The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Gavin Matts - Episode 72

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That was her like big break.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Yeah, is because she got fat as shit for the movie.

Really?

She gained like, yeah, like she's, I only know her as a skinny lady.

100 kilos.

No way.

I don't

know if that's even fat.

I think I'm like, what are you, like, 60 kilos?

80 kilos?

I think I'm 73 kilos.

Yeah.

What does that?

You don't have to say your weight.

It's like 160 kilos.

You don't have to say your weight, even though you're saying it.

Yeah, I'm 100%.

I'm like, I could never know.

I'm like, I only know the pounds, and I actually should only know metric.

Well, Canada doesn't.

Do they use kilograms?

No, I mean, I mean, if you go to the doctor, yeah.

We're starting.

Oh, good.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.

Adam is out of town in England.

Oh, good for him.

We're Ireland.

He's doing shows this weekend somewhere, some theater.

The Soho Playhouse?

I think so, yeah.

Soho Theater Playhouse.

Little boys play

play pen.

I wish we were there.

Yeah.

But that's going on this weekend.

I'm sure he would like you guys to know that because he's a master of the craft.

It was funny.

He almost did the the podcast last.

There was like a scheduling thing, and I couldn't be here for the podcast last week.

And then we ended up doing it anyways.

But he was like, gonna do it.

And I was like, well, I gotta, I should do it last week because I got tickets.

So I'm at Irvine this weekend.

Oh, cool.

And I've sold like, yeah, it's a massive room.

I've sold maybe a hundred tickets.

I've been there before.

It's like, you know, I've like barely sold tickets for the thing.

And so I'm like, man, I got to be on the show to promote.

And then he's like, well, if like if we delay, then I won't, and I won't be able to promote my show.

Yeah.

It's like

a hotel, sold out five shows already.

Irvine is so big.

You know, a place that has a Buffalo Wild Wings is huge.

Do they have a Buffalo Wild Wings?

I think so.

Well, I just went there and opened for a comic, and they were like, we got to go early because I don't want to beat traffic.

And then they had like nine beers at Buffalo Wild Wings.

That's rough.

It was rough.

It was like my first paid gig in the U.S.

This dude's just hammering back beers and also drove me there,

drank during the show, and then drove home.

Totally fine, which is actually scary.

did he live in orange county or something no he lived in los angeles but we drove there for the show oh that's who's driving there every night

drunk but completely fine yeah and that's actually scarier than if somebody was that's like a long shitty drive too yeah like with traffic before

i was completely terrified because the i remember last time i did the feature was they were telling me it's like yeah it's like a two and a half hour drive if you hit rush hour

and it's like it's too far yeah i wouldn't do that you think it's lost you think it's in LA, but it's not.

Yeah.

Even when I lived in Austin, when I would like to feature in San Antonio, I would just

sleep on the floor of the

hotel.

You like San Antonio?

No, it's the worst city in Texas.

So bad.

Actually, Austin might be worse than San Antonio now.

Yeah, maybe now.

But San Antonio, when it rains, it like floods.

The ranking is like El Paso is the lowest.

That's not even.

Never been.

It's a dumb place.

Dump.

And then either San Antonio or Austin

You pick one.

Okay, then Dallas then Houston.

Yeah, Houston school.

Houston's the best one Houston school.

I shot guns there.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it was the only time I ever shot a gun indoor or outdoor ranch indoor

and this big Chinese guy taught me how to he like came over to us and he was like I'm I'm worried about you kids and taught it gave us like a shooting lesson.

He was a fat Chinese Texan.

Fat Chinese Texan and he taught us how to shoot.

And then as we were leaving, he was like punching the vending machine.

Like as like practice or something?

No, he had like

some snacks stuck in there and he couldn't get it out, which I thought was funny.

He like got mad at me because I didn't know how to reload a gun properly.

But then he couldn't get the chips out of the vending machine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, he got mad at you for not...

Isn't he the instructor?

No, he was.

I didn't hire him or anything.

He came over to us like oh we didn't like ask he just kind of pulled up on us uh-huh he's like

he's like listen partner I'm the fat Chinese feller yeah you sound like that sounds like you don't really know what you're doing over here it sounded like he was masking his normal voice with like a Texan voice yeah okay all right well I'll help you out folks but I got an appointment with some famous Amos fellers over here I got a vending machine I got you know I get upset when I don't have my cookies yeah so

yeah you know me.

I'm the fat Chinese guy.

I'm the fat Chinese guy.

You close your eyes, you know what you see right now.

It's a fat Chinese guy.

Partner, you know what I love?

Go ahead.

Dumplings.

Dumplings.

I can't get enough of them.

Something about them.

How the hell do they get the pork inside the noodle?

God damn if I know.

Well, salute to the troops, General Soz.

And

a gods to everyone out there doing karate today.

We'll make sure our karate boys are kept safe in the dojo.

You know, like.

Because they're in the dojo protecting our rights.

They're trying to take our rights from us, so we got to go to the dojo, sit cross-legged.

Roundhouse kicking the Taliban.

We're going to think about things.

Taliban.

Musad.

We can stay on Fat Chinese Guy for probably the rest of the show.

Yeah, that's pretty good, honestly.

I feel like we're both feeling fat Chinese Texan.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, like Matthew McConaughey and dazed and confused, but it's modern day.

Uh-huh.

So he's like, you know, you know, like,

oh, that's what I love about high school girls.

You know, I get older.

Wait, what the hell is happening?

I get older.

What they get.

They say the same age.

Or in other words,

me rack you wrong time.

Hey, I'm the fat Chinese guy.

All right, I'll raccoon wrong time.

Yes, I will be in Irvine.

This weekend, please come out.

You know, I kind of

have fun, though.

You have fun.

I always have fun when nobody comes.

When the showroom's like mostly empty and you go out, those are real people.

Well, it's not that they're real people.

Those are the true fans.

It's like, whatever.

I already fucked up.

Yeah.

See, when I see that.

I already blew it.

Now I can just have fun.

Mine's the opposite.

If I go and there's nobody, I'm like, fuck, I suck.

Just because, you know, when it hasn't been like full ever, you're like, and sometimes you'll hit a city and I'm like, man, I sell good in that city.

I noticed that.

But like, I'm in Boston on Saturday and I'm like almost sold out, but I'm like, you know, I was in New York.

You were in Laugh Boston?

No, I'm doing this little, like, it's Rockwell Theater.

It's like a 200-seat.

Oh, that's it.

It's in Somerville.

I'm at the Wilbur next weekend.

Oh, sick.

Yeah.

I think there's still tickets available for that.

Yeah, go to the battle.

That's a cool theater.

You know, Marlon Brando used to live there, apparently.

Really?

Yes.

When they did a picture of it.

I like him because

he sucked.

There's a picture of it.

Yeah.

Have you seen that?

Oh, I've seen that.

Yeah.

I think every guy should see that.

And it's funny because it's like an old-timey picture.

So they had that, you know, there was like a whole setup with the curtain, and then they had to hold that pose.

Well, if you show somebody that now, they'd just think that was AI.

Yeah, it wasn't me.

No, because I saw it when it was was supposed to.

You're like, it seems like it would be made up.

You're like, you telling me Marlon Brando?

It's G AI, pal, is what it is.

GAI.

Damn.

I'm gay artificial intelligence.

Uh-huh.

Probably you wait until artificial intelligence is like a little older and it's going to be all gay.

Artificial intelligence?

Yeah.

Just like how the human

race has become more gay.

Yeah.

Eventually AI also becomes a game.

I don't think it's become more more gay.

I think they kind of decided gay was bad.

It's

yeah, you know, who made that up?

Well,

probably what happened is there was some sort of gay disease you could get.

Yeah, the monkey thing, which is like well, before like there was something, probably something like AIDS, like oh, like monkey pox or something, something like 500 years ago or something.

And they didn't have a theory of like disease.

Yeah.

So they were like, well, it has to be behavioral then.

So this is probably.

It's so weird because there's also you get diseases from women, but we were never like, that's gross.

It could also be the Bible or something, maybe.

Yeah, the Bible definitely.

Because the Greeks, you know, I mean, there was all

kinds of gay shit happening all the time.

I mean, the thing that's like does the most detrimental to the like kind of gay community or agenda is that women can procreate.

So you say you need them for life.

Don't kill them or what?

No, you don't kill them, but you can just be like, if you're somebody that even if you're like, you weren't really a free-thinking person, you'd be like, okay, well, women, if I have sex with them, it makes another thing.

Yeah.

But if I have sex with a guy,

it's just fun.

You just got to wear your stupidity like a snowplow.

Just drive straight through the daycare center.

I don't know.

You know, it's like detrimental to the

and the gay agenda.

I guess.

Yeah.

I can't, like, we're, I feel like like we're at the point where, I mean, I don't know because I'm checked out.

And that's the best part.

I'm like offline completely.

You don't know what's going on.

Well, I'm actually just, I'm more than that.

It's like I'm not off the grid necessarily.

It's just my inputs are, I play God of War.

Ragnarok?

Yes.

Again?

You beat it and you go again?

No, not.

Yeah, I just did.

I just beat it.

Oh, cool.

I only started playing it like a month ago.

Congratulations.

And then I'll like, I read these Lyndon Johnson books that I'm almost done with, so I have to find a new book to read.

The Robert Carroll ones?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I have no idea what's going on outside of that.

I don't get like any kind of,

and so in my mind, it's like, I forget, maybe it's just that's what podcasting is or whatever, but like

talking about the gay age or what's happening to gay people or any of that.

So I'm like, does anyone give a fuck about any of this?

Are people still doing that?

Talking about it?

Talking about all these things.

Well, no, I was just thinking of the election.

I don't care.

Is anyone voting?

Not me.

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know.

It is the same thing over and over again.

Yeah, I don't.

