The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Mike Recine - Episode 78

Welcome to the Adam Friesland Show podcast.

We got Mike Racine today.

Great to be here.

Welcome, Mike.

How are you?

We got Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse.

We got Beetlejuice.

Fresh off the Rico case.

Yeah.

We're going to beat this thing.

I hope so.

I can't believe it's illegal to criticize.

Make a movie about you called Carlito's Wait.

Oh, boy.

I was trying to think of another gangster movie.

Oh, yeah.

Insert fat into it.

Yeah, yeah.

I think I've lost a little weight, actually.

You have.

You look great.

Thanks.

You got to show up.

You got to show up.

I did 600 pounds on the leg press last week.

That's a lot.

Yeah.

What was her name?

Yeah.

Fat lady.

Yeah.

What's the biggest you ever caught?

Huh?

What's the biggest you ever sniped in your life?

I don't know.

I mean, I'd probably been with some big ones.

Like 800, 900?

Yeah, like 800 or 900.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Speaking of, I went to the...

Stav graciously invited me to the premiere of his movie this weekend.

Oh, shout out.

Yeah, guys, check out Stav's movie.

Check out Stav's movie.

It was very funny.

And then I saw him after, and he's looking trim.

Good.

Well, I can't tell.

And I don't want to be...

Because I saw him on a big screen.

Yeah.

And then I saw him in person.

So maybe it was like the comparison.

Because on the screen, he looks 20,000 pounds.

Was that IMAX?

It was IMAX.

And even still, we couldn't frame him up.

It was the sphere.

It was the sphere.

It was at the sphere.

Yeah, and the movie was mainly just one of his nipples.

No, it was very funny.

It was good.

But it was weird because

it was pitched as there was a Q ⁇ A afterwards.

And,

you know, I've been to premieres before, and I always just thought, you know, QA is, you know, they come out and they answer questions and stuff.

But they got to the end, and then it was just off, and then he sat down.

He didn't have a microphone.

They were just bringing out like shrimp and

like pigs in a blanket.

They're betting on how much he could do.

A bunch of cheese that he was dipping it in.

So I guess it was, I looked closely, it was queso and appetizers, is what it stood for.

Oh, okay.

So they had to watch out of queso and appetizers.

It wasn't that type of QA.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

But I went to see it.

You just did that right there on the spot, huh?

What's that?

That wasn't pre-written or anything.

What?

Q ⁇ A?

The Q ⁇ A thing?

No, I've been thinking about that since the Q ⁇ A.

Oh, yeah, then the QA.

I was sitting in the theater, and I would look over to people, and I'd be like, you think that stands for queso and appetizers?

And it's mostly young.

His audience is all young women now, so they're like, please stop talking to you.

You smell like a yeast confection.

Who are you?

And I'm like, it's a different type of bacteria that only guys get.

Excuse me.

And it's in my throat.

Because I've had a lot of dental issues this year, ma'am.

But

there was a sad moment in the theater for me personally

because

he's got all these stop fans now.

It's not just come town people.

And we're watching the movie.

And early on, there's a scene where you see his nuts for...

Like, it could have been more than like a third of a second.

God damn it.

Well, what did you think was going to happen, dude?

I don't know.

Now it looks more appropriate.

Let me see.

Now it looks like you're wearing your clothes.

God damn it.

You tried to make yourself.

You trended all the way up to the top, and I just, yeah,

well, it's got a straw.

That shouldn't have happened.

But

that always happens to me for some reason.

I'm used to it.

Anyway, let me get back to my point of moment in the theater.

I can't see beautiful Nick.

He's got these fans now, right?

And we're sitting there in the theater, and there's a scene early on where you see his nuts, and it's like just a flash right he's showing his nuts next to him the second I even I mean it's not even a second but I say I go those aren't his nuts and I know and I know they're not his nuts and no one else in the theater does and I say it's like it's like if you were in a band with somebody you know and they were doing like you know you guys were making real music together

and then they leave and now they're in a very successful band you feel great for them you go see their big show yeah and they're playing their number one song and it gets to a certain line in the song and you know them you're like they made him change that line

they made him change that line those are not those are not his testicles this is not my beautiful nuts i know it was nuts local somebody else's or you think they're a prosthetic nuts they made him use prosthetic nuts

yeah that's that's bizarre because i think it's illegal is it yeah to show your testicles like even if you're like it was supposed to be funny i mean i maybe i it just seems safer maybe to use i think you could show I think you could show soft dicks.

It could be for a ratings thing, but it could be it's like if you were making,

you know, I mean, look at all the movies that came out in the 70s now, and they're like, yeah, they actually raped all those actresses.

And if it was the 70s, it's pre-AIDS.

I'm like, yeah, we're trying to get something real here.

Obviously, rape her, you know, but

in retrospect, it's like

because I'm reading the power broker.

Clever trick.

Right.

Clever trick that the women played on letting that happen so they could accuse

amazing directors years later of some sort of malfeasance.

Yeah.

You know, so I think, yeah, it was probably foresight because, yeah, sure, now in the world we live in, showing your real nuts, that makes sense.

But in 15 years from now, that'll probably be like doing blackface.

Did he get better nuts or were they worse nuts?

They were worse nuts.

Really?

He's humble.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Shout out to Stop.

They had to get him.

He was a good guy.

He got worse nuts.

I don't think that was his choice.

What do you mean?

It's his mother's choice.

I don't think he, yeah, but I don't think, I think they forced him to use shittier nuts.

For the character.

And that's what I mean.

That's why it was, I'm like, they didn't even let him use his real nuts.

You get

all this success.

Yeah.

And then still, somebody's going to come in, some suit, some network suit, and say,

not only are you not using your real nuts,

they're worse.

They're worse.

And they're designed by an Indian woman who we have to give an opportunity to.

We have a diversity clause.

Diversity hire is the

designing them.

That's like

a

person who made that.

Did you see that?

There's a question on the ballot about film production, like that NYC is going to set up.

Proposition 6.

Nick and I just voted no, and that's it.

I didn't vote no on that.

You voted yes on that?

Well, I didn't vote on the.

I only voted on one thing, Prop 2.

I wrote in Jill Stein and

I wrote in Jill Stein, and I voted no on Prop 2.

Prop 2 expands the Department of Sanitation's ability to enforce

rules about putting garbage in places.

And it's like, you should have thought about this 300 years ago when you designed the city.

It's not my fucking problem.

You know, it's like, yeah, it's not my fucking problem that.

But your landlord would get a trash can and then there would be less rats.

How are you so passionate about

the one thing that makes less

nicer?

Because, look,

I wrote in Jill Stein, and I think I might be a member of the Green Party now.

I think I might be, you know, fuck it.

And here's, so yeah, we got trash that leads to rats in the city.

The Republican answer is like,

let's make it, so here's how we can do it, is we'll make it legal for landlords to pass on the fines from sanitation violations to their tenants.

Is that part of the law?

Well, that's like, that's what Republicans would want.

Whereas liberals would say, oh, well, how about this?

The landlords have to pay for it.

But then we'll have all of these baroque rules about when you can put the trash can out and the type of trash can.

And it's like, oh, well, my friend who's going to design the trash can, they'll be in it.

And like the trash can, they have to be pride-themed, you know, like

whereas the Green Party will say, how about this?

If we just flood the city with rats, then there won't even be garbage because they'll eat all of it.

They'll eat all of it.

Then we don't even need the Department of Sanitation.

So that's my thinking, is you just leave the garbage out, get as many rats as possible, and then it'll become like barnacles, basically.

But then my wife's family will be upset because they won't have jobs anymore.

Your wife's family are rats?

No, they're sanitation workers.

What are you talking about?

I thought you were Italian.

Yeah, they'll have...

So your wife's family eats garbage?

I don't know.

No, they pick up the garbage.

They like...

Sorry to raise my voice.

That's okay.

