Ep. P04 – Twitch

All right, we're good.

All right.

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.

This is like the Chris Hardwick, like talking dead.

We're talking

the Adam Friedland Show talk show to wrapping it up.

Talking 9-11 with Chris Hardwick.

Talking 9-11.

We have a special guest today, our good friend, best friend, perhaps.

Yeah, probably your best friend.

It's an hour after 9-11, or two hours, in the middle of the day.

And Chris Hardwick's sitting there with fucking

Zach Levi.

And Chris Hardwick's like,

how they're watching somebody jump from the building.

He's like, how awesome would it be if spider webs just came out and it's Miles Morales.

If the towers were two Daleks.

Yeah.

Is it Dalek?

I don't know what that is.

No.

Well, Doctor Who.

He loves Doctor Who.

Oh.

Doctor Who?

Yeah.

That's what I say.

That's very dismissive.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Apparently, my people are like, oh, have you seen Doctor Who?

I'm like, what is this?

One of those Chinese baseball player jokes?

Did you hear who's a doctor?

No, who?

They're like, exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Abbott and Costello.

Doctor Who?

Dr.

Extreme.

Brandon.

Brandon Wardell joins.

You're in New York.

It's good to have you here.

I feel like you're here

every three weeks.

Yeah.

If you're a regular listener to the Adam adam friedland show too we have uh uh a whole stockpile of episodes on the patreon we show building up uh deep content well yeah new hot new episode with simon rex a lot of people that i guess there's like been confusion people have been like why haven't you put anything out and it's like well it's go on the patreon yeah so we put out we put out seven episodes in january i guess people just can't i guess it's a glitch or something yeah i don't know it's their fault yeah it's their fault yeah i don't know there's no time.

We're too busy to, I don't, we don't have time to

look at emails or whatever the fuck people are.

We're go, go, go kind of guys.

Messaging, yeah.

But I guess a rumor somehow got started.

Well, yes, we do have a new episode with Simon Rex on the Patreon.

The next episode, we've already shot most of it.

Do they know who it is?

No, it's going to be a special secret.

It's a secret.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Because he's a.

He was on my flight.

all right yeah

brandon you you should tell that story jonathan candy the actor will be joining

the ghost back from the dead yes what the story about wait blue brandon got uh uh in trouble from jet blue

oh i showed up at his gate i showed up at yeah i showed up at the gate and then well they were saying my name on the on the intercom and then i show up And then there's some guy there who's like, yeah,

I'm the head of regional security for JetBlue.

You vaped on one of our aircrafts in October.

And I want to tell you: if this happens again, we will have to divert the aircraft and you're going to be banned from any future JetBlue flights.

And I was like, you got caught vaping?

I think I, well, I went back.

I realized that

I tagged them.

It was.

I didn't just tag them.

I was like,

come arrest me.

Come arrest me at JFK.

Now, what are you going to do at JetBlue?

And then yeah, you know, it was my fault.

Naughty, naughty, Brandon.

I know.

There's no reason not to vape on an airplane.

No.

It's crazy they said that they would divert the flight path

if you were caught and just ruined

ruin the lives of people.

Also, people would launder people.

They brought down the regional head of security for that.

They had them waiting around.

Because as I was going through security, I heard them make the announcement multiple times.

They made it like they said it on the intercom like three times before I got there.

And then I get to the gate.

I'm like, oh,

I'm him.

I'm him.

Ariel Pink was there?

Ariel Pink was there.

I looked over and the regional

security ghost.

By the way.

Oh, yeah.

Don't say later.

But then that.

Didn't he like

he stormed?

He didn't storm.

He didn't storm the Capitol.

He was at the Trump speech.

He was hanging out at the speech.

He did not storm.

But he didn't storm.

And John Mouse didn't get in trouble at all.

No.

yeah he got grandfather because that cop killer song yeah that cancels it out but he was talking about uh the good cop brian sicknick

who was killed by capital protesters

oh which was was he the guy that was like crushed to death or something no yeah but it literally i think everybody everybody that quote-unquote died died

like

one accident one guy tased himself by accident yeah

but the other guy yeah he like had a heart attack or something two days later.

To be honest with you, I have not, I don't, I stopped caring about fucking everything.

As soon as I got vaccinated, I don't know.

Something happened in my brain where it's like, Joe Biden's good.

He's an honorable man.

Yeah.

You know, fucking the Wakanda forever.

Wakanda forever.

Windows.

Windows operating system is the best one.

I'll start having thoughts.

I'll be like, wait a minute, this doesn't really add up.

Hunter Biden sent this email, and then I'm like, Wakanda forever.

Wakanda forever.

Wakanda forever.

And then I can't think about anything other than

the Black Panther.

Yeah, fat black women wearing cool underwear,

massive billboards,

just reaching out over the skyline.

Every American metropolis, we have just Lizzo's new clothing line, and we see every part of her body.

That's a lot of women.

Brandon, you worked with Lizzo.

Oh, on a really on a

bad

MTV.

Yeah, on a

pornography.

One reverse picture.

Reverse blacked.

Reverse blacked.

Yeah.

It's just a black dude backing into

a white woman with a strap on.

Yeah, we were on

an MTV show that was bad.

It was like as the ship was sinking.

She dates one of the...

The herd.

That's what they call it.

That guy.

Mike Wright.

Do you know him?

It's a comic.

No.

He was on Admin Devine's house party.

She dates a comic?

Yeah.

Like an LA comic?

I don't think he does comedy anymore.

Like a so-that just happened kind of comic?

That's like L.A.

Yeah, that's when they tried to cancel her for getting mad at Seamless.

Oh, that was...

Well, because she posted the...

The picture of the guy or something.

And people were like, she's doxing this food delivery worker.

Yeah, but she was hungry.

I think she's in the right.

That shit made me.

I think she killed her.

Let her cook.

Who gives a shit?

Right.

What do you think is going to happen?

Some Lizzo fans going to find this.

Planet edges and murder.

Yeah, right.

This is for Lizzo.

Who gives a fuck?

Yeah.

Packing a 9mm?

This bullet's for...

I'm going to clap this guy up for Lizzo.

No, it's just they were running out of things to cancel people for.

Yeah.

It was a dry week, and now all that's coming back.

Your good friend, Andrew Callahan.

Yeah, one of Brandon's best friends.

A casual acquaintance.

Well, you used to go to a Chateau Marmont with him.

It's just they're scraping the bottom of the barrel now with people to cancel.

Yeah.

Oh, a guy that had a couple of YouTube videos.

Yeah.

I don't know.

He had a movie.

What?

He had a movie.

Who's next?

Mr.

Beast.

Who's next?

Mr.

Beast.

Mr.

Beast.

Mr.

Bean.

You don't know.

Have you seen this guy?

Mr.

Beast?

Mr.

Bean?

Is he Mr.

Beast?

Oh, yeah.

Caleb said Caleb's.

Where's Mr.

Beast?

Oh, he's like,

I don't know.

I actually don't know.

What does he look like?

He's ugly.

