The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Andre Kim - Episode 63

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Hello, everybody.

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.

It is the week of July.

It's the teens, right?

It's like July 12th through something.

Yeah.

Today is Friday.

Fuck.

Okay.

God damn it.

What?

I got to move my car and I forgot.

Fuck.

What days do you have to move your car?

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.

Are you serious?

You should have to go to the street.

It's on either side of the street, but then the spots fill up.

So I move it Monday, and then Tuesday I got to go fucking move it again.

That's such a scam.

Yeah.

The street sweeping, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, you really think my car is going to make a difference?

I mean, they're at least sweeping the streets.

Are they?

Yeah, now.

For a while, they weren't.

I mean, they were giving the tickets, and then they were just so they'd still be garbage out all the time.

Right.

There should be a thing like, hey, we didn't street sweep today, today, so no ticket.

They do it.

I mean, that's honestly, it's like, I've said it before.

The only reason I'm not an anti-Semite is because of the amount of times Jewish holidays have saved my ass.

Oh,

yeah.

Fuck.

And I run outside, I'm completely naked, and I look at the, I'm like, what?

Why don't I have a ticket?

Yeah.

It's because it's Rosh Hashanah.

Yeah, it's Rosh Hashanah.

I don't know, whatever the fuck.

Yeah.

Sakat or

one of their things.

What kind of car do you drive?

I have a Toyota 86.

Really?

Yeah.

I like that.

Do you?

Yeah.

Are you like a Fast and the Furious guy?

That's not racist.

I just.

No, I got a Mini Cooper because it's so small in the parking lot.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah,

yeah.

You know what I really don't like is the.

What is that like Mini Cooper crossover they came out with like 10, 15 years ago?

With the four doors?

Yeah, the four doors are bigger.

What's the name of that?

It's like, it's.

yeah the sportsman that yeah it's what why defeats the whole purpose of a mini cooper yeah yeah yeah it's like the big porsches with the four doors i'm kind of like why would you ever yeah get that i remember when the the the the new mini cooper came out what was that like 2003 2002 maybe yeah yeah i remember i for some whatever like those years are and i in my mind it was before 9-11 but there's like there was like a brief window where

I felt like no doubt had control over the whole culture.

You know what I mean?

Like that band dictated what everyone's life was going to be for like two years.

Yeah.

You know, and

I've said it on the show before.

There's a restaurant in downtown Brooklyn called Superfine that looks like they opened it in that year and then didn't change anything.

And so it's like sort of this like weird time capsule.

But they just

closed for presumably remodeling or something last time I went there.

And I'm like, well, I'm never coming back here again.

Because the food was atrocious.

But it was bad in a way.

It was bad in a way where

restaurants used to be not good, really.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It was just like, eh, whatever.

Yeah, right.

It's just a place to go eat food.

Because there was no Yelp.

Right, yeah.

So they could get away with it.

Yes.

Yeah, that's probably what it was.

But, yeah,

I remember that.

I'm like, man, they're coming.

The Minnie Cooper's coming back out.

I don't know why I thought that was important.

I think I just liked Austin Powers or something.

Oh, yeah.

Well, it was good in the Italian job.

Yes, you know, a lot of people, when I have the mini Cooper and I show them, like, at the end of the night after spots, I like to give people a ride home.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I just, because I know how much it means.

Yeah.

I stopped doing that because people treat you like you're their fucking Uber driver.

Do they?

Yeah.

You ever give someone a ride home?

You got a car.

Yeah, but I always have.

See, I keep my car just filled with shit.

Oh, really?

That way it's like, ah, yeah.

I got this box filled with paint.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, I know.

And then people, they'll be like, oh, can you park to the left?

Can you pull up to the l a little more, just a little ten feet more?

And I'm like, bro, just get the fuck out.

Yeah.

I just drove you eight miles.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

So, uh,

yeah, dude, it's good to be here, though.

I fucking, uh, I remember you guys were talking about me when you called Vinny Beetle on the show.

That's who knows you, Vinny.

Yeah, scumbag Vinny.

Yes, yes, yes.

Big character on the show, I think, right?

He is, yeah.

And then, yeah, that's right.

Okay, now it's coming back to me.

So you know him from like starting comedy.

Yeah, when I started, he was

still like Scumbag Vinny.

So he was the one that ruined the Minnie Cooper ride homes, I'm assuming.

No, I never was like, he's like, dude, can I just get a ride?

It's right down the street.

And it's 85 miles later.

He's having to drop you off in the city.

It's in East Haven, Connecticut.

Yeah, yeah.

One of the funniest things he ever said to me was after he did the show like once or twice or something, we were on the phone.

Yeah, he's like, dude, and I can come do the podcast whenever.

I'm like, I'm literally just 85 minutes outside of the city.

He said that, like, I mean, it was way beyond an hour.

Yeah.

I'm just, I'm 85 minutes from the city, so I can be there whenever.

Dude, Metro North is only 148 minutes away, it says.

I'm looking right now, Nick.

Yeah.

Dude, I'm a cool 378 minutes away.

Yeah.

I'll take a connecting flight from Syracuse.

It's great dude yeah it's uh yeah and then you i like i never listened to the uh the other show but i remember you guys had him on and i would listen to that like the clips like you guys had gene diapoli on yeah like when he met him i was there for all that oh really you know what i mean like artie lang like all that bam margera yeah you know what i mean so

that's how we that's how we met him is like i think he He DM'd me or somebody.

It was me or something.

And he was like, hey, do you want Bam on the show?

And I said, said, yeah.

And then,

yeah, we drove out the Yonkers to Gene DiNapoli's, like,

that room club, whatever that was.

I mean, it was just a, I don't know what that venue was prior.

It was just like in a plaza, like nail salon, pizza shop.

Yeah, yeah.

Venue.

You know what I mean?

Right.

And then he, and we showed up, and Vinny was wearing like a,

what is it?

Is it thrasher?

Thrasher.

He used to always wear that well he had a thrasher hoodie on but then a matching thrasher hat hat like trashy as

yeah but that's like beyond trashy i mean like even like the most white trash person is going to be like well i'm wearing the cookie monster fitted i can't wear the cookie monster it's got to be stewie griffin you know what i mean they're not going to go like both

It's like the kids that used to wear the My Dog Ate My Homework t-shirt from Target or some shit.

You're like, why would you wear that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know?

But yeah, I remember.

But then also, my dog ate my homework hat.

Right, right.

Like having both of them.

Yeah.

Yeah, I remember I pulled up with Artie, and this is when Artie was like, had the fucked up nose and the thing on his nose, the blood stain thing.