Yeah.

You spilled all over yourself.

You're having a tough day.

We're going to beat this thing.

Yes,

I hope so.

I'm actually representing Mike in court.

I don't even have dress socks.

These are,

I guess they're like a Christmas-themed

sock that I had realized.

That's the nice side.

I didn't realize they'd be showing on the show.

You look like a black father trying to get his son back.

This is an insane look for you.

Thanks.

One of the saddest things I've ever seen.

I had to go to jury duty, and there was an older African-American gentleman that had like a dusty suit on showing up at the civil court, and his suitcase, he was using a PlayStation 3 box.

Really?

He's a businessman.

He was a lawyer?

I don't know what was going on, but it was a

briefcase.

It was a PlayStation 3 box with tape around the edges to reinforce it.

That is not a fucking racist lie that I made up.

I saw it and it made me feel bad.

Yeah, you just never know what people are going through or what they can afford.

I mean, when you see that, you know it's a lot.

You know it's not anything good.

That's bad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How do you know so much about like the legal process whenever you whenever i have a question in that area

you do yeah okay

because i'm always like where does where did nick learn about this kid is he's a lawyer i don't know any

lawyer dog you go in you talk about law legal stuff all the time when i broke that guy's table a few years ago i called nick and i'm like what's happening i broke this guy's table he's refusing to pay for the job no i'm just telling you what my argument would be right but i know but you use all these legal terms those guys that would be in court like i'm a sovereign citizen, and then I get the death penalty.

For not having a trash can.

Don't listen to me.

Yeah, but you used to call it a trip.

I was angry on your behalf and getting defensive.

And like, here's how I.

You wanted me to call the police on the garage.

I did not want you to call the police in the garage.

I said, don't fucking.

I said, wait until I get down there to talk to these guys.

And I never need you to call me.

I never told you to call the fucking police.

The guy was disrespectful, and I just, you know how I did it.

They forgot the door code to a Tesla and blocked his car in.

And they were like, You're going to come back tomorrow to pick up your car.

That's fine.

Adam was like, I'll pay for it now.

And they're like, No, you have to pay for it tomorrow.

And they were

paying for night parking.

They completely inconvenienced him by not being able to get his car out of the lot.

Can we dial the story back a little bit?

Yeah.

What happened?

You had a Tesla car.

Adam parked his car in the garage.

He had a car?

He had his car.

And he owns a car.

He owns a car.

A Tesla.

Evolvo.

No, Evolvo.

Somebody else has a Tesla.

Evolvo V.

John.

You're so so anti-Semitic, you don't know I have a car.

I knew I knew you had people walking around.

It used to be a Palestinians' car, to be fair.

What's that?

It used to be a Palestinians' car.

Oh, okay.

So he parked his car in the garage.

Yeah.

And he goes to pick up his car in the late afternoon.

And then he gets there and they're like, yeah, we can't get your car out because there's a Tesla parked in front of it and the Tesla has like a n a code in addition to the keys.

And we forgot the code.

Okay.

So they fucked up, blocked his car in, they can't get it out.

In a garage.

In a garage.

In a garage.

So

they said, you'll have to come back tomorrow.

Right.

So he goes, okay, I'll come back tomorrow, but I'll just pay for the parking now.

And they're like, no,

you're going to have to pay for the full term.

You're going to charge him another day.

They're going to charge him another day.

You're going to fuck out of here.

Yeah, right.

And any normal person would be like, you're out of your fucking mind.

Either the parking's completely free.

Yeah.

Because this is when I need my car and you're keeping it for another fucking day.

Or, you know, like, I mean, I'm not paying any, I'm not paying fucking anything.

Yeah.

You know, like, that's where you start.

That's even like the tiniest injustice will make you like want to fucking and then he's like, he's like, they're gonna make me pay for another debt.

And then like,

okay,

that's not what happened.

What happened was he's like, you know, and the guy was yelling at him.

He's like, fuck you.

He's like, fuck you.

I keep you discount all the time.

Fuck you.

And I was like, get out of here.

I was like, bro, I'm just, I'm don't want a problem.

I can't clearly have my car right now.

I'll come back tomorrow.

Yeah.

And he's like, he's like, you give me shit.

And I was like, listen, brother, like, just what?

And then his coworker was like, the code to the Tesla?

No, his co-worker was like, listen, man, he has prolands.

Okay.

He has a lot of prolands.

His family was killed by Sicario.

Yeah.

And I was like, listen, I've seen Sicario.

He's describing the plot of Sicario, and you're like, that's Sicario.

Listen, and then he's like, okay, how about this?

He was actually, so he was a witch, and

there was a princess who was asleep, and she lived with Midges.

And everyone thought he was a bad guy, but actually, he has his own stuff going on.

You're like, wait a minute, that's the musical wicked.

And he's like, I think he's figured out my scam.

I say, there was a problem with the parking, and then when people fight about it, I say, okay, listen.

So he is a mentally disabled man living in South Carolina, and he loves radios.

And the local football team at the high school...

bro.

At first, they do a bully to him.

They put him in a shed and beat him.

But the coach, he says, no, we make him the number one mentally disabled man in the town.

And so if you don't pay the full parking, radio will be very sad.

And I was like, yeah, I guess you're right.

I'll pay $250 for overnight parking.

Yeah, so he apologized the next day.

Yeah.

And he said to me, he has prolong and that

he didn't want me to call his boss and get him fired.

Were they both the same race?

Because you made one sound like he was Middle Eastern and the other.

They were both Chicano Latino.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which I am as well.

I'm from the West Coast.

I understand La Raza and

I like the Smiths.

I like the Danes.

Are Puerto Ricans actually mad about the Tony Hinchcliffe thing?

I don't.

I keep being told by Jen Saki and Abby Phillips that Puerto Ricans are mad, but I feel like if Puerto Ricans were mad, you would know.

You would know, yeah.

Yeah, you know?

I think they're

not.

It seems like it's another lie for climate change.

Right.

They're like, oh, look at the Puerto Ricans are mad.

In the same way, they're like, the weather is bad.

And I'm like, the weather seems the same to me.

I mean, I guess it's

bad sometimes.

Right, it doesn't seem like they're any more or less mad.

If Kill Tony blows Pennsylvania for Trump, it is very funny.

Yeah.

You know, at the end of the day, that is very funny.

I don't think that's a real thing, though.

You You know what I realized in all of that?

Because I saw it initially where they were like, oh, people are mad about his island of garbage comment.

And then, like, I thought he was talking about Staten Island.

Uh-huh.

And then I realized this.

At some point in my life, somebody told me that Staten Island was made out of garbage.

Oh, okay.

That it was a constructed island that they had created out of garbage.

And clearly that was a...

That's not that far from well, clearly that was a joke.

Yeah.

And I've been to Staten Island plenty.

Yeah.

And

until that moment i never realized like oh there's no way that's true

until you've been there until you went there no until two days ago oh okay

i've continued thinking like oh this is an island made out of they just like it was a landfill it was a floating landfill and they kept adding garbage and then they planted trees on top of it yeah yeah and i thought that until yeah i'm almost 36

And I was like, wow, that's crazy.

And then I was thinking about other things that I've just like, like, you know, there's things, I am not, not I'm not smart but like that seems particularly stupid and there's facts like that that I have in my head that are just in there and I never even because they got in so long ago I don't even question them like I just remembered in thinking about that that I thought Amber Frost was Chinese until we had lived together for like a year.

No, and then we had to have a conversation.

See, I don't really want to know what race she is, though, because it's like a mystery.

And she told me recently how old she was.

And

said you know I didn't know that well I just didn't know it was kind of fun to like not not

I thought she was half Chinese or something for years because we've been Facebook friends for years okay and then when we finally hung out in person I was always like is this person Chinese or like what's that's made you know one of her Facebook friends because I was like what the hell is this right right and so I thought she was maybe half Chinese or something and then the first time we ever hung out

I lived in Chinatown so she was in Chinatown and she was like meet me at Pearl River Mart.

