Ep. 286 – chantilly lace

Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We the man to be home!

Winner, best score!

We the man to be seen!

Winner, best book!

We the man to be quality!

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com

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Yeah.

Yep, we agree, Adam.

Yeah.

Come say it on the mic.

You missed that one, but this is the one that's important.

Okay, so this doesn't matter?

It doesn't matter.

The only reason I record the individual channels

is if, like, if he says the N-word or something again,

then I can just cut that.

and then bleep it and it doesn't pick up on the other channels.

Gotcha, gotcha.

So don't, you don't say the N-word.

I've never said it on camera.

Yeah, I mean, I could do it off this one, but it just makes it easier to chop it up.

Because, you know, sometimes he's like, oh, in college, I drugged and raped this girl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He does a 15-minute story, and then he's like, can you delete that?

And if he does it, then I can cut his section because he zeroed out.

Oh, a different guy.

Different guy.

Oh, the other guy?

Yeah.

The other guys.

The other guys.

I'm the guy who does his fucking job.

Yeah.

Who are you?

You must be the other guy.

You know what I'm saying about?

You know the movie Dumb and Dumber?

Yeah.

So that's the title, but it's in.

No.

That's it.

No, it's.

I mean,

it rhymes.

It rhymes.

No, but imagine the characters.

No, that's.

We're going to keep.

We're not taking it deeper.

We're going to let everyone think about what you made them think.

You know what would be funny.

But we are not going to.

We are not going to.

yeah, no, I get it.

No way

is if it had that name, but it was Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels.

That'd be funnier if it was like

Michael Clark Duncan and

Jeff Daniels.

We are not going into this one.

We're gonna keep it moving.

The character's name is Lloyd Fonza.

Okay, I'll give you that one.

That's a good one.

all there that was clever

but we are moving on George Floyd Christmas no we are we are moving on you couldn't you couldn't have just had Kwanzaa could you you had to have it one more hey you had to sneak one more in late night it is late night this is my conan spot it is late night is this the latest episode we've done in quite some time because we've been on the 10 a.m.

fucking noon schedule 10 p.m.

right now people forget this started off as a late night show yeah when you're we you were young, man, we'd come back from getting pussy all night.

Yeah.

And we'd do the podcast.

That's just smell.

I would reek of pussy.

Oh, yeah.

I got so much pussy in my early 20s.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, we weren't doing the show in your early 20s.

Yeah.

It feels like.

You were drunk as shit at sidebar.

Not even.

That was your mid-20s.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

We're all 24 years old.

No, you're 37.

What are you talking about?

You're a grandma.

We have our whole lives ahead of us.

You got a grandma's body.

Stop looking at my body, bro.

Why?

I'm trying to feel better about myself.

You do have grandma posture, Adam.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you know what?

The good news is?

You'll be good.

You'll basically look the same until you die.

Yeah.

You have an old man's body.

No, I won't look good.

The best, literally.

You'll look young, and then I'll look horrific.

No, you'll be bad.

You don't look young now.

I look younger than you.

You look young.

You look terrible.

You don't look younger than you are.

You look like Anthony.

I've get carded still.

You got fucking pock marks on that.

I'm not saying that as a brag.

Come on.

It's not a brag.

You don't look that young.

I'm not like a fucking old woman.

You do look like an old woman.

Well, I will look like an old woman.

The best I can hope for personally is Mickey Goldmill from fucking Rocky.

That's awesome.

That would be awesome, though.

But that's the best scenario.

That's

best case scenario.

I end up like a...

Well, apparently he fucked a lot, the actor.

Burgess Meredith.

Burgess Meredith.

Yeah, famous actor Burgess Meredith.

Yeah, he got Mickey Goldmill.

Your mind does that trick where you're like, you mean that fucking old

boxing trainer?

That boxing trainer.

I'm going to see what Burgess looks like, actually.

Not when he's making the face.

I mean, look, Adam, I also look like old, like, I've looked like a 50-year-old diner owner since I was 20.

Yeah, but that's your thing.

And you look like an old Jewish woman.

We don't have to have the same thing.

We happen to have the same thing.

We have different things.

We happen to have the same thing.

Wow, he looks kind of goofy.

It's true.

We do happen to have the same thing.

For different reasons.

We're both.

Big old fat three guys.

We just look old.

We're big old cows.

That's really mean to call a fat guy a cow.

No, I'm a bull.

Yeah, a bull is a compliment.

Yeah, but Shane already has that.

I know, we've been through this.

Have we?

You could be pig.

Have we?

No, no, we've been through this exactly.

Yeah, for sure.

I'm the boss hog.

Bull is taken, but pig is available.

I'm the fucking boss hog.

So we signed for a screen name.

We're like, cool guy is taken, but you could be faggot 7.

You could mean gay motherfucker.

You mean XX, not cool faggot.

Do you have an XX screen name, Adam?

No.

Would you have?

I tried different Jimi Hendrix screens,

dude.

And the one that wasn't taken was Stone Free, and then my birthday.

Nice.

Nick, what were your screen names?

A lot of racist shit that I'm not saying.

On the AOL?

Yeah, I would make new ones all the time.

Oh, man, that's hilarious.

I had a little, I think I said this, I had a little Latin flair.

I was El Stavrito.

That's sick.

And I'm not trying to suck up to you because you just called me old looking.

We both look old in different ways.

Come up with good names.

Thank you.

Stavi Baby Enterprises is a great name.

Thank you.

I've always been jealous of it.

Thank you very much.

What's your LLC is rich black women entertainment?

That would be good.

Black women, black women.

No,

Download Brothers Entertainment.

Download Brothers Incorporated.

Mind of my black-owned business LLC.

That's a good one.

No, it's worse than that.

But I won't say it publicly.

What?

Your business name?

Yeah.

No, well, it's not something you have to keep in mind.

People can look it up.

Yeah, look, go to Albany, New York, and look up the New York State State.

New York Department of Commerce, Secretary.

Yeah, go tell them where to find it.

Secretary of State.

You do a business search, you put in Adam Friedland under the owner or manager.

It's probably pretty easy to find.

It'll give you his address, too, because Funny Moms International.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

S Corporation.

It'll tell you where he lives, too, because they have to, legally, you have to provide an address.

That's so epic, dude.

That's so epic of you.

Yeah.

Adam Friedland.

Are you doing it right now?

I was about to, but it's hilarious.

The things that are

that, like, auto.

Like, Adam Friedland age, Adam Friedland sister, Adam Friedland height.

Adam Friedland, you, girlfriend.

These fucking animals, dude.

