The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Kurt Metzger - Episode 47

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

Guest today.

Give it up for a few days.

There you go, we have a vapor.

So how does look, because let me see this now, because you were the first person I know to vape, and you were vaping.

You were vaping in the era of

the thing was R2D2, basically.

There was a problem with the fucking whole setup.

I actually liked it.

Now everybody has disposable vapes, and you have found some kind of in-between where it's a disposable vape, but still also like a fucking MP3 player.

You have two of them.

Yeah, because that one is dead.

Oh, all right.

Well, what is that?

Well, you recharge them.

You recharge them, but everybody has rechargeable vapes.

I've never seen one with like

a geek bar.

Yeah, I'm glad you guys.

It's called Geek Bar.

It gives a display.

Is that like, oh, a genius bar, I guess it's Apple.

The Geek Squad is in the bag.

And does it tell you what, like, it's like a mood ring?

What information do you have?

There's a Tomographic.

Blood pressure.

It tells me my brain data.

Yeah.

Your T cell count is 185.

My cells are looking at it.

Keep waving.

You know, if I have to take my Bictarvi or not, let's see what I'm saying.

Which Bictarvi?

Is that an Iranian medicine?

No, that's an Iranian.

You never heard of that?

No, it sounds like a Persian.

It sounds like nightclub medicine.

It's some fucking.

I have to take my Bictarvi before I try to get Philip.

No, it's AIDS Prep and the commercial.

It's all these black.

It looks like it's the name of the guy that has AIDS on the commercial.

Like a whatever Patient Zero of AIDS, the airline steward McTarvey that spent it around.

Oh, yeah, I forgot that story.

That guy with the sunglasses.

Yeah, he's not.

Have you ever seen, have you know that story, the AIDS Patient Zero story?

It was like a gay flight attendant.

The flight had pictures of him.

And all the pictures I've ever seen of them, they make him look like the jackal.

Like, you know,

like he was like, there's kind of buttons out there.

Oh, yeah, you're fine.

You're good.

Yeah, you can lean us.

You can't get $4,000 chairs.

I would like.

Oh, I'd like.

You

a courthouse in Alabama.

Really?

Yeah.

So just think about the guy sitting in here giving the death penalty to radio.

That's what I was thinking of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sentencing radio to death.

Radio Gooding Jr.

Yeah.

I mean, I understand the boy is simple, but he is Africa.

You got to split the difference there.

Maybe we can kill him with candy.

Maybe that's the Christian answer to kill this.

that was one of my old when i was first got here jokes that i remember i had to drop to do comedy central was because they were talking about executing people who are mentally retarded and i was like i think it's okay as long as it's done in a retarded way and you shoot them out of a cannon or yeah yeah yeah

and uh now that words made a big comeback so yeah

i mean you could say it it's crazy because it's like you know i mean texas does that all the time it was funny because i remember as a kid you learn about that and i i don't think i ever had a joke but when I was in New Comic, it was like, oh, you gotta write about this, dude.

There wouldn't be anything funnier than the idea of executing a mentally disabled man.

That's basically a perfect guy saving his pie for after the execution.

Right, yeah, yeah.

That's what Clinton did, that guy, Ricky Ray Rector, that had blown, he had shot himself, so he made himself like, like, eight.

He was like a shitty criminal, like, he was a piece of shit, but then he didn't know where the fuck he was.

Yeah.

And Bill Clinton to be tough on crime, you know, before he was getting elected.

He came In Arkansas, you mean?

Yeah, and the guy, he had camp pie, and they go, do you want it?

And he goes, no, just save it for after.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, man.

I mean, it's, in fairness, one of the, probably the nicest things Bill Clinton's ever done for anyone.

If you stack it up.

I think the saxophone was pretty nice for American school.

No, it's a crime.

Why?

I didn't have anything back then.

Well, I was just saying, when I was, up until I was probably 25, when you hear about the state executing mentally disabled people, I was imagining like

you know, like a sweet, you know, like they

like right, like you know, like what you know to be a mentally disabled person.

Take a pet to the vet and you have that carry-all with the happy cats on the bottom.

These are like criminally disabled people.

It's a different kind of like Batman, the home for the criminally disabled, the Batman flights, yeah, yeah, yeah, Arkham.

It's basically Arkham.

They're all basically think they're clowns and stuff.

It's very strange to go in the the...

So did you guys

see Alabama?

This might comedian Alabama.

Yeah, no, Alabama, I guess, you know, they can't get the execution drugs anymore.

So they've been having to concoct new

bathtub?

They use nitrogen,

which I think they like.

Like

carbon.

Nitrous oxide.

What is that?

It sounds like they're giving him the benz.

Yeah, I treat a guy with a, and it apparently didn't go well.

that sounds, yeah, it is the Benz.

That's what happens.

You get nitrogen bubbles in your blood, but that's from like a depressurization.

Because you're, I would imagine, because the atmosphere is like something like fucking 70% nitrogen to begin with.

Isn't that mostly nitrogen?

Yeah, so they, well, what I read, I was like, this, is this, like, is this the Benz?

Are you carbonating these people?

Yeah, right.

And so the guy, it's just like, we just want to do this and choose the execution no matter what.

And

damn it, there's got to be a way.

Yeah.

A firing squad seems to be the most humane.

And Utah is the only one where you can do it.

The rejection fucks up all the time.

Yeah, right.

And well, it's because they can't get the drugs.

And then also because of the Hippocratic Oath, doctors aren't like the ones administering it.

It's like other diseases.

China shoots you in the back.

Like, how about having the humanity of China just shoot a guy in the head?

Right, yeah.

But they don't, I think, because isn't the firing squad like they put one guy has a blank so nobody's one guy has a blank but you have when you have like fucking like like 15 you know like 30 odd whatever you know carts or

i i i am terrified of using the wrong bullet words because then you get the fucking gun guys that are like whoa that's not a magazine whatever the fuck you know charlie from fucking uh

streamer the guy that we fought got into thing with sneeko and he was like this is a clip this is a mag who's sneeko what

you know that fucking

the guy that fought uh

he's Sneeko?

Dude, it's hot.

Luz Jay Sneeko.

Louis J.

Sneeco.

Puerto Rican rattlesneko.

Yes, and he fought, who's that guy, Sean Fitzgerald, the UFC guy?

I don't know.

This is what I'm saying.

Sugar Sean?

Oh, no, that's a.

He's a big tall, white guy.

Scott Fitzgerald fought Louis J.

Gomez.

It's the most embarrassing thing, and I think this kid got brain damage.

Oh, from sparring?

The guy's just standing there, all right, all right.

And he goes, boo.

Also, Pete, is that picking up?

There's now, there's a new noise in here.

We had fucking, when we moved into this place, it was like, great.

We sound treated it, no problems.

And now there's a machine shop next door and now there's all day long it sounds like a cat finding a place to shit

like this scratching noise that keeps coming I don't know if it pete can you hear that

okay all right all right never mind yeah forget it I mean you can't sound proof though I just kind of it's as soundproofed as it gets we are in an office building Adam what are these called in cloud panels your friend gave us yeah yeah yeah so we have acoustic treatment and then we have drapes and we have carpet and then there's more acoustic treatment back facing the air conditioning units in the alley behind.

Oh my god, last night I went to the cellar.

So I hadn't seen Mike Chain in a long time.

He was there.

I guess.

Does Rosebud and all them write on SNL?

Yeah, Rosebud does.

So it must have been SNL.

And there was another dude I can't remember his name, but

Keenan Thompson.

Yeah.

No, it wasn't Keenan.

I don't know.

It was just like the writers.

And like, so, dude,

I think I opened up, like, oh, hey, I started talking about my favorite, the P.

Diddy.

Right, yeah, it's great stuff.

Okay.

And Alex, the dude, Alex.

Speaking of, radio just got added to the case.

Did you see that?

Cuba Gooding Jr.

Oh, I knew that was.

He's in the documents.

Dude, I've been blathering about him.

We got him.

P.

Diddy.

Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.

We got him.

I've been blathering about the P.

Diddy thing for like two years.

I feel like this thing is kind of like, it's like, remember when the Catholic Church stuff broke?

And it's because the Catholic Church, you're not allowed to be gay.

And the same thing with the black community.

Like, if you could just be a gay black guy, I mean, you can kind of be.

You can now.

I mean, you really, but you got to to be fucking like

amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat RuPaul Drag Race style.

You can't just be like a regular.

There's no Tim Dylan.

It was like that.

You know what I mean?

Like the car dynamic.

No, you're right.

They got to keep.

If you're a Tim Dylan gay, you got to keep it secret.

Exactly.

Like Tim did back when he was young.

That's the same thing with the Catholic Church.

So now it's like you got all this repression, and that's what causes it.

Yeah, I guess.

That's why Omar was such a fascinating character because they were like, oh, he's both homosexual and the.

Did he improv making out with the dude and Brandon, his boyfriend?

Yeah, I thought that's an improv scene.

They went, whoa, because they really didn't know he was gay until that happened.

Oh, really?

He was just doing gay shit.

He didn't know the cameras were rolling.

He did gay shit.

He goes, oh, we're on?

They go, well, yeah, what are you doing?

And he goes, improv.

Well, wait, so I'm an actor.

So when I'm bringing up that story, you know, and

everybody's like, what?

They all acted like, why would you even...

And they went to the actual, well, he was shit-faced, but they're like, well, I mean, you're talking about black stuff, but that's okay.

I'm like,

you guys aren't all talking about, I guess they're young, so maybe it's like Elvis times to them that P.

Diddy, when P.

D.

was big.

Yeah.

But

don't you run the weekend up?

Like, then you're not going to have no jokes about that?

Right, yeah.

Fucking bizarre, dude.

People, since I got here.

What, there's like a silencing thing happening with it?

It's not, I don't think it's to protect P.

Diddy.

I just think it's a thing of like we just don't know anything and it's on purpose.

You're going to wait for more information.

Again, it's one of of those situations where the less I know the funnier it is

a lot of situations yeah oh no dude the the situation is not so what you were just talking about like they can't just be gay no this is Roy Cohn blackmail gay yeah so compromise well that's what I mean that but Roy Cohn is this is a perfect example because Roy Cohn only was able to do what he was because of like a like a dominant culture of homophobia.

All think about all the bad things that happen.

If you if you just let gay people be gay, then in the 1950s and 60s, the CIA isn't, they have no blackmail.

Think about all the bad shit that happens.

Well, there's always kids.

But

that's the case.

I would have thought that too.

See, that's what I would think exactly.

But there's a ton of people running around.

Remember when

CNN loved getting that dumb shit, Richard Spencer, a very obviously gay man?

Uh-huh.

CNN.

No, that's Richard Simmons.

No, Richard Spencer, the guy, the alt-right guy.

That's Richard Simmons.

No,

not the military guy.

No.

Oh, okay.

I was in a...

I thought you guys were online and shit.

No, not anymore.

Yeah.

No, that stopped maybe six years ago.

So Richard Simmons and Richard Spencer are not the same guy.

No, they hold the same views.

Similar views.

All right.

But there's still all these Roy Cohen, secretly gay people running around, and you're like, see, that's what I would have thought.

Oh, the 50s are over.

Yeah.

It's even more scumbag because, like, I want to like, I don't want to cheat myself out of any possible thing I could get, even though you're allowed to be gay.

Yeah.

If I think I could have some extra c like Asian, extra credit homework advantage in life by not admitting it Yeah, and they all work in government still and everywhere so you would think like even the closet now.

I'm like you're fucking I mean not cuz you're hiding it from a woman you're married to right.

Yeah, it's like you are fucking sinister dude if you got yeah, it's not gay though.

It's it's enjoying being evil I guess it's like having a secret the best quote is Chick Jaguar Wright I remember because in lockdown Why don't you just get a swastika tattooed in between your butt cheeks?

Like face yeah, you know what I mean?

Check it out.

So no one would know.

Yeah.

Well, That would be a secret.

That would be a secret that you could have.

You know what would be cool if you

put the parts like far apart and then you push the button together?

Yes.

Like a fold-in?

A fold-old swastika on my butt cheeks.

What would it be spread out?

It's just like it has to begin with an S and it.

The Chase logo.

I don't know.

Yeah.

The Chase logo is a swastika.

Yeah.

Skittles.

You ever look at it?

It does.

It does kind of look like.

They call it the octane, but it's because, you know, swastika is a...

not just a, you know, it's a brand in decline, sure, but it's a very ancient popular symbol.

Yeah.

And we don't want to not use it, so they,

if you look up what it's supposed to be,

it's supposed to be, yeah, nothing originally.

The guy that created the chase, because it was when Chase merged with Manhattan Bank, they switched to that logo in the 1960s.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that part of it.

Yeah, it might have been originally the Manhattan Bank logo, but I think it wasn't until Chase merged with Manhattan Bank that they.

Well, everybody likes a nice Swazi, but you got to do it right like Chase, where people don't really notice it.

Yeah.

And then it's nobody thinks about, you know, like Chase helping

Haiti pay reparations for the Walmart

with a swastika on their bank.

The Walmart logo kinda looks like an anus.

It was an asshole.

I mean, everything's a dick or pussy.

That's true.

Yeah, especially in the world of logos.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's it's subliminal, you know.

But what do people like?

Swastikas.

Well, besides that.

It's a great logo.

No, but that's the thing.

They did a hell of a job on that.

I say get Dyla Mulvaney on this one.

Revitalize the rant.

Let's get her on a can of swastika.

Let's just put it, yeah.

That'd be awesome if she got a Charles Manson swastika on her head.

What's going on with Dylan Mulvaney now?

That's got a sword.

You just get one free beer and then the entire

Chris Kid Rock joined Hamas over it at first.

Yeah, right.

America's butter dick.

Every time I say butter dick, people get weird too.

But I think it's a great term, a butter dick.

What does it mean?

Oh, butterface.

Butter dick.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, a butter dick?

Yeah.

But a butter dick is a guy with a gorgeous body, but a

chick who's beautiful, except for her dick.

Her dick's too small.

Okay, of course.

Of course.

Yeah, I hate it when that happens.

Oh, my God.

I love supporting trans women, like, over like, you know,

shittier, original, you know, version

regular women.

Women 1.0.

Because you know why?

Because it's because the fellas can do it best.

What's bitch 3.0 look like?

Is it C3PO with tits?

Yeah, I think so.

A computer being a girl.

Because remember,

you know it'd be funny if we let

a breed of dog become women.

You know what I mean?

So like regular women.

Women have to race against them.

Women are losing that.

Yeah.

A greyhound.

They're like, just compete, bitch.

Yeah, right.

I love it.

It's the same.

Women are losing jobs to a Bijan Freeze.

As they should.

As they should.

I've said on Ryan's thing, I love that,

you know, intersectional,

trans women, Ryan Long.

You know, because trans women destroyed intersectional feminism, and that's why I love them the most.

And,

you know, now I'm upset.

I'm like, listen, whores, I'd be mad too if I had two fucking assholes.

You know, and one was in the front and it shits blood.

Oh, yeah.

And there's two.

There's better, easier to clean women out there.

Have you ever heard of a recto vaginal fistula?

Where it becomes one hole?

It becomes one hole.

I heard of one hole, as a matter of fact.

And that's a problem some people have is they keep shitting into their pussy.

You got to dilate.

You got to dilate.

Yeah, well, I think it's like you get the wall is perforated, and then it becomes like a piercing, and then it just gets gauged.

Do you know that's still cleaner than a regular woman's disgusting vagina?

Really?

I'm sorry to bring up science on here.

No, no, that's fine.

This is a process of center left.

But

a woman plus that has that issue, that's probably much cleaner and more disease-free than a, you know, a,

I don't like to say biological woman, right?

But a, what do you call a less good creature?

Yeah, just an inferior

person.

A bonus hole.

That is dirtier than a feces

filler.

When I found out that women have to check the pH balance of their vaginas,

like you would a public pool.

Yeah,

they need a pool guy.

Hopefully a segregation.

Yeah,

who's been peeing in this thing?

Hopefully a pool from the 1950s, if you know what I mean.

There's so much equipment I don't even know about.

The one hole, the new hole.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

I'm trad now, too.

We should figure out a way to move women's nasal cavity down there also, so it's mucus, blood, and then feces.

We should figure out a way to make him into the f the original depiction of Deadpool where he had no mouth.

Yeah.

I don't I don't know anything about Deadpool.

You don't really know anything.

You know so much more than us, Correct.

I don't know.

Sneeko, Deadpool.

Let me tell you maybe the three things.

You Generation Z bastards.

You're talking circles around us.

Are you still online much?

He knows about

it.

I take a shit like everyone else, don't I?

I think we became friends online before real life, and it was through Facebook.

No, I made...

Okay, no.

No, I featured for you.

But

you didn't remember that.

Then we became friends.

Can I tell this story?

Because it may be a little bit more.

Yeah, what's your first memory of Nick?

I'd love to hear it.

I featured for him, and I had a sore the size of a dime on my

let me describe it.

Okay, so that's because

we were hanging out.

So it was funny and shit.

We were hanging out in Austin.

But you didn't remember that because when we became friends in New York, I did not.

I didn't realize Nicole.

Yeah.

So,

you know, hey, I got lots of features, I bet.

Sure, sure.

I was assigned by the club because I had a car.

That's the reason I could feature it.

Yeah, that's why he featured.

Yeah, Austin featured it.

We were like drinking some bar.

He was making me fucking die because we just stand in the corner and

he's making fun of the people in the bar, right?

It's funny as shit.

And then we go to get food, and he goes, yeah, so

he goes, yeah, so I think I might have like syphilis, so I'm just going to not get it tested.

It's not that I wasn't going to get tested.

Here's the problem.

I didn't have a doctor.

And so I had to go right after that weekend.

I had to do a weekend in Skyline.

So I had this fucking sore that kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

What did it end up being?

I think it was like folliculitis or something.

Folliculitis.

I had that.

Yeah, something like that.

Ingrown.

Ingrown hair that basically got like really bad.

It's staph infection gets in your jacket.

Yeah, and so I had to go to, like, it kept getting worse and worse.

And then that weekend, I'm like, I don't know what to do.

And it might have been, I had to go to do Skyline the weekend after.

And so I went to a Planned Parenthood because it's like, that's where you go if you have something wrong with you.

If you're a girl, or if you're a man, they tell you to fuck off.

So I sat there in the waiting room, and I'm like, really really worried about like what this thing is going on i fill out this form the lady behind like the the like like bulletproof glass they have there for whatever reason this she's like i'm across the room and she goes nick and i was like yeah she's like okay so you got symptoms you're supposed to

scream

in the lobby yeah and i'm like

yeah

and then she goes well you're gonna have to go see a doctor then because we can't if you got symptoms then we can't do nothing for you and i'm like you're gonna have to make an appointment to see like an actual doctor well you can't imagine if that happened now they would

they would make your penis into a vagina and then well then i so then i stop this and i go up i'm like okay because you have to you can just go in and get tested but if you have symptoms that a like a physician at the planned parenthood needs to see i guess then you would have to make an appointment so i'm like well i gotta fly out of town on thursday and they were like uh well we don't have an appointment till friday or monday at the earliest so i had to go to skyline and i did the weekend at skyline and this whole thing's getting worse and worse worse the entire time.

I asked my mom what to do.

She told me to put oil of oregano on it.

So I'm like sitting in the bathroom, like I'm just putting like pizza toppings on this fucking moon

crying because it's excruciating.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like that.

And then I probably just like bombed all weekend that I couldn't get a free current?

Yeah, and I couldn't get a flight back.

The cheapest flight back was like on the Tuesday.

So I had to stay in the comedy condo.

Like the guy that owns the place, I forget his name.

He let me stay in the comedy condo.

That was Miller's brother, I think, owned it.

No, no, no, no.

That was who owned Cap City.

I'm talking Skyline.

Skyline in Appleton, Wisconsin.

Oh, God, to be in Wisconsin.

Yeah.

And then, yeah, two days in that room crying, putting oil of oregano on this wound, just watching Iron Giant in bed.

This is before I met you or after?

That was that weekend.

Yeah.

Because it was a weekend.

Yeah, I featured for you, and then the weekend after that was when I went to Skyline.

But then eventually it went away, and then I, you know, I got tested after that, and there's no syphilis or anything.

But yeah, I had another doctor say, like, yeah, oh, do you have like

basically the problem is is I don't clean myself.

So I was like, yeah.

No, you were more.

I got a mask now.

It was like,

yeah, it was like how like a like a dog gets hot spots.

I kept chewing on my penis in the same area.

