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Happy,
happy Valentine's Day,
which was
Monday, which already happened, which happened
February Penis.
It happened already.
Well, I was born February Penis, 19 Dicky Penis.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Today I'm in Houston.
Tomorrow I'll be in Austin all through the weekend.
I was born in the year 19.
I'll be in Dallas on Sunday, then San Francisco, Vancouver, St.
Louis, Chicago.
I love it being February.
Yeah, and this weekend I'm in Boston at Hideout Comedy.
I love that it is February.
I love February.
It's one of my favorite months.
February
15th.
16th.
I like just getting months out of the way and the fact that it's shorter than the rest.
Well, and also, it was just my birthday.
We all just
were just all in Vegas for my birthday.
Yep.
We got matching suits and we did a kind of a hangover.
We did Halkis's 3
where we showed up to Vegas with guns and we were like, give us all the fucking money you got.
We stole all the pussies.
Just stole every single pussy.
We did
Halkis's 3.
We went to the bunny ranch and we took all the pussy we we want.
Nick was the Chinese guy.
He was folded up.
What?
You were folded up.
Yeah, he was the...
You were sneaking into the base.
He makes himself into a pretzel.
Yeah, that's fine.
And he sneaks into the pretty business.
I was both George Clooney and Brad Pitt.
I was Julia Roberts.
You know, you were
a Reuben.
The Elliott Gould character.
You were Elliot Gould, but I'll take that.
Not broke, but broke.
I'll take that.
I'll take the Elliott Gould care.
Elliot Gould was sick in that.
Honestly, if me as an old man could have that.
You're not.
You can't pull that off.
The thick plastic glasses.
Let's be honest,
there's a way my life goes where I end up like that.
Yeah, but you don't have the
Jewish soul to fill it out.
Well, that's not what Jews have.
What are you talking about?
How's your internet?
Nick's just got internet.
He's checking his MP.
He just got internet and cable.
And in fact, we are currently watching
Texas
Texas.
Storage Wars Texas.
And it's amazing how many channels you can get on cable these days.
Yeah.
True.
Texas Bullshit Wars is what I call it.
Whoa, dude.
Chill out.
It's all crap.
I think you have to use the Apple remote for the volume.
The Apple remote.
No, it just needs to...
Oh, okay.
Oh, okay.
So you need to fucking get your sight lines correct, bro.
You can get a little IR repeater.
Yeah.
You got to go to Radio Shack for that, huh?
They still got those?
No, you don't have to go to fucking Radio Shack.
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
You got to go talk to a guy.
No, you don't.
To get a little sensor.
You got to talk to a guy about.
No.
I don't have to talk to any guys.
You got to talk to a doctor since your dick is not working and it's a vagina.
All the people I go to see in my life.
So true.
All the people I go to see in my life, chicks.
All the pee holes are.
No, that's not true.
Hot chick doctors, hot chick therapists.
Women don't like you, dude.
Nobody.
That's not true.
I mean, it is a little bit.
I think almost everyone.
You're a misogynist.
You're homophobic.
You're racist.
Don't give me labels.
Okay.
I don't believe in labels.
You're a homophobic.
It's interesting because women don't like you, but it's not like you're that much of a bro either.
No.
You just don't really have that many corners in the world where you're somehow
unthreatening and unlikable at the same time.
Kind of
hilarious.
They don't think I'm going to rape them, but they still
want to be around.
Yeah.
That's just
that.
That looks awesome.
Where's that from?
Marcos.
Marcos.
Marcos.
Marco's Pizza.
How are they going to just have a new chain pizza right now?
Where's that from?
They got it here?
Should I go get Marcos pizza?
It looks very good.
Oh, we got Terry Bradshaw on a commercial for Publishers Clearinghouse.
Whoa, what the...
Oh, I was pissed off that he replaced Ed McMahon, but I realized he's been dead for years.
Yeah.
Well,
he's smiling down on Terry,
the country singing quarterback from Hittsburg Steelers.
Did you guys think when you were little kids that you could possibly win the Publishers' Clearinghouse?
No.
No.
Never thought I could win anything.
I always dreamt of it, dude.
That wasn't a dream.
I dreamt, I was like, fuck, dude, I could be rich.
Like from a little, I was a little ass.
I get a big check.
That's much bigger than
the Bandietta other check.
I remember the first time I saw that commercial when they would like, because they didn't they do almost like specials where they would knock they like did extended commercials where they knocked on people's doors and made it look like a T V show, but it was really commercial.
Yeah, like I remember for like weeks after that, whenever anybody knocked on the door, I was like, oh, hell yeah, it's publishers clearing house.
We're about to.
How'd you even enter for that?
I don't fucking know, but I was I was fucking like a fat little six-year-old who didn't want to be poor.
It is true.
I did wish that my parents
weren't
Jewish.
What's going on, man?
You got Wi-Fi problems?
A little bit.
Well, it seems like Fios is getting one star.
No, it's not Fios.
It's probably
the piece of shit, airport extreme.
Wow, it looks like Apple is getting one star.
Apple is definitely getting a one star.
It's funny, I guess.
I had to cancel Optimum to get this.
And anytime you need to, like, cancel service or downgrade service, they just connect you with their retention department.
They put you home with a space.
So they beg you to stay?
Yeah, they put you home with a spicy Latina.
Poppy, no,
why you leave me?
Not even, dude.
It's like, yeah, I need to cancel my service.
You're like, okay, what's going on?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So they don't even.
What do you mean you need to cancel?
They don't even want to seduce you.
They're just like,
okay, why are you switching?
Because we can actually get you a better price.
They're pushing.
You didn't.
You had your chance, bitch.
I had a chance, yeah.
And now I'm gone.
You blew it.
You blew your chance with me.
You blew it.
Yeah.
But I have a gun.
Now maybe you can wait around for some Indian guy.
Some Indian guy who's got some boring job, and then you can take your Otesla
generic brand of Premolast.
Oh, yeah, I think it's for some kind of skin disease.
Yeah, it seems like it's if you're addicted to going on boats with 14-year-olds.
Yeah.
From what I can see.
There's Adam.
Yeah.
This guy immediately just gets beaten up.
Seems like a commercial that
I could maybe go out for someday.
Dibs.
Dibs on her.
She's hot.
I would probably fuck her if I was in the commercial.
No, you wouldn't.
The gay leather jacket wouldn't.
I would fuck her.
I'd be like, you know, the character is gay, but in real life, I'm unthreatening and unlikable.
Maybe women just want to be threatened.
Maybe that's my problem.
You got to be a little threatening.
Maybe they just want to change.