You fucking pieces of shit.

Girlfriend is the worst.

Leave the fucking Jesus.

You leave the girl alone.

That makes me mad.

Here's the worst Don't,

not on Adam.

Here's the worst DM I get.

Frequently,

I get DMs from strangers.

Yeah.

Chinless strangers

that say, your sister is beautiful.

As if I'm going to be like, oh, you should get married to her.

Yeah.

You should.

Oh, it's interesting.

Nick's is Nick Mullen Adam Friedland is the first thing.

Yeah, but we're in love.

Yeah, we're husband.

And then height.

I'm the first extra.

Maybe it's because I just said.

Maybe it's because I just yeah.

I got Stavros Halcius Age and Tooth.

Those are mine.

Not too shabby.

You're deliberately not reading the ones that come to the page.

Well, because I've searched those.

And Stavros Halcius pig, not bull.

No.

It was bull crossed off.

Hold on, I'll search.

You search Stavros Halcus Bull, and it says, did you mean Stavros Halcius pig?

No.

Wikipedia, the Stavros Halkius pig is a breed of pig from Greece

that exists.

No, it doesn't.

It's real.

It isn't real.

It's real.

It's not real, and Nick is gay.

What if Santa was real, but he was gay?

And he had a hard-ass penis.

What if Santa Claus came in your ass instead of down a chimney?

That's the question we're answering.

This Halloween.

Get ready for gay Santa.

Gay Santa.

You watched Bad Santa.

Well, now he's gay.

Are you calling me a fucking fat?

And he's going to fuck that black midget

that was in everything in, like, from 2004 to 2012.

My dad taught me how to have gay sex when I was eight years old.

That's a pretty good point.

Only thing I could do is get a job at Santa Claus.

They said they weren't hiring queers anywhere around here.

Gay Santa.

I forgot the little boy from Slingblade is in Tokyo Drift.

Is that him?

Yeah.

Blue Fist Black.

And he's still playing the same little boy.

I like to imagine it's the same character.

I think it is.

So what are you doing over here in Japan?

I made friends with a retard and they sent me here.

I made friends with a retard that killed my stepdad and they sent me to Japan.

That should have been the sneak peek at the end of Fast Six as we find out Slingblade killed Han.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

That would be awesome.

I thought he was molesting the boy.

I've never seen Slingblade.

Dude, one of my favorite movies.

Red Flood.

Yeah.

Okay.

Fuck it.

I'm getting the band together.

I'm calling the band.

Fuck you.

I'm friends with the sheriff.

Yeah, never seen it.

You know, so it's about a retarded guy that kills a pedophile.

It's a great movie.

It's a perfect little, you know, low-budget

fun movie.

Little fun gem.

Yeah.

That's cool.

Maybe I'll check it out.

I got a TV.

V bought us a little T V for the weekend yeah maybe watch sling blade sling blade sling blade river's edge is my my double feature my sh show a bitch a film or two double feature I've never seen the other one River's Edge is also one of my favorite what happens in it it's uh about a a teenager group of teenagers movie opens one of them has just murdered the a female friend so for a multi gendered f friend group

in this like kind of wasteoid I presumably like

eastern or northern California town, you know,

lower middle class town.

One of the teenagers, yeah, he kills this girl.

Damn.

And then the rest of the teenagers, like, they're just telling, they're gossiping about it, and they're like, yeah, John killed Janie, and we're going to go see her body later.

And, I mean, it's kind of a slow burn because they're not really reacting at all.

But it is pretty accurate to, I mean, it's about a lot of things.

Okay.

It's good.

There are breasts in it.

Yeah, they're naked.

Uh, dead, but

I don't want to look at dead breasts.

I don't want to look at dead breasts.

Well, they kind of look like a light-skinned Latina sort of thing.

I feel like those women look dead to begin with.

I don't think that's true.

I think it's true.

I think that's true.

I don't even

know what that is.

I think Argentinians, they all look like corn.

Oh, I see what you mean, like very light-skinned.

Yeah, when they're like blue lips.

You're talking about like

German, like Italian women that, like,

there's like one generation.

They just have, like, there's like the Italians that left for Mussolini and got a tan.

Yeah.

And now they call themselves Latinx.

Yeah.

But they're, like, 98% Italian.

Yeah.

I see what you're talking about.

And they write on Ted Lasso.

Yeah.

They do comedy about kindness.

I hate that shit.

It's so annoying, dude.

I've never seen it.

No, I put it.

I watched one episode.

Yeah, I watched the pilot too because I was like,

I was just curious.

It's not good.

It's bad television.

Well,

it's just like

the whole premise is this is a guy that

can't get pussy from his wife, so he goes to England.

Yeah.

That's what happens.

That sounds good to me.

Well, nothing really happens on the show.

There's always just like a sequence of events that don't, there's no like...

Tension, there's no drama to anything.

It's just fucking...

Did you see the whole thing?

No.

I watched one episode and it was bad.

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's better than The Pilot, but it was not my cup of tea, I'll put it that way.

Is it true that it was like rewritten to not be mean?

I don't know.

That originally it was supposed to be about a dumbass that's coaching soccer that doesn't know about southern college football.

And then they made it about like mental health and stuff.

I don't know.

I don't fucking know.

I think that all just sort of materialized around this, but you never know.

Yeah.

Who knows?

And I fuck with Shuday because he's good.

Maybe it was created by the CIA.

Very good.

Very nice.

Very seriously.

I would always like to put that option on the table with regards to anything.

Do the CIA as well.

Hassan Piker, CIA.

Us.

Yeah, us.

CIA.

For sure.

We are definitely made by the CIA.

Yeah.

There's no way that many people listen to this shit.

Yeah.

Like, somebody is paying.

It does have to.

I feel like, yeah, there's like dark State Department money that it's.

Just pushing us to the forefront.

Right.

Because otherwise, I would probably

blow myself up in front of a

census building.

Something that doesn't even

have that Department of the Interior.

I drive a truck into it.

I actually have my Israeli asset contacts that I've been pumping our page right on for about five years now.

That's good.

Yeah.

Growing it steadily.

So it looks organic.

So it looks organic.

Checks out.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

We're getting the minds of the youth and we're making them fucking stupid as shit.

The pork rinds of the youth.

Dangerous pork rinds starring Stop Verse Halkius.

Dangerous pork rinds?

It's like Dangerous Minds.

What was that?

Dangerous Rinds.

And Michelle Pfeiffer

teaches a bunch of Latin kids in South Central.

And so it's you teaching home ech.

It's me teaching them how to make really good sandwiches.

