The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 15

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Your ring, your way.

Pulled his shirt off.

Triggered him.

Can we get that on the show?

Because it'd be do numbers.

Do what?

It would do numbers if he, like, me dude, Bert Kreischer.

I'll do it.

I'll beat you.

You're like, speaking of Bert Kreischer, Rick was recently.

We don't talk about other people's business.

No, no, it's not.

We don't talk about other people's business.

You're right.

It's a talk show.

It's like a talk show, like an anecdote thing, like where you say, oh, I was in Hawaii.

Oh, speaking of, you were in Hawaii.

Antidotes work.

One of my, my dad's sister is an anecdote.

Lauren, excuse me.

She's an anti-anti.

Lauren.

Yeah.

What is she?

She's the antidote for getting hard.

Okay.

You set out to get me and you got me.

Don't get used to it.

What do you mean?

That's not offensive.

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

Nick is out.

He's with family.

But we're sending him our thoughts.

We love Nick.

And to replace Nick, we couldn't have just one person.

That's how much of a Titan he is.

So we got two.

We got a fan favorite, Jordan Jensen over here.

Hello.

And a fanny pack, Rick Glasma.

Here he is.

And another.

You're right.

Yeah, I'm just like, I think you're like, you're just taller...

Glasses Jew.

So you're a smaller glasses Jew.

At least I had a fun pun.

But taller is better.

What fun pun?

What are you.

The fanny.

What are you borscht belts?

Okay, fine.

No, I don't have a belt.

I don't need one.

What's

right now?

He's intimidated because what's happening right now?

Shh, tell us.

It says if he got more nutrients in the what do we call it?

No, it's genetics.

Is it woo or womb?

I never know when to use which.

It's the womb.

Right.

He would have maybe

grown to be this.

It wasn't about nutrients.

It was my father was five foot seven.

And drinking heavily.

What do you mean, drinking heavily?

No, she wasn't.

She was a California mom.

I breastfed until I was 16 years old.

Mom.

Yes.

Incredibly healthy.

I was breastfeeding per secco.

Haven't you met a California mom?

No, my mom had.

Kombucha?

No,

she had one nipple milk,

one nipple chicken soup.

That's how Jewish she was.

You know, okay, sorry.

Guys, it's my show, so I thought I was going to like chicken.

Do Jews like chicken soup?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's coming out of a table.

So do all of us.

It's because you guys always think you're sick.

Look at the myths on that.

Right towards me will do.

So, Rick, you're a problem on the court?

Oh, I thought a balloon was just let loose.

I mean,

no.

No, I'm not a problem on the court.

You're a wing slasher?

He's a little wing, he said.

I don't know what that means, but he said he's a little.

Small forward.

Small forward.

Small forward.

Small forward.

When we're playing with you know peers and like where six three is tall enough to be a forward i could play i could play six six two six three so in a in a comedian pickup game you're probably a power forward at that point no

it really depends on who's guarding me and who i'm guarding i could be but i like to slash to the hoop you know

i like to garden kale You like to garden kale or guard Kevin McClure?

I just am trying to do the puns, and you kind of infect my brain when I hang out with you.

What do you say, guard Kevin?

I look at you as somebody who is very infected.

Is that why you keep coughing on me?

you're not don't don't start being a puns well it's hard i'm not you are you're like oh my cousin cum dumped on me last weekend

you're a true truth teller

who told you that so did you uh you do you get dirty jordan did you ride your motorcycle here today yeah and when you ride a motorcycle do you ride side saddle like a lady or

you can't ride side saddle

or slut style you can't ride side sladdle when you're by yourself can you sladdle

i think a lady well, she is a

the one that you said talks about being a cum dumpster.

No, I think, you know, like a lady is supposed to ride a side saddle.

I broke my knuckle the other day.

I punched my motorcycle, punched it right down.

I was angry.

I was on the phone.

I punched the machine.

Mm-hmm.

I was on fun, and I went, fuck you.

And then I went to throw my phone.

And instead of throwing the phone, I went, better idea, and punched the motorcycle.

I lost my temper.

And now there's a big dent in my can.

You're so badass.

Thank you so much.

Oh my God.

I did drop my motorcycle on me the other day at the cellar just slowly because my kickstand wasn't down.

A man ran over, picked it off me, and then I ran over to the fat black and Sam Murrill and Derek Gaines were like, ah!

And I was like, why didn't you help me, friends?

And they're like, yeah, you had it.

And I was like, I was pinned under it for a couple minutes there.

Like, I got it.

Wow.

Damn.

Yeah.

Comedy, hanging out with friends all day.

It's the best.

So good.

Wait, so you live in Los Angeles?

What are you doing in town?

Visiting my girlfriend.

Oh, nice.

Good job.

Okay, great.

Next subject.

So it's

great to have you back.

You're the big fan favorite.

What have you been up to recently?

I've been doing the pod with Ian, being Ian with Jordan.

How's that going?

It's going good.

I saw Ian recently.

It was very nice.

He's the best.

And you have a podcast yourself?

It's called Take Your Shoes Off.

And then Take Your Pads Off.

Okay.

And then sit on this casting couch.

Yeah.

And then sit on this channel.

And And then you want to be in Hollywood?

Yeah.

Do that with your fingers more.

Yeah.

Has anyone had like a POV style podcast?

You know how they do in like pornography where you don't see the fella?

That's very scary.

I want that.

I don't like it.

It's very voyeuristic.

But I can never show people how pretty it is driving over the bridge because I can't stop on the bridge.

And I'll never know what it's like to be a mother, but I do understand empathy.

So you could still paint a picture, right?

Tell us what it's like.

I mean, your job is as a storyteller.

Tell us how beautiful it is.

Well, that's...

Well, if I had the cameras, it would be easier to do that, don't you think?

Well, if I had a calculator, I wouldn't, you know.

But you'll never know what it's like to be a mother.

But if I put on glasses while I was

shoving the baby out,

you put those glasses on the baby coming out.

You got yourself.

That's what I mean.

You might be a redneck.

I'm not a mother yet, but I was almost a mother the other day.

I had to take plan B.

Guess who helped me through that?

Rick Lasman.

He paid $40 for me.

No, but he talked me up to, he talked.

Which, ironically enough.

Did they keep it?

No, I took the plan B, and then the next day, new friend, brand new friend, calls me.

He says, just checking in.

How's that plan B taken?

And I said, thank you for asking.

I've been barfing.

Because he busted inside?

Not him, but a different guy.

Oh, really?

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, nice.

I've since gotten the nickname plan.

Well,

I think that I haven't figured out the dynamic yet for us not to talk over each other.

It's tough with three, and I don't know you yet.

It is tough with three.

Just talk over.

We're kind of relaxing into it.

Yeah.

Should we restart?

No.

Yeah.

Okay.

Should I do this thing again?

Now we still don't know who's talking.

I think we've been doing it.

Adam Cut.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Adam cut.

No, no, no.

Adam, don't do it.

Leave it on.

No, keep them, keep him going.

No, you guys do the fucking show.

Keep it going.

Adam Cotton.

Adam Cottage.

Anyway, should we take her?

She's not going to run a show.

Jordan, so how's the podcast been?

It's been going really good.

Today we had on.

I'm sorry.

Talk to me about your podcast.

You just fell asleep while I was telling you about it.

Because that's a boring question.

You want an exciting question?

I do.

