The Adam Friedland Show Retro Style Podcast – Episode 1 – The Grand Première

In the heat of battle, your squad relies on you.

Don't let them down.

Unlock elite gaming tech at lenovo.com.

Dominate every match with next-level speed, seamless streaming, and performance that won't quit.

And push your gameplay beyond limits with Intel Core Ultra processors.

That's the power of Lenovo with Intel Inside.

Maximize your edge by shopping at Lenovo.com during their back-to-school sale.

That's lenovo.com.

Lenovo, Lenovo.

At Larson, we've perfected storm doors, like the Larsen 60 Maximum View with Surelatch.

It's a guardian, keeping your little escape artists securely inside.

The Defender, protecting against what you don't want with the most secure, first-ever magnetic latching technology.

When you hear, you know your 60 Maximum View is secure with Surelatch.

Larson, it's not just a storm door.

Find us in aisle or learn more at larsondoors.com/slash Shurelatch.

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show, the podcast.

It is April 20th.

Nicholas, we're high on weed right now.

How do you feel?

April 20th, 420 day.

It's 420 day.

We're testing out whether or not weed makes lovemaking feel better.

What are your conclusions so far?

What do you mean?

Well, we got a couple girls to come by.

Yeah, we wanted to see if the climax was more extraordinary on marijuana.

Is this a pre-planned bit?

No, I'm kind of just going with it right now.

Kinda going with it.

Okay.

So how you doing?

We have a lot in the news.

Elon Musk's recent rocket has exploded.

We can get to that, I guess.

Yeah, okay.

What else do we have, Nick?

Well, it's April.

Everybody's paid their taxes.

Yes.

I personally just got fucked in my ass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Really?

Not understanding a couple of things.

And

everybody's concerned with business.

Yeah.

And banks right now.

The banks are teetering.

We're on the verge of 2008.

We're on the verge of 1929, a lot of people are struggling.

You could say almost every business is struggling.

Yeah.

Right now.

Pretty much every business.

Right.

Yeah.

A lot of businesses are have failed to deliver content.

Yes.

Or should we address that?

Can you think of any?

I think us.

The Adam Friedland Show.

Okay, so.

Folks, this is a very special episode of the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

Usually Adam interviews guests, but today Adam is going to be interviewed.

And sort of a BBC style

hard-hitting,

you know, we're going to really get into it and figure out just what the hell is going on at the Adam Friedland Show.

Correct.

Yeah, a couple of announcements I think we should be making.

Let's give people a backstory.

Okay, backstory.

Just because people want to know.

You can interrupt me if I'm wrong.

Go ahead.

All right.

Let's see.

This should be good.

Okay.

Yeah.

You were on a podcast for 17 years?

I believe six or seven years.

Six or seven years called Come Town.

Come Town saw.

What is the write,

what are you write it?

I'm taking notes.

I'm taking notes.

This interview has been produced.

This is how you normally when you're interviews.

It's produced.

Okay.

Instead of a stack of cards with emojis on them, if you have just one legal pad with specific questions, you can sort of plot out a map

of what you want to discuss.

So you have a strategy, like a rules.

I have a strategy, really.

Oh, I see that, yeah.

So, yeah, you were on a podcast, Come Town, for six years.

Yeah, integral part.

And this was sort of the culmination of a long time you spent

just absorbing the culture in preparation.

I did it for the culture, a lot of people say.

To create the podcast.

And the podcast was successful.

Quite successful, yeah.

And in early 2021, you decided to fire probably the most

prominent or successful member of the show and rebrand it as just your show.

You'd had enough of sharing the pot.

It was a difficult decision that I made, but we focused was in any way okay that influenced by Elon Musk's decision to buy Twitter

I think through osmosis perhaps but I don't think it was a direct result of that

you know I don't think I was copying how soon after you were vaccinated did you decide to turn the the show come town the podcast with zero overhead into the Adam Friedland show

a full television production with with probably a hundred thousand dollars a month in overhead um

it was a matter of months i i don't think it was immediate but i i think the vaccine had to work its way into my system yeah yeah you think it left the site of injection and went to your brain um it went around my body into my feet into my penis

my brain definitely it's part of my body there was a japanese study that said that the vaccine goes into people's genitals did you see that no i didn't yeah i figured only the japanese would well they were injecting it into people's genitals no it went from their arm to their genitals just directly in there Yeah.

Kind of like a blue chew.

Well, I would assume, yeah, they don't fuck, so they're going around just horny all the time.

Well, if you need a good vein, you know, you might have the penis vein.

Right, well, it's all backed up down there.

There's a lot of pressure, so everything just gets sent right to the genitals in those folks.

Okay.

You're actually, speaking of, you're now banned from the country of Japan after a controversial case.

I wouldn't say that.

There's an appeals process going on, and I can't talk about an ongoing legal concern.

You're in discussions with the embassy.

Yeah,

the United States government is actually advocating on my behalf they're stepping in

to keep you in Japan um

to send me to Japan to send you and uh have them throw away the key so to speak so uh uh uh

would you say that the Adam Freeland show is failing

um

define failing

well I guess just purely from an economic standpoint, would you say that more money is going out the door than coming in?

I think it's it depends on how you look at the spreadsheets.

Um have you looked at the spreadsheets?

It has been sometimes since I've looked, yeah.

Um then I guess kind of one of those like if your report card is bad, if you don't look at it, you didn't get the grade.

Okay.

I guess more from a from a uh an artistic perspective then.

Would you say that your creative vision has been sullied or thrown off course?

No.

No?

What do you foresee happening?

What do you mean?

With the the show.

Well, I think we just made that decision.

What was the decision?

Dave.

What about Dave?

No, he just, his phone's ringing now.

Okay.

It's disrespectful.

I mean, we're like talking to our audience.

We're giving a state of the program.

What's going to happen?

We're going to keep doing this damn show.

And then we're going to...

Because...

I think the folks that are good enough to pay for the purpose of,

you know, we look at chatter, we look at information from focus groups, and it seems that people want the podcast back.

No,

I don't think that's what it is.

I think it's about churning out consistent content.

In the form of a podcast.

I don't think that's.

And the twice-a-week podcast format.

The twice-a-week podcast format will return.

