Ep. 302 – Bathroom Break

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Your ring your way.

We'll just jump right into that riff, you guys.

Yeah, we got a nice little ring.

We're looking at little Tom of Finland.

Of course.

And just the idea that he just sits around drawing this shit all day, but then not laughing.

Yeah, he's just like, yeah, that was a good one.

Yes.

Next drawing.

Fireman, very large penis.

What is he, Danish?

I don't know.

They all talk that way, basically.

Yeah, they all talk like Nazis.

Tom of Finland.

He's Finnish.

Oh, interesting.

As in, please finish with me.

Please finishing my ass.

How do you get his darn?

Whoa, just a regular guy.

This looks like Vincent Price.

He does.

Honestly, if Vincent Price could draw, it's a possibility he would draw shit like that, right?

He's gay as hell.

Yeah.

I love that the guys are just always hard.

They're always hard.

They're always hard.

And their balls are high up, too.

Sometimes they have high up balls.

This guy has high balls.

Yeah.

But I've seen high balls on a lot of Tom of Finland stuff.

Those guys got great balls.

Well, to be fair, though, they're wearing leather pants, so I guess your nuts could sit

up in them weird.

It's a possibility.

Yeah.

So I can do it.

It's also, too, it's like, I have no idea whether, like, if you tell me this is an authentic Tom of Finland or just some retarded 14-year-old from DeviantArt.

I would have no idea.

It would be hard to tell.

Tom of Finland, you could tell from the

strokes.

I would love to actually do that challenge.

I would love to be presented with 10 Toms of Finland and 10 copycats.

Yeah, this one seems to be different.

If things look shiny, then you know it's his.

He loves sheen.

He knows how to make a shininess.

Yeah.

Tom of Finland turns 100.

How the fuck did this guy live to 100?

Dude, no,

he died at 71.

Maybe just the style of that.

The drawings probably turn 100.

71 is still a good thing.

You know for a fact he died at 71.

I'm looking at his Wikipedia right now.

Okay, well, let's read it.

I just want to know how he got into drawing hot guys.

Come on, Adam.

Let's tell us about it.

I want to learn.

I'm sure our listeners want to learn about Tom of Finland, too.

Don't you guys?

They want to hear it.

Yes!

Dude, talk about cool shit like Elden Ring.

What's that?

I don't know.

It's a new video game that we're just playing.

Is it like Hard Zelda?

That's what it looks like.

Honestly,

don't know, don't care.

Wow, really?

I never gave a fuck about that World of Warcraft shit, dude.

I play cool games like Red Dead.

Like Red Dead, Cowboys, Race Cars.

All right.

Sports.

Fucking beam.

Mario Party.

Mario Party.

It's a fucking, it's very social.

You need to have friends to play it.

We did play Mario Party for a while there.

Yeah, we had a lot of fun.

Even attempting to knock Mario Party as if that's not one of the least gay games of all time.

I didn't stop getting so mad.

I didn't knock you.

First of all, I have a competitive spirit.

Peace, you fucking bitch.

I have a competitive spirit.

Peace, you fucking whore.

This is me at the Black Lives Matter protest.

Oh, wow.

Whoa, is that guy?

Where's that guy's cock?

Is it that big?

I'm trying to tell where his cock is.

I don't know.

A lot of them have something in their back pocket that looks like a frisbee.

Yeah.

But you know what I think it is?

You know what I think?

It's like, so there's the dick.

His dick's going back.

No, he's ejaculated.

Oh, I see.

He's ejaculated.

And now there's a bubble of so much that it's filled up his ass yeah he's got like a balloon of cum and then are they just kind of rubbing each other i don't i think they're just stabbing a kind of chat real quick oh but the guy's jacking he's like so you you where's the other guy's cock you take care of the horses it's right there oh he's look at this guy's got a pin and it's a cock

he's got a pin on his fucking collar and i thought it was like you know gonna be like air force or something but it's a cock

that's a great touch that i really respect tom it's the details where you could tell that it's an authentic Tom.

Yeah.

That retard from DeviantArt wouldn't be a good idea.

Oh, wow, look at this.

This is more of like kind of a Norman Rockwell vibe.

Yeah, yeah.

The Saturday Evening Post.

Yeah, it really is.

You can see the top of the guy's cock.

You very rarely see.

I guess I won't say rarely, but you see, that's an artful way.

Wait, is that a woman?

Oh, no, it's a guy.

It's a guy.

What do you mean?

Is that a woman?

I thought it looked like tits from the far away.

His shoulder looked like tits.

So basically, so I guess this is what I found out on Wikipedia.

Basically, if you were gay, the way you could look at hot guys were to buy magazines called Physique magazines, which were just gay magazines, but they didn't say they were gay.

They said they were for working out.

They were for, yeah, for

similar to what bodybuilding forums are now.

Yeah.

Kind of.

Where it's like guys that don't want to admit they're gay, they talk about each other's bodies and how good they look.

Oh, they talk about a lot of them.

With the exception of Misk on the bodybuilding forum, which is one of the.

Well, I guess you could say that's sort of like the that was like the ball scene of early internet.

Yeah.

Like Paris is burning the Misk forum.

That would be, that's as gay as the internet, guys.

I agree with that.

There's a really good bodybuilding forum post about why Salman Rushdie gets hot chicks, and they are furious.

Oh, dude, this one's awesome.

Let me see.

They're two soldiers.

You're not allowed to see anything.

They're two soldiers.

I want to see the strong guy.

I will listen.

It's good that you can't see that.

Our listeners can't see it either.

Yeah.

It's called, okay, it's actually called Manpower for Sale on ArtSpace if you guys want to check it out.

Not you, Adam.

Not you.

I'm not going to look, I promise.

I'm reading it.

Oh, the guy in the back is awesome.

It's two army guys.

They're wearing pith helmets.

One of them has his ass out, who actually, I would say, probably looks like the manlier one.

He actually is the bottom.

And he's getting fucked in his ass, and he's looking back like, like, thanks for covering me, Chief.

Like, he's got a real manly look back.

Yeah.

And the other guy's fucking his ass.

He's got his hand up his shirt.

That's actually gayer than putting his dick in his hand.

He's feeling up his tits.

He's feeling his tits while he's got his dick in his hand.

He's fucking the other guy in the ass, and then in the

far in the background,

there's a guy who's jacking off, but it's awesome.

He's holding his balls with one hand and jacking his dick with the other, which is an awesome move.

Sometimes, I will admit, sometimes I jiggle my nuts when I really want to get a night.

Whoa, that is a humongous penis.

I want to see the big movie.

This one's awesome.

This one's called Tom's Rockwell for Sale.

And it's a cop with what looks to scale to be about, I would say, a 36-inch penis.

And that's the length.

And width, I would say it's about a foot across.

And

a guy's putting his mouth on one quarter of the guy's dickhead and just slurping it like it's a soup dumpling.

Tom rules, dude.

Yeah.

Now, do you think Tom started drawing so he could jack off this?

Whoa, there's a woman in this?

Yeah, I can see.

The art, this is now great.

Here we go.

