#436: Overkill Junior

Got somewhere to be?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hurry up.

Yeah, I was taking a bath like Lady Chatterley.

Either way, I'm a victim.

Yeah.

Let's be clear.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with old Walt the Chili Bones Flanagan.

Hello.

Are you that cold?

Very cold.

Yeah.

I think you might have the virus, the coronavirus.

And Q's here too.

Hey, Q.

Hey, what's going on?

Yeah, what's going on?

You might be ill.

No, I'm fine.

You look fine.

Conserve body heat.

Is that what you do?

Yeah.

Store it for when I need it.

It's fucking 10 degrees outside.

What are you storing it for?

It's like 60 degrees outside.

Nice.

Nice.

Walt told me yesterday that neither he nor Frank 5 can get the coronavirus.

Never backed it up with any kind of information, though.

I believe him, though.

No, I just feel I saw a news report that said that they think the coronavirus was here in America a lot earlier than they originally thought.

It could have been here prior to Christmas.

And I was sick before Christmas when we did the

Christmas show in November.

Yeah.

And I gave it to Frank when he came down because he was part of the Christmas show.

And all the symptoms that me and Frank had match up identically to what Corona is.

And now I feel that

most likely we are immune to it now at this point.

You can't catch it the second time?

No.

It's like the chicken pox.

Are you sure of that?

Or are you just spreading misinformation?

This could be fake news.

But look, like I had a dry cough.

I've never had a dry cough in my life.

In my life, never had a dry cough.

And that's the big thing.

That's the big thing is dry.

That's the big thing is a dry cough.

And I couldn't stop coughing for

almost two weeks, and so much so that I was very alarmed about it.

Not because of the corona, because I was like, What is wrong?

Why can't I

kick this cough?

You didn't spread it to anyone.

Just Frank, evidently.

Just Frank.

Yeah, we were in close quarters.

We were doing Lost in Space Rewind, and we got a little too close.

We invaded each other's space too closely.

We did a Dr.

Smith young Will Robinson scene.

Oh, boy.

Oh, dear.

Oh, young Sweden.

But he should be thanking me now, though, because now he has nothing to worry about.

He gave it to his wife.

Right.

Okay.

She's not with us anymore.

Mrs.

Five got it.

So I believe that the Fives are going to be, they have nothing to worry about with the Corona.

Oh, it makes me happy to hear.

Yeah.

All right.

Dr.

Flanagan says.

Well, I went to this.

Could be

an overkill topic, I think.

It's been a while since we did an overkill.

I haven't done an overkill in some time.

Is there enough paranormal news out there anymore?

Why don't you just make it an overkill episode then?

Well, we got other shit to do.

Why?

Do you have other overkill stuff?

Well, I thought this was going to be worthy of carrying the whole episode.

Oh, it was 50 straight minutes of me staying in a hotel room.

I don't think so.

No, this one was the Night of the Jokers premiere.

I got a room in New York because I know how

Hollywood parties, and I didn't want to feel left out.

So I figured it would be safe, right?

And I'm getting ready in the room, the hotel room, and it's one of those, like, you know, when you go to a hotel and the fucking tub backs up, it's not draining properly, you know, or tub at home.

You were taking a bath.

Yeah, I was taking a bath like Lady Chatterly.

No, motherfucker, I was taking a shower.

I was taking a shower and it's still filling up, you know.

Okay.

And I'm complaining to Mary Beth.

I'm like, I fucking hate this shit.

Like, something's always going wrong with something.

And this is yet another fucking, And it's like, it's backing up with other people's water, you know, like whatever the fuck the last person took a shower, that shit's still, that shit's coming up.

So I'm going to show you a picture of it.

You think this is going to work?

I do.

I tested it out.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I tested it out.

Yeah.

Maybe breaking a TV screen in less than 10 seconds.

But Gidam has set it up.

He said that this shit is going to work.

You want to take odds?

You want to take a bet?

I don't know.

Do you trust the men walking around in elf slippers or not?

Let's see.

Oh, it worked.

That is disgusting.

So I get out of the shower.

That is disgusting.

Because I'm irritated as hell.

It wasn't this high, though.

It was like maybe this high.

Like just going up to my ankles and I'm like, is this fucking gross?

I got to get the fuck out.

I'm out of the tub for

five minutes and all this shit starts bubbling up.

I don't know what it is, but it looks like the fucking ring, doesn't it?

Like when Samara or whatever her name was comes up out of the house.

Okay, so that's your that's how this makes this overkill because it looks like the ring.

Oh, okay.

I thought there was more.

There's more.

Patience, you know,

patience.

Got somewhere to be?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hurry up.

I thought I got a coat on.

So I'm like, what the fuck?

I go to call the,

I try to call the desk.

Oh, you know, the desk, the front desk.

The phone doesn't work.

I go to the other phone.

That phone doesn't work.

Now, this looks like the ring.

The phones aren't working.

I'm like, what the fuck is going on here?

I go down to

the front desk because now I got to tell them in person.

And they're like, all right, we'll give you another room.

And I didn't take my key with me.

I didn't take my room key with me.

So I go back to the elevators and I go to the, we're on the 11th floor.

and for some reason, punching 11, there's other people in the elevator.

11 won't work.

Like, it won't, like, it won't light up.

It won't let me go to 11.

So I go to 12, and then I walk back downstairs, and I go to the room.

And by this point, I'm like, this is weird, man.

It's almost like there's a conspiracy here.

There's this fucking weird shit.

There's

the elevator's not working.

And I'm like, and now this room doesn't look like my room.

So

I'm knocking on the door.

What's that?

Who should be in the room, Mary Beth?

Mary Beth.

So I'm knocking on the door, and nobody's answering.

And I'm like, what the fuck?

A fake floor?

Could have been.

So I'm pounding on the door.

Two-dimensional door.