So when he's telling me this thing, I have several, and he's, and I was like, and I, you know, I don't know how much older I am, but I was like, yeah, dude, just trust me, get the test.

Because I went through that whole thing of like, I can't.

I remember my, like a while ago, my ex was like, oh, I know I have eight.

By the way, you don't have it.

And I went, I went, I asked my ex to go with me, one of my exes, and to like, because I was that freaked out.

And she, meanwhile, knows she doesn't have fucking AIDS, so it was not a good idea because she's all cheerful in the elevator at the clinic.

And

she was fucking singing Madonna songs in the elevator as we're going up to the AIDS.

She's just like a virgin.

No, she was all.

But I was just like, it's not, there's like other people.

I'm like, dude, you know, some of these people probably got AIDS to these songs you're singing.

Yeah, right.

So it's not

very tasteful.

It's kind of the soundtrack.

Do you ever think about that?

Remember the Paul's nightclub shooting?

That guy probably saved somebody from getting AIDS that night.

Granted, they're dead because he shot them.

But

if you think about it, you know, somebody could have been on their way to just a brutal.

You know what that Paul's nightclub shooting was?

It turns out it wasn't some gay fucking thing.

It was somebody mad about Syria.

And he was going to go on

back and forth.

No, no, he was like an argument with the gay community.

They said he used to go there.

No, you, you.

It's like,

Matthew Shepard.

Remember Matthew Shepherd?

Not gay.

Drug dealer.

Okay, so the guy that killed him used to fuck him.

Really?

There's a whole book about it, and

I remember telling people, friends that were gay here at the time when it came out, and they were like, no, because he became like a Jesus.

But basically, before Breaking Bad made meth cool, Wyoming had a big fucking meth problem.

So that guy...

you know,

I never did meth, but apparently they, you know, they just fuck like whatever when you're on meth.

And it was over like like stealing money and drugs from Matthew Shepherd.

Yeah, that was

and not because he was gay because that guy used to fuck him.

Yeah, and Wyoming didn't want that getting around about you know now they've just again people are

in the wrong time a few years later breaking bad comes up

tourism's up blue meth.

Yeah,

breaking bad or

you meant broke back mountain Well, that was out broke back

no maybe it wasn't it wasn't out yeah that came out in the early 2000s I think right broke back broking bad I say combine them Matthew Shepard I could be confused because I confused Matthew Shepherd.

The guy they found on the fence and then my favorite

Laramie project where Brandon Tina from Boys.

No, that's way.

That's that was early.

That was 93 or 94.

Yeah, that was like that old joke about like, I'm eating all this buttery coin.

Like, you turn off the lights.

You know what I think the problem was?

Is like, and now, like, you know, the community is different, but if you're trans and your name is Tina Brandon, don't change it to Brandon Tina.

That seems like it's like you're asking for trouble there.

Why?

Well, don't just switch the two.

But didn't nobody know that like it wasn't.

Change your name

to John Carlisle.

You know?

Yeah, right.

Instead of like, oh, well, there's still, you know what I mean?

I feel like I'm not sneakier about it.

Well, not even sneakier.

You can choose any name.

You can choose any name you want.

Dolph Lundgren can be your new name.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It kind of always felt to me like a self-pun.

Dolph is short for Adolph, right?

I guess you want to go by Dolph.

Yeah, he's bringing it back.

He's bringing it back.

Not a lot of

just a way to soften the blow.

You would call that a hard A, I guess.

You're going by Adolph instead of Dolph.

That's what everyone's always wondered: what is a hard A?

Yeah, in the community, they say Dolph.

It's legal.

Adolph, is that you?

It's a telephone.

Brother, Dolph.

I forgot what he was talking about.

Oh, his syphilis.

So,

when you thought you had AIDS.

You thought you had AIDS and you were taking AIDS.

And then, yeah, so then

I had signed on a little bit.

It's a flashback.

I made this joke off of it.

It is very funny to take an elevator to find out you have AIDS.

What it is about.

Looking back now, it is.

At the time, I don't know if it's Willy Wonka operating the.

Yeah, like, you know, again, I was scared out of my fucking mind because I merely had normal sex the way God intended.

And I get up and it was the quick, it wasn't the ruin your weekend text.

It was the swap.

I was not fucking Carlos the Jackal in the back of it.

I mean, come on.

I didn't do nothing wrong.

Yeah.

So we get up there, and I'm waiting for my test.

And then at the end, and this is how long ago it was, like, with your test results, they give you a free $4 Metro card.

That's awesome.

And so I joke is like, if you don't have AIDS, it's pretty awesome.

Yeah, you get a free Metro card all the time.

Yeah.

You're like, this day is getting better and better.

That was too late.

They got to draw blood, right?

No, swab.

The blood test takes a couple days.

Definitely if you got AIDS from sucking dick is the mouth swab works.

I didn't get a mouth test.

I just figured keep the bottom clean and the mouth from whatever.

Oh, okay.

Anyway, he told me a civil, and I was, I remember like years going by after he's where he's telling me he's, you know,

I'm just gonna get checked.

I was like, what a bad dude if he got checked.

I hope he did.

I just remember that.

And then I started reading these Nicole Mullen articles.

So around whenever...

Whenever the social justice, remember that word?

Social justice movement was starting,

I would see these people who were furious at this woman, Nicole Mullen, for being so ignorant.

The internet used to be a better place.

It used to be kind of difficult to get people riled up, and now that's the default.

And that's why I'm not online anymore.

It's just not fun.

You don't understand the walls.

People used to be so naive.

They would walk on.

The Berlin wall is falling right now.

And it's really only because on X you can do whatever the fuck you want to within, you know.

Actually, I got a guy on Letterbox recently.

I have a review for Barbie that said something about, like, you know, instead of making a billion dollars, we could have s used this money to send Barbies to Africa.

What color Barbie is?

I don't know.

But some guy

was like, oh yeah, that's what they need.

Not food, you fucking moron.

And I'm like, it's like

it's like the old internet.

That's because

I'm not with these Elon Musk guys, but that's.

I'm on there talking shit to whoever I want

with like the old days.

Yeah, people people have rediscovered I did an album of prank calls about oh they were great the old man the old man yeah and I want to get back into that I feel like there's a whole new world because Gen Z doesn't know anything about the phone they don't know what a phone there's not a single gen z prank yeah right but they they got jobs where they got to answer phones and guess who's got fingers and can dial

so yeah it's all all like I'm about to call some 23 year olds and get and make them have a really rough day at work

that's yeah that's

It's time they learned.

One.

I've got a bucket of diarrhea I'm trying to mail off.

Do I need to put a top on it or can you do that there?

I just like telling.

I'm burning it down.

You can't stop me.

I like telling you on the way.

You breaking me?

It's for a DNA test.

It's to find out if I'm Irish.

I like telling 23-year-olds in the audience that

we're bringing back the draft.

It was like I always ask, who's like young?

And you're like, because we're bringing back the draft.

So you're not gonna gay your way out uh-huh you're clearing a way out of this one you're gay that was millennials though now gen z what does the gen z army look like

well we gotta hope we have enough mass migration to cover these fat queers because they are not gonna

win a land war against hoofies and shit i don't see it but uh they're gonna go anyway yeah and then you know we'll pay for your tits or whatever you want Okay, we'll pay for a drill of vaginal.

I still think that's millennial stuff.

I think Gen Z is now post all of that.

I think they're all just, it's kind of, they're all just sort of a weird, weird Al Yankovic type of wigger.

They're alone.

Specific to their generation.

That's a sexuality, Weird Al Yankovic.

Yeah, and I think so.

I think that's what it is.

And they say Riz and K.

And I don't know what either of these are.

Like cousin, I think.

I think.

Okay.

All right.

What?

K.

K.

They say Ka.

No.

They do.

Well, because, you know,

they do wigger they say wigger words, but that makes me happy.

That makes me happy.

They're like, how's it going, Ka?

This guy's rizzed up.

And you're like, well, that I know that.

Yeah.

Charisma.

Yeah.

And I know, you know,

I like how black kids have gotten around.

Remember, so the Don't Say Gay bill that they talked about in Florida.

Do you remember years before that there were commercials, Don't Say Gay, with like Wanda Sykes to stop calling things gay you don't like?

That used to be the thing like don't say gay.

Well, what they say is zesty.

So I would be watching all kinds of.

Wanda Sykes did a don't say say gay commercial.

But way before Ronda, you know, like, who is that?

What, like, what starting quarterback in a high school is like, oh, now Wanda Sykes isn't going to think I'm cool?

Oh, I just Wanda Sykes.

I doubt any of them saw it, but there were these commercials on TV that were like, somebody goes, hey, man, that's gay.

And then she's like, don't say gay.

And then years later, it's like some bill because, you know,

the hell did you just say?

They're like can we have this butt plug book in the library like your kids can't read what don't worry any of you

your kids they can't figure out instead of children's book good night butt plug they're hilarious at children's books the whole thing's great because

yeah like they okay the books are like gay pornography or whatever and then but who cares because none of the kids will ever see them

who the fuck a libraries for homeless to jerk off in probably even in a school at this point yeah um

just watching

they have they have things now at least in the city.

They have those link NYs.

They got rid of all the phones and created like

homeless guy.

Like home depositors.

Those things that they got rid of the phone booths with.

I feel like, you know, there's a huge market.

I mean, anything could be a

huge market for.

If I ran this, if I was both the mayor and also a businessman, I would have machines all around the city in high-traffic, homeless areas that display pornography and also have a thing that sucks your dick.

And you put, they can fuck it.

A PS6?

Yeah, PlayStation 6.

A PlayStation 6.

And then after that, there's no use for women.

Yeah, right.

Which is ironic because all those articles, do we need men?

Hey, bitch, no,

I got paid.

You save up all the cum and then you just sell it.

And then, because it's like, first of all, I think the whole idea is like there's this whole world of selling cum.

And it's like, you gotta be to get to sell your cum to the companies.

They're like, oh, you gotta be 6ix3 and a college student.

Not vaccinated.

My cum's worthless.

Because you got vaccinated.

Dude, if you, hey, anybody out there that's selling sperm, guess what?

All these well-to-do

would get vaccinated bitches that froze their eggs.

They don't want vaccinations.

I didn't get vaccinated.

They don't.

But I was intravenously injecting cum throughout the pandemic.

Oh, I think you're fine.

I think you're fine.

That might be fine.

But

there's no way to check, right?

Like, imagine you buy cum and you put it, you

put in your wife.

Yeah.

And then three months later, she has a kid.

It's not like you're going to have a homeless baby.

It'll take like fucking 23 years before the bipolar disorder manifests.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, and well, what are they going to do?

Ask for a refund?

Right.

You know, like you said, wait, so you're saying that like you stay, it's zero, it's no overhead.

They have to get the kind for free from homeless people, and then you sell it to men or women with husbands that are shooting birds.

Okay, I've saved this because it's so funny.

It was a thing about it's Gail King reporting.

I want to see if I can find it.

but there's a short let me ask you this when lesbian couples decide to have a kid do they both get injected with come and then like it's like let the best man win sort of thing

uh oh I hadn't even considered that one no one of them's the fucking that's a I think that's the the way to do what you just said but that's not how they you know they don't do it that way

I don't know that I don't know anything I think that they

I don't even know who Sneeko is I think that lesbians have a knife fight and the loser has to be in separate fine wool one of those like Arab swords with the curves.

Yeah, lesbians do like a yeah, like a

tune.

To this day, I mean, remember Canna Gadsby?

Of course, I'm sure you know that at least.

I can't forget.

She's talking about how she was hitting on a woman and then the woman's boyfriend came up and said, well, I guess I can beat you up then because you look like a dude.

Remember her amazing.

Very funny.

And I was like, you know, that guy, you're hitting on his girlfriend, okay, to try to take her home and do God knows what with her.

Right.

Nope, I still don't know what in the hell.

There's nothing.

And do God knows what.

And

you're dressed like, you know, you shop at a store in the wall called the Patriarchy.

So maybe you brought it on yourself, bitch.

Right.

That's the kind of shit I say on X now.

Yeah.

Thank you, Elon Musk.

Hannah Gatsby always felt like a missing clue character to me.

Right.

Because her face looks like, did I do it?

Yeah, it's like

Loretta Lavender.

Dude, when you were doing her right, it was like alt-right-handed gas.

He's like, I was talking to Radio Gene.

Oh, fuck, I can't find this Gail King.

It's a concerned Gail King, and it's women of color that want to, you know, that got their eggs frozen like a white lady.

They can't, they're having a hard time finding black eye sperm, so they can't have a...

That's what I do.

This is my business.

Wait, wait, so they can't find a a baby who looks like them which like if it was wasn't black eye sperm the baby still looks like you bitch it i mean a little lighter than you yeah but the reason is and i don't know my girlfriend pointed out she says oh because all these black guys are felonies and they won't take their sperm

that's why yeah and uh so it just the articles is a well-to-do like oh i want to you know create a child in the most vile unnatural Nazi-esque way possible in a lab.

You know what would be a fun business is you say fuck that right?

So you go into the prisons, you say, okay, these guys will pay them because there's a market for it, right?

We'll pay them for their sperm, right?

These black guys in prison.

How much does it cost?

And we'll pay them for their sperm, right?

But then instead of selling it to women, you sell it to white guys accused of sexual assault.

And then you can plant the evidence and then put it on somebody else.

Friswald, that's a great idea.

That's a great idea.

Cut this point out of the show because don't spoil it.

Don't let anybody take that.

This is like when I came up with a computer currency to purchase child pornography with in 2008.

A year later?

Yeah.

And a year later, I got arrested for buying

child pornography with cash.

Oh, I thought you were like, and later it was called Bitcoin.

I never put it together.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess they did.

The idea did come out.

And that's how Dogecoin was born.

Yeah.

Do you know you got a lot of crypto?

Me?

Yeah.

How are you guys doing with crypto?

Let's just say.

I'm not going to do it.

Let's

no.

Let's just say

I had a little problem day trading and I took a fucking big bath years ago and now I've got to do it.

Well, I

have

just got in.

I put all of everything I had into, it's amazing.

It's a crypto.

It's like a phone call.

Now's the time to do it, too.

Top, top, it's an NFT.

Look at the chart.

It's never been more expensive.

Not only is it NFT, it's like you hatch these animals.

It's a Logan Paul.

Tamagotchi.

Like Tamagotchi.

Logan Paul Tomagot.

Now, do you know who Logan Paul?

I know you guys don't know who people are, but Logan Paul Tom.

Yeah, Sneeko's friend.

I don't think they're friends.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I don't want to.

Sneeko's enemy.

I wouldn't comment on that.

I steer clear of it like it's Israel-Palestine's talk.

How about this?

Here's a challenge to Logan Paul.

I know he fights people, or is that, what's his name?

He does, yeah, he does like WWE and fighting.

okay uh it's a challenge for me on the adam freelan show pistols at dawn yeah gun fight yeah no i mean it that should come back if you can if look because obviously i'm not going to be able to beat your ass but i can point a gun at you and pull the trigger um

yeah like we do it by a tree like barry lyndon i don't get why any of these people fucking um think i give a shit if they can box like an influencer i don't understand like it There'll be like a battle of the whatevers and it's like people that don't fight for a living going to fight.

Yeah.

It's like dancing with the stars, I guess.

It's a big business these days.

It's very it would be more it would be more entertaining if it wasn't the influencers that are jacked who take karate classes.

Like if it was oh it's fat ones and shit.

I know.

I mean if it was Adam and Ethan Klein just like it's been people like that.

It's just their fights are bad.

Oh, okay.

The fights are bad, I guess.

I don't watch it.

I'm not saying that.

I'll just say this right now.

I will fight any female influencer out there.

Yeah.

Call her daddy.

I will see you see you in the ring, the octagon.

I mean you like look at it.

Talk about weight class.

You should go I'm a woman you're a woman.

Let's fucking woman a woman just

as a man I will fight any wolf.

I would do a different kind of thing.

Like if we could create some kind of pyramid right with steps like a like one of the South American pyramids Egyptian smooth one

and I'm at the top and every Asian influencer has to try and remove me from the top.

But I can I have an advantage because I'm already I start at the top so I can kick them in the face once they like cl kind of climb up

and it's yeah, it's basically it's a king of the hill situation.

Yeah, right.

South Korea, I don't know if you know, it's just North Korea with lights.

Oh, is it?

Yeah.

Yeah, like if you're Wi-Fi connected and Wi-Fi, very fast Wi-Fi.

It's a better spot.

And Rick's a change of color pink.

And they make them.

You have to get a job at Samsung or you're nothing there.

Like everybody has to worship Samsung.

Yeah.

Or pop star.

Yeah, if you're in a boy band in North Korea, that's like being in a, in South Korea, that's like being in a North Korean prison camp.

You're starving.

Oh, my God.

You're owned by guards hitting you.

Yeah.

Pretty much.

There's like a corporation that owns you.

You mess up, you get eaten by pigs.

Yeah.

All the above.

But like a Korean version of Tim Dylan.

That's what I mean.

Yeah, yeah.

You just get

devastated by it.

He's like woozed.

By pigs?

Right, yeah.

What's woozy?

From Deadwood.

From Deadwood.

Anytime they'd kill someone, they'd feed them from the Chinese guy's pigs.

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't watch Deadwood.

I didn't know there was Deadwood's great.

You'd love it.

There's a character whose name is the N-word.

Jay used to love it.

Now I know why.

Big Jay was like, he's good, but he's like, yeah, I can really understand the script.

There's a guy with the N-word is his name.

Yeah, because I don't know who he was.

That's a character I've heard.

This evening perambulations.

I've only consumed that in Huckleberry Finn.

Yeah.

It is a very interesting idea for a show.

It's unique in any piece of media is that they just created a fictional way of talking that didn't exist

for that show.

That's not how people talk back then.

No, not even close.

No, it was not period acting.

Yeah, no, they made it up.

The whole dialect of the show is all made up, like similar to Avatar.

Yeah.

Hold on.

I don't know if you know, but there's a guy who's half gay, half clown named Ian.

Oh, Ian.

Texting me?

Yeah.

Ian's banned from the Adam Friedland show.

Yeah.

Why?

Lifetime banned.

We're just tired of him.

Yeah, it's over.

Well, I really like the guy, but you know, I.

Well, Well, that's you, and it's not us.

Yeah, he goes.

Dude, this has made me laugh my ass over it.

So I was at

when we did Rogan this week, so I'm at the Mothership, and Attel was there, and Ian was opening up for him.

And so we're in the green room.

I tell you this, I'd love to go down to Austin Open Club called the Fathership.

And just to see the look on the people

realize how bad they fucked up.

Do you know?

Now you got the gay club.

Nick, because me and Donegan are doing pussies live at Mothership.

Shit.

That's one of the bids.

Oh, really?

You know, because we're against Job Hogan and his.

So he goes.

Job Hogan would be a cool name for a Texas guy.

He should have changed his name to that.

Maybe he will after the show.

Just a biblical fucking pig hunter.

So he goes, he's telling me, he goes.

He goes,

he goes, he's telling me all about how he was doing poppers

one time, which I've never tried, and he had like a butt plug in his ass.

And I guess it...

For safety?

Uh me maybe, but he did like a bunch of them

and uh he said like the thing just fell out of his ass, you know,'cause it it loosens your ass.

And then he goes he goes, Wait, he goes, Poppers he goes, you know, they fuck you up like really he was talking about this night of pop.

So I'm rolling a joint while he's talking.

Uh-huh.

He's doing on about poppers and whatever.

I'm like, hey, you want to hit this?

He goes, No, I don't touch that

Oh, you're sober.

I'm sorry

Yeah, yeah.

I was sorry, we see here you go.

Here's a prank call.

You call call up a a shop as an old man.

You say, like, I've been uh diagnosed with incontinence, and

I was told that I need to purchase some sort of uh anal plug

to prevent, you know, so it's an old man, and then ask, you know, and then you kind of go from there.

Yeah, you you want more of a maxi pad than than a plug.

It's not a tampon situation.

No, you have to call a sex store.

He wants a door.

He's calling around calling.

Oh, he has to ask about the insulation.

You call CVS.

You call CVS as an old man and saying, I've been diagnosed with incontinence and I need an anal plug.

I have a prescription for a plug.

Do you feel plug prescriptions?

Sir, a prescription?

I'm looking at some online, this one here.

No, it's a special one that

I was told you could.

These men all look much younger than me.

I hope they're okay.

They're too young to be diagnosed with such an affliction

to need a nine-inch diameter butt plug.

Dude, the gym that I go to, but

I live in West Hollywood, you know, but in my life, actually.

not a member, but I'm not hanging out there.

