The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Mike Recine - Episode 80

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Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.

Mike Racine is back.

Fan favorite.

It's good to be back.

Thanks for coming, Mike.

You're welcome.

We are reeling from the results of this illegal election of Mr.

Donald Trump.

It sucks.

We're not going to get a January 6th.

No.

We were about to get one if Kamala.

If it was close.

If she stole it.

Yeah, but now we're not even going to get round two.

Yeah.

It would have been better this time.

It would have been interesting.

They know

the floor plan.

Right.

They know where the baby dungeon is.

Yeah, yeah.

The rape dungeon.

Last time they got confused.

Yeah.

They were like taking selfies and stuff, and now they're in Guantanamo.

Yeah, that's funny.

No, they didn't.

And a lot of them are in jail for a while.

For like...

Yeah.

Just for walking around.

For that.

Yeah.

It's kind of unfair if he has to.

Party on Pelosi's chair and stuff.

Yeah.

Did they actually?

Did someone shit on Pelosi's desk for real?

I don't think that actually happened.

Yeah.

I think that was the thing people were saying.

People said.

That guy was awesome, though.

Who?

The guy.

Oh, Big O?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Big O,

he had a very, like, he was very shrill.

Right.

Don't say that.

People say that about men, and it's sexist.

Okay, sorry.

He was a lot like Lindy West.

That's true.

Yeah.

What's going on?

How's everyone doing?

I'm good.

Yeah.

It's like, it's definitely winter now.

Yeah.

This is pretty, this is like, it feels like it's two o'clock.

Yeah, it's like cold all of a sudden.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's cold.

Dark.

And it's late.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We went to Starbucks and Nick asked the brief if he was schizophrenic.

No, I didn't ask him if he was.

Why?

The guy had his hand up his apron and I didn't see it.

He had a gun.

And so like his chest was like moving like this yeah and then his hand came out from the top of the apron and I was like oh I didn't realize your fucking hand was in your apron I thought you look like like an alien you know like the movie alien and the guy was like

okay yeah and like just gave me nothing it's really I hate it when you try to connect with people and then it just doesn't that's what I was saying yeah yeah is that you know did people act like I mean

Yeah.

Okay, all right, sorry for fucking talking to you.

That happened to me.

I was on the street a couple days ago, and this lady was with her dog, and the dog had a little choke collar.

And I said, oh, I need one of those for my dog.

We started talking about choke collars.

And then her husband comes out of the store, and then he goes back in.

But then he comes out again.

We're still talking.

And I go, oh, yeah.

And then I turned to the husband.

I said, we were just talking about dog collars.

You know, I don't want you to beat my ass or anything.

And the lady was like, I didn't like it.

No.

They didn't.

Yeah, they didn't find it funny.

I was just making a joke.

I said, I want this guy to beat my ass.

Everyone hates us.

What the fuck?

Everyone hates us.

What happened?

We used to be cool.

We used to be the coolest guys.

We used to be the coolest guys.

Me never.

But

all my interactions.

The popular.

Our interactions were always like that.

That's never been, you know, if I try to just

like if I'm in line at the grocery store.

Yeah.

It's not happening.

Right.

Because somebody like Annie Letterman's good at that, the little interactions.

Well, she's a woman.

Women, yeah, they like talking to them better than us.

I think it's if you're if you're a man, the only thing you can say to a stranger is working hard or hardly working.

Right, right.

If you say anything outside of that, you're a rapist.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

But my grandfather was really good at that for some reason.

Because he's old.

That's basically like he's old.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because he was very good at getting strangers to just kind of open up, talk to them.

I thought that about my grandfather, but then I realized that he was just kind of being sexually inappropriate.

Oh, was he?

Yeah.

I used to think he was like so smooth with girls

when I was like 12.

And then as an adult, I'm like, oh, he was just a weird old man.

Oh, yeah.

yeah.

I think my other grandfather was like that a little bit.

But my

other, my mom's dad, who's still alive, actually, about to turn 98.

Mazzle told him.

Yeah,

he was very charismatic and just made friends like everywhere.

But you're right, he was.

I only knew him as an old man.

My grandfather, we were at an Applebee's once.

Yeah.

And the waitress was like, what's wrong, sir?

This is the whole episode.

Yeah.

Just bad stuff.

It's fine.

It's fine.

It's fine.

And she said, what's wrong, sir?

He said,

I'm going, I have an operation tomorrow

at the hospital.

She said, is everything all right?

And he said, I have angelitis.

And she got really confused, but on her name tag, it said Angela.

And he said, I have angelitis.

He kept repeating it.

This poor woman was just very confused.

But he made

he had the disease of wanting to fuck a lady named Angela.

That he was that he had to have, I don't know what what the operation would be, having his penis cut off.

And he was like, I still got it.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, wow, this guy's the king.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's weird watching like older family try to get pussy sometimes.

Like we went to like a diner, me and my dad and my uncle, and it was called like the wisdom diner.

And then so we're like paying the bill and there's the um cashier and my uncle's like, so Mike, do you feel like you're any more wise today after eating here?

And uh it's just like he was trying to like make a joke to the cashier.

Yeah.

They probably loved that.

Yeah.

I'm just like, oh, it's funny watching my uncle try to,

you know, it's disgusting.

What if she was like, I'll suck your dick right now?

Yeah.

I'm off and play.

She just takes him out of the car.

I know you're with your behind a few.

But we can do it in the car.

He makes you wait outside the car.

Like Tiger Woods' dad.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But.

Yeah.

I had that today.

I had an audition.

Uh-huh.

And I was telling you guys before, but they were like, can you stand back and stand up and do a full-body slate?

And I was at my desk.

I said, well, I'm not wearing pants, of course.

Yeah.

And they were like, well, shorts are okay, but like, really, you should be wearing pants.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, I'm just goofing.

Yeah.

And I think I sexually harassed a casting agent in Hollywood.

And I think I pretty much killed my acting career.

And she was like, bad and not being acting.

and not being able to act.

I auditioned for Abbott Elementary a couple weeks ago.

But, you know, whatever.

To play Janelle James.

Yeah, to take her part.

Yeah, to be her stand-in.

Are you auditioning for that one, Nick?

Abbott Elementary?

No, the one that I did today.

I don't know.

It's probably the same one.

I don't want to commit that.

Don't do the pants joke.

That's all I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah.

They didn't like the pants joke.

Don't say your husband's going to beat you.

Honestly, actually, on second thought, do the pants joke and

see if they're used to it.

And they go, oh, I get it.

And they make a connection.

Actually, that's a good thing.

They're like, this is the first time.

I'm going to get a little bit dick in to make the pants joke again.

And then maybe she'll get it.

They're like, this is the first time I'm hearing it.

This guy's hilarious.

And then she goes, oh, that was a funny joke.

It's something about the delivery in this guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was.

I felt bad.

I had to tell the agent's flustered assistant that I potentially said offend

the Hollywood casting agent.