You asked me.

Tell me what it is.

Tell me something that you are ashamed of that you haven't told anybody in the past year.

I pooped in a toilet.

It wouldn't go down.

So I took it it out with a plastic bag and I threw it out the window.

Really?

Where were you?

You're covering my shot, sweetheart.

Where were you?

I was at my ex-boyfriend's house.

At the time, he was a boyfriend?

Yes.

Okay.

I was...

meeting his parents for the first time

and I pooped

and it was one of these one of these issues and I was running out of

the log was this way and it wouldn't flush down the hole?

It was a magic.

You've never had that?

The magic won't go down?

Wait, are you saying

it was a big log that it wouldn't go down the hole?

I don't, it wasn't that big.

But wait a minute, it was at the wrong angle.

Yeah.

So if you were willing to take it out to put it in a bag, why not just take it out and fit it in the hole?

That's a very good question.

It's a very good question.

That's crazy.

That's like you're scared of a spider.

Instead of picking it up and and letting it outside, you pick it up, you don't know what to do, and you put it in your mouth.

Very good question.

It's a very good question.

There's a possibility.

Let's get this going.

Wait, has this not been going?

Do you want to sit in the middle?

Yeah.

No, we are adjusting to a new dynamic, and, you know.

We can let people see how it gets there, right?

Yeah.

I don't like to be manipulative.

No, you're a good guy.

See?

Insincere.

I'm not insincere.

And do people think I'm a dick?

No, it's French.

It means you're in the center.

Ensensher.

Are you drinking beer?

Yeah, I thought this would like, you know, I'm nervous around me.

He's so handsome.

He's so handsome and tall.

You're also very handsome.

My friend the other day, guess who?

Lesbian?

Yes.

I'm really getting in with the community.

She said you were hot.

I went to the cubby hole.

Is that what that lesbian's called, their vagina?

No, it is the last lesbian bar in New York City.

No, Ginger's.

Is Ginger's clothes?

Yes.

Oh, shit.

We don't want them in Apple.

What about Woods?

They just have gay night.

Cubby hole is where I picked up a stalker woman who was obsessed with me.

If you can believe it.

All right.

Hello.

Hello, and what are you doing?

Are you the girl that picked up the shit and threw it out the window instead of putting it down the hole?

I really did.

I threw it out the window.

Hello, and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.

I'm Adam Friedland.

Nick is out this week.

He's dealing with some family stuff.

And Nick, you are in our

thoughts and prayers.

So

it's good stacking nicely.

I put on Nick's jacket so I could feel more like...

Could you do me a favor?

When you blow that, I'm not making a joke of this.

Would you blow it?

Would you blow it not this way?

Thank you.

He's real about it.

He makes his girlfriend blow it out the window like she's a dog.

I make her?

You force her by hand.

Is that like a power plate?

I've seen it.

I said strong boundaries.

I don't force people to.

You know what?

Strong boundaries.

That's what they said about what's his name?

They had the actor.

He's like, my boundaries are you're not allowed to be on Instagram.

Yeah, my boundaries are you have to be with me.

My boundaries are

you, yeah, you have to be my girlfriend.

But Rick is very good at boundaries.

I have learned boundaries.

You know what I do with Ian?

I get up and he goes, I'll walk you outside.

And I go, boundaries.

And he goes, yep.

And he sits back down onto the couch.

Yeah, because he's like, she's about to meet you.

Nope.

Just because I'm learning boundaries.

But it sounds like a woman's about to accuse you.

Is that what it feels like?

Yeah, you're right.

If you say boundaries, it's like, uh-uh, I'm not touching.

Yeah, yeah.

So anyway, Jordan, you rode your motorcycle here today.

Yeah.

Did you ride side saddle or did you ride Dyke Style?

Dyke Style.

Dyke Style.

I don't know what's going on here with your style and what balls are in the air.

The first whatever many minutes, is that staying in?

Because

if it's not in, I have to redo the fanny pack it is okay it's not in so we can redo the fanny pack I know no it is in and I'm not gonna do it twice you when you came in today and I appreciated this you encouraged us to do like more of a deconstruction of the podcast the video podcast format and and I think it was a good note well don't do it too much because that's kind of my brand on the take your shoes off podcast you do your thing very fun dick cavit talk show cameras just podcasts but just so we could do that with that yeah uh and like my thing is more like we also do a lot of editing, but it's more deconstructive and like funny.

No, we don't edit this.

This is we just have to sell ads on this.

So wait a minute.

All these camera switches that you're doing when I'm going like this and it's not there, you're not going to look over and post and make it.

We just missed it, right?

We just missed it.

You guys just like ATEMS live switching.

There it is.

Are you live switching in there, Adam?

Yeah.

You can see

you're on when it's a red light.

It's on me now.

That's funny that you said that.

Make it on me.

Make it on me.

Wow.

That's a wide.

That's a wide range.

Make it on Rick.

Make it me.

Oh, Oh, wow.

But this is a two-shot.

Make his life a nightmare.

Let's go back to the next one.

Yeah, it's a two-shot.

You know, I learned as I'm an actor, and I always watch when playback where I can or where stand-ins are coming in so you know the shot.

Because knowing your shot doesn't only offer making sure you have confidence in where you are and what it's supposed to be, it also allows you to be in a place where, are we tight?

Because if we're tight, and say

that...

Thank you.

Sorry.

Say that you just lost a lot of money.

Here, go on me for a sec.

Say you just lost a lot of money.

Say that to me.

And if we're tight, let me show you how I would react to that.

Oh, it's not, let's say you lost a lot of money.

You're like, Adam, I'd like you to say.

Right.

So

we'll say why.

Adam, tell me that you're sad because you lost a lot of money in a little further away shot.

I'm sad because I lost a lot of money.

That sucks, man.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I don't think that's good acting.

You're wrong.

Stop for one second.

Go closer.

I'll show you good acting.

But let me make my point before you show me good acting.

Now let me show you tight.

Now say it again.

Rick, I'm pretty sad because I just lost a lot of money.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

That's not good acting, and I'll show you good acting.

Okay.

I want to try next.

Reverse.

Now you tell me.

I know how it works.

Okay.

Go on, Rick.

His camera.

Let me show you a good acting on the way I act.

Show me a good acting of that.

Can I try next?

Yes, you can try next.

But now I'm trying to show him good acting.

So, to him.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just not in a director.

No, I was like, that was a directing to Adam.

Adam, to him.

And you, and

action from off from off-camera.

So, Adam, tell him, tell us when you're set.

Yeah.

Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood.

Why?

I just lost so much money.

So you okay as an actor you have to know where the camera is and I'm three steps ahead of you bud people can't see look in your back pocket

You magician my back pocket

It's a

wallet

There you go, that's my wallet

Now something you might not understand is when somebody plays a game where they say they're upset because they don't have any money.

Make sure to read all the numbers on all the

I held.

I held.

I held.

You held.

No, no.

I held.

I was aware of that.

I held.

Yeah, yeah, you held.

But

the point of this is...

Jew to Jew.

How could you tell?

The point is I'm not so sad anymore.

That's my business debit.

And I could see business is good.

What does this cost you a month?

This is such a setup.

Yeah.

The room.

The space itself, not the personnel.

The space?

Yeah.

Wait, you guys, can we stop for one second?

Shit.

You forgot to take your plate and beat.

I just...

