The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Jamie Wolf - Episode 77

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Dude, they're so losing it over this Trump McDonald's thing.

I think that.

I think he's going to win, dude.

He might see a

reaction over it.

Because

if you're an undecided voter and you're saying, oh, it's a threat to democracy, all these things, which very well may be true, but then it's like he just hands somebody fries at McDonald's and they're like, this is fascism.

You're like, well, I know that isn't.

You know what I mean?

I know working at McDonald's isn't fascism.

Yeah, it can't be everything.

Yeah, right, exactly.

He's just, the stuff when.

And I wanted, I got McDonald's after that.

I was like, that makes me miss McDonald's.

Yeah, I got it.

Remember as a kid, you got McDonald's and Donald Trump would be working there?

Did you get the chicken big Mac?

It looks terrible.

You have to try it.

I tried it.

The mature response is that it is neither as good as the Big Mac nor the McChicken, but it is a noble attempt at a new menu item.

Wait, why is that the mature response?

Because when you've had enough McDonald's.

If we're being honest, the McDonald's menu is not what it used to be.

It had kind of a Renaissance in like 2008 when they introduced the chicken selects.

And then they got to the point.

I have it once a week.

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.

That's our new banter segment before we do our Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.

McDonald's, a fascist institution.

A fascist institution.

And did you see this?

I saw this on MSNBC the other night.

They talked to real fry cooks.

Apparently, Donald Trump made the fries wrong.

Can you believe that?

This man's unfit to be president.

There were people tweeting about that.

He made the fries wrong.

He didn't have a hair net on.

I mean, it's like, who's this guy?

Adolf Hitler?

Yeah.

You know who would do that?

Adolf Hitler Hitler and Stalin.

Both of them.

Yeah.

He's both Hitler and Stalin and Darth Vader.

Yeah.

That's who would

Meryl Streep the Devil Wears Product.

Yeah, he didn't have the headset on, which you need for the drive-thru, so that's how you know it was staged.

Oh, it was completely staged.

That was staged.

It was staged, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Which, you know, I mean, if he's going to lie about working at McDonald's, what else would he lie about?

Everything.

Yeah.

It was directed by Stanley Kubarik, who did the moon landing as well.

I don't know if you knew that.

His McDonald's appearance.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's state media.

You know, this is...

Nothing you see is real.

Nothing you see is real.

What happens to Kamala if she loses?

She gets a promotion somehow.

No, it's not.

It's not like she can be on CNN.

You know what I mean?

She gets some sort of...

Wait, why?

Because she can't really communicate.

Yeah, she's not good off the cuff.

She's not like she's going to be a a talking head yeah on anything she starts a foundation and then somehow makes she should have a youtube channel for like purses or something or candles oh that would be cool like a get ready with me kind of yeah yeah yeah but do you think she even knows that stuff what do you mean i feel like she's just like no there's got to be like she's a human being i'm sure she has interests that they're like you can't tell people whenever she's expressed

Whenever she's expressed what those interests are, it's like, no, like

when she was like, two-pack.

But that's not what I mean.

That's that's fake, right?

So, what that's like focus group tested interests, yeah, right.

She has to actually have some kind of like fixation.

What do you think it is for her?

I would imagine, yeah, candles joking, maybe joking.

What's joking?

I don't even know what that is.

Uh, it's stretching your penis, it's like an Arab word for jacking off, yeah.

They don't have jacking off there, so that it's like a secret thing.

Jail,

our guest said, says Jamie Wolf.

I had a crazy weekend.

I was in Tacoma doing the club there

in my hotel.

I get there, and it looked like they were setting up for like prom.

It was like a dance or something.

I couldn't tell if it was a wedding or a dance, but there was like the people were dressed wrong.

It was mostly women,

mostly heavyset women, and they were like wearing like

the clothes were like too fancy, you know, for it to be like a wedding or something.

And I'm like, what is this?

And I figured out it's a convention, and it's a convention for female, like, self-published fantasy smut.

And so it was like the the dragon queen's like, like, uh, harem.

You know, it's like all these, like, self-published books.

And all the authors are there.

Yeah.

And they're all named like Devon or Dakota.

They all have like obese pen names.

And there's people getting like books signed and stuff.

I don't want to be like too mean about it, but it was bizarre.

And then that had overlap with like the Filipino Seattle communities.

Like they had their like 89th gala at the hotel.

So then it was like

seeing these two groups intersect.

Did they intersect at all?

Was it a melting pot?

In the market, so you'd see everybody having coffee, and

it would be like

a lesbian couple wearing fucking literally Jack Skellington onesies having coffee next to

like a 55-year-old Filipino thing.

But it was very funny because like who they got.

So for the Filipino community, for their evening's entertainment is they had two principal dancers from the Pacific Northwest Ballet doing Swan Lake.

But then the obese writer community, they had like an enchanted forest ball

featuring cosplay.

Imagine walking into the wrong room.

The Filipinos out of all people on earth like to have the most fun.

They are the most

upstaged by the

really, yeah, because

I was like looking into what these books are, you know, and it's, it is a lot of because it's like it's it's I would imagine this is all an outgrowth of the success of 50 Shades of Gray.

Right.

But yeah, all of the books are, you know, yeah, it's like self-published stuff, but then the plot lines are always like, oh,

they have, it's like, it's called the Omega Sphere.

And so women write about it where there's like alphas and betas and then omegas, and omegas are like the sex slaves, basically.

But in their world,

it's like men who are enslaved to fucking.

No, it's the women are enslaved and they have to find a pack of alphas.

But then there's all of these things that are give-ins within the genre, such as like nodding and scent matching.

So like people, like the alphas have like packs.

So then they'll describe it.

It'll be like, oh, it's like, you know, it's like two more years till I get my trust fund.

Luckily, I found a pack of alphas and

they knotted me, which means they have, so in the omega sphere,

the man's penis has a knot like a dog's penis.

So it gets stuck in the woman's vagina or ass.

And

what?

Yeah, and these are things that are just like given.

So you'll be reading a book.

What was the name of this event?

Did it have a name, this convention?

Yes, it was called

Books, Gowns and Crowns.

I don't know if it was.

And this one was chapter three.

I did some light googling.

I guess there was controversy this year because of some transphobia at the last year.

In the omega sphere?

In the omega sphere.

That was transphobia.

It's transphobic if you have like a knot on your pencil.

I don't know.

I have no idea.

Yeah, it's like they're dogs, but it wasn't like a furry thing.

It was just...

I don't want to, in my imagination, this is one of the fattest lady events I can imagine.

Surprisingly, a lot of them were, like, I would say, like, not unattractive, but then they had their husbands there with them.

That was the thing.

Oh, my God.

I did a lot of eavesdropping.

Are there husbands like alphas?

I think their husbands are guys who just kind of nailed it.

I imagine that these women, like, just do everything, and then they're like, yeah, my wife, she, like, self-publishes books, and I kind of really don't do,

I don't really do much anything.

I just come to these conventions and,

you know, just kind of show up.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Give her the books to be signed.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

That's crazy that they're transphobic.

That's what gets me.

Transphobia in that community.

I think

it's a good idea.

I can't imagine one of those things would exist without some kind of controversy.

You know what I mean?

Well, I imagine it's very 65 years old.

At the core of all of it, they're all dramatists, you know?

I mean, so they're addicted to stories and narrative.

Right.

And so

there has to be some kind of conflict.

It's just funny to be like a right-wing political commentator who also makes those books.

Like men, women have vaginas and men have knotted penises that they put I wouldn't say it's radical

it was something it was probably something simple like they didn't have enough bathrooms at the last event and then you know somebody didn't apologize the right way

no I think it's probably like because no you've seen that you've seen that DSA video where that that trans person gets mad because somebody said guys we got a this it's a big year coming up do not use gendered language please stop

guys

and then it's just that that poor woman hosting had to be like, oh, okay.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah, definitely.

No, I imagine it's in that generation of feminists, like that's where you find the TERFs.

Okay.

Because they're like, we're writing these books and it's very liberating for women talking about our sexual proclivities and bondage and stuff.

But yeah, that generation of feminists is typically like the J.K.

Rowlings of the Right.

It's typically where you find the like ones that are like, well, you don't have periods.

You weren't with us

burning our bras

and getting raw dogged at Woodstock.

Where were you?

When when I was when my my vagina was just being penetrated

when my incredibly hairy bush was being penetrated and then I did nothing for the rest of my life.

But I pretended that that makes me a former feminist revolutionary.

Yeah, true.

Yeah.

It's just weird to me to be that, you know, that into like sexual fantasy and that open-minded, except when it comes to one of the things that I'm talking about.

The weirdest part for me is that this would all fall ostensibly under the nerd umbrella.

You know, like, I mean, the male equivalent would be like a, I don't know, like a Star Trek convention or something, you know, or something for like Roblox, perhaps.

But

they're still writing the books, which requires like a certain degree of effort and discipline.

So

they're still very productive, which is like counter to, I guess, what the male version would be, where it's like, these guys aren't even taking a shower.

You know what I mean?

They do nothing.

They just consume.

That's the thing that's annoying about the guy versions of those.

It's like people that show up and they have expertise in consumption.

Like they don't make anything.

They don't fucking do it.

They just have, they don't even make the costumes.

Not the Star Star Trek guys.

They fucking buy those.

If they're at the point where they have to make their own costumes, they should be getting gastric bypass surgery.

Which they can't even do that.

They can't even go on their own diets.

Yeah.

So it's like you see them, and it's like, you know, you want to imagine them as being lazy, but then it's like, well, this woman's written 17 books.

Yeah.

You know?

And that's crazy to me.

Yeah.

There has to be so much caddy in fighting, though.

Like

ladies that have read other ladies' books and then say that they're not

as disgustingly horny.

If your mom is going to that also.

I mean, I feel bad for the kids of those people.

Yeah, my aunt wrote sort of a book like this.

She wrote kind of a sci-fi version of this.

It was sort of smut.

The main character in the book was 14 years old.

This is all true.

It's a 14-year-old main character.

She was married.

She's now divorced.

The main character was 14 years old, and she marries like a 43-year-old guy in the book.

And they're in the middle of the

Quran.

It's sort of

a Muslim.

