The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Robert Iler - Episode 60

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Welcome to the Adam Freelance Show podcast.

We're joined this week's special guest, Robert Eiler.

Thanks for having me, buddy.

You're, of course, he's most notably from Daredevil.

We all know him from

which Daredevil were you in?

I just looked at your wiki.

The Daredevil.

What is the Ben Affleck one?

Ben Affleck.

You were in that one?

Yeah.

Gee, that's so sick.

Yeah.

The scene where it rains and he can see the girls' titties from the rain.

I just, it was, it was so cringy.

My scenes in there.

So I don't even know if I ever saw the movie.

Who did you play?

The bad guy?

I was like a bully to hit like little Daredevil.

You played AJ.

I played AJ.

It's so bizarre to meet you because like

the the show for me is like the it's like the most important

it really is the most important work of art of all time but i also understand that you've never even fucking seen it it makes me so mad at you honestly i hate you yeah have you have you fucking watched it no a lot of people come on bro

but the thing what the fuck is wrong like sorry no i get it it's annoying because you were in it or something

that but also it's like my memory of that whole thing of my life is is like perfect, and I don't want to ruin it by watching it.

I just hate every moment I'm watching myself on TV, I hate it.

So it's just like you've seen it for like sometimes

he's just killing people and getting his dick sucked by prostitutes.

You're not going to see AJ there.

You just shave your eyebrows, you go, you, you almost kill yourself after Blanca leaves you.

I remember that, but that where you go to the Puerto Rican parade

and you have the flags.

And we did that.

So we did that on 92nd Street on just like a random afternoon.

And you would see people turn the corner and be like, like not understand that this wasn't the Puerto Rican Day parade because we had like a full hour.

Are they doing it again?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We said one day, one day every year.

We brought nightmares to people.

They thought it was a weekly thing now.

Because it's a wild, it's a wild event.

It's this wild.

The Puerto Rican Day parade is like,

yeah, it's like people get killed and they have sex on the streets.

Yeah, it's one of the things where I'm like, oh, okay, I don't leave my apartment this day.

It's in June, right?

It's this month?

It already happened.

When did it happen?

To shoot someone in the parade?

Yeah.

To shoot somebody.

So you got offered $400 to shoot someone for Rockefeller Records?

He's a pathological liar.

He's a good guy, though.

Wow.

Wait, wait, so they do it during Gay Pride month?

Yeah.

That's funny.

That's a nice prank.

Also, not to.

That'd be so funny to see the two parades converge on each other.

Just

see what happens.

Social experiment.

Oh, man.

And not to put a damper on the whole thing, but now that James has passed away, I think watching like 80 hours of him

would just not be.

Yeah, look, so the reason I came into New York was David, there's like a David Chase, who's a creator, did a documentary.

And

we went to watch the documentary and even just seeing clips of jim like you can't i know then it's like every the next 15 minutes of the documentary i'm like wait what happened because you're just caught up in this whole

there's a there's like a clip i saw recently of dominic uh chi in chinese he was there he was talking about uh chinese dominic chinese tape dominic chinese yeah

by the way i went to go see he sings with like a group of old-timers he's great like old italian standards and stuff and i went with my boys to go to go see uncle june sing yeah i've seen him many times.

He's got a beautiful voice.

Beautiful.

Yeah, make you cry.

He does.

Well, he does it.

What do you call it?

In what's his name's Funeral?

Jackie Jr.'s funeral.

Oh, he sings it as soon as you.

You really should watch the Sopranos, dude.

What the fuck?

You know what?

And here's another thing.

Every time I date a girl and they haven't seen it, I make them watch the Sopranos.

Because I said it's the most important thing.

We wouldn't be.

No, we could fuck, but I'm not going to date.

It's not going to be like...

You're not going to have to be afraid.

I'm not going to let you out in the background.

Yes.

It has to be the Johnny Cakes episode where Vito goes up and he starts a love affair with a firefighter, then comes back down, tries to rejoin the murder.

But can we fuck in the bedroom and put it on in the living room?

So it's like it's on, but it's not like right.

Okay.

Yeah, just the AJ scenes.

Yeah.

Just doggy style face.

Just a super cut of all of my.

That is so AJ.

That is so AJ.

What do you mean they do it with me committing suicide?

It has to be annoying for you, like, because you are like a...

You're such a three-dimensional.

every character is a real person to me like if I saw if I saw like a fucking Imperio-y walking down the street I'd be like Chrissy

Chrissy Are you clean?

Yeah, how's everything going?

You know, it's very

real to us.

We love we love it and you're a smart guy so imagine people of lesser intelligence who really believe I've had people ask me like

Real questions about things that weren't on the show and I'm like, what are you talking about?

Like what?

Like, you know, does Tony hit you?

Or, like, what did you do?

Or, like, what did you do?

What did you do with the money when the kid gave it to you?

And the this?

I'm like,

yeah, the fight at school.

Like, did you really buy a shirt?

Or did you, like, buy video games?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I would, that's the funny thing is this, right?

So you have, like, the guys like me, the, like, the know-it-all Jewish guys, and we're like, well, actually, it's a meditation on the concept of family, you know.

Yeah, and it's multi-layered America.

Yeah,

it's a universe that is being phased out in society.

It's these cavemen interacting with modern-day society.

And then

it's sick.

But I would watch in college with bros.

Like, I was friends with bros, and they were like, who's getting fucking whacked this week?

That was like how everyone was watching it.

And I was like being a, I believe the term is homo

about the Sopranos.

And they were like, oh my god, like, I hope, I hope fucking, like, Paul gets whacked this week.

That's how people were watching it it was like to see

they were tracking the whackings 100% and that's why the the ending you don't even know what the ending is or you do you have you must know what the ending no I've I've seen it like played I never watch it but I've seen it played like over and over you know what I mean I was

I was like went to college in DC but it was all like tri-state area more morons so it was like all Jersey like Westchester Long Island like just mongoloids that the kids that weren't smart enough to get into like Emory or NYU, they went to my college.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I watched the finale with a bunch of these fellas, and my friend punched a wall.

I mean, like, people were fucking furious.

Really?

They were like, what the fuck is it?

It was like they wasted, you know.

Right.

It's the most brilliant genius thing ever.

I mean, people thought

people called their cable.

They thought

that the cable went out.

Yeah, well, I also know stories of people who

then when their friends were like, can you believe that?

And they were like, what, you didn't see?

And And then like they described some ending that didn't happen.

Oh, like a Mandela effect.

Right.

Like they would say, like, oh my God, did you see like this?

And then people would be like, wait, what?

AJ becomes the boss.

Right, yeah.

I was fully wrong.

AJ becomes wrong.

You shoot your dad in the head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Can you please watch Sopranos?

It's driving me insane.

I know it's like, it's such, it's obnoxious of me to be saying this, but.

No, it's not.

You'll love the Sopranos.

Another reason.

It's the best thing ever.

Another reason why I like not watching the show is because when people come up to me and ask me questions, I could just say, I don't know.

Yeah, but you could just lie to them and say that.

Or you could be like, I'm on mushrooms.

Yeah, but the same way you know I wouldn't.

I'm on mushrooms right now, sir.

Leave me alone.

Yeah.

T-S-A.

You're right, I'm wrong.

Yeah, that's good.

Yo, do you ever fuck Meadow on set?

Dude.

The whole time.

You're fucking Jamie.

Oh, my God.

Because she, for me...

Us the J-boys, we found out very early on.

We're like, actually, she's Jewish.

She's one of us.

And she was the epitome of like your friend's older sister, who when you're like, I had a delayed puberty, so like at 14, I was still barely a pube.

And then my, like one of my friend's sisters, for sure, I'm describing one person in particular, but she's like 17.

She's kind of a little bit fucking with you, a little bit flirting.

She knows, you know, you'll never, she'll never, you know.

She's like practicing.

You'll never get this.

You'll never get this.

Like boar rat style.

No.

Yeah.

And then she was like, you know, she'll, they'll say comments like, oh, when you're older, like, all the girls are going to like you.

