#461: Stronger than Time

Hey, it's your old buddy Bry here.

If you didn't get enough of us with Tell them Steve Dave, I'm going to be on my friend Carl's podcast called Who Are These Podcasts on Sunday.

So you can check that out wherever you get your podcasts.

Fuck you, God.

Yeah, but I'm not eating fertilizer.

I want the beeps and the boops and whatever fucking nonsense they were playing over and over again in my youth.

Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Hello, Waltz.

Hello.

Hello, Q.

Hey, bud.

Hey, and I'm Brian.

Every episode is somebody's first episode, right?

So how do we want to greet them?

Not at all?

I think it's unlikely, 400 episodes in, that this episode is going to be someone's first.

I really, really doubt it.

I mean, I'm not saying that.

I just, if I was a betting man, I would go all in that this is not someone's first episode.

Really?

Well, if you're a Tellum Steve Dave virgin, write to Waltz

2

and let them know.

I'm not into Virgins.

Nah, fuck no, man.

You want someone with some experience?

You want somebody cherry?

The only thing new I buy is a car.

Everything else I want has miles on it.

Is this the Thanksgiving episode?

I guess it would be, right?

Well, what's today?

Wednesday.

It wouldn't be released this week.

Wednesday.

Wednesday.

No, it guesses.

It's getting released.

Yeah, it would be this week.

Well, if we release it...

Yeah,

I'll put it out.

What day today?

Wednesday?

I'll put it out at the end of the week, and then the next one will be the Thanksgiving.

Okay, so, all right, so we've still got a week before Thanksgiving.

But we're excited about it.

Can't wait.

You guys doing anything?

I'm not doing anything to see.

I'm staying home.

I think I'm going to Pam's house.

Yeah.

We're shooting, because we're shooting practical jokers, and I'm dealing with the public.

Even though it's very safe, it's not so safe that I want to cram in a room with my older parents and my nieces and nephews and stuff like that.

So I'm kind of sitting in that at home.

You're going to spend it just alone then, huh?

Thanksgiving?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

What do you think he's thankful for?

Listen, an Xbox just came out.

I managed to get one.

So, what am I going to do?

Really?

A new Xbox.

Yeah, got a new Xbox.

What I did was went on eBay and paid twice what I should have paid and got one.

I was really hoping he got it for free.

Yeah, it's here that he paid double what he should have paid for.

I feel like, good.

Yeah.

So what?

Stupid ass.

I feel the same way.

Good.

So what?

But can you get into the Thanksgiving frame of mind, though, if you're just all alone?

Or can you reflect?

Is it easier to reflect and be thankful when you're by yourself?

Sure.

Thanksgiving is never really that for me anyway.

It's more just seeing my family and eating a lot.

But you don't know.

So I'm going to miss out on that.

Just sit and stare

at the fire and go and just list all the things you should be thankful for.

I do that

almost every day.

You do it.

Not every day, but I do.

On a regular basis, you don't have to wait for Thanksgiving.

I would say there's not a week goes by that I don't walk around my house and be like, I fucking, I just love this place.

I love where I am.

I love things as they are.

Yeah.

Although,

I didn't even think to ask you guys this, but I had a thought lately, and I hope that I'm not derailing.

No, it's a Thanksgiving talk.

All right.

Have you guys, what is your definition of a midlife crisis?

Put aside the sports car shit.

Like, what does it represent?

Like, what's the debt?

Like, what is a midlife crisis?

I think it's reaching the age where

more of your years are behind you than ahead of you.

And you're like, holy shit, I better make the most of this while I can.

And whatever the most of it is up to the individual.

But you tend to do something irrational, though, and

made out of

emotion

because you're emotionally

unhappy,

you know, because you're panicking.

Yeah.

Because you're like, oh oh my God, if I don't do this now, I'll never get to do it.

So

I would say, like Brian almost paints it like it's a good thing.

You don't think it should be?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I've always,

when I hear the word midlife crisis, the word crisis in itself lends me to believe it's not a good thing.

Right.

So you guys never experienced anything like that?

Oh, I'm sure I've had my own personal ones where I liked where, like, you know, where I was like, man, do I have enough comics?

And then you're like, for what?

Like, enough comics for what?

Have I purchased enough comics in my life?

I think that is a thing, though.

You're just like, the things you buy, they stop giving you that rush.

You know, like you used to go to a new comic stay and you're like, holy fuck, look at all these new comics.

No, no, I meant like, and then I, no, I'm saying, do I have enough?

I look at the shelf and I'm like, do I have enough comics?

No, I don't.

Oh, I thought you meant personally.

I do meet personally.

And then then I go right to eBay and I buy a hardcover I'm looking for.

Twice as much as...

I think I liken it to an existential crisis.

Yeah.

So not a good thing.

No, I don't think it's a good thing, except if it motivates you to go beyond what you're already doing.

If you're like, holy shit, I just realized, like, I'm not really happy doing this.

I'm in a rut.

I'm looking at my wife and this is what she looks like.

And then I look in the mirror and this is what I look like.

And where did that fucking person go?

Like,

where did that 25-year-old guy or 20-year-old guy who's like, hey, you know what?

I want to do this, this, and this.

And then you never do it?

Like, what happened to him?

But you don't think you've done any of the things?

Because you've had a pretty fucking

lot of stuff.

Yeah.

I've done a lot of stuff.

And I don't even know, like, going forward, I'm like, really, the only thing I think about is tell him Steve Dave.

Like, that's the one solid thing that I'm like, going forward, this is what I would still want to do.

But I don't have that travel bug in me anymore that I used to have, especially to some of these countries.

You know, it's just fucking dangerous now.

Forget the COVID.

Right.

You know, it's just like I like to go to Mexico, but

you go to any of these resorts and it's still getting to the resort.

It appears as dangerous.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What makes you say that, though?

I was reading about the tourism.

Where are you reading it?

You're online, I guess.

Yeah.

It's like you get to these new tourist mags.

I was going to say, I wouldn't report that stuff.

Why do you ask?

Are you in the throes of a big life crisis right now?

Not the throes, but lately I've.

I'm pulled up in a Maserati.

Yeah.

Not the throes, no, but lately I have been wondering if I'm edging towards it a little bit.

So much so that, and I like to think that I'm kind of in touch with myself and

I know myself pretty well, which is why I think I might be

in the early stages of it because I am thinking a lot about death and like about

time left, and what do I want to do with the time left?

And am I going to stay healthy?

And these thoughts I've never had before, and it's starting to get me to be like, holy fuck,

whoa.

I think about that shit too.

Yeah.

I think I said that last time.

I was like, I think about death almost exclusively.

But how is that not like that's what I'm saying?

Like, I never had those, not like I'm having now.

Like, now I feel the

clock ticking, and it's making me want to do things, not buy a Maserati, but I certainly want to fucking buy that DeLorean I've wanted my entire life.

You know what I mean?

Frank Five has a DeLorean.

Frank Five has a fucking DeLorean.

Right.

And I'm like, and I'm like, I don't know.

I just, I'm starting to feel things that I've never felt before.

That I'm getting old.

That I'm starting to

get out of touch.

That I'm starting to wind down.

And

just the beginnings.

Now, get out of touch in what way?

With music?

I'm already way so out of touch with music.

I'm way young.

Don't even worry about that.

That's ridiculous.

You can't keep up.

Yeah, yeah.

And you don't even want, you shouldn't have to because it's garbage.

New music.

Sure.

I agree.

I do agree with you.

It really is.

I'm not just saying that.

It's fucking trash.

Yeah, it is garbage.

There's nothing out there worth it.

But everybody feels that.

Everybody feels that about new music.

That's what makes me feel this way.

It's like, holy fuck, I'm in this position in my life.

I'm shit.

Meanwhile, these kids listening to it are like, this is the fucking best.

And then they're going to turn 40 and they're going to be like, this new shit sucks.

I want the beeps and the boops and whatever fucking nonsense they were playing over and over again in my youth.

That's the circle of life, man.

I'm starting to realize my role in it, man.

And the next, the next thing, now I don't have kids, you got to remember.

So there is no legacy for me.

Like, so,

but that's, I think, I think, um, just like the honeymooners

is being played in prime time

in 2020.

I believe IJ will be playing prime time somewhere in America in

2080.

He's been eating lead out of fucking, or Mercury, rather, out of thermometers.

Am I right, though, in saying that the Honeymooners plays?

I'm quite unsure.

I love IJ.

I love IJ.

Yeah.

Do I think it has the staying power of the fucking honeymooners?

I don't think so.

Only the honeymooners so far has had the staying power.

Yeah, like Charlie Chaplin was the biggest motherfucker on the planet.

And like,

kids don't even know what's going on.

I don't get residuals now.

I'm not getting residuals in 2080.

That's why I think it will play because they won't have to give anybody a residual.

That is true.

That is why they play it a billion times a day.

They don't have to pay me anything.

So I believe that, like, if there's any show that has shown

the

power to be shown 24-7,

so do you really think in

that people will not be watching your show?

Yeah, but I don't care about that now.

I'm not going to care about it after I'm dead.

That's a legacy.

Yeah, but not a real like your daughters are a real like carrying on of your bloodline, carrying on of your values, carrying on as your family.

Like, I don't.

But none of the work I do will have that.

None of the things I do, like my, that comes from my blood, sweat, and tears.

So comic book, man.

No, no, no, no,

no, 2080 for us.

We can't even get 2020 barely.

No, I mean, let's just be laid off.

On Main Street, there's not a chance.

But,

you know,

right.

I think, though, that

individually we

we kind of discount the things that we do, like, just the way we are.

But, But, like, I believe that you could definitely call what your

current work a legacy.

Your legacy.

Right.

I'm sure.

I guess I just take a different view of it.

Do you think there's a chance?

Do you have something?

I mean, we all like to think of it, but do you think there's something else that you'll produce that will eclipse?

I would actually rather be known for ITLC, Dave.

IJ is too big.

It's a juggernaut.

I would love to see you go even bigger than IJ, if that's what you want.

Yeah, but this is, but none of this

addresses the feeling I have of because that's like other people.

Do you want a child?

No, I don't want a kid.

No.

Did you hear what I said about the Xbox?

I play that anytime.

I played Assassin's Creed for like five hours yesterday.

I didn't have that opinion thrown out.

When these strange feelings start to come to the forefront, do you ever wonder, like, well,

maybe

I should have a small?

I feel that piece is missing in me.

I do.

I've never once felt that in my entire life.

But do you think, though, if you

no, I think I would be,

I think it would hasten

my demise.

I'd be like, oh, why did I do this?

Well, what you got to do, because now's the time to do it.

Like

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they were pioneers, like going over to Africa and buying black kids and stuff.

Yeah.

Now it's super woke.

You show up with a black kid.

Yeah, I don't want to be woke.

I just want to keep my head down and float.

What about found a big brother thing, like, you know, the big brothers, the big sisters of America.

His Xbox is gone, the cat.

Rob's the house the first day.

I paid twice as much for that.

Oh, he fucking changed my eBay payment, too.

Motherfucker, I can't help you.

Look at what he's buying.

You're gonna buy another

triple-price

box.

