Ep. 312 – cum town TNG

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I'm like 23-year-old.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a fucking freshman amazing year.

Yeah.

We're talking about the body that I buried this weekend.

Anyway, guys.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to Come Town.

Okay, you're saying it.

You're saying it.

This is Ian Fidance.

Come Town 2.0.

You're fucking saying it.

With the stars, Mike Racine, Ian Fidance.

And Adam Freeland.

And on the board, our favorite number one intern, Adam Freelance.

Now, you're going to try to come in here, try to throw your fucking weight around.

Oh, I'm gonna go.

Okay, listen.

Welcome to my show.

This is the Adam Show.

The Adam Show, starring Mike and Ian.

Disrespecting my ass in my own home.

Guys, this is a very special episode.

Nick has a medical crisis.

Sav is out of town.

I saw Nick's medical crisis.

Dude, it is pretty fucked up.

Eye-opening.

Yeah, it is.

Nick's got a really bad eye infection.

What happened to his eye?

I don't fucking know, but you know, he was trying to treat it with

yelling about the vaccine.

He thought that would get his eye out.

Maybe his conjunctivitis, like Jason Alexander and Shallow Hal.

I'm not sure about that, but we're praying for the kid right now.

I think he'll be back out on that field.

So for this week's regular episode, we have ad commitments.

I've never heard more banning in your voice before.

I was like, yeah, let's show some Friday.

You're like, we got to do it because of the ads.

No, I'm chilling.

We got the Fat Man out, and we got the fucking gay man out, and it's the Adam Show.

We got a new gay man.

That's right.

His name is Mike Racine.

Yeah.

So, no, no.

So, you guys are

thankfully filled in for us.

It's going to be.

It's going to be a fun experiment this week.

We're going to talk.

We're not going to make it.

The listeners are really mad right now.

Oh, my God.

Can you imagine the guy who's broken something already?

Yeah.

What the fuck is this?

I think change is good.

This is dishonorable.

Yeah, yeah.

They've dishonored me.

Nick should fight through his injuries.

What the fuck?

He's dead.

He's gonna die.

I hope he dies.

Anyway, guys, Nick.

Yeah, I don't have any respect for any of them.

Why not?

For Nick or Stop.

Oh, Nick or Stop.

Yeah.

I think this is good.

A breath of fresh air.

We're hanging out.

It's the Adam Show starring Mike and Ian.

Yes.

With your host, Ian Fidance.

Yeah, exactly.

With your host, Ian Fidance.

You got intern Adam on the boards.

Intern Adam.

I'm making coffees.

These boys came over to my apartment.

I really appreciate it.

Dude.

But we also thank you.

I rode my bike.

We got a fucking deal, a COVID deal, me and my girlfriend.

And we were lucky enough to have it.

And then the podcast is going to end.

I'm going to have to probably go into the streets pretty soon.

No, no.

You didn't save any money?

No, I haven't.

Basically, I bought a lot of those Bored Ape Yacht Clubs.

Shut up.

Yeah.

I pretty much put all my savings into those.

And this last week has been hell for me.

So hopefully,

you know, hopefully someone will find out that those are the board apes that were once owned by the gay guy from Cometown.

And that'll add a little bit of value.

That'll really get my ass off the hook.

But I appreciate you guys being here.

I know we keep saying this.

And that is three minutes and 30 seconds of the podcast.

So far, it's like

good.

I think we can do at least 22.

I think at least, yeah.

Well, as long as we get those ads out,

I mean, they're not ads.

They're products that

we know and use, and we like to talk about on the show.

Not yet, Ian.

Not yet.

It's the Adams show.

Okay.

Is it Mochi Donuts from Winson Bakery?

Winson Bakery.

I love them.

Mantras and Graham.

No, no, no, no.

Come on.

They're not paying.

We have talked about those Mochi Donuts before.

And that is, if you want to find Ian, you can find him there.

Because you're oftentimes like, I ran into you there once.

Yes.

Myself.

Yes.

And I said, how you doing, pal?

And you're like, not

why don't people just reload that?

Yeah, I was in a bad spot.

Yeah, but you're doing a lot better now.

Doing a lot better.

Prayer works.

Prayer works.

Have you given yourself to God?

Always.

Every day.

My cat was incredibly sick, diarrhea everywhere.

They found something in his belly, which was part of a plastic bag that i saw him eat he had diarrhea wouldn't stop we thought he needed surgery said a prayer to the man upstairs really doesn't need surgery look at that and who's that man upstairs who's your neighbor my landlord

a gusto okay pretty good and

the bag he chewed

i will give you

Five American dollars if you can guess what was inside that bag.

It was the gram of cocaine that we were going to relapse on.

Adam, please.

Jesus.

He just keeps it like in his on his coffee table.

My grandfather had a cigarette.

He stares at it all.

A cigarette in a glass case that said break in case of emergency.

After he stopped smoking.

A cigarette with one match.

Isn't that great?

That's so sick.

I love

that movie Flight where Denzel

stops drinking after the plane crash.

And then everything goes wrong.

And he just goes to the fucking liquor store, and he gets a plastic jug of vodka, and he just goes in the car and chugs.

Crystal Palace, baby.

It is the best acting of all time.

$11.99, half gallon.

What's up?

Was that yours?

Your...

Rock gut vodka, baby.

That was yours, your drink of choice.

Yeah,

we used to drink majorska in high school.

That was key word, ska.

Majorska.

Oh, the style of music that Ian is into.

Yes.

Okay.

Shout out, Cap White.

All right.

Check him out.

And Mike, you also have a new podcast coming out.

You didn't want to hear it?

No, I thought we were guessing.

Oh, shut up, Ian.

Shut the fuck up.

What?

No, I'm just kidding.

Let's guess the bag.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's in the bag?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay, take a second.

Wait, we're supposed to guess something that was in a plastic bag?

Yeah, it was in like one of those black bags that you get from, you know, like a New York store.

Oh, it's poppers.

So, okay, your guess is poppers.

Definitely poppers.

My guess is also poppers.

I will say, Adam, you are close.

You're warm.

Adam is warm.

Mike, next guess.

It's pretty cool though when there's a couple delis in the city that like they'll give you the plastic bag.

They like don't give a fuck.

Oh, yeah.

That's fine.

They're like, yeah, fuck you,

Eric Adams.

Yeah.

They don't care.

And those same spots give you cigarette discounts if you go, it's from Virginia.

And I got a guy at the street that I go, can I get a fun pack?

And he gives me the discount.

All right, that's pretty cool.

What was in the bag?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to say probably like sour straws.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Think adjacent.

So it's some kind of gay, it's some kind of like homosexual product.

It could be.

Yeah.

It's some kind of product for your ass.

It is a product.

It's some kind of product for your ass.

It is a product that a man or a woman could use for their ass.

Hopper's adjacent.

It was a good idea.

So it's something to loosen one's ass.

So it was a butt plug of some sort.

Hopper's adjacent.

A butt plug.

It was a butt plug.

Wow.

All right, Adam.

How would we marry that?

Did it have like a.

Why would you say you guys will never guess what was in that bag?

Yeah, it took two guesses.

It took two years.

It took me grooming you to get there.

Oh, you didn't groom me.

I'm busy grooming others.

You just bought a butt plug at a bodega?

I don't need this, dude.

No, no, no.

You know, there's certain bodegas where they have a snack.

They're in the bodegas.

