The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 38

It's not hard to breathe easier.

With an Intellipure air purifier filtering out the tiniest particles of mold, irritants, allergens, and other airborne icks, you can rest assured that the air in your home is clean.

Don't wait.

Shop Intellipure.com now.

A happy place comes in many colors.

Whatever your color, bring happiness home with Certipro Painters.

Get started today at Certapro.com.

Each Certipro Painters business is independently owned and operated.

Contractor license and registration information is available at certopro.com.

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

Nick, once again,

is not here.

He will be back.

He's on special assignment right now.

You guys are going to find out why

maybe in the next six months.

I was going to say in a couple of weeks, but everything is taking forever right now.

We have two special guests.

You guys want to introduce yourselves from the Joy Tactics podcast?

Hello, I'm Jack Ben Singer.

I make up one of the three members of Joy Tactics.

It's a good intro.

Wow.

What's up, everybody?

My name is Eric Rahill, and I'm another member of the Joy Tactics podcast.

Is that how you start everything?

Is you make the people slate?

Is that normal?

Or is it because we're not kind of...

I really think it's an incredibly unpleasant thing to do to a guest.

It is kind of a little bit of a sinister, evil thing.

And I don't know why.

But we bodied it.

Well, you said, what's up?

So it was more likely to be.

Well, I made it casual immediately.

Yeah.

He was was on the spot.

He was sweating.

He was freaking out.

But that's how you can break somebody.

That's how you get the nerves out and get to a really good office.

Military side.

Military side.

I was very military as well.

Yeah.

Did you ever consider it military?

When I was a child.

Really?

What branch?

Tank.

Tank.

Really?

Yeah.

I really did want to be a tank driver.

Driver.

Well, and operator.

Really?

Driver.

What's the difference, operator and driver?

I think because the operators are firing the

gut cannons.

So you want to do

a tank driver with a pistol out the fucking little slit.

Oh, that's good.

Driving.

You don't have enough hands for all that, brother.

Yeah, not yet.

You'll kill somebody else.

Pistol, missile, and then

leave the missile to someone else, but give me the pistol.

Booner take the wheel.

I wouldn't be like that.

Did you see the Pamela Tom

porn when we were kids?

On a boat.

On the boat, right?

Wait, I did see it.

I did see it.

Navy style.

I got really sad when I was like a little kid.

I saw that, and I saw him driving the boat with his penis, and I was like...

Did he really?

Tommy Lee?

Yeah, he's got dick on the wheel or on the gas?

Yeah, like Matt and Johnson.

And I was like, I'm never going to get married.

I could never drive a boat.

That guy has obviously an average-sized penis.

Right.

But now look who she's with.

She's with the nerd, Edward Snowden.

Mm-hmm.

Sadly.

That's what happens.

No, she's with her.

She's not with the song.

Oh, yeah.

Is that allowed?

What's her name?

Anna Nicole Smith?

Oh, Pamela Anderson.

All right, Pamela Anderson.

An enemy of the state.

So can't she and Ghislaine be in the same type of...

How is she not now under arrest?

I didn't get that name wrong.

How do you mean?

Before the episode, you said, I've never seen the office.

I'm a hipster.

I only know skateboard.

Yeah.

And now you called the most beautiful woman of our lives.

She's laying.

The wrong name.

Well, then,

it's so easy to deal with this because a lot of people would come confrontational watchers.

I'm sorry.

Now we move on.

That's how we do it on our podcast

clean and you want to sorry is actually like bad i'm sorry fire thanks really i look like right now you do no yeah you went polite oh i thought you meant

you look great i look shit i look you got no you have a dog and there's no hair on your hat you know what i'm saying wow are you lint rolling before you leave the apartment um no I just keep you don't?

I keep the dog outside.

In Brooklyn?

On the fire escape, yeah.

Classic.

It's like a neighborhood walking.

New York-style thing.

Fame has gotten to you.

Yeah, I torture dogs.

Can you persecute a dog if it kills somebody?

No.

I don't know.

Yeah, persecute?

You mean like in a court?

Yeah.

I know that it's not.

You definitely do.

That's funny to say persecute, though.

Why?

That's the right word.

If you're like

a terrible murderer and

you're saying, I'm being persecuted for a violent crime.

I see what you're saying.

Like you're the victim.

Like the moral thing.

Like you're the victim, yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Well.

So she's with Julian Assange.

But just friends, right?

No, he's hitting it.

No.

You know, too.

He's doing Assange's back shots.

No, no.

Constant.

No, that's what he.

No, he thinks you think he's been Assange that he's all about the brain, but it's always those types.

It's his Riz.

It's a Riz style.

It's left Riz.

Sweet.

Why haven't they made a movie about him yet?

Assange?

Yeah.

Because they made Snowden with, what's his name?

What?

Will Smith?

No, they made the Edward Snowden movie with Joseph Gordon Levitt, right?

Oh, remember that?

No.

No.

Everybody go watch that.

One of the most beautiful movies.

Who was in it?

Joseph Gordon Levitt?

Mr.

Levitt.

And what's there?

Because they have to pick a side.

I don't know.

I don't know.

What's up?

I'm trying to hide.

Who has to pick the side?

The audience?

The filmmaker's responsibility.

Oh.

Are you going to condone what Julian Assange has done to this business?

No, Edward Snowden.

And not Edward Norton.

Jack is like so nervous.

I just know that fucking Julian Assange is going to be watching this from fucking Moscow.

I bet he probably could be.

Yeah, he might be.

Is he on

Twitter?

Is he on what?

Twitter.

Still?

I don't know.

I don't use it.

You're off of

it?

Yeah, I don't know.

I have a girlfriend.

There's no reason.

Yeah.

That's nice.

So you don't need the big Tommy Lee style penis to fall in love.

I still think I do.

Timothy, Tommy Lee.

I still think they want me to drive a boat with my penis.

Even if I can't, and they're like, I don't care about that kind of stuff.

I'm like,

come on.

It doesn't need to be big to drive a pen.

To drive a penis.

You want to own a boat, Adam?

You want a boat badly?

I'm not responsible, no.

So you want to lease one and you want to hire a driver?

You want to have a below deck style crew?

Yeah, I don't know.

But they've been conspiring against me.

No, no, they love you.

No, they've been.

They're like all fans.

No, come on.

All the people who work for you, even in this building, are like so much, so happy.

No, but if they loved you, like crazy, would you want a crew?

No, then that weird.

Too much power.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't want them to put me on a pedestal.

Respect.

I want them to see my flaws.

Yeah, got it.

You're different.

Co-op yacht.

Co-op yacht?

Right.

You share it with other people.

Yeah, everybody.

Who would you want to share it with?

Ryan Reynolds?

Gosling?

Oh, my God.

Oh, Ryan Reynolds.

You, Gosling, Reynolds, Jackman.

Especially divorced.

He's kind of doing his Playboy shit.

You, Jackman?

Yeah.

You said Jackman?

Jackman.

Jackman.

Yeah, yeah.

Would you call my name now?

Oh, Jackman.

Oh, Jackman.

Yeah.

You try to start that as a nickname?

Jackman?

Yeah.

That'd be cool.

Jack Man.

Have you ever tried to start your own nickname before?

The Cube.

It's a really pathetic move to like to be like.

You have to be granted one.

My friend, before college, he made his Facebook

name

he had a nickname in quotes that he'd given himself called Last Cup.

That's what?

Last Cup.

Oh, but

in Pong, he always hits that Last Cup.

Oh, okay.

And then the people that were at the college were like, let's bully last cup when he gets to school next year.

I'd kick his ass.

There was a guy that went to my college who had a bad drinking problem, and they were doing vodka shots, vodka Pong, drinking, you know, shots of vodka instead of Barbara.

That's not funny.

And he went to the hospital one night after playing that, nearly died, had to get a, I believe, a liver transplant.

And after college, went around the country touring, talking about the dangers of alcohol.

As a comedian?

So he turned that into a comedy.

Yeah, was it as a comedian?

No.

It was an A-list comedian, though.

You can't say who, man.

You can't say who.

It's Kevin Hart.

Really?

You went to college with him?

Yeah, a little older than I seem.

Where'd you go to college?

Pace University.

Really?

Yeah.