I'm shopping.

And because she was at Pearl River Mart, I was like, she's buying Chinese stuff

for her Chinese home for Chinese Chinese.

And then,

yeah, it was like, you know, I don't know, yeah, we lived together for a year, and she was like, so-and-so thought I was Chinese.

And I'm like, ha ha ha, wait, what?

Yeah.

You know, I'm like, you're not Chinese?

She's like, no, I'm not fucking Chinese.

I was trying to tell you that.

He kept calling her a lotus blossom.

Okay.

And I was like, she's not Chinese.

Right.

She's just allergic to bees.

She's having an allergic reaction.

But I feel like Amber's race is like a secret, though, because it's like she doesn't tell you what she is.

And I don't want to ask.

Which most people do, usually right when you meet them.

Right when you meet them, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm Blazian.

Right.

My name is Marcus.

I'm Blazian.

I'm Blazian.

Yeah.

So it's almost like

Amber's race should be a mystery.

Yeah.

Because I never knew how old she was.

I never knew if she was older than me, younger than me, and I didn't.

It was kind of fun not knowing.

And then she told me.

She ruined your fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's 27.

She's 27 years old and she looks.

Really?

She's over the hill.

Did you get to see her when she was in town?

I saw her boyfriend had a movie premiere.

Yeah, I was there.

Yeah, right.

I saw you.

I thought I saw you.

Yeah.

I couldn't tell if it was you or not.

Yeah.

And then

I had to get another fucking root

scaling and root planing done that morning where they like numb you all up and then they'd like dig under your gums.

Yeah.

Which I guess is now I have to do every time.

Yeah.

So

I was like fucking, my head was throbbing and I just wanted to go home.

So I just dipped out as soon as it ended.

I wanted to dip out too.

Nick texted me and he said.

He said I had a dental problem.

You left because you thought the movie was bad?

No, the movie was great.

Oh, why'd you want to leave?

Well, Nick texted me and he said, were you at the premiere?

I thought I saw you.

And I said, yeah.

And then I left because I was tired

and I didn't feel like hanging out or socializing or anything.

And I said,

What good is going to come out of me going to say hi to Nick?

I mean, like, what?

We're going to say hi and then we're going to go home because we both don't want to do this.

We're going to both too old.

With this, whatever this is.

I think this is a good episode.

Oh, okay.

I think you had some really good things.

I'm just sitting here trying to make you look good.

Don't make it like I'm some kind of queen that needs to be made to look good.

I'm lowering my hat.

Yeah.

Get me in.

Oh, add.

Oh, guys, by the way,

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I forgot that I was doing it, so I should mention it now.

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So, guys, have you used cornbread, Nick?

Yes, they sent us some to the office.

Yeah, and you enjoyed it.

It took the edge off your day?

It did.

It put me right to sleep.

It was nap time, middle of the day.

Usually I wake up.

I like to get an early start, so I wake up around 11 11 a.m.

And then, you know, I get my stuff done.

Rise and grind.

Feed the cat, and then I show up at the office around 1.30.

And then I go through some expenses from seven months ago, and I put those into a spreadsheet, and then I print that out, and then I throw in the garbage, and then it's nap time.

And so I'll take a cornbread

gummy, and then I will usually take a nice six and a half hour nap.

And then I go home and I watch probably six or seven episodes of Seventh Heaven.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

And is it a different experience now that you know the truth about the game?

There's one

shout out to

Tim Dylan.

That's a lot of people know that's where he got his start.

He plays Dwight on 7th Heaven in three episodes.

Really?

Yeah, young Tim Dylan plays Dwight.

And that'll be a fun little treat if you want to look up that character and maybe see those episodes.

And when he shows up and you go, oh, that's,

yeah, that is Tim.

Is it streaming anywhere?

I think it's on Amazon Prime.

Okay.

It's so funny because I would watch that show as a kid and I despised it.

But it would just be on.

It would be on.

And you'd get home from school and you'd watch Seventh Heaven and it's just such an obnoxious show.

Yeah.

And the more you watch it, it's like, this isn't even a Christian family.

This is like, the father's like the fucking Ayatollah here.

Yeah.

In every scene, there's a private conversation happening where it's like, should I let dad know that I want to cut my bags?

And like, the entire family's like, Eve's, they're outside the door listening.

And the dad's like, Mary wants to change her hair without asking me.

My children are losing their minds.

And then the wife is like, Eric, is it really that bad?

He goes, Yes, it is, you know, and then it's like this screaming match.

All right, when I was 22, I tried to like put that, I tried to recut the intro for Seventh Heaven, where it's like, because you know, the song, like, Seven Heaven, when I see their smiling face,

it's okay.

You're fine.

Doesn't matter.

I know this is

the

family, so not contributing anything to this.

Seventh heaven.

Go ahead.

No, I'm done.

I was background voting.

And the dad was like a full-on-life.

Well, I want to recut the intro and just replace all the

characters

like title inserts or whatever, but just with scenes of them screaming or crying.

Because

that was my memory of the show.

Right.

People are always fucking miserable.

And Matt's always like,

it's like, where the hell is is Matt?

He's been out all night.

And it's like, oh, he was helping orphans do math.

And they were like, well, we still have to punish him because he didn't call.

And it's like, it's just such a fucking, it's just, it's like watching people suffer in solitary confinement.

And but it's then you're supposed to be like, what a nice family.

You know, I don't know who it's for.

Yeah.

I really don't know who it's for.

Yeah.

And the only thing that makes it better is knowing that the father was having sex with children in real life.

It's like that he's like, at least he's doing something he actually likes.

Sure.

It is good to have structure and discipline in your life, though.

Huh?

It is good to have structure and discipline.

But they don't really have that.

No.

No.

Okay.

They live in this big, beautiful house off of his minister's salary.

It doesn't make any sense.

Right.

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Cheers to a happier, healthier hour, happy hour.

Cheers to a healthier, happy hour.

Let's run that again.

Cheers to a healthier, happy

hour.

I wouldn't mind taking a stab at one of those.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

sorry.

You were knocking that over.

I just didn't want you to

spill your coffee again.

He's doing it again.

It's okay.

I think coffee stains are kind of easy to get out of clothes.

I love this look, dude.

You do?

It's going to be.

The second chance finance manager at the used car lot.

Yeah.

You're like, yeah, we can sell you the 30-year-old Previa, but it's going to be at fucking 85% APR.

Yeah.

You know, zero down.

Yeah.

For 25 years.

But it's going to end up costing you $100.

Yeah, probably.

Probably about that.

I'm just feeling like I need to dress better because I take my kid to preschool every morning in Tribeca.

Yeah.

And I go, I want to go.

This looks like you're trying to fuck one of the moms.

I mean, this is.

This is too much.

Yeah, dude.

I do want to see the kids.

What's the talent like at that school?

Of kids.

Not that it matters.

No, not the kids.

Oh, the mommies.

The mommies.

There's one.

Yeah, it's nice.

Not that it matters.

I mean,

we're happy with married men.

You have a career, man.

What do you mean?

Like, you're a notable, like, good comedian.

Right.

Yeah.

Like, why are you going to preschool like this?

He's trying to get a lot of money.

I just thought of this.

I just think this guy lost his job.

No, it's just you should go looking like a comedian.

I know, but I feel like I shouldn't have told you.

Other dads have to dress like this, and you get to wear like,

you know, like your fucking Hezbollah hoodie.

And then people are like, how do you get away with that?

And you're like, yeah, well, my job is,

you know, I talk about cigarettes in Palestine,

and then I go do jokes about being Italian.

No, he wants Ben to see his dad in a nice suit picked up.

I guess it's like,

yeah.

No, you should be like Kevin Smith.

Okay.

You and your daughter should have the same big junko shorts.

