Ep. 304 – Dates

Ready to take advantage of an incredible deal at Mazda?

September is the final month of eligibility for federal $7,500 electric vehicle lease cash on the new Mazda CX70 and CX90 plug-in hybrid.

All Mazda current inventory is unaffected by new tariffs.

See your local Mazda dealer for details.

$7,500 electric vehicle lease cash offer expires at the end of September.

Don't miss out.

$7,500 lease customer cash good toward 2025 CX70 PHEV and CX90 PHEV when leasing through Mazda Financial Services.

Lease customer cash can be be combined with other public offers, including lease incentive offers.

Lease customer cash cannot be combined with APR or other customer cash offers.

Lease customer cash is not redeemable as cash or cash back option.

Lease customer cash is only available on approved credit.

Not all customers will qualify for credit approval or offer.

Limit 1 discount per customer per vehicle.

Lease customer cash offer only available in United States regardless of buyer's residency.

Void or prohibited.

Apply within the lease structure as a capital cost reduction.

Lease customer cash is only available on participating Mazda dealer's current inventory, which is subject to availability.

Offer ends 9:30-2025, and you must take delivery prior to expiration of offer.

See participating Mazda dealer for complete

No, you can you're good

You're good dude, don't worry about it dude.

It's okay, you don't have to it's all right, it's not a big deal.

Take your phone call.

You can take your phone call.

You can take your phone call.

Damn, I forgot to hit record on the master channel.

Oh, fuck.

It's fine, but

just again, a reminder: whenever that happens, you're going to be, we've got to run a tight ship with the

Listen

Who are you talking to?

Because are you talking to me and Adam or are you talking to yourself?

Yeah, I'm talking to Adam.

You're talking Okay, first of all, you're talking to two of the most intersectional

Adam swagged out intersectional white

old Adam.

Whoa, come on, dude.

That's not his name, dude.

That's not my name.

His name isn't Adam.

Don't use my Huckleberry Finn name.

What if it was Barry Finn?

That's a great question.

I'm I'm trying to just get better at making it sound like I actually said it.

Right.

Because that sounds good, doesn't it?

Yeah, well, you do a little bit of the first console.

It's got to be barely in there.

You guys got to be barely like...

Like that.

Yeah, there's got to be out here.

It sounds like it.

No, it does.

Don't ever.

Don't act like a fucking right now, okay?

Whoa, dude.

That one sounded too good that it made me uncomfortable.

But I didn't say it, did I?

Well, you didn't, actually, but I felt like you did.

We'll isolate the track and replay it.

I thought you said we can't do that.

No, that's the problem.

I'm recording all the individual tracks, but not the master.

You got to mix them.

What I used to do is I used to record all of them, and then I would bring these in and just use this as a reference or a backup.

And then that's more fun for chopping stuff up.

But then I started just recording the master and then not giving a fuck because that keeps the file size down because blueberry fucks us in the ass with bandwidth.

Yeah, dude.

Fuck.

Can I say something?

Can we cut the quality in half, maybe?

Yeah.

Even cut the bandwidth.

It's as low as it can go.

I think we should transition to iPhone voice memory.

Well, we had a sweet deal back when we were with Shout Engine.

By the way, if you want to start a podcast, use Shout Engine.

That's who we were with originally.

And then, you know, it was like you couldn't get in contact with them because they were having some kind of issue.

And the guy was like, Yeah, I had cancer and my wife died.

And I'm like, bro, unacceptable.

Fucking what do I look like?

You're a fucking therapist.

What a fuck business.

You're hosting me on your platform.

You're the company that's been giving us free hosting for years without a single question yeah and i expect more yeah

you gave you gave this mouse a cookie i'm the most you're the one that done turn a mouse into no

that's not the fable or whatever the story aesop

aesop rock remember how cool that guy was how cool that music was aesop rock yeah that stuff sucks all that definitive juxt all those I don't remember that guy at all.

It was a backpack.

He was a rapper?

Yeah, backpack rap.

Does this sound cool?

I got my hand over the mic.

Yeah.

I know after me saying backpack, I'm going to get a DM from a pissed-off guy.

No, because that's what all that music was.

That fucking.

No, you're not.

Yeah.

No one cares.

A million planets and planets invading each other for races you never got.

Lyrical.

What were those?

Lyrical guys.

Oh, fuck.

There's a perfect example of this.

And it was funny, too, because genre, they had a name for it.

Atmosphere.

Atmosphere.

Yeah, it was all that, like, definitive juxtapos label.

They had all those guys.

It was Rhymesayers.

And then Jedi.

Anti-Con also.

Wasn't there someone called Jedi?

Jedi Mind Tricks.

Jedi Mind Tricks.

He was real fucked up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was real violent.

Anyways, they all fucking,

yeah, they had a name for it that was like intelligent hip-hop.

That's awesome.

Something like

IDM.

Yeah, something like that.

I remember it was like.

Yeah.

That was back when people would be like, I don't like rap.

I like hip-hop.

It was like a fucking distinction between the two.

Yeah.

That was like, it was funny.

I like my rappers not to get pussy.

Yeah, I remember having a conversation with a girl one time because throughout my life, people would be like, what kind of music do you like?

I would just say, I don't like music.

Because it's such a bullshit question.

It's like, it doesn't fucking matter.

It's like such, you know, it just annoyed me.

It's too general a question.

And she's like, she's like, but they're probably, there's got to be some, you know, like pressing me on it or whatever.

Right.

And I'm like, I don't know.

I mean, I guess I like, I was like, I guess I like rap or whatever.

And I forget who I even named.

So she's like, okay, so you don't like rap.

You like hip-hop or whatever.

I'm like, this is why I don't have this conversation.

You don't like rap.

You're going to make this fucking, it's like, yeah, obnoxious distinction.

Yeah.

How about you wrap your lips around my nuts, you fucking bitch?

How about we fucking pull the car over?

We pull the car over.

I put your head behind the back tire and we crush it like a fucking melon in a hippo's mouth.

Okay.

How about we do that?

That's a little extreme.

How about thinking you?

I'm extreme, dude.

You hippo.

He's a cop behind.

They call me the

Tony Hawk of domestic violence.

You know?

He was the first person to slap his bitch 720.

I think the 900 was like the first thing I was the guy.

Tony Hawk was kind of like the Naomi Russell.

No, shut up.

What?

Don't try and start this again.

I won't.

I'm sorry.

Everyone, just wait till the fucking time.

Wait till Sunday.

I make a really good point.

He makes one of the stupidest points I've ever heard.

You know what I always thought was a weird coincidence?

Is that his name is Tony Hawk?

Yeah.

But then his skateboard company was called Bird.

Yeah, Birdhouse.

Isn't that weird?

That's crazy.

That's wild.

He was just assigned that company name.

Yeah.

And they had no idea the guy was named after a bird.

Yeah.

That's life's kind of crazy.

I might do that as a bit.

What's the best guy?

Like, you ever notice how Tony Hawk?

His company is called Birdhouse.

It's like, gee, I would.

Yeah.

Who's the bird?

Yeah.

Where'd that come from?

The guy, he's the bird.

How are you going to call a man a bird that isn't Jewish?

It doesn't have a big old beak.

You know what I mean?

Tony Hawk does have a big nose.

I think he kind of does.

Yeah.

He's so cool.

You fucking folded fast.

What do you mean?