Yes, in the back plan.

Things you can put in

your ass.

That's pretty cool.

Wait, so, okay, so you bought this butt plug for your girlfriend's ass at a deli.

I didn't say for

your ass.

I don't know.

Oh, so you could get...

Or it could be a friend's ass.

So you could have anal pleasure while you're

closing your eyes during heterosexual sex.

For the cat.

Why do you think he got the diarrhea?

It's insane, all sugar.

Wait, how much do you have a podcast?

So the cat.

Wait, but shut up.

So the cat digested the sex toy.

No, no, no.

The cat had the plastic.

We put him in the bathroom and he was just getting like paw prints.

So it was just like constant cleaning.

See, that's the worst because

I have a 15-year-old dog.

And when they, I don't mind when he shits on the floor, but when he tracks it all over the house,

I want to, like, yeah.

I don't know.

I want to just walk up to my wife and shoot myself in the head in front of her.

Have you ever, I mean, you can bathe a dog, fine, but bathing a cat.

Wow.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

I will say, you put a towel on the bathtub floor.

We're really hitting all the tough issues right now on the podcast.

So anyway, we're in week seven.

Isn't there a term called two dogs in a bathtub?

It's like when you try to put your balls in a lady's, yeah, in a ladies.

I thought that was called two in the trunk.

I thought it was called two dogs in a two end tub because it's hard to get two dogs in a bathtub.

I believe that was called, we've discussed.

I guess you could say it's rough.

No, pause.

You could say it's rough.

Yeah, no, it's pause.

Play, pause.

Pause, pause.

T-A-W-S.

That was a great, that was a good tag.

Is this on track for you enough, Adam?

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, are we hitting the tough issues?

Yeah, what do you want?

Adam's looking at the budget.

Let's talk about white supremacy.

Okay, so no, we are in week 14 of the Amber Heard and Johnny Beck trial.

Are you for real?

We're having fun talking about the budget.

The listeners want to hear about it.

Whose side are you on?

I'm going Amber.

I'm on the side of funny.

Let's keep talking about anti-sexism.

It feels like everyone is against this woman, including the women.

And that's pretty pretty surprising to me.

Usually the broads will support a broad, even if it's a demon woman.

And I can't, it's pretty shocking to me that she's not getting any support.

It's a good thing.

Yeah, she's kind of hilarious.

She's weird, though.

There she is.

She's a little, yeah, she's acting a little like loopy.

I don't know.

I went down like a little, a tiny little rabbit hole, and somebody set up an Instagram account called

Justice for Johnny.

And

I watched every video on that channel.

The Johnny fans are wild.

There was a woman in Inkworth.

My wife's aunt is boycotting Disney.

She canceled her Disney Plus.

Dude, there was a woman in Quartz that mouthed, Be strong, Johnny.

Like, he needs some fucking

homongulous housewife.

My friend was in law school in Las Vegas at UNLV, and one of his classmates in law school was a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator.

He would go to class.

Oh, yeah.

Do we go to law school dressing?

And he'd do like, he's like, yeah, I got an event later after class so i gotta come dress your honor may approach the bench yeah i gotta come dress as captain jack spare i got a real kick out of that i saw him actually out one night and i think as captain jack i took a picture with him i was back with my back at home visiting my character that's such a weird like world of entertainment to the impersonator oh my god yeah i think my first paid show that i did in jersey at there was a sinatra impersonator that went on but it was just like an old man who sang sinatra songs oh dude have you ever seen that george carlin impersonator do a corporate event I've seen him.

And you know, George Carlin's a bit like, where you put your stuff?

Your stuff.

Look, this guy had one because it was for like a computer company.

His whole thing was about data.

Oh, that's funny.

No, it was, dude, pull it up.

Well, we don't have the aux chord.

Oh, come on.

You can look for it and we can play it on the show.

That could need some time.

No, yeah, that'd be funny if he did the dirty words for a corporate team building event, though.

Yeah.

If he was just like,

they don't want you to sing.

Who's he Jack Nicholson.

Yeah, I'm trying to do it.

I'm trying to do, I'm doing Jack, I guess.

Um, yeah, Nick's gone.

He's usually good with the impressions.

I could do, um,

you know, uh, not, I could do Morgan Freeman.

Oh my god.

Oh, my God.

Here it is.

Dude, let's hear it.

Nobody laughs.

It's so good.

Yeah, but you're still getting paid ten thousand dollars.

Like, shout out to that.

Private.

Oh, that's bullshit.

How do you get through a private video?

My girlfriend thinks that this Amber and Johnny thing is like

they're playing like wicked games.

Like this is like their extended foreplay and they're just going to fucking like attack each other like animals.

Is that what you think too?

It sounded cool when she said that.

I was like, wow, if they're really getting

off on like all of America watching this embarrassing trial about her shitting in their bed and stuff, like that would be like that would be pretty badass.

Yeah.

They would deserve each other, you know.

Honestly, I have not paid any attention to this.

But that kind of sounds like something like...

Oh, it's unavailable.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Well, we'll move on.

Yeah.

Bummer.

Bummer.

Yeah, it's fucking bummed.

Anyway, Mike, you were saying.

About what?

I don't know.

You were about to say something.

We're in minute 13 and 20 seconds.

Yeah.

I don't think it was going to be anything.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

That's cool.

So how's what's it like being a father, Mike?

Are you enjoying that?

Oh, my God.

God.

Dude, I'm the host of Cometown right now.

Dude,

it's tanking.

Are we so it's not tanking?

Shut up.

Bring it back.

This is going good.

We have good energy.

You guys, I'm enjoying the energy.

Let's bring it back to a classic Cometown bit.

All right.

Like,

what about if Steve Harvey

was Chinese?

How about that?

What?

Man, Nick makes it look so easy.

I can't believe you say this.

Why would you say penis as an answer on family feud?

Okay, so that's, I maybe jeopardize my your number one a favorite thing to sit on this motherfucker said a face

well nothing that's just the contestant being Chinese oh yeah what if uh Steve Harvey was Chinese he'd be like a what

why you always talk about a sex

this you are so horny I have a bigger mustache he just describes himself Wow do you like my suit are we yeah I thought me so horny, but it turned out all of you so horny.

So horny.

I thought it was just me so horny.

Yeah, that's right.

But y'all on some sheet right now.

Y'all on some sheet right now.

Y'all are on some sheet.

Y'all are on some sheet right now.

Yeah.

So your family all has type 2 diabetes.

They have some fat ass.

You know what I noticed recently?

If you please.

to speak a headset.

What is that?

Nothing.

Okay.

You're like it's in his ass?

No, him talking to like an older black man on the show.

Because they always have Bluetooth.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah, yeah.

He's got a cell phone, clip, wallet, Bluetooth.

I like those guys.

Can I say

there's a shirt I want that I saw?

One of the witnesses from the god-awful Buffalo shooting.

He had a shirt that said

Black King Ingredients.

And it was like like 100% courage, 100% melanin, 0%

foolishness.

Good.

So you saw that tragedy and you wanted the shirt.

I want to support it.

You think he's so emotional?

I mean, it's not a bad way.

I mean, everybody, nobody knows what to do whenever these things happen.

You should buy merch.

You should buy that guy's merch.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Because we're also, yeah, it's like.

And then

one less dollar away from Sean King.

Yeah, that's true.

Oh, that fucking asshole.

Yeah, but then you,

if he gets in an argument, someone goes, are you serious?