I'm just kidding.

I don't know if that's even in there.

We don't need the shit on the Quran on the show for no reason.

I'm sure every religious book has the same story.

Why are you backtracking like you're going to get canceled?

Well, no, I just feel bad for the Quran right now.

Right now?

Yeah, for now.

Yeah, no, come on.

You can cut Muslims some slack right now.

At least till this thing wraps up, and then we can go back there.

It's a great book.

Can you imagine how much of an asshole you'd have to be right now to be like, well, I'm drawing Muhammad.

Just

sending cartoons of Muhammad to Palestinians.

They're like, that wasn't even us.

Yeah.

That wasn't us that was mad about that.

It was people in Denmark.

Also, this is a cartoon of Sonic.

Yeah.

This is Sonic with a huge cop

signing that.

You just wrote the word Muhammad over his head.

It has nothing to do with our religion.

Yeah, I never understood that.

That like you can't draw.

You can't

portray the prophet Muhammad.

You can't draw any people.

But then you're allowed to name your shitty fuck-up son after him.

Like, it's the most popular name.

Yeah.

He's Muhammad.

Yeah.

Which is like, that seems like it's, that's more of a...

there were there are probably more guys named Muhammad that didn't do anything with their lives now.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

But you can't draw him.

You can't draw the actual guy, even like being good at stuff.

Like you couldn't draw him.

You couldn't draw him like fucking like acing the SAT.

Scoring a free kick.

Yeah, exactly.

You're not allowed to do that, but like your son with Down syndrome, you're like, oh, yeah,

this is Muhammad, like the prophet.

Muhammad dunking on LeBron.

Yeah, right.

Okay.

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What would I bet on?

That's not sports, just anything.

The election would be fun to bet on.

You could do that.

That's what I bet.

So apparently all the like

Trump's up and all of the

betting stuff, right?

And Caul She's one of them where he's up.

And I don't really know how betting works.

Maybe I can figure it out, but like that's just not

disconnected from the polls, I guess.

So betting on Kamala seems like a good idea right now.

Yeah, when she's down in the betting.

In the betting.

In the betting.

That's a smart money movement.

But I don't know how it works.

So it's like if they have Trump at 60% chance of winning, you bet $100.

And then you win what?

Yeah, right.

How does that work?

Why don't you take a look at your little paper, Adam Delhi?

What does it say?

You can go to the website and find out what the author is going to be.

Well, luckily, Adam has it.

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A hundred years?

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Really?

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It was illegal to trade on the election before this?

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Okay, so they got Trump at 58

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And then right before election night, I'm going to place a bet on Kamala at 0%

and make untold millions.

I'm betting every dollar I have.

You think she's going to win?

No, but I'll bet on it.

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, why not?

Because I mean, the polls say it's a 50-50 chance.

So if that's the actual odds, the polls are

wrong.

Much like when Hillary was up big in the polls right before the election.

Yeah, but Romney was up or close in 2012.

Yeah.

Well, I think that's what they're doing.

They're psyching out like

the

people to drive turnout.

Yeah, and then 2022 is wrong, but that's midterms.

Does that even count?

Does anyone even vote?

In the midterms?

Yeah, I think it's like 50%

of what would vote.

Nobody, yeah, nobody votes in those.

So that one doesn't really count.

Anyways, you guys got to drive up these odds.

So that, yeah.

All right.

Kaul she has markets on who will win the presidential election, who will control the House and Senate, and who will win the swing states and more.

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Not true.

Nick actually checked the live odds.

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So you can write your own Apple Vision Pro app.

So when you walk around, you can bet on it.

You can be like, I think that guy's gay.

Yeah.

And

just looking at him and place a bet with your mind.

Yeah.

I bet this kid isn't

selling candy for his basketball team.

You know?

Racist.

Well, you could.

It's not racist.

It's like, I want to see you.

What's your record this year, sir?

That's racist.

No, it's not.

He says it's for his basketball team.

And so what if it isn't?

If it's not, then I still buy the candy because you know I love candy.

But just say, I'm selling candy.

Candy's delicious.

Do they still do the thing where they're like, look, I don't want to rob you, but I'm selling candy?

No.

People say that.

Yeah, they used to do that.

They'd be like, I'm out here so I don't have to rob people.

Oh, no, but that's a good idea.

Yeah, because it used to be that.

And then it was also the basketball team.

Well, they don't say rob.

They say, I'm doing this.

I want to be out on the streets.

Street hustling.

Hustling and being bad boys.

Stabbing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They said that too.

Yeah, yeah.

Before they would announce it to the train.

Oh, wow.

And they can't anymore because of, I guess, the trial of that,

the guy that killed Michael Jackson is starting this week.

Yeah.

Can you bet on that?

The like Aryan guy, the MMA choke guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was like one year ago.

There's jury selection.

Actually, I got a summons.

What if I just am on that jury?

That'd be pretty funny.

And you're like giggling and no one thinks you're funny.

I wouldn't be gig.

I would be stoic.

Yes.

I would be stoic.

Just do 12 angry men, but one of them's a giggling idiot that didn't pay attention to the trial at all.

They get into

the sex messaging aspect of

like what was that lady?

That lady that killed her kid?

That they were reading all her sexs and stuff.

There's no idea.

This is the kind of stuff he'd be saying in there.

He'd be in the yeah, he'd be in the jury room or whatever.

The sex

putting emphasis on it in a way that he thinks is funny.

And people are like, What are you doing?

This is a murder trial.

I'll be like, oh, I can't wait.

They're going to get to the sex.

Yeah, you should respond to that summons for sure.

Well, you have to, right?

You can write off.

They don't.

Yeah.

I've never responded to one of them.

They're like, oh,

they're going to come get you.

No, they won't.

No, they won't.

The sheriff will.

And then what?

Like, fucking drag you off.

New York has a sheriff?

Like, it's the Ukrainian army.

Yeah.

To go do

a civil trial.

They're going to send me to Israel.

No, it's like, it was great doing it back when I didn't have a job because then you could be like, oh, yeah, I need the money.

I got to take off work for this.

Yeah, true.

And then I didn't even do anything to not get selected.

They just didn't want me for any one of the.

It was like a whole day where they send you in and they're like, well, definitely not that guy.

I think I heard if you just say you're a comedian, they they will not select you.

Oh, really?

Yeah, they go, We definitely don't want a comedian on this jury.

Oh, really?

Like, Adam Friedland, they don't want like Adam Friedland on the jury for

obviously.

I'd be like, This is gonna give me great bits for my podcast.

I was in one of the rooms.

I was in one of the rooms, and they were going through and like asking everybody.

And they got the one older lady, and they asked her what she did, and she said she was a federal judge.

And then the lawyers were like, Oh, they like got all like deferential and respectful to the judge.

Yeah, because I guess in in their world, that's like

that's like their Bill Cosby, basically.

Is that lady?

Can you imagine if you were like just hanging out at the stand and you asked some older white lady your name and you're not thinking twice about it?

And she's like, My name is Bill Cosby.

And you're like, oh my god.

Oh, wow.

This is Bill Cosby.

This is Bill Cosby.

Oh, my God.

You're a legend.

And she's wearing the robe and stuff.

Yeah.

I could tell them, yeah, I could tell them that

I consider myself an attorney.

You could also bet on it at Caulchy.

You could bet on it at Caulchy.

Gosh.

Is there a promo code?

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And tell them about some of the bets you placed and how you did.

I bet big on

the election.

That hasn't happened yet.

So why don't you tell them about one of the bets you placed where.

Well, let's go.

What else is that?

Why don't you look through your account?

Remember how we got the text and they said, Adam, download.

Remember how they said, you know, you got to download the app.

I'm looking.

Call she.com.

Did you bet on Biden dropping out?

No.

I lost big on that one.

I bet on.

Did Jimmy Carter die or do they?

Are they just acting like he's dead?

Did he die?

I think so.

I think he voted for Kamala and then they started talking about him like he did that and then he died.

They're like he lived long enough to do the one thing we needed him for.

I think he's dead.

Yeah, I think he's dead.

Is he dead?

Is that not true?

Let me look it up.

His bitch died.

Oh, his wife died.

Oh, sorry, wife.

Yeah, he's not dead.

It's all politics.

They're acting like he's dead.

He's 100 years old.

He's 100?

He's 100 years old.

There should be a maximum cap on voting.

Yeah, there should be a term limit for life.

I don't think you should live to 100.

Yeah, no.

Oh, so I bet on unemployment in November.

That's disgusting, dude.

Like that French lady that lived to like 120.

Yeah.

That's like what a turtle does.

You know what I mean?

Okay, here's a good one.

The rotten tomatoes score of Wicked.

Will it be above 45 or above 60?

Didn't that come out like 14 years ago?

No, there's a movie.

I thought there was already a movie.

Wait, wait, there's only two options.

It's only above 45 or 60?

Yeah.

Who the fuck means?

How could that be a.

It doesn't make any sense.

What about below that?

You can't bet on it because everyone knows that it's going to be 100%.

There's no way it gets beneath 45% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Does it specify critic or audience reviews?

It just says rotten tomatoes.

Also, what's the cutoff on

that?

What's the cutoff on that?

Because it's always variable.

Okay, will Trump go on Rogan?

It's always changing.

Will Trump go on Rogan?

If you vote yet, it's 92%.

If you vote yes,

that's already scheduled.

It's happening.

Okay, so I'm going to bet no.

Why would you bet no?

Maybe he'll get sick.

If you do $100 on no, you get $1,000 and $38.

$1,038.

Oh, okay.

Hey, you should bet on that.

Okay, here's one.

Nick,

will

okay, here's the Metacritic score of Metacritic?

Yeah, of Call of Duty Black Ops 6.

Okay.

Will it be 75 or greater?

80 or greater.

This is what I mean.

This is like the male.

Gowns, frowns, and fucking rolls event.

It's It's like betting on shit like that.

Metacritic score of Black Ops.

Yeah,

this is what the guy version of that does.

It's like they bet on stuff like this.

Honestly, this is pretty awesome.

I think this website's awesome.

This is a great actually ad for them because

I want to be the right.

I want to be right on everything.

I want to be like, I told you so.

Tesla production this quarter.

