Ep. 310 – Hello speaking

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Privacy starts at the source.

Okay.

Fuck you hit me.

That rules.

Um

how'd you do that?

You would make a cool rap noise.

Oh, I think the mic rubbed against my jeans.

Oh, sick, dude.

Wow, you're scratching.

Wow, that's real hip-hop.

Fuck it.

That wolf.

Pretty cool shit.

That's what I get while I'm wearing my.

Are we recording?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Guys, we have a special.

Well, you can hear about it on the premium episode at patreon.com slash come town.

Well, that's not out yet.

I know, it's coming out in the next one.

If you're listening to this, you want to find out what the way this, we always record the premiums first because we want to get, we want to make sure that we, uh, you know, the episode with energy.

Because a lot of people are like, man, this show's gotten really bad.

But if you go on patreon.com/slash come to, it's about as good as it was maybe a year ago.

No, I think it's about the golden era.

I think golden age.

Well, whatever you personally define the golden era as, check out patreon.com/slash come town.

If you haven't, there's three years

or sorry, six years worth of premium episodes.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

I'm 30.

We're in our 30s.

I just turned 35, dude.

Yeah, that is fucked up.

Fuck.

Anyways, you can go back and listen to the

Jussance.

Whatever, dude.

The Jussant era.

And, you know, we're young men.

We got our whole dicks ahead of us.

And,

you know, three years.

Check it out.

A lot of episodes on there.

That's good.

I also want to plug it.

We'll be in Raleigh coming up.

If you go to either either Twitter

slash NYC Guido voice,

I'm pretty sure there's a young lady that manages all that for me now.

So I don't even.

Oh, you get a woman of color to do it for you?

Yeah, I just figured I'd create a job.

I got a woman of color managing

on my social media.

So I really don't have to do anything all day except read free books on the Kindle.

That's great.

Yeah.

Which, you know, people can say, you've changed.

You know, you're old now.

Yeah.

Yes, you're 100% correct.

Yeah, you're supposed to change.

You're supposed to change.

You're supposed to mature.

What the fuck do you want?

You want me out here like I was at 26, skateboarding, just fucking hanging out in Bushwick, skateboarding, just like getting massive amounts of pussy?

We all remember me.

Cool skater guy.

Oh, my God.

Really cool guy.

Nick games, Nick.

Social butterfly, just going to parties every night.

You used to have so many friends.

I was like just such a cool guy.

You were really a man about town, dude.

It's really, it's like, because I feel like that's the other thing, too.

Everybody.

Wait, can we call stuff?

Yeah, we will.

Jesus Christ.

Sorry, I cut you off.

We try and, you know,

all right, yeah, I'll just call stuff.

No, no, no, no, you're right.

I didn't mean to cut you off.

You are.

I didn't mean to cut you off, dude.

I don't want a Neil Young situation right now.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I respect you.

We will do.

You're my favorite comedian and my best friend.

We will absolutely do it your way.

we gotta call stop because he's got coronavirus we explained that on the premium episode this week but he can't come in

because he's got a quarantine because he is sick with coronavirus sounds like shit

Hello, my dick is hard.

Yo, sorry, it's a little bit late.

We started the episode, and I was like going on, like, I was like literally right in the middle of a good riff.

No, come on, dude.

And Adam's like, wait, wait, can we call Stav?

Well, because

I wanted the three of us to be in the middle of the day.

How fucking dare you?

Honestly, you just committed the two cardinal sins against me and Nick.

Nick interrupting his rift, me making me do this podcast more than I have to.

Right, exactly.

And the only reason I was riffing, literally the only reason is like, you know what, it'd be nice to stop if I can eat up how delighted he'd be to hear that four minutes are gone.

You know what I can't?

You know what I can't wait to do, guys?

Literally right in the middle of it.

Wait a minute.

I said, can we call Stav?

I wanted him to hear this great shit.

Wait, you know what?

You don't need to hear it?

You can catch me up later.

In fact, Adam, when are you going to learn?

He does the riff without me.

Then we spend another five minutes redoing the riff for me.

He could do the riff again.

And then we get double the fucking mileage out of it.

I'm fucking.

It's been five, what is it, six years?

What are you doing?

We've been on this podcast for 15 years.

Do you want to talk about your project you're starting once this ends?

Shut the fuck up.

No, I'm just a minute because

I'm not going to shit on it, but it would be funny to riff out how that would go.

So you're going to shit on it.

No, we're not going to shit on it.

I mean, what do you mean, shut up, dude?

You have a thing.

He's a project of turning his penis into a pussy?

No.

No.

Okay, all right.

If you want to talk about the project.

He's got a quote-unquote project he's working on.

If the big project is another podcast.

Just doing more podcasts.

That's not true.

He's starting his own Patreon and just doing this.

Can I say what it is?

Okay, can I say what it is without you making fun of it?

Yeah.

Okay.

We shouldn't do this.

Honestly, I'm trying to protect you, Adam.

Don't do it.

Okay, please.

Don't reveal it.

No, no, no, no.

Okay.

Just give me a chance.

Let me elevate a pitch, okay?

You guys are executives at Netflix.

I'm going to give you my pitch.

Okay.

Yeah.

After this podcast is over,

my goal.

is to bridge the divide between the Israelis and Palestinians through humor.

you know what I changed my mind that's a beautiful plan I'm gonna do a show in the Janine refugee camp are you saying are you gonna put are you gonna put um clown wigs and clown noses on uh hella fighter helicopters as you're as you're shelling now they create peace obviously

you're not gonna be on the podcast right what are you talking about you're just gonna produce you're producing it you're like booking people you're not actually gonna be on this this podcast that's supposed to bring people together.

No, Nick, what I'm going to do is I'm going to bomb so hard on both sides of the fence that it's going to bring them together.

They're going to hate you so much that they're going to forget their differences.

I don't understand why it wouldn't go exactly how you'd expect is that the Israeli army would just use your podcast to blast into Gaza to torture people.

Oh, like Zero Dark 30.

Yeah.

Instead of Def Leopard over and over again in a blast.

They're playing your podcast over and over again.

And some guy's like, please, I just want to see my kids.

Yeah, it's a movie called Zero Original Jokes.

That's good.

That's good.

It starts off with

what's his name?

Jason Clark?

Who?

The actor in the beginning of Zero Doctor.

I don't remember your guy.

I haven't seen that movie.

Is that movie just like the cold open as a guy just fucking like waterboarding somebody?

I only saw it once, but one of my number ones is in that movie jessica

what do you mean one of your number you got to really fucking stop

what are you talking about you really try and retcon your whole fucking life yeah pretend you've always liked girls that look like jessica you know what's crazy man is like we this was this was just this is exactly where the riff was going before he

no

can we both stop

this stuff this coronavirus i want to hang out with middle-aged guys middle-aged guys retconning themselves Yeah.