I'm pounding on the door.

Close.

I'm like, is this my room?

Because I think it was like, it was like 11-17, but really it was like 17-11 or something like that.

So I fucked up.

Dyslexia.

I think that could have been it.

I think that could have been it.

But anyway, so I go, I try to go to the, to the, to the right room, and I'm like, what is going on?

Like, this does even this floor doesn't look like it.

And I don't have my key, so I'm like, what, what, what room was I?

So wait a minute.

So he's a doddering old man, but doesn't realize, but wants to blame it on the supernatural.

You're going to see.

You're going to miss some.

There's some foam facing

going on.

So I get back into an elevator, and this elevator doesn't look like the first one.

I'm like, hey!

There's something wrong with my tub.

Can you help me?

I get in and this.

Were you done bathing when this happened?

No, he's walking around the towel.

Oh, you're hurting.

I had it like on my head.

No, I mean, I wanted to take another shower after seeing that shit.

But only your ankles would have been dirty, though, right?

Ankles down?

Only ankles down, yeah.

You couldn't just suck it up.

Acceptable.

No, I don't know what the fuck that is.

I don't know.

You can't even find his room now.

There's nothing to suck up.

Well,

I get into the elevator, and um now the panel is like it looks like the other one only had 17 floors this one looks like it has 117 floors there's like all these buttons

and i'm like where am i there was a lady in the in the elevator with me and i just i would go where am i

she's like what and i said i i don't know where i am I was like, I was in a hotel and I don't think I'm in that.

I don't know where I am now.

You did this on purpose, Justin.

No, no, no.

I was legit crying.

This is legitimate.

Yeah.

Because with this, plus Mary Beth's not in the room, plus these fake floors and intermediate streets.

Were you spoiling weed, too?

So anyway, what I was saying.

My point being that she was like, well, where are you staying?

And I told her the hotel.

She goes, well, this is a totally different hotel.

And I'm like, how the fuck did I get into this hotel?

I said to her, I go, how did I get here?

And she's like, well, are you staying at this hotel?

I said, yeah.

It was the, I know, the park slope or it was the empire we're staying in, but it's attached to like the park avenue, something or other, whatever.

These hotels are clearly not as fancy as they sound.

No, look at that.

Not at all.

So

she then, she's like, well, here's how you get back to your hotel.

And I was like, do I have to go outside?

And she said, no, you can just go through this way.

And I was like, can you take me there?

So she walked walked me and it was like kind of far and i'm like how the did i get this far away from my room it was like i would say a good city block like half a block of walking you had to go walk outside no she took me through the hotel and then brought me back to my elevator and she goes get on this elevator and then you know then i know

so the hotels are connected they're connected somehow

but there was there was some lost time there though

don't you think that's paranormal?

That's what she says.

She says the whole thing took about two minutes.

I'm telling you, it was closer to 20.

She's back in the room.

I didn't even start to worry.

Of course not, because I'm out there fucking making it happen.

I'm banging on doors thinking she might be

happy.

If you had just got out of the tub, stuck your feet in the sink and just rinsed them.

Because that's what I'm paying for in a hotel, right?

But you could have saved yourself all this trouble, though.

I don't know.

So now, Mary Beth, who still needs to take a shower, is in a sink.

And we're just like, we don't know what it is or what it's doing to the air, but let's just leave it.

Did you get a new room?

Yeah, of course.

Why wouldn't I?

Well, it all worked out then.

No, it didn't.

It didn't work out.

I lost time.

She says two minutes.

I don't even know if she's in on it.

But there were people that were like, they were acting very strange around me.

That's the way I felt anyway.

They felt that you were acting strange around them.

Where am I?

What do you think?

You would stay in a hotel room like that?

No way.

There's no way.

I mean, if my shower was done, I don't think that would bother me, though.

I'd just like wait for it to go down, but I wouldn't like, you know, I wouldn't move heaven and earth to get out of there.

And then Deb's like, I'm going to take a bath.

And you're like, hop right in.

I would just be like, I probably would wait till we got home.

I go to take the bath.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't.

I'm going out that night.

Why am I inconvenienced by a fucking hotel that has this kind of shit going on?

What is in those pipes?

Bathing every day.

I mean, what am I American?

I know what's in those pipes.

What's bubbling up?

And we were on, like, yeah, the 11th floor or whatever.

My point is, though, take your hotel room key with you with the number written down.

Otherwise,

you could be a victim like me

of the hotel door when I leave with the number on it.

Do you?

Yeah.

I wish I thought of stuff like that.

I don't think of it, though.

I spend a lot of time in hotel rooms.

And then when we

and then when like every night's a different hotel for like two weeks straight, and you're like, what the fuck?

What, what?

So I just take a picture of the door and do it that way.

Do you feel like you

really like identify now with like the turn the page, that Metallica song that from all the horror traveling you do?

I think at points, I've been like, this this fucking turn-the-page song is genius.

I get everywhere, right?

And I'm a little removed from we don't tour as hard.

You know, we used to do 100 fucking dates a year, we don't do that anymore.

Um, so I'm a little bit removed from that.

Bob Seeger, it was Bob Seeger, Richard.

Talking is way better, way better,

yeah.

Um, and this I needed your uh, your opinion on

because

uh,

this is you mean, might need your specs for this, Walt.

I know.

Well, I know, that's a change machine, right?

This is Wawa over here in Red Bank.

I need your opinion on

if I deserve the treatment that I got.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

So, not that one.

So, that's a change machine.

So, there's the

register, right?

That's where the person's ringing the stuff up.

There's a change machine.

So, when

they ring it up and the change comes out, I take the change as anyone would.

Well, as it turns out, the way it's set up is that this guy,

that's his change thing.

This guy, it's all the way over here, hidden by this shit, right?

Okay.

