The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Drew Dunn - Episode 73

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Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.

Special guest Drew Dunn.

Hey, what's up, man?

Thanks for coming, brother.

Of course.

Thanks for having me.

Boston, Drew.

Oh, yeah.

Boston, Drew.

Dude, I was just in Ireland, the Boston of Europe.

Yes, yeah, where my people came from.

Yeah.

You know, I'm fucking pissed at England now.

Yeah.

They told me about the there was no famine.

There was no potato famine?

It was a genocide.

Oh, they just said it was potatoes?

No,

all the other food that was grown in Ireland, they just took and sent to England.

And they were like, and then the potatoes went bad, and so then they were like, you can't have any of the other food that you make.

Wow.

I fucking hate England now.

Yeah, I mean, that's kind of what their business model was across the world:

get in there, manipulate, try and take over, and then eventually fail.

Yes.

Go back to

the bottom.

All the Irish curry and spices.

Write a poem about your fucking beautiful Ottoman boy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, he's so lovely, isn't it?

No, but those guys weren't writing poems.

It was like the posh.

Raw.

Yeah, yeah.

It's classy to fuck a boy there.

Yeah,

the bottom teeth are protruding further than the top teeth.

Oh, yeah.

So let's have sex with a boy tonight, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

Like,

lower a flag and then kiss your booty.

That's like a Google boy lover goodbye.

Well, the British accent and the Boston accent are basically the same.

Yeah, yeah, bro.

It is true.

To my ear.

Yeah, it's Pakyaka, or it's Ponkyakon.

Yeah, yeah.

Phonetically the exact same.

When I saw Boondock Saints, I was like, what is this, London?

Yeah, everyone thinks that.

Yeah, everyone thinks that.

Everyone's always thinking, yeah, Boondock Saints is a bunch of British guys.

There's also that old New York accent, the one that FDR had.

Oh, yeah.

Similar.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It's all just getting lazy at the end of the word, really.

Just letting it fly.

Well, he had polio.

Yeah, well, you know, lazy polio.

What's the difference?

Yeah, mouth polio.

The French don't even say the end of the word.

Oh, yes, they are.

They're so lazy.

Yeah, well, and they think they're better than you, too.

And they're like, you do not deserve to hear how we say it.

Yeah, there's a T at the end of the word, and we don't say it.

Yeah.

Because we're so gay.

You don't get it?

Please try to order at my restaurant.

And you know they all speak English.

Yeah, and they just want to be pieces of shit.

I'm mad at England right now for what they did to our people, the Irish.

Yeah, it's tough.

It's tough to wake up to.

I've decided I'm going to be Dole is all Irish now.

Okay, welcome.

It's a really sad place.

All the young people have left.

In England.

In Ireland.

Oh, in Ireland.

Yeah, yeah.

Where are they going?

Like, to the UK.

Yeah, they're going.

They all want to leave.

And did you know this?

It's the the second richest country in the world by GDP per capita.

Ireland?

Ireland is.

Because

it's a tax haven, basically.

Okay.

So all of

Microsoft and Apple and everything have their European headquarters in Ireland.

Oh, interesting.

So they get, like, because they have

stupid low taxes.

Right.

So on paper, they're like richer than Sweden, but

it doesn't, it doesn't,

the people's lives still, they still want to leave.

Yeah, it doesn't equate to people feeling good every day.

Yeah, I loved it there.

They're like, you, oh, you've, uh, they're like, you've gotten great weather here.

They're like, it just, it's been raining for a year.

They're like, this is the first sunshine we've had in a year.

You wonder why the young people are leaving.

Yeah.

Well, there's just no jobs and no housing, they say.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah, that seems to be a problem across the board in a lot of places, though, with the housing.

It seems like nobody's able to just buy land.

Have you seen that Instagram thing where there's like Asian women in the jungle that'll build a house out of like clay.

Yeah.

It's like water powered.

Yeah.

I watch all of them.

Well, it's like a like it's this fantasy world people like live in now where they're like, we could have this.

And it's like, first of all, that's probably fake.

They're highly produced by the CCP.

Yeah.

No, no, they found out that the government makes those.

Oh, they just go in and do a construction and then to make it look like

a crash on your life food.

Yeah, and they have like, yeah, make it made out of, and then everything's water-powered.

There's like a stream that goes through, and it's like turns into lights.

And it's always kind of a hot girl, too, doing it.

Yeah, because that's the image you want to paint yourself in.

Because you're not out there by yourself.

There was one named Lee Z Key that I kind of had a crush on a little bit.

She was a DJ in the city, and then she went back to her village to take care of her grandma.

Wow.

Yeah.

And could you live like that?

Could you live in like a water-powered house in the forest for a while?

Or do you feel like you'd lose your fucking

China or anywhere?

I mean, could you do it out in upstate New York?

Yeah, in Prospect Park.

There's probably bugs and stuff.

I don't like that.

There's definitely bugs.

Mosquitoes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That would be the biggest problem.

Yeah.

Other than having a place to shit and piss and drink and friends.

They don't have any place to shit.

That is true.

That's tough.

Yeah, you've got to shit on the right side of your house so you don't fuck up the powering of your lights.

Did Steven ever tell you that story about Sean in the airport in China?

Their toilets are like hole.

They have the hole on the ground toilet where you squat, which is apparently better for shitting.

But he didn't know how to use it, so he did it standing up.

Apparently, he got poo on his legs, and then and then the flight was boarding.

Apparently,

shout out to our friend who I just shamed in public.

How's Irvine, Nick?

I heard it was a smash hit.

Who's fun?

Yeah, the Spectrum Center.

Mm-hmm.

The Spectrum Center.

They have like a it's it's a

clap like a perfect

example of a mid-tier mall.

So it's not like the

like luxury brand.

It's not like Gucci and stuff.

They have like Zoomies, Pac Sun, HMs in there.

HM.

Yeah, yeah.

All the best stores.

Yeah, the good stuff.

I went to Lids in that mall and

bought a fitted and then lost it on the plane.

I was very upset.

But I got Tafts embroidered on

a Yankee fitted.

That's really interesting.

Yeah.

I didn't know about that.

You're lucky you lost that hat.

I wanted to get the word out about the show.

I was really excited.

Can you, because you know, people would have seen that and not said anything to you, just taking pictures and be like, you got to be fucking kidding me.

I think people would have been like, where can I get one?

Yeah.

And then we could have done a deal with new era.

You can get them at Lids.

Yeah.

Go to Lids and just get a new one.

The same way that you read the name of your Mexican baby that died.

You can get the name of a TV show

and pretend like there's any kind of relationship between the New York Yankees and the Adam Preeti show.

You can get a name of a talk show that's done five brilliant episodes on youtube.com.

Right.

Who wouldn't want that?

Yeah.

Well, how do you feel right now with me wearing this?

I don't feel bad about it.

If it was like probably 2004, we'd have a conversation about it.

I'm sure you'd hate me just as much for wearing this.

I'm not a Yankee fan at all.

I don't care for style.

Yeah, I feel like the.

It's more of a Spike Lee thing.

Yeah, more of a like.

Yeah, honoring.

It's a Hove.

It's Jay-Z.

Am I imagining, did it happen for real that he got like territorial about the red Yankees hat?

With Fred Durst?

Yeah.

Because he's like, I invented that or like to lose this.

Like, you can't take that.

That's my look.

Yeah.

You stole it from.

Yeah.

He lives in Fort Green.

I see him walking around.

Yeah, well, that's like his neighborhood.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like 5-1.

Who also lives in Fort Greene is

the only...

Well, I saw Wyatt Senek there, but I guess.

I see him walking around.

He's not really a celebrity, but

Fisher Stevens,

who

is on that show Succession.

He's the guy with the tiny neck.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah.

I saw him there.

Oh, he's like the PR guy.

He's the lawyer, or one of them.

Yeah, he has like a...

He has like a...

Strange neck.

It's bizarre.

Bizarre neck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's weird to get an acting role when you're like, it's so jarring.

It's jarring to look at that guy.

Well, it didn't use it.

Pretty much everyone on succession is ridiculous.

Is pretty much to look at them is, I can't look at anyone.

Yeah, there's something.

He's had a long career.

That guy's been in a bunch of shit.

Really?

Yeah, he was in hackers.

Oh, okay.

Here's the credits of his, I know.

He was in hackers, and I think he directed John Legozamo's documentary.

The John Legozamo's, like

the Latino Clown documentary.

Yeah, yeah.

Which is gross.

Smash it.

John Legozamo is great.

John Legozamo did like an hour at like the Orpheum or something.

Oh, really?

As a clown?

He's like, yeah, I'm get back in the stand-up.

I want to do stand-up again.

And it's great.

Yeah.

So it's like a comedy special.

Sort of, but it's a documentary about him doing it.

He's the man.

Yeah.

The pest was one of my favorite movies as a kid.

I don't think I ever saw The Pest.

No, you're not a film head.

No, I'm not a film head.

Pretty cool movie if you're the most annoying 10-year-old in the world,

which I was.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a scene where he's in the shower and farting.

It's stuff.

Classic cinema stuff, yeah.

Criterion collection.

Right, right.

John Wick.

He's in John Wick.

He's in John Wick?

Fisher.

No, John Leguizamo.

Oh.

Who is Ian Wick?

He plays the guy that owns the chop shop.

In the very beginning, where he's like,

he's like, do you know whose fucking car this is?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You bunch my son.

Listen, I work with your father, alright?

That guy.

Okay.

So it's you.

I work with your father, all right?

Have you ever, did you ever go to the late Court Street Cinema in Brooklyn?

No.

It's closed now?

It's closed now, unfortunately.

But it was like always chaos at that theater.

No, it's not true.

It was very quiet.

It was nice.

I saw Top Gun Maverick there.

I saw John Wick III there, and there was a lady in front of me with like eight Tupperwares, and he kills Bobon from the NBA.

That's the first kill.

And

she goes, okay, Neo.

And then Lawrence Fishburne shows up and she goes, ooh, and they got Murphy's.

Just with a full Thanksgiving dinner in front of me?

Yeah, she had like 12 Tupperware.

That lady was awesome.

That's hilarious.

And they got Murphy.

Yeah.

Oh, that's great.

No, I never went up there.

I only moved to New York in 2021, so I kind of missed a lot of that post-COVID.

Well, you're in Queens.

There'd be no reason to go to Brooklyn to go to Court Street.

Exactly, right.

2021.

I know.

Moving into Australia.

There was a fun, shitty theater over by there.

They had like that United Artists

in Astoria.

No, by Court Street, by that neighborhood.

On the other side of Atlantic.

Where was that?

In Cobble Hill?

In Cobble Hill, yeah.

I don't know.

I'm not Barnes ⁇ Noble.

No, that was Court Street.

No, Court Street is on Court Street, and it's like

south of Atlantic.

But wasn't it across from Barnes and Noble's?

This is good podcast.

This is great stuff.

It was further down.

It was further down Court Street.

It was a small theater.

Oh, I don't remember that one at all.

Court Street was a little bit of a cleaning.

You know what?

I'm thinking of Cobble Hill Cinemas.

That one I've been to.

Yeah, that's the small one.

The small one.

Okay, so it's a Court Street UA.

That was the UA.

Oh, okay, yeah.

But they closed it because of.

That theater sucked.

It was a disaster.

Yeah, the theater.

Yeah.

People got bed bugs.

Well, you got bed bugs at the Union Square Re-Regal.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

After theater,

you went home with bed bugs.

That's insane.

That's insane.

I was listening.

And that one's still open?

Is the Regal still in my head?

I get it.

They would think bed bugs would be open.

When you get bed bugs, you probably, and this is like New York 10 years ago.

You've had them 15 fucking times.

They've destroyed your life and all your relationships.

You're like, fuck it, I'm going going to go see the Mr.

Rogers documentary

I got nothing else yeah go see Tom Hanks put on a show no that's the movie I didn't see that one there was a Mr.

