The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Maddie Wiener - Episode 79

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And the show is started.

Look, I don't have enough slack.

Full episode like that.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland show.

I still don't, like, I don't have slack.

I need some slack.

There you go.

All right, no, we're good.

We're going, right?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland show.

Welcome to our new lighting setup.

We finished the studio.

It's been three years.

I think it looks beautiful.

It looks good.

Turn your hat around or take your hat yeah I forgot there's a hat you got to take your hat off

but I'm an Orthodox Jew but we lit it for his look how great his hair looks now I know we do now have a hairlight yeah yeah oh you have like that little back

and hold the microphone down further so everyone can see your face where do you want to don't cover your face okay hello yeah hi

um welcome to the adam freelance show our studio is gorgeous we did it because it's a new day in america we move on i know a lot of you are hurting hurting right now.

It's a new day.

What?

What do you mean it's a new day?

Every day is a new day in America.

Oh, technically.

Did something happen?

So you're a woman.

Is this the first episode since?

Since the new day.

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

Since Jill Stein's tragic loss?

You spent the last two days crying.

Yeah.

I am in a little state of posting videos of yourself crying.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is this all you had to be on?

What the hell is this?

We're actually, Nick and I are actually hurting too.

So I know.

The hairs from your head was coming out of my zipper.

How my hair.

No, don't say it like that.

That's definitely not a pubic hair.

It's

shut up.

No, my hair is mushy.

I can do it side-by-side.

Don't make accusations like that.

No, that's disgusting.

This is a pube.

I'll kill him.

Okay, like grow up.

That's from

the side of your head.

It's a pubic hair.

From the side of your head.

Shut the fuck up.

It would have hurt if I pulled it out.

How was it in your zipper?

It was

short.

Curly hair from your...

I don't have teeth, and they're orange.

You're bold down there?

I'm mixed.

You're like a 1990s chick.

A mixed race.

They're ginger and soft.

Oh, really?

So the drapes do not match.

All right.

Add that to the spreadsheet, fans.

Okay.

So, yeah.

I mean, like I was saying, a lot of girls, I understand you guys are having a tough time.

For us, we wanted to see a guy be the first lady, and we're never going to get it.

Yeah.

You think this is it?

It's not fair to us.

We want to have a guy first lady one of these days.

Did you write in Jill Stein?

No, I actually, I fucked up really bad.

I didn't know there wasn't same-day voter registration.

You missed the election.

Yeah.

You can just say you didn't.

It doesn't matter.

I don't care.

I mean, that's it.

I should spin it like it was a protest.

You were saying it doesn't matter.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was what I was like, thank God.

You just spin it like you didn't want to vote for Gaza.

Why does it just say that?

Say it again.

Let's run it again.

It was funny.

They were in 2016.

I couldn't bring myself.

Because of the genocide.

Yeah.

In 2016, there was like a handful of people.

Oh, I was a judge.

A handful of people during the primary that were like all gung-ho about Bernie Sanders, and then they like didn't vote for him in the primary, and they were like, they fucking took me, they knew I was voting for Bernie, and they took me off the...

It's like, no, you just never register to vote.

You've never voted before.

You just didn't know what the process was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You thought it was posting, and then you go to someplace, and they just let you vote in the primary.

North Dakota is like that.

Does it work?

There's not same-day registration for primaries, though, is there?

No, North Dakota is, I think, the only state where there's no voter registration.

You just show up with your ID.

But then

how do you have party registration?

I have no idea.

Well, it may be like, what does registration do?

Well, it's because the primaries are like, that's for the party.

So don't they have like, what is it?

Is the word jurisdiction over that?

You need to be a member of a party to vote in the primary, I think.

Oh, if you're registered as an independent?

I'm a member of the media, so I have to remain.

Unless they have open primaries as a podcast.

Is that determined by law who has open primaries?

Who gives a fuck?

I don't fucking care thank god we don't have to worry about it it might be the last one yeah no more elections

anymore the boys are back in town congratulations nick you've worked tirelessly for this congratulations to the the to the free speech austin comedy scene um they really they made this happen and i blame them personally um i think rogan's like whoops

he's like whoops somebody's have a whole special where he was like it's on you guys for listening to anything i said and he's like here's who you should vote for because Because I mean, it's like, in his mind, he was probably like, I'm going to vote for Donald Trump, right?

And then now it's like, oh, maybe that, maybe I made him win.

You know what I mean?

And regardless of like, that could be a good thing.

But even having that kind of power, you're probably...

Because now it's like if Trump bombs Hawaii.

for some reason.

He gets a bad Hawaiian pizza from Domino's and he's like, we got to kill all of them.

And like, if you're Joe Rogan, you got to be like,

I did that.

I went out.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Now it's all on him.

His fingerprints are all over all of this.

If they liquidate the civil service and do Project 25, whatever that is, he'd have to go down there and restart the Similar race.

It is Rogan.

Because he's the closest, I think.

Yeah, yeah.

He has to teach them their language again.

Yeah.

He has to be like, listen, we're all Apocalo Bejes and like is locos only.

And Rogan is going to be the one that has to restart that, you know.

But

you're abroad.

How are you?

What do you feel?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm feeling.