It's like a rowdy classroom and you're just writing Rigatoni on the board and underlining it.

And they're like...

Rigatoni.

I only know that,

hold on.

Yeah.

That

Tony.

I don't eat bologna.

And then there's rapping, and you're like, maybe you can rap a recipe.

And then we go to the state finals of making fucking breakfast.

Yep.

But one of them gets arrested

falsely by a cop.

Yeah.

And then we have to.

You have to make the cop donut so good, he lets him off.

And right before the big debate, the doctor tells you you're dying of

if you keep drinking, you're going to die.

And you're like, well, I'm not going to quit drinking.

And you're like, how do I tell the kids I'm dying?

And you're like, I got bad news, guys.

We can make it through, but I'm drinking myself to death.

So we got maybe a month left to cooking together.

Right.

Also, I don't really even work at this school.

I'm going to be honest with you.

Cafeteria ain't got a teacher.

That's just lunch.

I kind of rolled in here.

Yeah, I'm otered in the teacher.

Yeah, I just faked it.

I've been collecting money in the form of strawberry shortcake good humor ice cream bars.

Oh, man, those are fucking sick.

Yeah.

Fuck, dude.

What were the best treats at your school cafeteria?

Those.

We didn't have those.

That was some fucking crazy shit.

We never had ice cream.

What's the, what's the, they had a contemporary, like a, a partner in crime, the strawberry shortcake ones.

The Spongebob?

No, no.

The cookie cream?

No, it was like chocolate declaire, I think, was the other flavor.

Yes, yes, yes.

Good humor.

See, we didn't have ice cream.

We had fucking Mrs.

Fields cookies.

We had

hot fries.

No, not Indie Cabs.

We had branded cookies.

And then in high school, we had little pizzas you could buy.

I think it's...

That made the dick very plump.

I think that all the food in the country is all made by that Cisco company.

Yeah, probably.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely they have schools.

Schools have definitely they have fucking contracts.

Yeah, because I feel like everybody ate the same kind of hamburger that had a very specific taste.

And that weird square pizza.

Yeah, French bread pizza.

Yeah,

French bread.

Because it wasn't tombstone.

I remember that confused me.

With the little sausages with little square pepperonis?

I didn't understand what tombstone pizza was.

I didn't understand why it was called French bread.

Yeah.

Because

it looked more like a tombstone.

Oh, you were thinking about death.

Well, tombstone was a type of pizza, but I think that was a brand new pizza.

It was a brand of circular pizzas.

But it was a brand of French breadstone.

Oh, it was just French bread?

But big ones.

Big French breads.

Yeah.

Nah, we didn't fuck with those in my house.

It was all circular.

I don't think I've ever had an actual tombstone pizza in my life.

We were definitely a freschetta family.

Red Baron.

No, Red Baron sucked my dick.

I ate a lot of Red Baron pizza.

Frischetta was the Cadillac of frozen pizzas.

It was late in the game, too.

It wasn't around at first.

Go ahead, Adam.

Do the joke, and I'll remind you that I used to.

Does your no suck dick?

Go ahead, Adam.

Do my joke.

I don't even know what your joke is.

Go ahead, do it.

What, that the Red Baron was a German pilot in World War I?

What's the joke?

You know, you know it.

I don't know.

I don't remember it.

Go ahead.

I'm not here for the joke.

I'm here for the go ahead, dude.

I'm just doing

my old bits.

Go ahead, Joe.

I'm here for the arresting tidbits and anecdotes

that everyone tunes in every week.

So, what happened?

What about the Red Baron?

I don't even remember this, bitch.

But then, give us your own thoughts.

Walk it out.

Why don't you give us your own thoughts?

If you had to.

I don't know.

I don't want to bite right now.

Why?

Just try, dude.

It's fine.

What are we at timestamp?

What?

We are at 18.50.

All right, so you have

a minute left before.

Don't even you're not going to go to the half of the pizza.

We'll we'll do the just riff on the idea that the red baron also made pizza.

Yeah, just figure it out.

Yeah

Well what why explore this place space

well why do the Nazis make pizza

Okay,

I mean there's is there more

Doesn't make much sense to me

Should be an Italian that was a fucking rough fart It smelled like rotisserie chicken.

Oh nice.

We just had some.

That's too fast for my farts to be smelling like the thing I ate 17 minutes ago.

Did I eat up the clock on that?

So, what's your bit?

What's the read, Nick?

Just tell us what the bit is.

I don't remember what the bit is.

I literally.

The red, what would your face be?

I wish I had one cigarette right now to blow the smoke in your face.

Like, turn all the lights off in here except this one.

Like you're Christoph Waltz.

Listen, we're not having,

it's not that difficult.

What's the reed?

You're a professional comedian.

Wait, what is the reason?

The prompt is this.

Yeah.

Red Baron pizza.

Yeah.

Obviously, German pilot.

Yeah.

What's the joke?

Where do you go from there?

It's Nazi pizza.

Is it Nazi pizza?

I don't know.

It's World War I.

Oh, it's World War I.

Yeah, they weren't really against the Jews so much that time around.

Keep going.

I don't know.

It's an Italian food, but a German name for it.

I'm off track now.

What's going on?

I'm going to come back.

I'm going to give you 15 minutes.

Stop, you know?

I don't know.

I want to see what you're.

No, Stop doesn't know either.

You're making it seem like I'm some sort of defunct.

There was a light in your eye that seemed like you were going to.

I remember Nick had a bit about

pizza, but I don't remember.

I legitimately don't remember what it was.

What was it?

Just humor them.

We'll come back in 15 minutes.

We'll let you think about it for a while.

Talk to your attorney.

15 minutes of a read?

Yeah, try it.

No, I'm joking.

We're not going to.

What was the bit?

Just say it.

No.

Why?

Because I'll wait until you do it.

What was it?

That he was a famous pilot from World War I.

Mac Weldon.

Mac Weldon.

This is the most delicious underwear that Adam can eat.

Almost like a red barren pizza.

Yeah.

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Stop, would you ever have bread-barren pizza?

Sure.

Yeah, okay.

Like garlic bread?

Yeah, sure.

Stop doesn't know what it is either.

I lose a bit, dude.

It was bread-barren pizza.

No, that's just a pun.

I would go on stage and I say, why is it called bread-barren pizza?

Why is it called bread-barren?

Bread.

That would be pretty good.

Bread-barren pizza, what the fuck?

But it's on bread.

Yeah, I used to be really good at stand-up.

Yeah, I don't remember the bid.

Yeah, no, it was stupid.