The twice-a-week podcast format will return.

We've experienced some frustrations with editing.

We have two interviews that are in the can, one that should be coming out tonight.

But with that inconsistency, I think we've realized that we have to provide consistent content to the people that pay for the consistent content.

So we will be returning to a free and a premium model with the actual Adam Friedland show released

as it is ready.

This week's episode

is about 10 days late right now through some series of fucking,

I don't know, some comedy of errors, let's say.

And what are some of those what are some of those errors?

I mean, in what way are they comedic?

Not very funny, let's just say.

Okay.

But it's a thing that smart people say, comedy of errors.

What does that mean?

Was it a Shakespeare kind of thing?

I have no idea.

In fact, I never understood why they they just decided some of the Shakespeare plays are comedies.

And they're like, oh, this one's sad and this one's funny.

Well, I think if everyone ends up dead at the end, it's a sad one.

Mm-hmm.

Unless you're one of those guys that's into like dead baby jokes, kind of like a you kind of guy.

Me?

Yeah.

Kind of like someone with like a Eric Cartman style, like dark sense of humor.

Yeah.

Okay.

So then let's just clarify what that means for the audience because

Inquiring Minds would like to know what will be the

new form of the Adam Friedland show.

The new form of the Adam Friedland show.

This will be called Adam Friedland Show Retro Podcast because it's a throwback to the comeback.

Get another

rebrand.

Okay, here's the new show.

There's no new show.

Okay, we will just be adding an additional podcast every week so that we can stop freaking out when a actual talk show is in production and late.

And

yes, so basically you will continue to get

the talk show.

There are two episodes that are coming out right now.

Two huge guests that you guys are actually going to really love.

And then then

in addition to that, if you are a paying subscriber, if you are a paying subscriber.

If you're not a paying subscriber, if you're anybody and you have a YouTube account, let's go to, if you don't mind, going to the Adam Friedland Show official YouTube channel, which is just Adam Friedland Show.

It's not whoever this Indonesian guy is.

Everybody keeps telling me.

He seems like a great guy.

He seems, well, at the very least, he knows kickboxing.

So I'm

Muay Thai.

I would imagine they all do.

Like an Ongbak.

Yeah, either that or the big thing over there is, I guess, is going into the jungle and building a house in two days at a

model magic.

And tucking.

They like to talk

there.

There will be,

so the plan is

to do the regular podcast, this,

which will come out on Wednesdays.

Yes.

And the video and the audio will both be free.

The audio you can get on the old RSS feed.

That'll still be there.

Correct.

The video will be public on YouTube.

Correct.

Then every weekend, the same thing, but paywalled on Patreon.

Correct.

So it goes back to the old format, and then there's also, it's no more divvying up the video and the audio.

Correct.

And then there will also just be the Adam Friedland Show.

Yes.

Which is not part of the Adam Friedland retro podcast project.

Sure.

So basically, all we're saying is you will be getting more content if you're paying for that content.

And this time, we promise.

It's just very frustrating when we divvy it up to say, oh, the talk show will be behind a paywall.

And when we have complications in our production model in trying to start a television show off the couch ourselves,

we won't.

It was fine.

It was fine when the pinnacle of the actual talk show guest was,

let's say,

Caleb Pitts.

We have a...

After you hit Ernie Hudson, the next week week you can't have...

Our next two guests are, I can tell you right now, in 2023, much bigger celebrities than Ernie Hudson.

No offense to Ernie.

Wow.

Friend of the show.

Wow.

I can assure you guys of that.

They're probably in 2023 our two biggest celebrity guests.

So get ready for that.

And that will be on Patreon.

But we will be returning to a premium model starting next Monday.

At the very least, please subscribe to the Adam Friedland show just so people

know that we have a YouTube channel

content is reposted by, again, an Indonesian man.

I thought he was from the Philippines.

Is that not Indonesia?

I think it's a different place.

I think one's Muslim and one is,

I don't know, one is Pacquiao.

It's all Lilo and Stitch to me.

Anyway, so yeah, all we're saying is there will be additional content now going up on the Patreon and an extra podcast every week.

And the same talk show that you know and love.

And as always, a free episode out to the public.

And that is that is what we're committing to because people that are paying five bucks a month deserve content on a consistent basis.

Thank you.

And good.

I'm glad we're on the same page about that.

Because I'm tired of fighting with you about it behind the page.

No, he's bullshitting.

We're never fighting about it.

I'm tired of.

I say these people

deserve something, and you say to tell with them.

Yeah, I say,

let them eat piss let them eat shit let them eat caca let them eat poo-poo yeah anyway but

and also on patreon.com

hopefully this evening April 20th our new episode is that a Tatreon episode is that free or Patreon I have no idea I'm not I think it's Patreon it's Patreon my only role here anymore I told you this six months ago is I'm an advocate for the audience

and I you're a man of the people and I'm I'm a character-driven.

I'm always, I'm characters from now on.

And Nick will be doing one of his classic episodes, or classic characters, on the new talk show episode.

So strap in, stay tuned.

The Philly thing.

It'll be fun.

Yeah.

But Chinese.

But Chinese.

Yeah.

Where are you from?

Philadelphia, China?

Yeah, Chinatown in Philly.

Oh, Chinatown, Philly.

Where the bus lets off.

Is it still a Chinatown over there?

I don't think it is.

It is, yeah.

I thought it's nice now.

I don't know.

I haven't been in a while.

To Philadelphia?

Yeah.

Okay.

So

those are our, I guess we addressed all that.

No, there's still there's still some stuff that I think.

Okay, ask a couple more questions.

There's been some technical difficulties on the show.

Would you like to explain those to people and why they happened?

Which ones?

Well, namely, these lights don't work anymore.

We have to address these LED lights.

We are getting stronger LED strips next week.

And we feel bad about that.

It's yet another way that we've let down our audience.

People are up in arms about these LED strips.

Dave, let's go to camera one real quick.

And then I'm going to.

Did you lose my audio?

Am I still there?

All right, good.

Where are you going?

I'm going over here.

I'm going over to camera one.

And then.

Can you hear me, Dave?

All right.

Oh, fuck.

What's going on right now?

Well, you want to just, we can take a look here.

This is also a big problem.

You see that, folks?