I've done some pretty embarrassing things in casting rooms.

You put the dress.

What's that?

You put on the dress?

Yeah.

That's what Cat Williams has been.

I took an audition class once, and it just like, you know, it's funny.

It's taught by Ian Finance, of course.

You got to get on the casting couch.

He used to book a shit ton of commercials.

Did he?

He did, yeah.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Yeah.

He's very cashy.

He did one for Jet Blue or something, I remember.

Yeah, that was a whole campaign.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he would always take the non-union lump sum and just blow the residuals.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

He would have got

four times as much money.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just in a slower way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's very cassable.

Very funny guy.

Yeah.

He's very, if you're looking for that, you know, you're going to, if that's what you're looking for, you're going to go with EA.

Disgusting.

Disgusting, man.

Yeah.

But yeah.

So congratulations to Mike.

You're a candidate one for the election.

Thanks.

Yeah.

You've been hammering Israel just to do a little,

what is it, like

psyop against the Democratic Party, who is always against it from the get-go.

Yeah, that's sort of, I'm going to play the long game.

They're against this thing from the get-go.

Well, that's how I can start doing Holocaust denial.

You start start off by being like, oh, Palestine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The long con.

Yeah.

You know, I got to tell you, it's funny because we're talking about, I guess we're talking about little failures and stuff, you know?

And it's like, I did spend a good amount of time last year

talking about this stuff.

But then it's like, what did it, it didn't really do much for me either way.

You know what I mean?

Did you expect it to?

No, I didn't expect it to.

I'm just saying, like.

You thought Fallon would be like, I saw that tweet.

I wouldn't do anything differently.

I wouldn't do anything differently, but I think I burned some bridges for sure.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like to perform in Israel, you mean?

No, I guess just with other people.

Oh.

Yeah, well, fuck them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My kid got his purple belt in karate.

Okay.

Pretty good.

It's a high.

What do you have to learn for that?

I don't know.

They do a belt test every couple months.

There's no way.

I don't have any belts.

I can kick your kid's ass.

No problem.

Do you think?

I mean, I wouldn't.

Yeah.

It wouldn't feel feel good.

Yeah.

But to prove karate wrong, maybe.

Maybe, yeah.

Potentially.

Yeah, but

you would need somebody like in your...

Wait, we should find like a three-year-old version of you.

Oh, my God.

I would have got sat on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I only fought like smaller than me.

It seems like kind of, because

the purple belt is the purple belt.

You know what I mean?

And it seems sort of dumb to be giving those to children.

Why?

I don't think you should really be able to earn any belt until you're a fully grown adult.

Yeah, but you got to incentivize them to keep coming back, I think.

And come on back.

Yeah.

Well, it's like

it's not a full purple belt.

It's a purple belt with a stripe on it.

Oh.

So it's like the kids' version of the purple belt.

Oh, okay.

Well, then, yeah, problem solved.

Yeah.

And you should have said that.

He should have said he had the baby one.

He got his baby purple belt.

You're acting like it's impressive.

Yeah,

I am.

Nick and I could do that with our eyes closed.

Yeah, you probably could.

Yeah, does it have to fight other kids?

No.

There's not much fighting in karate.

I don't.

It's just honor.

Well, it's like choreography, and then at the end, there's like you punch boards and then they give you a belt.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they let you do it like three or four times.

Yeah.

That's when I was in karate sometimes.

I remember not being able to break the board on the first try.

Who's your sensei?

This guy.

His name was

Sabu Nim.

But he's a white guy.

He did Taekwondo.

He's a white guy.

Yeah, it's a white guy.

Yeah.

In New Jersey.

I did Taekwondo in New Jersey.

Oh, that's the kicking one.

That's the Korean one.

Korean one.

Yeah, it's blocked.

Remember that early internet gore video?

It was in Virginia.

There was like a dojo, but it was like a redneck karate dojo who's owned by some ex-Marine.

And they invited in this mentally disabled black guy who was like, I'm a grand master.

And I know I know.

I was basically the fucking Michael Jackson impersonator.

They brought him in, and then he had one of his, like, they've recorded it on video to show how powerful their karate is.

And the guy just like, you know, he's not even doing karate, just throws the guy to this ground and starts stomping on his head until the guy's like unconscious.

And then you just drag him out the back, bleeding.

Uh-huh.

And they're like, that's the power of our dojo.

And it's like, yeah, but the guy, they leave the part in in the beginning where it's clearly like, I mean, this is radio.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I know I've made a lot of radio references in the last six days on this podcast Nick goes through phases he's Wallace and Gromit radio no it's just you know I mean that's an it's funny I wish I could brush up a little bit before the show you know yeah we should give you the prep materials more like your teeth no like what what like on what you're watching so I can comment on it well I'm not watching radio it's just an easy easy reference but if you're gonna reference it I would like to tag you can pretty much point it at anything and say oh this is like radio.

Yeah.

And then people are like, oh, ha ha ha, that movie.

The election is like radio, basically.

A retarded guy was.

Did you see that Elon Musk cheated because they used Starlink at some of the.

So they rigged the election for Donald Trump with Starlink.

With the internet?

That's what I'm hearing from people.

With very highly respected Twitter accounts like Mueller She Wrote or Brooklyn Dad Defiant.

Okay.

Okay.

They're telling us that.

JoJo from Jersey.

It's nice that those people haven't given up, though.

Well, they all get paid.

Are they?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're all

paid by the Democrats.

I want to see

the expense report from the Kamala campaign.

Well, those guys were already doing it anyways, and then they were like, hey, we'll give you some cash to do this.

So they're probably getting nothing.

They probably feel pretty stupid.

What about the Krassensteins?

They're like wild cards, right?

They're not paid by anybody.

They're probably paid.

Yeah.

I mean, they were burning.

They spent a billion dollars in what?

How long was there?

She became the candidate in June.

Yeah.

So July, August, September, three months they spent

fucking October, four months, they spent a billion dollars.

Yeah.

You know.

Some people got rich off this shit.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Megan the Stallion got

five million

for one song.

So sick.

Well, they had to pay Oprah like $10 million just to come out on stage.

She's a billionaire.

And be like, uh, well, that's how you become a billionaire.

You hustle.

Well, no, it's like you don't turn down $10 million.

Yeah.

That's why you'll never be even,

you'll never have a quarter million dollars.

Me?

Yeah.

Because you're

not mine.

I'm not going to be able to do it.

Not even close.

Somebody will be like, hey,

I'll give you $20,000 to respond to this.

I'll make it.

I'll make it tomorrow.

You'll be like, no, I'm not.

No.

I'm sorry.

He was kind of bitching about that before the

show.

Before I arrived?

What's that?

About my money?

He was talking about an email that you didn't respond to.

I had the call with him today.

He said there's like nine emails that you need to respond to.

No, I had the call.

He said there's an email thread, Adam, where they say.

I had the call today with the advertiser.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

At four today.

