The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61

Welcome to the Adam Freedland Show podcast.

We got a special guest.

You guys want to introduce yourselves?

That's Sean Patton.

That's not introducing yourself.

That's a friendly.

And that's Ryan Donegan.

Wow.

That's kind of your shtick.

It's kind of an Abaddon Costello kind of.

Yep.

Yeah, we point at each other and just.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yep, that was cute.

Yeah, yeah.

So you guys,

they're coming on the podcast to promote their new podcast.

And then I was like, what's it called?

They're like, I don't know.

Yeah, we don't know what it is.

We don't have have a name yet.

Do you have microphones?

Like, what do you got?

Yeah, we got all the stuff.

No, we got all the stuff.

We got a video.

It looks sexy.

Microphones.

We got a camera.

We got a Chad.

I was saying to you guys before, you guys are getting into podcasting.

This is the right time.

Absolutely.

We felt now was the time to push all the chips in.

Either you could,

like, you're early right now.

It seems that way.

You guys are early to the point.

I just didn't want to be the last human being on earth without a podcast.

Yeah.

I feel like I'm close.

I'm close to to it.

For me, I believe in an eye of a storm.

And I think that's what we're in right now.

It's about to pick back up.

The eye of what's

the podcast profit storm.

No, I think this is like podcast.

I think this is the wave of the future, really.

And I think you guys are getting in.

It's like you bought Apple stock in 1996.

As a man who lost $10,000 in Bitcoin, I think I'm doing exactly the right thing.

I didn't know.

Wait, I probably would have not have agreed to do a podcast with you if you had told me.

Really?

Everyone did.

Everyone did?

Yeah.

I know.

I didn't.

I factually did not.

I didn't begin.

You didn't?

What did you lose money on?

Fucking iced coffee, bro.

I'm terrible with money.

I have $7 for this shit.

What, this?

The iced coffee.

Yeah.

Yeah, so who's making bad investments when you think about it, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All I'm saying is I feel like we're about five years away from podcasts being mandatory by law.

Like, you have to have a podcast.

Please.

If you don't have a podcast, are you even a human?

Please,

Generalissimo, Emperor Trump, please make everyone.

Everyone has to have a podcast.

Honestly, if he started one, it would be over.

No one would listen to any other podcast other than that.

Who would General?

Trump.

If Trump had a podcast, it'd be incredible.

How is that actually not a thing yet?

He hasn't found out about it yet.

He just doesn't,

he thinks it's all.

It hasn't hit 70-year-olds.

It's just hitting like 50 and 60, and it's going to go.

He's 70?

Aren't they 80?

Yeah, they're pushing 80.

Well, they're both.

It's funny whenever people are.

What is time?

All the insults Trump people launch at Biden.

It's like, you know, your boy's right fucking there, right?

He's like six months from the same shit.

I will say he carries it better.

He looks more like that.

Rational thought.

He's not doing it like Biden's doing it.

Oh, wait, wait.

Being old.

Being old.

Trump doesn't strike me as young and virile.

Viral.

Is that the word?

Viral?

Viral?

He's viral.

Viral?

The man is viral.

He's very viral.

We can't deny that.

We can't agree to viral.

No, I mean,

I think, I mean,

in comparison, he sounds amazing.

Yeah,

I think Biden just sounds old and just sounds old.

Dead.

But Trump sounds crazy.

It sounds like dementia rattled.

If you close your eyes during that debate,

what I would imagine is two gentlemen wearing a barrel with suspenders

that are talking about.

About who's going to go first down the waterfall?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why was that a thing back in the day?

Why not?

It doesn't seem like a good idea.

It was like doing you're not going to survive Niagara Falls.

It was like doing cocaine during the pandemic.

There was no hope.

There was no hope.

There's nothing else to do.

Yeah.

It's the dust bowl.

Go down in a barrel if you come out,

become president.

Exactly.

Yeah, you're a sharecropper.

Everything is dust.

I'm going to go up to Niagara and get me a barrel.

Old Niagara.

I'm going to go up to Old Niagara.

Old Niagara.

Yeah, get me a barrel.

And then what happens?

You get pussy after that?

You get a medal?

You get a lot of pussy.

If the president shakes your hand.

I feel like that's a.

If you go, if you survive any death-defying stunt, you're guaranteed at least one round.

Really?

Of a hoop skirt lady.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, a little bo peep looking ass bitch.

There's just, yeah.

There's definitely.

Oh, that was nice.

I feel like, I mean, it probably wasn't called a waterfall until the first time a guy fell down it in a barrel.

Really?

It was probably called like a water, a river.

It was called a dead river.

I think it was.

It's where the river dies.

This is what TLG was singing about.

You're doing that thing where we're comedians hanging out, but you're doing your A materials right now.

You're doing your.

It was called a water.

I've heard that on Springfield.

Listen, I'm running my special right now.

Come on, dude.

It was just hanging a special right now.

Can we just hang out normally?

This guy always does.

He's always doing this.

He's like, always doing this.

I bet you it was called a water.

I got an hour on a set of one.

I said dead water.

A dead river.

It was called a dead river?

It's called a dead river.

Depressed river.

Spot.

Depressed river.

Where it goes down.

Yeah, yeah.

That's nice.

Can I worry about it?

Yeah.

I'm doing it right now for the special.

It's called a Dead River.

And then a guy went down it in a barrel.

Dead River Podcast.

That kind of worked.

Dead River podcast is pretty good.

Not bad.

Did we just named the podcast?

I think we might have.

The Dead River.

We'll find out.

Dead River.

What about Dead Woman Podcast?

Oh, what about, yeah, yeah,

like murdering people.

That's every podcast.

Slowly.

It's literally every podcast.

What, Dead Women Podcast?

Yeah, it's all like and then another woman died.

You know what would be a $5 billion idea for a podcast?

Let's hear it.

As you interview death row inmates, like the day before they go get zapped or shot or whatever.

Zapped?

Oh, I suppose in the chair.

Yeah, yeah.

I was picturing like a bot.

Lethal.

Oh, yeah.

Or gas.

So scary.

Or fucking.

What would you pick?

If you had to pick a way to die, what would you pick?

Way to die?

Not die.

Like on death row.

Zapped.

On death row?

Lethal injection, or apparently, what was the third one?

Gas?

You think they do gas?

I think they still do that, right?

Really?

Maybe not.

Seems hard.

It's more sensitive.

Yeah.

Lethal injection fucks up all the time.

You know that.

Yeah, so does the electric chair, apparently.