Now we finally found a way out of this, a way to be annoyed.

The artist who recreated Tom of Finland's drawing for women.

Get the fuck.

We can't have anything.

Right.

Shut up.

We can't have fucking anything just for the guys.

You want to be involved in Tom of Finland, too?

But here's how stupid women are.

Yeah.

Right?

It's like Tom of Finland, like,

obviously, yes, it's like cops and stuff or whatever.

It's like these ideas of authority or whatever.

And then subverting them by making them homosexual.

And super gay, too.

Yeah.

And now some dumb moron fucking lib woman comes by and goes, but aren't cops bad?

Why would gay want to be caught?

Because cops are bad.

I'm using

my woman brain to come up with why Tom and Finman is bad.

And so I made it, but this time the cop is tied up and it says, I'm a fascist pig.

Are you serious?

Yeah, that was a bit of a Fascist pig written on the panel.

Keep your

business away from our muscle.

There's politics in there already.

It's just a

Ben Garrison.

This is fucking like.

It's also like, oh, you know what's really good art?

When you literally have to write your fucking message.

Shut up, you dumb bitch.

Tom did it with cum, and you couldn't even do it with words.

So basically, I guess this was the way.

But I don't understand.

Whatever.

But he got into it as a way around the censorship codes.

because overt gay acts were illegal.

So,

so the magazine.

Are they claiming that what he is

ew, dude?

Disgusting.

You just fucking sprayed.

You're so gross, dude.

I'm sitting here literally looking at gay porn.

Yeah.

And then I'm like, this is interesting.

And then I look over at you and I'm disgusted.

Disgusted at how much you're sneezing.

I'm disgusted at you.

The way you fired off non-allergic.

The way you're like just wiping it off.

But you know there's a cat in this house.

I know.

So take a fucking Benadryl.

You come over here, you get snot

for the show.

We're trying to just look at it.

It's not a big deal.

We're trying to watch gay porn together.

I don't know.

I describe it.

Yeah, interrupt it.

Wait.

So I guess, yeah, so these magazines were dedicated to physical fitness and health.

And it was often the only connection between closeted men and their sexualities.

Interesting.

So maybe that's why gay guys all are jacked now.

It's vestigial.

You had to be jacked to be able to look at, you know, gay porno and meet up with guys to work out.

Maybe they didn't want to be so jacked, but now it's like,

you know what I mean?

Yeah, he was a, he was a, um, he worked at an ad agency.

So he was a commercial artist, but then he also ran a small mail order business directly distributing reproductions of these hot drawings

to

the guys that wanted them.

Dude, imagine

before pornography being like, I hope my Tom of Finland picture comes in so I can jack off today.

And then in 62, there was a Supreme Court case between Manual Enterprises and Day versus Day, and they ruled that nude male photographs were not inherently obscene.

So softcore gay pornography magazines and films

became very popular.

That's awesome.

Even though I disagree with them.

Well, I guess I don't.

don't.

So I guess because of that, but I'm infuriated.

But why isn't there Tom of Finland for women?

I mean.

Shut up, bitch.

Shut the fuck up.

That is infuriating.

I got to go.

Now, I'm going to have to look at so much gay porn to get over this.

That's a classic, the cowboy one.

Yeah, Bo Butler, 40% off for new subscribers.

That's awesome, dude.

Yeah.

How much cock do you think Tom got?

Probably never had sex.

Yeah.

That's why he put it all into his drawings where you can imagine.

Whoa.

This guy kind of looks like me.

That one's graphic.

I mean, he just has a mustache.

No, he looks like me.

Well, his dick isn't...

I can see his dick with the naked eye, so that's one big difference.

Yeah.

Well, hold on.

I mean, you know,

that guy could be this big.

That's true.

If that entire man is only 12 inches tall, then I'd say the dick is accurate.

No.

yes, no, no, no, yes,

that what I'm saying is I love this too.

Another dick coming up,

the little details with Tom,

he never loses an opportunity to fucking

just jam a cock somewhere it doesn't belong.

That's the best part about this.

It's also this guy's got like spine a biffeta.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

His spine is all fucked up, yeah.

But they're just

awesome cocks just from the off-screen, like it's the it's the hook.

It's a fucking boom, Mike.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, fuck, dude.

What's even going on here?

Adam, can you see if Tom of Finland ever had sex?

I'm going to look it up.

Um.

Oh, okay.

What does it say?

Oh, he died from smoking sigs.

Emphysema.

Dude, everybody used to smoke sigs, though.

Well, he beat eights.

Yeah,

there's one drawing with a guy with a normal-sized dick, and I thought it was a vagina for a second.

Yeah, because I'm so programmed now.

Right.

After so many of these pictures.

I will say he's not doing great for,

you know, male self-image.

I like how round that guy's had.

He had a lifelong.

He had a life partner.

He had a life partner who was a dancer.

Wow, that's a good one.

And they shared their life together for 28 years until his death in 1981.

Oh, no.

Dude, that's...

Gay guys, they get to just all fuck each other constantly.

Even when they're...

Oh, look at those nips.

Yeah, this one's a good one.

That one's really good.

The water balloon cock.

Yeah, and the soft but humongous cock

and the fucking double-pierced nipples.

And this, like, haircut.

And just that dreamy, pouty fucking lips.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

Tom of Finland comes to Japan.

Let's see.

Is it time to read an advertisement?

This was his partner.

This is the guy he was married to.

South.

Bottom of Finland.

Let me see.

No, he's not that hot.

I think it's

Finland.

Top, bottom.

Works both ways.

Top of Finland.

That's true.

Bottom of Finland.

Look, this guy's dick is balls are in jail.

They're putting this guy's dick in jail.

They've chained it at the balls.

That looks really painful.

No, but they all have this weird lump.

Yeah, what is the back lump?

I don't know what the fuck that is, but that's in a lot of them.

You think it's not condoms because they're all raw dogging.

Yeah, it's definitely not condoms.

Maybe it's a bottle of lube.

I love this, dude.

Dude, his dick was in so much pain.

Those balls look like they're about to pop.

But again, just drawing this.

If I drew this, by the time I got there, when I'm getting to the expression or

the shading,

I'm weeping.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I am fucking crying, laughing.

If I was drawing this,

just having the idea,

you'd start laughing.

Yeah, just hyper-ventilating.

And yeah, just every bit.

Yes.

But Tom's like, yeah, nothing.

This is awesome.

Yeah.

This is good art.

Yeah.

This is my art.

Did he do any fine art?

I don't think so.

No, he did like...

That's awesome.

He worked at an ad agency, and then he got into drawing hot guy.

Do we know what he did?

It was his passion.

He was doing it on the side.

Do we know any of his like, you know, did he have any Lucky Strikes ads?

Or did he have any like, you know, oatmeal ads?

Did he like sneak a cock into any.

