or fucking char.

Yeah, goddamn.

You would hear from me if you were.

I don't need to hear that shit.

Nobody at Friendly's expects your kids to fucking behave like fucking angels.

Don't however they're behaving, that's what people expect.

Yeah, they were so stressed out that it was just

like I wanted to go over and be like, you know what, don't worry about it.

But like they would have, I would look like such a lunatic, though.

They call me Father.

Excuse me?

I'm not German.

Yeah, I'm not calling your waiter either.

I'll take your kid into the bathroom.

I'll straighten him out once and for all.

You'll be fine.

I'm like a helpful

say.

Oh, boy.

All right.

So I want to talk to my friends here.

And you'll know you're my friend if you want to talk about Miundis.

Because it starts out, hi, friends.

Myundis believes that comfort is more about than what's touching your skin.

It's about feeling comfortable in your skin.

This must be for you, Walt.

You're a total badass.

And what you should wear should only accentuate the fact.

I don't know.

Yeah, like if I like after all these years, if people listening don't realize I'm not a total badass,

then you're clueless.

You shouldn't have a kid.

And buy meundies.

Oh, wait, they've got a 20-20 pledge.

I guess this is.

Okay, here you go.

Pledge.

Myundis Gives, an initiative that supports those who have systemic barriers to their self-expression.

By shopping.

Just get through it.

Just get through the class.

By shopping Miundis, you support such causes as LB

LGBTQ plus communities, mental health and well-being, and women's rights.

Good for Miyundis.

They're being nice.

So what

underwear you're wearing at the moment?

Miuandis, come on, on, give me a break.

I've got 45 pairs.

What else am I going to wear?

And what else am I going to wear?

Because they're silky and they're made of modal and they don't feel all like burlapy and brusque against your skin.

Does it make you feel like you're sitting there?

Oh, come on, goddammit, with this stuff.

Miundis offers classic colors to ridiculous prints.

It's all so you can fully express yourself in your own unique way.

And they're available in a range of sizes from extra small to 4XL.

That's the community they've been serving the whole time.

from the very petite to the large right miundis believes you and your butt deserve comfort inside and out and that's why they created the money the mendes membership it's a great way to love on yourself each month replenish your basics with styles that are anything but basic you enjoy discounted pricing controlled shipping and exclusive early access So Miyundis has a great offer for the listeners.

Any first-time purchasers, you get 15% off of free shipping, and they have their problem-free philosophy, this Miyundi's, that if you're not satisfied with any product for any reason, they'll refund or exchange it no caveats no questions get your 15 off your first order in free shipping and go to meundis.com slash t-e-s-d that's meundis.com slash t-e-s-n-d t-e-s-d

all right

i've been um

you know recently

got married and i've been writing out thank you cards oh

and uh

like some of the people like marybeth wrote a whole bunch there to like the fucking DJ and to this one and to that one.

Oh, so it's a personalized like little note.

It's not just a standard, like, thank you for your wonderful gift.

Right.

Well, everyone that I'm writing is personalized to that person.

Yeah.

And it made me think of, like, as I was writing it out, it made me think of a long, long time ago when

Caitlin was being christened.

Yeah.

And it was.

Godfather.

Yeah, and it was down at Debbie's parents' house down in Highlands at the time.

Yeah.

And I brought a card.

I can't remember if I put a check in it, knowing me at the time, maybe not.

But anyway, I brought a card, and on the front of the card, it was a little black boy and a little white girl, and they're holding hands.

And on the inside of the card, I wrote, no matter what your father says, there's nothing wrong with this picture.

And as I was thinking about that and writing out a card to somebody, I was like, It must be taxing at times to be my friend.

Because I thought back and I was like, not only did did I write that and give it to him he immediately puts it away because what I didn't know was that one of Debbie's relatives was in a mixed

marriage cup uh in a mixed marriage and they were there at the time so he immediately put the scroll away I don't have any problem with it obviously I just think it's funny to say but it seemed like at the time maybe it wasn't funny it was improper

but I can write anything I want on these thank you cards yeah right yeah they are and I am

and I am.

But I'm trying to keep waltz.

I'm trying to, like, since I've never given you.

Remember, I also when you guys were nice enough to come to Sage's party and I wrote that card as if it were from Sage and your kids were little enough that they thought Sage wrote it

about us keeping our jackets on and trying to

stand by the door to make as quick as exit as possible

I thought about that too and I gotta say it still makes me laugh I don't know why that's funny

that's funny but like the other two the first one's not funny The first one's just like the first one,

it's funny, but it's not appropriate.

It's inappropriate, yeah, right.