I don't think they do it anymore, do they?

Do people still ride the lightning?

I mean, dude, don't fucking don't fucking.

I don't know.

You ever say ride the lightning around a Metallica fan, but you're not referring to the album?

What, no?

And they start talking about Metallica albums?

I'm doing my A-material.

That's a good bit.

Dude, that was in your first special, dude.

You ever say ride the Lightning around a Metallica?

No, but I said Metallica's gay once around a Metallica fan.

And what happened?

I found turns out it was James Hetfield.

Yeah.

Wow.

And he's like, how did you know, dude?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

That's the lead single.

That's a wow.

Yeah.

He's like, how'd you know that it was gay?

You have such cool friends, Adam.

Did you just do this thing where you called yourself gay?

No, it was called.

I don't know.

I don't really know.

I was.

I don't know.

It was a flip.

It's weird that they had bands like that where it was like telling scary stories for

people are like, this is badass.

Like to metal.

Yeah, yeah.

to drums, and then you go to sleep, and there's a, there's a, you're gonna get killed.

Yeah, it's like baby stuff.

Often never, never land.

It's like a mix of like, but that's actually Peter Pan.

Yeah, exactly.

It's like, it's not, it's for babies.

Yeah, but it was like, but that's happy, though.

Like, never never land.

It was like, chill.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm doing.

Yeah, that's

what, you know?

Yeah, and then there's a like, go to sleep, we're gonna go fly.

There's a crocodile with a bomb in his stomach.

We're gonna go fuck it.

And then Smee, maybe a little bit in love with Captain Huckleberry.

Maybe a little bit homeronic.

All of the Metallica songs are just Master of Puppets.

Who doesn't love puppets?

Yeah, what adult is going to a puppet show?

Exactly.

It's all lullabies for children.

Yeah.

Take that.

Kirk Hammett.

What's it called?

Kirk Hammett.

Kirk Hammett.

Jason.

What's it called?

How do I know all of it?

Robert Trudillo.

No, Robert Trugilo.

Justin Trudeau.

Robert Trugilo.

Trugilo?

Jason.

Newstead?

No, he's not in the band anymore.

Did you ever see some kind of monster?

Yeah, I did.

It's multiple times.

So good.

Yeah, multiple bands.

So good.

When they have a therapy session with Dave Mustaine about how he left.

He cries the whole time?

It's amazing.

It's just like a Metallica documentary.

It's a documentary, yes.

I think we've probably talked about all this on Come Town.

It's the best podcast of all time.

Maybe you just call it Come Town, really.

Come Town's not a bad thing.

Names available.

Yeah, that's interesting.

I like

it.

Can we do Seaman Municipality?

No, no, no.

You got to just steal the IP.

Nick had said publicly before that he doesn't believe in intellectual property, and people just steal from us constantly.

So I think you guys, I mean, you're our friends at least.

At least steal from us, you know.

What were we saying?

Yeah, no, Sunpride Monster is amazing.

It's complimentary about Metallica.

Yeah, especially as us, like, you know, touring nightclub comedians, we could really relate

kind of rocks our lifestyle.

Absolutely.

Sometimes I get drink tickets at bar shows.

Yeah, yeah.

I know when I have to go do an auction at Christie's to get rid of some of my art that was clogging up the place.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I'm like, ah, you know, Lars had to do this, man.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Some kind of monster.

I remember fucking Napster.

Napster is pissing me off, dude.

Fuck that.

People are downloading my act on Napster.

They are.

When I have to hire a new bassist and I offer him a million dollars flat just to join the band, I think about

Metallica had to do this too, man.

Yeah.

When I got in.

You got a bassist on stage with me now.

When I got in a bus accident and one of the guys when Stav died in that bus accident.

Which was crazy.

That's so much.

I was like, this is just like Metallica.

Yeah, yeah.

You told him not to sleep on that side.

Yeah, yeah.

But I found out he faked his death.

Yep.

Yeah, yeah.

He's come back as the fastback.

I saw him on, I saw him.

He's huge.

It was weird when he faked his death, but then also sold out six shows in Baltimore.

Everyone was.

This is a terrible time to not be a Metallica fan.

I have no idea what's going on.

It's not a game.

I'm having a seizure.

The few things we know about Metallica.

We do quite a lot worth of things.

Actually, I'm kind of an expert on Metallica.

I was about to say, are we, should we open, should this podcast just be called The Metallica?

Do you remember it?

The Metallica is a good name.

The Metallica.

Lars is going to be chill with that for sure.

His attitude to

but it's funny.

When I said Napster, I was just reminded.

You remember LimeWire, the other downloading one?

Kind of.

My friend, when we were like 15, my friend was like, I'm fucking sick of not getting pussy.

And I was like, yeah, we all are, dude.

Like, he's like, I'm fucking sick.

I can't stand it.

And so he came back to school the next day and he was like,

I downloaded these lectures off of LimeWire by this guy.

What was his name?

It was the guy Nick Mullen.

No, no, no.

Nick doesn't do lectures about how to get pussy.

I can assure you that.

Oh, the dude, the guy that Tom Cruise played.

The guy that was, Tom Cruise was based on

Ross something.

What's his name?

I couldn't remember.

Jeffrey Ross.

No, now I'm pissed off.

Now I have to find it.

So he's like, he downloaded lectures and he's like, yeah, this guy tells you how to get pussy.

I was like, I was like, that's not going to work, bro.

And I was like, what?

And then he literally fucked at school three days later.

No.

I swear to God.

Really?

Yeah.

Another student?

Yeah.

Or it was like a, or it was like a, here's what you're saying.

Ross Jeffries.

Oh, of course, Ross Jeffries.

And I was like, I was like, what do you do?

And he's like, you have to ask a woman like her biggest like trauma and then touch her like arm at her.

And I was like, that sounds evil, dude.

I was like, we're 15.

That still sounds evil.

But he was so correct.

And then he's like, also, you have to run something called patterns.

And I was like, what are those?

And he's like, you put like, it was like subliminal messaging.

He's like, you put like a...

Oh, like you plant seeds.

Yeah, like.

I always thought that women are blow me.

And I was like.

And I was like, I was like, bro, that's not going to work.

Fucked in the, in the A V room.

three days later, dated that girl for the next two years and had her saved in his phone as well.

Did they have sex again?

She was bitch.

Can I copy your notes from third period?

Shit on my face.

He's the coolest guy.

He's honestly the greatest guy I ever met.

And the rest of us, it took years before we fucked.

