Ep. 294 – zojirushi

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It's been

one week since I saw your dick.

And now I forgot what it looks like.

Can I see it again?

Can I look?

Can I see it?

Just to check.

I just want to check.

I just want to make sure that I remember what it looks like.

I still remember what it smells like.

Give me that stinky dick.

Let me suck your stinky ass penis.

I really want to fuck the man and is that so?

It's time to kill myself.

Nice.

Yes, but first, Come Town.

That's right.

Yeah.

The name of the show.

I'll tell you what.

Yeah.

Folks, just go ahead and go to patreon.com slash come town

and check out the premium episode because this year we're doing something special

where,

you know, I know a lot of people thought the show was lazy and unprofessional before.

Yeah.

We've heard that.

And by the way, we pour our hearts and souls into this show.

I'm exhausted.

We have meetings.

We listen back to every episode.

Adam has the like a

we don't have, we don't, it's kind of like curb your enthusiasm.

We don't write down the dialogue, but we know where each scene is going to go.

Yeah, there's a loose outline.

There's a loose outline.

Yeah, we have lawyers in the room, standards and practices.

So that's pretty worthy executives.

They should have called that show Circumcise Your Enthusiasm.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

I noticed that's something I realized while noticing the demographics of the show.

Yeah.

Right.

I don't know what you mean.

Oh, Jewish people, you you mean?

Shut up.

Okay.

I'll be quiet.

He's uncut.

What do you mean he's uncut?

He's uncut.

Something like that.

That would be Jeff and

Larry.

And Larry.

Yeah.

And then he's like, I ain't uncut.

You know, that would be a black guy.

Well, you know, who's J.B.

Smooth?

Oh, J.B.

Smooth.

Yeah, yeah.

Leon.

Leon would have a really thick

uncut.

Oh, Larry, you don't have a hood?

Right.

Something like that.

larry you got to have a hood you got to get and then it would be an episode where larry tries to grow his you know i get four skins larry you know i get mine

that's more dick to suck you got a hood that's extra dick a girl can suck yeah and larry's like i am your boop you know

yeah the crazy ass killer episode yeah he says it he says it a couple times yeah he says it in the bat in the courtroom scene

where he hears a guy a racist in the bathroom and then he has to tell the judge that's funny that he heard a racist guy in the bathroom he said what did he say?

And then he says that the judge is black, or something like that.

He doesn't just say the n-word, he just says he says, or maybe he repeats like that movie

liar, liar, that scene where he goes into the post office and it's all a bunch of black black people.

And he accidentally cuts one in the line.

The guy's like, hey, what do you think I am here, pal?

And he's like,

and then he's

Okay.

Jesus Christ.

I'm just trying to get my kids back.

I'm divorced.

And I'm trying.

I didn't read.

I don't remember that scene.

I remember Jennifer Tilley's big ass tits.

Yeah, big old flappy sloppy.

She's awesome.

Yeah, I love her.

Savaros and I just watched...

Well, we all watched.

Well, let me, should I say that I'm podcasting through

COVID?

Through incredible

adversity right now.

I am infected with the novel coronavirus.

She's in Sanders, or what's it called?

Procedures.

I'm in.

What's it called in the NBA?

Oh,

protocols.

Protocols.

I'm in coronavirus protocols right now.

I am non-symptomatic, maybe a little fatigue, a little whatever, but I'm playing through the pain.

Shout out to the booster.

Adam, can you see my vape pen?

It fell.

I felt in the chair somewhere.

So that's your job.

Okay, yes.

Adam and Nick recently are recovered and are not scared.

We're not going to live our lives in fear.

That's what I learned from having the virus.

And I've sort of found a similar thing.

And since I was lucky enough to have...

Since I'm lucky enough to have a mild case, I decided I'm going to give back.

I'm going to hospitals and I'm volunteering.

What is this?

They call him Snack Adams.

Yeah.

Dressed up like the Pringles guy.

I'm going in and no mask.

I want people to see my face.

I want them to see your smile.

What's up?

Y'all got fucking like fucking Down syndrome or what are they putting in?

What are you in St.

Jude's for?

Yeah.

This one's just so you look like you got stuck in an escalator.

What the hell?

What do you got?

This one's all twisted up.

Yeah.

You ever notice that over in India?

They got weird.

It's all because you guys are just like bald.

One of you's got glasses.

is too thick.

Right.

But over in India, four arms.

A kid's got a dick for a nose.

Bobby Slayton will be at St.

Jude's Hospital this weekend.

The pitball.

Yeah, yeah.

So, what's the deal?

You guys are, what are you like, fucking retards or something?

That thing about the dick's true?

I have leukemia.

Do you have a bigger dick?

You got a, I'm not asking you.

Show it, pull it out.

I'm not going to ask you to pull your cock out, but only because you're six.

Because then I'm a fucking pedophile.

Any 12-year-olds?

Any 12-year-old retards?

Let's see your cops.

Let me ask you something.

Where the fuck are the helmets?

My whole life, I was told that you guys, you go around wearing fucking helmets all the time.

I've never

once in my life seen a retard actually wearing a fucking helmet.

Where did that come from?

Makes me think maybe they're on the dick.

Right.

Or maybe the dick thing isn't true.

Right.

That's a great point, Bobby.

Down syndrome.

Why do they call it that?

That seems like a slap in the face.

What?

He's got to be sad.

Call it up syndrome.

Just because he looks like a Chinese guy.

Right.

He's got to be sad about that.

Yeah.

What happens when it when it when it

when it

gets down syndrome?

Right.

Does he look double Chinese?

What?

How do they know if that.

What happens when a

with Down syndrome gets sleepy?

His eyes get so his eyelids get so close together probably split a fucking atom.

That's an interesting question.

Maybe we didn't even drop the bomb in Japan.

Maybe not.

Maybe it was a couple of Japanese guys with Down syndrome taking a siesta.

Woo!

Yeah, the kids are all clapping.

They're laughing.

Oh, he went down.

That's so true, Bobby.

He went down.

Saint Jude?

That doesn't make any sense.

Was he Christian or a fucking?

You know, it doesn't.

Which one is it?

Right.

What's next?

Grand Wizard fucking cletus.

You know what I'm saying?

Because it's like a white thing

and a black thing.

Look, guys, I do crowd work.

And we're not, we can't say I'm technically firing in all cylinders here crowd-wise.

This kid's more chair than human.

What all those fucking buttons do?

Which one is I press to get a FaceTime with Elmo?

Get Elmo on the phone, that red faggot.

You know, I worked with him.

I worked with him for years.

Back in the 80s.

Back when I was on,

you know, I like to talk about it, but when I was on Stern.

Right.