I'm not doing the thing where I'm like, I don't know who the Kardashians are.

No, I literally don't know who I am.

Who's subscribed to YouTube?

I don't know.

I literally know who the Kardashians are.

Honestly, I literally don't.

The Kardashians?

I mean, I sort of know.

I know who's in the camp.

You know the Kardashians, though.

I know who who Kim Kardashian is.

But the Chloe and Christy, I i there's three or four of them, right?

Yes.

And then they're the Jenners.

Yeah, I don't know any of that shit.

Yeah.

I know I know

Caitlin Jenner, because we were initially supposed to be mad about that, and then she became a Republican, and now she's a hero.

Yeah.

Right.

She earned her pronouns by being racist.

Well, I...

And by killing someone.

Yeah, the vehicular manslaughter.

That is is the pimpest move.

Killing someone and then changing your gender.

Who else did it, Brod?

Oh, Broderick did a...

And then he did.

Vehicular how?

Manslaughter.

But no, it didn't do the second part.

I want to create a...

I'm going to get to Congress and pass a law.

Is the mic picking that up, by the way?

Who gives a fucking shit?

Who fucking cares?

Okay.

Who cares about any of this shit?

Our radiator is making noises.

Brandon's worried about the integrity of our recording.

You know what?

Consummate professional.

Rather than going to Congress, murder a woman

and try to get charged with manslaughter and then hinge my defense on it being, well, it's pretty clear this is you have to kill a man.

Oh, that was him.

Yeah.

If you didn't, yeah.

Well, no, I mean, you can't.

It's manslaughter.

You can't charge with this cruelty.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Man, I would be like, sort of the, you know, that would be like the Gideon versus Wainwright of 2023.

You should have gone to law school, bro.

Yeah.

You would have been the finest legal in in America.

Nick?

Yeah.

If he legally blonded?

Yeah, if you had a lawyer arc?

It's too late for me to learn anything.

What do you mean?

My brain doesn't work anymore.

You know about buttons.

All right.

And wires.

You're always retaining.

Nick is an autodidact.

Simon Rex taught him that word.

No, he didn't teach me.

I let him think he taught me.

Did he drop autodidact on

the episode?

Damn.

He tried to flex with an autodidact.

Flex Dolvo Pebb Dirt Nasty.

What is that?

Someone that can suck their own dick?

Yes.

Yes it is.

Oh yeah, so Mr.

Beast is just this guy who just gives away money.

That's like a

how did he get all of the money first?

I know that he I know Mr.

Beast Burger.

Yeah, he's a burger.

I'm a

thousand blind people not blind anymore.

And I remember

he was kind of making all those videos with the corn kid from Jonathan Davis.

Now,

I did look up Mr.

Beast somewhat regular or recently because there was some other thing that he did before the blind thing.

And I did not know that he didn't even have a YouTube account until 2014 or something.

Well, YouTube kind of isn't that old.

I think it's been around forever.

It's been around for like 20 years.

I don't think so.

Yeah, 2014.

It's been around since like 07?

05?

06?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know.

Yeah.

I mean, I was, you know,

what were you doing?

You know,

you knew I loved YouTube.

YouTube boy.

I still love YouTube.

Yeah, Brandon.

I love forcing people to watch YouTube.

No, the worst thing you do is the run it back thing.

If we miss a line of a song, you're like, give me the remote, give me the remote, give me the remote.

Yeah.

Anyway, yeah, so he gives away money, this guy, Mr.

Beast.

And Caleb was telling me, my friend Caleb Pitts,

pod about lists.

Great, great show.

Pod About Beast, it sounds like.

It sounds like he's obsessed with this Mr.

Beast guy.

He is.

It's honestly.

I wonder what Caleb's motivation is with that.

It seems a little fruity.

Yeah,

a little bit suspect.

A little sus.

A little sus.

It's what's up, though, also.

It is what's up.

That's what's up.

It's sus, but it's what's up.

Where did that come from?

Oh, we were watching this comic we know do crowd work.

That's us, but that's what's up.

No, he's like, where are you from?

And they were like, you know, Ecuador or some shit.

And he's like, that's what's up.

Amini?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Martin Amini.

He said, that's what's up.

Who's really

blown up?

He's hitting the reels heavy.

Because he was, I remember when he was new,

I remember us being at your apartment in D.C.

and watching a video of him, like, interviewing himself and being like, yeah, I've been doing stand-up about three months.

That was crazy.

I forgot about that video.

And then he really, like, did his thing.

And then he had that other video where it was like a street brawl.

I didn't see that.

Do you remember?

It was like a promotion for his comedy collective or something.

And it was like

groups of people and then like

two groups of people and then like facing off in an alley.

And I think Stav was in it.

I think Stav was in it.

Stav was in it.

Yeah.

That's cool.

We got to find that vid.

We got to find that vid.

We got to dig into that.

So Mr.

Beast just gives away money.

That's his thing, right?

And

apparently Caleb says he's from North Carolina.

And Caleb says he's like thrown the state into a frenzy where people just like hang out in supermarket parking lots because they're like, oh, Mr.

Beast comes here and like gives people 5K cash.

And that's

that's what it that's well like they just didn't wait around for Mr.

Beast.

They just loiter.

About Mr.

Bress.

Mr.

Bress.

There you go.

And then wait, Mr.

Bress.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, gives a thousand ladies

tits.

Big tits.

Howard used to do that.

Oh, where did he?

He would give women tits.

Howard Sperm.

Big tits.

Howard Sperm.

Yeah.

You know, he's Sarah Sperm's uncle.

Sarah Sperm and Howard Sperm.

That's how she got on SNL.

It was a Jews, dude.

It's a conspiracy.

Well, I didn't know I did.

Sarah Sperm's uncle is Howard Sperm.

Yeah.

That she called in a favor at the Sperm family reunion.

See, it's all about connections, bro.

Yeah.

What was I going to say?

There was something else, but I forget.

Well, Mr.

Beast, you wanted to talk about Mr.

Beast.

Oh, Caleb.

You said you specifically, before the podcast, you said, guys, we got to show you.

You said Caleb was showing you pictures of him in his wallet, and then he told you this story about.

No, he didn't have wallet pictures.

Oh.

No, he didn't.

Do you remember when he was trotting out Corn Kid?

There's the little

boy that was like, I like corn.

And it was like a viral clip of like, you got to get a kid like that for the Adam Freebie.

You don't want kids on the show.

You got to get Cornkid on task.

You don't want kids on the show.

You get somebody with Progeria.

Oh, yeah.

Milanaucus vibes.

Wait, no.

Progeria is the one where they age quickly, isn't it?

Yeah.

That's the one where they look old, young.

An old kid?

Yeah, an old man, eight-year-old.

Wait, no, it's the other way, right?

Which one is that?

Progeria, I think, is when you look old, but you're a child.

But then they don't grow.

Yeah, man.

I'm kind of an autodidact myself.

You know this.

You know this about me.

You can suck your own dick.

Yeah, yeah.

Damn.

Social.

And that makes you better at learning?

I think so.

Yeah, I can't go back to school.

