#373: Number 5 is Alive

Get a get a grip, you narcissist.

Is it human?

I had a student come into me.

Ew, gross.

What was his name?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Em Steve, Dave, Walt, the second in a series of

podcasts designed to see who has the right stuff to fill BQ's chair.

If anyone.

That's right, yeah.

I mean, BQ's out in Hollywood right now making a movie.

He's gone Hollywood.

And we've gone to the rotating

substitute co-host.

Last week it was Ming Chen.

And

I know we set it up so people will be

on everyone's tip of everyone's tongue.

Who will be sitting in Q's chair next?

Right.

It's going to be bigger than who shot JR.

Yes, and if you don't get that reference, and you probably don't.

the guy sitting here in Hughes Chair, I know, knows that reference.

100% it does.

That would be Frank Five,

ladies and gentlemen.

Frank Five, who we first met when he decided to skip Thanksgiving, drive five hours, and come and watch us record Tell Him Steve Dave years ago.

On a whim, right, Frank?

Yeah, it's over six years ago, right?

But did you know we were recording or did you just show up and we just got lucky?

I was emailing you, and I remember you said, I'll let you know if we record.

And then you emailed me back and said, hey, I know it's short notice, but we're going to record tomorrow.

So I was like, perfect.

I left everybody.

I was in the days and I would answer an email about, hey, can I come down and watch Tell him Steve Dave record?

That's how long ago it was that I'm.

That's not possible anymore.

No.

No.

Although it may be possible again, BQ's not there.

So

all the ladies who

get like the vapors and shit when they get around Q would not show up.

Not going to show up for Frank.

Oh, for the next four weeks while Q's away?

They're not showing up from Ming.

We're in New York, so they're not going to show up from Frank Five.

We had to travel to Frank Five.

Yeah.

Hey,

you need someone to step in, you have to go to them sometimes at the Casa de Cana.

Casa de Franc Five?

Casa de Cinco?

And that's an odd set-off, man.

I have not gone downstairs yet.

He said, hey, Walt, you want to go into the basement?

And just like any victim you see on the ID channel, you're like, why not?

Yeah, you're saying the man cave is impressive.

So impressive that I almost didn't want to come back upstairs and do this podcast.

I was just like, I just like, he has a ping-pong table.

He has

air hockey, a pool table.

I was like, I'd rather stay down here than do a podcast.

It felt like a little bit of me felt that way.

Right.

And Frank Five does not have kids, which is a big, and that's big when you're talking about buying all that cool stuff.

Oh,

he has a wall of fame, too, of like, of, of

70s, anybody who is anybody.

If you thought J.R.

was an arcane reference, get ready.

He's got a Rosemarie autographed 8x10 on his wall.

And people are now like, Google Rosemarie.

You'd have to probably also Google Dick Van Dyke because I think that was the big ⁇ also the Doris Day show she was on.

Baby Rosemarie, right?

Well, and what, In Doris Day Show?

I don't know if she was on the Doris Day show.

I remember that.

I guarantee you she was because Giddam just downloaded all seasons of the Doris Day show between me and the AI.

I've been watching it.

She's on it.

She's Doris Day's best friend.

She just passed away, too.

Yeah, I saw they did a retrospective for her on the Decades channel: 24 Hours of Rosemarie.

Really?

Yeah.

You do not like new TV, Walt.

You're not a fan of new TV.

Some of the best TV ever put out.

I know it.

I understand it.

It's not that I don't like it.

It's just I can't

get into it.

It feels almost like new music.

It's too

It's not made for me anymore, TV.

I totally disagree.

It's too complicated now.

It's like, where are the days where

a broken clock or a clock that ticks too loud and keeps Doris Day up all night is the plot line of a whole episode?

You don't see plot lines like that anymore.

Thank God.

That's a little simple-minded.

Or Doris Day just happens to just

help a friend run his gas gas station and she's never pumped gas in her entire life.

Right.

That to me,

and then there's a detour from a major highway on this little road where she's tending the gas station and every car in existence is pulling into her gas station.

That's the whole episode.

Now it's just like I got to pay attention to all 40 minutes of

a show.

Of a, of, yeah, like an intricate plot line that

writers.

Yeah, that a team of writers put together.

Yeah, I get it.

I get it.

I watched that.

I watched Narcos, no lines for gas.

I was like,

not one episode about gas lights?

You love today's TV.

You've loved today's TV going back to the bank.

A couple of years now, quite a few years.

A TV junkie, right?

As opposed to.

I used to be a TV and a regular junkie.

Now I'm just a regular junkie.

I'm a TV junkie.

But that's what started.

My ability to watch TV, like all that TV, was just taking pills and sitting there and being numb and just watching shit.

I would not recommend it because it comes with a pretty bad side effect of having no money and having to go to rehab.

But just watch regular TV and you're okay.

No network shit.

I never watch network TV.

Just Netflix or Amazon TV.

I think Frank Five is also because I saw like hanging right at one of his in-your-face collectible items was a

uniform for what Netflix show?

Oh yeah, Bloodline.

Loved Bloodline.

Have you seen Bloodline?

Bloodline.

Is that the one in in the Keys?

Keys.

Yes, yes, I have.

It's awesome.

I had a uniform that was worn on the show on the stairs on the way down.

How's how much did that run you, that uniform shirt?

Where did she go?

This is $510.

What was it?

I think the uniform was just about $300.

Then I had to have the badge and everything made.

So altogether, I don't know, maybe $500, $600.

You really liked the show, huh?

What's the problem?

I loved the show.

Yeah, like I was okay with the show.

I would never buy anything from it, let alone have custom-made shit.

You know, it's funny.

It's an actual police badge.

I mean, I went to a uniform store and had it made.

And, you know, the guy.

I think Frank Five's the kind of guy who already had a fake police badge.

There's some other stuff.

I mean, and his house is absolutely stunning.

It's got a bar.

What have you been in a house with a bar?

I just said that to Mrs.

Five.

She poured me a drink that I turned my back.

I'm not sure what was in it.

I was like, yeah, like I'm rarely in a house.

Like, maybe Kevin's house house is the last time I was in a place with a full bar.

And they've got like this,

these windows that overlook a giant valley and shit.

And what do you do again?

Do you want, are you willing to?

I work at a college.

I'm the teacher, professor.

Professor.

Yeah, that's a good question.

Professor of

education.

Professor of Education.

So I was an elementary school teacher for 20 years, and then I got hired at the college just about three years ago.

And what I do is

I run a program in which people who want to become elementary school teachers come through the college and we tell them what courses and what they have to take and so on, help them with their certification and do it that way.

Yeah, so does this

man cave and all the trophies that you have accumulated down there?

Was this

we're not talking about the humans, we're talking about the other ones.

Prior to you getting a job at the college, because you don't, I mean, a teacher's salary isn't that great that you could have this kind of stuff.

Professor, right?

Is this all accumulated after becoming a professor?

I had a lot of the stuff before.

Like, all the autographs were,

I got them because I either wrote to the celebrities or met the celebrities, so I never purchased any of the autographs.

Okay.

And then a lot of the other stuff, you know, not everybody finds what I find interesting interesting.

So like all that Ripley's Believe It or Not stuff.

He's got a gigantic Ripley's Believe It or Not section in his man cave.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I love that stuff.

He's got the cane that Ripley walked around with.

The cane Ripley walked around with, like, one of the fingernails from the lady with the longest fingernails ever type shit.

Exactly.

Stuff like that.

But it's a community college, right?

So it's not like a college town per se, then.

Right.

I mean, we have a couple of big colleges near us, but I work more at the community level.

Right.

We were in a college town last night.

Walt, we were in Syracuse.

We stayed over.

Wow, Cinco de Mayo.

There's all kinds of like students running around.

I'm telling you, like, if you're a dad and you saw these girls, you would be like, this isn't what I want for my daughter.

It's scandalous.

Apparently, young kids like to go to bars.

I guess, yeah, even if they're under 20,

it's crazy.

Like, I mean, it was like it was a mob.

We couldn't, like, we're trying to drive down the streets, and it's just mobs of young kids bar hopping.

And their semester's almost over, I think, because I know I'm done tomorrow, and then I'm on summer break.

So they're probably winding down as well.

Do you feel we missed out by not bar hopping and doing all that stuff?

Me, you and Kev, when we were young, like around that age, we were not, we were ice skating.

Well, I wasn't, um, yeah, I wasn't a drinker.

So I don't think I missed out.

I mean, who knows?

Well, how old were you when you met Dub?

You were 23?

But yeah, I could have still been bar hopping before that, though, and I still didn't.

You never did it, no.

