The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 19

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This was one of the more ambitious things that we did pay.

But what I'm saying is, we push the next more ambitious thing after

all of them are going to be work.

So I understand everything.

Make me the mistake of thinking that we'll put the hardest possible thing further away in the future.

That's not what I'm saying.

Do no work on it until the time you're going to be.

That's not, it's the opposite of the point I'm making.

No, we take the most ambitious thing and then we work on it throughout while we're working on the things that are more easily achievable.

Let's say we have something that requires a car crash or a crane shot, right?

So we push that to like, let's say, like two in the future.

Yeah.

And then we are, we...

We coordinate that throughout the time that we're working on the immediate project.

Why is there always just trash?

It's not trash.

I mean, it's the lid of my...

Don't put that in.

There's coffee left.

Nick, let's talk about it.

I'm using the lid.

Because

the lids at SP suck and they leak.

And the cups leak too.

Look.

I'm going to go complain after this.

They can't get a good cup.

It's not even a coffee place.

Why are you getting coffee there?

I mean, it's not a coffee place.

I should have gotten a coffee before.

No, because

I got here.

They've threw out our Kurig after saying they were sending a new one.

Wait until the new one comes.

I mean the order operations there.

I just don't understand.

Dave hasn't worked for us for three months.

Yeah, I know, but he did throw out the Keurig.

Okay.

I didn't tell you that I was headed in because I missed your text message.

So I got here at 9.30.

And so I was like, oh, I'm going to go get breakfast.

And that's why I got coffee from that place because I was getting a breakfast sandwich.

Okay, to answer your first question.

Second question, take the fucking Keurig back to fucking Costco.

They take anything back.

My parents got a rolling duffel in 1997.

They've had

12 generations of that rolling duffel.

You're the one with the car.

Why didn't you take it back to Costco?

You could have asked.

We could have gone, done a Costco trip together.

We could have gone to the Noguchi Museum together and then gone to the gorgeous Astoria Costco.

All you had to do was say, okay, why don't we take it back to Costco?

Because you already had the wheels in motion where you were talking to HQ corporate of Keurig.

I didn't talk to anyone.

I said, Dave, can you resolve this?

And throughout all of that, I said, Let's just take it back to Costco.

And then why didn't that happen?

Because you said Dave's got it.

No, I didn't.

Both of you were saying, We got it.

They're going to send a new one.

I listened to him.

I didn't say shit, pal.

Can't blame me for that one.

I'm not blaming anyone.

All I'm saying is, I suggested

taking it back to Costco because Costco takes anything back.

That's you right now.

Here comes Adam doing logic.

That's your mind.

Yes, I am funny, Nick.

Thank you.

I'm funny.

Do you think the circus?

Yes, I am funny.

What the fuck was wrong with people 100 years ago?

They'd see a clown and be like,

they still go.

Yeah.

Yeah,

that's absolutely right, though.

But they were crushing clowns?

Somebody says, somebody made up once that they were supposed to be like an offensive

impression of the Irish.

Clowns?

Yeah, they got big red hair and a red nose for alcoholics and their clothes don't fit because they're like poor.

Is that where it comes from?

Yeah.

That's funny.

Yeah.

I thought that they were like, they told the king that the king was like actually

doing a bad job, but they were the only ones that were allowed to.

Those are jesters.

Which it's weird that stand-up comedians will like they'll like kind of wax poetic about their lineage of jobs.

Oh,

As if there's any comparison.

They're like completely different jobs.

Yeah, it's a guy wearing a hat with bells on it.

Yeah, I know.

It's closer to a juggler.

I mean, they were juggling.

They were jugglers.

Yeah.

Yeah, the court juggler.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If they have any comparison, it's Sir Thomas Moore.

He was sort of the first comedian.

What did he do?

He went to prison for saying that King wasn't allowed to get a divorce.

Oh, he's like a Lenny Bruce type.

Yeah.

My words, man.

You can't take my words, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This cat is trying to take my words, man.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Lenny Bruce is not funny, dude.

Yeah.

Was he though?

Anytime I've seen anything, I'm like, what?

Lenny Bruce, best bit.

You know, he's handsome.

Look at him, he's quite handsome.

Okay, Lenny Bruce, how to relax your colored friends at parties.

Now, Eric Miller, let's listen to it.

I've known for

four years.

Well, Miller and I were on the road together.

Eric Miller is a jazz guitarist.

Eric Miller is an intellect.

Eric Miller has good taste, because it's my good taste.

Maybe not your good taste.

Dave, there's another switch up there.

But I take Eric Miller.

Eric and I work together in Miami.

He sang, and I talk, and I say, Eric, want to do a bit with me?

Let's not mistake talking, but okay.

We'll do a bit and we'll add a little bit and fool around with it.

And we did the bit, and then the bit found four.

The fuck.

Eric being colored, he would be a musician.

There are very few integrated parties, which does not make people who do not have colored people at their parties bigoted.

Because you don't know.

So I want to see an entire hour.

I want to see where he goes with this.

All right.

People, to invite them as props is Crow Jim.

Crow Jim.

Go back.

Go back.

What was that?

Now,

parties and swing,

and the humor comes from the now becoming obscure

white person's concept of how do you relax color people at parties.

And in the bit, I play the white guy.

I was describing a bit.

We're not going to sit here listening.

No, no, no.

I want to see where it goes.

Lenny Bruce was society's mirror.

I want to set the bar for every comic.

Then listen to it on your own time.

We're not going to wait here.

We started it.

A 10-minute 10-minute Lenny Bruce bit.

Well, why'd you start a 10-minute one?

To demonstrate that you can listen to 30 seconds of it and there's nothing there.

Yeah, but maybe it's got a bigger one.

It's got a big payoff.

Maybe it's got a big payoff.

Come on.

Come on, dude.

Now

you're doing what Lenny Bruce would do if Lenny Bruce was going to write a joke about, do a joke about how much Lenny Bruce isn't funny.

I'm not telling anybody.

I want to see if there's payoff.

There is not payoff.

You know, there's not payoff.

He pitches his black friend a bit that he wants to do this.

a heads up.

We're gonna listen to the

money Bruce bit, and it's I just understand what he's talking about.

People say this is the best.

What do you say?

Oh, really stumped.