Will it be above 469,000 or above 440,000?

But what is it?

What if it's all seems like it's very much

in danger of some sort of insider trading element happening?

You know what I mean?

Like you can't just open these kinds of questions up.

Yeah, Elon just like throws a

especially the review websites where it's like an aggregate of maybe like four or five different outlets.

If you work for one of those places, you can probably control that outcome.

Right?

Yeah.

If If you're a movie reviewer, you just give a worse review to Wicked, and then you make a lot more reviews.

Well, what I would do is I'd tonight apply for a job at San Francisco Chronicle, right?

I'd be like, I'm one of the greatest movie reviewers of all time.

Bam, they hire me out of the gate because I told them I'm trans and Muslim.

So then they have no choice.

And then I look at the reviews, whatever the cutoff is for this, right?

And let's say Wicked's sitting at 67%.

I would see there's 10 reviews so far.

I calculate that I need to give it a 13% review to drop it right below 45.

And I'd say, this movie gets 13 out of 100 stars for me.

And then I forward it to Rotten Tomatoes.

Guess who just made a million dollars every night?

And then they go into the bathroom at the San Francisco Chronicle, the trans bathroom, and they're like, Where's Hassan?

And there's no sight of me.

And then I'm walking away like Kaiser Soze.

Yeah.

And you don't have a limp anymore.

Them going up to you.

Where's Hassan?

That's the plot of my movie, The Gay Suspects.

This is so cool.

Yeah.

Will there be a hurricane that hits New York?

See, all right.

See, that's all it takes.

If you're a sponsor and you sponsor this show,

you probably are looking at the performance.

You remember the reads of your where we would get into it, and then Adam's taking the helm.

And he just, I mean, we've had feedback where they say,

you can't let Adam do the reads.

From the companies that Adams is.

My mind is so weak.

They're like, you can't let him.

My mind is so weak.

We had that as a complaint one time from the sponsor.

They were like, we've seen a tremendous drop-off in this video.

No, that's not true.

They were like,

you had to do like make goods or something.

No, no, no, no, no, that's not the same thing.

They said they were let Adams.

There were some fans.

No, they were bullshit fans trying to suck up to Nick.

No, it wasn't.

It was super.

Yes, it wasn't.

No, it was a bullshit.

No, it was like a bullshit

fake weed company or something.

And they were like, Adam is a book, dude.

Let's have Nick.

What about Nick?

Well, they stopped doing business with us.

Well, because their product should be selling dank ass chronic and not fake.

Back to that point, all you have to do is actually

twist his arm into using any of this stuff, and he loves it.

He thinks he's above everything, but you look.

He's never looked at the website until now, and he does, and he's like, this is cool.

He's going to go home and play some bets

and call somebody.

I'm going to send this to my professional betting friends, guys who have made tens of millions of dollars in this, and then I'll have them run their Russian university algorithms

they have they have rare Russian university mathematic algorithms that they run on sports I love those Russian disinformation campaigns it's not just it's realistic

that one last week with the guy the the the guy black insurrectionist who was saying the Tim Walls uh suck the boy's penis at an Indigo girls concert yeah

that's so funny yeah and it's just like four guys in Russia that are like listen instead of going to the front why don't we do this

and then putin's yeah all right

yeah no that's pretty funny didn't they do that with obama they said obama was gay for a while yeah but i think i don't know if that was russians i think that was just like that was like homegrown good old-fashioned american guy yeah right yeah

right yeah exactly but now now the the the russians are

you know they're saying it's russians now they're saying it's iran too they're saying iran's doing that do you think that's that's real or i think there's definitely obviously like they have people trying to manipulate social media, but every

like they're trying to manipulate the platform that was created to manipulate us.

You know what I mean?

It's like,

I don't understand why, you know.

Just let it do its thing.

You don't need to pilot.

It's also, yeah, it's like, I mean, it's such a trite point, but I mean, we have no respect for democracy internationally.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

But do we do that to Russia?

Because didn't we fund Naval Nations?

Oh, yeah, no, yeah.

yeah, we do the exact same thing since the fall of the Soviet Union.

I mean, we kind of put Putin in place to begin with.

Right, exactly right.

Yeah.

But we also do the opposite, which is we actually, it's always actually successful when we do it.

When we run these campaigns, like

I'm thinking, what, Venezuela,

like the places where we do this.

Who is the guy they just tried to do it with?

What's uh you know in South America

Gay Gato?

What's his name?

Gato?

Gato.

Who's the guy they fucking they had?

They had like some

Beneathuela?

Yeah.

Yeah, that other guy.

Yeah, right.

That didn't work, did it?

They're still trying to get that guy.

Gato?

I don't think we can do it really anymore.

I think our ability to manipulate

diminishing.

Okay, here are all the bets related to Taylor Swift.

Oh, we're still doing that.

Sorry, I just can't stop looking.

Will Taylor Swift die tomorrow from a gunshot wound to the head?

Bet now.

And then what you do is you get a job at the San Francisco Chronicle, right?

And then you buy a gun.

And then they're like, why did you get a job?

I'm like, I had this other thing going with Medicare.

If it was for the cover, for my cover.

Right.

There would never be a guy in the San Francisco Chronicle kill that.

Not real.

We wouldn't act.

okay.

Have you ever been to the Pacific Northwest and it's been nice out?

Like, I know the stereotype is that it's shitty and rainy, and every time I've been there, it's shitty and rainy and depressing.

And then, but then people there are always like, oh, you just missed it.

I'm like, miss what?

That's the reputation of this place, and every time I'm here, it looks like this.

Yeah.

It's it's not a nice place to be homeless, but somehow there's more and more each time.

And apparently, we're gonna have La Niña this year.

What is that?

Remember, El Niño?

This is the girl version.

Oh, my God.

What is that?

That's a different thing.

I think it's the opposite.

It's a less rain.

Less rain, yeah.

Okay.

Oh, nice.

It's dry.

It'll be a dry, mild winter, which I don't know why there's a name for that.

You could just say dry.

Yeah, right, exactly.

Well, it's Latinx style.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I really want to keep looking at these bats.

Okay.

We don't have to.

Why is it called El Niño?

Did like Marquez name those?

It's It's Elias Gonzalez.

It's such a stupid name.

Random Spanish names.

Right.

The weather is so magical at this time.

You know, back on the night.

Well, you could bet on the climate, actually.

The number of tornadoes next month.

Above 10, above 20.

What are we saying?

Above 10?

Actually?

Above 10?

I don't understand the way he's betting.

Why are there two bets that are in the same direction?

It's either above 10 or above 20.

You have to bet above 10.

You're saying, is it above 20?

You say yes.

Because I think all of their bets are like binary.

They're all one or the other.

But if you bet above 10, you're also including

above 20.

Oh, yeah, but the odds.

Well, then I guess it would have to be in that window, right?

It would have to be between 10 and 20.

There's probably never less than 10 tornadoes.

Yeah, I would imagine.

You could bet on the high temperature in NYC today.

Okay.

The high today is 75.

Okay, so we have a little insider info there.

75 to 76.

Okay, so I'm going to say yes.

Wait, am I making

is this website?

Now it's not working.

Honestly,

I've got $10,000 on that it's going to be 75 to 76 degrees, which according to my phone.

Because we already reached the high.

Yeah.

You've gotten so consumed by this in such a short period of time.

I just, it's the potential to start over again.

You know, I just put, I bet the house

that it's going to be 75 degrees today.

Yeah.

I bet all of my money.

I'm walking away with maybe $30,000.

Okay.

Then I can go to Turkey, get the rhinoplasty finally, get the new teeth,

get the facelift.

Big pair of Turkish chompers.

Get the the hair plugs to right above my eyebrows.

Just be the hottest guy ever.

You know, move to Thailand.

What?

Well, it's cheap there.

Okay.

What do you mean what?

Why Thailand?

Because it's affordable.

It's cheap and...

Okay.

No, don't.

No, it's not a sexual thing.

It's just cheap.

Is it a sexual thing?

Ben on call shit.

Yes.

It's not sexual.

Is it for children or for grown women?

Is Adam Friedland moving to Thailand for children or for men that have transitioned?

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

Is it for lady boys or for four-year-olds?

Which one is Adam going to Thailand for better?

No, it's just to be the biggest podcaster in Thailand.

I feel like it's an untapped market there.

Here, it's saturated.

You know what would be a great show?

Like an hour-long comedy is Adam, like his career, it's not really going well, so he moves to Europe thinking that he's going to be like a great comedian comedian over there.

Yeah.

And he just becomes like a total laughing stock.

And he still doesn't work out there.

Yeah, well, it doesn't work over there, but he's such an idiot that they're like, get a load of this fucking moron, dude.

Yeah.

And he becomes like saying in their language, I don't know.

Yeah, right.

He thinks he's like fucking.

He thinks he's like, he thinks he's like this cultural icon.

Right.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

Turns out they're just laughing at him.

They're laughing at him.

In French.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Le clun.

Le clune.

Uh-huh.

I'd watch that.

Le Petit Clune.

Yeah.

The little clown.

It would be as good as the bear, I would imagine.

You don't like the bear?

I haven't seen any of it, but just the way it's packaged, I can't.

Like, I don't care about restaurants, man.

There's no way

I don't care about restaurants.

There's no way.

Is there a single scene in that show where they get to the end, they bring the food out, and some guy takes two bites?

He's like, so anyways, next week we have the meeting with fucking, you know, and then they just throw the food out and then they go to a real job where they do something.

The problem with the bears,

I used to live with like service people.

Yeah.

And

after their shifts, like my three roommates were all in restaurants.

They would just bitch about it.

And then we were pushing, and then we were like in the middle of a push, and they were like, and the fucking manager, you know, they get so intense about it.

And I'm like, I just have no reference point for it.

And I was like, I don't care.

I was at the creek in the Cave tonight.

I did a mic for four people.

So, you know, congrats on your fucking restaurant, whatever.

Yeah.

I'm about to quit.

I got molested.

Come on.

Which is why people probably like the show.

It's like, that's probably indic, like, you know, that's a good representation of what it's like to be in a restaurant.

But I could not care less about being a chef at a restaurant.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I don't care.

