The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 41

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Hello, welcome, guys.

It's the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

Give it up for our guest today, Robbie Hoffman.

Hi, thank you for having me.

Robbie Hoffman from At Midnight, the new At Midnight.

They brought At Midnight back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

With a female guest.

Do people even

have anymore?

I feel like that show came out when like hashtags were new.

It's after midnight now.

I don't know what it is.

But you're the winner.

Yeah, I took the check.

I was the winner even based on everything they had to cut from me.

They cut a couple jokes of yours.

A little bit of blue humor.

You want to run those jokes now for the fans?

It's the same format the show that it used to be.

I don't know.

I didn't know the old show.

I never heard of it.

How old are you?

Oh, so you're our age.

But yeah, but, you know, I don't know.

And we can cut.

Let's cut that age because I'm starting to act.

Are you acting right now?

No, but I act.

I had a part that's not.

No, she's like this.

She's just like this.

This is the way I am.

Why can't I be the way I am?

She's like this.

She's just like it.

Let's cut your age because you're

why.

Why do we can we're gonna say I don't think they're a guest.

I don't think they're a guess.

I'm new to it.

Come on.

You know that Beverly Hills 90210.

Those were

not like a hot young piece of action.

I am a hot young piece of action.

She acts this way.

I I am a hot young piece.

When I first met her, he didn't cash.

Yeah, I am a hot ass.

I'm sorry.

I am a hot young ass.

I thought you were a 19-year-old.

Just because I'm not your taste, Nick, there's a lot.

And by the way,

how do you know?

Because he said I'm not a hot piece of ass.

But that's his taste.

That's not my taste.

So that I'm not his taste.

You're absolutely 100% his taste.

Am I your taste?

A victim of the taste.

Are you attracted to me?

No.

Okay.

Now, by the way, I do have some men in my DMs.

Yes, I do, I do, I do, I do.

We'll talk afterwards.

I want to start here.

Can you welcome me again?

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show with special guests

Robbie Hoffman.

Stop, do it again.

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show with special guests, Robbie Hoffman.

Please.

That's it.

That's it.

I knew it wouldn't be.

Where's comment?

No, okay, so go again.

Go again.

You're a bully and not a girl.

I am a bully.

So that's what I'm saying.

I can't.

I can only push it.

Okay, Start it again.

What age do you want to be?

I don't want to be.

Tell your fake age.

Just tell this boy to fake age so we don't, because we're going to have to tell you.

That's how we do the introductions.

We say the age of everyone.

Well, just because in case it comes out, we're going to be like, oh, well, you're

28.

You're 19.

You're 19.

You're a 19-year-old hot young piece of ass.

Can you reintroduce?

As a young boy.

Yes,

welcome to the Adam Friedland Show with special guests, Robbie Hoffman, friend of mine, friend of the show.

Give it up to Robbie.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It really is the worst.

That's when it's like, you fucked up.

No, you fucked up.

I think when I turned 33,

it just sounds bad as a number.

No, it's the age of Jesus, 33.

Was he?

Didn't he die at 33?

Yeah, it's an age people die at.

It's like, yeah.

No, I thought 27 is the age.

33, they call it your like Jesus year or whatever.

27 is rock stars, but if you're a moral person.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Who else died at 33?

Nick, you don't think I'm a hot piece of ass?

I said hot, young piece of ass in like show business terms.

You're not

going to be able to do that.

You're not losing any roles by being

a statement.

Do you know that I have boys who DM me?

I'm like, you're not Marilyn Monroe.

And you're like, you're saying nobody wants to fuck me.

I'm like, everyone wants to fuck me.

I'm not saying that.

I'm not closing.

Robbie walks into a room and every

girl wants to be her and every guy wants to date her.

I have men who say I'm into masculine girls.

If you were someone that was asking, if you were untalented, if you had no acting ability, and your entire thing was like, look at me, I'm young.

Just put me on camera, I'm young, then it would make sense.

Like, don't let anyone know I'm

okay.

Can we?

We'll cut that.

We'll cut it.

Nick, he said you're sensitive, but

now we stop being sensitive.

We're going to beep the age.

I don't want to start it once more.

For comedy?

No, no, no.

For comedy, it'll be funny.

I don't care for comedy.

I'll start my timer again okay go ahead go ahead we're starting now welcome to the adam freelance show with special guest robbie hoffman friend of mine a show for the ages a show for the ages thank you i talk about robbie all the time to nick he's like who's this robbie how do you say don't worry about it it's i don't hear much my friend nick What are you talking about?

You don't hear much about Nick.

I don't hear much about Nick.

I thought you said to me when you agreed to go.

You asked me, first of all, you didn't agree to go on the road.

You said, can I open for you?

Yeah, I want it on the road.

people in the queer community in la they were mad at me were saying that i'm a member of the kkk and stuff that's what they said how what did you support you were at a march i the only march i've ever been to is a women's i went to a no i went to a women's rights rally

why would i be at charlottesville they say jew jews will not replace us what would i i've been chanting that

i don't know They will not replace us.

Is there any theme today?

Is there any theme today?

The theme of today is

Robbie with special guests on the podcast today.

We're talking show business.

Wait, you have a theme for your podcast?

No, I don't know.

I don't know.

It's just a podcast.

You just talk.

Great.

Nick, you seeing anyone?

Yeah, a periodontist.

A periodontist?

Yeah, Nick just had a surgery.

Welcome back to the podcast, Nick.

He's been gone a lot.

You had a surgery.

You had a gum graft?

I had a gum graft.

You had a gum graft.

Yeah.

From where did they take it?

They take it from the top of your mouth.

You know what?

When I went skateboarding when I was a kid, I thought this would be my thing.

I don't know why.

You know, I never did sports, but I, you know, I thought, well, I'm kind of good at balance.

I right away flew off of it.

I gashed my whole face.

I was gushing blood.

I came home.

My mother didn't kiss it better than that.

She said, look what you did.

Yeah.

Look what you did.

How could you do this?

She said, you're going to need skin grafts.

We were in the cab on the way to the hospital.

She said, they're going to shave off your thigh and stick it on your face I think she was talking about sex change it was an ointment I was I was good as you a week later yeah did you say yours failed it did fail yeah it was pretty disappointing I was kind of devastated does the does the periodontist give you money back for that or what did he say

no

they just said see in two weeks I guess for like an additional follow-up but they have to take a pretty big chunk out of like from your other gums and now this tooth hurts and it feels loose so I don't know and he's not going to give you money back for that This is malpractice.

It's not necessarily malpractice.

Malpractice has to be outside the standard of care.

You would have a point.

I mean, there was a lack of informed consent because I was just told, oh, this needs to be covered.

I wasn't.

They didn't tell me.

It only works like 90% of the time.

You know that dentistry, did you see this new documentary about the Muse?

Those alt dentists?

Dentistry is like such a scam.

It's actually like not scientific.

A lot of the things that I've been doing.

Periodontis is a surgeon, but a dentist is I don't

consider that to be a doctor.

You have additional dental school you go to, periodontist deals with the bones and the gums.

A dentist is just teeth.

Now my question with the, so now it failed.

They have to take another chunk?

I don't know.

I got to wait two weeks.

I got to put it honestly, it was like, it was pretty, I was in despair when they told me that because I tried to do everything right.

I was being

a complex where there's been times in my life where I try to do something right and by trying to like try my best, I really need something to work.

I end up like it makes it worse well that's like my new shoe Gabby hates when I bring this up but that's my new shoe theory when you get new shoes let's say when you rotate and you don't want to scuff them you have your shoes for the year or whatever first day you fuck them up but then you never fuck them up again but it's because you're thinking so much don't fuck them up don't fuck them up don't fuck them up well anyways yeah it didn't work so I was I was pretty distraught and then he could see that and so he said well we'll like he's like you know whatever needs to be done we can go in and we won't charge you but he said we have

he said, we have to wait two weeks to see, like, what, you know, how it heals.

