Ep. 292 – one more year

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Cunt.

Welcome to the Cunt.

The Cunt Show.

Welcome to the Thunder Cunt.

That's a good name.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

We got Hard Dick William.

Mad Dick Willie.

Big Dick Bill.

Mad

Mad.

You've heard of Mad Max Fury Road.

How about Mad Penis

Fury

Road?

Fury Road.

That is also the original Mad Max.

Right.

Mad Penis.

Mad Penis.

Yeah.

There's Thunder.

Thunder Penis.

Thunder Penis.

Or Penis Max.

Penis Max.

Yeah, that's awesome.

We should just do this.

It's Christmas or whatever the fuck day it is right now.

It's Santa Claus Day, as it's known in Canada.

I'll tell you right the fuck now.

Yeah, I think it's

not.

What's Boxing Day?

I think it's the 29th.

Does he put you in boxes?

Yeah.

What's that a holiday for?

Fucking cats?

You get a Canadian guy.

Fucking sick.

They sit around a bunch of Canadians acting like fucking feline.

Humanly feline.

That's right.

This ain't ancient Egyptian.

You're like, oh, is that a cardboard box, eh?

Yeah.

Maybe I'll go in there and piss out of my vagina.

Let steam come out of my vagina so people know who's boxing.

Exactly.

And for Boxing Day, you tape your little penis to the middle of your ball sack.

So it looks like a box.

And you piss down it, down the middle, like it's pussy cheeks.

Yeah.

And I don't know if you know that about Boxing.

Are we recording?

We're recording, yeah.

I don't know if

you've checked in on the show in a couple years.

This is where we're at now.

I don't know what you Chapo fellas are up to.

But Cometown has evolved.

Take it to strange new places.

And then into an anti-Canada.

Check, check, check.

Check, check, check, check, check.

Why can't I hear?

I feel like I sound weird.

Well, you sound good.

Yeah.

You sound hot, dude.

I sound hot.

I'm getting fucking corny.

Check, check.

Ooh, Adam's coming through with the Pironi.

Yeah.

My man's sipping.

Sipping is.

Sorry, I'm a little late on this one, but Mad Max Fury Chode.

Of course, yeah.

Yes, that's what I mean.

A little too smart for it works a little too well.

What do you mean?

What do you want to say?

The rhymes to.

I'm scared.

The rhyme's scaling me.

Yeah.

It's rhymes.

Cheoe chode.

Adam's drinking a stella R-word.

No, Peroni.

Stella R.

Oh, Peroni.

Penis.

Pinoni, Peroni.

Normally, I don't drink imports, you know.

Normally I'm a Made in America kind of guy.

Yeah.

We'll make an exceptional.

Sometimes I make an exception.

You're a macro brew lager.

Adam Perr own

a man's penis because he's ass.

He perr owns it.

He owns it.

Yes, he does.

He peruses the penis aisle.

Perus perroni.

At the grocery store.

Yes, sir.

A trader penis.

Yes.

I thought he prefers a sort of a hoppy eye penis A.

Yes, he does.

Yeah, India penis.

Indian penis ale.

In a major way.

Yeah.

I have a new drink for you.

Hello.

That I've made for myself.

Can I send it to you?

I've made you a new drink.

It's a sweet persuette.

It is a penis ale.

It is my new extra-stout penis ale.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Guinness?

A penis.

Yes, yeah.

That's so true.

Yeah.

Penis style light.

Penis for your health.

And it's a parrot perched on somebody's cock.

It's a little

bit

of parrot perched on somebody's cock.

I would love to have the

main beer of Guyreland.

It is.

Guy.

Because they are on some gay shit over there.

I can't hear you.

In Ireland?

You can't hear yourself?

No,

I sound kind of fuzzy or something.

You sound regular in my headphones.

All right, that's fine.

Hey, who cares?

Who cares?

Get on foot in my camp.

Is this the last episode of the year?

The last part of the year, we're lurching towards the end.

Yeah, I always enjoy to be with the cumboys in the cum house.

Let's come together at the end of the year.

Oh, you got to come to home.

Now it's our

second year of doing this.

And there's no end in sight, Will.

We've decided we're going to just start taking vacations.

Yeah, this podcast recording.

We want 2022 to be the last year.

Yeah, we're done.

We all want to move on to literally nothing.

We just want to get a head start on quitting and slowly losing relevance.

Yeah.

And so we're going to just do a lot of cabins.

We're going to blow all the money on vacations.

I think it'd be really funny if this show is making like just doing dog shit.

That would be so awesome.

Like just fucking

knowing.

People are like, yeah.

You should do.

We stopped doing it.

There's like nine

years ago.

You guys should book passage to like Liverpool in the UK on like the Queen Mary and record a whole bunch of episodes just about the week-long crossing of the Atlantic.

Wow, that's how long it takes.

Yeah.

Ew, dude.

Who the fuck would go by boat?

Hold on.

I mean, it's like super luxurious.

That's actually, yeah, oh, yeah.

It's like it's a coincidence that you mentioned Royal Technology.

I was talking about pirate ships several weeks ago.

You were.

Oh, yeah.

And I said in October or something.

We should have dueling, or whether that was castles.

That was it.

Castles.

But that's like a pirate ship.

It's a pirate ship that doesn't go anywhere.

It's a pirate ship that doesn't go anywhere.

They're both types of Legos.

Yes.

The best kinds of Legos.

Yeah.

I like the spaceship Legos a lot because, you know, it's like sort of a movie.

Bro,

a lot of that shit's translucent.

The little castle, though.

The castle and the pirate ship are fucking awesome.

But am I thinking of Legos or is there like a different type of guy?

Well, yeah.

Where it was like that castle thing, and there's fucking a little bit of a camera.

Well, you could be thinking of Playmobile.

Maybe.

There's a Playmobile castle as well.

The castle was so fucking sick.

Playmobile is gay because you don't make anything.

Okay.

That's true.

They cook castle.

Let me make sure what I'm thinking isn't the Playmobile because I'm about to be pissed off if it is.

Stop.

Playmobile is for mentally retarded.

Playmobile pirate.

That's not just me saying that.

I think that was part of the Playmobile.

It was like Scandinavian.

They're like, oh, it's if you're slower.

It's a slower little boy who needs a...

He can't do the Legos.

No, this isn't it.

Well, maybe it is.

I don't fucking know.

Oh, hell yeah.

No, it's the Playmobile.

Yeah, you were thinking of the game.

And that shit is cool.

It's not.

I'm not a fucking nerd that needs to do homework to have fun.

What do you mean?

Homework is building fun.

Building shit is homework.

It's a type of home

firing your imagination.

It's male.

That's why you have a female mind.

I don't don't know.

Yeah, it's a guy thing.

I'm a man that enjoys pleasure, and I don't want to fucking have to jump through hoops to get to it.

Even as a youth, I knew that.

Nagging at your boyfriend?

No, it's not pleasurable.

If you had said sucking his gorgeous golden brown cock.

Golden brown.

Yeah,

I've been thinking about this.

Lights.

Excuse me.

Lights, Latino.

Here's Stav's.

Who's after Latino?

No, not the girl one.

You know I didn't mean the girl one.

You know I meant the one for guys.

So I just searched Playmobile with the images, and that's what comes up.

No.

First First result.

This is fucked up.

This is me.

This is the media.

That's Stop's phone, too.

It's all these phone calls.

No, it's not.

That's Nick's phone.