So

you can see there's a chopper,

a smart chopper reaching into the proper change.

Is that what you're wearing right now?

Yeah.

You took this on the way over here.

So

their change thing, my change thing.

Right.

So I'm standing here doing business with this guy, conducting business with a dude who was here.

Yeah.

He rings in my bills.

The change comes out.

I go to take it and there's this fucking

lady,

this brick shithouse of a woman who looks at me and she goes, that's my change.

Am I exaggerating?

She was such a bitch about it.

Right.

And we're talking less than 99 cents here.

It was less than 99 cents.

It was, I mean, but she acted like I grabbed her ass.

Like, that's my ass.

Was it today?

Because today is International Woman's Day.

No, this was like three weeks ago.

But I don't want to let it go because she was so nasty.

And I just want to be like, I'm not the asshole in this situation, right?

Like, if you're standing here, and I even said to her, I go, okay, here you go.

Like, cause why would I realize that?

And even then, she acted like I wasn't immune to coronavirus.

Like, Walt here, like, I was giving her fucking tainted coins or something.

She finally took them.

She just dropped them on the floor.

She took them, and I go, you see why I might make that mistake, right?

Doesn't say anything, just fucking walks out.

No, why?

It's a problem with her.

It's a problem with her, but I got to tell you, man, I think I might be getting mistreated more and more.

Maybe I'm not commanding enough respect.

How do I do it?

Maybe,

I guess, wow.

Do you feel you command the respect when you walk around around town?

I don't know if I like ever think like that, though.

I don't think I ever walk around going, like,

well, who's disrespectful?

You deserve respect or tubs that, you know, drain properly.

I just don't, I just don't like, I don't, I'm not built like that where I'm always looking for disrespect, though, I feel, which may be happening here, I think.

Am I looking or does it just present itself?

Or just finds you.

Yeah, maybe that's it.

I think it's your perspective, though.

Either way, I'm a victim.

Yeah.

Let's be clear.

I think if you're, if you're,

I mean, you've had a chip on the shoulder, you cannot get it.

You cannot get it off.

You do.

It's been up there.

We're buried with it.

Yeah.

I mean, so I mean, you're, you're going to be prone to looking for disrespect

in all the places, all the wrong places, all the right places.

So you're always going to feel like it.

I think it is.

It's just, I just want you.

I'm not a little never having felt respected.

I mean,

yeah,

I see a man with a chip

can't let nothing go.

You know,

that's their curse with it.

It's like their fucking, it's their monkey on their back.

This happens to you, because I thought I reacted pretty calmly in this situation.

I didn't like yell or anything.

That's true.

I was also kind of high.

So that mellowness may have.

Yeah, like, why doesn't the highness work?

Why doesn't the highness

melt that chip?

I think it does.

It does?

Yeah.

In this situation, I was just like, this lady I was looking at are like, what the fuck, bitch?

but like are you crazy why would you talk to someone like that for making a mistake that is like clearly you did possible me and she was like this guy rang up her stuff at the same time like so our change was coming out at exactly the same time right it's not like it was ac and you like it was a slot machine like it was ramping

off yeah i'm like oh a jackpot that's mine yeah

I know a lot of people who smoke though and they always and a lot of them always make that claim make it mellows me out man calms me down and I'm like, I don't know if you're really calm to the people, all these people that are smoking all this weed.

They seem to be not as calm as they think they are.

What would you say?

But calmer in general.

Yeah, you got to come over here and talk into the mic.

Yeah.

It's not like she was in media arts for four fucking years.

Need to take a toque.

Yeah.

Where's my bomb?

Don't you sell water pipes here?

Yeah.

Yeah, but we don't sell the stuff that was in them.

Okay.

It makes you calmer in this.

Okay, this is strictly this incident.

It made you react more calmly towards this lady.

However, that was like four months ago.

No, it was not four months.

You're still carrying it around with us.

Yeah, you're still carrying it around.

So it's not working.

Because as soon as that haze wears off,

where is she?

Yeah,

you're right back into it.

So it's just a delay.

So what's it really doing then?

I don't know.

If I could delay it until I die, then it's all good, right?

But you have to be constantly in a fucking.

You can't do that.

I will say this.

We drove around last week and he came around with me to help promote the movie.

We were driving around theater, the theater and the crown vic with Sal.

And

you were smoking throughout the day, right?

And it was such a pleasant fucking day.

Like, there was no...

It was really fun.

Like, you were in a really good mood.

And like, you, I never looked at you and like, oh, this guy's fucking high.

Like, you were just, you just carried it.

Just take the edge off a little bit.

Yeah, you just carried it.

And I'm

been seeing a therapist

for three weeks now.

Oh, you didn't hear this?

No.

Oh, this is good.

This is a great update.

Yeah,

I'm on

mood stabilizers.

He started me out on mood stabilizer trying to build it up because I guess whatever chemical it is was like way too low.

That's it, you know?

And then he'll slowly introduce

an antidepressant and an antipsychotic so that way you know it'll be nice and even keeled i mean not even need to smoke and break doors and shit are you feeling the effects already of it i don't know what do you think too early uh less outbursts i would say

so it's getting there

do you not walk around and ever feel respected do you never get the opposite feeling where you're like oh that's nice that that person treated me nice sometimes usually if you're paying them.

Right.

You know, like, uh.

Well, you pay them to leave.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh, sometimes, but it always seems like people who like ants or something, they seem respectable.

But like everyday interactions, I just feel like people don't like me in general.

Like, I must rub them the wrong way, even though, like, all I'm doing is conducting a transaction just like you.

We're doing the exact same thing.

I reached over, got change that didn't belong to me.

It's not like the change was $400.

Like you said, it's less than a dollar.

That level of reaction, I'm just like, I don't understand it.

I just don't get it.

The usher?

The fucking usher at the Louis C.K.

show started with me.