I just want to make sure.

You're on the thread.

I'm glad that I didn't respond.

That's what's going on right now.

No, I'm legitimately just tired.

Mike's not saying that.

No, no, Mike said.

That's on me.

That's on me.

I admit it.

No, I'm glad Mike said it.

No, I'm just saying, because he brought it up.

We're airing out everything.

I casually mentioned it.

I said,

Adam's lady's got a phone call, and I said, there's this email thread.

There's like 15 fucking emails.

It was a long time.

I didn't remember.

There's four people at the company that's the email.

Okay, hold on.

The lady, there's four, if there's frantic, first of all, this has happened a million times with this lady, too.

Where she's like, if there's some reason you can't make a fucking 10-minute phone call, please.

She's always pissed off.

Right.

Because the emails go unanswered.

Right.

And

then after this was scheduled, there's another email: like,

hey, guys, we're saying bye.

She quit.

She quit her fucking job.

She's.

Over Adam?

She's going to.

You drove a woman to quit her job.

She's leaving her.

She's leaving the country to go teach in a foreign country.

Teach English in foreign countries.

So maybe I helped her.

Because just a couple of emails.

Maybe one helped emails from Adam.

And she got to help the fuck out of the country.

Maybe I helped her, actually.

She's going to Israel to teach.

No, they like they advertise.

because it's like a website it's a potential sponsor you got to sign up for the website right and he agreed he said yeah i'll handle that right you got to sign up just do this i know but you didn't sign up for like a week and a half where they keep texting you asking you to do it and then you go to sign up sign up

yesterday you have to order some sherry's berries well you go to sign up yesterday and the lady's like you know just go sign up and then i see i can see the chat i guess i'm in the text message yeah and he's like is there a promo code and they're like do you need that to just open an account they asked for it.

And then, you know, it's not like he has to spend money on anything.

He's just opening an account.

And then

it was like a reflex for you, right?

This day and age.

He's like, what if you schedule a trust issue and then it can come up?

It's a great

question.

He responds with his, he says, Adam Friedland, New York.

No, they asked.

Next text.

No, they asked name, show email, text message.

Go back.

She back it makes sense what I said.

No, no, no.

It makes sense.

See, you know what's up?

I'm going to be vindicated.

I'm about to be vindicated.

This show needs like...

they said name, email, and then state.

This show needs a party from the Larry Sanders show.

If you can confirm with them on the email they sent, that would be great.

This is the woman right here.

Yeah, she goes, hey, she's the one that hates Adam.

Yeah, don't say life in the country.

Don't say no to the country.

I fixed her life.

I fixed her life.

This is a different lady.

Don't say any of these words out loud because we don't want any more editing.

But hey, again, guys, my team is feeling frustrated by the lack of response.

Adam, can you confirm you will be doing the onboarding call for this player?

And then Adam says I'll do it now I'll do it now like and then it's like a shitty teenager yeah right well that's what I mean it's like it's like a 15 year old being like I don't know how the laundry machine works

and then she goes he goes thank you if you can confirm with them on the email they sent that would be great and then he goes is there a promo code such a piece of and then she goes why not signing up they asked for a promo yeah but this is a different so disrespectful it's a different conversation she's just asking you to respond to an email that disrespectful you say is there a promo code she goes i'm not sure When you let the team know you can do the onboarding call, they can give you more information.

She's using exclamation.

I know.

Mark's like, she's trying to be excited.

And then he goes, they're asking for it.

It's signing.

I got a snack.

And you can't proceed without one.

I don't know how the launching machine is.

And he goes, and you can't proceed without one?

And then he responds.

Adam Free Law.

Don't say my email.

Don't say my email.

It's like your grandma's trying to.

Yeah, I know.

No, but he's doing this on purpose.

He wants to make, he's trying to, like.

Oh, you're doing weaponized incompetence.

Right, exactly.

He's trying to make this lady see.

He's like, look how difficult this is.

So he's posting his.

Adam, that's so sweet.

At my last job

ever,

like day job, I was at an all-women's divorce law firm.

And they would just constantly be going to the bathroom and the doctor.

And because I was a man, they'd be like, oh, of course you don't understand Excel.

You're a man.

And I'd be like, yeah, of course I don't.

And I would just, yeah, I weaponized my incompetence to just be in the file room reading people's divorce.

And then this is the high.

They are always going to the doctor.

My wife was a doctor today.

Hi, everyone.

I hope everyone is doing well.

I just want to introduce you to our new sales associate, Blank.

Blank will be handling copy onboarding air checks and vetting.

There's everything that there's a problem.

Yeah, this is someone who wants to just give you money, and all you have to do is read a little bit.

All you have to do is respond to the emails and answer the phone.

As we welcome her onto the team, we unfortunately will be saying goodbye to the woman.

She drove her quick.

She's been a huge asset to the team the past two and a half years, helping us.

She's been great.

She's a huge asset.

Helping us internally, but all of you as well.

She's taken her talents to another country to teach English.

So that's, you know how badly you have to fucking piss somebody off when they're like, they just drop their career and go to teach English.

And you know what's funny?

She sent a text with the exclamation mark.

You know, You know, she was trying to

get supportive.

That's a different lady.

That's a whole different whose job it is to like buffer some of this.

Sure.

Yeah.

But I'm saying she said she was like trying to be positive.

Where you could tell she's probably crying at her desk, but she's like, all you have to do is.

It's not because of me.

It's because

it probably has to be like, you know, he's not responding to the email.

And then she has a boss that's like, why the hell isn't this done?

Yeah.

She's like, I'm sending the emails.

And they're like, how hard is it?

Like, you're doing something wrong.

You're not communicating properly to our client.

Yeah.

You know, and that's why this stuff isn't getting done.

She's like, it's not my fault.

Do you know what I would do with $20,000?

Was it $20,000?

I don't know what it was.

Blow it on fucking Italian bullshit.

What are you talking about?

This is

a fucking track suit.

Yeah, yeah.

You go on like a

restaurant and take pictures of a Deb eating like chicken porn.

Okay, well, I don't have a right to enjoy my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's turn it on him.

Turn it on him who supported you as a spineless bastard.

Yeah, you fucking greasy water.

What's wrong with going on?

Oh, my God.

What's wrong with going on up?

I'm surprised you're right.

I'm

sliding off the chair without all the oil.

What's wrong with going on up?

Mr.

Mariner over here.

Deb would love that.

Oh, Principesa over here.

Principes.

Dev would love that.

I didn't kill her.

She's getting her groove back, like Stella.

She's going to get.

She's finding herself.

She's in Sudan right now.

That's where she's teaching her.

I don't know.

Yeah, she went to Palestine

to teach English to bulldozers.

They're learning

more.

They love bulldozers, huh?

Well, it's crazy.

It's like, you know, people are like, don't say that to yourself.

It's not a genocide.

It's like, this is like, why do they have military bulldozers?

Do other militaries have military bulldozers?

Yeah.