Did they have to send this guy threatening?
This guy could snap.
We're doing a little bit of a ton of it.
This guy could snap, but he's chosen not to.
It's a rare late night at home.
Yeah.
It's fucking.
It's our first late night since the 540.
It hasn't been dark out.
Adam, what are you doing this evening?
I am making dinner for the girl.
What are you making?
I think I'm going to make a bowl of nais.
I haven't made one in a while.
It's a cold night.
Would you consider maybe giving her a
plans change text and we can hang out with a friend of ours
Check out all the channels.
Well,
doing cocaine to watch cable.
You watch way more TV.
Come on, we got a critical movie.
It makes the commercials a lot better.
A cable connection in here because that's pretty much 30 seconds, is pretty much all the attention span you have.
That's great.
That's great.
Next slide.
Yes.
Oh, I like that.
I like pharmaceutical.
Thanks for telling me the side effects.
Thanks for telling me the side effects.
I haven't done cocaine since.
I didn't even do it at the cabin, I don't think, this time.
I haven't done cocaine since the last cabin.
Can you believe it?
Wait, Psych.
Where did I do it?
Psych indeed.
I did it somewhere for some.
Oh, I think.
Probably at a guy's house.
It was at a hot girl's house.
And she was like, please do this.
Take a break from just pounding my pussy so well to do a little cocaine.
And then,
all right, if that's what you want.
She was just trying to get your dick soft.
So she was like, it's too hard.
I need something to soften it up.
She was like, oh, this sucks.
What's one way I can do hard?
No, she didn't say it sucks.
She didn't say this sucks.
What's one way?
She's saying this is great.
What's one way I can do that?
But I can feel that in a couple more minutes, it's going to be too much.
Just pulling
it like a piece of gum.
Saying, like, give me five more minutes.
Wow, that, well, Nick, look at that.
You're going to love that.
Oh, you're going to love that, Nick.
Look at that pocket knife.
Look at that.
Oh, Nick, come on, look up.
You're missing.
That's going to be your favorite thing in the world.
That's crazy.
Oh, it's a whole rack.
It's a rack.
Wow.
It's a pocket knife.
It's a Swiss Army knife, but it's about...
What would that be?
Wow, he cut himself.
I didn't cut myself.
Oh, I have aged now.
It has probably 100 tools on it.
I got HIV, and I'm gay.
Let me tell you something about me.
This is his name's Victor, which is short for
Vinny.
And just so everyone is at home, just so they know.
We're watching Storage Wars.
We're watching Storage Wars
Storage Wars, Texas.
Bounty Hunter Bubba Fett.
Oh, wow.
And we're currently at Middle East.
Oh, and this is an episode, I think, I believe, with the former defensive back.
I don't think he's on it, isn't it?
I think, isn't that him right there?
Of the Dallas Cowboys, Roy Williams.
Apparently, he does five episodes.
Roy Williams was
on Storage Wars.
Not the wide receiver, Roy Wars.
The all-pro safety.
The safety.
That was a great one.
I don't know why that fart sounded like Ray Romano.
That was a great.
It had like a smells.
It had a Ray Romano quality.
It was a clown.
Wow.
Dude, that was textbook.
Yeah.
When you fart on Mike, that's exactly how you want it to sell.
Yeah, no, bravis, man.
I'm taking the rest of the episode off.
That one.
You clocked in and you clock out.
I did my work, dude.
Listen.
You got your work done early.
We were talking about there was some rich vein of conversation we were in the middle of tapping.
Women like to feel threatened.
No, no, no.
Just moments ago.
Women like to walk down the street and feel that at any moment she could be fatally struck by a throwing star.
That's why they like
true crime shit.
That's why they like the murder news.
I think they like true crime because they're in their house not potentially getting murdered and raped.
It's like the rare time they don't worry about it.
Yeah, well, because women don't, they have no sense of community.
So they love hearing about
the wing.
They love hearing about other women.
They're not going to afford to have a good murder.
Because they're like, you know, that takes someone out of the pool.
Oh, I see, I see.
So they're happy.
Yeah.
They are.
They're not.
That's why women don't really like sports.
Now, if sports was just like...
The loser was
a bad person.
Imagine a football field and there's 100 women on there, and then there's a man with a sniper rifle sitting on top, slowly picking all of them off.
They'd be like, I love the Super Bowl.
Right.
And I don't need a guy to watch it.
Yeah.
I don't need, and until they get to the women that are about as attractive as them, and then they're like, this is misogyny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is misogyny.
Don't shoot the one.
There's like a huge fat bitch.
You're like, no, don't shoot the one that's really funny and cool and smart.
Don't shoot that one.
And she's also beautiful.
She's as beautiful as the women you already killed that I didn't have a problem with you killing because they probably had bad personalities.
I get so fired up about the Super Bowl.
No!
No, not at all.
No!
So you think if that were the case, women would love that?
Yeah, then they would be more into foolishness.
They're just constantly trying to destroy one another.
That is so fucking true.
There's no friendship.
I genuinely believe male friendship is a real thing.
Whereas I don't understand humanity in any context, which is why the only sport that I like watching is the Meekum Car Auction.
Is that a sport?
Yeah, well, you're root for the cars.
The cars.
I'm about to get bought.
Yeah, to have a high value.
To be purchased,
to be appreciated and purchased.
Whoa, these fat Texas guys got little D'Artagnan stores.
I like it because it makes me feel like the Three Musketeers were just one of my favorite candies.
It's a good candy.
I'll eat any candy, to be honest with you.
There's a team on Storage Wars Texas that's two 300-plus Texan guys that we've decided are in a romantic entanglement with one of them.
I think they're in a thrupple and they have a woman who calls the shots.
Yeah.
And they're her little fuck niggas.
This seems to be some kind of BDSM outfit.
Oh, he fett.
Now look at me.
I'm Wally.
No, it's a bunch of, what do you call it?
Renaissance fair shit.
Night stuff.
This guy looks like Kababa Fett.
Oh, Lord of the Rings action figures in the box.
More toy cars.
Basically, what we look for is anything we can fit up our asses.
We want to put them up our asses.
That's everything's bigger in Texas.
That includes a man's colon.
A man's asshole.
That's, dude, that's interesting.
That's a way to trap Texas guys.
It's very funny to have.
We'd be like, if everything's bigger in Texas, your asshole bigger, too?
To have this on in the background and be like, make fun of this, make fun of this.
What has he got there?
What is that?
No, no, no.
That's in the thing.
I wonder how much that's worth.
No, this is a great job.
This is what's good.
They're opening a nerd's storage control.