That's what we're talking about.

You just live your whole life as a fucking loser, and then you hit...

You get too old.

I haven't been a loser.

You get too old to be cool.

And you were like, damn, I was cool.

I was.

I was cool.

Dude, shut the fuck up, Nick.

During COVID, you got into manga and anime

at 35.

Dude.

Yeah, that shit would be cool.

I wish I could.

I wish I had the attention span.

I wish I had the intellectual capacity to understand Attack on Titan.

No, that one's kind of fucking boring.

My roommate showed me that shit.

The same shit kept happening.

Here's my problem with anime: there's 800 fucking episodes that all could be chopped down, make it four seasons, but instead it's like eight fucking, it's like 14 seasons.

It's all fucking 60 episodes.

This girl made me watch.

And then this girl made me watch.

This girl made me watch it.

She was like,

if you don't like this, then

this shit ain't happening.

That's a deal breaker.

Whoa.

So she made me, she made me watch it.

And she's like, if we watch this first episode and you don't like, if you're not, like, mind is not blown.

And then we watch it, and it's about like, okay, there's this gay ass little village.

And they're cut off from the world because they're surrounded by giants.

And the little boy wants to be a soldier.

And then the giants breach the wall and kill his whole family.

Right.

You know, and it's like, if that is not the most like boring,

here's the thing.

So it's generic.

It's generic.

It's generic.

I'm down for that.

I'm down for a nice.

Listen, we talked about this.

Actually, we will talk about this on Sunday's episode.

I like it.

I love revenge.

Revenge is one of my favorite fucking genres.

That's fine.

Let him become, but you're right.

It is like the go-to.

And, you know, plot point of every one of those fucking, like, you know, it's like it's star wars it's you know whatever the fuck you want to say that's every show yeah it's just there's no real emotional depth to that i mean it's like it's oh your mom got killed by giants and now you got i'm sure the giants mean something

right right right there must be some metaphor whatever the fuck at the surface level you don't you don't respect me enough as a viewer of your shit to not like serve me some like you know sentimental garbage you know and here's the other thing i watched a bunch of that show it just takes too long like it's like one whole season before they fight a fucking giant and you don't and they're trained and the giants are fucking here like nude and you don't see their penis you don't see their pussies you don't see their penis you don't want to fuck the giants they're not like sexy big giantesses they're like they got weird fucked up like smiles and the only anime i ever liked was the cool devices series What's that?

What's that?

They're different.

Like it's a, it's a, I think they're unrelated, but each one, like, there's like the only overlapping theme is that a woman is raped by, you know, like a like some kind of like monster.

A blender.

Yeah, a blender.

Oh, like a steampunk rap.

Yeah, or like a.

Those are the cool devices.

Yeah, like a tentacle raping sort of machine.

A printer rapes her.

Yeah, right.

A lamp rapes her.

It's like

cool devices.

That, it's like, obviously, okay,

that takes the revenge thing to a much further level.

You can't relate to being raped by a toaster that's also an octopus.

Yeah.

I'd like to watch that and try not to come, you know?

Right, of course.

I wouldn't last 30 seconds.

Here we go.

Obviously, the OGs we've talked about.

Cool devices.

Yeah, Cool Devices is a series of hentai pornographic videos released

as OVA.

The series consists of 11 mainly unrelated episodes referred to as Operations and is most noted for its very extreme sexual content, most of which centers on BDSM and similar fetish themes.

Wow.

As well as its high production values.

I told you guys a story about how my mom, because we loved Dragon Ball Z, obviously, and my mom wanted to be cool and bought my brother, like, rented from the library, because that's where we got all our fucking,

this is a poor life hack.

Everyone knows about this, I would hope, where you can get free movies from the library, public library.

You don't have to go to Blockbuster.

Anyway, my mom would always get us movies and shit.

And she picked up my brother what she thought.

Like, we watched Dragon Ball Z, and then we also watched that.

I don't know if you guys know Ronan Warriors.

That one was sick.

And then she just got him.

Just, it looked like, you know, just some

just looked like anime or whatever.

And it was straight up fucking.

I don't even know why they had it in the library.

It was straight up and die.

And my brother's like fucking nine years old.

They had that at the library?

Yes, dude.

And my brother's like nine or ten, and he thought he was just going to watch like, you know, some cool fucking, you know, guy with superpowers or whatever.

And and it's literally like a guy fucking like it's it's not quite beautiful machines or whatever the fuck yours is but it's it's it was like a guy fucking some like young and it's always like it's almost always child porn

yeah this is like this is this is this is a sample cool devices episode this is the kind of anime i'm into operation 8 slave warrior maya one

the first of a two episode story arc and based on from a manga series of the same name this so it has a literary underpinning this episode begins the story of Maya Misutani an average Japanese college student who is transported to an alternate dimension and inadvertently fulfills a prophecy Maya is transported to another world where she meets two lizard-like creatures who use trickery to convince her to take off all of her clothes

what's it called devices cool devices operation 8 slave warrior maya okay i'm just gonna do a little research myself she says she the lizards trick her into taking off her clothes and she's sold into slavery to lord Estelagar, and is used in experiments to turn her into a sex slave.

She escapes and evades recapture by using a hidden power within herself to slaughter her opponents.

This display of power gets the attention of two warring human and alien factions.

Maya is recaptured, subjected to more sexual experiments.

Damn, they got my bitch Maya back in the zone

in the fuck palace.

And then she's transformed into a hermaphrodite.

No, they give her a con?

She's transferred to hermaphrodite, and then she's

transferred into a dominatrix, or she's transferred to a dominatrix who is given instructions to break her will and turn her into a sex slave keep in mind she's been now three different iterations of sex slaves dude i'm looking i'm watching this actually on um on

hulu

h a h h a well i'm sorry h-a-h-o.ma you know how netflix their like stock price dropped like 60 overnight what if they're like we're getting we're getting rid of password sharing and also we're putting the cool devices series on the main page they gotta put a hand tonight we're going full hand

Dude, she's getting her fucking pussy popped by some guy with iron hands right now.

Yeah, in captivity, Maya meets another slave, Lena, who is not used for sex, and then in parentheses, until the end of the episode.

Nice.

Damn, honestly, this bitch is kind of good.

She's kind of hot, honestly.

I'm looking, I'm watching this.

A robot's got pussy juice all over his head.

I love this.

Yeah, so it's a robot that's finger-popping her, checking her out.

And she's being raped, and she's so wet.

It's in a

she's dripping because she's like stop but her pussy loves it they escape but they are quickly caught lena is punished through sexual intercourse meanwhile the dominatrix implants a parasitic alien mass into maya's uterus through her mechanically stretched vagina to lower her inhibitions and forces her to copy lane with lena

dude they got her they got her hooked up there's a there's a tube in her pussy and the little lizards are like hey my bad we you we just saw that you were a nice piece piece of pussy pie, and we know we could get a

nice they're just like, our bad, you were just going to be expensive.