I mean, I got, I'm getting my new IUD re-upped, so I think I'll be

the T2.

The T2000.

Yeah.

What kind of technology they got going on these days?

I have the Morena one, so it's like

hormones.

Yeah.

It's like a Latinex style.

Yeah.

Yeah, cool.

But it's like a hormone one.

So it like,

it's like, the way I understand it is it's like when you just

like the worst one for me.

No, no, no, we know about it.

Yeah, it's probably not.

It's the thing that everyone's like, avoid food with this.

The other one's just like a plug.

Yeah, but it's supposed to hurt really bad.

Oh, so this one doesn't hurt.

It's cool.

Yeah, you like, don't get a period.

Instead, you just get like cancer.

Yeah, yeah.

And you like fuck up your hormones, you get breast cancer.

But it doesn't matter.

You don't have kids, so you can die younger.

Sure.

No responsibilities.

It's so awesome being a guy.

It's so sick.

We don't have to think about any of this stuff.

We'd have kids at 75 years old.

That's pretty sick.

Yeah.

It is really mean to the the girls that

this happened, but I mean, to some extent...

It would be cool to get

an IAD, like an intra-anus device that could regulate my feces.

I don't need it for any of the birth control stuff.

A gay guy that thinks he can get pregnant?

No, not even a gay guy.

Somebody that just doesn't want to have,

today it's just diarrhea all day long, and tomorrow you're constipated.

If there's a little wire or something I could put in there.

I like a little diversity.

I can control it with my phone.

You're like, Nick, you need to change your diet.

Is there any kind of plug I could just?

Is there a plug?

I got an ag.

Yeah.

I guess, I don't know.

They want our hot takes about this whole election thing.

I mean, Nick told me months ago.

It's the same takes that I had in 2016.

Yep.

So just go back when I was fired up.

Yeah.

I'm too excited about these lights.

What does it look like on the monitor, Pete?

It looks amazing.

It looks good.

I think this is a good indication of it.

This is what I wanted it to be the entire time, and I finally got in my way.

We have individual lights for each panel of the flats.

They really do look beautiful.

I didn't even know there was so much space in between.

I added

the stage forward.

We extended the grid to where...

The grid was here.

Yeah, I extended it out and I moved the stage forward to where I wanted it from the beginning.

This is cinema.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you're the first guest.

I'm honored.

Yeah, yeah.

And so

really, it should be an honor.

It is an honor.

You haven't said thank you yet, but it should be.

Thank you very much.

Okay, you're what?

I mean, you're not.

Thank you very much.

No need to say thank you.

No need to say thank you.

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's like, yeah, this is 2016 all over again.

I think like if you elect Trump once, you could be like played off like an accident.

But this time it's like, oh, it's, we are on, it is on purpose.

Yeah, that is the thing that's weird that you're like, oh, it felt like this weird kind of like fringe group was bubbling up and like took power.

But then when you win the popular vote, you're like, oh, this is kind of like just the country.

Also, if you win the popular vote, that should like disqualify you from holding public office.

Why?

Like, if most Americans are like, you're awesome, it's like, that's not a good sign.

Well, my thesis is the cooler person wins every time, right?

See, as Jimmy Carter, I think the cooler person has won every election.

Biden Trump, though?

Because

he wasn't cool because of COVID.

Everyone was like, this guy's a loser now.

But pretty much every single time is the cooler guy who wins.

Obama was cooler than Mitt Romney.

He was cooler than McCain.

Terrible pilot.

Crashes.

Goes to.

JFK Jr.

JFK Jr.

ran for what?

Has there ever been, and this is because I don't know people who have a personal airplane that aren't famous.

Yeah.

If it seems they you have a 50% chance of dying, John Denver.

It's literally, I mean, it's like every single one of them is like, I'm getting a plane, and then they die.

Yeah.

The funniest of all of them was that the guy that was the private investigator for the dude

looking into the Franklin credit scandal.

It was a guy researching government pedophiles.

And he got a hot tip in Chicago.

He tells the investigator who's like on the Nebraska state legislator.

Yeah.

Tells him,

I'm going to fly my plane with my son up to Chicago to get this evidence.

And then it's like, I'm going to fly my single engine blue.

Of course, yeah.

He's up in the air, right?

And they're like, well, that's what planes.

It is anyone's.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I had a neighbor that like had a, like our next-door neighbor was like, hey, I have like a little plane if you want to come up with me sometime.

And I was like 13.

My parents were like, no, those things crash all the time.

And then looking back, I'm like, also, him, because that guy was

for sure.

Yeah, gonna molest me.

It's international waters up there.

It's illegal.

It's vertical international waters.

International waters, yes, technically.

There's something about the interstellar, like you age differently when you're that far off the Earth.

So if you do the math, I think that's actually legal kind of thing.

Is that true?

Yeah, it is.

You say up in the street.

Actually, I think it's the opposite.

I think if you.

No, if you're in orbit, like no, if you're in orbit for like five years,

you come back, you're like three seconds younger than you would have been oh man yeah yeah so he doesn't yeah when i work in the plane it doesn't matter yeah when i'm in when i turn 40 i'm going up to that damn plane i don't want to i'm going to be a young bitch forever i can't i can't stand this aging process i mean i don't know guys

The thing about the accident thing is the first time around, I pitched it in my mind until Tuesday as Anthony Wiener got caught for a fourth time time sending his penis out.