And he'll be like, why not?

No.

Why not?

No.

And Meadow is the epitome of that kind of girl.

Like, for me, as a high school, like, young adolescent watching the Sopranos, I was like, she was the ideal.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that comparison, the Jamie Lynn Sigler to Borat.

Yeah.

It's just constant.

She is so much like,

you know,

she's so Borat.

And then he break out and get these.

Do you think he got that character from watching Sopranos, maybe, from watching Meta?

When he was describing his,

yeah, his mentally handicapped cousin who broke out of the cage and molested his sister, who was showing him her vagina.

Right.

That was clearly a reference to season one, episode eight, college of this.

I'll watch the show now.

You know, it would be pathetic if I was the person that convinced you.

I'm sure you've had this conversation like 5,000 times.

Yeah, we also got offered money to watch it, like do like a re-watch pod.

what are you the queen of england what are you the richest man in the world how much money they offer not enough isn't everyone's doing that like a rewatch pod yeah yeah yeah imperioli and uh sharippo well that's the other reason i didn't want to do it because like i know imperioli is like the he might whack you he might whack you yeah yeah

he loved the show he wrote with the writers he this so like then my stupid fucking opinions about the show like why who would want to hear that you were just a kid though you were just it is actually fascinating seeing through that lens because you were like season one you were what like 12 12.

Yeah, well, I was 12 when we shot the pilot season one maybe I was 13, but I think I was 12.

Do you remember the casting?

Like because you do look like Gandalfini's son.

Season one, you're like, they're like, yeah, that's a little gym.

Me and Jamie were the only non-Irish,

I mean, the only non-Italian people in it.

I'm Irish, she's Jewish, Cuban, Jewish.

I don't know.

Yeah.

And then

everything

I had people hating me for being Irish?

Being Irish and not watching the show.

And it was like, no wonder you never watched it.

You're Irish.

You wouldn't get it.

Well, that makes a lot of sense to me.

Yeah, yeah.

That makes a lot of sense to me.

I wouldn't get it.

That's why I didn't watch it.

The Medagon don't understand.

Yeah.

They don't understand.

I also don't want to have to have.

I also don't want to watch it.

And then David Chase one day, like, we're like, he's just at RPOD.

I wouldn't want him to, like, ask me a question about the show and me be like, uh, like, like, how.

What?

Who cares?

He's not going to ask you a question.

No, but you know, he's like, you know, when this happened, like, we did this.

And I'm like, now I'm just like, no one cares what you think.

Exactly.

That's the thing.

And I want to keep it that way.

I don't want to.

I'm just saying it's fire, dude.

It's just the most fire ever.

Nothing's even gotten close to it.

It's fire.

I'm not watching it because I think it might suck.

It's so sick.

I get.

It's so sick.

Yeah.

You're turning into one of the bros that you watched it with.

It does everything.

It appeals to your bro side.

It's so funny.

Dre is so hot.

It's...

The tennis.

Have you seen the tennis?

I remember there's like Benjamin.

Season two, episode one, the FBI.

This is the best part of my job.

I never saw the scene, but I've seen like a photo of it.

Dude, I was hanging out with her like every.

I got a heart next to my mom.

I would watch Sunday nights with my family.

I got a fucking heart.

Wow.

Next to my mother.

Damn.

Yeah.

That's sick.

Yeah.

And she was like, you call that a dick?

Just kidding.

Your father's ashamed that you're hitting it.

My dad hits it.

Put that away.

you think your dad ever got a hard when he's watching it

um

should we call him

yeah

i don't know i don't i i have never asked my father if he got a hard or looked at his crotch during the sopranos other times i have of course there was a uh there was a drea in like a leopard skin of course underwear thing right of course that that's who cares about the tennis thing that's she was like yeah but the tennis thing that there's a there's a kind of

any beautiful girl come on, bro.

Well, that's just what that's the that's what you like.

That's what I like.

Yeah, I like the leopards.

I like the really putting it all out there.

I like the tennis.

I'm like, tennis and trees.

You call that a dick, and I serve

right.

Yeah,

I'm hard right now.

Okay, um, that's so funny.

So, wait, so you were that you were having affairs on on set, I read recently.

I heard you and Genie sack.

Yeah,

me and Genie sack.

No, listen,

people think I had like a crush on Meadow.

Me and Jamie never, it was like that.

It was always Drea.

I always had a crush on Drea.

Like an adult woman.

Yeah, yeah.

You were what?

Because you're like, she had acted either.

You'll never get this.

You know what I mean?

I know.

She would be pinching my face.

She definitely did that.

She'd be like, you're so good.

Like a little bit of her saliva would hit my lips.

And that was exactly what she was doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really?

And you were, what, nine?

Yeah, 12, 12, 13.

You'd be at the 90s, and heads would be, you know, drinking.

I'm the little luckiest boy in the world.

You started boozing when you were a kid?

Yeah, yeah.

I was drinking and smoking at like 12.

I grew up in the city.

That was kind of like a city kid.

Yeah, yeah.

But not on set.

Not with the...

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you weren't.

I mean, not until probably like 15 where I really started drinking with everybody.

And like, you know, you go, everybody's smoking cigarettes.

It was when people still fucking, it wasn't like vaping, you know?

When it was legal.

Yeah, everybody.

And like, the props, one of the coolest parts of the job is the props department always has cigarettes.

So you don't have, you just get free cigarettes all day, so you just smoke 10 times more.

Yeah, so that'll save you like eight, nine bucks.

It was more so than like never not having.

So they're both.

You know what I mean?

Like you're in the middle of fucking Caldwell, New Jersey, and then you're like, oh, yeah, this guy has 300 packs of cigarettes on the truck.

Yeah, yeah.

It was nice.

And

you're the boy star.

They're like, the young prince needs his bogeys.

Chop chop.

Chop chop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The young prince needs Marlborough Lights.

Oh, my God.

You have to watch the prince.

Well, I mean, so you and Jamie do like a podcast now for

in Austin.

Yeah, we do a podcast for Tom Collins.

Why'd you move to Austin?

You're trying to go get it spots of the comedy mothership?

No, I'm not.

Why is everyone moving to Austin?

They would never let me.

Isn't it hot?

You must like it here better, no?

I love New York City, but then I'm not a winter.

So I got sober like 10 years ago and like 11 years ago.

I can't do winters, man.

Because we go to Florida.

But that's what they think.

Like our ancestors.

Yeah, I do months and months here in New York, and then I do my time in Austin.

But Austin's all right.

Come on.

It's all right.

Wait, you're just having mole every day?

Yeah, when you're sober and there's like a lady.

How tall are you?

How tall?

Come on.

What do you got to do that for?

No, because I'm like.

I'm a short guy.

I'm a short guy, too.

I'm like 5'9?

I'm shorter.

In Texas.

I don't even know if you're a big fan of the business.

They're too big there.

They're too big.

That's so crazy.

We have to be here where the people are smaller.

It's so crazy you say that.

When I go to SpaceX.

They have so much space, they can get big.

That's it.

Here we're packed in and we can be this size.

Yeah,

when I go to the gym in Austin, I feel like a piece of shit.

When I go to the gym here, I'm like, I'm like, hey, I'll be like, you using the, you know, you can't be with those monsters over there.

I know, it's bad.

New York City guy.

We're like a catch here.

There,

they want Division I quarterback.

It's awful.

It's like, and these guys lift one weight and they're just like fucking jacked.

For what?

It's tough, man.

I think it's gay.

You know what I used to think?

Fashion muscle.

I used to think working out was super gay.

I think so, too.

Guys would be like, oh, you see this guy's shoulders?

And I'm like, you're talking about some dude's shoulders.

But now that I work out, I'm like, yo, look at this fucking dude's shoulder.

It really has changed in society where every gay person I know is basically John Cena, and every straight person I know is just like a schlub.

It's kind of nice that we get to be the schlubs.

But in Austin, everyone's just in good shape.

The straight guys also have to be John Cena.

Yeah, there's no winter.

It's not fair.