Yeah, and you can't get, now you're going to have a gash somewhere up here that doesn't have gum.

There's a big chunk missing from the top of my mouth.

And that won't ever come back?

I know.

I don't think gums grow.

They don't, if they recede, they don't grow.

That's why you need a gum graft.

But the reason that happens is because it's like gum tissue needs an underlying bone structure to attach to.

Because it receives like blood supply through the bone and stuff like that so when you have bone loss from periodontal disease then the gums just have nothing to attach to so you have periodontal disease i've had i mean yes they say that you can't cure it it can be stabilized they had to get a root scaling and planing done years ago and then

they don't like my regular dentist they don't tell you anything they're just like ah yeah you got to do this like ah we got to do this So I guess it's not like they sat me down and they're like, you have periodontal disease.

They told me we have to go under your gums and clean them out.

I don't know what my periodontal chart is I get x-rays they tell me if I have cavities but I don't like I don't know what the pocket depth is or any of that shit I just went how did you find out you needed this the periodontist he took a look at it he's like that's got to be covered

do you smile are you insecure about your teeth no not really I mean I went to get I went to go see periodontist because one tooth and it's structural it's because it's like when my my I never have braces or anything one tooth kind of you have to watch this mewing documentary.

It's exactly what I'm saying.

I know what that is.

You know what it is?

So you press your tongue against the top of the head.

There's this quack dentist who says that basically dentistry was founded, like basically the first dentist back 100 years ago was like

we could do braces and straighten people's teeth.

But he actually forgot the root of the people's problems, which was that

the jaw

actually needed to be widened for teeth to fit.

So we started just fixing teeth and fitting them into the jaw, sometimes pulling teeth, whatever, instead of making like a palate, instead of widening the jaw.

But he was so

vilified by mainstream

recession.

A lot of issues, orthodon.

So he was so vilified because it's such a money maker now, it's such a business braces, and this is an easy fix.

That type of retainer from when you have it as a kid, you'll grow, your teeth will grow straight because

evolutionary, you know,

like, you issues were really

at the root of this issue rather than the tea.

It's like, oh, we stopped keeping our mouths completely clenched with our tongue.

For some reason they used to be like this.

That kind of just that would keep your jaw wide.

Now we're building a lot of people.

That kind of stuff goes like an intersection of

being a product of like a for-profit healthcare system

where you assume that you're just being scammed no matter what.

And then you get into dumb shit being like, well, you don't need to see a dentist at all.

You just put coconut oil in your mouth.

No, right.

There's somewhere in between.

Right.

And then, but then that stuff gets into this kind of like, almost like sort of reactionary tendency where you're like, oh, well,

it's actually because

we had these old traditional systems and like mewing, that's like all part of like this looks maxing thing where you can improve your entire like physio nomie just by pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

What did you say?

No?

No, no.

I was vaping and then you switched the camera to me.

Oh,

I look like an.

I didn't change hats.

No, I was wearing this hat before.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

What do you think of the hat?

It looks like a like a like the kind of basket you'd see it, like a thing.

Yeah, it does look like that.

I thought it was more like I'm going to Boulder because they have the best 420.

Yeah.

Like I'm going to

Colorado to go find a libations bar.

Yeah, I can see you and I have a very similar face shape.

I have a very narrow face like this.

So when I was watching something like this, I was going, I can see that because I've had cramped,

you know, my problems.

I never needed braces, but when my wisdom came in, they just pitched this one tooth forward.

And when the tooth is forward, then the gums are...

And it's funny because they did a frenectomy also where they

cut the frenulum, which is the tendon that holds my lip to my gums.

So how low can your lips go?

That little string at the bottom?

Yeah.

When I was walking around, I could feel, like every step, you can feel, because you don't think about it, you're like, well, my lip, my gum being like at an angle, that would really cause that amount of recession.

It's like, well, yeah, 20 years of every time your foot drops

every time your fucking foot drops is tugging on it.

It's like, it was like when I got surgery when I cut my tits off.

Yeah.

The first drive back.

You did that yourself or a doctor?

A doctor.

Oh, a doctor, though.

And they had to do that to fix your face.

Exactly.

So what happened when I was...

You put your titties into your mouth?

That's what happened.

Wow.

When I was driving home, the first time.

Guess what we're going to have to do now?

The first titties are coming off, and you're getting a a new face.

From skating.

The first time that I drove home, I could feel, because they sewed this power, basically your stomach, back to whatever from your tit.

So now you're like this.

And I could feel the pull.

It's such an awkward feeling to feel a body pull.

I could kind of feel, you know, this is wanting to go down and this is wanting to spring up.

Everything has a sensation that you're just like.

like

used to basically

i think if like you know people like oh if i could be somebody else for a day I think just the sensation, the physical sensation of it would probably drive you insane.

That's true.

You'd probably be in

a state of discomfort that you could never

comprehend.

Like, even just the way your hair touches your fucking.

How long have you been growing your hair?

35 years.

Oh, you've always had long hair.

His hair grows.

Since he's had hair, it grows and he gets cut.

Since we started the show, I just haven't taken care of myself.

This is the first time I went to the show.

He had a very long beard for a long time, too.

He looked like a chusid.

Well, with the long hair.

He looked like a chunk of the hair.

Yeah, the year started, so it's not.

Well, yeah.

You know, Robbie grew up in Crown Heights.

She was born in 84.

Wait, actually.

Because if you're 34, so this is the Year of the Dragon.

Yeah.

I was born in 88.

He was 86.

Oh, happy Chinese New Year to our Chinese listeners, by the way.

Happy Lunar New Year.

But for me, 88,

your birth year, every 12 years, I was born in the year of the dragon, this is Year of Dragon Out.

It's actually bad luck so it's gonna be a terrible year terrible year and half the reason I went and got this done is because Chinese New Year's right at the buzzer no Chinese New Year they say make sure you get any dental work done before February for 4th specifically that you gotta go if you ever need anything with your eyes or your teeth done do that and the period was like I'm gonna see you January 29th and I'm like perfect and then I went in there

because yesterday was Lunar New New Year, right?

Yeah, well,

for your, what is it,

Ben Ming Nian, I don't know what they call it, I think that's it, is your birth year in Chinese Zodiac.

If

like to,

first of all, someone has to buy you red underwear, which no one has done for me yet.

So if there's somebody.

Why didn't you ask?

I would buy you red underwear.

I don't think somebody has to just do it for you.

You can't ask.

I'm not going to be buying you red underwear.

You said someone has to, so maybe someone will.

Well, I do have one pair of red underwear that was given to me for free by Mac Weldon years ago.

All right.

Former sponsor of the show.

Yeah.

But,

you know, Chinese people will go get their teeth cleaned at the beginning of the year because, you know, it usually bleeds

or they'll donate blood so that later in the year you don't piss off like the god of furniture arranging.

Yeah.

And he makes you get hit by a car or something.

So luckily with this, I think maybe I've shed enough blood that the rest of the year I won't have to deal with any kind of physical ailments.

All right.

Let's fingers crossed.

Do you you believe in Chinese that kind of stuff?

I don't know anything about it.

I don't really know anything about it.

Do you do regular astrology?

Don't know anything about it either.

Yeah.

How do you live in LA and not know anything about it?

Well, I know I'm a Sagittarius.

Oh, when's your birthday?

December 2nd.

Oh, okay.

What?

Are you a Sagittarius?

Yeah.

So what do we know about it?

I don't know.

I think it's a cool one because it's like a centaur.

Dragon is also a good person.

We're supposed to have a good personality.

Yeah.

You guys have two of the best personalities.

Well, you said that we would be like oil and water, which we kind of are.