Rogers documentary that came out like oh really yeah yeah it made me cry oh wow I saw it on a plane I cry every movie on a plane yeah it is weird when you're on a plane you can really let yourself get into it they say it's something about the cabin pressure

and your tear ducts and that you're not gay if you do it.

Yeah, and it makes you say it's not gay.

I've never had

to watch a movie on an airplane, I don't think.

I thought that's the only time I watch a plane.

I watch a movie is when I'm on an airplane.

I watch all the Marvels.

I bring the Kindle, and then half the time I forget to download something new.

And then I end up rereading some PDF that I've had on the

cookbook.

It's going through your phone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I forgot to get a new book before I get on the plane.

I was listening to local New New York sports radio a couple months ago, and people were talking about Yankee hats and Boston hats.

Yeah.

And the guy,

I forgot who it was.

Maybe Mad Dog or one of them.

The Mad Dog's not at WFAN anymore.

Whoever it was, he was like, you would have to be fucking crazy to wear a Yankee hat at Fenway Park.

He's like, you're not coming out alive.

Yeah, there was a period of time when I was

turban.

There was a period of time where I was growing up where it felt like every week there was something on the news or something

yeah

that would definitely not fly in boston

and then and then you go what what

they really have missed the the job market these the you know the new era and the the fanatics that's a whole new world now i mean this is they really could the new america everyone's watching get a patch from the uh the world series yeah just yeah there's so much more real estate there was a period in time time where you'd get killed at Fenway Park.

Yeah, there was a lot of sucker punches.

There was a lot of sucker punches.

I remember growing up where people would be like, yeah, a guy in a Yankees hat got punched in the face today out of nowhere.

And everyone was like, yeah, that's what you fucking get.

That's what you do.

That's why we see a guy we don't like wearing a different color, we punch him in the fucking face.

What's the problem?

Dude, that's pimp, dude.

That's badass.

I'm doing it for fucking Ben Affleck.

This one's for Ted Williams.

This one's for Matt Damon.

This one's for Yestremski.

Yeah.

This one's for Kevin Kevin Ukel.

This one's for the yuke.

Greatest hitter of all time.

Were you disappointed when you found out he was Jewish?

No, I didn't have a lot of people.

I heard it was a tragedy in Boston.

I heard people didn't leave their bedrooms for weeks.

It was tough, but he was always a utility player, so it made sense.

Oh, yeah.

Now you're downgrading one of the best Red Sox ever.

Well, he started off as a guy who played like six different positions, and then finally found his spot where he was at.

And then, yeah, then he became the guy everyone knew.

But for a while, he was Jewish.

I don't even think he's Jewish, is he?

He's Jewish enough.

No, he's Greek.

Is he Greek?

Yeah, a yuke.

Yeah, it's a yuke.

Halcius.

Kevin Halkius.

Kevin Halkius.

He was a third baseman.

I like that guy.

Yeah, he played outfield for a little bit, too, and then he was a DH for a couple years.

I love remembering guys.

Yeah,

I'm a big fan of that.

When I was in the UK, my dad called me angry at me that I didn't call him to congratulate him on Shohei's 50-50 season.

Congratulate him.

Yeah,

an international phone call.

Yeah.

My dad was like, why didn't you call me about it?

And I was like, I haven't watched baseball in six years, dad.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, this is.

Apparently, it is the best baseball player of all time.

Yeah,

he's doing something special.

I mean, he's one of the first guys to be able to pitch and hit, like, play both sides of the ball in a long time.

Yeah, because I think a lot of that was, there's probably a lot of guys that could, but a lot of teams just invest so much money in their pitchers now that they don't want to have a chance of anybody getting hurt that they're like, this is a $10 million arm.

Why would we go, you know, having better jobs?

If you're Japanese, you're built to die.

It's true.

Yeah, all in.

I'm a cause of your career.

Get a 50-50 season.

Well, I mean,

that's what they're good at: dying.

Yeah.

They were one of the best, especially for a period of time.

They really leaned on.

They're still doing it.

I mean, they kill themselves like nobody's business over there.

They love killing themselves.

They just, like, it's like, never fuck.

Like, they're committed.

Yeah.

There's something like 30, 40% of Japanese men have never had sex.

Wow.

Yeah.

Is that partly just because of the pornography?

It's because they jack off the drawings.

I mean, it's like the Occam's razor.

Drawings of child porn.

All of their pornography is, all the regular pornography, they censor the pussy so they don't even know what's happening.

Yeah.

It's like two cartoon characters getting into a fight.

Yeah.

You know,

just a cloud of smoke arms and

sign

question mark.

Meanwhile,

the animated pornography, you see everything.

You know, it's a fifth grader getting raped by an octopus.

Yeah, and that's a robot by the way.

It's an imagination.

Yeah, you can really get into the details.

And if you're jacking off to that all day, and then some Japanese lady is like, oh, maybe I clean your apartment, you're like, you know, I think I'm just going to jack off.

Yeah, yeah.

I have these drawings.

Yeah.

You're one of those weird ones with the teeth and the freckles.

Yeah, if you've seen only a drawn pussy your whole life, to see a real one would be pretty jarring.

Yeah, right.

Huge.

You're like, this is more disgusting than the octopus.

It smells like shit.

I thought the gross part would be the tentacles,

not your weird meat flap.

Oh, man.

Yeah, it's funny when people try and say it's like, oh, it's because of the war and their culture getting fucked up during the occupation and stuff.

Did they say that's why anime came along?

No, it's just that's why their culture is sort of population.

No, I feel like that's

shame and honor off the cartoons.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it's weird because it is such an honor-driven society.

Still, that's why I feel like a lot of people work so hard, and when they don't reach reach that peak, that's why the suicide thing is.

The honor thing is nuts.

If your neighbor kills somebody, if you have a neighbor that's a murderer, you have to kill yourself, I think.

No, it's like deeply disrespectful if

some guy who picks up his mail next to you killed somebody.

It brings shame to your neighborhood and all that stuff.

Yeah, off yourself, off him.

There was like a serial killer, I think, in the 80s in Tokyo, and they didn't know how to investigate murder murder just because it wasn't a thing.

He was a Korean guy that was like living there.

Oh, wow.

And they were like, we have no idea how to even look into this.

Yeah, right.

Well, and to just try and find somebody on the street out there is going to be a right, exactly.

Imagine that police lineup.

You're like, it's either five or all of them.

Yeah, it could be the usual suspects.

They're like, that's a picture of you.

Yeah.

You're looking at a picture of yourself.

And you are.

That's the guy that did it.

Are you an NFL fan?

Yeah.

You guys got Brady.

You got

Moroney, Lawrence,

Ben Jarvis, Greenellis.

How are you feeling about this squad this year?

I think that we have a chance to maybe get to 500.

And yeah, that's about it.

I don't see us winning.

Patriots got it?

Yeah, I thought the Patriots were like the best.

No, Brady's out.

Brady's not there.

Brady's gone.

Brady went to the Bucs a couple years ago.

Now he's retired.

Now he's doing commentary.

Yeah.

He's making movies about old women that want to fuck him.

What?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, 80 for Brady?

80 for Brady.

Did you actually see that movie?

It's hilarious.

No, you watched that?

Yeah.

That'd be a perfect plan movie.

That is a plane movie.

Wait, so they, what do the old ladies do?

They go to, like, they're like, one of us is going to.

It's like American Pies.

Like, by the end of this year, one of us fucks Tom Brady.

It's one of them has cancer.

It's like Jane Fonda has cancer.

And she gets into watching, the TV gets stuck.

Like the TV won't change channels and they end up watching a football game and they get horny for the players.

And then one of them gets cancer.

No, it's not Jane Fonda.

It's Lily Tomlin.

Tomlin.

She gets cancer.

And then she's like, I just want to see, I just want to see the Super Bowl before I die.

And then she pretends like she won tickets, but she never won them.

She just bought them.

She sold her car, and then they

go.

And then, you know, I mean, then the whole thing is they're there, and one of them ends up in a poker game by accident, and it's strip poker.

Sounds funny.

One of them wins a chicken wing-eating contest.

It's like, you know.

It's like girls' trip, but for old bitches trying to fuck Tom Brady.

Yeah, for old women.

But then he produced it, I think.

That's weird.

You know, he was like, how about a movie where old women want to fuck me?

And he sexed them.

He was like a Weinstein during the casting.

That makes sense.

It would have been a lot.

The original script, it was Japanese men.

It was four Japanese men who want to fuck Tom Brady.

Ties around their head, partying after the big night out.

It was four Japanese businessmen.

And if you're into that, you'll love my bookie.

It sort of got retooled a bit.

Yeah, right.

Notes and rewrites.

Guys, NFL football 2024-2025 season.

It's huge this year.

Oh, yeah.

How's the league been this year?

I mean, it's exciting.

A lot of exciting, a lot of fun stuff.

A lot of new players.

A lot of new teams winning that normally don't.

It's fun.

You said that about that would be a perfect play movie.

And now I'm thinking, it's like, did I watch that on a plane?

You had to have.

That's the only time I've seen that movie is when I'm swiping through.

Yeah, yeah.

It's interesting because, yeah, in my head, I can't remember a time.

The only thing I ever remember watching on a plane is like two episodes of Mad Men.

And now I'm thinking maybe I did watch 80 for Brady.

I got sick of reading the cookbook and had to get into the AD for the

I fly American, so there's never a screen.

Right, right.

It's for readers.

It's a reader's original.

It's an intellect.

It's America's original book.

They're like, Would you like another Diet Coke?

I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm reading my recipe book.

Instead of headphones, I give you night lights.

I'm looking at receipts that I compiled into a PDF.

At mybookie.com, we want you to deposit and bet on this season of the NFL with my bookie and do it with us because Nick and I have been throwing heavy money.

We've been hammering bets.

And a big problem, I think, is we had the same promo code for years.

They changed it on us.

It's now Atom 100.

Which is the most awesome one I can imagine.

Yeah.

Speaking of which, I got a free No Jumper merch this weekend.

No, you didn't.

Somebody brought it to me.

That's fine.

Yeah.

Some guy who works at No Jumper brought me a shirt, a No Jumper shirt.

Oh, I've emailed with that guy.

I asked him, I said, is there anybody that works there that has a name?

That has a real name

or is it all you know like bobo and yeah

pubs and yeah no it's like none of them are there's not a single guy that's named like

john yeah you know what i mean you know i was talking to john from no jumper the other day wow yeah yeah that doesn't exist yeah they all have like halloween names

you know the thing about betting right is it amplifies your nfl watching experience yeah right if i'm watching two teams i don't care about you put five bucks on it, couple bucks on it, all of a sudden you're invested.

You're excited.

It's Jacksonville versus Cleveland, but you got a little action on it.

Right.

I'm watching that fourth quarter.

Totally.

I'm shouting at the TV.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm saying this is how I win.

Right.

I'm turning to my girlfriend and being like, you know where that's from?

Yeah.

And she's concerned, but I'm like, tell me the fucking movie that,

you know,

and she's like, shut up, Adam.

Yeah.

My parents are here right now.

Right.

You're drunk.

You're watching red.

This season they did, what, 10 games at once?

Something like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Red Zone.

Red Zone.

Have you ever watched Red Zone?

Did they schedule it that way to try and drive sales for Red Zone or something?

I think so.

I think they want you to feel like if you're a person who's doing fantasy or you're betting a lot, you have to watch this to get all the action.

Do you have a fantasy team?

No, I didn't do fantasy this year.

I've done it for years.

I had to quit.

I had a problem.

Yeah.

I got too into it.

Were you winning or losing?

I was so good.

Yeah.

I was amazing.

I should be a GM.

I literally should.

I should be the commissioner of the National Football League.

With that good, you should be able to play some winning bets then, yeah?

Absolutely.

That's a great idea.

Yeah.

And you could do it at mybookie.com.

We'll put the link in the description.

We will put the link in the description.

Like join with Adam or something.

It's different than the promo code.

I don't understand why.

Somehow that's our fault, but join with Adam.

Yeah.

The promo code itself is Adam 100.

Join with Adam.

Like they're holding my hand.

Come on.

Yes.

Okay, guys.

You can use the platform.