Oh, boy, I tell you.

I didn't get your name.

Miller.

Miller, my name is Anderson.

Anderson?

Glad to know you.

Pleasure indeed, sir.

Pleasure indeed.

You know that Joe Lewis was a hell of a fight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can say that again, Joe.

Credit your age.

Don't you forget it, you save a guy.

Thank you very much.

That's perfect, all right.

Here's the Bojangles.

Yeah, here's the Bojangles.

Yeah.

I used to watch him on the television all the time, yeah.

Yeah, uh.

Them show people are all right.

Um,

I guess you know a lot of people in the show business, huh?

Yeah, quite a few in my travels.

Uh, what the hell is that?

Uh, bad on names, uh, is the first voice the black voice?

No, no, I don't know Aunt Jemima.

Pause.

Pause.

You wanted to wait for a...

Pause, okay.

So the joke, that joke was kind of funny.

Was it?

His black friend asks him, oh, so you know show business people?

And then he's like, do you know Aunt Jemima?

the lady from the syrup bottle

that's pretty good yeah that's i guess that's why they say he's the best.

Yeah, because he asked his boyfriend if he knows Aunt Germano.

No, his black friend asked.

He had a 200-year-old recording of somebody walking through a bit that every black comedian does now, which is like white people try to relate to you at parties.

No, it's the opposite.

The black guy is so stupid that he thinks a bottle of syrup is a celebrity.

That it's a racist joke.

That's his black voice.

They knew that's the white guy.

He ruined himself, though.

Coca-Cola white women did it to him.

No, that's the black guy.

It's not the black guy.

So jokes that how to calm down black people at parties.

Yeah, so he's going up to a black guy and he's embarrassing himself by asking him if he knows Aunt Jaminine.

Oh, that's good.

I kind of do that kind of thing.

You know, uh, I did all the construction here.

Oh, you did?

Yeah, I could draw the paint in these heaps.

You're not Jewish, are you?

No offense, you know what I mean?

I like you said Jewish.

You told me a heap, I'm not gonna run in the rabbits like that.

As long as you understand, you know.

I mean, what the hell?

I mean, uh, I don't know how you feel about them integrating stuff.

I mean, uh, I don't care what the hell a guy is, as long as he keeps in his place, you know what I mean?

That's how I feel about it.

Here's to all the

That's crazy to say that to a black guy at a party.

I started here, and these marks are Jewish people now.

They say to me, wait a minute.

So he says, look, darling.

This is what you want to do?

You want to sit here and look at a light of this dirt?

They might like this.

No, I don't think so.

I think that's very interesting how they use the doofy blue with so many other pastels.

That sounds like a lot of commie horse shit to me.

Doofy blue.

Yeah, the doofy blue.

That's what they call it.

You're all right.

You're a white junior, and I'm gonna like it.

That's funny.

All right, cool.

That's fine.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You don't enjoy this?

I just wanted to know what the thing was that he was doing.

You can't put it together?

You don't and you can't.

No,

I couldn't.

I thought, well, maybe you're watching the video but i thought that he was imitating a black person being ridiculous

that's like a

white guy trying to talk to a black guy at a party you don't know where that's going

yeah but i thought he was saying that his jazz friend

well it's not about a white guy trying to talk to a black party it's uh it's about the what's it called it's calming down a black person because he's uncomfortable because he's around a lot of white people so it's like how to make a black oh so it's empathetic empathetic.

You know what it is.

I don't

know what it is.

Can I see the other vape, please?

I don't know what it is.

Anyways,

when's this strike going to end?

I don't know.

I'm not even in any of those things.

You're not in a strike?

No, but I have solidarity with socialism, of course.

But we own the means of production, okay?

You know, we've overcome a fucked up system

where the man screws you.

Yeah.

You know?

They should do the Kings of Production comedy special.

And it's black social, black DSA

comedy for Netflix.

Yeah.

Recorded now during the strike.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Record a standout.

Scabbing.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Recording jokes that you clearly did not write yourself.

Strawberry mango.

That's a good flavor.

Yeah.

Okay, I guess that bit kind of works.

It's about a white guy trying to impress a black guy and then embarrassing himself in the process.

Yeah, I mean, you came out high and you said Lenny Bruce was not funny.

No, no, but I just did anything I've heard, I just thought he was just saying cat and like, you know, like, I thought it was, it was too jazz or something.

He was like doing like, he was just a cool guy that people liked.

Yeah.

Is that right?

I don't know.

The middle of the last century was fucking dumb.

But have you listened to Woody's albums?

Do Do you think we're going to have a World War?

No.

Why?

Because everyone's...

We've talked about this before, but there's...

They're making even more Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars Cinematic Universe.

I went over to Jonah's yesterday,

and we watched the Shane special together.

He was watching yet another Star Wars property with a fucking...

What's her name?

Not Zoe Saldana.

Some other actress where she has like alien shit on.

And he's like, yeah, it's good.

No one's going to do a World War while this crap's happening.

Why not?

I don't know.

Bill Hicks or something.

What do you mean, Bill Hicks?

Yeah,

I feel like Bill Hicks would say it, you know.

It's like, you know.

I don't know.

Have fun with me.

I'm sorry I made us listen to the Lenny Bruce.

We can listen to the Lenny Bruce.

I was just interested in it.

And you know what?

I think Lenny Bruce came across all right in that.

No one's watching this at this point.

We just sat here and listened to a 10-minute.

They love that.

We vacuumed for 20 minutes on this.

That's visual.

That's fun.

It's not sitting around listening to us sitting here in our faces while we were listening to it.

What are you going to do in Greece?

What are you excited about?

But your upcoming vacation to Greece

is that funny?

Okay, yes, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you.

I'll tell you.

I'm going to Athens.

And then I'm going to

two cycladic islands.

Yeah.

And I'm going to turn my phone off

and I'm going to read books.

Yeah.

What books are you going to read?

What do you think I'm writing about in Athens?

What are you going to do in Athens?

I'm going to see the Acropolis.

This one girl that I used to see

went to Athens when I was seeing her and she said she went to this store

and this guy is like a jeans savant

knows everything about jeans he can look at a woman's ass

and

he like uh like in diagonaly where they like give the kid the perfect wand just for them he can go through his what is that a reference to harry potter oh

he can go through his archive of jeans and give the woman a a pair and it'll be the best her ass has ever looked.