And it's presented with this like this gravitas befitting of like an emergency room.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's like, oh, he's got a railroad spike through his brain and we need to do something.

They're like, the carrots are oversteamed.

It's completely inconsequential things.

There's a pube in my food.

Right.

Yeah.

And then they have to find out who in the kitchen has a pube.

And then they're trying to win stars or something.

I don't.

I can't tell you whether I've been to a restaurant that's won awards.

I wouldn't know.

That wouldn't factor into my decision making whether to go to a place or not.

It's like, I just need to go to dinner.

This is the type of food I want.

Let's try this.

Was it good?

Sure.

But for them, it's the main goal of the whole show.

That's the only thing that matters.

That's all it's about.

He's getting a James Beard award.

Which, who the fuck was that?

Was he a good chef?

What did he make?

I think he was a famous chef critic, I believe.

Right, which is an even more bullshit thing.

Yeah.

You know the guy that's from the New York Times.

I'm famous for having dinner.

What the fuck is this whole culture?

I don't get it.

The New York Times.

It's really, it was because Bourdain was a great writer.

Yeah.

Right?

But that's what he was good at.

His writing.

Yeah.

And having a TV show and like a travelogue, right?

And most of the time it wasn't even about the food.

It was about he'd be in a place.

right exactly yeah and then so people are like oh this is what being a chef is and it's like you should see the way this guy eats and writes about it right if he was non-verbal if like anthony bridain like was like i'd like to make the food you know and even if he was the best chef in the world none of this would have happened uh-huh

yeah you know what i mean absolutely yeah the the the new york times critic the main guy just had to quit because he's like i'm getting i'm i'm getting fat as shit he's like i can't i'm gonna kill myself myself is this made up or that's a Pete Wells Pete Wells he just like he got too fat and then had to he was like I well he has to eat at a restaurant like three times a day and he's like I just can't my body can't take

my body can't take it like he's like an NFL running back well I mean kind of sometimes you want a salad yeah he has CTE

from creme brulee yeah brain damage

I'm not saying listen he's not a fucking he's not going to the VA hospital.

He's not a hero.

Yeah.

But it does make sense that this guy, like, he's like, yeah, I'm getting too fat.

I can't,

I can't, I know, I like, I, I like doing this as a job, but I can't, it's not good for, it's killing me.

Does that make sense to you?

Because that does not make any sense to me.

If you have three.

If you just go to a restaurant three times a day, it made sense for that

Adam Richmond guy.

Who's that?

He was on that show, Man vs.

Food.

Oh, yeah.

Right, right.

I wish I could remember who it was.

I feel like it was my roommate in Austin.

Somebody told me a story about, like, they had a friend that met him, and they were like, he's actually, like, way fat in real life.

And it's like, well, he looks fat on the show.

I wasn't thinking it was

a show where he's like, I'm having fucking 15 milkshakes to prove Columbus wrong.

You know,

I mean, that was what the show was, right?

He would go to a place and they're like, you can't eat this cheeseburger.

He's like, watch me.

And then he would do it.

And then they'd put his picture on the wall.

And then he would go to another town and do the same thing.

And we're supposed to be surprised.

Yeah, that guy's fat.

Right, yeah, exactly.

What?

Yeah, that's how it was presented.

When did he gain weight?

Somebody was like pulling the curtain back.

It's actually unhealthy to eat a truckload of food every day.

Well,

no one's crying for him, I guess.

No.

But, yeah, it was very funny that my girlfriend was like, oh, Pete Wells quit.

And I was like, who is that?

She's like, it's the New York Times food critic.

He's the number one guy.

But, like, his body can't take it anymore.

How's there a number one guy for food?

Like, am I wrong, or is like, it's just food?

You like it or you don't?

Why is there a guy telling you that?

That's what I mean.

This is why I can't get on board with the best.

I've never watched more than a trailer for the show.

But because of that culture, I'm like, I just, I can't, man.

I hate that.

The idea that he's like, no, no, no, you like this restaurant.

I remember he wrote a review of Guy Fieri's Times Square restaurant.

that was very mean and it kind of went viral.

That was very you, you said?

Mean.

Oh, mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was so me.

But this, to your point, he wrote a review, and it was so me.

I was like, wow.

No, he was like, I think he had something called, like, donkey sauce or something, and he was, like, shitting on it.

But, like, I don't know.

It seemed pretty mean, you know?

But you're also ruining people's businesses, too.

Yeah, true.

You know, if you're being a bitch about their food.

Yeah, it's one of those jobs you can only really have a negative impact.

I doubt that someone goes because of a good review, but definitely people don't go because of bad reviews.

Well, also, if there's a good place that you know about and then someone blows it up, then like

the line is going to be too long, and I hate lines.

Yeah.

Remember when that happened to the coop in D.C.

because Obama went there?

Yeah.

He ruined the restaurant.

That place used to be great.

He had a show that was like down the street, and you go to this diner.

He used to go there, yeah.

Yeah, it it was like 24 hours.

It was great.

You go there like 2 a.m.

And then Obama went one time.

And they had to change the hours.

I don't think it was like 24 hours after that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then it was always mobbed.

Really?

Because Obama went once?

Because he went one time, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, wherever he eats, I'll go for sure.

Wherever Obama eats?

Oh, yeah.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Why is that?

No, I don't know.

I don't give a fuck.

I got in a fight with my girlfriend recently because I said, I don't care about restaurants and she was really upset

she well yeah because she's like restaurants well she sounds specific because getting upset that Pete Wells quit is like a really niche specific thing

a lot of girls are like that I wouldn't make it that's a real thing to a lot of people like a women versus men thing well yeah I mean I would have chipotle every meal what are you talking about

it's the best bang for your buck and they just got brisket on the menu Trump working at McDonald's is the first time in my life ever that I've been excited about a restaurant.

Straight up.

And that's the only time I've ever come close to...

If that was The Bear, if there was an episode where they're like, Trump's going to come in, he's going to cook, I would watch that episode of The Bear.

100%.

And I'm like, well, he's saving the country

from making fries.

Can we bet on that?

Let's bet on Trump making a cameo in the bear.

Okay, let's try.

No.

They're still not loading.

I want to go to that McDonald's so bad, dude.

I want to be at the drive-thru.

I want to be like, thank you for the hamburger, Mr.

President.

And he hands it to me.

Well, remember when he was when I want that, dude.

I don't know.

I can't explain what it was, but those pictures, I saw them, and I'm like,

this speaks to me.

You want to be there.

Yeah, right.

I want to be there.

I want him handing me the bag.

Yeah, that's it.

And it's fake, but I don't care.

It's your Woodstock.

You saw it.

You're like, I wish I could have been.

Paying $5 for things that were on the dollar menu six years ago.

Tipping.

Tipping.

Yeah, right.

Tipping.

Wait, Cornell West is running for president?

Yeah.

He always runs for president.

Yeah, it's like every time.

All right, I'm going to say he will win.

I'm going to put one.

Who's like voting for him?

Like Wu-Tang fans?

Yeah.

Who the fuck is like...

Oh, yeah, this is.

I'm going to vote.

Cornell West.

If I put $1,000 on Cornell West, I will win

$99,000.

I will win $100,000.

That's not enough.

He's not going to win.

Yeah, right.

I should get a billion dollars

for losing $1,000.

You should get a cabinet position.

If you bet on Cornell West, you should be the Secretary of State.

Yeah, the pay.

Any amount of money.

I should be defense secretary for Cornell West.

Yeah.

Cornell.

Can you bet on you, because Cornell, our relationship with Israel is a strategic advantage in the region.

Did you see now they're fucking like all these people online are like blaming, there's just some woman who's Iranian that works at the Department of State, and they're like, oh, this is who leaked the intelligence report about like Israel's like troop movements or whatever.

And I don't think there's any evidence of that.

They just,

yeah, just because she's from Iran.

You could also do like

contracts, like,

what is it, like short selling or like,

so if I put $100,000 on Cornell West,

I'll get $4.5 million.

That makes sense.

But what does that mean?

If I'm selling, do you understand what that means?

Nick, you're a Wall Street guy.

But I'm not like it.

I've never really understood that.

You lost a lot of money.

I never understood derivatives.

I don't really know how that's trading.

Derivatives trading.

But

let's slap $100K on that.

We get that $4.5 milli.

but then I have to sell the contracts for two cents.

I don't understand this amazing website.

Yeah, get access.

I'm signing up.

Continue.

No, no, no, don't.

Don't.

If they have Apple Pay.

Continue.

No, Nick, don't.

Nick, don't.

Don't.

Don't put my face in.

Nice, it worked.

No, it didn't.

This is crazy.

Oh, and you have Apple Pay also.

Don't Apple Pay it.

No, Nick, stop.

I'm doing it just for the bit.

No, don't.

I don't have that kind of money to throw around.

Okay, you can call your bank and dispute it.

But we are now confirmed $100,000

in coming.

Give me my phone.

Give me my phone.

Nice.

Amazing.

Yeah, that worked.

No, it didn't.

All right, guys,

we got to get out the vote.

Cornelius.

I need Cornell.

I have a 1% chance.

what does it mean huh no stop give me my phone dude you're about to be you're about to have four and a half million dollars my friend really yeah

how could he win what are his positions i have body position positions one side reverse cow

mish

i've never heard of it i don't smell at all over here but over here it's like you're sweating on the bottom no nick you'd actually bet 100k yeah

I'll be in Denver this weekend.

The 25th and 26th.

I owe a lot of money now around town.

No, 100 fine.

Just call your bank and dispute it.

I have to call.

It's on video that I illegally placed a bet with your phone.

That's if you could go to jail.

I wouldn't go to jail unless you pressed charges, which I don't see why you would.

I'm going to press charges.

Considering the dirt I have on this guy, dude.

What dirt do you have on me?

Two tickets to Thailand.

A journal entry that says I can't wait to fuck those children.

No.

In cursive with little hearts over the eyes.

That evidence?

They're like, well, this is definitely his handwriting.

It's in pink jelly pen.

Adam's got his jelly sandals and his jelly pens, and he's ready for Thailand.

All right,

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No, that's really, I don't date those sorts of individuals.

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That's true.

No.

Yeah, he's like a major investor in Mintmobile.