You going to clap, you fucking ingrates?

Look at the Elephantias.

This kid's got enough hands for everybody.

Why don't you fucking get a round of applause going?

That's a big hand.

They should do that.

Yeah, just have Bobby Slade and go to St.

Jude's.

Yeah, dude.

Cheer the kids up.

It's the greatest medicine.

Laughter, nothing better than laughter.

Laughing beats it.

Nothing fucking beats it.

That is how you've defeated the novel coronavirus.

Much of like six-year-olds hooked up to dialysis machines.

Like, yeah, my wife's pussy's trash.

It's fucking garbage.

I would love to go attend the Pit Bulls comedy show

in 2022.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I saw him at fucking Gotham like 10, 11 years ago.

Yeah.

Awesome.

Yeah.

Even, yeah.

He literally did that.

There was a Chinese lady up front.

He's like, are you fucking Chinese or asleep?

I can't tell.

And then she like got up, stormed out, took her jacket, and then her boyfriend, like, just kind of followed her out and was like silent in the room.

And because prior to that, no, sorry, I fucked up the story.

Prior to that, he's just like drilling in there.

He's like, what are you canting these Mandarin?

What's the fucking dip?

Why the fuck do you need two of that shit?

Like, doing that thing.

And then she gets mad and goes to sleep in Chinese.

She storms out.

And then it's like dead silent in there because people like don't really know how to react.

And he just picks up her chair and sniffs the seat and he goes, yeah, that's Mandarin.

Respect.

Yeah.

I'd love to see him in a

crowd.

What would he do if everyone was Chinese?

Would that be

our circuit?

That's the reality he's going to face.

When we're in the Olympic stadium in Beijing,

you know, it's going to be tough to do crowd work.

That would be an interesting thought experiment.

Yeah.

Or just a regular experiment, I guess.

Let's get Bobby Slayton in a room full of Chinese people.

At At St.

Jude's Hospital.

Any of you Chinese?

You gotta tell me, you gotta have one sick Chinese kid here.

Who's on my fucking riot?

I'm dying over here.

Let's just pretend this one's Chinese.

Let's imagine for a second that this fucking...

What, are you Puerto Rican or something?

You gotta imagine that.

You kids.

Jesus, you look like you were born in a fucking lens crafters.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, man.

So, you know, I'm podcasting through it, man.

Yeah.

This is my third podcast done.

I podcasted last night.

And one today already.

Yeah.

So,

so we're getting the hashtag, hashtag stop strong going.

Stop strong.

Hashtag stop strong.

Exactly right.

And we are actually, you guys,

anyone saying that we're being true.

I really love that people.

Cautious, we are at St.

Jude's Hospital.

There's a full medical staff that will ignore the dying children.

I guarantee you, like, like people like, I don't know, like 19, 18, 19 years old have no idea what the Boston marathon bombing is.

And I love that.

You think so?

Because

they wanted that to be 9-11.

Oh, Boston.

They wanted that.

If you don't get a 9-11, you pieces of shit.

Like, four guys died.

One guy lost his hand.

And then they're like, they're like, and Chokar was hot.

It's Muslims that did it.

They're like, well, they were Chechen.

And then it's like...

The Chechens are sick.

He's like, don't put too many details in there.

People don't know what that is.

And they're like, yeah, what is Cheka?

Did I i tell you i looked it up there's only like fucking a thousand chechens in the united states that's awesome there's like none of them that's so sick and one of them did the boston marathon yeah literally fucking one percent of them are terrorists

chechens are fucking sick they're awesome they're all yeah all of all of the caucus they all have chin strap beards and love mma and midgets it's funny they all get their own little magical little wizard because they're like

they're caucasians right the literal caucasians actual caucasians the purest forms but that's like caucasian is is just like a.

I mean, it's like pejorative to a certain extent.

I mean, not in.

Anytime anyone's saying it, it's like nobody's describing themselves as Caucasian.

But they're like probably one of the most oppressed groups of people on the earth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Caucasians have faced some of the hardest, right?

The hardest oppression.

So your family's been at war with Russia since 1840.

And then you fucking come to the United States, and then

your dumb mountain means cracker.

Means fucking white loser.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, what are you supposed to do?

Not blow up a fucking bitch ass?

You know,

and then hide and then hide in a boat.

Yeah, that was sick.

But he was like a boxer, right?

Wasn't he like CTE or something?

The older brother?

Tamerlin.

He got fucked up, right?

Didn't they shoot him?

Tamerlin died.

Yeah, they shot him a box.

Jahar was in the boat.

Oh, Jahar was in the boat.

Yeah, and then he went to jail.

He's still there, right?

Did he get the death penalty?

Doesn't that take like 80 years to kill him?

I think think he's...

No, he's a Twitch streamer now.

Oh, is he?

Yeah.

He has like a socialist Twitch stream

where he plays.

Yeah.

He just puts like,

you know, like capitalism, surprise Pikachu face, and he makes a quarter million dollars a month.

And he wears like a bunch of chains.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's sick, dude.

Yeah,

he dresses like Ian.

Oh, I forgot.

That's right.

Hassan did the bombing.

It was Hassan, basically.

To explain the job.

I forgot.

I should bring that.

I should tell him, Good job.

Yeah.

Yeah, good job on the bombing ass.

How many people did die?

Let's really do the fucking numbers.

I don't know.

Have you seen the movie, though, Patriots Day?

No, fuck no.

I would never watch that bitch-ass movie.

Are you serious?

You watched that?

I watched it in a hotel.

I thought we watched it in a hotel.

No.

I guess I did.

I guess I did alone.

Misremembering romantic hotel nights.

I guess it was with a girl.

Yeah, no, Peter Berg made it.

Who's Peter Berg?

He's like the right-wing figure.

It's funny to imagine Adam putting movies on with a woman that he wants to make fun of.

Three people.

Three people?

And 260 injuries.

Terrific as a lot of images.

And it's a movie and bombing the entire movie.

17 people lost lips, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just imagine pretending he's recreating hangout watching movies with the boys.

Yeah.

But he's producing

zero hits riffs.

Mm-hmm.

And be like, well, see a lady won't be.

Now I'm the funny one.

A lady won't be as mean to me.

Let's see here.

Yeah,

he's 28 now.

I guess he's been in jail for a while.

He was born in Kazakhstan.

Kajika, Zurka Kajukistan.

Durka Durkistan.

He's got a sister named Bella.

Let's see if she's hot.

She's got to be hot, dude.

She's perfect.

If she hits the tweezers, I guarantee you.

She's all right.

There's a diamond under that rough.

Tamerlin's wife was really hot.

He married a Latina and then made her be Muslim.

That's sick, dude.

He married a Puerto Rican girl.