Really?

Yeah.

Interesting.

So I told my girlfriend that.

You wanna go to the jeans store to get ass jeans for yourself?

No, I told my girlfriend that I heard that there's a place where there's like an ass savant.

Mm-hmm.

And now I regret it.

Why is she mad at you?

No, but she wants to go and I don't want to.

What if this

that doesn't sound good?

Yeah, you could have been at the Acropolis.

I'm gonna go to the Acropolis, but this guy's gonna be like,

I don't know,

it's scary.

When he looks at so she takes her pants off completely?

Not in front of him.

But he'll look at her body and he'll know exactly what her body needs.

Yeah.

That's something I would never be capable of.

Uh-huh.

And I feel like I'll be a little bit alpha by that.

When you see the Acropolis, it's like a house on a hill.

Yeah.

And what do they do there?

The Senate, maybe?

Or like.

Why do you want to see?

Why do you want to see the Acropolis?

Of all the things in Athens, you can go do.

Isn't that the most famous thing?

I don't know.

You tell me.

You're the one that's.

You spent all this money to go to Greece.

I figured you'd have to.

How much money did I spend?

I don't know.

Probably $20,000.

No.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

It's a month in Greece.

I'm not going for a month.

I'm going for a week and a half.

All right.

A month in Greece.

Stop making a rented a villa.

Do you want to come?

No.

Why not?

Because there's stuff to do.

You're going out of town, too.

No, I'm going to Boston to do shows.

I'll be.

And you're going out of town, too.

For two days afterwards.

I have to go pick up my car.

Do you understand at most jobs people have PTO?

What's that?

People are allowed to...

Pissed tough.

Pissed tough.

I'm pissed off.

People are allowed to take a breather.

Yeah.

I think when I get back.

I'm not criticizing you for taking a breather.

I'm saying you're wasting it.

But you spent $25,000, $30,000 to do a month in Greece.

You know, at the beginning of the show,

right after we found this space, I went home for my dad's birthday, and you referred to it as vacation.

Yeah.

It's not a vacation.

This is a vacation.

Okay.

I said, well, you're holding a grudge for two years, so you said, I'm going to make a point.

You're like, I remember this.

No, I think you have an aversion.

I think you have an aversion to the concept of,

I don't know, there's just no time.

No time for what?

To go to Greece for a month.

I'm not going for a month.

You spend $30,000 to go to Greece for a month and you have no plan.

I have a plan and you want to order costumes from Mexico that are going to arrive in 2024.

Not 2024.

You said I have to have these Mexican costumes

that are going to arrive at the end of 2024 and then we can finish the chat chat episode.

Well, you know,

I didn't say that, first of all, it's not the costumes.

You're not sure.

I understand.

You're Fincher.

I understand.

I respect it.

I respect it.

That's not the issue.

You know, in the movie Titanic, James Cameron had on the bottom of every...

The last thing is very hard.

On the bottom of every plate.

I've seen hundreds of people and none of them are right.

On the bottom of every plate in Titanic, in the dining hall, the grand dining hall, there was like a stamp that they actually had on the real plates.

You never saw those in the movie.

And it said Titanic plate.

It said HMS Titanic plate.

Yeah.

You know?

And Cameron demanded those.

Yeah.

He said that filmmaking is like war and he's a general.

And I see a lot of that in you.

I respect it.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

And what war would the Titanic be?

Titanic War.

Oh, okay.

What war would Avatar be?

the Boer War?

Yeah.

Those are cool wars.

No, the Zulu.

What was it?

The the the Boer the the Boer Wars are cool, dude.

Because it was white-on-white crime?

Yeah, but also because the the those Dutch guys had just been they've been down there inbreeding for what, 300 years?

200 years?

Probably around that time.

When after Jan van Riebeck came.

Yeah, they were down there inbreeding, so they they waged war like savages.

They were basically.

They did guerrilla warfare?

They did guerrilla warfare.

And the British did the first concentration camps.

So guess what?

These Jews want to complain.

But it was

the Dutch.

It was the Buddha.

The Dutch were the first ones to be genocided?

Well, they were the first ones to be rounded up.

Yeah, but I don't feel like it's genocide if it's a made-up race.

It's a bunch of Dutch people that fucked each other over and over and over again and then they're like, well, we're African now.

I don't think they ever claimed that.

Well, now we're African.

I think if they actually were doing that, they'd probably be nicer to the Africans.

That's what they did, isn't it?

No, they weren't.

They had their own language and they're like, this is African.

We're African.

No, they just spoke.

I don't know who all these black people are, but we've been fucking our cousins for 200 years.

They spoke a derivative of Dutch.

Yeah.

Called Afrikaans.

Yeah.

That is just like it's kitchen Dutch.

What does kitchen Dutch mean?

Like uh like kitchen Spanish, you mean?

Like servants.

Yeah, okay.

It's I don't know if it's a pidgin or a dialect or whatever.

It's weird.

That that that that uh kid with the bowl haircut, the retarded kid that shot up that black church a couple years ago,

Dylan Roof.

I feel like he's saying retarded.

It's kind of letting him off.

He had low IQ?

Yeah, I think he was like an imbecile.

They let him go to McDonald's.

No, they got Burger King.

Burger King.

While interrogating.

Oh, I don't feel bad.

Yeah.

Burger King is crap.

Yeah, that was the thing they made a whole lot.

Yeah, I remember.

Oh, yeah.

They took him out to a special.

It's like, do you really think that's what happened?

He was really into Rhodesia.

That's what I mean.

It's like he was into all that,

those inbred Dutch people.

Did he get killed in jail?

I don't think so.

Dylan?

Yeah, what happened to him?

I think he's just...

Weren't they going for the death penalty for him?

Oh, Oh,

great news.

What?

Message from...

What?

I can send you overnight.

So we can get the...

Tomorrow?

Yeah.

Adam, beep that word.

Yeah, bleep the name clt.

Yeah.

Okay, so we can get it tomorrow.

Yeah.

Guys, great news.

We can finish the episode.

I'm very happy.

Well, I don't know if it'll be tomorrow.

I mean,

he'll do overnight shipping.