He could just go, I got.

No foolishness.

I got no foolishness.

Did you Google the shirt, like where to get it?

No, I didn't go for it.

I remember there was a news clip of there were two shirts.

You want to buy it from him directly.

Yeah.

Sir, can I buy your shirt?

Off your back.

Oh, yeah.

Give him like 200 bucks.

No, I'll just.

That's kind of a power move.

Like, I like that shirt.

I'll play.

It's kind of like a prison style.

I like that shirt.

I'll play with him.

I'll go, hey, pal, guess what's in the bag?

And it's a butt plug.

I'll give him five dollars.

It's a butt plug for

my ass

so that I can tolerate straight sex for my ass.

Anyway, so yeah, one time I saw there was a tornado in Oklahoma, and they were interviewing this guy who just had his entire home destroyed.

And he was like in front of the rubble, and he was, it was clear he was wearing his only t-shirt that he owns in the world, and it just said, She wants the D on it.

He's like, It's horrible.

I lost everything.

Yeah, it was pretty cool.

That guy, that guy, that guy rocked.

Ian would see that and be like, I like that shirt.

Yeah.

Your last shirt.

I always like to find the positive in things.

Yeah, I feel like as I'm getting older, I'm just dressing more and more like a day laborer.

You know?

Yeah.

Just kind of like throwing on whatever.

Yeah, Mike has a shirt right now that says Daddy's Little Princess on it.

Like you're a Chinese consumer.

My shirt says, I have the pussy, so I make the rules.

You've got a hat from an old black lady's funeral.

An airbrush hat saying R.I.P.

Miss Miss Anina.

Yeah.

My friend.

I'm actually a black comic from Baltimore.

Miss Nina?

No, it was Miss Chitta Chata.

Miss Chittichata.

Rest in peace.

I think she passed away.

She passed away too.

I would love the merch from her funeral.

It's the 100% Black King.

That's pretty.

Zero.

What was it?

Courage?

Foolishness.

Courage, 100%.

Melanin, 100%.

Drive, 100%.

Hustle, 100%.

I don't know if you could wear that.

Foolishness.

I don't know if you could wear that.

Zero percent.

I don't think you could wear that.

Well, my lungs are black.

I don't think they would appreciate that at the ska concerts and glory holes that you attend.

I was in Harford one time and I walked by a t-shirt shop and the t-shirt was just like black Bart Simpson holding a stack of money.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, it has like a phone.

As a phone.

Yeah, that's cool.

I like that.

I was like, I could never wear this.

One time I was ripping G-bongs in Wildwood, and I went to every single t-shirt store on the boardwalk and just bought wolf shirts.

And I walked out with like...

Because you were so high on pot that you had to get wolf shirts.

I was hot on green cream.

That's badass years ago.

That's really badass.

You've managed to get stove, like get sober and still brag about the times that you were high on weed.

Dude, have you seen cool wolf shirts?

Yeah, I mean.

I buy them sober.

Yeah, it's like, I guess so.

Those shirts were like always the poor kids the smelly poor kids in school would wear

those wolf like it'd say like

you know like Dakota timber wolf or something

like a wolf on a ledge howling at the moon.

It's fantastic.

I had those shirts.

The big dog shirts were kind of those are interesting and the big Johnson shirts.

Yeah

great.

It was like when you're going fishing you're gonna need a big rod big Johnson.

And it was like

a big penis and girl with big boobs around him.

Yeah, really?

Yeah, you used to get it It was like big dogs

didn't go far enough.

They had to have one that was just big penis shirts.

Yeah, big

that you could wear while you're getting evicted from your trailer.

After a tragedy rips apart your hurricane.

You could wear

after a tragedy has claimed the life of your children.

When you rebuild a home from a hurricane, you're going to need a big Johnson.

And it's shaped like a hammer.

Yeah, I'm about to release Texas.

Nick just texted me that.

What did he say?

That riff.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah.

Nick would have said that.

Yeah, if Nick were here, he would have said.

Okay, guys,

now is the,

it's come the time that we want to talk to you about something called Super Speciosa.

Have you ever heard of it?

One of these Big Johnson shirts, he's a drag racing, and it says, you'll be popping some blowers when you pick up a big shot.

Wait, and the logo is just a guy with a big penis.

Yeah, yeah.

Or he's got a lump in his pants.

Yeah, hold on.

I've heard Dan Soder talk about these t-shirts before.

Oh, yeah.

Liquor up in front.

Poke her in the rear.

Big Johnson's bar and casino.

Liquor.

Liquor.

Oh, like lick her pussy up front.

Yeah, but it's spelled liquor like the drink.

Like the drink.

That doesn't even make any sense.

Yeah, it's like liquor up front.

You lick her up front, you poke her in the back.

Those are two things they have at the casino, and those are two things you can do with the fruit.

Licker in her front.

You lick her in her front pussy and you poke her in the back butthole.

Oh, he's

here for that.

He said, lick her up front.

Oh, Lord.

Big Johnson long care.

It's easy to trim a little bush.

Leon,

Lian.

We have to talk about super speciosa raw leaf.

And if you like the power of natural kratom leaf tea powders and more, you can shop for them at superspeciosa.com.

They're made by nature, perfected by the U.S.

Kratom powders, they sell kratom capsules, kratom tablets, and kratom tea bags.

Has anyone here in this room right now, do you have any experience using kratoms?

No, what is it?

Well, basically,

it's like a natural heroin that you can buy at smoke shops or at superspeciosa.com, which is the only GMP qualified vendor from the American Kratom Association.

How high does it get?

Apparently, from what I hear, the withdrawals are worse than heroin.

What?

I thought Kratom was kidding.

It's great for you.

So, yeah, they have all these products that that

you can buy, and they have all this information about the products.

They have a resource center that you could use.

You can click through and find all the resources for all things, create them.

They have just started adding content.

They'll be continually adding them.

So, basically, guys, here's the thing:

they're legal in certain states.

You got to check that yourself because I don't have the copy.

Nick didn't send it to me.

He said, go to the fucking website.

We're selling natural hair.

He's so mean.

Why does he treat you like shit all the time?

No, he's not feeling that.

I feel like you're the funny one.

Listen, I shouldn't have been wearing that.

Okay?

Okay.

I walked in there

dressed like that, and he had to.

He had to.

You are Amber Heard.

He came home.

No, no, I'm Johnny Depp.

He's Amber Heard.

I'm like, Nick, why do you have to keep going at me like this?

Nick, didn't you see me in the Pirates of the Caribbean?

and he's like, please stop.

You're a fucking loser, Adam.

I'm not going to send you the copy for Emperor STO son.

Nick is Ember.

Adam, oh my god.

Adam, you're a fucking loser.

And I'm going to bring up incredibly personal things on the podcast and have 250,000 people making fun of you about it.

And you're my only friend.

That's right, baby.

Let it out.

I was just kidding.

Got him.

Got him.

Yeah, Nick's Nick's.

I went over to Nick's.

Oh, you're hyping it up too much.

He's one of my best friends.

You're hyping it up too much.

No, you're not.

Nick Mullen age shit.

He came from Stockholm.

He came home.

He came home.

Sorry.

I went over to his apartment.

He was wearing a beauty

premen on his face, like a white cream on his face.

He was wearing a kimono.

Like a mask.

Yeah, like a

black face.

And he put a cigarette on his cheek.