Yeah, it's just not my scene.

And then we did that.

It looked like they're having fun, though.

It really did.

More fun than we were having.

Yeah.

Trying to find a parking spot.

Yeah,

we circled the block for 10 minutes trying to fucking find a parking place and then hustled into the bed and breakfast or Airbnb or whatever so we didn't get beaten up.

And then we did our signing today at Fourth Wall Comics.

Success, Walt, would you say?

I would think so.

I mean, a success, I think, due to the listeners who came out because

you could count on your hand how many people came out because of comic book men.

The people who came out

definitely were there because of TSD.

And

so, I mean, a big thanks to all those who did come out.

It was like in sort of a remote area, New Hartford, New York.

It's not like it was New York City, so people had to travel.

People travel like three hours.

Yeah, I mean,

I can't thank those who showed up enough for

coming out and

spending an afternoon with us.

So we're going to move on now.

What do anyone who doesn't know about Frank Five, what do they they need to know?

Some fast facts about Frank Five.

It appears that on the surface he has zero respect for his wife.

But then when you see them in their more intimate moments, you know that's not true.

Nah, that seems like a shtick.

Yeah.

It's Frank Five's shtick.

He's like, I'm going to impress my friend.

I'm going to show off a little bit.

I'm going to act tough in front of people.

And then as soon as we leave, you're like, I'm sorry.

I had to do it.

Frank Five, we want to ask you some education questions.

Okay.

Now, recently, in the next town over from Walt and I, a serial pooper was caught.

I saw that.

I put New Jersey, Homedale, New Jersey on the map.

Like, it was on every social media.

Like, it was on a news app that I follow.

It was the lead story of that day.

And, you know, so,

you know, as much as, I mean, it really kind of, like, I got a lot of emails from listeners who were like, I guess who were not happy that we did the

shitholes, the world's greatest shitholes.

They were like, well, are you going to talk about this now?

It's right in your own backyard.

Of course we are.

Why the fuck are we not?

But yeah, so listeners who were not happy that we did that segment were daring us to

call

our home county a shithole.

And I'm willing to say, I'm willing.

Hey, I'll have to eat some

shithole.

Well,

let me say this.

It's the difference between one superintendent shitting

on a track and an entire country shitting in their water supply.

I think that's the fucking difference here.

I don't think you can make that.

There's not much.

No, I don't think you can.

I think when it becomes

national news, when it becomes national news, you get painted with a broad stroke.

You like to paint with broad strokes.

Well, now you've got to accept that when someone paints you with a broad stroke.

Okay, I live in a shithole.

What can I say?

There you go.

Is everyone happy now?

But did you ever read the story?

I did, actually.

My friend's a superintendent, so I immediately sent him

the story and asked him if he shit on the track of the school.

It was a running track.

Yeah.

He was running on the track.

Some guy was Thomas

Tremoglini.

He was 42.

He lives about three miles from Holmedale High School in neighboring Aberdeen.

That's kind of what you were born, right?

In Aberdeen, Madeline.

No, I was born in Perth, Amboy.

I lived in Aberdeen for a little while.

I thought so.

He was running on the track at the

athletic field at 5:50 a.m.

when he was before he was arrested.

I guess he's a serial pooper.

He was doing it all the time.

Yeah, there was a lot of reports that the, I guess, the track coach or the

groundskeeper.

How would you know?

If it's human?

Yes.

That was the first thing I thought of.

If you're able to make that distinction, because if I saw it, I would think bear.

Although I don't know what bear looks like.

Maybe it had corn in it.

You know what?

Maybe like Canadian goose.

Like Canadian goose shit looks a lot like regular human shit.

How do you know?

Because they shit all over the place.

There's Canadian geese everywhere.

Like you go to a place.

So they're not just in Canada?

No.

No, they're all like those geese that you see, those big ones, like around

the Homedale Commons and all that.

Yeah.

Yeah, those are Canadian.

They drop deuces that look human.

That's why they have the geese police, so that the dogs will chase the geese away because they shit all over the place.

I'm not so sure that that's the case, that it looks that human that you'd be like, Canadian geese or human?

Okay.

That should be a new game.

Yeah.

Let's cut that part out so it looks like it was.

Is it human?

Yeah.

And there's still various pictures

of waste.

Okay, let me see if I can find a picture for you.

So there you go.

It's a little green, but if that was human.

Yeah, I would not think, not even a chance, but I'd be like, that's human.

No.

Oh, yeah.

Instead, you could be like, oh, it's a bear, right?

What about this?

Yeah, I guess not.

What's that?

That's right.

No, that's

goose shit, too.

Yeah, stop

try to prove your foul point that foul is

work.

Excrement is close to human.

Okay, well, let's look at bear excrement where like

Channel 12 News is like, hey, Mr.

Flagan, what do you think?

And it's like, well, I'm there on the truck.

I mean, no, there's too many seeds and shit in the bear stuff.

How dark it is.

Yeah, it's real black.

All right.

I mean,

nobody's taking shits out here.

Especially every day.

In the middle.

Which was the problem.

And what is this dude's deal where it's like, I think it wasn't like he was shitting on his own track.

He was shitting on a competing school somewhere in California.

Oh, so he was doing it not even at his own school where he was employed by?

I think he was doing it to a different school.

Oh, School Spirit, maybe.

School number one.

Number two.

School employees began monitoring the area.

I mean, from what I understand.

That's good, Frank.

From what I understand,

I don't think he would have made that joke.

That's good.

He would have been a Q.

That's all friend.

I have nothing to lose.

I saw that

wing you call a man cave.

You got plenty to lose.

Yeah, you want to lose those

signed photographs of Rosemary?

Okay, so he was working in Kenilworth, and I guess Holmedell was the computing school.

So

our neighborhood is not the shithole.

It wasn't because a guy from Kenilworth came to the house.

Oh, so he was going, he was traveling up to Kenilworth and doing.

Kenilworth to home.

He was the Kenilworth school supervisor.

It's not that close.

It's really not.

And to be there at 5:50 in the morning, bro, what time are you leaving?

As somebody who works in education,

I really want this because, bro, I want to talk about this badly, but I said, let's save this from when we're talking to Frank.

I was like, we'd already recorded that week.

I was like, can I come down so we could just record about this now?

I was like, no, no, chill out.

I said, we're going to see Frank in a couple of days.

I said, let's get his,

since he works in the educational

field.

What do you, if you had to, if someone came to you and you had to do a profile, do you do any profiling in your job at work?

No.

I mean, I could tell if a student's going to make it or not.

Yeah, that's profiling, right?

Then I profile all the time.

What would you say if they came to you and like,

what is this?

Who is this?

What kind of person does this?

And why do you think he did it?

Oh, the shitting?

Yeah.

No, what else do you think?

You were going strong for a while, Frank.

I don't know.

He obviously has some kind of mental health.

You would think he has to suffer some sort of mental health.

I mean, because you can kind of explain it away if it happened once.

Maybe he was running and had to go to the bathroom and there was no place else to go.

But, you know, to make a conscious effort that you're driving

a half hour, 40 minutes.

Maybe even longer.

Really?

Yeah.

Kenilworth is not close to to home.

I give them credit for being regular.

I mean, to be able to do that everywhere.

But think about this, too, though.

You don't have time to really be thorough after you drop a load in public.

You got to pull them up and get into the car and then take a long drive back home, right?

Or to your job.

Why can't you stop a few blocks away and clean up?

Like, why do you have to sit in and fucking marinate the whole time?

Come on, doing a little profiling here.

But do you.

So we're looking for somebody who has smelly hands and mental problems.

Yeah.

But also,

you jump right to, you assume,

some mental illness.

I would think so.

But what about, you don't think there's a possibility of anger issues?

Like there's some sort of, he's been wronged by me by that school district?

I'm probably the angriest guy you know.

Not once.

Not once.

It's about 25 miles from Kenilworth to Home Street.

That's a half hour.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you're putting effort and thought into that.

That's premeditated.

Right.

So you don't think it's a possibility if there's some sort of anger and he's taking it out on that school?

You know, there's so many other things I think you could do to get back at somebody if you're angry at them.

This is

pretty rough on

whoever has to deal with that and clean that up.

And the trauma that.

You know, it's not the other superintendent from Home Delta.

It's some fucking janitor guy who's like, hey, man, somebody took the janitor again.

Did he?

Okay, so would you consider consider the anger angle, or you don't think that's a possibility?

I mean, if it's a rival school, I mean, maybe he's angry about something, but I just,

I don't know.

I mean,

the job maybe there.

The dude was making $150,000 a year.

That's a lot to be like.

This is how action is.