It's a shame that you can't do that.

But

marry Latina and make her be Chinese.

Raising our kids Chinese.

Okay.

Okay, bitch.

Listen to me.

Stop calling me stupid.

Okay.

Dude, that's a good move to marry a hot Latina and then make her fucking wear a fucking

cover that ass up.

Cover the hair.

Cover that beautiful hair up.

Yeah.

That's interesting.

Muslims and Orthodox Jews don't let bitches show their hair.

The two coolest kind of people.

That's so...

What are people going to bust on hair?

I think that's it.

No, it's that the husband is the only one that

gets to look at the real hair.

Why, though?

Who cares?

It's like sexist.

I don't know.

But why?

I don't want to go out on the line here.

Look, cover your tits, cover your pussy.

I get that.

Everyone knows.

Can I ask you something real quick?

Sure.

You got PlayStation 5.

I do.

Where'd you get it?

George got it.

I don't know.

Fucking George.

Yeah, George's five.

Why?

George is looking at the voice.

It's ridiculous that we don't have three PlayStation 5s in the crew right now.

Hey, I'm pulling my weight, man.

Yeah, Sav's been.

Sav's been there for a year.

My husband got it for us.

Because I was like, I'll wait, but now Gran Turismo 7 is coming out.

You got to get it.

It's out.

I feel like it's pretty easy to get now, right?

No, dude.

It's still hard.

Really?

Well, I mean, you know, when I check once a week.

Right.

He's like, you got to fucking like.

It's really hard.

You got to fucking

read articles.

Nasty old white women.

You got to read articles about

PlayStation 5 Sakira.

Can you imagine a lower station in life than being like the Gizmodo guy that has to write up the PlayStation 5 restocks 10 years after it came out?

Good news, guys.

No, all those.

Target is having a restock.

And it's like nine paragraphs.

Yeah.

And it's like, how the fuck?

What is going into this article?

All those guys are now posting about where to get rapid tests.

Like for real.

Like the

Kotaku guys.

He He used to be getting Yeezys.

Yeah.

Like Air Force.

Yeah, like sneaker places and electronics people are like get rapids.

Dude, I had to buy rapids from, I don't want to say that, a competitor dick pill company.

Because they sell them.

That's bullshit.

That's crazy that those companies are that one.

That's bullshit.

They're capitalizing on it.

I mean, it was a pretty, it wasn't actually.

They're pretty expensive if you find them.

If you catch one.

Yeah.

They're like 50 bucks.

No, these were cheaper than that.

Ones I found were like 50.

But then I went to fucking go get tested at a just a place in person just to double check.

And

motherfuckers were charging $200 a test.

I thought it was free.

But it was covered by insurance.

A bunch of shit has popped up that they're trying to take advantage of.

There's no more rules.

Dude, it was so fake.

It was like a little Malaysian family.

It was like three fat siblings.

It was two fat daughters and a fat son.

One of my favorite

pandemic stories is this guy.

You probably know him, but he's like,

he's like a Rose Emoji healthcare guy.

He's like that.

Oh, that guy.

The healthcare expert.

But his whole thing is like, I'm smarter than everybody else or whatever.

Healthcare expert.

And then during COVID, goes to get a test and

ends up in collections.

Wow.

Manages to find the one place

where, yeah, they like just, I don't know, like to fucking charge.

On his Social Security, they charge, like, he got fucking ended up with like a thousand dollar bill for testing.

Holy shit.

It's such a fucking scam.

God damn it.

I know.

And it's like, I know one doesn't lead to the other, but it is very funny to

be like, I'm actually an expert on fire departments, so I know how they need to be reformed.

And then your house burns down.

Well, that even burns down.

You fucking like your thighs rub together too much while walking, and you incinerate

on the street.

The one time you have to go get anything remotely medical done.

Well, this

you're thinking these people, it's a little bit big life lock afterwards.

Yeah, I mean, that's it's it's fucking insane.

They were charging like 200, and

I thought it was just gonna be like a testing center.

You just pop in, do the thing.

I guess the way they get around it is they pretend they're a doctor's office.

They literally just FaceTimed some bitch who was a doctor, and they're like, Do you have symptoms?

I was like, No.

Like, have you been exposed?

I was like, Yes.

Like, okay, enjoy your day.

It's like, what the fuck was this for?

Yeah.

And then, yeah, just this fat little family was just like taking taking tests and shit.

What's up?

You got something?

What are you looking at your phone for, man?

Okay, for the listeners at home, the mice are back.

My landlord texts me.

Oh, no, the mice are back?

The mice are back, and then my landlord texts me about

that the super is going to enter my apartment if I give her permission.

Right.

I said, yes.

What happened?

What happened with the mice?

I think it snowed on Friday, and I think

I killed nine mice this week.

Yourself, personally?

I trapped nine mice.

How?

With what kind of traps?

Glue traps.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

But they have to put down poison.

I mean, there's like, I can't live with that.

What do you do with them when they're glued to the thing?

I throw them screaming.

They are very cute.

They're just stuck to the thing.

Yeah, it's very sad.

I see them suffering.

And then what do you do?

You just put the glue thing outside?

I put it in.

I put it in the gar.

What do you mean?

I should take a hammer and smash them?

Honestly, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, it's like.

Put them in a bag and start fucking tap dancing.

They can freeze.

Dude, imagine dying like that.

You're naked on a glue.

Your balls are on glue.

Your feet, your hand, your balls are on glue.

I love that Adam's approach is like, let me do the nice guy thing.

And ends up killing them in the most inhumane,

torturous way possible, which is to have them stuck to glue, put them in a trash bag, and then they're either crushed or frozen to death outside in the garbage.

Yeah, fuck them.

They're going to come in.

They just get eaten by a rat.

It is true.

It is true.

It's like kind of an analogy for Israel becoming the Nazi state, right?

Yep.

Because the mice are like kind of like little five L's.

Right.

Yeah.

Yep.

And

I'm not taking.

And they call you Five Lival.

I do.

Five L's.

Small dick, gay, hearted,

Jewish.

That's the biggest L.

Gay again.

Gay again.

Gay can't be.

Most people can't, but you are.

Stealing jokes.

Which, by the way, we're watching Sex in the City.

Was that your first full episode?

I watched it a lot when I was a kid in Greece.

I watched it with my mom, I remember, back in the day.

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the playoffs kick off.

Thank you.

Thank you for doing our friends at My Bookie justice with this awesome read, Nick.

That's what they wanted.

Wager on your pick to take home

Super Bowl

56.

The Packers

look like obvious favorites, but you can't count out the defending champion Buccaneers.

No, you can't.

Once again, the Packers look

like.

What do they look like?