I hear a fucking fire.

I hear the fucking DeLorean spitting out in the driveway.

He's off.

He's gone.

Oh.

Big brother would be rough.

Why?

I'm not even lying to you.

I've thought about it.

Sincerely, I've thought about it.

But something always stops me from like,

Your wife's beating up or you're going to get in the house.

No, no, no.

Only because I was just big, I got to go through so much, like, tests.

You know, I would have to go through so much paperwork.

They're not just going to let me fucking stroll in and fucking take a kid for an afternoon.

Right.

As they shouldn't.

That's not a negative.

But the kind of fucking hoops and hurdles that you got to go through just to be like, okay,

I'm quote unquote safe

to spend time to like mentor a kid doesn't mean, I don't know, I don't know.

But then I'm like, yeah, it's just too much work.

Which I guess shitty fucking attitude.

It's a big commitment.

I mean, at least you got to the point where you're like, maybe I'll do it.

I'm like, no fucking way.

Never.

Never.

I can feel good about myself for thinking about it for like

levels to shittiness, and you're one of them.

Did you ever consider what you would do with them?

Like where you would bring them?

Hockey game.

Yeah.

You know, if the NHL ever gets, you know, to get to show, to have fans in the arenas again.

I don't know.

I mean, movies.

If the movie theaters ever open up again.

Just a lot of manly stuff,

you know, and I guess kind of show them the ways of, you know,

values and stuff.

You could teach him about comics if he's interested in that.

Yeah.

You could let him root through all your stuff.

Probably a lot of kids would be into it now.

Check out all your hardcovers.

Movies and stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

But would you ever think about the Big Brother in an all-serious system?

No,

I don't.

That sort of commitment is beyond me, I think.

He would be the celebrity Big Bro.

Everybody would want him.

Oh my God.

The PR you got it.

I didn't even think about that.

I don't want the PR, though.

You would get the PR.

I just want to be left alone.

I'd like to do a People Magazine article and shit.

It's like you guys are playing badminton or some shit.

No, I don't want it.

I'm getting in trouble now for not promoting the TV shows I have on air.

Apparently, I'm contractually obliged to, and I just say no to everything.

Yeah.

I just don't care.

What kind of promotion are they looking for?

What they want you to do?

If you look at the Twitter feeds of all four Impractical Jokers, you'll notice like a fucking

dearth of

online

just radio interviews, social media tours and stuff like that, satellite media tours.

I just find it.

And

this is kind of all going back to your feelings of.

No, no, this, I think, I don't know.

You know what it is?

I don't know if it's things that I haven't done, but I'm thinking about things in my life that I have done, and I'm like, I'll just never do anything like that again.

That makes you remiss a little.

It's just time's gone by, and they'll never be back.

And that's not to say that there's not great times ahead, but I don't know, man.

I just, it's hard to form because I'm really at the early stages of it, and I'm trying to not

drive up here in a fucking Maserati.

No, it's just notable.

A little bit, a little

sad's not the right word.

Melancholy might be, and very little, and it's weird because it's a new feeling for me.

Like, getting older is like getting older is a new feeling.

I've never let, yeah, that's the one thing.

I have never, I'm stronger than time.

Yeah.

Yeah, I won't let, I'm like, you know, I'm not going to think about it.

I am not going to fucking obsess about it.

I am not going to, I'm not going to allow it to fucking

rule my world.

And now it may anyway, though, but I just don't acknowledge it, though.

Okay, so now I walk down the stairs and I got to hold the handrailing.

Yeah.

I just don't think about it.

Lots of people got to do that.

Big deal.

If you have to hold on to two handrails, it's when you're in trouble.

Yeah, like I wouldn't want to be the, like, I don't know.

I feel like it's like if I die and other people are still around, I'm like, it's not a loss for them.

I'm like, God damn them.

Like, I would be annoyed that I died.

I'm going to miss out.

Yeah.

Now I'm going to miss out on some shit.

Maybe something good.

Now, that's a different Brian Johnson, though.

You know, Brian Johnson always makes the jokes that he wishes, you know, that he was not here.

Yeah.

So that's always a good idea.

That would be resentful.

Yeah.

That's what I go.

Like, fuck all you're doing.

Yeah, that's on brands.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Like, there's every chance.

I'm no more poised to not end up old, decrepit, get my ass wiped by a fucking strange nurse than anybody else.

And now I'm closer to that than

I am to the glory years.

Oh, you're so far away from having a nurse have to take care of your every need, though.

Oh, 44, right.

But let's say it's what?

How many more?

40 more years?

Yeah, think how long it took to get you to this point, though.

Think how many years it took, how long it's been.

You've been on the face of the earth, and now like double that.

You're right.

You're right.

I mean,

but the thing you don't know,

going back to something you said earlier, is like, you know, I feel like there's a timer, like there's a clock.

Yeah.

But the fucked up thing is that timer, it can go off at any time.

You don't know.

Could be next week.

On the way home tonight.

Yeah.

Like you say, when you're 95, it could go off.

It's just like, fuck you, God.

Like, fuck you for doing this.

If there's a God.

Not thank you for the years.

It's fuck you for taking them from me.

No, yeah.

What do you want?

What more do you want God to do?

I guarantee, God damn it.

He laid it all out for you, what you're supposed to do.

Yeah, that's true.

He fucking told you.

But even if I do it, I still could get into a fucking car.

I see lots of people who seem like good people.

Children.

Those children, you know.

They're going to be sinners anyway.

They're taken for

a higher call.

Oh, you know, plan.

Oh, that's right.

He always has a plan.

I know.

He always has a plan.

What sort of God gives Frank five a DeLorean while I sit here, yeah, driving a fucking anything but a DeLorean?

I'm pretty sure Joey Fatone has one in storage.

He hasn't looked at in years.

He's got so much cool shit in storage, that guy.

He's got an entire fucking Superman's Fortress of Solitude in storage.

Is this how

you justify buying of a DeLorean?

Are you that close to doing it?

And now you're kind of struggling because you're like, no, no, no.

If I buy a DeLorean, I'll buy one, and I'm not going to.

I don't feel guilty about that.

I've always wanted one, so I'll get it eventually.

I will.

I just don't have the space for it.

You said you're only here for a short time.

Well,

I just told you you're not here for a short time, but you know what I'm saying.

Like,

you have the means to do it now.

Yeah.

Why would you not?

What is stopping you from buying a fucking DeLorean?

Just where am I going to put storage?

That's the only thing.

Build yourself a fucking garage.

Nice fucking sweet garage and then deck it out with all the fucking garage.

He already has a garage.

Back to the future.

Yeah, but that's two garages are fucking garage.

But

that's got the Crown Vic.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Come on.

Would you rather have in that garage?

No, DeLorean or a Crown Vic?

Yeah, no, I know.

I know, but I really love that Crown Vic.

Well, you could put a cover over the Crown Vic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's up?

Because you could just put a cover over the Crown Vic and leave that on sleep.

And you can have your little man cave, all Back to the Future shit.

Yeah, I know.

All that shit I got.

Marty, you can fly that place up.

I got to do it.

But I don't know.

But it's, I don't know, man.

I've never had these feelings before, and it's notable for me.

And I was just curious if you guys had any guidance.

Not that you're much older than me, but you know, you're a little bit older than me.

How old are you?

44.

So we're about eight years older than you.

Yeah.

That's a pretty big gap.

Yeah.

What would I tell you?

Well, since I, like I said, I don't really, I don't allow it to play a factor in my life.

And I've been lucky in that way because I haven't had it slap me across the face in terms of being like at the hospital or in front of a doctor.

Or like, you know, I haven't had it like, you know, like,

it's easy to be like, ah, I'm not going to let it fucking bother me.

And because I'm not taking a fucking thousand pills to keep it fucking going every day, you know, I haven't taken a.

What's that supposed to mean?

But I haven't had a prescription.

Right.

Probably since the 90s.

I haven't had a prescription.

That's unbelievable.

He hasn't gone to the doctor.

That's a good point.

You know, I remember I texted him.

I think we were talking about this on the show one time.

I texted her, but she didn't get back to us.

I said, when's the last time I had a prescription?

And she wrote back in a question mark, maybe, maybe before Caitlin was born in 98.

So, I mean, so that's easy to keep those blinders on and be like,

you know,

age is just a number.

All that bullshit, all that fucking mumbo-jumbo, all those talking points.

Yeah.

It's a lot easier when you're not fucking at, you know, at the doctor every other week.

Or

you're not seeing yourself break down.

And

that's coming for me.

It's coming.

Yeah, it's coming for all of us.

That's thrown away on me.

But, you know, Jacqueline, there's certain guys that...

Give away Jacqueline Lane now, right?

But there's certain guys that have the it.

Yeah.

You may be one of those guys.

You're still very,

you're still very youthful.

You're still very viral.

Sure.

You're still very uh you came bursting through the door tonight yeah

pop in your step i was excited to see you guys i was looking forward to tonight you ran in here i love doing this man somebody was after him

his little brother was like no

i i was very happy to get here because this week i was thinking about telling steve david i was like man we haven't really done anything with the four colored demons in a while and i was like Why?

Like, I know nobody can get together.

And we were supposed to have the big rally this year and stuff like that, but we don't even mention on the show anymore, which is opposite of how I feel about it because I'm so proud of the four-colored demons.

That's pretty big.

Yeah.

A lot of memories.

I've always equated it to being your baby.

Yeah.

Yeah, so that's why I've never been like, we should do this with the four-colored demons because it's, because that was your creation.

That was your child.

And you loved it so much that I didn't want to come in and be like

in a heavy-handed way, be like, we're going to do this with the four-colored demons, you know?

I wish you fucking would.

I was thinking of doing through R ⁇ H.

Maybe I'll do

four-color demon brew, like a real like limited run.

Tiniest sip.

For me?

Yeah.

Fuck a tiny sip.

Fucking, it's time for me to fucking drink a whole that's my board.

Kegger.

Glass.

Kegger.

What's up?

One of those pint glasses?

Yeah.

I'll fucking chug it.

Like

I'm going to get a lemonade or whatever the fuck that was.

We'll do it.

Wait, would I get drunk, though, from doing a pint?

You've never done it.

You want to get drunk.

You would be like, oh, this is nice.

No, no, not all for one.

You'd stop being so fucking rigid, probably.

I'm going to break one of these commandments just for fun.

Yeah,

maybe we'll do like a run.

We'll sell it through

Merchable or something like that.

Well, no,

you'd need a license.

We'd have to sell it through RNH, but, you know.

Still, you guys will get your share.

I don't even care.

It's also a good idea.

I'll work on that.

You can't really do it.

Is there like a certain, you have a certain flavor or a certain...

I'll have to work with a man that my brewmaster.

She'll.

She's sort of, what's what's it called?

A formula?

Should have an edge to it.

Like, get them grape.

Yeah.

No, you know what?

I'm going to make it for you.

Oh, so it's going to be alcohol-free?

No.

It's going to have alcohol in it.

But we'll do a Pilsner, which is a lower alcohol rate.

But if you get it alcohol-free, we could sell it anywhere then, right?

Yeah.

Do we want to be the motorcycle gang that has a fucking alcohol?