The daily wear system is a selection of.

It was just dumb bit.

It wasn't good at all.

I don't even think he even saw it earlier.

I did it for like one week in Austin.

Yeah, I was.

It sounds familiar, though.

I do feel like I might have to.

What's the bid?

Just say it.

It was just, you know.

For the audience, not for us, for our loyal fans.

No, don't worry about it.

Stupid.

No, I shouldn't have said that.

Now you don't want to do it.

Yeah, I don't want to do it.

That's why I don't do it anymore.

The daily wear system is a selection of.

Yeah, but listen, man, we got fucking...

We're only

22.

We got Mac Weldon underwear.

Listen.

We'll get to her in the 50s when we're struggling to get to that hour.

And then we'll re revisit

the red band.

It's going to be sweet when there's new episodes of this show dropping that we record maybe two months from now.

Yeah.

And we're all 47 years old.

Yeah.

When they air.

Yeah.

And Adam is 58.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not that much older.

Adam's going.

Adam's being ravished by menopause.

Yeah, it's difficult to get a hysterectomy.

Your breast starts to be.

What happens?

Your pussy just runs out of eggs?

It dries up.

Yeah, then it makes it completely.

And it's like, well, look,

we're out of eggs, so you don't get any fucking sauce.

And you get really hot.

Yeah.

Yeah, but then they take your womb out, and then you just start raw dogs.

They don't give you a hysterectomy when you go through menopause.

Does your pussy fall out?

No, not every.

You think every woman gets a hysterectomy?

I thought that's what you you have to do at menopause.

You think every single one gets their pussy hollowed out?

I'm sorry, Soph.

My mother didn't live long enough to.

Okay, all right.

There we go.

You don't know basics about pussy, so you got to fucking.

I don't know pussy facts.

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Wasn't it December?

Yeah, I guess we should say that.

So, this is probably November.

There's probably some kind of Thanksgiving bullshit.

Is this Thanksgiving?

Yeah, yeah, there's probably, you're right.

I didn't hear back from them, but I guarantee that they're going to be.

They better pay.

Amen, brother.

They're going to want to.

They always do some kind of fucking fall.

They have like a fall underwear.

Maybe your cock and balls are a little chilly because it ain't summer no more.

Yeah.

Maybe you're pussy.

Maybe you're one of these old bitches that got her pussy drilled out, like Adam said.

There's no juice in that bitch.

They got a thing that the underwear pulls your cock up and then the skin in between your balls and your dick to form a turkey neck.

oh nice you know and it's turkey style oh shit the fucking bulls are about to come back look how excited they're in a

turkey they went on a 10-0 run in the last fucking minute what's the score it's a 101 104 101 okay folks so this is the bulls next game brought to you by mac welding

by mac weldon

october 28th

kemba wager at the top of the key's got alex caruso Caruso smothered him no foul they lose the fucking ball fuck the bulls get it timeout 14.8 seconds, one possession game.

The Knicks are blowing this.

I'm about to kill myself.

This is like Jack Nicholson doing the World Series.

It's one fatso of the cuckoo's mess.

What's the timeout?

So go ahead, Adam.

Yeah, keep going.

Fuck.

That cocksucker Vucevich, that fucking Serbian cocksucker.

Vucevic.

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Have we ever said that?

Radically efficient wardrobing.

Maybe it's giving you the last line.

No, this is from

July 21st.

Yeah.

I told these motherfuckers, I'm not one of these

paperwork

that

you could just be emailing on.

Don't be emailing on me, bitch.

I told them.

I hate that.

I hate that when someone can be healing.

I don't know shit.

I also haven't invoiced him since January.

Yeah, you should, dude.

Why are we doing

their ads?

We should be doing ads for local restaurants.

I like to save it up, and you hit them with the like, blow, $40.

I guess you're right.

Also, $40.

Also, there's just an excuse.

Hey, we're insolvent.

I'm like, blow.

Give me a couple pairs of underwear, though.

Damn, can I at least get a mug?

I would love an underwear mug.

Yeah, I would love that.

Mac Weldon mug.

There you can put your penis in there.

You can put your cock and balls in there.

You can put your penis.

My last office job, I got fired from that.

It would warm my penis up in my coffee.

That's really cool.

They hate it when you do that.

Hey, hey, Sheriff.

14.8 seconds left.

Lonzo Ball inbound.

Tell us about it.

Why don't you tell us about the promo, Coach?

Julius Randle.

I literally said

they got a switch somehow.

He's got Tosh Gibson on him.

How the fuck did that happen?

And Zach Levine dunked it.

One point game, though.

They got a foul.

Yeah.

Okay.

One point game, 9.5 seconds.

How the fuck did they get that switch?

What the fuck?

RJ was on Levine, and they picked him, and they fucking ran off.

That was a great play by the Bulls.

Cock suckers.

Cock suckers, RJ.

You got to fight through that screen.

That fucking piece of shit, Zach Levine, with the dunk.

So anyway, it's a timeout.

And listen, folks, you're going to want to look good at the Thanksgiving table.

You want your cock to look good.

You don't want it to smell bad.

You got to talk to your

uncle about socialism.

You've been

heating your penis up with

a Mac Weldon mug.

With the Mac Weldon mug.

The penis warming mug.

I've been microban.

You're trying to switch over to decaf penis warming.

Yeah, that's true.

You can do it at macweldon.com with promo code penis cup.

Don't even talk to me until I've had my

go to the Secretary of State website and look up Mac Weldon's business.

And then find their address.

Contact their lawyer and threaten to kill him.

Yeah,

you should do that.

Promo code Come Town.

Come Town 20.

Come Town 20.

And that was parody.

That was a parody.

Okay, Knicks ball.

Okay, here we go.

Let's hear what happens at the end of that game.

Okay, so Alec Burke's inbounding.

He's got Lonzo on him, but if Lonzo's not looking, fuck.

Oh, he's got to get it in.

Fuck.

The Knicks need to use another timeout.

You've got to get it in at MacWaldon.com.

And you've got to get in at MacWaldon.com.

God damn it.

Why the fuck did he do that, Alec Burke?

You piece of shit.

Well, I wouldn't say that to him.

He is, man.

They should have fucking kept Reggie Bullock.

I'd like to see you try.

Reggie Bullshit.

I'm going to kill myself if the Knicks lose this game.

No, you're not.

I want the Bulls.

Fuck.

And here at Madison Square Garden, it's Kill Yourself Night.

You're welcome to kill yourself.

This is fucking bullshit.

Fuck the bulls.

Anyway,

I guess we did the promo code, right?