No, I said that you guys are kind of similar people.

In what way?

More like.

Bone structure, look, general look.

That was crazy.

I watched the Super Bowl last night, and you get the sense.

First of all, halftime shows dog shit.

I disagree.

Phenomenal.

She didn't like it either.

No, I like it.

You know what I wish I would do?

Give me one or two songs.

The whole song.

Fine, maybe not the whole whole, like, like you can shorten the beginning and the end.

But

30 seconds clip, click.

It's like they're always trying to put a black man in a dress who's that uh tariq nasheed tariq nasheed not a comedian yeah but they do that where it's like well i mean pat williams also said that on the shannon sharp interview they put black guys in comedies and they make them uh like they feminize them in a certain it's called buck breaking

the worst example of that of all time

now is making usher roller skate during the super bowl

they didn't break him he did it they put him in roller skates from what i understand

that was coming the entire time.

What's wrong with roller skates?

He's in the down low culture from what I from what I'm saying.

No, no, it's yeah, it seems pretty obvious.

You know, you're in the Chris Kate.

I mean, I would assume that he is.

You're in the download community or something.

No, I would.

I would assume why, because he's been in show business since he was 15.

He just seems it to me.

I don't know.

Yeah.

And I could be wrong.

By the way, it shouldn't be, I got in trouble on a show.

I was writing on, to call it a show is even an overstatement.

I was writing on the Chris Ketter show.

Oh, okay.

And we had somebody on the show there who I thought was abroad like me.

We all know what that means, okay?

And she was, you know, hot young pieces.

And we had this job, but we had to sometimes write, like, if the guest was

being interviewed like this, we'd have to write a lower third, like what it says on the TV screen for them.

So like, Adam Fionn host, you know, that sort of thing.

And I would always give her.

You gave that to the writers to do that.

Yeah,

I would do a cute thing.

That was like one of the things we did.

I would do a cute thing like oh stupid drives a Subaru or you know has cats whatever lesbian and I got called in saying you you can't insinuate that somebody is gay and I said what why not

What is wrong?

Are you saying there's something wrong with being called

for the guest?

Like what's wrong with being called gay?

Should I take that in a what did you write light in the loafers?

Oh, the scissors occasionally.

Scissors occasionally.

Who cares?

Was it not a lesbian?

It was a closeted.

Closeted lesbian.

Now an out-lesbian, by the way.

And it's like, I get in trouble.

The thing with getting me in trouble is we're going to see who's getting who in trouble.

I get in top meeting and I say, what the fuck is wrong with being gay or calling someone gay?

Do you have a problem?

If somebody called me straight, I would not have a problem with that.

See, it's so nice because, I mean, nobody's hired me on anything since 2017.

But there was this nice little window where like they would they would hire people

not, you know, like they would have to, they were being more conscious about who they're hiring.

So you would have more representation, but then they would still hire one bad white guy.

Like that would be the balance.

Yeah.

So the one white guy they hire isn't going to be like, you know, Black Lives Matter.

It's going to be the guy that's like, ah, they got an extra bone, you know?

One bad boy.

Yeah, right, exactly.

No, but you know what I think?

I actually disagree with that.

I think the white guy who stays there is like the one enforcing the woke shit the most because he's like trying to be subtle about that fact that he's the white guy.

But they figured it out because like you know, they had it kind of the sweet spot in 2017 when famously the best TV shows of all time were

coming out.

But

no, I feel like was that when Schumer was winning Emmys?

That was when Kurt was

Kurt was the good old boy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you see the new curve?

No, Kurt.

Kurt Max.

I couldn't make it through.

Yeah, I know.

Speaking of, speaking of, what do we have?

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No, this is going fine.

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We have Woody Allen on.

When is he coming on?

I've made two attempts.

Oh, really?

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Because he did Alec Baldwin's word Zoom show.

I know, but.

Yeah, okay, yeah, no, they did.

They sent us the, that's what I have at home.

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For the surgery.

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That's what I did when I was at Nixon.

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Yeah, just so I'm not like, oh, getting shit all over the fucking room.

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Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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Did we get more than just the wipes?

I think Ginsburg took the rest of that shit home.

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I want to give a shout out to my sister Kaya, who I think

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She was using baby wipes, I remember over 10 years ago.

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Guys,

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Folks, it was created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated, clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for 72 hours, baking soda-free, paraben-free.

I hate parabens personally, pH balance for safe use below the belt.

Women need to always control the pH.

Vaginas are like swimming pools, kind of.

They have to do like a little test trip.

pH vagina would be a good thing for like a novelist or a playwright.

pH vagina.

I think it's mostly

when we're having sex with men.

Yeah, because our...

That's when it gets fucked up.

I've never had to deal anything with anything like that.

With a woman?

I'm saying, yeah, girls, you know, I don't know.

Well, you can't technically have actual sex, personally.

No, exactly.

Yeah.

It's just a mushy.

So that's why.

Well, we don't really do that either.

It's mostly fingers, tongue, and toys.

Is there a roll?

They're in bass.

It is.

She's into washes.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you like it?

Yeah, it's nice.

Try it on.

Try it on.

It's kind of shocking.

Why is that shocking?

It doesn't fit with the rest of the outfit, I guess.

Why doesn't he shoot it?

You sound like a really nice watch.

What's wrong with the rest of the outfit?

It looks like it's from a gift shop in Dublin.

He's talking to me.

That's ProLoco T-A-F-S and shopmando.com.

Can you imagine that he's talking to me about my outfit?

Yeah, I look like she's having so much fun right now.

I'm not wearing a problem.

Continue, continue.

Let's hear about her outfit in the Rolex.

I think it looks so nice with my sweater.

It looks fine.

You know what this watch I wear every I wear this watch every single day.

Is that the Air King?

It's just it.

It's a simple, it's a 1991 vintage Air King.

No, she doesn't have Snoopy.

No, I don't, I don't, this, this, I think Steve Jobs would roll over.

Good, fuck it.

If he, if he saw that this is what they put out, that still looks like an iPhone 3G just on your wrists.

It should have, he would have put it out when it looked like this.

Did it have Snoopy on it?

Yeah, I didn't have Snoopy on it.

You know, by the time it looked like a watch, remember when the Air Mac, Mac Air came out?

Right?

He came out with a manila envelope, just an envelope.

He was like, oh, just have an envelope.

And he pulls up this computer, beautiful.

With the watch, he would have, until it looked like just a regular watch, he would have just walked out and been like, what's the time?

Flipped it, and it would have turned on.

But instead,

they threw his old iPhone 3G onto the wrist.

It's like nobody is fooled.

What do you mean?

It's just not a watch.

It's a phone on a wrist.

It's a phone wristlet.

You have Snoopy as your text.

It's a phone wristlet.

What else did you do, Thindik?

I keep track of where we are with the reads.

Yeah, can it even do that?

Yeah, it can do that.

Can I try it on?

Yeah.

It looks so good on you.

It looks really good.

You know that I tried to help Maya get you one for Christmas.

She's not going to spend that money.

Why?

She comes from money.

You barely have her spending at the apartment.

You know that magazine, DuPont Registry?

Okay, but don't close it because your wrist, it's not much bigger than mine, but it's bigger.

I have a woman's wrist.

No, he has such bad hands, but look how good that looks.

Don't close it, though.

It's a very simple watch.

We got to get it in the stainless steel.

No,

I'll never do that.

I'll never be a watch guy.

Feels so good.

No, you won't.

Feels so nice on this.

Thank you.

Thanks for letting me do that.

Not at all.

When I first met Robbie,

she

first.

Stop.

Stop being prideful.

Put it on this end.

Put it on this end.

My sense of comfort is being in my space, his personal space.

in the data.

He's fucking.

No, you respect his space.

He's being, he's being.

He's my best friend.

You'd be respectful.