It's changed a lot.

Wait, you, you.

When did you tap out?

Because you...

You went to community college high.

Yeah.

I went to community college high school.

And he would take acid at school.

I've done that, but it wasn't like like a regular school.

I was never acid and then go to social studies.

I was never like a regular acid guy.

Some people are like that.

People love it.

Yeah, they do.

Well, that was always nuts to me.

When kids would get high and then just go to math class.

I used to smoke weed.

Because it's like, what are you getting?

In a senior year, I'd smoke weed before school, but on occasion.

But it felt cool.

I felt like I was in dazed and confused.

I'll tell you what, though, before the pandemic,

because

we were going to tour Australia again.

Yeah.

And then there was like, I had a plan.

I wanted to go to like China for like six weeks because we went to Japan.

But it wasn't like enough time.

Right.

You know, that week.

So I was like, I want to do like a long vacation.

So I took language classes in the financial district.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I thought you didn't want to talk about this.

What?

Oh, yeah.

I bit my tongue.

Oh, I didn't.

I thought you didn't want to.

No, no.

This is a big

reveal.

Well, now I've forgotten everything.

But that was part of

a Chinese class for a while.

Yeah, for like six weeks.

You were like, don't fucking mention it on the pause yeah because i need privacy yeah you have to create like a little secret life yeah when we were talking about like oh i'm too when you said oh i'm too old to learn things i remember i mentally i was like oh he did chinese class the only point of that was like it was a lot of fun dude i loved it yeah yeah having homework going and seeing those chinese it's literally it's fun to learn you'd laugh huh you'd be like that's good What?

They'd say the Chinese stuff.

I didn't say it was funny.

I said it was fun.

Oh, I thought you said it was funny.

No, no, no.

I had a good time.

It's nice having homework.

Yeah.

Let's do a danger field.

What do you mean?

Back to school.

So sick, the triple Indy.

Do you remember his dive?

What's up?

They said it wasn't possible.

Oh, in Back to School.

Yeah.

Kurt Vonnegut is in that movie.

No, I can mention it now just because I don't do it anymore.

Now you're not.

It was part of it.

You didn't retain any of it?

I mean, some of it, but

it was part of advice I got from Ari Shafir.

Yeah.

Because he does rock climbing.

Well, in 2018, I was not coping well with

the attention, I guess.

And then he was like, yeah, you just have to create.

He's like, just pick up dumb bullshit that nobody knows about.

Like a hobby.

Yeah, just have a hobby.

But they have to be secret hobbies.

Right.

Yeah, Nick was like, don't tell people I like cars.

Otherwise, it just becomes lore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So lame.

I mean, that's like they're gonna.

Whatever.

It's a better job than any other job.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's sick.

Yeah, but you can do literally anything.

You can get a crocheting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what are your hobbies, Brandon?

Tetris?

Oh, you know I say play.

I don't have to play.

Brandon's like got

really good at it.

He plays it on the laptop.

It's just sort of, yeah, I don't know.

I'll be having a conversation.

I'll be playing Tetris.

I like it that you're getting back into your Asian heritage.

Tetris.

You're getting nasty at Tetris.

Tetris, actually.

My white dad was really good at Tetris.

Oh, the Colonel.

Yeah.

We don't need to get into it.

We don't need to dox my hood.

He's from Kentucky.

He wears a white suit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was.

Yeah,

dude.

Yeah, I'm a Nepo.

Do you see Andy's TV?

He dressed like Colonel Stressor.

The Colonel.

That's fun.

Yeah, that's fun.

Yeah, no, it's.

But I guess Tetris is Asian.

An Asian invention.

I've been encouraging Brandon for years to be

technically, right?

Technically.

Yeah.

But.

No, it's Russian.

That's Asian.

It's right.

Oh, right.

So I thought the point you were making.

No.

Asian.

Yeah.

You know, like Hari Kondabolo used to do that.

Fine as well.

What did he marry?

People were bringing up Asians, and he's like, you know, he's like, we're Asian also.

There was a thing Indian people were doing for a while.

They're like, oh, what do you mean, Asians?

What point does that prove?

First of all, it's like.

Cool.

It's the same continent.

Yeah.

Like, it's this this massive land.

Also, Asia is the laziestly named continent.

They did all the other ones.

They're like, ah, whatever the rest of this shit is.

The rest of it is just fucking Asia, I guess.

He's on that.

Okay,

well, there's that show he's on on Netflix that does.

The set is a convenience store.

A poo?

But he said.

So

he

he killed a poo.

But now he's on a show that

takes place in a fake convenience store.

What a fucking Hollywood is just filled with snakes.

You know?

Fakes.

Snakes and fakes.

Who's the fakest person in LA?

Take some shots, Brandon.

Donald Duck.

Yeah, Donald Duck is fake.

Donald Duck is fake as fuck.

Dude, I'm so bummed I didn't do no jumper podcast last time.

Yeah, that's like he DM'd me and he was like, I he's like, I just got into your stuff.

He's like, he's like, this shit is mad funny, bro.

What's his deal?

He's just only

like fucking on OnlyFans?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Adam 23.

Adam 22.

22.

What's the 22?

The victims.

Yeah, he did.

He caught a real case.

Did he?

Did he do something, though?

That was one of those ones.

That was a good one.

He had a blog.

He had a blog and he revealed that he

fucked an

underage girl or something.

Is that right?

Well, yeah, I don't know.

Maybe I'm miserable.

And I do want to network and link and build with him.

Also, like, I did it once when I was 23, and I was like,

sick, dude.

I will be in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah.

Tomorrow, Friday.

Yes.

February 3rd, and then February 4th.

I think the set is different from when I did Charlie Goodnights.

That's North Carolina, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think the set's different.

I can't be sure.

I don't remember the shows, but please come out.

I will be

able to come say hi.

You know?

I will be also at the Pittsburgh Improv tomorrow, the 3rd, and Saturday the 4th, this weekend with Caleb, the aforementioned Caleb Pitts.

I'm going to be

dog sitting at yours this weekend.

But if you live in Seattle, I'm going to be at Laugh's Comedy Club for shows in March.

That's a weird name for a comedy club.

Laughs.

That's weird.

That's weird of them.

Why the fuck do they do that?

I know.

Oh,

Laughs.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What did you think, guys?

No, I thought it was Laughs, but then I forgot that that's what you're doing.

That's what you do at the comedy club?

Well, I guess I'm in this new thing now.

It's just like, you know, I don't really do comedy anymore.

It's mostly I just sort of talk about Hunter Biden

in the backseat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And there's a lot of like

yee-haw.

Oh, it's like a southern.

Good old boy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's just a lot of guys.

Cowboys.

That's who comes out to the shows.

You can get him on, right?

Hunter?

Hunter?

I really want him to.

But he only talks about the art.

Yeah.

If you just have him only talk about the art.

I got to see his art.

I still haven't seen any of the paintings.

Is the exhibit still up?

Is exhibit alive?

Yeah.

He should open a comedy club.

There we go.

That would be great.

It's called Pimp My Laughter.