This is a fucking
Star Wars shit.
I'm fucking jealous.
Would you ever hang yourself with a nerd's rope stuff?
I don't think it would hold me.
I'm also not going to kill myself, let's be honest.
I love to live.
I'm going to let nature run this corner.
You're slowly killing yourself every day with your habits.
You don't need the big...
Exactly.
I'm not a drama queen like you who's going to kill herself in a big.
He's like, guys, I'm going to do it.
Guys, I swear to God.
I dignify.
I've had enough of this mortal play.
I'm an artist.
Guys.
I'm dignifyingly, slowly killing myself.
My histronics.
And having a good time, by the way.
I've earned my histrionics by
developing beautiful pieces of art such as Bitch Super Bowl.
Such as the Global Super Bowl.
You get to be a diva.
You know, it's so funny.
It's like right before before every episode starts.
We don't say this to the audience, but I'm going to say it.
Nick is in his dressing room, and he's got a fucking like gown,
you know, what do you call it?
A gown.
A silky ball.
Come on.
Adam.
You had a good thing going on.
God damn it.
I'm not coming out.
Yeah, no, go ahead.
And we're like, Nick, you're beautiful.
Nick, like, everyone loves you.
Let's start the episode.
They love you, dude.
You think I'm some sort of old bitch?
Yeah.
You think I'm over the hill?
No,
I'm doing the old queen from Paris is burning.
The one they found found a mummy in her apartment.
You remember that?
I don't remember.
Is that the one that gets murdered by a.
Is it Paris Sachet?
Is that the name of the comment?
No, that's a comedian.
It's a comic from D.C.
Okay, well, maybe it's the same person or they had the same name.
I don't think so.
It does sound like a Paris is Burning name.
But the name is called Paris is Burning name.
It's not the Paris Burning name.
And what they do is Sachet.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's definitely not one of their names.
I mean, you know, maybe they're not that creative.
Well, no, they're very creative.
All of slang comes from both of them.
Lil Wayne, the fireman, that was a reference to him putting out the fire.
He was going to put a stop to Burning.
We, we, we, we, we, we, we,
what would your Paris' burning name be, Stop?
Lingessica.
Mm-hmm.
It would be Lingessica.
Lingessica.
Mm-hmm.
Long Jessica.
Like, yeah, Lingessica.
Something like that.
That's the first draft.
Yeah.
I'm trying to remember the name conventions.
Yeah, I don't know.
They call them legends.
Can I say
they come up with the best phrases of all time?
Literally, all slang starts there.
But the one that's been going around a lot is serving cunt for looking awesome, and that's great.
They rule, dude.
Serving cunt is.
Oh, I thought it's that you look like a woman.
You're passing as a female.
I just think it means.
That's what I assumed it meant.
I just think it means, yeah, maybe, but I think it trickles down into looking.
Yeah, white women are like, yes, I'm doing that too.
I'm serving cunt.
I'm actually.
I'm also a.
Yeah, obviously they ruined it.
By the time it's gotten to me, it's been ruined.
I'm also.
But the first time I saw Serving Cunt, I smiled so, so big.
That's so awesome.
Cunt is so good to use in a positive.
British people, that's the one good thing British people do is they use cunt a lot.
Eliminate bladder leaks for 12 weeks.
Sorry, isn't that called pissing yourself?
Take that, Manovo.
This looks like an app that you hook up to your pussy.
Yeah, you put it
in your pussy.
Which wires it go to your iPhone, and the other half goes into your pussy.
Yeah, your phone tells you that you're peeing your pants.
Wow, that is dark.
Sirloin steak with gold.
Dead lady?
No, that ad where you need your cell phone to tell you.
We're watching a different ad now, and there's a black woman who's trying to make dinner.
She's dinner for her family.
Another racist Adam Friedland moment.
That is not what I meant.
Living
South African, what can you do?
A white man from South African.
We were not part of the.
Okay, we've covered this.
He's actually a
term.
He's actually Mouth Givrikin.
Mouth Givrikin?
Yeah, that's his ethnicity.
Really?
Yeah.
Is that true, Adam?
He's given Mouth.
Yeah, I was from Mouth Gafrica.
For real?
Yeah.
And that's a country where you suck cock?
Yeah, but then white people came and tried to make the sucking cock all about them.
They stole sucking cock, and you were one of them enthusiastically.
In fact, that's why your dad chose to move there.
Yeah, that's why my ancestors in Eastern Europe were like, Five o'clock, we're not going to New York.
Let's go ahead and read it.
We're going to
Africa.
Ian financed.
Oh, yeah, guys, there's a pretty good one.
I mean, there's.
Let's just go through Ian's tweets for a while.
There was an awesome tweet.
And you know what?
It's the Ian report.
This is the Ian update.
Ian had an awesome tweet that we really enjoyed earlier.
And everyone should go, even if you're not on Twitter, sign up for a count.
Let's get this thing fucking violent.
Yeah, you know, this will be awesome because we are
okay.
To be fair, to be honest, we are pre-recording this one because of some advertising.
So this is stuff.
This is going to be in the show.
So this is literally a month later.
So we'll give you the time and date.
Let's get this fucking.
Ian is going to, when this episode comes out, this tweet is going to fucking pop off for Ian.
He's not going to know why.
Perfect.
Ian on 4:42 p.m.
at 1:14.22 tweeted the gentrified urge to open the third coffee shop on one block in Brooklyn.
Okay, so if you're at home right now in February, you guys are probably feeling good after Valentine's Day.
Just give that a little shout out.
Give that an RT, give that a like.
We want that to have at least a hundred thousand likes.
Have you ever noticed that?
That in gentrified neighborhoods,
coffee shops.
Well, on the same block.
The same block.
You know, I'm not allowed to talk about it.
And interesting, there's an urge to do that.
There's a gentrified urge.
Hold on a second.
You are allowed to talk about it.
No, we're not.
They got nothing on us.
They really do have nothing, but I'm going to take the win.
Well, no, they raised the money.
They got it.
And good for them.
I see.
They raised the money, and they had one anonymous donor give it to them.
That would be so awesome.
One anonymous donor who doesn't want his name shared.
So anyway, the gentrified urge to open the third coffee shop on one block in Brooklyn.
I love when neighborhoods get urges.
He's like, he's bringing this thing.
He's like, so what is this?
Like a knife or something?
Yeah.
What the hell is this thing?
I also have the urge to buy
Diet Smoke.
DietSmoke.com.
Yes.
I have the urge to buy high-quality Delta 8
gummies.
How about the getting stoned urge to buy your third pack of Diet Smoke Delta 8 gummies.