You can't give that excuse of, like, oh, I was just sitting in my apartment for four months.

Like, no, no, winter is nice.

Oh, winter's fucking brutal.

No, it's nice.

You watch Soprano.

That's when the monster comes for me.

That's when the monster comes.

You get blunt raps.

You get blunt raps.

You go to the deli, get blunt raps, watch sopranos.

Have your girl, your cuffing season girlfriend.

You don't like the guts?

I like seeing the guts.

It reminds me of like a, you know,

like the Philly guts, you know?

Like a girl, I haven't spoken to Blunt in so long.

Yeah, of course, but I'm saying the blunt, the guts is like charming.

We used to, we were

Dutch Masters, Corona.

Yeah, yeah, Vanilla Dutch.

We were vanilla Dutch, Philly.

Oftentimes watching sopranos.

Just like rotate siphes of just predominantly Jewish boys just being like, watching sopranos and be like, that's what the game is all about, you know?

Smoking L's.

I smoked weed on sopranos, right?

Which one?

Oh, yeah, we're in the daddy confirmation.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're not happy.

Dude, let's do ads.

Really?

Let's do some fucking ads.

No, I just want to watch.

I just want to hang out with you the rest of my life.

Just be best friends.

You know what we should do?

You should put a TV here like we're watching Sopranos, but then you just describe it to me.

Yeah.

From the first.

That's what I do to women.

Yeah.

Right.

See, you probably don't understand.

I pause it.

You probably don't understand this.

I know you didn't get that.

I know you didn't get that.

I've done that with girls for Sex in the City.

They've done the reverse of that, and I loved it.

I love Sex in the City.

Guys, we are here to talk about ethos.

Yes.

What kind of parent do you strive not to be?

I don't know, abusive, racist.

More so abusive.

Horrible.

More so abusive.

Abusive.

You don't want to be abusive.

Abusive.

That's bad.

And then racist.

I think out of all the things you could be bad as a parent.

I guess a parent is racist.

I guess every parent is racist, now that I think about it.

Yeah, when it comes time to put the kids in a school, they're not just blindly throwing them into that school.

They want to know they want to know percentages.

I had a friend actually that like grew up in like a wealthy town in Jersey and his he had like lib parents and they he they he sent him and his brother were sent to like an all-black high school in Newark.

Like a Catholic all-black high school, St.

Benedict's.

He he actually was he was in class with J.R.

Smith.

He went to ex-Benedict?

He went to ex-Benedict.

Oh shit.

He was in class with J.R.

Smith.

He said that J.R.

Smith would come into Spanish and then sleep.

And dab.

Okay.

What kind of parent do you strive not to be?

That's a great question.

Do you have kids?

No.

You should.

You're a nice guy.

No.

Too racist and abusive.

Yeah, what is this thing where you're like, it's not, it's okay to be.

No, I'm not saying it's okay to be racist.

It's definitely not okay to be racist.

But I can tell you in Texas, it's not number two.

It's not number two.

Maybe a few

bad.

I know.

And then you said racist.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

It's a good thing for a parent to be awful.

You should never be racist.

It's also a bad thing.

I'm not saying.

But it's just not my number two.

It's not my number two.

That is so, AJ.

That is so, AJ.

Yeah, I'm playing a character right now.

For example, the mom who refs from the bleachers, that's annoying.

The dad who gives gifting puny shirts.

Who loves gifting puny shirts?

Sorry.

Is gifting from the bleachers worse than racist?

The mom who refs from the bleachers, I think that's not worse than racist i could agree see i think if she's reffing from the bleachers in a racist way that's pretty bad yeah the dad who loves gifting pun punny shirts not puny shirts what oh like uh that's what she said or like oh punny that's kind of a that's kind of a sick dad actually i don't think that that's a bad parent i think that's worse than racist what do you mean i don't like pun i don't like shirts i don't like shirts with read i don't like dad never gave you a shirt that says she wants the d or something the only time my dad ever gave me a shirt with writing on it was when I got arrested.

He gave me a shirt that said it wasn't me and thought I would think it was.

Shaggy?

Jack?

Shaggy.

Yeah.

I think he said Jackie.

Your dad gave you that shirt after you got arrested?

Yeah, yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

That was cool.

That's hilarious.

It was good because it was the only one he ever did.

But if he was constantly gifting punny shirts, I would.

After your arrest, too?

That's so awesome.

He's the coolest dad ever.

Yeah, he's a cool dad.

Who's your dad?

He's a nice guy.

Nice guy.

Or the parent that gets a little too excited about Spaghetti Wednesday.

What is that?

I don't know.

It's like Taco Tuesday, but Italian.

You had to work with these people.

I know.

They're monsters.

Yeah.

I'll never be the same.

We all plan to be the best mom or dad that we can be.

And the thing you definitely don't want to be is the mom or dad without life insurance.

Life insurance.

Do you have life insurance?

No.

Me neither, actually.

We should get it with ETH.

I don't even have dental.

I don't have...

I had to go to dentist the other day $600 for like 30 minutes of picking at my teeth.

Why?

Because you eat too much candies?

No, I don't need any candies.

$600?

$600.

Yeah.

Really?

$600?

I think it was like $581.

You got a happy ending?

Nothing.

Nothing.

No, no.

$600.

Yeah, and the walls were see-through.

I don't even think she would have if I asked.

The walls were see-through?

Yeah, it was like a, you know, it was like a window.

Like everyone who was walking by, you could see right into her office.

So I don't think she would have.

But she did put that heavy, like, mat over me and take those x-rays.

It feels comforting.

There is something a little horny about it.

There is.

It's like getting your hair shampooed

before you get a haircut.

Yeah, it's a good thing.

There is something that's a little bit like

it's not a full chub, but it's a half chub.

Anyway, it's the only tuck in.

Life insurance.

I'm sorry.

You can get affordable life insurance online in minutes with no medical exams.

This guy's never been to the doctor.

Just answer a few health questions for a quote and apply for coverage at ethoslife.com/slash T-A-F-S, the show.

This show.

So, guys.

It's the fighter and the kid?

No, that's not T A F S, dude.

Oh, sorry.

Maybe you should have.

Did you go to college?

I wouldn't have gotten into the shitty college you went to, even.

I barely finished eighth grade.

I'm a dummy.

I'm a dummy.

You didn't finish, you barely finished eighth grade.

You barely finished eighth grade.

And you just started smoking cigs after that?

Yeah.

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They won't give me.

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Okay.

I really did a bad job at that.

No, that was good.

You know, when Nick is here, what your commercials remind me of?

You know, when like those shitty news shows and they're like, it's 10 seconds to air, and you hear people like yelling random shit?

Those are the vibes it gives me.

Like, you're just trying to read the thing and then Nick is like, what?

Is it Spaghetti Wednesday?

Like, you know what I mean?

It's just like...

It's a little chaotic.

I really like it because it makes me stay and listen.

Normally you fast forward through it.

It's a more valuable ad spot.

Of course.

Yeah.

If it's in the comedy of the show, in the language of the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then Nick trying really hard to go a different direction is what I really.

I think it's great when he's bullying me, making fun of me.

So great.

Yeah.

Number two, Gita.

Is that Captain?

Is that cat hair or dog hair on there?

Cat?

Dog hair.

What?

I'm a dog man.

Okay, good.

What kind of dog?

No, it's good.

It looks like a design.

Pick up.

Like you got it for one of those cool sneaker shops.

Yeah, I got it in the BX, dude.

I went uptown to get a dog hair Yankee fitted.

Yeah.

I got it from the Dominicans, dude.

Is that a dog hair Yankee?

Wow.

Yeah,

I had to go to

the sneaker spot

in the Bronx.

Do they have love for you uptown?

Yeah.

They have the all-five borough.

I'm loved.

All-five borough.

I've loved an all-five borough.

They have love for you.

You go uptown in Jersey.

You smoke hookah with the Dominicans?

No, no.

I'm a blunt with with the brothers kind of guy.

Well, the Dominicans are,

could be.

Yeah.