So I forgot about that.

We went to see Louis C.K.

He's touring.

Where is he at?

He's allowed to tour.

People are going to see him after all this shit.

Packed house.

All that shit he said.

Wow, I'm surprised he's not.

What shit he said.

He was fucking non-Sicata Grada.

What's it called?

Persona non-grata.

Yeah, man.

He was fucking me too.

So what?

He shouldn't be allowed to fucking go back to a fucking going right back to his old normal life.

It's been two years at least now.

It's been two years.

And what did he do?

He jerked off in front of women who didn't leave.

Sorry, I don't know.

That doesn't seem to me like he should lose his livelihood forever.

Yeah.

I mean, why don't we just go on about the usher?

This fucking usher, though.

and not the good usher you know the one with the songs and stuff

but it's this this lady uh

again

you know

loosely but we go to see luisikay and um what was he playing it was the uh

new brunswick theater for the arts or something it's a state theater new state theater in new brunswick you know uh

it's a lot of seats probably yeah like 1500 something 1600 something like that so um

we got tickets that day I just happened to go on StubHub and see them, and I was like, oh, let's go up there.

I'd like to see Louis UK.

And there's an usher, an older woman, like probably early 60s or something.

And she's got these glasses.

They don't look like this.

They're like

reading glasses, but like

almost so like

defined, like this far fucking down on her nose, right?

Like falling off.

And there's this line of people, and you have your seat numbers and your rows.

It's just like going to the movies.

You're like, I know where to sit.

Evidently, that's not the rule with this lady.

You know, like, I go to walk by.

She's like, sir, sir, like, real nasty and shit.

I was like, yeah.

And she's like, you need an usher to help you find your seat.

I said, we can't just go find them ourselves.

And not even like an asshole, right?

And she's like, no, all nasty.

I said, all right.

So I waited.

I waited.

And the usher showed me.

I'm going to piss you because you're at a Louis C.K.

show.

She's like, you're supporting the fucking.

Could be.

Yeah.

She's like, he's going to jerk off in front of of me next.

I was like, I wouldn't worry if I were you.

But so then Mary Beth goes to get some snacks and shit.

She comes back and she's like, yeah, the lady was like, where's your ticket?

So I was like, fuck this bitch.

Wait, wait, wait.

I think I lost something.

Yeah, you went to the sky.

Oh, did I skip something?

What did I skip?

I went to go get snacks.

So you were in your seats.

He was in the seats.

So you got seats.

We got the seats.

Oh, shit.

Great.

I think that's what I was saying.

And I was right.

I'm like, if I can read a row number and a seat number.

You're F3, right?

Yeah.

So then you get up to Snacks.

Go get snacks.

Okay.

And you don't bring your ticket.

No, she did.

No, I have my ticket.

You did.

Oh.

And on her way back, the lady asks her for it again.

And she said, I've already been seated.

Yeah.

And I take my seat.

And then she just walks away.

And I'm like, this fucking lady is an asshole.

So I went up there and I'm like, because I had to go to the bathroom anyway.

And I know she's going to give a hard time.

So like, there's a line of like, what, like 10 people at any given moment.

So like I rush by them and like rush by her and I like, I know she's going to see me.

And she's like, sir, sir, sir.

And she's like yelling at me.

But I get here, but I'm like, fuck it.

I'm not going to stop.

Now he had planned to do this before he even went to the bathroom.

He's like, I'm just going to walk right by her.

Ignore her completely.

Plan succeeded.

Yeah.

And then another usher is like,

do you have a ticket?

And I go, of course I have a ticket.

How else would I get in?

And then he didn't say anything after that.

So I went and I sat down.

And then I had finished my soda and and I was like, I'm going to go.

No, no.

You're like, do you need another soda?

Do you need more candy?

Do you need more popcorn?

It's like, no.

I wanted to go to her again.

No.

Don't need to go back out there.

So I went anyway to get a drink.

And on the way back, I did it again.

And she's.

Now, is the show going on?

No, not yet.

Okay.

But again, line of like 10 people.

This is not something you forget.

She knows goddamn well I've been sat.

She already had the first interaction with you.

But now you're on her.

Then there's a second one.

Now here's a third one.

So

I walk by, same thing.

Sir, sir.

I go, what?

What?

And she's like, you need to be sat.

I go, you know, I sat down.

You know, I have a ticket.

I go, I'm not standing in that goddamn line every time.

And she's like, I'll have you thrown out.

I go, go right the fuck ahead.

And then walked away from her, went back down to my seat.

So then she comes down with some other manager guy,

called out the big guns.

And he's like, can I see your ticket?

And I was like, here you go.

They're like, Okay, we're sorry.

You know, it's a sold-out house.

I go, How would I get in here?

And do you really think I could just sit in if it's a sold-out house?

How can I sit in someone's seat?

Right.

And they apologized, and they walked away.

She apologized?

She didn't.

But she

did.

She whilst you were apologized to.

Right.

I received an apology in her presence.

And to me, that was good enough.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Yeah.

Did I do the right thing?

Yeah.

Thank you.

That was high.

Are you wearing a Valor tracksuit, too?

No, it's not Valore.

Save it up for a Velour one.

One day I hope to get a Valour track suit.

But again, just another example.

Oh, they're sweet, dude.

You're going to love them.

I'll get you one.

What size are you?

I really,

I think my body may be allergic to velour.

But if not allergic to whatever fucking fabric that came from, like some repurposed shoddy shit.

But another example of somebody giving me a hard time for no reason or being nasty for no reason.

I just think people

are given hard times, though.

It's just the way it is.

Sometimes if you can find the way to not let it affect you months later,

you'll probably be a happier person.

You can't carry that around, though, I would think.

I don't know how you can do it, Carol.

It would be a detriment of it.

I forgot about the usher until she brought it up.

No, I did forget.