Motivation is,

is it possible it's a medical thing where he's like, if I run, I have to.

Yeah, but you would think he would take like a marketing.

Why is he driving to a computer school to run?

Right.

If you're a super employee.

Just stop running.

Yeah.

You don't need to run.

You can stop running.

Oh, I don't want to get a flappy and get all out of shape.

That's true.

I mean, I don't know.

Like a treadmill, maybe?

A treadmill on a diaper wasn't a little bit of a single.

Well, it's no front.

It's so shitty on a treadmill.

Yeah, you don't want to shit on your own treadmill.

But if he's a superintendent, he has access to his own school district.

So he could run on his own high school track.

So he's doing this.

on purpose.

Oh, absolutely.

So maybe we agree there.

Yeah, at least definitely done with a purpose.

So I don't think it's medical.

Yeah.

Eight times, then Holmedale Police set up a hidden videotape to record whoever was doing it.

Like this guy didn't think at some point, like,

all right.

Got to be college educated to have that job, right?

Oh, you have to have a lot of schooling to have that.

Yeah.

How could you be that

foolish to think that they wouldn't set up something to try to capture who's doing this?

I know when I do it, I cover my camera.

Like he has all the facts.

It's not angry, just like doing it.

Yeah, so I guess, yeah, I cannot find any reasoning as to why he would do it.

Oh, he hasn't gone on any, he hasn't done any interviews, right?

I don't think so.

What do you think the fallout is, Frank?

What is it?

Oh, he's definitely fired.

I don't know about that.

Even if he's got tenure?

I don't think administration gets tenure.

At least not in New York.

Alleged pooping superintendent kept on leave despite outcry.

Paid leave, right?

Paid leave, usually.

Despite the outcry.

Some residents appeared at the meeting and hoped he would be fired now that the story has gained national attention.

I want him gone, one resident said.

Is it a fireball offense?

Really boil it down to what happened here.

Because a lot of people will relieve themselves

in the woods or on a track.

The usual

two.

No, that's big.

Is this a fireball offense?

Yes.

Is it though?

Because this is what he was charged with.

Littering, lewdness, and public defecation, none of which are indictable offenses.

They're only finable, right?

Yeah.

I know that what we talk about when I teach the students is that many of the contracts that teachers have, there's a clause in them that, you know,

it says

ironclad.

Ironclad.

You cannot poop on the ladder.

Once you do something, and if it prevents you from doing your job effectively, they can fire you.

So, you know, like a long time ago, there was a teacher who was a burlesque dancer.

Now, it's not a stripper, but somebody that still takes off their clothes, but 60s and stuff.

Right.

And she did it one town or one state over.

She lived like on the border of a state.

Students ended up finding out about it, went online, saw the pictures, and all.

They still fired her, even though what she did wasn't illegal.

She never made note, you know, didn't tell anybody about it, and, you know, did everything she could to conceal it.

And what the reasoning behind it was, was that now that students know that she does this, she can't do her job effectively.

I would think if you got the mad pooper there,

who's going to want to listen to this guy?

He's not going to be able to effectively do his job.

Well, like, how do you respect the dude?

Or anything he says.

Right.

What does the superintendent do?

Is that the principal, kind of?

He oversees the entire school district.

So he's the highest one, the higher than the principals, the teachers.

What if he just has a

medical thing, like some sort of medical

thing where he doesn't have

as complete control over himself as a normal person does.

It's not his fault.

Run on the track.

But maybe it's not only when he runs.

Maybe he just has not got the

something medical.

He's like a mouse.

He just craps every year.

Yeah, as he's walking like a shit

or a horse, they just shit like as they walk.

You can't discount, though, that you don't think he's going to come up with a medical requirement.

Absolutely, he will.

Right.

Because that's what anybody does when they get caught with something they, you know, oh, I'm this, or, you know, I have a problem or I have an issue.

So

you don't think he can get a lawyer lawyer to get him off on this?

I think no matter what, I think this guy is not going to be the superintendent at that school.

And I don't know anybody who would hire him.

The minute they Google his name, it's going to be the first one.

Well, what if some, like some white trash town embraces him, though, right?

Woo-hoo.

Like, somebody that's like, man, we fucking like your, like, we would like to cut to your gym, bro.

What town is that?

Shit's creepy.

Yeah, exactly.

Wearing gym shorts and sneakers, he shouted, no comment to reporters camped outside his house Friday.

Oh, my God.

Can you imagine this?

Is like the news is that big.

Oh,

you've got to feel.

I know

at the end of the day, though, at the end of the day, he didn't really hurt anybody.

He put somebody through some traumatic cleanup.

One dude.

Yeah, one dude.

Or students, because students were seeing it.

That's how they knew about it.

Students were walking by and were like, ew.

His life is ruined.

What kind of bear was

out here?

His life is ruined, though.

I mean,

everybody in his life, everybody in a circle now

is their their

relationship with him is forever altered and it could never go back to the way it was.

It's sad when you think about it.

If the guy has a mental problem, it's sad.

If he has a physical problem that he can't control, it's sad.

It's just sad all around.

If it's a physical problem, I mean, you know, you have this...

this issue.

Why not wear

depends.

Because you don't want to admit it.

You lie to yourself.

We do it all the time.

I don't like to wear my glasses.

I can barely see.

Yeah, but that inconveniences you.

It doesn't traumatize.

You're not shitting as you walk.

Yeah,

it's pretty weird.

Now, this is what I, I'm curious, Walt.

So you and I, we both live in Middletown.

So let's say that the superintendent was from Middletown.

Now,

some lady, her eyes filling with tears, said, I'm embarrassed, I'm humiliated, I want him gone.

We are the laughing laughing stock of the entire nation,

says Lenore Jeans, who has lived in Kenilworth since she was two and sent both of her children through its public school system.

Do you feel,

on a personal level, embarrassed because the superintendent from Middletown did that?

I'll be honest with you.

My first reaction was I felt sorry for him because I'm sure he was a respected person in

his job and at home.

And

I don't know that, but I'm sure he, I'm sure, but I'm just saying, everything changed the moment he became known for what he did.

I mean, it'll never go back to the way it was.

I just felt like you don't think the nation will recover.

It will never heal.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

I think that poor bastard is never going to be.

I wouldn't be surprised if that man

at some point considers suicide.

I hope it doesn't come to that.

But I would,

those are the kind of situations where I think that might be something that would cross someone's mind.

Right.

He's like, I can't bounce back from this, which is not true.

People have killed other people.

Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

At the end of the day, it's not that big a deal.

It is.

It's not that big a deal.

It is, but

it's also not.

Right.

It's just,

and being like, oh, my God, Kenilworth is the laughing stock of the nation.

It's like something else is going to happen.

Nobody's even thinking about it right now.

We're late on this.

Only because we were waiting for Frank Five.

Like, nobody gives a fuck about the pooping pooping superintendent anymore.

They're on to something more important.

And anyone who's not from Kenilworth or Home Del, yes, they have moved on.

Nobody cares at all.

Nobody had that much respect for Kenilworth to begin with.

Let alone, like, oh my God, fucking.

So that's what they're all about up there?

Like, get a grip, you narcissist.

Nobody gives a fuck about you or Kenilworth.

All they care about is, like, what a weird guy.

Yeah.

You know?

But I will say, I mean, I know I'm taking the stand of like, I'm almost feel sympathetic for the guy, but

I'm just as hypocritical, though, because if

he was the superintendent at my daughter's school,

I would want him removed too, because he's just, you don't, like, this is, this could be

like a psychopath, right?

And he should not be anywhere near children.

He's a terrible psychopath if that's all he's doing.

But we don't know.

Like, you're wasting your psychiatry.

That's the first thing we've discovered.

It's just the tip.

Brown iceberg.

Most people, okay, here you go.

Most people familiar with running know about the unfortunate medical phenomena of suddenly, very urgently, having to empty bowels in the middle of a run.

David has nicknames runner's trots, mud butt.

Both men and women marathoners have been seen crossing finish lines with fecal matter, urine, and even menstrual blood streaming down their legs.

I would not run a marathon if I was like, that's going to be the result.

Unless, like, even if I won,

especially if I won.

I don't think you're holding back the trophy.

Why wouldn't you take steps so you don't don't have to

do something so you don't have to, so you're just clean, like your insides are cleaned out before you run your marathon so that that may not happen.

He's a serious runner, too.

He completed the New York City Marathon in 2010 with an impressive finish time of three hours 48 minutes.

I bet you it's going to come down to its mud butt.

He's got mud butt.

Runners know about it.

And like, you know,

he was just testing himself.

People are saying.

He should have cleaned it up, though.