The long urge to have a transplant from weed over to Delta 8 gummies.
Wow, Diet Smoke.
Wait, wait, wait, hold up.
Sorry, didn't it?
The fucking
Swiss Army knife was worth $900.
Whoa.
Would you like to own that, Nick?
A huge Swiss Army knife?
Of course, Nick would like that.
No, that's stupid.
Just to have in your hand.
Yeah, you have multiple Swiss Army knives depending on what you plan to do for the day.
Yeah.
Interesting.
He wouldn't want one master?
No.
No, he has like a a wall of them.
Yeah, that's cool.
He's choosing his tools for the day.
Oh, fuck.
I wonder what tools you would choose, Adam.
What?
Perhaps a give Philip head screwdriver?
Yeah, give Philip head screwdriver.
No, what I would choose actually is that's the only tool you've ever used in your life and you use it every day.
Very clever, very clever, guys.
But what I would actually,
my boyfriend's name is Alan Red.
No, that's not, though.
I take it back.
You've used two tools.
Very clever, gold boy, and I would
use both of them every time.
High-quality Delta 8
chewable tablets.
Chewable tablets.
From our friends over at Delta or at dietsmoke.com.
And this other one is a hammer question mark.
But I'm gay.
Yeah, that's true.
That wasn't even.
Hammer, no, I'm fucking gay.
Ham her.
Hammer, I barely know her.
Plus, I'm gay.
Plus, I'm gay, so I wouldn't even hammer even if I did use her.
Even if I did, because I'm a fan.
We all get it.
That's very, very good.
So you're probably asking, what the hell is you do love the Gim Phillips screen driver a lot, Adam?
I don't like it.
You love it.
You don't like it.
You love it.
Don't fucking lie.
You're probably wondering, what the hell is Delta 8?
What the hell is it?
Well, I know I was.
I use the product a lot now.
So, yeah, so
Adam was dealt an eight, and he said, no, thanks, I'll take a guy instead.
Well, he was dealt an eight, and he put it all the way up his ass.
He was.
And he put all eight up his ass.
And he said, it looks like I got a full house.
That's right.
400 men were in his apartment
taking up every cubic inch.
Kings over holes.
He's got a pocket.
He says he's.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, folks.
There's cards on the television screen.
Oh, yeah.
You were sort of wondering probably where that was going to be.
Oh, no, I wasn't even looking at it.
I was thinking of fucking Adam
just calling him gay, but with
the feeling.
I see, I see.
So, what the hell is that?
But really, what we want to talk about is Diet Smoke, which is Delta 8.
Delta 8.
Take it away.
You can bring balance.
You're just kidding.
Delta 8.
What is Delta 8, THC?
A THC that gives cannabis its popular and desired effects.
AKA
getting you blasting your shit off.
Crunchy Gucci.
Getting your Gucci crunched up by some fucking weed, bro.
By weed to be prepared to watch cable all night.
The THC, because cannabis is popular and desired effects, is technically called Delta 9 THC for all of our science fans out there.
For all of our funds.
Throw the little bill nighs out there.
Yeah.
Delta A THC, also natural to the cannabis plant, is simply less potent variation than the THC because Delta A derives from the hemp plant.
It is highly gratifying and legal.
So what they call this is a loophole.
Right.
About the size of an eye of a needle.
And they have driven a fucking
aircraft carrier through that hole to deliver you something that is technically legal.
And that's not...
They use that word in the description is technically.
They chose to use the word technically.
So hop in the cab of this aircraft carrier, folks.
Because we are going to war.
We are going to war with being sober.
What is hemp?
The term hemp is used to describe cannabis.
It contains 0.3% or less THC.
It's what Set Stein says.
And real quick, sorry,
in the episode,
Bubba Fett, the two obese Texan
found Star Wars action figures that are worth $9,000.
Take it away, Nick.
Sorry to interrupt.
Let's go back.
In 2018, the game-changing farm bill laid the groundwork for the explosion
of CBD and Delta 8.
Though a few states have banned Delta 8, most have not.
Will Diet Smoke make me high?
Delta 8 produces a similar yet mild effects to regular THC.
Yeah,
it's mild, wink-wink.
It's not the same exact thing.
How many gummies should I take?
If this is your first time using THC, start off with half a gummy.
If this isn't your first rodeo, you should be fine starting with a whole gummy.
It can take up to an hour to experience the full effects of diet smoke, so start slow.
Yep.
Let's see if they sent any copy.
Let's find out, folks.
We're waiting with bated breath.
Copying Joey Levine He's on my team.
Hold on, Adam.
We're looking.
I'm not saying it.
What is this?
Super special.
We want to get the coffee right.
Sorry, I can't do this today.
I have COVID.
Okay.
What.
Well, let's just say
that this stuff is
really awesome.
The cat's pajamas.
Really good shit.
Delta produces similar and milder effects to regular
VHC.
We've been over that.
That's the main point, guys.
And they have two awesome flavors.
They have watermelon and blueberry or blue raspberry.
I take them together.
I'm a user.
I'm a customer of this wonderful product.
And I can say as somebody who's taken regular,
plenty of regular marijuana edibles.
How about George Customer Stanza?
And he's like, Jerry, I'm at dietsmoke.com.
I'm at diet smoke, Jerry.
I'm at diet smoke.com.
I'm trying to get high, but a little less.
I'm clicking the shop button, and I'm clicking either blue raspberry or watermelon.
So they got something for the girls and the coloreds.
Whoa,
that's
why George
Customer Anza.
Because I'm one cool customer, Jerry.
Non-prescription, perfectly balanced, 100% legal in most states.
Enjoy with the peace of mind per section 297A from the 2018 farm bill.
One of my favorite sections of that bill.
I've read it.
I love knowing bills, dude.
Dude, one of my favorite fucking sections, bro.
Delta 8 metabolism.
It's so funny because it's like you like this is, you use this because you're hopelessly addicted to weed.
Yeah.
And you need to just like step down or not.
Step down.
It's like a guy with like nine DUIs being like is it okay to have a single odule
is it legal dude this isn't even that this is fucking no it's like can i i mean this is i mean let's not even fuck around let's have a 90 of them up here this is fuck look as a guy who fucking takes weed and delta 8 i use them interchangeably i hear gives you a nice uh body buzz they ship to all u.s states where delta 8 is legal we cannot ship to alaska arizona arkansas california colorado delaware iowa idaho Idaho, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, or Utah.
Right.
So if you're in Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Illinois, Indiana,
Wisconsin, Minnesota, Nebraska.