In this moment, I would have forgotten.

I would definitely remember it later on.

Shit, I shouldn't have told him about that usher.

Do you think that the people who waited and were just seated like they were told to

have a story like this?

Or they're like, yeah, I just had to wait.

Maybe it's your flaunting of the rules.

You're bucking of the.

The establishment?

Yeah.

Well, I would agree with you if I just stormed past her the first time because I'm like, maybe they have a system.

I'm okay with that.

But knowing that I've already been in there, knowing that, like, why would you...

You're making my life more difficult and unpleasant.

You're like, you could just let me go by and not have to check a ticket that you fucking know goddamn well has been checked.

You know it, bitch.

So, why are you fucking giving me a hard time?

Fuck you.

But there's a system.

The system isn't you stand in line three times.

And if that's a system, fuck it.

I'm bringing it down.

I'm not standing in line three times like an asshole because some old bag is like, Sir,

fuck you, grandma.

You killed me.

No.

28 minutes.

Totally 28 minutes?

We got another story that doesn't come from me, but comes from

the camera brothers, Alex and

Victor.

I like that.

You guys want to come and tell this story that we just found out, Walt.

Q, you're going to love this.

I can't wait because I heard the top line of it, and I found it incredible.

I'm going to move this.

Fascinating.

Okay.

It's a story where you're just going to be like, how long have I known you and you're just telling us this now?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, lights going down.

Come on, Victor.

Calm down.

I can't wait to be on this podcast.

How was Louis C.K., by the way?

He was great.

Yeah.

He was great.

Did he address any of this stuff?

He did.

He was like,

anything you want to talk about?

And then he brought it up.

Yeah.

What was his

general angle on it?

That's an interesting thing.

Be careful

and triple check before

you do anything permission with people.

Yeah.

Yeah, but if people are going to, you know, you can't really check that though, can you?

I mean, he asked.

He did check.

He checked.

I don't know.

I mean, they're going.

I mean, if they're going to run to the media, they're going to say it.

They're going to say it.

So you better get married then do that.

Right?

You really got to get married.

No wife has ever turned on

a husband.

Those are the loyal ones.

What's that?

No wife has ever turned on a husband.

Oh, oh, I thought you've been turned on the other way.

I was like, wow, I think you're going to get a lot of hate for that.

I mean, yeah.

Alex, you want to lean in a little bit?

Yeah, that's good.

Did you send me this stuff, the spots?

I don't have them here.

Check out the gear over there, man.

I don't know what makes me happier.

The Patriots hat

or the four-color demon shirt.

Yeah, look at that.

Funchtable.com.

We'll just pop it in there, I suppose, whenever I get it.

So you guys, brothers,

Victor, how old are you?

I'm going to be 33.

33, and Alex, you're...

I'm 30.

30, a couple years younger.

This happened, what, a few years back?

This happened exactly on June 4th,

2012.

It was our dad's birthday.

It was our dad's birthday.

Your dad's birthday.

All right.

And

you were out celebrating with your dad?

No,

you want me to just get into the story?

Sure.

All right.

So I'll say my part and then I'll lead you in with yours.

So this happened on June 4th, 2012.

It was our dad's birthday.

We didn't really celebrate his birthday.

We just went out to get like bubble tea to kind of little celebration.

So you did celebrate?

No, it wasn't a big thing.

Not a big thing.

So we got, we were working that day.

My parents at that time had a restaurant in New Brunswick.

So we got home pretty late around, I would say it was like 10, 15 at night.

And

we always go in through the garage door through our, after we park the car, we use the garage door to get into the house.

So,

you know, regular routine, we take our shoes off.

Alex walks in.

He's the first one to go inside the house.

And I go towards the

garage door lock to bring down the gate.

And as the door is coming down,

we hear the door go back up.

So somebody broke the line of the laser line.

Yeah, the laser line.

I'm not going to believe who they thought it was at first.

And at first,

our pet cat, Pancha, at that time, had passed away like two years ago.

Well, not me, two weeks, sorry, two weeks.

So she always had the habit when we got home, she would just go cross that line.

Okay.

So then at the moment, I was like, oh, you know, it's her spirit doing that.

But in reality, when I look back, when I looked back to the door to see what it was, there were two men coming under the

garage gate.

I'm sorry, I'm kind of nervous now telling this story.

Wow, this is

pretty scary shit, man.

Should you be telling this, though?

Yeah, this happened a while ago.

Didn't one of the what isn't somebody still out in the loose?

Yeah, there is someone out there, but

are you not with me?

But I really don't mind telling the story unless they're a Tellum Steve Day fan.

Everybody's a Tellum Steve Day.

So you're not...

Let me...

So this is a private...

This isn't like.

This is your garage.

This is our garage.

This is our home.

Yes.

And these two dudes, and they make eye contact with you when they stay in the house.

When they come in, one of them had a...

had a shotgun.

Holy shit.

The other guy had a handgun.

Yeah, they were they were wearing ski masks.

So came in speaking Spanish asking at the right now.

I can't remember the name they used.

I know it was probably like Pablo or Julio or something like that, but honestly, I can't remember the name.

So everyone, we all raised our hands up and they're asking, you know, they're pointing the guns at everyone.

And the guy with the shotgun, he cocks it.

And they're asking for this person.

And I'm telling them in Spanish, no one lives here.

No one by that name lives here.

No one's here.

And they keep asking for this person.

They don't believe you.

Yeah, they don't, you know, they're not going to believe us.

So the guy with a shotgun points the gun to my mom's head and tells her to, to, you know, to go to, to go inside.

So, um, so they're not being, they're not even being like gentlemanly margarine.

No, they're not, they're not, they're not like, oh, sorry, wrong house.

Right, right.

So they, they go in the, they go inside the house.

And Alex, you want to tell your side of that part?

And then I'll go.