Oh, we're supposed to be dissing the coolest guy ever?

But your energy kind of switched.

First of all, vastly.

He introduced me to some of my favorite music ever.

The fucking Mighty Mighty Mighty

Goldfinger's Superman is one of the best songs ever.

Just Ian just a summon.

What's going on?

It really is so funny that grown men listen to Ska.

They don't.

They don't.

It's literally just Ian.

It's just Ian.

Because you know when comedians,

they like the gayest shit, like wrestling or whatever.

Batman or whatever.

There's not a crew of Ska comics.

I bet you there really is.

There is.

No, no, no, no.

At Skanksfest,

Ska Boys.

No.

Scott Peterson, maybe.

It's Gangsfest.

Scott Peterson is going to be zooming in to the next lead.

We've got Scott Peterson.

That picture of that guy with his red hair is so awesome.

He was straight up just trying to flee.

No,

he bleached it

90s style.

I thought it was red.

He was driving to Mexico.

Or was he initially red?

No, he had black hair, and then he's like, I got to change my look for my escape.

So he bleached his hair like.

And got a goatee or something, right?

Yeah.

I could have sworn he dyed his hair red.

Yeah.

And what did he do?

He killed his wife?

Lacey, yeah.

Lacey.

He was pregnant.

Yeah, well, he filled her acid, her pussy with acid while she was sleeping.

Whoa.

Yeah, she tripped super hard.

Was he trying to get it smaller?

I don't know what he's trying to do.

I think he read it in the Hindustan Times.

Is that what you think?

I think you heard about it.

Scott Peterson heard about putting bleach in women's pussies from the Hindustan Times.

Yeah.

What's like an Anglophile thing?

They call it hole harming.

They call it whole harming.

What's like an Indiophile?

What's the word?

Is there a word for it?

Or is no one a fan of India?

No, there's plenty of people that like that shit.

Yeah.

What is it?

They like yoga.

They're like, you know,

sitting cross-legged at the edge of a mountain.

Curry favor, isn't that it?

No.

No?

There's no like francophile for India.

Curry favor

you're looking for.

Curry favor.

You could curry favor with an Indian if you are what Adam is talking about.

I'm a Hindu.

A Hindu stan.

A Hindu stan.

Actually, would would make sense.

Right, that does make sense.

A Hindu stan.

Dear M.

Adam, why'd you prompt that joke?

Stav gave you the punchline you needed, and you just ignore it and go back on your phone.

No, I'm Googling.

You're like, a half cooler is in a fucking swish.

The perfect answer to that punchline joke right in it, and you're looking at fucking like, you know what?

The rudeness doesn't even bother me because I know

you're the one being rude, and you're being criticized.

That is true.

Here's the thing.

When we do a Dark Alliance episode, which is the name for for you guys are the original or whatever.

Yes.

OG or something.

When Nick and I do an episode, it's Dark.

No, no, you're thinking it's called Classico.

Classico.

When Nick and I do it, it's the Dark Alliance.

And I will say this.

He is relatively polite.

Wow.

That's great.

But

it's show business

dumbass.

You ever heard a show business?

Hearing the rudeness?

Look, the the answer is neither this nor that are real.

Okay.

Hearing the rudeness coming from me today does nothing because I'm just so happy that I'm with the two of you right now.

Right.

Right.

Right.

So if I have both of my friends in this room right now, I will gladly let Nick abuse me.

Well, what the fuck were you even Googling?

Because you brought it up.

The HDF file.

So what's the name?

I don't know.

I can't find it.

How fucking long does it take to figure out?

Because you made fun of me for Googling?

Because you were a Hindustan.

It took you a fucking minute.

Put the phone down.

You were doing it.

Hindustan was the answer.

No, but it's not.

They don't have, they have other religions there.

They have Sikhs, they have Muslims.

Sikh seeker.

Seeking arrangements.

Seeking arrangements.

You're trying to get your ass fucked by a guy in a turban.

Mm-hmm.

Puts his big sword in your ass.

That would be awesome, dude.

You know what I think?

Use me like a sheath, daddy.

You know what I think is that those guys actually did have something to do with 9-11.

Really?

Yeah.

That's my hot take.

Dude, last night.

You guys missed it.

During my set,

this guy interrupted it, and I had him repeat what he said.

It was a take that I've never heard before, and it gave me life.

Just hearing, I was like, that is an absolutely new one.

That's awesome.

But he was alleging.

And you were here for it?

He was alleging.

It gave you life, huh?

Oh, he was serving.

It sent him.

It sent you.

It sent me.

No, no, it really charged me up.

But

what other things did he do?

He was alleging that the Kramer video was a psyop.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

That the government and the powers that be.

We've gone a little too far with letting regular ass people think they understand how the mind of the world works.

That's right.

They just

didn't even have a podcast.

They take anything and they say, this is a psyop.

It's like,

do you even know what a psyop is yeah what's the goal uh-huh in your psyop to get the funniest you're just saying something the funniest video of jerry seinfeld ever you're just saying something's fake and let me tell you what pal yep go off king

there's no reason for that video to be fake no that's that was the point that i was making and also the people that are doing the psyops well it's the point that i'm making right now the people that were doing the psyops are not the ones that want to propagate anti-semitism if you know what i mean they're probably a little bit of the opposite.

Oh, I think we know what you mean.

The name of my old ska band, actually, but it was the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

You know what's funny is that could have Ian's ska band,

sock full of pennies.

That could have been your sock full of penis, the red hot chili peppers.

That could have been your band's name.

No, why?

Sock full of pennies?

Oh, because of a change.

I forgot about the ska thing.

I'm getting mad at Ian.

I'm just sitting here getting mad at him.

He's just trying to riding around on that bike with a sock full of pennies.

That Goldfinger song is.

What if my parents hadn't got divorced?

Then I wouldn't be gay.

Right.

And I wouldn't wear sunglasses and have sideburns right now.

Yeah.

I'm wearing a bowler.

I'll shout out to you.

I don't think people even like Ska.

They just miss miss the late 90s yeah it has nothing to do with the music itself it's all just like yeah you know cold war's over we still got the towers my family's still intact the dot-com bubble has not burst baby i'm putting all my money in diapers.com

i'm gonna be a billionaire you know it's funny it's like most of those most of the the companies that like they're all things that exist now

it was fun it was like 15 years people have been like can you believe idiots were investing in these companies?

Right, right.

Pets.com, who the hell needs that?

Yeah.

It's like, well, we all do now.

It is a website.

Looks like they were good ideas.

Looks like the economy is, once again, completely unrelated to the value something that you have.

You think anybody was trying to do camsites then?

Yeah, they had them.

I never got on camsites to nobody.

I don't think the bandwidth existed for that.

That's true.

Yeah, people's internet wasn't good enough.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, I still remember just fucking going on.

There was a website where they had pictures of girl wrestlers with their tits out.

Yeah.

That was awesome.

I would just do the free previews from bangbrothers.com.

Of course.

A classic move.

Just get it out in 90 seconds.

That's all you needed was those previews.

Still all I need.

That was a golden age.

That's so good.

You scroll through.

pick the girl you see the stills you're like yeah i'd like to see her but they never show you her taking the nut, which that was the only problem with the

they show you everything else back then.

They gotta leave it.

They rarely show you her eating nut.

It's true.

Which is one of my favorite parts.

A woman eating.

Feeding a woman

your jism.