That happened again?

No, no.

Last time around.

Quietly during the election?

He could have really gotten away with it this time.

Yeah, but then like Comey wrote that letter, and then it kind of, I was like, okay, it was a total accident.

This guy sent his penis, and then now Trump's the president.

But this time around, I'm like, oh, no, the Democrats are just, they're losers.

I mean, there's no other excuse this time.

You can't blame a man's penis.

If it concluded with kill Tony losing it for Trump, I think that narratively that would have felt like a full circle moment.

Almost more so than not wanting Trump to be president.

I'm like, I wanted it to happen for me.

It's funny too, because you know the results came in.

Trump's the winner and then Tony was probably like, yeah, I did have a good set.

I didn't fucking bomb.

I didn't bomb.

I didn't fucking bomb.

That's probably his genuine reaction.

Fuck you guys.

I wanted Tony to, Tony having thrown the election would have been so funny, though.

It would have been amazing.

Kids in 50 years having to read a history book and learn about

Tony Hinchcliffe.

No.

No way.

I feel like people are going to remember Trump.

People are like, no one's done this since Grover Cleveland,

one, two.

And in 100 years, people are going to be like,

who is Donald Trump again?

Is that Garfield?

Yeah, yeah.

The cat?

Is it Grover?

Oh, he was that guy that he had two

executives.

Yeah.

Before the big war.

Before this turned into Chinese Israel.

Before it became Chinese Israel.

Even Barack Obama will be remembered, like, you know, first black president.

People remember him like they remember Scott Joplin.

You know what I mean?

They're like, oh, yeah, he hit that piano song.

Yeah.

We'll have a president that's like a robot by then.

You know what I mean?

Like a guy in a Gundam suit that can just kill whoever he wants.

I don't know.

I'd say all the human presidents are probably going to seem pretty lame by comparison.

Yeah, there's going to be like a sick, like

a fortune-teller

thing.

Or that big spider from Wild Wild West?

Big spider from Wild Wild West.

That's a big podcast reference.

I don't know if you started podcasting yet.

I have, but apparently not enough.

You got to talk about the big spider from Wild Wild West.

Remember that one.

Wait, I'm so behind.

Can I.

There's a big spider.

I'm not going to do your work for you.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I'll do the work.

Trump's in office, and it's time to roll ourselves in the middle.

Because you can probably get five or six episodes out of that spider.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't want to bring it down to a serious note, but

and make the election about me.

But as a Jewish person, you might understand this.

Like, I am scared right now that they will take white away from us.

Like, and

it is, I was talking to a friend the other day.

It would be really unfortunate to lose white in my 40s.

It would be like to not be able to be like a, you know.

That's a tough.

It's like having to learn how to walk again.

Yeah, just automatically become an unk or an old head but like you know yeah you're gonna need a lot of work

to get there i was watching i was watching debate coverage it was fox and then they had like a group of like voters in the studio they bring these people in they sit there and they're like uh you know how'd you vote and the first guy they go to he was like i've been a democrat my whole life But because of Israel, I had to vote for Donald Trump because, you know, he's going to do what's right for Israel or whatever.

It's like the first guy they talk to.

Trump wins the election.

And that's not the only guy like that, by the way.

You know, there's like a bunch of people on social media.

Some of them are billionaires.

They're like, you know, I'm a Democrat, but, you know, Israel's more important.

We got to vote for Donald Trump.

So we'll throw everything else out for Israel.

And then Donald Trump wins, and immediately people are blaming the Arabs that sat out the election.

It's like, oh,

it's their fault.

Not the guys that voted for Donald Trump.

It's Arab people.

Yeah, in Flint.

Yeah.

Or in

Dearborn.

Yeah.

Which he won.

all of the states, I think.

He won 50s.

Yeah,

it wasn't like 100 guys who got told at their mosque, maybe sit this one out.

Yeah.

That's wild, too, because what is his stance on Israel as opposed to calmly like

his pitch to Jews was awesome.

He said, if you're Jewish and you don't vote for me, you're going to die.

He said, you're dead.

Dude, that was like when

when the warlike first started, there was some like video of Joe Biden being like, it's important that we have Israel because without Israel, no Jew is safe anywhere in the world.

But it's like, what about your country?

Look, that's such a weird threat to be like, you guys are fucked.

And I'm not helping you.

We're not going to be able to control it, Jews.

Stop it.

Yeah, we got to stop this chiropract.

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I don't know.

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All right, so what else is going on in the news?

Pretty much bottled that up.

I don't know, dude.

I kind of been like tapped out since,

I, since, I don't know, since he won, I was like, Instagram is just like, it's kind of just like the worst poetry I've ever seen in my life.

Yeah.

No one's

really.

Any more on there?

No slut behavior.

Yeah.

What's wrong with real bummer?

What's wrong with these whores?

They're too sad.

Yeah, I remember that during, during BLM, it was like that, too.

Like people, people were all like sharing the resources instead of being sluts on the internet for a week.

