The Adam Friedland Show Podcast – Episode 12
Listen and follow along
Transcript
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show, the podcast.
Adam Friedland Show podcast.
We are back once again.
I'm with my boy Nicholas.
What's up?
You have a headache?
Yeah, it keeps coming and going.
Really?
Why?
I don't know.
It's like waves.
I'll get waves.
Yeah.
I think you should probably just drink it too much coffee.
Yeah.
For initially, it's not enough coffee, and then it's too much coffee.
Yeah, That's how it goes.
We...
We're feeling good.
We're feeling good.
A lot of Google alerts for you, huh?
I don't know.
I'm actually not.
I mean, I don't know.
It's just like I don't seek out fucking shade on the internet, but like
I guess now Cameron is coming for my ass.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's how you want to play it?
Well, I want to play it by inviting him to the show.
Oh, okay.
But,
you know, he called me a homosexual.
Did he, though?
I saw his comment.
He said I went too far.
That's not calling you a homosexual.
He did a face palm.
That's saying you went too far.
Well, a lot of the comments were pretty disparaging.
Yeah.
Ebro from Hot 97
said I was pause.
Yeah, a lot of people were just like, um
I were pretty disturbed by me saying that Scott Swarzz was smoking a big dick.
Right.
Well, thanks to everyone who came out this weekend in Austin.
I will be in Detroit, Michigan this weekend.
Please come out.
I'm at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle, believe it or not.
That's pretty awesome.
Yeah.
Is it the same guy?
I thought it was Bowser's, personally.
You thought it was Bowser's Comedy Castle, like from Super Mario.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
Anyway, and then also the following weekend, you are in
Turtle has a castle.
No, two weekends.
Two weekends after that, Nixon in Chicago.
And then special taping.
Yeah, April 17th through 20th at the Comedy Works Denver.
Hopefully we can sell that one out.
I think you're going to sell out your special taping.
Yeah, that'll be...
That'll be fun.
Have you been doing any altitude training?
No.
I feel like I'm doing it right now with this fucking headache.
Well we're at sea level right now, but you're going to be shooting your special well what it is is these fucking these a mile high.
The air quality is
it's like it's shit again outside.
And now it doesn't smell like a fucking campfire anymore.
Is it the Canada fires?
It's the Canada fires.
What they just can't stop these craps?
I don't know.
What is it?
This fucking
Trudeau.
It's like how hard could it be to put out a fucking forest fire?
Pretty easy if you It has to be.
They got the helicopters with water.
That seems like that when I see those water helicopters.
It's like,
that's not doing it.
There's no way that's doing it.
That seems pretty pathetic.
Yeah.
It seems like that's like not.
It's like, yeah, we don't.
There's really nothing we can do about this at all.
It's like, it's almost as if there was a tornado.
and they just set up like a big box fan in the opposite direction.
Like, let's just blow the tornado towards.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I think like a giant cork for a volcano.
Like a champagne bottle.
Yeah, yeah, like a bottle of wine.
Yeah.
You open it and
you make it rain
on the hose.
I'm sorry about the headaches.
Yeah, that's all right.
Well, you think I shouldn't have played it like that with camera?
I thought that's what recording.
I was just asking.
No, no i mean it was a fucking it was one of the most awesome things that's ever happened in the world for him to call me gay on the internet yeah that's gotta be an awesome job though being the helicopter firefighter yeah yeah
i mean it must be like very firefighter plus helicopter guy yeah yeah they all have to they have to be trans
well there was that one the ben shapiro guy I feel like there's maybe I've just read stories about that one trans helicopter pilot multiple times, but in my
perception is that about 70% of trans people are helicopter pilots.
I think, I don't think that's inaccurate.
Yeah.
But
that's a guess.
I haven't checked this.
Which makes it funny that conservatives do that I identify as an Apache helicopter thing.
Do they do that?
Yeah, isn't that their joke?
Oh, you can be whatever you want.
Fine.
I identify as an Apache helicopter.
Oh, I thought they do that.
Great.
Identify as an Apache helicopter.
Let's get a trans person inside of you immediately.
Yeah.
Or you follow through with the bit, then.
That's kind of a little bit of a self-owned on their part.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you don't actually identify as a.
If you did, we'd embrace you, but we would need to have a trans person climb into your ass and pilot you.
Yes, exactly.
I thought their big joke was that I identify my pronouns are fuck you or something.
Isn't that what they say?
That and the.
You know what died out is
they all had the
that shit from 300.
This is Sparta?
No, no, no.
It's a Greek expression that means like get or done.
You know what I'm saying?
I never heard that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What were we saying before that?
Oh, yeah, that trans helicopter pilot has to be the most famous helicopter pilot ever because she
was also the pilot during the the Bronco chase during OJ.
Oh, really?
Yeah, she's like,
she's just like...
I mean, there's really only two I can name is her and Arnie Pie in the sky.
Who's that?
Uh-huh.
It's a helicopter news guy from The Simpsons.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's kind of like a forest gump.
She shows up at different,
at Ben Shapiro debates, at OJ Simpson Bronco chases.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
So the other big thing in the news, the Secret Service has concluded their investigation of the cocaine found in the White House.
And what was the conclusion?
With no suspects identified.
Yeah.
Did you see the video of Hunter on the balcony?
I did.
He's barely doing anything.
Yeah, I think it's if you put it in the context of, oh, he's on blow, then you know, it looks like he's on blow, but he's probably doing nothing.
His hair is very wet, but it's been a very hot hot summer so yeah
um that's i think the dream guest for the show the funniest thing was in uh jake sullivan just tried to like casually blame it on the people renovating the situation room which has got to be like those have to be like army engineers right it's not like they have to have the best best in the biz well it's probably i mean maybe i'm completely wrong but i can't imagine it's like they went to home depot and got like five guatemalan guys and they're like hey rebuild the situation no they got norm Abram.
They got the whole squad from this old house.