He's like, I'm putting on a charcoal mask, and I'm doing hello, mammy.

And he's like, don't fuck up the equipment.

Daddy's going to be mad.

See if anyone believes you, Adam.

See if anyone believes you.

Aquaman.

A man can't get away.

And Adam's just sitting in

Adam's just wearing three scarves as cool as a cucumber.

Nick, I don't.

Nick, Ida.

I'm just here to pick up the board.

I don't know why I talk like this, kind of Native American style.

Are you ready?

It's weird.

I feel like, like,

if you guys were super rich and famous,

would you try to date another star?

No, you don't.

None of those relationships work.

I would just walk into a Popeye's and find a one.

I'd be like, you.

Yeah.

I go to a Home Depot park and I pick up one of those Trabaho boys and make you wife.

Listen, I'm going to take you to Cancun.

All right.

Anyway, guys.

Go to the Popeyes in Chinatown.

Be like you and you.

Guys, if you're ready to shop at Super Speciosa, you can check out all these cool tablets, teas, powders,

all this fucking stuff.

And it makes your life better.

Okay.

That's the most important thing.

So if you're interested, you go to superspeciosa.com.

You can pay with zelle.

I think you pay with e-check, Bitcoin.

I think they take a lot.

So check out everything.

When you place your first order after your first order, it is a better read than Nick's ever done, I think.

No, Nick does some pretty good reads.

People like the reads better than the actual show at this point, from what I understand.

Not today, though.

Today the show shines.

What is Kratom?

Mitrianya Speciosa, commonly known as Kratom, is a tropical tree native to Southeast Asia from the coffee family.

I thought you were naming the girl Mike meets at Popeyes in Chinatown.

Oh, Mitriyana speciosa.

No, that's the girl

who you woke up eating her ass while jacking off your limp dick.

What?

Jesus.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Now I went to the gym.

I was taking his name.

You guys were hyping me up on that Nick stuff.

We're on your side.

It was great.

I was tagging you.

You guys were hyping me up on that nick stuff and i went too far anyway

kratom plants that can be found in the forests of indonesia thailand malaysia myanmar and papua new guinea all kratom imported the united states come from indonesia the leaves are harvested from mature trees dried and crushed kratom leaves have been used by locals in southeast asia for centuries and guess what the history of southeast asia is a pretty chill one they've been chill for a long time

yeah i guess i don't know different strands

can be found

no wars or anything Here's the thing, guys.

You can get crazy.

Genocides.

You

honest people.

Paul Pott was,

he was doing a lot of crater when he was genociding all the intellectuals and people who wear

everyone who wore glasses.

Uh-oh.

That was one of the best.

I would hide you guys.

That was one of the best genocides.

Yeah, you'd and Frank me.

Like, Mike, thank you so much.

Thanks for this.

Mike,

it's very cramped in here.

You Yeah, you will be my eyes.

Yes, Mike.

Thank you.

Do you have a stick or something I could help walk around with?

Here's the thing.

You could buy kratom from a fucking deli, and you don't know what the fuck you're getting.

This shit is lab tested and recognized by the American Kratom Association.

It's a very,

that's a great organization.

There's doctors and captains of industry that serve on the board of that.

Unfortunately, most of the vendors do not test their products.

So get something that's tested before you want to get fucked up on T Es.

And

it's tested by third-party labs, yada, yada.

There's no E.

coli and yeast and mold.

You can get that shit from the bad stuff.

So, check out their blog page, check out their latest news on Kratom and new product launches, and go to superspeciosa.com.

And at checkout, put it in promo code ComeTown or Come Town20.

Nick did not send me the copy, but if you try both of them,

one of those are gonna work.

And let's start the show.

What the fuck?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I saw that animated movie that Mark Maron's in, The Bad Guys.

He's in an animated movie.

Yeah.

What is it about?

Are you looking for cigarettes this morning?

No, my vapor.

Can we smoke in here?

No, you can't.

Yeah, that'd be really cool.

I mean, my girlfriend is out of town, but you can't smoke.

Let's do it, dude.

Let's smoke.

Let's smoke.

Come on.

Stop it.

Stop it.

She's not going to know.

She's not going to know.

Okay, put a story.

When's the last time you could smoke indoors?

Seriously?

No, no, it's very very good.

It'll be like the 1940s.

Okay, all right.

I'm going to put a fan.

Okay, here.

Okay.

I'm going to set it up for you, but you guys got to talk while I'm off marketing.

Yes, of course.

I'm only doing this because I'm a good host.

Yes.

Okay.

The best host.

Okay, I'm going to put a fan out.

Okay, this is cool, guys.

I feel cool right now.

I feel really cool.

I feel really cool right now.

We did New York, baby.

We'll do my place next.

Oh, my God.

We'll have gay sex in my son's crib.

The dioramic is hitting me in the middle of the day.

And the mobile pounding you're pounding me?

Yes.

Yeah, you're probably pounding me.

Tagging that sweet ass.

No, but

I'd be like a power bottom.

I'd take you for a ride with my ass.

Mike, stop.

You fuck you, Ian.

Shut the fuck up.

That's dominating my dick.

I'm raping you and my ass.

You like it.

Shut, Ian, shut the fuck up.

Ian, you're ruining this for me.

You're going to wake Deb.

You're ruining this for me.

I'm just picturing you.

Shut the fuck up, Ian.

Shut up.

I somehow give you an erection.

And rapy riding into me.

Like, please, please.

You're hurting me.

Do you think that like, because because it's like, because people go like, oh, gay sex is funny.

I mean, but heterosexual sex is, do you think it's also funny?

But do you think gay sex is funnier?

I think they're equally as funny.

Sex is funny.

Yeah.

It's weird.

Yeah.

Kissing is weird.

Yeah.

How would you have affection for someone?

You're like, let me open up part of your body and let me lick it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

I didn't know how to kiss when I was younger.

I thought you were just square your lips together.

I didn't know how to head back up.

I didn't know how to 69.

I didn't know what went on on the inside.

The first time I 69.

Well, the first time I 69, like, I was on top of the girl.

If you can't get poor girls.

Oh, my God.

I was like, I think

this is how you do it.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Okay.

But can you guys...

Man, this is so fucking cool, dude.

This is really cool.

You got another ash track?

Okay,

can we just blast?

Am I ash and your Yeti?

Yeah, no, no, no, no.

Come on, dude.

It's a great one.

You have one too, right?

I have like seven, yeah.

I was going to make that.

So quickly, you're like a Yeti man.

I know you like Yetis.

You know, I just, I just have, yeah, yeah, I I don't know.

Yeah,

I have one in there.

It's good.

I have a hard cooler and then a couple tumblers.

Thank you.

Guys, so there's an ashtray right here.

Yes.

Thank you.

Okay, yeah.

And just don't tell my girlfriend that you're doing this.

Can I come to you?

I feel like we're doing some kind of talk show in like 1964 or something.

I love it.

How do you feel about that?

What is the Negro?

What does the Negro want?

Well, the Negro.

Is that James Baldwin?

Well, the Negro.

I bet I could probably.

I bet if you gave me a month, I could do a James Baldwin impression.

I bet if I gave you a week.

I'm gay.

I'm gay.

I'm black.

I'm gay.

I'm black and I'm gay.

I'm black and I'm gay, and I write books.

I won't tell you what's going on up in Giovanni's room unless you read my book about it.

No, yeah, he was pretty good.