Yeah, I think he.

Ryan Reynolds?

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And what do you think he did, Dad?

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It's pretty sad.

He just has all these cell phones around the house.

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New customers on their first phone.

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I have to read this disclaimer.

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That's nothing.

That's a good thing.

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Thank you, Mint.

The best part about Mint Mobile is you get to bring your own phone.

Yeah.

That's what I hate.

I go to Verizon and they say you only have Ukrainian phones.

Yeah.

Really?

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I have a U phone.

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I got it in Hasidic Williamsburg.

Really?

A place called Phone for You.

Yeah, and so it's not an iPhone, it's a Phone for You.

And every text, the first text is free, but every one after that,

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The first text, you pay nothing for you, though.

After that, it's a lot of money.

Free, unlimited.

Unlimited up to one.

Yeah.

Now how many buttons do you want on the phone?

Start off the number one is free, but two, maybe twenty dollars.

If you want all the way to zero and this the special symbols, I mean, now you're talking

eight million dollars minimum.

No, my friend, let's make a deal, please.

My friend.

Let's make a deal, please.

My friend.

How about this?

Do you have any change?

No, I'm not homeless.

Can I have your car keys, please?

Maybe.

Maybe I can melt down your keys and turn it into jewelry.

Those guys are truly the worst.

I went to synagogue for the first

time in 20 years.

I love that they have them in Israel, and even in Israel,

they're still annoying.

You know what I mean?

No, they live off the government.

They don't work.

even in the Jewish state, they still have Jews.

You know what I mean?

That's true.

They're like, what the fuck is, you know?

They're the Jews of the army.

I know.

Basically, like, they won't go to the army.

They protest, and it's like they're not protesting the war.

They're not like it's immoral.

They're like, we just don't want to do anything.

And so they'll just like sit down in traffic and just

like drag them out of their cars.

They're acting like dead fish.

Yeah.

Those guys that they that they have like as like anti-Israel like Chasids like I don't mean the ones going to protest here.

I mean look into those guys though.

It's like they're mad that like

women can drive in Israel.

They're not like people are like these guys are like

like pro-Palestine and stuff.

They're like no they want like

they think that the Messiah has to come back and they before they can go yeah.

Yeah, and kill all the Palestinians and kill every you know

they're not operating in good faith.

But those guys are.

Well, I'll tell you, I like a lazy guy.

I like somebody that's lazy.

I like a lazy guy.

And especially if they're causing problems.

Yeah.

100%.

But

if they

are

taking up

traffic.

And they win, too.

They just won whatever.

There was that dispute over making them enlist, and then they had to walk that back.

They don't have to enlist.

They don't, no.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think.

Based on what grounds?

because i guess like the way their government works is like netanyahu needs the support of those religious people so he had to the way he's maintained power is by like basically appeasing them because

they all have 12 kids so they're like a massive voting block right that makes sense so that's how i mean whatever they're the only ones that should get to stay i think i think so too yeah anyone last year they're not going yeah right they should all have to leave to get out yeah if you're there to be a dj i don't know if you're doing

burning man yeah you should go yeah if you're like uh if you're like annoying and taking up like you can't drive well yeah and you're like stopping traffic in south williamsburg you should be able to stay absolutely

if you like are just fucking so annoying right and all you do is sell prepaid mobile phones and luggage

there should be a whole country of that

especially there they should give them the nicest beaches and you just can't use the beaches

because Because they're like filled with just shit.

It's like covered in garbage.

That would be hilarious.

Yeah.

But they would corner the real estate market and it would.

And put up the ugliest apartments you ever.

Yeah, just put up the with like gates.

Just way too many sconces and gates.

Kids in them.

What are those kid gates?

I think it's because it's like, isn't during like the holidays you have to sleep outside?

And so it's like put the kids.

Yeah, you can get it.

That's right now, actually.

Yeah.

They're sleeping in like tents outside.

And sometimes they have have like those balconies.

They sleep in the

which is weird, too, because the kids will just be running around at midnight.

It's terrifying.

Like in the middle of the night, you'll just see them running around like Brooklyn, and it's like, shouldn't you have like a at least a like a spy camera attached to you or something?

I used to live in South Williamsburg, and they would have, whenever I would come home from sets, it could be 3-4 a.m.

There would always be children running around

and like a five-year-old pushing a stroller of a baby with no parent around.

Like a kid just doing an errand with a kid

on their way to, I don't know.

I saw some of them in one of the tents the other night and they had like a walkie-talkie and they were like

communicating with each other with walkie-talkies.

Yeah.

And I'm like, you guys are like five years old.

That's awesome, dude.

That's like awesome.

What if we had the matching walkie talkies with walkie talkie?

And then we can instead be if our parents don't let us use the phone, we can talk to each other.

We're outside in the tent.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That that sounds fun, dude.

Yeah, that does sound cool.

That sounds pretty fun, yeah.

Yeah, the funniest thing is when they're kind of winning, honestly.

The New York City marathon happens, and you can tell that they need to like cross the street, and you'll see them like occasionally just go for it in the middle of the marathon.

Wow, there are like videos of it happening, but they're like

it's so funny, and they always have like a black bodega bag.

Yep, yeah, they're like

they're like runners, like just like trying to go for their dreams.

Yeah.

And then just

a guy with an ottoman on top of his head.

A guy with a fucking footstool.

That's what I mean.

They all have interests, but because it's such an insular society, they're not allowed to express them.

It's like Kamala.

How there's things that she likes where they're like, people.

What do you think she likes?

They are like Kamala.

That's true.

The Hasids.

They're probably going to, that's going to be, that's who's voting for.

I don't know.

She's got to like something.

Probably like living rooms with a bunch of mirrors.

A bunch of like biased mirrors.

I think that's good.

Like cat statues.

Like obsidian cat statues.

She likes to collect something.

Yeah.

Funko pops, maybe.

She strikes me as someone she'd like buy like a picture frame and then just leave that picture, whatever picture comes with it, and put a lot of those around her house.

Yeah.

Like the social media.

Stock photo person, yeah.

That's bizarre.

I know.

Is that a type of person?

No, but that's the kind of thing she would do.

Yeah, it's a good thing.

Like a furniture warehouse.

She probably has a cardboard television in her house.

Yeah, she's like in a model home.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Like one of those rooms at IKEA that you go to that they preset up.

That video of that guy fucking blazing.

Yeah, dude, amazing.

That's the best one.

That's so.

Have you ever seen that video?

It's like some 57-year-old man with

like an American chopper goatee, right?

He's like a biker diet.

He's got his sons with him, his like Juggalo sons, and he does like a huge bong rip and then downs like, doesn't he drink like a yard of beer afterwards?

Yeah, he drinks like a pint and then he drinks a pint.

Yeah, well, he does the thing where he takes the bong rip and then drinks, he does like the needle.

What's that?

Strikeout.

Is that what it's called?

Strikeout.

So he smokes a bunch of weed and then drinks an entire pint of beer and then he like lets it out and he's like, all right, let's go.

And they zoom out and they're just in Ikea at the living room.

Yeah, Yeah, he just rips.

That's when the internet was nice.

Before it got scary.

Is it scary now?

I don't even know what.

X is scary.

It's people getting killed.

Yeah.

Who's getting killed on this?

Ever.

You see videos of just like cartel executions.

Yeah, well, that's not coming up in my feed.

It's all Donald Trump and McDonald's.

I get that too.

Yeah.

That's the nice part.

I just don't.

Here's what I do is I don't click on the videos of children dying.

You have the option.

You have the option to just not watch those.

But you stop scrolling.

I mean, that's what I do.

You always stop.

Jesus.

It's always like I'll see a lot of like it's like an 18-wheeler and there's like a guy crossing the street and it looks like he's gonna make it and then it just like straight it just like plows him down

and people like scream.

Elon did free speech, but free speech is scary.

Yeah.

That's what I found out.

It's really scary.

It's hard R

killing and fucking so if Trump wins, they're going to set up

everybody.

Is that what's happening?

What?

If Trump wins and Elon comes into the government and he gets a job firing everybody, I think J.D.

Vance gets to fire everyone.

That's what they say Project 2025 is.

And then they hire, I don't know.

J.D.

Vance is a very funny name.

It's like a middle-aged black guy name, yeah.

Like he owns a furniture store.

Yeah, or he does like the

eight o'clock news

yeah i'm jd ves yeah yeah it's a it's a it's a very like a local omaha like newscast

smooth dude baseball season man yeah what are we doing should we go to the world series

well you don't have any money anymore

can you take me to the world

you just lost all your money betting on cornell west can can you take me to the world series we'll see what happens with cornell dude Throw me.

I'm going to go next year with your millions of dollars.

Here you go.

We got a grounder coming.

Missed it.

It's coming back.

I'm drinking my coffee.

So, Mint Mobile.

Yeah.

It's the only phone you can eat.

Yeah.

It's fresh.

It brushes your teeth while you talk to it.

It's like the new port of cell phones.

I want to go on Shark Tank with a phone that has a toothbrush in it so you can brush your teeth while talking to people on the phone.

Why is that so funny?

I know this may be a dumb idea, but I'm really just just here to fuck Lori.

And then me walking out as the credits go.

I didn't get a deal or what I wanted, but I did my best, and that's all that matters.

Yeah, I'll be at Cobbs in San Francisco

November 14th through probably the 16th, I guess.

Cobbs, that's always fun.

Come to that,

they have an original Xbox in the green room.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Halo?

Yeah, they have like 2K3.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

Wow, that sounds fun.

Guys, this weekend, Denver Comedy Works.

I will be in Atlanta at the improv.

This weekend, Denver Comedy Works.

They gave me 10 days to sell these tickets.

It's going to be an absolute unmitigated disaster.

But please come.

I would love to see you there.

Do you vote?

Are you a voter?

I mean, yes, but only because the polling place is like a block from my apartment.

So if I go to the the train, it's there.

And then, you know, I'm going to go to the train every day.

So it's like, okay, well.

See you vote in New York.

Yeah, right.

But I don't, I mean, I end up, like, with the last presidential elections, I go, and I end up just voting for the Green Party candidate.

Yeah, yeah.

Because it's like, there's no.