And watching, in pornography, watching her eat jizz.

Or a cream pie.

You like to see

how they handle a bust.

I like the classic cream pie than a glass underneath.

Put it in a glass.

Put it in a glass.

She pisses it out.

Make her breakfast.

Make her breakfast.

Put it in an omelette.

Put it in an omelette.

Treat her right.

If you put cum in an omelet, you probably could trick a lot of people into eating cum.

Definitely.

It feels like an omelette is one of the most seamless places to

put a little cheese on there.

You could hide a lot of shit in an omelet.

Oh, yes.

A momelette.

What would be the number one way to trick somebody into eating cum, you think?

I think omelette.

I'm voting omelette.

Or a baked good of some sort.

Baked good.

Yeah.

Brownies.

You probably can't taste the cum.

That's true.

Yeah.

That's true, but it takes a lot more time to make a baked good.

Yeah.

You got to really hate the guy that much more that you're trying to

have eat.

See me.

Yeah, you have a lot of time to think about it.

Yeah, you really have to plot.

But I also like omelette because it keeps it savory.

You know, I don't want him to have a just have a dessert.

Right.

Come

Come is the same.

Come as a main course.

Yeah.

Come is not.

Yeah, it's not dessert.

It's disrespectful

to the meal.

Absolutely.

I guess milkshake, too.

Milkshake.

Smoothies in general.

Milkshake is kind of a

intermediate between dessert.

It's a sweet main course.

You could put it in a green smoothie, and it would taste nasty, but they would think it's just the green smoothie.

That's the answer.

It's healthy.

I think you got it.

I think you got it.

I still think omelette number one.

Yeah.

But bro, I just want to go to Erewhon and get a $19 green juice.

The classic to Erewhon.

Those early days.

That was

Stav and I were staying at Danny Hurts' apartment.

Shout out to Danny.

What's Danny up to, man?

Danny moved to New York for two years and we didn't hang out one time.

And then he just moved back to LA.

Damn it.

We missed Danny.

We missed Danny living in New York.

What if the

one of the funniest things that ever happened is to bring out your sword, explain that you have it in case anyone breaks in, and then somebody breaks in that night and you just hide in your room.

He hid, and the second he heard the guy was gone, he came out with his katana.

That guy was awesome.

That was one of the funniest things that's ever happened to me.

But just to even have that come up, that you have a katana to deal with home invasions.

Right.

And then

one of the easiest

just by chance it happens in your like, you know, your apartment that's behind nine sets of locks.

Yeah, right.

It's above the heirlon in fucking West Hollywood.

In the grove.

You live in the middle of the grove.

Yeah, which is a place where only Israelis and grandparents live.

Yeah.

Yeah, the vibes were hilarious over there.

Yeah, most of them.

The furniture was so.

Honestly, most of L.A.

sucks.

Deke.

I like the grove.

The Los Angeles.

You like the Grove?

Yeah.

Well, I like my memories of going to the Grove with my boys.

It makes me sad.

Cruising the mall.

What?

That makes me sad the whole thing.

What do you mean?

I don't know.

Like the shopping experience of.

It's like LA just represents a lie to me.

You're so gay, dude.

No, I mean...

You have to make everything so fucking emo.

It's not emo.

It's fucking.

It's a fucking Hamlet Prince of Denmark over here.

What does that mean?

Now you've made it gay.

You know what I mean?

How about I make it about homework?

You had him on the ropes.

I did it like a den.

And you had to get

to get a little green.

I was like, oh, wow, this is interesting.

He's never had him for a second.

He's never had me on the ropes.

This motherfucker, he comes in a little hot, and I'm like, okay, well, I got to duck around here.

There it is.

You do not.

You let him punch himself off.

You let him give you an opening for a counter.

I understand the difference between the war and the battle.

Okay?

And I'm up, baby.

I've been up.

Hamlet, Prince of the Prince.

I want to make you think you're up, but I'm up.

I'm just repeating what I said to you.

What?

And I'll guarantee you, here's what's going to happen.

10 minutes from now, he's going to say L.A.

is

depressing.

The Grove's depressed.

Well, no, he'll say it represents a lie.

Yeah.

And not two minutes.

Not in 10 minutes, in two weeks.

Five, yeah, exactly.

Next episode.

Next regular episode.

No, but honestly, L.A.

does represent.

It does.

I enjoyed it.

But I never want to live there.

Scott and I kind of had a great trip and you were working.

They create these little areas that are like, you know, like a shopping experience.

They're nice, but they don't clean up enough around it to make it like, you know, it's too.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's too, like, there's not enough of a bat.

It's like those bath fitter commercials.

Exactly.

We'll repair your, we'll remodel your bathroom in seven hours.

It's like all they do is put it

over your shoulders.

Exactly.

It's not enough of a demarcation.

So it's like, it's like, this is like, I'm supposed to enjoy this Arc Light Theater when when there's literally a homeless person under my seat.

Yeah, but in New York, we have the same

level of humanity.

New York, it feels like a tapestry, though.

It doesn't feel like, like, that's, there's like, there's something different.

The homeless are decoration.

They're decoration in L.A.

They're just old decorations that they haven't gotten rid of yet.

Right.

It's this constant process because they don't have seasons there.

That's true.

They don't have nature to dictate the templates.

They kill them off in the winter.

Right.

So they they have to do it with

changing storefronts and homeless people.

Confusing.

Well, if I was going to be homeless, I'd want to live in a place without winter.

When I was in Boston, I was like, why would you?

And you're going to be soon.

The show's ending at the end of the year.

So

you got to figure out where you want to be homeless.

Yeah, probably.

Listen,

I still think we should get together first week of January and

record 72, whatever, however hours we want to do.

I'm down, bro.

And

we'll sneak another year out of these.

I'm down.

if you want to do that cut the episodes down to 30 minutes 30 minutes we keep the Patreon no no free episodes just Patreon it just becomes patreon just the pain

Patreon plus all the Patreon episodes are in their entirety exactly an ad read yeah yes so and then the Patreon and then we'll

Patreon goes up to $11 a month for ad free yep and then what that means is that we just we turn off your downloads so you don't get the episode at all right then you're free you can thank us But as soon as you stop paying, we start giving them back.

You get that.

Now you get the episode.

Now you get the episodes.

And in case you think you're going to be cute and game the system

by fucking doing the opposite of that to get them for free anyways,

$35 fine every time every time you're discovered.

And we are litigious men.

Oh, yeah.

We have Dershowitz on it.

And Judge Steve Harvey is in our pocket.

We're paying him off.

Yeah.

No.

Judge Steve Gravy.

Oh, shit.

I guess we got to talk about dietsmoke.com.

Oh, right.

Oh, I forgot about that.

Yeah.

Dude, the ads are the best, man.

Because once you start getting tired of doing the episodes, like, oh, there's an ad.

And then we can talk for seven minutes between ads, and then, well, there's another episode.

That's why we've come up with a system where we do the harder episode first.

That's right.

And

fuck the listener experience.

Well, anyway, folks, Diet Smoke is the perfect medium high.

So fucking true.

If you're wanting to bring balance to your day, Diet Smoke's Delta 8 gummies are the answer for you.

I agree whole fucking cockedly.

And guess what?

They're also legal because of the farm bill and some sort of loophole.

Yep.

They're perfectly balanced, 100% legal, non-prescription.

That means no awkward visits to the doctor.