And now they're now they're tugging on the on the metal that's in her pussy right now, they're just hanging out, they're not even sexually doing it, they're just like, Oh, this is kind of nice, this is a nice machine.

Are you trying not to come right now, Sav?

You know, I'm really not that aroused by this.

I also did beat off this morning, maybe three hours ago, as soon as I woke up.

I was very horny this morning, so I did jack off.

I was uh, I I had a very specific, vivid

memory of two different girls I fucked, and I was like, you know what, this is cool.

My brain has kind of made this a mashup.

I'm just going to go a natural.

I'm just going to beat off.

Did you text them to ask their permission to jack off to that memory?

To ask for their consent?

No, but I, you know what?

It sounds a little rapey vibes to me.

I'm about to tell.

I'm actually, listen, I'll be texting them as soon as fucking COVID, I get a negative test.

I forgot to I just remembered I forgot to fucking add cool devices to my letterboxbox account

They have porn on letterbox now

cool devices

Dude, they really are just what

I can't add how is everybody gonna know that I watched a movie

Dude, what is going on here?

Everybody's gonna think I didn't like that I'm not like a cool guy who's seen mad movies if I can't I gotta be on it.

Yeah if I can't add cool devices

Yeah, they're not gonna know you're a a cinephile.

Yeah.

Damn, dude, this bitch straight up has a sword.

And she's slicing these fuckers up, dude.

Honestly, she hasn't.

She got a finger-popped by the robot to check her pussy out, but I haven't seen her get fucked fully yet.

So I'm just kind of going through this kind of.

She's in a mecha suit.

I know it's a cartoon, but I don't like hearing about women being mistreated like this.

Oh, she's back.

They got the thing in her pussy again.

Dude, Japan is awesome.

When was this made?

Probably like 1996.

I'm looking at it right now.

Oh, no, they got things tied up to her fucking tits now, too.

She's got the whole thing going.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I see the cock.

Her pussy.

Her clit is growing into a cock.

Yeah.

Oh, dude.

She's got the power.

She's got huge tits.

They're making her tits bigger, and they're making her clit.

Kind of, honestly, not that big of a dick, honestly.

It's kind of like a regular size cock, you know, it's I'm reading, uh, I'm reading.

Oh, never mind.

I spoke too soon.

The cock is turning huge.

I'm sure.

Oh, and it's coming now.

I'm sure it is.

You know what?

It didn't turn huge.

It just busted.

I'm reading a Japanese person's description of this, and it's much better.

Maya is like a combination between She-Ra and Prince Adam, where she starts out as a plain and simple young woman who might still be in her late school years and just in time ready for graduate.

She eventually becomes the most powerful woman in the universe.

She's Hillary Clinton.

Another pun, LMAO, which I don't know, maybe a Tom Meyer-style pun there.

When she finds that mysterious sword she pulled out after getting herself sucked in by a magical portal inside the bad guy's castle, beats me why the heck it would be locked inside, awaiting for the hero while she was held prisoner there.

This is one of those scenes that will continue to confuse us for years to come

since we won't know, anyways.

Here are some of the screenshots of Maya's cool transformation.

Does her look scream She-Ra or He-Man or all of our fans out here?

Oh, now they got her.

They got her cock in like a little.

I'm on episode.

This is a two-parter.

They have her cock in like a little plastic or a little glass device.

I think

shielding it.

Interesting.

And they've turned her nipples an even brighter shade of pink.

Oh,

okay.

Now a woman is fucking her.

Maybe that's why they gave her a cot.

You're crazy.

This shit was banned in Canada.

This is what drove Jordan Peterson insanity.

She's like, I've been waiting for years for the eighth installment on cool devices.

What happens to Maya's pussy and cool devices?

This is my understanding of the yin-yang symbol.

This is Dow.

This is the third way is to be raped.

Guys, you're going to want to go to Patreon.com.

Oh, wait, her pussy, her cock disappears.

Patreon.com/slash come town to understand the context of that riff.

Yep.

Yep.

Oh, now she's eating.

Now there's an evil red-haired lady eating Maya's pussy.

Damn.

And she seems to really be enjoying it.

Oh, now her, so I don't get what's going on.

I think

they kind of share a cock or they kind of, one can take the cock off the other one.

It's kind of like an it's kind of like, or maybe when she's in distress, her cock appears, because right now

she's just getting finger-popped and getting her pussy eaten.

That's crazy.

This is just Japanese schizophrenia.

Yeah.

This is what the.

If you're like a sexless Japanese guy and you develop schizophrenia, this is what your mind produces.

I'll never forget when we went into that.

I just saw a story that said D.

Oh, oh, dude.

Her clit is turning into a cock.

This is awesome.

While she's getting her clit.

So basically, the evil lady is pulling a cock out of her clit.

Wow, very interesting stuff.

I'm sorry to interrupt.

I just wonder.

Oh, that's all right.

I'll just say when we're interruption happens sometimes.

It's not bad.

Well, you know, if there's a reason, if you know, if you're watching something, if it's time-centered.

It's not the end of the world.

Yeah, it's also too.

If, like,

if you do it once in a blue moon and it's not every single day, constantly always.

Now, now she's getting jacked off and getting her tits rubbed by a woman.

This is the best show I've ever seen in my life.

I wish girls were like that in real life, huh?

I know.

I wish girls had awesome tits and big juicy cocks.

Sounds like the perfect woman.

Best of both worlds.

Complete anime DVD, cool devices, one through 11

on Amazon.

You love box sets.

$199.

$199.

That's a fucking thing.

That's a steal.

In this economy,

you take away factor for inflation.

This would have been $20 last year.

So,

folks, this is Mullen's deal of the century.

So, check it out.

You're going to want to make sure you first subscribe to patreon.com/slash Cometown.

Sign up for that.

And then, with your leftover $200, go to Amazon and pick up the complete anime DVD cool devices operations one through.

Exactly.

And if you have any money left, consider purchasing a gun and doing a political assassination of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito.

That's something to consider.

We're not saying do it, but

think about it.

Oh, right.

What happened?

Consider doing that.

We talked about it Sunday.

This is the problem with us recording out of order, but you know, the Supreme Court.

Yeah, we didn't.

Hold on, I'm going to challenge that.

We didn't actually talk about it.

No, we went deep.

We briefly mentioned it.

So now.

No, dude, we did a full legal

because Adam, as we all know, was a

I'm an anti-abortion.

Well, I'm saying we could also do that now.

Right.

That's true.

You know?

Yeah, so the fucking Supreme Court did some shit, and now you can't get abortions.

And, you know,

or maybe, I don't know.

The Supreme Cunt.

The Supreme Cunt.