And we pulled up to Gene Denapolis Club, and Artie was like, I was driving, and Artie was in the passenger seat, and he was like...

He sees the club and he's like, Jesus fucking Christ.

He's like, where the fuck am I playing tonight?

And he's like, fucking Vinny, I swear to God.

And it was just funny, man.

Yeah, scumbag Vinny.

He still loves you, man.

He talks about you all the time.

Yeah.

Well, he's such an interesting guy.

He's very interesting.

He's down in Disney now, Orlando,

slinging Disney pins.

Yeah.

I can't tell if I'm sick or not.

Adam's been like deathly ill for a week.

Oh, really?

And I think everybody's getting COVID, but I just feel kind of like run down, and I can't tell if I'm actually sick or if I have a news fatigue.

Really?

Because I get get into like, you know, something will happen and I'm just like locked in, you know, and it'll be days on end where I'm just like refreshing to see if there's any more information.

But yeah, since this shooting thing, I've just been.

You think that was a hoax?

A hoax?

A shooting?

Like in what in what way?

Like you think it was staged?

Do you think it was staged?

I didn't think so, but my friend last night, I was talking to him and he was like, please, I should have shot it.

Is it a comic?

He used to be a comic like years ago, but he's like a a big Trump hater.

Yeah.

And he was like, come on, that was like some blood ketchup packet thing.

Yeah, I mean, I fully encourage the like going off the deep end, like, Democrat conspiracy theories now.

I think it's like, because now you see, like, conservatives that are mad about it.

They're like, oh, this is Blue Anon.

These guys are just as bad as QAnon.

And it's like, no, encourage that behavior.

Right.

I think that's good.

If someone actually tried to kill Trump because they thought the first shooting was a hoax,

that would be the funniest motivation of all time.

Right.

Yeah, no, I don't think it's, I mean, like, I've seen some of that.

I've seen, because, you know, he gets up and he goes, where are my shoes?

Right.

I guess when the Secret Service tackled him, it knocked his shoes off.

I didn't even know.

I didn't hear about that.

Well, every candidate is 185 years old, right?

And I don't think you can, you get to a certain age and you can't wear like regular shoes anymore because it'll cut off the circulation of your feet and they'll have to be removed.

So I think they all wear like slippers.

Joe Biden has like, he wears like, you can see it when he goes upstairs.

He has like

special old people shoes.

Interesting.

They look like dress shoes.

So when the Secret Service tackled him, they knocked him over.

And I saw people on Twitter saying, oh, well, he was hiding the blood packet in his shoes.

So

when they tackled him, he took his shoes off and pulled the blood packet out and put it on his ear.

Because, you know obviously you can't just keep it in his pocket that wouldn't make any sense he has to hide he has to hide the blood packet in his shoes because interesting they're going to check him for they're going to say okay mr.

president empty your pockets we need to make sure you're not hiding i saw someone else say

it was fake blood which he has access to because of because of his time in the WWE.

So they're under the impression that fake blood is a controlled substance.

This is not, you need a license.

You have to be like some kind of government contractor to get it.

You have to pass a background check.

You got to know Vince McMahon.

You got to know Vince McMahon.

Yeah, exactly.

Did you beat Vince McMahon in the billionaire face-up?

He's like, listen, I need a favor.

I'm going to need a packet of fake blood.

And they're like, I don't know.

It feels like I'm getting in over my head here.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Just promise me this.

You're not going to carry it around in your pocket.

And he says, no, I'm going to hide it in my shoes.

And when the shooter intentionally misses, kills two other people, when he intentionally misses me and kills other people,

then I'm going to take my shoes off quickly in front of all of the cameras.

There will be multiple angles so everyone can see it.

So we need to make sure we nail

my shoes coming off and then me reaching into the shoes and getting the blood packet and putting it on my ear.

When you put it that way, that sounds crazy.

It's crazy.

It is.

Did you see the speech last night?

I didn't.

Yeah.

No.

I didn't see that one.

But no,

the host thing is crazy.

I mean, like, I don't.

Because

these things happen.

And then, I mean, the problem with any conspiracy theory is like something starts to make sense and there has to be a little bit of conjecture in your head.

But once you make one connection, then you're like, well, I'm an expert.

Now it's like I have to

continue down this path and looking for ways to justify it.

Because there's other people on the other side that are saying,

I saw somebody, because conservatives are now saying, because there's a picture of the bullet flying through the air.

Is that legit?

It looks legit to me.

And it's like, you know, the guy was using it.

He was shooting outside in the afternoon, and so he has a, and I'm assuming he's shooting wide open, so he has like a one, he has a very like fast shutter speed, and that's why he's able to capture the bullet.

Right.

And then you see people saying, like, uh, using that shutter speed is unheard of.

And it's like, well, no, it's not.

I mean,

speed is on what?

The shutter speed of the camera.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't.

Now that I'm talking, you don't seem like a big conspiracy guy.

I mean, I can be.

I don't, like,

what's a conspiracy, you know?

Yeah.

I'm not a big conspiracy.

Like, Earth is flat kind of shit.

I guess, like, five years ago, you could have called me a conspiracy theorist because I would have been like, yeah, Bill Clinton has this friend that has an island that he invites rich people to to fuck children on.

Right.

And then people are like, that's crazy.

But now everyone just knows that.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Came out to be true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't, I mean, I would, the amount of stuff that happened with that shooting where it's like, this is just a glaring,

I don't understand how they missed this guy.

He was on the roof for 20 minutes.

You know, there's, I mean, it's like, it's, it's got to be a level of incompetence.

Like, I mean, you can't write off the idea of incompetence.

Yeah, I don't know how they missed him.

They didn't miss him.

Well, I mean, like, how they didn't see the shooter on the roof because other people.

They did see the shooter on the roof.

Right.

They flagged him as, like, a suspicious person an hour before the shooting.

They saw him.

He came to the event, and I guess I still don't have all the information, but

it's not clear because I just look at like Twitter and then, you know, I mean,

it's very easy for there to be bullshit.

Yeah, on Twitter,

but it seems like he came to the event, tried to go through the metal detectors, or was at least near the metal detectors or the range finder.

Interesting.

So they saw him with a range finder and then he went over to the building.

There's another person that was just scanning the event, taking videos of it, like a

civilian.

And he's in the background.

You can see him by the building, looking up at the building, you know, looking around the venue.

But they saw him.

He disappeared.

He came back with a backpack.

They took a picture of him.

There's one picture of the guy where it looks like it's kind of like fast motion and his hand is down on concrete.