No, shit.

I remember thinking I wanted to go to Pace University because that was where the Inside the Actor Studio was.

Wow, Badley Cooper.

No, it was at.

No, it was Pace.

Where is that?

No, it was at the new school, I thought.

No, I believe it.

Maybe they switched, but at some point it was Pace University.

That's kind of my career goal, is James Lipson.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, he's gone.

Not to beat his ass?

To beat James Lipson's ass.

No, to be Liston.

Oh, to be him.

Well,

you're on the track.

Yeah.

We got to get you at award shows, at

Oscars,

at the Globes.

How do you see him?

Like a Ricky Gervais style, like

truth, the other thing.

Killing everyone.

You're crazy, man.

Yeah.

Who's going to defend you your god you guys all like to get fucking me

me too

i know y'all like to get me too with whatever different

y'all like getting me too'd that's good he he did that at the golden club too he said y'all yeah he's british i know y'all like getting me too

meryl streep was like yeah dapped him up yeah she know she was like raising her hand she's like oh it was a rhetorical she's always there she's always there dude i'm sick of her she was yo no she was missing from the emmys she's missing she was missing from...

She doesn't do TV, dude.

She's too.

Oh, that's what it is.

She doesn't do TV.

But her daughter does.

On the gold, the Gilded Age.

Who's her daughter?

She's the star of the Gilded Age.

That's cool.

Really?

What's that show about?

It's about the

Age of Consent.

Can we do this with the strike?

Huh?

The strike's over, brother.

Where you been, dude?

You've been asleep?

Jack's been.

I've been on the picket line.

Really?

Yeah.

No.

Sorry.

What's the Gilded Age?

It's about.

y'all probably want to know about the Gilded Age.

Let's hear it.

It's about New York, late 1800s.

It's about the wealth gap.

It's kind of about new money coming into Vanderbilt-style money

coming into.

And who plays the old money?

The old money, they're all just kind of like...

Oh, you know who plays old money is what's her name?

Red hair from Sex in the City.

Isla Fisher.

Miranda?

Miranda is, but she's kind of nice.

One of my favorite actors of all time.

I know.

She's great.

She's politically minded.

What?

As well.

Oh, you've never seen Sex Sex in the City?

No, I was going to ask her what the actor's name was.

You don't like that.

I haven't seen a lot of TV shows.

Have you seen that one?

No.

It's the best.

It was one of the best.

Sex in the City?

I gotta see.

You would like it.

Yeah.

Well,

I should look to it then.

Yeah.

I actually, when I was a kid, the first time I watched it, because it had sex in it, I thought, I was like, I'm going to try a beat.

Did you want to date Carrie?

No, I hate Carrie.

Really?

You had the instinct?

Even though she's so sexy.

She drives me nuts.

She drives me nuts.

You had the instinct as as a child

too much.

I'm a Charlotte, man.

Charlotte.

She's too.

Charlotte has taste.

Just...

She's too perfect.

You know what I'm saying?

And Samantha,

she's a freak.

Sexual freak.

She's a freak, though.

Okay, so Samantha's a freak.

Charlotte's annoying.

No, you put that on me.

No, no, no.

I'm not.

Why did you

people like me who are alphas who like basketball and shit?

Yeah.

Who didn't watch these shows?

She doesn't like basketball.

I love basketball.

I've talked to you about it before.

You're a waste of 6-8.

Don't do this to me publicly, man.

You're a waste of 6-8.

One time I asked you if you've

dunked before, and you were like offended about it.

As if it's your identity or something.

Oh, I tried to dunk with it.

I'm so sick of people asking if I dunk.

Dunk with the wins on.

I'm sick of it.

Look at the why?

Because I can't do it, man.

I'm six fucking five and I can't fucking dunk.

It's pathetic.

It's fucking pathetic.

I would die tomorrow from one dunk in-game.

What about slam balls?

If you did a dunk, you would pass away from excitement.

I would make a deal with the devil.

Oh, yeah.

Give me one.

And then I die.

Wow.

What about just lower the hoop then?

Doesn't count.

You want it to be for the glory.

Lower the hoop.

I was just watching a highlight reel of people who are 5'6 dunking.

They could do that.

A lot of them.

Who's the littlest person ever to be in the NBA?

Oh, Muggsy Bogues.

Duh.

What?

And how tall was he?

5'5'8.

5'3?

5'3?

What year was this?

1936?

The 1990s.

No, really?

5'3?

He and the Mugsy Bones?

Bogues.

Who do you play for?

Mike Sigs.

Oh, shit.

Okay, I don't call him that.

That's sick.

No, yeah.

He played for the Charlotte Hornets.

Is he shooting threes?

Is he slicing

Achilles?

Slicing the Achilles.

Breaking his knife.

Checking that's kill Bill, dude.

Oh, gotta watch that, too.

You've never seen that?

We haven't hung out enough for you to know this about me.

What do you do?

Jack plays Halo.

he does love halo you do too much love uh too much love romance and love yeah

i was twerking for my girlfriend last night

no i didn't really she makes you do that no kind of diminishing when's the last time you grinded um for real grinded not joking uh barbarians bar misfa bar mitfa is the last how many years ago so when was that 20 years ago yeah about two years ago i was at a bar mitzvah where they predicted the pandemic

Oh, what?

They broke social distance?

And you were grinding?

I wasn't grinding because they warned us not to grind.

This is what, February 2020.

Yeah, I mean, I remember you come back being like, they told me.

They told us that it's over.

They say COVID is about to drop the Jews that planned it.

They were up on the Upper West Side.

They just had fucking crazy pieces of paper with plans all over the wall.

And I was like, I'm not going to ask.

I'm just going to throw candy at the dude with the fucking GoPro on his head.

You know what I'm talking about?

The Bar Misfil boy had a GoPro ever since?

No, the rabbi rabbi when he wraps the fucking tofuin around his head oh it's like a GoPro that's cool that's cool that's fire that's bars that's bars that's bars that's baritz you you you don't know the reference but it's bars I know I'm so Christian coded yeah

Christian coded did you grow up Christian coded I grew up Christian coded man

what you you still are a believer no I'm not really it's church gervais yeah baby gervaise gervais style yeah or horseman I've been trying to just talk to him about it ricky exchange ideas

like derek i would assume yo i found a comic today uh that's gonna be playing at like the punchline atlanta or something oh my god his name is derek with a c d-e-r-i-c maybe you know him derek caill doesn't that sound like a fake name for me if i saw that derek caill i would have like a fucking crazy panic attack if i saw someone named like it disturbed meak hensinger

sound like a bill i don't know a don

Friedland.

Yeah.

Well, that's a stage.

It's a stage name.

Oh, yours is a stage name.

Yeah.

My real name is Cedric the Entertainer.

There was already one in show business.

Mr.

Cedric.

Where does Cedric start?

I was going to be Cedric B.

Entertainer, like Michael B.

Jordan.

Oh, that's good.

Remember Meta World Peace?

Yeah.

You could be Adam World Peace.

Like,

I don't think that's comedy.

It's not funny, World Peace.

Wars, blood.

That's funny.

That's dude.

Dark shit.

Blue.

If you're talented, that's funny.

If you could make something so crazy funny, that's talent.

Yeah.

What's the term?

Are we annoying?

No, I'm loving it.

All right.

This is so white.

Oh, did you see Michael B.

Jordan get interviewed by his bully from high school?

No.

On the red carpet?

No.

She rolls up.

She says, Michael?

Female bully?

It was a girl?

They exist.

I would kill myself.

I would would kill.

I would kill myself.

Self-tool.

Bully.

Whoops.

Wait, who booked that?

Who booked the bully?

Pal?

No, it's a red carpet.

She's like a journalist standing

on the fence or whatever.

We know where the bulls are.

Do you know where they're holding the mics over and there?

She's like, Michael.

And he's like, she's like, remember me from high school?

And he's like, yeah, corny one, right?

What?

That was corny, right?

No, can you pull it up right now?

I don't have my phone on me.

I don't keep it on me like that.

Really?

Wow.

To my jacket.

wow to my smooth face

whoops if he does that wait so he was mad at the woman and then he no no no that's what's curious style no no this is how you would react no i wouldn't i would never i would never i would never you hang your dog out a window in fort green oops now i say that you live there

you're my neighbor

all right we live a block away from that i know but yeah

And you guys don't chill?