Do you remember Extreme Make?

He was on Extreme Make over.

Car Edition?

Home Edition.

Home Edition, but there was a season where Exhibit was on it.

And I only remember this because there was a, you know, it's always like a family that's in need.

The kid's going through something health-wise or something, you know.

And

the kid was in a wheelchair and he pimped the kid's wheelchair.

Wow.

It's pretty cool.

Is it cool?

I wonder if the video exists.

What do you get?

Subwoofers?

Yeah, GameCube

of Fish Tank.

The audio guy on Pimp My Ride was like, always Mexican.

You think Pimp My Ride would get canceled today if it came out?

You could never do this.

You could never put a GameCube in a gas car these days.

Well, because, yeah, gas.

And then also

the implication that you're sex trafficking the car.

Oh, pimp.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're turning your

sex worker in my car.

Yeah.

Sex worker in my ride.

Well, you have to call it beautiful Indian, beautiful, fat Indian lady, my car.

Powerful, polyamorous, beautiful, fat Indian lady, my car.

Objectively beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Regardless of what anyone says.

My car.

What was that?

Wait, can you talk about that tweet?

Were you a reference?

No.

No, no, you can't.

Okay, you can't.

But there's a good one, guys.

Yeah, but there's a good one.

It's oh man.

Yeah, that one's for us.

That one's for us, guys.

Yeah.

Maybe I should get more into YouTube stuff.

Yeah.

It's, but it's weird because from what I can tell, it's very dark and probably depressing just from.

What do you mean?

They're mad rich.

I don't know.

My YouTube knowledge peaks.

I swing back and forth rapidly between being

jealous of like

I had an impression of what I thought Hassan did

until very recently.

We're obsessed with Hassan.

I kind of am.

It's amazing what he's done.

Because I really don't pay attention.

He's listening right now.

No, he's not.

He loves you.

He loves Clumtown.

Does he?

I had no idea.

Hassan Piker?

Clumtown doesn't exist anymore, do you?

Oh, Tafts.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I thought Hassan was just Felix's friend.

You know, and I was friends with him, you know, whatever.

Okay, he wasn't my friend.

He's, you know, friend or whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I never consumed any of his content.

So, and I, like, I have no idea what, like, I created a Twitch account, I guess, when I got PlayStation 4 just because,

you know, like we did this show.

I'm like, oh, maybe we'll, I couldn't figure it out.

Yeah.

But I was under the impression that Hassan just plays video games.

That's what I thought for a long time.

And then, like, there's people in the comments that are like, hey, say Bernie Sanders.

And he's like, yeah, healthcare.

Like, here and there.

I had no idea that most of these Twitch streamers, there's no video games.

No, they talk.

They just sit there and they talk.

It's a lot of work.

He's in there candy necklace on

talking about...

Well,

he has an e-boy look.

He has an e-boy look.

But no, he just goes on.

He goes online for the most part and watches videos.

But there's a part of me that's like, you know, you got like an internal child.

There's an eight-year-old version of myself in my heart that is like, yeah, you could just get paid to play video games and sit at the computer all day.

And I'm like, wow.

Yeah.

That sounds awesome.

You can have ice cream whenever you want.

But as an adult, yeah, I know that this is fucking.

But he plays.

Does he play?

He plays games sometimes.

I think he would.

I don't know.

It's mostly just chatting.

I haven't.

Yeah.

What's crazy?

I saw this is more.

The chat goes so fast.

Yeah, I mean,

there's millions of overstimulated.

Truly, the Andrew Callahan stuff sucked me in because

I wouldn't even know.

If he hadn't been doing the show, I wouldn't know what the fucking thing is.

And then so like I, you know, I've been paying attention to it.

I guess there was another thing this week where some Twitch streamer got caught looking at pornography.

Deep fake pornography simulated Twitch streamers.

Something like that.

And then the lady's crying.

And then the, is it he, he?

Is it, is that how you pronounce it?

Or is it H33?

H3H3.

Ethan Klein.

Do you say he, he, or how do you?

I don't think.

Is that...

I think they say H3H3.

All right, anyways.

So Triple Triple H,

he's in trouble too.

But my intro.

What's H3H3 in trouble for?

Well, my introduction to it was I saw it's like on Twitter, like Hassan being forced to address this situation.

He's like, what Ethan did was deeply fucked up.

Did Ethan do it?

No, I don't know.

Because I remember Ethan addressing the Callahan stuff and sort of he did this thing where...

Well, it's all of this addressing going on constantly.

Yeah.

And then they're politicians.

It took forever.

I've seen Hassan address Ethan's addressing

of the other guy who just jacked off or looked that porn, got caught looking at by his wife.

And then I find that there you go.

And yeah, and then it's just this, it's a grown man crying on a video game show while his wife

sits there like his fucking mom and who's brought him into the principal's office to apologize to the teacher.

You know what I mean?

It's fucking insane.

And it's like, is this this

the life you want to be living?

I mean, you know,

I just have to be so

stressed out.

Well, there was.

We're stressed out.

This is stressful.

You have that kind of like immediate feedback.

It's Ethan Callahan.

You can go talk to me.

We're talking about the Callahan stuff.

And this is, somebody told me something that I thought was in confidence where they're like, yeah, I don't know.

Andrew's going through it right now.

He's in like a psych ward.

That's what they said.

And then Ethan's just saying this to the internet.

and I was like, Is that are you supposed to do that?

It seems like,

yeah, yeah, I don't know.

It doesn't seem like something that you would because these are all like

it in theory, these are all but I don't even

want to talk about the Callahan.

Why can't people do that?

Watch sports, there's

right.

Well, hold on,

yeah, yes, that's an answer.

The reason is because

from my understanding of someone that doesn't watch sports is 90% of professional athletes have died died from the vaccine in the last year.

No, it's not true.

Well, from what I've read is that they're all dead.

Where did you read that?

And you don't seen the thing now where they're saying that the Mar Hamlin

video is like, like they're saying it's like CGI.

With the guy that almost died?

Yeah, yeah.

So he made a video, and they're like, oh, the NFL cloned him.

It's a gentle pig.

Yeah, because, well, to these guys,

most, I guess, are conservatives or whatever.

They're dead for weeks.

They can't tell the difference between black people,

So they're like, this could be any black guy.

I'm supposed to know.

But they're going to, they're like zooming all the way in.

They're like, look at this ridge on his ear.

It's different in this picture.

And it's all just like angles and shadows.

Yeah.

No, it's wild stuff.

It's like, it reminds me of like during the 2016 campaign when there was, I found a video of a guy claiming that Hillary Clinton, she had like a second set of eyelids, like a lizard.

Oh, they said she was doing kooroo.

Yeah, she's doing kuru.

What's kuru?

I think like eating.

Eating children's diarrhea.

Yeah, smoking diarrhea.

Smoking that child diarrhea pack.

Yeah, she was getting lifted off that.

Yeah.

But I mean,

you know, I don't know.

Like, it's the Callahan thing, I guess it's whatever.