And it looks like that picture is, you know, it's taken from above yeah and it's either inside the building where apparently there was local police like the local police's like counter sniper theme right was inside the building that he was on they took a picture of him crawling around and saying hey what's this guy but no they they this was clear that there was like a guy that they were looking at what I don't know is at an event like that there could be 50 people that they're doing that with.

You know what I mean?

Like we know that I know that they, I understand that they know that he was there, but I I also don't know if they were like, look at this guy.

Oh, look at this guy.

Oh, look at that guy.

Oh, look at this guy.

But they did know he was on the roof 10 minutes prior.

The question is, like,

I would imagine, like,

if not, there should be some kind of like either like

override channel on whatever that goes, whatever the communication is between all the law enforcement, there should be some kind of like red line, like, hey, there's a gun.

And then the team closest to the former president pulls him off the stage.

Right.

You know, you don't, because there's a question as, oh, why didn't they take the shot until they shoot?

That's valid.

I mean, you don't want to just shoot somebody.

It could have been just some fucking idiot kid that was like, oh, I want a better view.

And he gets up on the roof with a pair of binoculars.

You can't shoot that person.

Right, because if you do, that's...

That's like a big problem.

Yeah, it's a big problem.

But at the very least, if somebody's crawling on the roof,

you pull the person off the stage and say, hey, we'll be back in 10 minutes.

We have to figure something out.

Right.

You know, there's a security issue.

We have to figure something out.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Okay, guys.

Introduction.

Talk about which summer Olympics events.

Who the fuck is watching the Olympics right now?

I didn't even know it was on.

Holy shit.

Is it on or is it coming up?

Are you a gymnastics fanatic?

Do you tear up watching medal ceremonies?

Have track and field events inspired you to go for a run?

Who do they imagine?

I don't understand who

is that supposed to be like relatable to most people.

They want the host to say that.

Like, guys, like you, I cry while watching the Olympics medal ceremonies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In fact, I watched the track and field event and it inspired me to go for a run.

No, let's abandon the Summer Olympics.

Today we're talking about Liquid IV,

which, and this is an annoying part.

They want a personal endorsement.

This is the problem:

is we have sponsors where

they like, you know, oh, use the product and tell me if you like it.

And they all send stuff, right?

The problem is if I like something or Adam likes something, we take it home and then you don't see it on the show.

Right.

And that's actually what happened with the Liquid IV, is it's at my house, and I've been, it's in my water bottle here already.

So I don't have any, I don't have any of the actual product to tear open and pour into my water bottle.

Have you tried it?

Yeah, no, it's good.

But that's what I said.

Everyone I know is getting sick.

And this is the thing you also have to be careful about because it doesn't prevent you from getting sick, but staying hydrated is important across the board.

Right.

And then, you know, it's like a little, you know, it's like, you know, like, oh, I'll take some vitamins, you know, and then that'll prevent me from getting

HIV.

I had a big weekend, and I don't know, you know,

I'll take some vitamins and I'll be fine.

But no, I've been drinking the liquid IV out of

no, and that's the other thing that's funny about the name to me, liquid IV, because that's what...

That's like a

redundant.

Right.

An IV is already liquid.

Right.

You know what I mean?

They mean drinkable IV.

It's like being like caffeine.

But drinkable IV would be a stupid name.

Right.

It's not as sexy.

Yeah, yeah.

But liquid IV, it's like it's a packet that you pour into water, you pour it into your water bottle,

you shake it up, and then it's got

like you know electrolytes and stuff in it.

I want to see it.

Yeah, it's it's good.

They sent me a big bag,

and I'm hoping that they like this read because I want more of it for free.

I want more too.

So, walk listeners through the process.

How easy is mixing a convenient stick into a cold?

I mean, come on,

come on.

Who, like, what moron is like, I can't, well, I mean, that sounds great, but I can't mix.

I don't have the ability to put powder into a bottle and shake it up.

Of course, it's easy.

Right, right, right.

Of course, it's easy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is this the actual ad read?

This is the actual ad.

I'm not shit.

Well, it's just, I mean,

my job is to sell the product.

Right.

And it's easy.

Because sometimes people send us stuff.

We'll have sponsors that send us stuff.

And it's like, I'm never going to use this.

This is the dumbest thing in the world.

Like, what?

I can't do that.

Not on this one, but they'll send me stuff, and then it's like, you know, then it's a, then you really do have to be like, no, I mean, it's great.

Like, you know, this fucking stuff.

But when I actually use the thing, those end up being the worst reads because I'm like, I like it.

Yeah.

It's good.

I like it.

It tastes good.

You ever feel like a sellout where you're like, I don't even.

A sellout of what?

I don't have fucking integrity.

What the fuck?

People complain about podcasts.

Like, oh, it's all reads now.

It's like, were you under the impression that this was like art or like people were

doing podcasts?

And we're like, oh, that guy's like,

he's doing this for the people.

This is the dumb, this is like a stain on history.

Right, right.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's like the, and the amount of money that we're all making and it's like,

you know, it's like,

you know, they would complain in the Gilded Age because people were making too too much money, but they were building railroads and skyscrapers.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like, it's not, it's not 15 people.

Like, it's not,

you couldn't, I want to see like a, like an architect-style Matrix room.

And it's the last, it's the 10 minutes of this podcast prior to

me starting this ad read where I'm saying like and what the hell was he doing on the roof and then the screen over Rich Voss what the hell was he doing on the roof?

Fucking Shane, Matt, everyone.

We're all saying the same thing.

Right.

There's no difference.

Right.

And it's just now it's this industry where people say the most.

We just, I am just repeating things I saw on Twitter.

Yeah.

And I have the energy to do it.

It's important to stay hydrated when you do that.

And I do it with Liquid IV.

It's very important.

Describe what you like about the variety and true to flavor, true to fruit flavor of Liquid IV.

So here's the flavors.

We've got pear, strawberry, lemonade, sugar-free white peach, sugar-free raspberry, melon, and lemon lime.

I've got to be honest with you, I was not looking at the, I didn't, I've just flavors.

Yeah, I mean, I just down like probably five of these a day, and I'm pissing constantly.

And

yeah, so I go through them.

I haven't had one yet because you know how some things are like,

especially with candy, where you're like, oh, it's all, and then you get one, like a jelly bean or something.

It's like, oh, cat piss, you know, and you're like, why is this flavor?

Why is this one of the flavors?

Or like

Starbursts.

You know, everyone has one they like or don't like.

But for the most part, all of these I'd say are great.

What's your favorite flavor?

I don't have one, because I said

I wasn't looking at the, yeah, I was just, I was, I was just staying hydrated.

Now, talk about activities that pair well with liquid IV during a hot day or a warm night.