That's interesting.

What are you talking about?

We just accidentally chilled the other day.

I planned it as like a funny thing.

Oh, that's right.

I knew that you were getting lunch underneath my apartment.

And I was like, oh, I'm going to walk in, take a picture of Jack, and send it to him.

To disturb him.

I'm so fucking horny.

Wow.

Yeah.

He got me.

He got your ass.

What were you saying about Michael B.

Jordan?

All I was saying was

his reaction was.

Let's talk about...

No.

I'm happy to talk about this.

I just want to finish this.

He had a master class on a calm reaction.

He said, corny, right?

He said, corny, right?

No, it's all good.

What do you want to ask me?

Then he gave it.

That wasn't calm.

That's passively aggressive.

No, well, he just maybe overacted it.

He did it so smooth.

Creed style.

Creed style.

Creed style.

He had four movies to perfect it.

Corny, right?

Like that.

Is that too intense?

That's a little intense.

Okay, so happier.

Yeah.

Corny, right?

I remember you.

That's threatening.

Corny.

How do you say it?

Corny, right?

Okay,

I gotta look this up.

We gotta break down this clip.

Oh, add time.

Do you have a bully, Eric?

Ad time?

I never, nobody ever

bullied my ass.

Yeah, you did get bullied.

Barely.

You want us to be quiet for the ad?

All right.

No, you can, look, we can riff on it.

Wow.

No, hit the ad.

Okay, we got a

new thing.

Highlight it.

Okay, so this is printed black and white, right?

And it says items highlighted in yellow are mandatory.

Is there high to say gray?

Yeah.

The gray yellow?

Is that what is the case?

You're fucking smart.

I love it.

Okay.

Guys,

one of.

I remember this.

Start over again.

Unique New York.

Okay.

Folks, we have an ad.

It's a fat.

Did you know that learning actually makes a sound?

Whoa.

Was that me?

And I would say, say this with respect because someone put some effort into it.

There's a 22-year-old.

And by the way, she's probably fine as shit.

She's probably fine as shit.

You never know.

You just never know.

Did you know that learning actually makes a sound?

It's true.

I'm hooked, by the way.

That's a great sentence.

Me too.

Oh, play Babel SFX.

All right, Ginsburg, let's run again.

We need to play the Babel SFX for this.

I'll do it in post.

I f are I'm.

It's Babel then?

I used Babel recently.

Really?

Yeah.

So what is it?

Then you can do an ad right here.

Testimonial.

I'm talking to Furin.

Furin?

What's happening?

Ginsburg, can we get the Babel SFX?

I think you're supposed to make them with your mom.

No, I will not.

Do you know it, Eric?

I don't know that.

It's like blink.

I bet it's like this.

It's something like that.

All right, we'll try it again.

Do you know that learning actually makes a sound?

It's true.

Listen.

Boy, yoy, ooy, oy, yoy.

Remember that one?

That's cute.

Voter?

Boder.

I know.

The Wilsons, you like these?

Oh, man.

He's a hipster, dude.

I know.

What is a.

I know.

Dude, he's like a Kramer.

That's kind of...

You are Kramer.

Kramer.

Kramer.

What is a hipster, man?

Okay, so you got George.

I'm just all normal.

All right.

George is a lovable loser he's bold right you have the next door neighbor kramer he busts in jerry's apartment i've seen jerry main guy comedian elaine stand up she's good guy by the way ethical man jerry kramer oh all of them yeah well we have a clip to show you after this and we'll kramer

he's a low-key low-key problematic oh is he a racist yeah you you saw the post yeah so it broke my heart he called he called a character what's his first name by the way michael Michael Richards.

I remembered it.

Okay, we'll start it from the top.

We have a new sponsor, guys.

Did you know that learning actually makes a sound?

It's true.

Listen.

Like that.

That's the sound of you learning a new language with Babel.

Nice.

I'm filling the air.

See?

Be a better you

in 2024 with Babel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works.

Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors.

I know you'd be doing that.

I would be.

I'd be doing that.

You got tutors still?

As an adult, man.

Jack did it too.

With a man from Spain.

Your parents were.

I did actually get a tutor.

From Spain, right?

Shout out, Joe.

Spanish?

You're learning Spanish?

I learned Spanish last year and he didn't like the Eric Andre show.

But I got to say, if you're learning Spanish, go with someone from Mexico.

Oh, I wish I could go back in time and pick Puerto Rico.

Oh, Puerto Rico.

Or Costa Rico.

American Spanish.

That's the 51st state once I get into office.

I love that.

Don't Despacito.

That's from Puerto Rico.

Louis Fonzi.

This is how we do it down in Puerto Rico.

Justin Bieber got on Justin on the track.

Senior Bieber.

Dr.

Spanish Bieber.

Dr.

Bieber.

Senior Beaver.

Do you remember when his penis got snapped by paparazzi and his dad tweeted?

He was like, proud daddy or something.

Oh, because it's so large?

What?

Yeah.

I wish my dad would do that.

Justin Bieber has a big old dingling of course he does it i wouldn't doubt it i don't know these things he's the most beautiful singer of all time but that would you'd think that he has a curse he had to trade off because of the devil it's true it's probably something else and did you guys see that that video recently where he's all up at the kidleroy concert yeah and he's singing with his shirt off

i do the same thing that don't do that i never would

and he's crushing it his voice is so good he's fucked up just how do you know he's wasted because he says like i'm up maybe to kids he said that to the kids at the Icaloroi has a mature fan base.

Really?

By the way.

For adults?

Yeah.

Underage, dude.

You did high school?

I did.

I pleaded the fifth so far.

They're watching.

Babel's quick 10-minute lessons are designed for over 150 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in less than three weeks.

Babel's designed by real people for real conversations.

Babel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, and delivered with conversation-based teaching.

So you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world.

Wow.

Guys, studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others,

others, probably most of them,

continue to prove that Babel is better.

One study found that Babel,

using it for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college.

Well, how could that be?

That's like a goodwill hunting.

What's that?

Same thing?

You don't need the college.

Yeah, no, yeah, right, right.

I like it.

Okay.

Babel has over 10.

What does it say?

Oh, I got to move to the next thing.

This is a lot of points.

Do I choose these?

Oh, yeah.

I think it's an optional intro point.

Oh, this is mandatory.

Okay.

Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners.

Right now, get 55% off your Babel subscription, but only for our listeners at babble.com/slash T-A-F-S.

Get 55% off at babble.com slash t a f s spelled b a b b e l dot com slash t a f s rules and restrictions may apply okay

so just clean that up

take out all the crap that they were talking you know all right

you know what the tower of babel is all about the story of the biblical story of the tower of babel there was uh they try to go to god yeah and then god made them speak different languages as punishment did you know that jack that's kind of that real It's kind of a bullshit story, right?

Is it?

God is...

Diversity is a punishment.

Yeah.

He makes God

cruel.

I don't give a shit.

No, he's not.

He was.

Old Testament God, so juvenile.

Watch him.

Or no, no.

Watch him.

He's awesome.

So that's really what that story is about.

No, but he's real.

He's so gentle.

The origin of diversity.

They tried to get close to God by building a skyscraper.

As we all do.

So fun.

That's how I would do it.

He said.

So fun.

They're having fun doing that.

I know.

They probably had to.

They're getting everybody together.

Why that piss God off?

I don't know.

And the punishment is style.

Gervais style.

I know.

Gervais.

Oh, that's just in me.

Yeah.

So God said, How dare you try and come say hello to me?

You're all polyglots.

That's it.

That's the whole story.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Polyglots.

No, they were not polyglot.

Well, they just.

You just dropped polyglot.

Like,

very verbose.

Very verbose.

Very verbose.

Very verbose.

Try to say a word I don't know the definition of.

Dare you.

Love.

Wow.

Strong feelings towards somebody.

No, that's not what love is.

No, that's not what love is.

What do you say what it means?

How many years do you think you can go without love?

Real love in your life before it's over.

For me,

less than a year.

If I had nobody loving me for real.

Well, how do you think the pandemic went for so many people?

Yeah.

Bad.