What is this?

You may notice that that light is off.

Okay.

Do you have an answer for that as to why that light's off, Adam?

I don't know.

Isn't there a lot of people?

Is it something that's chewing on the wires?

I was not chewing on the wires.

Maybe one of the mice that we have in the street.

I want you to look at me right now.

Look at me.

What do you, are you watching soccer on yourself?

No, look at that.

You just got a text from Ginsburg that the new episode is ready.

So guess what?

Look at me now.

Look at me.

And you're talking to the audience now.

Yes.

And I want you to swear to me on your life and the audience.

Say, I swear to you.

I swear to you on my life and the audience.

I am not a wire chewer.

I'm not a wire chewer.

Then why is the light off, Adam?

I don't know.

It's something with the DMX control panel.

Oh, DMX's fault.

Yes.

Woof.

Yeah.

You know when he died?

No.

Two years ago.

When did the light stop working?

No, it was less than two years ago.

It was two years ago, Adam.

Maybe it was two years ago.

What is that on your shirt?

What is that?

What is that?

Right above your hand.

That, I'm looking at it.

It's on your fly.

A wire.

I wasn't chewing on it.

All right.

Can we go back to the show?

We're doing the show right now.

All right, ask me more questions.

Ask me a couple more questions.

These LED lights are off.

Okay.

And you know what controls the LED lights, Adam?

We have a remote control.

There's wires.

Yeah, okay.

So maybe you can, maybe again you can apologize to the audience.

I apologize to the audience for the wires.

I wasn't chewing on the wires.

It wasn't me.

Well, then who was, Adam?

I don't think it's from chewing.

I think it's just the wires fail.

There are connection issues.

I don't know, Nick.

All right.

Well, we'll get back to the show.

Dave, how are we looking?

We reset correctly.

And we're back on the Adam Friedland Show.

If you're just joining us today,

an investigative report, we're here with the BBC as to why Adam is destroying everyone's life.

Okay.

Do your worst.

Do my worst?

I mean, do your best.

Why did they say do your worst?

We have an expression here at the BBC.

What's that?

Give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves.

Actually, I think that's from the Deep South.

Yeah, I think you're right.

I think the world's worst Klans member came up with that.

Give him enough rope.

Yeah.

And he'll hang himself.

Is that what I said?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Who's that?

It had to have been a guy in the Klan that was like, I got an idea.

Why don't we just give him the rope and then we don't have to do nothing?

And then he's like, this is the longest rope I've ever seen in my entire life.

Because at the time, when the KKK started, they were like, black people are the hardest working people in the world.

Yeah.

That's why we've got to make them slaves.

They started off as fans.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, I mean, of course.

The ethic.

That's the only way slavery.

I don't think that the KKK.

You don't think the Europeans went to Africa and they were like,

these guys are all lazy.

I don't think

they would make the perfect slaves.

I don't think the KKK came up with the concept of slavery.

I think that was something that already existed.

I believe the KKK were

from the Confederate Army.

They were like guys that were in the Confederate Army

after they lost, and then they were like, we're going to start putting on Merlin shit and being scary.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that right?

I don't know.

I've never been to Berlin.

No, not Berlin.

Whatever.

Okay.

Next question.

Are there other technical difficulties maybe we could point out?

In the studio.

Yeah.

Namely, where is my Jazz Trio?

Yeah.

We've been asking for a jazz trio.

For months.

Yeah.

We have been trying out bands for the show.

Actually, honestly,

if you live in Brooklyn and

you are a jazz trio and you would like to come on the Adam Friedland show, because we need to, a big part of the problem is we keep using copyrighted content.

Yeah, yeah.

So we'd like some original pieces.

Some original pieces, and we can get you up here and give you a little performance.

We'll get you over here, and then that'll be like playing during interstitials.

My vote has always been for a woman.

We're all in Red Hook, I think, all of the jazz trios.

Why?

I don't know, but I've seen them.

They're Longshoremen?

Yeah, the hometown barbecue, they have jazz trios occasionally.

Do they?

Yeah.

There was the last time I went, there was a guy playing piano there that looked exactly like the mentally disabled guy from

Santa Claus Camp.

The Santa Claus camp documentary.

Oh, yeah, I never saw it.

Yeah, but you know what?

You should

have a bad thing.

They should call that movie bad, Santa.

Mm-hmm.

He's not bad.

You think Billy Bob Thornton's bad?

Get a load of fucking...

Yeah.

He's way more capable.

Yeah.

Nick wants a jazz trio.

I think that's a classy choice.

My vote has always been for white rapper.

We can figure it out.

Maybe we could do like a rap jazz fusion kind of house band.

Last I checked, we were out to Rude Jude to have him come on the show.

He said no?

I don't think the email ever was received.

He's right down the street.

At the JD.

He spent all this fucking money to be in Manhattan.

You figured we could get guys from Sirius to come by.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

Also, Timothy Oliphant, if you're watching, we'd like to have you on.

Yeah, I've been watching a lot of Deadwood again.

Have you?

You got back into Deadwood?

I'm back in.

It's such a good show.

It's the best.

I think it might be 1B after Sopranos.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's so good.

Yeah.

Al is the best character ever.

Yeah.

It's very funny to watch John Wick with

Ian McShane.

Is that the name of the actor?

Yeah.

Swearing.

Swearingen.

To go from Deadwood to John Wick.

Because in Deadwood, he's just this gnarled

prostitute owner.

He's like, hey, he's Al Swearingen and John Wick.

No, because in John Wick, he's like, welcome to murder.

He's like this very affected.

He's a very smooth boy.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And when he orders that woman's death at the end of the first one, and he's like, Your past is revoked.

This is like,

he's this devil wears Prada and like an email mada.

You know, yeah, he's a very theatrical kind of guy in that movie.

I would like to attract a more foppish dandy style audience.

Yeah.

I think gay guys never leave your side no matter how long your career is.

That's not true.

That's absolutely true.

They will support Streisand until she's dead.

What about Peter Thiel and David Geithner?

Those are just.

Who's David Geithner?

Wasn't Wasn't that Timothy Geithner's brother's name?

Wasn't that the story?

Wasn't it?

No.