Yeah.
It's the Property Brothers.
They have the Property Brothers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They got
the best in the biz.
Yeah.
I used to watch that show with my dad every Saturday, Saturday morning.
That was his, that was our go-to, this old house.
No, this old house on PBS.
He loved it.
I just saw the Property Brothers in something.
What was that?
The new Mission Impossible, perhaps?
No, I think an advertisement for Carpool Karaoke.
Are they still doing that?
Carpool karaoke?
Yeah, they spun it off.
It started off as just a thing on...
Who hosted it again?
Fallon?
No,
the pig man.
Oh, I thought he's gone.
Yeah, it's...
Can we send him back to the farm?
I'm getting really nauseous also, but the...
James Cordon.
I think they started Carpool Karaoke as a
fuck
segment on his show.
And then I might have to go through her off.
It's a cool shirt you got.
Yeah.
No, I mean, I literally might have to.
Well, just pause.
What's wrong with you?
I'm fine.
Give me a second.
Just talk about something for a second.
I don't know.
I got the headaches.
I think maybe it's like a migraine or something.
The lights are making it worse.
Take it at.
We have Advil 2.
Is it like the kind that makes you go to sleep?
No,
it's ibuprofen and
acetametametophen.
All right.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Yeah.
Advil 2, the deuce.
Yeah.
This episode is sponsored by...
Ooh, look at that.
I tell you, this is the first time in a while I've done...
Give it up for Adam Ginsburg.
Thank you.
I'll just take this.
I'll take the duel.
I'll take that.
Take two of those.
Yeah, first time I've done two full weekends in a row, back to back.
Having those Thursday shows in there
is...
Yeah, you're here and you're at home for five minutes.
Yeah, right.
It really sucks.
Yesterday it was nice, like being at home.
Like I was like, I got kind of manic in the middle of the day because I was like, oh, Drake's in town for the week.
I was like, we're going to do it.
We've We've had one rapper.
We're going to have Drake now.
And then
I hit up Shane.
I was like,
how can we get him?
And he's like, he's like, you realize, like, I have a podcast too.
Like, I'm not going to get him for your podcast.
Yeah, yeah.
We don't have a podcast.
We have a talk show.
Yeah, we have a talk show.
Yeah.
But yeah,
I was saying to him, I was like, it would be really funny if Drake was just in town all week doing podcasts.
Like he did Legion of Skates.
Like, that's that's how he spent his week in New York doing the New York Comedy Pub.
I'm in the basement with Drake.
Oh my God, Drake, do you like Ghostbusters?
What do you think
about
Oh my God.
He's so funny, man.
They're doing well.
Him and Jordan.
Yeah, they're doing really well, it seems.
Yeah, people love that show people love that show we love them too they're friends they yeah to some extent we were they gave birth to the being are you gonna take credit that's disrespectful no they they could they came on ours and they you know
they're doing their own thing they've been doing comedy longer than you have they're better comedians than you i didn't say that I know I'm saying that.
I didn't say that I was better than them.
I said that Ian was just our pal.
He went on come town.
He became a fan favorite.
But he was always like a you know more established okay ian was the most famous i'm not saying that i'm responsible i'm saying that that that they we had a podcast and these were fan favorites on our podcast and now they have their own podcast it seems like you're you know there's i'm not taking credit sort of a patrician element to your comment no i'm not i'm not taking credit for anything if anything i was on your podcast
Yeah, so you are the you are the the architect the architect mm-hmm Ergo Nothing I've done has been deliberate.
I've learned that by trying to handle all these tax and accounting issues over the last few years.
I know.
That's why you have a headache, dude.
You're looking at all these numbers.
Truly, honestly, looking at spreadsheets does give me a headache.
Spreadsheets and then
wires really fucking...
I cleaned up.
The cat would go behind the TV and piss all over the wires.
And like this entertainment hutch.
And then, like most people, it's just you plug something in and you just fucking jam, you know, the wires back in there.
But
it took like a month of just, you know, piecemeal when I can't.
But I got like
a thinner gauge ethernet cable for everything and measured how, you know, much space I needed.
And then I put like
routed channels and stuff.
zip time, cleaned it all up so it all looks nice and neat.
I put a jack on the wall to send data to the the back of the house and the
access point, so it's everything's like nice and clean.
But even just
20 seconds of getting, like, just holding the wires, my head just starts fucking pounding.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, that must be how that guy feels.
Um,
those bomb squad guys
feel.
You should be on the bomb squad.
I haven't bombed in a long time.
Yeah.
What was your last bomb?
Not like where you're like, that was a bad set, but you did fine.
Like, you mean getting zero?
Yeah.
Certainly not like
headlining.
I mean, definitely over the last year, like, especially a lot of the...
Interestingly enough, I don't think I've like outright fucking...
Like, I don't think I've had like a bad bad set while sober.
Like, a lot of the, the, when I fell off the wagon last year and being on the road every weekend, it's like some of those shows I would just, I mean, I'd be pretty fucking drunk and just do whatever.
And
if I had been sober, I would have been like, that was fucking terrible.
But when you're drunk, you don't fucking care.
Yeah.
But
yeah, I don't probably, I mean, I bombed a lot at the stand when I was getting ready to do this last
tour.
And I'll probably do that again.
I'm going to tape this thing
and
give it to Steven and see what he can do with it and if it looks good put it out and then if that gets any traction then I'll have to
write a new hour
yeah just take which I can't do on the road I have to just I need to go like bomb at the stand and remember how to do stand up for
like people who aren't just podcast fans yeah you know yeah um
and that'll be rough but that's really the only way to do it yeah
it's It's unfortunate.
I feel like you only get like I just get worse at stand-up by doing weekends on the road.
Yeah, I think that if you're just getting laughs because it's your fans, you're probably not, it's probably,
you're at a disadvantage.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like
Yeah, whatever.
I I don't remember the last time I properly bombed.