I don't know.

That seems like China.

I think China does.

I don't think they do.

Yeah, it's a China thing.

No, they don't.

It's a China thing.

And the bulldozers are for just to get rid of the buildings.

They're for bulldozing people's houses.

Yeah.

Why?

Because they want to put a day them busters there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But sometimes they bulldoze.

It's like there's bodies

of people who are.

Dove it in busters.

Yeah.

And you see this Amsterdam thing?

That was pretty crazy.

Uh-huh.

The soccer fight?

No, look at the name.

Look at what it's called.

Adam Faggot.

No.

You got a special kind for for you?

You had a deal?

No, I've written in.

They haven't made a special kind yet.

Look at the name.

Oh, you went to the Apple store and they burnt that on you.

Look at the name.

It's ATL Mitt.

No, it's not.

He's lying.

It says Adam Faggot.

No, it's what they have, and it's what rappers, it's kind of a trap style of vape.

Anyway, what were we talking about?

Oh,

he's watched like 10 years ago.

Yeah, I know.

But that's the last time you got 20,000.

Don't defend yourself.

Listen, you supported him, and he doesn't even respect that.

No, he was trying to kick up drama in the first place.

Don't forget where that started with him fucking being like all the way.

Thank you, Nick.

It's us against the world.

It is.

It's truly us against the world.

I'm explaining why he's going to be here at five.

He's got a phone call he has to make.

No, I had that on dish.

That was a phone call.

Okay, but

there's a phone call you had to have with Uber.

I sexually harassed the lady and then took the phone call from the Uber.

But that's what I'm saying, is there's a phone call.

Whatever.

It doesn't matter.

You're trying to kick up, you know.

It's his fault.

I guess I shouldn't have done that.

You shouldn't have.

I thought it could have led somewhere funny.

I thought it was pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I was really encouraged.

I'll take your side.

I'll over if you want me to.

You don't really have to actually.

You really don't.

I don't have a side here.

I just

want to go for that lady.

Yeah.

She didn't quit her job because of me.

If you look at these emails.

There's no way in hell.

If you look at these emails, this is the limit at a workplace.

There's someone before you're bringing a gun to the office.

That's like the maximum

The way women are treated in this country, it's not, I didn't do it.

She could even be like a single woman.

Women are tired right now.

They're exhausted.

She's a family mother.

And she's leaving the child to go get her groove back.

She's going to go get backwalled while she's

in a foreign land.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe you made her leave her family.

Come on, man.

There's a baseless accusation.

I hope we get a new nanette out of the next four years.

I hope so, too.

And I hope she's fatter than ever.

Yeah.

What, racing?

Wider.

not necessarily fat.

Wider, yeah, like a brick shithouse.

Right.

What race?

Yeah.

Oh, white, of course.

But you think it'll be another Australian lady?

I don't know.

I think it's like, you know, because all of the,

at least in entertainment, maybe not in other industries, I feel like a lot of the, like, oh, we need diversity is an answer to Donald Trump.

A lot of that's cynical, right?

Yeah, of course, dude.

It's fucking Trump gets elected and then there's.

It's a a vapor.

I don't really care.

Yeah, I don't really rip dabs that often, dude.

Do you never check clouds before?

It's like steam.

It's like cold steam.

No, it did.

It messed up my throat a little bit.

Fuck.

What's the matter?

I just hurt my knee.

You did?

I'm going to take you to the hospital.

Interesting.

No, I'll take you to the hospital.

We're all like disintegrated.

It's us against the world.

No one respects us.

Yeah, I'm sorry that I tried to pit you guys against the business.

No one knows what it's like to be the sad man.

Let me make my flagrant three point here.

Let's hear this.

This has been the hardest year of my life.

Yeah.

Well, it's about to get harder because I feel like

we're having like a, it's going to be like in the next Trump years sort of like

a white man recession, basically.

Okay.

Where it goes two ways.

The guys that get off above the break, they're really raking in the fucking cash.

But anybody below that, you're fucked.

You're like Bennigans.

You're out of here.

You're done, pal.

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah.

White boys up when a boring Democrat is the president.

Shane hostess and I agree.

I agree.

Shane gets fired.

Trump's president.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Think about it that way.

The Shane maxim.

Yeah.

It's going to be.

But now, but

because those decisions are made cynically, they're looking at the guys that have been printing over the last four years and they're going to say, well, we'll keep those ones.

Yeah, we want a little peace.

Yeah.

But then we'll still have have to, you know, kind of, we need some kind of wiggle room here.

Yeah.

So, Mike Racine, you're out.

So I don't think I'm out.

No, Mike, you better learn wheelchair.

You better learn wheelchair.

Get ready to learn wheelchair.

It just paralyzed me.

Ben comes to pick me up.

And you guys are trying to paralyze me.

I'm doing this for our family.

Why are you always on my ass?

He's hitting my spine.

I'm non-binary.

I got wheels.

ben thinks it's cool i do have a fighting spirit though what happens if they send abortion to the states and then all of the states are like

oh yeah we have a well they have and a lot of them and the majority of the states are like yeah it's protected now

so how long until the rest of the states do that right what was it 10 states

it's like the south right well it was like 10 states that had it as a ballot option right to put it in the cost in florida i think in florida and i think south dakota all i I know is I, instead of voting for Dan Goldman, my congressman, I wrote in Hind Rajab.

Because a girl came up to me with a flyer and she said, can you do this?

She's the new host of the Tonight Show?

Yeah.

Yeah, she's got a show on Peacock.

Yeah, she's got a.

She's really funny.

Yeah, but what happens if all the states then...

Say, yeah, we're putting it in the state concept, which is weird that states have a constitution.

Right.

That seems dumb.

Right.

Like,

what the fuck is the point of that?

Yeah, exactly.

What could possibly be that different?

Yeah.

I guess the abortion thing.

I guess the abortion thing.

My question is, what happens if it goes to the states and then all the states,

like, or the majority of them are like, yeah, we have, now we have protection.

Is that...

a higher level of protection than it existed prior because it was just resting on like a what Roe v.

Wade, which is just a decision.

I don't know.

Is it?

But can they?

Mike, you went to Lawrence.

I'm looking for a silver lining here.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It doesn't sound like in certain states that they would do that.

Certainly.

Well, in Florida, no.

Yeah.

And in South Dakota, no.

Yeah, in Texas, probably no.

Alabama.

Did Texas vote on that?

Texas has made it really, really hard.

Yeah.

Like next to impossible.

Indiana, too.

I think there's like one facility in the middle of

the desert.

It's just a line out there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like impossible to access.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a big ass state.

Yeah.

I mean, like, it's, it's, it seems

it's bad, right?

It's got to suck, though, getting pregnant when you don't want to be.

How many bodies do you think Donald Trump caught, though?

Yeah.

In his day.

For sure.

It's got to be like 75.

He's got to be the,

he's, he's a butcher.