Yeah, no,

there's like 20 jokes before, but

like, don't ruin the vibe.

No, there's many of them.

I don't really believe it.

Let's hear it.

So, you know, because there's always like TikTok girls, there was an epidemic.

I think it's died down now of they would go to a gym and this guy's looking at me.

But that's not a problem in my gym because it is, you know, a West Hollywood gym full of dudes.

It's all looks.

Yeah, and I go in and there's two urinals, right?

And one's like one of those low ones, like for kids, I guess, but it's just low.

So I use that one.

I thought that was if your dick was really big.

That's what I always assume.

Yeah, well,

funny.

So I'm staying there, and like, you know how sometimes it's like hard to pee if like a bunch of guys are around you just

sometimes sometimes I come also.

There's all these guys around me just jerking off and like, oh, I'm just looking up trying to pee.

And

when I look down, I realize I'm peeing.

Not in the thing.

I'm peeing on the top of the urinal because I'm that much taller than it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And I wasn't looking at my ears.

You're a big guy.

So peas just going down on the...

I'm like, oh, god damn it.

You know how many times in my life I've just pissed all over my shirt at a urinal?

How many?

How many?

Well, probably like seven.

Ah, you got me beat.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, because especially when I was younger, I'd wear big-ass shirts.

I'd wear like a big, tall tee.

Like a little sweepy from Popeye?

Yeah.

And then

I'd be standing at the urinal.

I'd pull my pants down and not lift my shirt up.

And then I'd be like, oh, wow.

Finally, not splashing all over my legs.

And I look down and I'm just soaking wet.

What's the guy's name from 7th Heaven who tried to be a pedo?

Stephen Collins.

Stephen Collins, real quick, though, we got a today's episode is brought to you by Factor meal delivery.

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Okay, we're almost done.

Oh, we are?

Yeah, we got, yeah, we'll just, we're doing like tw maybe twelve more minutes on this.

Twelve more minutes?

On this bad boy?

Yeah, I had an age.

So what's the problem?

You gotta rush to go do Ian's podcast?

No, no, I no, I just got B, but um

well I might be just like do it next time because it's I got to do be at 530.

I got to be at Gutfeld.

Oh, okay.

So to go to Brooklyn.

You know, people live in Brooklyn.

Yeah.

Like I forgot how annoying it is to just get anywhere here.

Ian's in a weird spot of Williamsburg, too.

He's like surrounded by parking lots.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's on like yeah,

I'll tell you what I don't miss at all is that bullshit of getting around here.

I don't miss

but you lived in the worst place.

Yeah, you lived in Washington Heights.

Well, that's the last place I lived.

I lived on South Fifth.

I lived lived everywhere except Staten Island.

I lived in every part.

Every borough.

Every borough in the world.

South Fifth?

What do you mean?

In Williamsburg.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

That's like Hawsid's zone, no?

No, that was like the.

South Fifth is like near the Hawsids.

Well, yeah, of course.

Yeah.

I mean, everything is.

This is now the New York talk.

Yeah, yeah.

What's the best place?

This is before they had those tunnels you could get out of the.

Yeah.

You know, they have to fuck through a hole in the ground as well as a hole in the sheet.

Really?

Really?

I thought it was a porky situation to get to the mikveh.

It wouldn't be cool if we do the movie Kingpin, you know?

Yeah.

But the bowler is a Hasidic Jew instead of an Amish guy.

And then part of the montage scene where Woody Harrelson is pretending to be Amish to ingratiate himself to the family.

He accidentally takes a dump through a sheet into a woman's pussy.

Yeah.

And he's like, oh, shit, I'm sorry.

I'm writing these documents.

We just forget these ideas.

They're all winners.

It's called Kingpin 2, Accidentally Shitting in a Jewish Lady's Pussy.

Oh, my bad.

I didn't realize that was not the.

Hey, I'm just brother.

What's going on?

Hey, Bolin, we're going to make you champion.

What's going on, Brother Money?

How you doing?

Brother Favish?

Yeah.

I got.

Brother Favish.

You got him.

Dude, I love...

Have you seen Rabbi Shmooli?

Oh, yeah, he's been popping off recently.

Do you see his costume for Purim?

Yeah, Alex uh Alex Jones was gonna have him on after I did it, he would show me the picture.

And th the the the stereotypes he came up with are not ones I've ever heard of.

That your nose is a penis?

Yeah, and that they're yeah.

Yeah, that was really scary.

And a Jewish money shirt.

I've never heard of them having a money shirt.

It would have pennies on it.

Not a shirt made out of dollars.

Yeah.

I've heard that before.

A shirt made out of dollars?

Like why would they wait why would you waste good money on a dollar shirt when you would put it away?

Perhaps bury it under well do you have tunnels by the middle?

If you use less money than a shirt costs, then it's a good deal.

Yeah, well, he fucking helps his daughter run a kosher dildo business.

No, that'd be who to call.

What do you just take regular dildos and pickle them?

It doesn't sound kosher.

I'll tell you that.

You and your daughter sound sexual.

That was pretty good.

That was pretty good.

That was pretty good.

I got a real crisp crunch.

That's a closing dildo.

I like a half-style.

Oh, you want a nice dildo?

I like a half-style.

I like a half-hard.

What is a brine?

I like a half-hard, half-sour.

Just that Vlastic Pelican sticking his beak in a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

pretty good idea.

That's quite a fish fet.

You smell black fish.

Wow, no, that's quite a schmeer.

So, fucking.

Rabbi, because I was always doing this Michael Jackson joke about Rabbi Shmooli wrote a book about hanging out with him at Oprah.

It sounds like an old joke, a Rabbi Oprah and Michael Jackson.

Yeah, yeah.

I always thought his name was funny because it sounds like an anti-Semitic slur.

You're going to have Rabbi Shmooli over here.

But it's just his name.

You got to be in a bad position as a race if

your slurs are just the names you're giving people.

Well,

I mean, also, if you're not a race, you're religion, but sometimes people say you are because either they're racist or you're racist about someone.

It's a very strange thing.

I think they were a race until they came to America and became white.

I think I might not be racist anymore just because I'm bored of it.

We need new races for me to do this.

And James Cameron's doing that work.

It's too popular.

Making new races?

Yeah, basically.

The Navi.

People don't understand how much of a genius he is.

He's making these shitty movies that cost all this money.

And people are like, why is he doing this?

In 50 years, there will be no racism.

People will be like, look at these blue f ⁇ ing.

That'll be it.

People will just hate because Avatar 10 is coming out.

The GDP, the fucking

amount of money that that franchise will make will match.

Do you remember when just before the Titanic tour submarine, because he was on the news because he's like Mr.

Titanic and stuff,

and um, he gave an interview just before that happened about how uh testosterone is poisoned, you know, because he's older, yeah.

And um, it's funny because, like, all his fascination with like submarines of Titanic, that's why he was sad that guy wouldn't hire 50-year-old white guys in military experience to drive the submarine

because, um, who the fuck gives a shit about Titanic or fucking submarines?

Yeah, well, a low-T guy, like that, James Cameron used to make awesome shit.

Yeah, Terminator.

Yeah, he's just, I used to think about pussy and Terminators all day, but now I realize that Teslas blocking out important shit about Titanic and submarines.

Yeah.

But it's to me, that's like the low-T James Cameron we're in now.

Not that he's not a genius though, but he just cares about the only thing I penetrate is the deep, deep ocean.

To look at Titanic.

Mm-hmm.

And not pussy.

Have you seen that?

The ocean is cool.

It's like space, but the opposite.

Yeah, yeah.

It's yeah, it's like it's like thick.

And the deeper you go, the more alien

the fish look like.

They look like bugs and shit.

Yeah, there's some of the, like, there's types of octopus that don't die.

Like, they don't have, like, their cells just replicate perfectly.

Yeah.

Is this an anti-Semitic thing?

Yes.

Yeah.

That's what the tunnels were for, is to get back down the

international octopus that never dies.

The Jews are trying to get down to the Titanic.

Do you think if Hitler had accomplished his goal?

Let's go.

Let's hear that.

The iceberg families behind this?

That they would have kept it, some of them, to keep in zoos.

Like, do you think Nazi Germany would have been like Hitler's goal of what?

Protecting the German people?

Yeah, right.

From

the.

Oh, from,

you know, we don't have to say who, but.

Because they did that.

The British did that with other races.

They would just take like fucking African people and put them in a zoo.

Well, there was that guy there.

They made the first concentration camps in the Boer War in South Africa.

Yes.

So if you look at the picture, it looks like Auschwitz, and it's white and black.

It's really nice.

Yeah.

They're both skinny together.

Those people are freaks.

You've heard that story African Dutch.

Those people are

weird.

Well, I didn't know that.

Afrika's.

Afrikerican.

I didn't know.

So, like, so remember all we've said, we've said that on the show before, but how fucking funny is it for white people to go down to Africa, create a new language that's mostly Dutch and call it African?

Yeah.

Afrikaan.

But this is the African language.

Yeah, it's got two A's.

It's Afrikaner.

But the fucking,

what's his name?

So remember they turned the statues down for BLM, for fun BLM time.

Yeah.

By the way, Tell called me up when I was going on, like late at night.

He goes, did you hear they pulled down the statue of Jefferson and replaced it with Tiffany Haddish?

So

one statue that people wanted to tear down in England was Cecil Rhodes of the Rhodes Scholarship.

And

never took that one down.

But Cecil Rhodes,

that guy, remember when you hear about blood diamonds and De Beers, his whole,

that's him.

De Beers, the family, he just used their name.

He's the architect of all apartheid.

Yes.

Both in South Africa and the other, you know, we have to say who, but you know.

Yeah.

And

that's Cecil Rhodes's fucking dream is that apartheid thing.

He came up with that, and he's a well-known boy fucker.

So it's like that British thing where they go like in South Park, the Adventure Club.

Yeah,

it's a buggery society.

There's scholarships named after him to this day.

You know, Clinton's a Rhodes scholar.

At my dad's university, where he went to college, they took down the Rhodes statue during BLM, at the University of Cape Town.

Right.

In Cape Town, they find it.

But most places, that's amazing.

A pedo.

If you like, look up before, like, you know, ten years ago, before we had to pretend there's no such thing as pedos to protect because the election is coming up.

You don't want to spread conspiracies that people rape children.

Obviously, they don't.

Obviously, there's no such thing as that.

Yeah.

Only adult women are in danger of being groomed.

Why?

And they need to focus on their career.

I hadn't heard of it until until recently.

There's actual people out there that are into for kids.

Yeah, like

you're conspiratorial.

Do you think that they're trying to normalize this behavior?

I would say

the political will does not exist to make this progress.

Yeah, I don't know what everybody's talking about because it seems to me like it's pretty normal since it's constantly going on from every direction.

Right, right, right.

Like, now I'm not, I don't like it, but I apparently I'm in the minority because they are crawling out of the woodwork.

Uh-huh.

Like, Nambla, fucking, dude, fucking, you don't know any internet shit, really.

I know what Nambla is, yeah.

Okay,

you know that guy, Vaughn.

Those are the OGs.

That's what, see, when I was a kid, we had Nambla.

Yeah.

I was seeing what was happening.

My dad, when I was a kid online, that was one of the only websites you could go to.

It was everything else.

That was one of the first ones.

There was nowhere to go.

It was everything else.

Bombs were

like, yeah, hey, I'm 11 years old.

I know what I want.

I want it now.

I don't need the government getting in between me and myself.

That website, half of it was for adults and half of it was for kids.

I don't know why people.

I don't know.

I mean, everything else.

Where else am I going to have?

There's five websites.

Do you know who Vosh is?

V-A-U-S-H.

He's that BreadTube guy.

Okay, BreadTube is.

BreadTube is.

That is like this.

It's people that use conservative style video titles, but they're actually it's like a communist it's it's streamer bullshit, but the reason I love it is because that little twitch Vosh.

So that guy, I don't know if you follow like stupid shit, but if you pick one stupid thing, it was my favorite.

So that guy Vosh was on his stream talking about commie shit, like he's a song biker, and he clicked on a folder that said taxes by mistake while he's like commenting on Asian guys' suits.

And then the folder opens up and it's pictures of uh uh horses fucking

anime style drawn children

okay for a split second where like real horse like a like a no it's drawing Roger Rabbit a drawing no anime

okay but in his tags his folder and for a split second like had I been watching I wouldn't pick out but you know all these Spergs online yeah freeze frame it and it became a whole so he he likes lolliporn where horses are fucking kids okay

and uh so it calls it causes a hole.

Like the people that are allied with him have to try to defend this.

And then Ethan from H3H3, who used to like him now is like, what the fuck is this?

Now, also, Vosh isn't 100% supporting Israel, so that's partially what they turned on him.

But his fucking excuse for it is one of my favorite.

He goes, oh, I didn't realize it was kids.

I thought they were short-stack goblins.

I don't know what the fuck that means.

Short-stack goblin?

That sounds like the

minor league baseball team.

Yeah, right.

Because, you know, short stack, you know, like gobl, like, these fucking online people are into shit beyond science and imagination.

But then he goes, he goes, his whole fallback was like, no, I didn't really, you know, looking back, those girls licking the horse's asshole look young in the picture.

I should have realized, you know, I'm into horses.

I like horse cock.

That was his fallback.

I'm a zoophile.

Oh, okay.

Not a pedophile.

No, do you understand?

Big penis.

Socially speaking, it has to be better than fucking a kid, right?

Than raping a kid?

You can't really fuck a kid.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, pardon me, pardon me.

That's kind of fucked up.

Like, that's even worse.

I mean, it added to the horse, too, because now you're turning this horse into a pedophile.

Well, Chank Uger said he would legalize it if he could.

Remember?

Was that the guy from TYT?

There was a clip of him where he's like, I would legalize, because if you're pleasuring a horse, who's.

Sorry, the guy whose first and last name you're not allowed to say anymore.

Chink

that guy

dude I've thought that but I dare not say it because I don't want to get in trouble for saying his shitty name yeah I can he goes

dude your first and last name are not cool to say the only guy in the space of podcasting with a worse name than Comtown dude Shane Gillis lost a job for just saying part of your bullshit name

That's why no one cared about the Uyghurs because like people, you know, most people don't know jack shit, so I'd be like, do you know any

Uyghur?

And they go, yo.

Like, no, I'm like, no, it's not.

I'm trying to spell it for them.

Oh, the young Turks.

Yeah.

And that's what I do now.

People go by Chinese, like, oh, the Cheng Uyghurs?

Yeah.

And it's funny to imagine that the Chinese just have like Scott Khan and vanilla ice in a prison somewhere.

And they're just using their limited resources to come up with secret dances.

Tom Hanks's bamboo sets.

Tom Hanks' bad son is out there.

The guards are coming.

They're hiding.

They have dried feces with dance moves.

Yeah.

Just hiding the feces.

They have to read like a little red mailbook in their fucking

Chenk Uyghur.

Damn, man.

How did I end up over here, man?

Weird is a gribby on that.

Why are they hating on my ass, man?

Yeah, he's a friend of our show.

Chet Hayes?

I support him.

We love him.

I support him.

That's not easy.

One of Adam's best friends.

Probably one of my best friends.

You think that's easy to grow up?

Your dad's in a goddamn sex trafficking thing with with episodes?

This is a big friend move.

He did the LAX pickup when I flew into LA.

Pick me up at LAX.

Yeah, because he's hard to get a friend.

That means that you're a bad person.

That's a down-ass homie, dude.

There's no getting around that.

An LA

pickup in a car?

A lot of people don't know.

You can basically go anywhere in LA for $10 from LAX if you just take a shuttle.

Yeah.

You just find an empty shuttle.

Is Ian

blowing your ass up?

Ian's on.

I'm just going to to not.

Kurt's 10 minutes late.

Time to suck a dick and smoke crack.

It sounds like another crisis for old Ian.

No, I'm just not doing it.

Because I'm like, how many fucking things can I jam?

I'll do it next time.

When you see Ian, you tell him that we said we're going to kill him.

Yeah, tell him he's on Fool's Notice.

He's on Fool's Notice.

Tell him he's on Fool's Notice.

Ian, you're on Fool's Notice.

Ian, you're officially on Fool's Notice.

We can wrap it up if you have shit to do.

No, I just want to pee so bad.

I'd rather just do this and not worry about his.

well we'll hang up see and then we can hang out well i don't want to i want to do it in this cup no okay pee in the cup and then where's the uh bathroom i i'm dying you you uh it's down the hall take a left out of the door go all the way now people are going to reverse engineer where the studio is

this is up dude yeah i've been to every toilet in new york and i found it

so

you were on fool's notice recently yeah but i think should we announce that the adam freedland show is officially

well it's a sister a sister sister yeah our sister show is officially

Red Bar, Red Bar Radio,

similar to Chank Uyghur, the show that shall not be named.

The Young Turks and Red Bar Radio are two sister shows.

And you were put on Fool's Notes recently.

I was recently.

And we paid.

We paid for a positive review.

Yeah, no, we paid for the premium access to watch Adam's Fool's Notice.

Oh, yeah, we did also pay this one.

No, but

I think I came out unscathed.

I've been shitting myself since then.

I thought I was going to come out like

a real clown.

You did.

Sort of big dog, that guy.

I didn't know what he was saying.

I couldn't understand what he was saying.

But I responded gayly.

I said he should be.

He was five feet away from him.

Five feet away from me.

But he had a

I heard him pretty clearly.

I watched the video.

So he was holding the phone.

Yeah, so the microphone is facing you.

Whose side are you on?

His or mine?

I'm on the side of Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa for handling.

Shout out to Side Splitters.

Handle it.

Shout out to Side Splitters in Tampa.

Yeah, no.

I mean, it was an honor to be on fool's notice.

I guess I comprehensively sunned the guy.

And Red Bar,

you know,

we salute you.

The Adam Friedland Show salute.

We salute you and

your work.

Your immense

catalog of of

uh

reviews of different

Bobby Kelly style shows they're very good it is that I

that that cigar I mean it is that's one of the funniest things I've ever seen I did watch that one we watched both of them Caleb showed me that one originally in Tampa after I asked what fools noticed was I think I've watched it five times and it's in it is very funny yeah it is very funny oh my god thanks yeah did you I hope you were mic'd when you were pissing so I turned away off.

Yeah.

Hell yes.

You think I turned the mic off?

That's a little bit of multi-point.

100% transparent.

Okay, and I want everybody to know.

Transparent.

That's exactly.

Jeffrey Tanner.

Thank you for noticing.

Mm-hmm.

What was the other fuck?

Oh, so there's a story I wanted to tell you before about, now that I don't have to worry about this other fucking podcast.

So I sit down and the one guy that worked.

Now, again, I'm not like coming out as a

Terry Cruz.

Pete, you marked that thing I said I want to cut?

Okay, good.

We'll cut that.

Just in case.

So like this bombshell, I understand people go, oh, this is the stupid club that canceled me playing there and Dave Smith and whatever that I just put up to laugh at online.

I got four like news stations who want to talk about cancel culture.

I go, I don't give a fuck about that.

I just thought it was funny this email this girl wrote.

Oh, I didn't see the email.

It's like hilarious.

I saw that, where is this, in Seattle or something?

In where the chaz was.

Remember the chazz?

Oh, so you were, but that was outside.

You guys were doing it.

No, that it's the Capitol Hill area.

Oh, okay.

So it was some club where, like, after talking to the community and the whatever, we can't have all these people at the club.

And, you know, I'm not mad at them.

Like, bitch, you're going out of business.

Like, first of all, you're in a human shit area

and you have to consult with the goddamn

community in the place that seceded from the union during BLM time.

Are you so hilarious?

So when I saw that Capitol City thing, I was like, this is the funniest shit.

Yeah.

I literally, cancel culture died on October 7th.

We all know that, right?

Yes, yeah.

Hamas killed, killed cancel culture because

it's so much time now.

I confuse that and January 6th, October 7th, the dates.

Half the time they think that they're like, oh, what an awful thing that happened.

I'm like, what are you talking about?

Funniest things of all time.

And then they're like, which one?

I'm like, both of them.

Both of them are the funniest things that ever happened.

Yeah, so

that's because when that happened, all like the fucking, like, not the religious, like,

whatever your religious kind of Zionists that were never wokies,

the ones, like, people that I like, okay, like,

whatever, like, I'll just say Sarah Silverman as an example.

I'm not trying to pick on her exactly, but liberal, but love Israel,

but they're anti-or Bill Maher, perfect.

Bill Maher.

You know, the Bible's stupid, right?

That's what I learned from Bill Maher.

I mean, okay.

That's that too, probably.