No,

one of my best friends when I went to school was 181st and Wadsworth, and I stayed at his house.

What's Wadsworth?

Oh, that's in the Bronx?

See, you don't know.

You don't know.

Where'd you really get the hat?

This?

23rd Street?

Where'd you get that?

I got it at the Jewish Community Center.

No, no.

181st and Wadsworth.

And I was like the only white kid to ever be in his building, and his mom made me like Dominican food, and I hated it, but i love that you were on like kawasaki's going 12 o'clock yeah you were you were a rough riding at an atv a rough ride on broadway you did a rough ride yeah wow i remember dmx when he died i lived by barclay center and they had a memorial there and there was it was like uh my house was shaking yeah because it was literally two hours of uh kawasaki ninja style guys they keep these things yeah i always think the same thing when there's like 36 of them i remember like those who went viral for a while of like them bullying cars on the West Side Highway?

Yeah.

Like they would like corner a car and then just like

smash in the windows.

Your team car.

I mean, isn't everyone?

I would never be on a motorcycle robbery.

No way.

My dad's a motorcycle guy.

It's insane.

I wouldn't even get on a bag.

It's dangerous.

Yeah, no way.

Your dad's a Hell's Angel?

My dad's a motorcycle guy.

I will not say what gang he's affiliated with, but he's a motorcycle guy.

What, the Israel Defense Forces?

What did your parents do when you were growing up?

They were in the arts?

I mean, no, not at all.

Nobody in my family ever.

So I was six years old or five years old, and the guy who's still my manager today, like walking down the street, he was like, hey, you, like, your son should be in

acting or whatever.

And that's how I'm nobody in my family ever knew anything about.

My grandfather was a super.

Nobody really.

When I was six, I don't think anybody really even had a job.

And then now it's now people are doing much better.

So some old man pointed at you on the streets?

Now he's old.

Then he was young.

But yeah, he was my manager.

Now he was like, he should be in

actor or whatever.

It's cool.

You got to be in something cool and not some like molestation Disney thing.

You know what?

Yeah.

You really got off light.

Yeah.

You're like an altar boy that like didn't get touched.

Right.

Yeah.

I always think about that, and I think it's a New York LA thing.

And I'm not saying nobody in New York got touched in Kiddler's.

Hey, come to my house in the hills.

Like I was, I was an actor.

You figure you scream from the Hollywood Hills.

That's what it is yeah here but here everyone's screaming so you don't even you're in new york city it's honk honk scream scream screech i'm smoking over here

yeah yeah

so oh so you're saying that like the that la

uh that's there was way more molest i just know that when you know being in new york yeah when you were an actor it was just kind of like something you also did but people would still tell you like go fuck yourself if you're an actor in la no one's telling you to go fuck yourself it's like it's like

oh my god like people are so excited.

Like, I remember when we would go out there, there was a very different feeling, and it was uncomfortable for me.

I don't like, I don't like the optimism.

You know how everyone's like,

everyone's like, I'm just living my dreams right now.

Like,

I feel so lucky that I can see here and

I'm really just going for it for the first time in my life, and you could just tell they want to kill themselves.

Yeah, yeah.

And then everyone here is like, I fucking want to kill myself.

I hate my life, but we're like, we, this is the best fucking city in the world.

Number two, Geeta.

Yeah, I think also the thing is, like, in New York, when people don't like somebody, they don't hang out with him.

We're in LA, they hang out with him, but then they all tell you they don't like the guy.

Like, they're like, yeah, no one likes him.

But his dad invented the zipper, so we all hang out with him.

Yeah.

But I don't understand why you just don't hang out with this guy.

But they just, everybody's just trying to, like, move up.

Yeah, yeah.

In some kind of way.

They're real fake ass cocksuckers over there.

They're so fucking.

And listen, there's great people in LA too.

I'm just saying, like, in the actor, the people that I came across, it made me very uncomfortable.

When in New York, people were like, people didn't give a fuck.

So you were in commercials and shit before Sopranos?

I was in commercials.

I did a movie.

I did Saturday Night Live.

Actually, I did like a little.

You were on the cast?

I was in a skit.

Oh,

you were.

Horatio Sands.

Horatio Sands.

Horatio Sands.

Yeah, yeah.

You were in a skit for SNL.

Which one was it?

I was in a sket for SNL.

It was like the Sandler years?

It was Rosie O'Donnell was hosting.

It was Will Farrell.

I need her.

It was Will Farrell.

What I would have.

Houston was the the

artist, the act.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I miss her.

Sweetheart.

She's the best.

She's a sweetheart.

Yeah, you remember

the track is cheap.

Yeah.

Rosie O'Donnell came up to all the kids in the skit and she said, I want to give you all tickets to my

show.

She had the Rosie O'Donnell show at the time.

Oh, yeah, in the crouche balls.

I remember that.

Right.

Yeah.

And she asked us all to put down a phone number, email, and her person would reach out to us and give us all tickets to the show.

Never heard from her.

What a fit.

Why would she ask?

Take that shit over to LA,

Rosie.

Yeah.

Leave that shit to Ellen.

You know, Stav,

our pal,

when he was a kid, he found out that she was a lesbian and he cried because he was like, Rosie's going to go to hell.

Wow.

Because he loved her.

He thought she was cool.

I don't even know what there really is to love or dislike about Rosie O'Donnell.

You know what I mean?

I feel she's pretty neutral.

No,

whatever Trump thinks, I'm pretty much going with.

I think he says

she's a pig or something.

Respect.

Respect.

Number two, Donald.

Number 45.

Number 45, Donald.

You watched last night or no?

We haven't even talked about it.

I watched, yeah.

Let's talk about it.

I'm too dumb to even know.

I just hate.

I just hate.

You just hate what?

I just hate politics.

You know what I mean?

I have nothing.

It's really embarrassing for America interesting to say about politics.

I don't think anybody wants to hear it.

We're going to get to the bottom of it.

We're going to get to the bottom.

Yeah, it just makes me sad.

It's really sad just because seeing that as the end of our empire.

Like in England,

they did a flag ceremony and gave Hong Kong away and then had a solitary tear.

Yeah.

And like we're doing like diss.

Kiss

the Indian boy that was their boyfriend and then said, goodbye, India.

For us, we have just

a guy pooping his pants,

like a scared old man pooping his pants, and then the goat obviously dropping fire.

Well,

even Trump is like holding it back now because he sees just.

just Trump felt bad for him.

Trump legit felt bad for him at certain points.

Well, he, of course, he's a sweetheart.

He's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.

Number one.

I wish he was on Sopranos.

Yeah, well, he'll probably tell you he was.

Just ask him.

He was on Home Alone 2.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you remember that?

He was the best actor.

They said no one had ever

seen acting.

They'd never seen acting solid.

They wanted him for Tony Soprano.

You know that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was busy with Apprentice.

He said,

I would never play a WAP.

No.

disgusting people

um no it is weird it's like uh he is still a guy from queens you know what i mean he is still just like a gross outer borough like new yorker right i think that's so many people see him as like

so like oh my god this guy's so crazy i'm like yeah that guy's like oh that but that's like a dying breed of new like new yorkers that are like that that's the kind of just can't afford to live here anymore they just like they go to like little in florida a little in connecticut a little in here they're all they have like pockets mid-island long island Yeah.

I did one of the best shows I've ever done, stand-up, was at Levitt Town, Long Island.

And it's all like cops on like leave for police brutality.

It's all the guys that call into Mike.

Well, it's just like they're so drunk and so stupid, and like they just want to laugh, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

I was making fun of them.

I was like, I was like, what do you guys do for a little bit?

I was like, I feel like you guys just call into Mike and the mad dog.

And they're just like the kind of guys that are like, Mike,

there are too many blacks on the jets it's not fair why don't why are there so many blacks on the jets

those kind of guys you know they they are at a premium they don't really exist anymore i guess staten island maybe yeah but like the sopranos is kind of a testament to like that style of guy really yeah like it's just that maybe they're all dying too but like my my friend he's i think they're still out there they just can't afford to live all in one place anymore you you know?