Jacking off and stuff.

Well, that'll only get you so far.

Yeah.

In terms of this.

Yanking it.

That's not well.

I don't know.

That's just big facts.

I know it's big facts.

I know.

I kind of dropped something pre-serious.

It's not big facts.

I'm sorry to change that mood like that.

It's mad brick in here.

After the babble.

Oh, it's so brick in here.

Can you switch my camera?

Did you just pop a zen out?

Yeah.

How long are you leaving that in?

Three milligrams?

I don't know.

It's

Shane Gillis style.

Zenning on the pop.

Pretty cool.

What are those things over there?

Eight milligrams.

Oh, that's a sponsor.

It's crazy.

Okay, we got to cut that too.

Lucy's not going to be happy.

All right, bye.

All right.

What were we talking about before?

You said all singers are fake or something.

All musicians are

corny.

Yeah, all right.

So let's let's talk this out.

And I have musician friends, and I love them.

So you're talking shit on your best friends.

Well, that's what I that's why I'm scared to talk about this publicly on the platform.

Just drop and just say your theory.

I think that singer, I think that if you are a musician, you are kind of corny.

There's no non-cornball musician, and maybe that's a good thing.

You know what I'm saying?

Pretty serious.

It's like that's okay to be.

I wish I was more corny sometimes.

Sometimes me too.

To be a little bit more sensitive.

A little bit more just like

open, not so judgmental on yourself, being real, not thinking about it and just existing.

You know who was corny?

Frank Sinatra.

One of my favorite writers of all time.

Why?

Why was he corny?

Yeah.

Because he cared.

You know what?

I have kind of had this thought that being a good singer is not impressive to me because that doesn't take courage because you're showing.

I'm just saying courageously wise, it doesn't take courage to show people something you're good at.

But have you seen

people who suck at what?

Have you seen the guy that has the exact match voice of Michael Jackson?

No.

The leafy blind.

No.

It's not.

The weekend.

Not the weekend.

The weekend.

Oh, no.

has he been on this yet no wow well he we didn't it didn't work out oh it didn't work out okay okay i've been in a room i'm praying for that um to happen yeah

what what happened i was in a room one time that the somebody who worked for the weekend was in

what do you think about that man so you didn't respect us very much before this and then you hear that i cut off his i cut off that story

i want to apologize that was a great story

yeah i talked to celebrities as well, man.

The guy that works for the weekend.

Yeah, he's actually cool.

What does he do?

He's a musician.

Do you know 10 Tricks Point Never?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's famous.

Yeah.

He's his producer.

I've never met him.

I just was in his office one time without him.

So he wasn't even in the room.

You were in a room.

I told the story wrong.

I was in a room one time.

The guy that worked for the weekend was

in there one time.

That's fire.

But he's really nice, I've heard.

That's fire.

He's a vegan?

I met him.

No, I don't know him.

I'm sure he could be nice.

I don't know why.

I just

want to time out one more time.

Celebrities come on the show now.

Yeah, we got to.

They can't really take shots.

No, show takes shots at real meetings.

Because it might fuck up booking and stuff.

When you said Meryl Street is like a cunt or something,

you shouldn't say that.

Hell nah.

No, you said you respect your.

I can't remember.

And you also said, what do you, you said, fuck Israel and all Jews?

Did not say anything like that.

No, this show is like, we're on the fence about everything, including any celebrities, you know.

So we're not going to go hard.

All right, so just play it kind of normal.

All right.

Oh, this is in the middle.

That's where I live my life is in the middle.

Really?

Me too?

This is easy for me.

Center left, yeah.

What does that mean?

I've heard that a lot.

Center left?

Because you got clowns to the left of you, Jokers to the right.

Right.

I'll get that.

You're not Jimi Hendrix.

Wait.

Center left?

Like Jimmy Hendrix.

What does that mean?

No, I figured it out.

Like Jimi Hendrix?

I figured it out.

You think that he sang that Jimi Hendrix sang that song?

No, it's been

the Beatles.

Yeah.

Of course.

Yesterday.

Can you believe his ass was only 27?

Didn't he look a little older than that?

Yeah.

Jimi Hendrix.

And Janice Joplin 27.

Okay, time out one more time.

If they're dead, kill them.

It's fine.

It's fine.

You can go crazy.

Okay.

Yeah, he looked like shit for 27.

I mean, but he had 100 flies.

And he got toe cancer.

No, that's Bob Marley, brother.

All right.

That wasn't racist.

Okay.

Oh, now that you said that, now you

have framed yourself.

Okay, well, what about?

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

So

let's run it from the top.

Jimi Hendrix.

Yeah.

So what was your thing?

My thing.

Okay, let's do a clean edit.

Okay, cool.

So what's like your, what's your whole thing about Jimi Hendrix?

You said

he's probably corny.

Well, yeah, he's corny.

Was he in Vietnam?

Because if he was.

Jimi Hendrix,

no, he was, he would, he'd rather be killed than Jimi Hendrix was there.

He was humping through the woods.

No, no, they said it, as they called it.

This time he's right.

No, Jimi Hendrix was in there.

No, he was hitting about not going there.

Hey, hey, LBJ was there.

Yeah, yeah.

We don't want to.

How many kids did you kill today?

Yeah.

Oh, they had the chance good back then.

They hit a little hard.

Chants are not an easy thing to be good at.

Really?

Have you ever made one up?

Yeah.

Let's hear it.

If we get it,

keep it open.

Keep it open.

Because on Picket Lines, sometimes they say if we don't get it, shut it down.

And I just thought they should say the other one, too.

Oh, that's a riff on the Screen Actors Guild protests of this summer.

Are you sag Adam?

No, I would never.

I would never.

SAG Adam.

What if I said I could get you in?

Who do you know?

Huh?

Who do you know?

That's not something I can answer on the air, but let's just say I can get your ass in the sag and

you have $3,000.

$3,000?

Yeah, $3,000, brother.

That's all it takes.

Really?

And a few credits, yeah.

Really?

$3K is all it takes.

Can you get it from YouTube celebrity talk show hosts?

If we get the negotiations right for next year, yeah, yeah.

Credits from this year.

I kind of want to stay independent.

Like, I kind of don't.

That's what I respect about YouTube.

Yeah, it's an indie vibe here.

It's kind of strokes vibes.

Let's get them on here.

Gotcha.

Mr.

Julian?

Yeah, we should cut that.

It's the saddest thing.

Really?

We'll bleep it.

We'll bleep it.

It was the saddest thing ever.

No.

I hate to hear that.

What do you mean?

Because, like, he was the definition of

the coolest guy of all time when I was a kid.

I know.

And it turns out that I'm like maybe 100 to 200 times cooler.

Crap.

Never meet your heroes.

It sucks.

Never meet your heroes.

It sucks.

That's kind of like when I met Drake, too.

And what was he like?

He said, I've been trying to...

The same thing Chalamet said to me.

Yeah.

He said, I've been trying to be you, and I'm like, just be you.

What?

Crazy.

All right, cut all that.

We can't talk shit.

Let's

end the episode right before the ad, and then the ad will end it.

25 minutes.

No, we have to do an hour.

Okay.

So what kind of stuff do you guys talk about on joy tactics?

You know what we talk about.

We get in the weeds.

Well, we just talked about Ron DeSantis dropping out.

I mean, we go crazy on politics from MMA, the girl from MMA.

No, that's Ronda Rousey, dude.

Oh, that's Ms.

Rousey to you guys.

Doctor.

Ms.

Rousey, if you're nasty.

Hi, Miss Rousey.

Miss Rousey, if you're nasty.

You know what?

It's not that reference.

She says that.

Oh, really?

No, it's

Janet Jackson has a song.

She says,

Miss Jackson, if you're nasty.

Are you rocking with Janet?

No.

Has

she been around lately?

We're sorry, man.

Sorry, man.

We're sorry, man.

We'll talk about whatever you want to talk about.

Good.

We keep going back to, that's what's curious about, because we talk about celebrities mostly on our podcast.

It's mostly

celebrity gossip.

Because we're so connected.

What's a good gossip that's just dropped?

Dude, well, let's see.

Robert Downey Jr.

was saying that some of his best acting work was in the Iron Man.

But people overlook it because of the genre, the superhero genre.