Here's you on your little ladder.

I can't see.

Playing with your dolls.

You're not even showing me.

In front of your phone.

No, I like the gray, silver fucking boys one, dude.

And you know what?

I don't even give a fuck because this happens to me all the time.

I am exonerated by history.

No.

No.

By the audience.

Because right now we're in a little closed-loop system, right?

And it's just you motherfuckers and your opinions versus me.

but i got the people behind so you go like you go like running to them you're like they i can't believe what no i'm just saying on a day like math i was the only one who knew what the mean and the average was found the castle the playmobile castle the stop watches oh that does look like it's not that one i already said it's not that one

it's not the one for little girls it's a princess castle it's the one right you can you can braid your hair and put it out the window and wait for a brave knight to climb up and rescue you guys are full of dog shit right now we found the castle you didn't this is my friend

Check this fucking awesome shit out there.

And maybe he puts the Playmobile guy up his ass?

I don't put the Playmobile guy up my ass.

He puts it up his ass.

No, you would stick eight Lego men together by their head to make a human centipede and put that up your ass.

See, that's the kind of geese you can get up to with Legos.

I don't feel the need to play God on such a molecular level.

I like to fucking move the guys around,

fight each other.

I don't have to create them.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

So anyway, I just like to have a good time.

Fight about what?

Who has more boyfriends?

No, that's not

at all.

Who's the most popular girl?

Stav's childhood fancy.

Okay, you just keep picking ones with girls that fade her for girls.

And I'm not even sure it was Playmobile, but I know there was a castle I used to fucking play with that was fucking sick as shit.

Uh-huh.

Maybe it was Playmobile.

Playmobile Girl.

I never had Playmobile.

We're going to search Playmobile Girl.

It'll be Playmobile Pirate.

Hold on.

Stav.

Why didn't you have Legos?

Like every other boy.

I had Legos too, but I...

Oh, look,

look, you're more of Stav's toys.

That's so fucking weird.

We have more of Stav's toys.

No, that's a doll.

Fairyland.

Yerki Feet Luna.

You're honestly misrepresenting me in a major way right now.

Did you play with girls?

Stav got the Greek immigrant American Girl Edition.

Yeah, I did.

It's also kind of a game.

I got the name of the Gandreka.

Stay puffed Marshmallow Man.

Oh, that's cool.

Actually, I did have the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man as a kid.

Thank you.

You had it?

Well, yeah, the toy.

What was it?

Was it it part of the Ghostbusters?

The Ghostbusters action figure figure.

It was like squishy or what?

Yeah, it was like a sort of big.

Yeah, it came with the action figure, but it was a little bit bigger.

It had some squish to it.

That's cool.

I think that's cool, Will.

Thank you.

I do, too.

Now we're going to see.

Maybe my shit was Fisher Price.

Yeah.

Here we go.

I put in gay toys.

And here's some more stuff.

That's not shit that I'm interested in, so I don't know why we're having this discussion.

Gay toys is not a kind of thing I would be interested in.

So you don't want this.

That's you.

That looks good, actually.

What is that?

I think that jacks you off.

I don't know.

You put your cock in it and it jacks you off.

What do it look like?

Auto-blow the top 10 best gay sex toys in 2020.

Why are gay guys?

I don't like this.

That looks like it would pick you up.

Yeah, why are gay guy?

It doesn't seem anything gay about that.

It just seems like a robot.

I would like it to auto-blow it too.

It seems like a robot that will pull your...

Why is that a gay guy?

I love Auto-Blow because it makes it sound like something that Chrysler invented in 1947.

Yeah, I think my shit was Fisher Press.

1947 Imperial.

Robert Autoblow.

Robert McNamara, when he was an executive at Ford, made autoblow.

Three steamer on all American air conditioned.

It was between internal circulation and autoblow.

It sucks your dick.

That'd be so fucking awesome.

Hey, Elon, how about you get on that shit, you fucking piece of shit?

Elon Buss.

He makes cars that suck your dick.

And then I'd be behind him.

Yeah.

But not right now.

He's a fucking bitch, as far as I'm concerned.

Tez slut.

Tez slut.

Tez slut.

But yeah, we're fucking.

We've had the full cabin experience.

My body hurts.

Yeah, I've had too much salt.

I've had...

Yeah, my fart smelled horrible.

Let me ask you something.

Why does your body hurt?

Would you describe me as a smooth operator?

In what instant, in what situation?

Yeah, I guess.

I'm just trying to figure out if that song's about me or not.

It's about you, yeah.

But the Sade song?

Yeah.

Oh, no, that's about my dick.

No, I think it's about me.

I just remembered.

The Sade song is about my dick.

Because you know how I'm uncircumcised?

It's smoother.

And it doesn't go back.

So I have a full smooth cock.

Yeah.

The whole cock is smooth.

It's just a little bit of head at the top.

We said goodbye to Ian today.

I was talking to him outside.

He's like.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

It was a great time.

And people love when I'm on.

Yeah, he was saying that.

He was like, I'm one of the favorites.

Yeah.

Well, I think we told him that.

I know.

Recording.

It's a problem.

It's a mistake.

Yeah, you can't build Ian up too much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I remember thinking, like, he's like Legos himself.

Yeah.

You build him up too much, and then

you have to put him up your ass.

The fans are already aware that I lost the game of Battleship to Ian.

Yeah.

That's pathetic.

We didn't mention that.

We wanted to protect you.

He's got a lot of experience with sailors.

What a fucking boring game.

Can you believe that?

Like, that was entertaining as a kid.

But the fuckers got a lot of stuff.

In the 90s, 80s, 90s, they went crazy with board games.

He said a lot of equipment that went with them.

But the games themselves sucked.

They had sweet commercials, though.

Don't Wake Daddy.

It's just like a

Don't Wake Daddy was cool.

It's like a really longer version of tic-tac-toe.

That's all it is.

And you just go back and forth, and it's just essentially you're just guessing.

Yeah, it sucks.

But they had sweet commercials.

Yeah, the commercials were cool.

It looked like

you were fighting the Battle of Midway or something.

You just sunk in USS Arizona.

The coolest commercial was the Crossfire.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Crossfire.

Don't get caught in the crossfire.

Crossfire.

Oh, shit.

Interracial friends.

I don't know.

I have no idea what the game is.

It's like you shoot ball bearings at each other or something.

You can shoot a gun at your friend.

Crossfire.

No, that song was fucking sick.

Damn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I never played the game before.

Oh, here we go.

Playmobile Special Plus for the extra retarded.

That's not the kind of shit I was into.

It's a whole lot of it.

It's playing the little black horse guard.

I already said

I think I was a Fisher Price kid.

And we're talking when I'm a little bit more.

Is Playmobile made by Fisher Price?

I don't know what the fuck.

I'm not keeping tabs on everything.

But the point is, you can all three switch.

I was under the impression that Playmobile was like Scandinavian.

Oh, so I'm being fucking attacked yet again for being a fucking international guy.

Yeah.

For being the kind of guy that runs.

I'm being cultured.

Yeah, I'm cultured, bro.

What kind of toys were popular in Greece?

Like mud and stuff?

Relax.

Relax South Africa.

Yeah, South Africa is all just wire sculptures of like a guy playing soccer or a motorcycle.

Yeah, that's cool.

I do have some of those wire sculptures.

I know you do.

I got my finger on the pulse, dude.

I had a wire motorcycle that my grandma brought me.