I mean, there's like, there's actual, there's like women saying, oh, he raped me, or whatever.

I don't think

that's not what he was.

He was asking for pussy.

I have no, I don't even know.

I don't give a shit.

I do not give a shit at all.

I don't know any of these people.

I don't care.

Right.

But this new guy, like, I don't understand

what, like, what.

So he looked at pornography, and it's like other Twitch streamers' faces have been photoshopped onto it.

Yeah.

And that's like.

Now there's people crying about it.

Was he watching this?

He was watching it publicly?

He was jacking off on Twitch stream.

He was like, guys, I'm going to tab away from Goat Simulator for a second so you can see me ejaculate out of my penis while making it crudely filmed.

I'm going to stroke my hard cock and watch my peers.

I'm going to watch my peers get dicked down while I stroke my hard cock.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, that seems, yeah, you shouldn't do that on Twitch.

Just the guy got caught by his wife beating off.

But is that what?

Yeah.

I think that's what it was.

And

it prompted him to do a public.

It is fun to just not look this up.

It is fun to just not fully know what I'm talking about.

Well, I watched the apology and it starts off.

And because, you know, it's Twitch stream, so there's like a schedule for everything.

So it's the first minute of the video, he's sitting there, and he's like,

I'm going to talk about it in 45 seconds.

No, we just got to get a couple more people in here.

I'm going to talk about it.

I just want to wait until we have.

Okay, yeah.

No, we're going to start.

I will talk about it.

It's just going to about

another 30 seconds.

And so they're doing like.

And his wife's there the whole time.

She's sitting there, like, handing him tissues.

Right.

Not to jack off.

Oh, my God.

Damn.

Yeah,

that's no good.

Yeah, and it's like, I don't believe, like, look, whatever.

Maybe the woman

who he jacked off to, she might be upset.

His wife's upset.

But I don't understand any kind of third-party, like,

like, how you watch that and you're like,

this creates any emotion in you other than just gawking.

No way to live.

Just gawking at

an obscene display of inappropriate emotions across the board.

Yeah.

And it's like...

What a nightmare.

Yeah.

What a fucking mess.

Well, it's literally, it's like too retarded for Bravo.

If you pitch that show to Bravo, it's like, yeah, it's a man that got caught jacking off by his wife, and then she yells at him.

And they'd be like, nah, we're going to stick with gay people not being able to run a restaurant.

That's what that will do that.

Or rich women trying to spending 10 weeks figuring out how to buy a couch or whatever, whatever they put on there.

Yeah.

Damn.

I don't know.

I'm also just like depressed.

So everything I see, I like

just project all of this like,

you know, emotional weight to her.

Like, what does this say about society?

And then it's like, oh, yeah, I want to kill myself.

Just because I haven't picked up my laundry yet.

I'm too sad.

No, I mean, I totally get what you're saying, though.

I don't even know what I'm saying.

I don't know if I'm saying anything.

No, this is.

No, it's just like it is, it's

so like cannibalistic.

And it's also an audience feeling like they have ownership.

Well, it just feels like very navel-gazy and like just sort of just

unpacking somebody what it is unpacking something else what it is i mean i guess we're kind of doing it right now yeah it's just interesting i mean like but what it is is that they the audience feels like they are owed an explanation you know right like and that that they

i guess because it's their livelihood like they feel like they have to apologize

to you know whatever the losers that watch them play stardew valley or whatever yeah

but yeah It's also, I don't understand what deep fake porn is.

You can just make it look really

good.

You could do that, though, already.

Like, Photoshop already had that ability.

Like, fake nudes were already a thing.

Well, those weren't deep fakes.

I used to watch

what makes the video act.

Because I think it's like moving and it's

really good.

It looks really good.

I always see the ads come up.

I've been watching

for years of Lois Griffin.

I mean, I'll tell you hers.

Oh, those are real.

I'll tell you this.

Those are real.

These are real.

This is not a unique observation, but it is wild that because it's like, I feel like, you know, all this shit like creeps up.

Yeah.

Like, while at the same time, we've got this, you know,

first and foremost, the laptop thing.

Yeah.

But then also, like, we find out every

fucking politician had sex with children and was videotaped doing it in Epstein's house.

So it's like, I don't know.

If that fucking levee breaks,

and then they just, like, now everybody knows what deepfakes are and now you just but yeah you just keep going yeah well because well no you don't keep going it's like oh you just oh this clearly it's a deep fake now you can just write off oh i see because now everybody knows what deepfakes is as if it's just a new like pervasive thing where the idea of like

yeah so no one believes any because if you just said it was cgi like they like there's there's like the cia spends a lot of time coming up with words like in messaging you know they did like that's it's all just the Marketing department.

So, like, it's all Jewish girls.

There's a reason autodidact was their idea.

Yeah, that was their idea.

Conspiracy theorists was their idea.

Yeah, that makes sense.

You know, they like come up with this thing to frame deep fake as something different than just doctored videos.

Right.

You know, or something.

Like, it has to be this additional thing, even though I don't.

And look, I'm an idiot.

I haven't looked into this at all, and I don't care.

But I like, I like,

how is it functionally different than literally just like CIA or like CGI video that's existed?

What makes it like quote-unquote deep fake?

Because it looks better, I think.

It's just like a new term.

Because it just seems...

Oh, yeah, but I mean the difference between like a photoshopped nude of a when when you would go online and it would be like Jennifer Anison's face photoshopped onto like some bitch with like bolt-ons.

Yeah, yeah.

Like that's different than like a deep fake video of, like, oh, this woman's in motion, and it looks like.

I think it's cool.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

You can see anyone smashed?

Anyone you can imagine?

You can just pick a name?

Yeah.

That's great.

I'm going to pick Brandon's mom.

No.

Joey and fucking Chandler from Friends.

Oh, my God.

Having gay sex?

What?

While watching Baywatch.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, I'm watching.

Dude, if I watch that, I'm jacking off to Baywatch in the background.

That's so sick.

Yeah, hell no.

There's a lot of action on that show.

You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I don't know.

That whole world is just,

yeah, the Twitch world.

It's just.

Yeah, I've never really.

It almost

in itself, it's sort of like a deep fake.

Because there's this veneer of this idea.

Like, the intention, the idea behind everything on the internet, the internet's been an abject failure.

It fucking completely.

There's not a single stated goal as to what the internet should have been.

Wikipedia is cool.

Not really.

Yeah, it's really cool.

Wikipedia is awesome.

I give them money.

No, because it's a good thing.

I do.

All right.

Yeah, yeah.

I feel like I get so much from them.

Yeah.

I get to act like I know about shit and not really even know about it.

It's awesome.

You can do that without Wikipedia.

But go ahead.

Sorry, I cut you off now.

No, I'm just saying.

It's like the idea of Twitch is like, yeah, play video games

you know, people will watch and they'll be like, I like this video game also.

And in what, a span of five years?

How long has Twitch even been around?

Now it's this thing that's owned by Amazon.

Right.

And it's just

another place to just steal all your data.

And then the pinnacle of Twitch is people raping each other and crying on camera about it.