Like, I don't think I would do it today.

I can't guarantee it, but I don't think I would do it today.

I don't know.

But thanks for staying, my friend, after all these fucking stupid things I do.

It really does mean a lot.

Because sometimes I don't,

now that I'm on medication, I think I'm better at controlling impulses.

But before, like, sometimes I'm like, well, this is...

Well,

maybe not, because I wrote all that stuff into the wedding vows.

Yeah, but you're not changing your whole personality because you're taking a pill.

You're just

working on impulse control.

That's all.

Yeah.

Impulse control was like burrow.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Like to not, well, I guess I did have a week.

Well, I simmered for a week.

I simmered.

These motherfuckers.

Say, our ads aren't good enough, will they?

Like, something that shouldn't bother you at all.

something you should agree with.

You should have been like, Yeah, I can see why they didn't like that ad.

They're totally right, totally right.

It wasn't even anything mildly insulting, but you just couldn't take it.

I couldn't take it, yeah, because I'm like, well, who the fuck are they?

Yeah, I don't know.

I wouldn't say, I look, I've always been a big, you know,

supporter of yours, a booster of yours.

I never thought you had to change.

It's probably the biggest threat of my life.

Yeah, I don't think you, I never thought you had to change all that much.

Just a little bit here and there.

It was all, it was all, it was all about keeping you happy, not about changing you.

Like, it wasn't like we got to change you so that

you don't make those jokes anymore.

I like those jokes.

I don't want them to stop.

It's your impulse control was getting in the way of your own happiness.

And that was where, speaking of myself, that was

what the change needed to be.

Like, you need to just adjust it so you're not self-destructing.

Yeah, that makes sense.

And it seems like mission accomplished.

Yeah, I'm doing all right.

I can't remember the last time I heard you.

Pam says I'm doing all right.

Pam says you're happy.

Your own brother is like this fucked up.

Why is he happy?

Yeah, I don't think, I don't know that Darren will ever get married.

I don't think my sister's boyfriend wants to marry her.

Yeah.

Eric, after this recent, uh,

this recent marriage, who knows what's up for him?

So that was Eric.

He was saying that was the Johnson curse.

No two Johnson siblings have ever been married at the same time.

So

he may need to get divorced eventually to open up.

He's too much of a catch.

Eric?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Little duck.

Right, honey?

Okay.

Yeah, he's too much of a catch.

He's a personable, good-looking young guy.

He's nice.

He's got a good job.

His nose is all fucked up.

Yeah, he's got scars, which are cool.

Yeah, he should say he got it in a fight or something.

I was like, I was protecting some marginalized person.

Somebody was trying to express themselves, but they weren't allowed to.

So

that's the problem with america nobody can express themselves exactly

there's not enough avenues for people to tell you what the fuck they think

let's see here what else do i got oh

uh walt i had off of that

that

card thing i was thinking it's only for a weekend

But we do tell him Steve Dave wife swap.

Now that I'm married,

you don't think Deb would would go for it?

I think I'm a fun person to be around.

Why?

Name me one good reason why she wouldn't want to hang out with me over the weekend.

I wouldn't.

I just don't think it would go well.

You know why?

I think we should move on.

All right.

Was there a conversation had on the way back from the wedding?

No.

Did you tell her I agreed with her that you should have said something?

No.

No?

No.

No.

All right.

So no wife swap.

Fine.

Can you please get married so we can wife swap?

You got it, bud.

Or maybe get him.

Is Giddy still here?

Did Get him leave?

His wife is still listening.

Maribeth wants to spend a weekend sleeping on the cricket then.

She wants the cobblestone all over.

I mean, the reason that I would want to wife swap with Walt is because I know Debbie wouldn't want to, but then I would win her over.

I guarantee I could win her over.

All those decades.

of her being like this motherfucker, all undone in one weekend, I bet you.

I'm sure that's why I don't want you to.

I know because you would definitely win her over.

Well, I'm not saying she wants to be my wife, I'm saying she'd like he's not the huge asshole I thought he was.

He's still an asshole, don't get me wrong.

Uh, let's see:

Walt, a councilman in the UK, was asked to remove his outdoor Halloween decorations because they were detrimental to the mental health of kids, and 2020 is terrifying enough.

Now, when I show you these

decorations,

there's You see a lot of green, a green-lit house.

Yeah, it's a green-lit house.

There's a cartoony spider.

Those are generic.

They're party city skeletons.

Yeah.

Wow.

It's not like anybody's hanging, anybody's dismembered.

Yeah, that's being a little gratuitous with your complaints.

This is in England?

This is in England, yeah.