And don't you ever fucking disrespect me and bump me in with Albania.

Oh, yeah.

Because that's the kind of shit.

toys they have.

I already told you motherfuckers, I had the electric shit that got stolen.

Oh, yeah.

I had a better toy than all of you fuckers.

Maybe not Will ever.

You ever have the electric car?

No,

you're a city kid, though.

He has nowhere to park it.

That was a nightmare.

He's hallucinated.

You had a motorized wheelchair.

I was fucking five years old.

I wasn't fat until we've been over this.

I wasn't fat until the opposite.

He was stolen.

He didn't understand that the breathing tube wasn't a straw.

I don't need a breathing tube now.

Why would I have needed one when I was five?

You don't need a breathing tube.

No, I'm breathing right now.

I'm in a room right now, and I can get the breathing machine.

That's at night.

When I drive my fucking car, I'm wide awake.

I don't need a fucking car.

I thought you're supposed to wear your CPAP in the car.

Yeah, when driving, just in case I doze off.

And I was very healthy as a youth.

Thank you very much.

I was a cute little picture of health.

Yeah, every child is.

They're children.

I know.

That's what I'm saying.

Unless they're a sick kid.

Unless they're a sick kid.

Unless they have cancer or something.

Yeah.

And those kids don't count.

They shouldn't make toys for those kids.

Yeah, they don't get toys.

Yeah, they're kind of sour in the mood.

My friend Nate.

Well, they're already meeting, like, you know, musicians and basketball players.

Yeah, my friends.

My friend Natalie.

They're fucking porn stars.

Remember the Bat Kid?

Lisa Ann's tits rubbed in their face?

That'll be awesome.

Make a wish is the coolest thing in the world.

Remember the bat kid?

Remember when that was how things went?

Oh, yeah.

Everyone treated that kid like Batman or something.

I guarantee you, if Bat Kid happened now, people would be like, oh, because he's white.

Yeah.

Maybe.

That's right, Nick.

What do his tweets look like?

Yeah, let's find the Bat Kid

But the bad kid's got it.

He's got a TikTok where he calls the Joker the N-word.

And it's like, he's got to go.

Bad kid, five years later, Miles Scott is cancer-free.

Oh, hell yeah.

Motherfucker.

He's a liar.

He's a liar, is what they're saying.

This is a Ferris Bueller situation.

He got the whole city to throw a parade for him.

Yeah.

My friend Nate

had, when he was a little kid, he had ball cancer.

They chopped his shit off Lance Armstrong.

He had that as a kid.

Yeah.

Wow.

From dosing?

Yeah, he was ripped.

He was ripped as a little fucking chubby Jew, 10-year-old.

But yeah, and he asked for, like, he was like, I want, he was like, do you want to make a way?

Like, what do you want your make-a-wish to be?

And he was like, can I just get like a full recording studio?

And they literally,

they literally, he played guitar.

They gave him a sick new guitar, and they got him like a little recording studio in his parents' basement.

Wow.

Anytime I hear about recording studio, like private recording studio, they think about it.

Do you remember when Gawker profiled that guy on death row

10 years ago?

And he was like, you know,

he's like, I'm a human being.

They like humanized this guy on death row.

And everyone was calling for his case to be looked at again or something.

And then only after.

I wonder where this is going.

Only after they published the thing, the brother of the guy he viciously murdered was like, yeah, yeah, my brother was letting him record music for free in his studio.

And one day he slit my brother's throat.

Jesus Christ.

Stole speakers

out of the recording studio.

You had to be like, wow, maybe some of the people on death row are bad.

You believe in the death penalty?

No, I don't at all.

But you also shouldn't, like, the argument against the death penalty isn't that everyone on death row is innocent.

It's that it's fucking barbaric.

Yes.

Yeah.

But they weren't making that argument.

They were just saying he's a good guy.

Yeah, but even then,

the problem is you run into exactly that trap.

Right.

You shouldn't look at the fucking crimes at all.

You should say, on principle, you shouldn't fucking execute anybody.

Right.

That's true.

Because

there's always going to be an incident.

Somebody will come up with a crime that on an emotional level will justify the death penalty.

For sure.

You just have to just be convicted about it and say no death penalty.

That's

the same.

I agree, dude.

I'm for it.

Let me do it with a gun.

Really?

Let me go to Texas.

Just fucking shoot a bunch of guys that can't read in the head.

Yeah, Texas really shirted.

It's not a

Shoot a bunch of guys that got

Utah.

See, that, see, personally, I'm against the death penalty.

But

I would choose to do that.

If you start any crime, I would want the death penalty

by firing.

I open somebody's mail fucking against the wall.

I would love that.

As long as they still do the cigarette.

Cigarette?

Yeah.

Would you go with a blindfold or just a cigarette?

Blindfold, for sure.

You got to go blindfold.

And you got to go, do it, you motherfuckers.

Do it.

What do you want?

What do you for?

do it take the shot take the shot take the shot

and then they all shoot and they miss or do you just scream i'm gay i'm gay yeah what if you said a really funny joke you know make him crack up

crack up

or like tim allen apparently that's how he

got out all right yeah how he avoided rape in prison is by doing elmer fudd impressions

apparently is the funniest kind that's awesome which i only read on a forum like 50

run with it yeah you know what i read on a forum?

No.

You didn't.

I didn't?

Whatever you're about to say, you didn't.

Well, it's your first.

No, what I read on a forum is that you should buy either dick pills.

Oh, yeah, you're absolutely right.

That's more of a 15 seconds from now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to keep us in line, you know.

And I also read your dick with small, by the way.

The beep of truth.

No, we just had it installed, everyone.

It's different than the N-word beep.

The truth detector.

The beep of truth.

The beep of truth.

Actually, no, we have another 10 minutes.

Really?

This is a very

rare instance in which we only have one friend this week.

The one friend that I read about on a forum.

That's all right.

We got hard dick Williams.

Check this smooth operator out.

Not a hate.

You are smooth.

And I'm a pretty smooth guy myself.

Yeah, you look like a four-year-old girl.

Yeah, I don't

know.

I don't naturally produce chest hair other than a couple strays around me.

Nah, you look like an otter, dude.

What do you mean, an otter?

If I had to fuck a guy, it would look like it would be hairless like you.

Thanks.

Your face is really ruining it for me.

That's why.

Maybe we could cut your head off.

Your body's not bad.

I got a little glimpse of your stomach.

I'm like, okay.

Yeah, I have a tough.

Your face is tough, dude.

It's a little bit of hair that's on your face.

I just some of the things that's really turning me off.

Big time.

If you had a cuter face and you're wearing some eyeliner, if I could change something about my face, like me,

I would say whole

overhaul.

Like what?

I would say soup to nuts, except you keep that bottom lip, you know what I'm saying?

Thanks, dude.

I'll bust on that, but everything else has

fillers on the top just to match up.

Fillers on the top, fillers underneath your eyes for sure.

We've been over this.

Your shit is too soft.

I'm going to look like

glasses on.

This man looks horrible.

Then shave, I would say, cheekbone feminization.

Yeah.

Shave it down a little bit.

More angular face.

Yeah.

I mean, obviously.

Do I have to say it?

What?

The nose?

Nose job, of course.

Without going to the bottom of the grave.

I gave two pussies.

How small should I be?

You know what?

I like a woman with a big nose, but I need it.

Yours is too wide, so I would sharpen it.

Sharpen my nose.

