Ep. 290 – guile kittenhouse

This is Bethany Frankl from Just Be with Bethany Frankl.

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Yeah, he never came on the show, though.

We'll just get him on.

He called once.

No, he didn't.

Yeah, he called me once.

He called you?

Remember, we were doing the show.

He called me.

I don't think so.

And Nick was like, just fucking hang up.

I don't remember that.

You were like, just fucking heck up.

We're not talking to this guy.

I don't remember.

Oh, yeah.

Psycho.

Psycho

Savage Joe.

Savage Joe.

Yeah, he had a Colorado area code, if I remember correctly.

My favorite video of his of all time.

One of the most powerful displays I've seen in my life.

He's like, okay, this is really fucking interesting, and

I'm like 5'1 or whatever.

He's like, I'm not fucking 5'1.

And then he gets on like a scale with the measuring thing with shoes on.

He measures himself, and he's 5'6.

he's like five fucking six bitch oh nice dude

yeah savage psycho yeah yeah yeah savage psycho joe

yeah see

after the gym and all the training spent a few hours with them around the city

yeah that's when he when he goes to his clients Oh, his personal training club?

It was just like one of the just in the same.

Oh, yeah, that was his whole thing.

He'd talk about how he's a trainer and that he had hot women as his clients.

Yeah,

this is awesome, dude.

Yeah, he just finds pictures of dude.

Look at that.

Yeah, he finds pictures of it.

Just one of the worst Photoshops I've ever seen.

No, this is real.

She's next to him.

They're in a room filled with fire.

The part I can make her smile ear to ear all day long, even after a killer session.

It's the real thing.

You're a lucky guy, man.

This guy fucks.

She only dates guys that bench six plates.

Anyway.

So yeah, I agree with you, though, man.

We got to get the whole fucking team back.

I haven't checked in on him in a while.

Yeah, I

nearly forgot about him completely.

Mm-hmm.

Should we see if they need to message me by?

Maybe.

Maybe we should.

Maybe we shouldn't.

The one thing's for sure, it's December.

It's Wednesday.

It's a Wednesday in December.

And we're all having a great day.

Yeah, we're having a great day.

We're having a really awesome fucking day.

We're live.

We're fucking live.

And our bodies have been ravaged by three days of cabin living.

No, we've been here for a month.

Yeah, we've been here for a month.

This is taking all of it.

Each episode

we do three days.

We do one episode every three days.

Yeah, we have to write.

We have to script it out.

We have to write.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We should get a whack pack, dude.

We should.

This show should become fun for us again.

Exactly.

Instead of spitefully making it bad for the audience.

Yeah.

We should find a way of making it bad.

The audience who loves the show.

No, the ideal is the show becomes horrible for the audience.

Everyone's fun.

We're having a great time.

But it becomes fun for us again.

That would be awesome.

And Donald Trump is king.

We are given some title of nobility.

Of course.

We get to be the lords of the mid-Atlantic.

Look, everybody hates capitalism.

Get rid of it.

Feudalism?

Yeah, basically.

Okay.

People have to pledge feudalism.

We're landed.

Yeah.

As long as we're landed, we're landed, we got a castle somewhere,

you know, that'd be awesome.

I go, I'm coming around, I'm doing Prima Noctis, you know what I'm saying?

We have three castles, pussy from everybody's wife.

We all have our own castles, for sure.

Nick's castle always has ghosts and lightning over there, dark, and bats, yeah, Bowser vibe.

Yeah, that would be awesome.

No, mine is awesome.

It's always sunshine, it's always raining just above Nick's castle.

Mine's rainbows,

yeah.

Mine's the other one, it's all rainbows.

It's happy, and

Adam says Bank of America.

And Adam's in the middle, and he's the money changer.

Yeah.

I'm like green gods.

Yeah.

Hell yeah, dude.

That would be fucking sweet.

My castle is underground.

I would love to have my maidens over there, you know, with their big titties out milking cows.

Oh, my God.

They got those frilly white dresses.

You know, the ones that kind of came back in style almost, I feel like.

Yeah.

I feel like girls were wearing maiden shit.

Mentally ill girls were doing that.

They were wearing maiden shit like a year ago, maybe even right now, even.

It's kind of become a borderline personality disorder.

I feel bad for that.

I don't get slurped off that.

I thought having borderline personality disorder was cool.

Yeah.

And went to a therapist and got diagnosed with it.

Yeah.

And now they just have that for.

For the rest of their lives.

Yeah.

Good job.

Ooh, text from Elders.

What's the deal with the kitchen pots and pans over there?

Should I cook a big chili and cornbread tomorrow night?

We're talking about pork shoulder, though.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, right.

He's eating some kind of.

I think he's eating clean.

He's on a dark.

He's eating clean chili and cornbread.

Well, it's vegan.

It's vegan.

It's vegan.

What I mean is he's eating.

Dude, he was fucking vegan.

Hey, fuck you.

Don't say that about my pal.

Who's that, Dr.

Atkins?

I'm eating clean.

I can only have Slim Jims and licorice.

Dude, it's so funny.

I'm thinking about a hard dick pork shoulder, but I forgot.

Your dick is small

and you're eating vegan.

This is the texting segment.

Yeah.

I gotta text Vinny.

The fucking texting segment.

His profile name is Disney Vinny Beetle.

Hilarious still beetle.

And it's still milking the

October 17th.

He posted this.

October 17th.

Wait, hold on.

Where is that from?

Did he Photoshop himself into a different picture?

No, no, no.

He photoshopped himself into a picture of.

Yeah, he's not in that picture.

No, he's not.

He's not in any picture.

Yeah, there's a picture of us with Vinny.

Yeah, no, he took a different picture.

He took a different one.

Oh, yeah.

It's been two years, but cum rums thicker than blood.

Miss the boys.

Has that comes?

His profile picture is just scumtown podcast.

His display name is Disney Vinny Beetle.

Maybe we should call him.

Yeah.

We have the wire.

A lot of people, you know, to be honest with me, like just the idea of having people on, it's like

you kind of, it's like, you don't want to sign people up for

just all the attention, but he really can handle it.

No, Vinny wants it.

He begs for it.

Yeah, then fuck it.

Vinny.

Yeah, have Vinnie back on.

Yeah, tell him to get here.

Call him, Adam.

Tell him to fucking get on.

I'm going to call him right now.

Call him the fucking tell him.

No, actually, I don't want him here.

I don't want him in our house.

He would ruin the fucking vibe.

Yeah, he'd steal all the pots and pans.

We'd owe so much money to Airbnb.

Are you calling him?

Yeah.

All right.

You want to get the wire?

I'm calling him on

Instagram.

Oh, so we'll get to see him.

Where's the wire?

It's in the this guy.

The box.