But I think I think before COVID, this city was like turning into like a, you know, like a LLB

almost.

Like now it's it's turned back to it feels more like when I was younger and it's kind of

a lot more mental illness, a lot more

people.

It just feels like people from the block rather than like

I remember going out in New York City in like 2018 and like

people thought it was like so cool that I was born in New York.

Like they were like wow, you know,

you were like a townie to them or something.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

You know what it is?

Sex in the city.

Really?

Sex in the city.

Some of the dumbest women in the world are like, I'm going to go live my Carrie Bradshaw dream.

Right.

Yeah.

And then the six.

They just have a credit card from a dad, and they're like, they're just shopping.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Contributing nothing to the

let's get the crazies back out.

But I like the, you know, our crazies are nice because I travel and do stand-up, and our guys are like, in other cities, they have screamies, and those guys are like very scary.

Like, yeah, I was in Portland, Oregon.

I was there recently, and a guy said, I'm gonna fuck you in your dreams to me, in my dreams.

I was just like, What the fuck does that even

maybe he was just being a bitchy girl, like, in your dreams?

You never have to, yeah, you'll never get this.

You're just like a vagrant on the street, and I'm like, it's not right to like they're like very angry.

Our guys are, we have sleepies in New York, yeah.

I mean, they get a little

angry.

Yeah, there's some anger.

I don't know.

They punched Steve Buscemi in the mouth.

You heard about that, right?

No.

The man's an institution.

Institution.

Three weeks ago, he got punched in the face.

By New York's face.

By a screamy?

By a screamy.

We shouldn't have screamies here.

Sleepies, I'm fine with.

I saw a sleepy pick up a pigeon and put it in a shopping bag the other day.

That's a good guy.

Yeah, we should do like a pro-sleepies march.

No one was using the pigeon.

Go ahead.

Knock yourself out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is it?

A see-through magazine.

And he's rocking around.

It's the different drugs, right?

It is drugs.

Drugs versus what?

Melatonin?

Yeah.

CBD gummies.

Yeah, yeah, they're gummies.

Those guys are getting geeked off of CBD.

Wow, those guys are real.

Yeah, they take four at a time.

Wait, do we miss the read?

For fume?

Fur fume?

Oh, my God.

Sorry about that.

Should I not?

Wait.

No, go ahead.

Let's do it.

I think it's ad time.

It's ad time.

Fume.

It's F-U with an umlaut M.

Should I take my shirt off?

Fume.

Pronounce fume.

It's a flavored air device that helps people quit vaping or smoking.

However, oh, no.

Pete, it's the wrong one again.

Oh, no, no, I got it.

I got it.

I got it.

It's the other side.

Okay.

Let's just run it again.

This guy's a real pro.

He knows how, you know how TV works.

Yeah, fume.

You can.

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This guy is hooked on flavored air.

It's a whole new movement.

That's what the sleepies are doing.

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It's a movement like civil rights or something.

Led by the sponsor of today's video, Fume.

What would happen?

Every, like, the thing that sucks about this copy is like, they're like, say this, don't say this, say this, don't say this.

Just put all the don't say this in one spot.

Yeah.

Now I'm mad.

See, that's why you've made it.

We all have bad habits.

Mine, or my friends, it literally says, or my friends.

Point at Robert.

Was

the kind you think you're doing so

well going without.

What?

Sentence is that?

Dude, every week.

Every week, Pete.

Just say flavored airs.

I just said flavored air.

Flavored air.

What would happen if you describe a creative form of destruction?

What is going on?

Are these

ads?

Are you doing this?

Well, you didn't go to school.

I can't read.

You didn't go to school, so you wouldn't understand what this means, but it's insane.

They're throwing umlauts at me.

As if Charles

wrote this.

Where were you?

I'm jumping around.

I can't find one sentence just to read.

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They're really selling.

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You'll never need to charge it?

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Wow.

They should, see, they should put this in

the cars.

No, looks awesome.

Feel-the-weighted, high-quality design.

Made to fidget with.

Oh, that's good.

Comes that you have a bunch of them.

Oh, wow.

This is good.

Fume.

Fume.

Here, this is the fume.

Look at this.

So, inside, you put in a

core.

I need the mic.

But, like, uh.

Yeah, yeah.

Why don't you knock yourself out?

Yeah, this is this is good for my 11 years of sobriety.

What are you giving me here?

It's flavored air.

I don't know.

I haven't had flavored air in 11 years.

All my air has been neutral.

No, no, but flavored air is not

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Orange vanilla first.

Orange vanilla first?

Try what?

First, try orange vanilla first.

Oh, okay, got it.

He didn't go to school.

He didn't go to school with this guy.

Yeah.

If you taste this on camera, ensure to smile and act like.

No, no, no.

See, they put stuff in there.

Right.

Yeah.

Oh, my word.

Breathe in through your mouth.

Let me give the code.

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It's great.

Jesus Christ.

We need to go back to school, school, dude.

That was great.

Okay, you need to finish high school.

Okay, here's the plan: you need a Billy Madison.

No, no, no, no, no.

You need to go Billy Madison mode, finish up, get that, get that MF diploma, then

you'll be educated enough to see the nuances within the Sopranos.

Then you call David Chase and you say, ask me any question you got.

And he'll be like,

who's the main character?

And you'll be like, Tony.

Fuck with me.

You try to trip me up, David Chase everyone knows it's Tony everyone knows the main character is the state of New Jersey

yeah

that's so funny dude is he a chill he's a chill guy David Chase David Chase is great yeah he's a you know he's a hard-working guy I think he when he did our pod he was saying that like people said he never smiled which apparently wrote people the wrong way he wasn't a smile guy but uh yeah he said he just ever since he was a kid he it's not his thing smiling is not his thing Well, his m L Livia is based on his mother, right?

Right.

So he had like a psychopathic, like, BPD mother.

Yeah.

And it, like, informed it informed that character.

So I imagine he didn't have a lot of smiles in his life.

I wonder if that's who they were talking about in the first ad, an ethos.

I don't even remember.

Remember?

It was like, is your mom psychopathic?

Is she racist?

Remember?

I said racist, but they said, is your mom referee?

Refereeing from the stand.

That's the word.

Man,

imagine the show that kid would write.

Imagine if you get subbed on the field, you get a sack, and your dad is

on the bleachers.

He says, that's my boy.

Imagine that.

Wow.

Imagine we will watch the show.

Did it feel like you got a real sack?

Or did it feel like more like it felt more?

Now you're turning into one of those kids.

Did it feel more like

when they let the mentally handicapped kid score the touchdown?

Yeah.

I felt like a little Rudy-ish.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't think Rudy was mentally handicapped.

I think it was just short.

Physically.

I don't think it was physically.

I think it was probably just 5-6 or something.

I think 5-6 in football is considered a physical handicap.

You could be a speed guy, kick-returner.

You'd be Darren Spurls.

You'd be Darren Spurler, kick-returner.

Darren Spurls.

Yeah.

Running back.

Running back, you could be a 5-6.

There's a couple guys, I think.

Yeah, yeah.

You're a Jets fan?

No,

I'm a football fan.

I grew up liking the Dolphins for some reason.

The Dolphins?

Dan Marino.

I loved Dan Marino, 13.

That was my favorite.

That was my guy.

That was your guy.

Yeah.

O.J.

McDuffie action, yeah.

I I remember O.J.

McDuffie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was a fun.

That was a fun team.

That was the real.

No, no, come on.

Don't disparage the goat.

The real NFL OJ.

Come on.

Don't disparage the goat.

I'm just saying.

2,000 yards, one season.

Put O.J.

McDuffie against Aranthal James.

What's that other guy's name?

O.J.

Simpson.

My sister served him at a restaurant, the late O.J.

Simpson.

I know his body's not even cold yet.

I don't want to disparage him.

But he said to her that she's got a great figure.

and then

they paid for the ch.

I'm just saying, like, does he say this to everyone, or is your sister?

I don't know what OJ says to everyone.