Most people don't have motorcycles.

Like a near beer?

What a party.

Although, or is that funnier?

You make the call.

You're the fucking brewmaster here, not me.

Do you know that the people who were going to buy it even if it had alcohol in it will still buy it if it does?

Because it's because of the label and because of who's because of who brewed it.

Yeah.

Well, a lot of people who can't buy R ⁇ H buy the glasses we make.

So that would be the thing for us to do.

Make those beer glasses so people could just drink anything they want out of it.

Cool.

But that's neither here nor there.

Yeah, all right.

I'll get to work on it.

I'll come back to you guys with a plan.

I was thinking, if you're going to bring up all this stuff from

the past, or going forward, I mean, I was thinking of the past recently and our most formative years, which would have been like late 90s, early 2000s.

And I'm like, because I've been in touch with Toad.

Oh, yeah.

We're going to do a podcast with him.

How happy is he?

Very happy.

He sent me a picture of himself.

I was like, oh, my God, my Toad got old.

Gray hair and shit.

Yeah.

But I'm like, I think it back to those times, and I'm like, Toad, court jester, the cons, like all that, like when we, when we started becoming really good friends, Key West, all that really formative shit, and how fun it was.

Yeah.

And like, that, those were the times when you're like, you seemed unencumbered by things, you know?

Yeah.

And it's not that way anymore.

Like, when, when, what are you encumbered by?

I'm encumbered by him being encumbered.

I was going to say, if you've done shit fucking covering you, you're the most uncumbered motherfucker on the face of the planet.

No cumber over here.

I agree.

But the guy wanted to do shit with some cumbered.

I think we're going to get it back.

I think the good thing is this.

I think we're going to get that back soon, sooner rather than later.

And I think that I have an excuse to wear a mask for the next 10 years.

Nobody's going to be like, why is that fucking guy wearing a mask?

Everybody's going to have the memory of this.

So we can go to places like Vegas and Key West and stuff like that.

And I could wear this.

And nobody will.

We did go to a Ren fair and you were immediately spotted.

I know.

know yeah that's true so if you put sunglasses on in the basket we're in business yeah yeah definitely or just have plastic surgery if you're if

you're like go down to mexico well maybe i'll just disgrace myself publicly and then people will not want anything to do everybody will hate you yeah that's an idea that's not shunned

exiled plastic surgery in mexico is a way better idea

i'm going to raise our spirits and our boners boys oh uh

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Did they stop saying that they would also increase the girth and the length?

I don't think they ever said that.

Oh, they didn't.

Okay.

I'm just thinking of something else, then.

Probably that.

There was a horny goat weed.

Oh, yeah.

Remember that from a long time ago?

Yeah, horny goatweed.

It was like in every deli.

What?

Yeah, you never heard of horny goatweed?

No.

So horny goatweed was supposedly what?

It was like not a spice.

It was like a...

It was like some sort of natural, yeah, like a like a, like you would add it to shit, I think.

Yeah, they sold it in like

every bodega in New York City had it, and it was like, it was just like a packets on like the side of the register, and you throw it out.

Supposedly, it was

got you dick hard, gave you a little extra.

Now, it had to be bullshit, right?

Complete bullshit.

Complete bullshit.

Yeah, it still says it.

Horny goatweed is an herb.

The leaves are used to make medicine.

And there are as many as 15 horny goatweed species.

Did you ever think about that?

Like, like size is like, you know, there's such an emphasis on size, almost everything.

Yeah.

Except a few things.

Almost every body part.

There's an emphasis on bigger is better.

There's only a few things I could think of that, like.

like ears, nose, nose, yeah.

Let me read this real quick.

Well, nobody's looking for a fucking huge vagina either.

No, no, not that I know.

Why?

Because like almost every part of the woman guys wanted something bigger, it feels like.

Yeah, do you want, what, did you want bigger boobs on your wife?

Like, because I feel like I'm not a boob guy, so like big or small, it doesn't matter to me.

Well, I think there, I mean, there's so many, I mean, there's billions of people on the planet that like are into big boobs.

Oh, I'm outnumbered for sure.

Like, it doesn't really matter to me.

But, like, if you think about it, though, I think that's the only part of the female that dudes are just not like.

What about the ass?

I'm not into it.

Well, big people love big asses.

Yeah, big ass.

Oh, so you're saying that's the only part of the females?

Yeah, the puss.

Nobody really wants it.

What about the mouth?

People do nice lips on this true.

If it's fucking nagging the hell out of you, yeah, you know, it's not really into it.

His mouth is too big.

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Is that just a societal thing that guys are just

intimidated by a large vulva?

I don't know what the definition of a large vulva would be.

I've seen a range of vaginas in my life.

I felt they were all.

They said, dog, you've got to fucking tie a fucking two by four to your ass, so you're going to fall in.

I think that's more about a girl being promiscuous than it is about the...

Yeah, she's gross.

Like the wizard sleeve.

Not a physical deformative.

she's been so banged out that like it's just loose it's a fallacy i'm sure but again that's beat up

let me just read it please anybody that's ever tied a real two by four to their fucking to their back that would be amazing wouldn't it like i want to meet the guy that's like look

when i met my girl she'd been around the block a couple times

and how would you get it on like a belt You would somehow need to fashion a special belt.

You'd have to drill holes, put eye hole bolts into it, and then put your belt through through it.

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Okay, that's done.

Do you remember Artie and Jimbo?

They were like,

we're going to go with some girl.

We're going to do the board.

I wonder wonder if that's what they were referring to.

I mean, I'm talking like we're going back to 1987 when I make this reference.

I've never heard anybody else ever say that they were going to do the board,

only those two guys.

And I assumed it meant that they were just going to double-team a chick, right?

That's what I thought, too.

But I mean, let me look up the actual saying, Do the doing the board.

I've never heard anybody.

I haven't heard anything.

Never again, ever.

You just brought it up now.

Let's see, doing

the board.

No.

That must be something they made up because I'm not seeing anything about it.

It's nice that you weren't one of the people that a rumor circulated about in school.

Like, we had, like, say, Red Boat.

Yeah.

You know, which was a girl.

It would be devastating, right?

To have a rumor that wasn't true to circulate to school.

You know, some kids actually just, they wind up leaving the school because it just gets too

painful.

It sucks.

Or today they fucking hang themselves.

It's fucking insane.

I just read a story about some little girl.

She was 13, and she's like, you know, they were making fun of me and calling me names.

Next thing you know, she's strung up.

It's like, what the fuck, man?

It's horrible.

They don't have, I don't think they have a sense of finality like we do.

If they'd only held on, they would have gotten it.

Yeah,

I always feel bad about hearing stuff like that.

It's just miserable, man.

Did you have anybody aside from Murray who was shunned in school?

There were people, it wasn't too bad because we went to Catholic high school.

When I was younger,

there was kids in my neighborhood that were definitely like the rougher kids and they would choose who were they going to pick on.

My brother, my older brother, got it a few times from him.

I think that's kind of what made me a little bit of a psycho when I was in my 20s because I would see my brother, not that my brother, I wouldn't say my brother was bullied per

as matter of course, but these kids would sometimes, it would be his turn to get it from them.

And I would see it.

And there's something to watching your older brother go through something like that.

And it put something in me that I was like, that is not fucking happening to me.

Nuclear option, word one.

And that stuck with me.

So somebody would start to do something for me.

And I would just fucking,

you think I came in here with a fucking Vim and Vigor?

Like somebody would say like the slightest thing and I would just go nuclear.

I would explode.

Really?

To over powder keg.

A powder keg.

All red-faced and shit.

Yeah, immediately.

But it worked because people aren't expecting that.

Even bullies aren't expecting

that kind of like, holy fuck, what's going on right now?

And I had to do that.

I did that a lot of my life.

And that carried into my 20s, how he would always say, like, I would fuck instead.

What's that?

You right?

Yeah, I've just got to get this.

Oh, it's pretty nice.

All right.

Yeah, no, yeah.

We had bullies growing up, but, you know, luckily they focused their attention.

Usually, I just was kind of blended into the background.

Yeah.

I was totally unnoticeable.

It's a way to be.

Yeah, yeah.

It is.

If you go through life unnoticed, you know, I know that a lot of people are like, well, I want to be noticed.

You know, like, that's devastating.

You know, like, they do everything in their power to get noticed.

Even take a beating?

No, I mean, you know what I mean?

Like, you know, they'll die, you know, from dying hair to, like, they just need to

stand out.

They need to be unique and different.

Which, I mean, everybody's different.

I'm not saying, I'm not coming down on it.

I'm just saying.

but I definitely was somebody who enjoyed just blending into the background and

not even knowing anybody even noticing I was there or not.

Not even girls?

Well,

that wasn't that cool.

No.

Yeah.

All I ever cared about was girls liked me.

That was it.

I got bullied when I was much younger, like probably eight or nine.

Like there were a couple of kids that were like, they seemed so much older at the time, but they were probably like 12.

Yeah.

You know, and then one time,

I'm sure you remember him, Chucky Moore.

Well,

I was probably in seventh grade walking in the hallway.

You may have been with me.

I don't even remember.

I remember this.

Over you there?

No, I know this joke.

Billiards is coming up.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

So this guy, Chucky Moore, who like, I'm in seventh grade, he probably was at that point in 10th grade.

And

he was a psycho kind of guy, too.

And so he's walking.

He's got his hands in in his pockets.

And for some reason, I'm like playing a little pocket pool there, son.

I've never been struck so fast in my life.

Oh, yeah.

So he's smacking the shit out of me.

Thankfully, there was a teacher there.

And then I had to depend on my friend's older brother to step in on my behalf because this guy was going to fucking kill me.

Really?

Yeah.

I didn't really make any remarks after that.

That was my plan.

I mean, I never carried it on once it was over.

It was over, but that was always my thing.

But he had every right to do it.

Of course.

You were an asshole.

Punk asshole.

But even though you weren't, it was like.

I show up to school.

I'm like, I'm a seventh grader.

Hey, what are you playing with your balls?

You're an asshole.

Yeah, but today it wouldn't bother anybody if you did it.

Like, as a kid, it would, but like, now I'd be, yeah, I'm playing with my balls.

What do you want from me?

What else am I going to do?

It feels good.

It feels good.

Q.

Yeah.

You predicted something.

If I can pull it up here.

Is this about video cassettes and us going to Vegas?

No.

So this is the second thing I predicted.

This is the second thing I predicted.

Or at least mentioned.

Let's see.

I'll give you.

This is thanks to Nikki Bronco.

This is something that you said a long time ago.

Why is it not?

It needs...

It just needs...

Here we go.

It needs a fucking virus.

It just needs a virus or something to wipe out like fucking 80% of the population.

Why?

This world really needs.

So that was, I think, a couple years ago now.

Got what I asked for.

2018, 2017.

Yeah, Bill Burr has a bit about that too, where he's just like, basically, 80% of people need to be just wiped out.

Seeing it in practice,

I could change my position.

Yeah, I don't want to see anybody getting hurt.

Oh,

right before I came, Mary Beth told me that her grandfather and his girlfriend have COVID, and the girlfriend's in

the hospital now.