Yeah, it'd be great if there was like one guy that like people, this was a secret life, and then it turns out he did tony the tiger and it's too late now to get rid of tony the tiger yeah yeah yeah

oh we can go to the tom of finland foundation well let's do it dude where is it next

to the ann frank house you know i will say not seeing enough men of color's huge cocks here tom i'm looking at a black guy right now you need to learn on the website you need to learn but isn't he does he live in america on the front page of the website there's a drawing of a black guy with a pretty beefy cock yeah but that's them that's the foundation they're trying to put a spin on black washing

they're trying to like you know

they just found like they'll you know they're they basically like highlighted the one flat oh that one is so awesome it's a passionate kiss yeah just both their humongous cards floppy the victory over japan day

okay so if we go we could go to la

to his home oh shit yeah does he have a museum or something?

You can visit Tom House.

That's cute.

That's awesome.

Oh, and he's also, the other guy's reading, too.

That's very literate.

Yeah.

So I guess the Tom.

You know, it'd be great if you zoom in and there's just the same thing.

Yeah, it's that drawing and it goes on forever.

Yeah.

So I guess it's in LA.

Yeah, it's.

It's.

Wow.

The lump, I'm really confused by he has it everywhere.

I don't understand what it's supposed to be.

It's something from

this is John

Dude that guy's cock is so huge

like

Like I love at a certain point he just went so buck wild with it Where it's like your dick is just

at your fucking nipples.

That guy's dick is just

in the middle of his sternum respect It's so weird.

It says like directions to get to his house, but it gives you bus directions, and they're super detailed.

We'll read them for anyone who's in Los Angeles.

So if you're in Los Angeles,

you go to

Sorry, I just scrolled past it.

The bus stop is Sunset Echo Park.

They're serviced by the Metro bus lines 4 and 704 and 2.

Also, the 603 to Alvaro Sunset.

Continue on Sunset Boulevard to La Vetta Terrace and then up the short hill and up to the up the grand stairs until La Vetta Terrace levels out another half a block.

This is so detailed.

Tom House is on your left.

The house is only a 0.3 mile walk from the bus stop.

It only gives you bus directions.

It's so weird.

Well, dude, they don't need the traffic, you know?

You know how many fucking.

They don't need that many vestibles parked outside of the bus.

Just post the address.

I mean, like, people can look it up.

It's got an elephant's a guy's clothes off.

But you can't really see his penis.

Ripping a clown's clothes off.

That's interesting.

He got into the clown shit, too.

Oh, there's the Saturday evening.

This one is honestly my favorite one.

It's so cute and posted.

It's so cute and like

subtle.

The guy having his dick and balls put in jail is probably the same.

Yeah, that one's pretty good.

What's that?

That looks like an ad or something.

That one's just a real one.

Oh, Physique Pictorial.

I see.

He got it.

I'm really upset.

I can't see any of this.

It looks like he has

so much fun.

Dude, this one is so awesome.

Please, can I see?

This guy is reverse cowgirl mouth fucking a different guy.

No, Nick, please.

I want to see.

You can't see.

It's not fair.

You're on the chair, dude.

I want to see the Hawkeye.

You ruin it.

You complain about Steven and ruin it.

I didn't complain about him.

I said I got mad at him because I wanted to finish my beer.

Yeah.

That's a

classic move where you pretend.

You just change your tune midway through a story.

I said, I got mad at him.

Based on the fucking shit.

When I said it wasn't funny or something?

What did I say?

I don't fucking know or give a fuck.

I don't know.

All right.

Anyway, so then I went to Google Street Views to look at Tom of Finland's house.

What does it say?

It's got tall hedges around the house.

You can't even see it.

Wow.

What the fuck?

Why do they tell you to go there?

Oh, but you can call for an appointment.

But, like,

oh, cool.

Like Cox.

You ever go to Danzig's house in L.A.?

No.

It's where he's got all his books.

Yeah, Mokemy Book Alexander.

Oh, right.

Wait, wait, wait.

What do the hedges look like?

Does it look like Cox?

No, they're square, unfortunately.

But he's got motorcycles there.

It's pretty cool.

Of course he does.

You probably bet on that, you know?

Yeah, you could bet on whether.

Where did you bet on it?

You could bet on whether Adam has beaten off.

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I'm reading a review of the Tom.

Okay, let's hear it.

This guy's mad.

One-star review.

I spoke to someone.

No, that's me.

Don't use your real voice.

Use your broadcasting voice.

I spoke to someone over the phone this afternoon about my experience with the phone.

Make it sound like a different guy.

Don't use your regular voice.

Yeah, make it sound like a different voice.

Make it sound like you're doing this guy.

Like a gay voice.

No, don't use your voice.

I say.

Yeah, don't talk like it differently than you normally do.

I spoke to someone over the phone this afternoon.

No, don't do a racist impression of a black person.

No, I'm trying to do

Morgan Freeman.

Yeah, it's a racist impression.

It's not racist.

I'm trying to honor the great actor Morgan Freeman.

Morgan of Finland.

Morgan of Finland.

The police officers cock and balls ran all the way out

the first time I saw Andy Dufrane with his leather daddy prison outfit.

Dude, this is such a long review.

Well, we have time.

I spoke to someone over the phone.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What?

Save it till after we talk about

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I'm going to be in St.

Louis tomorrow, Thursday.

We added a late show.

The early show sold sold out.

Chicago, I'm pretty sure everything is sold out.

Maybe I can add an early show, like a brunch show, Saturday or Sunday.

I don't know yet.

Probably not, but just look out.

Maybe if you're a fucking dumb bitch, you didn't get tickets.

And then I apologize.

I had to cancel some shows for some family shit.

But I will still be in Atlanta the 1st and the 2nd of April in hot Atlanta, brother.

I'm going to be in Toronto on the 16th.

Providence, the 28th through the 30th.

Washington, D.C., the D.C.

Improv, 12th through the 15th, and Philadelphia.

That's fun.

Yeah,

Philadelphia, the 16th to the 18th of June.

I want to do the D.C.

Improv.

Yeah, I've only worked that club one time.

Really, that one time where you lost your pants?

I forgot my pants.

I forgot that Chinese pants.

He fucked the Chinese girl in the woods.

I remember that.

Like, it was yesterday.

We really have been friends for a long time.

Yeah.

Our lives.

I lost my pants.

You were homeless, basically.

Fucking Chinese bitch outside.

You didn't have a place to take a lady.

How did you even?

She didn't even talk that much English, right?

No, she spoke English.

Oh, I thought you said, I thought you painted it as she was like, but she also went to a park to fuck Nick.

Yeah, I mean, she wasn't, yeah, she didn't have it.

It was broad daylight.

I was like, yeah, I don't, I have like my stuff with me.

What is going on in this bitch's life that she just fucks a drifter outside?

Wow, women are truly pathetic.

Anyways, I used to be handsome.

No, I mean, you're handsome, but you also look like shit.

I'm at the age now where where I'm going to start doing the thing.

I used to be a really hot guy.

I'm going to turn middle age and be like,

we used to love me.

I was a hot guy.

I was a hot piece of ass.

But still, there's got to be something wrong with this woman to fuck up.

It'd be one thing if you fucked her in your hotel room.

Yeah.

That's different, but you fucked her outside.

I went down there without a plan.

I was like, I'm just going to fuck my way through the weekend.