It's probably in the James Bond gun case.

Yeah, dude, the Pelican.

Well, I just broke it.

I wonder if I was phone number.

I don't think I do.

Where the fuck does this plug in?

Oh, right here.

I see.

Seven eighths.

If you're listening at home, Vinny Beetle is a guy that

we're calling.

Yep.

If you want, you can figure out which...

He was on an episode, I think, patreon.com slash slash come town.

Yep, he's on one of the premium episodes.

There's over 300 episodes if you'd started listening to the show in the last seven months and you're like wow, this is real dog shit.

I'm gonna stop listening to it.

Mm-hmm.

Might I suggest becoming angry?

Yeah, because you're

sending angry sending angry emails all the time, but also going to patreon.com.

That's right.

Slash come town, checking out a two-year backlog from when and within there, I would say there's probably maybe seven episodes that are good.

There's probably seven.

No, no, no,

There's a lot.

What do you think?

13?

Out of the nearly, what is it, 250?

500.

I just remember we used to schedule a break halfway through, and I would produce a little, I would get

a little sound club, something fun.

Yeah, the first 30 episodes,

we had theme music.

There's a production.

I literally wrote an app to replace you, Frog.

Yeah, that was fun.

Yeah.

That was more than 30 episodes in, though.

We were in it for a little bit.

That's the only episode I listened to.

I was listening to half of that because it was fun.

Because people were like, this is hilarious.

Yeah.

And it was pretty funny.

Not even getting close to doing it.

I can barely hold the mic towards my face.

Yep.

That would be cool, though, man.

If you guys could just phase me out with the stop bot full-time.

Yeah.

Bring it back.

If there's a way to fully automate the show.

There's got to be a way.

There's got to be a way.

We can just do this with.

Yeah.

How the fuck can't Alexa just do this?

Yeah.

You know?

Just upload our consciousnesses into the fucking cloud.

Yeah.

And have them crank out podcasts.

We get, you know we give we kick up a little bit to whoever does that 100%

you got the radar if you want by the way what's that did I plug it in the right place yeah that's where that goes

very nice very cool but yeah we watched um Christmas movie Hocus Pocus last night

that was awesome oh the last action hero yeah we watched that that movie rules I would love to fuck Veronica Vaughan

Oh my god.

You know what I'm saying?

You know who did?

Pete Sampras.

Mark Sampras.

No, he didn't.

Yeah, I heard Mark Dorman did fuck her.

That would be so jealous if Mark fucked her.

She's really hot.

So hot.

Want to touch the hiney.

What are your guys' favorite

Christmas time treats?

Oh, Christmas time is coming up.

Are you jealous of Christmas?

No, I celebrate it now.

Maybe this is the...

You know what we we should do is turn this into a game show.

That would be awesome.

Get people on and then they win prizes and stuff.

Yeah, that would be so awesome.

Because Trebek, like, used to.

Come on, they guess Stav's weight, but we got a trick scale.

Mm-hmm.

110 pounds.

He's a twink.

I am, dude.

You know what would be fun is to have

have two scales and we bring women on and we see how much they weigh compared to stav.

But stav's is calibrated so that it comes comes up lower.

And the woman's, we add like 25 pounds.

That would be good.

That would be good.

Adding 25 pounds to a woman is like, they would kill themselves.

They would kill themselves.

That's so much weight for a little ass woman.

They all weigh like 100 pounds.

It always fucking freaked me out.

I was like, what?

That's all women weigh?

That's three.

It's weird.

I'm three of that.

Not quite three, but thank you, Adam.

3.5.

No.

I'm not 350.

Pi.

Stav's weight is pi.

3.14.

Yeah.

It's not.

3141592615.

Stav Weight is pie, which is 3.14 women.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I'd like to s s get sucked off by 3.14 women.

That'd be what I'm saying.

Three women and then like a fucked up.

Three 14-year-olds.

No.

That's not what I said.

It was going to be a ho in the spirit of Halloween.

Three women and then 1.14 of like a weird fucked up puddle of body parts.

That's one of those

spooky.

Those like those gay holidays, like

May 4th.

Arbor Day.

That's like Workers or something.

That's like the Star Wars.

That's Star Wars.

May 1st.

May Day.

May Day, you fucking idiot.

Yeah, May 1st.

Wow.

Champagne socialist over here.

Whatever, dude.

I don't have to answer for anything.

I've been on Chapo.

Fucking Proto-Maya.

Are they still doing Chapo, Trap House?

Do they get out of this yet?

Yeah, but they pivoted.

What are they doing now?

They're doing a game show.

Oh, if they are doing a game show, I'd be pissed off.

No, they're doing.

Coming up, we have a woman who we're going to weigh on a scale and see what her weight is.

I don't know if that's one of them anymore.

It's the only one who I can do.

Coming up.

Coming up, she's looks like she's 175 pounds.

Oh, fuck.

What's he up up to?

I think he started a tutoring service.

Did he?

An elementary school tutoring service.

Oh, okay.

Online.

I see where you're going with that.

Because he's fucking Chinese.

Yeah.

He's running.

Real mature.

Yeah, let's say that's what I'm going.

What is tutoring?

Oh, it's very funny.

Virgil is working with children

because he's Chinese.

Real mature.

Very mature.

Oh, yeah.

Kumon or whatever the fuck it's called.

Where the kid is sad?

The logo is a sad kid because he's dumb.

Because he's stupid.

Also, because he got coomed on.

He got coomed on.

I always thought that was such a funny name.

It is.

It's Kumon.

I never understood what those places were as a kid.

I'm like, what the fuck is this extra homework for?

What the fuck is going to be?

Can you imagine if your parents did that?

I would go home, I would immediately piss in the circuit break.

You did that shit to me.

He put me in extra homework classes.

He's gone feral.

Yeah, there was no way you were getting tutoring.

Yeah.

They were lucky to get you to school.

You'd bite your mom.

I remember my mom for extra money would tutor retarded kids when I was a kid.

That's awesome.

And it was like, that's a scam.

Yeah, it's a perfect scam.

No one can tell if I'm doing a good job.

I'm going to cure your son.

Yeah, dude.

That's awesome.

We're making a lot of progress.

We're making a lot of progress, but they're just going on shark tank.

It's like, it's school, but for retarded people.

And they're like, I'm listening.

And it's like, you charge a bunch of money.

No one can tell.

Yeah, you never, it's an endless, you know, it's like gyms that are designed so people sign up and never use them.

Planet Fitness.

Planet, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It's the $5 mall.

Planet Genius.

It's a subscription school for retarded people.

Yeah.

It's just like a retarded kid like riding a rocket, like,

tongue out.

The goofy face, the goofy emoji.

Yeah.

You know, we're like, they got a little no-judgment zone.