I just don't want anyone to think I'm like a degenerate.

I don't know.

I'm feeling a little bit more.

Do you kids think that, though?

I mean, it's like

there are people that are like, it's like, oh, well, how do you think you became an alcoholic?

They're like, oh, my dad would wear shorts.

Yeah.

You know, it's like, that's not a way you can fuck up a kid is by having whack clothes.

I'm just trying to be less of a commie these days.

Well, I'll tell you what you need to do: watch Seventh Heaven and take a page out of Eric Camden's book.

Okay.

Because that man is a perfect father.

Okay.

There's not a single element of any of his children's lives that he doesn't have complete control over.

Even their internal thoughts, they're not allowed.

They run it by him, and then he issues fatois from the kitchen.

Okay.

You know, like, that seems like that's the ideal situation.

I hate that show.

You're still mad about it much.

Yeah, well, I still.

Were you when you were like mad after it?

I literally have been watching it every night.

I was up until 2 a.m.

watching fucking 7th Heaven last night.

Really?

Yeah.

I can't help myself.

And then it builds.

And I'm sitting there with my girlfriend, and the intro comes on.

I'm like, I hate this fucking song.

And she's like, do you want to skip it?

I'm like, no.

Just let it wash over.

It gets me fired up

to just fucking hate these people.

And

it works.

But that's like.

It's like the family's being bad.

The family's never doing anything that's actually bad.

Right.

You know, it's like fucking, you know, Eric, who's like the older brother, who's like 30 years old.

Like, he stays at.

Barry, what's his name?

Yeah, Barry Watson.

He like stays at a girl's house until like 5 a.m.

And then the dad's like, wow, have you completely lost your mind?

You know, and that's like exactly how he reacts.

It's like screaming at the top of his lungs.

And then they're grounded.

But like, what does that mean?

Because it's like they're still allowed to...

They're like, well, he can still go to the library and go to school.

And it's like, that's all he was doing anyways.

He doesn't do anything.

Their kids don't do anything other than fucking homework.

Deep down, you want to be a member of this family.

And you know,

I want to watch more episodes of Seventh Heaven and be like, you fucking piece of shit.

And it's good, and it's healthy because they're fictional characters.

Now, when there's a TV show like that where there's, I mean, how many seasons of Seventh Heaven are there?

I think there's seven seasons of it.

So

there's seven seasons.

There's probably like 20 episodes in a season.

How do you approach

a piece of content like that?

Just

pick randomly?

No.

You just watch it straight through.

Because

straight through watch it straight through there was a good one i got it was like it was maybe episode five or six of season one yeah where and they're in living in like i'm assuming this is supposed to be like northern california i think it's about it's like it's like elk grove or something how far into the series are you i'm he's close to the end of the second season now okay so the they're in it's like soprano so he but he's watched like 20 hours they're in like suburban sacramento's already seen it this is like his fourth time around is they're in suburban sacrament No, this is the first time I've sat down to watch the show.

I mean, it was on all the time when I was a kid.

So a lot of this I'm familiar with having seen the show.

Yeah.

But like,

so they're in suburban Sacramento, and the year is 1996, and somebody burns down the black church.

You know, because, yeah, that's just

all that's happening there.

And so the black church family has to move in with the Camdens for a week while they, like, you know,

I don't know why they have to move in with them.

I think it's because they're worried somebody might burn down their house, also.

Right.

And so they're, I mean, it's like 1950s Alabama.

It's fucking insane.

People are burning down the black minister's house and like all this stuff.

I mean, yeah, so they have to live with the Camdens.

And they live with the Camdens and like the children, they have the scene.

They move in and all the black kids are in one side of the living room and the white kids are on the other side of the living room.

And the white kids are like, so do you

like

things?

You know, like they say they never

met a black kid.

They've never met a black kid, and it's like one by one they start integrating, right?

And so like, you know, they pair off, because obviously the black family have the same kids of the same age, right?

And they brought all their grandkids in too, right?

So it works their way up from the bottom.

So the young, the babies, because they haven't learned prejudice yet, they get along right away.

Oh, okay.

And then Simon.

Yeah, and then Simon and Simon and the black boy, they make it.

So of course you're prejudiced against the people who are living in your house.

Yeah, right.

But I I mean it's like they I mean they might as well be fucking aliens.

And then Simon and the black child or son, they become friends and they go to a park and they're playing and then Simon decides to take all his toys away and then a bully on the park calls him an N-word lover and Simon punches him in the face.

I mean, it's like, I mean,

it's insane.

Yeah, it's fucking insane.

That like

an eight-year-old would be dropping the N-box.

But like N-word lover.

N-word lover, yeah.

You know, like,

it's nuts.

You know, and then so, and then Simon's like, you know, you take that back.

Meanwhile, at the same time, the same character, Simon, is like, mom, why would anyone want to burn down their church?

Like, he just doesn't understand it.

Right.

But he knows, he knows about the N-word and what N-word lover means, and that's happening.

Of course.

Lucy becomes friends with the black daughter.

And so Lucy comes out and she's got, oh, she looks like Bo Derek now.

She's got fucking braids.

Oh, right, right, right.

And then the father's like, what?

What is this?

Normally, if she had had braids, that would be a screaming match in the house, and he would make her shave her head.

She has to accept that.

And spend like 10 days in that black cube in Mecca, you know, as punishment.

But not this time.

So they come out, and the family, they see Lucy's braids, and she's like, look what Keisha did, you know?

And then Keisha walks in the frame.

She goes, it's an ancient African hairstyle dating back to, and then explains that this is an ancient African hairstyle, you know, and that's why she has the braid.

So that's their cultural sharing.

And then the final part is the older black brother and Matt, they don't, they take the longest to get to, you know.

So at one point,

they take the longest.

Simon is in at odds.

Are the parents at odds too?

Are they cool with each other?

No, no, no, no.

No, they've been older.

They're cool because they're boomers and they solved racism.

Really?

They went to Woodson.

They understand.

Yeah, they remember fucking listening to.

They're Che Guevara.

Yeah, exactly.

They remember.

They were.

They weren't like, they were probably.

There was an evangelical Christian.

They vaguely aware of like soul music.

Yeah.

You know, so that means they don't have to, they get all this.

This is like, you know, because it's 1996.

So the ment the prevailing mentality at the time is like boomers solved racism.

Boomers solved racism.

We figured it out.

People are overreacting to Rodney King.

It's like, so that's, you know, anyways, so then the older brother,

the older brother and, you know, they don't really get along because the older black brother is like, he's kind of surly, you know.

And, you know, Mary's like, hey, you guys want to play basketball?

He's like, oh, oh, because that's what we like.

We like basketball, huh?

You think that's what we do after church?

You know?

And so, like, Matt, like, Matt and him, there's tension.

And then they go to pick up the kids at school, right?

They go pick up Simon, and Simon's taken a while to get out, you know, because he's in suspension for punching that boy that called him an N-word love.

Oh, he got in trouble for that.

He got in trouble for it.

So he's in after suspension.

That's an injustice.

Yeah.

Did the boy get suspended too?

The one who died in the middle of the moment,

they don't mention him.

He's the principal now.

Yeah, no.

He got a promotion.

Yeah.

Well, you you have to understand, this is Sacramento in 1996.

This is on paid leave, the other kids.

So normalized.

Yeah, racist place, yeah.

Yeah.

And so the school security guard, he's like, he sees them parked outside in the loop where people park to pick up their children from school.

That's where they go.

And it's after school.

Yeah.

Time where you'd be.

I think I know where this is.

So Matt comes out and he's like,

he sees the black kids.

He's like, what the hell are you all doing over here?

And Matt's like, we're just picking our brother up from school, man.

stop giving us a hard time you know doing this yeah really doing his acting man man

man could you just like stop giving us a hard time man we're just picking up my christian brother from school and his friend

it's because there's a security guy there's a black guy in your car

yeah and he's like yeah well my job is to keep the vandals

You know, like looking at the black guy

away from here, vandals and miscreants.