There's some ghosts right there.

God, we're going to lose the next World War.

I mean, can you imagine?

I don't even want to say pussified.

It's a complete insult to

the female anatomy.

I just can't imagine the fucking idiot who

thinks like, and voices, like, can you imagine voicing that?

Like, I think

three witches holding hands, and not even scary witches.

They don't even look like real people.

They look like Wizard of Oz

like puppets.

That is crazy.

Well, that's the problem.

We've created a world where everybody's opinion has to be like you, you're just like, well, somebody's saying it, so we have to weigh it.

You have to wait.

There's a fucking news story because one person was like, I think this is detrimental to children.

Now, one thing.

They just fuck this person and their fucking opinion.

They don't.

They just fuck them and their fucking opinion.

I agree.

They don't say whether this person had kids that complained, but I'm sure they did.

But can you imagine being that fucking bitch's kid?

Oh, God.

Can you imagine that shit?

She's like, it's too scary.

Isn't 2020 scary enough?

Yes, jerk off.

That's why you have a bunch of fucking fake ghosts and witches to take kids' minds off of what's real, which is the fucking coronavirus, dumbass.

Holy fuck, let's not celebrate Christmas either.

I don't know what's going on in Britain because I also.

Did I say Christmas?

Oh, that's wrong, too.

Go ahead.

But the Brits are really getting, you know, a little,

you know,

wussy because

they removed parrots in a wildlife park because they swore at visitors.

Wouldn't that be like

all you could talk about?

That's why I go.

Yeah, right.

You gotta go.

This is parrot.

Of course, you're a paycock sucker.

Haycock sucker.

I'd be like, that's the best parrot ever.

There was five foul-mouthed birds.

I didn't do it.

I'm just reading here.

Foul-mouthed fouls.

They were donated to a Lincolnshire wildlife park in eastern England.

And within days of them being donated, they were swearing at the visitors and the staff at the park.

I get called a fat tit every time I walk past, said, Welcome to my world.

But yeah, I would be like,

if that happened, like if I brought my kids there, like

that would be all we could talk about for years later.

You're awesome, right?

I mean, that would be the lasting memory of the fucking visit.

Yeah.

Like, what is wrong with people?

Or they snapped these birds' neck or something like that.

They were like, well, they removed them.

I think they just, and they also removed their tongue so they can never speak speak again.

But listen to this.

They even gave visitors their donations back to the park because of these birds.

And it doesn't say what they were saying, like what the curses were?

I thought one of the words was tit.

Is tit even that bad?

I thought it was like.

Or twat, maybe.

I don't know.

Like, don't they say twat over there?

They say tit.

Because it says t, asterisk, asterisk, t.

So, I mean, it could be twat over T.

It could be twat.

Well, tit's three letters, so it couldn't be tit then.

Okay, what's a twat in England?

What is a twat?

Yeah, what is it?

It is the same thing.

It's like pussy cunt.

Look at this twat.

Oh, so it literally means a body part two, and also like a dickhead?

Yeah, I think it's just like a well, like in the UK, I think a woman's

puss is her fanny, right?

Is that how it goes?

It's one of the things they say, but twat is definitely for

the vagine.

So wait a minute.

So they call, so in America, we call the butt a fanny, but in England, it's the opposite side.

Yeah.

Wow.

I wonder why.

I wonder how that happened.

I know.

We invented this shit.

Why are they changing it?

I don't ever hear anybody ever

say fanny, though, in America anymore.

Wow.

Yeah, so I don't know, Q, your adoptive country's seemingly getting a little

soft.

It's all going downhill, bro.

I like America.

We're not soft.

No, no.

I mean,

we're soft in as much as, like, if you hear something, it immediately upsets you.

Like,

if you hear, like, you hear somebody

got stabbed or shot, it immediately upsets you without hearing anything.

If you hear that somebody said something or made a joke 20 years ago, right?

Like, people are so now ready to just fucking be like, what, what?

Like, they're more fucking confrontational and ready to fucking joke, like, than I've ever been in my life.

Like, these fucking people are nuts.

Yeah, but I don't think it's, like I said, like Hughes always said, I just think it's online.

I don't think it's real.

I don't think it's anybody you come into contact with on a a daily basis though no not that kind of stuff but i do wonder when like look i don't want to see anybody get shot i don't but when somebody's shooting at you and then the cops shoot back and they hit you

look man

come on i mean come on and then you tear the whole city apart because someone was shooting like again what would you do differently if somebody was shooting at me i have a couple guns i would shoot back

why don't why isn't there like um body armor though that cops can wear so they can never get shot again?

In this day and age.