One, Googling Thomas Crookes over and over again for 16 hours straight.

Saying to yourself, okay, I got to stop.

I've got to stop this now.

Drinking some liquid IV, playing Doom Eternal until 4 a.m.

That was good for me.

That's good.

That was one of the activities.

Peeling yourself off the couch to say, I'm going to get some exercise today and going for a 10-minute walk.

Going for a quick 10-minute walk, burning off a cool 57 calories, according to the Apple Watch.

Coming home,

guess what?

Liquid IV time.

Now I'm hydrated.

Yeah.

Spending four and a half weeks saying, I think I'm getting sick, even though you're not.

You're just a bum.

You're just lazy.

I've been doing that a lot.

You'd probably be more sick if you didn't drink the IV.

Yeah.

Right.

Is the hydration multiplier perfect before, during, or and after workouts?

Well, I don't.

You can't ask me that.

You have to tell me.

What is this, a quiz?

I would imagine you would want to stay hydrated hydrated during a workout.

You work out?

I was back on track for a while, but then

I fell off like a month ago.

But I got to be back in.

You looked like muscular last time I saw you.

When was that?

Probably 15 years ago.

Six months ago.

I was like, he looks like he's been working out.

You know, no.

Honestly, no.

The answer is no.

I go to the gym.

I try to work out.

I've had trouble getting back into the gym.

When COVID hit, hit, I couldn't go lift weights anymore.

So I just kind of focused on diet and got lean.

And then when I went back to lifting weights, I was 33.

And

I dieted off a bunch of like, I changed my body composition.

I got lean, but I also lost a bunch of like strength and

muscle mass.

So getting back into the gym, and as you get, I don't know how old you are.

You're like, what, 27?

29?

29, yeah.

After I turned like, yeah, 30, it's like, it's not, it's, you can still build strength, but you're like connective tissue, I feel.

And this is not, I have no idea, but it feels like it takes longer to recover.

Yeah, your testosterone is probably a little lower.

It's not the testosterone.

It's that, like, you can still build muscle, but like your joints.

Like, your joints take.

So if you go do a set of heavy squats when you were 19, maybe your fucking knees are ready to go two days later.

But when you're older, it's like, you know, you need to make sure you warm up and you take time to do that.

And so I got back into the gym.

I'm not going to do a spot for another product, but it's not a competing product.

But

anyways, it doesn't matter.

Does Liquid IV help you recover after a long day trying to keep up with the kids?

I don't have kids.

I don't know.

But probably.

I got no kids.

Probably.

If you have children, you definitely need this stuff.

It would be good for microcene.

And honestly, he would benefit from switching to Liquid IV from his diet of what I can only assume is just gallons of chocolate milk every day.

Looking at him.

I look at him and I'm like, that's what?

Three, four gallons of chocolate milk daily.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he still wants more.

Yeah.

He can't get enough.

Talk about why you love traveling with liquid IV.

I love when the TSA agent pulls me aside and they say, what is this?

What is this?

Yeah.

And I'm like, it's a secret.

I can't tell you.

And then they pull me into the back room and

they're questioning me about it.

I'm wearing my Hezbollah t-shirt.

You know, I'm threatening people.

So it's mainly about that.

And then they say, okay, look, we were going to arrest you, but because you have this liquid IV, we know you're either a patriot or, you know, I don't know, something like that.

I love traveling with liquid IV, especially on the road.

You know, you got to, you got to, before the show, you got to take a massive amount of kratom, and that's probably not good for you.

You take kratom?

Yeah, on the road.

Really?

You know, it's good.

Well, because I don't like performing.

I don't like doing stand-up.

I mean, I like

the process, but I don't like being on stage.

You seem like you don't like doing anything.

No, that's not true.

No?

No, yeah.

I like doing stuff a lot.

It's just that I don't.

I've never.

You know how people

love performing?

I don't get a high from it.

It's like it really just feels.

No, yeah, it really just feels like.

It's like you crush for like an hour.

No.

Really?

Yeah, it's like...

Get the fuck out of here.

No, it just feels like having to go out in front of a room and talk to like 300 people.

It still feels like that.

It always does.

Wow.

And so, and then like the reality is I did stand up for

it was like the main thing I focused on probably like the first eight years of my career, but a lot of that I was drinking.

And then once I got sober, I kind of moved away from stand-up because I, I, like, it just doesn't, it's not comfortable.

It's not comfortable to go out on stage.

And then literally when I started touring again in 2022, I fell off the wagon and then I was like drinking on the road and then I can't do that yeah and then yeah I mean it's always yeah I just I don't yeah I mean it's yeah like yeah it's just nerves I don't are you back on the wagon um yeah other than taking kratom before I go on stage just take the edge off because that won't like I in your head if you drink and you go on stage you'll think like oh I'm like oh this is easy I'm doing great but then you watch it back and you're like oh I'm fucking trash this is like embarrassing right you know it doesn't make you better.

And then I don't see it.

I mean, in the crate, it might be the same thing, but it does feel like it's a little easier to think and kind of like get through things.

But when you come up with like a new idea you've never said before and you're on the road, yeah, and you do it and it kills, you don't get like a high off of that.

I mean, it is, it does feel good.

You're like, oh, good, that works.

But it's, it's mainly, yeah.

I mean, you don't get pumped.

You're like, it's not a natural thing to go on stage and talk to people.

Right.

It's not.

And it's funny, too, because after shows, I'll say hi to people and they're like, oh, you must hate this.

And I'm like, no, this part is normal.

This is like a normal interaction.

This I have no problem with.

You know what I mean?

Like, I have no problem just talking to people outside of a show.

But going on stage, the whole thing, like, okay, here's things I've said before.

It just makes less and less sense as I get older.

But anyways.

Liquid IV takes the edge off.

It makes it work a lot better.

Do you carry extra sticks with you to share with family?

Okay, I'm not, you know, it's, yeah, it's good stuff.

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I'm surprised they don't mention, I guess they want to avoid the like hangover thing because I feel like...

Oh, because that's usually what it's for.

That's what I see from other people, because I have it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, yeah, that stuff's great if you're hanging.

But I think they want to go more to sports kind of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Diversify a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, the sports thing.

So three times the electrolytes, it's good stuff.

Hydration multiplier, fucking cotton candy.

Proprietary amino acid allulose blend is liquid IV.

Here's the thing, too.

You can tell I'm getting through these words pretty easily, which I don't know if it has B12 in there, but I definitely was deficient.

And then I got my, I think, got my B12 back up.

I'm finding it easier to speak.

Anyways, we're back to the show.