Yeah, it is a very Christian link.

What's that?

It is a very Christian link.

Join with Adam.

Yeah, right.

Comes to the brochure, more information.

Yeah.

The ladies that you can fuck, but you can't.

I had a

I had a group of friends that all got finance jobs out of college.

And so they were making like $200,000 at $23.

They had this huge apartment in the West Village.

Only one thing on the wall.

It was a pulp fiction

framed movie poster.

Adam's making fun of them.

At the same age, Adam, the only thing he owned was a half-baked movie poster.

I didn't own it.

I stole it, actually.

Yeah.

I stole it from John F.

O'Donnell.

You can get it back anytime you want, John.

All of your art was given to you by either Max or me.

Remember that piece of garbage I brought to your apartment with the helicopter and the Lamborghini on it?

Yeah, it was really nice.

Yeah.

All my art.

No, that's not true.

Here we go.

That's not true.

Got them.

No, I buy paintings now.

No, what happens is you move in with your girlfriend.

You're like, I have art.

And then it's all framed movie posters from like Japan.

Right.

You're like, this is cool.

And she's like, it's not.

I have like two paintings I bought from some mentally ill woman on instagram that draws like sonic fucking oh someone gave me a painting of you in london i have to give it to you that's what i mean people bring me stuff like that she's right

it's sitting in like an art bag in my apartment because i'm not gonna like put up a drawing of me

yeah that'd be weird if i walked in your living room and it was eight different pieces of your face

i'd be like this man is large and in charge um it's also too it's like people will draw people bring me art that they've done and they've drawn a picture of me but it's a picture that's like a public picture.

Right.

That's like one of the 10 photos that gets put on the internet.

Yeah, yeah.

And so it's like lacking any intimacy of portraiture.

Right.

You know what I mean?

So it's, it's like sort of this.

Do you tell them though?

Certainly, no, I don't.

I go, thank you so much.

Tell these psychos that.

I think this is lacking the intimacy of portrait.

Anyway, yeah, those finance guys I knew.

I'm just saying, it would be very bizarre for me to put up a painting of one of my Instagram posts.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Right.

That would be.

That's a thing you like buy.

That's a thing your aunt gets tricked into buying.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's like a wish.

Yeah.

And she's like, and it's also a clock.

You know?

Yeah, so they used to watch Red Zone 1 p.m.

games and just start doing blow.

And I went to their house one day, and it was the most psychotic experience of my entire life.

It's like they're still on the trading floor.

Right.

But there are 10 games.

You can't pay attention to a single game.

No, it's insane.

It's so it's it is the most disorienting thing in the world is watching NFL red zone.

Yeah, it's ADHD times

it drives you insane.

Yeah, and these guys used to blow rails, hammer beds.

Coolest guys I know.

They're good guys.

Shout out to them.

Anyway, guys,

my bookie encourages you to do cocaine and watch NFL Red Zone for the 1 p.m.

or 10 a.m.

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No, that is not in the copy.

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Great company, and

the new rep seems seems like a nice lady.

The old one I worked with for years.

A Canadian guy named Joey.

Okay.

That I would only talk to him on the phone, and he just had a very thick Canadian accent.

Which is like, it's not even like they say words different.

It's like that you can't parse their emotions.

Yeah, it's a rhythmic.

They're like, hey, how are you doing?

My mom's dad.

Yeah.

If you leave your moms in the hood,

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No, but they were very nice, and I do feel bad that we haven't done a good job.

It's my fault.

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No, it means that's like a yeast infection term.

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And we're back.

Great.

Good to be here.

So you got anything cool?

How do you feel about the weather today?

Kind of of shitty, huh?

I like that it's getting colder.

I like that it's getting colder, but I wish it wasn't so gray.

Yeah, the gray's tough.

I like a little sunshine, but I don't want to be sweaty.

The leaves aren't there yet, you know?

Right, right.

The foliage.

Yeah.

It seems like I brought London back with me.

Yeah, that's right.

Brought a little London.

Yeah,

the shows were really good, guys.

I want to thank everyone that came out to the London shows.

It seems like people like me the best in a place where the stand-up is the worst.

That's great.

Yeah, I really appreciate everyone for coming.

Yeah, managing expectations.

I did my one-man fringe set.

Are you doing that with me?

About realizing I have micro-penis.

Right.

I went to Edinburgh, five stars in the Guardian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Micro-penis and me.

Micro-penis and I.

Oh, and I.

Sorry.

Come on, dude.

Sorry.

I know.

It's proper English.

British, British stuff.

Micro with an OU.

No, but it was nice.

I saw Sam Campbell.

It was good to see him.

Micro.

Micro penis.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I saw Sam Campbell.

It was really nice.

Shout out to Sam.

Great guy.

Very good set.

Everyone in the open was fantastic.

And thank you to everyone who came to the show, especially the lady that gave me a portrait of Nick

and then walked away and said also that she's right wing.

So that was cool.

Which right wing and British?

I don't.

It might be left-wing here.

Oh, it goes the other way.

I'm not sure.

That's Australia.

Oh, right.

Yeah, it's the hemispheres.

What does that mean, though?

You like hate Pakistani people?

They had a race war recently.

Sort of.

Oh, I watched that.

They just tried to start a Fox News

GB TV.

I saw the

show.

They had these race riots, but the race riots are like somebody fucking kicking a soccer ball at a fucking store.

Well, they actually did did say to me they were like...

It's like they will never, like, Kyle Rittenhouse just like crushes all of Europe.

Yeah, they don't have the real rage in the street.

They don't have, yeah, it's nothing.

It's nowhere near close.

Yeah.

Like there's a picture of like one storefront that's like smashed up or there's some paint on it.

Yeah, and then it's like people repairing it the next day.

Yeah, they raise our taxes.

Yeah, fucking everything's getting looted.

Right.

You know what I mean?

It's like they don't, that's nothing compared to the United States.

I don't think we don't loot at all, though.

They like going to the street like it's les Miserat.

Actually, France does that.

France is really big on their protests.

Us,

I feel.

Oh, I guess Gaza, they were like, for the first time, big.

I'm going to start looting for Gaza.

I like that.

That's a good move.

Just go to Foot Locker and say this.

Yeah, right.

Fuck Israel.

Where are the Jordans?

I'm at the Apple store.

I got iPhone 15.

Yeah.

Yeah, anything to help.

Anything to help the situation over there.

Yeah, I feel like I missed a lot.

The Pager thing happened while I was gone.

That sent me into a whole

about lithium-ion battery.

The Pager thing explosion.

Yeah, it's nuts.

I almost went back to Z on this.

But let's hold on.

I need to stress this now.

Your house is filled.

You got all these fucking devices that have lithium-ion batteries that can just explode whenever.

Just at any point.

Whenever they want.

I had an old MacBook like 10 years ago, and the battery

blew up inside the laptop.

Yeah, I've had that happen.

I would just keep using it.

Hot laptop.

Yeah, and I never thought that that was a bomb, but apparently it is.

Not to say that that's what happened to the pagers.

How did they do it?

Was it like a remote detonator?

I think they just uh they like

somewhere intercepted a shipment and added explosives to the to the pagers.

Yeah, then they just sold them to everybody at like some discounted rate with a closed.

Great deal for you.

No problem.

No explode.

No explode for you.

Great.

That's more Russian, dude.

Yeah.

It's really offensive, actually.

I'll go a little more.

Yeah, sorry.

It's so funny for the Israelis

to sell shitty appliances.

It's so them.

It's so like mall kiosk of them.

Yeah, it's very much like bark them in, get it on their hip, and then, yeah.

They love selling the cosmetics at malls.

Like in the kiosk.

Have you ever been to the Dead Sea?

Come here, come here.

Come here, come here.

Come here.

Here's a pager.

Very soft for his skin.

Very soft.

It's also cool that Hezbollah was using pagers, too.

It's a very throwback.

It's very trickle-down economics working globally.

Like, whatever tech we had 20 years ago ends up in some country somewhere at some time.

Wait, so you're afraid of batteries though?

Yeah, they can just blow the fuck up.

Well, that was an issue

when

this new thing of smartphones came out.

It was happening on planes.

We have one here in the office for the screw gun.

And I think about that.

I'm like, what the fuck?

What if that just blew up, dude?

Well, there was a point where this, whenever news.

Israel?

Samsar DeWalt is going to

get a hold of them.

They're like bombs.

And it's random.

Occasionally, they'll just fail and they short circuit internally, and then it's like a thermite bomb.

They just start cooking off at like 3,000 degrees.

Yeah, that was happening on planes.

Whenever some first Samsung phone came out, they were using that new type of battery, and it wasn't ready for the pressure.

There's a comedian who had a great joke about that.

Yeah, Ninan's classic.

You're kind of wading into his.

Sorry, I didn't want to step on his toes.

Yeah, come on.

You're stealing Ninan's.

Yeah, I just watched it on the way in.

I heard the Hezbollah's pagers exploded.

Good thing they weren't using the new Samsung Galaxy Note S3.

Yeah, like he would do this bit, and then he would have a Canadian accent whenever he said.

Samsung Galaxy.

I've been off his radar for like a decade now.

That's probably going to get me back on.

Is he cooking still?

Probably.

And he's got to be like 42 years old now at this point.

He's the best.

Ten years ago,

he was

yeah wow fascinating he would like he would do this thing where he would um there's like websites like maybe is in muckrack is one of them there's a place for like people that are freelance you know they have like freelancing contracts with i don't know if ap does freelancing but if you want to write for like business insider or something okay um you can just submit you know they'll pay you 200 bucks and you just write an article about something business related if they can get eyes on it right and if you're that kind of freelance journalist and you don't have any insight into anything, you can go to these websites and people will be like, you can interview me.

I own a lemonade stand in Illinois.

And he would go on there and he would, you know, like fucking like get journalists to write about him.

And then he would tell them he's a millennial comedian.

You know, 10 years ago, this was a thing.

Right.

I mean, he was like 57 years old.

And then he would get them to publish that he was like 27.

And then he would manage his own.

But it's also like, it doesn't matter.

You're an Indian man who does comedy.

It's not like.

Well, he's half Indian, half Japanese.

People aren't going to be like, sorry, touch, you're too old.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, it's like, there's no, your age isn't hurting you in any way.

No, exactly.

They just want your perspective.

In fact, to be like in good shape and active and athletic at 57, that's like more.

It's more endearing.

Yeah, it's more.

Yeah, it's like if people were like, oh, this guy's like, he looks pretty good for 77.

He does look good.

He did.

Yeah, he was an active guy.

I remember one time we got into it and he sent me a video of him rollerblading downstairs backwards.

It's hard.

To like

prove prove how cool he is.

Central Parker is on the right.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah,

that's not easy.

I know.

It's not easy, but to spend the time.

It's the gayest flex of all time.

Totally.

It's the gayest brag of all time.

Check this out, dude.

To think you're going to be cool as you're strapping on rollerblades to impress your bra.

That's a tough look.

That's a tough look.

Blading.

Yeah, but it was so funny because he would just like, he would, he would do, he had an enemies list and you'd be put on his like enemies newsletter basically.

Oh wow.

If you even just like said the things that he did and laughed about it.

So we're getting on the list right now.

I don't know if they still addicted.

Yeah, I think he might be like done with all that.

Yeah.

You know, because I think maybe it blew up at one point.

I think he's done very well, probably.

I think he was already doing well prior to that.

I think he had like a corporate job and made a bunch of money and then understood how like corporate event booking works or something.

But Joe Robinson told me, because Joe Robinson was like the first guy that was on his enemies list, I think.

And Joe Robinson met him.

He was like hosting a Kurt Shackelford show.

Shout out.

And he told Joe, he's like, I make $300,000 a year doing stand-up.

He's like, well, then why are you making $5

tonight?

At Rerock.

Yeah, why are you doing a bar in Clarendon?

Yeah.

And so

I guess Joe blogged about him or something, but then, yeah, he would, like, go after Joe and, you know, criticize Joe all the time and stuff.

And then JL Covin, that was the other guy that was big on it.