There's no, there's no, the video games aren't happening anymore.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Who's is yeah, are any of the none of the biggest Twitch users are gamers anymore, right?

Yeah,

I thought it was because it was at one point just like people playing Rocket League, and you'd be like, that's they're good at games, they're good.

No, everything, everything on the internet is Santa Claus.

It's like something that you have this childlike idea of be like, yeah, like Wikipedia, it's an encyclopedia, anyone can edit, and we can have all this, you know, and then, of course, it's just controlled by the fucking FDBI and, you know, it's

no, literally, it's just, it's now, it's, now there's this thing also saying that initially when it came out, it's like, oh, well, you can't trust this because everyone can edit it.

And now it's the definitive, you know, like source for information.

Yeah.

And it's highly controlled.

They can lock articles.

Things lock like immediately.

Yeah.

We got to get deep fake technology for the talk show.

Yeah.

So you can just like fuck.

Oh, I have Donald Trump this week.

Or even better, we just cast someone as Adam.

We put his face on it.

Likewise with me.

And then we pay them 500 bucks a month.

Me and him.

fucking hike.

We're on a beach.

Yeah, they're a big deal.

Drinking a damn Corona.

We work so hard.

Anyways, to say that it's Santa Claus, it's this idea of this kind of wholesome thing.

And then not only is it not real, it's actually just like a guy on the sex offender registry that couldn't get a job.

And so now he's at the mall getting hard in red sweatpants.

Who is?

What do you mean?

Santa Claus.

Oh, Santa Claus.

Did I ever tell you that thing about Santa?

He's real.

Really?

When I was a child, I went to my grandparents' house and they had hired a Santa to show up.

You're molested?

And I wasn't molested by the Santa, but the Santa showed up, and it was like a black Santa.

And I had seen a white Santa earlier that day elsewhere.

You're racist.

And I got confused.

No, I was being very nice, but sort of to the side to my mom, I was like, all right, so what's going on?

Like,

what's going on here?

And my mom told me that Santa had the power to change races.

That's very funny.

That power, that's only a good power to have if you're black.

That's not a power if you're a white guy.

You know what I mean?

No, no.

You bought it, though?

I believed it.

You're like, well, that settles that.

He has the power to go to that many houses.

It would be great if Santa was just doing it at the end of sentences to drop soft AN words.

He was white and he's like,

he's like, how y'all boop doing?

But just boop.

Just for the word.

Just for a second.

Yeah.

That would be the coolest act.

And then it's back to business.

And then it's back to white business.

That X-Men would be working with Magneto for sure.

He's a special man.

He has special powers.

Yeah.

It doesn't, it's not that crazy that I believe that.

No, you're not.

If you're buying into the idea of Santa Claus,

the Santa Claus HBO, Santa Claus Camp, HBO documentary.

What's that?

There's a Santa Claus camp.

They shot a, maybe it's an Amazon documentary.

It's not very good, but they shot a documentary about this camp to train Santa Clauses.

And it's in New England somewhere.

And so it's all these New England Santa.

Like malls.

Yeah, they're like, yeah, I love being fucking Santa Claus.

It's like I love

seeing the fucking look on the kids' fucking faces when they

sit up there on your knee.

They couldn't be any fucking happier.

But it's these old white guys.

And then, so in the documentary, it's like they're sending, they have a mentally disabled Santa Claus, like a guy with like some sort of, I think he might have spina bifida, which I thought was just a physical disability, but he has like some kind of intellectual disability.

So he goes to the camp and his mom brings him there.

And I hated the mom, by the way.

And then

you really have to do a close read on this movie.

Vibes.

Yeah, it barely comes through, but you can tell it's like,

you know, she just

sort of presents her son.

It's like she doesn't seem, she's like, and whatever.

It must be hard to, you know.

Oh, the kid.

I thought you were talking about a Santa.

The kid is a Santa.

Well, he's a grown man, but he's, you know.

Oh, but his grown mom, like, is a grown Santa.

Well, he's a grown man.

He's obsessed with Santa Claus.

Yeah.

He goes to the Santa Claus camp.

His story is the only nice one.

Because then they have a black Santa Claus from Arkansas.

And he's just, he loves Santa.

He loves Santa.

He puts Santa, black Santa stuff up on his own.

It's Arkansas.

So he gets like, he gets a racist letter.

And he brings it to the camp.

And he shows it, and they burn it.

But then it's like these old white guys that are just terrified of saying the wrong thing.

You know, because, first of all, they're fucking

like you'd remove these other minorities and you would say, okay, these are grown men that think they're Santa Claus.

that's

not necessarily an intellectual disability but you would feel like oh I have to be delicate around this simpleton yeah you know what I mean right but uh uh then they also have a trans Santa and the trans Santa has like a lesbian girlfriend and so now we're talking I think it's an FTM trans Santa okay but they go to the camp and they're just like they're lecturing the fucking other Santa Claus and talking about like she's like I was about to go off when he said this clauses doesn't have a job or something I don't you know

but

I don't even know why I brought it up yeah the the intellectually disabled man they they he eventually gets to participate in a Christmas parade and over the moon about it so it's that part's nice that sounds nice the trans Santa ends up going like doing some event at a church oh no and they could not be any more uncomfortable around the kids the kid is not even anywhere close to them yeah and the kid is just saying to the trans Santa, like, thank you for so much for doing this because it means a lot for representation.

At a church.

Is it like an Episcopalian church?

It's like a woke church.

It's like a woke church.

And the proud boys are there protesting.

Well,

it sounds like a Tucker story.

Yeah.

I mean, but the kids there, and it's like, this isn't like a Santa event.

And it's not because you're trans.

It's because you hate children.

Like, this has nothing to do.

Like, it's just...

Yeah.

So the kids sitting there and they're like, yeah, thank you so much for being

like, first of all, like

they're not children, so they're like 13, like 12 or 13 or something.

I find it hard to believe that you have you're able to like grasp the concept of gender and it being something fluid, and you also believe in Santa Claus, you know what I mean?

It happens,

so it's not like these children believe they're reading Santa Claus, they're just like

doing it for this like fucking like Tumblr moment, and then the trans trans Santa Claus is like, yeah, thank you so much for saying that.

That's it.

That's it.

So they're like, the conceit is that they know it's a fake Santa.

Yeah.

So why would they even go see Santa Claus?

They have no idea.

That's what it is.

It's so stupid.

I just don't understand anything anymore.

Yeah.

Bunch of nonsense.

Well, because you can't say anything about it because then people think you're protesting the idea of a trans person wanting to be Santa Claus.

No, I think that they.

Which that's fine.

Fine.

Do it.

Go ahead.

Be trans, beat whoever the fuck you want and go do it.

But it's like the

main thing is that you should be like trying to lie to a child and make them think you're a trans.

Yeah, you're supposed to be acting like you're the real Santa.

You're a mythical creature that brings presence to them.

You're a Chuck E.

Cheese character.

Right.

You know, it's like they wouldn't do trans Chuck E.

Cheese and they're like, well, I'm not doing it.