Ah, fuck.

I just lost a lot of money.

She got both of them.

No, she didn't.

I was actually.

She got both of them.

I know I had to come back to show that I was pulling out the car.

I was pulling out the car.

I saw it in your eyes.

Jordan.

Don't show the cameras.

Okay.

What did you see in our eyes?

Five, six.

I saw in your eyes that you knew.

This guy's really fucking smart.

Name any two numbers.

Okay.

Go.

20 and 3.

Heard of them.

It's a little joke.

I've done it before.

Sometimes I repeat jokes.

You've heard of the numbers.

Yeah.

This feels like a fucked, fucked up game of ping-pong.

I can't say that anymore.

No, I'll tell you what it is.

It's the two of us meeting each other in the wild.

What we're doing.

It's crazy.

We're like two dogs.

It's coastal dogs.

We're like two dogs sniffing each other's asses at the dog park.

We're like feeling each other out, and then we're deciding which one is going to hunk.

Can I tell you something?

I feel like we are going coastal versions of each other.

I could be very New York.

I'm from the Midwest, I'm from Las Vegas.

You can't be New York.

Oh, really?

Why don't you tell that to my fists, bitch?

That is New York.

They do be saying that.

They do be saying that.

Are you a little sorry?

Hey, sweetheart, where are your tits running down my pants?

I could be LA.

I could be LA.

You seem LA to me, though.

Okay, can I try?

Sure.

I got fingered.

I was fingered at Cochella.

That was pretty good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was pretty LA.

I got fingered by

Mr.

Beast at Cochella.

You think that's pretty good?

They do be saying that, no?

I don't know.

I really, I don't meet many people.

I kind of just podcast in L.A.

I feel like LA is this.

You don't hang out with anyone.

Not if we're not podcasting.

You only hang out with your girlfriend.

Or people I podcast with.

Jordan, you go ahead.

Sorry.

It's just there's two men and sometimes you have to make space for the women.

All right.

Anyway, what do you think?

Go ahead, sir.

What do you you think about that hole?

Let's hear what this hole is.

I just think L.A.

is

constantly telling a lie to a fault, and New York is constantly telling a truth to a fault.

That's an interesting take.

There are differences between New York and New York.

Interesting take.

You know what I've noticed?

I would rather be in New York when someone tells it to me straight, but at least I know it's authentic, than be in LA and someone's real nice to me, but behind my back, they say, I got a little fucking cock news flash for you.

Nobody cares because the coasts are exactly the same.

They're fucking the top 1% blue fascist cum dumpsters, not in touch with what real Americans are doing.

Real Americans aren't worried about what kind of hit implants I should get or what type of...

Real Americans care about what type of beer you drink.

No, it's trans.

They don't want to have it.

They don't want to have it.

It's trans.

Bud Light.

Real Americans don't want that.

But you know what?

I'm drinking it for the trans.

I don't think that's real.

I think it's those loud Americans that say that real American people are.

The silent majority is what you're talking about.

No, I'm talking about the

loud minority.

But you're saying

the silent majority.

They don't care.

They don't care.

Hey, in the comments, if you don't care what kind of beer you drink, listen.

They don't say stuff like that in the comments.

They're just going to make fun of your appearance.

No, they're going to make fun of me.

No, they hate me too much to even think about him.

Why do they watch you then?

Is it like in Howard Stern where the people that watch hate watch even more?

Yeah, I'm like the Beetlejuice of the Adam Friedland show.

You don't like Beetlejuice?

No, but I am like of the Adam Friedland Show universe.

Beetlejuice as a Howard Stern character, not Michael Keaton.

Beetlejuice Green.

Oh.

Wait, you thought I was talking about Michael Keaton's Beetlejuice?

No, we're talking about on W.E.

She doesn't know anything.

I don't know.

I think you know things.

Check your back pocket.

There's nothing in it.

Check it again.

Still nothing.

Sorry.

You're really good at yes and

really.

Yeah.

She did improv.

No, I didn't.

Yeah.

I did not.

She took down the UCB with her, with accusations, actually.

Against me.

I had a crazy acid trip.

Yeah, it just kicked in for you, huh?

Yeah.

I've been having a blast this whole time.

Yeah, my, my, uh,

I do wish the water wasn't an ice block.

This does feel like a cruel joke.

It's kind of like once the water calms down, that's when we know we're getting into the groove of the pump.

I'm sorry about that.

What have you guys been doing here?

You guys have been having Neil deGrasse Tyson and Bill Nye and stuff?

We didn't have Bill Nye.

Well, that's a mistake.

Why not?

He's amazing.

I want one scientist.

Move on.

New thing.

Well, then should I leave?

He's a scientist.

This is the podcast.

We don't care.

It's just a scientist.

Are you a fan of 300, the movie 300?

No, it's gay.

Because you just delivered it the same way he says this is Sparta.

This is Sparta.

Yeah.

Like a brass.

Like if you were

a hero!

This is Sparta.

Did it hurt when you got got your ear pierced?

Did it hurt when you fell from fucking heaven and I fell in love with you?

He falls in love really easy, though.

Did it hurt when you got your ear pierced?

Did it hurt when it was two punches, my fist to your

two hits, my fist to your face.

My fist on your face and then your face on the ground.

Your face on the ground.

Sorry, I fucked that up.

That's a good yes, and

well, I just wanted to know if it hurt when you got his ear pierced.

When he pierced it with a...

I was, they said I was the bravest boy they've ever seen.

How old were you when you got your ear pierced?

I was an adult man.

How old?

I got my ear pierced the day that I quit my last job because the Patreon of Cometown was doing well enough for me to just live off confidence.

Are you embarrassed right now?

Yeah, it's.

Because I don't, I'm really asking you.

You seem literally embarrassed right now.

Because when I got my ear pierced, I got laughed at by my friends.

Is it on the gay side?

No, it's not on the gay year.

Okay, I was just checking.

Why would I have it on the gay ear?

I walk around Chelsea just getting touched.

I walk around Chelsea.

That's not how it works, first of all.

Gay people just don't look at what girls are.

Yes, they do.

They touch without asking.

But they don't just look at your ear and go, like, oh, it's on the right ear.

I'm going to touch your butt.

That's not how it works.

Straight guys touch girls.

Not all straight guys.

Not all gay guys or gay women touch other girls.

No straight guys touch me.

I said touch girls.

Oh, gotcha.

Not

ladies.

Not

lumbermen.

I was throwing the football with my dad recently.

The old pig skin?

Yeah, your dad looks a lot like you.

I know it's the other way around.

Can I see a picture of your dad?

I just want to know if our whose dad is hotter.

My dad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, my dad's stunning.

He's a smoke?

Yeah.

And your dad's fucking gross.

So the football.

Yes, his dad has an accent.

You want to guess what it is?

See if you can guess it.

Yes.

Well, tell me where he's from first.

It's cheating.

Cheating, cheetah, Africa, South African.

South African?

Is he South African?

Fuck off.

What was that?

I swear to God, I didn't tell him.

No, he knew.

Yeah, I heard your name.

People comment on my podcast all the time.

He said cheetah, which brought him to South Africa.

How the fuck did he do that?

And you because he went back and then he knew.

He already knew.

He's the biggest fan in the world.

He already knew.

There's no way.

There's no way.

No way.

Does you already know?

He can't lie.

He's autistic.

Yeah, he lies all the time.