So this Magnolia fellow, he just figured out the late gal brain, and then he sort of told everyone about it?

Yes.

It was.

Oh, roster.

No, he was like a pickup artist.

He was like an early, like, guys that would do

lectures for

in cells.

Yeah, but at least...

Those guys were trying to get pussy, you know?

I suppose it's a thing to aspire to.

I don't like in-cell.

like it's mean that people are like these are the most dangerous members of society what incels it's the it's not getting pussy is the worst thing in the world i would say we're not going to double down on it by being like not only are you a fucking loser but you're osama bin laden about it everyone's an incel during the day i just i also just well i think it's just the guys who actually believe the shit believe what that they voluntarily don't get they don't get pussy yeah but that's that's like they believe it's not there are guys that don't get pussy.

There are guys that don't.

Yes, there are.

There are guys that don't get pussy.

And

those guys.

Do you remember being 14?

We wanted pussy.

I was terrified of it.

I was scared.

I was terrified.

And I was like, a boob felt more correct.

Do you remember the boners you'd get while you're jacking off?

They were like angry, like vibrant.

Oh, dude, and they couldn't come.

They were muscular.

Has that changed for anyone?

What?

Has that changed?

For them, no, yeah, for sure.

Really?

Yeah, as an adult man,

I'm barely hard at this point.

It's not even erotic.

But are you excited?

For myself?

Yes.

No.

You're just like going through the motions?

I barely jacked it.

Put it like this, bro.

You can't spell erotic without Rod.

You know what I'm saying?

Let's absolutely go.

So you guys are just, you're getting 14-year-old

boners.

I've been like this the whole time.

Yeah, I'll get a big officer.

You guys have an arrangement.

Yeah.

No, I'm just.

You get soft boners?

It's not like, it's not like.

I'm not showing.

I'm not like in...

I'm not showing up for the prom for myself.

I'm like, whatever, dude.

Who am I trying to impress?

Well, I don't think I've ever had a boner.

I barely drink off.

I have a girlfriend.

I have sleep with my girlfriend from time to time.

That's, man.

Good for you, buddy.

What am I?

She's in the apartment.

Yeah.

My mom made her watch Bang Buzz in the other room.

Just loud slapping.

Is that even still a thing?

Bang Buzz?

I hope so.

Yeah.

I'm assuming this is where folks are having sex in a bus.

No, this is another Metallica.

It's another Metallica documentary.

Did you think it was real when you were a kid?

No.

I thought at first when they dropped the girl off.

I've talked about this before.

Did you think they were actual just strangers off the side of the road on the street?

Sure.

I was like, I could say I did, yeah.

And I was like, at first, yeah, I was like, and then at the end, it's sad because they drop her off in a nondescript parking lot, and she's like, what the hell?

Where are you going?

And I was like, that's so sad for the girl.

I was like,

you just paid her money to have sex, and then she's like, where, what?

I never finished the videos.

It really made me sad.

I would always, I would always.

Can you drive me to the movies, please?

What do you mean?

There's a third act.

I was always, I was, I always came the moment.

It follows a three-act story structure perfectly.

If you want to learn how to write a screenplay, you got to

watch it to the end.

Everybody knows this.

Yeah, yeah.

Stanislavski talked about it.

I was a sensitive kid.

I cried during Dumb and Dumber when I was a kid.

Nice.

Which part?

Do you remember?

When they gave the, I was a little kid.

My parents rented it for me, and I was with a babysitter.

They were like, you like Jim Carrey.

He's dumb.

No, but it was like when they give the blind kid the bird and he goes, pretty bird, pretty bird.

You were just bawling.

I was like, that's so sad.

The kid can't see.

I did cry during the water boy when I had a fever one time.

I mean, what?

You cried during the water boy?

I did, yeah.

Why?

Because

I blame the fact that I had a fever, and it was, but I do think it's a well, it's a well-done thing, you know, where his mom comes to

the nice football game, you know.

Kathy,

no one's gonna come to bed.

Mama does.

I love that you blame it on a fever.

I'm gonna read that because you guys need to practice for your new podcast.

So, I want to see, take it away.

This is

the highlighted stuff.

This is important.

You only read the highlighted stuff?

There's a cold read.

Both of you guys, maybe you do it once, and then you do it once.

There's a catch-up stuff.

This is kind of like an American Idol.

I could be Randy Jackson.

Gotcha.

And I could tell you who's done it better.

Who's done?

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No, no, okay, let him take a crack at that.

Yeah.

I don't know if you have the it factor.

I think I did pretty good.

Why'd you do like carnival style?

Carnival style?

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You're kind of right, it was carnival style.

Because it stinks.

No, the highlight, bro.

Just the highlighted parts?

The yellow highlight.

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That's meow, baby.

Wow.

Okay.

Follow that, motherfucker.

I actually don't think I can.

Ryan, actually,

I don't want to hear Ryan's version ever again, actually.

Yeah, you were very good at that.

Can I talk to Sean privately?

I think, like.

He's holding you back a little bit.

Listen, listen, listen.

What's he bringing to the table?

What he brings to the table is

equipment.

He's got the equipment.

He has equipment.

He sets it up.

He aims a camera.

And listen, he's got good questions.

Wait, wait, wait.

Ask him one of those questions.

One of those good questions, you got, bud.

What's your favorite race?

Why are you doing it in the Boston thing again?

What's my favorite race?

Mexican.

Why?

Look at that.

Really nice people.

I grew up with a lot of them.

They're awesome.

Just jumping right.

Filipino, second.

Great at karaoke.

Happy, like fun.

You know?

Look at that.

That is hot stuff, baby.

All right.

I can't even think of third place, really.

really.

Third place race?

Well, I said the top two.

Not Jewish?

Jewish?

Please.

Not these.

Not the.

I'm not touching that.

Not New Yorkers?

I'm not touching that.

New Yorkers?

That's not a race.

Say that.

Go outside and say that out loud.

Oh, you know what the third one is?

Third one is Ryan.

Say New York ain't no race.

See what happens.

Actually, let's run again.

Ryan, say what's the third place?

What's third place?

Ryan, it's the human race.

I was waiting for that.

Boom, dude.

This is why, okay?

Yeah.

That was the correct answer.

You know what I mean?

You don't see, you know, Mexican, Filipino, human race.

Right.

Haul and haul it.

You can't have Hall and Oats without the Hall.

Yep.

Or the Oats.

I'm not sure which is which.

Which one is which?

I don't know.

I don't know the difference.

I don't think anyone knows.

One is like blonde.