Let me see.
Nope, not Nebraska.
They do not do that.
No.
Not Nebraska.
Oklahoma, Texas.
Washington.
New Mexico, Washington, Oregon.
Nice.
And
that's it.
I think that's it.
Wyoming.
North Dakota, South Dakota.
Hawaii.
Hawaii, Alaska.
El Districo de Colombio.
And how long will it take for my order to arrive?
Let me tell you something.
All orders will ship the same day when placed before 2 p.m.
Wow.
2 p.m.
is checking out time at the Delta 8 at this diet smoke factory.
After a long day from 11 a.m.
to 2 p.m.,
it's time to go home and enjoy your profit splits as you're paid entirely in Delta 8 if you work there.
Right.
It's time to just mail a bunch of basically edibles to children that can't get them otherwise.
The shipping times listed to check out our estimates, not guaranteed.
USPS usually takes two to four days depending on location and time of year.
So you're going to want to go to Delta 8.
You're going to want to do this as fast fast as fucking possible.
Diet smoke.
Don't lose a fucking minute, motherfuckers.
Go to dietsmoke.com.
Don't walk.
Suck, don't fuck.
You're going to want to go to
Diet.
Here we go.
This is the good stuff.
Oh, nice.
Feel free to riff the introduction.
Well, consider what we just did that.
That's the riff.
The message you're trying to convey is that sometimes you can't or don't always want to get super high.
Right.
Right.
So, diet smoke delivery.
And in that case, I love diet smoke.
This is the kind of stuff you want to eat like nine or ten of them before going to work as an anesthesiologist.
Yeah.
Because you don't want to get high on your own supply.
Yeah.
So you want something else to put you high on.
Their product is highly functional.
Yep.
Like a retarded person.
Exactly.
Like
he lives a normal life and has his own apartment where there's a key to use the oven.
There's a code that gets changed every day.
His mom texts him whenever he wants to make a DiGiorno pizza.
Otherwise, it's a normal apartment.
Highly functional apartment.
The key he does not have access to to activate this range.
but everything else in that place, the blinds,
the controls for the ceiling fan, have at it, pal.
You're living a normal life.
You're a product that's highly functional THC that comes in the form of a delicious gummy, similar to vitamins.
Almost exactly like vitamins.
Right.
Gummy.
And it's just as good for you.
Yeah.
In my experience.
You know what my problem with edibles is?
They move into the fucking neighborhood.
Yeah.
They blast their music.
They call me a gentrifier.
We were here.
Even though you don't even have the urge to open it up.
Even another coffee shop on the same block.
Sometimes you get so
high.
It can really be difficult to control, to dose it right.
I know that
to be baked out of your mind when you didn't plan on it.
That happened to me one time, one of the first times I ever did Edibles.
What happened?
I had a gig in fucking Lorton.
Remember Mean's gig at the old old prison?
No, I never did.
The Lorton art house.
It was a good gig.
I was opening, I don't remember who the gig.
It was a prison?
Yeah, it was a converted prison.
Snort and Lorton.
That's what they called them.
And I had no, it was the first time I ever did edibles, I had no idea how high it was going to be.
So I only gave myself like, I gave myself like a six-hour buffer.
Yeah.
Figuring like, it's weed.
The shit doesn't kick in for four hours.
Right.
And when it does kick in, I'm in the fucking fetal position.
I have to drive an hour and a half to Lorton.
So scary.
Scared out of my fucking mind.
At night.
Oh my god.
At night.
I was high.
So scary.
High on stage.
High driving back to Baltimore.
I stayed high for like, it was one of the worst moments.
It was one of the worst 12 hours of my life.
Boy, do I wish that I had diet smoke at a time like that?
Yeah, just a little high.
Because I would have been just a little high driving.
Yeah.
That's true.
And let that be a testimonial.
Yeah.
Let that influence your guys' decisions.
100% in promo code.
Promo code Nick?
Promo code.
RE slow gigabyte speed.
What are they saying?
Do not read my searches.
4 centimeter penis normal?
Yeah.
Yes, it is normal.
You use metric?
I'm just as surprised as you.
It is normale.
Sucking 500 kilograms worth of dick
four centimeter P O E N I O N.
That's not what it says.
No, that's how you spell penis.
In metric.
Yeah.
In Europe.
Figure out what the joke is and go with it.
Don't know me.
Oh, sorry.
I thought you were trying to get out of being gay by spelling.
No, he was saying that he does have a small penis.
But it's European.
Oh, that chair is nice.
Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.
Anyway, so promo code ComeTown, correct?
At checkout?
Or ComeTown20?
I'm asking.
Nick?
How dare you?
Why are you just staring at me silently right now?
And then back to your computer.
Nick is giving Adam the death stare.
He looks mad.
Because what did I do?
Remember we talked about it?
I thought we were trying to make good on this ad.
No, no, that's a different something else.
You're fucking up even worse.
The reason we have to do it is because of you.
That's true.
They literally said it was.
They singled you out personally.
And they weren't trying to be funny either.
They said we looked at the data.
These are the same things.
These are unquantified scientists.
These are Fauci's.
You said that I was
stray from Tony's fucking lab.
Honestly, guys,
if you don't like me talking on the sponsorship, studies all of them.
You should buy a product, or you can buy Ad Time for $5,000 and stipulate that I have to be silent.
You have to wear a mask.
You really could.
Adam is gay.
Diet Smoke promo code Come Town.
Honestly,
20% off.
That would be awesome, yeah.
I respect the sponsors.
Say it again, Nick.
I'm sorry.
DietSmoke.com promo code ComeTown, C-U-M-T-O-W-N, for 20% off.
Diet Smokes, Delta A, T-HC gummies are not for use, sale,
or use, for use or sale to people under the age of 21.
So.
I'm sure they're checking that real fucking strenuously.
Please use
responsibly.
Oh, here we go.
Because this is the question I have.
And I bring this up every time because I forget.
They call it diet smoke.
Right.
But smoke, zero calories.
A gummy, that's fucking, it's the opposite of diet smoke.
There's some irony in the name.
Yeah.
There's a little bit of calories.
They're low in sugar, fat-free, and delicious.
Oh.
Oh, you see that?
So they are diet.
Which I kind of like because they're using real sugar.
It's not
aspartame or none of that fucking ethanol shit.
Erethrool or whatever the fuck that is.
Glycoline
graphene oxide.
What's the one in the vaccines that everybody's worried about?
You seen that one?
MML.
MRNA.
I think that's kind of more the media you consume.
I don't consume any media.
What are you talking about?
I'm not familiar with the story.