Yeah.

You know, we have like testimonials from just regular people that claim they used to be original.

Yeah, when I went in there, I could not eat.

I did not know what numbers were.

Tom Hanks, star of Forest Gum.

Planet Genius changed my life.

I don't know what he sounds like.

I like when he

does.

He sets the stage.

I'm Chinese.

That's really smart of your mom to do that.

Adam, did they ever send you to tutoring?

No.

No?

They were too bright.

No, they were too cheap.

Yeah.

My friends went to tutoring.

I was like, what?

Fucking George.

It's never anyone who's poor, though.

There's never poor kids in tutoring.

You got to hope the teacher takes pity on you and teaches you stuff.

Also, all the

rich kids.

I just don't understand what is

time on the SAT.

What is tutoring, though?

What do you mean, what is it?

It's just they just.

Like, if you got hard homework and you didn't know how the fuck you didn't you weren't understanding so then what does the tutor do they just explain it to you yeah they give you extra teaching they just re-teach it to you oh okay yeah i used to tutor fuck it i used to do i used to be a writing tutor yeah and it was just like yeah you would just fucking sit there and be like okay what's the assignment and what do you think about it and i just walk them through like yeah to have an intro conclusion exactly three bullet points exactly i'm like this is a bit what are some of the big ideas in this paragraph yeah and then we'd we'd sort of reverse outline it according to what they had.

And then we're like, you see how this is all jumbled and fucking stupid?

Mm-hmm.

Why don't you fucking unjumble it, you fucking idiot?

And then if I was too bored, I would just be like, I'll just fucking do this real fast for the kid.

I remember this guy, these two guys I was friends.

If he wasn't getting it, I'd be like, fuck it.

These two guys I was friends with when I started doing comedy.

One of them I was good friends with and then he went insane.

And then the other guy was

kind of like this weird, kind of new agey guy.

And that's a different guy.

It's not like a Tyler Durden and you situation.

No, it's not.

Yeah, you're like, that's a good idea.

No, it was a different guy.

You started putting on chain mail.

Yeah.

No, he went nuts.

But then the other guy who's a kind of new agey and weird, who ended up

leveling out.

Yeah.

I think we're like neighbors or something.

Really?

I would say he lives in bedstyle.

I see him around occasionally.

But he,

yeah, he,

that guy, the guy who's now cool, I remember he was like, he fucking had these like videotapes he bought of from some like Canadian guy that like showed you how to like finger.

Like we watched it was a part where we were high.

You were high.

But he took it seriously.

He was like, it was like this video of this like just hippie woman on a table and this guy named like fucking Claude or some shit like massaging this woman and then like fucking he's like you gotta make a woman relax or whatever and he's like get under the rib cage and like you know it's like just bullshit.

It's not even like good at massage.

Of course.

And then 30 minutes in he's just like violently fingering her

she's like squirting all over the place and he's like you know for more classes from the holistic wellness

fingering sound so it's like in the middle of like stretches and like yeah that kind of shit but then he was like he was like yeah no this is my friend you know this is my friend's tape or whatever and then the other guy who went and saying who i was like you know better friends with they both like drove the montreal together you know because he's like yeah we're we're gonna go up to Montreal and stay with my friend or whatever and to hang out just finger yeah they were like yeah we're gonna take a trip to Montreal together and we can stay with my friend and then when they get to Montreal the guy the first finger popping guy finger popping guy explains that he's not he's not his friend per se he like paid for like a forum and he was just a customer wasn't friends with him never met him before

just showed up in Montreal and then to stay with him yeah and then they just like they had to sleep on the floor I guess like the guy leaving let them in his his house i guess yeah i mean this go going back i just remember the other friend like bitching about he's like yeah we get there and he doesn't even know this guy

so the guy he claimed to be friends with the guy that was fingering a woman on camera yeah yeah the finger like

that was his job he bought he basically bought a video of this guy finger blasting a woman yeah yeah and he told your friend not only am i friends with him we can stay we can go to montreal and stay with him i have friends that i wouldn't let stay in my fucking apartment yeah like that's crazy that's and let alone they just bring another guy yeah

That's awesome.

But that video was so funny because it's like, this is like, it's such a shameless thing to make.

It's absolute pornography.

It's just like pretending it's not pornography.

Pretending it's not pornography, but then being like, I'm really good at fingering.

I'm teaching classes on finger popping.

I'm going to sell this video.

This is educational.

So he bought that.

I'm pretty sure he bought it.

Yeah.

Respect.

Or it came with the forum subscription.

Is there some other stuff that you think people should buy that isn't videos of people finger popping?

Like perhaps

a couple different things.

We won't say which one.

What time is it?

It's 20 minutes in.

Exactly.

Yes.

And what does it say there on the thing where it says episode?

290.

Mac Weldon underwear.

Oh my god.

So if you're getting your pussy blasted by a fucking guy on

the most important thing with Mac Weldon is they most likely have some kind of holiday.

It's the holidays.

There's a holiday either flash sale or some kind of thing.

I did not get an email from them explaining what it is.

But rest assured, I guarantee you, they got some kind of fucking holiday deal for you.

It's Christmas is coming up.

By the way, Mac Weldon is an underwear company.

Underwear and basics.

That's the thing.

You know, now open, they got the gift shop, folks.

So take the guesswork out of the holidays with gifts for everyone on your list.

Then treat yourself with the time to spare.

Wow.

So you can go up there and you can say, I got a fucking,

let's go through the gift shop right now.

Exit through the gift shop.

You know what I'm saying?

Backsee.

Thank you.

They have a gift thing under 50 bucks.

And they got in here a silver swipe glove where you can fucking use your phone.

You could jack off with gloves on and still operate your phone.

They got the tech boot sock that goes all the way up your fucking boots and keeps you warm.

It's tech.

They got the silver boxer brief and the covert belt.

A nice fucking belt that really makes you look fucking sexy.

And then you want to fucking go up to $100?

You get the ace full zip hooded sweatshirt.

The ace sweatpants.

You basically get a fucking nice little,

you know, fucking combo.

You get the fucking slipper.

You get the warm-knit flannel.

And these, by the way, they're not a pack.

I think these are all just one thing.

But the point is...

It's in a section and it lets you know the gift shop.

Okay.

And so you're going to want to check that

Brexit through the gift shop special.

You get Union Jack underwear.

Yeah.

And the Queen of England's face in a gas mask is over your copper.

And you eat potatoes, then you put those in between two slices of white bread and you pour gravy on it.

Yeah.

And you call that, that's a fucking full English, full English lunch.

That's full English.

The Sherlock Holmes.

That's right.

And I just, I don't know about you folks, but you boys, I love Mac Weldon.

Yeah, you know, you're cradling Mike Cock right now as

no shit Sherlock.