You guys are going to get back in the car and leave.

He's like, we're picking up my brother, man.

Yeah.

You know,

we're just kidding.

You're not even a real cop.

And he's like, get back in the car and leave or whatever.

And they're like, whatever, man.

Forget you.

And then I think they just leave, Simon.

I can't remember if they pick him up or not.

But they leave and they're getting back to the house.

And then, like,

you know, they're walking back.

And the black brother is like, man, why do you think he gave us a hard time back there?

And Matt's like, I don't know.

The guy was just a rent-to-cop dick.

You know, he's like, oh, you think that's all it was?

You know?

And he's like trying to explain.

He's like, man, everybody is afraid of me.

Did I ever do anything to you?

Did I ever threaten you?

Did I ever hurt you in any way?

But you're afraid of me, too, just like the security guard was.

And then, like, Matt says to the black kids, he goes, no, you know what the issue is, man?

It's your attitude.

Oh, no.

You go around with a chip on your shoulder, like everybody owes you something.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

And living off the door.

And then the black older brother, he's like, he goes.

Like, he takes it into consideration.

Wait, that's the lesson?

That's the cultural sharing that happens is that they have bad attitudes.

Yeah, they got bad attitudes.

They were just waiting for handouts.

They got bad attitudes.

And so

Matt teaches the older brother that it's like because black men have a bad attitude.

That's why stuff like that.

Oh.

And then at dinner,

what?

There's an ongoing joke throughout the episode where each one, they take each family member, it goes down the line until they take turns where somebody says, you know, if you rub salt on butter, it heats up, and then they pour salt on the butterstick, and then he goes, yeah, put your hand over it.

And then when they put the hand over it to feel it, so the other person smashes their hand in it.

Oh, good prank.

Right.

And then the dads are like, oh, I remember this trick.

And it's like, what?

No, but this isn't a trick.

It's some weird fucking thing you made up.

They're going to end up with a grease stain on their shirt.

It starts with Matt, and they do the trick down the family until it gets to Ruthie.

And then Ruthie does it to the older black brother.

And then this is after Matt's speech to him about his attitude, right?

It's your attitude.

Yeah.

It's your shitty attitude.

And then, but, but before that, before how the butter gets to the table, right?

Because Matt says that to the older brother, and the other brother remembers, he's like, oh, it's my attitude problem.

That's why black males are, you know.

Oh, my God.

And, yeah.

So then they're at the dinner table, and the mom says, Matt, can you go tell Lucy to bring the butter into the kitchen?

And Matt, instead of getting up, he goes, Lucy, bring the butter into the kitchen.

And then they kind of look at him and he like shrugs or whatever.

So what Matt has learned from black people is being loud.

Being loud and abusive to women.

Being loud.

That's what he picked up.

Yelling at women?

Yeah, is screaming.

Wow.

So he's learned that.

That's the cultural sharing that happens between us.

That's crazy.

And someone's getting residuals from that episode.

Yeah, and then the rapist is.

Yeah.

Episode, of course, whoever wrote that is, yeah.

With the parents obviously almost fucking while dancing to Louis Armstrong.

Okay.

Yeah.

Wait, that's black music?

Yeah.

But it was black music from like the 30s.

Yeah.

It's not like Marvin.

They're listening to like Scott Jops.

It's not Motown.

It's not a big show.

Yeah.

They're listening to Hello Mammy.

Dude, that is demented.

Oh, sorry.

That's not how the episode ends.

The episode ends with the black pastor deciding to hold a service at the

white church?

No, at the remains of where the black church is.

So there's some of it, some of the altar is still visible.

The stained glass is still there.

The rest of it's burned out.

But they do it outside, right?

And so they have chairs set up.

And then you see all the people in the town coming together to attend the black church's service, the first one since it got burned down.

So we see the white people showing up.

We see the black people showing up.

Then we see a Sikh man showing up for some reason.

There's a guy with a turban and the whole outfit on.

And then two Wahhabist

Saudi princes.

Muhammad Atta.

And those are, that's those are, no, literally, they've got the.

Just the 9-11 hijackers.

They've got the whole.

No, they've got the whole outfit on.

They're dressed like they're in fucking Dubai or some shit.

Adam's parents show up.

Yeah, well, no, that's it.

My mom, and then that's it for the cultural sharing: is they have

for some reason there's a Sikh man and then two Saudi princes, and then they're like, and that's everybody.

Yeah, and we're all here.

And that's all the kind of people in suburban Sacramento.

Yeah.

And he gives a good sermon.

He's like, he ends with like,

he's like, I can't help but be reminded of my son's words.

Dear God, please stop the fires.

And that's it.

And then freeze frames.

that's it yeah

that's it i don't believe that

it's your attitude

yeah

well so he earned he learned how to act right

who the the older people learned how to pull his pants that's all is you get that one moment and then ruthie smashes his hand in the butter and you can see he wants to be mad for a moment and kill her naturally.

He was going to have his gang killed.

But then he remembers Vet's speech.

Yeah, so he stops.

He was going to wild out on her.

Guys, I wanted to talk about something called Kalshi.

Next week, as you know, Mike, what is next Tuesday?

Next Tuesday is

one of the Jewish holidays?

Come on.

Also, this is...

Diwali's on Friday.

I know Diwali's on Friday.

I'll just put this.

Speaking of Diwali, I found out something that's so good.

It's like, you know, sometimes when you see something that's like, it's overwhelming how good it is that you can't even laugh at it.

Yeah.

you're like this is too much like i was in montreal one time and i saw there was a woman with a vietnamese pot belly pig as a pet i remember that and i went up no you weren't there yeah i did i took a picture this was when i did jfl in 2012.

that lady was in montreal i did it in 2011 piece of shit dude no it wasn't oh yeah this is my story also

it was in 2012 when i did jfl so i went where was it then where'd you see her in mile end in where mile end mile end yeah in the neighborhood mile end neighborhood

neighborhood dasha took took a bad picture.

My ex-girlfriend, Dasha, took a picture of me.

Produced the picture.

I saw a lady with the.

It was not produced.

I say produce the picture.

Okay, text her right now.

No, you do this.

Should we call her?

I don't believe you.

We'll call her.

You chose to insert yourself.

No, you chose violence.

No.

I don't know what that means.

I saw the pig.

I go up to the lady, and, you know, because I'm like, wow, pig.

And the pig has its penis out.

And she's like,

he's having a hard time right now.

And his penis is out, and it's leaking cum and it's shitting at the same time.

Like, I don't know what's going on.

And I'm surrounded by people speaking French, and it's like, this is just too funny, or whatever.

But I couldn't even laugh at it because it was so absurd.

So, anyways, how this relates to Diwali, I recently found out

that in 2012, Bollywood remade the film I Am Sam.

No.

Oh, wow.

And there's a Bollywood version of I Am Sam that has sword fighting and dinosaurs in it.

Does it have a dance sequence?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We have to watch it.

You get to think about it.

There's so much that we're missing out on just being in our little bubble.

America.

Yeah.

The bubble of America.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How do you find.

Have you seen it?

Well, you go to fucking Mumbai and

you

start supporting Israel.

Sure.

Yeah.

Start tweeting about them a lot.

Yeah.

I love those guys.

They love it.

Because of this conflict, you would think it would make people anti-Semitic, but I think it's making people hate Indians.

Yeah.

If you're just on Twitter,

I mean, these Indian guys are insane.

The best was seeing them responding to the people of Khalifa.

And then they pretend like they live in Israel.

Yeah.

Yeah, those guys were so mad at me at Khalifa.

They're like, I'm in a bomb shelter right now.

Yeah.

They're like, Israel is so very, very strong.

So beautiful and powerful.

I love you.