Constantly.

Well, when I go to sleep.

My father would be so much prouder of me as a comedian if I did that kind of stuff.

This?

No.

You can't do it when I'm sleeping.

I lie when I go to sleep.

Like,

that's the kind of stuff he likes.

You have such a different life, though.

I have to say.

Do you sleep standing?

What are you, a vampire?

It's not about my sleep.

No, it's about this.

It's not about my sleep.

Yeah, it's kind of a Jewish style, no?

That was a vampire.

That was drastic.

Transylvanian accent, to me, was always sounded Borschbell.

Well, it's Eastern European.

Maybe.

It always sounded like Jewish to me.

And I think it was coded anti-Semitism.

I think it is.

They want people to think that we're vampiric and that we run a bank.

Because you're pale.

And you can't go in the business.

Good big word, vampiric.

Vampiric sounds like

one of the names of one of the bad guys in Legally Blonde who went to the prep schools.

Is he one of the vampirics?

Oh.

Very true.

I really don't think you knew your dad was South African.

South African.

You didn't know my dad was South African.

No.

He went cheetah and then he went to Africa and then he was like, he's not black.

I think that's cheating.

Cheating and he went cheetah.

But that's not real.

That's not how things work.

That's how his.

I watched his brainwork.

Tell us the truth.

He had to know.

Every time there's a white hat on your knees,

then Angel gets its wings.

I mean, what is there?

That has to be a cheating.

You said cheating.

When have you heard me lie?

He lies.

He does the insincere thing.

He does the same thing that you and goddamn.

I have just met you guys.

I just met you.

I don't do what you do.

Yes.

I do my own thing.

You all say things that are insincere and it takes the guests.

You are insecure.

I'm not insecure.

I'm not insecure.

Because when I say to you...

Get over it.

We gave you the right to vote.

Yes.

That's not my brand.

I don't do that kind of stuff.

You said she wasn't a girl just though.

I said she was a lady.

What does that mean?

I'm implying that she's nasty.

No, what I was doing is I was offering the audience an opportunity to drive with me left, and then when they look in the rearview mirror, they say glassman turned right.

That's why they call me Wright Glassman.

Do they?

Yeah.

Really?

Where are these balloons coming from?

They're not balloons.

They're fruit flies because there's a trash somewhere that we haven't found.

Well then

he doesn't think the fruit flies are balloons.

He thinks they're balloons.

He's talking about my laugh.

Sounds like a balloon.

Deflating.

Oh, you have that.

Okay, now I'm sorry.

I was confused because that's...

When the the movie...

You guys are good friends?

When the movie with

Unbreakable?

Yeah.

Yeah, because Samuel L.

Jackson was in the wheelchair, where you were like...

That's when my podcast number started going up.

Really?

I got a big bump from that, yeah.

His name was Mr.

Glass.

When that movie came out,

and then when it came back out on Blu-ray, I got another bump.

Speaking of bump, how's Plan C?

What's Plan C?

It's when you...

Do you have a pregnancy fetish?

No, I've never been pregnant.

I thought you have a breathing fetish, you told me last time I talked to you.

No, I don't have a breathing fetish.

I have a breathing

fetish.

What is that?

You like people who breathe?

Everyone does.

So you'll fuck anything?

I like people who breathe heavily close to my face.

Really?

I told you this in confidence.

That?

I'm wet.

You like that nerd style breathing?

Yes.

You like...

You like the wheelchair kid in Malcolm in the middle style free?

In Doug Stinky.

No, the wheelchair kid

in Malcolm in the middle.

Yes.

Who's like

I Try and keep it away from kids because it gets a little my autistic cousin had to be stopped from watching

Asian

midget porn by his bro father my uncle.

He's like probably 25.

Did you get those switches when I was making that?

And his dad is a bro.

Dude, did we get those switches?

All about you.

We're having a nice conversation about her free cousin.

Okay.

And he caught his son looking looking up midget Asian porn like obsessively.

Yeah.

And he was talking to me about it.

Why can't it just be Asian or midget?

Why does it have to be Asian midget?

Is he a pedophile?

What's wrong with this kid?

But why can't he just like what he likes?

I think he drew the line.

I think my uncle drew the line because he saw it going into pedophilia.

The pedophilic layer, if you will.

I think that's kind of harsh to dwarfs to assume that people that like.

I didn't say dwarfs.

I said little, I said midgets and I said Asian midgets are people these days no dwarfs and dwarfs how is dwarfs okay

I mean I agree with you okay it's little people no I think dwarf is a little dwarfism is is the is the is the scientific term and it's like being like yeah but it's always the R word no that's not but it's not still used anymore the R word was not used anymore but it's not used anymore

dwarf is still used retardant

it's a word like flame retardant yes which

down syndrome which can't say anymore these days not at all.

Oh, my God.

I got dragged for saying I liked Down syndrome people.

Dragged.

Are you allowed to say dragged?

I can say dragged because I am.

You're a man dressed as a diva?

I'm a man dressed as a woman dressed as a.

Doing a lip sync to Donna Summer?

I don't know who Donna Summer is.

No, hey.

Better get on to the going if you want to find your way.

Better get on the going if you want to find your way.

And we go.

Big time the rhythm's up.

Big time, the rhythm goes.

Big time, the rhythm plays when the rhythm always goes.

Do you like Laura Gaynor?

I don't know who that is.

I will survive.

Sure, yeah, that's a good song.

From the replacements.

I love that movie.

I love that movie.

I thought.

You got called up to the league.

You made that up.

It was a lie.

No.

What does it mean when you get called up to the league?

I had a 10-day contract with the Cavs.

You were D1?

Where'd you play?

Kent State.

What happened?

Why did you stop?

I wasn't there when it was...

You know that Neil Young song?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I went there.

Yeah.

Was everyone bumping that at like beer pong tables and stuff?

I didn't.

I didn't drink.

I was really...

I was just, I was...

I woke up early.

I would go to the gym.

I would go to class.

I would go back to the gym.

You were a hooper.

Yeah.

And your life was ball.

All I did was play ball, lift weights, and occasionally

fucked chicks.

Fuck, yeah, fuck chicks.

Yeah.

No comedy.

No, fuck that.

The only thing that was funny was how quick I made these girls come.

Really?

Yeah.

Every girl you fucked is premature ejaculator?

No, but a lot of them.

Could you blow it the other way?

Apologize, dude.

I was just

engrossed.

Engrossed.

Yeah.

You seem like a sad dragon when you do that.

It's not cool.

It's not cool.

But you stopped?

I think that's a cool looking machine.

Show the camera that you're a cool machine.

I think that's really cool.

No, he took mine.

Oh.

And I used 2Alpha for me to ask for a bet.

Cut that.

Gins, time stamp, 35.

Sorry.

Okay, thank you.

Is that real?

Yeah, because they don't know the new guest.

Okay.

Oh, I thought you were cutting out that you were referred to somebody as 2Ala.

No.

He's 2Ala.

He hates when I'm already.

I alphaed him.

I alphaed him the entire time.

You weren't watching that interview?

Oh, you mean the interview that you had us watch warming up before coming in?

That's mean.

That's mean.

I was excited about it to show my friends.

And he was hating it.

He was like, pause.

They left the room.

They came back.

Well, I mean, I mean, after the first interview, you left the room to fart, to be fair.

I did leave the room to fart.

That was before we started.