Okay, I'll just deal with this.

You know what?

If Rachel has a lot of shit to do, I'll do it the rest of the day.

I'll find location, casting everything.

Yeah, let's do it.

All right, let's unbuy these now.

You trust me?

Yes.

You said it quietly.

Yes, I trust you.

Hold on.

I'm going to do buy it now.

Nick has an email.

What's that?

Sorry, I'll do this afterwards.

He said he changed the shipping price, but I look at the listing on the item, and it still says

the regular price.

I'm very excited.

If we can get these in, perfect.

Because that was like the main thing hanging over my head.

I don't mind if the other aspects are kind of rinky-dingy.

You really take costuming seriously.

You're really into

outfits.

Well, it adds to it.

It really does add to it.

Do you remember when you were in a bad mood that day

and then you went on a pissed walk and you came back with laces and you were in a great mood?

No.

What are you talking about?

Because your boots didn't have the right laces for the Marty sketch.

They didn't have laces at all.

You had to use one of the shoelaces to fix.

But you completely, when you came back, you were like, you were beaming.

Well, because we were ready to go.

We were like, you know, there was a bunch of shit hanging over.

But no one even saw the laces.

Yeah, but I can't walk around.

I mean, I guess I could.

I just needed to get shoelaces to put my, to tie my shoes.

I understand.

Here's what I did.

You're stamping the bottom of the plates.

Here's the problem.

Yeah, I'm not stamping the bottom of the plates.

We want to get things done.

It's like,

I'm not comfortable like, oh, let's shoot this.

You happen to like, great, we got the line out.

What if you trip or something and then it's fucked up and you have to do it again?

It's like, I don't want there to be any room for any of that.

Let's not like roll on.

you know,

just a fucking walkthrough of or a dress rehearsal.

Let's get it right and do it because there's a lot of shit to do and we got to get it out of the way

i know you like you like taking you like to do 35 takes to deliver one line are you kidding me

what do you mean i don't like doing 35 takes

that seems to happen you know david fincher does that actually well you okay so for the audience for the audience

nick made me do 47 takes of one line because you didn't say the line It was fine.

We watched it back.

It was fine.

Because the editor sat and had to pick the best one out of the 45 that was fine.

I'm sure there were 25 that were fine.

Ginsburg, is that true?

I'd have to go back.

Yeah, very.

No, very diplomatic, Adam.

He'd have to go back.

Very diplomatic, Adam.

Oh, we'd have to go back and check.

Very diplomatic, Adam.

I'm sure.

Listen, maybe there's one or two.

Listen, it's nice.

This is nice, Nick.

Yeah.

Well, you're doing what you do.

This is nice.

You're publicly broadcast.

You're going to put it on me like I'm holding everything up.

No, no, there's no shade here.

I mean, you are holding things up.

You definitely are holding things up, but it's no shade because you...

I'm holding things up.

Yeah.

No.

Outside circumstances are holding things up.

The costumes from Mexico?

There's not costumes from Mexico.

I mean, it's ridiculous.

You keep saying that as if there's, because people believe that.

They think that there's costumes in Mexico that there's one thing that would be ideal because the other options are would my

my I've been nothing but honest with you people no for seven years no

and I know you have my back on this anyway Nick it's nice this is all nice and it's no shade very condescension no no it's no shadehanded it's no shade aggressive no no you you have standards that you adhere to it has nothing to do with standards it's like this there's something that has to be done and this is the way it has to be done

I thought

it

bleeped this.

I thought you could just buy.

I thought that those were something that you could just buy.

That's not the case.

You can order like

vinyl props that look ridiculous that will get in the way when you're trying to perform.

Ginsburg bleep this word again.

Who, Nick, is going to watch it and say those

aren't right?

It has nothing to do with them watching.

Who is going to watch it and say, those are bad things?

That's

not the concern.

It's like, let me get these things on and I can't walk down the fucking hallway.

It's going to kill you?

No, they just are, they'll fall off.

They'll get fucked up.

That's funnier.

No, it's, but that's not the point.

That's not like, we don't, all this other shit.

It's like, this thing is fucking you know it's nice this is nice this is going to be a fucking problem what why because it's it's not the right size it's gonna like get in the way you're not gonna be able to shoot around it

all of these things are real concerns

we that's gonna be

i built i built i had to build this thing we're very lucky i had to build this thing Because and it's like, oh, just use like a regular box.

It's like, well, then it won't make any fucking sense.

No, and it was amazing.

Right.

Yeah, it was.

You want to do it the way that it'll work out.

I want you to do it the way you want to do it.

I do.

I'm not being difficult.

They're very basic.

When you showed me that

from Mexico yesterday on eBay, and you said we can't get these for four weeks.

I did not say four weeks.

You said end of the month.

The 22nd of September.

It's a little bit.

All right.

Well, now the problem's solved.

This is cool that we got it.

The other thing, bleep this, Ginsburg.

That's another thing that's a fucking problem.

I'm sure

that is that's already coming from Amazon.

I'm sure we could accomplish that.

And the reality is, this should have been done weeks ago.

I thought there were other things.

I thought I could just make one little quick trip and have all this banged out.

And now.

And Ginsburg, bleep this.

I would have assumed I would have assumed that there was a store in New York City.

There is not.

In fact, I called several.

I talked to the Bronx.

And they're like, yeah, no, they ain't nothing like that.

It's really cool.

We're very lucky, Nick.

Yeah, of course we are.

This is awesome that we're arguing about

shit.

And it's going to be so funny.

Anyway, guys, sorry about this.

A little bit of, you know, when you have a creative partnership, it's, you know.

Sometimes things boil over.

The biggest hang up is this going back and forth on the location thing and doing it, because Bobby can work wonders, right?

Bobby can do like really cool stuff.

But doing like isolated performances in front of a green screen, it's like it little, just be the performances will be shit.

It's very hard to do.

We did it with the tiny nick thing.

And no, it felt natural.

No, it didn't.

Yes, it did.

It felt natural.

You can't talk to an invisible person.

So you have someone off-camera reading lines.

Acting.

That's not normal, though.

They do that in movies all the time.

When you get coverage of different people, you have the other person on the other side.

Those are professional actors.

But that's how people make shit.

When I go bowling, I'm not a professional bowler.