And they were like, these are the resources.

And then, like an hour later, they'd be like, it turns out we got the resources wrong.

It's a website set up by an Indian guy.

He has $50 million now that belong to George.

We're going to get it back.

You think they're going to get that all fired up again?

BLM?

Well, you know, just being mad about something.

No, people are going to be a good idea.

I don't think you're going to do BLM again.

It would have to be a different issue.

Yeah.

We should get pussy hats and see, like,

see if that comes back or not.

I don't think there's going to be a women's march.

I don't think there's going to be shit that happens.

Well, it's hard because it's like, what do you protest?

Like, what would...

It's like everyone's upset, but there's not really a demand you can make.

You can't be like,

don't let him be the president.

It's like, it's happening.

Well, you could on January 6th.

We could do January 6th, yeah.

We could run it back.

It'd be funny if she was like, we got to do January 6th because this is a fake result.

And then they ended up killing the vice president who is the one who certifies the election.

And she just got

because that was.

Oh, damn, she has to like

sign her own dusting, basically.

Jan says they were like, we're going to kill Pence to stop this.

What is Pence doing now?

He gets so much pussy.

Just getting fucking sucked off.

I don't know.

I think Pence took a shot at the king and he missed.

And that's what he best not have, but he did.

What are you going to do?

They should do January 6th.

The girls.

I mean, the last time around, around, they got pretty close to getting away with it.

Getting away with January 6th?

Well,

going in there and doing it.

One of them, you know, I mean, if you take a dump on the game.

I think one lady died.

Yeah, I know.

Not her.

She didn't do it.

But the rest of them, they got in there.

There was a grandma.

I didn't think they were going to get in, and then they did.

I think they just didn't have a plan once they got in there.

Well, they forgot about the babies.

It was very much like October 7th, where they got over the wall, and they were like, well, we didn't even think we'd get this far.

Yeah, they're like, it worked.

Yeah.

And

so I guess

selfies?

Yeah, yeah.

They did like selfie stick.

They're like,

they did like pranks.

They didn't jackass bits.

They just went in this time.

They're like, no, we're actually going to kill everyone.

It would be funny if they were like, now you can see when a competent leader does a January 6th.

Pull it off.

You think we should have January 6th every time.

What's that?

Every time?

Every time.

It's a tradition unlike any other.

Yeah.

They would do that in like Spain, probably.

Like a running of the bullshit.

Yeah,

they would dress up in their Spanish clothes and they would all go into the capital with swords.

Somehow it would involve blackface.

Yeah, maybe.

And a turban.

A lot of jingling happening.

Different, you know.

Clack, clack, clack, clack, whatever the fuck those are called.

Yeah, no, it would be funny if we let, if the girls did it and then just the fellas got to watch on TV.

Be like.

if my girlfriend was there, yeah.

If I was like, babe, so you want tie later?

Or like, just let me know.

Should I go to the store?

The outfit's perfect, babe.

Deciding on the outfit.

The government's that way, you idiot.

You stupid idiot.

They also told us it would take like weeks before you would know the result of the election.

Yeah, it was five minutes.

Yeah, it wasn't.

It wasn't even close.

You can't even be like, it was stolen because it's like, dude.

But the final count's only going to, there's probably only going to be what, like a one or two million difference?

In the popular?

Yeah, in there?

I don't know.

Is that a lot?

Is it even...

It's probably, it doesn't sound like a lot.

Yeah.

How many people vote?

It's like 80 million?

No, it's like one.

It was like 120 to 130 for a long time.

Then the last time it was like 155 million.

And then this time back to 130?

Yeah.

It's usually up to like 50 million.

For whatever reason, four years ago, there was like a bunch more people that voted.

I, I,

wait, what do you mean?

I don't know.

I'm just saying.

You were just saying the numbers, yeah, yeah.

There was just one year where there was like people were fired up for Joe, dude.

Yeah, probably.

People it was Joe Biden's charisma.

Yeah, yeah.

What do you mean?

I don't know.

He did that video where he was like, I love my Corvette.

I love how people are like, oh, a bunch of dead people voted for Joe Biden.

And it's like, well,

if anyone should be.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's his weakness.

That's his demographic.

That's who feels representative.

Yeah, right.

His boys.

Right.

If they were alive, they would vote for him.

You know what I mean?

Most dead people.

Yeah.

If you're 180 years old,

you would vote for that guy.

If you would be like, which one of these makes the most sense to me?

Yeah, I went to elementary school with him.

I read, did you know that

Joe Biden was born closer to the end of Lincoln's administration than to the beginning of his own?

Jesus Christ.

Isn't that crazy?

What year was he born?

1910.

Oh.

When was he born?

Wait, no, yeah, that doesn't make any fucking sense.

In the 30s, probably.

Like 37, maybe?

That's really embarrassing that I didn't do the math on that.

And I was just like, wow, 1910, that's a long time ago.

No question.

You're just as good at math.

Yeah, he's 100%.

Thank you so much.

It's a hard time for women right now.

There's nothing.

It's the hormones in my IED.

I can't do math anymore.

You're great at math.

114 years old, Joe.

What?

114 years old, Joe.

I'm actually going to kill myself.