No, it wasn't.

I'll never show you anything again that I'm excited about.

And I want to show you how to do it.

That's what my mom does.

Yeah.

With what

is your new bush?

No,

if you're feeling to hurt, instead of trying to find a way to have the conversation about how you're feeling to feel better, you're like, fuck it, I don't care.

I don't want to show you anything ever again.

Mom does that.

I remember.

Chuck, call that.

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Do the thing where you try and say everything I'm going to say as I'm saying it.

Can you do it?

Please?

Oh, they do that.

Remember that SNL sketch where they're making up songs together?

Yeah, it was funny.

He's He's pretty good at it.

Yeah, he also can freestyle.

Are you a rapper?

You have bars?

Adam's girlfriend has huge tits.

Yeah, but you can hoop and you have bars.

Yeah, well, you guys freestyle, don't you?

Bring us out a bar in your 30 minutes.

That was a cold.

I know your waters are freeze styles.

You can't beckon the camera to you.

Mine do you have to because they don't do it.

But yes, and he even been talking to me.

And when I asked a question, he flickered between cameras to say yes.

It's brilliant.

No way.

The camera loves it.

Is that true?

Yes or no?

The camera loves it.

I've been having fun over here, but we missed it.

We're missing some fun.

We're having fun.

We miss some stuff.

We miss some stuff.

So, so, yeah, what was it?

So, you can freestyle?

This is going to sound super corny.

I do freestyle sometimes, but it's not like a skill that I could just do.

It's whenever I have something to say, it's able to come out of me that way.

You need to have something to say, and that's what hip-hop.

That's how I feel as an artist.

That's what hip-hop is all about.

You know, if you have nothing to say, then

you can't rap.

Yeah.

You know, I'd say if you you have nothing to say I would say that is a rap

I'm serious because it's like it's over yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a rap yeah yeah it's a rap my dad would be so proud of me if that was the we can figure out

your pap

no my because we don't fuck around when we say no cat

but we hesitate for a moment we could put on our hat because the draps don't meet the taps unless we push each other back Never stop underestimating a situation where you speak to live inside your own mind.

Draps.

Yeah, what are a drap.

That's not a you give me.

When you give makeup, drap.

Well, dapping is someone is here and drapping is to be like this.

A double dap?

Well, it doesn't have to be a double.

It could be just a drap.

Dap?

Drap.

No cat.

First face.

He made up drap.

I didn't make up drap.

Drap?

Yeah, to drap somebody.

You give them draps.

Look at me.

Are you lying?

There's no such thing as drap.

Okay.

Yeah, and there's also no such thing as halfway crooks.

I learned that from 8 Mile.

I didn't know it before 8 Mile.

I think it's

Mob Deep.

No, but I learned about in 8 Mile because there ain't no such thing as, oh, play a crook!

And everyone knew it, and I'm like, what is that from?

Halfway Crooks, yeah, it's from the infamous.

It was great album.

One Pac, Two Pock, Three Pac, None.

He's Pac, Your Pock, Their Pock, None.

Or what was it?

One.

Oh, Five Pock, Four Pac, Three Pac, One.

What is this from?

Your Pac, He's Pock, No Pocks, None.

Was that Green Eggs and Ham?

No, no, that's

the end of eight mile.

I am white.

I am a fucking bum.

I do live in trailer with my mom.

Yeah, is it British thyroid?

It goes British?

Yeah, yeah, mum.

Yeah, poetic license sometimes allows for that.

Like draps.

Like,

yeah, but that's mum is the accurate usage.

Drap.

Drap.

I've heard mum before.

I haven't heard draps.

Yeah.

You will?

I will now.

I'll say it.

I'll say it now.

I actually rap in the upcoming episode of the Adam Freelan Show with our celebrity guest.

Are you good at it?

I'm incredible.

Really?

Yes.

All right.

Maybe you two should work together on a wrap, ready?

I would like it to be about

Haribo gummy bears specifically.

Go.

These walls are nice and thick.

Psych, they too ply.

I eat these things like I eat red bars unless it's made from yellow five.

Has bros, no bro.

you dap trap

nothing on the back rhythm unless you clap that ass chin scratch lip grab titty bounce

drap attack as a drag

because if you ain't got there's an old play crook yeah you still haven't said anything about

the gummy bears you fuck well I did talked about like red dye and yellow five all right can I that's why I don't eat we're siphon we're siphoning so can I can I sip absolutely yeah yeah i didn't know we were really doing that what's a siphon you want syph is where you go around you're at hit you're at freestyle club you're in freestyle club yeah you're in 10th grade yeah you're with all the kids in freestyle club

and you safe sound i'm sorry

terrible sound yeah i wasn't i was drinking okay darning some water let me see i always freeze up i'm an incredible rapper but i freeze up around other people it's a big problem okay you sound like will farrell in uh in uh step brothers you know when he's like gives a voice of an angel he's like i can't yeah but i freeze up And he's just making fun of that kind of person.

And you're like, really.

But I really am one of those people.

When I really, really are saying that as a thing.

Okay.

Let me.

No.

Okay.

Do not want me to do that.

You do like an 808.

Yeah, do it.

Do it.

I don't think so.

I'll do a 476.

No, it's a 476.

Do it.

Do it.

No, no, I like that.

No, you were doing fresh and clean just now.

No, do fresh and clean for me.

It was the first one.

No,

I don't think that's fresh and clean.

Okay, a cappella, a cappella Midwest style, no, no sound, no music.

A cappella means with ice cream.

Gotcha.

Let me tell you about my mom, McCrib.

She always cooking it up.

We play video games that she...

I froze up again.

Yeah, it's a nerve-wracking thing to do.

I do understand.

It's really hard.

That's why I was saying, like, I really only do it if I have something something to say.

Oh, you're doing the same thing.

Something I've written.

Well, because it's the hook.

It's the hook.

So you had this artist.

So you can do the hook a lot.

Yeah, I'm starting on the hook.

It's like Dancing Queen by ABBA.

You know, they start in the chorus.

Do they start with that?

Yeah, it's the only, it's, it's the only song.

It's the only ABBA song that starts with the chorus.

It's the only song, I think, that starts with the chorus ever, of all time, ever.

Really?

Yeah, they start with

Hey Now.

You're not.

That's not ABBA.

You're right.

That's he doesn't know anything.

Smash Mouth.

And he doesn't start with that.

He starts with one fist hits smash your mouth and one smashes the ground have you ever um has your ever has your mom ever brought a new lady friend home that looks like the that's mat the guy from smash mouth

no because she goes for fems but my mom is

smash mouth your your mom's like a guy fiery style yeah

she is banana this way really does she drive convertibles and yell at the windows tractors does your mom

does your mom

wait wait wait wait wait good question Yeah.

Does your mom ever

go downtown,

do it a little munchie, and then go, that's a rock star bite?

Like Fieri.

I think what he's asking is, does your mom ever heard?

Mike Diners driving the dives.

She's like, that's a rock star bite.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She does that.

Cut to the video of my mom doing that that everybody knows about.

What format, dude?

Hanging out, having fun?

No, because we don't have headphones and there's like little quick things.

And I do too many of them.

I know that.

Like they're staying.

You're that style autistic.

I swear.

You don't have to have headphones on you're walking along the street.

No.

Just that we can't hear each other well enough.

And like there's...

Are you autistic?

Because you don't have the autistic.