Israel kiss, kiss.

You know, it's like, this is not an Israeli person.

This is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, they got so mad at me.

Why are they so invested?

What?

Mia Khalifa for being pro-Palestine.

Oh, I'm sure.

They're like, you bitch dog.

Because you could tell they loved her so much.

Oh, sure.

And that was the final straw.

Yeah.

The hijab blowjob,

they bent a couple rules for that, but then

disrespecting Israel is their final straw.

Yeah.

I delete all your movies.

Yeah.

It's got to be tough being betrayed like that.

What are you talking about?

When somebody that you love, you feel like they turned on you.

I know.

It is really hard.

That's how I felt when

I found out Trump was a Republican this whole time.

That's how I felt when I found out Kamala was black.

I thought she was Indian.

I thought she was Indian.

I thought she was Indian this whole time.

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You guys have Halloween plans?

Oh, that's tomorrow, isn't it?

It's tomorrow.

It always sneaks up on you.

Yeah.

And yeah.

I never have enough time to build the costume.

And then, you know, when I go to the store and everything's picked over,

and then your wife.

You wouldn't just duct tape a bunch of pizza boxes to yourself.

And people are like, like, what are you?

And you're like, I'm Michael Cena.

I'm picking my kid up.

I guess I could.

My kid goes to the school.

I mean, I had a lot of good ideas, but my kid wants to be Sonic the Hedgehog.

So now I got to be Tails, and mommy's got to be Knuckles.

So it's like, I don't know if there's going to be a Tails.

Why can't you guys just be Sonic's parents from the movie?

Did he have parents?

He did.

He's fucking,

it's Cyclops from X-Men.

Oh, and

the the black lady.

Yeah.

Those are his parents, right?

Don't they adopt Sonic at the end of the moment?

I think so.

Yeah, James Marsden, right?

He's like the sheriff.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

That's actually such a good idea.

I'm going to do that.

Yeah, just put Deb and Blackface.

Yeah.

And then you go pick your kid up, and Deb's like,

I'm Sonic's mom.

Yeah.

Just don't explain that in line at Starbucks.

What the fuck is everyone looking at?

What's the problem?

I'm Sonic's mom.

My son's dressed as Sonic's mom.

My son's being got hired.

I'm playing his mom.

Probably the worst blackface you could do.

Sonic's mom?

Yeah, the worst excuse to do blackface.

Can you imagine Justin

being like, I'm sorry,

I was playing the role of Sonic's mom

for Halloween, for Canadian Halloween, which is every day.

So I was playing Sonic's Moom

and

the costume got a little out of control.

That's how we do it in Canada.

I've been re-watching Degrassi, too.

Degrassi?

Yeah.

How's that?

Great.

This is his favorite show.

It's the best show on fucking television ever made.

There's an episode where, so the the and I it was crazy because I always like for years I was always like who does Jared Kushner look like and it's Darcy from Degrassi.

Okay.

They have the same face and so Darcy she Darcy got raped and so she has emotional problems now.

And so she's acting out in school and she tells Mr.

S.

And so and that's the other thing I'm noticing on a rewatch.

It's very funny that like 90% of their education seems to be like a class where you learn how to use Google.

Uh-huh.

Computer class.

They're always in the media immersion class with Mr.

S.

They're always in computer class.

And so,

um, you know, she confides in him, and then at one point, she gets like

share.

Her boyfriend breaks up with her to, you know, like, I think be either in a band or to be into his Honda.

Or no, it's but he gets into like, he's dating Emma, and then he's dating fucking Darcy at one point.

But so she's just trying to fuck anybody, they'll fuck her.

Eventually, she tries to fuck one of the bad kids from the other high school that get integrated.

Oh, no.

And but that guy won't fuck her on the roof either.

So she goes to Mr.

S and she's like touching his hand.

And he's like, Darcy, I don't think I can be your confidant anymore.

So she tells him what happened.

And then so he she's like, I was raped.

And he's like, okay.

And so he brings her into the principal's office with the counselor.

And he's like, you want to tell them what you told me?

You know, and she's like, okay, Mr.

S, I'll tell them.

Mr.

S has been rubbing his penis against my shoulder, you know, and like he's like, he's been touching my legs and being weird to me, you know, in class.

And then they're like,

they're like, oh, Mr.

S, this is fucking, you know, this is really bad.

And they're like, you're suspended without pay.

And then, of course, it's like, you know, this is 2003.

So the students are like, hey, Mr.

S, did you know there's actually a slam website about, you know, there's like a website, like Mr.

S is a pedophile.

There's like, you know, animations on there.

Yeah, about him.

And so he's suspended, and then fucking, there's this whole drama about him having to get, Darcy tells the truth, but then he has to, there has to be an official investigation.

And so, like, a couple episodes later, he gets off the phone, and he's there with Emma and Emma's mom, and he's like, Guess who is officially not a pedophile?

What?

It's like a line on the show.

No, sorry.

I fucked it up.

He goes, Guess who has two thumbs and is officially not a pedophile?

This guy.

Yeah, that's the line.

Why is he not a pedophile?

Because the cleaning.

The rape kit came back clean.

Darcy was a lying bitch.

She was lying.

Yeah.

Well, she admits to lying.

She was lying.

Because she didn't want anybody to know that she was sexually assaulted.

So she accused the teacher of molesting her instead.

There's like a rape every episode of that show of Degrassi.

It's insane.

I remember when Nick showed me DeGrassy for the first time, and he just looked at me once and he goes, this show goes fucking hard.

Well, the first episode is like Emma getting kidnapped by a pedophile.

Yeah, Emma almost gets murdered.

It's the first episode of the show.

She meets an online boyfriend and it's a pedophile and he lures her into a hotel room

and he gets her cornered in the bathroom and then Toby and JT, the other students, save her.

Okay.

Yeah.

With the parents.

And then the next episode, they're just back in class.

Great.

They're resilient people up in Canada.

Yeah.

They like nearly get murdered and raped every episode.

And then they're going to be in the middle And then back then nobody had to go.

And then once you get like four or five seasons into the show, every single scene, there's always a heightening of the drama.

So Drake gets shot.

That's everybody knows that about him.

And so he's in a wheelchair in the show.

And then he's dating Ashley, but he has to go to rehab.

And he shows up at rehab one time.

And one of the other rehab guys just casually walks into the rehab thing.

And he's like, yo, you're fucking walking?

He's like, what happened?

And he's like, oh, I got experimental stem cell surgery.

You know, and he's like, what?

And you can walk now?

He's like, yeah, it worked.

And then the girl, he develops a crush on this girl who's also handicapped, who has a special car that she lets him drive, you know, where you use like the gas and the breaker and, you know, this sort of thing.

And he leaves Ashley for that disabled girl.

And she's like, I'm going to Belgium to get the experimental stem cell surgery.

And so Jimmy's like, well, I want to do that too.

And he asks his mom and dad, he's like, can I go, you know, get the experimental stem cell surgery?

surgery?

And they're like, absolutely not.

Well, I don't know.

There's no reason for it.

Yeah, they're like, no way.

So you can walk in there.

And so he goes to his dad's office.

And when he's in his dad's office, he sees his dad is fucking his secretary, right?

And so, like, but so he goes back and he steals the money from his dad's office, the $10,000 to get the surgery.

And the dad's like,

you know, oh, so should we call the police over this?

He's like, why don't we, maybe should we tell mom that you're fucking the secretary?

And so he blackmails his dad into letting him get experimental stem cells.

So he can walk?

So he can walk again.

Yeah.

Wow.

Damn.

Yeah, no, the show's.

I love writing, dude.

Yeah.

I love like, yeah.

DeGrassy is amazing.

Because the thing about being a writer, you got to make something out of nothing.

You got to construct a story.

It's all like 90-year-old Jewish men.

Right, sure.

And then they have all these like

zero for the HIV crisis.