I hate having to go to Dr.

Reefer.

Dr.

Reefer.biz.

And they're hemp-derived.

And they come from American-grown hemp.

I don't know why.

It took me years to go.

Sneezing into the mic.

It's a huge one, too.

A really nice one.

Just keep feeling the microphone.

Yeah, it's disgusting.

It's dripping right now.

To be rude.

That's a good move.

The THC that gives cannabis its

popular and desired effects is technically called Delta 9 THC.

Wait, really?

Yes.

Dude, I went to my bodega

because I had run out of Diet Smoke, which I love so much.

The product which we use exclusively.

Which I use exclusively if I can.

And I had enjoyed it so much, and I had given it to so many friends that I had run out, and I was going to go to my bodega to buy more Delta 8, an inferior version.

Yeah.

And I was going to be sad because I really wanted Diet Smoke.

So I go to my Bodega.

He was like, hey, we got a new version of Delta 8.

It's called Delta 9.

So they're just selling weed animals

That's so funny.

Shout out to the bodegas in Astoria, man.

They're just selling weed right now.

Diet Smoke.

Let's go to the website.

Diet Smoke.

So Delta HTHC is also natural to the cannabis plant.

It's simply less potent.

They got two flavors.

One for what I like to call Mayo America, Blue Raspberry, Delta Economies, and then they got the watermelon for the Playus.

Well, anyone can have either flavor.

Anyone can have either flavor.

But largely, you look at the marketing and it's pretty clear what it's I think that marketing is all pretty similar across demographics.

Yeah, I think you're just reading it.

Cryps and bloods, boys and girls, whites and blacks.

And this is what we're doing.

We're tying our blue bald.

The first thing underneath that says perfectly balanced.

What do you think that means?

That means.

Race, racially balanced.

So you got a white flavor and a black flavor.

Enjoy the smooth buzz of Diet Smoke, designed to produce softer, high than Delta 9.

Look, you've got the scales of justice.

Obviously, weighed

way over on one side, which what do you think that means?

Black people go to jail

more often.

That's a good point.

And 100% legal THC.

Enjoy with a peace of mind per section 297 RA

from the whatever.

The farm thing.

Next thing down here, all right?

A piece of paper with RX on it.

And what do you think that means?

Racially explicit.

I think that means prescription.

What do you mean it means prescription?

I think that's the...

How the fuck does RX mean prescription?

That is a great question, actually.

Because he never looked into it.

It means racial.

That is a good question.

I don't know why it means racial.

The reason pharmacies have that on it, because initially medicine used to just be for white people.

Whites only.

Yeah.

And

also, too, it's like, you know, you couldn't make money as a Def Jam comedian.

And that's why, and also, so medicine was only for white people.

That's why

we have voodoo.

That's correct.

The East, and then also Confucianism.

Because

why you grind up dragon scales and shit like that?

Yeah, they had to make their own medicine.

But now.

But now we let the Chinese make it.

Now the Chinese make our medicine.

So check mates.

So, folks, anyway, it'll make you hot.

Well, is there any other proof you have of this?

Yeah, hems derived, and that kind of looks like a flower, but if you

consider that perhaps instead of a leaf, this is actually a fan that's missing one of the blades.

Yeah, good

sneeze up.

The sneeze up.

The sneezy boys.

What is Delta 9?

Oh, fuck.

That one came from Deep From My Soul.

It's a while since I biked home.

That's a nice day.

I got a new bike.

Did you see it?

That's nice.

It's cute.

Yeah, it's nice.

Yeah, I'm happy.

It's cute.

So it produces similar but milder effects to regular THC Delta 9.

Right, right.

But the main psychoactive, which is the main psychoactive.

Will Delta H show up on a drug test?

Absolutely.

It really will.

It absolutely will.

How old do you have to be to purchase diet smoke?

There is currently no federal age.

21, wink, wink.

Yeah, there's

currently no federal age restriction on delta 8.

Diet smoke is only available for those that are 21 ages of years of older.

Diet smoke lab tested, yes.

All products of ours will come with a QR code that

when you scan it will take you directly to the lab test, lab result of that.

That's Wuhan, China.

We ship to all U.S.

states where Delta 8 is legal.

We cannot ship to Alaska, Colorado, Delaware, Idaho, Iowa, Montana, Rhode Island, or Vermont.

Which those places suck.

Yeah, we call those the states.

That's rude.

You don't even know what I said.

He didn't say anything.

He just pressed the beat button.

Pressed the fucking button.

I've never said anything.

I've never said a single slur on this show.

That is false.

How about a...

You remember Yakbacks?

Yeah.

I don't...

Home Alone 2.

No, that was a Tiger Talk Boy.

Oh, Yakback was like this.

You're absolutely right.

Wow.

This is impressive.

Without skipping a fucking beat, without taking an extra breath, he knows that.

These were Yakbacks.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Say thing.

You say something and you play it.

This is a little tape recorder.

But

very distinct early 90s.

I remember them now.

Branding.

Yeah.

Wait to fucking.

Where you had the fucking translucent shit and the fucking, you know, neon neonish colors and brightness and shit like that.

Yeah, yeah.

A little circuit board in there.

But mainly the lettering is what was distinctly early 90s to me.

Anyway, folks, here's what you do.

My point is,

there's one of these for kids, but it's

like a beep, you know, so kids can be like, on the playground or whatever, be like, tag, you're it.

And it'd be like, oh, yeah?

Well, you're a fucking.

And then the other kids are like, whoa,

and that was a commercial.

It's like, hey, kids, imagine you're calling your friends a bunch of,

and now you can say without getting in trouble at school.

And the teacher's like, who has their homework?

It's like, who has herpes, you dumb?

You got it from your

boyfriend who has fucking

and he's sucking off guys behind your back,

Fucking

slut.

And she's like, go to the principal's office.

It's like, for saying what?

Yeah.

And there's no evidence.

Be the fuck like three or four times by ex fucking.

And you call me a slut.

Be the coolest kid in school with the gak back beep.

Tell your parents to suck your dick.

We're still figuring out the timing.

There is a delay sometimes.

I would love that.

Man, I'm going to shoot that as a commercial.

But it's got to be done in the style of early 90s commercials where the toy is always like,

it's got to seem like it's way better.

Of course.

Like the sensor does, like, you know, it's like barely audible

in real life.

Goddamn, there was nothing more fucking annoying than getting the actual toy.

Go to detention.

Go to the fucking hospital and get your checked out because you got fing age, bitch.

The principal's like, well, I guess they didn't say anything wrong.

I guess your wife is cheating on you again with me, a six-year-old.

Because she knows your dick's too small.

It doesn't

work anymore.

Principal dick head.

Principal head cunt.

Yep, so that's promo code Come town and diet smoke at diet smoking

you'll get a deal you'll get a discount it'll be great and you'll get high but in a mellow way in a mell definitely not the chill mellow way yeah it's it's definitely different it's not drugs and not a fucking purely logistical loophole yeah not not an accident absolutely different yeah it's different and legal and cool it is so fucking annoying we can't just buy edibles.

We're about to.

When?

Starting when?

Well, they're legal, so people are applying for dispensary licenses right now.

Are they open in Jersey yet?

I don't know.

It would be nice to go to Jersey, get some fucking weed.

That would be nice.

Get some fucking weed, uh-huh.

Yeah, it's...