It is.

And it's been the same.

It's been looped, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, we were saying before, it's just the same over and over.

Mm-hmm.

But not if you, not if video games are.

Well, you mean like you can always find a new game.

There is a new game.

I would be playing.

I'm playing red dead too oh yeah I never

than God of war ragnarok I know I actually because I only just got a PS5 and then I played God of War beat that

and now I'm on to Red Dead did you play the first God of War or which one or just like but the one that came out in 2018 yeah

okay yeah I played that one when it came out and then I bought a PS5 a year ago that came with Ragnarok and I never played it cool because I was like should I go back and play the first one and max out all the stat, even though it doesn't carry over?

It's pretty fun.

It's so nice.

It's so relaxing.

It is.

I like that there's always another conversation that Ed is having.

I'm not like good at games either, but this one I was like, I'm putting it on the hardest difficulty.

I'm going to see what's going to happen.

I did not do that.

I'm 35 years old.

I'm 35.

I should be able to beat the hardest difficulty.

I grinded it out, dude.

Nice.

Every single...

It would be like there would be like a bug that would one.

you would go around a corner and it's like oh look out there's a little bug oh the bugs three and a half hours restarting it and they're like in the air shooting at you and i'm like ah you got to step on it and that's the trick i thought you'd let it bite you sometimes

you're like you feel like you should even be more invincible than you are in the game yeah i mean it kind of even in the game world it kind of breaks through because you see you have to be able to die the game has to be hard i know it's but then the premise like they they kind of fuck themselves with the game.

That's why Red Dead's good because you're just a guy and a cowboy.

Just a cowboy.

Trying to avoid the police.

But then they make all these games where you're like, yeah, so you're like a superhuman, transdimensional god that can be killed by a rock, basically.

A rock that falls on his head.

Yeah, Red Dead is confusing, though, because

you'll just be in the wild and something will happen.

It'll be like you'll watch a guy pan for gold

and then you rob him and kill him.

And then there's a witness, and they go to report the crime.

And then if they report the crime, like six dudes on a horse will show up.

Yeah.

And you're like, what the, where the, how did you get here so fast?

Well, they were around, they were just on the other side of the mountain.

Oh.

They're rangers.

They're patrolling.

Making sure nothing.

It's a very tiny world, too.

It feels big.

It feels big, but then you think about it, you're like, if this was real life, this is like

the size of

the wood, basically.

Yeah, it's too immersive.

It is very immersive.

I played Red Dead Redemption 2 when we toured Australia.

That felt very much like sort of the pinnacle of because it was still

not really my life.

I don't, no.

Well,

no.

But

of the podcast, certainly.

And it was still when things were like, it was like, holy, this is crazy that we can tour the world with a dumb

podcast.

Totally.

And now I'm like, what do you mean I can't tour the world?

What do you mean I can't afford the deluxe edition of God of War Ragnarok?

Yeah.

And then boom, boom, boom.

It's going to film with nobody.

It's going to get tough because games are going to get more expensive.

It's going to get more expensive.

But the,

no, I got back and then I was like left with, you know, you do something big and then you're kind of depressed because you're like, oh, I'm still a piece of shit.

Yeah, and you're like, oh, it'll never happen ever again.

It's not that it'll never happen ever again.

It's just that it's like, but you know, it's that feeling of that.

Sort of, maybe something like that.

I have that sometimes.

I mean, it was probably just jet lag that like started, it triggered like, I was like just depressed for a couple of days.

And then I sunk really low into it and got very much into Red Dead Redemption 2.

And I spent like two and a half months.

I played as far enough into the story.

I looked it up online.

I'm like, how far into the story do you have to get before you can grow the beard out to level 10?

It's like the first two chapters you have to get get past.

Whoa.

Did you know that?

Are you that far into it?

I actually shaved like

dude.

I like to shave it, and I'm like, oh, I need my guy to look at it.

Now you'll never have the beard.

If you shave once, there's not enough time to grow the fucking beard out.

You got to be on the hair tonics and fucking like, you got to just be full.

I like him to look crisp.

Like, I changed his outfit.

No, I like reloaded a save.

I saw a comment on Reddit that was like, yeah, if you shave, it's not going to grow out by the time you get to the end of the story.

That's dope.

And I fucking, fucking, I went back, I reloaded an old save.

I wasted like probably

something like 35 hours of gameplay.

I went back to an old one, and I was like, I'm getting that beard.

And I've

does it touch the ground?

What's that?

How big does it?

It gets insane.

The mustache alone is like.

I was taking a look at Easter Arthur more than

I was like,

level 10 mustache and beard.

Arthur is like very much a contemporary of the mystical Chinese guy at the shooting range.

That's the other thing about that game.

Now that I think about it,

there's no black people in it, really.

There's like just Javier, and he's kind of like a twofer.

And there's Charlie is First Nation.

That's Charlie.

Yeah.

Which one is the one that's Native American and black?

Oh.

Oh, I forget his name.

Isn't that Javier?

No, Javier Escuela.

He's a Mexican guy.

He's a Mexican guy.

Yeah.

Then Charlie is the one that's...

The Native American guy is half black.

Yeah,

maybe.

There might be two different.

There might be another black guy.

That's how you can tell how good the game was, is that they were like, they made it, they were extremely racist about it.

Any other game, they'd be like, this game kind of sucks.

I think one of the cowboys should be like a gender fluid, you know, 12.

Right.

I mean, this is kind of almost feels like before all that.

No, no, that game came out six months ago.

Time.

Yeah, but no, I loved it.

I tried to play it again.

I tried to go back.

You didn't go back?

Well, it doesn't transfer your save file over from

PS4 to PS5.

So I loaded it up on PS5,

and then it's like snowing.

And it's like, I forgot how boring the beginning of the game is.

Oh, the beginning is so

before you get to that first camp when it's like press triangle to move the box of cigarettes to the side to see what Sadie's note says.

When it's teaching you things like that, this is so stupid.

I've been actually doing some of that stuff.

And it's some of the shit they gave up on in games of like trying to do immersion by having you, it's like use the control stick to move your eyes across the page, you know, where it's like, you know, like that kind of stuff.

They did a bit of that in God of War.

There's like a dream sequence where you have to like take paint out of somebody's hand.

And it's like, this is not i don't feel like i'm there taking the paint yeah

like i'm supposed to be like triangle oh my gosh yeah right it was my hand yeah right yeah

um

so that was but yeah maybe maybe now i'll maybe after i get this little run of shows done after irvine and the last theater shows then it's smooth sailing from there on out because i'm back back in the the clubs back in the clubs yeah where it really doesn't matter is that where you're you're going back down yeah i'm going back down I saw it, you know, in the Matrix when they go over and they see the light?

Yeah.

Like,

last year it was like, because, you know, my agents are telling me, yeah, you do this, you do that.

You know, you can, you can, like, make, and so it was like, okay, we'll pull up.

And I see the sky.

And I did maybe one or two theater shows.

And I'm like, oh, my God, it's beautiful.

And then right back down, and I'm just being stabbed by electronics.

Like the scene in The Matrix.

I know, but the key is to never see that.

Yeah.

You've seen that.

I have.

It's no different.

It doesn't make a difference.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, clubs are more fun.

Clubs are more fun.

Clubs are more fun.

I love a club.

I love a small black box, maybe like 60 seats.

Just so I can kind of be in the business.

There's nothing more fun than performing for five,

ten people.

Free tickets, too.

That's the other thing.

Oh, yeah.

Post, post, and post that it's 50% off.

When I have to bark before a show,

do you want to come in here?

It's like, I know this guy, dude.

Yeah.

I spent an hour dragging him out of his own pile of vomit in front of the sushi restaurant.

Of course.

And then I'm on stage and I've almost created the fourth wall that didn't exist between us when I was barking for him to come in.

And now I've pretended we have him, Matt.

Yeah.

You know what would be nice?

I hope I end up as one of those comics.

Did you have it in Vancouver where there'd be like a comic that was famous in the 80s?

As famous as a a comedian could be.

Oh, my God.

And then

they start coming around the scene again.

And

they don't have any respect for themselves.

They don't have respect for anybody or the thing.

Yeah, and they're kind of just checking to see if, like, well,

maybe

you'll respect me?

No?

Okay, great.

I mean, when I was starting, there was a, and I'm going to do a big, I'm going to do a big name drop here, so, you know, watch your feet, you know?

But there was a comic, Ron Vaudry.

Oh, man, this guy.

A legend, he would wear like a peaky blinders cap.

And he was kind of like, he was maybe like 65.

And

he used Arsenio Hall show as his credit.

Yeah.

But he actually was never on the Arsenio show.

He was on like the pract, the test episode.

Yeah.

And so me as like a 20-year-old, I used to just bully this old man

whose entire life hadn't turned out.

The woman that co-created the daily show that's her like credit she says that all the time i forget her name it's i want to say elizabeth smart but i think that was that little girl that got kidnapped or it was like a woman ceo or something yeah that sounds like somebody

it's a woman that the craig kilbourne she was like one of the co-

not the main lady but there was another lady but she showed up in austin at one point and she was like one of those famous older comics but the bigger one was barry sobel

who was on rodney dangerfield's Young Comedian special, which is like Robert Schimmel, Andrew Dice Clay, Bill Hicks.

You know, it's like all these legends.

And Barry Sobel, who did, he was like, he was just, he just did like Beastie Boys.

Yeah.

Basically, he was like the Beastie Boys.

Like in terms of bit and like his style.

His style, he was like a like.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

Yeah, he was like a kid.

He was a proto-wigger from New York.

Cool.

I like him.

Yeah, yeah.

I I like that.

And that sounds good to me, though.

Barry Bell.

Yeah, wear a beanie.

Oh, you should have said so.

He would wear a beanie and stuff.

But then I don't know what he did really in the 90s.