I think OJ says to her.

Well, that's why that's why I'm asking for your confirmation.

If she doesn't have a great figure and you just said it to her, he says it to everyone.

My sister is, I don't know, she's like 350, 375 pounds.

Oh, she's a great figure.

No, she's, I don't know.

She looks like me, but a girl.

He says it to everyone.

Oh, yeah, she does.

That's how the story.

I don't see.

He hasn't met my sister.

Okay, great, girl.

Love, love, best sister.

Best wishes.

Anyways, so

he pays for his check, and then the girls sitting at the table.

She was working at a restaurant.

The girl sitting at the table next to OJ says, just so you know, he still murders.

He murders that pussy.

He'll still murder.

Wow.

I wonder.

Thank God my sister

didn't get murdered by Mr.

Renthel James Simpson.

That's true.

Honestly, I don't buy the...

I think innocent.

You think innocent?

I think Michael Jackson is innocent.

I'm a truther when it comes to a lot of stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If said you trust the courts.

You gotta trust the courts.

You gotta open your mind.

That's what the justice...

You've been in the justice system?

I've been, yeah, only like waist deep, but I didn't like, you know, I wasn't.

You were like...

You know, I dip my my toe in balls deep yeah yeah I was balls deep you backwalled the justice system I didn't like fully dive into the justice system but I flew the back out of the justice system

I flirted I flirted with what you got in trouble for weed

no so I was

you know we would just drink every night in the park and there are like some people when you were a kid yeah when I was a kid in New York City yeah for like from 12 to like 16 which I still I'd probably still be doing it if I didn't get arrested when I got arrested Edward 40 hands yeah right I was Edward Furlong Hands.

Edward Furlong Hands?

Wow.

Wow.

You were kind of in a pussy posse with him?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you ever apply to the pussy posse back in the day or you were too young?

No, I was kind of a lone wolf.

I wasn't really, I wasn't a posse guy.

Yeah, I wasn't down.

So it was like seven dick appointments a week.

I tried to start my own.

It was me, David Copperfield, and a couple other guys, and it just didn't take off.

Really?

Yeah.

Tricks were a little bit more.

Oh, you needed your own magician because they had Blaine.

They had Blaine.

So we wanted to start a little

kind of rival thing.

It's tough.

It's tough being a magician.

You can't really find love, I feel like.

Because your whole life is lies.

Kicks are all lies.

So you can't like, you can never fully

open yourself up to love.

Yeah.

I met Blaine once.

One of my friends is like best friends with Blaine and he would come to dinner all the time and he would just start eat.

Like if there were girls at the table, he would just start eating your glass and like do things like that.

That's amazing.

He wouldn't stop doing magic.

He wouldn't.

But it wasn't like, hey, you guys ready for this it's like he would be mid-conversation with you and then pick this up and just start eating it like and then it's like and you're like wow he's doing his magic is real yeah yeah yeah right yeah i really like he did one trick where i was like that's real magic

yeah you're a wizard yeah what do you remember the trick

he did a trick where he took a photo

And then he did like a card thing.

Someone like thought of a card.

And then he went through the deck and he couldn't find it and i was like with nick and i was like nick your vibe is so bad that you are now making david blame mess up and then he's like actually just check that photo and the card was in the picture my friend was like holding the card but it was a card that my friend had he asked to think of it after we took the picture

it's real magic Chills.

Also, the respect that he has of the black community.

I mean, I would...

Well, they're his best audience.

He's pandering, though.

He's not pandering.

They love him.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

If they didn't, would he still appreciate them

as much?

Why are you going at Blaine this hard?

I love Blaine.

You're boys with Copperfield.

You're boys with Copperfield.

I got you, bro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's the homie.

You know what I mean?

That's so sick.

Wait, so you weren't in a young actor squad?

I never hung out with another actor.

Like Tony Sorico, James Getolfiti, I would hang out with, but like, as far as like kid actor, if some kid said he was an actor, I would like push him down the road.

Sorrico wasn't really an actor, I imagine.

I imagine he was just a guy.

That was him.

Yeah.

So he came to my.

He was like, he had a criminal past, right?

Yeah,

time.

He went full into the justice system, you know, where I only did it.

He went, yeah, he was.

He was

deep throat.

Yeah, he went all the way.

So, yeah, he came to like my communion or confirmation.

I think it was confirmation at that time and he like gave me it was my bar mitzvah and he gave me a like an envelope with like $500 in it like a kiss on the cheek

double-breasted like silver suit like he was it was awesome yeah and the rest of my family's like I think I think Rob's in the mob now really

yeah and he would hang out with mobsters like Jimmy the hat and like all of his friends had like these crazy these crazy names I was talking with my friend last week who's from Staten Island he's like he's an Italian guy he's like he's like yeah my fucking uncle he's like he was the first guy to invent like acting like you're fucking retarded in in court he's like Jimmy the Jimmy the chin stole that from my uncle but he was saying it as that was a as if that was a flex yeah yeah you don't think that's a flex to be the first guy to invent to act or the funny the thing also at the end of sopranos that you realize sorry i'm being so obnoxious but like is that tony's not really making that much money right that house was nice all these guys the house is nice but like i think those guys are pulling 250 a year i think like all those murders, all the...

Like $96 money you're talking though, $97 money, $250 a year.

Okay, fine.

But all the killings, all like the

hiding bodies, all the trouble that they're going through is mainly to be hanging out with their boys in the back of a pork store, and then and they kind of maybe pull $170 a year.

Like, I don't think, like, yeah, and like, that's the funny part of it is, like, it's, sometimes it's like, when you look at the numbers, it's like a little bit too much trouble.

Maybe more so it's about chilling with your boys, I think.

But it's also about there's a people who like that.

Like I have friends who,

I grew up in the city, I have friends where like you could be like, hey, you want to go make $1,000 in like a very legit, easy way?

Or do you want to go make $500 in like a, but you got to really be a scumbag about it?

And they're like, yeah, where's a 500?

Like

they like that.

You know, they don't feel like they deserve.

You grew up in kids.

You did like a kids style thing.

That was filmed like all around my area.

Kids was very around my area, like getting 40s at the fucking in the deli and skateboarding.

When did you swipe your V?

Like 11?

No, I was like 16.

Yeah.

I was fat.

You got to remember I was fat.

Good luck being a fucking skinny.

And they were making you eat to look like Tony.

Yeah.

They were like.

Yeah.

They took me up to a tube.

It wasn't even I had to eat for me every three hours.

These the Jewish executives, I can't be skinny enough, they tell me.

All right.

They're like, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels and stuff.

Yeah.

Well, when I got here, you were running around the block.

They make you

burn cows.

Yeah, and

what's it called?

They just give you flavored air.

Flavored air.

Flavored air.

Pozambic.

Cum.

Old.

It's easy with a cum, though.

That couldn't.

No, a cum is a little bit.

I'm doing diet cum these days.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no, that's so like, so

you were too young and you were working every day.

You had a tutor on set and stuff like that?

So I tried to go to school until I was like f fourteen.

Yeah.

And then I just stopped.

But like I didn't really tell anybody.

And then like somewhere around fifteen or maybe I think sixteen, they were like, we gotta get him a tutor and I had like a full on

home schooling.

So I actually like if you look it up, I think I have like a private school diploma, which is awesome.

But I really just I went to school up until I went to public school in the city up until eighth grade.

And then I went to ninth grade'cause the school uh accepted me, which was not a very good school.

And I went there, and I just never really, I was like, I don't want to go here.

I never really showed up.

Really?

But on set, they always have like a

teacher.

Yeah, they have like a tutor, but again, you can like you can be like, no, I don't want to do this right now.

And they can't be like, you have to do it.

You know, it was just a little bit of a title.

They got you one of the dancers at the Bing, though.

Yeah.

Right.

Did she have big cans?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I apologize, dude.

No, that was a strong five.

It's not.

Come on.

on.

There you go, brother.

Do you want to go to One Oak tonight?

Do you want to get a table?

You were telling me before we started, your mom gets tables at Tao.