Actually, that's not true.
Well,
I do remember remember that when I was in DC, my sister moved in with me and my ex-girlfriend.
And I used to just go to, like,
do you remember that
open mic that was like, that was run by Tony Woods and stuff?
It was like by the,
by the, like, was that like Historic Theater?
It was on, like, seventh.
Whatever.
I don't remember a Tony Woods open mic.
He used to have like a room.
Was it?
Yeah, it was like Russ used to run it with him.
To Bak?
Well, there was Tabak.
I used to go to this other
cab was on 14th or is that on you?
That was on 14th.
Or it was on you, sorry.
East of 14th.
But yeah, I used to go to this all-black open mic just to be alone and just Bahama.
Just because my sister and my girlfriend were stressing me out.
And I was like, it was kind of like just...
Yeah, I was doing it to like
to self-emulate or something.
Yeah, it was always funny when we used used to
fucking eat shit white comics would talk about doing black rooms as if it was like
like this like yes, because if you can
if you can figure out how to manipulate the black mind into laughter then you know, you
can have to learn the black mind.
Oh, yeah, right.
They'd talk about it like it was like a completely different skill set.
Yeah.
No, I mean I was just bombing before I even touched the mic.
Yeah.
They would just they would just scream at me, tell me I look like Harry Potter.
You say that a lot.
Basically any time you describe an interaction every time.
An interaction between you and black people.
They say I look like Harry Potter.
You say, ooh, you look like Harry Potter.
Ooh, you look like Harry Potter.
You say that.
Harry Potter is the DC accent.
You say it that
in that cadence, any time you've ever described to me an interaction between you and a black person.
Not any interaction between me and a black person.
I think I am on the on the record as having an interaction with my friend Jadakus.
No, you were like...
And he wasn't telling me I look like Harry Potter.
You're on the record talking to him, but you're not on the record describing.
That's an interaction.
Yes, but what you're not on on the record of is describing that interaction, which is wherein the ooh you look.
Because first of all, I highly doubt any black person has ever said that to you ever.
That is that is like insane.
If anything, it probably happened two times.
And then in my mind, I like
I created some sort of narrative where it happened every time.
But to say that it's never happened, that would just be like I'm a schizophrenic.
Or a liar.
But why would that's not even a good lie?
Because it's something that black people would say.
It's actually you doing that.
It's not even a good lie.
I know.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't really care either way.
And then I had sex with all of them.
Yeah.
No, no.
It was
there was, yeah, I would go to that room and just completely eat shit.
And then, yeah, my act was bad.
I had fun at Tabak,
mainly watching Rolla.
He's the best.
Dude, he was so funny.
He's the best.
There was this fat Hispanic guy one time that he told him he looked like a Teddy Graham.
I still think about that all the time.
Not a Teddy Bear, a Teddy Graham.
Teddy Graham is good.
Yeah,
I remember his joke about
someone bringing a bag of Cheerios to the club.
Yeah, yeah.
Was it Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Yeah.
Yeah, because he's, well, we're just doing his material.
She said, you're too fat for snacks.
No, well, he said, I'm at the club.
And this girl's like, because he's very dark.
She says, you're too dark for the club.
No, she said, you're too black to wear black.
And he said, you're too fat to.
Aren't you too fat to be snacking?
Yeah.
Yeah, right yeah no black for black uh fat for snack yeah right yeah it had like a it's 2 a.m you got a ziplog baggie a cinemato's crunching a pop
really good stuff yeah he's so funny
yeah the best is i've told that story before but another time there was this old this older black guy with like um
you know like uh you know the stores that don't exist anymore that used to be up and down sixth avenue that would sell like like, you know, like pimp clothes, basically.
Like, you know, like colorful suits and stuff.
Yeah, Steve Harvey stores.
Not necessarily.
Yes, in that vein, but, you know, not like big talking heads
style.
Yeah.
But like, you know, just like a nice suit, but a little bit ostentatious.
And it's an older guy, and he's doing the Don Corleone, just the over-the-shoulders thing, but the arms loose.
That's cool.
And so he's walking to the bathroom, and this is probably the guy, this is probably, this guy's been cool his entire life.
Of course.
He's got 70 years of cool, and nobody's ever checked him.
And he's walking back, and he walks past Rollo while he's on stage, and Rollo's like, ooh, my man said he got his jacket on and off.
And the guy was like,
he cooked a guy that's been cool for 80 years.
Yeah, the best, I mean, we said this story on Come Time, but I'll say it again, who cares?
The best was when he was doing like our hipster, my hipster show.
And he's crushing, talking about like going up to a white woman saying, oh, she looked like she has the pink areolas.
And then like.
Yeah,
he was, what that came from, he was talking to a light-skinned woman in the audience.
And he's like, I like them really light-skinned girls.
They have those green palm veins and pink areolas.
Well, whatever.
Whatever he was saying, he was just absolutely murdering.
And then just halfway through the set, I think you were there that night.
He goes, nah, but for real, gay sex is disgusting.
She's like, you just going to get raped to death in a bathroom, getting AIDS and shit.
And just silence.
Silence.
But anyways, yeah.
Yeah, but anyway.
How are you going to have sex in a bathroom?
Yeah.
Just getting raped to death in a bathroom.
That's funny things gay guys do.
Yeah.
I only saw him once or twice in New York.
He was doing funny shit when he moved up here.
He's like, now I got to like know about politics.
And he's like, didn't black people already have enough?
Yeah.
And now I have to fucking learn.
Yeah.
I don't remember the, I wish I could remember exactly the way he did it or said it.
He made like a video he's like
that I think I did with him where he was like,
I'm making a BuzzFeed video.
I was like, I don't know what that is, but I think it was like in the style of BuzzFeed or something.