Did we say the promo code?

Come Town20 and we put that part where they asked us to put a threat in it.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was in the copy.

They said make sure.

I forgot I said that already.

I hope nothing ever comes back to bite me in the ass.

There's zero chance.

I'll tell you, there's one thing I would not like.

What's that?

Consequences?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

That is one of the gayest things in the world: consequences.

Who came up with that?

Oh, fucking bitch, that's who

you rape what you said.

Oh, fuck.

I had a fucking Italian sub from Big Y.

Yeah,

we had two dinners tonight.

Well, you know, I think the pierogi and salad was more of an appetizer.

Yeah, it was a snack because we didn't eat a.

I'm tired from driving.

Yeah, I was in a car.

I was in a car for two and a half hours.

Okay, they fouled.

They inbound.

They fouled.

They sent Kemba to the line.

Kemba's a good free throw shooter.

We're looking good, folks.

We're looking good, folks.

Anyway.

Oh, I didn't say on the future Sunday episode about what happened to me on the way over here.

It's really not that big of a deal, but I ran away from a security guard at a nursing home.

Oh, really?

Because I was

one of the older.

No!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

This is unbelievable dude they fucking they they fouled them again they stole the inbounds pass oh my god this is fucking embarrassing i guess it's jockey and he's in bounds too fuck

no he's out

the mar de rosin's out and it's gonna maintain nick's ball

here we go 5.7 seconds they foul this is the most exercise you've gotten they fouled julius randall sweating there's been three rounds of standing up and sitting back i'm sweating to the oldies right now.

I was sweating to the oldies, which is Adam's story about getting confused at the nursing home.

Oh, it happened earlier today.

A senior sitting there.

They got Tony Kukoch in attendance.

He's a fucking hot guy now.

Kukoch is age 12.

He's a fucking silver fox.

Croatian.

Croatian.

Here we go.

Julius, five seconds left.

One point game.

Two free throws.

He misses the first one.

He fucking beefs the first one, this cocksucker.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

This would be a huge win for the Bulls.

Second free throw coming up.

Second free throw coming up, Bucks.

Oh, my God.

Watch this go into overtime.

And if you want to do kind of like a dark side of the moon,

what do you call it?

Wizard of Oz, you can find the

10026 Knicks Bulls game.

Okay, here we go.

Here we go.

He's got to make this one.

He's got to fucking make this one.

All right.

Second free throw.

No good.

No good.

And the Bulls have a timeout.

And he missed it.

Embarrassing.

An embarrassing display from Julius Rand.

This is not good.

This is fucking dog shit.

He folded.

No, you cocksocker, Julius.

No.

He's not ready for the moment, man.

This happened to the playoffs last year.

Fuck.

All right.

Well, listen, I also have a basketball podcast called Pod Don't Lie.

We'll be getting into this probably three weeks ago.

All right, I'm done, man.

The Bulls are about to fucking win.

I'm fucking killing myself.

Look,

I'd say stay on this while you feel alive until we hit, I don't know, just off the top of my head, maybe the 40-minute mark.

All right, well, look, we got one more possession.

The Bulls are probably going to win it here.

It's theirs to win.

Honestly, the Karma Gods

should

repay the Bulls Bulls here because they are playing to earn it, to win it.

And so, if there's justice, they'll win because the Knicks are playing scared in the fourth quarter.

They folded, they let their fucking opponent come back to a double-digit,

it was a double-digit deficit.

So, you know, if there's any justice,

the fucking Bulls will win this one, but I don't want them to.

Oh, fuck.

Athleticism.

There's nothing like it.

Yeah, I agree.

What about getting your dick sucked?

I guess that's true.

I'd rather watch men at their peaks.

Honestly,

watching a really good game versus a run-of-the-mill blowjob at this point in my life, man.

I agree.

I take the game.

But I love heads.

I'd say the Super Bowl where the helmet catch, that was probably better than

the blow job I've ever seen.

And the Patriots lost.

Here we go.

Lonzo to inbound.

DeMars got it.

Airballs it.

Fuck the Bulls.

Nick's number one, baby.

Airballs it, you cocksucker from Southern California.

RJ was all over him, draped on him.

That fuck.

Oh, actually, was it fucking...

It wasn't even R.J..

Yeah, it was RJ on the Switch.

This time, the Switch didn't do so good, did it, DeMar, you fucking prick.

Woo!

Knicks win.

The Bulls suck my dick.

Let's keep the episode going, fellas.

God damn, that's awesome.

Hold on, let me text Sam.

I wouldn't say that about him.

Yeah, go ahead and text Sam for a minute.

Yeah, text Sam.

Let us know when you're done.

Oh, God.

I wouldn't say that about any of these guys because they're friends of the show.

Who, the Bulls?

Yeah, DeMar DeRosen listens to almost every episode of Cometown.

He said Adam's his favorite character.

He did.

He said the grandma is his favorite character.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Listen, he thinks I'm a grandma.

That's a little annoying, but he likes me, and that's what's most important.

Oh, fuck.

Well, I know people are probably annoyed that I did that, but I want to take the opportunity here to let you know that I'm also on tour.

That I'll be in Tampa this weekend.

Please buy your tickets.

I'm in Los Angeles filming a special on the 6th.

I have a warm-up show on the 5th.

at the Irvine Improv, and I might add a show after the special taping where I just do new stuff and crowd work.

And then I'm going to be in Boston from the 9th to the the 11th.

And by this point, I think I'm going to have 2022 calendars for sale on Black Friday.

So get ready for that for you.

Black Friday.

Why do they call it that?

Yeah, why?

I call it African American.

Oh,

that's good.

That's funny.

That's a good angle.

Thanks.

I came up with it.

That's a good angle.

What date is this show?

I call it something different.

It's close to that, but it's offensive.

Okay, I'll be in Atlanta on November 19th with micro scenes.

Let me know when you need me.

You call it something close to that?

Hot Atlanta.

Hot Atlanta, HH Brother.

HH Brother.

God damn the fucking Nick Survived.

That's good.

That's good stuff.

Okay.

Anyway, so.

So what else is up, boys?

What are we going to do this fucking weekend?

This is a fucking extended week, you know?

We're back in the cabin, for those of you who haven't been able to tell what's going on.

We're back in the cabin.

This Sunday will actually be the first episode we recorded.

But you know we like to flip him.

Oh, I just realized that.

You know we'd like to flip him.

By now, Kyle Rittenhouse will have been exonerated.

Yep.

And Gabby Patino will come back and say she just made it.

She killed him.

She killed him, actually.