Do they look like Chinese?

No.

Obviously.

No.

These Packers, what do they look like?

Chinese people either?

They looking Chinese.

Green Bay, they should call this place fucking

dog from dog.

No.

No, they shouldn't.

They should call it a fucking math classroom with a serving dog as a snack.

No.

They should call it Islam.

I did not call it that.

Mr.

Slayton, you have 50 minutes.

The Pit Bull of Comedy will be doing the last half of this read.

Yeah, they call me the Pit Bull of Comedy.

You have to understand, to Americans, that's like a scary animal.

But in China.

Don't look at me like that.

This kid's mouth watering.

Oh, never mind.

He's fucking drooling.

Because he's in here for being retarded.

The field is wide open.

So head to my bookie and back your team

to go all the way to this postseason.

That's right.

I think this is the Raiders' year, finally.

You think so?

Since our embarrassing Super Bowl loss to the Tampa Bay.

Don't miss out.

Buccaneers.

Double your first deposit up to $1,000 by using promo code Come Town or Come

or perhaps Cometown22.

Yeah.

I don't know why it was over.

Just try a bunch of money first thing.

At the MyBookie, place your bets and get ready for the unmatched intensity of playoff football.

Bet anything, anytime, anywhere with MyBookie.

So sick.

So good.

I can't wait to be betting my little fucking nuts off.

You know what?

I don't think it matters what the promo code is.

Yeah, who knows?

Yeah.

Just fucking try it.

I don't know how any of that.

We don't even give a fuck.

Yeah, we literally.

Just use our good friends over at MyBookie and let them know Cometown sent you something.

They might do a speculative read in 20 minutes or so.

Oh, guys, also.

Just in case somebody wants to up their contracts

out on January because they put

replaced the guy, you know, with a couple of women.

Oh, and also, if I didn't come to San Diego because I didn't test negative, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I don't know yet.

We're waiting to see if I test negative tomorrow.

Well, he kept typing in

Candiego.

I did not do that.

And I will be losing plenty of money.

It's not just

a search in the kayak search.

I was not typing in Candiego.

He opened up his web browser to the Frosted Flakes homepage.

I go to my homepage is frostedflakes.com.

What does that even look like?

I'm about to check.

Go to it.

And guys, if you are in in Chicago, I'll be at Lincoln Lodge.

And in Boston, I'll be at Hideout Comedy.

And there will be some other places.

So I'll be posting the links for those.

And listen, if I'm not in San Diego, I'm sorry, but I definitely will be in Las Vegas on the 27th to the 29th, then Sacramento.

Hey, this is pretty good.

It's a good website.

Then Houston, Austin, Addison, San Francisco, Vancouver, St.

Louis, Chicago, Burlington, Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta, the whole goddamn thing, Toronto, Providence.

I will have beaten coronavirus by that point.

I will not be canceling it.

They're calling it the victory last

time.

Honey, not frosted flakes.

Ooh,

bitch.

Yeah.

Now I'm listening.

And by the way, by my calendar, still January, still got plenty of stuff to mark up.

Oh, and Funny Moms will be coming back.

Maybe I'll let you guys know when.

Maybe after the virus is over in six years.

Also, I will be at Airlines on Broadway.

The Kellogg Frosted Flakes website has the different serials they offer within user reviews.

Interesting.

And the Frosted Flex marshmallows has three stars.

Wow, they let that out there.

It says, oh, juicy.

One of eight of 208 reviews from Tiger fan, one star a year ago.

They were great when they first came out.

Not now.

I'll give them credit, though.

They let that out there.

We bought these when they first came out.

They were great with the mini marshmallows.

The small size and generous amount of marshmallows.

This has to to be fake.

But why would they put bad ribs?

Why would they make it bad?

To make it look real.

What the fuck?

To be like, we're humble?

No, not to be we're humble, but you have to understand the mind of Mencia.

Hold on.

Grandpa Danny says, disappointed.

I grew up eating frosted flakes and loved them.

Still do it as I now enjoy them with my grandson.

I came across these new ones, so of course I bought them.

I had to wait a whole week for him to come over so I could eat them.

Nonetheless, I fought temptation.

I was exited like a little boy.

Mad Mencia.

Excited?

But he spelled it wrong.

Madmen Sia?

Madmen Sia.

Why would you smoke a different type of cigarette?

What are you, a fucking retard?

Lucky strikes.

You got to smoke lucky strikes.

I don't know.

This is interesting.

I'm with you.

My impulse is to say this is fake.

Let me ask you something.

Why do you fucking retard smoke cigarettes?

You're already in here.

You're fucking four and you already got cancer.

I'd be smoking two packs a day.

The fuck you have to look forward to.

More cancer?

So true.

What?

They tell you you're going to get out of that wheelchair?

They're fucking lying.

Only if you go into a bigger wheelchair.

Oh, that's so fucking true.

Let me ask you something.

You ever get jealous of babies that learn how to walk?

You know?

Right.

Because it's a baby.

Because it's a baby.

It's a baby.

You'll never be able to do it.

And you're lucky.

And

they'll always be better than you.

You'll never...

These kids crying.

We wanted to see John Cena.

They said Jon Stewart was coming.

Sometimes jokes can hurt people.

Which is fucking true.

But you know what had a bunch of really good jokes?

It's the episode of The Sex of the City.

We watched a really good one.

We watched season three, episode five, in between episodes today.

And

I think it was a pretty exhilarating watch, if I'm not mistaken.

I agree with that.

Samantha experienced reverse racism.

Black cock for the first time.

Well, there's no way she just.

I don't know.

They didn't say first time.

They didn't say first line.

Yeah, that's not believable.

If they had an episode where they were all fucking Thai ladyboys, I'd believe that.

Right.

They're like, look, we're all 67 years old,

oiling ourselves every day to maintain some degree of lubrication.

They say I'm more Vaseline than woman now.

It's time to get fucked.

You fucking fry an egg on my pussy.

I put so much avocado oil on it.

By the woman that glues fake nails to my bony, veiny hands.

Although this was in, this was in their, when was this?

This was in the original season.

It was either the late 90s or early 2000s.

And everyone but Miranda was looking really good.

I even think Miranda was fine.

Miranda's the redhead.

I should have been like a marriage counselor or something because,

you know, these asshole marriage counselors, they're all assholes.

I was married for 28 years.

That was a long time.

Long time.

I was with my wife for 30 years before she passed away.

30 years.

30 years is a long time.

With a wing chill factor, it was like 130.

It's a long time.

I'm not making fun of the fact that my wife died.

I went through a lot of shit, man, the last two months.