So I'm inside, and and

I was eating at the moment.

That's why I'm fat.

But I'm at the sink, and I just let

our dog out.

He's a German shepherd.

He's like a 150-pound dog.

I just let him outside.

He was outside.

Oh, that's bad.

And I locked the door as soon as I let him outside.

The only one who stood inside was our little tiny malifa.

So I hear the door open.

And I turn around.

I see my mom coming in, guy behind her with a shotgun to her head.

And then I look and I turn around.

I see it.

And he was like, come here.

So as soon as he said, come here, I don't know what got into me, but I got pissed off.

No shit, somebody's like, I just walked up to him and I just grabbed his shotgun.

I shoved him into the living room and I just snatched it off him.

Holy shit, that's awesome.

So as soon as I snatched him off.

So as soon as I snatched it off him, I was going to shoot him.

So I go pull the trigger and the trigger's broken.

So I go after him, but at the meantime, our little dog goes and bites him in the ankle.

So he runs to the garage store and I chase after him.

What's the other guy?

The other guy with a handgun?

The other guy.

Now I'll move to that part of the story.

So the guy that's the other guy with the handgun, he stood outside, pretty much pointing the gun at me and my dad, because me and my dad are in the garage.

And he's still asking for this person.

We're telling him no one lives there by that name.

And then we hear at the moment, I'm trying to, because the guy's looking all over the place.

So I'm trying to, trying to, you know, trying to look for that moment to try to grab the gun from him.

Yeah, right.

Just because your brother's a big shot.

You make your own moments.

And then, um, so then we hear a loud banging inside.

So, so this guy just slowly starts to lower the gun, and he has just by in his eyes, he takes his mask off, and then he just starts saying,

the person's thing we're looking for.

So, I didn't.

You take his mask off.

That would scare me the most.

I was like, Now I've seen his face.

So, once he brings it down, I take the gun out of his hand, and then the guy starts running.

And I point the the gun towards his back and I pull the trigger twice, but nothing happened.

So, um, so by that time, the other guy comes running out, you know, like the flash out of the, out of the, from inside the house.

So I run behind him.

And then by that time, I started working out more.

I started, you know, getting in better shape.

So I was able to catch up to him, grab him from behind, and I put him into a choke hold.

And then we kind of stumbled onto the grass.

And I'm holding the guy as tight as I can, not letting him go.

And the guy's like, almost, you know, he's out of breath.

He's, he's fucking screaming for me to let him go.

And then a little bit of everything kind of just, I kind of blacked out from most of it.

So then next thing I know is my parents come out.

My dad has a shotgun with him and starts beating the shit out of him on the legs.

And then Alex comes in and tells him what you do.

Well, I didn't finish when he ran to the garage door.

I hit him in the head with the shotgun, the handle of the shotgun.

So he opens the door and he's rushed.

That's when he goes outside.

So while we're stumbling on the floor, we're beating the shit out of him.

Like, we're great.

I'm punching him.

I'm like swinging so hard, I punched him in the face.

And I did that on purpose.

But we're punching everything.

And I used to work in the public works department, like

the month before.

And I used, and I bought a blade for the job.

So, and I carried it ever since.

I always had it in my pocket.

You have it now?

No.

So when we're on the floor,

I feel the blade

against my leg.

And I was like, oh shit, I have this still.

So I'll pull out the blade and I open it.

And my brother has him in the choco, so his stomach's like

exposed.

So I took my chance.

I opened a blade and I just stabbed him in the stomach.

And then

he turns around.

You had him subdued.

You have his weapons.

You had him subdued.

So he turns to the side and he exposes his back to me.

And I gave him another one.

How deep is the blade?

Like, what are we looking at?

Well, the cop told me I was two inches from his lung.

Okay, so the head was like probably palm size, right?

Gotcha.

Yeah, so legal size.

So I just stabbed him.

Wow.

And

yeah, and then I'm holding him.

You know, there's blood everywhere.

I'm covered in blood.

And then the guy comes, the other guy returns to try to help his buddy.

And I just remember he dropkicks my dad, but my dad got up and this guy just ran again because he already saw, you know, the condition his friend was in.

and I did not want to let this you know this this asshole go yeah and he's like begging God like oh when I you know come and help me and then I'm saying I'm just saying there is no God

bitch I'm the devil

there's only my parks department blame

yeah so you know I just kept telling him like God's not gonna help you tonight so and then I just kept choking him and then we call the cops

And then not too long, you know, probably maybe like maybe less than five minutes, the cops were there.

And then this guy, I feel like he's taking his last breath because he's

freaking

breathing really, you know, trying to take, you know, breathing really hard.

Besides that, I'm choking him and he's

stabbed.

And then, yeah, when the once the cops came, we were all bloodied.

You know,

everything is pretty.

The gut shotgun is like broken in half because my dad beat the shit out of his legs.

Jesus Christ.

Now, did you find when the cops got there?

Was it like, all right, let's separate all these Mexicans and figure out who the criminals are?

Did you immediately know?

Did they immediately know that you guys were the victims?

Yeah, they pretty much, I'm pretty sure they knew.

I mean, like, we were pretty much like, you know, in our socks, and you know, just in your socks.

Yeah, just in our socks.

And,

yeah, and then, you know, they told us everybody to get on the floor, you know, just to from all the confusion, just to know who it is, told us not to move.

And then this guy, you know, he's bloodied asking for help.

He's like, just take me.

And these are the fourth and fifth toughest guys in the four-colored units.

After us.

Another time I was disrespectful.

Some lady pumped at me.

Like a loud hurricane.

Wow.

So your

father is like both of my sons.

Yeah.

Are gun snatching bands.

That's crazy.

Man, one of them will stick a bitch.

Yeah, almost unwarranted.

I mean, some would say unfairly.

Did you get any trouble for this?