No shit Sherlock.

Mac Weldon is the official underwear of the show, The Nanny.

That's right.

Mr.

Sheffield.

Mr.

Sheffield wears it in every single episode.

Sorry, never mind.

I forgot.

In my mind, Sherlock and Mr.

Sheffield.

Because it was part of the same riff in the car.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I forgot they were two different names.

So anyway, it's not my brain brain is always compressing everything.

I'm always confusing Mr.

Sheffield from the nanny and Sherlock Holmes.

Well, yeah, Watson also.

And Watson.

Oh, nanny, friend.

I'm gay.

I have a

magnifying glass looking at her pussy.

Yeah.

Elementary, nice pussy, you bitch.

She looks like an elementary school student's pussy.

Thank you.

I know.

Here's the deal before we.

Oh my god, it tied away.

The daily wear system is a selection of clothes rooted in smart design oh i love it and then the daily the daily wear is a game adam plays where he has to find his dick and he has to find his dick he's just searching through sometimes with yeah with that little lice comb that they use and sometimes it's in a man's ass yeah yeah the daily wear top topping they call adam's dick walled though yep

because you can't find it yeah

the daily wear system is a selection of clothes i mean i guess you can but it takes a while

And that happens every day.

Adam's dick is usually bruised and damaged because it's too soft to handle a woman's vagina.

Yep, that's true.

The woman's vagina beats up his dick.

Even beat that penis up.

Yeah, that's what girls say when they fuck Adam.

I'll beat that penis up.

His dick's all bruised.

But one nice thing is...

One nice thing is Mac welding underwear makes your cock feel awesome even when it's been beat up and bruised by pussy.

Yeah.

Which is a thing that does happen to most guys.

It happens to most guys.

It's not that weird.

Orange.

Embarrassing.

And what's the promo code?

Don't take that part.

Basically, here's the deal, guys.

You're busy guys.

You're busy guys.

But part of being a busy guy is like, you know, Steve Jobs used to wear the same clothes every day because he was so busy.

He was preach on it, brother.

Speak on it.

He was so busy, he wanted to talk to him.

He wanted less choices in his day.

Yes, sir.

So he he had to make so many choice.

You eliminate one choice right at the start of your fucking day.

And one of those other choices was taking your cancer medication.

That's right.

He said I'd rather eat berries and fucking he eliminated the mangoes.

That shit rules.

Yeah.

Well, what if I just tried dragon fruits?

Smoothies.

Yeah.

Anyway, so

you're a busy guy.

Most people that listen to the show make over

$250,000.

Very busy.

I wish I had more of this underwear.

We're telling you how to do it right now.

So because you're so busy, you've got to stop thinking about what you wear and just embrace the radically efficient Mac Weldon daily wear system.

You need to do it.

So here's what you do.

You go into your closet, you throw out all of your clothes.

All the bullshit you got in there right now.

Burn.

You buy

anything.

You buy.

There's a selection of clothes rooted in smart design and made with performance fabrics and built, most importantly, to work together.

That's one of the hugest, most important elements.

So in choosing your clothes, everything's going to go together.

So, you don't actually have to make the tanks feel together and feel together and be breathable and breathe together.

Yeah.

And breathe together.

They still got those sweatpants?

They got the Ace sweatpants.

They got the

sweat shorts.

They got the silver nips.

They also have the deuce sweatpants.

They have the radius shorts.

You can shit right in them.

You can shit directly.

They're kind of like thinks for men.

And they're antimicrobial.

Is that what Thanks are?

You wear the women's shit in?

Period in them.

Yeah.

Remember free bleeding?

Yep.

There had to have been one moment that was like i'm going to try piss also yeah as long as we're as long as we're letting it fly as long as we got the faucet squeaking yeah yeah yeah absolutely let's go ahead and touch all the knobs

that's fucking

yeah

so anyway here's here's the

important part that is truly disgusting when because that was the same era where they're complaining about men having their knees too fine wide apart on the train yep meanwhile you're having a period on

in front of a child Did that happen that much?

Wasn't it like four weeks?

Yes,

it was happening constantly.

It was happening all the time.

Yeah.

It was during the Jezebel years.

That's all I like to refer to them.

I think, anyways.

That was when people were making yogurt in their pussy, also.

Remember that?

Pretty much every woman.

Was that four or five years ago?

No, it was longer than that.

2012, 13.

Okay.

Yeah.

I guess maybe I was still in Baltimore.

It hadn't gotten to us yet.

Anyway, here's the deal, guys.

Oh, fuck.

I almost unplugged it.

Here's the deal.

For 20% off your first order,

for 20% off your first order, you visit MacWeldon.com slash Cometown20 and you enter in the promo code Cometown20.

That's Macweldon.com slash Cometown20 promo code Cometown20 for 20% off Mac Weldon.

Wow.

Radically efficient wardrobe.

Efficient wardrobe and let's not forget their Christmas

shopping.

And

the gift shop.

The gifts.

Don't forget to mention.

Don't forget that.

I have already forgotten it myself.

And that's why you're a fucking idiot.

And let me just say another thing you guys shouldn't forget is that the Prince of Pleasure tour continues.

The pleasure continues, folks.

And I don't exactly know what my dates will be right now, but San Diego.

I'm coming to the West Coast, San Diego, Las Vegas,

San Francisco.

I'm coming to Austin.

I'm coming to Dallas, Vancouver, Chicago.

San Francisco.

San Francisco.

I'm having delicious, buttery little fucking cookies.

Yeah, and you're sliding it around all over.

I'm sliding all over the place.

Or some of the other towns.

I think I'm also going to be in Brooklyn.

I'm going to be doing Pantheon on the 15th.

Maybe that's today.

Could be.

Feels like it's

a Plantheon.

So get tickets for that.

Pancake.

Pancake Theon.

Pancake Theon.

Yep.

And

yeah, that's fucking it.

I don't fucking know.

Stavi.biz slash tour.

I am hitting the road, though, so you know, things are up in the air right now a little bit, but I'm coming to the cities I just said.

So check my website for the exact dates for that.

Adam's on the road also.

Yeah, but I also got a hot date with San Diego.

Did I say that already?

I forgot.

Hot date with La Destiny.

Yeah.

La Destiny.

Yeah, I'm going to.

We've had a relationship on AOL Instant Messenger for a while.

I'm going out to.

Have you seen a picture of her?

Your girlfriend from Canada.

Yeah, I saw a couple

pics.

And you guys, I'm sure, of FaceTime.

Yeah.

The weird thing was that

she had the Getty images watermark because she's famous on

her pictures.

I don't think she's talking to Christina Million.

No.

I think I'm talking to Laverne Cox.

Which,

well, he probably doesn't want to mention.

Yeah, yeah.