Well, my mom passed away, so thanks a lot for rest in peace.

She's a lovely woman.

No,

yeah, I went to Tao in Vegas.

I said, you told me you moved to Vegas.

I was like, oh, you went to Tao too hard?

You were like, I wasn't sober.

I was like, oh, you went to Tao too much.

So I went to Vegas for two weeks, and I came home a year and a half later.

so sick

so hangover style dude yeah i was so style coolest guy really yeah just hanging out by myself doing drugs and gambling no girls

uh i mean it was a lot more solo drug you know i always prioritized drugs over women so like if there was ever any friction with women about like oh what do you you know like you're doing drugs or this it was like i'm gone i'm i disappeared because i just all i wanted to do was do drugs yeah yeah yeah yeah what was your drug of choice cocaine depends on the era i had the, you know, I started when I was like 12, it was like the little weed and drinking.

And then like, somewhere, like, you know, the teens started, like, I would like, do it, you do an ecstasy on weekends, or you take a fucking Viking and you do this.

But then around 17, the cocaine came in, and it got, it got abusive, like,

really bad.

And then

like 22, I stopped drinking for a year to stop doing Coke because I couldn't stop doing Coke.

And then around 23, I started drinking again, and then I started doing like ketamine and Molly and Exeye and I was like, well, it's not Coke.

So I just like for the next five years, I was doing that.

And then my hangovers got so bad that I got addicted to like Xanax and Percocets.

So I was taking like 15 perks a day and then doing a lot of Zans.

Pete goes, holy shit.

Yeah.

Damn.

And then City kids grow up fast, though.

I feel like.

Yeah, you grow up, and then you put the fucking acting world into it, and this and whatever.

And it was easy for me to kind of get stuff and I and I'm a huge loner.

Like I spend 98% of my time alone and I think at that age, like now that I'm an adult, I go, that's fine.

That's what I like.

But I think at like

in my early 20s, it was like, that's weird.

And like you're weird.

What do you do alone now?

I just hang.

You don't watch the pranos.

I mean, like, it's kind of perfect to watch Sopranos, honestly.

Right, right, yeah.

No, it's so funny.

My friends that grew up in the city, they're all like, I had my acid phase at 12.

Yeah, I had a little acid, but not really.

I did acid, but it was never, it wasn't like a full-on phase where I was like, yo, where are we going again?

Because it was like, you know,

you don't feel, I wouldn't feel good the next day after acid.

Did you ever have bars growing up?

Did I go to bars?

No, no, bars.

Like Sanny?

No, no, rapping.

Oh, was I spitting hot fire?

No, no.

You weren't like that style?

No, no.

Well, you were a city kid.

I mean, I imagine you were in.

You didn't all rap?

I imagine you were in like, you know, eight-mile-style sipes.

Yeah,

no, never.

No, we just sat around the park, like, smoking, drinking.

We used to do stupid shit, like, uh, you do, like, blow for blow.

So, you do, like, someone punches you, and then you punch them back, and you keep going until one person quits.

We, but we weren't rapping, scary, it's too scary.

It's very scary.

I wouldn't, you know, we were all like, it's so funny, like, nobody like worked out, no, we were all, like, weak, you know, white kids in, in, like, when I was in high school, we would, like, sit and, like, smoke as much weed as possible and drink, like, you know, vodka or whatever.

And I had a prom after party, and I was like friends with like the black girls in school, but like, I was like, why don't we ever hang out outside of school?

I was like, I'm having this prom after party, and

you should come so we could like have fun.

And like,

you know, after prom,

and they all came, and we were like sitting around like a, you know, like a patio table, like smoking as much and drinking as much.

And they were like, why is no, they walked in, they were like, no one's dancing.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh,

I was like, what?

Wow.

Yeah.

I was like, what?

You guys dance.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

You feel kind of bad.

Did you start dancing or did you just fully rest?

They used to, in high school, they used to form a circle around me and make me do the Harlem Shake, which I thought they really enjoyed, but in retrospect, I think they were making fun of me.

But as long as you were making them laugh, you know?

Yeah.

I kind of thought that I was like, I'm so good at the Harlem Shake that all these gals are like,

they're like, this guy's incredible.

We're going to kind of barricade him in a circle and not let him leave until he does a perfect Harlem shake for us.

That was the really Harlem shake.

You'll never really know if you were great at it or if they were laughing at you, right?

You said you're a triple threat, though.

Dancing, singing, acting?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really?

All of it.

You did hip-hop ballet and

yeah,

I did hip-hop ballet.

I actually did like a more urban side of the shit.

I originated hip-hop ballet

takeoff because I was the only one who could do it.

Really?

So it just, it didn't get, there was no like springboard, you know what I mean?

And they didn't want me to do it on Soprano, so I couldn't really talk about it.

Why'd you stop acting?

I didn't like it.

Well, I obviously, when I was 22, when the Sopranos was over, I was like, I just want to do drugs and like disappear and went to Vegas and just partied.

was just I just wanted to go dark, you know?

And then when I tried to go back and like start acting again, I was like, oh, I realized like I was passionate about Sopranos, but I'm not passionate about acting.

Like I thought acting sucked.

Like Like, people just being like, stand here, say this, eat this,

I think, also, doing a lot of drugs, like, my memory for memorizing the words.

You just weren't as good at it.

I wasn't good at memorizing the words.

Yeah, yeah, but now you're sharp, dude.

Now you can have your comeback.

No, because I still think the drugs affect it.

You know, I did like this acting thing for Tom Segura a year ago, and I was like,

I just, it was really hard for me to fucking memorize.

And again, I'm not trying to say, like, acting's hard.

It's a fucking, it's an easy job compared, you know, relatively, but I just find that that.

I think it's the hardest job in the world.

Yeah.

It's motherhood and an actor.

Yeah.

Wow.

Male actor.

Female actor, easy.

Cleavage, sexy girl.

Yeah.

The word.

You'll never get the right.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, God.

Okay.

You love these ads.

I fucking hate these.

Dude, I don't understand.

Like, you, I wish I could quit podcasting and be in the Sopranos.

You did the opposite.

I did the reverse.

I think you're really ruining your life.

I think you need to go back to the Sopranos.

Well, I make Jamie read the ads.

Oh, you do?

I can't.

Yeah, like Nick makes you read them most of the time, right?

Yeah, you know, he doesn't really, he's not a.

Yeah, he does make a

Jamie.

You're the

Jamie of this pod.

I'm like the Meadows.

Yeah, you're basically Meadow.

Yeah, kind of perfect.

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What are your pubes looking like these days?

They're not bald, but they're like very neatly trimmed.

Really?

Yeah.

Why?

Why?

I just think it's a better, I think it's disgusting to just let them grow, but bald is like, I would never share.

I'd probably get like razor burn.

I've never done that shit.

I'm not bald.

My shit looks like fucking Lenny Kravitz down there.

Really?

You don't...

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Rally's on the microphone.

All the people in the dance would agree that we will qualify to represent the LB.

Do you like Sublime?

I finally got to spit my bars, my New York City bars.

No, no, it's Long Beach.

LBC.

I'm saying I'm in New York City.

I got to spit bars.

You were asking if I spit bars.

Do you like hip-hop music?

I do love hip-hop, yeah.

Respect.

What do you like?

Do you like Boom Bap, Golden Era, 1993?

No, I was actually more.

I didn't really get into hip-hop until I started getting laid.

So I was like, I was like 16, you know?

It wasn't until 2001 where I was like, damn, this shit is.

I was listening to like Pantera and Slayer and like Death Metal.

Oh, so in the show, when you're like, I need to go to the, what what was it, like the

Static X Mud Vein concert?

Hell yeah.

That was the real music that you liked as a boy.

I would wear like Pantera shirts on set, and then my character would be wearing like a Pantera shirt.

So Chase led it in the show for you.

Yeah, it was a little slip-knot.

I was a big slip-knot guy.

It was too scary for me.

For me, Slip-knot guy.

Too scary for me.

I would go see them at like the Roxy when I was like super young, and it was fucking...