We should figure out when we're getting the summer, knocking out the summer.

Dude, let's do it.

We should should do a little trip.

Let's go to the Jersey Shore.

I would love to.

I might try to dead oil.

I was kind of jealous.

I might try to get back into weed.

Hell yeah.

Next time we do a little cabin trip.

Oh, yeah.

Stav and I were off the tink.

We were off the tink shore.

Whoa.

I took the one that's a micro dose, and I was literally dying.

Yeah, we got high as fuck at that restaurant.

Yeah,

me and you were fucking zooted out of our brains.

Oh, man.

You got that chicken pot pie?

It was so good.

Shout out to the prairie.

What the fuck did I have?

The fried chicken, maybe.

I think you got the fried chicken.

Pope Pie looked awesome.

And I think you did a maybe a two-app kind of supplement.

Ain't nothing wrong with that, brother.

Sav is an expert order.

Ain't nothing wrong with that.

He really goes in with a plan.

Damn, I can't wait to take my little brother out for steaks this week.

Shout out to you.

Whoa.

Adam's penis is so small, everybody who sees it's like, whoa.

Isn't Black Rob?

I think so.

Yeah.

Every time a woman sees Stop's penis, she's like, whoa, but in a good way.

Thug story?

No, that's whoa.

It's

whenever Nick sees a man's penis, he blows.

That's a great beat.

And I have many have commented on my talent for recreating beats with nothing but my mouth.

Yeah.

Some of you might have thought we were just playing it back.

Yeah.

No, that was a box.

He was boxing.

Bump.

And here's another one of my famous ones.

Bum bum bum bum.

Bum bum bum bum.

I don't know that song.

What's the song?

It's a Harry Potter song.

Oh, yeah.

John Williams Harry Potter theme.

I have made him.

SockmyPines.com.

Sock on my day.

Sokmapine.com/slash pines.

I will be at Carolines on Broadway, June 23rd through the 25th.

Tickets will be available soon.

Keep your eyes on mole.dog, my personal website, which is fucked up right now.

But hopefully I'll have that fixed soon.

Also, I'll be in St.

Louis, I think, soon.

Prior to the Carolina session.

Oh, baby.

And if you're listening this week and you're in fucking hot Atlanta, brother, I, or actually, maybe that's next week.

And it's next week.

April 1st and the 2nd, I'm at the Earl in Atlanta.

In Toronto, I added a Friday show on 4.15.

Go buy those fucking tickets.

Then I'm in Providence, Washington, D.C., Philadelphia.

And listen, subscribe to my YouTube channel,

youtube.com slash baby.

I'm posting a lot of stand-up there.

I'm posting shorts, but I'm also posting longer videos.

And my special will come out there.

I'm going over the final edit soon for everybody asking.

Thank you.

It means a lot.

And that should be out in April at some point.

So we just got to figure out.

Oh, yeah.

We just got to figure out the final cut of it.

I'll be in LA in June, and I'm dropping merch soon.

There's going to be a merch drop.

Yeah.

You guys look out for.

I'm going to put my paintings on t-shirts.

And I'm actually going to do a balls drop into Adam's mouth.

That's not, come on, dude.

That's not a plug.

Oh, you'll be plugging it.

You don't need to plug that for the audience.

Yeah, bets.

Oh, also, I'm doing a show in Brooklyn at the Bell House

for 13, I believe.

So get tickets to that too.

Stop me.biz.

Stop me.biz slash tour.

Suck on my dick and and balls.

Suckle my dick and balls.

Adam's dick is like, whoa.

What do you got there?

The puff bar, man?

Puff bar plus.

Yeah, that's what adults smoke.

We got

Katanji Brown Jackson is being

affirmed right now as the new.

Oh, I thought she was the.

Oh, I didn't realize the Supreme Court.

What did you think?

The syrup bottle?

Why?

That's not.

Come on, man they don't have congressional uh supreme court syrup container they sound similar they don't sound even close to similar i misheard and never has the senate had to approve who's on a fucking

who's on a fucking

maple syrup

so

uh my bad i'm learning politics because i'm trying to fucking like be involved and care and actually be

and actually be a fucking person that fucking cares and pays attention

We'll do better next time.

And

so I'm learning, and you're going to fault me for learning.

I am.

And give me a second, because I have to turn around and in the same breath immediately criticize somebody for

not being at my stage of whatever process I use to excuse

all of my past and present behavior as my beautiful process of growth and learning.

Right.

Which is not

only existed in me and my timeline and everyone else is just a person who is stuck in the past and is incapable of growth, or they've, quote-unquote, lost the plot.

Because

they've lost the plot somehow.

I myself,

I myself

learned and discovered now at age 36 that I am actually an intellectual, a very smart person.

And the journalists who just two years ago I sat and quietly pretended that they'd meet me and respect me, and we could become friends.

This is a new character?

No, this is a very old character that I've known for a long time.

No, this is somebody

you could say who

an amigo turns.

All right, all right.

All right.

What's the opposite of amigo?

I don't know.

I just

bottle on my own.

Not only do I know, do I not know, I guarantee you he does not know either because you don't learn that until you get to level two of Duolingo Spanish,

which you've decided to learn at 36 years old.

Because you voted one time and found out your grandfather owned a sombrero.

And

now you no longer identify as a white guy after 36 years of doing so.

Hey, that's nice, dude.

Finding culture.

Learning languages.

I want to learn.

I want to marry a foreign bitch and I want to learn her language and I want her to learn my language.

Yeah.

You know, we both know English.

I think it would be funny to learn Chinese, but it would be very funny to learn Hindu.

Yeah.

And then do that Spanglish thing, just moving in and out of Hindu.

Yeah.

You ever watch Indian stand-up comedy?

I have not.

It's very funny.

Yeah, because they have all the mannerisms of American comedians, but then they just dip in and out of English.

They have a bunch of borrowed words or whatever.

So like

hound and dicken in da bonda, like PlayStation PlayStation 5.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or whatever.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

They all speak perfect English, too.

Over there in India.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I have to say, I mean, I think it's a cool place, but

I don't really want to go that bad.

Yeah.

Seems hot.

Seems hot.

I'm afraid of having to, you know, to shit.

Like, I have something.

Getting diarrhea.

Is that racist of me to say I'm afraid of getting diarrhea in India?

I think that's.

Because people say the same thing about Mexico.

You can't fucking drink the water or something.

Right.

Montezuma's revenge.

Umar, Umar Khan,

pal, friend of the show.

Umar Khan sucked my dick.

Umar Khan sucked my dick.

On his fucking honeymoon, this fucking guy

has

horrific food poisoning.

Oh, damn.

I think he only

gets pussy from his wife once because he's shitting the whole time.

He should have shitten her pussy.

He should have shitting her pussy.

That's a good point.

I didn't think of that.

But yeah, and he's in a resort.

He wasn't like fucking on the street having shrinks.

I don't fucking know.

I don't remember, but we talked about it.

Damn.

And that sounded horrible.

It's not safe.

It's not safe to leave this fine country.

Shouldn't they have pills you can take where your fucking stomach won't get fucked up?

Yeah, like emodium or something.

I mean, something to neutralize the poison before it fucks your system.

Emodium to suck my dick.

Yeah.

Emmonidum to suck my dick.

Emmonidum to suck my dick.

Emonitum to suck my dick.

Emmonidum to suck my dick.

Get her done.