They have this, like, series of Fast and the Furious episodes episodes because that came out and it was popular.

So Emma's boyfriend, who's like a rich kid, he gets a Saab 9-6 for his birthday.

And I mean, it's so funny.

It's like baby blue, and it's like a cabriolet.

The gay car.

I mean, it should come with like a little bulldog that can't be placed on the ground.

The gayest car you can imagine.

And so, like, he's like really into his fast car, and then they go back to school.

Emma's dating him.

They show up at school.

And then Sean shows back up, you know.

And Sean is, you know, Emma's former boyfriend.

He's the bad boy.

And, you know, so like, Sean doesn't want to ruin Emma's relationship, so he's like, kind of ingratiates himself to the new boyfriend.

And he's like, you know, he sees the boyfriend installing an air filter, like a KNN air filter or whatever, something to make this car go faster.

And he's like, you know, what you really need is you need more fuel.

He's like, so we can put in like fucking, I don't know, like

just better, better fucking, yeah, better fuel injectors or something.

He's like, my friend set you up with some real mods, you know.

And then so he goes down to the parking lot to meet, you know, Sean's cool friends, and they go to the rate, and they're racing the cars in the parking lots.

Then it becomes this, like, fast and the furious thing where all the other cars are, like, you know, Supras and Civics and like all of these like import tuners.

And then he's got his Saab 9-6.

You know, and

then him and Sean have a race

for Emma's heart.

And

Sean runs over a man and kills him.

And almost kills him.

But then they're there and the other racers are like, Sean, you got to get out of here.

You're a bad boy with a criminal record.

He's rich.

He'll get a slap on the wrist.

And so Sean takes off and the rich kid takes the heat for it.

And of course, he just gets a slap on the wrist.

But his cavalier attitude towards harming this man distastes Emma.

He's like, yeah, it's a great thing that guy didn't die.

I would go to jail for life.

And Emma's like, that's all you care about?

You don't worry that you maybe hurt that man?

She's like, I'm disgusted with you.

Okay.

I don't know if we can be together anymore.

I really miss TV.

I miss watching TV.

You can't do it anymore?

I get maybe like 20 minutes.

Yeah, he is a child to raise.

He's not like me.

What?

He's a star-made baby man that's subjecting himself to

seventh heaven.

Just get the vein popping out of his forehead.

It looks so fun.

It's a lot of fun.

Every once in a while, I'll watch an episode of King of Queens, but I have to Google what's a good King of Queens.

I feel like I wasted my 20s trying to be in shape and learn things.

And now that I'm middle-aged, I'm like, I'm wearing Chinese food every night.

I'm fucking watching bad television.

And I'm going to be a fucking just idiot.

Yeah.

And

it's awesome.

I watched an episode of Malcolm in the Middle recently, and I was like, this is great.

Yeah.

Remember Craig?

What's that?

Remember Craig?

No.

Who's that?

He's the fat co-worker of The Mom.

And he wants to fuck her?

He wants to fuck the mom.

I forget.

Yeah.

I got to revisit it.

The Bernie Mac show, that was really good.

That's an awesome show.

But that's another one where it's like, not every episode is great.

So it's.

The boy wasn't right.

The boy wasn't right.

He was not right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you do kind of have to Google what episode should I watch.

At least I do.

It's a great premise for a show is that Bernie Mac.

Watch this clip from the show The Parenthood, which was on WB.

Okay, Parenthood, it's a Robert Townsend's hitcom.

It's very funny.

I used to watch that with my mom.

Okay, we loved Phase On Love on that show.

He was great.

Okay.

But this clip, I've been dying about this one,

Nick.

Come on, this is my shirt, right?

Didn't I tell you to say it on my closet?

Nico, please.

Are they mad?

Nicholas.

Yeah, I watched an episode of Martin recently, and like Gina goes out of town and she goes to the hotel, but Martin thinks Gina is like cheating on him.

So then he like goes to her hotel room and he like hides under the bed.

And it's like, I've never been under a bed at a hotel.

One time I was at a bar and I was talking to a girl.

I was like 21.

Okay.

And we were sitting at a table and there was a dart board there and there's darts on the table.

She's like, you go to your darts.

And I was like, totally.

And I just picked one up, threw it, bullseye.

The coolest thing I've ever done.

Wow.

Yeah, just by chance.

I mean, I wasn't even looking.

And I was like,

holy shit, dude.

Yeah.

And then I think then I just played Big Jang for the rest of the night.

I don't think I fucked that lady.

But

I saw two blue.

Okay.

But in that moment.

I'm sure you could have.

Very cool.

Another time I was watching Martin.

And

there was a series of Martin episodes on, right?

And Martin started.

He was still fading in, right?

And I was sitting there with a friend of mine, and I was like, this is the one where Gina gets her head stuck in the bed frame

and the headboard.

And it was.

Yeah.

Off just fading in on the opening.

This is the first frame.

Yeah, first frame.

This is what Regina gets stuck in.

And you're like, perfect.

Nailed it.

Headshot.

That was just a lucky guess, or you knew?

I'd say it was maybe 60% luck.

Yeah.

Sometimes things just line up.

Yeah.

Were you even looking at the dartboard when you threw it?

Wow.

No.

just you could have hit somebody with that dartboard.

But it was trashed.

It could have so drunk.

Yeah, wow.

It could have gone really bad.

Yeah, they had these, it was an Iron Horse on East 6.

Okay.

And they, which maybe it was an Iron Horse because

I think that was a gay bar, and I don't remember it being a gay bar.

It was a gay bar.

It probably was.

It was probably a guy bar.

Sometimes you just wander into a random bar.

It might have been a gay bar because their signature drink was like Five Alive with vodka in it, like whipped cream on top.

Oh, no, that's not gay, dude.

Yeah.

And I would drink a lot lot of those.

That's what you're called like Orange Sunrise or something like that.

I forget the name they had for it.

I mean you guys also know I'm a big fan of this show in addition to being your friend.

And I was listening to your day drinking story on YouTube a few weeks ago.

Oh, it's Steven?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And if you even go on YouTube and Google Adam's day drinking story, it's a very, very fun.

That was an early idea prior to the Adam Freelance show was just doing interviews, but with those kind of people.

Those kind kind of people, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

But instead, we kind of were.

I'm a fake bitch, so I wanted some labs.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that kind of stuff's great, but it's hard to put together, I imagine.

Interviewing for

interviewing people.

Some people are good at it.

Speaking of, did you see they brought Borat back out?

Yeah, he bombed for Kamala.

Yeah, I hated it.

Yeah, that seems like a weird choice.

Well, he's also, he loves is.

But it's like, are people like, oh my god, Borat.

Yeah.

That movie came out 20 years ago.

Yeah, yeah,

oh six

you were six, oh 2006.

Okay,

yeah, I think that was pretty much the best

moment of my life

in the theater seeing Borat.

Yeah, I think that's the happiest, purest laughter I've ever experienced.

It was just like not me, I always thought it was racist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I always knew it was the whole time.

I always knew it was

incredibly offensive to the proud people of Kazakhstan.

Kazakhstan.

And I thought that at the time.

I bit my tongue about it.

I just said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I've quite literally always been a principal.

I was vilified.

I was vilified for it.

I'm sorry, excuse me?

The first time I voted?

2020.

But no.

Yeah, I always thought that, yeah, to me, that was.

Right, because what was anti-Muslim about it?

They said it was anti-Muslim.

I don't know, because people in Kazakhstan

are Muslim.

I think it was more people found out that that guy made

the next series of movies he made, he did with full collaboration with the Mossad and CIA.

And that's more of the thing that's an issue than the

fencer of the people from Kazakhstan.

It was funny because they had the kid and the kid was smoking.

When?

In the Borat movie, he's leaving his village and the kid's driving the car.

Yeah.

The kid's driving the car, but the car's getting pulled by a donkey.