Yeah, pick it up.

Clean up after dogs.

Yeah, he should have cleaned it up.

You can run off to the side if you feel like coming on, and just run off to the side and do it like on the grass or something.

And if you're shitting on the track day after day,

yeah, I agree.

Something's going on there that you're like, I want to do it.

I got to do it.

There's something going on.

Is it possible, Frank, any kind of sexual thrill from this?

Well, I wouldn't know that.

As a profile.

As a profile.

I didn't mean that you would know.

What do you think?

Is this something we're into?

Have you ever.

Oh, no.

If you're like, you know, the authorities came to you, and you work in education, we're trying to get a profile on this guy.

But if somebody would ask you, is there a possibility that he's getting sexual gratification from this?

Well, if he was, then you definitely don't want him to be.

I mean, he could be.

I mean, you could get.

gratification over anything.

Okay.

But I mean, I wouldn't want somebody to be a superintendent if they're getting off on going to the bathroom on a rival school's track.

Oh, no, I wouldn't either.

But I mean, I'm just wondering if it's if it, if there is some sort of deviant sexual thing going on here, too.

Nothing would surprise me.

We cannot rule it out, yeah.

Well, somebody's saying here,

let's say out of a thousand runners, you maybe have two that have that specific bathroom problem.

Yeah, the mud butt.

But it shouldn't happen on a daily run of a few miles.

How do you even get through a marathon without stopping every four miles?

They said, yeah.

People are,

somebody goes,

I think he has some kind of issue, but he should address it if he's going to keep running.

There you go.

That would be, it would, it would be great if the money was

like if you were making bank, but if you were just a respected profiler of people who like poop and run,

it wouldn't be that great, right?

Because they're going to ask you to profile the person.

They might ask you to look at pictures of it, maybe even the real stuff itself.

You're going to get get paid, though, for it to do it, though.

How much is he getting?

What's there, like an FBI profile?

I probably get probably say about $100 an hour.

Wow.

So $100 an hour, you're working part-time.

I'm even blinking.

I'll go through a school stamp all over.

Yeah.

I don't know if there's.

You probably just have to look at pictures.

You probably wouldn't have to see the actual specimen.

All right.

I'll still do it.

I'll still do it.

Yeah, like they may call him to the track and be like, hey, what do you think?

Canadian goose, Barry Joe?

Yeah.

Brown tape.

So

you would, if it was a superintendent at your Alicia school, you'd be like, I want him out of here.

I would just.

I know I'm being hypocritical here, but

on one hand, I'm saying like

I don't feel bad for him.

But on the other hand, yeah, I don't feel that bad for him that I would not want him around my child in like what the school that she goes to.

He cannot be there.

It's not acceptable.

There's nothing he can say that would change my mind that I can't imagine

all the parents' minds can, I don't think there's anything the man could say.

Even if he said, like, I have a hole in my

intestines or something, I have like a growth on it.

There's nothing I can do.

I don't care.

You should have cleaned it up then.

He's like, well, I've got subtitles and I'm going to die in a couple of days anyway.

I mean, yeah,

if his intestines are punctured and all this shit's running out into his body, it's not going to last long anyway.

That's the least of his worries.

Yeah.

So yeah, that's the.

So we're saying we only live in a shithole because someone from another,

or is it the whole state?

The county?

The state?

I think Monmouth County now has to

work in Monmouth County.

What?

Does kind of work in Monmouth County?

Well, both counties then.

I guess Middlesex and

Monmouth County are going to have to accept their.

You know what?

Let's make whoever the fuck wanted to call us out on it happy.

Yes, we live in a shithole.

How's that?

I mean.

Fine.

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All right, good work.

The other thing I was wondering about, Frank Five, and you may be able to,

I'm sure you've seen it.

These,

not you, of course, but these professors who get involved with students.

I don't know if you see it on your level, though.

Community College?

Yeah.

She knows about it.

Yeah.

Oh, Mrs.

Five had an affair?

No, no, no.

No.

No, no.

Well, you've heard of teachers being with the students, getting married.

Getting married?

No, I'm not talking about time and knowledge.

I'm talking about, like, yeah, like maybe.

Yeah,

it wouldn't surprise me.

It wouldn't surprise you.

College level.

College level, yes.

Right.

And not elementary school.

No.

Okay.

So you don't have any first-hand knowledge of anyone who's like, you know,

I don't know of anybody offset.

No.

I did have, I will say this, I had a student come into me.

Bill, gross.

What was his name?

I don't know, okay.

Should I cut that part out for a couple of years?

No, that's good.

I had a student come into me one day, and

she said to me, she, you know, a younger girl, pretty, and she said, you know, I appreciate you giving me the extra credit, blah, blah, blah.

And I said, no problem.

I said, hey, you're doing fine in class.

You're awesome.

Just keep it up.

And she looks at me and she goes, no, professor, and she said my name.

She goes, you're actually awesome.

I says, oh, thank you.

And I came home and I told Mary about it.

I was proud because, you know, somebody said that about me.

And then immediately she knocked me down a couple pegs.

She brought you down.

Brought me down.

She said, you could be those kids' fathers.

She goes, They don't think you're awesome.

They don't think that you're, you know, anything like that.

She goes, they just want a good grade.

That's why they're saying that to you.

Don't let her

not let her take the wind out of your sister.

She took it out big time.

Yeah, don't let her do it.

I think you're awesome, but was that a defensive mechanism, Mrs.

Fife?

Don't worry.

I'm not leaving you if that's what you're worried about.

I'll be here.

I like this house.

I want my men.

I'm not giving up half my 8x10s and 70s nobodies.

How would I decide?

Who would I take?

She'd take Tony Danza right off the bat.

He's by Jack.

John Klugman, Tony Danza.

Klugman?

Yeah,

John Amos.

Yeah, from Good Times.

I mean, you would not believe this wall of fame that he's got down here.

Huh.

So, but you're like, oh, somebody was nice to me.

And she's like, go fuck yourself.

Was he coming down trying to be all arrogant?

I was a little bit.

I got hit on.

I was like, I still have to do it.

Somebody was like, you're cool.

cool, or you're a nice guy.

Yes.

And I thought, well, you probably did.

Yeah,

you got to get off the couch, Mary.

I thought that, yes, he probably

closer.

She probably did think you're awesome, but not in the way you wanted her to think you were awesome.

We not wanted her to think you were awesome.

Were you satisfied with her just being like, wow, you're a great guy?

I was happy until I got home.

But why did you feel the need to throw that in?

But why'd you feel the need to

leave work early and drive about 100 miles an hour to get home and tell her that?

Wait, I don't remember that though.

Is that what happened?

I don't.

I don't know.

I guess I was just excited to tell somebody.

But

why would you tell your wife that, though?

I don't know.

Look at that.

He does not have friends.

There's no friends.

I don't have any friends.

He's too weird of a guy to have real friends.

So you told the one person that you thought I probably should have told yeah

but you knew she wouldn't appreciate it I I thought she would say well you are awesome but I didn't get that no

she's like they're using you fool that's basically what it was did that compliment uh influence a grade

oh no no I let me tell you something what they earn is what they get that's it you can you can be a horrible student or sarcastic to me or you can be they can dress you down and talk rude well they no it's

it's all about respect, so no, that doesn't happen.

But whether I like the student or dislike the student, it doesn't matter.

The grade is the grade, and that's it.

I'm very fair with that.

What if one of the students caught you pooping on the track and they're like,

I guess I'm getting an A, right?

Professor Hughes.

You've dropped down to frank number two immediately.

What's sad is if that actually ever came out, she wouldn't be surprised one bit that he was caught doing that, probably.

What?

I had hoped she wouldn't be.

Yeah,

is there any particular kink that Frank 5 has that you're like

uh-uh?

Like when you first got together.

Hold on, though.

I would like to ask you.

Come back.

Here, sitting next to me.

Frank.

Because, again, going back to the man, the teacher or the superintendent at Home Dell, because I was saying I felt like

how horrible it must be for his family to find this information out.

What do you do

if you find that out?

What is your reaction?

Do you immediately leave?

Do you find out why you did it?

Or is it just like we could work through this?

What is your initial reaction to finding out that you've got this kind of

hidden behavior that you had no idea was going on?

I'm like, you're talking specifically about that?

Or it depends on what it is.

Well, it's a lot of fun.

it's going number two on a running track.

Well, let me ask you this.

Is there any discernible difference between a guy who shits on a track and a guy who pukes on a cake and then knowingly lets people eat it?

It seems not that different to me.

Think about it.

That's kind of a good point.

So long ago.

You know, I don't know.