So what I was saying is, how the hell was this guy on the roof for 20 minutes?

That was the longest I had to read ever.

Yeah.

I thought you were going to do that the whole show.

It was like a joke.

That was like QVC right there, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

That's great.

But yeah, no, I do love the, I do love calling it a hoax.

I do love saying that.

That's the other thing, too, is the people saying, like, oh, you know, if an AR-15 style bullet hit his, it would have blown his whole head off, you know?

And it's like,

do you know that?

Are you like, are you just assuming that that would have happened?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just the assertions of what a bullet would do to his ear.

What's weird is, like, I was watching the speech last night, and people in the crowd were wearing the band-aid thing, the white napkin thing.

Yeah.

And people online were like, you can't tell me this isn't a cult.

And I'm like, I don't know.

It seems like supporting.

What do you mean people in line?

You were

waiting to get in?

What happened?

In line, where?

No, online.

Oh, online.

Like, they were responding.

I thought you were waiting to get into the game.

No, I was not in Milwaukee last night.

Okay.

But like, you know, they're wearing that to like support, make him feel like normal.

But it's like if a kid has cancer, people shave their head.

Yeah.

It's like that kind of thing.

You know, I think that's stupid.

I think it's stupid.

It's stupid, but I don't think it's like a cult.

It's, but it's stupid, which is worse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What about the guy?

There have to have been people that were like at the shooting that were like high or tripping.

Yeah.

That must have been a lot of people.

There's one angle.

There's one angle that's like the perfect angle of the like video.

It's a guy 20 feet away and he's filming Trump from this side, like where he turns and where the bullet would have hit.

And he's filming him.

And right before the guy shoots, he turns the camera to himself and he's like, ah!

He like just fucking completely ruins what would have been.

Can you imagine the Zapruder film?

He just turns it around and he's like, we're on vacation in Dallas.

Oh, fuck, Tony Fox.

Yeah, right.

Fuck.

Dude, that's so funny.

Or the guy that went to the hot dog stand

or something or the bathroom jargon.

My favorite guy of the whole thing, too.

And that's the other thing.

All the conspiracy theories are brewing.

Is people take the main video, the one we saw on the CNN live feed, and they're zooming in on people in the back.

And it'll be like, I mean, they're Trump voters.

So this is like a 97-year-old woman, you know, who has like brain damage from fireworks smoke.

And she's like, there's shots somewhere, you know?

Like a gun goes off and you can't, maybe it's the sound is echoing off of like every object around you.

So maybe she doesn't even know what's happening.

But, you know, there's people like, what?

You know, and they're like, look at this person.

They're not ducking at all.

That's who did it.

Exactly.

I saw that.

You know, you're like pausing it.

They're like, look, she's not even responding.

Look at her.

Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, dude, that's not how it goes, bro.

That's so funny, dude.

Yeah.

I think that seals the deal for him.

Like, when?

In the election?

Yeah.

I don't know about that.

You don't really?

I think, honestly,

I don't think any deal has been sealed yet, but the post-debate reaction from the media and Democrat donor class has been kind of fucking insane.

They're doing everything they can.

Like, I mean, I don't know.

I don't know anything about anything.

But

Biden should be the nominee it's like his debate performance yes that was fucking terrible but like I thought we were all lying to ourselves about his obvious decline you know what I mean this was an issue in 2020 and the debate performance is the worst so far but like

That's the candidate, you know, just be like, yeah, it's a bad debate performance, you know, let's move on.

But immediately post-debate, the CNN panel is like, we need to put him down.

We need to send him to a farm where he can live with other dogs.

It's like they want to kill him, basically.

And that has not let up.

And it's like now it's every single day he's saying something embarrassing.

And they, you know, even

people that were his supporters kind of like hyper-fixate on it.

And now they're really pushing this guy out of the fucking race without a clear replacement lined up.

You know, I don't like

it.

First of all, it has to be Kamala Harris.

Right.

You can't, if you just skip her, it's like, especially, you know, like I talked to my dad about it.

He's like, I don't know.

I really think if you got two white guys, and I'm like, what are you just, you're now, you're just racist.

He's like, people will vote for that.

I'm like, what people?

You can't see it.

What do you mean?

He's like, maybe Gavin Newsome and Larry Hogan.

He's like, you know, like a Gavin Newsome, Larry Hogan unity ticket.

And I'm like, you're insane.

Yeah.

Who, first of all, do you know who Larry Hogan is?

I never knew that.

He's like the former governor of Maryland, but he looks like a pig demon.

He looks like he has his nipples pierced and he lives in hell, and that his job is to punish the gays sent to hell.

That's his demon role.

Right.

I like this guy already.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, pretty good.

But

I don't know.

I mean,

the reaction to Biden's debate performance is shocking.

It's like they're just doing everything they can to push him out of the race.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is when I knew he was fucked when they introduced him at the debate and he's walking up to the podium also.

He's like, hey, yeah,

thanks for having me.

It's good to be here.

And I was like, oh, he doesn't know no one's here.

Yeah, right.

You know what I mean?

Well, I think he was saying that to Jake Tapper.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, there was a lot.

And then he had this interview with B.E.T.

yesterday, right?

And he's talking, he couldn't remember Lloyd Austin's name.

And I don't know what the question was.

And he goes, it's about treating people with dignity.

You know, for example, look at all the heat I'm getting for who I named as

Secretary of Defense,

the black man.

No.

Yeah, and then he goes, anyways,

Katanji Brown.

He just says Katanji Brown.

Like, he just first of all calls Lloyd Austin the black man.

You know, but it's, here's the thing.

I think like why people voted for Donald Trump, even though he's lying, it's that there's a there's a type of negative charisma that he has where it's not that

people

muddle the idea of factuality and the truth with the idea of authenticity.

And this is why Vinnie Beadle is a great example of this.

No, here's what I mean.

Because

being authentic does not mean being honest.

It does not mean being honest about material reality.

Being authentic means that this is a person that people can have an easy read on and they're not trying.

If they are trying to manipulate them, it's because

their attempts at that manipulation is perceived in sort of a monolithic way.

Vinny, like,

Vinny is a scumbag.

Vinny lies to people.

Vinny will, like, you know, scam people and take their money.

But that's because he's scumbag Vinny.

He embraces it.

Not only does he embrace it, but it is, that is his identity.

Yeah.

You know, and that's something that people can cleave to in a weird way.

This will sound crazy, but I think you need to trot.

First of all, all the talk about Biden dropping out.

He might drop out today.

I don't know.

But like, full weight should go behind Joe Biden.

And after the debate performance, they should have had something more embarrassing.