It's very funny.

It's so poor.

There's so poor.

They're so poor.

Is it the first poor act when he tries to put the bag over Pamela Anderson's?

Yeah, the sack.

Yeah.

It's so funny.

It's so funny.

Yeah, when he's in Philly and he talks to the black guys.

Yeah, what's up, Chocolate Face?

Well, yeah, what's up, Chocolate Face?

Me and my peeps.

But just the delivery on the like, you know, thank you so much.

I mean, he's a master of physical comedy.

And that's like, like he doesn't get credit for that because the characters are so well developed but right but yeah just I don't know if you what was that Sasha Baron Cohn did that like award show like

I forget what it was, but he like brought out, he brought out this old woman, and he's like, she's a Holocaust survivor, and he had her next to the stage, or she was the oldest person to ever win an Academy Award.

That's what it was.

He was like, she's 96 years old, and he has her in the wheelchair next to the podium, and he's just putting her next to the podium, and then trips and pushes this old bitch onto the stage and they're acting like he killed her.

And everyone thought it was real.

Real?

Yeah, and for a second, it looked, I mean, but it was just so funny.

And he's so good at that.

He's incredible.

But just the physicality of him being like, I love you, and

you are great.

And will you marry me?

And then he just likes the way he tries to put that bag over that lady's head.

Or him and the fat guy chasing each other naked through the convention.

The fight is incredible.

That guy's body is so funny.

It's funny.

Asamir Bagatov, or whatever.

And then at one point, he goes, Let's go back to New York.

At least there's no Jews there.

Just letting chickens off in the subway, like out of your briefcase.

Dude,

it is, honestly, it's been all downhill for me since that.

That is just the purest joy I've ever experienced.

I mean, yeah.

I was with my mom, too.

I went with my mom and dad, and my mom literally went like this, and she just kept looking at my dad and saying, I'm going to pee.

I'm going to pee, I'm going to pee.

Oh, yeah.

She loved it so much.

When he sees the turtle, and he goes, What kind of dog is this?

Which is like now that's like how hard that hit at the time for me.

I feel.

Yeah.

People saying something is the wrong thing has been too diluted, I guess.

I love it.

For sure.

Guys, check out Borad.

It's on streaming platforms everywhere.

Check out Stobbs movie.

Check out Borad.

Check out Stobb's movie.

Syracuse, Funnybone,

November 7th and 8th.

I will be there.

Please come out if you're there.

If you're an orange man.

Whoa.

The orange man's running for president, and Syracuse is the orangeman.

Now it's just the orange?

Why?

Because it was offensive to Trump?

That's hilarious.

This wokeness is driving me insane.

So everything's just got to be a-you can't call him fucking orange anymore.

They took his cock away.

They took his cock away.

Now it's just orange?

Just a color?

It's not orange.

It's just the color.

If I'm being honest, I hope Trump wins.

Yeah.

Because it's going to be bad no matter what.

It's always funnier.

If we're going to sit here and admit that Borad isn't racist, it's funny.

We should also admit that Trump should win the election.

And that's our official.

I know the Washington Post is too pussy to do it.

This is our official endorsement of Donald J.

Trump for president.

I want to see him go 47.

Because you know what?

I went a little shitlib the first time around.

what do you mean the first time Trump became president I tweeted some kind of shitlib things no you've always been a principled leftist you think we're as racist

that's the thing never has there been more of a permanent record of people's opinions than the current era we're living in right and just type somebody's name in and search and find things that they said

and you would think that that would

cause people to be a little bit more consistent, you know, but it has not.

Right.

People just I love flip-flopping.

Yeah.

I love it.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't believe in anything.

I go with the winner.

I'm a wait-and-see kind of guy.

Yeah, so guys, don't forget to vote next Tuesday.

Mike, thanks for joining us.

Thanks for having me, guys.

I love coming in.

I got a special ad on YouTube.

It's called I'm Normal if you haven't seen it yet.

And I have a podcast

every week.

Thanks.

I have a podcast every week called Out for Smokes.

I got some dates coming up.

They're all at microscene.com.

I'm doing Schenectady in a couple weeks.

Schenectady, Detroit, are you doing

me as a Minneapolis?

That's like a Minneapolis.

Because I remember that I had a gig.

Oh, but

you said you were like, I'm doing Schenectady,

you know, like

you love Synectike.

I do remember where it was.

Yeah.

It's a hard word.

It's a hard word to say.

Yeah.

It's a great movie.

It is.

It's a great movie.

Synecdoche, yeah.

I'll change it.

Really funny.

Yeah.

No, I mean it.

It's very fucking funny.

I was crying laughing last time I watched it.

Yeah.

I mean, Kaufman's like the best okay yeah he is he really is i just this this it's really ambitious with philip seymour hoffman digging through the toilet looking at the feces

and being like just and all he just sighs he sighs in a way that's like

this he's upset by the feces like there's something wrong with it you know what i mean

the poop disappointed it's like there's something wrong with it and it's something that comes from deep inside of you it's like you know it's just so funny because it's such a funny allegory for this, like, this, like, bizarre type of self-obsessed kind of like neuroses.

Like, because all Charlie Kaufman's movies exist in his head, and it's like this kind of like obnoxious, like, neuroses that, you know, it's kind of why I don't like Woody Allen stuff, you know?

Like, all that, like, neurotic art that's like about, like, oh, I'm so anxious or whatever.

It's like, nobody gives a fuck.

That's not what it's about.

And so Charlie Kaufman does it, but Charlie Kaufman does it knowing that that in and of itself is like kind of fucking pathetic and annoying.

So there's like a self-awareness to it where it's also, and there's nothing, there's no better visual analogy for that than a man sifting through his own feces.

But the sigh is like a not again sigh, right?

It's like, it's like a very, like, it's like, it's like, oh,

this is a fool me twice situation.

It's not like a sigh like,

You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's so matter of fact also.

God, I don't get to experience.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You left me hanging on that.

You know what I'm saying?

It's a sigh of, like, digging through one's own shit.

The assumption would be that it's the first time you've ever done it.

But then the sigh implies, like, oh, not again.

Okay?

You guys.

Yeah.

Shut up.

I can't see you, dude.

I don't have my glasses on.

Here, take mine.

Did I tell you about that?

I was on a fucking...

I didn't tell this story on the show.

I was on a plane like fucking two weeks ago.

I took a nap, right?

And I had my glasses off and I just put them like,

I put them like here on the chair.

Yeah.

And I woke up and my glasses were gone.

And I'm like, the fuck?

You know, I'm like digging through my bag and like five minutes go by.

I'm like, did I lose my?

How the fuck did I lose my glasses?

Yeah.

And then the guy next to me said something, you know, it was about something.

And I'm like, I don't like even know what he said, you know?

I'm like, oh, yeah.

You know, it's like, poof,

it's hot up here, you know, something like that, right?

And I'm like, yeah, and I look over and he's like, he's holding my glasses, and he's like, you know, he's like putting them back on his face.

And he's just wearing my glasses.

On a plane?

Yeah.

And

right next to me.

And I'm like,

I'm like, oh, you're wearing my glasses.

He's like, excuse me?

I'm like, you have my glasses on your face.

And then he looks at his laptop and he goes, oh, no wonder.

What?

It's my glasses.

Oh, you thought they were his.

He thought they were his, but I mean, yeah, he's doing like spreadsheets or something.

And he's like, oh, yeah.

Just picked up my glasses.

Did he ever wear glasses?

I mean, he probably must have, but

yeah, and then it was crazy.

I don't know what he was doing, but it was like the tiniest, it was like a spreadsheet with like 80 million cells on it.

So he's just giving himself a fucking headache with the wrong prescription.

Yeah.

Very funny thing that happened.

That's hilarious, dude.

All right, boys.

All right, boys.

Pleasure.

Okay, all right.

Well, me and Pete are gonna get something to eat.