The Supreme Serving Cunt.

Which I love as a phrase, by the way, serving cunt.

I didn't get into that last one.

You mentioned serving cunt on Sunday's episode, Adam.

And I gotta say, that's one of my favorite phrases.

Oh, yeah.

So, yeah.

I believe what it means is that a trans woman is so feminine that she passes as having.

They also say that's fish.

But it's been co-opted to just now you just look good if you serve cunts.

Yeah, now it's me and the rest of the Karens took it.

So you, like, Adam, for example, if you were wearing like, you know, beige, like chinos and like,

I don't know, like some kind of oversized Japanese raincoat and

loafers that an old man should wear,

you and your friends would be like, Adam, you're serving cunt right now.

That's cunt.

As an example.

That's cunt.

But anyway, yeah, go ahead.

Did you have some thoughts you wanted to say about the matter?

You know, it's funny, I'm looking at this now.

Kumiko Nishihara played Slave Girl Mind, Slave Warrior My.

And to be like, so you go to her profile, and it says she's a Japanese voice actress.

So this bitch is like in Japan, you're like, you're like, hey, you're like Garfield, you know, like your Barney's friend.

And then you're going, and then you're taking your lunch break, and then you're heading back to the office to record six hours of you being raped

by a mecha lizard.

And they're like, okay, take a two.

Okay, no.

Oh,

very good.

Tekatri.

Now we want to hear what it sounds like when your clit is turning into a big juicy cock.

Moragushiku.

Moragushiku.

Nasty.

Yeah, does she have to also put her pussy up to the microphone and make the gushy sound?

No, she has to make it real.

Or do you think there's separate

pussy voice actresses?

No, they're like pussies.

No, they're like Foley artists.

They're like guys that are like,

yeah, they're like putting their fingers in mayonnaise.

Yeah, they're going to make it sound like Gushy Pussy.

They're making mac and cheese.

They're finding wet leaves.

The Halloween, like, you know, this was his guts.

Oh, yeah, these are his eyes.

Yep, they're peeling grapes.

And stepping on them.

That would probably sound like Gushy Pussy.

Slave Warrior Maya.

Dude, this is so funny.

This bitch, she's just like

at the premiere of the Simpsons movie.

Was she?

Yeah, bio net worth age dating wiki.

Who's she dating?

I have no idea.

That voice actress lady.

I'm gonna move.

You know, you know, a woman voices Goku in Japan.

What?

That, like, I guess it's virtuous to have a high-ass pitched voice.

So heroes often sound like bitches.

And evil guys have cool, sinister, deep voices.

Damn, that's the opposite of where it is here.

The hero is supposed to have a deep voice, and the villain's a homo.

A homosexual.

We're going to steal the magic.

Come on.

What do you mean?

Yeah, James Adomi has a great bit about how every Disney villain is gay.

Yeah, I mean, it's true.

Every villain of all time is gay.

Pick angels.

I don't think that's true.

The emperor fag.

Which emperor?

In the Star Wars.

True.

Palpatine.

Yoda's a fag.

Palpatine seems like he could rape children, though, of all kinds.

That's a type of gay, I guess.

Somebody's supporting the don't say gay bill, or whatever it is.

You know, I'll support the don't call me gay, Bill.

I'm more of a libertarian in that regard.

You can say whatever you want, but if you call me gay, you're going to jail, pal.

You're going to fire.

Yeah, that that is libertarian, actually.

That's very libertarian of you.

You call me gay, guess what?

I'm going to stand my ground.

You're doing a hard time.

Yeah.

You call me gay, or you make me tell you how old my girlfriend is, you're going to have a problem, pal.

I think we should give teachers the right to shoot any student that talks about LGBTQ stuff in school.

The teachers should be

compromised.

Yeah, I think teachers should be armed.

And if a student brings up, the teachers aren't allowed to teach that stuff, but if a student brings it up, then she's allowed to, in defense of the other children, to shoot them.

Yes.

If you want to, privately at home, you want to groom your children to be LGBTQ.

I'm going to do a cool bit now where I'm like, how many letters?

What's the next?

LGBT

LGBTMO,

bacon lettuce to me.

Yeah.

How many letters do these fucking homos need?

L-M-N-O-P.

I remember when it was just H-O-M-O.

That's right.

I remember when those are the only fucking letters they had.

And they, you know, fucking, if you want to do that in the privacy of your home,

guess what?

I also have a problem with that.

But

when I'm complaining about the schools, I'm going to pretend it's just the schools I got a problem with.

If you want to be gay in the privacy of your home, go for it until we've made it.

For right now.

For right now.

Until this law gets done.

Until this one's done.

And then guess who's coming and knocking?

Guess who's about to stand their ground in your house?

I'm going to fucking knock on the door, walk in, and if you ask me to leave,

blam a libertarian style.

Yeah, or whatever.

I don't know.

Politics now is just killing people you don't like.

I think that's you want the people you don't like should go to jail.

Or you should be assassinated.

They should be assessed.

They should be killed.

They shouldn't have a job or any way to, they shouldn't have health care.

And the people you do like, well, they better be fucking all of them.

They better stay on their P's and Q's.

They better be on their LGB P's and Qs.

Oh,

I think we have to talk about a fun product.

I think you got to suck my dick.

Come on, Nick.

I'm not in the room right now, so I can't really gauge it, but I do think Nick's right, Adam.

Yeah, we're talking about the Ridge wallet.

And no stop, I didn't say the fridge wallet.

Hey, what the fuck?

But that would be pretty cool.

Imagine that, a wallet with little spaces for a couple of nicer pieces.

You can have a little fucking Diet Coke in there.

Yeah, it opens it up.

Yeah, it's got the little door.

There's a light.

You know,

your money is stored kind of laterally on shelves.

It's cold.

The money's cold, too.

Yeah.

Actually, you know what?

I would walk around with that.

If Ridge Wallet made a miniature fridge that you could open up a little door and there's little tiny sodas and like little lunchables in there.

In fact, if they made an entire Victorian dollhouse filled with

stuff,

I would buy that wallet.

Absolutely.

I would buy it as well.

A Victorian dollhouse filled with miniatures.

Adam is.

I'm on the website for real.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

What do you mean?

No, you're not.

No, you're not.

No, you're not.

We know you're not.

Unbeknownst to the galaxy, Palpatine's spirit lives on.

He secretly masterminds the first order.

I instinctually went to his Wikipedia page to see if it says that he's gay.

Uh-huh.

Oh,

I let...

Slave warrior Maya keep going, and now it looks like she's sucking.

I can't tell.

I think she's sucking her own cock, and she can't stop.

The taste is so delicious to her that she's addicted to it.

So maybe they gave her a dick to train her to suck other cock.

Yeah.

Just the theory.

Anyway, go on.

I didn't see.