You know, if that BET interview came out where he's calling Lloyd Austin the black man right after the debate performance, calling Zelensky Putin right after the debate performance, that kind of stuff, if you do enough of it, eventually it will ingratiate people to the idea of Joe Biden, the senile moron, you know, and then it

creates a sense of authenticity.

They're like, wow, this guy can't get a fucking sentence out, right?

Yeah.

And I can trust that.

I can trust that aspect of him.

I can trust that that is his identity.

And then,

separate from that, you have a platform.

You have policy that he's running on.

And the reality is, it's like the economy is doing pretty good, all things considered.

You know, it's like,

yeah, I don't think like there's a question about whether there's still a soft landing versus, you know, like a recovery.

You know, we've we've avoided a recession.

I don't know if that's happening or not.

I don't know anything about economics.

But the reality is, is like the stock market looks pretty good.

The jobs report comes out every month.

There's more.

They revise it down, you know, a month later.

But the jobs are still being added.

Unemployment's creeping up.

And then there's a debt crisis.

But we've had a debt crisis for a very long time.

So I don't like,

if the Biden administration can figure out, I don't think there's going to be a resolution with like the Israel-Palestine stuff or Ukraine before the election, but the economy's good, you know?

Yeah.

And

if all Biden is is just like

a two-million-year-old retard that says dumb shit every single day, if he can laugh about it, which he does, you know, they're trying, they're trying that.

He's like, oh, you know, I had a bad performance or I'm not, you know, I'm not like, you know, I'm not a spring chicken anymore.

I think if there's a way you can just sort of navigate that and create this idea of Joe Biden being a stupid grandpa with like a good platform, I think, you know, yeah, you could win the election.

How do you think Vinnie would do running for president?

Bad, yeah, probably pretty bad.

Probably pretty bad, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you voting for Trump?

Are you voting for Biden?

I've never voted for anyone.

Oh, okay.

Have you...

Who are you voting for?

Yeah, I vote, but I mean, I always throw my vote away.

You just

some random?

Yeah, I mean, I would probably vote for Jill Stein, I guess, in November, which it'll be me and, what, five other people?

Right.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

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It's pronounced Fume, and that's F-U- with an umlaut, M.

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It looks like Adam's taking the other one home.

But basically, it's like this little heavy, weighted, flavored air device.

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like oils or something in the cartridge that just sort of flavors the air.

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nobody yeah yeah i tell you what if if i'm the secret service and i got my gun aimed on that guy and i'm like is this guy a threat you know yeah and then he takes one shot and go i don't know this is looking pretty bad bam bam two more shots he kills two people and i'm like i think we got a problem here right should we shoot this guy that's shooting right and then bam bam bam bam Now we're up to maybe shot six.

And this is where after he fired six shots,

I think there was 11 more seconds before they finally shot him back.

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What if that was the only information they had on him?

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We don't know what his politics are.

But he had a fume.

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A lot of stuff on the do not say list, but not that.

Guess who forgot to put don't talk about Thomas Crooks on the do not say list.

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I think I covered everything here.

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Really?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they're good.

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Try it out.

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Yeah, bring it to the next rally, you know?

Maybe.

All right, we're back.

We're back.

Talking about the shooting.

Yes.

So do you have any theories about it?

Because that's the thing you really, I would, I think, you know, focus on more is that there's no information on this guy.

And how did he get up on the roof?

That seems like a security failure.

And

why did it take so long for them to do anything?

And why'd they let him stand back up after?

I don't think it was a hoax.

I think it's really fascinating how he turned his head, though.

Yeah.

At that split second.

And if he didn't, it would have just gone right through his head.

Yeah.

I mean, that's crazy, dude.

Yeah.

I don't.

Was his whole ear blown off?

Or is it just like an ear pierce?

Yeah, it went in.

Wouldn't it blow the ear off?

That's what people are saying, but it's like, explain why it would blow the ear off.

Well, because when a bullet hits anything, usually you see it go push.

Well, not when it hits anything, when it hits specific things.

Right.

I guess it depends on the mass of the object that it's hitting.

Yeah, there's there's a lot of stuff.

I mean, it's when you have you shot a gun before?

Yeah.

At where?

At a shooting range?

Yeah.

And you shot

a target, presumably.

Yeah.

And it was paper?

Yeah.

And what did the bullet do to the paper?

Did it blow up?

Yeah, right, exactly.

That's true, yeah.

Yeah, that's interesting.

I mean, there's nothing in your ear.

There's nothing for it to like, it's not like it's going to

tumble or blow up.

I mean, yeah, you shoot somebody in the head, it's like gathering all your fucking brain mass and your skull and

blowing everything out.

he seems pretty like humbled

yeah well is he though like just kind of his like

reaction like on camera and stuff he seems like kind of like he's been like a new man you know what i mean like kind of like divine intervention kind of thing like that's probably a thing where it takes a while to i mean maybe it doesn't maybe it's like you know you think oh this is a near-death experience and you can understand it intellectually but it's also like well nothing happened you know what i mean sometimes people are affected affected in that way, and sometimes they aren't.

Right.

You know, there's people that are like, oh, my God.

When 9-11 happened, I was planning a trip to Cancun in September, and unfortunately, I didn't have the money, so I canceled.

But I was this close to dying.

Because I would have had to fly.

Make it a matter of time.

And then they turn it into this whole fucking thing.

And then some other people, they get shot in the fucking ear, and they're like, oh, damn.

What's funny is that...

Thank God nothing happened.

People that even hate his guts, they were reposting that fist pump picture.

They're like, I hate this guy, but this is pretty badass.

You know what I mean?

So I think he's going to win over people like that too a little bit.

I don't know.

I mean, I don't, again, I don't know anything about polling, but it's like, I don't, he was a pretty unpopular candidate.

It's not like.

Yeah.

It's not like, you know,

if

this was, if there is some kind of deeper plot, you know, I imagine that they were

perceiving there would be some kind of like, they would have to declare martial law after this.

You know, I mean,

there would be a lot of retaliatory violence, probably.

Yeah, I was talking about it on stage the other night.

I was like, Trump got shot, and some lady goes, hey, he got nicked.

Yeah.

And I was like, that's wild, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

He got nicked.

Right.

Like, which is, which is being shot.

Right.

With a bullet.

Right.

I'm like, lady, if you got shot, you'd be fucking posting about it every year.

Yeah.

Like, one year ago, I got shot.

You know what I mean?

I was like, just saying he got nicked is like crazy, dude.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It'd be funny, like, if he tries to...

I'm surprised he hasn't tried to sell parts of his ear.

I don't think they recovered the ear.

Like, little bits.