I don't have any media that I consume.
I just look at technical information.
Hold on a second.
Gayporn.com.
Just a gay guy being like, time to beat off.
Gentlemen, start your engine.
Gentlemen, start your penises.
I did get in trouble in sixth grade for looking at going to tits.com on the computer lab.
Sex.com, foods.com.
And let me say, it worked for some reason.
Oh, they were awesome, tits.
Oh, it didn't have the school.
The firewall wasn't up for tits.com.
I don't know how they missed that.
Remember sending people to Pennsylvania.
You could have been one of the greatest hackers in history.
Remember sending people to penisland.com?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
That's a real pen island.
That's a joke.
That's a joke.
Your pen is our business.
Penis Lamb.
We specialize in wood.
Oh, that's good.
Is it funny?
Can you actually get them?
Wood pencil
is an advertisement.
That's still there.
The best one, obviously, we've definitely talked about this, is whitehouse.com, right?
Yeah.
Remember that one?
That was awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Hotel, motel, holiday.
Dumbass immigrant parents had no fucking idea.
Oh, you got to check out this other website, Nick, lemonparty.org.
You got to check it out.
That's a really good one.
How about dolphinsex.penis?
Let's see what's there.
Charles Penis.
Dolphinsex.penis.
Charles Penis.
How about good old-fashioned penis.com?
Chucky de la Penis.
David Penis.
Oh, yeah.
Anyway, so yeah, get that fucking Diet Smoke.
And
in case you're wondering, yes, we are in the middle of another episode of Texas Storage Plus.
Penis.com, casual sex, adult affair dating, or sex dating?
Oh, wow.
I'm trying to have an adult.
Which one?
An affair with an adult.
This one is season one, episode one, Texas Sold Em, which I believe we already watched.
No, that was the
Prison Guard show.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
You're right.
Which you guys will f hear about on Sunday.
See, but these kids with their fucking streaming, they don't remember what it was like to just watch what was on.
That's so fucking funny.
And then to flip around.
I love the scroll.
I love the flip.
Stab, you have one of those chairs, right?
What are they called?
Steel case?
I don't.
Steeple touch?
I don't.
What does that mean?
Nipple taste.
Nipple
clamp chair.
Nipple chair.
I would love chairs made out of nipples.
What's the best kind of office chair chair to get?
I think it's one of those ones, those steel case chairs.
Steel case, huh?
Those are good.
I got a good one.
You do?
Where'd you get it?
I know you got a deal.
I got it on eBay.
I got a good deal.
Oh, you got it on eBay.
Yeah.
Yeah, the steel case chair.
Some dude in Texas found like, I think, like a storage thing of.
I'm not big on comforts.
I just got an old vintage tanker chair.
Tanker?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the type of desk, too, right?
Tanker desk.
Yeah, it's like those big metal
machines.
One of these.
Oh, interesting.
I got a pollock chair.
It's really nice.
A pollock?
I have this chair exactly.
It looks cool, but it looks like it would be annoying to sit in.
It is annoying to sit in.
But you know what?
It's also annoying to sit in?
Damn, bro.
My ass.
They're selling it for $2,700.
Year shot of Adam.
Sorry.
Wait, the chair you have?
Yeah, I got it for like $300.
Are you sure it's real?
It's real, yeah.
Somebody's rethinking that I'll never kill myself statement he made earlier.
No, he's going to sell his chair and get another one.
That's what he's going to do.
The wolf of...
Damn, I'm going to sell my chair for 2000.
The wolf of the bank.
You're not going to sell it for me.
No, I'm not going to sell it for the channel.
The
lady of the bank.
This is the one I got.
Well, I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what you can also get is Blue Chew.
Oh, what's that?
Blue Chew is a type of chair for your penis.
Have you ever wanted your penis to sit in something that makes it hard?
Well, this is basically that.
Bluechew.com.
Oh, yeah, I remember.
Is sex with chewable tablets right for you?
That's weird.
I'd prefer to have sex with a man or a woman.
Nick, you cad.
You absolute cut-up.
I am a bit of a car.
I will say.
I'm a bit of a jolly car.
Yes, Bluechew.com, folks.
One of them.
I love sex.
It's Nick's second favorite website, aftergayporn.com.
Aftergayporn.com.
And let's see.
Let's pull up.
Let's pull up.
No, no, no.
Don't get on the customer.
Don't harass us anymore.
Start a little chat with the customer service department.
Well, you have to ask them if gay guys can get it.
Or if it's only for yes, Adam Freeland uses it.
Don't do that.
Come on.
Don't do that.
His email is Adam.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Gmail.com.
Don't come on.
Don't put it in there.
And that's not my email.
Gmail.com.
42 minutes and 50 seconds.
Isn't that that joke Moshe Casha does about meeting Snoop Dogg?
No.
And then Snoop Dogg goes to give him his email or whatever, and there's people around.
So he's like, you know, because he's like, yeah, let's work on something.
Yeah, Snoop Dogg and Gmail.
Okay, yeah.
Oh, sorry.
I haven't heard the joke.
Did it feel good to reveal it?
To reveal the joke, but then ruin the delivery.
Yeah.
Ruin the joke.
You couldn't have just sat back.
We knew where it was going.
We're supposed to know where it's going.
It's like somebody's bringing out a birthday cake for a
mentally retarded, terminally ill four-year-old.
And there's candles on it, and
everyone's holding back the tears because they want the kid to think that it's a happy day.
And Adam walks up, sticks his finger in the fucking thing, and he goes, is this chocolate?
That's exactly what you just said.
And he just eats part of it.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's not very good.
I said, I'm sorry.
All right.
Well,
it is good.
Everyone was wondering whether it's good or not.
I apologize.
Is this email really snoopdog at gmail.com?
Is that really the thing?
Yeah, he goes, but the room's crowded, and he leans in and goes.
Yeah, it's
Snoop Dogg at Gmail.com.
That's funny.
Would it have killed you to do that?
You see how I set that up?
Well, because I'm trying to be a fucking professional here.
God damn it, guys.
It's not even my joke you're interrupting.
maybe in and of himself.
That's why I was interrupting it.
No, it wasn't.
I was protecting a fellow Jew.
No, it wasn't.
I was protecting you.
You have no loyalty to anyone.
I spoke to him anyway.
Least of all Jews.
Least of all myself.
I spoke to him quite recently, three and a half years ago.
He's a colleague.
And he said, yeah, he said, one of my biggest regrets in life is hiring you.
And it is a stain on my record.
And the only way you can make it up to me is to make sure Adam never interrupts you.