I really feel like Hentai could ruin people because imagine you're jacking off to this all the time and you've never had sex at all.

Yeah, a regular pussy could never do it for you.

Yeah, you can't turn into it.

And then you're what?

You're just going to fuck, and then it's just none of this is happening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

None of it.

You're like,

where's the machine?

Yeah.

Where's the cool device?

It takes me to another dimension and gets me like drunk off pussy juice and rips my skin off.

Right.

I will say,

from what I can tell, there's not that many machines.

I think it's a little bit of a misleading title.

Or device.

There's not that many devices.

Not anyway.

That's neither here nor there.

You know what's a really great device?

The Ridge Wallet.

The Ridge Wallet.

That's right.

And there's an entire line of products, which includes everyday carry products as well, which sounds like a gun, but it's not.

They have key cases, pens, knives, phone cases.

They have travel bags, commuter packs, packable bags, weekenders, duffles.

Let's not get into the argument again about the backpack stop.

These are slim.

I forgot about it until you brought it up.

These are slim, expandable, low-profile.

This is what

the modern gentleman uses.

Not a big fat wallet like your grandfather with a pocket constitution in it.

This is minimalist design.

I love it.

You can get Ridge Wallet in various different formats.

Aluminum, titanium, carbon fiber, premium.

There's a gold one, I believe.

Right?

Wow.

We're looking at this featured on YouTube.

That's so.

For $150,

they have the Victorian Dollhouse basement floor.

Not on Ridge Wallet, but some of the...

No, this is on Ridge Wallet's website.

Enhance your child's Victorian Dollhouse with the basement floor extension.

Stairs connect the basement floor to the entrance on the first floor.

Children or adults can continue their imaginative play with additional space for dolls, furniture, and stuffed friends.

And you want to check that out at ridgewallet.com.

I had no idea they were doing so much.

Yeah, no,

it's mainly wallets, men's apparel stuff, and then

Victorian dollhouse.

Victorian dollhouse.

For boys.

Yeah.

Of course.

It's not just for girls.

Of course, for boys.

I'm going to move to the Bay Area and start a startup where it's a Victorian dollhouse for boys company, but every piece, everything in the dollhouse has a canonical address.

So

every dollhouse in the world, you can know what other dollhouses are doing.

And I produce nothing, but I get...

hundreds of millions of dollars in VC startup in investor money yeah and then I and then I just take the money and leave that's a great idea and then uh and that's

that's uh that's how I understand that's what I think hard work means in America that's my understanding of being a hard worker that respects the cultures and values and doesn't ask for my student loan repayment

you know

I took I should have read the contract you know exactly that's on me and now it's on me to work hard and pay that money off and I need to do that by

participating in this giant Ponzi scheme

with my high-tech dollhouse for boys plan.

And you know what?

At ridgewallet.com.

At ridgewallet.com.

And I think that's a fucking beautiful

go for it.

You go to ridgewallet.com, you read, they have over 50,000 five-star reviews on their website.

You read each and every one of those.

Make sure that you're ready to go buy an RFID blocking front pocket wallet.

And once you've come to a conclusion as a responsible, logical consumer, you check out,

you put in promo code.

Is it promo code?

Yeah, either Comtown or Cometown 20.

You put in promo code either Cometown or Cometown20 at checkout.

You can suck me down at Ridgewallet.penis.

Suck Nick Down at RidgeWallet.

Go online and suck me down at the website.

This is the number one rated wallet in the world.

That's so fucking true.

Is Victoria's Secret supposed to be Queen Victoria?

I think it's a bitch named Victor.

I don't think Queen Victoria.

Which one wasn't one of them Never Got Cock in Her Life?

Or was that Elizabeth, the original Elizabeth?

Yeah, that was the original Elizabeth.

I don't know.

Queen Victoria definitely had, you know.

Queen Victoria is an ugly bitch, dude.

I'm on her Wikipedia right now.

Yeah, she looked like shit.

Well, they all look.

They all looked so she was cousins with this bitch.

Looks horrific.

She's cousins with Tsar Nicholas and King Leopold.

All the royals around that time were cousins with each other.

Yeah.

So that's why Queen Victoria looks like this bitch looks like the penguin.

She looks like King George.

She straight up looks like Danny DeVito

with a sharper nose.

This bitch has a sharp nose.

Yeah.

Oh, dude.

Ew.

Oh, my God.

These motherfuckers thought they were better than everyone.

That's so funny, dude.

Meaning a king is hysterical.

They were better, dude.

They had palaces.

I know.

But, you know, they look like shit.

If you were a queen, you should be able to fucking have big titties, be fucking sexy as shit.

Or, you know, whatever.

Know how to do affairs of the state.

Yeah.

But it's got to be one or the other.

If we had a queen.

I don't think did either one.

If we had a queen.

Well, maybe she did.

Stop.

You ever see George V and Nicholas II?

I'm sure you've seen that.

I don't think I have.

Look at King George V, then look at Tsar Nicholas II.

Okay, I'm looking at George V.

Is that the guy who quit before?

Oh my god, it looks fucking exactly like yeah, they're the same guy.

All of these motherfuckers,

they're all like brothers and sisters of each other.

Yeah, they're German kings.

They all just got fucking little kingdoms.

Well, yeah, well, that's

like the Age of Empires ended because all these motherfuckers made millions of people die to settle their petty familial disputes damn i want to play age of empires dude it's good i downloaded it you've been playing

dude covet has turned me into like i've never been a computer guy right we all know that i we didn't have internet since i was a fuck like we got entered in my house when i was like 13 or 12 it was fucking dial up right so i wasn't really not on the internet heavy at any point in my life but because i had covet and somehow George, my roommate, didn't I've been staying either in the office or in my room.

I don't go to the common areas.

So I've been doing a lot of like hanging out at the computer.

Bro, I downloaded Age of Empires.

I was getting high as fuck.

I was watching movies on the computer.

I was just having lunches here.

It was like, I get, I totally understand

a big fat internet loser lifestyle.

You want to do on the computer is go to ridgewallet.com and check it out.

And I was on ridgewallet.com for hours on end, looking at all the wonderful products and thinking, wow, once I test negative for COVID and I have places to be and money and credit cards to hold, I'm putting my shit in a fucking awesome fucking carbon fiber ass ridge wallet or something.

I'm getting a speckled, I'm getting forged ember, an aluminum-infused carbon finish.

That's what I'm getting.

I'm getting the real tree camo one.

You can't pull that off.

Yes, I can, dude.

You don't have camo in you, Deb.

I have like a gummo kind of vibe.

No, you don't.

You're a fucking gummo.

No.

You're a piece of shit.

No, you're the tree.

You're a piece of shit.

No, actually, you're the one who's a hummo and hummo on like a hum job.

You hum on my nuts.

Yeah.

Which I never understood why they called giving head a hummer.