I think, well, in this situation, I think it would probably be

find out why.

why you're you would want to know why or because there are some people who might be like I don't even want to know why I just want to get out of here well there's a chance it could turn you on why

you would want to know why

and okay if you found out why is there a good reason what's the reason that you're like

would you try to

power through it or would it be like I can't it depends on the reason why if it was a mental reason you know if it was a mental problem I I would probably what's the best case scenario reason?

I was pissed off at this school, they wronged me.

Yeah, like he was somebody at the school had wronged him in some way.

No, this sounded good.

I mean, I would.

But at least it wouldn't be like, okay, you're a psychopath.

I guess

you

picked a very extreme way to

exact, what's the word?

Exactly.

But

there's a line of.

There's a reason, though.

Like, he's angry at this point.

Yeah, there's a line of logic that goes from like somebody treating him like an asshole to shitting on the track whereas he's like i don't know why i do it

yes or

the reason is like it turns me on yeah

you could see me getting mad at somebody and i can but it would bother me more if wait a minute doesn't q admit it the man is not here that he's going to do this on someone's grave and not even like i need to do it now he's like he's been waiting for over a decade already right so so there's so anger can make you want to do this act right so so maybe he didn't get a job or maybe he got fired from that place or maybe somebody wronged him very badly, and this is how he's chosen to take his revenge.

Is that a good enough reason for you to be like, I wish you hadn't done that?

This is crazy.

Oh, absolutely.

But I'm not leaving you.

If it's good enough for Brian, good enough for you.

If he did it in an anger way, like I'm

sitting there squatting.

I'm

bother me more than if he had some kind of sexual gratification?

No!

Some sort of mental type issue.

Because if he did it because he was angry, it doesn't necessarily mean he has some kind of other underlying issues, I guess.

I don't know.

But if he's just like, I got a loose screw, that would be more, you're more apt to forgive.

Yes, to begin with.

Well, I think that's probably common.

Yeah.

He's just like, I'm good.

Yeah, but then there's the re, okay,

that screw loose.

I'm sure it's not just going to the bathroom on a track.

He's going to have to explore a lot more deviant behavior, probably.

See, that's the only excuse that I would be like, I wouldn't be, I'd still be mortified, but I'd be like,

you were wrong, then this is how you chose to.

Yeah, but there's a written, I mean, that's like a bizarre thing to do.

Oh,

I don't, yeah, I don't know.

But say, like, say it hadn't, say it hadn't come out,

please don't do that so I don't have to think about why.

Well, say it hadn't come out, right?

Say it was happening to a neighbor

and nobody knew who was doing it.

What was that?

Do you have a neighbor that

I was talking to him earlier?

It seems he has several.

Yeah, like

it was in the neighborhood.

So I was like, oh man, somebody's been pooping on my lawn.

Irrefutable evidence.

You know it's him.

Do you rout him out?

Do you

confront him?

I do confront him.

You guys do.

Like, you know, you got over

the running tracking.

Oh, wait.

So this is the second time?

So, like, 10 years later, in the neighborhood,

the human waist is found again.

Would you automatically assume that your husband did it?

Yes.

oh absolutely

i think it's an awesome freezer type situation where it's like yeah i would assume it this doesn't seem random confront them i would confront them would you believe if he said it's absolutely not random i don't think anybody said

you know i got help for that

i'm better than anymore

i'm well sexual gratification

uh but let's say the first event hadn't happened but like you knew goddamn well it was him doing it you'd confront him and you'd be like are you the one you're the one doing it

and he's like, Yeah.

It is me.

What's your move?

Then what do you do?

What's your end game then?

Would you rat him out?

Or would you just leave?

Or just be like, forget confidence.

For me personally, it would take a lot for me to leave.

Okay, so

leaving me.

He's been trying hard.

I want to know from

definitely from a woman's perspective.

You find out this happened.

You're the wife of

this man who did this.

How do you tell your parents when the world knows about it now how do you explain to them like how do you even address this i feel like they would be like end like of course that's what he's doing he won't even he won't even talk to us at thanksgiving

right i mean like it just would be so difficult like life is forever altered for

and it can probably never go back for like if i did it every time we sat down to do tell him

how do you think about anything other than life you think that we could carry on telling steve dave if you're on Twitter?

It would make us more popular.

I should fucking do it.

I want to boost our numbers.

I've got to do the wrong reasons.

How many listeners in droves would just turn off the pod and be like, I can't.

I need to.

Oh, you think they'd all turn their back on me just because I'm shitting on the racetrack?

As a listener, I mean, I can't say you would turn.

You probably would listen to the episodes.

He'd be like, I wish they did two episodes a week now.

Yeah, I think there's

a certain number of people who would stay.

I think you're some that would probably be like so turned off or so repulsed frankly so where am i i'm doing it on the track or i did it to my neighbor um i don't know it does it make a difference

you got caught doing it well the neighbor seems much more personal than than a track a track seems just like dude what's your deal where a neighbor is like some what they're in an argument for some reason yeah you know

Yeah, so I mean, you know, like I said, I do feel bad for the guy because I'm sure it's hell right now.

It's got to be hell.

Is he married?

There's no one he can turn turn to and be like, you understand, right?

There's not one person in that dude's life.

I don't know if you want the people on your side that would agree with you.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're on the dark web and shit, those people.

So then my next question about the young girls was, are the teachers?

It seems like when we were in school, I don't know about you guys.

But when we were in school, like, well,

was there one female teacher aside from Miss Devola who is a substitute that you would be like, she's hot.

I would like to see her naked.

I'm talking

from the time you started school until we graduated.

Was there even one teacher?

I don't think there was.

I remember one.

It was a long time ago.

But I remember every teacher I ever had.

As a young boy going through his changes, I'm sure I would have looked at any of them.

Ew.

Anyway, like Crowley.

Yes.

Oh,

no way.

He's full of shit.

There's no way.

I'm telling you, man.

You are super horny?

When, no, but I'm just saying, but when you're going through

that time of your life, it doesn't matter.

You're just...

What time?

Because

you don't have the internet.

You don't have anything.

Yeah, but I mean, you have magazines.

Magazines were hard to come by.

They were hard to come by.

I mean, I think a naked teacher was way harder to come by than a magazine.

Well, I'm just saying, I thought you said that this happened to present itself, this situation.

No, no, no.

I wouldn't, like, yeah.

No, no, I'm saying, is there anyone you can recall that you'd you'd be like,

I think any of them at that point in my life?

That's gross.

Look at them now.

Most of them are probably dead.

It never ceases to amaze me these

women, these teachers who are like,

I mean, she looks like a fucking model.

Like, if you were like, that's a model on the cover of some fishing magazine, she's holding some kind of fish, I would totally believe it.

Is that a product, though, of schools getting rid of teachers who are too expensive to pay?

The older, the longer the teeth, the older.

The gross one, no one wants to fuck.

But

you bring in the young teachers, so you don't have to pay them as much.

We were just talking about this earlier in the week.

I had a meeting, and I think it's a generational thing.

Rank V, you got to stop.

You got all these younger people coming in, and they think that that stuff is all right, posting these pictures and

being in shape and all that.

And it's just a product of it.

Our teachers are never in shape.

It wasn't wasn't important.

Yeah.

Well,

obviously, there was no bar.

If Walt's like, I'd look at any of them.

Like, it didn't fucking matter.

You're like, you didn't have to work out.

You could be 70.

Married middle school science teacher.

Now that's got to be, how do you face your family after that?

Like, you're married.

It's a lot easier than if you're the track guy.

I don't know.

It's a lot easier.

At least the shitting is like, I did it because I fucking wanted to do it.

Whereas like the embarrassment that comes along with like, my hot 26-year-old wife is sucking the cock of a 14-year-old, that is like, that would be tough to the critical ego.

That'd be real.

I still, it's a lot easier to explain to your family and friends than like

she's defecating in public, though.

Yeah.

No, you don't think so.

It's not easier to swallow.

Oh, pun intended.

She doesn't know.

She's not a co-ed.

She doesn't think I'm awesome.

Oh,

glad we did this, Frank.

But

you don't think

telling your loved ones, like you said, your parents, like, well, he had an affair with a student and is like, well, he's trending on Twitter because

he's the

serial pooper.

He's the serial defecator.

Well, I could deal with

going on the track more than that with an underage girl.

I think that's, but but that's more,

I don't want to say normal behavior, but it's more like it's not psychopathic behavior, though.

Yeah, but there's some like that's a serial killer possibly

doing that stuff.

But you're talking about somebody who's molesting a child, which is not really like, oh, you're way above a fucking person who would poop on the track.

Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.