I'm sure he's around, but he ended up in Austin.

What was he rapping with down there?

And then he was actually pretty chill.

He wasn't like...

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, but

he got bullied because he, well, I don't want to.

It's his own personal business, but let's just say there was still plenty of homophobia

in in 2009 or whatever maybe that's why his my roommate career didn't work out my roommate would go around and be like that guy's gay and it would be like

well see this is what's detrimental to you right

because he can't pro-create yeah yeah there's no use for him he's like that's what i was saying but we know a lot of gay people and it's like yeah but they're they're honest about it that's oh he's

oh see the problem that's so that's funny that's kind of he's like don't if you're gonna be gay don't be a down low gay guy.

Let me know.

That's kind of what happened.

And then the last I ever saw from him is like he posted on Facebook.

He's like, this is fucking ridiculous.

Like, I thought this was a progressive city.

And I'm like, damn, now I made it weird just because I don't want to say that I'm gay.

I'll make Boston weird.

But yeah, then the only thing I remember about him is he had like

the thing that was weird about him is he had this like cartoon that he was like

the cartoon had a name and he would post it on the internet and it was like the alien boy.

And it's like this weird, shitty drawing that kind of looked like

the ranger from...

Have you ever seen Wizards?

The Ralph Bakshi movie?

No, he's...

Yeah, was it The Knight or The Ranger?

Yeah, the Red Guy?

The Red Guy, yeah.

And so he would post that cartoon, and it would rebrand everything with this cartoon.

And I didn't know if the cartoon was supposed to be him or like what.

It was like his thing.

I don't know.

It never made any sense to me.

And it was like so bizarre, I never bothered asking.

He's just early on in content creation.

I guess, yeah,

yeah, that's probably what it was.

I mean, he's just trying to get his like

show off.

It was weird in a way where I didn't understand it in the way that now that I'm old and I see things that young people do, and I'm like, I don't understand this, but I know that it's he was ahead of his time.

Well, that it's something that it's just my problem, you know.

Like, I'm sure this makes sense to a lot of people.

Um, and with that being said, today's episode is brought to you by mybookie.ag.

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And to that, I'll say that it is time to start betting on football.

And that's the fun thing about football season is you can just bet.

You can just bet.

Don't even watch the games.

They changed all the names of the teams.

They literally just bet.

All this woke culture gone them up.

They changed all the names of the teams.

Or the Cleveland.

Now it's the.

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

The Cleveland fucking.

fucking, what the hell is that?

The Yahoos.

You probably can't even say that anymore.

You can't say that.

That's who they got rid of.

You probably can't even say that anymore.

You can't even say Yahoo or what?

You can't say the N-word.

You can't say Yahoo.

You can't say that for sure.

Do not say that.

And nothing in between either.

Yeah.

The sad thing is you want to say it.

You wish that was a team name.

Houston Texans, probably the only safe name.

Which is odd.

How long before that big Chinese guy says, wait a minute, the hell kind of Texan are you talking about?

Yeah, what kind of Texan?

Yeah,

it's hard when you have to do a mix and you can't see it.

I know you,

I know,

I almost didn't go enough Texan.

Yeah, because they do exist.

I've said it before on the show, but and people outside of New York aren't exposed to it, but Chinatown has its own type of New York Chinese guy accent that's awesome.

It's like the best accent.

They're like, yeah, well,

what do you think about doing for lunch later?

You want to come hang out down at my place?

That's so good.

I know.

It's cool.

That's so good.

It's the coolest voice you'd ever hear.

Nah, you go to mybookie.ag, you can bet on any fucking game you want.

Yeah.

He's slightly like Italian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like a Chinese New York guy.

Chinese New York.

Hey, listen, asshole.

Yeah.

Let me tell you, you'll come in here.

Hey, you know, I say, like, man, Adam, he's doing trying his best.

Is that good?

He's fucking up, isn't he?

Yeah, someone.

What's going on?

The NYPD's under federal investigation, and now they've murdered somebody in the subway.

Yeah, the FBI is looking at some offices.

Yeah, but then they also...

Yes, that was two days ago.

Somebody did like

a fare evasion, and then three people got shot.

He pulled a knife.

Three people got shot by the cops.

And also one officer got shot by a police officer.

But it was like it was like announced as like subway shooting.

So you'd be like, oh, my God.

There was a shooting on the subway.

Yeah.

But then you're like, then it's like, but then it's police were doing this shit.

It's funny because there was like a couple years there where homeless people were killing people on the train.

And people were like, oh, maybe.

Maybe like the problem is homeless people and not cops, you know, like maybe somebody that's in the middle on the issue.

And then in one day, the police just catch up.

Yeah, yeah.

They just erase four years of homeless progress

in terms of them being the problem.

They could have easily just pinned it on the homeless and kept it moving.

Yeah, I say they should just dress the cops like homeless people, like they're agents in the Matrix.

Oh, good.

And at any moment, a homeless person could.

I guess we got rid of the plain clothes department.

Here's what I would do because I'm a shrewd legislator.

I'm a shrewd person.

You're known as a shrewd legislator.

Shrewd bureaucrat.

I would say, well, hold on now.

They banned plain clothes.

What about shitted up clothes?

What about sweatpants covered in feces and navel?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and all over.

All over.

And then you have the poof.

And then you kind of know who the cop is.

Yeah.

You know how it'll be like a cop in a new era-fitted and like the boots, and you're like, dude, it's a fucking cop of the protest.

They all dress like fucking Herc from the Wire.

Yeah.

And now they're starting like, that's me.

I think that's a cop.

Yeah.

How would you know that?

Well, he's covered and smells like shit.

But they they got rid of that.

They don't do plain clothes anymore.

No, they don't do plain clothes.

Yeah.

And that's why you got to go to mybookie.com.

Yeah.

Oh, right.

Mybookie.com.

And have fun with it so the read is genuine and natural.

Talk about your own personal experiences with gambling and related to the brand.

Oh, my.

I gambled on the U.S.

Open and then

I lost money and I just got mad.

So I was like, I can't really.

I have to do more of this.

I lost fucking $1,000 on the movie Challengers.

Oh, because they didn't show it going in.

Well, no, I came in my pants about 30 minutes in.

Oh, okay.

I thought the bet was whether or not you were going to see them have sex in the movie.

I know, everybody.

But it was just like, I make a bet with the guy at the ticket booth.

I bet I'm not going to come.

Tell you what, Eduardo, not this time.

I mean, he says,

he said, Mr.

Mullen, I will happily take you a money.

That's why I don't go to the movies anymore.

It's cost me $1,000 a piece.

$1,000 every movie.

Yeah.

That's why you didn't see Beetlejuice yet.

Oh, no.

But you saw Alien Romney?

I lost $2,000.

The second time I hear Beetlejuice, I'm coming again.

It's more the words that do it to me than anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's the overwhelming, you know, Dolby Atmos experience.

It's so loud.

Yeah, it makes me.

When I go see a movie in 40X,

my prostate explodes and leaks out of my anus all over the sea.

When it shakes around?

Yeah, right.

Does it ever spray you with air?

I think they have that now.

There's like, they have like fog and stuff.

They do.

I remember I did like some 4D movie as a, you know, it's not new technology.

It's like ideas from the 50s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I saw like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids 4D.

I don't know where this was or something, and there was a part with a bunch of mice, and it sprays the air.

Like there's mice on the ground,

and it did really feel like mice.

Yeah.

And I remember that freaked me out.

You know, you don't want mice on your feet.

I guess we're also at 4DX

at mybookie.ag where you can use promo code

Adam100

Adam 100.

Adam 100.

Adam100.

And

just start gambling, folks.

I mean, look, the Fed just cut the rate.

Money is going to be cheaper than ever.

To not gamble right now,

that's a gamble.

You're losing money.

To not gamble is to gamble.

That's,

I believe that is a rush lyric.

Canadian.

Canadian band, legends.

And if you don't gamble, you're still taking a chance that you might lose money that you could have won.

I think, right?

Yeah.

You would know.

I saw a rush once.

Like on the street?

No.

I went to a concert.

Oh, okay.

They only played their new music.

Well, you know where else you can go to a concert?

At mybookie.ag.

Wait, what?

A concert of savings.

What?

On gambling.

Winning season is back, and it's your time to shine.

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So that's Adam

100.

And yeah, football is back.

Let me get to the part.

They get this fucking deposit thing where you deposit, They match your deposit up to $1,000.

Oh, and they're your first, your first.

Oh, and then you get like 10 casino coins or something.

Also,

that's great.

But it does feel like it's time to gamble again.

Yeah.

Because it prepares you for being a big-time player in the stock market.

You got to start on the ground floor, which is scratching.

It goes gambling and then stock market.

And then options straight.

And then option.

Yeah.

That's that's what I actually say I'm offline, but I do check a bunch of Reddits.

And

the whole culture of like

Reddit investing, I guess centered around like Wall Street bets and stuff,

is there's people that like the cult.

They like the aesthetic of it, right?

So they get involved, but then it's like they lose all their money.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And it's so funny because they get into it because there's people in Wall Street.

Because they just want to say the words.

Yeah.

That those guys, they're like, they're like, lost porn.

check this out.

I'm getting divorced.

You know, it's like,

they just want a community.

So, like, even getting a, like, opening a fucking E-Trader Robinhood account and not knowing what the fuck you're doing and blowing like your life savings.

Yeah.

And then they're like, oh, the boys are going to want to hear about this one, dude.

And your wife's like, what the fuck?

I fucked it up.

And you're like, you're like, honey, I finally have friends that aren't just your whore friends, boyfriends.