I use the thing, the bumpers up and I use the thing.

The slide, do you think?

Yeah.

Because what do I want to do?

Go there and not use the bumpers.

and not get a 300.

Finish every game and the score is 65.

No thanks.

Bumpers up, rail.

I'm rolling 140 every time.

So if you want bumpers up, you got to get

that orange.

They don't let you wear them.

I asked the bowling alley.

I was like, let's say you got a

beep it.

Yeah, because those that would be good too.

That would be very funny.

Yeah.

Maybe for the next one, we can bring him back.

Yeah.

Anyways.

Anyways, guys,

I really want this to get out before I leave on Monday.

And we're going to try our fucking damnedest to do this.

But I could also say this, because of the amount of time that it's taken,

more and more things have happened and it's gotten more and more ambitious.

And

you will be fucking pleasantly surprised.

Huge things.

Huge things.

Overpromise.

Okay.

I'm not overpromising.

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Here, I'm going to send it to you.

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Just give me your phone.

No, I'm just going to send it to you.

Why?

Because you're expecting a text from your boyfriend?

I'm not expecting a text.

If you read it, we can multi-text.

But I put my phone away, so I'm not on my phone in the show.

Oh, right.

That's a first.

It's not a first.

I've been doing it for months.

I just haven't noticed.

That is a first.

You just haven't noticed.

The first time you've ever done anything.

my water tastes bad.

It tastes like pool water.

I don't know why.

I never clean those shits.

I clean it constantly.

Really?

Well, yeah, it'll start.

You have one of those brush things?

Well, no, you can use a...

I mean, it's...

Yes, I do, but the thing you need to clean is the top part.

The mouth part.

Yeah, this thing.

Because this thing will start to...

If you put anything else in here once, it'll start to stink.

Sometimes I'll do a little...

I'll do a splash of Gatorade.

Honestly, bro, you need to get the straw lid.

Why?

Because it's a way more efficient means of consuming water.

You get more water.

Dude, I got back into the Reddit, Yeti subreddit, because I was like, how do you clean this fucking?

They're not going to like us doing this.

Who?

My bookie.

Okay, guys.

How do you smell that?

It smells like the fucking pool.

Chlorine is nice.

But why does it smell like that?

Reminds me of Summer.

By drinking chlorine?

I mean, probably there's shit in the water.

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You play Blackjack, you play slots, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

You could bet on the fucking ponies.

What else?

Pornoy

bought a horse.

You didn't know?

There's like a film in between your lips.

I can see.

Like what?

Portnoy bought a horse?

Yeah.

Like Tony Soprano?

600 racks.

That's what they told me at Barstool.

And what does he do?

He just rides it around the city?

No, he gets a little

guy to go on it.

A racehorse.

A racehorse.

Oh, I thought he had like a...

A General Washington-style horse.

What kind of horse did Washington have?

In Appaloosa?

What kind of horse is that?

I don't know.

I think that's the type of horse.

You could bet anything, anytime, anywhere, only with my bookie.

A Spanish Arabian.

That doesn't make sense.

A Kentucky Spanish.

A Kentucky Spanish.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've got a Kentucky.

I just spent a million dollars on a Kentucky Spanish.

He's like, yo,

you

guys want to

take a a nap partner.

I don't know what the fuck.

What is it?

I'm so tired.

Yeah, playing banjo.

Yep, I can't wait to

fucking

go to Home Depot.

Be friends with a cactus.

I don't know.

Why are horses so expensive?

Huh?

Why are horses so expensive?

You can race them and make a bunch of money off them.

No, but even if you have what

do you mean?

We know someone that claimed to grow up poor, and then she said she had a horse.

Are there poor horses?

No, it's expensive.

You have stable fees.

I feel like you could just find one.

You don't have to pay all that.

You could just have a horse.

No, if you find one, then you have to break it.

Yeah.

You have to break it.

Uh-huh.

And it's a long process.

You have to earn its trust.

Yeah.

You have to get kicked off of the horse.

Yeah.

You have to have sex with it.

Yeah, I don't really trust horses.

Anyways, what are we talking about?

My bookie, you can bet on the.

That's a ridiculous.

No, we finished that.

That's a ridiculous.

Nick, that is a ridiculous.

Promo code T-A-F-S.

You didn't say that.

I did twice.

Three times, actually.

Oh, my God.

What?

Every 20 minutes I get an email from YouTube.

Don't look.

I can't help it.

Every time I pick up the phone, it's like, hey, here's more bad news.

What is it?

I don't know, man.

To get started, go to mybookie.ag.

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When you're ready, make your...

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You're not putting emphasis on any of these things.

I trust you to read.

Dude, I was emphasizing

that.

Send me the read.

I'll say you can just look at my phone.

You say, no, send it to me.

I send it to you, but you insist on doing it.

And then you want to rush through it.

This is what happened.

Very cute.

This is what happened.

Very cute.

Two bald face lies.

First of all, your bald face.

Is it bold face?

Bald face.

Your bald face.

What is a bald face?

I have a mustache.

So, what is a bald face lie, though?

It's a guy that can't grow a beard.

They're traditionally liars.

If you can't grow facial hair, that's not somebody you can grow.

It's not true.

It's 100%.

It's not true.

And I do grow it, just not consistently.

Credible men grow beards.

It's a historical truth.

Yeah, it is.

Hitler could grow a full beard.

This happened.

He should have done last year.

We should have gotten like a final.

If Hitler, like imagine if I were Hitler, and let's say it's the fall of 1945, right?

Bunker.

Yeah, it's right before the bunker.

I'm going Hawaiian shirts, beard.

Like I'd make myself look like Michael McDonald.

And then I'd be like, look, I don't care about any of this shit, dude.

Yeah.

Start a podcast and be like, look, I don't fucking, like, who cares about fucking...

Check out.

Just be like, who cares about World War II?

This strategy.

Just be like, dude, Hitler is chill, actually.

Yeah, and then fucking scot-free.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's at Nuremberg.

He doesn't shoot himself.

He's at Nuremberg.

He's crushing.

I feel like if Hitler did all the things that he had done and he had just been a guy that worked in the Trump administration, he could go, he could just appear at the VMAs and introduce Taylor Swift and be like,

protect trans kids.