Yeah, the poop on the track seems way more.

Oh, so you're ready to call these these these young ladies who

technically they absolutely are child molesters.

But are you ready to call them child molesters and put them in prison with

all the dregs and let them pay the price and

let them pay just the same stigma as the males get?

No.

It's too hot.

It's too hot.

No, I mean, this is weird, man.

Like, like 12, 13, like, when I see like a married teacher with a 17-year-old boy, I think that is a lucky 17-year-old boy.

A 14-year-old, no capacity to truly understand what he's doing.

I can't even begin to imagine the mindset of a 26-year-old woman who's like, I want to fuck an inexperienced little, definitely a douchebag, because all 14-year-olds are.

Like, I don't understand, I can't get my head around it.

I can't get my head around a dude who would want to do it.

But you're right.

And this is what I want to talk about: the double standard of like

teacher banging 16-year-old girl, piece of shit.

Like, male teacher.

Female teacher banging a 16-year-old boy?

I'm ready to say, I'm ready to say.

Ready to say?

Both are shit.

They're both shit.

She also come down hard.

She also

sent him nude photographs of herself.

Why the fuck would you do that?

And she had bought him marijuana and

she's more exasperated about, why would you devote more than he's like, why would you shit on a fucking track?

Definitely.

Definitely.

One is definitely an

indictable offense, whereas the other one is like...

One is going to put you in jail.

Right.

The other one is just going to get a fine.

Yeah.

But let's see.

Oh, it's not clear.

I mean, she's really pretty, but this is not like...

It's not uncommon.

What is with all these hot teachers?

It only worked out for one.

It kind of, that Mary Kay Latorno, who...

She went to jail.

She went to jail, but then she got out.

She married the dude.

They have kids.

It's like

extremely rare.

Rather not.

Would you have considered that, though, the modern-day Romeo and Juliet love story?

Like one of the greatest love stories?

If they had stayed together, though.

Like,

love conquered almost everything in that relationship.

Yeah, I guess it was.

Not the law, but I don't know.

I guess it did, but I still wouldn't, I don't respect it at all because of

the problem.

I know, but like, but

it's easy to say that now, but if they were right now happily married and well in their advanced age, it would still be.

She definitely is.

There's something definitely wrong.

She definitely was, you could see in her eyes,

she had those cuckoo eyes in every picture.

But if they were still together and happy and raised a loving family, you would not say that there was

proof positive love conquers all.

I guess you could say they have conquered all.

Love has conquered all because you're wrong about them being apart.

So she was, she pleaded, I don't know how the fuck this happened.

Pleaded guilty to two counts of felony, second-degree rape of a child.

It was a 12-year-old student.

While waiting sentencing, she gave birth to his kid.

Her plea agreement called for six months in jail with three months suspended and no contact with the kid.

So she went to jail for three months.

Shortly after her three months at Stanton jail, she was caught by police in a car with the kid.

So then she went back to jail

because she was re-sentenced to the maximum of seven years.

She gave birth to a second daughter while in prison.

She was incarcerated for six years.

When she was released, the kid, who was 12 then, was over 18.

He asked the court to revoke the no-contact order.

They got married in 2005.

In May 2017, the kid filed for legal separation and then withdrew the request.

So they're still together to this day.

Did love conquer all, Ms.

Five?

Is that are they or are they not soulmates?

You know what?

I guess I, thinking about it, I would say they probably are soulmates, and love probably did conquer all, but I don't agree with that.

Okay, so that's my own personal opinion.

I think you don't agree with love?

No, I don't agree with what she did.

Tell me something I don't know.

I don't agree with what she did.

I just think that's what I'm saying.

I agree with the method, but you agree that ultimately

that is probably a rare, rare, rare, rare case, though.

Of our time.

Is it the greatest romance of our time?

Name a greater romance, Miss Fife.

Go.

Ooh, not a fictional one either.

Yeah, not fictional.

Real life.

Like, you know, maybe like even Brad and

Angelina.

What about the...

Well, they got divorced, Brad.

Yeah, they were going to say that.

Who?

You're following them.

Well, not her.

Probably, probably

Kate Middleton, Prince William, I would say.

Oh, the new, the new.

No, no, yeah.

You're talking about Harry and Megan.

No, I don't.

Who the hell is that?

That's the new, that's the new big wedding that's coming down the pike.

Oh, my God, I'm not ready for it.

Who are these people?

Next weekend, next week.

Yeah, it's going to be a big thing all over the TV.

Who are they?

Harry and Megan?

She's the first American to ever marry into the British royalty.

Oh, shit, that is huge news.

I know you're saying it like you're making a lot of people.

I don't care, but I know people do care.

This is a big deal.

This is like.

Why aren't you proud of me?

I have no idea what it is.

But I'm only concentrating on Cyril Poopers

online shit.

Are you going to catch any of the wedding?

Would you, really?

Yeah.

You cleared your date

today to watch it all?

Did you watch Princess Die Get Married when we were younger?

She's got it on VHS over here.

You do?

I do.

It's in the cabin.

Oh, I didn't know I did.

Yeah, she taped over your wedding video.

Well,

she would have been like 12 when it happened, right?

She taped over his death, her death as well.

I didn't know I had that.

So you're excited by it.

Why the fuck do you care?

I'm dying to know.

I don't know how romantic.

Is it really

interesting?

Yeah, I find the whole British monarchy interesting.

And you're going to see.

It's like, I love imperialism.

I just, I don't know.

The amount of money wasted on a level that has never been seen by human eyes.

Oh, is it that expensive?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh my god, it's going to be 50 fucking coaches and the extravagance of a lifetime.

Is that queen still alive?

Christ almighty, how old is she?

She's in her 90s.

She just had a birthday.

Prince Charles is just like, motherfucker.

Prince Charles is like.

I wish Camilla Parker Bowles had used me as a tampon.

That would have been a high point.

He's going to get to be king for like

a year.

Yeah, he must must be like, fuck this shit with my big ears.

It's a good question, though, the greatest love story.

The greatest love story of your

William and Kate Middleton are, but they're not really old enough to have that whole.

They haven't stood the test of time yet.

At any point, will your relationship enter like the possibility of

we said real romances.

You could have immediately been like, of course, me and Frank Five.

Of course, me and Frank Five.

I think we put it into a context where we were asking her to think more like

huge.

Not things she regrets.

People are really huge.

You know, the big romances that a lot of people get to see on a public, this you know, public manner.

Right.

You guys have been married eighteen years?

Okay.

In July, it'll be eighteen.

Frank Five double checking with me.

You're not excited, though, by the royal wedding?

I could see a little I see your eyes drift uh I I will say this, we've had a conversation about this royal wedding way more than you would think we should have had this conversation to the point where the other morning we woke up and started talking about it and got into an argument over it one conversation would make me think i'm just going to abandon the man if i can't be able to

get i started going downstairs so are you planning to watch it alone or will you be asking your i'll just watch it alone i'll get up saturday morning and come in here and watch it you won't get up early to watch it frank she didn't even know what it was she thought it was two weeks ago she was telling me to get up early

It's got to get up by six.

It's going to be on.

And I was like,

six in the morning?

I don't know why I got mixed up by the date.

I'm getting old.

What can I tell you?

I'm so confused on the date.

Wow.

You care that much about the royal wedding and cannot name another great romance of our times.

No, I

think it's Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley.

That seemed real.

What about Tom Hanks?

I just mentioned him the other day.

Didn't he have Denny marriage?

Or Bron Jovi married his high school sweetheart?

Dorothy Bong Giovanni.

I don't think people look at that as a great romance, though, even though it is like beat, a rock star who could get

God knows how much puss to this day is still with his high school sweetheart.

Why do you say people don't?

I think people don't, like, that's not what leaps to mind is Bon Jovi and his lady.

Because they're not so public.

Like you said, Brad and Angelina, it's like they're all over the place.

George and Gracie Burns?

Yeah, that's that's a good one.

Yeah, I love to think of them.

It sexy.

God.

George Poops

gets turned on.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

Or Steven Eady.

Oh, Steven Eady.

People are like,

who the fuck are these guys talking about?

We were talking about Doris Staying Open the show.

Now we're closing in on you.

A couple not from the golden age of Hollywood, please.

After Wilson's husband died, she never remarried.

Wow.

Oh, I know.

DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe.

Fucking a cuck who goes to visit the fucking gravel every day bringing her flowers and shit, right?

He got the shit cucked off

the president.

Yeah, with the Kennedy brothers.

Well, Frank, I've never weighed in.

Is there a double standard there that you agree or disagree with?

Do you agree with the double standard?

I definitely think there's a double standard, and I don't agree with it.