And I went to his house and it was like questions about dating or something
and
yeah no it was good to hang out with him yeah I don't know where he's at these days maybe he's I think he went back to DC or maybe he's back up here but he's the shit yeah whenever I see him I get excited yeah Rao's awesome he's awesome I also didn't know that that wasn't his name
that that was the name he would order for his real name is Adam Friedland his real name's Adam Friedland got in a comedy and he's like well now I have to change it his real name is Harry Potter yeah
he uh no that was like a joke when he was in at I think he went to Howard when he would order a pizza with that name and then that became a stage name yeah
whatever good man look him up wherever wherever he may be
what else is up so you got to leave tomorrow I leave tomorrow show tomorrow night to Friday to Saturday
yeah just finally I think finally after this
is done, I think the expenses are
like everything's clear as to what our operating budget is.
I got to send this email to SAG AFTRA to get a, see if we can get one of these interim agreements so we can hire people and cast people and stuff for these,
you know, this stuff we want to shoot for the show.
Yeah.
So hopefully that can happen.
And,
you know, and then we'll be above board with the unions.
Yeah,
we don't want to disappear like Jimmy Hoffa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It'd be nice if that just, you know, if the strike goes on long enough that independent productions just all sign the contracts that are necessary.
Because that's the thing is, like, that,
like, if the main sticking point is AI, like, nobody who's making shit independently wants to use AI.
Right?
Like, nobody's...
I guess you could.
I mean, it makes sense if you're like 14 or 15 years old and it gets to the point where you're like, oh, I want my own Star Wars movie where this happens and the fucking computer can just spit out the whole movie for you.
But if you're making stuff, you want to
make it.
You want to make it.
Right, yeah.
So that doesn't really, you know, you don't really have to worry about that, I guess.
If,
yeah, you just saw.
Way more independent stuff coming about as a result of all of this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that would be really cool.
Yeah.
It would also be cool if we were the last television show left.
Yeah.
Forever.
Well, that might happen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, fingers crossed,
you know, Jimmy Kimmel and Fallon and
who are the other ones?
Colbert.
Yeah.
Fingers crossed,
they all get killed by terrorists.
And then...
beheaded perhaps yeah and then we have then you know we just have the adam freedland show it's the only the only game in town yeah it would be good yeah yeah
um
yeah i i i mean it could happen right
yeah i guess i mean i don't know i you know i don't know shit about anything but i feel like if it goes on long enough it's like they're and it comes back and the ratings are dog shit and people realize they don't want to because if this goes on long enough people probably cancel cable right?
And then do like I know network television still exists, but do people actually use those things?
You don't see the antennas for sale in like, you know, like Best Buy.
What do you mean, antennas?
Like, you can still get like regular.
I have one.
You do?
Do you ever use it?
Yeah, for sports.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
If I'm watching, like,
yeah.
I mean, that's the only reason to watch any network.
Yeah.
You know, it's for sports.
Yeah, once it switched switched over to digital, something changed that it just wasn't the same.
Something about like having to fiddle with.
The bunny ears was nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We used to have it.
Yeah, I know.
I used to have tinfoil.
Yeah.
Like extended tinfoil.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm getting TV from the movie.
Right, do this to watch The Simpsons.
Fucking hold a thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was nice fiddling with those bunny ears,
yelling at your sibling for messing it up.
That's one thing zoomers don't know anything about.
They're not going going to know and i'm not saying it in a way where it's like oh you couldn't you could never
but it is interesting i i bet a lot of them think it was crazy that you just have to manipulate
well you have to do that with the digital antenna too yeah yeah
dana was telling me that she had uh her like dad's tv
there was like a wire that you had to like put your thumb over the end of
to like reduce like noise or something yeah and they would have to take turns holding the wire
which is like that's poverty is so funny well that's like that's that's beyond poverty that's like fucking like gypsy the 20s yeah it's like the Great Depression
Yeah, we're all huddled around like an 11-inch television away.
Because you don't think, I mean, you just watch it sort of pass by and technology is like iterative, you know?
So it's never like, holy shit, I guess.
But yeah, you go back 25 years and think about what technology was, and it's like, yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah, it's really cool that they've changed a lot.
Yeah.
You can watch any movie of all time ever
and listen to any song of all time ever.
Yeah.
Well, actually, you can't now.
Well, you can, but I feel like when I was torrenting stuff,
I think I switched.
Ah, fuck.
I switched over to just paying for streaming services and renting when
we started making money and I found out you could write all that shit off.
Yeah.
But often there's stuff I want to watch that's just not fucking available.
And I don't have
any, I mean, I could torrent something on like a laptop and then plug that into the TV, but it seems like such a fucking pain in the ass, especially since I just cleaned all the wires up.
Yeah.
And now you have another wire out, yeah, and you're living in fucking hell again.
Yeah,
you're basically a fucking cobble.
That movie, uh, The Others, the Nicole Kidman movie, I don't remember that.
You don't?
No, it's pretty good.
It's about a
widow,
or you don't know, maybe you don't know if she's a widow or not.
She's waiting for her husband to come back from like World War One.
She's living in this big, like, um, it's like um
big like estate,
this big old old creepy house waiting for her husband to come home and she's got two kids and then like weird shits there's like ghosts in the house and stuff yeah and uh
so they do like a a seance or whatever and then they can like see the ghosts and the ghosts are like scaring the kids and stuff and then you find out at the end they're the ghosts they're scaring the kids that she no she's her
and the children are the ghosts oh it's a little bit of a shameland
Yeah.
A little bit of a sixth sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I watched the new Ari Astra movie when I was in the airport when I got delayed all day.
Bad ombre?
Something like that, yeah.
Bo is afraid.
Bo is afraid.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, um, yeah, it's more of, it's a comedy, but it's like very, you know,
like,
what do you call it?
Who's in it?
Is it that Narcos guy?
It's Joaquin.
Joaquin.
Yeah, he looks like the Narcos guy.
Yeah.
People love that guy.
He's the Mandalorian.
Oh, he is a Mandalorian.