Give it sort of like a Michelle Pfeiffer.

Like the bridge.

I would make the width.

The bridge a little fucking smaller, like a little pointier.

Across?

You're saying?

Yeah, like a little pointier nose.

Not as fat.

The bottom, the bulb?

The The bottom's too bulbous.

The bridge of guys.

Yeah, yeah, Adam Freeland.

That's where he is.

But other than that, man.

He meets with Gary Oldman on a bridge at night.

And we get you on Space Flight.

You've seen that movie?

No, it's Tom Hanks.

Tom Hanks, yeah.

It's a good movie.

Do you guys agree with what I said about Adam's face?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we've got to get you on E for sure.

On E?

Extra Space.

Entertainers.

I would love to be on the channel E.

No.

Yeah.

Just doing the celebrity news.

Yeah.

And color contacts.

Yeah.

Color contacts?

Dude, I have green eyes.

They remind me of you too much.

Oh, okay.

So when I'm face fucking yours.

So what do you want?

Like I don't want to glimpse.

I don't want to glimpse into the old.

West Borland from Limp Biscuit, like black eyes.

Yeah.

Just full of black eyes.

Black eyes.

You're my little fuck robot.

My fuck little my little they them fuck otter that I just absolutely fuck your mouth to smithereens.

To smithereens.

Yeah.

Fucked asunder.

To get my mouth fucked to smithereens.

Oh my.

That's what you get for taking your hoodie off.

You looked hot, dude.

It's not my fault.

I'm just saying.

We've been in the cabin.

You've been in the cabin.

You know what I'm saying?

It's funny because when you started, I said, How long would you have to be in jail before you fucked the guy?

Yeah, it's been a while.

And you said, I don't know.

It's been a while.

It would have to be a while.

It's like, you've been in the cabin long enough that, like,

I was like, normally one of those guys, when you were in the middle of the day,

it was being around Ian for four hours.

It's true.

Uh, you're one of those guys, like,

Adam's in the lifeboat, and he starts looking like a big turkey leg or a big hamburger, but he's looking like a little like cat girl to you.

He's got a lot of stuff.

Blackout contacts.

Blackout contacts.

Titan's in a maid uniform.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

He's trying to get his Twitch channel off the ground.

He's sitting in a fucking

in an inflatable pool and it's in his fucking den.

Twitch streaming.

Yeah.

Talking about socialism.

yeah hell yeah well you should you should turn into like an aesthetic twitch streamer

like hasan yeah well your own thing i'll have to go sign up at the cia first right that's true like he's an asset just like hasan did speaking of assets how good was the we just ran through the born trilogy yeah it was a real

stav and i save and i watched all three of the me adam and

nick was in the mix for the first one and a half weren't you yeah i watched the first one in its entirety.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then they were really good movies.

Went for dinner.

Came back with a ribeye.

Ribeye for the house.

Thank you, my friend.

Some more truffle fries.

Yeah, my stomach feels horrific.

I've been shitting.

In a mean case.

Some horrendous stuff.

I want to kill myself.

Yeah.

Stop.

You're coming an asset, though?

I'm becoming an asset.

You're going to be Project

Black Briar.

I'm Black Briar, dude.

I didn't see, by the way, I didn't see a single plus-size asset.

No.

The born family of Phil Philosophy is on by this.

Lizzo is here.

I think so.

And Lil Nasaks for sure.

He is for sure, yeah.

He is part of the conspiracy to make all black gay gay gay gay gay green Jewish mafia.

Make all black men gay.

And we, unfortunately, guys, we wanted to watch

that that the Jews are created.

Of course.

Who else?

To emasculate.

I watched a really, really good documentary in high school.

One of my friends sent me a

Facebook video where it made, and now look, it didn't outright accuse anyone of anything, but it made some interesting connection to missing black children and Jewish people that own McDonald's.

What they said.

But when you mean like the Jewish people that own McDonald's, you mean like a franchise?

It's not Ray Krog we're talking about here.

We're just, look, a lot of missing black children, and then a lot of really cheap McNuggets.

I'm blaming on the fucking Irish with that clown.

That's right.

That's right.

Show the name.

So just think twice: when you have a McChicken,

you don't know

who's serving it.

Well, what that is, is a human meat.

Oh, that's

the theory of the connection.

Oh, I thought it was that they were attracting kids with their good prices.

They were snatching up black children, grinding them down into pink children.

So it was kind of a blood live thing.

Exactly.

Yeah.

The documentary is called The Dollar Menu.

Yeah,

my friend, I don't want to say his name, but he has some interesting, he has some interesting Nubian philosophies.

I love that shit, dude.

He's the best.

Yeah, because it's real creativity.

Yeah.

It's pure art.

He also, he was really...

He was really skinny, and

he had a girlfriend who, number one, he would just walk around showing people him getting his dick sucked.

But then he had to go for the...

Was that one of his other documentaries?

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah.

Yeah,

the truth.

Check out this documentary.

The truth about have I gotten my dick sucked or not.

He claimed to, and his girlfriend,

she corroborated this, that he would do the scarecrow, one of his favorite sex moves.

Because he was about, he was a very

drug her.

No, no, he was.

He was put a trap

on his head.

She was very sturdy.

She was a very sturdy gal.

She was solid.

She was very solid.

Certainly, you could say that.

And he was about literally 110 pounds.

Nice.

And he would get on her shoulders and fuck her mouth.

Like we would be sitting from the front.

From the front.

Oh, that's

like put his hand in.

The HR Geiger.

And they would just scare her.

That is so romantic.

I can't think of something more romantic.

We already did that, though.

The gay face hugger in Alien, which is a paralyzed.

This is a real, yeah, that's great.

I'm reporting.

This is what he's doing.

I'm a documentary of his high school.

I'm doing a

reportage on the sex lives of the students at Baltimore Polytechnic.

You're blowing the whistle.

Around circa 2008.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

You're putting yourself at risk.

I'm sorry, 2006.

Yeah, they're going to kill you, dude.

I don't give a fuck, dude.

Yeah, but he's a journalist.

Call me Julian from motherfucking Assange, dude.

About to get pussy from Pamela Anderson.

Stops living in the Ecuadorian

embassy because he said something he went to high school with did the dirty Sanchez.

The Scarecrow, thank you very much.

But no one ever did the Dirty Sanchez.

That's one of of those fake ones for somebody.

Oh, but whereas the Scarecrow is.

The Scarecrow, I believe.

What was he holding on to?

How was he getting

a tremendous amount of balance?

I think pull-up bar.

He did a lot of pull-ups.

He was holding on to a pull-up.

He's holding on to a pull-up bar.

Yeah, I would assume so.

I believe this guy, okay?

Believe men.

And

I believe my friend, I won't say his name.

who claimed to do the scarecrow.

He was a wild boy.

It was from growing up?

I met him from high school.

From high school.

This is also the friend that thinks that McDonald's is abducting black children and turning them into McDougall.

Well, he just pointed, he just

remember when they said it wasn't.

He just all white meat?

They never told you what they were switching from.

That's true.

That's true.

I'm just saying, you're supposed to be.

I seem to remember a rumor that Arizona iced tea was meant to sterilize black people.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

I think it just is doing true.

It's delicious.

I love that shit.

I mean, they were like 99 cents and they were like more sugar than you could possibly

consume it.

Oh, dude.

One of those and Andy Cap's hot fries.

A couple fucking shark shark gummies.