I went to a grief counselor, and

it was the same grief counselor that married us

it's amazing how things come full circle

laughing at my dead wife i hope you're happy

but but you know you know what it is it's a

i forgot what it's talking about but it doesn't matter there's so many things on my mind that i have to discuss with you um

this is the video to promote a weekend he's doing

it up with a bit about him like

it i don't remember where that one goes

Let me ask you something.

Are you like some kind of Chinese guy?

Where is he?

Let's plug his date, man.

Yeah, we're not shitting on a list.

I think this is old.

Let's see.

This is no events have been scheduled for this comedian.

He'll come back.

He's coming back.

He's coming back.

And he's coming back stronger.

Keep an eye out.

He's probably taking coronavirus off.

But no, here's what's important.

The anniversary thing.

Let me get back to that.

The anniversary thing.

It's very important to a woman.

Because you know what?

It's not important to you, really?

Now you can't say this.

He's looking at her.

Let it go.

She doesn't give a flying fuck about your anniversary.

Do you see what I've done for you here?

I don't know.

I don't think you see what I've done.

Okay, don't tell me.

When's your anniversary?

What's the date?

What?

You know?

How do you know?

Are you fucking his wife?

How do you know?

Woo!

These people, people, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry,

you know his anniversary?

It's my nephew.

That's your nephew.

What?

Family night out.

You were there.

How do you remember this shit?

When's your anniversary?

May 25th.

May 27th.

That's my birthday.

May 25th.

That's Wednesday.

When's your anniversary?

May 29th.

May 29th.

Okay, that's that's Sunday.

That's what I'm having.

Oh, God, this is really creepy.

I'm sorry to.

I got a lot of shit going on here.

well so yeah imagine him i mean let me find the better i can't feel bad about playing that instead of a better video of him ripping into a chinese guy let's find that

yeah find that let's mail him a check after this yeah we don't want to take advantage

uh

we should have him on i'm just searching for open invite open door open invite if you guys know bobby slayton tell him to come on and come to him we want him on the pod

and we want also if you're a Chinese person we want

the same episode Chinese adoption let's see now we're talking

women you know what I don't think if you had all the rights and everything you'll still find something to picture

now we're talking brother

bill which is great it won't be worth as much but still

still it's a thought that counts It's a thought that counts.

That's what's important.

You know, there's a lot of Chinese people in the States.

I expect right, Bobby.

Thank you very much.

You should have found a better transition, but there are.

You have a lot of Chinese people up here too.

You know, I'll tell you why there's so many Chinese people.

Now, what people are doing, it's a big thing in the States.

And somebody told me up here in Canada also that people are going to China to adopt babies.

My cousin did it.

One of my friends did it.

And when I asked them, what are you going to China for?

There's plenty of babies to be adopted in the United States.

And what they told me was the red tape and the paperwork was so incredible that it was easier to go to China to get a baby.

It's kind of a sad state of affairs.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with that.

But all over over LA, you go to the mall and you see white people with Chinese children.

Again, that's fine.

But it's got to be so awkward when you go into the foot walker and the kid starts pointing out stuff he made.

It's fine.

Awkward.

Oh, dad, you need no shoes.

Very awkward situation.

That's a lot of setup.

Yeah, I got to worry about it.

Well, it's like,

even a guy like Bobby Slayton, it's like, you know, you got to worry about,

they can't let him go the way he used to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here we go.

1987.

Now we're talking.

The next performer, the New York Post, described his act as sexist, racist, abrasive, yet endearing.

Sounds like my kind of guy.

Would you please help welcome the pit bull of comedy, Bobby Slayton?

Woo!

Woo!

Look how good comedy clubs used to look.

Yeah, dude.

Oh, session's great.

Hey, Mr.

Lettis!

Mr.

John lettuce.

Where's that?

Thank you.

How you doing?

At the old Carolines?

Where is that?

The one that was like Hell's Kitchen or whatever?

Maybe.

You know, it's funny.

I'm driving down here tonight.

I went to see my agent today.

I know it sounds like a joke, but it's true.

And I'm in Beverly Hills, and I go to this typical L.A.

And if there's this guy in front of me in a vet, you know the kind of guys who drive Corvettes.

It's always the guys with the thick necks and the little peckers, you know.

You don't see women in the cars with these guys.

And the guy, and I'm making this up, the guy's got personal life license plates with the word macho, and he had some number, macho three, whatever.

Like, he's got a whole fleet of these.

Or macho, whatever.

These are the kind of guys you want to shoot at on the freeway.

Machos, whatever.

I just love to work in the Department of Motor Vehicles when this...

No, this is like a tape thing, so he's doing material.

I'm telling you what.

You got to see the man live.

You got to.

You got to get a Chinese guy.

No, literally.

If you want to see Bobby Slayton, don't wait till he comes to your town.

See if he's going to be in, like, Berkeley or Chinatown.

I do.

Right, right, right.

Chinatown Comedy Club.

If he's doing P.F.

Changs

in the Bay Area.

Where,

you know,

the cradle of Chinese culture in the Bay Area is P.F.

Changs.

Yeah.

You know how they like going to PF Changs.

They're just going to PF Changs.

You know how they love those chicken lettuce wraps.

Lettuce wraps.

So good.

I love those.

So good.

If he's doing the Hard Lock cafe.

Yes, sir.

The hard lock cafe.

In Ras Vegas.

That's where you go see him.

Adam, where should I stay in Vegas?

Dude, you should stay in the...

In the Bandalay Bay Casino on the 37th floor.

Room 216.

I should.

I feel like everyone forgot about Paddock.

No one forgot.

No one forgot about him.

It's just that he, like, they just never figured out what happened.

And it's the fucking high score.

And yeah, they just don't have like well because here's what happened he was a

cia asset yeah that was selling fucking guns to the saudis the saudis discovered he was intelligence shot up the concert killed him then left everything in the fucking apartment yeah the the hotel

yep what happened and they got him and whatever happened to his chinese wife bobby she was filipina or whatever i think or maybe chinese yeah i saw the shooting it makes you wonder what happened to his wife

You think he fled the scene and said, Come on, baby, let's go.

And he's walking away with an eight-year-old boy who just happens to be Chinese.

They all look the same, is what I'm saying.

They all look the same.

They all got a very similar look.

I guess she probably had pretty big tits, huh?

Some of them got big tits.

That's how you know they're the women.

That's how you know they're the women.

They got the big tits.

Can you you imagine how fucked up that would be if the women didn't have tits?

And they'd really fucking look alike.

That would be fucked up.

So fucking true, man.

Yeah, dude.

Shout out to Stevie Paddock.

It's weird.

There's two types of Chinese kid you could be.

The shoemaker kind and the dick sucking kind.

That's right.

You take a standardized test.

Wait, was it an arms trail trade?