Are you filming this right now for socials?

I was filming us smoking because it's cool.

Oh, yeah, it is cool.

I mean, this is very cool.

It's very New York.

Dude, this is, yeah.

Wow.

I feel like we're on Cavett or something.

And they're so expensive.

It's like a delicacy.

Uh-huh.

You know?

This is truly a sign of opulence, smoking cigarettes.

Right now, we're living in the golden era.

Okay.

We've all got our legs crossed.

That bar in Nashville, right?

You could smoke inside.

Yeah, we had a bar.

Mike and I I went to one of the best bars I've ever been to, which was, what was it called?

Like Santa's Pub or something?

Yeah, I think so.

It's like a karaoke.

Yeah, we had a lot of fun.

It's in a double wide trailer.

They do karaoke, and it's just run by this guy with a long, like...

Except when we lose thousands of dollars.

Yeah, except

on poorly negotiated contracts.

Yeah.

I don't know if you know this, but

I'm not exactly the most it's not exactly the best.

Financially,

we don't have that much fun.

Yeah, financially, sometimes I'm like, you know, you have kids, so you should probably keep the money.

But when you look at what...

You should probably keep the money.

I have one kid.

But when you look at what we're making.

I don't appreciate the time.

But listen, if you look at what we're making compared to a cleaning lady, you were doing pretty well.

Oh, my God.

We're like up on stage.

More depressing.

We're up on stage for, you know, like an hour and a half, two hours total.

And, you know, a cleaning lady would have made $14 in that time.

Yeah.

And we made about $25,000.

$25.

And if she was at my house, she would have been sexually harassed.

Hey, Zwala.

Move that fat ass.

We did have a cleaning lady coming for a little bit, and then we kind of like stopped.

We don't have any money.

You got to like

before the cleaning lady comes.

Yeah, I guess.

Like people do that all the time.

Well, you just like straighten up.

You're like, I don't want her to think that I'm some disgusting, you know,

white person.

I thought that you didn't want them to have to work like extra.

I didn't think it was about like judgment.

Well, no, it depends on if you get the full service or not, you know.

But you got to ask her if she's a cop.

That's what.

And if she's going to pull out a private part on FaceTime.

Yeah, you got to say, can you please show me your paint?

Dude, I was in a fucking cop bar in.

I love the police.

I was in a cop, like...

Yeah, me too.

I low-key love the police.

I thanked them when I walked in.

I was in a cop bar by

dad was staying by ground zero when he came to visit.

Yeah.

And there was a cop bar down there, like in the financial district.

Was it the patriot i don't know no i don't think that's the name they'd no it was like three dollar pitchers of butter no no it was like had like an irish name it had some sort of irish name it was just filled with like o'shaughnessy something like that they were all like blacked out like when we got there it's just all these fucking like like thumb looking heads yeah you know like just these fucking mongoloids they're like blacked out and then there were these two like clearly prostitutes in the middle of it

and they were like just face timing their friends like

I don't want to get in trouble with the force right now.

The NYP is going to be like, the boys are cool.

Yeah.

Anyway, they were FaceTiming like other thumbs, right?

And they were like, just like they look like cops.

They were FaceTiming other ones.

And like, they were like, yeah, just show, just show them what you're working with.

And like the fucking, the, the, the girls were like taking their titties out.

Cool guys.

But they had like, they had literally, each of them would have two FaceTimes going at a time.

And they'd be like, do you like what you see?

You want to come over and like you want to come meet me?

And like, then the cop that was like negotiating was like, Yeah, like she's beautiful.

Like, you're going to love what you see.

Like, you're going to love her when she comes over here.

Yeah, there's some

women.

This is this is this is incredible to watch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good for them.

Yeah, there was one time.

I was at a cop bar.

Do you guys remember that?

I don't want to say his name.

There's this guy that used to have a bar show up on like the upper

east by comic strip.

And it was like a cop bar.

And then afterwards, you know, everybody was like, Rodney Games.

And then.

Was it that guy?

Because there was a cop in New York City that, like, he did comedy, and he got in trouble because he left his gun in a bathroom.

Nah.

Yeah.

Wait, was it?

No, no, it wasn't.

No, it wasn't his.

No, no, no.

He's a good dude.

So this cop is behind the bar.

I think he's a bastard.

I think all cops are bastards.

And

Mark's a pretty cool guy.

Yeah, he's great.

Yeah.

He's not that bright.

He's a sweetheart.

No, he's, yeah.

But this cop behind the bar was telling us these like cop stories.

And the drunker he got, the more like

not

good they were in terms of

you and his cop friends thought were funny.

Like, we won't do a domestic dispute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And before we left, we were like, well, you know, he already smacked you up.

So, you know, we'll make him do the same unless you show us your titties.

And I'm like, what, what?

He's like, yeah, so we got this girl.

You know, she's crying, but we all saw tits, and we made sure he didn't hit her again.

I'm like, man, that's not funny.

And then it's

like, whatever.

You don't get it, man.

It was funny at the time.

But then they wonder why nobody respects them.

Yeah.

You know, well, I'll say not all cops do that.

Well, I was.

There's this older lady.

Listen, all I'm going to say is that if I was born black in this country, I would be dead.

Okay.

Why?

Because the police would have killed me at this point.

Yeah, I'd have died.

Tyson.

Everyone came around and say how you would be dead if you were black.

Just, does, does, typically untrue.

No, no, Ian, you don't don't have to go get into fucking

flakes.

Facts.

We were up in the cabin last year.

Yeah.

He's like, guys, we got to watch.

There's a camera.

So you invited Ian to the cabin, but not me.

You should have come.

I never get invited.

No, I never get invited to the cabin.

Oh, dude, it was so funny.

Everybody kept being like, it's so much better.

Mike's not here.

No, we weren't saying that.

But me.

No one's here whopping up the place.

Oh, my God.

It was great.

He is like,

I got a great documentary.

It's about

the hysteria behind the Michael Brown case.

It's about how the media got it all wrong, and it's made by all black people.

And then we looked it up and it was like, fucking Candace Owens.

No, she wasn't.

How are you such a like, you're like, Fox News Uncle Song.

It was about how

that kid that was killed by the cops in Ferguson.

He was actually totally made up way too big.

Hands up, don't shoot, was a fallacy.

That was a real whole thing.

That's what the media means.

It doesn't often

mean it's like, you know, this guy, Larry Elvis.

It's called Poetic.

He's actually a good guy.

He's called

Poetic Truth rather than factual truth.

Well,

there's an older lady in my neighborhood, and she's got this big dog, and she lost her dog one time.

The dog got out.

So I went around and I was looking for the dog, and I get on my bike, and I see these two cops, and they're like carrying her dog.

So I'm like, oh, that's my neighbor's dog.

And the guy's like, the cop's like, oh, oh, who is she?

He's like, I just want to talk to her.

And so they bring the dog back.

And she's like, she's like an older like italian woman and she's like oh thank you so much we were we were just talking about how much we love the cops in this neighborhood

and this cop must have been like he couldn't have been older than like 26 years old you know and um he's like yeah he's like you got to be careful you know because because you know they somebody wanted to take him to the to the shelter and i said no let's try to you know let's try to like find the owner and you know that's a kill shelter over there

so this guy's just like

you know they wanted to kill your if it wasn't for me they would have killed your dog yeah I saved this life.

So maybe you could break off a little.

Maybe you can give me a little envelope, if you know what I'm talking about.