Yeah.

That's the other thing.

Because even like Keith Olberman and Joyanne Reed are like on, I don't, does Keith Olbermane even have a show anymore?

I don't.

It seems like he's just in like a, he just lives in like a children's playroom in someone's house in Santa Monica.

Every time I see Keith Olbermann, he's like, this is the end of democracy.

And it's like, there's just, why is there like the hungry caterpillar behind you?

He's like, in just like this, you know, this like sunny playroom.

You know what I mean?

Does he have a, he's not on TV anymore.

I don't watch any news.

I don't watch TV.

Is he?

He does not have a show.

He's got a podcast.

Yeah, exactly.

And like, and he lives in a room with a carpet that has like a city on it with roads and he's like just playing with toy cars all day long he's got the alpha this is fascism but him and joyanne reed have both said that uh

that they're like oh yeah i mean joyanne reed was like

you know it's like it's crazy that it has been two days and we still have no medical information we have not heard from a doctor about like what what what his condition is about his ongoing treatment it just seems a little weird to me that we don't know what actually happened.

It's like, well, he got shot in the ear.

And it's like, yeah, but we don't have any confirmation of that.

And it's like, there's a video of it happening from nine different angles.

Yeah, what more proof is that?

There's up-close pictures of his ear bleeding.

You know, and they're like, yeah, but we don't know if it was glass from a teleprompter.

Here's pictures of the teleprompter.

They're fully intact.

Right.

There's not,

which teleprompter?

Where did the glass, what happened?

What are you talking about?

It's like, what more proof is that?

And they'll just keep coming back to, oh, well, we don't, you know, it's just very weird.

We don't have any.

And then they're fixating on this thing where it's like, oh, well,

if the teleprompter got shot and glass hit him, then I guess it's all the whole thing's sort of a.

Did the teleprompter get shot?

No.

Oh, okay.

No, he definitely got shot in the ear.

I feel like when he does outside speeches now, there's going to be a whole shield of plexiglass.

Well, that's the other thing.

He does outside speeches because he, like, it costs way more to use like an arena or something, and he just doesn't pay his bills.

So there's like he he owes all this money to different venues, even from like, I think, 2016.

Yeah.

So they do the outside events, even though they're much harder to secure because he's just scumbag Vinnying.

Basically, yeah.

That's the other thing about it is like he's like, like, Democrats are trying to figure out a way to say it, but it's like this thing happens and it's bad, and you shouldn't, there's no room for political violence, but at the same time, it's like he's still Donald Trump.

Right.

You know?

Because he didn't put it in.

Which I would not put it past, like, it makes sense that he would want to be killed.

But my perception of Donald Trump has always been that, like, he's he's not actually a populist.

It's like he can he d he does what Fox News did for ten years, which is, you know, say, oh, well, it's immigrants and, you know, these things, and they want to put trans they want trans people sucking off your kid in elementary school.

And he's like, oh, he just kind of fearmongers, and he has the...

But then when he gets in the White House, it's like his Wall Street friends and Jared Kushner dictating foreign policy and what happens.

And it's like that.

If there was a deep state, I don't understand what their problem with Donald Trump would actually be.

Right.

You know what I mean?

So it's like, well, who, who would, if like, I don't, I don't think political assassinations happen just because it's like Democrats and Republicans.

You know, that's not really the way it works.

It's deeper than that.

Yeah.

You're really into politics, huh?

No.

No?

No.

No, it's just fun.

That's the thing is, like,

with any conspiracy theories, because you asked me if I was, and I am.

But you got to always.

You got to always find your own.

It's like doing impressions.

You can

engage in the popular ones, but you got to find your own where you're like, well, but you know what my thing is.

Right.

You know, and then people, you always see people that are new to conspiracy theories.

They'll be like, you know what I think?

Who's hiding a blood packet?

It's like you read that a million times on the internet today.

Right.

That's not what you think.

You're stealing conspiracy theories.

You're stealing it from from a bunch of people as dumb as you said that.

It's like a hack.

Yeah.

To just, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's

all I have.

Because there is a creative.

And the other thing, too, is I'm a humanist.

I believe in the creative spirit, and I think that conspiracy theories reflect something positive about humanity.

I think there is a creative aspect of it.

It's free will.

Well, it's because people are, you know, they're driven by a narrative, which I think is a creative will.

I think is like a good thing.

Even though it does, like, I think that also leads to

gossip and social media harassment and stuff.

But the genesis of it, I think, is a good thing about people.

Yeah.

But gossiping is fun.

People can't help it.

Yeah.

No matter what happens.

Like, you ever have someone tells you a secret and they're like, keep this between you and me.

And then afterwards, you just call somebody else.

I don't think there's ever been a secret I've ever kept in my entire life.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

I'm immediately immediately telling 15 people and saying, I really don't think he wanted me telling.

I have

literally never,

never.

This is how you disassociate.

You go, you didn't hear this from me.

Yeah.

Which is basically saying, spread it like wildfire.

Just don't say my name.

Yeah.

No, people can't avoid a hot piece of gossip, man.

It's just human nature.

You know what I mean?

Well, what do you think?

I'm desperate.

I feel like I've just yelled at you for an hour.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

You gotta, you gotta,

you gotta, come on, man.

I didn't sleep well.

I'm a little, I'm a little hypo-manic.

I was up till

I got back into the Doom Eternal, which I never finished in 2020.

What is that, a game?

Oh, really?

Yeah, what a.

It's a lot of fun.

Yeah, I don't know.

I talked to Scumbag Vinny about it.

Pete, you play Doom Eternal?

Well, just, I'm podcasting with Pete now.

Oh, amazing.

Yes.

You ever play Mass Effect?

No, I'm not a big video game guy.

Yeah, I don't.

You made him what?

Yeah, how did you make him?

Have you played Mass Effect before?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

And you're playing one?

I'm playing one.

Amazing.

Yeah.

You don't go out at all, right?

To the clubs.

No, because whenever I see you.

Did you see somebody say that?

No, just because I never see you.

So you never leave your apartment, huh?

Well, you're like Bigfoot.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Anytime anyone sees you, they're like, oh, yeah.

Well, I'm just saying, I don't really do stand.

I mean, I do stand-up.

I go on the road and I do it.

Which, by the way, I will be in Dallas at Hyenas, at Fort Worth, in Hyenas next week.

Great club.

Yeah, 27, 28.

It's great clubs.

A lot of fun.

Fort Worth

stinks, but the club's great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The big room, yeah.

Yeah, especially

that might be.

It's just there's just nothing down there.

Really?

Yeah.

We're the club.