I thought Peter Thiel was dating Geithner's brother, and then they outed

Gawker outed Teal and him, and that's why Teal had the bone to pick with Gawker, which is why he funded the...

I didn't know that was Geithner's brother.

Wasn't it?

I have no idea.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

My camera's fucked?

Yeah, it seems like...

sorry folks, it seems like Adam may have chewed on the wires for his own camera.

Nick.

How's that Dave?

How we looking, Adam?

What are you doing?

Watching soccer?

No, we got we now finally got the fucking episode.

So now we can watch it afterwards.

So yes, folks, tonight there will be a new episode of the talk show out on patreon.com slash tafs.

It's it's a really good one.

It's very funny.

Why are you putting all the cameras at me?

I think it looks better.

Where but you aren't gonna have any cameras on you?

I mean, I I think the people

are they gonna like this?

Of course, Adam.

I'm the advocate.

Alright.

What?

What are you worried about?

You seem upset.

I think I have dandruff.

Let's see.

Does he have dandruff, folks?

Yeah, my shoulders, so.

Alright, I like that a lot better.

Dave, what do you think about that?

How's that look?

Yeah, that's cool.

Alright.

These things are nifty, huh?

Um, these, yeah.

Oh, hello.

Oh, hello.

This is Jamie Dimon.

Yeah, oh.

Come on, bye, Zoe.

You fucking cocksucker.

Okay, um, another idea we have is to do a.

Dude, what if?

If that was your pain.

Oh my God, I can't wait for a pussy.

I can't wait for...

I was thinking about the other day, is like, you like, you're like hooking up with a girl, right?

And then it's like, you know, you get like, she's like, oh, can you use a condom?

And you're like, yes.

And you're like, yeah, right?

Fuck, yeah.

And then you take the condom out, and you're like, oh, shit.

Oh, oh, fuck.

Like, putting it on.

It's like, what are you doing?

You're like, shut up.

Oh, and then you just bust it.

Yeah, yeah, premature.

You're like, oh, you're just like, fucking.

Feels so good.

Feels so good.

Holy shit.

Yeah, you just fuck the condom and come.

And then afterwards, you're smoking, but you're like, damn, I fucking, I love wearing condoms.

Yeah.

And then you push her off the bed.

And then it's an ad for condoms.

Damn, I love condoms.

Wearing condoms.

Pussy-feeling ass condoms.

Yeah.

Pussy's fucking disgusting.

But wearing a condom.

For guys who think pussy is disgusting.

You think pussy's disgusting?

Try condoms.

Condoms.

Condoms for guys.

Condoms for guys.

His pleasure condom.

There you go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

His pleasure condom.

It's just a fleshlight with barbed wire around it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Stay away from me.

Yeah, just it'll kill the woman, but you.

There's caution tape on the package.

take that aoc

yeah yeah

um

she probably

she probably loves those who aoc aoc loves condoms yeah that's what the c stands for hey i love condoms

hey oh boy it's condom time that's what

That's what AOC stands for.

Yeah.

Did you ever, when you were like a kid and you got condoms from health class, do you ever beat off into one?

Just to feel like what it was like to be an adult that was coming into a condom?

No.

I did.

No.

Yeah.

That was weird.

Remember that

I think

they give you a mini

deodorant and a mini arm and hammer.

Yeah.

A toothbrush.

Like

you have a travel toothbrush.

Right, like you haven't been brushing your teeth?

Maybe I just got that.

Maybe it wasn't in health class.

No, really?

Yeah, no, I remember there was a cool.

I remember you got a mini arm and Hammer toothbrush and then like not, you don't get a trojan, you get like a lifestyles

brand con

at 13.

And they said this is for all the for all the pussy you're about to be getting.

Go on.

And then I was like, I can't wait to be an adult.

Yeah.

And hook up with the AOC.

So your friend Sundar, tell us about this guy.

He's quite rude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is there a name he goes by?

Rude Beep Sundar?

It's me, that Rude Beep Sundar.

That hot boy getting pussy beep sundar.

That hot boy getting pussy beep sundar.

It's weird that in so many,

and it's fair to call, because I wouldn't,

you can't call them like,

there's no wigger Indian, because then it would just be in eager.

No, that sounds bad, too.

They're not even really...

Two eyes.

They're more doing an impression of wiggers.

wiggers.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, so it's

they're doing like

I was on the holodeck playing 4D chess WVE with data, and I said, why do the Indian guys get away with it?

Yeah.

And then he just, you know what, say, you know what the saddest thing about Chat GPT is?

It's not the people whose jobs it's replacing, but the guys that are excited about it just sit around talking to ChatGTP all the time.

Yeah, that they could have friends?

Not even friends, just being fascinated by the technology.

I think a lot of people are fascinated by the technology.

I still don't.

Maybe I'm old, but I just don't understand how it's much different than fucking Smarter Child.

Haven't we had this shit before?

It just Googles shit for you.

That's all it does.

No, but if you have to write a paper for school, you could say how many words you need and stuff.

You could already do that with Indian guys.

You pay them to write that.

There's websites where they just write essays for you.

Yeah, but do they do it in like two seconds?

Basically, yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't think that's a good thing.

They have rooms set up in Calcutta, and there's a thousand typewriters in there.

Yeah.

And then

they each do a word.

Right.

What's going on in the world of soccer?

What do you mean, soccer?

Oh, it's Champions League semifinals coming up.

Also, you got Arsenal versus Manchester City coming up this week.

Actually, speaking of sports, do you want to talk sports, Nick?

Is it time to talk sports?

What are you doing with the camera now?

I'm just making it look a little better.

You You were moving around too much.

Was I?

How do I look?

Intellectual?

Yeah.

I do.

Is it time to talk sports?

Is it time?

I'll tell you, yes, it is, actually.

One minute and 20 seconds, it's time to talk sports.

Welcome to Talking Sports with Nick and Adam.

On the Adam Friedland show.

On the Adam Friedland Show, Red Child

podcast.

We're going to get this branding real tight, guys.

We're going to figure out this branding.

A lot of people have been watching this and thinking, oh,

this podcast is also kind of off the rails, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

But I feel like we've had a couple left since I was worried at first.

It's 4 p.m.

That's a big part of the problem.

It's 4:44 p.m.