Maybe once a week.

Maybe I come around once a week.

You give me a little envelope.

This podcast today is sponsored by the documentary What Killed My Don't Do you?

Now, Garbage Men

is

intellectuals.

But we do want to talk to Shelby Steele.

Is that Lexington Steele's nephew?

You think Garbage Men get the same amount of

people?

Does that joke come in funny?

Wait.

No,

it's a heterosexual porn reference.

You probably wouldn't understand.

I know Lexicon Steele because I know.

Lexicon?

He's not a Mexican.

Lexicon Steele.

Oh, you got one of the biggest penises in porn, Lexicon.

No,

that was Lexicon.

We interviewed Sarah J on porn.

But we want to talk.

That was her favorite porn.

God damn it.

She's still taking it.

Dude, I checked back in with her the other day.

She looks like shit.

She looks like a cast member on the old Joe Dinosaur show.

She looks, she does.

She looks like not the mama.

Yes.

She looks like not the mama.

Yes.

Dude, and she is still just getting dicks.

She is loving it.

Okay.

But before we, before you get to the point.

I wish I knew who you were talking about.

Sarah J.

You don't know Sarah J?

No.

Look her up.

She's

a preeminent pog in pornography.

Yes.

She was one of the first MILFs.

Dude, I got 23.

Dude, I got.

She was just a Jewish woman.

Yo, let's go.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not yet, not yet.

We got the dynamics.

Okay, pull it up.

Get that together because we got to talk about Ridge wallet right now.

And we got to talk about Ridge.com.

You can hold your money in your Ridge wallet and buy What Killed Michael Brown by Eli and Shields.

Okay, we don't have to.

Is this her?

That was just a picture of that.

Oh, okay.

It's just a lady on Instagram.

Okay, so basically, here's the deal, guys.

These people started this company, Ridge.

Okay, so you go to Ridge.com.

And is that,

you know, what are you thinking this is?

What kind of company is this?

Is this

a condom that

has bumps on it for a woman's pussy?

Oh, a rough rider.

No,

it is a wallet and everyday carry and travel bag company.

Basically, what they do is they strip down all of the essentials to their most

to their what?

I can't believe it.

What are you talking about?

That's great.

The Ridge.

Oh, you're doing like a fake.

No, I'm helping the ad.

No, you're not doing it.

You're not doing that.

You're making fun of this.

You're making fun of this company.

You're making fun of this company where I'm trying to find out.

I'm trying to find out what they're about, actually.

Well, they make the metal.

Mike, you've got the Ridge wallet.

You want to talk to you?

I had a Ridge wallet.

They did it.

Yeah, maybe Mike, you you do your bit about Ridge Wallet.

I think that'd be good for them.

No, they're good wallets.

It didn't fall out of my pocket after the first week that I had it.

They're like metal wallets.

They're like a money clip.

You have a money clip for the modern man.

Everyone's sick and tired of having these huge wallets.

You have to have your pocket constitution.

You have to have 12

expired condoms.

And you have them sitting under one cheek of your fat ass, and it gives you back problems.

Okay.

That is actually a good selling point.

The Ridge wallet is for people who raw dog because you can't really fit a condom in it.

You can't fit a condom in it.

And according to the Supreme Court, she needs to keep it.

So

they make wallets, bags, key cases, pens, everyday carry.

That section is one of my favorite sections of their website.

They make a titanium key case.

They make a case for your AirTag, which I think the new iPhone has where you can find where it is or some shit.

They also make pens and knives

and hoodies.

If you want to get a Ridge t-shirt, a Slim Fit Modern Ridge Wallet t-shirt, it's only $30 and it's got their nice Ridge logo with a mountain range on it, which I think would be pretty cool to rock.

So here's the deal guys.

You go to fucking RidgeWallet.com.

You pick out what you want, right?

There are different types of wallets for men and women.

There are travel backpacks for men.

Okay, there's enough SIGs.

You can't believe it.

We had a second SIG.

Let's wait like another 10.

Okay, you just fucking.

We can't have three SIGs going.

This is anarchy now.

I've lost control.

We can smoke in my house next.

A SIG pic.

I've lost control.

Get in it, Mike.

Ian, you're not.

That's.

We're taking selfies right now, everybody.

Ian has to do fucking ruins.

I get 71,000 pictures of the game.

Ian's like a fat woman at a Bachelorette party where he's like

selfie time, girls.

It's selfie time.

Stop having fun.

Just a 20-foot selfie stuff.

Creating memories.

We don't want to forget this.

When else have we ever been out listening to Get Low by Little John?

We're going to fuck black guys tonight.

Dude,

Lexicon Steel.

we're gonna fuck lexicon steel tonight and yeah so that's what nick sounds like on a bachelorette party anyway so

um

here's the deal guys you get you go to ridgewall.com you pick you pick your material okay you can get a titanium one carbon steel these are like what operators use okay yeah you you go to check out you can get the basic that's like uh 70 or you can get the carbon you can get the carbon steel that's like 300 bucks yeah they

pull it out when you're on like a Tinder date.

Yeah, you go and the girl goes, oh, is that the carbon steel Ridge Wallet?

Yeah, and she's like,

she's like, let me suck.

Please,

please let me suck.

I need to suck.

Anyway, so you go to ridgewallet.com, you put in promo code, ComeTown or Come Town 20, whichever one it is.

You'll get a great discount and a checkout.

They are a great company.

They stand by their product.

They have great customer service.

They got great people waiting for your call to ask them questions about their replacement elastics for your Ridge Wallet or perhaps replacement screws or a Torx driver so that you can screw in screws.

Oh yeah, you can take this.

You can take the screws.

You can take the screws out of your wallet.

You know, who needs a fucking faggy leather?

You want something that's made out of steel and screws.

Okay.

And, but they have a great backpack that I use, a commuter bag.

So go to ridgewall.com, put in promo code ComeTown or ComeTown20.

Uh, Ian, you want to talk about what it was like seeing Sarah J?

I'm actually very interested in that.

Oh, okay, here.

Hold on, look at this picture.

It's she is revolting.

Doesn't that look the dinosaur there?

You did that?

You did that photo shot?

I just made that.

Dude, that's the funniest.

That's the funniest photo I've ever seen.

Wow.

I wish you guys at home could see this photo that Ian showing us.

Ian, that might be the funniest thing you've ever done.

This is hilarious.

No, I'm serious.

I'm truly serious.

Is this the older sister?

You just start swiping.

She does look like the teenage sister.

Like the dad.

You just swiping.

I just thought you with the green corner.

I'm a teenage dinosaur.

I thought you with the green corner.

You just swiping Ian going down on the girls.

Also, Sarah Jay has taken so much,

so many colors of penis that she is like officially the hood pass and that she's like wearing like extensions and like braids.

She was sweet.

She was very nice.

She seems very nice.

Is she trying to do comedy?

Is she one of those?

No, she's got like a new CBD line that she's like,

that's great.

Like promoting.

Speaking of porno, I remember one time

when we first got the internet, I would download porno clips off of Kaza.

And I came across this one clip and

it said like 14-year-old lesbians.

And I was like, oh, oh, cool.

Like, you know, I'm 14, they're 14.

and it's it's lesbian

and i'm like oh it's oh cool it's like some girls my own age that i can jack off to

and i

and then the fucking then a swat team storm

stormed through the door i didn't my little 14 year old i didn't make the connection that i was about to download channels in your little feeble mind

i'm like wow something up up more my speed wow this stuff's hard to find

god damn a friend of mine texted me today and he said something about, like, I guess Lil Boozy had a take about Michael Jackson.