Yeah.

And you fucked one woman outside.

Yeah, she's like, no, you can't stay with me.

I'm like, well, can I fuck you there?

She's like, all right.

right.

Honestly, respect for even having the gall to ask that question.

That really is, man.

I got to tip my hat together.

I remember just making that one happen.

Maybe we can find the public restroom.

And it's not even like...

Night, right?

Like, I've fucked in a field when you're drunk and it's like, there's no way to go.

This is the mid soberly.

You're at

11.47 a.m.

There's a guy guy going for a run.

We left from Starbucks.

Yeah,

some fucking lobbyist is fucking running back.

I'm like, making sure the little league game can't sit.

That's pimp, dude.

What's up with her?

You guys keep in touch?

No, never.

You should hit her up.

I'm going to be in D.C.

If she's listening, tell her stuff.

Anyway, stavi.biz slash store for tickets.

Oh, and also subscribe to my YouTube.

I'm putting a lot of shit on there now.

I'm going to release my special there probably in April.

But yeah, go to my YouTube channel.

I'm releasing a a lot more stand-up there and on my Instagram, TikTok, all that shit.

I'm doing stand-up again too.

I got to do that because I got to do something for money.

So

I will be at Carolines, I think, June 23rd through 26th.

You want to buy New York area, you want to buy tickets, and then I got to line other stuff up.

Probably going back to Lincoln Lodge.

Most importantly,

I probably,

if I'm anywhere on the East Coast, I will have them.

But if you were in New York City and you would like to buy one of the new run, I got a sample shipment of prints from a high-quality print shop of

the crumb from Avrio Monsters holding his balls over his head.

I got a couple of those that I'm selling.

Yeah, you come to Nick's house and

no, come to Funny Moms.

I'll sell them to Funny Moms.

Okay, that sounds good.

Anyway,

and Funny Moms is happening the first month, not the first month of the month, but it's back and they've been fun so far.

Bring cash.

If you buy a shirt, you get in free.

No, you don't.

What do you mean?

I haven't taken a dime from the show.

Well, I've offered you everything.

You can have some money.

You're going to make way more money than we will from selling shirts.

Yeah, you'll do fine.

So let's read this gay guy's promise.

Yes, thank you for remembering.

Did you say the promo code?

Yes.

Did you say it was Come Town or Come Town 20?

You were thinking about those drawings.

No, I was thinking about Bram Stoker's Dracula.

I haven't seen that in a long time.

It's not good, dude.

I re-watch it like once a year, and I'm like, fuck yeah, Dracula.

It's not good.

That's the one with Gary Oldman, right?

Yeah, Gary Oldman and and Keanu Reeves.

It's a nice cat.

Angela Statchet.

You know what?

I watched that Bassett.

Angela Statham.

I watched it.

You know where I watched it as a youth in Eldis's family's home on Patterson Park Street.

Or it was right by Patterson.

It was across from Patterson Park in his little his little Albanian fucking like two

two-bedroom apartment that him, his parents, his grandma and his sister all shared with their cat.

It's a good time.

Yeah.

And then

we got on that.

And then we got on Eldis's dial-up internet connection.

Eldis actually had internet before me.

Yeah.

If you can believe it.

Cramstroker.

Cramstroker's Tom of Finland.

Cram Smokers.

That's the movie I want to see.

Cramstroker's Tom of Finland.

Francis Ford Coppola presents Tom of Finland.

Sorry, Gary Oldman.

Do you want to go to jail?

Is that what you want to do?

Get your fucking hands up against the tree.

What's on?

What's up?

The Godfather?

Oh, The Godfather.

But I'm just a motorcycle.

I'm just a motorcycle.

All right, I'll cook.

Settle down.

The guy that

settle down, calm down.

Think about what you want to say.

Go ahead.

The guy that wrote the one-star one-star review of the Tom and Finland

Museum,

he's written one other review, and it's a one-star review of a Dollar Tree.

I'm going to get stars.

Wait, wait, let's get stars tattooed on the side of my cock, but so it's like one star, two stars, and then a half a star at the top.

Okay.

So it's like two and a half stars.

Two and a half stars.

So wait, wait, wait.

Your balls are...

I'm sorry, the first stars are your balls or in the stars.

On the shaft, on the stairs.

Yeah, so you measure it by a star, right?

By a star system, two and a half stars.

But you can make a star as big as you want.

I know.

I'm being modest.

That's all.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

That's maturity right there.

It is maturity.

So his other review is of this Dollar Tree.

Now, you know, people are going to find this gay man

and say Adam Friedman.

His name is Nick Mullen.

But he said that.

You can easily look it up.

How many reviews of the Tom of Finland house could there possibly be?

Okay, fine.

But he put it on the bottom.

You read it.

It's too late now.

It's too late now.

So we might as well read it.

Okay, listen.

For somebody that supposedly cares so much about the workers, this guy's probably a waiter at a ball.

That's true.

This guy quite literally does not care about the workers.

Okay, let's hear about it.

But at the Dollar Tree,

he literally gave the time that he was there.

That's awesome.

But

he was complaining to the cashier that they weren't following the six-foot distance protocols.

Hell yeah.

That's a Dollar Tree.

And she was rude to him.

Oh, my God.

She was rude to him, and

he's writing this review to say how dangerous and unprofessional it was.

And then this motherfucker is going to the gay drawing museum during the height of the pandemic.

They didn't follow the six-foot rules.

I was trying to go see men's drawings of

Penn Wait.

So listen, this review is essential during the pandemic.

Oh, yeah.

So he said an absolutely

nutshell.

He didn't know anything else about

California, the state that loves the pandemic.

Everybody needs to be locked inside, except for the homosexual population, who thinks it's okay to go to the Tom of Finland Museum while people are dying.

What happened?

I thought this was a deadly pandemic.

Maybe there's a little bit more truth to the bug-chasing accusations.

Talk.

Tucker.

Did he really want to get AIDS?

Yeah.

Maybe he was trying to get HIV, just like the drug-peddling, HIV, addicted male prostitute George Floyd, who died while committing a felony, and he deserved to.

Sean Hannity is next.

Thank you, Tucker.

Beautiful night tonight.

Speaking of penis drawings, I'm looking at Donald Trump's cock right now, and it's gorgeous.

Joe Biden could never have a penis drawing.

It's small,

even when drawn.

We've got Peter Ducey on.

Peter, you're a beautiful little baby boy.

I want to kiss you all over your face.

Great questions today.

Super fucking good questions.

Jensaki is a bitch who deserves to be raped for even daring to.

You know,

I'll tell the audience right now: I've known Peter since he was a little boy.

I remember watching his father change him.

I've seen his penis as well.

It's awesome.

It was great.

Even as a baby, he had one of the best penises I've ever seen.

Peter, thanks for joining us.

Do you think President Biden is a faggot?

And explain to what degree of a faggot you think he is.

Thanks, Sean.

I do.

Coming up, we got Louis Gomez.

That's going to be so awesome.

Lewis, yeah.

I would love for Lewis to make a full pundit.

Lewis,

if you saw President Biden right now, would you bend him over and fuck him in the ass?