I'm not wearing the mouse costume.

They're doing it.

They're in the costume.

They could do it.

Yeah, they could be in there, but you wouldn't.

They're like, oh, I'm not wearing the costume.

I'm coming out.

It's just me.

I'm holding a piece of cheese.

And then I talked to a 13-year-old

fucking gender affirmation.

Like, did he not...

What did he look like as Santa?

Oh, he looked good the suit on.

Otherwise, the...

Oh, he looked at him.

I can't remember.

Yeah.

Yeah, he looked good.

He looked good.

He looked good.

Oh, he looked good.

He's a smoke.

Oh, he's an absolute smoke.

Yeah, but I mean, you watch it and you think there's there's going to be some moment where these people find some commonality in being Santa Claus, and it just never happens.

What's the crux of the doc?

Like, at the end, like, what did you walk away with?

I don't know.

I think this,

if I'm a...

What did you walk away with?

Nothing.

Other than good for

Finn, the disabled Santa Claus.

It could have just been that.

I don't know why they had all this other shit in there.

But the fucking, the, yeah, you know, you expect that it's like, oh, these people are different.

But through the power of Santa, they come together, and it's like,

sort of the black guy seems out to lunch the whole time.

I mean, he's like,

I don't know what he's doing there.

They barely show him.

And then it's mostly the trans lady and her girlfriend getting mad at the Santa Clauses for fucking like holding a door for the girlfriend.

Just these minor fucking.

At one point, the fucking the trans Santa Claus, like not the trans,

one of the old white guys, he goes up to the black guy and he's like, yeah, I just wanted to, I forget what he says, but it's the most benign, fucking innocuous thing in the world.

You know, he's like, You know, it's, I'm glad you're here because you know, it's like to experience something different.

He's like,

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

He's like,

You know, they just like, yeah, they're just terrified, yeah, they're just so nervous, yeah, yeah, it's so funny, yeah.

But it's also like, what's gonna happen?

You're gonna get fired from being Santa Claus.

There's five of you, yeah.

Also, they're paying to be there, yeah, at a campaign.

Well, yeah, I guess being a Santa is one of the most expendable jobs.

You can get...

It's seasonal.

It's so easy to get...

Well, not only is it seasonal, but it's so easy to get cut.

Nobody's like...

That was my problem with it.

It's like,

it's lacking the magic of Santa, but it's also just lacking the magic of regular human connection.

It doesn't seem to exist.

Like, the entire thing, you watch it, and it looks like online interactions between people that fail to have any kind of even just basic connection with each other.

Yeah.

There's no actual real emotion in the thing

other than, like,

you know, I mean, who's not going to feel good watching a disabled guy get to be Santa Claus?

That's beautiful.

That's it.

But that's honestly, it's just radio.

You know what I mean?

That's easy sentimentality points.

Yeah.

But yeah, there's nothing that,

yeah, they don't.

This is like a failure to launch.

There's no heart

in any of these.

So then it's like, yeah, it just makes Santa seem kind of depressing.

Right.

Like Twitch.

Oh, there we go.

Oh.

Wow.

Nice bow on it.

Tie that up with a Christmas bow.

Brandon,

you want to promote your new project?

Well, this is the new

pod.

Yes.

Old pod ending

me and Jamel.

New pod.

Me and Jamel, Newpod.

Black Santa himself, Jamal Jones.

Straight up.

Yeah.

He would be such a a good Santa.

He'd be a killer.

He had to.

Do you know what the deal is with this comedian getting caught jacking off the guy that had a show with Jamel?

I wouldn't mention.

Oh,

you told me he tried to cancel you from Jamal's.

Oh, brother.

Dude, actually, I got a.

I did kind of get, and I never the LA guy.

Yeah,

Mike Malone.

I never enjoy this kind of thing usually,

but

there was some kind of like vulture article where they were like, we we asked 10 comedians what they would do if Louis C.K.

tried to do a set on their show.

Yeah.

And

he ran a weekly show in L.A.

And they asked him about it.

And he was like, Louis C.K.

can kiss my grits and peel my potatoes.

Yeah, yeah.

And I caught that.

It's like a whole paragraph about him like.

It is very funny to go after Louis C.K.

particularly who got in trouble for jacking off on the phone and then do literally the exact

updated for 2022

with FaceTime.

With FaceTime.

And yeah, I wouldn't mention it at all.

I just, you know, I know you're in L.A.

No, I don't know.

I don't really know him, though.

I don't know.

I had no idea who he was.

But then Adam told me that they ran a show and he tried to get Adam unbooked from the show.

I don't know about booking white supremacist Adam Friedland.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alt-right comedian Adam Friedland on the show.

Then I FaceTimed him.

He beat off it.

And then like you're cool you're cool yeah you're vetted yeah yeah I mean

yeah that was nobody nobody really has who else is only only one guy is other guy has done that right

what beat it well I don't know no no you're the only two comedians that have done it the no the the thing where the red-haired guys from Boston

no I not not beating off but uh just just being like don't book Adam he's dangerous he's nasty he didn't say don't book but he's like I don't know I don't know I don't know.

Well, because, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I'm sure.

I don't know.

We don't have to talk about Drake.

But he did.

There was like who?

Yeah, Drake.

Drake Flores.

Drake Flores.

Drake Flores.

Who?

Yeah, sorry.

Doctor Who?

Yeah, there was that flyer, and he was like, oh, that guy.

I don't know if you know this.

Adam's a bad guy.

Who said it?

Drake Flores.

Oh, Flores, yeah.

I've been reading books about capitalism.

He's a big question, Mar.

I'm just memory only.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, that's, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, no.

You did the thread already.

That was good.

That was nice.

Hey, thanks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The only reason I don't get booked is because of capitalism.

Is that how Drake talks?

Kind of.

You're doing like Martin Amini now.

Well, Martin doesn't sound like that.

My name is Martin Amini.

And I got a TDP.

I got a TDP.

My name is Martin Martin Amini, and I got a teeny peenie.

Guy, my teeny, honestly.

My peenie is TD.

My Peeny is TD.

Yeah.

I was saying that once.

Oh,

I had that stuck in my head.

Martin Amini, my penium.

Martin Amini, and my peenie is teeny.

Great guy.

Great guy.

No, yeah, he's a nice guy.

He's a really nice guy.

Amini just sounds like Peeny is TD.

The rhyme is Teeny.

He's a nice guy.

And, you know, he's a...

He's like a talent.

But

he probably has a big dick.

He loves to...

He's got a hog.

He's one of these guys that like...

I always feel weird when I do a show and there's like just some DJ in the back who's like not laughing.

Yeah.

He does these shows where there will be a DJ in the back who's just kind of like

just there the whole time.

Which always I don't I never like I never like when there's just a DJ there that's like not laughing.

Yeah, I'm not invited to those shows very often.

Brandon, do a better job of, So, Brandon's podcast is ending.

Yes.

But a new podcast is starting.

Yes.

March 1st, me and Jamel will be posting our, we'll be launching

a new podcast.