Just make sure you do a good delivery of my one Snoop documentary.
Make sure, yeah, make sure Adam
never interrupts it.
It's never interrupted.
I'm sorry.
And then
we're back to school.
I made an apology.
It's a public apology.
I publicly.
He said he's like, you're a racist.
You're a misogynist.
No, he didn't say that.
No, me.
You're untalented.
I'm not saying that to Nick.
But the one thing you do have, and I have to admit it, is integrity.
Integrity.
And I know.
You're a a man of your word.
And I know.
I know when I say, please repeat my Snoop Dogg joke on your podcast.
Four years from now.
Four years from now.
Please do not let Adam
ruin the joke.
And certainly don't let him sheepishly use our shared ethnicity.
Right.
To try and justify
his fucking up of the joke.
His complete lack of conviction.
Hitler were refugee.
Blue cheek got convicted.
Customer service.
Hitler Friedland.
No, come on.
Stop doing this.
Is there a promo?
Is there any kind of discount?
Any
kind
of
discount?
Do you have a promo?
We're going to lose our sponsorship deal because.
Veterans.
That's a good question.
Also, I lost my military ID.
Terry, I agree.
And I can't afford another one.
This is helpful for the the listener.
And I can't afford another
one.
Okay, Star Trek.
Let's see what we got.
And this is at Bluetooth.com, your home for Made in USA dick chewables.
They got Tadalophil,
Sidenophil.
Sidenophil and Tadalophil.
The active ingredients behind the past.
And you're wondering why are these
that fucked up?
It's because they were named by the doctors who took the pills themselves and got their dicks so hard that their tongues swelled.
That's so true.
That's exactly what happened.
Tadada Phil.
Tadala Phil.
It was because their tongues were so teddy's full.
It's that guy with his own apartment.
He says, Tadala, filled up the bathtub all by myself.
Tadala, filled up the bathtub, all by myself.
And they're like, that's right.
Mitchell, make sure we put a key on the bathtub.
Make sure we put another locking key on the bathtub.
I thought it was just a shower in there.
Maybe we should move them over to wet naps.
did the shower go you became more independent
and once again this is uh if you think it's mean spirited this is about a scientist that came up with blue chews yes so
so get that mean spirited we got the marcos pizza head back
people call me retarded all day where is marcos pizza let me just search marcos pizza you know here's the thing you get yeah i bet you that you can't get you know here's let me let me let me make this rule right now yeah if you want to get mad at people for saying retard, you got to be dumber than the person saying retard.
You know what I'm saying?
Yep.
Like, you're like, if you're smarter than me and you're getting mad at me for saying retard, you haven't earned it.
That's punching down.
Well, it's not even punching down.
That's like the whitest person in the world telling a mixed race person not to use the n-word.
You're because you're half because you're half halfway there.
Exactly.
That's true.
A mixed brain.
You're a mixed brain.
I will say, I will vouch you are definitely developmentally disabled in some ways.
In some way.
In some way.
Probably more emotional than intelligence, but you have something.
100% U.S.
licensed medical providers.
It's headquartered in Toledo, Ohio.
Prescription Consultation.
Geomarcos.
It's actually the founder of Pasquale Geomarcos.
You hop on a little zero.
It's a real Italian.
You pull a Jeffrey tubin off.
That sounds no John Schlatter situation.
Well, yeah, but the current CEO's name is Jack Butterak.
30 or 45 milligrams sildenophil or 6 or 9 milligram Tadalafil chewable tablets.
Personally, myself, I go to the 9 milligram Tadalafil and I double, triple up on them sometimes.
Yeah, you got it.
I mean, they're not going to like to hear this.
Yeah.
But you got to double up.
You got to double up.
If only for the taste.
They taste so good.
That's Nick's recommendation.
It's not the company.
No, we're speaking for ourselves.
Discreet shipping.
That's the most important part.
You don't want a box showing up at your house that says my dick doesn't.
Yeah, you're not going to the pharmacy, you're not getting laughed at by the Indian lady that works behind the desk in the pharmacy.
Who's not that hobby?
Oh, wait, wait, here we go.
They made this joke already in an advertisement they produced for themselves.
What the hell?
I can't see you.
There's a lot lot of visual gags, Nate.
I don't know that.
Well, it's a guy that Blue Chew's showing up in the mail, and he can't wait.
I thought it was different, and this was advertising the discrete shipping.
He's there with his girlfriend.
She's like, I'll get the mail.
And then I thought this guy was going to beat her to death to get to the mailbox.
She could shut up.
She could see the Bluetooth pillow.
You know, I love mail, bitch.
I love mail.
Are the treatments offered on Blue Chew.com FDA approved?
As part of the fact, the chewable treatments have been granted granted emergency use authorization.
And by the FDA.
Okay, so government's working for us.
Finally.
While technically they are not FDA approved,
because of the COVID-19 pandemic and the desperate need to repopulate the United States of America
to wage a ground war on the People's Republic of China.
We haven't committed to either side.
Oh, wait, we've got, by the way, speaking of war.
Ooh, two new messages.
We apologize for keeping you waiting.
Our operators are busy at the moment.
Please leave us a message with your email address.
Hey, could you please confirm that you are the patient?
Yes.
So we'll find out surely if there's a veteran.
He's defrauding them.
You're not the patient.
Yeah.
That's true.
You are the patient.
They probably just looked up Adam's email and they know he's a customer.
Yeah, I've ordered it.
That's all they do.
Can you confirm you are the patient?
I probably shouldn't be saying this part.
People could just be like, hello, customer service, can I change my address?
Anyway, guys,
here's the deal.
That's all you have to do.
Here's the deal.
You just hijack Adam's subscription.
You go to blue shoe.com, you put in the
promo code content.
How much does it cost?
The million-dollar question.
It costs a million dollars.
No, it costs nothing, and you just pay $5 shipping for your first month.
Plans start at $20 per month.
That's nothing.
That's nothing.
That's like three Netflix accounts,
which we all have.
It's great.
It's four comments.
Cancel Netflix, cancel Hulu, get your dick hard.
It's for Patreon accounts on patreon.com/slash come town.
And get back into torrenting, jack off to the Netflix shows you don't want to pay for anymore.
That's so true.
Plan to start at $20 per month at Cometown or Cometown 20, the promo code.
It's one of those.
That you've been waiting for
your whole fucking life.
And
you just pay the shipping on your first order.
So you get your first month free, $5,
your dick gets hard.
That's all that, that's, that's, that's the math, guys.
$5 hard dick.
Who would say no to that?
Nobody.
Nobody.
A fucking idiot would.
You know who would?