And those guys suck I hate them

unless they're on Wall Street bets wouldn't that be nice to find out that we're all we're all secretly fighting all like the little guy with the sunglasses and the winds blowing and that's me I'm part of a community now the mic like that yeah now listen we're gonna have to sell your clothes

well I can't be naked I'm then I'm an investor I have I have done that multiple times in my life sold all your clothes sold all my no like gone on a reddit that's like crypto and been like, what the, what do I need to do?

I need to get ahead now.

Yeah, it's tragic that that's, that's how life is.

I'm like, there must be something on you.

In like 1500 years, if you're going to look back on like this shit, like people look at like, I don't know, what is the Inquisition?

Or like, you know, they're like, yeah, everyone was illiterate and they had to eat their own shit.

And you're like, why did people do that?

And then...

Why did everyone invest so much money in cryptocurrency?

I mean, the whole fucking thing.

The whole thing where it's like, yeah, you know, you lived in a house,

and there's plenty of them.

There's plenty of houses.

A lot of them, nobody people didn't even live in them.

And it doesn't matter.

If you don't, like, pay a guy every month,

you're going to be homeless.

Yes.

You know?

And people are going to say.

People will be like,

why did they do that?

Yeah.

Why didn't everybody just have a home?

Right.

Yeah.

Why did we make everyone do that?

They're already working and paying.

And it's everything fight, like, like that's a,

my, because I'm not a smart guy, but my wake-up call was when I watched WALL-I, and at the end, they show you that spaceship with all the fat people plugged into iPads, you know, and they had to learn how to feel from the robot.

Of course.

And I looked at that fat spaceship filled with people staring at iPads, and I said, is this supposed to be worse?

Yeah.

Is this supposed to be worse than what we already have?

Because I would take fat iPad guy

over no health health insurance.

Yeah, I'm just chilling on the ship, floating through space.

Yeah.

The worst you could say about that guy is he's bored.

That's funny.

That's what you thought in Wally.

That's the only thing I remember from Wally.

I just remember being like, are these robots going to fuck?

The girl robot?

Yeah.

No, because she's new, dude.

Wally could never get a new bitch.

He's old.

He's made out of garbage.

She gave him a flower, though.

Yeah.

She did.

But he's like, I can't fuck you.

You're like, he's like, we're from different worlds.

He's like, I'm a 45-year-old man.

I can't.

Not the first thing.

Yeah, and I want to.

She's like, I understand.

There's the power.

He's like, not even the power dynamic.

I don't even buy into any of that bullshit.

He's like, I just remember when you were born and what I was doing.

I was still

working in the fucking junkyard.

Nothing's fucking changed.

I'm just rusty now.

Yeah.

And so, no, I can't fuck you.

Nobody even checks on me.

Yeah.

And then you come here one time.

I don't even have a job in the junkyard.

I'm not sure.

It's just trash.

I collected the...

I found the plant for nothing.

I'm just trash.

I'm trash.

And I'm not being down on myself.

That is my designation and status in life.

Look how everyone was like, oh, man, Wally, man, we got to save the planet.

Sudan is like flooding.

You know what I mean?

Didn't help.

Yeah.

Sudan cannot catch a break.

No, they get the the mines, and now those are going to flood.

And I'm not even really sure what Sudan is, really.

I know

that it's in.

It's like, and this is going to sound

incredibly poorly informed.

Sure.

So it's just what?

It's just like a shittier version of Egypt?

It's just like...

It's like Egypt.

As shitty as Egypt is, it's like

Egypt was even shittier.

You like, imagine there weren't the tourist, the tourism of Egypt.

Right.

What are you going to Sedan for?

I don't know.

I guess you just pass through.

It's like a Midwestern state where they're like, oh, we have the biggest thimble in the world.

Do you want to see a giant frying pan?

They have something?

See this huge corn?

Yeah.

I guess what Sedan needs is a world's fair.

And that'll, like, I feel like they would really benefit from that.

If they had a Ferris wheel or something,

for the next 50 years,

it was just some old Sudanese piece of shit.

He was like, I was there when they opened the Ferris wheel.

I was the first in line and the operator, he took me in the back and he raped me.

But the day was magical.

And I'll never forget it.

It was a great day besides the rape.

Yeah.

Yeah, Sudan can't catch a break.

Yeah, Sudan's tough.

lebanon they just got a bunch of this pager thing the pagers exploded yeah i i look look look i know you i know how you feel about everything but i i

not everything no you're great

i kind of i kind of like this shit was kind of munich to me You like it?

That Mossad did that?

Because they got rid of their, they were like, oh, they're tracking us on our iPhone, so they got rid of their iPhones.

And then they got pagers, and they're like, damn, nothing could go wrong with this video.

But you do know how I feel.

I mean,

that reaction is the way.

Because I hate it.

Not even

outside of this incident, the way, like,

journalists are always looking for an excuse to

just suck off war.

You know what I mean?

And then people are like, this is like out of a James Bond movie.

Dude, this is like out of bombs and consumer electronics.

They killed two children.

Yeah.

And it's like, well, it's not like out of a James Bond movie because those are movies.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Like if I were to.

If I were to rape and murder a woman.

That's not out of Beatles.

I know.

People wouldn't be like, this is like out of Beatles.

This is like something out of

a scream movie.

No, I don't think.

They killed seven people in a row.

Yeah.

I don't think it's good.

I don't think it's good to put bombs

in a device that you could buy

at a kiosk in the mall

and then press a button and blow up 3,000 of them.

Well, I don't even understand how they did it.

I mean, I would imagine they had to, like, either...

I mean,

at some point somewhere else.

Was it that they had the pagers and gave them the pagers?

It had to be that original.

It was some kind of frequency shit.

Nah, there's no way you can make a...

If you watch those videos, there's no way you can make a pager blow up like that.

Yeah, I mean,

I have a bunch of lithium-ion batteries, and I get paranoid sometimes about them.

Well, you remember because it's just like Android phones exploding.

Yeah, yeah, I think it's called Thermal Runaway is the official name for a fucking because the lithium-ion batteries, they can get damaged.

There's no indication that they're damaged, and then they just blow the fuck up sometimes.

They don't have to be charging.

They don't have to be doing anything.

They can just be sitting there, and they can just fucking blow up.

But if you look at it, because that's what happens in the city with all these Chinese e-bikes, is like there's these e-bike shops.

Yes, they're all like exploding for a little bit, but now they're still there and it's fine it's like anything else there's all this stuff in the like New York City doesn't really have laws well you'll just see somebody walking around and they pull it out and then they're like walking around with a full-on like yeah battery which I'm always kind of like the thing is like the e-bikes like now we have this whole like industry of like seamless and food delivery and all this is a big part of New York's economy you know and it's like a huge portion of the working class in the city and you can't like just say say, oh, no more of

the one tool you have to do your job.

Yeah, and you also can't, I mean, I would love to get rid of those things, but they are people's jobs now.

Yeah, but those batteries are really not safe.

So I worry about it.

I've watched a bunch of videos of batteries exploding, and that's not that they don't blow up like that.

They kind of, they like, you know, they overheat, and then it's like, they ba-ba-ba-ba.

It's like fire coming out.

Okay.

Well, that's why all the places burn down then instead of exploding.

Right, yeah.

No, they burn it like fucking 3,000 degrees.

There's one like two blocks from me, and every time I walk by, it always feels crazy.

Yeah.

So many bikes in there.

Yeah.

You know what?

You know what you don't have to worry about is

if you don't have a pager,

maybe if you have a pager, it's time to get rid of that pager because it might have a bomb in it.

And instead, switch to a cell phone for Mint Mobile.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

Wow, Ryan Reynolds, Mint Mobile.

I love this stuff.

I don't, you know what?

It's funny.

No, that's funny.

When they sent us...

Pete, did we talk about that?

I think when they sent us, like, the Mint Mobile stuff, this episode is also brought to you by Mint Mobile.

And I think when they sent us this stuff, it was like initially it was like, talk about the Ryan Reynolds stuff.

I'm like, wait, so you're buying like ad space so that we can promote a different ad of yours?

They were like, yeah, they were like, talk about a better sponsor than you.

Yeah, that's the only thing I know about them is

he's in their thing.

Yeah.

And I guess I don't know if he owns it.

I don't understand the affiliation.

Oh, he owns it.

Oh.

Am I having, am I like making something?

Was this a dream I had?

Or did that?

Why can't actors just be actors?

Why do they also have to own all this stuff?

Because, like everybody else,

everybody wants to not do anything.

And the easiest way to not do anything is to be a business owner.

and then you just fucking collect checks and then people buy shit other people make the stuff that they buy like I like maintain it

and you get because you took the capital risk or you're famous or whatever then you get

that's why you have some percentage of the company automatically just being off the face of the happier than somebody that owns four or five wing stop locations

you know what I mean that's all it takes really

just you own, it's like, then what's the worst that happens?

The wings suck.

That was an understanding going into business.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, if someone gives it, leaves a bad review of the wing stop, you're like, I have four.

There's not a single wing stop owner in the country that's like, oh man, are these wings actually good?

Am I actually making something that's good?

Now, I don't mean for society.

Did somebody come and have a good meal today?

Within the limited

criteria of shitty wings, is it good?

And the answer is no, and I know that.

And it doesn't matter to me.

It doesn't matter.

I'm losing nothing.

Because I paid the $2 million up front, and I get $75,000 a year for the rest of my life.

You know?

Yeah.

Anyways, Mint Mobile is nothing like that.

Mint Mobile is a cell phone provider for wheelers and dealers.

I would say.

And I love great deals as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals.

Feel free to insert a humorous analogy, just to save a few bucks.

It has to be easy.

No hoops, no BS.

So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three-month plan, I called them on it.

Turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for $15 a month.

I'm a long part, I don't really, these things are actually a good deal.

I feel like people just

think they have to get one of like the big four cell phone providers, but a prepaid phone is actually pretty smart, especially if you're like.