No, you're not.

For what?

Kamala?

Well, Jimmy Carter is a little bit more.

I'm going to do an Aaron Bush.

Jimmy Carter was born in 1924.

Was he?

Yeah.

And he's alive.

He's alive.

I mean, barely ever.

He's really hanging on.

Yeah, that video of them bringing him to vote.

He really is.

Yeah.

They're like, he finally got to do it.

He got to vote for Kamala Harris.

And he's like,

remember, look like that video.

Remember that Nazi they found in Queens?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it was like the one they deported.

They were like, this is the best deportation Trump's ever done.

He was a Nazi.

Oh, not like a neo-Nazi, like a fucking guy.

No, like a guy that worked in the camps.

He was the Holocaust working there.

Yeah.

He would have been a good man.

He was like living in Queens, hiding.

And he was like.

Yeah, he was a corpse, basically.

He was like 900 years old.

They arrested him, but it was like the cops walking next to a gurney.

And then they put him in like an ambulance.

Yeah.

They just said.

Let's go.

We got one.

I wonder why they went to Queens instead of Brazil.

Yeah, it seems like a really bad place to hide.

Maybe he went to South America first and then moved to Queens as a South American guy.

But I don't know.

It's kind of nice the Nazis got to go to Brazil.

It sounds nice.

Argentina.

Yeah, yeah.

And they got to.

How do they blend?

How did German people blend in there?

Amongst Latin ex people?

I don't know.

Be like, I love cheating,

bisexuality.

I believe in ghosts.

My Apuelita is haunting me.

Yeah.

It's just a run-of-the-mill Latin.

Yeah.

My last name is Bundchen.

So they deported him from Queens back to Germany?

Yeah, back to Nazi Germany.

Go back to Germany.

Go back to where you came from.

Germany's got to be feeling pretty stupid right now, though.

About what?

The Holocaust?

Well, no.

I think that's more.

They get to do it.

And now it's like, you know, if you believe that Trump is Hitler or whatever, it's like, yeah, the move is you make your country strong first with neoliberalism.

Yeah.

And then only after that

people are like, now we're Nazis.

Yeah.

Instead, they were like, we're Nazis first, and then we're going to try and take over the world.

And then the world said, no.

Yeah, they took over like

post-World War II.

They got countries that were crappy plays.

Czechoslovakia, Poland.

Yeah.

Anyone could invade Poland.

I would call them shithole countries.

Yeah, shithole countries.

I'll call them real shithole countries.

Oh, man.

So you had family that died in that?

Because Nick doesn't believe in it.

You You know that?

For real?

Death?

No.

No.

I believe in it.

No.

That we transcend.

No.

It doesn't help that it's on

the history channel and they're doing like ghosts and shit and the Holocaust.

Ghosts Holocaust.

On the same channel.

It does make you be like, oh, so all of whatever that is.

Yeah, the aliens and Holocaust channel.

Yeah, that's a tough one for us.

Yeah, yeah.

But I don't think

I had family that like left Eastern Europe for like pogroms and stuff, but I think they got out before the actual cowards.

Yeah.

Jane Fonda's tied.

Were you the family that died in it?

Is Jane Fonda still alive?

Hopefully.

Did she say anything during trial?

I feel like, if anybody, you would be hearing from Jane Fonda a lot.

I don't know.

She probably was taking care of monkeys or something.

Is that who that is?

Jane Goodall.

Oh, that's Jane Goodall.

Yeah.

Jane Fonda.

Jane Fonda was like famously during Vietnam.

She's like, our soldiers deserve to die.

I hope they die over there.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

She took it like way.

She went like, not just the war is bad, but

I hope they get killed by Vietnamese people.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And she went to Canada, right?

Did she?

Yeah, so she could talk shit from up there.

Canada's about to go to war with India.

I hope that happens.

It has to happen.

Yeah.

Trump's got to make that happen for us.

It would be great if there was world peace except for Canada and India.

Yeah, he saves the world.

He saves the world other than than one.

Yeah.

It's the world's funniest war.

That's how it'll be in the history books.

The funny war.

Everyone sits on the sidelines and laughs.

Laughing at him.

Yeah, laughing.

Pakistan's watching it too.

They're just sliding.

Are they still going to bomb each other?

Is that still happening?

I don't know.

Pakistan's helping Iran now.

Because Trump's president, do we have to not know where countries are and what's going on anymore?

I hope so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If we go full isolationist, then we just don't need to think about anything other than just us.

It's almost like a solipsistic.

Yeah, I don't have to watch a Wong Kar Y movie again.

I don't have to like...

Yeah.

Fuck off.

Do you think that's what he'll do?

Is he'll like pull out of

the middle?

Probably not going to do it.

Yeah.

I just, in retrospect, I just

now it's like it would have felt so I'm not not that I would have done it, but it would have felt good to vote

for him

just in like the way that it feels like

you're doing suck it.

It probably feels like suck it the day of the McDonald's thing.

I would have the McDonald's.

When I had election day, I was a scrap.

Yeah, I gotta vote for, yeah, yeah.

Of course, I have to vote for McDonald's

Americans.

When Nick said that the libs were like

fry experts say he did the fries wrong.