The other one is like a brunette.

Like a kind of like a Super Mario kind of looking guy.

Kind of a mustache.

I thought you were jokingly going to begin to describe me.

You're like, what up?

Like a Super Mario looking guy, though, with a beard.

Oh, yeah, you guys kind of

do have a little

perhaps a warning.

Well, let's run that again.

Say you can't have the hall without the oats.

You can't have

the hall without the oats.

And you can't have the I without the DF.

Yep.

Yep.

You can't have the P without the DA.

Yep.

And you can't have the two in the pink without the one in the stink.

You can't have the pink without the stink.

You can't have the pink without the stink.

Unless you're a duck and it's just one hole, the cloaca.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can't have a cloaca without the penis that shoots out the sparly barbs.

They're sparing Barbie.

Scorpion.

Get over here.

And they have several fake vaginas.

Do you know that?

Ducks?

What?

Several.

Inside of their vagina, they have several fake vaginas.

They have decoy vaginas.

They have decoy vaginas.

They have fucking decoy vinyl.

They don't enjoy the duck.

I want to see who's within them.

I want to find the right duck to vinyl.

I'm sick of this wokeness crap.

The ducks are doing that now.

It's ridiculous.

Several vaginas.

Several fake daggers.

They were indoctrined from the eggs.

That's what the Democrats want.

That's the real one, dude.

That's what the Democrats want, dude.

Yeah.

What color is it?

If the duck has a pink and a stink, what color is it?

Wow.

Auburn.

That's the right answer.

That's right.

That's the right answer.

Also,

if you remember, if you ever play Duck Hunt, Nintendo's Duck Hunt,

when you shoot the duck and it goes ah, like that, if you pause as the duck's exploding, you see all fake vinyls.

It's a map of fake vaginas.

That's how

American Cyber Chris Kyle,

the Army founder.

Because he was the best at duck hunt.

Navy SEAL.

Yeah, Navy SEAL.

Army 2.

He's in both.

If you guys could be in a branch of the military, which one would you be in?

Special Forces.

Of what?

Special Forces is Army.

Just regular.

Just the most intense shit.

And Sean, how about you?

I think, I mean, if I could be.

So you're not saying, you're saying, like, if I had the fortitude, like, if I was the kind of guy that...

Navy SEAL?

Yeah, I'd go Navy SEAL.

I know, that is the answer.

But I couldn't.

But if I could be, if I was like that guy.

who was like, I had fucking muscles and all that shit and I want to fucking kill and I want to bash motherfuckers.

And I can hold my breath for like five minutes.

Yeah, I'd do Navy SEAL.

Is that like a

Pride Month just ended, but is that like a gay, like a, you got an otter, a bear, a Navy SEAL?

Is that one of them?

I would think that gay men would have sex with a Navy SEAL.

Yeah, I would like to thank you.

Yeah, I think so, too.

I bet gay men.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He went to the Naval Academy.

Oh, he went to the Naval Academy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did he know any Navy SEALs?

He went to the Navy.

Hey, you went to the Naval Academy.

How long did you learn?

How long did y'all spend training in regards to Lint?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you study, did you major in innies or outies?

Yeah.

When you graduate, do you get pierced?

Yeah.

If you're a woman?

Okay.

Yeah.

I started with men, by the way.

How do you sleep at night with all the evils that America has committed?

The Navy.

Wait, do you know that?

You remember when Belly Button Piercing?

Oh, fuck, we fucked that up.

Yeah, yeah.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

But you remember.

Let's run it again.

Okay.

Hey, did you major...

Hey, baby killer.

Hey, you fucking baby killer.

Fuck you, Bush.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Yeah?

You remember when belly button piercings was men, when men were doing it?

Yeah, slash.

Slash had one.

Are we not doing that anymore?

I don't I haven't seen a male with a navel ring in 20.

I've never seen it.

The only one I've seen.

Really?

Yeah.

Slash from Guns N' Roses had one.

Yeah.

And I was like, I need a piece out of that.

Yeah, dude, bro.

He's a sluggish.

Dude, hair metal and the homoerotic shit out Venn diagram is almost a full circle.

Hair metal?

Yeah.

What is that?

Like 80s metal.

Like Jack's arms, but for hair?

Like they have

big muscles, but they're fucking wearing spandex, and they're doing guitar solos for other dudes.

It's like very homoerotic.

I never got into that.

I'm more into sports.

Do you wait?

Do you think that you think that was gay?

Yeah.

No.

Come on.

No.

Come on.

No, it was like girls like that.

There's no.

I think that's crazy.

Wasn't he a lead singer of Judas Priest?

What's even gay about that?

He's not gay.

See, this is why we're

podcast.

He'll just fucking run with it.

He's not gay, dude.

He commits.

Rob Haliford?

Who's the gay one?

Rob Haliford isn't gay.

No, but there's a man who's a front man of a metal band who everyone liked

and was singing about having sex.

Sandy Koufax, they say.

No, that was July.

It was Rob Haliford.

Yeah.

I'm just acting like I don't think he's gay.

That was that Mark Wahlberg movie, Shout Out, you know, to Your Lineage there.

Where he plays the rock star.

Oh, yeah.

It's called Rockstar.

Yeah, yes, yes.

I totally forgot about that movie.

And the band was called Steel Dragon.

And I think they were based off Jesus Priest.

Wow.

Right?

But they hadn't found out Rob Halver was.

No, they kicked him out, and he was like, it's because I'm gay, isn't it?

And they were like, I don't care who you shaggy, mate.

I just don't fucking like your fucking face, mate.

Mark Wahlberg played the gay guy?

No, the guy that he was replacing.

Yeah.

You know that.

I imagine he's not chill with that.

He's a very religious man, Catholic.

Well, I mean, for his communion, what do you have to do to beat a Daysian guy until he went blind, right?

That was part of his view.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, that was part of his.

Yeah.

That was part of the.

Right?

And that's part of the Catholic.

That's part of communion.

That's what this church has done.

You guys are Catholics?

Nah.

You're not?

Patton, isn't that?

That's an Irishman, no?

Irish Scottish.

Irish Scottish.

Did you go to church?

Not by choice.

Right.

Yeah.

But did they make you get confirmed?

I don't know.

Which feels weird.

I know I had a First Communion.

Your family was Catholic.

That's what I was asking.

My parents are not.

Why'd you have First Communion then?

Because I went to Catholic schools.

That's the only good schools in the city.

Well, why would a non-Catholic family send you to a Catholic school?

Because the football programs are dog shit.