How old are the grandfather and girlfriend?

The Grandfather's 80, and I think the grandmother's, I mean, the girlfriend's probably roughly the same age.

Jesus.

And he was one of those guys, unfortunately, that was like, it's a hoax perpetrated by the liberal media.

Well, that's an age, though, where you can't fucking take a chance on it being a hoax, though.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like that advanced age.

They didn't give a shit, though.

You saw him at the wedding.

Oh, they were there?

Yeah, that was that real old dude and the old lady.

It was grandfather.

Great.

He fucking loved it, man.

He loved that wedding.

Oh, is you guys going to go see him?

I don't know.

He's COVID.

I don't want to fucking catch that shit.

He was great.

You're going to go.

I'm not going to go see him.

Yeah, fuck that.

He lives all the way up in Ohio.

You know how long it would take me to get there?

By the time I got there, he'd probably be better.

I don't know, man.

Do you think at that age, if you were his age and you were like, I don't know, like, I could die tomorrow anyway.

So, what am I going to spend the potential the last year of my life

locked up indoors?

I don't know.

I would.

I know me.

Yeah, there's not much that, what can an 80-year-old man do anyway?

Where can he go?

He's got a girlfriend.

Got some blue chew and fucking up.

He's in business.

You know, yeah, I'm surprised that

you would think that there's people who are like, I'm old anyway, so I don't care what happens.

I mean, that seems, I don't know if that's the mindset.

Do you think you'll care more as you get older?

You'll be even more careful.

About COVID?

Well, about anything.

I'm fucking hoping that this shit's over by

the time you're 80.

I really hope that it's the spikes.

Have you seen the spikes?

Yeah, but there's like so much good news about

the serums and the vaccines and everything.

It's like 95%

efficiency or effectively.

You have to get two of them, I read somewhere.

Two of them a month apart.

Yeah.

And then it goes.

You don't have to wear a mask anymore?

I don't take medication, but they are going to force me to take this because they're going to make it so I can't go into places unless you prove that you got the vaccines, I think.

That's what our government is for.

So they're going to look at us to do shit.

It's going to be like the mouse in the,

what's that called?

In the maze?

The maze?

Because you're going to go places where doors are going to be shut to you unless you can prove you got the vaccines.

I think that's what they're going to do.

You're going to need your papers.

Yeah, I believe so.

Documentation.

If I want to go see the Devil's Play, they may be like, well, have you been vaccinated?

I have.

My little brother hasn't.

You might be right.

Like, you get a special card, but then they would like, people would dupe them.

Oh,

I think it's gonna be hard.

Believe me, they fucking know that there's fucking people who are gonna try to dupe it and try to get around it, and they're gonna make

figured out.

What do you care?

Let me in.

Everybody in there's got the fucking vaccine.

I can't get anybody sick.

Let me in.

Oh, I think they're, I think that's

the mentality.

That's the mentality of the people who don't want to get the vaccine, though.

They're going to be like, just let me in.

But there's going to be so many people like that that they're going to have to do something to

have a, you know, they won't force you to get it, but they're going to make it so, well, you can't do things with with everybody else though if you don't have this uh you know have this vaccine in your history but why if you can't get people to give a stronger as to kind of edge you push you a little bit closer to doing what's best for society right it's it's it's like the same as a motorcycle helmet yes right seat belts yep yep they're gonna do everything in their power to get all the fucking

um hardheads out there to be like, oh, fuck, I guess I got to get it then if I want to go to work.

Well, there's no personal sense of freedom.

Like, how much do you give up?

You know, like, right now it's the mask shit.

And for any asshole who's listening and then wants to jump on Reddit and say, he's a fucking kind of jerk off the wood and wear a mask.

It's like, no, I don't like wearing masks.

I don't think anybody does.

I don't like wearing masks.

And I wouldn't continue to if I didn't need to.

Right now I do it because I have to.

But I mean, at a certain point, people are going to, if this, this shit doesn't work, people are going to be like, well, that's not.

Do you think that was time politically?

Dropping that like a couple days later?

After the election?

I don't know.

It's possible.

I didn't think of that.

I think it's very possible, but I don't think they would come out and say it's 95% effective unless they were fucking pretty damn sure.

Yeah.

And you got to think, like, it's a vaccination.

If somebody was like, hey, come up with a vaccination, I'd be like, all right, where do I fucking start?

But these guys, like, from March until now, that's pretty quick, really.

Oh, my God.

It's a precedent.

Yeah, they're saying it's like, it's like more of an accomplishment than when we got to the moment.

So we're going to be like, does that vaccine really exist?

Yeah, but they said it's starting out, rolling out in Tennessee.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

So our friend Maximo will be able to.

Oh, the guinea pigs.

Tennessee, great.

See what happens.

Rhode Island was one.

Great, great.

Rhode Island's another junk.

All right, great, great.

Oh, that's right, Chuck.

Chuck and good.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's to say, I'll force him to show me his vaccine.

I've got to show you his documents

before he can come down and film anything with us.

Yeah, so so hopefully, your fingers crossed, man, because like

if you had said back when it's when this first started, it's going to be a year, and people would be like, oh my God, no, like we won't be able to survive a year.

But if it's just a year, I think we'll be look back and be like, man, it could have been fucking way worse.

It could be fucking worse.

If we're lucky, it was only a year.

But that's only if this all works out, though.

Which there is no guarantees, I guess, that it'll work out.

No, I mean, you could have fallen at 5%, even if it does work.

And then you're talking about trying to.

Okay, you're a reasonable person who...

Me?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Who wants to...

That's my highest compliment.

I'll pay you tonight.

But you're a reasonable person.

So you're going to be like, okay, I'm going to go.

I'm going to get the vaccine.

I'll go a month later.

I'm going to still look nervous.

I'm leery of it, but I know they're going to make it.

Let's say Maxwell survives.

Yeah.

He doesn't die.

At a certain point, you're like, okay, I'll get it.

But do you know how many, I mean, just take a walk around the streets of New York.

How the fuck are they going to get all these nuts and drug addicts

to take this shit?

And that's just New York City.

Yeah.

Now take L.A., take fucking Milwaukee, take any number of big cities.

And you're like, how are we going to corral all these people?

Well, when they come in for their other treatments, though, they'll be like, well, if you want to get further treatment, you're going to have to agree and sign off on getting

this vaccination, though.

There's ways that they're going to be able to like.

See, you're being too reasonable.

You can't talk to a psychotic like that.

If you want your methadone, you're going to have to.

You You don't think they're going to

do everything

in their power to make it so they close

to make sure that the majority of the population, as many as possible, are given the vaccine?

It's an interesting thing.

You know, I never thought of that before.

Like, people who are dependent on the state.

Let's say what an EBT or whatever the food stamps program was.

If the government was like, well, you can't keep getting food stamps unless you take this virus.

I would be shocked if they went that route immediately because that would be very

taking it.

You're really fucking sticking the screws to the people.

So you don't have to.

How would you like to not eat?

But are you sticking the screws to them or are you getting them vaccinated?

Well, I think PR-wise, yes.

But I think PR-wise, that's the last fucking thing.

Oh, I'm not advocating for it.

I'm saying that this is the first I thought of that.

I'm just thinking of proposing it.

No, I think they'll try to do it.

They'll go other avenues at first to try to make sure.

But yeah, at a certain point, I think everything's on the table to bring people

to bend them, the ones who needed to be bended

to getting it, though.

I think they're going to have to.

I think we could see immediately, we know the writing's on the wall.

People are like, fuck that.

I mean, look, you are.

Fuck that.

It's not like I don't get it.

You are injecting an unknown thing inside of you at the behest of the government.

I get the fucking trepidation at that completely.

My daughter,

it was a little touch and go there for a while.

First time that she's had some friends get it.

And she was in a car with them

for a whole day.

And

she got the test, came back negative.

No possible way she's wearing a mask, right?

The whole time.

She wears a mask constantly.

Even in the car with her friends?

That's all I see.

I don't know.

That's all I see.

But she's pretty good.

She's got a massive group.

She's pretty good at keeping the mask on.

So when she got the word that, like, you know, that her friends tested and she was with them, you know, relatively recently, we took her to get tested.

And, um

you know that that feeling of like that uh nervousness of like you know how you feel how you feel and she's like i feel fine but like you're constantly like well like you know

wondering if she's going to show any signs of uh well she's also like a wisp of a thing like frail so it's you figure it could affect her more than

yeah but you know thankfully you know she got the test it came back negative but then i was wondering you know did you give it to me yeah but i felt fine too that's what lead me to believe i really think i had it already isn't it weird?

Then you get the test and they say you didn't.

I was like, well, they said the antibodies, you know, three months, right?

You go, no, they go, like they become hard to read almost immediately after you've beaten COVID.

I saw an article about that.

And you were in November?

No, I was in December.

December?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got it in January, right before the cruise.

You remember I was still sick on the cruise?

I got sick, really sick after the cruise.

When the movie opened, I was supposed to go on a promotional tour, and I was at the airport, and the room was spinning, and I had to go back home.

Murray looks healthy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just, like I said, I hope by March, though, that, you know,

it's a thing that we're looking in the rearview mirror.

March is pretty close.

Remember 2020?

How fucking shitty it was?

I think March is a little close.

I think that's a little optimistic.

Yeah.

No, no, I don't mean that it's over, but like they're like

distributing vaccines like flowing.

It's not fucking like it's like

shit.

You know, like it's everywhere.

It's not just in a couple of states.

RH branded

COVID-19.

Could you call it like, what are they calling

the COVID cure?

That's a new beer.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wouldn't probably go down that one.

I think I'll stick with the four-colored demons, non-alcoholic brew.

The COVID cure.

Maybe in five years I can get that off the ground.

You can't cash in on it?

I don't think I want to.

What is the buffer when you can start to cash in

on COVID?

Well, people

are cashing in now, right?

Aren't people making masks in their backyard and shit like that?

Didn't you show me a picture of

this Indian factory where they were making the masks and they were just all over the floor and shit like that?

Oh, yeah.

Well, is that cashing in?

It's crazy.

It's a definition of cashing in.

You're filling a need, though.

No, no, no.

They sell a mask to James Island Bob's.

This is why he's so defensive.

Yeah, that's that is.

I hate the break to see it cashing in, but at least.

I'm pretty sure it's a Gilden mask.

At least

it's not made by some guy in India who's just throwing it on the floor.

Well, do you think the masks that you buy in Five Below are not made in a foreign country?

I don't buy masks in Five Below.

Okay, but a lot of people do, though.

Yeah, I mean, I just get the ones that I have are just like the N95 certified ones.

Right.

And Some people can't, you know, those are the more higher-end ones, right?

Not at this point, not really.

Not at this point.

Yeah, at first they were like they were the sweet spot to get, you know, if you knew somebody in emergency services,

you know, if you happen to.

I mean, look, could the government be lying to me about all of this?

Sure, but I can't live life that way.

I just got to go with what I got, what I got.

We got an ad?

No, no, we got a second ad one.

We got an ad this week, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, I wanted to ask you guys, though,

did your candidate win?

Is Joe Biden the president?

I still can't tell.