I mean, you buy your phone and then you just get a prepaid planned somewhere, and it's going to be cheaper no matter what.

It's going to be cheaper, but then also it's not like

I think I.

I understand some people can't buy a phone outright.

I don't know if this is technically correct still, but the way it used to be is companies like this were called,

what are they called MVNOs.

They're mobile virtual network operators.

And all of the cell phone towers are actually just owned by Verizon, Sprint.

and are like rented.

Yeah, and they rent them out.

I think legally they have to rent them out because otherwise they have like a.

Well, in Canada, you know, there's a monopoly over there where there's only like the two: there's Rogers and Bell.

There's no other.

Yeah, right.

So they have to, because of antitrust laws, they have to rent them out.

Which Canada doesn't have because it's actually less free.

Yeah, with these companies, I don't know who they rent their towers from, or maybe it's all of them now, or what, but you're getting the same, you're getting the same quality of service.

So it's like, but I think people's misconception with like smaller network providers is like, like, oh, well, they're small.

What if they don't have a tower anywhere?

You get the same kind of coverage.

It's like, you know, you have nothing to worry about.

All planes come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text.

Lived on the nation's largest 5G network.

Right.

Nobody shames you for if you're if you go with Mint Mobile, nobody's going to shame you being like, are you not Verizon or anything?

I know a lot of people that use Mint Mobile and they like it a lot.

The irony of it is that they like Mint Mobile because they like their privacy and they don't like being like

stuck, I guess.

It's like there's something a little bit more non-committal about it.

So to give any details on who they are or why they use it would be a violation of their trust, I would imagine.

But no, it's

yeah, it's kind of perfect.

It makes me, I'm thinking, why the hell don't I use Mint Mmm?

What the hell are you even using?

I'll tell you what.

Same reason I don't brush my teeth.

Because it's another thing to do and another day that I no longer want to be on this earth.

And so, but I would.

I tell you, I would.

You would.

I would be very excited to use Mint Mobile.

So, get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month.

Go to mintmobile.com/slash TAFS.

That's mintmobile.com slash T-A-F-S.

Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month.

And I'll tell you this: guess how much I pay a month in cell phone?

$90, $100, $150, dude.

No.

I pay $60.

I pay $240 something a month.

What?

Yeah.

You got to switch to Mint.

No, I can't.

Why is it $250?

Because first of all, I can't remember the logins for any of my shit.

Oh, yeah.

It's like fucking way too complicated.

I don't like going to that fucking store.

When I do have the upgrade, I go and they're like, well, actually, you don't.

And I'm like, you know what?

I hope there's fucking bombs back there.

I'm going to tell Israel about this place.

Yeah, I think

it's exploded.

I think I saw a couple of Muslims working at the cellphone store here.

Anyways, mintmobile.com slash T-A-FS.

Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month.

Disclaimer must be read verbatim.

45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month for three months.

New customers on the first three-month plan only.

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And that's it.

Yeah, see Mint Mobile for details.

Check it out.

And it's a nice, it's clean.

It's green.

I love the color green.

I love the green party.

I vote for the green party just for the color.

You know, I'm famously, I'm one of these guys that say, I don't see color, but that only means race.

Yeah.

When it comes to action,

I see nothing but colors.

Yeah.

What if you were like, I don't see color?

And by that, I mean that homosexuals are completely invisible to me.

Okay, because the rainbow.

Yeah, the rainbow.

Those are the colors I don't see, pal.

The gay ones.

I only see black and white.

I only see in black and white.

Or black and white.

It's like that photo of Marlon Brando.

Yeah.

That's a great picture.

It's awesome.

Yeah.

That's like the kind of thing you'd find like at an antique shop on one of those cameras.

Caillou Williams, what is this?

I bring it on to Antique Roadshow?

Yeah, maybe I will.

I'll send like a shot.

I'm on Antique Roadshow, and then they're breaking it down.

They're like, yeah, this is awesome.

This is actually...

Well, this is a a guy sucking another guy's cock and and oh wait and you know who this is

it's famed renowned oscar winning this is wolfgang amadeus mozzar

getting

sucking a guy off yeah i think you could probably at auction do like this would be like 800

yeah you could go for 800 was a great mad tv they would do the antiques road shows a sketch did they yeah and there's one where a guy brings in like a shandel like a candelabra or something and it's like, oh, this is my grandma's candelabra.

And they're like, yeah, actually, what this is, is it was a whore scandal.

Prostitutes would put it in their window and light it to let people

the old west know that they were servicing Chinese rail workers that night.

He's like, no, no, no.

It's my grandma's candelabra.

She was a very nice lady.

The only

Mad TV I remember is Ike Berenholtz's Dane Cook Impression.

That's late, man TV.

Yeah, it's late.

I missed it.

He was one of those guys that followed me on Twitter for like 10 minutes.

Oh, he like looked through it?

No, he was looking.

I would like tweet something when I was in my mid-20s.

I would tweet something that people thought was funny, and then I would pick up followers off of it.

And then five minutes later, I'd tweet something that people thought was abhorrent, and then they would block me.

And like, I think the record was Ronan Farrow followed me for, I think, like 45 seconds.

Yeah.

As soon as you got that first following, you were like, let's go.

It was probably an accident, truth be told.

But I like to imagine that he was like, oh, this is pretty funny.

Oh, never mind.

Ronan Farrow.

Yeah.

Wrote a book.

Yeah.

Well, he was one of the Munich guys.

Yeah, he's in Munich.

Remember that reference from earlier?

Yeah, I remember that from earlier.

When I was a kid, I never

the whole like.

I quite regret it.

Munich bothered me, the town,

or maybe it was Zurich, because I thought these are too similar.

I was like, you just like, it's like a Mario and Luigi thing.

I'm like, yeah, something Munich Zunich.

Yeah, I'm like, why the fuck are you doing Zurich?

Yeah, that just pissed me off.

Yeah, I don't even think I knew what it was until I saw that movie

that I mentioned earlier.

It's a good movie.

It's like a hotel movie.

People like it because.

I mean, for reasons I'm not going to say.

Say it.

I don't give a fuck.

I do.

Why do you care?

Why do you care what anybody thinks?

Because you're only 30.

Yeah.

Thing is, this is what people don't tell you.

Once you turn 30, you don't turn 31 and 32 and 33.

You just turn 30 over and over and over again.

It's like a drink.

It's ever so dark the way you say that.

Everything you think about, like, you know, people are like, oh my God, I'm like, dude, everything everyone thinks about 30.

Yeah.

That's what I think about 30.

When you're in your 20s and people are like, I'm going to be 30.

And you think it's like some kind of like,

it's nothing.

It's nothing.

It means nothing.

But then all those things you did think every year, you're like, oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Someone got mad at me the other night because they asked how old I was and I said 30.

And then they were going to tell me how old they were.

And I said, I genuinely, I actually genuinely don't care.

Which I actually was just kind of being like a nice.

That's something autistic response.

Yeah,

you know, and it can be taken that way sometimes, I guess.

And I do feel bad for you.

I genuinely don't care.

You know, it's like...

Why would you say that this?

Well, I just meant it like I don't care how old you are.

I meant it in a kind way.

You know who I miss seeing around is Josh Gondelman.

Because sometimes I tell him things, because I'll just run my mouth.

I'll just say shit.

Uh-huh.

And he's like the nicest guy in the world.

He's like a pure human.

I ran into him on the train one time, and

I was having like some kind of fit, and I took the train.

I was living in Chinatown, and I went to like four or five different Dunkin' Donuts to find a specific Dunkin' Donut-branded thermos

that I was like, I gotta have this thermos.

Something insane.

It was insane.

It was insane.

And I went all the way to Queens, and it was like, I made a day.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

Thank you for doing this after you were just like, that's an autistic thing to say.

No, yeah, I've got to.

Then to be like, I went to Queens to go get a Dunkin Donuts.

Sometimes I'll get like fixations and stuff.

I'm like, I had to have this fucking Dunkin' Donuts thermos.

And so I went, I found it in like Long Island City, I think.

Yeah, it was Long Island City, maybe?

I don't know.

I went to a bunch of them, and I wound up in Queens.

I was like, there it is.

And I bought it.

I was on the train back.

I had my thermos with me.

And I ran into Josh Gobbleman.

And then

he's like, I'm like, hey, what are you up to?

And then I'm like, dude, I've been looking for this fucking therm.

And I'm like, told him about it.

I'm telling him about all the Dunkin' Donuts I went to.

And it didn't even, I was so deep into whatever the fuck was going on in my head that day that I had to have this thermos that I'm relating it to him like it's normal.

And he's like, oh, and you found it.

Oh, that's amazing.

That's awesome.

But he's like, loves Dunkin' Donuts.

Yeah, but that's not what's going on.

I mean, he's just a nice guy.

I think I distinctly remember him having the Dunkin' Donut shoes.

Well, don't ruin this.

I don't.

I'm just trying to be good.

Oh, okay.

Did he actually have Dunkin' Donut shoes?

Yeah, he has the Dunkin' Donut shoes.

Okay, well, maybe that's all it was then.

Because

I would like to see if I could find his limit

to tell that man

just a dog shit story and just waste his time.

Yeah, but he was genuinely like

the whole time, just fucking being like, and it wasn't there?

And you went to another one, you know, just like just fully on board.

Hanging on every word as if it's the best thing he's ever done.

Right, just to just wait.

You would rather be talking to a homeless person on the train.

Yeah, than have you after you're just sweating and

just fucking satisfied.

Yeah, I loved it.

I still have it.

Amazing.

I have a wah-wah thermos that takes up like all this space, and it's not like I collect thermoses, it's just those two.

Yeah, you know, and those are two fixations.

I don't know.

Sometimes I'm like, yeah, I just need

something.

Yeah, I'm like a hermit crab.

Yeah.

You know,

thermos was your shell and that.