They found his remote.

I think Dog the Bounty Hunter killed both of them just to have a little...

For the juice.

Yeah,

he's like, I'm going to get back into the whatever the fucking bullshit I do is.

People forgot about him.

Yeah, he got N canceled, which is the harshest canceling.

Secret N tape.

I mean, did anybody think that guy doesn't say the N-word?

That was the whole premise of this.

Wasn't it?

He was taped being like, sometimes we joke around and say the N-word, and I don't want that getting out.

Really?

Yeah.

I never heard it.

Yeah.

I think that's what it was.

I can't remember.

I saw like one second of the Hulk Hogan fuck tape, but I had never.

I didn't see, I didn't hear him say racist stuff.

One second was all I needed.

Yeah, to bust?

To bust.

Bubba the Love Sponge's wife, right?

Yeah.

If you were a big enough fan.

Is there a guy that you're a big enough fan of that you would let him fuck your wife?

I don't know.

Oh, fuck.

Bob Dylan or Barack Obama.

Bob Dylan.

Yeah, Todd Rondren or Barack Obama.

Thomas Daldy.

Jeez, who would it be?

Yeah.

Steve Harwell.

Steve Harvey.

Steve Harwell?

Who's that?

The guy from Smash Mouth.

Oh, nice, man.

Is that his name?

I think so.

Nice, dude.

That's a good pull, brother.

I'm trying to think of these guys who would be funny.

And I actually have something that really.

Not anybody?

No.

Mark McGrath, maybe?

I have something that would be really good for you to pull at him.

Yeah.

What's that?

The tip of my cock.

I really walked into that one.

Yeah, dude.

Like a clinic.

Yeah.

Like a clinic, and you're getting your pussy checks out.

My boy's running a clinic.

Disgusting.

I'm the doctor, and your test results came back disgusting.

Your pussy is gross, bitch.

Yep, that's how you run a clinic.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Smith, I'm sorry to say your daughter's pussy is disgusting.

It's terrible.

Yeah.

Medically.

Medically, it's gross.

Well, good news and bad news.

The good news is your daughter's not fucking.

The bad news is because her pussy is dog sheet.

As we say in the biz, the biz.

is dog sheet.

I can't wait to.

You think a guy in college can tell when a pussy's really awesome for fucking?

That's awesome.

I can't wait to all be hanging out when we're in our 50s.

That won't be happening.

For me to brag to you guys about

how much penis my daughter gets.

I'll be having friends who also work at the grocery store.

You're going to be deli counter?

I'm going to be back in Greek town

no not in greek town but in a nice part of baltimore yeah hopefully greektown will have a renaissance by then the renaissance fair no we don't want that gay shit in greek town but the turkey leg i'm not a turkey leg guy bro you will be once you start the renaissance festival you think i'll run the renaissance festival i think you will i think i think you you'll be surprised in which ways life goes that's true i guess never say never yeah i'm gonna become a psychic that's gonna be my thing that'll be awesome it'll be pretty easy It's just like somebody's like, does my husband love me?

And I'm looking at their palm.

I'm like, the Jews are going to do another 9-11.

And they believe you.

I can make my own tarot cards.

It says

the tricky Jew.

Yeah.

Fuck that.

The twins of towers.

Yeah, every reading is the same.

Every reading is just like, looks like the Jews did 9-11.

The Arab Patsy.

Yeah, right.

Oh, fuck.

The Catholic president.

The magic bullet.

You're going to be happy

your daughter gets dicked down.

Yeah, I'll be happy for her.

Yeah.

She's having a great sex life.

You'll single-handedly turn her against sex, though.

Yeah, probably not.

She's probably going to be like

the daughter in American pastoral.

Well, at least I'll have a daughter.

Yeah, she'll be like a like a

like a gender freak probably that turns into like a t an eco-terrorist or something.

Maybe.

It's pretty cool.

Yeah, but she'll despise you.

She'll be proud of you.

She'll hate you.

Oh, for a fact, she will.

Have any women in your life respected you?

Yeah, plenty.

Name three.

Three?

Name five.

Name five women.

Scarlet Johnny.

Time's up.

That's how you know.

Misogynist.

That's how you know he's gay.

What?

Time's up.

Any straight man could name five women almost immediately.

You didn't give me enough time.

Yeah, well, you had plenty.

Gianna Michaels.

Gianna Michaels.

Sarah Patrick.

Michael Giannis.

Michael Giannison.

Yeah.

Sarah J.

Sarah J.

Eva Angelina.

The chicken from the Chuck E.

Cheese Band.

Oh, yeah.

Definitely her.

Janice.

Janice Soprano.

Janice Soprano.

Oh, yeah.

Harriet Tubman.

Callista Flockhart.

Yeah.

Angela Merkel.

Yeah.

Do you remember when Nintendra Game Cube?

Do you remember when I was a black woman who went to the bottom?

That's a black nerd.

The black trans nerd.

How are you you doing?

My name is Nintendo GameCube.

Yeah.

Oh, I see.

She's a pioneer.

Yeah.

I came up with the, I done came up with the Wii.

That was my idea.

I said, what if you could wave at it?

Right.

I said, what if you could go, hey, it's a good idea.

What if it's a Nintendo you could wave at it?

It's a Nintendo that you can just fuck you.

Everything is right here.

That you can it's just

you did Nick is Z snapping.

I'm Z snapping, but I'm also doing the...

He's doing kind of like the Wimote thing, but in a more...

You know how they do

something with the wrist, a snap of the wrist.

This gesture that always gives you the gesture.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

Because I want to check.

Right.

That one with the pursed lips.

You guys can't see it.

It's almost like...

It's like a twisting thing.

A twisting and a closing of the hands.

Yeah.

A classic.

Okay.

Right.

Right, right.

So that's Nintendo Game Cube.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

And And maybe she's brought to you by Ridgewall?

Yeah, I think she is.

She's pretty.

Yeah.

That's the one we don't know.

Just all, just stall, just stall, just stall.

No, why don't we stall by talking about Red Baron Pizza for a second?

Just say it, Nick.

Say what?

Say the bit.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You said I was stealing a bit.

I've never heard of it.

I'm asking the question.

Is Red Baron Pizza something about you get Tombstone after you kill Jews?

No.

No.

No.

Oh, no.

That would be more of a year one

stand-up bit.

Yeah.

I'm just asking.

Yeah.

See, Adam, see what I did?

Is I just let my ego aside and I gave it a shot for the good of the show.

If I leave my ego aside,

I wouldn't know what to do.

You didn't even try one bit.

Yeah, I don't know.