Is he the president?

I think he's going to be.

Yeah, I think it's still counting votes and shit?

Because

I don't really know.

He's the president.

That's what I thought.

Yeah.

President-elect.

He'll be the president.

Yeah.

He'll be the president.

Without a doubt.

Yeah.

All right.

My candidate won.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it wasn't Biden or Trump.

It was marijuana.

Oh, yeah.

How'd you feel about that, Cenica?

It's not a done deal yet, as I'll tell you in a moment.

I just hope that it stops there.

Well,

because

then you're going to like, once you open the door for Mary Jane,

then all her friends come too.

Yeah, yeah.

I agree with you on this.

I think you're right about that because Oregon, who had

legalized weed, and they also legalized every other drug in small amounts.

Like you can have a little heroin or a little cocaine or a little crack.

You just can't have too much.

I'm not sure what the

anybody ever said that like crack does anything.

I'm the crack success story

other than my pillow guy.

He was doing an ad where he fucking said former crack addict.

If he said it once in the ad, he said it like 15 times in this ad where he was selling a book about his life.

But

what on earth does crack do?

other than destroy your life?

It makes you feel good for what I understand like five seconds.

Isn't that like

Giddam probably knows better, but I understand the high is like five to seven seconds, and then you're like, I got to smoke more crack.

And that's why people are always fiending and always like going and buying.

No, no, no.

The only crack story that I've been told from someone who had done it, remember the

blank her name, Alexis, who worked at the office all those years?

Oh, yeah.

She said she accidentally smoked crack.

She thought it was a marijuana.

Oh, my God.

She smoked crack, and she was like, I was, she said, I sat down in the hallway and I was glued to the floor for hours, was the way she said it.

She didn't make it sound like a positive.

Yeah, she was in college.

They're doing crack in college.

Well, somebody was.

You just know.

What are you going to do?

She didn't want to, but she did.

I mean, she didn't want to.

She thought it was someone else.

So does Mary Jane.

She opened the door to Mary Jane.

There's always the possibility, though, when you fucking, when you take, when you think you're, you shouldn't be doing the Mary Jane.

I agree.

You know what?

I agree with you 100%.

Why shouldn't she be doing the Mary Jane?

Because you're not there to fucking...

You're not there to fucking.

are.

You're there to live.

You're there to experience life.

And if that's part of it, then it's part of it.

If you want that to be a part of your life, you should be allowed that.

As a fucking adult, you should be allowed to decide if it's legal, I guess, in the fucking state.

I want to smoke weed.

Like, I just want to smoke weed.

Well, it's legal now.

But why do you want the government to tell you, like, okay, now it's okay?

Like, as a person, I know you don't think it's okay just because it was passed.

Just because it's legal, you're not going to be like, oh, okay.

Hey, girls, I bought you a quarter ounce.

I know that's that's not going to happen.

Because I think that

once it's legal, it's like alcohol.

I think it's horrible for society.

But it's legal.

So, I mean,

how much more?

I mean, what's the point of me being like,

you shouldn't be out there getting your buzz on or your

beer goggles on, you know?

Your beer goggles.

Come on, man.

Ugly chicks need to get fucked too.

And ugly guys.

Don't forget the ugly guys.

But I mean.

That's true.

Yeah.

There's a lot.

There's probably a lot of listeners who smoke, right?

Who are listening to this, right?

I got to imagine.

Yeah.

No, I don't want to come down on them.

I mean,

I'm sure that they just do it to max and relax, right?

I guess.

Yeah.

That's how they take the edge off.

Right.

What is he doing?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see this fucking guy.

I just wish that, like, if I could give the world.

That was actually pretty funny.

What the fuck is he doing?

But if I had the ability to give everybody on the planet a gift, I would give them the gift of

never having the need to want to

falter your senses.

Oh, I'd love that gift.

Yeah.

That would be a great gift.

To never having the need to do it.

Yeah, because you'd be a happy person, probably.

Right?

Because you wouldn't feel like, oh, I need to, because really, like, if I smoke, or I mean, I rarely, rarely drink, almost never,

it's only because I'm like, I just want to unwind.

I just, I can't take it right now.

So I just will smoke a little and then I'll get in a better mood and I'll watch a TV show or something like that.

But it's better, I think, than like, you know, I have Zanix and shit.

I don't take that.

I don't do anything.

I'm fucking boring.

I got boring, man.

You got married, bro.

Yeah.

I guess that's it.

You're an old married man.

Look at me.

You're off the market.

You're fucking, you know, you're living life life like the

all us married guys.

You don't think it was going to happen to me.

You put it in your nine to five at work.

You come home.

Oh, wait a minute.

No, you're not.

No, no, no.

Don't forget I'm unencumbered.

Here are the onsets.

So if you're going to inject your cocaine, the onset is 10 to 15 seconds.

Yeah, wasn't that what?

Inject cocaine?

Yeah, like you liquefy it, kind of like heroin, I suppose.

Yeah, that's like a speedball.

Wow.

How do you do it?

I don't.

Or you're saying, like, how the fuck could you do it?

How could you?

No, no, no.

I mean, I've had two experiences with cocaine in my entire life.

Never have I heard injecting it is an option.

You would have done it?

No.

I would not have done it.

What I've heard,

the best way to do it is off someone's ass.

Or tits, right?

Yeah, that's the way I've heard.

That's the most, that's the ideal way to, if you're going to engage in it.

Fuck yeah.

I don't think I'll ever do Coke because I would be like, remember Len Bias?

Yeah, he was a basketball player.

He was a basketball player in the 80s, and he did it once and had a heart attack.

And ever since then, I was like, I don't know, I don't want to be the guy who's like, oh my God, I should have never done that.

I did it once.

Yeah.

I did it once, and it was fucking awesome.

Yeah, I remember you saying, like, you're like, I can't do this anymore.

Because, like, I'll never do this again.

It felt too good.

And I stuck to that.

Really?

Yeah.

I stuck to that.

Wow.

It was good.

It was awesome.

It was too good to be true.

I couldn't chase that feeling for the rest of my life because I would be like, that would be a fucking issue.

Because I felt like Superman.

Every sense lit up.

Like, I felt like I was shooting fire from my fingers.

It sounds like the complete opposite of how it used to be for me.

I was like sleepy Superman.

It was awesome.

In the moment, I was like, I'll never do this again.

I can never do this again.

Because it felt so good.

Yeah.

That's some discipline.

It is.

I know myself that That's the money to do it.

Even now, I remember how it felt, and I was like, oh, to have that feeling.

You'd be like Tony Montana and shit that they pile on your desk.

Dude, I felt like I could do any task you put in front of me and succeed.

Yeah.

It was awesome.

It's like

Adderall, except like high-octane Adderall.

Yeah, fun.

Yeah.

And that was that.

Well, if you inject a Q, it's going to last about 5 to 15 minutes.

If you snort it, the onset is 1 to 3 minutes, and the high is going to last 15 to 30 minutes.

Smoking crack, the onset is 10 to 15 seconds, and the high lasts for 5 to 15 minutes.

I guess if your crack is more pure, it's going to last a little longer.

But even at that, let's say you're a crackhead.

So now you have to smoke crack four times an hour, say

20 bucks.

I don't know.

How much does a rock a crack

cost?

I don't know.

Maybe, let's say $20.

So now you're talking 80 bucks an hour.

Oh, no, wait, you're talking 20 bucks an hour for as long as you're up.

No.

20 times 4.

Okay, so that can't be 20 bucks then.

That seems too expensive.

I don't know.

However much it is, you got to do it four times an hour.

Yeah, it just sounds like

a bad thing.

It's too much.

Yeah, it's just too much.

And also, by the way, you can't accomplish everything.

And you shouldn't feel that way.

Right.

You shouldn't walk around the earth feeling that way.

It's just, it's not no good.

Street price of crack.

Oh, street price per pill.

I'm just going to come back to to the bottom.

So, what's the plan in New Jersey?

Is it just going to be available at like, you know, a drug fair?

No, what they do.

Walgreens and CVS?

What they do is they set up dispensaries and they're highly guarded.

Like, if it's anything like L.A.

or Washington or whatever, it's like you go in there, there's a locked door, you show your license, you fill out some paperwork, and then you go in, you look around, you buy what you want, and then you leave.

And how much are you allowed to buy at one point at one time now?

I think in Jersey, they said it was going to be like

six or eight ounces.

I can't remember.

That would be.

That's a lot, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, eight ounces is like half a pound.

Fuck, man.

Yeah, you can have quite a bit.

And it's going to, you know, they say it'll bring millions or millions and millions into

the tax base.

We'll never fucking see any of it.

But what about

it?

What about the

long-term effects, though?

Of weed?

Yeah.

I don't know.

They don't mention that.

I mean, people are doing it anyway.

It seems like everybody does it, right?

Six ounces.

I know so many people who don't, though.

You know, I yeah, but you think they're going to be turned around by the family?

Oh, no, no.

Right.

Yeah.

But I worry about.

Doesn't it make it less cool if it's legal?

No.

I think if people...

I don't think people are doing it because they want to be cool.

I mean, kids, like, it's less dangerous.

It's less attractive.

Well, are kids going to be allowed to buy it?

No.

I'm sure.

18.

18.

And you got a lot.

There's stiff, stiff penalties.

Like if, say, I buy it and then I go out and give it to some kid on the street, like, because he gave me money.

Yeah, I just hope that there isn't like 20 years from now, we're not like, oh, fuck, we should have never did that.

You know, you don't have to.

I think it's less dangerous than alcohol.

You know, in terms of

domestic violence,

drinking and driving, I think, probably is like alcohol is worse than weed, but you're right.

Like, you're adding something else to the mix.

You're not like, okay, no more alcohol, but you're going to have weed.

And they're looking to add even more.

They may lower the penalties for having magic mushrooms.

Now, there's something I can be like, I do think it's weird, though, that

something that God

put on the planet,

it's illegal for you to have in your possession.

Well, it's weed.

They alter it, though.

I thought weed.

You pick it right off the plant, and that's it.

You got to smoke it, whereas mushrooms you just eat it.

Oh, okay.

They don't do, they don't like it, they don't cook it

or put chemicals on it.

I think the roar the better, right?

Yeah, yeah, no, they don't do any of that shit.

It's literally the bud from the plant picked off and smoked.

Yeah, they're like regular farms, and then like when it's harvesting time, you get a bunch of people that go out and they pick the buds off.

But I like you can go into food town and buy a can of mushrooms.

But if you were to go

and grow your own

mushrooms that

the magic mushrooms, you would be in big trouble.

It's crazy that it's illegal.

I agree with that.

I don't know, say if it's crazy, it's just weird when you think about it, though.

I guess because they're so

a plant.

Is it a plant?

A mushroom?

Yeah, isn't it a plant?

A fungus.

A fungus is a mushroom.

They're banning a fungus.

I would never even do it anyway.

I don't know how anybody could eat.

You know what a how a mushroom grows, right?

They grow on shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Lots of stuff is, right?

What else is?

Fertilizer.

Fertilizer.

Yeah, everything.

Yeah, but I'm not eating fertilizer.

No, you're not eating fertilizer.