I mean, this, man is,

this man,

he should have a teardrop for each one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That'd be a lot.

I'm a real gay.

I don't know.

It's a nice thing, too.

Also, the way that

the way that like the way the girls talk about it, they're a little too.

No, every time it happens, it's a really sad thing for everyone involved.

Yeah.

You know?

Especially.

It's not like this is awesome.

Especially that innocent, beautiful little baby.

Yeah, that alive.

Genius.

Yeah.

could have cured cancer.

And what's this hands-made handmaiden tail thing that people are doing?

Yeah, they're wearing the costume from the show.

Oh, that's the new thing.

That seems kind of restrictive.

Like you're going to have like a like

an awareness campaign or an activism campaign about how women are now, you know, like

oppressed by the state because they don't have those protections anymore and they could potentially lose them entirely at the federal level if there's a ban.

But to to participate, you have to have an Amazon Prime account and have seen this show.

Like you need to watch this stupid fucking show to know

what is the handmaiden's tale?

Some fucking

handbooks.

Some shit about how

they make them have babies or something.

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know.

That's a dark thing.

compared to four years ago when it was like the pussy hats, which were, you could just make yourself.

Yeah.

Right.

And they were cool.

They looked good.

Yeah.

You could make that yourself.

There was no like it was just a pink hat, basically.

Yeah, right.

It wasn't like, oh, well, you have to get it, you know, you have to buy it on Amazon.

You know, if you don't have an Amazon official, you know, you have to have a TV.

Right.

Yeah.

You have to have a streaming service.

A streaming service.

Yeah.

Right.

Right, right.

Whatever this is.

4B.

What is that?

What is it?

Is it like a Korean thing?

4B?

Yeah.

No, that's, you're thinking of BTS.

Oh, okay.

What is that?

I thought it's a movement.

But it's a movement.

Should we Google it?

Should we look it up on the phone?

No.

No, I think that's a waste of time.

Yeah.

I think we should keep guessing and just saying things.

Yeah.

Oh, you're Googling.

What's it called?

No.

Probably means four pitches.

Four pitches.

Yeah, I don't know, dude.

Like, uh, they're clueless.

Girls?

Yeah, they're like doing, they're dressing like fucking Katniss Eberdeen and shit now.

No, that's a different show.

That's Hunger Games.

That's Hunger Games.

I think they're dressing.

I'm going to be the one that misinterprets it, and I dress in a full Nazi outfit.

And I'm like, what, it's a man in the high castle.

I thought we were all doing

to protest Trump.

Yeah, this is

what we're going to happen.

Oh, I did the wrong show.

I'm sorry.

I said that to my wife the other day because she was mad at me for something.

And I said, said, you know what?

Why don't I just dress up?

I'll comb my hair to the side and I'll wear a little mustache and I can just be the villain that everybody wants.

That works.

I walked by like

either like

was it Satabee's or fucking Barclay or one of those like charity places on Park Avenue like six months ago and they were auctioning off the actual wardrobes from Game of Thrones.

And I said, sh should I go in here and shoot anybody that comes in and places a bid?

Yeah.

Should I kill anybody that's

participating in this auction?

Yeah.

I think I should.

I think somebody should.

I think if people are bidding on the clothes at like Christie's for Game of Thrones clothes, then somebody should be killing those people.

Yeah, they're spending like $100,000.

Right.

On like a sword.

With the whole outfit.

Oh, they get the whole outfit.

Yeah.

Oh, that's a different story.

And then how many do you buy at a time and what do you do with it?

I don't know if I'm mad.

And then you have to be four feet tall to fit into the movie.

I stopped hanging out with a friend when he started dating a new girlfriend who said that being a Game of Thrones fan is like being a part of a movement.

Like the Civil Rights Movement.

Like Civil Rights.

She said, like, civil rights.

She said, like, how people felt in the 60s during civil rights.

What was her reasoning?

Because you were

pushing something at the same time.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

And she also tried to put on the,

what do you you call it, the Hamilton soundtrack.

She's like, hey, guys, we like hip-hop.

Have you checked out this?

You know, I really can't.

I really couldn't deal with it.

It made me feel like a dickhead, but

they're happy.

What happened to those kinds of people?

I don't know.

I guess we just have less friends.

I mean, one of them is

one of them is on your podcast right now.

I've been, what, you like a, you're a Hamilton soundtrackton?

Well, I like, yeah, I liked Hamilton.

Oh, all right.

Yeah, I've told you that.

You knew that about me.

I did not know that.

I admit that it's good.

Yeah, it's good.

It's like undeniable that it's good.

It's a good song.

You guys are such fags who'd like say it's bad.

It's like objectively good.

Matt Christman, Felix Peterman.

Yeah, those guys are.

Yeah, those guys are fags.

Yeah, and Matt Christman's dead now.

Yeah, yeah.

No, he's not.

Right.

You're saying that?

Maybe if he was a little bit, if he had better taste, he wouldn't be in a wheelchair.

So that's what you're saying, Mike?

About our friend?

No.

That's a fucking fucking horrible thing to say.

I was just trying to say that Hamilton is good.

Jesus Christ.

I was just trying to say that Lin Manuel Miranda is really talented.

Colleagues and friends.

I didn't say our friend deserves to be in a wheelchair.

Matt's got a family, and you wish that upon him.

No, no, no.

I just said.

He was a fucking Lynn Manuel Miranda, dude.

You took sides.

No, no, no.

What is your fucking?

So you're into Gaza and Hamilton, dude?

Yeah.

You're the one of a kind.

You might be the only guy.

It's just, I think.

Sandwiches, Gaza, Hamilton.

You can't deny that the guy is a talented songwriter.

In the Heights has some good songs.

In the Heights is good.

In the Heights is objectively a good musical.

I'll play you some right now, actually.

All right.

I'm going to send you some.

Because it's like, it's real.

Listen, listen, listen.

Listen, listen, listen.

If you can remove yourself from how corny it is.

I can't.

Okay, well, some of us can.

It's great.

It's like

there's a song where the dude's working at the taxi dispatch, you know, and he's like singing the title.

They didn't have taxis during Hamilton.

But it came out in 2008.

No, I'm talking about In the Heights, his first musical.

What's that one about?

It's about living in Washington Heights.

So, like I said, it's very corny.

It's very corny.

It's like Sesame Street.

It is kind of like Sesame Street.

Do you feel like your estrogen level's going up?

I don't care.

I don't give a fuck.

I like what I like.

I'm not a shame.

You have a family.

You have a wife.

Who are Nick and I

to judge you?

Who are Nick and I to judge you?

But he's like, You've created life, you know.

Well, there's it's, I mean, I'm telling you, it's very corny, but he's like in the taxi dispatch, and he's like, Let's hear it.

We got traffic on the west side.

Get on the 75 and tell them, let's, you know, it's like he's, and you're right, but it's hard.

It's good.

And then the girl that he's in love with comes in.

She's like, hey, what's up?

He likes to sing.