Wait, you're saying it's an arms trail that goes or trade that goes bad, and then because it goes bad, they just kill a bunch of people to cover it up?

Yeah.

Make it it look like that.

That's kind of, you could cover really.

I mean, that just seems like

a pretty drastic.

What are you saying?

It seems like a pretty drastic way to cover up

an arms deal.

It seems like a little too much dazzle camouflage.

Yeah.

Like 59

too many.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it must maybe they just wanted to do it because it would have been cool.

It felt cool.

Probably would have feel cool.

What happened to the brother, the one that said that any we go to the casino, get sushi?

Remember that guy?

Yeah, that guy was awesome.

That guy rocked.

That guy was the best.

You go to the casino and get sushi.

You have to understand

the kind of guy that Steve was.

He's talking to 15 reporters.

Outside his house.

What the kind of guy Steve was.

We're talking sushi dinners, $1,000 comp.

The fucking transition

sunglasses.

Outside his house in Summerlin.

Wearing like a big dog shirt and fucking board shorts.

Awesome.

Those kind of dads, my friends that had those kind of dads.

That guy's a hard dick savage.

Those are the best.

Those are the best kind of dads.

I hope he's all right.

I hope the deep state hasn't taken him out.

My friend who had a dad like that, he had a boat.

We'd take out on Lake Mead and he had a sign on his boat.

He got it in a novelty shop or something that said, My boat, my rules.

Awesome.

Yeah, he'd let us have beers.

That's sick.

And he would rape women on there.

And they'd try and stop him.

He'd point at the sign.

Yeah, my boat, my rules, baby.

International waters.

We're on a lake, sir.

This is a lake.

It's where they call that place, the International House of Pancakes.

You go in there, it's all white people.

You think you see some Chinese, maybe an African guy.

You imagine an African guy seeing a patent stack of pancakes for the first time.

Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe there's more than one.

African voice within the Bobby Slavon voice.

I cannot believe they have more than one.

That's expert, baby.

The whole stock of pancakes.

Oh, my goodness.

Some of them have banana.

He's turning the whole place into a fucking jungle gym.

He's throwing coconuts at the waitress.

He's brought them with him.

Yeah.

He's like, how many pancakes is this?

Chinese guy, get over here.

I'll leave with a mask.

Chinese guy wipes a cum off his face, says, What do you want?

A pair of sneakers?

I don't know how to suck that can make sneakers.

Well, that guy's got two jobs.

He's burning the midnight oil, that Chinese guy.

They work hard.

He's a hard worker.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, man.

God damn, dude.

I feel bad for Bobby Slayton.

His wife died.

Yeah.

That's sad.

Let's send him a fruit basket or something.

Yeah.

Hope he's okay.

It's a tragedy.

I thought he said 26 years.

I thought I was going to talk about a dumb bitch divorce.

He set it up that way.

That's where we buried her.

And the whole time I'm thinking, She's six feet closer to all them fucking Chinese people right now.

If you're thinking about it, you die.

They just sort of move you towards China.

A little bit.

That's all dying is, is you become a little bit Chinese.

What do they do in China?

Blast them into fucking space?

Right.

That's so fun.

That's a great question.

I bet they would do that if we weren't busy sucking dick and making sneakies.

If they weren't over there

in the IHOP, sucking everybody's cock and making them leave with a pair of Nikes.

Right.

That is absolutely correct.

Damn.

Damn.

I would love to dig a hole to the other side of the world.

Yeah.

You know?

Right through the molten core of the earth.

No, I subscribe to hollow earth theory as presented in the King Kong movies.

Where it's a monster verse on the inside.

And the inside is it's all the fucking monsters.

Yeah.

It's like the floor is a circle.

Somehow, I watched that.

What was that?

The newest one, Kong.

Kong, Godzilla Zone.

Kong reloaded.

It was Godzilla vs.

Kong.

Badass.

Very good.

They had an ancient rivalry.

So anyway, in the Sex in the City episode, season three, episode five.

Right.

No, if, and.

Possibly a guest starring Bobby Slayton.

I know.

He's not in it.

Oh, okay.

We just watched it.

Nick wasn't.

You were on your phone.

Nick was on his phone.

Sav and I were taking a look at the phone.

I was enthralled.

Both of us were.

Samantha had sex with a black record producer because

the latest drama.

On what?

You know what?

Oh, Twitters.

Yeah.

Well,

you know what.

Anyway,

I'm drama-free.

Should we talk about it?

No.

No, I'm drama-free personally.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a fucking.

I'm a.

Yeah.

I only got love in my heart.

No if, ands, or buts.

Buts spelled B-U-T-T-S

is the title of the episode from 2000.

What did he just say?

I got this Dalai Lama guy.

He's like the king of the Chinese or something.

And his whole thing is saying, oh, you know,

don't worry about life.

He'll come back.

You have reincarnated.

I believe in reincarnation.

Well, I would, too, if I look like every other motherfucker around the world.

If you look at somebody and you say, is that me?

Is this a picture of me?

Right.

So, yeah, and

if hands are butts,

Carrie considers.

She meets Aiden.

Actually, Carrie meets Aiden boring.

For the canon of the show, it's a big moment because Aiden becomes a boyfriend.

Who's

played by Bobby Slate?

Yeah, by the way.

I'm making fucking furniture.

Don't smoke, you bitch.

He doesn't like that she's a pussy.

He doesn't like that.

He thinks that her smoking is a turnoff.

He tells her on the first date, this is how unrealistic the show is.

He tells her on the first date, it's not a real world.

It's hard to smell, it's that it dries you out.

Right.

You pussy absolutely, of course.

Dry.

He tells her on the first date, he won't.

It's like the pussy skin's made out of treasure maps.

It's disgusting.

Yeah, so he tells her he won't date a person who smokes cigarettes.

First of all, you're going to get the pussy at least.

You're going to get the pussy and then say it.

And then you say it later.

Of course.

No one behaves that way.

No one behaves that way, except for in the stupid universe where

dying of AIDS, old Jewish comedy writers

are writing puns for

the brains of a bunch of dumb bitches.

So many women became so much dumber.

Yeah, they're talking about first kisses.

It's like they're 30.

Yeah, they're lawyers.

Bobby's late in the tiny middle of the video is Chinesehaircuts.mpeg.

Okay, all right, all right.

All right, let's go back to that.

Then we'll revisit the sex in the episode.

You know, you ever go to a barber shop or a beauty salon, you know, where they have all the different hairdos on the wall.

You think in a barbershop in China, they just have like 30 pictures of Mo?

I got hit the view right here.

We have our mo.

Oh, yeah.

You have to go to the three stooges?

Mo?

Mo?