I said, why is a German pilot?

He didn't finish it.

What's the bit?

Why is it so obvious?

It's not.

It's not obvious.

So you said it was obvious.

It's not obvious.

I'm letting you walk into it.

Father and son team Daniel and Paul Kane launched Ridge Wallet on Kickstarter in 2013.

And now it sits in the pockets.

Now it sits in the pockets of over a million men and women.

Well, instead of Kickstarter, it says Clit Starter.

Dickstarter?

Kick pussy.

Lickstarter.

Lickstarter.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No.

Okay.

Two have since recruited a small, close-knit team to execute on their version.

We just, if we had just three bottles of fabulous stuff.

No, no, no.

All right.

Quiet down.

Great, great, good one.

At the ridge, we prefer to do more with less.

It's not just a remark on resourcefulness.

It's a call to maximize your life by minimizing what you bring along.

Because you don't need everything to be prepared for anything.

We're streamlining daily life through quality products and redefining the everyday essentials like wallets, backpacks.

What?

So I was just going to jump in and help out.

Go ahead.

No, it's too late.

I thought you had something.

No, your bad attitude ruined it.

I don't have a bad attitude.

I'm a team player.

Everyone knows this about me.

You've had an attitude all day, Adam.

It's been.

You showed up.

You said I'd be a little bit more.

I showed up late.

I have a headache.

I have a headache.

I got to get my vagina out of the car.

I did give you Advil.

Yeah, it was very nice.

We had to get you an oatmeal raisin cookie.

No, I got it for myself.

That's not how I remember it.

Like wallets, backpacks, and charges.

It was an alarm.

That said, the oatmeal, raisin, faggot requires cookies.

That's not a real alarm.

By eliminating excess and building a performance grade, we turn the items we carry every day into tools for better living.

Carry less, live more, discover the rig.

Holy shit, that's awesome.

So use promo code

come town 20

or come town for 20 it's also check out the for their special if they have one thanksgiving bundle or they got a turkey colored wallet let me tell you something all these companies that most people do like a because it's a black friday yeah they do a black friday social

cyber monday

check

check that out

yeah

check that out in in a major way.

Yeah.

Check it out.

They'll have something really cool, and you want to really check that out.

An epic check.

And look, it's about time to be getting people Christmas presents.

Yeah.

And a Ridge wallet's perfect.

Yeah, like wallets, phone cases, bags, and accessories.

Get your autistic friend the same wallet Nick Mullen has.

He would love it.

He'd love it.

Or she.

Well, girls can have that.

Let's be honest.

Guys.

He would love it.

Absolutely right.

He's probably got a little mustache.

He's probably wearing a track suit.

He's probably wearing his I'm not racist anymore t-shirt.

Okay.

Complete the look.

Get him a fucking ridge wallet.

Yeah.

Okay.

And

if I just described you to a T, if you're the loser I just described, you owe it to us.

And if that's somebody

in your life, maybe you can buy them a ridge wallet for Christmas and also slip a little antifreeze into their hot cocoa this week.

End it for them.

It's not going to get better.

It's the opposite of being gay.

You know, the it gets better campaign?

It does not get better for those guys.

Hyperinflation.

You get gayer.

Yeah, you

actual gay people get better.

You get gayer.

So, but by Ridgewald, though, that might stop it.

That might pause.

Also, gay people need to stop making songs about politicians.

You think so?

I think they're getting dangerously close to blowing all the goodwill that they've...

What songs are you talking about?

Hamilton.

He means Hamilton.

Hamilton.

He's not gay.

No, no, no.

Come on.

Yeah, he's gay.

No, you can make music.

That's as gay as you can get as a Puerto Rican.

No, you can make music.

That's true.

Or you're trans.

Or you're trans.

As the gayest possible man music is.

It's like a Rand rule.

Yeah, if you're completely gender-conforming as a Puerto Rican, that's the gayest.

You have to make rap musicals.

Nice one, bro.

Thank you.

Also, Randy Rainbow.

Oh, Randy Rainbow stinks, but I think gay people hate him.

Because he's still

as they should, because he's...

That's what I'm saying.

Across the board.

Just play it safe.

No more songs about politicians.

I agree with you.

Just write songs about Jones Beach.

Right.

Or a factory being closed down.

Right.

That's the two CS.

Those are the two songs.

Or a calendar that's never going to come out.

Right.

Or a guy that used to be a fisherman, but now he sucks dick for a living.

Yeah.

Yeah, basically be Bruce Springsteen, but gay.

Be one of the five songs I can think of.

Yeah, I get it.

Right now.

They should write songs about red fish, blue fish, one fish, two fish.

They should write songs about green eggs and ham.

A cat that's wearing a hat and fucking, he fucks up a house and kids get in trouble.

An uptown girl.

A girl who's from uptown.

Who's from uptown?

Having an open pussy from an uptown push.

Tab at Zanzibar.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They should write songs about Zanzibar.

Where the fuck that is?

About a boat.

Having the old man's car.

Yeah.

So that's how to be gay.

Yeah.

For all you gay, if you're gay, you're going to write songs.

Just be the gay Billy Joel.

You're all most stuff.

Yeah.

You got to write songs about Allentown.

Right.

Right.

Fucking the gay man's car.

The San Francisco of Pennsylvania.

I fuck the old man's ass.

Well, we're having friends.

I put a guitar in his ass.

Well, we're holding hands in Allen town.

Yep.

And everyone is

fucking something else.

Dean gang.

That's right.

And

everybody's wearing an ear in the middle.

Waiting for the bathroom.

We're locked in there.

And now we're coming out of the bathroom.

And everyone's staring at us.

And we would have been better off fucking in my car.

We thought there'd be privacy in the bathroom.

Yep.

You all remember that Allentown hit?

Oh, yeah, dude.

So what's the red?

How about Tim Allentown?

Nice.

He's like, ah, what the hell is this?

A fucking...

Is that a man's penis?

To Infinity and suck my dick.

Yo, you see the new Buzz Lightyear movie, bro?

What is it?

A gritty reboot.

It literally is.

Why do they got a kid?

It's a movie.

But here's the thing.

Dude, Felix tweeted that Wonka movie into existence.

It's hilarious.

That's one of the funniest things.

Wait, they're doing that?

They're doing it with Shalomay.

They're doing a Wonka movie, but Felix tweeted exactly that years ago.

He's like, you could just have a laughing Willy Wonka, and it's just called Wonka.

And he's dark.

And he's dark.

It's the gritty origin story of Willy Wonka.

But this shit is like Buzz Light.