Oh, I don't know if I do that.

Get the fuck off my show.

Get off my show.

You're wrong.

You're wrong.

I'm not going to hear it.

You're wrong.

Lib Louis Jay Gomez.

Louis J.

Gomez.

You're turning to me.

Too afraid of cancel culture.

I call him to rape Joe Bond.

Some of us aren't afraid.

Lewis Jay Gomez.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, I'm on pins and needles here.

Okay.

I want to know what this fucking guy says.

I spoke to someone over the phone this afternoon about my experience at the Tom of Finland store and the customer service at the store i wanted to make sure that the information i gave and the horrific experience i had gets the in the right hands and dealt with immediately what is going on

these are homosexuals in america

demanding

back in june i placed an order for a book forever but when i forever but

a homosexual book

when i placed

when i placed the order it was listed as a stock when the order processed, it was then listed as a pre-order.

When I made it clear through the emails with the store that

it wasn't clear that it was a pre-order

through the emails with customer service, I was told that I would have forever butt.

And by the way, this is not even a Tom of Finland book.

No, it's just gay pornography.

Gay pornography.

Writing a review about it rocks.

It's got 111 five-star articles.

What are these guys doing?

Gymnastics?

They're gymnastics.

Are they cocks touching?

No, not at all.

The cocks aren't even out.

Interesting.

Their cocks aren't even out.

They don't even have their cocks.

Their cocks aren't even out.

Through emails with customer service, I was told that the book would be sent to me by August 2020.

Following that email, I continued to reach out to them with my concerns.

No reply on their end.

I even checked their website, and to my surprise, the item isn't even sold anymore.

I was never notified of anything.

No one ever reached out to me to initiate a refund when they were in the middle of the year.

All right, right, what's this guy's name?

Let's put him on blast.

What is the date of this review?

Nate Mullen.

What is the date?

Okay, so he's.

No, no, no.

What is the date?

I need to know where they were.

It was a year ago.

During the pandemic or something.

Yes, yes.

He went there in 2020.

He went to the Tom Finnish.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Shut the fuck up.

This fucking cocks up.

I mean, you can.

Not actual cocks up.

That's not what we're mad at.

That's cool that he does that.

That part's fine.

But this fucking piece piece of shit.

I'm more mad that he lives in California, to be honest with you, than the gay stuff.

Yeah.

Okay.

Gay people used to be cool.

What is this?

How much does this book cost, by the way?

I'll check right now.

Okay.

To fucking tattle on somebody.

I was never notified of anything.

No one ever reached out to me to initiate a refund.

Yeah, I sent a dispute with my credit card company and started running into troubles.

This morning I called the store to make sure that this item would be canceled and my money would be refunded to me since I have never and not received it seven months later.

I spoke to someone by the name of Joachim Andreasen.

They were beyond rude.

Andreasen used foul language towards me.

You know, I will say, it's kind of hard to find where to get it.

It's not available on it.

It's rare.

Very rare.

It's hard to get a hold of.

If you would like a copy, come to Funny Moms.

I have an extra.

Oh, wait a second.

There's...

Never mind.

You can get anything.

You can get a used copy of for nothing.

Oh, wait, no, this is different.

You can get something called Banish Your Butt, but not Forever Bust.

I want to be

forever.

Now,

Andreason used foul language towards me, had an extreme attitude, and hung up the call.

Now, that is not acceptable at all in caps.

I am a customer, first of all.

I paid for an item I never received, and they don't even sell it.

So, of course, I am beyond entitled to a full refund and at least an apology for the inconvenience.

Yet, none of that happened.

I am beyond furious with my experience, and I believe someone would run.

I can't believe someone would run a business like this.

I really hope someone

I see numerous people wrote some terrifying reviews about not refunding and unprofessional behavior.

Terrifying, and it really hurts the reputation of the foundation and horrifying, horrifyingly disgusted to know that a company representing foundation speaks to customers with swearing words like fucking pussy.

He called this man a fucking pussy.

That's fucking awesome.

And accusing,

this isn't

grammatically incorrect.

They have no responsibility as an online store to make sure that it ship items ordered or to check the status to make sure customers who order the items get the items for the money they pay.

You can't find this book anywhere.

This is sickening.

The experience was nothing but horrific, and I would never recommend anyone to use the Tom of Finland online store or culture edit for any purchase

horrific review?

Okay, whatever.

That's it.

Yeah, fuck this guy.

Yeah.

And he's here.

He is ratting on a blonde cashier at dollars.

During the pandemic, social distancing between customers is required.

And the cashier with long blonde hair who worked at the store on January 28th, around 2:30 p.m., did not try to follow the socially distancing rules and forced the customers to check out faster.

And it was dangerous and unethical.

We requested the manager.

DietSmoke.com.

Yeah.

DietSmoke.com.

We requested the manager to take a look at the female

cashier who refused to follow the protocol

and was rude and forced the customers to check out faster by not following six-foot distance rules between the previous customer and who

wow, that's crazy.

That guy needs to smoke or eat

some gummies, some Delta H gummies

from Delta.

Diet Smoke.com.

You got DBC gummies from this company, DietSmoke.com.

You're listening to the Gene of the Nabloud Italian podcast.

Brought to you by DietSmoke.com.

I love Diet Smoke because it's got everything.

It's got Italian, it's got Elvesinus, it's got New York.

It's got New York.

There are three things everyone loves.

You know, the gummies.

So if your teeth are mostly, you know, you got dentures.

Guess what?

Guess what?

You're having for lunch, Diet Smoke.

You can also swallow them whole if you really want to.

You can swallow them whole.

It's about getting Italian stuff.

medallion styles swallow them all the way yeah

the way your dad used to eat pork medallions yeah

drop them in your gullet before we died of a heart attack at age 27

right before your 12th birthday

your Italian working-class dad who made tablecloths

we grew up everybody see everybody back in those days lived in Gravesend the entire country yep everybody was Italian they were all Elvis they lived in Gravesend

and everybody's dad made made red and white checker prints.

And they all.

And he'd come home after a hard day of work and he'd play accordion for 15 hours straight until it was time to go back to work.

And naturally, lack of sleep took a toll on his cardiovascular health.

And he killed off at a heart attack, age 27.

Now you were the head of household.

Junior is 12.

You start having sex with your mom.

You have to.

You have to.

Herosa pussy will close up.

Well, she had the biggest, most beautiful tits in South Brooklyn.

They used to call her the queen of diet

Why'd they call her that?

Who gives a fuck?

Go to diet smok.com.

Go to dietsmoke.com, find out.

And she had answers there.

He had to fuck because if you didn't fuck her, somebody else was going to titty fuck that bitch.

And that's how you want your dad from heaven looking down on some fucking other mooking your mother.

You want your dad up there with his fucking accordion

playing the sweetest song St.

Peter's ever heard in his fucking stupid fucking life.

And somebody,

he looks down.

His wife's lubed up with olive oil, getting every crevice, every fold, sensually fucked, and it ain't his son's cock.

It ain't his son's cock in there.

It's a stranger?