We won't say it, but you can probably

figure out who might be.

Oh, yeah.

But we won't say it.

I figured.

You can think about it for one second.

His raj now is so funny.

He's like, yeah, well, I just.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He's like, I didn't want it to fuck up her career, which is like very sweet.

Yeah.

But also, it's like, just that in his mind, he'd be like, listen, you got to get kicked off the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We found out who you fucked.

Anyway, so yeah.

So, fucking underwear, man.

Let's just keep doing the read for it until the next read.

You're speaking my language.

Why don't we get four reads in an episode and then we go?

Honestly, you know what?

I might do that.

The final year.

A read every 15 minutes.

A read every 15 minutes.

That's what people want.

They love hearing about it.

They love about hearing about these people.

We kind of tell them about products.

And that's mostly what the show is.

And what's nice about knowing that they love it is it makes me feel in touch with the audience because that's really who we do this for.

We do it for them.

We do it for you guys.

Because knowing that when you, if you can brighten someone's day with laughter, yeah, dude, that's why I do this.

With the gift of laughter.

Well, this thing shit is.

It makes all the bullshit.

It makes all the bullshit of life.

Your boss is on your ass.

All the fucking pain.

All your bills are.

All the crap.

All the crap is just getting.

It reminds you that it's just, you know, we're in this together.

All we have is each other, and let's share a laugh, and let's grab

and share a laugh.

And that's why, come to see me on tour.

Stavi.biz slash tour.

Don't come up after the show.

Don't say hi to me.

I'm not a special moment.

Unless you're buying merch.

In which case Tim Dylan was telling me about cash.

Tim Dylan was telling me about a comic that is one of those guys though.

Yeah, yeah.

I says no, not on my fucking jacket, you bitch.

I'm dead.

I see.

Let me go get my jacket.

Excuse me?

What was that fucking tone at her?

What?

Just get your jacket?

What do you mean?

Don't fucking tell me to fucking just get my jacket.

So she doesn't speak English.

I don't know.

Don't fucking tell me to just get it.

My credit card fell out.

My money and my credit card fell out.

Thank you, though, Nick.

Can you grab those two things?

Oh, Joe Biden shit at his pants.

What the fuck is this?

Why don't you have a Ridge wallet?

Excuse me?

Let's wait until the fucking read, and then we can discuss it.

You don't have that.

I'm sitting on 25 wallets.

Fucking alligator clothes.

I know I like it.

It's just

going to be poor forever.

In my mind.

Honestly, one of the funniest things I ever saw was being drunk as shit and then asking Chris Hudson for money for more beer after doing the show.

He pulls his wallet out and it's like a regular wallet and the money is just shoved it like it's crumpled up.

Yeah.

It's under his flat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's good shit.

Apparently, the rumor is in Rome.

This is from the October meeting between the...

Right, which people are still buzzing about to this day.

The Pope and Biden.

People have been talking about it for two months.

Was that a month and a half?

Was that our president pooped his pants while meeting the public?

That's fucking awesome, dude.

That is so fucking sick.

He can hardly talk.

He's shitting himself.

I would love that more than anything after like four years of being like, Trump wears diapers.

It's like, no, he has a big, beautiful ass.

Yep.

Yeah, he's got a big old dumper.

Yeah.

What does he have?

Apple bottom

diapers?

Yeah, he does.

Yeah, he was our.

That's clearly not a diaper.

It's a fat big pussy.

It's made by baby fat.

Kamora Lee Simmons makes the diapers for Trump.

There's a video the way he would stand when they would show you a picture of him at the podium.

You'd see him in front of like to face.

Yeah.

And then he would just

he would have his just act.

It's crazy, dude.

Something's so fucked up with his lower back.

He just can't.

I can't wait to have that.

To be sitting like that?

Yeah, does he look like a centaur?

Yeah, that must feel so good to stretch it.

Oh, my dick just got hard thinking of stretching my back out.

So apparently there was supposed to be

a live broadcast of their meeting that was canceled abruptly because it smelled like shit.

And I believe

he shit so much that it fucked up the wires that

he crept in the Pope's camping chair

in Vatican City.

So, I mean,

you know, doesn't mean he's a bad guy.

Doesn't.

Nick, you were saying you knew some guy that was a

do-it-for-the-for

do-it-for-the happiness.

Chris DeStefano on Twitter.

Biden just shit his pants.

So maybe it did happen.

No, this is Chris DiStefano just making a joke from months ago.

Oh,

so maybe it didn't happen.

So who fucking gives a fuck, actually?

No, I need to get to the bottom of this.

Fuck Joe Biden, Kathy Griffin.

Maybe she Kathy Griffin died.

R.I.P.

R.I.P.

to a fucking...

Honestly, the outpouring of love from the stand-up comedy community will be the same as when Norm McDonald died.

Yeah.

When Kathy Griffin dies.

Yeah.

Goddamn, dude.

Fuck, dude.

Wait, no, hold on.

So what's the story?

Where did he crowd?

He shit in the Pope's hat?

Apparently, he was visiting the Pope,

and there's some, I I mean this isn't very good

evidence that they're uh putting forward but apparently he had very stiff posture.

Breaking news, Joe Biden shit himself today in Rome while meeting with the Pope, and this is not satire.

New York Times.

This is yeah, this is coming from AP directly.

A pussy.

Yeah, while it's being rumored that Joe's age is to blame for the incident,

people close to Joe says it say it was a shart.

It's New York Times.

Just a shart.

The man is innocent.

That's how they picked the new Pope.

Yeah.

The president of the United States goes to Rome and shits himself

when his finger lands.

The cardinals take turns pulling his finger.

Yeah.

And he shit.

Whoever shits, whoever makes him shark.

I'll tell you something.

This is a mess that Gen Zaki won't want to do.

do this here we go

very nicely done adam thanks bro that's really good right there and that's where we transition to a morning show uh again i've said before a lot of people have different styles of going to the bathroom and We can discuss that at a different date.

But right now, what's important is remembering that

we're on a track to use bathrooms in a more responsible manner, a more adult manner.

And he had a Yoohoo in in his pocket.

Yeah.

And that's what, that is what actually burst.

Also, fuck you.

And can I just say fuck you?

And fuck those little gay ass motherfucking Mexican children on the border.

Yeah.

I don't give a fuck.

Yeah.

It's actually good that children are being executed on the border because

of climate change.

Well, because the gay ones get their own little bathroom.

Yeah.

We're giving out rainbow hands.

Oh, damn.

You think if I dicked her down, she'd start telling the truth?

Yeah.

Jensaki?

Maybe I can cure her.

Oh, you think she's full of crap?

I think she's full of effing.

I think she's a crap, mate.

From where I'm sitting, she's a straight shooter.