So they're all bewildered that there wasn't this flood of support they thought there would be.

Dude, you spent the last 10 years telling all these rednecks their Bible is fucking stupid, right?

It's about, what, 70% of the justification for Israel existing?

Yeah.

The Bible.

Right.

I don't get why you believe it should exist instead you hate the Bible, but you told these rednecks that used to support you unconditionally, the Bible's stupid.

Then you told them they're the terrorists instead of the Muslims that they wanted to fight forever for you.

Yeah.

Now you said, no, it's white gamers and rednecks are the terrorists.

They're Muslim.

You know, after January 6th, then you tried to make their fucking kids gay.

Yeah.

So now you think they're going to send their kids to Sandyland to go fight?

My old, I understand about October 7th.

Who is doing that?

I watched

secular liberal Zionist where they're like super woke.

Right, but they love Israel and they can't believe it.

I watched the footage of October 7th.

I don't know anything about either sides of these, but I am pro

Mario Kart.

Yeah, I do.

And when I see guys

riding a go-kart with a parachute attached to it, I say, those are my guys.

That's the side I'm on.

I think the larger point, and whatever side of this thing you're doing.

And I hate music festivals.

Look, whatever side anybody is.

Imagine somebody did that to Bonnaroo.

You would be like, good.

Yeah, yeah.

If Coachella got Mario Kart.

You know,

if you can't feel safe having a rave next to a concentration camp, where can you?

Anyway.

The one thing that no matter where this goes, and I think we're all going to agree, no matter what side you're on, is that

Kraf Maga is bullshit.

It is.

Kraf Maga has never worked.

It's scratching and biting and tickle fucking.

I'm in balls.

Yeah.

It's about time, and I'm sorry if this is gonna get me in trouble, but Krav McGah is bullshit.

I think we can go on the record and say that.

It's undignified.

A gentleman would never.

No, it doesn't work.

You eat your fucking ass kicks.

Yeah.

You're gonna be beaten like Woody Allen by a bunch of uh can I say schwarz or

I don't know if you can that might be worse now.

I feel like the the sort of antiquated like esoteric slurs

are worse

Because people hear it and then they're like, what the hell is that?

Do they say Schwarzenegger?

Yeah.

Well, that's both.

That's been his name the whole time, you're saying?

Paul Mooney explained what that name means.

Dude, you know, you can't, you said the F slur earlier.

Did I?

Well, I think you meant as a bundle of sticks.

Did I?

You know, a bundle of sticks is still called a fascist.

That's not a home of a bundle of.

I called one a fascist.

Which is also the original logo for fascism.

So the Italian word fascio means a bundle of sticks.

Yeah.

So if you translate it, fascism is

Saboro means?

What?

Like Saborro's pizza, but with an O.

I mean, it means cum.

It means cum in Italian.

Nice.

That fucking pizza restaurant, they're like, what if we just named the place cum?

Well, it looks like I'm not going to be a fascist, and I am going to get some Sabborros.

Yeah, we trick people stuck in Penn Station into eating cum.

Hey, come on.

Hey, you eat a macabre.

Come and have us some of this.

We've also mentioned...

Eat something.

We've mentioned it.

Have a more, you're looking skinny.

Have a come we've mentioned this a million times in the show but i don't think i've ever talked to you about it i mean i'm sure you've been in penn station a bunch throughout the years did you ever see that shop called tycoon and it's t-i-e-c-o-o-n and they still sell sell like steve harvey suits have you ever seen that place is it black ownership at least i have i don't think so

i looked it up because i'm like this is one of the worst things i've ever seen how are they getting waves similar to in philly they had that place chink stakes which almost no one knew about and it was up they didn't change the name until like 2013.

And I would tell people about it all the time.

Who is it named after?

A white guy that looked sleepy.

And that was on their website.

That guy was a real.

I think he was like a part of it.

There's a guy who's like a gangster or something.

And that's what they called him.

No, he was a regular just fucking idiot.

Yeah, that when he was a kid.

Oh, you might be thinking Jinny.

That actually meant the Chin.

No, no, no.

There was a guy whose name was that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it was like he grew up in the middle.

I won't say that.

I'm hoping to be on SNL someday.

Me too.

He grew up in Archie.

Shane.

Shane got back.

You know,

we might be getting it soon.

I think that call is going to be coming through.

I'm waiting on it any minute now.

So I sit down with this celebrity.

Shane's broken through.

He's like Joe Isuzu now.

This guy's mainstream.

Dude, we're like, oh, how is his monologue?

Who gives a shit?

This is the best thing.

You could have bombed.

Who gives a fuck?

They had to bring him back after firing him.

And then what's his name?

I thought he should have apologized in Mandarin Chinese like John Cena.

He should have.

Instead of an online, he's having a chance.

Ding down.

In perfect, perfect Mandarin.

I've just done that video and it's

perfect Mandarin.

If you speak Mandarin, you sound like a racist.

Yeah.

Do not speak Mandarin.

You will speak.

You speak it?

Yeah.

Oh, wait, you live with the...

Dude, you sound racist as fuck, but that's Mandarin.

I won't even say the president of China's name, like, because I, like, Ding Wing Ping, like, come on, man.

It does.

She's she's.

Nobody's named Ding Wing Pen.

And you know what else is racist?

She, it's sea.

She sells seashells.

That's it.

Yeah.

You know what's really racist?

Somebody called it out?

Indian music.

Yeah.

Southeast Asian Indian.

Oh, I heard that song.

Yeah, the guy.

All their music, if you go in a goddamn store, it sounds like they're making fun.

It sounds like it's making fun of itself.

Yeah.

Dude, come on.

They don't sing like that.

There's a joke.

Let's turn it down.

By the way, I don't know anything about Indian music.

I'm not going to do an impression.

Hollywoody kind of music.

Is that your very self-racist, or you mean their songs?

It sounds like, hey, I can't wait until they're going to be.

It sounds like someone's making fun.

Oh, okay.

But it's the original song.

more room.

That's a real song, but it sounds like a racist song to make fun of presumably some real Indian music you never get to hear.

But just itself, turn it off.

Turn it down.

Get that fucking outfit off because that's race.

It wasn't funny.

Mike Myers wore it in The Love Guru?

I can never get this joke to work.

I try to do it on stage, but it is just racist.

But when people go, like, oh, my culture isn't a costume.

Yes, it is.

That's literally what a culture is, you fucking idiot.

Well, beyond that, it's like, okay, sure, there might be cultural clothes you wear, but you're not going to convince me that that big headdress with the feathers isn't a costume.

Because if it's not, why aren't you wearing it right now?

Where's your feather?

Because, right.

You're not like, oh, fuck, I got to get to the grocery store before they close.

Where's my giant feather headdress to put on before I leave the house?

Where's my allowed formal wear?

Right, yeah.

Some of them are costumes.

Do you know how, so in Canada,

most of them are costumes?

That's a salient point.

Some of them are costumes.

All that shit is gone now, but

I love it.

I think you can just live in a lamp like I do.

Regular day-to-day lamp-living lifestyle.

So remember Canada where they saluted that Nazi in the House of Commons?

So I was telling Ryan Long about it because he's from Canada.

He goes,

I want nothing more to let out the longest, squeakiest, ending in short fart during a land acknowledgement next time I'm in Canada.

That's my goal.

And I'm like, well, just like they're being let out of a a balloon.

Yeah, by the way, that's the only rule.

Wait, wait, wait.

That's a really nice gesture, isn't it?

Hey, I want to recognize this is the land of the Chucapaka people, and they are never getting it.

Right, exactly.

If you don't move it,

that's who exactly is.

You're not going to move, are you?

It is incredibly rude.

So, wait, so imagine you go to

lose this if you're very, my brain doesn't work very well.

Yeah, me either.

They have a problem with Punjabi terror.

So that guy,

something Singh, Jagmeet Singh, who's like another politician that looks like Justin Trudeau in his Arabian Nights outfit.

You ever see how Punjabi, they had Punjabi terrorists living in Canada for a while.

Now I had no idea what Punjabi terrorists look like, but they look fucking hilarious.

And they are dressed up in the most colorful.

And so there's a whole community of like, of, just like the Ukrainian Nazi guy that they exploded planes back in India and everybody hates them.

And they're dressed.

When you see the outfit of the terrorists, you're like, hey, couldn't you just say, I wish you guys would stop?

It looks like that.

It looks like.

That's against the rules.

It looks like Sinbad, the comedian, when he played a genie.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Not even Genie.

Sinbad's pants he used to wear.

They wear that with like a big,

it looks like a racist costume making fun of, and they're terrorists.

I mean, can you imagine keeping a straight face in that?

War on terror?

But what kind of terrorism is that?

It's more like a war on laughter, I guess.

No, other

separatists, like

they're, I can't remember the terrorism because it sounds like none of my damn thing.

I think they're freedom fighters myself.

You know, one man's terrorists is another man's fucking personal heroes.

That's true.

That he sends money to another person.

You know, the first su you said concentration camps.

The first suicide bombing bombers weren't Muslim.

They were

Tamils in Sri Lanka.

Ever that you heard of?

The first, like, what the fuck are Tamils?

Like, the Tamil Tigers?

That chick, M.I.A., that...

M.I.A.

is Tamil?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, they were.

Kind of Azizi-looking people.

Okay.

I love her.

Yeah.

Azizi and Aziz and sorry-looking kind of people.

I remember Aziz used to talk about being into her years ago when she first came out.

I do.

It is true.

I've never seen MIA and Aziz in the same route.

Oh, wait a minute.

Do they look the same?

No, not in my estimation.

I just remember the song, the one song.

Paper planes.

Great track.

Paper planes.

And I don't know if the Tamils are even terrorists, too.

Wow, that sounds like a little tongue twister.

Tamil Terror, too.

That's why I've been fixating on just the word Tamil since you said it, because it doesn't sound like a description.

It's a cool name.

Showing some of the Tamil toe, bitch.

Yeah, right, exactly.

It sounds like an animal.

I'm about to write a dog breed rather than a type of person you could be.

I know, and I refuse to look it up or learn more about it because I feel like that would be racist.

To learn a language and to learn about people.

I remember that being a thing.

I I don't trust myself with the information.

That's the problem.

I think a regular person could read about this and have their mind open.

I know how I will react, and it's not going to be good for them.

It's going to be ignorant.

It's going to be bad.

I think it's pretty mature of you to recognize that by yourself.

There's some things I can learn.

You got to regulate.

You've got to appreciate it.

I can't change my instincts, but I can keep myself.

It's like putting a muzzle on a dog or

putting it down.

It's worse if I'm trying to be good.

Yeah.

It's worse.

I get way more out of control.

Right now, now, I'm very excited about the.

I have to go to Baltimore after that attack on the bridge.

On the bridge, yeah.

Which

your bridge chunk together for the shows?

No, I just have a crazy conspiracy that I'd like to put on your show.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

I think that it is.

Do you ever have a girlfriend that gets mad?

Like, an act would break my shit?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, like a revenge kind of thing?

Yeah.

I haven't, but I can imagine.

A breaker.

Keith Robinson calls him a breaker.

Oh, Keith has a name for.

Yeah.

Yeah, no.

That's a clever name, too.

I'd rather be his because, you know, that's those of those money.

And, for example, my ex that was a breaker.

That's so funny.

Keith calls it a woman who breaks something.

Keith calls it a breaker.

He goes, he's a, you got a breaker.

Yeah, was this a post-stroke thought that he.

So breakers, by the way.

I remember my one ex, that was a breaker, and we were arguing about Kyle Rittenhouse because I knew he was going to get acquitted.

You know what Keith calls him?

A shooter.

A shooter.

I call him a goddamn hero.

I knew he was going to be acquitted, okay, because I did a little detective trick of watching the readily available evidence of every part of the thing for hours.

But because she's a breaker.

It is very funny.

Half the reason people don't like it is because he's got a round, fat face

that you want to hit with a skateboard.

Imagine getting shot by like a peep, basically.

No, that was a good idea.

He looks like a woman.

He looks like a midwest woman no dude it should have been chris kyle there he looks like one of those like get your skateboards you could fix that face

but he's everyone he shot i'm good for he's better than cops but anyway my girlfriend not not my girl my ex because she breaks shit she identified with like the pedophile burn shit down people more because she didn't like the idea that someone could be And by the way, it's not why they got shot.

They got shot because they were trying to kill him.

But she's like, but for property,

because she's broken shit.

So she identifies with them.

I go, look, I have no political feelings in this.

Like, I don't believe in any of the things that are real.

I'm just telling you, watch the footage of it.

You could see what happened.

She goes, I don't need to see the footage.

I go, bitch, what am I?

Galileo?

Look in the telescope.

You can see reality in there.

Yeah, so she, you think she broke the bridge, your ex?

No, I think, you know, how we had to get back with our first love, our first wife, Israel, and our side piece, Ukraine?

Hey, we're good times.

It was a Chinese ship.

And now, look, I don't mean to apply Occam's razor in a situation where it could just be racist, but

DEI did this.

I want to make that clear, though.

It was a Chinese guy driving the ship.

I mean,

yeah.

Wait, is that true?

Yeah.

Are you speculating?

Because it was a Singapore ship.

Because you've solved it if it was a Chinese guy.

It was a Singaporees ship.

That's not, man.

I thought we cracked the case.

Can you imagine a Chinese guy named Gilligan?

How much trouble you would have with it?

The name and the steering?

Yeah.

Gilligan?

Oh my.

Oh my God.

I was doing this podcast in LA and the dude.

Chitanic, is that what they would call it?

Chitanic?

I don't know.

I called Taiwan Chinese Real because that's how important Taiwan is.

Yeah, Chinese Real.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Hello?

Hello?

They're like, can you stop podcasting?

What?

Open the door.

Hi.

Hello.

Yeah, Amazon?

What do we got?

What do you got for us?

Let's see.

I'm excited, dude.

Nice.

You gotta find something?

That's it.

You can just put on the floor.

I would say bring it to the stage and have it on.

That's okay.

Thanks, man.

Awesome.

TV, we're doing a TV show.

Thanks.

For TV.

Union Strong.

Do you see how it's open the door, he just crashed into it?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

People, they can't, he wasn't on camera, so they can't tell.

Okay, so for real, though, that bridge that went down,

and you're right, Occam's razor, it could be literally

incompetence.

We have more enemies as a country than the fantastic four did in the comics.

It could be like anything.

However, that bridge.

What is the original Occam's razor?

Like, there was a crime scene.

It was a religious guy.

No.

There was a crime scene they found, the razor, and then this guy named Occam walks out.

Yeah.

That's the black guys.

This is a bit, are you asking?

I'm asking.

It was some some monk in like Augustinian medieval bullshit times, and they were trying to,

it's not how people use it, everybody uses it wrong.

And he was like, they're talking about describing a chair.

You know,

I hate these like philosophy kind of spurs where they're like, but is it a, you know, what can we say for sure about the chair?

Philosophy is the fakest thing in the world.

So he was like, he was like, look, the simplest thing is the fucking chair.

I'm mangling it, but it's a thing to, it's not the thing people use now to pretend that it's not possible UFOs are a fair.

It's let's call a spade a spade.

That's exactly what it is.

That sounds racist.

Why, right?

Yeah, it does.

You can't call a shovel a shovel.

What do you think spade means?

David Spade?

Oh, it's David's Spade.

Is that where it comes from?

I think he, yes, I think it's a fair.

It's funny that his name is David Spade, because that's like the least accurate description of him.

Because he doesn't have a flat.

Well, no, his name should be like David, the most cracker guy you've ever seen.

David Cracker.

That's what a spade is?

You've never heard that term?

Oh, you know what?

I have.

You've redeemed yourself over after.

Wait, that makes sense about the shaft theme song for the second movie where they go, he's a bad spade, don't pull your blade.

Yeah.

They're talking about shaft in the song.

Yeah, it's a

racist in his own song.

That's how far they come.

Can you imagine there's a racial slur about you in your own theme song?

Okay, I don't understand how spade.

I think that America we used to live in.

Can you imagine halfway through the Good Times theme song, they were like, and by the way, there were a bunch of people.

In China, that's what they like.

Oh, do they?

Yeah.

They like being racist too, or they're learning.

All of it.

You can't talk about the government, but after the show, because they don't like sex or religion jokes, they're not really into that.

Yeah, yeah.

But they're like, Do you have any like racial racial?

It's funny.

Sorry.

Have you done shows in China?

Yeah.

The mention that about Singapore.

Singapore is highly authoritarian, but they're also very progressive.

So I had Singaporeese guys go after me like years ago to asking for me to be thrown in jail.

Oh, the poets.

They're worse than China.

Right, By a lot.

Yeah.

By a lot.

Yeah, and if that's homophobic there, you get the death penalty.

Yeah, like

China was funny when it went, because like in China, they don't shadow ban the people actually know the rules they're not supposed to break, generally.

But it also seems like a utopia.

Singapore seems like it's amazing.

It's super clean and I could live like that.

Like if you're just not allowed to say problematic shit, but everybody has like, everybody's a fucking millionaire.

Yeah.

I'd give it up for that easily.

Yeah, well, that's why do you think wokies here do that?

Because they got money, so it's easy for them to be like, I don't ever have to to point out any everybody lives in the sewer, that's not the rich place.

That's where you have to have realities of dealing with people.

But if you're some dip shit, I would trade everything for money.

Well, every single

I would do pretty much anything.

It doesn't really, yeah, whatever you want, I would give it up as a moment.

Oh, if I could have an answer to that, would you keep silent when Candace Owens is fired for her conscience?

I don't even know what that is.

Did you bring that up to me, Candace Owens?

He did.

I did.

She was fucking.

You see that?

She got got fired.

You pretend you didn't know.

No, you were saying how the right is fra, but I was saying, oh, hasn't the right fractured on Israel?

Because, like, you have the Ben Shapiro and then you have the Candace Owens.

I was just saying the same thing.

I awoke with Dido.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It fractures everything.

It's not the same kind of political polarity.

They finally, so I don't have Twitter.

Like, I don't have access to it.

So I have to read it through.

There was like a third-party thing that was.

Did you get kicked off or you just...

No, I just, I have...

Kylo just runs the account.

I would waste all my fucking time if I

it's easy to get sucked in

I'm just addicted to the phone so I'd like

I have to just and now you know you can just pay

well he's working

one of the greats I'd rather I'd rather

spend my time you know I got back into Battlefield 1 recently you ever play that

Helldivers dude get hell divers

people have mentioned that to me but yeah Battlefield 1 I got back into which came out in 2016 but it's still the best battlefield yeah right but now it's only I can only play on Arab servers are you on a computer no no no on PS5 but uh gay helldivers it's the best is it World War I no it's it's like starship troopers fat you remember starship troopers I like bolt action rifles I like games they have stuff like that but the thing that's great is you're bringing democracy they go bring democracy to the planet and you have the like stupid and you don't have a character if your character dies they just shoot another nameless one down maybe male or female because you don't matter yeah and you fight socialist robots on one planet and the other is the bugs.

Yeah.

Like in Starship Troopers, and it's you can kill each other, but like you'll die from fuck-ups from friendly fire.

Yeah.

It's fucking great.

Well, I played, I played Battlefield One, and I like because you know, there's limited servers now, because the game's fucking almost nine years old at this time.

And so I end up playing on these Arab servers, like they have like KSA-branded servers, I guess.

And they have them set so it only cycles like the desert maps.

Like they only play in like fucking, in like the Arab, the sand ones.

It's like, can't you just go outside at this point?

I mean, isn't that, isn't war happening there?

I've assumed that that's what's going on.

So that's really, I wouldn't have thought, because I remember there was like a controversy that Call of Duty.

I think Kumal wasn't mad about it, but he was like, it's weird.

I'm playing Call of Duty and the streets are in Karachi.

Like, oh, that's where my house was.

Yeah.

It's like, it is a mind-blowing thing that, because you wouldn't, I would never know that.

What is Kumale doing?

It seems like he transitioned to movie star and then adult, like, then he, like, did he die during the pandemic?

No, he got jacked.

I know, but then I haven't heard it.

He got jacked.

He's in the new Ghostbusters.

Getting jacked was the last thing I said.

Oh, he's in the new Ghostbusters.

Okay.

They should have made the Ghostbusters fucking him and Paul Rudd.

Maybe TJ.

Not a kid's thing.

Make a dude's.

Adult Ghostbusters.

Yeah, because Kumal is fucking great as that.

You know, it's just they make all this shit.