You can dress like Batman in Duncan.

Why isn't that just available everywhere?

We'll address that in a second.

Can we fucking move past shooting people in the leg, too?

It is not a practical way to take somebody down.

Stop saying shoot somebody in the leg.

You sound like an asshole when you say it.

Okay, go ahead.

I just don't know why we don't have like,

remember those guys that robbed the bank years ago?

Oh, yeah, they had all that body armor armor.

Yeah, they were like this Italian dudes who came in and they had this unbelievable body armor.

That was in the early 2000s.

Yeah.

How the fuck does not every police officer have that armor?

They were sitting there and bullets were bouncing off them like they were flying.

They eventually got killed, though.

Yeah, but they had to get heavier artillery

so fucking long.

And they shot a bunch of cops.

I mean, you would see, they were like shooting popcorn kernels at them.

Like, that's how they were standing there with real bullets being shot at them.

1998.

Yeah, but you think the cops are supposed to just allow, just absorb bullets from people?

No, but I'm just saying, though, that like, if you had this kind of armor, though,

you wouldn't be in danger, though.

I guess, but at the same time, it's like, what does that mean, though?

Like, all right, so you're not in danger, so you shouldn't shoot back?

I'm just saying, maybe there's a different tactic then.

If you know that the bullets can't impenetrate you or your armor,

then there may not need to be, to use lethal force then.

But somebody who's firing wildly at you, whether you're bulletproof or or not, is still putting people in danger.

Like, you have to take them down.

That's true.

Yeah, but

maybe you could take them down, I don't know, shooting him in the leg.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

I wish we have one more ad and 20 more minutes.

I can't disagree.

I'll move it to the end of the episode if you're welcome.

We've been going 40 minutes.

That was good, though.

What's the ad?

What do we got?

We got, yeah, we'll do an ad here.

Policy Genius, I'll kill that energy with this Policy Genius ad.

Policy Genius is life insurance, right?

It's all kinds of insurance.

It sounds like a daunting task, but if you've got loved ones that depend on you, it's also really important.

That's why I have to get it so I can fake my own death and make those guys some money.

Policy Genius makes it easy.

They combine a cutting-edge insurance marketplace with help from licensing squares.

Can you stop here for a second?

I'm sorry to interrupt you, but if there's one person on the fucking planet that I would pick to try to fool Policy Genius in faking their own death,

I think there's only one guy I would go to.

Giddam Steve David.

I think Giddam could pull it off.

He's almost off the fucking grid with his real name anyway.

Right.

I think he could pull it off.

I think he's smart enough.

If I gave him like six months to pull it off, I think he could do it.

So we should get a a life insurance policy on Giddam.

Why do we have to fake it then?

Because

we want the payout now.

Right.

But I mean, like, let's say.

You don't want to wait till he really dies.

No, I'm just saying we help it along.

But right to get that.

I mean, 148 IQ

isn't anything.

Policy genius that

can't stand up to that.

No, policy genius is going to be

look.

We helped him find the life insurance policy that guide you guys pay up.

That's the way it is.

And that's the brilliance about policy geniuses.

They're going to be your middleman, right?

They make it easy.

You can save 50% or more by using policy genius to compare life insurance.

So we save money and we make money off of them.

On average, Q, how many people successfully,

we'll never know the answer, but if you had to guess, how many people successfully faked their own death for the insurance money?

In today's world, per year, how many do you think?

Is it less than 10?

Is it less than five?

I would say more than 10.

I don't think it's more than 10.

I I think it's ingenuity.

You don't think you but that's what people do, man.

They just fucking find ways around this shit.

Yeah.

There's smart motherfuckers out there.

But but if they really think that they have private detectives, they have law enforcement on their side, I think it's hard.

Yeah, a lot of people can't even get away with work comp cases where they're like, hey, this person hurt their arm, and then they're like at the bowling league.

But those are fucking dopes, though.

Assholes.

Not like, get him, Steve Dave ain't going to fucking be caught at the bowling alley when he's supposed to be dead.

But what if he's feeding horses?

You know?

And they're like, well, well, well, get him, Steve Dave.

You know, get the money back from Brian Walt.

Uh, let's see.

Once you apply, the policy genius tape team will handle all the paperwork and red tape.

And the best part is they work for you, not the insurance company.

Oh, my friend.

We uh shave his beard and dye his hair blonde, and we say that's his twin brother.

That's a good idea, do that anyway?

But he pretends like his uh his IQ is like around 80 or so

To really

sell the part.

Let me ask you, how would that look different from how he acts now?

Yeah, you would never think he had a 148, right?

No.