Because it's the coolest, like the coolest car.

That's not, but they get getting your dick sucked existed way before the hummer did.

I make

by thousands of years.

I make girls hum when I'm getting sucked.

No, you don't.

Yeah, make them hum the Israeli national anthem.

Okay, so go to ridgewallet.com, promo code COMTOWN or something, or maybe there's no promo code.

I don't know.

Did you say you bought a prostitute on birthright?

No.

A Russian prostitute?

He did.

He did.

He did.

No, I didn't.

That's so funny.

I didn't go on birthright.

I found it.

Go to birthright.

You literally did, bro.

Didn't go on birthright.

Probably the most fascist thing you can do is go on birthright.

Jesus Christ, Nick.

You're a piece of shit.

Freaking.

piece of i'm here to support you but you did go on birthright and if it wasn't technically birthright it was something that was basically the same thing i went to a strip club in tel aviv and they go didn't you go didn't you have to take like little classes about how pure and perfect israel was or something No, I mean, we had, listen, we all wore similar uniforms to the Nazi youth and we did marches every morning, but it's not the same thing.

We all wore khaki short shorts and khaki shirts and

did goose-stepping or whatever it's called.

Anyways, going on birthright's got to be one of the most fascist things you can do.

Yeah, absolutely.

To do that.

Oh, my God.

To do that and then be like, ah, this isn't enough.

I got to buy a sex slave also.

I didn't do that.

Hold on, hold on.

I've talked about this on the show before.

I went to a strip club in Tel Aviv when I was 18 years old.

Why were you in Israel, Adam?

To get pussy, because regular girls weren't going to fuck me.

But why did you go to Israel?

Because I did a gap year in Israel.

I've talked about this at great length.

You can make me defend being hated.

No, but you're over here being hateful.

Wow, I didn't have the right opinions when I was 18 years old.

Hold on.

So, hold on.

I know.

First of all, you want to excuse that, but then in the same breath, turn around and say that people are responsible for their student loans and they should have understood the contracts.

What?

No, I don't know.

Just to be clear,

Nick, I had

you didn't go to college.

You went on a whole rant.

I graduated seventy thousand dollars in debt and you went on a whole rant about how you worked very hard on come down to pay off

every and everyone should have to work even harder than you yes that's not true that's not true you say that all the time anytime it comes up and we're all hanging out with our friends that have debt you say if people i didn't work this hard being the third guy on a podcast listen to to see other people get their fucking loans forgiven just like that i wouldn't remember we were on the golf course i was there because one of the retarded children i take care of works there, and I had to bring him to work as a caddy.

You were there

with.

Yeah, you were there putting cigarettes out on one of the other retarded children.

One of the other retarded children.

Because he gave you the three-iron instead of the four-person.

Yeah, but with your friends Eric Prince and

Jared Kushner.

Jared Kushner.

Thank you for reminding me of your friends that there was happening and confirming that it happened.

Well, they're my friends.

And

you said, I think this afternoon I shall get myself a Palestinian sex slave,

and then after

I'm going to purchase some student loan debt,

and instead of forgiving it, I'm going to pursue it with extreme prejudice.

And you use your off-mic voice.

You're using your official voice.

You're doing my cool voice.

My cool voice that I actually

sound like.

That is my cool southern dandy voice.

I believe I will purchase some black medical debt and pursue it with extreme prejudice.

listen I'm

I believe this afternoon I shall enjoy myself the fine sweetness almost almost is like a sweet summer berry

black medical debt

black cancer the profits

the profits of black chemotherapy

listen i've said this before and i'm not embarrassed to say it

i was I was heavily invested.

I was heavily.

I was really lightheaded.

Well, I'm glad you're feeling better.

I was heavily invested

as a bar mitzvah gift, my grandfather gave me an incredibly,

I guess it amounts to 1 to 2% of the mobile home industry in this country.

and then because you did such a good job reading the torah and then when bernie ran against hillary i realized that it wouldn't get me i couldn't get pussy unless i sold it so right right because you didn't want to be a landlord anyway dude life is a life is a highway man you gotta you can't you listen i you can't be like don't flip-flop you know you gotta learn you gotta learn

you gotta learn man you gotta learn yes yes i was a a zionist uh Hitler youth as a child.

Yes, of course.

But what's important is that you guys go to ridgewall.com.

And also, what's also important is that you come out and see me and my friends do stand-up comedy.

My date's coming up here for the end of this tour.

Washington, D.C.

next week.

All shows are sold out, but we're trying to add maybe a Thursday or a Sunday show.

Then I'm going to be in San Diego.

We just added another Thursday.

All the shows are sold out.

And then

Philadelphia.

Oh, and then, of course,

the fucking,

fuck, I have to add this to my calendar.

I don't remember when it is.

But I'm at Providence.

I'm at the Comedy Connection because I couldn't go due to having coronavirus.

So I will be there in Providence.

All tickets.

It was sold out.

All tickets is rescheduled from this weekend.

Now it's going to be on June 9th through the 12th.

And then I'm going to be in Philadelphia June 16th to the 18th.

And much more importantly, go to my YouTube channel, Stavros Halkis, Stavi Baby.

I will be releasing my special.

It's very close.

The editor is taking forever.

I want to fucking shoot this guy with a gun, but we're so close.

I think, I don't want to give a date yet, but I'm pretty positive it will be the last,

one of the last two weekends in May.

Cross your fingers.

Subscribe to the YouTube channel.

It's coming out on YouTube.

I just want people to see it.

That's that.

Those are my plugs.

Fellas, where are you going to be?

Guys.

I believe you're in Boston this weekend.

I'm in Boston Boston this weekend.

I'm in Raleigh in

May and then Portland and then

Carolina on Broadway and then Chicago.

Great club.

Are you going to Helium?

And I'll be in Chicago.

I think now I'm adding Buffalo at the beginning of July, then Chicago.

Then after that, I'll be in Indianapolis and then

Phoenix.

Yeah, so it's going to be a busy summer.

I'll be all over the place.

The Road Dog.

The Moldog Road Dog.

And guys, next, I swear to God, we've been having some supply chain issues, but next week I will be dropping

my fashion line, my merchandise.

Second of all, I'm announcing West Coast dates in the next couple of weeks.

And

also, if you're in the New York City area, we have funny moms every Monday, except for the first Monday of the month.

Come on, everybody, at 8 p.m.

They've been great recently.

So come get sucked, as Stav Rose would say.

Go

ahead.

Get your little dick sucked.

What else?

Do we have another read or just one read for this one?

There was just one for this one.

Oh, that's a real shame because we would have been gliding to the end.

Our sponsors have a lot of things.

Well, but hold on.

You have to understand that just because there was one read means we did it in 30 minutes.

Oh, true, true, true.

So, truth be told, we got 10 more minutes.