He said he was.

It's a spectrum.

It's a spectrum.

I don't want to have to have autistic conversations on podcasts.

Well, all the time you even do that.

Oh, is that?

You don't want to be the

identity thing.

But this is what Adam does.

If you tell him that you're something, he obsesses about it.

Like my friend is a lengthy.

He asked if I was because I farted.

No, no, no, no.

I just don't want to have to to make a meal out of this.

Listen, this is a compliment.

This is a compliment.

But prior to the episode, you said, do I fart in this room or in the room next door?

And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm going to go next door.

But then I looked at Jordan and I said, is he autistic?

Because the way I think

I would do it,

which to me means like you were.

You both have to be.

You were transparent to a fault, right?

The transparent?

Is that a mom that becomes a dad?

It's the Amazon original original series, Jeffrey Tambour Becomes a Lady.

Who got me toed for

transparenting too hard?

Right.

The way I...

My fart policy

is that...

Well, you haven't been watching the Adam Freeland show then.

I have not.

Because that was an integral part of the book.

Didn't you show her all your episodes before we filmed?

Yeah, maybe your friends should support you.

Anyway, so the way.

But what is in that box?

My fart policy is you fart and you pretend as if you didn't and then when someone smells it, you lie, right?

But then

expect the same from other people.

No, no, no.

So when you said it that way, I was like, that's very courteous, in fact.

But

that would not be

kind of a natural response for me.

And then I asked, oh, perhaps he is on the autism spectrum.

I have friends and family and we fart and it's very casual and it's fine and it's funny.

And then there's some people like, what the fuck?

I was just seeing what kind of house this is.

What if I said, please fart?

You said, if you, like, what do you mean?

I would be like, please?

Well, if you wouldn't, like, who would do that?

What kind of freak?

If you said, I have to fart, I would say, like, okay.

Some people might be like, oh, go over there.

Yeah, no one wants to smell a fart.

I don't care if you, but if you had to fart, no, I wouldn't say go fart over there.

Is that true?

Yeah.

No, he's lying.

That's a that's a

fart.

If we're filming.

If I said I'm about to fart, unless you were like some sort of like BDSM, like basement of

German like sex club.

BDSM, BGSC.

What does that mean?

Gaping fart.

What?

What's BGSC?

Big German

sex club.

Yeah.

Oh, sick.

If you were like, unless you're that kind of person where you're like, oh, I like sh uh

then he does it shiza in my face.

Like

anyone other than that would be like, no, I don't want to smell a fart.

On my podcast, we fart into the microphone.

Rick set that precedent, actually.

No, actually, Stavros did it on Cometown for seven years.

Well, on our

podcast.

Sorry.

It wasn't my thread.

I must have taken it from him.

I didn't like it when he did it, actually.

Have you ever heard a fart into a microphone that's being amplified?

Have you ever farted?

Could you just answer my question?

You did the same thing with the earrings.

Let's answer my question.

Yes, yes.

And you don't think that's funny?

No, hearing it in a microphone.

Sometimes I hit enough.

Here's what's funny, right?

I'm excited to learn.

Okay.

Have you ever farted into your cell phone while Shazam is on and found a new U2 song that you've never heard before?

I like that joke.

Yeah.

I like that joke.

It was good.

That wasn't bad.

I liked it, yeah.

That wasn't bad.

Shazam to fart, and then you find a new U2 song.

Yeah, great.

Say it again.

You know what?

Next time we're going to...

We didn't forced upon us?

What?

Remember when U2 was forced upon us?

Yeah, yeah.

We all got it

on our phone.

Yeah, we connected on our phone.

people were fans jump of lonely island uh they did a fun spoof of that in uh in rockstar i like that movie was very funny very funny we like we both like uh lonely island sandburg you've never seen rock star he's never seen any oh it's brilliant andy sandburg all day how do you guys do so much stuff all day where you're taking so much information what do you do

motorcycle mechanics yes

yes I can drive a motorcycle.

You guys can't do it.

Do you fix cars?

I would never drive a motorcycle.

Do you fix car bikes and stuff?

I have.

I don't want you on that thing.

It's too dangerous, Jordan.

No, I don't like the thought of you.

I mean, it'll be a quick death when I go.

They say that.

Quick.

Ugh, what does that mean?

Oh, that's badass, Jordan.

Well, I won't be afraid.

It'll be a quick death.

Or it'll be a fucking painful you're in a body cast.

It's too dangerous.

What's the point?

The point is

everywhere in Brooklyn.

What kind of guy is like, oh, I want to go.

It's the cost of the Ubers.

It's too much.

Get a bicycle.

Or use the fucking electrified city bikes.

That's the same as a motorcycle.

No, it's not the same.

You can't go fucking a thousand miles an hour and kill yourself, fall off a bridge.

Oh, the bridges.

The bridge is terrifying.

Yeah, the bridges are straight.

You can fly over the guardrail.

I worry about that with the wind.

Sometimes there's quite a bit of wind.

I don't want that for you.

It's so fun, though.

And we're back.

Sorry.

Wow.

How does he do it?

You are kind of magic.

You might say I'm a cheetah, but then again.

He knew South Africa.

He knew South Africa.

There's no way.

Be honest with me.

I didn't know what you got.

I went to get it.

No.

Are we halfway through?

No, we're not halfway through, but why were we switching back?

We thought we would switch back at halfway.

The halfway was the ad.

Wow.

We've crossed that bridge, brother.

Okay.

We can switch back.

I'm not being a dick.

No, I was being rude because I don't know.

I'd have to piss on things and be a dog or something around another dog.

Yeah, everyone needs to have a shtick.

On my own show.

On my own show.

On your own home.

Do you have a pill in that ring?

No.

It's a horse.

What do you mean a pill?

It looked like it was one of those things where you could turn it and have

something in it.

A little bump.

Is that like

a raver style?

I used to go to raids.

Did you?

Oh.

You sound the opposite of that kind of guy.

I didn't do any drugs.

Really?

Uh-huh.

It sounds like a nightmare.

Yeah.

So you were just watching all of that.

Oh, those nights.

That's such a funny.

Was that a pun on purpose?

Yes.

What?

A nightmare?

Because a mare is a horse and like going out at night?

No, of course it wasn't a pun on purpose.

I forgot about your horse.

You're supposed to say yay or nay.

Right hand.

My dad would be so proud of you.

Your dad would love me.

I'll tell you something.

I think I can make your dad.

I'd love you more than me.

Because

I have to do this smut for money.

Why don't you try to do a clean episode?

Where's the smut?

We're trying to stop doing smut.

Really?

We did smut for seven years.

What if a rabbi was Chinese?

We do this crap all the time.

Go on.

What if a rabbi is penny?

The Asian Jew bit was very, it was maybe one of my favorites we've ever done.

I don't like when people talk about other races or sexualities.

I only talk about that.

Can't we just all talk about just being whatever it is that we are and not talk about other things?

Yes, let's talk about being white.

It is the best.

I don't even identify.

What's your favorite part of being white?

I don't know what it's like to not be.

And all I do know is that like that's such a, that's such a, what is it called?

When it's like your benefit?

Like it's such a benefit.

What do people say?

Oh, they're talking about white privilege.

White privilege.

You know what I think one of the biggest...

Adam cut that?

Do you know?

I'm just kidding.

I got it.