That fucking thing.

Yeah, you need to go get that.

Yeah.

The King Crab Orange?

Yeah, but the Yeti thing, that's like, that's more broad.

And first of all, I was not a King Crab Orange guy.

I was making fun of the King Crab Orange guys.

They opened a Yeti store next to the studio.

And

that's one of the only colors they have.

They do the seasonal colors, and there was King Crab Orange and the fucking...

like Hawaii blue.

Of the water one that you have.

Yeah, wherever it is.

It's like behind.

Oh my god, was it stolen?

There it is.

Yeah, so I got this one, but I have multiple colors.

I got into Yeti guys also.

It's like when the

Stanley Cup, but I have a big Stanley cup that I use at home.

Well, that's more of a Zoomer thing.

I think that's because I think personally, I don't mean to be rude, but the Stanley guys are kind of faggots, honestly.

No, I get it.

I don't bring it anywhere.

I leave it at home.

Yeah, I would never leave the house.

It's like a girl thing to have.

But this, people are like, oh my God, is that fucking

good?

don't like i don't want to be at home taking off a top all the time

i would like this in the wild but i at home it's a straw they have a straw one too okay sorry i don't i'm not i don't use the straw one because i put like uh vitamins or bcaas or sometimes liquid iv you guys owe me for saying that um in this thing and then if you if i use the straw one you like that the flavored water If you put anything other than water in these, the rubber parts start to stink.

You know, because they get like mildew and shit.

Even with the water, you gotta...

And so this one's easy to clean.

But the one with the straw, I worry that if I got shit in the inner workings, it would just...

Yeah, it's like those Nalgene bottles get disgusting.

But no, I would not say the Yeti thing.

Like, counts because it's also other people like Yeti.

It's a name brand and stuff.

Yeah.

This is just me being a consumer.

That's fine.

It's not like a Dunkin' Donuts fucking thermos.

Yeah.

It's not a good thermos.

A lot of people have those.

A lot of people have these.

The orange is nice.

I bought on eBay a fucking commemorative 1992 Olympic stopwatch

because I found one when I was a kid.

And you're like, oh, I need it.

Yeah, when I I would like fucking play with it.

And then I was like, man, I went I wish I still had that stopwatch and then I bought it on eBay for like 20 bucks.

I have nothing nostalgic.

It's not even nostalgia.

It's like a totem or something.

I have this weird thing with my head where sometimes I feel like I don't like

experience time normally.

Like, sometimes I feel like I've already, I can feel like I have a whole entire life I'm living in one instant.

Like the whole thing.

And then I've kind of always felt that way.

And then like I can have like, I guess you would just call it nostalgia, but sometimes maybe it's like small tactile things or something.

That just bring you you back to well it's like something that already happened always

like right here like it's like yeah it's like any

like you have a very good memory no i don't have a very good memory it's more it's just like it's an experience it's like i can't really explain put it in words but it's like everything's just sort of happening concurrently my whole life is happening concurrently at the same time yeah it's like i don't feel oh like you've already

done and accessed everything you ever will sort of and you're like stuck Not that it, but there's no sense of it being in the past.

It's like the whole thing is like...

Is here, but in the same way that you can experience a day, and that day is like a one unit, you know, and you remember the day and like, you know, the difference between the morning and the nighttime, you understand in a linear sense.

But the experience of the day itself is sort of as a whole, or a vacation you went on.

You know what I mean?

You remember a vacation, but you remember it and it's a totality.

Correct.

You know, and it's like that, but it's for everything.

And even things that haven't happened yet.

Yeah, but so then even when you're saying when you wake up, you're like, you're

saying that when you wake up, you're experiencing everything again.

Not a, no, not that I'm experiencing.

Not that you're like,

but I don't understand where you're at on your time.

I don't even know if there's words for it.

It's like,

it's just, yeah, it's hard to process.

It's just a weird feeling where everything just kind of feels like timeless.

Yeah, it makes it sound like a stuck feeling to me.

Like you don't feel stuck.

Well, it doesn't feel bad or good.

It just feels like

an optical illusion or something.

You know, where it's like, sometimes you see the old lady and sometimes it's the young one.

And it's just this thing.

You know, I don't know if it makes sense, but whatever.

And I don't know really how that plays into like having to have a stopwatch.

But like sometimes, yeah, they're like, if I touch this, I'm touching it in the same way that...

Yeah, like that is almost grounding you, and that is like an object that you need, and that's why you need the object because it's like keeping you present almost.

Like, similar to like having to go get the like Dunkin' Donuts.

Yeah, I have to.

I think you're like, if I have that, then I'm like here almost.

I'm sure there's a reason for it in a textbook about retards, but I don't like.

Yeah.

Yeah, sorry.

I don't care.

It's something I do, and it's weird.

Where are you in Red Dead?

Man, whatever.

I'm early on.

I like that you can play it on your laptop.

I'm sorry for saying that you fucked up by cutting the beard.

That's the style you like, and I'm.

No, that

fucked me.

No, it didn't.

I can't get the long beard now, and then maybe that's what it was.

Because you can always.

You're like, wow, look at our differences.

I'm not trying to be.

You're like, oh, this guy likes Adam.

He shaved the beard.

You can always shave the beard.

I like Adam.

You can grow the beard out all the way, and then you can shave it.

I like it.

And you can never shave.

Okay, go ahead.

You know?

You know what I I did?

I went to the general store.

I bought myself my own outfit in there.

Yeah.

Which outfit are you wearing?

It's custom.

It's custom.

I would wear the one.

I'd killed all the animals.

I killed every animal in the game.

Of course.

The bear.

If there's one thing I think you would have done in that game is kill every animal and wear it.

Yeah, right.

I'm like, there's probably a character in any game you've played.

You're like, I did not know that he could do that.

As soon as there was an opportunity opportunity to make all the clothes and collect all the flowers i was doing that and then you play the story and he's like talking to that woman that he could have married and he's like listen i love you and he's got like a bear

he looks so stupid i know

but maybe we could be together i'll just settle a couple of things you're wearing an elk you're wearing antlers right now yeah yeah you're severely mentally ill are dutch listen to yourself you sound crazy just

a pelican

Yeah,

he's wearing a bison.

Dutch, I don't know.

This doesn't make much sense to me.

He's at the bar.

Can I get a jack and die?

That's a pretty good item.

Can I get a jack and die?

You guys have a...

The jaw is good.

You guys got a die, Coke?

Let me get a die.

The jaw is good.

Ma, you going to the bar?

Can I get a die?

Can I get a die with Jack?

His ability to abbreviate anything, it's infuriating.

When we first moved in here

and he's like, he's like, day one, I'll meet you at the stew.

It's like,

you haven't said studio once.

You haven't said it one time.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

One time, and you're already abbreviating it.

It's a brand new thing in our lives.

It is fun.

It's not fun.

It's fun.

It's not.

It's fun.

Some people have too much fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Other people people are serious, you know.

I know.

Yeah, that is a nice thing about him.

He's fun.

He is fun.

He's a good guy to have around.

Yeah, you'll never meet him.

He gets all water off a duck's back.

I wish I was fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm really not fun.

I am such a chore to be around.

I'm either fucking just

a rain cloud or I'm excited about a Dunkin' Donuts thermos.

That's it.

You don't get anything else out of it.

Oh, I want to feel connection so bad, but

I can't make it happen.

Yeah.

I'm like, you know.

Right.

Like earlier.

Yeah.

Like this whole time.

I don't know.

I'm like, but oh, so that's like this.

And you're like, no, it's not really.

In my mind, we're having an adult level of connection.

Yeah.

Where it's like, this is a thing that...

We should have, this should have been a dinner.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Well, it's uncomfortable.

You know, cameras, they're blinking red.

They are.

They blink red every time you say something wrong.

Did you know that?

That's what that light means.

I know.

I keep getting

it.

It's not the camera that's live.

It's anytime there's a mean comment.

Yeah.

Where people are like, wow, it's actually when it reads, wow, this guy's a fag that the light.

No, God.

No.

No, I'm a fag.

That's what the light means.

God, I guess I'm a gay guy.

Not a gay.

Yeah, it is very funny.

And now it's like, this is something you used to deal with if you were like famous.

And now

we just subject ourselves to it.

Yeah.

You're like, I'm going to do this on purpose.

Self-surveillance.

Yeah.

I don't even know I'm getting older.

Because I didn't learn how to read.

Yeah.

Gosh.

You look at yourself every day?

No.

That's good.

No, no, no.

That's good.

No, not at all.

Yeah, I think that's probably half the reason I don't shower or take care of myself.

So you don't have to go in the bathroom or is in the bathroom, yeah.

Yeah, that's the thing I'm actually doing.

When you go in there to go to the bathroom, you pull the bucket head down below your eyes just in case.

I shower with it on, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I put on a hood.

It's like Abu Ghraib in there.

I'm putting up my own dick and laughing in a picture.

Have you seen my car battery?

I gotta take a shower.

Oh, boy.

That was funny the way you said that.

Of course, I'm pro-Palestine.

That's funny that that's like a cultural give-in now that we just have to have.

That's not the way it was forever.

For the longest time.

Nobody cared about Palestine.

No, now it's like...

Now it's the thing you like.

But now it gets spun is where it's as if it's like,

oh yeah it's so mainstream but i'm like that happened too that's been happening but i'm like no it's not people are just shocked at like the

like

how engaged people are now and i guess that's a function of social media or something but well i mean i think the people

seeing it constantly consistently yeah has worn people down

to say things like of course I'm pro-Palestine.

Don't be self-conscious about it.

I'm making a general

observation about.

Well, I'm not self-conscious of it.

I'm just aware of.

Yeah, but I'm not trying to be a dick, you know?

It's like, and when you make me look like a dick.

I'm not throwing it.

I don't mean to throw it.