Football program.

Oh, that program.

Football program.

No, but also all the public schools in Louisiana are dog shit.

So I went to the Catholic school.

Oh, got you.

That's how they get you.

That's how they get you.

And

had to wear a uniform.

Remember, were you guys in high school when you didn't have to wear uniforms?

Well, I went to public high school.

Same.

But did you have to?

Because I went to public high school.

But growing up from like kindergarten, eighth grade was all Catholic school.

Then I went to public high school because I got kicked out of fucking Catholic high school or asked to leave.

Not really.

I was just a bad student.

Oh, my God.

He's bringing us all down.

Like grades-wise, or you were just annoying?

Grades-advised.

Like a fucking little shit.

Really, what'd you do?

I was sarcastic a lot.

Oh, terribly.

I don't remember.

I don't recall ever.

Who else is?

The Catholics have disdained for sarcasm.

And did he go to Catholic as well?

I think, I don't know.

Mark went to,

I don't.

Because that guy's sarcastic.

I mean, he wouldn't.

Mark?

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

He'd be in Catholic school and they'd be like, let me put my finger in.

He'd be like, let me put my finger.

He'd be like, Cavity.

You know, yeah.

Which hole?

Gavity.

Maybe in school, they'd be like, take a knee, young man.

I didn't realize someone, my friend said to me recently, he's like, you know that skater comedian?

I was like, who?

He's like, Mark Normand.

And I didn't realize he was like the sick skater.

Yeah, that was really scared.

He was nice at skating.

He can't ride a bike.

What?

He can't ride a bicycle.

He can't ride a bike?

He can't ride a bicycle.

Why are you talking shit about Norman right now?

Why are you saying that?

If girls might be listening, dude.

So, anyway, so you guys, so like this is kind of going to be the vibe of your podcast.

Ryan's going to look disinterested, bored, like a woman a little bit.

Gray eyelash

slowly turning whiter as the day goes on.

I've been catching grays recently.

I caught a bunch of grays.

Yeah, yeah.

But you look like fucking Wolverine right now.

Yeah, that works, though.

Yeah, you look like the salt and pepper works.

Thanks, bro.

Would you get the surgery to get the blades?

I got that shit.

Really?

I can't.

That's shit still healing, but I can't.

Really?

Yeah, dude.

Logan, dude.

He was from Louisiana, no?

No.

No, Gambit.

That was Gambit.

That was Gambit.

Logan is the best, I think, super, like, Marvel movie made so far.

With the Kids.

With Logan.

With the Kids.

With the Keys.

What about the very first Spider-Man?

I think it's better.

I think it's better than every one of them ever made.

This is a good idea for your podcast.

I like the very first Spider-Man.

I think it's the best superhero movie made so far is Logan.

You know what I think it is?

What?

Aaron Brockovich.

That's a dope one movie.

Because there are superheroes all around us every day.

She got those California

water.

Because the governor is that cuckoo.

And Flint

liberal cuck motherfucking governor weren't giving it to her.

And Flint still don't have that.

Where's that?

Yeah,

where's the Aaron Brock?

Do they have water yet?

Do they

folks?

Yeah, what the hell?

They still don't have water?

They should have some.

Can we check?

The Sanny.

If Flint got water yet, yet?

Yeah, who got it?

Yeah, why is it?

That would be so fucking hilarious if you saw like a Smartwater ad, like Flint brought to you by SmartWater.

Is Flint water?

I don't even know.

Michael Moore's from there.

Oh, no wonder he's a documentary.

My dad.

My dad ruined the water.

My dad.

What was the first one he did?

God damn it.

Bowling for Columbine?

Yes.

Yeah.

That was sick.

Oh, the Flint.

As officials have claimed, the use of water filters and replacement of lead water lines has solved the crisis.

Do they have water?

No, I think it's a lie.

I think Obama said he solved it, but he didn't.

Solved in 2020.

I'm getting different dates.

They have clean water.

Okay, there we go.

Shout out to Flint, those welfare queens.

Honestly, I'm very happy to hear that.

I had no idea.

It's been a long time.

That was like a thing.

They said it still doesn't have it.

Oh, it does not have it?

Have you been to the.

Have they fixed the Six Flags yet in New Orleans?

No, they'll never fix that shit.

What happened to your Six Flags?

Katrina.

Nick and I broke a lot of water.

I broke a bunch of water.

Nick and I dropped it.

We broke into that Six Flags.

Yeah, I mean, you don't have to.

You'd probably just follow the fucking squatters in there.

There's like a legion of squatters.

They're like a squatter city in there.

I don't think they should fix it.

I think they should leave it.

It looks awesome.

Like that.

It would be a cool place for all homeless people to live.

Just a cool amusement party.

The graffiti is really funny in that Six Flags because

there was a wall, Nick and I saw, where it was like a guy trying to figure out the swastika, and

there were like six drafts, and then he finally got it on the last one.

Yeah.

Couldn't figure it out.

Which is like, he was trying to figure out the geometry, and he just couldn't get it right.

One of them he fucked up, and it was the actual original,

the Hindu symbol.

What is it?

Is it, but I thought it was the same, or is it reversed?

No, I thought it was reversed, maybe.

Really?

The original thing that a swastika ticket was, right?

Yeah.

So originally, that shit was called Jazz Land.

Whoa.

Nice.

Whoa, cool move.

Go back all the way.

It doesn't matter.

That's pretty fucking wild.

I thought for a moment, I was like, well, here comes a blooper.

Oh, no.

But it was called Jazz Land, and it was just whack.

It was just dumb.

And then Six Flags came in and took it over, and we're like, we got this.

Yeah.

And then Katrina hits it.

Whatever happened to that guy.

The ball guy with the suit?

Yeah.

The ball guy, you got me too'd.

Yeah, that makes sense.

All those kids around.

All those kids.

I think we all saw that coming.

Yeah, we worked at a theme park.

I mean, it was a dance.

And he had dance and a suit.

He had kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids.

All over.

Wait, have you fuck kids?

They call that Me Too'd?

They called him the Pied Piper of RB.

That old man.

Wow.

The whole time.

That's crazy.

That has to be the hackiest joke ever, but I had just put that together in my mind.

The Pied Piper of River.

But R.

Kelly was calling himself the Pied Piper of of RB.

He was calling himself that?

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, it was all there.

He wanted it.

I'm sure a million people have to have made that joke, but it just dawned on me.

Yeah.

He wanted to be caught doing it by the time he'd been doing it long enough for the experience to be old enough to get into a bar.