You would think that he was full of shit.

Like, I believe a lot of what he says.

He's not full of shit.

Because he says it so quickly.

You're like, hey, this.

And something like you would have no idea about.

He's like, oh, well, as a matter of fact,

I.

How does he know all that shit?

I know that, like, I mean, I know it's crazy, but I legitimately really believe he's the smartest person I've ever come into contact with in my entire life.

I don't care who you throw out there.

Maybe the most.

You throw out anybody.

Are you talking intelligence or intelligence?

The whole fucking kit and caboodle.

Wise wisdom.

So, wait a second.

You've met Eric.

He's a doctor.

You've met Scott Mosher more than both of them.

You've met Scott Mosher.

You think Giddam is more intelligent than both of them?

Yes.

Wow, okay.

I mean, it's like when you really sit there and you start to see him wow people.

You don't see him on a daily basis like I do.

It's fucking jaw-dropping

with how smart he is.

How does he wow people?

By being intelligent.

Just knowing everything.

He knows everything.

He knows everything.

There's nothing he doesn't know.

There is no angle.

I don't know where to go with this.

I mean, I tease him and everything,

but if I'm being honest,

he legitimately is the most intelligent person that I have ever come across in my entire life.

Get him,

sir.

What's your position on

yeah, come on over here, get him

any topic he should be able to wow us on, right?

Well, I don't want you, you know, you know what, again, no, I'm painting a picture like he's the perfect specimen.

Yeah, I don't want to say that either.

Like, you know, he's not Einstein, no, he's just smarter than everybody we've ever met.

We didn't make that mistake.

Yeah, I feel I'm getting set up for failure.

What's your opinion on a random topic, traffic cameras?

In what sense?

Just what do you think about them?

Should they be?

Are they legal?

How do they work?

Traffic cameras in monitoring traffic flow and things like that.

Like red light cameras.

No, you have to ask him, can he build a traffic camera?

Not his opinion on if they're ethical.

That's a sign of an intelligence.

I didn't even ask him if they were ethical.

I just asked what he thought about them.

We know where this is going.

I want to see some of that stuff.

What else does that make me look stupid?

So red light cameras.

How do you feel about them?

I mean, they do their job.

I think that.

Or do they do the job of the police?

They do the job of the police.

It's nothing that a police officer.

Police can't be there everywhere at all times.

Now, I think it's wrong.

I didn't know this was a tag team.

I do believe it's wrong when municipalities who install red light cameras do things like shortening the yellow lights below the standards that are set for them.

They do that.

Yes, some do.

I haven't found out to do that.

Did you know they did that?

I didn't know they did that.

Now you do.

But now, isn't that more likely to cause traffic accidents?

Yes, that's a lot of people's objections to traffic cameras, is that by shortening the yellow lights to unsafe limits that they're going to cause to make money.

Yeah.

That people are going to be slamming on their brakes and stuff like that.

The government is shit.

Plus, some people find that the equations that regulate what yellow lights should be don't take into account things like turning lanes, which, because you have to slow down to approach them,

should mean the yellow lights should be a little longer.

But I think the accepted...

time is supposed to be three to six seconds.

He's constantly informing me of information that I did not know.

Or care about.

I mean, it is like on a, like, he is feeding like a staggering amount of knowledge to me that I did not know before, you know, he told it to me.

So, I mean, nobody else that I've ever come across has been, has done that when I've come into the world.

I got a hand at you.

I pulled Traffic Cam out of my ass, and he's well-versed on it.

Throw something else out there.

I was actually, I was reading about it the other day.

Wow.

Because I was watching.

Are you smart enough to stop tapping that mic?

I was watching a video of that guy, that judge in Providence, Rhode Island.

I don't know if you've ever seen his court cases.

He really gives the

breaks.

This is where you bore people.

No, okay.

You wowed them.

Just shut up.

Yeah, that's what he doesn't know when to back off, right?

Leave him wanting more.

Much, much less.

Throw something else out there.

You got another topic that like

dark matter.

I can't understand.

We don't have enough time for dark matter.

Well,

people way, way smarter than I have not figured out what dark matter is exactly or whatever.

But do you have a theory?

I've never really thought about it.

It's just the, you know, the matter that fills up.

It's supposed to be the matter that fills up the empty space that matter takes,

matter that we can observe.

It's been theorized because there's gravity moves in ways that it shouldn't, and the only explanation is that there's some kind of matter that can't be detected that's causing gravitational forces that will lend things like light and other rays.

You're exquisite.

You are.

You're an exquisite fucking.

And is it in theory that dark matter follows the same rules as regular matter, which it cannot be created or destroyed?