I'm not throwing it back in your face.

I'm more just like throwing it back at me.

Where'd you get that?

Like a Cabela's or something?

Buffalo Exchange.

Oh, okay.

Yep.

The name of that store has always been so funny to me.

I think it's wrong.

The Buffalo Exchange?

Yeah, I think that's a wrong.

I don't think they should call it that.

The name sounds like just too smooth.

I got to get rid of Chief Wahoo and

the Buffalo Exchange.

Oh, I didn't mean wrong in a, like, it's offensive.

It just seems like an old traitor.

It sounds like a type of just particularly unsafe sex.

I mean,

I think First Nations Aboriginal immediately, Buffalo Exchange.

Oh, okay.

Who else exchange the Buffalo?

Yeah, maybe.

Respectfully, I mean that.

They're doing well, the Native Americans.

Oh, they're better than ever.

Yeah.

In terms of

representation.

Well, they got casinos and stuff.

Yeah.

They had reservation dogs for a minute.

They got nice ties.

Bolos.

Yeah, they got cool strings.

They got all those ties.

Yeah.

Have you ever worn a Western suit?

No.

Oh, okay.

Have you?

No.

Yeah.

I mean, it interests me a lot.

Anytime I'll be in the South or like South West.

And when you see it in person, it doesn't look right.

Well, because they're not tailored.

Yeah.

You see them in like a vintage store and you're like, oh, man, it'd be cool to get a Western suit.

But unless you get it, like you get one that fits you, it's just you're like playing dress up, basically.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, it'd be nice to just be fitted up for one and do some.

But I don't ever want to be in photos.

Why not?

Because you don't want to see yourself.

It's uncomfortable.

To be in photos.

You to have a photo taken of you.

I agree with that.

I don't like having my photo.

When someone, like, they're like,

people that are heavy on the camera.

They're like, let me take a photo of you.

You're like,

I don't want to.

Yeah, people that are heavy on the camera.

Which, in particular, too, now it's like people take pictures all the time and you're never looking at them.

You know, I don't, I'm never going.

I'm going.

I go through old photos to find, like,

you know, did I misplace this thing that I do, you know what I mean?

Like, you're looking for clear.

Clear memories, yeah.

It's always like, do I have a picture that you're going to be doing?

You're on some weird, like,

timeline detective hunt that you don't even realize is happening yet.

Yeah, maybe.

Like, Memento.

Similar to the movie.

Memento.

It'd be funny if some guy confused Memento in Munich.

Yeah.

And they were like, Memento.

It's kind of like got memento vibes, dude.

Yeah, it's kind of got memento vibes.

It was like Joey Pants was over there handing out pagers.

What's next for the Middle East?

What's next for the Middle East?

What's happening?

Can we just get this fucking war with Iran over with?

It's going to happen.

Can they just do it?

I mean, they're going to anyway.

Weren't they supposed to do it like

10 years ago?

Or George Bush?

Fucking 30.

20 years ago?

Yeah, I mean.

But he got it confused with Iraq or something?

I don't think that that's

possible.

Didn't he confuse Iraq and Iran?

He did.

He has one quote where he goes, Iran, he's misspoke and said Iran, and then he goes, Iran, Iraq, what's the difference?

Yeah, what?

Yeah.

So weren't we supposed to have the war there?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I mean, at this point, it's like, just do the war, you know?

Yeah.

We're going to do it anyways.

Just fucking get it.

Let the chips fall where they may.

Are we even ready?

No.

Is there even anyone in the army?

We have not won.

Do you know anyone that's in the army?

We have not won a war

since the 1950s.

What, Korea?

Yeah.

And I guess you could say we didn't even really win.

Yeah.

Grenada?

I guess you could say we won Grenada, but that's not really...

That's a conflict.

No, conflict doesn't count.

Yeah, okay, then no.

We didn't even really win World War II.

Because who, like, what was the goal of World War II?

To stop.

Stop what?

Them.

Germany.

Germany.

From growing.

From growing?

Germany's bigger than ever.

Have you looked at a map?

It's like fucking half of Europe now.

They've secretly gotten much bigger.

And the way they did it is you don't annex other countries.

You keep the same shape and you just add 15 feet every year on every side.

Yes.

And then no one.

It's been 60 years.

And then people look at it.

They're like, did Germany annex it?

And it's like, well, it's the same shape.

Yeah.

What would they have anna?

I mean, it's the exact exact same.

Maybe we just forgot how

Alaska.

It's not the same thing as Russia.

Think about how much bigger Alaska has gotten since you were a kid.

I don't ever think about that.

Well, I remember on the map, it was like down here, and it was like this size.

Yeah.

Then when you see the main thing, it's like fucking the size of the whole country.

It's like half the country now.

So you're what map?

The world map.

You checking it every year and occasionally.

I'd say,

is Niger still on there?

They'd be still doing it.

But how can you ever know the map is

Niger, Nigeria?

Let me just check.

I don't know.

They're like, we have to make the country bigger, like Germany.

I propose we start by making the name bigger, perhaps by

adding another letter,

maybe somewhere in the middle.

And it doesn't have to be a new letter.

It can be one of the letters we already have.

Let's not go crazy.

But maybe we just.

I can't even look at you.

Maybe we just have one more of the letter that we already have in the middle, and no one will know.

I want to do it so bad,

but I can't.

But I can't.

We have to make the country be God.

No, dude.

No, I'm still 30.

I can't.

Yeah, yeah, cannot do the accent.

It would be funny if that happened.

All right.

You got any dates you want to plug?

Doesn't matter.

I'm in Boston on Saturday and then L.A.

the next week.

Hell yeah, dude.

What are you doing in L.A.?

Lesion Theater.

Yeah, you got to check out Malibu.

Oh, up there?

Maliboom, boom.

What I would do, if I was going to LA, I'd rent a convertible and I would drive up there and

fucking top-down.

I would top down, top down, right through that tunnel.

Go to Malibu.

Malibu.

The sun.

Sun.

Fucking the sun.

Going cross-eyed.

Yeah.

Dude, fucking going to Southern California and seeing the fucking city.

The girls.

The girls.

Dude, the 20s out there.

Oh, fuck.

I hate Cal.

I hate Southern California.

Of all the, of all the, because I, there's not much of the country that you can find something to like in all of them.

Southern California, nothing.

There's this guy

watching all of his like TikToks and Instagram.

It's this guy from like San Diego.

He's like a pickup artist, but I think he has like a hidden camera on his shoulder because because he'll have his phone out in front of him.

So I'm like, I don't think he's filming on his phone, but he just like walks up to girls and like compliments them and then tries to get their number.

But he is kind of like nice about it, but he's an absolute fucking freak.

And he has that voice.

And that's got to be one of the worst voices.

What voice?

The like SoCal, like, hey, what's up, girls?

Like, you're looking good today.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, it's like, I mean, that's not it, but

there's something just like evil about San Diego.

Yeah, it's bad because it's Southern Southern California, but then it's also conservative.

It's like

a bunch of like army bases.

Yeah, yeah.

You got military guys.

You never see the military guys, so it's like people that are like, I don't know.

I have family there.

I went there and I would do the comedy club.

I didn't the comedy club there.

Yeah, but they have burritos and then also it's just weird to be like, I don't know.

That was one thing.

One time I was there, it was from like cousin's wedding.

And then...

You know, it's like, because I lived in Texas for a while, and there's like the whole like Texas Mexican food versus Southern California.

And I lived in L.A.

too.

And LA, one thing I will say about LA, it's got cool architecture and the food there is like really good.

And it's accessible and there's like a lot of places you can go where you can just walk in and have like amazing fucking food.

You know, but I was in San Diego, which is even closer to Mexico.

And

yeah, we went to get like Mexican food that I was told was like, oh, this is the fucking spot.

And it was like cafeteria, dog shit, fucking, you know, it was like not good at all.

Yeah.

You know?

So yeah,

San Diego is bad, I would say.

Yeah, boo, San Diego.

I want to be home all the time, dude.

Even fucking going to like

going to the store at the corner to get a breakfast sandwich.

I'm like, I'm home.

Why am I not home?

Or at least in my neighborhood I can enjoy, I guess.

What neighborhood are you in?

I'm in Park Slope.

Oh, okay.

That's nice.

Yeah, it's really relaxed.

Have you ever run into that Chinese Texan guy there?

I see him over there.

Yep, just visiting New York City.

Can't say I'm too keen on these cities.

These are some big buildings.

Yeah, you got a funny type of Chinese feller here.

And he realizes he notices the difference.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, the Chinese folk around here, they actually sound a lot like this.

There's a rush quality to their speaking.

Kentucky.

Park Slope.

Yeah, I like it over there.

Sometimes I'll walk to the botanical garden and I'll do the botanical garden and the prospect park to do.

That's nice.

I try to go to the prospect park like every day in the morning with my dog.

Yeah, you know, I'll finally, like, I think this year I finally know the park now.

Yeah.

Because I now I would never go there because it's, I'm in bedstead, so it's a little bit far for me.

Yeah, that is too far almost.

Yeah, and it's it's a confusing park.

Like, Central Park is bigger.

There's a lot of good, like,

off-the-beaten path.

Like, you can't do that.

But I worry about that because some of that off-the-beaten path is quite literally, and you'll wander into a guy that's just living in the park.

Yeah.

You know, there's a couple of people.

One of these Venezuelan guys that are here to blow up everybody's pager.

Oh, God.

You can

thank the damn CIA for that.

You know what I love about Prospect Park?

They got turtles there.

They got a lot of turtles.

Yeah.

Swans, too.

Yeah, those are big swans.

Swans don't make any sense to me as a thing.

Yeah, it's just a big thing.

They would have been extinct by now.

Right.

And then people are like, oh, that's the love bird.

And I think it's like it's ugly and loud.