I'm your best friend.

Kind of.

Yeah, me and him are just business partners.

No, that's not true.

I kind of love...

I'm in love with both of you.

In kind of similar ways, also.

No, kind of the same.

Kind of the same.

When the two of you make fun of me, he wanted to try it on, but because I told him then to try it on, he said no.

He's one of those guys.

Because I don't think it's good to do it.

But if I don't tell you to do something, you want to do the same thing.

It doesn't matter what I want to do.

No, he has oppositional defiance.

Okay, I was close before.

Nick has oppositional defiance.

You can't tell him what to do.

He has to have a double-exactly.

He has to happen upon the business.

He's like a girl like that.

He's like a girl.

It's not a girl thing.

It's a society.

It's a positive.

Exactly.

So what am I going to be like, oh, wow,

now I get it.

We see.

She said, she was doing a nice thing where she said,

try it on, and you'll be like.

I'm going to try on my expensive watch.

No, and you would feel maybe a little bit nice being like, oh, the Queen of England.

Yeah, you're going to have a watch like that too, you fuck face.

She wasn't doing it in a rude way.

No, no.

She wasn't trying to see him.

His insecurities come out.

No, let him.

It all comes out.

It's all projection.

Okay.

It's nothing to do.

Robbie.

Robbie DMs.

It's not projection.

No, no.

You don't even know what that means.

It's okay.

Robbie DMs me.

I meet her in New York.

We got along.

And then she DMs me.

I see you're in Portland.

Can I I come feature for USA?

Of course.

Wasn't that fun?

We're in the airport.

I meet up with her.

She refuses to take her mask off.

This is years after COVID.

And I say, what's with the mask?

You're actually, at this point, it's kind of rude.

And you're like, I can't tell you.

Big dicking me.

Like, I can't tell you.

She said my tits sewn onto my face.

I just,

I can't tell you, but like, you're...

I cannot breathe your air, right?

Eventually takes the mask off.

We argue for four hours, straight up four hours, screaming at each other.

And she looks down at my hands and wrists and she said, your hands and wrists are pathetic.

They're very small.

They're very small.

She highlighted my number one insecurity with a laser-like focus.

What I'm saying is, the two of you, there's an intimacy to the way both of you guys make fun of me, which is comforting.

How do you know?

It makes me kind of feel loved at a certain point.

I don't think I make fun of them, really.

Criticize, criticize, criticize.

I was just saying, it's as if you know me so well.

I say things like your

mind to no, there's more, there's, there's more, uh, there's more.

Have you guys seen each other's penises

probably over the years at this point?

Have you seen my penis?

Yeah, yeah, we did.

From the boys' chat during COVID.

Oh, right.

You can see

naked pictures of yourself.

No, okay.

During COVID,

my friend Brian, in a different boys' chat, started a game that we all started playing where we would the game was it's gay to send girls a dick pic, but it's cool if you send the fellas a dick pic, right?

So we started in that boys chat, and then I sent one and then Brian said, Are you puffed?

I said, I'm not puffed, and then he sent Maya the picture.

He said, Tell me if Adam's puffed in that.

Very funny.

And so then I'm in a different chat with Steven and Alex and and Nick, and I played it there.

And so, yeah, I suppose Nick has seen my pains at this point.

And what did you think of it?

I completely just, I forgot until this moment.

How could you forget?

I don't know, I don't care.

I remember my dad got up one time and his like ball hung out from his fucking underwear and I can't forget it.

Your father's testimony.

And I probably was six.

You never saw his full packet.

Just the ball, I believe.

I guess you're not a boy.

I saw my dad's dick a lot, bro.

Oh, yeah, no, no, no.

We changed that.

Yeah, no, your dad kind of just walks around naked until you're like five or something.

Yeah, it's annoying.

It's gross.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you seen your mother naked?

I mean,

well,

I mean, we bathed together until

an older age?

I don't know.

Yeah, well, my mom still just goes, like, she'll shit with the door wide open.

I used to, I hate.

She visited me and she was like doing that in my apartment.

I literally, I feel so bad when I think back on seeing my mother naked we would go to the all-girls swimming at the Y

and we would change in the locker room into the bathing suit so maybe I'm also a kid maybe I'm eight years old I don't know how young I am but I'm a little kid and she would change so freely I was such a private kid always I would go to the the stall the bathroom stall even in the locker room and I would change that and she and her tits just flew up and I and I would call her I'm like it's disgusting is she a big girl I would call a woman like I was like ma it's disgusting And her hair.

Your mom's a big girl?

My mom is like a bully girl.

She's got a body?

Oh, she's had ten kids.

I mean, her tits are massive milk jugs.

Robbie, for the viewer,

she was born in Crown Heights.

You were Lubavitch, and then you moved.

To Montreal.

Your parents divorced, and then you moved to Montreal.

Yeah, another Lubavitch community in Montreal.

Yeah, yeah.

So, Nick and I at Gray T, I mean, do you have any additional information on the tunnels that you want to share?

I know the whole thing about the tunnels.

Did you call me about the tunnels?

Somebody called me about the tunnels.

I think I text you and I said that

we need to protect our boys.

Well, I think now it's

pretty known.

But basically, there's this faction.

I don't know how interested

you're going to be.

Don't give the boring answer.

Give a fucking answer.

I'm giving the boring.

Oh, because he talks 16 minutes about his tooth.

I can't talk about this.

You were asking questions about it.

Exactly.

Well, I'm the guest.

Okay.

Okay, so thank you.

Okay, so thank you.

There's a faction in the Laba.

Are you Jewish?

Yes.

Is he?

Of course.

He's not Jewish.

Okay, but anyway, there's different kinds.

You know, there's different kinds of citizens.

We know, we've talked about Stanford.

I understand what the tunnels are for.

They've already been told.

Adam's explained.

I explained it already on the show.

He throwed it to you to give a joke answer.

It was a joke answer.

It was like, wait, what did you tell him?

That these guys, that the Rebbe had plans to expand 770.

Yeah.

No one should have permits.

That's not true.

That's not true.

What is it?

What is it?

Is There's a faction when the Rebbe died,

everybody, you know, mourned him, but there was a small faction of Lubavitch Jews who considered him the Messiah, the Mashiach.

Myself included.

This faction grew a little bit a little bit, and they felt like this is his temple.

That's where he was the rabbi.

That's where he was, you know, the Alta Rebbe and all that.

And they wanted a bigger place for the idea of him being the Mashiach, the Messiah.

So they were trying to,

yeah,

not expand what was already there, but make almost a separate space under there

and eventually maybe take over the rest of it.

I don't know about that.

But they were trying,

they're, you know, there's now infighting a little bit, some who believe he was the Messiah and some who don't believe.

Most people don't believe, but the few people that believe were trying to make more room for that.

Why would you believe that he was?

I know.

I mean, it's like because everybody's like,

exactly.

It's like, well, then fuck this.

I mean, stop it.

Then you're Christian.

No more religion here.

Yeah, like it didn't come.

Yeah, it didn't do anything.

Well, then it's coming back.

If Christ comes

back.

If there was a second coming of Christ, right?

And he's like, oh, here I am.

And he proves it.

He's the Son of God.

And they're like, great.

So, like, can you fix anything?

He's like, nah, I can open a fucking CarMax franchise.

Right.

Yeah.

That's about it.

It wouldn't be the third coming because he died and then he came back four days later, no?

But the second coming of Christ is

the war with

the Antichrist.

What's the Antichrist?

The Antichrist.

It's probably one of the two of us.

Have you had Shia LaBeouf on yet?

You know, he's a Catholic now.

I'd love to have him on.

You want to know about the Antichrist?

Yeah, what is it?

Ask Nick.

Yeah, the Antichrist,

all the Christian Zionists, they believe that

there's going to be the third temple will be built,

and the Antichrist will put himself in the throne of God at the third temple.