I don't understand the point.

It's a very anticlimactic thing to pay attention to all this.

And you don't want to either.

It's just, you have to.

I don't, like, want to pay attention to this.

But you're just inundated with it.

Yeah, right, exactly.

No other option.

Yeah.

And then, and then you go, and I get the, they let you keep the pen, which the pen is just for touching the screen.

So it's not even.

Have you got one of those where they're like, you can keep that?

And it's like, this isn't even a pen.

It's a stylus.

It's a stylus.

I don't need to.

What am I going to fucking do with this thing?

They're like, it says I voted on it.

And so, but I just go up to a woman in a coffee shop, check this out.

You ever see a stylus before?

Yeah, I participated in the democratic process myself.

That smell, it's coming from my left side.

I vote in PA still.

I've lived in New York eight years.

Oh, okay.

So you maintain your power with the rest of us.

Yeah, it's like the only state where it matters, right?

I mean, there's like five states where it affects

presidential.

It's really funny that the election does come down to like just guys in state college playing beer pong at 37 years old.

It's like those guys are are like, Yeah, I guess I'll vote.

Fuck it.

I've never done it before, but I guess I will.

Who's Harris?

That guy sounds cool.

Who's that black bitch?

Yeah, I'll vote for, I'm voting for the fucking black lady, I guess.

And then that's who becomes president.

And then if you live anywhere else in the country, it doesn't matter.

It's a, it's, it's gotten us this far.

Yeah.

What has?

It's this system, our democratic system.

Whoa.

It's gotten us this far, and it doesn't feel like it gets you much farther than this.

What do you mean?

Like, it feels like the end of the road.

You think this is the last election ever?

I think by the time I'm dead, I'd be shocked if it was still 50 states in one country.

Nah.

It would shock me.

No, it'll continue for us.

It'll stay.

Why?

Because the most bullish

thing is that they're going to kill everybody in Iran.

Yeah.

I mean, we're going to

launch a war.

We're just going to kill a bunch of people.

And then we'll all be

back to the water.

Did you see that movie Civil War where it was like California, Texas versus the rest of the world?

I like this.

I like that movie, but it didn't make sense why California and Texas was squad up.

Yeah, I think that was the point: there was like no political agenda in the movie.

It was like, and then they are together, so you have no idea what happened.

I like that it's a little bit more.

It's kind of like one shot in somebody's backyard.

Like the whole thing.

Yeah.

I thought it was cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, no.

I don't think that.

Yeah, it felt a lot like

a John Carr.

It felt like Escape from New York to me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I just don't think that anyone is motivated to do anything about anything.

Really?

Would you say that's projection?

What did you do the day before yesterday?

I was sick.

Right.

What?

That's what I thought.

Monday.

The most productive day of the week.

Nothing.

What did you do Monday?

I lifted weights.

I did math.

What kind of math?

I taught myself fucking calculus.

Really?

Yeah.

Like what parts?

Like limits?

Differential stuff, you know, like delta, yeah.

Why are you learning math right now?

Just in case.

Yeah, that's true.

Just in case?

Like he said, there's not going to be many, you know, yeah, you've got to fit in, dude.

For China.

Right.

Yeah.

Well, I've been learning abacus, actually.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

So you can be the merchant.

You think we're going to keep that around?

We're definitely going to need one of those guys

to the apocalypse.

Doesn't abacus mean grandpa in Hebrew?

No.

That's Saba.

Then what's Abacus?

Abba is father.

What's grandfather?

Saba.

What's great-grandfather?

What's your mom's dad?

Saba.

Okay.

All right.

I think you're wrong.

I think it's Abacus.

Why do you know so much about Jew?

I don't know anything about it.

Same reason I know a lot about fucking calculus now.

Yes.

You got to hedge your bets here.

Unlike you, I don't put everything on Cornell West.

Well, I...

I don't know how this fucking works.

I went to Ireland to try and understand you a little bit better.

No, you got to learn Chinese.

You got to learn calculus.

You got to enjoy the Trump McDonald's.

You got to figure out what Kamala's into and

angle yourself, right?

Because once those bombs start falling, you're going to need to quickly decide who you have allegiance to and prove it.

Well, my allegiance is to you and my friends.

No, I will not be there for you.

Yes, it will, dude.

Do you remember in 2016 when Trump was getting more popular when you earnestly asked me if I would hide you?

He completely made this up.

No, I didn't, dude.

It was one of the funniest.

He completely made this up.

It was, that was, no, he was serious.

He has a joke that he would hide me.

He's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to have to hide you.

No worries.

No, no, no.

He was like, his voice was shaking.

He was like, would you hide me?

It's a funny joke.

And I was like, where?

Where?

You thought that I thought Trump was going to be...

Under the PlayStation controller?

I don't have no place to hide you.

You would hide me, though.

Yeah, but I would make it uncomfortable.

I would build the safe house myself and really just do a bad job.

Like when they rebuild Flanders' house after the hurricane, that's where you would be staying.

When the door opens and it's just Barney's face.

And he goes, come in, it's your master bedroom.

That's where you would be staying.

What kind of food would you give me?

The same thing they give the prisoners.

We discussed that.

Oh, that was before.

Aramark.

Aramark.

Oh, but that's stadiums, isn't it?

It's like it's prisons, too.

Prisons also?

They do prisons and stadiums.

They do colleges.

Really?

Yeah.

That sounds evil.

But yeah, they're very evil,

I'm sure.

Are you you worked for them?

That's a Philly company, right?

It's a Philly company.

I never worked for them.

They catered at my school.

Where'd you go?

See Santa Barbara.

Oh, shit.

So they would.

You're from Cali?

No, I'm from Philly.

I just went there.

Why'd you village?

What do you mean, why?

I went to UC Santa Barbara once.

It's very pretty there.

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

It's fucking awesome.

It's a really beautiful place.

It was like too much, though.

I was like, I don't know if I could deal with this.

I went back recently.

I'm 27.

And I was like, this is fucking crazy.

There's one street.

It's like Bourbon Street for 18-year-olds.

And everyone's hammer drunk.

There's people like passed out.

Everyone's crying.

It's like a post-apocalyptic scene of only children.

Yeah.

And every house is having.

They're puking and stuff.

Puking on the sidewalk.

There's cops arresting people.

Yeah, yeah.

Every night.

This is every night.

What made you want to go there?

It was the only school I got into.

Really?

It's hard to get into a UC from out of state.

Any UC.

I think it's easier.

You got to pay more, right?

No, but the acceptance rates are lower.

I don't know.

I got into that in UVM, University of Vermont.

Yeah.

I remember the dumbest kids I went to school with all went to Boulder.

Yes.

Because they were like, the 420 they have there is the most epic 420.

They like chose their.

What does that mean?

They

smoke the weed even more.

Yeah, it's so stupid.

By the way, when you smoke a lot more weed, it makes it less fun.

It's a worse time to get really high.

I don't really smoke weed, but when we would go to those dispensaries in the Berkshire's, I always felt left out.

I was like, man, I wish I enjoyed smoking weed.

It's such a fun experience to go to the dispensary.

Yeah.

Because it's like a future type of business.

It's something that's not, it feels like thoroughly disconnected from any experience I had prior.

But they're all just making stuff up, too.

It's like, is this a sativa?

And they're like, that's a blend.

That's always, that's the funniest to me when I tell people, like, I, like, yeah, weed I don't really like.

It doesn't really work for me.

And they're like, oh, well, why?

Yeah, exactly.

And they want to educate me on, like, yeah, well, you need a different blend or something.

I'm like, did you know?

That's all bullshit.

Yeah, I would imagine.

100% bullshit.

Yeah.

Right.

Well, it's the same, at the end of the day, it's the same chemical compound that your brain's reacting to.

It's weed.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

I think

I've enjoyed weed.

I smoked it maybe

a thousand times in my life, and I've enjoyed it like five times.

I remember seeing there will be blood in college.

Oh, geez.

You remember when you were selling when I was in?

Yeah, and

that guy gave you that stupid weed, and you were like, Was this called Death Star?

And he's like, Yeah.

I guessed it.

Yeah, it was like something like there was like a fake name for the like.

Maybe I said it, or you said it?

I can't remember.

I said, I'm going to tell people it's called Death Star.

And then I text the guy, and he's like, Yeah, it's called Death Star.

Yeah, right, that's what it was.

We guessed it.

Yeah.

Yeah, because it was like tight and like circular,

dark.

Yeah.

It was amazing.

But that's when I stopped smoking weed was when I started selling it, actually.

Really?

Yeah, because I saw what it did to people's lives.

I went into the crack homes of the weed.

Yeah, it was pretty crazy.

People don't realize before the podcast, Adam would just sort of drive around the city in the back of like a Wrangler with no top, and he had a bunch of gold chains.

Yeah.

He'd wear parachute pants.

I tried out

running prostitutes, too.

I couldn't find any women.

Running.

I was putting women on the blade for a while.

I tried pimping for a bit, but I couldn't find any women.

I was laying down hose on the blade for a while.

The love between a pimp and his bottom bitch,

I can't describe to you how deep the love is.

Really, what it is, is you have to break them and then make them dependent on you.

Oh.

Yeah, and you have to dress like a dandy.

You have to dress kind of like a foppish dandy.

And then if they disrespect you, you have to get a damn thing.

It was like one of the first internet fight videos I remember was like a guy that knows karate versus pimp.

And it was like a pimp conversation.

Who won the karate?

Yeah, the karate guy just like spin kicks him and then gets into like

kicks his head off and he's fucking, you know, it's very funny.

Oh, man.

He was probably smaller than the pimp.

Yeah.

He's like the other one.

It's like shot from like a like a someone's like apartment.

They were

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, way up Kimbo Slice was the first I say I don't I don't see I did see a gory internet video the other day.

It was like fucking in Poland.

This like guy shoots his ex-girlfriend's fiancé in the head and then shoots himself.

And it's also somebody just from their like apartment complex just recording it on their phone.

And it's like, why aren't these the like shot on the iPhone 15?

Why isn't that the billboard?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's always like, oh, it's like a SF, like it's a Filipino baby.

Yeah.

A glistening baby from the Philippines.

It's like a beautiful, like...