Oh, I love that shit.

But then as soon as I got laid,

it was like Jaw Rule.

It was the fucking 50s, it was Jay-Z.

It was the music girls liked.

Right.

It was like, oh, shit.

Not like you.

I didn't reject the dance.

When the dancing came to me, I rose to the occasion.

I didn't reject it.

I just said that, oh, we as whites forgot to dance.

I was like, we never even conceived of that you should dance.

I was like, well, it was also you and a bunch of guys.

No, there was like fine-ass girls, like mad girls.

Just fine-ass, mad, fine-ass bada bing girls.

Yeah, just like fine-ass.

No, totally.

My bad.

My bad.

Yeah, you're right.

Whatever, dude.

I didn't fuck Genie Sack, dude.

Whatever.

I didn't fuck George.

Genie Smooth Sack Summer.

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Promo code T-A-F-Smanscape.com.

Dude,

there is a scene that is so funny when Johnny Sack forgets something at home and he catches her eating candy.

And he's like, I thought you were on the Atkins.

I never told you to lose weight.

Why would you lie to me?

You should have him on here.

He's a great guy.

He blocked me.

He blocked you on Twitter?

On Twitter.

Oh, because you're racist?

No, he's right.

I said I replied to him like a joke.

No, I mean,

he's a conservative gentleman.

Right?

And what, you were like, yeah, I don't dance with black girls.

No, I didn't say anything like that.

I think I made a joke in a response.

I have nothing but respect for the man.

It doesn't sound.

I don't think he blocks people who have nothing but respect.

Number two.

You have his number?

Yeah, you want to call him right now?

Call him right now, please.

I just want to apologize.

Please.

Please, please call him.

Just tell him it was a misunderstanding.

I support President Trump.

I don't even know if he has FaceTime, but we should FaceTime him right or should we?

FaceTime him right now.

Will he pick up?

Yeah.

Wow.

Is this a.

FaceTime?

He has iPhone?

That's what I was saying.

Where is he in Florida?

Uh no, he's in uh let me see.

Wow.

Here, let's see if he can.

I really need to apologize.

Get the microphone.

Please answer, please answer.

Please answer, please answer.

Come on, Vance.

He knows you're here.

No, he doesn't know.

Is he anti-Semite?

He's an anti-Semite?

You know, it's tough for Jews now.

Not to all of them, but maybe audio call him.

He probably doesn't understand FaceTime technology.

Here, I'll leave this here and

see if he calls me.

See if he calls me.

Just double call him.

If he doesn't FaceTime it back, act like it's an emergency.

If he doesn't FaceTime back, no, act like it's an emergency.

Say I'm in prison.

You're so not Italian.

See, you're not Italian either.

Fake emergencies.

You can't fake it.

I'm way more Italian than you are.

We can't fake emergencies.

If I was in Sopranos, I would have converted.

No, number one rule when you're Italian, don't fake emergencies.

What do you mean?

No, Italians are the Jews of

don't do it yet.

Don't call them yet.

Wait three minutes, and then we'll call, because FaceTime would be better.

I'd rather him see, I'd rather him.

No, we call him and then we say, can I FaceTime you?

And he'll be like, I don't know.

I don't know how to make the,

yeah, and then we'll say, like, just we'll do it now.

You know what we are?

We're like, one of, what are we getting?

I don't know.

It made a noise.

You know what we are?

We're like, you know how MTV has like catfish and like all those shows.

I'm in a secret relationship.

We're like, you're you're facing the people you blocked on Twitter.

That's the new Adam Freeland.

That's what I'm saying.

I don't remember why.

That's what I'm saying.

But I think he thought I was a liberal and I couldn't be more conservative.

I have tremendous respect for, especially after last night's performance.

I would like to get his thoughts on the debate.

I'm sure he has a lot of.

Oh, yeah, he definitely has thoughts.

Did he text you?

He texted?

No, it's somebody else.

Just call him back, dude.

I need to talk to him.

I've been on one date in the last year and a half, and I have a date tonight.

Why?

Tonight?

You have a date tonight?

Dude, I don't think you understand what I'm doing.

What are you going to wear?

A real loner.

You're looking at it, bud.

You're going to wear this?

Yeah.

Where are you taking her?

I haven't decided yet.

Okay, let's come up with a.

Okay, here's what you want.

You want a game plan?

Tell her this.

I tell her right away: go, I don't dance.

That's how I start.

No, no, no, this is what you do.

Don't make it like a meal.

It's too much pressure.

That's why I don't know yet because I need her, and then if I like to do a fun activity that's like low stakes.

Lowest tacos number one.

So say this: say this: the actor that played Johnny Sack is dead, and I have to go to his funeral, but I have a suit, but I need to get shoes for the suit.

What do I know from shoes?

Right?

Yeah.

So do you want to come

back?

You're some greasy mick.

Yeah.

Do you want to come help me find shoes for the funeral of the actor Vincent, what's his last name?

Curatola.

Curatola.

Yeah.

I mean, maybe don't even lie about a funeral.

Just say, I need to get dress shoes.

Come with me.

And then you're at a shop, and then you're doing like a fashion montage.

You're like, look at this hat.

And she's like, ha ha ha ha ha.

You don't have to talk about the fact that you haven't been on a date in a year and a half.

I open with that.

You open with that?

Because then they feel like where'd you meet her?

Raya?

Yeah, pretty much.

Really?

Yeah, that's how we, you know, that's how I roll.

She's fire, though.

Yeah, I mean, I hope so.

Now we'll call Vince.

Call Vince.

Yeah, I get it.

Oh, my God.

He's the best.

Honestly, he's one of the best characters on the show.

He's a vibe guy.

He could send stuff.

I think he knows you're here.

How does he know?

I don't know.

He doesn't know who I am.

Call again.

Call again.

What is that?

I spoke to him a week ago.

Magic.

What?

Is there something wrong?

Do we have to go get shoes?

We have to get shoes.

Okay, here we go.

What was that?

That was weird.

That's crazy that he's not picking up.

Vince.

Hello, Vincent.

Hello, Vince.

Hello, what's up?

How are you?

Hold on, let's will this sound good on the thing?

I'm doing a podcast right now, and the gentleman who hosts the podcast says you blocked him on Twitter.

It was a misunderstanding.

He's a huge Sopranos fan, and

he said it was a misunderstanding.

But he's a bit of a smart ass, so you were probably.

I really don't give a fuck, okay?

No, no.

No, no, no.

Listen.

You don't have to give a fuck.

I'm listening.

I don't give a fuck.

I don't care.

No, no, but I think that it was a...

Call me when you're alone, Robert.

Let me go.

No, no, no, no, no.

But I think you think that I'm some sort of liberal.

What did you do to this guy, bro?

Holy shit.

That was amazing.

Bro, what did you do?

I didn't do anything.

I think he thought I was some sort of liberal when I couldn't have more respect for our president.

Chills.

Wow.

Well, I think with that, you know, that.

I should have told him about fume.

Vincent curatola

actor from sopranos

bobby eiler he had no time for you he knew it was me he knew he hates me

he hates me

he's probably on the subreddit what did you do

i i said something i don't know i forgot what i said it was years ago it was like 2016.

well you know what it is we hit him up the day after the debate too he's probably he's he's fine high yeah because his boy cooked last year but he's one of the nicest guys I've ever.

He's such a sweetheart, and you just caused him to hang up on me.

Did you get that?

I get it.

It's all air.

I got to hear that back.

Wow, bro.

That's one of the funniest things that's ever happened.

You might get whacked.

He's.

Yeah, I heard Genie Sack got a fucking

100,000-pound mole removed from her ass.

What did he say?

I don't give a fuck.

He said, I don't give a fuck.

Damn, bro.

Call me when you're alone.

I'm going to go self-harm.

I'm going to go kill myself.

Thank you for joining us.

Thank you for joining us, Robert.

Wow.

Dude, honestly, it was a pleasure.

Yeah, man.

Thank you.

You're my dog.

You're my dog for life.

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