So can't we get on with just building this temple?

That's what evangelicals want to do.

Well, that's what I've said.

Oh, so they have so much money.

They build all kinds of temples.

This is Nick's plan for peace in the Middle East.

So are they building it or what?

First of all, here's the thing.

Israel can go into Gaza and they can kill two million people.

They can do that, and there will not be any kind of meaningful meaningful consequence.

The Arab world's not going to do anything about it.

Yeah, yeah.

There's not going to be any.

So

the humanitarian solution is for Israel, likewise, to just blow up the Al-Aqsa mosque and build the third temple.

Right.

And get people to die.

They need the red cow.

They need a red cow.

A lot less people will die.

The Arab world will do nothing except get mad.

There might be like a little bit of terrorism, but nobody's going to die.

You build the third temple, and then nothing happens, and then we can stop.

But where's the third temple?

Because, like, people like Joel.

Oh, it has to be somewhere specific.

Because I'm saying they're building huge churches now.

There must be a temple that exists on the temple.

You got to build it to the third.

You got to build a Migdash.

Okay.

You got to build it where the temple is.

Do we have a Beisa Migdash again?

No, they have to do it there.

Oh, it's the Jewish third temple?

Yeah.

The Jewish third temple, and that's evangelicals are breeding the red heifer.

In Texas, they're breeding a red cow.

That's what kind of drove it.

That's what they need to make a sacrifice

at the base of Migdash of a red cow.

Because it says in the Bible.

I feel like they should have been able to do this already.

Well, Nick's saying they should try it.

They didn't have enough.

First of all, the cows didn't even exist in Israel until the 1980s.

But they can't sacrifice a different cow?

No, it has to be a red heifer.

And it has to be, you have to have a certain amount because

you need that to purify all of the Jewish dialogue.

You know what my whole thing is?

Listen,

there's nothing I don't believe

to a point of,

like if you told me there was an afterlife, I'd be like, sure,

that's just as plausible as us being Santa.

Like, whatever.

You said there's nothing you don't believe.

Look, it could happen.

I don't know.

Okay.

Santa could happen.

So it doesn't exist currently, but there could be a Santa.

I don't know.

I haven't seen anything.

But bottom line, I'm not sure.

How about the nightmare before Christmas?

Do you believe that?

If there's Halloweenville, Halloween town, and then Christmas.

Is it possible for just that possible person to go to Christmas land and then become Santa?

If there's an afterlife, it's as possible as that we're here.

Okay.

My whole thing with organized religions and their narrative like this, they need a red heifer cow or this and that, is like how specific.

Like I could understand to a religious person, okay, yeah, maybe there's something greater than us, whether it's a god, it's energy, it's whatever you think, I'm down.

But to say like there's such a specific narrative, it's like Mary married this and had a baby and then, you know, it's like, and the sun and the, you know, it's just like, it's too specific.

The red heifer and this, it's like, it's too specific a narrative.

If you had something more general,

it's the specificity that sort of bolsters the belief.

That's

from making it.

Well, it's not because it's a story.

From the outside, you're like, yeah, they need a red cow.

I mean, it just seems absurd and crazy.

But if you're in the religion and the source of all of the red cow stuff and all of that specificity is also saying over 75 years these things will happen.

And they seem specific, but you could like vaguely apply that to different times in history.

Then these people, that's our entire community, it's like, okay, the state of Israel is created.

Like

there's a war from these outside nations and Israel wins despite all odds and like all of these things.

It's like the specifics.

That's why I think it's on the rise, is because a lot of it, a lot of, and it all comes from like Ezekiel and Revelation.

So these were like predictions that now were

in the Bible.

Oh, okay.

So evangelicals in America see this and they think these, this is, oh, it's happening now.

Yeah.

And at the bottom of it is just like a very basic

thing that's true about human psychology is that your brain is designed to solve problems and see connections and things.

And so like there's always, especially if you're already involved in the religion, but you're going to look at something that says, like, oh, it says all of these things are going to happen, and you're going to try and make that true.

Right, exactly.

It's like when you start looking, you know, it's like, oh, I always, you know, I have a lucky number.

I'm starting to see it all the time.

Well, you're more intuned to looking at it.

But they can't understand something so simple as that.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

It's like

the idea will continue to persist, but the humanitarian secular answer is literally to just blow up that fucking mosque and just build the third temple.

But wait, that mosque, can't that just be the third temple?

What is it now?

The mosque?

There's a specific design for the third temple.

But it's also, it's a mosque.

It's not.

It's a temple, though.

It's not a.

Yeah, but it has to be a synagogue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It has to be a little bit of a terrible.

And it has to be where that mosque is.

But how long has that mosque been there?

Since

1,300 years.

So it's been there forever.

So why would it also be there?

The second temple was destroyed in the early,

like right after the they built a mosque

over that.

Like the, what you build.

Did they build a mosque over that?

It was the, what was it, the Babylonians that destroyed it?

You know what?

I feel like Hashem.

I feel like God would understand if we built a third one.

Let's say you believe this.

I feel like God would understand, listen, it was already a thing there.

We moved it over a couple of feet.

Yeah.

And we built it here.

Like, what kind of a God is not like, unless you get me my exact thing?

What is he like, King Tat?

Well, God from 6,000 years ago.

Yeah.

The God from the Old Testament is like a, like a, like a messy bitch.

No, literally.

It's like it has to be exactly.

It's a completely different.

Can you say that?

He has like the designs to see it.

You can go back to biblical times and try and do somebody.

He's a gay

explain Sandra O to them.

Like just, yeah, it's like, you know, well, she's like an actress.

She was great and sideways.

Yeah.

Oh, she was.

I watched that on the show.

I love that movie.

I love that movie.

And I thought, you know what?

When I saw it, I was a kid.

And I thought it was so boring.

But I didn't know what the hell was going on.

It's so good.

I watched it recently.

It's so good.

I watched it in Tampa with Caleb.

It's really good.

So us.

It's really good.

I want to do a trip like that with Nick one day.

Speaking of.

Yeah, speaking of.

Okay, I'm getting water while you do this.

Okay, speaking of.

I'm going to get water.

If you want water, I'll get you water.

Oh, we were on on a bad start.

I'll get you water.

You'll see.

Make sure to use the cool setting rather than the cold one too.

I am using cool because of his stitches.

The middle button.

This is a medical thing, okay?

Do you see this guy?

Middle button, I got it.

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Welcome back, Robbie.

Thank you.

You got to get, you got to, where is it?

Give her one.

Here, Robbie, here's the product.

What is this?

So it's flavored air.

Oh, I love that.

I've been saying they should have something like this.

What we have is a bunch of these, so you can take that home with you.

Wait, I've been saying they should have this.

So try it out.

So open it up.

The packaging is really nice.

Really nice.

These are the cores.

So you got to put it in.

It's very artisanal.

And look how heavy that is.

Feel that.

That's part of it.

Look how heavy that is.

Feel how heavy this is.

I know, it's nice.

It's natural material.

It's really nice.

This is like substantial.

That's actually why I wanted you to try on the watch, is to feel the weight of it.

I love something that's a little hefty and substantial.

I have a dress watch that's very light that I love for that, but I love feeling like I'm ready to go.

No, what?

My dress watch was nothing.

It's a Hamilton.

There you go.

So, this flavor core is crisp mint.

Load that into the fume.

It's like loading a gun.

Am I doing it right, though?

Yeah, load it.

Oh, my God.

It's like loading a gun.

See, it's like loading a gun.

Okay, and see the bottom?

See the bottom of the wood?

So you can control the amount of air that you're pulling.

So I like to choke it down like only a little bit of air, so it feels like you're really pulling on that.

But where do you, you don't blow out?

You blow up.

There's no vapor.