Yeah, yeah.

It was J.L.

Covin, Joe Robinson, and Josh Homer were like Dan's

the Axis of Evil.

Yeah, Dan's top three.

Yeah, yeah.

The shit list.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Yeah.

Once you start writing lists, you're rarely in the right.

There's this guy, the guy Nick just mentioned, Kurt Shackelford, was a booker booker in D.C.

Okay.

Who had like a 25-page list of rules.

And they were like, no do-rags, no sagging pants, no basketball or athletic jerseys.

It was basically just like all things.

It was all the rules that came up with after segregation.

And it was all in Comic Sans, too.

The funny font.

Yeah.

And then he had a stoplight.

No chain.

Instead of a regular light.

He had this giant stoplight that he would set up.

And he always had an assistant that would work the stoplight.

He's also a very nice guy.

Kurt?

Yeah, Kurt.

And his shows were good.

His shows were good.

His shows were good and he put on a good show and he also didn't actually enforce those rules.

It was like...

Yeah, I came dressed in it.

I was foo-boo, everything.

I'm a Kurt Shackleford.

I did it for civil rights.

I'm a Kurt Shackleford apologist.

I can't believe you liked it.

I feel

he only made those rules because he thought, well, you're supposed to have rules.

He was just trying to create an air of legitimacy rather than be any kind of authoritarian in that situation.

Because I never saw him enforce them.

He wanted the show to be pro.

If those rules were real, Sonny Fuller would have never have done.

You know what I mean?

And he would book everybody.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No do-rags, no sports jerk.

That's just funny.

I was wearing woo-wear.

And an Ichi.

Yeah.

Of course.

Yeah.

What was the one with the rhino?

Mark Echo.

Echo, yeah.

Echo, yeah.

That guy had a crazy career.

What was his deal?

I thought, I always assumed that he was a businessman that got into that, but it's no, he's just a white guy that liked graffiti or something.

And then he was like, what if I made clothes?

I always thought it was the black guy from Shark Tank.

No.

What did Damon own?

Fubu was it?

It was the Cosby sweater line.

It was like sweater.

Cougie?

Fubu.

No, that's Coogee.

Cougie.

Come on.

I thought that was pussy.

You're from Boston.

You know nothing about the culture.

No, I don't.

I specifically was taught not to.

It was so funny when I was there.

I was like, it's a city.

I was like,

where are the black people?

And they're like, oh, we keep them in a neighborhood called Jamaica.

Yeah, that's where I was born, Jamaica Plain.

Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know the rocks?

It's called Jamaica?

Jamaica Plain.

JP.

Jamaica in New York, like Jamaica in Queens.

Yeah, yeah.

It's Indian.

Well, the name is not, it has nothing to do with the island.

It's really.

It's a Native American word that just happens to sound exactly exactly like Jamaica.

Yeah.

It's a weird neighborhood.

Have you been out there before?

Only to like transfer on the Long Island

Railroad.

Yeah, you say.

Yeah.

But it's bizarre out there.

Which I love that.

Whenever you can catch, you get the LIR from JFK if you're going to Bed Sty.

Yeah.

You can get on that train and it's just two stops, so they won't check your tickets.

Sometimes they do, but it's like a free trip.

That's great.

Free trip to Jamaica.

And it saves a bunch of time to go from JFK to Nostrin.

Yeah, it's very fast.

Also, there's a bar at the Jamaica

train station, L-R-I-R-R.

Yeah.

I've had a couple white claws there before.

That's good.

Yeah.

Go a little fucking bad.

I feel like a business traveler.

Have you been to the TWA hotel?

I did right before I went to Ireland for the first time.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

What did you think?

Gorgeous.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Stunning.

The other one is, and it's unfortunate because it's now a Spirit Airlines terminal.

Terminal one at LaGuardia.

Yeah, the Marine Aviation Terminal.

It is the weirdest place in New York.

Well, it's a terminal from the 1930s.

Oh, and it's still like...

Yeah,

it's this round Art Deco building, and it was for the Boeing Clippers that Pan Am used to run across the Atlantic.

Okay.

So they used to, before

in the 30s, they didn't have like big jet liners

mainly because they didn't want to, you know, you have to pour a shit ton of fucking concrete for the runways.

And concrete isn't like, runways aren't, it's not like a road.

It has to be, the grade has to be like fucking perfect.

There can't be any imperfections.

Yeah.

So it's a big cost.

So they didn't have those.

So like to, like, that was the main reason that

flying boats were ideal for

transatlantic travel.

Okay.

But then they had to build all those runways for World War II anyways.

Right, right.

So now they're here, so you use them.

Yeah, and then those

boat planes are actually not particularly safe.

Like the ones that just land on the water.

The ones from the 30s, like the flying boat planes.

Yeah, the actual big ones, yeah.

So

they used to have, yeah, these big ones.

Yeah, it's Spirit Airways and Boston flights, too.

They go out of

Cape Cod and Boston.

The terminal is still there, but the Terminal A.

Yeah, it used to just be for Pan Am.

I go to LaGuardia a lot, but I've never been there.

Apparently, you're a Megabus guy.

Yeah, I'm a big megabus guy.

You've got to take that flight.

It's awesome.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, I'll check it out.

Yeah, but it feels like you're in Ohio in like a regional airport.

That's fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, there's like murals of like

Charles Lindbergh looking ass motherfuckers.

That's fun.

I like getting like locked back in time like that.

You're just walking through it.

Because there's a few even subway stations in New York that feel like that.

All the subway stations are old as shit.

You know what building I love?

Anytime I go to Philly, I take the Amtrak, that 30th Street station.

Oh, yeah.

That's a gorgeous building.

Yeah.

On the

east or west side.

Huh?

On the other side of the Schkel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's nice there.

What's your favorite train?

My favorite train?

Probably the end train.

Ooh.

Controversial choice.

Why are you just coming here trying to make nasty jokes?

I'm trying to make hot clips, dude.

I want to apologize to also someone.

I read a DM as I was flying back to America, but it was a guy who's a driver for the tube, for the London Underground, and he offered me a ride-along.

And I didn't see it when I was there, but I would have done it.

That sounds awesome.

Hold on.

Do you mean just taking the subway?

I don't know.

What do you mean by ride along?

In the conductor.

I'd be in the

conductor area.

It's public transport.

Imagine a bus driver being like, How about a ride-along?

Really?

It's like a kid that gets to meet the pilot and get the wings,

but I get to do it on a train, on a subway train.

Subway tube function He's so cool.

So this is the mechanism I use, just start and go, and that's about it.

I can't believe that the first time.

You've heard about that autistic black guy that breaks into all the trains and pretends to be an operator.

No, here?

In New York.

He's been arrested like seven times.

He's autistic, and he'll

disguise himself as an MTA worker, get on the train, and then run the usual route.

Why don't they just hire him?

Because that drives them perfectly, too.

I had an announcement today that said they were hiring.

I'm like, just bring the guy in if he wants the job that badly.

Black autism is kind of its own special.

He's in Riker.

It's a new part of the spectrum.

There was another guy.

There was a guy, there was a black autistic guy in Florida that was pretending to be an RBGYN.

I love that kid.

See, that makes sense to pretend to be.

Yeah.

His headshot was awesome.

Do you remember that kid?

No, I haven't heard of this.

There was a dude pretending to be an

14-year-old who got a lab coat and he had a headshot like this.

He was going to hospitals and telling people he was a pussy doctor.

Honestly, he's the coolest kid I've ever seen.

That's what you pretend to be when that's a good office.

It's crazy with all the security and like, you know, like you're constantly surveilled and all of these things.

So much of, like, you can do anything if you have the right uniform and a badge that looks even somewhat real.

Especially in a hospital.

There's so many people coming and going.

You show up in scrubs.

Fucking airport, dude.

You can just dress up like a pilot and walk anywhere the fuck you want.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, at least the airport, you have to have a badge.

It feels like in the hospital, it's not a good job.

But they don't check them.

You see, I mean, you guys do TSA.

You see people, especially the JFK.

Yeah.

It's like there's a million employees.

It's the lady that's like, I work at Dunka Dunk.

Yeah, you can just put that dude's headshot

in a little arm sleeve.

Walk right through.

Did you want to be a comedian when you were a kid?

I always thought about it.

Like, I loved comedy.

I first listened to it when I was probably like 11 or 12 or something like that.

But I wanted Pablo Francisco.

I love Pablo Francisco.

I love Brian Regan was my favorite.

He was a standard.

When I was 11 or 12, he was my favorite comedian.

Yeah, so funny.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Little Tortilla boy.

Tortilla boy.

The Little Tortilla boy.

That premium blend was like so good.

That used to hit

so hard.

Yeah, especially because he was so out there compared to a lot of other guys.

He really stood out with that big act out and the voices and everything.

The Latino clown.

I'm referring to every Hispanic comedian.

The Latino.

Like the Latino clown.

Di Jester.

Yeah, no, I was a baseball player for when I was a kid.

Like, I played into college and stuff like that.

You played D1?

No, D2.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

I should have known earlier that it wasn't going to be a D2.

You know, our boy over there, D1.

Well, yeah, I mean, just with his size, you put him in D2.

Does he like sun you about it?

For the audience at home, Pete is 730 pounds.

Yeah.

And an 850.

He dimensions.

He's sumo.

Yeah, yeah.

He was D1 sumo.

It's got to suck to be a big fat guy and think like, oh, I'm going to do sumo and I'll be good at it because all the big guys are big fat guys.

And then you suck at it.

You're like, it's like the one thing you could have maybe have done, and no, now you're just some asshole wearing a diaper, yeah, throwing salt all over and did the whole thing, just sadly eating the salt.

I've actually been watching sumo lately, yeah.

You see that Aaron Donald clip

from the NFL, no, or they had like Micah Parsons, they had someone from the NFL,

it was Micah Parsons like fight one of the sumo guys.

Oh, really?

Who won?

Uh, they uh he bought

even on

By the Sumo?

I mean, it makes sense.

We got to teach them boys to protect a goddamn quarterback.

Fucking I.

Why would Sumo guys become offensive linemen?

I think they will after that, dude.

They will after that?

I would have had that idea.

If I was GM, I'm telling you, I would have had that idea.

10 years kind of locked up by Samoans.

It's a lot of Samoans.

It's a lot of farm boys.

It's crazy that Dwayne Johnson is what happens if a Samoan person goes on a diet.

You know what I mean?

They could all be the wrong.

Like if they just started counting calories, yeah, they could be fucking basically Barack Obama.

Yeah, keep the tattoos.

It'll all look good.

They could be that or Bruno Morris.

Yeah.

Too many piña colada slurpies.

Apparently Bruno Morris is a like

everyone around Vegas is like

a degenerate gambler.

I've heard he's working the rest of his contract for free because he's already spent all the time.

He makes 10 million on a show and then the casino has it back within two hours.

Yeah, and I think he's so far under right now that he's just trying to make up his debt with these shows that he's doing.

So I don't even know if he's seeing any.

At least that's what I'm saying.

How bad could you be at gambling?

I mean, I guess like gambling is impossible.

Besides, at mybookie.com.

Right.

Where you get a free bet, especially if you missed it.

I don't think I've won anything ever.

I've had a couple lucky things, but I'm doing all very low stakes.

I go there with like a hundred bucks or a couple hundred bucks and try and see or a couple hands of blackjack or throw throw some money on a roulette table or something but i've never had even the slightest interest i've been in a casino and i'm like well the lights are pretty the feeling of i'm not gonna lose money is worse than the terrible winning like you you don't feel as good as how bad you feel you're like i had 20 bucks one second ago yeah when i was like uh a drunk i would like relate it to because i had friends that would gamble and it's like if if

If I opened up the fridge every day and I'm like, oh, I hope I get drunk today when I drank 30 beers and nothing happened.

Then I wouldn't be an alcoholic.

Yeah, you weren't even drunk.

Yeah, beers didn't even work.

Well, now I've gained 35 pounds and I wasted my money.

It would just wouldn't, I don't understand.

Yeah.