I was like, okay, it's over.

Yeah, yeah.

The boy won.

When the libs are doing like that kind of thing, I'm like, and then they're just not going to stop.

I never watch MSNBC, but I put it on

after he won because it's like, oh, well, now this is going to be funny.

And they're just going to, they're going to take, it's like...

They're doubling though.

Yeah, I know, but it's like, there's no, like, can't this at least be.

I mean, here's, at least from now until he takes office, you don't need to focus.

Nothing can happen.

There's no election.

There's no reason to focus on Trump.

Like, maybe you briefly mentioned what he's planning on doing as far as cabinet appointments go.

But there's things happening in the world.

You shouldn't turn into MSNBC and they're talking about absolutely nothing but Donald Trump 24-7.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I mean, it's amazing.

That's not the only news.

Kamala probably had

000 advisors and media experts and pr people and like math people and computer people and he had fucking rfk

uh uh musk and his like weird family who he doesn't like and he kicked he beat their asses he just did it like he had no he did it on his own it was funny watching sean hannity the night of the election it was like

It was only like fucking maybe 8.45, 9 o'clock.

And he's on his phone.

I'm pretty sure he was drunk.

And he's like, I'm hearing now.

I'm just getting stuff.

They're going to call North Carolina soon, then Georgia, and he's going to win Pennsylvania also.

He's like,

I'll bet my reputation.

What reputation?

I'll bet my reputation on that.

Sterling reputation.

And then he just left.

And then he left the CDO.

He was gone for the rest of the night.

He's like, it's a wrap.

Trump won.

He was died.

Yeah, no, he just took off.

Yeah.

Damn.

And they were probably mad at him because it's like they need people to watch.

You know what I mean?

You could see other news sites doing that being like, well, technically, she could still blah, blah, blah.

And I'm like, oh, you just still need people to let them.

You think they're going to let Tucker back?

Huh?

Now that Mr.

T's back in?

I think you would have to prove that the Dominion voting machines were up to something before they'd let Tucker back.

Also, he probably, he's got so much money.

I mean, it's like.

He's super rich.

Yeah.

It wouldn't look good for him to go back to Fox News.

Well, I don't know.

I feel like this is an opportunity for us.

I don't know if you know this.

He's got his denim podcast that he does.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's like Tucker's Denim.

Yeah.

Tucker's Denim Abby.

It is very funny to be covered in denim and be like, you know, there's serious things going on in the world.

It's like what?

Drinking maple syrup?

What do you look like then?

Dress like the Braun.

Are you supposed to believe you're not Tucker Carlson?

Or that this is your like casual, like you take off to Suzanne.

You get at home from the news yeah and then you're it's just Oshkosh from here on out baby

what does this look

Jim Beree yeah

yeah no he's he's you know Swanson like the the like uh hungry man dinners and like uh

sure okay yeah like microwave dinners that's it that's Tucker that's his family what he grew up in a giant microwave yeah

he's big microwave he's big microwave he's from big microwave he's from SF He's a deadhead who came from big microwave.

Dude, that's so funny.

Now he's trying to tell us that he's a gene guy.

Come on.

And then he's like on Kill Tony being like, fucking truth to power.

Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, you're from a microwave family.

He's a fucking San Francisco liberal.

Don't get it twisted.

He was also, there was this post on Reddit on like, someone was like, they were like, it looks like Tucker Carlson's shooting his new show with like anamorphic cinema lenses.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Like it's.

like

Tucker Carlson doing like some like A24, like adding in the grain.

Like, why?

Yeah.

It was our idea first.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's cool.

What's wrong with that?

You're going to come to my house and just...

Never mind.

Anyway, well, I just, could you tell the girls that we didn't do it?

Just so we don't.

I got yelled at by my sisters.

Are they going to get mad at us again?

I've been getting yelled at by women.

They're so pissed at me.

I i didn't do trump okay for the record to all the women i didn't do trump okay and i'm sorry but i will lead the new america from the center left and this will be the center left tucker and we we we have every intention of doing that that's why we have the new lights okay

so that's all i can do as a member of the media and a journalist i did see a tweet someone was calling for that they said we need like a bunch of like the you know why she's because she relied on celebrities and stuff like that it's like i don't know who aiden Ross is.

Like, we need the lib version of that.

And that's what this show could be.

We are the liberal Rogan.

We're cool, young, 22-year-old guys.

I did see someone, I saw posters like that, too.

People were like, oh, Shakamala have gone on Rogan.

And they were like, well, the problem is the left needs a Rogan that talks to those same kind of like.

I guess that's really just Hassan.

It's like the only.

But it's not, he's not like.

What they want is like a, yeah, like a neoliberal.

Like they just want like a, yeah.

It could be me.

It could be me.

Yeah, we got the new lights.

So if combo's watching.

What they want is a podcast version of the Pete Buddha Jej dance.

That's like what they're calling for.

Because they think that that would win.

They're like, oh, well, we need to convince people.

We need to convince people that our hollow and lame attempts at being cool are actually cool.

So it's like,

the fact that we offer nothing.

Well, it's crazy because it's this thing where it's like, we need to do this because this appeals to people.