Yeah, people love that guy.
Now, what is the matter?
Women think he's incredibly handsome.
What is the Mandalorian again?
It's something like...
Is it an instrument?
Is it a musical instrument?
No, it's like a Buba Fett.
What do you mean?
I think he's like a Boba Fett.
What do you mean a Boba Fett?
Boba Fett was like he wears that thing and he kills people.
So it's a guy wearing the same kind of armor.
Yeah, he's like a different Boba Fett.
Yeah.
Who is Boba Fett?
A bounty hunter?
He's a bounty hunter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then you find out in the prequels that he's Maori.
Yeah, he's he's the bad kid from
Yeah, he's a...
I almost said Sweet Valley High.
Puck You Miss.
Yeah.
He's that guy.
Fuck you miss.
That show is so funny.
It's great.
Chris, you should do that.
Just make the just copy the show and do that.
No, you should just do a Chris Lilly where you play every character.
Yeah.
Yeah, you could do that so well.
Picard, Wharf, Theta.
Theta.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But they're Australian.
But they're Australian, and then you have the people from different ships.
So you have like, you could, I feel like Australia.
Australia is going to be the last country in space.
To get there?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
You think like.
Tanzania will reach space before Australia.
You think why?
I don't think they're going to do dumb shit.
They're going to be.
What do they get money from there?
Australia?
Yeah, what's their economy?
I don't know.
Animals?
You know what's funny when as a kid, you see Australia on a map and you think it's like, oh, it's like America, but.
It's so big.
It's so big.
Yeah, it's got to be like America, but 95% of the country is unlivable.
There's three cities?
Yeah.
It's just fucking...
It sucks.
It's just this giant waste.
You can't drive drive from one city to another.
You can, yeah.
To drive from any city to another city is 24 hours.
Yeah.
They look on the map like they're close and they're like, no, it's impossible.
Yeah.
They don't even have arrived.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're going to be in space last.
Yeah.
Or never.
Never, I don't think.
They probably have resources in that whole shit that people don't live in.
Yeah.
Well, they have all these weird animals.
That's the other thing.
They have metal.
They got enough aliens there that they would never need to go to space.
Yeah, it's true.
I watched Fury Road again somewhat recently.
So good.
It's fucking perfect.
It's so good.
It's such a good movie.
He's making another one.
Yeah.
Oh, is he?
Yeah.
I watched his other movie on a plane.
I had to turn it off.
Which one?
He made one after Fury Road.
What's the movie?
I was like, I can't deal with this right now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why not?
I just wasn't connected with it.
I think it was like...
uh
I don't even remember it.
It wasn't mad enough for you.
Mad?
It wasn't mad mad enough.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It wasn't fucking.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, wasn't pissed enough.
No, it was like with Tilda Sweden or something.
And there was something about time or some shit.
And I was like,
Yeah, I just want to see a car go fast.
And some like fucking gay bondage guys do some shit.
Yeah.
You know?
That's cool.
Yeah.
Time.
Time isn't cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What else is in the news?
It's really just this strike.
I just I I go to deadline every day and I check for updates.
Yeah.
And then and then really all I do is I go to the comments to get us the the deadline's comment section is.
Who's commenting?
Like out of work screenwriters?
No, it's a lot of people that are just like uh anti-strike, but they all read like they're 85 years old.
You think that they're just like studio, like they're...
That's what the accusations seem to be, but it's like, would the studios do that?
I mean, maybe they would.
Yeah, they're pathetic.
Yeah, hire somebody to go in the deadline comment section and be like, yeah, this is selfish, what the writers do.
Yeah.
They're waging war.
Yeah.
The war of hearts and minds.
Yeah, I just go to deadline and I watch people fight about it because that's really the only place you get to see people arguing about this thing.
And people are fighting about it.
I haven't, I
maybe I'm not really looking into it, but I haven't seen anyone that's anti-strike.
Yeah, you got to go to the deadline comments.
You got to go to deadline comments.
I saw a video of Danny Trejo at a picket line.
It was pretty funny.
He's like, there's a lot of people affected by this, like, even people's gardeners.
Yeah, yeah.
And
I think he's right.
Yeah.
He's like, he was getting interviewed by a news woman, and in a movie, he looks like
big and scary and he was like shorter than the news lady yeah they are all kind of tiny that's kind of racist
not mexicans actors oh
actors like
edward james almost
you know gary oldman gary oldman is five foot one no he's not yeah
he is isn't that crazy he looks normal no yeah five one in the movies he looks normal No, yeah.
He's
not literally this tall.
Danny DeVito looks...
Oh, sorry, Gary fucking Coleman.
Oh, Gary Coleman.
They do have the same name.
Yeah.
No one really points that out until I just know.
Yeah, I fuck it up every time.
You do?
You do.
Yeah.
You remember he was like down on his luck and he was working as a security guard and people were like taking pictures of him at like a parking lot.
I felt bad for him.
Yeah, the entertainment industry is brutal.
It's a very cruel world.
Right.
Yeah.
They're like, oh, look at this little.
People love it.
People love stories like that.
Yeah, they love seeing someone destroyed.
They love seeing somebody fucking destroyed.
And he didn't even do anything wrong.
No, I know.
Yeah, he didn't rape anyone.
He was just little.
Yeah, he was just tiny, and people are like, fuck that fucking tiny guy.
Now he has to be a fucking work at a parking lot.
Yeah, right.
Poor guy.
Yeah.
Well, there's a perception that it's like, oh, well, he probably overextended himself and fucked up his money, and it's his fault.
What money?
Yeah, I know.
What you have in your head, it's like, oh, if I know who somebody is, they must have made
$500 million.
And it's their fault for not like of me, if I was on one season of The Real World, I would have taken the $100 million and invested all of it.
Yeah.
I would have bought crypto at the bottom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But what happens is, is you make
probably like
$80,000 for three months.
$80,000.