Who's Lil Boozy?

What was his?

He's a rapper.

He's like a rapper.

No, nothing.

He's great.

He's great.

Is he a drill rapper?

No, but

he was like, those kids must have been freaks.

And they were like, what do you mean by that?

He said the kids must have been into getting fucked by Michael Jackson.

They shouldn't have.

Freaks.

Yeah.

Wait, I was thinking, what if you did a sketch?

You know that scene in 40-year-old Virgin where it's like the guys talking about sex?

And he's like, and then

we all know that.

So, you can do a sketch where it's like a bunch of guys talk, and then they're like, How about you, Mike?

And it's Michael Jackson.

He's like, Oh, yeah, I love uh grown women,

I love when a woman is like 33 years old.

I love when a woman goes, period, yeah, yeah,

I love when I love when they be menstruating and stuff like that.

I love that when when the grown woman is after nap time,

is she a little bit sleepy still?

I love one.

And you give her a little Jesus juice?

No, Michael Jackson didn't do it.

I'm on the record of saying that.

I've said it multiple times publicly.

I'm not afraid to say it.

But he was chemically castrated by Joseph Jackson.

Oh, right.

And he was a deity, too, right?

He was a deity.

He was sent by God with a smooth genitalia.

It's true.

No, it is true.

Where were you when Michael Jackson died?

I was literally taking a shit.

No.

I remember I was on the show.

How old were you?

I was in college, maybe.

How old were you?

I was really sad.

I was probably like 22.

I was in rehab.

I was really sad.

I was really sad.

He died.

He is the most talented person.

Farah Fawcett died.

He is the most talented person.

Farah Fawcett died.

Who knows?

The day after.

No one remembers.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

She was outshined by Michael Jackson.

Yeah, of course she.

The most talented human being of our lifetime.

Charlie's Angels?

Dude, her feathered hair on the poster?

No one cares about that.

He is the fucking...

No one jacks off.

No one jacks off.

No one gets horny enough to be a little bit more of a damned thing.

No, in the day people did.

Farrow Fawcett was a dime.

She was a piece.

Yeah.

But

let's get back into

a cometown style bit, maybe.

What if Michael Jackson was Asian?

And it's just...

It's basically just a picture of him.

Just a picture of him, basically.

Basically, a picture of him towards the end of his life

that answers.

I can't do that, but I know someone who can.

Welcome, Jake Flores.

I don't know who that is.

A picture of Michael Jackson.

Come on, Jake, get in here and do your...

What are y'all doing?

It was really crazy.

No, no, no, no.

Enough of that.

It was a picture of Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson really did become an Asian woman.

It's truly insane.

And we still had to be like, oh, that's Mike.

Oh, there he goes.

He looked like my friend's mom looked a lot like him.

I'd have fucking Vietnamese friend in high school.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, and his mom looked exactly like Mike.

Good, cool flex.

What do you mean?

They are cool people.

They're very cool people.

Have you ever had fun?

Michael Jackson didn't really, he didn't really get like canceled or anything.

You still hear the music in like an Uber or whatever.

Oh, they're still playing Remix to Ignition, bro.

Yeah.

The music is so good, you can't get, and it's so popular and widespread, you can't get rid of it.

Yeah, right.

Here's a

might as well lean in and enjoy it.

Yeah, so do you want to hang out with people?

He wasn't fucking kids when he made those songs.

Yeah, do you when black and white comes on?

Do you want to really hang out with someone that's like, um, turn this off?

Yeah, yeah, no.

No, I'd rather hang out at that cop bar with the guy who clearly was sexually harassing poor people.

That piece of shit.

Oh, is this a George Carlin?

That nigga liked him, little boy.

I remember my dear.

I just been thinking that

a long time, you know.

I mean, it's kind of hard to really talk your way out of

spending the night.

It's boozy on Michael Jackson.

What podcast is this?

It's Vlad TV.

What's that?

You should watch all of his interviews on Vlad TV on YouTube.

They're men.

He was married to Lisa Marie Presley for like a couple months, but I just, it don't seem like he was really interested in women like that.

Because think about it.

If I was Michael Jackson,

I'd be with some person.

I would have the baddest swimming.

Wow.

I've never heard a take like this before.

This is really original.

Thanks for bringing it to my attention, Adam.

Damon Wayans had a good take on Bill Cosby.

What was it?

He just said that, like,

we can continue.

Well, no, he was just like, you know, one of those accusations goes back to like 1968.

He's like, black people had separate water fountains back then.

He's like, we weren't raping until the 90s.

Oh, that's great.

That's, I mean, you know, that's a interesting legal case that you can make.

That's a take where you go.

This guy's talented.

This guy really.

He's good.

I just watched Blank Man recently.

Best movie.

Dude, it is the best movie.

JL5.

Oh, yeah.

It really is the best movie ever.

No, he's blank.

It's so funny that, like, just, I mean, I guess.

I cried when JLE was.

It's the premise behind.

His little robot.

His robot in Blank Man.

It's the premise behind Urkel, but it's like the entire bit is: what if a black guy wasn't cool?

Like,

smart.

What if a black guy was like gay and not cool?

And like, there's a scene where the woman's giving birth in Blank Man, and like, and he's like, but I can see, like, he, I can see her thing.

Yeah, he's like, he's like, please, like, you got to save her.

He's like, but I can see her thingy.

It's so.

He was a black superhero before Black Panther.

Dude, and the running bit in Blank Man that just is, they do it three times, and it's just so funny every single time.

It's like the

girl, the love interest is Robin Givens, who's the one.

That's right.

Not Robin Givens.

No, Robin Givens.

I'm thinking now of Robin from Howard Stern.

No.

What's her last name?

Quivers.

Quivers.

Okay, yeah, it's Robin Givens, who's the woman who's raped and beaten by

Mike Tyson.

So, no,

she's the.

No, he went to jail for it.

Yeah, he did it.

So she's like, so she's the love interest.

Every time he gets a kiss from her, he's just like he combs his pants

because he's so much of a gay nerd that he can't he can't even kiss without coming his pants.

It is so funny.

That movie

Jamel and I watched it together.

We were like peeing our pants the entire time.

Yeah.

That's how I feel about old like Martin Lawrence clips, too.

You watch like.

Yeah, dude.

You know, and he's like, he played like the white guy and then he played the woman.

The woman.

Yeah, the karate guy.

Yeah, yeah.

it was great you know what movie i've been trying to watch recently baby's kids oh i haven't that's an album isn't it no it um oh fuck robin harris yeah his it was like based on his standard standard it's like a cartoon it's i remember watching that as a kid funniest thing in the world yeah you gotta watch baby's kids yeah yeah

um yeah

why are black people like i we know the funniest yeah we know i mean we know they're the funniest they are the but after them there's just like a huge drop i don't don't know, Jewish guys, maybe Jewish guys.

Maybe Jewish guys, but from blacks to Jews, there's a pretty big

drop.

Because humor, there's a coping mechanism.

They've had to use humor through generational.

That might be right, but that is really, that's pretty gay to say on the show.

What?

Yeah.

We got to be fucking.

No, we were talking about the issues.

No, I'm just saying.

Adam?

No, I think you're probably absolutely right.