You think you see her as a straight shooter?

Yeah, that's what I like most about her.

She tells it like it is.

I think if I dicked her down, maybe I could knock some truth into her.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Would you smash with Jensaki?

If it would start, it would stop the lying.

For your country.

Same thing with that other blonde bitch from Trump.

JP or whatever the fuck her name is.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah, Kyle Griffin.

Kyle Griffin, the guy who's not Matteo, is responding.

This is a lie.

This is the lie.

Yeah.

To what?

To this story about...

Oh.

Yeah, I thought that guy was Matteo for years.

Oh, I guess he got into a car accident, and then conservatives have been posting that he had an accident.

Rich Bank.

Game-recognized game.

That's what I think.

Their lies are way more fun.

They're all the fucking Lincoln Project dressing up a bunch of fucking dorks and tiki outfits.

Yeah.

Being like, this is something they would do.

Yeah.

The Lincoln Project, you want to talk about a group of people that gets no pussy whatsoever.

Yeah.

It's the fucking Lincoln.

I'll slap that guy in his fucking face.

Yeah.

What's that main guy's name?

Rick?

He's a pedophile, right?

Ricky.

Warrant.

Rick.

Is that his name?

I don't fucking know.

Yeah, something like that.

But I'll fuck all those guys up.

They can suck my dick and balls.

And all the fucking losers, they're like, we need this.

We need a shooting.

This is bad on our sanity.

It's like, shut up.

Shut up and suck my fucking gagules,

my fucking strunsa,

my fucking salzich.

Salsich.

I got a fucking little salzich for all you fucking let's meet in the middle type motherfuckers right here.

I got it for you.

I got a nice little sausage and peppers, and the peppers are my balls, by the way.

Weird long balls.

No, they're little round, cute type of balls.

No, not the long Italian peppers.

That's what my dick looks like, even though it's a sausage.

No.

It's a sausage that looks like that.

But it's too round.

Your dick looks like a Christmas light, and your balls look like...

No, it doesn't.

Your balls look like Roku remotes.

You got tall testicles.

What the fuck?

You got some tall teas, dude.

Do not disparage button balls.

Listen,

tall balls, halocious.

I take a lot of physical mockery on this show.

I was about to say abuse, but Adam is the one who takes the abuse.

But I take my physical appearances disparaged many times.

I'm asked questions like, do you ever have an elephant solution to a problem?

Okay, things like that happen to me.

Things like that happen to me quite a bit.

But I will not have my fat, plump little nuts disparaged because

they're one of the parts of my body that I'm the most comfortable with.

And I won't have you wrecking one of the basic foundations of what I love about myself, which is my fat nuts that multiple girls have called cool.

And then some have said they feel nice when they slap on their pussies when I hit it from the back.

And I won't have you coming over here and saying I have tall balls

because I have fat, plump little fucking beanbags.

And the whores love them.

All right.

Well, now we can say, why don't you have a ridge wall instead of this bullshit?

Oh, yeah.

I have answer for that.

My money is in a fucking clip.

I think the reason is that if I had maybe a duffel bag full of ridge wallets, it would be very easy for me to have a ridge wallet.

I already told you you can have the duffel ball.

Well, I don't have it yet, and I'm going to milk this until I do.

I already told them you can milk, though.

Is it the world's tiniest penis?

It's the lactate cow.

Oh, I would milk the lactate cow.

I thought about that again.

You know, because I spend a lot of time.

I'm like, why am I not happy?

I feel like I have everything I've ever wanted.

I was like, well, and then I imagine myself married to the lactate cow.

Oh, yeah.

It's like, I'll never have that.

Let me just take a look at the lactate cow to get me in the zone for this read.

I mean, she's like sitting at the counter table

or

kitchen table.

And it looks, she's giving you this look like, you know,

she doesn't really mind that you've gotten a second DUI.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what?

I think it's cool.

I would like her to have bigger tits.

If you're an an ass man, you're probably more of a lactate cow guy.

Look, as much as I appreciate a nice, fat, juicy ass as well, I am more of a titties guy, gun to my head.

But she has a nice, sweet, you know, there's something about her that I enjoy a lot.

Well, that's why I said married to the lactate cow, not fucking the lactate cow.

Well, I'm milking it, though.

You're married to it in your fantasy.

You have something I can milk.

It's the lactate cow.

And you have to pay me for it.

Oh, it's your wife.

You have to pay me for my wife's milk.

But I milk her with my mouth.

You can do whatever the fuck you want.

I don't care.

As long as I get paid.

Your fantasy is you're pimping out your wife, the lactate cow, to your close friends.

That's right.

Not even a stranger.

That's right.

A guy you'll have to see again many times.

That's what makes me happy.

And you know where you're going to keep all the money from pimping out your wife?

In my Ridge Wallet.

In your Ridge Wallet.

Adam, why don't you take a look at the website?

The father and son team, Daniel and Paul Kane, launched the Ridge Wallet on Kickstarter in 2013.

That's awesome.

And now it sits in the front pockets of over a million men and women worldwide.

Holy shit.

The two have since recruited a small, close-knit team to execute on their vision of creating quality and functional products.

This is one of the most actual and real companies that we talk about on the show.

We actually,

of all the companies that we take money from to pretend we like, we actually really like this company.

And you know what?

I'll say the dick pills too.

They've helped me out.

But we'll just say this company, their products are great.

The people are nice.

And you can feel the fucksmanship, craftsmanship in every fucking piece of shit, every fucking nice little metallic wallet they give you.

You know, I don't know if you guys have been reading Tucker or watching Tucker recently.

I haven't.

Every night.

Every night.

I drink my 11 beers and I sit down and I watch Tucker.

Yeah.

But I saw this.

I put on my sunglasses that say the truth.

And then I have to take them off because I can't see the TV.

Yeah.

Well, here's the thing is I saw an interesting segment about how New York City is a war zone now.

Right.

And that's why I have a gun.

Which is scary.

New York City is a borezone.

I don't have a gun because I don't want to.

I don't trust wax code.

I don't trust myself.

You don't want to shoot yourself in the thigh and go to jail for five years.

I don't trust myself to know, coming in heavy.

You know what I mean?

Well, I'm always strapped.

But what I do have.

You'll never catch me laughing.

What I do have as

a person with a generally nervous temperament in New York City is a Kevlar Ridge wallet.

Because when someone's trying to steal my money, typically they will shoot you in the wall.

Yeah, so that's one of the products that

I'm proudly.

That you proudly have.

I proudly use.

And look, the Ridge Wallet, the wallet is fucking nice.

It helps me to fucking organize all my shit

very easy.

It's fucking sleek.

And they got a bunch of other nice stuff.

They got bags.

They got...

You know.

What else, Adam?

You're on the website.