Well, you're not eating shit either.

Well, a fucking mushroom was covered with shit at one point.

You have a fertilizer.

Why, who shit on it?

I don't know.

Whatever they use to grow those.

I mean, I guess it's, it would be what makes what those magic mushrooms grow?

What kind of animals' feces?

I don't think they exclusively grow on

maybe a cow.

Shit, right?

You need shit for it to fucking happen.

If there was no feces, there'd be no mushrooms.

I don't know about that.

I don't know.

I know I got a clip for the week.

Oh, come here, get him.

Oh, here we go.

1248 in the house.

The racetrack needs to be.

Shush!

Don't talk about it fucking halfway across the room.

Oh, you want to come down here on a weekend.

I stop by.

The way Walt dresses him down, there's customers in the store.

Walt's like, what the fuck?

You're not cursing.

There's something I didn't even do.

Not cursing, but the scolding.

Really?

Oh, it's awesome.

It's so funny.

Especially when I didn't do it.

Do you feel humiliated in that moment?

Or you just roll off your back?

No, I know because I know why he's not yelling at the person whose fault it is.

Because you can't take it?

Yeah.

But we used to sell the manure from the racetrack to mushroom farmers.

Horse manure, Don.

Yeah, but only what's mixed in with straw.

So what they do is they place it in these, they pile it in these big

long mounds and they turn it up occasionally because you have to get the internal temperature up to like 160 from the decomposition to kill off any other spores or

bacteria or anything.

Okay.

And then they place it in like wood beds in these buildings or sometimes old mines.

And you're aware of this.

How come the cops weren't aware of this?

What do you mean the cops?

Bust it.

I'm talking about these are for like production mushrooms.

Like if you're eating mushrooms like on your pizza, that's how.

Oh, so any mushrooms.

Yeah.

Did you know that?

You didn't know how mushrooms were formed?

I see mushrooms in my backyard.

They're on the ground.

They're on trees and shit.

Because the fucking chipmunks and squirrels

over your yard.

Are you happy?

I don't think so.

They can grow in other ways, but the best way is manure.

But what's the first part of that sentence?

They can grow in other ways.

They can grow in other ways.

You need feces, right?

No, are we talking about just magic mushrooms or mushrooms in general?

Because I have mushrooms all over my yard.

This is how the mushroom farmers would grow their mushrooms.

They would pay us to take the

manure away with the.

But they're not growing magic mushrooms.

They weren't growing microshrugs.

How do you know?

How do you know?

You're right, I don't.

Right.

I hate that fucking like.

You call them over.

Hey, 148, you know.

Back me up.

The second there's dissent, it's like, get the fuck out of here.

I would think the first time someone at a supermarket all of a sudden starts tripping balls because the porcini mushrooms they bought were

laced with magic mushrooms.

I think they might have an idea.

But the most harmless, bland mushrooms that

you could eat a pound of them and you wouldn't even have a scary dream.

No.

Those are still.

You need crap to make those.

It's the best substrate for it.

It's the best.

Yes.

Hold on.

You're really.

I did have someone who...

I've heard it, but I don't know if it's the only way.

It's the best.

Yeah.

I had someone who was growing magic mushrooms get a five-gallon bucket of horse manure off me once.

Now, did the track know that they

now is this illegal for them to sell this?

How much do you get for horse shit?

Staggeringly.

It was cheaper.

They would pay you, even if it's anything.

Anything they pay you is better than you having to pay to dispose of it.

So they would come with their own trucks, take it, and everything else like that.

What a racket.

Disgusting.

It was.

Oh, the smell.

Holy shit.

No, it's not that bad.

Because once the heat builds up, it kills that odor-causing bacteria.

And it really doesn't smell that bad at all.

Hot horse shit.

It hits you.

It does hit you.

That humidity hits you.

I had a girlfriend who went to Rutgers and she used to work in this pig farm, and it was

like a pig enclosure.

I never smelled anything so awful in my life.

It was in her hair and shit.

Oh, it was so gross.

But to go back to me

coming down on 148 on the weekend,

the fucking, you don't understand.

It's a constant barrage of stupidity and ineptness.

Of like,

a customer fucking brings two tray paperbacks up to the front and goes,

This is what it was.

This is what it was.

These two paperbacks are not in, are weren't wrapped.

So what do you think?

What would you do if you were 148?

So a customer comes up and is like, hey, because we wrap all our tray paperbacks so they don't get bent.

People taking them off the gondola and putting them off in the gondola.

Customer comes up with these two uh paperbacks and is like hey just want to let you know these two weren't in bags he doesn't want to buy them he's just alerting us to the fact that they're okay unbagged what would you do oh well thank you very much take them from them i'd wrap them put them back on the shelf right what would you do same thing what did you do get them because some of our trade paperbacks aren't in bags if they're new i brought you back two bags and i was like the customer said that these didn't have bags so it was easier that okay yeah they need bags put to put them in the bags or no they don't need bags put them back up on the do it this week.

You didn't answer.

I walked back, I got two bags, and I walked back here with the two, with the two trade paperbacks and the two bags.

Okay, and I told them that a customer came up and said that these weren't in bags.

Yeah,

so I.

What did I say?

You started.

Fucking put them in bags.

You did say that.

Fucking put them in bags.

Why are you telling me?

Why do you need to fucking tell me that these were not bags?

Because

some of the trade paperbacks aren't bagged.

The newest.

What would be the fucking harm if those were in bags too?

Then

Then why are they in the racks, not in paper bags?

Because they haven't been moved to gondolas yet.

But what?

Do you really think we'd be out two fucking comic book bags if you had just been like, you know what, and been proactive?

Instead of running back here and fucking throwing them on the table to me and be like, put these in bags.

You can't fucking put them in bags?

I would have put them in.

I just wanted to see why they weren't in bags.

If there was a reason they weren't in bags.

Were they new books?

I don't know.

They weren't.

They weren't.

They weren't.

What you should have did was just fucking bagged them and not fucking even informed me about it.

So the problem was that you put them on the gondola without bags.

Or a customer took it out of the bag and put it to read them and put it back on.

Right.

I think the question is, and get them, I like to be on your side as much as possible, but how come a customer knew that they should be in bags,

but you didn't.

And how come you don't fucking know what came in this week?

You worked here for how many years and you cannot fucking identify what is new and what is fucking old.

Because the load comes in on Tuesday when it's my day off.

Well, you're here on Wednesday.

You can look at the fucking invoice and see, oh, these are the trades that came in this week.

All right, just keep going.

You're too fucking lazy.

He hides the invoice.

You know, he hides it.

Who's he?

Mike.

I could find it right now.

Because you asked me, where's the invoice that we got from the order yesterday?

And nobody could find it.

Remember?

I could find it right now, though.

Or you could go online.

You get it emailed to you.

You can go on your phone and be like, oh, that was it.

Or I could just ask the person who I know has the most knowledge, and it's just you.

Oh.

Again, though, I'm fucking.

Oh, what a customer, asshole.

What with the customer you were sitting back here

with Brian?

No, I wasn't.

I was talking to somebody else.

I was talking to a customer right over here.

No, you were sitting right there.

It was Ming that was over here.

No, now it's Meg, so it wasn't a customer.

But there was still a customer over there, and I was talking to about another book.

And you come over, throw them on there.

Don't even say anything at first, just throw them under my nose.

You even said I said something.

And I said yes, you did.

I go, what?

A customer said these weren't in bags.

And I had the two bags and I had the conics.

Yes, that's exactly what he did.

A customer said these weren't in bags and just showed them to me like a fucking moron.

Like a half wig.

Who's the half wit that put them up on the shelf?

Again, we don't know how they got up there, but it doesn't matter.

We don't know how they got up, but it's got to be Gen's fault.

No, the question.

No, no, I never blamed you for that.

I never once said it was your fault they weren't up there.

It isn't your fault.

But the very fact is you cannot take the fucking

horns.

I got the bags.

I was asking you a question.

Were these phones that aren't, that they're not that belong up on the shelf or do they?

Book on the fucking invoice.

Do you understand what Walt's saying?

He's like, don't bother me with this shit.

He doesn't want to be bothered with that kind of stuff.

And you're smart enough that you can just be like, hey, you know what?

I'll tackle this myself.

I know you can do it.

Look,

we have all these trades that are in bags.

So the fact that they weren't in bags, so I don't know whether they go off on the shelf or they go back over there into this.

What would be the harm?

Eventually they're going to make their way to the gondola on Tuesday.

It was Saturday.

What would be the harm in that book being in a bag for fucking three extra days?

Again, it's also the fact of where do they go on the thing.

So should they not be in the cases over there?

She immediately go to the gondolas?

Ming wasn't even here when I was here.

This is a totally different argument than I saw.

The one that I saw was you didn't restock them.

No, no, no, no, no, no, it's so true.

No, no, no.

Am I shutting this off too early?

No, it was because

someone takes the comics out of the boxes and puts them straight underneath the things.

Yes, which is not me.

But he was the guy that was putting them up because me and Mike were doing the order.

So I said to get them.

And this is the first time I've ever said this to him because I know it's beyond him.

But this time I was like, you know what?

It's not fucking doing anything but fucking staring at his fucking computer.

So I said, get out here and fucking put these books in bags and put them on the gondolas where they belong.

Then on Saturday, I get here and I'm fucking restocking some books and I see all these books that aren't on the gondolas.

And I said, did you fucking not put these on the gondolas?

I did.

And I did put them in the gondolas.

But there were some books that were mysteriously were not on the gondolas

that were under the gondolas.

Not the ones I, and then you were like, where's the invoice?

We couldn't find the invoice.

We could go to your phone.

Oh, shit.

You can go to the phone.

I don't, it's a different invoice.

It's not this.

No, it's not.

It's the Thursday invoice.

It's the Thursday invoice.

But this is why when you're like, oh, you were so hard on him.

You were so fucking mean to him.

Who I said that?

Yeah.

Oh, no, I think it's funny.

That's when I said you got to come down.

You were digging under there.

you were digging under there and you were finding trade paperbacks that I hadn't even touched.

I'm sorry.

It's bullshit.

We don't even, you don't know that for a fact.

No, no, because I did touch them.

Because I went under there and there was a bunch that weren't in bags.

So I took the initiative and I put them in bags and I just stacked them back there where they were.

Instead of looking to see if they were needed to be on the floor.

Because I put the ones that you told me to stock up on the shelves on the shelves.

He doesn't want to have to tell you everything.

That's his point.

At this point, it's been this, how many years?

How many years?

Three?

I feel like it's, it feels like fucking 15.

Aren't you going to retire soon?

That's when we do the thing where you write down the comics, you write down the trades it's hold, and then you check.

Yeah, but that's not what this argument's about.

This argument's about the bag, just putting two bags on comics.

Right, instead of running back here to me and just throwing them at me, like, here, put these in bags.

I didn't say that.

I said a customer came up and said these weren't in bags.

With no other explanation.

No other explanation.

That's all he says to me: a customer said these weren't in bags.

Okay.

That's it.

That's the keeper.

True and raw emotion.

I was questioning why they were.

I was questioning.

You're right.