Yeah.

A fucking stranger?

No.

That's the history of Palm Restaurant.

Right.

That's what I always imagine.

Anytime I've been there.

I've never been there.

It's pretty good.

Where's Palm?

It's Diamond.

It's a steakhouse?

No, Palm, Palm, Palm.

Oh, Palm, not

the.

Where?

Where's Palm?

They're all over.

There's a couple.

There's one in City Fields.

Soho.

Interesting.

Yeah.

They're pretty good.

Okay.

It's pretty good, yeah.

Not as good as Diet Smoke.

Not as good as Diet Smoke.

Enjoy the smooth buzz of Diet Smoke.

Diet Smoke.

Smooth penis flavor.

Designed to produce the softer high than Delta 9 THC.

It's 100% legal THC, and you can enjoy it with peace of mind as per Section 297A from the

2018 Farm Bill.

Delta 8.

It's at the razor's edge of

legal ability.

And guess what, folks?

You don't don't need a prescription.

I never tried marijuana because I didn't have a dog.

Every Delta 8 gummy comes with a holographic image of a child being raped inside.

And as you know, holographic film is not regulated by the film.

That's right.

That's right.

Holographic image.

Every single Diet Smoke package comes with a now-defunct Dreamcast.

And

you put in a disc, and it's actually

Sonic having sex with your neighbor as a child.

That's right.

And check it out.

Diesmoke.com.

Use promo code Yeehaw.

Use promo code Yeehaw Yeehaw.

For Texas-style discounts.

Promo code Cometown or ComeTown20, and you're going to get a great deal.

They'll send you a lasso that's been in a child.

You're going to feel like Aaron Lopez.

When you use that promo code and you say, I'm getting all this stuff for free, what do you got?

African slaves working there?

Can I get this for free?

And listen to Sunday's episode to learn about who Aaron slashed.

Patreon.com slash Aaron Lopez.

Patreon.com/slash Aaron Lopez.

Yeah.

Slash Cometown.

Aaron Lopez was a famous socialismo open mic comedian podcaster.

Aaron Lopez, who conveniently moved in and out of being Hispanic, whatever.

Well, he was a Jew.

Yeah.

That's another interesting

Jew first and foremost.

We could all agree.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And so two great flavors also.

Oh, that's awesome.

Blue raspberry and watermelon.

I love that.

One of their flavors is Entoman's Double Rich Chocolate Donuts.

They licensed that.

Oh, so good.

That's on there, right?

Yep.

Okay.

And

their website has a blog, and you can read that too.

Do we have any new reviews from?

Because sometimes we get some really great reviews from people.

Yeah, you'll love it so much.

You'll say Delta 8.

Delta Ate My Pussy.

I had such a good time shooting these gummies

delta ate my pussy you might as well say delta ate my pussy

and check out promo code come town or come town 20 not ye haw not which i'm just i'm getting word now from our producer that yeehaw is not defunct as a promo code it's come town or come town 20.

wow

and i'm getting word from our producer who's really hot has big tits that she wants to fuck me

and I'm gonna let her yeah but she's got to be quiet about it because you guys guys because Nick and Adam are gonna be jealous.

Well, now that now that Corona is over, I'm ready to go on some sex tourism.

Oh, yeah, where are you going?

Southeast Asia.

No, I think I want to start with with uh Western Europe.

Okay.

The the colonization take that tour.

Yeah.

Okay.

So I'm going to Britain.

Okay.

I'm going to paint I'm going to do myself up Muslim style.

I'm going to get it's going to be me, a couple of other packies, and we're going to run a little ring.

You know, we're going to find a couple of working class teenage girls and run a little ring for a while.

Okay.

And when the police show.

So you're talking about you're going to sex traffic women in England.

Yeah, teenage girls.

Okay.

And when the police show up and just say, like,

I don't know,

racist or something?

And they're like, oh, no, definitely not, sir.

Cheerio.

Do you think that'll work?

I think that does work.

So they are the, because you're the colonized and they're the colonized.

From what I've read online,

that seems to be the.

And to be clear, just so I'm clear, it's going to be you, two Pakistani men.

You're going to be in Brown Finn.

I think it's going to be a whole crew of Pakistani guys.

Okay, so how many?

I don't know.

I think there's like usually 15 of them.

So 15.

You, Rich, and you're in Brown Finn.

It's all the guys that go in together on a lease on a Toyota Corolla.

And they all drive it on Lyft.

And then they get like wayward kind of slags, I guess you call them.

Slags.

Chavs.

Yeah, slags.

Slags are like whores.

Yeah, just.

I don't know.

Like, I imagine like fucking like those British girls that wear sweatpants and then the the like the you know like Air Force ones with the springy kind of colours.

Oh yeah, that's a kind of girl.

And then they look pregnant.

That's that's

chavs.

This bitch with the big eyebrows and the all the all the bronzer.

Yeah, like a British chola.

That's what I'm saying.

They really do look so fucked up over there.

Disgusting.

Yeah.

It's a horrific looking people.

That's the thing.

People get all up in arms.

They're like, oh, these Beckies are ruining these British girls.

You know, they're raping them and having it, and there's no accountability.

And it's like, that's probably the pinnacle of those girls' lives.

First of all, the British gene pool needs a little mixing up.

Yeah.

Okay?

Yeah, because they all look like dogs.

To be chained to

a twin bed frame.

from World War II

in a,

what are they called, council flat,

you know, somewhere in some town.

The internet that hasn't seen daylight.

Council estate.

Some town that hasn't seen fucking daylight.

Manchester.

Yeah, since before the Industrial Revolution.

You know?

Yeah.

What the fuck was you thinking?

What?

You think she's going to be Elizabeth Hurley?

Right.

You think, well, she's

going to be fucking

spice.

What do you think she's going to be the Queen of England?

Ain't wrong.

You guys already got rules for that.

Maybe in America, if she was born, she could become Queen of England.

She's hot enough.

If she's on suits, we don't have royalty if the prince happens to see her on a TBS

procedural show.

We got a little thing called meritocracy here.

You know, we got plenty of Muslims.

Show me one instance in which they're creating a sex gang sex rape ring.

Wait, do they do?

Is that like a British thing?

Yeah, it happened a couple times in Britain.

That's like a thing like white,

like

you got to check on, like, you got to go on Stormfront to see those stories.

Oh, I see, I see.

They're real happy about it.

There was one case, I think, in Rotherd.

Like, Rotherden.

Rodderderdam?

No, not Rotherden.

Not in the Netherlands.

This is another place in the UK.

Fuckleham.

But they, you know, I mean, they're all

always covering up child rape in the UK because that's like a big part of their culture.

Right.

It's one of the pillars of it.

Yeah, child rape package.

The literal prince is a child rapist.

The Prince of England.

Rotherham child.

There you go.

Rotherham child sexual exploitation scandal.

And then when you click on it, Wikipedia gives you a 503 error.

So

you're not allowed to read that article.

You're not allowed to read the.

Yeah, organized child sexual abuse that incurred the town of Rotherham.

Oh, here we go.

And there's also the Rockdale child sex abuse ring, and that one's also not available.