And then they're so far off the mark that it's like our false, our missed attempt that we shouldn't even have gone for in the first place.

Now we need to turn that into we need to trick people into thinking it's cool rather than just abandoning it completely.

Yeah, you know what I mean, or maybe offering someone something to vote for you, like you'll get healthcare, maybe, or you know, like kind of having a campaign based on you know a tangible kind of like transactional exchange.

No, no, you think

paint a crosswalk crosswalk rainbow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the way to do it.

You think Kente Cloth Pelosi.

Yes, that was the moment that.

Dude, I thought that was going to get black people on board the rest of American history.

They didn't think that was cool.

That was one of the funniest things that's ever happened.

Bernie Sanders got re-elected.

He's going to be, I think, 97 years old at the end of the day.

I think we got to run him four years' time.

I think we still have a chance.

Oh, God.

Vermont.

What do you do up there?

You just eat ice cream?

Ben and Jerry's, Blaze.

Yeah.

I don't know.

What else?

A lot of like Tivas.

Fish.

Yeah.

Jamband, Blaze, Ben and Jerry's.

That's pretty much it.

Yeah.

It's weird that

I think

Bernie

is maybe...

I think he underperformed Kamala in Vermont.

I think that was the one place where he...

Yeah.

Are you for real?

I think that may be true.

Maybe I'm not making that up.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

Yeah.

And that's the kind of cutting-edge political analysis these people watch the show for.

Are you guys actually scared at all for Trump?

Or are you kind of just like, it's going to be four years or whatever?

No, we're millionaires.

Literally, no matter what happens, we're fine.

I'm scared.

Jewish millionaire, that's hard.

They could take white away from the Jews.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I'm going to have to invent an entirely new type of hip-hop

in my 50s.

They're going to have to school

these youngins

on what it was like back in the day.

They're not going to respect me because I was white.

It's so stressful.

Pete?

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The girls are hurting.

We got an ad request for a company that sells like...

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I'm hoping they buy ad reads.

Has it been interesting to be like, oh, this is who who you think we're reaching?

Yeah.

I mean, we could be.

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I'll tell you this.

It's definitely people that if they have a gun, it should be locked up.

You know what I mean?

What I gather is your ads are for people who are into nicotine, can't get hard, and have a gun.

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So please come see me at the funny bone in Syracuse.

I believe it's in a mall.

Have you been there?

Oh, I'll be at Cobbs in San Francisco next weekend.

I guess I should plug that.

Classic San Francisco.

Yeah, it's a fun club.

Yeah.

I'm not looking forward to flying across country again.

I hate that fly.

It's been a lot of that the last two months.

Yeah.

It is like it it

takes it out of you.

It does.

And these people it just doesn't.

Especially when they don't have radio on the plane.

Yeah.

It's the perfect plane movie.

Yeah, yeah.

Usually he does three radio viewings.

I sit there on the plane and I put on radio and then I put the earbuds in and then I laugh like Max Cady with a cigar.

Yeah, yeah.

I sit there and I blow in cigar smoke everywhere.

And they're like, Sir, you can't do that.

And Nick Nolty's like, excuse me.

We're trying to watch radio, also.

Me and my family are watching radio.

Yeah, man.

Oh, God.

Whoa.

What do you think of the new lighting setup?

That's crazy.

What's crazy?

What happened?

He laughed so hard his glasses fell off.

Oh.

No, I just fall asleep in them and they get bad.

You should get some.

You know what?

That's what we need.

We'll do what they ask.

We got to get you some Jig Tapper glasses.

Like

what is that?

Like

fun lesbian aunt glasses.

Oh, like red.

Like red and rectangles.

Oh, like the office siren trend.

What is that?

You should do office siren.

We don't know about trends.

It's like a girl thing of people are dressing like.

You dress like you work in an office, but like slutty and cool.

It's like, you know, very like Lower East Side, like people are in gray vests.

I mean, the kind of glasses.

I started with this.

It's a 52-year-old woman.

She's got short hair.

She's wearing low-top converse all-stars.

Right.

Yeah.

Sexy.

Her glasses.

So what?

So girls are dressing dressing like Dwight now?

Because it's a slutty thing?

Yeah, it's a little Dwight.

It's not as yellow.

That sounds like a cool trend.

What other trends are happening with girls right now?

I mean, not this, so I'm not a great.

But there's a lot of like

the Lower East Side, you know where this.

Yeah, this is sort of like the Dave Itale.

Yeah, this is not.

Girls are doing the trendy.

I'm not really.

I love that Davatelle is just,

he just looks like the Grand Theft Auto 3 guy.

Yeah.

He saw that and he was like, yeah, that's awesome.

That's my look now.

I'm going to lock it in.

This is also a look of like a politician going to the Midwest and being like, I didn't go to Yale.

I'm going to eat this disgusting fried thing at the Iowa State Fair or whatever they have to do.

Yeah,

my dad, you know, was a carpenter for a summer.

Yeah, my dad definitely didn't invent fentanyl.

My dad isn't the CEO of the Iraq.

What a wilderness.

Rob Tentanol.

For Tim Walls, too, by the way.

Yeah.

They just, because it was such a short campaign, they're like, look, he's the VP nomination off one clip of him saying the word weird.