And people would be like,

Hitler, welcome to the resistance.

That's all it would take, I feel.

It's very easy to flip-flop.

It's very easy to rehabilitate people in the publics.

Yeah.

Like Michael Cohen just like started talking shit on Trump.

Yeah.

And now everyone's like, I love that guy.

Yeah.

It's funny because cynically you would think that people can be canceled very easily.

But I'd say it's almost easier to rehabilitate people than to cancel them.

I think to some extent,

even if you learn the right lessons, you don't get credit for it.

Like, who?

If you cynically do this thing to get public approval, it's different than someone actually learning the right lessons.

I think you're still crucified for your past eventually.

You know what I mean?

No.

Old videos have surfaced of this person, you know?

That happens all the time.

And people can't simply say, Oh, yeah, I was wrong.

Like, who?

I don't know, Paula Dean.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

All right.

Mybookie.ag.

I'm sorry that was the example.

Promo code.

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I'm having fun.

I'm having fun.

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I'm having fun.

I would like a Quest bar.

We'll go to the...

I should, you know.

We'll go to the vitamin Shoppie after this.

I'll buy you whatever you want, Nick.

No, no, I'm getting more questions about the sag thing we got to be careful

we can't be look we can't be in a position where you say all of these wildly transphobic and rhythmic no I don't say anything I don't say anything like that for years you you won't you just change the name of the show so that I get blamed for it and then you advertise yourself you say yes but I'm still a leftist right And now when it comes to demonstrate those values and make sure that we're above board with the unions, that we don't do anything that is scabbing, and that we don't

facilitate scabbing by, you know.

I voted for Bernie twice.

I can park in a handicap parking lot.

I can do whatever I want.

Yeah.

I tried.

I voted for Howie Hawkins.

Who's that?

The Green Party guy.

The Green Party.

Yeah.

Was it?

That's what I thought for years.

But it wasn't about weed.

It's about recycling.

Ugh.

Yeah.

It's not the weed party?

No.

What is the point of the Green Party?

To like do nothing?

Yeah, I guess.

Was Ralph Nader green?

Yeah, I think Nader ran it.

But why even bother?

Why even bother running?

I don't know.

Nader kind of

was trying to help Bush.

Yeah.

Didn't Buchanan also run in 2000?

Yeah, Pat Buchanan did did run.

That's what happened with the Hanging of Chads is all those old Jews were accidentally voting for Perot.

Ross Perot split the Republican vote in 92.

92.

92, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Love that guy.

Ross Perot.

Yeah.

I had an uncle that was the only one in our family that voted for Perot.

I told you, there was a comedian.

There was a comedian that when I started, he would do

all this stuff about the Iraq war.

And then at the end of the joke, we'd go into a Ross Perot impression.

And it's like, oh.

Oh, Desert Storm 1?

Well, he's just like, he's like, oh, this is great.

I can do all my Gulf War stuff.

I can do all my Gulf War stuff again.

But he left all the Ross Perot shit in.

So it's like, just dated all of his

Gulf War material.

Should we do that?

Should we split the vote?

So damn insane.

I call this guy so damn insane.

Should we split the vote if Trump is like gaining traction?

Let's all make a promise to not vote this election.

No way.

Yeah.

No way.

I saw Donna Brazil

saying that they got to figure out a way to trick blacks into voting for Joe Biden.

She was on CNN.

She's like, we've got to figure out a way to trick all these wily blacks and Latinos into...

I might be paraphrasing the way she said.

They're starting to like Trump.

Me?

No.

Like

in the Orlando area, like Puerto Rican voters swung it for Trump.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Minorities like him.

Why do you think that is?

Because he's a pimp.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They like pimp shit.

Yeah.

That's why we have to trick them.

Okay.

Well, do we have to do that?

I don't have to do shit.

Okay.

I have to have an empathetic

junior style.

Isn't it college-educated white women are the ones that are a problem?

Aren't they?

I think they actually are the problem.

They're the ones that are like the shittiest voter.

Yeah.

They always pick the shittiest thing to vote for.

They're were like, oh, I won.

I learned this in college.

I'm voting for Donald Trump.

They write in boyfriend.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

What?

Whenever you go like that, it just makes me feel like.

I don't know.

I think

you had a lot of confidence about we need to pre-record a bunch of episodes before.

What is going on?

You're also going to be out of town.

No, I'm gone five days.

That's not true.

You said you're going for a week and a half.

I'm going for a week and a half.

No, I did not say I'm going for a week and a half.

You're going for a week and a half.

I said, look, I am in Boston 15th, 16th.

I will be back in New York the 23rd.

Just get a flight.

Come with me.

Cancel Boston.

I can't.

No, first of all, I can't cancel Boston.

I already canceled all the rest of my show.

I have a king-sized bed in some of the hotels.

I'll sleep on the floor.

You know what hotel I really want to go back to?

Or my girlfriend will sleep on the floor?

You and I will get the bed.

I remember that hotel we stayed at in Brisbane.

So nice.

Dude, that place was awesome so nice so nice yeah you were the dude at that hotel what do you mean you were like you liked me there no you were doing your jeff daniel or what's his name uh

i was bowling what are you talking about i don't remember i was on pills that whole weekend yeah you were being the dude you were wearing a fucking you were wearing that robe yeah you were walking around

one time you pointed at me you're like You're a good fucking guy.

Yeah, I was on tram-adol for the whole weekend.

You were on Tramadol.

Yeah.

Because that guy Josh was getting you opioids.

Yeah, you want some trammies?

I'll get you some old tramadol.

I'm like, sure.

This is weird Australian medicine I haven't heard of.

When we were at that open mic in Melbourne, you like walked up to me and you like put both your hands on my shoulders.

You're like, it's a great outfit, Adam.

Yeah, I was fucked up.

You were fucked up.

Yeah, no, that was nice.

And we got that food at that restaurant.

Yeah.

You wore that robe in the Brisbane hotel for like three days and you're like, and then you looked it up online and you bought the robe.

years later I bought it

years later I found it it was a great robe Venroy robe which I think uh it's like a waffled robe no it's not waffled it's just like stonewashed linen but it was very soft and now it's uh I still have it I mean I wear it pretty frequently but it's it's got like a starchy feel to it the linen's scratchy I don't know what happened to it linen isn't that comfortable it is when they do it right but I guess I don't know how to care for it my girlfriend has a linen duvet cover and I fucking hate it.