And then you don't work for five years.
For three months, you get a financial advisor or money manager.
They charge you fees to lose your money in the stock market.
And then they don't tell you that you owe a bunch of money to the government.
Yeah, and they get paid no matter what.
Yeah, so then you live in debt to
that's how it goes.
And on top of that, you get violently raped by producers.
And he had it bad, though.
He was like, I'm an adult, actually.
And they're like, no, you're not.
That used to be a thing in sitcoms where they found a, you know, whatever that degenerative or that
congenital birth defects is that he has.
Gary Oldman's disease.
Gary Oldman's disease.
Yeah.
They should call him Gary Youngman.
That's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Man's a chameleon.
Yeah.
They should call Gary Coleman Gary Youngman, because he looks like a young man.
Oh, I'm fucking retarded.
I'm actually like.
Yeah, me too.
I get dumb.
I'm actually fucking dumb.
I get dumber and dumber every year.
Yeah.
It's pretty fucking bad now.
I'm fucking dumb.
Dude, I went somewhere.
I forget where I was.
I think it was at like Best Buy
or
not Best Buy.
I forget where I was, but they're like, can you put your phone number in?
For the.
You didn't remember?
I could not remember my phone number.
I forget what what my birthday is.
It's like,
yeah.
Yeah, that's basic.
That's birthday of phone number.
That's like
you teach a baby that.
Somebody asked me what age I am now, and I'm like, ah.
I forgot the other day.
Oh, fuck.
And then you realize that I forgot the other day.
You don't even remember how old you are?
Yeah.
You had to do, like, subtract the years.
You're like, yeah, I'm like 26.
No.
No, I'm definitely not.
I'm much older than that.
I suck.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that's like the weird thing about aging is you just deteriorate.
Yeah.
You know?
It's really sad.
Yeah.
It's really sad.
And you have nothing to look forward to because we don't have any like respect for the elderly anymore.
No.
And you lose self-awareness.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the thing.
And then even if you're, even if you're famous, you get tricked into, like, deadline will go to go to an 89-year-old actor's house and be like what do you think about black women
you know
you know I mean I think the colored should get what you know they're asking for was it what is that they want to be let on the bus yeah but I don't know about all this other stuff and it's just because you're you've got like just two cells like
yeah just transferring a fucking electron and all you remember is the Great Depression yeah right yeah and
and then they're like oh racist comments by dinosaur actor,
and then your niece is like, Grandpa, what did you say?
Yeah,
I don't know.
No one in your family talks to you.
I miss die alone.
I miss Gary.
I just miss Gary Cole.
I'm Coleman, tiny man.
I miss my tiny man.
He looked like a boy, but he was an adult.
I miss my tiny ombre.
Yeah.
I guess Hezbollah is a Gary Coleman, no?
What?
Hezbollah?
you know, oh, that's like he's like Dagestani or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's got the same thing, but he's got it worse.
He's like two foot one.
And he has got like the high-pitched voice.
God bless them.
Vern Schroer died, too.
He did.
Yeah.
Today?
Sometimes I see, what do they call it?
What do they prefer to be called?
Little people or dwarves?
Little people.
It's not midget is the one that's a slur.
Yeah, them going with little people seems like you don't have to do that to yourself.
Yeah.
Have some self-respect, man.
Sometimes I see them, and it's just wild to me that that still works.
You know what I mean?
Well, that your body can be that small, and your organs are probably that small too, and then you're like living.
Yeah.
But I guess a kid is that size.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're dope.
Yeah.
We're so dope.
No, it's just shocking to me.
Yeah.
You would think that that would like kill somebody.
Because the body's so fragile anyways.
You can live with all of your organs this big, but not a tumor this fucking big that's in your liver.
Right.
You know what I mean?
That could kill everything.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So true.
And your balls.
Mm-hmm.
And then it's like the head.
That's just right there, man.
The head is normal size, too.
That's how they survive, though.
They have the normal size head.
Yeah.
And cock.
Yeah.
They got big ones.
Do they?
I don't know.
Yeah, there should be a disease where I think I have.
Vern Troyer had a sex tape.
I think I have the disease where you just have, you just have like every proportion is shrunk down.
Like, I often feel like I'm built like Shrek's dad or Brack's dad from the Brack show.
I don't know that show.
The dad character was like, they just used some Marvel,
like side character or something.
He's like a Hispanic guy, but they make his proportions so he's just like slightly tinier than he should be.
Oh.
Here, I'll show you.
I thought the Brack show was what they called the Wayans Brothers in China.
Very good.
Thanks.
Yeah, here he is.
Here's his dad.
Sitting at the
I've always thought I remember watching that show.
I was like, oh, that's me.
Wait, is that like Adult Swim or something?
Yeah, I was on Adult Swim.
That was probably...
I know that thing.
That was like the best show on Adult Swim.
Space Ghost was good.
Yeah.
Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, that was pretty good.
Yeah, Brack's show was definitely my favorite, though.
Is that what they called?
Yeah, look at him reading the newspaper.
anyways anyways yeah i feel super super dumb i was up really late last night cleaning my apartment for my dad he's staying with me yeah yeah
in bed i thought you were getting him a hotel uh probably next week i will but tonight he's getting it at midnight
it's a late flight for an old man
yeah well it's he's coming for it's like how's your dad doing We'll see.
He seems happy.
He's really nice now.
Yeah.
He's like a really sweet, really sweet guy.
Well, he has an outlet.
What's that?
Well, you're setting him up with this company thing.
Well, I don't know what's going on with that right now.
But no, he's just sweet.
Yeah, but he has an outlet.
I mean, for years he was doing, you know, he didn't really have anything going on.
He had a
business with my mom.
Well, that's what I mean.
Yeah.
He didn't have anything.
So he had something.
After she passed away.
Now he has a lot of money.
So we're very proud of him.
It's crazy, too, because at that, your dad's what, 71?