I probably was thinking way too much and I didn't express it enough.

Oh, yeah, you're probably thinking too much.

Yes.

I didn't verbalize.

I was so fucking.

Yeah, that doesn't seem to be the issue, thinking too much.

Yeah, it really isn't about overthinking.

But get him, you hear this.

Like, do you take this forward?

No.

Oh, so like next week he'll be like, here's a bag in a comic.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Not at all.

Not a chance on the planet.

No, no.

Because a chance that a customer is going to come up with some more unbagged comics should be next to nothing because all these comics should be bagged.

I think what he's talking about in the grand scheme of things, when really pedestrian, simplistic issues arise, you should have the wherewithal to fucking handle them.

I did, I did.

Without having to run to me and be like, what do I do?

I was wondering if they were new this week and that's they belonged on the they belonged over there versus over here.

You're right.

I apologize for not explaining it enough to you, but it just made sense in my head.

Does ViewSkew have a human resources?

Yes, they blocked my phone.

The interaction is unnecessary.

That particular interaction is what you're getting at, I assume.

What do you mean?

That he should be proactive enough to be like, I'm not going to just hand him the bag of stuff.

But you should know he doesn't.

You should know Walt doesn't want that.

You should just put it in the bag and be like, if I do this, he may never know and he won't yell at me.

I still would have known where they went.

You know how much that bag costs?

Two cents?

I brought the bags over so that the comics could go in the bags if they needed them.

But

what would have been the harm?

What would have been the harm, though, if you put them in a bag on your own?

There would have been no harm.

And

again, I brought over the bags.

It's not like I was like, like, hiding it in my pocket or something like that.

I brought over the bags and the comics because it was weird.

And I was like, a customer came up and said that these two comics weren't bagged.

And

my initial response was, well, does he want to buy them?

And he's not going to buy them because they're not bagged?

Then fucking put them in a bag, asshole.

He's more on top of this shit than you did him in.

I asked the guy, and he's like, no, I didn't want them.

I did ask you, right?

I said, does he want to do that?

Yes, and I and I and I.

And then I went up and asked the guy because he was up at the front counter and he didn't want them.

This is all the time.

This is all the time.

This is all the time.

All day, every day.

It is.

It really is.

No, it's not.

That is.

It could be like this all day, but I just choose to be like, I can't do it.

I can't even, I can't even muster the energy to have a sentence.

So I just don't even have a sentence.

Oh, it's a sentence, all right.

It's a lot of sentences.

Honeymoon's over.

Oh, here we go.

Yeah, it's over.

Honeymoon's over.

How long do you think it lasted?

Honeymoon?

You're pro-get him for a little while.

We dropped the ball.

We should have had a documentary crew on his birthday.

Every month, Chuck should have came here once a month and did this.

Fuck, we screwed up.

I'd say a month.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then, like, what have I done to myself?

Because I would see the

he's really not willing to do anything without being told.

Very little.

That's unfair to say he doesn't do anything without being told, but

there is a very

just for everybody at home, Walt's eyes are closed.

I've been for some time defeated.

You really have to tell him at all times.

It's just maddening, though.

And then that's what gets you.

Sometimes it gets to you because you're like, he fucking has the balls to profess he has this fucking high intelligence.

And you've got to tell him to fucking do something so simple.

It is maddening at times.

Maybe if he didn't, if he had just come out and said, you know,

I'm an invalid, you know, but instead of fucking, instead of fucking professing that you're the fucking smartest man in New Jersey, you know, that becomes maddening then when you have to deal with that, and then you're not fucking capable of making simple decisions.

Yeah, under Operation Bootstrap.

Oh, man.

And think about it.

Like, and

you,

I mean, if you had hired someone

that was the exact opposite, how much easier would your life be, do you think?

Easier?

Possibly.

Better.

I don't know.

I know.

That's interesting, I bet.

Yeah.

This is great for our show.

Yeah, yeah.

We need this.

But, you know, he's helped in other ways.

He's definitely, he's been more of a benefit than a detriment.

But it's times like that, though.

It's times like that, though, where, like I'm fucking having a conversation with somebody, and he's like, a customer said these two aren't bagged.

And you look at him for a second and you're like, what?

A customer said these weren't bagged.

And I'm like, and I explode.

And I'm like, well, fucking bag them then.

And he's not kidding.

Right in front of the customer.

This is so fucking funny.

Do you want to try Chase?

Can we make this positive?

Like, what does he do?

Can you want to say some nice?

Stuff he does well?

Yeah.

You get him.

You want to come here for this, bud?

He's good at sitting on that stool.

No, no, this never fits.

Fuck guide this, because I want you to say something nice to him after he's.

Oh, okay.

This is like couple stars.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, let's pick this up from the positive.

He's reliable.

Okay.

That's great.

That's important.

He's very reliable.

He's going to be here.

Like, if his arm got fucking severed off by a fucking angry horse at the farm on his way before coming here, I think he'd show up bloody stump and all.

That's great.

Yeah, he's dependable.

Okay, now say something nice to me about me.

Fucking do do it.

Into the mic so everybody can hear it.

I admire and look up to your impressive comic knowledge and

the running of the story.

That's not really a personal thing, though.

You need like a personal thing.

That's

like backhand of comic comic.

Yeah, like I'm impressed that you're not.

Give me a human trait about him that you like.

Not that he fucking knows a lot about bullshit that nobody cares about.

He's a reasonable man.

He cares about that, huh?

Yeah.

I know it too.

I know more about fucking Marvel and D.C.

history than I do about the United States, but I'm honest with myself.

I know.

I rely on his knowledge.

Okay, give me another thing.

I said it before, he's a reasonable man.

No, no, don't give him any hits.

Look at that.

Well, that's why he can't take it.

He can't do it.

Well, no,

the one that I was using, now I got shot down with it.

No, no, no.

Thank you.

There's only one?

Thank you.

The one that I was thinking about.

It's only one.

Again, the one that I was thinking of.

Why, you think I have to think about it?

Let's go back to Wolf.

Let's go back to Wolf.

Can you give me another nice thing?

Yes, I can.

One to zero so far.

He has been extremely helpful and extremely

what's the word, like gung-ho.

And whenever I need him to do something on the tom Steve Dave side of the ball, team player.

Yeah,

I can count on him.

No questions asked in terms of like, well, are you up for doing this?

And I appreciate that.

I appreciate that very, very much.

And his,

like I said, his ability to be like,

I'm here for you to do whatever you need me to do, I'm here for it.

And he's helped out immensely.

Amazing.

That's solid.

Am I allowed to say humor and good witness?

This can't be knowledge-based.

Sure,

but I want you to frame it whatever it is and how it affects you.

You can't.

Like, how does this say humor and good wit, and this is how you enjoy it?

It brings a smile to my face.

Hearing him laugh.

All right, this is nice.

This is nice.

I'm trying.

So, so draw it out for me.

Tell me about it.

Is this hard for you because of your condition?

I don't know.

Sounds like it.

Yes, it is.

Just put it together.

Send it together.

Just give me what you just told me.

Like I said, I admire his comedy and his jovialness, and his laughter brings a smile to my face.

Yes, that's great.

Doesn't that make you feel good?

Well,

sure.

Why not?

I felt like you dragged it out of him, though.

I think the words don't come naturally to him, but I think he really feels it.

Now, get him, is this, is it possible?

I don't want to give him any excuses, but the bag and board thing, is that like an Aspersiers thing or whatever autism thing?

Like you don't know

that's improper to interrupt a conversation with another customer?

Or anybody.

Or just hold off for a second.

I could wait, right?

Did you think that imperative, like it needed to be addressed?

Like it was like the front of the store, like someone had crashed through the store in the car.

The amount of like the franticness in your voice and the friendship.

Perhaps I

perceive the urgency in which the customer gave it to me.

Again,

it seemed very strange that there were trade paperbacks.

He drew the line of calling 911.

Carol blocks me.

Let me ask you something again.

Like, how do you feel your life would be if Walt hadn't taken you on his wing and brought you in the store?

It's tough to say.

I mean, I'd

probably still

might still be at the tracker.

I would have gotten fired.

Who knows?

I might have gotten fired.

Yeah, like what, what, if you weren't working at the horse farm, what would you tackle next?

Because you've had menial jobs.

I'd probably get locked into the bank vault.

I'd probably still be at the track.

I thought that guy hated you and he wanted you out.

He would have been gone by now.

But then after all.

I thought we're all feeling a little more kindly towards that gentleman.

Then, like, a couple weeks after I left the track, he left the track.

He left.

So you'd go get your job back.

And then another guy, the guy who took over was a little more

reasonable.

Yeah,

yeah.

So you'd be fine if Walt hadn't extended his hand.

I didn't, I don't, it's tough to say with what the future holds.

But now you are fine.

Yeah.

Just because Walt took you in.

Yes.

Under his wing.

That's the thing.

You're right.

He begrudgingly shoving bags and boards in his face.

It doesn't come out of him.

The gratitude.

It doesn't.

I see what you're saying.

No, it is, but it's, I mean, I can't say it's

like,

like, honestly, it's the fire.

It's, yeah.

It's, I wouldn't have, I would have probably been home then.

Oh, so if you'd have, if I didn't give you a job, you would have

no, you would have been able to save me.

I'm probably dead.

I probably wouldn't be sleeping.

I'm sure you hold me somehow responsible.

Oh, you're not a grudge.

No, no.

It's.

Get him.

Go back to your sales.

You don't have the words.

I thought I was helping you out, buddy.

It's clear I'm not.

No, I'm not blaming you for the fire.

I'm just saying is it's.

It is my fault.

I feel bad.

Get him.

Go back to your sales.

It's all right, buddy.

There's infinite probabilities.

So I, you know,

I don't know.

So why bother saying that?

You might have have been asleep when the fire started.

He brings out the thing: like, if not for you, yeah.

No,

like, like, like, it's either count of you or delve into philosophy about the multiverse.

And that's that's what he chooses to do.

It's fucking crazy.

It's the biggest thing on my mind lately.

Okay.

All right, buddy.

I'm sorry.

No, I mean, again, I'm not saying I'm not thankful for everything

that's happened to me since then.

Sure.

But to say.

You're definitely not saying you are thankful.

I'm just saying is that this is.

You either can't or won't.

Yeah, it's weird.

It is, it is something.

It is something,

but you know how you feel.

You know, right?

You know, you know, deep down how you feel about Walt.

You wouldn't go get a fucking bird out of the guy's oven.

If oh my god, it's not like he does it like with like without fucking being fucking like, come on, man.

Well, I'm a true.

He's yelling at you.

I gotta, I gotta put my foot down and be like, come on, man, fucking come over here and come get this bird.

I'm trying to

what a world.

What's this?

This is going on.

What's the thing?

It's like the Is Walt your closest friend?

I wasn't.

He's a close friend.

I'm not sure if he's my closest.

Because I don't want to insult anybody else.

He's worried about insulting somebody who's not going to hear this.

Oh, my God.

That was the best stammer ever.

You got to respect him.

I got him.

Did you you ever see Soldier with

Kurt Russell?

I mean, when it first came out.

There's that scene where there's like that little.