So, you know, I don't even want to get into the problems of the movie business you know what i'm saying well we're in it so we can't we don't we don't want to take shots yeah i feel like i'm taking way too many shots

leave hollywood alone guys i mean we got a pile on them all the time just because they

everyone is yeah i mean they've given us so much you know and so they clear the space you know what's funny it's like i peep this dan schneider documentary came out i don't think anyone has watched it i haven't it's in my queue but i got a lot of molested things

it's gonna be like it's gonna be so funny because it like Hollywood will just go back to abusing children because they're like,

there's no money in it anymore.

Yeah, that's why you don't have to worry about AI.

You know, they're going to take your likeness and use it because you can't molest an AI.

Yeah.

You need real flesh and blood child actors.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's true.

Didn't they propose that as a solution for pedophilia?

It was like a was like didn't you propose to a guy

to marry him to be his

wife?

No.

Oh, okay.

I was confused.

I think that's what those gray big head aliens are.

I think they're like intergalactic things for pedophiles to fuck.

Yeah.

You know, because it's always sexual what they do.

It would probably feel good.

Yeah.

The mouth slit that they have, that the abductees described, they have a mouth slit that they can't even like eat through.

I would stick my dick in that.

Yeah.

Yeah, but what about the ass?

I want the big black eyes to look and like mentally connect while I fuck his mouth.

Yeah.

And I want to put that out there in case anybody.

What if aliens came and all those guys are like, they anally probed me?

It's like this guy got abducted by aliens and they were like, we come in peace and want to.

And this guy's like, fuck me and my ass.

I'm going to suck your dick.

And they got, the aliens just got sexually abused by some weird desert red dude.

Okay, well, I went on a big, deep dive of this.

And then they never came back.

And we blew.

It was one guy, some hick in an RV, blew it for everybody.

Well, I went into such a

alien.

Not about.

I'm in an alien.

I fucked him.

Yeah.

He fucked my ass, and I sucked his dick.

They're the aggressor.

Like, the thing is funny is all the stories they're like harvesting like do their ships run on sperm?

Why are they is there a fuel source to them?

Every time it's the asshole.

Every time it's not what you're talking about is Whitley Streiber and the reason I bring this up is I was just watching him talk about it because Whitley Streiber the guy who put made the book Communion I guess the term angel he's also the Obama guy right?

He sucked Obama's dick for cracking.

Yeah, just let me finish before I leave because it's funnier the real thing.

You're spurgouts.

I keep saying spurged.

Like I'm like racist against that's not a term anyone's used in like 10 years.

Yeah, yeah.

I think pretty much.

Well, what am I supposed to call these fucking?

Aspergers isn't even a diagnosis anymore.

Yeah, it's not in the DSA.

It's got a hard G at the end of it.

It's got an R and a great.

It's a funny word.

I want to insult these people.

I say smart-hearted.

Yeah.

For like Greta Thunberg.

That's good.

They're sort of like a hybrid.

Like the Tesla.

Right, like retarded, they like wrestling.

Smart-hearted likes anime.

So if you ever have to Blade Runner test...

Do you guys tard hunt?

What?

You know how people predator hunt?

Do they do like to catch a predator?

Uh-huh.

I don't know if you do online tard hunting, but and you don't know what you got on your hands.

No, I don't hunt them.

I've never hunted.

Well, not for anything bad, but just you track them.

You guys are not involved in that?

No.

Just get like a well, if you get into it, the smart tards like anime, so that's how you learn them.

Uh-huh.

The other kind like wrestling.

You get imminent wrestling.

Uh-huh.

Is that still a thing?

Are there still fucking like guys that are like 37, they've been doing comedy for 15 years.

They maybe run one popular show and they're like their whole life is wrestling.

Soder's still really into it.

Yeah, Dan Soder.

Soder is still in there.

You don't don't know Dan Soder?

Yeah, Soder's.

Yeah.

They put him in a documentary.

Shot rescinded.

That's why I won't watch the Dan Schneider fucking thing because you just on YouTube there's better shit.

And with the fucking whoever made this one, they got to add some loser young journalist girl that wasn't involved, but she writes her variety, so we have to add, like, it's the best week ever.

Like, well, Dan Snyder, she's reading her fucking stupid fake thing.

I hate, dude, I hate they're doing pedophile code now, MTV's pedophile code?

Mm-hmm.

What's that?

I don't know.

It's like guy code, what you're saying.

Guy code, but for guys that fuck kids?

I mean, that's just that all of the things.

That's just guy code.

That's just guy code.

That's just all of the things.

Mm-hmm.

Are you guys high-value males?

HBMs?

Yeah,

yeah.

Is that like Andrew Tate kind of stuff?

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is Andrew Tate stuff.

I kind of like,

I've literally still say H NIC.

What does that mean?

Just think about it.

You can get it.

The boss of something, H NIC.

Yes, they do.

Yeah, okay.

Yes, they do.

I can trust you.

I know that I don't have to...

You can put it together.

I know that.

Anyone else, I'd have to spell it out, but I think.

Yeah, they do, but I mean, I wouldn't say some shit like that, man.

No, that used to be a common expression that people, like, people would use.

They would say HNIC.

And it it it like is synonymous with big cheese without thinking about the racial implications of big cheese?

Like, you know, oh, this guy's the big cheese.

Who are you insulting with that?

You're not insulting anybody.

But with HNIC.

HNIC is not an insult.

It's something people would claim.

There would be like a fucking, like, the general manager at a car dealership, who's like a white guy, would be like, well, I'm sort of the HNIC.

Look, if a word's like, I said this a little bit about word burkas, you know, and

you got to cover the word up a little bit, like for a word that you shouldn't say, but still, you still need sometimes.

Yeah.

So you go, oh, the R-word or whatever.

Oh, yeah, the blank.

Put a burqa on it, you know?

But even the N-word, even not the word, but saying the N-word feels uncomfortable.

And why?

Because you know one of that burqa is two big double G-sized word titties.

Yeah.

You ain't going to cover them titties up with no burqa.

You keep your dirty white mouth off them titties.

You know what I realize?

I found out recently Wikipedia has an article for wigger, but then they also have an article for

chink wigger?

Yes.

Okay.

No, just the word wigger, right?

Which means a white guy that acts black.

It's African American.

Yeah.

They have an article for wigger, but then they also have an article for white boop.

That's a separate article.

Yeah.

And it says not to be confused with Wigger.

Really?

I can't believe they're that accurate.

I can't believe Wikipedia.

What does the second thing mean?

If you go to the talk page, it's people being like, why isn't this deleted?

Why is that on Wikipedia?

So that's amazing you would have something that accurate.

Yeah.

So white N-word versus Wigger.

White N-word is what you would call deplorables or Trump voters.

As in, which is a real thing, which is all the white people that you don't like.

not I know I know you I know you're not you're you're more of an alt-right guy but yeah no I'm not I'm not I just like to pin I like to smear people's alt-right now yeah is alt-right even a thing anymore no but then it hasn't stopped them whenever you got it whenever you got out of the game the game because now we're in Gamergate 2 and that's the thing that is Gamergate 2 a thing what's happening with that what's going on with that you know everything games suck now though dude this is so much bigger than that this is funny because I went back I told you I was playing Battlefield 1 again and that was that game became out peak, like Gamergate.

So it's like sometimes the setting will be like the Russian Revolution, and you're playing as a black lady.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can play as the characters are black.

Do you know why that is?

So this is...

I don't care.

I just want to shoot people.

Okay, well, I bought Spider-Man.

I bought fucking Spider-Man.

I beat it.

I beat it.

Yeah.

So, first of all, Mary Jane...

They actually hire consultants of those kind of, you know, exactly what they look like already.

Busted.

Busted.

The Simpsons, the Simpsons.

And their job is to ruin the fucking.

So Mary Jane, who's a model, has a big, fat.

She's an ugly bitch.

She's junk in the mug, is how I put it.

And then one mission you have to fucking, as Dominican Spider-Man, you got to fucking set up a gay high school prom date.

One mission, you got to play as a deaf fucking little black girl that does girlfriend.

That's his girlfriend, yes.

I bet they're just friends and they're going to glue their head to him from here or something.

You got to fucking

just stop with.

Okay?

And I'm like, I want to be spider.

You have to play as Mary Jane

with a flat ass, no hips, Mary Jane.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I'm not playing this.

70 bucks they charge for it.

And I was like, I put all this shit about, you know, by the way, I'm 46, so how much can I really complain about a video game publicly?

As much as you want.

That seems, now that I'm in my 30s and I'm just saying,

you just started in my 30s and it's almost over.

I'm looking forward to my 40s because if you think I'm a piece of shit and that's pop-off season,

I go full goblins.

I've had another 20 years from when I was 25 and already not acting my age to continue to mature.

Now I've done it again, and I'm still acting like a fucking reboot.

So stupid Gamergate at the time, what happened was all the fruit loops from that, all those chicks that were like the one, there was one that wanted me destroyed.

I'm not really to Gamergate, but the chick that was trying to get me fired from everything, she was like, the Daily Dot lady saved her.

No, her name is Jude Doyle now.

Jude Doyle, right?

It's a man.

And

he's gone bald.

I haven't seen that, but I'm going to look it up.

Somebody else pointed it out because

he got mad at me.

I don't want to miss gender.

But this person I was harassing,

they got mad at me because I just...

You were harassing Jude Doyle?

Well, all I ever did was just sending a doctor.

I was a picture of Doctor Evil.

And now they've turned into Doctor Evil.

How crazy it sounds.

But dude, you know why Jude came at me as I don't want to dead name Jude?

Was because

when,

well, Jude was always a man.

I don't know how to tell the story now, but Jude was mad at Sam Murill.

Sam Murill, and you said they were fake.

And I go, Sam, let's say that this is a character we made up to make a point, and this person doesn't even exist.

That's where it all started.

And I didn't know about BPD or whatever the fuck, the these like Brooklyn Smartard problems.

And so I would have never made that joke.

I thought it was a very harmless, almost kind of Jonathan Swift-esque satire, honestly.

And so people thought this person didn't exist for eight hours tops on Facebook.

Right, and that's assault.

And yeah, and so that so this maniac went through everything I've ever

commented, like like comments, posts, because I didn't understand smart tardation at the time, which

you could say it's not the vaccines, but it's something.

There's more of these smart tards than ever before, and they have the time to go through everything you've ever said, like an AI, to try to pick out something.

And I thought it was hilarious.

I posted what Jude made, the collage of my...

I think it's just the internet has highlighted how bad human behavior is when it's not mitigated by anything and there's no like I feel like like 40 years ago all of these people would just be like maybe hurting their cat here and there you know what I mean or annoying their family or doing something would you be in a convent uh lesbian moles

every time every time I scratch my nuts I smell my hand every single time so that's how hard it is for me to resist and I don't think that's a complex I think that's pretty common human behavior well I gotta stop smelling your hand that's that's the point the problem

smell my hand everybody does it right everybody does this everyone does this all those freaks all those like

they've moved up the ladder so so much from the days of them being game journalists that they consult with the Department of Homeland Security.

Brianna Wu's a family consults with Homeland Security on domestic terrorism because remember when all the Muslims stopped attacking us, which is nice of them, and it became white incels are the new terrorists?

Yeah, yeah.

I only just, because Brianna Wu is also very pro-Israel.

And I only just recently.

That's why I support her.

I only just recently found out Brianna Wu is not a Chinese lady.

It's like when I found out Whoopi Goldberg's not Jewish.

Same fucking shot.

Yeah.

And Joy Behar is not Jewish.

Well, I've never clicked on the picture.

I never clicked on the picture.

I clicked on the picture, and I'm like, let's see how, like, why is this Chinese lady going so hard for Israel?

Well, Trans People does not like Brianna Wu has turned on her because the new generation is even crazier than the ones from the first Gamergate.

The new generation of that kind of maniac, and they just devour, like, but anyway, so what happened was...

I didn't even really pay attention.

I don't even know what Gamergate is.

Okay, well, people got mad at the Battlefield 1 thing.

They put, like, there was like one game with a girl in it, and people are like, duh.

No, no, Battlefield 1 was the one World War I won and that was good.

Battlefield 5

was the one where...

But the game sucks.

Yeah it sucks.

Battlefield 5 sucks.

It sucks.

Because it's all about so you know you know about ESG and all that by now I hope.

But that's not what ruined Battlefield 5.

It's just a bad game.

But you listen to what I'm saying.

Okay.

The game's bad and because you can get investment venture capital and all that shit for

hitting a right score they can make a bad game.

They slap a put a chick in it and make her game lame, like a South Park, and then you get your money.

So that's why, like all my friends that run channels complaining about nerd shit, and they're like, well, you got to go to the consumer, how they make money.

No, they are making money.

They're not making money by making a thing you want and selling it to you.

They're making money because the top wealthy people are so rich they can afford to pay them to make shit you hate on purpose.

So now there's consulting firms.

And what is most evil about it is that a lot of them are Canadian.

So imagine Canadian woke tars being in charge of, that's why Spider-Man was fucked up.

So somebody,

some guy in Brazil made a list of every game this consulting team worked on.

It's called Sweet Baby Inc.

And

there's a hilarious video going around, this chick saying about you can shake down the company.

You know how Jesse Jackson, Rainbow Coalition, he goes, you don't have enough black people.

And they go, oh, and they pay him.

Just the same scam.

It's a

same.

shakedown thing like a mob but they're too stupid to not say out loud jesse jackson would have never said i'm shaking shaking you down.

These dumb fucking whores are saying it, and there's video of it.

And they're connected to fucking homeland security

through some other company.

They all do cutouts.

And then if you read the page where they go, you know, online extremism can form in video game communities.

Yeah, that's what they say.

The lady right now, she quotes Hassan Piker.

Somebody working for the government is quoting Hassan Piker as a handsome friend.

Big, big friend of the show.

So that all came out.

And the difference between this and the first game.

So at the time when the first game were gay, that I didn't care about because I was an adult, even like gay gamers.

But when that came out, the only way you could get anybody noticing it was to partner up with either the right or left.

So Milo Yiannopoulos, Dan Homo, and then a bunch, but those are right-wingers.

Oh, he's gay?

He stopped, but I think he might have.

Oh, yeah, he did stop.

You know, he kind of looks like Age Patrons Zero with the fucking glasses.

The aviators.

When I think about the pic, you you know what I'm talking about that newspaper and the black and white so the way the way the thing about ethics and journalism basically same problem of all journalism is it's all like it should say paid advertisement on it because it's show yeah but because right-wing figures got involved the other side of the media was able to go oh this is a far-right movement and blah and every people

and these are nerds that care about games and they don't care about well beyond that caring about games they don't get pussy i mean that's that that's the meanest thing in the world to say not only do you not get pussy but you are You're privileged from the pussy.

You're ISIS.

You're ISIS.

Yes, yes.

You're also, not only are you some guy that can't fuck anyone,

you are the biggest danger in society.

Right.

And you imagine just for being a loser.

Just for being the

fucking.

It's one of the meanest things.

White Palestinians are a danger because they're losers.

Let's face it.

They don't have anything, and they're going to lash out.

And like you, a white incel gamer.

Well, no, we get pussy.

Oh, you do.

Oh, no,

you guys got pussy?

I'm an extremely cool guy that was in broke.

I'm a black guy that gets pussy.

Oh, but you guys have real a lot of stuff's happened since I've been gone.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I was like, what are these two virgins gonna want to talk about?

But you've been out there.

Virgins, what do you think?

No, good for you.

I just started skateboarding a couple weeks ago.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Chicks go crazy for it.

Yeah.

No,

things are going

well.

So now.

We're drowning in.

the middle.

So the way it's different now is there's so you don't have to the regular media shit is useless and worthless.

So

now they're just posting there's plenty of big platforms for these people.

Did you see what they did to the new Sonic game?

What?

Dude, you're going to lose it.

I'll Chris Jam the fuck out of here.

You're going to lose your mind.

If his arms are the right color?

No, no, you fucking, you're not going to believe what they did to Sonic.

Oh, I believe it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, that's not even amazing.

Yeah.

It's just about time.

Okay.

It's about long overdue.

I can't believe it.

And by the way, he's not fast.

That's a colonial idea that Sonic should be running fast.

Yeah, he only runs fast when his mother throws a T V at him.

How about that for a deep cut?

When he's running out of looting a PF Chang's during the BLM times.

Oh, no, it was a Precious reference.

Remember when she did it?

No, I know.

Oh, no, I was adding another one.

Oh, okay.

But no, yes, I thought.

Of course, I know Precious.

Okay.

Of course.

Of course.

You're kind of the man who's not.

What are the best specials?

You know, that's funny.

I say that all the time.

White Precious, best special.

White Green, yeah, top five, definitely.

This gentleman.

I haven't seen the new with hell, but I hear it's very good.

Oh, he, dude, he may he goes.

I don't have Netflix, so I can't watch it.

Well, he was doing these jokes in Austin.

He probably they were new or whatever, but he goes, he was talking about he was talking about because

Deliverance, the guy from Deliverance died with no teeth, the actor.

Uh-huh.

Something James Coward or something his name is.

And he goes, you know who that is?

I'm like, hey, he's from Deliverance.

You guys are kind of young, but Deliverance was my Barbie.

He goes,

he goes,

I was in Oklahoma and I needed a root canal, but I couldn't get one because I was in Oklahoma.

He goes, and like, I don't know what the fuck is that?

You know, every life is sacred.

You ever have a back alley root canal?

Yeah.

Dude, I tell you, New Hattel special when we got Jon Stewart back on the Daily Show, boys are back in town.

Well, it's yeah, it's like there's it's it's dude I mash I love the because Jon Stewart at least like Colbert is a hell of show, but Jon Stewart at least once in a while will acknowledge Wuhan lab leak Was the how the virus have you watched any of the new daily show with Jon Stewart?

He's fun of it.

He's hosting on Mondays.

It's great.

You know what I mean great like great hell it's just what we used to love

were you a fan of the daily show back in the day or no like the Jon Stewart shows up.

You know, I actually liked Colbert better.

Me too.

Here's why.

Here's why.

But you mean the colbert report not not yeah whatever this shit but the reason was the because uh the old daily show these i don't know who the guy is but i i've been at the emmys with the right you know all the writers were there there was this one guy who was like a crazy guy that knew everything because i was like who watches the news to get these clips

and that guy went to the colbert report yeah okay so so uh but now so because i do jimmy doer show three times a week and i have ptsd every single day from like the actual news being raped by jimmy doer and also the constant rape well i i that i just look at it as he's like you gotta help hold my legs aren't working you gotta come help me with them my back's acting up just to be honest

i'm not like one of these uh zoomer churches kurt come in here my legs are acting up again look if if i i need you to wash my penis yeah

look if it was my idea to do it i don't call it a rape

i asked for it I wanted it.

I knew what I was doing.

Yeah, it's like a more of a...

You're topping from the bottom kind of situation.

Because we're covering actual real news,

when I watch somebody like Jon Stewart, who's like smart enough to know better than the dumb shit.

Like, Bill Maher doesn't know anything.

Bill Maher and Kid Rock have the same knowledge of the world as Chelsea Handler.

They're all smarter than De Niro.

De Niro,

I would watch Bill Maher asking Robert De Niro what he thinks about.

But he's Robert De Niro.

Yeah, you know.

It's like if the guy from being there, remember being there with Peter Sellers?

Yeah.

Imagine if that guy, Chauncey,

if instead of just saying gardening terms that you mistake as intelligent, he actually did try to talk about real politics.

Yeah.

And it's Bill Maher's fault for talking to him.

But Bill Maher doesn't know shit about shit.

Jon Stewart, I already know from talking to people that work for him.

So Jon Stewart,

he did that great guy.

He goes, we know it came from a lab, and Colbert got freaked out.

Jon Stewart got punished for that in a big way.

That's why he had to hang a metal on a Nazi at Disney World.

What?

You don't know this.

No.

Nobody knows anything.

They made him hang a.

Well, yeah, I don't know.

Dude, it's the funniest thing.

All I said is that he's funny.

Yeah, he's just doing a new hour.

No, no.

All I said is the daily.

But the thing is, he's good at that job.

It's not.

It would be funny if he was talking about anything that was real, but he won't.

So his jokes, dude, his fucking shit he said, because when Tucker went to Russia, which is, by the way, doing better than ever.

Thanks.

Great job, everyone.

This fuck wit goes, oh, their subway's nicer.

Yeah, ours is urinal cakes, whatever.

But that's the price of freedom.

You didn't see that?

When Tucker went to Russia or John Stewart criticizing him.

Tucker was being embarrassing, though.

He was smelling the bread and saying how much better the bread smelled.

Well, it's embarrassing because you live in a shithole called New York.

That's way worse than I've been in.