What I I think one of the biggest privileges about what we get to do is this right here.

Like we get to...

That's true.

Black people have never podcasted before.

No, not specifically.

You know why that is.

Donald Trump.

I'm being serious.

Who's that?

What do you mean?

We get to do this?

Anyone does.

Everyone does this.

No, but I won't.

No.

I don't mean we white people.

Oh, I thought we were talking about whites.

What were we talking about?

No, I was talking about privilege.

Oh, for our job.

What a luxury.

Hey, they're down.

Keep looking.

If you go look a little further.

There you go.

There you go.

You see it?

Oh, yeah.

There are your tits.

I see it.

Thank you.

Couldn't find him for a minute.

I lost him.

That was badass.

You made her look at her tits.

Hey,

you ever hear this joke?

Hey, how do you get Jordan Jensen to look at her tits?

Have her put her chin down to her chest and look as close down as she can.

Just shove her head down.

Fucking bitch.

Shove her head down.

You fucking bitch.

Don't get this bitch.

No, no, no.

You have those expensive equipment.

I'll buy a new one, dude.

No, you won't.

No, you won't.

I'm fucking made of money, dude.

No, you know you won't.

Let's have a good podcast with this, you and me.

Don't destroy the sex.

This is what people want to see, just you and me.

Way better if the world.

Come on.

Lay down, relax.

Lay down.

Just laugh at us.

Way better if the world.

I pretend that we're on one of these things where you can't.

So what's your favorite thing about pussy?

Neither of you know about pussy.

I know a lot about it.

You give your girlfriend back massages and she wishes you wouldn't.

What?

You give your girlfriend back massages and she wishes that you wouldn't.

It's the opposite.

She?

No, she's always like, my back hurts.

Can you please give me a massage?

Sometimes I don't.

I don't

touch her.

She's just making this up right now.

I heard her say it.

She's constantly making me fucking give her back.

I heard you say it.

I heard her say it.

What's on the ceiling?

My girlfriend did not say that.

Yes, you were on the phone.

You're lying with me.

You're a single piece of shit.

And

you were talking to me and I heard her go, stop.

And you were like, I'm trying to give you a back massage.

And she went, get off me.

That's 100% true.

I never lie.

Not like these two boys.

Lion sex of shit.

You're going to put that on the internet.

You're not going to say that.

I've heard that on the internet.

I already have said it.

You're going to put that on the internet.

And guess what?

Guess what?

Guess what?

I was on a phone call with my friend Jordan, who's a woman.

That's me.

I'm friends with them.

Yeah.

Wait, are you talking about her or another Jordan?

Her.

And she asked for a back massage, which was quite rude, in fact, because I was talking to my friend.

She asked, but then you gave her one.

And then why did she say, stop?

Do you think it's a matter of it?

Because I was half-assing it.

Do you you think it's a good thing?

I was half-assing it.

To give a case of a case, and I was doing like when you don't really want to squeeze it.

If you aren't dating her, so you're doing kind of this.

Why don't you boys ever want to really squeeze?

I want to have headphones.

Because it's a lot of

something.

They're all because they're because she's her friend.

For a talk show, you don't want headphones, but for a show like this, headphones I really think would help us out.

The front is heavy, so her back is always hurting.

So then she's always asking.

She's huge, tits.

Huge.

Take both your baseball caps right here.

Huge.

Natural.

It does suck, though, if her back hurts.

Her back hurts, though.

My back hurts, and I ain't got no tits.

I got tits flatter than my own ass.

Congratulations.

It's disgusting.

Made me want to throw up.

Adam laughed in the back at that.

I want you to get that win.

Makes me want to throw up.

Anyway, what were you saying?

Adam, come look at my.

You know, Eleanor Roosevelt says nobody can make you throw up without your consent.

That's true.

She also said, are there weed in here?

No, it's a

little bit of candy.

No.

because i have some kiva chocolates this episode is sponsored by shut the up no free ads um if you want to get high but you want to make sure your high is consistent check out kiva go to convey kiva conventions.com slash tyso to save up to 30 off your order cut the it's all i use on my show on my show

wait do you know that eleanor roosevelt was also cousins with Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Franklin Delano?

Her husband.

Is that true?

Yeah.

You know who I am?

You know who they know it's true?

Because when I had sex with my stepbrother, he was googling famous people who've had sex with relatives and she came up.

Do you like Game of Thrones?

Yeah, I've jerked off to that scene a million times.

Do girls jerk off?

Yep.

I don't think they do.

No, I don't think they do.

I just got sent a vibrator in the mail.

I forget what it's called, but thank you so much, whatever it's called.

Okay.

You know what her maiden name was?

Whose?

Jensen.

Eleanor.

Oh.

No.

Roosevelt.

She didn't have to change her name in marriage.

Get the fuck out of here.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

It was a different time, though.

Still the time.

Do you want some seats?

Yes,

can you put, get back?

Can you, Jordan, we know you're strong enough to lift that.

You've done construction.

Not anymore.

What did you do for constructions?

I used to.

She was a carpet muncher.

That's what they call her.

Listen, I'm not gay.

I know you're not.

You guys are both.

Oh, can I tell you that I am?

I already told this on the last podcast.

That's a bad, gross thing that God doesn't like.

No, we're Jewish.

We're Jewish.

You're just trying to be shocking you're shocking yeah she's just because she goes to the cellar and then she's in this everyone's oh oh i went there

anyway do you do voices no i'm terrible at voices okay jordan i told this on the last podcast but i don't care because you're gonna you're i'm sure you'll show it to us before we leave

this is a bad gummy

Whatever I'll watch your fucking take your shoes off podcast or whatever whatever the fuck that is.

Well, you could but you you when you do you might think that I am phenomenal.

He's so cute.

Anyway, so I went to the cubby hole, right?

Walk in.

We're on a double day with lesbians.

Really?

And I'm like

with Robbie and her girlfriend.

The Bachelorette.

Bachelorette.

My favorite Bachelorette.

Yeah.

Because she went to a hard case of the borderlines.

What is that?

No, no, cut that to me.

She's a friend of mine.

What does that mean?

It means.

No, it's stupid.

You know what?

I apologize for the the autistic thing because now every girl has borderline personality, every guy is autistic.

It started three years ago.

You know, a lot of females are undiagnosed autistic because they do show less obvious and less known traits.

But this trope that autism is a man's thing is really, if you could blow the other way, degrading to the awareness and the tools that are gatekeeping.

Okay, cut that too.

Do you think people from Alaska say they're from the Upper West side?

Do you think people from Maine say they're from the upper east side?

Do you think people from Florida say they're from the lower east side?

He's in Pick San Diego.

Do you think he's in Pick San Diego?

He's doing states, California.

There's no lower west side in New York City.

But you didn't do lower.

There's no lower west side than New York City is.

New York is east of the country.

You think people from San Diego say they're from the West Village?

Nice.

Nice.

Okay.

I thought this is what your dad doesn't like.

He doesn't like this this Drek.

Sorry.

This like this gross.

Drek is fine, but Drap isn't.

Drek is Yiddish.

That's a word.

Has he said to you it's Drek?

I think your dad loves it a lot.

No, he loves the talk show.

He loves it.

He's very.

Yeah, but

this is a money grab.

Actually, I think you would like this.

Like a fucking...