You're not supposed to say either of those.

No, it says instead of vapor, it's flavored air.

Oh, okay.

But what do you do?

There's no, I want, I, you know what I do want?

A little bit of

that is what you want.

You want this?

You want this, Robbie?

No, I can't.

The taste.

The taste the first time you tried it.

Wow, I don't think I, this is perfect for me.

Just it's amazing, isn't it?

The taste is great.

You know what?

No?

We already had to.

Have you had a

we had to redo the first 10 minutes of the podcast over your

okay, well fine.

You want to start on a new start, so I'll say exactly.

This is exactly what I've been looking for my whole fucking life.

Is this to blow air that has a little bit of a gum in it?

Thank you, Robbie.

Okay, think of a refreshing herbal tea.

It is a great,

it really is a great thing to play with.

That's what that's.

Is this ruining this?

No, it's just.

You can do it all day.

It's like a fidget spinner.

I did the same thing.

I picked it up.

I'm like, oh, it's kind of like a fidget spinner, but they designed it like that on purpose so you can fidget with it.

And what's like this has like two pieces.

Is that anything?

Or just designed to hold it?

It's nice to hold it.

It's incredibly well weighted, it's perfectly balanced, and it's extremely fun to fidget with.

Yeah, it's like two, you can have it like if you have like a string or something, you can

yeah, I'm a fidgety type of person.

I fidget with my hair.

This is helpful for me.

It's designed for people with tactile fixations and all that.

Yeah, because I do this with my hair a piece since the third grade.

And my teacher said that I would go bald by sixth grade.

I never did, so I continue to do it.

But it's not great for my hair.

It's no question.

No, it's not great.

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no no no no you're easily

no, no, you can't say s.

I've been doing so good.

I know, it's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

We had a phone call.

They're mad at you.

We'll go back through it and we'll make the

you didn't do anything.

You made it incredible and you a lot of that is.

And it matches what I'm wearing.

It's kind of classy.

It's classy.

It's got real natural materials.

Wood.

Thank you.

I'm going to keep that.

Start the good habit at try.

I'm going to see that staying.

Fume.com slash T-A-F-S.

You know what makes me think of?

Remember, you don't see them anymore, but you know the thing executives used to have on their desks?

The

pen quill?

No, no, no, no, the

bird.

Yeah, that's a bad thing.

Oh, I love that thing.

Yeah, yeah, I love that thing.

I love that thing.

I love that thing.

Not the Newton ball.

I love that thing.

Yeah, yeah.

This thing.

No.

No.

Not the drinking bird.

Can I have your real name?

Don't you think now that the commercial is over, if it had a vape

but no nicotine, that would be perfect.

We'll we'll wait till to say that word.

We'll clean, don't worry, you're phenomenal.

You know what?

I've watched your show.

Most guests, they get questions, this and that.

So that's the talk show.

You're on the Adam Free Land Show podcast.

Is it video?

Yes, it is.

Both are video.

Both are video, yes.

So you can't ask me questions because we're not.

I'll ask you a question.

Okay.

Okay.

So, Robbie.

Nick, did we do okay on this film?

Yeah.

Yeah, we did great.

Good.

We did great.

So, Robbie, you know, one of these things is a bird that balances on the bag.

I love

the fucking bird.

Yeah.

What is it, magnet or weight?

Yeah, I think it's just a weight.

Weight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love those kind of things.

Yeah.

Nick, did you like those toys that like were like

two things interlocked that you had it was like a puzzle?

yeah yeah yeah you were good at those well I don't know if I was good at it my dad was always really good at those that was just like remember how the mall used to have like a discovery store yes the mall would have there's that and maybe there's a Smithsonian store I miss fucking around at the mall and poking in you know you go into the radio shack you Brookstone sitting on the massage chairs yeah but you just pussed around I love the mall

anyway yeah

the things we lost

we really did lose that.

A lot of stuff.

That culture was great.

Yeah.

You grew up right by a mole.

Yeah, and then that mall did not survive the 07 recession.

You know what it really killed was like the mid-tier

like restaurant, like Ruby Tuesdays and Mennegan's and all those places.

I just want to go.

I guess Applebee's is the only thing that

they're all shitty.

They're so bad.

But you used to have options.

You know what I mean?

It's like, should we go to Chili's?

It's like, nah, let's go to Chevy's instead.

Or Chi-Chi's.

Chi-Chi's just makes salsa now.

Carraba's is still around, too.

It's not macaroni grill anymore.

It's just Carraba's macaroni grill is now Carraba's.

And they run ads everywhere now.

I've been driving a lot and listening to the radio.

So Robbie, you're from Canada, right?

Yeah, I grew up in Montreal.

Do you have an O-1?

No, I'm a dual citizen.

Born in New York.

My mother is from Montreal, and so I was born a dual citizen.

I was hated the way they said it there.

How do you say it?

Well, they have to make it like stinkier just because they're French.

Stinky French.

Why?

How do they say it?

They say Montreal.

I asked a French friend of mine from Paris what it sounds like to him, and he said it sounds like shit the way you guys speak French.

What do you want from that?

He said, it sounds like.

It was divorced.

She was beaten to a pulp for 13 years.

I grew up without a father.

We went there.

I'm not saying it has nothing to do with your father.

Okay.

I share it with my sisters.

We had some cat for the mice.

I don't know what to tell you.

What I'm saying is the accent to them sounds like it's from the 1800s.

Well, it was very bad.

We didn't have French, and we were forced to learn French last minute.

You can't pick up a language.

How's your French?

It's good now, but it was really hard when you're suddenly going to French immersion school.

You're learning math and French.

Did you have to learn other things like menage trois and stuff and having an affair?

We did do that in smoking SIGs.

Yeah, I smoked a SIG in high school.

Yeah.

You learned like more of a French culture.

Yeah, but it was, you know, French, Montreal French culture is just disgusting.

It's like redneck speaking French.

Yeah, it's really the role,

there's a real big rift in the middle.

Don't they not have a word for like car?

Auto?

Yeah, because it's like, well, that's English.

No.

They say.

It's a cognate.

An auto.

What's the word then?

They have word for car.

Oh, you pulled it?

Yeah, they're like fucked up.

He's playing hurt right now.

No.

Do we have ice?

What should we be doing for this?

Oh, fine.

But aren't they like missing words?

Because French was imported like 200 years ago, so they didn't.

The French is so dirty there, it's very like tagged.

And it's one of the words.

You know what?

I'm biased because when you grow up on Anglophone there, and it's such, they're so mad at you that you're not learning French fast enough.

Like, hey, you learn French, but my accent isn't good.

Like,

it's a second language.

You know, it's not, it's actually a third language.

So, for me, so it's like I'm doing the best, and it's not good enough for me.

It's like, you know, I remember then I finally knew French.

I'm working now in Montreal, one of my first jobs.

And we go out after work, a sank a set, five years.

You're an accountant?

Yeah.

And we go out, and the waiter comes, and I'm speaking French with all my colleagues, whatever.

The waiter comes, I order in English.

They said, why'd you order in English?

You know, I mean,

but I said, I prefer to speak English.

I told it to my French colleague, and it's like they're insults.

It's like, I actually don't love speaking French.

I prefer to speak English.

It's not,

they take it so personally.

It's like, it's nothing to take personal.

I also don't like playing soccer.

It's not,

should I lie to you and say, oh, I know.

And they all speak English, too.

They speak English, but they make it a point.

It's the same in Paris, too.

They're rude about it.

Yeah, it's like rude about it.

It's like, bitch, I learned the shit.

It's not going to be perfect.

You don't speak fuck all.

Your English accent sounds like trash.

Yeah.

I asked a French friend of mine recently to do like, you know how we do like a stereotypical Chinese accent in English?

I'm like, what does that sound like?

The French version?