I mean, like the laws of thermodynamics.

Yeah.

That I'm going to admit, I don't know about it.

I haven't really looked into it.

All right.

Why is it when someone flushes a toilet in Australia, the water goes down the opposite way in America?

I believe that's like it's supposed to be the Coriolis effect, but I'm not sure if that's actually true or not.

It might be like an urban legend propagated by things like The Simpsons.

It's like having a walking Google.

It's like there is a Coriolis effect.

What does Chud stand for?

The cannibalistic human underground dwellers.

Damn, he's good.

Close enough.

Yeah.

You know, he puts it.

Was a humanoid?

Humanoid, yeah.

And people online give him, you know, like who really his haters.

You know, like

he's not smart.

He's just parroting things he read.

That's, you know, he he can remember things.

That's it.

Fat twat.

Fat twat.

Look,

I mean,

I don't know a lot of things, but one of the things I kind of

know where to look for things.

I know how to look for things, how to phrase.

Don't sell yourself shit.

They're great tools, but you have to know what to ask for to get the answers that you want.

Right.

You can't just trust the internet all the time, right?

No, no, definitely not.

Abraham Lincoln said that.

I'd be so happy with this show.

That was good, though.

I mean, back to you're at.

You're right.

You're right, you're right.

You're right up here.

Yeah, I told you.

I tried to trip him up with two wildly different topics.

I mean, yeah, from people who weren't.

He knew everything about everything.

Just scholarly.

Yeah.

It's a gift.

Now, do you think he could get into a well, you know what?

Let me finish this real fast.

The best part is they work for you, this policy genius.

If you hit any speed bumps during the application, they'll take care of everything.

And this has earned earned them a five-star rating across over 1,600 reviews.

It's almost as good as our iTunes rating.

Our iTunes rating is fucking solid, man.

Five stars.

I'm pretty sure that's a good idea.

That's like very little genius.

Yeah, us a policy genius.

So if you need life insurance, head to policygenius.com right now to get started.

You could save 50% or more by comparing quotes.

Policy genius, when it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right.

I think that, you know, like it's a shame that

he didn't apply himself

into the fields he should have went into.

Is it too late for him?

Science.

He should have been a scientist.

Mathematics.

And competitive eating.

Eating.

He really, I mean, he, I mean, it's a gift to us that he's here.

And, you know, but

I think the world was robbed

of what he could have provided.

You know, we may not be where we're sitting today, you know, as a world if Giddam Steve Dave hadn't flunked out of college.

He could have been the president.

No, I mean him staying in college.

Like, why did he get kicked out again?

His grades were bad?

He just, yeah, he doesn't take tests well.

Oh, okay.

You know,

when he's put on the spot, he usually comes up small.

But he just did pretty well right there.

Right.

I mean, he doesn't feel the pressure of a real test right there.

Gotcha.

You know?

Well, we can't discount the fact that he does, for better or worse, have autism, and that's going to affect his test-taking ability.

But I I think that's why he's as smart as he is, too.

I think that, like, it's the curse, you know, it's a blessing

and a curse because

it provided him with a brain unlike any other person on the planet.

Wow.

You really are selling this guy.

I don't know where we're going.

People are like, 13%ers are like, Eric, who?

Show me this kid him.

You think with that intelligence, he's got to be a skilled lover, right?

Skilled.

Oh, I know.

I know.

He's told me he is.

He told me that

he doesn't care about his needs until his partner's needs are met.

And he has put his body through disfigurement to provide his lovers with pleasure.

Yeah.

That bump on his hand.

And that says everything about a human being, doesn't it?

Yeah.

You know, smart and selfless.

Is there a better combination?

Well,

in a different package, perhaps?

No, that's high of the beholden.

You know, it's like a decorative

bag versus like, you know, a grocery bag.

You know, at Christmas time, you get a nice fucking.

You know what, though?

He's...

If he applied himself, he could fucking whip himself into shape, too, I believe, too.

So about his application.

That's where he would lose girls, I think.

His His complete lack of ambition to no, I mean, he doesn't want to lose weight.

He's offered money to lose weight, he's offered rent for his house, his apartment.

He's offered this, he's offered that.

He doesn't care.

Like, I mean, what do you want, though?

I mean, he's fucking smart as a fucking whip.

And you want ambition, too?

I don't think women are going to, yeah, that's a lot of times they go hand in hand.

I think, in fact, I think you can get more successful with ambition over intelligence if you had to pick one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I believe that you're right.

I believe ambition can trump

intelligence.

That's not a political statement everywhere.

No, no, no, I'm not going to.