You understand what I'm saying?

Is that from the act as well?

That's the new closure.

You're my favorite Santa, man.

You're fucking ridiculous.

You really are.

You're nicking my favorite sandwich.

We were talking about it the other day.

Well, thank you.

This guy is an institution.

I know I say institution every episode.

It's my institution pledge.

Yeah.

I institutionally feel like I'm going to fucking barf.

So on a podcast, you have to go into the mic.

Yeah.

If you would barf right now, I would be so happy.

I would barf if you do jackass style.

That would be cool.

No, I saw Steve-O live once.

He put lemon in his eyes and jumped off a ladder.

we're in a weird place me and steve-o right now are you yeah what happened he came on this show thought nick and i were bullying him we kept saying we love you then i did his podcast then he said that

he was like yeah like i don't get your thing and i was like i'm just a bad guy

this yawn is not anything indicative of anything you're saying oh you're doing a yawn throw up not just that yeah a lot of guys in the nfl do that when they're like on the gridiron they're like

the throw-up.

Wait, Steve-O thought you and Nick were bullying him?

Yeah, we just have bad personalities.

Yeah.

And then I did his podcast, and then he asked me what Zionism is in the podcast.

Oh, I saw that clip.

Yeah, and he was like, Bob Marley's talking about it.

He thought it was like a reggae thing.

And I was like, if you should, on the news.

Actually, as a Jewish person, yes, it is a reggae thing.

A guy who's spent 20 years snorting jellyfish and getting kicked in the balls.

I think, in retrospect, I think that John D.

Knoxville and Jeff Tremaine just sex-trafficked guys that were doing drugs into hurting their balls.

I think that's probably what

retrospect.

That's what Jackass is.

They walk the earth broken men, you know.

But we love them.

In like

2000.

You got them paid.

You got them paid.

In 2006?

Sex.

Six.

2006.

When the Jackass 2, jackass two or jackass three one of the jackass two is the best movie of all time one of the borat so jackass two

i think it was two had come out a friend of mine was working as an assistant for johnny knoxville so he got us into like the premiere party at that hotel in hollywood that's on hollywood and roosevelt yes thank you

and in the pool area and it was like oh and we went and went fucking a bunch of open micers you know you're about to throw up right now i might i might barf

i'm insanely hungover.

What did you do, Leslie?

We recorded some episodes of the podcast, and then we're like, we're going to have a couple beers.

So you said, Welcome to

the show.

We know what to say.

We don't know what it is.

We don't know what it's called.

Okay, wait, sorry.

Cut you off about the

went out and we drank too much alcohol afterwards.

Okay, so the premiere that you were at the pool.

Oh, yeah.

And

Johnny.

You were molested by We Man.

No, no, no.

But that dude was just drenched in fucking women.

We met.

He was walking around with a fucking cape of women.

Yeah, it was insane.

That rules.

What do you think he does with girls?

Just,

he goes down on them.

He just walks around.

As my four-foot-tall gym teacher to their pussies, and then he's like born.

Yeah.

That's his fetish?

He does like, yeah.

He's like, it's a birth fetish.

He does a baby.

There it is.

Baby play.

There it is.

Fucking finally, someone gets it.

You know, they have regular penises.

Sure.

Or they just look regular because

they're a normal-sized penis, which is what, 5.1 inches?

I think it's about 11, 11 and a half inches.

It looks like 11 and a half inches.

It looks that way on

3.5.

Like 11, 11 and a half, maybe.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Maybe like full foot.

Like seven, maybe.

Maybe like that's 5.1 right there?

Like, what if

the proportion of their body that they are that is smaller, it all is made up in the dick?

You see what I'm saying?

So they just have like enormous

straight up

16-inch dicks.

Just massive

lucky.

If you're like jealous of them because they're so big.

Well, it's like they say that about

special needs people.

Really?

I thought it was just strength.

I think they also have monsters.

Really?

Lucky.

Look.

I know people who would take that trade-off.

Yeah.

It's also a woman's dream, I think.

Just a guy who can't think with a fat hawk.

That's where they're plowing through these fellas.

That's what's in those speeches that that guy was giving.

That's why

Biden's faking it for pussy.

Biden.

Classic faker.

Chill was actually so wet watching that dude.

He's only 70.

You know, at least.

Smashing buttons.

He's at least 60.

He's at least 48.

He's at least.

No.

He is.

He's definitely 48.

I saw him.

I saw him.

Yeah, yeah.

He's 48.

You know, I've been feeling old recently, but I realized I've only been eligible to be president two years.

Kind of a young man.

Kind of a young man.

You have a lot of time.

Wait, what's eligibility at 35?

Why do I keep fucking yawning?

I don't know.

You're tired.

No, I'm not.

What were you guys?

You guys were doing beer bongs and stuff?

No.

Yeah, no, no, yeah.

Oh, beer bongs.

We're doing beer bongs.

Just two guys doing beer bongs.

In a living room?

Yeah, we're doing it.

That would be so funny.

Beer bong bongs and the bang bus.

Just bang.

Yeah, just watching porn beer bongs.

Two guys' living room.

Dude.

Just wild.

35-inch LED,

like LCD television.

And we just made a compilation of just guitar solos from every fucking rock song ever.

Porn.

Playing that back to back.

Porn DVDs off of a PlayStation 2.

PlayStation 3.

Yeah, yeah.

Come on.

I remember I told my dad, I was like, can we get PS2?

He's like, no.

And I was like, it has a DVD player, you fucking loser.

Yeah.

Do you not want our family to have the DVD player?

You call them a loser?

No, I didn't say that.

I would never.

I respect him more than anything.

No, yeah, it had a DVD player.

Yeah.

PS2.

I didn't think DVDs were even out yet.

Oh, they were there, yeah.

I had a DVD burner very early to the DVD burner game.

So when the Family Guy movie came out, I made a 55 bucks selling 11 copies of that fucking thing.

At school.

At school.

To girls, probably, right?

Two girls, they're stupid.

They don't know.

Girls don't know.

They don't know.

They thought it was the original DVD.

Yeah, they're like, I'm like, you can't even see there's no sticker.

It doesn't say CDR on it.

God, they're dumb.

They're so stupid.

Does Blu-ray still exist?

Who?

What is wrong with you?

Questions, man.

Blu-ray, it's the highest fidelity we have.

It's bigger than DVD.

It's bigger than Laserdisc, I'll tell tell you that.

There's like a.

Tell me that.

I believe it.

Yeah.

He'll shit if you believe it.