Make a wish.

Anyway, when you do this, you got to think about it as you're doing radio.

Yeah, okay.

Radio you got to do in the mornings.

You know why?

Because the early bird gets the worm.

You know what that is.

Of tiny penis.

Here comes the worm.

Here comes the condom.

Yeah.

Well, I got to stop doing voices on this show.

That's going to be...

That's honestly.

That's going to get us in trouble.

The real reason is like, I know we switched to a visual format.

I can't, it's no longer go off season for old me.

Yeah.

Everything's got to be written down, otherwise.

You can't tell them that, though.

Why?

Oh, if it's written down, then it's go-off season.

Well, somebody else can see it first and say, don't say this.

You know, on a podcast, it's basically old-time.

You know, I was saying, I was expressing these concerns about, look, you know, the show's failing.

We're struggling to.

We get advertisers and then they're new, so they don't know what they're buying.

The show has a million listeners.

The show's not called Cometown anymore.

When it was, you get an advertiser, they know what they're getting.

With this, we get an advertiser and they think, oh, it's about fucking Adam for Adam, it's about your life or something.

I don't know.

And then we do the read and they threaten us instead of paying the the money.

Yeah.

But what was I talking about?

I don't know.

But guys, Ryan Garcia versus Gervanta Davis is coming up.

That's crazy.

They got fucking men fighting women now in UFC.

No, two guys.

Which one is the girl?

Neither.

Oh, okay.

Ryan Garcia versus

Gervanta 28-0, Ryan Garcia 23-0.

A little bit of a.

Ryan Garcia, do you think he's related to Andy Garcia?

Hmm.

That would be good.

Yeah.

Do you think maybe he could ask Andy Garcia to come on the show?

I want to ask him about the Untouchables.

About what it was like, Brian De Palma?

Brian De Palma, but also the choice of name for that movie.

Like it should be about India?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then you're like, oh, I'm going to watch this India movie.

And then you get some mobile phone.

It's reverse in the movie.

I mean, Untouchable isn't a bad thing.

In the movie, that means these guys are

so powerful you can't touch them.

Right.

That's the highest caste in

organized crime.

Yeah, during the Palmer.

But in India, the Untouchables are the

lowest cast.

Yeah.

That is pretty confusing.

It's confusing.

And it would be great to ask Andy Garcia.

Anyway, Andy, tell us, do you think if you were a big fat guy, would your name be Candy Garcia?

That's a good question.

Yeah.

If you were horny, would your name be Randy Garcia?

Okay.

If you were the boy from Toy Story, would your name be Andy Garcia?

If you were at the beach, would you be Sandy Garcia?

Sandy Garcia?

Okay.

If you were in the middle of the day, if you were getting a hand job, would you be Handy Garcia?

Andy Garcia.

Yeah.

Landy.

Landy.

Lando Calrizzia.

If you were black.

Spaceman.

Would your name be Landyalrizzo?

No, we're back.

Or if you were Chinese, would your name be Landy Garcia?

If you were Chinese and horny.

Chinese and horny.

Yeah.

Or Chinese and horny.

Right.

Oh, I forgot his name isn't Randy.

I was at a Chinese restaurant the other day.

I told you this already.

But Chinese New Wave music from the 80s came.

You should play it into the laugh.

It's good music.

No, we've got to avoid the copyright stuff.

It is good.

It is really good.

What's the name of the band?

Shout them out.

You can't say.

Okay.

I said, who is this?

That would be a shot in the dark.

Can I I say it?

Which one?

All of them.

I had a bunch of great names for what I thought this band was.

The least tame is probably Bruce Springroll.

Bruce Springroll?

Joy Division, what was it?

The Joy of Doing Division.

That's pretty tame.

I love math.

Instead of Tears for Fears, Rs for L's.

Rs for L's.

But the best one, and the first one I came up with.

I don't know.

You know the band NXS?

Add a couple letters.

Okay.

Yeah, there you go.

There you go.

There you go.

Safe.

Yeah.

Brand safe.

So

this is a big fight coming up.

Two undefeated fighters.

Devontae Jarvis and Andy Garcia.

Javante Davis and

Ryan Garcia.

Yeah.

Not to be confused with Andy Garcia.

And not to be confused with Sandy Garcia.

Randy Garcia.

Handy Garcia.

Yeah.

If he was good at construction and giving hand jobs, Handy Garcia, double entendre.

If he was a computer from the 1970s, maybe Tandy Garcia.

Tandy Garcia, that's pretty good.

He's like, yeah, people used to call me that in the old neighborhood growing up.

And that's why I want to become an actor to prove these people I'm not a fucking computer.

There you go.

There you go.

I'm not here.

I'm not here to be fucking typed on.

I'm here to act.

Yeah, that must have been really pissing him off back in the 70s.

People are like, hey, what are you, a fucking computer?

In Old Brooklyn?

I'm a Cuban-American actor.

In old Brooklyn, all there was to do was you eat pizza, and but you get bullied for having a silly name like Andy Garcia.

Yeah, that's true.

The guys from the old neighborhood, they come by and say, what is this guy, fucking Tandy Garcia?

At the computer?

Tandy?

That's a good question.

Tandy Garcia?

In old Brooklyn,

they used to say that kind of thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it pissed me off because that guy's name was Faggio DeSuck Penis.

Yeah, really?

It was an Italian guy named Faggo Desucker.

And you didn't even pull the trigger.

I'm making fun of him.

I didn't think of it until I was in college.

It was one of those things like where you're in the shower, you realize you're comeback, but it's 25 years later.

Yeah, I was in my seventh year at Cooney Stonebrook, and I thought to myself, ah,

his name's silly.

Yeah, yeah, I could have made fun of Faggio.

He said they used to break the keys off the keyboard.

He used to break the keys off the keyboards to make me eat them.

Really?

Yeah.

That's horrible.

And then he'd pull his cock out, and I'd have to spell his name with the key.

I'd have to throw up the right letters.

And you couldn't even.

I'd have to spell out Faggio.

Even if you were writing his name out, you couldn't even tell he had an embarrassing name.

I couldn't, yeah.

You idiot, Andy.

Anyway,

where would you bet if you wanted to bet on this Garcia versus Davis?