They got bags, card cases.

They have gear.

They have knives.

I have a knife.

It's nice.

They have carbon bottle openers

that you can keep in your Ridge wallet.

And when it's beer o'clock, you can crack that cock supper, cocks, cock sucker,

crack that cock sucker open, crack that cock supper open.

Cock supper is what you have for dinner every day.

Yeah,

cock supper?

Yeah, yeah.

You ring a big bell, everybody's like, supper's on, and I'm in the fioda.

And you run in and you're sucking.

Yeah, the lactate cows made dicks for Adam.

And she goes and rings the triangle.

They also have something called.

I'm just not counting stav's money, putting it into my ridge wallet.

I don't.

I said business is a booming.

I don't know.

That's going to be the world.

That's smart, dude.

You should run us.

You got King Trump.

You should run us like it's a factory town, like it's Amazon, where it's like, oh, wow.

You give us our cash.

You got script.

You pay us in tokens to milk your way.

In rollbucks.

They have a product.

This is interesting.

It's called the hook.

And what it is, is a door opener.

So it's, I suppose, if you don't want to touch the sanitary door opener.

If you don't want to touch doors, you can get this hook.

And guess what?

The hook also has a beer opener.

You should probably buy this.

You should probably buy that because I guarantee you nobody's going to be making those in six months.

Yep.

Yeah.

That was a real psycho move.

That's going to be a

special limited run

door.

Yep.

So grab the.

People were doing that?

Yeah.

Insane.

Oh, yeah.

And

there's a fucking ridge wallet.

I got a cane to keep people at a distance.

A six-foot cane.

And I would extend it.

And if I was at a restaurant or something, I'd just prod people along out of the way.

March as I try to go to the bathroom.

Push them further into their booze as I walk down the aisle.

Or just give them a nice whack.

And let them know.

Here's a review from verified buyer Paul C.

He says, a great tool, especially now that COVID-19.

You think that's Paul Giamatti?

Yeah.

I think it is.

Paul Ciamati.

Well, Paul C.

is his middle middle name, but his last name is Giamatti.

Paul Cuntellini Giamatti.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Paul can't come Giamatti.

So here's the deal, guys.

I'm going to buy you.

My nuts don't work.

Oh, geez.

You're nuts.

Oh, I know you're not working.

I'm going to go crazy.

My nuts don't work.

Here's the deal, Mouse.

Paul Giamatti.

Here's your body.

My nuts don't.

Your penis doesn't work.

Hold on.

I'm gay.

I'm gay and I'm drinking Berlot.

I can't get pussy from that Chinese lady

because I'm gay.

Classic joke sideways.

Yes, yes, sideways.

Everyone knows where you're going, Nick.

Everyone fill in the blank.

Look, I'm an old man.

with simple pleasures

in this world.

Everyone at home knows where Nick is going.

You've got the on one side, it's I'm just gonna be describing Sol for X.

I'm gonna describing old racist jokes the way like Paulie Walnuts talks about doing chin-ups in the audience.

Oh, thanks for

saying he was in the Marines.

You don't know which one it was.

I feel like it says the core, but maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway, here's the deal: I just put the hook door opener in my shopping cart

and I hit checkout.

And then I put in the promo code Come Town

and the $40 hooker

hook door opener.

And I said that because it's such a good deal.

Yeah.

It's only $40

for a hook that opens doors?

Oh, my God.

You got to jump on that immediately.

Think about how many things.

It's made out of brass.

You know how much fucking coronavirus costs?

Trip to the hospital is about $17,000 of that insurance.

You get that hook, you were guaranteed to not get it.

We'll never get coronavirus.

Look,

we all know by now the vaccines don't work, period.

It's December.

It's come out.

The vaccines

don't work.

Yep, the only thing that works

is the hook.

It's the hook.

And for $40, that's just fucking.

Anthony Fauci had to admit it.

Not only is the hook the only thing that prevents coronavirus, he's also gay.

Stavros,

here's where I come in.

I think $40.

You invented HIV.

Oh, you think it's too much.

But then I put in the promo hook Come Tom.

and boom, the hook is now $36.

Oh, my God.

That's $10.

Well, now it's fucking run to the website.

That is 10%.

Actually, that's 10%.

That's more than 10% because it's

$36

is

you divide $40 by $40, $36.

Yep.

You divide $40 by $30.

And you get.

That is 100% discount.

You are getting a 50% discount.

You're right.

It is 100% discount because 100% of 40 is 40.

Yep.

And what is the price now?

36%?

36 is 0% 40.

Yeah.

It's not 40%.

40 is 100%.

40 is 100% 40%.

36 is 100% not 40%.

Correct.

So it's 100% discount.

Discount.

Beautiful.

And that's the kind of statistics I'm doing at COVIDTruthFacts.com

that proves that the vaccines don't work, and Anthony Fauci invented HIV to get revenge on the gay community for being too small to fuck.

Yeah,

and that's that's something you guys are going to want to keep an eye out on.

So, look, for Christmas, buy people a fucking hook.

They're going to need it.

Buy a hook, buy a Kevlar wallet.

Buy a Kevlar wallet.

Because these, we're not going to say what kind of people, but who else?

Okay.

Yeah.

They are shooting people in the wallet.

Whoa, Adam.

What the fuck?

That's fucked up.

I was not talking.

Yeah, so buy that.

And listen, listen, buy a Stavi Baby fucking 2022 calendar.

By this point, they're on sale and they're fucking flying off the shelves, you fucking.

You can check out come.town.

Hopefully, the shirts will be back up for sale by then.

Yeah, I'll have some shirts up for Christmas on sale.

Stopvi.biz slash, I think, shop or some shit.

The point is, buy yourself a fucking calendar.

Buy yourself Mac Weldon.

Buy yourself.

What was the first one?

Ridgewall.

But before that.

We only did two ads.

MacWaldon and Ridgewood.

MacWeldon.

That's right.

You said that.

Did I?

You said that before you said, what was the first one?

You said, buy yourself Mac Weldon.

What was the first one?

You said, buy yourself Ridge Wallet, buy Mac Weldon.

What was the first one?

Damn, bro.

I'm really barely, barely making it through today.

I'm feeling good now.

Now that I've got some of those, now that I've been spending the entire episode eating peanut butter pretzels,

what a combo.

I think it's a great stack.

You know what I'd love?

20%.

20%, no.

20% of those.

Wife that you could milk and charge.

No, no, no.

That's your dream.

Yeah.

And I don't want to steal it from you.

I'm not a copier.

That's true.

Watch

two weeks from now, Adam, talking about who's in love with the lactate cow.

And he's never wanted to eat ramen in his life.

Well, they'll have to do it.

I'm fully in love with the lactate cow.

That's huge, man.

Congratulations.