You ever fuck with those?

No.

You're good.

The fucking grocery store, the corner store around me would just like get just break open family value packs and just sell those.

Oh, see.

You know what I'm saying?

Nice.

Yeah.

Loose.

Lucy.

You sell looseies of gummies for sure.

You would just get like a loosey fruit snack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was awesome.

Here,

there's 10 cents.

Can I have a gummy bear?

The guy got choked out by the NYPD for doing that?

Yeah, he did.

For selling those?

I do think that place was a crack front.

Really?

Albodegas are.

Yeah, yeah.

Especially in Baltimore.

But anyway, fuck, my head is killing me, dude.

Is it?

I've had the right amount of sodium this week.

Yeah.

I'll tell you that much.

I'm glad the eating is over.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We got three more days, but I'm going to take it easy.

I can't do that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe we go to the goat farm tomorrow?

Goat farm?

I mean, if you guys want to get it.

Before you drive back?

Yeah.

Can you touch the goats?

I think sometimes they get close enough you can pat them on the head, but they are behind a semi-electrified fence.

But there's a lot of semi-coming.

Well, I mean, you can, well, it's electrified.

It won't kill you, but it'll give you a little bit of a semi-jolt.

There's something for everybody.

You got goats for Adam to have sex with,

goats for Stav to eat.

I would love to grill up a goat.

You guys ever had a goat?

Yeah, it's.

You got it.

You got to cook it slow and low.

You know, it's a bit, it can be very tough.

I don't like goats.

You know what makes it easier to fuck with a goat is kratom from

forgetsuperleaf.com.

I heard that.

Kratom is a

stimulant

narcotic plant from the Arabian Peninsula.

Southeast Asia.

In the Arabian Peninsula,

which is technically Southeast Asia, depending on where you start measuring.

Some people say, yeah.

I count it.

If I go Asia and then I go southeast,

sort of, you got to put a little English in there.

You can get there.

If you go to the furthest east part, or you go furthest west,

western part of Asia,

and then you go southeast from there,

you're in the Arabian Peninsula.

Nice.

That's a cool name.

The Arabian Peninsula.

It's got penis, it's got Arab in there.

Arabic is in there.

Arab strong.

Yeah.

That's a great word.

Those are two of my favorite words.

Arab money.

Which you can get at

getsuperleaf.com.

So the URL is.

Brought to you by Adam.

And Adam, why don't you go ahead and tell the folks at home a little bit about this awesome product?

Kratom is a leaf.

It's a gift from Jaw that gives your whole body energy.

But for some people, it's like coffee for

G.

N-word.

Mm-hmm.

G.

Yep.

But for some people, it's like.

Yes, sir.

It's like coffee.

How's that for a fucking joke?

That's pretty good.

Has anyone ever thought of that?

That's really good.

That's the stuff you got to tune in for.

But for some people, it's like coffee for your cock or vagina.

Really?

That's what it says.

It's like pouring boiling hot coffee all over your cock or person.

Okay.

It feels as good as pouring a pot of coffee right on your cock.

Your coffee is really good.

These guys write some really good coffee.

Hey, hey, hey, we wrote.

This ring just for me.

They specifically asked me not to make fun of the coffee.

Aging millennial?

New aches and pains?

I mean, fuck.

Geriatric millennial.

That's what they call them.

It seems like they're jumping the gun on geriatric.

I think so.

Do you remember when AOL would send you like CD-ROMs in the mail?

Do you remember dial-up internet?

Oh, yeah.

Chances are your dick and back don't work out.

That's right, and they don't.

Try this Indonesian dirt.

So here's the thing, folks.

Indonesia to suck my dick.

Kratom is a secret.

It's a secret supplement that influencers don't want to use it.

It's a big secret.

And why are they all hoarding it for themselves?

Sounds like some other people that hoard other things for themselves.

Influencers are hoarding all the Kratom.

Yep.

All right.

Anyway, it's a great pre-workout supplement.

It helps you write jokes.

It's a super leaf.

It's a cousin of coffee.

I don't call it COVID.

I call it influenza.

A coffee in comparison to this crap is just brown water.

That's fucking cool, dude.

It comes in a tea, a powder, and capsules that you could put anywhere.

And they have another thing, right?

You can put them in your pocket, your backpack, and your suitcase.

Let's take our street ass time.

They're great for on the go.

What about your Kulo?

You could put them right up your Kulo Dulo

Miami

Blizzard.

I love Stories.

I don't know.

Have you heard the story that Scott Storage kids?

We were talking about Make-A-Wish Kids.

The one who had a.

Well, it actually wasn't the Make-A-Wish Kid.

It was the recording studio?

He was a Make-A-Wish Kid.

Okay, yeah.

If I was a Make-A-Wish Kid, my wish would be to to make a beat with Scott Storage.

Yes, me too.

My wish would be to fly into Miami, have him pick me up on a yacht.

Apparently, he used to go to TGI Fridays on his yacht.

That's so sick.

It would be his primary mode of locomotion.

That's so sick.

Yeah, go on the lot, make a beat with him, and then do a Miami blizzard, which is a thing where he used to line up 10 porn stars in a row

and have them expose their genitalia and anuses.

Okay.

And then blow cocaine or ecstasy.

It sounds like TMI Fridays.

Yeah.

Did you say TGI Fridays?

I think I said TGI Fridays.

I was barely paying attention.

Wait, what happens at this?

At the end of this?

He said there was an incredibly famous female singer on his boat once.

And she said, he said, do you want to do Coke?

And she says, I don't do it in my nose.

I do it in my Culo.

Awesome.

And so then him and his boys started doing this thing called the Miami Blizzard, where they would blow drugs into

a woman's message.

The Miami Blizzard is where it's nine guys.

They hold one guy down and they all come in his ass.

No, I think it's more.

I think it's more than a moment.

They hand him back to his husband.

They turn him upside down and the cum stays in the ass.

No, I think it was a straighter.

To show.

To show.

No, that's the Miami Snow Globe where they shake him up after the cum rattles around.

Dairy Queen Blizzard.

That's a Dairy Queen Blizzard.

Stop knows what I'm talking about.

I got you, brother.

I'm here for you.

Yeah, I used to get when I worked at Dairy Queen, I would get yelled at for not turning the Blizzard upside down by customers.

It is cool that.

What do you want?

I'm on OxyCon.

I want to.

And they turn it upside down.

I would have been

the spoon as in it.

I'm like, excuse me.

I believe there's a final part to the there's a fat guy yelled at me because we used to have like dollar cone day on Monday.

It's a fucking dollar for a shitty sausage or ice cream cone.

And the guy was like, can I get the dollar cone?

And I gave it to him.

And he's like staring at me for a second.

He's like, you know, I really don't have to patronize this business.

And it wouldn't kill you to say, like, please or thank you.

You really do.

You're buying ice cream for a dollar.

You're a dollar.

You definitely do need to patronize this business.

For some dumbass teenager, this place is owned by weird Chinese guys.

You can't complain to them.

Yeah.

Those are the guys that would say your name with an A at the end of the day.

They would.

They would say my name.

They'd be like, oh, Nico, you you late for work.

And I was like, what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's funny.

What did you call me?

Excuse me.

Yeah.

It just cultural differences often cause hilarious

mix-ups.

But you can find out more about it.

But you can find out more at getsuperleaf.com slash come town.

Listen, everyone's got residual COVID blues, and Super Speciosa can pull you out of your rut.