Yeah, especially like for a guy like that where you're dealing with everything.

Like you're doing, like you said, multiple million dollars in shows a year.

That's so talented.

To give it away like that.

You're working at like the Dolby.

It's like a high-tech fucking theater that you're working in every night.

And to just give all that money away.

It's like, what are you doing this for?

Like, do you ever win?

He was an addict.

That's what he's doing.

I get that.

I get that.

Yeah.

I'm just yelling at a guy who's addicted to it.

I don't understand how you lose $10 million in two hours.

Two $5 million hands of blackjack.

And they'll treat you well, too.

So

if you're a high roller, they'll give you the business.

Yeah, but

they'll treat you well if you're Bruno Mars.

Yeah, if you're just performing at the venue, you get treated like a star.

You don't have to lose all your money right away.

That can't be true.

He can't.

Caleb has the bug.

I went to the win in

Austin?

He has HIV.

I went to the win in Boston, and he was down

200 bucks.

And he's like,

and I'm like, bro, I'm tired.

Let's go.

He's like, I just need.

I just need to.

And he puts his hands to the slots like this.

Oh, okay.

He feels the aura.

And then he went on a fucking,

what was it?

Big Bang Theory?

No, Big Bang Theory was what Josh Androwski did.

Androsky won a million dollars.

It was like a TV show.

Did you hear about this?

No.

Josh Androsky was doing like, I don't know, I think it was like a club in Palm Springs or something.

And he's not a gambler at all.

He's like, oh, there's a Big Bang Theory slot machine.

How funny is that?

Yeah.

Puts a quarter and wins a million fucking dollars.

What the fuck?

Like one of those progressive jackpot type things that are insane.

That's ridiculous.

But anyway, like Caleb felt the aura of.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, by the way.

I feel like literally anybody else, I'd be like, I'm never speaking that

again.

No, that's good.

That's good, at least.

And he hit.

He got his money back.

Wow.

Wow.

He worked.

That's amazing.

He's real magic.

Dude, there is.

Oh, no,

it was an Asian-themed one.

It was like Red Dragon.

Dragonlink.

Yeah, one of them.

Yeah, Red Dragon Karate.

Something or other.

I've gotten into.

It's nice that all the slot machines are themed as things that you could hate if you lose.

Fucking Sheldon.

Chinese took all my money.

Fuck the mentalists.

Yeah.

Wheel of Fortune gets stuck by dick.

Fuck you, pet, Say Jack.

Yeah, no, it's been showing up on my feed a lot more just because I've been in Vegas a lot of dudes that are like, that's a big thing right now.

You go to Vegas a lot?

Just for shows and stuff.

Or did you do Skanks Fest?

You as the Skanks?

No.

Which, by the way, if you're in Vegas,

Skanks Fest is this weekend.

Yeah, get tickets.

I will not be there.

Neither will I either.

I won't be there either yet.

No, I'll do like the seller.

I'm from there.

Brad Garrett's and stuff like that.

How are they?

It's tough.

The shows are great.

I've always heard it's tough with tourists.

I mean, they're like so drunk.

It depends on the show.

I mean, the good thing about Brad Garrett's, they do one show a night.

It's one 8 o'clock show.

Raymond Raymond.

Exactly.

Does he do that?

Now, where did he get the money for that club?

Because he was the guy on Everybody Loves Raymond.

I mean, that show is massive.

And I think he.

Yeah, but how do you get the club for it?

Because it's his club, right?

Yeah, it's his club, yeah.

He had it there for a while, like for a long time.

I think he rode that wave out of it.

Was he in something prior to Everybody Loves Raymond?

I don't think so.

Oh, okay.

And he was doing stand-up and stuff like that.

He was a proper stand-up, but that.

Stand-up stand-up money isn't buy a fucking casino.

No, I mean, now it makes it.

I think they

branded it.

I think it's probably like a brand deal that he signed with.

Yeah, but what investment group is like, you know what the theme should be?

The brother from every Raymond.

That's not even one of the slot machines.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, right, right.

Betty White's got a slot machine.

Yeah, right.

It wasn't like the brother from everybody loves Raymond's slot machine.

Yeah.

How would they go whole casino?

The shows are good there?

Yeah, they're great.

Yeah, yeah, they're great.

I mean, it's I just don't want to go because I want to avoid my family.

Yeah, no, I mean, it's still very much, you're dealing with a lot of tourists and a lot of people from all over, but you don't deal with certain clubs are wise.

Well, I just have my dad in the front row just being like, you're a disappointment.

Yeah.

Why did you do this?

Yeah, that'll make up for anything else.

No, he's a great guy.

There's a wise guy, too, in Vegas, right?

Yeah, they just opened a new room up there, so I think they have two different rooms.

Yeah, your dad would say that, but he would do this.

You would be like.

My dad came to Funny Mom's one week and nearly died from an asthma attack.

Whoa.

And thank God, some girl in the front row had an inhaler and saved my father's life.

Wow, while you were on stage?

While I was on stage.

Helpless doing that.

My dad almost died.

I was like, does anyone have a situation?

Do you know it said he thought he was laughing?

Yeah, I was like, finally.

It felt like scoring a game-winning, like a walk-off home run.

And my dad's dying.

I killed my father.

You're celebrating in your mind.

Yeah.

Harry's, right?

Harry's razors, guys.

Do you shave?

Yeah.

Everything.

Yeah, everything.

Bare down to the baby's bottom, yeah.

You're a swimmer, that's right, right?

Of course.

yeah,

you don't have any drag.

No, not at all, especially with my physique.

First base?

I was catcher.

Pause.

Yeah.

Pause.

Pause.

Catcher.

Come on.

Like you're the guy.

Yeah.

Okay.

Harry's.

Host Adlip, tell a funny story about a time a joke didn't land.

Oh, just like, just now.

Just now.

Yeah, okay.

Maybe you bombed on stage or couldn't impress on a date.

Keep it light.

What the hell is up with these copyrights?

What does that have to do with shit?

I think they're just coded insults in there.

Or just straightforward.

Or it's just Chad GPT.

They're like, what would these two guys say about

us?

I think it goes out to everyone.

No, I think it's because this next line is.

Well,

the next line is...

Adam Friedland freeloaded off the talents of Nick Mullen and Stavros Halkias for years.

But everyone knows that not everyone.

Yeah, they're sending that to us.

They're not sending sending that to everyone.

The West Coast guys are getting that.

Bobby Lee has that.

Yeah, spread the word.

Bobby Lee's

Bobby Lee's sitting there

barely wearing a beanie, saying those exact words.

Just doing an Asian minstrelsy for

the fuck is Adam Friedland?

Who the fuck is Adam Flundland?

Oh, New York guy.

Those guys say anything.

New York guy.

Those guys really say anything.

But Harry, okay, everyone knows in the comedy world, everyone in the comedy world knows not every joke delivers, but Harry's always does.

Unlike my joke about, what did you play in baseball?

Catcher.

Fucking

switched to pitcher after.

Oh.

Last couple years.

Straight.

Went to fucking.

Is it true what they say about that they're all sociopaths?

Baseball players?

Pitchers.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

They're psychopaths.

There's an ego to it, for sure.

And you're sociopaths.

There's certain jobs where they're like, everybody that does that is a psychopath.

Surgeon.

Surgeon and pitcher.

Pitcher.

Trevor Burrus, that guy is like...

Actually, it was a false accusation, right?

Yeah.

Right?

With Trevor Bauer?

Yeah, with Trevor Bauer.

What was the accusation?

Something with

him being a crazy

sexual something.

When it comes to that, with athletes, I'm like, yeah, probably.

No, they're all animals.

No,

come on.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, right.

All lies.

Everybody's a great guy.

No, they're fucking everything in the move.

What are you talking about?

That's why you become a professional baseball player.

Okay, so

Harry's always delivers.

They send the best quality razors right to your door for a fraction of the price.

And by the way, they wanted us to say that every athlete who's ever been accused was.

Okay.

Okay, cool.

Okay, so that's good.

Better designed shaving products at a better price is no joke.

It's Harry's.

I've had an experience with Harry's.

It's phenomenal.

It's taken off all the hairs.

It felt great.

And I got pussy off of it.

Hell yeah.

From a girl.

Because my face was.

She said, you have a face of a boy.

There's no hairs.

And that's what I'm attracted to.

And she was into that.

She was into it, yeah.

Describe the quality of the product.

What do you think, Nick?

I think it's fucking awesome.

What about the deodorant lotions, body wash, hair gels, etc.?

I'm loaded up, dude.

I'm slick right now.

Dairy's having a lot of money.

I'm completely wet in lotions.

I've got so many lotions on right now.

You look supple.

Yeah, deodorants.

I'm like soaking wet, just covered in lotion.

Fuck yeah, dude.

Dude, yeah.

My man, like, I slip his lad.

Yeah, it's nice.

How did it make you feel, Nick?

How did it smell?

It smelled great.

I love the smell.

I love the smell of the lotions and the way they feel on my skin.

I love the razor.

I love it.

You can barely feel it.

It just glides over everything, and then you don't have any, there's no stubble, there's no shadow.

Great.

I feel like I don't have to shave for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

But I do, of course, because that's not how the body works.

Without naming other brands, how does it compare to alternatives that you've tried?

Well, the alternatives are bad.

I guess I'd say that.

I wouldn't even say their names.

Yeah.

Guys, here's what makes Harry's unbeatable

in terms of value.

German engineered blades.

You know what they did over there.

Yeah.

And

they make them in their own factory, and they stay sharp longer.

That's what they say about the Germans.

That's a cool job.

They stay sharp.

Working in the Blades factory.

Blade factory.

Yeah.

There's a lot of group texts about going to the gathering of the Juggalos at the Blades factory.

What are you doing this weekend?

Oh, I guess, yeah, it would be in Germany.

Yeah.

Well, we have to see the Juggalos.

Do they have, I guess, Oktoberfest is as close as you get to that in Germany.

Yeah, less face paint, but still as much energy.

I remember as a kid thing, I'm like, oh man, I can't wait to go to Oktoberfest.

And I didn't know what it was.

I just heard the word, and I thought it was like there'd be Halloween candy and costumes and stuff.

And then it's just German people like trying different types of pepper and drinking beer.

Suspended shorts.

Yeah.

Really stupid stuff.

Yeah.

Big rallies, huge speeches.

Right, right.

A lot of the, you know, rallying a whole nation to quality.

Yeah.

You can get a five-blade rally.

Were Hitler's rallies free?

Or did you have to like buy a ticket to go see?

I'm a Hitler bringer.

If you bring 10 people to the rally, you'll get a free pin.

No, I wanted to.

Did you have to buy a ticket to go see Hitler?

I don't know.

Is there somebody with that in their journal?

He made 75 million

Deutschmarks on the road that year.

Yeah, what was the gate?

He was basically the Matt Reif of his day.

Yeah, a lot of people are saying that.

I tell you, I had a dream that he was about Matt Reif, that you were kissing him?

That he was good, that he got good at stand-up.

And I was trying to explain to people.

I'm like, no, something's changed.

Yeah.

He's on fire.

Yeah.

I don't know what that dream was.

Yeah, I'm like, no, he's doing it.

He's like self-aware now, and there's like

what a dream.

It's just a general idea of redemption, I guess.

Yeah.

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Adam, are you in town this weekend?

Yes.

Can you feed my cat?

Yes.

Okay, thank you.

Wouldn't trust me to do it.

Well, you're all the way in Queens.

I I gotta find somebody.

I even feel bad asking because he's all the way in Fort Green.

I thought you had the automatic feeder.

I can't.

She can't use it anymore because her teeth got removed.

She can only have one foot.

You have to chew it and spit it in the mouth.

No, you just open the can of wet food.

It's Hill Science Diet Senior Vitality.

We're spending like $100 a month now on cat food.

You got to get them to sponsor the show.

Yeah, I guess.

I don't know.

The vet recommended it, but

she's doing a lot better.

That's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She got her teeth removed.

No teeth.

Come on.

We all know what that means.

So, yeah, what else is in the news?

So you're a Zionist.