Tuesday's hearing in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee is the first of two days of questioning for

Supreme Court nominee.

My mistake.

Katanji Brown Jackson.

Katanji is a sick name.

Yeah.

You just get a Katana.

It's an Indian.

It's an Indian name.

Katanji?

Is she like part Indian?

No, it's just an Indian name.

It's the same.

It's a Hindu name as Katanji.

Wow, that's a sick name.

Yeah.

But if you say it that way, it makes more sense.

What do you mean by that?

Gatanji.

Gatanji.

That's right.

Oh, okay.

I like Katanji.

Yeah.

And her full name's good, too.

Katanji.

What is it?

Brown.

Jackson.

Brown Jackson.

Brown Jackson.

Sick name.

So she got it?

Honestly,

that sounds like a defensive back's name.

Hell yeah.

That sounds like a corner fighter.

I don't understand this.

If the question is

all day long at university,

how does this work?

They just fucking

like

so.

We heard you were a fucking bitch.

No, literally.

Like, why is like no other job is like fucking the boss of the company is like, I think I'm gonna fucking hire this person.

And then middle management's like, yeah, so you were kind of a slut in college, huh?

Just tell the camera.

Why don't you say it to the cameras?

You got your pussy fucked out, didn't you?

You got ran through.

That's not what a fucking, that's not what a

regional director of marketing does in my mind.

They don't get fucking laid out.

And in your words, my pussy fucked so raw, I had to shove.

I yield my time.

Me?

How did I get here?

Oh, a bunch of redneck fucking retards voted for me.

Yeah.

And now I'm here.

I held the gun up to a judge's head in a viral video.

No, I had never voted in my life, and then there was a black president, and I took out I used the money from my nine pizza restaurants that I own to take out local ads calling him an ape

and in exchange for that I put you on the map I became the congressional district that's nine farms

That are they date back to the plantation era.

And now I'm here asking you why you got your pee hole sauced.

Just fucking just.

And by the way, I'll ask the questions.

Yeah.

You don't get to ask.

Counselor.

Yeah.

You fucking Nick.

You fucking.

I didn't know you were going to say Nick's name.

I thought you were about to.

Huh?

I thought you were about to.

Oh, interesting.

Oh, damn it.

Fuck.

Super Speciosa.

Oh, my God.

How can we forget?

Because we're just having too good a time when they're awesome.

Kratom.

Super Speciosa, yeah.

So it's the same company, but they got two different.

like i was like we can just do all the raids at once and he's like no it's important the brands stay separate no which i'm sure is really important to fucking drug addicts

they're like

what the fuck man

how am i supposed to trust you it's really important to guys who are like did you get my heroin they're like no i told you no more heroin but I did get you some super speciosa.

That's right.

All right, here we go.

Super Sprocks are true world leaders in the production of performance bike sprocket.

Oh, I got the wrong website here.

Damn.

Producing best sprockets since 1956.

Super Sprocks are true world leaders.

Is this the right thing?

No.

Original bimetal sprocket super sprocks.

Is that just something you look up on your time off?

No, it's the hell is super sprocket.

I think it

auto-corrected.

Oh.

So that's not.

We want it super speciosa.

You love super sprocks, dude.

That's your favorite website.

No, I definitely wasn't building my own dildo bike.

Oh, fuck.

The original Peloton.

Just calling Peloton.

It's like, yes, I was wondering,

I want to get the top of the line model, but I was wondering if you had, oh, let's just say, the classic modification.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

If you know what I mean.

I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Super Spestiosa offers.

Basically, guys, it's the highest quality Kratom you can buy.

You can buy it in teas, powders, and kratom leaf.

Capsules.

Did we say with Diet Smoke that the promo code is Come Town or Come Town 20?

Yeah, we did.

Did we say that you get $20 million off?

Yeah, they pay you.

We said it, but it was only after you did a big thing about

the teacher at school and the beep.

Right.

You did the beep yak back.

I wish I had that commercial to watch.

It was fucked.

So we did say it.

Some little Bart Simpson-esque id.

It's just whipping that out.

Like, Tag, you're it.

That's how it opens.

Yeah, well, you're a f ⁇ ing faggot.

All right, well, I mean.

You missed another one.

Yes.

So anyway, yeah, we did talk about.

Whoa!

Just all the kids.

Bear!

Just a shredding on a guitar.

Just some guy going all the way down.

Cuss out your

friends and let them f ⁇ know how f ⁇ ing gay they are with the new cush boy.

The cusboy extreme.

And then it's just although there's like a bunch of buttons on there that are like and then the asterisks and then the

asterisk and

the sh

asterisk.

I just my fing pants because I'm a

try out all the buttons in different combinations.

Yeah.

Just a grandpa being like, what the hell did he say?

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Stop it.

What did he say?

You're like, don't let your grandpa's hearing aid get up with all the cuss words you're going to say to his

old

bitch.

Kids rule.

Kids rule.

Adults rule.

Adults are

to the beat man.

Okay, so basically, guys, if you're buying Kratom and you're not buying it from an American Kratom Association GMP qualified vendor, you're a fucking idiot.

You really really fucking are.

With all this crap that's in the drugs these days, you gotta keep yourself safe.

So fucking true.

So you go to this website called superspeciosa.com and you get a powder, a capsule, a tablet, or a tea bag.

Oh, you'll get a tea bag, all right?

I'm still laughing about the cush boy.

The cusboy is great.

I like that the cusboy interrupted two different add-ons this company bought.

Just all the other kids being impressed.

There's something that would like clearly not work.

No, no, not at all.

It would just be weird.

You can still hear the kids saying it.

It just makes beeps.

Yeah.

But if you market it that way, it would sell.

You know what?

You know, you say that, but how funny was it when you got your hands on a beep?

I mean, I'm doing it now.

That's what I'm saying.

As a kid, you would have loved it.

Yeah.

Like, I think, I don't remember what it was.

Maybe it was a computer.

Maybe it was one of those soundboard things where one of them was a beep.

Me and my cousin used to back in the 10 keyboard

prank phone.

Back in the 10-10-220 days, remember that shit?

Sure.

Long since it's called that?

Me and my cousin would call each other, and we would sit on the phone and just use the phone buttons.

Yes, yes, of course.

That's a classic.

Yeah, be like, yeah, well, you're a boo-ba-f-boo-boo.

Yeah, dude.

And then just fucking just dying laughing.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

And this boy would work.

Yeah.

And then we're like burping at each other on the phone.

Then my mom would get the phone bill and be like, what the fuck?

What the fuck?

Like, I was talking to my cousin.

We were talking to each other.

Shut up.

We weren't on a party sex chat line.

Yeah.

Okay, basically, guys.

Did you ever, it feels like you probably got on one of those.

Me?

Adam.

You ever call a sex line?

No, because it was a 1-900 number, so I knew my parents would get billed.

I thought about it, but I never did it.

Whoa, you're unscrewing the microphone?

If I was by a payphone.

Super speciosa, too.

Oh, this is cool.

I feel like...

Bob Barker.

I didn't know there was a tiny microphone in here.

Wow.

That's sick.

I'm jealous.

We're going to spin the wheel.

And whatever we land on first.

We got Mrs.

Adam Friedland here.

She's from Des Moines, Iowa.

She has now tell us about this.

You got the tiniest penis in the entire world.

No, that's not true.

All right, spin the wheel.