They sing to each other.

That is fucking gay.

No, a lot of us fuck women and like musicals.

I like musicals too.

Fuck.

I like musicals too.

You didn't write a music.

No, no, no.

I like musicals.

We said Hamilton was bad, and then you came out

aggressively.

I didn't come off aggressively.

I'm just saying.

You're like, it's fuck you, Frank.

It's bad.

Hamilton's fucking awesome.

How would you say that, Christman?

I'm glad he's dead.

Not at all.

He's not dead.

Not dead, family.

He's doing much better.

He's our friend, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because of fucking Hamilton, you want to say that?

Awful, dirty, nasty stuff?

The election's over.

Can we all calm down?

Why are we tearing each other down?

I don't know.

We're all in the middle.

Matt Christman got a lot of things right, but

what he got wrong was his taste in music.

My only goal

is to stoke these fucking Starlink conspiracy theories as much as possible.

So if you're out there and you're upset about the election, look into it because I saw a very convincing video from a Latina network engineer who explained that Linux, the system that the satellites use, is incapable of adding numbers together.

So there's no way that a Linux system such as used in the Starlink satellites could possibly add the votes correctly.

It could only add them for Donald Trump.

And that checks out to me.

That sounds real.

It sounds smart.

I don't know what it means, but it sounds right.

And so I would believe that.

If you had the option to believe something, I would choose to believe that.

I want to see Kamala start

January 6th.

She won't do anything.

And then they have to

kill the vice president to not certify the election, so she accidentally gets killed.

She's probably relieved.

Joe Biden.

Joe Biden didn't want her to win.

Jesus Christ, you're on a roll today.

Kamala didn't want to be president, probably.

Yeah.

You know,

the craziest thing is, too, you know, somewhere in like a dark lair

when the results, when it was like, okay, there's no chance she's winning.

They're calling all the states.

You could almost like see the smile forming on Hillary Clinton's face.

Right.

Like the Grinch.

You know what I mean?

You know she was.

Yeah, you know she was fucking her just contorting and just grimacing at the idea that, yes, Kamala lost also.

Mm-hmm.

She's punching the gimp.

It's impossible for women to be president.

I don't think that's true no i'm saying like that's what they think oh that seemed to be a lot of the uh consensus they've never done it before i guess yeah yeah

it's crazy last time around they were like let's just try all of them at once we have a black lady chinese guy

indian lady different type of indian lady

you know neither of them are actually indian

Let's see, this is the funniest part is that there's been white liar.

Well, yeah, there's been two quote-unquote Indian women who could have become president.

And it's like, how do I know?

This is not a group I check in with often, but like, how do Indian women feel about that?

You know what I mean?

Nikki Haley?

Well, Nikki Haley and Kamala Harris are both Indian in the way that you were African American.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're probably upset, and they're probably pissed off in the writer's room of Abbott, Elementary.

Well, of all, because they've been mad about a lot of things over the last six years.

And it's like, this seems like the one thing you should be mad about.

I haven't heard a peep.

No, I know, right?

Yeah, yeah.

They're mad that people aren't liking the new Kendrick album the right way.

Yeah.

That's what they get mad about.

They're just listening to Kendrick and feeling like Malcolm X.

I wrote a 6,000-word essay in The New Republic about how Kendrick is going to decide the election

with

college-educated South Asian women.

He's a rapper.

I know.

Oh, okay.

I thought you just knew Hamilton.

I was just thinking about the greatest rapper, actually,

Lynn Manuel Miranda.

Sorry, I haven't been really present because I'm just thinking about

how talented that man is.

Because he writes raps about working at the botega.

Yo, I gotta make the coffee in my bottom.

So, when you say you like Hamilton, did you go see Hamilton?

No, I haven't seen it.

You just listened to it.

You saw that?

You just listened to it.

You listened to the CD?

On Spotify, yeah.

You didn't watch on Disney Plus?

One of these days, me and you, the three of us, we're going to take a little road trip.

We're going to go to Lake Hill.

I mean, we're going to go anywhere.

We're just going to drive around.

We're going to drive around Times Square in circles, and I'm going to play you some highlights from the Hamilton.

We're going to do doughnuts in Times Square.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let me just look at the songs real quick.

Okay.

Yeah, let's get on it.

Let's get on that.

Let's get right on that.

I mean,

but people have one of two reactions to it where they go, like,

they either go, this is the gayest shit I've ever heard, or they go, this is the greatest music.

I bet you're not.

I'm open to it.

And I think there's a...

Prove me wrong, dude.

What I don't like about it, what I didn't like about it from the get-go is it seems like it's something that's just, you start with the idea of like captivating an NPR audience, you know what I mean?

And so it's like one of those, like you know, it's like it's like a product that's driven by focus groups, you know what I mean?

Like the Edzole or something.

It's like this shitty thing where like we asked the consumers what they want, and then they come up with this

Mark Frankenstein monstrosity of like, you know, consumer trends.

And so the idea of like, how about a safe hip-hop historical musical?

Right.

You know, so it's like.

So you haven't heard a single,

No, I have.

Don't you like history?

Not that kind of history.

Okay.

Not like that.

You know.

Let me know when they do fucking,

you know,

six million.

We'll see about that.

Fucking

musical.

Opera?

Yeah.

It's like a revisionist.

Right.

Maybe Linda Moral for Manor Warrior.

World War I in colors.

But the doors were made out of wood.

That would have sealed the gas

what's whose joke are you more than even six million his are you laughing at his joke or my joke i was laughing i'm laughing at both your joke no you have to pick one mr pick sides i'm laughing at uh

well i guess i'll i'll go with adam oh the real gangsters was the guest

they kept great records who owned the slave ships and guess what they were

they were in retreat when they did to find solution.

They knew they were going to lose,

but they still want to kill the Jews.

Which never it didn't happen, obviously.

Yeah.

That's the saddest thing.

I just know.

That's the saddest thing about the Holocaust.

They were like, they'd already lost in Russia.

They were like, they knew they were going to lose.

They were like, we have to just

finish the job of one thing.

Well, because they didn't know where to put them.

It was like a logistics problem.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

They were like, we got all these people in prison.

They were like, well, we could release them.

And they were like,

no.

And now some of us are wondering.

Some of us are wondering.

Because some people think, not me, but that those weren't death camps.

They were just like where they taught them how to do manual labor.

They were like,

that's not real, right?

Because some people have said that.

No, we're being capable of doing that.

They were trying to.

Manual labor.

Maybe we stand up karma.

You know what?

It's crazy because it's like, you know, denialism has been this thing that like, you know, people get mad about over the last 60, however many years or whatever, that there's been so much room for the guys that just pretended like they were in the Holocaust.

You know, like

every once, every couple of years, they got to get top.

Oh, yeah, they just make up that they were there.

They're like, you know, they put me in the guest chamber every day.

Like, I wrote a memoir about it.

It was like a bestseller.

Yeah, right.