Yeah, I'm a Zionist.

Yeah.

Hardcore.

What's your favorite part of

it?

It's mostly how it makes me feel, I would say, and superiority and just, you know, feeling like my position is

secured.

You know, just of being, of self.

What the fuck?

I don't know.

So you're from Southeast Projects.

Yeah, born and raised, Southey Projects.

What's it like there?

It's like all white people?

Yeah, it's all whites.

We made sure that it's hardcore.

You know, a lot of people fucking going around slapping each other's cocks, then calling them fags and shit.

Doesn't it upset you when people make

a joke about the bombing?

Like the marathon bombing?

Marathon bombing.

I mean, no, I think anything's open.

Oh, you're like a free speech company.

Yeah, yeah.

Say whatever you want, but it should be funny.

It's not offensive.

Do you think Tsarnaev should be getting the death penalty or no?

I don't know.

I think the death penalty is interesting.

A lot of me wants to have people serve their time.

I think a lot of people do stuff like that thinking that they're going to die at the end of it, the school shooters and stuff like that.

They're like, oh, I'll just do this and then I'll die.

It's like, no, now you should have to kind of live with that for a while.

No, but he's going to get away.

I think they should put him as a martyr.

They should put him in a zoo.

There's only like 300 cheches in the middle.

The zoo would be nice.

We can go check him out.

I know it sounds racist, but if there's only 300 of a type of person, they belong in the zoo.

Right.

At least a few of them.

So we can

study and give them their.

If it were 1890, that's what we would do.

Chechens, Boston Brahmins.

Yeah.

Boston Brahmins?

Yeah, there are like 300 probably left.

Yeah.

They have a little enclosure with Adidas track pants.

Right.

And a Sony Walkman.

Like weights made out of car parts.

Places for them to squat around.

Yeah, right.

Stare at people.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

Just listening to the theme song from the 1995 Mortal Kombat.

Well, people think zoos are sad anything.

Fucking awesome, cool music, man.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah, Chechnya number one.

This is the one song we have.

Yeah, I'd pay for that.

I'm not going to go to a real zoo, but I'd pay for that.

I would love that.

No, I want to see a sad gorilla, but to see some Chechnyans.

Next to him, a baboon.

Oh, it's all mixed together.

You watch him.

Yeah.

There you go.

Oh, the primate house.

The Chechens got into the baboon enclosure.

They filled Jackny.

No, they're doing MMA against them.

Yeah, one of our zookeepers got arm barred by one of the Chechnya.

They can't stop doing MMA.

She was feeding him.

It's a spice dust that they eat there.

His favorite spice.

They made a delicacy in Chechnya, which is the contents of a vacuum bag

spiced beyond comprehension.

It's delicious.

Did you see that zoo in China that had dogs painted as pandas?

They're like

people in bear costumes.

Yeah, I saw that one.

This was like just straight up Burmese mountain dogs.

Yeah, and they just painted them.

And they just painted them like that.

And they were like, yeah, people said they were barking, that the bears were barking.

Well, because China can make way more money just selling or renting the pandas.

Yeah, they give us the pandas.

I think they lease us the pandas.

Wait, we have to pay for lingling

for the one that they had in DC.

They took it back when they were mad at us, right?

I think it was because it was leased, and we paid like $10 million for that panda.

No, we did.

Now, here's the rule.

No, we did.

No, we didn't.

Here's the rule.

If the panda, like it's like they work like people, where if the panda gives birth here, you get to keep it.

So that's why they're always trying to make the pandas.

That's why they're always trying to make the pandas fuck.

It's not because they're like, oh, we don't have enough pandas.

It's because we get to keep the panda.

Oh, and then it helps zoo revenue.

That is the fucking dumbest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

That we're trying to make fucking pandas fuck each other to stick it to China.

Yeah, and just be like, they're in danger.

That's why we're doing it.

It's like, no, it's because the repo guy is going to come pick them up.

There's a fucking lesbian lady that works at that zoo that's in charge of getting them in the mood.

There's

Kevin James looking Lesy.

Yeah, just showing up with Chinese thesis.

I never saw a zookeeper.

Was that a good one?

Was that a Kevin James movie?

Yeah, yeah.

It was after Paul Blarty.

They gave him a different job.

Oh, really?

No, I only saw the Matt Damon zoo movie.

We bought a Zoo.

That's a Boston movie?

I don't think it's a Boston movie.

Anything with Matt Damons if I can be.

It should be.

Yeah.

Talented Mr.

Rips.

He's a fan guy.

Elysium Boston.

Elysium.

Yeah.

Born.

Yeah.

He's speaking Spanish.

Doesn't he speak Spanish in that movie?

In Elysium?

Yeah, Como Esta.

Como Esta.

Doesn't he speak Spanish in Elysium?

For like a minute.

Have you seen that clip of that movie Denzels in where he gets going around?

No, I don't think so.

Where they cast him in the 80s as an East London

guy.

Is he putting the accent on?

I'm just going to play it for you guys.

They did that.

They would put America, because America has

movie stars.

We have actors.

And then they would send the movie stars, or just do them domestically, have them play like a British person, an Australian person, right?

Right.

And then it would be like laughable.

Which I'm fine with that.

I mean, there's enough British guys coming to play Americans that I think.

Yeah, but they spend a bunch of time with like a private tutor.

Yeah, and learn how to do that.

So they have like the subtle nuances of right, right?

I mean, oh, yeah, I'm Dan Joe Washington.

Tony Collette and fucking Six Sense is crazy.

I watched the submarine movie, the Denzel.

What's that?

It's a Crimson Tide on the plane.

Yeah, that was awesome.

So dope.

Yeah.

So dope.

It's about mutiny.

Okay.

On a submarine.

Yeah, no chicks.

Fuck it.

So us.

That's the sickest fucking hell.

So us.

I hate it when there's a chick.

I tried to have a little submarine movie.

I was like, I'm going to do a submarine movie.

Down Periscope

Afternoon.

And I started with Das Boot,

which is a slog.

That is such a fucking boring movie.

And so I just stopped there.

I was like, I can't believe I just sat here and tried to watch Das Boot again.

And then just watched the Ocean Gate footage.

I should have just watched Down Periscope.

Down Periscope is so funny.

Das Boot might be the worst submarine movie.

And it's crazy because everyone's like, oh, this is the best one.

Down Periscope is the worst submarine movie.

It's literally better than Das Boot.

Are they comedies?

Are they meant to be comedies?

No, Das Boot's German.

There's nothing funny about it.

Oh, yeah, fine.

Have you seen any submarine movies?

I don't know if I have.

Not any that are based around the entirety of the submarine.

K-19, The Widowmaker, U-571, Das Boot, Down Periscope, Crimson Tide, Hunt for Red October.

Hunt for Red October I have seen, but it's been so long.

Yeah.

It's interesting to put together a submarine-based evening for yourself.

Well, there's not a lot of them.

Bail on it.

Well, it was more like a

week.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, weekend kind of marathon.

Got that.

Got that.

Yeah.

You know what's actually really good?

Is that fucking Tom Hanks Greyhound movie that he made for like Apple TV?

Yeah, I saw some clips of that, but I haven't seen the whole series.

It's just great.

Well, it's just one movie.

Oh, it's just a movie.

Oh, okay, cool.

And it's funny, I didn't watch it forever because I would confuse it with there's a Nicholas Cage movie that came out like two years prior that's like

the boat man.

You know, it's like it's just, he's like,

it's some naval Nicolas Cage movie

that I had to turn off.

There's another one that came out around the same time.

Nicholas Cage is like an ex-CIA officer that gets dementia.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, he's like, he can't be in the CIA anymore because he has memory problems.

Yeah.

But that's not going to stop him.

That movie's great.

Yeah.

It's good to see Nicholas Cage still working because he really had an era there where it felt like he was in everything.

And then he kind of disappeared.

Him and Ben Frazier felt like disappeared at about the same time.

Well, the guy really loves working.

Yeah.

Well, now it just seems like they're all coming back around.

I think

it's good.

Yeah.

Well, is Brendan Fraser in things or is he

just the whale?

He did the whale, and I mean, I know he got that big standing ovation at the French Film Festival.

I don't know if that was for the whale or for the French film.

The French people love clapping.

They fucking clap for everything.

Yeah, it's a lot.

It's a lot.

They clap for Airbud.

Airbud's worth.

Airbud one con, and the French people were asking the dog questions.

So what was it like to score the game in the game?

Do you think

there is a metaphysical quality to the dog?

It's play basketball.

Sure.

Okay, thank you.

My smart question was validated,

which makes me smart.

An expert in this field.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's fun.

You know what I saw today, actually?

They used the first suicide booth ever today.

Have you seen that?

That just came up.

Yeah, I just saw that this morning.

It was like a 57-year-old woman or something.

No, they've had them, though.

This is a new one.

But this is the first one that they use actually

under law.

And then so it just floods with nitrogen or something.

So yeah, I mean, it looks like a space capsule.

And then you put it on the edge of a cliff so that people can look at the sunset or something.

Yeah, something like that.

Something nice.

I mean, why not just put a screen in there or something?

That's terrifying.

Turn me into a robot.

Turn me into a killing machine.

Also, there's so many fun ways to kill yourself.

That's how you know you're really depressed.

People are like, would you upload your brain to a computer?

Absolutely.

As long as the computer is a killing machine, or at least has the ability to become one at the right time.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't want to fucking die, dude.

That sounds like it sucks.

Dying is the scariest thing ever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was saying there's a suicide boot they just use for the first time.

Like you just load into the capsule and they're using them up in Canada.

They just like made them legal.

Oh, I thought you meant Eric Adams was setting them up.

We couldn't do that in America because it's like

the second they put a black woman in one of those things, it's like

that's genocide.

There's riots.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, we're one crazy.

Even if she made the decision herself, it's like, who told her about it?

You know what I mean?

Not that I think that she would use it, but the optics of that would be.

It would be tough.

That would be a fucking nightmare.

Yeah, yeah.

That's the only reason.

If California killed a black woman in a pod,

they're like, we helped her.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's a slippery narrative.

Yeah.

I would love it if Mayor Adams was like.

That's probably why they're installing Kamala so they can roll out the pods.

Roll out the pods.

And they'll be like, what are you talking about?

Oh, you don't like the Trump loss?

One of them's president.

Yeah.

It's not a genocide.

One of them is president.

I always thought that.

I never said when that Will Smith movie came out, the

iRobot, the Hazmov movie.

Yeah, yeah.

Now, he doesn't play the robot at all.

Well, he has, a part of him is a robot.

That gets revealed later.

Yeah, I always thought about that.

It's like, if we ever had androids, they couldn't be black people.

Why?

You think?

Because you can't just be like, oh, no, they're not slaves.

Well, we don't pay them.

Yeah, right.

They're black for something.

Yeah, it looks bad.

Yeah.

Well, that'll be the new, that's like the new race that's going to get invented where we can kind of decide on how we want to be racist towards people.

I always wanted to see a sci-fi movie where the computers or robots take over.

Yeah.

But they do it by being pathetic.

Like they're just, they engender so much empathy because they're like, can you help me?

Yeah.

I need all the money and the nuclear weapons the world's programmed against me i don't know how i can't which was basically the new aliens movie right yeah

that was both he was black and not only were you know it's like the aliens black the they've always been black yeah oh i never had that reading of the movie yeah yeah that's there's a racial yeah there's always a racial element oh yeah that's why they're always doing the whisper predator is black because he has dreads the dreads yeah yeah yeah but that's why alien vs predator is actually black alien is

a

predator is like an East Coast, West Coast.

Alien is a migrant, I thought.

Yeah,

still a person of color.

I think we can all agree.

No, the robot in the new one's

black guy.

Oh, the robot was.

Oh.

I still haven't seen any alien movies.

Wow, really?

Yeah.

Well, you should sit down and have yourself a submarine alien extravaganza.

Here are the big ones I've missed.

I never saw Jaws.

Oh, wow.

Really?

I've never seen Jaws.

That's crazy.

It's worth it just for the

Hades for Brady, but not Jaws?