To do a real stereotypical.

And I asked Chinese and he did it.

And I'm like, that just sounds like

French to me.

And I was like, can you do like an African accent?

And to me, to my ear, I was like, that just sounds like French.

And then he did Belgian, and it was like,

and it was like so insulting.

And I could tell, I was like, oh, they look down on these people and think that they're the absolute biggest losers in the entire world.

Montreal has such a, the French there, just in Quebec, they have such an inferiority complex.

Like, they think, like, they, you know, I grew up like hating Toronto.

Like, you were supposed to hate Toronto.

I moved to Toronto.

They embraced me with open arms.

Yeah, but those people are French.

Okay, no, they embrace me.

It was great.

I loved it.

But it's like Toronto's not talking about Montreal that way.

Toronto's like, Montreal's a fun place.

Like, we go, we go for a weekend, we drink, whatever.

It's like in Montreal.

Ah,

they hate the rest of Canada.

It's like they're insecure about something.

That said, it is a better hometown to have than most.

It's the best city in France.

Like, if I get to bring

Canada.

If I get to, you know, I get to bring my girl, my home, that we're going in May, God willing.

I get to bring her to Montreal.

It's like way better.

She's bringing me to Denver.

No, no.

Denver is crap.

No, but do you know what I mean?

It's like, at least I'm bringing her somewhere fucking amazing.

Nick loved Montreal.

You did.

What are you doing now?

I'm checking to see if I'm okay here.

Are you okay?

I don't know.

I hope Nick will follow up.

But

I mean, Montreal was fine.

You went on the boat on the rowboat with Savior at a very romantic day?

No, I mean, we just had something to do during the day.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm kind of.

There's really no part of Canada I thought was like

awesome.

Toronto, I really don't like.

I love it.

It's weird.

There's something like off about Toronto.

There's like a desperation about Toronto.

Really?

Like they really want to be accepted by

as like a cosmopolitan place.

Yeah, there was a coffee shop that had a sign in the window that said our milkshakes bring all the genders to the yard.

And I was like, that's

a good thing in Brooklyn.

No, no, no.

No, not that, because that's

insane.

It's a song from 15, 20 years ago.

Listen, I don't think the U.S.

could talk about being dated.

The style and everything else

the U.S.

is the best.

I was going to say about the halftime show.

It's like, I thought it was bad, but whatever.

I mean, you enjoyed it, whatever.

I like the songs.

All right.

It's that, like, not just the halftime show, but then all the commercials I see, there's references to friends and fucking Ben Affleck.

That would drive me insane.

That's what I'm talking about.

And all of this shit where it's like, this, I could not tell the difference between this Super Bowl and

Super Bowl XXXXIII.

You know, it's like, has culture just like frozen?

I think all commercials are like you get two random celebrities, you get like shit's creep gay guy.

Listen to what I'm saying.

It's that

cultural references are incredibly dated.

But think about why they're doing this.

You know what they showed also at the Super Bowl commercials?

They're redoing Twister.

Really?

Yeah, like we're not even making a new idea.

One of the

celebrities, like,

commercials, they have kid and play.

It's a fucking kid and play event, like, they're like, that's 40 years ago.

I mean, yeah, how as far as 40 years ago.

It's like,

is it 23-year-olds being like, oh, oh, shit,

fucking EP.

But you know what it is?

People watching TV are that.

Because all young people, they're not watching TV.

So the Super Bowl ads for people watching, I think most they're catering to people that are 30 years old who just want to see the same thing over and over again.

All of the culturally relevant stuff was in this Taylor Swift sky box.

Literally.

Yes.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Exactly.

You know, it's just, they cannot make a new thing for love and money.

It's just, it's, it's now, it's just an equation of you need this and action and the, you know, and the stories are so bad.

It's all for kids.

Every superhero movie that they have, I mean, superhero movies are for kids.

I'm over comic books.

I mean, it's just, it's insane.

It's insane.

You know what's the good thing about Gabby?

Is that she didn't hear nothing about it?

Her girlfriend, her girlfriend.

Yeah, she didn't hear nothing bad about Woody Allen.

She doesn't, she was kind of under the rock with that.

She wasn't, so we're, I was texting you, what are the good movies?

And we're watching movies again, and it feels amazing.

I just, I just showed her private parts, Howard Stern's movie.

I love that movie so that incredible movie.

But we are not making narrative movies anymore.

Like cheap, good movies.

But they have to spend $150 million to make a crap movie.

And still the movie's crap.

But morons in the middle of America.

That's why when you talk about taste and style and whatever, you go to Canada, fine.

You went for three days and you didn't, you know, you weren't immersed, fine.

But the majority of this country, I guess, is going to see.

Yeah, but hold on.

That's a comic book.

That's always been true.

That's always been true.

Do you think it's always been true?

Spider-Man 6?

When we were kids, it wasn't always true that we remade the same movie.

So you're saying that Middle America somehow got rapidly dumber since the advent of the movie.

Or yeah,

maybe they knew that they couldn't ask for more.

No, the business changed too.

I just mean that there's nothing really like, but that's what I mean.

It's like Marvel shit does exist.

Because it makes money.

Yeah, but I'm not like during the Super Bowl, you're not seeing like, oh, here's like whoever plays Miles Morales going to.

It's like we need Ross and Rachel from from Friends for a Visa commercial.

And it's like,

they look old.

They look terrible.

They look fucking old.

And the other faction of the Super Bowl commercials had this religious element.

I thought it was a Dr.

Scholes, I thought it was a Dr.

Scholes commercial.

They were washing the feet, washing the feet.

He didn't see the first half.

There was like a Jesus loves gay people ad.

And it was like just some like dad from like Ohio washing like a just like a like a super gay guy's feet and then it just said Jesus at the end.

Yeah, it was all these images of people washing people's feet which I thought would be great for Dr.

Scholz.

It says he gets us.

I would think it's Dr.

Scholz,

you know, who I imagine is a Jew.

I don't know.

And I don't know.

You know, podiatrist of some kind.

I don't know, doctors.

That's not a real doctor, though.

Podiatrist.

Well, whatever, you know what I mean?

And then it says, it was about Jesus.

Jesus didn't hate.

He washed feet.

I'm like, maybe he washed feet a couple of times.

I wouldn't say that he was sitting there scrubbing down like at the, you know, at the manicure place.

He washed, he said, you wash a neighbor's foot, but he was mostly a carpenter.

I have to imagine he wasn't washing feet every single day, like the commercial.

They didn't say what he made, though.

What did he make?

Carpentry?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Cabinets?

But did they talk about like the what, like, what does he make actually?

I always think of that, actually.

Adam.

They say he's a carpenter, but they didn't, like, can he, is he good at dovetail drawing?

We don't even have like the Jesus chair.

There's not one thing that's like famous from him.

No,

literally, Erman Miller or something.

It's like in the Holocaust when we had six million people in labor camps building.

They were building with.

More than six million, actually.

Ten million.

Okay, but we were in labor camps building.

Is there a single building to come out of the Holocaust?

What did we build in six years?

What got done?

Yeah.

Munitions, probably, artilleries.

Except for the war effort?

There's not a single structure.

So what you're saying is that maybe it didn't happen?

The labor, maybe, that didn't happen.

The labor.

Yeah.

I'm saying, I'm not saying that I, you know, that I'm a discussion.

You know what I found out is like, so when they set up the death camps, like the pure death camps towards the end,

is, you know, because you're like, how do you, how do you think?

What's a pure death camp versus the pethole?

Well, there were labor camps.

There were labor camps.

And there were ghettos.

Oh, and then you would die.

Yeah, they didn't start until last, like, what, 18 months when they were like burning them.

Yeah, let's just.

Final solution.

Yeah, when you talk about an industrialized genocide.