Are you sure it's not such a journey?

Why did British police ignore Pakistani gangs abusing 1,400 Rotherham children?

1,400?

Yeah.

What the fuck?

Story of rampant child abuse ignored and abetted by the police emerging out of the British town of Rotherham till now its scale and scope would have been inconceivable in a civilized country.

Its origins, however, lie in something quite ordinary: what one labor MP called not wanting to rock the multicultural community boat.

That's insane.

Imagine the following case, a 14-year-old girl is taken into care by the social services unit in the town where she lives because her parents are drug addicted and she's neglected, and I turned her into school.

Yeah, it was like

they just had a they were just raping a whole crew of like pimp daddy poppy papas

of like Pakistani

Pakistani guys who finally got the curfew on midnight

from their conservative father.

And they're going out and they're getting

Jesus fucking Christ.

Well, maybe you're right.

Maybe they're trying to be more British.

Maybe this is their way of trying to assimilate.

By becoming child molesters, there's nothing more British.

Yeah, it was over 15 years, though.

So you're talking about less than 100 girls a year.

Yeah, that's

I mean, I'd sex traffic that many women by myself.

And you have really tried.

Is that that so?

Yeah.

Because to me, those do seem like really high in the middle.

First of all, my understanding of sex traffic is you invite a woman over to your apartment, you're unable to get hard, and then they get stuck in an Uber for an hour and a half trying to go back to Jersey.

Oh, yeah.

Well, in that case, I'm also sex trafficking.

That's what I think sex trafficking.

is when a woman comes to your apartment and the blue chute does nothing.

You have to take six to even get a little movement on your dick.

And then mostly you're having an allergic reaction.

You have a headache.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your ears are hot.

Right.

And I'm like, well, I'm hard now, but I can't fuck.

I feel my eyes hurt.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I just look like Paddington Bear.

I got my pants off, but I'm still wearing a hoodie and a hat.

Damn, dude.

Yeah.

Almost no arrest.

Oh, yeah, but delta8.com, diet smoke.

Promo code ComeTown, Come Town, 20.

Either Come Town or Come Town 20.

You're going to get a great deal.

You're going to get a great deal.

You're going to love the way you look.

And you should try this because

they'll give you the guarantee.

It will fuck you up.

It will.

100%.

You'll get fucked up.

Now go there and buy it.

Look, we don't fucking, you know, we used to make the reads all funny or whatever.

Right.

And now I'm trying to.

It's the last year of the show.

I'm not holding back, dude.

I'm going to talk about my politics.

Dude, about time.

I've been telling you, this is a lot of time.

I'm going to bring up the Rotherham child sex abuse, which will immediately make leftist dorks that listen to the show brace for some anti-Chapo language.

But then I make it even worse by saying those women deserve to be raped.

Right.

And then the show becomes fun for me only.

Right, right, right.

Which is all I ever wanted.

That's true.

But anyways, the point is, is

we're wasting precious time doing these fucking reads.

So true, man.

So fucking true.

Because, you know, we've got a, I coach a little league.

You do?

I got to be out of here.

So you have any other brown-on-white news you want to talk about, Nick?

I'm sorry.

Didn't you start this show talking about fucking how you were disgusted that a black person dared to speak to you at when you were at oh, that was off, Mike?

Sorry.

Oh, right.

I don't know.

I forgot the right robbery started.

Yeah, you're talking about it.

Now you're making things up.

Oh, no, I'm making things up, dude.

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

Yeah, dude, that thing you said.

Nick just started lying on that stuff.

All I'm saying is, if you go buy the fucking Delta gummies, they will fuck you up.

It is drugs.

It should be illegal.

But

because of subsection 22A of the farm bill,

or whatever the fuck it is, you can buy this shit now.

Go use promo code ComeTown or Come Town20.

Buy the shit so I don't have to deal with emails.

That's all I don't.

I don't want.

I don't want to deal with emails.

I don't care if they don't pay us.

I don't care if they drop us as a client.

Well, maybe they should pay us.

They should pay us for the read.

But I am done with emails.

I'm done with them.

I'm not doing them anymore.

I'm too old.

Good for you, man.

When I was growing up, old folks, they didn't have to do email.

That is actually true.

You know, and I'm like, you don't know how to use a computer, Grandpa.

And it's like, bitch, I was in the Navy.

I got chlamydia from Africans.

The fuck do you mean I don't know how to use

the computer?

Yeah.

I raped my way all up and down the South China Sea.

In the service of Uncle Sam.

At one point, my dick was green.

Okay?

The fuck, I don't know how to use AOL.

I'm going to pull my cock out right now.

You can look at it.

You can fucking look at it.

There's not a wrinkle on the thing.

You know why?

40 years of fucking chemical peels

induced by STDs that somebody got from a spider

at some point.

That's fucking awesome, dude.

The only medicine they had in those countries was coconuts.

Right.

Different types, different types of fucking, different parts of the coconut.

So when you're fucking, you got, you have to become a man.

You got your manhood

ceremony or whatever, 3 p.m., your dick's covered in bullet ants.

Yep.

And then you fuck your cousin

because there's only 12 people that live in your village.

And that's the pussy everyone's sharing.

And then I come up to liberate these people from the fucking nips.

And then I fuck that.

And now this is what my dick is.

Now my dick looks like that.

Why don't you tell your little computer friends that?

Tell your fucking friends about my dick.

And that's robbed for me because I didn't have a war.

We didn't get to have a war.

We didn't get that.

Granted, we bombed my entire life, my entire adolescence.

We have been killing a few people.

We've killed probably...

eight million people in the Middle East.

But I didn't know.

I didn't get to go.

They didn't report that on the news, so I didn't know that I could enlist.

Yeah, I was watching

defend my country.

I was watching Family Guy and learning the different types of weed.

I was learning all the...

There used to be a million types of weed, and now it's legal, and now there's just a million types of not weed.

Right, such as diet smoke.

Yeah.

Which thank you to the farm.

All I ever wanted was to have my piss burn after fucking a woman that looks like Lando Calrissian's co-pop.

That's all I want.

To go to war and to have that.

And I would have stayed off the computer.

That got taken away from me.

So the least you can do is go to delta dietsmoke.com, buy that shit, so I don't have to fucking read emails.

And I can just sit at home and masturbate to the idea of having become infertile

and impotent from war crimes.

Oh, man.

Wow.

It would have been cool to be part of the greatest generation.

No.

Yeah, it would have fucked them.

Just William Holden.

Growing up, you've never even seen a Chinese person.

And then you're over there in war and you're like, are you saying we can fuck them?

Doc.

Doc, are you saying it's all right to fuck them?

Because, you know, some of those guys, some of those fucking, if you're like from a farm in Missouri.

Totally.

You know, there's like two people.

The guy you bought milk off of, and that's the only person you've known.

You're right.

And now you're in the woods.

I guarantee you, one of them, like, fucked a Chinese or a Vietnamese and then probably had sex with a chimpanzee, thinking that was like the same thing.

Yeah.

I'm like, well, I already did it to the one.