Do you ever fuck with Laser Disc?

No.

I'm not fucking Patrick Bateman.

I'm not a businessman in the 80s killing women to laser discs.

Yeah.

That rules.

I'm not listening to sports by Huey Lewis in the news and chopping up women.

Wait.

Did you fuck with Laserdisc?

No.

No.

Okay.

He's 21 years old.

Doesn't even know.

I'm at least 48.

Yeah.

You're at least 48?

At least.

Same thing.

At least 48 is a great title.

That's not bad.

Yeah.

That's like what every episode's at least 48 minutes.

Yeah, yeah.

And people are.

Oh, actually, the soaking podcast, because we leave it all in, we don't edit nothing out.

But that's like a Mormon sex act.

Right, so they'll think we're Mormons and having sex.

It has nothing to do with me Mormon.

Do you know that people will jump on the bed when you're soaking

so that you're not necessarily thrusting?

Sucks.

You know, apparently, have you heard about this?

Well, no,

it's a two-part thing because whoever's jumping on the bed apparently lubes the hand up, holds their erect cock, and the jumping action

creates like a maddening.

It's like a Rube Goldberg machine.

It is.

Jump up and down, and that creates the masturbation motion.

It's disgusting.

Oh, they can't even jerk off.

Just do it normal style and have butt sex with the girls.

There's got to be one guy in the group that's only the jumper for all of these things.

I like to just jump and watch.

And one guy, I bet there's a whole fucking village of them.

My friend went to

the University of Florida back in the day with

Tebow.

The same years, Tebow years.

Timothy Tebow?

Yeah, yeah.

And she told me he got like,

he was abstinent, right?

But she's like, he got maybe like a hundred thousand blowjobs.

A hundred thousand blowjobs?

I don't know if no one's doing the math, but.

Why is that not a prize on Wheel of Fortune?

Well, it should be like our NCAA football record.

Yeah.

From what I understand.

Wait, this was 100,000.

He should be in Canton, Ohio,

the football

capital of the world.

100,000 BJs.

Yeah.

I've heard this story, too.

What?

I've heard this story, too.

You heard this story?

I've heard this as well from not your friend.

100,000 blowjobs.

Yeah, the guys at the Naval Academy were all talking about it, too.

Yep, yep.

Wow.

During belly button class.

Isn't that evangelical?

Like Christian kids would just have butt sex, right?

What?

They just have butt sex and stuff.

So they can say virgins.

Yeah.

That's not really a thing anymore.

Oh, I guess, you know, people have less sex now?

Kids?

I don't believe that.

Yeah, it's true.

I don't know.

Well, that's so much more porn and listening.

No, no, no.

People are just lonelier.

They're lonelier.

I think it's true.

No, why?

Because you're having sex with kids.

That was the insinuation.

But if you say it out loud, that's not funny, you fucking jerk off.

What the hell?

How long have you been doing this show?

This thing stinks.

I like it, though.

Thanks for having me.

I'm kidding.

I don't think it smells pretty good.

I know, it's pretty nice in here.

I think it smells nice and good.

Try my best, dude.

I think you're doing dangerous.

100,000 blowjobs, they say.

I don't know if it's 100,000.

That's the name of the podcast.

Yeah.

Right there, bro.

Yeah.

100,000 beach.

The guck, guck, throat, goat, 100,000.

The official throat goat.

Yeah, yeah.

100,000.

In fact, we do the idea is each episode is about a historic blowjob.

And we do 100,000 episodes.

When Martha was sucking

George's dick, he was saying last night.

General Washington's dick.

He was saying last night that he thinks hell might be when you are getting a blowjob and then you come and then it doesn't stop and it starts to hurt and it just never ends and it's just terrible pain for the rest of time.

Yeah,

what are your thoughts on that?

That's what I thought.

Do you live in a cartoon universe?

That doesn't happen.

I mean, it could in hell.

Hell is a cartoon universe.

No, he did that as a.

Oh, you said it's in hell.

No, yeah, that's what hell is.

That's not a thing that happens to you.

No, no, no, that's not a thing.

I thought that was like a brag.

You're like, oh, no, hell is like a bad thing.

Sometimes I cut so hard it causes it.

When I come and it's like four times, five times longer than Peter North.

Dude, that is a thing that Peter North.

Young kids would make that life.

I went to high school with a kid.

Who talked about him this whole time?

I don't know.

Yeah, we should have been.

Peter fucking North.

What the hell?

Did you ever see that Hustler magazine where the blonde lady had a saxophone in her pages?

I never miss a

convinces her that that was his mom, and then she, and like, she was like having her friends over, and he was like fucking all these porn stars.

I'm confused.

There's a Hustler magazine where a woman has a saxophone in her vagina.

I did miss this.

Wait, the reed?

The mouth?

Yes, yes.

She was like wheefing into it.

Apparently.

And she was all like.

And everyone was like, oh, Satramo over here.

Yeah, get your heart out, buddy.

Oh, my God.

Look at Kenny G over here.

Yeah, and I was like eight years old, and he convinced me from the E Street Band.

Yeah, yeah.

Claris Clemens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hell of a sax player.

Oh, absolutely.

Let's talk about our favorite sax players.

Yakity Sax, top sax song of all time, Benny Hill.

Crooked Joe.

Crooked Joe.

He could only play the alto.

Bill Clinton.

That's cool.

How old are you?

Oh, old enough to know what you're talking about.

Well, I was like, I was

four.

I was four, and I remember I'm like, that guy is cool.

Yes.

Sunglasses.

What did he do?

Heartbreak.

He did Elvis.

On Arsenio.

He did.

That probably got him more votes than any policy he ever.

You just need to be cool to be the president.

yeah

that's why i'm voting for biden i think every this is my theory every election

meets me

yeah me too dude yeah um

every election the cooler person is won

let's test that hillary clinton she's not cool i think she's very cool wait wait wait Trump, okay, look at Trump is like everyone knows has had a boss like Hillary and she's like giving you shit over the weekend, making you come in on a Saturday, taking you stapler stapler all the time.

Like, having a boss like Trump, you can get away with doing no work for about 11 years.

Was Reagan cooler than Carter?

Yes.

The gipper?

He was an actor.

Yeah.

I guess, yeah.

Yeah.

Was George W.

So Clinton was cooler than George Sr., obviously.

W was cooler than he ran against that guy that was on the tank with the helmet that was too big.

Dukakis.

There was a picture of him like on a tank, and he put it.

He put a helmet on, and they were like, This guy looks like a fucking loser.