And then it's just, and like, that's a cool kind of guy to be.

That's a cool guy to be a liar.

Because it's like, you gotta, you got a nice couple years before they find out that you weren't in the Holocaust.

Well, you could be really despicable.

To kind of dig right off the holes,

the cloud chase.

All right, you got me.

But I kind of felt like I was in the camp.

Yeah.

My wife was yelling at me the other day, and it felt like I was.

My friend was like

trying to hook up with a girl.

Okay.

And she said she had a dream that they were both in the Holocaust together.

But it's like so funny what guys have to be like,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's cool.

She had a dream that her and I.

She was like hot.

Yeah, yeah, she was hot.

So he was like, she said, I had a dream we were in the Holocaust.

And he was like, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Of course.

Yeah, that's romantic.

That's cool.

I saw it.

Isn't there a pop-punk song about the Holocaust, about being in the Holocaust?

There's like a say anything song.

All the small things.

No, it's something.

I'll ask my wife.

Say anything?

Yeah, something like that.

That's a fun thing to plan to ask Steb.

Yeah.

You come in the door.

All right.

where are you what's what's the pop punk song about the holocaust ben shut up for a second yeah

yeah he's doing good though we're proud he's good we're proud of the boy yeah karate he's got a great attitude science school

yeah

yeah

you're raising him right it's good i'm able to like uh positively motivate him now which i wasn't able to do before because he didn't speak English.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah,

I put up a sign at our house that said English only.

Yeah, yeah,

he was learning Spanish at present.

It is, yeah, it is weird.

Sometimes your baby will like learn Spanish from a babysitter, and you're like, what the fuck are you doing?

That happened to me when I was a little kid.

Yeah, you used to watch like Univision and like Sabano Higancho and my babysitter.

You would?

Yeah.

If my babysitter taught my child a foreign language

without asking me, Because then they can keep secrets from you.

Sure.

Right?

Yeah, you just open their diary and it's all about it.

Yeah, no, who's dead, TNS.

My parents.

You got to bring it to the bodega or something.

My parents are a bit of a drink.

That's actually, there's a big episode of Seventh Heavens.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Lucy starts learning Spanish in school, and the father beats her nearly to death because

she could be speaking Spanish to boys on the phone.

They would have no way to know.

She has no idea.

Yeah.

You got to nip that in the bud.

Yeah.

Yeah.

my parents found like a massive crucifix in my room uh-huh and they were like we gotta get this bitch out of the house i remember it was critical babysitter yeah you just spent a lot of time with her yeah it was like i lived in l A when I was a little kid and she was Mexican and she was the best.

She was such a nice lady.

But

yeah, it was Christmas.

And I didn't even know that Mexicans or like Catholics liked having massive crucifixes.

But they were like, yeah, we should get her a Christmas gift.

And I was begging my parents because I I was like, She's Christian, so you have to get her like the biggest Christian cross,

like, because she'll love it because she's Christian.

Yeah, and they were like, We're not gonna get it, like, we're not gonna buy that.

We're not gonna go to the store and buy that.

They got her an old El Paso taco kit and stuff.

That was Adam's second choice.

Yeah,

I was trying to think of other Mexican stuff, but I got a low rider, Yeah, and they got her a 1964 Impala, a tank top where you could see the guy's nipples through it.

A second family.

Yeah.

They got a Dragon Ball Z shirt.

I don't know.

Is that Mexican?

Don't they like it?

Don't they like it?

I thought it was Japanese.

Yeah, but don't isn't that a thing that Mexicans like Dragon Ball Z?

No, black guys.

No, Mexican guys like

jesters.

Yeah.

Clowns.

okay yeah crazy joke the joker yeah

they are really

they are the best people on earth you know I was thinking about yesterday what happened in Boston Market didn't they go out of business I think I looked it up in Queens I think there is one a friend of mine I had a hankering for a Boston market chicken pot pie it's not as good as you remember it I was I don't remember it being good okay yeah but I I was like I want that

yeah yeah My friend Rob worked there for a long time.

But it's like, yeah, it's one of those places, like, you eat it as an adult and you go, oh, this is not great.

Yeah.

But I like the idea of it for sure.

How about Long John Silver's?

Is that bad?

I've never eaten there.

I've never had it.

I've never had an urge to.

Was it?

You know what I'm in the mood for?

Seafood that's ready in five minutes and it's named after underwear.

That's what I'm in the mood for for dinner.

Can I tell you something?

You'll be proud.

You'll be, I don't know.

We'll see.

I live above a McDonald's and a Popeyes, and I've lived in this apartment.

Is that the SpongeBob theme song?

Is your fucking life?

I live above a McDonald's and a Popeyes.

They're right next to each other, and I've never been to either one.

Oh, because your wife?

Yeah.

Just because I've decided

your life.

Who lives above a Popeyes and McDonald's?

Bum Mike.

Why pants.

Bum?

Yeah.

Bum, Mike, Wap, pants.

Wop pants.

Yeah, WAP pants.

And the track pants.

Okay.

I don't see how I'm a bum.

I don't know.

It sounds like Sponge.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Sponge is worse than bum.

It's really funny to call a woman a bum.

You're a bum.

Patrice would do that a lot.

You're a bum.

You bum, bitch.

Oh, God.

Man.

We can still legally do that now.

Thank God.

Yeah.

Thank God.

You're a bum.

I called somebody a bum a couple months ago.

A slob is really mean to call a girl.

Like, not even the mean girl words.

Just like.

Look at this slob.

I was hanging out with my friend once.

He got in a fight with his girlfriend.

He called her a fucking asshole.

That was kind of cool.

Who's that remember Neil Stastney?

Yeah.

He had that bit about like this girl wanting him to do dirty talk.

Oh, yeah.

I know.

Oh, he says, spread your bullshit legs.

Yeah.

He goes, he's like, sir, we're fucking,

you're so fucking stupid.

And we immediately stopped having sex.

That guy was funny.

He was a funny guy.

He was really funny.

Have you ever meeted Jesse Pop?

Yes, I want to say so.

Yeah.

He was a great, if you want a good stand-up album, Jesse Pop Used Stink, which you should find on Spotify.

Let's not promote

the guys that aren't even doing comedy anymore.

Well, people should hear the album.

It's good.

Jesse Pop and Hamilton.

It should be lost to them.

And Walmart.

Please check.

Ashes of Time.

Yeah, it should be.

Nick hates quitters.

That's why when I know someone that gets divorced, I stop talking to the man and the woman.

Okay.

Yeah, because they're fucking quitters.

A lot of people think I'm a quitter, but I just creep.

Right.

moss.

Okay, you know what I mean?

Right.

You're playing the long game.

I just move so slow you can't even tell.

Yeah.

It's like beyond the tortoise and the hair.

Sure.

I'm a fungus that will outlive both of them.

Sure.

So fuck your race.

Whatever it may be.

Why is it a race?

Why is it race?

You know, the tortoise and the hare.