I go to the best restaurants in the world.

Russia seems like it's fucking lame to me.

Yeah, it seems like it's black and white.

Dude, I gotta tell you, I don't give a fuck about Ukraine, but also fuck Russia.

I'm not even saying this in a political sense.

I've never cared about any of them, but just like that.

Ukraine is a nice place.

Okay, look.

Here, look, let me explain real quick.

Okay.

I don't give a shit about any of them.

Okay?

Never gave a shit.

But literally every single thing, and especially Jon Stewart and the others that they talk about going on there, is completely wrong and a lie.

I mean, everything.

So if you know that it's a fucking lie and you're watching a guy you think is funny and knows shit, doesn't know anything and is going to on purpose not learn anything on a news show.

it makes me go like, fuck you.

You understand?

So that's why it's not funny to me because it's so like you're you're just what did he what did jon seward lie about though with ukraine he is why he was just making showing clips from tucker and and making jokes by the way like i'm not i have no interest in defending i'm genuinely first of all for these fucking cunts that live here to be mad that tucker talked to putin is tucker not qualified to talk to putin i don't care about that well why would they care about it did you have any idea why Because they're the bad guy

because Tucker did something.

Tucker could interview

the yellow M ⁇ M and they'd say, oh, how dare you talk to him?

He kills children sometimes.

Yeah, well, it's not just that.

It is that, though, for sure.

But also, because.

Why can't it be...

I'll answer you if you let me.

Go ahead.

Okay?

You didn't,

you know,

I don't want to compare this to Israeli invasion of something

as a Jew?

He thinks all conversation belongs to him.

No, he thinks it's his birthright.

I was just asking.

We invented talking 2000.

He thinks it's his birthright.

So

we couldn't.

We didn't know how to fall him, so we just would do it i watched the whole fucking tucker interview with putin i didn't watch it okay great so this is what a stupid this is what a fuck with especially here in new york what a fuck with country this is i watched like people talk about like oh putin starts going this long thing about history and i was like yeah of course that seems ridiculous because listen to kamala harris describe what happens well basically a larger country went to a small country and that's wrong that's a quote she said that Yep, see, exactly.

Okay.

But she's fucked up on pills all the time.

Oh, well, that makes it okay because she's the vice president and the Trump is the diet.

Because, first of all, this is a country,

I mean this.

I mean this.

But being a victim of the opiate crisis is the only ethical way to participate in American culture.

That's it.

So to have somebody in the office of the vice president that's clearly just fucked up on Vicodin 24 years.

You think it's Vicodin?

I thought it was alcohol.

I think it's pills.

I was hooked on oxycontin for four years.

30 milligrams, eight pills a day.

That's more, though.

That's more.

That's like serious drugs.

No, come on, Harrison.

She can't do anything.

Biden is dead, but he speaks better than her.

When she starts talking, it sounds like they just told her

it's a comedy movie where she has to fake she's the vice president.

You got to talk about the situation, whatever.

So we're here at the place where we are and doing the thing that we do.

Okay, thanks.

To me, that's awesome.

This is somebody that polled at what?

1%.

1%.

She failed.

She did worse than milk.

She polled at 1%.

But that's why.

She fucking still gets to be the vice president.

And then she's getting fucked up in the middle.

Why is she the vice president?

Because of forced diversity in gaming.

In gaming.

She's like a sweet baby character.

Jared Beth Dotto.

Yeah, yeah.

But there's a certain level of people being incompetent when I'm like, you know what?

Good for you.

But isn't that traditionally, besides Cheney, like the vice president?

But control those shit jobs, right?

The vice president, like they said, like Biden said her to the border, he's like, yeah, go fix that.

Ha ha ha.

Okay, well, it's kind of like, it's like mayor of New York.

No one ever likes the mayor.

Very obviously, if you watch Biden or even talk, like, oh, the president is in charge of nothing.

The only reason Trump got in, and this isn't a conspiracy, it's in Hillary's emails.

That they said on TV, don't read them.

It's like looking at their revenge porn.

If you read her emails, if you didn't look at them, you're a fucking idiot.

Unless you don't care about it, that's fine.

But if you care about,

why didn't you look at it?

You should.

You don't want to know what's in there.

Well, what's in there is uh the Pied Piper strategy.

They wanted Trump to run again.

Nobody wanted to vote for Hillary, okay, sure.

Except the kind of demented broads that freeze their eggs and live in New York.

Yeah.

We all know very spider women.

Yeah, spider women that find her inspiring, that kind of demented fucking slag.

They so so to force you the big idea was to force people to vote for Hillary because Trump is so objectionable.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, and um it backfired big time.

Yeah.

And I remember watching people flip the fuck.

And I was here when people couldn't believe Jennifer's on race wars.

Yeah, yeah.

Collection night, that was one of the, were you with us?

Oh, yeah, there's a fucking bar, and people are like, can you not speak right now?

Telling white guys that we're not allowed to speak.

Will said, like, you know what that is?

It was really funny.

It was like, there's this picture of like the French the day after the Nazis occupied France, and they're just

like in Paris, and they're just like looking at the Nazi officers, like, we have lost France.

Can we still fuck kids?

That was brooklyn what if our friends

gave like fifty dollars to a homeless black guy it was more than that it was like 200 it was insane the night he wasn't homeless he wasn't homeless no he wasn't even homeless he wasn't homeless

gave hundreds of dollars to some black guy because trump won on the street yeah and he was like oh okay and he took it and then he turned in the bar he's like no i'm not working tonight yeah so okay

employee of the bar yeah i can't even call that s'more torted that is um the the original and still the that night was the funniest night so that's stupid i kept like looking around like a Felix clock.

Like, I'm like, is this, are you guys serious?

You were smoking a cigarette outside, I remember.

So, look, there's nothing dumber than a New York liberal.

And LA used to be the dumber place by a lot.

Yeah.

It's not anymore.

I'm just here to tell you, it's not.

And the reason New York is dumber is because, you know, to live.

Well,

that's macro causing.

The reason is to live here.

I lived here for 20 years.

You lived here a while.

Sure.

To survive here, you have to just not see things in front of your face.

Yeah.

Like prison.

If you want to dry snitch by even looking too much.

So just that way of living long enough, now this is the most demented, not looking at reality time I've ever seen in New York ever.

Last night I'm sitting there with Che and those SNL people.

They're like uncomfortable talking about the P.

Diddy charges.

Okay.

They don't, we're talking about that bridge thing.

They don't know anything and it's inconvenient if you bring up a fact Yeah, that's like they got to quick make a joke and stomp on it.

You say, like, people are just looking down, like, when they see, like, someone jacking off on the subway, they're just like, dude, it's like my old joke where I was like, I'm going to make eye contact.

The guy was fisting his own asshole.

And I'm like, whoop, don't do that again.

Like,

did I ever tell you at the time, one of the best homeless guy experiences I had in New York, is I was on one platform.

I don't know, maybe it was Bowery or something.

It was one where it was just long, like Second Avenue, I think.

I think that would be it.

And you know how

the stairs are?

It's like a big rectangle.

I went to the end of the platform.

It was like 2 a.m.

I go to the end of the platform, and nobody's, you know, it's like almost completely empty, the platform.

I'm just walking because I've got to wait 30 minutes of the train.

I go to the end of the platform, I get around where the stairs are, and it's an unused stairwell.

And there's a homeless guy just completely naked.

But his clothes aren't like,

he's just a nude guy.

Are they back in the tunnel?

I was going to say, where did you come from?

How did you get it?

Yeah, I mean,

you would almost call it.

It's like a classic.

I need your hat and your glasses and your shoes.

Give me your Avor X jacket.

Yeah.

So that's like a classic New York story, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

But now that we're...

Now we're in the end times, foretold of in Ghostbusters, and

having not lived in New York for a while, it makes me realize, like, okay, it was already crazy when I was living here.

But now,

the amount that people are in denial, you're going to, do you remember that one fucking, that chick that looked like Pat and Oswald screaming that became a meme when Trump was...

Yeah, that was very funny.

dude Way do you see these fucking people because Trump by the way unless they assassinate him is gonna win Yeah, there's no reason you should lose to Trump.

He was the candidate to force you, but they suck so bad at what they do that it's now

we can a Bernie for people for people to not act like Biden But what his age isn't it's not his fucking age His brain doesn't fucking work.

Well, that's what John the first episode of the New Daily show

He got in trouble for it.

So so every time so this is what I resent and I already know people people write for him.

My friend writes for Bill Maher, and I get, I'm, because I'm dying to know, are you stupid or lying?

Like, I just want to know.

Jon Stewart got in trouble for the ceremony.

It was the Warrior Games held at Disney World and different veterans of things.

And a brave Ukrainian fighter from the Yazov Battalion happened to be in the Warrior Games.

Oh, okay.

Oh, that's the Nazi

guys over here.

Because

Operation Paperclip never ended.

So the guys, so this isn't like a Nazi like you are for your trolling.

This is a literal Nazi.

Okay, this is a literal Nazi with the black son of Himmler's SS

on his own.

So he's wearing a...

Black, black R logo.

He's wearing a red sleeve to cover the Nazi tattoo when he Jon Stewart.

Mickey Mouse is standing there.

Jon Stewart comes and puts the metal on him.

And that's like my favorite.

And that should be one of the biggest stories.

That's your moment of Zen.

And that's your moment of Zen of Zen.

I wish I thought of that at the time, but I will be saying that.

That's why he's the king this time.

That's your moment of Zen.

That's your moment of Zen.

And so, like...

But what I mean is, why do we keep, like, it's...

Why do we keep doing that?

Because you live in the Fourth Reich.

We want you to do a...

Yeah, but I mean, the optics of inviting a Ukrainian fighter over here, considering how

stupid that issue is.

If you're invited to event and say, you're going to put a medal on a guy who's part of the, you know...

I mean, Azob Battalion.

The ADL.

Any of them.

I wondered how that could be as well.

Just don't risk it.

The piece of shit from the ADL announced, oh, yeah, they used to be Nazis, but they're good now.

The Azovs.

Yeah, well, it's not just Azovs.

It's the most, the people who like Stepan Bandera.

That's their Nazi George Washington.

Who's that?

The hero of Western Ukraine, the non-Russian-speaking part.

He's also Nazi.

Yes, they were responsible for the bullet holocaust of that guy, Yugoslav Hunko.

The bullet holocaust is where the Ukrainian Nazis killed so many Poles and Jews by making them dig their grave and killing them.

They were stoked.

They had horrified Goebbels.

He goes, we got to get gas and do it humane.

That's how disgusting these people are.

It's not everyone in Ukraine, obviously, but all the people

who have weapons too.

There are guys that are like, oh, sick.

So they're like Al-Qaeda.

You know how we armed all the terrorists that we armed him and created jobs, I guess you could say.

Sure, sure.

That's my favorite.

My favorite.

If you scroll up, look at this part.

This is my favorite.

Look at the real.

He's in the hospital.

Look at him like a make-a-wish kid if the kid was a Nazi.

Oh, yeah, he does have the tattoo on.

He's like, Look how great that is.

Mickey Mouse.

Oh, no, I love the Mickey Mouse.

So when the war st when people were like, We gotta go help Ukraine, like, Peace Corps people.

Yeah, yeah.

Black people that went, they get a pair of like, so you know, they're gonna be using the N-word a lot at you and not like with an A on the end.

Like you guys are boys.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, get the fuck away from you.

Don't touch, don't get that up on my kit.

Like, it's such a hilarious joke.

Well, Well, the first thing everyone was told is that their president was Jon Stewart and also a Jew.

Well, then when the war started, they were like,

they have a comedian that's the daily show.

He's the daily show president.

That's why you know Jon Stewart's fucking phony beast.

But anyway, people would say that to me.

But Jon Stewart wasn't going around saying that.

He wasn't like, this guy's me.

Yeah, yeah.

No, but Jon Stewart was going around acting like this is not, we didn't waste all $300 billion

that we gave to Nazis who then, and the weapons, only 30% of them got there, according to CBS.

They had to pull it down because they're going to keep it down right now.

And then all of a sudden those weapons go through Africa.

Oh, and they go to the Houthis.

And so morons here will go, oh, Russia and Iran.

No, it wasn't Russia and Iran.

It was your own dumb fuckwit.

So Stewart should know this.

He should be on top of it as a guy that talks about news.

What do the Houthis have, hypersonic missiles?

They have stuff that we sent to Ukraine

that Ukraine sold off most of it because it's the the most corrupt country in Europe.

It's their fault the war started.

We made them do it, though.

Zielinski, when I bring this up, I have a dim wit go, but Zelensky's Jewish.

And a comedian.

Oh, yeah.

Well, how silly.

He's Jewish.

Obviously, they're not not.

Will Smith can't be gay.

He's married.

He's gay?

Yeah, he's gay.

But like, nobody knows what a beard is.

He's a Jewish beard for the Nazis there.

And by the way, the war's gone.

The average age of the infantry is 50 years old.

They've been grabbing people, retarded people off the streets.

You can see the video that we cover it.

Really?

If you're a guy who's got a deferment or whatever, a guy van comes from the movie Hostel.

So that's why this guy likes Mickey Mouse so much.

Yeah.

Think about that.

Well, he likes Mickey Mouse.

It was Walt Disney's dream for a Jew to give a Nazi a medal at this point while Mickey Mouse proud.

He would love it.

It was Walt Disney.

I would love that.

So in that way, it's good.

If this guy's mentally disabled, I mean, can you really say he's like a Nazi?

So then we covered Jon Stewart interviewing Hillary and Condoleezza Rice.

And I know for a fact.

Oh, I remember this one, yeah.

Yeah, he didn't want to do that, but I think it's his pen and app, you know, once they give you the 50 million, there's a reason Chappelle ran to Africa.

You get the 50 million, they don't tell you what you got to say, but

you're going to do your best to not touch anything.

Like I got to go on, when I went to Guffel last time, I had an LGBTQ CIA shirt that a fan made,

and everybody was weird.

He's like, what is that?

And I go, this stands for for Confident, Intelligent Azov Battalion.

Okay?

And he didn't draw attention.

He didn't tell me I can't wear whatever.

The pageant contestant that was sitting next to me, she goes, oh my God, that's so funny.

My boyfriend's in the CIA, and they're so woke.

So she got the joke.

The rest of them were like, hey, it was after Tucker got fired.

Tucker was fired for doing good work.

If he was still doing the work that dipshits like Jon Stewart think he's doing, he'd be at Fox.

I didn't think he got fired just because they were spending too much money on him and they thought they could pivot the news.

No, I know why he did.

It's not for that.

That's what I'm saying.

This is like New York stupid.

Don't you think he just would...

No, you live in a shithole and you know nothing.

And then what did he get fired for?

Because it wasn't fired.

For telling the truth about Ukraine.

What did he say about Ukraine that wasn't represented on other shows on Fox News?

They're losing.

They're Nazis.

We shouldn't send them any money.

Every single thing that's true about Ukraine, you're not supposed to say, especially on Fox News.

Also, anything with vaccine related,

you know, brought to you by Pfizer on commercials, so that's why, and the reason, I didn't know this, the reason that the drugs advertise on TV here, because, you know, there's like an old joke of like, shouldn't the doctor tell you?

And no other country does that?

Well, the reason for that, which I found out from Dr.

Drew when he came on, is so that the news channels know not to investigate them ever.

Just like on anybody, like,

you know some bad shit about the snack service, you know.

And so that's, the whole system is run on that.

There is literally no, like you joking about, yeah, it's funny.

Yeah, you're right.

But there's people here that think it's real still, and they think it's real to the point that they're going to be brokenhearted, and they're not going to be able to figure out, again, how Trump won.

Trump should never have won.

You haven't figured out why he won?

Because these people are Hamas, basically.

They're deplorable.

When Palestinians forced, they've made them vote.

They didn't even want to vote.

They voted for Hamas.

Israel put them in a concentration camp as a punishment for voting wrong.

here in America.

Uh-huh.

I didn't vote, but all these people who made the wrong choice, they are Hamas, and they've been getting punished.

That's why Star Wars was ruined.

My theory is they're like, oh, you wanted a Star Wars you like?

Well, we wanted Hillary to be president.

And we had our expectations subverted.

So I guess everybody's getting their expectations.

That's actually...

When was Star Wars ruined?

Because in my perception, Star Wars is all of its gay.

No, no, no.

And or is really gay.

It's always gay.

Yeah, right.

No, no, no.

It was all fun.

You should see Andor, the new one.

They were like, hey, you want some coffee?

I'm like, I'm out.

What's it?

You have coffee.

Fuck you.

No, it was always gay.

It was always Dune for less intelligent people and children.

Did you see the new one?

No, I'm going to.

I saw it.

I saw it on Sunday.

Yeah.

It was fire.

Yeah.

And so the Luke Skywalker had already been deconstructed before he was even invented yet by the guy that wrote Dune.

But there's no Messiah figure.

It's not what you...

That was already done more intelligently.

George Lucas, like,

let's be charitable, so he tarantinoed the shit out of me.

Yeah, yeah, Frank Herbert.

And so, like, but the, the, and, and, uh, George Lucas, the prequels are his low-T years, so they suck.

We like them.

Well, yeah, like, the prequels are actually kind of

better when some nerd is explaining them to me than actually watching them.

But the new ones were deliberately made

deliberately because they want to destroy the things they think white males feel empowered by, and they did it intentionally, and that's why everything's like, oh, and now it's so grotesquely always like a woman comes in and tells a guy to shut up, then beats him up.

Like, so that's all the movies.

I've watched one of them, I think it was the first one of the new ones, and it's like there is absolutely not a single scene in that movie where you're gonna sit there and be like, oh, okay, well, here's what's gonna happen next.

And then the next scene.

It's like, it's I know, I fell asleep.

I fell asleep.

It's exactly what you would expect out of.

Yeah, it's like written by a computer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it was written by J.J.

Abrams Shit Factory.

And then the next one was the guy,

the guy who made Glass Onion.

What's this?

Ryan Johnson.

The Ryan Johnson one.

Where they had to put, I think an Asian broad knit is actually attractive in real life.

Did you ever see Brick?

I like Brick.

Brick's great.

I thought it would be good because I like Brick.

Yeah.

He has another one that I like.

Kiss, Kiss Bangman.

No, Brick, is he Kiss Kiss Bangman?

He's Brick Looper.

Oh, Looper is good.

It was decent, but Brick was like, I really like Brick.

Who's

there's another movie that's like a

super low-budget sci-fi movie about two guys that invent a cloning machine.

Yeah, that uh a time machine or cloning machine?

No, no, no.

Uh oh, not the time machine.

Oh, they're cloning themselves from going in the box and coming out.

And they, yeah, they have a storage.

Time machine.

Yeah, that's a good movie.

Uh, it's that guy who's from Austin, right?

That's actually what's his name.

It's not cloning, it's because they keep going back in time and fucking.

There's two of them because they see and then they're knocking themselves out and shit.

Yeah, that's a good movie.

That movie's so good.

Yeah, that movie's great.

I like the one.

Why did that guy like work after that?

He made two good movies.

Well, take a wild guess.

White's male, Israel.

He was dead man's name?

Jon Stewart.

Jon Stewart?

Yeah, so I used to think John, Trevor, I thought, this is my cynical, I get a little cynical, you know.

I used to think Jon Stewart purposely picked Trevor Noah to like cut that horse face so no one could have her again the way he did the show.

You know, he'll never be better than Jon Stewart because of Trevor Noah.

I said that to Attel.

I was like, oh, that's some like 40 power.

And Attila goes, no.

He just was like, you know, he's a liberal guy and he really genuinely want.

And I'm like, well, why do you pick a black guy from America?

Why is he picking?

Yeah.

Because he's a society fucking.

That's why James Corden made it over here.

Because rich people go, the same as the Roman Empire.

They all like countries that aren't their country.

They hate the people in their country.

And they're like, there's plenty of black.

Dude, a black guy just got out of prison probably knows more about politics than Jon Stewart because they're locked down and read.

And Trevor Noah.

They put him in prison?

Trevor Noah is the smartest guy in the dumbest room,

which I can't tell you.

I I think he's pretty smart.

He's alright.

I think he's a funny comic.

I think he's a funny comic, too.

Do you think Trevor Noe is a funny comic?

Before the Daily Show, I doesn't know what it is.

That's what I'm talking about.

I saw him at shows.

Yeah, I think

in New York, he's been pretty funny.

The problem with him on the Daily Show is like,

I mean, I've said it before, but it's like if you put me on a politics show in France, I mean, I'd be like, sure, I'll take the fucking money.

Well, that's a major...

I don't give a fuck.