It gets too hot.

It doesn't breathe.

Yeah.

Linen is supposed to be the thing that breathes.

No, it's just lightweight.

It's lightweight.

Dude, I schmitz under that thing.

Yeah.

I guess my opinion on sheets doesn't matter.

She's the girl.

It could be the comforter itself, though.

It is downed.

Yeah.

Then there's her design.

Every summer I tell her I want a summer weight blanket.

And I'm ignored.

I do my way in a hotel style.

So

I have a down blanket, which is like barely filled, but it's just a soft blanket.

And then that goes in between two top sheets.

And that goes on the bed.

And then the comforter sits at the end of the bed.

You don't have a duvet cover?

I have a...

You have two sheets?

I have a duvet cover that goes over the comforter.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

You don't slip it in, though.

I put the comforter in a duvet cover.

Oh, you do?

But the down blanket is...

This is good.

This is good.

How to make your bed.

How to make a bed?

The down blanket is

down blanket is sandwiched in between two flat sheets.

You fold the top flat sheet under and then the top flat or bottom flat sheet over, and then it looks like one big heavy top sheet.

And then that's usually enough for the summertime.

If it gets cold, I like to blast the AC.

I like to be cold at night.

I like to sleep cold.

I have

the comforter also at the foot of the bed.

Pull it up.

If it were up to me, AC 12 months.

I pretty much do that.

No, she doesn't let me.

Why?

Because she's I run at a different temperature.

She's like, my breasts are sweating.

My breast.

No, she's like, my breasts are too cold.

I want my breasts to be sweaty.

No, it's the opposite.

My breasts sweat.

I'm a man, so therefore...

Apparently in offices, they keep offices cold because it's...

To keep women out.

No, it's the men's temperature.

And every...

I remember when I had a desktop, every woman had a space heater under their desk.

Yeah, it's for their eggs.

And they were like, like, because they're making eggs.

Because they're like chickens.

Yeah, but they're like spiders, really.

They have like hundreds of eggs in them.

And they were like, I'm cool.

Yeah.

A chicken has one egg.

A chicken's more human than a human woman.

They lay only one?

They lay only one.

One egg at a time.

Really?

Human women are out there built in webs.

They got a whole sack of eggs.

They murder you.

I need all my eggs.

I need my space heater.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Girls are crazy, dude.

Are they?

Don't get me.

What kind of Adams?

Let's do the Adams Girlfriend's Bitch segment.

No, she's lovely.

She's lovely.

I love her.

She's love my life.

I've never loved someone this much.

Really?

I never knew I was.

Is that true?

Even Seal when his second album came out?

I wasn't that big a fan.

Really?

Yeah.

I find that to be shocking.

No, I wasn't that big a fan.

I like the Batman Forever song.

Yeah, Kiss from a Rose.

Yeah.

My power, my passion, my faith.

Yeah, and you got the scars, too.

You got the lupus scars.

I got it from Africa.

Yeah.

From growing up in Africa.

He's not from Africa, though.

I think the scars are from being a kid in Africa.

I think they're from lupus.

I think he had like an autoimmune.

Did you mind just being raised with him?

Yeah.

Look it up.

Well, what do you think happened?

He got fucking...

like a bunch of people.

I think he had a pig and shot him in the face.

No, I think he had some sort of illness as a kid.

I thought it was, he just had lupus.

I thought he was from like the UK.

I thought he was a British guy.

I think he's from there.

One of us can look it up.

Seal, scars.

Yeah, type of lupus.

He didn't get it from Africa.

No.

Well, that's bad for me to say.

Yeah, born in Paddington, Bayer, London, England.

Ginsburg, cut the seal apart.

No, leave it.

No, why?

It's not nice for me to have that out there.

Born in St.

Mary's Hospital.

Someone told me that, I guess, when I was a kid and I liked Batman forever.

Yeah.

Controversy.

See you came under criticism from human rights groups for appearing at an event in Grozny that turned into a birthday celebration for Ramzan Kadyrov.

Oh, I heard that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Also appearing at the event were Hilary Swank, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Vanessa May.

So sick.

Yeah.

Sounds like the best party ever.

Who's Vanessa May?

She's a violinist.

Seal refused to apologize for appearing at the event, sending a message from his Twitter account telling people to leave me out of your politics.

That's cool.

That's pimp.

Yeah.

I also like the other one.

We get a little crazy.

She looks great.

Notice that picture of 2023

and she's beautiful still.

Catherine Mannheim.

Who's that?

I don't know.

Who'd you say?

Sade.

Oh, really?

She looks amazing still.

Yeah.

The most beautiful woman ever.

Mm-hmm.

She's my number one, I think.

Yeah.

You know, looks crazy as Madonna.

Yeah, she's...

What'd she do to herself?

I don't understand how people go down that path.

Plastic surgery?

Yeah.

I think you just, like, get a little bit and it looks alright.

And then you're like, I'm going to get a little bit more.

And then, like, eventually you just look like a Peking duck.

Yeah, she looks fucking crazy.

She looks like the magical Mr.

Mistopheles.

She looks like she's from cats.

Oh, wow.

Never have I ever

injected saline into my eyebrows.

I heard a song of hers the other day that I forgot about, and it's so good.

Which one?

The one that sounds like kind of Asian?

That's Madonna Bitch.

It's Madonna Batch.

No, the um.

uh

You know that one?

No.

Um

it's this one, it's this one

sounds a little bit Asian, though

seconds, can I play it, Ginsburg?

That was 21 seconds.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Whatever, it doesn't matter.

Anyways.

That's a good song, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

You know what I tried to do?

I tried to go get dinner in Chinatown on Labor Day.

That was a mistake.

What?

Joe's Shanghai, probably a fucking like hour and a half wait.

Really?

So I was like, I'll go to Joe's Ginger, Big Line there.

And then I went to

then I ended up just going to, I don't even know, I think it used to be a different restaurant on Bayard and Mulberry.

Oh, yeah.

It's like golden something.

It's not a Nam Wa tea parlor?

It's not.

That's on Doyer's.

That's on Doyer's.