But there has to be all this planning that goes into how do you get a bunch of people, you load them off a train, and then you can't just be like, okay, just in the oven, you know, it's like it's just going to cause chaos.

So they would set up, and then I could just...

The showers.

They have little fake towns.

They had little like fake, like, it's like the commissary, and like the, they set up like fake, like, so, like, and when you go to

six flags, they have like the fake storefront.

Yeah.

So that people people get off they're like okay I guess this isn't like right it's like a little community or something they're like yeah you know of course it is and then they're like go through here and then you go through there and then they set up a whole way so that each row like row of people and they had actors

no some of the prisoners they would be like uh hey do you want to help us do this and they'd be like do I have to die and they're like oh they didn't have like loony tunes or any like no they would take some of them and they're like yeah if you just don't tell people what's going on you can be the guy that says the capos yeah yeah

oh very sad the holocaust yeah really terrible terrible very funny that they made props yeah yeah yeah the the like they made it like a yeah like a yeah like a post office and a saloon and a town hall

oh my god thinking about it makes me sad it's crazy i watched schindler a couple i've never seen it i gotta i gotta see it it's a great movie is it really good have you seen it nick i like ralph

i like ralphines i only saw it once and then i watched it a second time recently.

And it was good.

Hello.

Oh, my God.

I cried my eyes out.

So sad.

Just a good man, that Shindler.

I got in an argument with a friend of mine,

a Jew, who's like a know-it-all type.

And I said, I was like, I'm kind of feeling Schindler.

Like, you want to come over and watch Schindler?

And he said, they're way better.

They're way better Holocaust movies.

I wanted to kill him.

I wanted to punch him in the face.

Who's the best Holocaust movie?

You've seen The Pianist?

Pianist is good.

Adrian Brody.

That kid was good.

I told you, my dad and I got my dad got really mad.

Yeah, well, yeah.

He had such a lame thing to come up with.

Yeah.

Mm-mm.

Everyone was protecting this guy just because he knows piano.

But the heroes were the resistance fighters that were protecting him.

And that my dad was mad also that he stayed in Warsaw after the war.

after what they did.

I know, but it's like, you know what I mean when you can't move?

It's such a big schlep.

Do you have to move now?

You just got out of the Holocaust.

I got to set up a truck.

It's just like, let me just get back.

And he's got a piano, too, probably.

He has a piano.

He's lucky his house was still there.

Like, you go back.

No, but I'm saying, if you're after, you go to your apartment, you dust it off, like, fuck.

Let's just get our bearings again.

There's got to be a lot of people.

People have so much judgment for what people did after the Holocaust.

Like, your dad, what?

Shut up.

You're in Vegas.

He was in Africa, like, buying and selling slaves.

My dad was not alive during the Holocaust.

No, but it's like what he says.

It's like, we shouldn't be judging what people did after this.

He was doing neither of that.

They did what the hell they did.

For the record, yeah.

Do you have any questions for me?

What's LA like?

Yeah, what's LA like?

It's a dump.

It's Hollywood like.

It's a dump.

You've been.

We're in L.A.

Echo Park.

I mean, yeah, it's all.

It's got a great place.

Yeah, I'm in Echo Park, a really nice apartment.

Yeah.

You stayed.

Yeah.

Oh,

uh d are you w are you ever considering getting your your car switched to manual?

No.

Do you think

as a car guy?

Do you think it's for someone?

To do a manual swap on what?

Porsche.

I have a very old, I I not very old, 2007.

I got it actually for $14,000.

I sold my other car for $9,000.

So really it was like nothing.

But I've already banged it up quite a bit.

I'm not a great parker.

Here's the thing what I do with parking.

When I'm bumped.

It's not not a 9-11.

Then I'm in.

No, it's base Cayman.

People who love Porsche hate my car.

What do you think about that?

I'm not a Porsche guy.

I don't really give a shit.

He doesn't give a shit.

But he knows a lot about cars.

Well, I just like cars in general.

Like, what cars?

Because the Porsche guy's, that's like a watch thing.

It's a Rolex Porsche guy kind of thing.

It's like a DuPont registry sort of thing.

She's kind of a dandy.

Well, I like it.

You know, this is kind of more of a sentimental.

Because you're not good at parking.

I mean, in LA, it's like you're dependent on everybody else.

Exactly.

That's why I bought an old car.

I'll never buy a new car.

If you're street parking your car, that's what's crazy about fucking bed styles.

Like, there's like guys that have half a million-dollar cars.

These would be our Rolls-Royce just parked out on the street.

Yeah, if buying a new car or buying a fan shop.

Show Nick a picture.

He'll like your old car.

Show him a picture of your car.

I bought a Toota Corolla from 1983.

That's a nice car.

I had it for seven years.

I bought it for $3,600.

Pretty good.

But the reason, and let's see, I have it here.

Was it a hatchbag?

Me driving.

Somebody took this picture of me and it was posted on some car thing.

It worked amazing, but I couldn't say no to the money once it was like, it was vintage and in COVID it grew up.

So I was like, you know what?

I could use it.

How many miles did it have on it?

It had 140.

And you bought that in LA?

I bought it in LA.

That's the cool thing about Southern California.

There's a bunch of cars and they're all in good shape.

Yeah, because you have no ice, you have no snow.

You know, the Porsche thing is I grew up, my father loved Porsche.

Now, I don't have a relationship with my father.

We're estranged.

He's, you know, demented and very sick, I think, probably.

But I really don't know anything about him.

But there's a few of them.

Well, actually, we have him here today.

Let's get it up for Robbie's back.

Thank you.

But, you know.

This is more sentimental, but

as I grow up and think about him at my age, and he had all these kids, he had 10 kids by 30 and the stress and all this stuff, I start to like enjoy the ways in which I do have a relationship with him through myself.

So it's like he liked that car.

I grew up for whatever reason with a reverence for that car.

No matter what, it's in you from before five.

He loved that.

I remember.

So for me, when I'm driving that car, even if it's the shittiest version of it, it's old, it's whatever, it's banged up, I just get to enjoy the ways in which I'm like him or

what things he liked.

We share

materials.

Yeah, through something, through something like a material thing.

Versus, that's the only reason I liked that car and knew of that car.

It's not like I know every other car.

I really just know that car.

Nick knows everybody Leno.

You know what I mean?

I wouldn't say that I know about cars.

I just, if I could do that.

And I always liked small cars just generally, just being somebody who grew up in cities in New York and Montreal.

It's just a truck.

Like now everybody has like mat, like I'm small and fast.

The car is small and fast.

It feels very like it matches.

I wouldn't, you know, I don't see myself in an SUV.

I know friends who, they don't even, you know, it's just them.

They have an SUV.

It's like they got to park that.

They got to move around with that.

It's just, it's big.

Well, that being said, let's keep an eye out for what?

What?

Eye out for what?

I don't know.

I just want to settle this watch thing.

What's the settle?

Thanks for joining us.

She wanted Nick to feel nice.

Thanks for joining us.

And you violated Nick by thanks for joining us, everybody.

I'll be in Columbus this weekend.

Guys, I will be next month in Boston and Detroit.

What did you say?

One of the worst things I've ever done is this podcast interview.

Why?

Just was.

Just was because of your shitty animals.

No, there was an animosity from the get-go.

No, there wasn't.

I came in with a positive complaint about how long it was.

Sharing.

Sharing.

Sharing.

I will be in London, England

next month at the Soho Theater.

Go check that out.

And Robbie's podcast is Too Far?

May 2nd.

May 2nd at the Bell House in New York.

I will be doing stand-up.

You can listen to my podcast, Too FarPod, wherever you find podcast.

And definitely, this is the part where the guest usually says, thank you for having me.

Thank you so much, guys, for having me.

I really appreciate this.

Thank you.

Bye, Rob.

Thank you.

See you.

Thanks, Robbie.

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