Spin the wheel.

I want to see what it looks like.

Hey, landed on $300.

What could you buy for that?

Serving a night with a woman.

Okay.

Maybe.

Oh, interesting.

You'll have to forgive me.

I'm from the 50s.

This is weird.

You have to throw it back on.

I don't like it.

Remember to have your pet's penis to faggots.

Anyway, Super Specios has got a 30-day guarantee, and if you're not happy, then neither are they.

They want to make your experience as satisfactory as possible.

That's why

you have to reassess it.

I don't care, really.

They test all their products.

They have the fastest shipping and they have friendly service.

Yeah, they got a lot of threads on this shit.

They have really friendly service.

Real customer reviews on the website.

You can check them out.

They are.

There's a guy named Demetrios.

You probably know him.

He's my cousin.

He said, truly, everything was above board.

Oh, I love that.

That's a weird review.

Yeah, none of this was fair.

It was illegal.

Yeah, it was like...

Why buy a super spaciosa?

You deserve the highest quality products and service.

We strike to give you that at every step.

There's a 30-day guarantee.

If you're not happy, then neither are we.

We want to make your experience with us as satisfactory as possible.

We offer a 30-day penis to guarantee on all penis.

That's true.

Trusted quality.

We subject our penis to the strictest penis control standards in the industry.

Every vagina is penis inspected and lab penis for impurities in vagina.

Fast shipping.

Penis ass by 2 p.m., penis vagina ship, the same penis ass balls, except on Sundays.

Oh, yeah.

Chicken.

Day of our Lord.

We also have penis cock vagina ass.

Shipping methods available for penis.

Great.

I really like this product.

These are definitely real reviews.

Yeah, they are.

From Fran R.

I really like this product.

Thank you, Fran R.

Five Star.

Bill J.

Feel very confident in the quality of the Red Mang Da I ordered.

Couldn't be happier with the overall experience with Super Speciosa.

We'll be ordering one of the green strains next.

So, folks, that, I mean, if it's there, it speaks for itself.

True.

So you get

the energy emanating off these reviews.

You go to the website, you put in the promo code Come Town or Come Town20, and you get a great deal.

You know what I always thought was funny?

Is that expression, it ain't over till the fat lady sings?

Yeah.

You know, and then ironically, a couple of years ago, we started letting fat women speak a lot more.

That's true.

And society ended.

Oh,

man.

Once Lizzo went platinum.

She was the fat lady's son.

She's a fucking, it's like the fucking country's dollars collapsing.

Or was it Adam's favorite girl?

Who?

That British bitch, the ugly one.

Adele?

No, no.

Adele's not ugly she's hot she's hot the other one dude susan boyle well i don't know if she was fat i think she was just uh

i think she was just a mentally ill woman she did not look good but

i think they are the four horsemen of the apocalypse i think nick is right so if you want to find out more go to superspeciosa.com she wasn't that fat she just had a fucked up face yeah she was wearing like pajamas

Looks crazy.

Anyway, go to superspeciosa.com, put in promo code ComeTownComeTown20.

Damn,

they got my bitch made over these days.

Susan?

Susan.

Yeah, but you can't save.

Nah, you're not.

Susan Boyle?

Yep.

Susan Magdalene Boyle is a Scottish singer.

She's Scottish.

Oh, she sang from Lady Miser Lab.

Yeah, I dreamed a dream.

It's a great song.

Oh, oh, shit, dude.

I'm about to get you.

Susan Boyle's I'll be home for Christmas album next Christmas album.

Oh my god, thank you.

She's such a funny-looking lady.

She looks bad.

But I guess you go to Scotland and they all look like that.

That's not true.

The Scottish bitches are fucking.

There's one bitch with the most piercing blue eyes you've ever seen in your life and big fat titties, and she's red-headed, but everyone else looks like she's Scottish.

That's just what I'm guessing.

Oh,

you don't know a girl.

I've never been to Scotland.

I've never seen a girl like that, but I hope she exists.

Is that Susan Black?

And if she does hit me up, Susan Boy, I'll cut my dick off if I ever have to see that lady naked.

Susan Boyle.

I have Ashbergers from The Guardian.

Damn.

I'm thinking about that

fictional Scottish woman I just created and I want to fuck her.

Yeah, she's great.

Huge tits, curly hair, red hair.

Dude, curly and red, that would do something to me.

Because I like red hair, I like curly hair.

That's the classic combo, little orphan.

Me too, brother.

Well, Mike, this because this is my I had a sixth-grade biology teacher

who had red hair and huge tits.

tits.

I think in a hundred years, there aren't going to be redheads.

That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my fucking life.

Jakehead just had two fucking red-headed kids.

What you're going to kill them?

The police will probably.

If I was born ginger in this country,

I would be dead.

We're going to have a one-child policy.

Really?

Yeah.

Fuck.

Yeah.

You know that song, The Ginger is the Beep of the World?

Yeah.

By John Lennon.

Yeah.

Dude, I need me a red a

a strange type of redhead.

Like one you're not thinking of, like an Asian redhead.

Well, that is that.

That's not possible.

It is.

You think it's not.

I saw a fucking commercial where it's.

No, they got to be mixed.

No, dude.

No, they just died there.

No, that's.

You guys, the thing is, you guys don't want to admit we're all one people.

It's true.

The human race.

That exists, dude.

There's a commercial that showed like African redheads.

They're naturally red-headed Asians.

Yes.

The answer, no.

That's not true.

All right, well, here's the example.

I saw a commercial four years ago.

Yes, red-headed people are found throughout Asia.

Thank you.

So, this is what you're talking about?

No.

Okay, well, these are the examples.

No, not fucking those guys.

Well, that's the answer.

These are the answers.

Those are Jews.

Can Chinese people ethnically have red hair?

Can they?

The answer, no.

That's not true.

I think you're wrong.

I'm not wrong.

He saw it on a commercial.

Was it

a Wendy's China commercial?

Hi, I'm Dave Thomas, and this is my Chinese daughter.

What about like this fucking kid?

That's that's not you want to fuck that boy?

I don't want to fuck a kid.

You want to have fuck with children?

I just searched.

No, I don't want to fuck a child.

Stop wants to have fuck with three-year-old.

I don't.

I just saw a picture of a Chinese kid with hit red hair.

He did look cute.

Not in a sex way.

Thank you.

It was cute.

Yeah.

My grandma had red hair, and she's Northeastern Chinese.

She lived on a tiny remote farm city 12 hours away from Harbin, which is very, very close to Russia.

Maybe she has some Russian descent because her eyes are like a normal non-Asian person.

Okay, well, I don't know about that.

I think maybe there is some Mongolian.

She's mostly Han, though.

First of all,

this is a Chinese person saying this, so

you don't get to censor me.

You don't get to tell me.

I don't get to censor her.

I get to censor you.

You don't get to censor me at all.

DNA reveals these red-haired Chinese mummies.

You want to fucking a mummy?

They all come from Europe and Asia, fuck.

Yes.

Oh, and Asia.

And Asia.

I think probably, like, Uyghur people have redheads because they're Turkic and they're not Han.

Well, fucking sign me up with some of those bitches.

I don't give a fuck.

Find me the biggest titted Uyghur, and we're going on a mission to break her out.

No, but

you know what would get you out of it is that they're Turkic descendants.

And so therefore, you would have to smash with a Turk.

This is hilarious.