Dude, that is, first and foremost, number one.

Was he just taking jobs Americans don't want?

What the fuck?

Like, why are you telling me anything about here, man?

Like, get the the fuck out.

Yeah.

I would never dream of going to someone's country and lecturing them.

It might be fun.

That would be hilarious.

If I could go into politics.

Well, now you deserve to.

Yeah, you guys are gay.

Oh, you know what?

Okay, look.

Look, never mind.

Jon Stewart stinks.

What my favorite, I'm emotionally attached to this.

The conspiracy of Macron in France and his wife is a man.

You know what I mean?

Well, his wife is.

This is every politician.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But this is why this is great.

They said Michelle Obama was a man, too, right?

I don't believe believe it.

But this is why this one's great.

Yeah.

So because it was his teacher, right?

He was looking for the penis.

Yes.

They're always looking for the penis.

Wait, wait.

Yeah.

No, I know.

This one, why this one's special to me is like they sued, and they're like, oh, these terrible conspiracies.

Their real story is she was a 40-something-year-old teacher.

Like Mary Kayla Turno, who raped a boy, according to American standards.

They say 15, but he was 14.

And she was way older, but they lied.

That's what the conspiracy is lying about, their ages.

and um and then so married marie kills you imagine they became the rulers of france after like after you rape a student he becomes president of france and you're the first lady

so the thing that they're worried about is like oh hey don't say crazy things about our perfectly normal relationship like if if she was trans that's the probably the best thing about them right yeah yeah yeah that's my favorite part dude is like not the fucking uh but it's pretty pimp that he fucked his teacher i mean we all wanted that right now she's a man now oh but now she's

not it's not as pimp also also he's 14 even by French standards it's a bit young 14 no 14 is a bit old by French standards yeah how about you do reduce he's over there my girlfriend goes well it's France I go what like is that where they give the children wine well I mean that's where they like Woody Allen and and Roman Plansky and Roan Plansky are are big heroes because they get it out there but Woody Allen I don't think that he's a pedophile at all because he's still married to the fucking Asian.

We had a big fight, I remember, in the Schumer Writer's Room because Amy made a lot of money.

He's not a pedophile at all.

He it was legal for him to have sex with her.

She was a brother.

She was of it.

Yeah, nobody.

It seems like you're accusing people of being a pedophile.

But look,

look,

you joke.

Look, you ta you joke, and it's funny.

But that literally describes everyone in New York talking about anything.

I don't really know what I'm talking about.

I'm going to confidently say something, and I'm going to get uncomfortable if you tell me what the actual thing is.

I feel like I would be doing this even if I lived in Texas.

In fact, I was.

I'm not targeting you.

I'm telling you, people that work on news shows, like at the Daily Show or Bill Martin, I can't believe how stupid they are.

And they're stupid on purpose.

Yeah.

Like, if you bring up, you know, like Haiti, for example, like, they'll all gleefully tell you, oh, the cannibalism.

Now, think all these BLM motherfuckers that were like, oh, Black Lives Matter.

Well, I guess in Haiti they don't, huh?

Because it's totally cool to be racist at them.

Because the Clinton Foundation fucked their lives up after

What happened in Haiti?

Oh, that was...

The earthquake.

That's our government.

That's our God.

That's the same thing for 200 years.

So you're quick.

Here's some fun facts that blow my mind.

A good piece of peace.

They had a democratic revolution, right?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Someone stopped.

Hold on.

So the only successful slave revolt in human history.

Right, yeah, yeah.

And they had to pay reparations to France for not being slaves, and they had to pay those reparations until 1985.

God damn.

And Chase Bank is the one who mediated that and got a nice thing.

Chase Bank that won't work with Kanye West facilitated reparations for slavery for not being slaves.

They had to buy their freedom, you mean?

Yes, and so slave, wait, this is the best part.

We've been fucking them, you know, because I was like, well, what do they have, oil or something?

Oh, they got all kinds of, they got rare earth elements.

Also, we use them for labor.

You know how China and the Cheng Uyghurs are being?

Well, all of our companies, Disney, Nike, they have Haitian slave labor.

In fact,

the last time we invaded Haiti, when Hillary was in charge, it was because they were protesting to get a 37 cent raise on their piddly thing, and Levi's and all of them were like, we can't have that.

You didn't hear sh- oh, oh, Haiti's a shithole.

Well, we make it that way on purpose.

It's America's fault 100%.

It's fucked.

I mean, Gaza's bad.

And we're going to get Kenya to invade them now.

And everything you hear about it's a lie.

To invade Haiti?

Yeah.

It's going to be a difficult

well it's better than us having to do it they have different uniforms okay yeah yeah no you it's you it's optics you got to get black people to go I swear to God

when people talk about Ukraine this is how a smart person talks about it you know someone I should think is good they go well it's really you know we want we need to weaken Russia no idea why by the way we but we need to weaken Russia by the way we didn't they're better than ever now great job we need to weaken Russia and we don't have to fight you know because we lost those last two and just don't talk about it.

And our old weapons we can just give them to fight and it'll weaken Russia.

Don't you think the reason though that it's stuck that way is because like the

apparatus of foreign policy is this large kind of massive thing that doesn't move and it can't ever really deal with the idea of multipolarity.

Like there's never going to be any kind of foreign policy.

Yes,

you can't taper off a Ponzi scheme.

You've got to keep it going to absurdity.

And also don't they just like the enemy because our entire

Our foreign policy infrastructure is based around the idea of being just one big superpower.

That's exactly right.

So it's like, well, of course, yeah, we have to go.

By the way, Rosebud Baker was there last night, and I go, your grandfather was James Baker?

Because I had heard that.

Yeah.

This is the irony of somebody on SNL.

Same tits, by the way.

Yeah, but her grandfather was the guy that promised Russia we weren't going to expand NATO.

I meant to ask her.

I bet a Paul would have fallen over the table.

Your grandfather was the one who promised Russia.

She's cool about that shit.

I want to ask her.

No, but not because she's not cool, because talking about the truth about Ukraine or something is a big no-no.

And they, even if they don't know anything about it, they don't even want to talk about the P-Diddy thing that is hilarious.

Well, that's crazy, especially for comedians.

To talk about P.

Diddy.

No, to not want to talk about that.

That's what I'm talking about.

Ukraine isn't that funny, but P.

Diddy, that's that's it.

But the P Diddy thing, that's almost like

Yeah, it's hacked already.

It's not hacked, but it is something like where it's like, oh, I don't know if I can eat another Reese's egg.

Yeah, yeah.

My stomach hurts.

That's not why they're not talking about it.

It's too comedically rich.

You know how I know it's not why?

I think about Puff Daddy and Cubic Gooding Jr.

dressed as radio raping people.

And I'm like, can I really bring anything to the table here?

Yeah.

Oh, dude, we made on did I ever show you the talk down that news show where where it's celebrity news, but celebrities telling you the news

with Sly and Kirp and

They Solve the Middle Earth.

Did I ever show that?

And so Kyle was like flighty with ideas, but the next one, we recorded it.

It was Bill Gates, because he does Bill Gates, because Bill Gates is so creepy, and Worm Buffett.

And Sly, you know, it's a celebrity pretending he's a newsman.

Yeah, yeah.

And he goes, well, the talk down roundtable crossfire.

And he had Bill Gates,

he just took money from the Bill and his ex-wife, Melinda Gates Foundation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was was like, I don't know if you should have died.

What?

You can't be objective?

So he has Bill Gates on Warren Buffett, and they both start sexually harassing me.

And so this is a while ago.

And Warren Buffett's like, hey, Kurt,

you want to come to Flavor Camp?

They keep trying to take me to Flavor Camp.

So nobody was saying.

So Kyle, because like everyone else, he doesn't know anything about the news.

He's like fucking genius to write.

Yeah, I feel like I don't know anything either.

No, but okay.

It makes you a crazy person to know something.

It makes you a crazy person.

Kind of, yeah.

Because that's how fucking retarded America is you're more propagandized than North Korea and you have a North Korea in your pocket that's spying on you all day

But North Korea they're losers because they do it the old-fashioned way like listening through the wall with a fucking thing like

It's already whatever the fascist thing you hear of these fucking imbeciles We're gonna lose our democracy if Trump wins

We lost it 20 years ago

Guantanamo is still open Yeah,

I mean even on an aesthetic level, let's say democracy only exists as, like, uh, you know, an illusion.

Don't you think we can also have that taken away?

It it is.

But no, it's not, because we still ostensibly have an election.

They just tried to take Trump off the ballot and like now th didn't succeed.

This has become a a roadrunner cartoon now, which I am so entertained by.

Because I like I they all these fucking dipshit liberals, they're like wa order their shit from Acme all the time, I guess, and and they they can't believe it.

Rocket roller skids.

Yeah, they can't believe it.

And then as the the obvious, that everything's a lie that you think, which is what you should have guessed, but all the poor people know.

They all know.

And you're going to watch them get more and more like, Bill Maher is my favorite.

Bill Maher can't believe it.

Oh, Jon Stewart, that dumb fuck.

He's talking about, you know, that non-crime that they convicted Trump of with his fucking inflating the value of his mar-a-lago?

That Letitia, you know, the TSA bitch that they got as DA and that child fucking molester looking judge.

I don't know the news anymore.

So Jon Stewart is sitting here, a guy that knows stuff with a straight face, talking about the rule of law for a thing that, by the way, he didn't inflate his number one.

Even if he did, that's how all the real estate works.

So it's not a crime.

The bank investigated his claims when he said the value.

They were happy with it.

They made a lot of money and they would work with him again.

So there's literally, this is some al Capone shit.

I hope at least people are aware of that.

No, Jon Stewart.

Well, rule of law.

So then it comes out the next day that Jon Stewart inflated the price of his apartment to sell it.

Oh, yeah, I see.

Because that's, by the way, how New York real estate works, you fucking return.

Yes, so Kevin Leary from Shark Tank is on CNN.

The reporter he's talking to is a lawyer, and this bitch isn't stupid.

She knows better.

So she's just a liar.

But he goes, I'm not going to do business in New York ever the fuck again.

Kathy Hochl, that horse-tooth governor, it looks like she's doing an impression of Mickey Rooney from Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I'm pretty sure that just is Andrew Cuomo.

Who?

Kathy Hochl.

I think that that's Andrew Cuomo.

Well, I think that's Kathy Hochl goes, guys.

I think Andrew Cuomo just put a wig on.

So she goes, she tweets that.

It's me.

I'm a different person.

No, he would never.

He's smart.

Another friend of the show, also another friend of the show.

Andrew Cuomo's better than her.

She's a fucking person.

I love him.

So fucking, she's tweeting.

Don't worry.

Like, she's trying to make a tweet of like, yes, this looks really like somebody is in business if you're going to another country to invest and they pull shit like this, you don't invest there.

so she's panicked going oh like basically we're just doing this one time for this one guy so you don't have to worry she putting up tweets like that and business people money is the thing that matters they're not going to take the word of a dipshit bucktooth governor you're now a third world fucking city that it's not safe to invest in which by the way good the reason rent's so high is because goddamn foreign investors bought up all the real estate Tim Dylan explained to me I didn't even know yeah people aren't even living in

it's all of them Well, it was initially Russia and then the Chinese.

So then the Gulf god.

Yeah, so every stupid fucking Democrat

that you watch, like Jon Stewart, they're all neoliberal, which is a neocon, but with wokeness.

They're all like, can't believe that,

because things are going fine for them.

So they can't believe, and Bill Maher's my favorite because I just watch it.

Every new rules is fucking dumber and dumber than the last one.

And he goes, there's plenty of jobs.

White people don't want to work.

But these young people think they don't have to work.

No, Bill,

it's called ghost jobs.

It's not like ghost guns.

After the pandemic, it's an easy thing to look up.

It's not hidden information.

After the pandemic, companies started putting fake job listings out because their employees are overworked.

They tell them, no, we got people coming.

That's one reason.

Then you have what they call a warm talent pool.

So you have all these resumes.

So when your employees get sick, you know, like Amazon, they cycle you out.

Yeah, yeah.

And then the main reason is it inflates the price of the stock to go, whoa, we have to hire people.

We can't even find people.

All the numbers are fake.

So when you watch, I watch idiots go, the economy's great.

Why isn't the term Bidenomics working?

Well, because you have to be a fucking rich idiot to think that the economy is great, but it's the depression.

In fact, in LA, you ever see pictures of the depression where the people are outside a tin shack?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't look as good as that.

It doesn't look as good.

It looks like Calcutta.

Unemployment is probably about 25% or higher in real numbers.

They've been faking the numbers.

Now, people,

you shouldn't have to look this up to know that's true.

I don't know how people, but because this is a city you live in where you just don't see things to get by,

it lends itself to pretending to never seeing reality.

And that's why all these dumb girls that you know that you probably have to deal with, that sex in the city ruined a generation of them.

We love them.

We only hang out with each other.

There's nobody else in my life.

Who said you're getting pussy.

We get pussy, but we don't talk.

We get, dude.

We get pussy.

I got to go do Gutfeld and

like...

I love this, dude.

Usually we don't go this long.

I know.

But knowing that this is not...

But I skipped out on Ian's

previous video.

I feel like I haven't even had to work today.

Knowing that this prevented Ian from getting a podcast episode out, I couldn't feel it.

Let's give it up.

Okay, so just prediction, so you know, I can't imagine, it's getting very desperate now.

Yeah, so there's gonna be a lot more censorship on the meta-owned platforms.

There's gonna be like on X, Elon, because even billionaires don't know anything.

Yo, I told you I'm off.

So I can't, I had no access to it.

That's why I went.

Look, I was going through that for fucking after, I don't know if you remember the whole media tried to ruin my life.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

It turns out that means you love rape if you say maybe there should be, you know, due process and not social media court of the dumbest chits you'll ever live.

Charlie Rose got his.

It was all worth it for Charlie Rose.

I deeply enjoyed it.

But then after that,

so I like, I'll never have like a guild job ever again.

No, I'm not complaining at all.

I'm so happy.

I would never want to have to write for the fucking daily.

Any of this shit.

When I saw how stupid, and Mike Shea, like, I think that guy is fucking a great comic, okay?

Yeah.

That makes me sad to see.

They used to call it the golden handcuffs, where like, oh, you don't read.

You're a smart guy.

All of you are smart and don't read on purpose because how's that gonna help your career?

The same as like the third rail of American politics, which I have never, why would I ever look into that?

I dated an Israeli girl for 10 years.

I know I don't wanna be involved in sword nose issues, right?

I know fucking that no good could come of it.

I assume it's so complicated, right?

But now the beautiful thing's happening.

Because it's so brutal what they're doing over there and you can't hi and we've had wokeness for 10 years.

We've had wokeness for, what, 10 years?

And Israel has, they're in 1980, 44 in their head forever.

So what happens is the Israelis.

They stopped spending money on it.

They saw the writing on the wall in 2014, and there's no Hasbara money for social media anymore.

That's why all this stuff, all the propaganda that comes out from Israel directed at the internet, it all speaks to the sounds.

Eventually, it sounds like a seamless ad from 10 years ago.

And it's because they just stopped investing in it.

That's very interesting.

10 years ago, they realized the writing's on the wall, like, we're not going to win young people anymore.

We're not even going to outreach the young Jews.

In fact, we're going to go fully hard on Christian evangelicals, which is their base in America.

That's very interesting.

I didn't know that.

Well, that's the story.

Okay, wait, wait, no, no, hold on, hold on.

That's part of it.

That's actually a chunk that was missing at you guys gaming.

So the TikTok ban, which is specifically my favorite.

I said this on Rogan where you showed the thing.

That's because of Matt Wright.

No, it's.

They're trying to bring a young brother.

I'm going to forget what I'm talking about.

So here's the thing.

The reason people have just now, I didn't know anything about Israel.

Well, one, the Jew Norman Finkelstein, told me, and explained it away.

We had him on the show.

I love that fucking guy.

I love him.

Did you talk to him?

Yeah.

I wish I was.

Dude, he destroyed that cut.

Let me explain something to you.

And he did.

And he did.

Wait.

So I didn't know that he was.

Hold on, hold on.

Wait a second, Mr.

Speaker.

He's Jewish, though?

Wait a second.

Finkelstein.

Yeah.

Are you fucking with me?

He's fucking with you.

I didn't think he was.

I thought it was Ray Auschwitz.

I don't know.

We had him on our show.

He's a self-hating Jew.

You mean all the Jews I've ever met in America?

Anyway, he goes up.

What's the point of being Jewish?

So TikTok, here's what happens.

So all the kids are the biggest queefy fucking pride flag generation in history.

When you see Israeli officials, the only reason I know it's crimes is because the Israel.

That thing makes sense now.

Israeli officials would show up on American news and English and British news, and they're like somebody's embarrassing immigrant parent that doesn't know not to say the F-sler and shit.

And

so here's how naive I am.

I'm on Jimmy's show.

The next story that's coming up is Israeli ambassador to UK Dresden.

So what I think it's going to be is she goes, how dare you compare what we're doing to Dresden?

We're defending our country.

No.

She comes on to go,

you know, Dresden?

We have to do Dresden.

The firebombing?

The thing that's a deliberate crime?

People wouldn't care about it if it weren't for Kurt Vonnegut.

I wouldn't know about it if it's not for Kurt Vonnegut.

It's true.

But

Everyone knows Hiroshima.

They say that too.

They don't.

They say that.

Remember Hiroshima?

And Nagasaki?

First of all, we did that at the end of the war.

We didn't do it in the first two weeks.

Also, atomic bombs were new.

What are we going to not try them?

Yeah, who are we going to try them?

We thought it was safe because they kind of had their eyes closed already.

It was science.

I would be mad.

I would be more mad to live in a world if you told me we invented the sickest bomb of all time and we didn't at least try it on them.

Do you know why we did that?

By the way, you know they warned, they dropped warnings on them?

No, they didn't.

We didn't warn them.

We didn't have to do it.

Even the first one, they did it to show Russia a thing or two.

First, they want to test the altitude, how it would work on those planes, because we already did Dresden.

Why not kill more?

Then the second one was to let good old Uncle Joe know America's got this bomb.

And it worked so well that the Soviets had the same bomb within a couple years.

It was such a great plan.

Well, they had a guy at Los Alamos the entire time.

They had a spy there that just fucking.

I mean, that's why Russia.

By the way, good.

I'm like, we're not going to get any scientists to figure this out.

We'll just put a spy in their program.

No, they actually don't spend any of the money.

They just fucking.

Well, that was for that.

But as a matter of fact, no, they had, because they treated their German scientists that they were able to get, they treated them like scumbags that they were.

And we put them on the Disney Channel.

You know, we brought them in here and put them on Disney.

They're buried in

the sky.

There's a Nazi channel.

The Timber Sky is a movie about a little boy from West Virginia who idolizes a Nazi.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So funny, Von Braun.

Yeah, so we, like, everybody knows, oh, we wanted the scientists where the commies get them, right?

Yeah, yeah.

It wasn't just the scientists, we brought terrorists over, too, so they could go terrorize socialist countries, which, by the way, by socialists, they just had healthcare.

Was paperclip negotiated at Potsdam?

Is that where that happened?

Was that

I don't know.

Okay.

I just know that they did it.

So

there's a monke Karen where her hometown Elkins Park, there's a fucking Ukrainian Nazi monument that people were defa recently.

I don't know if she's aware of it.

She probably has no idea.

Yeah, because there's a lot of Ukrainians there.

Remember the deer hunter?

Yeah, but that's Western PA.

I know, but there's Ukraine after the war, we brought tons of Nazis here.

The bitch, Trudeau's side, Vice, whatever they call their stupid government.

That bitch is friends.

The reason they had that old Nazi is because her family's friends.

They're called Banderaites the they're the you the ones that made it illegal to speak Russian Yiddish Armenian before the the the uh the war that was America so they have al-Qaeda terrorists that are Nazis that we armed we wanted Russia to invade we wanted them to do that that's why we kept provoking them by bombing the Donbass region half the country speaks Russian so They signed uh they signed the Minsk Agreement.

It's already come out.

They said, yeah, we just signed it, but we built up arms arms because we knew we couldn't trust Putin.

There's always, we knew we couldn't trust Putin, so we broke the deal first.

Well, it sounds like you can't trust you.

Well, it sounds like, I mean, the most logical thing in my mind is that we just ended the Afghanistan war, but we needed to still sell weapons, right?

This isn't a Jew joke.

You're right, is what I'm saying.

I'm not making anti-Semitic noses.

What do you mean, but your nose is pretty big?

Bingo.

I'm saying bingo.