Somebody with the gentrifying urge.
The gentrifying urge to open a third coffee shop.
God damn.
That is such a clean joke.
It's right on time.
It's viral potential.
Yeah, the meme has been, the urge meme has been going around.
The urge meme just
started really picking up.
Just started.
Yeah, you're getting in.
Gentrification, Joe.
Oh, my God.
Gentrification is just kind of that's a rich vein to tap into.
And the coffee shop.
So, yeah, remember that, Quinn Coffee Shop.
We're reminding you: please retweet and like
Ian's tweet from
January
at 4:42 p.m.
Right now, as of recording, it has two retweets, 27 likes.
Oh, 27.
So he's doing numbers.
In the gentrified
28 likes, 28 likes.
Oh, wow.
The gentrified one.
He just got another one to open the third coffee shop on one block in Brooklyn.
Let's see who liked it.
Let's shout them out because they're the early likers at Castroholic, at Johnny Oroco.
Don't say people's ads.
We're thanking them for liking it.
Okay.
Anyway, let's see.
So, what's interesting, so Marco's Pizza was actually not really until 2002 wasn't
a chain.
But industry expert Jack Butterack was a picture of a picture.
I'm a Marco's modern penis.
And he's like, Oh, my penis doesn't work because I'm a dog.
I'm a dingo.
I'm a dingo, and I live in
a fucking pineapple under the sea.
Oh, they've under the sea.
My bonus doesn't work.
Oh my god.
And then his friend, what's his name?
Dingo?
Philbert.
Filbert.
No, that was the.
Now, of course, you would know his name.
And he's like, I'm
noisy.
I'm off the gate.
Adam with his tool.
Remember?
Filbert was a thinly veiled
assembly truck.
Remember Adam's tool?
It was a turtle, I believe.
And you're gay.
And it spoke.
I can't see where a Marcos is, though.
I don't see where they are even at.
Well, they're buying national ad time during Storage Wars, Texas.
So they have to.
The thing is, we haven't opened a single shop yet.
But we're trying to get the word out.
Wait, what did this happen?
So we spent $800 million on advertising,
and now we're out of money.
So I come to you, the sharks,
asking for another $800 million
so I can pay off the debt to the advertisers and open a lemonade stand as to work my way up to opening the first pizza restaurant.
Oh, they have a thousand locations.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know, it is exciting stuff.
Wow, $14,000.
You know how you find that place?
On this story?
You got this, you got it, you go, Marco.
And then they go to pizza.
Now, that's how you say the punchline at the same time, and you have a good time.
I just saw the Jewish guy.
storage.
What do they say, pizza?
What do they say, pizza?
What do they say, pizza?
Marco.
Mo, okay.
This was a good.
Okay, to catch everyone up, this was a pretty lucrative episode.
Episode.
Ricky and Mo.
Yeah.
Mo made $14,215.
Oh, Lisa made zero.
Yeah, I should just go in the storage facility hustling after this shit fucking, but the bottom falls out.
This guy's a genius.
This guy knows.
I have to switch to crap.
Look at those those shoes he got
money's a little tight so i'm switching to crack i'm switching to crack cocaine
switching to crack oh dude they fit a different kind of diet so wow he's putting on high heels this is me
what the fuck is this guy this is me he's putting on high heels he got that guy's got parkinson's too right no mo does yeah you see his hands shake and all the fucking you know i don't think he does he's like wow i found this yeah some people have a minor shake i don't think that's parkinson the shake is not from Parkinson's it's from the medication it's called dyskinesia oh really yeah I didn't know that Parkinson's is actually the rigidity of your muscles get the fuck out of it yeah it's interesting and when the full name out of the music now does that make your dick
it's called tardive unfortunately it doesn't
so you're telling me it makes every muscle in your body rigid except your cock i guess
it makes it difficult to move yeah how about
tardive dyskinasia have you heard of that one no i haven't yeah i always thought that was a funny name that would come up on the TV.
They said, have you been diagnosed with tardive dyskinasia
after exposure to
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?
What happened to that?
I don't know.
I know somebody believed it and died.
I was a country we were a country croc family in my house.
Well, that's not butter.
I can't believe it's not butter.
It was like margarine or something.
Isn't country croc margarine?
I thought that was just butter.
No.
No, I think that was also a margarine.
Let's find out.
I forget what I bought.
Landa Lakes, I think, is what I bought before the
before Kerrygold was everywhere.
I never used margarine.
I always use butter.
In my family, it was called plant butter, which sounds like margarine to me.
Adam plants his butt cheeks on a man's cock.
That is so fucking true.
He's like,
let me just give your cock a smooch with my ass.
No, you're more.
Let me just plant a kick cheek.
He's trained his asshole to make the sound.
I think the cock is the one that's being planted in the
case.
No, Adam comes to the room.
He's got his pants pulled down.
That is not always.
The ass doesn't get.
Happy birthday, Mr.
President.
He does say that.
All of that is true.
A lot of people say I have a similar vibe to Maryland.
Mr.
President.
No, they say you fucked as many guys.
Anyway,
listen, tonight, if you're in Houston, come see me.
Tomorrow I'll be in Austin, Texas, then Addison.
Then San Francisco, Vancouver, St.
Louis, Chicago, Burlington, Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta.
Also, stay tuned for my coming up Q ⁇ A Adam Friedland Tell All
tour.
Speaking tour, a full hour you can ask any question you want about Adam's life, and I am giving every detail, any detail, juicy detail.
Anything I can think of
will be,
you have to sign an NDA when you come to it.
Sign NDA tickets are $150.
If I find out you're reselling the information later, I will have you killed
Thank you.
I appreciate you at least protecting me in that.
So go to stabby.biz slash tour.
And look, maybe as a late Valentine's Day present, you buy your significant other one of my calendars.
Yeah, it's February, but there's still 10 more months.
And also, folks, if you're in Boston, you can come see me this weekend at hi.com.
I feel like if I released a calendar, I would spend $10,000 to get them all printed.
And then Joe Biden would be like, we're getting rid of March.
It's not a year anymore.
We're getting rid of it.
It's not going to be a year anymore.
We're doing a different kind of year.
Same for big government yet again.
Now, now it's now I'm going to be president.
We got four months now, a month, a year.
And now I'm going to be president for 15 years.
How much do you think Joe will live?
I can't imagine another six months.
I truly can't.
I really don't understand.
It's awesome.
He's the only winner in this whole thing.
All right.
Well,
check out patreon.com
slash come channel if you want to hear the rest of this story.
Yeah.
My phone just buzzed.
Another data breach alert.
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