It sounds like a dinosaur.

I think it's just because it's like.

And they're dirty.

They're always dirty as shit.

Old people think, like, older generations think the swan is the love bird because it's like they think sexy and love is like an S, you know what I mean?

And it's like the neck is like an S, so they're like, oh, S is like sexual.

You know what I mean?

That's true.

Old people spell that word differently.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, all right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I wish I spent more time in Prospect.

I guess I could, but no, I just go to the zoo.

And it's nice.

I love it because the botanical garden is.

That's a thing.

What I like is when you walk through the park in the morning and then you can hear the zoo animals.

Yeah.

And you're like, oh, it's a little.

They have like a dog shit selection of animals at the Prospect Park Zoo.

My favorite is they got palace cats there, which are just cats.

Like, there's maybe some kind of scientific distinction between those and like

the fucking cat at my apartment,

but not enough that it belongs in a zoo.

Yeah.

It would be like if you had pugs at a zoo.

You'd be like, isn't this weird?

Yeah, if you saw a pug at a zoo and you'd never seen a pug before, you'd be like, what the hell is that?

Yeah, no, it's like a dog, I guess.

What the fuck?

I guarantee you.

I've seen a pug and you're like, this should be in a zoo.

You could make a palace cat fuck a house cat and you would probably get a regular.

You would just get a cat.

It is such a small zoo that it is like they do have sad animals in there that I feel like shouldn't be in a zoo, like a porcupine.

Yeah, they do have spiky things.

And like, that shouldn't be in a zoo.

They have a couple of those weird monkeys that look scared.

Yeah.

It's like Japanese deer.

Yeah.

Where you're like, those should just be.

They got a couple of pretty birds.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They had like, what do they got, sea lions?

They do in the middle.

That one's always so sad.

I went to like Coney Island, the aquarium there, and they do the shows with them.

Yeah.

There's nothing sadder than seeing one of those guys.

Do they have...

I thought they only had one big sea lion in the Coney Island one.

The rest are like seals, and then they have a big sea lion that has numbers printed on it.

They get him to flop around out on the pool deck.

I love that guy because you go if when you go underground you can see all the other like the seals will like dart through the water and they're like doing and then the sea lion is just fat as shit and he kind of just like

just sort of floats around and you can tell he thinks he's being as graceful as the seals.

He's just this bloated fat piece of shit.

And at first time I saw him I laughed hysterically.

I'm like look at one of them's fat i mean you know he thinks he's the same size as the other ones and he's got numbers branded on him he's like

there's a placard there where it says it says you know because everything in the zoo it's framed as if a child is asking the question so it says why do they why is it why is a sea lion have some numbers on him and it tells you that because in the wild they'll track sea lions that go up uh uh rivers and eat endangered salmon and if they can't stop them from eating salmon they'll kill them And so he has the numbers on him because he was tracked.

And it's like, luckily, we were able to save this one, but he's literally in jail for eating too much.

Yeah.

He got arrested for overeating.

And now he's like the one fat fucking sea lion.

And they're like, you got to stop coming here.

He's like, I got to do it.

I got to eat this shit.

Yeah.

And it has no idea.

That's the best part.

That's what I love about animals.

He's like, why the fuck am I in here?

They just don't know anything.

They just have to do it.

He's like, because they're still feeding me.

Yeah, right.

He's like, no, I just have to kind of walk around for them.

Yeah.

And then the sharks are sad at the aquarium because a lot of the animals that.

Well, in Vancouver, they used to have orcas at the aquarium, which they're not allowed to do anymore.

Because of blackfish?

No, even before then, I'd like to believe that they actually got rid of the orcas and like the David Suzuki Foundation got them out.

I'm a big

salish sea orca guy.

But that was always crazy.

The whales would be in the literal.

I mean.

The New York Aquarium got fucked up by Hurricane Sandy.

I think a lot of the animals died.

And I think their shark exhibit got fucked up.

Oh, it like overflowed and then like broke.

Yeah, I think it just, yeah.

The filtration system must have been.

Sandy didn't even seem,

was it that bad?

It was bad, dude.

Yeah.

I mean, the city was flooding and shit.

Long Island got fucked up.

But yeah, a lot of people.

I was coming back from New New Orleans, and I had my like Uber car Uber from the airport.

He was talking about, he's like, picked me up from LaGuardia, and he was like, during Sandy, I had to drive up there,

and

it was fucked.

Yeah.

And I was like, damn, that was, you're New York's.

You're still driving there?

New York still floods pretty regularly.

It's always crazy too.

In Brooklyn, yeah, there'll be flooding and you'll see it on the internet.

And you're like, this is five blocks from where I am.

And it looks like.

It looks fine where I am.

Yeah, it's crazy.

That's why I like being on the slope, you know, because it's a slope.

Yeah.

So the water just goes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't got to worry about flooding or anything interesting like that.

If they're still watching at this point, that's on them, dude.

If you're fucking, if you're like an hour and 45 minutes into a podcast and you're like, what the fuck are they talking?

This is so boring.

You fucked up in your life.

Literally, yeah, it doesn't matter to me.

Yeah.

I wish I could see the numbers for when people were starting to go off.

They do that.

No, I know, but I wish right now.

So

I want to keep going until it's zero.

It's a flat line all the way across.

Great.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

It's one big flat line

the whole way through.

Maybe I should have some chocolate tonight.

I had a Snickers bar already.

I was thinking about it.

I was going because I fly out tomorrow.

I was like, should I go to Dwayne Reed and get a bag of fun-sized Snickers?

I thought maybe that'd be

fun for me to have on the road if I had a bag of Snickers with me in the green room.

My friend bought me a bag of like Halloween candy, but it was all like Swedish fish and sour patch kids.

And I was like, that sounds like more than a friend to me.

But I was like, what the fuck?

But it had the individual bags.

Yeah.

So I like...

opened them all and put it into like a big jar that I have and it basically filled this huge thick mason jar.

You sit there guessing.

I sat there guessing and numbers were going through my head.

No, but I ate, I picked it for like two days and then I was like, actually the amount that I've had is sick and I'm twisted.

But because I can see it in the jar.

You can do that with the Utz braided

pretzel sticks, the honey wheat, salted, braided.

Yeah, but it comes in a barrel, a translucent barrel.

It comes in a barrel.

And I can see, I've had it for two days, and I'm like, I've eaten a Donkey Kong amount of

the pretzel barrel.

And I don't understand it.

To me, in my head, it's five handfuls.

And he eats the barrels, Donkey Kong.

He has barrels.

I don't know.

Yeah, he's throwing them.

I'm sorry.

The references are going to get

less and less imaginative.

I don't think I even had one reference that.

What the fuck was that game, Barrel of Monkeys?

It's not even a game.

It is a game because, I mean, at least I feel like it's a game, but I don't know.

You shake it up and you have to pull them out.

You can pull them out

and they have to all be attached.

That's stupid.

Yeah, well, they didn't.

Bananogram's dumb, too.

Those are games where they like focused on the packaging.

You know, the game where you have the

stick with a ball on top, and it has like a hoop, and you have to catch it and that?

Lewis got into that, like, two years ago.

And Gomez?

Yes.

Lewis was like, I'm getting really good at it, dude.

What is the point of that?

I don't know.

Where does that?

And it was like, it was so much of like a Lewis thing that I couldn't even make fun of him for it.

It was just like

great, dude.

It's not even yo-yo.

At least with yo-yo, it's like

look at this crazy trick.

Yeah, well, yo-yo is probably hard, but

it's like depression era.

You ever watch like a yo-yo video that's like someone's filming themselves doing like yo-yo tricks in the wild with like a crazy beat over it?

No.

Oh, you're missing out.

No, jump rope videos, though.

Like crazy, like

jump rope Instagram.

Yeah.

Yeah, a couple years ago.

And how'd it go?

It's pretty cool.

I mean, it is like dancing.

Yeah, it is just dancing.

It is, basically.

I like jump rope at the gym, but I can't really do the thing where they do crazy.

Like, I would never do that publicly, you know?

Why not?

It's a little pause for me.

Why wouldn't you do that?

Because you can't?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Literally.

Yeah, I would never.

I mean, I would never.

Because I can't do it.

I see people like dunking and stuff in the park, and I'm like, I would never do that.

I would never do that publicly.

I would never.

No.

I would never be good.

Well, because you have to try to do it in order to

be able to do it.

I think about the cross thing, though, because I was in the jump roping for a while.

You just try it, and it'll just work.

And then you're like, holy shit.

And it feels really cool.

It feels awesome, dude.

I'm going to try it.

Okay, I'll never.

You got to try it.

Okay, I'm going to do it.

Once you get like a rhythm, just fucking just throw your hands across.

When it's ropes coming out,

like this way.

Oh, like this.

Yeah, you do the cross.

Yeah.

I've done a cross.

I mean, like the, like where they put it into one hand while they're doing

it.

And then they're going like this really.

Oh, that's stupid.

Yeah, that's.

Oh,

I meant like that.

No, that's not jumping rope anymore.

That's playing with like a toy whip.

Yeah, when they have.

Yeah.

Yeah, but they still jump with the whip.

Yeah.

Just put the jumper up down and jump.

Yeah.

Just jump without the rope.

Jump without the rope.

At that point, the rope is not needed.

Yeah, I'm doing the no rope trick.

I'm doing the no-breaking.

I'm doing jump rope, but I don't go over over the rope.

And that's our time, folks.

We did it.

An hour and five minutes.

Really?

Yeah, I think we did an extra five minutes.

And I will again be in Irvine, California.

I was not...

I mean, I was looking forward to the shows, but not Orange County in particular.

But now that I know that there is a Buffalo Wild Wings in the Comedy Club.

It's going to be awesome.

I think it's just actually not.

It's like right there.

It's not.

Never mind.

Thank you all for

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