He's turning 72 next week.
Yeah, you still, like, even at that age, you still need something.
Yeah, I mean, you have to have a reason to live.
Yeah.
Even if it's dumb, though.
That's what I mean.
It's like...
Even if it's like...
Yeah.
Oh, I want to get into speed cubing.
Right.
85 years old.
Or miniatures or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What does your dad do for a hobby?
For a hobby?
Well, I mean, you know his project that he's working on, which I'm not going to...
That's private.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, I mean, but I mean, I talked to him about that, and he's genuinely...
That's been the last like seven years.
But that's good for him.
Yeah, no, he's like excited.
That's good for him.
He considers that to be a creative outlet.
Yeah.
It is very funny.
Yeah, we're going to get laughed at by our sons.
Yeah.
They're going to be like,
those fucking losers.
That's all right.
That's better than fucking dying alone.
Dying alone.
We also don't have sons.
So that's still on the table.
We'll have sons.
We could still die alone.
We'll have sons.
They'll be in the NBA.
They'll be on the same team in the NBA together.
They'll be best friends.
But the NBA has been renamed No Blacks Allowed.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The post-Trump NBA.
Yeah, yeah.
What's going on with that?
They're trying to get him, like,
in court in, like, December.
Yeah.
That can't happen, right?
They really think they're going to get his ass this time.
My dad's really, he's like, finally.
Yeah.
We're going to, he's got, this is it.
And I guess I am kind of like
just operating under the assumption of any time they've said this, it has not been it.
But maybe,
I don't know.
There's more that it's not just, I thought it was just Stormy Daniels.
That's what I thought it was.
No, it's the classified documents thing.
But isn't that what Biden did also?
I think it has more to do with like
that it was he
like was being a dickhead about it, about giving the
files back.
But the real comparison, from my understanding, is what, like, Hillary Clinton did was the worst.
Yeah.
You know, and she didn't face any consequences for it other than not becoming president.
Which that's the grand irony of the whole thing is that had Hillary Clinton not stolen classified documents and
hid them and then delete emails with classified information in it and then that coming up through the Anthony Wiener laptop thing Donald Trump wouldn't have been president Donald Trump Trump wouldn't have had the opportunity to steal classified information.
So it's her fault.
It's literally her fault.
Yeah.
One second.
If it weren't for Hillary Clinton, those files do not end up in Mar-a-Lago.
Yeah.
And maybe were she to become president,
she would have been investigated by Congress because she would have gotten wiped out in the midterms, two years in.
And then they would have opened the email investigation back up.
And she would be in Guantanamo Bay.
I don't think, yeah, she'll never face any kind of consequences
for no matter what she does.
No, yeah, yeah.
But she won't ever be president.
We'll see, dude.
I'm still holding out.
She should run against Biden.
How funny it would be if Hillary was like, I'm going to run against Biden, splits the vote, and then Trump wins.
And it's her fault again.
That would
be awesome.
It would be awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I saw
in early polling that
rfk jr in a democratic primary is polling ahead of kamala harris the sitting vice president his numbers are crazy he's like eight percent what's that he's at like eight percent he's at like 20
amongst the democratic democrats yeah
It might have been dinged by his like, you know.
The Jew thing?
Yeah, the Jew thing.
But the farting thing at that dinner, too.
Did you read that?
No.
Apparently, two like 85-year-old men got into a shouting match at that dinner about like COVID or something.
And one of them was like, you're being like a fucking idiot.
And the other guy just
let out a prolonged fart.
He's like, that's what I think about that.
Two like senior citizens.
He's the most awesome guy of all time.
Yeah, some old man, yeah.
And then RFK was like, oh, Jews invented COVID.
Invented it to
team up with the Chinese to kill the blacks.
He talks like fucking Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle.
I know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was thinking um
about that show Oz, but I was like, yeah, there's basically two black wheelchair characters and it's on Oz and Stevie and Malcolm in the Middle.
No, there's more than that.
There's the uh the guy on Viper that invented the car.
That's your T V.
Okay.
There's also the the
well, I guess the BK Kids Club has a kid in a wheelchair and a black guy.
But collectively.
Yeah.
In my mind, the BK Kids Club black guy was
Geordie.
Was the dad in Terminator in a wheelchair?
I don't remember.
The dad that invented Skynet in T2?
The black dad?
I don't remember.
Or is that the same actor that plays the wheelchair guy in Viper?
I don't know.
No?
Okay.
I don't remember.
There's got to be more.
There's definitely more.
I was trying to think of
black wheelchair characters in popular media, and I could only think of Stevie and
Denzel Washington and the bone collector.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Oh,
Mr.
Glass?
Was he in a wheelchair?
Mr.
Glass.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's probably the most recognizable.
Yes.
Mr.
Glass.
Yeah.
No, there's a lot of black wheelchair characters.
I guess they are.
Technically, Axel from Twisted Metal.
I think that kind of counts.
Is he black?
I guess.
He's a black guy, and then his arms are wheels.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's kind of a terrible fate to suffer.
Yeah.
Being a car guy.
What other black guys are in wheelchairs?
I know there's more.
There is, yes.
There's definitely more.
I think there's more.
Maybe a little bit of homework for a little self-I'm picking my nose.
You can't put it on.
Thank you.
I got a new band for my Apple Watch.
How does it feel?
It feels nice.
I like the color, too.
The old one,
it snapped on me.
What did you do?
You got too pissed?
No, it's just I like the one where you don't, there's no like
latch.
You just kind of put it over like a live strong bracelet.
I prefer these.
They're like more comfortable.
And then the fabric ones, they start to stink.
But
yeah,
I couldn't ride the indoor bike for two or three days.
Because you didn't have your watch.
Right, I didn't have the watch, yeah.
You had to just tie a string to it.
Yeah.
I gotta get
to exercise more consistently.
Feeling like fucking dog shit all the time.
Yeah, I'm I'm really fucking...