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Mo,

you're driving crazy.

Are you busy here?

Where are you on mo?

Mo?

We are running out of haircut, Mo.

We have uh mo?

Okay, Pete Rose.

Pete Rose.

Plus, break.

That's awesome.

He milked that.

Anyway,

so Aiden, whatever.

Boring.

But then.

autoplay.

But then

Samantha meets

a young black professional music record mogul

executive producer type for

Big Boy Records, I believe.

Something like that, yeah.

Tommy Boy Records.

Tommy Boy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a Chris Farley themed.

We're going to start a rap company.

They produced a fat guy in a little coat.

The hit.

The hit Smash single.

Yeah, Down by the River.

Fat guy in a little coat.

Anyway.

Anyway, so

she meets a black gentleman, and they started a romantic

where she goes black.

And then

the black guy's sister is

a hot chef.

Who's a hot

fuck for the hot young black female chef?

What's her name?

Fucking Aunt Jemima.

Was she making pancakes?

I wonder where she works.

Maybe the IHOP.

Right.

She might work at the IHOP.

She might work at the IHOP with all the Chinese and African guys.

I thought the premise of that was there aren't any of those.

I'm saying that

that's the one it does exist, but it's the one you work in.

Yeah.

She probably works there.

No, she has a fancy restaurant uptown.

Yeah, in Harlem, one would assume.

Yeah.

And they started a romantic tryst, and then

the sister, when they're having a date back at the sister's restaurant, asked to have a conversation with Kim Cottrow.

So who, again, looks...

And I will say, they look good.

She's an 11.

SJP's looking pretty good, too.

I think that's a good thing.

I could catch that.

In 2000?

Yeah.

Her titties look pretty big.

Yeah.

You know, I like a nice curly shock of hair.

Yeah.

She was looking, she was looking, she was looking

good.

Some of Jessica Parker, I'd like to park her face right on my fucking.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we get it.

Somebody want to translate that for this Chinese guy?

Anyway, what was I talking about?

No, yeah, so.

I'll do it for you.

Ping pong, Nintendo, tic-tac-toe.

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.

There you go.

Everyone knows your language is in.

They just fucking tic-tac-toe ping-pong.

That's all they're ever saying.

They're talking about games for four-year-olds.

I fucking love stand-up company.

It's an art form.

Yeah.

You just fucking build a house

doing that.

Modern 80s.

Modern days.

Brick by brick.

A nice house.

Oh, yeah.

Damn.

That play.

What is this?

This is sick.

I think screen says.

Iceland.

Shit.

Should I go to Iceland?

I want to go to some shit like with nature.

That's really nice.

Anyway.

So yeah, the sister's like, you can't.

She says, keep your little white pussy away from my brother.

She basically says Kim Cottrell can't

date her brother because she's white.

She's experiencing racism.

They're trying to keep black cock from Kim Cottrell.

And she said, and then she responds by saying, we'll get your big fat.

ass.

Big black ass.

No, big ass.

Big black ass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then they fight.

They fight for me, and then they fight in the club.

Yeah.

Anyway, guys, it's a pretty good episode.

You think black women got fat asses?

Because it's just swollen from sitting around all the time?

Right.

That's a good question.

I'm not working.

Is that what you mean?

All right, all right, all right, all right.

I would say no.

I'd say Chinese, Chinese.

Okay.

Go back to the wheelhouse.

The other thing that dawned on me while watching this episode is that there is that gay character.

Sanford.

And it must.

Yeah.

You know what?

They'll never make a show with him called Sanford's son.

Right.

Unless he adopts one of them from China.

But what if they go shopping for shoes?

Wouldn't that get awkward?

It would get awkward.

You make these.

I love it because

he's like, look, which is fine.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But they make the shoes.

The baby that you brought over from China

might maybe they made the shoes

anyway it must it must suck to be a straight guy in your big breakout role I don't know if Sanford was straight in real life oh was he gay maybe

interesting anyway it's one thing to play a gay guy and you kiss a guy once but if you're on sex of the city you're just every week kissing a different guy

that's got to be tough

yeah Willie Garson.

He just died.

R.I.P.

Willie.

The late Willie Garson.

It'd be funny to find an actor.

I might just go on backstage and be like, hi, I'm a production.

I'm a casting director.

There's a new HBO series.

Oh, no, Stop.

You're right.

He's straight.

Though he is mainly known for having played an openly gay man on Sex of the City, he was heterosexual.

He avoided discussing his sexual orientation publicly, saying for years I didn't talk about it because I found it to be offensive to gay people.

Yeah, just find an actor on backstage and be like, yeah,

I'm casting for an HBO series directed by Martin Scorsese.

And we want you to read for the role.

It's a homosexual robot that can only communicate using the N-word.

You have to say it, and you have to say it gayly.

Yeah.

In a gay robot.

And that's all you can in the script is just the N-word over and over again.

And then the character bends over to get fucked and it's asked.

Well, it's a job.

Yeah.

Yep.

It's a day at the office.

Damn, he had pancreatic cancer.

That's a tough one.

That's sad.

He adopted a kid.

Did he get any pussy?

It said that he was a heterosexual, but he didn't want to say it because he thought it would be.

No, I see that, but they say.

Make you wonder where he adopted the kid from.

China.

I wonder where.

Begs a question.

It really does.

The most fucking pitbull of comedy, man.

Yeah, anyway.

What else was fucking with?

Anyway, that's all I'm saying.

I wouldn't want to kiss guys on camera too much.

Or off, for that matter.

I would do anything for money.

How much money?

Doesn't matter.

$20.

Will you kiss my penis?

$20 is $20, brother.

You don't even have to snug it.

You have to.

A little peck on the penis?

That's just a ton of skin.

Right on the head, though.

Right on the tip, but I got to find it.

And I'm pulling back my foreskin.

Oh, you're going to pull it back for me?

Yeah.

Oh, nice.

See, you get afraid for me.

So, you're going to be a gentleman, you mean?

I think pulling it back is worse, dude.

It's, you know.

You got to pull it up.

Yeah, because the foreskin is skin.

The dickhead is penis material.

No, the foreskin is still penis.

It's made out of penis.

What the fuck are you talking about?

No, this is a good point.

A foreskin is much closer to the skin on your arm or whatever, whereas if I pull it back, the top of my dick, that's only dick.

There's nothing else in the world

on your body.

Whatever you say.

There's skin on the helmet, bro.

The helmet is cock material.

It's a different type than foreskin.

Yeah, penis got a helmet.

That's like a retarded.

That's why, by the way.

Speaking of.

No, hold on.

Hold on.

That's why.

When you got like retarded guys, don't wear the helmets.

You guys call those guys uncut?

Right.