And it says, give us an example.

Well, do we have any examples of being pulled out of a rut?

Yeah, I was in a pretty bad mood, and I did a bunch of blow, which is life Kratom.

Yeah, I guess so.

And then I felt okay for maybe an hour or two.

Yeah, yeah.

That's happened to me.

Then I felt pretty bad, and guess what I needed to go to sleep?

Kratom.

Kratom.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Anyway, super special.

Kratom helps you live with yourself.

The Kratom is...

At least it'll help you get through a couple of hours.

Yeah.

We can't make any long-term promises.

And then you go back and revisit the demons and then take more Kratom.

But here's the folk.

I mean,

if it's the drug of choice of people that are either sold into gender-bending sex slavery or forced to kickbox for a living,

then it's got to be good enough for you.

Absolutely.

Some fucking loser that lives with their parents worse.

It's not getting pussy at all.

Here's the thing.

Your life is somehow not as bad as theirs, even though you tried.

Right.

You tried.

A guy whose hands are permanently fisted from being forced into combat sports, age three.

If that's what he chooses,

then I guarantee you, and it can help you deal with the pain of not having more than 50 Twitch streamers.

Try having the aches and pains when you've had baseball bats broken over your shins for a week straight.

So here's the deal, guys.

Super Speciosa wants you to come again with unlimited use of their 20% off promo code.

The promo code is Cometown.

So you go to superleaf.com/slash Cometown for 20% off your entire order.

That's get superleaf.com/slash slash come town, promo code ComeTown for 20% off.

That's fucking sick.

And look, I just wanted to make you be aware.

Even though you're on Patreon.com.

Patreon.com slash...

If you're dissatisfied with the quality of the show,

the bonuses are really you can at least get to the last.

The last couple of bonuses we've done are tremendous, people are saying.

Critics are saying that they're critically acclaimed.

Critics are not saying that.

But they are sucking myself.

The critics are not saying that.

Sign up at your own risk.

We've submitted a lot of the most recent Patreon episodes to festivals.

The Peabody Awards.

We got a Cannes and we got a MacArthur G.

We're actually in the latest vulture roundup of podcasts you have to listen to.

It's us two raped girls.

Yep.

Fat Hour.

Which I'm also on, by the way.

That's my spin-off.

I was getting a lot of burn these days.

Africans watching Seinfeld.

That is crazy.

Because I didn't know.

Why would George do this?

I would love to do that.

Why the hell?

George, he comes in, he fucking complains.

He complains about his life.

And then it is up to Kerma to come in very excited and restore the energy of Jerry's apartment.

That's true.

I would love that.

That's hilarious.

I would fuck Elaine.

I would have sex with her.

To be honest with you, Elaine could get it.

I want to say real fast, folks, please come see me, do stand-up comedy.

The Prince of Pleasure tour, the pleasure continues in 2022.

We're coming to San Diego.

We're coming to fucking Vancouver.

We're coming to Austin.

Dallas.

And before, just so that

also, we're still talking about Super Leaf.

We're still, yeah, we're taking a little break together.

We're taking a break, I know, but just in case someone's listening, because I'm not going to do it.

Oh, yeah.

There's another thing we have to say.

Well, let me just, real quick, also just say, you know, like I said, Vancouver, fucking San Diego, Austin, Chicago, Dallas.

Where the fuck else am I going?

San Francisco, Sacramento.

Look up.

Stopvi.bizlash tour.

I don't know exactly the exact dates, but it's coming, baby.

So I'd love to see their San Francisco.

I think I said that.

And the Oscar Meyer penis mobile.

I will be taking the Oscar Meyer penis mobile across the country.

I want one of those so bad.

You can make it happen, bro.

When this becomes a vacation podcast, we've got to get one.

We got to rent one.

Last year we did the cabin, and while we were there, and these motherfuckers, they told me not to do it because I would have done it.

I found a John Madden bus for sale in Yonkers.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

And I was going to continue to $5,000.

$5,000 for a John Madden bus.

For the same type of bus.

Okay,

so not as fully decked out with his, like, you know, turkey deep flow.

But I could do all that.

You're like when the Simpsons rebuilt fucking Flanders' house on the inside.

Just sparks and tiny rooms.

That was a, yeah.

We were looking into for a while getting a space in a lot that had an electric hookup.

The weird market so that we could exclusively record the podcast inside of a bus.

And then when we wanted to go on the road, we'd take and then we'd then we kind of like, yeah, we'd register

video too.

That'd be fun.

Yeah, spend a week out in Marfa.

Do the next nine years of this show.

In Marfa, Texas.

Marfa.

Yeah, all right.

How about you barfa all over my dick and balls?

Because you're deep through.

I would barf all over your dick and balls because it'd be so disgusting to me.

DietSmoke.com is yeah you want want to also go to dietsmoke.com.

They smell, they sell, they sell basically marijuana.

Look for hosts, feel free to riff the introduction.

The message we're trying to convey is that sometimes you can't or don't always want to get super high.

Diet Smoke delivers a balanced medium high.

Oh, it's Mids.

This is Mids.

I've been saying this for a while.

Yeah.

Oh, that's very exciting.

Time to smoke Mids again.

I would love.

Mids are back in a big way.

You can't find Mids.

Our product is a highly functional THC that comes in a form of a delicious gummy.

So these are gummies.

these are gummy.

You don't have to smoke it out of a Coke can anymore.

Yeah.

No, baby.

You don't have to make an apple.

You don't have to do shit.

So get that diet smoke and get that super specific.

What exactly is Delta 8?

Delta 8 is simply a slightly less.

It's like a cold shower.

Less potent.

I think I've eaten too much.

Dude, you got to get a cold shower.

I love it.

I'm going to have a cold shower right now.

I think you're going to have like a, like, where are you feeling it?

Your chest?

Yeah, probably.

Just kind of indigestion.

Your ass.

My ass.

My ass is bubbling up.

No, I need to.

I'm getting the meat sweats.

Because here's the thing.

I wasn't going to have any more food today, and then they, we come back.

My beautiful friend Nicholas comes back with a ribeye.

I never know what's enabling and what is.

Nah, dude, you're all good this week.

That's fine, dude.

This is a week of pure debauchery.

I saw that ribeye, and I said, there's only one guy in the world I'd get a ribeye for.

That's right now.

You know, this is kind of like a band, you know.

We're like going to record the album.

We are.

We're going to record.

You hear stories about the recording.

Like the exile on Main Street.

It went to the south of France.

They went to the south of France because they were in trouble for tax stuff.

What do you think of this, Will?

We were thinking maybe in New York we started getting like luxury suites and awesome hotels.

Yeah.

And just recording like 12 episodes in a day.

Like a place where just getting fucked up.

A place where like Weinstein would meet.

And friends just come in and out, record an hour.

What we really need is to take over the hosting duties for Wheel of Fortune.

Yeah, absolutely.

Because I said we've got to do it Wheel of Fortune style, but what I want is just it, because you know how that guy does it.

Do Pat Sajak?

Pat Sajak, they do all of Wheel of Fortune for the entire year.

Oh, like in a very short amount of time.

Yeah, right.

Six weeks.

Wow.

And then he fucks off.

I would suck cock for that schedule.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then he just goes back to Twitter and

we call it Wheel Time with Bill Maher.

That's an awesome reason name.

Yeah, Bill Maher's Van Derwaite.

That'd be bad.