And nobody's taking pictures like that on the iPhone.

No.

It's a Polish guy murdering himself.

Is that an ISIS hostage video shot on iPhone?

If you go through my camera roll, 90% of it is screenshots with customer service departments.

You know what I mean?

It's like shot on the iPhone 15.

It's like, no, I talked to Barbara on September 15th and they said they were processing.

She fucking lied.

Yeah.

I bet you that's not her real name.

Yeah.

And I've said numerous times, please do not use USPS to ship.

I will send you a link to the local post office with a one-star review so you know I'm not lying about the packages being stolen.

And what do they do?

They are inept.

They refuse to do their jobs.

It's not my problem.

Blame the federal government.

But I'm not paying for this.

I would like you to resend the Funko Pops.

And if you don't have Han Solo in stock anymore,

it's more than a refund I'm entitled to because this is a limited item.

Yeah.

I want the amount of money I would have to spend to go on eBay and find this now, which is $8,000.

That's why I have them all screenshotted.

I got into it with American Airlines.

I'm done with them.

What happened?

American Airlines has the most comfortable seats.

I'd say that, right?

But they have no other amenities.

Yeah.

So I would fly American Airlines, but they have the worst customer service.

I was in first class, flagship first, because I had to fly across country.

Whatever.

I don't care.

I can't ride fucking economy across country anymore.

I can't do it.

And it was one of those fucking lay flat seats.

And on the way back from Irvine, it broke and got stuck down.

Down?

Yeah, and it was broken when I got on the the fucking plane.

And I wasn't like a dick about it.

I told them, I'm like, hey, can you, like, this is broken.

They were like, oh, we can try resetting.

The answer is always, let me try resetting it.

Yeah.

Which means I'm going to go.

Yeah, right.

I'm going to go like around the corner and just like, you know, stand there for a second, come back.

Like, did that fix it?

They did that with everything.

The Wi-Fi.

They didn't do anything because it was like physically broken.

I sat down in the chair, like, conk, like, it was, like, fucking, it was already broken.

I'm like, well, yeah, I just guess make a note of it.

And then I let them know, because because it's illegal, right?

Like, you can't fucking take off with, like, they should have just bumped me or something on a different flight.

And then,

yeah, they were like, oh, yeah, that sucks.

That was a response.

He took off flat and landed.

It was completely flat.

It was like cocked back, and then it went down all the way.

And then I had to, like, physically, I could get it maybe halfway back up, but then it landed fucked up.

Did you get your money back?

No.

No, I got literally nothing.

I'm so sick if they strapped you to the thing like

like Hannibal Lecter.

They gave you like a, yeah, if you had to go mummy stuff.

I followed Delta this weekend.

And Delta is now attempting to serve Indian food on the plane, which that seems like more of a risk than whatever the hell Boeing's doing with the doors.

I mean, like, Delta Airlines presents chicken tika masawa.

I don't think that's like

cheese first.

You know what I mean?

Did you get the card?

What's that?

Did you get the card?

No, I'll never get an airline card.

I bank with Chase.

Nick, you got

when you go to the lounge and you're around fellow businesses, you know, you're in the travel lounge because I know how to get to the airport on time.

I get to the gate every time, like two minutes before they start boarding.

Every airport.

I got them all timed out.

You don't understand what it's like to be around fellow captains of industry, thought leaders.

No, I'm staying at my hotel, right?

I'm enjoying

the fucking commissary.

I'm having a Reese's peanut butter cup and a couple of Advils, you know, my free toothpaste.

The commissary.

Yeah, at the Rikers?

No, at the fucking hotel.

They have this stuff.

I don't think it's called the Commissary.

I think that's what it's called.

The Commissary.

The Hotel Commissary.

Yeah, you know, when you're in the middle of the holiday in the middle.

When your selly's making wine in the toilet, I'm at the holiday

turning the cereal cereal knob.

It gives you exactly, which I want for my house, by the way.

A knob that I turn, and it dispenses exactly like a styrobe.

That is nice.

Or the waffle machine

where you have to get the plate and unwrap it and put it right in it, and then you boop, boop, boop, boop.

One waffle, please.

Yeah.

And then it makes it.

I got orange juice that I bought on Fulton Avenue from a vending machine.

last night and I was like this might be the most dangerous this is like base jumping for me they have a machine filled with oranges, and you put your card in, and it'll make you fresh, squeezed orange.

Oh, I've seen those things.

Yeah, is it good?

We'll find out.

I mean, I got another, if I have diarrhea in the next three days, and you can say no, that was probably a bad choice.

No, that's a fool-me-want situation.

I poop my pants because of

your house.

No, because of the bodega by your house.

Because of.

Yes.

Because of the bodega by your house.

Yeah, right.

Yep.

Yeah, no, that's what it was.

It was someone who was.

What was it?

What would you say it was?

What would you say it was?

I pooped my pants, but there's a reason.

Of course, there was a reason.

Because of this.

What do you mean?

Did I say that?

What did you have at the corner store?

I had.

Okay, I had.

I had a breakfast sandwich, then I had one of those Starbucks

double shot espresso d drinks that was dusty AF.

I don't know why I said AF just now.

Pete, can you cut that?

Okay, I had a cigarette, one of those uh double-shot Starbucks espresso things,

and uh and then a s a deli sandwich, and then I felt something wrong, and then I pooped my pants at your house.

But it was from the deli.

Did you feel a rumbling before the shit came out?

Stav was in the bathroom, and I said, S it's Stav, it's an an emergency.

And

you know, he fucking that shit up.

You know, Nick.

And so it's Stav's fault.

It's the bodega's fault.

It's Stav's fault.

It's Starbucks' fault.

It's my fault.

Okay.

It's something that will follow me for the rest of my life.

I would also watch a show where he's just, he's being cross-examined constantly.

Every day of his life.

Every day of his life, he's called to the stand.

And

that's the type of government bloat I would support.

Yeah.

If the Justice Department was like, if you had to testify in front of the Senate, the Senate Adam Committee, the Adams Lies Committee,

every day it was on C-SPAN, you get to tune in.

They're like, just a reminder, you're under oath right now.

And it's not related to politics.

It's about

shitting his pen.

Yeah, exactly.

What's your favorite episode of Cheers?

Because you said you're a big fan of the show.

You can't name one episode?

Yeah, let's go ahead and look at this.

Oh, the one with norm.

That's your answer.

Do you want to elaborate on that?

Because here we have this.

Can we get this right?

And there's like an A-frame set up with a blown-up tweet of Adams that says from five years ago, I've never seen cheers.

What's this?

He's like, that's a joke.

It was a joke.

It was a joke.

It was satire.

It was my job satirizer.

I was comedianized to see it.

Really?

Because this is, and then

it drops down.

There's like a little, like a curtain on it.

It drops down.

And he replies to himself, this isn't a joke, by the way.

It's not.

Come on.

I didn't say, will you hide me, by the way?

I never said that, by the way.

For the record.

I never said that.

But that has nothing to do with what we're talking about right now.

Well, you said you made it appear as if there was a lot of people.

Just Matt Gates' face getting tinier and tinier, just shrinking into his skull as he questions Adam.

These seem like lies to me, Mr.

Friedland.

You're lying to the American people.

I just want to make them them laugh, okay?

I just want to make people have a nice time.

Yeah, well, you're not doing a very good job of that.

Where'd you get that?

I yield my time.

Are your socks, did you wash those with another color?

Because it's a nice yellow.

I know.

That's where I got them.

You got them that color?

Yes, Dick Sporting Goods.

Big sale going on right now.

30% off.

Wow.

I like sporting goods.

I like those socks.

They're really nice.

That's what I call deflection, actually.

What happened to that guy, Trey Gowdy?

He's on like Fox or something.

He's not in the government anymore?

No, no, no.

That guy was awesome.

Who's that?

What did he do?

Trey Gowdy, he was like the senator from Georgia?

Something like that, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

He was like the.

Yeah, and then he.

He had the most fucked-up haircut of all time.

Yeah, he has a weird.

He looks like Earthworm Jim, and he's got fucking he's he, he was like big during the

Benghazi investigation.

Oh, okay.

Republican.

Yeah, he was like,

I forget which committee he was on.

He looked kind kind of like a lesbian of a certain, like a 63-year-old lesbian.

Yeah, he made his name with Benghazi, and then he had like four years of just hauling people in and being like, this is a picture of a woman's vagina who was raped by illegal immigrants.

What do you have to say for yourself?

Yeah.

This is your fault.

And I'd be like,

what do you have to say to the American people who are looking at a baby that was fucked to death by an immigrant?

In fact, don't even answer that.

Here's another picture.

It's like, yeah.

During the Adam hearings?

Yeah.

But then I think he was like, he's not a Trump guy.

He got mad about Trump.

Really?

Yeah.

He cucked on Trump.

I would imagine he'd be number one Trump.

No, he was really mad about the Stormy Daniels thing.

He's like, this is disgusting that a president would have sex.

Oh.

He's a player hater?

Yeah, he's a player hater.

Fuck Trey Gowdy, dude.

Yeah.

Fuck that guy.

I'm glad he's gone.

That is the lamest reason to hate Trump

for fucking a porn sword.

Well, the lamest one now is that he worked at McDonald's for a day.

Yeah.

I mean, it's wild that they're even attending.

Are they mad about it?

They're mad about it.

What are they they're saying?

I don't know.

You see people on, yeah, social media being like, well, yeah, they're saying that he he cooked the fries wrong and this was staged.

They got nothing on our boy.

Of course it is.

They got nothing on our boy.

They have nothing on our boy.

Was anyone under the impression that he was actually working at McDonald's?

My dad is.

My dad called me the other day and he was like, so get this.

Trump was at a rally and instead of giving his speech, because he's bored of his stump speech, he just DJed and played music for 30 minutes, and he played Andrea Bucelli and stuff.

And I was like, cool.

I was like, all right.

And then I watched it because I was like, let's see.

Let's see.

Yeah, it's like someone had a stroke and they had to call the paramedics or something.

No, it's like a vibe.

But that's what it was.

He was talking, and then like some guy had a fucking heart attack.

And he kept the vibe.

He asked them, he was like, do you guys want me to keep talking or should we just listen to music?