I just did that a couple months ago.

It's like that's crazy having like tour because I didn't really tour heavily, like really at all until two years ago.

Really.

And like going around the country and there's like so many cities where they have these big downtown areas that are just empty.

Really.

And it's like, does anyone live in America?

I don't, like, what.

It's just the same thing in every city.

I mean, they're similar, but yeah, they're just, yeah, it's just like kind of.

yeah, that, and then I will be at the Lincoln Theater in D.C.

and the Beacon Theater in Boston, and those are sometime in September.

Look at that.

Can I plug something?

Yes, absolutely.

Come out to the comedy store August 6th, L.A., pay baby.

It's a Tuesday.

And then my 30th birthday show at the stand, August 11th, Sunday.

So that's going to be a great show, too.

Happy birthday.

Yeah, I'm turning 30.

And

yeah, I used to go to AA meetings when I was like 18, 19.

I never went to the stage.

And first of all,

18-year-olds aren't alcoholics.

Yeah, they tricked me, dude.

You're 18 years old.

I went to an AA meeting and they had me fill out like a thing, like, yes, no, do you, like, has this ever happened to you?

And if you get like three or more yeses, they're like, you're an alcoholic.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

So they brainwashed me.

Yeah.

And my buddy, Corey,

I think if you're young, like you're young, you're just bad at drinking.

Yeah, and you missed it.

And there's people like, oh, I was an alcoholic because I would black out all the time.

It's like, yeah, but but you're blacking out off of like nine beers.

Right.

You know, I mean, it's like, right, you threw up.

Yeah, right.

There's a, yeah, exactly.

And it's like, you're not really an alcoholic until you're like maybe 27 and you're like drinking because you're like, well, I got to go check the mail.

Right.

And one of the questions on the survey was like, have you ever had someone get alcohol for you?

And I was like, yes.

And I'm like, well, I'm 18.

Yeah, right.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, my buddy Corey,

you ever watch The Sopranos?

Yeah.

yeah, yeah, his sponsor was the guy that played Ralphie Sephoretto Joey Pants.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he introduced me to this guy, Joey Pants, and he became my sponsor.

Yeah, it's funny because like Joe, Joey Pants is like a famous actor.

Yeah, exactly.

This is in Connecticut.

And so when he that was my second AA meeting, so when he introduced me to him, I was like, holy shit, that's my favorite character from the Sopranos.

Yeah.

So I convinced myself I'm an alcoholic so I can just keep hanging out with this guy.

That's good.

You feel like all the mediums you do now, it's like.

Like prank calls.

Prank calls, I think.

Prank calls I always held in like high regard.

Really?

Yeah.

I did, like, I guess you call an album of like an old man.

I would be playing, but I'd pretend to be an old man.

I would call stores and try to keep them on the phone for like 30, 40 minutes at a time.

Really?

Yeah, with just like the dumbest inquiries possible.

Interesting.

Like, when I called a shoe store and I said that my family got me a pair of ASICs for my birthday, and every morning I take a 20-minute walk to the end of the street and back home.

But since they got me the new shoes, the walk is only lasting 10 minutes.

And so I'm worried that the shoes are too fast.

And I called the store and asked them if they sold weights that we could put on the shoes or a different type of, if there's some adjustment I could make to the shoes.

And then this guy just had to like patiently explain to me that like, no, you've just gotten faster.

And it's like, you know, you just

but if you do it as an old man and you just don't understand that, you don't understand what that means.

It's like, well, the only thing that changed is the shoes, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

So, what can we do to these shoes to make them slower?

And then just never hang up.

You just don't.

Just try to keep them on as long as possible.

Yeah, just fucking really give this guy something to talk about when he goes home.

It's like those movies where the hostage person calls the FBI and they're trying to keep him on to see where he's at.

Yeah.

So again,

Dallas or Fort Worth, July 27th, 28th.

Comedy Store, August 6th, Los Angeles.

And New York City, Stand, August 11th, my birthday show.

All right.

My dinner with Andre concluded.

You ever see that movie?

No.

My Dinner with Andre?

I've heard it.

It's a great movie.

Yeah.

You're in it.

Yeah.

There's a guy named Andre that a guy has dinner with.

I'm going to have to check it out, dude.

Yeah, it's about, yeah, it's about this guy who has dinner with a guy named Andre.

I appreciate you not slamming me with Asian jokes this whole podcast.

Is that people's perception of me?

No, no, no.

It's just that when they come in, I'm going to be like, oh,

dude.

What?

Look at his eyes.

Are you kidding me?

It's just, that's what happens like most podcasts I go on.

Yeah.

They just make like ching-chong jokes.

And that's got to be annoying, right?

That's not like...

That's so annoying.

You're not like, oh, ha ha, ha, this is good.

I mean, I don't even really even talk about it on stage.

Are you Korean?

Yeah, I'm Korean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you go to Korea?

Have you visited?

Yeah, I've been like a bunch of times in my childhood.

Yeah, I want to go.

Hey, you should go.

Yeah, well, I don't really.

You seem like you like Asian culture.

Well, there's a lot of cultures there.

Yeah.

I just feel like I haven't done enough traveling, but I don't really...

I got to figure other things out first.

You ever go to like Japan or anything?

I want to save all the traveling for when I'm like...

I wouldn't want to be one of those old people that just goes on cruises all the time.

Really?

You know what I mean?

Or like, you know, you go...

But like nice cruises.

Right.

If those exist, I don't know.

But I would, yeah, I can do the traveling when.

Because you get older and you have more of an appreciation for history and stuff.

Because you get closer to death and then you realize how short life is.

And it's like suddenly 100, 200 years ago isn't that far away.

Yeah.

You seem like you would like Korea.

Don't go to China.

Why?

I got really sick there when I was a kid.

I almost died.

Of what?

I don't know.

It was just like, it was like post-SARS.

So I think I got like an off-brand SARS thing.

I had like a 102 fever.

They brought me to like the ghetto as a hospital.

It was like a warehouse.

There's like rats running along the ground.

You know, the lights like kind of like hanging and flickering and shit.

It was like a Call of Duty game kind of shit.

So I wouldn't go to China if I were you.

Yeah, when we went to Tokyo a couple of years ago, there was a guy who worked in China.

It was a Mandarin translator, a white guy.

But he lived in Tokyo.

I'm like, but you work in China?

He's like, yeah, China sucks.

He's like, so I just live here.

And if I have to go to work, I'll commute.

I'll go to China from Tokyo.

But he would prefer to just work remotely and live in Tokyo.

Right.

Tokyo is cool.

Yeah.

So, all right, thanks, guys.

Good night.

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