Bingo steam.

Your nose is pretty much as big as mine.

I know.

That's why I have to back Jews to a certain degree because if the roundups happen, I'm going.

They're going to put Woody Allen glasses on my face and measure my eyebrows to nose ratio.

Your name sounds like.

If I have Adam's glasses, I'd become very out of light.

Please ask me, he's like, if the Holocaust happened, you hide me.

And my answer is yes, but I would make it as uncomfortable as possible.

Yeah, he would make it.

You think you're getting a secret annex?

No, Nick.

You put him in the attic and tell him he has to be quiet, but he doesn't have to be.

No, come on.

Just be quiet.

No, there's no Nazis.

I just don't like that.

You could do like a construction project.

It'd be nice for you.

And you could change the cause Americans to Sedan Trump.

This comic Hugh Fink,

I think his name is Hugh Fink, he was telling me that he knew a guy who knew Anne Frank from the days of.

It's a lie, dude.

No,

no, no, wait, listen.

No, it's a famous person.

Oh, okay.

And those are the story he goes here.

I was friends with Anne Frank.

Listen,

I swear to God, I'm getting this along.

He goes, he goes, I can't remember the name of the guy.

It's a famous guy.

And the guy said to Hugh Finkers, you know, I knew Anne Frank.

She wasn't a very nice person.

And he goes, and Hugh Fank's like, dude, I mean, you won.

Let it go.

Well, she got hers.

Yeah, right.

That was a funny ass story.

But anyway, do you see the thing of you're like,

here's how New York trains you to think, is

someone's telling a story.

I'm not saying everybody does this.

I do it, but you're going to anticipate where they're going and jump in and do a thing.

Not a, I don't mean a joke.

I mean a thing of like,

oh, I know where this argument's going.

And that's how everybody thinks non-stop.

And in other places,

because you're saying this is only New York people do this it's a certain specific city liberal but and here's the difference why

LA because LA is a shithole don't don't get me wrong but because it's so such a driving place yeah this is like uh everybody lives on top of each other where you have to deliberately ignore shit and noises and whatever and that's how I think it got to that my impression of LA is that people have gotten very good at waiting for their turn to speak so that's maybe you're just interpreting that and they're not listening to a word you're saying it could it could be it could be.

If you're not preempting an argument, then they're at least engaging with you.

And then you're going to say they're never right?

They're not engaging with you.

Well, it depends.

Look, sometimes they're engaging.

Like I said, I'm not saying you're doing that.

You say whatever you want, but I mean, people, I went on to this Sitchin Adams show because they wanted to talk to me, Dave Smith, and Jimmy about Ukraine

in the beginning, which, by the way, I knew they were losing the whole time.

They have never been winning.

They could never have won.

The whole reason was to blow up that pipeline, which we blew up.

You know the Nord Stream 2 pipeline?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The largest man-made release ever since.

Sy Hirsch blew the whistle on it.

To this day, yeah, to this day, I'll say that, and people go, Attel and fucking Ian.

And they're like, there's no, Ukraine did that.

No, they didn't.

Ian said that?

Ian and Attel.

Ian's one of the smartest people I know.

Attel's one of the smartest people I know.

No, I'm driving.

Ian's pretty stupid.

Well, I don't know him that well, but Attel, I know, is very smart.

But he still would believe him.

I didn't realize how many people watch MSNBC or Fox.

The only thing Nord Stream is when you pay a Swedish guy to piss on your face.

He mentioned that, yeah.

So think about that.

You have them talking to you about climate change, like, and you're going to have to stop eating meat.

If it's, like, I always believed in it, now I don't.

I was in a doomsday cult that predicted the end of the world and was wrong in 77.

Okay, they did that once.

Yeah.

I can think of five times I was worried about the end of the world.

You know the comic Nick Whitmer?

Yeah.

He's funny, but I think he's.

The last time I saw him was at Michael Scenes wedding.

But his childhood story is so funny.

His family was like, he had a normal family and then Clinton got elected and his dad was like this guy's the Antichrist.

Moves him out to like southwestern Virginia and he had to grow up on like a compound hunting squirrel.

He knows how to hunt and shit?

Yeah, yeah.

Well that like yeah, he just had a good father for once, okay.

I guess.

And then

it obviously Clinton's not the Antichrist.

He's just a politician he doesn't like.

So then they have to move.

No Clinton is a v uh one of the four horsemen.

Okay, well one of them.

That's still not the Antichrist.

Well his dad should have held his breath and waited a little longer because there were more comments.

It's also, too, if you believe in the story of the Antichrist, you don't have to move to the woods when the Antichrist comes.

You just have to recognize who the Antichrist is and believe in real Jesus.

I'll do you one better.

There is no the Antichrist.

There are antichrists, plural.

I had to read the Bible as a kid.

So that idea of the Antichrist is Catholic bullshit, and then the American one that his dad is.

No, no, it started as Catholic.

It started as Catholic.

The one you're talking about is the evangelical Zionist kind.

And if you look into that, Zionism

in the 1800s and American, so Jehovah's Witnesses came at the same time as like Mormons, Seventh-day Adventist.

Yeah, yeah.

New York, upstate New York was like the tech sector of stupid religions.

Yeah.

And that's why we have this weird Pat Robinson Christianity.

That was Israel's,

like, that's what I'm talking about.

It fell apart.

Because that fake Christianity that's actually just political, that, rightly so, people go, well, you know, evangelicals have this crazy idea Armageddon gonna happen there.

Well, that was engineered.

That was engineered on purpose.

They both had a common cause, and it was England.

Those all came from British

guys with mutton chops who start religions, come to America.

So it's really England.

England is pretty much the worst.

They're worse, more evil than us.

Yeah, but you got the Stones, you got the Beatles, you got

Princess Diana.

I gotta show you this, too.

I found so, you know, I cut you off.

I cut you off.

Dave Middleton has cancer.

No, she had an abortion.

Well, whatever.

She, whatever the fuck has.

Colbert's getting sued for, because he likes girl conspiracies.

Colbert's like conspiracies, but Kate Middleton, that's one girls can't like.

I refuse to learn anything about the royal family.

So anytime.

The name she's mentioned, I'm like, is that a female country music singer?

I don't remember.

Yeah, yeah.

Sounds like,

oh man, it's not coming up again.

But I clicked, I googled who Kate Middleton is and went to images.

And uh, fuck, it's already gone from my phone.

But uh what I found what I found initially was a picture of her meeting Maori, like some Maori ambassador.

And this guy is completely naked.

He's got,

and it's like, what, the princess of fucking England having to shake this guy's hand?

And then nine months later, she has to get a tumor removed from her stomach.

Yeah, and his ass is just completely exposed.

And I'm like, if I was a tribal leader, and I'm like, yeah, the king of France is coming to meet, and we have to send an ambassador.

So let's put it in your costume.

Let's put him in a diaper.

go.

No, his culture's on a costume.

That is their cultural.

I'm trying to bring it over.

Well, they just assume that Maori people have no sense of humor.

That's what I don't.

How do you know they're not just fucking with everybody?

It's not they have no sense of humor, but they take having their dick out for formal reasons in that kind of historical sense very seriously.

Like if you go to Hawaii and they go like this,

ninja turtle bullshit, no, to them this is like some kind of hang loose.

Yeah.

No, this is a shaka.

Shaka.

Yeah, like this is like a like a hand over your heart pledge of allegiance, important.

Cultural.

Right.

Now I just look at it as like, cow bunga.

And I still look at it that way.

I don't care.

I don't.

As Attel said, like, here in America, we can eat a fruit without first worshiping it as a god.

We just eat a pineapple.

Yeah.

One time I got, I was about to get laid at a certain time.

What if you think a pineapple was a god, though?

Imagine you're looking at the.

It is pretty regal.

Yeah.

I would be afraid of it.

It's got a hat on it.

It's been hundreds of years since it became a culture.

Like the monolith from 2001.

They approached.

Yeah, I'd be afraid of the colour.

They approached the pineapple.

Dude, I ate it and it's delicious.

Like the best fruit.

I forget what island it is.

Yeah, apparently.

Can you imagine?

And your pussy.

Why would you not worship that thing?

You're like, look, it's scary.

I used to think it was scary when I was a kid.

I thought that the spikes hurt your hand.

All those places where they had plenty and you didn't have to fight over resources, they still had war and they're bigger.

And so they have wars because there's no way to prove yourself as a man when everybody has enough.

So there's, it's not, it's not hawaii it's another kind of like

at the level of like beach volleyball dude there's a war there was a war and um is it cooks island i can't remember the island look it's so funny they have a mountain called chicken shit mountain there that's how you can find if you want to look but they got in a long war to get the other guy's shit

because um when so the leaders to set yourself apart

yeah so that's how you want to steal his powers away No, not even.

That's the cannibalism.

That's the cannibalism.

Because you have, so you're the chief, right?

Let's say you're the chief and then I'm under you and we're both under you.

We can't fight a chief in the other tribe.

Only you can fight with a chief.

Because you're high.

It's kind of like how streaming works.

You don't bring a lower status one.

So but you've got to prove.

So you have to go fight them and then when people die they shit themselves.

So you let's say you let's say he's the other chief and you kill him.

Then there's a dinner where both sides come and have to sit.

You eat his heart at dinner with his family there.

Then they bring out a plate with his shit on it for everyone to look at.

And that proves that you killed him.

Because look, I gotta sh so like they would take, dude, they would take stuff to make them shit themselves diarrhea.

How are they like, okay, that's his shit.

That's his death shit.

Do you think of people that would do this are that sophisticated that they're gonna DNA testing?

That sounds smart a little bit.

Yeah, too smart for your own good.

They could either be more sophisticated or less.

I don't know.

No, they I would imagine they obsessively look and can identify people's shits because it's now what like how Native Americans could hear footsteps.

That's exactly right.

You put your ear, yeah, yeah, you just gotta put you just gotta put your face in it, and you know, put the turd in your ear.

That's Nick.

It sounds like rain.

Yeah, but anyway, like that, people are gonna

this is my name.

That's how they tell each other that they shit in each other's ear.

That's your name in the culture.

Oh, I didn't know that.

And so, this is all happening in an island that's shaped like a skull, right?

I assume.

I assume it should be a butthole, it's probably a skull.

But it's like there's just like plenty.

And like, how do you distinguish yourself that you're a man?

There's no wars to fight because everybody has stuff.

My favorite is the tribe.

It's like in South America where you have to stick your cock in a bunch of bullet ants.

Yeah, yeah.

It's your hand.

Yeah, you're like not allowed to do your cock.

You're like not allowed to hit puberty unless you do that.

You did it wrong.

You put your hand in.

Not your cock.

Don't do that.

Well, I guess I had a different experience.

That's what I get for trading in chase reward points.

So you never should.

I thought you had a job with vice or something.

That sounded like a weird vacation.

National Lampoons, Bullet Ant Penis Vacation.

With my chase rewards, I'm taking a sex tour of Haiti.

A sex tour of Haiti.

I wonder what that would be like.

Well,

that's the Clintons.

People go to Haiti.

Yeah.

And they fucking,

anyway.

It sounds like.

I gotta go to do Gutfeld.

Okay.

I gotta get my

Say What Up for Us.

That might be the longest podcast we've ever done.

I feel like Rogan.

What?

245.

Wow, that's

not that.

You know how it is.

You know, you know how it is.

But dude, for real.

I don't spend this much time talking even in this vain before we go.

Look, I'm telling you.

I'm gonna say three sentences a month.

I know.

I snapped some time ago.

Like, I used to not look at any news at all because I couldn't handle it.

Yeah, the news sucked.

I couldn't handle it.

But then I got a job where I sidekick on a news show, so now I have to learn.

Yeah.

And it's the worst thing in the world.

And people look at you like you're talking about aliens when you tell them about land land news.

Yeah.

But I'm not Rogan when I'm talking about Haiti.

He goes, you know, these conspiracies.

I go, did we even get to my conspiracies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My conspiracies are crazy.

I'm just talking about the real shit that exists right now that you can look up, but you're not going to.

Yeah.

I didn't say it like that to him, but he's a guy that's open.

I stopped caring about everything after the Epstein thing.

Well, that's, look,

it's like, okay, so the the elites are all fucking children.

We caught the guy that did it.

We just murder him in prison.

Hey, the poor people do too.

It's very popular.

You're never going to find it.

Yeah, yeah.

A lot of uncles do it.

So it's like, okay, well, then there's no value in really looking at it.

I can't really

powerless.

I'm going to try and make as much money as possible and,

you know, find new drugs.

Okay, well, they fucked up with the lockdowns.

This is what's beautiful.

All the things are falling apart whether you vote.

Nobody has to do nothing because the clash, the cognitive dissonance of seeing Gaza and then Putin should be brought on war crimes.

Putin's a saint compared to Bibi.

So old fucking idiots here are going to just like what they like, but young people on TikTok are watching IDF soldiers brag about atrocities.

It doesn't look good.

And that's why the ADLs, they want to ban TikTok for other reasons.

TikTok's very censorious.

I don't go on it because I'm not a pedophile.

But the reason they're talking about banning it now was to protect Israel.

Why wouldn't they just steal the election?

That makes sense that

that happens.

Why wouldn't they just steal the what?

Well, I guess.

For our election?

The next election, yes.

Or I don't know if you believe that they stole the last one either.

When George W.

Bush got in, when I lived here,

everyone goes, they stole the election.

They did, yeah.

By the way, of course, they're going to steal the election.

It's called the Electoral Congress.

What the fuck is everybody talking about?

That's what I mean.

It's like if you're saying civil war, civil war, civil war.

But I don't think the

political will exists for that to happen.

I just don't.

The what?

The political will for any kind of civil war to happen exists.

You think the people's will is the will

to try.

Well, then, who's the civil war between?

It seems like it's you, I mean, you can't hold the position that we have no democracy, there's all these people in control, and that some civil war will happen.

If we're already living in lockdown, then nothing will happen.

It doesn't like nothing.

Okay, well, I'll explain it to you.

First of all, we kind of already in one.

That's what all this identity bullshit is.

It's top-down.

Like how BLM came from not black people.

It came,

put a gay black woman in charge of anything.

It would be a man, obviously.

So all the, so, like, take the stupid Bud Light thing.

where Kid Rock joined Hamas over it for briefly, right?

Yeah, yeah.

That guy's the ex-CIA guy, the CEO.

Kid Rock?

No, the CEO of Bud Light friend of the show friend of the light

so you saw how whipped up people got about that right so now that they're trying to queer and trans the spaces unlike pussy countries like Australia which are are just or New Zealand is or Canada where they're gonna have life imprisonment for hate speech you know about that right that's a real law

Their life imprisonment is 20 years, but still a bit much for online.

That's a long time to go to jail.

It's still worse than China.

Yeah.

So America's armed to after, dude, there's more guns than people, you've heard many times.

Oh, that's not the reason Johnson would.

He had the nerve to come out.

When are they going to take the guns away?

What?

I don't even own a gun, but thank God a bunch of people have guns because if they ever try to pull that shit again, guess what?

And that thing you can't find.

We're lazy here.

We're lazy.

With all due respect, Mr.

Borrelli, you don't know anything.

I don't even know what a fickle scene.

You know, you're a fantastic moron.

No one's going to fight on

any regulation of it.

It's too much work.

working honor system how easy it is to make your own gun now I mean it is incredible okay so now you're it's the same as Bitcoin okay so fuck the laws it doesn't matter if you want a gun so hold that thought yeah the people in charge the idea that Trump could come back into power

okay they will do their best to they can't just kill him because that would start a thing I mean they might yeah They could start a thing where, like that movie that came out about a civil war where everybody secedes.

They've already tried to keep him off the battle.

It is crazy.

Like, there should be only one choice in our democracy.

They will make sure something happens.

That shit that happened in Maryland, the bridge?

Yeah, the Black Swan event you might have heard of.

That is vital infrastructure.

That bridge, just so you know, I didn't know this.

That is one of the most vital pieces of infrastructure.

That's targeted.

There is no other way to get certain kinds of things down to the south and the north now.

Because you can't drive them on through tunnels.

So someone did that on purpose.

I don't know who.

But no,

it ain't the thing like with Boeing where diversity killed the people on the plane.

This shit, remember the pipeline that they attacked and wanted Bitcoin and all that?

So, no, there's some coordinated shit going, and they always have to not give you the truth about it.

It might not be the fantastical thing somebody says it is, but they have to keep hiding it.

There's too many things.

It's like, so new things keep pop.

So, like, oh, Ukraine and Putin is a monster, and all of a sudden, we got to pretend Israel are heroes for what they're doing right now.

So, you're saying that that's going to be like a kernel of revolutionary potentials.

bridge?

I don't know if you know this.

Women have dicks now and you're supposed to believe it in your heart like it's Jesus.

Yeah, but people don't.

That's like the thing.

That's wait, hold on.

Yes, obviously.

But all the people here, I'll give you one thing before I go.

It's the craziest story in the world to me.

What?

Dunigan's friend who's a writer, who's very funny, I know her, she's very smart.

Boyfriend transitions on New Year.

He decides he's gonna turn into a woman.

Surprises her in one of her dresses.

He doesn't even buy his own.

Doesn't buy his own.

She just shows up wearing her clothes.

He's better.

She celebrates because she's a good liberal.

Oh, great.

They've been together like, I don't know how many years, a long time.

Probably her fertile years.

Mm-hmm.

Then...

Barney and The Simpsons.

Okay, then her friends, her friends pressure her.

She goes on a lesbian date.

with this lesbian that liked her because well if he was a woman the whole time i must be a lesbian right so i should go on a lesbian now that's a true story now if you tell that anywhere in the dumbest place in America they're like what so that's why I'm saying the Civil War the fact that that's a story that it's stupid but you're casual about it

that's because you live here and you're numb to craziness yeah everybody else cannot believe you have the nerve boy my boy saw his ex he had dinner with his ex and

and his ex transitioned to male so

he found out he was gay he found out he was gay you know they're bringing back back...

He told me that story as if he was really stressed out about it.

I was like, bro, so you're gay?

And he believed it.

No.

Well, women are weak, and they believe it.

They have no identity since they're great.

I don't think it's...

You know how Gambia is bringing back female circumcision?

The country of Gambia?

I didn't know Gambia was a country.

I thought it was a...

No, it's like

Wakanda is based on it, but instead of having technology...

It's a female smoothie.

Instead of technology, they have female circumcision.

Now, we all know that that's not what it is, female circumcision, right?

They call it that, but what it really is is gender-affirming care.

And I feel bad for them because they don't have enough money to circumcise their tits as well, whereas we do in an advanced country.

Yeah.

What is they do?

They cut just the hood off or the whole clip?

I think they cut the clit off.

Take as much as you can, inshallah, because it makes her chaste and it makes her identify with who she is.

Like, we can't even make fun of third world countries anymore.

Remember, oh, you can't draw Muhammad.

They get all those primitives get mad because you draw

You can't draw Cartu the Prophet.

I can't say women don't have dicks and get a job in my field.

Oh, we owe them an apology because they invented a great way to change your gender.

It's called a burqa.

A surgery-free, all-natural pronoun you can wear.

Well, you know in Iran, if they catch you being gay, they give you a transition.

Yeah, and that was a documentary.

They don't have on HB on MAX anymore because now they're, here's what we're doing.

Castrating kids.

Canada's euthanizing them.

Does this sound familiar to anybody?

Like a certain German period in history?

Killing kids.

Canada is euthanizing children.

Assisted suicide.

Trans children.

So you know their healthcare system, they don't want to pay money into it anymore.

So they have commercials about killing yourself, like really expensive commercials.

That sounds hilarious.

If I could get

Nick, it's the funniest thing in the world.

It's the funniest thing in the world.

But that's the little taco bell dog.

Yoquiero, kill myself.

I was like, at Tim Hortons, we say kill yourself.

And

so so like we got brought Nazis after the war about 50,000 of them there's Nazi monuments all over Chase Bank has a swasika logo we're army Nazis uh let me

do do you get the picture this is the fourth right it's been the fourth right since World War II remember they go the liberal world order

for me that seems like common knowledge it is not okay it people will go like what I who

And like, I'm a crazy guy.

It seems like because things are just immediately.

Fuck, I gotta go.

Okay.

You gotta go?

Yeah, I'm sorry, dude.

I had a good time.

I'm glad I blew off Ian.

Yeah.

Ian Love.

Dude, this is the longest podcast we've ever done.

I feel like Joe Rogo, Scott.

Yeah, I miss you guys.

Come back.

Love you, pal.

This is Bethany Frankel from Just Be with Bethany Frankel.

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