It's the guy that the toy is based off of.

It's a real-life guy.

It's a cartoon movie about a guy that existed in the Toy Story universe, I guess.

And they made an action figure about him.

And it's his story.

And he gets pussy.

I don't think so.

I'm not going to watch that.

It's just like, what the fuck is even the point of having a movie anymore?

It's like, that shit sucks my dick so hard.

Yeah.

It's just a new way for them to sell even more fucking Buzz Lightyear toys.

Dude, I fucking hate capitalism.

Fuck yeah, dude.

I hate late capitalism.

That's the one hosted by James Corden.

Yep.

After, after capitalism.

He does look like a little political cartoon, a little pig.

He put a top hat on James Corden.

Yep.

He looks like animal form.

And write like obscurantism on his side.

One of the stupid political cartoons.

Yeah.

Standard oils obscurantism.

James Corden for you.

Oh, yeah.

Damn,

I miss doing late night.

Yeah.

Late night's easier.

Really?

So much easier.

Yeah, I thought I just didn't know how to riff anymore, but no, it's comedy only exists.

Just say the red bearing thing.

Excuse me?

Sorry.

I'll say a different word.

I'll tell you, it's got two K's in it.

Get it ready.

Get it ready.

It's got

one K short of.

We don't have to say what it is, but we all know, yeah, and we agree with you

where we're kissing each other in Ellen's day.

Yeah, no more politician songs, right?

Dude, that video of Donald Trump watching the Capitol riot while listening to Gloria is amazing.

I haven't is that real?

Yeah, he's just like listening to Laura Brannigan,

watching the Capitol.

That's awesome.

When he was like, everybody, go fuck up Mike Pence.

Go kill the vice president.

When the election was stolen from us,

we went to sleep, everything was great, and we wake up, and all of this bullshit happens.

Oh, fuck.

The best is the Elton John finding out Ruth Bader Ginsburg died.

Oh, my fucking God.

When he fucked.

It's the best video of all time.

Oh my gosh.

She's dead.

I'm just hearing that right now.

I'm hearing this for the first time.

I'm actually very sad.

I'm very sad.

She's dead.

Yeah.

She was beautiful.

She did a lot.

Agree with her or not?

Agree or not?

I fucked her.

She was very good.

Wow.

She was very good at judging.

I'm hearing it for the first time right now.

Like, just completely lying.

I didn't know.

That's amazing.

I'm hearing that for the first time.

Wow, truly, truly.

I didn't know that.

I actually, just really wild.

God damn, he's so funny.

Yeah, he really should be.

He should be king of the United States.

He should be forever.

We should abolish states.

He should be the king.

There should be a castle that takes up all of Manhattan Island.

The fucking East River and the Hudson are remote.

Okay.

And

reading, you should aim for like basically majority population literacy by the next ten years.

Yep.

We can get that done.

And he's just the king.

And we just we read his newsletters, we listen to him say shit like that.

Yeah.

React to deaths, react to Alec Baldwin fucking up in any way.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Alec Baldwin is force-fed alcohol every morning and then set out.

We put him behind the wheel of a car.

Fucking every day, Alec Baldwin kills somebody behind the wheel.

He's done it again.

He killed someone again.

Alec Baldwin's done it again.

He ran over a mentally retarded field trip.

What a horrible person.

He did it.

He orchestrated it.

He set the field trip out.

Set the whole thing up.

Alec loves killing retards.

He loves taking a drink, going for a drive, killing a bunch of retards.

Fuck.

Well, I'm sucking dicking in in town.

Well, I'm sucking a man's dick and I'm fucking gay.

President Trump being horny.

And I'm getting my dickshaw.

It's the best video.

By God.

The fucking boss, brother.

The goddamn motherfucking boss.

So what happened to security guard Adam?

Was that...

Oh, I turned off the highway to P and I pulled into

a parking lot and it was

some security guard walked out of the building.

I realized it was an assisted living.

And I ran back in my car.

Did he see your cock, do you think?

Do you think he was coming out to laugh at how little your dick was?

But he saw my stream and he was like, that's a very masculine stream.

I had no chance.

He said it's a very thick stream.

No chance.

Yeah, because you have a vagina.

No.

Have you ever heard a woman piss?

I have a big dick stream.

Come on, dude.

No, it's not a woman pissed stream.

It sounds like somebody opened a fire hydrant.

It's coming coming out of a whole...

They're hitting every part of the toilet.

Yeah, that's what you sound like.

It's coming out of a small.

A sprinkler.

It's coming out of a small mound underneath my belly button, but it's a strong stream.

Let's be honest.

Yeah.

I gotta be honest.

Please be honest.

With everyone.

No, you have to try and compliment yourself.

Shut up.

In any way possible.

Plus, you're stealing my classic red bar and pizza.

Just say the joke.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of

pizza?

Out of pizza.

Okay.

That was not obvious.

That's not the joke.

What is the joke?

Why would that be the joke?

Why don't they make that?

It doesn't make any sense.

What's the joke?

Just say it.

How about bread bearing pizza?

No, that's not it.

Come on, man.

We got a minute left.

Just take a look at it.

Just 45 seconds.

Just say the joke.

No, I'm not saying that.

Please.

Animal stealing.

You're being defiant.

I know.

That's how I do my job.

Yeah, you have oppositional.

Well, hey, how about this?

Don't say the bit.

Yeah, don't say the bit.

We don't want it.

We don't want the bit.

President Trump was

met by shots of vote him out and honor her wish.

She paid his respects on Thursday.

This is the old news segment.

Honor her wish?

What are you even talking about?

Bruth Bader Ginsburg wanted him to quit.

Did she?

Yeah.

Fuck him.

Just say the bit, dude.

Come on, dude.

No, Adam already did it.

He already stole it.

I said it already?

Yeah, Yeah, he already stole it.

So I did the bit.

Give me credit.

No, but do you mean give you credit for stealing the bit?

I didn't hear the bit.

You did in Austin for a week.

You heard it.

What's the bit?

You heard it and you said it.

Say it, you fucking bastard.

I gotta pee.

No.

Say it so I can pee.

I'm gonna drag this out the entire trip.

Come on, dude.

The entire time we're hearing the game.

Oh, dude, nothing would make me happier than to do 15 episodes.

Yeah.

And then the whole time, it's like, come on, Nick, just say it.

Just do the bit.

I think that's a good idea, actually.

Well, that's probably going to be.

That's it.

Thanks a lot, guys.

Okay, we're not recording anymore.

Nick, do you want to say the bit?

Yeah, so a couple of black guys.

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