Snobs, hipsters, hipsters.

Why do I get this?

That's a label, man.

Why?

I don't know.

Because you were saying before, you're like, I want to go to Portland.

Well, we're going to go to Seattle.

If your ass went to Portland, you would be...

I went to Portland one time.

People would be bowing, shaking fucks out of you.

I thought it was cool.

You don't fuck with Portland?

I don't fucking there.

I don't fuck with it.

Why?

Why don't you fuck with it?

Portland?

Because they should help those people out.

I see what you're saying.

The artists?

No, no.

But that's a good idea, too.

No, the people suffering on the street.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

Yeah, no one's...

It gets worse every time.

A guy told me he wanted to fuck me in my dreams.

Whoa.

Yeah.

That was cool, though.

No, it was confusing.

Compared to what other people are doing.

They want to fuck you in your dreams.

Yeah.

Sample that.

I thought at first it was like a Freddy Krueger kind of thing, but then I thought, like.

That's a succubus.

And then I thought, I was like, maybe he's like just like a, you know, like a rich bitch from high school.

And she's like, in your dreams.

Yeah.

I want to fuck you in your dreams.

Yeah, that's funny.

Yeah.

I couldn't, I couldn't tell what he was talking about, but it's really, it's,

it's a bummer of a place.

Seattle is, yeah.

Oh, I know you're from there.

I'm from there.

Yeah.

But I don't rock with it too hard.

Why not?

I never, I never identified with Seattle.

What do you spiritually?

I feel like I identify more Midwest.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

I feel like.

So what are you running away from?

That's a good specific northwest.

That's something I haven't really come to terms with.

What I'm running away from.

And if you're going to choose a new thing you identify with, why would you choose the Midwest?

Funny how to laugh at the Midwest.

Look to me, man.

You're in the hot seat now.

The Midwest.

Here's what I like about the Midwest.

You know,

no ego.

Snow.

Ice-cold beard.

No, I don't fuck with it.

Flat.

People say thank you, but they don't mean it.

You know what I mean?

Oh, people

say excuse me or thank you, but it's like they're doing it because it's the rules, but in their brains, they, you know,

there's

an evil.

Yeah.

There's an evil.

It's like they're not.

They're too big.

The people too big.

I know you don't understand this, but I mean, you're also...

yoked as fuck.

We're different types of big, isn't that interesting?

Yeah.

Because we weigh about the same.

You guys are like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Would you call me stocky, Adam?

Am I stocky?

Stocky?

Yeah.

I call you husky.

Husky.

Remember that was the euphemism for fat kid?

For fat kid?

I was in the husky section.

Did you get called husky one time in Soho or something?

Yeah, I think someone did call me husky.

And you popped off on them?

No, I said thank you.

I like that.

What?

Midwest.

See, that's the number one coming out.

But it is.

Do you you think I should be angered by someone calling me Husky?

Well, maybe

you let that anger out instead of turning it inwards,

punching yourself in the soul.

Making art out of it.

Now, who would you call Stocky?

Stocky?

Bob Hoskins.

The pig from Hercules, the red guy?

Oh.

Stockros Halcius.

Wow.

My

stocky.

Yeah, he's a little stocky.

Stocky.

Kung Kung Fu Panda.

I feel like stocky's a guy.

I like this word.

Stocky is.

It's like a wrestling.

Nice.

Stocky means like you can.

If a woman needed it,

you could kill for her.

Yeah.

Or a lesser man.

What do you mean?

Like, listen, I'm like.

A weaker man.

A lanky man.

If a lanky man and a stocky man work together and there's a fucking door that's.

Are you pitching your buddy in comedy?

No, because, first of all, If you're wondering why our vibes are weird right now, it's because the Joy Tactics third, Nate Veron, isn't here right now.

What does he bring?

He's Lebanese.

He brings a calm.

He's a bald as hell.

He kind of grounds us.

He's a Lebanese, Italian, bald man with crazy sexual energy.

Really?

Sexual Riz.

Really?

Yeah.

Really?

Shout out to the girl.

He's undeniable.

He's undeniable.

He's definitely undeniable.

To the target.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Demo?

No,

in the game.

You know, the Neil Strauss, the game?

Do you know?

Pick up artists.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I've seen Hitch

100 times.

Such a good movie.

Really good.

Oh, my God.

Mr.

Hitch.

So good.

Really fun.

We should take our girls on that date where the Jetsky days.

It's so romantic.

Been a minute since I've seen him.

I was telling him yesterday to do.

I told you the same thing.

What the hell to do?

To do

just because stuff.

Well, keep this on the low because what if they're listening?

You got flowers just

because?

No, but I thought about it.

When's this come out?

Later.

Thursday, maybe?

Oh shit.

Snap.

Wait, so you're planning on Thursday?

No, but Friday?

No, no, no.

I'm not going to reveal any of my romantic plans.

However, what is it?

What are your plans?

I'm not going to reveal them.

Okay, just say, in theory, though.

Yeah, that flower shop that you brought up now when I'm walking down the street, I know it's there, and I think, oh, yeah, maybe I should go.

It really,

you get away, like...

You could be lazy and dumb, and then you get the just-because flowers.

Yeah.

Damn.

you know what I feel like I'm good at what because I'll see the bouquets at the at the bodega that sells the flowers.

Right.

They got a guy putting them together.

They have single flowers too.

I feel like I do have an innate talent for putting the flowers together and making a unique bouquet.

Interesting.

Have you tried it or you're like, I could.

No, I've done it.

I've done it.

That one, that one, that one, that one.

You weren't.

And every time they're like, damn, I wouldn't have thought of this.

Really?

Arrangement.

I'm a kind of a flower arranger.

And you have to be really careful careful when you have a kitty cat because those

can be allergic at times to some types of flowers away

we just saved a lot of cats lives using this platform for that really you really cats are allergic to so much

i don't know if i believe well i don't know if i believe them they're sensitive animals so like if nate was here what would you say to that oh my god they would probably be quiet oh well and then come in with some maybe call him i guess like the dynamic is like

yeah don't tell him he's on the come the

Adam Freelanche podcast.

Call his ass right now.

Yeah, oh, this is like, okay, we're calling Nate Barone.

This is a prank.

Kind of like a.

Yeah.

Oh, you know what?

This is amazing.

We do a segment called Thank Calls.

That's like a prank call, but we're just thanking somebody.

You like call a business that you love.

And you're not allowed to joke.

Contact the manager.

I just want to say thank you so much for providing amazing services.

I don't respect business.

Well, you don't respect businesses.

Let's say that.

That's hardcore.

I know, I know.

I forgot you're hardcore.

You're a very hard person to pin down.

What do you mean?

Oh, you just have such incredibly wide-ranging beliefs that I want to say you're a sports guy.

But the truth is if you're a hipster guy, then I don't know.

I like sports.

But the truth is, I believe in nothing.

Yeah, I'm

going to get you to the end.

When you're on the deathbed,

I know that you're going to be searching for something to cling to.

And who's that?

Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

No, could be, it could be something else, could be a different God,

Shiva, vitamin water.

Call me.

Okay, so why don't we fucking thing call his ass back to him?

No, he's gonna know it's not.

Let's just say,

no, just say, like, we're working on a riff.

Okay, let's come up with a riff.

Oh, that's good.

See what you can get.

Yeah, and then say, like, what really did you say?

Let's give him an act out because that's where I think he really thrives.

On the phone, especially.

Anywhere, man.

Okay.

Hit his ass.

Okay.

I'm just calling now.

Yeah,

bang is line.

This is going to be so good.

People like this.

And you get excited hearing that.

That ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

I'm getting nervous, and I know him.

He's not going to pick up.

Why would he do this?

Because he probably got like a show business.

He could be meditating.

He meditates.

He does that for about 40 minutes a day.

Really?

His eyebrows wiggle like crazy.

Really?

Yeah.

All right.

Well,

give up.

Well, he's funny.

He's funny?

You got to trust us.

He's a good guy.

I'd love to meet him.

Monday.

Who's your favorite guy?

Eric.

Eric and Nate.

What are you saying?

In general?

Yeah.

In general?

Yeah.

Favorite guy of all time?