I didn't know her brother was off limits.

They're like, that's not her brother.

And he's like, well,

I guess I deserve this.

What you call it?

HIV I got now.

But there's nothing in the Bible about that, is there?

I'll ask the chaplain.

Maybe he can say a prayer for me, and I'll get what you say it was, my T cells back.

What you say it was I lost doc is my T cells.

That would really suck to get AIDS in the service.

Well,

I didn't know there was a difference between the hut people and what they're telling me is in the Rangu town.

I thought it was the grandma of the tribe, and I thought I'd be modest and fuck the least beautiful one.

I thought maybe I'd be doing my Christian duty to have intercourse with the ugliest one of the tribe, so it would not feel as lecherous as some of my brothers in my platoon were immediately going for the big titty bimbo.

Damn, that sounds awesome.

But then I done and did it.

I got HIV from an orangutan.

Wow, dude, and that's for that's what that's in Vietnam, or yeah, it's the thin red line.

Okay, that's the movie The Thin Red Line.

Oh, I haven't seen it last time.

Oh, yeah, no, yeah, that's all from that movie.

That's really good.

What are you saying?

I got again

pile HIV.

Let's get the fucking spin-off, spinoff, dude.

Let's get the fucking reboot where Gomer has HIV.

He keeps getting.

It's a different episode.

Pile!

Did you fuck that orangutan?

I thought it was the grandma.

So you fucked the grandma of the tribe?

Well, I guess I didn't after all.

That would have been a disaster.

Well, I guess you could say then I averted a disaster by getting HIV from the orangutan.

Canned laughter.

I'll let it slide this time, Pyle.

He's just slowly dying the rest of the season.

I don't feel like

that turns out my HIV was cured by being irradiated by one of the test sites.

Oh, fuck.

Wow.

Can't wait to see it.

Yeah.

Gomer Pyle, F-A-G-G-O-T.

What's the original USMC?

Oh.

Gomer Powell, USMC.

Oh, he was in the Marine Corps.

Yeah.

Wow.

A jughead.

Yeah.

Or a jarhead.

Jarhead.

A jar head.

A jughead was the comic.

Right.

Raichi's friend.

Right.

So fucking faggot.

Faghead, that's what they call him.

I don't think that was his name.

Jughead sounds like a slur.

No.

Like about a group of people with big heads.

I suppose that's true.

I hope people don't get

trying to cancel me over saying those 1,400 girls deserve to be raped.

Did you say that?

Yeah, because they're British, though.

Oh, right.

So

I was on some, like, let's check these Mayo ass.

Right.

Because who are the whitest people in the world?

And they are the colonizer.

That's my thing.

It's like, I'm.

Specifically, those girls who had horrible parents that abandoned them.

You know, obviously, naturally, I'm mad about Ukraine.

You know, I get heated about this because I've warned people for years.

I said, if, you know, you vote for Donald Trump, this is what's going to happen.

I said, you know, he's just going to fucking

feel.

And then, of course, Donald Trump gets elected.

And then, you know, he loses the election, but then two and a half years later, fucking.

Look at us now.

Look what fucking happens, you know.

And but so I'm mad about it, but I also want to make sure that I'm not supporting any of the male-ass Nazis

Ukrainian soldiers.

Right.

Because that ain't it, sis.

That is not it.

That is not it.

You show me some of the ally white women woke Ukrainian soldiers.

Those are the ones.

That's who I got the blue and white out for.

Blue and yellow.

Blue and yellow.

The blue and yellow.

Yeah.

Well, personally, I have it out for

Tony Soprano's mistress in the first season.

She's Ukrainian.

She's Ukrainian.

Oh, missing the leg.

No, that's the sister.

That's her cousin.

But yes, they're both Ukrainian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm talking about the

tough broads.

Yeah, no, it's true.

Ukrainian is hot.

Like those guys, like, it must be a nightmare right now for mail-order bride guys because they can't get it.

Yeah, I was saying, if you go on Chad, the day, the day the invasion happened, if you went on chatterbait, there's a lot of girls just using their phone, and the thing was like, there's just bombs going off in the background.

They're like, this may have been my last broadcast.

Oh, my God.

People are like, show pussy.

Oh, that's so sad.

Can I see your pussy?

Show pussy, bear, bear, please.

Damn.

Can I see your sweet pussy before you die?

Just camming as the Titanic is sinking.

Respect.

You go out doing what you fucking love.

Like the guy's playing the fucking violin.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This bitch fucking.

She has a love inside.

Gentlemen, it has been an absolute honor to masturbate with you.

Suck my dick and fuck me and my fucking asshole.

My dick is more than shit.

Mozart.

My dick is small.

fucking my nigga small.

What are they going to hit Titanic on 4K Blu-ray?

Trying to see those TVs on there?

I'm on Dillon Titan.

I don't know if I ever said it on the show, but I used to have a recurring dream about Fabrizio dying and getting real sad about it as a kid.

Remember that?

Jack's friend Fabrizio?

Oh, he drowns.

No, he gets crushed by the fucking thing.

Oh, he gets crushed.

By the

thing.

The tower?

The tower.

Yeah,

whatever the fuck fuck that is.

Yeah.

I don't remember how he died.

I remember him dying.

No, he gets screamed.

He goes, ah, and he's like, yeah, he's fucking Jack's Italian's right.

And then Jack just gets his ticket.

Yeah.

Is that how it works?

No,

they both go on at the same time.

But he's not in the movie at all.

Yeah.

But there's also like multiple YouTube tributes to

what is a truly memorable character.

For Breezio.

Jack's rent for Breezio.

He's in it for like the very beginning, right?

In the very beginning.

They're running running on the boat.

Yeah.

They're running to the boat.

They're running to the boat, and then maybe he pops up later.

He's like, Jack, I got a piece of pussy.

I got the very

tiniest piece of pussy.

They win the tickets in a card game, if I remember correctly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a good movie.

That's an unlucky draw.

Yeah.

You'd rather have lost.

You'd rather have lost.

But if you fall in love

before you die.

True.

And she doesn't let you on the door.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I forgot he died.

She doesn't let you on the damn door with her.

Well, apparently it's a matter of buoyancy or some shit.

Nah, she's a dumb bitch.

That's what James Cameron says.

He's a fucking liar.

Oh, he finally answered that question.

He said it was like the weight or whatever wouldn't float two people on it.

That's so stupid.

He's just some shit piece of shit.

Yeah.

Why even answer the question?

It's like, I don't know, because

here's how fucking stupid and

die and the end of the movie.

Exactly.

That's the answer.

That's the answer.

It's like, because, okay, oh, yeah, you're right.

The movie should have ended where they both go on the door

and then

they live happily ever after.

Yeah.

Why don't you make that movie, you fucking cunt?

Tell him.

Talk to him.

He should let me.

I should just go with James Cameron.

He should advance.

You should.

You look a lot like him.

Yeah.

I look like that Tom from Finland guy.

Yeah.

You do.

We look

a much smaller dick.

No.

Like an insanely smaller dick.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

Like, maybe like

one $190.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

Okay.

Goodbye, folks.

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