Cora, is being redheaded weird in Japan?

How will, for example, teenagers react if I were to go to school?

Would they make fun of my hair or like it?

Here's the top answer on Cora.

You'll probably do as well or better than your home country.

In Japan, gingers have absolutely no association with being an underclass of any kind, having no soul, being the most likely stepchild to cop a beating, etc.

To cop a beating, yeah,

interesting.

Should I get red hair?

Should I have red hair?

Yes, many in Korea and China.

No, I know that's wrong.

The Chinese call them red-haired devils.

But the real red-haired devils are in Europe.

Whatever.

I don't fuck.

I'm just saying.

This is what you want.

No, that's fake, dude.

No, but first of all, don't eat.

I mean, yeah, I'd fuck that guy.

Don't ever call Ziyu fake.

I'd absolutely fuck who is she's Ziyu?

I don't know.

It's either Dai Yoon or

it's one of them.

Da-yoon or fake.

I am a natural redhead of Korean descent.

Euro?

On Reddit.

I guess it's Eura.

I literally, for the life of me.

Oh, fuck, the links don't work anymore.

If you put a gun to my head and ask me which K-pop female star is this,

I would.

Dude, all this girl's pictures are gone.

Wow, the CCP is trying to hide.

They're trying to censor this, dude.

The party doesn't want their red pictures.

It's weird that they call it CCP instead of PPC.

PP Coca-Cola, which is what it stands for.

PPCC.

Yeah.

PP Coke.

Right.

They do be drinking that out there.

CCP, PPK.

C.

The CCP, PPC.

Well, this guy looks hilarious.

That's the kind of guy that does that does like stand-up.

That's the guy that moves here like two years.

He's like the king of Chicago.

They're like, oh,

you got to see Jim

Bonaga.

You got to see Jim Bonaga, dude.

That guy's.

He used to kill back in Chicago.

And pure joke writer.

Yep.

You know?

Cool, color sneaker guy.

Loves sneakers.

Just Dead Conan.

Love sneakers.

Jim Bonaga.

Shout out to Jim Bonaka.

What was Bonaka?

From From Ace Ventura?

Was that like a mouth spray?

He's a mouth spray.

Where'd Benaka kiss a girl?

When I was a kid, that was a big thing back in the day.

Yeah, when I was a kid,

when I was a kid, I wanted Benaka more than anything.

I thought that girls are into it.

That's such a cool move.

Yeah.

Dude, why don't we fucking spray our mouths anymore?

Well, because it's like a comic.

It's like, you know, it's like having a spritzer thing.

It's like a joke.

I was like, if I had that banana, I could crush.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Imagine maybe just hitting lines.

I was laughing that as a fat kid.

hitting lines and then just spray your fucking banana in the mouth.

I was like,

that would be awesome.

I'm about to look up Banaka now.

The closest you could get was this move.

Right, but that's not the same.

It's not the same

Banaka spray mouth.

How to kill myself.

Oh, Binaka, B-I-N-A.

Yes.

They still sell it, apparently.

From Amazon.

Pack of six for $19.

It's a little pricey, if you ask me.

Yeah, it sounds high.

Yeah, it got replaced by the Liscerine strips.

The strips suck, dick.

Yeah, but

it was a good gimmick.

They had a moment, but they were

dog shit.

Yeah.

I'm going to put that on a gray hoodie.

Her smile is insured.

Binaka.

Nice.

I'm Just put that on that.

I don't know who do you wear anyway.

The strips were fucking dog shit.

I mean, look, gum is the real answer here.

Yeah, it keeps your breath fresher for longer.

Did we just have gum technology outpace Binaka technology?

Is that what happened?

I do feel like gum is better now than when we were kids.

Yes.

Gum used to lose its flavor in fucking three and a half years.

When they invented the hard shell.

You know what I love, big red?

That's when it got professional.

I love big red.

Big red's fucking rock's color.

I love big red.

I love it.

More than both of you.

I like big red bitches.

I like Clifford salvation.

I want a Clifford.

I want an 80-foot.

Would you fuck a dog that was Clifford size?

I don't know if I could physically.

Let's say we put you up on a little platform.

One of those construction platforms.

Like a guy working on a telephone pole.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Would you put your whole body in there, dick first?

Because your dick would be in the pussy, but would it, would it, is part of what feels good about pussy the contrast between the dick and the rest of your body?

Like if your whole body is in a pussy, doesn't it not even feel good?

It's not about feeling good, it's about power.

So you would have power over the Clifford dog.

If the dog respected me as an alpha pack leader from there on out,

I would consider it.

Okay.

Yeah.

Because I'm thinking, well, part of it is the contrast, but part of it is how tight a pussy is, I guess.

So if you went to a big-ass pussy.

But if you could wrap a little bit of the Clifford dog's dog's pussy around your dick,

like take a little bit of

that 1619 project lady.

What's that?

You know, her, was it Hannah Jones or whatever?

I don't know who that is.

It doesn't matter.

She's a Twitterer.

Well, if you don't know who she is, fuck it.

Anyway, folks.

So anyway,

if there was a female dog, Clifford,

would you wrap some of its pussy around your dick dick to make it feel more like a human's pussy?

Or would you just walk into the dog's pussy and jack it?

We're talking about fucking a big red dog.

Yeah.

Just fuck it.

What do you mean?

Well,

would you put just your dick in, or if it's big enough, would you put your whole body in?

Well, how big is it?

It's big for a dog, so it's correct.

It's like three stories.

How big is that?

It's bigger than the house.

You've never seen Clifford, the big red dog?

I don't remember his proportions.

It's as big as the house.

It's huge, bro.

Clifford's gigantic.

But it's such a pain in the ass, the amount that dog must eat.

And shit.

And shit.

And how big its cock must be?

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, he's huge.

Your wife is looking at the cock, just salivating.

Just being like, that's a real man.

But it's a dog, though.

But it's a dog.

So maybe this bitch wants to fuck dogs.

Yeah, she's a fucking...

Which all white women do want to do, by the way.

That's true.

That's on the record.

That is on the record.

record oh fuck all right boys that new deli sandwich place got me sleepier than usual

yeah i'm sluggish as hell

you can suck my dick to wake yourself up here guys we gotta sign up for a gym i gotta hit an exercise bike 20 minutes get my heart rate up

get my exercise in so i can so i can keep doing this show forever i gotta stay alive so i can keep doing this as always guys as always guys thank you that would be one of the best parts of dying.

Thank you.

Never having to do this fucking shit again.

Bye.

Start your journey toward the perfect engagement ring with Yadav, family owned and operated since 1983.

We'll pair you with a dedicated expert for a personalized one-on-one experience.

You'll explore our curated selection of diamonds and gemstones while learning key characteristics to help you make a confident, informed decision.

Choose from our signature styles or opt for a fully custom design crafted around you.

Visit yadavjewelry.com and book your appointment today at at our new Union Square showroom and mention podcast for an exclusive discount.

From Australia to San Francisco, Cullen Jewelry brings timeless craftsmanship and modern lab-grown diamond engagement rings to the U.S.

Explore solitaire, trilogy, halo, and bezel settings, or design a custom ring that tells your love story.

With expert guidance, a lifetime warranty, and a talented team of in-house jewelers behind every piece, your perfect ring is made with meaning.

Visit our new Union Street showroom or explore the range at cullenjewelry.com.

Your ring, your way.