The cop was saying I was defending myself, so

wow.

Holy shit, that's crazy.

This guy, too.

I mean, is there more of that?

Because also I was going to tell him you also have went into like trances and seen ghosts, right?

Yeah.

Oh, this is an overkill episode.

Yeah.

I mean, this.

They got lost in a hotel?

I just want one more.

So the guns, neither guns will load.

Oh, just to mention, yeah, the handgun was a BB gun.

Okay.

And the shotgun had no shells in it.

It was real, but it just wasn't real.

It was real, but

I mean, the first thing that should have came into my mom, I mean, my mind was that he cocked it twice, and I should have seen shells come out after, you know, he did.

Yeah, yeah, you right, yeah.

What's really incredible is both of you thought they were real guns, and both of you pointed at them ready to kill them.

Why did your triggers?

Hey,

it was either me or them.

No, I get you.

I didn't think I did it.

What pissed me off was how scared my mom looked, and he just has the shotgun to her head.

Yeah, I didn't even think twice.

You know, they're always like, oh, comply, you know, go along with me.

Oh, no, it pissed me off, so I just walked up to him.

I didn't even think twice, I just walked up, snatched it.

Yeah, our mom took therapy for four years, but uh, us, we were pretty much okay.

We just tried to support her throughout the you know the time because it was very dramatizing.

Oh, god, yeah, they tried to put me into therapy, like they were like, Oh, shit, they were like, Oh,

you had a traumatic experience, they're like, You should seek therapy.

And I was like, I'm fine.

How'd your dad do?

Was he...

Yeah, he was fine.

He was fine.

So do you guys think it's just like

you're a man, you're going to snatch shotguns if you're a lady?

You're just a damsel in distress?

Yeah, that's the first line I used

when I was dating.

Man or damsel.

You know what I could do?

Yeah, man or damsel.

How do you react to?

Snatching shotguns?

You never know, so you're in that fucking position, you know?

You never know.

You're just like in shock or you shocker act.

What's it called?

Shocker act?

Yeah,

you just sit there.

I don't know.

I don't know what I would do.

I guess I would like to think I would

act.

Okay.

Oh, like fighting.

Yeah, because I would like to think so, but damn, you'd be like,

you know, it could be a real fucking shotgun, though.

And if you make the wrong move, you give you a gun.

If I can't wrestle it away from this guy who I have no real understanding of his physical prowess,

I know I haven't worked out in a little while.

Great story, man.

It's a great story.

It's crazy, right?

Whatever happened to the guys?

One of the guys, the one we ended up catching, he got 10 years in prison, and he was going to be deported.

The other guy.

Where was he from?

I think they were Dominican, right?

Both

Dominican.

The other guy, they caught him, but since they had no evidence, they pretty much let him go.

But the other guy wouldn't rat him out.

From what we were told, he wouldn't rat him out.

Fingerprints on the shotgun?

So you had to go to the trial and testify?

They had plenty of evidence for the other guys, so they really didn't need us.

And

they pretty much told us that we really didn't have to testify or we didn't have to go to court for it.

And they kept my blade.

And they kept this blade.

Wow.

That'd be a cool souvenir, though.

This is the blade.

Like when you got a kid, like, there's a blade I stabbed somebody to fuck her with.

Now I'm giving it to you.

Do you feel

differently about yourselves after having gone through through that?

Like, is there like something inside of you that was like, you know, not really joking, but just being like, all right, like, I know I can count on myself to handle shit should the situation arise.

Not like a.

That's a literal, like, as far as you know, a do or die situation.

I mean, that's it.

Like, like, I...

You like to have more confidence in yourself now that you're like, wow, when I was in a situation where like most people, if they found themselves, they wouldn't, like I said, you wouldn't know what to do.

You wouldn't know what to do.

You could be a good person.

When I got carjacked, the guy in the front seat with the gun, there were moments where I'm like, if he turns, maybe I'll try to grab it.

He never looked away from me, though.

Yeah, but you just got out of the fucking car.

You did it too.

You have it, too.

I always think of certain situations with the fire department where I'm like, all right, man.

Like, I remember that moment.

I remember the choices I made.

And I feel good about myself knowing how I reacted in that moment.

But fuck, that is dramatic.

That's your mom's life possibly at risk.

People creeping into your house.

Like, that's, that's, what a feeling.

And we lived like in a nice, quiet neighborhood.

So it was like, even the cops said it was the first time anything happened.

Who were they looking for we we never know we never knew the the prosecut I mean the uh the um the police officers say they could have never gotten any answer from the guy they never got any reason why they even went to that house like why are you doing 10 years without giving up like this is we were looking for because of this

this is my buddy even I don't know I mean I wouldn't give up I wouldn't give up a friend either but the guy I'm going after

probably yeah maybe then you guys unless you're not getting time from that house though eventually yeah was that one of the reasons why you moved?

No, the reason why we moved was because the house got foreclosed, but that's another story.

It's not as big as you can.

Great job.

I was just going to think, because you're like, maybe other people think this is the address of this person.

They may come looking for this guy, too.

For a while, our mom didn't even want to go through the garage.

She was scared of going home sometimes.

So it was like...

I wasn't scared.

I was just like, can we just go inside already?

Because we'll go around around with a flashlight, make sure there's nobody hiding or in the bushes or anything.

It would take us like maybe five, 10 minutes to go inside because we would drive around the neighborhood, see if there was any suspicious cars.

There was a little trauma.

A little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A little bit, but just.

Fucking crybabies.

Point a shotgun at me.

That's a great story.

You knew that?

You knew that story?

I heard it last night.

Jeez.

Yeah, like we were wrapped.

We were like, what?

What's your plan, Walter, if like, you wake up, middle of the night, and somebody's creeping around, you know, a cat burglar.

Cat burglar.

Yeah, like, what's your plan in case you see that?