Mybookie.ag.

I think that is a great place to bet.

And guess what, guys?

With our promo code TAFS, it gets you 50% bonus on your initial deposit.

That's free money.

That's free money to play with.

And if there's anything I like to do, it's playing with money.

Let me look up the alphabet real quick.

I'm going to see if we missed any alphabet.

I keep looking up.

I've missed any of the letters for.

Bandy Garcia.

Fandy, Gandy.

Take a Gandy at my hold.

Okay, so.

Okay.

Guys, we have the MLB season back.

We have the NBA playoffs.

Pandy Garcia.

This is from Joey, the guy who sold this ad.

He says, Gervanta Davis beats his wife and he's undefeated in the ring.

I don't think you're supposed to read that part.

It says in the thing you, the screenshot you sent me.

I know, I sent you a screenshot from him telling us that there is a my bookie read.

No, he says, Gervanta Davis beats his wife and his undefeated in the ring.

Do as you please with this information.

He said that.

Okay.

How about Vandy Garcia?

If he has a van.

And he lives in a van and he kills Gabby Petito.

Okay.

Or Landry, Brian, Brian Landry.

Laundry.

Laundry Garcia.

Brian Laundry Garcia.

And he got eaten by

alligators.

Look at this.

I can't just look up the alphabet as an adult.

It's all like baby shit.

It's got to make me look like a fucking idiot.

Yeah, that's not even the full alphabet.

That's the next business.

Fuck the Adam Friedland show.

We get an

alphabets for adults.

Yeah.

They got to have a grown-up alphabet.

All black and white.

And not that NATO bullshit for guys who want to pretend they're in the military.

MyBookie.ag

promo code TAFS back.

What were we saying about?

Oh, alphabet for adults.

No, we should stay on this because there's other stuff in there.

It's not just this Devontae Giarcia fight.

What's his name?

What do you mean?

That's it.

You got basketball.

You got

Javante Davis.

You think there's any relation to

Gina Davis?

Andy Garcia.

Andy Garcia.

Yeah, I didn't even think about Gina Davis.

I didn't even consider that Gina Davis, my guru.

Wow, so neither of these guys have ever lost a fight.

Yeah, that's the big thing about this fight.

And there's been a lot of smack talk.

It's like kind of a pretty boy, Ryan Garcia, versus

Tank.

They call him Tank Davis.

Tank Davis?

Yeah, because he's so strong.

T-A-N-K-D-Y, perhaps?

Tank D.

Garcia.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But then they would be brothers.

They would be.

Yeah.

Like Mario and Luigi.

Like Mario and Luigi.

Yeah, hold on now.

Are Wario and Waluigi related to Mario and Luigi?

Are they just?

Um, yeah.

They're cousins or something.

Okay.

Um, no, we have to talk about the NBA playoffs.

NBA playoffs are in full swing.

You're in the first round right now.

We've got a lot of great action in the NBA.

And the best odds, you can find them at mybookie.ag.

What else do you think?

Do they match your deposit up to 50%?

They match your initial deposit up to 50%.

Who do you like for the NBA playoffs?

I always thought playoff was such a funny word.

What?

Because it's like, oh, hold on, I got to go play off real quick.

It's like beating off?

Well, yeah, I guess.

I was thinking more of like an involved, you know, like a child.

What do you mean?

I'm like, I'm going to go play off these fifth graders over here while no one's looking.

I mean, but they play basketball.

Hey, kids, get in my van.

I'm going to play you off.

We'll give you some candy.

I'll play you off.

So you thought of.

That's what it made me think of.

Like

people getting molested.

Yeah, people molesting children.

I don't know.

I guess I never thought of that.

I would call it the finals, if it were me.

Well, the finals are at the end of the playoffs.

Well, then you started to call the first ones the beginnings.

Then be a beginnings, and then the finals.

I think that the beginnings are either you have a season.

No, that's the preseason.

No, you have a preseason, season, and the prelog.

You change it into the preseason to the epilogue.

Epilogue.

Yeah.

The preseason.

No, that's prologue.

No, it's the epilogue of last year's finals.

I think it's the prologue.

No.

The preseason is the epilogue to the year prior's finals.

Oh, okay.

You call the preseason.

You're going back in with all the characters.

Preseason.

NBA retro style.

And then the regular season is the preseason.

Okay.

Then the beginnings.

Yeah.

And then the epilogue.

Are pretty good.

Two.

Epilogue two.

Yeah.

Epilogue two be continued.

Okay.

That way it keeps people watching until the next season.

Yeah.

If the NBA is listening, give me a call.

Give me a call.

We have some maybe some exciting business to discuss.

I have a couple more ideas.

Okay, let's hear it.

To be continued with them.

To be continued.

Yeah.

I always thought that was a funny thing to put at the end of a show.

To be continued?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it's like, yeah, of course.

I didn't think it was getting canceled.

Yeah.

That's very

good bit.

Very presumptuous of them.

That's kind of like a good for, you could do that for stand-up, I think.

Which I will be doing this weekend in Milwaukee.

That's the other problem with the show.

There's been no time to promote, we're not doing it regularly, so we can't promote our stand-up dates on the show.

And we've both seen a precipitous drop in ticket sales.

Audience, I mean, I sold 10 tickets in Salt Lake City.

So we're losing money on and five of them were arrested

at the show.

And in a moment of panic, I converted all of my money into one solid 400-ounce gold brick.

So all of my net worth is sort of tied up in a brick that I keep in a, yeah.

In a shoebox in my apartment.

And you're kind of, Nick is now kind of, his brain is kind of unraveling into like treating the brick like kind of Wilson from Castaway.

You're having full conversations with.

Is that Tom Arnold's character?

No,

that's the volleyball.

Yeah, and Tom Arnold has a voice.

I don't think that's what...

happened in the movie.

That's what I remember.

No, I think it was.

Like, hey, I'm a fucking volleyball.

No, he was cast away.

Yeah, Roseanne got her pussy all over my face.

No, that.

I think you're thinking of True Lies.

Cone heads, maybe.

Cone heads, maybe.

Yeah.

I think Tom Hanks cuts his hand.

I don't know why they call it cone logs.

They should call that movie Butt Plugs.

They should call that movie Talking Butt Plugs.