But yeah, the drop-off is pretty significant.

Oh, yeah.

It's like you can't be a buff white guy on stage, right?

No one likes a white guy with a nice body.

I don't think anyone likes a guy with a nice body.

No, no, no.

You could be fucking.

Kevin Hart's jacked.

Dan Chappelle's jacked.

But

they're not showing.

They got jacked, and they're not wearing a tank top.

Godfrey only.

Yeah, yeah, but Godfrey doesn't wear a tank top on.

Michael Clark doesn't get a word.

He's jacked.

Morgan Freeman, huge.

Eric Adams jacked.

He is.

Truly.

He is.

Have you seen those shirtless people?

He jacked off.

Oh, really?

Dom.

He is one of our, he is my favorite mayor.

He is my favorite mayor that has ever been the mayor since I've lived in the city.

I like Ed Koch.

What do you mean?

He was terrible to you people.

What?

He shook that closeted gay man.

He shot out.

Shacked out all the bathhouses.

No.

No, no.

That was Giuliani.

No, no, no.

No, Ed Koch cracked down on illicit, lascivious

homosexuality.

Read Times Square Blue.

No, he was a Timesquare Blue.

He was a hater, dude.

He was a hater because he was was sitting in the closet.

Hate, dude.

Nope.

Nope.

He actually played black people like a fiddle, and it was very sad.

They, to this day, don't like him, a lot of them, because he ran on the platform of

keeping Sidem Hospital

afloat.

It was this hospital in Harlem that was on the verge of shutting down, and then he got in and he fucking let it go.

This closeted NYC mayor described, this sounds like Jeopardy.

It's a headline.

This closeted NYC mayor described queer sex sex as horrific and helped close bathhouses in the 80s.

And the answer, yeah.

I could have sworn it.

No, the answer is Ed Koch.

He was a hater, dude.

He was hating on land.

No, Giuliani opened them back up, actually.

Yeah, Giuliani opened them back up, but only for Italian men.

Because we're the ones who use the bathhouse correctly.

Yeah, because

they're fucking fagging it up.

We're kissing each other.

We're just

kissing each other on the cheeks.

It's cultural.

As long as there are no homeless people in the bathhouses.

Dude.

Just going around.

Smoke one more.

No, no, I can't, dude.

I have to go.

The show is about to be over.

You know what I'm saying?

No, no, we have one more minute.

It was so fun.

We were hanging the other night at Sesh Commerce.

Dude, we had a lot of fun that night.

Dude, okay.

You guys are literally, I have a call at 6.10.

You guys are literally going to have to.

We hang later.

Can we hang out for that?

You can hang out.

No, no, I'm going to be honest.

I'm going to go to the cell at 7.30.

Yeah, you could definitely hang.

But yeah, I have to go to my office.

Dude, we just listen to the call.

No, no, no.

He's got a business call.

Smoking, hanging.

Isn't this, aren't we lucky?

It was a very fun night.

Look at these two guys in a bathhouse just being in love.

Yeah, this is so cool.

Yeah, let me see.

Look at it.

They loved each other.

They got to put some bulk on, though.

Yeah.

They're a little bit.

I love watching cruising videos.

What's that?

What?

What is that?

What is that?

What are you going to ramp up?

You mean the

tail for another time.

Oh, can we do plugs?

And with that, that has plugged in my book.

Can I plug in?

Guys, I'm going to go.

I got got it.

All right.

All right.

We'll close that button.

Yeah, we'll close that button.

No, no, but you don't have to end the show.

You got to press it.

I got to press the last button.

You got to press this button.

All right.

We'll press that button when we're done.

Yes.

Sweet.

This one, right?

The square stop is.

Time to smoke on the couch.

All right.

Yeah.

Welcome to the Adam.

Guys, wrap it up free.

We'll wrap it up.

Okay, okay.

All right.

It is funny that he's going to go and have a talk to a manager.

That's because you and I are on his couch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I got to go shower yeah yeah

maybe should i shower here

you should yeah together we should we should go together we should have gay sex

that's a prank yeah yeah yeah it's like a hilarious bitch on mic

oh we're so funny the red is like that was the best calm town episode ever finally two people actually had gay sex on adam's couch

life imitates art.

Anyway, so what's so okay?

All right, we're going to wrap it up.

Okay, just real quick, I'm going to be in Toronto at the Royal Comedy Theater June 17th and 18th.

Stand-up live, Phoenix, Arizona, with the great David Tell,

May,

not this weekend, the following weekend.

I'm going to be in Columbus, Ohio, June 25th at Natalie's Grandview.

And I am going to be on the road with David Tell a lot.

I have a bunch of headline dates coming up on my own.

Good.

Bye, guys, podcast.

And I'm starting a new podcast with a Patreon, Be and Ian,

available on YouTube, my Patreon.

And the theme song is by The Lumineers.

Oh, nice.

Isn't that cool?

I'm so excited.

They did it for you?

Especially for you?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm friends with the singer.

Oh, they're like big, right?

Yeah, yeah.

They're great.

It's really fun.

I wrote the lyrics.

He did the song.

I'm really excited.

And Catbite, that sky band from Philly, is going to do the intro, and he's doing the outro.

It's going to be a good time.

Come and do it.

Oh, my God.

Come town 2.0.

You, me, Adam, in my apartment.

Cats, fun times.

Yes.

Yeah, I think this has some potential.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just be the new version of the show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is great.

All right.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

All right.

In Adam's smoking in the boys' room.

Yeah.

What you got, Mike?

I got a new podcast called Out for Smokes that I do with Sean McCarthy and Scott Chaplin.

It's a lot of fun.

We have like four episodes out of that, and we're having a good time with it.

And then I'll be in Boston at the hideout

June 14th and 15th.

I guess it's 14th and 15th, that weekend.

I think

Friday, so the hideout in Boston, June 14th and 15th, you could go, you can Google the club.

Yes.

June 29th.

But check out the new podcast if you can.

To Sunday, May 29th, Stand-Up Live, Arizona.

Yeah, dude.

That's great.

I love Sean and Scott.

That's so fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Scott's like the funniest guy.

I don't see him around this year.

I wish he kept doing stand-up.

He's so fucking funny.

He did, but I think he's like burnt out on it.

Yeah.

But yeah, who isn't?

Well, you know.

What a dog shit

life.

I like it.

Yeah, it's fun.

Yeah, it's fun.

We're really lucky we get to do this.

No, we're very fortunate.

Okay.

You know?

Yeah.

Hey, guys.

All right.

Let's tune into another episode of Come Town.

Yeah, thanks for

listening.

Yeah, these are the news.

Thanks for listening to us smoke cigarettes and listening to Ian show us photos.

Making Adam let us smoke cigarettes in his apartment.

Yeah.

This is great.

Thank you guys.

This is kind of like our apartment now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dude, squatters, right?

If we get mail sent here to us, legally, he can't kick us out.

Really?

Yeah.

If you guys want to send us a little bit of a message.

Adam lives at 24,

24.

I'm a homo street.

24.

I'm a Jewish homo street.

All right, everybody.

Thanks for tuning in.

Next week, the guys may be back.

And follow me on Instagram, Racine, Mike Racine Comedy.

Yeah, animal six nine uh really appreciate you guys really appreciate you also thank you for coming out to shows really means a lot buying the merch very cool be safe hug someone you love and enjoy your sandwich bye bye bye-bye which button do we push it's the this one this

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