Woo!

That's huge.

That's really big.

Anyways, that's awesome.

Where were we?

So, Adam on the golf course right

and he's

he's wearing he's wearing this

the severed hands of african children as shoes as an as she up yeah he has them he has the the rigamortis so they're like claw shaped so they make them but he's standing at about 5'10 with these platform

oh he's using them kind of as high heels he's using them as high heels he's wearing these sort of african hand high heels one of those

i've never seen those shoes.

Those sound evil and despicable.

They are.

So one of the first hand is like Olympus.

This is not true.

This is one of the fronts.

While behind that, imagine a hand setting up to shoot a pool cube.

Yes, yes.

And they're sewn together to create sort of this sinister kind of gay.

Never happened.

But gay in two different ways.

Gay, high heels.

You're gay.

The hands are gay.

You're wearing them gay.

The hands have nail polish.

They have nail polish.

Then there's two, the strap on the top is two hands doing like the shy emoji finger touching thing.

Yes.

And that's how it claps.

He's wearing the

severed.

It's four.

Each shoe is four severed hands off African shoes.

With French manicure.

You're saying, this is in Minecraft.

This is parody.

No, this is not true.

This is Adam on

the golf course.

This is not true.

The retarded adult that I take care of out of the goodness of my heart works.

Yeah, your slave.

Your slave.

How is he my slave?

He doesn't do anything.

Because you don't pay him.

No, I don't pay him to work.

What does he do?

I don't pay him to do what?

I try.

He fills your heart with laughter and love.

No, I do that myself.

No,

he gives you a lot of love.

If there's anything, if there's anything, you can say what anything you want.

You can say what anything you want about me.

But one thing that is 100% true that everyone will agree with is

filled with laughter and love.

I bring joy to the world weekly on this show.

Bye, weekly.

Buy weekly.

Because it's a hard world out there, and guys like me are the reason that retards like that can get to their job at the Trump golf course where you

prance around in your gay little slave hand shoes.

Right, right, right.

Yes, sir.

And talk about buying up black medical debt

for fun.

Because it reminds you of a summer boysenberry dripping with the juices dripping down.

You know it's bad debt.

You know you'll never collect on it, but the idea of desperate black people owing you something and you having power over them just delights you.

To see you, I just do it so I feel worth buying.

No, I do it so I feel more comfortable listening to hip-hop music.

Makes sense.

Name one.

Name one hip-hop song.

The real Slim Shady Eminem.

Okay, name another one.

MM

Pretty Fly for a Jedi.

Come on.

We say you have to, all you had to do was name MM songs.

Name MM songs.

Or take it.

You don't even have to have a diversity in there because you could have gone in a much funnier direction.

As it continues, eventually you're just

fucking like Engelbert, Humperdink, or

Joel songs.

Give me another chance.

It's over, man.

No, it's too late.

it's too late time to time to recover by buying up more black medical debt i will now guys you know one thing that is and look i got to say i'm having a great time over the phone and i think uh i think fans of the show will be horrified to figure out there's a new way that we've figured out to literally phone the episodes in oh yeah i'm having a great time

i think i think the next thing is we we got to get two of us on the phone and one of us with the real one and then eventually all three of us we're just recording a phone call at some point.

Well, what we should do is, what we should do is, here's how this, here's how the show ends: is you have to, no more free episodes.

You got to sign up for the Patreon.

And then when you sign up for the Patreon, all you get is a lottery ticket every week.

And if you're the winner,

then we will call you.

If you answer, the show is over.

If you don't answer,

we will leave a one-hour voicemail.

Just for you.

And that's a special episode.

that's

and you can choose to upload that if you want yeah

no you can't easily we'll dmca you yeah

if you even dare dmca lbtq how many goddamn letters you supposed how many fucking letters these motherfuckers need man i dm i only need one what's next

d d i c k s u c k i'd like to pal

I want to.

I dream about it.

That sounds cool to me.

That'd be great.

What I was going to say, though, is one problem with us being separated by distance is that

we didn't get a chance to talk about what we were going to have for lunch.

Yeah, that's true.

And you guys already ate lunch, so I would love if you called me.

I'm thinking small ball here because what we can now do is have three separate conversations about our different lunch choices.

That's huge.

Now we don't have to agree on anything.

So, Stop, you had oatmeal earlier.

What do you think of it?

I had oatmeal for breakfast i'm thinking sushi something fresh something light fresh fish maybe maybe a three lunch maybe a three roll combo you know that's a classic oh maki roll one of the classic lunches that there are the problem is my favorite spot in the story and i won't say the name um

uh they don't do a three roll combo they do like a little box set but it's like you know man the bento i really I don't want bento.

I want three rolls.

So

I might just have to bite the bullet and just pay full price for the rolls.

Yeah, get them all a cart.

Dude, I think I might be done with Japanese food.

I feel like I just kind of like...

No, don't say that.

I haven't had really good Japanese food in forever.

Because sometimes

once you have really good Japanese, you know what?

Really, the only place in New York I can eat is the Dago Hand Roll Place.

In the Fulton Market.

Yeah, the Decal Market.

That place is good.

Nick, once you do some West Coast dates, there's such good fucking sushi over there.

Yeah, I like it.

You do some Seattle, even LA has incredible sushi.

You just got to get out more, pal.

Good railroads, too.

They have good railroads.

Yeah, and they have

palm ass burritos, too.

Tank ass burritos.

Vancouver had some great sushi in Vancouver while I was out there.

Trains really have a fraught history.

What do you mean?

That is true.

They've had a wild rebrand in the last 10 years of being like, no, we're just for our autistic people.

Yeah, it's true.

Oh, really?

Really, trains?

Yep.

That's your thing?

Is autistic people.

That's the rare PR campaign Jews have lost.

Because trains have been rehabilitated.

Yeah,

I fucking, I can't stand this shit.

You know what really pisses me off?

That

somehow in the last 15 years, it literally became okay to just be a Nazi.

Like, that would just be a thing people are accused of.

And then before, maybe it's died down a bit.

But leading up to Trump, you could be like, yeah, I'm a fascist Nazi.

And then people would have to be like, well he's got different opinions

you know it's like I don't want to ruin my family over politics but

but

for whatever reason just Hitler's mustache cannot be rehabilitated it's a fucking yeah it's a mustache that many people have had which honestly Just for as a matter of convenience, I would like to have myself.

I feel like I would look good with the Hitler mustache, absent the fucking, you know, the connotations that it implies.

No, I'm not trying to.

Charlie Chaplin.

Why can't we say it's a Charlie Chaplin?

Dude, I'd look slick.

I'd look slick.

I would look good.

I actually,

I don't want to step on that.

I don't want to, you know, obviously I'm not accusing you of anything, no Adam-Ree here, but I have a bit about how

it's crazy.