Yeah.

And,

you know, I was like, whatever.

Fuck it.

It smells nice.

It's like, it's all going to be the same.

And probably the worst Chinese food I've ever had in my entire life.

They fucked it up.

Dude, the sesame chicken was like diet coke

with Chinese five spice thrown in.

Syrup.

Yeah, it was awful.

Ugh.

Yeah.

It tasted like, it tasted like when you're like 18, you're like, I'm going to try and make a mole.

Have you ever been to Dim Sum Go-Go?

We went there for your birthday.

Oh, yeah, we went for my birthday.

Yeah.

I love that place.

Yeah, it's good.

I've been a good Chinese food in a while.

But I was thinking, you might as well just go to fucking Panda Express.

Dude, I had one in the airport recently.

Still so good.

It's good.

Panda Express is really fucking good.

Dude, I used to like, if...

There's honestly nothing better than maul, the off-brand maul Chinese food.

You know know those places where it's just like the

rice is so yellow that it stains like the plate and other shit.

Yeah, there is a place called

fucking rice.

I guess.

Teiway?

You look like you've been farming tobacco for 80 years when you're trying to eat it.

I eat with my hands.

You do?

Well, that's sort of the style.

No, I think they use sticks.

Oh, okay.

And what do you do?

You tape them to your fingers?

You tape one to each index finger,

and you go like this

Flip.

Yeah.

Benny Hana.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Chopsticks are really.

Chinese do a lot of things right, but I think chopsticks kind of dumb.

Fork is such a.

Apparently anorexics like them because you eat slower

and so you get fuller faster.

Silver chair.

Silver chair.

Yeah.

The one guy that was anorexic ever.

Yeah.

It's a good band, dude.

What songs do you have?

Tomorrow is the the only one i can think of um

i was gonna say one other thing but i just slipped my bad doesn't matter um

yeah no i i uh

fuck cut this wire cut we can't cut we don't it makes me look stupid but you are stupid i'm not stupid yeah you are

We're only at 56 minutes.

We don't have time to cut stuff.

We'll go...

We gotta do all this pre-recording.

We'll go 105.

We got all this pre-recording so you can sit on your phone in Athens.

We're recording this for today.

You're not even gonna make it to the jeans store.

No, I don't want to go because this guy's gonna like look at my girlfriend's ass and make it look amazing.

You love that.

That's the sexiest thing I can do.

Can imagine pictures to be like, he's looking at my girlfriend's ass.

She'll be sending you the group chat.

I know you will.

You think I have a cuckholdery fetish?

Yeah.

No, it really hurts your feelings to get cheated on.

Yeah.

It's not a fetish.

It's a fear.

It's a terrible fear.

I didn't say any of that.

So I'm taking pictures of a guy making my girlfriend's ass look incredible?

I also ran out of my medicine and the doctor's not calling me back.

No.

You got to go in the streets now?

Yeah.

You got to go to the bad neighborhood?

Uh-huh.

Get your medicine?

I got to go to the wrong side of the tracks.

Oh, no.

A guy's spinning pocket watches.

Where are we going to go?

East New York?

You know what time it is, pal?

Is East New York bad?

You go through it on the way to the airport every time.

And on the way to the beach.

It's not that.

It seems all right.

They have massive public housing projects, but they have this area called the Hole.

Have you been there?

It's this area that's...

John Wilson goes in the show.

It's under the water table, so they don't have sewage there.

And it looks like

a post-industrial southern...

What do they do with all the diarrhea?

They mail it?

They,

I don't know, put it on the floor or something.

You just mail it to the garbage company?

I think you mail it to the sanitation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See how they like this.

That seems like it makes the most sense to me.

But they don't,

a lot of people live, like basically, they like steal electricity and trailers and stuff.

It looks like a southern town where the factory closed.

Like abandoned by industry.

And then there are these guys called the Black Cowboys.

and they're dudes from East New York who patrol the area on horseback as like the unofficial, like guardian angels,

yeah, they're like guardian angels of the whole horse guardian, and also that the Columbo family used to throw bodies there, yeah.

They've like every now,

one more thing,

no, not that.

I've been meaning to ask you: have you seen the black cowboys?

Have you seen him?

You ever watched Columbo?

Yeah, he would act retarded.

Peter Fuck, Peter Fuck.

Columbo, sir, and Peter Fuck.

He didn't act retarded.

He has a glass eye because he stabbed himself in the face as a child by accident.

In real life?

Yeah, that's why Peter Falk has a glass eye.

No, but I thought the whole thing was Columbo would act bumbling and then he'd solve the case.

Oh, the character, yes.

But he wasn't doing like this to like.

As a bit?

Wait, you can do that?

What?

Yeah.

The one eye in the middle, one eye straight?

Yeah.

I can't do that.

That's good.

Why don't you do that in your act?

What, this?

That's funny.

Hey.

I can only...

Huh?

I can't even cross my eyes anymore.

Just cross your eyes.

You can't even do it anymore.

You start off crossing your eyes, and then you move one back to where it was.

I can't even cross my eyes anymore.

I used to be able to.

Maybe you have Parkinson's disease.

Don't.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, that'll do it.

I definitely do.

That'll do it for this week, folks.

Thanks for joining us.

Why would you end on that note?

Sorry for trying to bleed this as much as we can out of this stone.

The pre-recorded episodes...

This is not pre-recorded.

This is coming out today.

I know, but we've spent yesterday pre-recording.

We did one episode extra.

And it's just, there's a lot of pre-recording happening.

Seems like you're blaming stuff on me.

I'm not blaming anything on you.

You're also going to be out of town.

Okay.

Let's go figure out this.

Yeah, yeah, we got to figure that out.

Okay, I got to.

Thanks, guys.

Once again, Boston, September 15th and 16th.

There are still tickets left, probably,

for next week.

That'll be fun.

The final show of the year.

And then, uh, no, it's not.

We have November.

Yeah, but that's in town.

That's like, you know, we'll just hop over there at night.

It's a special night for me.

Yeah, that'll be fun also.

But

town hall, November, me and Nick.

Yes, please come out.

Thanks, bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh boy, I got this.

It wasn't that bad, Nick.

Yeah, I know.

I'm going to talk about up.

I'm alright.

You know the song?

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