And that's why I'm sad.

No, I'll preface it by saying, like, I don't, guys,

be nice.

I'm about to say something.

A little bit of a bad thing.

This might be crazy.

Yeah.

Here's what I love in that

tub of peanut butter pretzel pretzels.

What would you like?

Boys' penis.

About 20%.

A little boy's penis.

No.

About 20% filled with chocolate.

And you get a little

bit just a little random assortment of a couple chocolate pretzels in it.

I like that.

That would take it to the next level if you ask me about that.

And I was being modest.

I'll be honest.

I would like if it was 50%.

Damn, doing some self-bargaining.

But that's where I draw the line.

The five stages of having a snack.

Anger.

Bargaining.

We got all that fucking candy.

We got a little bit of fucking crack.

It's Halloween.

I mean, it's Christmas.

Well, it's Christmas.

We got to eat Christmas.

Yeah.

Yeah,

we should go to CBS tomorrow for the discount.

And get the discount Christmas candy.

Adam goes to a store called CPNS.

He does.

Not only does he go there, he's employee of the month.

He doesn't work there.

You've seen the most.

Yeah.

Well, I work there for the discount.

Yeah.

Child vagina services.

CPNS.

You love CP-NES.

Hello.

Is this Child Vagina Services?

You know?

Yes, I do.

I see where you're going with that.

Yeah, I was over at CPS the other day.

You were in.

You were CPNS.

The other day, and they didn't have my prescription ready.

Yeah.

And I was like,

if I don't get it soon, I'm going to perish.

And do you ever get over-the-counter looking at penis?

I'm prescribed.

You need prescriptions, extra strength looking at cock.

Yeah.

It's got to be a doctor.

You got to really be looking at penis.

This guy is going to go crazy.

Oh, that's awesome.

This guy needs.

This guy's going to flip his fucking lid if he doesn't see it.

This guy is going to get one step closer to the edge.

And he's about to suck.

And he's about to suck.

I want to suck your fucking dick because I'm one step closer to your dick and I'm about to suck.

I'm trying to suck your fucking dick.

Now this is is something

i don't know if i brought this up before but the hot wheels were around and they came

you did but go ahead

and so it's just a tip i probably forgot yeah imagine the ceo kicking down the door kicking down i'd love to see how the boardroom how the fuck on that day how the fuck they made the cars even tinier yeah you son of a bitch you fucking you know what and what

is it's yet again another reference to Glen Gary Glenn Ross.

Yeah.

And you can just you just plug those jokes right into the speech.

You know what that that mini car thing reminded me of?

Which when I was a kid.

Your penis?

I got really good at tech decks.

And then I realized

they made skateboards for your feet.

That's crazy, dude.

Yeah.

I was like, why am I doing the finger one?

That's what I've been doing for a while.

Sally Baldwin writing ABC on a board and it's Alec, A, Alec, B,

Baldwin, C killed a cinematographer while doing a Donald Trump impression.

That was from the deleted scene.

You can see, which is crazy, how prescient it was.

Yeah.

You know what?

You know what I saved that lady?

Alec B.

Baldwin.

You know what I've saved that lady?

Committing.

C, committing.

Committing murder.

Psycho killer, Alec Baldwin.

Damn.

Maybe that cinematographer would have lived if she had the Kevlar wallet.

Honestly,

if SNL had any integrity, they would have immediately done an Alec Baldwin killing people sketch.

Well, that's a huge.

Maybe it aired last night.

I don't know.

They did it already, I remember.

They already made fun of Alec Baldwin shooting something.

No, I mean, it's December, so

they've been on hiatus, but now they're back.

It's coming back.

They've been on hiatus.

That's where you shove your nose in there and you get high off the fumes.

Jank them.

Okay.

They're going to have Kate McKinnon play hallelujah on piano as a tribute to their old friends.

You know what there's not a lot of up here that is bothering me?

Owls.

I was hoping I'd see a couple.

Yeah, well, you got to seek them out, I think.

Yeah.

We basically

just have been on the property at night.

You have to know how to find an owl.

You went out a little bit.

I did.

You might have been able to find an owl.

Do you see anything nice?

A toad.

You saw a toad in the middle of the night?

Yeah.

Damn, look at Isis just napping.

I'm jealous, dude.

She loves to sleep.

I love, dude.

She's fucking knocked out.

Yeah.

Your dog's just dead.

We're like, she looks so cute right now.

She does look pretty cute, dude.

That would be so annoying.

Would you get her

right now?

Well, I was thinking I'd get her taxidermied and then treat her like she's alive.

Yeah.

Put her at the corner of your room.

Put food out in front of her that decomposes.

Kind of like I had a child that died.

Yeah, yeah.

I would get my son taxidermied.

What age?

What age is he ineligible for taxidermy?

Four or five, and you put him in a little sailor outfit and you get him taxidermied.

Do you kill him right now?

Right next to the TV.

No, you kill him so he could be a little boy forever and be with mommy forever.

Yeah.

You're never going to grow up.

You're never going to leave mommy.

Yeah.

You're always going to be my perfect little boy.

You're going to be my perfect little guy.

It would be funny if I developed Munchausen's by proxy.

I'd be like, yeah, my daughter's retarded.

Yeah, yeah.

She's not.

I've been doing my own research on it.

Listen, you're eligible.

That loves your own research.

That Gypsy Rose documentary is.

I might re-watch that.

Yeah, that's some fucked up shit.

Just fucking...

Is she free?

Did she?

Just putting her hands over your daughter's ears and being like, she's retarded.

Yeah.

Did Gypsy get parole or is she in life?

Is she in prison for life?

The mom?

And let me ask this.

Do they have Chinese food in this town?

Just a quick little change.

In our town?

Where we are right now.

i think there was chinese and i think there's also well there's a place called lee bank so i would assume that those people need to go eat at some point right so there's got to be a chinese restaurant

that's true that's just a thought i had because i would like to have a dumpling yeah i'm simultaneously having that feeling where my body hurts and it's mad at me for everything i've done so far

and then the thought to have a little weed tincture yeah maybe zonk out on the couch watch entourage yeah and then have some chinese food.

My friend, there are three Chinese restaurants in the world.

How are they reviewed?

There's a 4.4, a 4.1, and a 4.0.

4.0.

Yeah.

This is on

a four-star Chinese restaurant.

This place is called Koi, after the Japanese restaurant.

After Joe Koi.

After Joe Koi.

It's a Chinese restaurant called Koi.

It looks actually...

And that's the 4.0?

I don't want a 4.0.

I want the 4.4.

No, this is the 4.4.

Interesting.

Go PF Yangs.

What's the domain look like?

I'm looking at their menu right now.

How about do they have chicken wings?

I don't, I don't know.

It looks just like.

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