Yeah, yeah.

That's it.

We like the way he says the word weird.

Did he run for re-election as governor?

In Minneapolis.

In Minnesota?

In Minnesota?

Yeah.

I have no idea.

I miss him early.

Can you hold office and be.

Yes, okay.

You can do that.

Thank God he'll still be up there taking care of business.

Go to Indigo Girls concerts.

Going to Indigo Girls concerts with a Chinese national.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In the night.

With an underage Chinese national.

Yeah.

It is funny because it's like, there was like a, that was like the opposition research on him is that he took some gay 15-year-old Chinese boy to an Indigo Girls concert in like 1997.

Yeah.

And because you know when they before they before they were like, look, you got to tell us everything.

And he's probably like, I killed a guy one time by accident, you know, like all of these things.

And then

like conservatives found out he went to an indigo girls' concert.

And then they're like, why didn't you tell us about that?

And he's like, I didn't realize that was one of the things.

You went to Lilith Fair?

Yeah, I didn't realize, yeah, you weren't allowed to go to a

lesbian folk.

Yeah, I didn't know you had

a Katie Lang cassette in in your car

at one point.

I didn't realize that I can't listen to come to my window.

And he's like, oh, my God, I'm sorry.

It's so funny

based on the look of that guy that he went to an Indigo Girls guy, right?

Oh, man.

Yeah, we're hurting right now, America.

I'm hurting.

It's going to be okay, though.

It was Stephen A.

See.

I think the best part of the last last six months in all politics was David Duke

endorsing Jill Stein.

Did he?

Yeah, he did.

And then

she's like, I do not accept this endorsement.

Wait, who is that again?

David Duke's like, he's the head of the KKK, right?

Oh, he endorsed Jill Stein.

He endorsed Jill Stein.

But Richard Spencer also endorsed Kamala Harris.

So I think the white nationalists were like, this would be pretty funny.

Well,

I think Destiny convinced Richard Spencer to be lib.

He's not racist no more.

Interesting.

Yeah, they did a debate on No Jumper.

What a wild career that guy had.

Spencer?

No, Destiny.

Destiny's fascinating.

Yeah, he gets like famous for playing like Minecraft or something.

He's like the best guy in fucking Minecraft.

Now he yells at people to.

And then, yeah, he would do like stream videos of the money.

He had a writing.

And he'd be like, well, that shouldn't be a law.

And then people are like, why?

And he's like, right, because

he just talked fast.

And people are like, this might be the smartest man in the entire world.

It is the live version of, like, I can only learn about politics with, like, a hydraulic press video next to it.

Like, I can listen to someone if they're like playing Fortnite at the same time.

They're playing baby games.

The whole YouTube world is bizarre because the things that like rise to the top, because the whole like debate world

on YouTube is really big.

And it seems like it'd be very stupid.

You know what I mean?

It's one of the dumbest in-concept things that I can imagine.

It's like people debating.

Like, that'll never happen.

Right.

Yeah.

Someone watching Barney and then listening to

a neoliberal political analysis.

Also, Destiny, I think, was like

his girlfriend was like cheating on him and people make fun of him about that.

And then he wrote an article that was like, why it's good to get cheated on by your girlfriend.

Yeah.

You get really good at making points and you can rationalize.

With himself.

Yeah, it's true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's why it's so good because he's constantly torn his his mind telling him, you're a fuck, kill yourself.

And he's like, well, I won't.

And then it's this argument.

Here's why I want to.

And if that's what, you know, if that's going on in your head all the time, what the hell is Israel Palestine?

That's easy to solve.

That's true.

Yeah.

When the devil is inside of you.

Yeah.

And it's just slipknot 24-7.

Did you see that video of Shapiro debating like 25 libs?

Dude, yeah.

I love that one.

Yeah.

That is the few.

Debates are huge now.

I wish I can get into that space, but unfortunately, I'm just one of the dumbest people.

Nick, you could do it.

No, I couldn't.

I could barely.

I'm telling you right now, I'm not going to finish this podcast.

I'm going to have to leave in a minute.

We could go.

I mean, I have to go to Syracuse tomorrow in the morning.

No, I'm like, I was working all day, and now I've made myself

a little too wired.

Maybe I've had too much coffee, but I'm just very physically uncomfortable.

Yeah, yeah.

Me too.

I kind of.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Well, come down to San Francisco.

I'll be a cop.

Syracuse tomorrow.

Okay.

Well, thanks for joining.

That was the quickest hour I think I've ever

breezed by.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do we normally do like an hour and a half?

We may do it like an hour and 40.

Yeah.

That's why.

Hold on a second.

I forgot.

It's muscle memory now.

No, no, no, no.

You're strong.

It's like I forgot.

Like, was I like, I got tired of pie.

Have we just been going too long?

We've been doing it.

Yeah, yeah.

Because this was incredibly easy.

I was expecting this to go on.

I thought we were a third done.

Oh, it was a Reeves.

This is.

Oh, I could do this every week.

You know, we call it

easily.

You do this for a career.

You do this for a job.

Easily.

No problem.

Thanks for listening, everyone.

It's a new day in America.

We love you.

Bye.

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