Calm the fuck down.

Yeah, but we're recording this, so we don't even know.

Like we were recording this a couple weeks ago.

I've already smashed a few windows.

The election has passed.

By now, it's passed.

We probably don't know

who won as of yet, but we may.

You think a week later we still won't know?

You think it's going to be that close, huh?

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, it's a possibility.

It could be a trouncing, though, too, though.

I mean, everything is set up for a trouncing as well, it feels like.

If you had to call it, who do you think?

Who do you think is rural we're living under now?

Rule?

Rule.

Like the rule of rules.

I don't think we're living under anybody's rule.

We're not a fucking monarchy.

You don't believe that there's a ruling class?

Yes, I do, but it's not the political class.

Oh, who is it?

It's the fucking elites.

Yeah, but you don't think that they run who goes into the White House?

No, because I think if they did, that Trump wouldn't have got in there the first time.

Really?

With all those tax cuts he did?

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Let's just get him.

Get him.

Get back here.

Get him.

Who's the president by the time this airs?

I don't think it's going to be decided by that point.

Come on, man.

Who's going to win?

I don't know.

It is.

We know you don't know, goddammit.

Yeah, but

if you had to bet

all that money that you got fucking and Q's hair.

I mean,

even if this goes to the internet in two weeks, I think there's still going to be mail-in ballots that haven't been restricted to the market.

Okay, but eventually someone's going to win.

Who is it?

Who do you think it's going to be?

I would

say Trump, because he was...

I didn't expect him to win last time.

I remember going to bed and waking up and finding out he was president.

I was like, wow, I did not expect that one bit whatsoever.

Yeah.

You should have said that.

That makes you look like you're not smart.

You should always say that you knew it.

I'll cut that part out.

No, I'll.

You always say you knew it was going to happen.

I'm sure it's online that I said that.

So I'm not going to say that.

Oh, you didn't know this was going to happen?

Get real condescending and shit.

Yeah, because no one's going to fact-check you here.

You could have been like, you could have just told me that you knew it was going to happen.

And anybody who didn't know it was a fucking idiot.

I honestly think if Corona didn't happen, he would have just walked right into the White House for a second term.

Yeah.

Given the way that the country seemed to be moving in a pretty good direction at that time with the stock market and everything.

But now now it's tough.

But I think I know of some people who used to be very Democratic and are now pro-Trump because

they think that the coronavirus response is overblown.

And I'm not saying they're right.

It's a very tough issue.

People are so unwilling to commit.

I don't know.

I think the coronavirus is kind of bullshit.

Oh, I don't know.

And I'm not saying you do.

But it's very rare that people want to say that.

People are so like, I don't want to say that because I don't get called a Nazi.

Somebody was yelling.

They're like, I I bet Bry's the kind of, because a couple weeks ago we were talking about masks and shit.

I'm like, I hate wearing the mask.

You guys were both wearing the mask, but I wasn't.

He's like, Bry seems like the kind of guy that would just go into store and not wear a mask.

And I'm like, what do you mean I seem like that type?

I haven't done it once.

Every time I go in a store,

everyone back to the car being like, oh, I fucking forgot the goddamn mask.

It was your tales of

terrorizing sonics, though, that made, you know, that people like, you know,

they

conjecture or like it's you know like they make you okay.

Well, if he's if he fucking was angry at a sonic, they're extrapolating.

Yeah, oh, all right.

Well, don't extrapolate, man.

You can't fucking figure me out.

I'm bobbing and weaving all over the place.

And if you had fucking just seen me, I made a bobbing and weaving motion to prove my point.

Very agile.

Yeah, but you even said that you.

I mean, what are they upset that you don't like?

I don't like wearing a mask.

Nobody likes it.

I want to meet the person that's given a choice.

Would you like Corona to go away and not wear a mask?

I want to meet the person that's like, nah, that's okay.

I'm good.

Of course, I was just like, I can't stand stand wearing the mask.

I don't want to wear the mask.

I see people, not me, I see people being like, fuck it.

I'm not doing this anymore.

And I think in mass, like earlier today, you were saying that some Mexican guy walked into 7-Eleven, wasn't wearing a mask in the middle of the day?

No, it was Wawa.

And was not wearing a mask, and no one said a single word to him.

Like, I could see the employees giving him a side eye, and I'm like, I just waited till he was.

gone and through.

I stayed back, waited till he was gone and through, and then I checked out.

I work at Wawa.

I feel like I'd be the same way.

I'd be like, I don't want to deal with this shit.

Yeah.

Oh, wait.

You know what?

Let me fucking go talk to that white guy over there.