Like, you might not necessarily have a shotgun, but he's burgling you.

I guess I would grab something and try to hit him with it.

Try to hit him with it.

Yeah.

I got a knife block.

Maybe I'd run down and get my knife.

Like, not pocket knives, but like, you know, like cutlery.

I wouldn't, I know on my luck, I grabbed the butter knife.

Yeah.

That one with a rounded edges.

Man, that is

got to boost your adrenaline, right?

Yeah.

That's something else.

Now, how do you do it after?

Like, what do you look for for kicks after that?

Because that would be my problem.

I'd be like, wow, after that, I'm like, I want to stab some more people.

Resurrection must never go down.

Well, for a while,

for a while, my dad was like, why is all the chickens stabbed in the restaurant?

Oh, that's funny, man.

Wow.

I know for a fact, like, your guys' meundis must have been stained afterwards.

But if they needed to get more Miundis, yeah.

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Oh, yeah, I'm going to show you.

But you're just going to show you.

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Chuck, just go the undies on the show.

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Still not getting mine.

I think you should get them soon because we got your address finally.

Still not getting.

I mean, finally.

I think there was a breakdown in communication, if I'm not mistaken.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Why is everyone always asking me for meundies?

That's not my job.

You go to her.

You go to her and you say, where the fuck are my meunties?

What's this?

What's this?

Hey, Alan, find out what's going on with Miyundis.

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let me just knock out a quick policy genius and we'll put it somewhere else walt all you want to talk about is the future

right

i do robots oh okay

all right now you're talking my language

i like to talk about robots but no matter and like being like teleportation and stuff like that teleportation any

would you have a much easier time like let's say you want to go to la

teleportation versus like like I would do that

what type of teleporter would you be comfortable with not the one that rips you into atoms and the rest of the yes I'd be okay really yeah I'll do like if they have the portal one where you open up and you see LA through the portal and you you walk through I'm okay with that but I don't want to be

I would be taken apart and put back together again but you don't think that that's a real exact like call me humpty dump your motherfucker

I think by the time that if they're going to be using it like where Joe Schmo's like me can use it it's got to be safe yeah like bottom level schmucks are now teleporting.

Why are planes not safe if that's the case?

I don't know.

Anyway, this is about insurance.

Oh, it's not about robots?

Yeah, because we thought everything was going to be robots and shit, but now it's not.

Unpredictability is also what keeps life interesting.

I got a robot vacuum cleaner.

I disagree.

A Roomba?

I got a Roomba.

I got a Roomba too.

They're sweet.

They're fucking great.

Do they work well?

Yeah.

Did you name yours?

No,

I wouldn't be allowed to name it anyway.

Well, you don't have to tell them.

Can't you just keep it to yourself?

I don't even know how to work it, though.

I just like Marvel at it when it's moving around.

Oh, okay.

Like, you're more useful around the house than I am.

Like, really, right?

Oh, yeah.

That's the way I would feel.

You don't think unpredictability keeps life interesting?

Well, not at all.

You like a nice

predictable course.

There's nothing more satisfying and comforting than predictability.

You know what's going to happen, and it's like a great feeling.

The unknown is scary.

Yeah, I like unknown better.

I like the unknown better.

I like not knowing what's going to happen.

Really, I mean, in some moments, I would prefer that I know what happens, but overall in life, yeah, I like that.

It's like, oh, we're going to go to the Joker's premiere.

Or like, oh, shit, there's tickets for Louis C.K.

tonight.

Or, oh, Sage has a

really unpredictable thing.

It's just like stuff that's just happening.

I'm not not talking about like, oh, I have cancer.

That's like a fuck.

And now I've got to go to chemo.

That's social life.

That's not.

Yeah, but like, you don't know when it's going to happen.

Like, you're just like, it's unpredictable.

Spontaneity is really.

Spontaneity, yeah.

A lot different than uncertainty.

Well, what would you say is unpredictability?

A fucking coronavirus, a storm, a tornado.

A shotgun and structure.

Yeah, there you go.

Can't predict that.

I sounded pretty good, though.

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She's allowed to at you?

Dude.

She's allowed to at you.

Sometimes I feel like she's speaking to Morse code to me.

It's like Morse attacks.

And then I know that I need to step back in line.

My conscience is now at.

Never thought you'd see the dead.

Domestic.

She's been saddled.

You otherwise water in a hotel's fucking goofy loss.

Is that just gone?

Can you take me home?

Look at the pride on her face.

Oh my god.

Is he still considered the toughest guy in the room?

Not even in the room, she's tougher.

Anyway.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

I'm not even done with this.

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So how long have we been going?

Does it happen all men?

Does it happen?

Does it happen to all?

The second you get involved with a woman, that's it.

The second I answered to,

like, I was,

that's, I'm like, it has to be everyone.

It has to be.

because I thought I would be the last guy on I mean, unless you're like, I'm not going to have a relationship, I'm going to live alone for it.

Take your broken, I think there's somebody else you're going to hear like, yeah, like what?

There's some dudes who are never broken, never broke.

Do you know any?

I mean, I don't probably know, but like, you know, rock stars, they never get broken.

Oh, I don't know about that.

I don't know.

I know a couple rock stars they've seen.

Well-trained.

But not everyone, though.

I mean, there's guys who are never broken.

Who would you say?

Like a Wilt Chamberlain?

I didn't think I'd ever see you broken.

Really?

I answered.

She tells me not to do an Asian accent.

That broke me.

Is that true?

Well, just now, is that why you stopped me?

Because I was doing that?

The Ming thing?

Off,

off.

Don't tell me I can do Merbeth Rose.

Go fuck yourself.

You can't.

You give you coronavirus.

You feel your man now?

Tell him.

This guy's over here fucking blowing people away.

I'm like, all right, honey, I'll read the policies.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.