Michelangelo di Caravaggio, probably, because he did art and he killed people, got away with it.

Come on, brother.

He killed?

Yeah, he was gay and he killed.

Dahmer.

So far.

I would love to

say something like that.

So far.

Oh, shit.

What about you?

My favorite guy?

I like Zach Galifanakis.

You see how you do this?

Yeah.

That's the two brain types.

Give a try.

Please.

Who's your favorite guy?

Who's your favorite guy?

My dad.

He made a lot of sacrifices.

He's made me the man I am too.

Damn.

Okay.

Now you're doing that to show us up.

Yeah, that was like the thank you.

Interesting.

You showed character.

Interesting.

You know, we were talking about builds before.

I feel like you have a great build for period pieces.

Where if you put me,

huh?

Relax.

I don't know.

My mind didn't even go there.

You're nasty.

I'm nasty.

You're nasty.

I'm kind of disgusting.

You're in the writers' room.

I know, but in kind of a cool way.

Kind of an R crumb style.

Nasty.

Yeah.

No, kind of more like

your mother's cunt.

What's that?

Oh, okay.

yeah yeah you're like you know how like uh comics get real nasty yeah

they're like oh you

yeah

yeah man dude it's been awesome having us on and no

it's been awesome having us

I want to say you have but you I'm jealous because what's my what's saying you could be 1930s stockbroker high-waisted I see what you're saying

like you could fit in an you could be in an Oppenheimer like that everybody was and you wouldn't have to I know what he's saying saying.

They couldn't put miles.

It wasn't all Jews that made the bomb.

Oh, no.

You twist my words.

It was all Jews.

No.

We should be proud of that.

If it was, God.

Darling David should have a fucking nuke in the middle.

This isn't the time to say that, is it?

Well, that's good.

That's safe.

That's bars.

That's born.

After the conflict is over.

Yeah.

What's the conflict?

Oh, I thought.

I don't know.

Okay.

Sorry.

So what's the surprise for your girlfriend?

What?

Pussy eating.

No.

But look here.

Dude, being so crude about women.

This is what's wrong with men these days because you know after this, I'm going to beat your ass.

Because you think we're not online right now.

Why, man?

Because you just said something lewd and

woman.

Lewd.

I didn't say lewd.

I said that.

I said that making love, it's nice.

No, you didn't say making love.

All right, so say something like that about my girlfriend so we're even.

All right, your girlfriend.

Your girlfriend, what are you gonna do when you get home with your girlfriend?

get the

lube out you got this it didn't feel great the lube out when you said that it didn't feel great i know yeah i i understand where you're coming from because it came from a place of shame yeah what do you mean when you're talking i don't know i mean like i said that kind of nasty about his girl and he said nasty shit about my girl i'm like oh i see where you come from now you realize and then i'm on touch over i walked in miling issues this is incredible yeah yeah this should be

this is incredible so have you ever vibed

this hard with anybody on the podcast before Have you ever vibed this hard with anybody on the podcast before?

Hmm.

I don't know, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Oh, hold on.

That wasn't the podcast.

I'll put some beef out there with Neil deGrasse Tyson if I can right now.

He's fake as hell.

I'm going to body pod.

He's dog piling him.

He's fake.

He's fake as hell.

He's fake.

If he comes for the aliens one more time, because he's throwing out reports.

He's saying they couldn't exist.

We've done the research.

He's basically saying that.

What?

No, it wins.

He wouldn't say that.

All over the place.

he's shitting on every alien ufo report and no am i a crazy conspiracy

you're not conspiracy theories no no i'm not but he needs to

talk that talk talk about i'm just saying you know real scientists would look into the phenomenon and study it with rigor and scientific methods to be a neil deGrasse tyson and go on Colbert and shit on aliens is cowardly and Neil deGrasse Tyson if you watch this I'm coming for you you are he's a restaurant what are you gonna do when you see him?

I'll probably dap it up.

All right.

What else did you dap it on sneaker?

What else you got on Neil?

What?

What else you got on Neil?

Oh, the moon landing.

He's just such a ride-or-die-hoe for that we landed on the scene.

Dude, why is it such a big deal that we can just say maybe not?

Why is it such a big deal?

If it doesn't really matter, right?

Let's just keep it open.

Yeah.

He loves getting on this high horse and saying,

we have photos of it, dude.

Japan went up there and we have photos of it dude okay guess what we have photos of iron man we have photos of well fake stuff i've seen a moon rock have you at the aaron space museum i used to think that was until i'm saying 2016 i thought that was aaron space museum that is that's crazy and that's a look into my history with special

classes that's crazy you were in special ed

dude i'm a king of having been special ed

how many years

it started well they did a they ran it back in kindergarten because I was not quite getting along.

So you failed.

Kindergarten, special ed?

I don't know that I failed.

No, they did.

In kindergarten, I wasn't in special ed.

I just ran it back in kindergarten.

Oh, okay.

And then fourth grade is when they started separating me from the bunch and saying he needs some help.

Really?

Yeah.

And you got the help you did.

What's funny about that?

No, I didn't get the help.

It looked like you were hiding back tears when he said

it's not funny.

I don't think it's not funny.

It's not funny.

Why are you laughing at this?

It's your best friend, bro.

He said you're his favorite guy.

Dude, you never did any remedial.

No, I was, listen, I was off the charts going to the doctor

for my English skills and my reading.

The doctor measured that?

Yeah.

For math?

Yeah, I was fucking bottom of the barrel.

I stunk at that.

I was in.

special needs math in fourth grade and my friend faked a heart attack and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

That's so funny.

Did it scare the teacher?

Yeah, and she had a crazy lazy eye.

All the way over.

over holdovers that was fun great flick alexander payne back at it again great flick you never did special needs as well no here's the problem girl what's the gpa

uh like an a minus damn gpa yeah so a three

six seven six seven yeah always around there no way yeah because i i that that's like the wow damn bare minimum bare minimum really you're a bit of a nerd no no well then how did you get such good grades?

Because my parents told me I had to be president of the United States one day.

President.

Did they really put pressure on you like that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Damn.

They used to,

we had a podium in our house.

I had to give a speech.

It was terrible.

Did you really?

Yeah, I did not have sex with them.

I have never had sex with anybody in the world.

That's what he should have said.

Yeah.

I've never gotten pussy.

I've never gotten pussy or head or head in the car or in my room.

I've never, I don't even know.

That's

Bill Clinton.

That's Mr.

Clinton.

All right.

I know him as a lime wire guy.

I thought it's your thing.

I know the real shit about politics, like the bipartisan infrastructure bill.

I don't know about scandalist bullshit.

All right, what's that all about?

The bipartisan infrastructure bill?

Look, this going back and forth between,

of course, it goes to the House, but then it gets to the Senate, and it's like, this is clearly whatever.

Like, the Biden finally did it, but Trump couldn't.

You ever seen a mind like that?

No.

Working Working hard.

Wait, did you have to stay in the special ed or you worked your way out?

Hard work?

This is my biggest complaint about special ed classes.

Okay, let's hear it.

Once you've missed a year, it's over.

Because the idea that I'm going to have missed all of division and then jumped back in in middle school, there's no fucking chance.

Why is that?

Because I missed everything that y'all learned.

Same with history.

I didn't get to English.

I didn't.

So they

just miss out on everything.

You did a bid in the special ed.

They're like, we're going to give them them a year

away from gen pop.

No, I stayed.

Through 12.

Through 12.

Yeah.

And then we were doing stuff like financial literacies.

Really?

India.

I didn't learn that.

So that you can learn

all my money in a checking account.

I was in honors classes, but I was getting C's and D's.

Really?

I should have probably been in regular.

But you did for smart girls.

You're trying to be smart girls.

For the librarians.

Oh, once a girl is smart.

When

I like that.

You want to turn her around?

No, no, no, no.

Like a doggy style thing?

No.

Can dogs have missionary?

What?

Can dogs have smart dogs can definitely throw it down.

The dogs who skateboard are definitely doing missionary.

They have the fucking motor skills.

You're right.

Yeah, they're not having doggy style sex.

They're having human-style sex.

That's what they call it.

That's adult for them.

Dogs.

With oh, human-style.

I thought you meant they they were fucking chicken.

No, just dog on dog.