You can see his tits a little bit.

No, but,

okay, what were we talking about?

I forgot.

Anyway, so

the Born movies.

Oh, really good shit.

Really good shit.

Oh, yeah, Nick, you weren't here yesterday, but

no, when Ian was asking us to watch this Michael Brown documentary, it was awesome.

He was like, yeah, guys, it's really interesting.

Yeah, it's a really sad story.

He's like, no, he's like, it's really interesting.

Like, it was made by all of you.

DietSmoke.com promote.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we don't have to.

We don't have to get into it.

Oh, that's cool.

Whatever that sound is.

What the fuck?

That's awesome

that's fucking sick

what is that i don't know

but i like it dude there's a fucking ghost in this house there is there is a ghost in this house i wasn't i wasn't on board but you know when i saw the flag taken down and rolled up outside the house and there's a weird knock on the door six hours lights outside

Maybe it was one of the cows from across the street.

That's probably what it was.

That was just me coming by to see what you guys are up to.

It was methane from the cows.

I'm scared.

Let's see.

You guys are watching all the boring movies.

Why are you scared of ghosts?

I'm scared of the ghost.

I'm going to get to the bottom of that.

I don't know.

It might do something malicious towards me.

Why would the woman be malicious?

I don't know.

Kill me.

Why would it do me?

Do me bodily harm.

Do ghosts kill people ever?

Even in a harm?

They sort of scare them.

I don't like being scared.

It represents sort of a reflection of trauma and representation.

They do like a...

like a gaslighting.

They drive you nuts.

They make you kill yourself, basically.

It's like having a boyfriend, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't even get any cock.

You guys are watching the Born movies today.

I tried to entreat you to come over to my house.

I'm sorry.

Well,

I unloaded half a cord of firewood and then moved them again because I put them in a place my mom was like, no,

you put them in the wrong place.

So I took them to move them all again.

Wow.

It's a good workout, though.

You made dinner for your mom.

I made dinner for my mom and I helped her with storm windows as well.

I don't know if this comes out of of chat, but Will is the best cook I know.

He's just

out of the five people I know.

Yeah.

He got busy with a little.

And here's the thing: I told you this off, Mike, but when I meet your mother, I want to be in a nice sweater.

I want to be feeling good.

You know what I mean?

You don't want to be the kind of guy where Stav's been in latex body paint the entire life.

Yeah, I mean, you have met her one time before, but you were in sort of like a track suit,

but it wasn't a hat.

You know what I'm saying?

A real sit-down formal affair.

I want to have a, I want to, you know.

I want to be a good guest.

You need to seek permission to court, you know, exactly proper channels.

And we've talked about this.

Worst case scenario, I'd be your stepdad.

Well, like I said, like it's

sort of a best case scenario.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been raised.

I'm financially independent.

It's not like you could tell me to do anything.

Well, I would discipline you.

Yeah.

I would discipline you for that.

But I'm very good.

I'm a very good son.

You are a good parent.

I would spank you.

Is that a promise?

Is that a threat or a promise?

Yeah.

And I watched a bunch of Star Trek The The Next Generation.

Hell yeah.

Which episode?

Okay, so we got the one where Barclay is afraid of Adam's ass where the walls were blown out.

I had a reference to you guys, one of them.

I get it.

Yeah, no, I don't think that's an episode.

Adam's ass where the walls were blown out.

But it's nice that Star Wars came up.

A baby Star Trek Trek.

His stop, his ass open.

Yeah, stab his ass open.

Adam's ass where the walls were blown out.

It was the one where.

What does it mean?

One where Barclay is afraid of being teleported, and there are like worms in the transporter buffer.

And then there's one where Deanna Troy, it's like she, there's some diplomat that she's into, and then like he mind fucks her and makes her into an old woman or something.

Whoa, that's fucked up.

You can't fucking wrinkle.

It's the best.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It gives you

that warm feeling whenever I put it on.

For anyone that's confused.

Because you're drunk.

Because you're drunk out of your mind.

I would never adulterate the Star Trek experience with alcohol.

I love even just the set design.

Except only with Kratom or Delta A.

Oh, we're Delta.

You know, they got in Star Trek, they have the Kardasians, right?

Yeah, the Kardashians.

And I don't know if you heard this, but

it's late December, but recent news is that Pete Davison is now dating Kim Kardasian.

Now they're engaged.

By this point, they'll be engaged.

They're probably engaged at this point.

Cardassians are only on Deep Space Nine, though, right?

They're referenced on Next Generation or seen maybe once or twice.

They don't become a big part of the big part of you.

Is there a new Star Trek?

Yeah,

well, there's a couple new Star Trek

card in Star Trek to see if it's a bad thing.

I didn't watch a single episode of the Scott Backula one.

No, me neither.

I've never seen Enterprise.

Yeah.

Enterprise.

It's rental cars?

Enterprise.

Star Trek

is the latest

Deep Space.

Wow.

Deep Space Nine.

Why would they name it that?

Deep Space.

Star Trek.

Why would they name it?

That's such a fucked up name.

And who can forget Star

the

Generation?

I don't know about all those names.

How about Deep

Yeah, that's good.

When he said it Deep Space Nine, it's

I love this.

The Beep is great.

And it's nice that it works as the Beep of Truth as well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which it did earlier in this episode.

I just have very simple things in life.

Yeah.

One of them being this button.

Can I test the beep of truth?

Yeah, yeah.

Stav played with dolls as a child.

Looks like it needs to be calibrated.

Yeah, it's new.

It's fucked up technology.

And actually, I'm actually reading the manual.

It can only be truthful once per episode.

So it already used it up once with Nick.

That doesn't prove anything.

It does prove it.

No, that just means only with the first time.

I'm reading the manual.

I'm reading the manual.

It's only truthful the first time once per episode.

Stav knows how to read.

I have a question.

Well, it's off the Fritz.

Now you have to pick which one is true.

I said it was the first one.

No.

I said it was the first one.

You don't know how to read.

I have a question.

This might be.

I don't know.

No, hold on.

I got him there.

That's checkmate.

You don't have me in shit.

I read the manual.

I can tell you.

I said so.

Only the first one.

And then it's a very good thing.

Only the first one in the beep of truth per episode is guaranteed to be right.

So you don't know how to read.

Only the the first one is guaranteed to be right.

Some of the other ones might be right.

No, you don't know how to read.

I do know how to read.

I'm the one with the main.

You can ban him from Chapo.

If you wish, dude.

This is the kind of behavior.

You have him on.

Everybody loves him, but he's just abusing us with lies.

I'm doing logic.

That's the thing.

You let me go on Chapo.

Now I learned to bait active.

If you're going to have him on,

you're going to have him on your show.

You should know that he's toxic.

Yeah, he is toxic.

He's a toxic.

I go on Chapo and I learn stuff, and I come back here he's feeding you guys with logic and facts, like Ben Shapiro.

Ston is a freaking boomer.

What is Ben Shapiro doing now?

He hasn't had a controversy in a while.

He's getting ahead.

He's fucking his sister.

See, he's doing the scarecrow.

I would love to fuck his sister.

I bet you he.

I've been doing the scarecrow to my sister.

He's turning me straight.

His sister is married to like

one of the gayest, clearly gay Jewish men.

One of the gayest men I've ever seen in my life.

I want to save Abby.

I want to be like, listen, I'm a slightly less gay Jewish man.