This is like a foreskin.

Right, that's interesting.

Damn, that's killing me.

What is?

Doing the Bobby Slayton force.

It's alright, man.

We're on the bottom.

Maybe we just got COVID the second time.

No, you guys are good.

I would honestly feel bad.

I assumed you can't get it.

I think

the assumption is that the Omicron variant.

I think you can get the Delta.

If you had Delta, but I don't think you have it based on...

Well, it's saying there's Deltacron now.

And Flurona.

Flurona.

Yeah, which sounds like a lady that fucking cleans floors.

Flurona.

Yeah.

She uses fabuloso.

Hot skippy.

Flurona.

Flurona.

Flurona.

I wish I knew more squeeze.

Capacia right now, flurona.

Siesta, ocho.

Anyway.

Nacho libre.

Cockhead and foreskin are two different things.

And that's I rush my case.

All right.

I breast my face.

I breast my face.

Oh, fuck.

What?

Because also, here's the thing.

They tell you that you're more likely to get

AIDS with an uncircumcised dick.

Because foreskin

is the kind of material that's more porous than regular dick skin or some shit like that.

So therefore, they're two different things.

That's another supporting piece of evidence.

Wow.

Thank you.

So if you you had to choose a guy's foreskin or the pulled-back penis to kiss, you would choose his penis?

I wouldn't see, if it's just a peck, I wouldn't see much of a difference, to be honest.

But you have to pick one.

You say it's worth

a helmet?

Okay, how about this?

Shaft or dickhead?

Shaft is better than dickhead.

Thank you.

Foreskin is shaft.

It's basically shaft that's pulled over.

Shaft is better because that's not where the pee-pee come out.

I guess foreskin, then.

I guess you can.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I threw it through your Socratic logic.

I'll just go on the record real quick to say that I would not do any of that for $20.

Yeah, I forgot it was for $20.

Yeah, I wouldn't either.

I'm not gay, but add to me.

Let's just go back.

We've had a couple really good discussions at the end of these two podcasts.

I'm going to kiss it in PS5 secured.

You know what I'm saying?

Damn, I want PS5 so bad, dude.

Just get it.

I can't.

What do you mean, just get it?

Dude, you have to find it for you right now.

I don't, dude.

I'm going to find it for you right now.

I do really like those Christmas Day pranks where parents get a PS5 box.

I hate that.

I think that's cruel.

There was one where a guy

put a Timberland.

He put one Timberland in a PS5 box.

Nah, that's fucked up.

The kids were crying.

You can do it to an adult.

That's funny.

Walmart.com has them?

eBay.

You could get it by Thursday, January 13th.

That's in three days, Nick.

Off what?

Walmart.com.

No, that's like, that's Walmart resellers that just sell like a used console.

What's the best one?

A new one.

One that's not used.

So Best Buy doesn't have any, you're saying?

No, they don't.

Like, this is why I hate any kind of problem you got to solve in life.

You're like, damn, I can't,

I can't, you know,

like this.

I can't even think of an example.

No.

It's like this.

It's like, here's the problem I have.

I can't think of an example.

And then Adam goes, why don't you,

have you tried thinking of an example?

That's what people do.

I don't know.

I'm not following.

I can't buy PlayStation 5 because it's sold out.

And you're like, what about Best Buy?

And it's like, do you think I haven't checked?

It's possible you you haven't.

That's true.

Makes you wonder who makes the PlayStation 5s.

You know what it is.

You know what it is.

It's this damn Biden and this damn fucking supply chain.

Yep.

If Trump was the president...

Makes you wonder who's making the PS5s.

Yep.

They don't have it at Best Buy.

They don't have it on the PlayStation website.

On the PlayStation website, you can register for a chance to buy a PlayStation.

It's crazy.

It's been out for, what, a year and a half?

There's no way Biden doesn't have COVID or hasn't gotten it in the last couple weeks.

No, there is because he doesn't do anything.

He just stays in his Delaware home.

Yeah, but people in Antarctica got this shit.

You did, but you know, Biden's fucking

he probably never leaves anywhere.

They probably got a Biden clone.

He's probably been dead, like the Queen,

for fucking a year now.

He's fucking gay.

I would.

Sometimes I think I don't even have coronavirus.

But the tests keep saying I have it.

And George took the same test.

I got it.

If George got it before you, right?

I got it before my girlfriend, and then she was testing negative for a couple days.

But I've been testing positive.

And then she's tested positive, and then it was like two or three days after she tested positive when she started feeling something.

But that's anecdotal.

I tested positive

on Friday.

Yeah.

And it's Monday.

Yeah.

It's been a while, bro.

Three days.

And I feel a little, you know, fatigued.

We'll see.

I mean, I'm hoping it's nothing.

Maybe the booster, you got the booster also.

But what if the face

in French is je sui fatty gay?

Huh?

Je suis fati gay.

Je s sati fatigu.

Oh, believe me, I know.

I took French in middle school.

Je sui fatigué.

I took French in middle school as a fat child.

I know.

That it's fatigué.

All I remember from French is je sui fati gay and that mon pinois don'st du bouche.

And pinois, I don't even think, is French for penis.

I remember jouet de flute means play the flute, but it means suck cock.

And I also remember crevette means shrimp.

Je ne suit baun cravette.

I'm not a shrimp.

I know, Fredam, you want to do your Bobby Slayton impression to get us off the show?

Yeah, of course.

Go ahead, man.

Play us off as Bobby.

So they

got this Chinese guy, right?

His name is

Xi Jinping.

Okay.

All right.

I'm on board.

Yeah.

What is that?

I saw him and

they said he's the president of China.

I said, what is that?

A retarded guy?

Okay.

Yeah.

And why?

Because his...

Because his eye, what is it?

His eyes are closed or something?

We're not going to tell you.

I wasn't really listening.

Wow.

The entire episode.

Because

you tired or you were John Nick doing.

What is this?

Winnie the Pooh?

No one said Winnie the Pooh.

Do they banned Winnie the Pooh in China?

Because people were comparing Xi Jinping to Pooh.

Did they?

Really?

You know that, dude.

That's why you said that.

I didn't know that.

No, I didn't know they banned Winnie the Pooh.

I just saw memes.

Where it looks awesome.

It looks so good.

No, Winnie the Pooh is so illegal in China.

That's so funny.

Is that Ross?

They really fucking know how to do things over there.

And they got that one lady who does robots and has big tits.

Who?

I don't know.

In China?

Something popped up on the shit.

What do you mean she does robots?

She's like, she makes robots.

She has huge tits.

It's a pretty cool person.

Yeah.

We don't got anybody like that.

Yeah, we don't.

But check out patreon.com slash content

to find out who does do the thing.

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