That was pretty close to you

And you didn't really say anything I aimed at it was hard It was the other way and also like I got this isn't my space I I kind of set what it is you guys are gonna do what you do, but but when you blow it this way, I know that you didn't remember so I'm reminding you that's her best attempt Does that make sense?

I don't care.

So so what do you care about?

We love each other.

Well, you guys can't.

We actually love each other.

You don't have to kiss.

No, I can't get up that high.

Oh, yeah.

He's 65%, this guy.

He's He's very strong.

And his strong hands.

Look how big his hands are.

I don't know about the hands.

Can you palm the ball?

Have you ever done this, that Jordan poster?

I have a picture of it.

How's it feel?

Have you yammed?

Feels like another Wednesday.

It's a yam.

Have you yammed on a 10-footer?

Oh, yeah.

What's a yam?

I've yammed on people.

You've yammed on people.

I've yammed on people.

What?

You've yammed people.

You have a video.

You sweet potato somebody?

You can find you a video.

Really?

You have a yam.

I don't have a video of me yamming on anyone, but I have a video of yamming in-game.

In-game.

Yeah.

It's lower glycemic glycemic eta index than a regular potato.

I would die.

Is it?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, it's healthy.

That's true.

I think it's actually higher.

Oh, thank you.

Sweet potatoes.

Sweet potatoes are way better.

Potatoes are healthier.

But I think yams actually have more sugar content than a sweet potato.

I would die.

You know, if people just saw

your stand-up, they might think you're a regular potato.

But once they get to know you, I think they would realize that you kind of are a little bit more of a sweet potato.

What I mean by that is more expensive than not as good.

We'll be right back.

And we're back.

So while we were gone for the break, Jordan pooped her pants.

Now, question: When you poop your pants, do you like to throw your garbage away or do you take the poop out, hold it, carry it home, and then throw it out a window?

You asked me.

Got you.

She poops in her hand and she throws it at people.

Like a baboon.

She pooped in a toilet and she.

I heard when I was faking, like I left the show.

I heard.

You're disgusting, Jordan.

I'm not.

But we love you.

And he busted inside and paid for the plan B, this guy.

No.

No.

No, no.

We just talked.

A lot of guys don't realize how much

when a person, a woman, or anybody's hormones are fucked up

how much it really affects their body.

And some more than others.

It puffs you up.

It fucks you up.

Yeah, but you were going through a hard time.

It was rough.

Yeah.

I bled calamari things for like two weeks.

She also ate a lot of calamari and the stuff she didn't finish, she put back up her cup.

Yeah.

Really?

Italian style.

It's Italiano.

Weimbo Italiano.

Okay, I think we're going to wrap things up.

Do you want to wrap it up by we do a few minutes of just complete sincerity?

Yeah.

Actually, let's drop the act.

Okay.

Jordan, you first.

Who's hot?

Who's hotter?

Who's hotter?

I can't do that

because I'm not attracted to it.

No, no, it's a joke.

It's not sincerity.

Let's do sincerity.

She likes Nazis.

Well, if we're going to be sincere, then let's not put people in positions where they might be uncomfortable.

That's where you said be sincere, and

then I made Jordan uncomfortable.

But yes, let's actually be sincere.

Is he explaining to me jokes?

Well, no.

Yeah, I had to explain it to you.

I had to explain it to you because you pushed back on an obvious.

Okay, let's be sincere.

Sincere.

I'm hungry.

Okay, sincerely.

We said sincere.

I'm going to stop.

I'm looking into my camera that's not even on.

Dude, I'll tell you something.

Have you ever seen her act?

She finishes the joke and she goes, I'm hungry.

That's like your catchphrase.

I'm

a hungry.

Mama hungry.

Is that going to be your first album?

It's not like Mama hungry.

I don't say it like that.

H-O-N-G-R-Y.

Mama hungry.

Like that.

I have some catchphrases.

Do you have some cashews?

Because I'm hungry.

We have some snacks.

I think Mike might have gotten it.

Yeah, but we might have to thaw them out.

Hey, here's some cashews.

Enjoy it.

They're a brick of fucking ice.

Well, I feel like it's been an analogy for this episode.

We've thawed out a lot of iciness.

Okay, sincerity.

You go ahead first.

Jordan told me that she was going to be doing this at six and I was maybe going to come into the city.

She's like, do you want to just come on by?

I said, yeah, because

like I said, I get a lot of comments on my podcast saying, oh, Jordan Freeland, if he were funny, or stuff like that.

Adam Freeland is my friend.

Oh, Adam.

If you look at the mugs, actually, it's my Adam phone on the whatever your name is.

People would be like, I'm like a better version of you.

And I'm like, I kind of want to see who this guy is this isn't sincere i forgot what we were doing yeah ask me again on my own show

ask me again that way no you had your chance jordan next

sincere i was being serious

you did this i have to go to uh austin texas this weekend good

and but uh my boy santino is at the who's at what uhstra yes he's in the mafia that's right there's no such thing he's a ginger Ginger Santino.

Have you ever seen that?

It's a stage name.

Yep.

Or is it?

His real name is.

He's recalculating, you know.

You couldn't just say a name.

Louis is the only ginger

Latino you can be.

So I.

Anyway, I'm going to Austin, and I'm worried he's going to pull on my tickets.

Am I plugging or am I being sincere?

Oh, he's playing the same place.

He's playing the place near.

Well, all the fans that are watching this right now are going to go see George.

But that already came out.

It's coming out today.

This comes out today?

Yeah.

Oh, God bless you.

Austin, Texas, Creek in the Cave.

I'll be sincere.

How do I be sincere?

Okay, you're also bad at it.

Yeah, I'm so bad at it.

I'll be at the Gotham City doing Comedy Juice on Tuesday.

Oh, yeah, you will.

Nice.

Great for you.

Comedy you're going to be.

Check it out.

They're going to love you.

I will be in Washington, D.C.

the 24th to the 24th.

You go to the Holocaust Museum?

Bro, that's where I'm staying.

Yes.

Ice cream sandwiches.

No, but for the mics, it's going to be loud.

Yeah, I won't.

24th and 25th, Washington, D.C.

Nick and I, as part of the New York Comedy Festival, will be at Town Hall in November or something.

Also, next episode of the Adam Friesland Show is going to be a big one.

Is that the one that you made us watch before we came on?

What did you say?

Is that one of the ones you made us watch?

What did you say?

Is that one of the ones you made us watch before the podcast?

What did you just say?

And by the way, you didn't show us a bit.

We watched like 25 minutes.

What did you say?

The episode's going to be a what?

A banger.

That's not what you said.

I'll tell you what you said after you cut.

What did I say?

You said.

I didn't say the N-word.

No, I'll tell you after.

What do you think?

It'll give it away if I tell you what you said.

Well, they already heard it.

No, we're cutting with a guest.

Continue.

We're cutting with a guest.

Where do you say who's guest?

He went, it's gonna be a big one.

A big one.

Okay, that's your clue.

It's gonna be a big one.

It's gonna be massive, okay?

They know immediately.

Thanks for watching.

Guys, really, I appreciate this.

I think this was probably the best episode of any podcast of all time.

I think so, too.

I'm pretty sure.

I think maybe this

is

like a podcast.

I think this is.

You know what I heard the other day?

What do you turn these things off?

Do you know how you turn these off?

You know what I heard the other day?

What do you call three white men in a room?

Podcast.

A podcast.

Wow.

That's insane.

Really good.

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