Don't agree with it?

No, if you've done that crime, regardless of it's male, I'm sorry, regardless of it's an older male, younger female, or an older female, younger male, doesn't matter.

It should be wrong across the board, and that's it.

I'll say this much: I don't like Frank 5 as much when the mics are on because the shit he says when they're off

directly contradicts this.

I'm just kidding.

So I came up with this game, and

I'd love for three, Brian, to play, and you to play, and Mrs.

Five if you wanted to play this.

It's called the Frank and Candid Quote Game.

Okay.

I took probably, in my opinion, the three most famous Franks that I could think of.

Okay.

And

I had these quotes, and you have to guess which Frank said the quote.

Okay.

All right.

And so the famous Franks were.

Who do you consider some of the most famous Franks to have ever lived?

Obviously, I bet you, Frank Sinatra.

He's number one.

That's right.

Frank.

What?

You've never done this?

You've never just done this on a long car trip?

Like, played the game with your wife?

Who's the most famous Frank?

No.

Driving down to the stash.

What Franks do you think are more famous than Frank?

I mean, probably in

none, maybe?

I don't know.

20 minutes in, she's like, don't talk to him anymore.

You wouldn't say Frank Stallone, would you?

No, no, not Frank Stallone.

I love it.

It depends on whose world you're in.

In your basement?

Yeah, that would be

Frank.

I don't know many Franks.

I can't believe that.

I got Frank Zappa.

Frankie Valley.

Frankie Avalon.

Frank Perdue.

Right?

Like, Frank Perdue is all over the place.

You can't argue that he's not a famous Frank.

I chose Frank Sinatra, Frank Zappa, and Frank Miller.

The artist, okay?

So I'll give you a quote, and then you guys either say it's Miller, Zappa, or Sinatra.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

The best revenge is massive success.

So, Mrs.

Five,

which Frank said that?

I don't know who Frank Miller is.

And this is why we don't play games on Tyler.

I turned the heat up, I let her fall asleep, I let her know what's going on.

You know who all these Franks are, right, Brian?

I do, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, Frank Miller is a comic book writer.

He very famously wrote Return of the Dark Knight, which sort of like...

Which Sin City he made.

Did you see

The Spirit or did you see

Sin City, the movies?

The Spirit, right?

So I didn't see Sin City.

Okay, he's responsible.

He's a big, one of the greatest artists to come out of the 80s and a legend in the comic book world and in the film.

I don't know if he's a legend in the film world, but he's had massive success.

300?

He's responsible for 300, the movie, and the comic.

All right, so did

the best revenge.

You've added no information that helped her.

His massive success.

Well, this is why the game is hard.

They don't want to make it easy.

Did Frank Zappa say it?

Frank Miller or Frank Sinatra?

You got a pen for me?

The best revenge is

success?

The best revenge is success.

And it wasn't an original quote.

I feel like someone else other than a Frank said that.

You're saying this is an original quote?

This is attributed to Frank.

Okay.

Thank you.

All right.

So, Bri,

what are you going to say?

Zappa, Sinatra, or Miller?

I feel like that quote has been around for a long time, so I'm going to go

Frank Sinatra.

Okay.

Frank Five?

I'm going to say it was probably Zappa

and Mrs.

I say Sinatra.

Sinatra.

Though we may be wrong, Ms.

Five.

You know why?

Because

Sinatra allegedly got some help from his mob buddies.

So would he, but he was an arrogant guy, but could he be arrogant about something everyone sort of knew?

Like, so much so that a scene in the Godfather was based on it.

So want to go Frank Sinatra?

You already why we wrote it down.

Oh, you wrote it on a napkin?

All right, fuck it.

Actually,

you should have stuck with.

Actually, you were right.

It was Frank Sinatra.

It was Frank Sinatra.

Yeah, so you guys get the points on those.

And

Frank 3, Frank 5, you are

trailing here.

Is this going to get awkward where me and Miss 5 are soulmates?

We keep getting the right answers together.

We're like, you're like my Mary Kay Latournan to whatever the fuck that other kid's name was.

Here's an interesting quote.

Or you leave with Walt.

This is nice house.

I'd rather stay.

Yeah.

Here's an interesting quote.

I can tell you squat about Islam.

I don't know anything about it, but I know a goddamn a lot about al-Qaeda, and I want them all to burn in hell.

That's for Zappa.

Okay, you're going to go Zappa?

You're going to keep going with Zappa, huh?

Every answer?

Eventually, you'll it'll have to be right.

Okay, so Islam.

I don't know squat about Islam, but I can tell you a lot about Al-Qaeda.

And I can tell you I want them all to burn in hell.

I'm going to go Frank Miller.

Okay, Miller.

Miss Vive?

That's what I was going to say.

You're going to say Miller?

Me and Ms.

Five think Zappa was too much of a peace nick with moon unit and all that other shit, right?

He's not talking about people.

Yeah, but you know that Frank Zappa died, right?

Oh, no, I didn't.

Yeah, he's been dead for like he would never have seen Al-Qaeda, the birth of Al-Qaeda.

Can I change my answer?

No, it was written on the napkin.

Sorry, it was Frank Miller.

Was Frank Miller?

Yeah, it got him a lot of trouble that statement.

Why would that get him in a lot of trouble?

I don't know, but yeah, I hope terrorists burn it up like that

because that's the fucking world you live in where people are like, oh, how dare you?

You want a fucking terrorist who's decapitating people to burn in hell?

It's like, yeah, I do.

Does it drive you crazy in school?

Do you hear a bunch of the woke shit like every like It must drive you nuts, right?

Yeah, I don't like that.

The fucking preaching and ugh.

Sober.

All right.

Frank, you need this one.

Zappa.

You really need this one.

I mean, it's too

to nothing.

Too two to nothing.

All right.

If you want to get laid, go to college.

If you want an education, go to a library.

Bri?

I'm going to go Zappa.

Zappa.

Frank Five.

What was the quote again?

If you want to get laid, go to college.

If you want an education, go to a library.

I don't know.

Zappa.

Zappa.

I say Miller.

Miller.

Same guy who wants Al Qaeda to burn.

I don't know who any of the three people are.

Do you know who Frank Zappa is?

Okay.

All right.

That was Frank Zappa.

Bri, you're three for three.

Man, I'm good.

Frank Fine is on the board.

All right.

This is going to make people wish for dyslexia.

It doesn't have the same pow as dyslexia.

Well, nobody's fucking enraged over it.

And that happens every single time with dyslexia.

Mighty cultures are almost never conquered.

They crumble from within.

And frankly, I think that a lot of Americans are acting like spoiled brats because everything isn't working out perfectly every time.

Mighty cultures are almost never conquered.

They crumble from within.

And frankly, I think that a lot of Americans are acting like spoiled brats because everything isn't working out perfectly every time.

I'm going to say Frank Miller.

Miller.

That sounds like a newer complaint.

And Frank Miller, is he American or is he?

I don't know if he was from the UK.

Frank Five.

That's what I was going to say.

Miller?

Yep.

Mrs.

Five?

Miller for me.

Miller.

Miller's across the board.

Miller time.

Nice.

Miller time.

Yeah.

Wow, bro, you are like on.

This is the best game, this best showing you've ever had in any of the games we've ever played.

Better than even games that I came up with.

You're a perfect score here.

You've got a perfect score here.

All right.

Here's where you jinx me, and I just go south.

I'm not good at clutch hitting.

The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced.

I'm going to go with that one, I'm going to say

Frank Zappa.

Zappa.

Yeah.

He seems to me to be the most

counterculture of the people.

And Miller?

Maybe.

Yeah.

I mean, he was a fucking weird dude, Frank Zappa.

Yeah.

You know?

That's who I would say.

Zappa.

I'm going to go with Miller on that one.

Now that you've fucking tipped your hat, Walt.

This is five.

Who do you think said that?

Say Frank Sinatra.

Frank Sinatra.

Oh, that dude was fucking bleeding red, white, and blue.

What makes you say that?

I don't know.

It's just a guess.

Zappa.

Zappa said that.

Damn, I'm good.

Damn, you want to go?

You'll do one more, and if you get this, you'll have a perfect score in the frank and candid quote game.

Wow.

Something to be proud of.

Prouder than what people are about to find out that I should have gone a trek.

I really want to see you get a perfect score here.

It's like the perfect season.

Everybody's rooting for you.

This will be everyone's favorite episode.

This is really like, at least, because the game really sucked, and I don't know if I'm here playing it.

It really didn't come out the way I thought it would, but at least we got this going for it.

People are

staying in

paying attention because of this perfect chance for a perfect score.