Like, if doggy style, sex between humans is still between humans, right?

Yeah, it's kind of nasty.

I don't like it.

Doggy style.

I don't like it.

I know you guys don't.

It's disrespectful.

I'll just say that.

I want to see a beautiful face.

Right, where the eyes want to kiss her and say, I love you.

Yeah.

What am I going to look at?

Hair.

I want to like

Patrick Bateman.

Yeah, that's great.

I haven't seen that one yet.

He's a sociopath certified.

American Psycho.

Oh, my God.

I want to see that badly.

What movies have you seen?

Hitch, Triple X.

I'm off book on Pineapple Express.

40-year-old Virgin.

These are the

mini DVD player-style movies.

This is what you go into the kitchen and you've got the little box to get.

Scene one, Pineapple Express.

He's smoking.

Seth Rogan's in the car.

You start on a crane shot, black and white, over a field.

You got to get a hat.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You see all the things.

With a

Bill Hater.

Bill Hater.

Blah, blah, blah.

Item nine.

Illegal.

Yeah, it's so good.

The weed is so good, yeah.

And then the Mexican guy pulls up next to him.

He's smoking a joint in his car.

Down to 11.

Black Tree Avenue.

And then he says, take it to the next level.

That's right.

In the opening scene?

Seth is smoking.

Yeah.

And then he's, well,

what?

We don't have to do the whole movie.

Keep going.

He's doing his job auditing.

Process service.

Process survey.

Right.

Mr.

Whatever, blah, blah, blah.

Then we meet his girlfriend who's in high school.

Yeah.

That's where I turn it off.

That's kind of crazy.

It's kind of crazy.

I kind of forgot that.

But he's so young.

Mr.

Rogan?

Seth Rogan is what, 21?

How old is he?

Oh, yeah, he's like literally 21.

He's like 38.

No.

Yeah, yeah.

No.

I'm pretty sure.

His girlfriend was 16

in that movie.

No.

I mean, I don't know how old he is.

His character is not movie.

He's definitely out of high school because he doesn't go to high school.

Okay.

So he visits his girlfriend.

he visits his girlfriend in school he's gonna see who's that joe let's see

joe low joe low yeah yeah j low dickhead male j low j low j low yeah um right and then we see the bully being funny sup man i wouldn't say bully it's just the hot jack yeah the i don't know played by forget i think james franco's brother dave oh he crushed that yeah fire yeah shout out to everybody in that movie rosie perez remember neighbors

So good.

The party movie.

Yep.

Can you name the whole cast?

Zach Efron.

Dave Franco.

Seth Rogan.

Give the accent.

What?

What's the accent?

Dave Franco.

Dave Franco.

Stick with the accent.

Huh?

Stick with the accent.

Dave Franco.

PlayStation.

I can't remember anybody.

PlayStation in that movie.

PlayStation.

Who was that?

Whose dialect?

What dialect is that?

That's a robot.

That's robot.

I think Japanese, no?

Japanese robot.

Maybe.

All robots could be Japanese.

Do you guys know Xiaoma?

Xiaoma NYC.

He was just on Jubilee.

You gotta get his ass on here.

Who is that?

He's the white man who learns all language.

We should have talked about this when we were talking about Babel.

He can learn languages like this.

Really?

Like, it's nothing, like, he's eating candy.

But his big thing is Chinese.

Yeah, he's a good person.

So he goes to Chinese people.

Oh, I've seen those videos.

He's kind of rude a little bit.

It is rude.

It feels borderline.

I know.

But then he learns Japanese, and he's doing Japanese to Japanese people and they do not give a single, they like don't care at all.

You don't battle to them.

Right.

Yeah.

I went there.

It was amazing.

Did they hate you?

To China?

They can't even see.

They don't even look at you.

You don't.

Not even if you're doing that.

No, they wouldn't care.

Whoa.

Pointing at me.

Who would they like?

Not us.

Jiao Ma.

Not us.

They like

Steve McQueen, the actor.

Oh, because they like...

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they like.

Rockabilly is going huge over there.

Yeah.

You know that?

I've seen that.

Yeah.

We've got to go over there and do some Rockabilly.

I had a friend whose big secret was that his dad was Rockabilly.

He didn't want to.

Like try to hide it.

Who's that guy picking up?

That was

cool.

I don't know.

Got the

cuff to hear.

Can you imagine your dad has bogues in his shirt?

Bogues.

I know people who were doing this recently.

Who?

I don't want to name names, but we know Steve.

It's Stav.

Stav is doing it.

He's a greaser now.

You know, who someone who might listen to this podcast who

I know for sure does Marty, but he looks cool when he does it.

Oh, we have a friend named Marty who sometimes rolls his sigs up into his white t-shirt.

No,

but he does it and it looks cool.

Really?

Somehow.

How rare of a person do you have to be to pull that off?

You could pull it off with those biceps.

No, I couldn't.

Well, the triceps, how many tattoos do you have?

How many tattoos do you have?

Six tattoos.

Ish.

What about you?

Zero.

See, in the cemetery.

You guys can go into the baths in Japan.

You're not allowed in because of your tattoo.

I need to put some.

Oh, really?

And you can't be buried in the Jewish cemetery.

Not yet.

I'll get him in.

That's the big deal.

I'll get him in.

You get him in.

I'll get you in a sag.

You get me into the Jewish cemetery.

This is what we're talking about.

What the fuck is this?

This is business.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Lincoln can be a little bit more than a bit of a bad thing.

What would Nate say?

What would Nate say?

Yeah, Nate, right now.

So you think he'd be understated?

He'd be sexual.

He's usually understated until he's not.

I think Nate, at some point during this, would have gotten up and like screamed and grabbed your head like this.

Like a big act out.

Yeah.

He would have done the big act out.

I'm trying to think during what bit.

I bet.

Maybe, yeah, I don't know.

Maybe like, for example, during the Pineapple Express act out, maybe he'd be like...

He'd be like.

Oh, yeah, that one scene where Dave Franco comes in

or something.

Yeah.

You would love it.

He's like wild.

Wild.

He's wild, but then he's so sweet.

So it's like so so earned.

It's not annoying when he's loud.

It's like.

I feel like I don't have the confidence to do an act out ever on stage.

I want to do an act out and stand up.

Try one.

Yeah.

So I was.

So how did they start?

I was with my girlfriend the other day.

So I was with my girlfriend the other day.

You know, the real fine one.

Yeah.

That's good.

Okay.

And we're walking around.

That the feet.

You have to act out like that.

Clip clop, clip clop, clip hop.

And she's a horse.

And she's a wild.

And she's a horse.

She's a centaur.

Now you, and then you go, this is her ordering

sombaros.

I can't do it.

Thanks for watching.

It takes commitment.

Yes.

And that's what I don't.

You do act outs?

Because you're very reserved.

Really?

Because you are so reserved.

I do.

Yes.

Do you know the Michael Cain School of Acting?

Do you know about this?

Yeah.

You know how he says to be understated?

You have to.

Master Bruce.

Yeah.

Master Bruce.

Master Bruce.

You know what?

You're the hero of Gotham Danish.

Master Brooke.

Because what he says is when the camera's right up here, I did it back up.

Wow,

I didn't even clock it.

It was so natural.

That's how natural it was.

Yeah, but he says, when the act, if the camera is right here, you can't lie to it.

Really?

And I think this is something you realize.

So any little twitch of a face is going to be a test.

So you want to keep it very understated if you're going to be acting on film.

Like what?

Like,

yeah.

Nate called back.

Hit him back.

Let's do it.

Baggy is lying.

All right.

We're working on a riff.

What would you say?

Hi, Nate.

How are you?

I'm good.

How you doing, man?

I'm great, man.

It's great to hear from you.

What?

Oh, do you want?

Well.

Dude, Nate, what's up, man?

No, Derek here.

Yeah.

Hello, the squad.

What's up, guys?

Not much, man.

We wanted to, we were just doing a riff on an idea, and we wanted you to kind of go in on it.

Okay, what is it?

Should we do Pineapple Express?

No, should we do

an act out?

You know, like act outs and stand-up?

Like, we're trying to come up with

an act out for Eric to do that's like really out of character for him.

That's like really big and crazy.

Like, for his stand-up?