It's true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You never see someone

try to put, what's his name, Dan Aykroyd into their their ass.

Yeah, so anyways, mybookie.ag promo code T-A-F-S and tell them what you get with that.

You get 50% off your first deposit.

No, they get a bonus.

Or 50% bonus.

They match your deposit.

Yeah, yeah.

Up to 50%.

Up to 50%.

It's a hot item in the news.

Kentucky Fried Chicken had to legally change their name to KFC.

Why?

Because it's technically not chicken.

Seriously?

Somebody told me that in like seventh grade.

Yeah.

So that's still in the news?

That's probably about the last time I checked in on what's going on in the world.

There was a parking garage collapse.

Yeah, that's big.

New York news, we had a big parking garage collapse.

You know what I noticed is Mayor Adams, he was giving a speech.

He said, first of all, he said there's...

Gomez Adams?

No, not yet.

Louis J.

Gomez is the mayor of New York.

No, no, no, no, no.

Eric Adams, the mayor of New York City.

He's

saying any relation to

Gomez Adams.

And Andy Garcia.

Andy Garcia.

I don't think so.

He gave an address at the scene of the crime, you know, calm things down.

Crime.

Not crime.

Catastrophe.

They expected foul play.

I'm not going to put that out there.

No.

But they did send in those robot dogs.

The, what do you call it?

Foul play I always thought was weird too.

Why?

Because what is this, baseball?

No, it just makes me think.

It's like, you know, oh, wow, this fifth grader's got a stinky pussy.

It's foul.

I don't know.

I don't know how you draw that.

This word play is always.

Play reminds me of children.

Yeah.

I always thought foul play is like when you don't hit it between the foul poles

in baseball, they should call that a foul play.

I always thought they should call them stinky balls

instead of foul.

Uh-huh.

Because foul is more disgusting.

Yeah, foul.

If you say her pussy sm

smelled foul.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you said her pussy was stinky, then you'd be like, oh,

that'll happen.

What if his name was Stinky Garcia?

Mm-hmm.

And his pussy smells.

He's like, all right, I'm the new commissioner of police here, and I don't want to hear any talk about my stinky pussy.

Yeah.

In the Untouchables.

In the Untouchables.

Yeah.

Director

Brian DePalma.

So you had lunch with James Cameron recently, haven't you?

We did.

Yeah.

We did.

You want to talk about what he said to us or no?

No, you had lunch with James Cameron.

No, we did.

No, I'm the interviewer now.

BBC style.

Yeah, I had lunch.

He raped and murdered a four-year-old girl.

Tell us why.

No, that's...

I did not.

You're thinking of someone else.

Yeah.

Did you see Elon Musk that BBC interview?

He just did?

People are posting it being like, oh, he did the Uno reverse on him.

I don't know what's going on with his torso, but he's like.

Is he fat?

Well, just his.

I don't know if he's like doing like HRH and not working out or something, but his rib cage is out to here.

He's like barrel-chested?

Yeah, so his body just doesn't make any sense.

Yeah.

Do you say that would be a good cat call if you saw him walking down the street?

I felt like that was...

Ooh, your body don't make no sense.

That should be the premise of the new Aliens movie.

Is Elon Musk has a...

Well, SpaceX becomes the company that goes and discovers the aliens.

Well, I think that already happens in Prometheus.

But...

And it's called SpaceX?

Then it turns out Elon Musk himself is a xenomorph.

Where he gave birth to one.

Yeah.

Out of his chest.

Well, yeah, out of his body.

Out of his body.

Yeah.

A lot of pregnancy in those movies.

Yeah, it's kind of a metaphor.

For.

Getting pregnant.

Getting pregnant.

Mm-hmm.

You know, they should have, instead of Ripley, they should have sent

fucking Planned Parenthood up there.

I'm thinking one of the things that we want to start incorporating back into the show is setting Guinness Book of World Records.

Somebody just did that, didn't they?

For a podcast?

No, no, no, no.

A black lady has the biggest afro in the world.

She just set the Guinness record.

We could beat that.

Yeah.

How big?

It's like five feet in circumference.

But honestly, you look at pictures of her and I'm like, I see this lady all the time.

She's She's probably just the only one that thought to enter.

Do black people know about the Guinness Book of World Records?

Because I feel like there's a shocking dearth of black people in there.

All of the records are bullshit.

It's always not un-athletic things.

It's like the guy that ate the most recent.

The longest fingernails.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

It's all this stuff.

There's no, well, who's the Guinness Book of World Records guy who can jump the highest?

That's not in there.

I mean, it probably is, but.

It definitely is.

Those weren't the ones I was reading.

Which ones were you reading?

The Penny's Guy, or that Chinese guy that ate an airplane.

I don't know.

I've seen the Guinness Book of World Records.

It's in there.

Yeah.

Most airplanes eaten?

Yeah.

And the record is.

It was just one.

It was this guy that ate an airplane.

But that's not a record.

I think that's Ripley's you're thinking of.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's crazy.

The Guinness Book of World Records is one of two books that was spawned by a drunken argument with people.

What do you get?

You get money if you sell one?

Or do you get just beer?

I think you get a million dollars.

One million dollars.

Yeah, yeah, it's like the Millennium Prize.

Dude, that's going to cover all of our production costs.

Yes, we've got to set a record.

Okay, most

beatable,

Guinness

World Records.

No, you can't Google it because that way, maybe let's ask ChatGPT.

Dave!

Hold on.

Here's what we do.

Go on ChatGPT and say, write us the longest book of all time and put our names on it.

And say that I wrote it, say that we wrote it.

We wrote it and then we've written the longest book of all time and then we get the fucking the Millennium Prize.

Or we break ChatGPT and we set society free.

I think people are already doing that.

They are?

Yeah, they discovered, they make it act like they're grandma.

And they say, show me your pussy.

No one does that.

What?

Yeah, no, people.

No one does that.

I saw it.

I saw it myself.

Don't tell me.

I haven't seen it.

We can do this.

Easy.

Things with my own eyes that I've seen on this earth do not exist.

This is easy.

Which one?

Most C Ds balanced on one finger.

Current record 50.

You can get 51.

Can you tape them together?

You may not poke your finger through the holes of any of them.