I told you, I dated a girl that had a deaf sister that was married to a gay guy, so she couldn't hear his voice.

The perfect guy.

That shit, it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.

Wow.

He's like, that's great strategy.

He's a fucking genius.

The perfect beard.

He's a genius.

And everyone's signing, like, he sounds gay.

He sounds gay as shit.

He sounds, I love this.

This is gay.

Yeah, yeah.

You guys can guess what it was.

But yeah.

I remember it was like a YouTube video.

It was like Abby and her husband review movies from

their little family den.

And the movie they were reviewing was Jackie Brown.

Nice movie.

I love that movie.

I want to guess whether they gave it a positive or negative review.

And like, yeah, her husband was just like, he was just like, I didn't get it.

It was wayer.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

He wasn't even

attracted to Max Cherry.

He was hot in that.

You saw that Ben Shapiro tweet where he said it was unprompted.

He said Boy Meets World was his favorite show.

That was awesome.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

That is awesome.

I wonder why.

Once again, history bends to our will.

That's right.

He got molested.

You got molested by Mr.

Fiend.

Did you know this?

Wait, no, what?

We uncovered that.

We broke the story up as well.

And Ben Shapiro is a young boy.

He would do the homework from Boy Meets World that was assigned on the show.

Because he wanted to meet Mr.

Fiend.

And he would send it into the show and uh they thought he was such a super fan he went in and he was raped by mr feeny yeah everyone

allegedly well yeah allegedly but allegedly you know yeah let's just say it's just 100

allegedly but you know allegedly

we have it on good authority yeah a source close to the principles yeah mr shapiro that's pretty good pretty good way to put it yeah see you got me watching born you got me fucking going on Chapo.

I'm too smart for you two motherfuckers.

That's why I love all this anti-vaccine stuff because

they concentrate on that too much.

It's about the CIA.

It's one of the smartest movies.

You see

the different types of plans that people have.

Dude, how sick.

And how Jason is one step apart.

How sick would it be to have

a little box that you could open up that's just got $50,000 in it and like

six passports.

Oh, yeah.

A gun, a handgun with a silence.

That sounds like the coolest thing.

just like at like random at random bank, like a fucking

safety deposit box is all over the world.

That's what Jason Post should have, is those like Instagram services for men that have like a little jigger and like a

thing.

Every month you get like six different passports and some stolen hearts.

Yeah.

A fucking thumb drive with like crypto on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

An ounce of cocaine.

Yeah, that would be fucking sick.

And a list of names.

It sucks.

And a red pen.

You could just never be Jason.

You can't even be a homicide detective, which I think everybody kind of wants to do that for a week.

Yeah.

We should abolish the police.

It's a shitty job.

Yeah, I'm sure.

But for a week, what if you're Haronic Bosch?

Oh, my God.

If you were Harry Bosch,

you know what I mean?

But

not everyone has the ability to put justice first above.

I mean, for victims that have been forgotten about by the police.

I might have to watch Bosch.

It's so difficult.

I would have to start my day off watching television again.

I love Bosch.

Getting angry.

I used to start your day off by watching The View.

I did.

So sick.

Yeah, I used to watch The View.

That's awesome.

Nick used to start the day off like my grandma used to keep you in shape.

Yeah, Wendy Williams.

I've never watched a full episode.

Wendy Williams is great.

Yeah.

She's just a piece of shit.

Wasn't that thing where

she announced to her audience that one of her Instagram haters just died?

Yeah.

Yeah, I would think it was.

The best part about Wendy Williams is she had a stroke live on TV.

And she kept going.

For anybody else, that would be like a a come to Jesus, you know, moment.

She would like to change her ways and stop being a bitch.

And I don't know.

Yeah, the next day she's shitting on, you know, she's like, Kriana looks fucking fat, doesn't she?

If Stav had a stroke on the show, we'd just like the next day just do the show again.

That would make the show better.

Do you understand any sign to get out?

I'm taking.

If I have a stroke, if anything bad even sort of happens, I'm out.

A ghost haunts me.

Oh, the ghost, guys.

After that ghost scared me so much, I had to quit the show.

Yeah.

Stroke, I'm gone for sure.

What's open door policy?

When you're on disability, come on, Choppa.

Our listeners fucking love you, man.

They'll love you even more when your voice is sort of funny.

Exactly.

When I got my...

Yeah, I'll be talking about it.

When you sound like the guy from The Simpsons.

No, you're going to sound like The Shadow Julia Chai.

Wait, which guy from The Simpsons?

Yeah, that guy in The Simpsons.

Oh, he's the guy, he is.

I had a stroke.

I had a stroke.

Can I see your pussy, please?

I started doing Keeping Up Appearances again.

It's the best show of all time.

Yeah, it really is.

It was like my family show.

We'd watch it together.

Well, are you appearances build?

You should watch it afterwards.

You got to come over.

I get the whole thing on DVD.

I have it because I share an Amazon with my dad.

He's on my Amazon.

He was watching someone to

a thing called Brit Box for him.

Oh, yeah, it's a Britcom, right?

What is that?

It's a British Syncom.

Hyacinth Bucket is

a television character in the tier of Archie Bonnie.

Costanza.

Oh, wow, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she's like one of the, yeah.

One of the, yeah, some of the best TV shows.

She's just a delusional psycho.

She's amazing.

Patricia Rutledge is hyacinth, but

I don't recognize her.

This woman from like, she, she's from, like, a working-class family, and her whole life is devoted to like putting on airs and graces.

Yeah.

I gotcha.

Her last name is Bucket, and she, like, open, she picks up the phone like the book.

Yeah, she's just a house.

She's just a bitch.

She's just like a bitch to everybody.

Yeah.

She's got white trash

brother-in-law she hates.

Yeah, she's always berating her husband for

stretching his legs too far.

Yeah, she's just fully abusive.

A real battleaxe.

Fully abusive to her husband.

Yeah.

But it's really well done.

Yeah, it's from the era of

Faulty Towers.

Faulty Towers is one of my favorite shows out there.

It's better than Faulty Towers.

Keeping Up Appearances used to come on before Faulty Towers.

And as a kid, I would watch Keeping Up Appearances.

Is Faulty Towers the one in like a mall?

Yeah, it's a good idea.

No, no, no.

No, no.

Faulty Towers is just a bed and breakfast.

It's a hotel.

Are you being served?

Are you being served?

That one is the one.

I used to fuck with that.

Faulty Towers.

Faulty Towers is a John Cleese, and it's like, you know, made like two series, only about 12 episodes.

Yeah, it's pretty funny.

It was one of my favorite shows.

I don't think I've ever actually seen that.

He runs the world's shittiest bed and breaks.

Yeah, he runs the world's shittiest hotel, and there are all these doddering British people.

It's just like he's a constant,

he owns the hotel, and it's just like he's a constant war with his guests.

Who are just like winding him up, or he's winding them up, and like he just hates everyone in his business.

You know what I kind of want to do?

I want to have a show that's about producing and doing the world's shittiest podcast.

Yeah.

And we quit this, and then we do that.

Yeah, we do that.

We just have a show.

We play all the characters.

Yeah, exactly.

That would actually be a lot of fun.

This show has kind of been like a springtime for Hitler, kind of.

Oh, it's 100% the producers.

John Hitler.

Yeah.

You're having me on, you know.

So

sure to tank some spew subscriptions.

I've got wonderful news.

What's that?

Where's your...

I'll tell you right now.

Oh, okay.

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