Yeah, they had a race.

Oh, the race.

I thought you were being racist.

No, I didn't.

I forget.

I'm retarded.

It's too late, guys.

I had this idea for a children's book, and it's like, I don't know if you could write this, but imagine, like, it's the tortoise and the hare, and there's a opossum, and he's like a degenerate, like, he's like a bad father, but he bets on the tortoise to win the race,

and that's the story, and he wins, and then he fixes his life.

He hits his parlay.

He fixes his life.

But the possums are always moms.

Are they?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The male opossum doesn't.

Okay, well, I'm not like an animal expert or anything.

Yeah, clearly.

Yeah.

And he's driving home and he feels good for the first time in his life and he gets in a terrible car accident.

Yeah.

He gets run over.

You have means to produce something like that, right?

I'll draw it.

And,

you know,

you could finance it.

You could finance it.

Are you a good drawler?

No, no, no.

What financing is necessary?

You just put it on Amazon.

You can self-publish it.

Well, yeah, but I want you to be in on the ground floor.

You want to use my Amazon Prime account?

All right, sure.

Yeah.

I'll pay $9 a month.

You could be an investor.

we gotta check out this show anyway an investor in my story this horror tv show when i had management when i was like 24 i pitched them like a like a aesops fables thing but it would all be but i only had like two or three ideas yeah yeah isn't that funny i got management kind of early too and now i don't have i did not consider it early at the time but you were young i had been doing comedy like eight or nine years eight or nine years yeah but you were young but starting comedy at 16 is kind of does that count no you're not like an adult yeah you're not like what were some of your pitches I'm trying to remember one.

There was like, it's something like the tortoise and the hare, but all the forest animals are doing like superlatives, you know.

Okay.

And so they're like, oh, the rabbit's the fastest, and the owl is the most wise, you know.

And then...

Like

there's and I forget I there was a way I had it set up so it's not as blatant but like you know the like oh the parrot is the most beautiful and then the pig's like what about me?

Which one am I and they're like well you're the fattest and they're like

no,

I'm beautiful like the parakeet.

And, you know, and they're like,

you know, they're like, were you saying that I'm not beautiful because I'm fat?

Being fat, you can still be beautiful.

It's like, okay, well, then we're not saying you're not beautiful, but you're also the fattest.

So

what's the problem?

I don't, if there's nothing wrong with being fat, why can't you be the fattest one?

Yeah.

And then it's just an argument.

This is a body positivity argument.

Yeah, kind of.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just a salon.com article.

Yeah, yeah.

There's like the little engine that had rich parents, you know, so the train just keeps like calling its parents for money.

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah.

That's good.

That was one of them.

That would be an animated show?

No, I was going to just do a book.

I was going to do a little bit of a book.

Of children's stories.

Yeah.

I had another one with like a scorpion, like some kind of play on the frog and the scorpion thing, but I forget what it was.

Right.

You know, so that went nowhere.

Yeah, but it's good to get the ideas out because then you got to get the bad ones out, and then you'll come upon a good one.

But I think the that was one of two things I pitched to my management before they dropped me

for defending shit.

You know, it's funny.

I had a general at MTV like years, like

a decade ago.

Yeah.

And they were like, yeah, we're buying TV shows.

We haven't bought anything.

So, you know, if you got an idea, let us know.

And I just

left the meeting with nothing.

I know.

It's so funny.

It's like you think about like, oh, when I was younger, I blew some of the opportunities.

And then you think about what's going on right now, and you're like, man, there's a lot of opportunities I'm blowing.

Yeah.

It's just

still doing it.

It's just constantly.

I still can't see them.

They're right in front of me.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Do you have crypto?

I will not be answering that question.

Damn.

Is it the most ever, they're saying?

It is, yes.

God damn it.

I blew that one, too.

You did?

I don't know.

I think I still knew that.

I was a little bit, but I think I need a new computer.

That's not really.

So I might sell the crypto and get a computer.

Maybe you should talk to the lady that made that video about Starlink.

I think, yeah, she can probably.

Okay.

She can probably help you out with computer stuff.

Now, the DNC, but they're still paying people like Moeller she wrote.

Like, they're still giving her money.

I would imagine so.

Yeah.

But it's not that

the Kamala campaign raised a billion dollars.

It wasn't like the DNC.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then now they're in debt 20 million.

But that's like a different.

They went over?

Yeah, they went over.

A billion.

They went over a billion dollars.

What?

And they're $20 million in debt, yeah.

No, it's like $200 million.

It's $200 million in debt.

In debt?

Yeah.

I want to see what they paid for.

I don't understand how you can rack up that much debt.

In a month.

Yeah, I don't understand why that's legal.

You know what I mean?

How do they pay it off?

The party?

I think they don't.

I think they just fucking default on it.

They just don't pay for it.

They just don't pay people.

Yeah.

She's a bum.

And then what are you going to do?

Sue the campaign?

It's done.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

She's dead.

She's in Guantanamo.

I saw a New York Post.

They were posting pictures of her at Howard.

And maybe it was after the election.

She already lost.

Yeah.

I don't know why they needed to do that.

Her concessions.

She already lost.

And they're posting pictures of her at Howard, like sitting with students.

And there's a glass of wine, like like white wine in the picture back somewhere.

And they put a circle around the wine.

They're like, oh, look who's drunk.

Look who's having a drink.

It's like, well, she's a 52-year-old woman.

She just lost a presidential election.

I think

if anything warrants a glass of wine,

it might be that.

Yeah.

You know?

Well,

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I will be at Cobbs in San Francisco this weekend, by the way.

That's why we had to do this.

I would have sat this one out and said, you know what, do it during the daytime without me, but I got to go to San Francisco tomorrow.

I can always come in and fill in for you.

Yeah, but I need to

promote the show, presumably.

So if you're in San Francisco, go see Nick.

If you're one of the 75,000 people that tunes into the Adam Friedland Show podcast and you happen to be in San Francisco, come out this weekend.

I will be at Cobbs.

And I got a podcast called Out for Smokes, and I got some dates coming up.

I got Minneapolis, I got Schenectady, I got Detroit, and I got Tampa.

And you can get all those tickets at microscenecomedy.com.

Are you going to side-splitters?

I don't know.

So you're just going to Tampa, and then you're figuring out the venue?

I got to figure out.

I got to figure that out.

Oh.

But I will be in Tampa.

But you can't promote a show if there's no venue.

No, no, no.

There's no you.

I just got to figure out some stuff.

He'll be in Ybor City rolling cigars with the Buelas.

Yeah.

And the chickens, too.

That's the best part about Ybor City.

The chickens?

There's just wild chickens that run around.

And if you catch them, you can eat them.

I might have double-booked myself.

In Tampa?

I don't know.

Yeah, maybe.

How is that possible?

I don't know.

But

I got to figure that out.

But I will be in Tampa next month.

All right.

Well, go check out Nick.

Go check out Mike.

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