The finger must be flat against the C D.

How the fuck?

Like that?

Like this.

Yeah.

50.

Easy.

Most t-shirts put on in one minute, 31.

You could train for that.

Yeah.

We get $1 million.

All the production expenses are covered.

What if I die?

What?

What if I die?

From what?

Putting on too many t-shirts.

You can't die from that.

Well, I'll tell you, I feel like I'm dying already by putting on too many hats on this show.

You barely wear one.

Anyway, most jello-eaten

with chopsticks in one minute.

Dude, we can beat these so easily.

Most jello-eaten with chopsticks.

This is what I mean.

This is what's in the Guinness Booker World Records.

These are the stupidest things ever.

Yeah.

It's all just, it's guys that are bad at things,

they have nothing in their life,

which means probably, yes, we could set a Guinness Book of World a record.

If we get $1 million for the show, we are fine.

That's a great idea, Adam.

What do you mean?

We'll set a record on the show, and we'll do it right now.

For what?

And the record is going to be, I already have it written down, is most wires eaten by one man.

Well, you're back on this wire show?

Well, you don't want to to eat the wires?

No, I'm not going to eat a wire.

Can you please eat the wires?

No, it's disgusting.

It has metal in it.

I got to figure out what we have back here that you could eat.

I'm not going to eat shit from back there.

I hate this.

I got it.

Okay.

So here's what we're going to do.

The Guinness World Record we're setting is most lotion eaten by one man.

See if you can put that entire thing of lotion on your face.

On my face?

Yeah, just try to do it.

And here we go, guys.

This is it.

The world premiere of Adam.

But I thought you meant eaten.

Yeah, I know.

You're not going to eat it, but maybe you can put all that on your face.

Alright.

Okay, so here's the countdown.

So let's see if there's a record.

Most lotion on one face.

Dude, there's a lot of lotion on it.

Most lotion on one face, Guinness record.

I don't want to ruin my clothes.

Yeah, okay.

Yep, it's not a record.

So, no, put it back on, and we'll go by pumps.

All right?

Put the whole thing.

No, come on, man.

Just do as many as you can.

It's a desperate attempt.

No, it's not.

Ready?

One.

To win.

Take your glasses off.

How do we look?

Does he look good on the camera?

All right, we've got the lights.

Okay, one.

Ding.

Two pumps.

Ding.

And then you've got to go fast, too.

So I'll start the timer again.

This is three.

Three.

And let's do the most

five minutes.

In five minutes, see how many pumps you can get.

Four.

Go fast.

You got to go fast, dude.

I'm only doing this because my skin has been bad.

Yeah, no, we're doing it to save the show.

Come on.

How many is it?

Six?

Seven.

Eight.

Eight pumps, folks.

This is live, the world record for most lotion on one face.

I don't.

You got gotta count because I'm narrating.

I don't know how many.

Dave, how many is it?

This 13,

14,

15,

16,

17.

I don't like it, man.

18.

This is like I'm 36.

19.

20.

twenty-one

do I look cool at least?

Yes, twenty-two

twenty-three

I don't want to get this on my clothes

twenty-four keep going dude faster

twenty-five

twenty-six

twenty-seven

twenty-eight

twenty-nine

thirty

thirty-one

thirty-two

thirty-three

thirty-four thirty-four

thirty-five

thirty-six

thirty-seven

thirty-eight

thirty-nine

forty

forty-one

forty-two forty-three

forty-four-five shower or something forty-six.

How does it look?

Forty-seven.

No, it's a moment.

No, keep going, keep going.

We're almost there.

48,

49,

50.

Faster.

51, 52, 53.

There we go.

Keep this pace.

4.

No, but it's now it's on the pet the 55,

56,

57,

58,

59,

60,

61,

62,

63,

64, halfway there, 65,

66,

67,

68,

69,

70,

71,

72,

72 and a half,

73 and a half,

seventy-four and a half, seventy-five and a half,

seventy,

six six and a half seven

seventy-eight

seventy-nine

eighty

eighty-one

eighty-two

eighty-three

eighty-four

eighty-five

eighty-six

Do I look nice?

Eighty-seven eighty-seven eighty-seven

eighty-eight

eighty-nine

ninety

How am I going to get the?

90, 90, 90.

Come on, dude.

I'm just going to 100, okay?

No, no, no.

We got a minute and a half left.

Keep going.

Sell my jacket.

91.

No, now it's on the 10.

92.

93.

Put some in your hair.

94.

95.

96.

97.

98.

99.

100.

No, it's in my eye.

101.

Come on.

We got a minute left.

Almost there.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

Eleven.

Thirty seconds.

twelve, fast, thirteen, home stretch, fourteen,

fifteen,

sixteen,

seventeen,

eighteen,

nineteen,

twenty,

twenty-one,

twenty-two,

twenty-three,

twenty-four,

twenty-five,

twenty-six,

twenty-seven,

28,

29, that's it.

Okay, so 129.

We got 129.

If

the Guinness Book of World Records, reach out to us at the Adam Friedland Show.

We've set the record.

We're ready for the million dollars.

You can send it to the office at any time.

Adam, do you want to give a round of applause?

Thank you.

All right, go get yourself cleaned up.

All right, guys, make sure that you subscribe to the Adam Friedland Show on YouTube.

And

we'll be back this weekend with a premium episode and maybe some guests.

And we'll get all this lotion cleaned up.

All right, thanks, folks.

Good night.

Do we have a towel?

Booking a trip?

Don't skip the travel insurance part.

Ensure My Trip makes it super easy to compare plans that actually fit your trip.

Whether it's a weekend getaway or a semester abroad, we've got you covered.

From cancellations to lost luggage and medical emergencies, no shady providers, just smart tech and real help from licensed agents.

Plus, we don't play favorites, just what's best for you.

Be the main character when you travel.

Protect your trip at insuremytrip.com.

That's insuremytrip.com.

So, what do this animal

and this animal

and this animal

have in common?

They all live on an Organic Valley farm.

Organic Valley dairy comes from small organic family farms that protect the land and the plants and animals that live on it from toxic pesticides, which leads to a thriving ecosystem and delicious, nutritious milk and cheese.

Learn more at OV.coop and taste the difference.