And if you subscribe to Yabbat Still, it will be rolled over.

If you like your podcast, you can keep it.

Stay in line.

Yes.

And friend of the show, Jamal Johnson.

Jamel Johnson, a man we've known and loved.

Known and loved for so many years.

One of my oldest friends.

Yeah, it's going to be

fun.

Yeah, I mean, you guys know Jamel.

He's a benz.

He's our boy.

You know?

I mean, I was talking to them.

Oh, yeah.

The viewer.

Yeah, friend of the show.

Yeah, not you guys.

I wasn't like, you know, Jamel.

Yeah.

What's that?

Are you, you gotta go?

Hungry.

Yeah, I'm hungry.

We should get a delicious supper.

We're worth 56 minutes.

All right, let's do it.

Four more minutes.

Do you want to end it now?

No, no, no.

I just asked you for that.

We're cooking.

I'm having a good time.

We're cooking.

I'm having a blast.

I'm having a great time.

But I am also hungry.

I would love to eat

a delicious supper.

I don't know what to open.

I want the audience.

I want you to, you probably get mad

at the stuff we said.

We hear you.

You don't understand Twitch or you don't understand YouTube.

You don't understand Twitch.

We hear you.

Instead of getting mad, why don't you try to fix these things?

I don't want to take Trans Santa Claus away from you.

I don't want to take Twitch streamers raping each other away from you.

But just find the heart in it.

You know what I mean?

Find a way.

Think about like,

if I'm going to make a video crying with my wife, apologizing for jacking off the DP.

I can't wait to do that.

How can I do this in a way that makes a four-year-old feel like there's a little magic left in the world?

Yeah.

Because we need something other than these Marvel movies.

Right.

I'm not watching them.

Yeah.

No.

We need to inspire people.

That's the point.

And I feel like we've inspired a lot of people over the years.

Yeah.

And touched people's lives.

Look, you know me.

My biggest influence, Sassy Street.

Easy.

Nick's like addicted to Sassy Street.

I love it.

Wait, what's the...

Wait, you had something early.

You did something about Elmo's dad, right?

Hmm?

Didn't you do something about Elmo's dad?

Oh, his dad's a loser.

Yeah.

His dad's a chump.

He's just fucking Nash over.

I hate Elmo's dad.

You hate Elmo's dad?

He's his fucking Nash.

He lives in Nashville.

Yeah.

He's like, I'm going to sing a song about Elmo.

Just fucking absolute piece of shit.

He just came in some fucking red piece of frame.

Because Elmo lives alone.

Elmo lives in Brooklyn.

Yeah.

Three years old.

Yeah.

And that piece.

So he's four.

Yeah, he's four.

Four, sorry.

That piece of crap did not stay around

for his childhood.

And so he's four.

He lives alone.

He lives alone in a house drawn out of cranes.

Yeah.

It's drawn.

His dad's just trying to start get the band up and running.

He had to draw his own house.

Poor yeah.

It breaks my heart.

Yeah.

No, but he's a good guy.

Telly's a great guy.

Who's Telly?

Telly's, you know,

he's a loser, but he's more of a.

He's a big boy.

He's a big boy.

Yeah, he's sort of like a Jack Lemmon style.

Yeah.

He's like a depression-era alcoholic.

He's addicted to milk.

You know, and he just.

Who's the other one?

I'm like Telly.

He just doesn't understand the world.

So he's

trying to get drunk or hoping that'll help.

Yeah, Oscar,

Glad He Lives Outside, piece of shit.

Fucking asshole.

This motherfucker pretending like he watches SME shows.

Yeah, hell no.

Who's Telly?

And then he's like, oh,

here's my opinion.

I read Wikipedia.

Which you can't do.

It's all just fucking FBI.

Okay, why don't we just go to the Clinton?

We'll ring up the Hillary Clinton campaign headquarters and ask them who Telly is because that's what you're getting on fucking Wikipedia.

You want to know?

Watch the show.

Yeah.

Go to the source.

He'll tell you.

Yeah.

It's right there.

You go to Sesame Street.

Have you been?

I'll tell you how to get there.

Dude,

how do you?

I can tell you how to get the Sesame Street.

How?

You got to watch all 45 seasons of it.

Are they still dropping new apps?

Yeah, on HBO.

Yeah.

HBO.

Premium cable.

That was like a family guy joke like 20 years ago.

Oh, that was like sexy and violent?

It was Sesame Street on HBO.

Oh, and then Peter Real.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, yeah.

Today's episode is brought to you by the letter H for homicide.

It's like homicide life on Sesame Street.

Oh, that's funny.

And Bert and Ernie are in bed together and they're gay.

That's funny.

And fucking like, Bert's like, some fucking guy blew his head off downtown.

He's getting out of bed.

And he's like, what are these crumbs?

How many times do I got to tell you, Ernie, to stop eating cookies in the goddamn bed?

Good.

No, it's hilarious.

I mean, that's our original run, Family Guy, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, which is really good.

It's a great show.

Yeah, there was a season two Family Guy on the other day, and I was cracking up.

It's really, it's so funny.

I'm going to say, you go on to where they got to see Lois and Meg.

They got to replace

it.

They got to replace the voices on Rick and Morty.

They should use one fan.

They should just use it.

Work their way down from the biggest fan.

to the guy that hates Rick and Morty the most.

The show should be on for thousands of years.

That would be amazing.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, the.

Oh, the Justin Royland DMs are the one with the 16-year-old girl where he's like...

Drunk?

He's like, I'm Atlanta drunk.

And he's doing like Chinese guy jokes.

Yeah.

Where he's...

She's like, FML, I have school tomorrow.

And he was like, oh, it's so rate.

Like he said,

it's so rape.

I have school tomorrow.

Tomalo.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's pretty funny.

Is she Chinese or he was just...

No, no, he was just

a white.

I mean, honestly, you're describing literally every text I ever sent.

But they're all

the children.

And he keeps being like, oh, my God, you are such a jailbait.

Oh, you are a jailbait, and I want to fuck you.

You are 16 years old, and I am...

40-something

Justin Royland, creator of Rick and Morty, and I want to fuck you.

It's a good show.

But it's illegal.

He said that?

Ostensibly.

Oh, damn.

Yeah.

That's wild.

Yeah.

Sounds like Rick got a little too morty.

Yeah.

She rick on my morty.

I just don't know how to do that one.

Yeah, she rick on my morty.

Until I do that.

Until I get some Rick and Morty.

Woo.

All right, let's get some supper, boy.

All right.

Yeah, we can get food.

All right, guys.

Bye.

Love you.

New episode next week on patreon.com slash tabs.

Yes, thanks for listening.

Bye.

It's time to head back to school and forward to your future with Carrington College.

For over 55 years, we've helped train the next generation of healthcare professionals.

Apply now to get hands-on training from teachers with real-world experience.

And as few as nine months, you could start making a difference in healthcare.

Classes start soon soon in Pleasant Hill, San Leandro, and San Jose.

Visit Carrington.edu to see what's next for you.

Visit carrington.edu slash SCI for information on program outcomes.