No, Nick.

Oh, you saw Hades for Brady.

No, he's a cinephile.

Jaws is worth it just for the

USS Indianapolis scene

when Shaw gives that speech.

200 men went into the water.

I only know that speech from the video of you doing

a parody of that speech.

Oh, okay.

Remember that video?

I don't have the ability to do that anymore.

No, it's gone.

No, yeah.

My brain doesn't work.

My brain sucks, too.

Yeah.

Every hour I'll be like, what about

a banana that wears pajamas?

And that's it.

That's the most

you can get out of me.

But no, that scene's great.

They brought in John Milius to write it.

He just wrote it.

Just for that scene.

Just that scene.

Oh, wow.

He just punched up one scene.

Yeah.

Pretty sick.

They were like, we need John Milius has to say whatever this is.

He has to get some epic shit down.

He's awesome.

Yeah.

He's right-wing or no?

Yeah, he's right-wing.

He's right-wing.

Yeah.

That's sick.

American right-wing or British right-wing?

American right-wing.

That's left-wing.

My bad.

Oh, no, that's Australia.

No, I watched their Fox News,

GBTV.

They try to start Fox News, and it's all that guy Farage.

And that guy is awesome.

Now, what's his first name?

I've always said it wrong.

Okay.

Yeah, come on.

Don't even go there.

Well, you know,

it's Britain.

I was like, wow.

Maybe it's like cunt.

It's not a bad word there.

Yeah, yeah.

She's going to London and calling everybody the N-word.

Say the N-word?

I thought it's a term of endearment.

I thought it was like

words.

No, it's like that in your country.

You can go to jail for it.

Well, you can go to jail for tweeting

for tweets.

It happens a lot over there.

Apparently, a bunch of people from the race wars they just had are in jail for Facebook status updates.

Wow.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Man.

To have it be that easy to go to jail, like to just type something.

Yeah, they don't have free speech.

You got to at least hit somebody.

They don't have free speech.

I know.

That's crazy.

People forget about that.

It's like you're just one thing away.

With all that shit,

it should be immediately, you can just apologize and you get off.

There's like a formal apology because that's like, I mean, they don't have a constitution, whatever.

But at the very least, because people just say shit.

I should be able to post it.

People just be saying shit.

People be, they do be saying shit.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

I'd say, I can't, like, I could not function in a place like that.

I have no problem apologizing.

It would be a temptation.

I wouldn't.

And you would not be able to.

I know.

Well, I wouldn't even think about it.

I'd say something, and then I'm thinking I'm saying something else.

Right.

And then you should be able to bring me in front of the court jester or whatever, and I'm like, look, I didn't, I'm sorry.

Yeah, you should be able to just tweet again and say that makes up for the crime that you did.

Guy in a wig?

Yeah, one of those wig guys.

Also, it's stupid because then it's like.

If you spelled Nigel with an extra G.

What do you have to say for yourself?

Come on, man.

If that's the case, the government should go after the fucking.

They should go after Twitter.

They should pass laws that say, like, you need to police your platform better.

Brazil just banned it for that reason.

Well, I think they banned it because Elon Musk threatened to fight Maduro.

In Venezuela, though, right?

Yeah, didn't that happen?

And then he was like threatening

MMA?

Yeah, he was like, I'm going to come there and fight you.

And then after that, it was banned.

I love that he's just demanding the Jews vote for him.

You better do it or

he's like, we'll be nuked.

We will get rid of you.

We will wipe you off.

If you don't vote for me, you're a piece of shit.

You're one of the bad ones.

You're not Jewish.

You're not a real Jew.

The real Jews, they vote for me.

He's awesome, dude.

You think there's going to be a third assassination attempt?

There'll probably be a couple more.

The second one, I don't even know if you can call call it attempt.

The guy just pointed the barrel through.

I don't know if he even had the ball.

No, he was sitting there for like, he was there for like 12 hours.

He was like camped out with body armor.

Well, it's crazy to have 12 hours to set up and not have any sort of camouflage set up.

You don't even put a little bit of a bunch of stuff.

Well, he's hiding in like a bush, I think.

Yeah, but to not block your barrel from sticking out to the point where somebody can see it.

I don't know all the details, but I do know because initially it was like, oh, there's a guy with a gun there.

It's like, it's Florida.

It could have just been a guy taking his gun.

It could have been his backyard.

Right.

Yeah.

But no, he was

sitting there.

He was dating his gun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I mean, what he do it for Ukraine?

Is that what he's saying?

I don't know.

It's like a mentally ill guy.

Yeah, he was just fed up with everything, I guess.

But it is crazy to go golfing after you've been shot at.

Like, there's a bit of balls to that, I think, to be like, I love this.

I'm going to go golfing after you're only on long ranges with places for people to hide around you.

Honestly,

I admire that.

Yeah,

I wouldn't do that.

That's some balls to go out there.

He loves the game.

It would be cool if Kamala was shot at, murdered,

just

to see Sean Hannity be like, well, they wouldn't care if it happened to Trump.

Just like going

on TV telling people why they shouldn't care.

Because that's exactly what would happen.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, obviously, don't try to shoot a candidate for president, but if you're going to,

just try to shoot all of them.

That's what I'm saying.

And that's what happened.

There were two attempts on Trump's life, only one on Kamala.

Is it our fault that it was successful?

No.

It's still two versus one.

It's two on one.

I think one of her offices got shot.

Oh, really?

Yeah, campaign offices.

But maybe it was her.

She did it.

Yeah.

Oh, TeFi.

That's all.

With her gun.

Yeah.

She shot sideways.

Black style.

Yeah, she was on Oprah and she said, I have a gun and I will shoot anyone that comes near me.

Oh, yeah, I did say that.

I saw.

She said, if Trayvon was in front of me right now,

I'd be pulling the trigger.

Oh.

She's going to be mad at me for that.

Yeah, I don't know.

It's interesting because the election now, it feels like we don't even talk policy almost at all anymore.

What the funniest thing is all of these pollsters, none of them have any fucking idea.

Oh, no.

They have no idea.

If you believe that.

And their credibility has been destroyed over the last couple of years.

Yeah.

And then they still get the, like, people still ask them.

And they're like, oh, well, yeah, it could be.

Oh, she's up in the polls.

He's up in the polls.

It could be either one of them.

To me, it's like family feud.

You have to tell me who you asked.

You can't just say we asked 100 people and here's the vote.

It's like, did you ask 100 blue-collar workers?

Did you ask 100 of these people?

Oh, I thought you were going to say it's like family feud because it's white people versus black people.

Well, that is a part of it.

It's the Johnson family.

It's a race war.

Hosted by Steve Harvey.

Yeah, hosted by.

Steve Harvey would be a good.

I would like to see him as a moderator debate.

Secretary of Transportation, Steve Harvey.

Be so sick.

Be so sick.

Act like a damn man.

The fuck you mean the buses ain't running all the time?

We'll get that fixed right away, Mr.

Harvey.

Still holding me.

The buses have never been better.

You can get from Midtown, Manhattan to Dallas, Texas in 15 minutes now.

I never

heard or knew the name of the Secretary of Transportation, but it seems to me as if Budajig has done an awful job.

Like the airlines have been a mess for the last four years.

Just that guy managed to fuck it up.

Out of all

the money.

I think it's time to go the other way and re-regulate the airlines.

We need to go back to flights costing, you know, you want to fly from D.C.

to Boston.

It costs $15,000.

Right.

Three-course meal.

You get a cigarette.

The flight attendants speak German.

They're willing to do stuff.

There's a grand piano.

You get a Biscoff cookie of water and some pussy on every flight.

They kids pussy.

Yeah.

It's that or spirit.

The rest of

the fly spirit.

Either holding a rope or you're fucking getting your dick sucked in first class.

No, no, they keep trying to merge, too.

They keep trying to like.

Yeah, just buy everything out.

Yeah, the small airlines are now trying to.

Yeah, and that's, I mean, I feel like that's how a lot of them now.

It's all this, this operated by that.

It's Endeavor Air operated by that.

Yeah, those deals.

American Airlines and JetBlue had one here, but the court broke it up.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, the CrowdStrike stuff was crazy, too.

That was just like, it makes you realize how vulnerable the whole system is.

Well, that's what I mean.

Or a guy pretending to be a pilot just walking through an airport.

Yeah, that's the next thing.

Catch me if you can.

Yeah, that's doable.

I think we're back to being able to do that again.

That movie is so sick.

It's so awesome.

It's cool, but then it's presented almost.

It's like, isn't it crazy?

You used to be able to get away with this stuff in the 60s.

It's like, you can still do that.

You can totally still do it.

You can do all of that.

Yeah, you can require it.

You had to make checks.

I don't know.

He got really good at stationary.

Yeah, yeah.

The biggest stuff he did, he was just wearing a different costume.

Yeah.

You know, and just making it up as he went along.

Right.

Yeah.

No, that's the jump seat.

Yeah.

But he studied for the bar.

Then he passed it.

That's impressive.

Frank Abignale.

Abignale.

Abignali.

Yeah.

Is that the movie?

No, it's Back to the Future where he tells

he likes hot Dr.

Pepper.

Christopher Walken.

No, I don't really know.

There's nothing I love more than a hot Dr.

Pepper.

Yeah, boil it up.

Back to the Future is a great movie.

Speaking of Brendan Frazier, you have a good series to jump into, too.

You want to talk about a little more?

Not Back to the Future.

Sorry, Blast from the Past.

Oh, Blast from the Past.

Have you ever seen that?

No, I don't think that's it.

Brendan Frazier?

Yeah.

He's like a bully.

I love that movie.

He's in a bunker.

He's born in a fallout shelter.

They think the nukes are going off in the 60s.

So his family seals themselves in an underground bunker.

And then he comes out in 1995 as like a 30-year-old man.

Oh, that's fun.

I like that.

Blast from the past.

And famously, in the trailer, a black male lady walks by and he goes, My lucky star's a Negro.

And that's the bit that's in the trailer.

That sold the film.

That's great.

I watched that Challengers on the plane, too.

The trailer really made it look like Zendaya was going to get just

heavy Eiffel Towered.

Yeah.

And it did not happen.

Bummer.

I was waiting the whole movie.

movie.

Just I wanted her.

I wanted them to high five

while one was getting it on one side, the other one the other side.

Never came.

God damn it.

I got pissed.

I punched the screen.

There was an old woman.

Yeah, the old woman in front.

Like, what?

What?

Zendaya didn't get fucking iconic.

This movie's fucking bullshit.

I'm sick of A-24.

Clickbait.

The fucking trailer line.

Yeah.

My impression of that movie was I liked liked it a lot, but there's an inconsistency I noticed.

The guy says his name is Zweig at the beginning of the movie, and then he doesn't pronounce it that way, or nobody else does for the rest of the film.

Oh, that's annoying.

Yeah.

I noticed that too.

Yeah, and it's

that is Zweig.

Z-W-E-A-I-I-I-I-I-I-I.

The actor is like European.

That guy's awesome.

He's a good actor, yeah.

He's cute.

He's a British guy, but they probably shot that first.

So he goes in and he's like, yeah, the name's Zweig.

Oh, and then just Aaron Cheese.

Yeah, and then he's an American American guy for the rest of the movie, so it's Zweig.

But

that's the only thing I remember from it.

Yeah.

And they don't want to.

Eiffel Tower her.

It's bullshit.

Don't watch that movie.

I'm not going to bother.

Don't watch that movie.

Between the inconsistencies and the, you know,

I walked out when they were, like, when there were all three of them in the hotel, so I assume they fucked.

I had to go piss.

No, no, that's the way to do it.

You guys just kiss for like a minute and then both.

It's nice to be at that age where it's like there's a sex scene coming up.

I'm like, perfect time to piss.

Yeah, let me get out of here.

Disco of care, whatever.

This one's for you kids.

Watch people fuck?

No, thanks.

Let me know when it's a cartoon.

Yeah, I want it drawn.

Yeah, right.

Let me know when it's a robot octopus raping a guy.