The kiddo doesn't really speak or anything else like that.

And he's about to get attacked by a snake.

And Kurt Russell waits for the last second to kill the snake.

And then later on, Kurt Russell's not around, and the kid kills the snake on his own.

So that's kind of what it is.

With Walt, it's like, I would wish I could help him get over that fear of birds so that he could handle this task on his own you know, and take the next step.

So,

his bird is your bagging board.

Walt wants you to be able to handle a bagging board without assistance, and you want Walt to be able to handle the fucking bird that flies into his flu.

If it does, yeah, like and I'm not around.

I, you know, I'd like for him to be able to.

You know, he's never going to do that, though.

Walt is never going to try to get a bird out of his flu, right?

You know what?

I would think, though, that like he would be like,

yes, I'll come over and get that bird out without fucking giving you a hard time.

Yeah, but it's, it's, it hasn't been the case, though, shockingly.

I don't think he's capable.

I think it's beyond what

I want to, I don't want to say gratitude, but uh,

what's a synonym for gratitude?

What's a nice way of saying gratitude?

No, not gratitude.

Uh,

um,

I don't know.

He's emotionally stunted.

Are you?

Do you feel you are?

Uh,

maybe.

I don't.

Well, you see how other people are.

He can't answer a question, huh?

He just,

like,

when you're dealing with other people on an emotional level, do you feel that

would you think your past girlfriends would say that you're emotionally

giving?

I think I've said before that, yeah, they've said I'm not there sometimes.

Yeah, so I think it's, yeah.

I think you're more worried about like finding, like, poning people being right on the internet.

yeah you're really still into the pwning you take so much like pride and so much effort and so much of your life your your your um

your meaning on this planet is like trying to prove

trying to prove strangers wrong

i find it yeah i find that you're like if you could just get over that and find some meaning in other things, it might be more beneficial to you than just trying to constantly fucking be right on the internet.

Yeah, like stay off the internet and just like pwn Mike.

You know?

That should go smoothly.

That won't go well.

That won't go well.

Do you feel you know yourself?

In the sense of.

Just how people are self-aware and they know themselves well and they have a good reading of their internal metrics and like how they are.

They're blind spots.

I mean, know yourself.

Do you think you know yourself?

I know I have faults, but some of them

it's so tough to get over and like to.

Walt reminds me, Daly.

Yeah, to fight that,

you know, to fight that

irrational,

you know, the irrationality of it sometimes.

Yeah.

There's no trap.

I'm just asking.

I'm curious.

I'm just curious because as I get older, I know myself more, and I'm just wondering what

your take on that process is.

Well, for so long, it's like you

see yourself as like, okay, this is the way the world is.

But that's not the way the world is to get them.

Or to Walter to you.

So it's like you really have to take time and sit back and be like, all right, how am I perceived?

How do I feel about myself?

Like, that's such a tricky

question.

I just wonder if you've ever put thought to it.

Are you introspective?

Do you find yourself ever

you know,

you're very curious about other things in this world, and you make the time to investigate and to learn about them.

But do you ever get introspective about

you, the person?

Are you the man?

In what sense?

Just how I'm asking you.

In any sense.

In any sense.

Do you ever.

It's not about picking out your flaws, buddy.

I mean, overall.

I'm not talking about it in a way that

you have to pick yourself apart.

I'm just saying.

But the look on your face is like I asked you to design a spacecraft.

That's consternation.

It doesn't.

It doesn't compute.

Yeah, there's not.

Got you.

Things aren't lining up.

It's,

that's why I'm trying to like flesh out exactly what you're asking.

Do you know how you feel about yourself?

Your opinion about yourself.

Very simple.

Put very simply, do you like yourself?

I think.

Where I am.

Not your predicament or where you are in terms of your living quarters or anything.

But he has a very high opinion of you.

Yeah, do you like being get him?

I don't know.

He was saying he didn't like himself.

Yeah.

oh i i don't believe that i can i just hear it sometimes and i could just hear the conversation the way he talks to other people but maybe this is a breakthrough for you maybe you're you've got to come to realize he doesn't like himself you don't like yourself no it's i i i wish i could be better in what ways i

i i wish i could be in a good relationship and you know don't F him up as much as I seem to do.

Do you think about the things that prevent you from being in a good relationship?

I.

You don't have to list them.

I'm just wondering if you think about them.

I almost think it's like a wall that I just can't identify what it is.

Oh, okay.

That's interesting.

You know,

without having someone to point it out and.

Well, luckily for you.

You would benefit from therapy, you think?

Oh,

I think so.

Yeah.

You have health insurance.

Why don't you do it?

Yeah, why don't you get into it?

I don't know if I, but my insurance covers with that.

But so what?

So then take some of the the money that you have and fucking make your life better, though.

Like there are you'll always have an excuse.

Oh, I don't, it's not covered.

I won't do it.

Oh, I can't do that because of A or B.

It's not covered anyway.

Probably.

At least partially.

Like make some

strides to do things differently.

Because I think you're a good person, kid him.

Like I like you.

I think I'm good.

I like them too.

Are you crying?

Oh, dude.

Okay.

Jesus.

Yeah, like I think you're a good person.

I like you.

That upsets me to think that you don't like yourself.

Because there's a lot to like.

There's not a lot of you around.

No, I don't think I've ever met anybody like Giddam before.

Yeah.

And that's something.

For good or bad.

For better or for worse.

Yeah.

But put the fucking things in the bag.

Yeah.

Quit bothering Walt.

The guy's got a lot on his shoulders.

He's got to fucking come back here and do that.

I did.

I put the bag.

I put it.

Okay.

All right.

All right, Gill.

I'm sorry.

I know every episode is turning into like me studying you, but I just, worry about the subject.

I do.

I worry about them.

I do.

I spend a lot of time thinking about them.

Thank you.

Well, thanks for opening up, bud.

I appreciate it.

I'm sure the audience appreciates.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

More get them, the better, they say.

One thing I'm not right at.

I think he was really tearing up.

I don't think so.

No.

He's like, I'm smarter than all you ask.

Oh, yeah.

Explain me.

Explain me.

I got fucking

heartfelt hell.

Wow, we got psychiatric on that one.

Well, you know what?

It started out this episode.

It started out with you being very introspective, saying that you're on the cusp of a midlife crisis.

Yeah, I might be edging into it.

And, you know, and then we find out that there's somebody actually in the throes.

of a midlife crisis and maybe Gidimus and he doesn't even realize it.

We just call that a life crisis.

I look forward to hanging out with you during your crisis.

See where it goes.

Yeah, the problem is like I'm also, I also have a, and although it hasn't reared it head its head in quite a while but i also have a self-destructive streak that's true so if these depressive if these two meet it's not going to be good which is why i'm trying to stay on top of it see i feel like my my if i were to say like okay i'm leaning into a midlife crisis it has nothing to do with like stuff outside like Like you would think I'd have a young wife.

I'm going to go get a fucking challenger as a car.

That's the very stereotypical.

And people would look at that and say, like,

midlife crisis.

But no, for for me, it's all inside.

Yeah.

I think

all the time, like, just dying.

Dying all the time now.

I don't know why, but I'm just like, well,

what if, what, what if I were to die in like a week and I ain't doing any of the shit that I wanted to do?

Yeah.

I don't know what shit that is.

I got to figure that out.

Yeah, I mean, well, that's the thing.

I mean, you have to figure out what it is that you want to do.

Yeah.

Whether it be, you know, very simple things or you get them crossed off.

You know what I've been doing?

Rather easily.

I'm almost ashamed to admit this because I'm pretty sure I shat on it years ago.

But to get into like a Zen headspace where I don't think about anything, I color with pencils in coloring books.

I got like horror coloring books.

Really?

Yeah.

Like adult coloring books.

And I just, because that sounds like something your mom would do.

Yeah.

You definitely shit on this at some point.

Oh, I definitely did.

Yeah.

I was like, what kind of retard would you

at like five o'clock in the morning?

You're that guy.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, that's how I feel about Lego.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just like, I'm not an artist.

I'll never be able to draw any of that shit.

If I can stay inside the lines.

Do you blend the colors?

I do.

I started the first time.

I'd like to start blending, too.

I'll bring it in next week.

Have you been hiding this?

I'd love to hear it.

No, no, no.

I just started.

Oh, yeah.

I just started probably like three weeks ago.

I really want to see these.

And how much this time do you spend on these

illustrations?

These nine hours a day.

No.

A lot of times I'll get up at like five in the morning, so I'll do it for a little while, like maybe 45 minutes an hour, something like that.

And I'll like watch TV because it's like a lot of TVs lined up right there.

I've been watching Mandalorian.

And I got colored pencils, not crayons.

I'm not that fucking far gone.

Is there a difference?

Well, I hate to pretend there is.

That's what I'm saying.

Do you have like if you're coloring with crayons, does it feel weirder than if you're coloring with pencils?

It does.

Like

I think it's like crayons, color pencils, then charcoal.

It goes in that order.

And I'm like, I wonder if I could paint.

Because painting, I don't have to be real good at like,

you're an awesome artist, like drawing shit.

I'll never be able to do that ever.

But maybe I could paint stuff with texture and shit.

Like stuff like Jackson Pollock stuff.

I'll just throw paint on a fucking.

Oh, you mean like abstract shit?

Yeah.

Like what Chris Ledanta does?

Yeah, I could probably do that, right?

I mean,

I think like abstract art is definitely something that I think is within everybody's

realm of

capabilities, though.

And somebody would be like, wow, what a piece of shit.

Another person would be like, what a fucking genius.

Oh, yeah.

Look how raw it is.

Yeah, look at it.

Look how intense.

Oh, my God.

Brian Johnson is the deepest.

Yeah.

I didn't know he had an artist in him.

He bared his soul.

Yeah, it all started out with crayons.

Boys.

What an episode it's been.

I feel personally we've been on a fucking hell of a roll lately.

I dare.

Because I've been walking away from every episode being like, man, that was fun.

Yeah.

I agree.

I came in feeling down, not that great.

Yeah.

And then

because I fucking came in here skipping.

Yeah.

You brought the energy, man.

It's what we do.

We're a team.

Yeah, you brought the thunder.

You want me to say Tom C.

Dick?

I sure do.

I'm waiting for something witty.

I know.

I wish I should.

There's so many points during Genham.

I'm like, I wish she said it.

I wish she should.

I will say, though, and Walt, you were sneaky.

You went

on a podcast.

Did you?

Did I?

Yeah, it was like, I don't know, like a month ago.

I saw something about it online.

Like somebody interviewed you for a podcast.

I've only went on one, and that was

way, way, way

early on in the pandemic, like in the March.

Isn't Chuck doing a series on Tom Steve Dave?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wouldn't count that one, though, because

that's, no, I'm not counting that because that's within Tom David.

Yeah, no, yeah.

It was.

Has he done everybody but me?

What am I doing?

He wants to do you.

Oh my God.

You're not the most successful.

You're the fucking.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

I've heard about it already about countless times.

I would love to do Q.

Yeah.

Oh, I'd love to.

I do.

He's talking about interview.

There's your witty thing, motherfucker.

Oh, Tom C.

Dave.

Sorry.