Yeah, yeah, for him to like completely show a new side.

And can you do it at like a 10, by the way?

Yeah,

like

are you guys like on a podcast?

Yeah, right.

Yeah, no, hang on, hang on right now.

No, no, no, no, no.

Wait, Nate.

Hang up, hang up right now.

What are you guys on?

What is this fucking shit?

Can you guess?

Call him.

Hang up right now.

All right.

Wait, I'm going to hang up and then something funny is going to happen to you in a couple seconds, probably.

Damn.

And then you'll understand.

But let's just say, dude, this is the final thing.

Now, check your fucking Instagram followers very soon.

Okay.

Talk to you later, man.

You did sound so nervous.

Explaining the...

I was nervous.

What's the number?

You don't have anybody in there.

Just show it to me.

Yeah, I'll show you.

And then, Eric, maybe you can say some things that it's

can you text him, pick up a Vegas number?

He'll pick.

I just told him, you know.

Oh, you said you ruined this too?

No, I didn't tell

Jack ruins everything.

We're gonna get burgers after this.

Oh, yeah, what are you doing for dinner?

Uh, hold on one second.

Oh,

It's funny if he doesn't pick it up.

Hello?

Hey, um,

this is, I don't, I don't even want to say my name, but, um, I know exactly this is.

No, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.

Brother.

You didn't get me, dude.

I know exactly.

Brother, brother, brother.

I was talking with these guys.

And

they said that I'm so sick that they don't want to be friends with you anymore.

But then they're like, yeah.

Yeah,

they said that they were like, but you have to break up with him for us.

I have to break up with you.

I'm breaking up with you right now.

Oh, I see.

Eric and Jack are done with you.

You're toxic and you're a liar.

Oh, I see what's up.

Good.

I'm about to fucking branch off.

I needed this, man.

I'm about to blow up harder than ever right now, dude.

You don't know.

I have an angry side, and you don't want to see it.

Oh, I know that, dude.

I know that shit.

Me too, man.

Really?

How far?

How far do you want to take this?

You know what?

Because I'll take it straight to the fucking.

I didn't finish my sentence.

I feel like Eric and Jack are

like making you subduing your consciousness right now.

I know.

Like I can feel their energy.

I'm dragging you down.

How do you think I feel right now?

This is how I am all fucking day long, dude.

I know.

Honestly, I know exactly what you're talking about.

No, no, no.

Honestly, no, no.

Just chill, chill, chill.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

They're like kind of, they're kind of just bumming me out.

A lot.

Yeah, they're big.

Yeah, they're weights on me.

And honestly, I'm just kind of helping them out.

I just want to see you.

I'm just kind of like a service.

I just want to see you fly.

And they don't know how high you can.

They were saying that you're a bitch ass and stuff.

And I don't.

Just even just talking to you right now, I feel incredible.

Bitch ass.

Bitch ass.

Shut up.

Shut the fuck up.

This is me.

Everybody just turn off the mics.

It's just a so-I'm going Bill Burr.

Yeah, why do we have to only chill on pod, dude?

Why can't we just chill in lunch?

This is not the way I thought this would end.

I live one block from Jack, and he goes to dinner.

He goes to lunch beneath my house.

And he doesn't even say, I'm getting pasta right now.

Can you come?

And doesn't even let me say no.

I used to work there.

No, you didn't work.

Yes, I did.

You didn't work at former pasta.

I worked at Format Pasta Factory.

Yes, I did.

Yes, I did.

He did.

For how many days?

How many days?

80.

Before he got Tuning Outs and L.

Yeah, dude, before I worked for Stephen Colbert, presents Tuning Out the News.

You didn't know that.

You were for Colbert?

Worked for Colbert?

Worked with Colbert.

Really?

I was basically top build at the bottom.

Whoopsie Daisy.

All right.

it was a bit

yeah it's really falling flat and it was a bit let me ask Nate something yeah say Nate did we speak on the phone earlier today

yes we did we did a couple seconds ago no that's not what I wait I remember basically what I'm meaning to say is that I feel like every time we've spoken on the phone lately you've been outside on the move oh you left me a voice memo last night and you were right right I'm actually walking right now.

I'm walking all fucking day, dude.

That's why I'm wondering

what it takes.

Where are you going?

We don't need to get into it, but it's just, you know, I'm getting my steps in.

What do you think?

If you're going to fucking Vice right now to pitch a show without me and Eric

crazy eyebrow surgery or something, all right.

We gotta go.

Oh, yeah, they were saying your eyebrows disgust them.

No, no,

they were saying that.

All right, bye, Nate.

We love you, Nathan.

Bye, that was that really

that really didn't work.

You know, man.

Just throw it out.

Why'd you have to plug the shut the podcast?

Nate?

We'll plug the podcast.

All right.

Yeah, you guys, okay, after all that, I bet y'all want to listen to our amazing podcast called Joy Tactics.

It's called Joy Tactics.

Do you know about 2,000 listeners a week what that means?

Yeah, well,

a little more than that.

Like the basketball game?

A little similar.

So

something like that.

But yeah, go check us out.

You won't regret it.

Do you have like theme music or something?

Yeah, we do have theme music for YouTube.

You know what?

I have an idea.

What?

You know the whole monologue.

Yeah.

From that movie.

Yeah.

How about the first line?

You play us out.

Choose life.

No, I was going to play this all out.

Okay.

All right.

You want to give me my phone?

You're going to play this one.

Where's the phone?

I don't know.

Is that allowed?

For like seven seconds, probably.

Okay.

Play us out.

Ginsburg, how much can we play it?

I think if you've seen, but we need to.

Oh, I can do an amazing cover of it.

Just beatbox?

Easily.

Okay, so you beatbox, you to do the monologue.

Easy.

Okay.

And

three, two, one.

Is this the right song, by the way?

Choose life.

Choose a joke.

Choose a career.

Choose a big fucking television.

That's all I know.

No, no, keep going.

Just fucking

know.

I don't know the rest.

Just try.

It's just, I know it ends with chew.

Basically, what he's saying.

Boy.

Someone's getting a phone call.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, that's my friend.

All right, guys.

All right, this was amazing.

This worked.

This worked, man.

We appreciate you.

thanks for having us on brother anything you want to plug um

i'm going to be in boston lights are off

i'm going to be in boston amazing

all right you guys want to plug plug we're going on tour also go to linktree.com slash eric greyhill linktree

I don't know how to plug it in.

I have a linktree now with all my tour date.

We're going on tour.

We're going on

North Carolina.

Chicago, whoops, Seattle, whoops, Chicago, whoops, Pittsburgh.

Whoops.

Whoops.

Whoops.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that'll be a good time.

When you go to Pittsburgh, you have to go to this bar, Goosekis.

What is that?

Best Bar.

Gooskies?

Yeah.

Is it like a dive bar?

I went with Caleb and we're like,

this is so us.

Oh, he told me about it.

Yeah, it's great.

All right.

We're going to go.

It's so us.

We got to all go.

Yeah.

I'll go to Pittsburgh.

Or PJ out together.

For no reason.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I love it.

Looking forward to this.

I'm not going to go, brother.

What the?

All right.

Good night.

Good night, everybody.

We're out.

Success isn't guaranteed.

It's earned through unwavering commitment.

The only ones who make it to the top are those willing to go the extra mile.

Get ahead with WSJ Plus, offering insights from the Wall Street Journal, Barron's, MarketWatch, and Investors Business Daily, because fortune favors the ambitious.

Let's be real.

Life happens.

Kids spill.

Pets shed.

And accidents are inevitable.

Find a sofa that can keep up at washable sofas.com.

Starting at just $699, our sofas are fully machine washable inside and out, so you can say goodbye to stains and hello to worry-free living.

Made with liquid and stain-resistant fabrics, they're kid-proof, pet-friendly, and built for everyday life.

Plus, changeable fabric covers let you refresh your sofa whenever you want.

Neat flexibility?

Our modular design lets you rearrange your sofa anytime to fit your space, whether it's a growing family room or a cozy apartment.

Plus, they're earth-friendly and trusted by over 200,000 happy customers.

It's time to upgrade to a stress-free, mess-proof sofa.

Visit washablefas.com today and save.

That's washable sofas.com.

Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.