Nick, do you have a September memory that makes you nostalgic?

That's insane.

There's no way that's fucking in there.

Liquid IV wants to know.

That's a setup.

This is a setup.

Talk about a September memory that makes you nostalgic.

Gee, what famously happened in September?

Hmm.

How are they going to do that to to us?

No, no, no, man.

That's like going to England with no free speech.

I feel like they've really cheapened the 9-11 fucking searchlights that they do every year by like with the light displays on the Empire State Building.

You think it's gotten like down in budget over there?

We had the Empire State Building dressed up like Darth Vader a couple of years ago, and it's like,

do we have no respect for 9-11 at all anymore?

That if we're putting on light shows for Darth Vader when Star Wars has never never been worse,

which is actually not true.

They're terrible movies from the get-go.

Star Wars.

But now there's more terrible movies.

Now there's more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

it's disrespectful also to 9-11.

Well, if we're going to put lights up in the sky, if it's just once a year and it's for the Twin Towers, sure.

Right.

Imagine if right next to the Holocaust Museum in Berlin or wherever it is, in Germany, you had the Crayola Crayon factory with the live crayon experience.

Imagine if they had fucking like meet fucking Darth Vader

in the gift shop at Auschwitz.

Tough sell.

Wouldn't you say this is a little.

People get mad at people taking smiling selfies.

Right, right, right.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I'm not wrong.

If anything, I'm too right.

Yeah, keep Vader out of Auschwitz.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, guys, it's time for a new fall tradition.

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I have, actually, yeah, it's great.

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I fucked myself up on the exercise bike the other day.

Yeah.

And

I had to get my girlfriend to fix me some liquid IV, which we get for free, by the way, which you guys don't, but we do.

And,

no, I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital.

Because I didn't eat all day, and then I rode the exercise bike.

You were just emaciated well I had like the worst headache and I was nauseous and I couldn't stand up because I rode it for like four and a half hours and then when the cock would IV got you back yeah the electrolytes and the you know I also had some peanut MMs I think the the glucose was the main thing but the liquid IV helped wash the peanut MMs down but I have it I have it with me here in my that's great well uh the reason nick feels better was because the hydration multiplier plus energy which which delivers 100 milligrams of natural caffeine plus three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drinks.

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No, I didn't.

I wish during your baseball career

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My thermos is stinky.

I wish I had maybe.

Was that?

My thermos is stinky again.

The lids get mildew.

You do.

You got to get them clean.

I didn't realize that one day.

You have to clean them all the fucking time.

And it's such a pain in the ass because if you let the water dry on them, you take the gaskets off.

And then if you let the water dry, it's just going to get stinky.

Yeah, it's just going to get grossy.

So I have to put them, I put them in the fucking broiler.

I take the gaskets out, I wash them, then I put them in the broiler to dry them for like two minutes, and then I reassemble them.

Bake your water bottle?

Just the gaskets.

You're the weirdest guy.

To dry it out, you fucking dumbass.

You're the weirdest guy.

What would you do?

Have a hair dryer?

Paper towel?

I don't have stuff like that.

Paper tower doesn't do it.

And then you get.

You got air dry.

What about wipe it down?

I've tried that.

I would do that.

Now you use the oven.

It's much faster.

For your water bottle.

Well, also, I'll be like cooking something.

I'll be making a bunch of French toasts.

While food is in there?

Of course.

And then, so I preheat the oven, and while it's preheating, I'll put the gas mits in.

For one.

Yeah.

And I make my famous breaded baked French toast.

You truly have a beautiful mind, Nick.

That is incredible.

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Great.

Now we're back to the show.

Awesome.

Did I tell you I finally finished all those Lyndon Johnson books?

You did.

I did.

How does it feel?

It's kind of depressing, honestly.

You have nothing left to look forward to.

I don't, yeah.

Unless Caro writes that fifth book.

I know, but the fourth one was kind of bullshit, to be honest with you.

Really, he's falling off.

Well, the fourth one, it's like

it's when he's president.

The fourth book

is his

couple years as vice president and then president.

And

it's just, yeah, it doesn't move the same way the third one did.

I guess, I mean, his glory years were in the Senate.

It's like an

autobiography series?

It's not an autobiography series.

It's a regular biography.

Nick didn't like the part where he passed the Civil Rights Act.

He was like, this part's bullshit.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't say that.

But that's the thing.

It's like, yeah, that is a big deal.

Then it's kind of just sort of going through the motions telling the story.

Oh, it's more like, and then this happened instead of creating a world.

Yeah, I mean, he could have probably written another 5,000 pages on just his relationship with Bobby Kennedy.

Yeah.

Did he like him or no?

No, they hated each other.

The brother.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What do you think about the brother?

RFK hated LBJ.

They hated each other.

What was the reason?

Well,

I guess

Kennedy had like a, he ran like a tight ship.

You know, in his campaign, it was all younger people.

It was like a young.

That was like the first young candidate for president.

LBJ ran him against him in 1960 in the primaries.

But LBJ was also among the liberal Democrats, there was this, I mean, that was right, it was while the party was splitting up and the conservatives were going to the Republican Party.

But the perception of him was that at his core, he was still just a southern like segregationist that did what

you know.

So the Kennedys like put that out there about him.

I don't know if they put it out there about him necessarily, but but RFK was always like mistrusting of LBJ.

And then when he was in the administration, because it was a gamble for him to take the like the math that LBJ did, it's like he could stay in the Senate as

Senate majority leader where he had immense power, or he could take

the

vice presidential nomination

and

even up until Al Gore, the vice president did nothing basically.

And if he took that job, then it's like

he has no power at all, and he's basically just banking on Kennedy dying.

Wow.

Like that's what he was.

Yeah, he was like, if you look at it, a lot of presidents have fucking died.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, and he's like, this guy's sick all the time.

You know, this seems to be my shot.

A lot of them die.

Yeah.

It's like,

like 45% probably.

Yeah, it's a lot.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I think it is over 10% of them that get die.

That just die in office.

Yeah, or get shot and killed.

Yeah.

Well, it's interesting that they wouldn't bring that in the campaign.

It's like, that shows you the class that a presidential campaign used to have, that they're like, if this was true about them, that they're, oh, we're not going to bring this up.

We're not going to show them that he's this person.

Like, immediately would be an ad right away.

The worst thing that this person's done is immediately

just downtrodden upon.

It feels like there was like some gentlemanliness to do that.

I don't think there ever was.

It was campaigns back then.

It's like, oh, we wouldn't ever say that about him in public.

Well, it's also, I mean, it's like a primary race.

It was between, and this is like, I mean, some of the states had primaries, but it's mainly something, you know, it's like we just saw that.

It's like it's decided by the party rather than people.

It was at the convention back then?

Yeah.

A lot of horse trading.

Yeah, a lot of horses.

A lot of slave trading.

A lot of animals getting moved around.

Yeah.

You think he killed Jack?

Do I think LBJ did?

Or no?

No, it was Israel.

Come on.

If it was anybody, it was Israel.

Come on, dude.

What?

Israel didn't exist until like 1996.

That's true.

Yeah.

It was a dual release with Space Jam.

They dropped Space Jam.

Michael Jordan came up with his release.

Yeah, he was heavily involved in both.

Bugs came up with his bugs.

What you mean, Jews get their own country, bugs?

It's so funny to imagine Michael Jordan having to spend like two months talking to no one in front of cameras.

Yeah, just in a room being like, that's funny, Bugs Bunny.

Okay, let's go again.

It's an empty chair.

Oh, man.

And then they remade it with LeBron now.

I haven't seen it.

I didn't see it.

I saw it.

Was it decent?

No.

The first one was...

It was good to watch.

The original one's not good.

A lot of IP.

It's okay.

For a kid, it's good, I think.

Maybe, yeah.

Yeah, I think it was good for...

Wait, could a kid now watch it?

Would a kid now give a shit about it?

Probably not.

Maybe not.

They're a baby.

I mean, it's cartoons.

Yeah.

They probably like it.

His arm stretches when he does the jump.

Lola Bunny was a fox.

Yeah, I mean,

people people got mad about it.

We have a buck culture now, I think.

I think that was the start of it.

People seeing that bunny ass, and now it's all furries and ass.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

We were in a tits era back.

Yeah, it's funny.

People are like, where did furries come from?

It's like

Disney's portfolio.

Yeah, it's from Everybody Wants.

Jasmine.

No, there's that scene in Lion King where the lions are basically fucking each other after they get pubes.

Yeah.

You remember that?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and the stocker comes back and he's like, my dick got big.

Yeah, Nala's fire.

Right, and then they're like, the lions are like making out in a pond.

Yeah, yeah, with romantic music.

Yeah, and Alan John's playing.

And at that point in your life, you've never seen human love on TV.

That's the first thing you've ever seen.

And then, like, and I'm not trying to be homophobic here, but probably gay guy that was like, what if we had a scene where, like, you know, institutions, and kids will love it.

Yeah, you know, we'll get Tim Collins

and drums.

Yeah.

I mean, they really got rid of all the sexy cartoons.

Yeah, no, they're not.

I think Moana was the last sexy one.

Sure.

I think Stitch was the last sexy one.

Yeah, Stitch is a safer bet.

Stitch was the last piece of ass, dude.

Yeah, maybe Monsters Inc., depending on how you swing.

Yeah, yeah.

I think.

All the cartoon characters now are like theater kids, or maybe it's the other way around.

But they all have like that, like, like theater kid, you know, like look.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's like it's a bizarre thing where the cartoons are bad at acting.

Right.

So I don't understand how

to possibly.

How did you draw somebody over acting right now?

Oh, man.

You have anything coming up?

Anything you want to plug?

I'm off the road for until 2025 for the most part.

I got a big show.

It's woke culture.

Yeah, that's what it is.

I'm waiting to see

once my man gets back in office.

We'll be able to get it.

Once the boys are back in town,

I have to go the Jay Leno route just to have cars.

Yeah, as your babies.

I never like the touch of a woman.

It's my cause.

I asked CAA, I was like, can you get me in that garage?

Just to meet him?

Just to meet him, hang out in the garage, have him explained.

Is he okay?

What do you mean?

He's a terrible...

Yeah, he had a car accident or something.

Oh, yeah.

His face got burned off by f gasoline.

Has anyone seen what he looks like now?

It revealed a normal chin underneath it.

I remember when we were doing those monologues,

there was some joke about his face getting burned off.

I remember liking the joke, and now I can't remember what it was.

He's just a chin now.

Yeah.

He lost everything but the joke.

No, it was better.

He was just a talking chin.

No, I don't remember the joke.

I'm sure it was better than that.

At liquidiv.com.

Yeah.

I feel bad for Jay.

Jay strong.

Shout out to Jay.

Jay Lano with Faith got burned off by gatholine.

Did you hear me?

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky boomed.

Have you seen this?

Have you heard about this?

Man, a gathole.

The man, apparently, everyone says the best in the biz.

Oh, yeah.

That's what they say.

That's what they say.

I mean, his YouTube channel is great.

Nick has a lot of respect for his car knowledge.

What about Seinfeld?

Well, it's his collection and it's like he has an emotional relationship.

It's mainly the way the content's produced.

Yeah.

He fucks the cars.

Yeah, it's fun.

Yeah.

Should see his OnlyFans.

Have you ever fucked the Chevy Nova?

That's good.

The exhaust pipes, this double-wide.

He has an OnlyFans where he fucks the cars.

You ever see that documentary about those guys that fuck cars?

No.

There's like one guy that wears like a

Fargo hats.

Poor guy.

Yeah, that fucks cars.

And he comes out to his dad as fucking a car.

Wow, his dad's like, well,

I wasn't around much.

Better to me than gay.

He's like, probably it's my fault.

I'm glad you're just not a fuckable daughter.

At least you ain't a Chevy guy.

At least you're not a fucking Kardashian.

Yeah, thank God.

Anything but that.

Thanks for joining us today.

Appreciate it, man.

Yeah.

Thanks for having me a lot.

Good to see you.

All right, a lot of fun.

We'll see you next week.

Oh, yeah.

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