Yeah, Carrie was less cool than Bush.

Bush was cooler than

Gore.

He also, like, major league.

Yeah, Gore was not cool.

Gore wasn't cool.

I specifically remember Gore.

Obama was cooler than Romney.

That guy was a fucking loser.

He was a nerd.

It's the cooler guy.

It's a popularity contest.

Wait, wait, wait.

Who did he run against the first time?

McCain.

Yeah.

McCain was kind of.

McCain was pretty cool.

He called his wife a

really?

Yeah, on the Straight Talk Express.

Remember his bus?

It was called like the Straight Talk Express, and he was like, Cindy, you're ping.

Wow.

In front of the media.

That's pretty cool.

No, I guess Obama was cooler than McCain.

Barely.

What are you talking about?

Obama was so sweet.

Yeah, but McCain was in a POW camp that rules.

Yeah, he's a loser.

Do you remember Trump?

Trump was like,

I like the people that weren't caught.

Dude, Trump is so funny.

Trump's way cooler than Hillary.

Joe, in the last election, they had a video where he's like, this is my Corvette.

And he's like, I like to drive fast.

And I was like,

this is going to win him the election.

And it did.

Yeah.

Now Trump is back to being cooler than Joe.

You think?

I still think he's looking cool.

I don't know.

Joe was looking pretty cool the other night, dude.

I was like, I was watching that.

I was like, this guy is a loser.

Cool guys always look a little lost.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, Joe was doing the like,

I'm just shy.

I've just been cool for a full time.

I'm the mysterious shy kid in class.

Yeah.

He's just kind of like here, but not here, you know.

That's how you be a cool white.

It's like you're never fully there.

You know, James Dean always hit a little bit of his face.

White people are cool.

Listen, buddy.

Listen.

Don't come on, dude.

Who do you think is the coolest Jewish guy to ever live?

Besides you,

Bob Dylan's like my number one.

Bob Dylan's Jewish?

Maybe Karl Marx.

Is Bob Dylan Jewish?

Maybe Sigmund Freud?

Woody Allaman?

Pretty cool.

Weird Al?

Not Jewish.

Not Jewish?

No.

No shit.

No.

I thought you said Weird Al.

That's what I thought you just said.

Before you said Weird Al.

Bernie Sanders?

I think he's cool.

But Bernie.

Would you vote for Bernie if you could?

Larry is cool.

I did.

Larry Sanders?

Larry David.

Yeah.

Bernie wasn't cooler than Hillary to win the.

No, they cheated.

They did cheat.

Because we knew he was cooler.

Yeah, that was.

Yep.

That was not.

That was not cool.

And that was not cool.

Damn.

I didn't like that at all.

That's the podcast name right there.

Not cool.

No, no, no.

You call it damn.

I'm not cool.

I'm just damn the podcast.

Maybe call it you crazy for that one.

No, that's not bad.

Oh, no, he didn't.

Oh, no, he didn't.

Oh, no, he didn't.

Oh, yes, he did.

Oh, yes, he did.

There we go.

That's too long.

Too many words.

I like what you said about studying belly buttons in the Naval Academy.

We could do something with that.

No, that's too specific.

It's not communicating anything.

No, that feels like a universal understanding.

Just call it another fucking podcast.

That already exists.

It does?

Yeah.

Literally.

Five.

There's like five of them on

five of them.

Dude, names are so fucking stupid.

I hate names.

Imagine being like 40 and you're like, we're the scorpions.

Like, this stinks.

Just call it the original Kings of Comedy official podcast.

Wait, I like the scorpions.

The scorpions podcast.

Zyscorpions.

Dude, there was a German hair medal, Zis Scorpions.

Yeah.

Winds of Change.

Winds of Change.

That was their song.

And Rock You Like a Hurricane.

That was that?

That was Scorpions as well?

Yeah, that was the first song on Stone Cold Steve Austin's mixtape that he put out in 1998, which I bought.

Really?

Yeah.

It was just a list of Stone Cold Steve Austin's favorite songs.

And I was eight years old, and I was like, this is a good idea.

And then it was all the scorpions.

Oh, he had Lady in Red on that, right?

That would have been.

Never seen a third in the hole like it did tonight.

Never seen a thousand so right.

I don't know a single word.

Brother?

Did he say that a lot?

Brother?

No, no.

He said, and that's the bottom line.

Dude, I checked back in.

I have like friends that are sober, so they have to get into wrestling so they don't do drugs again.

Yeah.

Like as adult men.

And I checked back in on SmackDown with them.

Yeah.

The star power is just not there like we had.

Yo.

We had the rock.

Yes.

We had Stone Cold.

We had Mankind.

These guys are not much.

X-Pac.

X-Pac.

He told you to suck it.

He had a sex tape with China.

Did he really?

You had China?

We had China, the hottest girl I've ever seen.

Yeah.

Who Triple H is truly in love with, but though he would never admit it.

No, he's married to Stephanie.

I know, but he would never admit he truly loves China.

God, he truly loves China.

Did you see the sex tape?

Oh, with China and Xbox?

Because of steroids, her clitoris had grown to

small.

Did Xbox suck it?

He sucked it.

I think that's a good place to end, everyone.

No, we just got started.

No, we have to go.

I have to go to fucking get...

I have to go.

Where do you get food?

I have to get food.

You have to go get food?

Yeah, I'm doing a fucking picnic in the park.

You're doing a picnic in the park?

Yeah, it's just beautiful.

So beautiful.

But I have to go get rotisserie chicken and a picnic basket.

Everyone's going to think I'm fucking

Yogi Bear.

Right.

Everyone already thinks, I say this.

When I mention, I'm like, I'm going to do Friedland's podcast.

Like, Yogi Bear?

Yeah.

Old Yogi Bear.

He's got some great quotes.

Boo-boo.

You know, all that.

Yeah.

All right.

Thanks a lot, guys.

Look out for their podcast.

The original Black Guys of Black.

Yeah, that's it.

What's it called?

We don't know.

Come up with a fucking name.

It's going to happen.

Catch and release.

We'll start with that.

Catch and release sounds like a.

Does it sound too fishy?

It sounds like a little bit

predator.

Oh, child predator.

It doesn't name it.

The child predator is hard.

You have to name stuff without sounding like a child predator.

The official pedophiles of comedy podcast.

actually a good idea.

I bet you that's available.

There's two of those already.

All right, guys.

Thanks a lot for our guests.

Thanks a lot for our guests.

Love you.

Talk about it, boys.

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