I think I really fuck between COVID twice, a year of too much cocaine,
and then a year of
veganism, I think I aged a decade.
You look nice.
No, I mean, like my
cardiovascular system.
Really?
Yeah, I just get winded way too easily.
And I was feeling better when I was going to the gym and using the sauna.
That definitely helped.
I feel like we're in a fucking sauna right now on this film.
I don't know why I'm wearing fucking flannels.
Yeah, Yeah, I just, I don't have, I need more time.
Yeah.
I need fucking time.
Yeah, going on the road sucks.
Well, it's not the road.
I mean, I wake up at seven,
and then I guess there's a little bit of time there, but I brush my teeth and get a coffee, and then it's time to take the train in here.
And then, you know, this is all, there's always other shit that you know, you can't just
do the podcast or focus on it.
It's emails, and calls, and meetings, and
you
Spawn.
He's not in a wheelchair.
Yes, he is.
No, he's not.
Yes, he is.
He's lost use of his legs when he puts that suit on.
No, he goes to hell.
Wait, so who's the guy who's like a black superhero guy?
Maybe War Lord from Iron Man.
No.
War Lord.
I thought it was Spawn.
It was like a TV show in Fox.
No, Spawn is,
he's,
he gets
the devil or something.
You know what really made me sad?
Um, I never read comic books, but I did read Spawn.
And, uh,
when, as an adult, I was like, you know, everybody was in the, doing the comic book thing.
I was like, was Spawn good?
Yeah, you read it back.
You were like, this is.
Yeah, no.
Yeah.
He really is.
All this shit is just for children.
It's bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But no, he's like an assassin that gets double-crossed by his boss and is killed during a mission.
And he goes to hell and he misses his wife, so he makes a deal with Satan.
And Satan says,
if you become like a general in my army of
demon soldiers, I'll send you back to earth.
So he sends him back to earth and then he gets the spawn suit.
The viola, the fat clown, the violator.
He's like one of Satan's
minions, maybe.
He's like a demon that is there to like, he's not really a guide, but like basically like, you know, Spawn's a slave.
So he's like, okay, here's what your powers are.
If you use them, you know, you like run out of energy, and if you run out of enough, you go back to hell.
So
then he meets.
a guy who I think like used to also be like a demon or something, but then he became, he like purified his soul and now he's like an angel in God's army, and then he like kind of is trying to help spawn
out in some way.
I don't know, fucking, I don't really remember.
But he definitely wasn't handicapped.
I know that.
Yeah.
What might be good is that HBO series, the spawn HBO series.
Which follows the comics pretty closely.
But I watched, I've only ever, multiple times, watched the first 10 minutes of the first episode.
Yeah.
And couldn't get into it.
Let me see.
Mantis.
It was on Fox.
Do you remember the show?
Mantitz?
Mantitz.
No, Mantis.
Oh, like a prank mantis.
Yeah.
But it was an acronym.
Yes.
It was a Sam Raimi show on Fox.
For some reason, I remember it.
It was on for one year.
22 episodes.
Yeah.
I was really into Fox in that era
yeah
wealthy outspoken scientist Dr.
Miles Hawkins is shot in the spine by a police sniper during a riot and Mantis stands for miles comma a beep
that is chaired mechanically augmented neurotransmitter inter interception system
so yeah he's a guy in a wheelchair and then he puts on a suit and then he can fight crime you don't like that I liked it.
I feel like I can't.
Say it again.
Miles, a beep.
That's in chair.
Oh, that's man tick.
Yeah.
That's
in
sitting.
That is sitting.
It is sitting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You got it.
Miles a beep that is sitting.
I think you got that one.
Gins, how are we?
58.
So let's, any closing thoughts?
Closing thoughts, please come out to Detroit and then also Denver next month.
And I will be at the Chicago Improv with
next, not next weekend, but the weekend after next.
I haven't been to Chicago for a while, so that'll be fun.
Chicago is great to do comedy.
Great concern.
And then, yeah, as of next week, we should have a new podcast host.
And
like we can start filling up the calendar with ads again if you like the Adam Friedland show I know a lot of people don't like the Adam Friedland show podcast I love it it's
but
you know
and it's it's hard to frame this in a way in such a way that doesn't sound like a complaint because for years if you podcast you know people will say like oh what's the big deal you have to have a conversation for an hour twice a week this is what a conversation for an hour looks like yeah it's it's it's pretty mundane, meandering.
Not interesting.
This is what just an hour of conversation
a week looks like.
Dad and Friedland show, we've both,
whatever,
I don't want to qualify it.
However, we have, this has been a goal to get to a place where we can do a talk show or, you know, like really
work unfettered by like material concerns.
But the show does require your support.
So if you like the show, please subscribe on YouTube.
Like and subscribe.
Maybe click the ads.
Maybe they appeal to you.
I don't know if you're going to be able to do it.
Maybe buy every ad.
Yeah, buy everything.
And then check out patreon.com/slash T-A-F-S.
If you do happen to like the Adam Friedland Show podcast, there is an additional one of these conversations once a week that is posted there.
This week one, too.
The video.
And then also, if you subscribe at the associate producer or producer level Which corresponds to $15 or $25 a month
It is a lot of money, but the show, you know, we do need your support you get your name real pretty in the credits
and Hopefully down the line there'll be like additional stuff we can offer, but but this is an independent production and it requires
It requires support from viewers like you.
Yeah.
I mean, I think that we're going to always...
We're really happy about the show.
We're really happy about the talk show.
Yeah, you don't have to be happy for us, but we have three interviews in the can, and we're wrapping up all three of those episodes.
And hopefully, we'll get them out to you as soon as possible.
But thanks for watching, guys.
Thanks, guys.
We'll catch you next time.
Bye.
It's fucking hot in here, dude.
I don't know why.
My back is just wet.
Are you all right?
Your head?
Yeah, I'm really dizzy.