And they were like, let's listen to music.

He's awesome.

And he's like, all right.

But honestly, it looked so fun.

It's better than listening to a fucking stump speech.

It's just vibing with him.

Yeah, he's playing like,

yeah, the Carmella song that she like taps her.

I think people are mad about the McDonald's thing because it's so simple.

And it's like, I mean, it works.

Well, Kamala said she worked at McDonald's.

I know.

So they're like mocking her.

He's like, well, well, I always, he said, Trump goes, you know, I never worked at McDonald's, but I always wanted to.

That's

the same.

Which it's like, it's bullshit.

Like, you can't call him out for being a liar because he knows we all know he's lying.

Yeah.

We all know it's bullshit, but it's like, it's funny.

Damn, that's too funny.

You can't come back at him for some time.

I know, right?

And then meanwhile, you have like Obama rapping with Eminem the next day, and it's like, this stinks.

Well, that's the annoying thing about the, it's like the sincerity is really off-putting.

Well, none of them are sincere.

No, but the attempt at it.

Oh, yeah.

That, that, because I don't feel that Trump really tries that hard to be sincere.

But I do feel that, like, Eminem, did you see that speech that went viral with him?

Being like, yo, Detroit, real talk?

You got to vote for Kamala.

But he was like,

and the Michigan Clown Posse.

Didn't the Insane Clown posse endorse Kamala also?

Really?

But Kid Rock is Trump.

And then there's people on Twitter being like, this signals big trouble for Donald Trump.

And it's like, does it, though?

Doesn't that seem like that's more of

like you really need to be in a rough spot to be like, we need the insane clown posse

to endorse our candidate for Michigan in a $2 billion campaign.

We need the insane clown posse.

Yeah, when my dad called me and he was like, Dick Cheney just endorsed Kamala, I was like,

how far right-wing is this country?

Here's my question, too, because this is developing.

There's this guy who's now just declared himself the rightful president of Iran, right?

Oh, yeah.

Iran?

Pahlavi, yeah.

Okay.

He was like the son of the former show.

Of the show.

Can I be president of Iran?

Because we're not holding those elections there.

We're deciding it here.

And I think I...

Did anyone else get a chance to put their name in?

No.

So me.

Why not?

Right.

Fuck him.

I'm the president of Iran.

Let's get that on, what do you call it, on that website.

Yeah.

I'm going to try to win my money on the street.

We should have some kind of formal election, and I will run against him as the rightful president of Iran.

And if there is, if they do somehow do a coup and there's regime change, I will go over there and govern.

And you'll do your Marisham voice?

I think I would have to draw.

I think everything I've ever said is probably illegal there.

So I would need to work out some kind of clean slate thing, and then we'll have to do like a a Hannibal Lecter setup for the first year until I know what you're allowed to say and not allowed to say.

You could run in like a...

It would probably take me two years to figure out how to tie the turbine.

Do they have turbines around?

Yeah, they have like the Moolahs have like a special...

It's like fucking like a 10-foot long scarf, and you have to wrap it on your knee, and then you put it on your head.

That's so sad.

Wow.

Yeah, theirs is very involved.

But Ahmedinejad,

he looked like he was just going to work.

Well, he just looked like he worked at like Springfield at the nuclear plant with Homer.

Dude, let's go to the World Series.

You don't have any money.

I don't need it.

I just vaped.

I just want to play catch.

That catch felt so clean.

Gloves.

We can go to the park right after this.

Do you have the gloves right now?

Yeah, they're in the bag of sports equipment that's in here for some reason.

Let's go.

We have two gloves?

We have two gloves.

We have a bat.

We've got about 20 balls.

Let's go.

Maximum Square Park.

Yeah.

There's no room.

We're just doing home run derby now.

Into like girls with sweet green.

Like just girls like marketing girls getting sweet green, just hitting liners into their faces.

Not playing on it.

It's a Lego store.

It's a park.

Yeah.

Just go in the Lego store and smash everything.

And they're like, what are you doing?

You're like, fucking rebuild it, dude.

It's Legos.

What's the problem?

I thought that was the whole point of of this shit.

I like to free build, dude.

I don't like the sets.

Do you do that?

You do free building Legos at home?

I did as a kid.

It was a real.

What a brag, dude.

What a brag.

I didn't say it as a

kid, dude.

I would play with Legos.

That wasn't a brag.

I'd come up with my own stuff.

No, my parents just never got me the fucking Death Star or anything.

Where would you go?

What's your number one Lego build?

Like

pyramids at Giza.

Okay.

Free build.

All right.

Did you do the insides too?

So you can open it up and it's like a diorama.

I would never go in those pyramids, by the way.

I don't know if I've ever said that before.

I see the videos of people doing that.

I'm like, this seems like...

They go in them?

Yeah, they go in the pyramid, and it's like, that seems like a really bad idea.

I didn't even know that.

I don't think my building is safe and it's 100 years old.

I would not go in a stone from 10 million years ago.

You know what I mean?

Especially one that was designed to hold dead bodies.

It just seems haunted.

Yeah.

Yeah, it seems bad.

But I would get...

What?

What's the vape thing?

What's the toss in the vape?

You do that every time.

No, no, no.

The toss aspect and the catch aspect is really just.

It's not.

And the World Series, it's really just getting my juices flowing on this catch situation.

After this, we're going to show you.

You should bet on the World Series to offset your Cornell West loss.

Okay.

Well, who would you bet on, though?

Well, you have to bet on Dodgers.

Yeah, I'm going to bet on the Dodgers.

But they're not going to do it.

Dave Roberts fucks it up every year.

That's not the gambling spirit.

Yeah.

Matt Stairs into the night.

Yep.

That was a big moment.

So you're a big baseball fan.

No, not anymore.

Not anymore, yeah.

Yeah, that was a huge moment, Grim.

But my dad really needs this right now.

He needs the Dodgers and Kamala.

Oh, he's a Kamala guy?

Oh, he needs Kamala to win.

Oh, okay.

So

if you guys like my dad, please vote for Kamala Harris.

But

don't you need Cornell West to win?

Why are you hawking for Kamala now?

It's more important that the old man is happy.

Yeah, that's true.

His dad's had a rough one.

You know, I'll vote for Kamala just for...

I kind of will for him.

Yeah, just for Adam's dad.

She

No, yeah.

I mean, maybe for my dad.

It'll really make him happy.

He thinks that Vladimir Putin is trying to kill him.

Him personally?

Yeah, yeah.

He's watched enough Maddow to think that, yeah, if Trump wins, he will be sent to Guantanamo Bay.

The way that old people are acting right now, as if it has any impact on their lives.

Yeah.

Like, literally, it doesn't matter at all to them.

Yeah.

They're going to make the New York Times crossword illegal.

Yeah.

You can't play COVID anymore.

Yeah, right.

No more crossword puzzles.

Yeah.

No,

I hope that those two things happen more so for him than

anything else.

Yeah.

The Dodgers are...

I've watched a little bit of the postseason, and the Mets honestly were kind of more fun.

But

I don't really like baseball anymore.

I wish this election was over already.

It's given me a lot of anxiety.

And I don't have, it's like, I'm not.

It shouldn't.

What are you anxious about?

I just want it to be done.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And move on, talk about something else, like Gladiator 2.

That's the next thing on it.

It doesn't come out until after the election.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

But I'm ready to be excited about that.

It's like the politics have just not stopped for a decade now.

And I need it to, me personally, I need to stop.

We need to get back to

Gladiator 2, fucking up the Lego store, having fun.

Let's just have fun right now.

Let's play Cash in the Park.

Okay.

You want to come?

Yeah, I mean, I threaten.

Yeah.

Okay, we only have two gloves, though.

Well, then, that's going to make it tough.

Okay.

It's like I'm inviting you over to my house to play video games, but it's a one-player game.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I'm watching him play Skyrim.

No, let me die one more time.

One more two-player time, but he's using both controllers.

Do you remember that rich kid who had all the consoles?

Yeah.

And you had to be nice to him?

Yeah.

Even though he sucked?

Yeah, yeah.

I had to eat every console.

I had a friend, Adam, also South African Jewish, when I was a kid.

And I would go over to his house, and his mom would scream downstairs and be like, Are you letting Nick play?

And then he'd go, yes.

And he'd go, don't tell her.

Don't tell her that he wasn't.

But I had fun.

I liked watching.

And then he would piss in his basement.

It was a finished basement, but still had one of those utility sinks.

And he would take a break to piss in the sink.

Wow, I see.

Instead of going upstairs, he used to ask me.

I used to do that too when I played video games.

There's something about being a kid, you don't want to see your parents when you've been playing video games for four hours.

And then the real treat, they had ice cream sandwiches.

Oh, that's

down in the basement?

No, I don't recall those being in the basement.

They could have been, but I don't remember that.

But I just remember, boy, when those ice cream sandwiches came out, now we're talking.

We were a healthy food household, so I'd have to go to my friend's house for junk food.

It sucked.

Yeah.

My mom used to let me put Adams just ate like crickets and

whatever they could catch in the web, I guess, for the most part.

So caterpillars and butterflies, dirt, mostly.

Come on, man.

Come on.

There was a hole filled with ants, and he was just a little bit more.

He was just flying on my ass, constantly.

This weekend, Denver, Colorado, the 25th and 26th.

They've given me 10 days to sell 1,200 tickets, probably.

I think I've sold about 11 tickets.

So if you want to come,

I don't know.

There's a lot of walk-ups, so you got nothing to worry about.

That's

a good thing.

That's a good club.

That's one of the best clubs in the country.

Great club.

That's where Nick did a special.

I really enjoyed being there.

Denver is a great place.

I'm flying my cousin out.

If you want to meet my cousin, Jared,

he's got some sets.

He's a comedian?

No, just to spend time together.

Oh, cool.

Hang out in the green room.

Well, I don't know if I can say that.

Collect stories.

I don't know if I can say this.

He'll fly him out there, and then he'll come on the show the week after and be like,

here's how annoying he was.

And then put him on blast.

No, no.

You know, family stuff.

I'll tell you after.

I'll tell you after.

All right, guys.

Thanks for watching.

Thanks for listening.

Bye.

He wants to visit.

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