I'll yell at him for keeping his mask down.

That way, nobody will give a fuck.

Yeah, I mean, I just, I try to do as much enforcement as I can in the store.

Pam was in the grocery store wearing her mask down under her nose.

And she's like, it gets too hot.

I can't breathe.

She has asthma.

So, of course, she's fucking using that excuse.

I'm like, bitch, you're a nurse.

You're a fucking nurse.

Why keep the mask on at all?

Then go get a fucking note from your doctor that says you don't have to wear one.

And then deal with every motherfucker coming up to you.

Put the guy on his car.

Just put it on.

I try to delicately tell people when they're in the store and they do that.

I'm like, oh, oh, looks like your mask slipped down.

So it's like, I'm not saying it's your fault.

It's like, oh, maybe it just slipped down.

You didn't realize it.

They're saying maybe 2021, the middle of it, then

there might be

some movement towards not having to wear masks anymore.

That'd be nice.

Is it okay if I don't wear it then, Mr.

Fucking Reddit, jerk off?

I think this is a ripoff.

Forget about it.

When you hear forget about it, what do you think of?

Brooklyn.

Brooklyn, right?

Yeah, Sopranos.

Yeah, I think it's Sopranos.

Forget about it.

New Jersey is the most hated state in America.

New Jersey?

Why?

Says it right there.

They're jealous.

They're jelly.

They hate us because they ain't us.

Keep that up.

Why do they hate?

Oh, Jersey show really fucking dinged you guys up.

Yeah.

Really?

Turns out New Yorkers were right all along.

New Jersey is the most hated state in America.

I don't remember hearing New Yorkers say that about us.

Why are they always fucking coming here?

We talk about it.

They always come in here.

Can't stay the fuck out of Jersey.

If you guys would fuck to fucking Staten Island, 10 years I'm driving down here like a fucking asshole.

Yeah, you can't hate it that much.

Have you heard some of the things that Brian Johnson's seen in New York?

I can understand why he's not going to go.

I'll tell you what, man.

When I'm driving to New York and there's a fucking car with jersey plates in front of me, I know I'm in for a fucking fuck shop of a time.

I agree with you.

This guy doesn't know how to drive.

He goes below the speed limit.

He's going fucking.

He's got his blinker on.

Jersey drives.

Do you even use blinkers in New York?

I've seen seen the way New Yorkers drive.

You're fucking assholes.

I've seen the way Q drives.

Fuck, dude, there's nothing worse than a jersey plate in front of you.

Nothing.

An old man?

It doesn't matter.

Jersey plate.

An old man from Florida.

A jersey plate is worse than an old lady from Florida.

Because at least I can look at them and be like, well, that's an old lady.

I get it.

But you get it fucking every type of jersey person.

We drive safe.

Drive like fucking.

We want to get there.

Dude, it's the worst.

It's just the worst.

It's so depressing when you see a jersey plate in front of you.

You're like,

It's so fucking important, you New Yorkers.

Yeah.

Get somewhere so quick that you're not going to get it.

I want to get there every station.

You want a story to write.

You're in the left lane already, but the blink is on.

And we all say it, we're like, fucking Jersey.

There he goes.

There's Jersey.

You know what?

If we would stay out of New York, if you would fucking stop coming down here and fucking try and

crowding up our beaches during the summer.

I can't even go down to the fucking shore of my family.

You guys build a fucking boardwalk.

It's a bunch of shit.

It's shopping and everything to draw people in.

then you complain when people come no only people from New York and it is I swear when when New York people come around I'm like Jesus fucking Christ man like oh they think they own it they think they own the fucking area they are arrogant yes you think you own it yeah what do you own well I own the car that I'm driving in that they're fucking holding me up in that much I know

this is how we're divided

I love Jersey I got nothing against Jersey I love Jersey that's why I'm surprised to say it's a hated state you got so many good things here yeah let's see why they hate I've always been a big fan of Jersey.

I just

moved driving.

I think you moved to Jersey.

I might.

I actually, there have been discussions of moving out of New York.

I wish you moved to Jersey.

It's loathed by most people in New York, Pennsylvania, and Connecticut, giving it a hatred index of 818.

That was calculated by the percentage of the population that has recently moved out of each state.

So, wait, so you moved here into Jersey?

Then get the fuck out again.

Yeah, you don't like it.

I would like to.

We got access to fucking precious New York.

We got the shore.

We got everything.

Atlantic City.

Fuck you.

It's a fucking paradise.

He's a fucking gem in the crown.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, AC is not.

All right, forget AC.

We're a stone's throw from Foxwoods.

Tell him, Steve Davis.