Yeah, they heard me get the first one, right?

All right.

Should I shut it up?

Wait, I got to see what's going to happen.

Oh,

all right.

And you know what?

I'm not going to throw you a gimme either.

I'm going to throw you absolutely a hard one just because you want to earn this.

You don't want to fall ass backwards into a perfect score.

I don't.

No, I want to earn it.

I don't want any nepotism.

I don't want any winks, nothing like that.

A lot is riding on this for me.

You know, we got a long ride home from Frankfurt.

I flipped two hours and 48.

I do not want to sit in a car with a Brian Johnson that didn't get a perfect score.

He fucking threw me off.

He threw me off.

Fuck his nice house.

I just delete the file all the way back.

All right, you ready?

Yeah.

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

And that's the hardest one because all three were artists.

I was just about to say, yeah, all three were artists.

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

Brian Johnson, for a chance for a perfect score in the very first ever the Frankenta.

Probably the last Frank chance.

Don't get so excited.

The energy with any indication is to

repeating this game.

Wow, that's a tough one, man.

Yeah,

that's why I wanted you to like, you know, if you're going to win this and you're going to.

Right, if I'm going to peacock around like I've been

artists making something out of nothing and selling it.

Zappa, Sinatra, or Miller?

There's been so many Zappa answers.

I want to move away from Zappa.

Miller seems too pissed about everything.

Really?

Why?

Why'd you say that?

Fuck him.

He's pissed about all sorts of shit.

Wow, that is a tough one.

I will literally just be guessing at this point now.

I think you were guessing at all of them, weren't you?

No,

yeah, I guess I was guessing.

I wouldn't even know for a fact any of them said that, but you can sort of tell.

I'm going to go Sinatra again.

You go Sinatra.

I'm going to go Sinatra.

I'm not even going to ask you guys because it doesn't matter.

Okay.

You don't get your ups.

Last little experience.

But, you know, what would you have said, though, Frank?

I would probably have said Miller.

You would have said Miller in that one.

Miller, yeah.

You were saying Sinatra?

I'm going to say Sinatra.

Mrs.

Five, what do you think?

I would say Zappa.

Mrs.

Five, you just got the only answer right that Brian Johnson got wrong.

Oh, I knew it was bound to happen.

It was Frank Zappa.

Yeah, I will, there will always be some little broken part, some damage, some danger.

Like a car in a hailstorm.

That is your lot in life, Brian.

You were never meant to be perfect at anything.

No.

Or even like capable.

How I've gotten this far is fucking beyond me.

Give him another question.

Give him a question.

Even if he got that wrong, it's in the history books.

yeah.

Even if I got the next one right, that one still.

Yeah, you still will always be blemished.

But I think that's why people like me, because I'm imperfect just like them, right?

Like nobody listening to, everyone listens to this podcast is like, I know what my damage is.

Did you throw that on purpose because you didn't want to seem too perfect for the listener base?

I want to be relatable.

I've struggled my whole life with being too perfect.

That's why people keep me at an arm's length.

You knew going in that if you got a perfect score, that you would forever alter, just like the pooper would have forever altered his relationship.

I don't people sit at a table with me after that.

They're like, he's perfect.

I don't even know how to relate to the guy anymore.

So, yeah, because remember, I said zappa, I was going to say zappa, and then I'm like, there's too many zappa answers.

Yeah, but

I had to pick one that was

an artist quote because all three were artists.

I knew that.

I knew it would be well played.

I knew it would trip you up.

Yeah.

Yeah, I had to do it.

I do feel that.

I'd let me grounded, though.

I do feel, I do, you know what?

I didn't think I would, but I do feel a twinge of sadness, though, because it would have been nice to.

Yeah, well, that'll never be for me.

I've accepted it.

Why can't you?

So that's it.

So this is the second in the series next week.

Yeah,

we have another mystery guest going to sit in Q's chair next week.

Who will it be?

That's what everyone's going to be like all week long people will be now like guessing going in you know keep that's keeping that mystery guest

in the dark.

You know, that'll give people a reason to

think about TSD in between episodes.

Because this episode won't.

But thank you, Frank Vi, for sitting in.

I've always wanted to do an episode just with you because you're my favorite.

He's an interesting guy.

You're my favorite, Frank.

Oh, thank you.

He likes you more than the dead one.

His cousin.

The rapist, like, weird guy.

But there's also Frank Three.

Frank Three?

Yeah.

Frank Three, Devil.

We haven't seen Frank Three in Soul.

He's about to lose his status.

He's MIA.

We don't know where he's been.

We don't seen or heard from him in years.

Yeah, he was last seen at a fish concert.

Thank you to us

for having us, inviting us into your home.

Yeah.

If I came up to New York,

I would try to stay here.

I would want to stay overnight.

You could stay here, Eddie.

Do you have a guest room?

I can't stay in the same room as you guys?

How many guest rooms?

One.

Oh, fuck.

One and three couches.

So, me?

Well, you didn't get a perfect score.

I get the bedroom.

Yeah.

You came up with the game.

You deserve the bedroom.

I don't even deserve the couch.

I'll sleep on the floor.

I have a couch.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Shire,

well I want to spoil the brands.

Clearing the sounds, I can voice the base to lose class.

Why you are the entire

life of every street bike?

Trust

It seems you fall, it's your

move.

It's hopeful for someone

to go.

I came with overthrown, a half beyond steel.

Or is it that you

believe?

I'll take the crossbars and drive in this course.

This weary travel and you are discourse.

Vast entity shift in the fire.

Scared reality

of your thoughts.

I go away, escape, the rest was again.

This cluster was like a ball for some

creature.

Searching for logic in every thought.

Reality has always been an obstruct.

I've been assessing to find the answers.

I've got to dream it to find it in restaurants.

Saturated with the blessed among us, take consistence

overwhelmed by the importance of our own beliefs and religions.

It seems you want

to

move.

Smoke is all with nowhere to go.

A king with overthrown a hunt meet up still.

Where is it that to you below?

I'll take the cars, boss, and drive in this place.

This weary travel is pure.

I skeptic shifted the thought.

Escape the identity of your voice.

Fuck away away, okay?

So it's closing.

This class is like a bomb for some

Okay, time for this week's dyslexia.

And right off the bat, full disclosure: I screwed up last week.

I gave the wrong clue last week for the very first

clue was wrong.

Last week, the first clue was

wealth Walkman.

Yeah, that really should have been poor Walkman.

I don't know why I threw out a synonym

out there, but you know,

but again, I apologize, and

the answer was iPad rich.

Clue one,

wealth walkman was iPad rich.

Clue two,

e-evasive, that was Frank 3.

And clue number three, poorly minimum.

That was Maxwell.

The theme, obviously, was all people who have been mentioned or have appeared on Tell him Steve Dave.

And, you know, while I beat myself up all week for giving the wrong clue last week, I do have to say the very first person who emailed in

got the answers right.

I don't know how he did it.

I mean, he is easily the most unilateral thinker amongst our listeners' base because he got it right even with wrong clues.

And I just want to give a shout out to this dude.

He might be the most unilateral thinker of all Tell'em Steve Dave listeners, and that's Ben Kazlon.

And Ben's going to get

a free mini Prussian kissing devil skull.

Pico, say, I am.

I mean, he must be.

I don't know what Ben does for a living, but obviously it's something cerebral.

All right, this week's clues.

And we're changing it up a little this week.

Tell you that the skulls sales have really rebounded.

They are at, we are at

alarmingly low levels of skulls right now, so much so that I don't have to give them away for free anymore.

Actually, thinking about raising the price, bumping it up five bucks because once these are gone, they're gone.

So, if you're interested in getting the last bit of

mini skulls, you may want to do it right now.

Before I raise the price to $29.95, if you want to get in now at $24.99,

go to tellhamsteved.merchtable.com and order yourself one because, like I said,

there's not many left, so much so that we have to

abandon giving them away.

And now we're going to give it away

glossy signed 8x10s

of Baron von Flanagan.

Got some made up for our

signing a couple weeks ago.

I have a a few left, and I'm going to use that as our giveaway to the winner for this week's dyslexia.

All right, so this week, clue one

is

gloomy eyes.

Clue one, gloomy eyes,

clue two,

pliable

three

plant,

pliable three plant and finally clue three

limp vitamin

Okay, limp vitamin.

Okay, so if you get those answers, get all three of those answers correct along with the theme, first person who emails in to KMUS2, that's K-M-E-W-E-S-2 at Gmail.

The first person who gets all those clues right, plus the theme is going to get a signed glossy 8x10

of the Baron.

And

good luck to you all.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir only at Smodcast.com.