It's crazy that neo-Nazis won't wear a Hitler mustache, but they'll just put a swastika.

on their forehead.

That's sort of the

I haven't I haven't seen that bit.

I'm not accusing you of anything.

I'm just letting you know.

What do you mean by that?

I don't want you to think I,

if I post it or I do it on stage, I don't want you to think I'm not.

No,

that sounds different to me, too, even.

Okay, okay.

Yeah.

Just letting you know.

Well, I'm glad you got a lot of stuff.

I'm just saying.

Well, hold on.

Me and Stop both have a clear track record of writing our own jokes, performing our own jokes.

We can agree on a moment of parallel thinking.

Quite honestly, if you're somebody that is looking at the world and you're mostly thinking, what can I get out of it?

If you're a deep thinker, if I can't, then so you're just going to try and take shots.

What?

A little shot-taking.

You fucking pieces.

You're going to have to make a couple of phone calls, Blue Cross, Blue Shield, and say, Give me your Takeisha files.

You know, I don't have health insurance.

I know.

Yeah, neither do a lot of your,

for lack of a better word, victims.

Oh, the medical debt.

For lack of a better word.

I forgot that.

He searched.

He tried to find a better one.

I tried to be generous.

Yeah, I appreciate the effort.

I appreciate the effort.

You're a good guy, dude.

I'm thinking salmon avocado roll.

I'm thinking spicy tuna roll.

I'm thinking white tuna roll.

And then maybe a little sweet potato roll, wild card.

Nice.

You know what I would like?

I was thinking about this the other day.

A sushi rice, seaweed on the outside, in the middle, a little piece of pumpkin pie, and some Reese's peasies.

Oh, that'd be nice.

Oh, that's your kind of sushi.

And it's, yeah, spooky Japanese.

That'd be cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like that a lot.

Sushi from hell.

That's fucking awesome.

A Reese's cup is kind of a sushi to some extent.

The peanut butter is the fish and the chocolate is the rice.

Yeah.

Okay.

If you can imagine it.

You know I dream to imagine every day.

I know that's something that you would like.

You know I love that, dude.

I kind of got a hankering for Halloween candy now.

I like referring to all candy as Halloween candy just means eating too much candy.

Yeah.

Right.

Well,

you're wearing a gimp mask.

Well, it also implies fun size.

Right.

That's nice because that's like you can see, you can look at the candy and you're not mad because it's smaller than your penis.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You see, you think out of Snickers, you take out a Snickers, it's got a little dick vein, but you take a king size, you're feeling really bad about yourself.

It is true.

If it's Halloween, if it's Halloween candy, you can enjoy it and you can say, ha ha, my dick is bigger than you, candy bar.

Yeah, Snickers does have like a vascular cock vibe about it.

Absolutely.

I haven't considered that.

You have

in your subconscious.

I never thought about the dick vein, but I do like that they got like tread marks on the bottom as a kid.

I always pretended I was eating a tire.

Like a tire, yeah.

Yeah, that's cool.

I was like, and then I'd see cars and I'd be like, damn, I want to eat that tire.

That's what I think.

Anyways, folks, patreon.com slash come town.

Check out the, you know, whatever, the rest of this or the beginning.

I got to say, I love doing these call-in shows.

Yeah, it's been fun.

I'm thinking we're going to just, you know, maybe switch to maybe half call-ins.

Honestly,

you know,

we'll see because the audio quality sounds about the same.

It's easier.

It's easier to pay attention when it's like, because, you know, it's supposed to be consumed in an audio-only format.

When you're hanging out in person, it's very easy to just say and do nothing.

No, I get lost in Sock Russ's eyes.

When it's a phone call, it's like, yeah, you got to be, you know, it's the phone.

Honestly, I'm paying way more attention.

Me too.

Than I would be in person.

So something to think about.

Maybe, you know, when I'm on the road, maybe we do this instead of fucking banking eight episodes next week.

Maybe we bank six and save two for ourselves.

Yeah, we'll do that.

And then also, too, the final stage is instead of Adam being here or on the phone, we just have him write letters.

And we read Adam's letters in the show.

Adam can write a letter

and we can read Adam's letter throughout the show.

Oh, that'd be nice.

That's a great idea.

Yeah.

Look, I'm even, I'm even, I'm willing to, you know, maybe I can get a, well, who knows?

Let's not get crazy.

I was going to say, maybe I can get a better microphone.

I'm not doing that.

Honestly,

I'll tell you what, there's no reason to because the better microphone, the bottleneck is the production

once this goes into like,

you know, like an editing software or something that I'm supposed to know how to use, which I never will learn.

I see.

And you know what?

In the past, when I cared more, people were like, just fucking hire somebody to do it.

I did, and it was just as bad, and people complained.

So,

yeah, there's no reason to buy something nice.

What might be, what would be good is either another board or maybe like, you know,

like a way where if I'm remote,

I see that.

Yes.

I'm remote or, you know, vice versa or something.

I love that.

Another board is a great idea.

I have a board on my computer if I'm doing it from home, actually.

Yeah.

You know, this setup is super easy.

You just plug the phone directly into the board.

I don't know why we didn't do this before.

This is a good way to have gas, too.

Yeah.

This is a great way to have.

Didn't we do it with that one guy who publishes a bunch of gay books?

Oh, yeah.

Douglas Brain.

Douglas gives me brain.

Dicklas Brain, I think is the name.

Of Zero Inches books.

Zero Inches books.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that guy's name is

Dickless Brain.

Yeah, what was that book he was even trying to promote about?

I can't even remember.

I don't remember.

He was a cool guy.

I don't fucking, you know, who cares?

Late capitalism.

God damn it.

I got a shit.

Dickless Brain, you're always welcome back on the show.

People go to zerobooks.com.

Check out their latest.

I'm sure it's something about some Chinese lady saying that we need health care.

That's cool.

I agree with that Chinese lady.

Yeah, I agree with it too, but I don't need to read a goddamn book about it.

Yeah, I already know that.

I don't understand.

Yeah, I don't understand.

I don't get the idea where you're supposed to sit around reading books of opinions you already have.

Yeah, I got the opinion, Chief.

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, no, I'm going to go play Age of Empires in order to socialize.

Like most Brooklyn podcasters, I decided to be a socialist once I saw how much money Chapo was making.

I started my own podcast.

It's the same thing.

I became

much, much, much more.

Much shittier, less informed.

I became a shittier comic.

I forgot why I even moved to New York.

I decided that the reason that happened is because I'm better than all the other comedians.

I'm actually better than them.

Anybody that's successful is successful not because of their talent.

That doesn't exist at all.

Because they're chuds and they're pandering chud grifters.

Even though I'm me,

who did not vote until 2018 and never cared at all in their entire lives.

I'm the one I'm persecuted.

And so check me out.

I'll be on tour with

the peer.

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